#itoshi comfort

[sanb3rry]

Hi! I would like to order where nagi,isagi,rin and sae react to your period ? 😭😭💗💗

pairings : nagi seishiro x f!reader, rin itoshi x f!reader, sae itoshi x f!reader, isagi yoichi x f!reader

summary: how the boys would react when you're on your period

as cliche as it sounds nagi is definitely the type of boyfriend to just be with you.

you feel really shitty right now cause of your period? no problem nagi's gonna help you feel better! he's already clingy so this is just a plus for him.

he'd take naps with you and if you don't really feel like sleeping, he'd cuddle and play video games with you.

all in all, he just wants to be with you and make you feel better as much as he can.

rin would probably not know what to do, he'd try his best to help you however he can.

he'd get you whatever you need. chocolates, blankets, a cold drink, you name it and he'll get it for you.

he's probably stressing out cause he doesn't like seeing you in pain, but he calms down and does whatever he can to help.

if you have any work or errands, he'll try and do most of them so you can rest.

sae is similar to rin, i mean they are brothers so it makes sense, but unlike rin he probably knows what to do, and isn't as stressed.

he probably has a cabinet with stuff just for when you're on your period in his apartment. he's like mary poppins, lolol.

he has whatever you need. you need tampons? he has it. you need heating pads? he has it. you have a craving for a specific food? he'd go get it for you.

if you have cramps, he'll take you to bed bridal style and sleep with you.

isagi is an absolute sweetie about it.

he'll keep reassuring you that you're gonna be okay if your cramps hurt really bad.

probably the type to do everything for you, even when it comes to eating, lool.

he'll try and feed you but you always tell him you're capable of feeding yourself.

you two would probably cuddle on the couch and watch movies.

© sanb3rry2023

[yuzurins]

# circles

in which: sae’s tired of running around in circles with an undefined relationship, so he decides to take his chance when he can to make you his.

warnings: kind of unorganized, mentions of alcohol, intoxicated reader, insecure reader, mutual pining, just a bunch of comfort and fluff, honestly strayed from the original prompt t-t

reblogs and interactions are appreciated!

itoshi sae is a busy man.

being the most sought for japanese football player and as well as a regular on the real matrid team meant he was always doing something football related. practices, games, events, you name it.

his schedule is packed with plans set months before they happen. companies and teams always request to see him sooner, but he makes no exceptions for anyone, not even his own family.

well, that goes for anyone but you.

itoshi sae has found himself breaking his own ideals without any hesitation. he‘s standing in front of your apartment, 5 hours, 27 minutes and 54 seconds before his flight back to spain, after an obviously drunk text you sent him 10 minutes ago.

1:22AM

y/n: saweewea

y/n: did u knwo a broken heart hurts REAL bad😍

sae: what

y/n: i think i’m goign to crush my cat with my body weight

y/n: u fg hhh hj jgjjgjhhhrkdoforjfof

sae: where are you rn

y/n: ogm r ru gonna come visit me 😎😜🥺

y/n: i’m soooerirjf lonely

sae: .

sae: be there in 5

sae doesn’t know whether to ring the doorbell or call you to let you know he’s here. heck, he’s not even sure whether you’re at home or not, but he does know that it’s not often you go out to drink. as he’s hesitating, you hastily open the door, almost like you could sense him there.

“sae!” you slur, just barely avoiding stumbling over yourself as you straighten up. “i didn’t expect you to actually come visit me.”

“neither did i.” he scoffs as he takes in your current state: graphic anime tee (which he gave you last christmas), sweatpants, messy tangled bun and your face is entirely red. you reek of soju and he knows better than anyone you’re a lightweight, so sae mentally prepares once more for what he’s about to get himself into.

the response from the magenta haired in front of you causes a pout to form on your face. he’s not quite sure if it’s just his imagination or not, but it looks like you’re more down, more tired than usual.

“are you okay?” he asks, and this prompts you to stretch your arms out, almost habitually, and wrap them around the taller male’s torso.

sae flinches ever so slightly at your touch. he gently pushes you back into the apartment as he closes the door, all while having one arm wrapped around your waist.

it’s obvious you’re not in the right mind space, but as everyone says, drunk words are sober thoughts, though sae doesn’t know whether that’s good or bad. you getting blackout drunk as a result of academic stress has become a monthly occurrence now, and it always ends up with sae coming over to babysit you. he’s more than aware of the fact that you’re taking his presence for granted, yet despite that, he’s still always there for you.

you’re obviously more than just friends, so why does sae feel like the line separating friendship and relationship just keeps getting thicker?

you latch onto him like a koala as he shuffles over to your couch. he doesn’t force anything out of you, doesn’t show any impatience, and just waits for you to talk.

the two of you quietly bask in the comfort of each other’s arms for a long time. just as sae begins to loosen his hold on you believing you’ve drifted off, you cling onto him even tighter, refusing to let go of his warmth.

“don’t go.” you mumble into his hoodie, voice quivering, and sae wonders if it really is school stress that’s made you this way.

humming in response, he pats your back lightly as if he’s caring for a baby, trailing his hand up to your head to play with your hair.

sae doesn’t want to pry, but there’s something he really needs to confirm before it eats his thoughts up even more.

“i won’t leave,” he reassures. “did anything happen?”

a sound comes out of your mouth in response, barely louder than a whisper. sae turns his head to look at you and you take it as a request for you to repeat your words. you try again, and this time, you’re still mumbling, but it’s enough for him to make out what you want to convey.

“i’m sorry.” and a tear falls from your eyes, “i’m sorry, sae.”

now sae’s been in this position for countless times, always coming to be your personal therapist at unearthly hours in the night, but this is the first time he’s ever seen you act so vulnerable. he can feel your body trembling against him and his heart aches just seeing you so dejected.

but he’s not dense enough to not realize what you’re apologizing for, because it’s the same reason as to why he decided to ask in the first place. he gently removes his arms off your waist, turns you to face him and moves his hand up to wipe the tears streaming down your cheek.

this tender, silent exchange between the two of you is more than any amount of words that express. sae’s usually indifferent eyes are laced with affection, and you just can’t help but feel so guilty because of that.

“i know you’re really busy,” you avert your eyes, biting on your bottom lip to stop yourself from breaking again. “you’re always doing so much for me, and i feel so terrible because i don’t deserve any of it.”

sae doesn’t say anything, letting you finish your thoughts before stating his.

“i was watching one of your games earlier, and i was reminded of the fact that your world and mine are so far apart.” you’re still looking away, but a soft nudge from sae’s hand pushes you back to look at him. “i just—i feel like i’m not enough for you, sae.”

through watered eyes, you can catch the expression of the male in front of you waver, and with years of knowing him, you’ve mastered the ability to be able to tell what emotions are going off in his mind.

“i know it sounds silly—“

“it’s not silly.” he interrupts, despite being patient all this time, but struggles to find the right words to continue. “is this what you’ve been feeling since back then?”

you shake your head, and lean forward to rest it on his shoulder. “the internet is scary.”

sae lets out a soft chuckle at your unintentional joke, and moves his head to rest it on the side of yours. “but what only matters is that i’m here in front of you right now, yeah?”

“it’s true that i’m busy, but i’ll always be your anchor of support whenever you need it, seriously.” his fingers find their way to intertwine with yours, and your heart flutters at how romantic he’s being. “so don’t cry sweetheart, because you’re breaking my heart as well.”

the use of the pet name makes you giggle, it being so out of character for sae, yet that’s how you know he really means it, from the bottom of his heart. hearing the sound of your laughter allows sae to relax his shoulder from all the tension he unknowingly had been feeling, and he cups your cheek with his palm, bringing you face-to-face with the taller male.

his eyes study your features, taking in your beauty, before going back to make eye contact with you. though you notice how they flicker down to your lips and hover there for a split second longer than anything else, your heart thumping loudly at the realization of what he’s asking of you.

you flash him a small smile in response as approval, and sae wastes no time closing the distance between you two. his touch is soft, almost like he’s afraid of breaking you, and easily washes away all the worries clouding your mind.

sae droops his arms over your shoulders and rests his forehead against yours. “you were always and will be more than enough for me, y/n.”

his sweet words bring a red flush to your face (not from alcohol this time) and you purse your lips in embarrassment as sae’s grin only gets bigger.

“so just hurry up and be mine already.”

BONUS: the morning after

you wake up with a pounding headache, and immediately try to get up to get a drink of water, but your body doesn’t budge at all.

as your eyes begin to adjust, you look down to find sae and his arms locked around you, causing a scoff to come out of your mouth.

of course you couldn’t move when a whole professional football player (incredibly fit btw😍) has a death grip on you.

“sae, wake up.” you nudge him and he only whines in response. “didn’t you have a flight to catch this morning?”

“mm, shush.” he takes one of his arms and lightly pushes you back down into his embrace. “who cares about that, been waiting for this for far too long.”

you laugh and decide to give in, slowly drifting back to sleep.

meanwhile, sae’s nonstop vibrating phone on your nightstand is totally unnoticed, the cause being hundreds of messages and calls from his manager wondering where he is.

[lunaviee]

can i request where reader cant go to their match and they got angry which makes them say the word "i shouldve invite *ex's name*, she wouldve come." and reader reaction can be up to you! with rin and maybe chigiri? thank you so much and please stay hydrate! sending loves <33

OHHH MYYY GODDD ANONNN……..

the way i gasped so loud when i saw this OMGOMG

okay so, idk if you’re wanting PURE ANGST for this but like i’ll add fluff at the end anyway bc the more the merrier😇😁😁

OKAY SO UMM..i’m a procrastinator, it’s no secret. so uhh chigiris will be posted when i remember to work on it, sorry😭

“are you serious?” “you’re..kidding, right?”

chigiri hyoma and rin itoshi x reader (seperate) click here for chigiri’s

tags/warnings: angst to comfort, swearing, arguing, NOT PROOFREAD…

synopsis: if he’s so insistent on you being there to support him, why doesn’t he do the same?

a/n: i am SO SORRY this took so long </3 i got busy but this request is soo..chefs kiss i hope i did it justice😓

RIN ITOSHI—

the faint mumbles from the tv filled rin’s apartment as you made a quick snack to eat, knowing your boyfriend should be home any minute. you sat down on the couch to eat, turning the tv volume up as background noise while you looked out the window. it faced a gorgeous view of your city, along with a nice view of the sunset.

after some time, you were back in the kitchen to clean up a bit.

*click*

the jingling of keys indicated rin was home, a tad later that usual but you payed no mind to it.

“hey,” you smiled, “welcome home, how was practice?” arms wrapping around his neck as he set his bag down, taking his shoes off. his arm snaked around your waist to pull you closer to him, planting a kiss on your temple.

“eh, same as always. those lukewarm lunatics don’t know what they’re doing”

you hummed in response, rin pulling away from you to look you in the eye. he spoke again. “we have a game in a few days. you’re going, right?” it sounded more like a demand than a question.

“oh uh about that” you broke eye contact, a twinge of nervousness tainted your face. “i was given an extra shift at work so i’ll be swamped, i don’t think i’ll be able to make it, sorry”

his before softened gaze now pierced right through you, full of annoyance. “really? i thought you’d want to come to my games.” his arms left your torso and flopped to his side, lower back resting on the counter.

“i do! i always do..rin you know this, i go to your games when i can but lately i’ve just been more busy an-” you rambled.

he cut you off, “quit the excuses.”

“excuse me?” you replied, shocked at how his silver tongue was so quick to interrupt you.

“i get it. you’re busy. you don’t have to make up these half-baked excuses and try to make me feel better.” he moved from the counter, straightening his back and showing his full height, looking down on you as if you were less than him at that moment.

“excuses? rin, what the hell are you talking about? i’m being serious.” confusion swirled in your mind, what was up with him??

“you know, i never had these problems with *ex’s name*. she was always happy to come to my games. no excuses, no lies. every game, she was there. why can’t you be like that?” rin’s venom stained words singed into your brain, glints of annoyance pooled in his eyes. a twinge of guilt settled in his gut the minute those words spilled out of his mouth, but he payed no mind to it.

“what?” your eyes widened in disbelief, “are you fucking serious?”

how could he say that? sure, rin was petty and used bitter language when he was upset, but comparing you to his ex? that was a new low, even for him. after all of the crap you two talked about when mentioning both of your exes in the past, you’d assume he’d want absolutely nothing to do with her. right?

“why wouldn’t i be?” not once did his gaze leave your figure, was he serious? “she actually took my career seriously.”

you were beyond shocked, eyes narrowing as your brows knitted together. “invite her then.” you retorted. “maybe i will, maybe then i’ll have someone who actually supports me there.” he scoffed.

his words made your blood boil, eye twitching before you spoke again, “get out.” you gritted through your teeth, fingers fiddling with the hem of your (his) sweater as to not lose your cool.

“what?” he scoffed, not expecting such a response (he really should have, what was he thinking??)

“did i fucking stutter? or is your skull too thick to hear what i have to say. get. out.”

the strikers face further scrunched, yet not moving an inch. “this is my apartment. if you’re upset, then leave.” he brushed past you without a single regret as to what he had said, not entirely believing you’d actually leave, where else did you have to go?

“fine then.” you slipped your shoes on while dialing a number on your phone before slamming the door, leaving the rin to sit with his thoughts. you had much, much more to say, but the thought of having to stay in the same vicinity as you made your stomach churn.

who did you call? why, your best friend of course, who else would you trust with this information. sure, rin’s teammates weren’t bad people to open up to, but you needed someone who could understand your feelings through angry sobs and incoherent mumbles.

it was only a matter of time before you were sat on yours friends bed, angry tears burning your cheeks as you rambled on about how dumb your boyfriend was.

“break up with him” your friend mumbled, only half joking. “me personally, i wouldn’t stay with a man, nah, a BOY who brings up his ex when he’s mad..”

you lifted your head from the tear stained pillow to meet your friend’s gaze. “yeah but……ugh i hate when you’re right” your sentence ending with a laugh

“i’m kidding..kind of” she sneered “either way, screw him, ghost his ass until he comes crying at your doorstep”

“what??” you shot up from your position, now almost on top of your friend. she was faced you, a more serious expression painting her face

“seriously though, you shouldn’t have to deal with that shit [n/n], he has the be the one to apologize.” you nodded in response, good thing your friend had a bit more common sense than you did in that moment.

“yeah, you’re right, thanks”

“any time, now do you wanna stay here or are you good to go home?”

“i’ll stay here and bug you more”

“okay then” she laughed out, the two of you now laying on the bed on your backs, staring at the ceiling

• { time skip - two days later } •

the radio silence that came from rin was like torture, did he not care? not a single text or phone call, not even a message given from one of his teammates. it was hard to stay positive.

sure, he deserved the silent treatment, but he was your boyfriend. his company single-handedly made your days better. being separated because of a fight that he didn’t want to resolve was stupid.

your friend tried taking you out today to get your mind off of the situation. it was going well, up until you walked into your favorite cafe.

you were met with a face you were too familiar with. rin’s. his eyes widened in disbelief and he twitched, almost as if he was about to run after you. and so you and your friend took one good look at him and immediately left. if the argument was going to be resolved, it wasn’t going to be in a public cafe.

your friend pushed you by the shoulders as you both shuffled out of the doors, you pulling out your phone to find another place to go to at the same time.

“shit.” was the only thing that rin had managed to mutter out as he saw the two of you running away from the cafe. it’s not that he wanted to avoid you. it’s that he was ashamed. he was scared that nothing he would say would amount to enough of an apology for what he said.

rin was scared that this was the end of you two. his worst fears of losing the one person he knew loved and understood him were coming true and is was his fault. the past few days were filled with doubt and regret, his teammates even noticing his practices were depleting.

the rest of the day came and went, your friend dropped you off back at your apartment where you collapsed on the couch, left with your thoughts once again. you were about to just pass out on your couch and ditch work the next morning, like you have been for the past few days.

that was until you heard a frantic knock on your door, jolting you awake. your worried expression dropped to one of annoyance and bitterness; it was rin. but, he looked different. his usually blank expression was now one of exhaustion and hurt.

he’d been..crying?

your eyes widened in confusion, you opened your mouth to tell him to leave before he cut you off.

“i’m sorry” he blurted out

he was looking down to you, except it was much different than before. rin looked desperate, his eye contact only further confirmed it.

he reached his hand out to place it on your shoulder, hesitating. you opened the door to let him in, sitting on the edge of your couch next to each other.

“i’m so sorry [name].”

“i know.”

“it was stupid, you mean so much to me and i..i ruined it.”

“i know.”

“please, you don’t need to forgive me now i just…”

he paused. rin’s head moved to look at the ground.

“i just need to know you won’t leave me. you can ignore me for as long as you’d like and i’d understand. but just…please i need you back” he begged, small tears brimming at his eyes, what a rare sight to see.

silence fell between the two of you, but it wasn’t like the comfortable silences you’ve shared before. it was tense and awkward.

“okay” your voice was barely above a whisper, “i won’t leave you, i think we both know that” you say with a smile.

rin looked back up at you, eyes wide, full of hope and relief.

“but listen i…” the moonlight only further highlighted just how much the two of you had been crying

“it’s gonna take some time. that was really fucked up, you know that?”

“yeah..yeah i know. i’m sorry. you’re nothing like her i-”

“i know.”

the two of you were now looking at each other, faces flushed from crying and relief. the silence was comfortable again.

“let’s just..go to sleep, yeah? we can talk about it in the morning, i think we both could discuss better afterwards” you offered, leaning closer to the armrest of your couch as you were too tired to go to your bed

rin hummed back in response, laying on your chest as he wrapped his arms around your waist. your hands found their way to his hair, heartbeats practically synchronizing.

“you know..i’m still not going to your game” you whispered, peeking one eye open to watch your boyfriend. he smiled, “i know” a laugh spilled out of his mouth before you both fell asleep.

[itostea]

Apologies

When an argument spirals out of hand and you’re left to apologize.

TW/tags: none, angst with comfort, fluff, rin being the standard 

The house is quiet with only the wind rusting outside and the occasional chirping from the birds. The room is a bit dim, only saved from the fact that the sun is especially bright during this hour of the day. Even with the blinds still closed, a streak of sunlight peeks into the rooms.

The soft covers of the bed don’t feel that warm and your eyes sting from the lack of sleep. Your legs are cold and you think that you really should’ve dressed warmer last night. The house is uncomfortably quiet, a husk of its original form. Or maybe you’re just not used to not hearing the light breathing of your boyfriend when he sleeps. 

Your eyes drift to your lap and you sigh in defeat. Ah… I really messed up.

You haven’t seen him since last night: when your argument took place. You admit that you were being a bit too stubborn and insensitive to him, even when he was trying to help you resolve some of your own problems. Rin was awfully patient when it came to you–and his friends never failed to miss a chance to remind him of that. Even with his soft spot, last night was enough for him to tell you that he was going to stay at a friend’s house for a bit. You couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that settled in your stomach.

Pensively, you recall the memories you had with him and how you let the anger take over you yesterday. It’s enough to make you tear up in frustration, with your body shaking slightly in panic that he could break up with you at any time. The sheets beneath you crumple as you grip onto the fabric and reflect. 

Yet, you’re not given much time when you hear the sound of the front door opening and indistinguishable footsteps against the wooden floor. You make eye contact with him the moment his head peers through the door and your heart immediately skips a beat. Even though you didn’t want it, it was almost subconscious for you to turn your head to the side to avoid his eyes–with your brain yelling at you to not ignore him. 

It’s silent, well past the line of awkward. The words you want to say don’t spill from your lips as easily as you want them to and all you can do is avert your eyes. Your fingernails dig even deeper into the sheets when you hear him come closer. 

You think he’s going to chastise you, condemn you for being so stubborn and irrational the other night. After all, you’ve seen him do the same to some of his teammates and it scared you. Your brows furrow more as you can see how close he is from the corner of your eye and you brace yourself–prepare yourself to be hit by a slew of insults. 

Instead, you feel his hand gently ruffle your hair as he pats your head. Your reaction is startling quick, with your head snapping to look up at him with a wide-eyed look. His expression is nothing but calm as he continues to play with your hair. It feels as if time stood still at this very moment, with only your heartbeat acting as the tick of the clock and his hand an escape to reality.

“I won’t force you to apologize.”  

Your lips part in astonishment and you’re really lost now–left speechless at the endearing way he gazes at you. There’s a light in his eyes, an almost lovesick glimmer that he can try to mask but can’t. 

You want to whine in disapproval when he removes his hand from your head to begin to set out for the door. This time, not even your pride can hold you back as you rush to grab onto his shirt from the bed. “Wait…” you mumble and flit your eyes back to him, feeling your breath stolen away as you’re confronted with the raw affection that lingers in his eyes. “I’m…I’m sorry…” 

Your hold on his shirt tightens as you eagerly wait for his answer. Once again, you’re tackled with Rin’s unpredictable behavior when it comes to you–gasping lightly when he kneels down to cup your face so he sees you eye-to-eye. He smiles fondly and he grazes a finger over your lips. “That wasn’t so hard now, wasn’t it?”

A tear falls and a fountain washes over you. You’re really crying now, tears drizzling down the apples of your cheeks and sniffles escaping you. Your body lurches forward as you jump him to the ground, face nuzzling into his shoulders as you whisper apologies against him. Your tears fall in multitude with his affirmations of “I know” and “Don’t cry.”

His hand settles on the curve of your waist as the other draws little circles over the small of your back. He presses little kisses on your neck to calm you down as his heart jumps in his chest from how tightly you were holding onto him and what his lack of presence did to you. 

You sniffle, leaning up. “Rin, I love you.” 

He hums in acknowledgement, peering down at your face with a smile. “Love you too.”

[verysium]

『01』 到着: arrival

ft. rin itoshi, sae itoshi

summary: the forces of nature abide by a single law: all cataclysms are creators of their own collapse. in the wake of such destruction, rin tumbles his way down to earth, and along the staircase of heaven, a new star is born. cw: mild swearing, childhood nostalgia and growing pains, rin being embarrassing, social anxiety, sae being somewhat parental, sibling dynamics, kamakura and japanese culture, spanish lessons, very dense prose (cus i suck ass at dialogue), star analogies, orange peels and other fruit metaphors, fluff but bittersweet.

word count: 6.4k

series masterlist || next

The first word Rin learns is star.

It is spoon-fed to him in glittering globules of milk fat, dense and pooling around the gums. Stars are what he senses when rough hands slip around his torso, stuffing the nib of a plastic bottle into his mouth. He is only a week old and can't see yet, but he already knows the set of eyes he is staring into. There are tiny pinpoints of blue-green light, reflective and shiny, a mirror to his own.

The world is blurry but somehow Rin finds his own image. His newborn legs are scrunched inside a wad of cotton blankets, poised and ready to strike. Rin doesn't like being confined, but the four walls of the hospital room offer him no reprieve. He cries and bawls and screams to go back. Only the silence answers.

Rin hates this place. The world out here is a different state of mind: too bright, too loud, too much. Anything and everything has been etched into a single frame, time scorched into untouched skin. It is to the point his senses cannot handle any more.

Every morning the shadows of nurses gorge themselves on daylight, waistlines growing by the minute as they enlarge into his field of vision. They pry at the wires of his crib, brushing off invisible dust as they try so hard to make his heartbeat sync with their incessantly beating machines. His body refuses to obey. They should've known the moment he was born that he'd always be one step behind.

Rin wants to screech his head off again. This time he babbles that the milk tastes like car grease, that he'd rather die free than live in pain, but a firm hand stays the bottle between his lips, insisting on its delicacy. Rin blanches. He isn't hungry. He tries to pull away. But his mother's voice cuts through the silence, a warning.

"Sae-chan, be careful with your brother."

The two-year-old grunts, lips twisted in annoyance as he tries the balancing act of feeding a newborn with one arm. His gaze is ancient, too piercing for a child. Rin's fingers crawl up Sae's face, clumsy and blind as they grope for his nose bridge. There are stars in his older brother's eyes, ones Rin cannot reach no matter how hard he tries.

Rin ends up spilling milk on himself, crying as he drools white rivulets down his chin. If Sae could swear, he most definitely would’ve called Rin an ungrateful little shit. But Rin knows it is an honor to be born where he was. He is a legacy to someone else’s dream, both a spare and a second chance at living. He butters himself up in their nasal tongues, machinating his lips in tandem. 

When his brother offers him another drink, his mouth is already open.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

It turns out life outside the womb is actually far greater than it was inside. Rin learns that real people walk and talk and grow up to find something called a purpose. He doesn't understand why the adults deem it complicated though. How could something so simple take years to discover? After all, his brother has already figured out his purpose, so why couldn't he?

"Rin-chan, you must find something to do with your life," his grandmother mentions over dinner, smoothing her weathered hands down the locks of his hair. The family is gathered around the table for tea, sitting like a portrait on the zabuton. Rin tries his best to emulate, his three-year-old spine drawn taut with practiced humility.

"Your brother has already paved the way. You can do the same, can’t you Rin-chan?"

Of course he can. Rin's heard these words a thousand times before. Sae isn't called the family's star collector for nothing. His nii-chan has already amassed tens of thousands of these five-pointed shapes, a few of which sit in a glass trophy case Rin isn't allowed to touch. He’s seen this all play out before.

A fortune teller once read their futures, thumbing her way along his brother’s palms as she spilled the very same oracles. Rin still remembers that day clearly: a morning visit to the shrine, the image scattered like water. The torii unfolded like a vermillion tongue, moseying its way down Komachi Street. He had been dressed in his little navy blue hakama, toes tucked politely into his tabi, his round eyes reflecting the world like a fisheye lens. There was much to observe from the hustle and bustle of life. Peculiar squiggly lines danced along the signage of shops. Candied lacquerware displayed themselves behind glass windows. Rin even stopped to point out the goldfish hanging in their crystal bags, giggling when the force of nearby windchimes sent each fish for a tumble. One soba stop and two taiyaki ice creams later, his small feet had grown tired from the hours of excursion, and his mother carried him on her back for the latter half of the trip home. 

It was then that he spotted her. 

An old lady sat in a booth by the wayside, framed by colorful curtains. His father had told him that she could foresee the future with the mere touch of her hand. Sae had gone first, holding out his palm with assured poise, as if he already knew the outcome. Rin wasn’t surprised when he heard the verdict. The old lady claimed Sae was destined to become the world’s greatest star, to bring glory to the nation of the sun. Rin didn’t doubt it if this was true at the time. His brother’s existence was proof enough. Sae’s certainty was a lesson Rin learned before object permanence, before any preconventional stage of development. Nii-chan is always one way and not the other. He is on track to do something important, and nothing can sway him from it. 

That was the first truth Rin learned of this world.

Even now at the family dinner, he doesn't even need to look to know that his brother is sitting with near perfect posture, the precision of still life running through his veins. Sae is an adult before he is a child, a handcrafted figurehead for the Itoshi name. Rin lifts his chin a little higher, his toddler hands raised in firm conviction.

“I’ll follow Nii-chan! Follow him to the end of the world!”

His grandmother nods, seemingly satisfied with the answer. Rin doesn't say anything else, quiet for the rest of the night. He doesn't understand the words she exchanges with his parents, nor does he try to. Adult talk still isn't his strong suit, especially not when it concerns the future. But his mother's eyes shine wet and proud, and his father chuckles more than usual. Rin decides his purpose right then and there.

He wants to be a star too.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The day after starting kindergarten, Rin shows off his first masterpiece, cradling two sheets of rice paper as he runs up to the front door. By the time the fusuma slides open, he has already uncrumpled his work, dramatically revealing a bold shock of color. It appeared to be some sort of assemblage, painstakingly inked in blue crayon and pieced together with painter's tape.

"That's a pentagon, Rin."

"No, it’s a star! See? 1…2…3…4…5 points! Star!"

Sae isn't amused. Rin does not know why. His brother’s eyes are hardened slats of light, the still water of an abandoned lake. There are no mouths to swallow the light, no twinkling ripples at the surface, not even the gasps of glimmering excitement. There is only the mirrored slate of the sky: one shade of blue bleeding into the next. Rin feels his stomach plummet into its depths. This isn’t the soft look of pride he wanted to see. Not in the slightest. 

At first he thinks about crying, his bottom lip already curled with the onslaught of a pathetic sob. But spite unfurls in his lungs, so instead he turns his nose up with huff, trying to seem unaffected. He would be very proud of his star. And it most certainly was not called a pentagon or whatever stupid name Sae learned in his stupid math class. But apparently his older brother always had something else to say.

"Just come here and erase it. I'll show you how to make a proper star."

"But I don't want to! It's my star. It's perfect!"

Rin can hardly utter another word before Sae's glare nearly freezes the living daylights out of him. Nii-chan is scary, especially when angry. He doesn't even have a choice when he sits down at the chabudai, pouting in reluctance. Sae works out his magic on paper, crafting ley lines within the grain of paper. Rin does his best to follow, licking his lips as he guides his crayon through the dotted lines. It gets increasingly difficult though when Sae's hand echoes warmly around his own, gentle but firm in its direction. Rin tries to avoid his brother's eyes, but Sae's kindness is as disarming as his gaze. Had Nii-chan always had that crease between his eyebrows? The slight upturn of his lips when he bit his tongue in concentration?

Rin tries to trace the lines, but he ends up tracing Sae's face instead. His focus isn't even on the paper when he scribbles out a mess of incomplete pentagons, some geometric concatenation he cannot translate into real-time. Sae would have pinched his cheek, scolding him in disappointment.

Sae never did.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The next time Rin traces a pentagon, it is on the surface of a black-and-white ball, shot like a meteorite through a football goal. His brother becomes a comet, light on his feet as he thunders down the field, weaving seamlessly between defenders. Rin can only stand on the sidelines, drowned out in his second-hand hoodie, face smushed up against the fence as he tries to get a good view. The team's been at it for hours, and Rin's pretty sure he now has the diamond imprint of chain links burnt into his cheeks.

"Somebody stop him!"

"Get after him!"

"Mark Sae Itoshi!"

There will always be someone up to the challenge of his brother's prowess, but no one ever comes close to toppling him. Rin doesn't think Sae would ever miss a single step, not when he's so far ahead. His brother is strong and calculated, absolutely unwavering in his ascent to the top. The only way Sae Itoshi could ever fall is if he buckled under his own weight, caving into himself.

Rin's eyes follow the reporters as they trail after Sae, and his nose wrinkles in disgust. They were no better than a pack of bloodhounds, desperate for a small taste of his brother's victory. How dare they? His Nii-chan outshined everyone at everything. Rin wasn't the smartest boy, but even he knew that a star could never be caught. They didn't even belong on Earth in the first place.

"Let's go, Rin."

Rin doesn't complain when his brother calls him to return home, oblivious to the media's chagrin. Like Sae, Rin is utterly indifferent to their plight, side-stepping one of the reporters who dry-heaves on his shoes in exhaustion. It was definitely their fault for failing to outrun both an eight-year-old child and his kid brother, let alone try to feast on their glittering remains. If they couldn't catch a star, they ought to eat the dust left behind. After all, that was how the world worked according to Nii-chan.

Only the best could succeed. All the rest would implode with the universe.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

It is the summer before his tenth birthday when Rin takes back every single one of those words. He is that reporter now, completely humiliated and exhausted as he collapses on the sidelines. The afternoon workout had just entirely rearranged his guts, so much so that he's foaming at the mouth, the remnants of his hasty breakfast speckled all over his cleats.

Out of every star in existence, the sun has to be the worst one. A pool of sweat trickles down his back, melting into a sticky discomfort along his nape. It’s too far up his jersey for him to do anything about, and he might just die from the sweltering heat.

Perhaps it was true that sports stars had to suffer in order to burn bright, but Rin would never wish this fate upon anybody. Sae is shouting at him from somewhere outside his periphery, insisting that the sun has never stopped revolving, that Rin has to never stop practicing if he ever plans on keeping up. But at this point, he could care less about a goddamn metaphor, let alone rub two brain cells together to interpret it.

"That shot was shoddy, Rin. Redo it."

"But it's so hot, I can't—”

"It's not hot. It's lukewarm. Redo it."

Sometimes Rin regrets ever thrusting himself into the orbit of his brother’s football dream. Playing on the world stage sounded so much easier in his head back then, but now it might as well have been an impossible fantasy. He most definitely wasn’t cut out for this line of work because his legs feel like shit, his arms feel like shit, and his whole body can’t even breathe under the thick, grimy layer of sweat. Blinking his eyes against the burning salt, Rin curses to himself. He should’ve taken that energy drink from earlier. At least the caffeine would have kept him sane. Sae snaps Rin out of his reverie, his thin voice seeping into Rin’s bones. There’s something softer in his tone this time.

“Suck it up and redo it. I’ll buy you ice cream after practice.”

There is silence. Rin stands back up, wiping his forehead as he stares his brother dead in the eye. The field has never been larger, and the goal has never been closer. And just like that, he is off, powering down the turf.

Under the supermassive gravity of his brother's ambitions, Rin becomes a supernova, his body charged with enough energy to last through entire lifetimes.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

In the oppressive sunlight, Sae's cold stare becomes a welcome sight. Augusts in Kamakura are the products of heat waves, the sun so scorching Rin can see a visible mirage above the asphalt. The heat spares no one, and Rin feels his cargo pants stick to the crease of his thighs. Even Sae’s bangs are plastered to his forehead, unusually slick behind the ears. They had just met Sae’s agent that morning, taking the Yokosuka line back from Tokyo. Sae had even left early, planning to evade the weekend’s tourists. But neither of them ever anticipated the harshness of the afternoon heat. After nearly an hour of searching, their only refuge was this 7-Eleven, some tiny microcosm practically stowed away between two utility poles.

The oba-chan at the konbini greets them with a seasoned smile, chirping with polite bubbliness as she rings up Sae’s Garigari-kun popsicles, a total of 70 yen for the original soda flavor. Rin waits demurely in a corner, eyes drawn to his brother’s silhouette. Some oji-san sits himself down nearby, fanning himself with a newspaper as he twirls a toothpick between his gums.

“Trying to avoid the heat, eh? You and your brother come here often?”

The man looks middle-aged, crowned with an artificial toupée and a cracked tooth. His eyes dart between Rin and Sae, a knowing smile plastered on his lips. 

“Nii-chan and I just found this place. We don’t come here a lot.”

“Ah. Is that so? You seem awfully young to be shopping without parents. What’s your name?”

Rin doesn’t want to answer. He hates this man already, even more so his strangeness. There’s a disarming nature to his beady eyes, like he knows something Rin doesn’t. Rin looks down at the floor, his sneakers toeing a shy line across the linoleum tiles. 

“R-rin.”

“Rin-kun, eh? You must look up to your Nii-chan a lot, huh? Your gaze hasn’t left him since.”

Rin feels his throat close up, cheeks flushing with heat of embarrassment. On second thought, he hates everything about this oji-san now, even down to his obnoxious friendliness. The old man winks, bending down in a conspiratorial whisper. Rin wrinkles his nose at the stale smell of beer, feeling embarrassed for even bothering to converse. This man was clearly drunk out of his mind, and Rin secretly hopes no one else is watching him. But unfortunately, the whispers are loud enough to travel across the entire convenience store, right into Sae’s ears.

“Oh-ho? Are you blushing?”

Rin vehemently shakes his head.

“Don’t worry, Rin-kun. Your secret is safe for me. You must be your brother’s little shadow, right?” The man pumps his fist out, his voice distorted in a childish imitation. “Nii-chan's number one supporter!”

Rin’s hands ball into fists at the oji-san’s teasing, his ears red to their tips. Sae is looking at him from over the cash register now, a confused look etched onto his face. Rin clenches his teeth in annoyance. Stripped bare of all defenses, he is now analyzed for what he is. Was his admiration that obvious? Did Sae know about his feelings? He didn’t want to be taken for some stupid, awestruck fool. The old man’s question is barely answered before Rin makes a break for it, the bell on the door ringing with his sudden departure.

The road outside swirls in holographic patterns, a dizzying blend of feet and socks and concrete. Rin has to take a moment to steady himself before Sae comes up behind him, armed with a plastic bag of wrappers and blue ice between his teeth. Rin licks his popsicle with caution, burning away his shame as his tongue freeze dries itself to the candied surface. Sae crunches his ice cream in two bites, an amused lilt to his voice.

“What was that back there?”

“N-nothing! I didn’t know him.”

“You’re too shy to talk to strangers?”

“N-no…H-he was just talking to himself.”

Sae gives Rin a weird look, but he doesn’t question further. Instead, his hand reaches down to slap Rin on the back of the head, ruffling the hair there until it somehow resembles a bird’s nest.

“Next time someone asks you something, just answer. Stop acting like a damn coward.”

Rin’s entire face burns with humiliation at that comment. He wishes the ground could just open up and swallow him whole. The last thing he wants to be is the laughingstock of his brother’s dry humor, but the fact that Sae rarely even cracks a joke makes this entire situation much worse. Instead of replying, Rin follows what he does best and rapidly changes the subject. His voice trembles as he stares at his popsicle handle, noting the hiragana carved into plywood. Atari.

“Ah, look. I won a prize.”

Sae’s eyes widen momentarily, pausing in his step as he looks down to check his own stick. Less than a minute later, he grimaces, tossing it away.

“Tch, don’t waste your luck on something so meaningless.”

Rin knows what Sae means. Only becoming the best matters, and with the sparse amount of luck to go around, he might as well spend it on a real victory. The Itoshis can’t afford loss, not that they’d ever know what it was. A foreign emotion flickers through Sae’s eyes, something akin to uncertainty. Rin brushes it off as a trick of the light.

The trek back home is tinged with a golden hue, the sun milder as it cascades rays down both their faces. Sae's appearance has always been unsettling, even in the mellow glow of summer. Rin recalls his mother used to say that Sae inherited all the sharpness in the family. His mother was definitely right. Sae’s nose is too straight, the slant of his brows too unnatural. If Rin took a ruler to his face, every measurement would come back scientifically accurate. Nothing about Sae is soft. Nothing about him should be comforting. But when his brother looks at him, Rin feels someone’s breath brush across his forehead, the skin still warm from the imprint of their lips.

He grips Sae’s hand tighter, knuckles looped between calloused digits. They tread silently, all thoughts of victory forgotten, the coastal breeze whispering their names into air. Rin can’t take his eyes off his brother, and, despite his lack of situational awareness, Sae notices it too.

“What are you looking at?”

“Nothing… It’s just… Back at the store… If it were you, you’d never be afraid to speak up, right?”

“Of course. There’s nothing that I fear.”

Sae’s tone is stiff when he says this, his face tilted towards the horizon. Rin almost misses the slight waver in his voice. His brother does everything to keep his word. At least that much holds true. Rin silently wishes that too would never change.

Sae always looks forward, always stares towards the skyline, always plans for the future. Not once has Rin seen his older brother look fully back at him, let alone pivot toward the direction he once came from. One side of Sae’s face is always hidden, not too dissimilar to the far side of the moon. His Nii-chan might as well be some celestial body, cast under the penumbra of his own eclipse. No one could ever know him in his entirety.

Sae’s eyes must be lonely, Rin ponders. They’re trapped on opposite ends of his face, two stars that could align but never cross. He swears to always remember the constellations in his brother’s eyes.

He'd follow them wherever they took him.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Sae has his eyes set on Spain: a land of gold, guts, and glory. The streets are somehow more burnt than its people, and the nation itself flickers with twisting tongues. It is also the only place where Rin cannot follow, and he is inconsolable.

Sae hadn’t even given a week’s notice before he broke the news on a Sunday, stating his plans factually over a family dinner. Rin nearly spit out his ochazuke right then and there, choking pitifully on his tea-steeped rice grains. Who in their right mind would willingly travel to a country that sees the sun for nearly three thousand hours a year? Perhaps Sae was immune to all natural phenomena, but Rin would rather die than train in that hellish heat. And most importantly, what was with the sudden announcement? Did his brother not even care about the people he was leaving behind?

He thought about it hard during dinner and even harder when Sae blow-dried his hair that night. They had both stepped out from the tub at the same time, arguing after their shared bath. Rin complained his brother turned the water temperature up too high every time, and Sae pointed out he was dripping water everywhere, the suds still stuck deep in his scalp. Their fingers had been at each other’s hair, clawing and tugging until their mother finally intervened, wrapping Rin up in the family towel as she knelt down to dry him. Rin stood there, an angry flush on his cheeks and his features pulled into a petulant sulk as he observed Sae clean himself with elegant precision, a quiet look on his face. Life at ten and a half was simply unfair. Rin couldn’t wait until he was his brother’s age. Apparently being a teenager meant Nii-chan could have his own towel, a custom gift embroidered with seagulls on the hem. Nii-chan could dry himself without any help from others, no longer needing his mother’s guidance. He could even leave the house if he truly wanted, and no one would come after him. Rin’s scowl deepens, glowering at Sae as his mother forces his little arms up, tugging the pyjamas over his head. In another life, he would’ve admitted that he was envious of Sae’s independence, the sheer effortless grace with which he carried himself. But Rin was too prideful to do that. A confession of his own failures was equivalent to suicide in his book.

The best he can do is bite his tongue, forcing back the angry vitriol that would have otherwise spilled from his lips. His brother stands on a stool behind him, blow-dryer in hand as he ruffles through Rin’s tresses, the nozzle spewing warm air across his forehead. Sae’s fingers are rough and heavy, riddled with calluses underneath, likely from the months of weightlifting and grip training. But as solid as they are, they are also nimble, delicate as bird wings as they gently comb through strands of hair. The hot air massages around his temples, and Rin feels the tender brush of something against his nape. He cannot tell if it was the blow-dryer or the warmth of Sae’s body behind him. 

In the end, he decides he does not want to know.

By now, the water droplets have cleared from his skin, his locks rusted from a dark olive to a coarse black. Sae turns the blow-dryer to his own head, tousling his hair as he shakes out the excess moisture. Rin watches silently through the mirror, squeezing a fine line of mint paste down the center of his toothbrush. He chews on the plastic bristles as he contemplates, moving his arm back and forth in a repetitive scrubbing motion. Sae had inherited their mother’s hair and their father’s countenance, his visage a perfect combination of both genetic features. His obaa-san once remarked that the kami had accidentally spilled wine on Sae’s birthday, anointing his head in a rich maroon. In Japan, red is the color of all things joyous, a shade Rin identifies with the uchikake at weddings and the rope decorations his parents pin onto doors for good luck. But to be associated with joy, Rin finds that fact highly ironic. He has never seen Sae express any semblance of happiness before, except maybe the occasional grimace he tries to pass off as a smile. 

Still, the connotation of their contrasting hair colors does little to ease the ache in his tiny chest. If Sae is the blood of an early sunrise, then Rin is the death before night. Black is not a marriage but a funeral, the makings of an era filled with fear, violence, and misfortune. In a way, Rin is the end to Sae’s beginning, both the antithesis and the complement.

A soft touch against his chin interrupts his thoughts, and Rin looks up just in time to see Sae retracting his hand, wiping the excess toothpaste off Rin’s chin. And in that moment, he wants to scream. How dare Sae try to leave him? To act like everything was alright. He said the end was another beginning when really it was just the end. There wasn’t any coming back from it. Sae would disappear off to Spain, and he would never come back. At least the version of Sae he was seeing now. 

In the dim lights, Rin’s hair is darker than ever, the inky tendrils plastered around his ears like a vacuum devoid of light. He brings a death omen, a curse wherever he goes. In between the liminal space of bathroom mirror and tile, he divorces memory from mind, separating the flesh until it can last no longer. He’ll kill this memory of his brother if he has to, suffocating it in the most gruesome of ways. He doesn’t want to admit this might be the last time he’ll ever see Sae. 

And most importantly, he doesn’t want to admit that he just might miss him.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Rin resolved to give Sae the silent treatment after that night, avoiding him throughout the house and acting like he was repelled by some nameless force. But his plans sadly never seem to work. The more he turns away, the more he is reeled back in, as if cast on some invisible fishing line. Now he’s here in Sae's bedroom, forty-eight hours before D-day, trying to mouth out words that aren't his own. 

His brother has somehow convinced him to adopt a new language, something about how he needs to be bilingual to play in different countries. Rin didn’t understand most of it before he complied, letting himself be dragged onto his brother’s bedspread. His English flashcards sit opposite to Sae’s Spanish ones as he crosses his legs, mouthing the shapes on his brother’s lips.

Manzana. Banana. Naranja.

Translation: I am undoing everything that has ever made me whole. 

In the middle of their lesson, Sae hands his brother said fruit, as if to accentuate his point. He peels the orange in a perfect spiral, thumb under the calyx as the spongy white fiber separates from ochre flesh, the pulp inlaid like jewels beneath skin. He cracks the segments hexagonally and tosses Rin the larger half.

“Naranja.”

“Naranja.” Rin repeats, curling his tongue around the foreign vowels. He catches the fruit with ease, shoving the flesh into his mouth until juice pools between teeth and his mouth is bursting with flavor. The language trickles down his throat, settling into the hollow of his larynx.

Naranja.

He looks down at his own orange, a half-imitation at best. His fingers are still stuck inside the skin, the liquid squirting into his right eye. It is sour, acrid even. The flesh has gone bad, wrinkled like soft cherries. A tangerine blooms saffron yellow beneath his nails, zest building up under the cuticle. He makes a mental note to wash his hands later.

Mi media naranja.

Unlearning, Rin decides, is a very difficult process. It makes him feel like a child again, an estrangement from his old self. Sometimes two halves aren’t enough to make him whole, and other times it is a section too much. There are many things in this world that elude his grasp. One day perhaps he will know them all. In another life, he would have been able to tell the difference between an apple and an orange, to draw the line between his half and Sae’s half. But for now, he is still discovering, still plucking and choosing, still floundering in a body he has come to hate. Rin picks up another flashcard, right next to the yellow one labeled starfruit, named estrella for each of its five points.

“What’s this one?”

“Desastre. Spanish for disaster.” 

"Dis…as…star?"

"It's disaster. You have to enunciate the r."

"Dis…as…ster? What the hell even is that? Another star?"

Sae deadpans, and Rin mentally braces himself for another harsh remark, probably a brutally honest insult about his own stupidity. But this conversation has long evolved past fruits and colors and my half and your half. His brother’s eyes soften with shadows, as if bruised by something far deeper. A contusion forms beneath the surface, purpled and pained. Rin’s mind fills with confusion when Sae suddenly stares out the curtains again, his gaze strangely wistful. The room is so quiet he almost misses Sae’s answer.

"Yeah...it's a star.”

Disaster is a bad star.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The day before Sae leaves, Rin wishes on a bad star. He wakes up at an unlucky hour of dawn, slinking past a sleeping town as he goes to find his brother on the embankment near the sea. The streets bend around this corner of the peninsula, gaping like a mouth, lips pried apart at the seams. Located between a rock and a hard place, the coast of Koshigoe Beach oscillates between two types of constant turmoil, battling the erosion of natural forces from the east while facing the gentrification of construction in the west. During early mornings, the tide is sometimes low enough to expose the rocks up to the seawall, the desiccated seaweed forming fishing nets along its edge. Occasionally, the imprints of a stranger's footsteps leave behind small pockets of water, each one a home to an assorted array of abalone and oyster shells. Rin remembers the family vacations he spent here, the storm-cloaked skies. He had been so excited to go clamming after watching every episode of Chibi Maruko-Chan. In his red bucket hat and plastic shovel, he raced to the water’s edge, his little cheeks puffed out in exertion. He had anticipated sunny weather and clear skies, the glitter of rainbow sea glass, maybe even the golden sands he had seen in many of Sae’s travel brochures. But his first impression had been one of utter disappointment. 

The sand was a dull, drab grey: a single expanse of color that stretched on forever across the horizon. There were no clouds, only the stinging brittle of salt stuck inside his lungs and nestled between his toes. And to make matters worse, there weren’t even any clams in the first place, no sparkling bits of the golden treasure he had been so desperate to bring home. He felt his spirits dampen with ocean spray, his little feet coming to a sudden halt as he stared crestfallen at the waters.

Rin learned two major lessons that day. One, Maruko-chan was a big fat liar. And two, he should never believe anything that he sees on screen. Unfortunately, his folly cost him a hefty price: one tantrum on the car ride home and zero pretty seashells to add to his collection. Looking back on it now, Rin feels a strange sense of comfort in his disillusionment. In all four directions, his home is still the same greyish wash of color, unchanging as the sea and as unforgiving as its waters. At least that is something he can rely on. Nowadays, the constants in his life can be counted on a single hand, and the number of childhood remnants dwindles down to even fewer. 

Still, he can recall one memory clearer than the rest.

While Rin had been busy lamenting the lack of clams, Sae had tugged him by the back of his shirt, pulling him to the wayside as he stuck his fingers into the earth. Obviously, Rin was too caught up in his misery to notice, but his sniffles soon died down when he saw the faintest of bubbles lurk beneath the sandy surface. Sae taught him how to dig, how to plant feet into the ground, how to scavenge for survival. And Rin followed without question.

Soon, a cast of translucent crabs spilled forth from the pits, scuttling in massive red tides. Rin scooped some out with bare hands, sectioning them into segments: the ruby shells of a pomegranate, dividing and dividing again. He held a hermit up to the light, a look of gleeful amazement on his features. Was it their shells that determined their shape or the tender bodies inside them? Rin could never tell. All he knew was that these crabs were a different sort of treasure, ones that he cradled gently with bare hands and shielded from the foraging gulls. They were creatures meant to be loved.

The waves now break across concrete fortifications, crashing upon cubic breakwaters. By the time Rin reaches the paved promenade near the shores, Sae is already there, feet drowned in the freezing Pacific, the shirasu swimming between his toes. He doesn’t even turn when the sand crunches with footsteps, and Rin silently curses his brother’s superior senses. 

“I thought I told you not to come, Rin.”

“I know....But I still wanted to.”

In Rin’s mind, it doesn’t matter if Sae didn’t want him to be there. It doesn’t matter that he should’ve never come. He’d always keep chasing this dream if it meant he could stay. In fact, any ill omen would be better than this sinking pit in his stomach, this feeling that something was about to change forever.

The twinkles of light in the sky ripple across the sea, and Rin can’t help but see the view reflected in his brother’s visage. Sae’s eyes are like the ports of Sagami Bay, hardened with the carapace of cold comfort. Absence, Rin believes, would be his brother’s ultimate paradox. Sae could do everything and nothing all at once, and he would still be both the empty hole and the overflowing home. If eyes could be waves and faces could be stars, Sae would be the coldest, but he would also burn the brightest. Right now Rin just wants some of that warmth.

“So...you’re really leaving?”

“Yeah. I’m going ahead of you now. You better catch up.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll do my best to become scouted like you.”

“Right. And then onto the world. The two of us will become the best there is.”

A silence hangs between them, loose as a thread. The wind whistles across the boardwalk, stirring up small spirals of volcanic sand. Sae notices Rin’s contemplative expression, following his gaze until he finds the moon still in the sky, lit up by the fading light of Polaris. Rin prays silently, knees tucked into his chest as he clasps his hands tightly together. His soft whispers are frequently interspersed by distant murmurs of the sea.

Please let Nii-chan be safe. Please don’t let him forget me.

The sunrise is about to start, one more hour until the day fully begins. Sae has to put an end to this, or else he'll never leave.

“Stop praying, Rin. They’re just stars. They'll die before your wish can come true.”

Rin peeks an eye open, unfurling from his tucked position. He looks to the stars then back at Sae, a familiar prickling in his eyes. Sae doesn’t even need to check to know that he’s crying.

“I just...” Rin’s voice wavers, “I think I’lll miss you, Nii-chan. At least send a message home?”

“Maybe. When I have the time.”

“Oh...okay.” Rin looks down awkwardly, staring at his feet before perking up again, “Do you think our dream can be achieved in a few years? I’ll come visit you in Spain! Maybe we’ll even play for Royale together.”

“You better. Don’t slack off just because I’m not here.”

“I know. I won’t.”

Rin had never been particularly good at farewells, let alone his first one. His voice is watery now, as if liquid and unable to be contained.

“Hey...Sae?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you really think we’ll make it big?”

There’s a pause in the conversation, the length of it too long for Sae’s liking. For once, certainty does not come to him as easily. But Rin already knows there is a fundamental difference to the depths of his brother’s greed. Sae’s eyes harden into flints, his voice crashing across the sandy beaches, unrelenting in its harshness but still shapelessly soft.

“We have to.”

Rin doesn’t have anything to say to that. Neither of them do. If killing himself meant living forever, then Sae Itoshi would have died a long time ago. 

He would have died and become a star.

author's note: to whoever made it down here, thank you for reading the words i’ve curated at the cost of my sleep schedule. this chapter was supposed to be a purely self-indulgent one-shot about rin’s character, but it quickly devolved into a multi-chapter fic (oops.) majority of the content is pulled from the official manga, the spin-off novel translations, and occasionally my own personal interpretation. the extended star metaphor is inspired by @hanyjar (my lovely moot) and franny choi's poetry in the atlantic. while the plot follows the original canon chronologically, you can theoretically read the scenes in any order, and the vignettes are meant to vacillate between different scenes and interactions. regardless, rin seeks the same path of self-destruction throughout all scenarios, even if it means losing himself. (atp he needs to go to therapy, and i need to go touch grass.) anyways, thank you for reading, and it genuinely means a lot to see people interact with my works!

© verysium 2023 / please do not translate, repost, or plagiarize any of my works

[snaillock]

bllk boys helping their bf through his period

feat. sae, isagi, nagi

am having the worsssttt cramps rn so im revisiting this ancient ass draft (it’s really just from early july) and im abt to have a self indulgent fest with this enjoy!!

tags: afab/transmale!reader, descriptions of dysphoria and periods, clueless but cute boyfriends

sae itoshi

★ finding out that you started your period definitely explains why you were snappier with him despite you usually being so patient with his sassy and curt retorts.

★ you’re most likely his first relationship since he’s mainly been focused on soccer for literally his entire life so he has no previous experiences dealing stuff like this. so if you need anything you’ll have to tell him directly.

★ he definitely expresses his best love by giving you things you need and helping you out in any way he can. so you could literally ask him for anything and it will be done as quickly as it takes for him to pull out his credit card (which is very fast by the way.)

★ he would buy you some expensive teas since he heard they can help with the pain. does he have any clue on how to brew them? no. did you have to walk him through every step of the process by yelling out instructions from the living room all the way to the kitchen? yes you did.

★ even though it was a bit too bitter, his first attempt actually wasn’t that bad at all.

★ he wants to spend way more time with you even if his agent or coach complains about it. he does not care at all. he will be staying with you until you feel much better.

★ during his time off taking care of you, you can tell that he’s a lot more affectionate with you. he’s way more cuddly than usual and gives you plenty of kisses. if you try to bring it up with him, he’ll just deny it, claiming that he’s only giving you his body heat to help with your cramps (when he could literally just buy a heating pad if that was. the case like ok man).

★ despite your dysphoria acting up and telling you otherwise, sae will never treat you any different even when he sees this side of you. you will always be his beloved boyfriend even if he has trouble expressing that to you

★ well expressing that to you verbally at least. once your period is over, he will surprise you with a bunch of new clothes in your style to help sooth your dysphoria in his own way.

isagi yoichi

★ he may seem calm on the outside when you reluctantly told him but inside he is panicking. he’s just desperately trying to keep a chill demeanor for your sake.

★ he has absolutely no idea on how to help you but he is trying his best. he frantically looks up anything online that could help and speed reads through like ten different advice articles within a minute. (for sure has looked up “how to help boyfriend on his period” before)

★ if you’re ever insecure/worried that this whole situation being weird or even uncomfortable for him, then he will instantly gain back all his composure to reassure you that it’s okay and none of this grosses him out. he’ll make sure that you know none of this makes him see you as less of a man and that he loves him nonetheless

★ now that he’s super focused on just making you feel comfortable with your period, he’ll spend extra time in bed with you. he’s more than happy to take a day off and just movies with you (or just naps together if you wanna sleep the cramps away.)

★ he is so damn encouraging. if you’re experiencing a particularly painful cramp, he’ll immediately run off to get you some pain medicine before holding you close to physically comfort you through it.

nagi seishiro

★ the fact that you’re on your period doesn’t freak him out at all really. though he is very confused so he just texts reo every two minutes on what he should do. of course reo is more than happy to help out but it does get a little annoying when nagi asks him every little thing that he should honestly just google. (he’s just so used to his best friend’s help ok?😔)

★ he’s willing to put away (most) of his laziness aside to help you out because he knows you would do the same for him whenever he feels unwell.

★ literally the best cuddle partner you could ask for right now. that 190 cm mans is basically your personal heated blanket with extremely long legs. honestly an amazing deal.

★ he’s more than happy to just relax with you and just play video games while snacking on any sweet foods that you’re craving together.

★ if you’re too weak to want to walk on your own, then he will carry you around the house if you need to move somewhere. he loves doing it because he does NOT want to separate from you once you get out of bed. the only time he’ll let go is when you need to use the bathroom but he will mope around right outside the door.

★ if you express any insecurities caused by your dysphoria, he will put down his game and immediately smother you into the bed, not giving you any opportunities to doubt yourself any further. his body practically cocooning you with his nonchalant words on how you’ll always be a man in his eyes instantly cheers you up. nagi’s cuddles are the best dysphoria treatment (real!)

please read and respect my dni/byf before reblogging/following

taglist(sign up here!): @leosxrealm @lucas2060 @kiiyoooo @remy-roll @catmisu

[xiaosonlybeloved]

Not meant to be~ Rin Itoshi

featuring:- Rin Itoshi, fem!reader, _________ warnings:- aftermath of argument, accident, good ol' truck kun, angst, hurt/no comfort, hurt/comfort, some mentions of blood a/n:- omg here its finally here, my first blue lock fic, ngl im scared of the response since ive only written for genshin before but oh well-

I guess i have to thank @damyoujackson, my irl bff for helping me write this( honestly i couldnt figure out how the hell to start the fic, she helped me with that and it somehow turned into her helping me in three-fourth of the fic) i actually have another fic planned to (on my own merit) but ill wait for my exams to get over

word count:- 2k

masterlist

Raised voices. Angry tears. That’s all you could remember. Rin’s cold, emotionless face when he told you to go. Go wherever the hell you wanted. Because he. Didn’t. Care. The way you stormed out of the apartment, hot tears streaming down your cheeks.

His face flashed before your eyes again. You remembered the face you both hate and love now. You remember all the heartbreak he’s been causing you recently. You remember Rin Itoshi.

*******

You get into the taxi you booked to go to Isagi’s house. You’d already planned to visit him and Bachira anyways. Now, maybe if you were lucky, they’d let you stay the night over. There is a strange scent in the car but you can’t put a finger on it. 

You take a few deep breaths. Once you’re sufficiently calmed down, you take out your phone and block Rin. Everywhere. His socials. His phone, his chat. Everything. Right now, all you really want is to distance yourself and your aching heart from Rin. Because it hurt. Staying with him, loving him, hurt. A fresh tear rolled down your face as the car sped onto the highway after around ten minutes.

And thats when the chills ran down your spine.

Something was wrong, you realized. Something wasn’t righ-

*******

It happened in an instant, too quick for you to comprehend.

As you felt the warm liquid trickling down your face, you recognise the strong scent of wine that filled the whole car, emanating from the driver, and the smell of your own blood.

The next instant, it all went black.

~◍~

Rin’s call goes to voicemail for the tenth time. His messages are still undelivered. It’s been ten minutes, and Rin can’t help but feel uneasy, feel like something was wrong.

He shook his head. Who was he even kidding. Of course things were wrong. And he was the reason why. He was the who’d lost his temper, yelled at you to get lost, refused to apologise even though none of it was your fault; you were only trying to look out for him after all. Regret settled in the pit of his stomach, and he didn’t like it one bit. He didn’t mean any of that, he really didn’t, it all slipped out in the heat of the moment because of his pride. You were the reason his life was worth living, and all he wanted right now was you back in his arms safe and sound.

He couldn’t stand the silence that pervaded the room anymore. He wanted to see you. Make sure you were alright, even if you were hurting inside because of him

His keys jingled as he locked the door behind him and hurried to his car.

*******

As Rin sped towards Isagi’s place, figuring that’s where you went since you had already planned to go, he felt something like dread seep into him, although he didn’t know why. Goosebumps rose on his skin as he drove onto the highway, and the reason for it was visible in the form of a crowd gathered around what seemed like a truck collided into a taxi. His sense of foreboding increased.

As he neared the crash site, the first thing he saw was blood seeping out of the shattered windows of the car. He frowned as he slowed down, seeing the flashing lights and wailing sirens of the ambulance making its way towards the crash. Finally, he saw the limp bodies, presumably of the drivers and a passenger.

His car screeched to a halt as he froze, seeing a nurse lift up one of the limp bodies to hurry them into the ambulance.

He saw your limp body being hauled into the ambulance.

*******

Rin silently sat in the ambulance, staring at what he’d done. The nurse who was working to bring you into a stable condition gave him a look of pity. Pity. That’s probably why the nurse had allowed him to get into the ambulance with you. 

He couldn’t fathom it. 

It was his fault. If he hadn’t yelled at you like that, you wouldn’t have left. If he had just dropped you off, you wouldn’t have gotten injured.

Rin knew. He knew he’d broken the promise he’d passionately made you when you two started dating- that he’d keep you safe.

For the first time in years, a tear slipped out of the corner of his eyes, then another. Not a single sound. Just the tears silently streaking Rin’s face.

He’d messed up. Real bad.

~◍~

There you were, lying unconscious on the bed. You always looked so peaceful asleep. Not like you had been all those wakeful, sleepless nights with him recently.

He caressed your face, like he had done so many times before. By this point, he had all the contours of your face memorised. He had lost you. He knew that. He knew you were in a coma, but who knew how long you’d be gone? Rin felt a lump rise in his throat. 

Why?

Why had it been you? Why not anyone else? Why you? You had never done anything to deserve this, if anything, he was the one who deserved this. Unable to bear the sight of you, hurt because of him ,anymore, he got up hastily and walked away, gently closing the hospital door behind him.

“Why were you with her?” Rin heard a voice say, one that grated on his nerves. His jaw set, he turned around to see him. “What do you mean? She’s my girlfriend, she’s the one I love, and she’s hurt. Shouldn’t I be with her?” Rin spoke, the anger on seeing him seeping into his voice. What right did he have to interfere with Rin’s life? He saw a scowl spread across the face of the man in front of him. “No, Rin, you’ve lost the right to. You’re the reason why she’s here. You’re the one who hurt her. Do you really think she’d want to see you after all of this? No, Rin. Not when you’re the reason why she’s… she’s…” His voice cracks, his incomplete sentence hanging tensely in the air.

And Rin watched, eyes wide, as a tear slipped out of his eyes. Sure, Rin crying was one thing. But him? Not when he knew that emotions didn’t come easy to either of them. He must care about her a lot too. It caused an ugly feeling to bubble in his chest.

“Stay away, she’s mine. You have no right to be here.” Rin snapped, causing him to retort. “I have no right? I have no right? Look who’s freaking talking.”

“She was yours, Rin. She was yours. Not anymore.”

“You’ve lost her now.”

~◍~

White, white everywhere. Your eyes stung ike tehy did every time Rin made you cry. You sat up and the world spun. You saw a hand on yours. Rin? His touch felt a bit different, but the eyes you caught with yours were ones you would never get tired of losing yourself staring into. And yet, as the world gradually came into focus, you saw that no, it wasn’t Rin after all. It was him.

“How are you?” He softly asked. Those three words lingered in the air between you two, echoing in your mind. So long. It had been so long since you’d heard those three simple words. How laughable.

You didn’t respond for a while. You just couldn’t.. He didn’t press it either. The silence which fell between you two was in fact, comfortable. Certainly not like the tense, angry silences that fell ever so often between you and Rin recently after unresolved conflicts. They had been cold and unforgiving, just like how Rin had become.

Eventually you tried to speak, and found you couldn’t. Seeing this, he immediately grabbed a glass of water from the bedside stand and gently held it to your lips as you drank, one hand supporting your back.

This felt new. But it didn’t feel wrong. It felt warm and comforting.

“I… don’t know.” You responded to his earlier question. He simply set down the glass, took both of your hands in his, and squeezed them softly. “I’ll be here. It’ll be fine soon.” There was a silent promise in his quiet voice. That he’d stay with you.

Unlike Rin.

No wonder this felt comforting. This was the kind of support and comfort you’d been longing for from ages. You missed this feeling.

~◍~

Months had passed since that accident, and you had fully recovered, with no permanent damage. You had completely broken off things with Rin. It wasn’t because of the accident. You were simply too tired. It hurt. It hurt too much for you to be able to continue your relationship with him anymore.

It hurt you to admit it, but life had actually become brighter after you’d broken up with Rin. So you tried your best to get over him, build yourself a happier life.

‘It seems to be working,’ you thought to yourself, shoulders feeling considerably lighter, a spring in your step, on your way to meet him at the cafe.

~◍~

Years had passed. Old wounds were healed, both figuratively and literally. You’d found someone new. Someone who’d gently held your broken heart as he helped you repair it. Someone who you couldn’t help but love with everything in you. Someone who’d stayed with you through thick and thin. Someone you loved more than you had loved Rin.

Funny. Honestly, you barely remembered Rin anymore. Not when you’d found someone better.

~◍~

Rin was miserable, to say the least. He’d barely been able to focus on anything, throwing himself into soccer in entirety. Because if he didn’t, if he let his mind wander, regret and guilt would consume him whole, and his mind would return to the last time he’d seen you. When you’d softly told him that you couldn’t do this anymore. Not with him. When you’d broken up with him, wishing him all the best for his career.

Forget it. Even though you were a big part of his life, the only option he found was to try and forget you, no matter how impossible it seemed. It was the only way he could focus on soccer.

And yet, as he lay alone under the covers of his cold bed at night, body aching from exhaustion, he couldn’t hold back his intense longing for you to be back in his arms.

In the dead of night, he couldn’t deny just how much he missed you. In the dead of night, he couldn’t deny how much he wished everything was back to the way it used to be back then.

In the dead of night, he couldn’t deny that he would always remember you, no matter how much he tried to forget you.

~◍~

Rin stood there, face blank, numbness seeping through his body, as excited loud chatter surrounded him.

This couldn’t be happening.

He knew he should have been happy for you. But somehow, he was unable to.

You looked radiant and stunning as you walked down the aisle. The joy was more than evident in the way you carried yourself, a bright smile on your face as your gaze landed on him.

He couldn’t help but feel incredibly envious of the man standing in wait for you at the altar, a matching smile lighting up his usually emotionless face. Your to-be husband. As much as it shattered his heart, Rin knew that he hadn’t treated you well, that he wasn’t the one for you. That you were happy.

But it still hurt.

It hurt like hell when you both said ‘Yes’ without hesitation, when you both slipped your rings onto each other’s fingers, when the crowd around burst into rapturous applause as the two of you sealed your relationship.

Because the lips you kissed, the eyes you stared into, the hands you held, and the man you loved. It wasn’t him. It would never be him.

It was Sae Itoshi, the only one you remembered.

ngl i loved this

[kenyukisser]

‘Can’t let you go, ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

₊˚⊹♡ contents ; fluff, aftermath of an argument, kind of ooc... clingy!rin. slight angst to fluff, word vomit wwnsk,not proofread.. wc; 1.1k

“I’ll make it up to you, alright? —”

But you’ve had enough, RIN ITOSHI ･ﾟ｡ saw the way tears trickled down the fat of your cheek, the way you frowned would bring the devil to his knees, repenting for forgiveness if he ever saw you cry, he thought.

Maybe Rin was the devil, with the way the silence only grew louder, an uneasy feeling that had his stomach twisting knots, it felt like it was suffocating him, but he’d never tell you that, wouldn’t he?

“You never do” You replied, not louder than a whisper but it was audible enough to make his heart ache, because he knew you were right.

Your fingers traced the desk beside you, grabbing your keys as you made your way to the door of your shared penthouse, the light being the only source of light that softly illuminated your figure as you stepped out.

Between love and ego, he didn’t know why he didn’t beg you to stay, watching your figure slowly disappear from his sight, he may not have the best eyesight but he would always spot you in a crowd.

Fists clenching the moment the door shut close, the wind chimes at the other side of the door painfully reminding him that you left, he didn’t even know if you’d return.

Maybe if he showed up to the dates he hosted, maybe if he wouldn’t be out like a light the moment his head reaches the pillow every night, not acknowledging your warmth beside him, then maybe today he wouldn’t have had to sleep alone tonight.

God, the way his lips turned into a frown when your contact was to no avail, the way his phone ringing was the only form of sound in the room with no comfort.

‘Sorry, this person cannot be reached —, He could’ve sworn his blood vessel popped, tossing the phone to your side of the bed till the recorders voice message could be faintly heard.

But he’d never leave his phone alone, not when it held all the pretty pictures he took of you, the way his phone screen glows with the beauty of your face.

Rin: come back Rin: ???? Rin: sorry. Rin: It’s getting late.

The way he felt so vulnerable, dropping his head down to the palm of his hands in defeat the moment his last message turned green, the way his face expressed the grief of your absence.

 ‘what the fuck’ why did you block him? Did it bother you that much? What were you expecting when you committed yourself to fan favorite athlete, Rin Itoshi.

With a rather bitter expression, he scrolled down to his contacts, the way his eyes skim through every contact, he couldn’t care less, none of them are you.

Scrolling down till he found the contact he was looking for, Bachira Meguru. Rin has known you long enough, loved you long enough to know that whenever an argument akins between you, you’ll always be running to him.

Throwing away all the rationality he had left in him, he dialed the number, anxiously biting the inside of his cheek as his phone rings.

“Hello?” The man with golden under lights responds, tongue laced with confusion.

“Is [name] there? Is she okay?” Rin replied, hinting a slight desperation.

Meguru let’s out a small laugh, voice faintly heard as he placed his phone to the side.

“Ya alright pretty?” Meguru replies, making you hum a soft ‘yes’ in response.

His stomach hurls at the nickname, seriously? Maybe it was the way his hands were harshly clenching his phone, or the way the bitter expression on his face wasn’t going anywhere.

He couldn’t lose you, his pretty.

So lost in thought, that the call ended moments ago, eyes tracing back to his phone that was lightly dimmed, leaving it at the night stand as he left the room, making his way down to his BMW, the perfect shade of grey that complimented his coat so nicely as he stepped into the driver’s seat.

Reaching Meguru’s apartment was one thing, but losing you was a whole other, something that could never compete with each other, harshly knocking on the door, waiting for a sign of life.

Not long after, you were there, his world, he looks down, all his pent-up frustration disappearing the moment he saw your puffy eyes, his world was fixing itself, just like a puzzle, the only thing that would make him complete is seeing your soft smile, your soothing voice, and the tingling sensation only you could make him feel when you touch him.

Before you could mutter anything out, he pulled you in for a tight embrace that you could’ve swore lasted forever, or maybe it was the comfortable silence, yeah that must be it.

“You don’t have to say anything, nothing at all. just want you back home, can’t sleep without ya” he rambles, complaining at this point before more words spill out. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you, wasn’t your fault pretty, all mine, just want you beside me again” he murmurs, lowering his head down to your shoulder, eyes closed so he wouldn’t be able to see the face you make when you’d turn him down.

To his surprise; you did the opposite, rubbing small circles on the muscle on his back. ,,‘ts okay, I’m sorry too”

“don’t be sorry, I never want you to be sorry for anything”

As what felt like ages, which is 15 minutes max for you. You pulled away from the hug, acknowledging the pair of eyes watching the two of you.

Bachira with the biggest grin on his face, head resting on the palm of his hand as he watched the two of you from his kitchen counter, the smile never so leaving, knowing he’d tease Rin all about this.

“Took ya long enough, Rin-kun!” the man behind you replies in a cheeky tone, which has earned a scoff from Rin.

‘Let’s go home pretty, kay?” Rin replies, caressing the apple of your cheek. In which you nod in response, glancing back to Bachira to wave him goodbye as you both left, hand in hand, Rin held you tightly, because he’d never forgive himself again if he let you go.

And now you’re in the passenger seat of his car, your name engraved on the passenger seat, right where you’re supposed to be, in his presence, next to him. He wants all your tomorrows, on your good days and worst, no matter what.

Bonus :

When you guys got home, he got all grumpy, hands on your waist that tightened as his head rested on your shoulder.

“Bachira called you pretty..” he’d murmur, with a frown you couldn’t see, and he’d never tell you about it.

“He didn’t lie though..” You replied, with a soft chuckle that washed over all the stress he had in him, shoulders slumping in defeat as he sighed.

“but you’re my pretty.”

“All yours, rinnie”

[earthtooz]

hello!! still new to tumblr so I have to idea how long ago that post was but I saw your requests were open!! can you please please please please pretty please do something do something fluffy with rin from blue lock??? i need to cure my craving for this man and your fics are like a pond of water in the middle of the desert 🙏

say no more fam, i gotchu. and thank you anon 😫😫 you are so kind to me for praise i do not deserve, but ask and i shall deliver!

cw: fluff! food, swearing, bad writing, unrealistic scenario but like fuck that give me the fluff.

"the hell are you doing in my kitchen?"

itoshi rin turns around rather nonchalantly, seemingly unalarmed by the fact that you caught him in your kitchen, in your apartment, a place he wasn't supposed to be.

"i'm baking something," he replies simply, not even blinking once at your dumbfounded expression.

upon entering your house, you were ready for a relaxing thursday night so you could prepare to repeat the same day again. what you weren't ready for was the sight of foreign slacks- that clearly weren't yours, at the getabako by the genkan, and you see that your household slippers had also disappeared from their usual spot.

then you hear noises from the kitchen.

a little alarmed, you don't know whether to call the police or not, then, before your concerns could be answered, you see itoshi rin's familiar face peak out from the kitchen.

what the fuck. why was he wearing your slippers?

"oh, welcome home y/n," he says very casually before disappearing again.

what the fuck?

now that you've returned to your senses just a little and finally registered the intruder-slash-athlete in your kitchen, you walk up to stand beside him, peering down at his work.

"what are you making?" you ask.

"jam sugar cookies."

"that sounds good."

he's already formed a dough at this point, kneading it on a floured surface with quite a bit of skill.

noting his talent in the craft of baking, you can't help but wonder why he decided to do it in your kitchen.

"y'know when i gave you my spare key, it was for emergency purposes and because i trust you not to do dumb shit, unlike everyone else on the team," you point out with a sigh.

the dark-haired only shrugs, now breaking the dough into smaller balls.

"why my kitchen?"

"i don't know, i wanted to spend time with you. i thought you would be back from work since practice ended ages ago."

you ignore the butterflies in your stomach. "couldn't have done that over coffee? and i was working overtime today."

once again, he doesn't answer. itoshi rin is a great conversationalist, what a riveting exchange you're having right now.

you don't see the way his face flushes from his shyness, embarrassed to be caught in this situation.

"can i at least help?"

"sure," agrees rin, moving away. "break the dough into 12 even sized pieces."

you oblige as he goes over to wash his hands, swiftly cleaning up the mess around you whilst you work in silence, pretending like your heart wasn't racing because the itoshi rin was in your apartment with you, alone. the effect a man could have on you was unnerving.

"i think i'm done," you finally announce and the soccer player looks over your shoulder with a satisfied hum, a noise that you can feel in your upper spine. why was he standing so close? you can practically feel him hovering behind you.

"i can take over from here," he says.

"you sure?"

"yeah- actually, i made a pot of fresh strawberry jam on the stove, can you bring it here?"

he made jam? is there another man more perfect than him?

listening to his instructions, you carefully set the now-cooled pot on the marble counter. "i didn't strike you as a baker," you mutter, going over to the sink to wash your hands.

"it's fun. i like it."

"you like sweets?"

"i don't mind them. my favourite are ones that aren't too sweet, but i indulge in sugary ones too."

you hum in acknowledgement, watching him for a few moments longer before the urge to change into more comfortable clothes appears again like an itch you can't scratch. "you sure you don't need my help? i need to go take a shower."

"go."

"wow, okay. i know where i'm not needed."

he doesn't say anything in response, not that you were expecting him to when you made your way out of the kitchen.

twenty minutes and a refreshing shower later, you emerge feeling a lot cleaner and rejuvenated. rin was still in the kitchen, now on his phone as he leans against the counter, waiting for the cookies to bake. when he notices you, he puts his device away and greets you properly.

"would you like to stay for dinner?" you ask, ignoring the way his eyes dip to your exposed collarbones and how the water from your shower drips down them.

if you paid too much attention to it you might explode.

"it won't be a bother right?" he asks, meeting your gaze once more. when you shake your head, he agrees. "then what's for dinner?"

"i was planning on katsu curry, that okay?"

"more than."

thank goodness you bought fresh vegetables yesterday. "how are the cookies?"

"good. they're almost done."

"can i try some after?"

"no."

the audacity. he uses your kitchen and won't spare you any? what ever happened to taxes?

whilst you're cutting the potatoes and carrots, the oven timer calls out to let you know that the cookies are finished. rin swiftly takes them out, hums in approval and lets the batch chill.

you ask him if he can prepare the rice and other ingredients whilst you prepare the pot and the sauce. it's a perfect dance of teamwork, and despite your kitchen being not the biggest, you and rin work perfectly together. sometimes in silence, sometimes speaking about mundane things that don't truly matter.

the domesticity of it all makes you sick, and of course, increases your unescapable yearning for rin. you're so infatuated with him it's annoying.

once dinner is plated, you both eat in the comfort of your kitchen bench, under the warm lighting of your home.

you didn't think you'd be ending your day like this but the complaints die in your mind before they can even be manifested. chatter is exchanged as if you don't see each other during the day, and even when both your bowls are scraped empty, neither make the move to clean up and break out of this little, precious bubble you've created.

the sun has fully set now. rin should be going back home instead of answering some 'would you rather' question you suddenly created, and although you ridicule him for his choice, the best he cracks is a small smile in amusement.

when you first met itoshi rin on your first day on the job, you didn't think you'd get along with him as well as the rest of the team but, you were proven wrong very quickly. on team dinners, nights out, coffee runs, rin always joined them despite having seeming like the most antisocial man ever, and it just became easy to spend time with him.

from then on marked your downfall.

chats in your office became a regularity, his tendency to stay late for extra practice and your tendency to stay late to finish outstanding work made you both excellent commute partners, and his punctuality and assertiveness made him an excellent team captain to rely on.

somewhere between the carpools, mundane conversations on green fields, and water filler station visits, you fell for him.

you just hope rin will let you down easily.

when the clock strikes 10:30 and you let out your first yawn, rin takes it as his sign to leave. productive in cleaning up and wishing you a goodnights rest, he's gone with a soft smile and an even softer gaze.

as your front door shuts, you feel a little empty at the silence that follows his absence.

the next morning when you arrive at work, there's a little more pep in your step due to the delightful night before. when you walk into your office after greeting the members of the team who were already there, you stop short at the sight of something unfamiliar on top of your desk.

rounding the table, your heart skips a beat in a nauseating combination of nervousness, yearning, and flattery.

a box of sugar cookies with jam pressed in the shape of a heart, sit pretty on your desk; next to a note.

go on a date with me? ─ itoshi rin

[nariism]

sea, swallow me

pair. itoshi sae x gn!reader

content: hurt/comfort, exes to friends (?)

synopsis. you and sae have a conversation by the ocean

wc: 2.6k

"do you believe in the saying 'right person, wrong time'?"

sae blinks, looking toward the water when you ask the question. it's getting cold outside - his fingers are red and numb and his cheeks hurt a little from the wind. the sun set what feels like eons ago, but when you're sitting next to him in the flesh he can't find it in himself to move.

he turns slowly to look at you. you, with your head resting on the knees pulled into your chest. you, with your hair blowing softly in the ocean breeze. you, with that stupidly hazy look in your eyes. distant. it makes his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. he might be ill.

"i don't know. maybe."

your gaze shifts to him suddenly and he nearly jolts out of his skin at the eye contact. you'd been refusing to look at him for the last while, not that he can blame you.

"maybe?" you repeat, looking away again and focusing on the little hole you're digging into the sand with your feet.

he doesn't respond to that, unable to acknowledge your words without the fear that the lump growing in his throat would turn into a sob. the silence stretches long and thin between you as you both sit there in the sand, listening to the waves crashing against the shore.

your relationship was always like that, too. pushing and pulling, water meeting the shoreline and then retreating again. over and over and over.

you notice his quietness, uncharacteristically heavy even for a man so stoic and blunt like him. "sorry. forget i asked."

sae nods, but the question still burns in his mind. he dares to look at you again, this time taking in everything that had changed about you. it'd been nearly a decade, after all. you had grown, matured, maybe gotten just a hair taller. you're still beautiful in a way that steals the air from his lungs and refuses to return it. he has to tear his eyes away from you again when he feels the desire to reach out and touch you, just to see if you're really there beside him. instead, he just sits still with his fingers twitching where they rest in his lap.

"how was your flight home?" you ask him, but you're not even sure if he would call japan home anymore with how long he's been gone.

"it was fine."

"that's good."

another awkward silence.

"did you have a good time in spain?" there's a bitter twinge in your voice. he's not surprised.

he nods again, even though he knows you're not looking. you continue anyways, because you know him so well. regardless of the years you have his every response mapped out.

"how was football? i saw some of your games on tv. it looked like fun. you were really amazing."

he swallows down the thickness in his throat at your words, still supportive even though he was chasing his dream instead of being with you. he still remembers the day he left, the day he stepped onto that plane and couldn't bear to look you in your eyes as he did so. he didn't even watch the airport disappear into the distance from the window. he couldn't. not knowing you were down there.

when he landed in europe he thought he only had two choices: the first was to break your heart gently, softly, delicately. break your heart in a way that would give you hope for his return home. break your heart in a way that would keep you loving him, clinging to the threads of your relationship despite the distance. his other option, of course, was to break your heart cruelly.

he didn't decide which he needed to do until he read his contract for royale and realized he would be in spain for much, much longer than anticipated.

and so he was merciless when he broke your heart. he didn't even spare you a goodbye, just blocking your number and severing all ties with you after giving you a prompt, underwhelming text explaining how he had fallen out of love with you. how you meant nothing to him. he thought he knew you. he thought this was the best for the both of you. he was just a stupid fucking teenager.

you and sae had grown up together. for as long as he could remember you were side by side. and so that night he closed his eyes, pictured the face you must be making as you read his text, and turned his phone off. being a childhood friend had its perks, but right now it was a heavy burden on his heart.

what followed was complete and utter radio silence. eventually you stopped counting the days, the months, the years, and gave up on contacting him ever again. it hurt. more than he would ever know, it hurt. it's why your first instinct when he showed up unannounced at your front door was for you to slam it in his face.

he's back in japan now and nostalgia claws at his throat until he can't breathe, just by simply being in your presence.

"yeah, it went well." and he doesn't elaborate any more than that. he doesn't know how much longer you'll tolerate sitting next to him, after all. he's not going to waste time talking about what he did in spain when you're so clearly irritated about it.

sae watches you carefully. your stare lingers on him for a moment too long before you're turning to face the sea again. "why'd you have to leave me behind?" you ask him with your voice low and eyes misty. a breeze blows the hair into your face and he can no longer see the expression you're making. that's better, he thinks. better for the heart pulsing weakly in his chest.

"i had to," he tells you matter-of-factly, like he always used to.

"i know. fuck, i get it. you went to go follow your dreams or whatever. i just wish i was a part of them." you sound frustrated beyond reason.

"maybe you could have been."

you laugh at this, dry and humourless and bitter. "yeah, right."

you hear him shuffle around a bit before he stands, towering over you. his hand extends out, a silent offer for you to take it. you, horrifically, do.

with the chilly wind of dusk growing wilder, the waves roll loudly onto the sand. you can hear as they crash rhythmically against the shore, even over the screaming of your heart in your ears. being beside him again is surreal, the warmth of his hand inviting you to crawl back into his arms.

"i missed you," you blurt out before you can even stop the words from tumbling. it's mortifying, the expression you make. if he weren't grieving what he lost right now, sae might have laughed. he makes a funny face at you instead, twisted up with guilt and an indescribable amount of anguish.

"i missed you, too. every day. every moment i was thinking about you," he finally lets out the words he'd been refusing to acknowledge for the better part of his adulthood. he says them so quietly, the statement carried away by the breeze.

you look unconvinced as you step away from him. one step back, then two, then you're standing out of reach from him. his heart aches dully in his ribcage.

you may (unfortunately still) love him, but you're not sure you can forgive him. not for leaving like he did. not for never calling. not for breaking your heart. not for showing up at your door without warning and dragging you out of the house on the first day he's back in japan.

his mouth opens and closes as you watch him wearily, unsure of what to say. unsure of how to make things right. unsure how he could ever forgive himself. emotion swims in his expression, though he does a better job at hiding it than a normal person would. nothing about itoshi sae is quite normal.

he stands there for a moment, allowing the rejection to sink in. he's torn between accepting your rejection or screaming into the night sky that he still loves you, that he wants to hold you and beg and grovel on his knees for your forgiveness even though he knows he doesn't deserve it. it's overwhelming and eventually he cracks, a choked sob leaving him.

he flushes partly in embarrassment and partly in shame while he allows himself to fall apart in front of you. he's always so level headed, cool and calm and collected and you're not sure you can vividly remember a time he cried other than when he fell off his bike when you were both nine and he scraped his chin on the pavement.

you hate seeing him cry. watching sae cry is like taking a dagger to the heart. you can feel the remorse in every sob that leaves his mouth, because he never does this - not for himself and certainly not for other people. you would feel flattered if it were any other circumstance.

so you sigh, swiftly stepping back into his arms and gathering his face into your hands. you guide him to your shoulder where you let him cry, just like you used to when you were kids.

he leans into you, arms staying by his side in fear that you might scurry away again if he tries to hold you. he lets out deep, shaking breaths as he tries to compose himself. he breathes in the smell of you, of your shampoo, of the spray you're wearing. it's intoxicating.

"i'm sorry."

"i know," you tell him. it doesn't go unnoticed that you leave out any signs of forgiveness.

"i regret it every day. i still do, even after all this time."

"do you?" you hum. your fingers run gently through his hair, brushing out the tangles that you used to scold him for not combing when you were younger.

your touch is driving him crazy. he wants to kiss you and hold you close and never let you go again. he loves you so much, it almost feels as if it'll consume and drown him like tides in the ocean if he doesn't tell you now. he doesn't, for his sake and yours.

"i never stopped thinking about you. i wanted to run back to you so many times - run home - but i couldn't. i was too much of a coward. so much time has passed now and i-..."

he's rambling and he knows it. you were the only person in the world that he could talk to about things like this. his best friend. not that the sentiment really held up after a decade apart. to your credit, you never did love another person the way you love sae. how can you just forget your first love?

he's silent for some time so you ask him quietly, "was it lonely?"

"yes," his answer is instantaneous. his voice shakes with grief, the realization of everything he lost crashing down on him like waves in the sea. he wants to grab you and scream in your face that some part of his soul still yearns for you. instead he just cries. "maybe i deserved it, though. for treating you the way i did."

you huff with what sounds like laughter, and for the first time in almost a decade his poor heart races in his chest. "rin always did badger me about that. asking why i was dating you when you were a jerk," you muse. there's not an ounce of malice behind your tone, no hidden sting. you're just reminiscing, he realizes. "that's okay. he didn't know his scary big brother was such a softie."

he grumbles a little in weak protest, face buried into your neck where his nose pokes into the skin. your body is so warm, the same way he remembers dreaming about it in spain.

"i'm sorry," he says again.

another sigh escapes you as you lightly pry him off your shoulder. you're frowning as you fret over him, taking his cheeks into your hands and twisting him around so you can examine him closely. your eyes drag all over his face, drinking in how much he's grown, how tired he looks and the bags under his eyes. he can't find it in himself to feel embarrassed anymore.

"come on, i'm here. don't cry," you coo at him, and he melts. you've never been good with sae when he cries, fumbling over what to do in these rare situations. your thumb grazes his cheek, wiping away the wetness that stains it. then it wipes at his lashes, drying the tears gathering in his eyes just from being touched by you again.

"how could i not? i messed up so bad."

sae feels like every moment in his life leading up until now has been nothing more than a series of failures. he crumbled in spain, changed his dream from being a striker to a midfielder, lost contact with rin, and most of all he hurt you. again and again, countless times.

most people would take one look at sae and think he has his whole life together. but you know him, sanity stitched loosely together every time he tries to pick himself back up again. he always thought that keeping his head high and loving forward despite his regrets would never catch up to him.

he was wrong. fuck, he was dead wrong. because now you're standing in front of him and he can't help but look back at all his mistakes and have his soul crushed. he was so selfish - taking from you whatever he could and you would always give everything to him, every part of you; soul and heart and flesh. he's surprised you aren't stripped bare to the bone with how much he's allowed himself to take without really having anything to return.

he can do better. he knows he can. he just had to lose you first to see it.

"i don't know how to fix this," he admits quietly.

"it doesn't have to be all at once. you can make it up to me little by little, y'know?"

you were always too nice to him. too good to such a selfish spoiled brat. you deserve better. he'll make sure to be everything you deserve this time around. to be loved and cherished and worshiped. hell, he'll kiss the ground you walk on just to prove it.

"okay..." he nods with his face still in your hands. "okay."

you're still his best friend after all these years apart. no matter the distance. no matter the time. how he couldn't see that when he was seventeen makes him want to go back and punch himself square in the jaw.

"so when is the right time?" he asks, "if i'm the right person."

you smile at him, for the first time since he's seen you, and he's falling apart all over again. there's a little amusement glimmering in your eyes. "how about we just catch up for now?"

"yeah, that..." sae swallows thickly. "that sounds great."

you're dragging him into an embrace faster than he can handle. he feels like he might turn to dust right now, or wake up back in spain like this was all some distant dream.

he holds you like the sea hugs the shore. like the horizon meets the sky. like he can finally breathe again.

"so tell me," your voice is sweet and kind in his ear, "is your spanish any good?"

he laughs.

© ALABOADOA 2023 — please do not translate or post my works to other platforms.

[sanb3rry]

hey san !! i love your writing specifically the sae reaction to edits, can we get some more hx's like that but for rin and kaiser ? hope your doing well btw <3

hi nonnie !!! tysmsm and i'm doing pretty good, hbu?

rin accidentally got a peek of your folder filled with edits of him when you guys were just hanging out in your bedroom.

"you're actually insane." he murmured as he got a closer look at the folder, furrowing his eyebrows in complete disbelief. he's one hundred percent sure he's seeing things, over 200 edits is deranged and he means that lovingly.

"i'm afraid i don't get what you mean." a sweet smile plastered on your face, some could even say you were admiring your collection.

he's beyond flattered, of course, but this is concerning. he looked back up at you slowly, "i don't- why do you- over 200?" he asks, unsure of what to question first. although to question nothing is probably the best idea.

"yea! hold on, i'll show you my favourites." you said giddily and just as those words escaped your mouth, rin itoshi's whole face turned to a deeper shade of a tomato (if that's even possible).

"no." he said before walking out the room to go calm down and definitely fan his face like a princess from the 1800s being wooed.

"what is it that you're doing, meine perle?" kaiser asked you, his arms caging you on the couch. but still, you were persistent on not showing him what you were doing on your phone.

usually he wouldn't bother you as much, he respects your privacy and most of all he trusts you.

this instance however is different. why? well, he saw you fangirling. it's the same look you have when you see him on the field or god forbid the look you have when you see an actor or idol you love.

"i'm not doing anything, what are you doing?" you pursed your lips. he narrowed his eyes at you. he knows you'll break, i mean, it's him.

"fine, okay, look for yourself." you groaned, turning the phone towards him. an edit of him played, once, twice, then thrice. kaiser wasn't able to speak for as long as minute but it felt like an hour to poor old you.

a smug smile was on his face, well, it's kaiser. "my darling was fawning over an edit? not just any edit but an edit of me? i'm incredibly honoured." he teased, squeezing your cheeks together and pecking your lips.

"leave me alone." you whined, shaking your head. you couldn't help but giggle a bit, kaiser is pretty cute.

© sanb3rry2024

[itoshi-s]

Since rin alr inspected readers pussy, why dont we give sae a shot lol

OHHHHHHHHHHH sae's so much worse than rin :(

cw: pussy inspections, overstimulation. fem reader. characters are aged up in their mid 20's.

he's so teasing and slow. takes his time prodding, touching, crooking his finger in different ways, then adding one or two more, then moves to tasting u instead or maybe just toying with ur clit :/ giving it a pinch to see if you're still going to squeal and mewl the same way u used to months ago. has an insufferable smirk on his face the entire time - but his eyes are soft, enamored bc no matter how long he's away for, your body still reacts to him the same way. you will always be waitin for him, spread out and watching with hopeful eyes, pushing past your limits like a good girl - just to satisfy him and prove that you love him so, so much :(

prob ends up cumming in his pants as he does it .......... oh lawd he just gets so desperate - but he has to check up on u first, make sure his girl's been on her best behavior 4 him :( he goes at it for hours, two or three, you can't rly tell - but you're so swollen and throbbing by the end of it, overstimulated until there are dried tears on your cheeks, bottom lip bleeding from gnawing at it so forcefully. he's just as breathless as you are by the time he's done, has this gorgeous flush spread along his sun kissed skin, pupils blown wide behind thick lashes. fuck. you've done so good, angel. he crawls on top of you, grabs your face in large hands as he brushes hair out of your eyes and presses a kiss to your forehead. so, so good. want you t' take care of me now. can you do that? yeah? that's my girl.

[k4shixe]

Barou, Karasu and rin (seperate) with an insecure chubby reader?

(if you don't take multiple characters, you can just pick👍)

Take care💗

Blue Lock Men with a Cubby Insecure Reader

Staring; Shoei Barou, Tabito Karasu & Rin Itoshi

Pairings; fem!reader x Shoei Barou, fem!reader x Tabito Karasu, fem!reader x Rin Itoshi - fluff/comfort

Word count; 550+ - headcanonns/hc

CW; insecurities, reader is chubby, not proof read, mentions of not eating (kinda ed), physical touching, kisses, mentions of hurting others, characters might not be portrayed right (personality wise) :,|

Shoei Barou

* He loved the way you were. Kind, caring and confident

* He absolutely adores you

* So when you started looking into the mirror more he knew what he had to do

* Next time you were looking at yourself again he automatically picked himself up and warped his arms around you

* He began saying the sweetest words that ever came out of his mouth just for you

* Made sure you knew how beautiful you are even if you couldn't see it

* Showed you off to everyone and kept a close on anyone who looks even towards your direction

* He just wants you to know he loves you more then anything in the world

Tabito Karasu

* When he notices you wearing more baggy clothes then usual, he couldn't lie he did feel concerned.

* He understood that 'they were much comfier' then the dresses you always lived to wear but you just suddenly stopped

* You always asked if you "looked good" or "look fat" and thats when everything clicked in his mind.

* Karasu would give you lots of small pecks on your neck and cheeks and he'd find that ticklish spot just to see you smile

* Giving you a big smirk as he wraps his arms around your shoulders from the back

* "Babe you always look amazing" he always reassures making sure you know your his queen

* And if you want to wear makeup this man will ruin it and say something like "guess you'll have to show your beautiful face to everyone now"

* If you get the slightest bit uncomfortable and insecure because "he's out of your league" which is complete nonsense to him, he will not hesitate to hold hands with you or put his arm around you and pull you closer to him.

* He absolutely loves how shy you get and that just makes him love you so much more

* If you want to exercise more he will give up whatever he's doing to be with you and help you but will always make sure you know he loves you no matter how you look.

* If you get tired he'll carry you anywhere and if you say something dumb like "im too heavy" he will just shush you

* "Babe you are the amazing, wait no. Your perfect. Actually more then perfect. Now lets go get some food, im starving."

* And when you giggle, he knows he won.

Rin Itoshi

* Rin would always complement you, on your looks, personality, everything.

* You were so perfect in his eyes

* So you must understand how confused he was when you 'didnt feel hungry' for a few days

* He sat you down and asked you what's wrong and you immediately told him because why wouldn't you?

* He already knew but it hurt more when you told him you feel insecure

* So the first thing he done was promise you that you are the most perfect person ever and gave you a kiss

* The second thing he done was take you out to your favourite restaurant and he let you buy as much as everything and everything

* Basically whatever you heart desired

* On the way home he had his arm around your waist and pulled you so very close to him so you know he isn't joking

* If anyone comments on you they better count their days

* Rin will give you extra complements,kisses, affection so your 110% sure he is certain that your his everything

* He'll also plan some cooking dates just to make sure your still eating

A/n; Super duper sorry if the characters personalities and what they would and wouldn't do dont match up or if they are the wrong ones or smth. I wanted to write a fic but it was just better in head cannons. Anyways I hope you enjoy it!

[your-local-baguette]

Bllk boys with an anxious reader.

Warnings: not proofread and anxiety. Read at your own risk

Julian loki

Julian has alway known you had anxiety, wether your good at hiding it or not. He managed to find out, but since your now in a relationship, you've been anxious because he has yet to mention it despite that he knows you have anxiety. You were scared of the moment he would, would he find it weird when you explained, would he leave, would he-

Before you knew, your breathing became heavy and the couch dipped next to you. A comforting shushing sound in your ear, tye tears that threatened to spill were like swallowed back, your breathing slowed down, while you leaned into your boyfriend touch. "Hey hey, it's alright.."

He said, running his hand up and down your back soothingly, you calmed down after a few minutes, leaning in his touch.

Julian for sure notices when you have a panic attack/anxiety attack

He tries his best to help you, although he doesn't know how it feels like

He does his best to be empathize and be there for you when you need to

Sae itoshi

You've never told sae you had anxiety, but after being in a relationship for a few months, he figured it out. But he didn't bring it up for your sake, when you had panic attack he simply pretended to brush it off as you needing help, so you didn't have to worry about his thoughts on this.

But that all shattered one day, when your panic attack gotten so bad, he had to hold you down, to others it might seem like a tantrum but, to him he saw the pain in your eyes, the sadness, the anxiety, the...fear. he held your shoulders tightly, making you look at him. "Y/n, look at me.." he said in a gentle but demanding voice. Your gaze shakily turned to his, your heart soothed, seeing his teal eyes look into yours with that...love and worry. He felt your breathing slow "that's it, that's it" he said, although barely any emotion could be seen on his face. Sae let you hug him, he didn't show much but you could feel his worries being lifted. "You did good." He said in a hushed voice.

Although sae doesn't look too worried he really is

He doesn't show his emotions to keep you from panicking even more

He can easily notice when you're on the edge

He usually knows how to calm you down

Charles Chevalier

Charles can easily notice your anxiety, but he's a little more clumsy. Although his worried expression, he tries making weird and funny faces to snap you out. He's usually pretty good at it, but sometimes it just doesn't work. That's when he knows it's serious, like really serious and he hugs you. Letting you cry on his shoulder and punch his chest if needed. It won't him, don't you worry. (Unless you are a bodybuilder but if you are maybe don't do that)

When i mean funny faces, i mean sticking on his tongue, both his eyes trying to look at his nose etc

He's really good at it

But although his smaller frame, he can hold you down if needed or let you punch his chets.

Hope it helped you my anxious babies, i stand with y'all it ain't easy i know.

[kitorin]

dear stranger.

in which, itoshi rin is terrible at keeping promises.

contents. itoshi rin x reader, hurt no comfort (just not from rin himself), childhood friends, unrequited feelings (implied), reader is a year older than rin, a bit of isagi x reader at the end, all word vomit it's past 1 am cut me some slack

a/n. kinda short since my recent fics were so long and i need a break (i have more planned anyways)

For as long as you can remember, Itoshi Rin has always been there.

You were two peas in a pod; inseparable, possessing a bond that no one could ever replicate. You've known each other since birth, and your mothers had been best friends even before you were born.

All four seasons and all year long, you were together. Winter was composed of snow fights, snoozing inside of a kotatsu, with a cup of hot chocolate. Gasping while pointing at the gorgeous cherry blossoms blooming in the spring, eagerly trying to catch the petals dancing with the wind. Splashing and kicking up water at the beach with each other, enjoying refreshing watermelon as you both bask within the warmth of the sunlight. Admiring the crimsons, saffron and golds of Autumn, giggling at the satisfying crunch of leaves lying on the pavement.

Playdates or sleepovers, either way you were both over the moon. Screaming with joy and playing together all day, later scheming to stay up all night to whisper each other every secret (all while making sure Sae sleeps undisturbed), only to pass out an hour or two later.

He's the reason why your childhood was so warm, overflowing with happy memories, the mere thought of him engulfing with you warmth.

You didn't go to the same preschools and daycares, yet you were still each other's bestfriend, and it was going to stay that way forever, if you did start primary a bit earlier than him.

"Mama what do you mean Rin won't come to school?!" The weather perfectly suited your mood, rain hammering against the roof and windows. Five year old you pouted, refusing to believe what you and his mother just announced. In protest you slammed the table, standing up.

"y/n, calm down. Rin's still going to primary as well. Just not at your school." Your mum orders you to sit down, and you obey reluctantly, as she continues throwing ingredients into the hot pot.

"But why?" A disappointed whine leaves your lips. "I want to learn more with Rinnie."

"It's okay." Rin's mother pats your hair, moving it out of your face to prevent it getting into your food. "You'll still be best friends, your mother and I didn't go to the same one either. We even grew up in different towns."

"But I want Rin at my school." Your mum sighs at how stubborn you were being.

"y/n I'll still be your bestfriend, I always will no matter what."

"But what if you find someone else." Your voice begins breaking, and your mother panics as she senses a mental breakdown, noticing early tears beginning to accumulate on your lash line.

Rin holds out his pinky. "I promise! We'll be together until we grow-, no, for the rest of our lives."

You intertwine his pinky with yours, it's so warm and soft, and his dedication makes you grin. "Promise! You're not allowed to break it."

"I swear on my life! You're not allowed to either." Both of you break out into a giggle, which earns a proud 'awwww' from your mothers, with hints of relief subtlety thanking Rin for preventing a mental breakdown from you.

That lunch had to be one of your favourites, Rin and his puppy eyes were adorable, even if his 'promise' lacked honesty and truth.

"Rin." No answer.

"Riiiin." Still no answer.

"Itoshiiii?"

He finally responds. "What?"

"Get off your phone. Talk to me." You frown, wondering what was so interesting that he'd avoid talking to you entirely, despite coming over to your house. So far all he did was remain seated in your chair, eyes focused onto the screen.

"No. It's important. 't's for an upcoming game." He doesn't even look away from his phone.

"Is it stressful? Do you want to talk about i-?"

"Shush."

You don't bother pushing the conversation, if he'd choose it over you it must've been a significant match. You spend the rest of your time reading a book, occasionally glancing at Rin.

Nothing happened.

"So, how's Rin?" Your mother asks before you sleep, doing one last check before heading to her room.

"He's good, really busy with soccer."

"You've been saying that all year. Is soccer all you talk about? What about school? Are his grades alright? How's he adapting to middle school?"

You open your mouth to answer, only to come to a horrible conclusion. You don't know. Rin's the boy you've spent over a decade with, the one who knows everything about you and you know everything about him.

Yet you can't say anything about him, aside for his dedication to soccer, which is something anyone could tell about him.

"Oh yeah! He gets along really well with his teammates, he's doing well." Before your mum suspects anything, you hastily lie, something that's not unrealistic nor concerning enough for your mother to feel the need to check. You force a yawn, hoping your mum stops asking and goes to sleep soon.

Your strategies work, as she quickly wishes you good night, leaving your room. Now you're free to start worrying.

'You've been saying that all year' now that you're finally taking it into consideration, she's right.

Because there's quite literally nothing else to tell her.

You're trying to count, trying to count how many hangouts resulted in him being glued to his phone, only stopping when your parents announce dinner.

Suddenly your lip's quivering, and anxiety blurs your vision as you feel tears gathering in your eyes.

It's still unknown to you why it's taken you forever to notice, but it's like a truck driving into you; heavy and brutal. Now that you've thought about it, you haven't properly hung out in forever, all he does is do something soccer related.

You understand having a passion. Not his cold treatment towards you, the one that was supposed to be his bestfriend.

It's just temporary, a middle school team can't even compare or come close. Rin's current behaviour was merely an attempt to adjust to middle school life, give it a year or two then you'll go back to laughing all day and building sandcastles.

"Seriously? She did that?" Rin's mum almost yells, shocked at the events recounted by your mother.

"Shhhh. Rin's sleeping."

"Poor thing... must be tired from training all the time."

You walk into the conversation halfway, blanket in hand, making your way to Rin's resting figure on the bean bag.

Gosh, he looks stunning.

His defined jaw, long eyelashes adorning his face, his bangs which rested right above his eyes, everything about him looked perfect, even if he was sleep. Even his lips look kissable in this state. You ignore that thought and carry on with what you were doing.

You're gentle and careful, ensuring you don't move the bean bag and draping your blanket over him. There's concern clouding your heart, the other day only his mum came over, apparently he had stayed home to sleep all day. You prayed his sleep schedule was okay, as you went to join your mum.

"C'mon eat more." Rin's mum smiles, she completely contrasts Rin, warm and welcoming. "Thank you for always being so nice to him. You're only a year old yet you're so much more mature. He's really lucky to have you."

If only Rin thought that. If only this 'friendship' continued because of him, instead of the close friendship between your mothers.

Your attempts to figure out what happened were fruitless, almost instantly being dismissed.

If only soccer didn't take over his life, no, if only you had stuck together during your education.

You feel so foolish, the overwhelming guilt strangling you won't go away, not even both of your mothers believe you're still bestfriends, little do they know Rin doesn't see you that way anymore. You're now essentially just strangers now,

If only he kept that stupid pinky promise.

"So Rin was that kind of person." Yoichi hums, still staring at the picture that was hidden in your desk. It's the two of you during the peak of what was supposed to be an eternal friendship, where you had an arm tightly wrapped around him. Even over a decade later you see it as a way to rub salt into the wound.

"Yeah." It wasn't easy but you ended up explaining you and Rin to your boyfriend, Yoichi. Your teeth dig into your bottom lip, fighting the urge to cry. Merely talking about him replicates the pain of that night, when you realized how truly meaningless you are to him.

"Hey." He's quick to notice your discomfort, wrapping his arms around you, lovingly patting your back. "It's okay." He whispers in your ear.

"It's not your fault."

That's what made you lose it, a choked cry and tears now streaming down your cheeks.

All this time you've been questioning if you were ever worth loving, all because someone who claimed to stay by your side forever disappeared so easily.

"It's okay, everything's okay." He continues to repeat. "I'm right here, okay? Let it all out. I'm not going anywhere."

You cling onto him, like a child. It was almost embarrassing to behave this way, weeping over someone who's probably forgotten you by now.

"'m sorry- I shouldn't be upse-"

"No. Don't treat yourself like that." Yoichi refuses to listen to anything negative about you, and that includes anything self deprecating. He carries you to your bed, placing you down gently, and joining you. Yoichi peppers you with light kisses, warmth ghosting over your face.

And he's right. You had every right to be hurt to this day. He was your bestfriend, your other half, and Rin himself took that all away from you heartlessly. The least he could've done was at least express that he wanted nothing to do with you.

"I promise you, I'm going to destroy him during our next game. I don't care if we're on the same team, I'm scoring more goals than him no matter what. No one deserves to treat you like that." Yoichi goes for a deeper kiss this time, rough, calloused hands cupping your cheeks. "Don't even think about saying you weren't good enough for Rin. You're perfect." Even after pouring your heart out and bawling because of it, you can't help but smile.

You're finally coming to terms with it, that the Rin who you'd play tag with along the graceful shores of Kamakura, was now a mere stranger to you, one that you'll hold dear to your heart.

tagging. @kiyumiya

© kitorin : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

[hana-no-seiiki]

星を探す瞳が好き

(MOSTLY IMPLIED) SOFT YANDERE! RIN ITOSHI x IDOL! READER

(ft. Sae x Reader’s Twin)

warnings: short reader, reader is older than rin, otherwise reader’s looks and info aren’t specified. all my knowledge comes from fics and wiki searching so i apologize if he’s ooc (even for a yandere)

might make a sae x reader / a fic but in the twin’s pov in the future if the brainrot persists

It had been a while since you’ve seen your twin brother’s boyfriend’s younger brother (that was a mouthful).

And you . . .

Well you barely even reached his shoulders.

And he’s two years your junior.

Throughout the dinner you four attended at home, you couldn’t help but glare at the handsome young man the entire time. Which in turn caused the meal to be hella awkward

Your brother and Sae didn’t really engage in PDA, at least verbally. Both preferred actions rather than professing their affections through words (You couldn’t count the amount of times Sae had made out with your brother after their matches on field).

And well, Rin is Rin.

So you were implicitly put in charge of creating conversation.

But Rin’s growth spurt just made you feel so jealous you couldn’t think of anything to say aside from ‘Damn you!’ or ‘Why????’.

Your annoyance was so obvious that even Rin himself noticed it. The dude with zero friends and social experience.

“You alright?” He asked, assisting you with the dishes.

“Huh? Yeah.” You averted your eyes, rubbing the sponge a little too hard on the poor plate.

“Did I . . . do something wrong?”

“What? No! It’s just — “ You put down the ceramic. Still avoiding eye contact with the younger Itoshi. “I’m . . . a little jealous of your genes that’s all.”

“My genes?”

“You grew up so quickly. I have to bend my neck to oblivion just to look at you directly.”

“But your height is part of your charm?”

“Huh?”

“It’s cute.” He took the plate and rinsed it. You could feel him staring at you intently. “Besides isn’t being shorter better for dancing?”

“Not when you’re as short as I am.” You continued doing the dishes with a sigh, pausing after properly digesting his words. “Hang on. Back up a moment will ya. You know I dance?”

“I . . . I watched all of your performances.”

“Ehhh . . . “ You nodded a few times . . . and then realized what his words meant. Finally rotating your head to face him, you yelled, “E H H H ? ! ? “

“I thought football was all you thought about!”

Now that you looked at him and can see his face, you noticed a slight flinching due to your volume. However it was quickly replaced with the smallest of smiles. “It used to be. My teammates listen to your songs a lot during practice and it just sort of stuck with me.”

“Point is. I like that part about you. I’m sure many of your fans do too.”

Before you two finish by drying everything with a towel, you spray a bit of water on Rin with your hands causing a bit of war. A really wet one.

It was about to get even wetter when you threatened to use a bowl of water but Rin beat you by caging your body and trapping your arms to the sink’s edge.

His face was inches from yours.

“Rin?”

He soon let go of your limbs, using his hand to trace your features. From your eyelids, to your cheeks and then your lips. He puts a little pressure with his thumb, almost inserting it into your mouth.

Then, his teal eyes met yours. His long, pretty under lashes mesmerized you, almost distracting you from the fact that his large figure was suffocating yours.

“I’d say you’re pretty luck when it comes to genes.”

EXTRA:

Rin lived and breathed football. Every moment was dedicated towards his passion.

That was still the case til now. It just so happened that his passion included you.

“Rin!” He recognized that voice immediately. He’s surprised he didn’t get whiplash with how fast his head swerved to meet your form.

“[Y/N]—?“

“Got a copy of your jersey! What do ya think ? “ You gave him a little spin, letting him see how the jersey basically swallowed you whole. He makes a mental note to slip in one of his used ones into your wardrobe. He was adept at discreetly taking stuff out of it anyways.

He was so flustered that he completely forgot to respond, so you opted to take his silence as approval, “I’m guessing you like it?” You winked. You’ve gotten a lot bolder since the reunion dinner and acted a lot more like your ‘idol’ self around him at times. He didn’t know whether he liked it or not. On one hand it was the personality he fell for at the beginning, on the other it was getting increasingly more difficult not to take you.

“Mhm.” He nodded. Fists clenched so tight he could feel some blood leaking. Self control was just so hard when he was around you.

“Is that . . . the [L/N] [Y/N]?” He heard his teammates holler behind him.

He grimaced, knowing they’ll hog your attention for the following moments.

But at least that means both of you were safe from his aching lust and obsession this time.

星を探す瞳が好き　

hoshi wo sagasu hitomi ga suki

— Those eyes that search for the stars, I love them / I love those eyes that search for the stars

— Lyrics for D4DJ Photon Maiden’s 暁 Akatsuki (Dawn)