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steddiealltheway · 2 years ago

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Part Three of The Danger of Romanticizing. Part One. Part Two. Ao3 Link.

Over the next few days, Steve asks Robin to tell Eddie he says hi, adding it to his morning routine. And every day without fail, he gets a responding hi back. Sometimes, he even gets a question about what the polo of the day is. Robin starts shoving Steve sticky notes to write down whatever he wants to say which she hands off to Chrissy.

He finds himself looking forward to the notes whenever he gets home, fingers tracing over Eddie’s slightly sloppy handwriting before sticking them to his wall.

On Thursday, Steve comes home to find Chrissy sitting on the couch with Robin, fingers intertwined as they appear to do their separate class readings. “Hey,” Steve says, hoping that they’re not too deep into the studying zone.

Chrissy gives him a bright smile and says, “Hi, Steve.”

Steve can’t help but glance around, trying to find some trace of Eddie in the place. For some reason, he thinks that he would know if he was there.

“He’s out with his... friend,” Chrissy explains, giving Steve an apologetic smile.

Steve nods. “Right, the sort of boyfriend.”

“I wouldn’t call him that,” Chrissy says with a slight frown. She shakes her head and turns back to her work.

Robin stares at her girlfriend for a moment before asking, “How come you never talk about him?”

Chrissy glances at her and her expression immediately softens. Steve feels like he finally understood the phrase “heart eyes” when he first saw the way Chrissy and Robin look at each other.

“I haven’t met him yet. But Eddie doesn’t have the best track record with guys. I mean, he deserves the world, but he doesn’t understand why. I used to make him recite these affirmations to try to make him understand his worth, but he’s Eddie, you know? A lot of those deep emotions he deflects with jokes.” Chrissy sighs and holds up a packet of paper. “Sorry, I’m currently learning about coping mechanisms.”

“No apologizing, remember? You’re allowed to talk about the things you’re passionate about,” Robin gently reminds her.

Chrissy leans over and plants a soft kiss on her cheek. “Thank you,” she says softly.

Steve turns away as he watches Robin blush and duck her head. He resists the urge to make a comment that will ruin their moment and instead goes to the pantry and pulls out a box of pasta. He silently starts on dinner contemplating if he can pry about this mystery man in Eddie’s life through the sticky notes.

“Oh, Steve!” Chrissy says over her shoulder.

“Yes?”

“Eddie said that he’s sad to miss you and he hopes he can see you again soon.”

Steve smiles. “Tell him I hope I can see him soon.”

“Will do,” Chrissy replies with a bright smile.

And god, Steve really hopes he can.

-:-:-:-:-:-

The next morning is rough.

Steve sleeps through his alarm and in the process of rushing out the door he forgets to write Eddie a note and spills a cup of coffee on himself on the drive to work.

He walks in pressing napkins against his shirt, trying to soak up some of the liquid. Of course, this is the day he decides to wear a light pink polo.

“Nice look, Harrington,” Collin says loudly, causing everyone else to look up from their desk at him.

He already gets enough shit for being the boss’s son, so he’s sure that today will be worse than usual.

And it is.

It’s like everyone teams up on him to make jokes pretending to trip while holding coffee mugs in their hands. It gets old pretty fast, especially when his co-worker Aidan actually ends up pouring more coffee on him while he’s talking to a customer. And while he’s cleaning up again, Collin is able to swoop in and swindle his customer.

It’s all bullshit.

When the workday ends, he tries to grab his stuff and stalk off to his car quickly, but Collin manages to get in a quick, “Better luck next time, champ.”

Steve ignores him but he can’t help but feel like the final straw was broken for him.

He gets stuck in traffic and wants more than anything to just get home, shower, change, and put on a shitty movie. When he finally gets to his apartment, he manages to drop the keys while unlocking the door twice before pushing it open only to find Robin standing on the other side.

“How was work?” she asks overly bubbly.

“How do you think it was?” Steve asks gesturing to his shirt.

Robin cringes and teases, “Clumsy day?”

“Not now, Robin,” Steve sighs, trying to take his shoes off quickly. He finally gets them undone and finds that he’s wearing one navy and one black sock.

Robin points down to them and laughs.

“Seriously, Robin, I’m not in the mood,” he says and crosses his arms.

Robin grabs onto his arms with a bright smile and says, “But I have a surprise for you.”

Steve sighs and ducks his head, trying to make his way past her.

“Hold on!” Robin says, blocking his way. “God, you reek of coffee.”

For some reason, the comment really gets to Steve, and he snaps, “Can you just fucking give me some space?” He storms past her and rounds the corner to his room only to find that they’re not alone.

He looks up and takes in Chrissy and Eddie standing in the living room looking extremely uncomfortable.

“I...” Steve starts then turns around mumbling, “Fuck,” under his breath as he practically runs out the front door, grabbing his shoes on the way out. He jogs toward his car and pulls on the handle, realizing it’s locked. He digs into his pocket and mumbles, “No.” He checks his other pocket and comes up with nothing.

Of course, he left them on the hook by the front door.

He quickly puts on his shoes, wincing when he feels a rock in his right shoe. He sighs and digs the heels of his hands into his eyes. He knows he shouldn’t run. He always runs.

He hears footsteps thudding on the sidewalk behind him. “Hey,” a voice softly says.

Steve squeezes his eyes shut a little harder before running his hands over his face and slowly turning around. “Hey,” he mumbles, making fleeting eye contact with Eddie before staring at the pavement.

“Going somewhere?”

Steve crosses his arms and leans back against the hood of his car. “I was, but I left my keys inside.”

Eddie digs into his pocket and pulls out a set of keys, dangling them in front of him. “I have mine. Come on,” he says, already stepping back on the sidewalk and walking away from Steve.

Steve pauses but follows him around the corner of the building where he’s parked. He wonders if he purposefully parked there in order to surprise him. God, it just makes him feel worse.

He climbs into the passenger seat and stares ahead.

“Where to?” Eddie asks.

Steve sighs, “Whatever store carries pints of coffee chocolate chip ice cream.”

Eddie starts his van and asks, “Your favorite?”

“Robin’s favorite.”

“Ah,” Eddie says as he backs out of the side parking lot. “I have an extra shirt in the back if you want to change.”

Steve almost passes it up, but he doesn’t think he can stand the smell of coffee any longer. He twists in his seat and glances at the back, finding a random shirt thrown on the seat along with a lot of random shit that Steve wants to ask about. Instead, he tugs his polo off and quickly shrugs on Eddie’s shirt.

In any other situation, he would’ve been ecstatic about the softness of the shirt and embarrassingly tried to smell the collar or something to commit the scent to memory. But the heaviness of how he treated Robin weighs too heavily on his mind.

They sit in silence for a few moments, and Steve grows increasingly sorrowful.

“Want to talk about it?” Eddie asks.

Steve glances at him, noticing the lack of judgment in his expression which puts him at ease. “I just had a really bad day at work, and I was an asshole and took it out on Robin.”

“Chrissy always tells me that we take out our stress on the ones we love the most.”

“There’s definitely a reason she’s a psychology major.”

Eddie snorts and shrugs, eyes not leaving the road as he talks. “She’s going to be an amazing therapist. But what I meant by that is that I’ve had my fair share of frustrating exchanges with Chrissy as well.”

Steve sighs and leans back in his seat. “Yeah, but usually I save the part where I reveal that I’m an asshole at least a few months after meeting someone.”

“Romanticizing yourself,” Eddie says with a small smile. He approaches a red light and turns to Steve to state, “You’re not an asshole. You’re just human.”

“A little too human,” Steve argues.

“The best people are.”

“Sounds like you’re romanticizing me,” Steve says, trying to brush off the sincerity of what Eddie said.

Eddie rolls his eyes and turns back to the now green light.

They sit in comfortable silence as they make their way to the parking lot of a grocery store.

With the words still weighing heavy on his mind, Steve finally says, “Thank you.”

Eddie pulls into a parking space and replies, “No need for all that.” He gets out of the car before Steve can argue with him.

As they make their way inside, Steve changes the subject, “Ever since you brought up how empty my room is, I can’t stop noticing it.”

Eddie winces. “Sorry, I have a tendency to chronically put my foot in my mouth.”

Steve shakes his head. “No, I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I just suddenly want to do something about it.”

Eddie suddenly stops in the middle of the store, causing the person behind them to nearly hit him with their cart. Eddie turns and says, “Sorry,” before placing a gentle hand on Steve’s back and guiding him away from the frozen aisle they were walking toward.

“Where-”

Eddie puts his finger to his lips and says, “No questions.”

Steve’s eyebrows furrow but he keeps his lips shut as Eddie guides him to some random place in the store. He lets the warmth of Eddie's fingertips through the thin layer of the shirt distract him for a few moments until he notices that they’ve stopped.

Steve glances around and asks, “Clocks?”

Eddie sighs and tugs him past the section to the picture frames. “Stay here and pick a few you like. I’ll be right back.”

Steve can’t even give him a confused look before he takes off. He turns back to the frames, scanning them before he grabs a white frame with a gold stripe that he thinks looks nice. For some reason he also finds a small silver circular frame that he thinks is kind of cute and funny, so he grabs it. He holds the two side by side and smiles. They look horrible together, but he likes them.

Eddie suddenly appears at his side, winded as if he just ran across the store. He holds up a small disposable camera and smiles proudly. “And this should be good for now. Time for ice cream.” He turns and heads toward the frozen aisle before stopping in place suddenly again.

Steve runs right into him and stumbles back. “Do you do this often?”

“Absolutely,” Eddie answers. He glances down at the frames and says, “I just realized I didn’t look at what you chose. The small one is funny.”

“Right?” Steve says, relieved that he understands.

Eddie looks him in the eye and his smile grows. “Good choices.”

Steve finds himself flushing a bit red after the direct affirmation from Eddie. Luckily, Eddie doesn’t notice as he leads the way to the ice cream.

It takes a few moments to find the ice cream, but Eddie suddenly excitedly says, “Yes!” and grabs a pint out of the freezer. Steve can’t help but think that he might be his good luck charm.

They check out quickly. Eddie asks Steve to grab him a candy bar, taking the moment of distraction to hand the cashier money, paying for everything. When Steve realizes, he tries to protest but Eddie shuts him down saying, “I’m the one who told you to get those things. It would be a dick move to make you pay for them too.”

“I could’ve at least covered the ice cream.”

“And risked it melting while we wasted time with a second checkout?” Eddie asks, acting flabbergasted at the idea.

Steve just laughs and at least takes the bags from him.

“My hero,” Eddie jokes, fluttering his eyelashes. As they get to the car he asks, “By the way, what candy bar did you get? I forgot to check.”

“A Three Musketeer. I hope that’s okay.”

Eddie smiles and hits the center console excitedly. “That was the inspiration behind naming Dart! You know? D'Artagnan.”

Steve shakes his head coming up with nothing. Eddie digs into the bags and grabs the candy, pointing it out to Steve.

“Oh. Dustin’s going to be so excited to hear that. Three Musketeers are his favorite.”

“You really love that kid,” Eddie comments with a smile as he starts the car.

“He can be an annoying little shit sometimes, but I love him like a brother.”

Eddie laughs. “I’m excited to meet him.”

“Me too,” Steve replies and suddenly remembers what Dustin told him. “Hey, I didn’t know you also illustrated the book. I don’t know how I skimmed over that, but that’s incredible.”

A light blush covers Eddie’s cheeks. “It’s alright. I used to design stuff for Hellfire in high school, but I’m absolutely shit at faces. That’s why you never see The Boy’s face.”

“I somehow never noticed that. But I think it’s a good choice. It lets the reader kind of imagine themself in the role, you know?”

Eddie pauses for a moment before asking, “Yeah? You can relate?”

Steve shrugs and leans back. “I can relate to the found family, and I mean...” Steve trails off and looks down at his hands. “Sometimes I feel like an outcast. And yeah, that sounds ridiculous since I was a pretty popular jock in high school. But I had this kind of reality check and suddenly I didn’t see the appeal of being ‘King Steve.’ I spent the last semester of my senior year sitting next to my ex and her new boyfriend during lunch. It was a miracle that I put in my resume at this ice cream shop because that’s how I met Robin. But even at work now, I just don’t fit in.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know.”

“Maybe we’re the same,” Eddie cheesily quotes the title of his book. Before Steve can ask what he means, Eddie presses on. “I have one question.”

“Mhm?”

“Did they really call you King Steve?”

Steve groans, “Yes. God, I hate that nickname.”

Eddie laughs. “Alright, I promise not to call you that.”

“Thank you.”

“Your Highness.”

Steve sighs but he fails to hide the slight humor in his expression.

“Okay, I promise to never bring it up... After this car ride, my lord,” Eddie says with a wicked smile.

Steve buries his face in his hands for the rest of the ride home, trying not to laugh too hard at the ridiculous nicknames Eddie pulls out of his ass. But as they get closer to his apartment, his happiness dies down as he faces the reality of what he’s returning to.

Eddie quiets down during the last minute, sensing the shift in emotions from Steve. He parks outside and quietly asks, “Are you ready?”

“No,” Steve says, unbuckling his seatbelt and grabbing his bags before getting out of the car.

He slowly steps up to the front door but pauses to turn around to Eddie. “Thank you for all of this. Really.”

Eddie just puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs. “I had a good time. I hope your day has gotten a little better.”

“It has,” Steve admits with no hesitation. “As long as I can apologize to Robin after this and hope she forgives me.”

“Something tells me that she will.”

Steve glances up at Eddie, wondering if he can express how much that fills him with relief. He steps forward, intent on wrapping his arms around the man and holding him for as long as he’ll let him.

The door swings open before Steve’s arms can come up.

“Hey, I thought I heard the van doors shut,” Chrissy says with a small smile.

“How is she?” Steve asks immediately.

Chrissy puts a hand on his arm. “She’s alright. I think she’ll be happy to talk to you.” She squeezes him before turning to Eddie and asking, “You ready to go?”

Eddie’s eyes flicker to Steve before settling on Chrissy. He gives her a conflicted look, but Chrissy raises her eyebrows at him causing Eddie to sigh and turn to Steve saying, “Maybe I’ll see you soon? We’ll plan it this time.”

Steve feels his face suddenly get very warm with embarrassment. “That would be great.”

Eddie nods at him and turns away to make his way back to the van. Steve waves goodbye to the pair before going inside. He drops the bag with the frames and camera on their table in the small dining area before grabbing two spoons and the bag with the ice cream.

He purposefully makes his footsteps a little heavier as he makes his way to Robin’s room to prepare her for his presence. He lightly knocks on the door and waits.

“It’s open,” she says.

Steve slowly pushes the door open and finds Robin lying in her bed staring at the ceiling. “Hey.”

Robin turns and gives him a small smile. “Hey.”

“I brought the goods,” Steve jokes as he walks toward her bed.

Robin sits up and makes grabby hands at him, taking the pint and a spoon as soon as she can. Steve can’t help but think that’s a good sign, but he’s not going to pretend everything is normal. “I’m sorry I was an asshole to you. I shouldn’t have taken out my bad day on you.”

Robin glances at him with a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. She takes a moment to eat before she sighs, “It wasn’t just you though. I shouldn’t have been so pushy and glossed over your bad day. And I definitely shouldn’t have surprised you like that.”

“Are you kidding? Any other day, I would’ve been ecstatic.”

“Just not today,” Robin says, staring down at the ice cream before taking another spoonful. She glances over at him and asks, “Want to talk about your day?”

Steve shakes his head. “Just Collin being an asshole and the other guys joining in.”

“Charles and Ryan?”

“Aidan this time.”

Robin sighs, “I wish I could go in there and give them a piece of my mind.”

“I think I deserved it today.”

Robin raises an eyebrow at him. “No matter how much of a dick you can be, I’m not leaving you, dingus. And you definitely don’t deserve that shit.”

Steve shrugs and takes a stab at the ice cream. “Eddie made things better.”

“Yeah?”

Steve nods and avoids eye contact as the coffee flavor melts in his mouth.

“Speak of Eddie, is he the reason you’re wearing a Metallica shirt?”

Steve glances down at the shirt and smiles. He had forgotten he was wearing it. “Yeah. He had an extra shirt in the back and let me change out of the coffee-stained one. I think I left that polo in his van though.” He shrugs and gets another spoonful of ice cream. “He’s really great.”

There’s a longer pause before Robin rests her hand on Steve’s and asks, “Steve, do you... like him?”

Steve’s eyes snap up to Robin quickly, swallowing a mouthful of cold ice cream in the process. His heart beats a little faster, and he hopes Robin can’t feel his pulse. “No, it’s not like that. Besides, I barely know him.”

“Yeah, but you’ve liked people with a lot less information about them.”

Steve sighs and puts his spoon down to lay his other hand on top of Robin’s and look her in the eye. “Even if I do like him, he has a sort of boyfriend. Plus, I’m not going to do anything reckless that will risk the happiness of your and Chrissy’s relationship, okay?”

Robin stares at him for a few seconds too long before she nods. “Okay. But... you can talk to me if those feelings ever change.”

“And they won’t,” Steve reassures her.

Robin looks conflicted before she gives him a small smile and goes back to the ice cream.

Steve is able to easily change the subject and things finally feel normal again once they’re both laughing so hard they have to wipe at the tears running down their faces.

But when Steve lays in bed that night, his thoughts drift to Eddie. He can’t fall for him. Really, he can’t. He can’t do that to Chrissy and Robin.

So, for once, he tries to turn off all the thoughts romanticizing the man. But he doesn’t know how to humanize the man when he’s been nothing but... perfect.

He’s so screwed.

Part Four

Hi Tag List <3:

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#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #steddie fanfic #robin buckley #chrissy cunningham #the danger in romanticizing fic

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tubbytarchia · 1 year ago

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Jimmy wing and wing clipping headcanons because I don't think I've ever written it down on here but. You guys ought to know by now how insane I am about his canary wings as symbolism so here goes yippee

Sometimes I like to imagine Evo Jimmy with little chick wings, all white and fuzzy and stuff because that's adorable. But moreso I stick with the idea that his wings very suddenly sprouted in Third Life (the canary curse did start with traffic) which alarmed both him and Scott. Jimmy would have been somewhat excited but mostly nervous. Scott wouldn't have shown too much care until he realized how fast the wings kept growing, serving as an unpredictability. And Scott doesn't like unpredictability. He needs to be able to pave his path the way he sees fit to fulfill the tragic love story he seeks. And so he starts to clip them, to halt their growth and keep them from becoming encumbering, and it doesn't take much for Jimmy to just let him because it's for his own wellbeing - what Scott claims anyway

Without Scott in LL, he keeps clipping them on his own, but it's hard and he never quite gets used to it. He very much accidentally cuts into blood feathers too

By DL, his wings are pretty neglected and he ultimately asks Tango to clip them for him, however hesitant he is to let Tango in on it or to request such a task. Tango is horribly nervous of messing up but he's willing to do it for Jimmy's sake. Every step of the way he'd ask for assurance that he's doing this right and I'd like to imagine that it's in that process that Jimmy's forced to grapple with the fact that maybe he doesn't like his wings clipped. They stop before he can break down too much and neglect to bring it up again much - Jimmy doesn't, and Tango wants to respect that. So he just walks around with one partially clipped wing for awhile, new feathers eventually growing back and his wings start to get decently bigger again for awhile

Some people like to imagine that the avians have their wings bound etc for fairness in the games. I like to imagine that their wings get magically clipped for the duration of each game - Grian's do, but Jimmy's never do, because he wouldn't be able to take flight anyway. Grian doesn't realize though, and is often too preoccupied, but when he and Jimmy team up in LimL and he learns that Jimmy would clip them voluntarily, he's appalled. This further encourages Jimmy to ditch clipping and Grian, the proud Avian he is, can't help but dump a bunch of wing care advice on him. Jimmy decides to try and follow it, and maybe eventually even be able to fly. But he'd fall to his death by the end of it anyway

This puts a damper on his confidence, but nonetheless he keeps trying in SL. He practises for hours on end at the Big Dogs' diving pool, but he ends up pushing himself so hard that, though no longer clipped, his wings get neglected again and his feathers poke every which way from the prolonged and frustration induced practise. He might let Martyn try and preen them but Martyn wouldn't be much good at it

Welp that's it for traffic though, for now... Jimmy's wings as a represntation of his mental wellbeing whoag!!! The way he's happier in DL with Tango - lets his wings grow for the first time. And how much Scott tries to get at them - reinforced by seeing Jimmy cease to clip his wings. How Jimmy remains in a good space with LimL but gradually gets both a little more hostile and anguished with SL (eg taking enjoyment out of hitting Scott around, trying to push Martyn into lava and then running away from home thinking he can never go back now. Contrast to LimL for example where he and Joel voiced a similar sentiment together in relation to Grian when they failed to get a kill with their Enderpearl tactic, but there, he had Joel by his side). How he's gradually dismissive of Scott's approaches in LimL, very straightforwardly so in RL (as debatably canon as that is to me) and other non-traffic instances - he no longer clips his wings. But he's wings still aren't in great shape because he's not yet content with himself

I'm a firm believer that things need to get worse before they get better but. Eventually... Eventually his wings will be well cared for again and he'll stop pushing them and himself and it'll be reflective of Jimmy's growth... dreamy sigh... one day

I also like to imagine that his wings involuntarily curl around himself when he doesn't want to be perceived etc. Like um like when he had to dance in a maid outfit in SOS. cough. The trauma. I drew it once before too but eugh he'd apologize too, for his wings doing that. Because he's prone to apologizing when he's the one being hit around or having disservice done to him. He's started hitting people back a bit though... I hope he keeps doing it. Please Jimmy please start murdering people

Also I ultimately don't take the canary wings as an actual sign of the canary curse. That's just psychological horror he and others around him subject him to in my head lol. His wings resemble his unworthiness - why he's at the bottom of this cultural food chain. Not only are they useless, flightless, but also have that canary curse label put on them, keeping him reminded of his tendency to die first any time of day. When really, those wings are no burden even if he never gets to fly... Still, they'd be his... Still, they'd frame his figure like a sun following him everywhere he goes. The moment he can accept and love them despite this is the moment he accepts and loves himself, too

Im tired eepy. If there's typos or anything, oops. Love Jimmy always. Pray for my son

#idk why I randomly wanted to write this down but wooo I love Jimmy's wings #woozy and sleepy aghhh with my Doc and Jimmy ideas too... Doc would know that avians take a lot of pride in their wings and get concerned #he knows people like Grian despise clipping so he'd be so gentle to inquire about it... learn wing care just for Jimmy's sake #sorry insanity taking over #blabber #Jimmisery

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daily-ghostly-goobs · 4 months ago

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Have you learned how to draw quickly from this channel? Did you learn any cool art tips?

Pallette 🎨

DAY 410 - PALLETTE (Click for better quality)

Surprisingly, I think doing this for over a year has made my time for finishing pieces longer, rather than shorter. I’m pretty good with time management, meaning I usually have alot of time to spare for drawing Goobs. And back then I certainly wasn’t as experienced, meaning most things only took 20-45 minutes to draw, because of the simplicity.

The average Goob, now, takes me about 2 hours- sometimes more. The shortest time for one was about 20 minutes (I forget the number but it was titled URGENCY, it took so little time because I realized around midnight, while finishing something else, that I hadn’t Goob-ed that day yet. So I just took a photo of a sheet of doodles I’d done on a napkin (that I still had with me) around 8 hours prior). My longest time was probably about 5 days for one Goob (while drawing others for those 5 days, of course), it was THE GARDEN OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS.

I very much focus on being a self taught artist, meaning I don’t necessarily look for ‘tips & tricks’ for certain areas of art and drawing in general. It’s mostly just been freelance. Advice that I suppose could be a ‘tip’ I have: just do whatever! A majority of development that I’ve had has been from just changing my mind about something. Using a different brush out of the blue, trying a preset pallette instead of making stuff up, trying perspective or anatomy just because I feel like it.

From what I can tell, alot of artists try to schedule their work, treat it like a job more than anything. Countless studies, practices, lessons, discussions. And if that works for you, and is comfortable, then go for it! But a majority of the ones I see doing this are doing it because they believe that’s what’s going to help them improve.

It’ll certainly do one thing; burn you out! Just going with the flow, having fun, and enjoying the process is probably the best context you can have to improve. You shouldn’t try to force yourself into a situation you’re not comfortable with!

Consistency is also probably a key factor for improvement, but I think that’s kind of an extra variable that determines how fast you improve, not if you do or don’t in the first place. So yeah, just have fun with art, and it’ll be pretty cool! :D

#dailyghostlygoob #danny phantom #blood tw #I mean it’s supposed to be red teeth and not blood but. just in case :)

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arcandoria · 9 months ago

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Virtual Photography Process

I got an ask that I posted by accident before being ready, so I'm going to make this a post I suppose fmdlksg Anon was asking about my Reshade Preset for Cyberpunk and what my VP process is, so here it is!

Anon, I don't quite have a VP process. Not in a trademark way anyway. My VP varies wildly across the years and generally speaking I just go with the vibe I feel at the moment!

I've had phases where I would barely do any post-processing at all and only rely on heavy Reshade, I had phases where I'd do some minor color tweaking and add a lot of effects like dust and sparks, and my current one where I do pretty much all my color tweaking in post-process and only really use light Reshade to sharpen the image and make colors pop a bit.

My current Reshade is a tweaked version of a friend's preset. I have an average rig, don't have any Fancytracing, so Reshade is mostly there to sharpen the image, deepen the colors and try to compensate for my GPU's limitations. I forgot to use Otis DOF for this example, but nowadays I don't use any Reshade DOF, and rely only on Otis'. I also only use Otis lights because I can control what each light does a little better than AMM lights, but I used AMM lights a lot when I first was VPing.

It's when the game's closed that I have my fun with colors!

I do my coloring on RawTherapee, which is a free Lightroom. Mostly I make use of the Film Simulation, sometimes layering multiple, sometimes using only one.

I then move to Photoshop which is my last stop and my "correction" phase. I have a huge library of actions and gradient maps I paw around for any last coloring (specially making shadows more matte and less defined), tweak contrast/brightness, and add some blurring and noise (beloved).

I probably have actions/gradient posts reblogged on my repository blog (@halkuonn), I can't point you to a single place because I've been dragging these around for over a decade and across at least 3 computers...

Honestly, don't get too attached to a single workflow with your VP. VP is art and art is meant to be a creative outlet, if you start putting too many rules and step by steps on your personal workflow, you'll probably get frustrated fast.

My current workflow is way lengthier than how I took some of my older VP, but that's because I feel like doing it. I don't necessarily feel like it's better or worse, it's just a different way I've been doing stuff and having fun with VP.

This is from 2022 - I wasn't using Otis Freecam, relied on AMM Lights, and did some mild/low post-processing - things like making the shadows a little bit more purple with Color Balance, and adding A LOT of blur manually because I didn't know how to use any of the DOF shaders. I was using Pinky's Preset back then.

This is from 2023 - the fuck it we ball era. This has like... 0 post-processing. I wasn't using Otis DOF (I don't think it existed yet), but I was already using Otis Lights learned to use the DOF shaders. The only thing I was doing for post-processing is add Noise and slap my signature (which this one doesn't even have lmao). I already had a new Reshade preset from my friend, but didn't really tweak any of it.

From this year! I still wasn't using RawTherapee a lot, but it was the start of my "I'm going to do everything in post-processing" era, with shadows not as dark/contrasted and everything a bit hazy.

So yeah! Don't stress about having a single workflow, or the best workflow, or even the most appropriate Reshade. For me the less I try to be biblical about my VP process, the more I enjoy taking it, and in turn the more satisfied I am with the results.

If you want more of a tutorial, I can try?? doing one?? but really the only thing I have been consistently doing with my VP all these years is slapping some extra blur and adding Noise on PS.

Hope this helps or at least provides some software recommendations / process ideas though!

#cyberpunk 2077 #virtual photography #halk.png

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sabianandocs · 3 months ago

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Hey broski, how do you draw so fast?? You make extremely technically impressive works like, every two days. I have multi-month-old sketches! How do you do it?

Anyhoodle, toodaloo and please have a truly wonderful day/evening! ^ ^

Ah, well you see my friend-

I am. Going insane.

No but for real I'm just extremely lucky to have the skillset that allows me to spit out art pretty quick! Part of it is definitely fueled by the hyperfixation; when something gets ahold of my brain and I have ideas for it I just kinda have to make them. I can't do anything else until I get them down on paper or digital canvas. So, some of my artworks do take 6+ hours to throw together, I just happen to have done it all in one sitting like a maniac.

The other part of it is that! Art is fun to me! I don't stress out about every single detail being good, which makes it a lot easier to make stuff kind of quickly. I've also been doing this a long long time, so I've learned a lot of things that make the process faster for me (example; rather than coloring inside my lineart by hand, I fill in any gaps and then use the 'magic wand' tool to select the outside of the lineart- the negative space, that I don't want colored- and then invert it and use a huge brush to color the whole thing in in one go. Then I just set that layer to 'alpha lock' so it's literally impossible to color outside the lines. Saves a lot of time! I still have to be careful keeping colors inside the lines that are inside of that area, but it's less to keep track of)

It would take me a whole lot of paragraphs to explain my whole process, and there are probably things I do that I don't even think about that make things faster without me realizing. But, really, the main thing I think is just that I've been drawing for so long, and I also happen to just be lucky.

Another way I speed up my process, I think, is just that I'm familiar enough with certain concepts (like, for example, how a jacket sleeve folds) that I can draw those things with fair confidence without needing to do a sketch underneath, or I've come up with a simplified way to draw them that doesn't take as long as sketching out all the technical stuff. Just because I've drawn them so many times before.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that the time it takes is less between individual pieces, for me, and more all of the years and years of practice that you don't see that got me to the point where I'm able to draw that fast.

Also, you think my art is technically impressive???

That's a huge complement, thank you! I'm trying really hard not to imposter syndrome myself over here, but I definitely still see my art as being very rudimentary. I was really slow to get good at art (like, years and years of just garbage), and sometimes I still feel like I'm stuck at that level of 'fine, but not great'- especially because I'm able to work so fast; it kind of feels like, well, if I'm able to make it that quick then it can't really be good. BUt!!! That is not true!!! And it's bad to say that about myself because then other artists who are like me will feel bad and they shouldn't!! Everyone works at a different pace and it's not an indicator of skill or quality, it's just another stat on your skilltree

Anyway. Thank you very much! I hope this post was?? Helpful?? Or at least entertaining! I hope you also have a wonderful day/evening!

#answering asks #answered ask #doodles #Sabian's Sketchbook

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the-unnamed-haven · 29 days ago

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TKOD short: Confession of a Fallen God

Idk when my motivation is gonna come back, but some... Life stuff, we'll call it, has been hitting me pretty hard mentally, so I likely won't be back to writing till next month sometime. In the meanwhile, have this lil short about one of the most toxic individuals I've ever written.

Oh, and Narinder's here too.

“So, what did you want to talk to me about, Narinder?”

The Lamb had a voice like mead, intoxicating and sweet. Her smile was warm and inviting, her beautiful crimson eyes giving a soft gaze. Her form, even covered by her rather modest everyday robes, was simply stunning. Everything about her was so perfect, it was all Narinder could do to stop himself from staring, speechless.

“You… look quite lovely tonight.” Narinder said, trying hard to remember the script he had planned out for this moment.

“Hm. Do you mean to imply I don't always?” The Lamb narrowed her eyes disapprovingly, but maintained her smile.

“Uh… well, no, I just… that is, I… what I mean to say is, um…” Narinder struggled to find the words. Somehow, he hadn't accounted for this.

The Lamb playfully batted his shoulder. “Oh, I'm just teasing! I know what you meant.” The Lamb turned towards the setting sun, their silhouette bathed in the light of dusk. Such a gorgeous sight…

“Right…” Narinder breathed a sigh of relief. Things were still going according to plan. Knowing her, he really should have seen that coming. That playful nature is part of what drew him to her in the first place.

“Well? You didn't ask to speak to me just to compliment my looks, did you?” The Lamb turned to Narinder, a look of expectation on her face.

Despite all his preparation, his nerves still threatened to get the better of him. His legs were ready to sprint away at any given moment. He felt far from ready for this. But he had been putting it off long enough. He would not wait a moment more.

“Lamb… it's been twenty years since I first came here. I know things haven't been… Well, that is to say, the relationship between us has been rather tumultuous.”

“Considering how many times you've tried to take the Crown back - and kill me in the process - I'd say ‘tumultuous’ is certainly a way to put it.”

“Yes, well… it hasn't been easy for either of us, I think it's fair to say. We've had it out for each other since you took the title of Death for yourself. But at some point, I came to respect you.”

Narinder moved in closer. The moment he had been preparing for was fast approaching. “You wield the Red Crown like a true artisan. You have learned in a mere two decades what took me centuries. And, while you still have a ways to go before I can say in good faith that you have truly replaced me -”

The Lamb rolled her eyes.

“- I firmly believe you will reach those heights in short order. It's almost as if you were meant to bear the Crown.”

“Well. I do believe that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. What's brought this on?” The Lamb stepped closer. This was it. It was now or never. Narinder took a deep breath.

“Lamb. You once told me that this mortal life was meant to be a punishment. And for a time, it was. But, being forced to observe this world through the lens of mortality has shown me things I would never have seen as a god. In spite of this so-called punishment, I have felt the warmth of companionship. I have learned the sense of accomplishment that follows a hard day's work. I have come to know the gratitude of one's fellows, and the joy that accompanies it. I know not if this form can age, or even die, but I understand how those who know their time is limited can still find meaning in this world.”

Narinder gently grasped the Lamb's hand. “Beyond even that, however… I have found that I cannot stop thinking about you. My heart begins to beat fast whenever I see you. The sound of your voice lifts my spirit. You wield Death with such grace, I cannot help but be entranced whenever I get to watch you work. I didn't want to admit it at first. Falling for my usurper… felt like a new low, a new and terrible depth to sink to. But we cannot deny how we feel.”

“Narinder…” the Lamb seemed almost surprised, but Narinder had a feeling she had been anticipating this. The Lamb was quite good at finding out things she had no business knowing. She had probably read his mind at some point, without ever giving it away. It didn't matter, though. Regardless of whether she already knew or not, nothing would change until he said the words aloud.

“Lamb, I… I love you. I love you in a way I have loved none other I have known. I would sacrifice a thousand souls in your name. I would tear out the still beating hearts of every heretic in these lands if you asked me to. When my final moments come, it shall be your name upon my lips, your visage in my fading thoughts.”

Narinder was trembling. His heart was racing. “I - I know your heart belongs to that fox, Aria. You've brought her back from the dead once, and you would do so again. I would not think to take her place. But, if there is room in your life for another…” Narinder lowered his head. “...Forgive me. It matters not. I have prepared for the worst already. But, as I said, I cannot deny how I feel. Know that I will not think less of you, should you answer unfavorably. I simply needed to tell you. Whatever comes next…” Narinder raised his head, locking eyes with the lamb. “...I will still serve you faithfully.”

Narinder was met with a momentary silence. The wind itself seemed to die down. He said he had braced himself for the worst, but in truth, he was genuinely hoping the Lamb would reciprocate his affections.

Finally, the Lamb broke the silence. “Oh, Nari…” As she tightened her grasp on his hand, her smile began to twist into something more sinister. “You never fail to amuse me.”

The sun was fading from the horizon. Night would soon fall. The pale glow of the moon was beginning to illuminate the sky.

“I told you this life would be a punishment. And I meant it.”

“I… I’m not sure I understand.”

“Of course you don’t.”

The Lamb pulled away, turning her back on Narinder. “You think this was your choice? I’ve known this was coming for a long time, and not just because I can read your mind.”

All the warmth the Lamb had previously exuded was gone, replaced by a malice Narinder was horrifyingly familiar with. She turned her head towards Narinder with a sadistic smile. “Everything has gone exactly according to plan.”

“I… My Lamb, what are you talking about?” Narinder spoke with a confused tone. Of all the outcomes he had planned for, whatever this was wasn’t among them.

“All these feelings you have for me were by design. I’ve been doing my damndest to make you fall for me.” The lamb began circling Narinder. The sun had almost fully set.

“Complementing you at every opportunity. Rewarding you for every job well done. Making sure you saw me stealing glances at you. All calculated. All planned.”

The Lamb grabbed Narinder’s shoulders from behind. “Of course, the menticide mushrooms I’ve been putting in your daily tea have certainly helped.”

Narinder recoiled from the Lamb’s touch. “You what?!?”

“Hehehe! Oh, you mean to tell me you didn’t notice? I’ve been slipping a small amount of those mushrooms into your morning tea since you got here. The dosage you’ve been getting wouldn’t have any outwardly noticeable effect, but it can make a person ever so slightly more… Agreeable. More willing to listen. More open to suggestion.”

Narinder stood in stunned silence, his eyes wide in horror. Nothing about what he was hearing made sense. And yet…

“I can see you’re putting things together.” The Lamb donned a more saccharine smile, clearly intending to mock Narinder. “I’ve been pushing you towards this outcome all this time. You certainly made me wait, though. Was starting to wonder if you’d ever work up the nerve.”

The Lamb turned their back once more, raising their arms wide. “And you know the best part of all? Now that you know, you’ll be second guessing yourself the rest of your life.” They turned their head to Narinder, eyes wide with what could only be described as madness. “You can’t help how you feel, right? You’ll spend whatever’s left of your life wondering if it was ever real. After all, you still feel it, right?” She turned back to Narinder, eyes almost bulging out of her skull, her smile unnaturally wide. “Even hearing all of this, you STILL LOVE ME!” She grabbed Narinder’s face. “YOU CAN’T TELL WHERE THE TRUTH ENDS, CAN YOU?! HOW MUCH IS REAL AND HOW MUCH DID I CREATE?!?!”

The pair stood in silence for a moment. The sun had fully set. The pale light of the moon illuminated half the Lamb’s face, now receding into a more natural expression.

“And now… Now that you know the truth…” The lamb let go of Narinder. “...Your punishment can begin.” With that, the Lamb left.

Narinder stood alone in the field, unsure how to even begin to process what had just occurred. Truly, he couldn’t help but be impressed. This was nothing short of a masterful display of vengeance. But then, was that very thought his own, or the product of the Lamb’s manipulations? Did he truly find the lamb to be so incredible? Where did the truth end?

Narinder looked down at his hands, eyes still wide. Even his own memory could be false. How much of his own recollection could be the product of the Lamb? Could he even trust himself?

A coldness washed over him. Of course it was all a ploy. Though she was still an infant god, she had come into her own quite well. Her grudge still held strong. He should have expected that of his usurper. And yet, it was still quite the revelation. The object of his desire, orchestrating that very desire, only to turn it against him. A brilliant plan. Brilliant? Did he truly believe that? Could he believe that??

He no longer knew. He couldn’t trust the Lamb. He couldn’t trust himself. And yet, despite all of this, he could not let go of his love for the Lamb. This love may well have been the product of the Lamb’s machinations, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to discard it. He truly did love her. This revelation felt like… like…

A sudden revelation struck him like a hammer blow to the skull. He had felt this before. This sting. This pain. Over a thousand years ago, when his siblings conspired to seal him away. The rage, the heartache, the unbearable despair.

Betrayal.

Narinder fell to his knees. For the first time that he could recall, he wanted nothing more than to cry. But the tears would not come. The sadness was overshadowed by emptiness. He felt hollow. Numb. As though his very soul had been drained away.

In truth, perhaps it had.

#cult of the lamb #cotl au #the kingdom of death #tkod #cotl #cotl fanfic #cotl narinder #oh the Narilamb shippers are gonna skin me alive for this #hehehehe....

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strangerthingsfanworkrecs · 5 months ago

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Artist Highlight: Talanashta

This week, we're highlighting @talanashta! All recs this week will be for their work. @talanashta writes, and makes graphic designs at @talanashta-graphics. If you want to see all their work, check out their website! (which they also designed and maintains) We're highlighting Talanashta for their incredible Stobin dynamic.

We strongly recommend checking out their UnderTale crossover fic -- Fallen Down, which they also did a bunch of fantastic graphics work for. Talanashta answered some questions about their creative process and their work under the cut

Why Stranger Things?

I had read a few Stranger Things fics way back when the show first came out and knew a bit about the show, but at the time I hadn't been drawn in. (This was immediately post-season 1.) But then as the show continued, and Steve became a bigger part of it, and Robin was introduced, I got sucked in fast. I love both of them so much!

What's your favorite ship (platonic or romantic) to create for?

Stobin. They are my OTOTP, above any other pairing in any other fandom, and I'd like to think that comes through in my works. I have so many emotions about these two, it's ridiculous. Pretty much if I've got both Steve and Robin in one of my fics, that's it; they're the main focus.

What's your typical writing process like?

I have a bit of a hodgepodge of styles. It really depends on if I have a plan in mind or not. Sometimes I'll write with a super detailed outline and stick to it, but most of my works I just go with the flow and write where my creativity takes me. If you ask anyone, though, I'm a notes person. Any of my fics that involve actual planning end up with pages upon pages of notes.

What got you started on making graphics?

For the things for my site, I just wasn't finding resources out there that were what I wanted, so I started making my own. Plus I wanted my accounts to have my own creative touch on them, instead of someone else's.

What's your typical designing process like?

Vibes. 100%. I have a couple styles I like, so I pick a theme or color scheme and just build on those. Like for my seasonal stuff, I'm just like "What's Halloween-y? Pumpkins? Toss some of those in there then!" I use Canva (the free version) for making most of my graphics, but I use Krita for anything Canva can't do.

What has been your favorite project so far? Why?

Fallen Down is for sure my favorite. It's very fun to see these two familiar characters going through a very new situation like this, interacting with other characters I love. It's got a bit of mystery, some adventure, friendship, the works. I also have a very loyal fan of the story who leaves me very detailed comments that always make my day!

What has been your hardest project so far? Why?

Kinktober. I've been doing creative writing for over 15 years now, but I only recently dipped my toe into occasionally writing smut, and boy, did I struggle with it. It's like any skill, and I just didn't/don't have a lot of practice. I ended up only filling a few prompts for it and called it good.

Have you ever had a creative block? How did you get over it?

I don't have too many issues with that, in general. I feel I'm a pretty creative person. Over the years, though, I've learned a few tips to help when I come across a stumbling block. If the story isn't flowing, I go back a few paragraphs and try again. Usually, the direction I'd been taking the story in just wasn't the right one, so I don't force it.

Is there a big source of inspiration for you? Books? Art? Games?

Stranger Things isn't my only fandom, so some of my inspiration comes from what's going on in other fandoms. I read a lot of fanfiction if I'm being honest, and that shapes a lot of my ideas.

Is there an upcoming project you're particularly excited about?

My Eddie Munson Big Bang fic! I don't want to spoil anything, but it follows middle-school Eddie just after he moves in with Wayne. In the fic, their neighbor at the trailer park owns a dog. It's a very "horse girl" fic, with Eddie and this dog and their developing friendship. It's got some angst, but it works towards a lot of positive feelings and a happy ending.

Is there anything we didn't ask that you'd like to add?

If anyone out there reading this ever wants to talk about any of the things I've put out there (my site/coding, my fics, my art) or ask more questions, feel free to DM me! I'm always happy to chat.

#designer highlight #writer highlight #strangerthingsfanarthighlights #stranger things #platonic stobin #undertale #talanashta #artist intro

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ophernelia · 1 year ago

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can you give any tips for writing scripts? do you do it before or after you film the scenes? i’m having trouble figuring out dialogue and and how to space things out..

Ofc! This might be long though so sorry in advance!

I always write my scripts before I film a scene. If the script isn’t done, then I can’t film. It’s where I map out everything. Sometimes I’ll deviate from the script, because what’s in my head when I write isn’t always easily replicable in game. I still use it as a guideline for filming though. Here’s a rough sketch of what a detailed script looks like for me:

As far as pacing, I usually try to fantasize about how the scenes would go in my head. I try to be mindful of how long it takes everyone to read too. I read pretty fast, but I know the scenes and I know the script so it’s not the same for me as it is for my audience. I like to let the dialogue hang for a bit so people have time to read what’s written, but to also observe the scene visually.

Also, I use the script to show pacing too. Since I have a larger cast it’s a bit easier to do now, but I don’t like for a character to appear in two consecutive scenes. Especially if they’re in different places and a portion of the scene didn’t include them traveling. So, if Lou appears in scene 1 then he probably won’t appear again until scene 3 or later. In my head I see it as giving the character enough time to move from place to place.

When it comes to story pacing, I don’t want too much to happen too soon. It depends on how long your story is, of course, but I try to have a slow lead up to major things. For season 2, it took all season for Lou to meet his dad. Along the way I built it up by sprinkling in a few scenes here and there. Adding in a few crumbs to conversations. With other things you don’t wanna draw it out too long. Like Kaila, Rory, and Sav’s love triangle. Kaila and Rory were meant to get together quickly to show how much pull Rory has. It also shows how much Savannah was unwilling to fight for her because she knew Kaila wasn’t her person. A lot of this stuff is just personal preference though and depends on what fits your characters.

The best thing I can recommend to do is to watch your favorite shows. See how they block out scenes. See how long each scene lasts. See how the characters move through a scene. Think about the whole season and see when major turning points occurred. Take a little inspiration from that and then tailor it to fit your story. I try not to emulate shows too much because I like for Lykaia to stand on its own (and I have certain views about copying v. inspiration), but it is very helpful to at least observe how other shows are filmed. I try to think if my show was on like Netflix or Hulu- how would it look? How would it flow? I did that a lot more this season though and not the first two. Which is why I’m really not fond of season 1 of Lykaia. At least the first half. Twilight is one of those movies that has such a distinct look that whenever the style is emulated it looks like a copy. Which was completely unnecessary, because that sickly green aesthetic isn’t the only way to show solemn and moody weather. If I wanted that vibe, I needed to tailor it to fit Lykaia. I do that now by using a lot of rain, cooler tones, and a dry color palette. So, it’s stuff like that. It’s just been a learning process for me.

#text post #asks #filmmaking help #resources

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spark-hearts2 · 4 months ago

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QUESTION TWO:

SWITCH BOXES. you said that’s what monitors the connections between systems in the computer cluster, right? I assume it has software of its own but we don’t need to get into that, anyway, I am so curious about this— in really really large buildings full of servers, (like multiplayer game hosting servers, Google basically) how big would that switch box have to be? Do they even need one? Would taking out the switch box on a large system like that just completely crash it all?? While I’m on that note, when it’s really large professional server systems like that, how do THEY connect everything to power sources? Do they string it all together like fairy lights with one big cable, or??? …..the voices……..THE VOICES GRR

I’m acending (autism)

ALRIGHT! I'm starting with this one because the first question that should be answered is what the hell is a server rack?

Once again, long post under cut.

So! The first thing I should get out of the way is what is the difference between a computer and a server. Which, is like asking the difference between a gaming console and a computer. Or better yet, the difference between a gaming computer and a regular everyday PC. Which is... that they are pretty much the same thing! But if you game on a gaming computer, you'll get much better performance than on a standard PC. This is (mostly) because a gaming computer has a whole separate processor dedicated to processing graphics (GPU). A server is different from a PC in the same way, it's just a computer that is specifically built to handle the loads of running an online service. That's why you can run a server off a random PC in your closet, the core components are the same! (So good news about your other question. Short answer, yes! It would be possible to connect the hodgepodge of computers to the sexy server racks upstairs, but I'll get more into that in the next long post)

But if you want to cater to hundreds or thousands of customers, you need the professional stuff. So let's break down what's (most commonly) in a rack setup, starting with the individual units (sometimes referred to just as 'U').

Short version of someone setting one up!

18 fucking hard drives. 2 CPUs. How many sticks of ram???

Holy shit, that's a lot. Now depending on your priorities, the next question is, can we play video games on it? Not directly! This thing doesn't have a GPU so using it to render a video game works, but you won't have sparkly graphics with high frame rate. I'll put some video links at the bottom that goes more into the anatomy of the individual units themselves.

I pulled this screenshot from this video rewiring a server rack! As you can see, there are two switch boxes in this server rack! Each rack gets their own switch box to manage which unit in the rack gets what. So it's not like everything is connected to one massive switch box. You can add more capacity by making it bigger or you can just add another one! And if you take it out then shit is fucked. Communication has been broken, 404 website not found (<- not actually sure if this error will show).

So how do servers talk to one another? Again, I'll get more into that in my next essay response to your questions. But basically, they can talk over the internet the same way that your machine does (each server has their own address known as an IP and routers shoot you at one).

POWER SUPPLY FOR A SERVER RACK (finally back to shit I've learned in class) YOU ARE ASKING IF THEY ARE WIRED TOGETHER IN SERIES OR PARALLEL! The answer is parallel. Look back up at the image above, I've called out the power cables. In fact, watch the video of that guy wiring that rack back together very fast. Everything on the right is power. How are they able to plug everything together like that? Oh god I know too much about this topic do not talk to me about transformers (<- both the electrical type and the giant robots). BASICALLY, in a data center (place with WAY to many servers) the building is literally built with that kind of draw in mind (oh god the power demands of computing, I will write a long essay about that in your other question). Worrying about popping a fuse is only really a thing when plugging in a server into a plug in your house.

Links to useful youtube videos

How does a server work? (great guide in under 20 min)

Rackmount Server Anatomy 101 | A Beginner's Guide (more comprehensive breakdown but an hour long)

DATA CENTRE 101 | DISSECTING a SERVER and its COMPONENTS! (the guy is surrounded by screaming server racks and is close to incomprehensible)

What is a patch panel? (More stuff about switch boxes- HOLY SHIT there's more hardware just for managing the connection???)

Data Center Terminologies (basic breakdown of entire data center)

Networking Equipment Racks - How Do They Work? (very informative)

Funny

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mbti-notes · 5 months ago

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Anon wrote: INFP, 26. I have a problem I don't know the origin of. (Prefacing this by saying I've always been this way but I don't want to keep pretending I can live like this anymore. It's limiting my life, the opportunities I can take and everything I could be.) So. Let's say I'm at a bar, someone jokes about something and the joke is either one of those you come up with on the spot or just a reference, a quote, a proverb - basically something people hear once and then in the right moment recall and say to make others laugh. Most people seem to have their own "mental library" with other references like that, so they're able to reply and start this ironic back and forth of puns, maybe doing wordplay or imagination games and just amusing each other until they're laughing. This happens pretty quickly and they literally have no hesitation at all. They come up with stuff, share it, bond over humor, strengthen their relationship. They have everything so neat and tidy in their heads, or so it seems to me. I don't.

First of all, I am not that fast. And this is probably not to say I'm not smart, my QI's supposed to be 135 or higher (I don't remember right now cause I took the test a while ago). It's just that my mind always feels empty (or maybe it's filled with the wrong things the entire time). I don't recall anything that quickly, it really takes me a while to even recall a name I've read online the day before, sometimes. I need to focus and it takes a lot of energy and social times are faster, nobody waits for me to come up with the words I can't recall.

Second, I don't have a mental library with references, quotes and sayings I can pick from to sound funny in conversations. It's always the same two or three, and just because I've heard them since childhood. Other people seem to constantly learn more, register more, with no limit.

I can also be pretty oblivious sometimes. For example, it's obvious to everyone that the guy is speaking in a serious tone but it's ironic - and I still think that was a serious speech.

People treat me like I'm an idiot because of this. They always have to explain things to me, even basic information about life, and they look down on me cause they can tell I don't memorize.

I struggle with memory even when it comes to learning simple notions about what interests me by myself (alone) and then recalling them in a group of people. By myself, I do just fine, I take my time and mostly remember. With other people, I end up looking ignorant about most topics cause my mind is empty. They're able to spit fun facts about this and that, even using numbers, stats, making connections - and I can't even remember the basic fact itself, even though I did read about it multiple times. Let alone stats.

Same thing happens with improvisation. During the holidays we tried a fun game where we had to improvise a funny character and everyone could instantly think of someone except me.

Someone suggested this might be autism, but I'm not sure since I've been to therapy and no one ever told me that. I can only add that I've always had a hard time making friends growing up, I used to read a lot when I was a kid and then because of bullying had a long period of depression, so I stopped enjoying my hobbies. I've just recently started feeling better after years of therapy, and I'm about to get medicated for ADHD (which it's confirmed I have).

I really wanna fix this, honestly, because it's starting to impact my mental health and I still struggle to make and keep friendships since I'm not fast enough to participate or open up. I don't feel seen because I don't express my internal world fast enough for me to actually get some screen time. In the end, people tend to gravitate around each other more and ignore me. l'm definitely gonna talk about this with my therapist once the ADHD meds process is over, but what do you suggest? Even just a little practical advice would help a lot. I'm, like, miserable. Thank you.

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While it's possible that there is a neurological explanation for this matter (such as ADHD, depression, or autism), I'm not really in a position to confirm that for you. What I can do is set aside extraneous possibilities for a moment and look only at the data as it pertains to personality type. This may or may not help you, but it could open up a door for getting one step closer to discovering the root causes.

Since this matter is directly related to the way your mind works, there should be plenty of evidence of each cognitive function in the stack doing wonky things. From there, I would normally provide some practical advice about how to use the functions more optimally.

However, in your case, I don't see the functions doing the wonky things I expect to see. Rather, there is a complete absence of certain function activity. This gives me great pause. When the description of a psychological issue doesn't align properly with the personality type someone claims to be, then the first possibility to consider is that they are mistyped. You will have to explain to me how you came to conclude you are INFP. Just so you know, it is quite common for ISFPs, ISFJs, INFJs to mistype as INFP.

Even if I were to proceed under the assumption that you are INFP in hypothetical terms, I would still struggle to think of suggestions for function development because you seem to lack the basic building blocks of Fi, Ne, and Si from which to make a start. Taking ADHD back into consideration doesn't help much, either. I've worked with a number of INFPs with ADHD and they normally suffer from unhealthy Ne, which generally presents as a mind that is too messy due to being too full - not empty - the opposite problem from yours.

I take mistypes very seriously because this blog is specifically about type development. I have experience working on type development with people, including people who were mistyped, so I can tell you that trying to develop the wrong functions can produce very negative effects. It basically means operating with a false self-image, which has the potential to damage self-esteem. It's important to exercise an abundance of caution and avoid harm. I can't in good conscience suggest things that might ultimately send you in the wrong direction.

If you would like for me to continue helping you, the first thing you need to do is submit a thorough type assessment (by following the instructions on the contact page). The process would allow me to understand exactly how your mind works and then connect how you normally use functions to this specific matter at hand. Until then, my ability to help is very limited.

I understand this matter upsets you and you want nothing more than to fit in and feel normal. But psychology can be complex and it sometimes takes many steps to unravel a problem and understand it. To help you properly, I have to be able to determine where exactly your true potential lies, which means I have to consider the possibility that your social strengths lie elsewhere. I'm not yet convinced that the INFP growth trajectory is the right path.

The only practical advice I can leave you with at this point is: Exercise more intellectual curiosity. This shouldn't be a problem if you are indeed N. Broaden your horizons by taking up more interests, seeking out new experiences, learning more about the world, caring about important causes... and gradually build a stronger foundation of knowledge. From there, you should be able to contribute better during social interactions. To put it simply, the remedy to an empty mind is to start filling it.

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EDIT: An anonymous reader wrote in and requested I pass along a message, which I will present without comment for OP's consideration:

Message for the maybe-INFP anon with empty mind: You're not alone, I have adhd and struggle with a similar (INFJ). Social situations move too fast for me-- a relevant joke or anecdote comes to me too late. I miss the real meaning of words, not recognising tone, irony, or implications because I process things slowly. And my memory is unreliable, so I don't recall enough info to engage. Once, I forgot what the street I lived on looked like; things don't always stick. Draining despite being "empty".

#socializing #empty mind #assessment #ask

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spacedlexi · 1 year ago

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Seeing your art literally makes my day and inspires me to draw violentine art 🫂

Also, any useful resources for artists? Your coloring is so good!

abubububu aaa that makes me so happy to hear!!! thank you,,

coloring tips specifically? hmm here are a couple links to some videos on light and color and shadow stuff that does a good job explaining the way i approach those things. i dont always get super detailed with it but knowing how it all works will help you make your own creative choices

ive gotten kinda lazy with my coloring the last year or so. i started using blending modes to shade with instead of trying to do all the color logistics myself so now i can just throw down the true color flats and go. but the layer modes do a good job simulating light and shadow so it works enough for me aha

i use overlay layers for light and multiply layers for shadow pretty much, with the occasional glow layer for harder lights. plus sometimes either an overlay (day) or multiply (night) layer fill with the BG color to bring the flats into harmony with the BG before shading if it needs it. used a pin light layer for a night piece recently and i like how it looks (more saturated night look). just mess around with the layer modes until you like it honestly aha. but i try to use as few layers as possible since i dont want it to look over done or anything. intersecting overlay and multiply layers helps to give that saturated effect around where light meets shadow. you can see it pretty easily here (flats > multiply/shadow > overlay/light (+glow in the eyes))

its just the overlay layer painted on part of the multiply layer. warm light cool shadow (or cool light warm shadow depending on the scene). i keep the ambient light thats in the shadow cool (no overlay) to imply it as indirect from the primary light source

UHH thats really it honestly for my coloring process. i also try to use a limited palette. i look for all the colors characters share and try to pull them from the same swatch as much as i can. it helps to keep things feeling in harmony. same with using colors for light and shadow that already exist in the BG

other random tips always include DOING STUDIES AND USING REFERENCES!!!! i know studies can be sooo boring but they really do help. and even just doing a few of them can help tremendously. make it fun draw your faves instead but at least do it using some references youll improve so fast. style is all about how you interpret the world, so look at the world and try to learn from it :)

#art is science and science is art sooooooooooooooooooo true #replies with lexi #blusthings #art tips

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a-big-apple · 3 months ago

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🌿 🧩!

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer’s block and low creativity

that's always so tough! idk how it is for you nonny, but i go through phases where i'm really creative, or at least i know what i want to write and i can get some words down, and then i go through low phases where i'm tired and burned out on writing, and these alternate pretty regularly for me. in the low creativity phases i try to take in new media instead, catching up on shows and movies and books that i wasn't paying attention to in the high creativity phase. i also sometimes try doing a totally different creative thing, just to keep from stagnating too much, like a craft or learning a song on my ukulele or even just doing some ask memes like this!

i think nobody can be creative and productive all the time without getting tired, honestly. but if you've been blocked or in a low creativity time for a while and you want to try to bust your way out, then i would suggest a few things:

-try to remember what it is you enjoy about writing, and pursue that. if what you enjoy is outlining a plot, maybe try a trope or prompt generator and fool around with outlining something that has no pressure on it. if you like crafting particular kinds of things, like maybe you love writing banter dialogue or sex scenes or beautiful descriptions of scenery, try writing those things about your day or your life or your blorbos. just little scenes, just the thing you're into, not trying to make it into something bigger. if the biggest thing you get out of writing is the feedback or the community, try asking friends for short prompts, or finding servers and other places to post single scenes or ideas and chat with other people about them, and bounce things back and forth. or maybe try writing little gift snippets for people! what this advice boils down to is skip the parts that stress you out and the things that are keeping you from writing, and find ways to do only the bits you really enjoy for a while. not forever, because writing involves a lot of hard and not enjoyable things also, but just to get you excited and motivated again. wake your creative appetite up with the stuff that tastes good to you.

-look at the thing you're working on. open your docs where the wips are, or your notes, or your outlines. even if you don't type a single word, reread what you've already done, or reread some of your previous writing. do this for multiple days or weeks. get back in the mindset of looking at words and processing words and thinking about words, and then maybe try writing some, even if they're bad or you erase them later. sometimes a block is about not knowing what comes next, or trying to write something your story doesn't need, or trying to start an idea that isn't fleshed out enough yet and doesn't excite you. try doing some of that thinking work. pretend you're going to sit down and write words, and then see what excuses your brain throws in the way, like really look at what those excuses are, and then try to find ways to solve them or go around them. it might mean changing your process! but i read a thing about adhd recently that was like, instead of trying to force yourself to remember to put a thing on a certain shelf, try looking at where you naturally drop the thing and build a shelf under it. work with your brain instead of against it.

-i know this is the most annoying answer, but...writing exercises. writing games. writing challenges. sprints, or random prompts, or character explorations. i guess this is dovetailing with the first piece of advice, but writing something different or in a different way can sometimes kickstart you back into the groove!

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

HOO BOY okay none of these are hard and fast rules for me because there are exceptions to everything, but:

-egregious and constant spelling/grammar/formatting mistakes

-huge blocks of text with no paragraph separation

-characters being very OOC

-use of "gay panic" to mean queer people being flustered (both because i'm old and that will never not mean the gay panic defense to me, and because often these kinds of scenes are so stereotypical and not specific to the characters and it's just a big turn off for me)

-characters saying each other's names or nicknames in every line of dialogue, idk why this bugs me so much but it really really does

-describing characters by their hair or height or build or eye color when it's not relevant to what's happening, man oh man please just use pronouns and their names it's not actually that confusing to the reader

-canon compliant fics that get the canon wrong (i'm so sorry but yes i am that person)

those are the big ones i think... ty for the ask nonny!!! <3 <3

#writing meme #fanfiction

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