#it's a label i want to be able to use because it makes SENSE and it explains so much about me?

[purpurussy]

I feel like the "dan is bi" anon is trolling but just in case they're genuinely confused: yes dan said in BIG that he loved and felt attracted to his high school gf (although he also made it pretty clear that they did not have sex so idk where anon is getting the idea that he has slept with "multiple women" 💀), and he alluded to his attraction not being confined to a specific gender in the part where he talked about labels, but you're completely taking all of that wildly out of context and missing the point of the whole video by calling him bi. I feel like this is probably the part that's frying their brain:

(shoutout to the legend @goldenpinof for this transcript!)

But firstly, imo it was very clear from BIG, as well as other stuff he's said over the years, that he just doesn't like labels. Which I find very valid, it took me a long time to figure out how to label myself. I still don't know what my gender is lmao but I started saying "bi" for my sexuality because it's a widely-used term that gets the point across. And I think that's the thing here: he came to the conclusion that the labels "gay" and "queer" are the best descriptors of his identity, which do the most accurate job of approximating something extremely psychologically complex and multilayered and nuanced in a simple everyday term that gets the point across to other people.

Obviously words mean things and it doesn't make sense to just pick a label at random (like for example it wouldn't make sense for me to identify as a lesbian, since I definitely feel attraction to men as well as women and everything outside the binary, and am interested in acting on that attraction at times, so I wouldn't be conveying accurate information to other people if I used the label lesbian for myself) but a label is just supposed to serve the task of conveying relevant information to other people (if a lesbian feels some kind of abstract attraction to dan and phil, that doesn't mean that the alphabet council needs to immediately revoke their lesbian card!! Since the word "lesbian" still does a perfectly good job of conveying relevant information to other people. Likewise if a straight dude has a fun little gay dalliance with his college roommate, but has absolutely 0 interest in men beyond that incident, it wouldn't be remotely necessary for him to start calling himself bi if he didn't want to, because what would be the point in that if he's only interested in women? Like if he told a gay dude who found him attractive that he's bi, only to backtrack... Do you see what I'm saying here?). It's perfectly valid for Dan to use "gay" and "queer" as umbrella terms that in his opinion do the best job of describing him, out of the language that's available. If he's like essentially a kinsey >5 and decided to just round it off to a 6 at this point, who are you to tell him he can't lmao

(shoutout to the legend @goldenpinof for this transcript!

Human sexuality is often way too complicated to boil it down to a single label in a way that doesn't erase any of its nuance, and I feel like this is something he's struggled with in the past, especially with him being a public figure. He's mentioned multiple times that feeling like he had to choose a label was a factor that prolonged his decision to come out.

And this is not even getting into the impact that his trauma from his childhood and also from spending a chunk of his formative years in the public eye probably had on the way he identifies or the way he chooses to label himself. It clearly took so much courage and strength for him to finally be able to call himself gay/queer please have some respect for our brave troops

Ultimately the point is that he uses the labels "gay" and "queer", not "bi", and it really shouldn't be difficult to respect that. It's also not biphobic for him to choose not use the label "bi" (again speaking as someone who uses that label). It's just that he feels "gay"/"queer" are better descriptors for him and nobody gets to determine that except him!! :) He wants people to know he's gay so he calls himself gay and that's that on that.

There are definitely people on here who are way smarter and more well-educated than me who would've done a much better job eloquently discussing this topic without rambling all over the place but that's my take (if anyone would like to add to this please do so, I'm always open to learn more about topics like this. And I'm also not saying that the way I see it is the only objectively correct opinion, but anon is definitely wrong so 💀). Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[mars-ipan]

"deradicalization is best achieved through kindness and acceptance because many radicals feel alienated for one reason or another" and "someone who is hurt by radical beliefs has zero obligation to be kind to someone who holds those beliefs" are two facts that can and should coexist btw

[jankwritten]

hm.

[unkreativstermensch]

"Still super jealous as hell by the way.“

"Okay, now, can you…get outta my face?“ Steve annoyedly swats a hand at Eddie’s chest and ducks out of his space.

Eddie sighs and shakes his head. "Why are you-" He purses his lips, thinks. "You don’t…you still don’t like me very much, do you?"

At that Steve stops walking, huffs out an annoyed breath and presses his eyes closed. He turns to Eddie, looks at him with an expression Eddie can’t read and says, "No, Eddie. No, I don’t."

Eddie just watches him for a second, not sure what to do, studies his face, the furrow between his brows, the clear discomfort in his expression.

He scoffs. Getting a little angry. "Jesus, man,“ he says. "You just can’t get over it, huh? And here I was rambling on about how you were actually a good dude after all, but…no, turns out Steve Harrington is still just as much stuck in his stupid high school mindset as I would have thought.“

Steve just looks more annoyed now, a slight shift in his eyebrow and…he looks…frustrated? A little? How does that make sense?

"You,“ Steve says, voice low, but not because of the monsters, Eddie knows that much, "are unbelievable.“

Eddie blinks. "What?“

"Eddie, you’re the one who can’t get over it,“ Steve accuses him. "You always talk about that non-conformist shit and how people should just stop with the categories and drawers and labels but, dude, you’ve never judged people that way yourself! I have been saved in your brain as this dumb idiot jock ever since you’ve known me and…“ Steve huffs out an unbelieving breath. "And Eddie, I don’t know what to tell you…but you’ve never been nice to me. Ever. And when Lucas made the basketball team, which is amazing, by the way, you weren’t proud of him or supported him for that incredible achievement like you should have if he’s really one of your 'little sheep‘.“ He draws quotation marks in the air. "You punished him for it. You said you can’t make Hellfire? Fuck you. I’m just gonna have the most important part of the campaign without you, because you know what, you don’t deserve us anymore now that you’ve joined the dark side. Now that you’ve taken up a…a jock game. Because god forbid, somebody could actually ever enjoy playing sports.“

Eddie can’t follow. His mind’s lagging behind, still stuck on Steve apparently knowing DnD terms and saying he was never nice to him and-

Steve takes another step back.

"Eddie, for as long as I can remember you hated me. And yeah, sure, I was stupid and I did some stupid things, but…“ he shrugs one sided. "But I don’t think I deserve to be treated that way. I think I at least deserved a chance. And you never gave me one.“

Eddie blinks. "What do you mean I never gave you a chance, I-"

"Biology, sophomore year,“ Steve interrupts him. "We were assigned lab partners. I tried to really…put all of it aside, tried to get to know you, because actually, Eddie, you know what? I was sort of obsessed with you. Because you were so…loud and so unashamedly yourself, I admired you so much. You didn’t care about anything and you stood up for yourself and that’s something I’ve never been able to do, my whole life. I…“ Steve looks down, sighs a little. "I let people push me around because it’s the only way I feel like I can be of use. But you…you made me believe that maybe actually I…could do it, you know? Like, tell Tommy H. off or something…“ He looks so hurt. Eddie kind of wants to die. "But you…you acted like it was the worst thing ever, getting partnered with me. You didn’t even look at me. You…never gave me a chance, Eddie. So…sorry if one 'you’re actually a good dude, Harrington' doesn’t make me forget all of that, make up for it. Because I’m not so sure I believe you.“

Oh.

Oh no.

Eddie fucked up.

[photomatt]

Why “Go Nuts, Show Nuts” Doesn’t Work in 2022

For those who don’t know or remember, Tumblr used to have a policy around porn that was literally “Go nuts, show nuts. Whatever.” That was memorable and hilarious, and for many people, Tumblr both hosted and helped with the discovery of a unique type of adult content.

In 2018, when Tumblr was owned by Verizon, they swung in the other direction and instituted an adult content ban that took out not only porn but also a ton of art and artists – including a ban on what must have been fun for a lawyer to write, female presenting nipples. This policy is currently still in place, though the Tumblr and Automattic teams are working to make it more open and common-sense, and the community labels launch is a first step toward that.

That said, no modern internet service in 2022 can have the rules that Tumblr did in 2007. I am personally extremely libertarian in terms of what consenting adults should be able to share, and I agree with “go nuts, show nuts” in principle, but the casually porn-friendly era of the early internet is currently impossible. Here’s why:

Credit card companies are anti-porn. You’ve probably heard how Pornhub can’t accept credit cards anymore. Or seen the new rules from Mastercard. Whatever crypto-utopia might come in the coming decades, today if you are blocked from banks, credit card processing, and financial services, you’re blocked from the modern economy. The vast majority of Automattic’s revenue comes from people buying our services and auto-renewing on credit cards, including the ads-free browsing upgrade that Tumblr recently launched. If we lost the ability to process credit cards, it wouldn’t just threaten Tumblr, but also the 2,000+ people in 97 countries that work at Automattic across all our products.

App stores, particularly Apple’s, are anti-porn. Tumblr started in 2007, the same year the iPhone was released. Originally, the iPhone didn’t have an App Store, and the speed of connectivity and quality of the screen meant that people didn’t use their smartphone very much and mostly interacted with Tumblr on the web, using desktop and laptop computers (really). Today 40% of our signups and 85% of our page views come from people on mobile apps, not on the web. Apple has its own rules for what’s allowed in their App Store, and the interpretation of those rules can vary depending on who is reviewing your app on any given day. Previous decisions on what’s allowed can be reversed any time you submit an app update, which we do several times a month. If Apple permanently banned Tumblr from the App Store, we’d probably have to shut the service down. If you want apps to allow more adult content, please lobby Apple. No one in the App Store has any effective power, even multi-hundred-billion companies like Facebook/Meta can be devastated when Apple changes its policies. Aside: Why do Twitter and Reddit get away with tons of super hardcore content? Ask Apple, because I don’t know. My guess is that Twitter and Reddit are too big for Apple to block so they decided to make an example out of Tumblr, which has “only” 102 million monthly visitors. Maybe Twitter gets blocked by Apple sometimes too but can’t talk about it because they’re a public company and it would scare investors.

There are lots of new rules around verifying consent and age in adult content. The rise of smartphones also means that everyone has a camera that can capture pictures and video at any time. Non-consensual sharing has grown exponentially and has been a huge problem on dedicated porn sites like Pornhub – and governments have rightly been expanding laws and regulations to make sure everyone being shown in online adult content is of legal age and has consented to the material being shared. Tumblr has no way to go back and identify the featured persons or the legality of every piece of adult content that was shared on the platform and taken down in 2018, nor does it have the resources or expertise to do that for new uploads.

Porn requires different service providers up and down the stack. In addition to a company primarily serving adult content not having access to normal financial services and being blocked by app stores, they also need specialized service providers – for example, for their bandwidth and network connections. Most traditional investors won’t fund primarily adult businesses, and may not even be allowed to by their LP agreements. (When Starbucks started selling alcohol at select stores, some investors were forced to sell their stock.)

If you wanted to start an adult social network in 2022, you’d need to be web-only on iOS and side load on Android, take payment in crypto, have a way to convert crypto to fiat for business operations without being blocked, do a ton of work in age and identity verification and compliance so you don’t go to jail, protect all of that identity information so you don’t dox your users, and make a ton of money. I estimate you’d need at least $7 million a year for every 1 million daily active users to support server storage and bandwidth (the GIFs and videos shared on Tumblr use a ton of both) in addition to hosting, moderation, compliance, and developer costs. 

I do hope that a dedicated service or company is started that will replace what people used to get from porn on Tumblr. It may already exist and I don’t know about it. They’ll have an uphill battle under current regimes, and if you think that’s a bad thing please try to change the regimes. Don’t attack companies following legal and business realities as they exist.

[manikas-whims]

Hii!! I want to request some headcanons for LADS boies ~~

How about them with a very famous reader!! How will they plan dates and attend any celebration with their partner!!

interesting request! imo, the biggest issue (in canonical sense) that they all will face due to the Reader being famous is protection. if she's always in limelight, it'll become difficult for them to act as they please in order to protect her..

now on to the request! hope you like it! ♡

LADS men dating a famous reader

XAVIER

⭐ He may be able to erase traces of his own history but he's very bad at dealing with the paparazzi. Any time he senses paparazzi spying on you two during your dates, he uses his evol to teleport you both away.

⭐ However, that doesn't always work. And when it doesn't, he walks right up to them and forces them to delete the pics taken.

⭐ He's never had any issues with your fame but what he doesn't enjoy is the attention it brings upon you, and by extension, upon him as well. Once the news of you dating some deepspace hunter breaks out, he starts getting scouted by random entertainment labels. They think his handsome face and skills will prove amazing for action movies.

⭐ Your fans will try spreading conspiracy theories about how he could be the one behind the infamous masked vigilante named Lumiere. There's also fans who seem to like him and have spread rumors about how he saved you from a hoard of wanderers, causing you to immediately fall for him.

⭐ He's very compliant when it comes to anything to do with you. If there's an event significant for the sake of your career, and if it requires his presence, then he'll quietly accompany you.

⭐ Your stylists are quite taken by him. They always insist on doing his makeup and picking out the outfits that suit his sleeper build. And Xavier complies, his only request being that they make sure his clothes are complementary to yours and that you two look like a couple. No matter what image you've crafted for the world, he'll ensure everyone knows that you two belong to each other.

ZAYNE

❄️ He's a nightmare for the paparazzi. They never manage to sneak a single good picture of the two of you when you're out on dates. They always end up looking blurry or Zayne makes sure his tall frame entirely hides your smaller one behind him.

❄️ This one time when they do spot you leaving the Akso Hospital with a tall, dark haired man, none of them manage to take any pictures. Many claim they suddenly felt the temperature around them dropped so low that it felt chilly, and that their hands went numb due to the cold.

❄️ The news about your dating life only breaks out when you and Zayne yourselves decide to make it public. However, not many seem to like Zayne. Many fans claim he's too aloof and wonder if he's even good enough for you (ofc you reassure him that he's the only one ever!)

❄️ Other fans discover some pictures of the two of you from highschool days and come to the conclusion that you two must be highschool sweethearts. And they find it admirable that you two stuck together for so long.

❄️ Due to his profession, he doesn't get much time and its difficult for him to attend your public events. This does lead to some criticism about how he's not a very supportive boyfriend. But he only finds such remarks amusing. Afterall, what the world thinks of him doesn't matter. He only cares about how you feel for him.

❄️ The rare occasions when he does show up at your events, he always keeps a hand on the small of your back, his intimidating figure allowing no room for comments or slander.

RAFAYEL

🌊 Since he himself is pretty well-known, he's quite used to the paparazzi. But that doesn't mean he likes them or tolerates them. He's straight up calling them out because he hates the possibility of his dates with you getting ruined due to so many intruding eyes. And he doesn't want people prying into his and your personal lives.

🌊 When he sees a paparazzi taking pictures, Rafayel is the type who pulls out his own smartphone and starts clicking pictures of them in retaliation.

🌊 You two openly hang-out in public and there is speculation about you two dating. It's just you never confirm it. And ofcourse, you two are questioned during your individual interviews about each other. You never give a direct response to those either. You let the people keep assuming whatever they want to.

🌊 Both yours and Rafayel's fans ship you two together. But there are many of his fangirls who've called you horrible names. One time, you even got attacked by a crazy fan, who was immediately banned by Thomas. And Rafayel personally put out a statement about how he'll not entertain any crazy or violent fans.

🌊 Whenever you're working on a new project, he sends you rare species of flowers for goodluck. He also makes sure to convey his support in the form of sending food trucks and such for the entire staff.

🌊 He doesn't enjoy public attention. You've seen how much he despises having to attend formal events related to his own artistry. Still, he doesn't like the idea of so many strangers openly approaching you, so he makes sure to attend as many of your events as his schedule allows him to. And you do the same for him.

If you sent me a LADS related request, then rest assured, i am working on all your requests slowly..♡

SEND ME REQUESTS FOR LOVE & DEEPSPACE HEADCANONS VIA ASKS.

» MASTERLIST «

[i-yap]

Literally loving ur writing so far Bestie 🥺💙would I be able to req how the batboy would react to a fwb/situationship vibe with reader? Like they have feelings but reader is scared of commitment

Thank youuu! Im gonna be really honest, I don't think a lot of the batboys would be okay with a situationship sort of deal.. and I don't write romantic damian( at least not yet) .

Batboys x reader- Situationship headcanons

Dick grayson-

I can see a teammate or someone he works close with as a detective turns into a night of passion and now both of them cant go back to normal situation .

He says he is okay with it, and prolly keeps up that act for 4-5 months?

I think you would end the situationship. Dick is a really sought-after guy and one night he Is just upset with you about something. So when another girl flirts with him rather than his usual " I'm sorry there's someone else I'm into" line he flirts back. You see red

you either walk away angry/upset or pull him away. He follows you to an alley or a secluded area of the party.

"why are you even upset, you are the one who doesn't want us to be official?" "well that's not because I don't want you, that's because I'm scared of intimacy"

He would be really understanding once you explain your issues and fear of commitment. You guys come up with a better set of guidelines for your arrangement and he sticks to it.

if you want an open relationship, he is down. if you want to be exclusive but not yet in a relationship relationship he would be okay.

But dick does want to get married someday and have kids. So this arrangement wont last for long. he will try his hardest to help you overcome that fear of commitment but if you cant then its gonna end someday. And he makes that clear to you from the start. all cards are on the table always and communication is key and he makes sure no one gets hurt( or at least tries avoiding it as much as he can)

Jason todd

wont do it

maybe a bestfriend turned situationship scenario

you are his sanctuary , his home a safe place to come back to. and after everything he has been through he struggles with so many insecurities and he deserves a domestic life.

the moment he sees you with another guy, even if it just flirting, he is out the door. He already believes no one loves him and now you don't even want to commit to him? is he not enough?

he gets that you have issues and no one understands issues better than him. But he is in so much pain already that its best for the both of you to not get together at all.

even the fact that you from the very start didn't want to commit makes him get all in his head and even if you get ready to commit later on , he wont be able to forget that fact and will keep thinking you'll leave him or he isn't the one

he also reads a lot of classic literature and romance in books is what he wants. the concept of a situationship doesn't make sense to him and he just needs some good old domestic loving.

Tim drake

best at it

you guys are young, he is so busy. he is totally cool with a teenage dirtbagy relationship

lets meet under the bridge , get high and makeout type of shit,

Partners in crime / bestfriends that hookup

he loves it, its perfect for him

there are no expectations no responsibilities, you guys are just what the other needs . no stupid anniversaries and big fancy dinners

tim gives very "eat the rich" vibes so this situationship is another way for him to be a little rebellious .

Very very teenage dirtbag- going to grocery shops at 2am and sitting on the dirty floor trying all 20 types of slushies

spray painting the really big asshole companies buildings, going to huge rallies without having any idea what you are rallying for.

stealing the batmobile and then crashing it

the adrenaline makes you hot and bothered and it leads to more. and once its over you go to a shady Chinese place and tip 200 on a 40 dollar meal.

he gets you, you get him and you don't need labels to show your love to each other. and who needs someone else when you have everything you could want within each other? and then someday when you're ready and if you are ready, you can always make it official. its all up to you two , fuck the labels

[lukolabrainrot]

Toronto and Ireland (Part 1)

I observed a shift in L/N's behavior and non-verbal cues by the time they got to Toronto. Their non-verbal cues signaled to me that there was a since of ease and confidence with them BTS. However, I think that looked very different in both locations. Refer to my timeline theories here on my thoughts on what was going on between L/N before Toronto. Below are my thoughts.

Toronto

Let's first address the fact that there was a break between Brazil and Toronto. It was ~2 weeks from what I remember. During the break the following happened:

L went back and liked all of A's posts back to July 2023. Previously, he had only liked her posts up to October/November 2023.

A chopped her hair off

I believe the DM likes from A's mom occurred around this point as well (or during Brazil)

There were some SoHo Farmhouse pics posted by A (I believe?), but no one could confirm if those were current or old photos (as A has a history of posting old photos to insinuate she is with L in real time when she isn't)

There was nothing else though to publicly link L/A during this break (from my understanding, correct me if I am wrong?)

This break is also when the rumored Spain trip between L/N occurred (but there is no evidence this actually occurred)

N was publicly seen at the Mighty Hoopla music festival with her friends the weekend before Toronto

N and L appear to fly into Toronto on separate flights

Alright I am going to throw out something that is purely a theory, regarding A, at that point in time, and now. I've kind of avoided directly talking about my theories on A because I just don't have enough information to confidently analyze what is going on. But with everything that has come out recently, and especially this week, I feel more and more confident on this theory (but again, it's just a theory):

As I mentioned, I firmly believe L/N physically acted on their feelings at points on the tour, and by Brazil, A was FLIPPING OUT because I think she sensed L pulling away. A had been around for a while, and I don't believe there were any firm boundaries/labels set on their relationship, but A had her sights set on riding his coattails and trying to get fame/attention from being in his orbit. She is also DEEPLY insecure and envious of N. Lastly, she is a WILD CARD and had been publicly known about in the fandom for a while. I think there was some overlap between N and A, and L did not want A leaking that s**t. Whyy... because he LOVES N. This is also his bed he made, and he needed to lie in it and clean up his mess. The optics of all of this do not look good for L & N if all of this information got released to the public. I also think that's why the DM comments got scrubbed on the site (which doesn't just happen out of thin air). He needed to start cleaning s**t up if he and N ever want to go public someday.

Therefore, he went back during the break to make up with A and reassure A he wasn't just going to drop her from his orbit (hence things like liking more of her posts so people took notice, and it made it seem they were more serious than previously thought). Tbh, I don't think it was very hard for him to keep her appeased because I honestly don't think this relationship goes any deeper than casual and transactional.

Then L/N became even more obvious about their feelings during Toronto and Ireland imo, and then all hell broke loose at the premiere (because a certain 🐜 was PISSED and getting revenge).

My whole point with all this is this. L was NEVER going to be able to unravel from A during the PR tour because it had already become public that she was connected to L (even if he was already checked out at this point). He was always going to have to officially acknowledge A to the public, let people get use to them as a "unit", and then slowly unravel over a couple of months in a way that satisfied A and didn't encourage her to go rogue (because I think we are getting more and more proof that she DOES go rogue). This included what we have seen between them since the premiere. I firmly believe that A has some information that would eff up L&N being able to confidently go public at some point if they want to without this really messy public narrative (because if L/N ARE indeed working on their relationship, it is probably going to be a little messy no matter what when/if they go public). L is letting A therefore get the attention she wants rn, and trying to stay as publicly unconnected to N as possible. I think he severely underestimated the impact this was all going to have on his career though (at least in the short-term). Do I think this also probably put somewhat of a strain on his relationship with N? Most likely, yes. However, they have known each other for many years, and have gone through a lot together. I don't think N sees A as a threat to her and L in any way, and I think L/N are figuring things out in private. And do I think just because A is still in L's orbit that that means they are super happy and madly in love? Absolutely not. The optics of everything we have seen around L/A since the premiere speak VOLUMES, and that is all I will say on that.

I was fired up about all of this because of the events this week, so I needed to get this off my chest 😅 I think though that everything we have seen between L/A since after Brazil is just another indicator that L/N are serious about each other (if that makes sense). THIS IS JUST A THEORY THOUGH.

And does this all seem messy? Yes. Because the short answer is that it is. Human beings though are messy, and I think unfortunately a lot of this played out on a very public stage, so everyone is trying to figure out what to do now.

Alright, back to Toronto. A lot of people thought the vibes seemed off between L/N, but I disagree. This was the part of the tour where I started coming to the conclusion that there was something BIG going on between L/N BTS (in a good way), that went deeper than just wild sexual chemistry/attraction. Here are my thoughts:

I personally think L/N took time during the break to have some big conversations in private about their future together, in a "normal" setting outside of the tour. I think they came to a conclusion that their feelings were larger than just the show and tour, and that this was going to be one of those BIG relationships for both of them. I think they also had conversations about how A was going to tie into the public narrative after the tour (but I think A hijacked that narrative). But I think L/N were very much on the same page going into Toronto.

I also get this sense that by this point in Toronto, it was getting harder for them to hide what was going on because things were getting more serious, and they were ALL LOVEY DOVEY AND HAPPY BTS. Although I am going to be honest, I don't think they ever hid their feelings for each other very well on the tour (especially L). And this was all kind of new as well. Therefore, I think that's where some of the "awkward" vibes were coming from, but their nonverbal cues didn't read as disconnect to me (like the beginning of Italy did).

I also have a feeling they were EXHAUSTED by this point, and probably so tired of answering the same questions (I swear, I bet they never want to talk about the carriage scene again 😂). I also heard that they might have been sick in Toronto, so all of this might have also played into the shift in energy.

However, a lot of key things happened in Toronto that signaled to me there had been a positive emotional shift between them. I really started to notice the "couple" eyes between them, and N's walls really dropped and the heart eyes were in full force. Toronto had my favorite interview of them during the tour, which I posted here. We got the the thigh rub from N, the beginning of the Ryan Gosling jealousy from L (I believe), L beginning to get more comfortable and silly on interviews (he seemed VERY happy, and a lot more confident by this point, which I found very interesting 🤔), a few instances where L/N would get lost in a moment with each other and forget they were on an interview, N reassuring L that he was her "favorite", and photos and video of L meeting some of N's extended family (and he looked very happy in the video). Also N didn't end up posting a "bf" pic of L (even though she did for Italy, Brazil, and Ireland). Now it could mean nothing (and it's probably just a coincidence), but I just find it interesting (in a good way 🤔). Yes, a lot of this could be chalked up to PR, and some of it probably was. However, most of this just DID NOT read as professional PR to me. It just wasn't.

Lastly, we got THIS pic of them below in Toronto 👀:

I am going to post an article below about body language between couples in photos. I don't agree with all of the article, but it does have some interesting facts/comments. I would highly recommend looking over the article a little, and looking back at the video that had the compilation of them posing at the different tour stops. I know that this was 100% cutesy PR (and I am not trying to imply they were necessarily an "official couple"), but I found it very telling about HOW they chose to pose at each stop. I feel like it spoke VOLUMES about what was going on between them at each stop. I do want to say that we can't 100% know what was going on for them emotionally BTS at each stop, but I do think it gives us a glimpse. Which is why I found this picture PARTICULARLY interesting. It just screams comfort and security (even with the weird lighting lol).

My point with all this is that I think we caught L/N at a big turning point in their relationship at Toronto, which led to some of the awkward energy at times, but not because they were beefing. I think BTS they were really happy, but they knew they had to not let the WHOLE cat out of the bag, so they were trying to kind of put up a little distance. However, they slipped up constantly, and then everything came to a peak, and that's why we got the magic that was the Ireland stops. I'll talk about my thoughts on Ireland in my Part 2 post, because there is a LOT to talk about. 😅

[wosoamazing]

Misconceptions

Alessia Russo x Cately!R/ADHD!R x Arsenal

This fic is very close to home and I am scared to post it for many reasons. I would like to say, if you don’t like it just move on, these are my opinions and thoughts and experiences, not everyone will agree but that's just life. Also just a reminder not everyone experiences adhd the same and it is a ‘spectrum’ so keep that in mind while reading. 

Please let me know what you think of it and also don’t be surprised if it disappears, I don’t think I’ve ever been more nervous to post anything. (I also don't know if I like it soo...) Also let me know if you want another part and what you would want to see in it

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Leah asked as she entered the locker room, and you had no clue what she was asking about.

“Because she doesn’t have to, how did you find out anyway” Steph blurted out. With that you knew exactly what she was asking, and you were glad you had Alessia by your side, holding your hand tightly, one of the only things keeping you grounded.

Why didn’t you tell us about your ADHD is what Leah was really asking.

-

It wasn’t a simple question and there wasn’t a simple answer. Yes, you didn’t have to tell them but it was more than that. It’s hard living with a condition people don’t take seriously. A condition people believe they have because of the name, and to top it off adhdtok wasn’t helping. If anything it was spreading more misbeliefs, yes forgetfulness, easily distracted and not being able to sit still were part of adhd but it ran deeper.

It isn’t just forgetfulness when you run through a list of everything you need before you leave a class and still forget something. It isn’t just easily distracted when no matter how hard you try to focus on the conversation in front of you, you can still hear every word that is being said in the conversation happening beside you, when you don’t want to, it’s not being easily distracted it’s having to focus on one thing when you can hear and notice every single other thing going on around you.

It was hard to tell people and there was usually one of four reactions.

Some people believed it was just made up. That adults used it as an excuse as to why their life hadn’t panned out how they had hoped. That parents used it as an excuse not to parent. Which some people did, however, when you were parented, so much so that you got your door taken away from you it was hard to see people using it as an excuse and people therefore believing it was just an excuse.

Some people would throw in the off handed comment of, ‘oh I think I have adhd too,’ along with ‘I’m so forgetful,’ ‘I hate sitting still,’ everyone is forgetful at times, it’s part of life, losing 15 lunchboxes in your first year of high school isn’t just forgetful and you needed a lunchbox to be able to take your lunch to school, so your parents had to keep buying you new ones.

Some people would tell you that makes sense, which in fact doesn’t make sense.

Some people would say ‘but you are too well behaved to have adhd,’ or ‘you’re too smart to have adhd,’ or ‘you work too hard to have adhd’. If anything that's a compliment, but it isn’t it just shows the societal views that people with adhd have no worth ethic, that they don’t care and that they can’t go anywhere, once again because people used it as an excuse. But it didn’t matter if you had adhd or not, anyone can do what they want with their life and be successful. Anyone who is successful in what they wish to achieve in life are only successful because they work hard and pour their heart and soul into what they want.

-

As you tried to decide what to answer you could feel every single set of eyes burn into your skin as they awaited your answer, as if they did have the right to know, which really they didn’t, but you couldn’t just not say anything. You let out a deep shaky breath. 

“I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to know who I was, and not know me as a label. I also didn’t want to have to listen to all your opinions or backhanded comments,” you replied, probably a little too harshly.

Before anyone could say anything Alessia headed out of the locker room taking you with her. You were very much thankful that she had the guts to leave, because you definitely didn’t but after getting injured in the match, then getting accused of cheating because the anti-doping tester fucked up badly, and then being essentially interrogated in the locker room, you were feeling overwhelmed to say the least. 

_

As Alessia started to leave the car park she placed a soft hand on your thigh causing you to look up at her, and her incredibly cute and loving face.

“I love you,” you told her, “I love you too,” she replied.

Ever since you met Alessia you were forever grateful, it was like she was your other half, you both fit together so perfectly, and you both always knew what the other was thinking without having to talk, she made life so much better.

It was later when you were in bed that all your emotions came crashing down, you laid next to Alessia on your stomach, you head facing away from her, as you tried to keep the tears at bay, at least until she was asleep, you didn’t want to keep her awake any longer than she needed to be. However that didn’t work when you accidentally sniffled too loudly.

“Are you okay?” she asked as she placed a hand on your back, you just nodded your head knowing your voice would betray you right now, causing Alessia to sigh heavily, “baby, you know I know you’re not okay. I know you’re thinking about today, and I promise you did nothing wrong, that Liverpool player did something wrong and she deserved the yellow not you, that tester shouldn’t have a job and Leah shouldn’t have confronted you like that, let alone in front of the team,” Alessia’s words caused the tears to fall more and your shoulders started shaking, indication to her that you weren’t just crying anymore.

“Come here,” she said and although you shook your head in reply you still moved closer to her, allowed her to pull you on top of her, your head resting in the crook of her neck, “today was a hard day, I know, and I’m sorry it happened, but I promise I will always be here for you, and you never have to hide being upset or hide that you’re crying, I love you so much and that will never change”

“Baby, you don’t need to wake up yet but you need to take this, otherwise you won’t be able to sleep tonight,” Alessia said as she woke you up lightly, causing you to groan before standing up to get out of bed, “you don’t have to get up, I have it here,” Alessia said concerned, knowing your head was probably hurting from the collision in the match yesterday but also from your crying last night, and she thought sleeping would do you some good, however you didn’t seem to want that, or maybe you thought you couldn't.

“I want to get up, cuddle with you on the couch,” you mumbled as you rested your head on her shoulder, waiting for your head to stop spinning.

“Sounds like a plan, you go sit on the couch, and I’ll get you some toast, and then we can cuddle”

When you were diagnosed at 12 you decided you wanted to try meds and thankfully the first one you tried worked, meaning that you had just upped your dosage over the years. In another 6 months you would be finding out whether you would need your meds forever or whether you had caught up meaning you no longer needed them, however as you were diagnosed slightly late it was unknown whether this would be the case or not.

Another author note: ADHD is a developmental delay therefore meaning if caught early enough and treated early one has the possibility to catch up.

[lesbiansruledawurld]

thinking about gymratgf!abby and how you two are on opposite sides of the gym you both visit frequently together, you being too intimidated to go in the weight lifting section so you decline every time she challenges you to a bench press. she finds out of course but its whatever because she promises you that you wont need to lift a finger...

by spotting her!

on a mini tour of this unfamiliar section you watch as she show's you the different types of weights and weight machines and what they're used for. she puts the weights on the bar as you read the label '50' on all four of them. how she is able to flip and throw you around like it's nothing makes sense now.

"okay, all you gotta do is hold your hands over the bar and make sure it doesn't kill me..alright"

you shake your head in understanding as you hold your hands over the bar and keep focus on wherever abby's go. you literally are not that focused though due to the determined yet casual look on her face. the sweat beads from previous workouts coming back as abby pumped the bar up and down. huffs and groans came from her mouth as she pushed through the lifts. her face now going into complete focus. you can't help that your girlfriend is literally built by aphrodite herself and don't even start on her body, muscles she's been working on since sophomore year as she constantly to brag to you from time to time.

"hello?!"

you didn't realize how long you were spacing out until abby started to complain. you help her lift the bar over her head and onto the rest.

"im sorry i wasn't paying attention i-"

"was looking at me."

cutting you off abby chuckled and sat up, you walked around now waiting for her to follow suit. taking big gulps from her water bottle the excess dripping down her chin to her neck. she wipes her mouth and again catches you in a haze.

"two times in a row, geez you want my number or something"

you playfully push her and roll your eyes walking away she gets a chance to get a good stare in too, watching you walk away from her in the new workout shorts you decided to wear this go round. whistling to herself she catches up to you wrapping an arm around your waist and leaning into your ear to whisper:

"i think i got a way better workout at home that'll get you sweating bullets gorgeous"

ogie bye :p

[slasherscream]

the crazy ass boys and that punisher scene *would* be kooky crazy and you absolutely should do it - the FLAVOR…

A/N: do i feel bad for reader? yeah, of course... but lowkey this shit kinda funny. TW: the kevin and josh parts of this feature attempted sexual assault of reader. if you get the urge to community label this block me and don't read it instead xoxo.

crazy ass boys gang + reader kills someone based on that one punisher scene

billy loomis:

He deserves it. The hands wrapped tightly around his throat, his mind going foggy from the lack of oxygen. Head pounding in pain from the several blows he’d taken to it. His vision swims as he stares up at the monster he himself had created: Ghostface.

One thing he’d never considered about making it so he and Stu were the sole survivors of the Woodsboro massacre was what tantalizing targets they’d become for any Ghostface copycats. He curses himself for it now. It was ridiculous to think that infamy like theirs wouldn’t inspire other bloodthirsty maniacs. 

To be murdered in his own home, the way so many of his own victims met their fate, is particularly insulting. 

‘What an ironic way to go,’ Billy thinks as he starts to black out. 

And that should be it. There shouldn’t be anything after the blackness. But suddenly he’s taking large, greedy gulps of air again and rolls to the side heaving. He finds himself face to face with the Ghostface copycat who sports a new accessory: a kitchen knife in the side of their neck. 

Senses coming back to him, he slowly begins to hear the miserable animal-like whimpering of another person in the room and rolls onto his back. Standing over him and his cheap knockoff is his partner, Y/N, blood splattered across their trembling hands. 

“Did I kill them? Are they dead?” Before you’ve even finished the sentence Billy is shaking his head no.

“No, baby, no you didn’t kill them. It’s okay.” The words hurt to get out but he forces them anyway. He has to reassure you that you aren’t like him. That you aren’t a killer. 

Believe it or not, he never wanted this for you. You aren’t like him or Stu. You aren’t built for this. But here you are, blood on your hands because it came down to Billy or a stranger and you’ll always choose Billy, no matter what the choice costs you. 

Billy forces himself to move when he notices the way the rise and fall of the Ghostface’s chest slow to the jerking heaves of the dying. 

He yanks the knife from their neck and they make a gurgling, wet noise of pain. It’s the sound people make while they drown in their own blood. Billy is more than used to it, and barely registers it. But as quiet as the room is, the noise is deafening for you, and you turn to retch.

“You didn’t kill anyone baby, I promise.” Billy slits their throat so quickly it’s done before you even turn back around. “I killed them, okay?” 

josh washington: 

Josh’s hearing these days is inhuman, which is only fair since Josh himself isn’t quite human these days. 

Also inhuman is his bond with you. He’s in tune with you, to put it lightly. His abnormally cold body forever seeks out the heat of your own. He relishes in your calming scent. He listens eagerly for the sound of your breathing, your heartbeat, your voice. 

That’s why, even with the music at this party turned up to deafening volumes, he registers the sound of your scream as if you were standing side by side. 

The noise awakens something animalistic in him. His mouth, already half split into a permanent, razor-toothed snarl, pulls back even further. He looks monstrous. He pushes and shoves violently through the crowd of mindlessly gyrating bodies in a panic. 

‘Where are you, Y/N?!’ He thinks, sick to his stomach. 

Even through the heavy smells of sweat, alcohol, and weed, he’s able to follow your scent outside. Here he’s in his element. The air is clear and damp, and it’s easy to track you. You’re in the woods just beyond the house, still screaming, when he finds you. 

Immediately he gathers you in his arms, snarling and growling into the open air at any potential threats. 

“I killed him. I killed him, Josh.” You shriek, voice high and sharp with panic. 

He nuzzles his cheek against yours comfortingly. It takes him a second to remember he’s human and can speak. That’s when he smells the blood. His pupils dilate at the sweet, metallic scent and he searches for the source, eyes seeing perfectly even in the darkness of the night. 

His eyes land on a man laying haphazardly on the ground, head bent at an odd angle on a rock. Blood oozes sluggishly over the stone and Josh’s heart stops at the sight. 

“I was just trying to get some air and this guy followed me out here and he wouldn’t leave me alone, so I ran, but he followed me. He followed me! And he tried to…” You sob on the words that won’t come and Josh knows instantly what happened. His mind paints the rest of the horrible picture. “... all I was doing was trying to get him off me. That’s all I was trying to do! I didn’t mean to kill him, Josh. Oh god, I didn’t mean to kill him.”

You’re not a killer. Josh isn’t one either… but if he has to choose which one of you will have to bear the weight of taking a life he knows he won’t let it be you. 

He crosses over to the man, who looks up at Josh with unseeing eyes. There’s only one thing to do. Josh bends down low and braces himself for the way your attacker's blood will taste when he rips out their throat with his teeth.

stu macher: 

text from babygirl/babyboy: [ stu there is someone in the house pls hurry im scared ]

He glanced down at the pocket of his jeans ready to roll his eyes when he heard your text notification. 

You were probably texting him because you’d checked the kitchen and realized you needed some spice or vegetable ‘desperately’ to be able to make dinner tonight. He almost felt like ignoring it and telling you he hadn’t seen the text until he pulled into the driveway of your home. 

But begrudgingly he paused, shifted the grocery bags around in his arms, and pulled out his phone. 

His heart stopped. 

Instantly, he knew you were serious. He might fuck with you like this but you’d never do the same to him. He dropped the groceries on the ground and ran to the car. 

He doesn’t text you to ask if you’re okay. He’s terrified of the answer he could get. More terrified of getting no answer at all, so he just drives. He focuses on the thought of you at home, needing him, and breaks every speeding law there is to get to you. 

He parks down the street so as to not tip off the intruder. He grabs the hunting knife he always keeps in his car even though Billy tells him not to and stalks like an animal toward the home you’ve built together. The rage he feels is indescribable. Someone is in his house terrorizing what’s his. 

He creeps in through the wide open back door of the house. He pauses and listens for a sound over the pounding of the blood in his ear. 

Nothing. For one soul crushing moment there’s nothing at all. 

Then he hears the sound of you crying from upstairs and it makes his heart stop. He runs up the stairs as quietly as he can and throws himself into the bedroom ready to do anything to save you.

But you’ve already saved yourself, it seems. 

You’ve curled yourself up in the corner closest to the door, watching as the man who attacked you bleeds out from the stab wounds you put in his stomach. 

Stu stops moving and watches as the man tries to stop himself from bleeding out, his own cries blending with yours. You were smart enough to keep the knife and you hold it towards the man, shaking with adrenaline and fear.

“Baby-” Stu’s voice breaks the spell you’re in and you turn to him and begin to cry in earnest. You were holding yourself together, waiting on him to save you and he came too late. 

“He’s dying Stu, I killed him. Oh god, I killed someone.” Blood from the knife you’re holding drips onto the hardwood floor of your bedroom. 

“No, baby, you didn’t kill him.” Stu already failed you tonight. He’s not going to let you become a killer because someone broke into your house and you had to survive. 

He crosses the room, kneels in front of the burglar, and stabs them twice in the neck. The warm blood hits his face and he doesn’t even relish in it. Just waits for the light in the burglar’s eyes to dim. When it does he turns back to you. 

“I killed them, honey.”

jd/jason dean: 

The sound of a gunshot rings through the basement loud and clear. 

JD freezes, mind racing as he thinks of what to do next. It’s not every day that you’re caught planting bombs in the building where the Dean’s office happens to be. This was his last stop. 

All the other bombs have already been carefully placed throughout campus. Even if he’s caught now, the detonator is only just out of reach. If he can reach it, the plan will still be a success. The only minor hiccup would be dying beneath a couple thousand piles of rubble. But that’s a small thing. It’d be worth it. For you, JD would do anything. 

This university had taken everything from you. He’d watched it happen. Had sat by, rage simmering just beneath the surface as he tried to let you handle your own problems. You’d insisted he’d let you handle the situation. You’d let yourself get walked all over, is what happened. But JD doesn’t blame you for how everything turned out. 

You’re too gentle. Too sweet. You don’t have that animal instinct to fight or go to war. It was one of the reasons you endeared yourself to JD so quickly. You were intensely vulnerable in a world so resolutely cruel that you were breathtaking just by existing. To watch you come to harm of any kind was painful. But it all ended today. Even if it killed him. 

“Oh no, oh please no.” Your voice makes JD turn in bewilderment. 

“What on Earth are you doing here-” JD’s eyes go wide at the scene before him. 

There’s a security guard on the ground, unconscious, a pool of blood seeping from them. He can see the entry wound on their back. He wonders if the bullet is lodged in them or if it went straight through. 

“I didn’t want to kill him. I was just- I was coming to stop you from doing this but I didn’t… I saw the guard coming up behind you with a gun, and… and his finger was on the trigger. He was gonna kill you. He was gonna-” 

JD steps gracefully around the puddle of blood the guard is making and takes you into his arms. You fall into them with a wet sob. 

He feels his heart go warm, the way it always does when he holds you. You came here to stop him from protecting you and wound up protecting him in turn. Whether you like it or not, the two of you are soulmates. You’ll always come first to one another. Damn the rest of the world entirely. 

But JD knows you’re too tender for this. Knows that killing will break your spirit, not free you the way it freed him. 

He gently pries the gun from your fingers (and almost laughs at the thought of you trying to confront him with his own gun), turns, and shoots the guard execution-style in the back of his head. 

“You didn’t kill anyone, darling. You don’t have it in you.” He pulls you back into his arms. “But don’t worry about that, you’ll never have to when I’m around.”

kevin khatchadourian: 

Kevin told you the guy was bad news. But generally, Kevin was an untrustworthy judge of character because he hated everyone, especially anyone who pulled any of your precious attention away from him. So, you decided to tutor the other man despite Kevin’s insistence you do no such thing. 

You should have listened to Kevin. 

Of course, your classmate didn’t actually need tutoring. He was just trying to get close to you. He said as much as he pinned you against your couch, rough hand sliding up up up your leg, to the juncture of your thighs. It quickly became clear that your classmate didn’t care whether or not you wanted to become close to him as well. 

You’d shoved him away from you as hard as you could once he started trying to remove your clothes. It was a good shove. He’d landed right on the corner of the coffee table. There’d been a sickening crunch as the back of his head hit the wood. Then there was nothing. And now he was making a low, animal noise from what seemed like the very pit of his stomach. He must’ve been in agony. 

You didn’t move a muscle. You were probably in shock. You just sat, holding your ripped shirt to your chest. All the while knowing that if you didn’t do something soon, this man that had tried to force himself on you would die. 

Kevin walked in through the front door of your apartment. You heard him take off his shoes. Throw his keys onto the table in your entryway. Heard him begin to shuffle his way toward the scene of the soon-to-be crime. 

“Y/N?” He’s suddenly kneeling in front of you, blocking the view of your attacker, who still keeps on with that miserable whining. 

“Kevin?” Numbly, you reach for him, place your hands on his shoulders and grip them tightly. You try to pull him towards you but he holds himself away, staring at you. 

“What happened?” 

You glance a little to the side and can see the other man still sprawled across the ground. “I should have listened to you.”

Kevin’s thumb gently drags along your freshly busted lip, smearing blood along the length of your mouth, “What happened?”

His voice is so unusually tender that the haze of confusion and fear breaks and you sob. You try again to pull him towards you and this time he comes willingly, enveloping you in his arms. For someone so distant, who adopts and discards emotions and feelings as easily as a mask, Kevin’s embraces are always tight and all-consuming. 

You stay like that for only a few minutes. When Kevin pulls back, he wipes away your tears with your own ripped shirt. You stare at one another. You never know what he’s thinking, now being no exception, but for once you let yourself get lost in the inky blackness of his eyes and feel comforted, not unnerved. 

“Go take a bath.” The command comes out of nowhere. 

“What? Kevin I-” A slightly louder moan than the rest cuts you off and the look on Kevin’s face fades from whatever was there when he was looking at you to his typical viciousness. 

“I’m going to put him out of his misery. He’s already dying. There’s no use calling an ambulance, and I wouldn’t let you anyway. So you’re going to let me do what I need to do, and you’re going to go take a bath while I do it. Then you’ll go to bed, and when you wake up, it will all be over. Understand?” 

He doesn’t give you the option to disobey. He helps you to your feet, guides you to the bathroom, and even starts the bath for you. Then he goes back into the living room to kill a man as if it means nothing to him. 

You sit in the bath with your knees to your chest, and listen to the sounds of running water instead of focusing on the fact that the man has finally gone quiet.

[novasdarling]

Growing Pains

Yandere! Illumi x reader

TW: Kidnapping Hinted, Pregnancy, Zoldyck Child Training(Idk what to label it as), Sort of Forced Pregnancy and Dubcon, Female Reader.

A cry woke you from your sleep again. It had to be the fifth time in the last few hours that she had woken up. Heading towards the crib near your bed, you checked to see why Sora was crying again. She couldn’t be hungry again, you swore you had just fed her not too long ago. You silently prayed she wasn’t teething yet, you weren't ready for that. Picking her up, you both sat on the bed. Trying to calm her down so you two could sleep again. Usually, she was in her own room with butlers that came to answer her calls at night, like with the other kids. But when Illumi was gone, it was nice to have another in the room with you at night. Even if she wouldn’t sleep.

Trying to hush her to bed seemed to be insignificant. A knock at the door proved that.

“Mrs Illumi.” You always hated how they referred to as that. Always linking you to Illumi. Master Illumi’s wife. Mrs Illumi. Mrs Zoldyck. Never just your name. “If you please, I can take her back to her nursery.” A butler had walked in. She was new but extremely sweet. You wondered how the hell she got here.

“No, I’m fine. Thank you though.”

The butler left, leaving you with a crying baby. She was the fussiest of all your kids. The others were better sleepers by miles. There was nothing you could really do right now, you had changed her, fed her, rocked her. Looking down at her, wondering what would make her cry like this. You needed to calm her, it would be embarrassing to have to call the butler back because you had failed. Failed to get your own child to rest. She was your child, you should be able to do this. Holding Sora closer, you hummed an old lullaby your own mother used to sing to you. It was more for you than her, a way to calm yourself down. If she sensed your tiredness and stress it would only make things worse.

The cries had finally stopped, looking down you saw Sora peacefully sleeping. It worked, the lullaby got her to sleep. Silently thanking your mother's need to sing all the time. You moved to lay Sora back into the bedside crib, but when you put her down, she woke. She just wouldn’t let you be. Taking her back into your arms, you laid her down on the bed near you. Making sure the bed was cleared on her side. Luckily Illumi had gotten the biggest bed possible. You kept your hand on Sora’s stomach. Humming and rubbing her, trying your best to get her back to sleep. Soon the cries stopped, her heavy eyes closed and so did yours. Both of you letting exhaustion win. Getting the much-needed sleep you both had been deprived all night.

The morning light shining through the window had lit up your room. The drawn back curtains had allowed the golden light to fall in and unfortunately hit your eyes. Waking you up. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, looking to the side expecting to see Sora, instead being met with an empty bed. Shooting up you looking around. She wasn’t by your bed, not in her crib. Where was she?

“Sora, Sora? Oh, god where is she?” You were running around the room the room, scared she fell off the bed and crawled somewhere.

“Mrs Illumi. Please relax. Sora is in the nursery with her siblings.”

It was the same butler as last night, she must have heard you running around the room shouting and came in. Her words calmed you down. She or one of the others most of gotten her before you woke up. You let out a breath of relief. She was safe and fine. Thanking and dismissing her, you got ready. Wanting to go see the kids in the nursery.

All you wanted to do was play with the children today, but Illumi was set to arrive back home soon. He'd never allow you to put all your attention on them when he was there. Dressing in Illumi’s favourite dress, as he was supposed to come home after dinner and always liked you ready to greet him in an outfit he enjoyed. It was like this ever since he had taken you as his wife. He had strict rules for you and the children. It was better when you played the part of the perfect wife. After all these years, it had gotten easier. Especially after having Mary and Silva, the twins. You had them to focus on when he was gone, to distract you from him. Illumi even seemed to change. He had always been somewhat kind to you, after all he had taken you and made you his wife because he stated he loved you. But before the twins he was awkward, not knowing how to communicate with you. All he did before was keep the bed warm with you and spoil you in gifts. Even then, it was detached. It was clear he didn’t know what to do with you besides the occasional conversation, sitting in silence, and sex. At least now he was more aware what was needed in a relationship.

Once ready you headed to the nursery. The butler told you all of them there playing. It was nice that there were still moments they could be kids, even if they belonged to the Zoldyck family. Heading down the hall until you came to the room. The nursery was on the other side of the hall. Illumi stated it was best to keep them far from your two’s room. You argued which made him settle on allowing them to have their rooms on the same floor as yours.

Walking into the room you were met with a different view than what you expected. The kids were playing, but they weren't alone. It wasn’t the usual butler that was watching them, no it was Illumi.

“Hello dear. You look wonderful.”

“You’re home early. I thought you were homing after dinner.”

He explained that the target was easier than originally thought so he was able to come home earlier. Illumi was sitting on the couch, holding Sora while watching the other kids play. They all had some features of his. Whether it be his long hair, his height or his large eyes. At least those that did have his eyes didn't have the emptiness like his. According to Kikyo, their eyes were almost like yours. Held the same emotions as yours, but were his shape. Only Silva and Sora looked more like you. Though Silva had his grandfather’s white hair. Born with a full head of it, Kikyo demanded that he have a family name. You were so tired you would have agreed to anything to get everyone away from you and get some rest.

Illumi signalled you over. Putting Sora on the ground to be swarmed by her siblings. Then pulling you down to sit on his lap. A hand on your waist and one on your thigh. He began to talk about his target. How easy it was, the method and plan he used. You always hated how he talked about these things in Infront of the children. They were still so young, but then again, he always told you that soon they would be joining him. It was hard to look at the twins and think that even though they were only eight, they were already getting trained. Being prepared to be taken out on missions with their father. No matter how much you loved them, they would always be seen as possessions of the Zoldyck family. Belonging to Illumi, not you.

“Sweetie, don’t push your brother.” You went to get up, but Illumi held you down.

“Let them be. They can figure things out on their own.”

Illumi went back to ranting about whatever he pleased until he called the butlers in to take the children to training. You tried to ask him to let them stay longer, you had just woken up. Yet, once again Illumi’s word was final. Once the kids left, he led you out of the nursery and back towards the bedroom. Signalling for you to help him undress, he knew you rather have him change his clothes once he got home. It was foolish, but it made you feel like what he did wasn't real if he changed clothes.

“We should have another.”

What

“You-we, I thought we were only going to have the four?” You two already had the twins, Kilian and Sora.

“Yes, but you seem happy with the kids." He turned to look at you. Scanning your face. "Lay down on the bed.”

He was standing there shirtless while your hands were still helping him with his pants zipper. There was no arguing with him. You originally thought after the twins he’d stop but then Kilian came a few years after that and Sora after that. To you, the others weren't planned. At least not on your part. It was only after you found out you were pregnant with Sora that he revealed he wanted four. Illumi tended to do what he pleased with you. In a sense, you were lucky he even brought it up instead of just doing it.

You laid on the bed, watching as he finished undressing. You realized you were still dressed. Your attempts to get undressed were stopped by him. Illumi telling you to just remove your underwear. Doing as he said, sliding them down and off your legs while Illumi watched. His eyes refusing to look away as he crawled on the bed between your legs. He held position you in the middle of the bed. Keeping himself in the middle of your legs. Using his hands to hold them apart while he lowered his head. Moving towards your clit, sucking on it. He was good, too good. It was rather annoying, especially since he was so good at reading you. Listening and watching you to see what worked best, what drove you crazy and right now. He was succeeding. The way his lips attached around your clit, the way he used his tongue. It made you a moaning mess, struggling to get away from him. Only to have his hand come up and hold your hip down. It was mind-numbing in an amazing way. The way his tongue was swirling around your clit was bringing you closer and closer to the edge. It wasn’t fair how he did this to get his way. Make you a puddle so he could do what he pleased. It wasn’t fair, but then again it was better than when you first got here. He just would position you and did what he pleased. Barely even warming you up.

“Good. Almost there.”

You were more than almost there. You were at the edge ready to fall off. Just a few more swirls and you were screaming his name. Gripping his hair, unsure if you wanted to pull him away or bring him closer. It was intense. You were still catching your breath as Illumi wiped off his face and lined himself up. You could barely look straight, too much in a daze. Not focusing on him moving and lining himself up, until you felt his tip at your entrance.

“I-Illumi, I don’t k-know.”

“Shh. I’m not done.”

He wasn’t a man of words unless he wanted to be condescending or rude. Then he seemed to be very skilled with them. It was best to lay back and let him enjoy himself now. If you were good for him, he’d make sure you enjoy it too. But the idea that he wanted another kid was blocking that idea. Were you ever going to get a break from having kids? Sora wasn’t even a year old, this was sooner after than the others.

“Illumi, please, S-Sora's too young.”

“I want a few more and now.” Illumi dipped his head to your ear. Littering a few kisses by your temple and the shell of your ear. While he pushed in. “You always look good-mmmm so tight-when you have my baby.”

His pace was slow while he pushed into you and let you get used to him. The stretch had gotten better over time, it was less intense than the first few times you two were together. Then again, Illumi also learned to focus on getting you warmed up first.

His thrusts were speeding up. His gentleness only lasted so long, he liked to get you off first so he could focus on him. He was selfish in nature, but better than before. His face was buried in the crook of your neck as his hips slammed against yours.

“Good. So good.”

Illumi was in the heat of the moment. Losing himself in your cunt. Fucking into you roughly. The way he was aiming his hips. Trying to get as deep in as possible. Wanting to also hit your sweet spot. It felt good, rough, but good. If he just slowed down a bit he would last longer and make you cum around him.

“Illumi! Illumi! Please, s-slow down. Please.”

“No. I’m almost done.” He was attempting to keep his composer. It was faint, but there was some strain in his voice. “I’m going to put another baby in you.”

He leaned back for a moment, pushing your legs up against your chest into a mating press. Allowing himself to get deeper. He was getting close to becoming too much. You wanted to push him away, but he wouldn’t budge. He was much stronger than you and once he was in the moment, there was very little you could do to push him away.

His grunts were loud and clear in your ear. Letting you know how much enjoyed being with you. He was hitting your sweet spot, ramming into it over and over. He was close, his thrusts were getting sloppy. You were getting close too. It wasn’t fair that he was making you feel so good when this wasn't really for you. He wanted another kid. You knew if he could, he’d probably keep you pregnant all the time.

“You looked good this morning. Laying in bed with Sora. Such a good mom” So that was it. Illumi was getting messy now, something that rarely happened. “I want more.”

The buildup was becoming too much. You clamped down on him, causing him to cum when you did. He held you tighter as he stilled. Filling you as much as he could and as deep as possible. While you were clawing at his back. Illumi was grinding into you, riding out his high. You were trying to catch your breath under him. Both of you lay there coming down from your highs. He came down faster than you, moving off of you to lay beside you. Watching your chest rise and fall trying to catch your breath.

“I hope for another boy like Silva. He’s getting further than I was at his age. Kilian seems to be too sensitive like you.”

Illumi was right, Kilian tended to come back from training in tears. It melted your poor heart. You never wanted this for them. If only all of them were more like Illumi. Mary tended to be a good spy, always telling her dad what you had been up to while he was away. He trained her well. You couldn’t help the way your eyes teared thinking of what your kids had become. They once were innocent little babies like Sora, but even she was receiving some training now and when she got older. She would become like the others.

“They’re kids Illumi...”

“Yes, my kids. They are part of the Zoldyck family and so will the others we have.” He moved closer, sitting up slightly and looking down at you. “I thought we were over this.”

“You're right, I'm sorry."

You remembered how you would cry and beg him to leave the twins alone when they started their training. Sometimes he'd lock you away as punishment so you wouldn't be able to see them for weeks. Spending that time alone crying over them. It was better to let him take them if it meant you could patch up their wounds after and be with them. It was cruel either way.

"Why do you want more now though? Sora is still so young.”

“I saw you with Sora this morning. You were so peaceful with her, you always looked that peaceful when pregnant. You always looked good.”

You smiled at his words. He was always the horniest when you were pregnant or when you two were trying. There was no arguing with him. You thanked him and laid a kiss on his lips. Illumi had come far from all those years ago. He was still cold and calculated, but at least now. Now he had his moments when he was alone with you and occasionally with the kids.

Tip jar

[ranna-alga]

I admittedly got into RDR2 five years late and I remember being confused seeing older comments of fans completely dogpiling on Mary Linton (née Gillis - a character who I interpreted much differently than these users did), but assumed maybe people would have grown up a bit since then and understand Mary better. Unfortunately, I still see so many people completely misunderstand and shit on Mary's character and I want to talk about it (this meta will be my opinion AND biased as a Mary defender, but idc)

I cannot stand it when people, particularly male fans, call Mary "manipulative" or someone who just "uses Arthur when it's convenient to her" because that just isn't true, and it really shows that a lot of the people who just trash on her have no idea what they are actually talking about.

Labelling her as someone who uses Arthur just for her own personal conveniences makes no sense when you consider the fact that so many other characters, including members of the Van der Linde gang, have also asked Arthur to do things for them, including requests that are much worse than anything Mary could have asked for (you know, like Strauss for example?). Not only that, but if Arthur rejects Mary's help, she doesn't get angry - if anything, she understands why he may be reluctant to help her. If Mary truly only wanted to use Arthur, she wouldn't have shown how grateful she was for his help and how much she truly did miss spending time with him by asking him out on a date to the theatre.

And to those who criticise her for not being able to leave her family sooner: do you... not remember the time period this story is set in? All of RDR2 (1899 - 1907) takes place before women got electoral equality with men (1928) and during the main story's time, women were very much under the control of their husbands - or their fathers if they were not married. A big reason as to why Arthur wasn't able to marry Mary in the first place when they were courting each other was because her father didn't approve of his outlaw lifestyle (also, I am unsure if Mary ever alluded to her marriage with Barry Linton being an arranged one, but I lowkey got that impression - perhaps her father wanted to severe the relationship between Mary and Arthur completely by arranging a marriage for her with another man who was also from a seemingly middle-class background/very much not an outlaw and ensure the relationship between her and Arthur would end).

Even if she had more of her own autonomy, we must remember that Mary is part of an abusive family unit. She often tries to excuse her father's terrible actions even though she knows how awful of a man he has become over the years. She is isolated and is hopping from one temporary shelter to another (Valentine, Saint Denis, etc) - she is a widow, she cannot depend on her father obviously, she cannot depend on her mother since she died, nor could she depend on her brother Jamie since perhaps she thought that she was meant to be the source of dependency as the older sibling. Mary said it herself in her goodbye letter (if Arthur rejects to help her) that she truly had no one else to turn to. Arthur was literally the only other person she could ask help from and even then, it seemed like a last resort after not interacting with each other for many years before her first mission and her being apologetic for taking up his time.

Mary holds a lot of regret and remorse for how things ended and it is clear she still thinks about what could have been between her and Arthur. When she fully accepts that she doesn't want to continue living such a miserable life because of her family, she makes a big leap in suggesting she and Arthur run away together, a parallel to Arthur's proposal years before, showing that she has grown and no longer wants to accept a life she feels trapped in.

People who criticise Mary for not being able to leave her family + the life she has always known behind should also consider how Arthur is the exact same. He is as much of a victim of this unfair circumstance as Mary is, but we have seen how he couldn't leave the gang life behind. It was what he died for, after all. He failed to meet the promise he made to Mary that he would run away with her after getting some money and ensuring the gang members' safety - which technically isn't his fault since this was pre-Guarma, but Mary couldn't have known about that. To her, he kept making promises he couldn't keep/getting dragged into violent crime life and she couldn't bear to continue having false hope anymore.

It's a shame that Mary has been given such a bad rap by certain fans who have mischaracterised her. Her story is a sad one and so is her love story with Arthur. I will always love and defend Mary (+ the other main female characters of RDR2) and I truly wonder how different her and Arthur's lives would have been if they managed to run away and get married (TB ideally excluded) and how happy they would have been.

[samble-movedd]

madohomu isn't "toxic".

madohomu isn't "abusive".

the behaviors they exhibit that are labeled this way only seem such because they are out of context.

for example. pre-rebellion, there were "homura antis" who called homura an abuser (no, i am not making this up, check out @/magicalgirlfanproblems' pmmm tags) for things like her yelling at madoka. out of context, ofc this sounds mean and malicious. but in context, 99% of the time she says something "mean" to madoka in the main series or raises her voice is because madoka is about to make a literal canon deal with the devil that would lead to her dying in horrifying ways. it's the same way you shouldn't normally yell at a child, but yelling "don't touch that!" in panic if they're about to touch a hot stove makes sense and isn't "bad" with the context.

during and post-rebellion, this "homura is an evil abuser, madohomu is toxic" issue only got worse, because again, without context, homura seems to be controlling and malicious.

...but the "proof" that's used to prove this, again, lacks context.

"homura forces madoka out of godhood against her will". yes. but she is doing this because when she previously spoke to madoka (who had her memories of being a goddess gone, unbeknownst to homura), madoka said that being such would distress her, and she couldn't imagine bearing it. that she wouldn't ever want to do this. ofc, memories restored madoka wanted to stay a goddess, but homura didn't know this — it's also heavily implied that what she said while without memories were her true thoughts on the matter, and any "no, i love doing it" statement is mostly posturing.

related to this is the plot point a lot of people also miss, where being this goddess figure puts madoka in constant danger of being captured or controlled by the incubators, a species that canonically have caused the deaths of billions of children, and who do not care about human morals regarding this. it's openly stated that, even if homura had allowed madoka to save her and not acted, the incubators would have just done the same labyrinth experiment with literally any other magical girl they could get their hands on, over and over, until they were able to end up controlling madoka. but even them just seeing her towards the end of rebellion was a massive danger, as they now know madoka is a person and not just a concept, and can be manipulated and caught.

homura's new world is also often used as "proof" homura is controlling and evil. but...her "new world" is one where all her friends are happy, and everyone has a nice time except her. madoka has her family and friends. mami isn't alone, because she has bebe/nagisa. nagisa, a girl she knew for maybe a week and had no prior connections with, is alive, and has a happy life with mami. kyoko and sayaka live together so that sayaka isn't an implied latchkey kid, and kyoko isn't constantly alone and isolated anymore.

homura did not have to do these things. if she just wanted madoka safe, she could have put her in a lonely world with literally no one else. homura doesn't even much like sayaka — she could have easily erased sayaka from the world, or made her miserable. but she doesn't do these things. she genuinely wants her friends (especially madoka) to be happy.

"but the new world is dangerous and unstable, homura is also putting madoka into danger!" madoka's world is also unstable, if you really want to split hairs. the big danger with homura's is someone (esp madoka) could remember the previous world and their roles in it. madoka's world...had homura fully remembering madoka and the previous world, even though this isn't meant to be possible. madoka's brother also remembered her on some level. if you want to get super technical, madoka also made an unstable world that put people in danger, as homura remembering madoka directly led to the incubators knowing about madoka and the previous witch system.

this isn't even going into the background. homura doesn't act cold because she's bored and wants to, she's seen her friends die literally a hundred times or more in various horrifying ways. if you're going to complain about her personality while ignoring canon and context, you really need to channel every single pmmm character hate post i saw from the 2010s and hate all of them, because none of them are as flawless as people seem to want homura to be. madoka cries a lot and has a tendency to do things without thinking. sayaka "died over a dumb crush" if you really want to emulate posts from 2015. mami is a useless character only there for shock value. kyoko is an overly aggressive weirdo. if you're going to hold the same beliefs about homura as people did a decade ago, you can't be this choosey. and yet 99% of modern character hate for pmmm nowadays is directly almost solely at homura, as though she's the only flawed character in the show.

there are still posts made in this very year about this. here's one my mutual @angelroute found (yes, posted in 2024):

and not only is it deeply ironic (seeing this person had a madoka icon while being so hateful), ignorant of canon (with being a magical girl portrayed as a positive in the show where it leads to dying horrifically), and weirdly vindictive (op is thirty and this mad at a fictitious middle schooler), but it shows how strange and backwards 90% of "anti homura" arguments are at their core. they're perfectly fine spitting on canon and all context to call homura and homura alone an evil character while covering their ears to anything that may suggest otherwise.

ive seen homura called a rapist and a predator, though there's nothing even remotely sexual in canon and nothing that ever even implies this is a possibility. homura being a creep is/was a major fanon trope. homura being an abuser as a fanon belief is so prevalent that people believe it when most of canon points to the opposite —

she's not actually evil or abusive, she's a child who never got help for trauma, and genuinely believes she's following what her best friend would have wanted. she's not doing what she does in rebellion because she got bored and decided she just wanted to control madoka, she is trying to protect her and is misguided from what memory-less madoka said, so believes she's following madoka's actual desires.

she's not evil. she needed help desperately and never got it, and half the fandom falls for the facade of "im sick and twisted" put up by a middle schooler.

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

ableism in mha

okay so i was scrolling and i came across this post and it helped me reorganize a lot of thoughts ive been thinking sense i first started mha. ive always been not a fan of izuku getting ofa in the first place as it felt to me as it almost completely erased any meaning of his backstory. it felt like such a plot armor/mary sue moment but in the end i got over it, assuming that most likely he would loose it at one point (i was right but we'll get to that later).

after he enters UA its almost as if his entire past is just like- not important?? i have plenty of hcs about his suppressed trauma and if you read into a lot of the situations he goes thru in the manga i can see it but is not blatantly said/expressed that he struggles with a complex from how he was treated as a child.

in the end mha becomes a manga mostly focused on some sort of version of not judging a person by their cover. The fact that a technically "villainous" quirk does not make someone a bad person.

now ofc this is totally true. no one should be overlooked or declined rights or decency because of the quirk they have. this lesson is a valid one.

the analogy i have made up in my head is this.

people who are born with "hero-like" or "useful" quirks, for example: bakugou, todoroki, hawks etc are beautiful people

(for the context of this metaphor ignore the fact that beauty is complex and is in the eye of the beholder just roll with me)

and then you have the people with "useless" or average quirks that are just average people

and then you have people like toga or shinsou with quirks that are seen as inherently dangerous. quirks that are unable to be used for good. those are the ugly people.

now obviously we shouldnt discriminate people just because society says they are ugly. there is no doubt in that and it is a tragedy that it happened and still happens.

however

20% of the population cannot even fall onto this scale. the quirkless. aka the disabled. they are not even seen as being worth a label on the scale because they are so disgusting and strange that no one wants to remember yhey exist.

i wouldnt be as upset by the lack of talk about quirkless people if izuku wasnt quirkless, if the first arc of mha wasnt izuku struggling with the fact that no one in the world cares about him but his mom and that not even her believes he can achieve anything because of his disability.

the whole set up was izuku wanted to be a hero DESPITE his disability. even though truly he thought it was impossible. he didnt work out, he didnt try and do anything to become a hero because he believed everyone was right. that what society had been telling him his whole life was true and he couldnt be a hero. but he wanted to despite that. that was the hook of mha. at least for me.

a bullied lonely boy with a disability achieves his dream despite society. despite being told at every turn that he couldnt do it. he said he can and he does.

but thats not what happened at all.

instead some pillar of all that is heroic drops down from the sky and magically cures his disability. and suddenly hes just a normal kid.

and suddenly we forget all about midoriya izuku and how hard it is to be quirkless. how much quirkless people struggle. how many of them must commit suicide because of yhe seeming completely normalized harassment of them in everyday life.

and i dont want to blame izuku for this because in the end hes a kid with trauma who just wants to fit in. its frankly quite obvious that he whole heartedly agrees with bakugou and everyone else from his past that yeah quirkless people are useless.

the way he treated Melissa in the movie broke my heart. he belittled her like it was second nature and while he obviously had no malicious feelings toward her because of her quirklessness he sees her as a second class citizen. hes surprised that she is able to achieve things despite her disability. that she manages to be happy in a world where she isnt "normal".

and again in the long run i dont truly blame izuku for feeling this way. like everyone he is a product of his environment.

again, however:

i do blame horikoshi

do we need to be nicer to people with villainous quirks: yes ofc

but your manga isnt about that. your manga is about someone whose seen as even less than that. you can address both issues.

having bakugou break down about izuku becoming quirkless was good but that was pretty much all we got.

and what happenes when izuku looses ofa?? he gives up on being a hero.

how the hell does that make sense

everyone in japan knows this boys name. he is considered a top hero. and he just drops off the face the hero scene?

hatsume exists??? izukus face has been in her boobs TWICE for gods sake. yaoyorozu can make things out of thin and are they had to wait 8 years.

izuku is too smart to not think of that.

it would take hatsume 3 days max.

and ignoring that whole point again hori is pushing the idea that bakugou and everyone from aldera were CORRECT. that yeah u were right to think the quirkless of useless cause like they cant do anything :3c

izuku has had NO growth this whole manga. all hes learned is how to hit things how to kick things and awww kacchan sad :(((.

nothing about believing in himself. nothing about how he can be a hero despite the odds. nothing even about the power of friendship helping him to overcome.

im just like wtf hori.

[tortillamastersblog]

♕ No Matter What - Part 15 | Lena Luthor ♕

Pairing: Lena Luthor x reader

Warnings: mentions of blood, injuries and some swearing

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist

________________________________________________

I slip in and out of consciousness for what feels like an eternity until an explosion close by makes me flinch involuntarily.

My eyes snap open and my brain tries to make sense of all the blurry things I’m seeing.

There’s flashes of light, muffled shouts and gunshots and for a second I think I’m overseas again.

Then, however a pair of warm hands cups my cheeks and turns my head.

I blink rapidly until a pair of green eyes comes into focus above me.

“Lena.” I gasp, the metallic taste of blood in my mouth almost making me gag.

The young woman has tears in her eyes and her face is scrunched up in pain.

“Don’t say anything,” she urged and when she lets go of one of my cheeks to press her hand against my side I yelp weakly.

My shaking hands try to pry her’s off my waist, but she pleads, “No, stop. I’m trying to help,” while my blood seeps through her fingers.

“It hurts.” I managed to get out and Lena’s guilty eyes meet mine again.

“I know,” she croaks. “I’m sorry.”

Around us, I still hear shouting and gunshots and I let my head roll to the side to see what’s going on.

Several heavily armed figures are swarming the place with their guns at the ready, shooting occasionally.

My eyes land on an unmoving body nearby and I feel disappointment wash over me when I realize it’s not Lex but his goon, Otis Graves.

There’s a pool of blood around his head and I’m assuming he’s been shot.

“Y/N, hey,” Lena’s voice makes me tear my eyes off the body. “Stay with me.”

I try to smile but a cough racking cough shakes my entire body and I feel more blood run down the side of my mouth.

“Lex. . .?” I ask weakly and Lena moves her one hand from my cheek down to my neck, tracing her thumb over my skin in soothing circles.

“They’ll get him,” she says with a watery smile.

Good. At least one good thing came out of this.

I don’t know when or how she got here, and how she managed to get help this quickly, but I couldn’t care less about any of that.

All that matters is that she’s okay and that Lex won’t be able to get to her anymore.

I feel the fight leave my body and let out a shallow breath, allowing my head to loll to the side again.

My eyes begin fluttering, but before I get to close them, Lena’s hand is back on my cheek, forcing me to look at her.

“No, hey! Keep your eyes open. You hear me?!” she’s crying softly and I want to wipe away her tears but my arm won’t move. She sits up straighter and looks around frantically, shouting for help.

My ears begin ringing and my breaths are coming out shorter and more shallow.

This must be how Noah felt, I think, remembering how I used to be in Lena’s position, trying desperately to stop the blood from seeping out of Noah’s chest.

The sound of his rattling and gurgling breath still haunts me to this day and if I could, I’d switch places with Lena just so she doesn’t have to feel like I felt back then.

But then again, I wouldn’t want her to have been shot, so I’m glad it’s me on the ground and not her.

My eyes flutter again and a wave of exhaustion washes over me and I can’t help but let them close.

Just for a few minutes, I tell myself.

Lena’s warm touch lulls me to sleep even more and the last thing I hear before drifting off is her desperate plea of,“No! Please. . . You told me you’d stay with me, no matter what. Remember?! Y/N, please.”

When my eyes blink open, the first thing that comes to mind is that I’m dead because I’m warm and comfortable. Then, however I look, seeing that I’m in a hospital room.

I’m exhausted beyond belief, but the pain is completely gone and when I glance at the bag on the IV pole next to my bed labeled Morphine I know why.

It’s dark outside, I realize when my eyes drift to the large window before sweeping over the rest of my surroundings.

The room is dark as well, but because of all the monitors and machines next to my bed it’s not as dark as outside.

A small body, slumped over in a chair next to me catches my attention and it’s then that I feel the person’s hand in my own.

Oh shit. . .

“Rubes,” I whispered as I squeeze her little hand. “Hey, wake up.”

I don’t know what time it is, but it must be late if she fell asleep and if she’s here, Sam can’t be far either.

But where is Lena?

I can’t imagine how worried they must have been and I’m sure I’ll hear all about it later when Sam returns and Ruby’s out of earshot.

Speaking of the devil, the door to my room slowly opens and in steps Sam, dressed in pajama pants and a hoodie.

She’s holding what looks like a cup of coffee and she moves slowly so as to not make too much noise.

Even in the dark, I can make out the circles under her eyes and I feel horrible, knowing she probably hasn’t slept a wink.

She goes to sit on the vacant chair next to Ruby’s, the girl still fast asleep, but then her eyes connect with mine and she shrieks, dropping the coffee before slapping her hand over her mouth.

“Y/N!” Her eyes tear up and she rushes to hug me.

Ruby startles from the sudden movement, whining at being woken up so abruptly but the she realizes what’s going on and throws her arms around my neck as well.

“Hey, guys,” I whisper as they both cry against me. “It’s alright. I’m going to be okay.”

Sam shakes her head and pulls back while Ruby continues to cling to me. “You don’t know that!” she hisses with tears streaming down her cheek. “Have you seen the state you’re in?! The doctors say it’s a miracle you’re still alive.”

I frown anxiously take her hand. “I’m sorry, Sam. That’s not what I— Shit. . . I’m sorry.”

Sam sighs and squeezes my hand, using her free hand to wipe at her tears. “No, please. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. You just woke up and — We were so worried about you. I can’t believe Lex—“

“You know what happened?” I cut her off with wide eyes.

She nods. “Lena told us. She called while you were in surgery.”

Lena. . . My Lena.

“Where is she?” I ask quietly. “Is she okay?”

Lex’s words stung more than I’d like to admit and the fact that she’s not here makes me worry that he was right about everything.

I am a nobody and I wouldn’t be surprised if she thinks she deserves better than what I have to offer. Which isn’t a lot, let’s not forget.

I’m not poor per se, but Lex is right. I’m nowhere near as wealthy as the Luthor family and if we’re going by their standards, I am poor.

Oh, and not to mention my fucked up family situation and the mountain of trauma I bring with me everywhere I go.

“Hey,” Sam squeezes my hand again, bringing me back to reality. She’s watching me with curiosity, knowing I tend to get into my own head. “She’s okay. I sent her home. She was exhausted. She wanted to stay with you, but she almost fell off the chair in her sleep.“

Ruby chuckles against my chest, clearly amused by the memory and I can’t help but smile as well.

Okay, so maybe Lex was wrong after all.

But what if—

“Stop it.”

I raise my eyes to meet Sam’s glare.

“What?!” I defend weakly, but she just raises an eyebrow.

“I can practically hear you overthinking,” she says with a deadpan voice which makes me roll my eyes.

“Okay, okay.” I give in, running the hand that’s not holding Sam’s over Ruby’s back. “It’s kind of creepy how you always know.”

Sam laughs and tilts her head adorably. “It’s not creepy. I just know you.”

I huff, not knowing what else to say and close my eyes for a moment.

The morphine might be working overtime to stop me from feeling any pain, but it’s also making me feel drowsy and with the comforting weight of Ruby’s head on my chest I feel like falling asleep.

“Y/N?” Sam whispers after a moment, and I force myself to open my eyes again.

“Hmm?”

“Tired?” she asks softly and I nod. “Okay. We’ll let you get some rest then. . . Unless you want us to stay?”

I shake my head and press a kiss to Ruby’s forehead. “No, it’s okay. I can’t imagine how tired you guys must be.”

Sam squeezes my hand one last time before letting go and prying a half-asleep Ruby off of.

The young girl whines at the loss of contact, but once she wakes up completely, she lets Sam guide her out of the room.

“We’ll stop by again tomorrow, alright?” Sam asks as she’s already halfway out the door.

“Please do,” I say with a smile, sending them off with a wave before finally turning over and closing my eyes again.

The next time I wake up is when a doctor, Doctor Mike, comes into my room to check on me.

By now, the sun has come up, bathing my room in a soft orange light and I just lean back as he goes to check all my bandages and bruises.

He tells me I have a few cracked ribs from where the baseball bat hit my side, and a sprained shoulder.

He also tells me I had some internal bleeding from when Lex shot me and kicked me in the stomach, but they managed to fix everything during surgery.

“Now, the only thing we have to keep a close eye on is your leg,” he says, once he’s done examining my stitches.

“My leg?” I frown. As far as I know the only injuries either of my legs sustained are a couple of scrapes and bruises from when I got knocked off my bike.

“Yes,” Doctor Mike says with a grimace. “Once we dial back the painkillers, you should feel a burning or tingling sensation run down the side of either just your left leg or both of your legs.”

He watches me closely for a reaction, but I don’t react which prompts him to continue explaining.

“The bullet grazed your lower spine,” he says. “We know there is some nerve damage, but we can’t know how extensive it is until you’re completely off any and all pain medication.”

I gulp and clench my hands into fists, only now noticing the bruises on my wrists where my hands were chained together. “So am I going to be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life?”

Doctor Mike shakes his head. “No, no definitely not, but it is possible that even after physical therapy your leg or legs won’t ever feel and function the same as before.”

I swallow the growing lump in my throat and press the heels of my hands against my eyes.

“For now,” Doctor Mike continues softly after a beat of silence, “You should focus on resting and letting your body recover though. We’ll worry about everything else after.”

I don’t say anything and just continue to press my hands against my eyes.

There’s nothing I could possibly say right now because I’m still processing.

“I-I’ll give you some space,” Doctor Mike says after quite some time. “If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask for me.”

Silence.

Then, the sound of the door opening and closing confirms that he has left.

I drop my hands into my lap and bend my head, no longer holding back my sobs until I pass out once again, exhausted.

“Oh, my poor baby. . .”

My mom’s voice reaching my ears makes me open my eyes slowly.

I look to my right where it came from, thinking I might have just imagined it, but then my gaze lands on her sitting on the chair by my bed.

To my surprise, she’s not alone. Next to her is my dad and behind the two of them, standing with a nervous smile on her face, is Harper.

My dad looks paler and thinner than the last time I saw him, but it’s him nonetheless.

I clench my jaw, ready for a screaming match even though I just woke up, but then he suddenly starts. . .crying?

He grabs my hand and squeezes it between his own and bends his head in shame.

My mom and Harper watch wordlessly, though the sympathetic look in their eyes makes me soften as well, even if it’s just the tiniest bit.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, his voice strained. “I- I fucked up, Y/N. So, so badly. I hurt you because I was hurt. I was so. . .fucking hurt. . . but I know that’s no excuse for how I treated you. I wanted to reach out sooner. . . The guilt was eating me up on the inside and I thought— I thought I already lost one of my kids. I can’t lose the other one, too. I don’t want to lose you.”

That’s all I’ve wanted to hear ever since he kicked me out a little over a year ago, but what is it they say, sometimes words can be just a little too late.

Coward!

I pull my hand out of his and cradle it against my chest as if his touch burns.

He looks up with tears in his eyes and when his eyes meet mine, I can see the realization that I’m not forgiving him on his face.

“Y/N. . .” My mom tries to intervene, but my dad cuts her off with a sad smile.

“Don’t,” he says quietly. “It’s okay. I-I’m going to wait in the car.”

My mom looks between the two of us with a conflicted frown, but before she can object my dad’s already on his feet.

He sends me a tight lipped smile that I don’t return before leaving the room with slumped shoulders.

It’s looks pathetic, and I wonder if that’s what I looked like when he kicked me out.

Harper hesitantly sits down on the now vacant chair and after a few minutes of awkward small talk the tension between the three of us disappears.

My mom and Harper both fawn over me, telling me how worried they’ve been and saying how they found out about what happened when they turned on the news.

Apparently Kara, who was still at Lena’s when Lex called, filmed everything with her phone and started a livestream on the CatCo website.

Law enforcement was called immediately and Lena being the genius she is, traced Lex’s call back to our location outside of the city.

She and Alfred followed the police to the warehouse and went in after the building was breached and Otis Graves was shot.

It turns out Lex was arrested without incident after he tried to make a run for it and is now in police custody with another attempted murder charge to his name.

They’re also going to trial him for blackmailing Lena and kidnapping me which will most definitely earn him a spot in a high security prison in the desert.

My mom and Harper stay for about two hours before leaving, seeing that I’m still struggling to stay awake for more than a handful of hours.

They leave behind a bouquet of flowers and small teddy bear that joins Sam’s and Ruby’s stuffed koala on the windowsill which they bring with them when they visit me a couple hours later.

Kara, Winn and James also stop by over the course of the day, checking in with me and showing me all the news article about the event before leaving again with the promise of returning soon.

As it’s nearing dinner time, my windowsill now full of flowers and get well cards, I can’t help but worry about Lena.

She’s the only one that hasn’t come to see me yet and because Sam’s not here to stop my overthinking, my thoughts begin to spiral.

________________________________________________

Uh oh, where’s Lena 👀. . .??

Tag list: @nerethos @orange15quote @nuianced-tck-enby @autorasexy @unexpected-character @nothisismax @wandatasha @rosea-reginae

PSA about the tag list:

If I can’t find your blog when I try to tag you, I will reply to your comment asking to be tagged and tell you that you’re account is hidden and that you can’t be tagged.

If, from that point onwards, you don’t change your settings and I still can’t find you when trying to tag you in the next part, you will be removed from the tag list and I won’t try tagging you again in future parts.

I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but this has happened a few times now and I don’t have the time or energy to reply to your comments multiple times, telling you to change your settings.