#it's really just layering the trauma

[none-ofthisnonsense]

See Series 4 is so good and I'll also not rewatch it for a while because it's all nice and good until you get to the second part. And then it becomes angsty and oh god what's happening and every single time you think it gets better it gets worse and you didn't even know it was possible

[clairenatural]

okay but you see sam has ALSO fallen for dean's act. sam also believes dean to be the macho, daddy's soldier, beer boobs cars guy he presents himself as. this is why sam makes fun of dean whenever he even lightly steps out of that mold and thinks it's harmless banter instead of attacking an insecurity. it's why he laughs when john talks down to dean in the early seasons and it's why he seems surprised when dean is more comfortable with himself in the later seasons. it's why he just scoffs but doesn't push it when dean puts up a front and refuses to talk about his emotions and just accepts whatever excuse he makes at face value. it's why he offers dean a strip club to make him feel better when cas dies. and this isn't his fault!! dean has spent a very long time perfecting this image in front of everyone and ESPECIALLY to sam because along with it comes safety and security and stability and the only person. who has consistently been able to see through it. is castiel

[yunmeng-jiang]

that man does NOT think of wei wuxian as his gege

[puppyeared]

Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..

[analgravee]

i love danero man

[callmewishful]

I saw your poll post in Mikky's tag (late to the party so I couldn't vote), and I was wondering what your thoughts would be about the idea of Miklan having gotten his scar from the Sreng raid at the time his mother died. Do you think it was from that or just something else in his life?

Ohh I have had many thoughts around this today! (It’s long but there is a summary at the bottom, promise)

See his nice little picture:

My initial belief was that he achieved this scar later in life, after he was disowned, by some other bandits or whatnot. The part surrounding the scar line (which I tried to point to) is not very well healed/lots of damaged tissue (I say that like I’m a scar expert - I am not so maybe none of this makes sense) therefore I figured it happened when he didn’t have access to good healers, which would be post-Gautier-exile.

But! Now that I’ve thought about it, it totally could be from the Sreng attack too and that would be a very interesting take/Gautier trauma.

When I look at it with a Sreng attack light, maybe it’s the skin trying to compensate/stretch as he grew? (Sorry if that sounds icky) Something had to happen to it for it to be as irritated/pronounced compared to the other scars he has on his face, is my thought. I think stretching skin could definitely be a possibility, and honestly maybe even more plausible!

Also, it makes sense from a lore standpoint. Matthias sent his pregnant wife up to Sreng because he wanted to protect her from the plague. I always thought that Mik stayed behind because he was the heir to Gautier at the time and needed to train/learn, but as current heir wouldn’t Matthias want to protect him too in order to preserve the future of the territory, and therefore send Mik with his wife? It’s entirely plausible to me that occurred. It also would be another nail in Matthias’s thought-coffin of “peace with Sreng is naive idea” because if they were willing to do that to a defenseless child (Miklan couldn’t have been that old, I don’t think. I personally hc that Mik was around 2 1/2-3 when his mother died) then, in his head, they really would be the kind of people that would refuse to negotiate.

I thought of this piece literally as I type, and maybe this isn’t very fleshed out, but consider that Sreng gave Leif over because they knew they injured Miklan and they thought being “even” was giving Faerghus a child to do with as they pleased in return??

Please excuse me while I go cook this in my microwave brain.

Tl;dr: My belief up until this point was that it came from fellow bandits post-disownment. But now that I’ve considered this in response to your ask, it is totally probable that it is from Sreng and boy does that open up a fresh can of Gautier feels.

[kkujo]

bruabba and fugio are good ships however 80% of the people who post about them are annoying about it. like. same with jotakak and kakyoin stans actually. the way ppl obsess over them and water it down until it's so uwuified and far removed from the source that the characters are just bland and boring. idk where i was going with this

[todayisafridaynight]

God that reminds me I was writing this longass reply to when you were comparing MineDai to AraSawa and part of it was basically like. Hear me out but While I've Concluded MineDai Should Not Be Parents For Various Reasons… If they were. Non-zero chance the kid could plausibly turn out like Masato 😭😭😭like spoiled and entitled “wait ’til my FATHER(S) hear about this” nepo baby who can’t connect with either dad and actively resents at least one while taking advantage of their familial ties and living a life of (financial) privilege just sounds about right I'm sorryyyyyyyyy

So it was funny to me because just as AraSawa is MineDai With Dads… perhaps MineDai is AraSawa Without Kids… and AraSawa is the alternate, still-doomed timeline…

its only natural that if arasawa is Minedai But Dilfs then minedai inversely is Arasawa But. One Of Them Sees Red Around Happy Children

[quaranmine]

🍉

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

very interesting question! i feel like i don't go into writing fanfic with the idea of "i'm going to use this to process things from my real life" and then it just bonks me over the head anyway. like writing is a process where you just cut yourself open and bleed all over the page, and half the time i don't even really realize what i'm doing

i write about a lot of things indirectly. there's pieces of things hidden everywhere. i don't necessarily share the same traumas and experiences of the characters i write about but it's like, oh, if you hold it to the light at this specific angle, you'll see what i poured into it. not all my fics are like this, some are just ideas i had, but i'm a pretty introspective person who puts a lot of thought into things so a lot of my fics are like this

i have this one watcher!grian wip that's pretty self-indulgent. i hope that i'll post it one day, even if it's just a tiny piece, but it's one of those fics that just got away from me a little even though i love the writing i've done for it. anyway in the fic there's some very specific things that grian struggles with and it took looking at it THREE MONTHS LATER for me to suddenly realize that it was just a repackaged fantasy version of my main personal identity/social crisis i was going through then 😭 it was actually really funny to me i was like WOW i literally didnt even know what i was actually writing about when i made this but it was On My Mind i guess

there's also occasional references to my experiences with chronic illness/autoimmune disease in my fics. i've fortunately been in remission for several years now, so my current chronic illness experience is mostly just "abled adult without any symptoms or pain who is just permanently on medication and slightly immunocompromised." it affects my day to day life very little right now fortunately but the years when i was super sick were some of the worst of my life and are like. VERY core memories of my teenage years. anyway, there's a specific bit of HTBAHB where i draw on that some--specifically, grian's very mixed feelings about being a watcher and if he'd change it or not. with my autoimmune disease, if you gave me an opportunity to take it away or cure it i would accept in a heartbeat. but if you let me go back in time and prevent myself from ever having it? idk if i'd accept. as painful and traumatic as it was, it also very much shaped me how i am today, and the idea of extricating myself from that is strange. maybe the me of the past would have been happier, but she'd be a totally different person. anyway! other people probably have a different take on their traumas and experiences depending on what it was and its affects, so that was a very personal perspective there. additionally i have also incorporated some of this autoimmune disease experience into my listener!jimmy headcanons, but i haven't been able to complete and publish my wip that is About That

firewatch au is also just. extremely this. i'm very sorry but it's gonna be pretty devastatingly sad throughout and y'all just gotta let me have this because somewhere along the way it went from "interesting fun idea i had last year" into "something i Need to write" lsjdflsjfslf. i haven't grieved or lost anyone in the extreme way that grian has, but i think there's just. so many types of loss and grief in the world. lost friends and family (via death or otherwise), lost relationships with people you used to care about so much (and still might care about), lost opportunities and lost chances to have lived a different life or made different choices, the collective loss of living through the pandemic, the persistent environmental and climate grief that stalks my entire chosen career. there will be things that pop up in this story that are referenced from my real life, and things that pop up in the story that align with my own fears/anxieties.

anyway this is why writing is the most terrifying hobby ever i am like really out here every day doing this and then publishing it for strangers on the internet to read and hoping they don't read me too hard

fic writer asks

[bravevolunteer]

michael brainrot but i am just too eepy to articulate any of it properly

[rotzaprachim]

not enough to be an apologist for cassian andor and jyn erso. i need a rock 

[kirkwallguy]

also i feel like dai suddenly gets 10x weirder about its gay romances despite being labelled as being super lgbt friendly. i know the series has a reputation with wlw romances being toxic, but with the gay men it's also such an insane leap.. i love dorian as a character and im sure he was groundbreaking for a 2014 video game, but why does the only gay man have to have 90% of his personal story revolve around his sexuality at the cost of other character development... and why did they have a problem with solas being bi (because he's evil?) over bull, who is also fun but when he's one of the two bi companions it's a little 😬😬

[lith-myathar]

.

[wolf-skins]

online leftists are some of the dumbest motherfuckers alive

[fceriestcrdst]

just an fyi: writing a fic where reader is yelling at steven, an autistic, for talking too much is like shades of ableism. he's fucking autistic, he infodumps---it's what he fucking does.....he is hyperverbal...don't fucking write fics where reader is attacking him for that.

it's taken me years to feel safe infodumping to people & even now i still apologize because i feel like i'm talking to much. i'm not very verbal unless i'm with friends because i have such a deep-rooted fear of being too fucking much for people. in the most unkind way; fuck you if you're writing content of reader attacking steven, or any of the mk system, for their asd traits. it's not cute, it's not okay, & you shouldn't be creating content like that.

like, screaming at someone for 'talking too much' is???? disgusting at best & ableist at most for so many reasons. i've been screamed at for talking too much, for being too loud, for being too giddy----it's why i'm so fucking quiet now as an adult & why i'm constantly apologizing to my friends because i feel like i'm being too much. fics like that really make me feel like something is fucking wrong with me.

[genderfluid-druid]

dropping thoughts like laundry into the aromanticism washing machine and watching them spin. taking little notes in a fancy journal titled "greyro??" and crossing them out, but then going back and scribbling an addendum. holding up an extravagant glass beaker full of a cool bubbling potion and peering at it through safety glasses that say "mind the amatonormativity!"