#it's okay to create things just because

[spacegirlspiffy]

Having hit 10k words I feel like I should say something about my NaNoWriMo project this year. 10k isn't a lot, but it's more than I've managed the last few times. Whenever I try to talk about it to anyone though all I can say is it's garbage.

There's sort of a plot, but only if you squint. Half the characters lack a physical description of any kind. There's nothing likable or endearing about the MC. And about a third of the writing is talking. It's garbage.

But here's the thing, I'm really proud of it for being garbage.

I used to write all the time, used to love creating worlds and characters and sharing them with others. But over the years and the trauma I let that joy be robbed from me. I couldn't write anything without immediately tearing it apart. It stopped being fun, so I stopped pursuing it.

This year I gave my permission to write garbage. To not to get hung up on anything and just get the words out. Maybe it will turn into something salvageable. Maybe it's the gross water that has to be flushed from the pipes before it runs clean again. I don't think it matters either way.

So yeah. My NaNoWriMo project this year is garbage and I'm happy about that.

[drmelking]

My favorite part of The Pitt is every single doctor desperately vying for Robby’s attention and approval and then there’s Whitaker who looks like he wants to scurry off into the walls or crumple into a puddle and disintegrate every time Robby so much as glances his way and so of course that’s who Robby decides to be like “that’s him. that’s my new favorite white boy” with

[scriblesandbits]

So god created us in his image, right? And that’s cool and all but what if it turns out god, like, hates his own image??? What then????

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance

[until-another-one-comes]

I can't rewrite this season but if it was up to me, I'd still have the Umbrellas sacrificing themselves to save the timeline and at the end we see the Umbrellas still alive, but they're all living different lives and perhaps with varied ages to show that its not their existence that caused the timeline to get fucked up, but the marigold that started everything.

The Umbrellas were always meant to exist and live, but it was the marigold that caused the timeline getting muddled and disrupted their existence. Without it, the Umbrellas (and every other kids that were created by the marigold) were able to be born and live their lifes normally like they were always meant to.

Would it still have a lot of plotholes? Yes. Would it make sense? Perhaps not but at least its better than what they implied with the ending which is very upsetting and dangerous the longer you think about it.

[qoldenskies]

actually genuinely depressing that when people write april's mom as an actual character she's just kind of a one note Good Caretaker Mom... and like i know why this happens (let the the mammy trope dieee) but i still think there's a lot of untapped potential. im not saying she has to be a BAD parent but there are infinitely more interesting things you can do with april and her relationships with her parent(s), especially because she's WROUGHT with insecurity and is shown to develop a close bond with splinter, who she seeks out approval from, not to mention the absence of her likely working parents is so loud despite it never being mentioned as a reason for her issues, really.

april can take on the front of confidence because she's excitable and courageous but she is so deeply insecure. her being so tenacious despite that doesn't negate it. she notices how she doesn't seem to get along with other people and desperately desires balance between her love of the weird and her need for normalcy. april will work hard to fit in and she'll never succeed (also i really do relate to the fact that the one "friend" she has at school before likely sunita is kind of a creep that she doesn't like, can we talk about that more), and she does seem to find it frustrating that her only actual friends dont understand how that feels. being in the in-between point. wanting the best of both worlds and not truly fitting in either.

i think these are problems that can come with having a bad social life at school even with great parents, but unintentional emotional neglect due to being working class would be interesting, and parallel with splinter in a really fascinating way (+ they do say she has parents but i do prefer the idea of her having a single mom, more to be done with that. maybe they're divorced? that'd add something).

actually april's dynamic with splinter is really unexplored in the fandom because i do think there's a reason she finds his approval so validating,,, i think april's strong personality is mistaken for genuine confidence when it's really not.

SHE THINKS SHE'S A FAILURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rbtlvr]

& by the way i literally CONSTANTLY think about how loop uses the partys titles to create distance to remind themself that those arent 'their versions' of them. that theyre not loops party anymore. and yet and yet and yet

[grabowskibeepboop]

Why does seeing bottom draco content feel so offensive?

Like I'm well aware that people can ship things differently and most of the time when I see something I don't agree with or don't like I just ignore and go about my day, but for Draco Malfoy I feel deeply offended, mostly on his part but partly on mine too because there are so few people who agree with me, but like, why does it offend me so much? I just feel like it's a big mischaracterization (which would be fine by itself even if it is, but it feels just so other worldly to me when it's with Draco and it's about whether he's submissive or not)... Idk maybe it's because he's been used and tossed around by dark forces almost all his life and I just want him to have more, if not all the control he can have, but even then, your role in the bed doesn't translate to how much control you have in your life, but it just feels so selfish of people to toss Harry with his "rough hands" (idk if he canonically has rough hands but I just hate the description, top Harry doesn't offend me as much, I can imagine him being dominant with women, but I still don't really like it especially if it's with Draco. The selfish part also applies to Harry but I know it's not the character's fault when fanfic writers write them in a way that doesn't appeal to me) on him and make him endure even more control over him and now even over his body (I haven't read the books yet, idk if he goes though physical trauma but if he does my opinion gets even stronger), and it all just feels... Evil... Idk why... And even if he likes it, that just doesn't feel right to me.

Bottom Draco Malfoy is not the Draco Malfoy from the story I love, at least to me... I'm not saying you should stop thinking and portraying him as one (even though I would love that), because I know how much something like this can matter to someone, again, it matters to me so much I'm writing this post. I'm just saying this so that if there's anyone else out there who feels similar or the same, please say something, I have no idea why it hurts me so much whenever I see or read about Draco getting railed but it does... I genuinely think we need a proper tag that we can signal things like this with so that the other one can be blocked, because people who think Harry is on top don't use "harry tops draco" like we use "draco tops harry" because they don't have to, that's the default mindset for some goddamn reason... Idk, I just wanted to say this because I keep blocking perfectly innocent people just because of this, even people whose arstyle I adore, but unfortunately what they draw just infuriates me and it's not their fault...

[moonspirit]

I wanted to share this breathtaking cover art @annawayne gifted me for VBEOW's 1 year anniversary in June T___________T Words cannot describe my emotions every time I look at this - and I look at it a lot.

Not to sound repetitive or annoying, but I want to think I'm trying to tell a story about the Ambassadors learning to enjoy life and living, post rumbling. So there's silliness, unhealed trauma, heartache, laughter, love and loss. But as much as all of this exists only because of SnK and the characters themselves, VBEOW is a story that is deeply affected by the surroundings they live in, and the world of Kald.

And Anna, you've captured it to perfection. Every time I look at these mountains, these clouds, these green, green meadows and this sparkling lake you've drawn, I feel so overwhelmed. There is no limit to the talent you possess and the love you put into everything you do. This story is far too big for me at this point, but you have conquered everything about it on this canvas and I'm in pure awe of how you did that. You're an incredibly talented artist, a beautiful artist, an irreplaceable friend and person, and I am in eternal gratitude for the time and effort you put into this. I'll never ever be able to repay you for this beauty. This is one of the most valuable and priceless gifts I've ever received.

Thank you so much T////////T You're so important to me. And you're so important to everyone in this fandom (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

[sweaterkittensahoy]

"it was all inevitable, anyway! Everything Trump has done would have happened!"

Great bed time story. You want your binky and your blanky and your stuffie to go to sleep you fucking baby.

It wasn't inevitable; you've just run of out excuses to justify why you fucked all of us for your stupid fucking moral superiority.

"But the third party votes weren't enough for Kamala to win!"

True. So this one also goes out to all the non-voting fucksticks who thought that not voting was the true act of resistance that would bring about the grand leftist overthrow of the government. Tell me, when your grand leftist overthrow happens, you gonna murder people out loud like Stalin or very quietly like Mao? Because, frankly, that's all you want. The chance to be the fucking fascist in charge.

Go to sleep, baby. Maybe tomorrow you'll wake up to a shitty diaper you can blame on a fucking ghost.

[ohmigoshiloveu]

Okay so like. I still haven't managed to get myself to finish episode 9, so I don't fully know how Theo's glow up finishes, but regardless I fucking love relistening to Emizel's section of episode 1 and like. Fuck man Theo does a lot of growing. Like he's a little bit pathetic at the beginning of the series. He's so, so brave during the alleyway fight, but he sounds shaky and scared and like a sopping wet pathetic baby the entire time. Charlie specifically describes him as not very alert, not a great fighter, and gives him this little moment where it takes him a second to manage to crush a soda can. He botches the check to beat Emizel in Smash Bros so there's a chance he sucks at the related skills (dexterity and computers I think?), but also after he loses Charlie specifically has him sound super frustrated and conclude that he should've 'stayed in his lane'. When Emizel says 'We'll do what we do best,' and Theo immediately responds with 'drink soda?' so fast that the other players notice it. Charlie might've had that as a predetermined character thing. Theo drinks soda. There's not much else to him.

Which creates this interesting dynamic between him and Emizel, because Emizel is so much better at him at all of these skills that the people around them (a FUCKING GANG) value. Emizel's perceptive, and agile, and strong, and a great fucking fighter irl and in videogames AND he always sounds badass. He's the top dog, the apex predator in their social circle. And I think that colors their relationship a lot? Like Theo has to look up to Emizel. I bet that Theo's looked up to Emizel since they first met, maybe Emizel came crashing into his life doing something epic and Theo thought it was the greatest shit ever.

On the flip side, I was getting a few hints of resentment? Hear me out! It's that 'should have just stayed in my lane' line. He's painfully aware how great Emizel is, compared to how much he's (from his perspective!) just a one trick pony. He's here to drink soda and say funny things, that's all most people want from him and he fucks up whenever he tries to do anything else!

And later in the segment Theo snarkily brings up a medicine check that Emizel had just fucked up in like this super backhanded, super passive aggressive way. That could be him wanting to rub Emizel's one singular fuck up in his face (especially because Theo was having a Moment about how he feels like people only see him as the soda guy, so any feelings of inadequacy would've been dialed up to eleven, so if there was any time for him to resent Emizel it'd be then), but it could also be that he was frustrated with Emizel being an ass (Emizel had just guessed that Theo's dream was to be a nurse, which was flat out wrong, and that's literally what set up the backhanded comment. Theo was saying something like 'thank fuck you don't wanna be a nurse cuz you sure fucked up with nursing that guy earlier.' It could also be that Emizel literally almost forgot Theo's name. Theo literally gave him the 'th' sound, it might've just been a bit Charlie was doing or it could've been Theo being AWARE that Emizel almost forgot his name. Or! It could be that in this moment, where Theo was confiding in Emizel about feeling like being the soda guy was all anyone ever saw in him, Emizel said something to the affect of 'well yeah Soda's the fun one.' Emizel doesn't think before he speaks and literally has a 1 in empathy. Just because he loves Theo doesn't mean he's not gonna blunder into being a complete and utter asshole to him. I'd hazard to say Emizel accidentally being an ass to people he cares about is a running theme).

But also all of that might come down to Charlie still getting the character down. Or, because I've theorized before that Theo might not've been supposed to survive the first Gabriel fight, the little hints of bitterness might've been intentional (even if they were completely improvved and Charlie didn't mean to add that to Theo's character) because Charlie was trying to shove as much character into this character before he was gone, but once it became clear that Theo was going to stick around longer he dropped it. As far as I remember, that bitterness is completely gone in all later interactions we see with Theo. OR! It could be that the bitterness drops because they've both got bigger fish to fry from that point onward, what with Theo's Shilo Incident TM, Emizel's vampirism, the Weylin twins. He doesn't have time to be bitter, he's too busy worrying about losing a cornerstone of his identity or helping his best friend adjust to being a fucking vampire now. And then after he learns to live without soda that basically negates his feelings of inadequacy- like, getting over the idea that he's nothing if he's not the soda guy would be required for him to give up on being the soda guy. And then Emizel would drift back into JUST being a guy to aspire to instead of also being a reminder of Theo's short comings, and then drift even further down into being 'guy who is actually going through it and has to overcome his own demons just like I had to overcome mine'. Like, I think we got to watch Theo slowly start to take Emizel off this pedestal in real time (he still definitely thinks Emizel's hot shit tho. Emizel's his boy, after all.)

Regardless, even if Theo did resent Emizel a little in the beginning, it's so fucking clearly overshadowed by how much he fucking loved him. And like, how could he not? Imagine you're Theo, critically low self esteem, and the literal coolest guy you know fucking LOVES you. Like, Emizel keeps consistently going out of his way to pull Theo up to his level and to treat him as an equal (mostly. Sometimes protectiveness bleeds through, like in his hypothetical fang scenario in ep 1 where he predicts there being five Fangs to fight and he says he can take three and Theo can take two (which in itself is still incredibly kind to Theo. Like, boy, you thought Theo was gonna be able to take out two whole guys? Hell no.) But that could also be chalked up to Emizel just being a cocky ass who wants to show off). Like dude, c'mon. Emizel might be a reminder of everything that Theo's not, but he's also probably Theo's biggest cheerleader. He wholeheartedly thought he was being supportive when he said he thought Theo'd make a great nurse! In all seriousness, though, even if it ultimately discourages him, Theo playing that Smash game against Emizel was at least a little bit of proof of him decidedly not 'staying in his lane,' and Emizel seems to inspire that! Later in that segment he challenges Theo to see which of them can break one of the Fangs kneecaps first! I bet Emizel challenged him to stupid competitions a lot, and that got Theo fired up and competitive in return!

And even when Emizel's not building Theo up, he's still giving Theo special attention, or readily receiving any attention Theo gives him. If nothing else, even at his lowest points that might've made Theo feel cool by association.

On Emizel's part, I think he's like, possibly completely oblivious to any turmoil Theo's going through? Like he thinks Theo's the shit and genuinely sees him as an equal. I'm 99% sure that Theo being his right hand man happened because Theo would've put himself into the role (in episode one before he gets all of his character development he's pretty much always looking to Emizel for what to do, and still more or less does whatever he says up to where I'm at in the series, with refusing to leave the alleyway being the only exception I remember). I think if Theo'd had higher self esteem or been less eager to defer to Emizel, Emizel would've happily gone about his business slotting Theo into more of a partner role. He tells Theo to run from that alleyway because Theo'd taken a fucking devastating hit and Emizel was sure he could handle himself, not because he knows Theo sucks at fighting. He tries to turn Theo into a cool vampire. He convinces Shilo that Theo'll be a valuable asset to raiding the Weylin warehouse and they take Theo with them instead of having him stay behind with the car like Grefgore, despite Theo being the one who actually knows how to drive. He tells Theo about being a vampire even though he keeps it a secret from everyone else, confides in Theo that 'yeah he might absolutely be susceptible to going into a frenzy like Shilo did.'

When you get down to it, Emizel pretty much tells Theo everything he would think is relevant, with two notable exceptions. Maybe three if you count him not telling Theo he has nine lives like a cat but tbh I think he might've just forgot. Or maybe he gets to it later, or maybe he did tell him and I forgot! idk man! But! Those other two things. First off, he like. Pointedly does not tell Theo that he's a prince. Like when they were doing the recap on the way to the Weylin warehouse, there's like. Charlie gives Condi an opening to say it, a little 'is there anything else?' and Emizel just. Doesn't. And the second one is that (at least where I'm at) Emizel never comes clean about bloodbonding Theo. Maybe it just hasn't come up yet, but still. It fits a pattern of Emizel not wanting to admit something that makes him, like, ABOVE Theo somehow. He sees Theo as an equal, and a precious one at that, he doesn't want things to get weird between them because he's literal royalty, and he doesn't want Theo's life to literally revolve around him like it would under a level three blood bond- and doesn't want to admit that he even considered it, even if he did it without really understanding what it was.

And Emizel backing off from ghoulifying Theo after Arthur explains what it actually entails kinda leads into a far more headcanon-y relationship analysis thing so um. Feel free to skip the next paragraph.

So! Like. Why the fuck was Emizel so attached to Theo being Soda. Like he gets over it decently quick, cuz that's his buddy and it's what Theo wants, so like. Whatever. But like, if I'm right about Theo always looking up to Emizel from the moment they met, there might've been some wiggle room between when they first became friends and when Theo became Soda. And like, before Theo became Soda, being Emizel's buddy would probably be the only thing he'd feel he had going for him? Which would've made it even harder for Emizel to get them both on equal footing, and I think that's just... really unappealing to him. Like! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Emizel loves having people kiss up to him and respect him and blah blah blah, I just think Theo being his boy and Emizel treating him like a partner go hand in hand. Either they weren't best friends yet or Emizel was just. Kind of uncomfortable and eager to push Theo into growing into something more than a hypeman. And then the soda incident occurs, and it gives Theo SOMETHING to define himself by, something people like him and know him for that's got nothing to do with Emizel, and maybe the initial soda incident was bad, but having that sense of identity and falling into what kind've feels like a class clown kinda role might've helped get Theo over his self esteem issues long enough for Emizel to go 'oh you're actually super cool. sweet.' and then blah blah blah they get super close like they are in canon. And then whenever Theo seems like he's backsliding into what he was before the soda incident, Emizel tries to course correct not because he doesn't think Theo's any fun without soda, but because he's made the mental connection that Soda without soda turns into less of a best friend and more of a follower, which as stated before he probably really doesn't want from Theo specifically. but idk. pure conjecture here.

Anyways, above all else, Theo's important to Emizel. I really, really like the idea that Theo was supposed to be like a brother to him (which. Again pointing at my 'Theo was supposed to die in episode 1' theory, can you IMAGINE the angst Emizel could've had about that? Lose one brother and then someone else claiming to be your brother shows up? It would've felt like some hellish, not-worth-it trade. Like a betrayal, like accepting Shilo might mean replacing Theo, and how could he ever?)

And Emizel's important to Theo! But unlike Emizel (who I'm 99% sure is gonna have some kinda moment with Theo but I genuinely cannot see him loving Theo in any other way than the way he does now), Theo has the bonus of having his view of Emizel have a clear trajectory to evolve over the course of the campaign. Like I said, he seems to be getting more confidence in himself and like, not gonna get into the stuff I've had spoiled beyond episode 9 but it seems like Theo's gonna get a lot more comfortable being a proper leader and not just a number two. He's gonna have an easier time seeing Emizel as an equal, and I think that's fucking awesome!

I could be completely off base, but if I never watch another episode then I'll never be proven wrong. So. Ya know.

[nilefreemans]

some of you have only shipped really popular, big fandom ships, and it shows

[dailykugisaki]

Day 355 | id in alt

I was out here just "Wow I should color this so they know I'm gonna put air Jordans on Kugisaki Nobara fortnite tomorrow" then I didn't and just slapped some random shit on. She looks nice though.

[ninashiki]

i feel like almost everything in utena has sort of already been extensively discussed in the last two (almost three) decades of utena's existence (not that there aren't new interpretations to be made, there always are) besides black rose arc (mikage+mamiya+tokiko). which is why they're so much fun to think about. i think the need to read between the lines makes it unfortunately easy to misunderstand or look past obvious stuff if you don't pay attention, but to me it's always been really obvious that mikage's arc is a literal representation of the erasure of queerness in ohtori (society?) by akio/everything he represents. and that's so fucking tragic! nemuro was never able to find a name for his desires. he lived and died as a puppet in the shadows.

[sketchy-tour]

Its funny that I could feel my WH hyperfixation slowly morph into just my genuine special interest. I worried at first, cause I thought my love for it had died. Because it was duller. But no no. Now it sits comfortably and idly in my mind. Unshaken. Comfortable. At home.

[voidcat-senket]

You know that one unfinished fic that you love that tragically doesn't seem to be updating anymore? There's a secret to increasing your chances of getting it to update! Use this One Simple Trick! Leave a review saying you love it.