#it's so hard to describe this battle bc every post i make about it becomes outdated because i keep realizing other things

[raisedbydirew0lves]

welp i realized they made eye contact with mason during that scene as if it wasn't scary enough already :D

[andro-dino]

Tankanosuke and Sakyo, dealers choice on the reblogged ship questions (or you could do them aLL) >>>:3333

ehe answering this too bc I love them. I would do them all if I could but alas, I’d be here all day if I did, so I narrowed it down to four

6. Do they have any pet names/nicknames for eachother?

The entire world shifted on its axis the first time Sakyo called takanosuke “Taka” out of nowhere. He was trying to be causal about it but Takanosuke exploded. He usually only calls Takanosuke this privately every once in a while because the only time he ever did it in front of other people, they also went insane about it and have never let him live it down since. I think also he would proudly refer to takanosuke as his synchrome partner a lot and within the context of shogun steel I think that counts as a pet name too.

On Takanosuke’s end, he doesn’t really use many for Sakyo actually, though I like to think that he draws out Sakyo’s name a lot when he says it so maybe that in of itself could be considered a pet name. He also strikes me as the type to say “buddy” or “my guy” with romantic connotation

14. How would they describe one another if asked?

“Sakyo is super strong and cool! I admire him a lot! He inspires me to keep working hard and to become an even better blader. He can be kinda scary at first, but he’s really nice once you get to know him. He’s really intense, but I think it’s just because he’s really passionate about what he cares about. His drive and passion is something I really respect about him. He can also be pretty funny too, though I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose. You know actually this one time–!” [this continues for 45 minutes]

“Takanosuke? Well, he’s very passionate, for starters. He’s got more energy than you could possibly imagine he mostly puts it to good use. He’s a very strong blader and he works very hard and relentlessly to constantly improve and train even more, and I think that’s very respectable. I wouldn’t have chosen to become his synchrome partner if I thought any less. He’s very crafty and resourceful in battle. You wouldn’t know it just by looking at him, but he’s exceptionally skilled at analyzing his opponent and strategizing on the spot. He also cares deeply not only about beyblade, but his friends and what he stands by too. He’s too social for his own good in my opinion, but he’s also got a sharp tongue that moves faster than his brain sometimes, so he can make enemies just as easily as he can make friends. I’ve become the latter though, so I guess that serves as a testament to his persistence despite that.”

20. What are they like when sharing a bed?

I actually wrote a fic about this recently lol. I haven’t posted it publicly yet, but I probably will eventually. Anyways, takanosuke I think is a very heavy sleeper and he is definitely a sleep cuddler, so he’s totally koala bear-ing Sakyo all the time. And he’s got a strong grip too so Sakyo’s got no choice but to cuddle back, though he does it a lot more gently than Takanosuke does. Sakyo also wakes up before Takanosuke and in that time when Takanosuke’s still asleep, he just stares at him for a long while. He likes to study and take in every little detail of his face, especially when he’s so still in comparison to when he’s awake. (realistically I think takanosuke would also probably be a kicker but I’m choosing to omit that in favor of domestic fluff <3)

25. Pick a physical attribute that they love about each other.

I hc takanosuke with freckles all over his body, so for Sakyo, it’s definitely that. He likes to try count them or connect them to make little shapes and stuff (this was also brought up the in aforementioned unpublished fic ahsgsgs)

For Takanosuke, he’s a big fan of Sakyo’s hands. Big hands, bigger than Takanosuke’s, strong hands, graceful dancer hands juxtaposed by sharp claw nails. Good hands for holding a launcher. Good hands for holding Takanosuke’s own. He enjoys em.

[fagcrisis]

yeah it's definitely weird. i do suspect it might be a young person thing (just for the record i am also young and probably prone to this type of thinking just about. different things) because by the time someone who is hard left hits like 5-10 years of actual activism they tend to have learned to pick their battles and see the similarities between things more clearly. it always struck me as weird to single wrestling out particularly because while it's a rotten industry every single field it evolved out of or merged with also has equivalent (if not identical) problems. it's not a unique perversion of capitalism it's just a variation on spectator sports and spectacle theatre those things are. ancient.

ultimately also it feels silly to be passionately opposed to it as a form of entertainment while ok with other things especially considering that pro wrestling has been on a decline in popularity since the 90s and that in many ways it's not the primary representation of the "opiate of the masses"-type entertainment anymore. even in places where it's popular there are typically still more primary exports of mass entertainment. and in the rest of the world it's even less of a big deal.

in my eyes it's a combo of having a very specific superficial image (that, due to the aforementioned describe in popularity, is what most people are familiar with) and ALSO being a performance of combat sport. so it becomes a representation of the scourge of capitalism and the ways in which it reduces the proletarians into base subjects or whatever while not actually being at all different from the majority of sports, entertainment and art. i honestly prefer "wrestling is fake and lame" as a critique.

anyway 1) sorry for the rant 2) davis phone background is awesome i like that guy he is straight up big and has a moustache . also i hope your headache passes ddt is good

nah dont worry about it i love it when people engage w what i post 💗 its why i have this blog. anyway yeah i agree its honestly just the image wrestling presents. its kind of silly and doesnt really matter and i do agree that its a young person thing bc for example my grandma who has been an activist since before my mum was born has enjoyed wrestling when it was on tv after the fall of the soviet union so like, its all fine i think. its also about this whole thing of consumption activism where what you buy and watch decides your morals and i guess you cant just justify disliking wrestling becasue its fake and lame so you have to make it an enemy of communism or whatever. its fine to just dislike things honestly sometimes you dont enjoy or understand something and thats fine, i dont get why people are into chess its patently insane to me and yet ive never accused anyone of being an anticommunist cia agent for knowing who magnus carlsen is or whatever

also thank you my headache did get a bit better im watching that ddt show that went up on universe today and im having fun!

[sprinklesandshatters]

A Review on NCT 127′s 3rd Album <Sticker>

So NCT 127 just came back with their 3rd Full Album <Sticker> and this is my first 127 comeback since I became a fan last year! Neozone is such a special album for me as it was their first album that I explored entirely. I've known NCT as the group who never fails any expectations so I've kept mine up although I know they'll exceed it anyway. And guess what, they did! I absolutely love their new album hence this review~

This isn't a technical music review—as I am not a musician myself—but rather a listener's honest takes, goofy notes, and interpretation on each of the tracks in the album. I admit I've also struggled to build my own opinions on some of the tracks until I listened to them over and over again.

I have also heard there are mixed opinions on the title track <Sticker> and a lot says it's another acquired taste. But I think it's not just that, as it can be a grower, just like how most of NCT's songs were for me. Maybe after a few listens and a right passage of time, it will grow on those people. The bottom line here is, I like it a lot! 😛

So I listed down the songs according to their respective track numbers and followed each with a bulleted list of my opinions and interpretations.

(Viewer/reader discretion: before you continue, minors, do not interact as there are few 18+ contents under the cut. Thank you.)

1. Sticker

THEY DIDN'T JUST PUNCH A NEW NOTCH ON THE BELT LIKE THAT

THIS SONG SLAPS, LITERALLY SLAPS… AND WHIPS 

The recorder at the intro boyyyy I thought something was wrong but then I remember it’s NCT lmao

It already stuck in my head from my first listen from the Instagram audio.

With Taeyong opening the verse with his divine rapping, I knew I'm in for a new ride.

STICK-UH STICK-UGH STICK-UGHGHGH

To those complaining it sounding like noise music, imagine it sounding generic. I don't think it would fit as the title track. Not a b-track or in their repertoire, even. They are called NCT because they define the NEO in the music culture and music technology!

It honestly was an unorthodox, just like all of their title tracks, which I’m inherently here for.

Literally, no one does it like them!

The growls and the vocal flexes and adlibs! (You can tell it has Yoo Youngjin's brand.)

The crisp metronome sound that’s consistently ticking except for the pre-chorus and the dance break adds depth to the soundscape. I love how it’s used instead of the usual snaps.

The production quality blew my mind. Like how can someone think those melodies would sound so exquisite? CAN I CALL THEM GENIUS?

The piano at the back, oh my God—Yes! It adds this mystifying element to the song.

I'm not sure if it's a midi violin at the pre-chorus, but it added thrill to the song. It was a great transition from the bass line in the verses to the combination of the flawless harmony with the same instrumental.

"You treat me like a boy, like a grown-up child chasing a dream" JUNGWOO BABY NO MORE HUH

Taeil, Doyoung, and Haechan—the bridge vocal trinity!

But why the heck are they cowboys? I dig the concept, but why? LMAO

BTW GUNSLINGER MARK I’M ON MY KNEES YEEHAW

This is easily one of my favorite tracks from NCT 127's entire discography 💚

2. Lemonade

(⌐■_■)

Jaehyun starting off this song with his deep voice eee

The song opens to a verse oozing with chill confidence. They're like, yeah you're lurking because we’re cool.

This is such a huge slap to their haters. NCT's not chillin' like a villain, nah they're the main characters!

Well maybe they’re villains, but still ya not cooler than them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Funny enough how they could have just referred haters as simply lemons whose sour/bitter to the taste, but 127 squad's success is sweeter than all the haters' spiteful remarks so yeah, SIPPY SIPPY LEMONADE 🧃

"WOOF"

I might have just barked too wOW

Yuta’s vocals hooooO his voice just sounds so glamorous mhmm

Also Mark referencing their previous title tracks such as: Firetruck, Cherry Bomb, and Regular (it's Irregular in the lyrics) in his rap part 👌💅

I just love Mark's energy when he raps. HE RESOLUTELY BITES AND STRAIGHT UP EATS EVERY TIME HE DOES.

3. Breakfast

Now breakfast time, oh jeez!

AAAHAHFU—

Summer 127's bestie!

If Summer 127 talks about dancing all night long, Breakfast is the morning after.

You know what it is.

"Even if I gulp and drink you, it's not enough for me." oho Taeyong no you ha—STOP

Sexual innuendos aside, isn't it just sweet if someone tells you they'd want to have breakfast with you every day?  Okay maybe I'm melting at the thought 😩🙈💞

And I can see myself dancing to this song as I make breakfast (in the afternoon or at midnight bc I’m crazy)

This was an okay b-track for me at the first skim on the album, but boy it grew on me wildly.

Honestly one of my favorite tracks in this album.

4. Focus

Did I just invade a private call? LMAO

The analog voice filters make it like so.

Dude, this feels intimate in the level of eavesdropping a phone call between seasoned lovers. Then you realize you hear them whispering their kinks over the line and you're ooh, that's sexy! hfgklhfhf

My first listen to this, I almost went feral because,

"I can't wait to eat you…" when it's actually "I can't wait 'til we chill…" aahaha

"Baby call me when you want me." OKAY!

This sounds relaxing and chill. I'd love to play this on a late night drive or just before bed time along with Fly Away With Me, Sun & Moon, My Youth, and Long Flight.

Belongs to ‘make out session’ playlist  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

That was lowkey a playlist recommendation, huh?

I'd be kidding if I don't say I could touch myself while listening to this song AHAHAFGHFJFJ

I didn't know this would grow on me this much lol I love love LOVE THIS!

5. The Rainy Night

Ooh, the holy melancholy!

Piano at the intro—I knew I'd cry to this.

This song isn't just about break-up, but the heartbreak after one.

The yearning; the remnant pieces from the shattering of what was once there.

I think I crumbled from this one.

This hit so hard I felt like I fit in the shoes with the lyrics throughout the entire song.

What’s fascinating is I clearly forgot the title when I mentally said this sounds like a sad rainy day song from the first listen.

Something I’d turn up when it suddenly rains, just because I want to feel the blues.

Taeil and Haechan singing in lower register? I wanna cry :( they’re just one of the best vocalists in K-music industry right now.

Could have been also nice if they added Yuta to the vocals.

"My selfish heart who waits for you to come back," OKAY WHO HURT THEM?

And the fact that they sang it so good that it translated every ounce of the emotions well even before I looked up for English translations is the reason why I love this song too.

6. Far

Hmm… What the hell?! Do I like this? Wait...

Alright!

The jumpy vibe from the first verse to the pre-chorus set the mood for this song. It sounds merry and heavy. It was honestly too much to take until I’ve reached the chorus part.

Honestly, I think this song could fit NCT Dream better, as it gives off a vibe similar to Hello Future's b-tracks. If some credible source say this could have made HF’s track list, I might believe you too fast.

Also Dream’s Deja Vu where they go na nananananana na na na~

Playful yet confident! That’s what I mean!

As usual, the vocals are insane! Vocal flex from left to right!

I swear Jungwoo sounded a bit like Taemin at the second verse that I had to replay it hahaha

I love hearing Johnny as a vocalist! SM, how many signs do you need until you utilize his vocal talent???

Taeil's part where he sings, "go nuts, go nuts, 'til we go bust, go bust" IDEK BUT I SNORTED A LAUGH AT FIRST LISTEN HFCAHKFHK

Not my favorite, but still great though!

But wait it’s actually stuck in my head???

7. Bring The Noize

Yes, they never beat those noise music allegations

HERE'S SOME NOIZE, BITCHES

I love me some noisy percussions. AND THE BASS YO

This screams so much confidence!

The build up from the pre-chorus to the chorus—FIRE!

This song reminds me a lot of SuperM's Super Car, especially with the engine roar samples and the battle cry-like singing at the chorus.

JAEHYUN RAPPING? You mean Jaehyun the visual, the vocalist, the actor, the model, the funny dude, aka my everything?! (markie bb look pls look away for a moment)

THEY DELIVERED IT STRAIGHT FROM NEOCITY THAT'S SOME NCT MUSIC RIGHT THERE NO ONE DOES IT LIKE THEM

When I said I'd play Focus on a late night drive, and if I add this in the playlist, VROOM VROOM SPEED LIMIT WHAT

OUTTA MY WAY

“We got no shame” ouh TAEYONG’S FLOW IS JUST VERY HIM AND HE’S IN A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN

You know what's so clever about this song? It's how it ended with Mark's final rap without any instrumental, leaving you  standing there with a doppler effect-like post experience.

A super car on a super speed just whooshed past you and you look its way as it zips through the road. It's gone in an instant but you're floored dumbfounded at a sidewalk. That's how I describe this song.

8. Magic Carpet Ride

This song… Wow. Oh gosh it's so beautiful.

Their harmony in the chorus—it makes me want to kiss someone so passionately that I'd cry.

This makes me want to feel love that transcends the universe. Literally, just please take me on a magic carpet ride :(

The background harmonies too oh my goodness—HEAVENLY.

Jaehyun's voice is so warm and soulful it fits perfectly with songs of this genre.

Okay alright Doyoung Grande!

And Taeil makes me feel like I'm listening to old school R&B.

The first time I heard this from the track video, I can't stop replaying because it's just that great.

This makes me want to love. I think that sums it up.

9. Road Trip

This is such a soothing song for me, especially how I easily become nostalgic thinking about the road trips I've had.

Whenever I listen to this, my brain immediately conjures up thoughts of my ideal getaways. Gazing at the sky through the car window, stirring up from a nap in the middle of the ride, and   eventually reaching your destination.

Oh, to travel around anywhere... (curse you covid-19)

Okay that's it. I'M PACKING UP.

But where do I go—

I could also imagine Mark playing this on the guitar and the other members sing along together, something like that.

Just Wholesome™ vibes.

I love how it evokes such a nice emotion within me effortlessly.

This isn't my favorite, but I still love this.

10. Dreamer

Eyyyy such a refreshing song!

This song is so bright it makes me want to dance. I play this first in the shower!

It reminds me so much of Elevator (from Neozone)

The horns make it more lively I think!

Yuta and Jungwoo's voice suits lively songs like this.

The background vocal in low register in Taeyong's part in the first verse is so good ahhfhf

Taeil, the R&B vocal king you are...

There's this part where Doyoung and Johnny harmonized, that at first listen they seemed to clash, but it sounded actually fine after a few listens. Maybe it's just that I've never heard them do it before.

And I think it's Doyoung's laugh at the end of the bridge? Oh my goodness I really love this too!

11. Promise You

MY FIRST LOVE AND MOST FAVORITE SONG IN THE ALBUM!!!

The first time I heard this from their NCIT Sharehouse Sitcom, I fell in love with the song already.

It sounds like something you'd feel from a warm, welcoming hug.

The lyrics are so beautiful and endearing. It's definitely a be-there-for-you type of song that will touch your heart.

It definitely sounds like a promise.

A song about platonic intimacy.

This really fits to be the closing song of the album. It's like the end of it but holds a promise that says “see you soon.”

Because they cherish their fans like that.

It's also like I've watched a movie with a happy ending, where the camera pans up to the clear sky and this song starts playing.

Speaking of ending, I would love to hear them sing this as an encore stage in their concert. You know, that moment just before the stage lights die down at the end of the concert where they send final blows of flying kisses to NCTzens. Then you come home smiling and crying.

This wasn't supposed to be this long since I originally planned to write this with just simple phrases and emojis but I got too engrossed lol. I also meant to include my own ratings but I figured it’s pointless since I can’t really decide about them hahaha

I really enjoyed the whole album and I love how they're progressively defining what NEO means by breaking through standards. It's not NCT music if it doesn't make you say "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" But then you realize it’s stuck in your head and you’re enjoying it already.

✨ OVERALL RATING: 127/10 💚

if you’ve reached until here, thank you for letting me share you a braincell or two 💞

[autistic--cryptid]

INFODUMP ABOUT UNDERTALE TO ME RIGHT NOW :O /POS

(about Anything At All idc if its rambly bullet points or anything pls im begging u this is lichrally my special interest cmon pleaseee /lh)

OKOK I WILL!!! /pos

cant put this under the cut on mobile so here’s your warning that this will b a very long post!!

random chara hearcanons + ramblings bc CHARA MY BELOVED!!!

i might be projecting but i hc that chara has depression and ptsd! we know they hated people bc of what asriel says during the epilogue, “I know why Chara climbed the mountain. It wasn't for a very happy reason. Frisk. I'll be honest with you. Chara hated humanity.” and i think they hate humanity so much bc of some trauma other people caused. chara is angry and upset, and probably starts to hate humanity more once they learn about all of the pain humans have caused monsters. they aren’t evil or mean, they’re traumatized and hate people because they’ve been hurt so many times

i like to think that chara is so close with asriel in part bc he was one of the first people they felt like they could fully trust. asriel was with them through everything, saved them, gave them a home, etc. i think chara loved him so much in part bc asriel was there for them when everyone else had hurt them

i think chara erases the world at the end of the genocide run because of frisk’s actions in that run and not bc they themselves are cruel. chara is smart, they know that a frisk who would kill all monsters would likely be interested in destroying things alongside chara. the way i see it, chara is angry. they had to watch frisk kill their friends and family, the monsters who took them in and protected them after they had been hurt so bad by humans. chara watched them hurt asriel after he cried and begged for them not to hurt him. they watched frisk reset over and over at every save point, trying to hard to kill everyone and everything and not stopping even when they themselves are struck down. and they don’t have a body anymore so they couldn’t do anything to stop it. genocide run frisk shows what chara hates in humanity: mercilessness and cruelity for the sake of cruelity. they want to get revenge on frisk and stop them from hurting alphys and the monsters who hid and escaped. they want to stop frisk from hurting people beyond the barrier. chara constantly says “just finish the job” throughout the run because they’re exhausted and can’t stand watching frisk hurt these monsters anymore, they just want everything to end. the reason they only come out at the end is fear, in part, and the fact that watching asriel be killed despite his cries and begs was the last thing they could take. when they say “it’s me, chara!” in the mirror in toriel’s home rather than “it’s you” i like to think it’s for a similar reason that sans says “pretend to be a human” to frisk, and for the same reason that some theorize he would make fake blood at the end of the battle with him. chara wants frisk to see another person, hoping maybe they’ll find some goodness and humanity. just like some theorize that sans would use ketchup as fake blood to make frisk see that they’re hurting people like themselves as well, chara wants frisk to see that frisk is human to remind them of any good humanity they might have. they aren’t evil and they aren’t seeing themselves in frisk’s actions, they’re trying to stop frisk from hurting everyone and trying to get revenge on frisk for the pain they’ve caused. the reason why you get a photo with chara and everyone’s faces crossed out or a chara nightmare when you finish a pacifist run after a genocide run is chara reminding frisk of the pain they caused and showing them that the atrocities they committed aren’t something they can just erase and move on from. chara just wants monsters to be happy and to be ok and they hate that once again a human has taken that happiness away from monsters, but they know a reset won’t stop frisk because they will just start over, so if they erase the world and take frisk’s soul for frisk to get it back they can hope that without that soul and determination frisk can’t reset anymore and thus no more genocide run, even though that ultimately isn’t the case. chara just wants to help monsters and they’re angry at her another human for hurting them

asriel says in the epilogue that chara wanted to hurt the humans in the village when they attacked asriel and them, but once again it’s not bc chara is evil or violent, it’s bc they were traumatized by humans and and this is like a fight response to those triggers, and also bc they wanted to protect asriel!!!

chara’s plan to collect 7 human souls as talked about in the tape was for the good of monsters, not so they could hurt humans. they wanted monsters to go free and to live a normal life with their monster family. when they say “our plan had failed, hadn’t it?” in the genocide run they’re referring to their goal of freeing and saving monsters, not like, killing the people that asriel wouldn’t fight. chara wanted to save monsters and to break the barrier, they didn’t want their soul to fuse with asriel because they knew that meant their soul couldn’t be one of the 7 to free monsters. when frisk killed the monsters in the genocide route it meant that monsters weren’t free or safe, their plan with asriel to free monsters from the underground and save them from the prison humans put them in had failed because once again a human had taken everything from them

on a lighter note, pacifist run chara narrates and translates for frisk! chara and frisk likely come from the same village seeing as they’re both able to just go up the mountain and see what’s there, so they probably know the same form of sign language. frisk is mute and signs things to chara, who translates over the phone for them. they also describe everything around frisk since they’ve lived there before and know what everything is while frisk doesn’t know. when they don’t know what to say, they describe stuff! they probably aren’t sure what to make of the mettaton fight since they’ve never seen mettaton ex before, so they say “smells like mettaton”. they don’t know about the amalgamates so they say “smells like sweet lemons” during your fight with lemon bread

the mummy wrappings in the red soul coffin were for chara. asriel removed them from their coffin and carried them off to the village before those supplies could’ve been used. when he brought chara back in after they were attacked, toriel took them out to the flower bed in the ruins where they initially landed to give them a propel burial, and then chose to live in the ruins specifically to take care of chara. chara is buried under the flowers right at the start of the ruins which is why asriel refuses to leave in the epilogue and says “someone has to take care of these flowers.” it’s also in part why toriel is so sad and lonely, being in the ruins and visiting her child daily makes her remember the pain she felt losing chara and asriel and it makes her extra worried about losing frisk and the other humans. through visiting chara like this, both asriel and toriel can see them and talk to them even though they’re mostly gone

asriel and chara were the ones who left those echo flower messages about wishes. chara was the one who laughed and said “it’s just funny, that’s my wish too”

just like kris, chara also had little red horns. chara didn’t like that they were human since they hated humans, but loved monsters and wished they were one. asriel made them little paper horns to be more monster-like, and eventually toriel sewed them an pair and put it on a headband so they could stay on their head

not really a headcanon or theory, just a note. there’s lots of similarities between kris and chara: red eyes, knives, portrayed as “strange”, likes to scare other people (kris hiding under noelle’s bed and putting ketchup on their arms to scare her, and chara doing their creepy face to asriel in the tape—they likely did it before cause asriel had to have known what it was so there’s nothing saying they only do it when asked by asriel), a bit secluded and like to be alone (toriel is no longer upset with kris when she finds out they didn’t answer her calls bc they were with a friend, chara is only ever shown or talked about in relation to asriel or their parents), both kind of get rid of their soul in some way (kris removes their soul and chara like died to give their soul to the monsters), both have similar outfits (although kris looks more like frisk in their face and hair), very close to their asriel, both like monsters, both have mostly obscured eyes until the ending of the game, etc.

chara can only verbally talk to frisk, but they can talk through the phone, similar to how asriel spoke to frisk on the phone at the end of the true lab even though he didn’t have his soul back then and was still a flower, and similar to how you can understand the memory head amalgamate when you use your phone. frisk is one of the few people who can hear their voice irl

chara can verbally talk with mettaton, mew mew, and nabstablook since they were all once ghosts/are ghosts. mettaton sometimes helps chara to speak and to appear to crowds bc they can use his microphones to speak since that’s technology and chara can use his advice to show their own incorporeal form more clearly. chara and nabstablook get along very well as shy ghosts who are best friends with their family

chara and frisk become best friends in pacifist runs :3 frisk returns the the underground sometimes to talk to asriel and lets chara speak to him while they visit through their phone, and eventually chara convinces asriel to come back with them and to live with them again (yes i know this isn’t possible in canon shhhhhhh)

chara is autistic and has adhd. they also have chronic pain and use a cane as a result of their chronic pain and bc of a long lasting injury they sustained from falling into the underground, or they float as a ghost

[cassyapper]

OKAY IVE ACTUALLY PLAYED TWO SESSIONS SINCE MY LAST POST SO IM GONNA COMBINE THEM HERE SORRY FOR THE LENGTH BUT,,IVE COME SO FAR I DONT WANNA STOP NOW

this is gonna be very messy cause i WILL be jumping back and forth as things come back to mind so uhh pls enjoy this absolute ramble <3

anyway. i continued playing omori and boy do i have some Thoughts

so first session; i went through the pyre(something i forgot the full name sob) forest/sprout mole village/sweetheart’s castle in one go and let me TELL YOU. DOING THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE I WENT NUTS holy shit.

so anyway.

pyre forest!!!! the lil race against the big spider coming after u for disturbing the smaller spiders mechanic was very fun i had a lot of fun figuring out the best routes to take. i know normally mechanics like that lead to ppl getting frustrated cause u have to keep retrying but i had a lot of fun!!!! sum annoyance but good natured type, th kind that just makes u try harder u know? i just enjoyed it JKFN;FN; candles in the foggy forest....now That is an aesthetic

the rare bear scared the fuckin shit out of me i remember it didn’t attack me straight away so i was like “aw (:” but then when i press x on him it takes me to a BATTLE SCREEN AND SUDDEN THAT MF IS TERRIFYING I WAS LIKE WHWHWHWHWKJDNJ. very funny i honestly wished i recorded my reaction

also omori is afraid of drowning...................................i am breathing heavily. i think whatever happened to mari is related to at least one of the things omori is scared of. so either heights, spiders, or drowning it seems. spiders doesnt seem super likely as a contributor to her death, and while falling from a height is more realistic, such a senseless way of dying doesnt seem to rlly fit ? with the vibe i get from the kiddos in the real world. which makes me think maybe drowning/otherwise suffocating is how she died...but we’ll see. also due to the forgotten library part, we know omori explicitly feared spiders/drowning before mari died so it’s also probable im jus talking out my ass here but still,,,,thoughts

also this motherfucker?

literally fucking terrifying. IT’S BODY IS MADE OF SUCC’D SPROUT MOLES...i still have no idea what exactly it was doing to them but jesus h christ!!!! evil and fucked up. do not feel bad for curbstomping it

sprout mole village!!!! very cute, im v excited to send that one dude his brother’s care package. i like how, when theyre not lost, sprout moles can be real endearing lil guys,,,theyre not my fav lil enemies but (:

also for some reason omori is the first game ive played where i really care about getting achievements ? so i literally did the back and forth on my save file just to get all the season sprout mole achievements JKDJFJ;. i ended up sticking w spring tho before moving on for real cause spring is my fav season irl (:

also i felt SO BAD for cutting down that one sprout mole’s chistmas tree he was just trying to celebrate but i wanted to see that present and coincidentally becoming a christmas ruiner was an achievement so all’s fair in love and war i suppose

ALSO. th fuckin plant monster thing under the scientist sprout mole’s room. major little shop of horror vibes from the design, absolutely adored it!!!!! originally i did  just cut the wire holding the piano over it, ending it in one go, but i was very curious abt it so i reloaded a save file to actually fight it and

i know it only spread that gas to make the kiddos happy cause being happy reduces attack i think ? it decreases attack/defense but seeing the kiddos smile so much was nice (:

however

omori...sunny....son boy.........u good ?

and now. sweetheart

the way the sprout moles completely adore and depend on sweetheart gives me such awful evil vibes and combined with such a luxurious background was fucking incredible

sweetheart herself, speaking of. bitch (sorta affectionately, certainly not derogatory)

i talked to every sprout mole in the audience before taking my seat and i literally dont know why. even when i picked up the pattern of where the unique dialogue could be found (usually the sprout moles farthest right) i still talked to all of them......just in case ? i have no idea. i dont know why i did that. i feel it’s important that i note it tho

LMAO SO WHEN SPROUT MOLE MIKE DID THE MINUTE OF SILENCE FOR YE OLD SPROUT MOLE

I LITERALLY FELT SO FUCKING BAD LMAO I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD NO!!!!!! I DID THAT!!! I KILLED HIM!!! OH MY GOD!!! I WONDER HOW AWKWARD OMORI KEL HERO AND AUBREY FELT IN THE AUDIENCE HOLY SHIT THEY HAD FRONT ROW SEATS TO SPROUT MOLE MIKE’S MOURNING!!! MY GOD FJKFN;;

also sprout mole mike describing 3′7″ inches as ”towering” was the FUNNIEST shit i have ever seen. also i have to wonder, since sweetheart made up the whole show of sweetheart’s quest for hearts in the first place, if she was seriously down to marry a sprout mole if one suited her fancy. jus v funny to me honestly. SPEAKING of sweetheart’s dating patterns I NOTICED THOSE FEM SKELETONS IN THE DUNGEON!!!!! BI SWEETHEART!!!! SHE’S JUST AS DOWN FOR GIRLS AS SHE IS BOYS

i know TECHNICALLY not everyone is in the dungeon for failing to be a good enough suitor but STILL...COME ON. THIS WAS BEFORE WE KNEW THAT. SWEETHEART BI I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

anyway

when the lights when out and lightning struck the third contestant, i knew Immediately something was gonna go down. and when the mustache sprout mole was like “oh yes!! u!! in the striped pjs!! u absolute beast ur perfect!!!” i KNEW hero had just been selected as the replacement i was goign completely fucking nuts i was like OH MY GODNFNG; HIS HEART IS ALREADY TAKEN BY MARI!!!!!!! STOP

i ended up taking so many screenshots during this part cause i was going feral so here take a glance just cause i love, uh, hero

OUR HERO IN SHINING ARMOR DJLBH;KFJB

also GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IM SHORTER THAN HERO

hero shaking on the stage when he was introduced...oh my HEART....IM SO FOND FOR THIS BOY WTF!!!!! DKJDN;N

this is not really NEWS to me since it’s implied hero is tall but like come ON..... sorry just every time i find out a character is explicitly taller than me i need to huff about it, moving on,

HERO FUCKS

sorry i just have so many screenshorts during this aprt cause i was going fucking crazy but

literally terrifying! sweetheart bathes in that shit!! christ!

is blood good for ur skin? i imagine, so long as like...gore isnt in it and it’s solely blood it cant be BAD necessarily......but good ? regardless very fucked up. besides the fact that well, uh, BLOOD, blood is also sticky as hell. ur telling me sweetheart willinglhy bathed in that shit? disgusting. at least thin it out

anyway I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THE PUZZLES AT SWEETHEART’S CASTLE....FROM THE DUNGEONS TO THE KITCHENS TO THE BALLROOM TO THE LIBRARY TO THE GARDENS JUST EVERYTHING!!!! IT WAS SO FUN I ENJOYED FIGURING IT OUT SO MUCH IT WAS LITERALLY DELIGHTFUL...I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH THE GAMEPLAY IS SO FUCKING EPIC I LITERALLY HAVE SO MUJCH FUN.......OH MY GOD I JUST. INCREIDBLE!!!! FUCK

also the lil sir maximus bit.........i honestly felt really awful over having to kill them ): i think i even tried running once but it wouldnt let me...it hurt man ): they were just a family....

um but anyway,

i think it was rlly sweet how aubrey protested to the wedding cause she was worried abt sweetheart,,,like i cant rlly explain it idk how to put it into words,,like sweetheart is clearly not mentally well and having an episode, and aubrey being the only one to say “hey what ur doing is self-destructive and isolating” just mmmh. she cares a lot,,,and *i* care aubrey

also sweetheart’s battle theme fucking SLAPPED...SO GODDAMN HARD IM STILL QUAKING OVER IT....FUCKING BANGER YO!!!!!! INCREDIBLE

ah but alas

BASIL........I NOTICED THAT IT WAS HIS GHOST/SHADOW DURING THE EXIT FROM OTHERWORLD AS WELL BUT JUST FUCK

im so worried about basil ):

and it being so obvious that none of the others can see...........them asking omori if he’s okay.....oh my god. i go nuts

and then...the forgotten library part

i literally cried, again, oh my fucking god

these kids loved each other so much they ADORED the time they spent with each other and im QUAKING to know WHAT HAPPENED TO MARI......HOW DID THE FALLOUT GO. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

i know there are multiple endings to this game and on god i am not QUITTING until i get the happiest ending there is for these kids im literally a goddamn fuckign mess oh my god

MARI SHWOING UP IN THE LIBRARY AT ONE POINT AND LEADING OMORI...........IM LTIERALLY GOIGN INSANE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE LOVED HIS SISTER SO MUCH HE’S SO CLEARLY LOST WITHOUT HER I CANT FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

GOD

okay sorry i just. ive said ti before but the grief in this game is so real and palpable and it aches, it aches so bad. also the white egret orchids in the library...i see u

but regardless.... session two real world electric boogaloo

LOVE that kel is like “so i need to run errands but u wanna come with me right? of course u do!” like fuck i rlly do. kel is just so delightful i would literally do anything to spend time with him

ALSO i noticed u can just refuse to open the door both times kel’s knocked now and it makes me wonder....if u could choose to ignore kel ? and then venture out urself or just ? i wonder what would even happen if u chose to not open the door. im CERTAINLY not doing it myself at the very least not this playthrough but i am curious...i bet that’s how u get a bad ending, by not talking w kel

but anyway....

aubrey and her gang not saying anything in the pizza parlor........i jus think abt that is all

ALSO!! pet rocks!!!!!!!!! LOVE this lil thing it’s so cute. jus rock paper scissors it babey

speaking of lil bits, love all the mini quests in the real world...it’s just rlly fun and builds up this cute lil town........it also makes me think that whatever happened to mari cant have been anything except an accident, bc no one comments on what a tragedy it was to omori. like if it was murder, there’s no way such a horrific situation wouldnt engulf the town for a bit and sweep over it for weeks at least, but that just doesnt seem to have happened. this is def me reading too into it tho;; point is neighbors nice (: also i got the seashell necklace and i go apeshit

ALSO......THE FUCKING...........CHURCH. I VISITED WITH KEL ON A COMPLETE WHIM CAUSE I WAS CURIOUS IF THE PASTOR WOULD TALK MORE ABT AUBREY BUT NO. INSTEAD HE TALKS ABT THE WEIRD VIBE FORM THE GRAVEYARD HE’S GETTING!!! AND THE DUDE WHO CHILLS IN THE GRAVEYARD SAYS SHIT ABT THE SPIRITS GETTING READY FOR SOMEONE TO JOIN THEM!!!! BITCH WAHT THE FUCK

THERE’S NOF UCKING WAY THIS ISNT ABOUT BASIL. THERE IS NO!!! WAY!!!! I SWEAR ON GOD IF BASIL DIES I WILL LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP CAUSE THERE IS LITERALLY NO OTHER WAY HE COULD DIE EXCEPT SUICIDE THAT’S WHAT IT HAS BEEN IMPLYING OVER AND OVER I GO NUTS I GO APESHIT NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK

OKAY SORRY I JUST. HHHHHHHHHHH

baby has acquired baby

kel’s family is rlly cute,,,,v heartwarming. i trust them

i do worry abt like...the stark difference between recognizing kel’s accomplishments and hero’s...i just idk. i just keep thinking abt that bit in kel’s story abt hero’s depression when his parents focused on hero and ignored him, and i just. kel’s family is good People but i worry if kel has a good support system...i jus........): i am watching

ahh THE BASIL MISSING PART MADE MY HEART LITERALLY FUCKING DROP..I WAS SO FUCKING PANICKED I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS IT BASIL IS DEAD

THANKFULLY HE WASNT BUT HOLY GOD HOW THAT WHOLE SITUATION PANNED OUT MADE ME GO NUTS!!!!!!! BASIL...AUBREY...HER GANG.......FUCK OH M YOGD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

THANK G O D I SNOOPED AROUND KEL’S HOUSE BEFORE LEAVING I WOULD HAVE H A T E D TO FIGHT THEM ALL AT ONCE IM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO JUST PEPPER SPRAY THEM JESUS CHRIST

oh my god kim like asking for aubrey all concerned before deciding to trust her and leaving.....kim i diagnose u with lesbain

the whole fucking. basil almost drowning scene. i seriously feel like ive changed like as a person over it. i am thinking . i am thinking. i am only evee thinking about mari and how omori just loved her so much and how the thought of her gave him strength. th pic of her ghost holding omori’s hand in the water made me cry

MMMM BUT. HERO!!!

I DIE I DIE I DIE HE’S SO PRETTY FUCK ALSO HIM PICKING UP BASIL WOOOOOOOO THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT YEAHHHHHHHH

god i feel so bad about leaving aubrey tho. shes so clearly not okay and she so clearly did not mean to push basil in and oh my GOD I JUST...PLEASE....PLEASE CAN WE JUST TLAK TO HER I NEED TO TLAK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO FUCK

the ghosts of omori and aubrey on the swings made me cry out like i had been physically assaulted

AHH BUT THEN TAKING BASIL HOME AND WHILE HE’S IN HIS BED HE JUST SAYS “oh sunny...there’s not way out of this...is there?” I LITERALLY GO BUCKWILD APESHIT INSANE STUPDI!!!!!! BASIL YOURE PUTTING UP A LOT OF ALARMING FLAGS HERE!!! PLEASE DO NOT FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK. CHRIST. HELL. SHIT. THIS GAME IS DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY

GOD

oh my god but the day ending with hero and kel sleeping over at omori’s house...im kdnd im jkdim im not uhm okay THEY BUILT A BLANKET FORT PLEASE..I LOVE THEM

goddd hero going into the piano room....playing sum........and then asking omori abt the song he and mari used to play on violin...and then THE TITLE SCREEN MUSIC STARTS PLAYING....HI. HI HELLO HI YOU CANT FUCKIGN DO THAT HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUFBJFGJNGN;EJNE; IM GOIGN NUTS

also the name omori comes from the piano.............interesting...i wonder why sunny likes being called omori in the dreamscape...

god but omori not having a srs hallucination cause he’s w his friends and he feels safe...im gonna sob

However. i did glance into the bathroom mirror. AND INSTEAD OF THE EYE MF IT’S A DISTORTED AS HELL GHOST MARI???IM SO FUCKIGN SCARED. IM SO SCARED. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK? CREEPY AS HELL!!!

ohh my god this GAME

so finally i ended up in whitespace again. do NOT like that omori is completely alone in the world!!! what the FUCK!!!!!!!! I AM SO SCARED AT ALL TIMES. im literally about to go play sum more tho after dinner so i will see what happens. god i jsut......this game is so fucking good it has me by the balls dude. SO glad i decided to play it bruh

anyway thanks for reading all of this if u did, it’s an absolute monster ik and ur a real one

[charlieweasleyy]

THE ONE WHERE WE ARE COMFORTABLE

WTN WEEK 2021 → day seven (episode seven) Hiiii friends so I decided to talk about things that bring me comfort and for me the thing that brings me the biggest comfort is the friends I've made on this board. I spend my time talking to these four basically allllll day long. If you can guess by the graphic above on who is who, but they have become some of my best friends so *drum roll* please and let me tell you about the people i consider to be my f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

MY LOBSTER Apparently, I am someone who when they find someone they mate for life. When I latched onto Elle I latched on and didn't (lol won't) let go. Like when I say she is my person I mean it with every fiber of my being. She is the soulmate. My wife. My lobster. She is like that perfect pair of sweatpants that you know are dependable and can count on and you don't want to let go of. She's like the television show that you need to put on because you've had a bad day. She's the first person I call when disaster happens. When I am having a bad day she is the first person I want to talk to and 10/10 she can say something to make it better.

We laugh until we cry and she likes to yell at me... but 9/10 I do deserve it. So, it is valid. If you see me flirting with her on the server (no you didn't) it's mostly because I can't help myself. So... just divert your eyes. It's very cliche to say that your life has changed after meeting someone, but that's what it has done. I am a better person for her, I'm more mindful, more open, and I don't think there isn't a person on this board who wouldn't say that Elle hasn't changed them for the better. It is who she is. She leaves you with something to think about, she challenges you. She pushes you. She has a heart for those who are misrepresented and misunderstood. I swear if Elle had her own talk show I'd listen to it every day. The girl is *passionate* and that is one thing I can't help but love about her. She is passionate about diversity, about the people on this board, I have watched her struggle with some hard decisions this year and how it has affected her mentally, but she also rises from the ashes because she has to. I have watched her countless times put this site above her own needs. I have watched her struggle. I have watched her doubt (herself and her future) and I have watched her wonder if she is doing the right thing. I have watched her feel remorse and pain and I'm telling you if you do not think Elle cares about WTN and everyone on this board then you've not seen her struggle the way that I've seen her struggle. It's probably why I'm so damn protective of her, but I don't regret a single second of it.

Okay, I've spent this whole time talking about how great Elle is but I've not spoken about the writing. I've run out of room... her writing is amazing, she is the one person I can respond to no matter what day I'm having and no matter what ship it is. I love all of our threads and I'm always so happy and excited to see an elle reply in my alerts waiting to be read and responded to! I find it hard to wrap them because they are just so good! If I have a day where I don't feel like doing replies good chance I'll still pull up an Elle reply because it normally makes my day better 99.99999% of the time. The .1% doesn't exist, but it's including the slight possibility of error and the fact Elle will have something to refute that claim with.

THE GIRL I'D MOVE FURNITURE WITH I don't think there is anyone else I want around my side to do some of the heavy lifting and I don't mean that in the physical sense, but in the writing sense and the mental sense too (tho I don't need to see Kae in real life to know that she's strong). You know that saying about people who struggle in silence. I think that describes Kae because sometimes it's like using a crowbar in getting her to open up and to TALK. It is one of the most frustrating things. It's kind of like a treasure box when you have the box sitting right in front of you and it is impossible to open. Okay, half the battle was finding it. You have the map in front of you and when you finally find it, it is STILL locked. That's Kae. It was quite the struggle in getting her to be open to more plots like I knew where to find and how to find her, but actually getting to Kae felt impossible even though I had all of the directions in front of me. But once you put in the time and effort to get to know her.... like *really* know her, it's like discovering treasure. Not only is she one of the most dependable writers (like I said she will carry the heavyweight in all of her threads), but she is one of the best writers! I love reading her threads even if I'm not in them, they always leave me on the edge of my seat and that characterization *chef's kiss*. MAKES JOKES WITH BC HUMOR IS BAE Oh you know the one who tells the jokes when they are uncomfortable. It is a friends reference and the only one I could think of when I thought of Aria. She makes me laugh. She probably makes me laugh more than anyone especially during WTNWeek because of these videos. When I say read something in an Aria voice I mean it! She isn't really that awkward!! But I'm sure she'll say differently so YOLO. Aria doesn't know a stranger, she pops into your DMs and suddenly it's like you have known her all of your life. We have not known one another as long as I have known Kae and Elle, but she fits in so well. Her writing is beautiful and I love how she is in my DMs daily with inspiration for our ships. I started out with zero Aria ship and Aria made two new characters just to have ships with me and I love her for that. I can gush about how amazing she is because she is one of those people who will provide you comfort. If she knows you are having a bad day, she will send you something to make you smile and she'll remind you that she loves you. And I can't even tell you how having those videos during WTNWeek has made my days a little bit better! If I'm feeling frustrated or sad I just turn one on and it has made my day ten times better. It's funny how she is young, but she is kind of my teacher. She sends me videos to help me when I don't understand something and I am SORRY Aria because you've had to send a lot of videos lately, but I don't think the staff could have made a better decision in asking Aria to hop on board. She is always so helpful and the thing is -- she *wants* to help. She wants to pitch in. She always puts her best foot forward and I love that. And cand we talk about those posting and organization skills #swoooon MY SMELLY CAT In reality I am probably singing this song to Jasmine, but I feel like you'd join in sooo here we go. I wanna preface and say I am not calling Bela a smelly cat! But she speaks in references I don't understand sometimes and sometimes she talks about these weird noises she makes so I think this description is perfect for her. Bela came into WTN and I normally have trust issues BUT I trusted my gut and Prudy is one of my favorite characters on the board. We have been trying to get her cousin on board for as long as I can remember. Prudy deserves all of the good things so I really wanted Bela to stay on board. I threw her practically everything I could think of and I am so glad I did because it has allowed us to get close over the years.

Bela and I have created some fun dynamics over the years between readie being the superior of them all, but we also created dynamics that I never expected to create like Manny, Sieun, and Dylya. They have come to be some of my FAVORITE pairings. It's kinda funny we often joke about how we only have one ship on the board, but it feel like we have a billion. Bela always enjoys sending me music, it's like when she knows I need some writing music, and that's part of the ways she fits into my comfort. Bela is a listener. She listens and she is one of those people who are easy to talk to. I enjoy sharing headcanons and future headcanons and character ideas that we won't create but would like to! I like that she is open and she is honest with me - if she is having a bad day then she'll let me know. But I also think we've talked so much that I can just tell.We are comfortable with one another and I absolutely LOVE it.

I know confetti has been going on for a while, but there are not many people you write with and write WELL with but I have found multiple people I LOVE writing with and I absolutely LOVE talking to. I have found my person (lol more like loml), my partner-in-crime (like if I'm going to go to jail I need her in my corner), my cheerleader (and child), and my ship in the night (lol, we gotta be on at the right time and at the right time to talk).

[storybookprincess]

every so often i see posts circulating that say shit like “adult life is just washing dishes & listening to podcasts can i die yet lol” & i genuinely cannot describe how much i hate them.

bc i don’t know about y’all, but i frankly have spent enough time being miserable. i don’t know about y’all, but i didn’t wait 18 years to get out from under my parents’ wildly dysfunctional roof & battle my chronic illness all through college to get my degree just to be consumed by overwhelming ennui & edgy nihilism about being an adult.

look, i’ll level w you. there’s a lot of adulthood that’s just plain monotonous. i’m not disagreeing about that. but the answer isn’t to resign ourselves to despair. the answer is to make our own fun.

i don’t enjoy washing dishes either, but lip syncing to the trashy pop punk i liked in middle school while doing it vastly improves the experience. yeah, cooking all your own meals is a chore, but it becomes far more fun when you find recipes for dishes people eat in your favorite tv series and make them for yourself. buying groceries gets old fast, but realizing the supermarket sells strawberry mochi ice cream & treating myself to it occasionally makes grocery day something i look forward to.  my commute isn’t exactly the highlight of my day, but why not blast anime openings on my way to work?  who’s gonna stop me?? it’s my car, so i make the rules.

lucky enough to have even a bit of disposable income? spend it on stupid nerd shit that makes you happy. weekends finally your own bc you don’t have homework anymore? go out & do fun things. have your own place? yeah, it’s probably kinda crummy, but plaster the walls w care bears posters if that’s what you enjoy. i could go on.

idk, i just look at how long i waited & how hard i worked to achieve financial independence & i just refuse to resign myself to a dull but persistent ache of boredom & unhappiness bc the narrative we’ve decided to adopt is “ugh being an adult sucks so much.”  we have to make our own fun & find the childlike wonder & joy in the little things or what is the goddamn motherfucking point of it all?

[gayregis]

blood and wine rewrite au basic layout

i already posted something like this before but i cant find the post so im just rewriting all of this from the top of my head

everyone’s repurposed roles:

geralt - he’s still a witcher. he’s geralt of rivia. obviously. i don’t have time or interest to think about how to rewrite the entire witcher 3 game to be lore-friendly, but i assume there would be less triss and more dandelion involved in it. for this let’s just take him as geralt having done everything in tw3 but with the personality of geralt from the books because geralt from the games doesn’t have much of a strong personality good for writing or thinking about.

regis - a bitch. nah jk. he’s same regis but just what he was like 100 years ago when he got his head cut off. he’s less spiralling-into-doom than he was then, and is less desperate and hopeless overall, but is slowly getting there once again. he doesn’t remember anything about learning from his mistakes and becoming a good person, because this regis didn’t get any of that. to this regis, it’s like no time has passed at all since he died, and he’s ready to start partying again without any thought of the consequences. he’s moved to toussaint because everyone’s already tipsy there and the north is plagued by war so it’s not a really great source to be drinking from (like if there was a sewage leak near the vineyard you sourced your wine from). he doesn’t remember anything about maturing up or about becoming a surgeon or about the hansa, so that sucks.

dettlaff - not a fucking maniac. actually a character geralt will likely spend a good amount of time talking to. total character overhaul because he does not have a personality in the actual DLC. he arrived in toussaint because he had heard that regis had returned and wanted to fix things wih him, he had previously left him.

syanna - not a fucking dumbass, yet still naive in her own way due to being blinded with the promise of power. in this, she is planning to stage a coup on the duchy (because she is the older sister, so it IS her right by law) and she supports regis’ slow dive again into uncontrollable insanity because it helps her prop up rumors that her sister’s reign is ineffective against real threats and is cursed. but this alliance does not go as she planned...

orianna -  in this, she is the owner of a gladiatorial school (instead of an orphanage), and is still like in canon a wealthy and influential individual of beauclair, yet reclusive from human society. she is regis’ best friend and goads him on, because she never fixed her own issues with alcoholism and now is elated to have him back and forgetting that they had disagreements which drove them apart in the first place. they’re best friends (NO romance) and it’s just good to see how insanely different orianna and geralt are because they’ve both been regis’ close friends at different points in time.

the purpose of this:

fix regis’ relationships with the vampires. he slowly drove all of his good friends away by going off the deep end and many are likely wondering whatever happened to him. but books regis would never consider partying like that again, so we bring the party regis back and then slowly de-escalate him into normal books regis again, and we finally get closure with him and his old friends.

cool dramatic stereotypical vampire shit. i’m talking about a final battle or conversation in a giant dark castle with large open windows and billowing drapery.

regis’s hairstyle

give syanna actual agency as a character and give her motivations that extend beyond pure revenge (although they are related to revenge) and make her more unique so she is not just a ripoff of renfri. 

demonstrate anna henrietta and geralt’s relationship as it was in the books. he was genuinely intimidated by her and i interpret him as being jealous of her relationship with dandelion, so he in practice was quite withdrawn around her as she was her overemotional and embellished self

give dettlaff an actual character, holy shit. i hate how sorely underdeveloped he is in the game. i understand why because it’s not meant to be writing, it’s meant to be a video game, but come on. i hate having the vampire with the cool character design be the ultimate villain of the whole narrative. in this, he’s someone geralt can talk to and sees himself in. he’s emotionally mature and doesn’t mix with the other vampires. since we already know what regis is like, we don’t have to sit through dettlaff making excuses for him and trying to describe what his character is like. we also get a better view of regis’ past through dettlaff’s lense. 

give orianna an actual character, holy shit. i hate how they didn’t even try with her and just used her as a “surprise, she is quite evil!” gimmick. have her actually have a larder for blood that is lore-friendly yet still jumps out at the audience as morally wrong.  give her more personality and development.

examine regis’ backstory without actually getting into every single year of those 4 centuries. we can examine how it started good, turned bad, went worse... there’s a lot of loss involved and i think this would be nice to process it.

roughly what happens (under cut because if i ever do write this fic out, this is spoilers, literally the synopsis of the whole thing):

anna henrietta sends envoys to geralt. they establish that the duchess has no conflict with geralt and that her conflict was with dandelion, only. she has requested his help because he effectively dealt with many monsters while he was in beauclair and established a trustworthy reputation (also, he’s famous, and toussaintoirs are superficial). instead of the beast of beauclair killing particular victims, it’s the countryside which has been plagued by vicious attacks of the devil knows what.

geralt arrives and examines the scenes of the attacks. the sincere majority of the victims are alive, so he speaks to them. they remember nothing, but woke up with their village fucking absolutely trashed and with vomit everywhere. they all have wounds on their necks. geralt thinks he knows what’s up, but is reluctant to deal with it because of his memories of regis, who he misses

damien de la tour is assigned to geralt as a sort of backup. they argue and geralt manages to get him to stay put in beauclair while he rides to a village they believe will be attacked next. it’s not even a full moon so the vampires don’t even come out in their bat form (disappointing) but instead just mesmerize their way in in humanoid form. dettlaff sneaks up on geralt who is (ahem) staking out the situation, and is like hey dont kill regis hes not evil hes just misguided!! and geralt is like REGIS? EMIEL REGIS? THTS WHO’S LEADING THEM? i ..... i know him.... and dettlaff’s like what the fuck how... then they get caught and regis is like oh hey dettlaff who’s this guy and geralt feels very left out :( and also sad bc regis doesnt remember shit and geralt even lists the hansa members by name and regis is still like O_O ok yeah im just going to hypnotize you to get lost ok goodbye! but dettlaff prevents him from doing this and they both get thrown out of the party.

after the party geralt is a mess and is like wtf so hes back and what... how... huh... and dettlaff doesnt know how he returned or why he returned either but they compare geralt’s knowledge of how regis died with dettlaff’s knowledge of how regeneration works and they figure out that regis just regenerated from his past body and that’s why he doesn’t have any of his memories from when he turned good.

then they eavesdrop a little more and find out that syanna has been talking to regis and making deals with him (its... not really like she thinks, regis really hasnt been doing anything he doesnt want to. shes just like “hey can you attack this village here” and regis is like yeah i was gonna host a party there tomorrow night ...) so they are like who the fuck is this woman and track her down to her base of operations, and then they find out that THEY got followed by damien de la tour, who identifies her as sylvia anna. geralt is a little miffed on behalf of dandelion that damien seems to be so close to anna henrietta but i digress.

geralt reports his findings to the duchess but does NOT mention regis because the duchess knows who regis is. then we get the same vampire talk from canon b&w where the duchess and damien are sorely misinformed on every single thing ever.

geralt is defeated and has no idea on how to fix this and hes looking hard into a mirror by candlelight and then decides to go to bed so he turns around and regis is right behind him like hey. cue ‘holy shit what the fuck’ moment and freaking out. regis explains himself and says that he doesnt remember him but the fact that he gave so many specifics weirded him out and he kind of wants to know more out of curiosity. also he wants to talk to dettlaff but feels too bad about how he argued with him like 3 centuries ago that he cant just ask him directly.

so they talk and geralt is all :(( and regis is like ok well. i kinda want to get these memories back because they sound pretty significant and also im pretty miserable. but also im not going to stop partying bc its the only thing that makes me feel alive rn. so long!

geralt and dettlaff talk to orianna and she dislikes them both but still talks to them and then regis materializes and also begins bothering them and its quite civil but this scene just serves to demonstrate how annoying they are as friends lol

there’s scenes where you can either save damien / syanna from being unalived by the vampires’ / regis’ hand, only if you let syanna die will the duchess be mad and accuse you of being heartless like dandelion is and then geralt and the duchess actually get into an argument bc of that comment but geralt ofc loses bc hes scared of her lol

no matter what you get regis his memories back but your decisions to either continue helping him or not is what makes him change or not. even after he gets his memories back (or because he gets his memories back?) he decides to raze beauclair bc hes just so fucking miserable and geralt has to talk him down, if you are harsh and not understanding and shame him etc then he doesnt change, if you condemn his actions but still offer your support then he does.

if you offer your support > geralt talks about the hansa like For Ever and regis then adds in everything and yay regis is back to normal. theres like a wholesome montage of geralt being like “just TRY to sew up a wound i promise you you will be good at it” and regis does and hes splendid at it. regis and dettlaff finally make up and are bros once again. we help orianna with her issues and she realizes stuff but is still going to have a drink once in a while. if syanna is alive she doesnt hate on any of this but just decides to make up with the duchess and then become captain of the guard (damien gets fired for being a dumbass).

if you do not offer your support > regis goes to cry in a delapidated creepy old castle and you have an epic fight (geralt is backed up by dettlaff) and he turns into a bat and geralt almost dies, they manage to decapitate regis again and put him in the ground and set a timer for 50 years

if you redeem regis then there’s an ending scene where the duchess is like “oh regis i didnt know you were in town” and hes just like <:) ahaha... yeah...

cue crying about milva/cahir/angouleme For Ever. maybe link this with the fic where geralt and regis bring them all back as ghosts/real ppl and then they have to deal with those consequences

[fire-emblem-drabbles]

matchup time (:

hell ye >:3c so i’m a female scorpio, sexually-speaking i consider myself demisexual with a heavy preference for men (despite the anxiety i get from being around them). my hobbies include reading, a lot of creative mediums (writing, drawing, sculpting, cosplaying, moreso in the realm of making characters and worlds and whatnot, i also have an original canon that i’ve been working on for 9-10 years now), biking, psychology, video games (mainly visual novels and rpgs), world mythology, music, and playing trombone! personality-wise i’m a bit complicated due to trauma (i’m working on it tho) but i’m very much an ambivert! so sometimes i may be outgoing and talkative, other times i only want to have deep conversations with lots of personal substance and then go to sleep right after. i’ve been told that i’m somebody who’s pretty aware of themselves or at the very least understanding of my own inner machinations, the awareness of which i’ve spent a lot of time cultivating to help manage my adhd and anxiety/depression. other words people have used to describe me are artistic, eccentric, vivacious, mischievous/playful, empathetic, wild, stubborn, sensitive, aggressive/dominant, impatient, fiery, i think you get the gist. i also have a little shih tzu puppy named xander (as in alexander the great bc we’re greek) who i love very very much.

for the character, choose characters from fe: awakening/fates/3H but if you think ike might be a good fit too, feel free to add him in there. wink wink. and maybe one of the boys from p5 ghfjdlsla

_________________________________________________________

Fates: Hmm Fates was honestly the game I was having the hardest time choosing someone from… but I honestly think Kaze is the best match for you!

As far as men go, Kaze is far more comforting to be around than anyone else. I can’t say for certain if that will be the case for you… but know he would do whatever you needed to feel comfortable around him! He’s all about seeing you happy, healthy, and safe (he’ll often put your feelings above his (make sure to check in on him from time to time; he’ll really appreciate it). He’s also probably one of the most supportive partner of your creative arts that you can find; he’s the type to take your drawings and show them off to others or sit down with you and let you explain, as in depth or not as you please, about your world; it fascinates him endlessly how full of creativity you are! He’s amazed every time he learns something new about you and is always excited to take the time to learn more.

As for Trauma, Kaze understands; he has a lot of his own baggage he needs to face it and as he sees it, these things are better done together. So don’t worry about sharing your burdens with him, Kaze will gladly help you shoulder your emotional burdens, so long as you’ll let him do the same. While he’s an introvert himself, Kaze is perfectly willing to deal with you as you come. He’s fond of how playful you are (plenty of people have told him to loosen up and well… you make it easy).

Kaze met you while trying to escape the girls that tend to fawn over him when he goes into towns. How it happened, neither of you were sure but you quite literally bumped into one another and tripped! Lucky for you, Kaze caught you! Of course, Kaze immediately felt bad and wanted to make it up to you and it just went on from there!

Awakening: Inigo was actually the first person I thought of when I read your description, the trouble was deciding to use him for fates/awakening hehe

Anyways, it’s easy to picture how to two of you met; Inigo can’t help himself when he sees a cute girl but seeing how you freeze up and stutter in reply Inigo is like, whoa, hey, are you good? And in return finds himself shying up and getting awkward too. Just like you get anxious around men, he gets shy around girls; once the two of you learn how to function around one another he’s happy to give you advice on how he deals with his anxiety.

Inigo is endlessly supportive in your creative endeavors! He may be a talented dancer but in his eyes that hardly holds a candle to the worlds you can create with your wondrous words, or the art you can make seemingly out of nothing. It’s amazing to him and he’s more than happy to indulge you in it; make sure to compliment him as well, not only so you can see that adorable blush of his but also so he knows you support him as much as he does you!

Honestly, Inigo loves how playful and mischievous you can be; it reminds him to to be so embarrassed and shy when he’s with you, or even without you. Your smile, how you get so fired up yet are still so kind and empathetic… Everything about you and your personality help calms him down and face whatever it is he’s facing. He can only hope the smile he’s always ready to give (special for you, nowadays) can help you in the same way.

3 Houses: If I’m honest, I’m still not completely sure on this (if only because it feels like my own bias is shining through) but I feel like Lorenz would be a good match for you! Just hear me out please!

Obviously this would be post time skip (as most of my dealings with 3h will be). But out of most of the cast in 3 houses I feel like after time skip Lorenz becomes one of the more understanding, respectful and patient men! If you’re scared or anxious around him he’s first going to try to figure out what he can do to lessen that and if that means he has to leave your company, so be it but he’ll leave with a “if you even need to talk about it, I’ll be willing to listen”.

He’s a huge supporter of the creative arts (though, unfortunately he’s not very creative himself, more blessed in leading, tactics and such things). Still, as every noble should have, he has a great appreciation of the arts! He finds it incredibly charming how you can just make a world and continue to work with it and change it as you grown and change yourself and is your biggest supporter when it comes to art!  He’s more than ready to commission you to do work for him and display it where everyone can see, proudly explaining what it is, just who did and who you are to him.

He’s always to sit down with a piping cup of tea and spend the afternoon chatting away with you about whatever comes to mind. The inner workings of your mind, of the person he admires and adores so much who can be so controversial at times (fiery but shy, anxious but wild). Everything about you only adds up to make him love you more than he did the moment before!

Ike: I really honestly think you and Ike would end up being really good together! The two of you are actually quite similar in some aspects while your differences really balance one another out.

You’re a lot more on the creative side than Ike, it’s true. He may not be the best to talk to when it comes to your more creative endeavors since he’ll mostly remain quiet due to lack of knowledge but know what makes you happy makes him happy. He’ll gladly be your quiet company while you create worlds and masterpieces,  so long as you humor him with his likes. Which, isn’t hard really; Ike just wants someone he can be himself with and let his worries out to.

He really admires how playful and free you seem. Ike’s always willing to grow closer with his allies but sometimes isn’t always sure how he. It’s not that he’s shy he just becomes awkward quickly in a situation he doesn’t know where to begin in. But with you, it’s always seemed easy. Once you’ve overcome your anxiety it’s always fun to talk with you because its always different.

You grew to be a trusted confident, right under his nose. It was different that with Soren, Mist, or even Titiana. When he’s with you, not only do his worries flow freely but he wants to hear yours in return and even try to soothe them. Its confusing, no doubt, because Ike has never really felt this way before. He has the weight of the world on him and yet he still wants to help shoulder your burdens as well. He’s thankful for you help both inside and outside of battle but his need to protect you is distracting. So of course, he’ll go to you with his worries, as always; in the end, it’s up to you to tell him that he’s in love with you. It’ll take him a moment but then it will all click in place for him.

“Oh,” He paused, blinking slowly as if taking the long moment to really process it all. “I… guess I am.” He smiled, softly at you now. “I love you.” He laughed as the words left his lips, gaze settling on your face. “So I guess now… the question is, do you feel the same way?

[arcadia-trash]

Basic Reproduction, Pregnancy, and Childbirth info for fanfic writers

As a mom myself as well as a future midwifery student, one thing that can really get me out of the escapism of fanfiction is the inaccurate or awkward depiction of pregnancy and childbirth. Whether because it is overly simplistic, written traumatically, or shares misguided ideas surrounding fertility and childbearing, it just really has me not enjoying the content despite it being a good story otherwise. The downside of being well-versed on a certain topic is that you become quite good at seeing misconceptions about it in fiction!

And especially since so many fanfic writers are either too young to be parents or are childless, I felt: hey, why not help out a lil bit? I love your stories and growth as a writer, so I think it’s only fair that I can contribute in some way. It’s not so much a how-to guide, mostly just basic resources to study from or refer to, but I do have a small commentary here and there.

I tried to make the list as encompassing as possible, to include resources that could help with fantasy, sci-fi settings, as well as ideas for non-human characters. So this list is for more than just typical human stuff!

You can read more below the cut:

Fertility Awareness, Health, and Birth Control:

This part is important to fully understand how and why a pregnancy can occur. Contrary to what a lot of people learn, you actually CAN’T get pregnant on any day of the menstrual cycle -- and birth control can fail in various ways even when used correctly. I figured this would help writers better describe how a character falls pregnant by way of BC failure, and not keep it so vague and mysterious. And hey, if that means free sex ed for teen and adult writers, then more power to them. :)

fertilityfriday.com

larabriden.com

avivaromm.com

factsaboutfertility.org

bedsider.org

Pregnancy:

Pregnancy can vary wildly in experiences, so I tried to include mostly resources for pregnant parents that take this into consideration. You can also find info on pregnancy stuff in resources listed in the childbirth list!

babycenter.org (they also have info on raising kids up to five years of age!)

americanpregnancy.org

womenshealth.gov

Childbirth:

My favorite part! Here you will find lots of birth stories -- all quite varied -- and will give insight into how birth can play out. The resources above also discuss childbirth.

midwiferytoday.com

birthwithoutfearblog.com

spinningbabies.org (they have a blog you can read from)

evidencebasedbirth.com

A really neat article about a really neat midwife! https://www.healthline.com/health/betty-ann-daviss-midwife-breech-births

You can also search for birth videos on youtube. Just be careful -- they are often “graphic” in that they don’t blur out genitalia or blood (both of which is normal in birth btw, but it may come as a shock to some out there) and I found a few (not many, but enough) birth videos where women were verbally harassed by care providers. Just sharing this so that you can decide for yourself if it’s worth searching.

Postpartum (post-birth recovery):

Most of the pregnancy and birth info I post above will comment on postpartum recovery and traditions. However, here are more specific resources that can be useful for writers.

slowpostpartum.com

postpartum.net

postpartumresourcegroup.net

article comparing postpartum recovery traditions around the world: https://www.scarymommy.com/postpartum-care-is-better-other-countries/

LGBT representation:

I know a lot of fanfic writers use their craft to share their desire for positive LGBT stories. If this is your thing, here are some parenting and pregnancy resources that real LGBT people use when growing a family; it will help keep the realism respectful and accurate when writing for your LGBT character(s).

La Leche League on chestfeeding/breastfeeding for LGBT parents: https://www.laleche.org.uk/support-transgender-non-binary-parents/

You can follow the Queer Doula on facebook for ideas and information on LGBT birth as well, they are Non-Binary: https://www.facebook.com/TheQueerDoula/

Badassmotherbirther and The Warrior Within Birth Services also occasionally share LGBT posts and encouragement (also on facebook)

POC-specific resources for cultural sensitivity:

I hate lumping all non-white cultures into one “POC” grouping, but I felt this would be the easiest way to keep the list organized. I included organizations run by and for Indigenous and Black women, since they face the most discrimination in the birthing world. I was going to link resources for Latino families as well but I couldn’t find any, sorry. :(

Indigenous Breastfeeding Counselor: https://www.facebook.com/IndigenousBreastfeedingCounselor

Indigenous Birth Workers Network: https://www.wisewomengp.org

Wuttahminneoh Birth Work (I am so sorry for the funky link facebook will literally not give me another URL): https://www.facebook.com/heartberry.bw/?__xts__[0]=68.ARAsiZyY90fZivjKJkF0MtcjMTiRhOHOT0Q-QiJe3FTwFJfBpKtNDMsQQLog8A2Uv0VC7ki5CRKR9Oi8RNuR2RHAHVmAm3aHQxTmuo5tvpFu4i7lZfMlnFmo8LTVc8-Qfd6wnA1itDCh4o4qtc45MUJI9NZh4lvVBXhLbnMGck6AiDUzFjrIyDikppt4lnX1jjFzkx-g5QCapbeX3BqpuWWvtHpw35L7QzbmOoyW-1iFi4S2s997u795VFAKLVEkqWTFyzmZhJdZbGd3gzt2lzJ-jB1crYe-y-eaLrbnBYmfar8UYToVNu-hOCVojr3pnLfaZn-tIwxwiXyBXz-jnwkCt52mrKaVagcK6l6GkzE91pN8GncBkQ

A Story of Indigenous Birth Justice: http://micemagazine.ca/issue-two/story-indigenous-birth-justice

National Black Midwives Alliance: https://blackmidwivesalliance.org

Black Women Do Breastfeed: https://blackwomendobreastfeed.org

Different types of reproduction in the animal and plant kingdoms:

I’m not much an expert in this area, though I do find it fascinating. If you would like to use ideas from nature for head canons about non-human races, then go nuts -- the natural world is full of inspiration!

Plant-based biology:

https://byjus.com/biology/plant-kingdom-plantae/

https://www.britannica.com/science/plant-reproductive-system

Animal-based biology:

https://www.britannica.com/science/animal-reproductive-system/Sponges-coelenterates-flatworms-and-aschelminths

https://byjus.com/biology/animal-kingdom/

Asexual vs Sexual Reproduction:

https://biologywise.com/asexual-vs-sexual-reproduction

And youtube has a lot of documentary videos of animals giving birth if you want to check it out.

A note on traumatic/dramatic birth scenes:

I, personally, have a special request:

PLEASE stop writing traumatic birth scenes.

No death of the mother or the baby. No focus on out of control pain or death by infection or “““blood loss”““. No birthing during a battle or other climatic event.

In the United States and other parts of the world, millions of women struggle with PTSD or postpartum mood disorders due to mistreatment and trauma experienced at birth, and many more are simply surrounded by negative depictions of birth in mainstream media.

Women are told, every day through common media tropes, that birth is scary and anything can go wrong and that they have no choice in how birth may or may not turn out. While it is true that something may require medical attention, most pregnancies are low risk, and many complications at birth or after birth occur because of medical negligence or lack of informed consent. But this mistreatment and negligence is often put into the spotlight as a way to sanctify care providers and scaremonger women about their bodies.

If you would like to do a small part in normalizing fertility, pregnancy, and birth, then I humbly request that you do so by keeping birth simple and refreshingly non-traumatic. If you absolutely MUST have a dramatic birth scene, at least keep it accurate to what can actually happen, and warn your readers ahead of time on where to skip the scene. An author did that for a trauamtic birth in a fic I read, and it was a lifesaver for me. I did not have to re-live my own trauma from my first birth, and instead was able to focus on the story outside of it.

Otherwise, I would much prefer to read a silly, happy, or even just plain old NORMAL birth scene myself. I never see this. Often the birth scene is either traumatic/dramatic as an excuse to hurt or kill off a character, or it is comedic to make fun of natural birth. For once, I would adore to see a birth just as it is: a powerful moment where a mother (and father or other parent) meets her child, whether naturally without medical intervention or during a healing, family-centered c-section. When it comes to positive and accurate representation, birth is sorely in need of it! If you have a hard time of knowing where to start, just read the many positive birth stories out there -- they are great for inspiration and encouragement.

Thank y’all for reading, it means a lot. :)

**NOTE** I may expand this list in the future. If you would like to add anything here, please let me know.

[roominthecastle]

post--“620″ ramblings about stuff & things

so 620 picks up one week after the succulent goose incident. Despite those 7 days, our Red remains as angry and hurt as he was before (if not more), which is our first key point. “I can neither kill... nor trust... nor forgive.” It’s quite an unsettling thing to hear, to say the least, and Liz, unsettled, immediately counters w/ “You forgave Dembe.” This Liz vs Dembe thread that’s been earnestly pulled on since 618 gives us the second key. It reaches all the way back to the first episode of this season where it gets established why such a comparison is not working as an argument: “That’s different.”

In both 620 and 601 we have a moment where Liz and Red try to drag poor Dembe in between them as an “example” to deflect pressure, but each immediately rejects this stunt bc they both know that the nature of their relationship is different. The forgiveness of a parent (figure) is not forthcoming for Liz bc Red’s feelings for her are not really those of a parent. This exact issue emerged after her faked death, too, and Bokenkamp touched upon Red’s point of view already, i.e. how the parent figure would have to forgive but the romantic partner is, in fact, conflicted [x]. But I’ve already written a longer piece on this duality, so I won’t get into it here.

And Red’s been struggling. He is heartbroken again and not as a parent. A parent’s heartbreak is equated to “being impaled by a unicorn” and -- still barred from being in her life -- it’s little Agnes whom Red watches riding a unicorn on the carousel. :)

With Liz, Red is suffering through something else that 100% parallels what Liz went through w/ Tom re, love, betrayal, and forgiveness. She was in limbo where she couldn’t kill, she couldn’t trust, she couldn’t forgive. She lost control and cold fury was the only way to get some of it back. And then she gave in to hope and “forgave every lie and believed every promise” only to get betrayed again. Red describes his predicament the same way: she “has lied and deceived me and I've forgiven her every time” and “I knew but I let my hopes convince me that she wouldn’t betray me.” This ties straight back to the idea of being in love == being rendered powerless, which is part of a larger quote from James about self-deception vs true romantic love. Part of this had a cameo in S2 and another is echoed at the end of this episode (the greeting card bit).

The topic of appearance vs truth is the third key that slides neatly into the broader question of Red’s identity. We have two important scenes that poke this issue:

one w/ Ressler when he questions Dom’s story and Liz’s willingness to gloss over the holes to preserve a neat surface appearance: “But is it the truth? Does it make sense that this is the answer?”

and the other is w/ torture master Teddy who points out how Red lives a charade: “The code's like the suit and the hat. You feel good wearing it. Look good, too. Million bucks. But, and I gotta think deep down you know this, it's like lipstick on a pig. It can cover a lotta sins. End of the day, it's still trayf.”

and all this nicely echoes Dom’s words from the previous episode (the “architect of this charade” who’s “stepping into the lie”) and the way Red kicks off the whole show in 101: “Everything about me is a lie.”

Red wears a disguise, is the point. “Raymond Reddington” is a lie he’s been inhabiting for a yet to be fully uncovered purpose. But ever since he met Liz, he’s been longing to break from this. It’s clearly expressed in all those emotional moments he shares w/ her, e.g.:

“I haven't been home in years. But if anyone can give me a second chance, it's you.”

“Sailors have been navigating by the stars for thousands of years. Odysseus spent a decade at war. But his biggest battle was finding his way home. That's Polaris, the North Star. That's how sailors used to find their way home. When I look at you, that's what I see. I see my way home.”

“It may be hard for you to imagine, but I once had a relatively normal life... bills to pay, play dates, family, some friends, people to care about. Lost all that. // Lost how? // In Mexico, there are these fish that have colonized the freshwater caves along Sierra del Abra. They were lost. They found themselves living in complete darkness. But they didn't die. Instead, they thrived. They adapted. They lost their pigmentation, their sight, eventually even their eyes. With survival, they became... hideous. I've rarely thought about what I once... was. But I wonder...if a ray of light were to make it into the cave, would I be able to see it? Or feel it? Would I gravitate to its warmth? And if I did, would I become... less hideous?”

When Red looks at Liz and Agnes, the deep longing for that past self w/ a wife and daughter stirs in him. It surfaces when she tells him her simple yet distant dream of walking in the park w/ her husband and daughter. They want the exact same thing. This is consistent throughout the seasons. He’s been gently signaling this to her and she’s been fleeing from it bc he is just... too much and the idea of him in that role in her life is an attractive yet scary image (see her steamy dream of him in S2 that blends sensuality and dread as Red, having murdered her husband, stalks up to her bed asking what she really wants).

Red’s anger as a way to reestablish a semblance of soothing control and Liz’s refusal to face the truth to protect herself are what we have in that last scene in 620. “father figure” is a buffer zone, always has been, it’s part of the charade Red lives while wearing Reddington’s identity. Despite having pushed for the truth, she is now trying to lock him into this lie, telling him that that’s what he will always be. And if you keep in mind those quotes above that show how Red longs for a past life around her, then you can see how her words likely inflict more pain.

This brings another quote from Red to mind:

“You said something before. The truth doesn’t matter, that the only thing in this world that matters is just the appearance of truth. I fear you might be right about that. Lately I find that the truth has become… so elusive. Often imaginary. But in the end, it’s all that we’re left with, isn’t it? What is real, what you can taste and touch and feel. The words that pass between us as we look each other in the eye are… all we have to hold on to. The truth. I hold it dear.”

In their first scene where Liz talks about finally having the opportunity to be completely honest w/ each other, they sit face to face. And then promptly dance back from it all, esp Red. Then she soon admits to Ressler that she might be closing her eyes to the whole truth to keep things simple, safe and "sweet”. And so in their last scene, there is no eye contact at all as she tells Red that it doesn’t matter who he once was (never mind that months ago she was willing to put him in jail to find out) bc this fake identity is who he is and who he will always be, which apparently dictates that he must play father and grandfather.

The sheer arrogance and presumptuousness of this statement are already begging for a strong rebuttal but it also nicely reflects Liz’s tendency to make things about herself while brushing aside how others might feel or think. She did this w/ Tom when she refused to see who he really was and tried to convince herself he’d changed. And she does this to Ressler, too, when she tells him she knows he did everything bc he thought it was what was best for her, never mind that that was not Ressler’s motivation at all and he, in fact, said that to her already. Her last scene w/ Red has this vibe to it.

The fact that Agnes is part of this park scene is no coincidence, imo. Red is not comfortable w/ playing Liz’s dad. If he were, he wouldn’t have denied being her dad when she asked him in S1 (since wearing Reddington’s identity provides the wiggle room here), he wouldn’t have winced and cringed every time she referred to him as “father” in S5, and he wouldn’t have had the same reaction at the end of 620, either. He doesn’t embrace it, he doesn’t like it, he just endures it. There was a (sadly discarded) line back in S1/S2 about how he would be willing to play any role she wanted him to play but I believe something has changed since then. Even back in 102, he enthusiastically offers her the role of girlfriend and when she refuses, he flatly tells her that she can play daughter then. The preference on his part seems consistent but it will always be up to Liz to give the green light. Or the red one.

He wants to be a father to Agnes and he’s already confessed it in 319 (“I would give anything to be a part of that child's life... hold her... watch her grow.”). And the only time during the park scene when we can see the cold tension melt off him is when he sees the little girl. And when he hears Liz’s decision to bring Agnes home, his stony demeanor crumbles completely.

This is also where another part of that quote from James mentioned above seeps into the dialog: when Red remarks that Liz’s code is not a code but a greeting card -- confused, self-deceiving bullshit (just like Teddy called his code part of a charade designed to hide the scary truth). They are still not being honest w/ each other, they don’t look each other in the eye, they are still dancing around the actual truth at the core of their relationship. Red is deeply hurt, all his hopes seemingly dashed, which drives him to clam up even more and detach to mitigate the pain. He can’t kill but he can try and kill his true feelings for her, I suppose. And Liz is still afraid to face what it is exactly that fuels his intimate commitment to her, so she draws a line in the sand, declaring it permanent. But...

“You know the problem with drawing lines in the sand? With a breath of air, they disappear.”

James stated -- while talking about TBL -- that he’s not interested in material that doesn’t have a romantic/sexual aspect to explore. He also said that he is fascinated by Red and Liz’s relationship, that Red’s feelings for her are strong, complex, and complicated, and that neither is sure of the true nature of their relationship.

so bottom line (to quote Ressler who’s fast becoming the only voice of reason now that Dembe left): Red locked in the surrogate parent role just bc he wears Reddington’s identity for a different, still mostly unknown purpose -- is it the truth? does it make sense that this is the answer?

nope.

And I think it’s interesting that Cooper was designated as a “spokesperson” when he is in the dark about what happened between Red and Liz: the one who is mostly in the dark speaks about a family bond but his assessment (of love, faith, commitment) could easily pass for a wedding vow, too. It’s nothing but fitting, imo.

This latest fallout created a huge fracture in the Red/Liz relationship and I don’t expect them to repair it in the 2 episodes we have left this season. But Agnes is back and I think she will be the glue for these two idiots in the long run, allowing them to slip into a family rhythm that could potentially coax some buried feelings to the surface -- feelings both are trying to ignore at the moment.

[novantinuum]

jen’s doctor who s11 review

On the whole!

I really enjoyed series 11 for its nice change in pace and especially the relationship built up between Graham and Ryan. I really liked how many of the episodes were lighter and kinda more adventure-y in nature than in past, instead of constant “the world is gonna end” danger. Like I love those kinds of episodes, believe me, but the lighter tone is very welcomed after many series of heart wrenching angst ahahahah! 

I loved how they handled the historical episodes this series, and really dug into the truth of human condition within those time periods, and took risks there. I actually learned a lot about the time periods they visited- for example, I never really heard much about the Pakistan partition in school. 

Thirteen is precious and I want to hug her. She’s so full of hope and that makes me so happy! :DDD I love how she’s a sciency tinkerer and likes cobbling stuff together out of whatever loose ends she can find. I’m still waiting for her to snap, though- maybe that’s just me as an angst lord talking, but I want to see her super super angry. The scene in The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos with her sternly disagreeing with Graham was very good though. But anyways, I love her positivity and her quirky alien charm, and her character feels like a natural progression of where the Doctor left off at the end of Twice Upon a Time. The Doctor has gone through a lot of healing since the Time War, a lot of self reflection and forgiving themself, and Thirteen is absolutely a product of that and it shows. It’s so nice to see them back on their feet, unshackled by that guilt finally, just wandering about the universe like they always did. 

Yasmin is so sweet and so loyal, and h o h boy if there’s anyone I can see sticking with the Doctor until the bitter end out of this crew it’s her. (*nervous laughter*) Out of all the crew she’s the one who’s had the least development though, so I’m looking forward to seeing where she goes as a character moving forward. Also, I hope we see her family more, I like them! Maybe in the New Years special, we’ll see. I’ve absolutely hit the “ADOPT KID” button on Ryan, the more I think about him the more I love him- just, all this time he’s been looking for belonging, for people who aren’t gonna leave him behind like his dad, and he had that with his nan Grace- but he didn’t know if Graham was gonna be the same or if he was only there for him bc of association with Grace. But now through all these adventures through space and time he has absolute proof that Graham will be there for him, and so he’s made the conscious decision to make Graham his family. And Graham, hhh... his grieving throughout the series, while not acting as a shadow on it, was always woven through and it’s nice to see both him and Ryan actually make peace with things through seeing Tim Shaw again and giving him his humble pie. 

In the end when it comes to this series, I love the strong found family vibes it gives. Graham and Ryan and Yaz, they all knew each other in some way before, but they didn’t truly know each other. And through being thrown together with the Doctor, entering her wild adventurous life, they got to grow closer as friends, but more importantly, as a family. The whole series the Doctor was looking for a word to describe her little ragtag group, and she wasn’t exactly sure if “fam” was the right one, but in the end it’s what she settles on because this has become a family. 

Now, what I’m hoping to see more of in the future! 

1) I’d love to see more extended domestic-y TARDIS scenes! We’ve got a lot of pre/post endcap TARDIS scenes, but I’d love to see more small little convos between characters on the way to their destinations, in between, etc. For as long as these episodes were I feel like so much time was spent providing exposition and story for the plot, but I’d love to see more fun nonsense. More glimpses at what they get up to in between, if that makes any sense. (As an example of what I mean, we got a bit of this in The Tsuranga Conundrum, at the very beginning when they were just poking about a junkyard planet, and I quite liked that.)

2) As the characters keep developing I’d love to see more conflict arise between them to test their friendships. We saw some good moments of this with the Doctor telling Ryan to stay behind with Hanne in It Takes You Away after he made a kinda narrow-minded comment about her disability, and when the Doctor flat out told Graham that if he killed Tim Shaw he wouldn’t be traveling with her anymore in the finale. I’d love to see more of this.

3) This may just be because I’m really queer, but I want the Doctor to snap and yell and get really angry at something. That’s the ONE thing that felt entirely missing from this series. In the end I get the sense that this Doctor has a far greater reign on her emotions and self because she’s healed quite a bit, but I still know she’s capable of that righteous anger and I’d love to see Jodie show off her full range with a scene like that.

4) We’ll probably get this in the New Years special, but I’m super anticipating Thirteen facing the Daleks. This is a quintessential thing for every Doctor, in my opinion, and I can’t wait for when they (hopefully!) eventually do that.

5) More of a plot arc. I definitely know the lack of a tight plot arc was because they wanted it to be more accessible for people to just tune in and watch without context,, as they’re gaining some new fans, but I hope that there’s more of a return to an ongoing series plot arc with this next series since everything’s been established. I personally really like those, because I get to be a plot arc detective! I will say that I’m very pleased that Tim Shaw was brought back for the finale, though- that acted as a very nice bookend and helped tie up all the emotional threads.

6) Also not exactly anything I can fault this series for, because I can tell one of the points/themes of it was “not everything is what it seems on the surface” and “sometimes the real monsters,,, are humanity” and I very much respect that, but I do wanna see some more just... alien baddies who ARE baddies and not misunderstood. Listen,, I’m a simple minded person. Love me some monsters! 

My rankings! 

For context, I’m generally very easy with my ratings. I’m not rating them on how critically perfect they are as plots or anything, this is purely based on how much I enjoyed them. I’ve only actually rated nine episodes of Doctor Who 2005-present with scores of 6 or below.

10- Absolutely SUPERB  9- Excellent! 8- Great! 7- Good 6- Okay

1) Demons of the Punjab    (10) This ep made me cry more than any episode of Doctor Who has in a very long time. Incredibly poignant, stunning music and cinematography. Taught me a whole lot I never knew about the partition and how it affected everyday people. I liked how the Doctor assumed the whole time that these aliens were  A good Yaz centric ep, too. It ranks 7th in my list of all-time favorites.  

2) It Takes You Away   (9.5) Wowee, another very poignant one! Some FANTASTIC acting from Jodie in this ep, and a very trippy concept with the sentient universe. Loved getting to see each companion getting a good role to play. ALSO CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I STAN THAT FROG??? AND THE DOCTOR SEDUCING AN ENTIRE UNIVERSE???? B R U H. Hanne’s actress did a wonderful job too! 

3) Kerblam!   (9) What a heckin fun episode! This one will definitely become one of my comfort eps, I can already tell. The secondary characters were all lovely, and the bots were delightfully unsettling too! I spent the whole thing going “wow I totally experienced this working at Amazon” and I thought that was pretty funny. Also, I might highlight all the wonderful Graham snark we got in this one. 

4) Rosa    (9) Gahhh this was a hard one to watch, but very truthful in its depiction of the time period, and a lovely tribute to an incredibly courageous woman. Shout out to how the ep forced Graham to recognize and accept his white privilege (and the Doctor too for that matter), the scene with Ryan and Yaz discussing racism they’ve had to endure, and also for the scene with the Doctor making jokes about Banksy. That made me laugh. “Banksy doesn’t have one of these! Or do I?”

5) The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos    (9) I was VERY glad to see Tim Shaw return for some finished business, and how it allowed Graham and Ryan to finally get a bit of peace for what happened to Grace because of him. This was a solid ep, with some SOLID character moments between Graham and the Doctor and Graham and Ryan. The Ux were interesting, too.

6) The Woman Who Fell to Earth    (8.5) Solid, fun episode. It wastes no time in setting up who Thirteen will be. Still one of my favorite scenes in this whole series so far is when she builds her own sonic screwdriver- GOD the music there is so damn iconic. And gahhh I love Grace so much. How dare they make me love a character so much and then let her die? Rude. That’s homophobia. XD

7) The Witchfinders   (8.5) The Doctor gets dunked in water and has soaked hair. Dare I say more? No, but I was glad to see an ep with an alien danger that actually IS an alien danger that seeks to destroy and conquer, I always love those- and this one, with weird sentient mud that can fill corpses, was delightfully grim. Willow was a great secondary character, too- loved her especially. 8) The Ghost Monument   (8) Okay so I really loved how slice-of-life this episode was? We actually got to know our secondary characters Angstrom and Epzo and I appreciated that. The bit with the Doctor thinking the TARDIS was gone forever at the end... hhhhhhng... that was such a good scene. You could just see the hope drained from her face, and then to see it all rush back as she finally found her?? W o w I’m so emo, y’all ;D;

9) The Tsuranga Conundrum  (7) So I enjoyed this one, but there were some kinda oddly phrased bits of dialogue in it that marks it down for me. The Pting is a delightfully weird and cursed creature, 10/10, would yeet out of a spacecraft. I already mentioned this, but I LOVE the scene in the junkyard and how slice-of-life it was. I also appreciate how someone called out the Doctor on being selfish during this. 10) Arachnids in the UK   (6.5) So this episode was riding right on the edge of “ehh” for me, but it still has some great moments in it, with the Doctor awkwardly interacting with Yasmin’s family and all those heckin spiders bee-boppin down the hallways to the tune of rap music. XD I can’t exactly pick out why it was an “eh” for me, but it just didn’t click. Maybe I was just hoping it’d be an alien thing and was kinda left wanting with the way the episode felt kinda... unfinished. Like, there’s still a bunch of giant spiders? They didn’t solve that. They just- trapped them and left. I dunno I was left wanting with this ep.

[musubiki]

Speaking of Lyra>>> Do you have any headcannons for her? Do you support SoulSilvershipping? Because personally they're also one of my faves (but obviously after Conflicting)

yes and yes!!!! though i dont have as many. hgss was my first game so it holds a special place in my

➞

edit: i lied. im giving lyra thiccorite as her starter i just started playing again and its the cutest lil shithead pokemon. silver can have the angry honey badger 

lyra is the cutest and happiest protag!!! shes always very excited and very brave!!! takes no shit from rocket and beats their asses with a smile 10/10!!!! (sometimes she listens to music and dances while kicking ass shes a huge dork)

also very honest!!!! but a troll lowkey. when she was asked to describe the pokemon thief she gave some weird ass desc. ever seen tangled? she did that to silver. he sees his wanted poster and jus “okay now shes just mean.”

silver is actually. grateful to her. for not turning him in. OFC HE AINT GONNA SAY SHIT LIKE THAT LMAO but he kind of..respects her for it..lowkey..over time their battles become less emotionally traumatizing (blame silver) and more friendly and actually kinda fun

(i actually dont have too much for them bc i havent played the game in a while but. these are some i do know)

when prof oak gives her the pokedex hes…..doubtful…like shes so excited and distracted hes sittin there like “….i wonder if she’ll even remember….she has a pokedex…” but shes the one prof elm chose so. he gotta trust him. hesnjkds sitting in his lab like “if only leaf and green were still up to it [tears]”

(btw green and leaf did finish the kanto pokedex. neither of them filled their own up, but together they managed to get every pokemon. it was thanks to leaf they managed to get mew and mewtwo which brought prof oaks research to a new level)

Lyra is a HAMMER at the pokethon. shes like a gold medalist. second best athlete out of all the protags(right behind white)

she only uses cute pokemonhdfhj but somehow still wins. silver is always confused because she literally has all these fucking adorable pokemon and then. kicks everyones ass. rocket both hates and loves her

this being because. shes super cute. im pretty sure like half the grunts have a crush on her 

her and silver probably. start to become more of friends when they first do the pokeathon together. she actually finds him really interesting and is curious about his mysterious backstory™

all the gym leaders like her shes pretty beloved by most!!! except for green. 

green is SO IRRITATED by her LMFAOOOOOOO when she first challenged him he was like “Hah, okay, easy. Small team for a small girl you’re going DOWN” and SHE KICKS. HIS ASS. 

he strongly underestimated her and he put up a good fight but. usually no one can beat him so hes fuckindfjk SHOCKED

HES MORE IRRITATED BC SHE KEEPS CALLING HIM FOR A REMATCH FHDFKBF HE HATES HER I SWEAR..,.,.he makes up shit excuses to not meet her bc eh fucjnfdkhf hates losing his pride is at stake here.,.,. “GO FIGHT SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!” “But youre the 8th gym leader!!!!!!”

lyra. highkey. teases green about his “one true love” i swear to god like. green puts up w her but its so reluctant. once she snatched the photo reel of him and leaf he always keeps with him and she just “ooOOOOO YOUR GIRLFRIEND????? GREEN OAK HAS A GIRLFRIEND?????????????” AND HE BLUSHED SO HARD AND SNATCHED IT FROM HER “GIVE THAT BACK YOU LITTLE BRAT HOLY FUCK….” she teases him forever.

i actually love the scene from this when shes pestering him “WHAT WAS THE KANTO CHAMPION LIKE??!?!?!?!” all excited and green just. all bitter and irritated hes jus flashbacks to how leaf just left and he still hasn’t heard from her and just “She was a real jerk man.” and lyra just “Oh.”

when she finally meets leaf shes. SHOCKED. THAT GREENS “GIRLFRIEND” AND THE KANTO CHAMP ARE THE SAME PERSON. SHE LOOKS AND GREEN AND HES BEHIND LEAF MAKING THAT LIKE CUT THROAT PANICKED MOTION LIKE “(please don’t say anything PLEASE DONT SAY ANYTHING)”

she doesnt say anything lojinhjhdf shes not that mean but!! shes been looking for leaf for months and waiting to challenge her so shes excited!!! and leafs also kinda excited bc she hasn’t had a good fight in a while. ofc leaf wins and lyra is “???!?!?!?!??” she was so confident. Pom destroyed her entire team

you got ways to go kiddo

so post hgss..i think…,.,.after silver apologizes for stealing the pokemon he kind of. ends up helping prof elm. like he goes to catch pokemon for his research and whatever else he needs. and he also trains under the dragon master to learn how to actually be strong. and lyra is really proud of him. 

they end up becoming really good friends and silver. develops a crush on her throughout the journey RIP. i think ethan lowkey also has a crush on her so thEY DONT GET ALONG they hate each other in silence. im pretty sure lance ends up liking her too so she has. the most suitors out of any protag so silver is a l w a y s jealous hes struggling not to show itjfdkfj its dumb,.,.

[bthump]

Guts is different from Griffith. Guts fights the beast in him every day and desperately tries to separate the beast from himself. Griffith, on the other hand, embraces femto and became one with him, even though Guts had harder life than Griffith. That's why people respect Guts more.

tbh I agree that this is part of why people respond more positively to Guts and negatively to Griffith. Griffith’s narrative ended in succumbing to despair and becoming a monster, while Guts’ nickname is “struggler” lol. People absolutely respond more positively to a narrative about fighting and persisting against all odds than a narrative about losing everything and essentially selling your soul because you feel like you’re out of options.

However, that said, I think this misses a few important points.

Like for one, to describe Griffith as embracing Femto while Guts resists the Beast of Darkness is kind of, well, loaded and not entirely correct. Griffith didn’t embrace Femto, he embraced his dream and the guilt it caused and seized the one chance he had to make tens of thousands of deaths that weigh on him meaningful.

Like, one thing I love about Griffith’s narrative is that his motivation - to ensure that thousands of people didn’t die for nothing - is heroic. In most stories that would be considered noble. Berserk twists that, because Miura likes to play with morality this way. Griffith’s noble, quite respectable goal, and his relatable and sympathetic emotional motivation (guilt) are what lead him to darkness.

Miura isn’t showing us a character who cheerfully embraces his own inner darkness, he’s showing us a character who becomes a demon ironically because of his desire to be a good person. What ultimately convinces him to make the sacrifice isn’t the promise of power, or rejuvination - it’s to ensure that so many people didn’t die for no reason.

Griffith and Guts’ narratives are different. They exist to pose different questions about what it means to be evil/human/good. But they aren’t comparable on a characterization level.

Guts hasn’t had a moment of pure despair where he’s given a choice to live out his life wholly dependant on others, mute and helpless, wracked with irreconcilable guilt and about to lose the last thing that matters to him, or sacrifice people for the sake of a goal they, among thousands of others, chose to die for, to make those deaths meaningful.

Instead, Guts has a sinister jiminy cricket telling him to murder and rape people. And Griffith doesn’t have a particularly vocal and belligerent hawk taunting him, he has a moment of despair, ordained by causality, orchestrated by the Idea of Evil for the sole purpose of having him choose to make the sacrifice.

Guts and Griffith are different people, but Guts is not inherently better or more moral than Griffith. Griffith frets about killing people for his dream, Guts tells him murder is nbd. Griffith prioritizes Guts over his dream several times before that final moment of pure despair during the Eclipse, and Guts prioritizes revenge over Casca several times before finally giving up on revenge after NeoGriffith blows him off. Griffith prostitutes himself to a pedophile at a young age to prevent as many deaths in the line of duty as he can, while Guts doesn’t really give a fuck about people dying unless he personally knows and cares about them (or if they’re children). Guts describes his dream to Casca as “I just did my own thing,” while Griffith describes his dream to Casca as, “for the sake of the dead… if there’s something I can do… that thing is to win.”

Ultimately, Griffith’s narrative illustrates a man succumbing to evil in the pursuit of good, while Guts’ narrative illustrates a man struggling to balance the good and evil within himself. The only relevant personality difference between them is that Griffith is driven towards a goal by guilt, essentially living for the dead, and Guts is living for himself and the people he personally cares about.

And to address another of your points, Guts has not had a harder life than Griffith. Maybe he’s had a harder childhood - we don’t see much of Griffith’s but it’s a fairly safe assumption - but after killing Gambino?

The narrative takes the position that during the Golden Age, Guts actually had it fairly easy compared to Griffith. Guts’ years with the Hawks are his happy place. Griffith on the other hand had a huge emotional burden on his shoulders, his guilt caused him to self harm, he had the aforementioned encounter with a pedophile bc he was driven by guilt, he had to hone himself to his limits to achieve his goal. Constantly dealing with nobles, constantly fighting at the head of his army, figuring out battle plans, carrying out assassinations that added to his guilt, maintaining an immaculate image of himself, and emotionally closed to everyone except, rarely, Guts. I mean like, the stakes of the climactic battle of the Golden Age is the risk of Griffith being captured as a sex slave lol, and he not only knows it, he incorporates it into his battle plan, like, dude is under a lot of pressure.

And of course, that’s nothing compared to a year of constant torture. Even after the Eclipse, Guts has never experienced anything on that level. Griffith was only barely sane at the end of it, totally physically helpless, mute, he’d lost everything he valued including, he thought at the end, Guts. He tried to kill himself right before the behelit opened.

Like, sorry, Guts has had a hard life, but it doesn’t compare to Griffith’s year of hell. Especially considering that, post-Eclipse, Guts had the option to bow out any time and live in relative peace and comfort with Rickert and Erika (which everyone and their dog points out to him), and now has the option to hang out in peace and comfort in Elfhelm that he probably also won’t take.

Idk basically this is a long way of saying that yeah, thanks to the thematic purposes of their narratives Griffith’s is about succumbing to evil in pursuit of good and Guts’ is about trying to find a balance between good and evil, and at a shallow glance that makes Guts look more respectable than Griffith, but that doesn’t actually reflect on their personalities, their morals, or their personal struggles.

[galimatios]

fear thy fortune chatlog notes

thinking abt the underdeveloped au i have in that weird off color fantasy universe that i realized is probably similar in ways to bloodborne even before i knew abt bloodbornes plot but this is nice bc i can solidify parts of it and i can probably also combine it with the knights au i have

OK I FORGOT TO PUT A CW HERE BUT CW FOR ABUSE MENT AND GORE MENT

somewhere located in present day west asia slash east europe theres a country divided into numerous states in which princes and princesses (princex (poc)/princen/etc for gender neutral options) are perpetually in contest with eachother for the right to be the divine ruler of the country

monarchy is not guided by blood, rather the church is responsible for finding the chosen candidates via prophecy, fururesight, dream interpretation, etc, and these kids are taken from their homes and reared as royalty the nature of this country is ... severe. pain is a gift, proof that one is alive. much ceremony is based in sacrifice, bloodspill, bloodsports, and pain endurance. magic as practiced by the church is extremely powerful in terms of healing so almost all wounds can be healed provided the heart still beats its essentially one big huge freakish cult of a country that has customs that seem barbaric to outsiders

the divine ruler of each state is the princens, though more often than not their councils do most of the governing with the princen merely being a puppet figurehead. they go through rigorous training to sharpen their minds and endurance against all types of pain, so training includes physical, mental, emotional trials in which the princen is supposed to keep a clear mind, concentrate on mediation or some mantra, bearing whatever is thrown at them. additionally they receive the best training in both combat and politics as well as magic. not all princen can withstand the requirements ofc so they.. vary quite a bit in terms of stability/constitution. its a p sick system even without the knights added in bc thats super messed up

the knights essentially belong to their princens in heart body mind and soul, and each princen receives exactly one knight soulbound to them. they also undergo the same scouting process once the princen is identified, and they undergo similar training except theyre also essentially brainwashed into believing their entire purpose in life is to serve and protect their princen no matter what. obviously this aint healthy! knights delude themselves into it so hard theyll fight for the system that literally abuses them! but thats how cults work

that being said knights are extremely powerful. they act as the sole bodyguard of their princen and believe me you dont want to get inbetween a knight and their prince. they are known especially for their brutality when their lords are threatened. it is extremely common for limbs to be lost in skirmishes btwn assailants and a knight

this takes us to the games! which are essentially gladiator coliseum type bloodsport contests between knights of different princens. its a pretty big affair like how the Olympics are for us so the fanfare the cheering the everything is all there i prob dont need to describe it in detail but its very violent. its considered practice for the knights before the true battle-royale type event thats even BIGGER bc it determines who becomes god-king of the country. this time the princen join their knights in the battlefield and basically whoever is left standing is the new king

is it worth it? probably not bc i think being king actually means being killed to be sent up to the heavens bc god kings dont need bodies any longer in truth the entire debacle is a distraction set up by the church to keep the country under its own control. its super corrupt. the council behind every princen is actually made up of high ranking church members that convene regularly to manipulate the politics of the region

but thats mostly the governing sphere of this world. the commonfolk are removed from most of this violence aside from the indoctrination by the church and the messed up religion they practice. a lot of the belief system here relies on this concept of karma and fate over free will. fate is oppressive, cannot be changed, but god do they try that belief ties into how princen and knights are fated to be pairs, how princen are fated to either ascend to godhood or die trying

but there is one way to manipulate fates in this world there exists in independent of the church a monastery that practices the art of transferring karma. think of karma as a type of currency that can be spent, saved, used, etc. lots of good karma may be distributed amongst loved ones via a ritual headed by a monk, or bad karma can be "paid off" essentially. the amount of good/bad karma a person has directly affects their fortune and luck. this practice is more or less outlawed by the church but the monastery is slowly gaining power over the commonfolk and the church mostly leaves the poor folk to rot anyway- their agenda mostly concerns the monarchy

altho i can definitely see tensions rising with the witch hunting as influenced by the church. particularly nefarious visions may result in blame being thrown around and commoners getting killed for crimes they have yet to commit and thats thanks to the teachings of the church

anyway as of rn though the monastery is still pretty small but it is an old, ancient organization with magic that runs far deeper than the magic of the church. it is a much more subtle magic- monks practice little offensive magic (they are a nonviolent sort anyway) but the ability to exchange karma is rare and has far more reaching impact in the long run i imagine they have strongholds further to the east but anyway theres one trump card the monastic order has

a subsection of the order is dedicated to the keeping of miracles. and miracles are... monsters! they are semi-physical manifestations of literal suffering and the sheer emotional energy provided by them is enough to give miracles the power to.. well. perform miracles.

when a person dies in anguish, there is a chance that their bodies will not decompose the way they are meant to. instead they slowly dissipate, bodies turning coal black and ashen to the touch. these cannot be disposed of the normal way (curses, contamination, all kinds of horrible things happen) so instead these corpses get locked up inside brick cells within the monastery

once, one of these was opened only to reveal that the bodies were gone- only a humming, massive shadow that seemed to move as if made of flies or soot combined. and it spoke, too. this was the first miracle created it was discovered then that these creatures had immense power but could not leave the rooms they were imprisoned in, touch sunlight, and similarly they could not die

imagine like the witchs nightmares in pmmm and you get what its like to be a soul trapped in a miracle. u get to relive ur worst fears and regrets forever. it suck miracles also cannot direct their powers towards their own will, only the will of others. ofc they are still monsters and exact a price for their services, whatever it may be.

a meeting with a miracle does not come cheap or without consequence, bc although miracles can be performed, karma always rebalances itself in the end. monks tasked with guarding and curating the miracles are called gatekeepers and are often someone close to one of the souls trapped in the vortex anyway i think thats the basics of everything in there... i got an au w cyrus as a prince and alex as his knight and instead of sticking around for their inevitable deaths the pair run off into the countryside far far away

actually i think something went wrong in the ceremony. cyrus and alex win godkingship of then... something goes wrong. probably the whole die-to-ascend thing is a secret kept from the princen and the public and. alex does a thing a knight should not do a refuses to let the ceremony continue. and im p sure as soon as cyrus learns of the truth hes like haha well fuck that

then they spend the rest of their days actually experiencing what life is like outside of a freakish cult and my fucking feels

i think.. meanwhile the monastic order grows in influence and power making them the enemy of the church... and jonah (yonah in this au) sacrifices himself to the miracle containing his brother in order to give the miracle a corporal form. which means august and company now have a physical conduit for all that power they had.

bad news for the church! bc august was unrightfully killed bc of a prophecy saying that hed become a huge threat and a killer

funny how prophecies work!

so now hes out for blood and he probably uses his own charisma and power to stage a coup against the church and basically the country goes to hell and i think at this point cyrus thinks. i got out of there alive. i need to do something about this. so he and alex probably join in and become arbiters of the game esp since cyrus and alex were probably the best synced, most skilled prince/knight duo the church had seen up to that date so theyre very powerful. ofc theyre still only two people so i really wonder how theyll step in btwn these two opposing parties

augusts side isnt good either bc august... is only out for revenge and self interest. he has no interest in fixing the country or helping anyone in fact once august is firmly seated on the throne of power he probably declares himself god-king anyway the end game probably looks like augusts body (which is jonahs body) being destroyed and the miracle contained in it finally put to rest jonahs soul must have something to do with the exorcism process- theyve tried to exorcise miracles before and only ended up upsetting it into violent outbursts anyway thats enough rambling from me time to paste this all into a blog post

god what if august picked keith to be his knight. thats messed up. keiths so easy to manipulate and hed be such a wildcard of a knight. he has more magic potential than alex and hes faster on his feet. im imagining bloodlust frenzy almost hyena-like behavior. also i mostly just want to see keith being violent and evil and i have an outfit in mind that would look great with a little splash of red

think like minimalistic ouji but like all black and keith with knives and serving a clearly twisted (even more than usual bc of the miracle’s influence) august

god even better the aftermath of augusts death TIME FOR THE FUCKING FEELS TO KICK IN BC now Keith has no purpose/he FAILED to protect his king WHICH WAS HIS ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE then alex coming in with cy and just no, you have inherent worth. what happened wasn't right im upset this is how alex and keith become family in this au

miracles i think in this case are definitely more of a means to an end i think narratively ie jonahs brother being killed and augusts soul being trapped within it- tho i think its a good tie-in into how the severe paranoid cultish way the society works ends up producing a lot of People Dying In Extreme Anguish

almost a buildup of sickness so to say.. a plague of the soul that's a cool avenue to go down tbh the idea that miracles are more like viruses spreading misfortune in the long run for some quick gain in this life but bc karma always collects her debts if i throw in some nice reincarnation that would effectively damn someone in their next life... that implies that this story may need to expand across different generations

mechanics being so much bullshit has happened in this country it houses multiple miracles whereas elsewhere its like one, or none, very few in their histories except possibly during wartime and famine

since magic is Exists in this it makes sense that the emotional energy combined w ambient energy would manifest in some kind of grotesque Being

oh no thats maybe why the church is manipulating things by purposely generating that emotional trauma in its society its producing unprecedented amounts of energy they can utilize as magic power oh  no thats super bad august would definitely take advantage of that bc hed definitely figure the truth out once hes back to being alive

im upset bc i think they use princens and knights to specifically create emotional energy

energy released upon death which typically happens after a knight/prince duo has been chosen... then the resulting STRONG ass char plague on their bodies are collected to make artifacts? yes

gems created from the ashen plague are embedded into a huge mandala that actually ... is the god-king itself