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lovesickeros · 10 months

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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 4 ]

{☆} characters arlecchino, furina, lyney {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood {☆} word count 3.7k {☆} previous [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ]

Fontaine was bathed in darkness, not even the moon daring to illuminate where the common man fears to walk. The streets were bleak and empty save for the constant, rhythmic ticking and clanking of machines marching on endlessly, dauntlessly wading where even the bravest dared not to venture. Not even the sharp click of the Gardes boots followed the occasional hisses of steam as they walked the barren streets.

It was haunting, and it'd been like that for days now. It showed little signs of stalling in the slightest, too. Every inch of Fontaine was practically crawling with Gardemeks– like a swarm of rats skittering about.

Arlecchino had secluded herself in the Hotel Bouffes d'ete for days at this point, waiting– biding her time. Her nails clicked against the wood as she tapped at the table in a stilted rhythm, the subtle click of the clock mixing into the clanking outside, weaving in and out of earshot as the patrols slipped by. She reached forward after a moment of thought, reaching for the white king.

She leaned back against the chaise, tilting her head just enough to catch a glimpse of a patrol of Gardemeks as they vanished behind the rows and rows of buildings. It wasn't enough to keep her attention for long, however, her features twisting in disinterest as she glanced back to the chessboard– and the letter neatly resting beside it. The seal was unmistakable and a sobering sight, demanding her attention– the soft hues of blue etched into the shape of a dragon stared back at her in a way that almost unsettled her.

She had already parsed through it's contents hundreds of times, but she was met with only vague, flowing script that only served to irritate her more then anything– it filled the page top to bottom yet managed to say nothing at all. Her hand reached out again, but instead of reaching for the letter she plucked the black rook from the board, setting it down with a soft click.

Arlecchino had all the time in the world to sit back and observe her prey, but all that time would be useless if she lacked the information to act.

And he was quite tight fisted about it, evidentially. None of her inquiries or attempts to decipher any potential codes in the letter left her empty handed. She could not act without even knowing the reason for his summons– it was almost worded like a personal affair rather then one would expect for a foreign diplomat. In truth, she'd expected a scalding report on her operatives, but it lacked any mention of anything of the sort.

She was no stranger to people masking hostility behind pretty words and compliments, not that it was ever unwarranted per se– the Fatui did not create connections through honesty and genuine kindness. They have strong armed more then their fair share of people into cooperation to the point distrust is all the Fatui are met with outside of Snezhnaya. Every word was meant to conceal the deceit, every action meant to conceal the price later paid.

So she had been..skeptical of the letter, to put it lightly. She doubted the Iudex of all people would offer a hand to the Fatui without a price attached– a trap, perhaps, meant to lure in the most powerful piece left on the board. Her eyes narrowed, reaching for a white rook and moving it to the right.

Or he was hiding something. Something that he simply couldn't risk getting out to anyone, not even the Divine themself. A tempting prize, whatever it was.

..A dangerous prize, too.

She'd considered burning the letter and forgetting it all together– the risk was great, and she couldn't risk getting caught up by whoever else the Iudex may have on his side of the board. But she could hardly pass up the challenge and the prize that he fought so hard to keep from prying eyes and ears. Even her agents came back empty handed each time. She lazily picked up a black rook, sliding the white pawn aside.

"Lyney," Arlecchino drawled, crossing one leg over the other and turning her gaze to the door as it slowly creaked open. The pale visage of Lyney stepped through, though his siblings were noticeably absent. The weariness that weighed down on his shoulders was apparent in the slightest furrow of his brows and the subtle creak of leather as he clenched his fists behind his back. "Father." He choked out, the title dragged out by the sharp inhale and shaky exhale.

He looked out of breath, she noted.

The silence that lingered after the small exchange was punctuated only by the click of another chess piece being moved. She sets aside the black rook, letting it sit among the dozen other pieces that had been wiped off the board. She can see the conviction glinting beneath the fog of exhaustion, but if he would utilize it was another matter all together.

He had seemed to make his choice quickly, at the very least.

"Our contacts and operatives within the Fortress of Meropide have gone silent– all we have is their final confirmed missive.." His voice is confident, but it is rigid as the words spill from his lips. He takes a sharp step forward, unfolding his arms from behind his back and opening his hands– the small, water stained and messily folded note catches her eye, plucking it from his palms with a half hearted interest. "They believe the Duke left the Fortress of Meropide..and that he may be coming to the Court of Fontaine."

Her eyes narrow dangerously, nearly crumpling the thin paper in her hands– yet just as quickly, she collects herself.

But she cannot get rid of the bitter taste on her tongue, lingering as she sets down the note and slides it to the side, her lips pursed into a thin line.

So the Iudex had shown one of his pieces..she tightly grasps a black rook, tipping over the white rook, letting it roll against the board.

If the Duke was involved, things were much more complicated then she expected– he would be a problem, she was certain. She couldn't blame the lamb for fearing the wolf, either. Whether her agents had been killed or captured by the man mattered little. He had his ways, and he was a force that could instill fear in even them.

Which meant the possibility that her operation was already compromised was far too real.

What had the Iudex so concerned he had gone through the trouble of bringing in the Duke and herself? The Fatui was one thing, but to specifically request one of it's Harbingers..

The Prophecy? The thought had her clenching her fist, but..no. If it were to rear it's head now, the Iudex could simply not afford to waste time on his contacts deciphering his nonsensical script– If the prophecy were to be the issue, there time would be limited to mere minutes in the worst of cases. Which meant it was worth biding his time in order to ensure absolute secrecy.

So if not the prophecy, then what?

Her next moves were..limited. She was already walking on eggshells considering her position and the reputations of the Fatui– especially with a Harbinger in the midst. If they caught wind of her operations, they'd weed out her operatives and be on guards for any snakes that lingered in their garden.

She reached for the chessboard again, picking up one of the white rooks from the board with a scowl. The sharp click as she sets down the white rook and sets aside the black pawn draws a shaky inhale from Lyney as she moves another black pawn, the dull click of the pieces drowning out the distant clinking of machines.

..A draw, perhaps.

The pieces were all falling into place– the players of this game were slowly being revealed. Whether she could secure her victory..she was unsure.

She wasn't even sure who her opponent was. Only that the Iudex himself was but another piece in their game.

Arlecchino reached for the board again, yet this time she hesitated. Perhaps she could still swipe the win from beneath them, if she played her cards right.

She would simply have to capture the king– or, if need be, let it end on a draw. Either way, she would not concede. She could not afford to concede. Down to the last piece, she would drag out this match until she was in a position to force their hand into the outcome she desired.

She stood slowly, picking up the king piece and observing it for only the briefest of moments before she set it down on the table, taking measured steps around the table and across the room. She was hunting a much more dangerous quarry today– it would be no simple runaway traitor this time.

"Do you remember the directive?" She inquired coldly, her hand lingering on the door for that long, tense moment. "..Yes, Father." Lyney faltered, taking a hesitant step back and bowing at the waist. "Then do not stray."

All that was left was the silence and click of the door shutting behind her as she disappeared down the hall, her boots clicking harshly against the floorboards. The rest of the agents knew better then to linger in her path as she stepped down into the lobby, adjusting the cuffs of her sleeves. She barely even acknowledged the Fatui agent standing at the ready by the heavyset doors, their gloves hands held out with her cloak held loosely in their palms. She quickly snagged it from them, tugging it over her board shoulders and clasping it around her throat.

With a quick tug, she brought the hood up over her head to conceal her sharp features, lifting her hand and placing a neatly folded note within their waiting hands. She had only one chance to make the right moves and secure her victory– no matter the cost.

Each piece had it's purpose.

Oft, that purpose was a bloody and horrible end– but for the grand goal of the Fatui built on the backs of the dead, it was an honor.

She didn't bother speaking a word as she dismissed them with a wave of her hand, pushing open the heavyset doors and stepping out into the barren, damp streets. The rhythmic clink and whir of Gardemeks was still distant– she needed to move. Her boots clicked and splashed in the rain soaked stone of the streets as she slithered between the buildings, ducking through the openings in the patrols.

It was almost too easy.

She tilted her head back, taking in the towering Palais Mermonia with a scowl, her hands clenched into fists. The final moves were being played– the king was within her reach, yet she felt no more confident then when she began.

The air carried a sense of unease, thick and heavy, filling her lungs until she felt her breath still in her chest– listening to the empty, bleak night that seemed so..quiet.

She'd done her fair share of research, had more then her fair share of her agents try to peer into the Iudex's office or the Archon's supposedly hidden chambers, but every attempt was a failure. She had to give them credit, they were quite elusive when they wished to be. Though now she only thought about it bitterly– this was all a risky gamble, in the end, and only time would tell if it paid off.

With minimal effort, she'd managed to pull herself to the flat, tiled roof, eyeing the massive tower peaking out of the center cautiously. At least here the wandering patrols down below weren't likely to notice her..she could hear them passing by the spot she'd been in only a few minutes ago, just beneath her. She pulled the hood further over her face, peering through the sheer darkness of the night for any oddities, but it was almost impossible to see in the dark.

Her boots clicked softly against the tiles as she approached the tower jutting out from the Palais, her hand gliding along the smooth stone, pressing against odd indents or crevices. If it was for the Archon's chambers, she doubted they made it very difficult– she'd only met the woman once, but she doubted the Iudex make it all that complex just from a brief glance. And it surprised her little when one of the stones sunk into the wall, gears whirring as the walls split open to reveal a stairwell straight into an inky black hall. Only the barest hint of light peaked under the door at the bottom, but it's occupants must have heard her, considering it went out not a moment later.

She cautiously stepped down into the small crevice, her breath visible in the bitter cold air– her shoulders tensed at the subtle sound of muffled footsteps behind the door, her vision flaring with a molten heat between her shoulder blades as she reached for the worn handle of the door. The heat of her vision was enough to just barely heat the metal, her vision flaring like a quickly building inferno.

Arlecchino was prepared for a fight, if it came down to it.

The door creaked as she pressed against it, shoving it open with a grunt of effort and surveying the room with narrowed eyes and a biting remark on the tip of her tongue– the lavish opulence was expected, she supposed, but the lack of the towering figure of the Iudex was not.

Yet before she could get a word in or even take in her surroundings properly, the light flickered back on and she had to squeeze her eyes shut with a hiss at the sudden brightness. She could hear the door being shoved closed behind her, the hurried footsteps retreating just as quickly as her eyes adjusted to the light.

..This was a joke, wasn't it? It had to be.

She'd expected the Iudex, perhaps even the Duke if she'd been unlucky, not the Hydro Archon. She had half the mind to test her worth as an Archon then and there, her temper flaring like an uncontrollable blaze, barely kept at bay. It took all her self control to force herself to smile politely at the woman rather then snarl.

"Miss Furina," She sneered beneath her hood, x shaped pupils locked onto the startled, trembling Archon with thinly veiled contempt. "What a..pleasant surprise. You'll have to forgive my manners, I assumed I was meeting with the Iudex." She observed her body language carefully– the way her eyes darted about like a frightened rabbit seeking escape, the slightest tremble of her lips..

Arlecchino opened her mouth to offer another scathing remark, but her jaw audibly clicked shut as her entire body seemed to lock up. Even her vision went cold against her back, a chilling feeling creeping up her spine as someone, or something, crept up behind her. Their footsteps were almost silent, the slight rustling of their clothes the only thing she could hear over her heart pounding against her ribcage.

Arlecchino had always prided herself on being on the other end of that sensation– she was the monster, and her target was the prey frozen like a deer between the hunters crosshair.

It was a chilling feeling to have the dynamic shifted on it's head.

She couldn't even swallow, her jaw clenched so hard she could hear it creak as she tried to reason with her quickly splintering mind– a futile effort, her joints locking up almost painfully. Black spots were quickly swallowing her vision from the lack of air in her lungs, the sound of shuffling behind her barely audible over the ringing in her ears.

For a moment – a moment too long to have only lasted the seconds that it did, yet so quick it gave her whiplash – she thought she would hit the floor dead before she could even glimpse her assailant.

And then it was gone. She came crashing back into reality with a startled inhale, her lungs burning and her knees nearly buckling under her. The instinct to lash out and kill whoever had done it was intense, yet she couldn't bring herself to move even a finger– it would be so easy to twist around and ignite them with searing flames, but her feet were rooted in place.

She almost didn't notice the surprisingly gentle hands unclasping her cloak, tugging it off her shoulders, if not for the sheer intensity of the presence still lingering behind her. Her mind was still fractured, struggling to right itself after the ordeal, and it had her seething.

"..Are you certain you held back enough?" Furina croaked, the normally soft lilt raspy and almost hoarse. "Not– not that I doubt your capability, most Divine!"

Arlecchino felt her nails dig harshly into her palms, heat swelling beneath her skin– Divine? Had she lost her mind? The Divine was..

The Divine was upon their throne where they belonged. She'd seen them!

"Hm. Well, maybe? Sorry, I didn't think it'd affect you too." Their voice was sickeningly soft as they stepped around her like she wasn't even there, focusing their attention on the Archon who seemed more then delighted about it. "What gave you that impression, most Divine? Aha, I..was completely unaffected, as you can see! Perfectly fine."

Furina let out a small squeak when they pinched her cheek, but the almost affectionate smile that tugged at their lips revealed the lack of malice behind the action.

"You're a bad liar, Furina. You might want to sit down..please?" They didn't take her protests for an answer, gently pushing her to sit on the bed before abruptly turning to face Arlecchino once more, a forced smile on their lips. "Oh, good, you're..uh, not dead. That's good. I thought I fried your brain. Sorry?"

..Had she hit her head on the way here? The Divine should still be on their throne, yet she couldn't shake the weight of their stare– it felt tangible. She felt like she was standing face to face with the stars– galaxies and constellations bearing down upon her.

She grit her teeth and clenched her hands until she felt the sting of her nails against her palms, grounding herself in the pain through the sheer overwhelming nature of their existence.

"You.." She croaks, reaching out with a shaky hand and grabbing them by the collar of their shirt, lifting them up until their feet left the floor– she pays no mind to the startled protests of the Archon. Arlecchino would crush her like a bug before she even got the chance to intervene and they both knew it. "You shouldn't exist– you aren't them, and yet you..you're the imposter, aren't you?" Her grip tightens yet they face her without an ounce of fear, meeting her unyielding glare with a pondering look.

Arlecchino wanted to make them bleed just to see if she could, the urge to sink her teeth into skin welling up in her chest to the point she visibly snarled, her mask of politeness long . "You're the imposter." Her expression falls for a moment before she schools it into one of apathy, setting them back down and holding them there for a moment, finally releasing them after a tense moment. "Or you were supposed to be."

Hers brows furrow– she wants to demand answers, to throttle them for damning them to being nothing more then dolls for the supposed Divine to break at their whim, but none of the words come to her.

"..Why now? The current Divine has been in power for years, yet you descend now?" Her shoulders tensed, lips pursed into a thin line– it's impossible to ignore the truth that lay before her. The Divine is a fraud and this..imposter is the true Divine. How many years had they been in power, now? How many years were they waiting? Why did they wait? Was the suffering of Teyvat not enough? Was the blood that painted the steps of their stolen throne not enough?

She'd personally been on the wrong end of the Divine's wrath– she wonders..had they watched? Had they seen the cruel hand of their imposter and turned their back on Teyvat?

"I.." They hesitated. It made her seethe, her hands clenching into fists at her sides– her vision flickered, flames swelling within it's casing just to be smothered by the presence of the Divine. But once that spark had been lit, she refused to let it go out. "I didn't know."

The answer does not satisfy her. There is an itch beneath her skin that she cannot scratch, a fire that burns in her chest so hot it scorches even herself.

"And what about now? Are you content to cower like prey in the safety of the Palais Mermonia?" She snapped, taking a step forward, her brows furrowed and her glare intense– she can see the slightest bit of worry in their eyes. She revels in it. "Will you let them use your acolytes like pawns? How many more need to be broken on the steps to your throne before you act?"

Again, her vision flares and dims– it refuses to be used against the Divine that created it.

"Have you no answer?"

The room is silent. They do not speak and neither does she.

Even the world itself seems to quiet in the face of her accusations, fury boiling to the surface so hot it incinerated all it touched.

"I will kill them myself."

Their words are quiet, but they are not soft– there is a vindictive, searing anger that explodes out like dying stars within their eyes. The sight of constellations replaced by a void that would not be . The smell of ichor grows stronger– to the point she feels almost lightheaded.

"..I am aware that I have failed in preventing this, but I had no choice in the matter. Still," They muse, their voice like the tolling of bells. A solemn melody that stills the swelling fury burning in her chest, if only for a moment. "I will rectify it– I will tear down their throne of lies and let not even the earth tarnish itself by burying their corpse among it's soil."

They pause for a moment, holding out their hand– scarred and bandaged by the weapons of the devout, yet still they take upon the burden of dirtying their hands to save those who did not save them.

"Do you trust me, Arlecchino?"

Did she?

"Will you help me?"

She exhales heavily, meeting the starry iris' of the Divine with a scowl still tugging at her lips. Arlecchino trusted no one but herself.

"..Yes."

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #imposter au #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #arlecchino #lyney #furina #you do NOT wanna know what i got put thru writing this fic #trying 2 find out where arle was in the few times we DO see her and going down a rabbit hole of fuck fontaine and its layout actually!#I spent like 3 hours looking it up and checking in game it gives me a migraine thinking abt it. ew #anyway trying to write a really smart character is surprisingly difficult when ur as dumb as rocks #also used an actual chess match for this and gave myself an even worse migraine trying 2 make sure i didnt repeat moves or smth #furina doesnt get a spotlight yet just imagine her sitting in the corner trembling like a wet kitten you found on the side of the road #arlecchino goes thru a crisis more at 11 #shes a tired single dad shes isnt getting paid enough for this okay #hands u a fic over half the length of the other THREE PARTS #ehe :]#is arle actually on ur side??? is she gonna double cross u???? who knows!!!!!#shes unpredictable she might stab u for funsies #anyway im gonna go nap in a ditch now this took SO LONGGGGG OH MY G-D #also just think acolytes who arent buddy buddy w reader and even resent them is so tasty #bc how r they supposed 2 know reader was a human vibing 5 minutes before their got eebied 2 teyvat..#reader gotta roll up their sleeves and get 2 WORK sometimes murder IS okay #they gotta fix some shit around here and that means committing several crimes all at once. sometimes more #a group can be g-d (just got here) their dragon (neuvi) their cat (archon) their dog (wrio) and their wolf (arle)

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13eyond13 · 2 months

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actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew

#like its always just been there in my life but i just never paid attention #my university roomie was obsessed w them and had several beatles posters that i looked at every day #so stuff like the pictures of them from the let it be album are like engrained into my brain #and yet i never knew the lore??#nor did i know until recently that they were actually all high school buds nor did i know they wrote their own music #nor that they genuinely basically invented modern bands n using the studio the way they did etc. so all that was very impressive and cool #but THEN on top of that omg the angsty gayness of john and paul #like all i knew previously basically was that john was a thing w yoko ono and paul had a young wife recently #i had at one point heard of people shipping j&p together and was just kinda like wow i guess people will ship anything #I DIDNT KNOW #that they were actually like that cute and that insane together and that their song writing together was like an actual marriage #anywayz the old pictures and videos of them are just like jesus look how they look at each other i dont think it was just being bros #i am sort of in the camp of they prob didn't act on it for real but there was def some insane tension/chemistry going on #and then ofc once youre aware of this their songs take on so many possible meanings outside of just singing about their gfs and wives....#anyways i just have to vent about this somewhere bc im actually shocked at how this has just passed me by all these years #and it definitely was not on my bingo card for 2024 to fixate on the beatles but here we are lol #more proof to me that my ultimate fave trope or wtv is 'besties to enemies when really they actually probably wanted to be lovers'#gets me every time!!!!#whats been fun about this rabbit hole is how just every single one of my expectations has been reversed as well #i went in assuming i would like them best in this order:#(1) george (2) ringo (3) paul and (4) john #i was sure i would hate john i thought he sounded so pretentious and like such a douche #but no actually he is my fave one and it's literally in reverse order for me i find george my least fave #(i like his music and feel bad for how he got ignored in the band but i like him the least)#and then i literally am john paul ringo george in order of faves now #i just love when i get surprised like that idk it keeps me on my toes and keeps things exciting and fresh #and yes john is indeed pretentious and a douche but i didn't know he was also funny and vulnerable and that i like his voice and songs #the most in the bunch almost every time as well #the beatles #p

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theygender · 3 months

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I love thriftbooks so much. My gf and I finally got a new bookshelf for our bedroom and there's a lot of extra space on it so I decided to try and fill in the gaps in my collection of warrior cats books from my childhood. I needed 8 books in total and I just found ALL of them in "very good" condition for a total of only $35 (with free shipping!)

#if you dont care whether your books are pre-owned they are SO good. everything is so affordable #sometimes you can even get 'like new' condition where its been read before but you cant even tell #or even brand new ones that have never even been read once #personally i like the 'very good' condition for most of my books #like if im buying a copy of a book i read as a kid for example then like i want it to match the other books i have from my childhood #also the reason i dont have these specific warrior cats books in the first place is bc i borrowed them from the library #so it kinda feels right to buy them pre-owned now #also sometimes it gives me this really cool feeling of like being connected to someone ive never met #like i got my books about judaism from thriftbooks and one of them in particular was in 'good' condition #(which allows for minimal writing on the pages)#and theres multiple places throughout the book where the previous owner underlined certain lines in pencil #and its just really cool to me to see what lines the previous person who read this book thought were important #it makes me pause and consider those lines to figure out if theyre important to me too #im also looking into getting more copies of the locked tomb series (specifically i want a hardcover and paperback of each book)#but i wanted them new so i originally went to b&n bc i know its rare for thriftbooks to have books in 'new' condition #even with b&n having a sale tho they we SO expensive #just buying gtn in hardback was gonna cost almost as much as i paid thriftbooks for all of my warrior cats books combined #so i went to check if thriftbooks happened to have any 'new' condition copies of them and they do!!#they have 'new' copies of each of the books in the format i want them in! shouldve checked there first lol #rambling

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shatterthefragments · 18 days

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I’m becoming who I’m meant to be, slowly.

I’m inhabiting my body as a home as I make it such that it is a home for me.

💖😌✨

Also it’s a lovely studio! Masks required, hepa filters running, quiet area, but still near a bus route, was quiet once some of the people left (my artist was also super surprised that all of the tables were in use when they arrived at the shop too!!) and even though we didn’t chat (they put in their faq basically that they often forget to chat so bring headphones or whatever to do while they work) it wasn’t awkward or anything. It felt like such a safe space and I adore it so much :) (and it’s more local to get to than the other one that I’m definitely also going to go back to too at some point hopefully this year) (yay local queer owned covid cautious studios!!!!!)

#shatters’ tattoos #shatters’ fragments #ok time to eat something else #bc it’s been a while since my last meal even if I took breaks while tattoo #had a juice box for the first break before we drew the plant in there #and then before we did my leg while they were printing out the design I had a granola bar and water #and then afterwards I had a chocolate bar and another juice box and water #and then for the buses home I just had some water between buses but considered if I wanted a fourth juice box today but I didn’t really #but now I’m a bit hungry #today was fucking WEIRD at first #like popping in real quick to work?!?#class!! which I’m actually SUPER EXCITED for and about its great so far #and then walked around with a classmate who’s probably now my friend and popped into a bookstore #but it was super hot by then too #so I went off to get close to the studio #and had sushi in the shade of the parking lot before walking over #and trying to like. drink water and stay hydrated before going in #was definitely intimidated by how many people were in the shop at first #they said that it was highly unusual for all chairs/tables to be in use at once #(and they own the place!!)#but it’s such a lovely and welcoming space tbh #I’ve been to the studio once before for a market #but this is the first time I’ve been while it’s set up as a tattoo studio (it’s usual use)#and it’s just so good 💖#truly made my day really nice at the end #finally got to cool down quite a bit once I was sitting still and then laying down for the tattoos #(…actually I’m a little annoyed I paid $9 for coffee this morning actually but alas anyway)#and it was just. SO NICE #similar vibes but like cozier than the other shop I go to #it has less tables and its more private and accessibility is a huge thing there

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cosmic-ships · 4 months

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I was so mentally done yesterday I fell asleep at 10pm and proceeded to have the worse sleep ever. It's now 6am and I am exhausted.

F/O please comfort me 💔 everything sucks rn

#maybe I'll write today if I'm up for it.#I may not be very enthusiastic today for myself or others.#stress stress stress #I got stress on stress on stress. cause my phone company decided it was gonna just not work even tho I paid my bill #they're trying to resolve the issue so I'm now without phone 😮‍💨 just why does it all have to happen at once?#anywaaaaays sorry. im just blaaarg irl got me kicked pretty hard rn #its only temporary least its what I keeo chanting to my self... :/#keep*#not self ship

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ofj-art · 4 months

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I’ve been away forever bc life has been a bitch but I swear I’m not dead

#let’s pretend i just hibernate for the winter #a lot of it has just been financial troubles and stuff related to it #focusing on juggling everything that comes with that #I was unemployed for a while but then found work but it hardly paid me enough to live off of and I had to get help to cover rent and bills #it was just really stressful #but I got a new job but now im busy bc its full time and an hour commute #idk ive just been occupied #i still havent posted the sketches from those donations all the way back in october bc it just slipped my mind and then my pc died on me #i managed to extract the files from the hard drive i just gotta find the sketches and post them #but ive moved back onto my old slow ass laptop RIP #i’ll try and find them once i get home #im sorry for my absence it’s been. well #its been

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a-gay-little-cat · 8 months

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one day i'll sit down and bother with drawing tiger's cybernetics properly but i am thinking about his sandevistan, it doesnt fully imbed into the back for a stylistic choice more than anything, strengthening the spine and all that, but it also isnt fully external as to not be in the way when lying down or anything of the sort its got vents along each little section, able to open up and allow for cooling as needed, creating spines as it does

#hes got so much shit going on thats gotta cool down somehow!!!!!#a lot of times he doesnt really use everything at once just as needed #so he doesnt run the risk of overheating #he can overclock the systems and exceed it to an extend #but not for long before the failsafe kicks in shutting everything off so he can cool off #you could say most of the time he runs at using maybe 20/30% of shit he's got installed #which is all custom made also mind you #paid good money for everything #which yes yes i know maybe overpowered whatever im having fun playing toys and tiger is my special guy!!!!!#his back is basically a sandy/serker combination #BUT! he cant netrun #its never been his thing as fascinating as it can be #(though he does think of netrunners to be.. a little pretentious sometimes knowing full well they could just fuck up his systems. cheaters)#tiger #BWABWAWA TALKING ABOUT OCS AND PLAYING

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hecksupremechips · 7 months

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Ashton Frey is literally so autistic though like it’s got me making organized lists here let’s see

He’s carefully mastered the art of observation and reading people cuz he was so bored as a kid being forced to attend large social gatherings and he isolated himself and just studied the way people interacted with each other to figure out why they behaved the way they did. Despite this, he’s still really bad at understanding social cues (he is never able to tell when Rebecca is upset or what could’ve caused it, he can’t word anything properly, he talks in such a logical way that he comes off as uncaring and he doesn’t notice when it upsets people, etc) and generally doesn’t interact with most people

He’s very intelligent but hated school because the system was structured so horribly. He fell asleep in professor Andrew’s class frequently but once the professor found a way to appeal to his interests he became super committed and passionate

He’s horrible, just absolutely horrible with words and communication lol. He fumbles and stutters and says a lot of mean things on accident. He mostly communicates through his actions and it’s why he comes off as cruel and uncaring to those who don’t pick up on it and kind and considerate to those who do pick up on it (my favorite example is the difference between Rebecca and Isabella’s feelings towards him. Rebecca relies on Ashton to tell her how he feels and because he doesn’t communicate very good verbally, she assumes he doesn’t care about her when he in fact cares a great deal. Isabella on the other hand is able to get on his level a bit more, like understanding that even though he teased her about the letter he still took his day off to help her in the way he thought was best and he gave her ice cream and the charm because he cares, and she is able to see just how loving he really is)

Earning his trust isn’t easy but once you get it he WILL cling to you like crazy and shower you with memes and bad puns and do anything to make you happy

He gets a lot of attention for being hot but he’s usually oblivious to it or finds the attention annoying. He also tends to turn people off with his personality

He fixates so hard on what’s important to him that it’s detrimental to his physical and mental health and he shuts out everything else to pursue his interests

He categorizes his life into boxes and HATES when things slip out of their needed space. He finds himself lying a lot to the people important to him because he’s so desperate to keep them away from the other parts of his life. He is easily transformed by the people in his line of work and finds himself becoming like them. Also he’s kinda gullible in his job and doesn’t realize he’s been manipulated by his boss since day one cuz teehee cops are fucking assholes and he has a naive sense of justice and easily believes everything his boss tells him and it makes him the perfect pawn for some abuse (seriously i hate chief lee so fucking much god I hate him Ashton baby I’m sorry but you’re being manipulated and your boss is a monster and you need to get a better career dude)

He’s very insecure and scared of rejection and beats himself up for minor flaws. He also has trouble understanding his feelings and expressing them he tries to logic his way out of feeling and only cries when he’s hit absolute rock bottom and is like. Told that he needs to cry because he’s clearly not holding up well and only then is he able to

He’s got a damn good memory and remembers every obscure thing about his friends

He’s very attached to objects and gives them names (Shirley and Ophelia my beloved)

#the letter #the letter visual novel #ashton frey #i also got similar shit for marianne shes sooooo autistic coded its unreal #but yeah i just love the way this manifests in all the relationships like i said here the contrast between rebecca and isabella #it really shows the compatibility of the characters like i mean they all struggle with communicating a bit #but with ashton and rebecca they got the classic problem of rebecca getting upset because she thinks ashton doesnt care #because he expresses his feelings through his actions but never says the right words shes looking for #so then she gets mad when he doesnt notice shes upset with him because she never tells him whats wrong #and he can be kinda oblivious to her being upset and he says things that make it worse #its just a fucking mess they are not on the same level at all they fight constantly and with rebecca in particular shes just never satisfied #isabella on the other hand she feels frustrated with ashton too because he teases her a lot and she takes it very literally #but theyre able to find a middle ground like ashton takes responsibility and apologizes for the times hes upset her #and Isabella is able to notice how ashton has been showing his feelings through his actions like she realizes he spent his day off trying to #help her and he took her to the ice cream place cuz he noticed it and thought of her and he paid for her despite being a scrooge #and he gave her the charm even though he doesnt believe in curses because he knows she does and shed maybe feel protected with it #and its really cute cuz once she realizes this you can just see the exact moment she Gets It BAD for him #they are so fucking aaaaaaaa so good for each other i love them they are everything

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thepandalion · 7 months

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and today in "why is fandom so antisemitic" just blocked two more followers in my sideblog, which makes it about 10 of what would have been almost 35 followers over a couple months. because the "all israelis are evil" bs is really big in mcyt circles.

also haven't watched the new season of hc because I don't want to touch the fandom anymore and enjoying things alone isn't as fun when you know there's a fandom. but also the fandom is full of people that wish I was dead so I dont want to be there either. which means right now the only things in my life are the jewish bloggers I follow (love yall) and doing daily challenges in microsoft solitaire. and university ig but it's the weekend and Im trying not to think about my homework rn

also gave up and made a "btw Im israeli plz stop following me if u want me dead" post on the sideblog. hope it works ig.

#its also wild bc I do fandom art on that blog and people love it #even my dad thought it was awesome enough to commission me for his own work stuff once! thats awesome #I got paid for the art I did for him with a merch hoodie from the fandom #and I love it and I love the art I did and I love the original content its based on.#but I cant even watch the new season without thinking about how I want to liveblog but cant because liveblogging attracts attention #and fandom attention scares me now. half a year ago I worked nonstop to get any amount of positive attention in the fandom #I stopped family dinners to watch new episodes and liveblog half an hour after the sessions were out to get people to see my posts #and now. I want none of that #a month or so ago I joined the community discord. the people were so nice to me #and then I went to the vent channel. bc someone mentioned there's i/p stuff in there. its all anti-israel #to the point I felt uncomfortable staying there despite never saying a word about where I'm from beforehand. almost felt unsafe to be there #just... that fandom prides itself on trying so hard to be wholesome and safe after the dsmp fandom ended up so toxic #and here they are wishing I was never born #because I never would have been born if not for this country. my grandparents on my dads side met in the resistance against the british #my parents met at uni. they never wouldve met if not for this country #I wouldnt be alive if not for this country and while I dont like the government I love this country so much #Im just so sad #ישראבלר

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kuromi-hoemie · 1 year

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GOD. I forget how much fun writing can be. I don’t actually like the semantics of writing out dialogue n stuff (yet?) but I really love coming up with lore and background information and putting a bunch of stuff together for references.

That metroid dread post and my lil rant in the tags has only further inflamed my desire to make that story I have in mind REAL. I wanna do a Volume Zero type of story in webcomic format so it flows p nicely but def have some reading I need to do for reference.

I have my silly little google doc going though and idk I think if I can stick with it as a thing I keep coming back to for a creative outlet it’d be really fun as a way to work on both my drawing and my writing.

I figured at least while I’m being indecisive about the actual art style I could work on getting some other details together that will guide me later on.

If u are a metroid nerd and r interested in seeing my lil guiding document I would love 2 share a link (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) right now it's just some stuff hastily thrown together in the middle of my shift but i think it's shaping up into something Fun so far

#hhhhhh look.#a week off from work is not enough.#I need a paid YEAR to seclude into a mountain (with internet) so I can solely work on my art uninterrupted by life's responsibilities.#it's an exciting ongoing project of mine though and the actual reason I got into digital art to begin with #Metroid as a childhood/all-time favorite series too just idk. It's nice to have a deeper way to engage with it as a universe.#Like at this point there is def a certain gameplay style players are expecting that I think kinda locks it in a box ykwim?#like there are SO many interesting little pieces of lore that are just fucking small besides-the-point footnotes and i'm like WHAT??#AND Y'ALL AREN'T GONNA EXPLORE THAT FURTHER AND PLAY WITH IT?? EXPAND UPON IT??#but look if /i/ can work myself up to being able to explore and expand upon it that is extremely satisfying in its own way #and idk aaaa. i'm just rly pumped. once u start writing (or drawing. or anything creative) it's sooo hard to stop but i have to WORK #ಥ_ಥ anyways.... just wanted to word vomit about my excitement here and what i'm up to. Sapphic art is its own kind of lovely and fun #and so is furry art. but i rly wanna get into this and get it going fr.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#unprecedented emotions in this body o mine. like. this may b surprising given the amount of bitching i do on this website #but let me assure u irl i am exceptionally patient. but right now. there is a limit and that is where we now stand #and again this is prob my fault but ive come to the conclusion that fuck these custom chambers. fuck the amount of work that went into them #fuck all of this. im not fucking using them. i will sit here with this one fucking bryophite chamber if it takes me all goddam day bc at #least i fucking trust the values. that means ill have to split up measurements by 2 days but fuck u im right abt this #the solution is: u cant fucking do 98 samples at once. that it. im sorry. fuck u #and i would probably have come to this conclusion earlier if i had thr time to test but doing it all rught now with no fucking room for #grace makes it very fucking clear. so idk. im not fucking using the chambers. and im not looking forward to explaining this to my boss #bc shes so excited abt this project that i have been dreading since its conception. i started with the 3 chambers and it was somehow #even more awful than i would have imagined. fuck that. 2 or 3 fucking weeks of this #and im not even getting paid for all the extra work i do bc i don't get overtime. im not even technically allowed to work weekends or over #40hrs a week. im just doinf this bc im already so miserable why thr fuck not.#hhhhh im being such a brat abt this for real. ugh but i dont wanna meet with my boss #bc this feels like the time where i have to explain that like. listen. u know that thing im really good at and have spent fucking hour and #hours and hours and hours of time doing? well its catastrophically destructive to my brain and thats whats landed us here #where im so fucking fed up that i wanna quit. clean cut and never work with this stuff ever again #and if i have to use the 3 chambers i might die. i might just evaporate away into a million pieces bc i dont wanna deal with this #but i dont wanna explain that bc then shell feel bad and this isnt her fault. i have an issue thats out of my control and im letting it #devour me whole so like 🤷‍♂️ its my fault bleh #whatever. itll be fine. ive got a coherent argument as to why this is too much. and i kno im fucking right so there it is #i feel like that helps me make decisions: heres what has to happen. heres whats preventing that from happening #and there it is. it either u can fix it or u cant. thats it. u deal with the things in ur control #lol at least im not alone to stew in my anger. im working with 2 other ppl today. so i mean i say that im fucking furious bc im visual fine #lol bc im a patient and level headed person irl im just really whiney online bc i have no outlet. so itll b fine. decision made now we just #deal with it. ugh but how tf am i gonna distract myself from how miserable this is all day? thats the real question #brain gets Interrupted ever 5 min bleh agony #unrelated

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inkskinned · 9 months

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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

#spilled ink #warm up #“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol #btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can #run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her #but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like.#ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone!#like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate''#we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!

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