#it's one of those things where i like know and have previously experienced

[citadelofswords]

we went to see end of evangelion in theaters today and i am still, hours later, Absolutely Fucked Up about it

[rikiluvly]

MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

🥀*ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔡𝔦𝔣𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔰 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔭𝔲𝔩𝔩 𝔲𝔰 𝔞𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱

tysm to the anon that requested this! <3

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | more to come...

PAIRINGS: vampire!riki x human!reader

SYNOPSIS: you and your mom move into an old mansion after some struggles. but what happens when the mansion is actually occupied by 7 vampires and the youngest just can’t seem to keep his eyes off you.

GENRE: vampire au, fluff, a tiny bit of angst.

WARNINGS: mention of food, slight swearing, and Ni-ki is kinda rude.

WORD COUNT: 1.3k

PREVIOUSLY ON MIDDLE OF NOWHERE:

"look, don't expect the others to go as easy on you as I did alright?" easy? he scared the living hell out of you two times now.

"when are they coming back?" you wanted to know so you could be prepared. but they could also easily pop up in front of you at any time.

"right about...now," you felt a gush of wind come from behind you, blowing your hair up.

there stood six tall, handsome vampires holding cups of red liquid. which could only be one thing.

blood.

~ ✩ ‧ ₊ ˚ ~

all those stories about vampires that suck your blood to turn you into one of them… was now seeming all very very real. Dracula was a story you adored the most. only the story you were experiencing wasn’t like Dracula at all. when Harker found out Count Dracula was a vampire he escaped… but it’s too late for you now.

staring at these six vampires sent shivers down your spine. their stares were digging into your soul like daggers trying to pierce your heart, but they couldn't quite reach the other side. the one side where you wanted to go home. home seemed like such a dream right now.

you turned you head to watch Riki’s expression. oh how he looked so happy to see his friends. do vampires really feel like humans? have the same emotions?

“Riki who is this?” the one standing to the far left questioned. the boys dark hair fell in-front of his face covering his eyebrows as he talked.

“just a girl… we got new owners,” the familiar boy replied scratching the back of his head. you just sat there being eyed by the line of boys. you smacked your lips together and went back to eating your food. there was no need to draw attention right?

“what’s your name girl?” another voice asked. your lifted head up only to be met with a figure sitting opposite you on the table.

“y/n… you?” you think you have the hang of introducing yourself to vampires now. basing off of your other experience.

“Jake. Is anyone else here with you?” a slight smirked formed on his face as he spoke. would it be wrong to lie? yes. who knows what they could do to you if they found out you were fibbing.

“just me and my mom,” you tilted your head to look at the others. they looked so sureal, like something that was only to be seen in your dreams. the one standing in the middle brought his cup to his lips and took a drink. a dribble of red liquid ran down his chin until he wiped it off with the back of his hand.

“and where is that Mother of yours then?” the in in the middle asked. he seemed a lot colder than the others, more reserved.

“not sure..” you really weren’t sure. what if she was just to come into the room and witness what was going on.

“I- I gotta go, sorry,” you got up and took one last look at Riki as you left the room. you went searching for your mom in every room. you were sprinting a long a hallway until the one and only Riki appeared in front of you.

“what the hell Riki!” I tried to push past him but he wouldn’t budge.

“your mother is asleep,”

“how do you know?”

“I went to go check on her for you…”

“oh, we’ll thank you.” such a nice gesture for something that could rip you apart when your sleeping.

“well I must get to sleep then.. thank you again Riki,” you said as you walked past him.

“no problem,” he replied in nearly a whisper as you walked away.

you had just finished get ready for a long sleep and was just laying in your bed. you had so many thought running through your mind, ones like how the hell is this happening right now? and what if they were to take my blood in the night?

you sat up and took a look around your room. It was pitch black but you could see silhouettes of objects scattered around. a mirror was placed directly in-front of your bed, you stood up from your position in the bed, switched the lamp on and walked over to it.

there were carvings of rabbits around the frame of the mirror, they looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in a while.

a sudden noise started to form from outside your window, you went over to draw your curtains apart.

a figure that you assumed to belong to one of the seven vampires was standing outside staring at the trickling pond. the water was moving in slow waves that was seemed to be controlled by the vampire.

you moved your hand slightly to wipe of the condensation on the window only to knock down a candle that was placed on the windowsill.

the persons head slowly turned around to meet his eyes with yours. eye contact was held for a few seconds until he vanished into the thick, cold air. you felt more nervous of the thought that he would end up in your room.

another noise was heard from the hallway that was outside your room. you walked over the door and peeked your head around the sharp corner, a dark shadow was seen moving across the end of the hallway towards the library.

you know that if you weren’t to exit your room blood would be taken from your body. so the brave soul that you are ventured out into the hallway and made your way towards the dreaded library.

once you reached the library the door was already left open only to reveal the darkness that filled the room. the door creaked as you opened it, once you walked in and switched the light on you were met with a high roofed ceiling that was painted with cherubs and white fluffy clouds.

you ran your hand against the spines of books displayed on the shelf’s. they were covered in thick layers of dust but the spines were incredibly pretty. you turned to leave the room but the person you saw by the pond before was standing right there…

“hello?” I said he walked towards me as he had no expression on his face.

"why are you here? you have no right to be in this room," the door slammed behind him as he took more steps toward you.

"answer me!" he was now towering over you, dominating the space. his sharp canines poked out from under his bottom lip and you couldn't help but look. he brought his hand to your jaw and lifted your head up to look him in the eyes.

"I sai- " he got cut off from talking when someone teleported next to him. he grabbed the vampire's hand and ripped it off your face.

"Sunghoon stop harassing her... she doesn't know," the voice was connected to a familiar face. Riki was now standing in front of you, protecting you from the vampire Sunghoon.

"go," Riki said sternly as Sunghoon exited through the rusty door.

"thank you, Rik- "

"why are you here? you need to learn not to wander around so much," he turned around to face you, standing a bit too close.

"I- I saw this shadow walking this way so... I followed it," you tilted your head down feeling slightly ashamed of your foolish behavior. should you have stayed in your dark, lonely bedroom after all?

"that's no shadow y/n, that's out Mother," his voice turned quieter as he looked into your eyes.

"after she died last year her ghost has been foolishly wandering the castle quite a lot, the library was her favorite place, no wonder you caught her coming into here," now that was a surprise, vampires now ghosts?

"I can see why, it's really nice in here," you felt sympathetic for Riki, and the others as well but he seemed really affected by it. as you looked into his eyes for a bit longer you noticed how pretty they were. for a vampire.

"yeah..." his voice drifted off as he maintained eye contact with you. his dark, long hair fell beside the sides of his face. up this close, you could see the beauty marks spotted around his face, the one on his chin caught your eyes the most.

"you have really nice eyes y/n," he whispered as your faces were so close you swear you could kiss him.

and you did just that.

A/N: sorry this isn't the longest fic ever but I put a lot of time into making it good, I hope you enjoy it!!

TAGLIST: @they2luv1naia @lwavander @itzz-me-duh @wzy3ka @lari-05 @entenen @143won @heysunghoon @soobiverse @soneonefromsomewhere @cinasual @j-wyoung @heartbreakrikiversary @lvrcvr

[vadersassistant]

Irresistibly Yours One Shot (Darth Vader x Reader)

Summary: (Y/N) has been hiding across the galaxy for a year, attempting to flee her husband alongside Obi-Wan Kenobi, but now it is over. When the Sith finally tracks her down she must make a choice, continue to live a lie or leave with the man she loves. Takes place during Kenobi with altered events. Reader is previously a Jedi married to Anakin Skywalker.

Warnings: Make out session, mentions of sex, slight violence (not towards reader)

A/N: The poll I made landed in a 50/50 between suited Vader and nightfall Vader so I'm giving you the best of both worlds. In which, Vader wears the suit and mask, but he can take it off and looks like the Anakin we know and love.

“You have to go,” I demanded, turning away from the door in horror.

“(Y/N),” Kenobi pleaded.

“He wants me Obi-Wan, we don’t have a choice,” I reasoned. “You know he will continue to harm those people until I come out from hiding.”

“He’s going to try and take you.”

“And I’ll try and throw him off my trail, at least one of us needs to escape.”

“I understand,” he said, after a moment of silence.  “Goodbye, (Y/N).”

“May the force me with you Obi-Wan,” I nodded to him, saying the old phrase intentionally.

“You as well.”

I watched him enter the secret tunnels in the back of the workshop before it slid shut, and audibly sighed. I knew it was hopeless, it wasn’t possible to ever escape him. I couldn’t, not with how well he knew me. A part of me didn’t even agree with Kenobi, as he still believed in the Jedi and being heroes. I had changed, and their morals didn’t resonate with me any longer, not since the fall.

My body shook, as I ran as hard as I could once opening the door. It was loud on purpose, everyone standing in the little street seeing me and yelping in surprise. I saw the inquisitorious point in my direction, calling out my action for their lord. I could feel it, even though I couldn’t see his face beneath the mask. I could feel that he was looking at me, the two of us making eye contact for the first time in a year. He was massive, even taller than before and stronger than ever, right on my tail as I fled. I was quick, my legs carrying me into the maze of shipping crates and dirt from afar. I should have been quieter, but I knew that wouldn’t do much. He could track me in other ways, like the force.

His cold presence clung to my shoulders as I ran between the mounts that acted like walls. I needed to throw him off, but I knew it was impossible. He was too intelligent, too quick. His steps were twice as much as my own, the force connection that bound us inseverable. My heartbeat picked up, so much so I could hear it as if it were right in my ear. My hands were trembling lightly from the thrill of fleeing.

“There is no escape,” his modulated voice said, but I couldn’t tell where it came from.

“I’ll never join you,” I whispered.

The Sith was nowhere to been seen. I backed up, returning to my original pace and attempting to find him again in the pitch black, even though his suit was the same color. He hadn’t ignited his saber yet, although it didn’t make much of a difference, since I hadn’t ignited mine in months. In truth, I hadn’t touched a thing related to the Jedi in a year. All of it, including the force, I severed myself from, up until he started hunting me down.

He invaded my dreams, doing everything in his power to get to me. When he came, it wasn’t painful, it felt amazing, too good; feelings I only experienced in his presence. He tried to pleasure me, sooth me and coax me into joining him, promising to save me from Kenobi. He abused our connection from our time as Jedi’s, seeping into my conscious and speaking to my thoughts, ghosting my body with his invisible touch. Every time I thought of him, I thought of the past. I told myself I didn’t love him, but we both knew it was a lie.

“Really?”

I knocked into something hard, strong hands coming around my upper arms. They kept me in place with ease, essentially locking me in my tracks. I looked up and swallowed, knowing I was done for.

“Vader,” my breath was short. I wouldn't call him Anakin.

“My dear,” he said.

“I am not your dear,” I tried to back up, but it was no use. My chest tightened, feeling his thumb rub my skin comfortingly.

“Yet you are weakening in my hold,” he spoke sweetly, opposite of his reputation. If anyone else rejected him, they would be dead, neck snapped, I knew that.

“You’re a liar,” I said unfearingly.

“You are the only one lying here, (Y/N),” Vader replied. “Don’t deny me any further.”

His voice lit a fire across my entire body, smooth yet so deep I could have lost it right then and there. It took everything to keep my composure, a fake stubbornness still trying to hold up across my face. I wanted so badly to do a million different things. A part of me thought to leave, to escape and flee once again. But another part of me wanted to follow him, leave Kenobi behind, and go into the depths of hell.

“I will never join you, Sith,” I used his new title as an insult. “Now let go of me.”

“Your thoughts betray you, my love,” Vader said. "I feel your conflict."

“I hate you.”

“Hate is not an attribute of a Jedi, or you,” he entertained. “You are too caring to hate.”

He was right, always right, and knew me far too well. I sighed aloud, as he still held me and I could just feel the victorious expression through his mask.

“I married Anakin Skywalker, not you.”

“Anakin Skywalker still remains, but only for your pleasure,” he rebutted. “I am here, waiting for you, my dear. You and I can overthrow the emperor, become the galaxies newest destined rulers. Leave Kenobi and set yourself free, do what we both know you long to. We are mean't to be together.”  

I looked into his helm, hoping that I might see his eyes through the blacked-out visors. My lips parted just slightly, breathing hitched as my hands rested on the Sith’s chest. You could see it, Vader's muscles breaching the clothes he wore. The armor fitted his broad shoulders perfectly, hands so skilled and trusted. My head dipped, succumbing to what I truly thought.

“I’m supposed to kill you, to try and run away.”

“I know,” he leaned forward, his mask hovering over my head.

“I told myself I wasn’t going to do this,” I my hands turned into fists, pounding on his chest in frustration.

“But you don’t agree with Kenobi,” he finished.

“I don't."

“So, join me, my dear,” Vader coaxed, placing a leather glove on my jaw to tilt my head upward.

I breathed deeply, my pupils slowly dilating while taking him in.

“Take the mask off."

Surprisingly, the Sith didn’t argue. He let go of me and slipped his thumb around the rim of the helm, like he needed to turn something off. A hissing sound followed, confirming my suspicions, and he lifted it above his head carefully, dropping it onto the ground. I watched it fall, clinking on the ground as if he didn’t care for it. My eyes slowly trailed back up, seeing his true appearance in what felt like forever.

His hair was the same length, wavy and brown, yet in the face he had grown so much. His jawline was even more developed, the scar still remaining on the right brow. The most prominent feature was his eyes, gold with red rimming the irises. His gaze was more alluring than before, a look I easily got flustered from. He grinned at me checking him out and let out a sexy and low laugh.

“Still have the same effect, don’t I?” Vader asked, his actual voice being used.

“Even better,” the words formed before I could think.

His robotic arm curled around the back of my head, the two of us enclosed on the space between. I slid my arms between his neck, kissing him deeply without hesitation. It felt like a war between hell and heaven, holding my breath for as long as possible while taking the Sith in. The further we went, the worse it got, to where I wrapped my legs around his lower waist and he held onto my ass. We would take short breaths touching each other as much as possible during it, enjoying as much as we could, the both of us starved from one another.

It was no surprise Vader got the upper hand, trailing his lips over to my cheek and down to my neck. He carried me over to a tower of crates, one sitting alone in front of the stack, sitting me down on it gently. I leaned back as if it was a wall, and sounds slipped from my mouth naturally. They were rare to come by, not having heard them in months, my husband well aware. I felt Vader smile as he got onto the crate as well and trailed his hand up my thigh to my top. He was straddling me, making me feel like I was weak, and it was to die for.

More whimpers left my lips, and I knew what he wanted. The Sith fiddled with the zipper of my jacket, remaining eye contact with me while doing so. I could feel his hot breath against my skin, forcing me to shudder as he started to take my clothing off. I wanted him so badly, feeling his cod piece harden against my thigh, but we both sensed something nearby. The two of us froze, silent as his cloak shielded me from anyone’s line of sight.

“Obi-wan is near,” I whispered.

“He has come back to try to take you away from me,” Vader said, his hands now placed on both sides so that I was caged in. It was protective, the look in his eyes possessive.

“We must go, you have to have a ship nearby,” I told him.

“I do, follow me,” he nodded.

I slid off the crate, slightly upset we had been interrupted, but there wasn’t time to think about it. Obi-wan would never forgive me if he saw this, and I preferred that I remained on good terms with him. Vader called for his helmet with the force, it quickly suctioning to his hand and then being placed on his head. I kept up with him, weaving through the maze of construction until we got closer to the town. It seemed that most of the Imperial forces had been ordered to leave, Vader having called them off unsurprisingly.

The people that once lingered around were all inside, sleeping away in fear from what happened. Behind all of the buildings was a ship, the shadow of it coming into view from around the corner. It was the infamous Tie-Fighter the Sith always flew in, extremely well developed and luxurious. He lifted up the hatch with a wave of two fingers, offering a hand politely to help me up onto the top. It was only when he got in first and sat down that I realized where this was going.

The ship was small, meant to be a one seater and easy to maneuver. Vader took off his helmet once more before shooting me a suggestive look and patting the inside of his leg. It created little space for me to sit in his lap, but I didn't think much of it, all I knew was that what had stopped before was about to resume.

LMK what you all thought about this. I honestly can't decide which Vader I like more so this was very fun to write

[starberry-cupcake]

I didn't even give you time to rest and we're back for another round of this. Let's give it up for our sponsor @lady-harrowhark who has helped me get here ♥

previously, on the 1st entry of tlt, aka gideon the ninth:

this happened

also, I was made aware of the fact that there's a 4th book happening?????

??????

I thought they were three, I thought I was coming into this with all the answers out and available

emily has already explained to me the situation and I am taking it very well

I'm very at peace with the fact that I'm gonna have to wait

:)

this is how you all feel, huh?

now, get ready for harrowbean the ninth:

we start out strong with 25 new names

we got a list of lyctors and slurped cavaliers

I'm assuming the crossed out people means dead or slurped

we got another ortus, good for him, I'm gonna remember him

we got another two living new ones, it's likely I will remember an augustine, not likely I'll remember the other one

absolutely no way in hell I'm remembering their cavaliers

absolutely no way in hell I'm remembering the dead

I'm gonna have to think of new nicknames

not!dulcinea is listed and crossed out, as she should be

(the emperor's new groove, indeed)

we've got yandere simulator twin w/inner chad

BUT we'll talk about that in a sec

and then there's harrow

and where gideon should be we got g̵̙͉͚̼̾̽̓̏̾̒̒̂̎͆̕͝ͅi̸̱͍͕̎̆̾̐̇̍̀̎d̷̨̪̙̭̮̜̼͆͆e̴̡̻̰̞̓̈́̋͂̇̐̇̀̓̈́̿̅̚ǫ̷͇̟̳̯͇̤̪̻̩̤̒̅͐͛̒̃͑̂͌́͝ͅn̵̢̙͔̩̗͇͎̻͕̲̮͙̞̓͆̋̈́̿͑͋̈̒͌̀͐̕̚͜͜ ̷͍̫̝̖̮̺̩͖͕̞̾̀͂s̶̖͓̗̩̹̹̥͉̘̄͑͒̾̔͋̑͝h̷̯̲̞͗ơ̵̢͕͙̤̳͎̟̳̖͕͓͋̃̀̉̔̎̈́͆̏̄ͅṷ̴̧̨̢̦̭͈̰͓̪̱̠͓̈̿͆̇̀͑͜ľ̴̨͍͖̘̠̖͎̤̮̱̻͚̑̄͑d̸̢̛̛̻̙̪͙̖̋̃̄͛̅̀̃̐̈̿̏̏͘ ̷̢͚̦̱̩̬̟̺̀̄̈́͂͋̂̄̊̾́́̾̆̄b̷̡͕̲̗͇̠̗͓̈́̍̽͊̇͜ę̴̢̡̱͓̱͉̩̖͇̠͇͎̪̟͗ ̵̪̭͔̊̿͜h̸̢̛̙͍͎͖̻̟̗̫̄̐̀̄̃̽͑̚̕͠ͅe̵̘̳͆̉̿̔͘͘r̸̦̰͌̒̐̓̽́̾͋̏͝ȩ̶̢̖̩͙̗͚̲̈́͠ͅ ̶̡͌̃̏̐̑̀̄̉̀̈́͐̀͊̀͠

👀

I don't know

I think maybe la gideon del 9 isn't totally gone

maybe it's true, maybe it's wishful thinking

maybe her soul got back into her body like when you dream you're falling

her body slurped it back like a noodle

and her demigod powers regenerated her like wolverine

and camilla removed her from the location

and they're both alive and well

don't correct me, let me have this

me, waiting for camilla to come back

after all of this info and the poem/hymn/whatnot we got a prologue which starts with "the night before the emperor's murder"

WELL

OK THEN

WHAT HAPPENED WITH BEING GOD????

the emperor's new clothes and all, he was naked all along

this man is a joke, this man is the wizard of oz, what's going on here

anyway

the prologue is in second person with harrow's pv

I think I have experienced harrow's pv before while reading gideon

hoping for her to focus on one important issue and getting frustrated was very much harrow's pv

harrow is in some sort of battle situation getting directed by the emperor and, as I understand, acting in coordination with the other living lyctors

but also harrow is doing something she shouldn't be doing and they're telling her not to do it

which is like, the harrowest thing to do

so yandere twin comes in to talk to her into moving because she'll be targeted if she stays

and there's a moment when I was like...wait a sec

they say she has blue eyes with specks of brown

didn't she have lavender eyes?????

then harrow says "you should have killed your sister, your eyes don't match your face"

?????????????

yandere twin is very insistent on the helping but also cryptic

I am starting to stan her less

she's starting to get on my nerves and it's the prologue

she also says "choke me, daddy" which

THIS IS NOT THE TIME

gideon gets to do those jokes at terrible times, not you

gideon is allowed

so harrow gets in the fight soul-first and is spitted out of the fight and has a sword through her body

we're doing great over here guys

we're just— this is fine

we're fine

it's f i n e

IT'S FINE

I'm gonna leave the next bit for the next one because this is long enough with the reaction images that I think are crucial to understanding the feelings I'm trying to convey. I'm gonna go to sleep and possibly dream of these characters again. I'll try less pictures and more stuff in the next entry. Hopefully. And maybe read the short story that comes before book 1 because Camilla is in it.

[taurusreads]

what awaits you at the end of this cycle?

masterlist || paid services || ko-fi

a little encouragement to keep pushing through 🫶🏽

how to pick a pile? close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and clear your mind. feel which pile you're drawn to, and find the reading below the cut!

PILE ONE

i’m getting a very vibrant orange color from this pile. some of you may actually like oranges, like the fruit, or could be someone who takes care of their body. some of you could also be preparing for something. i’m seeing planning and getting things in order, virgo energy could be significant here. jupiter energy could also be significant. you could also be the type of person to keep things to yourself. you might be in a bit of solitude right now, keeping the things that are important to you to yourself. you could also be the type of person to plan out your life as well. i think you could have a clear picture of what you want for yourself, and you’re actively working to gain that lifestyle.

i feel like you guys are starting to learn a lot about yourselves at the moment. my first paragraph is always dedicated to messages i receive while shuffling so i know the energy that i’m reading for, and yours was a bit longer than the other two piles, as yours mainly touched up on different aspects of your personality that might have gone unnoticed by you previously. the first house card came out for you, which is all about your personality and the way that other people perceive you. i think that at the end of your cycle people could be talking about how different you look/seem, or you could be noticing those changes in yourself as well. i’m also picking up again on the fact that you take good care of your health, and you might be making that a priority right now. if you feel the urge to take care of yourself and better your mind body and soul, don’t ignore it! i see you’re doing a good job at that and it’ll pay off for you later on.

take time to ground your energy, maybe go on a walk or when you’re in the shower, visualize your fears and worries being rinsed down the drain before you start your day. that will help ease some of the anxieties you have throughout the day. i feel like some of you have been wanting to make new friends or meet people that resonate with you, and i’m hearing that at the end of this cycle you’ll definitely have that! if you haven’t already, you’ll start seeing the changes in your reality soon! i feel like some of you may have given up hope and these things coming for you since you worked through the hard stuff, but don’t worry, they’re on their way! you just have to be patient.

i feel like you all are exactly where you need to be right now. your guides are watching over you, keeping you on the right path, so all you need to do is sit back and follow their lead. don’t think too hard about the next few months, just go with the flow and when your mind tells you to do something, don’t stress over it and just start moving! you’ll see so much more progress the sooner you let go of the idea that you don’t truly deserve these things.

i feel like you’re experiencing a cycle that is coming to a close for you. there was a situation that wasn’t serving your highest good, and so the universe went and did away with it to help with your growth. i feel like this was someone who you used to talk to a lot, they could have understood you better than most people you felt. i do feel like this person wasn’t navigating from a place of love though. where they did love you and wanted the best for you, they were not in a headspace where they could provide that love. i do see that this person could be a bit of a workaholic, and could have placed their needs above yours constantly, so you did what needed to be done for yourself and you walked away.

if this situation resonated with you i just want you to know that i am so so so proud of you for taking care of yourself and doing right by your needs. although, for some others, it’s time to stop waiting for that person to come back. and if you’re worried about whether they will come back or not, that is up to them and whether they decide to work through their shadows or not. this is giving the energy or a healing connection, one of growth and understanding, but unless both parties put in the work, it will be very hard for you two to work in tandem with each other.

give this person the time they need to heal, as well as give yourself the time you need to heal (that’s the most important), and with that your situation with them could improve.

also, i’m seeing that for a lot of you, another thing coming at the end of this cycle is regarding your career, but they would not give me too much information on it. i think there might be something very exciting coming for you, and your guides want you to be excited!

PILE TWO

i’m getting like a foresty green here. kind of the dark green color that comes on leaves, but with the bright and happy energy of light green. very balanced energy here. i’m getting cottage core vibes, so you may be someone who like to dress in that style or has that aesthetic around them, or that theme might be significant right now. i keep singing water by tyla as well. that song could be significant for some of you (specifically the chorus). earth placements could be significant for this pile.

ah my little viridians (that’s what i shall call you because of the color i saw sorry). you guys could be out of the box thinkers, the type to analyze the scene in front of you and come up with a creative solution to the problem. you could have heavy virgo and libra placements, or heavy air placements in general. i’m seeing that some of you guys may participate in social activities like smoking the green if ya know what i mean. neon colors such as pink, purple, and green could be significant.

i’m hearing try not to analyze too much about the things going on around you. you could be doing a lot of research about astrology, tarot, spirituality, etc. and making the connection, but try not to give yourself a headache over thinking things lol. i’m getting the energy of another person here’s that’s wanting to come in, and so i think that this person could be waiting on the other side of this cycle. if any of you have been manifesting a relationship with someone, i see this person coming in at the end of your cycle. i think this person is full of love, they give very soft and kind energy. they could be very nurturing, and provide a lot of advice and guidance to help you on your spiritual journey.

i’m seeing that at the end of your cycle, you’ll be in a very calm state of mind. i think that you tend to have a lot of questions, especially about the world and how it came to be, they may even cause you anxiety a little bit. i’m seeing here that at the end of this cycle you’ll have come to enough of an understanding to the point where you can relax and just enjoy the life that you’ve been given. some of you could be humanitarians, or care deeply about the condition of the earth and how it’s being treated. you’re definitely big on connecting with nature, and you just give very open and loving energy. it’s low key giving hippie and i love it.

i think a sign that this cycle is coming to a close for you is when you want to start becoming active again. i’m hearing that you might be into dancing or will want to be very physically active randomly. some of you could also come from a culture where dancing is a form of expression in faith, such as native american descent.

if some of you have been trying to decide on what to do with your life, i’m hearing that the world is your oyster. you can do whatever you want, and you don’t have to be tied down to one thing. i feel like i’m giving big sister vibes rn lol. some of you may feel like you have to fit a mold that was made for you from your family. there might be a work place or job that your parents expected you to get, or maybe a family business that they want you to take over. if you feel deep in your heart that you don’t want to do that, then you have the right to say no. you don’t have to abide by what they want you to be just because they’re your parents, you’re human too. and i know it’s definitely hard standing your ground and doing what’s best for yourself, but handling the situation with love and grace will be more helpful than you thought.

if you’re the type that tends to get a bit aggressive when you start to feel emotion, make sure to approach any situations with a calm mind, already know what you want to say and how you want to say it. you have to take accountability for when you may step out of line, just as others should do for you. i’m also singing water by tyla AGAIN. i always use the first paragraph as an energy check, so i don’t actually look at any of the cards falling out while i shuffle. i started singing the song then and now i’m singing it again, it doesn’t get stuck in my head otherwise.

don’t ignore the things that’s your heart and soul are telling you. i think you could have finished this cycle a while ago, had you let go of control and the fear of change. don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you from reaching out for the things you want to do, because you’re losing endless possibilities because of it. don’t be afraid to face your shadows, they are a part of you after all. they’re not here to hurt you, they’re here to help heal you. the person coming in at the end of this cycle is definitely a soulmate i’m seeing, they’re giving me a guide of sorts for you. this person is going to help direct you in the right direction, and he’ll you understand any questions you might have as they arise for you. they’re here to help you keep your head on straight as i feel like when you overthink you tend to spiral.

all in all, i’m seeing that there’s not one set thing coming in for you. i feel like something you might have asked for was a betterment in your mental state, or just a betterment in your current situation in general, so they gave you that. you have the capacity to do absolutely whatever you want after this. you want to be an astronaut? go for it. president? absolutely. cafe owner? cute as fuck bro. you’re literally like a freelancer man, you can do any and everything, and that should make you proud.

PILE THREE

this pile is my yellow pile. not quite like the sun, it has a bit more of an white hue to it, but still so pretty. almost like the yellow you get for newborn babies. i’m immediately feeling that you guys are happy with life and open to receiving all blessings coming your way. you could have just come out of a tough cycle, and are ready to have the new and improved version of your life start now. some of you might be drawn to pile 2 as well, if you are, check it out! there might be a few messages for you there. prominent air placements could be significant, as well as venus energy (taurus and libra).

for a lot of you i’m seeing a life partner coming in. this is something that was fated from the moment you were born, you just needed to wait and do the proper work for it to come in on time. i think that at the end of this cycle this is the biggest reward that you are reaping, as this also seems like something you’ve been wanting for a while.

when i was shuffling the cards, i had already gotten the energy that you’d finished your cycle. the energy i was getting was more of openness and acceptance from a place of love and understanding. something started happening with my right eye while i was messing around with your pile, so if you feel like there’s something in your eye when nothings wrong with it, or your eye starts to twitch at random moments, that may be indication that this person is coming very soon. i think right now you’re in a time where you’ve done the reflecting, you’ve done the introspection, and now it’s time for the universe to give back to you. it’s important that you follow your heart and gut feelings right now, as following those urges will lead you right where you need to be. don’t forget to include logic though, balancing your spiritual insight and logic may be something to work through for you right now. i’m seeing heavy self care days for some of you as well. a lot of you may have stepped into your it girl era, and are being diligent in taking care of yourself and your environment. venus energy is so heavy for this group right now.

you may actually be operating from your venus sign right now, pile three. sometimes the time of our lives that we are in can change the energy that we exude, and so you might not come off as your sun/rising sign (you rising sign is actually one of your chart rulers, so that’s most times how people perceive you). this makes sense with the romantic partner on the move for you.

i feel like if some of you have been worried about whether your manifestations are actually going to come in, i’m here to tell you that they are. the universe is never going to give you the short end of the stick, at least not without it preparing you for something better. when they told you that you were done with the hard parts, they meant it. carry yourself with grace and act like you’re the baddie that you are because you put in WORK for this bro. you did that shit and it wasn’t easy, so don’t brush it off like it was that easy!! i’m seeing that you could be in your empress energy right now, actually. you’re very stable mentally, emotionally, and physically, which is why your person is preparing to come into your life now. spirit is telling you to be optimistic right now, get excited, because the things that you asked for are here! they’re not even coming. they’re not on their way, they’re HERE!!!

i started singing black and yellow by wiz khalifah when i started shuffling the tarot cards so that song could be significant for some of you lol. some of you could be in the longing stage, where you want your person and you can feel them coming in, but the urge to have them is making you impatient. i’m hearing to distract yourself during these times. maybe go out with friends, hang out with family, or participate in a hobby that you enjoy as a way to take your mind off of it until your manifestations get here. you’re guides are telling me that they know it’s hard, but you’ve only got a little more to go.

you could also be seeing repeating 5’s, which signify change and adjustments. i’m feeling like you’re starting to see the things around you and within you change. you might have had a change in the things that you deem important, and those changes are bringing you new opportunities, especially in your work place. i’m seeing blessing coming through as a byproduct of your introspection, as well as an increase in opportunities surrounding your work life. if you guys have been working towards a specific goal or a specific career, i’m hearing that significant changes are coming in regarding that, and you should be on the look out for contact from a higher up sometime soon! i’m seeing that all of these changes are going to catapult you into your dream reality! all the things you’ve been imagining and wishing for yourself are finally here, so stop worrying and let them come in as they should <3

[gingerrtarot]

◌ ｡ PAC: “I’ll do it later…” - why do you procrastinate and how you can stop it?

hello everyone! welcome to my new reading~

as the heading suggest, today we will look at the reasons behind your “laziness” and you will get some advices on how you can change that.

keep in mind that this is a general reading, so it may or may not resonate with you.

now, let’s pick a pile!

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

°｡ Pile 1. ◌

Hello, guys!! so right off the bat I don’t actually see you guys as some slackers. People from this group, on the contrary, may be involved in many different activities at once, or at least they always have many plans in mind. maybe you judge yourself too harshly. another thing i pick up on here is that you were this super talented kids at school and now your family, teachers, colleagues may be expecting too much from you. so you end up always feeling like you are not doing enough.also, it seems like you are doing what others want and do not do things that will satisfy your desires. you may be oppressed by others. I see that some of you may want to work in a political field or maybe something related to judging. or you just want to be somewhere where you will be heard in your opinions will matter your words will have power. so why do you procrastinate? there are several options here. first, you may, actually, take a lot of tasks at once, and then you end up doing a little bit of this a little bit of that, and it doesn’t produce any result. Second, you may come up with many ideas and, but you always put off their implementation until later. In the first case, you are advised to learn to prioritize the right things; make a to-do lists, highlight the most important ones and do them first. In the second case, you need to start bring your ideas to execution as soon as you have them. Don’t put anything off for later, take at least a small action that will help you bring your ideas to life. don’t forget about it, don’t shelve them, it won’t make you any good.

one more thing. some people in this group may have problems with their family. They force you to do something that you don’t want, or even if they don’t force you, they gently persuade you or raise hopes for you that you cannot justify, you don’t want it, but you do it for their sake. And here the cards advise, if possible, to move. You will immediately become more motivated, more active and energetic. All the things that previously seemed difficult to you will be given to you with ease. if this is your problem, moving here will be extremely useful.

°｡ Pile 2. ◌

hi there pile 2! Here I see people who have recently experienced some kind of transformation. It could have moved, changed your study place or a job, perhaps you have suffered a loss or something similar. It may also be that you had to grow up early, when your inner self was not yet ready for it. Now you may be in a state of apathy; you do not have the strength and energy to do anything.

And even if you do want to do something, you just don’t know how. It feels like you are in the fog. Where to go and what to do, how to do it - you lack knowledge and skills. I see here a desire to return to your comfort zone, maybe go back to your childhood, to your family. somewhere you didn’t have to decide and do so much yourself. you want and need some help. and some stability and security. You shouldn't judge or blame yourself if you experience this, it's okay. Change can be difficult to cope with, give yourself time to collect yourself both mentally and physically. But if you have been in this state for a long time, you should think about it and pull yourself together. Otherwise it may drag on for years. The advice to you here is to find people with whom you can grow and develop together. You lack experience and knowledge in some areas right now. And help of people now will be very useful to you. Communicate with those who are more experienced than you, with those who can teach you something. Invite acquaintances at your place of study or work, if possible. Or try to find people with similar goals through social networks, with whom you can somehow collaborate. Yes, I know it's not that easy. But even if you can’t do this, try to find at least some celebrities, bloggers and influencers who would work, for example, in the same field in which you want to work. Find those who you will look up to, those who will inspire you and will be able to provide you with some helpful information and this will already be great.

°｡ Pile 3. ◌

hey, pile 3!! There's a lot of youthful energy here. You guys are most likely extroverts, you are active, like to go for walks, relax, have fun, and do some kind of creative work. And yes, we all love it, but you especially. Like the second group, you lack life experience that can help you achieve what you want. And what else is important, many here may not have any goals or desires at all.

Perhaps you prefer to live in the present and you’re not thinking about the future too much. Yes, it may be good, but here it’s a real problem. some people here simply don’t have enough willpower, you indulge your momentary weaknesses and whims. for some, it’s just a trait of your character that you need to work with and change it, if you want to be more productive. But for others, the lack of motivation and any ambition comes from disappointment in the past. You may have been brought up in strictness; your desire and way of self-expression was not accepted, your dreams and goals were devaluated and you got used to considering yourself a loser. Or maybe, having failed, you have lost faith in yourself. Maybe you had a small failure or maybe a big one, in the end it led you to the fact that you decided not to try at all. It may also be that you are one of those who get disappointed and quit the job they started after it didn’t work out right away. Like, you wanted to draw a masterpiece but it turned out to be doodles, and you start to think that drawing is not for you and give up on it. But it’s wrong. You may be born a genius, but without training and practice you will achieve nothing. Therefore, it is important to study and work and not give up after the first failure, no matter what.

Self-discipline is what you need. Of course there is no miracle advice or potion that will help you deal with this. It will take time but in the end it will be worth it. So create a routine for yourself that will help you be more productive and stick to it. If it’s difficult for you to control yourself, ask others for help, there’s nothing wrong with that. Over time you will succeed, be patient. good luck!

[cleolinda]

My sister noticed

Previously on: I grew up in a haunted house and I didn't notice: So I told you a story about how a Count Chocula used to creep behind me at night when I was a child, and I described my very weird childhood home to you. I told you how my sister had Something Dark living in her bedroom, and I told you about the time she and I compared notes and realized that we also had the ghost of a young woman in the house. Maybe.

I asked my sister to read over the draft for me, maybe gather up the fortitude to fill in some details, and she texted back, "Oh, I'll tell you anything you want. But that’s not how it happened."

I am willing to believe her version for two reasons:

1) My memory has been shit after having covid umpteen thousand times.

2) I actually remember her version of the conversation we had, now that it's in front of me.

I also remember my version, is the thing—the one where I told her about Rebecca when we were younger. And that raises some questions about how independent, how uncompromised, our experiences were. But I think those questions are themselves the story. Can I trust my memory at all? I had such bad brain fog the first time I had covid that I could not remember how to scramble eggs. A lot of things are just mist to me now. There's what I remember and there's what actually happened, but what do I even remember? And that's before you even get into the idea that we're talking about ghosts we "felt" in the house. We saw no apparitions, no shadows, no odd movements.

This is not a story where I'm asking you to believe me.

There are things you experience, and things that happen. An example from the winter of 2016:

What I experienced was standing out on our deck one night and looking up at the stars. They were moving in a slight swirl motion, not unlike the painting Starry Night. I turned to my mom and said, "Well, the stars are moving, so if the world ends or something any time soon, here's our first sign." She stared at me.

What happened was, our upstairs heating unit had a leak, and I sustained mild carbon monoxide poisoning. (I like rooms to be cool, so I had used the heater less than most people would, at least.) This was only discovered during a routine furnace check, after my vision had been a little weird and I had been deeply fatigued for two or three months. I have had a CO monitor upstairs ever since.

Did I see the stars swirling? Yes. Were they? No. That's the distinction I want you to make while I tell you all this. Did my sister and I experience things? Yes. Do I know what happened? No.

So what I agree happened was, we were having Grownup Sunday Family Dinner a few years back, maybe 2019 or so. I had been really into Buzzfeed Unsolved, which later evolved into Watcher Entertainment, but my sister was refusing to watch any of it. She's a big fan now, but she only started watching the guys last year. Yesterday, we tried to piece this back together via text.

My sister ["MS" from here on out]: Like I feel like off and on for years you mentioned [Shane and Ryan's shows] and I refused

MS: And one day my argument was to talk about our own house

Me [let's go with Cleolinda Jones, "CJ"]: You said you felt like fake ghost shows were disrespectful to people who actually experienced [hauntings].

MS: YES I FEEL LIKE THAT WAS THE CONVO

I love paranormal investigation shows, whether they're patently fake or not, as long as I enjoy the people investigating, so I couldn't understand why they personally offended her. Pulling at this thread back in 2019 is how the the whole ghost story started coming out.

CJ: And I was like, okay, but here’s one show where they get, like, nothing, but I can promise you that it's real

(Because the Unsolved/Watcher shows pair a believer with an actual skeptic who still, lo these many years later, does not believe in any of it. I truly believe Shane and Ryan would not stage "evidence," for that reason. Shane makes fun of ghosts and people who believe in them, but he's honest about it, and my sister likes that.)

At this point, we go back to the first version of the story that I posted: my sister had told me that Something had lived in the Four Closets Bedroom with her when she was a preteen/early teenager. It felt very dark, very bad, and she had not told anyone else about it until that dinner. The way I relayed it to you, Dear Reader, was that she hadn't wanted to go into detail, and I wasn't sure what it looked like, or if it "lived" in the little witch closet, or what. That night at dinner, I had gone on to tell her that, you know, now that you mention it, I did feel like something used to follow me up there at night. And this was when "My sister started crying. Like just staring at me in wide-eyed horror, her eyes filling with tears" had come in.

1. Something Dark

CJ: So you were telling me about our house being haunted. Something in your room. How would you describe it?

MS: I think it more lived in the attic

(our pal the dark fucked-up attic room)

MS: but would roam the entire floor so I felt it in the peach room [my (Cleo's) old bedroom and then later, my sister's] but more so in [the Four Closets Bedroom] as it was closer to the attic

MS: The best way I can describe it is just never feeling like I was alone. Feeling like something was always behind me. But I refused to turn around to look. It felt like a darkness that almost oozed behind you in a way that was almost suffocating.

CJ: What I find interesting is that we both describe it as Just Feelings, and never feeling alone.

My sister texted me at this point that she used to sense Something upstairs whether it was day or night; "even in the day, it didn't feel safe." But night was worse.

MS: There was one night in 3rd grade when I was reading and had like my first panic attack because I was newer to living upstairs and I felt it come in the room at night for the first time

MS: I also used to feel compelled to keep the AC running all night like it was never cold enough.

Here's the weird thing: when we moved to the house where I currently live and our rooms were on the same floor, we always fought over the thermostat. My sister hated her bedroom being too cool, whereas I get hot. I remember one night, we were arguing over it, and she was weirdly on the verge of tears: "Why do you have to have it so cold?" In 2023, my sister texted me at this point that she didn't want our childhood home to be cold; it was like the thing wanted that temperature, even if she hated it.

You often hear that ghosts make rooms cold, that's a big ghost hunter show thing—but whatever was up there couldn't lower the temperature on its own?

CJ: "If you can’t make it cold yourself, storebought is fine"

CJ: And you don’t have a visual impression of it, I’m not just blowing past that?

MS: I refused. REFUSED to look. Ever. For any reason.

CJ: I did too, so that’s interesting

CJ: I describe it as a Count Chocula, which should tell you how much it didn’t bother me. Which I find weird

(Truly, there is a reason I titled that post "I grew up in a haunted house and I didn't notice.")

MS: I can’t tell if it was truly terrifying. Or if the amount of data I was getting from it was just so overwhelming that that alone was terrifying to a child. I wish I could answer that now.

CJ: Yeah, in some way I think we’re saying the same thing. I was seven years old and I couldn’t comprehend what it was, either, so I just imagined a silly vampire

CJ: like I can’t overstate how cartoonish it seemed to me at the time, while still being very DON’T LOOK BACK

Part of the problem, she added, was that she felt compelled to go turn down the air conditioning... and the thermostat was next to the (carpeted. shag carpeted) bathroom. And then she had to race back to her bedroom... the same way I used to, as quick as she could.

MS: I also felt like I could NOT run. Like the way you shouldn’t run away from a mountain lion. It would create the need for it to chase me.

MS: What is so strange is that [learning about paranormal investigation] has not changed my perception of my experience in the slightest. Whether that’s the reality or not. It is still something I find dark and terrifying.

CJ: I think you would answer this differently now than you did then: what do you think it was?

We discussed this by text for a while. I mentioned being intrigued that Something Dark wanted to be cold (but apparently was not able to make the room cold). My sister—having agreed to be quoted here—said, "I kinda hope to avoid someone being like 'you had a demon in your house,'" as she doesn't really feel like that's what it was. Her gut feeling (and, bear in mind, we are working off nothing but feelings here) is that it was a spirit or ghost: something formerly human. We agree that it seemed male in some way (again: a Chocula).

And you're probably thinking, This is total bullshit. And it probably is! I'm not claiming any of this to be real evidence! I just find it interesting that we somehow came up with the same bullshit.

CJ: It just fascinates me that I did not experience 90% of this, and yet I got a strong enough whiff of it that I’m like, yeah, I can see it

But what about the female presence, the one I went off to color with in the middle of the night?

2. Rebecca

MS: I didn’t find out you had done the ouija board until we were adults. You didn’t tell me when we were kids

MS: That’s why I was SO shocked when we talked at the dinner table.

See, I was convinced that I had told her about my ouija adventures when I was a teenager, and "What about Rebecca??" flowed really well in the first post. That conversation was already a bit fictionalized in order to condense it from what I remembered—that's how memoirs work, really, unless you have actual transcripts of your life and room to include them. You're telling a story. I thought I was telling a condensed version of a true story. And yet, I do remember how shocked my sister was at dinner that night. And she would have only been seven or eight when I was messing around with that shit. Those two things do support the idea that I wouldn't have told her.

MS: You did tell me skeletons lived in my closet tho

I told you I was kind of a shit.

CJ: when I told you about Rebecca, what was your reaction?

MS: That’s when I went white. Bc I realized we had had a similar experience and I wasn’t just crazy

CJ: The thing is, I WOULD HAVE SWORN I had told you about Rebecca when we were younger

MS: If you did you didn’t name her and that’s why it was nuts when I realized 2 decades later we pulled the same name and we both remembered it.

We did it again, too—I posted briefly about putting this whole saga together, and how my sister asked me to give the ghost a pseudonym (ghosts deserve privacy too). And in trying to think of a good replacement, we both came up with "Rebecca."

CJ: so how did you know the [original] name?

MS: Ouija board with [best friend, redacted] in the playroom when I was like 13. She cried the whole time. We both thought the other was moving [the planchette].

You'll remember the weird, windowless, sky-blue playroom with the scary door from the previous post.

MS: But she was crying so she wouldn’t have been. And I would have never pulled out the name [Not Actually Rebecca]

MS: There was part of me that wonders if I did it but I would have NEVER chosen Rebecca

CJ: So did I bring Rebecca up first in this conversation [at dinner in 2019], or did you? I did?

MS: You said it first. I would have never [told you first] cuz I would have thought you were placating me. Like I’d never really know if you weren’t just agreeing with me

And that's when my sister had "stared at me, saucer-eyed, pale. Like I'm not sure I had ever seen anyone 'go white' until that moment." And I had told her about getting up at midnight and going to color in the weird playroom, and someone else being in there with me, no big deal.

After all this discussion, we do think that Rebecca was briefly my "imaginary friend," but our mom told me to stop talking about that. Not because our mom was spooked, but because she felt like it was rude for me to talk about someone I was presumably making up in front of company. So that stopped. Thinking back on it, I just felt like someone was sitting next to me on the couch. I didn't feel anyone next to me; when I looked, I felt like I could see where... someone was not? The space that someone invisible was taking up? It felt like something reasonably friendly. "Chill" is the word I keep using. Not super eager or possessive, just like a girl who was a bit older, maybe a teenager, a babysitter age, who liked me well enough. There was some dark shit in the attic, apparently—it did feel very oppressive in there—but I would get a sense that a metaphorical desk lamp had been turned on. A presence that stayed back, relaxed, but emanated "hey, I'm here."

What my sister and I agreed on was that we remembered how these "feelings" were both vague and memorable. I can't remember events or chronology accurately, but I remember the actual sensations and presences very, very clearly. They resist reinterpretation. I can't sit here and say, "Oh, Rebecca was totally a guardian angel, I see that now." The Something Dark sounds functionally demonic, but my sister doesn't feel like that's accurate. (If anything, she gets a sense that this could have been a malicious uncle—not father—of some kind to Rebecca, if the two beings were related: particular in their vagueness.) These two presences just... were. My sister says she primarily sensed Rebecca outdoors in our backyard, when we were pretending (were we?) to play with fairies. I didn't sense Rebecca there—but then, I wasn't aware that what I sensed was a someone, not for another thirty years or so. My oblivious ass was up at midnight filling in my She-Ra coloring book with a ghost like, "Yeah, I'm alone in the dark for no reason, this is normal." It's only in retrospect that I recognize atmospheric feelings as things that actually took up space, and I don't know how I didn't see it at the time. I can't explain that, and I can't ask you to believe it. All I know is that my sister still feels very traumatized by her experience of it—and I can't explain why I don't.

I think one of the reasons paranormal investigation shows don't scare me a whole lot is because so much of the "evidence" is random knocks and creaks and movements and vibes, and I'm like, yeah, I've lived in two houses now like that. The door of my current bedroom opens and closes on its own all the time. It's probably a draft from the ventilation system (which does not have CO leaks anymore) (probably). I've seen something at this house that a lot of people might call a shadow person, but I was probably imagining it. So many of these ghost shows just have things that I grew up with and didn't even think a whole lot of at the time; I seem to be protected by a +3 Sphere of Sure, That's Fine. Is my current house also haunted? I honestly don't know. Would I notice if it was?

[the-travelling-witch]

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐍 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒

summary: you can't help but admire your boyfriend's freckles under the setting sun

pairing: modern au! aether x gn! reader

warnings: fluff (i'm so soft for him), mentions of insecurities (aether)

modern au masterlist || genshin masterlist

There were a lot of things people could hold against summer; the heat, sunburns, mosquitoes. 

But not you. You could never see anything but stellar beauty in summer.

Not when it was the reason why you could lie under a canopy of vines and fairy lights on your balcony, why you could drink in the last rays of light over the horizon in the warm evening air or why you could listen to the birds sing their last song of the evening as the crickets took over from them.

And yet you were even more grateful for being able to card your fingers through your lover’s hair of lightened gold and faded streaks of pink and green. Resembling silk of the highest quality, it draped over his shoulder with the motion of your hand, lifting like a curtain to reveal the sun-kissed skin underneath.

How could you ever scorn summer when it was the reason Aether’s skin was covered in galaxies of sunborn stars?

Slowly, reverently, your fingers traced along the constellations on the top of his shoulders, connecting the stars your lips mapped out as you brushed against the tiny marks you had become as familiar with as with the back of your hand. 

“You know,” the blond spoke up, voice demure as if he didn’t want to disturb the tranquil atmosphere, though those few syllables spoke much louder to the seriousness of the topic he was about to breach. “I used to not like my freckles. I tried hiding them with makeup, wore sleeves long enough to cover them and all. Summer was the worst time for me.”

“What changed?” You asked, brushing your thumb over the freckle clusters on his cheeks as you watched the sun reflect and rise anew in those striking eyes of his. Certainly, a change in attitude such as this, one where he started embracing what he previously disliked, couldn’t have come easy and you didn’t want to diminish his feelings because of your own adoration.

“I met someone,” he whispered, like it was a confession, as his hands took inspiration from your wandering ones. With his fingers splayed over the small of your back, a comfortable warmth spread over the length of your spine as he anchored you in place as if he never wanted to part from you. “Someone who faced those doubts and silenced them with genuine affirmations. Someone who I could show my flaws to without fear of leaving myself vulnerable. Someone who showed me there was a different way to think and made me learn something new about myself.”

“I never thought of them as flaws,” you muttered, hoping to convey all your gratitude in the kiss which followed your thumb’s path. “I’ve always thought they were beautiful.”

“I know,” Aether replied meekly, his usually radiant smile a little wobbly under the onslaught of emotions he was experiencing all at once. “And I’ve always wanted to believe you.”

“I’ll repeat it until you can,” you promised, brushing a strand behind his ear, even if only to give you a chance to trace more of his honeydew skin and reveal more of the freckles  framing his eyes. “Because you deserve to see yourself the way I see you. Nobody should be deprived of a sight this gorgeous.”

“I still don’t think it could hold a candle to what I’m seeing.” His featherlight touch mirrored yours in the position and softness with which he cradled your cheek. The notion of holding the world in one’s hands had never occurred to you as plausible, until you met Aether’s gaze of devotion and veneration.

If you were the world, however, then you must have been holding something otherworldly. With his warm skin hued in an ethereal, aureate glow, it was as if he himself was a star, which had come to you from the vast ocean beyond the sky. Much like wishing upon a shooting star, your dreams had come true as you gazed at him, held him, called him yours and yourself his.

Then, almost as if heaven and earth had willed time to slow, nothing but the two of you existed when you met each other halfway. The kiss was simultaneously too much and not enough and you burrowed your hand in his golden roots, cushioning the back of his head as he let himself fall back, pulling you down with him. 

True to its purpose, the hand on your back kept you steady against him, even as you both caught your breath. Even from the close proximity, you could only stare in awe as your theory of his heavenly origins was proven right by the radiance of his star speckled skin and the brilliant halo framing his face.

So how could you scorn summer when it revealed your lover’s true beauty?

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[sseomtada]

being [ruben dias]

the rekindling of your relationship continues, leaving a confession of your own pending.

warnings: 18+ | wc: 5576 | 5/8

Was there a name for a honeymoon phase the second time around?

There wasn’t a technical phrase, you checked. Interestingly, among your research, you came across an article that perfectly articulated what you were experiencing with Ruben. It was the stage of your relationship where you now saw their imperfections and flaws, where you didn’t see your partner on the pedestal you initially place them on in the beginning.

He was no longer the one person who could do no wrong in your eyes or the one who held all the answers to your problems. You weren’t the co-dependent and starry eyed girl who only viewed others through a lens of what you wanted them to be either.

You were okay with that and so was he.

After making quite the…mess in your office, there wasn’t much face to face interaction between you two. Ruben was quickly whisked away by his team to another country for a Champions League match. Even though that initially felt like an inconvenience, you shifted the perspective to something more constructive.

It gave you time to sit with your thoughts and emotions. You still had no regrets about getting back together with him, but you had to truly assess the decision from every angle within. The way it transpired seemed relatively rushed at first. In retrospect, you realized it was anything but hasty.

Your previously relationship with Ruben never came to an organic end. There was no fizzling out or love lost, only an obstacle that he didn’t give himself or you a chance to push through. Had things been different and he brought his fears to you then, would you have ever broken up?

All roads you took in that vein lead you to believe that you wouldn’t have. Of course, there was no way to know for sure what the future held for that version of events. Anything could’ve happened over the course of those seven years that might’ve eventually drove a wedge between you. However, as things were, there was no end in sight.

Maybe that was why it still was effortless with him, potentially even more so now than it was then. You’d both experienced a lot of growth as one naturally does when life progresses. The people you were currently and the past you shared left no room for pretense. He came as he was, raw and unfiltered in his accountability. You didn’t feel obligated to give him anything in return - you wanted to. And that carried the most weight.

“What happened to the sofa?”

Cindy’s question brought you back to a startling reality. You tried to reign in your nervous expression, smoothing fallen hairs at the back of your neck.

“I made a big mess with some takeout.” Even you had a hard time buying that. “It was irredeemable. A new one should be here in a few hours.”

Aki came in from the kitchen, munching on the lo mein. “Shame. I really liked that big, comfy thing.”

That nibbling guilt returned to your stomach. Compounded onto the fact that you still had yet to tell her about the first conversation was now the big revelation that you’d gotten back together with Ruben. Your apprehension only grew worse with the addition of the later.

It didn’t stem from a lack of trust or a fear of judgment. She was somebody that you could confess a murder to and it would only be met with a response like, do you need help hiding the body?

You just knew that it wouldn’t be highly celebrated news. The way things ended, her being caught in the crossfire and the absolute wreck you were would be the things playing at the forefront of her mind when you told her. It was no fault of hers, literally anyone else in the same position wouldn’t be able to not think back to that time.

Perhaps stronger than any of that was the worry that your confession would hurt her. The last thing you wanted was for her to feel like you didn’t consider the pain she carried silently in regards to Ruben. It was a complicated situation that you were still trying to navigate internally.

Luckily, for the time being, you had the distraction of work. Erling’s project was on its finishing touches. You’d finalized the website and had it ready to launch, Aki aced securing a major partnership and Cindy was working with his assistant to put together a small launch party.

Did they buy the excuse about the “takeout”.

You bit down on a smile as your fingers typed quickly.

I think so. The leftovers in the fridge sold it more than I did.

“What’s got you all giggly?” Aki materialized at your door.

You jumped slightly, startled by not even hearing her approach. The messages app flicked shut and you placed your phone down before feigning business at your monitors.

“My mom sent me another one of those videos of her cat.” You replied with ease that shocked yourself.

It wasn’t entirely a lie. She did often send you videos of Jason being a weirdo. Your pseudo sibling had to be the most uncoordinated and ungraceful feline in existence. The latest snippet shared actually did come in this morning with him leaping up and completely missing a tree branch.

“That little guy is spectacularly peculiar.” Her lips pursed. Another white lie seemed to have passed.

“Tell me about it.” You chuckled. “What’s up?”

She slung dramatically across your guest chair. “Just wanted to know if you were burning the midnight oil again.”

Though certainly not her intention, her words made the ache between your thighs prominent to your senses. You squeezed them together and shut down the flashbacks running through your head as you shifted in your seat.

“I should actually try to rest since we have the party in two nights.” You exhaled lengthily.

It was well into the wee hours when you got home this morning, for obvious reasons. And for those same causes, or singular driver, you were too hopped up on adrenaline to fall straight asleep. It didn’t help that you were giggling on the phone with him like you were twelve either.

“Ugh, you’re right.” Aki groaned, shooting back on to her feet to exit. “About the party and the rest, by the way. Not even my emergency kit can rescue you from those eye bags. Luggage at this point.”

Before you could hurl a playful insult back or a pen from your desk, she made quick her escape. You shook your head and decided to actually start getting a move on your tasks for the day. Being snug under your blanket at a decent hour actually sounded like a fantastic idea.

After a nice, long soak in your bathtub, you threw on a onesie and a sheet mask to really activate the relaxation vibe.

The next order of business was finding something good to eat. As much as you wanted to start munching on those delicious chocolate covered ice ream bars in your freezer, you refrained until you could actually get a meal in your stomach.

Rifling through your fridge and pantry was kind of depressing. You’d been so busy recently that there wasn’t time to do a good grocery haul. Most of the food you ate had been acquired on the go and you wanted to cook for a change, but that didn’t look as if it was going to happen tonight.

You wouldn’t complain about ordering in though. Opening the takeout app was just as exhilaration as going on your favorite retail sites. There were so many options and all of your favorites were right at your fingertips.

Your mouth couldn’t help but water as you scrolled through to decide what your poison was going to be tonight. Just as you were looking through the offerings at an Italian place nearby, your phone screen was taken over by a call.

“What are you up to?” The smile in Ruben’s voice was audible.

“I was mid pasta hunt before you interrupted.” You tutted.

“That’s funny, I’m making some right now.” In the background, you heard a pan meeting a stovetop.

So, he was already back home then. You didn’t watch the match earlier, but you did check in on the result. It wasn’t a shock that his team had won given that they were so dominant in the sport - a fact you came to know rather belatedly.

“I can make enough for two, if you want.” Ruben continued.

“Extra cheese. I’ll be there soon.” You grinned before hanging up.

The sheet mask stayed on until the very last minute after you threw on some sweats. It felt like you were holding your breath as you left your loft. Aki wasn’t some overbearing friend that kept tabs on your comings and goings, yet you found yourself easing the door shut to minimize any alert of your exit.

It wasn’t a lie when you told her you wanted to turn in early tonight, you reminded yourself. That was actually the plan and you were halfway there. But when the pasta gods intervened, well, who were you to shun them?

Your car left the garage with Ruben’s address set on the navigation. He messaged it to you, making you laugh silently. Seeing it brought you back to what you guessed was the first tug on the string that unravelled everything. You’d known where he lived since his name popped up on Nike’s mailing list.

A short and smooth twenty minutes - more like fifteen since you kinda hit the gas - found you pulling into his parking garage. One thing he did provide that you needed to know was the code for entry. You took the guest spot beside his jeep and made your way inside.

“So, this is what making a shit ton of money will get you.” Your brows raised as he let you in.

“Mhm,” Ruben kissed you quickly. Then slower the second time. “Wait until you see the view.”

You jokingly gasped and followed the scent of aromatics to his kitchen. While your cooking skills were described as survivable at best, he always had a talent for putting together a really tasty dish. A moan sounded from you as you leaned over the steaming pan.

“I set the wine out on the balcony. Go get comfy, I’ll bring your plate.” He nudged your hips with his.

“Yes, sir.” You bit your lip and made your way over.

When you first stepped into his place, you thought the air was running but the exterior door was cracked. A wide grin broke of once you stepped outside to see the small setup with the admittedly impressive backdrop of the city. He’d turned on the lowlights and lit a few candles. A bottle of red was waiting for you as promised, along with a blanket folded over one of the seats.

You wrapped the thick, knitted fabric around your frame before pouring yourself a decent amount of wine. As you sipped, you took a deep breath and enjoyed the atmosphere. It must be one of his favorite ways to relax away from what seemed to be a hectic life these days.

“Are you comfortable?” Ruben appeared with your food, as promised.

You nodded, extending a hand to help him out. He joined in on your state of coziness and you poured him a glass too.

“Cheers.” He held his out.

“To what?” Your voice lowered.

“Being yours and getting to call you mine again.” Ruben placed a hand over your own.

You shook your head, calling him corny. but it was impossible to hide the way his words flustered you. It was nice to know that the years apart didn’t rob him of his ability to be so romantic. Also pleasant to note was that his cooking had gotten even better.

Your eyes widened as you took a bite of the chicken. It was juicy and perfectly seasoned. As if you couldn’t believe what you’d tasted, you went in immediately for a second bite with the pasta this time. Your palate was being blessed, objectively.

“I asked one of the team’s chefs for their recipe.” Ruben chuckled at your surprise.

“It’s so good.” You shimmed on your third chew.

Over your delicious meal, you asked him a series of questions that you were curious about. The first of them being whether or not this was a date. Of course. You apologized for being underdressed. Don’t be silly, we’re matching. That was true, those grey sweats of his…

Your mind refocused onto the impromptu Q&A. One thing you were definitely intrigued about was that first night you ran into each other. What was he doing in that area? That time of night and the lowkey look he wore honestly screamed leaving a booty call. If that was what it was, you couldn’t be mad.

“Some friends from back home were staying at a hotel nearby.” He answered. “I thought I was going crazy when I saw you running and called out but-”

“Headphones.” You rolled your eyes.

“Yes. And then it became a whole thing when you dropped your keys. Nice swing, by the way.” Ruben tipped his glass to you.

The compliment was returned, “Nice reaction time.”

“Tell that to my back.” He grumbled.

You wrapped up your meal and headed back inside to tidy things up. Ruben knew better than to object because if there was one thing you hated, it was leaving a kitchen a mess before heading to bed. The least you would settle for was rinsing everything and placing them in the dishwasher, which you did as his eyes followed.

“So,” You walked over to where he sat on a bar stool. “Are you gonna give me the grand tour?”

His lips curled as he hummed. “This place looks best in the morning.”

Your body found itself between his legs after he pulled you close. Ruben grinned mischievously before tilting forward to taste you. It was instant, the way you opened up for him. His teeth flashing in between your tongues meeting showed just how much he liked that.

“Are you implying something?” You spoke into his mouth.

“Maybe,” He breathed. “Should I just come out and say it?”

You nodded slowly, hands sliding up the the soft fabric covering his muscled thighs.

“Stay with me.”

“Okay-“

Your acceptance was barely completed before it was replaced with a yelp. Ruben stood up and lifted you into his arms. In the time it took you to get to his bedroom, you could’ve scanned around a bit to see a preview of what was to come in the morning. You were too focused on him though.

The prominent vein running along the side of his neck was begging to be kissed. So you pressed your mouth to it - lips parted and hungry. You felt him shudder under the licks and sucks you gave it and all too soon, you were detached to be placed on top of his sprawling bed.

Ruben crawled over you, lifting the back of your knee with his own to hitch your leg over his hips. You giggled into his hungry kisses and then moaned. A sneaky hand of his had made its way under your hoodie, thumb brushing over your hardened nipple as he massaged your breast.

You bit down on his bottom lip, bucking into him - already on the hunt for some kind of relief for your thrumming core. He used his lower half to pin you still. It only made your urge grow into agony, feeling the one thing you wanted most concealed by too many layers. When you tried a stealthy maneuver of your own, he was quick to catch it.

“Always so impatient.” Ruben tutted as he caught your wrist.

“Always such a tease.” You gave it right back.

He chuckled in a way that said I’m gonna make you eat your words. By God, you hoped he did sooner rather than later. You pressed your palms to the bed and pushed up. The silent request was thankfully met with him at least removing your top layer.

You caressed his head and let your back meet the sheets once more as he kissed down your body. Ruben stopped at the waistband of your sweats, giving it a pull between his teeth. A vexed moan sounded in your throat. He shushed you, curling his fingers into either side of your pants before dragging them down.

“Someone came prepared.” His comment came in response to your lack of underwear.

Your look of annoyance didn’t last long. It was swiftly replaced with one of bliss when you felt his mouth close around your pussy, tongue slicing you open for him to get a taste. He exhaled deeply through his nose and tugged you flush to his face.

“Yes, fuck-“ Your breath caught.

Ruben arched his tongue around your clit in a full circle before settling under to push it upwards. You writhed beneath him. The voice in your mind was chastising you as loudly as your body was crying out. It was never a good idea to challenge him.

He was easily the most competitive person you’d ever met, proving it yet again as he held your swollen bud up with a glint in his eye. Chipping away at your resolve. Waiting for your concession. You knew when to choose your battles.

“Please...” The shakiness in your voice really sealed the deal.

His tongue finally licked up your clit and then all over it on the way down. Your thighs locked him in while he gave it his undivided attention, thorough as ever to avoid missing a single spot. Each nerve in the bundle got its kiss, flick and suck.

There were no other sounds in the room besides your labored breaths and cries, his grunts and wet mouth growing drencher with your never ending slick. Your fingers threaded through his hair, pressing him deeper still.

It was right there. The torturously slow buildup preceding the crescendo. You just needed a bit more. Your hips rolled in circles, side to side and then up and down. When he slurped at your hole before twisting his tongue inside, they stilled. He knew he hit the target then and so he kept going.

You mouth stammered over your words as your body did the same in his hold. They were both saying the same thing nonetheless. Ruben spurred you on, a hand coming down on the side of your ass while his tongue kept lapping at your clit.

A guttural noise clawed its way out of you as you tensed and released into his lingering mouth all over again. Once you were reduced to nothing but limp muscles and jolts of aftershocks, he resurfaced.

“So good, baby.” Ruben leaned over to press his glistening lips to yours.

There was no trace left of him in the kiss. The insides of his cheeks, tops and bottoms of his gums and tongue all tasted of you. It sparked life back into your bones, a physical manifestation of what your glasses met over earlier.

Yours.

Mine.

In an unsuspecting move, you flipped him over until you were straddling his hips. Your fingers dug into his shoulders as you dragged your drenched core slid over his hardened length. It was him that was left squirming beneath you this time, something you’d delight in if you hadn’t already been pushed over the ledge.

Ruben was in the same headspace. His eyes mirrored your own, nearly black with yearning. The layers of his clothing joined yours in a heap at his bedside. No underwear either. Your brows raised alongside your hips, someone was prepared.

A chorus of sighs and moans filled the air as you sank down onto his cock. Your head dropped back, hands pressing into his chest. The way his heartbeat ran wild under your fingertips made your lips tug.

To test your readiness, you arched your back. More glide than burn. You started building your rhythm, thighs tensing to help you move up and down. The more confident you became in taking him, the more your body loosened.

Your ass rolled like a wave, tempo rising each time your flesh came flush to his. Oh, God, you thought you heard him say. Actually, you were sure he’d said it. The way he looked up at you, hands moving to cup your breasts confirmed it.

Along with his noises and your own came the meeting of the back of your hips on the tops of his thighs. It was the only sound that ever made you understand the term music to my ears. You slammed harder, deeper, more pointed to draw even more of those notes out of his beautifully agape mouth.

His cock was a thing of wonder, the way it filled you up. So snug between your walls that you could feel the prominent vein running along its back as you worked him base to tip and back again. So intoxicating, your mind was stuck like glue on the feeling of how much of you he was coated in.

You folded forward, unsynchronized breaths mingling with his as you gave him a kiss that matched the same energy. A spell of confusion caused your compass to malfunction and made you lose your way. How was it even possible for him to feel this good?

Ruben was right there to guide you back as he so often had been before. His knees bent and his hands settled under your hips while his own raised into you. The vein in his neck swelled thick with rushing blood just like the one fucking into your pussy did with his seed.

Mine.

Yours.

The earth cracked and shattered and you quaked. His arms circled your waist tight, holding you as he weathered both of your storms. Everything around you crumbled and faded out of existence. For the next euphoric moments that followed, only you and him remained.

After a prolonged period of feeling the prick of his facial hair under your fingertips and his own running up and down your spine, he guided you to his shower. The water pressure offered a nice massage, but paled in effort to the relief his hands brought as they glided over your skin.

Ruben held the covers open for you to slip under, a call that would never go unanswered. You molded to him in a way that made you shudder. Your head rested in the crook of his arm that curled around your shoulders, a leg nestled snugly between his - not too spacious and not too compressed, just right.

You blinked slowly, lashes brushing his nearby skin. “Ruben?”

“Hm?” His chest rumbled.

“Promise me that even if this doesn’t last, things won’t end like they did before.”

He stopped breathing for a second and so did you. Back then, you probably would’ve said something like promise you won’t ever leave. You never thought to because you didn’t believe he ever would’ve.

Now, you realized the flaw in that sort of ask. If he said he wouldn’t and then he did, you couldn’t accuse him of lying. No one thought in the moments where they were deeply enamored with one another that they’d part, just as no one who got married for love would only do so to divorce.

Ruben inhaled again and tilted your face upwards, “I promise.”

Your eyes searched his for any trace of disingenuousness. When they were met with a steady, unblinking, challenging gaze, you were finally filled with ease. You kissed him gently and resumed your previous position.

“Besides,” He snuggled deeper into you. “If anything, you’re gonna have to get rid of me. I’ll be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and-”

You pressed a finger to his lips. “I get it. Go to sleep.”

For the first time in ages, you must’ve clocked in more than five hours of uninterrupted rest.

When your eyes peeled open, they were met with a fully lit sky instead of darkness or the murky beginnings of a sunrise. Your back bowed and then froze in position. Instead of being met with warmth, all you felt were cool sheets.

Just when you thought you might’ve lost Ruben to training or something, you heard rattling coming from the kitchen. There was also the faint scent of espresso drifting from under the door. You slid on his discarded sweatshirt from the pile that moved to his armchair and ventured out.

“There’s my beautiful chainsaw.” Ruben smiled as you appeared.

You smacked his bare back to earn a hiss, “I do not snore.”

“Only when you’re exhausted, love.” He handed you a steaming cup. “Did you sleep well?”

Your hand extended, beckoning to him. Ruben bent to meet it and melted under your fingertips that drew him near. You kissed him appreciatively, not wanting a moment to go by where you didn’t show him how grateful you were that he looked after you with care.

“I did.” You took a sip of your coffee and moaned. “Now where’s my tour?”

He shook his head with a grin and whisked you away to the entrance. In true social media giant with millions of followers style, he walked you through his apartment bit by bit. There was the coat closet, riveting and the guest rooms, very spacious. Then his bedroom which you’d already gotten very familiar with, he added.

All that was really left was the main open living space. What you were really interested in was his shelf and the mantle with all of his pictures, medals and awards. He explained the occasion and meaning behind each of them. Premier Leagues, domestic cups, bests of the season. You ran your thumb over the one you knew held the most meaning.

“Champions League…” Though you were infinitely proud of his achievement, your heart was heavy.

Ruben had spoken so much about it from the time when you were kids. He always knew that he was going to become a footballer, and a great one at that. This title was one he longed for vocally on many days.

“When I lift the trophy again,” He hugged you from behind and kissed your cheek. “You’ll be there with me.”

You nodded, wanting that dream to become a reality more than anything else. Well, besides being with him when he won the World Cup. At least that would be a first you got to experience together.

He took you back to the kitchen where he’d already started on breakfast. The toast was ready and after frying some eggs and adding slices of avocado, you both dug in. Such a simple meal that never missed the spot.

“So, Erling’s party is tomorrow night.” Ruben shot you a look.

Of course, the whole team was on the invite list you’d spied over Cindy’s shoulder. You knew what he was getting at and you also knew that it had to be today when you sat Aki down to have that conversation.

“I’ll tell her when I get back.” You promised.

“You don’t have to be nervous. She loves you, no matter what.” He reassured. “Me on the other hand…”

That was going to be the interesting part for sure. You wished you had some words to dispel his fears, but you both knew that they didn’t really exist. Her dislike for him was palatable, nearly a match for your mother’s - which was another bridge you certainly weren’t remotely ready to cross.

“One step at a time.” Was the best you could come up with.

It seemed to be good enough for Ruben, who approved with a half smile.

Wrapping up breakfast and trying to leave to actually get your day started was the hardest thing you’d done in recent memory. All you wanted to do was stay in this perfect little bubble with him - his arms caging you in, lips peppering your face, his deep voice begging five more minutes.

On days like this in the past, you would’ve easily played hooky and called in sick. Alas, that was when you were working for someone you honestly hated. Now that you had your own company, there was no room for letting your work fall behind since it all rode on you.

Ruben gave you one final searing kiss that took up the last of his allotted five minutes before you got into your car. The way you were beaming on the drive back to your place was kind of mortifying once you’d snapped out of your butterfly induced haze.

Almost immediately, it was replaced with sweaty palms and a racing heart. And not in the infatuation sense. You gave yourself a pep talk in the elevator as you headed up, remembering Ruben’s words. He was right and so were you, there was nothing to be afraid of.

Still, you found yourself tiptoeing once the lift got to your floor. You’d adopted his stalling tactic of promising that in just a bit more time, you would head over to hers. Maybe you should tidy up the place beforehand and -

“Ahem.”

You wanted to scream, but instead became that the woman was too stunned to speak meme. Aki was sitting cross legged on your sofa. She’d clearly been there for some time based off the empty plate and drained glass on the coffee table. It was now or never.

“I’ve got to tell you something.” You made your way over to join her.

“Spill! You’ve been acting weird for a while now.” She griped. “Are you having doubts about the business? Is the shitty weather making you moody? Wait…are you seeing somebody?!”

“Yes!” The answer to her rambling barrage came out louder than intended.

Aki stared at you wide eyed and then began going on another spiel, this time of excitement. You reeled her in, literally, by taking both her hands in yours. A silent version of the affirmations you gave yourself earlier ran through your head as you took a breath.

“I am seeing someone, again. Ruben.” You finally admitted. “I know that sounds fucking insane, but let me explain.”

Seeing Aki take on a serious expression was something you’d only experienced a handful of times. Not many things made her completely shed the upbeat, fun-loving layers she wore, but it wasn’t surprising that your revelation was now one of them.

She listened as you started from the day you went to City’s training grounds and the car ride that followed. It wasn’t the most cheerful conversation to rehash, both your emotions and his in that moment still tugging viscerally on your heart. Your gaze dropped for a second, returning to hers when you felt her hands give yours a reassuring squeeze.

The rest tumbled out painlessly. You told her about him coming to the office when you worked late, how you and him realized that trying things again was worth a shot. And then, of course, your absence from your loft from this morning was cleared up.

All that was left out were the parts about the sex, especially the office couch incident. She probably would appreciate not having that visual, though you were sure her powers of deduction would do the work for you.

“Wow, that’s definitely not what I was expecting.” Aki chewed on her bottom lip.

You digested her response with a nod, your head bowing. It was more than a lot to take in, so you weren’t surprised that she wasn’t throwing a parade in congratulations for you reunion with Ruben.

She untangled her hands from yours only to pull you in for a hug. “I know it wasn’t an easy decision and I wish you didn’t feel like you had to make it alone.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.” You failed to hide your sniffle.

“Don’t be, I understand.” Aki pulled back, wiping your cheeks. “I only care about two things: are you sure about this and are you happy?”

Something like the grin you wore on your drive returned, “Yeah.”

She groaned and hugged you again, pulling you down to rest on top of her. Aki wrapped her legs around you, shaking your body side to side like she used to when you would try out the moves you’d seen on WrestleMania. You reached up to give her a peck on the cheek and she screamed, pushing you off.

“I bet you still have his spit in your mouth! Ew!” She scrambled from the sofa.

You ran after her, making kissy faces. “I thought you wanted me to be getting pounded religiously!”

That was enough to chase her right out of the front door.

[kwyw]

Here’s a little something for all the anons you’re getting about Robin from someone who is a parent.

There are just certain feelings and emotions that are so profound and specific to a situation that you can’t even imagine them until you’ve been there. Taylor has expressed this herself previously when she’s talked about writing ‘Soon you’ll get better’. Some things you don’t think about until they’re on your doorstep. Like cancer. Or pregnancy loss. And you certainly don’t have the unique insight into all of the emotions attached to those things until it affects you. I have unfortunately experienced both of them and I can absolutely tell the difference between someone who has been there and someone who’s empathetic to a friend’s experience. You cannot feel other people’s feelings no matter how close you are to them. These are her own experiences.

Parenthood is the same. The viewpoint changes when you are the parent yourself. Yes she’s written about childhood before, a ton in fact. But this is different. Those were songs reminiscent or mournful of her own childhood. Growing up too soon, missing the childhood innocence and screaming at those people that took her girlhood at an early age. That’s what Peter is about. She’s still grappling with that but Robin is very different. This is a parent’s view of a child and if you are not one you might not see that (and that’s fine). It’s one of those ‘you don’t see it until you’re in it’ moments. It’s the level of love where you’d be willing to tether clocks (even though it’s obviously futile) just to keep the sweet innocence a little longer. It’s that “I would do anything for you” love that really only exists between a parent and a child.

It’s also definitely about a boy because tigers/dinosaurs/muddy faces (without being too stereotypical) are very common toddler boy things, I can confirm, I’ve had two. And no mention of dolls houses or princess dresses from her own childhood.

I’m not ever going to defend this song from other people’s interpretations because Taylor clearly wants it disguised, I’m just saying if you are a parent, you know.

Thank you for this message. I’m not a parent myself, but it’s the only way I have ever been able hear it. It’s just so… specific.

[a-d-nox]

I was wondering if you could do a simplified way to read a chart. like use an example chart and show where you start with and so on

how to read a chart: the planets' signs and houses

the most simple way to read a chart is to break things down by sign, planet, and house. its better to start with the basics then step it up to evaluating the aspects in a chart, degrees, house rulers, asteroids, etc. there is plenty more to look at but this is a starting point - if there is interest, i will continue the discussion in a series. i am going to do something that i have never done before and dissect my own chart in front of everyone who is reading this in the most non-biased way in which i am capable.

the ascendant

pisces: as we know, a pisces rising is a skilled chameleon. they are so skilled that they can vanish into their surroundings. it is uncommon for a pisces to stand out even though they can be thought of as beautiful. most people take them for granted - people don't often give them the recognition they deserve. and because they don't, a pisces rising will undervalue themselves. not that they really want tons of recognition and power - that can be too much for an aloof and dreamy pisces person. a pisces rising is likely to create a persona to present to others - they can very quickly lose their true self to it too...

sun

scorpio: its like a dramatic love story - sex appeal meets jealously and obsessiveness. scorpio suns are known for their depth, obsessive, and analytical thoughts. they, like sheldon cooper, "don't need sleep" they "need answers". they will take things to the extreme if they don't find the answers they seek. they seek insight and intimacy - they want everything they can get out of life. scorpios are natural chasers - persistent ones at that. they are a bit childish though because they want everything to themselves including their knowledge - they might even weaponize what they know to be cruel to those they feel wronged them.

8h: 8h sun people are deep people - they don't do fluffy stuff. they like things succinct and purposeful. often they are identified as know intuitives - i mean they have the ability, they just need to tap into it and use/control it. they often hunger for self-knowledge (stuff like shadow-work, psychology, astrology, philosophy, etc is attractive to them). introspection is an art form for them. they enjoy analyzing and obsessing over things like that. either a 8h sun is driven by sex OR money, growth, and power OR maybe all of the above.

moon

scorpio: they have a very deep well of emotional energy - they feel nothing halfway. they are easily provoked and can go 0 to 100 very quickly (they are prone to boiling over / experiencing sudden outbursts). every emotion is very pure/vivid. they can be harsh and even cruel in emotional situations... emotionally, they are possessive and tend assume that others around them don't have it as bad as they do. everything can be a comparison for them - if someone is upset over something, they will comment with something "worse" that they previously experienced. they are quick to respond/react - they aren't the type to think before responding when they are upset. though they are sensitive, they have great inner strength and have the power to overcome any difficult emotional situations.

8h: emotionality is like a sixth sense - these people are intuitively gifted; they can sense not only their own feelings but everyone else's around them too. they are often obsessive when they feel intensely like this, especially when they are romantic. trust to them is the most important part of any connection. they are naturally jealous and suspicious of others so when they can't trust someone to be honest with them, they won't be vulnerable at all - they become cold and stoic. their trust issues are next level and often need professional help to work through. security is important to them in all senses so monetary savings are of their interest too.

mercury

scorpio: these people are intuitive and are known for their intensity. they have the gift of being logical/rational and determined all at once - they make great sleuths and detectives. generally, they struggle to leave any stones unturned. they hunger for truth and honesty, thus they enjoy research and the search for such. there is a tendency to become obsessive with the hunt for truth and honesty. they are often more introverted and apathetic than those around them. they struggle to open up just as they struggle to find honesty/trustworthiness in those around them. they are intellectual individuals who are easily fascinated.

8h: pessimism and/or deep thoughts are real with this placement. they have a dark mind that might be best suited for philosophy (especially existentialism) and/or occultism. they are predisposed to being overwhelmed by their emotions and being overly sensitive. often they are overcome by fantastical thoughts due to their over active mind. they seek spiritual growth via research and exploring life's many mysteries.

venus

sagittarius: these people are warm, enthusiastic, and lively. they require their independence - feeling tied too one person can be suffocating to them, especially, if that one person only fills their sexual or intellectual needs. they require both to feel comfortable staying in a connection. even then they are likely to experience more than one great romance in their lifetime. their relationships are best built on friendship first.

9h: there is a great hunger for travel and experience when it comes to this person. they are extremely likely to fall in love with a foreign land or a foreigner. it is considered rare for them to never travel and to in the stay in the same place they were born life long. they are notably wise and philosophical people who have an idealistic view and opinion of the world around them. university is likely to be an enjoyable experience for them where they gain more than just bookish experience that impacts them life long.

mars

virgo: these are willing and hard workers. they have a lot of nervous energy and tend to want to keep their hands busy - they don't do well when there is nothing to do. it makes them edgy and tense. they require a steady routine and timetables. without such things they might lose motivation to get anything done and they likely feel pain bodily (they have a stomach ache, head ache, skin issues, etc). but when they have something to do they are patient and detailed with their work. if they lack self-confidence, their work could fail to come to fruition. too much attention to detail may lead to analysis paralysis.

7h: these people are passionate and are willing to work through anything in a connection. they do have the tendency to push their partners too much to the point where they push them away. their relationships are always with a sense of purpose and direction - they are unlikely to date without intentions of a long term connection. these partnerships are great for those that professionally work together as well - they tend to have a shared objective in that monetary matter.

jupiter

gemini: these people are knowledge starved. enough is never enough for them - they are intellectually restless. they could seem very scattered because they seek knowledge of all things. they need to be more consistent with their efforts if they wish to gain anything at all. these individuals are broad/open minded and tend to be very clever. they have a quick mind that critically thinks in the craftiest ways possible.

3h: these people feel a great need to exercise their mind, and they seek intellectual challenges. often they wish to share their opinions and they tend to impose them on to others (they frequently think their opinion is fact). they have excellent communication skills and a great sense of what is just and what is not. they are people of their word and that word is reliable. they love school and to learn - even when school ends for them, they will continue to seek education. they are restless people who need both mental and physical mobility.

saturn

taurus: these people are patient, careful, and cautious. they will persist despite suffering until they have or accomplish whatever it is they want. while they are typically kind they can however become mean and overly frugal. they are ambitious and often seek financial stability which can support their their lifestyle. they frequently will ask if they truly need something however. they are overly rigid and routine oriented. they grow to appreciate what is functional over what is beautiful.

3h: it is possible that this person hated school or didn't think they were good at it at some point. often, they triumph as time goes on however. they develop skills (and fill gaps in their education) to overcome obstacles they have in the educational sector and might even become first in their class or prominent in some other way. these people are sensible and practical - they tend to be cautious and conservative when it comes to their long-term plans.

uranus

aquarius: this generation is notably kind, friendly, and inclusive. they want everyone to feel comfortable and as though they belong and are supported. often everyone in the generation has a bit of a humanitarian streak. they wish to keep their independence in most every way. they can be a bit unpredictable, inventive, and original. they typically associate money as a means of charity to ease suffering in a practical way.

12h: these people feel the need to be charitable and make sacrifices for others. strangely, they have the tendency of doing so in a logical and unemotional/cool/detached way. they do so because of some subconscious belief/motivation. often, they will trying to understand what they do and why they do it using astrology, when they truly should leave it to the psychological professionals.

neptune

aquarius: i feel like this is why we are the way we are online as a generation. we can be hyper emotional one moment then cold and detached the next. we like to stand out yet we are followers of trends and prefer to blend in. we are sensitive and intuitive, yet uncomfortable with dependence and prefer a touch of logic.

11h: these people tend to have a lively social life that keeps them busy, however, they might not have the best circle of friends. their friends might take them in, only to use them. their caring nature is often used. they enjoy helping others. they aren't fans of having lots of responsibilities. they might be very worried or concerned when having such - heavy expectations cause them too much stress.

pluto

sagittarius: this group of people is in a mental tug-of-war. they are open but secretive. they seek independence yet are possessive. they are fun loving yet prefer intimacy and intensity. often, this combo appears to me like a purge moment - get all the terrible energy out every once and awhile and be civil the next period of time. we are the people of the revolution; we see it in how we stand up to political powers and fight for our rights. we do what we do because we are wise and know that all people deserve freedom and autonomy.

9h: this is a compulsive studier who loves a mental challenge. it doesn't matter how advanced the topic is, they desire it. often to the point of mental strain. they desire intellectual perfection - this is their downfall as they force themselves to the extreme and only become unhappy with their progress and frustrated with themselves. they frequently give up and walk away in a dramatic fashion to their detriment. apart from that, i recommend that they visit a country apart from their own as they are likely to gain significant experience and knowledge in a foreign place apart from the one they already know.

the midheaven

sagittarius: to an outsider they appear excited and enthusiastic to just exist in a space. people might see them as risk takers. they are boisterous to those that watch them - they are charming, flirty, and quite funny. but they need to be careful their charm and flirtiness can attract the wrong people or cause them to assume the wrong instincts. not everyone finds the jokes that are made funny - some find them insulting. they can also seem flighty and like they do too much at once. it is important that they read the fine print of any public or high up position that they take.

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[amysubmits]

Do you think a woman that has been in relationships previously that were abusive (physically, verbally, financially, emotionally or any one of the above) can ever truly submit? Or is that self-protection wall just too much of a barrier to this dynamic? The D/s dynamic is so appealing at first consideration, bc she would want to build that deep trust and have that open communication, find that place of safety that she never had.

But then her mind jumps even quicker to those thoughts of “I’m not enough”, “I’m not wanted” “I’m not desired”, the downward cascade is endless and so she hits the road for self-preservation.

In your opinion is that insurmountable?

So, disclaimer - I'm no mental health professional, just a traumatized ND person who has had psychology and therapy as an interest and hyperfixations several times in my life, and who has 5ish years of being in therapy as a client.

I wonder what you mean by 'truly submit', to be honest.

I think most people (not just women) have experienced at least a little abuse at some point in their life...and I think literally all people have experienced at least a little trauma. And abuse and other causes of trauma can definitely lead people to be unable to let go of control and/or to trust. So, I think abuse can make submission harder. I think abuse and trauma are really common causes for specific hard limits. For example, if someone had been verbally abused as a child and told they were stupid, that may have a really direct correlation with why they might make verbal degradation a hard limit. Or it can be a more vague relationship. Maybe they weren't outright called stupid or verbally abused, but they were emotionally neglected and part of that meant they were never told good things about themselves, but were criticized frequently. So they have low self esteem as a result of having their shortcomings highlighted but not having their strengths highlighted - this may cause them to be unable to tolerate being verbally degraded in a BDSM context. Different causes, but essentially the same trauma and outcome.

On the other hand...sometimes abuse or other forms of trauma makes people people-pleasers who are prone to fawning or freezing. They may have the same internal beliefs that you mentioned - I'm not good enough, I'm not wanted, etc - but rather than that leading them to avoid submission, it may make them submit in ways they shouldn't. For those people, submission may be harder because they will try to submit when they should be setting limits. These people may be misread as deeply submissive, but if they are agreeing to what their dom says out of a trauma response and not out of a true choice, then IMO, that is a big problem. So anyway...I think abuse can make D/s or BDSM hard. It can pose challenges that have to be navigated very delicately. I think it can (and should!) result in hard limits being set. Do I think it impedes 'true' submission? I don't like that 'true' word as I think it's often used to mean unhealthy things. But I don't think abuse keeps people from D/s or BDSM generally speaking. To me, submitting does not mean having as few limits as possible. Submitting means being as open and honest and vulnerable with your Dom as you can be given the amount of trust that you've built together - and submitting in the ways that you've agreed to and that are healthy for you to do so. What is healthy for one person may not be healthy for another. Being the best submissive possible is a totally personal, individual thing.

That may mean that you never submit in certain areas. If you have financial trauma, you may never submit to financial control, for example. That can be being the BEST submissive possible because it means you know your needs enough to advocate for not having your trauma triggered and that is being a great submissive, helping your dom protect you from harm. Where for someone else, learning to submit in that area might feel like their best submission. It's totally individualized.

[wexhappyxfew]

oh goodness, what about soft john and annie with "it’s okay, you can touch me. i won't break." ?

AH HELLO!!!!! first of all; a massive thank you for sending this prompt in and for stopping by the askbox!!! it is so greatly appreciated in my lil corner of the world. and second - SOFT JOHN AND ANNIE!!!! coming *right* up! this was such a good prompt for them and i immediately saw it and was like - i need to do this Right. Now. and here we are! sincerest thank you's for this! please enjoy! <3

cold hands

(a/n): annie x brady girlies i am in shambles over this please know. a whole lot of annie's internal monologue and how greatly she is affected by her traumatizing youth - and her struggle to break free from that. and brady is a part of that healing process <3 annie bradshaw you will always be famous girl - never change! :D

Seeing him sat there, head bowed, body completely frozen had to be one of the worst feelings she had experienced in a long time.

And she'd grown up with a mother who hardly had wanted a thing to do with her, much less take care of the children that were in her care.

A part of Annie saw him as a little boy for the first time, in a way. Knowing that behind this strong facade of an Air Force Captain, who had flown B-17s all over Europe, over Germany, down to Africa, training his heart out, there was still that little boy who lived inside of him.

Annie stood in the doorway of the empty bunk room, entirely unsure of her next moves.

She was her own command pilot, a Lieutenant!

She'd gone through hell and back in her youth, gone through training where she was viewed as nothing more than the bottom of the barrel, fighting her way to both be respected and viewed as a pilot in the Air Force, and equally gone through constant doubt, grief and dismissal because of the fact she was a woman. She'd gone through multiple ranges of situations she'd been lost and confused in; but she'd found a way. She had commanded Silver Bullets on nearly 20 missions, risking her life day in and day out, she'd shown herself in every possible light and proven herself time and time again.

Yet, in this moment, she had no idea what to do.

She was usually great at this; dealing with her little siblings, answering their questions as to why Mommy was in bed again, or where Dad was, or why they didn't have anything for breakfast - yeah, that'd been easy, she'd gotten good at it.

Enough to convince herself that it almost wasn't true (even though it was).

This though? She couldn't stop standing there and looking at him and seeing nothing but that young boy.

Annie took a tentative step forward and it didn't take him even less than a second to look up from the ground and towards her, his hardened gaze immediately growing gentle at the sight of her there in the threshold, his white knuckles releasing the built-up tension that had been there previously.

She didn't miss the reddening hand-mark on his cheek or the bruising underneath his eye - something Bucky had warned her about before going in - she did miss him though.

Even if he was right there in front of her, she'd miss him. Those weeks apart, knowing he was here and she was back in Thorpe Abbotts - that had been enough for her heart to pull into two.

"Hey," she said, her voice quiet, immediately splitting the silence in the room into two, as a small smile darted onto her face, "was looking for you." Brady watched her, his eyes, which had turned soft and delicate like they always did when watching her, darted across her face, as if searching for a hidden wound he couldn't uncover. The corners of his lips rose upwards the slightest bit, the smile tight of his face as he sat up a bit straighter. He was always sitting up straighter, putting on the brave face, trying to do things for her instead of himself.

"Everyone's outside." she said when he didn't say anything - which, admittedly, had made her heart hurt a bit, "The sun came out. It may be gone before you know it." Annie watched Brady's face; she was getting to the point of noticing even the most minute of details about his facial expressions, down to the shifting of his eyes, the way his eyebrow would twitch, even when the corner of his mouth darted upwards or downwards depending on the mood.

She remembered when she was younger and her parents would get into a fight - Annie, at the peak age of 13 - would be shuffling her siblings off to bed, her older brother, Roy, still at work, playing peacemaker with fire and water. She could get to the point when she knew a fight would start - her mother's lip twitch, the blank look in her eye that slowly shifted to despair and guilt. Her father half alive on his feet, yelling about the bills and the house and that damn leaky faucet. She could picture those faces in her mind. Even sensing the slightest change in someone's face made her go into fight-or-flight; she was trying to get better at it.

"Annie." She blinked. Shifting her gaze towards Brady, he was slowly standing to his feet from the bunk, his tall frame coming towards her as he gently placed his hands on her arms, getting a good look at her face as if she was under a light.

"You okay?" he asked her, that worrying look immediately crossing his face like it always did. Annie looked up at him and nodded quickly.

"I should be asking you that," she said softly back to him, the corner of her lip perking upwards again in an attempt at a smile, "are you okay?" Brady watched her and nodded.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "just needed a minute to sit, ya know?" She watched him. "Keep my mind thinking, things like that." Annie quirked out a grin at him.

"Whatcha thinking about?" she asked him, her voice lighthearted as she gazed up at him with that softened gaze even she knew she used on him when it was just them, alone. That got Brady grinning wide, his usual smile a natural comfort to her at this point.

"C'mon, you can tell me," Annie said softly, leaning towards him, tilting her chin upwards with a smile, "I'm being serious."

"Just….things," he said, incredibly nonchalantly and off-handedly, catching her gaze and grinning slightly, "why are you still giving me that look?" Annie smiled at him, relishing the closeness of him, the feel of his hands on her arms, that look in his eyes, him simply there, staring right back at her.

Moments like this she reveled in and drank up. Because in her life, no one had ever taken the time to care for someone like her in a situation like this. She had always worried about the kids, her parents (despite their blunders) and especially Roy who had worked himself nearly to death for the Bradshaws. Now, someone was stood here, caring for her.

She couldn't help but wonder what went on in their brain.

"How'd you get that?" Annie asked him quietly, nodding to his slightly bruising cheek, the faint redness following. She watched him expectantly and held his gaze as he watched her back.

"I talked back. To the Germans, I don't know....I shouldn't have." Brady said quietly, "I hear the way they talk sometimes, Annie. Just….couldn't keep it in this go-round." Annie watched him, before slowly bringing her hand towards his cheek before hesitating. Brady smiled shakily.

"It's okay," he said with a hint of a smile, "you can touch me." He grinned wider, more genuinely. "I won't break." Annie softly encapsulated his bruising cheek in her hand, her thumb brushing against the fragile reddening skin on his cheek and met his gaze again.

"I could try and get you some ice," Annie said quietly, her mind spinning to get an idea going in her head, "or….I don't know, freeze water or something. It's cold as hell here anyway." Brady chuckled at her words and melted a bit more into her touch.

"I'd be fine just like this," he told her with another smile, "are your hands always this cold?" Annie let out a small laugh at his words and brought her other hand up to hold his other cheek, her thumbs brushing against his slightly stubbled cheeks, her touch evidently one of comfort for the both of them.

This.

Whatever this was between them. Holding each other like this, looking at each other like this, being this close without any sort of expectation or explanation.

"Considering how cold it has been outside," Annie started softly, "I wouldn't be too surprised. I did grow up where we were constantly snowed-in in the winter."

"That doesn't mean you need to have cold hands," Brady said softly, bringing his own hands up from her arms and layering his own hands over her own, grasping gently around her wrists and dancing his fingers over her exposed skin, peaking out past the cuffs on her coat, "this'll heal up in no time." Annie gave him a look.

"I'm getting you ice still," Annie said quietly, tilting her head to the side, the feel of his, admittedly, very warm hands, over her own, making her body ache for every part of him in more ways than one - along with the need to take care of him, "no ifs, ands, or buts about it, got it?" She caught that look on his face that told her that he was about to brush himself off again.

"I see that look."

"What?" Brady said with a small smile, as she tapped her thumbs lightly against his cheeks again, "You're reminding me a lot of my mom right now, Annie." Annie watched him, with a smile that warmed up her entire being.

"I had enough little siblings to take care of," Annie said, watching him with an almost more sorrowful look in her eyes than intended, "I guess taking care of others is what I do best." Brady's smile fell the slightest bit, and the room seem to turn into both a stale-air and stilled environment.

"You're the best at a lot of things you do, An, you know that." Brady said - his questioning sounding more like an adamant statement.

And this is why John Brady meant more to her than most - he seemed to notice those moments that she fell back on herself or undermined whatever accomplishments or bettering for herself that she might get.

He always reminded her of who she was.

"A damn good pilot, you could give me a run for my money any day," Brady said with a small, light-hearted chuckle, his fingers still dancing over her exposed wrists, over the few scars that were still there and scabbing, "and you know how to make the perfect cup of coffee." Annie let out a laugh she couldn't hold back. "It's true!"

"You just want a good cup of coffee, huh?"

"Annie." Brady said, almost adoringly as he watched her, his hands still on her wrists and cold hands, "I'll take the ice."

"Good!" Annie exclaimed with an uncontrollable grin on her cheeks, before standing to her tiptoes and bringing Brady's head to her lips, a soft kiss pressed to his forehead, something so damn maternal that she wasn't sure if she was even in her right mind, "I'll go get one of those metal tins. Fill it up." She looked at him with a smile. "And we'll get you healing up with that ice pack." Brady watched her with a slightly halted and dazed look in his eyes, gazing at her like she was a shining light.

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"You don't have to butter up to me, John," Annie said, brushing her thumbs across his cheeks again in a soothing manner, "I'd do it either way." She grinned. Brady watched her and grasped her hands tighter this time; firmer, more confidently.

"Really though, An," he said softly, "you're really amazing." Annie watched him for a moment, her eyes searching his, trying to figure out a way to respond to his words without sounding like a complete, wordless idiot.

Because standing there, she wanted to tell him the same thing right back.

Even more so.

He was beyond amazing - if there was even a word to describe someone like him that was beyond words a dictionary could provide.

"You're pretty amazing yourself, John," she whispered back, a tiny voice in her head telling her to accept his words, "thank you." He smiled at her. Beyond amazing, she thought in her head, way beyond anything her mind could conjure.

[saintjosie]

hi!! fanfic writing person here again :D

i've been looking at a ton of stuff and first like. damn i didn't expect me headcanoning a character as transfem to lead me down a rabbit hole where i now 1. have loads of random knowledge on transfem issues and 2. have a massive amount of respect for transfem people and understanding of the differences in experience of different trans people. wonderful actually. your stuff has been super helpful tysm

actual question! how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles? do you think that's disrespectful? because like. wearing makeup, 'feminine' clothes, that kind of thing-- functionally no bearing on someone's womanhood. but those are, to my understanding, big hallmarks of transfem experiences. i don't want to say that wearing makeup or a dress makes her suddenly feel wonderful and pretty and solves all her woes, but i also don't want to downplay the significance of that experience. ideally, how do you think those should be balanced? basically how do i make her feminine without it seeming like a certain level of femininity is required to be trans.

generally, are there any experiences you think would be helpful to know? i'm writing a lot about her (currently two fics on different effects of HRT as an adult, and two on her gender being affirmed as a teen when she had taken basically no steps in her transition) so any insight is helpful. ideally what would you want portrayed in a non-transfem author writing a trans girl? idk!

i understand that these are very big asks so once again don't feel pressured to reply-- thank you regardless! generally looking at your content as a trans woman has been super helpful so thank you so much for sharing <3 best wishes!

"how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles?"

you cant! but why do you need to? a core part of the trans experience is experimenting with gender, stereotypical or not. so many trans fems (including myself) start off by leaning very hard into stereotypical femininity because they are things that many of us have not previously explored. and then a core part of that journey is learning that there is no right way to explore gender. i spent years leaning into being femme until i realized i was more comfortable with a little bit of fluidity and androgyny. i think the most authentic experience would be to have her explore femininity, stereotypical or not, and then eventually coming to terms with how she is a woman outside of stereotypical femininity. two experiences that i think might be a good way to introduce this concept is one, the gender affirming experience of being included as one of the girls. there's a lot of nuance to that experience that people dont necessarily consider. there is the self doubt of, oh am i really one of the girls or are they just humoring me? and also for some there is the need to feel like they need to confirm to expectations of femininity, and leaning too hard into it.

second, the experience of experiencing misogny for the first time. i specifically say misogny because a lot of trans women have face homophobia and transphobia before they experience misogyny that validates them as a woman and for many people there can be this sudden awareness of how different the world is when you move through it as a woman. there is your typical run of the mill, this guy is a dick misogny but then there is also that experience of facing internalized misogny from other women. the experience of being told by cis women how to engage with femininity because a lot of cis women haven't deconstructed that for themselves is an experience that can be particularly hurtful because it is infantilization and misogny that is also incredibly invalidating.

third, when youre talking about gender affirming experiences from pre-transition, there's a lot of nuance to those experience because while they are gender affirming, there is confliction too. for some theres the question of why do i like this? and you also have to consider that many times those experiences that happen to a person who sees themselves as a boy. there is a level of separation from the experience because they havent necessarily embraced transness yet, and if they have, theres tentativeness because being in your teens is all about forming identity.

if you can capture these experiences in your writing, then fantastic! but also these are hard to capture because often times it takes lived experience to write it with nuance. love these questions and happy to answer! good luck with your writing!

[unactive-shroom]

hello! i hope you're doing well. for your Valentine's event, may I request nikolai lantsov with prompt #4? have a great day!

Prompt #4: Proposal ♡

“It seems like someone has a very important question to ask… and what better time to do it but on Valentine’s night?”

Character: Nikolai Lantsov. See Valentine's Event: HERE

You stood at the edge of the lake, watching the purple glow of dusk slowly swallowing the last of the early February sunshine. It had been thirteen months since Alina Starkov had left the Little Palace, and despite her offering for you to join her and Mal, you had remained by Nikolai’s side in Os Alta. Recently you’ve found yourself taking the long winding path through the trees to the Little Palace, reminiscing about the days you would spend together at the lake, chatting and feasting on blini or pelmeni stolen from the kitchen. A hand snuck around your waist. “I thought I’d find you here.” You smiled and sunk into Nikolai’s warm embrace, not realising the cold that had crept up on you. “I get that the Grand Palace is ugly on the outside and all that, but really, y/n, you’ll catch a chill if you keep coming down here without warm clothes” he said as he fussed over you, pulling a heavy velvet cloak around you. Once satisfied that you were warm, he turned his attention to the lake. The silence stretched between you two until Nikolai softly said ”You know we can visit them, right? Keramzin isn’t too far away. We could stay a few nights, bring some gifts, maybe. Or maybe they could come visit us, either.” You chuckled at that part. “I think Alina’s had enough of the palaces by now. Besides, isn’t it too risky for them to come here? They are supposedly dead, you know. And I think that people might start to get suspicious if the King of Ravka and his entourage start to regularly visit an orphange.” he hummed in agreement, tilting his head. “It’s okay, Nikolai. We did just see them, what, two months ago? I’m just being nostalgic, that’s all. Let’s head back to the Palace, It’s cold.” He took your arm in his, a look of feigned pain on his face. “Funny how you always seem to want to go back whenever I join you. Unrequited love is a terrible, terrible thing. Am’st I doomed to be alone forever-?” You let go of his arm and strode ahead of him, in no mood to put up with his antics. “Y/n, wait! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, let’s go warm up, please?”

A few hours later, whilst Nikolai was in some meeting, you found yourself in the concert hall. Empty, as always, but with a beautiful, sleek, black grand piano in the centre of the stage. Your footsteps echo, magnifying your pathway to the stage, announcing your presence as you pull out the piano stool, and as you played, you thought about how you had gotten here. Going from a high ranking army officer, experienced in intense and gruesome warfare, fighting alongside friends and seeing horrors unlike any other, to sitting here now, in a sleek and comfortable kefta, playing piano, and living in a palace. Of course, you were still a very active member of the army, and while politics held a greater position in your life than it had previously, you still had many army duties, one including tuition at the little palace. But recently, no doubt accredited to Nikolai, you had a lot of free time. “Mandatory resting periods for those involved in the war”, as he called it. And, not to mention, the whole country’s eye on you and Nikolai after a stablehand had leaked information about yours and Nikolai’s relationship. At this point, you were simply waiting for the day where acquiring a Ravkan Queen, a wife for Nikolai, was simply unavoidable, and the relationship was cut off. It made you sick to the depths of your very being, but you were determined to enjoy it while it lasted. It’s something that had always hung over the two of you, and at the beginning of your courtship you had discussed it in great detail, and you were adamant on the fact that when the time came for Nikolai to choose a wife, they would simply forget their relationship and move on with their lives. But it was getting increasingly difficult for both of you. You’d noticed that Nikolai had been closer to you recently, constantly there whenever you both had free time, or, pestering you at work, egging you on to leave work to go read with him in the library or take a walk around the palace grounds. And you had felt closer to him too, saving snippets of poetry for him in books you read, playing melodies for him on piano. These small, intimate moments meant everything to you, especially knowing that Nikolai had very little time left to spend with you before he was married off to some stranger.

Leaving the concert hall and heading back to your chambers, you heard voices in the hallway ahead of you - Nikolai and Zoya. “I just- I don’t know how to tell her, Zoya. How can I ask her-?” he sighed audibly, running a hand through his hair. He turned, and locked eyes on you. “Oh- Y/n!” The marble floor seemed to grow colder through your shoes as Zoya looked at him meaningfully. “I think you and Nikolai ought to take a quick walk around the Palace, Y/n. I’ll see you in the morning, your Majesty. Good night.”. As Zoya’s footsteps echoed down the hallway, you felt your heart fall to your stomach. This was it. Nikolai was going to tell you he had found a suitable bride and that it was no longer possible for this relationship to continue. You swallowed, and smiled at Nikolai, not wanting to draw this out any longer. “Shall we?”

You and Nikolai walked side by side through the moonlit gardens in utter silence, until finally, stopping at the glaringly white marble statue of some old king, you stopped. “Nikolai, I know what’s happening.” You whispered, turning your head away from him. “You do? Y/n, I-” You shook your head. “Don’t. I undertsand, Nikolai. You need to do what’s best for your country, I’ve always loved that about you. Just…before we part ways, I need to ask you for one last thing - and then I’ll be gone by morning, your majesty.” You turned to face him, a single tear betraying your determination to not cry, only to find Nikolai on one knee, a look of utter bewilderness on his face. You mirrored the look, not knowing what he was doing. “…why are you on the ground? Nikolai, you’ll ruin your clothes, and it’s far too cold to be-” You sniffled. “Y/n. Please let me talk. I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about, but you can’t leave now - and what’s this about us parting ways? I think you really misunderstood what I’m asking you.” Nikolai cleared his throat, suddenly looking nervous. “I… I know that our relationship hasn’t been under the best circumstances - first as Sturmhond, when I quite litterally held you captive on a boat for the state enemy and yet you fell for me, Saints knows how, and then when I proposed marriage to Alina… and now, having to keep our relationship secret…” He took a deep breath. “I know it’s been impossibly unfair on you. But please, y/n. Allow me this selfish idea - at least consider it - because I mean it when I say that you are my everything. You thrive in politics, the people love you, you have given incredible service to Ravka, you’ve fought wars - been through hell and back for this country, your beauty is unmatched even by the primal, eldest saints of the land - the sun and moon themselves are outshone by your radiance. When I imagine the ideal Queen for this country, the only person I can see fitting the role is you. Y/n L/n, would you allow me the honour of being your husband? Will you marry me?” In a complete and utter state of shock, you took a step back, incrediously shaking your head. “Me? But- but Grisha can’t- I have no title, no links to nobility - I’m an orphan from Keramzin! What will you get from marrying me?” Nikolai remained on one knee, looking directly at you. “What would I get from marrying the love of my life? Saints, y/n, I would get happiness. I would be able to go to sleep in the arms of the person I love, be able to count on her unwavering support that she’s shown me since day one, be able to wake up every morning and know that whatever happens today, I have the most incredible person by my side. I would be able to feel safety in my role as King, with an incredibly capable Queen by my side, beloved of the people and the crown itself, and know that I will not have to spend my life yearning for the woman I sent away so that I could marry for political values, as she would be in her rightful place by my side. I would do anything for you, y/n. But I just can’t bear the thought of you leaving me.”

At this point, your vision was blurry with tears, but you felt Nikolai take your hand. “Well, my love? What do you say?” You felt the tension in his gentle hold of your hand. “If you’re sure about this… then yes. I do. I will gladly marry you, Nikolai.” He beamed at you, standing up and wrapping you in his familiar, warm embrace. As he wiped the tears from your eyes, you giggled. “So does this mean that I get to call you Nikolai even when referring to you?” “You could always do that, my love.” “Yeah, but, if I did, I’d get funny looks. Oooh, can I give you nicknames now, too? How about Niko? LaiLai? Kolai? E-Kolai?” You gasped suddenly, startling Nikolai. “Oh, I have to tell Alina and Mal!” He smiled, then hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah, We’ll have to make a public address too. Then decide on the length of the engagement, do a tour, loads of boring court stuff - but it shouldn’t be too bad with you by my side. Now come along, it really is quite cold. How about we have a glass of brandy’s to celebrate? The one the Kerch ambassador sent awhile ago has been calling my name, but I simply hadn’t a good enough reason to break it out…”

A.n: Y’all the amount of Nikolai Requests I have in my inbox is INSANE. ALSO WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS I MIXED UP MAL AND MATHIAS?? so glad that I realised cause wtf. also I had to break up the last paragraph bc apparently tumblr has a limit of words u can have in one text block?? anyways. thanks for requesting, I hope you enjoyed &lt;3

[ghostofskywalker]

May I please request something where the (gn preferably) reader breaks their glasses during a mission so tech makes them a pair of goggles like his?

anon this is actually the cutest idea ever and as someone whose eyesight is terrible without my contacts (i used to wear glasses but not as much anymore) i understand the struggle <3

words: 2,454

summary: when an accident on the marauder leaves you without your glasses for an unknown period of time, tech takes matters into his own hands and makes you a replacement pair of goggles that match his own.

clone troopers masterlist

Seeing Double

“Kriff!” you swore slightly louder than you originally wanted to, but in your defense, this situation warranted it.

“Everything okay?” Hunter’s voice echoed from the device on your wrist, and it was at that point that you realized you had apparently forgotten to mute yourself on the comms, so the entire squad had just heard your outburst.

“Yeah, just that my glasses broke,” you said, trying to find collect the pieces from the dashboard of the Marauder. Normally it wouldn’t be an issue, except for the fact that it was currently nighttime and you needed them to see where you were going.

“Can you still steer the ship?’ Echo’s voice came through the device next. “We’re going to need a pickup soon.”

You weren’t too confident about your abilities at this point, but you also couldn’t let the team down. “It’ll be fine for a little while, but once you get back someone else needs to handle the controls.”

“Alright, as long as you don’t need one of us to go back there now.”

That was the last thing you wanted, because you were still a new member of the team and you definitely didn’t want them to think you weren’t capable. “No, just let me know when and where you need to be picked up from.”

The communication device went silent not long after that, and you were left to sit down in the pilot’s seat and attempt to repair your glasses. The actual lenses themselves seemed to still be intact, but one of the supports that rested behind your ear had come off (due to the fact that they had fallen to the floor and you stepped on the one side before you realized what had happened). But there was one flaw when it came to attempting to appraise the damage, and that was the fact that when they weren’t on your face, you couldn’t see all that well.

You weren’t blind per se (they had let you into the GAR after looking at your eye charts and seeing the glasses you wore every day), but you certainly didn’t see the world in high resolution when you didn’t have the lenses on your face. You had previously considered those tiny clear things that you saw friends put into their eyes, that would completely negate the need for you to wear glasses, but at the same time the idea of putting your fingers too close to your eye was a little bit nerve wracking (you knew the process certainly wasn’t for the faint of heart).

And you hadn’t experienced any issues with your glasses interfering with your work so far, or at least, not until now. Clone Force 99 had accepted you with open arms (well, it had taken a while in the case of one particularly grumpy sniper) when you had been assigned to them. Your technical title was “medic,” although you were also well-versed in mechanics and was qualified enough to repair the ship if necessary. You sometimes wondered if that acceptance had something to do with the fact that one of the members of the squad also wore lenses of some kind on his face, and if was, you were grateful to Tech.

If asked, you would probably cite Tech as your favorite member of the squad, and it wasn’t just because of your shared facial accessory. Even if you didn’t know whether or not his goggles were prescription or he just simply wore them for convenience, the two of you got along fairly well, which was a surprise because you were essentially assigned to them to do some of Tech’s job. But even though others might have seen you as a threat, you and the squad’s resident genius worked well together.

Bringing your focus back to the situation at hand, you realized that there was going to be no way to reattach the arm of your glasses without some kind of bonding agent (due to the place that the material had fractured and split apart when you stepped on it), and you gently pulled them up to your face. They certainly drooped on the side that had no support, but you would be able to see well enough to fly the ship for a few minutes until someone else could take over.

And it was a good thing that you could see at all, because the batch radioed in just a few minutes later, sending you a set of coordinates and telling you to step on it because they had met some hostiles.

Getting in the air was the easy part, but a flying animal that came out of nowhere shocked you to the point where you had to stop short, and your glasses came flying off your head. There was nothing you could do but watch as they clattered down the dashboard of the ship and once again fell and skittered across the floor, so far out of your reach that you knew there was no chance you could recover them before you had to move again. Instead, you would be flying blind (in the literal sense of the expression).

You were sure that the rest of the squad could tell that something was up when they saw the ship arrive at the coordinates, flying slightly tilted and having stopped short before you extended the ramp for them to get in. “Can someone come up here and take the controls?” you called out.

No one answered, but soon footsteps approached the cockpit and you turned around to see Tech walking towards you with his helmet under his arm. You stood up to greet him, but right as you opened your mouth to speak, the sound of transparisteel breaking filled the space, and the two of you looked down in horror as Tech lifted up his boot slightly to reveal your glasses, now completely shattered beyond repair. “Oh my,” he said as he looked at the carnage on the floor. “I deeply apologize, I did not know that was there.”

“It’s okay,” you said, still in some form of shock, but you didn’t want to make Tech feel bad over something he couldn’t control. “It wasn’t your fault, we’ll just need to put in an order with the Republic for some new glasses the next time we reach out to them.”

“That may be quite a while,” Tech responded, having reached down to collect the bent and disfigured remains of the glasses frame off the floor. “I may be able to-”

“Tech,” you cut him off gently, and he looked up at you as you placed your hand on his shoulder. “It’s not a big deal, I’ll be able to survive without them for a little while.”

“Alright,” he said, standing up. “In the meantime, you should rest. The assignment was a success and I will fly the ship until we stop for fuel or the next mission objective comes in.”

You just nodded and headed off to the bunks. You knew that sometimes if you went for a while without your glasses it could lead to headaches as your eyes strained to perform their usual function, so you wanted to avoid that as much as you possibly could (especially if you weren’t going to get new ones for a while). And as you drifted off to sleep to the sound of Gonky moving across the ship in the background, you really hoped that you’d be able to contact the Republic soon.

***

As he watched you leave the room, Tech couldn’t help but feel bad. You had assured him that none of this was his fault and that you weren’t angry at him, but he also knew how stressful it was to be living a life without corrective lenses when your eyesight was not that good. He had seen your glasses before and guessed that your level of nearsightedness was similar to his, and he would never want to spend any amount of time without his goggles, let alone an uncertain and extended period of it. He cleaned the small pile of debris off the floor and placed them in a small container once the ship had entered hyperspace, and for a while he just watched the blue streaks pass him by.

And it was as he watched out through the windshield of the ship that he had an idea.

His goggles were a thing of his own creation, and sometimes different parts needed replacing. Because of that, he had began keeping a small box of parts and pieces on the ship, with enough to make at least two other sets (just in case his primary pair was ruined beyond repair). If your prescription was similar to his, you might be able to wear a matching pair of goggles for a while, or at least until they could contact the Republic and order new glasses for you.

Right as he got up from the pilot’s seat, Hunter stepped into the cockpit. “Oh good, I was just about to call for you,” Tech said. “Can you watch the ship for a little while? I have something urgent to attend to.”

Hunter just nodded, and Tech was thankful that his brother didn’t ask too many questions so he couldn’t be slowed down. He wanted to have them ready for you by the time he next saw you, this way you didn’t have to go too long without any kind of visual aid.

He found the box of parts under his bunk, and after checking to make sure you were asleep in yours, he got to work, pulling the curtain around his cot to keep some privacy about what he was doing.

The shattered pieces of your original lenses turned out to be of some use to him, because he was able to calibrate the goggles to perfectly match your needs. It was much easier than he originally thought it might be, and by the time he could hear movement from outside his bunk, he was just putting the finishing touches on the goggles.

Wondering whether it was you or Wrecker that had woken up, he poked his head out to see you yawn and stretch. Quietly calling your name as to not startle you, Tech got out of bed and beckoned at you to follow him. “Is everything okay?” you asked, blinking as a brighter part of the ship came into view, and Tech quickly moved the hand that was holding the goggles behind his back so you couldn’t see what they were.

“I still feel terrible about your glasses,” he said. You opened your mouth (no doubt to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault), but he held up one of his hands to stop you and the other with the pair of newly constructed goggles in it. “And since I know the repercussions of spending extended periods of time without them, I made you something. I apologize if it is not a style you like, but I only had the materials to reconstruct my goggles and I figured it was better than nothing.”

You were silent as you took the goggles from his outstretched hand, but from the smile on your face, Tech knew that you weren’t spurning his gift. “Thank you,” you eventually said as you placed them on your face. “I love them.”

“I was able to use my scanner to match and calibrate this pair to the same level of magnification as your glasses,” he said.

You nodded, looking around the ship. “Thank you so much Tech. I really can’t believe you would do something like this, I’m so grateful.”

Tech went to respond, but you pulled him into a hug before he could get any words out. “You are very welcome,” he eventually managed to say.

“If you ever need anything from me,” you said. “Please don’t hesitate-”

He cut you off before you could finish your sentence. “I don’t want you to think that you are somehow in debt to me,” he said. “I did this because I wanted to help you, not because I wanted to gain something.”

For a fleeting moment, you looked like you were going to cry, and Tech’s eyes widened as you leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek, your goggles knocking slightly against his. “I know,” you said. “But still, I want to thank you somehow. Maybe if we can get away from your brothers, I can take you out to dinner the next time we’re on Coruscant?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Those words were accompanied by a surprised (and hopeful) expression. He had of course taken you in as a member of the team, but it had recently been more apparent to him that how he felt about you was different than how he felt towards other people. He had always hoped that you felt the same way, but was never sure how to broach the topic.

“Yes,” you said, a smile on your face. “Are you accepting?”

“Yes.”

Tech stared at you for a moment, and you stared right back. He started to lean in, and you mirrored his movements. He was just finishing up calculations on how to best kiss you without bumping either set of goggles when he heard footsteps approaching, and he instinctively pulled back.

You apparently had the same idea, and the two of you turned in shock to stare at Hunter, who had just stepped out of the cockpit and had an exasperated look on his face. Whatever hope Tech had of keeping this new relationship development a secret was now completely dead, because with Hunter’s enhanced hearing he must have been able to hear everything before this moment.

And with the two of you wearing both matching expressions and goggles, it must have been a sight to behold for his brother. Hunter opened his mouth, but then closed it before taking a breath. “I’m going to take a nap,” is what he eventually settled on. “Can you two watch the cockpit?”

Tech was halfway through a confirmation of Hunter’s request before his brother had walked completely past them to disappear in the direction of the bunks, and right as he disappeared you quickly leaned in to place a soft (and far too quick, in his opinion) kiss on Tech’s lips.

The cockpit offered a better view anyway, and although it wasn’t completely shielded from his brothers, it was much more private than just standing in the middle of the ship. They didn’t have a lot of time before everyone else woke up and their little secret spread like wildfire through the ship, and Tech wanted to make the most of the peace and quiet.

- the end -

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