#it's okay if it doesn;t go well that's a learning experience or something who cares i can ban it from my memory and shit

[hellohoihey]

girl shocked she got invited to a job interview after applying for job

[theowlhouseheadcanons]

So what are the Beta's personalities? I don't think there is a guide. All I know is Luz is a Bustard, Amity is pure bred bitch and Willow is S M U G.

Okay, I have two options: do you want the detailed, serious answer or the over-simplified, stupidish answer? Choose wisely.

Painfully detailed:

All we “canonically” know about them, apart from the designs, is their heavier approach to darker, maybe punk/goth vibes - a lead to all the content the fandom produced so far, creating all kinds of creative views about their characters.

If we take a look to Dana´s unrelated artworks, it's a mix of grim bizarrice with mundane and/or wholesome character remarks that makes the odd creations seem… relatable and emphatic, or at least curious enough to make you crook your neck in contemplation. There is also this faint feeling of madness and gloom (with different variations depending on the piece), but they all seem consistent within the big picture.

Overall, they appeal for complexity, and this is where I think the Betas stand - with deep roots on dark humor too. So, after making this boastful analysis of Dana´s art that nobody asked for, let's get to them.

Amity:

As her canon version, she's a character with layers (and masks, depending on the company she might be bearing at the time).

At first impression, she might seems cold and uninterested, with sarcasm being her favorite tool in conversation; Amity makes the effort to keep most people around her at distance to avoid creating unnecessary attachments, so she´ll come off as rude and selfish - but if you hang around enough or prove you have some guts and values, she might take a liking; And once you become friends, you´ll never meet someone more loyal;

She doesn't mind breaking rules – especially her mother's rules – for the sake of entertainment and for helping her friends. She's a fan of pranks and deception, but do not mistake her impetus for recklessness: Amity plays clever to guarantee he reputation remains intact for the right people (leaving the ones who knows her true ways crawling under their skin (enemies) or smirking at her (friends));

She's not one who easily share personal information, reserving her deeper feelings and worries to a scarce number of people;

She won't back down from discussions, and if she feels like something or someone is crossing any lines of her (surprisingly existing) "moral code" she won't leave it alone until she gives a final word on it (besides, she loves the taste of victory, and hate when the ones she cares get hurt in any sense); She fights with words that hit exactly on people's weak spots, but if she's irritated enough she might put her destructive magic to some use (as a threat);

In school, her notes are good (although she can easily make them better if she just puts in the effort) and if the teachers don't insist on pushing some expected behavior towards her, and instead work with her “flexible learning process”, she won't bother. Actually, if she takes interest in the class, she´ll deepen discussions with interesting topics and good criticism, making teachers raise their eyebrows on her competence. But, if for some reason the schoolmaster gets on a tight spot with Amity, she´ll make sure every minute of their class feels a bit closer to hell :)

(One might imagine how polemic Beta Amity must be among the faculty)

When she's not idly hanging with Boscha and the girls, she can be spotted sauntering alone in the corridors, wearing the portrait of Boredom on her face that keeps most people at distance. The only individual that doesn´t appear to be affected by her subtle threatening aurea is Willow: as anything odd and potentially entertaining, Willow conquered Amity´s attention enough to mold a friendship with her. They work pretty well together, with Willow´s centred personality balancing off Amity's fiery behavior. Hanging out with Willow feels both relaxing and exciting, as she never knows what new “job” her friend might be up to - and she's always down to tag along on her quests;

Willow:

Willow is an intriguing kid – and I'm not talking about her dubious choice of fashion or her ability to keep a poker face to everything and everyone while absorbing more details and information than anyone in the room – everyone that knows her agrees with that definition. And everyone knows her; Why? Well...

Her irreducible dedication and unbiased expertise in the bizarre and all sorts of knowledge makes her a handy option for those who need to get some job done and they don't know who else to call. Her almost obsessive curiosity for everything keeps her constantly busy with some experiment, project or investigation;

She displays the minimum respect to people around her and seems genuinely unbothered by social dramas and average teen stuff; Interacting with Willow might feel awkward or incredibly interesting as she has the habit of infodumping and calling attention to random details in the environment (and you'll never know what's going on her mind); ~Her humor is a little morbid too~

She's the kind of person you can hang out alot but if you put some thought on it you'll get shocked how little you know about them – Willow doesn't have a problem with sharing, but she'll only do when requested;

And besides, she rather have the company of plants and herself (a fact she more show than tell), because neither of them will delay her plans or interrupt them with spontaneous cases of *looks down on notes* needing help; (but don't worry, if she's your friend, she will help)

Willow will defy rules only if she knows there won't be bad consequences for her and her "partners in crime" – and she might not share that part with them sometimes so they won't get comfortable enough to mess up;

Luz:

The main common thing between Beta and Canon Luz is their contagious energy and righteous mind: they're always ready to have a good time while being able to help someone; The main difference, I guess, is that Beta Luz has a more flexible moral on methods she might use to do "good";

She never skips the calls for adventure, even the ones that presents potential dangers (which she generally doesn't take note until it's too late) making her a magnet for trouble;

Her friends are so used to her shenanigans that Luz doesn't need more than a look to have them sighing "what have you done this time?"

She's a sporty girl, but also a lover of video games and anime and trying new stuff – which once again, might be a call for danger;

She's friendly but can't help her passive aggressive humor, which can gets sharp depending on her mood; Aggression and offences are a last case resource, unless we're talking about bad guys; She might be down to break rules if it is necessary for doing good, but overall she rather leave law undisturbed; She doesn't mind taking "alternative" ways to achieve her goals, but she draws a line on cheating – and that buys her some heated discussions with Amity;

Luz swears she tries to not get involved in people's business but she never thinks twice before calling people out when they're being unnecessarily bad or rude. Actually, she has the habit of acting before thinking – the main pillar of her troublemaker reputation;

With all that, one might think she's reckless and slow in catching things up – which is not a lie, but that doesn't mean she can't be responsible: she always keep her promises and is committed to following deadlines and conditions – and I'm not sure if this is the place to add, but she's pretty good with children! For Amity's amusement

In sum (simple version):

[ikeservant]

Heyooo it’s been a while!! Hope you are well! (TW?)Can I get some hc for kenshin, masamune, ieyasu, and Hideyoshi on how they would comfort mc from anxiety?? Thank you❤️❤️

Yay! Hello again to my lovely ask box :D. As someone who has an anxiety disorder this was nice to write and actually helped me remember a lot of the coping skills I learned back in therapy lol. I tried putting in different anxious behaviors and causes for anxiety found with a lot of people since everybody’s anxiety is different.

TW: mentions anxiety and anxiety attacks

Kenshin: This man knows EVERYTHING about his mc so even the slightest nervous gulp doesn’t get past his attention. Is the “Mr.Fix-It” kind of guy that wants the cause of her anxiety to be something tangible so he can cut it down, solving everything. At first he thought that maybe keeping her in a cell or room would keep the outside world from doing anything that will cause mc anxiety, but realized that keeping her in a small isolated area without freedom would also cause her great anxiety and damage her mentality, so he instead encourages her to do what keeps her at bay and that she doesn’t have to do anxiety-causing tasks alone or at all, sharing whatever burden she holds with determination. But a lot of the times anxiety is rooted in a concept or idea. If that’s the case, then he offers to do ANYTHING he can to help mc feel reassured and safe. He’s already straightforward so giving clear, honest answers to mc’s questions about his feelings of her, if he thinks she’ll do well at something, or if they’re going to be safe going to battle gives her closure that he truly believes its all going to be okay. If he notices her getting into anxious habits like biting her lip, rubbing her hands/sleeves, or looking like she might be having an anxious episode, he’ll summon the bunnies to give her physical stimulation to help ground her and calm her. Hates seeing her filled with fear when he can’t do anything physically to stop the issue that is causing her to go into an anxious episode so he focuses on protecting and comforting her until she feels steady again.

Masamune: Dude RARELY experiences anxiety, like the last time was probably around his dad’s death. If mc is looking for exposure therapy, look no further! He doesn’t want mc’s anxiety to hold her back from living wild and free, so he often encourages her to try new things and help her habituate and say “hey that wasn’t so bad!” and do the opposite action of her anxious urges to isolate and turn down everything. If something overwhelms mc and throws her into an anxious episode, he offers a comfort snuggle and gives a good, reassuring pep talk that highlights the good parts and form a positive spin to it. The meals he makes depends on mc’s mood. If she’s too nervous to eat he’ll keep offering her light snacks so she doesn’t feel sick while also getting food in her system. If she eats a lot when nervous he’ll fix some GOOD COMFORT FOOD that warms mc up and makes her tummy feel satisfied. Would probably be the type of person that would either let mc stroke/play with his hair when she’s nervous to distract her or help calm her down by putting her head on his lap as he strokes her head with one hand while writing important documents with the other. Even if he doesn’t understand her anxiety he’ll find any way to cheer her up, be it distractions, lending a helping hand, or giving her positive reassurance and encouragement. 

Ieyasu: It’s very difficult for him to give words of comfort so instead he uses acts of service to help her with anxiety. If he notices that she’s biting her lip with a worried look while working on a project, he’ll slip out of the room and return with a herbal tea that is known to calm the nerves and give it to her while telling her she should take a break. If mc is feeling jittery or antsy with no major cause, he’ll “forget” to feed Wasabi and ask her to feed and take care of her, hoping that petting and cuddling Wasabi will give her something to do while also cheering her up. If mc is trying to hide her anxiety from him, he usually picks up from her body language and uses all his willpower to swallow his stubbornness and tell her what she needs to hear by reassuring her that he cares and wants to help any way he can and will listen to her worries no matter how small they are. If he notices her get anxious and panicky in crowded or big social gatherings, he’ll take her hand without hesitation and lead her somewhere less crowded and stay right by her side. He doesn’t like crowds or big gatherings anyway so he’s relieved to get away from that.  He feels like bashing his head on the wall when he says something curt and cold to mc, causing her to take it to heart and worry about those words now playing in her head on a loop. Definitely causes him to reflect what he’s saying and stops himself from saying anything contrarian and turn off his defenses so he doesn’t burden mc’s anxiety any more than it already is. Often gets anxiety about if he’s even worthy to be with mc if he is capable of hurting her with his own insecurities and cold attitude defense, but they both learn to grow and work on themselves for the sake of their own mental being and for their love’s wellbeing.

Hideyoshi: This man relates hella to mc’s anxiety because he is internally anxious 24/7. If he notices mc starting to have an anxiety attack over a mistake or accident while on the job such as breaking a pot, he immediately rushes to her and puts a warm hand on her shoulder while reassuring her that it’s okay and that he’ll help her clean up the mess. Will take her to a tea shop  or treat her somewhere to calm her nerves. Goes above and beyond in doing whatever he can, pretty much becoming a servant to mc such as making calming tea, trying to persuade her to let him take on any extra errands, offering shoulder rubs, etc. He encourages her to come to him with any worries and will lightly chastise her when she tries hiding signs of her anxiety, saying how it worries him even more when she tries hiding it versus communicating her anxiety to him. Mc would most likely throw those words back at him since he does the same thing, causing both of them to learn how to communicate and console one another about their anxiety and worries while reassuring one another. Probably convinces him to take better care of himself because he doesn’ t want to cause her to worry about his wellbeing since he slowly realizes how much he means to her as much as she means to him.

[laceymorganwrites]

Filth alphabet: Atsumu

A=Aftercare

He gets super clingy after sex. You´ll have to do most of the aftercare work, but he´ll prepare snacks and water. 

The time after sex is the one where he´ll open up to you in a relationship, he´ll tell you about his hopes and dreams, his fears, his insecurities and so on. 

B=Body part

He seems super arrogant and he certainly is in some ways, he knows he´s handsome but never put too much thought into it. 

He likes his hands though because of volleyball, he also likes holding your hands and touching you with his.

On you he loves your legs and thighs the most, he just loves how soft they are and will not hesitate to make them his pillow.

C=Cum

Atsumu cums quite a lot and loves to cum on your legs and chest and stomach and honestly all over you.

There´s just something satisfying to him about seeing you covered in it.

D=Dirty secret

Wants to have mirror sex with you, but is afraid that he won´t be able to cum looking at himself. And he´d think it´s weird if he does, he´s looking at himself after all. 

E=Experience

If you were high school sweethearts, you would´ve been his first.

Later on he has a lot of one night stands to relieve stress, but he doesn´t gain much experience from it since he´s very selfish in those times.

F=Favorite position

Goes absolutely feral when you ride him, just... the way your legs wrap so wonderfully around him and he has the greatest view, loves to grab onto your waist as well.

G=Goofy

It really depends on the situation. If he wins a game and you fuck afterwards, he´ll definitely be all giggly and excited, it´s really cute.

If he had a bad day, he´ll need either rough sex or slow and comforting one with lots of touching and praise, in those times he´ll be serious.

But overall, he likes it when you can talk and laugh during sex, it´s so much more chill and he thinks that you´re inseperable, at this point in your relationship he really always is reminded that you´re the only one for him and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

H=Hair

He shaves it all off since it annoys him to no end.

I=Intimacy

Again, depends entirely on the mood. But overall he will always be intimate and romantic with you, no matter how rough the sex is, because you´re his S/O and he wants you to know that you´re loved so much.

Also I´m throwing a little headcanon in here because it fits:

I think that Atsumu catches feelings super quick and will never be able to have distant sex, he will always feel something even though he knows that one night stands and flings mean nothing and his partners want nothing more from him. 

J=Jerk off

He is a master at it, it´s not funny anymore. He was super addicted to masturbating in his teenage years and did it anytime and anywhere he could, public bathrooms, in his grandparent´s bathroom while the rest of the family is eating dinner, you name it.

Has done it in some risky places and had to learn to cum really quick before he gets caught (has been caught too many times)

This goes so far that he can be hard by will to a certain extent.

He tones it down a bit once he´s in a relationship, but never fully stops.

Mutual masturbation is a huge turn on for him, please tell him exactly how to touch himself while you touch yourself, he loves that shit.

K=Kinks

Everyone thinks he´s super kinky but I honestly don´t think so. He certainly has some, but things like BDSM are too much work for him, he just wants to have fun, doesn´t want to work too much for it.

That said, he totally has a sir kink, overall voice kink, dirty talk is up his alley (he himself is shit at it, but whisper sweet nothings in his ear and he´ll be putty in your hands), idk where else to put this but he´s a total power bottom. Clothed sex is also great for him, so is face sitting because he loves feeling your thighs up close. 

L=Location

Anywhere at any time. He thinks because he gets away with masturbating everywhere that this translates to sex as well, but boy is he wrong. Doesn´t do it in too public places anymore and especially not in the gym (Bokuto once caught you and Atsumu had cleaning duty for a month so that he wouldn´t rat him out to Sakusa who´d have an even worse punishment for him).

Is really into shower sex for some reason, also on any kind of counter, couch sex too.

M=Motivation

The classic revealing clothing, the way you say his name, making you laugh (yep, he once told you something dumb that happened to him in training and you were laughing so hard he popped a boner), you wearing his clothes.

N=No

Pain play, degregation and most importantly: don´t call him daddy, his fangirls call him that and it makes him uncomfortable.

O=Oral

He´s soooo good at it, could do it for hours honestly. Doesn´t do anything special really, but it just works?? Loves gripping onto your legs while he´s at it, looks up to you all the time and fuck you can just feel his smirk...

He likes receiving just as much and always makes sure it´s equally enjoyed. Gets so weak when you offer it first, will be so obedient. He still blushes madly when you swallow his cum.

P=Pace

Really depending on the mood, he likes to work up the pace though.

Sometimes he´s really in the mood for slow sex though (especially in the morning or in the night when he comes home to you or you both can´t sleep)

And sometimes he just really wants to fuck your brains out, or his to be fucked out.

Q=Quickie

I mean he´s always ready to go and if you ask for it, he´ll happily oblige. Mostly happens before training, during breaks etc. He doesn´t have that much time anyway, so you´ll most likely often have quickies.

R=Risk

Is always down to try new things as long as they aren´t too complicated.

S=Stamina

He can go all day every day! Has way too much stamina, most of the times you have to tell him to stop when it gets too much. Your sessions therefore also last very long when you have time. It´s really hard to tire him out.

T=Toys

If you really insist on it, he won´t say no of course, but honestly he doesn´t see the point in it. And he´s too impatient and lazy for them.

U=Unfair

He can be quite the tease sometimes, but only in a healthy amount. Would never tease you an unbearing amount, never to a point where it gets annoying and only if you´re okay with it.

On the other hand he likes to be teased and put in his place.

V=Volume

Tries to muffle his sounds as much as possible, he doesn´t like the way he sounds at all, it´s a weird mix of high pitched moans and gutteral grunts, he also hates the way he looks when he cums, so really, he tries to cover all of that up.

It takes him a long time to be comfortable enough around you to just let go and you have to reassure him a lot that you don´t mind, that he´s pretty, that nobody´s perfect looking during sex.

W=Wildcard

Atsumu and you have a list of places where you want to have sex. Osamu´s shop and his place are on top of it because Atsumu just loves annoying his brother.

X=X-Ray

He´s a little above average, really girthy and veiny and a bit more on the thicker side (is always really careful when you two have sex, it´s cute)

Y=Yearning

His libido is super high, he could do it anytime, he doesn´t get sexually frustrated or horny to a point where it hurts, but he´s always ready to go.

Z=Zzz

Sleeps like a baby after sex, especially cuddled up to you.

[hamatoclan76]

My favourite TMNT 2012 episodes (part 1)

I have been thinking writing about my favourite episodes for quite while now.Keep in mind this is not supposed to be a list of ¨ top best episodes¨ from tmnt 2012. There are many episodes that i think that are amazing but they don´t enter in my favourite list episodes for different reasons.

Most of the episodes i included in this list are the ones i often find myself rewatching and are the first that pop up in my mind when thinking about the series. 

I'm going to write two parts about this because i don't want to make the post so long.

Let´s start!:

Slash and Destroy 

When tmnt 2012 fans and non- fans talk about the best episodes of the series, most of the time they mention Slash and Destroy and it´s easy to see why:

The episode itself plays like a psychological horror movie, with Slash as a physical manifestation of Raphael´s darkest desires. He represents everything that Raph could become if he let the most toxic parts of his personality take control him.

Slash himself it´s very good antagonist, he isn´t just some random mutant that appears to destroy Raph´s brothers. He´s Raphael´s best friend and he knows many things that the rest of the Hamato family doesn´t. His uses this at his advantage to make Raph join his side and leave his brothers.

Raph in this episode is fantastic as well. We get to see a lot of his character, from his bad temper and how he thinks the team is ¨holding him back¨ to how far he willing to go to protect his family, even if that means fighting his friend.

Despite it´s tone Slash and Destroy has some of the funniest moments in the season: The subplot about Leo trying to get the mutantgen canister from other humans it´s hilarious. It doesn´t feel forced and doesn´t interrupt the drama, it´s nicely connected to the rest of the story.

I could write a lot about what makes this episode work so well, but i would like to keep that for other post.

New Girl In Town

This episode serves as introduction for Karai´s character and it´s one of my favourite for many reasons:

1)  It´s excellent for Raphael´s and Leonardo´s character arcs. Leonardo tired of how his brother doesn´t respect him as leader, decides to leave the role to Raph since he thinks it would be better if he was the one in charge.

Later, Raph finds out that being the leader isn´t as easy as it seems, when he's forced to give an order that would put the life of his brothers at risk he completely freezes up. He learns he can´t handle the burden of making difficult decisions as he cares for his family so much he´s afraid of accidentatly hurting them.

As for Leonardo, he tries doing things his own way for once, he decides to take a break from the team and ¨have fun¨.  In this episode he acts more like a "rebel" than his typical "good boy", which is quite refreshing to see.

He also learns that he shouldn't expect getting praise for being the leader. Splinter explains to him that the important part of being the one giving the orders is choosing to carry the burden. That's why Leo is the leader because he knows he has to be responsible in making decisions.

2) Karai is very interesting character that completely changes the dynamic of the main protagonists. She usually likes playing Leo and tries pursuing to join the bad side in this episode.

Her exchanges between Leo are very entertaing as well. They acts as friendly rivals and we get to see that she's actually not that bad in the end since she helps the turtles fighting Snakeweed.

"New girl in the town" it's a wonderful introduction for her, as it shows her as someone who it's morally gray instead of just evil.

3) The fight at the end is awesome. I really like how Leo and Raph work together to defeat Snakeweed. Raph decides to trust Leo's orders and follow his commands.

I think it's good way of showing they both have learned their lessons and how their relationships is changing.

Metalhead rewired

One thing i really like of tmnt 2012 it when two character fight, there isn't always one side who it's "right" and other who is "wrong". Sometimes they both make good points and "Metalhead rewired" is a good example of that.

This one is great for Donnie since he really wants to help the team with his inventions but.. as Leo tells him, they can be a bit dangerous and Donnie can lose control of them.

Here we get to see how Donnie's passion for science and technology can put his brothers at risk and how Leonardo also can be stubborn at times and struggles with being open to new ideas.

It's one of those rare instances in the series in which we see Leo and Donnie fight. They usually get on well since Donnie has no problem with following orders. He sometimes sarcastic with Leo but he rarely tries to an argument the same way that Raph does.

The thing it's that Donnie's and Leo's arguments are usually more about strategy than personal problems. While Raph's and Leo's fight are related to their slibing rivaliry and how their personalities clash with each other.

This episode deals with loss as well: Metalhead sacrifices himself to help the turtles escaping from the Kraang prision. While it's true that he can be rebuild it, i think it's still a pretty sad moment that it shows that Metalhead was a robot with good intentions in the end.

Vengeance is Mine

This another very memorable episode that tons of fans remember. The plot and the dialogue it's very well written and much like "Slash and Destroy" has tons of metaphors that worth of analyzing.

This episode it's mainly about Karai and her relationship with Shredder. It how revenge often being doing more harm than good and end up hurting everyone involved.

It starts with great action scene about the turtles helping Karai escape from Shredder's prision. Overall it's very intense scene due to being surronded by very dangerous enemies and they in Shredder's lair.

The scene in which Karai reunites with Splinter is really heartwarning. She doesn't say any word, she just.. hugs him, happy that she finally able to be with her real father. It's a very memorable scene.

And i really love how she later hangs out with the turtles during their training. It's such a cute scene.

The problem is that Karai really wants to make Shredder pay for what he had done to her family. Splinter tells her it's not really worth of her time, that all that matters is that they are now finally able to be together.

Karai sneaks out anyways and she gets captured by Shredder.

This forces the turtles and Splinter to go rescue her. While they are fighting, Oroku Saki accidentantly cuts the chain that holds Karai, making her fall into the mutagen and transforming her into giant snake.

I think i really like how the episode ends in a tragedy, showing how blinded Saki has become for getting his revenge that he even hurt someone he considered her daughter in the process. The scene is acts as a parallel to death, who died exactly in the same way.

Buried Secrets

I really enjoyed April the first time watching the series. It's was very interesting to me to see this girl that used to have a normal life have it completely changed because of the Kraang and "Buried Secrets" was not the exeption.

I really like the amount of psychological horror this episode has: April just wants to be with her lost mother who really turns out a defective monsters that shares her mother's memories and devours each one of the turtles.

On one hand April is finally able to learn more about her backstory and why she has Kraang powers. It was something that wasn't completely necessary for the series to explore but i really like the writers took the time to explain how O' Neil family was being experimented on.

On the other hand it's a really sad since her "mother" wasn't real in first place. It's has to be desvasting to find out your mother/father is really just a monster who is hurting your friends.

And like i said, this is one of the scariest enemies in tmnt 2012. It's very creepy how she just goes hunting each turtles one by one and no one know what's happening.

Mikey was great here too. He was the one that first suspected that April's mother wasn't what she appeared to be. It shows that while he sometimes he's a bit naive, he knows when something is seems off and take things more seriously.

------

Okay, i leave the list here for know. I would probably be posting the other half during the weekend.

I hope you enjoyed my post! Feel free to talk about your favourite episodes in the comments (or by reblog). I would like to see which ones you like.

[xxx-cat-xxx]

absolute top favourite tony h/c fic recs?

Thank you for the ask and sorry for taking so long to answer! I have a recommendation section here on my blog, but I extended it a bit and posted it below:

Cat’s Tony hurt/comfort fic recs

Long works

If you’re up for a dark, violent, and incredibly touching and well written novel in which Tony and Peter are broken and put back together countless times, go for How to repair a broken heart by InfluentialPineapple. In my opinion, it’s one of the best pieces of literature ever written anywhere, even outside of the fanfic-realm. It describes a journey on which Tony and Peter slowly grow together, and although it´s terribly sad and extremely whumpy, you can see the love the author has for their characters in every single line. Injury, illness, violence, torture, anxiety, PTSD, this one´s got everything, so please heed the TWs.

Dark Memories by @trammelsb: This story is centered around child (sexual) abuse. But it is so much more than Tony suffering through flashbacks and panic attacks (although there is a great deal of that) and being comforted by his team members, especially Bruce, his partner. It is about Tony going through a great deal of character development, learning that he is not to blame for what has happened. The author doesn´t shy away from all the heavy topics, but she also never ceases to treat the characters with respect, In the end, it seems to be a story about not giving up, and despite all the pain it causes when you read it, the feeling that stays is that it´s worth to keep fighting.

Arc Tremors by @rose-on-the-mountain: 44 epic chapters of Whump and the kind of fluff that is not fluffy at all, rather makes your heart overflow with emotions. It´s Avenger-family centric, including Pepper and Rhodey and wonderful robot characters, themed around an illness that forces Tony to go through a difficult heart procedure. Everyone’s shadows and traumas get their due, and it balances darkness and light admirably well.

One Hell of a Show by MillyVeil: Clint and Tony get kidnapped and tortured. Heavily. This is one of the physically most brutal whump-fics I know - Milly is like the Tarantino of fan-fiction - but god, it´s well done. TWs for detailed descriptions of rape and violence.

Resistance by thegraytigress: Tony and Steve are captured by the Kree and held in a concentration camp-like environment for months. This is a slow-built, well thought-through love story with a lot of pain and a deep exploration of Tony´s and Steve´s characters as well as their emerging relationship. It has one of the best and most realistic aftermaths to traumatic experiences that I´ve ever read. It’s basically a book worth of heavy, heavy, heavy physical and emotional whump. Please mind the TWs.

She’s my Ride Home by OfMonstersAndMe: The most beautiful recount of how Nebula’s and Tony’s friendship develops in the 23 days they spent in space. Lots of great hurt/comfort scenes and spot-on characterisation.

450 Feet Under by Veldeia: Tony is trapped in a cave with no way out. The Avengers are on the way to get him, but when he gets seriously injured, the rescue mission becomes a race against time. 15 chapters of absolutely satisfying whump, snark, and feels. Background Stony. Simply brilliant!

Short(er) Works

Basically all Tony fics by @builder051​. I especially like this Pepperony Christmas fic and this Nat & Tony cave anxiety fic.

Strong Enough by Ranni: Steve, Tony, and Clint are held prisoner, but the real danger begins when their captors abandon the prison to let them die in their cells. Injuries, torture, pneunomia, great dialogues. Platonic relationships between the three men, really touching, but not cheesy. Ranni is one of my favourite writers, and all her other stories are equally intruiging. Monsters and Beloved Companion also have a lot of Tony Whump.

Five Times Bruce is Not That Kind of Doctor™ + One Time He’s Perfect For the Job by @whumphoarder and @awesomesockes. The most amazing mix of humour and whump you’ll ever find. I love all their fics, so some more of my Tony Whump faves are The After Party and Desperate Times.

@taylortut writes beautiful and touching fics in which Tony gets whumped around other Avengers. Mostly h/c with illness or injury (and some adorable daily-life drabbles).The stories are generally light-hearted, but not at all superficial. I still can´t decide which one is my favorite because I love all of them, so I´m putting up the general link to Taylor´s Blog. Find her here on A03.

The Minor Fall, the Major Lift by sahiya: This one is about Bruce coming back to the compound after Civil War, trying to pick up Tony´s broken pieces. It has the best characterization of Tony, Bruce and Rhodes I´ve seen in a while now. Everything about this fic seems fragile, the characters, the conversations, the shaky comfort they manage to build. It´s slow-paced, and it´s not a fix-it-all, and this is what makes it so good. Sahiya is one of the best writers out there and her series “Me through Him to You” is printworthy.

Bruce and Goose´s Truce by @twentyghosts​: After Infinity War, Tony is saved from space. Bruce medically examines him while being heavily flirted at, then they bathe together, and Tony cries, and Bruce holds him tight. Everyone is more than a little broken, but it´s okay, because they have each other back. More Tony Whump in Cold, Comfort and Unmasked.

nimentia by TinyFuryCloud: Tony and Steve have been married for more than 20 years when Tony is diagnosed with Alzheimer´s disease. This story is so terribly well done. The whole process of Tony slowly disintegrating, slowly getting lost, but somehow, somewhere, still being Tony, is recounted in precise detail with just the right mixture of matter-of-fact descriptions and emotions. Also, A+ characterisation of everyone who is and was part of Tony´s life, including Peter and Jarvis.

Hubris by @writingromanoff​: Tony gets kidnapped and tortured by Justin Hammer. Tortured, as in forced to walk for days and days in the desert without a drop of water, and that´s just the beginning. When Steve finally shows up, Tony doesn´t even know whether he´s real anymore. I still can´t decide whether the whump or the whump´s aftermath is better in this one, both are very well described. Heed the TWs (torture and humiliation, obviously, as well as ED behaviour and others). By the same author: somno, the best concussion fic in the universe, and Blue Lips, Blue Veins, which is on some other level of genius alltogether.

Just a rather very intelligent system by @darkestsight​: Seven instances of Jarvis taking control over the suit and saving Tony´s ass without anyone noticing. Not all of them are sickfics. Chapter 3 is my personal favorite and contains a physically and emotionally beaten-down and extremely tired Tony; chapter 5 has him dealing with PTSD and chapters 6 and 7 involve him getting injured. I liked the idea of it and enjoyed the interactions between Tony and Jarvis.

Pressure Point by ratherastory: Another migraine fic, with a very precise description of the pain Tony´s in and a nice amount of Starkasm. Steve as caretaker. Can be read as Stony, but doesn’ t have to. Pain and vomiting.

Home by @saber-wing​: All Tony wanted was a cup of coffee. But then Thor’s Asgardian monster pet decides to try and eat Tony’s leg for breakfast. Excellent whump, Avengers family feels and a lot of humour. The author has many more amazing whump fics!

I Can´t Exactly Hold Your Hair Back by SirSapling: This is based on the comics and not the movies. It features Tony with cancer and Steve taking care of him on one of his bad days. I like this one for its slow whump build-up. Stony. Tags for migraine, vomiting, mentions of cancer.

Bust a gut, Tones by @whimsicalethnographies: Tony has appendicitis and Peter is the only one who realises it. Perfectly balances between humour and seriousness.

Fool’s Luck by @msermesth: Steve arrives on his doorstep exactly three hours and twenty-seven minutes after Tony finishes the last word of his eulogy. LOTS of pain. TW alcohol abuse, angst and suicidal thoughts. This is short, but extremely well done.

don’t let the blue skies fade by @blancheludis: This starts as a mission-gone-wrong fic with a perfect whump setting (of course Tony has to hide his injuries from everyone) and character depth that focuses on team dynamics and the evolving relationship between Tony and Steve.

Side Effects by discipulapauper: Steve and Tony are stuck in the desert, and Tony discovers that the serum causes unexpected complications when Steve doesn´t get food and water for a long time…Nice whump scenes, good characterization and mostly non-cheesy, non-stony dialogue. Featuring heat stroke symptoms and hallucinations.

Presenteeism by Veldeia: Tony thinks it is a good idea to send an empty suit along with the team on a mission while riding out his hangover alone somewhere in the middle of Russian nowhere. Too bad his hangover turns out to be something worse…

Mohini´s prompt fill for Nov(emeto)ber 5 by @mohini-musing​: Tony is sick and Bucky doesn´t really know how to handle it. A short but greatly written fic with emeto and fever, no WinterIron.

My own fics : 40+ stories of physically and/or emotionally hurt or sick Tony

[ahmedmootaz]

Drakken and Shego: The Shippening: Finale.

You can probably see that I’m running out of ideas for titles. In any case, folks, y’all probably thought I was gone, eh? You thought I stopped my shipping of these two? You thought the Tazmanian Intelligence Forces finally got me after such a long time? Well you thought wrong! Here I am, still writing about these two dorks, and here’s a small compilations of the moments I found to be cute between the two of them, for what will unfortunately be the last time, I’m afraid, but hey, at least Graduation was wholly amazing. Really, it’s one of my favorite finales to a series so far.  But enough monologuing, I watched this show enough to learn how much it can ruin a man, let’s just get into it.

Starting with “Odds Man In”, in which Drakken and Shego open up a...cupcake business. Man, even the summary of this episode can be enough to half-fuel the Titanic. Honestly though, the re-introduction of Hank was a nice call-back, and now he has a better job. Truly a self-made man right there. In any case, I like how Drakken and Shego seem to just have this...thing of casual Friday. I mean, honestly, the way Shego reacted wasn`t surprised or even mocking; she`s already had this conversation before, as in, Drakken has a usual casual Friday. That`s honestly pretty cute. Even though I`m entirely certain Shego would never participate, but at least he`s confident enough around her to wear as he wishes. And, to an extent, she’s nice enough to go with it, which is unheard of for Shego.Then the whole promotion part with Shego, which is what I expected of her to be honest. In fact, her entire dynamic with Drakken this episode appeals to me mostly because of how well they seem to have adapted to each other`s weaknesses and how they`re kinda-maybe-not really getting along well. Also, the ending segment is fairly nice with how Drakken simply invites Shego to help him with the cupcakes. Knowing him, I’d have thought he’d have acted less “Can we please just finish these things?” and more “I made these so they are mine and mine only!”. Though I do wonder how he got rid of the extra calories he gained. Talk about high-metabolism.

Leaving Drakken to burn those calories like he burns people with his raps, we now move onto “Stop Team Go.”, an epsiode I’m certain many put on their ‘Favorite Episodes’ list, and not without good reason. Of course, the main point of the episode was to explore the strange, unimaginable and yet intriguing idea of what would happen if Shego was basically Kim but with superpowers. I enjoyed the return of Team Go, the expansion of their proper storyline and such, and I definitely did not mind seeing Ron go back to becoming Lord Zorpox, even if for a brief moment. But I suppose the real reason we’re all here is Drakken and Shego, eh? Can’t blame ya’. So the side-plot with Drakken and the pickle jar was more than entertaining, but you know what I noticed? Drakken’s immediate assumption that Shego was there during the morning. At breakfast. I mean, come on, people, does anyone here regularly have breakfast with their boss? Well, in any case, even after her abandoning him time and time again throughout this series, Drakken is either gullible enough or so trusting to the point where he considers this all to be a little...prank. He spends all the day trying to open the pickle jar and imitate Darth Vader, but he doesn’t doubt her.  At all. I find that rather nice on his part after everything they’re been through together. I quite liked seeing Shego and Kim interact without trying to cut each other’s throats for once (Mr.Barking crushing on Shego was...It...I-I...Listen, he can dream big, alright? I ain’t stopping him, but...I don’t really think it...uh...worked, for a lack of a better term...He didn’t quite deserve angry guard dogs on him but...I think it was best for him to let go...) but after the dust had settled and Electronique was back in jail, one thing got me hooked: “SHEEEEEEGO! I NEEEEED YOU!”. C’mon, Doc, you’re her boss. Couldn’t you have said something more...strict and bossy? “Oh, there you are, Shego!”, for example? Bah, whether or not he was speaking solely about the gherkin jar is entirely up for debate...heh. I also liked the fact that in what I can only presume to be their spare time, they actually sit together in a single room. Not much talking, but at least they’re getting along. Maybe they can even start a chat or two.

Heading onto “Cap’n Drakken”, where I didn’t really find much in the term of shipping. Perhaps their little chat in their underwater lab, but it was standard at this point in time. I suppose it does give more room for personal writing and headcanons now that we know that Drakken has underwater labs in addition land ones, so there’s that. I cannot really consider anything Drakken does when he’s possessed as...him, to put it simply, although I did appreciate Mr.Barkin`s shenanigans during the episode. Also Kim saving our lovable blue man after he nearly drowns was nice on her part. Thanks for not letting Drakken die a horrible and painful death, Princess. I would`ve liked a joke or two about Mr.Barkin recognizing Shego as Ms.Go and Shego actually trying to help Drakken instead of blasting him off the boat because he ticked her off...But I suppose what she did was very...Shego of her. Couldn`t have expected anymore on her behalf.

And now, we explore “The Mentor Of Our Discontent.” where....Frugal Lucre is back?...Goodness, Frugal Lucre IS back! I almost forgot about him! Good on ya’, man. Though I don’t suppose Drakken was too happy about it...And Shego telling Frugal about what irks Drakken the most while disguising it as his most beloved things? Typical. Nice bit of teasing, though. Her saving them from their near-doom was also a nice on her parts. I also liked the small bit of continuity where Shego reminds (read: practically yells at) Drakken that his past robot-related idea was a bust...Which...I mean...she’s not wrong, but it’s not the robots themselves that failed, it was him...well, tying Kim effing Possible with a regular rope to what seemed like a piece of cardboard. Also...”Oh no: They’re bonding!”...Shego, is that...jealousy, I sense? Most likely not, in fact it’s probably my shipping senses tingling once more, but SHHHHHH. In any case, she probably didn’t want Drakken knowing anyone else since...well, they’d render her obsolete; how many people does Drakken know and interact with on a  daily basis? Not many, I would presume. The plan was...well, it could’ve worked, certainly, but...trying to seduce Jeff Bezos? Yeah, not...too likely...Honestly, the way Shego and Drakken argued this episode, it seemed as if she wanted more...recognition? Appreciation? Never thought she’d be after that, but I suppose she does deserve some, no? Also...Shego with yellow hair? Yeah, not really working out for ya’ with the whole...green skin thing...Yeah, I’ll stop. Also, unlike some people, I actually think Jeff dodged a big, flaming plasma bullet when Shego left him for good. Who knows, he might’ve woken up with a large burn wound and empty pockets. Also no real-estate value. At least she was nice enough to save Drakken and Frugal after this bust of a plot, no? Otherwise we wouldn’t see them in the following episodes? Oh, shut up, I’ll think what I want!

Alsoalsoalso, and this is extremely important: Shego loves hydrangeas! Hey, everyone has a soft-spot, and apparently, Shego is no different. Extremely important you guys. Think of the fanfiction potential!

And now, sliding onto “Clean Slate”, we have Drakken discovering what it’s like to start forgetting about the most essential of things while remembering everything else for a plan. You know, I could’ve sworn I saw a character like that before, though he was nowhere near as likable as Drakken...Oh. Wait. Sorry, my fault. That’s just me. Also, good on you for calling out the exposition, Shego, just as a true friend should for their boss!...Okay also for a sidekick but shut up. Anyways, Drakken tries to amplify his thinking by stealing a thinking machine and...Honestly? His dialogue and banter with Shego throughout the way there is simply amazing. The first scene with the pair of them in the lab after the day-off was just brilliant; I could not tell you just how unsurprising it was that Drakken watches “Ballroom With B Actors”. No surprise at all. Their banter was surprisingly...un-bitter? I mean, yeah, Shego was being her usual self, go figure, but Drakken wasn’t reacting nearly as vengefully as he would...Hmm...Also, why does Shego care if Drakken becomes a list-guy or not? Why does she care if he becomes lame? She is only the sidekick, no? She shouldn’t be concerned about how lame or not he is, eh? Also, personal experience has taught me that these papers are actually life-savers so...lameness for the win? And the hospital scene was quite nice too. The bowling with the henchmen part got a giggle out of me, but I liked how Shego was (slightly) invested in the mission itself. I mean, she actually took the lead, helped Drakken fit the pieces...these things. Also, what I wouldn’t do for a card that just says “Oh snap.”. Their second scene at the lair was also very nice, mostly because of how natural(?) everything felt...I mean...Once more, they’ve started interacting less like boss-and-sidekick and more like equals...In fact, Shego doesn’t immediately quip back when Drakken boasts about his plan in front of her. Which is honestly something unheard of for Shego. And again with the serum creation part, where the lippy-ness and everything else just becomes...naturalized. I mean, heck, “geek!”? That’s the best insult Shego can come up with? Though I have to agree with her about the fool-proof part; the more you say it, the more it is jinxed, my man. And then, the plan itself. which...well...I mean...Just one part. So close. So close. I liked the small quip with “Settle down,”, implying that he needs Shego to...well...calm down. I don’t like stating the obvious but here I am. Unfortunately, Shego’s friendliness doesn’t last all too long (When has it ever?) and she abandons Drakken when the train is about to explode. Same old Shego. At least she came back for him, though. I respect that at least.

Alsoalsoalso, can we give it to Dr.D that he took a major level in awesomeness?! I mean, Shego just deserted him, he was about to be overrun by (an admittedly weakened) Kim Possible, but instead of yelling or running away, he fights back! You go, Dr.D...even though it didn’t turn out all that great...But did you folks see just how glorious his coat looked while it fluttered in the wind? The stuff of dreams. Also the fact that he managed to survive a head-on collision with a hard surface at about 150 Km/h without having Newton’s Third Law obliterate him deserves an award in and out of itself.

Alright, so the next episode that features them only has them in the end credit, but I’m going to use that ocne scene for my argument anyways! Why does Drakken, I don’t know, talk to Shego about lair decoration? I mean, come on, is that a normal thing? And Shego peacefully reading without any snark...just informing Drakken of what’s happening. It was a nice display of companionship and trust after everything they’ve been through. I believe it was also one of they very few scenes with the two of them without any actual snark. Which sets the mood perfectly for:

“Graduation.”. Alright, this one is self-explanatory. We’ve heard it all; an amazing wrap-up, fantastic conclusion to the characters we loved to much (even if I did hate having to bid this show farewell...) and most of all ship-fuel. Oh, goodness, so much ship-fuel. Let’s start with the first scene, with Drakken and Shego in their lab again as he...turns into a Flower?...Just imagining how they’d deal with that is fluffy enough...Oh, also, why was Shego just...taking a bath right there and then? I get that it’s cold up there, but come on, isn’t that just a great display of trust? Could you possibly imagine this would just be done in a regular employee-employer relationship? We’ll skip momentarily over the admittedly nice and thought-provoking Kim-part to go straight to the jungle lair, where our favorite duo is...teasing each-other. The small, genuine smile on Shego’s face sells their friendship to me, and once more, imagining a day where Shego needs to deal with Drakken’s flower is fluffy beyond all belief. And then the alien tower-robot drops in. And then he gets abducted. I’ll gloss over his adorable monologue about his mother and cut to Shego’s horrified expression. That absolute terror on her face when Dr.D’s being dragged away from her. Pretty caring of her, dont’cha think? And her only worry when seeing the alien beacon near them is their lair being found out...seems like Drakken transmitted his interests to her pretty well.

Alright, so the second, more amazing part. Firstly, Shego being so bloody adamant on finding Drakken warms my heart like she warmed those machines’ metal legs, I mean goodness! That’s someone on a mission right there! Amd her absolute resolve to just go out to space to save Drakken...Yep, definitely more to her than the gloating, teasing, snarky Shego we all know and love. Putting aside the amusing interactions between Drakken and Kimmy, we’ll move onto one of the most iconic scenes so far, and one that has been unfortunately spoiled to me, the near-hug between Drakken and Shego. I...I knew from the day I first saw that this would be great to watch. Just...So close! The hesitation signaled to me that they didn’t quite know how the other one felt, so they called it off as to not get ‘awkweird’. Even their bickering afterwards feels less like bickeing and more like...talk. Old married couple snark, if you will. So after a small jog they run into...Warhawk and Warmonga. Who then proceed to perceive them as a couple. Listen, I’m not an expert on romantics, but when an alien race who has only seen you for a single day and thinks you’re a couple...well...inter-galactic shipping cannot be wrong, eh? And Shego’s rebuttal of these caims, while fierce is...well...as Warhawk elegantly put it “A river of Denial.”. Also, notice how Drakken made no effort to argue with Warmonga’s claims.  And then their little co-operation at the lab...if I remember correctly, someone had posted a now-deleted script for this scene that was far more amical. Also far more shippy. And now, we head onto how they save the world together. Firstly, Shego’s introduction of Drakken really feels like how she’d act if she was a typical sidekick, finding glory in every bit of Drakken’s plans. Of course, this is Shego we’re talking about, so this must be something...Good on ya’ Dr.D. Also, and I noticed this through the insight of @bcbdrums ‘ post, but have you noticed that the flowers that bloom are blue and green? Hmm? Is this signaling something, Drakken? Perhaps he signaled it a little too close in the final moments, if that also-iconic scene is anything to go by! I just stopped in my tracks for a moment when it came to him and Shego...Plant-hugging. This is almost everything I wanted. And the smile...it just sells a lot to me. Also how happy Shego looks for Drakken. And on that note, I adore that this is the last we see them together, leaving the rest for our questionably sane minds to fill.

So that was it, folks. Kim Possible. What an amazing journey, huh? It was all-around amazing, and Drakken and Shego (and their shippiness!) only added to it. Such a magnificent adventure this has been, and I wish you all enjoyed it with me, even when I went MIA to hide from Tazmanian Intelligence also because I was lazy  , once again, thank you. Every single one of you. Your opinions are welcome.

Alsoalsoalso, I wrote a Fanfic! Check it out here and write your opinions about that because...well, it means a lot to me. The Fic:https://archiveofourown.org/works/20329315/chapters/48201205

[bookdragonlibrary]

@knightstemplars Well... You were right about cheating? Kind of? I talk about it later. 

When I first watched the episode, I thought it was the torture and the monster which could trigger the audience because it was weird and feel horrible, but it isn’t really surprising when you know Klarion is sadistic and twisted. He is a child who plays with people and from his point of view, it’s funny to fuse people together just like in FMA. If you have read this manga, you won’t even find the scene that weird. (When did this happen to me?) 

About Violet now... Oh God there’s a lot to say... First of all she learns she’s going to die. MotherBox seem to be immortal beings so maybe she just realises human body are mortal because she kept healing herself for deadly injures. But that just reduce her lifetime which isn’t surprising when you think about it. So she knows she’s going to die in few months and goes off. Wanting to experience as much as possible before dying logic. Few episodes earlier she learnt that Gabrielle was the cause of Brion’s parents and she’s mad at her for that because she could loose Brion because of Gabrielle’s actions. So she rejects everything which connects her to Gabrielle: name and last name first and now religion as she sais “I’m not Muslim” when she said earlier the hijab feels right, a way to respect Gabrielle’s body who was the Muslim person. So she drinks alcool, not really islamic... (I know there is a more accurate word for that but I forgot it sorry :/ ) Violet isn’t emotionnaly stable with these two big bad news, so is Harper with a drunk dad at home (maybe violent too? Who knows?). 

And then we have the kiss... Harper is bi in the comics so I think she also is in YJ but she could also lying about her also having a boyfriend. For Violet’s point of view, she is a Mother Box, not really used to human costums, especially the european/occidental relationship where you don’t cheat on your special one. Maybe she ignore that “rule” as Harper says “so do I” and she thinks it’s a normal thing to do. Maybe she doesn’t realises it’s cheating, maybe she doesn”t even realises Harper kisses her without her consent (You cannot be consent if you’re ignorant...). Remember emotionnally Violet is pretty close to a child. She doesn’t know much about human things. It’s okay with Brion because he’s mature, decent, responsible, caring and respectful. He never asked Violet to take off her hijab or something considering not Muslim, he accepted her NB identity without questions. And they never did much than kisses and holding hands, things really sweet and innocent. Brion is a charming prince. But Harper is emotionnally unstable and in a rebellious state of teen age so pretty much toxic for a person like Violet who is also in the same kind of emotional situation. To clearly say it they are self destructive and will destroy each other when they need love and someone to take care of them just like Brion is for Violet. 

For me the kiss was forced, not consented from Violet’s point of view. Ignorance isn’t consent. Being drunk (was she by the way?) isn’t consent. When she says “I have a boyfriend” she’s asking her to stop it. But Harper’s answer made things confused for Violet. 

As characters’ point of view, I understand why they acted like this. But as a writer myself, I don’t know what they were thinking... We have the cliche of the rebellious self-destructive teenagers, unrespectful way to show Muslim people, the cliche of the cheating gay kiss, the cliche if the cheater and unstable bi person. And all of this for the FIRST same sex kiss of this series!

Clearly I don’t know if I would react this bitter about the kiss if we had explicit Goldenflash or Livemist before. But this is the first same sex kiss/couple/relationship/whatever we have. We have representation of minorities before with POC people, religious people (had we really?) and queer people with Violet being NB. But never explicit sexuality representation. Bart being gay and in love with Jaime and Ed was guess by the fans, subtext at most. Ed being gay or bi is still in question as people ship him with Bart and/or Wendy when for the het couple it’s pretty obvious who the special one is. (I don’t say a ship is better than the other, no ships war please!)

And I don’t even know if it was good policeforce representation too as the woman put her gun at them while it was pretty clear they just “having fun with guns” as inconscious teenager but not as dangerous teenagers. I think it was pretty obvious they won’t shoot at someone! Well I’m not sure because Violet tool pretty much her time to drop the gun... But more as a way to defy authority than hesitation to shoot the policewoman.

The irony is we were so afraid of Artemis/Wally/Will love triangle we wasn’t prepared for Brion/Violet/Harper’s one...

EDIT: Well, I would like to come back about one of my statement. I didn’t know police brutality was this normalized in USA, rare accidents only. But a policewoman aiming at a WOC seems to be too common sadly there... And now I understand why Harper was so scared when Violet hesitated to let the gun fall.

[followingfallout4]

Female companions react to Sole accidentally attacking them in their sleep due to PTSD

A/N: Below the cut you can find: Cait, Curie, Desdemona, Glory, Scribe Haylen, Magnolia and Piper. Stayed up all night writing this. It’s now 5 am and my computer battery is running REALLY low. So I’ll proofread this tomorrow. ;) There will be more writings soon! Male companions version is here and gage’s is here

Screaming and yelling pierced the night, jolting the companion awake. She instinctively reached for the firearm next to her when she noticed Sole was the one bringing the noise. As she touched their arm in an attempt to stop them from twisting and turning, Sole managed to land a hit on her jaw. Before she knew what had just happened, Sole managed to spring on on top of her, hands on their companion’s throat. “YOU WON’T TAKE ME DOWN! GO AWAY!” Cait: Cait instinctively punched Sole back, causing them to instantly back off with a look of horror in their eyes and a hand on their jaw. “If yer lookin’ for a fight there’s more where that came from.” “ Cait? Cait... I thought...” “ Well whatever ya thought ya thought wrong, didn’t ya?! Nice right hook you’ve got but I’d rather have ya not swingin’ it at me anymore without first letting me know we’re gonna be sparring. What the hell was that?“ “ I may not have been entirely straight with you.” Cait scoffed “That’s what she said.” Sole didn’t even crack a smile, but their shaking hands now did stand out to Cait “ Are you all right darlin’?” Cait tried to walk closer to them but Sole just flinched when she tried to touch them.  “ No. I’m not. Haven’t been in a while. But I thought I had it under control.”  Cait frowned. “Had what under control? Did ya get addicted to something? Cause we can get that sorted out.” Sole just shook their head and slowly sat down. Not jus their hands were shaking, their legs were too. Cait felt a sinking feeling creep up on her and backed up, hand on her gun. “Are you a synth? What did you do to Sole?” Sole shook her head. “No I’m me, I’ve just got... sometimes I get these... flashes and nightmares and they usually have a paralysing effect but I haven’t had them for a while. It’s just when I saw that kid yesterday... it reminded me of... “ Sole went quiet. “I know it sounds nuts.” Cait exhaled deeply. “ It really doesn’. I know what it is.” The images came rushing back to her too, her parents accepting the money when they took her away, the violence when she was a child, the... she shook her head. “Tommy... told me what it was when he saw me having a breakdown at some point.” “ It’s got a name. Called PTSD.” Sole muttered. “It can’t be cured.” “ I recovered... I don’t want to suggest you take over my ways of coping, they weren’t quite that good. Weren’t even voluntary, just did what I had to do to survive. But we can find better ways to deal with em. All the ways Tommy told me and I didn’t wanna hear. For starters, I... I'm here if you need to talk. If you want to. You had me back when I needed yer help from Psycho. Now I’m gonna have yours.” “ You don’t owe me Cait.”   “ Not why I’m doin’ this. I don’t believe in that kind of shite. No, I just won’t let one of the last decent people out there go down the same path I did, handlin’ it in all the wrong ways. I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”  

Curie: Curie grabbed Sole’s hands and muttered “Pl... please... It’s... me.” Sole let go and shook their head while staring at their hands and walking backwards until they hit a wall. “Curie, I’m... I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to... “ Sole put their hands in front of their face and started sobbing quietly before they let themselves slide down the wall. Their breathing was far too fast, too ragged. Curie rubbed her neck before sitting down in front of Sole “ Please breathe. Deep breaths. Slowly. Just do as I do.” Curie started to breathe in and out deeply and as audible as possible. Sole followed her lead. When their breathing had slowed down a little Curie gave them a moment, until they looked at her again. And broke down again. “ I’m sorry...” Sole nearly started to cry again.  “No it’s okay, did you have a bad dream?” Sole shook their head. “ Well... yes. But... it happens regularly. I have seen a lot of things and sometimes the images come back. And they...” Sole shivered and dug their nails into the palm of their hands. “Make it feel like I’m there again. Making the same mistakes, being helpless.” Curie reached for them but Sole just flinched. “Please, don’t touch me right now. It makes me feel... trapped. Just give me a moment.” Curie put up her hands and placed them beside her body. “ So you have flashes and panic attacks because of past trauma?” Sole nodded. “ Does this mean you have zhis post traumatic stress disorder?” Sole looked up, surprised that Curie knew about it in spire of her limited amount of time in the ‘real’ world. “ Yes, it is.” Sole said it so quietly that Curie could barely even hear it.  “ I zho not understand it completely, all emotions sometimes feel overwhelming to me. But I have learned what that mans to humans. You must know, I can do zhings to aid you while you have this condition. I can help. Try to look around the room and describe what you are seeing. Or talk to me. Or seek therapy!” Curie went quiet. “I suppose it is a little bit harder now in the wasteland. But you can talk to me. I am loyal to you. I want to help you because you are my friend. Now, I feel like I should... hold you. Could I put my arm around you? “ Sole looked at her and nodded slowly. “ I am not going anywhere. I feel more than just duty, I... care. You need my help and it is important to me to help you. Whenever you are ready. So... are you ready?”  “ I think so. Do those... things you mentioned help?”  “ I have not yet tested them but I believe they will. And if they don’t we will find a way to help you. You will be my next experiment!” She meant it well, and Sole knew it. They put their head against Curie.  “Thanks, Curie.” “ You are most welcome.”

Desdemona: Des grabbed their wrists. “What... are... you...” Sole let go. After a deep gasp Desdemona continued with “doing?”  Sole seemed frozen, looking at their hands then at Desdemona, not saying a word. Completely in shock. “ Oh no.” Des got up, stood in front of Sole; “Sole. SOLE!” They looked at her. “Whatever you just saw, it wasn’t real. Look around, where are you?” “At the railroad headquarters.” ‘Yes. What do you see, Sole?” Sole went over all they they could see and even proceeded to descibe Desdemona herself.  “ Feeling better?”  “ Is no an answer?” Des smiled. “You’re speaking again, that is progress. Is this a recent condition or have you had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for a while? What did you see?” Sole shuddered. “I’d rather not talked about it quite yet if you don’t mind.” “ I do mind if it affects you like this that you are still going out on missions.” “ I have to help those people. There are synths out there who need me. Who need us. I can’t just... I can’t stop. I have to just suck it up and...” Des interrupted them. “No, you don’t.” “  I’ll deal with this when the dust settles.” “ You have done a lot already. It might be time for you to allow me to help you fight this.” “I can pick my own battles Des, this is not the important one. “ “ Isn’t it? You just lunged at me. What do you think will happen when you do this to someone who doesn’t trust you blindly? Someone who themself has been through a very traumatic experience? They’ll run or fight you. So this is an important battle. Sometimes our battles pick us. We can’t quit. We just can’t. “ “ I don’t want to feel useless.” “ You’re not. You’re never going to be. I admire you for all you’ve done for us. All the people you’ve saved. Now please allow us to help you save yourself from these visions. We may not be able to stop them alltogether but we can help.”

Glory: Glory instantly elbowed Sole and flipped them right on their back. “SNAP OUT OF IT! You’re in the railroad! It’s NOT. REAL.” Sole went limp. Just staring up at her.  “ You are safe. Whatever you have seen it can’t hurt you. And I won’t hurt you either.” She got off of Sole and put her hands up. “Look around and breathe. Concentrate on your breathing. You’ll be okay.” After a few minutes Sole managed to speak again. “You... have experience with this?” “ Not firsthand. But I’ve seen it before. PTSD, right? Some of the synths have it. Some of the humans have it too. It’s caused some issues in the past. People thinking the killchip of a synth might be athing while all they were suffering from is the things they went through. What triggerd it?” Sole shook their head. “ You don’t want to talk about it?” Sole shook their head again. “ All right, that’s fair. Whenever you’re ready let me know.I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect you to have it. Considering the amount of blood and gore you see day in day out. Suppose I shouldn’t be surprised it would affect you. You always go with your big, stupid heart. It scares me. The way you jump in front of the gun rather than just jumping the gun sometimes... Whatever it was... you can talk to me about it. I won’t tell anyone. But I suggest you do. I’m more of a do than talk kinda person myself. I can try but... I may be shit at it. The railroad can get you in touvh with other people who are fighting this. Or get you whatever else you need to help. But don’t worry I’m no snitch.All at your own pace. You feeling a bit better yet?”  Sole nodded. “ Good.”

Haylen:      Haylen grabbed their wrists and kicked Sole off of her.  “ IT IS NOT REAL! SOLE! I AM HAYLEN. Whatever happened I wasn’t there. So it is not happening again. We are safe. “ Sole punched a wall. They looked angry but confused and hurt as well. Tears streaming down their face.  Haylen just let them go ahead. Let them scream. When they had calmed don a little she spoke again. “ I’ve been there. I mean, it was different for me. The image of my partner in my arms, and me knowing I couldn’t save him. I would just... freeze. Unable to move. Then cry. Go from not wanting anyone to touch me to needing a hug to reassure I was okay. I know my triggers now though, it’s... not gone but easier. It helped me to know that I did what I could at the time. i made the calls I made at the tim because they seemed like the best ones. Now... I avoid what triggers it as much as I can. I figured out what makes it easier to get it out of my system. “ “ I thought I had it in check. I’m..” “ No you don’t have to tell me you’re sorry. I’m sorry you’re going through that.” “ Those things that you do to help, will they help me?” “ I guess I’m gonna have to figure that out. With you. But you’re not alone. And it’s... not uncommon. There are more Brothers and Sisters who are living with it. Danse kind of helped me through it. I don’t even think he realized it. But I do.“ “ What if their ways don’t help. What if nothing helps yet?” “ Some things will.”

Magnolia: Magnolia just banged on Sole’s chest for a few time s. Sole let go instantly and Magnolia scrambled for a gun. “ I really didn’t think you were one of the crazy ones.” She coughed a few times. Sole walked further away from her with their hands up. “ I... I’m sorry.” Magnolia noticed Sole was shaking. It looked strange, they always looked so confident in front of her. Now they were so... vulnerable. uncharacteristically so. She put the gun down again. “Shhh... calm down. You’re with me. I don’t bite... much. Breathe.in. Breathe out. That’s it. Now please explain why you attacked me?” “ I have PTSD. It is... challenging. I sometimes see the worst parts of my life again as if it is happening. It makes me think I’m there. Sometimes I can’t shake it for a long time.” “As I said when I met you, we’re all trying to forget something aren’t we? Don’t worry. You can come to me whenever you need to get away from the world out there. I’d bet you’ll feel a little better listening to my songs... or when I get you awake in my bed. I can’t fix your ptoblems but I can make  you forget about them again for a little while.” “ Magnolia?” “ Yes, sugar?” “ Thank you. But... I thought your love was the stage. That I shouldn’t get too attached.” “ My first love, yes. Never said anything about my second or third. Besides, I’m not offering to be your one and only. But every hero needs a muze. I’m happy to be yours.” “ Your second love?” “ Perhaps. And you’d be surprised what I’d do for love. Stick around for a while. I’ll look after you on my down time.Just don’t get too used to it, all right darling?”

Piper: Piper managed to bend Sole’s thumbs in such a painful manner that they let go. The pain snapping Sole out of their nightmare. Piper coughed a little. “What the hell, Blue? I figured that if you’d wanted to kill me you’d have tried by now?!” Sole was staring at their hands. “ ‘c mon I didn’t break your thumbs or anything. You’ll be fine. You owe me an explanation though. What was that?” Sole looked back at her and only then Piper saw the tears.  “ Oh... Blue.. hey eh... damnit. I’m not good with you and... that. But I have to know... why did you attack me?” “ I was having fflahbacks to the worst time in my life. I haven’t had them for a while but...Sometimes it feels I’m there again. And I am fighting and helpless again.”  “ Are you okay?” “ Right now? No. I will be though. After.. a while..” “ Has this happened before? Is there anything I can do?” “ You could forgive me for doing... that. I swear I didn’t want to hurt you.” “ Oh I know, don’t worry about that. Let me do the worrying. Please, has this happened before or is this a one-time thing?” “ It tends to happen when something reminds me of... “ Sole scraped their throat. “ Is this related to the story I am writing? Those people I interviewed yesterday? I am sorry... I should n’t have taken you along to a family who had their child kidnapped by the Institute I;;; i’m so sorry.” “ I’m not sure it was that. It might be what triggered it.” “ Whatever it is...” “ PTSD I’d assume.”  “ All right, that gives me a name. I’ll... do some research. I will do whatever I can to help you find solutions. “ “ Piper. Please. I don’t think I can fix this. So please just ignore it.’ “ I’m worried about you. And I’ve been travelling with you for a while. I know by now that you can beat anything that’s out to get you. And that we can overcome anything if we do it together. We’ve already proven that over and over again. We can do it again. We can pretend I am the one who has it if you don’t want anyone to know. But... we can figure this out. “ “ You don’t have to do this. “ “ I know. I don’t do things cause I have to. Ever. I do things because I want to. Because I feel passionate about them.” Sole cracked a little smile. “You’re feeling ‘passionate’ about me?” “ Don’t push it Blue, or I might think it was just an excuse to get me closer to you. In which cas; just buy a girl a drink and have a talk. Works way better. “ She carefully extended her hand, not sure if Sole wanted to touch anyone. Sole put theirs in hers. “We both know I’m more of a speaker than a listener most days....but you’ve always listened to me. I’d be happy to listen to you too. Whenever you need me.”

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s5ep2 “Trespassers” Personal Review

“Maybe there's still good people left in Gotham.”   “Some say the darker angels of our nature are unlocked and set free.”  Warning spoilers below   

JIM GORDON  Mainland wants the GCPD to do nothing in the case of the children. “Your dedication to your job is admirable, Captain, but you lack perspective.” Jim Gordon says he needs supplies not opinions but Mainland says, nope. They won´t risk pilots (theirs or Wayne Enterprise´s). “So you can save a few lives for thousands, but I can't?”  Touché. Jim got a point there.  HARVEY BULLOCK * Shows some (un)healthy pessimism.  “IF we get back.” / “Check out the basement in a creepy hotel by myself? Sure. What could go wrong, right?” * Still has the best lines: “Why would anyone be a cop in a world like this?” “Well, the Halloween shop was all out of gas masks, so it was either this or sexy nurse.”  * “Oh, my God. Oh. Not good. Oh, God. This This is not good.” And after having swiped through the teeth he still picks up the severed finger that is obviously a severed finger. Honey, what are you doing? The LOGERQUIST HOTEL Scene was awesome. Some reminiscence to earlier season, a side quest that gives you break from the greater mess. More please. > It´s just awesome that they just pulled the leaver and let them slide into a campy/classy horror. You just have to scream at the screen. Don´t leave the kids alone! Don´t split up! Don´t trust the other kid! How about you go for the lamps and try to destroy them instead of banging the door! (Harvey Bullock smashing the windows was a clever moment though, gotta give him that)  Just the whole atmosphere of that set alone. Love!  > This showed actual detective work and brought the plot and chara points of the macrocosm into  this microcosm  !!!!!!! It´s not only Harvey Bullock being weary of being sent into the basement (what could go wrong) that ties back to him not being keen to be shot standing next to Jim because Jim got the bounty on his head. It´s going right for the lingering pessimism that Harvey has been expressing (If we get back..) and him lecturing Jim that Jim´s methods (not killing Penguin) aren´t the right way for the mess they are in.  They have Harvey Bullock being so perceptive to point out the lit candle right away. “Jim, we're not alone. Someone lit that candle. “ To which JIM GORDON reacts with HOPE!    “In the old west, settlers used to leave a candle burning to lead others to safety. Maybe there's still good people left in Gotham.”  He´s not only playing the same record that he played the whole last episode (and I´m not shading him there, his attitude is great in that situation, otherwise what would there be left but despair for him and everyone else) but he´s also referencing HISTORY .. and I vaguely remember that this is not the first time he did that [[DOES AYONE have a better memory than I do? PLS tell me]] which brings back memories of early Jim Gordon that solves cases and Ed´s riddles. They at the same time concede hope a victory, they get to save the two kids and Gabriel but Jim Gordon has to leave the other boy behind: “Not everyone wants your help, Jim Gordon.”  IVY PEPPER   “The plants came to my protection. “ Ivy, how about you asked them to stop. “But this park ever since we were cut off from the rest of the world, it's been behaving differently. There are things growing here I have never seen before.” Okay fucks sake, I so hope that this is not true. First we get Ivy magically aged then we get Ivy stealing some potion aka none of her love for plants and research and experiments that I wanted to see and now she should be afraid of them even? How about no?! Okay, I´m glad they didn´t go there. “You know, I wasn't lying when I said this park is changing.I'm feeding the earth with these wretched creatures. It consumes them, and then it flourishes.”  >> Okay I can´t say that I like the “Ivy is a maniacal, cold-blooded killer.” but the mere suggestion of Ivy being intimidated and patronized by her plants scared me enough to be happyish about it. I´d still like to see her be just with her plants. Bring back her mushroom farm! Scratch all that murder business she had going on with Gotham and its people. Give her some space and place to care about her plants and learn more about them and okay if someone disturbs them or tries to harm them, and then bring out the murder. Maybe it might go into a direction like that now..... ?  Ivy more and more retreating into the branches of that tree, while talking to Bruce got me intrigued. “Where I'm going is none of your business. Best hurry. That root will die if left out in the open for too long.” Her being so mysterious, and ambiguous about if she can be trusted suits her. Much, much more than a snarly direct threat of murder.  She is her own entity, that does as she pleases and everything else if left to wonder what that might be! That would be a good attitude. QUESTION:  “One thing is for sure though the seed will alter her forever.” “How?” “Some say the darker angels of our nature are unlocked and set free.” So this “some say” does not sound like a general statement about the nature of humanity it does sound like some people talk about the effects of this particular plant on humans. Which begs the question: Who says this? The plants? Do they whisper to her? Is it meant indirectly as in the research she did told her that? Or are there actually other people with knowledge over matters like this? Are there records, writings, research with footnotes? Did Ivy read them? Did she do her own experiments. Who or what is this referring to. I need answers!! 

Also: Ivy is so ridiculously overpowered in this show, how the hell did those guys manage to lock her up? Also2: Is the guys story about them coming for their magic and getting killed true? Ivy at first  helping people? After all the nurse knew about her and thought she would help? Was she kind and people got greedy, demanded too much, wanted to take advantage of her? Then again she was not known as the helpful fairy but as witch, so there might have been something that got her that reputation .. but there also had to be something that got her a reputation as healer instead of solely being a murderous killer witch?  EDWARD NYGMA * How could he believe locking himself up would work if he just had the key in his pocket? This should have been some timed release system that didn´t give him access to the key until after a couple of hours. * Uhm, can TANK from the Street Demonz gang please stick around. I like him. I like those two together. That´s fun. “Did I, uh hit you, et cetera? Any idea why?” * Okay so sleepwalking or for him rather wakewalking Ed has orchestrated the demise of the Street Demonz in order to get some more chaos and war and likely Oswald´s head? Great. * “How did I seem? Was I confident, flamboyant, charisma for days? Or a little more conservative, kind of repressed, a little nerdy?” “You seemed stiff, man of few words. In a daze, actually.” “Interesting.” * “Well, whoever did just started one hell of a war.” Tank can you please stick around, I need a rough biker that gets to the heart of things like that on Eds side.   PREDICTION? Oswald put a bounty on Jim Gordan´s head. The criminals want to kill him. “Edward” likely put an indirect bounty on Oswald Cobblepot´s head, ciminals will want to kill them. However it seems Barbara Kean makes this situation less equal with protecting Jim Gordon from criminals and tightening the thumb screws on him in order to get Jim to kill Oswald. It just seems everyone´s best bet is to go get rid of Oswald right now. And I´m gonna be disappointed if Oswald doesn´t change back to his clever self and manipulate the situation in a way that ties his and Jim´s life back together  … SET DESIGN Yes this is a character on its own and it´s marvelous. * The Wallpaper in Edward Nygma´s bathroom is pretty. * Is that a can of beer on the window still next to Tank in the bathtub?? * Damn every place Ivy stays at is just eerie, beautiful and just stunning. * The halls of Logerquist Hotel are awesome and the perfect atmosphere. FunFact: John Logerquist founded Gotham in 1635 

* Someone had a field trip with the LIGHTNING [Edit: Link]  in this. First the bright lights in the conversation with Barbara Kean and Jim Gordon in the Sirens club, then the Lightning used as weapon  at the hotel. This all should be super obnoxious, like glaring out a charas whole face during a dialogue .. what .. but it all just works, and works really well. Damn.  Honorary mention: The light bulb and welding sparks 11:40 * Those safe houses that Lucius Fox set up looked like a dream again. Just like Lee with that train, or Jim visiting the retired Carmine. I just wait for someone to wake up, shatter the bubble, destroy the niceness. It slightly creeps me out every time they do that.   * “What do I do, just swallow it?” Okay Bruce Wayne should have told SELINA KYLE everything that Ivy said about that thing. This is not an informed medical decision: Me not moving vs. probably not me but moving is a relevant thing to know. Not that I think it would change anything for Selina, but they should have laid open all the information and it bugs me. It might kill you is just half of the story. It might change who you are even if it works is a significant thing to know about. * GABRIEL I literarily can´t believe he is still alive. That´s the kind of character that usually has the shortest shelf life. * Also how beautifully phrased was Bruce Wayne´s initial distrust towards Ivy is. “You'll forgive me if I find it hard to do so.” * “God, what have I done” Acting on point, acting over all point, acting is said point .. * “I'll tell you what! I'll take his head, and you can have the rest of him!” I giggled. (Context: He doesn´t need more than Jim´s head to collect the bounty from Penguin)

[diegopetrucci]

A strategy to pick up girls

Don't mind the clickbait-y title. I thought it was fun to have it, but the content is not. I've written a lot of thoughts on mental health and what I've done this year, and I thought it would be interesting to have a few words as well on how I approach meeting girls.

I've broken up with my long time girlfriend earlier this year, and so after almost ten years out of the market I had to re-learn all of this stuff. It's been a fun experience. I've asked friends for advice and recommendations, gone to the internet to find resources, and so on. There's a lot of stuff out there, but I have to be honest, most of it I've found to be pretty dumb. On one side there's the ever present "just be yourself!", which is pretty useless if you don't know what yourself is or if yourself is not a great person; on the other, the internet is full of pickup guides and tricks, which only reinforce you putting up a fake persona, thus making you avoid your longstanding issues and problems.

As usual, I've found that experience is the only way to learn. Which is kind of funny coming from a blog post trying to teach you something. Hopefully, though, this is more of a framework than a precise sequence of steps.

I think there are three pillars that you have to follow to be successful in your romantic endeavours: you have to live an interesting life, you need to be centered, and you need to be direct about your intentions.

The first two are related to my previous posts. The first person that you need to care about to have other people in your life is yourself. I'm sure you can have one-night stands, or even relationships, if you're in a bad place in your life. I had too. But if you want something more, you need to have your things sorted out. I did this by focusing on both my physical and mental health first. I've written a lot about this, so I will be super short: exercise, eat well, go to a therapist to help you fix your issues, find a job you like, find a hobby you love, socialise a lot. Easy on paper, harder in reality, but there's no way around it.

The socialising bit is crucial. I'll be very candid: unless you're in the top quartile looks/body/mental-health wise, you won't get many girls straight up approaching you, if at all. So you have to be able to put yourself in an environment where girls are plenty and you are able to screen for matches without feeling like you're missing out. (Oh, and for the record, I'd give the same advice for girls looking for men.) The worst behaviour I've seen — both in myself and others — has come from having a scarcity mindset, where you feel like the one person you've just met is the only one that could be available to you, and so you become extremely attached and needy. This is so not true. I am not that good looking and yet with a bit of fixing my physique, style, and emotional intelligence I'm able to "meet" a new girl (that something could evolve from) basically every week. So go out, do it often, and "use" your social circles. That is how you fight the scarcity mindset.

Being centered is about knowing what you are, what you like, what you want, what you believe in. And not moving from it to please someone or something. That doesn't mean you can never change, change is great! But forgoing your core values is not okay, especially if under external pressure. It also means having a full-filling life that you can always fall back to — essentially, not being dependent on one thing for your well-being, but having abundance and knowing it. A centered person is one that is confident at saying no to others when necessary — always gracefully, of course — and that is not affected by setbacks because they truly believe in what they're doing.

Being direct is another matter. When you know what you want and need from another person, you should be very clear about it — it’s healthier for both parties. Just yesterday, for example, I’ve met an interesting girl at the NYE party I was at. After a bit of talking and flirting I’ve asked her directly if she had a boyfriend. She said yes (and the guy himself was at the party!). However, the "rejection" has not shaken me (again about being centered!). I’ve continued to talk and dance with her, but the expectations were very clear at that point and we just had fun hanging out. The me from a few years ago (and months, probably) would have circled around it, and started a long and dragged out process of maybe adding her on Facebook, chatting with her every once in a while, and so on, obviously going nowhere. Looking at a person in the eyes and telling them what you want is the only good way forward.

More or less the same has happened on Saturday at a bachata event, after the lessons a girl I was joking with has come to me asking for my number (love the straightforwardness!), and I’ve asked another one I've met outside for hers. Both conversations and their tone have been very clear from the start without being pushy or aggressive, and getting to know each other in the future is just the natural evolution of events. If it hadn't gone well, we'd both be free to pursue other stuff, knowing that all ambiguity had been cleared.

Being direct is also linked to having an abundance mindset. When you feel like you only have one chance because you found the one and then you're done for months or years, you are super scared of expressing yourself truthfully. I mean, who wouldn't? It's just so much pressure. But it could not be further from the truth, and realising that frees you from all the built up expectations you have for yourself, making it easier to be straight with the other person. And, ironically, not caring about an individual encounter, makes it way more likely that it will go well. You demonstrate that you are independent and confident, and there is very little that is as fascinating in a person as that.

--

I honestly think this "strategy" could very well be applied to socialising with friends, or to how to approach your job. It is very generic, but again, its main points of fixing yourself first, losing the scarcity mindset, and being direct are commandments that work well for a lot of areas.

I'm aware I've not posted lines, or tricks, like you could find on reddit or on forums. I mean sure, there are things that you can say that can move the conversation's tone from platonic to sexually charged, but I believe these things are discovered naturally with experience, and again, learning them as a checklist only leads to building up a fake persona. I have been there and it only sidetracked my growth as a person. You should be the best version of yourself, not parroting someone else.

[michellialeeids]

Week 5

Research Data Synthesis 

Questions

Quan-Lin shim 30 yrs / Designer at Catch / Zoom for day to day basis / collaboration / talking w/ clients / Business set up / company account / board room app / tv connection / part of zoom is interesting connects everyone / automatically share screen, zoom picks up / 

Two days WFH / I have set up / during week days / desk / large screen / laptop on side / duo screen / 

Macbook Pro 13 inch / Keyboard extension / 

Yes, lockdown last year / google hangouts / limiting / skype / 

Positive / Audio was super clear / upgrade / hear multiple people

Interface was confusing / 1 week / more around learning how to schedule meetings + google calendar 

Grid layout / filters & background / -> fun / engaging / 

Waiting Room (feature positive)/ Downside : notification counter not great / not noticeable / space bar mute /  Platform all in once place / for softwares

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Joseph Jeong / 19yrs / Student at Techtorium

Mornings : School - Attend classes physically or online / Get back home - get ready for work / Go to Work until late at night / shower / eat if have to / play games 

Desktop computer / Laptop (Asus Tough Gaming)

Yeah, through online articles/youtube videos in regards security breach 

Yeah, around Feb 2021 

My main purpose is to attend classes 

Discord / Microsoft Teams 

It was okay, quality (zoom classes / video camera and feedback / compared to skype - video feedback is bad when there are many people in one session) is pretty fair / very organizational use but not private use

When hosting a video calls on zooms - break out zooms - make people go in them and personal talks is pretty welldone / can create our own channels for whatever projects 

Neutral

No 

Function - satisfies purpose 

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Ryan Campbell / Designer Lead at Catch Design / 36 

Work FH / 2 days a week / tuesdays and fridays / work in the office rest of those days / at home work from small desk / at work : better situations / work off screen at both places / fuzzy internet at home / office: zoom calls in board rooms/ meeting rooms  

Macbook Pro / Android Huawei P20 :uses zoom on both devices

Yes, I use zoom at work / make decision between Micro Team and Zoom/ Zoom won/ Director made decision/ I got to know about Zoom at Catch Design : May 2020 

Lockdown Zoom with friends quiz night - social purpose / 

Main purposes : internal meetings / external client / some use team which is awkward / social purposes to catch up / corporate updates done via zoom 

The 40 minute time limit is really annoying (bad experience pissed me off)

Average - middle of the road - nothing amazing - found it hard to start a meeting / not intuitive / scheduling a new meeting & new meeting is confusing / sharing links is confusing (text forms ) / should really be one piece of text not a novel or words / copy and paste is confusing because there are 

Closing a zoom call (leave a meeting - and then quick leave (do you really want to leave?) / makes it awkward when in front of other (pause ) : worst user experience u cld possibly create - two step leaving journey = awkward pause / less possible to accidentally close the meeting . Security(should be chooseable) / Waiting room is auto ticked (WHY?) / Creating video conference call / casual meet ups 50%(majority) / client meetings 50% - so don’t want hardcore security like waiting rooms 

Basic functionality works for video  / video background filters / (beautifier mode) / video filters is great (only thing i like about zoom) / does its job

A lot of frustration / punishing!!! /  very painful / double close is painful / positive 

Single click close / intuitive point of view / just does video conferencing = a lot of annoyances / Zoom works well with external parties / Teams can only be within Teams / Audio is an issue : trying to connect bluetooth headphones is difficult (if could be done well solving issues for bluetooth connected devices - easy connect and disconnect ) shareability - sharing a zoom link it hard = feels like 30 different time zones / 3 different hyper links / not all of them are meeting links / easy to share screen / 

Social events : really hard to have everyone to have everyone visible on screen / layout is restricted / more than 8 ppl - can only see 5 at a time / on mobile is worse - need to change layout / connectivity / chats algd / doesn’t stand out that much / google meets : microsoft teams / facebook calling 1:1 communication / 

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Quentin, Front-End Wed developer - 41 / Catch Design / Father of two 

Sitting behind laptop most of the time / office / at home trying to take care of kids not coming in to home office 

Macbook Pro 

Yes, got to know about Zoom day I started with Catch, 1st April 2020 

Yes, it was a Wellington/ Auckland Catch Design conference meeting / first time using - was very simple/ was using google hangout before Zoom/ initial layout was different / hangout’s interface was different / nice and simple 

Virtual backgrounds / had worked for a company in UK - thought about masking my background 

Apprehensive / First day of work kind of nerves 

I never know when people add comments / chats - doesn;t know until someone says something about it / 

I bought shares in Zoom / it peaked / but it dropped so lost a bit of money / 

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Lie-An / 34/ IOS Developer 

Train Commute / Office 8:30 / 3-4 hrs / go back home / watch netflix series / go back to bed around 9 / not that tiring 

Macbook Pro / iphone 12 pro

& 5. Yes, previous employment started using Zoom for experimentation / as back up for google hang out / at Catch Design mostly used a lot / use it for online conferences 

March / April Last year (lockdown)

Meetings / conferences 

It was very quick, but interface isn;t that appealing. Has improved npw, the view itself is PC/ easy to start meetings / easy to invite / can be attached to google calendar

The speed of the software / interface: not that much : using Zoom - more focused on functionality 

Got used to it, understood how app works / frustration with iPad because it is hard to start meetings with the iPad Zoom 

The amount of time setting for the meeting / in hang out you can set a meeting for an hour/ for zoom there is a maximum limit if not pro user / background filters / notification reminder / (great!!) 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam / 28 / Tech LEad / Architecting application / Developing Application 

Half of the week in office by team / half of the week work from home 

Macbook Pro 13 inch 

Yes, Forced to use it for work. 

Yes, Just Before lockdown, iPad /

Meetings - team aligned on project guidelines / social zoom calls over lock down - team cohesive, gather requirements / find out and gather information / show product etc. 

First impression : wasn’t a big fan at start, before installed - big security breach (no good first impression), as I got used to using it, good video streaming expereince - interface : didn’t find it user-friendly (clunky), I would prefer Google Meet (sharing links / less extra step) 

Video streaming itself is very good / good quality / core feature is great 

Frustration / installation amongst people 

To get used to zoom - couple weeks - 

Google Meets - runs in the browser - click the link - straight into the feature. (extra step / user journey)

Used zoom for presentation / after research / professional development / kinda education / knowledge sharing with the team / collaborative environment / pretty easy / screen share - 

iPad Zoom interface  / trying to join from ipad (look into it) 

Remote Control Panel for Zoom (connected TV). Consistency amongst interfaces with different devices. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Interview 1: Grace Chey,  21, Product Design Student

1. I am a 20 year old full time student in my last year of studying industrial product design. 

2. I am either at home studying by myself or is at school (going to lectures, workshops and labs) surrounded by school peers. 

3. iPad, Macbook

4/ 5. Yes, I was first introduced to zoom by my school (University of Canterbury) last year for online learning during lockdown

6. For lectures and meetings for group projects

7. At first I found it very complicated as it was a new software for me and I found the downloading and logging in process was very long

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Interview 2: Saem, 35, Work and Income CSR, Studylink Officer 

1. Work and Income customer service representative/ StudyLink Officer

2. Call centre office environment  or working from home office 

3. iPhone, P.C.

4. Yes, during NZ’s nationwide lockdown - through online media and family 

5. Yes, for a job interview 

6. Work purposes 

7. Easy to use, simple intuitive interface

8. Zoom meeting calls - being able to easily have group zoom meetings

9. Being able to easily see who is in the meeting from a small device like a smartphone 

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Interview 3: Ashley Jeong, 23, UX Intermediate Designer at Flight Digital

1. I’m a UXUI designer at a marketing agency. Have been working at the agency for 2 and a half years. I am 23 years old.

2. Physical environment at work is very spacious and well equipped with everything I need. Workwise, I have client meetings and workshops in our meeting rooms or at my desk doing work on the computer.

3. I use a 27inch imac as my primary screen and a smaller secondary LG screen at work. 13inch macbook at home.

4. Yes I know Zoom. I came to know Zoom when I visited Korea last year when covid first hit and church had to be done on Zoom.

5. Yes, beginning of Feb 2020.

6. Only use it for church. Have used it once for work because the client insisted we use Zoom. Usually use google hangouts at work.

7. Kinda confusing at first. Mostly because video meetings weren’t the norm before covid.

8. Fast access to the zoom room once I had the room code and password.

9. The thumbs up or hand wave emoji is nice to use when everyone is on mute.

10. To be honest, I’m not a huge fan of Zoom. It used to be way faster but it’s very slow these days and laggy compared with google meet. I find the interface for google meets is easier and straight forward.

11. Nope. Currently doing masters and if we have class online we use gomeeting.

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Interview 4: Becky Jeong, 21, English Literature & Media Student

1. I am a 21 year old university student with a part time job. Studying a Bachelor of Arts degree, in my last year.

2. I go to my part time job every day, a Japanese restaurant on Upper Queen Street. I also attend my university classes. I go to the City Fitness gym in Albany a few times a week, and also attend church meetings or services. 

3. My Macbook air 

4. Yes I do. When we went into our first lockdown, we had to use it for uni classes and church.

5. Yes I have used it before. My first experience was when we had to have online classes for university.

6. We don’t use it for uni anymore, but we still use it at church for our daily 9pm prayer meetings.

7. It felt very unfamiliar because I hadn’t used some kind of video calling service in such a long time, especially in large groups.

8. Screen share was super helpful. I also like gallery view where we can see everyone rather than just the speaker.

9. At times I felt more connected to people because we could meet more frequently on Zoom more than we would meet in real life.

10. I don’t know about similar software. I only ever used video calling on my phone for brief calls and Zoom is already much more advanced than that.

11. Yes, we used it at uni. The features that were really useful were obviously the screen sharing so that we could see what the lecturer was referring to as they were talking, as well as the breakout rooms. We were in a class of 200, and then used the breakout room feature to split into groups of 4 or 5 to have discussions before coming back together. These features made online classes a lot easier and manageable. The chat feature was also useful because if a student had a question, we did not have to turn on our mic in the middle of class, but instead just ask on the chat.

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Interview 5: Sarah Lee, 20, Engineering Student

1. Student, 20 years 

3. Laptop

4. Through others 

5. Mid 2020

6. Attending online conference and meetings

7. awkward and uncomfortable lol

9. group meetings across the country and having new encounters from different cities

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Updated interview questions (student + lecturer) 

1. Tell me about yourself, your occupation and your age

2. What is your study/work environment like?

3. What device do you mostly use on a daily basis for educational purposes?

4. Do you know what Zoom is? Have you used Zoom before? If so, how did you come to know about Zoom? When was your first Zoom experience?

5. Have you encountered using Zoom the 2020 lockdown? Could you please tell us about your experience? 

6. What is your main purpose of using Zoom?

7. What was your first impression of using Zoom?

8. What was the feature you were most satisfied with during your experience?

9. What are some memorable feelings / situations you have experienced while using Zoom?

10. Would you bring a feature from any software into Zoom? What would it be and why?

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Harper

1. Harper, born in 1997. Currently studying at AUT

2. Study desk set up at home, university library because its newly designed and fancy

3. Laptop (macbook pro), imac in level 4 WE

4. Yes, I have used it before. During the lockdown my tutor introduced Zoom to us for virtual classes since we couldn’t come in physically. 

5. Nothing really special but being able to switch between gallery/speak view, chat, break out rooms is good. At first I felt comfortable because personally physical meetings are uncomfortable. But when I had to present my work on Zoom, I was stressed because sometimes the audio didn't work. 

7. Very simple and straightforward. I learned to use all of it in 1 class

8. Reactions and emojis. Also the pop out screen that minimises when you are in a different window, 

10. In blackboard there is a whiteboard feature where everyone can write something down. 

Describe Zoom in 1 word - ‘futuristic’. 

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1. Soumya, studying interaction design, 33 years old

2. Have own study space/desk at home

3. Laptop and phone: macbook pro and iphone

4. Yes I have. Started using it first last year due to uni through covid lockdown march 2020. 

5. My online experience was ok for the first time. It was engaging because of the break out rooms. It felt like in class where the lecturer jumped from each table. Peer to peer communication was good. It was quite awkward at times because only 2-3 people turned their cameras on, so very little social interaction. 

6. I use it for collab projects with my uni partner

7. Simple, functions are easy, but it would be better if it straight away shared the screen if you clicked on the button (right now there are too many steps) 

8. I was quite happy because I could finish and continue with my papers, way better than blackboard because you can't see who is speaking and all of the members. Zoom you can see everyone in the meeting

9. Share screen, reaction emojis are good as it lets people engage just like they are in a classroom

10. The break out rooms were great as I was able to have the 1:1 discussions and have engagement with the lecturer just as in real life. It was nice to have the time to catch up with classmates before class started.

11. For the chat, it would be nice to follow the facebook messenger system where there are separate chat boxes for different people. The current zoom chat system is confusing and can accidentally send to wrong people. 

1 word to describe: Reliable

For next week 

You should have completed your research 

You should have synthesized your findings into theme, then insights 

You should have several draft HMW statements to review. You will have some data! 

Be thinking about how you can present your research visually for your formative poster.

[drybonesawaken]

So, a lot more people than I anticipated reached out to me after my last post - thank you to those who are reading, whether or not you did talk to me about it. It means a lot to know that people care.

I figured I should do an update post - this isn't really a reflection but I haven't sat down and reflected in ages so it might turn into one - just to let people know how things are going.

This has been a really interesting experience for me. I can't bring myself to call it positive - but at the very least, I think I learned a lot.

I personally experienced mental health issues for the first time in my life. It sucked. But it brought me a lot closer to understanding how other people feel: I can see it from the inside now, whereas before I could only ever look in from afar.

I've been learning that I am not good at turning to God for things. These two months have been the epitome of self sufficiency - I might as well call it my love language at this point. But I've also been slowly learning to wrestle and turn to God, to others. Ehh maybe not much yet. But I'm trying to learn it, at least.

I've learned what it looks like to put on a mask, truly and effectively. (okay this is not a good thing lol. But I learned it and learning is good :^) heh) Stopping before walking into the t-center every week, wiping away tears, shaking my face like a dog, then putting on that normal Maple-face for others to see - it really really did feel like I was putting on a real mask - and it really really taught me... ..nothing. But now I know what other people mean by this phrase :)

I've been learning new techniques to distract myself. Tetris alone doesn't work anymore, because I can think/ponder while playing nowadays. So I've been listening to podcasts, sermons, standup comedy, all kinds of stuff while playing tetris, just to keep both my hands and my mind occupied. I've also been pushing my body to its limits with the amount of time I spend not alone (aka with people). Man, by the time LG starts meeting in person again, I think I'm gonna be a pro.

~~

Yeah... I don't know if I can say I've been doing that okay for these past few weeks. But it's now been about 2 months since divorce was brought up in my family, and the initial stages of pain are more or less past me, I think.

I decided to take a much needed hiatus from family obligations last month, so have been pretty much no contact with them outside of my brother, and it's given me more space to process and come to terms with things regarding my family, myself, and my relationship with God.

Work was especially difficult for a few weeks in July - which led me to be behind on many of my deadlines leading up to the end of the internship. But at the same time, work has been one of the most effective strategies of distraction for me, and that's been a really big blessing.

In the same ballpark, serving on worship team has been really good for me - just to be able to spend time distracted from things inside of myself and doing fun things to serve the church. I definitely haven't been serving for the right reasons, but I do think that it's been indirectly helping me to heal.

If I have been really bad at responding to your messages, I'm sorry...but I'm sure you've come to expect that of me at this point anyways :'). Keeping up with long distance relationships is something that has become even harder for me these past couple of months. (I can't tell - am I becoming more introverted or extroverted? Maybe I'm just becoming more disconcerted LOL)

~~

But in the end, I think things are on the upswing. About two weeks ago, I found myself humming for the first time since this all started. That's something small, but it was really encouraging for me at the time.

Then, last night I had a dream that included both my parents (as usual), but neither was the antagonist of the dream, for the first time since this all started as well. I woke up this morning really really relieved, instead of tired and sweaty. I don't know how, but I know God is doing work, and will continue to do work in my heart, until I can fully and genuinely turn back to Him.

So yeah, just wanted to update you guys that things are getting better for me - thanks for reading!

[blastron01]

Ascendance of a Bookworm – 051

Taking a Bath With Freida

I nervously watch the oven, wondering if this really is going to turn out alright. This pound cake is a dessert that uses liberal amounts of some very precious ingredients. Not only am I in someone else's house using someone else's ingredients, but this is also the very first sweet I'm making for Freida. I cannot mess up.

"Maine, is it done yet?" "How about we take a look?"

Ilse cracks open the oven, and I peer inside. I can see that it's puffing up quite nicely, but the back part of the cake seems to have browned more than the front.

"Miss Ilse, it looks like the back part is pretty well baked, so could you please turn it around?" "Sure," she replies.

She pushes the cake pan around in the oven, rotating it. Even if I were wearing the same sort of thick mittens she is, I definitely wouldn't want to stick my hands into that blazing oven. I'm impressed by the kinds of things professional cooks get used to.

Ilse shuts the oven door with a clack, then looks down at me. "How do you tell when it's done baking?" she asks. "Ummm, I'd usually check on it by sticking in something like a bamboo skewer; do you have any sort of long, thin rod with a pointy tip?" "Hmm, the first thing that comes to mind is the skewers we use for grilling meat."

After rummaging about for a little bit, she produces iron skewers, like you might stick vegetables or meat on at a barbecue. I've never seen anyone use iron skewers to check cake before, but, honestly, the only way to find out whether or not it'll work is to try it.

...These are going to leave behind some pretty big holes, but since I don't have any bamboo skewers, I don't have much of a choice, do I?

In the past, when I didn't have any bamboo skewers I used a cooking chopstick, so I think it'll probably be okay. Ilse quickly sticks the skewer into the cake. When she pulls it out and shows it to me, I can see that a bit of uncooked batter still clings to the rod.

"It looks like the inside's not cooked yet." "How can you tell that?" "See how some batter's stuck to the skewer? When it comes out totally clean, that's the sign it's done."

By the time the inside is fully cooked through, the top of the cake is starting to turn a fairly dark brown. I think the oven might be a little too hot. However, unlike the ovens I've used before, it's not easy to precisely control the actual temperature, so all I can do is entrust this to the experience of this trained worker.

"Hmm, I'll need to watch the oven more closely next time," murmurs Ilse.

She pulls the pound cake out of the oven. Once it's removed from its pan, it's revealed to be a fluffy, round, almost sponge cake-like cake.

"Amazing!" exclaims Freida. "Yeah," says Ilse, "this looks quite delicious."

As the two of them look at the finished pound cake with glittering eyes, an indescribable feeling of accomplishment wells up in my chest.

"It'll be really delicious if we cover it with a firmly wrung-out wet cloth so it doesn't dry out and then just let it sit for a couple of days, but how about we taste just a little bit right now?"

I ask Ilse to cut out a very slender slice from it, which I pick up with my fingertips and bring it to my mouth. Eating without a fork like this, before anyone else has been drawn to the kitchen by the smell, is the epitome of the kind of tasting that only those who make the dish can truly appreciate.

"Yeah, this tastes perfect."

I've only ever eaten this when it's in actual pound-cake shape, but even though it's just a circle, and even if the cake pan was an iron saucepan, the taste is all right. Ilse, accustomed to tasting things, takes the next little slice and pops it into her mouth.

"Huh, this is..."

Freida had been hesitating a little bit to pick up her own piece, but once she sees Ilse taste it, she hurriedly puts it in her mouth.

"Well now!"

Their eyes go wide when they taste it, then their heads swivel around to look directly at me. Their expressions look almost predatory, like the guild leader's did this morning.

...What's up with this... kinda creepy atmosphere?

It would probably be best if I escape from here before I get asked any awkward questions. I grab onto Freida's hand.

"Okay then, Freida! Let's bring this out as a dessert after a meal so that everyone can eat it too. Let's go take a bath next!"

As we exit the kitchen, I look back over my shoulder, remembering my manners.

"Thank you very much, Miss Ilse!"

The two of us didn't do very much real work when we were making sweets, but thanks to all of the sifting we did, the cuffs of our sleeves are stained with flour. Since we have more than plenty of time, let's go use the rinsham and get pretty.

When we exit the kitchen, the female servant who had helped me out earlier this morning is waiting for us.

"You two, before you two go running about, would you kindly take baths?" "Well now, Yutte," says Freida, "you're saying exactly the same thing Maine is."

Freida chuckles to herself as we walk. Yutte seems to have anticipated that making sweets would get us dirty and has already prepared baths for us. With a basket in hand containing changes of clothes, towels, and the jar full of rinsham, she guides us forward.

"This way, please."

She starts descending the staircase in the center of the house, but I just watch warily. At Benno's shop, the staircase in his inner office has a staircase like this one, so I know that it wouldn't be unusual for there to be a staircase leading down into the shop inside a merchant's home. Is it okay for me to walk down there, though? I quietly lean over to ask Freida.

"...Doesn't this staircase go down to the shop?" "It's okay," she replies.

Yutte passes the door that leads to the shop on the first floor, then goes down another flight of stairs. It seems we're going to some sort of basement room. At the bottom of these stairs are two doors, one very sturdy and splendid, and the other ordinary.

Yutte opens the splendid door, ushering us inside. The floor underneath my feet is warm enough that I want to say that it's got some kind of heating, and the room temperature is fairly high as well. There are two large tables here, covered with cloth, looking entirely like massage tables. (Later, I learn that I'm not at all wrong to think this.)

"Now then, please remove your shoes and clothing."

It seems like this is a combination massage parlor and changing room. Prompted by Yutte, I strip out of the clothes I'm wearing. Freida disrobes as well, with the help of Yutte.

Then, Yutte opens another door, revealing a bathroom that's about three by three-and-a-half meters in size.1 At the far wall sits an enormous bathtub, as big as a family-sized pool you'd see at a hot spring in Japan, able to comfortably hold two or three people. The wide floor is made out of something that looks at first glance to be white marble, as is the tub, which is filled with gently lapping hot water. Next to the tub is a statue of a young girl holding a pot, and from that pot pours a trickle of hot water. Matching the flow from the statue, a little bit of water runs out of the tub and, heated by that water, the rest of the room is quite warm. The ceiling is tiled, and the windows near the ceiling overflow with brilliant light. Thanks to the room being surrounded by gleaming white marble, the room gives off a very bright atmosphere.

"Whaaat?! What is this?!"

Taken aback by the utterly unexpected appearance of such a grandiose bath, I unintentionally yell out. My voice rings off of the smooth walls. Freida, seeing as how I'm frozen in place, staring through the opened door, chuckles mirthfully, walking past me into the bathroom.

"Heh heh heh, are you surprised? This is a reproduction my grandfather had made of the baths found in the houses of the nobility! It's not something that we use very often, but since tomorrow is my baptismal ceremony, he gave me special permission to use it." "So, baths... do exist..."

After more than a year without taking a bath, there's now one right before my eyes. On top of that, it's way bigger and more extravagant than Urano's was.

"They originally came from another country, and the nobles believe they they are good for your beauty and bodily health. Oh, just, please be careful, the ground is slippery."

Yutte, still clothed, follows us into the room. Only her apron has changed. It's made of a tough material that looks like it was picked under the assumption that it would get wet, and the skirt portion of it covers her entire lower body. The skirt is rolled up a bit so that it won't get wet, and part of it has been tied off.

Upon entering, she immediately starts washing Freida's hair, prompting me to hurriedly bring out the rinsham.

"Miss Yutte, when you wash her hair, please use this. You, um, pour it on like this..."

I try to explain to her how to use it, but her expression grows slightly troubled and she looks down at Freida.

"Yutte," says Freida, "would it be okay for Maine to wash my hair today?" "Oh, ummm," I say, "yes, is that alright?"

Yutte surrenders her spot to me, and I start to wash Freida's hair. Meanwhile, she rubs a wet towel against a bar of soap and starts scrubbing Freida's body.

"When you have a place like this to bath someone in and can use a lot of hot water, you can put the rinsham directly in your hands like this and then apply it to their hair. You need to be careful to use your fingertips when you're washing their scalp so that you don't poke them with your nails." "It's kinda ticklish," says Freida, "but it feels nice."

Freida's hair is most likely already being maintained by Yutte, I think. It was already smooth before I started, and glossy, too. There might not have been a need to use the rinsham to begin with.

Since there's a high chance that rich people have already established their own styles of cosmetology, I wonder if it might actually be kind of hard to sell rinsham?

I think about things like that as I continue washing Freida's hair. I wonder if I should inform Benno about this.

"Once you've washed all of the hair like this, then you rinse it out. Please take extra care to make sure all of it gets rinsed off of the scalp."

As I say that, Yutte pours a bucketful of water over Freida. When her entire body except for her head has been rinsed off, she quickly walks over to the bathtub and hops in. I stare blankly, wondering what in the world she's doing getting into the tub with shampoo still in her hair2, but she rests her head on the edge of the tub, letting her hair hang down. Then, Yutte starts carefully rinsing off the hair that dangles out of the tub.

Oh ho, is that how you wash someone's head? I'm glad I didn't immediately say "oh, I'll rinse you off" and dump a bucket of water on her. That would have been pretty awkward.

In the brief time it takes for me to marvel, wide-eyed, at how rich girls take their baths, Yutte finishes rinsing Freida's hair off. Truly, an environment where you can just splash water everywhere is magnificent.

Now that Freida's all clean, I reach out for the jar of rinsham so that I can wash my own hair. With a splash, Freida jumps out of the tub and runs up to me, looking at me with brilliant eyes.

"I want to try washing your hair, too!" "...I can do it myself, though?"

Is it okay for a rich little girl to do something like that?

I quickly glance over at Yutte, silently asking if this is a proper thing to do. She sighs lightly, then comes over to sit down next to me too.

"Well then, young lady, how about you help me? I'd like to practice how to use this 'rinsham' as well." "Excellent!"

She says she wants practice, but I'm pretty sure she's really there to fix up any mistakes that Freida might make. Thank you, Yutte.

The two of them wash my hair, big fingertips and little fingertips squirming against my scalp. It's almost painfully ticklish, but I manage to bear my way through it without bursting into laughter.

"Maine, your hair is so silky smooth," says Freida. "It's naturally very straight," I say, "so it's really hard to tie it back with a string since it just keeps slipping out. All I can really use to keep it up is my hairpin." "It's a mystery to me how a wooden stick like that can keep hair in place." "Hmmm, well, it was kind of a last resort, since I couldn't find anything else nearby that would work..."

When Yutte feels my hair is appropriately washed, she leaves Freida to continue working on that while she starts scrubbing my body. Since I can't really run away while Freida's still working on my hair, I have no choice but to sit there and let her do it.

"There, now you're all clean too," says Freida.

Freida, who has basically just been ruffling my hair for a while, seems satisfied with her handiwork and pulls back, and I reach for the bucket. However, Yutte quickly snatches it out of the way.

"Now then," she says, "I'll rinse your hair out for you, so please get in the bathtub." "B... but I can do it myself?" "You are a guest here, Maine. Please, go right ahead."

With a smile, she forces me forward, so I get into the tub like Freida had, resting my head on its rim. I let my hair hang down, and Yutte starts carefully rinsing it out. She pours warm water over it, gently shakes it out, and runs her hands along my scalp.

Ahhh, it's like a spa. This feels good...

I wonder if Yutte always helps Freida take her baths? Her practiced motions are very comfortable; at this rate, I might just drift off again...

"Hey, Maine," says Freida. "How do you wash your hair when you can't use a bathroom?"

Freida's question snaps me back awake in an instant. This is not a spa. I can't fall asleep here. I look around for her, moving only my eyes, and see that she's quietly slipped back into the tub next to me, her head resting on the side of the tub in the same pose as I'm in.

I look up, past the steam hanging in the air, at the patterns in the tile mosaic on the ceiling, then start explaining how I usually wash my hair.

"When you don't have a bathroom, you'd fill a bucket like that one about halfway full of water, then mix the rinsham into that. Then, you soak your hair in the bucket, and wash it in the liquid in there. Then you wipe off your hair over and over with a cloth to make sure no liquid remains, and then you comb it all out."

You first dilute the rinsham to the point where it should be more-or-less okay if you can't get it all out of your hair, then you wash it over and over, then you towel it off many, many times to make sure that there's no rinsham left over. Even this was a last resort, developed when I really wanted to wash my hair but had no access to a bath. If my family had a bathroom, this wouldn't have been a problem.

"Is rinsham your thing, Maine?" "No, Mister Benno has all the rights to it. He should be about ready to start selling it soon." "I see..."

Freida looks like she wants to say something, but before the words can leave her mouth, Yutte stops working on my hair.

"Should be all rinsed out by now, I think?" "Thank you very much," I reply, sitting up. "That felt really good."

Yutte stands up smoothly. "Now then, I'll be in the other room getting the next things ready. The two of you, please warm yourselves thoroughly." "Okay~!"

As soon as Yutte leaves the room, I slump down into the water, all the way past my shoulders. I scoop up some water, splash it over my face, and breathe deeply.

Ahhh... paradise.

"Maine, you look like you're melting," says Freida. "But this bath feels so good! It's so luxurious, being able to stretch out and soak all the way up to my shoulders like this." "You're pleased with it, then?" "Yeah, really!" I reply, my whole face breaking out into a smile as I nod. "I want to take one every day."

However, I can't see much of a smile of enjoyment on Freida's face.

"...Do you not like it, Freida?" "It's not that I dislike it, but, it's very hot, and when I get out my head starts spinning." "Oh, you're getting dizzy. You're staying in too long!"

I answer entirely by reflex, and Freida's eyes widen.

"Oh really? I was told to warm myself thoroughly, so I'm just staying in as long as I would in a normal bath, though?" "Well, in a normal bath, the water starts cooling off pretty quickly, you know? This tub, though, has that statue, which is constantly adding more hot water. So, if you stay in for the same amount of time, you'll get dizzy, and it'll feel bad. Why don't we try getting out a little early today?" "Let's do that."

Freida and I get out of the tub early. It's quite early by my own intuition, but Freida, thoroughly warmed up, is bright pink all over.

"Did it not feel good?" asks Yutte. "Are you okay?" "We're done for today," replies Freida.

After we exit the bathroom, Yutte tells us that she'll give us a massage with a perfumed oil, but I turn down the offer. I'd ordinarily be inclined to accept, but in my particular case, I won't be taking another bath anytime soon. After I return home, I don't know if I'll be able to clean it all off when Tory and I are scrubbing each other. I put on my clothes, dry my hair, and then watch Freida as she gets her massage.

"Massages... they're so refined," I say. "I don't particularly like how long all this takes, but my grandfather says that if I'm to enter noble society, I'd better get used to this kind of thing."

Ahhh, I finally get it. She got in the bath even though she thinks it's too hot and doesn't feel very good, and she's getting a massage even though she's making that slightly bothered face, all to practice for when she'll be joining noble society. I have absolutely no clue to what extent, but Freida's life must be very different to what it used to be.

"...Ah, I see. If you have the chance to get used to it, then you really should. There's definitely going to be big differences in common knowledge, manners, and so on, after all." "My grandfather said the same thing. That's why he's acquired a lot of things for this house that one might find in a nobleman's residence."

Corinna's premarital lifestyle probably wasn't that different from what it is now. I had thought that this house felt very different than hers had, despite the fact that they're both the houses of merchants, but it seems that the extravagance of the guild leader's house is not just because he's a wealthy merchant. The food, the bath, the various supplies, they're all of vastly superior quality here, and it seems that they're all things that the nobility have, gathered for Freida's sake.

"Wow, he dotes on you." "...He's investing in the future. He's planning a lot of things ahead, making it so that I won't run into any problems when I open my shop in the noble's district, and so that we'll be able to make use of the foothold we'll finally get there."

Freida purses her lips, looking slightly dissatisfied. I certainly don't think that Freida's view is wrong, but all this is definitely not something done without any love at all.

"It's your dream to open a store, Freida, and isn't he helping you out with that? When your grandfather ordered your hairpins, what I saw in him was a man who saw nothing but his granddaughter." "...Oh."

Does Freida, perhaps, really long for other people?

She couldn't go outside very often while she was sick with the devouring, and when she was finally freed from that she was immediately contractually bound to a nobleman. Since it's been decided that she'll be that nobleman's concubine, she'll be living for that reason, and making friends might be very difficult in such wildly different circumstances.

To live in noble society, she'll need to learn to be both stubborn and calculating, and she also needs to learn everything she'll need to know in order to manage her own shop by the time she grows up. I'm positive she spends every single day studying hard, all for her own sake, with the pressure of her very life, her future livelihood, and the expectations of her family weighing down on her. I think this must be an enormous burden for a little girl to have to bear. On top of that, although her family is spending a lot of money on her, it's obvious that they're operating out of their own self-interest, so she can't just quietly sit back and depend on their care.

Is that why she's so attached to me?

We both have the devouring, we're both already involved in business despite not yet being baptized, and if Lutz is to be believed then we both let our weird hobbies run wild. We seem to be quite similar. Compared to the other kids, we have a lot in common, and there's no denying that we get along pretty well. Is that why she wants to trap me?

"Maine, this is amazing. My hair's so smooth!"

While I was spacing out, Freida finished her massage, got dressed, started running her fingers through her hair, and raised her voice in wonderment. Yutte, in the process of neatly combing it out, lifts up a lock of Freida's hair as well.

"Yes, it's turned out quite well." "I'm happy you like it!" I say. "I hope it's enough of a thank-you for letting me use your magic tool?" "Oh my, you already paid me for that, so you don't need to worry about that, right?"

Smiling wryly at Freida's very merchant-like words, I shake my head.

"I really felt like I wanted to thank you. If the guild leader hadn't collected all of those magic tools for your sake, then even if I had a lot of money, I wouldn't have been able to do anything anyways." "...I guess you're right."

We leisurely finish up in the bathroom and head back upstairs. When we arrive, a delicious smell is once again wafting out of the kitchen. It seems Ilse is tackling her second pound cake.

"I finally have a new recipe," she chuckles, with a trustworthy smile, "so I have to make sure I memorize it!"

I'm thrilled that a tasty recipe is spreading, so I can definitely support this.

"Ilse," says Freida, "since you're making a new one, it'll be okay for Maine and I to eat the one we made earlier, won't it? I'd like to enjoy some tea with her, please make some for us." "I'll bring it out in just a bit."

As we move to the dining room for tea, Lutz arrives, just in time.

"Hey, Maine! I smell something amaaazing."

I chuckle to myself over how sharp his nose is when it comes to smelling sweets. Lutz, though, turns to face me, narrowing his eyes and peering at me very closely.

"What's up, Lutz? Is something wrong?" "Uh, Maine. Did you kinda overdo it today? You got way too excited about your fever going down, didn't you? Go get some sleep, like, now. You're going to get another fever from exhaustion." "Huh? Huh? You're kidding. I feel great, you know?"

I pat my face, tilting my head doubtfully, but Lutz only scowls and shakes his head.

"You're just too excited to notice it. You're not looking so good." "Oh my," says Freida, "but her fever from the devouring has gone away, and all we've done today was bake sweets and take a bath, you see?"

Freida, backing me up, lists off what we did today, her head tilted to one side. Lutz rubs frustratedly at his temples, sighing.

"...Alright. Freida, when you don't have the devouring, you're a pretty healthy person. When Maine doesn't have the devouring, she's still really frail. Whether she collapses because of the devouring or because of exhaustion, it's fast enough that anyone who's not familiar with the signs won't see it coming."

At those words, Freida and I spontaneously exchange a look.

"Maine, is that true?!" "Freida, you're not really weak?!"

It seems like we'd arbitrarily decided we understood each other. Freida thought that since my devouring was gone I was perfectly fine, and I thought that the devouring had left Freida just as weak as me so I should be fine if I just kept up with what she did.

"I don't really know what a bath involves, but anyway, since it was your first time, and you wanted to show Freida a good time, you put in a lot of effort, right?" "Urgh... It wasn't a lot of effort..."

It's the undeniable truth that I've been feeling a little pressured this entire time, on top of being convinced that if Freida was doing okay then I must be doing okay too.

"You look like you've been moving around way too much today. Don't take your own weakness too lightly. You really are weak, remember?" "You don't need to keep calling me weak like that!" "It's true, isn't it? Aren't you supposed to come home tomorrow during the baptism ceremony? If you get sick again here, your family's going to get really mad, you know?"

If, after getting help in curing the devouring, I run around a whole lot doing various things to try to show my thanks, then straight-up collapse with another fever as a result, I'd be throwing the favor right back in their face. My father, who's looking forward to me getting well and coming home, would be very angry, my mother would scold me endlessly for being such an enormous bother to Freida, and Tory would just be flabbergasted. "Why can't you just be good for once?" she'd say.

"Aaaarnghh..." "He's absolutely right," says Freida. "You're here under my supervision, so I can't let you ruin your health on my behalf. Maine, please, go rest. Alright?"

When Freida says that to me, a worried look on her face, I give the two of them a big nod.

"Okay, I will. Thanks, Lutz, for telling me. ...Freida, sorry, but, would you mind splitting that 'pound cake' with Lutz?" "Yes, of course. Yutte, please help Maine get back to her room." "Certainly, miss."

I'm led back to the guest room, and when I lie down on the bed, I'm suddenly keenly aware of how exhausted I actually am. My entire body goes limp. It seems that the slight hotness I've been feeling isn't actually from having been in a bath for the first time in ages.

That's Lutz for you. It just took him one look...

This was my first time in Maine's body working under the pressure of failure while making those sweets, and my first time in an actual hot tub instead of bathing as I normally do, so I had no idea how to adjust for that, I think.

Not only was I nervous about being in someone else's house, but just as Lutz said, I was in way too high spirits.

Wrapped up in the soft, comfortable bedding and the warmth of my own body, my consciousness immediately drifts away.

Translator's notes for this chapter:

1. The room is described as being about the size of a 6-tatami room, which is about 2.73m x 3.64m. I've rounded to preserve the feel of the estimate. 2. When bathing in Japan, you wash and rinse yourself off completely before entering the bathtub itself. That way, the bathwater stays clean so that you and others can enjoy relaxing in it.

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[gksunflowers-blog]

signs as people I know (check moon and sun signs)

aries: passionate about finding new ways to show love and create love with others, willing to put themselves down so others feel better, warm hugs, prefers music without words because they understand the message better without words telling them, will drive you to IHOP at midnight because you forgot to eat dinner, they care about literally fucking everyone, easily accept that change is unavoidable, their exuberant energy can seem very intimidating, outgoing, try to do the right thing, excessive with literally everything (its okay ily), ardent, hate waiting for shit to happen, want the quickest and easiest way out of everything, their passion can be destructive and actually detrimental.

taurus: art is abundant in their safe place, trying their best tbh, will put aside time that they need in order to help someone else, dislikes close minded people, sleeping prolly, has music too loud but they will tell you its not loud enough, thinks a shit ton about wether or not people like them but will never tell you that, actually very confident people, dont really care about what people think of them but also cares a shit ton about what people think of them, so fucking loyal and expect nothing in return, can complain a lot actually, loyaloyaloyal, hate it when others see them cry, tries to ignore their problems because they dont have enough time to deal with them (get it together, hoes), need more time for self-reflection

gemini: can make anyone easily laugh, knows whats in and whats out, veryyyy generous people, pretty smiles, has good music taste because they listen to all types of music, relatable, seems very unattached to reality at times, doesn;t give up something/someone if they really love them, will cook for you willingly, they are too cool for drama but typically start drama, will spend their whole night talking to you about future goals they have and the most random shit, life of the party, if you want to instantly laugh hang around a gemini, don;t consider other people in their decisions sometimes, will remove themselves of negative situations because there is nothing they hate more than negative people;

cancer: hold a very warm and gentle soul, can push people away because they tend to be very possessive but that is how they show love, they need a two year break, tries really hard to be relatable, let people walk over them without realizing, they love to pamper themselves to show love to themselves, you feel safe in their home, trusts people really easily, can get very broken and in a bad place if you betray them so please don;t honestly, when they;re angry it can show physically (red face, angry tears, etc), can be very dramatic, try to help others with confidence and self-esteem, will be there for you even if you arent there for them, oblivious to shitty people sometimes which results in trust issues;

leo: can be independent when they are comfortable in the situation, want the best for everyone, will defend you when you’re not there, will block you if you annoy them, just want someone to chill with, flirty!!!!, easily get excited over the smallesttttt things, knows when to change the subject, beautiful souls, these are the type of people you should go to last minute plans with (concerts, road trips, etc), just wanna have fun and look amazing while doing it, need/deserve love and attention from loved ones, gives you food if you forgot your lunch at home, makes jokes out of their pain, pure beauts with good hearts that will try to believe in the best of everyone, not afraid to be petty, main hoes.

virgo: will try to avoid being honest with you because they don’t want to hurt you, is taken advantage of too often, will bring you a cookie if youre having a bad day, courteous, organized, the person that always smiles at strangers just because, not really sure what they want out of life, can be very whiny, always want to be doing something to pretend like they have it together, if they are your friend please take advantage of how supportive they are to you, will very randomly give you compliments that can literally save your life because they;re always very thoughtful, amazing listeners, capable of fulfilling their dreams if they believe in themselves too, having boundaries is okay and you deserve to respect them if you want to;

libra: passionate about making others lives better, cuddle bugs, energetic, gives their time to anyone who actually listens to them, thinking outside of the box, probably really pretty, kind souls but a tough exterior, wears sweats to the store because who honestly cares, makes jokes with people on line at checkout, they probably have a tradition to cook breakfast on saturdays, knows how to look good and feel good, once they find their self-worth not a fucking bull-dozer can take it down, please try to fight them on facebook because you will lose, gentle people and will try to make you feel at home (problem: they don;t know how), quiet but their minds are spinning, need to learn to say no;, stop worrying about what others think of you (who gives a shit??), hate silence and being alone, queens.

scorpio: very honest but also very petty without shame, fun and funny, blasts old jams in their car while trying their very best to avoid accidents, hates high school and loves college, just want to find a group that they fit in with, will try their best to make your birthday amazing I swear, open minded to literally everything honestly, critical friend, will tease you about something that happened five years ago, a total nerd about things they really like, very smart and efficient if they are motivated by their passion, unique style in all ways, beautiful minds, they can come across as two-faced but they are very indecisive when it comes to opinions, embraces new experiences, secretive;

sagittarius: flirty and prolly is dating someone right now, wants everyone to be happy but forgets about making themselves happy, cooks pancakes for you at midnight on a Wednesday night, will almost cry but then remembers a funny video they saw and starts to laugh, hates themselves but shows themselves a lot of love, makes jokes out of their pain, lovable, look intimidating but are actually very welcoming, hides emotions like a pro, very optimistic about literally everything, if they get bored or annoyed they will move on from you, need to believe in themselves, don;t express gratitude but they really should, seemingly perfect(?), can sometimes compare themselves to others in order to make themselves feel better (stop.)

capricorn: doesnt study (yes I'm onto you bitch) for tests but still gets amazing grades, can be very fake but honest with people they are close to, traditional without trying, will be there for you, they are very observant and will remember if you did something that meant a lot to them, honestly needs a hug and affection a lot more than they say, takes long hot showers to make up for the lack in physical affection, lovely people, good people to sit with in the back of the movie theater so that you can talk the whole time, will accidentally spill tea and start drama, trying their best, work well with people who have a good drive for things they are passionate about,doesnt express emotion unless they cant hold it in any longer

aquarius: so fucking funny, constantly trying to be a better person in order to make up for the shitty world, watches documentaries about the sex industry, sticks to their morals, thinks a lot about life and the meaning of all of this, thinks (knows) the government is hiding something, will kill you if you hurt an animal, super chill and loves music, passionate, indecisive to the extreme, smokes weed to see if food tastes differently, interesting individuals, if they don't open up to you it's because they don't know how, if you mean a lot to them they will try to protect you from the world, is hard on you because they want you to succeed, moves from one passion to the other (you guys are super adaptable if need be), an amazing friend if they choose to put effort into the friendship

pisces: very confused about life and that makes them very sad, easily unstable, cries about failing a lot, not judge mental, hates it when people accuse them of something they didnt do, beautiful people with caring hearts that let in people who shouldnt be let in, offer you a hug if they see you upset in any way, wants people to like them, trying to find who they are, tend to let people laugh at their pain, shuts down their feelings when they feel attacked, doesnt purposely hurt anyone, will change themselves in order to be accepted,these people lose themselves too easily, once they find out who they are they are very stable and more content

[snarktheater]

Shadowhunters S2 — Episode 9

You know what we need after leaving on "Clary could be used to trigger a weapon of mass destruction" last episode? Opening this one on Clary and Simon making out! Don't get me wrong, it's a cute enough scene and the actors manage to summon some great chemistry, but it's just kind of…in the way.

Oh, and also, Jace walks in on them just as they're in the process of taking off their clothes, acting like your typical alpha male as usual. But before he and Simon can start pulling out their dicks and measuring, Clary's hands starts turning black and charred.

Meanwhile at Magnus's apartment. Alec angsts about what might happen to the Downworlders, including Magnus. Magnus doesn't care about potential genocide, though.

"I know things may seem bleak, but…nothing was as devastating as seeing you standing on that ledge."

He even claims the magic that drove Alec to nearly jump to his own death could only have worked on already-existing fear, so maybe it's all already there.

Their moment doesn't last, since Clary comes asking for help about her hand. It's part of Iris's blood oath, meaning Clary has to find Madzie before the magic reaches her heart. Jace immediately asks if there's a way to undo it (there isn't), but…honestly, why aren't they trying to find Madzie? If only out of being decent people and because it'll lead them to Valentine, the guy they need to stop from committing genocide? It's unsurprising to up the stakes like this, but still, it should have already been the plan, shouldn't it?

They get Luke's help to look for Madzie where she was first abducted, since they now have Iris in custody and willing to cooperate. Also, Clary insists to have Simon come along, which Jace is against, because he does a really poor job at hiding his jealousy.

As she goes fetch Simon, Clary gets attacked by a random werewolf, but she fights it off surprisingly well. It's Maia, and she attacked because…she overheard the Soul-Sword talk and decided that getting rid of Clary was an easier way to solve the issue. Which, fair enough. But also…why are you so intent on making Maia as antagonistic as possible, show?

"You think this is easy? You know me, you know I don't want to hurt anybody!"

Really? Because I'm pretty sure that's about half of your appearances so far where you tried to murder a main protagonist in cold blood.

Anyway, this interruption basically means Luke has to stay behind and make sure the rest of the pack (and possibly the rest of Downworld) doesn't follow Maia's example. So we're left with the love triangle to go after Madzie.

Cut to Valentine's new hideout…a carnival, because horror clichés or something. He exposits that he will raise Madzie to be loyal to him. Oh, and also, he wants Dot (who's…still alive?) to cast some spell, but she can't because of all the experiments Valentine did to her, so he tells Dot to teach Madzie instead.

Back to the protagonist. They find traces of Valentine kidnapping Madzie through Portal, and keep investigating the scene for some reason, even though a Portal should mean there isn't much of a trace to follow. But on the plus side, there's a random homeless guy there who just happens to have picked up Madzie's shirt. But he won't give it up until Simon suggests trading it for Jace's jacket, because…I guess that justifies Simon's presence?

So they now track her, but Jace deduces that if Valentine hasn't blocked out tracking her, it might be a trap. And hey, that's a good point! How about you leave Clary behind so Valentine doesn't have what he needs? I mean, sure, Jace also has angel blood and could activate the Sword, but they don't know that, so having Clary walk into a trap that they know is a trap when they have alternatives is just ridiculous. Unless the blood oath means Clary has to be there when Madzie is freed?

At least Clary tells the boys they can't let Valentine take her alive. Of course, considering she's with her love triangle, that is probably not going to work out. Oh sure, Jace promises, but I have some serious doubts about his ability to follow up on that promise.

Anyway, let's take a break from the main plot to head into a subplot that I didn't even know what going on, but apparently is.

The Downworld council meeting subplot

Because that's a thing, apparently. And unfortunately there's some setup before we get to it.

First is Isabelle. She's summoned by Aldertree, who congratulates her on her apparent recovery from yin fen addiction. So…he knew about the addictive element of it too? How much more of an asshole does this guy get?

Well, of course there's an answer: he asks her out to dinner. When she gracefully turns him down, he immediately grabs her wrists and more or less says he won't take no for an answer. Because what girl wouldn't go for he guy who pushed drugs on her?

Alec actually comes ask Aldertree what's wrong with Isabelle, because he's also realizing that something is…well, wrong. Aldertree either doesn't realize there's a connection with the yin fen or is actively trying to harm her.

"Isabelle is more than capable of handling herself."

Cut to…Isabelle hanging out with Raphael and learning to cook from him. Because he cooks for his sister's church community every Sunday, dark backstory, boo hoo, cry for the brooding boy. Yeah, I'm finding it hard to care. Oh, and of course the scene concludes with Isabelle manipulating him into biting her again. But hey, the showrunners are totally saying that Raphael is asexual on Twitter, so I guess the romantic/sexual framing of the scene is completely coincidental! (Hint: it's not)

Anyway, Luke, Raphael and Magnus meeting with Meliorn in the one bar in New York to discuss the situation. Meliorn has been scarred for helping Clary in season one, and he and his followers are wearing armor, which is bad news on some vague-ass level because it means war.

Anyway, the reason Luke brought them here is to tell them about the Soul-Sword, and about Valentine needing Clary, because he's that stupid. So…yeah, Meliorn immediately suggests killing Clary.

"This council is biased. You've allowed yourself to become too involved with Shadowhunters."

I mean…that's true. Although how does he know about Raphael and Isabelle?

"I'd recognize that perfume anywhere."

Also, Meliorn flat-out says Raphael has "feelings" for Isabelle, and Raphael clearly acts jealous that Meliorn has a history with her, so…again, so much for him being good ace representation in the show. Also, Meliorn taunting him leads Raphael to side with him on the issue of killing Clary.

After the meeting, Magnus calls Alec after the meeting because he knows where Isabelle is. Turns out he's connected the dots between Isabelle's supposed investigation into yin fen trade and being with Raphael, and he tells Alec about it all. So Alec rushes into Raphael's place to get Isabelle out.

But Raphael reveals that Aldertree is the one who got Isabelle addicted in the first place.

"I was only trying to help." "By drinking her blood?" "It may have started with the blood but it's more complicated than that, all right? I care about her. […] I have feelings for her."

Again…great aroace representation.

Alec just wails on Raphael until Magnus magically stops him, but now Alec's angry that Magnus didn't tell him about the yin fen, even though he genuinely thought Isabelle wasn't using it. Alec leaves with Isabelle, while Magnus claims Raphael doesn't really have feelings for Isabelle, he's just confusing that with his addiction for her blood. Is that how you're going to try and get away with it?

Meanwhile, Isabelle's angry at Alec and blames it for not noticing something was wrong…even though he did…and she tells him to leave. Which…he does, for some reason, and she goes away, presumably back to Raphael.

Okay, that's all for this subplot.

Back to the main plot

They get close to their destination, and the boys leave Clary alone in the car to have a talk about how neither of them could kill Clary, so Jace decides to go alone instead while Simon protects Clary. Jace pretends to agree, but as soon as Simon's distracted by Luke calling about the meeting, Jace goes off on his own anyway, because this whole cast is characters who just can't work with anyone else ever.

So Simon's left guarding Clary in the car (or…on top of the van because Clary wants to see the stars one last time before she dies), and they angst together. Simon tries to insist that they do something more proactive, but Clary insists that they stay put and trust Jace, which is actually surprising of her.

Instead we get melodrama.

"If I don't make it—" "Stop. You will. You have to. Think about it, I mean…the dashing, handsome Jewish boy finally admits to his best friend how he feels after a lifetime and she dies a week later? That's too sappy. Like a real-life Fault in Our Stars." "That's not the plot of that book at all!"

Hey, Clary, you can't snark at Simon's dialogue, that's my job!

Meanwhile, Valentine takes Madzie to a restaurant where she shows off her magic, and that's when Jace catches up with them.

"How fatherly. I didn't know you had it in you."

Jace tells her about the blood oath, and threatens to let Clary die if Valentine doesn't let Madzie go.

Back to Clary and Simon, with Clary almost dead from the magic and about to pass out. Jace arrives just on time with Madzie, and when Clary touches her, the spell is broken. So I guess Clary did have to be there. Huh. Would have been nice to know. But who cares about that, let's focus on Simon and Jace's relief and how it gives them a moment of being nice to each other. After all, Clary's only the person who nearly died!

Oh, also, Madzie opens a Portal and kidnaps Clary back to the carnival. Because Valentine is just that good at convincing people. Also, that's…how many times this season?

The boys angst about losing Clary again, and…you know what? Why don't they have anything of Clary's to track her down? Hell, why isn't it standard Shadowhunter protocol to carry something belonging to your partners for this kind of situation? Even if Valentine can block it, it would be nice if they'd actually figured out this basic strategic element by now.

But there's more trouble afoot: a vampire and a Seelie from Valentine's zoo attack a mundane to do…something, probably with the Soul-Sword. And as Alec shows us at the Institute, this is happening all over the city, so the Shadowhunters are a little busy dealing with that right now. Luckily, Simon figures out how to find Clary…but we're not shown how. They just…find another potential victim and save her, and interrogate the vampire who just ran away. And yes, it's the same. And no, I don't know how they found him. Did I miss something?

So they reach the circus, while Alec coordinates a search for Clary against Aldertree's orders, using his pushing drugs on Isabelle as blackmail material.

"Supplying yin fen to a subordinate…an ex-field medic should know better."

Alec is now in charge, basically.

Meanwhile, Jace makes it to Clary, but Valentine and Madzie show up, and Madzie stops Jace. Simon shows up and acts as a distraction…for five seconds before Valentine gets the upper hand on him. So now Valentine leaves with Simon as a hostage to make Clary do his bidding.

Maia's subplot

I didn't know where to put this, honestly.

After Maia tried to kill Clary, Luke locks her up in a closet, which he knows is horrible because she's claustrophobic. She goes as far as to beg and promise she won't go after Clary anymore, and Luke…does it anyway. Also, this closet is in Luke's restaurant, so really, why can't she just make noise until someone frees her?

"I thought you were different."

A sentence that may be more meaningful if you'd actually established Maia's history of abuse.

Anyway, she starts panicking, and…remember how the shift is tied to emotions? Yeah, she starts shifting and wrecking the place. Shocking, I know. Cut to later in the episode, where she's broken out, grabs a coat, and…what? I'm not really sure. She leaves footprints on the floor, but it's not clear if it's blood or something else from the closet she was locked up in, and there's a guy working at the restaurant seemingly unaware, so I'd assume she didn't kill anyone? It's just a weird segue and I have no idea where it's going. Hopefully into the next episode?

Conclusion

As far as Shadowhunters episodes go, this is probably on the better end of the spectrum, which probably has to do at least partly with how little of the original books is in it. And yet…between Isabelle and Raphael's non-romance, and Maia's treatment in general, it still manages to make me angry.

Also, can we go for a while without any more kidnappings and hostage-takings? This is frankly getting repetitive. And you can't even tell me Valentine needs a vampire and a werewolf like he needed in the books, since he has a whole zoo of Downworlders, as Jace called it. So it has to be that Simon's a hostage, right?

Well, who knows. Hopefully we'll find out next time, unless they decide to end season 2a on a cliffhanger too. Of course, since the second half of the season begins tomorrow, we won't have to wait that long either way.