#its about openness and intention
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Hi!! What are your thoughts on the confrontations at the empty pool vs the ocean? Obviously the ocean is relevant to kant's past but the juxtaposition of the two is so interesting to me but I can't really figure out if that was just an aesthetic choice or if there's actually something to it.
Looking forward to your thesis about the boat scene!!
omg thank you for asking and i will absolutely be writing an in depth post about the boat scene probably later on cause it was sooo chock full of things and first kanaphan deserves every fucking award possible for that scene
i will say, i think when it comes to analyzing media, there are so few things that are done and chosen "just for aesthetic." i've had other people comment on that when i've talked about the religious imagery, and while yes, aesthetic is important in media and often times can be reason enough for directors and designers to choose them, i would say more often than not there is also meaning behind big choices like set. they put fadel and style in an empty pool for a reason, just as they put kant and bison on the boat for a reason.
now, the boat was likely a very obvious choice for bison because like you said, it's relevant to kant's past and kant told him on their first date that he was scared of the ocean. so, of course tying him up and putting him on a boat surrounded by water to confront him would be the exact sort of psychological torture bison would want to inflict on kant.
but when you compare it to fadel and style, i think it's also a way of representing openness, and in a way it's a representation of each couple.
because fadel confronts style in an empty pool, and he's stripped style almost completely naked. style is laid almost totally bare, and that's true in a literal sense as well as a metaphorical sense, because fadel knows he's a "snitch." and the thing about fadel and style is that while yes, there's been lies and deception there, style has also been very earnest in every way he can be. it was only more recently that he had to start lying for real, and even then he still sneaks in as much truth and openness with fadel as he possibly can. and it's exactly what he does here - even with a gun to his head and fadel telling him not to say he loves him, style still says it because it's true and style doesn't know how to be anything but open and honest with fadel.
and then when it comes to the bison and kant of it all, there's a lot more lies and deception. kant is not laid bare in the same way - bison even has him in essentially a costume by putting him in the patient scrubs. but at the center of it all is the fact that even with all the lies, even with the murky waters, kant has been honest with bison. he's been vulnerable with him. and that's how bison knows putting kant on a boat and telling him to jump overboard is the cruelest thing he could do to him. it's fair game to bison because of what kant did to him, but it also shows that even if bison thinks everything was a lie, there was always some amount of truth to it. because kant never had to give an assassin his biggest fear, but he did it anyways.
i also think the empty pool vs the ocean says a lot about bison and fadel's intentions in the scene, even on a subconscious level. i don't think fadel at any point planned to actually hurt style. maybe he told himself he would, but i think deep down he knew he would never be able to go through with it. so, he puts him in an empty pool where yeah, he can get hurt if he pushes style into it and he hits the floor of the pool, but those injuries likely won't be serious enough to kill him - and he won't drown.
whereas bison, despite likely also knowing he can't actually hurt kant himself, took him somewhere he could make kant do it for him. and even then, it's clear he regrets it as soon as kant hits the water, because he's calling out to him as soon as he jumps off, as if he didn't expect him to actually do it. bison wants to hurt kant but he knows he can't, whereas fadel wants to want to hurt style and knows he can't. and those are two very different things.
#idk if this makes sense but like. yknow?#its about openness and intention#the heart killers#fadelstyle#kantbison#asks#my analysis#mine
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leering
#its MYYYY flat fuck friday and IIIII get to post the trans women#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#lucabyteart#anyway this was fabric practice because as a silly funny animal artist i dont draw clothes often especially not dresses#so here i will indulge the transfem sifloop truthers because hello comrades i mean what i said in my essay after all#so know that this was the intent with which this img was drawn its not just nonbiney its something specific for you lot#<- (to find said essay. look in the lucabytewrites tag. thanks! its a few months back. it opens with a joke about shredded cheese)#(youll know it when you see it. hopefully.)#edit: lmao i drew and queued this before that anon asked adrienne if theres any transfem characters. and like. head housemaiden win#but also anon. pspspspspss. come here. come closer. join me. Join Me.#we can be Right. Together. 🫴
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dear diary. today my former second in command served me a salad. i think he did this because he hates me and wants me to die.
#great god grove#capochin#ggg hector#great god grove spoilers#ggg spoilers#hector is constantly on defensive i think and looking for signs that arent there#its exhausting for them both to deal with but theyre working on both being open and clear about needs and intentions#and not just jumping to conclusions#the fact that hes verbalizing all this is a good firsr step even if its a lot
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standing in front of a firing squad would have been easier than reading this script i need to be shot
#this is hands down the most insane script ive read i was sitting slack jawed half the time#not because its Outrageous but because. oh my fucking God#frank sure does have too much influence over *gestures broadly* This.#to see their dysfunction presented like this. is. so.#like. of course the reason they cant be nice to each other is because they all expect some kind of Trick. we see this again in s12#they've set a precedent where everyone is unable to be vulnerable out of fear that someone else is going to take advantage of them#its about knowing to Never let their guard down. because they can't afford to be stupid enough to think someone was being nice#its literally about them not trusting each other. they know each other. care about each other. but they're all still at war with each other#anything could be a trojan horse#and even when they try to do something thoughtful it's ruined bc their motives are being questioned and that provokes a defense#''of course i wasn't being Nice that's stupid why would i ever do that for you'' because otherwise theyre leaving themselves open to attack#i think this episode works purely because theyre All trying to change this at once and since theyre all aware of that fact#its like oh okay youre not fucking with me because we've established we're all trying not to be cynical#i cannot even begin to dig into the pure autism of this entire. not even just the episode premise. the whole basis of the gang's dynamic.#like yeah of course a group of weird neurodivergent people is hypersensitive to this#its the same thing as mac and dennis in suburbs questioning wally's intentions/demeanor welcoming them to the neighbourhood#literally in defense mode all the time because they expect the worst from people and they haven't had any reason to think otherwise#marder and rosell get it but thats not exactly new and surprising <3#but wow this script adds so much. at least for me.#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#ada speaks#character meta#for good measure
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yknowwww there is something... deeply uncomfortable about the way mel never speaks directly to viktor in the 'build hextech weapons' scene. she really only speaks to jayce. plenty of people have pointed this out already but like the one scene they actually share a meaningful interaction and she treats him like he's beneath her. all this after jayce has emphasized how important viktor is, that hextech is theirs, together. she unequivocally ices him out, there's no other way to interpret this scene. the way it's shot too - from viktor's perspective, looking up at her, as though to reinforce the same belief in him. like he doesn't even bother expecting respect from her - or anyone from the upper echelon of piltover. he's fully accustomed to being dehumanized by everyone around him at this point. sometimes even by jayce, despite the trust they clearly have in each other.
then of course after this scene is viktor experimenting on himself. it's pretty clear that he has internalized his own dehumanization. crazy.
#dont open these tags unless you want to read an essay im so serious#quick disclaimer i do properly ship jayvik as of s2e9 aha#sorry abt the like. spam. but yk this what rewatching an insanely detailed show with fresh eyes does to a mfer#arcane#.txt#i think mel and jayce (among others) both exhibit the same kind of casual classism#jayce somewhat more obviously with his whole 'the zaunites are dangerous' spiel#and mel more subtly. its in the way she shows very little concern for the plight of the undercity until yk. it explodes in her face#she's been on the council for a decade. has done little but rub elbows with the elites of piltover and amass her own fortune#pretty clear she hasn't so much as blinked at the horrific state of zaun. this makes her a very willing participant in its oppression fyi#and then of course her treatment of viktor#ive seen it pretty heavily debated and i don't really see any reason to deny or defend these actions of hers#likewise when jayce accosts viktor and reprimands him for going to the undercity or makes a hextech weapon there's no reason to excuse him#these are clear examples of classist behaviour and i dont think it does anybody any favours to ignore it#jayvik#<-tagged bc those who do not want to read criticism of or about mel will likely have it blocked#im not here to stir the pot thanks#there's also something a bit kooky about the idea of 2 privileged rich kids commiserating about the sad state of the undercity#meanwhile a literal resident of said undercity whose perspective they could REALLY use is dying in a lab using his own body to try and#cure a common zaunite ailment/disease#meanwhile they wont help until they feel piltover is 'safe' (aka has WMDs to use against any perceived threat aha....)#anyway#its all very complicated and i dont doubt that their intentions were good (...mostly) but the road to hell and all that#it just rly bothers me that viktor was like. right there. a wealth of insight into zaun. and neither jayce nor mel even bother engaging him
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hm..... pomni taking peoples hand as a repeating image in the show..... happens in ep 1, with ragatha, its kinda evoked with her reaching for the final exit door, ep 2 is pretty blatant with it i dont need to say anything else on that, and in episode 3 the scene with kinger..... episode 4 doesnt have anything with this i dont think (i COULD technically say her raising her hand at the beginning of the ep but that is a MASSIVE stretch and doesnt fit with what the other instances seem to be representing. her waving at gummigoo MAYBE but the image just really isnt present in the episode, looking at it realistically) but im thinking about this...... cus i feel like its probably notable in the dream sequence in ep 2 that its her arm that gets all fucked up
#tadc#i need to look thru all these and note which of her hands it is these happen w...#i ALSO still need to make my color theory and my door theory#well... less of a theory#more me overanalyzing specific repeated images in the show for possible motifs HAHA#its not really theories... but it is fun!#also my color thing has to do w the idea that diff colors in the show represent different things#i think red blue and green in particular are EXTREMELY important#it feels intentional that the only of the main cast with green as a constant in their design is caine and gummigoo...#and now that i think abt it caines blue eye lines up with ragathas button eye#PLUS . pomnis eyes being red and blue...#i think blue has to do w the game and green has to do w... smth?#i gotta think on it more#and the door thing is that like#i feel like doors are a repeating image in the show too#all the diff doors pomni opens trying to find caine. the exit doors. the bedroom doors (and pomni opening hers to ragatha).#the normal and scary doors. the gate to the dumbwaiter. the door out of the hall of the damned. the door to zoobles room#the front door of spudsys. (the lack of doors in wherever it is jax goes). the door out of caines office#theres probably a case for the portals to the adventures being related butttt waves hand#look doors are normal in fiction doors are a normal thing but LOOK. if youre gonna spend the whole pilot talking about doors#and then make it a big component of ep 3#im gonna get suspicious that youre using it as a symbol for smth ok....#(or repeatedly showing visuals of pomnis hand reaching other ppls hands)#(maybe the hole to the basement too but thatsss more of a stretch. but its certainly an entryway)#(smth smth its not shown visually in ep 4 because it happens more explictitly than in other eps. maybe?)#(...or maybe ep 3 was supposed to be the last usage of that imagery buuuut i dont think so i think itll come back... eventually. maybe ep 9#the door to spudsys gets a special shoutout bc like#i feel like the show is very obviously doing some things when it shows pomni behind it as it gets closed#something something. gummigoo is content and can 'leave' and she cant and shes accepting that#i mean i think shes given up on going home by this ep so i feel like its more of like. a letting go of gummigoo
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what do you value most in someone?
At *least* a 2x resistance to ground type attacks. My last partner died due to a 4x weakness to earthquake and it gave me SUCH an ick :/ likeeeee I haaaaate it when my partner gets one-shot by earthquake spammers. its such a turn off.
#LMAO but in all seriousness just someone who can match my energy.#I guess the short answer is patience. BUT also social compatibility.#i don't care if we have nothing in common#BUT i care immensely about our social chemistry.#I'm a pretty hefty home-body and my social battery dies pretty quickly unless I do a lot of mental prep before hand#so if you're the type of person that absolutely has to be talking all the time#or desperately needs to fill the silence we probably won't click#I'm very comfortable in silence and I'm also very okay with us doing our own thing in the same home#so if that makes your skin crawl we definitely won't work lol i am so introverted when I'm at home#i also really appreciate bluntness. if I'm pissing you off just be straight up about it.#OH i also value confidence. like sticking to your guns and loving who you are in spite of what other people think is so sexy and rad and ho#if you like something that i don't and still try to enjoy it despite my opinions i think that's really admirable#I've had too many friends / partners that would give up on things they liked because i didn't like it#and while i get the intention that type of thing just makes me feel bad#because you shouldn't be stopping on my account. do what you love and love what you do. who tf cares what i think of it if you like it?#like just because i hate taylor swift doesn't mean you gotta bottle up liking her ya know?#sorry i feel like this is a very broad question that doesn't have one individual answer in my mind lol#I'm very open minded when it comes to clicking with a partner#but i wanna learn about all your hobbies and interests even if i don't personally care for them.#like if its important to you its important to me#answered#ramblings
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What does your heart look like?
Tagged by @naejlas-axe! Thank you! I spun the wheel and picked 2 OCs for this one as, uh, yeah, we would be here a while otherwise!
Rhulvan // a cage with iron locks
You are an enigma. You take care to remain that way. You aim to keep people guessing; your motives are uncertain even to yourself. What is it you truly want? You’ll never know if you keep your heart locked away like that. You deserve to be known, truly and fully. Stop being afraid of what you might find if you open your heart up to self-reflection. Stop thinking that no one will love you the moment they understand you. You are more than the facade you put on.
Nanako // an open door, a burning hearth
Your chest is wide open, and your heart is a home. Others are welcomed in readily and asked to stay. You are comfort and love, everything you were never given but so desperately want to provide for others. You have built this welcoming hearth with your own two hands and won’t see anyone else left out in the cold. Be careful to not burn yourself out trying to keep everyone else warm.
I won't tag anyone as I've seen this floating around a bunch already / people I would tag have already done it! But if you have not done it and wish too, feel free to @ me!
#// nanako answers; within my palms spring forth life#i'll think of a tag for Rhulvan when my headache passes#q_q.#rp memes#quiz#ANYWAYS: THOUGHTS TIME.#Rhulvan is very accurate. this boy will not show his true heart or intentions to people out of fear (for who he was. where he comes from)#and also out of yknow. fear. if people find out the life he lived will they look at him differently? treat him differently?#will they think he is not capable of empathy and understanding because he comes from a place of higher stature? so instead he plays pretend#he's just an adventurer. stay with him a little while. lay with him a little while. then move on to live your lives apart#he keeps up his happy-go-lucky attitude in order to keep people out. fuck around and find out (literally)#Nanako is also very accurate save for the part about not being given comfort and love. her comfort and love was taught#her parents were full of both and showered her in both; they were just taken from her too soon. but to keep them alive she continues on#showing people compassion even if they think they dont deserve it. even if *other* people dont think they deserve it. her heart is open to#all in some capacity. friend. family. partner. whatever they may end up being to her - it does not matter. she will love you regardless#always. just a little bit. for as long as you need#will it burn her out eventually? probably. its exhausting to give so much and recieve so little in return; but that is not why she does it#she does it because she was taught that everyone deserves a chance#ramble over#ehehe
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Naw bro y’all are making my OCs seem more interesting then they actually are ☠️☠️ /j
Every time this happens though I’m like well it’s intentional NOW 😈😈😈😈
#doodle#doodles#Someone said they liked how the markings on one of my OCs eyes looked like mascara and they said they liked how it fit the OCs character#BECUASE she was sad all the time…. Gusys…. Who’s gonna tel them.. /j#The only intental detail I put on an OC that someone noticed was that Obsidians marking represents a third eye because he knows the truth o#What’s going on in the foundation gigiles#Ok they just said it looks like a third eye and they were right but it has a meanin so liek#GUYS…. HAZELS MARKING ON HIS FACE LOOOKS LIKE A HEART….. 🥺🥺🥺 OMG…. I learn new things about my OCs every day /j#I MADE IT LOOK LIKE THAT BECAUSE ITS LIKE… A CLOSED EYE COMPARED TO OBSIDIANs OPEN EYE MARKING I NEVER THOGUHT OF IT LOOKING LIKE ANHEART#And his heart marking is always covered up…. Because he doesn’t want to truly show he cares about to others…. O h my fucking god#How did I not realize this ABOUT. MY OWN OC. WHAT.
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so much of the world right now is showcasing a polished version of themselves. And to be honest, I did it myself for so long that I've become tired of it. And I never want to present myself as a person that does everything great because there's so many things I suck at. So I think there's an opportunity within that rawness to invite others to become raw themselves. And for us to see that, you know, we're not competing with each other. We're competing with ourself and our own image of ourself.
- Ryan on how he strives to form real connection with people.
#i think this may be my favorite part.#cause its literally so true. we are all just here trying to figure out this thing called life. be open. be vulnerable. have community.#we all need each other to survive. so to see him talk about being intentional about forming connections and not trying to pretend he’s#perfect like so many in his position tend to do. god just. i love him.#babycakes
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was at a gas station in the middle of nowhere fucking Arkansas today and 2 old men stared at me so openly and intensely (I am very very visibly queer) that it actually terrified me and I had a panic attack and started shaking and crying in front of my coworkers and several teenagers 😐
#its funny bc on the way up there we stopped at that gas station and i refused to go inside for this exact reason#it was so open that my coworker who's like the epitome of a straight white guy from the ozarks noticed it and said something#i was standing in line legit hiding behind my coworker whos like a foot taller than me#then i checked out and stood like on the other side of the counter by the door waiting for my coworker who had the keys#and the coworker id been hiding behind finished checking out and walked over and i looked back at where the old men were#AND THEY WERE STILL STARING AT ME. INTENTLY. LIKE FULLY STARING.#i just quickly followed my tall coworker outside and started freaking out more and more#i was like terrified that they were going to follow me out and i was with a bunch of fucking kids!!#my ozarkian dude coworker was like trying to make me laugh just saying i should go punch them and stuff but i was actually freaking out#like im used to this happening to some degree and expect it when im in the boonies but something about the way they were looking at me#made me feel like i was actually in danger and that the kids were in danger by proxy#my tall coworker tried to hand me something and i was shaking so hard i just dropped it on the ground#i also hate crying in front of people. especially my fucking coworkers and the teenagers in my care#i feel like they mustve thought i was being dramatic but i was actually so scared
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i depend on you (based and very much inspired by @/sometimes317 's piece on twitter)
process pics in read more!!^^
you can tell the moment it struck me that i was practically drawing ship art www
#re:kinder#fanart#yuuichi mizuoka#shunsuke takano#my art#i was trying to play into the whole ending of the game part#how shun basically became a life crutch for yuu in the last moments and he chose to do it regardless of what was done to him#with it making shun the yellow with the light blue eyes character of the original#which in interpretations of the og artwork brought in the question if yellow truly depended on blue the same way blue did on em#for blue has the exact same yellow for its eyes while yellow has another hue that isnt the same color as blue#i wanted to play into that to portray the one sidedness of yuu and shun's relationship#I CAME INTO THIS WITH THOSE INTENTIONS BUT ITS SO FUNNY TO ME NOW#because halfway through this i realized what i was drawing was essentially ship art#i came into this with the intention of it being very deep to be then struck by the concept of draqing ship art its so funny to me#i felt a little embarassed somwthing about drawing ship art has always made me embarrassed for no reason#like. very cute but on another hand never expect art from me ever again /j /j#on the other side i was very amused about it as well#the way it hit me was voicing the “its been one of those weeks... pass the yaoi!!!” meme in my head#which was simultaneously embarassing and very amusing to me#to end these tags off id like to communicate to you that the project file corrupted inmediately the second i finished this#i . i have no idea how it did that when it eas still opened now i literally cannot open it and thus change it ever again#the only thing my computer is missing is having very loud fans the second it starts up#it already heats up like a bomb im surprised im not hearing its fans with all it does#college computer save me college computer i miss the college computer#if i could i would genuinely go to uni just to draw but im not allowed to set up a driver for my tablet so i cant#one of these days i should just do rekinder fanart as one of my projects to have an excuse
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Why are you fully rendering fanart for something you hate so much why are you fully "redesigning" the entire cast of something you loathe why waste your time if you truly despise it and everyone and thing involved
#hazbin hotel is tge only thing ive seen this happen in#half the “redesigns” also reek of not even opening a wiki page#like thats just a whole ass different dude#cimpletely devoid of intentional design choices made to link them to the setting#just make an oc and dont weirdly try and ride a popular thing you dont like#vivziepop lives rent free in your head#like dont tag it with the same shit fans tag actual things with thats just bad tagging etiquette#its just annoying trying to find good fanart and stumbling upon the most Annoying People#like “IM so much BETTER AT DESIGN” ignoring basic things like#style difference changes made for animation and basic cohesive schemes so everyone fits#just because you dont like the style doesnt mean its inherantly bad#idk im annoyed#if you dont like something thats cool#dont be a bitch about it and shove yourself into fan spaces to loudly complain and declare yourself arbiter of quality#hazbin hotel
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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the scene where the doctor tells kate that he doesn't have kids yet is such a crazy ass thing to say just randomly but i love how when kate tells him that she never knew he had a granddaughter based off of the stories her father told her as a child, he tells her "I was a different Doctor back then, Kate. Great enigma. Still can't shake it off. I'm trying." which is so heartbreaking and it crushes me because it's already so apparent how badly he wants to change from this closed off, holds everything in his heart and then one day he'll die type of person. he wants to be better than that. for himself, for his friends. and he fails sometimes too, he gets closed off, like in rogue, he just tries to move on but ruby doesn't let him. but even that, he doesn't hug her fully, with all of his grief and fear. he's still holding back, but he's trying. and it hurts him. he's trying to be open and truthful and with that openness i feel like he's realizing just how painful life is without all those fortified walls up, how deeply grief can seep into him, but inversely, how fierce he can love and hate and fear and hope!!! everything is brighter and burns hotter when those barricades are down and its for the best and worst
#like rings of ahkaten eleven screaming at a god eating at his memories is 15 every other episode#how exhausting. i love him for it#it's just so sad but so lovely to see#i'm still thinking about him and 12. i don't have time for the luxury of outrage versus let it all seep into me like an open wound#so i can grieve them like they deserve so i can remember them like they deserve so i can love them like they deserve#two different ways of going about it that i feel are both justifiable ways to cope#because it's not just walls up to protect himself it's walls up to protect the ones he loves as well#whether or not that ends up helping in the end it hard to say but its the intention with this discussion yes? lol#ncuti really exemplifies this era of the doctor in a way i dont think anyone else could#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#im so tired sorry if this is hard to read#just my post ep babbles#talk.txt
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ive been really really loving your fic work for awhile now and i saw u worrying about trans rep stuff the other day and i wanted to tell u that as a transgirl who has terrible BPD from being a lonely kid ive felt very connected with your intrepretation of falin. the whole inner dragon metaphor and the inner guilt of if its justified for standing up for yourself was so absolutely keen to some of the struggles ive had in relationships and seeing them written so well in a character that already means a lot to me is wonderful. also your smut is tremendous please keep doing the lords work <3
#asks#a little creature#im very happy it resonated w u#also ahah whenever people mention it speaking to their bpd ive been quiet bc im still fairly apprehensive about being too open abt it#but enough people have been kind enough to tell me about it so i guess it bears saying that its somewhat intentional#i usually try to temper the way that my bpd influences the way that i write bc i know most characters dont react that intensely to things#but i knew it would be inevitable with how i was handling the way falins dragon affects her usual audhd mindset so#i kinda just let loose and leaned into the ways it makes it so difficult to navigate your own emotions#esp. when your confidence in 'right and wrong' in social situations is already horribly shaken bc of the autism#im v v happy people are able to feel connected to it#the autism + adhd + bpd clusterfuck is such a specific thing that i really wasnt expecting this many ppl to find it relatable AHA
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