#its 2am now bedtime

[libras-interactives]

for those curious abt progress on Devil's Moon, I've added 5k to chapter 1 (bc im adding a new Deal and Occupation wheeeee) and 15k to Chapter 2 so far ...... I probs need another 5~7k before I'm fully finished with Chapter 2 (!!!!!). Scary to think about ....... I wanna draft it all before I code it. I wanna finish before Feb 1st so baaaddd

(also not gonna put out the CSS version until ch2 is done, ive decided. its just too time consuming rn and im more in a mood to write new story than learn new code)

fav new things ive written so far is a call with flynn (i got heebie jeebies re-reading so thats a good sign ???), one of Marius' flirty scenes and the backstory stuff for the new Deal

[flutteringfable]

hey guys i heard fable was getting a cool new outfit for this year's windblume festival? it costs like 40 usd but like. it's kinda fire so i might get it idk.

people have been pointing out the ring on their hand? it isn't visible underneath buns gloves on their regular model so its kind of a surprise. everyone's speculating on who they're married to, and the general consensus seems to be that it's venti. i can get behind that; the cecilia on their flower crown matches the positioning of his and the gem on their necklace almost looks like the gem pin thing on venti's shirt. i know its not concrete evidence but couples with matching outfits is cute as hell to me okay let me have this

the name is really interesting too: harpastum maid.

the description reads as follows:

"a light, breezy outfit fable chose specifically for the windblume festival. buns friends joke that it makes bun look like a maiden chosen to throw the harpastum in festivals long ago."

if we're going by the theory that they're married to venti, he's probably the first one to make this remark. it's a fun thought, i'm kind of obsessed with this new venti ship hehe :3c

[pedge-page]

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife # 8- Drama Queen

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Can be read with others in series or alone

Warnings: allusions to sex, mostly fluff and comedy

- - - -

Its been a pretty quiet evening, and with you home, thats saying something. Joel's minding his business watching Tv when you come plopping down next to him on the couch. He doesn't acknowledge you.

So you scoot over and sigh heavily. Still No reaction from the male.

You feint a yawn and snuggle your head on his shoulder. He smiles a little, but doesn't look at you. You rub affectionately like a kitten.

Nothing.

Take the hint, you stupid hunk.

Your pretty manicured hand creeps on his thigh, stroking up and down senually with delicate fingertips.

He knows where this is going, but he won't entertain you. He coughs a little, bored, and continues scrolling channels. Wants to see how far you'll go to get what you want.

As if on cue, you persist. Wrapping your arm over his broad shoulders, hitching your knee awkwardly on his thigh despite the baby in your belly squirming at the uncomfortable angle. You playfully boop his nose, giggling like a flirt. He purses his lips, but nothing else.

You stare at his profile, that unique Joel Miller look of concentration. Handsome and stoic—that little shithead.

You're teasingly rubbing your fingers through his scruff, twisting gently as a massage.

You bring your lips and kiss him kindly on the cheek. Something sweet. Innocent. Then again, but a little longer. Then some more, peppered down his jaw, along his pulse. Heated and wetter. Growing more needy and nipping his ear, making little happy moans as your hand continues to wander over his legs, tip toeing to his crotch.

Joel sighs, finally looking at you. "There a reason you're trying to get me turned on, ma'am?"

"Mmm," you hum, biting your lip and staring his plump ones. You crawl closer, breasts smashed against his bicep as you lick your lips, tongue peaking out with lusty eyes trying to put him under your best charm. Yesyesyes give it to me, Fucker!

"I want a Big—" you kiss his nose "—Messy—" teeth nip at his lower lip "—Hot—" you peck him teasingly, sucking his flesh in your mouth so he knows you mean business. Then you stare down at him with your serious eyes, foreheads pressing,

"—Fudge Cookie Dough Chocolate Gooey Fantasy Milkshake with extra Rainbow Sprinkles from Clyde's Creamery."

Yeah. He knew exactly this is where this was going.

He cracks a warm smile, cupping your jaw and parting your lips with his thumb. You suck it into your mouth, hoping to please him. Just as hes about to kiss you, he leans in and says, "No. Its 11pm. Bedtime."

You get off his lap with a cold shoulder and a scoff, proceeding to ignore him for the rest of the night.

Hes evens surprised when you go to bed still silent, facing away from him without a kiss goodnight when you turn off your lamp.

Until it's 2am when he's startled awake by the sound of the the front door opening. He's storming downstairs trying not to trip, and haphazardly throwing a shirt on backwards while in his boxers, only to see you with a packed bag, hand dramatically caressing  your bump with fake ass tears down your cheek going outside to the car.

"Where the FUCK are you going??" He asks, rubbing his eyes. Aggravation and rough exhaustion evident in his tone.

"You said you didn't love me, so I'm leaving," you huff. There's no hint of a joke in your words. Genuine pain. Hurt. Quiet and walking away. You dont wait to see his reaction and without another word, you turn to leave.

Hes so whiplashed, wracking his brain trying to remember any time he even remotely could have said something like that and you interpret it—

"I SAID YOU COULDN'T HAVE A HOT FUDGE COOKIE DOUGH CHOCOLATE GOOEY FANTASY MILKSHAKE because it was FUCKING 11PM AND CLOSED! Now get your fat beautiful ass and our baby back in here and dont ever pull this stupid stunt again!"

You scowl at him, preventing any physical reaction of your internal swooning he thinks my ass is pretty. You hold your ground and refuse to move from your position, defiant, in flip flops and a long nightgown on the front porch at 2am.

Joel furrows his brows and closes his eyes, soothing over the wrinkles you've caused to grow on his forehead.  "Fuck. I'll get you one tomorrow morning for breakfast. Okay?"

You smile giddily and skip back inside "Okie!" You step past him drop your shit on the couch, kissing him on the cheek. "Dont forget the extra rainbow sprinkles."

He grunts, glad that it's dark enough in the house you can't see how exhausted and annoyed he is.

"Oh and close the door, Joel! You'll wake the neighbors with your unnecessary shouting bit. Dramatic much?" You scoff, and waddle up the stairs and right to bed like nothing happened.

-

Tommy also has access to your ring camera notifications and sees Joel and you out there and the whole conversation, and he's laughing so hard when he watches the playback. He teases grumpy exhausted Joel the next morning, conveniently with a to-go milkshake in his hand at 8am.

"Softy for your girl?"

"Shut up."

"And when you have the baby, then there's gonna be two of her!" Tommy wheezes.

Joel's saggy and wrinkled eyes manage to open wider than ever as that particular horror sets over him.

- - - -

Permanent Taglist

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[maximwtf]

“As per new routine”

Alhaitham x Reader

Words: 870

Google Docs Pages: 1,5

Warnings: established relationship, fluff, no angst no hurt?! That's a new one for me :”D Bedtime sillies, sleepy cuddles. Written by someone awake at 3am, proofread by the same person awake at 2am. Mistake prone, I’d say. (At the very least, I tend to repeat myself when tired :"D)

Opening: Coming back from work rather late, only to find him waiting for you. 

AN// G/n reader. Eeh, this is again gonna be one of those fanfics I thought of writing and then remembered I’ve never written for said character nor do I plan on doing so in the future. But I felt like this was needed, even if this is shorter than what I usually make :”D

“As per new routine”

Getting home late had become a little more usual than in the past. But that was merely due to the amount of work coming in recently, and by no means would this continue on for forever. But what it did entail was a change in your usual routine, which meant it also affected Alhaitham’s. Though, so far you hadn’t even gotten him to mention your late appearances back home. 

So as per routine, you arrived back home late. Tiredly attempting to make your way in quietly, expecting that Alhaitham would have been asleep by now. Kaveh on the other hand was most likely still awake, pulling an all-nighter with his projects. So he wasn’t exactly a worry you had. 

Sneaking carefully further, abandoning your bag by one of the couches. Not bothered to start undoing its contents so late in the night. Having already left your shoes by the door, you start making your way towards the bedroom. Combing your hair out with your hand, an attempt to ease the exhaustion and slight stress of the day. Opening a few buttons from your shirt while at it, ready to hit the hay as soon as possible. Knowing there was going to be yet another long day awaiting tomorrow. So every minute of sleep counted for something. 

Attempting to quietly open the bedroom door was for no use. Seeing as even to your surprise, Alhaitham was awake, calmly reading a book on his side of the bed. It wasn’t the book that surprised you, but the fact that he’d seemingly stayed awake because of you. Alhaitham on the other hand didn’t seem fazed, barely even reacting to your arrival. Only turning a page of the book, “you worked later than usual.” A calm comment breaking the silence right after. His eyes still calmly scanning the pages, not having even looked up. 

Any initial surprise disappeared, finding it almost funny how you’d initially claimed this as odd. But the more you sat on it, the more it seemed in character for him to do. Alhaitham had just seemingly stayed up and waited for you, he just hadn’t bothered to do so the previous times.

Making your way to your side of the bed and sitting down, you took a moment before answering him. “I had to catch up on a few things,” you stated calmly. Not mentioning anything of your previous surprise of his behaviour. Knowing it hadn’t been because he was worried about your absence, he knew you were going to come back. Even if later than usual. 

“You’re running a better schedule than he is,” Alhaitham commented. Eyeing the direction of the hallway, not having to guess he was insinuating at Kaveh. His comment gaining an amused hum from you, in truth being exhausted enough to not have the energy for unnecessary comments. Especially if it had to do with their silly banter, as much as you liked to watch it go down usually.

And you suspected that Alhaitham noticed that, dropping the topic as a comfortable silence fell between the two of you. Allowing you some time to change into something a little more comfortable to sleep in. Buf after getting that done, your gaze landed on the nightstand. Realising that you’d forgotten to get a glass of water before making your way to the bedroom. Having been in such a hurry to get some sleep. 

Your eyes moved to Alhaitham’s side, noticing the glass he had. Not saying anything, you reached over him for the glass. Getting a slight grunt from him for blocking the view of his book. In the end not even being able to reach the glass itself. 

He closed the book, gently pushing you back and while placing the book back on the nightstand, handing you the glass. While also giving you a look, insinuating that you could have just asked him for it. For which you allowed him a chuckle. 

“You don’t need to make this a habit, you know?” You commented, taking a sip of the water. Noting how it was still rather cold. “Waiting for me, I mean,” you added while handing back the glass. 

You’d somehow gotten used to how low maintenance your relationship with him was. So seeing him pay attention to you coming home later than usual, all of a sudden felt odd. But there was something endearing about it as well. 

“I wasn’t going to. I was only seeing when it was you’d started coming back.” Alhaitham answered. And of course he had known of your recent habit of coming home later than usual. Even when you’d made sure to check that he’d been asleep each time you’d done so. 

“Did you get an answer?” You asked calmly while getting under the covers. “Yes,” he answers with a reciprocating tone, copying your movements. 

There was a comfortable silence for a moment as the two of you lay still. Before you turned to face him, inching closer. He allowed it, like always. The feeling of him making space for you familiar, as you settled against him. Sleep overtaking your tired form rather quickly, breathing in his familiar scent. Not having the time to notice his arm placing itself loosely on your waist. 

[likedovesinthewindd]

thinking about ex husband!patrick again...who tries everything he can to get back into your life.

you have a daughter together, and he's always counting down the days untill you drop her off for the weekend. obviously because he wants to see her, but also because he wants to see you. he always asking you stupid questions about her diet and bedtimes because he just wants to talk to you for a little longer than you'd deem necessary. (he also thinks it's hot when you get angry at him about him not knowing these things by now. he obviously knows it all, though)

he knows he shouldn't, but sometimes he asks your daughter if "mommy has a boyfriend" and he has to physically stop himself from smiling like a madman when she says no. he also acts all innocent when you'd call him later that night after picking her up, cussing at him for interrogating his daughter about your personal life.

he stalks you on all your socials, always checking to see if you're maybe seeing someone and what you've been getting up to since you refuse to tell him anything about your personal life. you just look so much happier, so beautiful with a unmistakable glow. and like a loser, he'd soon find himself jerking off to a picture of you from that your friend posted on facebook on your birthday. and when he was done and the post-orgasmic buzz hadn't quite worn off yet, he'd be sending you a string of texts at 2AM, telling you how much he misses you and how he just wants to fix things. this happens more times than he'd like to admit, and you almost never answer him back.

he still wears his wedding ring, and you've stopped asking him why he does by the third vague answer he's given in the past, but he still sees your eyes subtly searching for its presence every time you see him. looking to see if it's still there, if you still had that hold on him. and it's still there every time.

[doomwadz]

“send this to everyone you know. the more you know me the better.

Full name: Eric Harris

Nicknames: REB, reverend, indigo, WAR

Birthplace: Wichita, KS

Birthday: 4/9/81

Where Do You Live Now?: hell. a few days ago people called it littleton.

Parents: Wayne and Kathy

Sibling(s): Kevin

Looks: 5’10” 140. skinny but handsome, some say

Favourite Animal: Dogs, bald eagles

Favourite show(s): i hate TV

Favourite Kind(s) Of Music: industrial

Favourite Movie(s): Lots Highway (i think he meant Lost Highway)

School former: Columbine High School

Future School: none

Future Job: none

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Nope

Best buds: the 4 horsemen. me (war), vodka (death), REDACTED (famine), REDACTED (pestilence)

Favourite Candy: slim jims

Hobbies: doom, guns

Things you collect: fireworks, gunpowder

Do You Have A Personal Phone Line?: its the computer line too.

Favourite Body Part Of The Opposite Sex.? Legs.

Any Tattoos And Where Of What?: None yet.

Piercing(s) And Where?: hell no.

What Do You Sleep In?: Boxers.

Do you like Chain Letters: burn em.

Best Advice: Follow instincts.

Favourite Quote: kill em all. lets rock. BUCK DICH.

non-sporty activity you enjoy: Computer, shooting.

Dream Car: hummer (ew)

Favourite Thing To Do In The Spring: shoot stuff, blow up stuff

What’s Your Bedtime?: Whenever.

Where Do You Shop?: try not too. army surplus or hot topics. even though its a trendy little place.

Coke or Pepsi: Coke

Favourite Thing(s) To Wear: black stuff and sunglasses.

Favourite Subjects In School?: Bowling

Favourite Colour(s): black

Favourite People To Talk To Online: REDACTED in CSU

Root-Beer or Dr. Pepper: toss em both.

Do You Shave? wheni feel like it

Favourite Vacation Spot(s): mountains

Favourite Family Member(s): bro.

Did You Eat Paint Chips As A Kid?: No

Favourite CD You Own: a custom burn of gothic industrial

The ONE Person You Hate The Most: are cops one person?

Favourite Food(s): salsa sunflower and slim jims

Who Is The Hottest Guy/Girl In The World? REDACTED something. a few others.

What Is Your Favourite Salad Dressing?: ranch

When You Die, Do You Wanna Be Buried or Burned Into Ashes?: burned.

Do You Believe In Aliens?: i believe your probbed ass i do

If You Had The Chance To Professionally Do Something, What Would You Do?: blow up things.

Things You Obsess Over: guns bombs doom

Favourite Day Of The Week: Friday

A Teacher You Hate: REDACTED

Favourite Disney Movie: burn em all

What Is Your Favourite Season? Summer

What Toppings Do You Like On Your Pizza? pepperonis and green peps

Do You Like Your School Food Itself (As In District Food):

If You Could Live Anywhere, Where Would You Live?: phobos

Favourite Thing(s) To Do On The Weekends: bowl and get stoned

Favourite Thing(s) To Clean Up: eh?

Favourite Magazine(s): guns and ammo, penthouse, time.

Favourite Flower(s): this chinese one i saw.

Favourite Number(s): 7, 666

Favourite Ice Cream Flavour(s): cooke dough!!!

What Kind Of Guys/Girls Your Attracted Too?: sexy and fun ones.

(theres no 67-)

Whats Your Most Embrassing Moment?: getting arrested

If You Could Change One Thing About Yourself, What Would It Be?: weight

Do You Eat Breakfast First And Then Brush Your Teeth or Brush Your Teeth Then Eat Breakfast: i eat breakfast and then brush my teeth.

Favourite Time Of The Day: 2am.

Can A Guy And A Girl Be Just “Best Friends?”: i guess.

Do You Ask The Guy/Girl Out Or Do You Wait For Them To Come To You?: ask em out

Do You Mind Paying For Sex?: depends on who its with, but no not really

Whats The Most Important Thing To Somone’s Personality?: compassion

do you have a cell phone or a pager? hell no

favourite sport: soccer

What Was The Best Gift You Ever Received?: my 86 honda prelude

How Long Did This Letter Take You To Finish?: 5 min

What Did You Listen To While Completing It?: nothing

are you or would you like to be married in the near future (next 5 years)?: no

dont u just hate how psychics never win the lottery?: would rather rob.

btw forgot to put a title but this is a survey that eric did that i found on reddit somewhere :)

[domesticandlovingmonsters]

Visiting Raven

Monster Pairing: Connor (Male!Vampire) x NB Reader Notes: short story, sfw, cuddles; I tried to find this on my blog but I think Tumblr ate it up. So, I'm reposting it after trying to clean up my masterlist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tap Tap Tap Tap

You grumbled and rolled over onto your side. Shoving your face into the pillow, trying to drown out the irritating sound by your head.

TapTapTapTap

The sound picked up pace this time. And the echo of the sharp noise against glass radiated through your bedroom. You groaned and drowsily waved your hand in the air. As dismissing whoever was making that noise.

TAPTAPTAPTAP CRACK!

You shot up into a sitting position. A loud yelp of surprise as the harsh sound split the somewhat silence of the night. Your window was splintered with spider-webbed cracks. All leading towards the centre where a black beak was pierced through the glass. A large raven stood outside the now broken window. Eyes wide in shock as it looked to you, to the window and then back. You said nothing. Only stared as the bird yanked its beak out of the glass; breaking it even more to the point that shards of window fell to the floor.

"Err, I'll fix that, lass." The raven cooed. A thick Irish accent clicking through its beak. It then hopped through the large hole it made in your window. "Promise."

You glared daggers at the raven. Deciding you were far too tired to deal with Connor's shit right now. A glance at your phone, told you it was 2am in the morning. The Sun was no near rising and you were very pissed off now. So, to keep the peace between you and your friend, you threw the blanket over your head and collapsed back into bed. Ignoring the raven completely. A soft croak could be heard outside the blanket's confines. And then the sound of rustling feathers followed, quickly replaced by a dramatic sigh and cold body crawling up behind you. Outside the blanket, Connor tickled the area were your back should be. You couldn't see it, but he was wearing one of his very guilty "kicked-puppy" faces. One you absolutely knew he'd play on until you forgave him for the window.

"Come on, lass. It was an accident. I really am sorry." He purred, letting his accent thicken slightly as he rested his chin on your shoulder. "Look at me. Ya can't stay made at something this pretty."

"As long as I don't look at you, I can stay infuriated as long as I damn well please." You grumbled. Eyes tightly closed and covered by your arm. Just encase Connor got any bright ideas to rip the blanket off you.

Connor sighed. Moving so he could nuzzle his face into the crook of your covered neck. His arm snaked over your waist and he gently squeezed you against him. "I'll make it up to ya. How about a coffee date?"

"At 2am?! I'll be up for the rest of the morning! No." You snapped.

"I'll read you a bedtime story." Connor suggested. A cocky smile stretching his lips. "Sing you a lullaby in Gaelic? Come on, lass. Give me something. I feel really bad about what I just did."

You sighed. Stretching out the moment of silence just to torture him. But after a few seconds, you threw back the blanket and gave Connor one of your most venomous glares your tired mind could bring up. "Why are you here, Connor? You know I have a rule about being woken up after midnight."

"I know. I know. And I am sorry, but I needed to ask a human a question. And you're the only human that answers my weird questions seriously and without judgement." Connor seemed to perk up now you were out from under the blanket. Which, and you'd hate to admit it out loud since you're trying to be stern with him, was too adorable for a grown 400 year old Vampire to be.

You turned to lay on your back, giving Connor your attention and also to cuddle somewhat into his chest. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

"I heard from a Plague Doctor that Humans have enough bacteria in you to weigh around four pounds. Is that true?" Connor's eyebrows tweaked in a way that only added to how childish he looked. Like a toddler asking how the moon phases worked or why the sun goes down every day.

You were caught off guard by the question. Why on earth would a Plague Doctor know that? And why was Connor even with Plague Doctor?? "I, uh, I actually don't know. Let me look it up." You reached over to your phone and opened it up. Tapping away and clicking on various sites that came up. You read them quickly, mostly breezing through the words until something caught your interest. As much as Connor was capable of looking this up himself, you knew he also liked sharing knowledge with you. It was half the reason why he brought really weird questions to you. And also, you were sure he just wanted to excuse to come see you.

"Ah, ok. So, what I can tell, we just have a shit-ton of bacteria. A few sites say the amount could collectively weight a few pounds if put all together. And apparently we have more bacteria cells than Human cells. Huh, the more you know." You said, glancing up to look at Connor. Who was also reading over your shoulder at what was on the small screen.

"So, the Doctor wasn't wrong. But neither really right." Connor murmured.

"I mean, he could be right. Also, who is this Plague Doctor? I didn't think they still exist." You asked with interest. Lowering your phone so Connor's crimson gaze had to focus on you. Your flight or fight reflex kicked in motion for a moment as his red pupils fixed on you. It was a common thing with him. And it still made you feel guilty to remember how you use to cower under his gaze because of his predatory gaze. Thankfully, it wasn't so bad now.

"An old fart who still wears the freaky bird masks. We got talkin', he's my supplier for O type blood. Makes it easy so when I'm lazy I can just call him up." You rolled your eyes but nodded. Attempting to go back to reading, only to be suddenly crush under a certain Vampire who decided to drape himself ontop of you. He caught your phone as it was slapped out of your hands. Carefully placing it down on the bedside table before turning his gaze back to you. A cheeky smile played along his lips and you couldn't help but feel a little flustered under this circumstance.

"Connor, what are you doing?" You asked. Pretending not to feel a little giddy with the Vampire leaning over you.

"Gettin' comfortable." He replied. Winking down at you before he moves his arms under your back to properly hold you. Then, he shoves his face against your bare neck. Pressing a gentle kiss there before nuzzle just under your jawline.

You smiled and shook your head. Allowing your arms to wrap around him and trail idly along his back. Scratching between his shoulder-blades and scraping the strands of hair above his neck. Connor shivered with a soft whimper of delight. He was much like a puppy. Loved attention, and loved getting scratched along his back.

"Is this the other reason you broke my window tonight?" You asked, holding a small bit of irritation to the snarkiness in your voice. Connor huffed softly. Reluctantly pulling his lips away from your neck to properly look down at you.

"I really am sorry about the window, lass." Connor pouted. Eyebrows dipping in a guilt ridden expression. Lips pursed in a way that made him look like he was about to cry. All while his fingers gently brushed along your cheeks. Tucking your hair behind your ear and tickling soft skin of your shoulders. You groaned heavily and held his face in your hands.

"Stop using that damned adorable face! I forgive you! You're fine, but seriously. Did you come here to cuddle?"

Connor nodded and buried his face back into your neck. His arms flexed for a moment, giving you a tight embrace before releasing you. "Yes. I'm needy and clingy. I need cuddles or I get grumpy." The Irishman grumbled. The soft tickle of his voice against your neck made you giggle. And you couldn't help but squeeze him back. "That's fine. Just next time, don't tap against the window. I'm like a goldfish. I get startled easily." 

[novistarplanet]

 2am

just thinking about you and Mistuya spray painting that's all

wc: 250

cw:fluff , domestic Mistuya,rebels

a/n : hope you enjoy :) please like,comment,reblog and fllw🩷

 The sun came and go the night came creeping in slowly, settling into the sky. Children getting ready for bedtime stories and adults coming home from work, the lights of old street lights turning on, attracting moths swarming the little barrel of light. The sun going now for its rest now and the moon coming up 

but that doesn't stop everyone as one side rest the other side is getting up

 Walking down roppongi to meet your lover wasn't the best idea. It's many brothels, drug dealers, clubs, and gangs but to you, it's so much more than that.

 you turn the corner to be welcomed with a silhouette and the sounds of spray cans dropping and hitting the other cans with a clak!

 “I didn’t think you’ll make it” He stops painting and walks over to you

he kisses your lips passionately wrapping his hands around your waist

“mhmm yea? well I'm here now and I see you started without me” You turn your head to see sketches of dragons all connecting with each other representing how you were with Mistuya “Well I save you some of the work we still got to do the details” he speaks sighing as he goes back to his spot

you walk behind him pulling your bag off your back and opening it to reveal cans and paints

“I just hope you won't go to sleep this time”

regardless of which side you're on, you rather be on the side with your lover

[denfucker]

oh god. i need fanfiction to fall asleep. 5 minutes ago i was wide awake and wondering why the hell i wasnt tired, even though i have to wake up for an 830 class tomorrow, was i going to stay up til 2am again, so i decided to pull up a fanfic to read. now i feel my eyelids drooping. oh my god. i still need a bedtime story to sleep. except instead of fairytales its macdennis sucking and fucking and angst i guess

[eggthew]

so the past week I have been trying to fix my sleep schedule and it is starting to work!! its still not great but it's a lot better than before. which is good :) however its frustrating because I do function better later at night, can focus better, somewhere around the 10pm-2am mark, but I now go to bed at 10.30pm. so I'm still not getting a lot done. I will start really getting into the swing of drawing and then my doctor prescribed bedtime rolls around

[gales-boyfriend]

7pm bedtime was setting me up for failure 😔 was really sleepy when i was hanging out with my friends past midnight then started to get used to staying up late again but hanging out with my family exceeded like 2am and i was still sleepy and now its almost 4am and im finally ready to go to sleep 😭 like ive been sleepy for the past couple hours but it felt wrong to sleep 😔 but now its okay to sleep :D

[legobatjoker]

okay its 1:30 umm. the way i told myself i wldnt have a 2am bedtime agian and now i almost defiantly will anywayy DFGDFHDF so ihave to go to bed now so this may be short bc of that but beforei do i do just really wnat to say that !! i really do love you so so much dearest i rly do !! like you really are just such a wonderful friend whos so kind and understanding and thoughtful and sweet and just good to me and ik youre always here for me through whatever and that just makes me feel soso loved and cared for and safe with you beloved and i hope you know that really does just mean the world to me and you really do mean the world to me love youre really such a wonderful warm comforting presence within my life like just talking with you and spending time with you and being your friend brings sm light and joy and love into my life love and i hope you know that you really are just the most incredible wonderful person and i really hope to always be here for you in every way i can love and ihope you know that ireally do love you soso very much :'> i hope your days been good and that you sleep well tonight, ilusm <3 💕💕💞💞🌻🌺🥭🍰🍊🌷💗✨✨

answering this close to 1am heyyyyy JABJBJA its sooo reallll the way we need to get better ab sleep and simply cant HABHB but yeah i hope u do manage to get some good rest and !!! i rlly do love you sooo much tooo like you are such a kind understanding thoughtful friend to me as well and i love you sososooo muchhhhh like you truly do mean tthe world to me too and u bring sm warmth tooo my life and i am sosoooo glad i can do the same for you and i truly do just love you soo sooo veryy much hhhhhhhhh ilyuyyyy <333<333<333<333<333 gnight!!

[caruliaa]

okayokay it is past midnight but only just (its so bad that i consider that an accomplishment shsbsjjs) but i am going to tryyy to go to sleep now altho. i mean. we'll see AHBAHABA but i rlly will try but first !!! i want to send this ask to say that auoughhh you are such such a good friend mushroom like you are truly so thoughtful and considerate and caring and you truly mean the world to me and make my life soooo so much bettter and brighter and warmer and on top of that there's also the fact that you!!! are suchhhh a good lovely wonderful personn strawb !!! like you really are so so incredible and endearing and loveable and good andd i just feel soooooo lucky to get to know youuu and be your friend and !!! i care smmmmm abt youu and i love youuuuu soooo so muchhhhhh !!! (hugs youu for a bit if you wld like !!! 💖💖💖💖💗💗💗💖💖💞💞💞💝💝💖💖) gnightt<3<3<3

i get tht sm like. unfortunatellyyy we are at the point of 2am bedtime most nights which is NOT !!! GOOD !!!! i need to work on tht FGDFHGDF anyway omg ur so so sweet dearest u rly are ;; i hope you know that im soso glad that i can be such a good friend to you dearest and be so considerate and caring to you and make your life better and warmer and stuff dearest i really am becuase you really do deserve it so so much love and just becuase i really do want to becuase you really are just soso dear and special and important to me dearest and are just !! so so wonderful i think like you really are such an amazing friend to me too whos so thoughtful and kind and understanding to me and make me feel soso loved and cared for and and safe with you and just knowing you and being your friend and spending time with you really does just bring me soso much joy and light and happiness and warmth and comfort dearest and you really are just such an incredible amazing person in my life and thee world and i really am just soso lucky to know you and i hope you know you really do just mean everything me and i really do love you so so very much dearest <3 *hugs you back for a while if ud like * 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💕💕💕💕💕💕💖💖💖💖💖💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[paparazzifuckoff]

Ψευδεπίγραφα

his name was _____. He had short coarse blond hair and sometimes I wonder if he had ocular albinism bc his skin was very very very white and had like- no pigment and his eyes were what I now call heart attack blue bc I nearly had a heart attack when I let him make eye contact and in typical autism fashion I looked behind him distressedly not only because eye contact is uncomfortable but also bc his eyes were such a pure, light, ice blue that my heart skipped a beat and didn’t rectify itself for hours afterwards. Either way he was very pale but in a natural kind of way and his eyes were a light shade I’ve yet to see repeated so, ocular albinism maybe? Iirc that one’s a sex-attached trait and he was indeed a cis man so ‘twouldn’t be too hard to believe. He had soft lips and a sexy jawline. He had a kissable adam’s apple. Sometimes he’d snuggle into me the way a small child snuggles into its parent when it’s scared and other times he’d wrap his arms around me and hold me. He would always take the chance to hold my hand and he had the cutest smile. The way his face could bury itself in my neck was comfortable and felt right. We danced in his living room one day just because we could. He forgot to wear a shirt that day and we spent a good half a song standing still making out because I just had to kiss him and things got out of hand. The song was Take This Waltz by Leonard Cohen. I sang him the last stanza from memory because I wanted to and I was in love. He fell alseep in my arms one afternoon, holding the love letter I’d written him at 2am the nigth before anout the baobab trees in Le Petit Prince by Antoine de St Exupéry and The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. He hadn’t read either and didn’t fully get it due to that and the incoherence bc I wrote it when I was half awake and on the dark. But he fell asleep in my arms one summer day. It was the last time I’d hold him. But I didn’t know that. And all was right with the world. If for just an hour.

Most would say I miss him but I’m past that at least. But I wish I did. Or at least part of me does. Missing him, missing the love we had, missing home, it’s all bundled into a tight little pack of mourning I carry with me, like a medicine bundle but instead of bearing cleansing and a pure soul I bear muddied waters and melancholy. I mourn the love I had for him. Do I mourn it because I wanted to keep it safe, the way I wanted to keep my love of my hometown safe? In losing the feelings that once burned for him, is it that I feel like an ember has replaced parts of my hometown in my heart? I don’t know and don’t want to.

One summer afternoon I was ambitious and began reading a too-long-for-my-teenage-attention-span study on a too-specific-to-be-a-normal-interest topic and then a few days later when I was done summarizing the 50 pages I’d read that day I went over to his house and we ate summer fruits on the porch and he read my love letter and his dog won more than the usual affection afforded an unfamiliar dog for the first time, and then some fingers a hand a wrist a knee his lips his arm his shoulder his thigh and his neighbours are busybodies so we went inside to continue whatever it was that started there and a bed a playful shove a fall a long sweet kiss some fingers a hand an arm a button a chest and he was mine and I was his and then the sun stayed up too late as he fell asleep in my arms because I was on love so bedtime is 4PM if he wanted it to be. And all was right, for an hour. It was the last time I held him.

[generallybarzy]

smile like sunshine iv

Tuesday: ~ 7.9k I’M SO SORRY

previous chapters: i // ii // iii

an: I HAD WRITERS BLOCK BUT THEN IT ALL HIT ME AT ONCE. I thought it was gonna be a short filler chapter but.... 7.9k words later here we are... I realized that I probably should’ve given mc a real name and stuff because it’s so specific about certain details, but it’s too late to change that, so we’ll all have to deal with it unfortunately. Also, from here on out there is a warning for nsfw thoughts! Anyway, enjoy! @thirteenisles!!

summary: Much, much different from yesterday, today is the yearly fishing trip, so you and Mat are- unfortunately- apart for a good part of the day. Mat and your father come to a silent agreement and you look for a distraction in an old flame to keep you from falling more in love with your friend. Mat doesn’t like sharing this place in your mind with anyone else...

It’s the summer of ‘19, eleven years after you first met Mat, and things are bound to be a little different this time around. 

You woke up the next day with a smile on your face, giddy and excited before you even opened your eyes. You had fallen asleep happy and tired and full of warmth the night before, cuddled up against Mat’s side as he drove back to the beach house. He only woke you with soft whispers when it was time to undress for bed; you woke up in his arms realizing he had carried you all the way from the car to your room. So, your mind raced with images of Mat- his smile, his laughter, his eyes, his body- it was all overwhelming enough to stir up passionate dreams about him. Dreams about his skin against yours, weightless in the water, his big hands on you, his body hovering over top of yours, his dark hair falling into his eyes as he moved on top of you... 

Rolling over in bed and trying to control yourself, you opened your phone and went into your gallery, into the folder of all your pictures of Mat from yesterday that you would continue to fill throughout the week. 

And though you’d only been apart from him for the eight hours of sleep, you needed to see him in person.

Mat was in the room across the hall, drifting in and out of sleep with a smile on his face as he thought back to yesterday. He reached over to the bedside table so he could scroll through his own phone. You had asked him yesterday to take a picture of you for your Instagram, posing for him and smiling with the ocean in the background, and he couldn’t look away from them. You looked so good yesterday in that little bikini, all spread out on the paddleboard and soaking up the sunlight, and, as much as he wanted to keep his head out of the gutters around you, there was just something about you. If only you knew the effect you had on him.

“Kids, get up! We’ve got a lot planned for today!” 

He jumped, hearing your mother’s voice in the hall outside your rooms, and sat up a little bit more in bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He had to admit, this trip would be a little bit more fun if your family wasn’t here as well; if every day could be like yesterday. But hoping to be alone with you for every second of the day was a fantasy, and he knew it. He was still technically intruding on your family vacation.

There was a knock at his door, and for a horrible moment, he thought it was one of your parents before your voice sounded from the other side. “Mat? It’s me.” 

“Yeah, come in.” If only he was ready for what he was about to see. Yeah, he saw you in a bikini yesterday, but this was just as good… You walked into his room in a little tank top and booty shorts, what you had slept in, your messy hair thrown up in a bun. He didn’t want to stare too much, but were you braless? Yeah, you definitely were. He shuffled around under the sheets, making sure you wouldn’t be able to see what you were doing to him. He was lucky you knocked first, or who knows what he could’ve been doing?

Seeing Mat lying in bed was… a sight. His dark hair was haloing around his head on the pillow, he was tangled in the white sheets, and half of his upper chest and arms were exposed and already looking beautifully tanned. “You’ll never guess what today is.”

Mat ran a hand through his hair and let out a puff of air. “Your birthday’s tomorrow, so I have no idea.” 

“It’s the family fishing trip! Remember that?”

Oh, he remembers it. He remembers going out onto the water in a rented boat with his dad and yours, watching in amazement at the huge fish they caught in the ocean. He remembers playing with you on the little dock, daring you to jump from it and into the ocean. Of course, your parents always stopped you from doing that. “No way, you still do that?” 

“Yup, it’s tradition.”

“The same place every year?” 

“Same place.” 

“Maybe this year you won’t be too afraid to jump off the dock.” He smirked, and it was a sight that flooded heat all the way through your body.

“Shut up, Mat! I wasn’t afraid to, my parents just never let me!” He laughed at that, sitting up and letting the sheets fall off his bare chest. “And you know that, too! You just love to get on my nerves.” Oh, that was only one of many things he’d love to do to you.  

“Maybe. But you brought me on this trip anyway.”  

“Don’t make me regret that, Maty.” You swatted his bare leg away from you as he stretched out in bed, and he couldn’t help but smile at the touch. “Get up, we gotta get ready for today. I’ve got a feeling it’s gonna be pretty fun.” And when you turned and left, Mat had to bite his lip to hold back any reaction to the way your legs looked in those shorts. He tossed his head back to his pillow and stared up at the ceiling.

Yeah, today was gonna be fun.

Back when you and Mat first met, your parents and his immediately got along. He had begged and begged his parents to talk to yours and let him go along on the family fishing trip, mostly because you had cried to him and told him you didn’t want to be alone. Of course, they had to go meet your parents first and come along, but when they finally agreed that Mat could come along, you were over the moon. 

 Since you reconnected almost a year ago, Mat had told his parents about you. He called them the day after you approached him in the bar, when he went out to lunch with you to talk, the moment he knew he was going to try and befriend you again. He was excited when he called them, asking in a frenzy if they still remembered that girl he hung out with the summer of 2008. Of course, they remembered her, they had told him, she was the first crush he ever had. "Oh, your first girlfriend!" his mom had exclaimed. "Mom!" Flustered, Mat shook off those words. No, you were nothing more than friends. 

That’s what he had thought, anyway, up until a few months ago. 

Now, after being alone with you yesterday, he knew: this was much more than friendship.

The place your dad went to go fishing every year was a cute empty spot of beach, with deep water and a small dock where you and your siblings and friends always used to play. Where you used to play with Mat, that summer, when he dared you to jump in but you were too scared. Where you continued to come back to years after until Mat was just a fading memory and your parents urged you to meet new friends. And where, years later, you had your first kiss, with some random boy you met three days before and who you thought was cute.  

“This is where it all began.” You spread your arms wide in a flourish, presenting the dock to Mat when you arrived. He glanced around- yes, this was where it all began. 

“It definitely looks a lot smaller than when we were kids.” 

“Yeah, probably because we grew up.” 

“Aww, if we grew up does that mean I can’t push you in anymore?” 

“Don’t even think about it, Barzal.” Before Mat had the chance to even try to push you in, you were cut off by the sound of an approaching boat out on the water. “Bet, Mat. Wanna push me into the water in front of my dad? I dare you.” He smiled and held up his hands in surrender. Usually, your dad took your brother along with him, but this year it seemed he had other plans. 

“You like to fish, Mathew?”

“Uh,” he glanced at you for help, obviously not yet sure how to talk to your dad. 

“Yeah, he’s pretty good at fishing.”

“Great! Hop on. We’ll have some one-on-one time.”

“Okay, cool.” The moment he turned away, Mat whispered to you: “He’s going to throw me off the boat.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Mat. He doesn’t hate you. You’ll probably just talk about fish or sports.” 

“But don’t you want me here with you?”

“I’ll be fine alone for a bit.”

Mat couldn’t lie- he wasn’t the happiest at how this day was gonna pan out. He wanted one-on-one time with you, not your dad. They had already had that talk at the motel when he ever so kindly told him not to make a move on his daughter, so he wasn’t sure what else could happen. But if this is what he had to go through to get on your dad’s good side, he was gonna try his hardest. So here he sat, kinda awkwardly, next to him, a fishing rod in his hands. 

“So, Mathew, You were gone with (Y/N) yesterday...”

“Uhh, yeah.” 

“What’d the two of you do?” 

He was at a loss for words. What could he say?  “Oh, just uhh, took a drive down to another beach, had lunch.”

“Hmm. But you didn’t try anything?” 

“No, no nothing!”

“I hope not. Otherwise, we’d really have a problem.” Mat couldn’t find a way to respond to that. As much as he wanted to make a move, he knew here wasn’t the ideal place to do it. No, he’d wait until he wasn’t sharing a roof with your father. “Mathew, I still remember what you said at the motel.” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Of course, he did. “But you understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?” 

“I- I‘m not sure.”

“You seem like an… okay, guy. A good friend to her. But I’ve seen plenty of guys who seemed okay and ended up breaking her heart. I won’t let that happen again.” Mat wanted to tell him that it wasn’t up to him to decide who his daughter could date, but he knew that that might be the dumbest possible thing to say, so he held his tongue. “I know what young, professional athletes are like. While I respect the sport, you’re not the type of guy I want my daughter with.” He didn’t like the idea that you’d had your heart broken before. He never wanted to do that to you, and your father just had a way of making him doubt himself. 

“I understand.” Mat’s eyes drifted to where you stood down on the sand, barely able to make out your form from this distance, as he wondered what you were doing. 

You were collecting shells, walking side by side with your sister, and catching up with a little bit of girl talk. 

“Sooo, this Mat guy?” 

“Yeah?” You couldn’t help the smile that was pulling onto your face at just the sound of his name. “What about him?”

“Well, he’s an NHL player, first of all.” 

“He’s a lot more than that.” And he was. It may sound strange to others, but he meant everything to you. Ever since that summer where he had been your refuge, he’d been the one you thought about to calm down. He’d been your happy memory. He’d been the dream you could only hope you never forgot. And he became so much more in the past few months. It was a little weird at first when your roommate teased you about your “summer romance” with this boy you didn’t even know, but suddenly you didn’t want to deny it. Maybe this time around, you would come back with an even better story than before. 

“Yeah. He’s also pretty hot.”

“Trust me, I know.” You weren’t shallow, but yeah, the cherry on top was how attractive he just happened to be.

“What are you two? Friends? Maybe moooore?”

“No, no, no, just friends.” Your answer was quick- almost too quick- as if you were trying to cover something up. A silence fell between you and you realized just how in denial you sounded. “But he just means a lot to me, ya know? You heard the story about how we met, right? Mom’s obsessed with telling it.”

“Yeah, of course. If you ask me, kinda sounds like looooove.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Seriously, if this were a movie, I’d watch the shit out of it. Imagine the ratings a plot like that would get! It’s like a teen summer romance but... wholesome and cute! I’m sure everyone has a childhood friend they became separated from. Imagine reading this summary: A boy and girl meet and become best friends only to be separated after one summer of romance-” 

“Ew, don’t say romance! We were like, ten.”

“-After a summer of almost-romance where they were obviously in love even if their little brains couldn’t comprehend it. They reconnect years later, only to realize what they felt all those years ago was much more than friendship.” 

You laughed, but couldn’t help imagining how that story would end. What was your sister, a psychic? “Okay, that’s not quite how it goes, but can we just… stop talking about him? It’s weird.” For the last few months, there had been a weird feeling in your chest whenever you discussed your relationship with Mat. Okay, maybe- just maybe- you had a little crush. A tiny crush. Nothing that meant anything, nothing that wouldn’t be easy to get over. It sucked to have a crush on one of your best friends, to have a crush on the boy you brought along on this trip to use as a distraction from everything else. 

You glanced out to where you could barely see Mat’s figure on the boat with your father. His features were indistinguishable, but you could see the outline of his body and the dark swoop of hair on his head standing out against the blue sky. It wasn’t like Mat was interested in you at all, he was an NHL player, a star at that. He probably had countless girl’s numbers lined up in his contacts that he could date at any given moment, there’s no way he’d settle for a childhood friend he’d only known for a year. Just because he came on this trip with you and promised to be your distraction, didn’t mean he liked you like that. No, if anything, he was here for nostalgia- for looking back on that summer when you were carefree children- not because he had any type of romantic feelings for you. Not because he loved you. Yet, despite this, you couldn’t seem to control yourself around him.

You desperately needed a distraction from Mat, or else you’d end up doing something you couldn’t come back from. 

You dropped your gaze to the sand to look for any pretty, unbroken shells hiding among the piles beneath your feet. The tide had come in high earlier this morning, leaving behind a mess of little shards of broken shells and rocks. Maybe, if you were lucky, you’d find one that was whole. 

“Ooh, look at this one!” Your sister held up a pretty shell, still in one piece, colored all the shades of a sunset. 

“Oh, man that’s pretty! I wish I could’ve found one that nice.”

“Don’t look too hard. It was right in front of you the whole time.”

You walked silently, pondering over her words, and searching for something better when a third voice spoke up from a little distance in front of you.  

“No way, (Y/N)?”

It was a voice you’d never thought you’d hear again, but when you looked up towards it, you realized this trip might just get a lot more interesting. Your sister nudged you and made her exit, knowing exactly who this was and wanting to give you alone time with him. 

Maybe this was exactly what you needed to take your mind off of Mat.

Back in 2008, when you were only ten years old, you thought the world of Mat. You thought he was the coolest person you knew, at the beach or at home. He was your closest friend, but for some reason, neither of your young brains realized that you should get each other’s parent’s phone numbers or addresses so you could keep in touch. You left the beach that year with nothing on your mind but Mat, and your parent’s loved to tease you to this day that he was the only person you talked about for months. When next summer rolled around, you were pouty and angry that he was nowhere to be found. And that continued for years to come. 

Slowly, over the years you went on family vacations in that same house, you began, with your parent’s urging, to try and push your memories of Mat to the back of your mind and make new friends with the local kids your age. And slowly, you began to forget about Mat. Or, that’s how you thought it would happen. Sure, there were times you went without thinking of him for a while, but something would always end up reminding you of him. But you pushed it aside. He’s long gone, you’d told yourself, no point in dwelling on the past. None of your new friends could compare to the fun Mat had been, but they were great friends, and now you were young teenagers having fun, getting into trouble together, and experiencing all your firsts together.

This guy- Kyle- was one of those firsts. 

The summer you turned seventeen, there was a new guy among your beachy friend-group. He was your age, and he could already drive, and that made his curly, blonde, surfer boy look even more attractive to all the girls who knew him. As much as you hated to admit today, you weren’t an exception. Yeah, you thought he was cute. No, there wasn’t much about him beyond that, as shallow as it was, but at least he had seemed to care about you that night when he walked you away from the other teens, partying and drinking and walked you out to the dock and kissed you under the stars. He had said all the right things that night, and a few nights later, and later, and later.

You went that whole summer thinking that the two of you were together, but apparently, you’d missed the memo that he was seeing other girls, too. He’d promised he didn’t mean to hurt you but learning that it wasn’t the two of you, learning that he was with other girls too and the whole summer had been a lie made your self-esteem plummet. It hurt like hell, being your first heartbreak, and it was the worst possible way to end a beach trip tradition. 

But he wasn’t a bad guy, not really. He was a young, stupid, teenage boy, right? And he said he didn’t mean to hurt you. No reason to hate him. 

Now, almost exactly four years since you met him, he walked next to you down the beach as you combed for shells, a quietness settling over you. It wasn't a comfortable silence like with Mat, but something uneasy, something tense and awkward. Why was he here? Was it appropriate to just… walk up to your ex and start chatting like old friends? Maybe he was just trying to be civil, courteous- if that’s what this was, you… hesitantly respected that. It probably took as much courage as when you approached Mat for the first time- both times. But, if he was looking for something more…

“So, you been dating at all?”

“Sure I have. I mean, it’s been...almost four years?” Truthfully, you’ve barely been dating. Nothing serious, at least. But you knew it would sound so sad if he was the last “serious” relationship you had. 

“You disappeared after what happened between us. For four years. I thought maybe you couldn’t face me afterward or something.”

“No.” You bit your tongue, not really wanting to bring up old bad blood or reopen old scars. “Life just got in the way. After that year I had a job, then I was moving out, going to college. Just didn’t have time to come down anymore.”

“That sucks. We’ve all really missed you down here.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” He smiled, dropping an arm around your shoulder. You knew he didn’t mean it in a romantic way, it was such a thing he would do, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before. “We’re actually having a party on Friday. Think you can make it?” Could you make it? It was going to be the night before you had to leave, your last night on the beach, and as much as you wanted to do something alone with Mat, you knew it was inappropriate to cling on him as if he was something more than a friend. As if he was yours. But you needed to take a step back before you did something you couldn’t take back. 

Maybe this was the perfect distraction from Mat.

“I’ll be there.”

After their first discussion, Mat had fallen in and out of uncomfortable small talk with your father for what felt like hours. And now, as they got ready to head back to shore for a quick lunch, he could confirm that he was one hundred percent still not on his good side.  It seemed like no matter what he tried, your father didn’t want anything to do with him. Maybe it was best this way, indifference is better than hate, isn’t it?

“Shit...” 

“Huh?” Mat looked up when your father swore next to him. He was glaring up the shoreline as they approached the dock, out to where you were. And then he noticed, with a jolt to his heart, that you weren’t alone out there. Standing next to you in the sand was a generic-looking douchebag surfer dude. He was standing way, way too close to you for his comfort, with an arm thrown over your shoulders like you were old buddies. “Who’s that?” 

“It’s not really any of your business, is it?” He glanced over and, for a moment, Mat regretted asking anything, not wanting to stir up any drama. “But... seeing as you’re here as her friend, maybe you can talk some sense into her.” 

“About what?”

“It’s not my place to tell you about her private stuff but… that boy. Trouble.” He shook his head, preparing to dock the boat. “Mathew, I don’t dislike you. You mean a lot to (Y/N) as a friend, and I don’t want you to ruin that. If things didn’t work out between you two, she would be devastated. I’ve seen her heartbroken, but if it was because of you, it’d be so much worse. She could barely function without you after that summer, so if things ended completely between you two...”

Mat couldn’t help but smile when your father said he didn’t dislike him. That was a start, at least. But the thought of you having your heart broken was something he didn’t want to think about. The thought you being heartbroken because of him was something he didn’t want to think about. “I know.” And he did. He understood because he would feel the same way. If things went awkward and sour between the two of you, he would hate himself. He would be lost. Reconnecting after ten years and then losing you all together would hurt even more than if he’d never found you- if you were still only a fond memory he thought back to. If he lost you, he wouldn’t even know what to do. He needed you.

“But, that being said, you’re better than any other guy she’s cared about. Especially that boy. I respect that.” He stepped onto the dock and cast one look back at him. “Look out for her this week. As a friend.” 

“I will.” 

“Starting now.” He motioned down the beach where you stood with the boy, his arm around you, pulling you much too close to his body. 

It felt good to know that at least your father didn’t hate him. He respected him, even. It felt good to know that both men had the same ideas when it came to your safety and were able to come to a silent agreement. And if all they could bond over was their need to protect you, he could take that. Because you were all that mattered to him. 

He all but jogged down the beach to you, his heart throbbing at the sight of you smiling and laughing with someone other than him. His blood boiled. He hated that you were so familiar and comfortable with this guy, but he took comfort in the fact that your dad felt the same way, that at least they were on the same page about that. What could he be saying that was making you this happy? Who could he be who was stealing your attention away from him? That should be him, with his arm around you, making your eyes sparkle in laughter. What was this tightening feeling in his chest? 

Why was Mat so jealous of him?

“Who’s this?”

You looked up from where you were practically hanging on the blonde boy’s arm and met eyes with Mat. Your Mat, your best friend. The man you were trying to forget about. And you had forgotten about him for a few minutes, falling back into the memory of your summer romance at seventeen instead of thinking of Mat, with his pretty dark swoops of hair and high cheekbones, those shimmering hazel eyes and that dazzling smile… and the fact that he was shirtless and shining all pretty and golden in the sunlight. The way he made you laugh until there were tears in your eyes and your sides ached, the way he made your heart pound erratically when he hugged you and when he threw his arm over your shoulders.

And suddenly you realized your ex couldn’t compare to Mat at all, no matter how much you needed a distraction. 

“Mat, this is Kyle. Kyle, this is my friend, Mat.”

“Hey.” The other guy spoke up, and somehow, he sounded exactly like Mat expected him to sound. Like a fucking douchebag.

“Hey.” Mat couldn’t hide how unenthusiastic he was when he greeted the man, and you noticed. It was awkward, you were sandwiched between two shirtless men, one your ex- who you were trying to use as a distraction- and one your best friend- who you were hopelessly crushing on and needed a distraction from- and all three of you waited and waited until Mat finally spoke up. “So, how do you know each other?”

“We, uhh, we dated when we were younger.” 

“Oh?” Mat wasn’t a fan of the way his heart ached when those words left your lips. Of course, you had other boyfriends, you were stunning, borderline perfect. Everyone must want you. You’re not mine, you’re not mine, I know. “You did?”

“Yeah, actually…” Kyle tossed his curly hair out of his face and had Mat rolling his eyes. “We met down here a few years ago. And that dock over there?” He gestured vaguely in the direction of the dock, pulling you against him. “First kiss.” Mat’s muscles tensed, his jaw went tight and his fists closed- he hated the idea that this dock was anyone else’s special place with you. Okay, maybe it was a bit selfish, but he thought this was just a little secret between the two of you, and then this guy had to show up and ruin it? “Best first kiss a girl could get, huh?” He looked at you with a cheeky, smirk...

...But it wasn’t as cute as Mat’s.

“Yeah, it was good.” 

Mat knew it was stupid and unrealistic of him to think he’d always had you all to himself. You’d only known each other for that one summer, and had been separated for ten years, so of course, you eventually found someone other than him. But he couldn’t deny how much it pained his heart to know that somebody else had been closer to you than he had. To know that someone else had taken his place. To know that you weren’t even his to begin with. This guy had held you, kissed you, taken Mat off of your mind, and Mat hated how it felt to know that. “Cool, cool. Well, I think it’s time to head back for lunch, (y/n).”

“Ah, shit, really?” he pulled you tight against him in a quick side hug and kissed the top of your head. Part of you wished, for a moment, that he was Mat instead. “See ya. Remember, Friday!”

“Yep, Friday!” 

Mat couldn’t help but roll his eyes again, watching him leave. He came on this trip with you and you were ditching him for your ex? Shit, it was so tough being just your friend. “What’s Friday?” His voice came out more strained and forced than he wanted it to.

“A party with my old friends.”

“You’re going?”

“Yeah, they’re my friends, so why not?” Mat couldn’t help but feel a little bit betrayed, but he knew this was your vacation, and you were kind enough to invite him along, so he couldn’t tell you what you could and couldn’t do. Just friends, just friends, just friends, he told himself. 

“Well, I still get you to myself tomorrow, right? For your birthday?” 

“Of course you do. Why, are you planning something?”

“Duh, what else is a best friend for?” He pulled you against him to walk down the beach and you smiled at the familiar scent of him, the familiar warmth of his body. Being in his arms was so much better than being in Kyle’s arms. He shrugged, sucking up his pride to tease you about your ex-boyfriend. “Sooo... you and surfer dude, huh? Didn’t know you were into that type.” He laughed again, nudging you with his elbow and smirking. 

His smirk was a lot cuter than your ex’s. 

“Shut up!” You laughed at the teasing lilt in his voice. There was your Mat, happy and smiling. His heart lit up again. Yeah, he could make you laugh so much better than anyone else could. He would always take pride in that. “I know, I know, it’s embarrassing, but listen! We were only seventeen, he could drive already…”

“Ooh, sexy.”

“Mat!” 

“I’m serious, the ability to drive is pretty hot, right?”

You laughed, “Mat! I get it, I get it, it was a dumb summer fling, okay? There actually isn’t much more to him personality-wise. He’s not better than you.” 

“Of course he’s not.” As cocky as Mat played it off, he was really thankful. Thankful you still preferred him over your ex-boyfriend. Thankful he still held a special place in your head, in your heart, even, that no one else ever would. “I mean, have you seen me?”

“I have.” Your eyes skimmed the length of his body. You’d seen him, alright. “You wanna hit the waves before lunch?” You traced your fingers down his arm and grabbed his big hand in yours.

“How could I say no?”

So, with his hand in yours, you ran to the water, shedding the sheer cover-up you’d been wearing over your swimsuit and shrieking when the waves splashed up against you. As usual, Mat dared you to follow him out further than you would’ve like to have gone. The gleam in his eyes was something you weren’t unfamiliar with, the same gleam he got when he was beating you at a game or when you dared him to do something. He wasn’t one to back down until he won, and that was rubbing off on you. His confidence was rubbing off on you. Something about him made you feel so brave. 

“I’m guessing you’re not gonna tell me what we’re doing tomorrow?

“Of course not. It’s a surprise. What type of friend would I be if I gave away the surprise?” He dodged the water you splashed towards him and half hopped, half swam backward in the water. You had wadded out to an area that was deep enough for neither of you to be able to stand very well, and as much as you hated being out here, you felt safe as long as Mat was next to you. He splashed you back in retaliation only to be immediately hit from behind by a wave, laughing the whole time he went down at the shriek you let out when he got your hair wet. 

You laughed as he went under. “That’s what you get, Barzal!” After a few seconds without seeing him resurface, you started to worry, your breath caught in your throat. Should he have been up by now? Did he get the breath knocked out of him and couldn’t come up? Did he get pulled out further? “Mat? Mat, hey, where’d you go, buddy?” Your breath was shallow, your mind fuzzy, and your heartbeat quickened as you took a few strides forward, turning and glancing over the rippling surface of the water, trying to find any sign of him, any movement, any trace of his dark hair, but there was nothing. 

Not until a pair of arms underwater grabbed your waist from behind and lifted you. 

“Gotcha.”

He was still laughing, still teasing you, thinking he had just played a funny trick on you and you hadn’t been in the middle of freaking out and panicking that your best friend had probably drowned. 

“Shit, Mat. Oh my god.” You turned in his arms and pulled yourself against him, cheeks warming up at the feeling of his wet, bare skin against yours, his muscles taut, and his skin slick beneath your fingertips. He’s okay, he’s safe, he’s alive. You brought your hands up around his shoulders, pushing black strands of wet hair out of his eyes as he continued to laugh. You smacked his shoulder, suddenly angry that he would even joke about drowning. You couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. “You’re a dick! That wasn’t funny!”

Mat must have noticed the way your nails were digging into the flesh of his biceps, holding him for dear life with an urgent look in your eyes because he stopped laughing almost immediately when he noticed your concern. “Hey, hey.” His voice dropped to the gentle, reassuring tone that always made you emotional. The voice he broke out when you got hurt and he was there as a friend to pick up the pieces. The same voice he’d used all those years ago when you started crying over a crab he had thrown at you. “Look, I’m fine.”

“But I didn’t know that two seconds ago!”

“I’m sorry. I was just messing around. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I know. I’m just glad you’re alive.” You took deep breaths, your head dropping to rest on his wet shoulder, your face pressed against the crook of his neck. It took you a few moments to understand how intimate this was: you were wrapped up together under the water, still in his arms with your feet listed off the sandy floor, pressed chest to chest with your arms wrapped over his shoulders. What you had intended to be a friendly hug became so much more when you were wet and weightless and almost bare, pressed against each other. You sighed and pulled back from him, dropping down to your feet but keeping your hands on his shoulders so stay still. He was your anchor out here. “You know, you don’t have to go pretending to drown just because you’re jealous of my ex and want my attention back.”

“What?” he scoffed, trying to play it off cool. Okay, maybe it was true that he was looking for a little bit of your attention, but he’d never admit that. Friends don’t get jealous of their friend’s ex-boyfriends. “I’m not jealous.” 

“Really? You didn’t seem like your friendly self when you were talking to him. And your eyes look pretty green right now, so I’d say that’s probably because of the green monster.” You teased, poking at his face.

“He’s your ex, do you want me to treat him like a friend?”

“Well, he was also my friend, so you don’t need to be so hostile towards him. But I get it. It’s okay to be jealous. I get jealous of your friends, sometimes.”

“You do? Why?”

“They’ve gotten to spend more time with you than I did. They probably mean a lot more. You have friends you’ve known for years, and I’m not one of them. We only knew each other that summer and then this past year. I wish we would’ve been friends longer.” 

“You don’t have to be jealous of them, though. I actually feel like we’ve known each other since then. I thought back to you a lot, wondering what you were up to...”

“Probably thinking of you.” You smiled, your heart swelling at the thought that between growing up and getting into the NHL, Mat still thought of you every now and then. “I feel so lucky to have found you” You closed your mouth, letting your words settle in the air between the two of you. “You don’t have to be jealous either. Kyle wasn’t that great. Not cooler than our time together.”

“No?” He added a chuckle to try and lighten the mood. “I thought he was the cool kid who could drive?”

“No.” You dropped your gaze to the ocean, turning away from Mat. “We may have had a little… romance thing, but he cheated on me.” Mat’s eyes went soft, his eyebrows furrowing up at the idea of you having your heart broken like that. He knew much too well what it felt like to be lied to and cheated on, so to imagine you suffering through that without him there to help pick up the pieces for you was too much. “Well, no,” You shook your head. “I guess he didn’t really cheat. Only kinda. It was just a summer fling to him, but I thought it was something more. I was just dumb and naive I guess.”

“Hey,” His hands lifted to your shoulders momentarily, turning you to look up at him. “That’s really shitty anyway. He hurt you.” 

“Yeah. He did. And you'd never hurt me.” Your fingers, much without your permission, glided down the lengths of his wet arms to cover his hands with yours. “See? You don’t need to be jealous. You’re so much cooler. You mean more to me than he ever did. Nothing- no one- can ever top that summer. No one can ever top how much you mean to me. You're my friend.” 

You both sat in uncomfortable silence, mutually hating that sentence. There was no way you were just friends. This wasn’t platonic at all.  Friends didn’t cuddle each other in motel rooms; friends didn’t hold each other underwater; friends didn’t daydream about making out with each other; friends didn’t get jealous of their friend’s exes; friends didn’t have hot, wet dreams about each other almost every night; friends didn’t nearly kiss every single day. So were you really just friends?

"Yeah." As much as Mat hated being "the friend", he was going to try his hardest to live up to that if that's what you wanted from him. And even if that’s all he’d ever be, he would learn to accept it. It was better than not having you at all. "I might even be your best friend ever, right?" 

"We'll see about that. You've got a lot of competition." He laughed with you. Oh, if only you know how much he didn't want to be your friend. If only he knew how much you wanted him to kiss you. 

 “Well, was that enough serious talk for today?”

“Yeah,” You huffed a sigh, brushing off the thoughts in your head. “I think it was.”

Your gaze dropped from those pretty hazel eyes, shimmering golden and green in the sunlight, across the immaculate structure of his cheekbones and jaw, right to his pretty pink lips. If only you could know what it felt like to have them against yours- would they be soft or rough?- to have his hot tongue in your mouth, his hands grabbing your waist, touching you all over, pulling you onto his lap. What you wouldn’t give to feel his mouth making it’s way down your body, leaving wet kisses and sucking on tender skin, leaving marks on your throat, your hips, the insides of your thighs. To feel his nose rub against you as his tongue dipped, lapped, caressed…

Mat watched you, the look in your eyes, all the walls about your past broken down, and at that very moment, he knew something. He would be your friend as long as you needed, he would be there for you to pick up the pieces and listen to your problems, he’d keep you safe, he’d do what a best friend should do. But, fuck. Fuck, he loved you. He loved you, he loved you, he loved you, and he wasn’t sure how long he could keep it to himself.  This was so bad. 

He broke apart from you, removing his hands from where they’d been resting on your shoulders under your own soft hands, taking a few strides back in the water, and trying to regain some platonic boundaries between the two of you. That was all you were, right? Friends.

“Woah, where are you running off too, Mat?” Your laugh rang in his ear, pretty and perfect, and you.

“I-” He gestured back to the shore. “I think lunch is ready onshore. I’m kinda hungry.”

“Alright.” You pressed your hand into his and his heart leaped at the simple affection. It’s not like you hadn’t held hands before, but this time it felt… different. “Let’s head back then, Maty.”

Damn it, you have me wrapped around your finger, babe.

The day passed much too quickly for either of your taste and before you knew it the sun was dipping low in the sky, signaling the end of your long day. You wanted to spend the rest of time here in the sun, your feet digging into the sandy bottom of the ocean with the waves splashing around you; you wanted to spend the rest of time wrapped up in each other’s arms, caught up in each other’s eyes, frozen in time as you held on for dear life in your own little bubble separate from the rest of the world; daydreaming about kissing and fingers running through each other’s hair. You wanted to spend the rest of time dreaming of holding each other without worrying that the other didn’t feel the same. 

But it wasn’t quite over yet.

You were sitting alone on the dock, working away at braiding the bracelet you were finishing up for Mat when you heard footsteps behind you and looked up to find him, his hair sun-dried and fluffy in the breeze and a fresh drink in his hand. “Wow, that’s really coming along, huh?” His voice was a blanket of familiarity washing over you. You would never get tired of hearing it.

“Yeah, it is.” You smiled up at him. “When you want something hard enough, you really gotta work for it.” You reached up to grab his empty hand, wrapping the bracelet around his wrist to see how much more you had to get done. Your fingers lingered on his skin for a few moments longer than they should have, and you both noticed the delicate change in atmosphere before you pulled away completely.

“You mind if I join you here?”

“Anytime, Mat.”

So he sat down next to you, watching the colors fade from the sky and dipping his toes in the water with you and closing his eyes in pure bliss. You were both warm and smelled of saltwater and sunscreen, your breath tasting of the lemonade you had had after dinner, and whatever alcoholic drink Mat was currently sipping on; your cheeks and nose were still slightly rosy from the sun, faces hurting from smiling and laughing too much with him. If this wasn’t the perfect recreation of your first family trip with him all those years ago, you weren’t sure what was. 

Everything was soft and quiet until Mat spoke up from next to you. “You know, sunsets on the east coast aren’t that cool.”

“Ouch!” You mocked offense, bringing a hand to your heart. ”Wow, I invite you on this vacation with me and all you can do is insult it? I’ll rethink ever bringing you back.” He threw his head back in a cackle- the one you loved so much.

“No, I just mean… it’s cooler seeing the sunset over the ocean, don’t you think?” 

You shrugged. “I don’t know, don’t really wanna inflate your ego any more.”

He chuckled a bit more, always a welcomed sound in your ears. “Guess I gotta take you out west then, try to convince you.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. I’ll take you to Vancouver with me when I go home. We can head to the beach from there. My mom would love to meet you.” 

“You told your parents about me?”

“Of course. I told them all about you after we caught up. They remember you, they even still have pictures of us somewhere. They’d love you.” 

There was something about that moment... He was shirtless, the sun was going down behind him and casting a pretty halo around his head, his eyes held yours intensely, with unanswered questions. You tried to ignore the way his skin glistened in the light, the way his thick thighs were spreading out deliciously as he sat, the way you were sitting so close to him that the outside of your bare thigh was touching his, the way you were leaning back on your hands with your pinky loosely tangled with his. There was something about that moment, talking about his family and how much they’d love to meet you, how there are still pictures floating around of you and Mat as children, of the one summer that changed everything for you. There was something about that moment that almost had you leaning in.  

“Kids, we’re heading home!”

You turned away from him quickly, scooting your leg away and pulling your hand from his. Maybe hearing your mother’s voice was what pulled you back into reality. You couldn’t kiss him. Not now.

“Yeah, yeah!!” You pulled yourself up off the dock, extending a hand to help Mat up, and smiling when his big palm touched yours, warm and soft. “We’re coming!” 

This wasn’t how you wanted the day to end, but maybe it was for the best.

You could break the boundaries of friendship, push the limits to your relationship with Mat, stick your toe in and test the waters, but was it worth it? Maybe you should just try to avoid your feelings for him. Maybe it would be best to suffer in silence for the rest of your life. Shove those feelings down inside of you and swallow your words only to spend your nights dreaming of how it would feel to sleep next to him, to roll over into his arms. Maybe it was best to love him from afar. Rather that than ruin what was an amazing friendship. 

Right?

[kibbits]

Animation is like: Oh this is looking nice! Ooh I have a bit of time and this part looks a bit stiff, why not push the movement a bit further?

Wait. Wait no. Oh this is bad. Lemme just --Oh this is worse somehow. Oh god. What did I do. Ah fuck. Shit. How is it even worse. I'm trying to fix it how does it keep getting worse?? I can't even go back to what I had somehow?? Oh no I broke it now nothing works the rig isn't supposed to --WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT DIDN'T SAVE??? WHY DID MY ASSETS MOVE I'M NOT EVEN IN THE FOLDER I'M ANIMATING WHERE'S MY TEXTURES--

Well. Ok. Let's just. Go 5 versions and 3h into the past I guess,,

Ah. Now that I just went back to what was kinda working before I just. Moved the keyframes on a few bones like 3 frames forward and now everything works super well, the fix was that simple : )) (every goddamn time I swear djdjd)