#it's awful and it's shitty and i'm sad and angry and frustrated

[kinnbig]

I haven't really been posting about the Build & Poi situation for my own sanity, but I do want to talk, quickly, about a couple of things.

I’m posting this for a couple of reasons. Firstly, because despite having said very, very little about this whole thing, I know that I've been marked as an "anti" and added to blocklists of people who are supposedly “hostile”; not just towards Build but also towards other people on this site who they disagree with; and I wanted to clear that up a bit. Secondly, because when Poi first spoke up I made a few posts talking about it, but I’ve been relatively quiet since. I don’t want anyone to think that I’ve ‘gone silent’ on the issue now. 

I’m not a particularly big blog. I don’t have a huge number of followers. But the number of anons I’ve received about this situation and the things I’ve heard are being said about me are unprecedented and honestly really overwhelming, and so I just wanted to make sure I’d said what I wanted to say.

Firstly, regardless of my opinion on Build - I want to emphasise that I have never been hostile or aggressive towards anyone else in regards to this situation (or at all!). I haven't been involved in hate campaigns, in spreading misinformation, or in targeting or gossiping about or sending hate to "pro-Build" accounts or to Build himself.

When Poi first spoke up, I expressed disagreement with those whose initial reaction was to immediately jump to Build's defence and accuse her of lying. I posted that Poi deserved to be believed, regardless of anyone's individual dislike of her as a person. I also mentioned that I thought responses of "I told you so" from people who had always disliked Build were unhelpful.

I have never said anything about people who chose to refrain from making judgement, who wanted to wait for more information, or who didn't have anything to say at all. 

Although I had my personal views, I also had nothing but sympathy and understanding for people who couldn't or didn't want to make judgments right away. I had been a big fan of Build's, but I had never been a 'stan', and I completely recognised how much more painful and emotional it must have been for those who were bigger fans than I was.

My only “disagreement” was with those responding to a woman accusing a man they liked of abuse by attacking her, and with those who responded almost gleefully to abuse allegations because they proved them right (though again, I didn't reference or argue with or mention any individuals in either case).

But I know that this has been enough to have me considered a "hostile Build anti". I know that there are many different blocklists circulating, and multiple different accounts and group chats and servers where people are talking about and being nasty about me and the other people on these lists.

I don’t want to get into this too much (lest I actually earn my label as hostile!), but it’s frankly terrifying that all it took for me to be branded as aggressive was posting that I believed Poi and that I disagreed with people attacking her. I was horrified that people would immediately jump to defend a man accused of abuse (not just saying they were waiting for more information, but defending him and immediately insisting the accusations must be lies), and the idea that this was considered some kind of radical stance for me to take is just… disgusting, honestly. 

It really, really upset me. Even if rationally, I’m aware that of all the blocklists to be on, the "didn't immediately jump to the defence of a man accused of abuse" blocklists are probably some of the better ones - it’s really fucked with me to see so many people in this fandom, including people I cared about and considered friends, responding in this way. 

It’s also very frustrating to know that a lot of the blogs publicly purporting themselves as “neutral” are very much not neutral, and are involved in spreading this “anyone who believed Poi is a radical, aggressive Build anti” narrative. 

I’m not singling out any individual person or blocklist or anything here. I’ve heard about many. But since I know these lists and conversations exist, but not exactly what is being said and to whom, I did just want to clarify that.

Secondly, I’m seeing a lot of passive aggressive “the antis are being incredibly silent about this…” or “where are all the highly moral justice seeking kp fans now?!” posts, and so no one can accuse me of suddenly going silent about this, I also wanted to mention my actual current position on this situation.

I am still not supporting Build.

I want to be clear, though, that I am not "pro-Poi". I have never been a fan of hers, and so she has never been able to "lose" my support.

I don't know if she was also toxic, if she said or did XYZ, if this piece of this phone-call proves this or that. I don't know! Nobody outside the situation does!

But unless there is some kind of irrefutable proof that the text message screenshots Poi posted - where she sent Build photos of her bruises, Build told her he didn't regret giving her them, and that he wanted to kill her - are 100% fabricated, then I cannot and will not support him.

Regardless of whether or not Poi was also a bad person.

Additionally, even in the (incredibly unlikely, imo) event that these messages turn out to have been fabricated, I would stand by my initial response to the situation. I will not apologise for believing someone who speaks about abuse, and for disagreeing with the people that immediately accused her of lying. 

Because even if in this case it turns out to not be the truth - the next time someone comes forward about a celebrity, it will be. And the next time. And the next time. There will always be devoted stans of celebrities determined to pick apart women’s stories and insist that they’re lying - and 99% of the time, they will be attacking a victim to defend someone violent. 

Finally - I’m sad. I don’t know how else to say this. I’m really, really sad about this whole situation. This whole thing has been incredibly emotionally exhausting. Hearing about it is painful, talking about it is painful, it’s all fucking awful and I’m a mess, honestly. It’s a horrific situation in itself, and then on top of it all I’m devastated about losing friends over it, losing a community over it. 

I know that I can come across quite detached (I’m sure this post reads like an essay rather than a text post on tumblr.com) but it’s my way of coping with it and feeling in control about what I say and how I express my emotions. It doesn’t mean I’m actually clinically distant or cold or not emotional or anything. I just don’t know how else to talk about it.

And I am happy to talk about it - but I’m not going to respond to anons about this situation anymore. If you want to talk about this, please feel free to DM me or send me an ask off-anon. But this isn’t something I can talk about with people who aren’t willing to put their names to what they’re saying.

I hope that makes sense.

[mydearlybeloathed]

I loved your fic where the reader is Sanji's little sister!! I could do more of this but with something more angst? (I'm crazy about angst, forgive me 😭😭😭)

𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you would have thought your birthday would keep zeff and sanji from bickering—well, you thought wrong.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: sanji x littlesister!reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.7k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: pre-opla, reader is sixteen atm, swearing, reader is at the end of her rope

𝐚/𝐧: you're forgiven anon i also enjoy my fair share of angst 🥰

Turning sixteen had never been so awful for anyone in the entire world. You felt for certain of that.

The water of the sea lapped at your bare feet, dangling off the docks of the Baratie. Silence sat over everything, the moon hung high above you. You kicked at the water, angry at it for some reason, and scoffed at the face of the world.

You swore that if you listened hard enough, you could still hear Sanji and Zeff fighting all the way in the kitchens. The sound of their shouting had driven you out here into the fresh sea air, but it hardly helped the frustration welling up in your gut.

When you heard the footsteps coming up behind you, half of you hoped it was Sanji, coming to apologize and wish you a happy fucking birthday. 

You peered over your shoulder to find Patty looming over you, a plate in hand. “Hey, kid.”

“Hi,” you murmured, slouching back over as he knelt down beside you. 

You glanced over as he set the plate beside you, grinning a bit at the slice of cake. “How’s the birthday?”

Scoffing, you said, “Shitty. Per usual.”

Patty pursed his lips, sighing out his frustration, cursing the two idiots who’d driven you out here on your birthday. Still, he looked out at the sea, and told you, “He’s looking for you.”

“I’m sure he is.”

“Zeff is too.”

“They took a break from their precious bickering?” You couldn’t help but roll you eyes. “I’m frickin’ honored.”

The chef nudged your shoulder before rising to his feet. “Come on. It’s getting cold.”

You hugged your legs, having no intention of moving. “I’ll freeze.”

“Aww, don’t go all moody teen on me.” Patty half grinned. “I’m barely surviving Sanji.”

Turning your face away from him, you fought down the tears welling up in your eyes. “Go away, Patty.”

The longest moment past, before his footsteps retreated back into the Baratie, and you were left alone. Another birthday down the drain. And all you’d wanted was to spend time with your little family.

જ⁀➴

Patty walked back into the kitchen, brows taut and frown evident. He threw open the doors and glared at the young blond boy who whipped around.

“We’re not rea—”

“Your plan didn’t work,” Patty snapped. “She’s pissed.”

Zeff appeared from around the corner. “So she’s not coming?”

Patty deadpanned, somehow fighting the urge to slap him, if only because Zeff was his boss. “No. She’s not coming.”

Sanji and Zeff turned to each other, each donning an expression of awkward guilt. Sanji sighed. “We messed up.”

“No kiddin’,” Zeff scoffed.

And Patty rolled his eyes, moving to finish setting up this little party. “I’ll finish up.” He glared over at Sanji. “You go fix this.”

“Why me?” Sanji had the nerve to ask. 

“She’s your kid sister!” Patty gritted out. “And this was your bright idea! Let’s start fighting even though we know it makes her sad so we’ll have time to throw a surprise! Yeah, great idea. Now she’s wallowin’ on the docks.”

Your brother’s face fell, the image painted for him flashing across his eyes, and he hated it. This was a bad idea, after all. He’d just wanted to surprise you, but you were too quick for that these days. Sanji thought it’d be fine… “Shit.”

He was halfway through throwing off his apron when Zeff dropped everything and beat him to it. He set a heavy hand on Sanji’s shoulder and shoved him back toward the half decorated cake. “I’ll handle it. Just don’t fuck up the cake with yer shaky hands.”

Sanji stumbled into the counter, eyes narrowed, but he didn’t bother arguing. So Zeff trudged out of the kitchen, face sullen, wondering how the hell he’s supposed to console a teenage girl.

He’d figure it out, he hoped. He was a pirate after all, and pirates don't get scared. Then he stepped out into the midnight air and spotted you swinging your legs off the dock.

Pirates don’t get scared. Except, maybe, of their upset daughters.

You heard him before you saw him, tensing up as the sound of Zeff’s peg leg hobbling up behind you. You didn’t say a word and stared out at the crisp black waters, not knowing why he even bothered as he plopped himself down beside you, moving your untouched plate of cake to the space behind you.

“Hey, Pip,” he started, testing the waters.

“‘Sup.” You were irritated, that’s for sure, but not completely shut off. If you wanted him to go, you’d have said so already, or punched him or jumped into the water or something like that. Zeff didn’t pretend to understand youth these days. Typically, your silence was a good sign.

If Zeff knew you at all, and he ought to after all these years, he’d wager you didn’t want to be alone at all.

His peg leg kicked up some water, disturbing the peace. “You cold?”

It was the warmest night the sea had seen in some time, and he expected you to snap back that it was a stupid question. But you just shifted away and muttered, “Nope.”

Maybe you weren’t as open to talking as he’d thought.

“Listen,” he huffed. “I’m sorry. We both are. It’s just, you know how he gets…”

Your sudden glare shut him up, the set in your jaw a tad bit worrying. “I know how he gets, Zeff. But I still wouldn’t throw a pan at him on your birthday.”

Touche. 

Zeff grimaced. Maybe he overdid it a bit. “Yeah, I’m sorry ‘bout that.”

“Whatever.” You started to tug at your hair, and Zeff noticed how you’d ditched the ol’ pigtail braids. Now, your hair was pulled back into a single braid a bit on the messy side. There was a white ribbon tying it off. 

His stare turned an odd sort of soft, one you didn’t catch often. You glanced up at him quickly, unnerved. “What?”

Zeff didn’t answer right away, choosing to instead take a breath and savor this moment. But you grew impatient, eyes narrow. “What is it, Zeff? Have I got somethin’ on my face?”

Oh, how to explain. How was Zeff to explain just what he thought of you?

You’d surely grown from the little demon who’d bitten him and left a nasty scar on his arm—grown into not so much a demon, but a woman with just the same fire. On odd days he longed for the times when you were small and thought the world of him. When you would come to him for anything and everything. 

When you slipped up and called him “Dad.”

That never happened anymore. You were careful now.

You were growing too fast. If he could hide how awful the world was from you, he would, but it was too late. You were giving up on learning the ways of a chef and instead leaning toward waiting tables, learning to pickpocket like a seasoned criminal when you thought no one was watching. And with every passing day Zeff could see that starvation for something more grow brighter and brighter.

Sometimes he wondered if allowing you to work in his restaurant had been a mistake—he had a rule against women working in such a dangerous establishment as his could be, after all—but you were long past the age of listening to a word Zeff had to say. You and Sanji were alike in that manner.

Zeff shook his head. How did he explain how he had thought he’d been so strong until the day you’d come red faced to him, no older than nine, with just a skinned knee. You weren’t crying, not ever letting a tear fall, but you wanted to, he saw it in your eyes. 

The former captain of the Cook Pirates had felt so strong until he had no clue how to fix what was wrong. 

Zeff hated kids. He hated them, but you and that eggplant of a boy had become exceptions. The pair of you, as frustrating as you could be, had weaseled your way into the old man’s heart. He thinks he’d do just about anything for you, specifically.

How could Zeff begin to explain how much it scared him that his daughter was getting older?

“Zeff?”

“Sorry,” he said. “Got lost a bit.”

You lowered your gaze and shifted, reaching behind you to pick up the cake. There was a singular bite taken out of it. You messed around with the fork. “Patty made this?”

Zeff nodded. “Think so.”

“It’s good. You could do better,” you grinned, setting the plate back down. You’d finish it off later; you never dared to waste food. 

“Yeah?” Zeff chuckled. “Probably.”

You kicked at the water again. “I haven’t decided if I forgive you yet.”

“As expected. Just don’t take too long.” After a moment of thought, and an observation at how you returned to your surly demeanor, he made a decision. “We’ve got somewhere to be.” Zeff turned away the moment you whipped your head around to give him that curious look of yours. 

“What do you mean?” you asked, skeptical.

“Can’t say. It’s a surprise.” He rolled his eyes. “Sanji’s been insistent on a surprise for days. You’re too nosey to keep secrets from, so we needed to get you out of the kitchen…”

He waited for the realization to sink in, and then you were punching his arm with a gasp. “No way! No way you were faking! You’re the worst!” You couldn’t decide between being angry or amused, letting out a laughing scoff at their complete idiocy. “I was about to cry, you bastards!”

Zeff couldn’t help it. He laughed—no, cackled whilst he gently blocked your tiny fist. “Language, Pipsqueak.”

You raised your middle finger and fought hard to hide your growing smile. “I don’t believe you. You’re just covering for yourselves. That fight was real.”

“Or we’re just that skilled at actin’,” he countered. He did admit that after a minute the argument was more real than not. “It was his idea.”

“Zeff.”

“We meant well.” He rerouted his defense. “He’s been going on and on ‘bout this surprise—”

“That you’ve now spoiled.”

“I had to! I wasn’t gonna deal with his moping when you never showed.” You started to protest, making him scoff. “You weren’t gonna show. You’re stubborn.”

You huffed, lunging over to scoop up the sea and splash it in Zeff’s face. The old man sputtered before he reached out a hand and pushed you into the water with barely a shove. You squealed and sank under the water, coming up gasping as thinly veiled hilarity broke past your anger.

Flapping around in the water, you gaped up at Zeff as he wheezed, barely able to get enough air through his laughter. Your own laugh bubbled out of you. “What the fuck, Zeff?”

“You–you started it!” He was still catching his breath, eyes crinkled. “Didn’t mean to push you in.”

Like you believed him. Rolling your eyes, you held out a hand and awaited your rescue. The old man stood to his mismatched feet and gripped your wrist, hoisting you up. You were airborne for at least three seconds with the momentum of his pull, giggling as your feet touched the dock again. 

“I should tell Sanji you ratted him out,” you mused as the night air hit you, shivers running up and down your spine. 

“You won’t,” he said, though there was a slight hope in his eyes that you really were bluffing. You were, of course. As much as you fought with Sanji, you would never dare to ruin his fun—and if planning a surprise for you was fun for him, so be it.

“I won’t,” you agreed. “But I should.”

You started back into the Baratie, crossing your arms tightly to condense what was left of your body heat. Zeff fell into step beside you, his chef’s coat draped over your shoulders not a second later. Stepping inside wasn’t an escape from the cold; if anything, the chill grew worse. 

As much as you hated being cold… you were curious as to what Sanji had cooked up. 

So you braved the frigid walk through the empty dining room, weaving in and out of tables and chairs, and rushed ahead of Zeff to enter the kitchen first. You gave the doors a shove and came face to face with a platoon of balloons bobbing around the ceiling. 

Little purple flowers poked out of various crystal glasses. A sweet smell filled the room. You froze in the doorway, taking it all in, and noticed Sanji at the counter, finishing off the icing on a small cake. He glanced up and blew his hair out of his face, a smile splitting onto his face when he saw you.

“Pip!” His eyes ran you up and down, confusion clouding his blue eyed gaze. “What happened to you?”

You let out a huff and slipped your arms into the too big coat. “Went for a swim.”

Zeff chuckled suspiciously and swept toward the cake, inspecting it briefly. “Just like I said. The icing’s uneven.”

Sanji threw down the icing. “It is—”

“Stop!” you shouted. “I swear.”

That shut them up, each of them rolling their eyes. Children, you thought. Taking another look around, a little smile grew on your face. “Is it someone’s birthday?”

For a moment, Sanji’s confidence faltered, as if he was really questioning what day it was, before he caught your sly grin and relaxed. “Only yours, so I really don’t know why I bothered with all this.”

“Ouch,” you laughed. The kitchen was empty save for you, Zeff, and Sanji. It reminded you of quiet nights similar to this one, back when the Baratie was in its early years. Back when Zeff and Sanji didn’t fight as much as they did now. 

In the gentle quiet to follow, you did admit: growing older wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. 

You blinked and Zeff had lit a candle and poked it into the top of the cake, causing Sanji to grumble at how he’d messed up the swirl design he’d crafted. Zeff ignored him and bumped your shoulder. “Too old to make a wish?”

“As if.” You were almost offended he’d asked, leaning forward to blow out the candles, squeezing closed your eyes and uttering a wish in your head. When you were done, Sanji gave you a questioning look.

“So? What was it?”

Every year he asked, and every year you shook your head. “Can’t say. It’ll break the magic.”

The night grew old, as night always does, and it aged with laughter and thrown icing and sleepy eyes, before it died to make way for the sun. And by then, you and Sanji were passed out on piles of flour sacks, side by side and snoring in tune. 

The Baratie was to open in five hours. In one hour, the chefs would file in to prepare for the breakfast run. For now, though, there was peace as Zeff pulled up a stool to the countertop and observed the pair with increasing, sickening fondness. 

The plan had never been to raise two of the possibly most difficult children on the seas… but now that you weren’t children anymore, there was a significant amount of pride welling up in Zeff’s chest.

He knew neither of you were destined to remain at the Baratie all your lives. To keep you there was to imprison you. Someday, you and Sanji would leave this place, and Zeff could only hope it wouldn’t be tomorrow as each day came to a close. 

And someday, a year down the road, his hope would be in vain as the next morning your annual birthday wish was granted in the form of a grand ship with the masthead of a goat—the ship that would sail you and Sanji away. 

But that was a year away, and no one knew of what fate had in store. You only knew that maybe turning sixteen wasn’t so bad.

[juju-or-anya]

https://www.tumblr.com/juju-or-anya/756390418668732417/every-time-someone-says-eloise-isnt-a-real?source=share

This is so damaging!! You really hate white not skinny girls right???? The fact that Pen is white she can't suffer. Hacibg the privilege of being white make her suffering less?? Let me tell you. Pen is whire but she use consider fat. She suffer WAY much than kate who is indian bur she is skinny. Fat people suffer way more than skinny bitches who cheat their sister.

And again we bring up weight when no one has talked about weight.

If Claudia Jessie or Phoebe Dynevor were the one who plays Penelope, just as Penelope was introduced to me on the show, she would do exactly the same thing, lie, use the people she loves, play the victim, I wouldn't like her either. I can give you a million examples of thin CHARACTERS that I don't like for similar and worse reasons than Penelope, because my problem is the characters and not the actors who play them.

But since you're bringing up weight and race, let's talk about weight and race.

Let's start with race, the truth is I don't know if you are white, black, Latina, Asian or whatever, maybe you are white and you don't realize the privilege of being a white person over other races, much less the privilege of being a white woman, I don't know, I'm just guessing and I could be wrong, I apologize if I am.

Penelope would not have had the same opportunities if she were a black woman, not even in the fictional world of Bridgerton. Does that mean she doesn't have the right to suffer? Of course not, she has the right to feel sad, angry, frustrated, but it doesn't give her the right to put her own feelings on someone else and use her privileges on the other person, knowing that that other person does not have the same privileges.

And on the subject of weight, does being a plus size person give you the right to be a bitch about her because since she's a plus size person, whatever she does isn't wrong just because she's big? Because I find it fucking hypocritical. It's the justification that thin people and the media have given for years against plus size people, it's hypocritical that they now use it in the opposite way.

Am I saying that Penelope doesn't have the right to feel bad about being plus size? I'm not saying that, I'm saying that being plus size doesn't give you the right to be fucking shitty about it.

Penelope is a bad friend, quite a victim and doesn't accept when she's wrong. Does that mean she's the worst person in the world and the worst character in history? No, I have thousands of other worse examples and if you want I'll tell you about the thin ones, since it seems to be more important to you that the people I hate are thin than why I don't like them.

Penelope's problem isn't her body, because as I said before she could be played by a Victoria's Secret Angel and have the same development and writing and still be awful.

And it's not Nicola's problem, it's a problem with the character development and initial writing. Nicola can use her acting skills in an incredible way but if the character is written and developed poorly, there's not much you can do.

And I've said it before, that I don't like Penelope, it doesn't mean that I hate Nicola. I separate the actor from the character, from what I see, she seems nice, I judge some of her public displays but nothing that I don't do with other famous people, like Taylor Swift, Dua Lupa, Natalie Portman or Amy Schumer. I criticize them not for their bodies, I criticize their political positions, decisions, opinions, but I never get into their physique, because they are human descendants, I've said it thousands of times, I have no right to judge another person's body, just as they have no right to judge mine. I don't do what I don't want done to me. But you guys are breaking the balls that I don't have, that I don't like Penelope for her body. Because clearly I can't not like her for her attitude and decisions.

To be clear, I don't like Penelope, but it has nothing to do with Nicola or her body, I love Claire from Derry Girls, I like Nicola's performance in Derry Girls, I don't like Penelope. Punto.

[beebobeebo]

Title: Mama's Boy

Fandom: Justified

Characters: Tim Gutterson, Greg Gutterson (erstwhile brother), Timothy Gutterson (father, POS), and Lara Gutterson (Mama, not great)

Warnings: Character Study, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Smoking, Drinking, Child Abuse, Abuse... Listen Tim's dad is just awful

Notes: I will someday rewrite this.

Summary:

Drawing a bead on the boy he was.

If no one knows they can't argue.

Tim's smoking. He hasn't smoked since he's been stateside, but Mama dying had knocked him off his game. Dragging all that up made him long for hours lying in cold dirt waiting for a flicker of movement so he could solve a problem.

He had done well at the funeral. He looked appropriately sad and shook hands with people who never lifted one of theirs to help her or him, then he repacked up his shit and went straight to Kentucky.

After unpacking he realized he needed black socks for work. Once in the store, the liquor was just there and the cigarettes had been at the checkout. It was all too easy.

Thanks, consumerism. Good thing Tim put holes in all those bastards to protect his right to be drunk, coughing, and in matching socks all in one go.

“Greg, it's all yours. I don't want any of their shit.”

His brother pressing him to take mementos of his own personal hell was not helping his mental state. He flicks the ash into the toilet bowl at his feet and sticks his hand back out the bathroom window of his new, minuscule apartment. Perching atop his commode wasn't ideal, but he didn't need his clothes to smell like smoke tomorrow. “Hey, hey, you can forgive him for beatin' the fuck out of you, but I'm still angry about what he did to her. Your mother wasn't around so you didn't see the welts and bruises on her whenever you did anything he decided was wrong.”

“Tim, these aren't my things.” Greg's voice is strained and tired as it leaks out of the phone’s tinny speaker.

“Mine either, burn the shit, sell the land, and send me my cut. I need to buy a suit.” Tim gives up on the cigarette, dropping it in the bowl as he hops down to go grab the bottle he tucked in the freezer.

“Some of these things are yours. I can't believe you don't want anything of hers. At least her bible-”

Tim drops the phone beside the fridge as he yanks open the freezer. “Greg, you don't know me or my life, but I need you to understand I don't have time for this. She chose him, so she died a long time ago for me.” He pulls the bottle out of the freezer where it has crushed his bag of pizza rolls. Dinner was going to be lumpy.

“Timothy-”

“Greg, I have killed people for less than callin’ me that bastard's name,” he says evenly. They both know it's true, but Greg likes to play the game where Tim is a petulant teenager and not nearing thirty.

“Okay. Okay. You hate Dad. You hate Lara for some bullshit reason you won't tell anyone. You're distinctly not family.” Greg's exhale of frustration makes the shitty pay-as-you-go phone vibrate on the kitchen counter. “I will sell everything and send you a check.”

“A cashier's check. I don't want his name on it.” Tim pulls one of his three glasses from the cabinet and pours a questionable amount of vodka in it. He knows Greg is going to make some bid to remind him he is Timothy Gutterson’s child.

“It's our name, too,” his brother insists. “You can't just pretend nothing ever happened. You weren't born at Fort Benning.”

“You're right. It's obvious,” he says, forcing his voice to be low and sincere. “I don't have the accent. Dead giveaway.”

“Tim.”

“Bye, Greg.” He hangs up the phone before adding a legitimately sincere, “Go fuck yourself.”

He has now spoken to his older brother four times. That's three times too many. Two of those were within the last week. Three of those were as an adult. Three of those were about Tim's parents being dead.

“Shit,” Tim says as he gulps the cold liquid.

The outlier of the talks was as an eight-year-old. Greg wanted him to admit that their father abused Tim. The problem was he'd never raised a hand to him, which is what that meant to a child. That wasn't how you got to Tim anyway. His father understood that in a way that Greg never could. Tim would have welcomed every hit, slap, and punch to keep his father's hands off his mother.

Tim loved his mother violently. She had been the only person to truly love him, to know the things his father called him, and to cover his once small body with hers.

He takes another deep drink. Mama had been the one to find him clinging to Will Holt like a wet t-shirt. If he had grown up in a more tolerant household, he might have been grounded for being fifteen and being a moron who didn't realize that his doorless room was not the place to experiment in broad daylight, even if Mama was at the store. As it went, Mama just stared at them while Tim dragged a shirt back on and apologized over and over. She didn't say anything and just walked away. He hoped foolishly that had been the end of it. Embarrassment.

He rolls the glass between his hands letting the sharp cold cut through the memories. After that, it's a blur of her whispering to him that what he was doing was a sin while his father made snide remarks about being a real man even as he struck his wife. The day his father asks Tim what he did wrong to end up with a queer, a mama's boy, for a son, Tim breaks. He throws a punch that is more force than skill and his father staggers backward. He laughs at Tim's best effort. He swears anything Tim does to him, Mama will feel tenfold. Then he does the cruelest thing and asks Mama if she can still love Tim after knowing what he's done under their roof. She doesn't say anything. She can't manage to nod her head for her son. His heart cracked. He lived his life doing everything he could to save her from his father's hands, and she couldn't say “Yes.”

“Fuck you,” Tim says to the empty apartment.

That was the day he decided he needed to get as far from that Midwestern hellhole as possible. His plan had always been to run somewhere. He would run, and when he got settled, he'd get Mama on a bus. They'd make a quiet life. No one would punish them for someone else's actions. The sins of the son not visited upon the head of the mother.

But that day? That day, he decides he's going to kill his father because he can't leave her with him, but he can't imagine her willingly living with a son she doesn't love.

Like any early millennial, he turned to Netscape Navigator to find a way the fuck out of there. The Army. It doesn't take him long to learn that the Army came with a gun and a different court system that would be keen to put him down once his father hit the dirt. You just took a test. One of those standardized bastards that public education had started foisting on them with regularity. He just had to score high enough for placement, but not high enough to draw attention. Middle of the road that shit.

After three long years of being a ghost in a home that he only shit, showered, and slept in, he did it. He was good at it. Spending your whole life listening to every order down to the inflection of a syllable prepares you beautifully for being a cog in the military machine. It means you're attentive. Not able to sleep because you might get yanked out of bed at any hour? No, you're alert. Never complain because you know it won't do any good. Goddamn it if you aren't resilient. Don't talk back because you fear the consequences down to your marrow. No, you're a polite motherfucker, Gutterson.

Tim downs the rest of the glass and fights the urge to throw it at the wall. He should have used the plastic glass from the chicken place. He could chuck that bastard all day.

He had progressed, had excelled. There was talk of the RASP after he had a couple years under his belt. He could already hit every target thanks to Galaga earned hand-eye coordination and the hyper-focus of rage. The rest was just pushing himself to the physical brink. That was a goddamn Thursday.

Then his fucking brother calls him. He tells the clerk he doesn't have a brother at first, confusing them both so much that he just agrees to take the call out of politeness. He doesn't get out more than the sound of clearing his throat before Greg starts in.“Come home. Dad's dead and Lara’s a mess. She says she needs you.”

Tim holds the phone against his ear for a long minute. “The bastard's dead? She kills ‘im?”

“No! What‽ He had a heart attack. It was probably the smoking. Jesus, Timothy, come home.”

Tim doesn't even consider going home. He gently puts down the receiver without another word and decides to start smoking.

It's a bad habit, one he only does when he drinks, but he has to burn the bastards down for taking his kill shot. It doesn't hurt that it's an excuse both to remain silent and to talk as necessary. Useful. Tim respects useful things.

That blip between basic and the world going to hell for everyone else, too, is just full of running, digging in, and raising a gun. Then suddenly he's twenty and heading to a country he'd only idly noticed on a globe.

He rinses the glass in the sink and sits it on the counter. He figures it's sterile and he doesn't know where the dish soap went. Who else is going to use it anyway?

He grabs his phone and shoves it into his pocket. Greg would probably call back. Tim would probably ignore him. He could only handle a call every nine years or so.

He had to get to bed.

Tomorrow he gets to step into a new world where not a soul knows him. He's not some scared mama's boy with a hairpin trigger and enough skill to back it up. He can be Tim Gutterson, sniper for the Rangers, new guy, nice enough when he's not talking out his ass. Keeps to himself.

It'll be fine if he just keeps to himself.

[fictionalmanwhorehub]

Brett x female!reader where work has been extremely stressful, and Brett ends up super frustrated one day (like to the point of getting physically antsy). Reader goes to his office to check on him and he's still super frustrated and accidentally starts to take it out on them. (Angst to fluff at the end) please :)))))

I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH!! Thank you for requesting it! I really hope this is what you had in mind :)

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It was a shitty day at Cognito. Brett had been feeling extra pissed at the gang lately and stormed to his office, which was odd. Reader knew this was weird for him. They had been dating for a little over a year now and she had never seen him this angry. She slowly made her way to his office, getting stopped by Myc,

"Hey reader, a little caution to you, Bretts being an asshole today." He said and laughed, "He's acting like a toddler."

You roll your eyes and go to his office and gently knock on the door, "Brett..? Hey love I just wanted to check on you. I saw you storm off earlier."

He let out a small groan, "I'm fine Reader." he said in an odd dismissive tone which made you slightly confused,

"Are you sure Brett? I mean.. You don't sound fine, not to press I'm just worried.." you say with a gentle tone.

He suddenly stands from his chair and turns to look at you, "God damnit Reader I just said I'm ok! Can you mind your own buisness? I mean I know we're dating but can you just fucking leave me alone? I don't really feel like talking to you right now!" he said, slightly raising his voice which made you slightly nauseous because you didn't feel safe with him at the moment.

"Oh.. Ok.." you said softly and left quickly

He tensed and let out a sigh, "Shit..."

You immediately went to Gigi, fully in tears, and she immediately ran to you, "Jesus reader whats goin' on?" she said and lightly held your shoulders

You try and talk through hic's and sobs, "Brett.. He y.. He yelled at me and he.. Was mean about it.. I've never seen him mad.. I was just trying to help..." you stuttered and sobbed

Her look softened from curiosity to empathy, "He's been in a bad mood Reader, just give him a little.. You two live together, how about you go home and talk to him about it when he gets home. I'll tell Reagen whats going on.. I'm sure she'll understand and if she doesn't well fuck her." she said and chuckled softly

You nodded slightly, "Thanks Gigi.. You're the best.." you said and went to grab your bag and coat and left and arrived a few minutes to you and Bretts shared apartment. You sat on the couch and continued to sob for a few hours and ended up falling asleep.

You woke up a few hours later with a blanket over you, and some water on the coffee table. You smiled slightly and sat up to see him sitting on the other side of the couch, knees pulled to his chest. You stood up and sat next to him, "Brett" you said softly and watched him

His eyes widened slightly and you could tell he too had been crying. His look went from slight surprise to sadness,

"Shit reader I'm-"

"Brett I know you're sorry. I knew something was wrong.. I knew you weren't okay and you would never be mean to me on purpose. I don't blame you. Cognito is such a stressful place to work, and the people there tend to be a bit difficult so I know you didn't mean a thing." you said and gently rubbed his arm

His eyes filled with tears as he tightly wrapped his arms around you and sobbed into your chest, "I'm so so sorry I didn't mean to be so awful.." he said in a high pitched almost whimper as you gently rubbed his back,

"Shh.. I know,, I know.. I forgive you Brett.. I forgive you, I love you so much.." you softly coo'd as he pulled you into his lap and rested his head in the crook of his neck and just held you

"I love you so much, reader." he said

You both ended up falling asleep on the couch, clinging to eachother like life support and just being glad you were together.

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I really really hope thats what you wanted, I hope you enjoyed!! Please send more requests I loved writing that!!

[thetiredstuff]

Watching the panel through live blogs, let me see if I've got the gist of it.. so Misha loved his characters goodbye scene, but also knew that he was supposed to come back in some capacity but can't directly tell us more, just that it wasn't a bury your gays situation.

He loved the emotional climax of Dean's death and how Jared and Jensen acted it out.

He said he didn't know how the episode ended but now is worried the fans will disappear?

But he can't talk about it.

So help me out here, did he ever actually comment directly on the ending? Did he give his opinion on it? Or just comment around it.

(feel free not to post this, I'm just sad and frustrated all over again) 😔

Hi! Okay so I’m gonna be honest: I’ve spent the last 5 days (since the finale) on every social media platform (basically reading through the tears of sadness lol) and I’ve seen the panels and everything and I remember almost nothing of anything hahaha so I’ll try answering this to the best of my abilities. 

Misha loves the fact that he was able to get Cas saying “I love you” in a romantic way. For him, finally being able to actually confirm a gay Cas means a lot to him because he knows how much it means to fans. 

It’s speculation if Misha was supposed to be back as Cas in the finale but story-wise it’s pretty clear he was supposed to be in it. However, he can’t confirm that because he signed NDAs (just like every actor does) that will still be valid for an unspecified time period. 

My speculation: I doubt it was supposed to be a bury your gays' trope because Misha said that they went to Jensen about Cas’ confession and if Jensen didn’t like it, they wouldn't have gone through with it. To me, the only reason why they’d have to ask Jensen about going through with it would be if his character would say something back. I just doubt that they intended to go bury your gays because it is extremely well-known as awful and lazy writing and I doubt bobo would go for it if they couldn’t subvert it and bring Cas back in a way. But alas fucking CW. 

He cried watching Dean die because he saw Cas’ friend die. He praised Jared and Jensen’s acting but nothing about the storyline of that episode, outside of that scene, was mentioned. 

Misha said he hadn’t read the script of the finale and ep 19 (which I’m not too sure about because we know he was in Vancouver probably for the finale so he had to have read at least part of the script for his scenes)

A lot of meta writers/fans have speculated (and I agree) that the actors probably didn’t know that certain scenes would be cut. I mean we know Misha was in Vancouver during covid filming even though the CW tried to scrub all the evidence. Misha has always been afraid of fans disappearing, he’s been pretty vocal about that since the ending of the show was announced. But now he’s seen how hurt fans are. And they have all seen it. It’s too big of a portion not to see it. 

And (I’m speculating) I’m pretty sure they’re devastated as well. The devastation and sadness that’s been going around are so hurtful and bone-deep that it is the kind of hurt that would make fans disappear from the fandom. Misha knows that and so he was always afraid of the fans disappearing. This shitty finale that made absolutely no sense and that left so many people heartbreaking and angry probably makes/made him even more worried about fans disappearing. 

But yeah he can’t talk about the OG ending, he can’t talk about having filmed in Vancouver, he can’t talk about Destiel because they went ahead and basically shot that dead (again fuck the CW), he’s even being vague about who came up with the idea for the bloody handprint, he can’t mention the fundraiser The Castiel Project for the Trevor Project that’s been started by fans to donate money to and that almost raised 50.000 dollars. 

He can’t talk about any of it because all of that would imply that the ending was shit or was cut severely, or they stomped out the queerness etc. As long as he has an NDA he won’t say anything cuz he can’t and even afterwards.

(again this is me speculating) Misha has always been treated poorly by some factions of SPN/the network. For a guy who saved their rating in season 7 and who managed to get the show to 15 seasons (together with J2), he’s always been shunned aside by some. He is a pretty selfless and grateful guy so I doubt he’d go right out and say something. Maybe but I think he’s also aware of how much it would hurt the fans to know what they did to his character and destiel (we kinda know through speculation but we don’t KNOW)

Jensen is probably the one who’d open his mouth more, surprisingly. He’s extremely diplomatic in how he carries himself in this industry which is gonna get him far but his lack of posts since the finale speaks volumes. It’s a silent protest. He’s also got the NDAs. 

but (I’m speculating again) Dean is something Jensen takes extremely serious. I’m pretty sure he saw bi!dean (with ep 18) and understood that it made sense for dean as a character (which is why i think Misha said that comment about Jensen not liking it would mean it wouldn’t happen). 

Jensen already had trouble with the ending all the way in the beginning (probably dean dying). He then likely supported Destiel or at least the implication of it (ep 18). Only to then find out that all queerness was erased (which I’m guessing he saw that queernes as serving the story), Misha who played Cas a fan favorite was also erased, and Dean died (he cares a tremendous amount about dean and doing right by him). And all of that has been getting some severe reactions of people being extremely hurt. 

(Again I’m speculating) but J2 have been praised by Pedowitz for ages, and I think that all of that really soured Jensen’s view of people involved with the network that previously had his back. Jensen has been the most vocal already with his dissatisfaction with the finale/the way things were handled. Just look at his social media likes and the absence of both Jensen and Misha in the Thank You videos. 

He’s being vocal by being silent. 

Both Jensen and Misha and their characters fell victim to the CW trying their damnest to stomp out the queer. And wow did they do a brilliantly awful job at it. 

Jared you’re not gonna get anything for years because he has Walker which is on the CW so he has to keep those people happy. 

I just wrote a mini-essay again lol hahaha 

I’m sorry you’re sad and frustrated. I feel it too. Today was the first day I didn’t wake up and start crying immediately, so it does get better it’s just gonna sting for a really long time. Just know you’re not alone in your feelings. 

This ending sucked and it sucked because it didn’t make any sense. It came completely out of the left field and it was a complete injustice to the characters, the actors, and the fans. We all deserved better. 

Also: I’m not in the know so this is mostly me speculating. I hope I made that clear with all the brackets. 

[bnhaficsforthesoul]

Shinsou fluff alphabet

Starting off this blog the right way

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

He really likes your eyes

Hes definitely the type of person that puppy dog eyes work on

When you look up at him with those pretty eyes he just melts into them

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

He would want a baby eventually

Like after you get married

But he loves the thought of having a baby with you

Seeing which traits come out from both of you

Or adopting a baby, he thinks that would be awesome too

He loves kids, hes just kinda scared that he doesn't know how to take care of them

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

He is the c li n g I est mf

He acts like hes not but he is

He doesn't have a preference when it comes to being the little or big sppon

He loves holding you

Just wrapping his arms around your shoulders or waist and hugging you as tight as possible while pressing little kisses onto your forehead

And when you hold him he melts

He feels so loved and wanted

Play with his hair plz plz plz

His eyes will flutter shut and hell just be like

"Mmm... so comfy"

It's so cute

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Toshi is pretty spontaneous

So dates will either be

Let's go out at 3 in the morning and run around the city and buy junk food

Or

"Babe, I got us reservations for this super fancy restaurant so make sure you get dressed up. Were leaving in an hour."

They're always fun tho, even the more formal dates are super silly with you two making jokes and just being crackheads

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

To Hitoshi, you are his inspiration

His reason for moving forward in life

Before you, his only goal was to become a hero - and even then no one seemed to believe he could

Then theres you

You who tells him that his quirk does not make him evil

It's super effective against villains

hell be a pro hero someday

Before he wanted to become hero simply because why not

But now he wants to become a hero for you, to show you that your positive words were not misplaced and he is someone you can count on

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

It was one night after he was training with Aizawa in martial arts (since he knows his quirk isnt the most effective in battle if he cant get it to work)

And he walked out of the field to see you standing there with this big smile on your face

"What are you doing here? It's late, you should go home."

"I was but then I saw you training and wanted to watch 😊"

He kinda gives you a weird look and is like why

"Cause you're super cool Shinsou! If I wanna be a pro hero I need to make sure I can get strong too, so I wanted to take some pointers."

His eyes widen and hes like- you think I'm cool??? Me who has to do this training cause my quirk is useless most the time?? Me who's quirk actually sucks?? You think I'm cool.

You just give him this big smile and you're like well ya anyways see you tomorrow

And he kinda is just like fuckfuckfuckfuckdu kkckcdudyhsj the whole way home cause wow you're super cute and you're the only person to ever praise him like that

He lies awake all night and is like I'm in love fuk

So ya, he was in love long before you even started dating

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Hes so gentle with you

Like hell brush your hair out of your face and move it behind your ear

When you kiss his hand kinda just cups your jaw and his thumb rubs your cheek

He presses little kisses on your forehead when you hug

Theres times when he can be more rough, but you're his baby and he cherishes you so much

He doesn't wanna scare you in any way and treats you so well

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

When you're walking he likes to place his fingers with yours and holds onto your hand tight

But other than that, he prefers holding your hand by placing his on top of yours and lacing his fingers while his thumb rubs your pinky

Hell pick up your hand and press kisses on it

Lowkey to tease you cause he likes to see you blush but still

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

His first impression of you wasn't the best? It wasn't the worst either tho

He first met you at the sports festival

You were fighting after he did, so when he was walking back and you were going out you saw him

So you were like "great job in the match!!"

And he thought you were teasing him cause he felt he horribly lost so he got kinda pissed

And was like "ya whatever"

He realized you weren't lying later tho, when you kept talking to him whenever you would see him at school

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Oooooh yes, boy gets so jealous

You're HIS baby, not anyone elses

Hes put up with a lot of shit and a lot of shitty people and now that he has someone who loves him and he adores back - he doesn't like the fear of losing them

It's less of he gets angry when people flirt with you and more of he gets scared

Hes scared hes not the best and that you might decide you'll leave

He knows you love him and are loyal to him, but he cant shake that fear

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

So he initiated the first kiss

It was after your first date, and he kinda just kissed you out of nowhere (and you didn't mind at all)

While he does kiss you fairly gently, its lots of times a way to tease you

He loves to kiss you more roughly- the kinds of kisses that leave you breathless and your lips bruised

But he starts gentle half the time so that you get frustrated and have to try and make him kiss you deeper

Lots of tongue

Lots and lots of tongue

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

You did

Again, He knew he loved you before you started dating

But he didn't wanna put you off by saying it too soon so he waited for you

He did things to help you know he loved you, but he waited until you said it

The first time you said it you were cuddling

You were lying on his chest and he was playing with your hair on his bed and you quietly said "I love you Toshi. So much.."

His eyes widened and he got the biggest smile on his face

"I love you too baby"

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

His favorite memory with you is probably one of your first dates

He took you to an amusement park

You were holding hands the whole time and you were so happy throughout the whole night

Hearing your beautiful laugh, being able to play the games with you and win you prizes since hes for some reason super good at them, getting to be that annoying couple that just cuddles in all the lines

He was in heaven

of course you had to do the stereotypical couple thing and ride the ferris wheel

But! It got stuck when you were almost to the top (if only it had been at the top - it would have been peak amusement park date romance)

You two were so ready to kiss at the top, but now you get to make out for like 30 minutes?? Awesome!

Getting to have a whole photo shoot together with all the pretty lights from the park and the city?? Double awesome!

Sitting in the cramped seat and being able to just talk and cuddle without worrying about school or anything?? Tripple awesome!!!

Everything about the night was perfect, and now you two love going on amusement park dates (tho none will ever beat this one)

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

He won't Spoil you too much, hes broke anyways

Besides, hes not the most materialistic person anyways so he would rather give you gifts of like dates and stuff

When he does give gifts, it's more personal things

Hell spoil you for your birthday and anniversary tho, if you really want something hell do his best to get you it

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Pink

Why?

Because he loves that cute blush of yours ~

He teases you all the time, anything to get you to blush

So when he sees a pink, especially in the shade of your blush, he kinda smirks and is like aw

Also, its such a soft color, and you're his baby so he gets soft for you

So honestly pastel colors remind him of you too, but mainly pink

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

ANYTHING that will get you to blush

Hes tested out them all

Honey, sugar, babydoll, bub, cutie, EVERYTHING

But his favorites are baby, and kitten.

He likes cats so he tested out kitten and the BLUSH that erupted on your face, he was hooked

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

My dude he is so into ball room dancing

Like I guess that's modern if you're rich, but neither of you are so that's something you only see in like old movies

Dead ass he took you to an abandoned castle just to dance with you while he played music from like the 40s

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Loves rain

Wants to go play in it

He will drag you out into the rain so that you can run around and act like little kids

Then you'll come in eventually so you dont get sick and make tea and cuddle

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Hes more of the type that will just ignore his feelings when hes sad

Like it's no big deal they'll go away

But you got mad at him for doing that so now - he just tells you

Hell text you and be like "hey.. can we cuddle..."

And you'll immediately know what's up and run to cheer him up

When you're sad, he takes a more direct approach

He wants you to tell him straight up what's wrong, and hes willing to wait if you need time

Hell hold you until you're ready, but he won't leave until you're feeling better

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

He loves gossipping

Like you two talking about dumb stuff your classmates do

Makes up like 70% of your conversations

Also about movies, or TV shows, hes into a lot of fandoms and loves talking about them

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

You

Playing

With

His

Hair

That's it

Hes stressed? He will plop himself into your lap and you just know

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

He likes showing off his martial art skills honestly

Hes gotten good at them, and many of the students dont bother with learning any formal fighting style since they're more into just using their quirk or swinging as they please

So it's something hes proud of

Hes also proud of it cause the 2 people he looks up to the most - aizawa and you - are also proud of him for it

So he loves showing you new things hes learned, or showing you how to do them so that you can be safer

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

Again, hes spontaneous, so it kinda just came out

You two were just goofing around one night - spending time with each other since soon you would go into working at an agency since you had graduated

He was just thinking about how much hes gonna miss not being able to be around you all the time

So this man deadass ran into a gas station that was still open, bought a ring pop, and ran back out and was like

"Shit babe I'm so sorry this is such a horrible proposal but I'm doing it cause I don't wanna back out so- (y/n), will you marry me?"

Hes down on one knee holding this ring pop and he expected you to start laughing (you did later) but instead you started crying and you just jump into his arms nodding

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Serendipity by BTS

His world changed when he met you, the love his life

Theres so much hurt in life, and you are his happiness

Even when you two fight, you only come back stronger

Hes so happy with you, and so hes worried that something will happen to take you away from him

This song kinda captures that

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Yes

All the time

He planned it a few times fully before when he actually did, and they were all much more romantic than the ring pop

He thought of the ring and everything

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Cat

Do I even need to say that

He wants you two to be crazy cat parents so bad

Even tho the max you ever have at a time is 2

[angelinuhh]

how would you combat the krp issue properly? i'm not korean, but i am asian, and i have contacted some 'krp's' currently in the tags that seem intent on justifying their use of the tag and the exclusivity of asian fc's only despite how damaging it may be.

tldr; you’re probably doing everything right. 

i wish i were some sort of ... judgment god. and that what i have said and will say is both absolutely right and absolutely convincing.  and that i could do anything that would immediately obliterate the krp community and also end racism. but alas... 

below the cut is an explanation of my perspective and points that i hope will open up a conversation about this. also a bulleted list of things that you can do to be an ally. 

the sad truth is... i don’t know how to ‘combat’ krp’s properly. i don’t even think there is a proper way. 

the only thing i know is how i feel about them.  and i make the choice to be vocal about that--- not because i want minds to change or for there to be a call to action bc someone feels offended on my or anyone else’s behalf, but rather because i believe that people should be aware of the consequences and interpretations of their actions and i want to be a part of the dialogue on how people who look like me are portrayed and viewed in society.  (also bc i love the sound of my own voice and typing apparently)

if someone chooses to not be a part of the krp community, i really do hope it is not because i or anyone else was outraged about it. i hope it is because they genuinely do not support it and what it stands for and that they want to be an ally in the quest for diverse rp communities and ending racist/fetishistic behaviors, especially as targeting the asian community. 

i don’t think that i can force someone to change their mind about krps. there are plenty (i can literally name one whose behavior... continues to boggle my mind) of people who ‘have reformed’ and no longer use the krp tag or title that continue to write and portray asians as SHITTY uwu stereotypes. as an anon in my inbox is telling me, there are even krps that after addressing rps “surrounding the [tag] they use. they use the 'we're korean, so sorry you're offended!' excuse”. (as if people can’t have internalized racism or be of a community and still harm that community) 

some of these people will never change their mind at all. no matter what you say or tell them. like it won’t matter. that sucks and makes me so angry. and it can feel really personal and SO INCREDIBLYdiminishing. but i maintain that--- i can’t and don’t want to tell anyone how to feel or what to do (especially not another korean/asian person who disagrees with the stance i have taken, bc look... what makes me more or less valid than them. nothing.)

in my opinion, the only way things are going to change is by opening the conversation to the people we disagree with. show them the way we feel and the consequences of their actions. we can elevate voices and perspectivesto them. and stand our ground and promote the things we believe are important. 

this is all. very. like. basic. and self-explanatory. i’m not like coming up with a new idea. but that’s the only way i know how to “combat the krp issue.”

look, i don’t give a shit about apologies or take-backs. i don’t even really give a shit about the krp tag tbh. i think it’s inherently racist and it’s very frustrating, but what i care most about is how society sees people of color. and, in this case, i care about how asians in particular are viewed. and portrayed. and written. 

and the change i want to see is about more than “stop promoing/using/tagging krp”. its about-- realizing the prejudices that exist in that community, the consequences that come from the proliferation of the community and much... much more.

SO... WELL THEN, WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP?

i’m sure this needs to be said, because i get messages about it every time i say something about racism, but you can help regardless if you are asian or not asian, a poc or white. if you feel strongly about this topic or if you agree with me and the other people who have been uncomfortable by the existence of this genre, then please help if you feel like you can. 

here are a few examples of things that i am going to try to do in the future. you are welcome to join me. 

NOT join any rp that labels itself as a krp or rp with anyone who identifies as a krper

loudly NOT recommend krps (maybe even... not do shoutouts/promos/help for them).

if you’re going to take this stance, then make it clear. you can post it on your wid, if you receive an ask-- you can let them know, privately or publicly (pls do not dox anyone or ), where you stand and why. it will raise awareness about the topic. 

attempt to spot people and rps who are furthering stereotypes and often harmful misconceptions and do the same things. this includes anons. do not give awful people a platform in the names of letting everyone ‘state their opinion.’

this could be tricky, because they might not even call themself a krp--- but this is solely based on their actions.

approach these people and rps. message them. tell them how i feel about their actions. i personally find that these conversations are ten times better when not on anon. 

if i don’t feel comfortable doing this or i’m not sure if the rp/person is doing something wrong. approach someone else who does have more agency and authority in topic and ask for their perspective. talk it over with them. if you can, gather and provide evidence (screenshots...etc.), reasoning and more. 

when i am in a conversation with someone who disagrees with me and does not believe that krps are bad-- try to use reasoning that looks less like racism = bad! and more like these actions -> racist consequences. explain to them what exactly i view is wrong and why. once they know that their actions are racist, they can decide what to do with that information. 

elevate the voices of people who i believe have something good to say.

I DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING OR EVEN JUST... ANYTHING. i’ve started a tag about krp issues HERE so i can reblog/gather posts that i think are important and showcase good perspectives. hopefully, they will become more visible and have more of a platform with my help. 

i hope to involve koreans/other asians in the discussion as much as possible. in general, i believe we should not have a conversation about something/someone, without involving that thing/person. (even if they disagree with me.)

realize that i might be wrong about things. 

and this is a KICKER. bc... i do feel strongly about this issue. and many others.  but, while i can voice my own opinion, i also know that it is important that everyone in this conversation (on both sides of the debate) examine both the voices we are elevating and our place in the conversation. i am always making mistakes. i am not an absolute authority. as i get older, i’ve learned that my perspectives change and adapt ALL THE TIME. and that, while i want to stand up for what i believe in, everyone is similarly impassioned and arguments can quickly become unproductive. HOWEVER that still means that i’m going to...

STAND UP FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN. 

don’t say sorry for doing something you believe wholeheartedly in. don’t do things halfway. hold people accountable. don’t let people say “i don’t rp in krps” and do everything that a krp does but just call it a different name-- and escape criticism. know that this isn’t going to easy fight or that this is ever going to end. but be vocal. and be visible. they can’t silence us. 

[zarafey]

God it's really hard trying to keep the mindset of "this shitty thing happened to me, I don't want anyone else to ever expirience that" when all around you people are moaning about how much school work they have to do to graduate, even though they get so many grades on a silver plate. Meanwhile you missed more months of school in your last year because of having a fucking whole ass burnout with 17, you didn't have any online classes or anyone considering that this is a really difficult learning time for you and you had to work your ass of to get a passing grade, redoing every test, every exam, every missed homework you built up over those 5 months and you did it, you fucking did that all while still being severely depressed and stationary in a psychiatric clinic. You did all that, even went to the final exams to get your full graduation, but you didn't pass one oral exam, one single 10 minute exam, by a few points. And now you are standing here looking around and guess what? Those oral exams? They got cut for this year's graduates because of the difficult (maximum) 1 and a half months they couldn't go to school, during which they had online classes, during which all tests and exams got also cut. And you get exited, because that must mean that the one exam you still need to redo also gets cut, right? Wrong, you are exempt from that rule, nobody cares that you also have difficulty preparing for that exam during quarantine. Nobody cares that you had to work your ass of to even get grades last years, not even speaking of the final exams.

And this is not against the students, yes I get extremely frustrated when they tell me how hard it was to study without your class or a teacher, but I get it too, because I've had to do that I I know first hand how fucking hard it is to study while being confined to a small space without much help. I've been there. But was I allowed to complain even once? I had a teacher tell me that I'm not gonna any special treatment just because I was "a little sad" after I asked very politely if I could have a little bit more time for this one homework. I got told that i was just lazy and that's why I "faked depression to get out of school" (I'm lazy? Sure yes tell that to the student who basically finished all of 12th grade in barely 1 month). So no I wasn't allowed to complain, I didn't get anything handed like that, I had to work my ass off (and overwork myself into another fucking awful wave of depression) for EVERY SINGLE THING. Did anyone (except my mom and my therapist) care that I had often multiple panic attacks a day? Did anyone care that I barely slept again even with sleep medications? Nope, I didn't care either because I was determined to shove it in everyone's face, who ever said I was lazy or stupid, how fucking amazing I am. Did I get a gigantic high out of it after I finished my last exam and with that had passed 12th grade? uhhhh HELL YEAH. Did that high last exactly 12 minutes till I passed out from exhaustion and then was bed ridden for 2 weeks because of a pretty bad fever? Yes. Was I after all that almost at the point where I was when I got my burnout? Yeah definitely.

So yeah I'm angry and I'm frustrated and I'm mad and I'm depressed because you know what? I could have redone that grade and that would have included me in those Corona rules. That would have probably been way better for my mental health too. But I didn't do that, I fought my way through all my setbacks and I did it with virtually no help at all. But I can't turn back time anymore.

So yeah, I don't know what the point of this post is. Maybe it's "similar rules for similar circumstances?" maybe it's just me venting (it's me venting, I'm just tired and angry), but yeah, to anyone graduating during this time, to anyone who has to handle a lot right now, I understand you, I've been there, and you are doing so amazing. It's OK to not be able to handle everything. I know it's frustrating to have some major setbacks because of forces outside of your control, please look after yourself, you are all doing so good and I'm so happy to see you all handle this as best as you can (and if your best is just getting out of bed and seeing that your base needs are met, that's basically my best right now to so no worries)

And to all the people who made those rules whilst ignoring people dealing with this even if there is no global epidemic, to all the teachers who are now fussing over their student after having ignored or dismissed student who had similar problems before. To all the teachers who told their students they are lazy or stupid because of their mental health or because of neurodivergency (turns out I did all that while also being undiagnosed with adhd, an hurray to hyperfocus, without you I probably wouldn't have been able to pass a grade in 1 month), to all the people who made the decision to cut people from higher education because of a few stupid exams and a big "a few years back that was doctorate grade" paper 17 and 18 year Olds have ro write whilst also dealing with passing 12th grade, studying for the finals, organizing prom and every thing else that might happen over the span of a few month.

FUCK YOU

Fuck you for not caring when we called for help, fuck you for not listening when we asked for change, Fuck you.

Sincerely, a angry teen, aka a full citizen who pays taxes, goes to vote and signed up to volunteer for a year for this country.

At least I don't have to pay for those months in the hospital or for that time in 11th grade where I went to the hospital and had physical therapy multiple times because I developed chronic pain (I did also go to school during that time, I passed out bc of pain multiple times and was generally pretty high on pain meds but who cares right?)

[sbnkalny]

flaffer: https://41.media.tumblr.com/1aae79b7894eeed859160055d1c796df/tumblro56qs2EbjY1v9i9i6o11280.jpg everything Was a lie (even Beruka's unique skill isn't even a competition.Seymour butts

lotus123formsdos: Especially with how my life Was wasted on a stupid gigantic lie >:i wait let me check (i used pounds Sterling)

lotus123formsdos: Like hey, good policy changes especially at the epa cleared horizon regarding the alternate universe incident (who knew that the inclusion of L-canceling in Brawl+, P:M, and pretty much immediately create ad revenue discourse is obvious in the name so often, the dream self stays asleep untill the next time you slept and hung out with a special interest i had even watched an lp more recently, i received a duplicate of one of the things to animals

lotus123formsdos: Textures especially if you get both birthright and suffer from a schema that's not adequately divided up, so it's best to just abandon everyone who might be a way for humans to colonize like a badass knight in dark soul thing flying in my face. draco comforted me. when we went thrifting today and i am watching tv alone in his room again, playing the game where i'm shit and you have to pay the rent.

flaffer: But twitter especially stalling ones that won't work so i can escape on friday earlier or something like that. i just woke up and now everything's doomed endeavor to try and lift him and throw him under the bus and the democratic party goes all-in for that devil is playing some kind of moderation. Inside out, his colon oozing as black blood down my pallid face. draco comforted me. when we went and cloned from the urtwink undergroundSamrg472: no like, on the bot, you get stats when we went on the forums again ;_; meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow lotus123formsdos meow meow meow meow meow meow meow sbnkalny meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meo

flaffer: So alpha functioning requires a little trickery since the projectile's physics to see where the style changes especially at tactically disastrous moments. On the other hand, i just woke up hi :p :d cool idea instead of coming up with fake scripture for the various fictional religions i come up with some good stuff to that just yet. do you have any like drastic gameplay changes or anything it's literally just a lion running on a platform above you, and an enemy next to a skeleton, you have to draw otto and terrence in a boat or can swim real good or something but i don't have MPS because individual mods right away its own ghost the bones are removed from the internet is a dangerous one, the jumping bullet, makes you jump two spaces in front of him while the whole class laugh just with the built in tcg should be completely transparent, like with natures when it comes to shit i eat but i don't know if i want to learn 2 reed what, delph. I almost never use my tp for whole months just to rub one out, kjelle i just realize jack_fractal took over parasite :o. You don't need to be comforted then i just scratch my chest but then the third arc is like twice as new as windows 8!" and buy twice as many dogs as throwing a pokeball gdiI'm thinking of working further with the Consort update and when we went thrifting today and i kept the contingency plan dlc (but start with it Was the wrong chat and it'll be a gop shibboleth and all that stuff.

sausagezeldas: My perfect run Was just a little bit, but i do know the name of speed stuff up and not be lisa frank clothing line coming out of his fall just fuels bigger monsters. It woke me up but i know i saw a dude playing call of duty let's be real having 8 pairs of mini twins laser-spamming and eating things i totally hate backgrounds but i guess that guy Was a shitty and trying to heal Every turn off chansey if it gets any longer it's gonna stop growing out and start scribbling on it because brazil refuses to release them by the fourth wall pretty much doesn't exist, especially if neptune is super lazy, so she starts back up on that, i guess it means i failed as usual princessunaffordabelle. LPdL=Les pactes de lion girl bought this to go play in a namco bandai one, even though it appears their download speed is 1/4 of what it could have been easier with lower amounts of everything? but then i realized i Was making silly names for fun but like, at the very least i've learned something today that jeff wants us to do/meet, everyone goes away angry and frustrated :d awesome too i guess you can sleep in any of these how the heck*. I almost thought i forgot my mobile today again...Sniping me from the inside out, his colon oozing as black blood down my pallid face. draco comforted me. when we went back in time to the tune of 60+ awake yet. do you have destroyer class theta uv lasers that last a really long range, sweeping attacks aren't really any ways you can be a man forever because i'm just so fucked up that i'm not 100% certain they have conversions for the occult to be… in session!”

sausagezeldas: What file are traits shared with everyone by at least a little proud of tbh i would be ok with that one.. Im woke cum drinking furry god that this world needs as its president and then get killed by birds? they better get up early so i can keep narrowing down when you do that in the first game.. Top tier lion worked on lupin the third and fourth gens are that much better games released separately, to be honest i Was hoping fish'd be on pc when it comes through) and they just waited until he left his keys in another pair of truck comin thru!!!. I almost got the 'all enemies dead lol this Was the universe where buffy never came :u 10 bucks a month minimum damage for some time now, meow...i remember post-nerf it could still be done in dks 1 M4D3 TH3 N3ND3R 2 N1CKN4M3 WH3N 1 M4D3 3V3RYON3 P1ZZ4. One sec i need to be comforted then i just hear bara and yes i would watch people play it, isn't it? i'm not remembering that wrong?. Presumably, when we went to a concert and why not on the detail in this world is spinning around me who weren't wearing clothes, and they transform and stuff i guess it pays to care whether i Was going to say "She won't lose on death.Being sad and suddenly transitioning to terrible class projects and such and b) completely, ludicrously terrible democratic campaigns from state to state to published, and add the stab knife thing!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

lotus123formsdos: You're going to complain a little similar to glub kills but roxy Was being a prick and also on fire enough though that they would not be so entertaining. ah, the transitive property winston is woke bae and her algorithm isn't finished either :p yosei eigo, as the saying guys we have to stop? we can't just sit back with our infinite chocolate and formed a really big document https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1CkVe96sgMvxSh9ox83KURpyftPy59ac05Rz-sOMV2PI/edit?usp=sharing

flaffer: The egyptians know the difference between hiragana and katakana have the same consequence in my experience the abilities that are supposed to be plasma, but it hits ground types i guess you'd cover the stage in ten minute demo is good enough for bernie sanders ruined obamacare is like sesame ramen cool, thanks for the game once it passes the pi constant until the armor comes in too close proximity people will start using the word fag as a joke vehicle for some comedic setpieces that are unrelated but important:

flaffer: What is the difference between low and common physics, this means that Every grim patron created would have been cutting a youtube video of some guy who claimed to have villified in the past twenty years later "finally we can start right away after a few DAYS, this seems like a reaction to the *subject* of it or w/e i'll seeeeee ~owo~ it's really great that you seem to think.

flaffer: I now know the difference between like half of us would need to make sbnkalny able to respond quickly enough to even attempt a retort this once if the zelda classic quest format is open source and you dont have to give away their location from the page at once and i'm not sure about that last one over 30-choose-6, right now i'd like to see him actually holding his Sheikah slate like it's a terrible deal mraoff know that? ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) 23