#it's a lot worse but i feel censored

[arolesbianism]

Thinks abt my lob corp nuggets oh so hard. I may only have second hand half remembered knowledge of project moon worldbuilding but I will still forever obsess over my lil guys who suck absolute ass

[fragmentedblade]

I honestly have a pretty bad time capturing the heliobi

[boy-above]

j/hn wolfe make one video without complaining abt ur audience challenge

[thechaoticfanartist]

People with hearing loss are allowed to curse we're not babies thank you very much <3

[samgiddings]

EUGHJH

[luckybyler]

This was a reply to someone else, but I'm making this its own post because so many people are being so evil right now re: Noah Schnapp.

You can find other, longer explanations with history and all, but all the places I've seen more or less agree with this:

So you're all calling people to cancel Noah because he's in favor of a Jewish nation in what is today Israel. Which is a perfectly reasonable, decent and educated opinion to have, especially when you, to use a trendy term, "educate yourself" and find out why the state of Israel was created.

11000 dead Palestinians, half of them children

According to Hamas. Don't forget that, ever. They're the current, official government of Gaza, thus they're the ones who give numbers. This means that the real number could be 10, 1 million, anything in between. What I've read is that they probably give more of less accurate total numbers. What they fail to do, however, is distinguish between Hamas militants and civilians, and beteween civilians killed by IDF strikes, civilians killed by failed Hamas or Palestininan Islamic Jihad's rockets (which happens a lot), and Palestinians murdered by Hamas/PIJ (which also happens, a whole damn lot). They also don't specify how many civilians they have prevented or tried to prevent from evacuating or receiving aid.

11k dead people is a horrible number. Even 1 dead person is a horrible number. However, urban warfare in such a densely populated area is its own kind of hell, especially when the other side is fond of using civilians as human shields in every way possible. The fact that the number is 11k and not 50k, 100k, and so on, indicates that the IDF have indeed done a lot to minimize deaths. You don't genocide people by doing roof knocks, opening evacuation lines, dropping guided bombs, putting up an Iron Dome to deal with rockets while avoiding escalation, etc. simply because actual genocide, while a lot worse, is also cheaper, easier and faster than what they're doing. This is important because caling every act of war genocide dilutes the word, and there are actual genocides happening around the world. Also, there is a difference between striking military targets and causing civilian deaths as a side effect (what the IDF is doing) and planning and carrying out a massacre deliberately targeting civilians and inflicting as much pain and humilliation as possible on them. And there is a difference between doing so by breaking a ceasefire (which is what Hamas did), and defending your country because if you don't do that a terrorist group will anhilate you (which is what the IDF is doing).

Back to Noah. So far, these are the things that people have tried to cancel him for:

Traveling to Israel (a completely normal thing)

Having Israeli friends (another completely normal thing)

Condemning Hamas' horrible attack on October 7th (the decent thing to do)

Posting a statement saying he feels unsafe as a Jewish person in the US (which, given the rise of antisemitic acts in the world, including the US, including where he lives and where he studies, is a valid feeling to have)

Signing a letter, along with Shawn Levy, Brett Gelman, Ross Duffer and I think Cara Buono, asking Biden to press for the liberation of every hostage by Hamas. This especially shows the utter ignorance of the cancellers because, as it turns out, caring about every hostage implies a slowdown of IDF's actions (and, at the time, a delay of a ground invasion).

Supporting the existence and preservation of the state of Israel (once again, a completely normal thing). The fact that people are turning against him for these things says to me that the real reason you are all hating Noah is beacuse:

He's Jewish. Like, really really Jewish.

And the fact that this all comes from a place of antisemitism isn't hidden at all: I've seen y'all on here, on Twitter, Reddit, every other social media calling him slurs (such as "cunt"), censoring his name, pretending he's not part of the cast, asking the Duffers/Netflix to fire him, wishing him failure, doxxing him, calling on his classmates to physically assault him, etc. He doesn't need to educate himself: you guys are already teaching him a great lesson on why a Jewish state is necessary. If that's the treament he gets from his own "fans", what can he expect from the world at large?

[preservationofnormalcy]

[My name is Meghan Hendricks, and I’m about to do something stupid.]

[I’ve scheduled my work to be sent to my superior in the federal government’s oversight committee unless I stop it in one week. A dead woman’s hand. It’ll be somewhat fruitless - I’ve begun to suspect that my work will be restricted, censored, and buried like most other things the Office does.

A lot of the people I talk to are exculpatory of the Office, even if they say they have questions or concerns. I think most of them mean it. I don’t think it’s brainwashing. I think in such a tighly knit community as the supernatural world people feel a more genuine sense of belonging than they might otherwise. A werewolf helping werewolves is going to understandably try and defend the hand that deals the help, even if they’ve bit it in the past. But one thing I’ve learned as I’ve been peeling up rocks and seeing what scurries away is that something isn’t right. Something is hiding in plain sight.

Most people don’t know about it. They can feel the shape of it, the outline the absence of something makes. Some people, however, do know. At least a little. I’ve seen them avoid questions, look away, end interviews. I can see it in their eyes. They know enough to not want to know more.

All of that brings me here, to the backwoods of upstate New York. I’m dressed in all black, wearing a mask and gloves. My clothing smells of peppermint, and in my bag is a bottle of peppermint oil. It stung my eyes and, before I got the dilution right, burned my skin. I look in my car’s rear view mirror and it hits me that I look ridiculous. I don’t know for sure why the factory foreman Barry warned me about the peppermint, but I had a theory. 

For the last few minutes I’d seen the shape rising into the air, the metal tower with red lights up its length. That was where I needed to be. The highway was thankfully bare, at this time of night. As was the turn-off onto an unmarked gravel road, only distinguishable by the Office’s symbol on a plastic sign, held up on a thin metal spike. I’d learned by now that the broader public couldn’t see the Office logos and signage until they’d been exposed to the extranormal, something the Office calls “memetic masking.” I was, in their terminology, memetically inoculated, and it was that fact that ironically helped me find the path. The gravel road went into the forest, but I pulled over past the road’s entry, into the small area of grass down past the turnoff. I pulled a tarp from my car and threw it over the vehicle, once again feeling ludicrous…and frankly, a little scared. 

The hike was about twenty minutes, mostly uphill on a gentle incline, the numbers station being built on a hill. I’d done worse, but not in a while. I could see pretty well in the light of the full moon, a fact that made me a little more nervous. I walked along the edge of the gravel road, in the dark - hiking onto a government facility, my nerves went wild. Every shift of leaves meant an agent clad in camo, every whip of wind causing a noise that made me think of the things I’d seen since I began this assignment. Not this assignment, I had to remind myself. This wasn’t part of it. Not really.

I saw the fence in the distance first - an eight foot chain link fence that stretched as far as I could see in either direction. Past the fence, I could see dark buildings, giant spools of wire, and above it all the metal tower of the station. I hadn’t exactly planned for this, even though I knew it was more than likely. The handheld cutters in my back pocket were ready, but something in me didn’t want to cut the links, even if I fully intended to pass the fence. Getting in some other way could be a blunder, accidental. Cutting the chain meant intent.]

C] 1 15 12 24 2 12 12 21 16 26 1 15 12 22 21 19 6 26 2 25 3 16 3 22 25

[The voice almost made me vomit. I spun and saw a man. Disheveled, haggard, an unkempt beard and long hair. Older, in his 50’s, but being dirty and ragged made him look even older. He didn’t even look at me, mumbling numbers so fast I could only understand them later once I slowed them down in my recording. After his string of digits he stood there, looking at the fence, then back to me. In the moon’s light I saw his dirty, torn jumpsuit, the logo for the Office on the man’s arm and chest, along with an embroidered nametag - Cecil.]

M] Wh- who are you? What are you doing here? 

C] 4 12 25 16 23 23 12 11 22 2 1 1 15 12 23 8 25 1 22 13 2 26 1 15 8 1 18 21 22 4 26 16 1 26 9 25 22 18 12 21

[His stare was distant, vacant. It was a shock when his hand moved suddenly, pointing upward to the moon. It took me a second to realize what he was saying, and when I did, it confirmed my suspicions.]

M] Here? Now? 

C] 1 15 12 6 19 19 23 2 21 16 26 15 15 16 20 13 22 25 19 16 3 16 21 14 1 15 25 22 2 14 15 16 1

[With that, he turned and walked away. He looked back once, pausing as if making sure I was following - which, despite my better judgment, I did. I attempted to ask him some more questions, trying to understand who he was or why he was here, but he didn’t respond. Not even with his numbers. 

After a moment of walking by the fence, we walked away from it, down the hill. A steep path, rocky and unstable, that he navigated with ease. It was only after climbing down past a tree and a rocky face that I noticed “Cecil” backtracking up a few steps. A huge drainage pipe jutted out from the hillside, hidden from above by rocks and plants. A piece of wood in the pipe was the only flimsy protection, and without hesitation Cecil pulled it aside and bent over to climb inside. Here I was, in the middle of the woods, about to climb into a dirty tunnel to a strange old man’s bunker. 

I could hear a match catch fire just as I stepped down onto a concrete floor and stood up past the metal pipe. The space was small, a concrete box that ended in a pile of rubble. It must have been the entrance to an underground section of the complex at one point, but now was only a covered shelter. A camp stove, a bed, an orderly pile of refuse. He was living hard out here, but he was living. Cecil put the match into an old oil lantern and held it up to one wall. ]

C] 13 16 21 16 1 12 2 21 16 3 12 25 26 12 13 16 21 16 1 12 1 22 22 19 26 4 12 19 22 22 18 12 11 9 12 6 22 21 11

[All over the concrete wall, pasted or taped, were papers. Mainly old documents from the Office, with the Office logo watermarked on their corners. Many of them featured heavy black redaction bars. Some were torn, upside down. Cut in patterns, circled with heavy marker lines. I’d seen things like this in movies, of course. The stereotypical red string and thumbtacks on corkboard. This was different, however. When I looked over the collage I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t a man trying to figure things out. He’d already figured it out, in his own way, and this was some kind of…archive. Memorial. A reminder. I looked at him, and he looked down to the floor. In shame? Sorrow? I couldn’t tell. I scanned the wall again, trying to find some order.  

‘Numbers Station 23 Decommissioned By Order Of Reality Compliance Council.’ ‘Bulletin From Director Walker On Directive 61722.’ ‘Los Angeles–’ the last one was torn off.]

C] 26 15 12 16 26 14 22 21 12 13 22 25 12 3 12 25 26 15 12 11 16 11 21 22 1 11 16 12

M] What is all this? Who ARE you?

C] 1 15 12 23 25 16 21 10 16 23 8 19 16 1 6 4 16 19 19 8 3 12 21 14 12 15 12 25

M] Listen, I – I don’t want numbers. Can you speak?

C] 15 16 26 13 2 1 2 25 12 16 26 2 21 18 21 22 4 8 9 19 12 8 21 11 1 15 2 26 16 21 13 16 21 16 1 12

M] You used to work for the Office…at the numbers station? This numbers station? Is that why you can only –

C] 4 12 18 16 19 19 12 11 25 12 8 19 16 1 6 1 22 26 1 22 23 15 16 20

[I must admit to some frustration. I scan the wall again. None of it made sense. Clearly it did to Cecil, otherwise he wouldn’t have saved all of this. Was the numbers station related to…what happened to my brother? Phrases leap out at me: ‘reality compliance’, ‘the equation’, ‘project dammerung.’ That last one was…all over. There were scraps, shreds with the phrase, but all of it redacted.]

M] What is this? Project Dammerung? 

C] 2 19 1 16 20 8 1 12 4 12 8 23 22 21 13 22 25 1 15 12 2 19 1 16 20 8 1 12 13 12 8 25

M] I don’t…I don’t have time for this. You know why I’m here. Are you going to help me, or not?

[Cecil was silent for once, looking around hesitantly, and finally back to the floor. I give him a moment to respond, and when he remains silent, I take in a breath.]

M] Right. Thank you, Mister…Cecil. I’ll…

[He raises his hand, almost as if he wanted to grab my arm, but was too timid. Raising the lantern to a section of the wall, he gestured to a particular document, from Office Security, or O-Sec. A photo of a serious-looking Asian-American man, Corporal Han. Most of the document was blacked out. Was this a warning? I take in the wall one last time, and drop my bag so I can reach for my camera. A polaroid - no digital trail, no getting the photos developed. With a click I snapped a photo of the wall. 

A noise distracted me. I turned, and Cecil was going through my bag.]

M] Uhh…sir? Cecil? 

[He stopped, looking up at me in almost surprise, as if he’d forgotten I was even there. ]

C] 1 15 12 12 20 16 26 26 8 25 6 26 14 25 8 21 11 11 8 2 14 15 1 12 25 4 16 19 19 1 8 18 12 15 16 26 23 19 8 10 12

[He slid the bag back over to me. I couldn’t figure out what he was looking for, but it didn’t matter now. I needed to get out of there. I put the camera back in, quickly checking that nothing was missing, and backed up towards the pipe.]

M] I know you showed me this for a reason. I’ll figure out how it all adds up, I promise. 

[I enter the pipe again, leaving the old man holding his lantern.]

M] Thank you.

[When I turn away, he looks to his wall one more time. 

I emerge alone into the moonlight, attempting the climb back up the hill. Though I had more scraps of information, I was back at square one, or so I thought. When I reached the top and made it back to the fence, I saw a section of the chain link that had broken, detached from the pole nearby and bent away, covered in a bush that only kept it half hidden. This must be where Cecil still entered the facility. 

The gap in the fence opened up into what seemed to be a storage yard, the place I’d seen past the fence earlier. Piles of tarp-covered metal or wood beams, spools of wire as tall as I was. In the moonlight, I could see poles dotting the yard, cables stretched between them, each one bearing a floodlight. Though everything had been organized and put away securely, I got the feeling no one official had been here in a long time. Leaves covered most surfaces, and cobwebs shone in the dim light along the roof of a nearby shed. 

Again, it struck me that I didn’t know what I was doing. Any information or leads would be in the building past the storage yard, and surely that had better security? Cameras, keycard locks - what was I even doing here? Walking through the yard, almost lost in thought - the tower of the station rose into the night sky in the distance, red lights along its length. They almost looked like eyes along the body of some thin creature, frozen against the stars. 

And then, lights near the station building. I stood still for a moment, uncomprehending until a pair of floodlights on poles a short distance away snapped on, then the next set. The lights were turning on this way, towards me. I had seconds to react, and I did what I’d practiced. In my bag’s side pocket was a plastic bag, containing a gross mess of wet cotton balls, soaked in diluted peppermint oil. Despite my panic, I threw them in all directions, slinging a handful of them in a wide arc, and then hid before the lights were on in my section of the yard. I could hear the electric buzz of the floodlights snapping on just as I ducked behind a row of wire spools, trying to stop my racing heart.

As I debated my options - running, waiting out the lights…maybe they were on a timer? I heard footsteps approaching, crunching on the leaves and pine needles that had accumulated over the unattended years.  When they got closer, I tried to peek through the center of one of the spools I was hiding behind. I saw his uniform first, O-Sec, Office Security. A large man, built like a weightlifter - could see the black shine of a gun in his right hand and my heart leapt into my throat. It was the man from Cecil’s mural, Corporal Han. Was he the officer assigned to this site? I should have known the Office would still have security even on decommissioned stations like this.]

H] I know you’re here. 

[He stopped in a large open area, looking around at the stacks of materials around him, the sheds and tarps - all hiding places.]

H] Normally, I might blame teenagers. Kids getting a kick out of trespassing on Office property. We had one group a few months ago, teenagers. Two humans, a fae and a vampire. They all forgot their vamp friend couldn’t enter without permission. Fun night.

[He paused, letting the silence fall again. I could see him look around, eyes scanning the yard and narrowing. He sniffed the air in a way that seemed…odd.]

H] But judging by the smell…I think you know what you’re doing. You came in with an idea of what was going on. Either you’re a professional, or someone told you…

[He carefully walked, passing behind a small shed and out of my view. I panicked that I lost track of him for a moment, but then there was a sickening sound. Like flesh stripping and bones crunching, and Han’s voice hissing. Then a sound that echoed through the yard, the sound of a hand - no, a claw, grabbing onto the edge of the shed’s corrugated metal wall, digging in and tearing the metal. A shape followed it. A long maw of shining teeth, white fur. A raised canine lip in a familiar but terrifying gesture of anger and aggression, a low rumble as the muzzle raised, and smelled the air. Then, a whine, another growl, sneezing and huffing as the muzzle retreated behind the shed again, out of my view. Another crunch, a growl, and Han staggered past the shed. Haggard, sweating, panting softly, looking incensed.]

H] And if someone told you, I’m going to have a nice, long…conversation with them. 

[He tried to collect himself, catch his breath, run a hand through his hair. He pulled a bandana from a pocket of his uniform, pulling it over his mouth and nose.]

H] You have one minute. One minute until I call backup. You can hide from me, but can you run from a dozen of us? Most of them won’t have my…shortcomings. 

[My heart was pounding. My head was swimming. My fingers were going numb. I couldn’t claim innocence, not when they found out who I was. Could I make a break for it? All of the ways out seemed to be past him, and if he was what he seemed to be, it would be a short chase. It would end up better for me if I surrendered now, but what happens after that? I’d never work again…or worse.]

H] Cecil?

[Han’s voice was confused, concerned. I snapped around to watch through a gap in the spools as Cecil approached, holding a bottle. The bottle of peppermint oil. He must have taken it earlier when he was looking through my bag.]

C] 1 15 12 18 21 16 14 15 1 9 12 8 25 26 1 15 12 14 2 16 19 1 15 12 16 26 25 16 14 15 1

H] Cecil, what did I tell you about–

[Han took in a breath through the cloth, and exhaled, clearly frustrated. His voice was sharp, low, but his face softened, and there was a soft click as he put his gun away.]

H] Why the peppermint, man? You know what that does to my nose. Were you just trying to sneak around without me knowing? 

[Cecil looked at the bottle, then dropped it.]

C] 26 22 20 12 26 1 16 19 19 13 12 12 19 23 15 8 21 1 22 20 23 8 16 21

H] Are you taking your medicine? Probably not. Let’s….let’s get you back home. Not that bunker, home. 

[Cecil seemed to hesitate, but Han put a hand on his upper arm.]

H] You know you can’t be here. Come on. If you come with me to the station I’ll ask someone to bring you dinner when they come pick you up. Okay?

C] 25 12 8 19 16 1 6 4 8 26 13 22 2 21 11 4 8 21 1 16 21 14

[The older man lowered his head, but followed Han as the guard turned and walked back towards the station - but not before looking around, deciding on the row of spools I was hiding behind, and nodding, jerking his head towards the direction of the gap in the fence.

I didn’t need to be told twice. Once Han and Cecil were out of sight, I ran to the exit. I don’t remember much of the next several minutes - running a roundabout way through the forest, coming to the edge, following that until I found my car. I didn’t allow myself time to decompress. I slammed the keys into the ignition and pulled out onto the highway. 

The tears came just as it started to rain, and I drove until it became difficult to continue. I had gained nothing from this. Nothing but a panic attack and a long-lasting nightmare, a recurring dream with claws, spools of wire, and the scent of peppermint. ]

[sports-on-sundays]

serious / LN4

Summary: Lando Norris x girlfriend!reader - The problem is worse than Lando expected. And Lando is worse at comforting than you expected. Takes place after the Singapore 2023 Grand Prix.

Warnings: GIF is not mine!!!, me possibley being super inaccurate abotut how stuff actually works but it's okay because I was just having fun writing and it's fine, censored cussing, crying/sobbing pushing for intimate things when reader doesn't want to - NO SMUT, screaming, the shock of learning of the death of a loved one, a bit of angst

Requested?: Nope.

Author's Note: I'm currently feeling very affectionate feelings towards Lando. Which means I'm gonna have a lot of desire to write Lando brainrot.

Just as your mother hangs up, you hear your boyfriend's voice practically squeal behind you, "Y/n! There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere. Why'd you leave early?"

"Lando, I-" you start, but are interrupted by Lando's arms wrapping around you from behind and him exclaiming, "P2, pumpkin! P2!"

That nickname sprouts from a few different factors. One is that it's not an uncommon pet name. Another is that when you first met, your hair had been dyed orange, and you were decked out in papaya from head to toe. And, of course, the fact that anything pumpkin flavoured is just about your favourite food ever is another good reason for the nickname.

But right now, you're not in the mood for pet names. "Lando, that's grea-"

He hugs your middle tighter, resting his chin on your shoulder, muttering, "I'm so disappointed you weren't there to see me... It was so fun..."

Suddenly, you feel guilty. And suddenly, you feel like if you were to start going on about your problems, right now, when Lando is so happy... That would just be wrong. So you, somehow, allow yourself to not even process the news you just got on the phone with your mother, and say softly to Lando, "Oh, that's great...! I... I'm so sorry I didn't see. I would have... I would have loved to." It takes all you have to not let your voice crack. You just have to hope that in the darker lighting, Lando won't be able to notice your tear-stained cheeks.

"It's okay... It was amazing. Carlos got P1, and Lewis P3."

You find a smile, turning around to face him, looking up at him in his eyes, which appear to be a greyish blue in this lighting. They shine in the dimly lit night. You hope yours don't shine as much as his are. Because if yours were shining that much, you know it'd be because of tears.

He strokes your cheek. His defined curls are a little messy, and his hand soft on your skin. He grips your waist gently then, slowly swaying back and forth.

It's a strange feeling. With Lando being so happy at getting P2 in the Singapore Grand Prix alongside his friend Carlos, the joy is just radiating off of him towards you. But you can't accept it. The pain you feel right now is like a shield against letting his good mood rub off on you.

Don't cry.

You should've been there to hug and kiss him as soon as he exited the car. You should've been there to watch him step on that podium and spray that champagne. You should've. You should've. You should've.

You would have loved too. Along with the pain of the news you just received, the regret of not being there to see Lando is too much, crashing down on you.

You start walking, arms linked, to the car. Once you're in and Lando has started driving, you mutter, "We're just going back to the hotel, right?"

"Oh, uh, sure! As long as that's what you want," you boyfriend responds. You feel a sinking feeling. You feel so bad.

"Why? What else did you have in mind?"

"Oh, nothing really," he shrugs. "It wasn't any real cemented plans. And regardless, you're probably right. It's been a long night. Fun, but exhausting. I'm definitely tired." And, as if just to prove it, he gives a big yawn. You nod, staring ahead at all the streetlights in the lit up night. Because of everyone trying to leave all at once, and the huge amounts of people, unsurprisingly, you're stopped up, and moving pretty slow. You sigh. You just want to get to the hotel to sleep and snuggle your boyfriend as soon as possible. You're not sure how soon as soon as possible could be now, looking at this traffic.

"So, why did you have to leave your seat, anyway?"

You swallow. You honestly were hoping he would've just forgotten about that, in the excitement of his podium. But nope. Of course he didn't. He only remembers things when it shouldn't matter to remember them. But forgets everything important.

"Well, I just had a long... phone call," you respond, surprised that's technically not even a lie. "We were talking about some really complicated stuff. I needed to leave to... talk about it."

"Oh, alright," he nods, completely trusting you. It's sweet how much trust he puts in you.

"Hey, pumpkin, really?" Lando asks, shaking you awake. "Are you alright?"

"Hmmm?" you grunt softly, your eyes fluttering open.

"We're at the hotel. You fell asleep while I was driving there." He helps your tired body out of the car, and you make your way to the hotel room together.

The moment the door clicks behind you and you're inside the hotel room with your boyfriend, he pushes you against the door, making out with you, his hand cupping the nape of your neck.

You feel sick.

He runs his hands in your hair, on your neck, and down your body.

Finally you're the one to pull away, but before you have a change to say a word, Lando leans in and starts speaking. He has such a big mouth- he's always been this way, since you met. He's never able to shut up. "Pumpkin, I can tell you haven't had as much of a good day as I have. Can I share some of my happiness with you?"

He kisses you all down your neck, but it doesn't feel good.

His nickname for you has always been pumpkin. And yours for him has always been 'sunshine' or 'my sunshine'. Whenever you're feeling bad, he always manages to make you feel better. He's like the sunshine to your cloudy day; the light to your darkness.

But now you don't feel it.

"Lando," you breathe. "Can we go to bed now?"

"Hmmm, whyyy?" he whines. "Are you sleepy? Has it been a long day? Do you need your beauty rest?" This lighthearted teasing right now honestly just feeling like insulting. Most of the time it would make you laugh and loosen up. Right now, it doesn't seem to be working.

"Lando," you sigh, shaking your head and stepping away. You stare into his eyes for a few seconds, before turning and slipping into bed. Not facing him.

You feel him standing across the room in silence for a few seconds, before he sighs and murmurs, "M'kay, Y/n. Well, sleep tight. Love you."

You sigh. Ever since the relationship started, he used that word. Love. The first time he said he loved you was on your first date. So because of that, sometimes you wonder when he means it, and when they're just sweet words he uses to try to make you feel better.

Right now, you're not sure which it is.

You sigh, knowing that you have to pretend to be going to sleep, despite the raging of your thoughts that's keeping your body from slumber.

You wake up in the middle of the night, and you feel Lando's arms around you and his body against your back. He just doesn't understand. You sigh again. Even when you turn away from him, he just clings on from behind. He's fast asleep- you can tell by his soft, deep breath on your neck. All cuddled in. With not a care in the world. You sigh again, pressing your cheek against the pillow, clamping your eyes shut tightly, wishing the pain would go away. Wishing you could be happy with Lando's podium. Wishing you could be sleeping just as contently as him.

Your thoughts rage again. It's so strange. The world, so peaceful, but your head, in turmoil. But the sounds outside of your head- Lando's breathing, the heating vent, cars going by outside... You imagine all the happy people. Partying... Whatever they do. You forget.

You suppose there have got to be other people laying awake right now, too, though. Maybe other people with their partner sleeping next to them, but not sleeping next to their partner. You swallow.

Lando, I need you. I need you to help me. Why won't you help me?

"Are you feeling better?" Lando asks as soon as your eyes are fluttering awake the next morning.

You sigh, turning to face him. Him and his beautiful shining eyes in the morning light. "No, I'm not..." you breathe, deciding now that the night is over, it's okay to talk with him now, explain your distress, and be honest. "I'm still not feeling great. Last-"

But he interrupts you.

"Oh, Y/n, then I want to make you feel great..." he says it in a soft, seductive voice that makes you feel just a little sick. He strokes your cheek, before leaning in and slowly caressing your neck with his tongue.

But suddenly, an indescribable rage fills up in you, pushing out the pleasure that was sneaking in, and you push him away. You throw off the white sheets and quickly slip on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt from your open suitcase on the floor. Lando is about to say something, but you grab the closest thing to your hand- the television remote- and throw it at him as hard as you can. It's on target, but because of his cursed reflexes he dodges it.

"Y/n-"

But it's your turn to interrupt him. "Lando, stop!" you practically scream, tears starting to fill your eyes. "You don't even care! You don't care! You just want to enjoy my body and celebrate all in the name of 'comforting me'! You're not even asking what the f*cking problem is! You're terrible! Terrible! You're a terrible boyfriend!" Now the tears are coming down in steady streams, and words that you don't even mean- venom- escapes from your mouth:

"Lando, I hate you!"

He looks shocked, and slips out of the bed, holding a hand out to you. He takes a step closer, but you flip him, slip on your slides, and leave the hotel room, slamming the door as hard as you can behind you.

You run away from him, crying the whole time. You go to the completely different side of Singapore. You find a spot to sit and cry, burying your wet eyes in your arms. Soon enough, you call your mother with shaky fingers. She picks up after three rings, saying softly, "Hey, Y/n..."

"Hi, Mum..." you trail off. "So... I'll head back to L- London... As soon as I can..." You're sure that your mother can tell by your voice that you've been crying. Ugly crying. She just sounds tired. Empty. That's kind of how you feel.

"Oh, sweetie," she says softly. "Thank you... I appreciate it... So, so much..."

"I know, Mum," you sigh deeply.

"I forgot to ask this last night just from the shock of it all but... On a slightly brighter note, Lando got second place, right?"

This comment makes you feel mixed. Good because your mother loves you and Lando enough to still look up the results of the Singapore Grand Prix after all the terrible tragedy that was just dropped on their family last night, especially since she doesn't even like Formula One. But anger at the mention of Lando himself.

You almost forget to respond. "Oh, right, yeah. He did... He's... happy about that. U-hm, so yeah, we'll leave Singapore as soon as possible and get back to London... And... yeah. We can deal with... everything."

"Yes..." your mother sniffs. "Right. Thank you... I should let you go now... Bye, I love you..."

"I love you too, Mum," you murmur, and then she hangs up. Your phone goes back to your contacts, and your eyes rest upon your brother's contacts. A slight desire to see what your last text conversation was raises up in you, but you fight it, shaking your head. You can't. You feel your eyes sprout tears again. And then your eyes linger on Lando's contact. He's sent messages to you, but you've ignored them. He tried calling once, but maybe didn't try again because he figured it was a long cause.

I need you, Lando. I'm broken. Your eyes linger again on your brother's contact. He's gone. How can he be gone that fast? You swallow, your world spinning around you, as if at any moment it will all just crumble down. Lando, I need to feel your strong arms. I need you. I need to tell you. Please. I need to feel your arms, because I'll never feel his arms around me ever again... You let out a soft sob, pulling at your tangled hair, shaking your head. Your whole body is shaking. Lando, I need you. So why don't you care? Why?

Why are you so selfish?

You're not sure how much time passes. Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Either way, it's too much to be basking in this agony...

Suddenly, your phone rings.

You're relieved to see it's not Lando, but instead it's...

Oscar?

You only got his number because you needed to text him about something a couple months ago- you honestly don't even remember what it was, it was so unimportant. You have a policy generally of not texting other guys, since you're in a relationship. But in confusion, you answer it, and speak softly, not wanting it to sound like you've been crying. "Oscar?"

"Y/n," he says.

"What's up?"

"Where are you? W-"

"Did Lando tell you to call me?"

He sighs, and after a few seconds of hesitation, says, "Listen, Y/n. Lando's worried sick. He's practically pulling out his hair. If you'd've heard all the stuff he's rambling about..."

"What's he rambling about?"

"He's sorry, he didn't know, he needs you back. You know. He's nervous. He's getting way too nervous, though, talking about you breaking up. He still hasn't told me what happened, though."

"So he told you to call me?"

"No. I called you because I and everyone else is sick of Lando's stressing. So if you would kindly come back and comfort your boyfr-"

You know there's a teasing aspect in Oscar's voice, and you know it's just because he doesn't understand, but you still feel anger raise up within you because of it. "He should be the one comforting me!" you snap, your voice cracking.

There's a few seconds of silence, before Oscar says much gentler and softer, "Are you okay, Y/n?"

"No, I'm not okay! And Lando doesn't f*cking care, either!" Deep down, you know you shouldn't talk to Oscar like this, considering you don't even know each other that well, but it just feels like you can't hold your painful words back.

"Uh... One moment, please..." You wait a few seconds in confusion, before Oscar says, "Lando wants to talk to you."

"Oscar n-"

"Y/n," Lando's voice says over the phone.

Just the sound of him saying your name like that hits you in the heart like an arrow and causes you to start to bleed.

Just the sound of his voice saying your name.

"Lando..." you say, not even sure what to feel.

"Y/n, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Just please come back. Where are you? Are you okay? Are you safe?"

You hesitate. "I'm just sitting on a street corner..."

"Y/n, it's been hours!" he exclaims.

"Really?" you ask, genuinely numb and unaware.

"Yes! Please, come back to the hotel! I'm here waiting for you... We just... We need to talk. Obviously, we need to talk."

You swallow, a pit rising in your stomach. Your voice cracks as you say, "Lando, you..."

"I what?" he asks softly.

"Nothing..."

"Are you okay? Would you rather me come and get you?"

"No... I'll just come back to the hotel myself... And tell Oscar thank you."

"For what?"

"I don't know..." you shake your head, standing up. "Just tell him thank you."

"O... Okay. Um, well, see you soon, pumpkin. Bye."

"Bye, I..." Your voice trails off. You're so used to finishing that sentence in a certain way, but now...?

But now Lando finishes it for you. "...love you." And he hangs up.

You run to the bus stop.

The moment Lando sees you, he runs to you and envelopes you in a tight hug. You bury your face in his soft shoulder, and can no longer keep yourself from bursting into tears.

"Y/n, Y/n..." he breathes, stroking your hair. He leads you into the building and you step into the family bathroom for a little bit of privacy.

Quickly, you pull yourself together, taking a step back from him, looking up into his eyes. He looks back at you, and the twos words come from his lips: "I'm sorry."

You swallow. "For what?"

"I don't know what's wrong, but clearly it's worse than I thought... I was just so happy, and I figured if I could just make you feel better... But I went about it in the whole wrong way... I... I'm sorry, Y/n." He gently takes both your hands.

"Lando, I'm sorry, too..." you sigh. "Something... something terrible happened, and I just couldn't control my emotions, so I screamed at you and said... I said things that aren't even true. Lando, I... I don't hate you. I love you."

He seems slightly relieved, and gently rubs his thumb over your knuckles. "Why haven't you told me what's wrong?"

"Last night, I didn't want to, because I didn't want to ruin your moment of getting P2. Then this morning when I was about to tell you, you wouldn't let me..."

"Y/n," he breathes. "I know and I'm... I'm so sorry. I'll try harder. I'm so, so sorry. Can you... Can you tell me what's wrong now? I'm ready to comfort you now. I'm ready to quit being selfish now."

You look into his eyes for a few moment, before looking down, wiping the tears at your eyes before they even come. A part of you always wonders which of his words are fabricated and which ones are from the heart. "Last night, I left because my mother was speaking with me about something very serious on the phone..."

He looks at you with concerned eyes, patiently waiting for you to speak, only understanding now how serious this is.

You hesitate, before uttering, "Last night my older brother passed away."

Lando looks stricken, with wide, shocked eyes. His hands in yours start to tremble. It's like he's paralyzed.

Kind of like how you felt last night. In total shock.

Lando knew your brother. Not well, but he had met him. Your brother had teased him about McLaren, because he was just about the biggest RedBull fan around. He had teased him and treated him like a younger brother. And not only that, but you've talked about your brother a lot. Different, funny things he's always done, or a foolish story about him that you knew would make Lando laugh. Just nice things. You never spoke bad about your brother. But you spoke about him a lot.

Because you loved him.

It's terrible to think that now you're going to be speaking about him with 'was' and 'did' instead of 'is' and 'does'.

And then, Lando hugs you. It's warm. After a few moments, he slips his hands down under your thighs and picks you up. And he just holds you. Your tears are coming back, but you let them come.

"Now we have to plan the funeral and it's going to be so hard... Lando, I can't do this, but my mother needs help... As soon as we get back to London, I'm going to see her," you breathe, clinging to him.

He nods. "Would you like me to come with you, or would you prefer to go to see her alone?"

You shrug, shaking. "I don't know, Lando... Just... Just hold me..." You're holding the back of his shirt so tight. "You're all I need right now."

He kisses your cheek very gently, and does just that. But then he starts whispering. He whispers about random things, like the picnic we had the other day, or about how your favorite football team is doing. It's like he's reminding you- no matter what, the world is still spinning, and somehow, we're both still living humans who are going to be alright. "Y/n, I'm going to do everything for you, okay? Everything you need. I'm going to be there and help you when you need it. Because we're here for each other. We always will be. It's going to be okay, alright? I know it feels like your world is falling apart right now, but I've got you, and it's going to be okay in the end. Okay? Because I love you too much, and I'm going to help you through this."

I sniff. "Why couldn't you be like this right off the bat...?" I murmur.

"Be like what?" he asks in concern.

You sigh. "Why couldn't you comfort me like this right off the bat."

"Y/n, I'm sorry... I didn't know-"

"I didn't know you were able of comforting! I just thought it was something you couldn't do or something!"

You can see Lando swallow. "Y/n, I'm sorry. I didn't know... I'll try harder to-"

"It's fine," you breathe, shaking your head, although you're not sure how fine it really is, before leaning your head on his shoulder, sniffling.

He sighs big, obviously burdened. He kisses your cheek again. "Are you ready to head, then...? Or do you need more time...?"

"We have a long flight," you sigh. "We should get going now..."

Lando gently, slowly, slips you back down onto your feet. He strokes your hair, his face close to yours, looking into your eyes. "I'm here for you, okay?"

You nod, mopping up your wet, salty eyes with a paper towel. It's your turn to kiss his cheek now. "I understand, Lando. And I... forgive you. And I love that you forgive me, too."

"Of course I do," he says, exiting the bathroom, grabbing your hand. He puts his hood up and his sunglasses on. "I love you, pumpkin, okay?"

You sigh shakily, giving his hand a squeeze. "I... I love you, too... my sunshine."

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch

Long story short, I owe the BL gods, so I'll be watching TWO series from my Petty List during the month of June. This list includes shows I haven't watched for purely petty reasons, so I'm asking the crowd to pick the two shows I will watch from all the MAME series, some censored Chinese bromances, a few sexual tension-filled Korean bromances, and one wild card.

I'm making my first ever poll, so whichever two series get the highest numbers will be the two I watch. And for all the kind people in the crowd, this is not the time to think about me. Pick your favorite. And for all the people who I annoy on the daily with my wild ass takes that piss you off, pick TharnType. But there is a possibility of a secret thirteenth option that would hurt me much worse . . .

The petty ass reasons are below the poll.

Disclaimer: If you're going to read the petty ass reasons, I need you to understand these are PETTY ASS REASONS, so don't try to hit me with 2,000 words about why me not watching censored bromances is a problem or why me not liking your fave hurts your feelings. Nah. Pick a show!

MAME

Love By Chance

This show came out at the end of 2018, and I watched the first episode, maybe first two, and thought it was boring. Then, in 2019, I saw a GIF of the locker scene, so I recommitted. I made it past the first episode just when the PerthSaint drama started spilling out everywhere, so I chucked the deuces and haven't returned since.

TharnType

For some reason, I couldn't find the first episode when it aired. Then, I found out how the first episode ended. Then, I found out about Type's past. Then, I just kept finding out more awful stuff until eventually the MewGulf shit finally hit the fan, and I was still reeling from the PerthSaint drama (and the emerging ZeeSaint chaos). At this point, I've built this show up so much that I'm afraid to see what it is actually about.

Don't Say No

A story of another GIF of a locker room scene sucking me in! After the first two MAME pairs blew up, I believed her shows were cursed, so I opted out of watching this one even though I thought it would be the one to vibe with me the most. But the biggest reason was because the main characters came from TharnType, so I felt like I would have to watch TharnType to understand this show, which was a big hell nah.

Love in the Air

I watched this through mutuals on my dash, so I feel like I did watch it. It is also the highest rated MAME series, so I had faith in it. However, when I found out about Sky's past, TharnType's ghost popped back up, and I realized this demon of a show is gonna haunt me in every MAME series.

The Wedding Plan

Y'all hated one of the leads so much while it was airing that I now hate him, and I don't think I can let that go, so I'm coming in with pre-hate and TharnType's ghost, but on top of that, some of y'all said it was boring. But what is boring in a MAME series? Consent? Not kidnapping someone? I never got answers, so I'm very conflicted about this show.

Censored Chinese

The Untamed

It's color coded, but FIFTY FUCKING EPISODES! What is this shit? Grey's Anatomy? The fuck! Second, once China pulled Addicted, I was holding grudges for life because it crossed from entertainment censorship into real-world oppression, so I could not bring myself to support media from a country that openly discriminates against the queers when I live in America where our highest court is just one Supreme Court Justice away from making us all live in the damn Mojo Dojo Casa House.

Word of Honor

It's color coded, but THIRTY-SIX FUCKING EPISODES! What is this shit? Supernatural?! The fuck! Second, I don't know the difference between this and The Untamed. Both are color-coded, one of them has a lot of uncles (?), one of them has awful facial hair, and they all have pretty outfits. Every time someone makes a reference about these shows, I just nod the same way I do when people mention Star Wars because none of it makes sense.

Guardian

I spent two years believing Killer and Healer was Guardian. I haven't watched either, but I thought they were the same show. Honestly, if this show wins, I might just watch Killer and Healer because I will forget they are not the same show. Don't they both solve cases? And because it's China, past lives must be involved, no? I'm looking at their MDLs as I write this, and I'm still not convinced they are different.

Stay with Me

It's color coded, but I know how it ends, and word on the street is that IS the ending since a second season seems unlikely. China couldn't just let me be hurt over Addicted, the original. No. Gotta hurt me again with Addicted, the remake. Rude af.

The Spirealm

First off, SEVENTY-EIGHT FUCKING EPISODES! What is this shit? Law & Order: SVU?! The fuck! I know how this ends, and it ain't happy! I don't care how people are trying to spin it, so to sit through SEVENTY-EIGHT DAMN EPISODES just for that ending already has me irate. And don't try telling me Viki combined episodes so it's only thirty-four. That's still a lot. However, everybody who has watched it says it's phenomenal, so is the pain worth it or are these people all lying so they convince themselves it was worth it?

Korean Bromance

Beyond Evil

With most Korean dramas, I feel like I missing something important. Like some part of the story does not click with me and I stay lost for the rest of the show. I suck it up for the queers, but the not-queers-but-it-is-queer shows . . . nah, and especially one about cops . . . (-_-). Also, The Worst of Evil just showed, and it was another reminder that I need these cops to quit their jobs and just screw each other. Embrace "Be Gay. Do Crime"

The Devil Judge

I know enough about Kpop to know GOT7 would not let one of its members kiss a man in this show. I looked at those GIFs of Jeff Satur and Jackson Wang on their show knowing damn well that if Wang got too close to Satur, an entire management team would have ascended from hell and kidnapped both of them, so the promo for this show was so wild because it felt queerbait-adjacent, and I was salty about it.

WILD CARD!

This option will be automatically unlocked IF this stupid little poll gets 216 votes, so I have high hopes this will not happen since I ain't that popular and I hate this wild card which is . . .

SOTUS

This show is my original TharnType. It came out in 2016. I watched it live. I watched the sequel. I remember neither. New was in it? Off was in it?! WHAT?! I have no memory of this show except Krist wiping his mouth, and I have carried that with me for eight damn years. I loved Be My Favorite, so I thought I moved past whatever strange grudge I was holding against this man who doesn't know I exist nor care, but then I saw that trailer for The Ex-Morning, and unlike Elsa, I can't let this shit go, so I'm willing to play Jumanji and go back into the jungle to finish this once and all.

So what it's gonna be, mi gente. Which demons am I facing for Pride and what shows do I get to stay petty about? Help me decide!

[258punkweight]

i rly do think it's about time to stop with excluding teens from online lgbt spaces. a lot of us just don't have anywhere else to go

like once in spanish class our teacher showed us this article about trans women entering beauty pageants. and i heard the majority of my classmates saying transphobic shit which made my blood boil. my school has a confessions page on instagram and i see people saying bioessentialist things about who can use the girls' bathroom. despite my school having a gsa, if i was trans i would NOT feel safe here ! and i live in california which is known for being a blue state !! i imagine it's probably worse elsewhere

yes there are queer youth centers but unless u live in a major city (i don't) that's not an option. even then, a lot of lgbt kids don't have accepting parents ! going to one might be dangerous for someone in a situation like that. so for a lot of us, online is the only place we can truly be ourselves... and it can be quite disheartening to see half of who is SUPPOSED to be ur community say shit like "if ur a minor gtfo or i'll kill u !!!!!"

i'm not trying to tell u a rebranded version of "think of the children." i don't think u should censor urself. bc surprise surprise, we're human beings just like u ! human beings fully capable of filtering out the content we don't want to see !! i promise, a teenager will not explode and die if they see a boob

[picturejasper20]

Let's talk about Sam's parents and their relationship with Sam because, just wow, it gives quite a lot of context to Sam's character. I'm going to analyse the episode ¨Control Freaks¨ since that is the episode we get to see the most of Sam's family and her relationship with them.

Okay, so, at the start of the episode we have Pam suggesting to Sam to wear a different type of dress- one that is pink with flowers- that resembles the way Pam and Jeremy usually look. They both have more colorful clothes and are more chirpy.

There doesn't seem to be any exactly harmful in this scene- it is Pam just suggesting to Sam to wear something different, she isn't exactly ordering her. However, based on other things they do later in the episode, it wouldn't surprise me that they ¨force¨ these things on Sam, from things she should like to her fashion. Meaning we are already seeing some... questionable aspects of the Mansons parenting.

Danny later shows up in the Manson's house bringing a ¨anti-social¨ music cassette/CD for Sam and Pam and Jeremy look at Danny this way.

Throughout the episode they show their clear disapproval of Danny hanging out with Sam. They see Danny as a ¨bad influence¨ to their own daughter even though is Sam the one who suggested to skip school to see the circus.

They clearly don't like the Fentons, something i can't fully blame them because Jack and Maddie can leave a mess wherever they go to and usually end up shooting the Mansons when they are nearby. But just because they dislike the Fentons, they don't want Sam to be meeting with Danny, not caring how that makes Sam feel.

Like i want to believe this part of the series humor but they go so far to filling a restraining order for Danny to not get near Sam. Just trying to impose certain fashion and likes on Sam wasn't enough, they want to control who she can and can't meet up with.

If they weren't giving wrong vibes already, then lets talk about that ¨anti-goth protest¨ they organized in front of the circus to ¨protect the children¨ that shows up during most of the episode.

I don't know, but they give me the impression of those parents that would try to censor certain type of music or videogames because they are ¨ruining¨ the children. And from what it is implied, this isn't the first time they have organized these type of protests, so it could be assumed they could have done more extreme things in the past.

Honestly, i'm not sure how Pam and Jeremy turned out like this, because Ida is a lot nicer and open minded than they are. In fact, at some point of the episode she shows Sam that she was like her when she was around her age and lets her sneak out to look for Danny.

On last point, one thing i found quite messed up is how at the end of the episode they force Sam to wear that pink dress that Pam suggested her at the start with the condition that she could see Danny again if she did.

Things like these makes me wonder if they usually impose Sam to act and be feminine since she acts differently in contrast to how other girls of her age usually do. There isn't much indication of this, but based on what i have seen so far, i wouldn't rule it out.

Now, look, in spite of everything i'm not sure if i would call Sam's parents downright abusive- they were right about getting mad at Sam for skipping school among other things- but they still come off as controlling and they take things to the extreme. It isn't right for them to forbid Sam for meeting with some of the few friends she has nor force on her how identity and likes should be.

Sam has a lot of issues as character for not changing and having a proper arc, but i can't fully blame her for the way she often acts in the show because, with her parents being like this, i can understand why she would hate authority or show a dislike ¨girl stuff¨. Honestly, i'm surprised that she is okay as a person, since she could turned out a lot worse.

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Regarding noncon and dubcon content..

Trigger warnings to those who feel uncomfortable with the mention of the topic even though some of the terms are censored.

Recently I've seen a lot of content regarding the noncon and dubcon content and though I do interact and like some of them.. the lacking of tags and warnings is extremely concerning. Yes I know that some people are into cnc however some of these are out of hand. I also don't promote it in my page.

I've seen a few straight up romanticizing abuse and my gosh was seeing my comfort character so out of character worse than forcing myself to finish "It Ends With Us" by Coleen Hoover.

I'm glad @shoukiko spoke up about the matter and that @puff0o0 has been helping comfort those of you have been traumatized by this kind of writing. Everyone should be aware of their internet consumption, this especially applies for writers who should also be aware of what they're putting out there and labeling accordingly.

I also saw in puff's recent post of a requester asking for comfort hcs and god do I feel bad for those people who have suffered seeing that kind of content. Soon I might write some comfort hcs of CoD characters in a relationship, LIKE A GENUINE, REALISTIC (?) ONE OF NORMAL PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Not anything that has to do with them being a r***st, ab***r, pr*d***r or any of the sort.

Because I've seen a few posts like saying that was their actual hcs of these characters especially a lot of straight up of the ch*ld p*rn, r*p* and I have never felt more disgusted, revolted, sick and shocked in my whole life seeing what they wrote and seeing how serious it was..

If you see it, DO NOT HARASS THOSE CREATORS, DON'T EVEN INTERACT IN A NEGATIVE WAY. If you wish to confront then do it the civil way, all the bullying and death threats are not necessary or welcome. You all should know better than that and should be far more mature.

This isn't directed to anybody or to any means, you do you if you want to read that content however it's uncomfortable, even disturbing for most people.

I understand that writing is an art and it's free for everyone but please for the sake of some people, do add tags, trigger warnings and just warnings in general. This also applies to those who promote that kind of content.

@wishesforyou @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @09maruchan @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @ghosts-cyphera @cutenote @connorsui @capuccino192 @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @the-second-sage @starryylies @everlastingmoonlightsworld

[aropride]

i saw a post the other day that said that gen z/gen alpha say "unalive" and "seggs" and stuff bc they're afraid of being "punished by an invisible force" and while i do think that the self-censoring sometimes unnecessary and worrying, i also don't think they're self-censoring for no reason.

i think there are a lot of situations where talking about suicide/death in general and sex outright would be punished by very real visible forces like parents and teachers and instagram community guidelines. like these kids (i say kids but i know people my age (20) do this, i feel like it's mostly younger genz and genalpha though at least in my experience) aren't just self-policing and self-censoring for no reason. some creators learned to adapt their language to unclear nebulous guidelines to try and avoid their accounts being taken down or their videos being shown to fewer people, then people started assuming any mentions of death or sex would be punished and started doing the same thing, and now younger kids have picked up on it bc they're online a lot and don't know any different.

but that's not the only part of this that matters bc while that is strange and a little dystopian. there are also offline real-life reasons kids would be scared to talk about this shit with actual words. like i was raised very christian, evangelical, not quite fundamentalist, "we don't use labels but we have stage lights for the worship songs but don't wear skirts above the knee" type of thing. my parents didn't teach me about sex until they found out i would have a sex ed class bc they had to sign a permission slip. and then they gave me a book for kids about sex that was heavily christian, abstinence-only, deeply homophobic etc. it didn't teach about birth control, about what things are not normal, any of that. and i was not raised in a way where i was even the slightest bit comfortable asking my parents or talking about it at all. my twin brother got the same book and would talk about sex or make jokes about it and our parents would get upset because it was "inappropriate" and he shouldn't be thinking about that or whatever. and if i had tried to talk about like, menstrual health or signs of abuse or even just made a joke about sex at all my parents would have been upset.

you can probably guess this from what i just said but unsurprisingly my parents weren't big on being upfront about mental health issues either. i have been depressed since before i can remember and was suicidal by the time i was eleven and i had no idea that the way i was feeling wasn't normal or that there was a word for it. i don't remember when i learned about suicide but i know my dad was at least willing to say the word in conversation when i was 12, which my mother wasn't happy about because it was "too dark" a conversation to be having (he had been telling me about a friend he had in college, specifically about how he had recovered from substance abuse issues and suicidal ideation).

and my parents were definitely not normal but there are objectively situations where parents are way worse about this type of thing. there are absolutely kids who aren't allowed to say words like suicide and death and sex. and they're not afraid of algorithms, there are real-life offline consequences if they slip up. so they self-censor, they talk quietly in the lunchroom with codewords and euphemisms with their friends. and that's not even to mention school, and how kids will get in trouble for anything an adult doesn't want them to talk about, how they can get in, again, real-life offline trouble for speaking frankly about this type of thing. because it's "inappropriate," because it's "upsetting," because their teacher is having a bad day, because god said not to, because they don't want their dm to a friend on tiktok to be flagged.

and i would much rather kids talk about these things with sometimes-insensitive code words than to not talk about them at all. if it's a choice between someone coming out as "tr4ns" to their friend and not having someone to support them at all, if it's between saying they want to "unalive" themself and never seeking help, i want them to go the sometimes-silly code word route. because i think they should be allowed to talk about these things and if they're not i think they have the right to try to do it anyway. the unnecessary self-censorship has been criticized to hell and back and i'm not saying it shouldn't be, especially when it's adults saying these things in real life situations. i'm just saying i think kids have a lot more pressure to censor themselves than people think, even offline.

[project-sekai-facts]

Your recent update made me wonder about something. I don’t know how much you know about this but wanted to try asking anyway. Hopefully this makes sense? Why would the English translation choose to censor things? I assume translations are being done in America where queer things are slowly becoming more accepted but is that a factor? Are the translators themselves changing certain things due to their own biases? I don’t know who they are and don’t want to assume anything about them, but I can’t help wondering if that’s part of the reason? Or is it because of something like, for example, sometimes movies or TV shows have certain content removed based on where it’s being aired, so is it something like that? Is the game being released in regions where queer content is banned or removed? Now that I wrote it, I feel like this is the most likely answer but what do you think? I basically just rambled in your ask my bad. Also, do you know if the Korean and/or Taiwan servers have censorship too?

oh there's more than just the Asahi thing and i have mentioned it in passing before but i'll cover it properly here. "the miles i fell in love with is so cool" -> "it was so cool! i guess that's miles for you" is definitely the biggest example though.

First off, a minor thing. it doesn't really happen anymore but in the earlier translations they quite often use words other than partner, like "pals" and "buds", in the VBS story. Probably one of the best examples of this would be An and Kohane's 3rd kizuna title, which the JP name was often fan-translated as "Making each other better" or "Raising each other up", and is called "Two supportive pals" on EN. Which does have the same meaning but the "pals" seems so unneccesary when they could've used partners. The original text is Takameau futari, the first part means "to raise" or "to lift" and futari means "two people" or "a pair/couple". So it technically is a good enough translation but using pals when partners would be more accurate to canon just seems.. off.

I’m assuming their avoidance of the word partner is because it could easily be misinterpreted as romantic, but they seem to have moved on from that at this point.

There's also THE POWER OF UNITY where they switch out "love" (daisuki) for "cares about a lot" when KAITO is comparing the relationship between Arata and Souma to Akito and Toya. Daisuki literally means "likes a lot" so often you'll see people translate it as love, though likes a lot is still valid. "Cares about" is not a direct translation but definitely can still convey the same meaning, so again instance of valid localisation it just seems like an odd choice when using love would've conveyed the exact same meaning and been more true to the original.

Then you've got another instance of them not translating daisuki correctly in Dear Me, As I Was Back Then (sorry this one is a wiki screenshot my phone died). This is worse. Like I guess if you really want then it does have a close enough meaning to the original. Like I guess daisuki meaning "like a lot" or "love" could be localised as "you're the best" if you really wanted it too. But even then, the line before this is "I'm gonna show just how much I admire her!". Minori's shout of "I LOVE YOUUU" from the original would be way more fitting here. "You're the best" feels too casual and buddy-buddy - even if Minori didn't know Haruka at this point, Haruka still had a big impact on her life and imo "I love you" would be the best to use here.

There’s also this one from Walk on and on that removes one key thing. In the original, Toya says something more along the lines of “I was able to make this track because I want to continue to be a partner who can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you from now on and always”. This is a bit more similar to the Asahi incident in that they’ve restructured the sentence to make it two, adding in the thing about performing which isn’t even there originally, and replacing “korekara saki mo zutto” with “keep singing with you”. And “keep singing with you” still works, but it’s much more toned down, let’s say. You know what really is odd about this translation though? If the quote I put seems familiar, it’s because it’s also the name of Toya’s event card. Kinda odd they omitted that from the story then, huh? The thing is the translation of the card is very accurate so removing it from the story starts to seem intentional, especially when everything around it is accurately translated like with the Asahi incident. Also doing this removes the fact that the card name references the story so what the hell are you doing EN? It's the same sentence, if you can translate it correctly on the card you can translate it correctly in the story.

There's definitely more than this, this is just what came to mind first and I don't want to make this post too long.

These were certainly... choices. Especially with the ones that avoid translating daisuki as love because they do translate as that on other occasions, most frequently with An and Kohane. I'm assuming the reason they omitted it with the guys is because it's far harder to pass off guys saying that they love each other as platonic because societal expectations or whatever, but I'm actually surprised by the change to Dear Me because normally they're pretty good with Minori and Haruka usually. Like they've translated daisuki correctly for them before and leave in everything else that indicates Minori has a crush on Haruka, so why not this line?

I'm tempted to say that they just change the things that they think are too hard to safely pass off as platonic, but then again they left all of the unsubtle ship teasing in Buddy Funny Spend Time, which has a lot of focus on Minori and Haruka's relationship (and they even added in Haruka saying that Minori makes her heart tickle in her card story), so I'm genuinely not sure why they left that in but then changed one instance of Minori saying she loves Haruka which doesn't even have to be interpreted romantically. Like what is the limit here? An can say she's going on a date (with Kohane) and the WEG regulars can ask who she's been seeing, but Asahi can say he fell in love with Tsukasa's character and it gets removed. Both of them have romantic connotation. The only thing I can think of is that An's comes from a whole card story and event, but Asahi's is one line that's easy to remove. Same with Toya saying he wants to stay with Akito forever.

In other words, it's a mess and I don't think any of what I just wrote is coherent either.

Interpret all of this however you will at the end of the day it’s all just ship tease which is up to interpretation anyway. Except the Asahi thing. That one is a censor.

Oh and the KR and TW servers don’t do this.

[butterflyscribbles]

So I haven’t talked nearly enough about Mutant Mayhem yet but I saw it for the second time a few days ago and they have consumed all my thoughts have some random headcanons I’m dying I have to talk about them more:

⚠️(Spoiler warning for MM as well)⚠️

April

- Lives with her mom and grandfather on her mother’s side. Raised by a single mom who’s a veterinarian and her grandpa, a retired tailor and clothing retail manager, moved in after her grandma passed away a few years ago.

- Listens to way too many murder mystery podcasts and thrillers are her favorite movie genre

- Practices doodling a lot in the sides of her journal or class notes. She’s inspired by courtroom sketch artists and old biology journals.

- Swears like a sailor. Even more than Raph. Tries to censor herself around them but it only gets worse the closer they become as friends

- Becomes a sort of ambassador for the turtles and other mutants in the city. Anyone who doesn’t approve of them, goes through her…

- Favorite subject is biology, outside of working on the school newspaper of course

Leo

- Big time book worm. Has read a lot of the classics like The Great Gatsby, Catcher in the Rye, etc. which gives him an advantage heading into high school. His favorite subject is literature naturally as a result.

- Autistic, practically canon but just putting it out there

- Like April, he’s got a sensitive stomach under pressure. Nausea flares up all the time, especially at the sight or smell of blood. They bond over it. Nothing brings two people together like commiserating that your tummy hurts all the time🤝

- Hopeless romantic. Had fallen head over heels for a few other girls he spotted up top even before April came along. She was just…different. He watches a lot of sappy romance movies too they make him feel all warm and fuzzy.

- Love language is words of affirmation big time. He’s always about hyping up the people he loves and will defend them through anything.

Raph

- He’s the team medic in this iteration. He’s no professional but growing up he had so many injuries from being a scrappy lil dude that he picked up on how to take care of ‘em on his own and of course shares that knowledge with his bros and April later. He’s surprisingly gentle when he needs to be.

- He’s the most prone to nightmares/night terrors. The fact that Raph was the one to go seek comfort from Splinter in the tots scene is so important to me.

- He and Donnie are the anime enthusiasts. Hasn’t seen as many as Donnie but it’s close.

- Scratching his shell gently, especially up by the shoulder blades, is like an automatic snooze button. He passes out within minutes.

- Second biggest crybaby to Mikey. It happens when he feels any emotion too strongly whether it’s happiness, anger, sadness, etc. and he hates it. Makes him feel weak, which is why there usually is a lot of punching involved too.

Donnie

- Can’t swim and is the only one who actively dislikes getting into the water.

- He and Leo have been studying how to speak and write Japanese together for years. Don has picked up a lot from all the anime he watches.

- Is the most emotionally open version of Donnie to date. He’s always telling his family how much he loves them without restraint and is the first to ask what’s wrong if he picks up on someone acting weird or trying to hide something.

- To compliment the above hc, he’s insanely observational, like Sherlock level. They don’t know how he’s able to do it but his attention to detail and his ability to take that and create plans and get a read on people is baffling. If Donnie doesn’t get a good vibe off someone, believe him and run the other way. (Makes him really good at those spot the different puzzles too lol.)

- Loves to dance just like his previous incarnation before him:’) Bootyyyshaker9001

Mikey

- Is actually afraid of cats…growing up with Splinter, who would freak out at the sight of them, only taught him to freak out along with him. They are sharp and unpredictable.

- Other than that however he’s an animal lover. Had a few pet fish through the years that he saved after being flushed.

- Practically canon but the most physically affectionate by leagues. Constantly seeking a brother, adopted mutant family member, or an April to cling to.

- Super into musicals and is a actually a decent singer

- Can take a punch like nothing you’ve ever seen and can still be standing….but gets sick constantly his immune system is wack

[paintingpuff]

Netflix ATLA and the Air Nomad Genocide

I've started watching NATLA, and though I'm not really enjoying it, I've found it really interesting to compare its writing decisions to the show as a way to break both down and see how their parts tick. Since NATLA is trying to be more faithful than some other adaptations, the changes it does make stand out more and reveal the mechanics of the storytelling.

While I overall think a lot of NATLA's changes--even the minute ones--made the story execution weaker, the more complicated and interesting change of theirs is the intro, showing the day the Fire Nation ambushed the Air Nomads.

Pacing Criticisms

Cards on the table, I think that putting this sequence at the very beginning was a mistake. Watching Aang's emergence from the iceberg in NATLA made me realize how much the original cartoon imbues its beginning with mystery that makes for a much more active viewing experience. Aang doesn't know much about the present, Katara and Sokka don't know much about Aang's origins, and in their back and forth of information, we the audience organically learn both. Watching Katara and Aang piece together how long he's been frozen in ice was more satisfying and natural than Grangran deducing everything immediately when Aang showed up.

But Sherlock Grangran was kind of the only decision the writers could do, because if they tried the build up the cartoon did, it would just feel tedious to the audience, because we already know everything from the start. They kind of wrote themselves into a corner there.

But let's ignore that problem. We could imagine in another draft that this sequence of the Fire Nation attack shows up as a flashback, kind of like what happened in ATLA with The Storm.

That then begs the question: How does this sequence’s inclusion change the audience's experience, and is it for better or worse?

Facing Vs. Hiding the Horrors

Both series portray very dark and horrific situations, but the way they try to evoke horror from the audience are very different approaches, and for me raises a question I've been asking myself for a while: When wanting to display discomforting violence, is it more effective to imply/hide it, or to show it in detail? Somewhere in between?

(I specify discomforting violence, as opposed to violence meant to be catharsis or spectacle.)

There are arguments for both. Explicit violence can create a visceral, physical reaction to an audience member (especially the squeamish ones), though for some it can come across as gratuitous and even exploitative.

Whereas hiding the violence can horrify the audience by leaving a lot to the imagination (insert that quote about fear of the unknown from Hack Penmanship Lovecraft), or give the sense that the events are so awful that even the camera has to look away. Some also say this gives the characters more dignity, though others think this softens the emotional reaction almost as a form of self censoring (there's a reason kid's media often tries to show horrific stuff off screen, such as the original ATLA).

Ultimately I've come to the conclusion that the former approach works for some stories, whereas the latter works better for others, all of it based on a ton of factors.

So I don't think NATLA's choice to delve into more detail about the Air Nomad genocide is an illogical decision. I wasn't sure about it when I heard it, but I thought that maybe I'm just attached to ATLA's off screen approach, so I kept myself open.

And dialogue issues aside, I don't think the scene is that poorly done. But it did ultimately solidify for me that ATLA's narrative is stronger without an explicit depiction of the Air Nomad genocide.

The Grief of Never Knowing

The image of Gyatso’s skeleton from ATLA has haunted me ever since I saw it as a kid. It was an emotional gut punch in a very well done episode, but this particular screenshot has stuck with me, and that is because of the Fire Nation soldiers. A lot of people have pointed this out, but there are a lot of bodies here, and it implies that Gyatso managed to not only kill these soldiers, but do it when they were strengthened by the comet. That image is very discomforting--Gyatso is always seen from Aang’s perspective, and thus we only see him as the gentle old mentor and friend, one who cheats at games and throws pies he meticulously baked.

It also puts into Aang’s position and the grief he has to face. From his perspective, he was gone only a few days as 100 years passed. He never gets to see the interim, and thus neither do the audience. He is left with the same implications as we are, and has to face the realities of grieving the fact that sometimes you’re not there when they leave.

An excellent point from @endless-nightshift here is how one of ATLA’s core themes is coping with the aftermaths of atrocities and war, analyzing their long-lasting affects rather than just the initial shock of violence--something I had never consciously realized but once said out loud makes a lot click into place for me. There is a reason the show starts a full century into the war rather than just a few years. 

François Truffaut once said that “there is no such thing as an anti-war film,” because the medium of film is inherently better at elevating and glorifying what it shows rather than deriding or deconstructing it. While I don’t think it’s impossible to do the latter, the extended action sequence that is the intro to NATLA causes that sentiment to echo in my mind as I watch, rather than invest me into the story. 

The implied atrocities of ATLA draws me in to empathize with the wounded characters and world, whereas the explicit action of NATLA pushes me away. 

…and that’s where I was planning to end this analysis, but there is one thing NATLA’s intro adds into the canon that I think is actually genius--if they take advantage of it in the future. 

The Air Nomads are Joy

When I first saw the addition of the Comet Festival, I saw it as a purely mechanical decision to have all the Air Nomads in one place for the attack, as well as to make the act even more scummy. However, the more I thought about it the more I realized how it could tie into one of my favorite themes of ATLA: the Air Nomads (and especially Aang) as the joy and hope of the world. 

(I saw an old tumblr post about this theme that inspired this section. I wish I could link it but I can’t find it anymore, I’m very sorry and if anyone can help me find it tysm)

There is a recurring motif of associating the Air Nomads with humor and fun. Iroh mentions their good humor; Gyatso baking pies just to prank the other masters with it; Roku’s first airbending flashback being him using it to mess with his friend. This is a core tenet to Aang’s character as well. The first line he has in the show is inviting Katara to go penguin sledding with him. Half the stops he makes in Season 1 is purely to have fun. He excites Kyoshi island with an airbending party trick. The humor in ATLA’s tone isn’t just there because it’s targeted towards kids, but is the bedrock of the series’ themes. 

(On a personal note, the humor is also what got me and my family into the show. We saw the intro sequence with Aang crashing into the statue and it made my mom laugh so hard that we watched the whole series, and years later we’ve rewatched it dozens of times and own all the DVDs)

Joy and fun and hope were the first things to die when the Fire Nation attacked, and part of Aang’s job is returning that to a world that has been scarred by decades of war. You may already be seeing where I’m going in regards to the Comet Festival. 

A core conflict in the cartoon finale is Aang wanting to keep to the principles of the Air Nomads while still finding a way to stop the war (side note: I think the resolution and Aang’s decision to spare Ozai was a good one, I just think the execution was a little janky). Beyond the surface level conflict of who wins in the battle between Aang and Ozai, there is the additional tension of who will win ideologically. The return of the Avatar State is an interesting development in this dynamic, having Aang suddenly physically winning the fight, but spiritually losing up until the last moment. In the end, it is a triumph where Aang manages to find a third option to win both conflicts, despite them seeming diametrically opposed. It is about defeating Ozai and the Imperial Fire Nation by wholeheartedly rejecting their ideology of violence and might-makes-right. 

But now I see a really cool opportunity for NATLA with what they’ve established in the intro sequence: What if Aang reclaimed the symbol of Sozin’s Comet for his people? That day of the Fire Nation attack, centuries of the Comet Festival were wiped over in history, with people now naming that event as Sozin’s Comet and the beginning of the war. Wouldn’t it be poetic for Aang to mark the ending of the war by wiping away that stain done to his culture, taking it back from the Fire Nation in what ways he can? To turn a tool for genocide into an event of joy and fun once more. 

I’m reminded of moments from the cartoon like Suki commenting how beautiful the comet looks. It would just tie everything up beautifully, and I really really hope the NATLA writers--if Netflix does give them enough seasons to get there--take advantage of this.  

So, to sum up what I think of NATLA so far: I think a lot of its changes have made the story weaker, but I don’t want them to stop trying changes. If I wanted a 1:1 copy of the cartoon, I’d just watch ATLA--it’s also on Netflix, after all. With more work, I can see the writers making changes that accentuate and build on the beauty of the original. 

(Note: These are the thoughts I’ve accrued from just watching the first episode. I plan to watch more, but it does exhaust me at the moment. Still, I hope I can do more of these kinds of analyses, it’s a really fun writing exercise for me)