#and M....... M is a tricky one. because even though i left that relationship by my own choice. i kind of had to in order to not want to die

[genderfluid-druid]

dropping thoughts like laundry into the aromanticism washing machine and watching them spin. taking little notes in a fancy journal titled "greyro??" and crossing them out, but then going back and scribbling an addendum. holding up an extravagant glass beaker full of a cool bubbling potion and peering at it through safety glasses that say "mind the amatonormativity!"

[aita-blorbos]

Am I the asshole for hating my crush's friend's/subordinate's ex boyfriend even though everyone seems to like and trust him?

For context: I'm (late 20's M) the Commander of a supernatural police force. A while ago we recruited a Mage (late 20's F) who's been an effective and trustworthy addition to the team. In fact, she has killed very difficult demons that no one else would be able to kill (not even I could, and I'm a trained assassin). I quickly promoted her to Captain because of how well she handled a tricky situation. Over time we even became friends.

A few months ago we were traveling to a mission, but had to stop in a city because of a blizzard. There was demon activity in the city which we had to investigate. The demon was affecting the Mages who lived at a secret Mage school (use of magic is outlawed, except for the Mages in our Order). The man who greeted us at the school immediately recognized the Captain, and hugged her. The way he hugged her set me on edge. It was revealed a short time later that the two of them dated when they were both students at the school. She left around a decade ago, but he stayed and ended up becoming the Archmage. The Captain claims they parted on good terms, and it doesn’t appear that the Archmage mistreated her during their prior… relationship. Everyone likes the Archmage. He’s friendly, charismatic, intelligent, seems well adjusted, and is just as tall as I am. But I don’t trust him. He’s too nice and normal, something must be wrong with him. Every time he’s around the Captain I feel this overwhelming sense of hatred for him. When I see him touch her in a casual or friendly way I want to kill him. (I won’t kill him, but I want to.) So am I the asshole for hating the incredibly suspicious Archmage, who’s also the love of my life’s my friend’s ex boyfriend?

[jungkxook]

—midnight getaway. (m)

⟶ pairing: jung wooyoung x fem!reader 

⟶ genre: sprinkle of youtuber!wooyoung + fluff / smut

⟶ words: 6,488

⟶ rating: 18+ 

⟶ summary: a “romantic” getaway surrounded by your friends leads to an interesting night alone with wooyoung

⟶ warnings: pwp, wooyoung says baby a lot bc he’s in love, some teasing woo, exhibitionism, doggy style, sort of praise kink, ass play (fingering, fem!recieving), breast play/fondling, finger sucking, riding, unprotected sex, creampie 

⟶ note: this is the first fic i’ve written in a while and my first ateez fic no one come for me pls also this is dedicated to the lovely @kithtaehyung​ !! thank you for always encouraging me and my wooyoung antics!! 💛

p.s. this is shamelessly inspired by this wooyoung selfie!!

“Ugh. You obviously like her.”

The begrudging sigh comes from Yeosang, narrowly giving Wooyoung a heart attack when he realizes that you’re still within earshot. This wouldn’t have been so much of an issue had Yeosang not been so clearly talking about you to Wooyoung, though he barely has any time to recollect himself. Instead, sprawled out on the poolside of the villa the group had rented out for their week-long vacation in Jeju Island, Wooyoung firstly decides that he has no idea what Yeosang’s talking about.

“We’re just friends,” Wooyoung retorts.

“A friend you invite with you on a romantic getaway?” Yeosang asks with a wolfish grin.

Wooyoung shakes his head. He can still see you through the windows of the villa, now in the kitchen talking to Hongjoong. You’re all bright-eyed and glowing from the sun, in a swimsuit you had been putting to use just a few minutes ago when you took a dip in the pool. “Some romantic getaway, considering there’s seven idiots in the same house as us. Also thought this trip was meant to have no distractions.”

Which isn’t really a lie, because while their trip to Jeju was mostly for their YouTube channels, it was also meant to serve as a well-deserved break for the boys, and their leisure work of choice wasn’t exactly taxing and the majority of their trip so far has been spent simply enjoying themselves. Hongjoong had been so adamant too that there would be nothing to hinder them during their well deserved break. And of course you jumped at the offer to tag along when Wooyoung asked you, because you were his best friend but, moreover, his best supporter when it came to his passion and his videos.

“Yeah,” San hums nonchalantly from within the pool. He had been one of the few to jump in with you earlier, “but I don’t think friends flirt with each other on a daily basis.”

“Not to mention your video was all about her,” Jongho adds from beside Wooyoung. “I thought we were supposed to be promoting tourism in Jeju, not Y/N.”

That was a bit of an exaggeration. Sure, you had featured in a lot of the video Wooyoung had only just posted for his “Our Side of the Story” series he was doing (mostly daily vlogs, or aesthetic short films that you’ve always loved ━ much like the others, who have found a way to incorporate their love for music, dance, cooking, and everything in between in their vlogs), but you always made an appearance when you were so close with him. His viewers were used to it by this point, safe for the occasional questioning comments as to whether or not you two were dating. This video in particular saw you having the most fun in a while, frolicking the streets of the city, sprinting across the beach into the shallows of the ocean to try and splash Wooyoung with water; shaved ice shared between you and him and the way you snuck a bite of his when he was preoccupied, bike rides along the waterfront, and clambering along hiking trails so you could pose in a field of flowers that you had so desperately wanted to see.

Now, Wooyoung gives a roll of his eyes. “Funny. I don’t know what you guys are talking about.”

“Yeah, sure,” Yeosang sighs again. “When are you gonna tell her the truth?”

“The video already kind of did,” Jongho points out tauntingly. “If I was Y/N, I would have already realized.”

“Yeah━” San is beaming now as he clambers out of the pool, “but if you don’t want her, Woo, can I make a pass at her? Y’know, just to help take her off your hands━ Ow! What the hell?”

San jumps suddenly when Wooyoung chucks one of the pillows off of the lawn chair at his head.

“Keep your hands off her━” Wooyoung chastises. It’s meant mostly as a joke, but he worries when he recognizes a small part of him seems to care a little too much.

The others seem to find it funny at least, erupting into howling laughter that’s quick to fade when you wander back out to the pool and throw yourself next to Wooyoung.

“They’re definitely starting to catch on.”

Wooyoung lets out a weary sigh, though you’re starting to find it difficult to focus as he continues to kiss down your throat.

So, maybe if any of the boys walked in and saw the both of you in such a compromising position, they would be indescribably confused while also preparing to point an accusatory finger at Wooyoung for technically lying to them. But it isn’t really a lie, and certainly not one neither he nor you were keen on keeping for very long. It’s just that it seemed a whole lot easier to keep your newfound two month relationship with Wooyoung a secret for a small while.

It was mostly to give the both of you enough time to enjoy yourselves thoroughly without the prying eyes of your friends (who, while always supportive, are already passionately invested in your lifelong friendship with Wooyoung, pointing out his feelings for you even far before he could decipher them), their vlogging lifestyle, and their fans, while also waiting for the proper time to expose the truth. After the Jeju trip, you had both promised each other. But that plan was beginning to look more and more faulty as time passes.

What was supposed to be an innocent trip to Jeju with your friends turned into a tricky game in which Wooyoung had entirely different plans that consisted of you only. Specifically, how many times he can find you alone away from the boys to have his way with you. By now, night has since fallen and, after a short duration of time unwinding around a small bonfire in the backyard, the boys had all since retreated to their own rooms. You’re positive most are already long asleep and the ones that aren’t are beginning to nod off, exhausted after a long day and drowsy with liquor from the night of drinking. You’re fortunate Wooyoung at least first chose to find you alone in your room of the villa, but you still panic. Because Wooyoung should be sleeping in his shared room with Hongjoong down the hall from yours, yet here he was.

“My video today probably didn’t help,” Wooyoung adds. 

You hum in response. “I don’t know if sneaking into my room will help with that either.”

At this, Wooyoung grins wide. “It’s fine. Hongjoong’s passed out cold. You should hear his snores. Plus━” He presses a kiss to your shoulder. “I couldn’t sleep without wondering how quickly you can cum.”

You nearly choke as you hear the words fall from Wooyoung’s mouth.

But it wasn’t his fault ━ he has needs too.

The first night of your trip called for a joyous celebration at a nearby restaurant that resulted in everyone being blissfully drunk by the time you returned to the villa. You had gotten so dressed up for the occasion that Wooyoung hated to see it go to waste, adorned in a pretty floral sundress ━ one that has always been his favourite (and, no, he promises that’s not solely because of how nice your boobs look in it, though that’s definitely a plus). If the boys could hear his thoughts now, they’d certainly pick him apart.

The house, however big and spacious it may be, is certainly not empty. Even just next door to your room is the shared room both Mingi and San are in. This is a fact you choose to remind your dear boyfriend of now. “The boys are sleeping.”

“Screw the guys,” Wooyoung groans into your neck. His strong arms slide around your middle from behind, pulling you into an all too familiar and warm embrace. He’s caught you just before you can shed your dress and slip into something more comfortable, all radiant and shimmering from a day out in the sun. You melt almost immediately against his chest as he nibbles on the skin just below your ear, on the corner of your jaw. He whispers ardently, “You look really pretty today. You always do, but especially today.”

A gentle smile spreads across your face. You instinctively reach out behind you to rest your hand on the nape of his neck, fingers tugging at the hair there. “I wore this dress just for you. I know it’s your favourite.”

“Yeah, because your tits look amazing in it,” he snickers. As if to emphasize this, he reaches down slyly to cup one of your breasts over the material of your dress, giving it a squeeze.

“Well, now you’re just trying to distract me into bed with you.”

“Is it working?” he asks hopefully, a smug grin on his face.

You snicker, fidgeting in his hold to face him and patting at his shoulder. “Maybe if we weren’t surrounded by a group of seven drunk men who could potentially hear and walk in on me sucking you off at any moment.”

But Wooyoung has already waited all day for the boys to leave you two alone. Waiting any longer may as well have felt like an eternity in a certain type of special hell that he wasn’t exactly keen on.

“And?” A sudden smirk stretches across his face. He leans in close to you, lips brushing faintly against your ear. “You didn’t have a problem letting me fuck you against the practice room mirror the other day.”

You swat lightly at his chest, scoffing suddenly. “Wooyoung!”

But he has a point. In all fairness, it had been his idea to take you against the practice room mirror when the boys had gone home and you were dropping off food to your poor boyfriend still working late at night. You certainly hadn’t complained then when he had you coming around his cock with the practice room door left unlocked. It’s such a Wooyoung thing to say too, being that he’s not often caught off guard, especially when he’s so blatant and confident about all things sex.

“Can’t you keep it in your pants for one night, Woo?”

“No, he’s in pain,” he pouts childishly. He bites playfully at the tip of your nose.

You sputter for air, dissolving into a fit of laughter. “You did not just call your dick a he━”

“Okay, I’m in pain,” he corrects. He starts kissing down and back up your neck. “It’s not my fault you look extra hot today. Besides, you looked like you were having so much fun today. Is it so wrong for me to want to keep pampering my beautiful girlfriend?”

“With your dick?”

“Yes, with my dick.”

You snort.

“And━” He drags out the word purposely, a playful twinkle in his eyes. “I don’t even want you to suck me off, by the way. All I want is to fuck you senseless right now.”

Oh.

His words send a nerve right down to your core. Your thighs instinctively press together at the thought.

All things considered, you’re not any better. There was no denying how devastatingly attractive your boyfriend always looked, but especially today. A well-deserved break and the Jeju sun did him well, with a beautiful tan starting to glow on his face, free of any make-up or cover-ups. The usual stress of city life and work doesn’t weigh heavy on his brows anymore, and though his hair has gotten longer, it’s a neat and pretty mess ━ a little unruly from the sun and chlorine, and from having taken it down from its half-ponytail, but pretty nonetheless ━ with the under half of it bleached blonde and the top half dyed black. Dressed in nothing but a casual old t-shirt and a pair of board shorts, he’s both wholesomely cute and yet sexy at the same time.

And, while you are surrounded by a group of rowdy boys, Wooyoung isn’t necessarily wrong. He always seems to have a knack for making anything romantic enough if he tries, attributed to his charming ways. A night of lovemaking (or whatever he has in mind) in your room with a beachside view is, all things considered, kind of romantic.

You purse your lips now. “Think they’re all asleep?”

“With how wasted they are? Absolutely,” Wooyoung says brightly. “I tripped over a shoe in our room and Hongjoong didn’t even move.”

It’s risky, sure, but the sudden yearning to be with Wooyoung was almost debilitating. There was no doubt you could both get away with having sex in a packed house, right? Either way, it doesn’t really seem to matter. You’ve already been persuaded, and Wooyoung knows.

He pulls you in for a kiss and you let him get carried away for a moment, reveling in the way he needily nips and sucks at your lower lip. Then, finding a second of clarity, you can be heard saying against his mouth breathlessly, “We’ll have to be quiet.”

“Mmm,” he hums distractedly. “So quiet.”

But that was like asking Wooyoung not to breathe. It’s this passing thought, and the way he pulls and tugs you over to sit on his lap as he sinks onto the edge of the bed in a desperate haste, that has you giggling. He leaves a trail of sloppy kisses down to the underside of your jaw and then along your throat.

You tug at the hair at the nape of his neck as you begin to rut your hips against his slowly. “You look really handsome today, baby. It’s nice seeing you so relaxed for once.”

His stare meets yours suddenly, all sparkling and awed. He grips your waist and presses you a little more firmly against his hips so you can feel his semi-hard dick against your inner thigh. “Ugh,” he sighs, “say that again and I’ll bust a nut right here and now.”

Another giggle meets his ears, but this time it’s a little less focused as it splinters off into a whimper the longer you continue to grind against him. You decide to humour him. “I saw your vlog. It was pretty.”

He audibly whines now, his heart threatening to burst through his chest. “Yeah? I worked hard on it.”

“Is that how you see me?” You think back to the video and how you looked, the soft music overlapping it all.

“Yeah,” he deadpans, “like that piece of washed up kelp you tried throwing at me today━”

“You’re so━”

“I’m joking. Of course that’s how I see you, but that’s only a fraction of what you look like to me. A camera doesn’t do you justice.”

“So you think I’m pretty?” You snicker.

“So pretty.” He kisses you again, this time a little more earnestly. He sighs dreamily against your lips, “No, actually. If my dick isn’t in you in the next minute, I’m gonna go insane.”

A delighted simper sounds from you. “Don’t even have to cum, just as long as you do━”

Your jaw drops open as you find an angle that has you pushing your clit against his clothed dick just right. But even though you had so innocently offered to only get him off, part of the fun was seeing how quickly and how many times he could make you cum before finishing himself off. You deserve it, after all.

“God, you’re such a good girl,” he moans. He takes a moment to appreciate you in your current state. You, straddling his lap, eager hips moving against his with your brows pinched in concentration, the pretty material of your dress hiking up around your thighs. He reaches down, palms rough as they grip at the soft flesh of your thighs. “Look at you, already so needy for me. It’s so fucking sexy.”

Wooyoung fidgets beneath you. He burrows his face in the crook of your neck, nipping at your throat.

“How do you want me first, princess?” he asks sweetly now, peppering kisses along your throat, tongue soothing the marks he’s left behind. “Want my fingers in you?”

“N-No━” You croak. “Just wanna feel your dick.”

Excitement prickles at the tips of his fingers as he massages circles against your hips. “In your mouth or in you?”

“In me,” You rasp. “Now. Please, Woo━”

He marvels for a moment at how he’s so stupidly in love with you and your pretty words despite them having such dirty implications, and he hastens to please you. A wolfish grin tugs at his lips as he smothers them against your mouth, but then the giddy sensation of finally getting to have his cock buried in your walls overcomes him. He murmurs into a wet kiss, “As much as I love this dress, let’s get it off of you.”

He hastens to help you shove the straps of your dress down your shoulders, then off your arms. Then, he watches as you stand up to shimmy your way out of it, the material pooling at your feet, exposing your figure and the fact that you’re not even wearing a bra. The swell of your breasts meets his eyes first, and you’ve barely just kicked your way out of your panties when he’s pulling you onto his lap again, warm mouth latching onto one of your breasts. His lips wrap around your nipple, teeth nibbling on the sensitive bud. He can’t seem to get enough, moving to bite and suck at the soft flesh all over, shifting from one to the other, then down the valley of your breasts. A moan falls from your lips, hands pulling harshly at his hair as you push him further into your chest.

“Wooyoung…” You whine. “We gotta be quick.”

Though he wants nothing more than to mark up your chest all over, he relents only when he remembers that the boys are nearby. “Okay, okay━ Here━”

He grabs at your waist, shifting you around until you’re on your back splayed out beneath him. Towering over you, he pushes the material of his shorts down, pulling his aching dick from the tight confinements. Your eyes fall to the way he fists himself hurriedly, tip all red and glistening with precum, and the one prominent vein bulging along his length. You bite at your lip, legs instinctively spreading wider for him.

“Are we really gonna do this?” he asks, excited. “With the guys here?”

“Think it’s too late to ask when we’re both already naked,” You giggle. You remind him again, this time a little weaker, “Just remember to be quiet.”

He hums in response. Then, he teases you by running the length of his hard dick against your slick folds, already dripping with slick arousal.

“God, baby,” he groans, “you’re so wet already.” He taps the tip of his cock against your pussy, the sudden jolt sending your head spinning. As he rubs himself on you, the sticky wetness glides along the prominent vein of his length and spreads messily out to the top of your inner thighs. “Did I do all this to you?”

“Woo, no teasing,” You chastize in a small whine. A shiver runs down your spine at the feeling, and you hate having to resist all his teasing touches. “What if someone tries coming in?”

He flashes you a shit-eating grin. “Let them. If it’s Seonghwa, even better. I can finally get payback for when he purposely ate some girl out on my bed.”

You snort lazily, stifling your giggles. “Focus, baby.”

“I am focused,” he says smugly. He emphasizes this by pressing his dick a little harder against your folds, teasing the tip of it against your entrance. “With you spread out like this for me, all sexy━ Fuck, I’m so focused.”

But what he doesn’t tell you is that the thought alone of one of the boys walking in on the both of you is enough to excite him to no end. He can imagine it now, one of them wandering into the room while you’re writhing beneath Wooyoung, taking his dick so well, moaning nothing but his name. He yearns to feel you all at once, hurrying to please you.

Without warning, he pushes himself into you, cock stretching you wide in just the way you both like. Almost immediately, low gasps and groans sound from the both of you.

“Ah, f-fuck! Woo━” You smother your sudden cries with a hand clamping over your mouth.

“Shit, I know,” he sputters for air. His voice is heavy in your ear, a low grunt only for you to hear. “You feel so fucking good, baby━”

His head is swimming even just at the way your walls wrap around his tip so snug. He pushes himself into you the rest of the way, bottoming out with a sudden forceful and indulgent thrust when━

The headboard slams against the wall, exceptionally loud.

“Fuck, Wooyoung━ Woo━” You grip at his arms. “The bed.”

His eyes meet yours, stunned momentarily as you wait and listen. A minute passes, but the house continues to remain silent.

“It’s okay. Even if they do hear, it’s not as if they probably won’t know what we’re doing,” Wooyoung points out, matter-of-fact. “We haven’t exactly been very careful lately.”

“Still,” You insist. Your walls throb around his hard dick, desperate for some sort of movement. “It’ll give me some peace of mind.”

His heart swoons at your timidness, and though he has fun teasing you, he would never actually want to risk getting caught by one of the boys (however many close calls he’s already had with you) or, worse, upsetting you to the point of no return.

In the next moment, Wooyoung pulls out of you, then pushes back in again, this time less forceful. He swears he tries to be wary of the bed and of making too much noise but, much to both of your dismay, while the frame doesn’t bang against the wall too noticeably, the bed still creaks beneath you.

Wooyoung grits his teeth. He tries again, then one more time, and though your head lolls back at the sensation of him stretching you wide, you meet his gaze with your own apprehensive hazy one. Even Wooyoung’s patience is wearing thin when all he wants to do is tear you apart ━ that, and the slight creak of the bed is enough to start driving him insane.

“Fuck this,” his pace stutters to a halt, “let’s get on the floor. Can you get on your hands and knees for me, baby?”

“Good idea.” Your heart jolts in your chest from the excitement.

Within a matter of seconds, he’s parting from you, leaving you momentarily stunned at the loss of warmth. He helps you to your feet so that the both of you can sink to the floor on your knees. Before you can drop into all fours, Wooyoung stops you by reaching out for the blanket on the bed and tucking it underneath the both of you, but mostly to soften the ground underneath your knees. When he catches you surveying him with a fond gleam in your eyes, he quirks a brow.

“What? It’s just so you don’t get too uncomfortable,” he says sweetly, peppering a few kisses along your shoulder. “Is this good?”

“Amazing.” Your heart swells at all his gentle touches. You catch his lips on yours, faintly murmuring, “I love you. Like, so much.”

You can feel his grin against your mouth. “You know I love you too. And as much as I would also love to hear you go on about how I’m the most perfect boyfriend, I need to be in you right now.”

A pretty giggle meets his ears, and he marvels for a second how you’re so quick to oblige. Propping yourself up on your elbows, your ass juts out in his direction. You give it a little tempting wiggle, and he hurries to position himself behind you. With one hand on the small of your back, he guides you back down his length.

“Ah━ Fuuuck━” He moans. “Arch your back a little more for me, baby.”

You do as you’re told, leaning forward just enough on your elbows and sticking your hips back to meet his as he sinks balls deep into your core. Then, he’s crumbling apart, all breathy panting as he tries to focus.

“Shit, baby━”

“Mmm━”

“You’re so tight. So wet. I’m not gonna last,” he pouts, as if it’s a genuine disappointment. He watches as he pulls out of your heat just enough before shoving himself back in, his dick covered in a glistening sheen of your arousal. You’re so damn wet, he wonders how he hasn’t slipped from you yet. His hands grip and tug at your ass, spreading you to see the way your cunt pulsates and stretches around his dick. So perfect, almost as if you were made for him. “Tell me. Wanna hear how good you feel right now.”

“S-So good,” You mumble drunkenly. “God, you’re so good, Woo. Fuck━!”

His gaze droops down to your breasts, bouncing with each thrust of his hips into yours. He reaches around and grabs at one of your boobs. The gentle shake of the soft flesh in his palms is always his favourite feeling, and he can’t help but squeeze at them now because, god, he really does love your tits. If he had all the time in the world, he would do anything to fuck himself between your boobs, and cum all over your chest ━ but that will have to wait for now.

“Ah━ Fuck━ Wish I could take my time with you right now,” he moans, planting sloppy kisses along your shoulder. “I can’t wait till we’re alone. Gonna take care of you so well, baby.”

“Y-Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he grunts. He reaches down with his other hand, thumb pressing against the tight hole of your ass. The sensation alone is enough to have you nearly keeling over, a strangled cry of pleasure ripping from you. “Want you coming on my tongue so bad. Gonna fuck you against every surface too. You deserve it. You’re always so good to me, princess.”

“Only for you,” You whimper. If he wasn’t so pressed for time, the affirmation alone would have been more than enough to make him melt in your very hands. But his dick is still so hard, and your pussy is still so wet, all he can focus on is not slipping from your walls with every thrust of his hips. “Ah, Wooyoung! Y-You’re so━ So hard━”

You bite harshly at your lip when a loud moan threatens to spill from you. You bury your face in the blanket around you, clutching so tightly at the material. A part of Wooyoung finds it amusing, if only because, if the boys are awake and don’t hear your lewd moans, there’s no doubt they won’t be able to hear the sound of skin against skin as his hips slap against your ass.

“Let me hear you, baby,” he coaxes now. “Moan out loud for me.” When you shake your head, he snickers. “Want it harder? Will that help you?”

He gives an experimental roll of his hips, a little rougher than usual. It sends you teetering forward, a broken groan tumbling from you that’s left muffled by the blanket. He can hear you mumble wantonly, “Don’t be a tease.”

A cheshire-like grin spreads across his face. “Here━ Come sit on my dick. Wanna feel you so deep━”

His words make you moan softly, followed by the way he pulls out of you just quickly enough to sit back against the bed. He tugs you onto his lap and you follow suit, spreading your legs further apart as you sink onto his leaking dick. Down, down, down, until it almost feels as if he’s hitting your cervix, and suddenly you’re not so sure you’ll be able to keep it together any longer. That, mixed with the way he’s gazing at you, all hooded eyed and alluring, you’re very close to dissolving into a mess right in his very arms.

“Ah━ Ah━ Fuck, baby━” You grip at his shoulders as you adjust to the new feeling, hips squirming above his. “Wooyoung, please━”

But your words fall short. The desperate plea that hinges in your voice fades into nothing more than the urgent need to feel more of him, to have him absolutely wreck you, as you begin to rock your hips back and forth on his dick.

“Please what, baby?” he taunts lazily. But he knows what he’s doing, slyly beckoning you to make a mess, and moan for him.

His palms are warm as they slide up your sides, then around your back, hugging you close to his chest. He thrusts his hips up just once into you, sending you into a haste that has you lifting yourself up and then back down his cock. As you adopt a steady and reckless pace that has you bouncing on his length, he watches your every reaction. The way your face contorts at the sheer pleasure, brows pinched so hard in concentration, teeth sinking into your lower lip. Your hands reach out to thread through his long locks, pretty blonde tresses running through the seams of your fingers. You tug lightly at the root, earning a low groan from him.

“Fuck, Y/N━” His head rolls back against the mattress at your quick pace. “You’re so fucking sexy━ So desperate for my dick━ Ah━”

He moans suddenly, only this time it’s less muffled than before. Whether he does it the first time to tease you or simply because he had gotten carried away, you aren’t quite sure. Either way, it’s enough to startle you, even amongst the daze you’re in.

“Wooyoung━” Your voice is a small warning, but it lacks any severity when it splinters into a whine. “Not so loud.”

“They’re━ Ah, fuck━ sleeping━”

You meet his mischievous stare with your own heedful one. Your pace slows, if only just, and you’re certain this time that when he moans even louder, it’s entirely on purpose.

“Woo!” You clamp a hand softly over his mouth, smothering the tail end of his crude groan.

The grin that forms on his face beneath your hand is evident of his amusement of his toying with you but it turns sluggish quickly. The sight to see is hot enough, with the drowsy lopsided smirk poking out from underneath your hand as he watches you continue to ride him, now a measured gyrating against his own hips. When he realizes you’ve chosen to keep your hand over his mouth, he reaches up to grab a hold of your wrist, his large fingers splaying out and then up over your knuckles.

“Come on, baby. It’s okay. Let it out,” he hums. He kisses at your fingertips, tongue swiveling around to suck on your digits delicately. “Not even one tiny moan? Let me hear that pretty voice of yours.”

He can feel your thighs begin to shake around him and, judging by the crescendoing of whimpers tumbling from your mouth, he senses you’re close. Your free hand still grips at his hair, this time a little tighter as you try to anchor yourself in place to rock your hips a little faster. Wooyoung hisses delightfully at the feeling, a small lethargic chuckle rumbling from deep within his chest.

Rough hands grab at your waist now, shifting you around abruptly until you’re splayed out on the floor on your back with him hovering over you. His length stays wedged snugly in your walls, never once slipping, and as he settles against your chest, he lifts one of your legs up and over his shoulder. An animalistic growl slips from him at your pinched face, and the way your cunt starts to squeeze around him. With this angle that his hips pound into yours, his cock hits so deep into your core, pummeling against your cervix again and again.

“H-Harder━ Wooyoung━” You pant. “Please━ I’m gonna━”

Finally, a moan sounds from you. Loud and unabashed, a little broken and exhausted, but beautiful to Wooyoung’s ears nonetheless. In fact, it’s so sexy of a noise that it’s enough to nearly push him over the edge but he relents, if only just for a little longer.

“Ah, there’s my favourite sound,” he smirks. His tongue lavs at the underside of your jaw, and your hand finds itself tangled in his hair once more. “Gonna be a good girl and let the boys hear you now?”

You try with all your might to silence yourself, but the task proves more and more difficult. A few more slams of his hips into yours, and you’re crumbling apart right before his eyes.

“Fuck━ Wooyoung━”

“That’s it, baby,” he grunts into your ear. “Cum for me.”

As you come, the sudden gush of wetness around your core coats his length and he almost accidentally slips from your cunt. You’re clenched so tightly around him, Wooyoung feels as if he has to gasp for air to stay focused. His eyes still stay trained on you, watching as your face contorts as you writhe beneath him. But it’s your shameless moaning that sets him off, albeit still softer than usual but much louder than he was expecting from you with the boys so close by.

“Ah━ You’re so fucking hot━” he whines. “Gonna cum━”

Every thrust of his hips sends you bobbing up and down, and as you come down from your high the pleasurable feeling of his hard cock still burrowed in your sensitive walls has you whimpering softly. Your legs try to separate further, beckoning him for more.

“Cum in me, Youngie,” you beckon dazedly. “Wanna feel it so bad━”

“Oh, fuck━” he gasps. “Can I?”

“Y-Yes.”

“You’re so good to me, baby. Aren’t you?”

His pace quickens, hips snapping into yours urgently. One final shuddering thrust and he’s overwhelmed by his orgasm, cock pulsating within your aching walls as his cum fills you up. He has to bury his face in the crook of your neck to muffle his moans, listening to the sharp gasp for air you take when you feel his release.

He rides out his high in a few more leisure rolls of his hips, though he seems more concerned now with kissing your throat slowly. He gently unravels your leg from his shoulder, then slumps against you like the comfortable heavy weight that he is. His dick lays softening still buried within your walls, now leaking with his cum.

“Have I ever told you how amazing you are?” You hear him sigh dreamily into your neck. “‘Cause you are.”

“Almost daily,” You concur with a giggle. Your own fingers smooth out his hair, fixing the messy strands, and he croons with delight. He leaves a trail of sweet kisses up along your throat, then your jaw, and then the corner of your mouth. Safe for the laboured breathing as you both try to calm your shrill hearts, you’re made aware so suddenly of just how quiet the room suddenly is. “There’s no way the guys slept through all of that.”

“I’m sure they did.” Wooyoung nibbles gingerly at your lip. “There’s nothing to worry about. Especially right now. I’m so tired. We can deal with the potential consequences later.”

You snort. “How did I know that’s exactly what you would say?”

You catch him smirking before he plants one last kiss on your lips. Somehow, he’s able to pry himself off of you long enough to slip into his shorts laying discarded on the floor before disappearing outside of the room into the darkened hallway. He returns moments later with a damp towel to help clean up the sticky mess between your legs, then tugs you back onto the bed with him.

“They’ll see you sneaking out of my room if you sleep here,” You point out through a yawn.

“I’ll get up before them,” he insists. “Just give me an hour with you, like this.”

You can’t resist the urge.

At the very least, you fall asleep first in his arms, his fingers playing with your hair. He must slip away from you at some point during the night, unraveling himself carefully from your sleeping figure to retreat to his own room. You’ll tell the boys eventually of your relationship with Wooyoung, you swear.

But for now, there, under the covers of the bed, you have all the time in the world to enjoy yourself with Wooyoung in pure, unadulterated silence.

In the morning when you wake up, you join your boyfriend with the rest of the boys downstairs in the kitchen for breakfast.

You’re the last to arrive, having wanted to take your time in the shower ━ a fact that Wooyoung laments, because he wanted nothing more than to shower with you to “save water” (which really just translates to more sex), but with only two bathrooms and nine people, the feat seemed impossible. Now, you sidle into the seat next to Wooyoung at the kitchen table, smiling down at him when his eyes flicker to you which seems to go unnoticed by the others.

“How was your night?” Yunho asks passively once you’ve settled into place. “Did you sleep well?”

You nod, as Wooyoung answers, “Best sleep of my life.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” This amused offhanded scoff comes from San under his breath. It causes Mingi to almost choke on his sip of orange juice as he snorts into the glass.

“What was that?” Wooyoung asks.

“Oh, nothing,” San says. The smirk on his face says otherwise. “Thought we heard some loud noises last night. It was weird.”

Then there’s Mingi, leaning across the table to catch your attention alone. He shoots you a more merciful look, though he still seems entertained nevertheless when he whispers to you, “You have something on your neck.”

Your hand instinctively clamps onto your throat, over the spot Mingi points to as you mentally curse yourself. While you had been so preoccupied the night before trying not to make any noise, you forgot to warn Wooyoung against leaving any noticeable marks on your body ━ a bad habit of his, and your fatal mistake for forgetting to check the morning after.

The others are fortunately not paying attention, already absorbed in their own conversations, but the horror of so clearly being found out by San and Mingi sends you into a frenzy. It even seems to alarm Wooyoung judging by the way he starts laughing nervously, though maybe that’s because your knee bashes against his under the table and sends him jumping in his seat.

Clearly, you have a lot of explaining to do. Eventually.

The last thing you hear San say before he and Mingi howl with laughter seems to make even the charmingly confident Wooyoung slightly frazzled, and leaves you all the more confused.

“Some romantic getaway, huh?” 

⟶ All rights reserved to © jungkxook. I do not allow reposting, translating, or any sort of modifying and reuploading of my work.

⟶ Feedback is always appreciated!

[klaineownsmysoul]

I was going thru a/shly Weston ig out of curiosity and as far as I could see M is the only so I could find from her clients.. I don't know if it's coz they are actually good friends or coz she has to promote her.. it was just very curious to see... M was also the only other so that I could see with the celeb which was another curious thing .. of course who are we kidding we all know M is the real celeb 🤦‍♀️

Of course M is the real celeb here, don't be silly!! No one doubts that. Its plainly obvious for all the world to see - everyone else in her orbit are just the lucky SOBs who get to bask in her luminous presence and thank the heavens every day they are allowed to be that close to her, her "spouse" included. Imagine being in her circle and NOT spending your time promoting her on your SM. That kind of talent and work ethic? Not everyone can order dresses online or buy halloween crap from amazon...except for all the stories you see of toddlers who grab their parents' phones and buy a ton of shit because they left themselves logged in.

AW is a tricky one. She's the only member of his team who actually does her job and she has other famous clients besides D, so there's that. Though its hard to tell sometimes, because so much of her Insta is food and her showing off all the expensive free crap she's gotten from designers and other high end vendors. M being the only SO you see is pretty much par for the course when it comes to D and its one of my biggest gripes. All of the press events he did for ACS? She was always - always - right there with him, claws around the neck, fake ring on her hip, and smirk firmly in place. None of the other actors from the show had to trot out their SOs at every turn. I don't remember seeing pics of any of them with anyone outside the cast at any event, except for D. P/enelope Cruz - an actual movie star - is married to another actual movie star - J/avier Bardem - and I don't recall ever seeing him at anything. Does that mean they don't love each other as much as m/iarren or could it possibly mean that they are both mature adults with their own careers who don't need to siphon free air time from the other in order to keep their names in the press? I'm gonna go with the later, thanks. And that's the m/iarren relationship in a nutshell: one piece that works and one piece that bleeds the other dry. But she has help bleeding him dry and that help comes in the form of D's "work family." The extravagant shopping trips M and AW share, the last minute overseas getaways they go on - I have a feeling its all a smokeshow. She'll post some pics of them looking all cute and buddy buddy and then it will be radio silence for months on end...until another fancy trip pops up. And M is always available to attend because she does nothing. She's HIS stylist and yet for some reason, she invited her to Cannes as her plus one? WTAF? What happened here? How does that make any sense at all? For someone who didn't want to be in the spotlight, she sure does manage to finagle her way into it a lot. And if that was true and AW was really her friend and knew that, why would she invite her to press-laden events?

She pushes the narrative when she has to and then sort of recedes back into her own world. The whole ridiculous mess with the baby shower and her "accidentally" spilling the beans on the baby's gender was pure pr bs and nothing else. Nothing is a whoopsie daisy my bad when it comes to drumming up press and someone who works in Hollywood would know this better than anyone. She'll pose for pics with the unemployed non-famous plus one all the time but not with her own actual working client? She didn't want to get a shot of herself with the excited father-to-be? Maybe he'd even have put his drink down for this, we'll never know. Pray tell me how that works exactly because it doesn't add up.

I don't know whether M/anny J/acinto has an SO (nor does it matter). We know now that CB (RIP) was married but you never saw or heard anything about his wife. Imagine that - a celeb who manages to keep his private life private. Its almost like the relationship mattered more to both of them than the fickle bright lights of toxic Hollywood. Crazy, isn't it?

I'm very curious to see how all of this shakes down in the coming future. Fancy dress up parties that go into the wee hours of the morning are not places infants and small children are welcome. Its hard to go galavanting across Europe for a few weeks with a baby in tow, especially when the things D's going to are not child friendly. The idea of someone who doesn't do anything all day and night long needing a nanny or full time childcare is hilarious and yet perfectly on brand for her lazy self-centered person. Does anyone really think she's going to give up her famous by association lifestyle to stay home and watch Peppa Pig?

D needs to clean house from top to bottom if he ever wants to be taken seriously as an actor again.

[writing-for-me-at-this-point]

Pact Marks/Blessings/Blood Pact | Undateables

Request: pact marks with the undatables!

Word Count: 2083 words

Page Count: 5.8 pages

A.N. you guys loved the last one so here are the undatables!

Tags: none :)

[ D E M O N  B R O T H E R S ]

[ P A C T S ]

Diavolo

        Diavolo would most likely have the largest and most intricate pact mark, and you would need to place it on a large space, so your thigh would be the best option for him. He had it spaced out a bit, so it could take up the entire thing, so each detail would not only be seen, but traced carefully on long nights together. When you call for him it glows a deep carmine, with a black mist rising from the golden outline, it freaks the brothers out sometimes because they think you're catching fire at times.

        Whenever you sit next to him, with exposed thighs or not, he'll have a soft but firm grip on you, almost pull your leg closer to him at times and your almost sliding out the chair- much to Lucifer's dismay and Barbatos's amusement. His mark trails down his spine, it ties in with his own demon markings, and is the only one that glows white on his body. It means a lot in the Devildom for its prince to have such a bond, especially with a human, so it takes not only an intense amount of trust, but the knowledge that you'd stay by his side.

        On long days, he'll lay on you in bed, shirtless, and have you just trace the new mark for as long as he can. It's relaxing and just helps him clear his mind, get his thoughts in order, so you'll often see the mark glow as he mumbles to himself. Moments like this are common but build on a deep respect you need to hold for one another, and realize that he can't tell you everything just yet, the truth comes at its own pace and Diavolo only hopes that he could tell you in moments like these.

        Moments like these he would expose his heart to you, his soul, where the marks you two had would be held by one another, and he would spill the truths of the Devildom to you- the ones passed down only to those in the royal line or who marry into it, truths not even Barbatos or Lucifer know, just you and him.

        Making a pact with Diavolo means you'd accept not only ruling with him, but the intensity of his situation, from dealing with his father to keeping the Devildom itself stable, a pact is only the beginning of a long and extended life with him.

Barbatos

        Barbatos would place his pact mark somewhere where only he can see, a treat only he can enjoy, so he would place it on the inside of your thigh, high up and just shy of touching the most intimate parts of you. He shares everything about himself with someone- his time and energy with Diavolo and Lucifer for example- so when he has these moments alone, with you, he allows himself to do what demons are good at. 

        He indulges. He allows himself to keep something for him. So this pact with you, it allows some control, some sort of intimacy that he longs for. He wants it to be just him and you with this pact. Solomon was a tricky one- you are the everything. When attending RAD, he'll pull you into the empty student council office and hold you, sometimes leading to more intimate moments of a lustful nature. You've expected this, from seeing how touchy demons can be with their pact marks (*cough*MAMMON*cough*), and entering a relationship would only fuel his hunger for you.

        He would hold the same sentiment when it comes to his own mark from you, placing it somewhere for him to enjoy and admire, though he didn't mind SOME attention on it. He would place it under his navel, since his usual stance as a butler has him always placing a hand on the area, he can touch his own mark without it seeming suspicious. He may have to give himself to Diavolo for extended amounts of time, unable to see you, so he'll move off for a bit and activate the mark. It glows a snowy white and he'll focus, let you feel the ghost of his touch, either in your hair or wrapping his arms around you.

        Making a pact with Barbatos means you will support him when he is done being the support, loving and allowing him to be true to his nature, after all, helping run the Devildom is hard work especially when he needs to share so much of his time.

        You allow him some peace of mind, alone, just you and him. You're his heart, the one he thought was lost long ago, alive and beating- only for you.

[ B L E S S I N G S ]

Simeon

        Simeon gives a blessing to you when he sees you need some guidance, a time where you really are questioning yourself and the things around you, so this would be after Belphie had killed your old body and you now are in this universe's body. You had confided in him about feeling displaced, like an impostor in your own body, and there were differences from your original timeline that changed some relationships with the brothers. Some had been more threatening than their original counterparts and vice versa, some of your Little D's were not greed and gluttony, but wrath and sloth.

        It felt like your mind was going to break from the small and subtle differences. He decided that night, to give you a blessing, the blessing of Psychokinesis. Your soul can now change things in the physical realm if you focus enough, this can be from talking with spirits to mind control and energy healing. He knows you won't misuse the gift he's given you, and he knows you focus on the healing aspect of the blessing, which he helps you with when you're free.

        The mark is gold, literally, it's like someone melted gold onto your skin. It's placed on your forehead, in the shape of an eye, and can only be seen if you allow it to be seen. You asked him why and he only responds in inexplicable tones, leaving you with more questions than answers, but you thought it had something to do with angels usually having extra eyes.

        His blessing for you appears on his tanned hand, the gold accenting his skin beautifully, his palm always moving in a much more delicate manner- due to treating it with care. He allows himself to care for you, to love you in a deeper way to comfort you, pressing innocent and loving kisses to your forehead, watching the mark flare up from his touch before calming down. When he touches you, for any reason, his marked hand moves first, needing to comfort and trace you in the most thoughtful way one can imagine.

        Simeon giving you a blessing goes both ways, because in his eyes and with his knowledge, you are a blessing to the three realms as well.

Luke 

        Having a blessing from Luke is honestly the most heartwarming thing, even the brothers, Diavolo, and Barbatos are all kinda touched at the nurturing relationship you two have. Like Simeon, Luke would give you a blessing after seeing you in a stressful time, so this would be after he was found by Lucifer and seeing him lose his shit. He saw how you defended him and Beel against Lucifer himself, the fallen Morning Star, the Seraph that no longer has all his wings.

        He'd visit you later that night, seeing you have trouble sleeping, and would sit on your bed and hold your hand. He'd know you were scared, he's an angel, he could feel it, but you still defended him and kept him safe. He realized how much he looked up to you and cared for you in that moment. He saw you as a guardian, in a literal and figurative way, which is why he wanted to do something for you in return.

        He would give you the blessing of truth, in which you could detect any and all lies when you wished, and that any lies would never harm you. Say Asmodeus is calling you unworthy of beauty? It would never hit your self esteem. You know how Mammon says he could care less about what would happen to you? This demon would be devastated. Diavolo says he isn't stressed and is feeling just so amazing? Please give the man a hug.

        He didn't want people to hurt you with something as flimsy as words, you deserved to know the truth and deserved to be happy, so his golden mark is on your eyes. They glow a deep gold that rivals Diavolos, and he always says you look your best when you leave them like that, because then everyone knows you have some celestial beings on your side! You only can chuckle and shake your head at his antics, ruffling his hair before telling him to calm down just a bit, you were sure no one would bother you. His mark appears on his own eyes as well, he says he loves it when you two match! Tried to get Simeon to have his eyes glow more as well, it's the three of you after all, maybe if he convinces Solomon to use a spell on his own eyes then it's a family affair!

        Having a blessing from Luke means he looks up to you and only wants the best for you, so of course he'd give you the best blessing he can at his level, be sure to expect more when he grows as an angel.

[ B L O O D  P A C T ]

Solomon

        You two made a blood pact pretty early into coming into the Devildom, you had been hanging out a lot by that time, and he brought up the idea. You heard about blood pacts, assuming only crazy people made them or weird cultists, but he showed you there could be a magical aspect to it.

        Since humans are "weaker beings" when it comes to a physical and power stance, they make up for it in magic, their bodies are weaker but their souls are stronger and brighter. Why do you think the most powerful magic users are human? They're batteries for that shit! He'd make sure you knew everything that came with making a blood pact, from feeling each other's thoughts and emotions to being able to create magic stronger than the both of you, the pros and cons of each- but goddammit he made a good case for each.

        You'd be sitting on his bed facing one another, each holding out your left hands, a dagger crafted for occasions like these held in his right. The pact was made for keeping you two together, always going to be in each other's lives from there on out, after all, these pacts tie souls together for only eternity.

        You realized that day, Solomon, if he wasn't a wildly powerful sorcerer, would make a great salesman. After making the pact, you'd often tease him about it, to which he would use said pact to tickle you or do some rather... scandalous things. He lives for the moments when you lean back on his chest, and he would take your scarred palm in his, and he would lightly trace over the newly enforced flesh. He'd allow his palm to flatten out on you and let you feel his own scar, but if you were to take his hand in yours and kiss his knuckles before leaving an extra long one on his mark, the boy just m e l t s.

        Making a blood pact with Solomon would mean getting a tattoo to seal the deal, you'd get a white owl and he would get a black sheep, you both decide to get them on matching spots where a pact mark won't interfere with- possibly behind your ears or right under your hairlines on the back of your neck. (I highkey fw the theory that the black sheep in the background of the To-Do List is actually MC).

        A blood pact with Solomon means staying with him for a long while, either as friends or lovers, it means you'd never leave one another. It's something that's deeper than the "weak" bodies you two hold, it's something that he'd never do with anyone else, no one can hold a candle to your light after all.

[hellzabeth]

i have opinions about The Prince of Egypt musical adaption and you’re going to listen to them: An Essay

So, quick disclaimer: The Prince of Egypt is one of my favourite movies of all time. The casting, the music, the animation, I think it’s one of the top-tier movies that have ever been made. I went into seeing the London West End production of PoE with a full expectation that nothing I saw on stage would ever live up to how much I love the movie. I was fully aware there are plenty of limitations to what can be shown live on a stage with human actors and props.

That being said, I was enormously disappointed with how the whole thing was handled.

The Good

Now before I launch into a whole tirade of what I didn’t like about the production, it does behoove me to say what I think they did do well. 


The casting of the role of Moses was done fantastically, as was Miriam, Tzipporah, and Yocheved. The swings and the ensemble were really engaged and well placed, going through lots of quick changes to go from Hebrews to Egyptians to Midianites and back.


The two Egyptian queens, wifes of Seti and Ramses, are actually given names, lines, and character beyond being simply tacked onto their respective kings. We get to see how they feel about the events happening around them, and there’s even a scene where Ramses meets his wife and courts her, whereas in the movie, she stands in the background and says nothing. This is one of the areas I was hoping the musical, which would naturally have a longer run-time, would expand on, and I was pleased to see the opportunity was taken.

Light projections on enormous curtains were used to very good effect, taking us instantly inside the walls of the palace and then out to the desert. 


Over all, the work was really put in to be engaging and emotional, and the orchestra really worked to deliver the right musical beats.


One of two stand out scenes as being done very well was the opening “Deliver Us”, which included a bone-chilling moment of Egyptians separating a mother and her baby, with her screams as she’s dragged off-stage, and the blood on the guard’s sword. It really brings home the fear as Yocheved tries to lead Aaron and Miriam to the river with her, not to mention Yocheved’s actress nailed the lullaby. 


The second was at the other end of the show, “When You Believe” was beautifully performed by the whole cast, though it was somewhat stunted by what came before...

The Bad

Oh boy.

So the main problem with this show is not the music, not the staging, not even that sometimes the ensemble was a little off-beat (the lai-lai-lai section in Though Heaven’s Eyes comes to mind). Any mistakes there can all be forgiven, since sometimes things just happen in live performance, someone’s a bit off or something’s just not possible to do on the budget allotted. 


The problem is in the script.

The Prince of Egypt movie is a story that stands not only on the shoulders of its fantastic music and visuals, but also on its emotive retelling and portrayal of the characters within - mainly Moses and Ramses. And while the stage musical does spend a lot of time with the two mains, it neglects two other, incredibly important characters.

Pharaoh Seti, and God. 


In the movie, Seti strikes an intimidating figure. He is old, hardened, and wise in the ways of ruling his kingdom - and is voiced by Patrick Stewart, who brings his A-game to the role. Both Moses and Ramses admire him and look up to him immensely as young men, and the relationship he has with both of them deeply informs their characters as the story progresses. It’s from Seti that Moses learns that taking responsibility for your actions is the respectable thing to do (and later, the true horror of having your idol turn out to be not what you think), and it’s from Seti that Ramses takes a huge inferiority complex.

There are two lines that Seti gets in the movie, one spoken to Moses, and one to Ramses. These two lines define Moses and Ramses’ actions later on in the story:

To Ramses - “One weak link can break the chain of a mighty dynasty!” To Moses - “Oh my son... they were only slaves.”

Guess which two lines are absent from the musical?

One Weak Link is turned into an upbeat song, rather than shouted at a terrified and cowed young Ramses. Instead of being openly a traumatic, internalised moment of negative character development for Ramses, it’s treated as a general philosophy that Seti passes down to his son. Instead of a judgement that is hung over Ramses’ head like a sword of Damocles, lingering in his mind through the whole story and coming up in a shouted argument with Moses later, it’s said and then moved on from. 


The “they were only slaves” comment, on the other hand, is absent entirely. This changes Moses’ relationship with Seti enormously, as well as his relationship with the Hebrew people. Upon finding the mural depicting the killing of the slave children, Moses is appropriately horrified, and Seti shows up to comfort him and defend his terrible actions. Moses leaves this interaction... and then sings about how this is indeed all he ever wanted! He has no moment of horrific realisation that his father thinks of the slaves as lesser, as lives that can be thrown away. This means that the scene where he kills the guard doesn’t lead into a discussion of morality with Ramses as he runs away, but rather Moses breaking down about his heritage as though it’s a negative, instead of something he’s realised is just as valuable as his life as an Egyptian. Instead of Moses being shown as having a strong moral core that protests against the idea of any life being lesser, he bemoans his Hebrew blood loudly, and makes little mention of the man he killed. His issue that causes him to run away is being adopted, rather than his guilt that he’s a murderer, and nothing Ramses can say will change it.

Later on, we don’t see Ramses express this opinion either (in the movie - M:”Seti’s hands bore the blood of thousands of children!” R:“Hah, slaves!” M:“My people!”) so it seems the core reasoning for the necessity of the extremes God had to go to in order to convince Ramses to let the Hebrews go is completely gone.

Which leads us into God Himself, as a character. 


God is a tricky topic in general. He is hard to talk about as a concept and as a character, and even harder to depict in a way that won’t offend someone. The Prince of Egypt movie always struck me as a very good depiction of the Old Testament God - vengeful and strong-willed, commanding and yet nurturing, capable of great mercy and great cruelty in one fell swoop. God is incredibly present in the story, a character in and of Himself, speaking with Moses rather than simply commanding him. The conversation at the Burning Bush is bone-chillingly beautiful. Moses is allowed to question, he’s allowed to enquire, he’s allowed to express how he feels about God’s choice, and God is given the chance to respond (and reprimand, and comfort).

In the musical, the Burning Bush scene lasts all of two minutes, during which God (the ensemble cast, acting as one moving flame, speaking in unison) monologues to Moses, and Moses is not given room to question, talk to, or build a relationship with God. Later on, once some of the plagues have gotten underway, Moses rails against God, flinches in his resolve, and tries to back out... and God says nothing. It’s Miriam and the spirit of Yocheved that convince Moses to keep going. As a character, God is nearly absent. Even when it comes to calling upon the Plagues, or parting the Red Sea, God’s voice is absent. Moses does not pray. He does not even use the staff that God encouraged him to pick up as a symbol of his becoming a shepherd of the Hebrews out of Egypt. 


It’s these little changes, these little absences of such vital lines and presences, that ends up changing the whole vibe of the show. Seti is more like a dad than an emotionally distant authority figure, and God is more like an emotionally distant authority figure than a character at all. Ultimately, the whole feeling that one is left with at the end…

The Ugly

… is that the script doesn’t like God, or religion in general.

A bold statement to make, considering the source material is one of the central biblical stories in EVERY Abrahamic religion. Moses as a figure is considered so important and close to god, that The Prince of Egypt, even with its sensitive portrayal, cannot be aired in a number of Islamic states, because it’s considered disrespectful to depict any of the prophets, especially an important one like Moses. Moses is arguably the MOST important prophet in the Jewish canon.

However, I haven’t highlighted one of the most noticeable script changes - the elevation of Hotep, the high priest, to main antagonist.

In the original movie, Hotep is a secondary villain, a crony to the Pharaohs, bumbling and snide and two-faced. He and his fellow priest Hoy are there primarily to juxtapose how charlatans can control power through flattery and slight of hand, reassuring Ramses that Moses’ miracles are merely magic the same as what they can do. They even get a whole villain song, “Playing With The Big Boys” which is a lovely deconstruction of lyrics vs visuals, where while the priests boast that their gods and magic are much more powerful, in the background the staff, transformed into a snake by god, devours and defeats the priests’ snake handily. The takeaway from the song is that God’s power is true, and doesn’t need theatrics.

It’s a good little nugget of wordless world building. And it is completely absent from the stage musical, with only a vague reference to the chant of all the gods names.

Hoy is gone, and Hotep is the only priest. He actively speaks out against the Pharaoh, boasts about having all the power, and is played as bombastic and proud. He’s a wildly different character, even threatening Ramses at one point. In the end, it’s shown that Ramses won’t let the Hebrews go not because he has inherited his father Seti’s cruel attitude towards the lives he considers beneath him, but because he is being actively bullied by the priest, and will lose his power and credibility if he doesn’t do as he’s told. Ramses is even given a whole song about how little power he really has. The script desperately wants us to feel sorry for Ramses’ position and hate the unrepentantly, cartoonishly evil priest.

That’s another matter as well - a LOT of time is dedicated to making the Egyptians more human and sympathetic, portraying them as largely ignorant of the suffering beneath them, rather than actively participating in slavery. Characters speak out of turn without regard for formality and class, even to the royal family. They are casual, chummy even. And this would be fine - in fact, it’s good to have that sort of third dimension to characters, even ones who are doing reprehensible things, to show the total normalcy and banality of evil - if it were not for the fact they still include a completely open-and-shut case of evil right next to them.

Hotep has no redeeming features. And on the other side, God is barely present, certainly not in a relatable context. Moses has several lines about how cruel and unnecessary God’s plagues are - and you know what, in this version, they are unnecessary! Ramses is not the stone-hearted ruler that his movie counterpart is, he has no baggage over being a potential failure, because it was never really given to him in the same way! By taking away Ramses’ threatening nature, numbers like the Plagues lose half their appeal, as the back-and-forth ‘you who I called brother’ lines between Moses and Ramses are completely absent. Moses is faithless, and is less torn between the horror of what he’s doing and the necessity of it for the freedom of his people, and more left scrabbling for meaning that he doesn’t find. And the only thing hanging over Ramses is Hotep nit-picking everything he does and threatening him, which is considerably less compelling than the script seems to think it is.

This is best exemplified at the end, when all the issues come to a head. The angel of Death comes and takes the Egyptian first borns (which was actually a well done scene), and the Hebrews leave to a rousing rendition of When You Believe. But then we cut to Ramses and Hotep, with Hotep openly threatening to revolt against the Pharaoh - whom was believed, especially by the priesthood, to be a living god! Hotep is so devoid of redeeming features he cannot even be trusted to stand by his beliefs! - unless Ramses agrees to chase after the Hebrews. Reluctantly, Ramses is badgered into the attempt.

Back with the Hebrews, Moses parts the Red Sea… not with his faith, not by praying to God for another miracle, not even by using his staff as in the most famous scene of the movie… but by holding out his hand and demanding the ‘magic’ work. Setting aside the disrespect of Abrahamic religions to call one of the most famous miracles “magic” (and my oh my, if there was a fundamentalist of any religion in the audience they might have gasped to hear it), it again belittles the work of God, and puts all the onus on Moses, not as a conduit for God’s work, but as the worker himself. Then, the Egyptians arrive in pursuit, lead by Hotep, not Ramses. Moses sends the Hebrews through first, lead by Miriam, and stays behind with Tzipporah… to offer his life in penance to Ramses! The script has completely stripped both Ramses and Moses of their convictions towards their causes, and Moses cannot even stand by his decision to lead his people.

Then, in a moment of jarring melodrama, Moses has a sudden vision that Ramses, his brother, will one day be called Ramses the Great (an actual historical Pharaoh who reigned 1279-1213 BCE). There is no historical evidence that this was the Ramses that ruled over the Hebrews (there are 11 Pharaohs called Ramses through the history of Ancient Egypt), and maybe if the scene was acted a little better, it wouldn’t have been so sudden or jarring. Even more jarring, is that then Hotep arrives with the rest of the army, and Ramses refuses to lead the charge into the parted sea. Hotep does so himself, and is the one to have the final dramatic moment, being crushed under the water.

The Takeaway

After watching the show, I’m afraid I could never recommend it as either a play, an adaption, or even as a faithful retelling of a bible story. Its character drama isn’t compelling enough to be good as a standalone play, with it two main characters declawed and their core motivations reduced to a squabble between brothers rather than a grand interplay between two cultures and ideas and trauma handed down from their father. As an adaption of the movie it’s upsettingly bad, with grand numbers like the Plagues rendered piecemeal and fan favourites like Playing With The Big Boys missing entirely. As a retelling of the bible story, it’s insulting, completely cutting God out of the equation, taking no opportunity to reintroduce Aaron as an important character (which he was, in the bible, as Moses was a notoriously bad public speaker, with a stutter, and Aaron often interpreted for him) and more importantly, completely erasing God’s influence from the narrative.

I don’t know who this show was… for, in that case. If it wasn’t for drama lovers, movie fans, or people of the faith, then who the hell was it for? Why change such a critically acclaimed and well-beloved story? Why take away all these defining moments? If you wanted to tell a story about how religion is the true evil, how God can command people to do terrible things, and how those who uphold organised religion like Hotep are unrepentant, one-dimensional monsters… why would you tell that through the Prince of Egypt?

Underwhelming at best, infuriating at worst… just watch the movie. Or read Exodus. At least the Bible’s free.

[btsandvmin]

Ask: Reply - 2021.04.16

Time to answer some more of your questions. I have a lot this time, and still a lot left I’ll have to save to another post. You are all very good at being curious and asking interesting questions. There are also some asks that are replies to old asks, and then I’ll include the link to the referenced post.

This time the topics will be:

Ask 1 - About KTH1 and expectations Ask 2 - KTH1 spoiler with “Oh lady” Ask 3 - Vminies getting superiority complex Ask 4 - Not dismissing the bond between Vmin and the other boys Ask 5 - Other people’s words can influence your thoughts Ask 6 - Vmin not sharing rooms in Bon Voyage Malta Ask 7 - Has being a Vmin shipper always been so overwhelming with all the content? Ask 8 - “Just a friend” interview Ask 9 - The garnet necklace Ask 10 - Vmin in CMs Ask 11 - Taehyung uncomfortable about shipping/tae*kook? Ask 12 - What did Jimin write on his shirt in Run ep. 53? Ask 13 - Gina Maeng ask follow up Ask 14 - Vmin’s love is beautiful (and so much nice praise omg)

Today’s post is a long one... Enjoy!

Ask 1 - About KTH1 and expectations

Ok, so I did write a shit post about this... (I mean… This is literally all Vmin’s songs so far ), but I still think your questions are worth a proper answer.

Honestly I think speculating about KTH1 is kind of hard, and as seen in the shit post I am quite torn with my expectations... In general I am the type who doesn’t like to expect too much in fear of being disappointed. I rather be pleasantly surprised. That being said Vmin does have a track record of getting involved in each other’s songs. I mean a lot is just speculation of course, but we do have confirmed cases as well, enough to not be too surprised if they would keep it up and do something for Tae’s solo album as well. (Tae saying his mixtape would be named Jimin back in 2016 still haunts me.)

On the other hand, they have already given us a lot of collabs. Adding more would feel more like a statement, at least if it would be only Jimin out of the members on that album. The thing is that if Vmin would have something “real” or at least if they are a bit careful with how they come across... I am not sure they would do something too “obvious”. But where such a line would be drawn is impossible to know. I mean clearly they managed to write and sing Friends and it worked fine, even if they did get more attention as a ship.

We also know Tae has been quite loud about Jimin in ways that single him out, so maybe they would really dare push the boundaries as far as actually including Jimin in the album somehow. It’s also very possible there could be other members, and honestly we probably shouldn’t hyper focus too much on it and that it has to mean something no matter if anyone is on it or not.

I think one of the rappers being on it is probably more likely out of the members, but it seems Tae has shown an interest in collabs with people outside of BTS, so that’s kind of what I am expecting the most. No matter who in the group is on it I am sure fans will make a big deal out of it, and maybe Tae would rather have his own thing for his first album. I really don’t know how his thoughts would go.

But again, looking at how Tae and Jimin has talked about working together, and have had moments like Tae promising Jimin a song or Tae saying they will work together again... It’s definitely not impossible to get another Vmin song. I do feel it’s more likely for any connections to be vague and not instantly noticeable though (at least not anything romantic looking because we know what happened to the Christmas song). Especially considering how they have only recently revealed things like 4 clock’s inspiration more openly and had Friends followed by Sweet Night. My main stance for any possible real ship is still that they have reason to be careful, and yet another Vmin collab, on Taehyung’s first personal album would probably raise some eyebrows considering everything else we already have. But it could also be me over analyzing them, and maybe they just really like and want to work together. Tae for sure has after all been vocal about this preference and want to work with Jimin.

So yeah, on one hand they have a track record that is hard to ignore... But on the other I wonder if they might want to add another “point” for ARMY to look at them and their songs. I also don’t want to assume that if there are songs on there that sound romantic that they automatically will be about Jimin. There will have to be legit possible connections for me to acknowledge them.

It’s tricky. I guess we will have to wait and see. I am kind of scared both that there won’t be anything or that there will be SOMETHING. Thank you for the ask, and I hope I shed some light on my thoughts on this subject. Either way I am very excited and looking forward to an album full of Taehyung’s own songs and the stories he wants to tell.

Ask 2 - KTH1 spoiler with “Oh lady”

I am not sure it is “lady”, since it’s a bit unclear in general. He also has a part that just seems to go “do be do” and I don’t know if the lyrics are even finished or if he worked with someone else etc. We basically lack a lot of information. But even so using lady/her/she etc. in a song doesn’t have to mean it is about a specific person or that the person is a she or that it is Taehyung’s own feelings (I know he said he usually sings about things he have felt, but just saying it doesn’t always have to be). 

Of course I don’t want to downplay it and say it doesn’t mean anything, but considering their fanbase is majority women, they live in a homophobic country and he has even been denied to sing a romantic song with a man before, it’s not impossible to add that to make it more “relatable” or less “gay”. God, that sounds terrible. I don’t want to start discussions where we don’t take their words for what they are, so I hope you might understand my point of view. That being said of course it could just as easily be to or about a specific woman in his life that we don’t know about. Or as you say, he isn’t actually in love but is simply writing love songs that could be inspired by non-romantic relationships or movies etc. as was the case for his inspiration for Winter Bear.

Tae also used “she” in Winter Bear, and that seems a bit forgotten. Or people try to say it has to be about his grandmother... Which we obviously don’t know, it’s just the woman people jump to since he used “she” and many people don’t like the idea of him dating a woman or writing about a woman we don’t know. Either way I think we need to remember that anything is possible and we don’t know them personally and how they think or why they choose to do what they do.

I think we need to remember that there is always going to be the possibility that ships aren’t real, that the romantic songs aren’t about Jimin and that either one of them could be in a relationship with someone else (all genders included).

Ask 3 - Vminies getting superiority complex

Hello! I want to address something that has been bothering me for a while now. I have been seeing some vminnies have a superiority complex just bcoz they ship vmin. Its very rampant among new vminnies and twt vminnies. I get that we all feel validated and happy when out OTP claim to be soulmates and bff. I feel that way too. But people have to remember that vmin are real people and their relationship is dynamic. Like they did grow from bff who used to tease e/o and fight alot to soulmates who are gentle and caring. Who is to say that one day they wont drift apart (i hope not and dont think thats gonna happen but for argument sake) so there is no reason to feel superior or look down on other shippers. 

If people think vminnies are superior bcoz they are not toxic they probably know they are lying. Lbr i have seen my share of toxic vminnies though may be a lesser number but they are there and its not the ship but its that particular person who is at fault. While i agree that some ship theories cultivate hate and toxicity there may be people among those ships who are just as sane and good as we claim to be. I just wanted to address this bcoz seeing some vminnies on twt saying locals thinking vmin were tgt after coway add is a validation kind of triggered me. I m sure there would have been similar responses to any other ship bcoz they all have been tgt for a decade and are very comfortable with e/o. I just wanted to talk to someone about this and i know you have discussed similar topics in the past. So yeah this was very long.

First of all, on request I won’t show your name, but thank you for sending me this and letting me know who you are. It’s always nice to know who is behind the question. But that being said I don’t mind people asking on anon, I totally get it being a lot easier to ask or question things when you don’t have to reveal yourself. Either way I am just glad to get interesting and important topics and I do think the things you bring up are worth talking about.

As you say, there is this thing when people start to feel and act superior for various reasons, and I too have seen some Vminies do this. Getting a lot of moments is sure nice. But honestly, just imagine if another ship came and mocked Vmin or gloated every time they got more moments. It has surely happened too, and I am sure it doesn’t feel very nice when on the negative end. Just be a decent human, ship moments will always vary and it’s great to be happy about getting moments, but there is no need to compare or look down on other ships. I say it again, shipping is not a competition, just enjoy your own ship and let others enjoy theirs.

As for feelings superior based on group behavior I think we really need to stop looking at groups and start looking at individuals, both when it comes to groups we are part of and groups we consider “bad”. I have said it many times, but individuals of other groups we don’t agree with won’t all be bad, or all stupid or young etc. We might want to tell ourselves they are worse, but it really doesn’t change much. 

Being “less bad” it not a merit and it shouldn’t be a competition. We all have our own selves to answer to and we should judge other people based on their actions and not based on what group they might belong to.

I think size and the toxicity of a narrative can lead to more people in certain groups behaving in toxic ways... But I think any person could happen to fall into these behaviors if not careful and aware. Often the change is gradual too, or you feel attacked by the other “rival group” and thus feel it’s justified to attack back, and so it escalates.

Vminies are at the moment as a group smaller, and thus have less “bad apples”. We likely also have a narrative for Vmin that doesn’t require as toxic mindsets, for example extreme jealousy or Vmin being forced to hide. But there for sure are still toxic Vminies, and there are also a lot of non-toxic shippers in all groups. Usually the louder ones are also the worst ones while the chill and nice will remain in their own lane and ship more peacefully. But being part of a smaller group doesn’t make you superior, your actions is what is important.

As for small moments getting noticed or other types of “validation” for your ship, of course it’s going to feel nice. However, what people see and think of any relationship in BTS is still just an outsider view and literally has no meaning for their actual relationship beyond it being a cute moment. That’s why size and popularity also doesn’t matter as any kind of “proof”. Interpretation will always just be interpretation, good or bad, if you like it or not.

Sadly I think we will get more and more toxic behavior from more ships as the fandom grows and as some things get more normalized within those ships’ communities. It’s about certain behaviors growing into a community culture... The more toxicity that is allowed the more others will follow. That’s why bringing up the problems is important, but trying to do so without shunning people so that they don’t go and create their own space where everyone else is the enemy. After all, being open and welcoming and understanding is much more likely to make someone listen and even change their mind than by attacking them.

I answer for my own actions. So does every person. I don’t want to be judged for everything every Vminie or ARMY or Multi K-pop fan etc. has done. Generalization is a huge problem in general, not just in fandoms or ship wars. I do try to be a positive influence, to not judge too harshly and to remember that being hostile won’t help any situation. But that’s about it. I am glad you brought up this topic, because talking about it is important, but sadly I don’t think there is a lot that can be done about it. Just try to be nice and open minded.

Thank you for the ask, I hope you all understood what I wanted to say.

Ask 4 - Not dismissing the bond between Vmin and the other boys

Thank you. I really see no need for it. It’s clear as day that they all love each other, and even if one pair would happen to be romantic instead of platonic that won’t change. We don’t have to compare and we definitely don’t have to downplay the moments they share with each other. All shippers should at the very least accept the the things they do and say as mostly genuine. I trust BTS and what they show us, it’s that easy.

I know some also get influenced by toxic fans, but we really need to remember that no narratives by fans matter when it comes to reality and what bonds BTS share with each other. They are all great people and seem to have such love and respect for each other I frankly don’t understand how you can be a fan if you think any of it is played up to the point some claim.

Likely no ship in BTS is real, but if any is, to me I am sure the ones involved would be happy and supported by the rest of the members. That’s why it doesn’t really matter what ship would be real or not real as long as they are happy. We shouldn’t let our own views and sometimes want or hopes affect the way be judge their reality. This applies for things outside shipping as well.

Thank you for your kind words. :)

Ask 5 - Other people’s words can influence your thoughts

Indeed. The brain is a powerful thing. This is very obvious if you are a multi-shipper or a general fan, but BTS truly has a lot of questionable moments between all kinds of pairs. Focus is a interesting thing. If you like something you will notice it more, and you will also remember it more while you forget other moments. Likewise if something is “negative” like a rival ship you are likely to notice them more as well. This happens even if you just watch the general content and get your own bias. Imagine then how it might influence you when others keep repeating either your happy interpretations or things you worry about? You’ll get it stuck in your head and remember it more than other things.

Like isn’t it funny how we might gush about Vmin sharing beds, or worry about ji/kook or tae/kook cuddling while hope/kook literally sleep wrapped around each other in both Bon Voyage 3 and 4? Sometimes it’s all about perspective.

By now we need to realize that fan perspective will influence us a lot. And in particular if a lot of people say it or if it is presented in a way that makes it sound logical and intelligent. Words have power. 

I still think using “Vmin is dead” or spreading worry often in itself leads to people thinking it and it being somehow accepted as fact. In similar fashion getting to hear about certain ships or certain narratives will make us notice things in relation to that. My own words and posts too will have influence on some people that read them. That’s why I try to be so careful, and why I try to avoid using strong words or claims that might cement themselves in someone’s mind. (I’ll actually talk more about the power of language in my big analysis as well)

Thank you for your input, it’s definitely an interesting thing to consider and another aspect of why shipping mentality is so complicated. 

Ask 6 - Vmin not sharing rooms in Bon Voyage Malta

Hi and yes, I have answered this before HERE, but it’s ok. I know it’s not easy finding old topics amongst my collection posts.

Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN Collection of asks 2 - BTSandVMIN Collection of asks 3 - BTSandVMIN

In short I think Vmin wanted to share rooms but that Taehyung got fooled when Jimin stopped him from checking the upper room. Because it seemed like Jimin stopped him from walking into that room by saying he couldn’t peak Tae probably assumed it wasn’t Jimin’s room and that when Jimin said it was his room he was joking (his face was definitely something). So yeah, I think he just got fooled by Jimin’s statement about not being allowed to look inside the room before picking. There are other interesting things about this whole moment, but the one thing we should take away from it is how it is one out of now many examples that seem to show that Vmin have a preference to share rooms/beds. Thank you for the ask. :)

Ask 7 - Has being a Vmin shipper always been so overwhelming with all the content?

I wouldn’t say it’s something recent. I say it often, but we really do get very intense periods from time to time with many of the ships. For example in February 2017 with ISAC, fan signs and everything else we got a lot of Vmin too. I remember being overwhelmed myself, and that was coming out of BST era Vmin. We got many moments every day and that’s just one specific period I can remember. 

 Over the years sometimes we do get these very intense days or weeks with a lot of moments at once. Usually I get asks like “do you think something is up with Vmin lately” or “wow I can’t believe how much Vmin we have gotten lately” but really, it’s hard to tell, because it really does happen from time to time. I also still say we always get Vmin moments regularly as long as we get BTS content, but sometimes a bit more and sometimes less. I am sure there will be more times when we also get “Vmin is dead“ and worried people because we get less moments than they expect. It just happens, up and down and around it goes.

As for what ships are big I will definitely say Ji/kook and Tae/kook are the biggest, but that all BTS ships are big by now. Meaning as soon as we do get moments it will be seen online. Especially if you follow people who talk about it of course. I also think what platform you are on can result in some ships being seen more than others. For example I know ji/kook is by far the biggest BTS ship here on Tumblr while Youtube seems to have more tae/kookers.

Thank you for the ask. Let’s hope Vmin keeps overwhelming us. (But let’s not start to worry if they don’t) ;)

Ask 8 - “Just a friend” interview

Ah yes, I have a bit of a soft spot for this interview myself. I am not sure, but I think it might be from 2017 (since Tae wrote a birthday letter to Jimin in 2016), or at least that’s when I found it and saved it down. I haven’t actually tracked the original source. You can find the translation in the link shared HERE, credits to @95z​.

Seeing this close after the chaos of Let’s BTS and other letter confessions it really does seem very cringe for them to express sincere thoughts in these more formal ways. I can’t blame them. 

I do think this interview is yet another example of how much Vmin has tried to adapt to each other, learn and be more open with expressing how they feel. They literally inspire and learn from each other in how to express themselves. Isn’t it completely endearing? 

I also love how they get each other to feel strong emotions and how they are there for each other when in need. On a slightly more analytical note I also can’t help but note the “just a friend” vs “soulmate” descriptions and how they seem to have a hard time putting it into proper words. We already know this of course, but yeah... They really don’t have an easy time describing their relationship.

Thank you so much for sharing this moment. I was going to talk about it in my big analysis anyways, but honestly I can’t save everything for it, and you mentioned it so who am I to keep it to myself.

Ask 9 - The garnet necklace

Oh yeah, I know that JK wore it once and that the talk was that a fan gave it to all of maknae line. Not much was ever confirmed from what I know, but regardless it doesn’t change why I think it’s a Vmin/soulmate necklace and why I see it as special.

Here is the thing, when I use “Vmin thing” it really doesn’t have to be exclusive. To me it’s the context around it and how they have used it and even reacted to it that makes the garnet necklace something special for Vmin. In the case of the soulmate necklace Vmin wore it a lot. Almost constantly during a big part of 2017 and even a bit into 2018. They also wore it at the same time a lot. I find this very cute, and we all know “couple items” is something all fans enjoy even if it would just be a platonic relationship behind it. But if both of them wearing it was all there was, as a lot of Vmin sharing clothes (or BTS in general sharing clothes) I wouldn’t really think too much about it beyond it being cute. It could still be just a cute thing that Vmin did, but I personally see it as something beyond the normal clothes/jewelry sharing.

(At the very least you can remember Vmin did this while people thought their relationship was dead, which doesn’t make much sense to do if you hate or dislike someone.)

The things I find more noteworthy about this necklace is the fact that the fandom picked up on it and because they wore it so much and so often at the same time it was dubbed the “soulmate necklace”. Possibly knowing this Tae also brought specific attention to the necklace at two times, as if wanting to show it off. Interestingly enough, in one of these times Jimin seemed to ignore Taehyung who was bringing attention to it on purpose. For me it came across as another thing Taehyung wanted to show off and that Jimin was a bit more careful about. 

Of course I could have read it wrong, maybe Jimin just misunderstood. But even so, Tae did bring attention to it in specific relation to Jimin. You can watch the clip HERE. (BTS Tell Us What They Love About Each Other & An Update On Tony & Nate From America Hustle Life) 

The other time was in Run ep. 39, right after Vmin talked about being in school together and showing off their school uniforms. If Tae is the one to try and highlight something, I feel it likely has some meaning to him at least.

Either way the necklace is basically a symbol of Vmin’s relationship and the fact that they liked it so much and wore it together during a long period I think they liked wearing it not only because they both happened to like the design but because they both had it. If JK also had one and didn’t use it of course it could include him, but I will still say it remains significant for Vmin’s bond with each other.

As for buying a necklace together they haven’t talked about this one in particular, but Tae did mention he bought his tiger necklace with Jimin in NY, so maybe you are mixing the two things up?

Ask 10 - Vmin in CMs

Thank you for loving my blog and for the ask! :) I am not sure if you perhaps meant in a lot of BTS own photoshoots/units as well, but I’ll focus on CMs in this post since that was your direct example. I might go a bit beyond here, but I saw it as a good chance to revisit some Vmin ad moments.

I wouldn’t personally say we have gotten “way more” but I do think because of their Friends unit they got to do some more interviews together and some CM stuff too. I also think we have gotten more BTS commercials in general now, likely because it’s an income alternative to touring during the pandemic. So that obviously means more CMs, and more chances for them to be paired up. They also have gotten paired with others of course (like in the Bodyfriend CM or Baskin Robbins), but most commonly they aren’t divided in smaller groups at all.

We also have gotten Vmin paired up before, both in photoshoots and in CMs. Of course we saw some great ones in 2016 with Puma and NUGU, but I don’t think we got that much more in 2016 and before than in 2017-2019. I think what we can see is BTS having more endorsements after Covid.

Like honestly, the Puma adds are iconic. Of course the original one, but also the revisits from 2018. Puma definitely seemed to like to pair Vmin in particular. (There are so many good examples from Puma that I’m not including)

We also got a snippet in the Hyundai one, also from 2018.

Another snippet from the Coconut Chicken ad from 2017.

I mean, I don’t know if I should count the snippets at all, like from BTS x VT cosmetics in 2019, but I feel sometimes just being seen in the same frame seems to get attention as being paired up so. (I decided to not include being together when it’s at least a third member in the frame)

And guys... Have you ever watched BTS and the milk song?

What did we get so far more recently? In 2020 we had the Hyundai interview.

And the hyundai #PositiveEnergyChallenge

Fila provided a nice one, also from 2020.

Samsung gave us a snippet recently.

Coway was basically couple goals and like the best one in my own opinion (besides Puma because it is going to take a lot to beat Puma).

But other than that? I don’t think we have seen it that much, have we? I am not complaining or anything, like I am happy with what we got, but I don’t know if it’s that much. I might forget some obvious ones, but these were the ones I had top of mind. Feel free to add ads if you can think of more recent ones that I left out.

So I think we have gotten more BTS ads in general, also more where they are not all of them or single focus, and that we have seen maybe Vmin getting paired a little more after Friends. But to me there is such a small difference I can’t really say if it is anything particular to Vmin or just BTS doing more CMs.

I mean, I don’t have a sheet of who has been paired with who and how many times over the years. But either way I don’t think we should look too deeply into things like CMs or even photoshoots units. Thanks for the ask though, I hope you enjoyed this mini collection. :)

Ask 11 - Taehyung uncomfortable about shipping/tae*kook?

So this is a thought sent in after THIS ASK though it really brings up a new subject, which is that of Tae possibly being uncomfortable with shipping. As for Tae saying that to a tae/kooker in particular I think we have to remember it could very easily just have been in the moment and we can’t know why he decided to reply to that person in particular.

The Vmin post was not invasive and it wasn’t romantic. I mean, I do think Tae keeps showing again and again that if there is any person in BTS that is special to him it’s Jimin. But the difference in the posts also likely matters, but we can’t know how much. We don’t know if Tae would feel annoyed if a Vminie wrote the same thing as the tae/kooker did, and we don’t know if it was just in that moment that he got fed up with the shipping discourse in general, or if it was because it was tae/kook.

Honestly any shipper, regardless if a ship would eventually prove to be real or not, should not go and invade spaces where the boys get exposed to it. We don’t know if Taehyung would have reacted in a similar way if it happened to be another ship.

Personally I don’t think tae/kook drifted apart as a result of shipping, because honestly they still kept being pretty intimate physically and engaged in fanservice on stage etc. If they truly were uncomfortable with the idea I just don’t think they would “feed it” much at all. I think as they said in ITS they just, kind of changed and it became harder to talk. I’ve talked more about tae/kook and my views on their bond in THIS POST and a little in THIS POST as well as about BTS possible stance on shipping HERE.

I also think all of BTS has a pretty good distance from hate and fandom speculations in general. I think that because they know about shipping and partly also feed into it they probably expect crazy people to some degree as well, even if they probably don’t like it. Hetero shippers as well, or solo stans etc. have very toxic behaviors at times, but I think BTS can recognize that it is kind of “bound to happen” with their popularity, no matter what they do about it. Not saying they would like it, and they could definitely feel awkward or annoyed because of it, but it doesn’t seem to bother them too much as I think they can detach themselves from it pretty well.

I also think “fan opinions” in form of rival shipping wouldn’t really harm a hidden couple as it first would likely be a sort of “shield” and second because they have their relationships and are likely comfortable with them on their own terms. What fans think is probably secondary.

It is possible that they could get annoyed or frustrated at times, but again, if they truly felt bothered by it they probably wouldn’t do a lot of the things they do. Because I am sure they are aware to some degree that fans scrutinize their every move and ship moments. Both Tae and Jimin are some of the most physical out of the members, and also some of the members that seem to like to initiate fanservice moments... So I doubt they would have much problem and can feel secure enough in their relationship no matter what fans think.

Ask 12 - What did Jimin write on his shirt in Run ep. 53?

Hi, I guess you got curious after I talked about this episode recently in my post Ask: Reply - 2021.03.30 (Ask 8 - Going down the rabbit hole, micromoments and shipping vs believing).

I don’t know hangul, but I do know what “Jimin” looks like. On Jimin’s shirt from behind the scenes of Run ep. 53 you can see he’s written his own name “지민” Jimin followed by what looks to be “ 님 “ which is nim. So basically the text on the container in the picture says Sir Jimin.

Jimin seemed very keen on writing his name on both his own shirt and on Tae’s and even tried on JK’s. He failed of course, but he sure did try. 

Thank you for the ask, and isn’t Tae cute?

Ask 13 - Gina Maeng ask follow up

Glad you liked my reply. :) (From Ask: Reply - 2021.03.30  Ask 4 - Idols dating members of the same group). Yeah I get what you mean, talking about it openly I suppose isn’t so normal. But since it seems to be more and more fans who assume it happens to some degree maybe it’s not so strange if it starts getting more talked about as well. I’ll take it as a good sign, even if the information is nothing new in itself, being more open is going to make it easier for fans to realize it’s possible for their idols to be LGBT+ or have hidden relationships.

As for K-Population it doesn’t seem to be too well known, but it’s one of few actual examples to be found. So yeah, interesting that we know it has happened, and also that it shows what risks it could mean to get involved with a group member. I think the risk of a falling out is something a lot of shippers tend to forget. Anyways, thank you for your reply. ^_^

Ask 14 - Vmin’s love is beautiful (and so much nice praise omg)

Oh my... I am not sure I have ever been called sweetheart by anyone ever before. Thank you! You are making me blush with all the praise.  💜💜💜

But really, we can all just watch Vmin in awe and be happy they have each other and feel such immense love for each other, no matter what that love is. It’s kind of amazing. Like even if they are platonic their relationship is so wholesome and they put so much love and effort into it that it’s truly inspirational. I love when we get bombed with moments like this with a very intense period of great Vmin interactions. As you, me too never fail to feel all soft watching them together.

95z is love and what a love they share. Truly wonderful. 💜

You take care too, and really, thank you so much for this lovely message. it means a lot and is very heartwarming.

And with that sweet ask I’ll end the post. There was a lot of very different questions and I feel I could have written more about many of them, but alas I need to remember I can’t write full essays on everything or I would never get anything posted. Thank you all for reading and I hope you found my thoughts and speculations interesting. ^-^

[hongism]

mists of celeste ➻ 29

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, smut ➻ Word Count: 5.5k ➻ Rating: M ➻ Warnings: language, violence, guns and weaponry, blood, future warnings tba ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

⇐ previous | next ⇒ | masterlist

✧✧✧ act four ➻ part four

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Silence is like an old friend: always present and there for you even when everyone and everything else left you. You find comfort in the quiet, and as such, you normally wouldn’t find yourself so bothered by the absence of sound. Yet here you are, standing a few feet from Jongho’s bed in a room that is all too cold and all too quiet. Truly, there isn’t much to say, but that doesn’t keep you from wanting to speak up and offer some sort of weak attempt to get him to stay. Before you can, however, San beats you to it. You aren’t sure whether to be grateful or not because the lingering goodbye just hovers on your tongue now.

“Are you truly going to do this, Jongho?”

The Berserker hesitates where he stands near the bed, hands clasped around a small bundle of clothes. For a moment, you think he’s going to ignore San’s question and continue to pack in silence. Then, he offers a shrug.

“Hongjoong didn’t stop me, did he?” You shake your head with a certain fervor to your movements.

“There’s no way he wants you to leave,” you counter. Perhaps it is merely an attempt to cling to that hope, but the Hongjoong you saw in his quarters was a version of him you’ve never seen before. Jongho shifts to look at you, eyes a bit melancholy as he drags his gaze over your face.

“Obviously information is far more important than I am.” He says the words with a bit of a laugh to his tone, though all three of you know that there’s no humor to be found in this situation. Your lips fold into a delicate frown.

“Why is this even an issue? Is there a reason why Hongjoong is so adamant about bringing Mingi to the arena? Why can’t he just stay on the ship while the rest of us go on the mission?” You shake your head a bit as you ask the questions and drop your gaze to the floor. There is no reasonable explanation as to why Hongjoong would behave this way in your mind, no matter how many excuses you try to give in his defense.

“Because Vladimir plays dirty,” San says through a sigh. “He knows that Mingi is on this crew, and he’s been after Mingi for years. Offered countless deals and bargains for Mingi’s head, trying to get Hongjoong to give him up. Hongjoong has always turned down the offers without a second thought, but that doesn’t keep Vladimir from trying time and time again. He wants Mingi. And he is a man who is used to getting what he wants.”

“Do you think that what he’s after?” You inquire, blinking over to where San stands with arms folded neatly over his chest.

“If he has agreed to meet Hongjoong, then yeah. That means he, in the very least, has eyes on the ship. So if he sees every member of the crew leave the ship except for Mingi, his men will ambush and take Mingi by any means necessary. Even if someone stays behind with Mingi, the risk is still there. Thus… Hongjoong would rather risk Mingi having an episode in the arena or take the easy way out and wipe his brain.”

“But why?” It still doesn’t make sense to you, but at this rate, it’s seeming less and less likely that it will ever make sense. “That seems too pricy a cost for such a small risk, along with the assumption that Mingi can’t protect himself.”

“It isn’t about cost,” Jongho cuts in. “Nor is it a failure to believe in Mingi’s capabilities. It’s… deeper than that. Hongjoong always worries about something happening to Mingi when he isn’t there. He thinks it’s risky enough to send Mingi with San and me, but he can’t bring him to Vladimir. That would be the worst of all shitty ass ideas. Do I see the logic in bringing Mingi to the arena? Of course, I do. Having him be off to the side and in one of the wings – that would make it easier to keep him out of Vladimir’s sights. It would help him blend in with the crowd, hide from whatever guards Vladimir will have, more space to run if the need arises. You can’t do that on a ship with only a few exits. Hongjoong is thinking, and he’s thinking hard, yes, but at the same time, he’s being a complete dumbass.”

The steady thrum of silence follows Jongho’s explanation, and you can’t come up with anything to say in response. Neither can San, or so it seems, because he offers a nod but nothing other than that. Then, like a switch being flipped in his brain, he spins to face you with inquisitive eyes.

“You’re the only one here who has actually had the procedure done.” It isn’t spoken like a question, moreso a fact, but you find yourself responding as though it is one nonetheless.

“Yes? As far as I’m aware.”

“Well, that would also make you the only person who knows what it’s like to go through that even if the memories of it are hazy and foggy.” You press your lips tightly together, unable to look San in the eye any longer. The embarrassment of your earlier collapse and partial breakdown is still fresh, and as much as you don’t want to admit it, you also are struggling to get past the harsh memory. “Would you willingly subject another person to that?”

Ah, morality. An equally funny and tricky thing to handle in any situation. Now, it seems even more delicate and fragile, something you have to weigh ever so carefully to keep from saying the wrong thing. What is wrong when it comes to criminals though? Are there different rules to play by, a separate set of guidelines that all should follow to decide what’s best, or does one leave it to fate instead? Let the universe decide how morality should be weighed on the scales of justice?

You’ve never been one to listen to the universe, even when it stands in your path and screams for you to listen.

“Only if they want it,” you start in a whispered tone. “Never against their will obviously but… but if someone were to ask for it and agree to it, then yes.”

“So if Mingi truly wants it, then you would be okay with the method?” San’s question stops you in your tracks. Perhaps you have said the wrong thing or made a mistake in saying what you did — you are well aware of what San’s response would be, so maybe that is why he is so frustrated with yours. San would have you say that it is impermissible under any and all circumstances, even with clearly defined guidelines and consent. His morals make you question your own even though you know where he is coming from. To him, it is all a matter of relations. Having a relationship with a solid foundation means that it is perfectly alright to think that way. Yet using San’s moral guidelines, that would mean that the closer you get to someone, the more you take away from them. Their choice, their thought process, how they decide things, even their own moral standards. Can you truly permit that in good conscience? For once, your answer seems clear.

“Yes,” you relent after a few breaths of hesitation. “That’s what I’m saying.”

“Would you say the same if it were myself or Jongho? Or Seonghwa?” Again, you hesitate – this time longer than before, and you almost neglect to answer the question entirely. You muster up the courage at the last second, however, but you don’t think it’s the response San wants to hear still.

“Again, if it’s what you truly want, then why would it be fair for someone to stop you? Why take away that choice?”

“But Hongjoong is taking away Mingi’s choice now!” Jongho argues, stepping towards you with knitted brows. “He is abusing his power as Captain! He knows that Mingi would do absolutely anything that he told him to do. It’s not free will or a choice if someone only gives you one option.”

“And yet… it’s not all Hongjoong, is it?” San inquires through a delicate frown. “Yunho is the one who brought it up and made it an option in the first place.”

Jongho brings a hand to his hair, carding his fingers through the dark locks sitting atop his head. He drops his gaze to the floor too and refuses to look in San’s direction until he makes it back to where he was packing clothes.

“Yeah, I already ripped into him for that.”

“Do you know why he did it? It doesn’t make sense for Yunho of all people to bring it up. Out of everyone, he’s the one with the strongest moral compass, so why – no, how – how could he do something so immoral?”

“Morals are different for everyone.” Jongho huffs air through his nose and lets the sound fill the air without interruption for several moments. “What’s moral to one person could be wholly immoral to another. Look at how Mingi was raised, how he was taught that the way he thinks is right and that it’s the proper method of thought and morality. Others consider him to be an immoral monster with no concept of right and wrong, but in his own mind, that isn’t how it works. Yunho… Yunho genuinely believes that doing this is truly the only option. We’ve never seen eye to eye on Mingi’s condition, of course, but – or how to help, now that I think about it – but I know I can’t convince Yunho to change his mind. Hongjoong however? I can change his mind for certain.”

“What do y–” The door interrupts you, sliding open before you can complete the question, and you whip to face the source of the sound. San and Jongho move with you, eyes reaching the door before yours do. You almost expect to find Hongjoong standing there just based on the sigh that through Jongho’s lips, but you’re even more surprised to see that it is Seonghwa instead. He pauses midstride upon seeing you, no doubt expecting to find Jongho alone in the room. His mouth hangs slightly open as his eyes dart up to meet yours. The stare lingers too long, continuing to bore into you as he shifts his chin in Jongho’s direction.

“Lieutenant,” Jongho greets. His tone is cold and flat, almost like nothing is different about this situation. You know better than to believe that. Jongho’s next words only solidify that fact. “I suppose that’s the last time I’ll be calling you that.”

It’s like a knife in the chest yet somehow ten times worse. San’s expression visibly twists, and he turns away so that no one sees the extent of his pain.

“Don’t think so negatively, Jongho,” Seonghwa murmurs as he steps further into the room. “Hongjoong doesn’t want you to leave. Why would he ever want that?”

“Then why isn’t he here to tell me that himself?” Jongho snorts out a laugh following the harsh question. “Why is it that good Lieutenant Park always does the dirty work for him?”

“Come now, Jongho. Don’t get bitter now of all times.”

“Oh, fuck off! Let me be bitter! Mingi is the only fucking person on this ship who knows what it’s like to feel the way I feel and suffer the way I suffer. He’s the only person who I think can give me the redemption I need so desperately. He has always been my responsibility and mine alone. I know how to help him, I believe in him, and I put some damn faith in him getting better without any fucking procedures. I can be bitter all I want because Hongjoong is putting zero faith in Mingi.”

“I understand, Jongho.”

In the blink of an eye, Jongho has moved from the edge of the bed to the wall, the only thing between him and the metal being Seonghwa. His hand closes around Seonghwa’s throat while the other draws back as though he’s about to punch the lieutenant.

“You don’t understand shit!”

Seonghwa doesn’t dare to budge, but both you and San snap into action, rushing to grab Jongho and pull him off the other man. Before you have the chance to do anything, Seonghwa lifts his hand and makes a halting motion.

“You can hit me if it’ll make you feel better.”

Jongho’s fist wavers where it is, and he lowers it back down to his side after a moment without doing anything. His hand falls away from Seonghwa’s throat as well, letting the lieutenant breathe easily once more, and he steps away while heaving a deep sigh.

“You shouldn’t take everything for Hongjoong. If I’m gonna hit someone, it’ll be him.” Jongho waves a hand towards the door. “If all you came here to do was be a punching bag for Hongjoong, then you can go.”

“No, actually... that’s not why I came.” Seonghwa pushes himself off the wall, straightening the collar of his turtleneck as best he can. “I don’t want to use the serum, Jongho. I don’t want Mingi to go near the arena at all. Hongjoong and I -- we never came to an agreement about it after everyone left. He merely made the decision as the captain. I tried my best to change his mind, I truly did, but I couldn’t -- I-I don’t understand why I couldn’t.” Seonghwa’s gaze darts to the floor, looking over the patterns along the carpet before pulling back up to look Jongho in the eye. He stretches a hand out and clamps it over Jongho’s shoulder. The Berserker allows the touch, albeit begrudgingly. “I truly don’t want any harm to come to Mingi, but I can’t stop Hongjoong just by talking to him.”

Seonghwa glances past Jongho’s shoulder to stare San in the eye with such intensity to his gaze that you get a chill down your spine.

“The mission tomorrow cannot be successful under any circumstances.”

“Yes, you’re right.” San hums to himself for a moment, then looks off to the side. “The only way to stop Hongjoong from getting his way would be to fail to get the serum. What’s the plan then? We should destroy the serum if we find it, no?” San turns to you now, eyes expectant and waiting for some sort of input on your part, but you genuinely don’t know what he wants you to say.

Instead of saying anything, you shift your chin in the opposite direction and avoid his probing stare.

“What’s on your mind, Y/N?”

“Nothing,” you mutter back quickly.

No matter which way you look at the situation, you can only see it as taking away Mingi’s choice. No one is asking him what he wants, and while you understand the reasoning behind that, you cannot grasp how this is the just thing to do. Whether you give him the serum or not, he won’t have a say in the matter. Where is the line drawn? When it comes to morality, when is it okay to take away someone’s consent and leave them with nothing? Surely when it comes to protecting them, but both these options... both can defend him. What then?

No one presses you for answers, and you’re immensely grateful for that because it allows you to ask your next question with relative ease.

“How are we going to pull this off with Yeosang on the mission? Wouldn’t he tell Hongjoong?”

“Even Yeosang will see reason,” San argues. A sigh passes through Seonghwa’s slightly parted lips.

“I would take Yeosang’s place on the mission, but given my resistance to the plan... that would be suspicious. Hongjoong knows me far too well and would see through it in an instant. He picked Yeosang and San because they follow orders best and do what’s asked of them. And he picked Y/N because she’s the one with the most military experience. Yeosang has experience but… he was a prince, not a soldier. His specialty was out in the field, whereas yours was in teams, working in units, not being at the front of the line. That’s why you’re being put on the team, for that experience.”

“Experience that’s absolutely useless,” you snort, folding your arms over your chest. “I don’t remember what the serum looked like. And no offense, but I sure as hell don’t want to try to remember what it looked like either.”

“No, no, that’s not it.” Seonghwa shakes his head, barely sparing you a second glance in favor of looking at San. “In order to get the serum, you’ll be breaking into a military base.”

“Have you gone fucking mad?” San seethes, hands balling into tight fists at his sides. Seonghwa levels him with ease and sends such a heated glare his way that Jongho stands up a bit straighter.

“If you think even for a second that I did not try my damndest to get Hongjoong to change the plan, you would be horribly wrong,” Seonghwa hisses through gritted teeth. San shifts under the weight of his tone but doesn’t say anything in response. “The only reason I left Hongjoong’s quarters was to keep from knocking him out. If there was any other option, I would take it.”

Jongho clears his throat and effectively breaks the tension between the two men, shaking his head slightly as he steps closer to them.

“There is another option.” Jongho jerks his head towards you and San. He points a single finger in your direction, aimed right at your head, and you press your lips together tightly as confusion washes over you. “I’m leaving in the morning at the same time as you two and Yeosang are to leave for the mission. You will have comms on hand, obviously. Yeosang and San can sneak into the base, guided by you over comms, but you won’t have to set foot inside. And at least for your peace of mind and security, I can stay with you at a secure location while you guide them through the base.”

“That...” Seonghwa trails off and draws his lips together in a tight knot. “That might work, actually.”

“Wow, don’t sound so surprised.”

“No, I’m not surprised,” Seonghwa retorts through a scoff. “I’ll be in charge of listening over comms throughout the mission. If we can come up with a system – a sort of code word – to keep Hongjoong from catching on, we might be able to pull this off. I’ll be at the comms station on the bridge, so Hongjoong won’t hear anything except for what I say. Thus, I can’t very well say that it’s time to destroy the serum.”

“When I was – in my team in the military, we had a system for explosive and detonation squadrons,” you cut in, fingers snapping together in sudden realization. 

“I didn’t realize you were a part of an explosives team,” Seonghwa remarks. His brows draw together a bit as he speaks, and you can sense the question on his lips before he even asks it. 

“That’s the thing you’re most concerned about right now?” You don’t intend for the question to come out so aggressive, and the slight shock that passes over Seonghwa’s expression only serves to make you feel ten times worse about the slip of your tongue. “Anyway, there was always a worry of someone listening in on our comms, so it was a failsafe more than anything else, but we used ‘package’ as a keyword for a bomb. ‘Secure the package’ meant it was time to place the bomb, ‘package secured’ meant that the bomb was in place and ready to be detonated, and ‘come home’ was a go signal for detonation. A bit basic, yes, but useful nonetheless.”

“That should be a perfect plan, no?” San inquires, blinking over at where Seonghwa is standing. The lieutenant maintains his stare on you for quite some time; he almost seems lost in thought to a certain degree, and it takes San clearing his throat for Seonghwa to snap out of it.

“Yes, we’ll just need the package to be the serum rather than a bomb. Jongho—” he outstretches a hand to the Berserker, hesitating a few inches from his arm, “—does this mean that you’ll stay then?”

“Only if you manage to pull this off.”

“I’d like to think I know what I’m doing.” Seonghwa huffs out a light laugh and pulls his hand back to run it through his hair. “This isn’t the first time I’ve gone against Hongjoong’s wishes. Right now though, someone needs to go talk to Yeosang about this plan. Preferably one of you two.” Seonghwa angles two fingers towards you and San, and you glance over at the Spectre before saying anything yourself.

“Yeosang will never listen to me,” San cuts in with a sharp shake of his head. “And I’m not all too inclined to have a one on one conversation with him anyway.”

“Then I’ll go.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jongho mutters through a sigh. “I need to talk to Wooyoung about… this mess. I know he’s the most upset by it.”

“Right, that’ll be fine.” Seonghwa thumbs over his chin, seeming to drift off into thought once more. The wear is starting to show more clearly on his features; the way his blinking has slowed considerably and become a bit hard to keep up with. It’s more than evident that he is struggling to stay awake with each passing second, and that alone makes you wonder exactly how much he and Hongjoong have been up over this past week in preparation for this mission. “Y/N, inform Yeosang of the plan. If Wooyoung is there, it should be easier to convince him since Wooyoung will most certainly agree with the plan. Hopefully, this can be a smooth and painless mission for once, but nonetheless… good luck. I won’t be able to talk to any of you until we’re on comms tomorrow. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go talk to Yunho about what the hell is going through his head in all this mess.”

Seonghwa turns to the door and readies himself to leave, but Jongho doesn’t let him get far, hand darting out to catch hold of the lieutenant’s arm. 

“Keep… keep working on Hongjoong, would you?” Jongho’s request is spoken in a soft tone, and he barely glances up at Seonghwa as he speaks. Seonghwa smiles back at him even though the other man can’t see his expression.

“Of course. We’ll get this worked out as best we can.”

Jongho’s hand falls away from his arm, and Seonghwa takes the opportunity to step out of the room without saying anything else. The silence that drapes over the remaining three of you is not welcome, but you relish in it while you can, knowing that these next few days won’t be peaceful in the slightest. San lets it linger for a few seconds, fingers combing through his dark hair, then he releases a deep sigh.

“Good luck with Yeosang. You’ll need it. I’m gonna head down to the hangar bay to get weapons sorted for tomorrow.”

Jongho nods, and you follow suit quickly when San’s gaze travels over to where you’re standing. He smiles a bit, gaze unreadable as he moves out the door and leaves you and Jongho alone. There’s an opportunity now – you could ask Jongho if he’s truly alright now that it’s just the two of you, but your voice dies in the back of your throat before you can even think about what to say.

“Let’s go get this over with. I’m not looking forward to chatting with Wooyoung.”

“Why not?” You rush to ask the question before you can second-guess yourself, falling into step with Jongho as he leads the way out of the room.

“Outside of Yeosang, I’m the closest to him but… if there was a way to avoid this, then I would have done it. There’s always too much collateral damage when it comes to fights like these. Hurting him is the last thing I wanted to do.” Jongho pauses, lips stuttering and remaining parted for quite some time before he speaks again. “The worst part about being a Berserker isn’t the – the rage or the violent tendencies I feel. It’s t-the pain. When I hurt someone I care about, I feel that pain so strongly, and I – sometimes I wish I could be like Mingi instead, not have the ability to feel bad when that pain comes or not be able to understand it because understanding is worse. This just… it has to work out.”

“It will,” you murmur. Your eyes trace the edges of Jongho’s features – his knitted brows and downcast gaze – and you are in the midst of reaching out to grab his arm when he halts all of a sudden. You forgot how short the walk would be; you’re already standing outside Yeosang’s door, the metal nameplate on the wall reading his name in small letters. Jongho knocks hard at the door with the back of his hand.

“Yeosang, you in there?”

A high-pitched yelp resounds, followed by a hefty thud that sounds something like a body hitting the floor, then Wooyoung’s squealing tone apologizing, and you and Jongho exchange confused glances. Whatever hit the floor – most like Yeosang from the sounds of it – groans and pulls itself up before coming to the door and heaving a deep sigh. The metal panel slides open to reveal a disheveled Yeosang, hair a mess but overall collected. Wooyoung seems to be in a much more scrambled state with his shirt haphazard and untucked, eyes bloodshot – no doubt from crying – and lips a bit swollen and redder than usual. 

“Oh, yikes, did we interrupt something?” Jongho asks, taking a step away from the door.

“Oh, shut up!” Wooyoung huffs as he shoves his way past Yeosang to tackle Jongho with a tight hug. “You’re a dick,” he mumbles into Jongho’s shoulder, and the Berserker laughs at the snarky remark.

“You got me there, I’ll admit it.”

“Why are you here?” Yeosang cuts through the intimate moment to question you, eyes glaring holes into your skull as you linger outside the room. 

“I – We need to talk about the mission,” you explain. Yeosang arches a brow at you and continues to stare without making a sound, then he draws his arms up to fold over his chest. “It’s important, Yeosang.”

“Hm, must be for you to actually call me by name. Come in.” He waves you into the room, eyeing Wooyoung as the man continues to cling to Jongho for dear life. You step in and wait for the door to snap shut before beginning to speak again. 

“Tomorrow, you and San are going into the military alone. I’ll be with Jongho at a different location guiding you over comms. Seonghwa is going to be listening in and helping where he needs to, as well as keeping Hongjoong from figuring out what’s going on. We’ll ne–”

“And what exactly is going on?” Yeosang interjects. His gaze grows colder by the second, hitting you with such intensity that you feel a chill rush through your body. 

“Keeping Hongjoong from getting the serum,” you counter. You’re pushing as much assertiveness as you can into your tone, yet Yeosang still seems unfazed. “We have to keep him from wiping Mingi’s mind!”

“And why is that?”

“Why is that? Are you being fucking serious? Why the hell wouldn’t you be okay with this?” Your tone practically burns your throat as you hiss the words out. You dare to take a step in his direction, but that quickly turns out to be a horrid mistake. 

Yeosang sneers, upper lip curling upwards, then suddenly his fist connects with your stomach. You double over at the impact, and Wooyoung is calling out Yeosang’s name, but the blond is already hellbent on giving you a piece of his mind. Lithe fingers curl around the base of your neck and push you back until you slam against the wall. There’s a striking sense of familiarity to this position – one that takes you back to the dusty desert of Medra where Yeosang left you with a thinly veiled threat concerning your intentions on the ship and crew. 

“You are on thin fucking ice as it is, Y/N. I only maintain civilities with you for Wooyoung’s sake, but honestly, I would have no qualms ending your life where you stand now if not for him. You had best take into consideration that you are not one of us. You haven’t been on this crew nearly long enough to be making such demands, and you haven’t earned an ounce of respect from me. If I were you, I wouldn’t dare to test my patience any more than you already have.”

“Yeosang, stop!” 

Wooyoung pulls away from Jongho and starts to move towards where Yeosang has you pinned. The fingers around your throat tighten to a dangerous degree. Black fills the edges of your vision. 

“Yeosang.” Wooyoung slips through the small gap between you and Yeosang, hands sliding up to cup Yeosang’s cheeks. Yeosang doesn’t relent in his grip. He stares past Wooyoung’s head in favor of glaring at you and doesn’t budge an inch as Wooyoung tries to push him back. “Stop it. Let her go. She’s right about this, and you know it. Are you really okay with forcing Mingi into this? All the progress we’ve made over the years would go down the drain, and for what? Absolutely nothing. Do you really think this is right?”

Yeosang’s grip wavers against your throat, but he still refuses to budge. Wooyoung pushes his head, the grip on his jaw tightening as he forces Yeosang to look at him.

“Look at me, Yeo. Look at me, please.”

“I’m an Elitist, Wooyoung, not some easily swayed Normie with a moral compass. It is in my nature to choose the most logical option. Getting on Hongjoong’s bad side isn’t logical. That won’t protect you in the long run. Taking away the most dangerous part of Mingi, taking away his aggression and hypersensitive trigger happy nature – that protects you.” Wooyoung snorts, head turning to the side as he laughs at Yeosang’s logic.

“Then tell me, Yeo, was shooting the chains of a prisoner and pushing him into an airlock the logical decision?” Yeosang’s eyes flash with barely contained rage. “Or was it the right thing to do?” 

Wooyoung drops his hands away from Yeosang’s face and tugs at the bindings over his injured hand. Yeosang doesn’t seem to process what he’s doing fast enough, and neither do you or Jongho because next thing you know, Wooyoung has his sleeve pulled up and is ripping at the barely closed wound. By the time Yeosang snaps into action, hand wrenching off your throat to stretch towards Wooyoung’s arm, blood already drips down the length of his forearm. Wooyoung smacks Yeosang’s desperate hand away from him and steps out of his reach.

“You can protect me from all sorts of things in the universe, Yeo, but you can’t protect me from myself. The logical thing to do would be to keep me from hurting myself, not allowing it, locking me up in chains and a straight-jacket. Put me in a room with padded walls and no sharp object where I can’t hurt myself. But you can’t do the logical thing, can you?” Wooyoung curls his fingers into a fist and extends his index finger towards Yeosang’s chest. Blood drips to the floor with the motion, and when Wooyoung jabs his finger into Yeosang’s torso, the Elitist lurches as though punched. “There’s a difference between a logical thing and a good thing. It’s time to do the right thing. If not for Mingi, then for me. Because I’m asking you to.”

Yeosang blinks down at the finger pressed to his chest without saying anything for what feels like an eternity. When he next looks up, his expression has lost every ounce of hostility. He matches Wooyoung’s stare with a considerably gentler one, and something akin to pride shines in his dark eyes before he shifts to face you once more.

“I’m on board for now. At least until it’s not the right thing to do anymore.” 

✧✧✧ a/n: hi guys wow this was longer than i anticipated??? i didn’t mean for it to be so long whoopsie bUT!!! big chapter kinda a filler chapter i was gonna make it longer but i decided to save that for the next chapter, so this one is more of an intimate in depth look at things 👀 how do we feel!!!

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

[invisibleinorange]

Swelter Weather 4/?

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Bridgerton Rating: M Warnings: None at this point. Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington,  Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington(besties),  Bridgerton Family Dynamics, Marina Thompson/Phillip Crane, Eloise Bridgerton/Phillip Crane, Kate Sheffield/Anthony Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton/Simon Hastings Characters: Colin Bridgerton,  Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Phillip Crane, Benedict Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton, Additional Tags:  Bridgerton, Polin

Summary: Colin Bridgerton is weary from travel and decides to spend the summer at the Aubrey Hall. While his initial plans were to avoid his perfect family, he ends up sharing the house with Eloise and Penelope. This is a Modern AU!

Colin paced the expanse of his room behind a closed door.  After a properly cold shower,  he’d gotten level-headed enough to figure out that Eloise was probably going to murder him in the very near future. He hadn’t quite come out and declared his undying love to Penelope but he was pretty sure that she’d received the message that he was interested.

If he was honest with himself, he knew he had been for years but he hadn’t allowed himself to act on it.  It was thing to steal her for a dance at family functions or have a fleeting conversation that made her smile.  There was no commitment there and very little chance of rejection since friends did those things.

She was one of the best things in his life and the last thing he wanted to do was mess it up.

She’d been responsive to him though.  He knew there was no innocent slant he could put on what had transpired while horseback riding.  She wasn’t the innocent girl he’d once knew. She was a woman and one who, unless he was imagining it, wanted him as badly as he wanted her.

The thought was enough to make his mouth go dry and his body respond even after a cold shower. The thought of what he would have liked to have done to her wouldn’t quite leave his mind.  He needed to get his head on straight.  

He reached for his cell, fumbling through his contacts until he called his eldest sister.

“Colin?” a voice answered.  “Is everything okay?”

He could hear his nieces playing in the background.

He was genuinely happy that Daphne had managed to find someone who doted on.  They’d always been extraordinarily close and knowing that she was cared for and had a great life was important to him. He often felt a bit jealous that he didn’t have the same things.  In a lot of ways, he didn’t know that he was deserving of them not that he could open up and share those kind of things.

“No,” he said after a long moment.

He heard an exasperated sigh and then the background softened. He could almost picture her moving away from her family to take the call and he was grateful for it. He needed his sister in that moment.

“I’m here to listen,” he heard Daphne tell him.

“I’m going to mess this up,” he confessed after a long moment of silence. He was grateful that she was giving him the space he needed to get it out.  He could talk to his brothers about most things but Daphne was far better at dealing with his emotions.

“Is this about Penelope?”  Daphne asked after a long moment.

If he was confused before he was exceedingly so now.  He knew Daphne wasn’t a mind-reader and she couldn’t possibly know about that yet. He hadn’t told her.

“Yes but how do you know it’s about Penelope,”  he asked confusion clear in his voice. He was starting to wonder if they’d left behind one of those baby cam things to spy on everyone the last time they’d been around. This was almost eerie.

“Because I’m your sister and I know these things,” she said after a moment. “Plus, Kate called me earlier after Anthony he spoke with Benedict who informed him that Eloise and Penelope were with you and apparently Eloise was quite worked up over something.”

He would have laughed if he wasn’t already quite worked up over the whole ordeal.

“What could she possibly be mad about?” he said shaking his head. “Nothing has happened.”

Okay, maybe something happened. There was definitely a little something that was happening on the horseback ride but he hadn’t acted on it.

“But you want it too,” Daphne said after a long moment.

He could almost hear her smug grin across the phone. As much as he wanted to argue it, he didn’t have the strength at this point. What would be the point in it anyways when he needed Daphne’s advice?

“Yes,” he confessed.

“Then stop being an idiot and do it,” Daphne told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  “If you keep waiting around, that’s when you’re going to mess things up.”

“But what if she doesn’t feel the same?” he asked.

“Oh you mean, like she magically forgets that she’s had the world’s biggest crush on you since the minute she realized boys weren’t gross?  Yeah, that’s totally going to happen Colin. You should be worried,” Daphne said shaking her head.

“Rude,” he uttered into the phone.

“Listen. Even if I wasn’t 99.9 % sure on this one I’d still tell you that you’re a catch and you deserve to be happy.  You’re smart, you’re well traveled and you do have a pretty great family. What’s not to love?”  Daphne told reassured.

“You forgot handsome and charming,” he corrected.

“Sure, those too,” Daphne said with a laugh.  “Now go out there and ruin Eloise’s summer.”

“Mission accepted,” Colin said with a laugh. “Thanks for the pep talk, Sis.”

“Anytime,” Daphne told him before disconnecting.

--

He made one other call before changing his clothes and going on a quest to find Eloise and Penelope. He sometimes forgot how big the place could really be, especially when he was in need of locating people.

He had a plan.  A plan that had required calling in a favor but a plan nevertheless and now he needed to put it into action.  Tricking Eloise into thinking it was all her idea was going to be the tricky part.  He knew that with a little ingenuity, he could get the job done.

He found them in the kitchen with a carton of ice cream and two spoons.  He came very close to going for a third but he had to stay on task. He could not be distracted by food.  Not even cherry amaretto could seduce him away from his intent.

“I’m going out tonight,” he said after a moment.

“On a date?” Eloise asked.  She sounded suspiciously hopeful about that.

Penelope meanwhile looked a little upset at the implication and he wasn’t going to let her think that any longer than he had to.  

“No,” he said putting an end to any suggestion definitively  before snatching Penelope’s spoon to get a bite for himself, savoring it before letting her have it back. Maybe the cherry amaretto did have control of him after all. “I have a friend who is going through a difficult time and I thought that I might cheer him up. I was hoping that you might be willing to help me.”

“What sort of hard time?” Eloise asked suspiciously.

He should have known she wouldn’t be that easy to get on board.

“His wife died a few months ago,” he told her. It wasn’t a lie.  That much was true.  He also didn’t feel any need to go into the details of the tragedy either.  “He doesn’t get out much because he has two small kids.  I thought maybe he would appreciate some adult conversation and company. Maybe get him to stop moping.”

“That’s so sad,” Penelope said earnestly, frowning into another bite of ice cream. “Was it an accident?” Colin wasn’t sure what was more seductive the ice cream itself or watching her mouth consume it. He had to remember he was trying to sell Eloise on this sad friend thing.

“… It was sudden,” he said choosing to not give details of a story that wasn’t his own to tell.

“Fine,” Eloise said after a long moment.  “But only because I don’t want your friend to go home more depressed than he probably already is.

Colin could barely suppress his smirk.

“Well then, dress for a night out and I’ll order us a ride,” he said simply, grabbing the carton of ice cream away from them and stealing the spoon again to take it with him as he exited. Operation Distract and Make a Move was a go.

[invisibledragon]

My weird work week

On Friday, my colleague handed her notice in.

On Monday, I was told that she was off sick, so my manager and I started battling a major workload.

On Tuesday, I was told that she had been signed off for a month. The trains were severely delayed, so I worked from home - still battling a major workload and also video calls from my manager to check that I was coping. The being told that my colleague leaving is nothing to do with me started here, and has continued. I don’t think they think I believe them, even though I very much do!

On Wednesday, I went into the office to find a very whispery other secretarial group and the news that M (who used to be on my team) was to be coming back temporarily over the Christmas period. She did not seem happy about this. The office manager collared me while the other girls were at lunch to check that I was OK and that if I needed anything, or any information, I was to let her know as I am one of their priorities at the moment. She left for the afternoon and the whispering in the other sec group got so loud that I could hear it - it sounded very much like M and J were fighting with HR over only one of them being promoted and thought they both should be. I was still battling a major workload and focusing was tricky because of all the mutterings.

On Thursday, I was working from home, and M rejoined us. My workload disappeared. In a weird coincidence, once she came over, the general workload also dropped (due to attorneys being on holiday) and I had less on anyway as part of a team of 3 again. I’m not kidding, it was so dead I started online Christmas shopping. I asked my manager twice for more work and was ignored. I was flummoxed. I was asked by the office manager for any concerns I might have, as she was going into a meeting with HR on Friday afternoon. I raised a few comments, which were addressed.

Today, my workload was reasonably steady, surprisingly, although this certainly dropped off towards the afternoon. I was moving along quite happily, although itching to be doing slightly more than I was, cause that’s how I roll when I’m given free rein to do everything, when I got a call at about 4pm from the office manager, informing me of the plan moving forward. The plan is for the M to become permanent in my team, with a promotion - technically to the same level as me, but the office manager made clear to me that I would still be the senior of that level and that there are different pay bands within that level. The plan is also for J (the girl of the same level as she is now in the other secretarial group) to be promoted, so as far as I can tell all of us apart from managers would technically be the same level. After all of this, a new lower-level person would be looked for to be a float and help wherever needed.

Having dropped all of this information, the office manager then said she would let me think about it over the weekend and asked that I send her my comments on Monday. My brain is just like whaaaaaa

Then M calls for help with something. And I help her out with it. And I see that we can have a good working relationship. So, I am optimistic that this is a good way to move forward. But um... what a fucking week. Even outside of all this there have been some weird patent and trademark related things going on. I’m just... what.

[backofthebookshelf]

Your Handy Guide to AO3 Searching and Filtering

In the spirit of YKINMKBYKIOK (aka let other people have fun and stop complaining that they exist, jeez), and also because I am a Nerd and will apparently do my actual literal job for free if it involves fandom in any way: How To Find Fics on AO3

There are two basic ways to go about this: searching and filtering. In this age of Google we're all kind of used to searching, but Google's search engine is...special, and also not really how a well-constructed database search works. There's a lot of reasons for this, many of which involve "the unstructured chaos that is the Internet at large" and "Google's secret algorithm which we will never understand," but tl;dr you've probably noticed that searching for a specific fic or type of fic on AO3 doesn't always return the results you expected. There are ways to make it work, but I vastly prefer filtering to find fics I want to read.

First off: I usually have something to start with, most of the time it's a fandom. There are a bunch of ways to find your starting tag; usually, to be honest, I'm bouncing off of a direct link to a fic. If you're starting from AO3's homepage, though, you can use the tag search - the plain search box in the upper right won't do it for you, usually. Hit the search tab, pick tag search, and search for canonical fandom tags. 99 times out of a hundred that'll get you your fandom.

Now if you're looking for a specific character or pairing you could browse the resulting page, the one that gives you all the child tags (those would be tags that only apply to this fandom, usually but not always characters) and relationship tags. If your fave is rarer, this is a good place to start. Otherwise, click that Works button up on the top right.

Now you've got the page you're probably used to: your fandom's tag, newest works at the top. If you like to start your fic-reading from AO3's homepage, there's a handy Favorite Tag button up in the top right; if you click that it'll show up on your homepage for you and you can always and easily check the newest fics. But if you're reading this you're probably looking to do something more complicated than just read whatever was posted most recently, right? This is where the magic Sort and Filter option comes in.

Let's start with Include.

This is where you'll get your basic preferences nailed down: how much adult content do you want to see? Do you have strong opinions about any of the official archive warnings? Do you want a ship, or gen, and if you want a ship do you want het or slash or femmeslash or lots of ships or whatever this fandom might have decided "other" means (usually it's tentacles)? Click the checkbox for whatever you want to include. EXCEPT. Keep in mind that the checkboxes work as an AND search, not an OR - that is, if you check both "M/M" and "F/F," you'll get only works that have both M/M and F/F pairings. Anything that’s just M/M won't show up, and vice versa. If you have multiple categories and you'd be okay with fics that match only one of those criteria, hold onto that thought for a while. (If, on the other hand, you only want fics with graphic violence and character death, this is where you'd go.)

Now you could just keep moving on, but I like to click Sort and Filter at this point, because the options it gives you in the next section are sorted by popularity, and sometimes you'll get more of the options you want when you set your base preferences. The screenshot on the left is the Fandoms, Characters, and Relationships filters with no other preferences set; the one on the right is with them set to Rating: Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply, and Multi. You'll see that some of those crossovers have dropped out, the characters have shuffled a bit, and several pairings are just gone.

From here, with these kind of numbers, I'd probably just pick one tag I'm interested in - do I want jonmartin fic, or Jon fic of any description, or oooh, hey, Sasha/Tim - select that checkbox, and go from there. But if you want something really specific, like only jonmartin fic in which Daisy appears, go for it. You don't have to change any of your earlier selections, just click those checkboxes and click Sort and Filter again.

Huh, that's genuinely more fics than I expected.

Now, if instead of having something specific you know you want, there's something specific you know you DON'T want, you have the next section: Exclude. This is relatively new, and it's magic. Don't wanna see Explicit fic? Banish it. Never want to read Major Character Death? Boom. Tired of Jon and only want fics where he doesn't appear? You can do that, too. These checkboxes do work on an OR search, which means you can check as many as you want, and if a fic matches any of the checkboxes you ticked, it won't show up in your search. If there's a pairing or a character you just cannot stand, you can exclude them, click Sort and Filter, and bookmark the resulting page. You'll see every new fic posted to the fandom tag except for the ones that include the thing you've already decided you don't want to see - you can just pretend it doesn't exist. It's wonderful.

There are some more neat options down at the bottom - got strong pro or con opinions about crossovers, or unfinished works? Got a few hours to kill and want something 10k+ to keep you busy? Hoping there's something written in your native language that isn't English? These options also exist, and they stack with the other filters as well, so you can filter only by crossover status or by rating and wordcount or by language and pairing, however you choose to combine them. (My favorite combo is Complete works only, wordcount from 10k (leave "to" blank if you don't need to set a higher limit), and exclude the fandom's most popular pairing. There's some good shit in that search in pretty much any fandom.)

Don't forget the sort! You don't have to see newest fics first; if you're still getting caught up on the canon, you can sort by oldest first and be careful never to read past the date you're caught up to. You can sort by word count to get the longest fics first or the shortest, by hits to see what people read the most, by kudos to see what the most people liked, by comments to see what gets the most interaction, by bookmarks to see...honestly I'm not sure what bookmarks indicate, but you can sort by them. Also by title and author, if you prefer an alphabetical organization for whatever reason.

Unfortunately there's not a good way to clear the filters, so if you change your mind about what you're looking for, you will have to go back and un-check the boxes you've selected before you do another search. Or you can just click on the fandom tag under the first fic in your results list; that will take you back to the main tag with no filters on it, which is what I usually do.

And there you have it: AO3's excellently curated filters, which allow you to curate your fandom experience. If that still isn't enough for you, there are some browser extensions you may want to look into (ao3 savior for tampermonkey; AO3rdr) that let you do even more customization, but those are tricky to use on mobile or if you're switching between multiple devices, so I prefer to rely mostly on AO3's built in tools.

If any of this isn't clear to you I am happy to answer questions! Note that I have nothing to do with AO3 personally other than having been a loyal user for 13+ years now, I'm just a librarian and a nerd for good organizational systems. And goddammit, AO3 is amazing.

[mattymattymerduck]

Fluff Alphabet with Matt Murdock 🥺 Pls

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Free time’s probably pretty lowkey with Matt, cuddling on the couch sipping coffee in the morning and playing little games like two truths and a lie. Which is pretty unfair because Matt can tell when you’re lying, but you always take the challenge to pull one on him. He also probably has a decent amount of board games (I know braille monopoly exists, you probably got it as a housewarming gift and spent the first night in his apartment trying to team up with Foggy to beat him, but at the last minute Foggy bankrupt both of you) and laugh at all your failed attempts to cheat. 

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Matt’s in love with your voice, but maybe more in love with the way you phrase things. He’ll be listening to you recount the plot of one of the shows you’ve been watching recently and smile hard just because the way you emphasis little parts and where you stop to breathe and the places were you slur the words together in a rush to get them out are adorable. He could listen to you talk all day.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

I think Matt would have a hard time knowing what to do, but he trusts that you know what you need in those situations. He’ll be there waiting for any request from you, whether you need a drink or a distraction, anything. He’d draw a bath for you or whip out a book and start reading to you, or he’d just sit there beside you until you put your head on his lap and he’d run his fingers through your hair and talk you through it. 

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Matt doesn’t like to think about the future much. He doesn’t want to let himself hope for too much and get disappointed if it doesn’t work out. But despite telling himself this there’s a little piece of him that really longs to get married and maybe put Daredevil away to live out a proper life with you. Maybe you guys would have a kid or two, but as long as he was making you happy it didn’t matter too much to him. I think he’d be a pretty big family man if he weren’t dedicated to vigilante-ism.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He’s passive. He has his moments of assertiveness, usually regarding the Daredevil and keeping you safe, but for the most part he’s happy just following your lead. 

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

You have a lot of different ways you fight, Matt’s more assertive than passive aggressive, but he’s also pretty cool-headed so I think when you argue it’s a lot of him being clearly tired of the topic and disappointed at what’s happening and that makes you even more angry and upset. Usually it takes a few hours of cooling off separately before one of you calls the other and you make up again. 

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

It depends on the day. Even though Matt’s super selfless he manages to let that image consume him and gets pretty self-involved over his work. So when he’s preoccupied with a case he doesn’t necessarily notice the coffee you leave on his desk for him, and when you’re out fighting crime he doesn’t think about you stocking up your first aid supplies or fixing up a meal for him in case he’s hungry when he gets back. But when he has a spare minute, cuddling you on a late morning or taking a bath with you at 4 am when he gets home all aching and bruised, he really appreciates you. 

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He has a habit of keeping things to himself because he feels like compartmentalizing his problems is easier for both of you, but he’s spent most of your relationship realizing that’s not sustainable. He’s not great at sharing, but he’s actively trying to be better at it.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Yes to both! Your relationship takes a lot of work from both of you because Matt’s so used to doing things on him own and you’re so hungry to help but it never feels like you can help enough. You’re both constantly learning how to make up for those shortcomings and being better at working together. 

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I don’t see Matt as a terribly jealous person. I think he puts a lot of trust in his s/o, and he has too much respect for them to get too touchy or possessive around others. I do think it’s possible his s/o tries to tease it out of him sometimes, in which case he’ll be pretty subtle but firm in showing who you’re with. (i.e. you’re at a party between a few law firms and he hears you talking to a guy who’s clearly flirting with you, he’ll wander over and join in, wrapping an arm around your waist or put his hand on your lower back and escort you to the bar when the conversation dips. It’s very possible that when you get home he kisses you extra hard to make sure you know he’s your best option though :) )

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Hell yeah he is. Your first kiss was outside Josie’s, you were both riding the high of winning a tricky case and a few celebratory beers. Matt had his hands on your waist to push you through the door into the refreshing night air, you kept complaining that it was too early to leave and you wanted to stay (all the while Josie’s literally shooing you off so she can lock up). When the door closed you turned around in his arms and grumbled about how it was too early to stop celebrating and he laughed.

“Don’t laugh! You don’t wanna stop either, right?” You pulled your hands up to rest on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat under your fingers. “You can’t lie to me like this,” You smiled, Matt wondered if you felt his heart skip a beat there. 

“No, I don’t want it to end yet.” His hands moved from your waist to your back, your fingers played with his tie, already half undone. 

“Then... what should we do next?” You tilted your head and Matt could feel your breath on his lips, felt your heartbeat speed up a bit and tug at his tie lightly. 

It’s a soft kiss, he moves in and your lips meet and you’re both thinking “this is exactly what I thought it would be like” - everything you thought it would be. His lips are soft and they taste like the foam of the beer you’d just been drinking, but his arms around you block out any chill that wind might give you and every time your lips separate they come back together more desperately, until your fingers are in his hair and he’s pulling your body flush against his and neither of you want to forget the way your lips tingled afterwards. 

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Matt wouldn’t make a big fuss about it. He’d be showing you how he felt in his actions long before he felt like he needed to say the words, but I think there’d just be a moment of silence between you two where nothing particularly special happens, and he’ll turn to you, find your hand to play with your fingers, maybe rest it over his heart so you knew he was being sincere, and say softly “I’m in love with you.” 

Or, you know, just super casually in the office when everyone’s around and he’s in a particularly good mood. You guys just finished deciding what to get for lunch and he’s leaving the room when he pops his head back in and says to you “oh yeah and I’ve been thinking, I’m in love with you.” and just dip. He’d get a big kick out of you, Foggy, and Karen just sitting there completely baffled. 

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

It’s like Matt’s secret fantasy to get married to you, a guilty pleasure. When he finally does it, there’s no way he’s doing it alone, so Foggy and Karen help him. Karen takes you to a jewelry store to figure out what ring Matt should get, under the guise that she’s trying to interview the shop owner or something, you fall for it. Foggy and Matt visit an old client of theirs, who has a small restaurant that you and him visit every so often. They convince the owner to get on board and decorate the whole place with flower petals and soft lighting, sets the stage for a guitarist who agrees to play your favourite sappy songs all night. Matt’s pretty traditional so he’ll do the whole romantic wine-and-dine thing before having the ring come with dessert, he’ll get on his knee and say that he’s known for a long time that he wants to spend his life with you, that he wants to promise you he’ll do whatever he can to make you happy. When you say yes he’ll jump up and sweep you off your feet in a hug. 

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

When you’re alone it’s sweetheart. He’s more of an old fashioned pet name kinda guy, babe and baby just sound weird coming from him. Sometimes you tease him into trying something different until you’re just goofing off and calling each other dumb names like “poptart” and “yogurt tube” and laugh your asses off when one of you casually uses it a month later. In public he’ll just use your name, or some shorter version of it. 

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It’s pretty clear if you know Matt, it’s not like he tries to hide it. But he’s not like, shouting it from the rooftops, it’s more in his body language than anything else. If you’re in the room he’s stand close to you, or smile more when you talk, be faster at checking his phone when it rings in case it’s you. Sometimes he’ll even lean his head on your shoulder, if you’re in the office late and he’s tired or stressed. Foggy’s caught him laughing at a little voice memo you left for him when you were on a trip out of town and hadn’t been able to talk to him much. One time he asked Karen to describe a picture of you that was on his phone (you two had been walking through a park when an old lady stopped and asked to take your picture because “you two are so precious together”), he had a big smile on his face the whole time, Karen thought it was adorable.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He’s modest. He’s not about to dip you and make out in front of people, and it’s not exactly professional to hold your hand in a courtroom, but if he’s in a place where he can then he’ll kiss your temple when he’s leaving or give you a quick peck on the lips. 

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Hmmmm okay well I know this is a fluffy list but ... because he can hear your heartbeat he’s really good in bed bc he can always figure out what you like best in the moment, just sayin.

Also because of that he can tell when you’re stressed and tired just from your voice on your phone, so if you call on your way to his place he’ll make sure he has some way of making you destress when you get home! Whether that’s your favourite meal or a bath or something else ;))) He’s on it.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Cliche, he’s so corny. If he’s gonna do some grand gesture he’s gonna do something traditionally grand, just like with his proposal. That being said, he doesn’t do those things very often. Usually it’s the little things he does that prove he loves you, but for things like anniversaries he’ll be super sappy.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Yes! It’s important to both of you to support each other,, and the whole point of a relationship is to help the other grow and achieve what they want, so anything you ask of him to help he’ll do as best he can. You both prioritize your own work though, so if he has too much on his plate between the firm and being Daredevil he’ll tell you. Even if that’s the case, he’ll find some way to make it up to you later. 

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

I think Matt’s a routine guy for the most part. He doesn’t have a lot of consistency in the other aspects of his life, I think he’s enjoy having something like that in his relationship. But, he’s not adverse to doing new things, and he’ll happily join you in whatever you want to do. 

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Matt’s easily distracted by other things in his life, so he might not be the most empathetic person off the bat, but he can also read you like a book. From your tone of voice, the way you walk into a room, even the way you’re breathing tells him everything he needs to know about what you’re feeling. 

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

It means a lot to him. He’d be willing to give up being Daredevil in the future, if you asked him to or if he felt like it was putting too much strain on the two of you. But even with that, it’s not going to be his top priority at all times. He cares about you more than anything but protecting people and taking down Hell’s Kitchen’s villains is integral to his self-worth, and until he feels like he’s done enough to let himself have that peaceful happy ending with you, he’s not gonna give it up; at least, he won’t be happy giving it up.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Around twice a month you use Matt’s kitchen to make a whole bunch of meal boxes for the homeless, it has more space than yours and you like the extra time you get with him while you cook. It’s one of Matt’s favourite things about you, how thoughtful you are, and that you’re doing something in your own way to help the people of Hell’s Kitchen. He also just loves listening to you ramble or hum while you cook, or when he gets to wrap his arms around you from behind and nuzzle his nose into your neck, maybe sway to a song you’re playing from your phone. 

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

When you’re alone together then totally, when he’s in a cuddle mood he’ll always have some form of contact, even if it’s just your knees pressed together. 

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He’ll cling to his phone and hope you’ll call him soon. Or he’ll call you, maybe wander over to your place. He also has some saved voice memos and voicemails you’ve left him in the past, he might replay them just to hear you. 

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Oh yeah, he’ll do just about anything to keep you safe and happy. If you’re threatened for some reason, he’ll find the person and deal with that on the same night. If you’re kidnapped or hurt he wouldn’t take a break until you were back in his arms again. And if you’re just generally sad he’ll do anything you ask of him to help you feel better. 

Send me a character and one/several letter(s)

[jaeminlore]

I Can’t Dream Alone | Renjun

series timeline | playlist 

summary: the sound of my lover, a feeling so strong

words: 6k+

category: siren!renjun, pirate!reader, fluff, angst, renjun said i shall call donghyuck squishy and he shall me my squishy, reader is kind of an asshole at first, so is renjun, a bit of one-sided renhyuck in there ngl, i did my best pls don’t be mean

warning(s): mentions of slavery/trafficking, reader is kind of a villain, so is renjun so there you go, attempted murder and vice versa, renjun is scary, this is an odd dynamic i do not think it is healthy at all so don’t go romanticizing it pls, donghyuck has given up and it breaks my heart 

author note: *buzz lightyear voice* red flags. red flags everywhere. i do not believe there is one (1) healthy relationship in this story

Renjun is thirteen hundred years old in siren years (that’s thirteen in human years) when the siren’s treasure is stolen. They are pearls from his mother’s tail; her most prized ones. Everyone knows that the amount of pearls on a siren’s tail coincide to the amount of respect one has in the siren’s hierarchy. Renjun’s mother has the most, as the queen of the four seas. 

After they were taken; torn from her tail, leaving her in agonizing pain, the grudge against humans began. Pirates, mostly, as they were the ones who took the pearls in the first place. 

Renjun learned how to use his voice for evil (perhaps good, whatever way you look at it.) 

There’s a song. There are vocalizations that draw humans into the unsafe waters. But it’s a tricky position, even for a siren, as the waves crash and careen against each other. As much as humans can die, sirens can too, and it soon becomes a full war over two small pearls.

Renjun, though just a young prince, is placed on the front lines. Not because he’s a good fighter, or has the guts to drag a man down to a watery grave. Rather, Renjun’s voice is the loudest, and it carries the farthest. So it’s Renjun who must stand (wade) at the frontlines and call the ships in.

Some sirens are killed. Others are taken captive. Then, a new ship never seen before arrives, and it manages to take out the remaining sirens, after braving the storm and taking on the sirens head on.

Renjun is the only one to escape, as far as he knows. He swims away from his home as fast as he can, hiding underwater in the seaweed and behind torrents. If any pirate sees him escaping, he’s dead meat. Siren’s gills filter too slowly for them to stay underwater all the time, so he does his best to stay beneath the surface until his gills reject it completely.

When he’s finally farther away, close to the Western Sea (Renjun can tell because it’s the muggiest sea, and the water is becoming a murky green), Renjun finds a small cave opening. The opening of the cave is underwater, but when Renjun swims in, he realizes that there’s a small air pocket for him to breath from. He floats atop the surface, willing his heavy tail not to sink him.

And then he cries out for his mother, for his kingdom, and for the home he has lost so quickly.

Renjun doesn’t want to be alone forever.

-

Renjun is seventeen hundred years old in siren years (that’s seventeen in human years) when he meets the human prince of the Eastern Kingdom. He knows this stranger is a prince because there’s a special brand in the junction of his neck. Slave merchants use the brands to keep track of their more important (valuable) slaves. He knows the prince is from the Eastern Kingdom because of his skin’s scent. It’s the same salty and clear scent of the Eastern Sea.

The boy has to be his age. He’s certainly close to death, his body limp over a random piece of driftwood. His entire face dips beneath the surface at one point, and Renjun notices the way the boy’s adam’s apple bops when he finds air again.

He’s swallowing the seawater. Humans can’t do that. Well, they aren’t supposed to. They’re supposed to drink fresh water and stay out of the sun. Otherwise their skin gets raw and it hurts and– and it looks just like the prince’s face.

Renjun briefly thinks about dragging the boy under. Just five minutes, and the boy will become the sea. Renjun can go about his day and not worry about this random prince he’s come across. 

Except... he looks fairly innocent. And the brand looks infected. His skin looks horrible, and Renjun knows he’s dehydrated.

So he goes against his nature and wraps his arms around the boy. 

He’ll find a more human-friendly cave. Then, perhaps some fresh water and food.

Renjun isn’t sure what he’s doing, he just knows that he doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

-

You’re seventeen years old when you get the siren’s treasure. The two pearls have been fashioned into cuff links. At first, you felt kind of bad, cheating the clueless couple out of a literal treasure. But it’s a legacy your father has been searching for for years, and you’ll be damned if you pass up the opportunity to make him proud.

It’s hard making the roughest pirate in the sea proud. Known as Mortem, or death, his name rings true.

You’re at the docks, fiddling with the cuff links in a struggle to get them off of the coat. Your father promised he’d be back after his own search for the treasure. 

Of course, it’s been nearly a year now, and you’ve been left on land. It’s not because your father doesn’t want to spend his time with you, you’re sure. It’s just that he knows that living on land (in one place) can help an adolescent’s growth.

That’s why he hasn’t visited you in years. You’re sure of it.

You finally get the cuff links off. You toss the coat aside and fasten the pearls into your waistcoat. If your father won’t come get you, you’ll have to find him.

Only you don’t, because you can hear two fishermen speaking in hushed tones about the politics over in the Eastern Kingdom. “The mourning period is over, so I assume they’ll crown the prince’s cousin some time this year.”

“Mourning?” You speak up, alerting the two men of your presence. “The Prince is dead?”

That can’t be. Last you remember, your father had sold the boy out to a couple of slave merchants off the Western port. Then you were dropped off here, and your father left in search of the treasure. There’s no way anyone found the prince, as no one really escapes the slave trades. It’s a secret society with all these corrupt ways of hiding people from ever seeing the light of day again. It’s sick, but it’s how your father makes money, and you like to pretend that it’s more merciful than killing people.

“Not the prince,” the fisherman says. “Ol’ Mortem. The nasty pirate that kidnapped the prince. With him gone, all leads are gone. The Eastern Kingdom still needs a reigning monarch, so the King and Queen can’t really afford the luxury of looking any longer.“

“M-Mortem?”

“Yeah. Finally died off.”

“Oh,” you whisper. That’s why your father hasn’t come to get you. 

He’ll never be coming to get you again.

“All for a treasure,” the other fisherman grunts. “‘Took the boy because his ring is made of three pearls. Figured it was the famous siren’s treasure.”

The pearls feel heavier in your waistcoat. Your heart feels heavy in your chest.

You want to ask how he died, where he died, and who died with him. You want to know if there’s anyone in the crew left, or if you’re all alone.

“The things people will do for some money,” the fisherman grunts in disgust. 

“Indeed,” you say, voice catching on the way out.

-

You are eighteen years old when you finally hear the siren’s call. You’ve been sailing for nearly a year, struggling to find the famed sirens everyone talks about. And just as you’re beginning to think they’re nothing but a myth, you hear it.

The voice is cold and shrill, soft and high, enchanting and terrifying all at the same time. It pulls you in before you can even comprehend the fogginess in your brain.

You sail your dingy little boat into the crashing waves. The wind howls, and the sky suddenly seems darker than it’s ever been. You can still hear the song, loud and clear. It seeps into your ears and drifts its way into your chest. You can feel it in your soul: feel the wordless song calling you into the unknown.

And there’s a cove. You didn’t see it before, but your vision clears just long enough to see it nestled against a small island. You steer your boat towards it, and in turn, towards the sirens song.

When you reach the edge, you jump into the water and creep towards the opening of the cave. If there’s a siren in here, they can give you the siren’s treasure, but they could also kill you mercilessly. You’re not exactly sure how to navigate the two options.

You see him before he sees you. His tail is an effervescent pink color. The end is curled into long ribbons, torn up by rocks and whatever else nature must throw at such a delicate surface. And down the back is a trail of pearls, all different sizes and shapes, similar to the ones in your waist coat. The pearls disappear with his tail, melding into pale, taunt skin. The junctions of his spine stick out of his skin, and you briefly ponder the healthy weight of a siren, and what their diet is like.

He’s on his stomach, gaze pointed away from you. With his chin in his hands, he gazes out the other side of the opening. Maybe he hasn’t noticed you yet.

But the he slaps his tail against the water, and the sound reverberates across the cave. You shriek in fear.

“You’re not very subtle,” he says.

Then he turns to you. Seeing his face for the first time sort of makes you wish you could freeze time. Surely it’s the spell of the siren, and not the fact that his eyes are small and clear. Hues of brown and black seem to swirl together in his eyes, and you are memorized up until the moment he blinks. Because then he smiles, and you realize that his teeth seem quite sharp and dangerous.

You are still in uncharted territory. 

“I’m Y/n,” you say. The shallow water of the cave sloshes against your worn boats, soaking your tights underneath. “I have something for you.”

His lips curl into a frown. “I don’t accept things from humans.”

“I have–“ You pull the pearls out of your waistband and hand them to the siren. “I have the siren’s treasure.”

The siren scowls at the pearls in your grip. Then, without warning, he snatches them out of your hand and disappears beneath the shallow surface. You watch the colors of his tail fade as he swims deeper into the water. “Wait!” You run into the water, floundering at the awkwardness of the it not being deep enough. “I need that treasure!”

When the siren doesn’t surface, you groan. “Fine, you want to play the hard way?” You take a deep breath and hold it. 

Then, you dive into the deeper part of the pool.

-

You struggle to keep your eyes open as you navigate your way into the murky water.  Finally, you notice a flash of pink to your left, so you trail behind it.

The siren unknowingly leads you towards another break in the surface. You gasp for air as soon as you can, struggling to find strength. Your lungs burn and your eyes sting, but you believe it’s worth it when you see what this siren is hiding.

Prince Donghyuck.

It’s him, albeit roughed up and looking worse for wear. But he’s alive, and he’s curled up in the corner of the cave, warming himself up to what small fire he could conjure up in the muggy cave. He’s shivering, but there’s a blanket around his shoulders. Granted, it’s crusted with sea salt, but you assume at this point, it’s better than nothing. 

“Prince Donghyuck,” you finally breathe, forgetting the siren’s presence.

The prince lifts his head immediately. Then, when his eyes find yours, he chokes back a sour cry. “It’s you. You’re the one who lured me out of the castle. You said you were a messenger.” His voice cracks at the end, and you can sense the pain. The lost innocence.

You’ve never actually seen what happens to the people your father captures. But now it’s being presented to you in a harsh light, and you have to face the fact that you put him here. “I’m- I’m sorry-“

“Save it,” the prince croaks. “It doesn’t matter if you are. He won’t let me leave.”

You turn back to the siren. He’s circling you beneath the water, and the only reason you know that is because his pearl-crested tail flips angrily, splashing water into your face. You wade nervously. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” Donghyuck whines in a way that says he’s all too familiar with this circumstance. “People have found me, and he kills them. If I try to escape, he pulls me back in, and I’m too weak to fight him. I can’t get home.”

He breaks at that. His shoulders slump forward and he leans against the damp cave wall. “It’s hopeless.”

“Wait,” you say. “If he has killed everyone else...”

Just as you realize what is about to happen, the siren slaps the fin of his tail against the back of your head. You fall into the water, head aching. There’s a burning urge behind your eyes to just close them and fall into a peaceful slumber beneath the sea.

However, you’re still owed a treasure. 

Just as the siren circles around, baring his teeth like he’s going to eat you, you pull your dagger out of its hidden place in your boot and point it towards the siren.

He freezes, eyeing the blade. Then he hisses at it, teeth bared. The hiss pierces through your head, even though you’re underwater. It’s shrill and high, more of a shriek than anything, and you’re sure that this is one of those kill-or-be-killed situations.

So you jab the blade in front of you, and slash at the siren when he wraps his tail around you. He squeezes, and it feels like you’ll never breathe again. You stab his tail over and over against until he finally releases, batting you away like a mere gnat. 

Still, he’s strong, so you slam against the rocky wall. You can practically feel your ribs break.

You reach the surface and choke on your own intake of air. “Help,” you beg the prince, meeting his tear-filled eyes. “He’ll listen to you, right? He likes you?”

You’re dragged under again. The siren’s nails rake down your chest, piercing your already cracked rips. You want to shout, but the lack of oxygen is making you far too lightheaded to think anymore.

You close your eyes, waiting for the inevitable end. 

But it doesn’t come.

Instead, you hear a voice shout a name. “Renjun!”

And the siren lets go, leaving you to weakly try to make it back to the surface.

You feel arms around you, and you let the lack of oxygen make you believe that you are being saved.

-

Renjun knows bloodlust. He knows the deep carnal urge to kill whoever approaches him. He knows that as soon as you get the chance, you’re going to kill him, so he has to kill you first.

He can only trust Donghyuck. He saved Donghyuck. He took care of him. He practically brought him back from the dead. The only reason Renjun isn’t dying from loneliness is because Donghyuck keeps him company.

In a way, they keep each other alive.

Donghyuck always begs him not to kill; begs him to let the misfortunes humans go. Renjun always tunes him out, because if someone lives, they take Donghyuck home. If Donghyuck is home, Renjun is left alone.

He refuses to be alone.

But Donghyuck has never had the strength to pull someone out of the water before. He’s never tried.

Yet now here he is, hunched over the new human, helping them drink water from canteen.

It’s freshwater that Renjun stole from the mainland. That’s another thing. Renjun has been risking his life trailing up mainland rivers to steal water and food off of smaller fishing boats. 

This is how Donghyuck repays him? Rescuing a nothing of a pirate?

Renjun scowls as he peaks up through the surface. He’s baring his teeth, though the two humans can’t see.

Donghyuck is talking softly to the human, in a way he has never spoken to Renjun. He speaks to Renjun like he’s afraid. But that’s impossible. He can’t be afraid of the person who saved him.

Renjun scowls and sinks back beneath the water. 

The pirate wants the treasure. There is no treasure, as far as Renjun knows. It’s just a myth made up by pirates. And karma sure does come back to bite, because now this pirate has risked their life for nothing. They won’t get any treasure, and they won’t get out of here alive.

-

“I have to get you out of here,” you whisper.

It’s nighttime, and water drips into the cave lake like the ominous ticking of a clock. The siren (“Renjun”, the prince calls him) hasn’t been around since he tried to kill you. As long as you stay away from the water, you’re fine, so Prince Donghyuck wraps you in his sea-crusted blanket and huddles you close to the cave wall. “Why?” He licks his dry lips. “So you can sell me out to your father again? Maybe another slave merchant?”

“My father is dead.”

Donghyuck purses his lips. “Can’t say I’m upset.”

“Didn’t ask you to be,” You snap. “Now do you want to make it out of this cave alive? Or are we going to continue bickering when there’s a siren with superhuman strength keep us from leaving?”

“He’s attached to me,” Donghyuck whispers. “You might can escape, if you’re sneaky, but he has eyes on me. He won’t let me go.”

The prince looks weak. So weak compared to the moment you and your father captured him. You remember a spitfire of a boy; someone who fought with every ounce of resolve he had. You remember his tanned skin and his lean muscle. And now, he’s covered in scars and bruises, and there’s barely any meat on his bones. He’s weak; voice quiet when it used to be so loud.

He’s not even giving himself a chance. He’s accepted himself here. 

“You’re getting out before I do,” you say. “It was a mistake to take you.”

“Found out that I didn’t have the treasure after all?” Donghyuck snaps, “The one I told you I didn’t know anything about?”

“Yes, that one,” you admit. “Apparently there is no treasure, because I returned it to the siren—“

“Renjun,” Donghyuck provides.

“Renjun. I returned it to him and he gave me nothing in return.”

“That’s what you get for being greedy,” Donghyuck murmures.

“I can get you home,” you say. “We just have to trick the siren.”

“He’s lonely,” Donghyuck says. “Sometimes, if I stay awake long enough, he tells me stories. How there once was an entire fleet of sirens. And now, he’s the last one. He just wants some company.”

You stare at the siren as he circles the lake. The pearls on his tail reflect the light of the moon as it streams through the cracks of the cave wall. “He’ll get some company. It just won’t be with you.”

-

You are eighteen years old and you sell your soul to the devil. Okay, not the devil, but a terrifying siren with sharp teeth. You figure out quickly that he doesn’t want the prince here specifically, he just wants someone here. He wants someone to fill the holes where silence seeps in.

So you communicate to Renjun that you’ll stay with him. “You have to let Donghyuck go.”

“He’s my friend,” Renjun says. His eyes have softened after a few days of getting used to your presence. “He can’t leave.”

“He has a family,” you say. “They miss him.”

“Families die.” Renjun slaps his tail against the side of the lake. “I want him here. With me.”

“I’ll stay here with you instead,” you bargain.

Renjun cocks his head to the side in confusion. He pulls his upper body out of the water and lies on his stomach. He props his chin atop his hands and blinks up at you.

You reckon that he’s kind of pretty when he isn’t trying to kill you. 

“I saved him.” He says, glaring at you. “He’s mine.”

“He isn’t yours,” you balk. “You can’t own someone.”

“Tell that to the merchants you traded me to,” Donghyuck says from the back, his glare matching Renjun’s.

“I’m trying to make it right!” You try to defend yourself. “Listen, Renjun, If you let Donghyuck go, I’ll stay here with you, okay? For as long as you want.”

“Forever,” Renjun says.

“See?” Donghyuck sighs. “It’s impossible.”

“I’ll stay,” you say. Perhaps Donghyuck thinks you are brave for sacrificing your life for his. Perhaps he thinks you are some type of martyr. 

But truth be told, you’re planning on killing the siren as soon as you can. Then you’ll sell his pearls, and start a new life for yourself. Perhaps in the Western Kingdom. You haven’t decided yet.

Renjun allows Donghyuck to leave. He even carries him to the closest shore: the Western port. 

And when he comes back, he hisses at you, and warns you to leave him alone.

“Gladly,” you mutter, shivering in the dark.

-

Renjun misses Donghyuck. And he knows he shouldn’t love a human enough to miss them, but Donghyuck was never mean. He never fought back and never raised his voice.

And Renjun doesn’t like you. You’re brash and rude and you fought back when Renjun tried to kill you. He doesn’t trust you at all, and the only real reason he let Donghyuck go is because he knew how much the boy wanted to leave.

You? You could starve to death for all Renjun cares. He won’t be helping you with anything. No food, no water, no hints on how to keep warm in the dampness of the cave. Renjun would rather kill you than live in the same vicinity. “I don’t want you here,” he says rather bluntly.

“Then let me go,” you retort. You’ve been pacing back and forth for the past hour, rubbing your hands up and down your arms to keep warm. You lean down and dip your boat in the water, just to splash the siren.

Renjun scowls at you, water droplets falling down his eyelashes. “I can’t.”

“Why?” You taunt, and a Renjun finds that your voice is quite annoying when it echoes off of the cave walls. “You’ll be oh so lonely?”

Renjun swims around until the end of his tail is facing you. He lifts it up, then slaps it down as harshly as he can. The water splashes all over you, causing you to shriek in anger.

Renjun laughs. “Ha!”

You kick more water at him. “You better keep your guard up, siren boy.”

Renjun knows it’s intended fully as a threat, and you are most likely planning his death right now. Still, he can’t help but stick his tongue out at you almost playfully. It’s been a long time since Donghyuck ever splashed at him, and Renjun likes the way you keep at it, as if it’s a little game for the two of you.

That night, you sleep as far from the water’s edge as you can. Renjun keeps his eyes above water, waiting for you to fall asleep, so that he can too.

“I know you’re watching me,” you say, keeping your eyes toward the moonbeams above you. “It’s weird and creepy, so stop.”

“I’m keeping guard,” Renjun lifts his mouth above of the water to speak. “So... too bad.”

“What? You think I’ll try to escape? I made a promise, didn’t I?”

“Pirates have been known to break promises,” Renjun states. 

“Fair,” you say. You fold your arms behind your head and look at the siren. “My ribs are still burning, you know. Why did you try so hard to kill me?”

Renjun shrugs. He can feel goosebumps rise across his bony shoulders when they’re lifted out of the water. “Everyone who comes here wants to take Donghyuck.”

“Why did you let him go then? If you care so much about him?”

“He told me to stop. I don’t have another reason.”

“You like Donghyuck that much?”

“He’s all I have.” Renjun clears his throat and stares down at the murky water. “Had.“

“I suppose this is where I’m supposed to say I’m sorry,” you conclude. “But he’s a prince, and he belongs back on the mainland, with his family and friends.”

“/I’m/ his friend,” Renjun says. “I took care of him.”

“Against his will!” You shout at him, slapping your palms against the damp rocks. “You can’t be a friend to someone you’re holding captive.”

“How else do I make them stay?” Renjun can feel his voice – alone with his resolve – breaking. “How do I make sure they won’t leave me?”

You give him an unreadable look. The scrutiny in your eyebrows is certainly readable, but the questionability is in the way your eyes seem saddened. “I’m going to sleep,” you say. “But there’s a saying on the mainland. If you love something, set it free, and if it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, then it was never yours in the first place.”

Before Renjun can reply, you turn your back on him.

-

Renjun brings you an apple.

It’s amazing really, because your ribs hurt like hell, and the rocky floor of the cave does nothing to support that. You would try swimming, to loosen up the ache in your muscles, but you’re still a bit skeptical of what Renjun might do.

He brings you an apple.

You eat it as slowly as you can, struggling to savor the taste that you know will disappear just as quickly as it came. Still, you can’t help but feel a burst of gratefulness in your heart.

Then, anger. He’s still holding you captive. It’s not like he’s doing you a favor by bringing you one (count ‘em. one.) apple.

“I’m going to set you free.” Renjun says as soon as you finish the red fruit.

“Very funny, siren boy,” you toss the apple core at his head, and Renjun bares his teeth at you. 

“I mean it,” he growls. “I thought about what you said, and you’re right. I should set you free and see if you come back. Just like I did to Donghyuck.”

“Only because I made you.”

“Do you want to leave or not?” Renjun growls, annoyed at the way you seem to nitpick his every move. “Go ahead and get going. The storm is only going to get worse.”

You make it to the Western Port in one piece, though your lungs are burning, and your ribs are on fire. You collapse onto the deck and close your eyes, hoping for some kind of relief to the pain.

Then. “Oi? Another human washed up on shore?”

“Just like the prince.”

“You reckon they know the prince?”

“Why don’t you ask them?”

“I think they’re dead.”

You’re lifted off, carried to someplace you hope has dry blankets. “I’m not dead,” you whisper. 

You can only hope they hear.

-

News of Donghyuck’s return is all anyone can talk about. You hear the newsboy call out the news from outside of the apothecary. There is a minimum of four different remedies in your bag, for everything from bruised ribs to a nasty cough (which you got thanks to the dampness of the cave.)

According to the newspapers, Donghyuck is still being treated, and he won’t be attending any royal duties any time soon. He won’t even be transported out of the Western Kingdom until King Kun gives him the go ahead.

He also hasn’t outed you as the person who kidnapped him, so that’s a plus. You know it’s only a matter of time, though, so you do your best to keep close to the docks. You never know when you might have to make a quick escape. 

You rent a shack just off the Western Sea. It’s so close to the shore that the morning tide creeps in under the front door. You got it for an extremely good price, however, so you try not to complain about formalities.

You boil a pot of broth over a fire pit in front of the shack. It’ll be soaked in the morning, and you’ll have to find more kindling and wood to make your breakfast in the morning. However, it keeps you good company tonight, as the moon draws the tide further and further away.

You hear him before you see him. It’s that same song, haunting in the dark of the night. It’s a call. It’s desperate, it’s lonely, and it’s right on the docks.

And if any merchant finds Renjun near the docks, he’s going to wish you had killed him when you had the chance.

You rush to the docks, following the voice. “Renjun!” You call. “Renjun! It’s me!”

You stand at the edge of the dock in silence, waiting for any sign that Renjun can hear you. 

The water is still. The surface is unmoving. Not a single ripple. And then, you see it in your peripheral vision. 

Renjun’s head peaks out of the water. “Where’s Donghyuck?”

“Hello to you, too,” you scoff. 

Renjun swims closer to you, so you lower yourself into a criss-cross position. You jerk your thumb towards the forest behind you. “He’s in the castle getting treated for all the ailments you bestowed upon him.”

“Can you tell him that I’m sorry?” Renjun blinks up at you. Once again his eyes look childlike and innocent, like he isn’t some murderous entity of the sea. 

“I’m not going anywhere near him,” you resign. “He’ll tell them that I’m the one who kidnapped him in the first place. They’ll have me hung! And when they find out that you kept him this long, they’ll sell your tail to make shoes.”

Renjun bares his teeth towards the big, empty forest. “I don’t like humans.”

You grimace. “Well I don’t like demon fish who try to kill me and refuse to get me my treasure, so I guess we’re both out of luck.”

Renjun pouts. He sinks straight down into the water. 

You think that’s that, but then he rides up again. “I’m not a demon fish,” he grumbles. 

“A treacherous water-dweller,” you amend.

Then Renjun smiles – sharp teeth and all – and you think it’s rather beautiful. Not in a siren way. It’s not bewitching or entrancing. Rather, it’s boyish. It’s like Renjun is a human villager, smiling at you because you’ve made a joke. Nothing more. Nothing less.

You like it. “Come back soon and keep me company,” you say. “Just don’t sing. It’ll call other people in. Just hang out by that shack over there when the tide is high.”

Renjun nods. “Maybe I will.”

-

Renjun likes it when you leave fish for him. It started the second night he visited, and after that, Renjun has always had a small pile of fish waiting for him on the beach.

“I feel like I’m training a hunting dog,” you bemoan. You’re wading in the water with him, and Renjun thinks it’s amazing that you haven’t tried to kill him yet. Instead, you’re lugging around the fish that Renjun manages to catch, keeping them safe to cook up for dinner tonight.

“Is that an insult?” Renjun slaps his tail against the water, splashing you before you can even reply. 

“Listen, you devil-bred dolphin-“ you start, diving for Renjun’s tail.

Renjun has an obvious advantage in the water, but you do your best to keep up as he darts away, trailing a jet dream of bubbles in his wake.

By the time you catch up, Renjun is lounging on a rock. His bare  torso is stretched out in the sun, and he seems to be asleep. 

You swim over to his face and study the way his eyelashes flutter against the tops of his cheeks. 

Renjun opens his eyes then. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you whisper. “I lost the fish trying to keep up with you.”

“That’s okay,” Renjun amends. He closes his eyes again. “It was your dinner, anyway.”

You splash at him, giggling lowly when he frowns at the water now dripping down his face. “Take that, you fiend!”

“Oh, you’re gonna get it,” Renjun says. He flips over and falls into the water less-than-gracefully. Then, he swims up to you and wraps his arms around your torso. 

You shriek as he lifts you high and unceremoniously tosses you into the water. “I hate you,” you say, shoving Renjun’s chest when he advances towards you again.

“I hate you back,” Renjun says, no bite in his words.

You wade closer to him and press your palms flat against his chest. “You’re despicable.”

Renjun wraps his arms around you. “You’re a tyrant. I should’ve killed you when I had the chance.”

You kiss him. He laughs against your lips, a melody you’ve never heard before. You chase his lips, trying to capture the sound forever in your mind. 

You think about Renjun loving Donghyuck, and about you not really loving anyone. You think about the fact that Renjun kept coming back to you, even when he knew Donghyuck wouldn’t be there.

You wonder how the two of you are connected, and if sirens can even feel things the way humans can.

Renjun strokes a hand down your hair, wetting it more. “You’re thinking,” he says. He doesn’t tell you to stop. He just acknowledges it.

“You don’t love me.”

“I know,” Renjun says. “You don’t love me, either.”

You kiss him harder, and his sharp teeth brush against the flesh of your bottom lip, making you jump back in shock. Then, soft, closed-mouthed kisses. Renjun presses his lips against your wet skin, soaking in the sun and the sea and the scent of your skin. 

The sharp sound of a bugle interrupts the two of you. It comes from the castle, and from what you’ve read, the sound of the bugle means that Donghyuck is being sent home today.

Renjun must know too, because he visibly deflates. He drops his forehead onto your shoulder. “I’m never going to see him again.”

“Probably not,” you say. “It’s for the best.”

“Yeah,” Renjun whispers. “If they don’t come back, they were never yours in the first place.”

“That’s right.” You say. “He wasn’t anyone’s but the Eastern Kingdom’s.”

“Do you think someone is waiting for him there?” Renjun looks longingly towards the mainland.

You wonder what’s going through his head. You wonder how much he truly cares for the young prince. “I hope so.”

Renjun sighs. “Me too. Really.”

-

You are nineteen years old, and Renjun is eighteen hundred years old (still eighteen in human years) when Donghyuck calls for the two of you to visit him down in the Eastern harbor.

When he asks for help in dismantling the slave merchant’s system, you dive in. Donghyuck grants you both clemency across the four seas, and you recall as much information as you can remember your father revealing to you.

Though everything is in code, with Renjun’s help, it doesn’t take long to figure out that the codes are short for more unknown geographical regions in the seas.

Donghyuck sends his first fleet out, with Renjun swimming alongside and you manning the helm.

You make your first proper raid where you release people rather than capture them, and Renjun finds a few stray sirens trapped in tanks.

Renjun meets the person Donghyuck loves, and he doesn’t bare his teeth at them the way you thought he might would. He’s kind with them, as he is kind to Donghyuck, and you think they both have healed from the pain.

Renjun lives with his fellow sirens nowadays. He’s a lot more comfortable cohabitating with other fish-creatures. You live on the Eastern harbor, with other sailers. They have the same spirits pirates do, but they don’t take people captive, and they don’t take what isn’t theirs.

You’ll have to get used to it, but it feels like a positive improvement.

Sometimes Renjun brings you seashells. Other times he splashes you with his tail.

You’re both moving on from Donghyuck in your own ways, but you’re thankful that in the end, you can come back to each other. 

[dearlazerbunny]

Lie to Me (Ch. 14 of 28)

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M eventually (aiming for a slow burn here); warnings for kidnapping and subsequent anxiety/PTSD (will be marked before every chapter)

Words: 2,700

Summary: If you had to guess what the captured, traitor, trickster god Loki Laufeyson wanted or needed at this moment, a babysitter would be far, far down on the list. (Set after the events of Avengers 1.)

SHOUTOUT TO @molmcb and @jessiejunebug, who are now happily living in my closet amongst my cosplays and stuffed animals

Requested Tags: @deraniel​, @iamverity,  @yasnooshka24, @wegingerangelica, @themusingsofmany, @dark-night-sky-99, @tarynkauai, @stuffandstuff-stuff, @angelicshinigami, @my-current-fandom-is, @geekysimmerthings

Another vague email, another secret meeting. Par for the course you suppose. You brace yourself to walk into another room full of superheroes, but thankfully when you push open the door there’s just two relatively standard-stock agents in black suits, albeit with incredibly stony faces. The man gestures for you to sit, and you do so at the head of the table, so the pair are flanking you on either side.

“Hello.” You set your stuff down. “Can I help you?”

The female on your right, wearing her hair in a severe bun, raises a perfectly groomed eyebrow at you. “Do you know why you’re here, agent?”

“No, you guys didn’t exactly put it in the subject line,” you joke, but are met with nothing but glares. Yikes. Tough crowd. “Am I… did I do something?”

“Not precisely.” The man sitting on your left hand side pulls out a few unassuming folders and sets them across from you. “My name is Sitwell. We recently received a few… interesting reports, from Agent Barton.”

Oh, crap. This can’t be good. “I see. What about?”

“How long have you been assigned to Loki, Y/N?”

“Um-” you count back the months in your mind. “It’s been a while. Eight months? Nine?”

“And what would you say your relationship to the prisoner is?”

You can’t help but wince a little at how he says the word prisoner. “Friendly, I guess. I mean, you talk to someone every day for almost a year, you get used to them, I suppose.”

The man- Sitwell- nods. “Agent Barton expressed similar sentiments. While it appears your assignment has been going smoothly, there have been concerns regarding your  ability to maintain… neutrality.”

You bristle. “What does that mean?”

He slides a folder towards you, flipping it open. “You were in D.C. for the Incident, correct?” You nod. “I’d like for you to take a look at some photos.”

The first photo, in horrifically excellent quality, is a skyscraper crumpled to ruin, its steel bones twisted and mangled into a fatal position. The street before it is upended, with concrete shattered everywhere.

You know what these pictures are from. You’ve seen the news. The city workers pushing rubble from one place to the next. The memorial reels commemorating the funerals of those caught in the crossfire that day.

Despite trying to brace yourself, your stomach twists at the images of carnage marring New York’s proudest city. You aren’t heartless, you can imagine the anxiety that permeates the alleyways. Once, it was the city that never sleeps. Then someone finally put its lights out.

“If you’ll flip to the last photo, please.” A picture of an incredibly unassuming man greets you. Receding hairline, watery blue eyes, same professional yet nondescript suit everyone wears around SHIELD. You squint at the headshot. His tie has a subtle design on it- do they really make neckties with Captain America’s shield on it?

Apparently you asked that last question out loud, because Sitwell gives you what you assume is the closest you’ll get to a smile from him. “They do, though I believe he had this one specially made.” He sobers. “Did you know Phil Coulson, agent?”

Oh. So this is the agent everyone’s had on the tip of their tongue. Apparently he was a legend around here- Fury’s right-hand man, both the Black Widow and Hawkeye’s handler, not to mention all the fantastical rumors of his own exploits. It’s something of an initiation process, scaring the interns with stories of how he battled his way out of a secret underground HYDRA base and escaped the Amazon with nothing but a Dasani water bottle and a popsicle stick. “No. I mean, I know of him. Everyone does. But he was gone before I transferred.”

Sitwell nods. “Phil Coulson was a very special man. Unfailing loyalty, a sharp eye, and a knack for keeping us all out of trouble.” He pauses. “He was one of my best friends.” You’d known that even before he had told you, just based on the admiration and grief in the agent’s voice. “He was also one of the most personal tragedies to result from the Manhattan Crisis.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.” He nods elegantly, graciously. “There are, of course, dozens of other agents who ended up in the crossfire. Not to mention the civilian count.”

“Why are you showing me this?” You ask tiredly, even though you already know the answer.

“We thought it prudent to remind you who we have in that cell, and why.” The folder is closed; the pictures of a devastated city fade back into history. “Loki Laufeyson is not your friend, agent Y/L/N, nor is he someone to be reformed, rehabilitated, or empathized with.” His words are crisp and incredibly cold; hailstones biting at your cheeks in December. “He is an inter-dimensional war criminal with hundreds of innocent lives hanging over his head. He is a murderer, a manipulator, and a liar. He speared Coulson through the chest and left him to bleed out on the floor. Do not forget that,” he adds gently.

You open your mouth to say- something. To defend him, or yourself, or both. But nothing comes. Sitwell and his friend rise from their seats and tuck cream folders neatly under their arms. “Thank you for your time, agent.” When the door closes behind them, you’re still sitting blankly, imagining Phil Coulson staring blankly at you with just a hint of a smile in his blue eyes.

                                                            XXX

“Copper for your thoughts, darling?”

You smile wearily at Loki, head propped on your hand. “It’d be a waste of a penny; I’m not thinking anything in particular.”

“Mmm, I do not believe so. It’d be nothing compared to your attention. But beyond that, something is clearly wrong.” He gestures to you, at your shoulders that are clearly slumped and your fingers twisting anxiously. “Tell me about it?”

You sigh and force yourself to stop fidgeting. “I was called into a meeting. It wasn’t very fun.”

He hums noncommittally, clearly waiting for you to elaborate.

Everything in you hesitates. You don’t want to go there. You really don’t. In the beginning, you told yourself you wouldn’t because it wasn’t your job; later, it didn’t really seem to matter. But if you’re being honest, it’s been digging at the back of your brain for a while now. Every so often you’d be laughing with him and then suddenly stop and think to yourself, this is the man who tried to take over the world. Loki is a tricky, temperamental bastard with a lot of issues, but world domination always seemed a bit… much? You can’t reconcile the carnage downtown with the man sitting across from you. And yet…

“Promise you won’t get mad?”

Loki tilts his head, worried. “I suppose. Is everything alright?”

“… why’d you do it?”

He doesn’t ask what you’re referring to.

For a minute the both of you just look at each other. Your gaze isn’t accusatory, it isn’t angry or demanding- simply confused, and a little sad. Loki, similarity, doesn’t react with heat or deflection or any of his hundreds of other tools of the trade. He looks sad, too, and considers you with a heaviness that’s tangible all the way across the room. “You don’t have to say anything. I just-” you drop head in your hands, as though it’s suddenly too much to hold it up. “If I’m being honest, I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around it for a long time. And then they showed me these pictures, and I guess an agent you, um… stabbed… and it- doesn’t make sense.” You can see your own reflection mirrored over Loki in the glass, just slightly superimposing your features on his own. “I like to think that I know you. I want to think that I know you. But everyone keeps trying to convince me that you’re not the person I think I know.”

You shake your head and laugh a little at yourself with a weary tone. “I’m sorry. I’m probably not making any sense.”

“You always speak intelligently, Witling. I admire you for that.” He laces his hands in front of him, as he does when he wants to keep himself still. “It is… complicated. And incredibly ugly.” He glances at you. “I would not wish to burden you with the story.”

“I’ve got nothing but time.” You smile a little at him, though it’s tinged with melancholy. “And I think we’ve established I’ve got a decent perspective on ugly stories.”

You feel his green eyes on you- such a familiar feeling, even though now it makes you shift anxiously in your seat. “I suppose you deserve to know. You are one of the few who have shown me any grace for my actions.” In a graceful movement, he criss-crosses his long legs in front of him, and lets his elbows rest on his knees. “You know of the events in New Mexico?”

“More or less.”

“It was, in essence, a desperate scheme to win the affections of my father. To prove my worthiness in the eyes of someone who had never seen me as such.” Loki is excellent at hiding his feelings when he wants to, but by now you can see through all the façades he throws up to protect himself. “I had discovered my heritage in… less than ideal circumstances. I believed Thor’s downfall was my chance to claim everything I’d ever yearned for, only to realize those dreams were never possible to begin with. My anger was- immense.” Something in his voice cracks. “I was mourning so many different lives. My childhood, my Aesir form, my father’s son and an heir to Asgard. Everything I had ever known was simply an illusion waiting to be shattered.” He grimaces. “I did not handle it well.”

You don’t think your chest has ever hurt this much. “I don’t think anyone would, Loki. You can’t blame yourself for feeling angry.”

“What has anger every gained us,” he says softly, as though he’s quoting some wise scholar.

You don’t know what to say to that.

“I pleaded with my father over the broken Bifrost,” he says, “asking him if he could ever truly love me the way any child craves. And he denied me that simple need once and for all.”

“Loki-”

He shakes his head. “Thor was holding me aloft over the abyss. He would have pulled me to safety, I am sure of it. But instead- I let go.”

In your entire life, you don’t think you’ve ever heard anyone sound so broken as he does in this moment. It makes you physically ache, and you want to take his grief and shoulder it yourself so he might have a spare moment of peace; let your thumb rub away the lines etched in his face until they smooth into something happier.

“When Thanos found me, I did not have the strength or heart to resist.”

Your eyebrows furrow. “Who is-”

“Don’t,” Loki warns. “Please. He is…” he mumbles a few things under his breath, but in languages you can’t understand. “He is a titan that has risen from the depths intent on his own ideas of perfection. His cruelty is outshone only by his ambition.” You can’t hold back a small noise of dismay when you notice his fingers are trembling. “I could not have fallen into his power at a more opportune time.”

“I will not claim to be wholly innocent. I am not. When he offered me dominion over Thor’s beloved Earth, I did not stay my hand from the weapon he gave me. But only after I received it did I realize his true intentions.” He takes a shaky breath, and presses his spine to the wall behind him, like he needs the support. “Casualties the likes of which you could not imagine. Violence, brutally meted without hesitation. The entire galaxy balanced in the palm of his hand. I tried to run- but I was weak, and now he had a grip on my very being.” The smile he gives is mirthless, haunted. “I am not easily broken. But they did so… effortlessly.”

By now you’ve drawn your knees up to your chest and wrapped your arms around them, curling in on yourself as tight as you can manage. It’s like the room has dropped in temperature, slowly freezing your blood from the inside out. “What did…” you trail off, your voice thin enough to crack the most fragile sheet of ice. “Do I want to know?”

“I would not tell you even if you did.” You roughly wipe away a tear with the heel of your hand. “But the heat was immeasurable, and the scars were thoroughly and deliberately gifted.”

You wince reflexively. “How do you torture a frost giant,” you murmur, trying to push all kinds of horrific images out of your mind.

He nods briefly. “Precisely. All the while the infinity stone was working its power. I can resist thrall more than most, but not completely.”

“You mentioned an infinity stone before.”

“The mind stone is one of them. It is housed in the scepter Thanos gave me; the one I brought to Midgard during the invasion.”

Pieces are coming together one by one, into a warped and twisted sort of understanding. “That scepter- you used it to brainwash Barton, and everyone else.”

“Yes.”

“And it was also… controlling you?”

“Not so completely. I could resist in certain moments.”

“No, but- Loki.” You sit forward, trying to understand what he’s telling you. “It was controlling you. You were being controlled. Just like Barton. Just like all the others.”

“One could say.”

“Loki! This means- it means it wasn’t your fault!” You’re a strange mix of hopefulness, wrath, depression, and enlightenment. “Does SHIELD know this? Do the Avengers?”

“No,” he says fiercely, and he pins you with that gaze of his. “And you will not tell them.”

That stops you short. “Why-?”

“Because I am guilty no matter the circumstances, darling.” His voice is gentle, like he’s trying to let you down easy. “I did not refuse Thanos’ offer.”

“You had just fallen through space and time after your entire identity was stolen from you,” you retort. “Even if the latter hadn’t happened, would you have physically been able to resist after your fall? Enough to escape?”

“I- do not know.”

“Loki.” You sit back and rub your eyes. “This changes everything.”

“It doesn’t.”

“It does! If Barton isn’t being held responsible for what he did when he wasn’t in control of his body then you sure as hell shouldn’t be!”

“Witling-”

“When Fury knows he’ll have to-”

“He will not know! And you-” he looks at you firmly, “will not tell him. Anyone. Promise me, Witling.”

“But why? Loki, you could clear your name-”

“He is the most dangerous thing in the galaxy,” he hisses, “and he will be coming back.” When your eyes widen, Loki closes his own and takes a deep breath to steady himself. “I fear it more than Ragnarok,” he says simply. “I would not bring any more destruction to this world than I already have. At least for now.”

You’re ready to argue, ready to fight with him tooth and nail until he realizes just how not at fault he actually is for this whole catastrophe- but you can’t bring yourself to do it. Not when he’s shivering and vulnerable and minutes away from tipping into a headspace you know would be hell to drag him out of.

“Okay.” He looks at you. “I- I don’t agree with it. But I trust you. I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

“Thank you.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Thank you for telling me.”

Loki nods, his face exhausted and drawn. “In here, I would trust you before I trust myself.”

[mirror-apple]

LFRP - K’ohli Tia - Balmung / Crystal DC

The Basics ––– –

Age: 26

Birthday:  21st Sun of the 3rd Umbral Moon

Race:  Miqo'te // Seeker + Keeper parents.

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Homosexual

Marital Status: Single

Server: Balmung (Crystal DC)

Physical Appearance ––– –

Hair: Auburn, choppy, has two lil’ braids off to the side

Eyes: Odd | Left is gold, Right is blue

Height: 5′5′’

Build: Toned, something of a swimmer’s build but A X E  A R M S

Distinguishing Marks: Has a much longer, fluffier tail than expected!

Common Accessories: Beads and feathers are commonly used to tie off the braids he keeps in his hair; he thinks they’re fun.

Personal ––– –

Profession: Botanist/Adventurer

Hobbies: Guitar/singing alone, sewing, naps, traveling

Languages: Common

Residence: Limsa Lominsa

Birthplace: Somewhere in Thanalan

Religion: Common belief in the Twelve, but not actively religious.

Patron Deity: Oschon

Fears: Forgetting, losing loved ones, heights

Personality: Certified Soft Friend™️, protective, a bit anxious but still living life. He tries his best. Tired all the time, though.

Relationships ––– -

Spouse: None

Children: None

Parents: K’tonn Tia (???) and Miveh Mikjao (45, Living)

Siblings: None that he knows of.

Other Relatives: Cousins in the shroud from the Mikjao family. Estranged.

Pets: None, but he feeds animals all the time and loves them.

Traits ––– -

* Bold your character’s answer.

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between /  Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Additional information ––– –

Smoking Habit: No. Drugs: No. Alcohol: Yes.

Possible Hooks ––– –

Botanist from Birth - He's a very passionate botanist, and knows his way around much of Eorzea. If you need a specific plant, herb, or tree found then he's more than likely someone you'd want to look out for. He also often has lots of extra fruit both fresh and dried on him as well, which could lead to an animal companion being interested in a snack, or even a downtrodden Eorzean.

Turned Adventurer - K'ohli couldn't help but feel he could do more, hearing about heroics during the liberation of Doma and Ala Mhigo. He was never incapable of being an adventurer and did have a habit of helping others even while focused on botany, so it was truly only a matter of time before the drive to help others led him. He'd be happy to tag along.

Healer - That being said, he's more focused on healing than actually fighting. He's wonderful at it due to his roots, and if an adventurer he stumbles across happens to be injured he'd be the first to rush to their aid.

Beach Bum - He's got an apartment in the Mist, he's a frequent visitor to the beaches just down the path. He adores dozing in the sunshine and going swimming, and would be happy to have friends join him.

Frequent Napper - He can fall asleep pretty much anywhere, and it's certainly led to people stumbling upon a pretty solid snoozefest before. Don't worry, he doesn't mind being woken up!

What I’m Looking For ––– –

Friends/Associates - Friends, acquaintances, and also maybe some jobs? He does like having extra income. Food is nice to have.

Long-Term! - I love long-term partners! I don’t mind one-off scenes or short-term things either, but I’d love to really have a story for K’ohli!

Honestly anything, feel free to toss me ideas!

OOC and Roleplaying Preferences ––– –

Very chill

Will send you memes

Mostly a one-on-one or small group RPer, but big events are fun!

No smut without any kind of connection pls.

Even for totally innocent slice of life fluffy stuff I need partners to be 18+.

Happy to RP in-game or via Discord.

K’ohli is my main so you’ll see him LOTS. (if u want)

If you wanna romance him... Admittedly, romance is a bit of a tricky subject for K’ohli and probably unlikely, and it’s entirely because he’s afraid of fucking up again. Even if he tosses a few flirty comments here and there. It’ll take time and effort and all that good stuff. Still, don’t get your hopes up and for the love of god don’t try and speed-run a romance with this man. Not to mention he’s still very hung up on someone and feels bad.

Contact Information  ––– –

Discord - Peep#4197

In Game - K’ohli Tia

Tumblr - @mirror-apple​

Annnnd for visibility - @balmungrp​ @crystalxivrp​