#it's just me saying the particularities and specificities of the way takeshi specifically does it appeal to me the most

[hopeswriting]

was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.

and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.

because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"

and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.

and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.

and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.

so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.

and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?

and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

[vannahfanfics]

And for my second fluff alphabet, I'd love Morinozuka Takeshi from Ouran Highschool Host Club, please. 💙🌹

Honestly expected this; I know how much you adore Mori LOL. Can’t blame you. He’s gorgeous. Enjoy! 

Fluff Alphabet- Takashi Morinozuka

A-   Activities: How do they spend their time with their s/o?

Takashi’s a movie buff, specifically for martial arts movies. One of his favorite things to do is snuggle up with his s/o for a night of binging his favorites or having an outing to the movie theater to see the latest release. In particular, he likes to comment on the battle choreography and whether it’s realistic or not. Takashi gets really pumped about this topic and talks way more than usual, and the way his eyes light up and cheeks flush is particularly adorable.

Takashi also likes to go play with animals at animal shelters with his s/o. It makes him really sad that he can’t take all of them home, but he knows how important socialization is for them, so it’s a weekly thing for him and his s/o to go spend some time with them. If his s/o is into activism, he’s totally down for organizing and attending promotions and events for the shelter! This boy wants to see all those animals get a good home!

Although these are the things Takashi himself enjoys, he’s so down-to-earth that he’ll enjoy anything his s/o wants to do. It doesn’t take much convincing to get him to do pretty much whatever; as long as he can see his s/o smile, that’s plenty enough for him.

B-    Body: What does this character appreciate about their s/o? What part of their body are they most proud of, and in reverse, what body part are they ashamed of and how do they respond to their s/o gushing over it?

Takashi loves his s/o’s hands. He loves to hold them and press little kisses over their knuckles or palms or the tops of their hands, rub little circles into the skin, whatever. It’s just such a meaningful thing to him! Takashi also loves his partner’s smile. He will do anything, including make a complete fool of himself, to see them smile. It has the power to light up his day.

Takashi’s not really the type to think about his body. He just really doesn’t care, but he does get a certain satisfaction from his physique. He’s a very healthy and fit guy thanks to kendo and karate. In the same vein, he really doesn’t have any issues with his self-esteem, body-wise. Honestly, he’ll get flustered no matter what his partner compliments about him. Compliments of any kind from his s/o embarrass him easily, and it’s totally adorable.

C-    Cuddles: Is this character a cuddler? What is their favorite way to cuddle?

Not the cuddliest of the hosts, but my mans still won’t deny a snuggling. Takashi’s favorite way to cuddle is to have his s/o seated between his long legs, laid back against his chest with his arms around their waist. It really gives a lot of options- propping his chin on their crown of their head, running his hands over their arms or sides, and plenty of areas to drop little kisses. When they’re watching movies, he likes to lay behind his s/o on the couch. Takashi’s so easygoing, though, that he’ll cuddle whatever way. He’s just happy to get snuggles from his s/o!

D-   Dreams: How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Believe it or not, Takashi isn’t that much of a forward-thinking guy; he very much takes it day by day, the perfect epitome of “go with the flow.” Still, after a while, Takashi muses on the idea of a future with his s/o. Mostly simple visions of a house in the suburbs in a good school district, white picket fence and cute little flowerbeds kind of life. He fancies having children eventually, a couple, maybe a girl and a boy to have the best of both worlds. They’ll have nice successful careers. Rather than spending all their money on some great big grandiose manor, live a little modestly and invest to have something to pass on to his children and maybe donate to charity when they pass on. Takashi just wants a nice simple life with a good partner, nothing fancy at all.

E-    Equivalence: Is this character the dominant force in the relationship, are they passive, or is the relationship more or less even?

Takashi may be easygoing, but he isn’t a pushover, as we see numerous times with his best friend Mitsukuni. The relationship will most definitely be an even split, because as much as he wants it to be a smooth ride, he won’t allow his partner to make all the decisions and basically carry the relationship. He knows that dating it a mutual, give-and-take kind of thing. It’s for this reason that a relationship with Takashi is actually pretty stellar, because there is a lot of communication and compromise.

F-    Fights: How does this character respond to arguments with their s/o? What would they fight about, and who would cave and apologize first?

Takashi does not like confrontation. He’ll speak his mind, but once it delves into actual arguing and fighting, he shuts down. This can actually make it kind of frustrating, because the man just won’t talk for a good hour or so. He’s already apologizing, repeating “I’m sorry” and “I don’t know what to do,” and after a point it’s a little heartbreaking. Once his s/o calms down and it able to rationalize better, he’ll open back up and real discussion can occur. Takashi just doesn’t respond well to raised voices and conflict, so his s/o will have to be mindful of that.

G-   Gratitude: How does this character show their s/o that they are grateful?

In true Host Club fashion, Takashi gets his s/o their favorite flowers- a single one for small, everyday gratitude and nice colorful bouquets for the big, meaningful stuff. Takashi isn’t the best with words so the accompanying message will be a pretty simple “I’m lucky to have you” or “I’m grateful you’re with me,” but his bluntness has a charm of its own.

H-   Honeymoon: If this character had a honeymoon with their s/o, where would they go?

Takashi would love to go somewhere with distinct culture, like the Mediterranean or South America. Honestly, just taking a two-week jaunt around Europe to see major cultural landmarks is the ideal trip for him. However, if his s/o has their heart set on a tropical island getaway, Takashi will oblige; they have the entire rest of their lives to travel, after all, and certainly have the means to do so.

I-      Insecurity: What is this character insecure about? How do they deal with their insecurities with their s/o?

Takashi sometimes finds himself wondering if he’s too boring because he’s so down-to-earth. He doesn’t think on it a terrible amount, because he isn’t the type to stress about these things, but once in a blue moon he’ll ask his s/o if they think he’s dull. Takashi will feel a lot better when his s/o basically laughs in his face and tells him that he isn’t dull at all, and that will be that. Takashi has a lot of trust in his s/o to tell him the truth and trust in their relationship, so it’s not something he dwells on for long.

J-      Jealousy: Is this character the jealous type? How do they deal with being jealous?

As I just said, Takashi has a lot of trust in his s/o and the relationship. He is not the jealous type, at all. He gets no sneaking suspicions if his s/o is spending a lot of time with someone else, and completely ignores any lingering looks his s/o gets. He knows his partner loves him and that’s all that matters. His s/o would literally have to openly flirting and kissing on someone else for him to get even slightly jealous, but by then a hard boundary has been crossed and Takashi’s little heart is broken. Don’t do that to this boy; he is literally so soft and trusting.  

K-   Kiss: What does the character want their first kiss to be like with their s/o? How does it end up happening?

Again, Takashi is a go-with-the-flow kind of guy, so he basically figures that the first kiss will happen when it happens. The first kiss will likely be after the second or third date while he’s escorting his s/o up their driveway and they linger by the front door to say their farewells… And the mood will just strike him and he’ll give them a sweet, chaste kiss. Just your good ol’ typical first kiss kind of business, but no less riveting!

L-    Love Confession: How does this character first profess their love to their s/o?

Takashi’s blunt and going to say what’s on his mind, so once he gets the feeling that he’s in love, he’s going to come right out and say it. Of course, he has the presence of mind to do so in the appropriate situation. He’ll likely set up a nice date with his s/o to set the mood right and give him time to work out exactly what he wants to say, because Takashi isn’t flowery with his words. However, when the time comes to it he’s just gonna bluntly stare at his s/o and tell them he loves them. Could be intimidating and make his s/o gush a little, but hey, that’s how he feels!

M-  Marriage: How does this character view marriage? What is their ideal wedding like?

Takashi of course wants to marry someday. It’s a thing people do and an appropriate step in a relationship. Why wouldn’t he? Takashi doesn’t really care about what kind of wedding it is; he’ll let his s/o decide, because even though it’s a day for the both of them, they’ll likely be more into the particulars than he is. As long as all his friends and family are in attendance, he doesn’t much care.

N-   Nicknames: What does this character like to call their s/o?

Given he referred to Mitsukuni as “Honey” for almost their entire lives, it’s weird to him to call his s/o that. Takashi actually sticks to calling his s/o by their name most of the time, but ever so often a “dear,” “beautiful,” “angel,” or “gorgeous” will slip out.  

O-   On Cloud Nine: What is this character like when they’re in love? Is it obvious to others, or are they good at hiding it?

Takashi is the king of being stoic and stone-faced, so of course no one notices when he’s in love. The signs are exceptionally subtle, and only someone with acute observation skills like Haruhi can notice- lingering gazes, slightly closer proximity, an increased number of instances of helpful behavior. There is not even a hint of a blush or nervous fidgeting on Takashi’s part. It’s quite masterful, even though he’s totally unaware that he’s even doing it. For a while, the other guys don’t even believe Haruhi saying he’s in love with somebody until she publicly asks him without his s/o around and he’s just like “LOL Yeah, why’s it a big deal?” Instant KO for everyone in the room.

P-    PDA: Does this character like PDA? If so, what kinds of things do they do in public to show off their s/o?

Takashi isn’t the type to initiate much PDA, but he doesn’t care if his s/o touches him in public all the time. If they slide their hand in his, he won’t let go or pull away and may even intertwine their fingers; if they go in for a kiss he’ll turn his head to reciprocate; if they hug him randomly he’ll immediately throw their arms around him. It’s funny because he’ll just react and won’t even break the conversation he’s having or alter concentration on whatever he’s doing. It’s a skill he’s acquired from Mitsukuni randomly throwing himself at him for years.

Q-   Quirks: What random traits or quirks does this character have that positively affect the relationship?

Because Takashi speaks what’s on his mind, surprise compliments or flirts are common. He can fluster his s/o so easily by just randomly saying something sweet because it occurred to him, and he won’t even get why they’re embarrassed because he just thinks it’s nice to compliment them when he feels like it. Truly amazing.

R-    Romance: Is this character a hopeless romantic, or a bit on the low-key side? Are they cliché when it comes to romantic gestures, or can they get a little bit creative?

Takashi is definitely the most low-key of all the hosts when it comes to romanticism. Takashi likes to keep things simple- typical outings, typical gifts, the like. Still, Takashi can get a little creative if he notices his s/o likes certain things and will tailor his gestures to such. The man is very observant and pick up on the tiniest of things.

S-    Secrets: Are there any secrets they hide from their s/o? If so, how do they deal with it when those secrets finally come out?

Takashi is an open book, mostly because he has no secrets to keep nor any care to keep them. He’ll answer anything his s/o asks him matter-of-factly and truthfully, because there’s just not any point in lying or embellishing in his eyes.

T-    Thrill: Does this character prefer routine in their relationship, or do they like to shake things up every once in a while?

Takashi is more spontaneous than routine mostly because he just does what he wants when he feels like it. Definitely expect random calls of, “Hey, I’m at your door, let’s go do this” or a package that reads “I bought this because it made me think of you.” Also, there is no routine knowing a bunch of rich goofballs, and since he’s dragged into the ridiculousness his s/o is too. Still, he likes the idea of one routine thing, so he has weekly things planned like movie nights or the shelter visits, just to keep things from being too chaotic.

U-   Understanding: Is this character level-headed and empathetic toward their partner, or do they sometimes have trouble figuring them out, which leads to some butting heads?

Takashi is hyper-observant and therefore knows his s/o extremely well. His temperament also affords a degree of understanding and empathy. If anything, his s/o will have trouble figuring him out, just because he’s so flighty and quiet. Because he’s relatively open to talking about things, though, there’s no butting heads because he’s just gonna answer any inquiries. The epitome of chill, this guy.

V-   Value: How does this character value their relationship with their s/o? How does it hold in comparison to their goals, ambitions, etc.?

Takashi isn’t necessarily passionate about anything except for maybe his friends, so his relationship pretty much is the most important thing in his life. Sure, doing well in college and getting a good career are important to him, but not nearly as crucial as loving his s/o! It’s just something he feels the need to do well with and invest in, so he’s a bit more excited about it than most things in his life.

W-  Wild Card: Any random fluff headcanon that does not fall within the other categories!

Piggy back rides! Takashi loves to give them, after all the ones he gave Mitsuki. Definitely a bonus for s/o’s that are smaller than him, because all they have to do is take off running towards his back and he’s already squatting down so they can vault up on his back.

X-   XOXO: How does this character show affection?

Takashi mostly shows his affection through gifts and acts of service- he’s not poetic with words and he’s not the touchiest person, so these are the ideal ways he can express himself. He’s always doing little random things for his s/o to help them out, like little chores or errands or pretty much anything they ask. He’ll drop everything to attend to a problem of theirs. Again, gifts are very much a thing for Takashi. Chocolates, jewelry, clothes, that thing his s/o has been talking about for three days but won’t buy- the whole nine yards.

Y-   Yearning: How does this character deal with time apart with their s/o?

Takashi understand distance is an inevitable part of relationships and is able to rationalize it pretty well. He keeps regular communication if he can, but if that isn’t an option, he’s more or less able to busy himself with other things to keep from thinking about it too much. If it drags on for a long time he may get a little blue, but talking it out with one of his friends and getting it off his chest does a hard reset on him. King of long-distance right here; he’s in it for the long haul and is gonna make it work no matter what.

Z-    Zeal: Is this character willing to great lengths for their relationship? If so, how far, and how long does it take to get to this point?

As I mentioned, a relationship is something Takashi invests himself in, and honestly it’s like that pretty early on. It’s just something he gets zealous about, while most things in his life don’t get him to react that way. Takashi is going to do everything he can to make it work out, compromise and communicate.

[putschki1969]

Wakana SPICE Interview TRANSLATION

Source: https://spice.eplus.jp/articles/261442

Notes: Finally, here’s my translation of Wakana’s SPICE interview. This took forever. *sobs* But it was worth it. It’s a really nice and candid interview, I adore it. Wakana is so precious talking about love and I really like how she is so honest about her struggles when it comes to meeting the expectations of fans. Takeshi Kato is a great interviewer and it’s obvious that both Wakana as well as Hikaru feel very comfortable wiith him. Please keep in mind that my Japanese is by no means perfect, neither is my English. I still tried my best though. Credit me if you use this translation or parts of it elsewhere!!

Wakana talks about Love ~ Enclosed in her first EP is「her real self which she wants to convey」

Wakana has released her first EP 「Aki no Sakura EP」 on November 20. This work is all about showcasing her clear singing voice which has been dubbed “Botanical Voice” as well as depicting a more familiar and real sense of femininity. Wakana is in the midst of preparing for her 『Wakana Winter Special Live 2019 ～Matataki～』which will take place in Osaka and Tokyo starting from December 8. She has taken the time to sit down with me and talk about “LOVE” and all the secret stories behind this release. 

―― Today I would like to hear everything you have got to say about your release「Aki no Sakura EP」. Does it feel like you have been very busy with work lately?

Yes! All I have been doing is make music, in fact, I am working on something new as we speak. I would like to go into more detail ... but all I can say is that it’s amazing *laughs*. So yeah, I will be busy working until the end of the year..

―― Your title song is promoted as “Autumn Sakura Song” where one is thinking about a love that started in the cherry blossom season while strolling around in autumn surrounded by fallen leaves. I think this is a very rare approach. How did you come up with this motif?

When I first got to choose this song I thought that the recurring melody of the 「咲いて咲いて咲い | saite saite saite | blooming blooming blooming」 part was very catchy,  it’s something that stays with you, something you won’t easily forget.  This song already came with lyrics and I didn’t change anything about this particular section - 「秋の桜がもう咲いて咲いて咲いて | aki no sakura ga mou saite saite saite | the Autumn cherry blossoms are already blooming」. The title was also “Aki no Sakura” from the get-go but the world-view presented in the song was quite different in the beginning so I put some finishing touches to the lyrics in order to create a more real atmosphere that would suit me better. 

―― I see, you added bits of your own world-view to it?.

Yes, I was actually talking about this yesterday but the song description “thinking about a love that started in the cherry blossom season while strolling around in autumn surrounded by fallen leaves” kinda suggests that it was a short love that only lasted a few months, doesn’t it? But I will tell you something, that’s not really the case *laughs*. 

――It really does sound like that though *laughs*..

If you read the lyrics carefully, there is a section that says, 「落ち葉を鳴らして笑いあったね | ochiba wo narashite warai atta ne | Among the rustling of the fallen leaves we shared laughter」which implies that those two lovers spent at least one autumn together already, so they have been together for more than a year!

―― They started dating in Spring but their love didn’t end in Autumn.

Yes Yes Yes! Just yesterday I was recording a comment all by myself and I caught myself saying, “it’s about a love that started in Spring and ended in Autumn”. I immediately backpedaled and scolded myself because that’s absolutely not what the song is about. I really had to think hard about how to put it into words *laughs*. 

――People tend to interpret it as a brief summer love, I guess.

When you listen to Aki no Sakura, I think there are many people who immediately think of a contained space where just Autumn Cherry Blossom exist. But I want people to listen closely to the lyrics of the song to get to the truth. I personally believe that the lyrical main character of the song has held their loved one dear to their heart for a very long time. When you see dead leaves flying in the Autumn wind people might be reminded of the cherry blossom season, you are just looking at the scenery and all of a sudden that certain Spring comes to mind and everything else that’s buried within your heart. I think this song is not so much about remembering a specific time or moment,  it’s more about a very memorable person and all the associations you have with them.

―― I personally didn’t see it as a summer fling, I thought it was about a moment or situation that reminds you of a love from a long time ago.

There is definitely a sense of suddenly being overcome with memories, I think many people will see it like that as well.

―― Memories... they do have a habit of hitting us all of a sudden. And to our surrounding it all seems so insignificant. That comes across well in the chorus. In that sense, I think it is quite the sad song. For me it was very refreshing to hear you sing a song like that - a song about someone who is so clearly recalling a past love. 

It certainly was refreshing. As we established earlier, the memories of our main character are being triggered by autumn leaves and cherry blossoms but really, it can be anything that triggers your memories, in my case I associate most things with certain odors and scents. And of course music! Listening to a song that I used to listen to a lot back in the days will bring back all sorts of memories for me. Truly, all these triggers appear in real life.

―― Naturally music is a big trigger for you.

Yes, it’s music. When I listen to “Top of the World” by The Carpenters for example, I am immediately thrown back to my junior high school days. It used to be broadcast on campus in the morning time. On my way to school it would gradually get louder until I reached the school gates where the teachers would stand to greet us. Listening to it reminds me of my mornings in junior high school.

―― Now what about the other songs on the EP,  "Koi wa Itsumo" and  "Orange"? “Orange” was written by you, right? Earlier we talked about your worries regarding the impressions and world-views of the title song, how about the other songs?  It seems like each song has a very different impression? There is lots of variety.

That also applies to the first song “eve”, I really wanted to have lots of different atmospheres in this EP, different from anything I had ever done before. “Koi wa Itsumo” is probably where I outdid myself *laughs*. I want you to not believe your ears when you hear it. I personally think the lyrics are very clear-cut. There is a sense of cuteness and embarrassment, I thought a lot about how to sing those lyrics. Eventually I settled on trying to sing them in a happy manner. I wanted to create a pure and honest atmosphere so I tried to convey a thrilling sense of excitement with my voice.

――You are singing words you have never sung before such as 「独り占めしたいんです | hitori jime shitaindesu | I would like to have you all to myself」or 「困らせたい | komara setai | I want to bother you」.

That’s right. But this is actually all me. I am that sort of person. It's embarrassing to admit but I  wanted to have these parts included in the song. One by one I want to tackle things that people don’t expect of me, I would like to break away from images like, “oh, that doesn’t feel like Wakana” or “this doesn’t sound like Wakana”.  First and foremost I wanted to increase the number of songs that could be enjoyed by everyone so this is why I dared to take it a step further and hit the gas pedal hard.

―― Now please tell us about “Orange”.

"Orange" already came with lyrics. But it was quite difficult to make it into something of my own based on the images that were being conveyed... I have a few friends around the same age as me who I meet regularly about once a month. Recently, we often end up talking about all the hardships, worries and rewarding aspects of work. 

―― Yes, in your age group responsibilities certainly increase.

I personally often felt like I couldn’t really relate to many of the thoughts, troubles and feelings everyone else experienced. All of them are very self-assured, everything about them feels real. I wanted to try and put that into words because I respect that and find it very interesting.  

―― Well, I guess since you are an artist your work and life-style are quite different from that of others with normal 9-to-5 jobs.  

Actually, all of them are working in the industry, they are video creators, photographers, directors and such...One thing they all have in common though, they had something they wanted to do when they were young but for whatever reason it never happened, their dream never became reality. I listened to all their stories and this sense of regret is shared by everyone. And yet, they all power through, they are still living their lives, working hard, doing their best. That is why I wanted to write lyrics dedicated to the people like that - who work so very hard every day even though they are not living their dreams. But I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, I guess it’s just meant as encouragement or something.

―― By which you mean what exactly?.

Well, at the end of every day you are still the same you and nothing else, no matter how often you go to sleep and wake up again, yesterday’s mistakes and failures will not go away, today’s amount of work won’t change even if you sleep for an entire day, looking at yourself in the mirror, don’t you always see someone who is tired of getting up every morning? It’s all these things I wanted to convey in my song but without making it too sad. 

―― I see.

That’s why the “anata/you” that appears in the final part of “Orange” is supposed to be oneself. You are reborn every day when you go to bed and wake up again. There were times when all you did was being motionless among the waves and scream. If possible you want to return to that moment to embrace yourself in order to provide comfort. But now all of that is in the past, it’s overcome, there is joy to be found at work, I see it when I watch my friends, they all seem to love their job.「あなたの笑顔に会いたい | anata no eigao ni aitai | I want to meet your smile」is about getting up in the morning and seeing your smiling face in the mirror. It's a song that’s meant to make you smile, it shouldn’t make you sad.

―― Now your fifth song “Yuuyake”, you recorded it all in one go, right?

I went into the recording booth together with Ikekubo-san, the guitarist. we did a few takes and eventually decided we would make it slower than it was originally intended. I discussed this with Minnie P., the composer of the song, I told her I wanted to do it a little more slowly. I felt like my voice came out best at a slower tempo, Ikekubo-san and I gave it a few tries before we finally figured out the perfect tempo, it was a lot of fun.

―― I have noticed this before, especially in your live performances, there is a strong sense of realness, everything seems very natural and raw. I thought it was very interesting to see this sort of approach from you.

Well, there is an already existing world-view when it comes to Kalafina, I treasure that a lot, it is very important to me, I do not plan to ever destroy it but right now I am trying to discover new things for myself, I am pursuing the potential of my voice and I think that’s very important.

―― Based on what you just said I think people will want to listen to your songs.  But the main theme for two of your songs, “Koi wa Itsumo” and “Aki no Sakura”, is undoubtedly love, right? 

Yes, that’s right. 

―― I think compared to your Kalafina days the number of life-sized casual songs has increased immensely ever since you became a solo-artist. What exactly does “love” mean to you? I would like to talk about that a little bit.

Well, I think love is “selfishness”. When you fall in love, one is usually hiding in the shadows, thinking “oh, he is so cool and good-looking!” “I wish he would notice me!” or “Oh, I want us to hold hands!!” *laughs*. Or when you are going to a live of your favourite artist, hoping, “please look at me, please smile at me!” All of that is selfishness...you have a lot of demands when you love someone.

――Yes, there is certainly some truth in that. Please smile at me!!! *laughs*

However, love is also about understanding each other and finding a compromise. Compromise is about indulging someone to please them even though you feel like doing something entirely different. 

―― You mentioned that this time the lyrics very much represent your own thoughts and parts of yourself? So what about Wakana's love life? I am not asking about who you are going out with but I would like to know about your philosophy of love.

I wonder if I can even talk about it, I have never done it before. It's very embarrassing *laughs*.

―― Now is a good time to start! *laughs*

Well, I guess I can manage to talk about love to the same extent that I have written about it in my lyrics *laughs*. What I told you before is my personal opinion. Perhaps there are people who only think about love and affection when they fall in love. But in my case, when I fall for someone, I feel a strong sense of greed, I want the person I like to notice me, to turn around and look at me, to pay attention to me.

―― That’s quite understandable.

But even if our feelings turn to true love, even if we love each other very much, there will still be greed within me. I think love should be regarded and treated the same way as a relationship with your good friend. But as a lover I can’t help it, I am apt to become selfish. For example, I end up telling my lover things I would never say to a friend. There are certain things I would never say to my friends because I don’t want my friends to dislike me. I guess when it comes to love, I just stop faking it. Typically I read the air and act accordingly but with my partner I don’t read the air at all.

―― Can you give me an example? The things your friends might not tolerate ...?

Sorry. Well...Imagine your friends want to go and eat Yakitori today, I would never say "meh..I don’t wanna eat Yakitori today”.... Instead I would say, “YAY, let’s go and eat Yakitori!” *laughs*. Maybe I would give it a try and silently suggest,  “anyone feel like Yakiniku instead?"

―― So you fight back a little. 

I fight back a tiny bit. But it still ends up with “let’s go have Yakitori!!” *laughs*

―― And how is it with your partner?.

"No, don’t you want Yakiniku? We will go have Yakiniku!" *laughs* I will just send the restaurant information and be done with it. I kinda like to get into little competitive fights about stuff like that. “This place is better” “No, the other place has way better chicken!” 

―― What kind of man do you find appealing?

I sometimes think about this question but it’s very difficult for me to find an answer. I have favourite actors of course but I only know their TV persona. When it comes to my favourite artists it’s pretty much the same, all I am aware of is their singing voice and stage presence.... But I want to get to know all the personal aspects of that person's life, I want to meet the real human being behind the facade, I want to explore all of that. I wonder if by doing that you gradually fall in love. Well, anyways, I'd like someone in whose presence I can just be myself. Of course I would tolerate and accept everything about him. But in turn I want him to accept everything about me, all my faults and everything ...Ahh,  I'm terribly selfish, let’s stop here *laughs*.

―― You want to show your true self to the person you love.

I agree. When I was younger I spent a lot of time putting on a facade but these days I just wanna be myself, if I have a shitty day I wanna be able to say that I have a shitty day, I don’t want to have to pretend that I am doing fine.

―― Somehow I feel like there is so much realness and humanity in this interview and your new songs.

I'm glad to hear that!

―― I am also curious about your singing style. As a member of Kalafina you were in charge of the soprano parts but now as a solo artist you are pretty much singing all parts, right? I feel like the quality of your voice has changed a bit. Is it because you are trying to find a singing style that’s suitable for you as a solo singer?

Yes, that's right.

―― I always wondered whether you did it on purpose by training or whether it happened naturally.

My previously released album 『Wakana』 was my first proper release as a solo artist, I decided to use the title “Wakana” because for me that album was sort of like my business card, a proper representation of myself so to speak. But truth is, I wanna go through various changes in the future. This year, I got so many opportunities to express myself in various songs and I held lots of live performances.

―― I feel like you have put a lot of thought into being more expressive at your live performances..

Yeah, when I go back and watch all of my live recordings I think it’s crazy how much my singing has changed. I have opened this door of change intentionally, those changes will always correlate with whatever music I am currently creating. I want everyone to look forward to further changes.

―― So there is really a lot of purpose and intention behind your actions.

Yes, I just wanted to convey something more real, I wanted to show everyone the real me. I think what my audience is looking for is probably some sort of insight, a deeper understanding of who I am. I think it would be very rude if I didn’t meet those expectations. Speaking of changes, in my song “Orange” I used a lot of heavy breaths while singing it, initially I was very reluctant to sing it that way but I thought I would give it a try.

―― Why exactly were you reluctant?

Because I was never really required to sing like that. However, once I had realised that I could probably do it, my desire to give it a try became stronger.

―― Right now Takebe-san is your live producer but I feel like you would like to try and produce your lives yourself eventually, do you have the wish to do these things?

I do!

―― I think you are currently working on creating more freedom for yourself so you can do the things you want.

That's right. I want to create a wider scope of action for me. But I think one has to be careful when doing such a thing, after all, I do not want to betray my fans. It was never my intention to disappoint all the people who have certain expectations of me so I tried my best to respond to their wishes. But I am still uncertain how to best meet those expectations and at the same time I don’t want to neglect the things I personally want to do...it’s very difficult and I am constantly thinking about how to do things, how to find a balance. I feel like it will always be like that....

―― I guess that’s something all artists struggle with?

Yes, I think that many popular artists deal with these sorts of anxieties. If a fan listens to a good song of an artist they will immediately have a certain expectation and look forward to the next song. Since I am a singer myself I sometimes struggle listening to the music of other artists because there is a sense of envy. Of course there are also people who may not be able to listen to a new song by their favourite artist right away. The shock would be too great. It will just be "WOW, that's amazing!!!"

―― That you are thinking this way is proof that you are an artist. 

I guess. Right now I am a huge fan of Official HIGE DANdism! When I realised I was hooked, I listened to all of their albums. I am currently in a state where I would be totally shocked and blown away if a new song came out. I would be all over it, “aaaahhh, it’s so amazing!!”

―― So this does happen to you sometimes too, even if the genre is different?

Especially if the genre is different, I think it’s easier for me that way. This way I learn to appreciate and be grateful for the listeners’ expectations. Even if I am in a state of shock, I am trying to listen to the song properly. I am learning a lot this way.

―― By the way, you will be holding a one-man live on December 8  @Umeda Club Quattro (Osaka) and on December 10 @My Navi BLITZ Akasaka (Tokyo).

That's right. I have never held a proper live twice a day with a day and evening performance. It’s very intriguing. I am quite excited and a little nervous.

―― All the worries that come with deciding on the setlist and such?

Yes. I decided to name my live “Matataki | Blink”, I chose this title because I want us all to enjoy this special moment together. Those moments in time, those worldviews which are presented in my releases and lives are completely different so I want everyone to enjoy those blinks of time individually. Rather than focusing on expressing the worldviews of my EP, I want to find an expression that’s unique to a live and that can be enjoyed by everyone. I think it’s a different way of enjoyment. 

―― Live performances are not about creating a perfect reproduction of the studio version, it’s about pursuing the unique and fun aspects of a live.

Yes, I see it that way. I want to hold a live that everyone can enjoy, where people can find happiness. I really want to treasure this live, after all, it’s almost been half a year since my last proper concert. 

―― I am very curious how you will present yourself. I'm really looking forward to it.

It’s said that the twinkling of stars, the light we see right now when we look up is actually millions of years old. I am a romantic at heart so things like that mean a lot to me. Even if the brightness is not visible right now, surely one day it will shine among all the stars. This moment right now. Having said all of this, I hope you enjoy this EP.

―― Now let’s talk about next year. Since this is probably our last time talking this year. What kind of year is 2020 going to be for you?

Next year in 2020 we will have the Tokyo Olympics so I think it will be a very lively year. I want to create memorable music without being rushed, I wanna take my time and of course I want to always keep my listeners in mind. My personal challenge will be to balance selfishness and love. However, instead of demanding the other party to just listen because I took up this challenge, I would like to take the other party’s feelings into account.❇ Staying true to myself I want to face all the struggles that come with making music, I want to create new songs with care. I also want to continue doing lives.

Interview: Takeshi Kato; Photo: Saori Shikiji

❇) The interview is quite ambiguous when it comes to Wakana and the topic of love. It kinda sounds like she could currently have a partner but in this case she could also be referring to the love and selfishness among artists and fans...

[blackandwhitemusician]

Top ten manga featuring the most beautiful art (in your opinion)?

ASFDGL thank you for the ask! Firstly, a bit of explanation for my picks:

- Though manga art can be appreciated by itself, I personally think the context of the story plays an important role as well. As such, I will only mention manga that I have read, or have sufficient understanding of. And I will inevitably miss out on other manga with outstanding art, some of them extremely popular and well done. 

- There is also a matter of personal taste: I generally prefer detailed art, including expressive characters and elaborate backgrounds, but there are exceptions where the level of detail in backgrounds make up for the otherwise stiff characters when taken out of context (eg. in the case of Tsutomu Nihei). There are also manga in which the art is top-class but in which I find the story rather lackluster (and therefore did not include).

Awwwwwwright so in no particular order:

1. Death Note

It’s just gorgeous. I love how Takeshi Obata draws the Shinigamis in particular. His composition is also flawless!

2. Bungou Stray Dogs

I love how dynamic the drawings are, and each character’s expression always seems deliberate and specific to that character’s personality. Love the attention to symbolism and details as well!

3. D.Gray-Man

One of the first things that draw me to this series is the detailed and expressive art. Along the way, Hoshino-sensei’s art evolved tremendously, but some things stay constant such as the level of detail in her art, powerful symbols, and beautiful expressions of the characters.

4. BLAME!, or any Tsutomu Nihei manga

Tsutomu Nihei’s art has an effect on me like no other - it is insanely creative, evocative and imaginative. He can cook up worlds of an epic scale that I can’t even begin to comprehend, and draw them down to the smallest details. I could stare at his drawings forever, seriously. He also has a unique storytelling ability that is almost strictly “show, don’t tell” (sometimes letting an expansive, meticulously drawn landscape and its lonely occupants tell their own story without any need for words). It won’t be an overstatement to say that he’s among the authors who changed my standards and expectations of manga.

5. Canis Series

I just love this series’ unique, Disney-influenced drawing style. The characters are in the center of the story, but that does not mean that the backgrounds such as the cityscape and storefronts are lacking in any way.

6. Berserk

I think this one is a clear-cut case. Berserk is well-known not only for its brutally powerful story and characters, but also for its highly detailed and evocative art.

7. Oyasumi Punpun

Some of the panels in this manga are breathtaking just because of how gorgeous and emotional the drawings are. And for an emotionally charged story like this, that is only too fitting!

8. Dorohedoro

An attractive story and a rather odd one at that. One of the reasons I find Dorohedoro so appealing is because of its unique art. From character appearance to buildings and landscapes, I can never predict what strangely eye-catching ideas the story can come up with.

9. Monster, or any Urasawa Naoki manga

Urasawa’s art is I guess what you would call “solid” - his characters are realistic, his landscapes drawn with great care, and his panelling simple but effective. His art is one that shows careful planning and execution from start to finish.

10. Akira

With stunning detailed drawings of urban landscapes, explosions, monsters and machines, Katsuhiro Otomo’s art is a perfect accompaniment and enhancement for his masterful storytelling in Akira.

Phew!! I hope you enjoyed this list and hopefully some of these series will pique your interest. There are many wonderful series that I left out for different reasons, but if you would like to discuss any particular manga, I would love to have a chat!

[thatonekawaiigirl13]

Who Said Death Was Easy? [Death Note] Chapter Forty Two

Chapter Forty-two: Makeshift

Keiko’s POV:

“Just think, if I hadn’t snuck in, we wouldn’t have gotten this far yet,” Matsuda boasted as he inspected the scene displaying Yotsuba’s weekly meeting. “Things appear to be moving along rather smoothly, if I do say so myself.”

“Anyway,” L said, pointedly ignoring Matsuda’s comment, “it appears one of these people must be Kira.”

“Well, then,” the man Keiko recognized as Kyosuke Higuchi started. “Now that everyone is here, let’s commence the meeting.”

That’s him, the one who hit on me...while I know his disgusting behavior alone isn’t enough to suspect him in particular of being Kira, it certainly is enough to get me to keep a watchful eye on him. He also seems to be selfish enough to be Kira...however, there’s also the other executives to be watchful of...but wait...there’s an empty seat...which means….

“But…there’s supposed to be eight of them, correct?” Soichiro Yagami’s eyes narrowed as he studied the monitor, “why are there only seven?”

Keiko watched as the detective glanced over at Light’s father. A chill ran down her spine as he said the exact words she had been thinking.

“Kira probably killed one of them.”

“Who should we kill next to keep continuing the growth of Yotsuba Group?” on screen, Higuchi’s eyes scanned the room, waiting for responses.

“You see?!” Matsuda jumped out of his seat, “it’s just like I told you! I was right!”

The eldest in the room, Takeshi Ooi, waved a finger in the air. “Hm…I think, before we get to that, we should discuss a couple other topics. For starters, Hatori’s death.”

“He had it coming,” Shimura commented.

The executive with long dark hair, Reiji, cleared his throat, “I agree. To be honest, I’m relieved that he’s dead. Through his death, Kira has shown that he will punish those that aren’t serious about these meetings. He will not tolerate any weak links or disloyal members.”

“Yes,” Takeshi replied. He rubbed his chin. “I think we all know what Hatori’s death means...take that to heart, everyone. Now, onto the next order of business...Eraldo Coil’s report. I’ve handed out copies for each of you to read through…”

“Five million yen? For this report?” Higuchi flipped through the papers, “we don’t have anything about L’s name or face…”

Hmm...so Higuchi was the first one to comment on that, huh?

Reiji flipped to the last page, “hmm, wait, that might be true but down here, Coil warns us about the pace of our killing, saying that is we continue with our current pattern, L might catch on to us.”

“That’s impressive…Coil’s figured out what we’re doing,” Mido sighed. “At any rate, I personally feel that we should stop killing every weekend.”

Matsuda’s eyes widened as the conversation about killing continued on, “wow…this is unbelievable, it’s like they’re confessing!”

Keiko let out a deep breath, one that she wasn’t even aware she had been holding. She felt absolutely disgusted at how casually they were discussing murder.

That’s just sick! One of their business partners was killed because of Kira and they just move on like it’s nothing! They even said he deserved it! And that comment about L’s name and face....they’ll stop at nothing to find the man that’s been hunting them. L might be safe for the moment, but there’s no telling what’ll happen in the future...I wouldn’t want to live in a world without him. If anything, hearing this just proves to me that the world needs L. The world needs justice, not Kira. Not a murderer.

On screen, the topic soon switched from Coil’s report to who they should decide to kill next.

“...and Zenzai suffers from high blood pressure, therefore, if he had a stroke and died of natural causes, it shouldn't be too suspicious. Are there any objections?”

The entire room was in agreement. “No objections.”

“Damn,” Light muttered. He turned to face the rest of the Task Force, “so it’s just as we thought, Kira really can control all the aspects of one’s death.”

“No,” L’s voice was loud and firm. “Unfortunately, we can only that after those people they’ve named have died. As long as we continue to monitor what these seven say at their meetings, their actions, and whether the people they name due, we’ll definitely catch Kira.”

W-what in the world is he saying?! Keiko looked over at the detective in confusion, he can’t seriously be okay with this, can he? We can’t let any more innocent people get killed, not if we have the power to stop it now!

“Ryuzaki-san!” Light exclaimed, both shock and anger crossing his face.

L, however, was completely calm, stirring his coffee cup that was filled with way too much sugar, “yes? What is it?”

“I can’t go along with this! It’s wrong!”

“Oh, boy, here it comes…” Keiko heard the detective mutter.

‘Here it comes’...? Wait…so does this mean he was expecting this to be Light’s reaction? Is this some sort of test? ...I’d sure hope so, and anyway, this doesn’t sound like L at all. At least not the L I’ve gotten to know…I know we’re in a difficult position here, but also I’m certain L doesn’t want any more innocent people to die, either.

Light continued on, “you seem to be planning on catching Kira by allowing these seven to continue to kill, but I can’t let you do that!”

“That’s right!” Light’s father stepped forward, “it’s apparent that these seven are committing murder. Can’t we prove it’s them by Matsuda’s testimony and this footage?”

The detective played with a sugar cube, “hmm…if we caught them now, everything we’ve done up until now will go to waste. We wouldn’t be able to learn any sort of new information regarding Kira...”

“Light,” the chief looked over at his son, “you have the cell phone numbers of each of those seven members right?”

Light nodded. “Yeah.”

“Give me a number of one of the executives...it doesn't matter which one, any one of them will do,” Soichiro grabbed the list of phone numbers from Light, “I’m going to call one of them and stop the killing!”

L swiveled around in his chair. A hardened look was on his face, “look, if you do that only three days after Aiber’s made contact with them, we’ll arouse their suspicion. They’ll know that our investigation is catching up to them. Also, if you do this, it’s highly unlikely that we’ll be able to figure out who Kira specifically is. We came this far, I’d hate to have to start at the beginning all over again...in order to catch Kira, we need solid proof.”

We might need proof...but do we really have to wait until Kira kills once more to have solid evidence?

“There has to be another way,” Keiko said softly, running a hand through her hair. She studied the men in the room one by one. “We just have to find it.”

I know that there’s a chance neither of them is Kira, but for some reason...I keep on getting the feeling that Kira is among them, her gaze stopped on Higuchi a moment and she shivered, thinking about how he had made a move on her before. He gives me a bad feeling, but I could be biased...there’s also Suguru, he seemed rather antsy to leave after Matsuda’s fall...either way, I think one of them has to be Kira.

Keiko narrowed her eyes, still staring at the men in front of her, “Ryuzaki-san...I know you’re dead set on finding Kira...if Kira is among those seven, that means there’s a one in seven chance each person could be Kira...or, if there’s two Kira’s, a two in seven chance…if Light-kun or his father were to call one of them, there’d be a one or two in seven chance they’d be contacting Kira. Talking to Kira at this point wouldn’t do us any good. If they’re determined to contact one of the members, it should be the one least likely to be Kira. Perhaps some sort of deal can be worked out...”

“Well, she’s right...and I’m willing to risk it on those odds,” Light announced. He took the burner phone sitting in front of L, “I have something in mind...Ryuzaki-san, I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to borrow your name for a moment. Based on this conversation, and what we observed while saving Matsuda-san, the one who is least likely to be Kira who carries some weight is Reiji Namikawa.”

“By all means,” L said after a long moment, “if that’s what you want to do so badly, then do it.”

“Thank you, Ryuzaki-san,” Light said. He dialled Namikawa’s number.

Keiko watched as the businessman went fishing in his pockets for his cell phone, “hello?”

“You’re Reiji Namikawa, the vice president of Yotsuba Group’s Sales Department, aren’t you?”

“Yes. And who is this?”

“Listen carefully,” Light started, “and don’t draw attention to yourself. I am L.”

At this, Keiko noticed Namikawa slightly shifting in his seat, so he’s afraid, hm? Is he afraid because he’s Kira or because he doesn’t want Kira to kill him next?

“I have cameras and wiretaps planted in that meeting room. Even as I speak, I’m recording footage of your entire meeting. The opening topic was Hatori’s death. Then you discussed Coil’s report, and now you’re debating who to kill. If you are not Kira, or if you aren’t someone who can directly contact Kira, then let’s make a deal. I need you to delay the death of Zenzai-san by one month. I doubt it will be difficult for someone of your standing.”

“Yes, I see…right, go on,” Namikawa said into the phone.

“If you do this and cooperate with me, then your crimes-no, not just yours, but everyone’s crimes, other than Kira, will not be charged under the belief that they were threatened by Kira to participate in these meetings. Everyone aside from Kira will be pardoned. If you tell the others about this call, they will panic. There would be no advantage for you, and everyone would be arrested immediately. However, that’s not my intention, I want to go one-on-one against Kira. listen, if I win against Kira, you will be acquitted of all charges. If Kira wins, then you can just carry on like nothing happened. Either way, you remain as a spectator, it’s no loss to you. The only loss would be if I decided to have you arrested right here and right now. That’s all for now...”

“Right, I’ll see you on Monday,” Namikawa said. He dropped his cell phone back into his pocket, keeping a neutral expression on his face, “sorry for the interruption...a subordinate of mine messed up an order. I’ll have to fix it on Monday, what a pain...anyway, let’s get back on topic. We were discussing when we should kill Zenzai and the others...here’s what I’m thinking: we’ll give Coil another month to discover L’s identity. If he still hasn’t uncovered anything, then we’ll go ahead and kill the targets randomly. After that, we’ll give him another month, and if there’s still no progress, we’ll kill more targets. Hear me out...once we can get rid of L permanently, there will be no one else in our way. Our top priority should be the elimination of L.”

“I see,” Mido said, “once we get rid of L, we’ll be free to kill whomever gets in our way…I think that’s a good idea, that way we’re erring on the side of caution while still getting things done.”

“Are there any objections?” Ooi questioned.

“No objections.”

“That went well,” L commented, looking deep in thought. “You sure are amazing, Light-kun...not only did you delay the killing, but we may be able to get information from Namikawa. Furthermore, it looked like something I would do...and you figured it out first. You might be more capable than I am...at this rate, if I die, would you...take over for me as L?”

H-huh?! No way...I knew L was reckless, but I didn’t think he’d allow more innocent people to be killed. And now this...it really has to be a test. He wants to gauge Light’s reaction and see if he’s being genuine. Does he really think that, if Light is or was Kira, that if L died, he’d want to take over?

Keiko locked eyes with the raven haired detective, who raised an eyebrow at her, as if to say he knew exactly what she had been thinking about.

“What?! Ryuzaki-san, why are you being so morbid? We only have a month to figure out Kira’s identity! And anyway,” Light gestured to the chains connecting him and the detective together, as long as we have this, won’t we die together?”

“I suppose you’re right, Light-kun,” the detective lazily responded.

“Hey, wait a second…” Light narrowed his eyes at L, “this was another test, wasn’t it? You think that, if I am Kira, then there are two possible scenarios. Either I’m just pretending I’m not him and putting on an act...or Kira’s power has passed on from me to someone else and I have no memory that I was ever Kira. He’s trying to determine which, if either, are true. Ryuzaki-san still believes that I am Kira. even if that power had been passed to someone else, he assumes that I would have planned things to have my power return to me again once I’m safe from suspicion. In order words...he doesn’t think I was being controlled. And if L passes away, he thinks, if I am Kira, I will steal his title and become Kira again.”

“Yes, that is correct. Acquiring the position of L would be beneficial for Kira. He would be able to freely control the police and be Kira in secret without arousing suspicion,” the detective replied, “however, there’s a little more to it than that...you see, if I were to die, the only other person here whose skills match ours is Kagami-san.”

H-huh? He’s talking about me? At the mention of her name, Keiko could feel her heart rate slowly increasing. He’s basically just complimented me again...but what’s he getting at? What is he thinking?

“What do you mean to say about my ex-girlfriend, Ryuzaki-san?” Light questioned.

The detective met Keiko’s eyes. There was a hint of a smile playing at his lips, a look that caused her to go crazy.

Oh no. He hasn’t smiled at me since...well, probably since the double date. To be fair, I haven’t exactly been talking to him for most of that time. But still...it’s not fair how much he’s able to affect me.  

“Well, for starters, you don’t want her to be your ex-girlfriend. You want her back, or so you say. But is that because you’re truly in love with her? Or is that because you’re Kira and you want to have her wrapped around your fingers so she doesn’t suspect you? The phrase ‘love is blind’ applies here I think. You know that her skills are sharp, but if she’s in love with you, she’ll be biased, she won’t be able to think straight. And if she got in your way somehow, I’m sure you wouldn’t hesitate to kill her as well, if need be.”

“So you’re saying I want to steal your title and manipulate her so I’m free to be Kira?! Is that it?! Light demanded, “is that what you think of me?”

“Hmmm….you said it, not me,” L responded. “But yes. I do. However...even if you were or are currently Kira, you wouldn’t reveal your plans in front of everyone.”

Light was livid. “No matter what I say or do, you won’t be satisfied, huh?! Look into my eyes! Even after we catch the current Kira, do you really think that I’d become Kira, a murderer?! Do I look like that kind of person to you?!”

“Yes, you do. I’ve always thought that.”

At this, Keiko could see the twitching of Light’s fingers as they curled into a fist. However, before Light could make his attack on L, the girl sprang forward, hugging her ex-boyfriend’s arm as she did so, “please don’t, Light-kun. This won’t solve anything.”

“Eh?” Light looked down at his ex-girlfriend, who was still holding onto his arm, “K-Keiko-chan...”

Feeling his gaze, and the gaze of a certain raven haired detective, who had been looking at her with an unreadable expression, Keiko let go. She was certain her cheeks were flaming.

Right...this is awkward.

“At any rate,” Light said after a moment, “we have to catch the Kira that’s in front of us right now...as long as the handcuffs are on, you shouldn’t have any complaints, right Ryuzaki-san?”

“I suppose so, we only have a month to catch him, meaning that we don’t have any time to waste.”

“Can’t we just arrest them now using the evidence we have?” Light’s father questioned, “they basically admitted to being Kira…”

“That’s not a good idea, I’m afraid,” L started, “it’s possible that Kira is none of the seven, that they just have a connection to Kira somehow, and if that’s the case...then we’d be back at square one. We need to find out who Kira is...and, that being said, I think I should go after Kira myself…you can still use these headquarters, as will I, but with this, you can do things your way, and I can do things my way. I have a feeling that we’ll only get into arguments if we don’t…”

Keiko was aghast, w-what?! Go after Kira by himself? Is he serious, or is this part of another test of sorts of his?

Light’s father peered at the detective, “are you saying you want to figure out who Kira is by any means necessary?”

L didn’t miss a single beat, “yes. This case will never be solved if we don’t capture him...don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that stopping the deaths is pointless, but if we don’t find and capture Kira, then Kira will end up killing more people in the end. That’s why it’s more important to figure out who Kira is. If you disagree with me, and you want to follow another course of action, then do so, but you’ll be the one taking responsibility for it...that being said, I will pursue Kira on my own.”

With that the detective got up, and started walking towards the stairs, dragging Light away with him, “I’m sorry, Light-kun. I have a feeling you’re on your father’s side, but I can’t remove these handcuffs, so you’re stuck coming with me.”

They’re heading towards the floor that Misa and I share! I have to follow him and figure out what’s going on!

“I’m coming with,” Keiko announced, following closely behind them. After climbing up the stairs, L led them straight into Misa’s quarters.

No way...he’s not planning on interrogating Misa once more, is he?

“Light-kun!” Misa called out. Upon seeing L and Keiko, her cheerful expression withered away, “oh. He’s with you...why’re you all here anyway?”

The detective walked over to the blonde girl, “Misa Amane...you love Light-kun, right?”

Looks like I was right, Keiko sighed, crossing her arms as she stood in the doorway, but, what kind of question is that? What is he hoping to achieve by doing this?

Misa’s face bunched together, “h-huh? Why would you ask that? Of course I do!”

“Hmmm...but you also say you worship Kira…”

“Yes,” Misa nodded, “I do.”

L’s POV:

L leaned forward so that he could clearly see into Misa’s eyes, “so...who would you pick, Light-kun or Kira?”

“Huh?! Is that even a question? Light-kun wins, of course! I’m grateful to Kira and all, and I want to meet him, but that’s not love,” Misa shoved the detective away, getting up from her seat on the couch. She walked over towards Light and grabbed his arm, “so definitely Light-kun.”

“Yes, I thought you might say something like that…” he walked over towards where Misa and Light were standing, “however, Light-kun wants to catch Kira. What do you think about that?”

The girl puffed out her chest, “well…if that’s what Light-kun wants, then I’m going to support him, no matter what!”

“Would you be willing to help Light-kun by working with him on the investigation?”

“Ryuzaki-san.” The detective could tell from Light’s tone that it was said as a warning, but he paid little attention to him. His sole focus would be on Misa for the moment. In order to go ahead with his own course of action, he needed her.

“Yes!” Misa looked up, staring at Keiko’s ex-boyfriend affectionately. “I’d do anything for Light-kun!”

“What are you thinking, Ryuzaki-san?” Light questioned, his eyes narrowing at the detective.

“I’m planning to have Aiber pose as Eraldo Coil again...I want him to tell those seven he learned, while investigating more on L, that Misa Amane might be able to identify L. He’ll also tell them that L brought her in for questioning because he suspected that she was the Second Kira. If the Yotsuba Group believe that Misa Amane is their lead to find L, they’ll definitely want to draw up a contract with her and use her in their commercials. I’m sure that they’ll use that as an excuse to question her about L and being the Second Kira. Luckily, thanks to Matsuda’s screw up, they’re probably already considering her for their commercials anyway.”

Light was aghast, “no way! We can’t do that. This plan is simply way too risky, Ryuzaki-san. You’re putting Misa-chan at risk...who knows what could happen to her! This is Kira we’re talking about.”

Upon hearing this, Misa let out a rather loud gasp, “wait! Are you really that worried about me, Light-kun? Does this mean that you’re starting to get over Kagami-san?!”

At the mention of Light’s ex-girlfriend, L glanced around the room. When his eyes fell upon Keiko, who had been watching everything unfold from the entryway, he let out a soft chuckle.

Even though she’s not doing anything in particular, I can tell how determined she is to solve this case...however, he thought back to how intimately she had grabbed Light’s arm earlier, although I know she was trying to keep Light from hurting me, which I do appreciate, the way she clung onto him in that moment...somehow hurt more than getting hit would’ve.

“Listen to me, Misa-chan, if they suspect you might know who L is, there’s no telling what they’d do to try and get information out of you,” the detective heard Light saying.

“It’s alright,” Misa replied, “if it’s for you, I’m willing to do it. I’m willing to do anything. Anyway, don’t worry, I promise I won’t say anything, even if they torture me.”

“I can definitely attest to that,” L muttered, still looking over at Keiko.

Misa Amane was definitely the Second Kira before...if I die, and Light takes over as L while acting as Kira, how long would it be before Keiko got killed? I’m certain that, even if she stopped suspecting him and took him back, it wouldn’t be too long before Misa would be overcome with jealousy and use her powers or for Light to just dispose of her via natural causes when it wouldn’t be suspicious. Light must know that Keiko would still be a threat to him, even if she didn’t suspect him. She knows too much and is able to notice certain patterns the others on the Task Force miss. I don’t want her to become a pawn again if I die, but...unfortunately, it’s a very real possibility.

“I’ll be fine!” Misa was saying, trying to calm Light down.

Light, however was not listening, “but Kira can control his victims’ actions before death! There’s a good chance he might try to manipulate her into revealing what she knows and then kill her!”

Hearing you of all people talk about manipulation like that...it’s rather ironic...and anyway...

“Light-kun,” the detective waved his pointer finger, “aren’t you forgetting that, if we win, Misa-chan won’t die? Besides, didn’t you say that, as long as we’re handcuffed together, we’ll share the same fate? If I die, so will you. If that happens, Misa-chan and Keiko-chan would be the ones most directly affected…either we lose and die together, or we win and catch Kira...now, what’ll it be?”

Misa pumped a fist into the air excitedly, “we catch Kira! I would never dream about living in a world without Light-kun!”

“Yes, that would be dark,” L deadpanned. He turned towards Light, “anyway, we have no time to waste, Light-kun. Therefore, I am desperate...as for Misa Amane, I’ve gone to her for help because I know both her bravery and love for you are boundless…”

“You know,” Misa started, “I think I’ve misunderstood you all this time, Ryuzaki-san...I even called you a pervert, but you actually do understand me!”

L chuckled, a smirk on his face, “yes, the way I see it, Misa Amane is the perfect woman for Light Yagami!”

“Yay! Thank you, Ryuzaki-san!” Misa squealed, she ran towards L, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

The detective had to hide his shock at Misa’s sudden cheek kiss.

This is the first time I’ve been kissed on the cheek...and for some reason, I really wish it would have been from someone else...

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Keiko awkwardly shifting around on her feet. Although she was looking away from him, L could see the faintest hint of hurt and anger on her face.

Could she perhaps be...jealous? Well, well well, it looks like she might not be taking Light back after all.…but...still, when I consider how she clung to his arm earlier…I know I’m being childish, but I wonder what would happen if I were to make her even more jealous…? I might regret this later on, but…

The detective gently touched his recently kissed cheek, “you know, Misa-chan, I could fall in love with you.”

Keiko’s POV:

Upon hearing this, Keiko’s hands balled into fists at her side, her blood boiling, what the hell?! ‘I could fall in love with you’?! He can’t be serious, right? Here I am, falling for him knowing that there’s no chance he’d like me back, especially given that kissing me was apparently a ‘mistake’, and he goes and says this to Misa?! Is he trying to piss me off?!

“Ehhh?” Keiko could hear the hesitation in Misa’s voice, “well, I, uh...let’s not go that far, Ryuzaki-san, but we can be friends! Would that be okay?”

“Why...yes,” Keiko heard L reply, “it looks like I’ve gained yet another friend…”

“Of course!” Misa grinned, “any friend of Light’s is a friend of Misa as well!”

“Even Kagami-san?” L questioned, quirking an eyebrow.

Keiko narrowed her eyes at him, why’s he bringing me into this?! Honestly, how dare he? He’s still not being very fair, I see…yet again, if I ever get the chance to speak to him alone, he’d better be prepared…  

Misa paused. She glanced over at Keiko, looked her up and down a moment before shooting her a grin, “sure, I mean, why not? She’s no longer with Light-kun, after all…”

I’m sure it’d be quite a different story if I wanted to take Light back...

“Let’s all be friends!” Misa cried out, “yay! Let’s join hands, everyone!”

The last thing Keiko wanted to do was join hands. Before Light, whom Keiko noted also looked pissed, could complain, Misa grabbed his hand with her own.

The girl then latched onto L with her free hand, “come on! Join hands everybody!”

Keiko, who had been hoping to sneak away from the situation, was stopped when she felt someone taking hold of her own hand, “ehh?”

She looked over at the detective, who gave a light chuckle, the corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards, “come on. I wouldn’t want you to miss all the fun. You’re my friend too, after all.”

He’s doing it again! Keiko thought to herself, he’s deliberately teasing me. But why? There’s no way he’d be jealous because of what happened between Light and I earlier, right…? Is that why he said what he said…? But it doesn’t make any sense.

Light’s POV:

So he wants to play it like that, huh?

Upon seeing L grab hold of Keiko’s hand, Light decided to take hold of her other hand, finishing Misa’s friendship circle.

“Yay!” Misa cried once her circle had been completed, “we’re all good friends! And, of course, I would never think about betraying any of my friends! I’m sure, with our combined powers, we’ll be able to arrest Kira!”

“Unfortunately,” L started, “Light-kun’s taking a different investigative approach from us. I assume that he wants to work with his father, Kagami-san, and the others. Only you and I will be working together I’m afraid, Misa-chan.”

What?! First he hatches this outrageous plan that puts Misa in danger, then he dangles Keiko in front of me once more, and now this?! It’s unforgivable.

The blonde turned her head towards Light, “huh? What’s up with that?”

Light narrowed his eyes at the detective once more, “come on, Ryuzaki-san, now you’re just playing dirty. Now our only option is to join your investigation.”

The detective shook his head, “no, no. That’s quite alright. Neither of you have to join if you don’t want to. It’s entirely up to you guys.”

“What are you talking about?!” Misa cried out, “of course Light-kun will be joining us! And Keiko-chan’s joining us as well! That way Keiko-chan and Ryuzaki-san can work together, allowing a romance to blossom! Ooh, that’d be so cute! That means you and I can work together and perhaps we can finally get together as well! It’s perfect!”

“No!” Light was firm, “I’ve been opposed to this plan from the beginning! It’s far too dangerous! And the last thing I want is a romance between Ryuzaki-san and my ex-girlfriend!”

Dammit! He’s really pissing me off right now!

“Thank you again, for being worried about me,” Misa said quietly, “even though you say you still have feelings for Kagami-san, your worry shows me that you’re capable of getting over her...I want to do this for you. If I do this, maybe you’ll truly fall in love with me...that being said, please let me do this. I want to be of use to you...”

It looks like I have no choice…

“Fine, Ryuzaki-san, I’ll join you. But because I have to, not because I want to.”

“Yay!” Misa cheered. “With all of us working together, we’ll be sure to capture Kira quickly!”

[soyosauce]

On Using Culture As Language In Last Tango In Cyberspace

“THIS REVOLUTION IS FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES ONLY.”

Last Tango in Cyberspace makes culture a character to be explored in equal measure as the main character. Lion, an empathy-tracker, or em-tracker for short—uses his unique talent to consume curated content provided by clients and extrapolate a future; not at an individual level, mind you, rather as a glimpse at the cultural significance regarding the content in the future. It’s an amalgamation of genetic drifts which hardwires an em-trackers’ pattern recognition. Hacking their intuition to do a sort of cultural prognostication.

“A small robot standing on a busy city street corner, looking around. I SEE HUMANS BUT NO HUMANITY.”

Em-trackers methods vary with the person and there are very few known trackers, at least in so far as ones operating in the same capacity of Lion, doing this very niche work for a living. A very good living at that.

Lion, in particular, is rigged to make these deductions from words and logos, though it’s gestured that each tracker would be completely different. He processes the content he’s given, reacts, and tells the client if he sees a future or not. It’s usually a binary answer; a “yes” or a “no.”

“His journalism days are behind him. No longer does he get paid for the plot. Now, he’s paid for saying yes or no—the sum total of his contractual obligations. His work in the world reduced to one-word responses. When, he wonders, did his life get so small?”

Superficially, this book is about Lion being contracted by a major corporate entity to take a look at a crime scene and apply his talents… but this is a very unorthodox application of his gifts and one which ends up taking him down a rabbit hole. Ostensibly it’s a murder mystery wrapped up in noir trappings, something people might expect from cyberpunk. This is where the clear iterations from the sub-culture come into play, however. Within the tropes of a pleasurable whodunit, there’s much more to be consumed.

“You can’t scrub everything,” says Lorenzo. “Information gets what it wants, and it wants to be free.”

A specific trope that follows noir elements in cyberpunk, the investigator in over their head, is a unique vernacular used. There is typically a colloquial dialect that is foreign to the reader and makes them feel a fish out of water. The reader interprets what these cultural elements are in the future with the remix of certain words or the use of completely fictional words, from time to time. Interestingly, the dialect used in this novel is pop culture itself. Not in the very limited sense of Ready Player One, where games, gamers, and gaming is the language—but in landmark moments in cinema and literature that is reasonably absorbed into the general intellect of society. The most common being the novel Dune. Lion carries it with him all the time and is the cornerstone for the explanation of Lion’s gifts and poly-tribalism, a central component to the way Lion looks at culture in the story. People are intersectional beings with complex identities. Tracing the identity back to its origin is possible with technology these days. Appealing to particular facets of the identity can be a predictor for if something is to be successful and thrive or be consumed by another identity that dominates it.

'“Shifting culture requires a confluence of inciting incidents. Something directional that leads to a tribal fracturing and reknitting. Often shows up in language first. In music. Fashion. It can feel a little like hope.” He points at the images. “This doesn’t feel like hope.”

I think this approach both hinders and helps Last Tango in Cyberspace. For one, it’s an interesting use of the trope which proved satisfying to read for me, personally. I had never read Dune but it is explained as needed. I never felt lost. However, I could see some people who had read the book and disagree with the cultural impacts asserted in the text having a problem with most of the book, as it draws from it heavily at a personal level for Lion, as well as a fundamental shorthand for what is happening in the plot; ingrained in the theme and a permanent fixture.

“Words are just bits of information, but language is the full code. It’s wired into every stage of meaning-making, from basic emotions all the way up to abstract thought. Once you can speak a language, you can feel in that language. It’s automatic. It creates empathy.”

The frenetic pacing that accompanies cyberpunk literature is replaced with a sort of artificial acceleration with the structure of the book. Lots of very short chapters, in other words. This allows for expounding on the cultural aspects that are conveyed during the text. You notice what Lion notices. These details becoming foundational to the extrapolations he draws on later. What this means though, is the pacing is somewhat sacrificed in order to get the reader to do the same types of pattern recognition Lion does during the book. It’s clever, but a slow burn.

”Hybridization, he figures, is destined to become one of the ways this generation out-rebels the last generation. How we went from long-haired hippie freaks to pierced punk rockers to transsexual teenagers taking hormones.”

For me, the slower pace made it feel reminiscent of Takeshi Kovach in Altered Carbon. Envoys in that novel “soak up” culture in order to fit in and navigate foreign cultures. Lion’s talent feels like it takes that idea and explores it more thoroughly, engaging with it more, and this method allows you to soak up the information as well. If it were frenetic some of the details would be lost, I feel.

“Lion glances back at the pigeons. Sees a flicker he didn’t notice before. Remembers that the de-extinction program was a failed effort, realizes he’s looking at a light-vert. An AR projection of an almost. The bad dreams of a society disguised as a good time.”

A concept continually being reiterated in the novel is “living the questions.” Something that also subverts first wave cyberpunk, the characters of which are generally on the spectrum somewhere, unlikeable and/or anti-social, and live on the fringes of society in a sub-culture of some kind.

Lion, however, is an embodiment of empathy. He is in stark contrast to those protagonists, relating to most everyone and so can assume their point of view. To the extent, in fact, he resolves to not use his talents on other people.

“We ache for this feeling, but it’s everywhere. Booze, drugs, sex, sport, art, prayer, music, meditation, virtual reality. Kids, hyperventilating, spinning in circles, feel oneness. Why William James called it the basic lesson of expanded consciousness—just tweak a few knobs and levers in the brain and bam. So the drop, the comedown, it’s not that we miss oneness once it’s gone; it’s that we suddenly can’t feel what we actually know is there. Phantom limb syndrome for the soul.”

Last Tango in Cyberspace feels like a love letter to cyberpunk while updating it. In Neuromancer, for example, Gibson’s Rastafarians were a source of major critique. They are also featured in this novel but the author instead traces the cultural aspects and importance of Rastafarian influences on western mainstream culture. It felt as though it was making a point to correct the caricature found in the original source material. Whether or not it succeeds I leave up to someone who’s more educated on that and can speak to it—but the intent is clear.

“the failure of language.” “It’s a creative destruction. Out of that failure comes culture. Out of culture comes desire. Out of desire come products.”

This led me to the only thing I didn’t like about the novel and a personal pet peeve of mine: authors phonetically using foreign language in dialogue. It’s usually done as a form of cultural appreciation and authenticity, I’m sure… but it results in the author needing to clarify what is being said regardless and it just feels uncomfortable. It’s pretty much always from a Western perspective on a minority culture and usually is the default assumption of what the culture sounds like. Lion is able to converse with them for plausible reasons, often not the case when this is encountered, but it’s always left me feeling squeamish. Just tell me they have an accent, placing them in whatever area if that is relevant.

“…what is genuine emotion and what is business strategy. The modern condition.”

As Lion navigates the mystery and ping-pongs about the globe consuming the clues surrounding the mysterious death the reader, too, is engaging in this meta-language. Both in terms of how it subverts or remixes cyberpunk tropes, as well as the cultural context and information Lion imparts as his process. All of which is given weight. Hooking the plot into these details down the line as it comes together.

Most interestingly of all perhaps, the author goes out of their way to state that all of the technology exists in the world today, or is in a lab somewhere being worked on, at the very least.

“The car sees emotions. Signals have been pre-programmed, down to the basement level, below Ekman’s micro-expressions, getting to the core biophysical: heart rate variability, blood oxygen levels. And all from pointing a laser at a tiny vein in the human forehead. The car sees emotions, yet feels nothing. So morality too has to be pre-scripted into the code. Aim for garbage cans and not pedestrians; aim for solitary pedestrians rather than large groups. Empathy programmer, he’s heard it called, someone’s job now.”

This makes the future we are presented with prescient in the same way Neuromancer did with the advent of the Internet and the rise of technology in the ’90s. But where technophobia is firmly rooted in first wave cyberpunk. Last Tango in Cyberspace is making a virtue of humanities peculiarities, some of which we barely grasp. While the Internet is not something we may understand, so too are we learning the same of our own minds. Empathy, after all, is not something we gained from modernity.

“Rilke knew what was up. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will gradually, without noticing it, one distant day, live right into the answer. What’s truer than that?”

And empathy seems to be the thing we desperately need right now, rather than the consensual hallucination that allows us to connect to others while, at the same time, enabling us to dehumanize each other.

“Last tango in cyberspace…the end of something radically new. Copy that.”

“Pitch black again. Like someone extinguished an angel.”