#it's been a while since i last feel THIS MUCH PAIN

[chicgeekgirl89]

Rating: K Summary: T.K. is eager to return to the firehouse for his first shift post-icy pond coma. He's feeling great, excited, and ready for anything. What he doesn't expect is a surprise visit from a lonely Carlos in the middle of the night. A/N: This one has been sitting for a while and I figured I should probably release it before we FINALLY get some new material to work with this week!!

Read on AO3

“Did you pack extra socks?”

“Yes.”

“Your vitamins? Your hoodie?”

“Yes, Carlos.”

“I put an extra blanket for you in a bag by the door, make sure you grab it on your way out.”

“Okay, this is starting to feel more like my first day of Kindergarten than my first day back at work,” T.K. chuckles. 

Carlos shifts uncomfortably and huffs. “I just want to make sure you have everything you need.”

T.K. puts a hand on his chest, steadying him. “I’m going to the firehouse. Not the moon. If I need something you can bring it to me. It’s twelve hours Carlos. One overnight shift. I’ll be okay.”

“I still think maybe you should have waited until there was a day shift available,” Carlos insists. “You need your sleep.”

“Babe, I want to go back. I need to go back. If I sit around here for much longer I’m going to go crazy,” T.K. says gently. “The doctors cleared me, my dad cleared me, Tommy cleared me. I’m good to go.”

“Nobody asked me if I cleared you,” Carlos grumbles low, almost as if he doesn’t mean for T.K. to hear it. 

T.K.’s mouth twists into a half smile that he tries to suppress. Carlos has been extremely attentive and serious about T.K.’s recovery care since coming home from the hospital. There have been schedules and spreadsheets and alarm reminders about medications and appointments. T.K. has been plied with so much of Andrea’s soup that it feels like his eyeballs could float.

He still tires a little quicker than normal, especially toward the end of the day, and he hasn’t quite shaken off the permanent chill that ate its way into his bones in that frozen pond, but he feels almost back to one hundred percent. And he’s definitely well enough to get through one shift. 

“I will be okay,” T.K. promises him. “If anything feels off I’ll tell Tommy and come right home.”

Carlos eyes him, still not convinced. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

His phone buzzes and he checks it. “Nancy’s here. I’ll see you in a few hours. You’ll barely even know I’m gone.”

“Be safe,” Carlos says. 

It was their standard standard farewell before. Before the fire and the breakup and the ice.

“I will,” T.K. responds. The words have an odd weight in his chest. The last time he went to work they were broken up. He couldn’t promise Carlos that he would be safe, and he wasn’t. He fell through a frozen pond and died and woke up to a second chance with the love of his life.

It feels good to be able to make that promise again.

“Love you,” he says, pecking Carlos on the lips as he shoulders his work bag.

“Love you too,” Carlos says. “Ah! Blanket!” he calls as T.K. reaches for the doorknob.

T.K. accepts the bag from him. “Thanks Mom.”

Carlos rolls his eyes, but there’s a fond, slightly embarrassed smile on his lips. “Shut up.”

T.K. takes the elevator down to the ground floor and exits out the front doors to where Nancy is parked and waiting. “Aw yeah!!” she yells out the car window. “Get in loser! We’re going to work!”

T.K. throws his bag giddily into the back seat and buckles his seatbelt. “Freedoooom!!” he crows happily as she puts it into gear.

“Oh, yeah, like it’s been so hard for you recovering with Carlos catering to your every whim,” Nancy teases. 

She’s not wrong; he has no complaints. Carlos has been with him as much as possible for the last few weeks, rebuilding the fractured splinters of their relationship into something that finally feels solid again. T.K.’s heart is nearly as recovered as his body. There have been painful moments, lots of tears, anger, and some difficult confessions, but already T.K. feels stronger for it. The break up was awful, and part of him still hates himself for his role in it, but it almost feels worth it to be where they are now. 

“So catch me up on the gossip,” T.K. says as they drive. “What’s the firehouse tea?”

“Mm! Yes! God, I missed you,” Nancy says fervently. “Okay. Someone froze Paul’s boxers last week and he’s still so mad about it. He thinks it was Mateo.”

“And was it?”

“Nope.” She pops the ‘p’ and smiles wickedly. “It was me and Marj.”

“Nice.” T.K. sinks into the seat, already feeling like he’s settling back into normal. “What else?”

“Torbin’s girlfriend left him. Again,” she says. “And your dad found the decoy candy stash, but the real one is still safe.”

“Third cabinet from the left behind the spare hoses?”

“You know it.”

“Are there Sour Patch Kids?”

She takes her eyes off the road for a second to smile at him. “I restocked them for you as a welcome back gift.”

“Aw, thanks Nance,” he says, heart warming at her kindness. 

The entire 126 has stepped in a major way over the last few weeks. The fridge in the loft hasn’t been empty of food once, everyone has stopped by to check on him, and the group text thread has been full of encouraging and silly texts. It had hurt to watch them all get back to work once the station opened; he’d been able to attend the ceremony but hadn’t been cleared for duty yet. But tonight they will finally be all together again.

When they arrive the house is quiet. There’s no flurry of activity in the bays; everything is oddly silent and dark. 

“What’s going on?” T.K. asks as they get out of Nancy’s car, nerves fluttering. Have they been shut down again for some reason? They literally just reopened a couple weeks ago, if they’ve been taken out of service already….

The lights flick on and there’s a cacophonous shout of “SURPRISE!” as the whole team pops out from behind the engine and the ambulance. There’s a giant banner with “Welcome Back T.K.” on the front of the rig, along with balloons and streamers, and Paul is holding a massive cake.

The grin that splits T.K.’s face is so wide it hurts and he feels tears prick at the corner of his eyes. It’s Marjan who comes to him first, holding out her arms as she runs over for a hug. “Welcome back,” she says warmly and he squeezes her tightly before letting go to catch the next person in line.

Judd claps a hand onto his shoulder. “Good to have you home brother.”

“Thanks,” T.K. says. “And please tell Grace thank you again for all the meals. It’s made our lives so much easier these last couple weeks.”

Even with a newborn in the house, somehow Grace had managed to send over meals to make sure Carlos and T.K. didn’t starve during his convalescence. 

“Yeah between you and Paul she’s been basically running a catering company out of our kitchen,” Judd says. “Gotta make sure everybody’s taken care of. But you’re cut off now,” he announces loudly. “Time for y’all to do your own cookin’ again.”

“Bro, I can’t believe you didn’t even lose any toes or anything,” Mateo says when it’s his turn. His hug is accompanied by a back slap that chokes the breath out of T.K. for a second. “I mean it’s good, but like, that would have been pretty gnarly.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I kept all my appendages,” T.K. says. “I find them pretty essential.”

“Still, would have been a cool story,” Mateo says a little wistfully.

“Mateo his story is already plenty cool,” Paul says. “In fact, it’s so cool, it’s almost frozen solid. And that is why we got you this cake.”

He holds it up for T.K.’s inspection and T.K. bursts into laughter. It’s got Frozen characters all over it and reads “The Cold Never Bothered T.K. Anyway.” 

“It’s an ice cream cake,” Paul says proudly, like this is the greatest collective idea they’ve ever had.

“I love it,” T.K. says. “It’s perfect.”

“Okay, okay, let the adults have a turn,” Tommy says, breaking through the crowd and pulling T.K. into a warm, soft hug. “Welcome back T.K. It’s so good to see you well.”

T.K. hugs her back, a little extra tight. He’s very aware that he’s not the only one who lived through several days of trauma because of that pond. This woman’s hands saved his life, kept his heart beating long enough for help to arrive. Even when the question of whether he’d live had been answered, there was still uncertainty about how functional he would be. That he’s back at work like nothing ever happened is astonishing. It’s a triumph for both of them.

“Cap I don’t—“ The words stick in his throat because how do you thank someone for doing what she did?

She pulls back and squeezes his shoulders. “I know baby,” she says softly, eyes looking a little moist. “It’s okay. You’re here. That’s all that matters.”

Tommy looks past him and T.K. turns to find his dad. “C’mere kiddo,” he says warmly and T.K. ducks his head, slightly embarrassed by this display of fatherly affection in front of his team. “Love you,” his dad murmurs, pressing a quick kiss to his hair before patting him sharply on the back. “All right team! Let’s celebrate the 126 being finally, officially back together!”

T.K. takes a photo with the cake to send to Carlos before they cut into it. Paul makes sure T.K. gets the piece with Elsa’s face on it and they all talk and joke and laugh like no time has passed at all.

When the bells go off he feels a thrill go down his spine, excitement tinged with a little bit of nerves. “You ready?” Nancy asks as they climb into the rig.

“You know it,” he says with a grin. “Cap?”

Tommy buckles in. “Let’s roll.”

“Yeah!!! TNT is back in action!” Nancy honks the horn as they roll out of the garage and peal off toward an elderly slip and fall.

It’s a relatively easy call, a good, low stress reintroduction to the job. They drop the woman off at the hospital with a possible concussion and sprained ankle and are on their way back to the station when another call comes in for a fire in a single family home.

They meet up with the rest of the crew at the address, where they find a relatively small, but smoky kitchen fire. They’re not needed beyond basic first aid and are sent to a call for a choking at a restaurant next. 

T.K. is practically buzzing with energy by the time they finally get back to the station an hour later. Some of it is probably sugar from the large piece of cake he downed before they started, but he’s also flying high on the joy of saving people. He’d known he missed the job, but he hadn’t realized quite how much until he’d snapped on his gloves and started taking vitals again. 

He bounces out of the ambulance into the bay, already knowing that he’s not going to sleep at all tonight. Maybe he can persuade Mateo to pull a Mario Kart all nighter with him.

It’s past ten but the rest of the crew is still up, most of them in the showers still trying to get the stench of the kitchen fire off. T.K. is on his way to grab a second piece of cake when he hears Judd call his name from the doorway to the locker room.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Found something that belongs to you,” Judd says, an odd smirk on his face.

“Something that belongs to me?” T.K. wrinkles his nose. He’s barely been back five hours, what could he possibly be missing already? 

As realization dawns he rolls his eyes. “Is this a welcome back prank? What’d you do? Put my keys in jello? Hide a fish in my locker?”

“Nope,” Judd says. “You’d better go check your bunk though. It’s waitin’ for ya.”

His bunk? What the hell? Giving Judd a final suspicious look he heads for the bunk room.  

He enters with caution, aware that this is likely a trap. When his eyes adjust to the darkened lighting he finds Judd was right; there is a familiar lump that most definitely belongs to him curled up in the middle of his bed. T.K.’s heart stutters and he crosses the room in only a few strides, sinking down onto the edge of the mattress.

His hand automatically goes to Carlos’ forehead, fear that his boyfriend has somehow become ill or injured in the hours since he left home at the forefront of his mind. “Babe,” he says worriedly, brushing his fingers across Carlos’ face and down his neck.

Carlos’ eyelids flutter and he blinks up soft, brown, confused eyes at T.K. before quickly pushing up to a sitting position. “Hey,” he says, a little breathless as he tries to recover from his late night nap. 

“Baby, are you okay?” T.K. asks, his fingers still worriedly searching for signs of fever or injury.

“Yeah, yes, I’m fine,” Carlos says, clearing his throat and scooting back so there’s some space between them. 

Relief extinguishes the spike of adrenaline in T.K.’s veins and he relaxes a little as curiosity takes over. “What are you doing here then? Did something happen at home?”

Carlos’ face takes on a slightly evasive look. “No, everything’s fine at the loft.” 

“Then why are you asleep in my bunk?”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I was just waiting for you.” The words are quick, almost defensive.

“Waiting for me?” T.K. frowns. “Did you come all the way over here just to make sure I haven’t passed out or something? Seriously Carlos, we talked about this. I promised I would be careful.”

“No, that’s not—I wasn’t—“ Carlos huffs in frustration and T.K. tries to read the look on his face without success.

“Baby, what is it?”

Carlos looks down at his hands and mumbles something that T.K. doesn’t catch. “What?” he asks, confusion and concern clouding his happy back-to-work buzz.

Carlos sighs and meets his gaze, embarrassment all over his face. “I said, I missed you.”

T.K. softens at these words. “You came all the way over here because you missed me?”

“It’s stupid,” Carlos says, his discomfort at this vulnerable admission written into every line of his body.

“No,” T.K. says, scooching a little closer to him. “No, baby, no. It’s not stupid.”

“It is stupid,” Carlos says. “I’m a grown man. I should be able to spend one night without my boyfriend.”

“It’s okay,” T.K. says with a chuckle. “We’ve spent a lot of time together lately. It’s cute that you got lonely without me.”

“This was dumb, I’m gonna go.” Carlos starts to get up, but T.K. catches his hand. 

“No, stay for a little bit.”

Carlos sinks back down reluctantly. “Isn’t everyone coming up soon? It’s late.”

“They’re still cleaning up downstairs. And Judd knows we’re up here. He’ll probably make them give us a few minutes.”

He grabs Carlos’ arm and pulls it around his waist, scooting backward toward the center of the small mattress and pushing against Carlos’ body.

“What are you doing?” Carlos asks in confusion.

“Come on, snuggle me. You drove all the way over here, might as well get some cuddles to remember me by in our bed tonight.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, come on.” T.K. wiggles his butt invitingly until Carlos slides down and spoons him the way he wants. “See? Better already, right?”

Carlos huffs a laugh against the back of T.K.’s neck. It’s a tight fit, both of them on this twin size firehouse mattress, but they squirm around and manage to find a position that’s comfortable enough.  

T.K. waits, feeling Carlos relax against him as the minutes pass uninterrupted. His own eyes feel a little heavy; it would be so easy to fall asleep like this. Sleeping on the couch at his dad’s for months had been devastatingly lonely. At the time he’d tried to pretend it wasn’t; that he was glad there was no room for Carlos when he laid his head down at night. 

But in the months since, he’s recognized how horribly isolating it was. He’d taken a lot of extra shifts because it was easier to sleep in beds that Carlos had never touched. 

These memories stir a thought. “You haven’t been alone at the loft since I came home from the hospital,” T.K. says softly.

He feels Carlos stiffen a little behind him. “Yeah, I guess that’s right.”

“It must have been hard before, all those nights when I wasn’t there,” T.K. says, focusing on every tiny movement and breath happening behind him. In all their many conversations the last few weeks, they’ve mostly talked about what broke them up in the first place and how to keep it from happening again. Carlos has avoided saying much about the actual time they spent apart. T.K. is pushing at a tender spot, one that Carlos has been loathe to talk about in lieu of “moving on” instead. But his boyfriend is here seeking comfort for a reason and T.K. can’t let him go home without uncovering what it is. 

When Carlos doesn’t speak T.K. pushes a little harder. “I had my dad and Mateo, but you were there all by yourself.”

“We don’t have to talk about this.”

There’s tension in Carlos’ voice and T.K. awkwardly rolls over until they’re facing each other, refusing to back down. “Did you talk to anyone? All those months apart? Have you told anyone how that felt?”

The lines of Carlos’ brow are tight, like he’s struggling to keep his feelings tucked down deep inside of him. “It’s in the past T.K.”

“If it’s in the past, then why are you here?” he asks, keeping his voice gentle.

Carlos swallows, his eyes closing like he’s in pain. There’s a long moment of quiet and T.K. wonders if he’s going to have to let it drop for tonight. But then, “You were gone. There was no one to tell,” Carlos finally says.

That’s what he’d been afraid of. Carlos hadn’t told his family, T.K. already knew that. And he’s far too polite a person to air his grievances to any of their friends, especially since most of them are also T.K.’s colleagues. T.K. is his person. The one he feels safe with. When T.K. walked out of that loft he hadn’t just left Carlos, he’d taken his entire support system with him.

“I’m here. Tell me now,” he says. “Please?”

Carlos’ eyes drop to the third or fourth button down on T.K.’s uniform shirt, the words too difficult to say to his face. “Those nights were awful,” he tells the button. “I would lie in bed, hating myself for pushing you away, furious at you for leaving me. I was—god—I was so lonely, T.K. I wanted you back so damn much it hurt.

He finally lifts his eyes a little and they look haunted, like mentally he’s reliving those awful, dark hours. “I know this isn’t the same. I know you’re just here at work, but sitting there in the quiet tonight, all by myself…”

“It felt like I’d left you all over again,” T.K. finishes for him.

“Yeah, kind of.” His mouth twists and he shifts uncomfortably. “I know this isn’t the same thing. I kept telling myself I’d see you in the morning, but I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t stop thinking and I just…I wanted to see you.”

“You can always come see me. If you need that reassurance, I will give it to you.”

T.K. takes Carlos’ hand and kisses it before pressing it over his heart, pounding forcefully with grief over mistakes and lost time beneath his ribs. His other hand he secures on Carlos’ hip, his thumb moving back and forth soothingly. “I am here,” he says firmly. “I am coming home to you. Every day. And every night. From now on. You’re not alone in that loft anymore, Carlos. I might not be there all the time, but I will always want to be. It’s our home. I don’t want it to feel like anything else ever again.”

Carlos gives him a lopsided smile. “Me neither.

“Come here.”

He pulls Carlos into his arms, holding him tightly. The tones go off and Carlos tries to let him go but T.K. tucks him in tighter. “It’s just fire, not us,” he says, feeling slightly guilty that he’s glad his teammates are running back to work because it means no one is going to bother them for awhile. 

They stay curled up together for so long, that T.K. wonders if Carlos is going to go back to sleep. But finally he pulls back, his body relaxed and loose. “Better?” T.K. asks.

Carlos nods. “Yes. Thank you.” His gaze turns more serious, assessing. “How are you? Are you feeling all right? How’s the shift been?”

T.K. chuckles. “I’m not the one who fell asleep in my boyfriend’s work bunk. Yes, I’m fine. The shift has been amazing. I missed this so much.”

“You haven’t gotten lightheaded or dizzy? You’re not too tired?”

“No. Not even a little.”

“Good,” Carlos says, relief smoothing out the last of the lines that crease his brow. “I know I’m being selfish, wanting to keep you home with me, but I really am glad you’re back. That all of you are back. It was nice to walk in and see the whole crew together again.”

“Yeah,” T.K. agrees, a warm bloom in his chest.

“I should get going,” Carlos says. “You need to get at least a little sleep tonight.”

“Come on. Since my dad is gone we can raid the secret candy stash before you go. I’ll even let you have some of my Sour Patch Kids.”

Carlos wrinkles his nose as T.K. pulls him to his feet. “I don’t know how you can stand those things.”

“They’re delicious! First they’re sour, then they’re sweet!”

“It’s almost midnight. Didn’t you have cake earlier too? Please tell me you ate a vegetable at dinner.”

[theawkwardterrier]

WIP Sunday

Tagged so very kindly by my wonderful meme bestie @lavellenchanted 🥰🥰 Here's a bit of the OL fic that I've been working on and that I'm mad about working on!

“Now that we’ve established my credentials, are you comfortable removing your shirt, soldier?” she asks, finding it easy to fall into the manner of address that saw her so well through the war. He lifts an eyebrow at the term, but doesn’t comment. “Aye, I trust my tender self to yer ministrations, Mistress, if that’s what ye mean. But I might need a bit o’ help with my shirt.” His good hand gestures to his opposite shoulder, and his smile is fading along with the light which had entered his eyes. There are plenty of patients she’s had who would have done better with a response that was stern and reminded him that he didn’t need mollycoddling, or with joking about to chivvy him from the mood he was sinking into. But some instinct, beyond the knowledge that she has built from experience, makes her do something else entirely. “Take your time,” she says gently. “I’ll help where it’s needed.” He does manage to bare himself most of the way, and not altogether terribly slowly. The trouble comes, as they both knew it would, with his injured arm. His mobility is such that he cannot twist his arm to reach up and remove that sleeve; perhaps at night he shakes it off, or has a comrade who will help him, but he doesn’t seem interested in putting himself on display in that way, and she doesn’t want him to. Instead, as he stops with the shirt draped over half his body, she makes her way around him, making certain that he can hear her movements, that she touches him gently along the back of his neck first so he can sense where she will be aiming next since she isn’t certain whether he has full feeling in his shoulder and doesn’t want to startle him. She doesn’t say anything as she eases the sleeve away from his skin, no small talk or even evaluatory questions, nothing about his shoulder or the deep scarring that she finds across his back. Jamie, however, speaks without her having to ask. It’s a terrible story, despite the calm with which he tells it: a Redcoat captain, an attack on Jamie’s sister, a crowd which watched him being viciously whipped for crimes that he hadn’t committed — including his father, who died thinking that his son had died first, and in such pain. During the war, she saw other nurses grow attached to patients, staying at a certain bedside hours after their shift had ended, singing a favorite song to dull the pain, even placing a kiss on lips breathing their last. Nothing close ever happened to her; not, she thinks now, necessarily because of Frank, but because she was better able to wall herself off and keep from true connection with the soldiers and partisans and innocent civilians who she treated…or maybe because none of them was the right one. For a barely-breathing moment, she can imagine bending and laying her cheek against the scars, letting him know that while she might have not been there to heal him then, she is here now. Beneath layers of fabric and padding, her stomach rumbles — only hunger, to be certain, signaling the hours since she finished the last of Nan’s bannocks in the cart, but a reminder of the care that she needs to take now. No foolish mistakes, not when she isn’t only protecting herself. “And how did this come about?” she asks, placing a delicate finger on the raised arch of his shoulder joint. As much as she is striving to bring herself back to that vaunted professionalism, her voice is still soft.

Tagging my buds @flyinghome-againstthewind, @smashing-teacups, @frasers-of-my-heart, and @doctorhelena, plus anyone else who wants to share some WIP fun!

[lacyssturns]

YOURE LOSING ME! ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

synopsis : reader and nate are secretly dating. reader wants to go public but nate doesn’t want to. can this make serious damage in their relationship?

pairing : sls! reader and nathan doe

warnings : angst , fighting , use of y/n, unresolved angst

“a pathological people pleaser, who only wanted you to see her”

nate had asked me to come over so we could talk. recently our relationship has been off, and distant. a week ago we got into a huge argument that landed up with me walking out.

FLASHBACK

“y/n you just don’t get it!” nate raised his voice, using his right hand to talk with him. “get what nate, i honestly don’t understand.” i yelled back.

he sighed, rubbing his hand against his forehead in stress, “im just not ready to go public yet okay? can we please move on from this?” he asked, eyebrows furrowing as he slightly shook his head.

“you have been saying that for the past YEAR nate?! why! why! you never give me a full understanding of why this must be so secretive, especially to my own brothers.” at this point im just begging, begging for answers.

suddenly, nate slams his hands against the wooden table causing me to flinch backwards. “because y/n im embarrassed.” the tears that were threatening to fall, then suddenly came out. “im embarrassed to be dating someone 2 years younger than me, someone i grew up with and i saw as my little sister for the longest time ever.”

the vision of nate infront of me was blurred out by the tears streaming down my face, “okay then if that’s how it is then im leaving.”

FLASHBACK ENDED

ever since that night i’ve been stuck in bed. nate’s words were stuck with me, they circled around my head creating a tornado that felt as if it was never ending.

my brothers all tried cheering me up or figuring out what was wrong but i just couldn’t get myself to tell them the honest truth.

now here i am, standing infront of nate’s door shivering from the icy wind. once i hear the door open i look up from my shoes. there’s nate, messy hair, puffy red eyes and a black hoodie with matching pajama pants we bought together.

“uhm hi” he said to me quickly moving to the side so i can move past him. i gave him a little smile while walking in, being enveloped with the warm air.

nate led me to the couch and once we sat together at least 2 other people could sit in the distance we had between eachother.

we sat in silence for a moment, enjoying the small time we’re spending after a week.

“y/n, i love you so much please never doubt that. i know you’ve been wanting to go public with us and i told you my reason why we shouldn’t. i regret telling you that because im not embarrassed by you..” nate told me, just as i was about to open my mouth he continued, “but..i can’t give you everything you want sometimes especially opening up to your brothers about our relationship.”

i felt as if my heart was ripped out of me and crushed down onto the ground, “what..” i whispered as he just nodded at me, not even making eye contact. “so are you saying that we’re..” he interrupts me to finish my sentence, “over.”

my breath was taken away as i scooted closer to him, “no nate what? please i can’t lose you! if you don’t want to tell my brothers that’s okay but please don’t leave me.”

nate inched himself away from me, causing a pain in my chest, “im sorry y/n..”

i couldn’t breathe, i could barely breathe. my mouth open but yet no words coming out. i feel a sudden sob start to come out me, letting out what was needed. i feel nate lean in to put his arms around me but i stand up.

“no, please..don’t touch me.” i murmured loud enough for him to hear. i grabbed my small bag off of the couch, rushing to get out of the place that used to feel like a second home.

getting into my car, i take one last glance at him. he’s standing in the door way staring, no emotion on his face… nothing. i quickly drive away.

i pull over a few blocks away from nate’s home. breathing uncontrollably, feeling the tears drip down onto my bare legs and head resting against the driving wheel.

⋆˚࿔ the end 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

@jetaimevous @mbbsgf @mattsdirtylittlehoe @valentinasturniolo @blahbel668 @memea32221 @ellelovessturniolo @ifwdominicfike @dominicfikeenthusiast @sunrisemill @mattsdolll @444alexis @frnkocnlvr

[traumaboyexo]

CIRCLES UPON CIRCLES: DOWNHILL

[[[Hey look more fanfic writing for the au called Circles Upon Circles by @ivipl1. This time about my fav character in this au, the lovable intern Ted Italics! Ted I love you please answer my calls]]]

You lie awake, staring up at the shining stars. Watching each of them chatter, scream, shout, swoon. Every single one, almost more insufferable than the last. Every single one, a cluster of disorderly madness driving you insane.

At least you're not doing it in a pool of your own blood.

At least you aren't suffering. Ripped apart again and again. Crushed by weights or bitten by beasts. No pain. Not a one. Your body free of scars and your mind released of agony.

It could be so much worse.

You could be them. The ones who are torn apart. The ones forced to be wise. The ones forced to be amongst the fools. The director who sees the script while dancing with the actors. A burning bloody violent world for each and every single one of them.

How lucky you are. To watch as the people are thrown to the wolves, to watch from above, so safe, so far away, so alone. It's so fantastic that you have this job. Don't you feel grateful? Don't you feel so utterly filled with joy? To know your life shall never become like that? To never have to feel the horrid sensation of death?

To be rid of the nightmares. The wishing. The falling. The failing. The guilt. The time. The walk. The run. The fight. Rid of it all.

You're practically living in a pleasant dream.

A dream that will never end.

Why do you cry? Why do you yearn? Why do you crave?

You don't truly wish to be amongst those riff-raff, do you? The scum, the unfortunate. You used to be one of them. You know the madness. You've seen it firsthand, you've felt it firsthand. And you've said you'd give anything to forget it. To get a new pair of eyes, to replace your broken nerves.

You don't really believe that these happy endings mean anything, do you? That they matter? That these lives or actions or events hold any weight?

The routine is all the same.

To be crushed. To wake. To cycle through and discover. To go forward and backwards. To be annoyed and to be frustrated. To befriend and to bond. To lie and scream. And then, to be together.

All of it nonsense. All of it seen again and again and again. Like an awful cliché.

Just a blip. A blip in your eternity. A blip in your part to play. All of them end the same. All of them are nearly identical. All of them suffer. All of them burn. All of them die. And live. And fall. And smile.

...are you not happy that your life is worth more than theirs?

And then you realise why you cry.

Because you're alone. Not a single friend is with you. Not a single companion to share your burden.

Because there's nobody with you. Because there's no one to smile with. Or laugh with. Or cry with.

It's just you. Alone. With the distant employer you call the Universe.

Not a drop of blood. Not a person in sight.

How long as it been since you'd had a bit of company? That you had someone to talk to that wasn't the insanity of the stars? Someone you could even relate to?

...you can barely remember.

...

Would anyone even hear you?

If you screamed aloud, at the top of your pitiful lungs, into the abyss of space and time, would anyone's ears catch even the slightest of a whisper of it?

If they did, would they care?

...

...perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to try.

...YOU HATE IT ALL. YOU HATE THIS PITIFUL EXISTENCE THAT'S CLAIMED TO BE A LIFE, A GIFT. TO COMPENSATE AS THE "FIRST".

A WRETCHED JOB THAT COMES WITH NOTHING BUT REGRET, JEALOUSY AND SOLITUDE.

YOU ARE BUT AN INTERN. FORCED TO DO THE TASKS NOBODY ELSE WISHES TO PERFORM. UNPAID, UNAPPRECIATED. NOT EVEN A "THANK YOU" TO BE GIVEN OR GIFTED. WITH NO BENEFITS, BUT THE CURSE OF ETERNAL EXISTENCE.

AND EVERYDAY IT BECOMES HARDER TO FIGHT OFF THE ENROACHING MADNESS. TO STOP YOURSELF FROM CURLING INTO A BALL AND GIVING UP. TO STOP YOURSELF FROM TRYING TO RIP INTO YOUR OWN SKULL. YOUR OWN AUGMENTATION FOR SKIN AND FLESH AND BONES. HOPING FOR ANYWAY OUT. HOPING FOR THE DAY IT ALL ENDS.

MAY EVERY WORLD BURN TO NOTHING BUT ASHES AND CINDER. MAY EVERY WORLD CRUMBLE AND CRACK AND DIE. MAY EVERY HAPPY ENDING YOU'VE BLESSED GROW SOUR, BITTER AND COLD. MAY EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU BE DEVOURED WHOLE, MAY EVERY SINGLE FAMILY FREEZE AND LEFT TO ROT. MAY ALL THE VOICES FADE INTO SILENCE AND BURN UP LIKE THE STARS THEY WERE MEANT TO BE.

MAYBE THEN THEY'LL KNOW. YOUR WRATH, YOUR ANGER, THE UNJUST NATURE OF YOUR VERY BEING. TO START AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL, FORCED TO WATCH EVERYONE ELSE CLIMB AND REACH THE PEAK AND PLANT THEIR FLAG OF VICTORY.

MAY ALL UNIVERSES CEASE TO BE! MAY ALL ENDINGS BE CURSED! AND MAY ALL SUFFERING LAST ETERNAL! MAY ALL DIRECTORS LOSE THEIR EYES AND BE BLIND FOREVER!

MAY IT ALL BE FOR NOTHING FOR IT TO MEAN SOMETHING TO ME!

...well, that's probably what you'd shout anyways.

You wouldn't know for certain.

You've never been one for long boring monologues.

Back to work.

[everpresence]

stop caring about what others think: the law perspective

hi, everyone! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

i've thought about writing this post for a while, especially since this is a mindset that i am freeing myself from. i know i'm not the only one who grew up in the state of being a people pleaser, so this is for people who were programmed to neglect their own desires and give in to pressure from family, friends, and society.

the other day, my mom noticed that i had a really long gray strand of hair. i didn't believe her at first, but when she pulled it out and showed it to me, i was shocked. it looked like it had been there for months, and i wondered to myself what i did for this to happen.

seth said that your physical body is a reflection of your beliefs, or your dominant dwelling state. if you notice that there is something "wrong" with your body, then you must first look into your thoughts and emotions over the last few weeks, months, etc.

Physical symptoms are communications from the inner self, indications that we are making mental errors of one kind or another. ♡ Seth (channeled by Jane Roberts), The Seth Material

after seeing that gray hair, i knew that it was because of stress. okay, what was i stressed about? i started looking back into what i had dwelt on over the last few months, and i realized that i was stressed out about a lot of things. what stood out, though, was my inner conversations about my family. i was mainly dwelling on what my family thought of me, whether i was worthy of their approval or not, if they were proud of me, etc.

in other words, i cared way too much about how they think and feel about me that it had translated to not only having that long gray strand of hair, it also translated to other physical symptoms (chronic fatigue, chest pain, rashes).

and not only did it translate to those physical symptoms, it also translated to my thoughts, emotions, and the events i was experiencing in the 3D. in other words, everything out here is a reflection of your inner state of being. the cause is always inner.

i found myself feeling more anxious about talking to my parents, wishing that they didn't bring up anything that i really don't want to do. i even avoided them for a certain period of time because of this fear. and since the law is always working 24/7, they ended up bringing it up way more often since i frequently dwelt on what i don't want to hear.

thankfully, though, if i decide to do the opposite (i.e., dwelling on what i want to hear instead), then the 3D has no choice but to outpicture what i choose to experience with my inner senses.

when you consistently dwell on people pleasing, on your fears and doubts about your family, peers, etc., these are all going to be translated into your thoughts, your emotions, your physical body, your experience—everything.

when you care too much about what other people think, when you consent to someone else's limiting beliefs about reality, when you care about external validation, it is only hindering your infinite potential. you are only going to experience such limitations and unhappiness in your reality because you chose to try to fit into someone else's box.

As long as you're in a state of consciousness where you care so much what other people think and what their attitudes will be, you're not going to get very far. ♡ Reverend Ike, "Your Unconscious Fear of Success Affirmation"

i am not saying this as a way to fearmonger, or to blame, or to guilt-trip you. that's not my intention.

i am saying this for you to fully realize the connection between your inner world and your outer world.

nothing is random. nothing is an accident. you are always getting what you concentrated upon, and therefore, you ultimately have the responsibility to choose what reality you want to experience.

you're the only one that can free yourself from these states. no one else can do that for you.

the more you focus on being true to yourself, the more you shift your focus from making other people happy to letting yourself be happy, the more you're going to experience the happiness that comes with the authenticity of your unique being.

yes, it might feel hard to do so at first, but that's because we have made a habit out of wanting to please other people and being rewarded with external validation. it is what we have gotten used to since the beginning of our lives.

however, if you want to be the best version of yourself, you must give up all inner conversations about what other people think of you, that what they think about you matters. stop the arguments in your head. their thoughts and opinions about you have no power over you unless you choose to give it to them. it only matters what you think and feel about yourself.

your inner world is your refuge, where every single reality you desire to experience and is already promised to you exists in this present moment. everything is happening all at once. here, you can experience how it'd feel now that you are free to be yourself, to do whatever you want, to be unconditionally loved and accepted no matter what. you must make this a habit, and the more often you do this, the easier it gets.

I must consciously return to my new state constantly. I must feel its naturalness, like my own bed at night. At first the new state seems unnatural, like wearing a new suit or hat. Although no one knows your suit is new, you are so conscious of it you think everyone is looking at you. You are aware of its fit and its feeling until it becomes comfortable. So it is with your new state. At first you are conscious of its strangeness; but with regular wearing, the new state becomes comfortable, and its naturalness causes you to constantly return to it, thereby making it real. ♡ Neville Goddard, "The Perfect Image"

if you find yourself going back to those old inner conversations, don't beat yourself up over it. don't criticize yourself. it's okay. consciousness is the only reality, but you are also having a human experience. you are on your own journey, and this is completely normal. be gentle with yourself and let those thoughts and emotions pass over, as they are only temporary. then choose to continue to let yourself dwell on who you really want to be within.

to wrap this post up, i have a song recommendation :]

i stumbled upon this song on spotify by paris hilton which features rina sawayama (I LOVE HER BTW RAHHHHHH). perhaps the lyrics will resonate with you guys and allow yourselves to enter the feeling of being your authentic self.

[myk-elric]

My fiance and i just finished watching Fullmetal Alchemist 2003 all the way through. It was his first ever watch and it had been YEARS since i last sat down to watch it. Rly glad i own it on dvd. Now we just gotta watch conquerer of Shamballa someday soon!! Unpopular opinion but i like the movie a lot.

Spoilers and discussion points abt 2003 while its fresh on my mind below cut! Feel free to reblog, quote reblog, or comment/reply with any thoughts/responses!! I love fma so much

envy is just pure evil in this version holy fuck

Envy is also *gender envy* this version, his voice in the dub even is gayer

Holy fucking shit did bradley just snap little selim's neck in front of dying and traumatized Roy!?! (Tyler and i both gasped a little in this scene. I had completely forgot abt it)

The ending feels rushed. I wonder why after an ok pacing the rest of the 59ish episodes

WinryxSheska forever in 2003 they so cute

This version really drove home and reminded u in so many (often times painful) ways and often: Ed and Al are CHILDREN

Nina :-: Alexander ;_; 03 is so fucking tragic so many times and ways

I wish tucker had died a brutal death as he deserved

With how tragic the tone and story was, some of the funny bits or typical boob shots felt a little awkward and out of place sometimes

Our world Ed dying under that blimp and Edward grasping he accidentally just killed another life to somehow save his own- i near choked up on eds small soft voice of true sadness

Ed dying to Envy. That was actually haunting to watch and see

I actually rly appreciate that the gore blood and traumatic shit wasnt hidden or blurred or cleaned up for tv. It would have felt wrong if blood didnt appear and ooze somewhat realistically after someone got stabbed in the heart or sliced up by bradley or shot in the arm etc

I want to watch more anime that dont shy from gore like fma doesnt

I want to give rose a hug. Im glad the rockbell house gave her and her baby a home and people to love her post al return

I hated Archer. What actual purpose did he rly serve other than being super evil and feeling like a kimblee clone?

Actually liked that scar killed kimblee for revenge of his brother in 03. It fit.

Oh also about the ending- it was so dialogue heavy! Opinion not meant to be a negative one but just a surprising observation i guess

Izumi, Sig, pinako, plz adopt me u kind and stern souls

Al losing his entire memory and the whole gate jumping was confusing. Especially to my partner since its his first watch

Like I understood the explanations they gave right at the end they are speculating to be tru but man. 03 leaves a lot of open narratives and storylines unfinished

Even in shamballa i remember there even still being a lack of answers for a lot of story lines

Ok im done for now im v tired

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC Season 2 Chapter 51 Translation (Part 1)

⚠️  SPOILER ALERT  ⚠️ This post contains a VERY HEAVY SPOILER for the chapter that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

Pushing open the door in front of him, he immediately saw the girl he had been searching for. 

She's all alone, confined within a glass container secured by layers of locks and cables.

The blinking red lights from the instruments cast an eerie crimson color on her. In that instant, he even felt like she might not be breathing anymore.

It's as if the last thread holding onto something in his mind had snapped.

Previous Lucien’s chapter -> [Here]

[Background Info]

VERY recommended to read [R&S Threshold] first for more pain

Anyway so- recently this phenomenon called space rift suddenly appeared in every corner of Loveland City. Many organizations including NW and STF have been keeping an eye on it. Lucien's chapter in this batch will be focusing on the 'the rifts'

Note that I won't delve deep into the "Odyssey" plot because it'll be the focus of Kiro's chapter. So, I will only write important plot points when the story touches that plot.

[Chapter 51-1]

There's a gaming company called Infinite that recently launched a new game called "Odyssey" and this game has managed to maintain its high level of popularity for several consecutive days. Things that's been happening like space "rifts", or discussions about the conference can't even dampen the enthusiasm about the game.

MC receives an unexpected collaboration invitation from Infinite. As she reviews the proposal, they discover that Infinite plans to use their latest virtual reality device, the Golden Apple3, for the game's promotion.

She remembers that she had experienced the previous version of that virtual reality device, Golden Apple 2 (1st Lucien's company story). In the end, her company quickly agrees to the collaboration because it's such a significant contract.

When MC returns home, it's already close to 10 p.m. And something strange happens after she steps out of the elevator.

It is almost ten o'clock when I return home from work. Just as I step out of the elevator, a sudden sense of deja vu runs through my body.

I hesitate and stop my steps for a moment, but that feeling has already disappeared without a trace.

I notice several packages piled up at my doorstep. As far as I remember, I haven't ordered anything recently.

I puzzledly try to pick up one of them, but my fingertip goes straight through the box!

MC: …!

I blink in disbelief, and the cardboard box lies perfectly intact at my doorstep as if what happened just now was just my imagination.

Am I so tired that my vision is playing tricks on me...?

I cautiously reach out and wave my hand, but the cardboard box in front of me remains untouchable as if it were a mere projection.

MC: (confused) ...What is going on?

The delivery boxes clearly have my name and address on them, but the shipping dates for all of these packages are... ten days later?

Feeling puzzled, a shadow falls beside me. I turn around, and a familiar person is standing behind me, seemingly out of nowhere.

MC: Lucien?

The strands of his bangs obscure the light, casting his already emotionless eyes into deeper shadows. The bandages wrapped around his wrist are soaked with oozing blood, the vivid dark red strikingly catches my eye.

MC: What happened to you!!

My heart tightens, and I hurriedly rush toward him, but my body "passes through" him just like it did with the delivery boxes.

In the next moment, Lucien disappears, leaving only a tightly closed door standing in front of me.

I touch the door in bewilderment; it feels cold and solid.

When I lower my head, the pile of packages at the doorstep has completely vanished without a trace just like Lucien.

MC: What on earth is happening…

??: MC?

I turn around in surprise and see Lucien walking out of the elevator with a smile on his face.

MC: Lucien-?!

I quickly walk over and, to his surprised expression, I push back his bangs.

His smooth forehead shows no signs of injury, and his deep eyes carry a slight hint of confusion, but he cooperates with my actions.

After confirming that there are no wounds on Lucien's body, I finally breathe a sigh of relief and meet his inquisitive gaze.

Lucien: Did this classmate here find something on my face?

I retract my hand from his waist, feeling somewhat embarrassed as I avert my gaze.

MC: It's nothing, I was just... I...

Seeing me a bit tongue-tied, Lucien smiles and soothingly takes my hand.

Lucien: Although I don't know what you were looking for, the hallway lighting isn't great. Come inside, and we can talk slowly.

(Lucien's 5th birthday bgm playing)

I sit on the sofa, cradling the perfectly warm hot chocolate, and take a sip. The sweet, aromatic flavor relaxes my entire body.

MC: I didn't expect Professor Lucien to start drinking this sweet beverage as well.

Lucien: While shopping at the supermarket, I remembered how you couldn't stop praising the taste of this chocolate, so I bought it.

Lucien: After all, if I invite you for tea at this hour, the Great Producer who works hard all day might have trouble falling asleep tonight.

Lucien sets his cup down and gently takes my hand.

Lucien: (getting closer) Now, can you tell me why you wanted to give me a "body checkup" as soon as we met?

I purse my lips and explain the "strange event" I just witnessed to Lucien in detail, my brow furrowing in puzzlement.

MC: Could what I saw just now be one of those "space rifts" that have been appearing sporadically in Loveland City lately?

MC: I got a little panicked earlier and didn't think about it at the moment.

Lucien: I understand. After all, concern can lead to panic.

I hear a low, deep chuckle beside me. I tilt my head slightly and am met with a deep smile, causing my ears to flush.

Lucien: But you're right; it should be one of those "space rifts," so there's no need to worry too much.

Lucien: It's not reality, at least not something happening right now.

Seeing my continued confusion, Lucien continues to speak.

Lucien: Recently, various organizations have been observing it, and I've also gathered some relevant information.

Lucien: It's caused by an unknown energy fluctuation, which tears open a "rift" in the present space and projects a "phantom" from the future.

Lucien: They can't be touched, and they don't affect reality.

Lucien: A more straightforward explanation would be some form of "foresight”.

I nod thoughtfully, grasping a certain point.

MC: So, these images from the future, are they bound to happen later?

Recalling him with bandages earlier, my heart tightens once again. As if he noticed my anxiety, Lucien clasps my fingertips and gently strokes them.

Lucien: (softly) I think the so-called doomed fate has long been shattered by you.

Lucien: Otherwise, the "doomed" comet destined for Earth should also follow its predetermined course.

His voice carries a reassuring certainty that can calm anyone as if nothing that happens can deviate from the path he holds in his hands.

Lucien: So there's no need to worry too much. Since I already know about this "future," I'll be even more careful.

MC: (worriedly) I'm just concerned if there might be any accidents... Professor Lucien, you won't be doing anything dangerous recently, will you?

Lucien: Hmm... (chuckle) Some of the experiments I'm currently working on do involve chemicals that aren't entirely safe.

MC: ... Are they toxic substances? Or the kind that could cause explosions?

Lucien: (chuckle then teasingly says)  Both, actually. But in my case, the likelihood of them occurring is almost zero.

His playful tone eases my concerns to some extent, but I still have a lingering unease. After some thought, I take out a few colorful ropes from my bag.

MC: Just in case, I want to add a "safety net."

MC: Yesterday, I had an interview right next to Grandma Wen's* shop, so I stopped by for a while afterward.

MC: She taught me a new knot, which she said could bring good luck.

Lucien leans quietly against my side, his fingertip lazily twirling the other end of the thread.

Lucien: Today, Pete was showing off the protective amulet he got from the temple at the research institute, claiming it's very effective and recommending it to everyone.

Lucien: But now it seems that I can get a more effective "amulet" without going to the temple.

MC: How could something I make be as good as something blessed at the temple?

Lucien: In Buddhism, the blessings of the Buddha are for all living beings. But what you make, all the intentions and feelings behind it belong to me alone.**

The subtle rise in his deep tone has an intoxicating effect and makes me feel entranced. In that momentary lapse of attention, the threads in my hand have become tangled.

The soft laughter in my ears carries a husky undertone as if he sees through all the restlessness in my heart.

MC: Please don't "cause trouble" Professor.

Lucien: Hmm? (chuckle) I'm just here to observe and learn.

He leans in beside me, watching attentively. After a while, a somewhat decent knot appears in my hands.

MC: (smiles softly) Although a bit superstitious, I hope it can help you ward off disasters.

Lucien: I heard that carrying these lucky charms close to your body enhances their effectiveness.

His fingertip gently traces the lucky charm, and he winks at me.

Lucien: (whispers charmingly) Would you be willing to help me put on this token of luck yourself?

*: Grandma Wen is the same grandma that taught MC to make a peace knot back in S1 chapter 9, she also appeared in Bound by Love SP (Chinese Wedding SP)~

**: This small bit is a nod to his 2023 Qixi Karma Date! 🥺. For him, her blessing and protection far outweigh any blessing that ‘god/gods’ can give him, and he is her most devout ‘believer’.

[Chapter 51-3]

After confirming cooperation with Infinite, MC is invited to experience the game device Golden Apple3 by them at the weekend.

On Saturday, I wake up early, and as soon as I push open the door, I notice that someone is already waiting for the elevator in the hallway.

MC: Good morning.

Lucien is wearing a casual but modest windbreaker. Upon hearing my voice, he turns around and there's a hint of surprise in his smiling eyes.

Lucien: You're up so early on a Saturday. Is there something going on?

MC: (smiles) I signed a collaboration with Infinite for their new game, and today, I'm going to try out their gaming equipment.

Lucien: Is it the game called "Odyssey"?

MC: Oh, you know about it too?

Lucien: Since the first-generation products of GA, they've been using a lot of technology related to brainwaves and data conversion.

Lucien: Today, they invited me to attend an internal neuroscience conference.

I recall the testing of their first-generation product with a little smile.*

MC: It's a shame I won't have another chance to be your “examiner”.

Lucien: So, you really like that role?

MC: Well, it's not every day I can get Professor Lucien to call me "Examiner".

The elevator doors also open as he speaks.

Lucien: Since our destination is the same, how about catching a ride with me, Miss Examiner?

They arrive quickly at the futuristic place. Once they're here, they part ways, and MC shakes her phone to Lucien to indicate that she'll contact him later.

MC is welcomed by the game producer, Bi Fang, who was rescued at the GR auction.

Because the game closed its first beta last week, she can't experience the game yet, however, she still can experience other things with the Golden Apple 3 device. With the accompaniment of a swan AI assistant called "Swan Lake" she experiences "Loveland City" in Golden Apple 3 VR. The technology is pretty great, "Loveland City" in the VR is identical to real-life Loveland City and her experience feels very real.

Guided by the swan, I stroll through the virtual Central Park. The refreshing air fills my senses as I gently run my fingers over the roadside flowers, their soft petals still carrying a cool morning dew, sticking to my fingertips.

I walk all the way from Central Park to my own home. Gazing at the apartment building in front of me, I'm unable to hold back my emotions.

MC: It's truly identical. It's just a bit quiet, a little more liveliness would be great.

Swan Lake: Received the request, I have polished the scene for you.

I haven't reacted yet when suddenly my vision blurs for a moment. When it clears again, there are many pedestrians in front of me.

Someone walks by talking on the phone, and people are playing with children downstairs. I ask the little black bird next to me in a daze.

MC: Are these also data?

Swan Lake: Yes, these scenes are simulated based on the environmental data we have collected.

As I speak, I even see the familiar security guard at the entrance nodding at me.**

The familiarity of the scene made me think that in the next moment, someone should come out of the apartment building, smiling and calling my name.

In the blink of an eye, it seems like there's a blurry figure gradually becoming clear behind the glass door.

I was about to speak when I suddenly heard a somewhat urgent "beep-beep" sound in my ears.

Swan Lake: Administrator permissions detected, experience will be terminated shortly.

The scene in front of me gradually dims, and the surrounding white noise disappears. The helmet is removed by someone, and the glaring light makes me squint.

Bi Fang mentions that the company is facing some issues and they need to evacuate. He doesn't explain more and looks a little anxious. Though MC is a bit puzzled, she quickly sends a message to Lucien and follows the crowds towards the escape corridor.

??: MC.

My wrist is enveloped by a warm palm, and when I turn around, I see that familiar figure.

MC: I just messaged you, did you also receive the notification?

Lucien: It's not clear what's happening yet. Let's follow the staff's instructions and leave this place for now.

??: AH– what's that?

An unknown commotion up ahead makes the orderly crowd move faster. Just as we turn the corner, I freeze in place at the scene in front of me—

An irregular, semi-transparent shadow hovers in the middle of the corridor. A faint mist emanates from it and slowly spreads to the side.

Lucien's brows furrow slightly as he tightens his grip on my hand.

Lucien: It's a rift.

I haven't had a chance to digest his words when the spreading mist gradually creates some kind of shadowy figures of nearby people, the shadowy figures slowly lining up in a long row.

MC: Isn't this rift a bit strange…

Lucien: If I'm not mistaken, it seems to be affecting reality.

*: She’s recalling Lucien’s first company cooperation story - [Simulation Project]

**: That security guard is actually Lucien's spy that often appears in some R&S, especially in [An Elusive Man] and [The Eyes That Witnesses] 😂

[Chapter 51-5]

The sudden appearance of the eerie phenomenon plunged the crowd into chaos. The black edges of the rift in the corridor also slowly expanded outward.

Lucien raises his hand a little towards the rift, and I suddenly feel a slight heaviness in my body. The air around me seems to distort for a moment.

I immediately realize he's exerting gravity, but the rift remains unresponsive.

At that moment, another powerful energy fluctuation sweeps through, elongating those eerie rows of shadows even further.

??: Ahh-!

Amidst the chaotic noise, a scream erupts as someone is pushed to the edge of the rift. In an instant, his body begins to turn transparent.

Lucien reaches out towards him but passes directly through the semi-transparent figure. Seeing this, I instinctively pulled him too.

At the moment of contact, a familiar power within me seems to resonate strangely with the surrounding energy.

Crackle—

A burst noise echoes through my eardrums as if a signal is being disrupted, and a blurry scene flickers before my eyes.

Crackle—Crackle—

A muffled and heavy roar reverberates in my ears as if many cold metal pieces are grinding and rotating.

In the blurry picture, I faintly see some huge, heavy gears surrounding me, slowly turning.

MC: ...Gears?

Lucien: MC!

I hear Lucien’s voice and snap back to reality.

The gears and sounds have all vanished, and in that instant, I feel a tangible sensation in my palm— I’ve caught that person.

Lucien grips my wrist and we pull that person out together. Then, we retreat to a more distant place with the crowd.

Lucien: Are you okay?

I shake my head in disbelief, subconsciously recalling the scene from just now. What were those rotating gears?

I lift my head and meet Lucien's concerned gaze, noticing that his expression hasn't changed. The people around us are still in the same state of panic.

I instinctively ask.

MC: Lucien, did you see anything just now?

He shakes his head, his gaze conveying a mixture of confusion and inquiry, indirectly confirming my conjecture.

I'm the only one who sees those mysterious gears.

At this moment, a resounding and powerful sound echoes down the corridor as a team dressed in Special Task Force uniforms marches through, taking control of the chaotic scene.

STF Member: An Evolver with an uncontrollable ability has appeared inside the building. The Special Task Force has already taken control. Please do not panic and evacuate orderly through the stairs.

After receiving clear instructions, the crowd that was previously in disarray slowly regains order.

As they move further away from the rift, the distortion gradually fades.

STF Member A: The situation here is dangerous. Please cooperate with the evacuation.

The special forces officer stands between us and the rift, not allowing anyone to get closer. Lucien calmly glances at the rift that almost swallows the corridor.

Lucien: This rift is different from what we've encountered before. It just exhibited characteristics of reality interference a moment ago, and it's still expanding its scope.

Lucien: Apart from simply evacuating the civilians and controlling the scene, you might need to prepare additional measures.

The STF officer hesitates for a moment, and it seems that he hears something through his earpiece. After listening, he nods in agreement with Lucien.

STF Member A: Thank you for the information. Please leave this area for now.

I look back at that dark silhouette again before I am led away from the building by Lucien.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back in the car, I fasten my seatbelt and still feel a bit anxious.

MC: Lucien, what will happen after that rift?

Lucien: I'm not entirely sure, but the Special Task Force should have a plan in place to prevent any major repercussions.

Listening to this, I feel relieved and lean back in the car seat, recalling the sensations I felt when I caught that person.

Like an unspoken connection, Lucien also thinks of the same thing, and he slightly glances at me.

Lucien: How did you manage to catch that person just now?

MC: I'm not entirely sure, but I felt a surge of power resonating with the CORE, and then I can hold that person.

Lucien remains silent for a moment, as if contemplating something.

Lucien: My Evol can't interfere with it, but yours can. Perhaps it's because of the unique nature of your power.

MC: Are you talking about... CORE?

Lucien: This is just my speculation, after all, CORE possesses many powers that we have yet to fully understand.

I look at my palm in silence, carefully recalling the resonance of power I felt when I caught that person.

Lucien's guess is probably correct. But why can the power of the CORE interfere with the rift?

And also, the spinning gears I saw for that brief moment…

In the rearview mirror, Infinite's building gradually fades into the distance, but there's always an indescribable unease lingering in my heart.

The car comes to a slow stop at a red light, and a hand gently covers my cold hand.

Lucien: Everything happens for a reason.

Lucien: Don't worry too much, every problem has its corresponding solution. It may just take more or less time to find it.

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The sunlight casts long diagonal shadows through the window, spreading across the papers strewn on the floor.

The young man with green hair sits on the floor, scribbling furiously. Messy equations occasionally fly off the edge of the paper, getting written halfway on the floor.

"The results will vary based on the change in C, but each time, it only gets infinitely closer to the threshold..."

Suddenly, a shadow appears on the windowsill. Joker doesn't pay it any mind, he just moves his papers to where there's more light and continues writing rapidly.

Along the windowsill, a young boy swings his legs and pouts.

Uno: Joker, how long do you plan to stay cooped up in here? Something interesting happened outside today.

[Chapter 51-7]

After close monitoring by the Special Task Force, the rift that had taken hold in the Infinite building completely disappeared after one day.

MC: "According to the investigation, the rift inside the Infinite building was caused by intense Evol fluctuations."

MC: "If any citizens witness similar phenomena, please don't hesitate to contact the Special Task Force at any time..."

After dinner, I lean back on Lucien's sofa, scrolling through today's news.

MC: ... I didn't expect this rift to last so long.

MC: The official explanation in the reports also matches what the Special Task Force explained on the scene yesterday.

Lucien: Until we have gathered enough information, this explanation is the least likely to cause a commotion.

The sofa next to me sinks slightly, and his familiar clean scent lingers around me. I relax and lean back, letting out a yawn.

From yesterday until now, that indescribable sense of worry in my heart has grown stronger.

I keep finding myself thinking about the rotating gears I saw when I got close to the rift and the constantly stretching shadows in front of it.

These scenes are remarkably similar to what I witnessed before at the ruins.*

Could there be a connection between the two? Is it related to the CORE?

Unconsciously, I let out another sigh, and Lucien gently ruffled my hair.

Lucien: (gently) Is it the rift from yesterday that's making you feel so uneasy?

MC: Sigh, it seems like I can never hide any little secrets from you.

Lucien: (smiles) This classmate has practically written her little secrets all over her face. Besides, you seemed a bit distracted during dinner just now.

MC: It seems like I've been a bit overly worried...

Lucien: In most cases, people don't feel uneasy about things they are certain of.

Lucien: So, turning the unknown into the known, and the out-of-control into in-control will alleviate those worries.

Listening to his words, I hesitate for a moment but still decide to tell him about the gears I saw yesterday and the "prophecy" I once witnessed in the ruin.

Lucien listens quietly, his expression shifting from a brief surprise to deep contemplation.

Lucien: Are you saying that yesterday, when you came into contact with the rift, you briefly saw a scene with many gears?

Lucien: And not long ago, you also saw a similar scene through the power of the CORE in a ruin.

MC: It seems a bit different... What I saw in that ruin, in addition to gears, there were also many human….

MC: Uh, something like "worms"?

Lucien: …'Human worms'?

MC: Yes, and then those gears eventually devoured them all…

Lucien ponders for a moment, and his eyes light up.

Lucien: Are these "worms" you mentioned similar to the shadowy figures we saw in front of the crack yesterday?

MC: If I must say, there is indeed a resemblance, but the worms I saw in the ruins were much longer than those shadowy figures.

Seeing me gesturing enthusiastically, Lucien takes out paper and a pen from a nearby cabinet and begins to write and draw on it.

Lucien: MC, have you ever heard of "four-dimensional worms"?

MC: Four-dimensional worms?

Faced with unfamiliar terminology, I shake my head.

Lucien: In the current dimension, we can only see ourselves in the present moment.

I glance sideways— Lucien is focused on the diagrams drawn on the paper, with a faint upward curve at the corner of his lips.

Lucien: But suppose we step into a higher dimension, the abstract concept of time, which is originally intangible, becomes a visible "axis."

As he sketches, a person's form from birth to old age is stretched out along a long line.

Lucien: And this shape might look like a "worm"... perhaps you've seen similar concepts in many movies.

Lucien: So I speculate that within the area where the rift appeared, there may have been a momentary phenomenon of "transitioning into the fourth dimension."

A simple sketch falls onto the paper, the slender, worm-like shape making the scenes from the ruin become even clearer in my mind.

MC: Yes... it looks just like this! Like a person stretched infinitely!

MC: So, what I saw in the ruin was actually people transforming into a four-dimensional form?

Lucien: That's right, those shadows near the rift could also be part of the "four-dimensional worm".

MC: But what could this signify?

The air falls silent once more, and Lucien speaks after a moment of contemplation.

Lucien: Some phenomena may only be visible to you as CORE, and they each have their own significance.

Lucien: Can you try to recall where else you've seen similar situations? Perhaps that could be part of the answer.

His question makes me feel anxious.

Of course, I've seen them—behind the gate known as the truth of the world.

But why did the scenes that should have appeared behind the gate show up when I touched the rift?

Complex thoughts are continuously welling up as if some subtle and unnoticed change has already begun.

Lucien: (tenderly) Are you thinking of some difficult questions?

MC: I'm just thinking... why did it appear?

Lucien: That's a very straightforward question indeed.

MC: Lucien, perhaps you know something?

He pauses for a moment, his fingers gently twirling around my hair as he plays with it.

Lucien: Because of the lack of evidence, I currently only have speculations... My guess is that these various phenomena might be related to that comet.

MC: ….!

Lucien: The earliest energy fluctuations that appeared within Loveland City coincided with the conclusion of the strange celestial phenomena brought by the comet.

Lucien: So my speculation is that perhaps it's a little "surprise" left for us by the comet. Of course, it could also be an entirely new phenomenon.

MC: I can’t believe it was so long ago…!

The timing seems too coincidental. Could the rift truly be connected to the gears or that door?

My mind is in chaos, and I sigh tiredly. In the next moment, I feel tightness around my waist as Lucien pulls my whole body into his embrace.

Lucien: In most cases, solving problems is the best way to dispel uneasiness.

Lucien: But if the problem can't be solved immediately, there are other little tricks to temporarily ease your mind.

Feeling his arm holding me tighten slightly, I bury my head into his chest and speak in a muffled voice.

MC: Then… Please help me, Professor Lucien.

Lucien: (in an almost whisper) Now, slow down your breathing rhythmically.

I begin to breathe slowly as he instructed. Soon, the faint scent of tea submerges my entire body.

Lucien: (whispers softly) Now, close your eyes and imagine yourself entering a place that makes you feel relaxed...

*BG changes to camphor tree*

As he speaks, a lush camphor tree appears in my mind. A gentle breeze rustles the leaves, and there seems to be a faint, earthy freshness brushing against my face.

Lucien: Everything that made you uncomfortable seems to have turned into specks of dust in your hands, and you are scattering them into the world.

A deep and slow voice by my ear is carrying a persuasive and gentle inducement.

I subconsciously raise my hand as he instructed, and that inexplicable feeling of unease that had been lingering in my heart seems to have truly diminished.

*BG changes back to Lucien's home*

MC: Lucien, did you perform some kind of magic trick?

Lucien: (chuckles and then whispers softly) It is a 'magic' that already exists in your body, I'm just giving it a little push."

Lucien: When people hug, their bodies produce serotonin and endorphins, which temporarily override negative emotions.

I nuzzle against his neck and shoulder lingeringly, hoping that this hug can last a little longer.

MC: I feel that it was Professor Lucien's presence that made all the negative emotions in my body disappear.

Accompanied by the low murmur by my ear, the arms holding me are squeezing tighter, deepening this hug even more.

Lucien: (whispers) So, are you feeling better now?

MC: Mm..

I take a deep breath.

Many things don't simply disappear by avoiding them, and I'm not alone right now.

Because the person who can help me uncover the secrets of the rift is right in front of me.

MC: Lucien-

Lucien: MC-

The simultaneous sound makes both of us stunned, but then we exchange smiles.

[Option 1: You speak first]

MC: You speak first.

Lucien: MC, have you ever considered... personally investigating what the rift really is?

Lucien: For you right now, this might be the quickest way to alleviate your uneasiness.

Words that felt like a meeting of our hearts and minds* left me momentarily astonished. I tilt my head to look at him.

[T/N: always love it when they use the word 灵犀 🥹. There’s no exact english word for it, I usually translate it as ‘tacit understanding’; but even that doesn't do it justice. It conveys the idea that two people understand each other's thoughts and feelings as if they share a special, almost psychic and soul-deep connection]

MC: (smiles softly) Is that also written on my face?

Lucien: (chuckles) No, this is a direction I've speculated about based on my understanding of you, perhaps one that you might find interesting.

Lucien: And for me, it's also what I need right now.

Lucien: Actually, I've been wanting to speak up today to formally invite you to help me with this favor, but I haven't found the right moment.

Lucien: MC, I need your power to continue exploring the secrets of this rift.

MC: Is it because CORE's power can interfere with it?

Lucien: Yes. I've tried before but never succeeded.

Lucien: But you might be the turning point.

Lucien: Of course, exploring the unknown comes with certain risks. So it's not an obligation, you have the right to refuse.

I tilt my head slightly and wink at him.

MC: Professor Lucien took the initiative to ask for my help, how could I refuse?

Once, when I was lost and hesitant, it was the person in front of me who gave me the answer - that only by always moving forward can you stay ahead of the world.

And now, it seems I have finally reached a point where I can move forward side by side with him.

I smile and extend my hand to him.

MC: Happy cooperation, Lucien!

Lucien: I look forward to working with you.

-

[Option 2: So... should I go first?]

MC: So… should I go first?

Lucien: (chuckles softly) Of course.

His lips curl up slightly, waiting for my next words.

MC: If I'm very interested in this rift, would you help me?

His gentle fingertips lightly pinched my ear, the sensation felt like a delicate and soft kiss.

Lucien: How could a teacher refuse to provide extra guidance to a diligent student? Moreover, this happens to align with my wishes as well.

MC: Your wishes?

Lucien:  Actually, I've been wanting to speak up today to formally invite you to help me with this favor, but I haven't found the right moment.

[T/N: the convo stays the same as the other choice after this]

[Chapter 51-8]

"Authentication successful, identity: visitor."

I swipe the visitor card to open the gate and follow Lucien into the grayish-white-toned corridor of the Bioultima Research Institute.

He leads me to an unfamiliar room and makes a welcoming "please come in" gesture.

Lucien: Please come in, little researcher. This is our "classroom" for today.

I look around this clean and simple small research room, noticing some equipment that's different from what's usually found in normal research institutes. There's also a door on one side of the room.

MC: Is there another room inside?

Lucien: Yes, inside is today's "practice" area.

Lucien then walks over to me, and using fingerprint verification, he opens the hidden door. The moment the door opens, I can feel a faint but very familiar power.

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The small room is empty, but in the corner, there appears a cabinet with only one corner.

The cabinet is "torn" by highly irregular lines, as if someone tore a piece of paper in half, and I can faintly see a border that's softly shimmering.

MC: Is this... a rift?!

Lucien: That's right, it's a rift that appeared five days ago, and I've managed to keep it here using some special methods.

MC: Can I take a closer look?

Lucien: (chuckles) Just in case, put this on first.

Lucien fastens an electronic bracelet onto my wrist.

Lucien: This bracelet will suppress your Evol. Once it detects an overload of CORE's power, it will activate a protective mechanism.

Lucien: This is to prevent your power from resonating excessively with the rift's power, avoiding any accidents.

I reach out to the rift and pass through it as I did last time, bumping into the cold wall.

Lucien: I've tried various ways to "communicate" with it, but all have failed.

Lucien: However, based on past experiences, I suspect that under the influence of CORE, the rift will establish some connection with reality.

Lucien: So that's why I hope you can help me verify this idea today.

MC: What do you need me to do?

Seeing my eager anticipation, Lucien smiles.

Lucien: I need you to use the power of CORE on the rift.

Lucien: If we successfully link the rift to reality, we can observe the other side of it.

MC: Make observations?

As soon as I finish speaking, a small robot drives in from the next room and stops in front of us.

Lucien: Mm. If it works, it will record what's on the other side of the rift for us.

Lucien: We can begin when you’re ready.

I nod, thinking that using my ability shouldn't be too difficult. So, I take a deep breath and concentrate on gathering that familiar power within me.

Soon, I feel a faint vibration coming from the other side of the rift.

At the same time, the instrument's screen starts displaying a large amount of data.

Lucien observes the ever changing data with a clear smile in his eyes.

Lucien: We've successfully influenced the rift.

After Lucien adjusts the parameters of the small robot, I nervously watch it slowly move forward. When it reaches the rift, its figure shimmers and merges with the scene on the other side.

Lucien: It has arrived on the other side of the rift.

MC: That's great!

I excitedly take Lucien's hand and shake it, and a small smile spreads across his lips.

Through the camera on the robot, we obtain some data.

MC: On the other side of the rift is the Bioultima Research Center 37 days from now. The passage of time there is the same as it is now...

The constant use of power has left me a little sleepy and I rub my temples.

MC: Lucien, what should we do next?

Lucien:  I want to try to see if I can get my Evol to affect the rift through the power of CORE, but….

He winks and gently taps the edge of my eyebrow.

Lucien: This diligent little researcher, why don't you take a rest for a while?

MC: I'm fine, I can continue.

I take a moment to collect myself, and see Lucien pause for a moment before turning around and leaving. When he comes back, he puts something white and fluffy in my hand.

The plush and soft texture wraps around my palm, and I lower my head to see a cute white round mochi-shaped keychain lying in my hand, with a pair of bright, lively eyes embroidered on it.

MC: This is... from KIWI's new little mochi series!

Lucien: I remember you mentioned passing by this shop before and how it always gets sold out.

Lucien: I happened to see a shop assistant restocking them on my way to work earlier, so I got one. Originally, I intended it as a gift for the lucky charm, but it has been sitting here all this time.

Lucien: Let it be your cheerleader, and boost the spirits of this hardworking little researcher.

Lucien picks up the little keychain and gives it a couple of shakes while saying this. The fluffy and bouncy little ball truly seems to be cheering me on.

I giggle and hold the soft toy in my hand.

MC: With this "cheerleader" cheering me on, and the great Professor Lucien keeping watch, I feel a lot more energized, so let's continue.

Lucien smiles and holds my hands in return.

Lucien: Don't be nervous. What you're about to do is similar to what you just did, and you can do it very well.

I close my eyes and awaken the power within me once again.

At the same time, Lucien also extends his hand – a sense of oppression emanates from all around, and the shimmering edge of the rift seems to be suddenly suppressed by an invisible force.

Unlike the situation during the interference at Infinite earlier, the rift clearly starts to contract under the influence of CORE.

As the power is released, I feel myself increasingly in conflict with a massive force.

This sensation presses down on me so hard that I can't catch my breath, and my breathing becomes increasingly rapid.

Lucien seems to sense it too. He squeezes my hand and asks if I want to stop. But when I look at the rift that has already compressed to a small size, I grit my teeth and shake my head.

The sudden contrast was so great that for a moment I was in daze. I gasp for breath, and the soothing pats on my back bring my restless heart back to its place.

The wall in front of us is clean, and the rift that had shown a corner of the cabinet has disappeared.

MC: Do we... succeed?

I look at Lucien uncertainly, and he nods slightly.

Lucien: (smiles and says in a proud tone, hint of astonishment in his voice) Yes, the first experiment to artificially close a rift is a success. Congratulations to this little researcher.

The sunlight gradually slants westward, casting a warm glow on his hair and softening the profile of his face.

I look at his eyes that still shining brightly in the gradually darkening twilight and find it hard to take my eyes off him.

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Perhaps due to the exhaustion of my power, my brain feels a bit dull. I obediently let Lucien lead me to the sofa in the outer room and sit down.

— The next moment, a hand covers my eyes.

Lucien: Take a good rest.

His body heat, carried by his dry fingertips, adds a layer of warmth to the part of our skin that's pressed against each other.

MC: Professor Lucien, what do you usually think about when you're tired?

Lucien: Most of the time, I have many research projects at hand. If I get tired of one, I switch to thinking about another.

MC: ….

Lucien: Of course, there's one subject that never tires my brain no matter how long I think about them.

Not hearing another response, I curiously open my eyes, and through the gaps between his fingers, I catch a glimpse of his slightly upturned lips.

The last rays of the setting sun hide within his gaze as he looks at me.

[Chapter 51-9]

Subtitled Video

Transcript

MC: Do you want to replace the robot and personally go into the rift?

After successfully closing the rift in the small room, we discovered a new rift in the alley near the research institute.

Lucien used a device that utilizes space-fold to "transport" this rift into the small room for further study.

On the second day, right after the successful completion of the research, he suddenly said he wanted to go inside the rift himself.

Lucien: The robot's range of movement and recorded data are both very limited. To obtain more information, seeing it with one's own eyes is the most effective way.

Lucien: We can now stabilize the rift's intervention time at 4 hours and 25 minutes using CORE's energy.

Lucien: Although it's not a long time, it should be enough to gather some information.

The rift experiments of these past two days haven't caused any danger, but I still have some inexplicable worries.

The image of Lucien with injuries and bandages in the rift that I saw back then resurfaces at an untimely time, intensifying my worries.

Based on the delivery at my doorstep around that time, it's roughly about a week from now.

MC: So when do you plan to enter the rift?

Lucien: One week from now, next Sunday.

Perhaps noticing my somewhat stiff expression, he sets down the report he was holding and walks over to me.

Lucien: What's wrong?

MC: …Lucien, do you still remember when I saw bandaged "you" at my doorstep before?

Lucien nods with an understanding look.

Lucien: According to that timing, next Sunday happens to be the day I got injured in the rift that you saw.

MC: (worriedly) Although I don't know if your injury is related to entering the rift...

MC: But just to be safe, it's probably best not to attempt anything risky on that day.

Lucien: (chuckles) Alright, I promise you. If we make it through that day safely, that "future" will also take care of itself.

Lucien: I'll postpone the planned time by one week and make some more thorough preparations.

I sigh in relief and nod. Lucien won't stop exploring because of such a thing, but for now, it's enough to give me some peace of mind.

MC: Then I'm going with you in two weeks!

His eyes flicker with a hint of surprise, then his eyebrows arch, and a soft smile spreads across his lips.

Lucien: Okay.

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The night before “Lucien” got injured in the rift, I was still so nervous that I couldn't sleep much even though we postponed entering the rift.

The next morning, I arrived at the company tiredly with dark circles under my eyes.

Every half an hour, I send him a text message. I have lost count of how many times I have checked my phone screen by now.

MC: ...It's been a minute, why hasn't he replied yet?

Not even a single word of the lengthy document in front of me enters my eyes, and I anxiously tap with my fingertips.

Buzz, buzz – my phone finally vibrates, and I quickly unlock it. Lucien seems to have sensed my anxiety, and he replies promptly to each of my messages.

Under my constant "supervision", the day passes without incident.

Finally, I can heave a sigh of relief and fully immerse myself in the promotion work for "Odyssey".

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I didn't send out the first batch of promotional advertisements until the end of this week. I walk into the residential area under a sky full of stars and let out a yawn.

Lucien has also become very busy these days, and I can only hear his voice in a few hurried phone calls.

The chat page has been stuck at noon more than a day ago.

MC: I wonder how the preparations are going…

The elevator door opens, and just as I'm about to press the floor button, a figure rushes in before the doors close.

I instinctively turn my head, falling defenselessly into a pair of smiling and dark eyes.

Lucien: Good evening, it seems that I got lucky today and ran into someone I wanted to see before going to bed.

MC: Are you done with your work?

Lucien: Mm, there was a project at the institute that needed to be rushed recently, so I was quite busy, but it's over now.

The elevator's light makes the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced, and I hold his hand with a hint of concern and distress.

MC: Are you feeling tired? Is tomorrow's plan still the same?

Lucien: Of course, it remains the same.

Lucien: Don't worry, I've set aside some time for rest, which is why I could rush back now.

Although he can't conceal his fatigue, there is a bright glint in his eyes, as if he eagerly anticipates tomorrow.

As the elevator arrives, he holds my hand and walks me to the doorstep of my home.

At my slightly confused gaze, he leans down and gently approaches me. A hint of white tea's scent fleetingly tickles my nose, and I feel a warm sensation pressing on my forehead.

In the quiet hallway, only his gentle voice resonates in my ears, accompanied by the pounding of my heart in my chest.

Lucien: (gently) Good night. I hope we both have a good dream tonight.

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Even though I have already made up my mind, I’m still feeling nervous the next day when I put on the bracelet at the Bioultima Research center.

Lucien straightens out my sleeves and takes hold of my hand.

Lucien: The device to maintain CORE energy is ready. We can depart at any time.

Lucien: Let me confirm one last time, are you really going with me to visit 37 days in the future?

The warmth in the palm of my hand is gentle, carrying a soothing touch. I take a deep breath and nod.

The warm sunlight filters through the window glass, casting a glow on the corners of his upturned lips. It feels as if we're not heading to the unknown land, but towards paradise.

The tightly clasped hands convey his longing into me, and I know that I only need to move forward without hesitation now.

The moment I step into the rift, a tremendous surge of energy comes crashing in—

I barely have time to react before I'm thrown into the chaos. I attempt to reach for Lucien's hand but find that my body seems to be out of control.

I want to scream, but I realize I can't even open my mouth. Amid the chaotic dizziness, I faintly hear some voices.

??: Energy transfer... 132%, detecting... consciousness retained.

??: Increase... output.

The words sound like fragmented whispers, as if there's a thick barrier between me and them. But soon, the voices around me begin to fade away.

In its place, there's a heavy and distant roar that’s not unfamiliar to me.

My body seems to be floating, and I struggle to open my heavy eyelids—

In the void, massive and worn gears surround me. My body is so tiny that I feel like nothing more than a speck of dust that has drifted in, instantly swallowed by the rotating air currents.

With a discordant shattering sound, a massive gear comes crashing down, and its colossal debris hurtles past me.

Crackle—

The familiar noise flashes through my mind again, and I'm dragged down into the abyss of consciousness by that great force.

In the midst of excruciating pain that feels like it's about to tear me apart, I regain some control over my body, and I struggle to open my eyes—

The scene before me is like being submerged in water, and I can only vaguely see many white figures moving about.

Cold seeps into my body through every crevice of my skin, and at the edge of my slightly distorted field of vision, I catch a glimpse of a black cable floating by.

Am I in... water?

The moment I realize it, a wave of suffocation rapidly spreads throughout my body. I instinctively open my mouth to breathe, and the icy water rushes into my nostrils and throat—

Who will come to... save me?

There's a white figure that seems to have noticed me, approaching and then stops nearby.

Shortly after, a stronger surge of energy rushes into my body accompanied by pain—

Just when I thought I might be torn apart, the door in front of me is pulled open forcefully. In a daze, I seem to I catch a glimpse of a familiar silhouette—

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At the moment he passed through the rift, Lucien felt a surge of electricity tearing through his brain. Before he could even think about what it was, his palm suddenly no longer held her.

When he turned around, he found that the person next to him had disappeared.

The place in front of him was not unfamiliar, it was the narrow alley near the Bioultima Research Institute where the rift had appeared.

He undoubtedly had successfully reached the time and space beyond the rift, but there was no sign of her anywhere.

Lucien's face darkened, and an inexplicable anxiety that he couldn't suppress spread throughout his body along his veins.

His heart was pounding rapidly in his chest, but he suppressed this restlessness and quickly walked towards Bioultima Research center.

The researchers occasionally passing by in the corridor displayed expressions of surprise, but he paid them no mind. He simply quickly located the room where they had been researching the rift.

Here, he was most likely to find the information that could explain the current situation. However, when he opened the computer and saw the time, his eyes widened in surprise.

The time displayed on the computer screen was 74 days later.

Confusion and anxiety twisting into a knot in Lucien's heart. He furrowed his brows and opened the folder on the device.

Dozens of files were spread out densely in front of him, and he quickly moved the cursor, scanning over each title.

With sharp eyes, he caught sight of the letters "NW," and his hand paused before clicking on that file.

《Four-Dimensional Rift Stabilization Using CORE Utilization Plan》

Text laden with a wealth of information flowed rapidly before his eyes, and an abundance of data surged into his mind. He could feel the rushing blood in his brain intensifying with each passing moment.

"As a higher-dimensional entity, CORE exists in one and only one timeline across all temporal axes..."

As he continued to advance through the information before him, his gaze gradually turned colder and sharper.

-As it turns out, the world was already changing as a result of the shift in trajectory.

He knew where she would be.

The information in front of him undoubtedly can answer many of his curiosities. However, at this moment, these important pieces of information hold no appeal in his eyes.

He closed the document, preparing to leave, but then he noticed that the notebook on his desk was open. There’s only two scribbled numbers that seem like coordinates on it.

The handwriting belonged to him.

Lucien: ….

The fragile paper was covered with thin ice, shattering on the floor, and the shattered ice shards reflected the darkness in his eyes.

In the blink of an eye, the scene before him shifted, and the next moment, he found himself in a cold and desolate corridor of NW.

Perhaps he should have made a more thorough plan before taking action, but he didn't want to wait any longer.

Pushing open the door in front of him, he immediately saw the girl he had been searching for. She's all alone, confined within a glass container secured by layers of locks and cables.

The blinking red lights from the instruments cast an eerie crimson color on her. In that instant, he even felt like she might not be breathing anymore.

It's as if the last thread holding onto something in his mind had snapped.

Everything in front of Lucien's eyes was dyed with a layer of crimson red.

Before even more frightening thoughts came to his mind, he saw that the girl in the glass container seemed to blink, and a little light slowly gathered in her slowly focused pupils.

And then, her lips moved imperceptibly.

"Lucien."

For a moment, Lucien only felt as if all the sounds around him had turned into sharp buzzing, and the blood in his body went straight to his head.

Some researchers noticed his arrival and showed surprised expressions.

Researcher A: Professor Lucien? What brings you here?

Lucien: (in a cold and commanding tone) Open this.

Lucien pointed at the glass chamber calmly.

Researcher A: CORE is a crucial energy source for preventing dimensional destruction. She can’t leave this place.

Researcher B: Professor Lucien, you also agreed to this plan at the beginning...

Lucien: Move over.

Lucien interrupted the explanation and walked straight towards the nearby control panel. The researchers immediately stepped forward to stop him—

Researcher B: Professor-

Sharp ice spikes shot up from the ground. Crimson blood splattered in the air and then slowly trickled down the frosty ice spikes.

After half a second of dead silence, screams suddenly erupted.

Next Part-> [Here]

[ganondoodle]

so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

[djsangos]

//went to the dr and all they did was take my fucking blood... again

[qqqqqqqqqqq0]

[klausthe-bae-ance]

iswtg if I can't get my uterus out of my body in the next two years or so it will probably kill me

[carmenpeach]

i feel like my weird unexplained health issues are getting to the point where scientists should be paying me to research me

red monkey magic on the turtle tank 👆

[kaeyachi]

gonna talk about kaveh thru the tags in case people dont wanna get spoiled

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

[thecodeveronica]

Oh boy, Dead by Daylight patch time tomorrow. You know what that means! Time for me to unreasonably get my hopes up for new RE skins to be in the datamine and then feel the crushing disappointment when they aren't!

[paint-music-with-me]

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