#it's about his denial that this is actually goodbye

[little-alien-duck]

thinking about how when the doctor says goodbye to sarah jane in the hand of fear instead of actually saying goodbye he says “until we meet again” and in the last when charley is dead and he’s saying goodbye to her the last thing he says is “until we meet again.” having Thoughts about this one.  

[street-smarts00]

Clingy

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (BAU!reader)

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WC: 3.7k

Summary: You tended to be very expressive with your friends when showing your affection. Whether it showed in pet names or physical touch. Only thing is, Spencer thinks he’s falling in love with you, and all of your sweet affectionate actions are starting to take a toll on his unrequited heart. At least, he thinks it’s unrequited. 

Tags: there’s a tiny bit of miscommunication but not too much that it will make your head explode like it does mine. Make out but nothing grown/spicy. Friends to lovers. A bit of hurt/comfort

A/N: Not beta read don’t kill me! yoooo spence is so in denial about her feelings in this but lol so real king. This is mostly from his POV but I had to cheat a few times. Hope i can live up to the hype that complimentary colors was. I low key don't like this one as much but had to execute it cause the idea was cute.

You were starting to drive him insane. Criminally insane. You could invade his thoughts at any waking moment of his day and take over his mind. Every affectionate pet name, every soft fleeting touch, hell every time you look at him, he would replay the moment in his mind like a broken record. If he was in a crowded room, his eyes would always fall on you. 

After being with the BAU for a while you became good friends with your coworkers. And with that, came your habit of calling your friends sweet nicknames. Anything from sweetie, to honey, to babes, and the one that broke his heart the most, my love. 

At first he didn’t understand why you were using terms of endearment that were typically used in a romantic relationship, but in a platonic way. At some point he caught on that you were similar to Garcia when it came to expressing your love for friends. Similar to her and the way she has her own sweet silly way of expressing how she cares.

Nevertheless, some small part of his heart still broke when you called him those names. He adored your sweet caring nature and the fact that you cared enough about him to call him terms of endearment. But every time a nickname fell from your lips, he was reminded you only meant it platonically. 

It was his own personal torture to constantly be reminded he would never be your sweetie, your honey … your love. But the nicknames weren’t enough to drive him insane. While it drove him to the brink of insanity, he was able to keep his head somewhat still on his shoulders. 

Not long after the heart warming but crushing nicknames, you showed your true love language. Physical touch. It showed in many forms. It could show when poking JJ in the shoulder and giving Emily a high five. Or nudging Morgan in his side with your elbow. You even managed to get a fist pump from Hotch and Rossi. And of course the welcome and goodbye hugs from Penelope. 

You were a bit hesitant at first to express this love language of yours with Spencer due to his aversion to touch and germs. However, you observed that he would gratefully receive occasional touches. Whether it be a hug, high-five, or even the rare ruffle of his hair -which of course would be from Morgan. So you approached him and asked if he was comfortable with physical contact. 

When it came to you, he was more than comfortable. You could take him in your arms and he would simply melt into a puddle on the floor. Except he didn’t say that and his reply was closer to a mix of stuttering and rambling about how you could never make him uncomfortable and how he just doesn’t like germs. 

Now he’s not saying he regrets his choices. He wouldn’t ever take it back. He enjoys every single lingering touch between the two of you. Actually “enjoys” would be a severe understatement. Every single time you ruffle his hair, lean your head on his shoulder, or even just carefully touch his arm, it was as if a thousand volts of electricity were flowing through him. Like he could light up the city even. You were the best part of his days and the reason breath filled his lungs. You brought a light into his life that made him feel safe and warm. 

He desperately wanted your affection, your attention, your touch, to mean something more than he knew it to be. But sooner or later, touch after touch, he started to go insane. Somewhere along the way he had daydreamed so deep he had lost his mind. 

You had officially driven Spencer Reid insane. 

He was promptly whisked away from his thoughts when he felt the tap of a folder on his shoulder and a light thump on his desk. 

“Hotch wants to know your thoughts on the consultation from Colorado,” you started. 

He blinked back into focus glancing at the papers on his desk. 

“Hey, you alright?” You asked with concern. “You look like your head is in the clouds.”

“I’m fine, just lost in thought,” he answered with a small smile reassuring you.

“Don’t get too lost. Can’t have your genius brain short circuiting on us.” You chuckled as you took a small step closer to him and playfully ruffled his hair. 

“I’ll try not to,” he grinned and pushed his hair back after you messed with it. 

“Well I’ll be back soon, my love. Gotta go bother Penelope,” you joked before making your way out of the bullpen. 

His gaze was lingering on you as you left. His thoughts started to drift to you again as his cheeks turned pink.

“I’ll be back soon, my love,” Morgan mimicked in a higher pitched voice with a grin as he approached Spencer's desk. In response Spencer turned his chair away from Morgan to hide his now red face. 

“When are you two going to start dating? You guys already act like a couple.” 

“We do not act like a couple,” Spencer argued. “She just sometimes calls me pet names, that's normal for her.” 

“You don’t see it do you?” Morgan furrowed his eyebrows and was seconds away from chuckling. “She’s been giving you quite a bit of attention lately. Practically clinging onto you.” 

“I mean I- I don’t think so. She does that with everyone, it's not just me. She just happens to be very affectionate with friends.” He answers as his voice almost cracked. 

Morgan shook his head, “Oh no it’s more than that. Have you ever noticed that she calls you “my love” but she calls us “love”? Or when we’re on a long flight back home and you two are all cuddly on the jet. How she always seeks out your company and finds an excuse to talk to you or about you.” 

Spencer couldn’t speak. He had so many words on the tip of his tongue but his voice wouldn’t make a sound. He sat frozen and mouth slightly agape as his brain started to go into overdrive. 

Morgan's face softened at Spencer's reaction. “It’s different with you kid. Friends don’t act like that.” 

“You and Garcia do.” Spencer countered, this time definitely with a voice crack. Morgan lightly chucked. He was well aware that his and Penelope’s friendship was a bit different than other male/female friendships. 

“Okay you got me there, but you and Y/N aren’t me and Garcia. We may flirt with each other a lot but that’s our thing. You two have this care for each other like nothing I've ever seen.” 

Spencer was left stunned once again and Morgan could practically see the gears in his head turning.

“You may not notice it now, or hell you may not let yourself notice it now, but it’s true.” 

Those words rang in the back of Spencer's mind for days. Of course on a regular basis you would occupy his mind at any given moment. But now it wasn’t just thoughts about you. His mind was over analyzing almost every interaction between you and him, trying to find what Morgan had talked about. Some form of evidence that proved what you felt for him was beyond what he had initially thought. 

He was recounting all the recent times you had approached him out of the members of your team. He recalled all the times you were either hanging out or on the jet and you found yourself tracing patterns on his arm. He was rethinking when you started to use nicknames around him and how it could be different with him than with others. It turned out Morgan might be right, as Spencer realized the numerous times you referred to Garcia or Emily as “love”, but in the rare instance you said “my love” it was only ever directed to him. 

The idea of you liking him back had become an all consuming thought, but he was too terrified to ask you. What if Morgan was wrong? Profilers have been wrong before. He became petrified by the idea of asking you about it and possibly finding out his feelings were unrequited. But most of all, he was scared of losing you. Scared that if he brought it up he would make things awkward and ruin your friendship. He couldn’t lose you, not over something as trivial as his feelings. 

Unfortunately the mental toll this was taking on his mind started to show. Not so obvious that the everyday person would notice, but you weren’t an everyday person. You grew to know him like the back of your hand. So of course you started to notice the little changes in his behavior. His ever so slight flinch when you would initially touch him. His eyes which used to linger on you and catch your eyes from across the room, now focused almost anywhere you weren’t. The way his body froze when you placed a hand on his shoulder. The way his eyes partially widened when you called him anything other than his name. 

He tried to hide his worries from you, but you could tell something was bothering him. 

Something about you.

His overall behavior didn’t reflect that he was avoiding you or distancing himself from you. He still talked to you and acted around you like normal. Instead it felt like he was holding himself back from receiving or truly appreciating your affection the way he used to. 

~

Days had passed and the team was sent on a case. While this case was an emotional rollercoaster for everyone, it had affected you the most. The victims had reminded you of yourself and the unsub and all of his delusional reasoning for his actions had hit very close to home. 

The team caught the unsub and closed the case quite late in the evening. Everyone was exhausted after the grueling past few days and decided to spend the night at the hotel to rest and leave in the morning. You however, still felt an ache in your stomach from all the anxiety felt throughout the day. You couldn’t seem to relax and let that weight off your shoulders. So you went to the one person who could help.  

Spencer was getting ready to go to sleep, peacefully reading a book in bed when he got a knock on his door. He placed his book down and when he opened the door he was greeted by you in pajama pants and a zip up hoodie, clearly also winding down for the night. 

“Hey,” you greeted. 

“Hi, what’s up? Is everything okay?” he asked, a bit concerned as to why you showed up at his hotel so late at night. He opened the door wider signaling you were welcome inside. You entered the room and stuffed your hands in your pockets as he closed the door. 

“I’m okay I just …” you cleared your throat. “I know this case has been a tough one but today’s been really hard for me. I’m still wired and awake, I can’t seem to relax enough to go to sleep,” You abruptly stopped your rambling to catch your breath. 

“This might sound dumb but, I’m in desperate need of a hug right now,” you finally admitted quietly.

He hated seeing you so timid and closed off. How you made yourself smaller than you were, all because you were asking for your basic needs to be met. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” 

“Huh?” 

“You don’t have to explain why you need a hug. You can just ask,” he said reassuringly. 

“Oh.” 

“Physical contact has been shown to increase levels of dopamine, serotonin, and even oxytocin; therefore, decreasing levels of stress and anxiety. Some people might even argue that physical touch is a fundamental element of being human and experiencing life.” His other way of trying to validate your feelings was of course rambling a string of facts and information from his fingertips. 

You couldn’t help but smile. God he loved it when you smiled. 

“So is that a yes?” you asked since you never exactly got an answer from your question in the first place. Even though you knew what his answer was. 

The corners of his lips turned into a grin. “Come here,” he says with outstretched arms. 

You practically ran into him at his offer. He wrapped his arms around you as you placed yours around his neck. He wished this moment could last forever. All while at the same time Morgan's previous statements were circling around in his head. 

He tried his best to push them away. He tried to tell himself this was not you acting on any potential feelings for him. This was simply you reaching out to a friend in need. 

He took note of the way you held onto him so tightly, almost as if he could leave at any second. It made his heart ache. 

“You feel tired,” he almost whispered. 

“I am,” you mumbled back, face buried in his neck. 

“Do you wanna lie down?” 

You lightly patted him on the back, “Don’t worry I’ll leave you be and go to sleep soon. I just need a minute 

“I meant … I meant do you want to lie down here?” He stammered. “So you’re not alone. You seem like you need a friend right now.” 

His own heart almost cracks when he says friend. But that’s what you need right now, a friend. 

“I’d like that,” you said with a small smile. 

You separate from him and he leads you to the bed holding your hand. He sits down against the headboard and waits for you to join him. 

You awkwardly sit down on the bed, eyes darting in all directions of where he’s sitting. “I- what should I …” 

“You could sit down the way you do on the jet,” he kindly offers. 

You relax at his words and move to sit at his side. He wraps his arm around you as you rest your head against his shoulder. You both sat there in a moment of silence, enjoying eachothers company. He was getting lost in the sweet smell of your perfume; the small bit of it that still lingers from the long day you’ve had. 

He started to recall all the times you two would be close like this. It didn’t happen very often. Sometimes on a long jet ride home from a long or stressful case. Or sometimes when the team went out for drinks and you would be tired from dancing. In the rare occasions you two were like this, you would tend to draw patterns on his arm or leg. 

So he decided to finally return the favor. With the arm he had wrapped around you, he started to dance his fingertips over your upper arm. 

He felt you practically melt into him at the action. If you could get any closer to him, you did. 

He continued tracing your arm with an overwhelming amount of care. It made you consider his previous actions compared to how welcome you were now in his arms. 

“Spencer, I’m gonna ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me,” you spoke with a hidden hesitation in your voice. 

“Of course I’ll be honest to you. I always will be,” he furrowed his brows at the thought of you being scared of him lying to you. 

You let out a small, almost shaky breath. “Am I clingy?” you murmured. 

This made his hand on your arm stop. He shifted his sitting position so he could face you better but also didn’t want to let you out of his hold. 

“No, never,” he told you with assurance. “Why would you think you’re clingy?” 

He saw you hesitate once more before you gave him your reply. “I was just overthinking things. Worried I was taking the physical contact thing too far or that I’m a bit too affectionate at times.“

“Why would you be worried? You’d never take things too far. You’ve always been respectful of other people’s boundaries.” 

You sighed with a shaky breath. He could practically see through you and see you considering your response. 

“Because I thought I was making you uncomfortable.” you looked down to avoid his gaze. 

He was quiet for a second, absolutely baffled as to how you would think you could ever make him uncomfortable. “Why?” His question was a barely audible whisper.  

“You seemed different. All of a sudden you would freeze when I touched you. You became jumpy and skittish when I talked to you. I thought I was too much for you but you didn’t want to tell me about it.” 

You shifted away to face him and his hand fell from your arm. You fidgeted with the sleeves of your hoodie as your face went blank. 

“You could never be too much for me,” he spoke with a soft voice. He tried to reach his hand out to hold yours but your hand disappeared in your sleeve at his touch. 

“Then why were you different all of a sudden?” You narrowed your eyes at him. 

His cheeks started to turn pink, “I- I wasn’t.” 

“Yes you were.” 

“Y/N please,” he begged. 

“Spencer,” you whispered as your eyes bore into his. “You said you’d be honest with me.” 

He licked his lips and his face turned red. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He couldn’t find an escape route. He had no choice but to tell you. And once the flood gate opened, he would never be able to close it. 

“I was freaking out,” he blurted. 

“I was freaking out because Morgan implanted this idea in my head that you might possibly have feelings for me based on the way you act around me. I’ve been obsessed with that thought since he mentioned it. So I freaked out almost every time you touched me, talked to me, even looked at me,” he rambled on anxiously as he tried to explain himself. No holding back now. 

“I tried not to let it change my behavior but I guess it did and I am so sorry for that. I never wanted to give you the impression that I was uncomfortable. To be honest I don’t think you could ever make me uncomfortable” 

You were silent for a moment. He couldn’t read your reaction. Your eyebrows slightly raised with your lips parted. He could only see surprise, which was typical, he just didn’t know if this kind of surprise was good. 

“Why were you so obsessed with the idea of me having feelings for you?” 

He could’ve sworn his heart was going to beat out of his chest at any moment. 

“Because I think I’m falling in love with you.”

 Here we go. Flood gates. 

“The idea you might like me back became an all consuming thought because I never before thought it was possible and I never wanted to get my hopes up. Actually, I pretty much think about you all the time so it wasn’t that far from normal. ” 

“You’re falling in love with me?” you asked barely above a whisper. 

“Yes,” he spoke softly with full confidence. 

The only change to your appearance was your eyes widened a bit more. It made Spencer's heart sink to his stomach. 

“Listen, I understand if this makes things weird between us and I am so sorry. I just couldn’t ..”

He couldn't finish his thought, you were too busy locking your lips with his. It was a sweet but cautious kiss, almost as if you were testing the waters in uncharted territory. You felt him freeze against you so you leaned away, breaking from the kiss. 

Not even seconds later Spencer placed a hand on your face and was diving back into the kiss with fervor. You instantly reacted as your arms found their way around his neck and your hand was digging in his hair. The kiss was intoxicating. Both of you trying to get a taste of the other after what felt like eons of pinning. 

He wrapped his arms around your waist while his one hand snuck up to the small of your back where your hoodie had exposed your skin. It sent a shiver up your spine while you let out a shaky breath against his lips. You tried shifting in your seat to somehow get closer to him. With his hands against your waist he helped guide you to sit in his lap straddling him. 

When you finally break from the kiss your faces are red and Spencer rests his forehead against yours. You focus on the sound of his breath and the feeling of your heart practically beating in your ears. 

Your hand moves to play with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “I guess I didn’t do a very good job at showing I had feelings for you.” 

The corners of his mouth lift up into a giddy smile. “No, you did. I’m just oblivious.”

“Sounded like you were in denial,” you lightly teased. 

“That too,” he chuckles. 

After a moment of enjoying each other's presence, you pull away from him just far enough to look him in the eyes. 

“I know I call everyone pet names, but every time I used them with you, I wanted it to mean something more. Part of me would always hope you would one day call me those names back,” 

Spencer swore his heart could give out at any second. He never expected to hear this from you and it made him lightheaded.

“This may sound childish but.. I never craved attention so badly, until you gave me yours,” you added. 

He licked his lips and smiled. With his hands still on your waist he traced mindless patterns at your sides. “You have my complete and undivided attention, my love.”

His words made you giddy. You bit your lip to keep yourself from giggling. Although, he would never be opposed to hearing your beautiful laugh. 

There were no words to describe the way that you felt. So without thinking, you leaned forward once more to capture his lips with yours. 

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Tag Requests: @nomajdetective

[buckybabesonly]

as long as we're together (does it matter where we go?)

Summary: You don't want to be a burden to Bucky, knowing he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Pairing: Bucky x Female!OC

Genre: Angst

Length: 7.8k

Two years ago

“I don’t think I want to be with you anymore.”

Bucky had expected it. Weeks of you being distant, making secret phone calls, avoiding his touches like they physically hurt you. Countless times Bucky had asked, what's wrong?, only for you to shut him down and say that everything was fine. Bucky was sick of hearing that empty, meaningless mantra, but it didn’t mean that he reveled in your confession now.

Even though it didn't come as a surprise, it still felt like a punch to the gut. It physically winded him to hear those words leave your lips.

He wondered what he did wrong. He wondered where they went wrong. They were so in love, so wonderfully content in each other's company. You were his person. Steve had once told Bucky that he would find someone unexpectedly, when Bucky made an off-hand comment about how lucky he was to have met Peggy.

“You’ll find your Peggy.”

Things had been perfect. Or maybe Bucky had just been in denial, ignoring all the problems between you because he thought that his feelings for you triumphed over everything, no matter what hardships you may have been suffering from. How could he ever face the reality that you might actually leave in pursuit of something better?

Now, Bucky’s chest was tight with an indescribable feeling, both of you stood in your shared apartment. Your belongings stuffed into a black suitcase, Bucky’s heart in pieces on the hardwood floor.

He had expected it, but it didn't stop him from wanting to die.

"Why?" It was all he could ask. He wanted to know the reason, wanted to understand. Wanted to know if he could fix it. He was desperate to make you stay.

Bucky stared at your face. You looked so...indifferent. Unattached, in contrast to the woman he had met all those years ago. Where had the softness in your eyes gone? Why couldn’t you meet his pleading gaze, even now? At what point did your feelings for him start to fade, and was there anything he could have done to salvage it?

Your face was a blank slate, emotionless, and it made Bucky feel a truly troubling combination of sadness and anger. It was as if you had already said your goodbyes to their relationship, completely ready to move on whilst Bucky was still trying to process your words. You were ready to leave him behind to mourn.

“I don’t think we’re right for each other,” you had said quietly. “I don’t think we can give each other what we need.”

"Bullshit," Bucky said, his voice cracking. You grimaced ever so slightly at his tone, still unable to meet his eyes. "How can you say that?"

He took a step forward; you matched it with a retreating step, but with wide strides he seized your wrists. He silently willed you to say something which could somehow lessen the excruciating pain.

“Will you just look at me?”

He wanted so badly for you to meet his stare, to find some source of comfort within your eyes which usually held so much love for him.

Finally, you relented and lifted your head. They did not fill Bucky with any hope. You pressed your lips together firmly as he searched your face desperately for any sign of residual affection.

"We - we're in love. How can you say after all these years that we're not right for each other? For fuck's sake, will you just tell me what happened?"

"People change, Bucky," you said softly. The look on your face - was it sadness, or apathy? "We've become too distant."

"And whose fault is that?" Bucky released you then. He was so angry, wanting to elicit some sort of reaction from you, that he wanted to punch the wall beside them. It made him feel nauseous at how stoic you were now, like a piece of unyielding rock. He knew you hated it when he took his anger out physically. You had been the one to teach him how to manage his rage more constructively, to talk things out and use his words rather than his fists.

"Are you trying to say it's mine?" Your tone was sharp, finally demonstrating some emotion. "Are you saying that all those nights waiting for you to come back home, all those evenings alone whilst you stayed at the Tower, all those hours I spent staring at the four walls of this apartment were my fault?"

"You left me!" Bucky retorted, gritting his teeth. "You left me long before today! You think I haven't noticed? You can barely stand touching me. You're always on your phone, always texting, always out seeing your 'friends'," he said, making air quotes. "I asked Wanda, she said you haven't been meeting her or your other friends for weeks. Who's this 'friend’? Who the fuck is it that's so important that you can't spare any time for me, never mind your actual friends?"

A long, pregnant pause filled the air, an indecipherable mask on your face once more. Bucky’s eyes were wet, and if he hadn't been so angry, he would've seen the way your lower lip was trembling ever so slightly, the way it did whenever you were trying not to cry. It had been the biggest telltale sign for him over the years to know when you were upset and trying your best to hide it.

He was usually so good at reading you, but he was blinded with sadness.

"Fine," you said eventually, slicing the silence with a shaky exhale. "I'm seeing someone else."

You might as well have struck Bucky across the face.

Suspecting it and hearing the words fall from your lips were two different things. He physically reeled back in anguish as he stared at you. He took in the sight of his girlfriend in front of him, swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat. This was, without a doubt, the woman he had met five years ago. The woman he spent five years loving. The woman whom he recognized no longer.

"Why?" Bucky whispered, all the fight leaving his body. He physically seemed to sag, forehead creasing at all the other questions running through his mind, visions of you being touched and fucked by some faceless, nameless man.

You were almost pitiful in the way you looked at Bucky, and he hated it.

"I care for you, Bucky. But I’m not in love with you anymore. And I'm sorry I had to do this to you. Things just got out of control."

I’m not in love with you anymore.

You offered no further information, but he had stopped listening, anyway. The finality in your voice pierced him slowly, tortuously, through the heart. He barely moved when you took your suitcase and pulled it out behind you, out of their apartment. Out of his life.

The door slammed shut.

Present day

You are cordially invited to attend the wedding of Mercedes Knight & Samuel Wilson

Sam had become Bucky’s closest confidant in the past few years, and the latter had been a close witness as Sam met Mercedes ‘Misty’ Knight, a former NYPD officer who had somehow become roped into their crazy world. It was no surprise to Bucky when they announced their engagement just six months into dating.

Bucky found himself being pulled into their wedding planning discussions far too often. He tried to keep an amused smile at bay whilst listening into Misty and Sam’s wedding talk at the Tower. They were using one of the many conference rooms - a Knight-Wilson union was official business, Misty insisted.

"Are you bringing a date?" Misty asked suddenly in the middle of everything, the question directed at Bucky.

"Of course he's bringing a date," Sam smirked. "Heard things with Sharon are going well, right?"

Bucky smiled non-committedly, shrugging. "She's great." It didn’t go unnoticed by Sam that this didn’t quite answer his question.

"You two look good together," Misty offered. She glanced at her watch and widened her eyes theatrically, grabbing Sam’s hand. "Oh crap, we need to go meet with the wedding planner."

"But it feels like we just sat down," Sam complained.

"There's no rest for the bride and groom, Sam," Misty said, pulling her fiancé out of his seat as she waved goodbye at Bucky.

As soon as they departed, the smile on Bucky’s face dimmed. He was beyond happy for his two friends, he really was - but every couple he knew was a fresh reminder of his own failed love life.

Ever since you, he hadn't been in a long term relationship. Sharon is different, he told himself, and she was. They had been friends for a long time, and of course spent a lot of time together carrying out missions and the like. Over time, somehow, they had gotten closer, and one day Sharon had just asked him, “So when are you going to ask me out, Barnes?”

At that point, Bucky was still frequently thinking about you. Sharon had never met you before, but Bucky wouldn’t be surprised if she had heard stories about you from the others, since he had been notoriously affected by the breakup. Even though he was dealing with the aftershocks of the broken relationship, he was forcing himself to get past it.

They had been dating for two months now, and it only seemed right for Sharon to be his date at the wedding.

He had moved on. He was no longer the depressed, dark wreck he was when you left.

Sometimes it’s better to lie to yourself than to face the reality.

“You invited Bucky’s ex to the wedding?” Misty asked curiously.

“Uh, yeah. She’s not just his ex,” Sam explained gently. “She’s my friend too, and I haven’t seen her since she left town.”

"You told Bucky?"

"Nope," Sam snorted, shaking his head. "I can't. I don't think he'd turn up if I did. I want them both there on the day - I'm sure they can be civil for one night."

“I wonder how Bucky will react," his future wife pondered.

Sam shrugged. Not well, probably.

"What else can I do? I can’t not invite her, I really want her to be there. You never met her, so you don’t know, but she’s been through some shit.”

“I know, I know, you told me,” Misty said. “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt. Do you think she'll be okay seeing Bucky again? Especially if he'll be there with Sharon?"

"She said she can handle it. She would be happy to see that Bucky was happy. She was the one who practically begged me to encourage him to move on."

“Do you think he has?”

Sam paused, considering the question carefully.

“He has to.”

Several weeks later, Misty Knight and Sam Wilson were officially wed at the local registration office. The day was full of hugs, cacophonous laughter, friends and family, and Bucky watched with a wide beam on his face as he witnessed his friends glow. Those kinds of smiles were few and far between nowadays, but he was truly happy for once.

"They look so good together," Sharon murmured as hundreds of guests filled the hotel ballroom, the party commencing in full swing. The newlyweds were in the center of the room, Misty being twirled around wildly by a laughing Sam before his wife collapsed against his chest in fits of giggles, looking up into his eyes adoringly.

More and more people joined them on the dance floor after the conclusion of their official first dance.

"Barnes, would you like to dance?" Sharon asked suddenly with a smile, extending a hand.

Bucky chuckled, allowing her to take his hand and lead him out to the dance floor.

An hour passed, and Bucky had to truthfully say that he was enjoying himself, assisted by all the alcohol he had consumed. Sharon was draped all over him as they swayed to the music, and Bucky found himself appreciating the feel of her body against his all too much, the scent of her intoxicating. His hands felt the fabric of her silky, emerald green dress, buried his nose into Sharon's blonde hair, sighing softly as he tightened his grip on her waist.

Her perfume was strong and woodsy, like a forest. It irritated his nose ever so slightly. You had preferred a more subtle, floral perfume, one that smelt like sakura blossoms.

Sharon was more confident and seductive in the way she danced, whilst you used to always let yourself become putty in his arms, enjoying how he took the lead and managed to make you look like you knew how to dance despite your two left feet.

However, despite the differences, if Bucky closed his eyes and just tried a little harder, he think he could pretend that -

"Sorry to interrupt.”

Bucky pulled away from Sharon suddenly, and he turned to mock glare at Sam. "What do you want, Wilson?"

"Need to borrow you for a minute," Sam said, an undecipherable expression on his face. Bucky tried to see where Misty had disappeared off to, but saw no trace.

"Um, sure..." Bucky tried to read Sam’s face but gleaned nothing.

"I'll just go say hi to Natasha," Sharon said, giving Bucky’s forearm a squeeze before she disappeared.

Sam’s smile faded, and he caught Bucky’s arm in a vice grip. "I need to tell you something. Don't get mad, okay?"

"What?" Bucky scowled as Sam dragged him to the side of the room, weaving through the crowds of guests. "What good news starts with, ‘don’t get mad’? Are you gonna tell me you want to run out on Misty or something?" He joked.

Sam pulled him out through one of the open French doors which led to a pretty, outdoor stone balcony. He shut them behind him as Bucky continued to babble, a little tipsy from the champagne he'd had. "I gotta tell ya, if she asks me to kick your ass I will literally do so -”

"Bucky," Sam said, taking a deep breath. "She’s here." Meeting Bucky’s nonplussed eyes, your name rolled off Sam’s tongue in clarification.

He felt like the breath was sucked from his lungs as he stared back at Sam, who looked uncharacteristically anxious.

“What?" He asked hoarsely, instantly sobering up. “What do you mean?”

Chills were running through his body. The name he had avoided for years was suddenly causing him to feel breathless. How did you still have such an affect on him?

"She couldn't make it to the ceremony earlier today, but she just arrived."

"You - you invited her here? She’s here, now?"

"Yes," Sam replied, nodding. "I invited her.” He straightened up and crossed his arms over his chest almost defiantly.

Bucky was speechless for a moment, taking a step back and scoffing. He shook his head. “Do you remember what she did to me?”

“I'm sorry, Buck..."

Bucky suddenly laughed, startling Sam. His laugh was curt, humorless. "What are you sorry for? I'm over her, Sam. It was two years ago. I haven't seen her in two years. I don't care anymore," he said quickly. Too quickly.

"Listen -"

"Look, it's okay." Bucky raised his hands in small surrender. “You have the right to invite whoever you want. I’m not mad. But I just don’t want to be held accountable for whatever happens now.”

He turned and wrenched the French doors open with such force that the handle buckled slightly. The noise inside the ballroom spilled out to replace the painful silence on the balcony.

He disappeared inside before Sam could say anything else, and he tried to hide it, but Sam could clearly see that his hands were shaking as he marched inside.

For the next twenty minutes, Bucky found sanctuary in the restrooms. He stood inside the stall, trying to stop himself from mentally collapsing.

He didn’t know what was happening. He had never felt this overwhelming panic rush over him before, immobilizing him. Anger, sadness and yearning swirling inside a melting pot of emotions that was crippling him.

She was here. The woman he hadn't seen in two years, the woman who broke his heart, the woman who betrayed him, the woman who left him in tatters.

Your infidelity had had an unforeseen impact on him. When he first found out, he was devastated. Terrified of how you became someone he didn’t recognize - or had you always been someone capable of betraying him, just good at hiding it?

You had poisoned all the happy memories they had once shared. Bucky found himself recounting all the years you were together, micro-analyzing everything, wondering if there was a hidden lie behind it all.

That was one of the things which made him angriest. You turned all the beautiful years of your relationship into a lie. None of it was real, Bucky had told himself.

You crushed him.

Of his feelings, anger prevailed, slowly simmering to the surface, like a volcano about to erupt. How dare you walk back into his life like this? He would show you, Bucky thought with determination. He was over you. He had no reason to be angry, he thought bitterly, because you were nothing to him.

Just like Bucky was nothing to you.

When he emerged from the toilets, the first thing he did was find Sharon. She looked relieved to see him, although confusion was clear on her face as she eyed Bucky.

"Where have you been? Are you feeling okay?" She commented, brow furrowed with concern.

"I'm fine," Bucky assured her. "Have you seen Sam?"

Sharon pointed, puzzlement still painted across her face, and Bucky snapped round quickly.

And there you were.

It was as if you had never left. As if the past two years filled with Bucky trying to eradicate every memory and feeling he had for you had never happened, because as soon as Bucky’s eyes found you through the crowd, everything came collapsing back down on top of him like an avalanche. Suffocating.

You were still so beautiful, strikingly so. Like a burning beacon among the crowd, Bucky’s eyes found your face as easily as anything. For a second, he allowed himself to ignore anything except you, and how the sight of you still managed to take his breath away.

You looked thinner than he remembered, your face gaunt. Bucky frowned slightly at this acute observation and found himself wondering if you had been taking care of yourself.

"Barnes? You okay?"

Bucky registered Sharon shaking his arm, but his eyes remained fastened on yourself and Sam. Neither of you had spotted Bucky yet, who was rooted to the spot like a statue. Sam’s mouth was moving, words that Bucky couldn't hear escaping his mouth, but his expression was angry. Almost as if he was scolding you for something.

"I have to...I..." Bucky stumbled over his words, voice faint. He could feel those tendrils of anger slowly seizing him again, wisps at first, until they grew more and more potent by the second. He remembered every single thing he felt when you left him, and instead of trying to hold back the emotions, Bucky just saw red.

"Let me introduce you to someone," he said suddenly, his voice strained as he took Sharon's hand.

"You said you were better," Sam said, expression torn.

"I am," you lied, trying to put on a smile. Truth was, you were exhausted, just like how you always felt. The ballroom was so crowded and loud, and you just wanted to go back to the hotel and sleep, which you would the moment you finished congratulating Sam and Misty. And perhaps, even though you didn't want to admit it, you wanted to catch a glimpse of Bucky, too.

"Look at you, you're -"

“Sam, please don’t,” you interrupted gently. “Just drop it, please? It’s your big day, I don’t want you to worry about anything else.”

Sam opened his mouth to talk, but stopped suddenly, his eyes flitting to look behind you.

"Hey."

You froze. You knew that voice, of course. Heard it enough times, the deep, gravelly voice that had once whispered sweet pet names, proclamations of love, and plagued your dreams ever since you left him.

You had longed to hear his voice again, hear your name being spoken lovingly. His voice was your favorite sound in the world. Except tonight, hearing it for the first time in two years, you heard nothing but ice.

"Bucky?" You turned slowly, and your breath hitched. He was just the way you remembered him. Even more handsome, if possible. Clad in a sleek black tux, tall and dark and sexy, everything you had missed and dreamed of, and...

He was holding another woman’s hand.

"Bucky," Sam repeated, voice tense. Bucky could hear the underlying warning.

"It's been a while," he said stiffly, acting as neutral as he could. As if he hadn't spent months after their terrible break up being a shell of who he used to be, barely repaired even now. Bucky felt like any other venomous words from your mouth would shatter him again, but he had to take the chance. He had to talk to you, show you that he had moved on. He didn't care about you anymore, or how you so ruthlessly left him.

"Yes," you said weakly, smiling softly. God, he still thought that you looked beautiful, clad in a periwinkle blue dress, a thick coat draped around your shoulders. You were shivering, and Bucky resisted the urge to ask you what was wrong. Now that he was closer, he could see that didn’t look well at all. You had dark circles under your eyes and your collarbones were too prominent, your gaze devoid of any livelihood.

You glanced at Bucky’s fingers interlaced with a gorgeous blonde. You had seen her on the news before, you were pretty certain. Your smile forcibly stretched wider, blinking a few times, not knowing what to do with yourself.

"This is Sharon," Sam said, clearing his throat and exchanging introductions.

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Sharon said politely. She was gorgeous, you thought, watching as she sent Bucky a subtle, questioning glance.

Bucky was still staring at you, unmoving. You took the initiative first.

“Bucky, can we talk for a second?"

You could see the way he was trying to control himself by the way his lips stiffened, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. He gave a curt nod. He didn’t want to cause a scene in front of Sharon and the other hundreds of wedding guests.

“Let’s leave these two to catch up,” Sam said lightly, trying to hide his discomfort as he led Sharon away.

"So now you want to talk?" Bucky asked as soon as they were out of earshot, his voice sharp. You cringed, almost folding into yourself at Bucky’s hard stare.

"Yes," was all you managed to whisper, eyes darting to the ground to avoid meeting his glare. “Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

You turned and walked towards the exit of the ballroom, turning back to look at Bucky. He followed after a second, his jaw set like stone as you led the way to the empty lobby outside, away from the noise.

"It's been a while, Buck.” You voice was sad as you turned to face him again.

"Yes," he said, fighting an internal battle. He was so torn. Seeing you again made him want to wrap you up in his arms like he would've done two years ago, when you were still together. And feeling like that made Bucky angry. What right did you have to make him feel this way? Who gave you the right to mess with Bucky’s heart again after so long?

"How have you been?" You asked eventually after a painfully awkward silence.

He scoffed at that. "How have I been?" He repeated incredulously. He doubted you really wanted to hear about all those nights he spent in his apartment, refusing to talk to his friends, being a complete social introvert (more than he usually was) because he felt like he just couldn't live anymore. Not without you.

"Great. Fantastic," he said without a shred of sincerity.

You stared at him for the longest time, your lips pressed into a thin line. You looked so regretful that it made Bucky feel uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry," you said eventually, your voice wavering like you were struggling to breathe properly. "I'm so sorry for leaving you like that. We...we could have ended things better. You didn't deserve how I treated you."

You flinched when Bucky scoffed derisively. He dropped any remaining restraints he had previously put in place, letting all his feelings run free.

"Are you kidding me? Why? Why are you coming back here and apologizing after all this time?" He felt like he wanted to tear his hair out in frustration as he stared at you, making sure to keep his distance lest he found himself wanting to pull you closer. God, it was all so confusing. He despised you, and yet seeing you here in the flesh was everything he had ever wanted in the last few years.

He hated how you were making him feel.

"Look, it doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done," he spat through gritted teeth, all the while completely unaware of how your heart clenched painfully at Bucky’s scornful eyes. “Do you have any idea how unfair this is? You fucked up big time, disappeared off the face of the earth, then come back standing in front of me now asking how I am?”

“I know. You’re right, about everything. I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry.”

“No. You have no right to do this,” Bucky seethed. “You have no right to come back here and try to - what, settle your guilt? Make amends?”

You didn’t say anything, choosing to let him vent instead.

“I still remember the way you left. What you did. I will never forgive you for that. So don’t you dare stand in front of me today with all this bullshit and expect me to have something nice to say.”

"You really hate me, don't you?" You asked then, taking Bucky off guard. You lifted your head properly to stare at him, and the look in your eyes was unsettling.

"I hate you," Bucky confirmed unwaveringly, his voice hard. "I hate what you did to me and by extension, you."

You didn't respond. You bit your lower lip hard, trying desperately not to cry in front of him. Your heart hurt so much.

It was the worst feeling in the world, maybe, seeing the man you loved so dearly tell you that he hated you. It was excruciating, the clenching inside your chest as Bucky’s words rang in your head.

"I know my apologies will never be enough. I just wanted to see if you're happy now," you whispered.

"I'm happy," Bucky replied almost immediately. "I'm happy with Sharon. Does that bother you? Did you hope that I'd still be pining after you? I'm not that pathetic anymore." The barriers were broken, and the hurtful words were falling from Bucky’s mouth, two years worth of it.

“I never said you were pathetic,” you retorted, slightly indignant. “I’m glad that you’re happy.”

Bucky was breathing hard, unconvinced by your words.

“And how's the man you left me for?"

"He...it didn't work out," you shrugged, trying to keep your face as straight as possible.

"Good," Bucky said harshly. "Because you don't deserve happiness." If he wasn't so mad, he wouldn't say such irrational things. But he just wanted you to hurt. He wanted you to feel all the pain you caused.

Bucky pretended he didn't hear you gasp. He pretended that he didn't see your eyes gloss over at the sheer amount of hate in his voice.

"Okay," you said finally, your voice clearly shaking. "Okay," you repeated again, nodding your head. Bucky watched you take a step back, away from him.

“I -”

“I'm sorry, Bucky. Please take care," you interrupted, smiling sadly before you turned and walked away as quickly as possible.

That was not how you envisioned the reunion to go. All you wanted was to apologize, know that he was happy, so that you could go in peace.

But maybe that was the consequence of your decision. Maybe he was just always going to hate you for the rest of his life and remember you as someone awful.

You didn’t know that all Bucky wanted to do was run after you. Tell you to stop. He wanted to apologize and tell you how he didn’t mean a word of what he just said.

Rage and pride kept him shackled, and he watched your retreating back, feeling like a coward.

The last thing Bucky expected when he opened his apartment door a few days later was Sam’s dirty glare.

"You can be a mean son of a bitch, do you know that?”

"Hello to you too,” Bucky retorted.

“Why did you say all that stuff to her?” Sam asked, pushing his way past Bucky.

Bucky closed the door, knowing exactly who he was referring to.

"Why is this any of your business?"

"You acted like a dick!" Sam said furiously.

“Look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done something like that on your special day. But-”

“I want you to feel sorry to her.”

"She left me,” Bucky exclaimed. "You were there, Sam, you saw how fucked up she made me. She cheated on me! You want me to apologize to her?” His face was incredulous.

“You’re so fucking frustrating.”

“Oh, excuse me for not being the bigger person,” Bucky sneered. “But you don’t know how she made me feel, Sam, so don’t you dare try to give me a fucking lecture now.”

Sam was quiet for the longest time, looking exasperated. He stared up at the ceiling, sighing.

“Bucky, look man. She never cheated on you,” Sam said finally, an apologetic look in his eyes.

The apartment became filled with nothing but the sounds of Bucky’s heavy breathing.

“What are you talking about?” He spat, realizing now that Sam knew something he didn’t.

Sam let out a resigned sigh, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I promised her I wouldn’t tell you. But fuck it, man, cause I think this is messed up. She’s sick, Bucky," he said solemnly. "Like, really sick."

Two years ago

"It's cancer, Sam."

You physically couldn't cry anymore. You had done enough of that the day the doctor had told you, your eyes puffy and swollen. Funnily enough, the first person you had sought out wasn’t your boyfriend, but rather his best friend.

Bucky wasn’t even in town that weekend, and you really didn’t want to tell him over the phone. In fact, you never wanted to tell him. How do you tell the man you love that you're dying?

"You can get treatment, right?" Sam asked.

"I don't know. It’s not looking good. They're doing some sort of new clinical trial in England, but even that’s a long shot. I - I’m going to try, though.”

Sam sat up straighter. “And Bucky?”

"You can't tell him," you said firmly. You had thought about it all night, and you knew you couldn't let him know. You didn't want to put him through something like this. "My father had cancer too, Sam," you said softly. "He died in so much pain, he had so much treatment but it didn't help. He was throwing up all the time, having fevers, his body was so weak, and by the end he wasn’t the same anymore. I don't want him to see me like that."

“But-”

“No buts,” you said. You had given it enough thought already. You knew that you would have to be very, very lucky to make it through this - the end was essentially inevitable. There was no way you would make Bucky bear witness to you succumbing to this illness the same way you had to watch your father.

It was the worst time of your life. You had told Bucky about it in the past, as he had never had a chance to meet your father since he passed away years before you met Bucky. Knowing what you did, you would never inflict that same experience on him.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I have to leave him.” You had been preparing yourself for what you needed to do all night. "If I go, there's a chance I might not come back, you understand that, right?"

"Don't say things like that," Sam said forcefully, clenching your hand. "Just stop. Bucky will support you all the way, you know that!"

"That’s exactly why I have to go by myself. I can't be selfish, Sam. I want him to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted. I can’t make him drop everything to make me his number one priority. Looking after me will take time and constant care. If I go to England, he will abandon everything and come. Manhattan is his home.”

Sam looked anguished and you knew that he was disagreeing with everything you had just said, but you plowed on.

"It’s not just a matter of time and effort. If he stays, he will watch me die, and I don’t want him to do that.” You began to cry, and Sam hugged you, wishing he could say something comforting.

“It’s okay," you said through the tears, even though every fiber in your body was telling you the opposite. You had been repeating these words to yourself all night, as if you would believe it if you said it enough times. "It’ll be okay."

Maybe you were being stupid, but you didn't care. You knew Bucky loved you with his body and soul, as did you. But you weren’t going to let him suffer over your illness. You wouldn't let the person you cared most about in the world see you slowly deteriorate.

You had been witness to how your father was clearly in a depressive state, and yet tried his hardest to pretend to be happy and fine around other people. You didn’t know if you had the strength or bravery to even pretend.

You began distancing yourself. Stopped trying to make conversation with Bucky, until the long, endless, random talks you used to share diminished into curt sentences. You stopped waiting for Bucky to come home, simply pretending that you didn't care. You became more secretive, furtively hiding your calls with your doctor and your mother.

There was no other man. You loved him and only him, and had been nothing but faithful. You didn't know what hurt more: having to lie to Bucky or the fact that he so easily believed you would betray him like that.

In the end, you had really regretted fabricating a story of infidelity. You should have just gone your separate ways without making him think that you had been unfaithful. But at that time, you wanted to find a quick solution that would make Bucky voluntarily detach himself from you. It seemed like a wise decision, but you really, really wish you hadn’t let him believe that you didn’t love him. It was truly the worst feeling in the world.

It was all over in a few weeks. You packed your things and left, trying not to cry with every heavy step you took towards the door of your apartment. You knew you were making the best decision for them both, surely.

Time would heal Bucky, and he would be happy again one day.

It just couldn’t be with you.

Present day

"She just didn’t want to feel like a burden to you, man," Sam said, shaking his head. "Why did you have to say all those things to her at the wedding?"

Bucky could register nothing else after Sam finished explaining everything. He was in disbelief, though he knew that there was no way Sam would fabricate a story like that.

Now, he could only think of the way he had shouted at you. The way he told you how much he hated you. The way you had left.

"Where is she?" Bucky whispered.

"She’s leaving today," Sam said tersely. "She’s going back to England. She was real sick for a long time, and she recovered a few months ago, but the cancer came back.”

He slipped a hotel business card into Bucky’s hand. “This is the address she’s staying at," Sam said.

He grasped it like a lifeline, eyes unable to see Sam standing in front of him. His vision was completely filled with images of you.

"Go," Sam said forcefully. "Go and find her.”

The tears wouldn't stop falling.

You didn't know words could hurt so much. Sure, you had expected Bucky to hate you, but you weren’t prepared for the way every single word seemed to embed themselves into your skin like splinters into your heart.

They were once so happy. They were so perfect.

You hated yourself. Hated yourself for getting ill, for ruining what you had. The logic was irrational, but the self-hatred had become second nature.

You had spent the last few days holed up in your hotel. You had planned to use the time to see a few friends before returning to England, but you no longer had the heart.

You left your room that morning only because Wanda was furious that she missed you at the wedding, and you agreed to have coffee with her. She almost cried at the sight of you, but you put on a brave face, refusing to talk about Bucky. You begged her if you could just talk about happy topics and she eventually obliged, smiling sadly when you hugged each other goodbye.

“I’ll see you again, dear,” Wanda had said, and you hoped to God she was right.

As soon as you got inside your hotel room, you felt a switch click internally.

Everything hurt. You were tired, unhappy and you really didn’t know if you would ever make it out of this emotional blackhole. You felt so weak, like you would keel over at any given moment.

Cancer really was a bitch.

You kicked off your shoes and entered the bathroom. You lay down in the bathtub, fully clothed, turning the cold water on until you were almost completely submerged, wanting to numb all the pain inside your body and mind.

You eyes were red and swollen, and you couldn't remember crying so much since that day the doctor diagnosed you. Why was life so unfair? You wanted your old life back again. The life where Bucky didn't detest you, the one where he was happily and wonderfully in love with you.

You lay back, letting the water cover you completely. You closed your eyes, your hair gently swirling around your face. You opened your mouth and screamed, bubbles erupting to the surface.

Eventually you emerged, gasping and coughing, your tears hot in contrast to your frozen face. Your body wracked with sobs, shaking uncontrollably.

You sank back down into the water, your mouth opening once more to scream in uncontrollable rage. It was cathartic, your fists clenched into balls as you willed the feelings inside you to just - disappear.

When you opened your eyes beneath the water, you nearly gasped at the sight of a blurry, warped figure above you. You didn't have time to do anything when arms were suddenly encasing themselves around you, lifting you to the surface.

You spluttered and coughed, your ears assaulted by the voice that once whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

"- the fuck are you doing? Are you okay?"

Bucky.

You blinked past the water in your eyes, bewildered at the sight of him, kneeling beside the bathtub with his hands gripping your shoulders. His bright blue eyes were scared, wide open with concern.

You were startled at his sudden appearance, unable to say anything as he scooped you out, lifting you with ease. You were clearly in shock and scared.

You collapsed against him as he sat down on the bathroom floor with you in his arms.

"What were you doing?” Bucky was appalled as he pulled you close to him, watching how you continued to weep, blinking blearily at him. Your body was ice cold, every inch of you soaked.

He whipped a towel down from the railing beside you, wrapping it around your body as you shivered uncontrollably.

"Bu - Bucky?" You asked, as if you couldn't fathom why he was here. You were almost convinced you were hallucinating.

"Fuck, we need to get you out of these clothes," Bucky said, gritting his teeth as he tried not to cry. He had so much to say to you. He wanted you to know how sorry he was, how he didn't mean anything he said, but now wasn’t the time. He had to be strong for you.

You felt like a baby as Bucky removed your soaking wet garments until you were naked, then immediately swaddled you with more towels. He picked you up completely off the floor and took you out of the bathroom.

He chose to place you down on the edge of the bed, positioning himself to kneel down in front of you.

"Bucky," you whispered, voice thick, trying to pull away from him. “I think you should just leave me alone."

He stiffened. It scared him to hear you talk like this, to see you look at Bucky with such defeat in your eyes.

“No,” he said resolutely. “I'm here now, okay? I'm here, I'm not leaving, and I need you to be with me. I need you here, talking to me.”

"I can't. I can't do this anymore. Just go, please."

Bucky looked at you then. Really looked at you. The woman he loved and misunderstood for so long was now a trembling wreck in front of him, skin paper thin and trembling like a leaf. You looked so vulnerable and sad, and it made his heart twist.

Bucky suddenly held you tight against his chest, tucking his nose against the crook of your neck, and you didn't resist.

"Do you have any idea how much I hate myself? I hate myself for letting you go through this alone. I hate myself for telling you all those lies that night. I love you, I love you, I love you," Bucky said, wishing that you would see it.

“Don’t.”

“I wish you had told me. I would have helped you. You should have told me. I can’t believe you -”

You realized now that Sam must've told him the truth, and you sighed softly.

"I'm not good for you, Bucky," you whispered. "I will only ever hurt you, put you through more pain."

"I know everything now," Bucky said firmly. "No matter what happens, I will gladly endure it as long as it means we're no longer apart."

“Don’t be so stupid,” you said, anger tearing through your voice, though the tears were still falling. “I’m broken, Buck. I can’t give you a future. Please just find someone else - stay with Sharon.”

“Sharon?” If you hadn’t mentioned her name, Bucky would never have even thought about her. “No - we’re not serious, doll. She was never going to be the one.”

“No,” you insisted. “If not her, then fine, find someone else. Just not me.”

“Why aren’t you listening?” Bucky asked furiously. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. Please don’t do this. I need you." He was desperate to make you see, to make you understand. It was you or nothing. "You don’t know how awful the past few years have been. I don’t want to be apart from you, please.” He was prepared to grovel at your feet and beg.

He hated himself for how easily he gave up two years ago. This time, he was not letting you leave him.

His beautiful blue eyes pleaded with you, and you felt your barricades crumble. Your arms finally moved to wrap around him, and he felt a wave of relief as he encircled you in his arms. You had missed this, the feeling of Bucky holding you so tenderly.

You didn’t know if you were making the right choice, but you wanted to give in so badly and just let yourself be selfish and enjoy what time you could have together. And now that Bucky had you back by his side, he was definitely not going to let you go.

Even if they were in pieces, at least they were together. And Bucky was positive that they could put those pieces back into a whole, as long as you gave it a chance.

"You're so stupid," you said through your tears.

"I don't think so," Bucky said, managing the smallest smile. "Just stupidly in love with you."

You wanted to stay like this forever, entangled in each others arms. He pulled back slowly to study your face, and leaned in to press a gentle kiss against your lips. He kissed you again, deeper this time, breathing you in.

“You owe me two years of kisses,” he mumbled.

You laughed softly, but it soon died. First, you had a lot of talking to do. You used the following hour to tell him the details about your illness, why you had left, how sorry you were for treating Bucky the way you did when you broke up with him.

"You're so dumb," Bucky had said, sounding furious for a moment. "You had no right to decide something like that for me. You know I would support you.”

"I know, Buck," you had interrupted. "That's exactly why I had to leave. I didn't want you to see me die, okay?"

You had looked like you were about to cry again, so Bucky stopped scolding you immediately. He would never make you cry again, he swore.

"You're here now," he said, kissing your temple. "We're together now. Everything feels...right again."

You swallowed, biting your lip. "I told you, my cancer is back and -"

"You'll get better again," he said, refusing to look at you. You knew that tears were in his eyes. "You'll get better, okay?" His voice wavered slightly.

"It's worse this time, Bucky," you said. "Look at me. I'm practically withering away."

"You'll get better," he said, clenching his teeth.

You didn't say anything, just nestled against Bucky’s chest, relishing the way he wrapped his arms securely around your frame as if you would disappear at any moment.

Maybe he was right. Maybe by some miracle, with Bucky by your side, you would be able to give him all the time in the world.

"I'll try to stick around," you whispered.

[donotpush]

Daily vlog

CW: mpreg, sort of magic pregnancy, birth denial, car birth

"So..." Adam smiled, holding the camera over his head, to get his best angle. "Are we filming Baby #3 birth?"

Adam asked, turning to look at his wife, and at the camera again with another smile without waiting for Alissa’s reply.

His hand traveled to spank Alisa's tight, bare belly, leaving the mark of his palm over the sensitive skin and making her groan slightly. Adam nodded enthusiastically before talking to the camera again. "Of course we are! What do you think, huh? It's a tradition at this point, right, honey?"

Alisa took a deep breath, putting herself together before looking at the camera and giving her best smile. She had been up since 5 am this morning, with a crying baby hanging from her hip and a sick toddler throwing up all day long, and honestly, the last thing she wanted to do right now was to expose herself to the camera.

But Adam insisted. How could they let their followers down without a daily vlog today?

He couldn't, and he was gonna post that vlog. Of course, who wouldn't have the energy to produce, film, edit, and post a vlog when you wake up at 10 am and do exclusively nothing all day?

Alisa knew that it was their job, that the moment they signed up for the influencer life, their whole purpose (and not like she was complaining, there were moms out there that had real jobs and still had to deal with way worse than her) but she did expect some empathy from her husband.

She was about to pop, literally, this baby out. Everything was crazy, from her hormones to the altered routine in the house, but as always, Adam was blissfully unaware of the chaos that surrounded their lives right now.

“So, there you go” Adam winked at the camera, “Actually, our next blog will probably be Baby’s #3 birth, right honey?”

Yes, it was gonna be another birth vlog. This morning when she looked at herself in the mirror, Alissa realized that her stomach had dropped, tight and bloated past her hips, the taut skin stretching to its limits today seemed like it was about to burst.

So, yes, the next video on their channel Alissa was almost 100% sure it was gonna be a birth vlog.

“...maybe.”

She really wished that this time they could’ve done something a bit more… conventional. Private, away from all the cameras and views. With their last baby, Adam had the fucking camera in her face the whole process. From the moment she woke up to contractions to the moment she popped out the kid in the birthing tub. This time, she wasn’t in the mood for all that, no matter how many views it would give them.

Adam went on, ranting about something and talking about their sponsor they got earlier in the month, a really bad marketing job for a really bad product, but Alisa didn’t hear him because Ryatt was getting something she shouldn’t have inside her mouth. The blonde groaned as she clumsily tried to kneel down, reaching over her huge stomach to take the toy out of the baby’s sticky hand.

“Adam, help me here” she breathed, pointing to the baby with her hand.

Adam gave her a look, and outside of the camera frame, signaled her to wait. He talked about another one of their sponsors, said goodbye to their subscribers and their classic outro line (family always first, and y’all are family) to their subscribers, and just then walked over to help her after he turned the camera off.

“God, fuck…!” she groaned, holding onto her stomach as she struggled to stand up straight.

“Language” Adam raised an eyebrow, pointing at Ryatt with his head.

“Bullspit, I’m so darn over with this”, pointing to herself, Alisa looked down at her gravid stomach. “I’m so fucking done. I can’t wait to get this baby out of me and… And I told you I would prefer to keep his birth private, Adam”

The tone wasn’t stern or accusative, just done— deep down, Alisa knew her husband was going to do whatever he wanted anyway. Little choice she had.

“I know, I know…” Adam shrugged, his eyebrows raising and his mouth scrunching up.

He knew, of course, he did, but to be honest, he didn’t care enough. His wife was being dramatic as if she hadn’t gone over with this two times already. But he knew that he had to add something to fill the silence that followed, he always did have something to say.

“If I could, babe, I would carry our baby for you” he sighed dramatically, turning around and away from his wife. “Actually, I wish I could be pregnant instead of you right now, honey…”

His words were left hanging in the air as Adam disappeared into the hallway to the kitchen, ready to grab a beer and sit down on the couch to relax for a while before getting to edit.

Actually, I wish I could be pregnant instead of you right now.

Alisa stared at his back as he disappeared into the kitchen. His nice legs and his toned arms, his perfect back and she couldn’t see the six-pack, but it was there. Because Adam didn’t have to carry two kids, to gain weight and to lose weight, to lose his six-pack or to see his whole body change in a matter of months.

It wasn't him who had to endure the contractions, the labor, or the long hospital nights while waiting to be able to spread his legs open and push.

He didn’t wish he could be pregnant. Oh, but Alisa did.

***

Alisa made breakfast, did laundry, got through the morning with two kids under 5 and all while dealing with those awful cramps that kept interrupting her. They weren't contractions, she knew those pretty well, but they were the foreword of a long story.

Adam? He edited their latest video and went to take a nap on the couch.

Without opening his eyes, Adam let out a small groan and tilted his head to hide his face against one of the cushions. Something had interrupted his sleep, but he didn’t hear Ryatt's cries or Bobby playing loudly somewhere in the house, nor his wife complaining about something.

So he did what everyone would do, he didn’t even bother fully opening his eyes and tried to go fall back into a deep slumber.

But something was off. His head was feeling dizzy and his whole body was… acting funny. An overall feeling of being sick, something he ate, probably.

He shifted, moving his hips to turn to his side, and he frowned when he felt something in his stomach move. With a groan, the hand that rested between his thighs slid off from there to move to his abs, rubbing the soft spot trying to ease whatever was grumbling inside his tummy.

Soft, a bit harder if he pressed down. But it didn’t have to be soft, he hit the gym 6 days a week and had washboard abs, he was the envy of all the suburban dads in their neighborhood. Suddenly, his stomach fussed again, and this time it came accompanied by a cold free of air brushing against his skin, making him shiver.

Half asleep, fighting to pull a strand of consciousness and get himself up fully, Adam’s features turned into a confused grimace as his mind finished coming back to this reality. When he finally opened his blue eyes, covering his face with his hands to dismiss the headache that the sunlight from the windows gave him, he immediately knew something wasn’t right.

His free hand was still rubbing over his stomach, and it was still… It was round. Round and firm, the protuberance that rested under the palm of his hand.

“What…?” Adam mumbled, confusion slowly taking over his sleepiness and pulling him back to reality.

He was wide awake now, his body and mind alert. When he looked down at himself, the scream of horror that left his lips almost deafened him, leaving his eardrums ringing loudly and his heart hammering against his chest.

It felt cold. The cold breeze brushing against his skin because his white shirt was now all lifted over to his chest, exposing his warm skin to the air. His shirt was lifted because where it was supposed to be a flat, toned stomach, now there was a fat, round belly, nothing like what he had ever seen before.

He must have eaten something bad, something that made him bloat and just feel weird overall, but bloat like this?

In front of him, his stomach wasn't just bloated, it felt tight and hot at the touch and the skin was itchy, stretched to the limit in what seemed to be the few hours he was asleep. His abs were gone, and now a gravid mount of flesh sat there, huge and tender.

From confusion, Adam's mind raced to fear, because there was no logical or reasonable explanation to any of this. If it was something he ate, then it was something that made him terribly wrong and he probably should head to the doctor ASAP.

But, deep down, Adam knew it wasn't something he ate. Under a thinning layer of denial, he knew.

His chest wrenched with his agitated breaths, and Adam tried to lift himself up from the couch. He failed, not used to the weight that he carried now on his middle (God, he was heavier now) and the only thing he could do was to lay there for a few seconds, staring down.

At his belly.

He felt like he needed to puke when unexpectedly something inside him squirmed.

He closed his eyes tightly to avoid nausea rising up in his throat, and the deprivation of one of his senses seemed to whip up the other ones. He could feel how hot the skin that covered his now rounded stomach was, how hot his body was, how heavy he felt and how something was squirming inside him.

His left hand moved over his stomach, right under his left rib, and he swallowed. As soon as his hand pressed down against the tense flesh, another tiny hand pressed back from the inside.

"Fuck, fuck fuck..." gripping at the couch's back, a loud moan escaped from his lips as he curled his fingers around the fabric above the couch, holding onto it desperately, lifting himself up.

It was, to say at least, weird to carry himself around now. The few seconds that he ran, well, more like waddled, towards the bathroom were something. So this was what it was like?

The image in the mirror proved what Adam already knew.

I wish I could be pregnant.

He stared at his reflection, turning to the side to let his eyes travel from the top of his head to his middle, then turned to his other side and to the front again. His hand moved to rest on top of his stomach as if he needed another confirmation that it was there and it was real.

He thought about it for a moment, before he pinched the tight skin of his belly. He hoped he would wake up, there was a small part of him that still hoped this was just a bad dream and his mind was doing some crazy tricks while his real body was still asleep on the couch. But he was awake.

The waistband of his sweatpants moved down a centimeter. He looked down, his eyes wide open as he witnessed right in front of him how his stomach swelled, the skin extended and shifting as his stomach grew in size.

***

The front door opened, and Bobby rushed in, throwing his frog backpack next to the door before Alisa followed him with Ryatt clinging to her hip. Adam made his way to her as quickly as he could.

“Oh! Mommy, look!” Bobby shouted as soon as he saw him, his little finger pointing to Adam’s gravid stomach. “Daddy has Little brother now! Look!”

But Adam couldn't even stop to look at him, because he could only focus on the fact that where Alisa was supposed to have a nine-month overdue belly, there was just a flat stomach. Fuck.

They stood in front of each other, Alisa looked at him, then down at his belly, and then up at him again.

“Well, I guess wishes do come true, honey!” The tone was so cheerful that it made Adam’s blood boil.

Probably…his hormones messing with him? As if that was the least of his problems. A cramp took over him, painful enough to bring a frown to his face and make him rub the side of his belly.

“We need to go to the hospital!”

“Why the rush?”

A dark spot started to spread all over Adam’s grey sweatpants as a gush of amniotic fluid came out of him.

“My…your…my water just broke!”

“You need to change, and we need to take the kids to my mom’s house…”

“Why are you so calm?”

“Relax, honey” she sighed “I have done this two times already! It’s gonna be just fine. You have to change, go get the hospital bag, oh, and of course get the camera!”

“We are not… fuck… filming this” he breathed, gripping the table next to him when another sharp pain took over him.

“What do you mean?” Alisa frowned as she picked up Bobby's backpack again “It's a tradition at this point. Of course, we're filming. It’s going to be a hit.”

Besides the fact that all of this escaped all logic and reason, there was a tangible reality. Something that was happening right here, right now, and it was the fact that Adam was in labor. Didn't matter how much he tried to deny what was going on, to say he was still dreaming, because the pains that were shooting through his middle, contracting the muscles and making him whine felt very real and were happening, quicker and faster every minute.

He took a deep breath, moving his hand under his belly to lift it slightly, hoping to ease the pain or the pressure that was starting to build up on his hips, but it didn’t work. He wasn't sure how much time he had before it got actually serious, but he did know that after his water broke, it was little.

**

“Turn that off…” Adam titled the camera that rested on the car seat cup holder away, his free hand flying to wipe sweat from his forehead. “Oh, fuck…”

Alisa tilted the camera back to its original position. Her husband shifted on the passenger's seats, his both hands now busy rubbing the contracting bump that rested between his open thighs.

Well, at least now he knew that contractions were more painful than a kick in the balls.

“Oh, oh, ah!” He cried out, his body tightening up, and a low groan leaving him as he leaned forward pressing his palms against the dashboard and panting heavily. “Fuck, I need you to… ugh… I need you to drive faster, honey.”

“Babe, I’m going as fast as I can,” Alisa replied, looking at him through the corner of her eye. “Just breathe, okay?”

Looking outside the window, Adam tried to find a distraction. Anything, really, that made him not think about the increasing pressure that was building between his legs and about how low the baby was.

He shifted in his seat, his hips swinging back and front trying to find a spot that didn't make him feel so miserable. Placing a hand on the side of the seat and another on the grab handle, Adam leaned forward and spread his legs as another loud grunt escaped his lips, his eyes closing tight and his breath picking up again when another tight contraction hit him.

He tried breathing, in and out just as he would tell Alisa to do, but it wasn’t doing shit.

The heavy weight on his hips and pelvis was getting closer and closer to coming out. Adam didn’t want it to come out. At least not here, in the fucking car in the middle of the road.

“We’re five minutes away from the hospital” Alisa reassured, her hand patting his tense thigh. “Just breathe”

“I don’t… ughn, fuck! I don’t know if I can… oh… hold it in that much longer” Adam panted, moving to unclasp the seatbelt that now pressed uncomfortably against his stomach. “Fuck, there’s pressure. It feels like… I have to push!”

“How do you even know that you have to push?” Stopping at a red light, Alissa raised both eyebrows before tilting to face him.

“Because it’s coming out!” Adam cried, moving back on his seat to prop up both feet against the dashboard, throwing his head back as he moaned.

“Just breathe. We’re almost there”

Just breathe. We’re almost there. The words were an echo, and Adam was sure that he said those exact phrases before, before the births of their two kids, in this exact same car. But he didn’t realize how useless, how annoying having someone repeating just calm down was.

God, fuck, he wondered how Alissa didn’t just slap him those times. If anyone was going to tell him to calm the fuck down again, he was going to kill someone.

His murder instincts were quickly dismissed when he closed his eyes, his hands moving to slide under his belly and lifting it slightly, as if it could help to ease the pressure on his pelvis. With a cry, he shifted forward, now moving his hands to slide under his thighs, lifting his hips from the car seat.

It was coming. Now. And out.

He could feel his own body pushing against his wishes, and the more he tried to avoid it, the worse it was, the baby helpless making its way down his pelvis and towards his hole. It felt as if at the first bump Alisa hit on the road the baby would just pop out of him.

He didn’t notice when he pushed back in the seat, breathing heavily through his nose as he pressed himself down against the seat, trying to prevent anything from coming out.

But it was useless because his commitment lasted little when his brain was overwhelmed by the urge to just allow his body to do what it had to do. To push.

The baby’s head was right there. Adam’s hand slid between his legs, the palm of his hand pressing against his bulging hole, the head sitting behind his entrance and almost ready to start crowning. Almost out of him.

“…fuck!” he writhed, gritting his teeth as he kicked against the car floor. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

The fingers of his free hand gripped at the grab handle, knuckles turning white, and his other hand was busy pressing against his hole, trying to keep the head from coming any further. It was useless because the head was still pushing its way down, out of him on its own.

He could feel the bulge against his palm, growing ever so slowly as Alissa pressed her foot on the pedals. Adam threw his head back, closing his eyes shut and trying to focus on his breath. The same advice he always gave: breathe.

His chest rose slowly as he inhaled, then shakily exhaled through his closed lips. It should be fine, he just had to breathe —in and out and counting to five— focus on remaining calm, and he could just make it to the hospital. They were just a few minutes away, all he had to do was… push.

“Oh, fuck, it’s coming!” he screamed, kicking his feet in the air, his hips shifting forwards and to the seat edge. “Honey, Alissa, it’s right there”

Alissa tilted her head, looking away from the road for a brief moment to face her husband. She found herself contemplating an image that, deep down in her stomach, in a very hidden spot and a very small dose, made her happy: she got exactly what she wanted. Her husband going through all of the wonderful miracles of birth.

Adam panted, the tense orb his stomach had become contracting and tensing in front of him, his hands gripping at the taunt red skin, furiously trying to relieve the pain or the pressure, his body almost shaking by the urge of pushing the baby that was starting to crown. His face was red and sweaty, hands and all of his body straining and tense.

Alissa, rightfully, stopped at a red light, a bunch of cars passing in front of them.

“Don’t stop, fuck, it’s…!” Adam shouted, but then his words became a muffled groan as he gritted his teeth, pushing his chin to his chest. “I can’t hold it in, I’m pushing!”

Even against his wishes, his body was pushing. Adam found himself trying to hold the baby in, to not give in to the urge, but his body was pushing. His stomach contracted and he found himself tensing, chin to chest, and gripping at the grab handle as he pushed. He counted to three and pushed again when another cramp took over him.

“Fuck!” he shouted, feeling the head stretching him open, making its way out. Adam reached with a free hand to press his hand over his wet, birth-fluid-stained shorts, only to feel the start of a bulge in his pants.

The pressure of the head right about to crown was hell. It only made him want to push to get over it, to push more to get the head to a full crown and get rid of the uncomfortable feeling, but god fuck he didn’t want to give birth to this baby in the car.

“It’s crowning, the head’s-... nhgn, what am I supposed to do!?” it was more a whimper than a question, and Adam found himself kicking in the air, biting his lower lips until he almost drew blood. “Shit, shit, shit…! Ughn!”

“I don’t know!” Alissa stepped on the gas and accelerated. “Don’t push! Just… wait! We’re almost there, just five minutes away from the hospital.”

Adam nodded, then shook his head, both hands moving to cup the underside of his belly, trying to relieve the pressure that was weighing him down. It didn’t work, and he found himself trying to contain a moan when another contraction rippled through his body, a gush of amniotic fluid rushing from between his legs and dripping to the car floor.

His hips jerked frantically as he rocked forth and back slightly, trying to find any angle that was comfortable for him to keep this baby in, but it was terribly useless because, with every movement of his body, the baby's head seemed to come closer and closer to a full crown.

“Ughn…!” he moaned, his fingers gracelessly trying to slide under the hem of his pants in order to pull them down. The baby was coming. “Fuck, it’s coming, I’m pushing….!”

His finger’s ministrations were interrupted when he interrupted when another contraction took over him, all of his focus on pushing. He gripped the sides of his belly, leaving white marks on the red skin, as he closed his eyes and whimpered.

“Oh, oh– it’s out, the head’s out!”

It wasn’t necessary for him to say it out loud because Alissa’s attention was dangerously divided between looking at the road and staring down between her husband's legs. His pants were dark and wet, stained by amniotic fluid, and the baby’s head bulged out of them almost obscenely -–god, it was huge—, only contained from coming further by the fabric of the pants.

“Fuck— I need to push, I need to push, I’m pushing!” he moaned, throwing his head back against the car seat and jerking his hips forward, his hands desperately trying to undo his shorts. “Ughn…the…mhgm…pants! Help me!”

“I can’t, hands at 9 and 3!”

With a loud whimper, Adam finally managed to pull his shorts down enough to allow the baby’s head to pop out of him free, a gush of fluid dampening his seat as the head dangled between his legs. His body shook at the feeling of the head stretching him open on its biggest point, and then the relief when it was finally out. Alissa stared in horror as her husband held the baby’s head in hand with one hand between his legs.

Alissa reached a hand to help Adam slide his pants down more, his body contorting as he pulled forward, pushing his hips towards the free space of whatever was left in the car. Now with his pants to his ankles, his body tensed once again, and he squirmed on his seat as he focused on the next contraction that rippled through his body.

“...fuck, nhgn!” his face became red as his feet kicked the car floor, kicking and screaming as he pushed. “Nhgn!”

With his next push, the baby’s body almost came shooting out of him. He screamed in pain as he felt the body coming out of him, the shoulders being even worse than the head. But before he could realize, it was over. A second later he heard a heavy cry, and the newborn resting against his chest.

His body slumped against the seat. He looked outside the windows, seeing the well known entrance of the hospital as Alissa parked the car, parking it at the nearest spot available. Before unclasping her seatbelt, Alissa reached to grab the videocamera. Adam stared at it before he spoke.

"You filmed it, right?”

[logansargeantsbabymom]

Wide Awake

Lewis Hamilton x Fem!Wolff!Reader

Warnings: Cursing, Self-Doubt, age-gap (reader is 22), slight smut (just fingering) , oh and slight orgasm denial.

(SOFIA IS A RANDOM GIRL I MADE UP!)

A/N: This was supposed to just be a one off thing but I kept writing and writing and I'm 99% sure that no one wants to read a 25k worded chapter only for it to BARELY get to the whole point/plot of the fic. so there's going to be another chapter (3 at max)

(Also I promise Too Good To Say Goodbye 7 is coming but I was hyper fixated on trying to finish this which isn't happening ) 🫶🏽😊

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

instagram

My dad’s always warned me about getting involved with the drivers. He told me that they’re all too young, naive and that all they’ll be good for is breaking my heart. For the longest time, I believed him. I’ve seen the way some of these young drivers were with girls.

Max cheating on Sofia with Kelly, Lando talking to 3 girls at once and George, well George hasn’t done anything. Point is, I’ve seen how they are and I don’t want to get with one of the young drivers only to have my heart ripped out. AGAIN.

I secretly dated one of the hottest drivers, Charles Leclerc for about 2 months. All was going well we were happy, we had secret dates and maybe I thought he was the one.

That was until one day In Monaco when I showed up to the paddock for Free Practice 1 & 2 I saw him hand-in-hand with Alexandra Saint Mleux. When I saw them together and I realized everything she had that I didn’t. She was at taller than me, skinnier, gorgeous, had flawless skin and had a modeling career. In other words, she was a goddess.

Seeing them together broke my heart and all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and sob, but I couldn’t. My dad warned me about the young drivers but I still went behind his back and did the exact opposite of what he told me not to do. I deserved this.

I had made a beeline for the Mercedes garage just to get out of the public eye but I was so focused on getting as far away from Charles and Alexandra as possible that I hadn’t noticed I was running straight into someone.

I hit this person's body with such force I almost went flying back and I reached my hands out in front of me to try and grab anything for stability and at the same time I felt two hands on either sides of my waist trying to balance me.

I was feeling so many different emotions right now I couldn't even think straight, clearly. I was so angry at Charles for cheating on me even if weren’t technically even dating, sadness because I actually thought Charles was actually capable of loving me, and full fledged embarrassment because I just ran full on into someone thinking about how Charles just ruined my life. And my makeup.

I looked up to face the person I just ran into and tried to profusely apologize for my actions, but when I looked up tho I was met with the most gorgeous brown eyes I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I wanted to stare into his eyes forever but in the half a second it took me to look up I also realized who it was that I ran into.

The 7x WDC Lewis Hamilton.

Even more embarrassment coated my face as I realized that not only did I just bump into someone while trying so hard not to have a mental breakdown but I ran into the Lewis Hamilton, my dad's best and most loved driver. “Oh my gosh Lewis, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was going and I really didn’t mean to run into you. Please don’t tell my dad” Honestly, it sounded pathetic. ‘Don’t tell my dad’? what are you, 12?

I stared at him in silence for about all of 2 seconds which felt like an eternity until I saw his lips curled up into a smile and heard a small chuckle come from him. “I won’t tell your dad, cross my heart” Lewis said while making an ‘X’ motion over his chest “Who are you running from? I feel like maybe I'm obligated to know since you ran right into me trying to avoid them?”

My face fell in shock. How did he know I was trying to avoid someone? I mean it wasn't rocket science, if I saw a random girl running to an isolated area with tears streaming down her face, I too am going to assume she's avoiding someone. “I- Uh, Well. See”

“It’s okay, Y/N/N, I’m not going to tell anyone. You also don’t have to tell me if you don't want to but I’m willing to help you avoid them if you do.” Lewis said as he placed a hand on my cheek.

I’ve always found comfort in Lewis’ touch. Actually, I’ve always felt comfort whenever I was in the same room as Lewis. Something about his Aura screamed ‘You’re safe with me’

As much as I wanted to, I knew there was no point in lying because one thing about Lewis is that could read people like a book. Including me. With a long, loud and dramatic dragged out sigh I reluctantly told him the truth.

“I was seeing Charles behind my father’s back for about 2 months, everything was going well and I actually kinda thought he was my person but I just now saw him hand-in-hand and all cuddly with Alexandra.” Tears sprung in my eyes and threatened to fall as I recounted what I saw a few minutes prior to Lewis.

He had a sympathetic look in his face and I could tell he genuinely felt bad for me. The hand Lewis once briefly had on my face had moved down to grab my hand before he whispered, "How about this: Tomorrow we wear almost matching outfits and we come back here also hand-in-hand. We'd be together all day and we'll be cuddly too. You know, just to make Charles jealous and regret cheating on you."

Lewis was always putting people's well-being ahead of his and it made a shy smile creep onto my face. As much as I want to, maybe I shouldn't read too much into this though, he's probably just being nice to me to stay in my father's good graces.

"Lewis," I whispered as I placed my hand on his cheek "You don't have to be nice to me because I'm your boss's daughter"

he looked a bit hurt by my accusations. "Is that why you think I'm doing this?" his hand squeezed mine a little tighter.

"Why else would you, Lewis?" his hands came up to cup my face forcing me to look at him.

"Because Y/N/N, I-" he paused, almost like he was trying to find the right words to use. "I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world. I've seen you sneaking around with Charles and it took so much in me not to go over there and tear you away from him, to show him that you're mine. I know I'm older than you but I'm wiser and I'll treat you better than he can." My jaw dropped, there's no way that Lewis Hamilton, a 7x WDC is head over heels in love with me, right?

"Lew, I-" a voice interrupted me, turning my body into stone and my blood into ice.

"Y/N!" I knew that voice anywhere and if he saw the moment that me and Lewis just shared, we were both dead.

"Dad! Hi!" I tried to sound enthusiastic but I was so flushed from Lewis' confession.

"My baby," His hands cupped my face inspecting the red all over "Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, I'm just hot. You know how the sun is in Monaco." I said with a shrug, trying to change the subject

"Oh you have to go in the AC! Lewis," my dad turned to face Lewis who was already facing in our direction

"Yes, Toto?" he said as he cocked his brow.

"I need you to take my darling girl inside. She has a condition where she can't sweat which causes her to overheat and pass out. I am too busy with this race and getting everything perfect to be worrying about my daughter having a heat stroke."

"Oh, jeez, thanks dad. Just send Lewis to do everything for you" I said in a playful tone

"Of course Toto, I'll take her in right now." Lewis said as he walked over to me and linked his arms with mine.

Lewis started guiding me through the garage and to his driver's room where he opened the door and gestured me in. Once inside he closed the door before facing me with unsure eyes.

"What's wrong Lew?" I said as I cautiously walked over to him.

"What were you going to say before Toto cut you off?" his voice so low, I almost didn't hear what he said.

"I was going to say," I stopped right in front of him, our chests were touching. We were so close I could feel his breath against my skin. "I think that you have to prove what you said about treating me better than how Charles did."

Lewis grabbed my face and pulled me into a searing kiss, our tongues fought for dominance but his won. Lewis picked me up and sat on his couch with me on his lap so I was straddling him all without breaking the kiss.

His hands found their rightful place on my hips and applied pressure forcing my hips down as I rocked my hips to apply more force against his hardening cock.

"Mmm, you taste so good. I can only imagine how much better you taste when I'm eating your pussy." Lewis mumbled against my lips as his hands went just a little bit lower to stop at the elastic of my leggings. I guided Lewis' hands under the fabric to release some of the tension building in my core.

He understood what I needed and quickly started to run his middle finger up and down my fold, collecting all my juices before inserting it in my pussy. Lewis slowly moved his finger in and out of my hole while using his thumb to rub circles on my clit. His movements were slow and sensual bringing me closer and closer to my orgasm. I started rocking my hips into his palm to add more friction to my core and to chase my orgasm which I really needed right now. I was just about to go over the edge until a knock at the door quickly halted both of our movements and caused Lewis to yank his hand out of me leaving me without finishing.

"Mate, FP2 starts in 15. They need us by our cars now" The voice of George could be heard from he other side of the door.

“Oh fuck me” I grunted as I pulled myself off of Lewis’ lap

“Trust me, I was planning on it” He said with a smirk on his face as his hand came to rest on my ass before giving it a smack.

Lewis poked his head out of the door to make sure no one would see us leave, after the all clear we quickly rushed out of his room, both of us going in opposite directions as to not get caught.

————

The next day I heard a knock at my hotel door at the early hours of 6:00am. With a grunt I pulled myself out of the comfort of my warm and cozy bed and made my way to the door. Whoever was interrupting my beauty sleep was going to get a mouthful, I’ll tell you that.

“Do you know what time it is?!” I whisper yelled as I opened the door, not even bothering to look through the peephole to see who I would be yelling at. And boy do I really wish I did look because I was met with the tall, beautiful, muscular frame of Lewis Hamilton.

“Woah honey, I told you we were going to the paddock together. We need matching outfits” Lewis said while looking at me up and down "Do you by any chance have a matching Tommy Hilfiger set?"

"No?" I said, a little nervous

"Perfect, I bought you one that matches mine so put this on" Lewis said as he handed me a bag of 4 different sets.

"Lewis, there's four sets in here. Which am I wearing?" I said I let him in my room and watched as he took a seat on my bed right were I was once peacefully sleeping.

"Wear whichever one you want and I'll match it. I didn't know which of those four you'd like so I bought them all." My heart fluttered a bit at his confession.

--------

When Lewis and I pulled up to the race and got out of the car, we walked to the entrance hand-in-hand.

Charles and Alexandra were the first people to spot us and I took notice on how Charles dropped Alexandra's hand. When I saw that I squeezed Lewis' hand and leaned into him to tell him

"Lew, it's working. He dropped Alexandra's hand" I said with a smirk on my face.

"Wanna give them a show?" I cocked my brow at what he was suggesting but reluctantly nodded my head.

Without thinking twice, Lewis pulled me into a kiss, his hand finding their place to rest on my ass while mine traveled to the back of his neck to pull him deeper into the kiss.

I heard a strings of words which I'm assuming were curse words before I heard faint shuffles of feet echoing away from where me and Lewis were stood. Faint footsteps weren't the only thing we heard because next thing you know we heard clicks of camera shutters.

I pulled away from him with a horrified look on my face.

"Lewis! My dad might see those!" I don't think I was ever more scared in my life than I was in that moment. My dad can't know that I'm sneaking behind his back with Lewis. Well technically this is the second day of this 'sneaking around' but still, he doesn't know."

"Do you want to be with me Y/N/N?" He said dead serious while interlocking our hands

"Yes"

"So you shouldn't care about the pictures and your dad's opinion. Not everyone is going to accept our relationship but that doesn't matter because this relationship is between us. Not them"

"I need FP3 and Qualifying to end ASAP because I so badly want to suck your cock."

“I’m holding you to that” Lewis said as he swatted my ass. Surely the press people got photos of that and when those get out. I’m gonna have a fun conversation with my dad

It took us about 15 minutes to get the Mercedes Hospitality area because of all the fans asking for pictures, Press asking questions and other drivers asking what Lewis thinks he’s doing going out with me.

I almost took offense to that but quickly realized that they didn’t mean it in a rude way but more as a ‘you better be careful because if you break her heart, Toto will never resign you to Mercedes’ type of way.

When we entered, we were met with the angry eyes of my father.

“Lewis.” He said stern, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose “what are you doing with my daughter?!”

“Sir,” Lewis started but my dad cut him off

“Y/N/N, I told you not to go off with the drivers!” His voice raised, not too loud to be classified as yelling but a couple octaves louder than how it was before

“Actually, you said no messing around with the younger drivers. Lewis is older and more wise” I said as I grasped Lewis’ hand tighter.

“What are your intentions with my daughter?”

“Well sir, I intend to give your daughter the best life I can give her, I want to take her everywhere with me, I want to spoil her, I want to have her move in with me, I want to be her husband and I want her to be the mother of my kids.” Lewis squeezed my hand as he said that last sentence.

I never thought about being a mother, I never felt like it was an obligation of mine. I never thought that I wanted kids but hearing Lewis admit to my dad that he wanted me to be the mother of his kids sparked something in me. Lewis made me realize that deep down, I longed to be a mom and now I wasn’t going to be happy if I wasn’t.

“I will kill you if you break her heart.” My dad stated as he stared in Lewis’ eyes as if to try and intimidate him.

—————

It's not the best but I promise the plot is to die for!

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[palajae]

on my mind.

PAIRING... skater!niki x skater!reader | GENRE… figure skating! au, romance, angst, fluff, unconditional love.? | WC... 0.6k | “please, let me know what’s wrong.”

you don’t care that niki spends a lot more time with his girlfriend. 

you don’t care that all of your fans are in denial and still ship the two of you together. 

you don’t care that haerin posts even more of her and niki online in response to said fans. 

what you do care about is the change. the change in your practices, your dynamic, your relationship with niki. 

you can’t just hug him whenever you want. you can’t borrow any of his clothes when you forget your own. you can’t be truly yourself around him anymore, constantly holding yourself back. 

you knew your relationship wasn’t exactly normal, but it worked. it’s what gave you guys years of success and what you thought would last. 

but you miss his playful pranks, his sweet hugs, and most of all, the look of pure affection in his eyes. it’s not that he wouldn’t, that he didn’t want to. niki would do anything you asked in a heartbeat. but you knew with his girlfriend and being in a relationship, it couldn’t be the same. 

you missed your friend. both on and off the ice.

so much to the point where you actually stalked the two of you online. for the first time, you let outside influence get to you. 

you were surprised by the amount of support for the two of you (and the most random ship names and edits).

all the photos, videos of your performances, and the old comments niki used to post on your posted photos— always borderline romantic but something you two always brushed off as platonic—it all came back. 

if you didn’t know any better, you’d think the two of you were madly in love as well.

but you did. and the two of you probably never would be. 

so you call it a day and make a promise to never look up your name with his again. 

you surely kept that promise, until the next morning pre-practice you couldn’t help but see your phone blow up. 

all the links and posts people were tagging you in didn’t help. 

even worse was seeing articles online stating that nishimura riki was reportedly leaving you to partner up with his current girlfriend, kang haerin. 

your coach greets you with a smile, clapping her hands. “let’s get to work! where’s niki?”

you shrug, right as you hear scuffling onto the ice. 

“sorry i’m late,” niki’s breathless voice makes you swallow. “lost track of the time.” 

you (clearly) already knew what he was doing and who he was with. 

still, you avoid his gaze. during warm up you barely speak to him, and of course he notes it. 

after an awkward and silent practice, your coach leaves the two of you alone. almost like she knew there was something going on with the tension between you. 

after every performance—most practices even—niki would hug you and press a kiss to your temple. it was a habit, a good luck charm and a warm goodbye until the next day. 

but this time you start to leave before he even gets the chance to. niki catches up to you, taking your hand. 

“hey, what’s going on?” you dislike how concerned he sounds.

“i don’t know, shouldn’t you know?” you coolly respond to your partner. 

“i don’t. could you please tell me dear?”

you ignore him—his term of affection was not going to work on you this time.

niki was so stubborn. and so were you. ever since the first day you guys were assigned partners and were obviously not happy, he was stubborn. it took a long time to get the both of you to warm up to each other. 

so he takes your other hand, grip tight so you’re forced to face him. 

he calls out your name. “please, let me know what’s wrong.” 

you sigh. why was seeing him everyday, always having to act like this, so tiring now? 

you let go of his hands, looking down at the ice as your blade scrapes up bits and pieces.

“niki, we need to talk.”

a/n ▸ i did not expect this much love and support on this miniseries so thank you guys 😭😭insert are you ready for this in wendy’s voice during zimzalabim intro

part 2/4 | previous. | next.

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[ashthemadwriter-archived]

"Either I'm insane or you were just masturbating in our living room"

"Open your mouth for me baby"

"Do you know what happens when you misbehave?"

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairing: Fyodor X Fem!Reader

Request: "HIIII I'm here for your September event ! God, I hope it's not too late and you'll take my request (and I hope you're having a good day). So I'll like 17, 1 and 5 with Fyodor. If it is possible a Fyodor... Not very nice, you know, a little psycho. OK it's weird, I hope you will accept T-T Have à great day !!" ◜By dear @concombre-2-mer ◞

Genre: Smut

Format: Fic

Warnings: Explicit smut, Porn with a plot, Orgasm denial, Yandere themes, Toxic relationship, Mean dom!Fyodor, Sub!Reader, French!Reader(Just pretend that you're French if you aren't lol), Lovesick!Reader,Heavy degrading, Praising, Slapping, Choking, Spitting, Dacryphilia, Fingering, Vaginal penetration, Pet names(Dear, Darling, etc), Name calling(Slut, whore, etc), Dirty talk, MDNI, Dark content dead dove do not eat

Word Count: 4.4K (I KNOW)

A/n: Ahhhh this took so long I am very, very sorry. Also, I hope I reach your expectations lol.

Fyodor Dostoevsky, a complicated, brilliant, dangerous man, with so many plans in his head.

You met him at a ball where your dad, the most powerful senator of France, was the host, and he was one of the VIP guests. The second your eyes caught a glimpse of the raven-haired man, your heart missed a beat. It wasn't just about his looks- although you could never overlook how attractive he was. It was the way he calmly witnessed everything and talked in a nice but also careful manner, or perhaps how he smiled elegantly while looking at other people blabbering, like he knew all their intentions inside out- which you found out later that he actually did; nothing can escape this mans sharp eyes.

Whatever the reason was, he had you fascinated by him from the very beginning.

You made the not-so-wise decision to approach him and start a casual conversation, which only made you more curious about this mysterious, fetching man. Your discussion that was supposed to be a short chit-chat lasted for hours, but it couldn't be any other way. You had the same interest, the same likes, the same taste in literature; it was nice having someone who understood what you were talking about and didn't look at their clock every ten seconds as company; nice, and rare.

When the party was over and Fyodor walked you to your room as the gentleman he was, he couldn't miss the hints of lust in your eyes, and how you were looking at him so desirably, hoping he would step inside the bedroom and spend the night with you; but all you got was a kiss goodbye on your cheek and a formal farewell.

That night you couldn't sleep. Between all the tossing and turnings, you thought about the ball. How you found the perfect guy, spent the whole event with him while others were laughing and drinking at the buffet, and how you got rejected in the end. Maybe he was just playing with you after all; just to get information about your father and to take advantage of you, like everybody else had done. He was never interested in you in the first place.

You were wrong.

Not about the information part. He did got the information he wanted through his intellectual methods and you carelessly gave it all away; but for the first time in his life, Fyodor found himself curious about someone, for reasons that weren't involved with his work. He didn't care about your father and his political status anymore, he wanted to know about you; which explained why your phone was ringing with an unknown number showing up on the screen the day after the event.

He asked you to give him a tour around the city and to accept his invitation to a lovely dinner as a thank you gift, and you accepted without giving it a second thought.

Nothing happened that night either.

You were frustrated. Everything was going great, he even smiled at your funny remarks a few times- actually, he was smiling the whole time, examining your expressions with a vague look on his face. But the second you arrived at your home, he was gone again, rejecting your offer to come inside for "a cup of coffee".

Who was this man? Why did he kept doing this? He was not someone you could read his mind easily, you had no idea what was going on through his head; all you knew was that you'd only known this man for two days, and you're already obsessed with him.

Given how many times he had humiliated you, it was stupid to accept his offer for another date the day after again, but you weren't really thinking anymore.

Just like that, you kept going on small dates with each other every night, and he kept refusing to come inside each time; but you were happy that you got to spend time with him; you could always open yourself on your fingers pretending that they're his afterwards. You could see a future for yourself with this man, living in a fancy house together. He would read to you when your head is on his lap, take a bubble bath with you in the bathtub, you could even get yourself a cat. A baby would be nice too, if Fyodor would be down for that...

Little did you know, you were digging yourself into a bottomless hole, which you'll never be getting out of.

Fyodor had the same thoughts as you.

You were so sweet, so kind and lovely. He liked it that you were actually smart, but lost all your senses when it came to him. You were sweetly stupid and it made his heart clench every time he had to drag his feet out of your alley to head back to his empty, cold apartment alone, but it was all part of his plan, and the only key to it was patience, because he needed to make you desperate, to the point that you would kneel and accept everything he tells you to, not needing to be told twice.

And it happened. You found yourself to be at Fyodor's beck and call, agreeing to his every word without putting much thought to it; Even when he asked you to run away with him.

You were skeptic of course; not enough to reject his offer, but you needed to hear him saying it was ok, it was the right thing to do. And he did, assuring you that your parents would never let you come with him if you tell them beforehand, that it's the only option you've got left and you will eventually visit them after a while.

How could you refuse when he was the one asking?

You didn't hear anything from your parents until a few days later, when the tragic accident of fire that had devoured the home of the great senator and the occupants alive got all over the news.

You haven't seen Fyodor for over one week.

Months have passed since the "accident" and your so called "get away", but things have gotten worse, if even changed slightly. You've been kept in a small apartment ever since, and haven't caught a glimpse of the sun for so long, not even through the windows.

Fyodor said it's for your own good, that people who killed your family are after your blood and you need to stay somewhere he can protect you, but you're not sure if sealing the windows are really related to that. You don't have a key to the apartment, even to the rooms; Fyodor has set many ground rules of things you should and should not do, and it's frustrating.

Your patience knows limits, and it might already be at it.

You're lying in front of the TV, with a bowl of ice cream in your hand, looking at some romantic movie in your own language. You watch the people laughing, dancing, making love, but the only thing you feel is one single emotion.

Envy

You're envious of other people. How they go on fancy dates and end up fucking in a public bathroom, while you haven't even kissed Fyodor yet. You don't have the faintest idea why he asked you to come with him in the first place. That's what Fyodor does to you, always keeping you in the dark and only coming back when he decides it's the right time.

Him, not you. Your opinion does not matter one single bit.

Sighing, you turn the TV off and put the empty bowl on the table. You're already way too depressed, you don't need to see other people's happiness and regret about your own choices.

But that's the problem. You don't regret anything. You don't regret taking Fyodor's hand when he offered you a dance at that part, you don't regret spending time with him and having wet dreams about him at nights, you don't regret agreeing to come to this place;

you even know that he was the one who slaughtered your entire family, but you decide not to think about anything other than him because sometimes, ignorance is a bliss.

As you lean back to the couch, you wonder where your boyfriend- if you can even refer to him as that, is right now. What might he be doing? Is he planning another murder? Is he on a date with another poor woman to manipulate her, use her and then just throw her away like she's worth nothing? Is he holding her hand and whispering sweet promises about the future to her?

Ah, you just remembered.

His hands.

Fyodor has long, skinny hands and stretched, pale fingers. You admire the way his veins lay bare under his skin when he holds a coffee mug or writes a letter. His nails are always cut shortly, exhibiting his smooth skin and how he takes care of them. His hands are cold, not at a shivering state but cold enough for you to offer him your gloves, or just hold them to warm them up.

God, you can't wait to hold his hands again, and to feel them inside you once he finally gets around to it.

Sliding your hand in your pants, you close your eyes and imagine how his fingers would curl up and massage your sweet spot, dragging pleasure outside of your cunt. Will he be gentle, taking his time, making love to you? Or is he the kind to be rough and would make you scream his name by the end of the night? It's your call, since this is all an illusion and he isn't actually here.

Fyodor hates masturbation. He told you that once you brought the topic up on one of your dates. He thinks that it's pathetic, useless, and offending to a person's partner, But Fyodor isn't here; it's only you and your pitiable moans filling the room.

You whisper his name as you scissor yourself open on fingers that are actually supposed to be his, but unfortunately, they're attached to the pathetic body of yours. Tears find their way out of the corner of your closed eyes, staining your cheeks, and you wish he was here to wipe them off your face, plant a kiss on your forehead and say how well you're doing for him.

I miss you so much, Fedya…

You feel getting closer to your orgasm as your fingers speed up, but the sensation isn't nice, not as much as it would be when he's the one helping you out; yet this is all you're going to get for now, so you shouldn't complain and just take it.

With a cry out of his name, you come. Arousal covers your fingers and you have no choice but to clean them up with your mouth. Your whole body stings and you just lie there, panting and half way through crying. What would he do if he was here? Would he scold you? Punish you? Or say something like...

"What are you doing?"

Until a few minutes ago, you thought that when he comes back, you'll jump into his arms, kiss his face over and over while telling him how much you've missed him, and that he should bring you along with him everywhere he goes; but now that he's actually here, you just want this to be a mirage.

It isn't.

You desperately open your eyes and tilt your head toward the doorway, only to look at the tall man standing there through your blurry vision.

Fyodor is as handsome and terrifying as ever. There's a bouquet of roses in his hand, and he's wearing his usual outfit, an Ushanka and a black cloak. Everything looks the same as ever, except for the look on his face.

You expect him to be angry, to shoot daggers your way; but through the violet shades of his penetrating eyes, you find another emotion; one that intimidates you more than his anger and sends shiver down your spin.

Disappointment.

You stay silent and keep staring at his figure with widened eyes. Fyodor doesn't scold you. After a few seconds, he slowly walks toward you and places the roses on the table, standing next to the couch.

"May I take a seat?"

You want the ground to swallow you whole.

"S-sure, do as you wish"

He calmly makes himself comfortable on the couch, while you nervously curl yourself up against your side. Feeling like you need to explain yourself, you want to say that it's not what it looks like, but you know you would only tie yourself up in knots. Besides, it's exactly what it looks like, and Fyodor isn't stupid.

With an expressionless face, he points at the flowers on the table.

"These are for you"

Roses are your favorite type of flowers. Sitting there with your legs crossed and your arms wrapped around your shins, you sense his thoughtful gesture to be a slap in the face. Guilt and fear makes your heart ache yet you don't have the guts to start crying again.

You didn't want him to come back. Not like this.

"Ah, thank you..."

He couldn't have heard you since you mumbled so quietly, but he's got sharp ears. You look unsure when you stretch your arms out to pick the flowers up, but when you sniff them, your face brightens up with delight.

"They are lovely"

"So, care to tell me why you were calling out for me like that?"

He's not going to let it slide, is he?

"Nothing. Where have you been?"

"Answering my question with another one? I see"

While you struggle to breath, he takes his Ushanka off and places it between you, and all you do is watching him carefully for a reason you're unaware of yourself, but he probably is, since he's a mine of information and knows every twist and turn of your brain.

"To answer your question, I could say I was tying up a few loose ends. But fill me in, dear; was I hallucinating earlier? Because, either I'm insane or you were just masturbating in our living room"

You open your mouth to say something, anything, but words seem to have been erased from your mind and your tongue doesn't roll in your mouth as it did before. When he doesn't hear a response, he flashes you a pitying look and shakes his head.

"No comeback? You're not even denying it"

How long was he standing there anyway? Was he there from the beginning? Because god, if he was then you don't want to face him ever again.

"You know dear, I thought that we should wait until we were in a better place; but if you're so eager... I shouldn't keep you waiting for so long"

Ah, what?

When he catches you staring at him, like you're unable to believe your ears, he merely smirks; standing up and taking the direction to your bedroom.

"Aren't you coming, sweetheart?"

"I'm... coming..."

You don't have a clue of what is going on, still, you've waited for this moment from the year dot; you won't be letting it pass this easily.

As you enter the bedroom, the sight of Fyodor taking his cloak off catches your eye. He takes a peek at you from the corner of his eye, only to find you standing next to the wall awkwardly.

"What are you waiting for? Get undressed"

"...Ok"

Stripping out of your clothes, you feel slightly embarrassed when your whole body is exposed to him for the first time, and his eyes scanning you up and down are not exactly helping.

Fyodor pauses a little, like he wants to say something but he's not sure if he should; then looks you in the eye.

"Get on the bed"

You obediently listen to his demand and lie down on the bed, getting excited when he follows you to hover on top of you. He gently cup your cheek with his hand, and cracks a smile.

"I don't think I've ever told you how pretty your eyes are, Darling"

You blush at his sincere comment that gives you enough courage to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down a little so that your lips are only inches apart. The idea of you initiating the kiss doesn't even cross your mind; Fyodor is the one in charge and he has to have control over everything. Thankfully, he's kind enough to not push you away this time, playing along by attaching his lips to yours, kissing you passionately. And you kiss him back with so much desire and longing, like you did every night before going to sleep in your imaginations. You won't be doing that anymore, now that you have the real thing.

Not only Fyodor doesn't stop you when he senses your hands on his body, trying to unbutton his shirt, he even helps you out with some of them. You smile into the kiss when you feel a certain "something" pressing against your core, which doesn't go unnoticed by him.

"You sure get cocky, But I don't blame you dear; you certainly taste nice"

"Mhm... Touch me more, Fedya"

The mans face breaks into a mischievous grin. He places his hand on your collarbone, lightly rubbing it with his thumb.

"You want me to touch you more, Darling? Where do you want me to touch you?"

His hand roams down on your body, until it reaches to your boobs, And cups one of them.

"Here? or..."

You let his limb wander on your body, thrill taking over you as you anticipate where its destination might be. A soft moan skips your lips when he finally cups your womanhood, fingers teasing your clit.

"Maybe here? Hmm?"

"Fedya…"

"Yes, honey?"

You look at him with plead through your dewy eyes.

"Stop teasing and just give it to me, ok? I've been waiting for so long..."

Fyodor briefly examines your face and his small slowly fades away. You feel shaken by his sudden change of mood, wondering if you said something wrong.

"I will; but, do you think you deserve to be touched? You looked like you were having so much fun with your own hands back then"

As his gaze pierce through your soul, you find yourself to be in dire straits. Despite the position you're currently in, you know you should rack your brain and say something acceptable, or else you won't see the light at the end of the tunnel, or even tomorrow anymore.

"I'm... Really sorry about that... I guess I was just under so much pressure, you looked like you weren't attracted to me and you were gone for a quite amount of time... But It won't happen again, You have my word. I really am sorry"

As you wait for him to react to your genuine confession, his stare becomes more gentle, a ghost of a smile appearing on his lips.

"I know you are Darling, I know you are"

His fingers lightly rub circles on your clit to make your mind go numb while he deeps his face in the place between the pillow and your ear, making you shiver every time his lips brush against your earlobe.

"Tell me y/n; which feels better? My hand or yours?"

You choke a moan out as his digits slide inside with the help of the arousal from your lewd activity earlier. They are longer than your fingers; longer, professional, and more importantly, they belong to him.

"Y-yours of course, Fedya"

"Good girl. That's what I thought"

Fyodor doesn't hurry anything. His moves are calculated, and with each shove, his fingertips hit just the right spot. As you whine and hold him closer, you think about something more exciting. When he can make you feel this good only using his fingers, god helps you when he unzips his pants and opens you up on his probably lengthy cock...

Which makes you brave enough to ask him, because if he fingers you for a little longer, you'll probably come and the chance to make him feel good will slip away from your hands.

"Fedya honey..."

"What is it, Love?"

"I need to feel you inside me"

His smile looks dazzling.

"Aren't I already inside you, dearest?"

"You know what I mean!"

Pulling his fingers out, you almost regret asking him to do so, but you try to comfort yourself since he's gonna stuff you with something better and you won't be feeling empty for long.

"Alright then; but first, open your mouth for me baby"

Deeming he probably wants to clean his digits up, you part your lips to help him out, but instead of fingers, he leans closer and abruptly spits in your mouth. You're stunned, but you still swallow it down your throat under the proud look in his eyes.

"So perfect for me, Myshka. Now, lie down and relax. Let me handle things from this point"

As if he wasn't already.

You can't believe your eyes when he uncovers his member from his pants. It's not the thickest cock, but the length is definitely quite something.

Fyodor smirks as he catches you staring. He adjusts himself on your entrance and casts an eye on your expression.

"Does my darling like what she sees?"

"Yeah..."

"I bet you'll like it more when I'm fucking your cunt"

Yeah, no shit.

With a bright groan, he pushes himself into your hole. Your pussy is slick enough to devour his dick, but also tight enough to send pleasure his way. He has a breather before thrusting in and out you, find the steady rhythm and the perfect place to hit inside, making your eyes roll at the back of your head.

While Fyodor does everything, holds you in place, sucks hickeys on your neck and rubs your right nipple with his fingers, all you do is whine, hug him tightly and hover your legs over his back. You would've felt disturbed by how cold his body was; but you don't feel troubled, not even the slightest bit. There is no way you would feel like that when he makes you feel so warm inside. Its not just about fucking- it's about him, coming back to you, to understand the pain you went through, and make the most memorable night as a reunion. In this cold bed, you find your body and your heart getting warmed up by this Russian man's love and affection.

Fyodor fastens his pace at plunging in your pussy, meanwhile his tongue rolls around on the sensitive spot on your neck. It's unbelievable how he knows your body like the back of his hand while this is the first time he gets to lay a hand on you. You don't know whether to moan at his cock pounding inside your tight cunt, or at how he doesn't stop marking you up as his belonging.

"A-ah... Fedya… I'm getting close..."

"I can feel it, love. C'mon darling, Come for me. Show me how much you like it when I make love to you"

His praises send you over the edge. You feel so close, this unholy feeling is so addictive and you never wanna let go. Your body is firing up, you start shaking and you're only a little away from your release; which you'll surely get there soon, with Fyodor whispering sweet things in your ear.

"You're doing so good, Milaya…"

"So pretty for me, sweetness"

"Come for me, baby"

"Come for me, beautiful"

"Come for me"

"Come for me"

"Come for me"

You are literally on the verge of breaking apart on his cock, one second away from releasing all over him and make a mess out of his lower abdomen. You close your eyes and ready to feel the orgasm wash over your stress and sorrow and make you complete again; but in a split second, you feel a tremendous amount of pain, due to the sudden emptiness of your hole.

You feel miserable when Fyodor's length leaves your orgasm undone, and when you open your eyes to know the reason, you're met with the emotion you were searching for not so long ago.

There's the anger and daggers he was saving from your stare, to let them appear at the right time.

Now.

"Do you think you deserve to come, y/n?"

All the warmth you were feeling a while ago, all the heat and certainty was gone; now it's only fear and pain, germinating in your heart, making your chest ache.

His look is dangerous. It's not just anger. It's everything. Fury, disappointment, disgust. For the first time since you met Fyodor, you feel so scared, to your fingertips.

His grip around your throat snaps you back into reality.

"I'm talking to you, slut. Do you think you deserve to come? After what you were doing on my couch, shamelessly touching yourself like some common whore?"

You don't say anything. You can't. You can't even breath. You can't even if he let's go of your throat. You just want to die.

"Ungrateful little bitch. You're so full of yourself. So needy and pathetic. It grosses me out. What do you want me to do? To treat you like the princess you are? To turn a blind eye to your scandalous behavior and make your every wish come true? You think you're still in your daddy's house?"

"N- no- no- I- no-"

His hand finally let's go of your throat, but just as you're about to gasp for breath, his palm lands on your cheek.

"Don't talk back to me. I didn't give you permission to talk yet"

You only stare at him with disbelief, unaware of the tears that have been falling from your eyes from the moment his attitude changed.

It was never about you.

Never about affirming you.

Never about comforting you.

From the very first moment Fyodor set foot in the house, he came to torture you.

"Do you know what happens when you misbehave, precious?"

He knew what you were doing. He has always known.

And yet, you love him with every inch of your soul. With every breath coming out of your lungs.

"Worthless woman. I should throw you out in the streets, where you belong to. You'll die eventually, if some guy doesn't rip your throat apart. Is that what you want, woman? You want freedom? Help yourself! Get out of my sight and never come back again"

"No! I'm sorry! I won't ever do that again! I promise- !- Please! Please- I swear- Please believe me, Fedya!"

Another slap, landing on your other cheek.

"Don't say my name with that filthy, disgusting mouth of yours. Know your place"

You don't say anything anymore. As he keeps stabbing you with heartbreaking words, you only sob and bite your bottom lip so that your whimpers wouldn't interrupt him.

Fyodor looks at your pathetic state, and clicks his tongue. He gets up and picks his clothes from the ground, shooting a warning glare at you.

"Now, I want to see you try to masturbate again"

And with that, he leaves you in the bed, shattered into pieces.

It will never be about you,

And you hate yourself for not hating this, until the day you die.

All rights reserved © 2023 AshTheMadWriter. Please do not copy, repost, translate, or modify my works on any platform.

[starlightazriel]

bee 4

desc: (fem reader) modern au best friends to lovers, roommate az, angsty + smutty, multiple parts

warnings: 18+, drug/alcohol abuse, angst, az being slightly violent/dark/dominating and self destructive, TOXIC MASCULINITY, girls kissing girls, adolescent fluff, reader is insecure, very light public smut, az being a hoe (I know it hurts me too)

a/n: awwww snap

wc: 3.8k

other parts can be found on my azriel masterlist

four

"Im sure you just misheard him Kat for the millionth time," I sighed heavily, peering at my reflection in Kats mirror. The past few weeks had consisted of relentless torture. First was the torture of being almost uncontrollably horny for Azriel every single waking moment of the day. Second was the torture of him not really being around since he had tattooed me. And third was the torture of Kat not leaving me alone about Azriel apparently saying that I was his when Riley and him were arguing about who was going to do my tattoo.

Az was busy. With the anniversary of the shop coming up next week and Rhys selecting him to represent the shop for the upcoming tattoo event where he would compete with the other artists around the area... He just wasnt home. I would see him quickly in the morning, we would do that thing that we did where I would try my best not to stare at his morning wood, he would smirk and give me a friendly hug goodbye that would linger for too long. And then I would watch him leave out the door.

"I didnt mishear him y/n! He said it, and he meant it! He wants you," Kat urged as she looks at both of our reflections in the mirror, she fixed my dress, smiling proudly at me. "Rhys and I talked about it, everyone can see this shit except for you," her matter of fact tone had me whirling.

"Kat what? You can't talk to his friends about this," I winced slightly, thinking about what that conversation could have looked like.

"Rhys is my friend too, you know?" She rolled her eyes at me, reaching up to fix a piece of my hair, I swatted her away. "Rhys thinks Az just cares about you, and hes not used to fucking people that he cares about so obviously Bee its going to scare him. You know what hes been through and...You two are obviously in love with each other, anyone with eyes can see that,"

"You guys need to stop talking about us behind our backs," I mumbled quietly, but her words stuck with me. The fact that Rhys had said that had to mean something, he knew Az as well as me... Maybe certain dark parts of Az better than me. "Hes not in love with me."

Of course I knew Azriel cared about me, he always had, but it had always been platonic. It made sense, of course he would be scared of leaving our comfort zone, the one place for both of us since we'd met that we could be ourselves that we didnt have to pretend or put on a show for anyone else. We had been each others safe space for years, and it wasnt like I wasnt afraid either... I was mostly just in denial after loving him for years, pining after him, watching him with gorgeous incomparable older girls and then women when we grew up. It was completely unbelievable for me to think that Azriel was actually looking at me as anything more than just the girl that moved in next store that would never leave his side.

"So then do what I say tonight and then if nothing happens I'll shut up and leave both of you alone about it for the rest of your lives!" Kat had not shut up about her plan for me to seduce Azriel and then make him so jealous that he would fly into my arms tonight while we were all out celebrating the upcoming anniversary and Azriels portfolio making the top ten best tattoo artists in the area for the event they were doing.

"Im not just going to seduce him Kat," I said the word like it was dirty as I stared back at my pathetic reflection in the mirror. I wanted to change out of the ridiculously tiny dress that she had me in. "If it happens between us I want it to be natural, I don't want to force anything," I sighed softly, repeating what I had been saying for days just in different words.

"You won't be forcing anything. It's called making the first move! Strong women have been doing it for decades," she giggled softly and I rolled my eyes at her again, giving her a look before looking back at my reflection.

"I don't even look like myself," I complained quietly, staring at myself in the mirror. The dress was tiny, she had lined my lips and put gloss on them, some fake eyelashes, blush, contour. "I look like a damn clown Kat," I grimaced wondering what Azriel would even think when he saw me. I never wore anything more than lip gloss and mascara, I felt completely ridiculous, and I also didn't know how I was going to walk in the heels she had given me.

"The sexiest clown I've ever seen," she giggled in response and hooked her arm into mine, pulling me away from the mirror.

-

When my eyes landed on Azriel at the bar my stomach churned. Dressed to impress. He wore black jeans, a black vintage looking button up t shirt with the first few buttons undone, his chains hanging on his chest, his rings on his fingers... When he wanted to he knew how to look good, and he looked so damn good. Not that he ver didnt look good but you could always tell when he really made an effort. Fresh line up, his black slightly wavy hair falling over his forehead, his delicious jaw, perfectly golden brown skin with tattoos everywhere. My lips parted, noticing a new one curling up the side of his neck. I wanted to kiss it. I wondered when he got it and turned to ask Kat but she was already talking to some guy.

I pursed my lips, my eyes drifting back to Azriel, our eyes locked as he had been looking at me already, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. He watched me curiously, and I bit my lip, feeling naked under his gaze like usual. "See he's already looking," Kat interrupted, her voice sounding slightly giddy. "Let's grab some drinks!" She tugs me along toward the bar, toward Azriel, but we end up on the opposite side of the bar, his brows are drawn together slightly as he watches us. Rhys and Cass were next to him, they could be heard across the bar yelling loudly about some bet that they had made between each other, Az was quiet as usual though, and he was watching me.

I wanted nothing more than to go say hello after having barely seen him, but Kat had told me that it was very important that I let him approach me first tonight, even if I'd be making the first move. I was only going along with her dumb plan so she would see how dumb it actually was and finally leave me alone about Azriel. Kat ordered us chilled tequila shots for the first round and we clinked our glasses together. "It's crazy not to go say hi to him, I've never done that before," I say to Kat, my eyes still landing on Azriel every few minutes, I couldn't help it.

My mouth went dry when I looked again and he was talking to someone now, a woman, he glanced back at me again but then quickly back to the woman in front of him. She looked gorgeous from what I could tell, even though her back was facing me, a pang of jealousy hit my gut. This is so stupid.

"I promise its going to be fine," she laughed before waving over some of her other friends she introduced me to her friends Lily and Lylah, they were twins, almost identical, gorgeous... But I couldn't seem to focus on any conversation they were having, I was too busy being distracted by Azriel who was still speaking to the random woman across the bar. He didnt look particularly interested, but he smiled at her and my gut wrenched.

Shot after shot and I was getting anxious I knew it wasnt horribly out of the ordinary for Kat and I to be off on our own when we were out, she had always told me we'd never bag anyone if the boys were looming over our shoulders. Usually we at least said hi though.

"Dance with me for a little!" Kat giggled, her words slurred from all the tequila shots we had been doing.

"Kat you know I don't-" I tried to protest but she was already dragging me into the throng of bodies surrounded by the DJ's station. "Our friendship is starting to feel like a lot of you dragging me into anything," I shout over the music dramatically, but I couldn't help but smile as I kept my eyes on Kat, trying to pretend it was just her and I in her living room.

"There you goooo y/n," Kat laughs softly pulling me closer to her, I just laugh and shake my head, thankful for all the liquor in my system giving me the courage to dance with her. I glanced back at Azriel, there was no way I was forgetting he was there, especially since he was talking to someone.

"Doesn't seem like its wor-" I started to say but Im interrupted by Kats lips on mine. "Kat what are you-" I tried to say but she's kissing me, her arms are still around me, one of her hands finding my hair. I couldn't help it as I kissed her back, her lips were so soft, and she tasted like strawberry lip gloss.

"I had to," she laughed casually as she pulled away, her fingers pulling from my hair.

"You're crazy," I laughed, my heart still racing the tiniest bit from the surprise of her kiss. The rush. I glanced back at Azriel, who wasnt even looking at the woman speaking to him, his eyes were fixed on me, brows drawn slightly together.

"Only a little bit, you look too damn good tonight not to get a kiss, even if it isn't the kiss you deserve I had to give you a little sugar," she giggled again, her words slurring slightly as she looked at me with hazy eyes.

"Good thing I have you," I said and laughed, spinning her around on the dance floor even though it definitely wasnt the song for it.

"May I?" the scent of his cologne fills my nostrils and my eyes lift to meet gorgeous amber colored ones.

"May you..?" I stuttered slightly blinking up at him, tall, clean cut, red hair, pale skin, piercing eyes and devilishly handsome. His clothing and jewelry looked like it would cost me a years worth of shifts at the bar. Kat drops her jaw at me behind his back in approval, her eyebrows drawing together before she quickly said she was going to get us drinks and she wouldn't be far, the man didnt even bat an eye or look at her for that matter.

"Dance with you? Buy you a drink? Kiss you the way your friend just did?" He asks, his voice smooth and seductive, I almost would have fell for it if it wasnt for his cockiness.

"You're just assuming that she's not my girlfriend," I retorted, arrogance emanated from him... But it was kind of sexy. He was way, way out of my league though.

"Oh?" He cocked his head to the side, his eyes twinkling with amusement, he obviously liked this game. "She's your girlfriend? Then why did she leave you here?"

I opened my mouth to say something but closed it quickly because I couldn't think of anything to say. My eyes met with Azriels, he was gripping the glass in his hand tightly, his jaw clenched as he glanced between me and whoever the man in front of me was.

-

"Is there something more interesting behind me?" the annoying voice asked, Azriel couldn't even remember her name even though she had given it to him maybe twenty minutes ago? He didnt even know how long it had been that she had been here pestering him, however long it was too long.

"Everything behind you is more interesting," he muttered, his eyes only flicking to hers for a second before back to Bee and Eris, the fuck was he even doing here anyway? Azriel already knew the answer to that though, he was sniffing out all the dumbasses with empty pockets he could find to run his product around the city. Azriel only knew this because Eris was his dealer.

"Asshole," the woman whirled on her heels and stormed away but Azriel didnt even bother to look at her again. The fuck did Eris want with Bee. Probably that fucking dress she was wearing. What had Kat even been thinking? Dressing her up and parading her around like some kind of toy, kissing her. His throat felt so dry and his blood felt so hot. The liquor coursing through his veins mixed with the lines he had done in the bathroom earlier were only enhancing his anger. A small bead of sweat formed on his temple and before he could stop himself he was up, the barstool he had been sitting on nearly tipping over at his carelessness. Azriel pushed past the crowd his face feeling hot and red, his eyes narrowed, focusing on Bee as she smirked up at Eris.

"Fuck you doing?" were the only words that left Azriels mouth as he grabbed Bee by her arm and yanked her hard. She squeaked out his name in surprise and protest stumbling backward and almost falling but he made sure that she didnt.

"Azriel?" Eris speaks, his eyebrows drawing together as he watched Azriel manhandle her.

"She's good, Im good," his voice is almost a growl as she struggles to get out of his strong grip but hes tugging her toward the back door.

-

"Az what the fuck are you doing?!" I cry out softly the cool night breeze kissing my skin as he pulled me out of the door to the club. I was stumbling behind him, tripping over my heels, my arm was aching at his intense grip, my heart pounding in my chest. Great fucking idea Kat.

"No, Bee, what the fuck are you doing?" He whirls, pushing me back and my body hits the wall on alleyway to the club, my head smacking gently against the cool brick. Azriel wraps his hand around my throat, gently squeezing, my lips part in surprise, my toes curling involuntarily.

"Azriel, ow, fuck," my head was spinning, a mixture of shock from Azriels behavior and all of the liquor in my system.

"What the fuck are you doing Bee?" He repeats, his eyes boring in to mine, his hazel eyes were dark, blank except for rage, his breathing was heavy, chest rising and falling quickly. "When did you start letting Kat dress you up like a fucking slut?" he presses, his fingers tightening around my throat, my heart is pounding, my pussy throbbing and leaking in my panties as I stared up at him. "Who the fuck even are you? You can't even say hi to me? Kissing Kat like a fucking whore on the dance floor, batting your fucking eyelashes and smiling at Eris like youre fucking easy, hes my fucking coke dealer Bee, are you that naive?" he was so close, I could feel his breath on my skin, smell all the fucking liquor he had drank. I was stunned, Azriel had never spoken to me like this. Never put his hands on me in this rough... Claiming way. I was reeling, my nipples ached as our chests brushed with each breath we took.

"Az, I-" I breathed, my eyes flicking down to his lips, back up to his eyes. I knew I should be angry at him, I knew I should push him away and yell at him for the way he had treated me. But I couldn't, I could never push him away, and there was some part of me that liked every second of it. I needed more.

"Im going fucking crazy," he breathed out, almost as if he was realizing where we were, who I was. His fingers loosened around my throat and I didnt hesitate, I kissed him. My entire body melted, leaning into him, embracing him as his hand moved from my throat and into the back of my hair, tightening and tugging there. I moaned as his arm snaked around my waist, pulling our bodies flush, I could feel his hard cock pressing through his pants. I whimpered softly as he slid his tongue into my mouth, the way he kissed me was so needy and feral.

My head was spinning, I couldn't believe it was finally happening. He was kissing me, touching me. His hands were everywhere now, desperately trying to get to know my body, I moaned again, tipping my head back as he slid his fingers under my dress and over my soaking wet panties. He cursed quietly under his breath, his lips moving over my neck, sucking gently as he rubbed me through my underwear. I moaned, rocking my hips back and forth against his fingers until I was coming completely undone in my panties. I gasped softly as Azriel pulled away, confusion covering my face, feeling almost empty with out him there, against me. Like he had ripped warmth itself away from me.

"Az why did you sto-" I can't finish my sentence because I notice his face, my cheeks heat with embarrassment.

"Bee youre too drunk, Im drunk.. I shouldn't have put my hands- We just can't do this-" Azriel struggled for words, I felt tears sting at my eyes. His throat bobbed, his eyes becoming so distant. I hadn't seen that look in a while.

"Az-" I tried again but he just shook his head, his jaw flexing nervously.

"Im sorry Bee. Go back inside," his eyes are guarded, hes lighting a cigarette now, looking anywhere but me. I opened my mouth to say something but he turns and walks away, leaving me feeling humiliated in the alley way. I turned, and practically ran back inside, tears rolling down my cheeks as I tried to find Kat I had to leave, now.

-

Azriel nearly stumbled out of the car, his current double vision not doing anything to help his balance. He hadn't wanted to fuck anyone else besides Bee since he'd walked in on her in his room. He was realizing now, that he couldn't do that. He cared about her too much, so much that he had hurt her.

Even if she wanted to. Even if she was doing all this dumb little shit to get his attention, he couldn't allow it. He put his hands on her, he had hurt her. And what had she done? She kissed him. Because she saw him, she knew that wasnt really him. She knew the real him before all the drugs before all the mindless sex and the ego boost he had gained from tattooing. It scared the absolute shit out of him. He knew he would have to change for her, he knew accepting the way he felt would make him want to change. He couldn't believe weeks ago he had been thinking about actually fucking her. His kiss with Bee was replaying over and over in his head, how could he stay away knowing what it felt like to kiss her but still not knowing what her pussy tasted like?

His thoughts had him walking more swiftly to the door and he stopped, rubbing his face to try and compose himself and not seem too blasted out of his mind. He rang the door bell and waited for only a few moments before Cecille appeared before it, her wrapped up in a bonnet for sleep, a matching silk robe draping over her naked body.

"Azriel?" she asks, her voice cool and disinterested but her eyes lit up. "I told you never to come without calling, my husband could be here," she tilts her head, looking down her nose at him.

"Is he?" he asked, his eyes settling on her breasts, he couldn't help but compare them to Bee. It made his ears hot.

"No," she responds, a smile tugging at her lips, the wrinkles by her eyes becoming more pronounced. He invites himself in then, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it.

"So get on your knees," he commanded, resting his hands on her shoulders and coaxing her down to the floor.

Azriel watched boredly as she sucked him off, his fingers gripping her hair and pushing her deeper onto him, watching her choke and gag. Normally this would have made him feel better, it would have made him forget whatever he was worried about.

Nothing... Not even this could get his mind off of Bee.

-

"Az we need to do something," her eyes welled up with tears, she hugged her body, peering at him as they sat on the hill next to the school.

"I told you Im fine, there's nothing to do Bee," Azriel shrugs, ripping up pieces of grass, tossing them in front of them.

"There has to be something," she raises her voice, staring at him, she was angry and she didnt understand how he wasnt. His lip was fat and bloody his nose bruised and swollen but it was nothing compared to the giant bruise that covered his ribcage. "We can talk to the principal and they can help us with the police-"

"No cops Bee," he cuts her off, his tone somber and serious, but his eyes softened at the sight of her. It warmed something deep inside of him to know that someone cared about him. Actually wanted to help him. "I'll end up in foster care, it's worse. Ive been there," he adds, sighing quietly and rising to his feet.

"I just hate this Az, I hate seeing you hurt. I hate that they can just do that to you and nothing ever happens to them," she looks up at him, her knees hugged to her chest. He winces slightly at the sight of her crying, he hated that.

"Im seriously fine, Im used to it," he shakes his head, holding his hand out to help her up, she doesn't budge. "I can't go into foster care because then I'll never see my best friend Bee again," he tries again, smiling down at her, he needed her to stop crying, it bothered him so much.

"You shouldn't be used to it, and we would find a way to stay in contact," she argues, her eyebrows drawing together as she looks up at him in frustration.

"No cops Bee," he repeats, and she sighs in defeat, looking away from him. His hand is still extended to her, waiting. "Come on. Cheer up," he urges, sighing heavily. "Ice cream?" she finally turns to look back up at him and reluctantly takes his hand with tearstained cheeks.

"Fine, not today Az, but some day we are doing something."

-

a/n: </3

comment if you'd like to be tagged in the next part *** very quickly stoned proof READ ILL GET TO IT fr LMK IF YOU SEE MISTAKES

@smalljasper289 @cynthiesjmxazrielslover @scorpioriesling @userxs-blog @lilah-asteria

[chalametluvrz]

jealousy looks good on you pt1

steve harrington x afab!reader

tags gender neutral pronouns. dormmate!steve. cocky!steve. boarderline fuckboy!steve. jealous reader. stubborn reader. very subtle mentions of sex. mentions of arguments. reader is in denial about their feelings. steve is pretty smug. teasing. angsty if you could even count it as that. tbh there's not much to tag lol.

note the entire piece is completely gender neutral, i only tagged it as afab just incase i do a part 2 with smut <33 so lmk if u’d be down for a part 2!!!

wc 1.1k

you'd be lying if you said you didn't enjoy living with steve; yeah, sure he was loud, he was annoying and you found yourself cleaning up after him on a regular basis, but he was a decent dormmate.

honestly, you were filled with anxiety when you first got told you'd be co-existing with steve-fucking-harrington for your first year of college. your entire high school career, he'd been the popular kid, extremely unaware of how he actually treated every other 'normal' person who just wanted to speed through their schooling years with good grades and then completely disappear from that shit-hole of a town.

but it turns out, he's not the super cool kid everyone jacked him up to be. if anything, he was a moron, a big clutz that could yap for hours on end if you let him.

but like i'd previously said; he was annoying. he was a pain in the ass a lot of the time. noisy at stupid hours in the morning. constantly distracting you when you're trying to study. loud conversations with whichever one-week girlfriend he had. always bickering with you over simple things like what's on the tv, whose chocolate is that in the fridge or how long each of you takes in the bathroom.

yet, amongst all that, there was still room in your heart to have a tiny little crush on him. which when you thought about it, was ridiculous, because you wouldn't even consider each other friends.

however, last night, you had a kind of big argument. it all started when you were trying to study and he was doing nothing but get on your nerves, purposefully trying to distract you all night, despite your constant pleading for him to stop because you had a big test coming up and you didn't want to fail.

somehow it led to him saying you were boring and stubborn, that all your studying is never going to guarantee you a ticket out of hawkin's after you graduate. and even after all that, he still managed to slip in that you have nothing going for you but your 'mediocre' intelligence and that's why you have never had many friends your entire life. which hurt. it hurt a lot.

big jerk, high school steve had suddenly made an appearance back in the room.

and to which, you responded by saying that it's not your fault he doesn't care about his academic achievements and that he'll be stuck in a dead-end job being a disappointment his entire life because all he cares about is getting his dick wet, and nothing else. which hurt him equally as much as he hurt you.

you hadn't spoken since, and just like steve had said; you're stubborn; so you didn't really plan to. thankfully, steve had early lessons today, whereas you had late ones so your paths had yet to meet. but you'd be lying if you said you weren't anxious about going back home after your 7pm lecture finished.

eventually that time arrived, and you were unlocking your front door, praying to whoever was up there in the clouds that steve was in his room so you could slip in and lock yourself away for the night.

little did you know, since he knew you were gonna have late lessons, he invited over a girl he'd been speaking to for.. what was it? literally less than a day.. to do 'certain' fun activities with. and steve thought this said girl would be able to slip out before you even arrived home, so you can imagine the shock on his face when he saw you standing in the doorway as he was kissing this girl goodbye.

you scoff a little at the sight. he was completely proving the point you made last night. he doesn't care about anything but getting his dick wet by every girl he speaks to.

"i.. um. i'll see you later, steve," the girl mumbled, hurrying out of the door because even an idiot could sense the tension between the both of you.

you roll your eyes a little before placing your bag and laptop on the kitchen island. not even speaking as you strolled past him.

"so what.. you're just not going to speak to me?" he asks, running one of his hands through his messy hair. and to that, you didn't respond. "y/n. seriously," steve continues, his voice showing a slight hint of aggression.

"yes, actually. i'm not going to speak to you," you reply bluntly, not even bothering to look up at him. you could feel some brewing in your stomach, like something was churning inside but you just didn't know what it was. all you knew was that it made you feel so anxious you wanted to throw up. it was obviously jealousy but you just couldn't bring yourself to admit it.

"you're speaking to me right now," steve smirks, cockily, knowing exactly how to get under your skin. you just glare at him and say nothing. "come on.. this can't be about our bickering last night?" he says, slightly astonished you were still holding that against him "you know i didn't mean it."

"well, maybe i did," you snap a little, gesturing towards the door and the girl that had just left.

steve chuckled a little at your words and rolled his eyes. "are you talking about her?" he asked, unable to contain his amusement towards the situation. "i.." steve started up, but then stopped the second he realised. were you.. jealous?

it caused him to smirk a little. you were jealous and that's why you were so worked up, and that's why you were so annoyed by him getting his 'dick wet' all the time.. because you were jealous but you were too caught up standing on your high horse to even allow yourself to believe that was true.

who would have guessed it, little y/n, the person who spends all day studying and worrying about their grades fancied steve. mr sleeps around and doesn't care about his grades. steve honestly found it all so funny, so much that he couldn't hold in a little laugh.

"what's so funny?" you say, getting defensive and his sudden burst of laughter.

"oh.. it's nothing," steve replies, deflecting your question.

"no. whats funny?"

"honestly, it's nothing, darling," he smirks, feeling progressively more pleased with himself as he saw your cheeks flush a little at the pet name. 'gotcha' he thought to himself. "don't you worry, i haven't got eyes for her," steve teases, his voice dripping with arrogance that made you want to smack the smug look off his face.

"and um.. y/n," steve says, turning to face you for just a moment. "jealousy looks so.. so good on you," he smirked, giving you a little wink before walking back into his room. leaving you dumbfounded and embarrassed that he was even able to notice.

[therealcocoshady]

First day of school

A/N : hey guys ! I went back to school this week so I decided to stick to the theme and I actually wrote a little fluffy Marshall + Lily something. Basically just him feeling all the feels as his baby starts preschool 🥺. I hope you enjoy it ! 💕

Lily was starting preschool this morning and Marshall was a mess. In the past few days, he’d been going through several stages of grief : denial that his baby was old enough to go to preschool, bargaining and trying to get you to agree to letting him homeschool her, guilt regarding the few moments he’d missed in her early life (when the two of you weren’t even together !)… you were eagerly waiting for him to move on to the acceptance phase. She had just turned three and she’d have to go to school at some point. Plus, she was more than ready. More so than the two of you, who were emotional at the thought of your baby girl growing up so fast. You had managed to put on a brave face but Marshall was not there yet. He’d been there before with his eldest daughters so you had figured that he would deal with it rather well but he was actually more depressed than you. You were almost scared he’d bawl when he saw her walk in the kitchen with her brand new uniform of the fancy preschool you had managed to her her into.

- Daddy ! Look ! She shrieked when she saw him. I’m dressed !

- You’re beautiful, pumpkin ! He cooed. Come and give me a hug. Today’s the big day, huh ?

- Yes ! She giggled.

He engulfed her in a warm hug and looked at you with eyes full of gratitude. He was really glad that you’d be the one to help her get ready because, even though he was more than decent at doing her hair, this moment would have been too emotional. Her hair was neatly braided with little bows and she was absolutely adorable, a big smile on her face.

- Are you coming too, Daddy ? She asked eagerly.

- Of course, I’m coming, baby, he said softly. I’d never miss such a big day ! Mommy and I will drop you off, walk you to your classroom and pick you up when the day’s over.

- And we don’t want to be late, so now, time for breakfast ! You reminded them. Look, baby, Daddy made you pancakes !

- Yay, she cooed.

The three of you ate, and you lovingly listened to Lily tell you how excited she was. A few months ago, you had gone to meet with her teacher and visit the school and she had been impatient ever since. In fact, she had spent the whole summer talking about school and she’d had trouble sleeping the night before because she was too excited.

When you took her to school, she was so happy and she didn’t waste too much time on goodbyes. Some of the kids there definitely had a hard time letting go of their parents but it felt like Lily couldn’t get rid of the two of you fast enough. She handed her favorite duck plushy to Marshall, seeing as she wasn’t allowed to take it to class and quickly hugged the two of you goodbye before running inside the classroom and hugging one of her friends that she knew from daycare. Her eagerness put a smile on your face and you knew she’d have a great first day. However, Marshall was silent as the two of you walked to the car.

- She barely looked at us, he sighed.

- She’s excited, you pointed out. It’s a big day for her.

- When did she become so independent ? He asked. One minute she needs us for everything and then-

- And by us, you mean you, you giggled.

- No, he lied. I mean us.

- Marshall, you gently scolded.

- Fine, he conceded. I like it when she needs me. I like being the one she calls for every little thing.

You smiled with understanding and kissed his cheek. You could see the sadness in his eyes. He had always had such a strong bond with Lily, after all. So did you, of course, but seeing as you’d already had to deal with being replaced as your baby’s favorite person when Marshall stepped into your life, you didn’t have as much trouble.

- You’ve been grumpy, you said softly.

- I know, he sighed. I’m sorry. It’s just… it’s a lot, you know ?

- I think I do, you hummed. She’s my daughter too, remember ?

- You’re right. I’m sorry, baby, he said. I’m making it all about myself. If anything, I should be supporting you, not the other way around.

- I’m good, you said reassuringly. I’m glad she’s so excited about school. It breaks my heart to see her growing up so fast, but she’s so full of life, healthy, too… I just feel so blessed to be able to witness it. She’s pretty amazing.

He nodded, and you could see in his eyes that he was deep in his thoughts. The two of you drove home. You had both taken the day off so that you could enjoy Lily’s first day of school as a family. Marshall sat on the living room couch, still holding Lily’s duck plushy, that he held close to his heart.

- The house is empty without her, he sighed.

- Now you’re just being dramatic, you giggled. She’ll be back before we know it. It’s just school, Marsh !

- I know, he shrugged. It’s just that I spent every day with her, this summer while you were working. And I kind of loved our routine.

- Now you get to go back to the studio and do what you love, though, you said with a smile. Just the other day you told me of everything you planned on recording !

- I know, he shrugged.

You lovingly pressed a kiss to his cheek and sat next to him.

- Lily’s lucky to have you as her dad, you cooed. And I’m glad you had a great summer.

- It feels like I haven’t enjoyed it enough, he hummed.

- I hate seeing you so bittersweet, my love, you said. Our baby’s growing up and I know it’s hard on you, but it’s happy, too.

- I’m sorry, he sighed. It’s just… it brings me back, you know ? Eleven years ago, I almost died and realized that I had missed so many important moments with my kids. And now, life has blessed me with Lily and I get to give her my best. Not only do I have another baby, I get to experience life with her. And I know it’s happy, I do. But it’s so bittersweet because time goes by so fast. My eldest daughters are grown up and before I know it, Lily will be an adult. I just need her to be my baby a little bit longer.

You nodded and wrapped your arms around him. He closed his eyes and let you hold him. You stayed like this for a long moment. Marshall turned to you and you got to take a good look at him. You noticed that he had tears welling in his eyes.

- I love you, you said softly. Everything will be alright, my love.

- I know, he nodded as he wiped his own tears. I’m just so emotional. But I’m so proud of Lily, you know ?

- She’s doing great, you said. A testament to what an amazing father you are.

- And what an amazing mom you are, too, he cooed. I don’t thank you enough for bringing Lily into my life.

- Believe me, I know the only reason you married me is that you wanted to adopt her, you grinned.

- Come on, he chortled. You know it’s not true.

You giggled and he kissed you lovingly. You got up and grabbed his hand.

- Come on, you said. I think mom and dad deserve a day of doing nothing and lounging in bed.

- I’m all for it, he agreed.

The two of you ended up spending the day cuddling in bed, munching on snacks and mindlessly watching TV. Basically just indulging in the pleasures of being parents whose time-consuming toddler wasn’t around for the day. But just like any other parents, you couldn’t help but wonder how Lily was doing and you were more than happy when it was time to go and pick her up. When she spotted the two of you outside of her classroom, she immediately ran to give you hugs. She was beaming and apparently happy about her first day. You could see other parents staring at Marshall, who did his best to appear unbothered, though he quickly decided to walk to the car with Lily while you talked to the teacher.

- How did she do ? You asked eagerly.

- She did splendidly, the teacher said in a reassuring tone. Your Lily is well-adjusted ! Rather advanced, too ! There was just one minor mishap…

- Was there ? You asked anxiously. Did she have issues with another kid ? I’m sorry, her siblings are grown-up so she’s sort of an only-child-

- Don’t worry, she chuckled. She just decided to skip nap. She was very energetic today and we couldn’t get her to sleep. She also mentioned that she’d rather nap with her dad.

- Oh, you giggled. I’m sorry. She was extremely excited about school. And, well, she spent the whole summer with her dad so she’s gotten used to napping with him. Did she disturb the others ?

- She didn’t, the teacher assured you. I just let her draw quietly and she did just fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.

When you got back to the car, Lily was telling Marshall all about her day. She seemed to really love her teacher and classmates. She also proudly showed you a drawing she’d made. The two of you were absolutely smitten and reassured that she actually liked school. As soon as you got home, you offered to hang her beautiful drawing on the fridge and prepare some snacks for the three of you while they went to the living room.

When you walked in there, you found Marshall laying on the couch, Lily curled up on his chest, eyes closed, clutching her favorite stuffed animal. Your husband was tracing circles on your daughter’s back as she was sleeping peacefully. You lovingly looked at him, able to tell he was enjoying the contact. He threw a glance at you and smiled. After his little meltdown from earlier, you knew he needed this moment.

- Looks like someone needed a hug from her Dad, you said.

- First days of school are exhausting, he commented. She fell asleep in like three seconds.

- You’re enjoying this, aren’t you ? You said teasingly.

- Yeah, he hummed. She’s still my baby after all.

- She’ll always be your baby, you reassured him. She was your baby from the moment you first held her.

- It’s just so hard seeing her grow up, he shrugged. Soon enough, she won’t need me as much.

- Looks like you’ll still be needed for a while, you smiled as you pointed to the way Lily was clutching at him.

- Hopefully, yeah, he chuckled. Thanks for today, my love.

You smiled and cupped his face before gently ruffling Lily’s hair. He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and the two of you enjoyed her light snores, looking lovingly at each other.

- The teacher said our baby did very well today, you said proudly.

- Of course she did, he said smugly. She’s our daughter.

- She didn’t nap, though, you continued. Something about telling her teacher that she’d rather have her dad by her side for nap time.

The news brought the biggest smile to his face. He hugged Lily a little tighter while he stared at you with a shit-eating grin.

- She loves you so much, you know ? You said emotionally. I’m so glad you’re her dad. So happy that you’re here for her. And healthy too.

- Me too, he replied with a heartwarming smile. I love being her dad. And your husband, too. Now, how about you join us for nap time, wifey ?

You nodded and, though it took a little bit of flexibility and adjustments, you managed to fit on the couch, snuggled against your husband. You placed a hand against your daughter’s back and enjoyed the sight of her sleeping so peacefully. Seconds later, her soft snores were joined by Marshall’s and you let your eyes shut.

[noforkingclue]

Hey there! I’m back again with another request (only if you want to write it though!)

I was looking at the prompts you reblogged and thought that this one: "i know what having a crush feels like and this is nothing close..." "have you considered that it's because this is more than just a crush?" "stop talking." might be one that could work for either Tommy Shelby or Carmy from The Bear — whichever you feel it fits better with!!

I look forward to seeing who you choose! Thanks so much in advance if you choose to write it! 🥰

Of course I want to write this!!! I went with Carmy for this because the prompt gave me a chance to torture him slightly...

I hope you like the fic :)

Title: Misunderstandings

Prompt list: list

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary, @byebyebreezywrites, @spngingerbread21, @layazul, @lov3vivian, @simonsbluee

“Thanks Syd,” you said as you shrugged on your coat, “I really appreciate this. I owe you one big time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Syd said rolling her eyes but you could see the smile on your face, “you do owe me one.”

“Oi,” you paused just as you were about to leave, “where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

You looked over your shoulder and grinned at Richie. He gave you an unimpressed loo and tossed you a cloth.

“You going to fucking help us clear up or not?” he asked

“Can’t tonight.”

“I thought we’re a fucking team now?”

“Syd let me leave early as long as I come in early another day.”

You tossed the cloth back at him and Richie caught it onehanded.

“And also when did you actually help with closing?”

“I’m always here.” Richie said

“Sitting down and criticising our work isn’t ‘helping’. Now I’ve really got to be going.”

A chorus of goodbyes came from the others. You briefly made eye contact with Carmy and gave him a small smile. He quickly looked away and disappeared into the back. You felt a pang of sadness course through you. However, you didn’t have time to dwell on it. You were going to be late if you didn’t leave.

“So,” Richie turned to Syd after you had gone, “why the fuck was she allowed to leave early?”

“She didn’t say. Although it could be a date.”

A crash from the kitchen made everyone look over. Carmy stumbled out, face red when he realised that everyone was staring at him. The smirk of Richie’s face seemed to widen at the revelation of why Carmy had been hiding.

“A date,” Richie said, “well she kept that fucking quiet. Doesn’t she trust us?”

“Maybe it’s because it’s none of our fucking business.” Carmy said

“I thought you’d be interested in this, cousin.”

“Why the fuck would you think that?”

“With your massive fucking crush on her? Thought you’d want to know who your competition is.”

“I don’t have a fucking crush on her.”

Richie let out a snort of disbelief and Syd raised her eyebrows. A ripple of laughter rose from the others at Carmy’s denial.

“Nah,” Richie shook his head, “we can all fucking see it.”

“I know what having a crush feels like,” Carmy snapped, “and this is nothing close.”

“Have you considered that it’s because this is more than just a crush?” said Marcus

Carmy’s attention snapped over to Marcus who shrugged in acknowledgement.

“Shut up.” Carmy said but the words came out slightly choked

Immediately the rest of the staff burst out laughing. Richie tossed the cleaning cloth of Carmy and said,

“Then why the fuck don’t you go after her?”

“You think you’re in place to give him relationship advice?” said Tina

“And why the fuck can’t I?”

“She’s going on a date,” said Marcus, “You can’t do that when she’s about to see someone else.”

“She should’ve taken him here,” said Richie, “then you could see what you’re dealing with, cousin.”

“Why the fuck would she bring a date to work? That would be a shit date.” said Syd, “See, this is why we shouldn’t listen to you when it comes to these things.”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Carmy leant against the wall and ran a hand over his face as his staff dissolved into arguing. Was his feelings for you really that obvious? Clearly he hadn’t been doing as good of a job of hiding them as he originally thought.

“Besides, we don’t even know if she’s going on a date.” Syd’s voice echoed above the noise

“Wait, who’s going on a date and why didn’t anyone let me know about the gossip?”

Silence fell and everyone glanced towards the door. Carmy’s felt the blush slowly creep up his neck as the two of you locked gazes.

“Turns out my sister isn’t feeling well so we had to cancel our plans,” you said, “so I came back to pull my weight! So, who’s going to tell me what’s been going on?”

[love-strike]

favorite ✧ boo seungkwan

title: favorite pairing: boo seungkwan x afab reader rating: explicit (18+) word count: 3.6k genres: pwp, smut, boyfriend!kwan summary: "You've seen him do it a lot, but lately it makes you feel things. Like, deep down in the pit of your stomach things." aka: You want Seungkwan to be mean to you.

warnings under the cut.

general warnings: afab reader, reader wears a skirt and a thong 18+ warnings: hard dom bossy kwan, dirty talk, degradation, very slight humiliation, panties stuffed into mouth lol, name-calling, making out, oral (m. receiving, face fucking), breast/nipple play, fingering, orgasm denial, unprotected sex (missionary and doggy style), creampie

✎ mean and bossy dom kwan.... who else cheered? /claps/. this is the dirtiest thing i've written so sorry if it's a mess. i do it for my fellow boosadans though, please enjoy! ✎ beta'd and researched *coughs* by @fernspotsvt. :o) 💗 thank you bb

“He must be in a mood today,” Vernon says with a laugh from his spot beside you. The two of you are sitting and watching a soccer game between Chan, Jihoon, Mingyu, and Seungkwan. You already know that he's referring to your boyfriend, who you've been watching the whole time.

“Mmhm,” you hum affirmatively as Seungkwan makes eye contact with you from afar and winks, running his hand through his hair.

“Gross,” Vernon giggles and you hit him lightly. You have to admit that he's right — Seungkwan has been a bit aggressive tonight, mostly towards his friends. Your attention is taken again when you see him run up to Chan, say something with a serious expression and then point to a different spot on the field. The younger man nods and jogs over to the spot. To say your mind is reeling would be an understatement. They continue playing, and you continue watching your boyfriend shout across the yard throughout the game.

Your mind starts drifting involuntarily. You think about how Seungkwan is nothing but nice to you, but when you're around his friends he bickers with them and bosses them around to no end.

Emphasis on “bosses them around”.

You've seen him do it a lot, but lately it makes you feel things. Like, deep down in the pit of your stomach things.

Your focus is broken by Seungkwan running directly towards you with a huge grin on his face.

“You okay, baby?” he asks in a cute voice. You nod and smile back as he pecks you on the lips, then runs back to the group on the field.

The same thing happens later that night when all of you are eating. The table is arguing over something but Seungkwan is too focused on putting food on your plate.

“You need to eat,” he says a bit like he's scolding you. ”I haven't seen you eat anything the whole night.”

You can feel your face get warm as he clicks his tongue at you. Getting turned on while you’re trying to eat is definitely not your best moment. You shovel your face with the food he gave you as he watches you intently, grabbing your hand and squeezing it.

“Good job,” he says a bit quietly so that only you can hear it. You swallow thickly and try to change the direction of the conversation.

“Um, watching you play soccer was fun,” you say with a smile and he grins back at you.

“Really? You looked kinda bored, so I just assumed you weren't into it,” he pouts and it makes you laugh.

“I wasn't bored! Just… thinking,” you reply. When you see his curious expression you already know that you dug yourself a hole you can't get out of.

“About?”

You sigh in defeat. “I think I like seeing you boss people around,” you say in one breath and try not to cringe at your own words. His eyebrows shoot up at that.

Your conversation is quickly interrupted by Soonyoung.

“We're going back outside!” he says as he grabs the soccer ball. Seungkwan quickly stands up and takes your hand in his.

“We're actually about to go home, we have an early morning tomorrow,” he says with a glance over to your direction. He smirks at the sudden surprised expression on your face.

You quickly say your goodbyes to everyone and end up back in your car, Seungkwan practically dragging you along the whole way. When he sits down in the driver's seat, you open your mouth to say something but he quickly cuts you off.

“I'm gonna drive, and you're going to explain what you were thinking about earlier,” he says bluntly as he starts the car.

“Okay…” you reply warily. He doesn't seem angry, but his tone is very serious. “Um, I just meant that… I'm not used to seeing you act assertive but… it was kind of attractive.” You twiddle your fingers together as you speak.

“Oh?” he replies simply, like he's expecting you to continue.

“Yeah, and I thought about how you're always really nice and gentle with me,” you continue. “Please don't make me say any more,” you say with a pout.

His hand suddenly moves over and lands on your thigh. He rubs his hand up and down and squeezes a little. When you go to shift your legs a bit, Seungkwan clicks his tongue, eyes still looking ahead at the road.

“Don't move.”

He has the same tone as when he was barking at Chan earlier, and it makes your skin tingle. You nod silently and he smiles. His hand squeezes your thigh a bit harder, and then moves between your legs and into the skirt that you're wearing.

“Mmm,” he hums as his fingers ghost over your thin panties. “You wore a thong tonight even though you knew we were just seeing my friends?”

You choke out a quiet sound and try to squeeze your legs together. Seungkwan immediately pulls his hand from your skirt, placing it on your thigh and digging his fingers into your skin.

“Didn't I tell you to stay still?” he snaps at you and you groan quietly. “Now you'll sit there untouched until we get home.”

He really does have a mean streak, you think to yourself. For the rest of the short ride home, you make yourself sit still and instead let your mind race thinking about all the things your loving boyfriend might do to you. You can feel your already wet panties pressing against your skin.

Once you make it to your apartment, Seungkwan leads you inside without saying a word. He only speaks after taking you into the bedroom and shutting the door.

“Kneel on the floor,” he tells you as he takes off his jacket. You hesitate for a moment, but then ease yourself down onto the carpeted floor. He suddenly squats down in front of you to face you eye-level.

“Do you want me to be mean to you?” he says in that gentle voice that you're so used to. You swallow and force yourself to speak, knowing that he wants a concrete answer.

“Yes… I want to try it. I want you to boss me around and be aggressive,” you reply as you feel your face heating up by the second. He makes a little sound of affirmation and stands back up.

“Use our safe word if you need to, okay?” he concludes and you nod in reply. You're still extremely turned on, so you're secretly hoping that he'll hurry up and do something. With where he's standing, you're face-level with his pelvis and trying to not drool.

“Take my cock out of my pants, baby,” Seungkwan almost whispers, still holding that domineering tone from earlier. Your hands immediately move from your lap to unbutton and unzip his jeans, revealing his half hard erection. You want to touch it immediately, but you move your hands back down and look up to your boyfriend for more instructions. He lets out a little chuckle at your reaction.

“Put your hands on my thighs and open your mouth.”

You do exactly that, trying to ignore how dumb you feel sitting there with your jaw slack and mouth hanging open. The feeling makes you squeeze your thighs together for some relief as you stare up at Seungkwan. He takes his time teasing you, though.

He starts stroking himself slowly, and you watch a little bit of precum ooze out. He then puts one hand on the back of your head, taking his cock in the other to spread his precum on your lips. You can feel his eyes on you the entire time as you try to stay quiet. After he seems satisfied, he eases his hard cock into your open mouth. You close your lips around it and let your eyes flutter shut in relief.

“You take my directions so well, my good girl,” Seungkwan says in a breathy voice as he slowly moves his length in and out of your mouth. You moan a little at his words and shift your legs together even more. He laughs condescendingly and thrusts a little bit harder into your mouth.

“Stop squeezing your legs together and be patient,” he says and tightens his grip on your hair. “Or I’ll stop and leave you here alone with just your needy little pussy.”

You immediately whimper loudly and relax your legs, focusing instead on the man in front of you fucking your mouth. His cock hits the back of your throat and he moans loudly, sending a bolt of arousal down your spine. He keeps going even faster and you can feel your eyes begin to tear up.

“Already crying on my cock?” Seungkwan says with a teasing voice. “I thought you wanted this. Didn’t you want me to be mean to you?” You try your best to nod and mumble out an affirmative answer.

“Maybe I would be nicer,” he continues with a hard thrust, “if you hadn’t worn a cute little skirt and a thong to go see my friends.”

He finally pulls your mouth off of his cock and lets you take a deep breath, drool and precum all over your mouth. By now you have a few tears dripping down your face as well. You somehow still have your shaky hands placed on his thighs as you continue to take deep breaths and regain your sanity. Even though he’s supposed to be mean, Seungkwan is still nice enough to let you catch your breath before speaking.

“Strip and then get on the bed,” Seungkwan says nonchalantly as he starts taking off his own clothes. You quickly scramble to get up and strip down to your underwear. You go to take off your panties before he stops you in your tracks.

“Give me those.”

You pull them off and shakily hand them over, and he motions for you to get on the bed. Finally completely naked, you crawl onto the bed and sit up straight, watching him. It feels like a lifetime before Seungkwan finally sits next to you. He holds up the thong that you gave him so that it's right in front of your face. Your hands immediately go to cover your face in embarrassment as you groan.

“Do you see how wet this is?” he says, making no move to pull your hands down from your face. He waits until you finally do look, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

“Yes,” you reply quietly and he smiles devilishly.

“Open your mouth,” he coos and you do so without thinking. He hums a little. “You're already so good at listening to me, sweetie.”

He slowly pushes your thong into your mouth, making sure to put the soaking wet part first so that you can taste yourself. He leaves most of the fabric hanging out of your mouth before pushing your jaw up to close your lips. You can't help but let out a whining sound when Seungkwan looks down at you with a lustful expression on his face.

“Don't worry,” he says with a teasing tone. “I'll only leave those in your mouth while I fuck you with my fingers.”

You nod dumbly in reply and open your legs a little, which makes him laugh. One of his hands reaches down between your legs.

“Can you imagine what my friends would think if they found out that you like to be bossed around?” he whispers as he runs a single finger through your wetness. “Or how wet you get when I'm mean to you?”

Your stomach flips at his words and you hate how much the thought turns you on.

“Play with your tits while I finger you,” he orders and watches your face as he suddenly eases two fingers inside of you. Letting out a loud moan, your brain goes blank with pleasure before you can register what he said.

“Oh? Are you too dumb to do that?”

Your pussy clenches tightly around his fingers and you quickly move both of your hands to your breasts, letting out a little whimper of embarrassment. He sets a moderate pace with his fingers as you start rubbing your own nipples, the pleasure already making your head spin.

“You're all fucked out and you haven't even had my cock yet,” Seungkwan says with a laugh. The fact that he’s right again annoys you to no end. “It might be fun to just do this all night and never fuck you.”

You quickly moan out loud and shake your head. He smiles and plants a kiss on your head.

“It's okay, baby. I may be mean but I'm still gonna fuck you tonight,” he remarks as he pulls his fingers out of you. You whine at the suddenly empty feeling as he scoots himself to sit next to you and gently pulls your thong out of your mouth. Seungkwan pulls you into a deep kiss and wipes the drool off your mouth.

“Are you okay?” he says quietly as he stares into your eyes, checking your expression. Your heart skips a beat and you could almost cry at how sweet he is.

“I am, I promise,” you reply, voice a little raspy. “I'm really turned on…”

He licks his lips at your words and nods. Instead of immediately going to put his cock inside of you, he takes your face in his hand and squeezes a little.

“Say ah,” he says and you do as you're told. He then puts his tongue deeply in your mouth as far as possible as he kisses you. You moan desperately, wrapping your hands around his neck to keep him there. You're so used to kissing Seungkwan constantly during sex that it feels weird not to. After a moment of making out, he pulls back and gently lays you back down. You spread your legs expectantly, but instead of going for it immediately, he grabs a pillow and puts it under your hips. He then takes your legs and pushes your knees up to your shoulders, practically bending you in half.

“Be a good girl and hold yourself open for me, okay?” You nod eagerly and grab your own legs.

“Fuck,” Seungkwan curses as he places his cock at your entrance and begins to slide it in. Once he's all the way in, you can't help but gasp at how deep he is inside of you. You both moan in unison as he begins thrusting, the feeling of intense pleasure making your brain go fuzzy. You feel tears start to well up in your eyes again.

You moan Seungkwan's name over and over as he fucks you, trying your best to keep a grip on your legs. You suddenly feel your own orgasm building in your core.

“I'm so — can I cum, p-please?” you say with a sob as you feel your pussy twitch uncontrollably. Your boyfriend clicks his tongue at you and shakes his head firmly.

“No, you're not cumming until I'm finished with you,” he grunts back at you and you bite your lip in restraint. You're not sure how you're going to hold back from climaxing, but you don't want to disappoint Seungkwan either.

“You should be smart enough to have self control, hm? Or maybe you only think with that slutty cunt of yours,” he says in a breathy voice that makes you clench even more.

“I won't cum, I promise,” you reply with a little sob as tears roll down your face. He chuckles and lightly pats you on your tear stained cheek. After a few more minutes of fucking deeply into you, he pulls out and takes a breath. As soon as he does, your hands fall and your legs flop down onto the bed. Before you know it, you feel a tongue slide up your sensitive pussy and you choke out a moan.

“Poor little thing, you're so swollen here,” Seungkwan says, voice dripping with a mocking tone. He moves away from between your legs, putting both hands on you to roll you over onto your stomach. You feel something stir inside you again when he manhandles you so easily.

“You don't have to worry about a thing,” he coos as he pulls your hip upwards. “Just keep these hips raised for me so I can fuck you.”

You moan and bury your face in the pillow below you as your arch your back.

“Uh-uh, not like that,” your boyfriend says as he threads a hand into your hair and pulls your head up. “Don't hide your face.”

You feel your face heat up with a mixture of shame and arousal — your eyes are still watery, and your body is tense with the desire to cum.

Finally, you feel Seungkwan's cock re-enter you with a harsh movement as his hips slap repeatedly against your ass. Your whimpers are drowned out by his loud groans and the wet sounds of him moving inside of you. You're struggling to keep your head off the pillow and he’s not making it any easier.

Suddenly, you feel Seungkwan's chest against your back as he presses his index and middle fingers to your lips. You get the hint and immediately take his fingers into your mouth, desperate for something to suck on. He moans your name loudly and keeps pressing down on your tongue until you gag a little.

“So good, shit,” he grunts into your ear. “My sweet girl, you just need me to take care of you, right?”

You feel the knot in your stomach tighten even more, your vision blurry with tears and your face messy with drool. You're not sure how you're going to keep yourself from cumming any longer.

“Were you imagining me doing this to you earlier tonight, even when you were sitting and talking to Vernon?” Seungkwan asks suddenly and the question takes you by surprise. You nod madly and mumble out a yes as much as you can with your mouth still full of his fingers.

“Mmm, I wish I could've known earlier how perverted you are,” he groans as his thrusting continues and his fingers press down on your tongue even more. “But now I know, and now I'll fuck you like this whenever you want.”

You feel his cock twitching a bit as he fucks into you, and you let out a breath of relief knowing that you'll be able to orgasm soon. He finally pulls his fingers out of your mouth and lets your head fall down onto the pillow.

“Don't cum until I do, okay?” Seungkwan whispers, voice husky in your ear as he speeds up. “Once I'm done filling your pussy up, then you can cum.”

You nod as much as you can with your head still pushed into the fabric below you. The only thing you can manage to think about right now is Seungkwan cumming inside you. He continues his grunting in your ear, getting louder by the second and making the coil in your stomach tighten even more. After a few more seconds of rutting his cock inside you, he lets out a loud moan of your name as you feel him shoot thick ropes of cum inside your walls. He grinds his hips against you until he's completely finished.

“Cum for me, baby,” he breathes into your ear, cock still deep inside of you. His hand reaches down to circle your swollen clit and after three measly strokes, you let out a loud cry; your orgasm hits you so hard that your whole body tenses and you feel a gush of wetness leave you. You let out a broken sob as you shudder and all you can hear is Seungkwan cursing while he runs his hands down your body in awe.

“So sexy,” he whispers as he watches you come down from your high. You suddenly feel so worn out that you could fall asleep immediately. Seungkwan gently pulls out of you and rolls you over.

“Sweetie, are you okay?” he asks as he lays next to you and faces you. “Was that too much?”

He looks so extremely concerned at your tired state that you want to laugh, but don't have the energy to.

“I'm okay,” you reply with a pleased smile. “That was amazing.”

He takes an obvious deep breath of relief and grins back at you.

“I'm glad. Do you wanna take a bath right now, or go to sleep?” Seungkwan asks as he strokes your hair. He's back to the same gentle and sweet guy that you've always known him as.

“Wanna sleep,” you mumble. You then suddenly feel a trickle of cum run down your leg, causing you to visibly cringe. “Maybe a bath then sleep.”

He laughs at your reaction and pulls you upwards to help you walk go the bathroom.

“I'll wash your back, baby,” he says with a wink that makes you want to smack him on the arm.

You do end up letting him wash your back, and you don’t exactly hate the way he sings to you while he does it.

[james-is-here]

Hybrid Chan, who use to belong to your parents, when you take him to go run in the open and you just stay on the dirt "Parking Lot", more of a dirt patch, and he looks at you worriedly with a head tilt.

"I am not following you. Go run." You both care and don't care about hybrids. You see them as humans and you see them as animals. Chan Whines and snaps his jaw at you with a small huff of what you think is a bark. "No." He trots up to you, gently taking your sleeve between his teeth and pulling. "Would you stop!" You snap and pull your arm away from him and he whimpers. "Just go on your stupid run before I leave you here." You wouldn't actually, you can't do that to your mom. You were only doing this for her since she's in the hospital and it's been a few days since he was able to run more than the backyard.

Chan whimpers, sniffing you hand when it falls back to your side before looking up at you with his sad wolf eyes then turning and running further out in the field.

You huff, sitting on the broken, dirty parking block that lines the start of the field as you watch him run around, stopping to smell the ground then returning back to running around. You pull out your phone after half an hour of watching the wolf when it rang.

"Ln Mn?" "Yes, this is him." "Hi, Mn, this is Josie, your mother's nurse." "O-Oh, Is everything okay?" "I'm sorry, Mn..." "W-What..." You didn't want to ask, you knew what she was going to say next, you just didn't want to hear it. "Um, She's gone, Dear. I'm really sorry. She coded and we tried everything possible but...She's gone..." You could hear that she was trying to hold back tears, She's been looking after your mother for years now. "No...No, Josie, p-please..." You were in denial, you knew that. "I'm really sorry, Mn...Um, your brother is on his way to her home and I'm gonna meet him there to discuss the next course of action. Will you be there?"

You were silent, staring at Chan who was standing a couple feet away from you, panting before he closes his mouth and tilts his head in the cute way you've secretly grew to find adorable. "I-I'm w-with her...M-My hybrid, at the moment I..." A choked sobs escapes you and before your eyes squeeze shut and your tears fall you see Chan immediately take off towards you. "Okay, Mn. Take your time, yeah? Your brother can probably handle everything so just...take care of yourself and Chan, yeah?" You let out a weak noise before she says goodbye and hangs up.

You sob, dropping your arm and your phone as you curl in on yourself. Chan whimpers and paws at your shoe before you hear the telltale sign that he's shifting. "Mnie?" You lift your arms, hands on your face as you crying into your palms. "Sh-She's gone, Ch-Chan...M-Mom, is g-go-" A heavy sob stops you from saying it again as you drop your hands.

Chan was sitting on his knees, arms folding onto each other on his thighs in front of his stomach, leaning forward to look at you with that precious head tilt, his left ear atop his head folding over and the right falling to it's natural shape. "Channie..." You reach for him and he immediately moves to lay his head on your lap so you can play with his hair and ears. Chan is ecstatic, trying to stop his tail from wagging cause you haven't asked to pet him or doing it willingly in years, not since you were younger.

You brush your hands through his hair before patting his head. "I-I need..." He sits up, waiting for you to finish. "I-I'm sorry that I-I haven't b-been th-the nicest to you as I got older." "It's okay." "Can...Can you hold me? L-Like mom use to have you do when I was a kid?" "Yeah- I-I mean yes, yes I can." A small smile graces you lips when you notice his excitement.

You move your legs over his, curling into him as he wraps his arms around you and buries his face in your shoulder. You hold back a small laugh when you can hear his tail brushing the dirt around behind him.

"So where will I go? I-I understand if you...leave me somewhere..." His tail stops and he seems to unknowingly hold you tighter, not wanting to hear you give him up. "You'll stay with me..." "Really?" "Yeah. I'm not gonna give you up. My mom found you and raised you. I know I wasn't the nicest to you as I grew older...but I'm gonna change."

You lean back slightly to look up at the hybrid. "Are you okay with staying with me?" "I am! I definitely am I just never got to ask your mom something." "What is it?" "Well...Her neighbors dog hybrid is being abused...He's always outside and I tend to jump the fence to lay with him and keep him warm...Can we take him in as well?" "Uh...sure. We could report the neighbors too. What's his name?" "Seungmin. He's an adorable retriever hybrid, he even told me he has a wild fox friend that comes to visit him in his backyard." "That's sweet. Only this puppy though, yeah? Mom said she was gonna give me the house and there's not a lot of room."

You lay back on his shoulder and look out to the field. "Yeah...Just Seungmin."

Five months later, you managed to be looking after Chan, Seungmin, his fox friend Jeongin, your old co-workers Ferret Hyunjin, the neighborhood stray cat Felix and his Squirrel friend Jisung, a bunny named Minho that Chan found on his run, and a stray "scary" Pitbull hybrid named Changbin who was the cutest sweetheart you've taken in once he learned that you really were nice and weren't gonna hurt him.

[spideyzgirl]

that first kiss

summary: you and peter reminisce about your first kiss, but you both have very different takes on it.

warnings: fluff, a lil angst

pairing: tom!peter x reader

wc: 891

masterlist | taglist

“hey y/n, look at this.” peter beckoned you over, showing you his phone. it was a picture of you two together on your very first date.

“aw, look at us! that’s our first date, yeah? we were so cute.” you gushed. “is that the time we watched wonder? you cried your ass off at the end.”

“rightfully so. he made friends, and for the first time everyone accepted him.” peter said as he teared up.

“are we really doing this right now?” you sighed.

“he got a standing ovation.” he wiped a tear away and sniffled, clearing his throat when he noticed you trying to suppress your laughter.

“hey, do you remember our first kiss?”

“how could i forget it?” you shrugged. “it was so, uh…”

“sloppy.” you spoke.

“perfect.” peter said at the same time.

“wait, what? did you just say sloppy?” peter gasped.

“well, yes? you have to admit, it wasn’t our best.”

“i can’t believe this. after all this time, i’m just now hearing about this? i’m- i’m heartbroken, honestly.” he slapped his hands over his heart dramatically, flopping onto your shared bed.

“oh come on peter,” you giggled. “we were playing seven minutes in heaven. that’s like the shittiest way to have your first kiss.”

“i beg to differ. i think it was quite romantic, actually. we were so close, wrapped in each others warmth.”

“that’s my main point. we were cramped up in a small wardrobe. our breaths were turning it into a sauna. hot, sweaty, and steamy.”

“but it was comforting, right?”

“wrong.”

“it was so intimate. our bodies were literally pressed together.”

“yes, due to the lack of space. we couldn’t even breathe without our chests touching each others, which gave my boobs a great deal of discomfort by the way.”

“but i swear i heard angels singing. no wonder it’s called seven minutes in heaven.”

“those weren’t angels, that was me wheezing for air. we were suffocating, peter. i think we were trying to steal air from each others mouths when we kissed.” you laughed.

“i think you’re lying.” peter smirked.

“and i think you’re in denial. we’ve had better kisses and you know it.”

“that’s it. you’re on a kiss ban until you admit you liked our first kiss.” peter declared, sauntering off into the kitchen.

“what? you can’t do that!” you exclaimed, following him shortly after he left.

“can too! let’s see how long you can last before you break and tell the truth.”

“this is ridiculous. you think you can stop me from-“ you tried to steal a kiss swiftly, but his lightning quick reflexes had you kissing a cereal box.

“banned!” he shouted, fleeing to the bedroom.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

from morning to night, you’d been livid. you woke up to a sticky note on your forehead, a note scribbled in peters messy handwriting: sorry, had to leave early to be new yorks hero this morning. you missed out on your goodbye kiss since you wanted to be a naughty little liar last night <3

jerk.

you’d been waiting for him all day to get home, ready to chew him out for dragging this situation into the next day. it was funny at first, but now he had taken it too far. those morning kisses meant a lot to you. even when you were taken over by sleep, you were still aware of when he left a quick kiss to your forehead or cheek.

peter never really knew if you even felt the kisses or not, but he still did it anyway. it was the sweetest thing ever, and he took that away from you.

as he crept into the bedroom window, you entered the room at the same time, just finishing your skincare routine in the bathroom. you gasped upon seeing him and darted towards your bed, grabbing multiple pillows to throw at him.

“hey cutie, i’m back- hey!” he effortlessly dodged a pillow. “what the hell?”

“jerk! what kind of boyfriend deprives his girl of her morning kisses?” you threw another pillow at him, which he caught.

“i told you, you were on ban, but-“ you threw another pillow, hitting him right in his face. “really?”

“fuck your stupid ban! you took it too far. you’re so childish!” you fussed, tossing two pillows at him.

“says the one sending pillows flying all over the room. also, i never realized how many pillows we had.” he ripped his mask off and tossed it elsewhere.

peter gave you a sympathetic smile when he saw you doing that cute little “i’m upset but i want your attention” pout. “alright honey,” he walked over to you, engulfing you in his arms. “i’m sorry, okay? i didn’t know how much those morning kisses meant to you, and i didn’t really mean to drag this ban on for so long. so from this moment on, the kissing ban has officially been lifted. you are free to kiss. am i forgiven?”

“yes,” you pressed a long overdue kiss to his lips, humming when he ran a soothing hand over your back. “but never do that again. and don’t you ever leave me without my morning kiss again. you hear me?” you squinted at him, & he nodded.

“yes ma’am. and hey, was our first kiss really that bad?”

“i was wheezing for air. let that sink in.”

taglist 🏷️

@niallhoransupremacy @raajali3 @crazyknight @evermoresilk @hqllandxx @popeheywardssecretgf @sukiinet @luvhann @tellmeonce @tiredofc0ffee @saliciaknows @eatasockortwo @timotheechalametswife @fairydxll @lnmp89 @tomhollandsslut @chaostudee @ayle4231 @powerpuffluuvv @aurelie39 @eviewriites

[empressgetou]

A LIFETIME

shinichiro x girlfriend reader

at the age of 25, shinichiro still feels like a highschooler whenever he's around y/n. he gets shy by the thought of her and sweats like buckets when she's near him. can y/n really blame him though, she is his greatest love or what he says.

today, however is just a bit extra for shin, he had thought about it for days. he thinks it's finally time for him to man up finally and propose to his one true love after all these years of being a wimp.

he couldn't even understand himself why he still feels this way towards her, they have known each other when they were still little kids and yet his feelings is just as the way it was since then. he was just too whipped.

it was any normal day in highschool, shin with his 3 trusted friends and y/n currently having their lunch at the rooftop.

"i'm definitely gonna ask that girl on a date in the other class." shin decided to break the glass earning snickers from his friends while y/n just listened to their conversation.

"that's literally the 20th girl you've tried to date over our highschool years. there's no way she's even going to talk to you." waka jumps into conclusion.

"one more strike and you're out man." takeomi added.

"graduation is just around the corner shin, who knows maybe after this, that girl s'gonna go somewhere far away or something, you never know." benkei reasoned.

"somewhere far away from him that's for sure." again, waka teased his friend and they all laughed again earning a pout from their leader.

"yeah, you laugh your hearts out idiots. i'm gonna be laughing at your face once she says yes. and besides i'm pretty confident about this one. just the other day, i saw a letter at my locker and i tell you man, she was their looking at me holding the letter. i'm sure it was her." that made y/n stiffened but pretended to be normal still eating her lunch.

"just because you saw her doesn't mean it was actually her who wrote you the letter."

"besides since when did you get letters anyway???"

"you guys are too much for me. leave a man and his future love blossom be alright? and duh it's not only you who receives letter waka!"

"so, where'd ya wanna go after shin?"

"ahh... sorry y/n i thought well maybe you should go home first?"

"hmm, why– oh you guys having a meeting? i could wait for you."

"uhmm actually i was going to meet maya, you're classmate, who sent me letters, you remember?"

yeah, no that wasn't maya who sent the letters. she thought.

little to shinichiro's knowing, those letters were actually from y/n. well y/n isn't going to tell him that sooner, she just recently realized that she have feelings for his best friend. for years of being in denial, she finally accepted how she truly feels. but like an idiot he is, he thought it was someone else's letter of confession for him.

"uhuh yeah that girl hehe. okay, i'll see you later?"

"uhmm then after that i'm also having a meeting with the guys, sooo tomorrow?" he sheepishly said rubbing the back of his neck.

"oh yeah it's cool. it's the weekend anyway, i'll bring dorayaki for manjirou." she says sweetly and bid her goodbyes.

"you can take care of yourself on the way home right?" he asked worriedly and catches up to her holding her elbows that sparked her heart with the sudden touch.

"mmm yeah, i'll be fine. s'not like i'm gonna get in trouble while walking or anything." they both laughed.

"sure. i'll see you tomorrow. text me when you got home, sweet!"

"i will! and tell me all about your date after!"

y/n went to get ice cream before she sulked into her bedroom at home and when she's about to turn into their street she heard some thugs calling out to her.

"hey you!" she whipped her head to where the noises of bikes came from.

"you're with that black dragons leader?" asked the man who seems to be annoyed and is with a few bunch of men behind him giving lustful looks that made y/n cringe at that sight.

is he tryin to insult me? if i were shin's girlfriend, i wouldve cried myself out every time. she thought pasting an annoyed look to the guy.

"yeah no, if i were, i would've told everybody i met on the streets"

"fiesty one eh, boys? that's what we like, a little challenge." they all snickered.

she was about to go on her way when she was pulled back suddenly by the man making her look up to him.

"it's best if you release me before i do something unbearable to you." making her glare at him and made the men bursted into laughter as if they were being threatened by a kitten.

he was about tighten his grip onto her when a loud roar of engine was heard and stopped right in front of them.

she saw a familiarity of the wheels and a figure of a man, who looks exactly like her in male version, got out of it making her sigh thinking it'll be a full of scolding later back at their home.

"why don't you scumbags scram before i crack your heads?"

the man holding the woman seemed to saw the tattoo by the neck of the man who just parked.

"it's a red spider lily gang." whispered the other men at the back.

"let's go." he unhanded his grip onto the woman and ran to his bike and drove away without looking back.

when they were out of sight y/n look back at him again only to see meet his glare towards her.

"get in the car." said the man, his brother called out and without any other word she went inside and went home.

the next day, y/n found herself walking up to her neighbors house. holding a few snacks which is mostly dorayaki and few strawberry flavored juices for the kids, specially mikey since he's a hungry kid.

stepping up inside their gates she heard a few voices by the dojo hall, she then went straight ahead and jirou, keisuke, and emma already seeing her figure making them shout.

"y/n you're here!"

"hiii y/n!"

"y/n did you bring dorayaki?"

she smiled and greeted the kids back as well as grampa who is busy teaching the other kids.

"is shin here?" she asked curiously not seeing the teen inside the dojo.

"he's probably in the garage again ditching my class." grampa grumbled.

she bid them goodbye as soon as possible since she doesn't want to bother their class and went to the garage. nearing the location she can already hear a frustrated clanking of the tools.

"keep that up and you're gonna ruin it." her sudden voice was heard making shin jump to surprise and whipping his head at the back making y/n giggle.

ah that laugh. he thought.

"watcha doing?" leaning to his side a little too close making shinichiro a but weird to his feeling.

"a-ah. you know just tampering here and there hehe." rubbing his nape

"or maybe sulking?" she teases.

"hey! yesterday was actually embarrassing you know! she told me it wasn't even her who sent me those letters."

"maybe because it was actually another person and you just assumed it was her." she suggested.

silence.

"are you suggesting that you knew who sent me those?"

"well i kinda have an idea who might be."

he stopped working and raises his head towards her urging her to continue.

"it was. it was me." she whispered so quietly just enough for the both of them could hear.

and now 7 years have gone by and shinichiro and y/n's relationship had never been better. emma, baji, and manjirou are already in highschool and has formed a gang, and their friends come by at their house every time.

he also met izana along the way and convinced him to stay and is now living with them for almost 3 years now. shin already retired from being a black dragon's leader but is still famous and well respected around. he already put up his motorcycle shop just around the block and is doing pretty good.

shinichiro would initiate to have a day out or a trip to the beach once every month and ends up everyone going with them. the girls are pretty close with y/n considering the girls either don't have an older sister, is the only girl or the youngest in their families. the boys too are head over heels for her making shin envy most of the time since she give attention more to the high school kids rather than him.

it's true that it was stressing managing to have a day out since y/n has to take care of some babies with him (mainly shinichiro ft. manjirou and izana bantering every now and then) but at the end of the day she would be looking at them happily and delightedly since they get to bond with everyone.

now back to their house, everyone is excited. emma and hinata are in charge of the food in the kitchen. yuzuha, senju, luna, and mana on the decorations.

mitsuya and draken on the grill outside and the others are just being a nuisance honestly. rindou on the other side of the house preparing for the music to be played later while his brother and their friends tryna distract him.

takeomi, waka, and benkei already started their drinking session but not too much for them to get drunk for later's main event.

shinichiro already instructed baji and was on his was to fetch y/n from the mall around 10 minutes ago. baji was told to act as if izana and mikey fighting again and ruined their beloved kitchen that made y/n worry.

shin looking at his surrounding seeing everyone having fun and getting ready for everything they needed swells his heart. he had been preparing for her birthday, he wouldn't let anything ruin this perfect day now. all he has to do now is actually prepare himself.

hearing a loud roar of engine signals baji and y/n's arrival making everyone stop what they were doing and going into their places switching off all the lights.

manjirou and izana can be seen outside because of the moon's shining, holding each others neck as if they were to kill each other at any point.

"guys seriously, i don't wanna deal with this right now. why don't we head inside and sort this out." y/n already annoyed and separated the two and proceeds inside the house.

darkness was the first thing she sees and nagged the three boys again.

"if the kitchen were burning why did you actually even bother to switch the light off and where's grampa?" already smelling the burnt food that emma had to prepare to make it believable.

she was about to flip the switch on when they all shouted.

"happy birthday y/n!!!"

"surprise!!!"

shock was all over her face and before she could utter a word, luna and mana already walking towards her with a cake in their hands that says, "happy birthday and congratulations y/n and shin!" that made her confused.

"huh?" looking around for her lover who was already kneeling behind her. surprised and her eyes are on the verge of tears at this point.

"make sure you make it short! we're already starving here!" manjirou butted in that made everyone laughing while shinichiro just ignored not letting him ruin his mood and proceeded his speech.

"to be honest, i'm really nervous that i already forgot what was i supposed to say here." staring into her eyes that earned a few chuckle from her and the others.

"y/n i never would've thought that my best friend since i was a kid would end up being my girlfriend as of today. i was always looking for a missing piece not knowing it was you all along that completes me. i'm thankful for you, for being there for me, by my side, supporting me, and helping me whenever i need. for always patching me up whenever i'm covered in bruises, but you scolding me is much more painful than those bruises i earned. y/n you are the love of my life, and because of you, you made my life a living fairy tale in this world full of nightmares and i'm talking about those two boys." he stopped for a moment and looked at his two brothers and they all snickered.

"y/n i promise to love you a bit more every single day of my life and take care of you and our family. it sounds cliché, but i want to spend the rest of my sunrise and sunsets with you, if you'd let me... y/n, sweetheart, the love of my life. will you mar-"

"yess!!! oh my god yesss!!" she hugged him while he was still kneeling making them plop down.

"you didn't even let me finished" they both laughed.

"i couldn't wait any longer. i will marry you shin." she smiled so sweetly and shinichiro insert the ring that fitted perfectly into her finger.

everyone clapped, shouted congratulations to the couple and confetti's popped all over the places. she look all over the place and saw grandpa sano and y/n's family in the back also mingling and clapping for both of them.

the three teenage sano's went forward and hugged them both tight congratulating and teasing their older brother making y/n laughed.

they both sure do have a lifetime to spend this fairy tale of a life with their little nightmares.

masterlist

[its-freaking-jordan]

Hello there :) I hope you’re having a fantastic day :) would it be okay if I could request headcanons of the upper moons + muzan finding out their lover has been reincarnated with no previous memories of meeting them 💙💙

Yess I cannn.

Also, Ima do Hantengu and his clones as well, including Zohakuten, but platonic, same with Daki and her brother.

Upper moons + Muzan finding out their lover has been reincarnated with no previous memories of meeting them.

Modern day AU

Muzan

Considering him and Kagaya are somewhat related, he works at the Kimetsu Academy, as Vice principal. I know Nakime is vice and Kagaya wife is principal but just role with me here.

Once he heard that there is going to be a new staff member, he didn’t care at all..until he heard your name.

He was completely skeptical about it actually being you at first, until he saw you.

Istg he was in denial upon hearing your name.

When you came in, his jaw dropped completely. He wanted to approach you, but he still had work to do until he was on break that’s when he was going to speak with you.

Once his break came, best believe he was running through them halls trying to find you. When he did, he found you alone in the library just reading a book.

You heard the library open, looking up to be faced with Muzan. You swore that he looked familiar but you couldn’t put your finger on it.”Umm..May I help you sir?.” Muzan looked dumbfounded that you didn’t recognize him but he sucked it up, to just have a small conversation with you. Once his break was over he excused himself and walked off. He was pissed honestly that you didn’t recognize him in the slightest but you remembered everyone else.

Kokushibo

One word..hate.

He blames himself every time he sees you.

He knows it’s not you fault, that you can’t remember him but he still takes the blame.

He never knew how to approach you, he had to take advice from Doma and Akaza..because he’s socially awkward..

How yall met was actually because of Muzan, he found you and, drove where ever you was staying at, back to Japan to meet up with the “Demons.”

But back on board.. He takes you out as a date, but you just don’t know it’s a date.

You both were sitting on a bench by a lake, watching a sunset. Kokushibo(Michikatsu) noticed the you kept on staring at him. He didn’t know if you felt uncomfortable around him or what. “Is there a reason why you are looking at me?…” “Sorry, Michikatsu..You kinda remind me of someone, you know that right?” Upon him hearing that, he had a little hope that you remembered him, but then again he has a twin brother that you can possibly be talking about which made his heart sink. But that doesn’t stop him from taking you on those dates.

Douma

He thinks your playing with him.

He still keeps that fake ass smile on his face, but on the inside he’s fuming.

Still makes efforts to talk with you, which he succeeded in.

Once he figures out that you actually don’t remember who he is, he literally stops when he was doing, stopped smiling and just stares at you.

“Ah you always know how to make me laugh Y/N…(he’s heartbroken.) How about I take you out to eat tomorrow?” “Sure! There’s a new place that opened up actually, I didn’t know who else to take, so why not you?” You both waved off goodbye, and he just felt like tearing up a little but he refused to let that happen. But you both grew into a new relationship in your new life and he wasn’t happier than before.

Akaza

He has a wife…Idk if I should do it poly or he broke up with her honestly… Poly

When he heard that Koyuki found a new friend who was new to Japan, he didn’t think much of it, but he was happy that his wife made a new friend.

One day Koyuki invited you over to her house, to introduce you to Akaza(Hakuji).

Once he saw you, he wanted to walk out right then and there, he was too stunned to speak. He tried to speak with you, but you didn’t know who he was, so you only did small talk.

It made his entire body itch.

You would often hang out with them whenever they go out.

You ended joining their relationship after a whole year of knowing them better.

Hantengu

He wanted to cry, when he saw you.

He had no hope that he would actually see you in a new life, until he was proven wrong.

I think he like too much of a coward to actually approach and talk with you, so I think he had his sons (The clones) to go in and ask for you. (He sent Karaku and Aizetsu)..

I think he would like to take you on small walks and buy you gifts here and there.

Yes he still shriek when he’s scared, so you would often comfort him at those times..

Sekido+Karaku+Aizetsu*Urogi

(poly-ish and Zohakuten sees you as a sibling)

They all were visibly upset, but Sekido was fuming.

Believe it or not but Zohakuten found you. He was leaving school, walking to his brother house and you offered to drop him off home..

Sekido is furious, he thinks your joking with him honestly.

Aizetsu is depressed. He would try not to break down in front of you, or the others.

Urogi is devastated. He puts on a fake smile around you, but when your not at their house he’s just frowning..

Karaku is flat out heartbroken. He’s wondering if he or his ‘brothers’ done something that you forgotten about them all.

Zohakuten is just mad at himself because his ‘sibling’ doesn’t remember him at all.

They will still make efforts to try to revive their relationships with you, without them showing any signs of sadness.

Aizetsu would just want to cry when he first approached you, and you didn’t remember him.

Gyokko

I kid you not this mf is a comedian and a artist. But you heard him say a few jokes to a crowd and then he saw you.

He was unsure if that was actually you until you introduced yourself to him.

He was shocked that you forgotten about him..

But he brushes it off thinking that you had a-lot of stuff to do so you probably forgot about a-lot of stuff, which he understands.

But it broke him honestly.

He still take you out whenever he does his art of goes out all his way just to make you laugh.

Like I said..Mf is heartbroken, whenever you leave from y’all little “dates” he cries almost all the time.

But yall slowly build your relationship, but he still feels sad that you forgotten about him and, feels as if something was still missing.

Daki and Gyutaro

They both were confused about the whole thing at first… Daki was happy honestly, she approached you all happy and bubbly but you just had a confused look on your face and, shoved her off not hard.

Gyutaro then apologized to you saying “I’m sorry man.. My sister thought you were somebody else.. But what’s your name? I never seen you around here?”

He lied obviously, he knew it was you, but he needed a lie to not embarrass his sister as much as she did already.

You actually believed him and then the three of you started to hangout at school normally.

Daki felt a certain way that you don’t remember either of them, she would just cross her arms over her chest and huff.

Gyutaro actually kept a his feelings hidden quite well around you.. Back when you were Demon/Human, you would always compliment him, because he was insecure about himself and it would boost his ego, along with his sisters as well.

Daki is terrible at hiding her current feelings, once you said that you didn’t know who either of them were, she was shocked.. and then cried, saying that you’re a liar and you were just playing games with them.

But now it’s almost the same as how it was in y’all previous lives, you still close to them but they still feel a certain way that you don’t remember a thing about them. But they are also happy that you don’t remember anything about being in a terrible world back then.