#its been... VERY long its been like . what. 6 or 7 months? crazy

[op-grand-collection]

[spideesenses]

Half a Heart → Miguel O’Hara

pairing: miguel x gn!reader

warnings: angsty

prompt: miguel has a difficult time balancing out work and his personal life; you have received the short end of the stick countless of times.

Midnight rolled around & the empty spot next to you remains cold. Your heavy heart aches. You tried not to cry, but once that pinch in your chest comes to light, you can’t help the knot that gets stuck in your throat.

This was the 12th time this month that Miguel had left you hanging without any form of communication. 12th time the two of you had planned for a date & him not show up. You understood that he ran a business, you weren’t entirely sure what the business was, only that you would be safer if you didn’t know & to trust Miguel. Him not showing up was only a portion of the issue… the other part was him not communicating. Would you still be a little disappointed if he did communicate? Yes, of course, anyone would be if plans fell through last minute. But you wouldn’t have to hold onto this sliver of hope that just maybe… he’d make it this time.

You started thinking about how he hardly texted you as it was. You weren’t exactly the clingy type. You could be at times, but as a full-time worker, you understood that obligations come up. To make sure you weren’t crazy, you pulled out your phone. You scrolled, making note of the conversations that you had & all of them, were conversations that you initiated.

Two weeks ago

You — 6:56 AM good morning love, i hope you have a great day today. i miss you so much. i’m off at 5 today. any chance we can order takeout and have a movie night?💕

Miggy Smalls — 7:12 AM Buenos dias mi vida. I should be good for a date night, only I’ll be home at around 9 the latest. That okay with you? Be safe, i miss you xo💋

You — 7:15 AM sounds good. should i order from that thai place up the street?

You — 5:20 PM miguel?

You — 6:01 PM i ordered your favorite. should be here in 2 hours and a half. let me know when you’re on the way home. stay safe

You — 8:10 PM oh! i saw this and it reminded me of you. thought you might have a laugh [attachment]

You — 9:32 PM hey, you on the way? im throwing your food in the microwave so it’s warm when you get here!

You — 11:24 PM haven’t heard from you. hope you’re okay. food’s in the fridge🥺

Miggy Smalls — 2:12 AM Dios mios, lo siento baby. I’ll make it up to you, I promise

Two weeks ago

You — 9:44 AM hi! thinking of you. i miss you😭 little bit extra today.

Miggy Smalls - 10 AM Does my baby need a hug delivered? I’ll stop by with some lunch too.

You — 10:03 AM oh please! and a kiss too, while you’re at it🥺

Miggy Smalls — 11:45 AM Omw baby. Hang tight

You — 2:12 PM thank you for coming to see me today. it was very special to me & meant a lot. i love you

Miggy Smalls — 3:54 PM I love you baby. Of course. Sorry it’s been a while since we’ve spent time together, work can be unpredictable at times

You — 4 PM all good. just try to talk to me more, so i can be understanding, okay?

It wasn’t all bad. Miguel had his moments where he would show up for some cuddles. He wouldn’t stay long, but those moments were sacred to you. You cherished those moments beyond his imagination. Of course you did, you had to with how rare they were.

Tears rolled down your face as you went through your messages. You missed him so much. More than words could fathom. And with every single fiber in your body, you wished that you could stop feeling this feeling. Missing him was painful. It felt like your body was operating without its heart. Like you were walking around with only one shoe.

It wasn’t always like this either. In the beginning, Miguel was the one texting and calling you first. He was showing up to your apartment with food and a movie, or a puzzle he picked up. Actually, one of your first quarrels was how he felt like you weren’t doing these things for him. And you felt like these were things he enjoyed, so you didn’t want to take it from him; so the resolution was you would take turns. But that Miguel feels like he’s millions of miles away, as if he’s a completely different person.

You tried your hardest to distract yourself, but the screaming red light of your digital clock reading 12:56 PM only mocked you. You couldn’t get the time of his day. Could you even consider this a relationship?

The memories slowly peeled away in your head. Good and bad. And you really began questioning if the good really could outweigh the bad.

A shadow drifts across your window, causing you to sit up, immediately wiping your face with the sleeve of Miguel’s hoodie. If an intruder was going to get you, you’d be damned if it were booger-faced crying.

Immediately, your heart starts to pound in your chest; if the intruder didn’t know any better, it’d almost be as if you were knocking at the window. You reached for your bedside lamp, clutching it at the base, raising your arm as the shadowed figure presses their fingers to push up the window. Without hesitating, you swipe the lamp at the unnamed stranger.

“Ow! Babe?” you hadn’t even realized your eyes were closed shut and turned to the side. You peeked your eyes and there he was in all of his glory.

“M-Miguel?” you sniffled. You couldn’t help it. You saw him and your heart tore. The weld in your throat tightened as you swallowed.

“Baby, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

Only it wasn’t.

[arcvmonth]

ARC-V Month 2023 Prompt List

Starting June 15th, all works under these prompts are to be accepted and reblogged here. Any form of content is welcome, and so are late submissions! Scroll through the prompts, take your pick, and most importantly- have fun!

(Don't forget the tags and the @arcvmonth mention, though! We don't want your post to get eaten by Tumblr, now do we?)

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Day 1: Lights, Camera, Action... Duel!

We're starting off light and sweet with a simple introduction day. Present yourself, the type of content you do, or the charaters you'll be working with- anything goes, just let the audience know of you in your own way!

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Day 2: Kahyoreigetsu

Flowers, Moon, Winds, Birds. Four wonders of nature, gentle and pure, and four matching bracelets around the wrists of one girl each. For the first time in too long, today's show stars our very own quartet of Bracelet Girls, so be sure to celebrate those beautiful sweethearts!

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Day 3: Duetto of Duelist and Spirit

The primary principle of Entertainment Dueling is to become one with your cards, to put on the best show ever in tandem with the monsters in your Deck. Show us your favorite cards today, and the story behind your partners of choice!

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Day 4: The Merriest Band of Misfits

With such a diverse world and a massive ensemble, it's only natural for interesting chemistry to be found between quite a few characters in this show, and today is all about those neat little dynamics! Show us your favorite unconventional gang of idiots, stick them in one place, and let the chaos commence!

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Day 5: Action Magic - Overpass

Whoops, someone seems to have mixed up our cast's scripts! Bracelet boys? Riding Duel King Kurosaki? What is this?? Whatever shall we do?? Show us your wildest swaps today- be it roleswap, bodyswap, or whatever else you can think of!

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Day 6: Understudy Spotlight

You ever see a character and instantly like their vibe... only for them to disappear into the background for all eternity? Well, here's your chance to take them out for a little spin! Show us your favorite background character today, and give them the shoutout they deserve!

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Day 7: Of Amores, Per the Prophecy

That's right, today is the day to celebrate your favorite ships of all time! Show us your sweet OTPs, OT3s, or any sort of polys, and spread the love all around!

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Day 8: The Regular- ah, Standard Show

Standard dimension day! Give a shoutout to all those unique duel schools, or the chill and cozy atmosphere of Maiami City, or the original motley crew from the olden days of the very first arc! Every journey has its beginning, and this one is as good as they come.

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Day 9: Light Across the Aether

The ARC-V story tends to be something of a mixed bag at best, but today, we only look for the best things to find within this bag. Show us your favorite story arc, episode, or even a singular moment of greatness!

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Day 10: Take Five! ....Or Ten!

First free day! The momentum is slowly ramping up, but to carry on with a good show, one must take a breather every now and then. Take the day off to talk about whatever, make any work you want, or just chillax and wait for what comes next.

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Day 11: Legacy For the Future

ARC-V featured five Duelists from all across the previous spin-offs, each bringing an interesting twist to the show, and a curious few differences from their original selves. Today we celebrate those legendary legacy Duelists- them, and whoever else may have been among them in another world.

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Day 12: But You Still Take the Damage

Meme day! Get silly, go crazy, be cringe and be free! ARC-V is a circus of odd puns and bad jokes and dumb gags that never get old, so go ahead and toss out all your funny gold!

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Day 13: Abyss Beneath a Smile

No one is born evil, and yet some choose to let go of the light in favor of embracing the other side, for reasons one may find to be rather baffling at first glance. Today is all about these oh-so-villainous figures, so show us your favorite antagonist of choice!

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Day 14: Halfway to Heartland Tower

Xyz dimension day! Who doesn't love a good city that shines like a literal beacon in the night? Heartland certainly has its charm, and so does its lovable cast. Even in the face of adversity, they continue to inspire hope in every way they can, and that sure is something to celebrate.

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Day 15: Salt For the Salt Lord!

Remember the mixed bag, and how we looked for the best of it last time? Well, now's the time to take a look at the less favorable parts of the story. Show us your least favorite arcs, episodes, or a certain pet peeve you had with the show- let the salt flow and flood the whole land!

(We'll mop it up by tomorrow, don't worry ;D)

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Day 16: Actually, He Would Say That

Look, we all like our cast with their pros and their cons, but sometimes there's just something... missing, when you look at canon portrayal. Some more depth. Some trivial details and silly nitpicks, to add to their flair... which are exactly what today is all about. Show us your weirdest little headcanons and most random thoughts!

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Day 17: A Salad of Heavenly Proportions

Four dimensions, four summoning methods, four heavenly dragons.... and of course, four quarters of a whole idiot. Please give it up to the kiddos, the twinsies, the complete and utter dorks of all time: the Yuu-salad boys!

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Day 18: D/D/D - Different Dimension Day

Canon divergence, modern settings, fantasy, sci-fi and series fusions...yes, ladies and gentlemen, today is the day. It's time to throw canon to the wind, because we're making our own stories through the wondrous magic of AUs!

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Day 19: My Heart Beats 'Till Overdrive

Synchro dimension day! We are here to visit the city of speed, spectacle and freedom!... or the lack thereof. Progress is a non-linear road, but our daring riders are working their way there, so do give them their due credits today!

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Day 20: We Interrupt Your Schedule for A Commercial Break

Free day 2: electric boogaloo! We're well into the swing of things by now, but a short stop is due before we move on to the final stretch! Perhaps you could mention some of your favorite creators in the fandom, or just roll around with anything else you're working on. There's also the option to simply take a day off- we even have some popcorn for those who want to just sit back and watch the show.

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Day 21: League of Dueling Seriously

Or LDS for short- no, not the school, the Lance Defense Soldiers. Today we celebrate the single most chaotic group in the whole show- yes, it's the Lancers' time to shine!

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Day 22: Prismatic Rare, Prismatic Pair

"Man, these two are such an adorable pair! Lemme just look them up- what do you mean, there's no content for them??"

Sometimes, one must dig pretty deep to find those rare, hidden gems, so show us your own gem of a rarepair today!

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Day 23: Back At Class, They Never Taught A Thing

Fusion dimension day! Beyond the shores of Academia lies a trove of possibilities, and the same goes for the walls of the ornate castle as well. Every student and teacher has a story to tell, and together they weave quite the curious tapestry... though what is there to be seen in such a creation is up to you alone.

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Day 24: Oh. My. G.O.D

Manga day! Loathe as we all are to remember that last panel, the manga is actually surprisingly good otherwise. It introduces a handful of new faces while reimagining old ones, and has a nice underlying message that makes it well worth celebration overall.

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Day 25: Woe, Angst Be Upon Ye

Oh, would you look at that? Today we are gathered here for the express purpose of hurting our poor little meow meows and giving them more trauma on top of their existing issues! How fun!

... alright, fine, they might get a happy ending. No promises on that front, though.

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Day 26: Action Magic - Crossover

Oho? What's this? Our cast has been given an entirely new script!! Such curious mixes can create infinite possibilities, each more intriguing than the last. Show us how you're crossing over ARC-V with other media, and let's dive into a whole new world today!

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Day 27: Square Zero

Original dimension day! Very little is known about the place where it all began, but this is a blessing in its own right, for it lets us explore what may have been with greater freedom. Pray tell, how do you picture this world to once have been?

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Day 28: Hey, Who Hired This One?

Strangely enough, an anonymous figure has shown up to the performance today! Whoever might that be? Well, the answer is yours to decide! Introduce us to your OCs, and let them roam the world alongside the rest of the cast.

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Day 29: Into the Games!

While the anime and manga may be over and done with, it so happens that our beloved characters still exist in several games, and are even getting further development and chances for interaction! Let's talk about how YuGiOh video games have been handling ARC-V in the past, present, and future.

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Day 30: Curtains Down

Final day everyone, woohoo! It's certainly been a ride, and reaching its end feels more than a bit surreal, but now that we're here... it's high time we do the curtain calls.

Tell us your favorite days/works from this year's ARC-V Month, or as always, do with the day whatever you will. Here's to another great event next year... 'till then, ladies and gentlemen!

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Extra Prompts:

1) Time Pendulumgraph

Hey, who fast forwarded the timeline- wait, isn't this four years before the start?? Looks like we're dealing with some weird chronography here, so show us your pre/post-canon ideas today!

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2) Guest Appearance

A wild VIP guest has appeared! Take one character from outside the series, and thrust them into the ARC-Verse while hoping for the best. Anyone goes! Literally anyone. Go wild.

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3) Doodlebook - Uh Uh Uh!

A sad truth of this world is that we do not hold the power to materialize cards out of thin air when pushed against the wall... however, what we do have is the ability to create the card concepts ourselves! Pop out a few custom cards of your design today!

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

A Voice Through the Nothingness Part 12

I'm sorry this took me so long, life has been crazy and I haven't had the brain space for this. Please remember to comment, it really helps me.

Series Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Contains: This is still a slow burn, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, descriptions of past domestic violence, protective Billy.

4.0K words

Comment if you want to be tagged or follow #a voice through the nothingness.

“The real world is where the monsters are.”― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief.

Hazel flattened her skirt again and nervously chewed her lower lip. The man at the front desk smiled when he saw her and stood up."Hello Ma'am, I'm Gunner, I'm assuming your Hazel?"

She nodded, "I am, you're here late, I thought you guys finished at five thirty?"

He shook his head. "We have people here at night, I'm usually somewhere else but Billy wanted me to wait here to take you to his loft."

She smiled. "That was nice of him, are you too friends?"

"Yes Ma'am." He stood up and gestured toward a set of doors, "When you're done for the night, Billy will buzz me and I'll take you back to your car."

She shook her head as she followed him through the courtyard. "Thank you Gunner but I'm sure I can find my own way back."

He sighed. "Alright, Billy just wants you to be safe."

She smiled. "I know, thank you for getting me here, and please, call me Hazel."

He swiped his card on the elevator and smiled. "Sure Hazel, this will take you right up to Billy's loft. I'll be back to take you to your car when you're ready to go home."

She chuckled. "I see there's no dissuading you. Next time I come, I'll bring you some cookies to say thank you."

"I'd love that Hazel." He walked away and the elevator doors closed. After a short trip, the doors reopened, and Billy's loft greeted Hazel with all its black furniture and exposed concrete walls.

He was in the kitchen fussing over a pot, his suit swapped for henley, a simple pair of jeans and a t-towel thrown over his shoulder. He looked up from the stove with a smile and walked over with his arms open. Hazel wrapped her arms around his body and relaxed his embrace as Billy's warmth surrounded her.

He was so happy to see her. "Did you get up here alright?"

She nodded. "I did, Gunner was a big help."

They parted and She took a deep breath. "Whatever you're cooking smells amazing."

He smiled. "Roast duck breast with polenta and Morell mushrooms and a garden salad, dessert is a surprise. I wanted to go all out like you did but I didn't want to do too much and screw it up."

She grinned. "What are you talking about, that sounds amazing. Do you need any help?"

He shook his head and walked her to the kitchen counter. "It will be done in half an hour. I would have had a drink ready for you but you're early."

He pulled out a chair, and she sat down with a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry, I wanted to be punctual but I went a bit too far."

"It doesn't worry me." He headed to the fridge and pulled out a judge, "Since I know how much you like strawberries I thought we could continue with our fresh juice trend?"

She nodded, "Yes please." He poured the pink liquid into a glass and placed it in from of her, "How's work been?"

"Since I saw you two days ago and talked to you yesterday? Work's been great. Thank you for sending over that modified questionnaire, you didn't have to do it so soon." He figured she did it to keep herself busy, and judging by how tired she looked, she still wasn't getting much sleep.

She shook her head, "It's alright. Was it helpful?"

Billy nodded and returned to the stove, "Hell yeah, we're going to hand them out on Monday. What about you, anything crazy happen yesterday?"

"No, it was an easy day on the ward. I got some good news, though," He raised his eyebrows, "I'm doing so well in the triage course that they think I'll be done a month sooner."

"That's amazing Hazel. I looked into that course, it's very hard to get into." He knew she was far smarter than she led on, he just wondered why she was so reserved about it.

She was grateful he was looking elsewhere because she was sure the shyness would be all over her face. "I just study hard, there's no great skill about it."

He huffed, "You should be proud of yourself, studying hard or not, they don't accept many people."

There was a pause before she responded. "I'll be happy when it's done and I can help more people." He felt a tang in his heart at her tone, he knew it well, she didn't think she was good enough.

He turned enough to meet her eye, "Well I'm proud of you." She smiled at him and he turned back to the pot and with a few more stirs, it was done. "Dinner will be ready in a minute if you want to wash your hands."

She was up and heading towards the sink. "Do you need help setting the table?"

He shook his head, "Nope, take your drink and get comfortable, I'll be there with the food in before you know it." Sure enough, the moment she was settled, he came over with two plates in his hand. He placed one in front of her before sitting in front of his own. "Please, dig in."

The duck skin cracked like glass and the meat cut like butter. She was barely able to hold back the moan as she took a bite, the buttery polenta and the earthy mushrooms complementing the duck perfectly. "This is so good."

He smiled. "Thank you, it's not as good as yours though."

She shook her head. "No, this is great. You're a very good cook, I can't wait to see what you made for…"

BANG

She jumped out of her skin while he barely flinched. "What was that?"

He could see the panic on her face. "It was just a car backfiring, it happens all the time here."

She placed a hand on her chest to slow her racing heart. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overreact."

He reached out and grabbed her hand. "You didn't, don't worry."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, I feel like I've ruined the night."

He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and shook his head. "No, you didn't. I don't blame you for being on edge, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Thank you." She took a deep breath, "Good work on the salad, by the way, it's lovely."

He smiled. "Good, I think if I failed at a salad, I should never be allowed in the kitchen again."

She chuckled. "I would have to agree with you on that one."

He looked over her face, underneath the weight of her worry, there was such affection in her eyes. "I made an apple pie for dessert, I know I said it was a surprise but I can't wait."

Hazel smiled. "I love apple pie."

The night rushed by and he found himself using all his self control not to ask her to stay a little while longer. It's not like she had to take the subway, he could drive her home but she would have insisted and he didn't want her taking the subway late at night.

She leaned against the wall next to the elevator with a slice of pie in a box. "Thank you so much for tonight, it's been so long since someone other than Lizzy has cooked for me."

He smiled, "You're a delight to cook for, I've never had someone complement my food so much."

****

Hazel was surprised at how ready she was as the IT man set up the courtroom feed. Tammy, the head of her department, stood there with a soft smile on her face and placed her hand on Hazel's shoulder. "If you want to go home after this you can, we all understand."

Lizzy nodded. "I'll take you too, we can eat some ice cream and binge watch animal planet."

Hazel shook her head. "No, this man isn't going to take another second away from me. I can do this."

Tammy smiled. "Yes, you can."

Billy, Frank, Karen and Curt arrived soon after in their best attire, Billy didn't even have a hair out of place.

Tammy shot Hazel one last smile. "I'm over in the next room. We're here for you no matter what happens."

She smiled. "Thank you." She sat at the table with everyone next to her and waited for the feed to light up, her heart rate rising with every passing second. Billy's hand landed on hers and rubbed soothingly when her legs started to bob and before she knew it, the courtroom was filling the screen.

She took a deep breath as the board read the proceedings and then it was Hazel's turn to talk. "Theodore Parker once said 'The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.' I stopped believing that a long time ago. Mr Cambell should have been gone to prison than a lot longer than he got but seven to nine and I tried to put him out of my mind, I hoped that he would be a different person when he came out."

She took another deep breath and stilled her shaking hands. "He has not been in prison long enough to change and we all know he hasn't done any programs. We all know why he's coming up for parole, he's turned on someone. I just wished someone stopped to ask me what I wanted, and if the man who tried to kill me should even be given the chance to get out so early."

Billy could hear the rage coming from her voice. "I'm asking you to make the right choice and say no today, I'm asking you to acknowledge that something horrible was done to me and that I deserve justice."

Resolve came over her face as she met eyes with each member. "Please don't let his one self serving deed undo him trying to kill me. Thank you for your time."

She muted the mic and sat back down, and Billy's hand returned to hers. "You did really well."

She shook her head. "You saw the looks on their faces, he's giving them a big fish, they're not going to listen to me."

Karen cast a glance at Frank who nodded. "I have an idea if you're up for it?" She nodded. "There's no way they can legally let him out, I asked Mat. He turned state's evidence to the point to negate such a serious charge he should end up in witsec. If he gets out, do you want me to do some digging? The Bulletin would love a story about something like this."

"Yes, I would. If he gets out, people need to know so he doesn't get away with it." She couldn't think of anything better, being marked as a rat would ruin his life more than any conviction.

"Done." She was comforted by Karen's surety, somehow she knew that Karen would get the real story out there.

The feed lit up soon after and everyone turned their attention back to the screen. "Miss Moreau, we will be deliberating for quite a while. You should go back to work."

She sighed. "Thank you."

The feed went black and she took a deep breath. "I'm going back to work. There's is no point in worrying about what might or might not happen and the ER needs me."

She expected pushback from at least one person but she never got it, and Billy stood up with a smile. "Do you and Lizzy wanna come over and watch the fight with us tonight?"

Lizzy smiled. "Curt already invited me, I said yes."

Hazel smiled. "I would love to come."

Frank grinned. "That settles it then. We'll see you ladies tonight."

****

Hazel felt a weight lift off her chest as she got into Billy's car at the end of her day. "He's not out yet, you don't need to fuss."

He shook his head. "I'm not fussing. You've had a long day, you shouldn't have to take the subway."

She sighed and relaxed into the seat, "Thank you."

He noticed how she chewed on her lip as the ride went on. "Has someone called yet?"

She shook her head. "No, I would have told every…" Right on time, her phone rang. "Speak of the devil and he shall appear, or call as it were."

She put the phone on speaker without thinking and she knew by the DA's sigh what his next words were going to be. "I'm sorry Hazel, he's out. He's not allowed out of his state and he has to wear an electronic bracelet so he won't be coming into New York."

"Why?" She didn't mean to sound so upset.

"He turned on someone." There was a pause and the DA took a breath, "He turned on the AB, the danger he was in and how much he gave was the reason they let him out."

Billy huffed. "The fucking Aryan Brotherhood, just when I thought he couldn't get any worse. We'll all know he wouldn't have info if he wasn't up their asses in the first place."

"You must be Willam." The DA sighed, "I can assure both of you that Mr Cambell will not cause you any trouble and if he does, he will go back inside for breaking a restraining order that was filed on your behalf when he was paroled. If he contacts you in any way, please let us know."

She nodded. "Sure, thanks anyway." She hung up without letting him get in another word.

"You good?" He knew she wasn't but it didn't hurt to ask, he wasn't going to push her.

She shook her head. "I'm upset but if he cuts that bracelet off, I'll have enough warning to do what I need to do.

He smiled softly. "You're really brave, you know that?"

She shrugged, "I don't feel brave right now."

He could hear the shake in her voice. "That makes you even braver." He took one hand off the wheel and linked his fingers with hers, "I'll stay with you until you're ready to come to my place. I want to feed Barry again anyway."

She nodded. "That would be nice, thank you."

****

Billy smiled as Barry munched in the clams. "They're making my tank now, I can't wait until I can put all the plants in. I've had a lot of fun sketching the layout."

Hazel shook her head. "I can't believe you're a fish person."

He tilted his head. "Really, what kind of person do you think I am."

"Cats, I feel like you and a cat would get along great." She paused like she was shaking off more emotions. "I love cats, but I can't fit one in here. I figure I'll get one when I finally get a home of my own."

"You know, I think you might be right." He huffed to himself, "I'm gonna do some research."

"I knew it." She sighed. "Just let me hop in the shower and change into something that I can lounge around in a. and then we'll go. I've got some snacks in the freezer, should I bring them?"

He nodded. "Hell yeah, we always get pizza but I'm not turning down free food, especially if it's yours."

"Ok." She took a deep breath. "Tell me everything is going to be ok."

He closed the gap between them and grabbed her hand. "Everything is going to be fine, I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

****

"These pre shows are so full of bullshit, why do they need to puff their chests out so much."

Hazel sighed. "Because Lizzy, they need to hype up the crowd. It's why they're so mean to each other during press too."

Billy chuckled. "We're about to get a contact with a fighter, you might even see us at the next game."

Lizzy glared at him. "So we're not invited?"

"Don't listen to him, Billy's just being an ass." Frank said it with all the affection in the world.

Billy huffed. "Of course you guys are invited if they give us tickets."

Hazel stretched out and her thigh ended up getting inadvertently pushed against Billy's but he made no room to move away. Curt glanced over briefly from his shared loveseat with Lizzy but didn't say anything, rather, he nodded towards Frank, who slung his arm over Karen's shoulder to pull her close.

It seemed Billy and Hazel enjoyed the contact because Billy mirrored Frank's action and threw his arm over the back of the couch. "Who do you think will win tonight?"

Hazel shrugged. "Montana. Baker is too slow for his hands and he's ground and pound is shit."

"Yeah Bill, I got to agree, Baker isn't going to get far." Hazel appreciated Frank's support.

Billy grumbled. "Montana is a heel, but yeah, he's going to win."

The TV started to flash and the lights in Billy's loft went from dimmed to totally off. "Wow, and I thought to TV coming out of the wall was cool."

Lizzy chuckled. "You are so easy to impress Hazelnut."

"Am not." She took a piece of popcorn and lobbed it at Lizzy's head. "It is cool."

Lizzy shook her head. "Real mature, throwing food in someone else's home."

Billy smiled. "Nah, plenty of popcorn gets thrown around here, you should see Frank when he watches baseball."

Curt huffed. "Can you all shut up. It's starting."

Hazel pressed her lips together to stop herself from smiling. "Sorry Curt."

Everyone turned their attention back to the TV as the fighters came out and after their introductions and the ref shouting the rules, the flight started. It wasn't over as quick as everyone thought it would be and as it went on, Hazel drew closer to Billy until they were cuddling while fists hit faces.

Hazel tapped Billy's chest excitedly as the fight neared its third round. "Wow, it looks like Baker might win."

Billy fought the urge to peck her temple. "I think you might be right."

Sure enough, just as the fight entered its third round, Baker scored a knockout and the crowd went wild. "Good for him, you can tell he worked hard to get there."

Billy always admired how Hazel always acknowledged someone's hard work. "We'll see who he fights next, after this it's anyone's guess."

Frank sighed a slapped his legs. "Well ladies and gents, it's pretty late so Karen and I are going to head home."

Lizzy rolled her shoulders with a groan, "I should do the same." She turned to Curt. "You wanna come with and stay the night?"

Curt smiled. "You bet I do."

An awkward silence filled the space as everyone started to get ready to go and Billy took a deep breath before addressing Hazel. "Maybe you should stay the night, with everything that happened today and all. I have a guest room."

"Yeah, alright." Billy was shocked she didn't give him more pushback. "It will be good to know someone is just around the corner."

He smiled. "I'll show you where you gotta go."

No one said anything as everyone said their goodbyes but Lizzy made sure to thank Billy for his kindness as he wished her well at the door.

****

Hazel settled into bed wearing one of Billy's old PT shirts that he had so kindly lent to her. She looked around the guest room, it was almost as big as her whole apartment and it wasn't lost on her how much safer she felt as she rested back on the pillows. 

Knock knock

"Come in."

He popped his head through the door and walked a few steps into the room. "I'm right next door so wake me up if you need anything." 

She nodded. "Thank you Billy." 

"You think you'll be able to get any sleep?" He knew the answer already. 

She sighed. "I'm not sure but this mattress is very comfortable so we'll see."

His fingers itched to get closer. "I hope you get some rest but like I said, if you can't I'm right next door." 

She smiled. "Thanks Billy. Goodnight, sleep well." 

"Goodnight Hazel." 

****

It was strange, Hazel was wide awake but all she wanted to do was fall into the sleep that was scratching at her brain. There was no dripping tap, no fights outside her window, just a soft, soothing sound of the wind rustling the trees in the courtyard outside her window.

There was no light coming from under her door, no matter how hard she strained her eyes, she couldn't see anything which didn't help because she had no reason to go and see if Billy was still awake so she could have company in her insomnia.

She flipped over again and huffed, she didn't know how she could be so tired and so awake at the same time, and then she heard it, a soft whimper coming under her door. She listened and it came again and before she could stop herself, she was out of bed and rushing towards Billy's room.

She pushed open the door softly and peered in as the nightlight in the hall flicked on and drifted into Billy's room. He was fast asleep but his face was fixed into a grimace.

Hazel waited there watching him, unsure if she should wake him but he let out something that sounded more like a scream and she made her choice. She walked over to him, sat at the end of the bed and placed a hand on his calf before saying his name softly until his eyes shot open and his chest heaved.

"Billy, you're alright, you were having a nightmare." His eyes locked on her and he relaxed. "You're ok."

"Thank you. I'm sorry if I woke you." He sounded so regretful.

She shook her head, "No, I couldn't sleep anyway."

"Shit, I'm sorry. You wanna come and sit with me for a bit?" He knew he shouldn't be asking but he couldn't help himself.

"Alright, I think we could both use it." She climbed into bed next to him and pulled the covers over her legs, "What were you dreaming about?"

He swallowed. "Getting hurt. It wasn't a bomb this time. I swear sometimes the dreams are worse than the real thing."

She reached out and placed her hand on top of his. "You wanna tell me more about it?"

He blinked and stared into space for a moment before responding. "I can't remember it. It was there one minute and now it's gone." He sighed, "Dr C said that was normal."

She nodded, "Yeah, it is."

"My face hurts." He hadn't meant to say it but she responded anyway and he felt her hand brush the scar on his cheek.

"It's just phantom pain." The warmth of her hand chased away the strings of agony and he felt his eyes grow heavy.

"Thank you." His tired brain couldn't fight the urge to nuzzle into her palm and she smiled as the tension left his body.

She took a deep breath as a wave of exhaustion hit her. "We're both really tired, how about I spend the rest of the night here?"

He forced his eyes open and looked over her face in the barely there light from the hallway, there was no hesitation on her face. "Ok."

He got up and closed the door before hopping back in bed and fluffing the pillow behind her. "Thank you."

He smiled. "It's alright. Are you sure about this?"

She nodded. "Positive. The way I see it, we're friends and we're close, this doesn't have to mean anything more than that unless we want it to."

"Yeah, yeah I think that sounds about right." She went down first, lying on her side facing him as he did the same. "Is this alright?"

She reached out and took his hand. "This is great. Goodnight, again."

He chuckled softly as sleep came over him. "Goodnight again Hazel."

Part 13

[alegator]

hiii everyone :D i miss tumblr so bad and the ability to make long form blog posts ugh twitter is not the same plus the site and app are literally so shit. even though the tumblr app is not much better sometimes!! ive decided i want to post more on here to continue my little virtual diary…. I love the tagging system and most of all, love being able to look back and read my own updates!!! it’s crazy how it can help me recall the exact feeling of that moment… it feels special :) Twitter is great for quick fleeting thoughts so i wanna make lengthy life posts on here as a little time capsule, so i can have fun looking back and reading all my posts 10 years from now (if this site still exists. but i joined in 2011 and its still here so who knows). plus ive been posting my entire life on here for YEARS so who cares i will be vulnerable and over share and shit!!!!!! as is tumblr tradition… fuck it if youre my cousin on my homestuck side you can have my SSN.

moving on, here are fun life updates:

- celebrated my 11th anniversary on Feb 14th with the love of my life, Tenma!!!! i have been affectionately calling it the 7/11 anniversary since it’s been 11 years together, but also 7 years married 🤯 it actually fucks me up so bad that 2017 was 7 years ago like. genuinely lol FUCKKK HOOWWW 2017 should’ve been like 3 years ago. we choose to get married on the same day Tenma asked me out, which is also Valentine’s Day, and it was the best decision of all time for SO many reasons. maybe i will make a fun big post detailing those thoughts that another time!! we spent our anniversary day trying out a new coffee spot (so cute and SO pink omg), taking photo booth pictures at a new spot, exploring cute shops, and having an insanely delicious set menu i think maybe 6 courses? at a very fancy restaurant. i think 3 years ago we tried a new restaurant on our anniversary w their set Valentine’s Day menu course and it was so good, fun, and the best way to try out new foods so we’ve kept it going and i LOVE IT!!!!! i am already excited to see what tenma picks out for next year lol. finished the night by watching In The Mood For Love at our favorite local movie theater and i LOVED the movie, the whole end until bedtime we were just talking about it and dissecting it together. i love our life!!!!!!!!!

-tenma and i went to disneyland at the end of February for our anniversary trip!! ive gone before but they haven’t. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUN i am not a Disney fan at all but i love disneyland idk it’s just fun as fuck… um my feet were fucked afterwards lol but so worth it. one day at disneyland and the next at California aventure i wanna go back already but most importantly, tenma was already talking about wanting to go back and that makes me so happy bc it means they really enjoyed it!!! yay!!!! they even went on rides they thought were really scary just so we could try them together just once and that filled my heart with joy. then we also got to meet my online friend and had hotpot together. DELICIOUS i want to go back and explore LA next time and see more friends!!!! we are maybe planning a trip to San Fran in a few months though as the consulate is there to get my passport so that will take priority over any other trips☝🏼

-I GOT MY GREENCARD YEAGHHRHRHFJF!!!!!!!! ok actually i got it last year lol i wasn’t sure if i should put that on here but actually im so happy so fuck it!!! and then we celebrated by having a fancy dinner and I shared the news w the waiter who said he also did the same process w his wife! and yes i cried when i got my greencard idc i am HAPPY! crazy bc i got DACA for the first time in 2013 and then in 2023 i got my greencard… it’s been a fucking rollercoaster. and tenmas been there literally every step of the way…. Tenma is my rock I love them so much im crying typing this bc of how much i love them and how much they always support me and augnfngnfmg

-concerts this year have been Sonic symphony, kikuo/bo en/gus, Hannah Diamond, and hatsune miku (mikuexpo 2024)!!!!!!!! i loved all of the concerts genuinely so fun and next month i am taking my youngest sibling to a concert of a guy I don’t know but they love him so we will go and have a blast 🫡 idk if I’ll buy more tickets to more concerts but even if I don’t, it’s been a really really good year concert wise and i got to experience so many fun shows i never thought i would see live before!!

-spent time with lovely friends and celebrated old friendships and new ones yaaaay i love my friends and im blessed to have a good support system and I can’t wait to see what new friends I make in the future….

-I have a cold rn and took nighttime meds and unfortunately they are starting to hit so it’s time to say goodnight to tumblr…

If you read this far ummm ok weirdo… lol just kidding but i will try and post my lil life updates and pics more often so that not all my posts are like. months worth of writing… or maybe I won’t and the next time I make a post will be in a year idk!!!! this site is full of so many memories both good and bad and it’s dear to my lil heart, even if the feel isn’t the same since everyone mass migrated to Twitter, I want to come back here more often and make new memories whenever I can. goodnight 💤

[caluski]

happy 1 year anniversary to one of the best summer albums out there that ive ever known. thank you temples for creating exotico

to properly celebrate such a joyful occasion, i have decided to rank songs of the album from my least to most favorite with a tiny bit of absolutely useless commentary. lets get to it

16. Meet Your Maker.

i dont get this song. sorry!!! no fucking idea where they were going with the instrumental... its super strange. the ONLY skip on the album for me.

15. Giallo

it's okay honestly. well its fine, but nothing more than that for me. I dont exactly dislike it, chorus is just kind of strange. but in general it's not bad! just not something i feel anything in particular for.

14. Time is a Light

they tried something else with this one, but i am not sure w h a t were they going for exactly. chorus feels like an echo of gamma rays, but the rest is... well. but i do really like gamma rays so its not that bad. feels a little too long tho. what's up with the last minute feeling so... um, can this be over already?

13. Oval Stones

we're getting to the good ones!!!!! oval stones is really pleasant. i like how chill it is compared to most of the album.

12. Slow Days

again the chill one. actually i find it weird that its not the closer of the album. it would be a perfect closer! listening to it really slows you down (not in a bad way) so its strange to have oval stones + slow days followed by crystal hall. im not crazy about albums doing that, kind of throwing you off the rhythm... my perfect album order would be sorted in the way that wakes you up, and then calms you down by the end.

11. Head in the Clouds

okay, i do understand why it's after crystal hall - obvious interpolation going on there, down to the very same lyrics ("can you feel it coming down?") and i do LOVE preludes, interludes, whatever, transition tracks in albums, that is GREAT. but my issue is once again with the slow, slow, fast, slow pace again. if not slow days, i think that would also be the perfect closer.

10. Inner Space

i don't really have anything to say about this one. its good! i like it a lot! but for some reason, despite being like, in a bit of a calmer tempo, it makes me a little bit anxious. not in a bad way exactly, its just a good song for when im troubled about something.

9. Movements of Time

THIS SHOULDVE BEEN THE OPENING TRACK!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!! its literally the PERFECT opening track for this album. its SETS UP the mood. HOW IS IT A CLOSER???? and i love the ... organ sound that they have going on in this one?? its really cool.

8. Crystal Hall

oh ohhhhh this is where it starts getting really hard to rank them.... Crystal hall is really good but also really short!!! why is it so short? under 3 minutes???

7. Gamma Rays

yeah i understand why this is the most popular. i mean i dont think its the best, but yeahhhhh.... its so good. literally perfect for "soaking up the rays"!!!!

6. Cicada

a big fan of so much reverb in this one. it especially makes the album so... summer specific, reverb is so summery! maybe because of how it makes everything sound like a song played on an open air music festival.

5. Liquid Air

if it couldn't be movements of time, i understand why liquid air made it as the opener. theres the anxious vibe going on again - which i do really like, in general im enjoying the theme of this album although im not really the lyrics kind of guy. and this one, its strange because its almost 6 minutes long, but it doesnt feel too long. or repetitive.

4. Fading Actor

ouuughhhhh this one is one of my absolute faves. it actually grew on me SO much, because at first i didnt pay any attention to it. but once i got it, it hit me sooooo hard, it remained on repeat for like MONTHS after summer ended.

3/2. Exotico + Sultry Air

i cannot i CANNOT judge them separately. in my heart they come together as one. and yet, they are two different tracks, which makes me love them even more. im really obsessed with the way it is composed, just absolutely amazing. the BRIDGE is especially the reason why i adore it so much. its SO good. and then theres sultry air!!!!! its the PERFECT postlude, like literally i think my favorite postlude in any album ever. like end credits to a movie. no notes!!!!!!

1. Afterlife

yeahhhhhhhhhh the only reason i even gave the album i listen in the first place. love at first sight!!!!!!!!! absolutely stunning. love the tension building up followed by the amazing bass... and okay i do have issues with the order of this album, but i do get why they put it by the end - its a truly perfect payoff even for the weaker parts of the album. best listened to on full volume... once had the joy of listening to it on a real good quality professional speaker set and my god. its like its MEANT to be blasted from the roof of a building. god i hate the fact that its produced by sean ono lennon. it had no right to be this fucking good.

[unhitches-similes]

20 Questions for Fanfic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13 (current penname)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

122,174 (current penname)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Under my current penname: Marvel/MCU, Stargate SG-1 & Atlantis, and Miraculous Ladybug--but I have ideas for fics in other fandoms!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Eidetic Image (T) Marvel

The Stand-In (G) Marvel - Stony

How to Avoid Thinking (E) Marvel - IronHawk

You Wanna Go (on a Date with Me)?! (T) Marvel - Stony

Change is All (T) - SG-1

5. Do you respond to comments? Why? Why not?

Yes, absolutely. That said, it can occasionally take me months to do so, especially on my older works, because I leave them in my inbox and hoard them like a dragon because they make me so happy.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I really should write more angst, tbh... that said, the only fic I currently have that can really be called angsty and ends without a happy ending is Worse Than Myth.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I would say Eidetic Image has a happy ending, if you don't count the teaser/cliffhanger that is the epilogue. Otherwise probably Change is All?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've been writing fanfiction in some form for 20+ years and posting for nearly as long, so I've definitely gotten a few hate comments over the years, but nothing on any of my recent stuff. In part because I'm not that known, probably.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, and it really depends on the muse.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't really write any crazy crossovers, although technically, most of my Marvel fics are a fusion of various Marvel sources (MCU, 616, etc.) and I've also got a crossover between SG-1 and Atlantis, but they're really the same fandom families and don't really count as real crossovers, imo.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge and it's my hope that I never do.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had several translated under my previous penname, but none of my recent stuff; I've divorced myself from the fandom in question.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Under a previous penname, yes.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Asking a shipper's favorite ship is cruel and unusual, but it's probably almost definitely IronHawk or Stuckony. Also Spirk. I also really love the Lovesquare in all its permutations.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't have an WIPs currently being posted for this very reason. So many ideas. With my motivation and butterfly brain, I'll never finish them all.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm pretty great with dialogue and emotive scenes, I think? I'm not sure--please let me know!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Not actually writing even though I really want to. I also struggle with action scenes, but everyone says they always come out fine, so I'm not sure.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Oh. Oh, this is a bad question to ask me.

Listen, if the readers are supposed to understand what's being said, then freaking write it in the same language as the rest of fic and italicize to indicate it's in a different language. If I have to go hunting for a goddamn translation, or scroll back and forth to the mf-ing notes, when I'm supposed to know what's being said, odds are very high that I'm going to simply stop reading a fic. It's bad writing. Yes, I said it. It's bad writing--it's your job as a writer to make sure a reader can understand what they need to without making them jump through hoops. If your "aesthetic" matters more to you than making your narrative readily accessible to your readers, you need to rethink having another language being spoken. That said, if readers aren't supposed to understand what is said (or it's obvious/doesn't matter in the case of, like, spells or something), or you work the translation into the story right away, I'm all for it. Those are the only times I find it acceptable to actually have another language that's spoken written in a language different from the rest of the narrative.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Cats (the 1998 video, not that 2019 monstrosity)

20. Favorite fics you’ve written?

I'm really rather proud of Eidetic Image despite its numerous and varied flaws, as well as The Seeds of Great Enterprises. I also really had a lot of fun writing my Miraculous BFF-swap story Crushes and Antics.

Thank you so much for tagging me, @hamsteriffic! <3 I think I shall give a poke to... ahhhhh--anyone who sees this and might wanna do it as well! I lack the temerity to ask anyone apart from Hamster or Waffle lol

[hrkrkrwpfrbrbrlablblblblwhitooap]

"i don't see the appeal of his videos anymore" is a crazy take in my opinion for several reasons:

1. bro literally just admitted pretty recently that, yeah, things you might not know has more or less run it's course, so naturally this last year of weekly videos are gonna be different, for want of a better word

2. not quite understanding how it's an issue that he has an excuse to travel. anyone would want that excuse. i want that excuse

3. it makes complete sense for tom to hire a crew for videos as opposed to matt being behind the camera because, like, matt has a job separate from youtube? yeah matt being there was cool, but i really don't see the difference in videos from 2018 in regards to now

4. the most recent tom scott plus video was filmed in november, so for all we know they could've started filming very recently. or have plans to, now that his australia + new zealand run is done. i can imagine that doing several possibly anxiety inducing things on a somewhat consistent basis for over a year would warrant a decent break!

5. i definitely think tom should broaden his scopes in terms of where he does videos, but like you said hrk blog, it probably just boils down to language barrier issues, and certain filming-in-public laws

6. are we watching the same tom scott? he hit 5 million subscribers in december or january, if i remember correctly, (i could be completely wrong, i dunno, i apologize) and he's very close to hitting 6 million. i suspect it sometime this month or next month. point being, his videos are still, very clearly, appealing, if people are still frequently subscribing

7. techdif's filmed stuff recently, by the way, gary literally mentioned it on twitter and how one of the videos includes "one of the best techdif moments" or something along those lines. so if people are concerned about content droughts, that stuff is likely being edited right now!

point being, as someone who's been hyperfixated on the guy since november, his videos are still appealing. at least to me. i do personally still prefer the 10+ minute ones, as i agree, he seems more passionate, but unfortunately, that isn't his job. his job is to make videos about cool things around the world, whether it be something he finds super interesting or not. i just don't think it's entirely fair to dunk on the guy who's been providing weekly content for almost 10 years for a series that he has admitted himself has run its course and is due to become an irregular series

I mean, it's a matter of personal taste, isn't it? What you find appealing about his videos or content may not be doing it for everyone - especially considering that you said you've been hyperfixated; obviously that's going to color your take a little bit, yeah?

I'm not trying to "dunk" on Tom, merely agreeing that those are some valid criticisms you could make of the guy, and that it seems a little bit ridiculous to claim the series has run its course when there's still three whole continents he's barely touched and the channel is finally getting to the point where it could fund the resources necessary to make trips to those continents more feasible.

No one is worried about a content drought, it's just very unlike Tom to take a break as long as the one he's taking with the plus channel. He usually only takes January off, but we're now all the way to March and it's still not back, and no updates from him on why either. And knowing Tom, I'm sure he'd snap back with something weirdly hostile if anyone asked too...

[totally-not-deacon]

7, 13, 18, 26 and E & J for Marasa!

Hey hey hey! Here you are!

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

A good, perfectly marinated mammoth steak. She swears her mother cooked THE BEST timber mammoth ever, and though the Skyrim mammoths aren't exactly the same, it still makes her feel at home. It's a nice feeling, if a little bittersweet.

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

She likes her warm tones, especially reddish-brown and orange, and that as well as yellow are definitely *her* colors. She likes how they compliment her hair, even if they're not the best camouflage.

18. What embarrasses them?

Accidentally being too genuine. It's not that she *never* is, but she wants it on her terms and only with people she truly trusts. Unfortunately for her, she's very good at putting her foot in her mouth and/or letting her mouth run on its own. To make herself feel better, she usually ends up having a few too many and starting a good bar fight.

26.  What is their preferred mode of transportation? 

As much as she likes to gripe about it, walking for sure. She doesn't mind horseback, and it's good for long distances, but there's nothing quite like having your feet on the ground. If flying were an option, that'd be a HARD no. Her fear of heights maaay make her a bad Bosmer, but it's not her fault she didn't grow up in a graht-oak.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

She'd probably wear me out with her "GO GO GO" attitude, but I think she'd still be a blast to hang with. I hope she'd like me too! I'd let her drag me into trouble.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Here and there, but nothing *too* crazy. The most prominent being she wasn't at Helgen during the dragon attack, but she'd been a sellsword in the province for the last 6-ish months. She rolled in to turn in a bounty, only to find the town destroyed. And still the poor gal still gets dragged into that mess, just her luck.

OC Ask Game

[popitdontdropitwrites]

"New Invention" Engineer/Medic - Chapter 11

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,

❗ This is a sequel to Mx. Sinister. Events may not make sense if you have not read that fic.

CW: This one is a dark one. It touches upon potentially triggering and upsetting topics. (Gaslighting, past medical trauma, manipulation, emotional pain so on so forth.) Tread carefully, or avoid reading if you have to.

“Sit down, Joseph.” Dell said, his fingers impatiently tapping against the table, betraying the patient, worried expression on his face. “There’s a little somethin’ we’ve got to talk about.” He let out a long, tired sigh. “…I think you know what it is.”

“I have a feeling, yes.”

Joseph, by all accounts, had slept wonderfully, but now that he was awake, he longed to fall into the world of dreams, where nothing could harm him, not even this. His legs resisted every step, demanding that he stop and turn around before it was too late, but despite it all, he made it to the table. He stood uncomfortably behind his seat with his hands resting on the backrest, looking towards his partner, begging for an end to this oppressive, dreadful quiet between them. Silver eyes, once dull with endless kindness, had been set alight with a dangerous, volatile gleam, further stressed by the heavy bags under his eyes, as if he had not slept at all.

It had been made more than clear; Joseph would be the one doing the talking, the justifying, the repenting. “This is about Misha, isn’t it?” How long had he spent with that name on the very tip of his tongue, on the very precipice of being spoken? It flowed out oh so naturally now, as if he had uttered it hundreds of times before and would soon be spoken thousands more.

Dell continued to stare, the shapes and colours of his pupils becoming too much to bear, as if they were closing in on him, entrapping him in chains. “This is all about him.”

“I thought you would have been happy for me. You must have known that my memory was – and still is – affected… does it really bring you no joy to see me coming back to my former self?”

“Not when you’re thinkin’ about another man.” The tapping stopped, and its absence was almost as hurtful as the Texan’s growl. “You’ve been drawin’ him all night and day, fawnin’ over him like you’re sweet on him… and you say you don’t understand why I’m losin’ my temper?”

“He’s merely my friend! I am allowed to have that, aren’t I?” He snapped back. “But then again, I suppose not, seeing as you didn’t even think to remind me that Misha existed.”

“It was better that way ‘cause I didn’t have to stay awake at night worryin’ that he’d take you from me.”

“Dell, please, it’s not like that and you know it.”

“You think I’m crazy, do ya?” The Engineer’s grip on the table tightened, drawing a pained groan from the wood. “You’d run off with him in a heartbeat, I can see it in your eyes.”

“I love you too much to throw it all away with someone else!” He pleaded, the accusation hitting him under the skin, deep into a nerve like the head of a well-aimed arrow.

“Then just forget about him. He doesn’t deserve you.” Dell stood up tall, meeting his level, his posture tense with almost animalistic rage, as if he could lunge at any moment.

Joseph doubled down, despite his every instinct begging him to simply submit. “I… I haven’t seen him in months, Dell. I can’t hurt him like that any longer.”

“Oh, ain’t that cute, you don’t wanna hurt him. Let me tell you a secret, darlin’, he hurt you.”

His heart fell into his guts, kicking and screaming on the way down. “I know him. He could never do so much as lay a finger on me. You can’t say the same.”

“You don’t wanna go there, boy. Don’t you dare make this about me.” He warned him through both gravelly tone and austere expression that such a terrible assault would not go unreciprocated.

“Or what, Dell, you’ll pump me so full of drugs that I can’t sleep? Or maybe you’ll rip both of my arms off this time?”

A crackling, crunching sound erupted from the gunslinger as it crushed the corner of the table, the shards passing through its robotic fingers like dust. Dell did not seem to notice, not even when a flighty gasp escaped Joseph’s lips. “Everythin’ I’ve done was for your own good!”

“Tell me how the totally unethical and lest I forget, completely unmedicated amputation was for my own benefit? There were so many risks and potential complications, but you did it anyway, without training, without anything at all but your own ego to guide you.”

“I was fixin’ you!”

“I am not one of your fucking machines! I am a human being; I don’t need to be fixed.”

“Joseph, you’re not hearin’ me. He was the one to break ya in the first place.”

“I’m not going to allow you to fill my head with lies again. I—I am not turning against the man who has done nothing but help me!”

“I don’t care what you think you remember, but let me tell ya, you’re wrong about him.”

He swallowed thickly, his throat closing up. “There is a lot still missing, but I remember Misha completely – his laughter, his smile, his voice, it’s all there. Not once did he harm me in all of our years together.”

“Darlin’, it’s not me who’s lyin’, it’s that pretty little head of yours.” He said. “You don’t remember, do ya?”

“Remember what, exactly?”

His gaze lost its firmness in favour of an inexplicable sentimentality, but the latter was far more frightening due to the pity hidden in his glistening sclera. “That damned hospital.”

He blinked, once, twice, static undulating behind his eyes, cold, dry, and hypnotically dull like the depths of space. Faintly, from a distant star, he recalled the pricks of needles, the fizz of dissolving, bubbling powder on his tongue, the metallic taste of tools, all of which promised an end to his pain.

“You kicked, screamed and begged, but it didn’t matter. Misha dragged you right to ‘em, right where he wanted you; in a cage, like some kind of fuckin’ animal.”

Joseph weakly stumbled back, his body colliding with the wall, slowly shrinking towards the ground, unable to fight back against remembrance’s onslaught of voices, yellowed and faded with age, bouncing between his ears, distorted, and muffled, as if he were drowning. Faceless men asked him the same old questions, designed to probe, and poke at his fracturing, splitting mind, to name the monster running rampant in his head in hopes of someday leashing it, or perhaps, killing it altogether.

“He told ya that you were sick in the head. He couldn’t see that you’re different, just… curious.”

Tears welled in his eyes, threatening to spill as a beautiful, vivid sound pierced the low rumble of men, the hum of machines and the wails of patients through the mazelike, spiralling halls. Drip, drip, drip – seductively thick, ruby droplets, the very essence of life carved from the flesh, the only beauty in that hell of soothing greens. And oh, the feeling of them falling against his tongue, so delicious and so flavourful compared to the gruel they served him. 

“He tried to kill ya then, usin’ the hands of doctors and nurses to shove drugs down your throat until you lost everythin’ that made you brilliant.” 

It all came back to him in blinding, brilliant colours, as if the sun were exploding before his eyes, causing the first of many tears to fall on his lip. The taste was tangy like that of the gloved digits pressed against the sensitive tissue of his throat, forcing his burning muscles to swallow down his new pernicious regimen of medicine, hoping to remedy the previous’ meagre results.

“And the worst part? He never visited. You’d cry for him every damned night, thinkin’ your tears could bring him back, but he was always too afraid of what he’d see.”

He sobbed loudly and uglily, with only the coarse kiss of fabric to stifle his screams and hungrily drink his tears; an inadequate substitute for the comfort of another’s shoulder, but the only option in that cold, lonely eternity. The sound and sensation of breath passed through him, rattling and stuttering, as if he were dying, but the sun rose as it always did, beaming from behind the curtains, mocking him from afar, for it had the moon to keep it company.

“They kept you there for years, toiling away in one of their partner’s factories as cheap, disposable labour under the pretence of rehabilitation. The money was just a number, slowly risin’ by the hour. You were just interested in passin’ the time like everybody else.”

Eyes, grey and unrelenting like the metal components he assembled into meaningless shapes bore down upon him, judging his pitiful, grief-stricken form. Joseph worked without complaint, his hands blistered, reddened and clammy from the suffocating skin of his gloves, passing finished parts along to the next man in line. The occasional defective component arose from the man before, who was perhaps too tired, or too delusional to recognise his mistake and though most discarded them, Joseph instead filled his pockets with them – New toys, made of jagged edges and sharp malformations, engraved with stimulatingly rough lettering: Conagher Robotics.

“Somehow, after who knows how darn long, you passed their assessments and met their criteria, all of which had seemed impossible once. They deemed you of sound mind – whatever that meant and sent you on your way.”

He collapsed entirely, just as he had done at Misha’s feet on that day, wailing and fighting to breathe through the bittersweet agony. He was lifted into the car and delivered into a carriage of novel sounds – the crunch of gravel under wheels, the distorted songs of the radio, the purr of an engine and the long-forgotten voice of his best friend. The fantastical colours of the world that had gone on without him failed to seem real in that moment, as if it had all been a dream and he would soon wake up in his cot in a pool of his own tears.

“Misha took ya home, looked after you even, and made sure you weren’t gonna start hurtin’ nobody. And then… you slowly picked yourself back up. You found yourself a job, a proper place to live, and ways around that mind of yours, all the while forgettin’ who had sent you to hell in the first place.”

Dell’s hand wiped his tears, a cruel mockery of the happiness he had shed when he was given the power to forge a pleasant, reinvigorating routine with his own two hands. He worked as a nurse – something he did with a smile – occasionally visited his doctor for a progress report, saw Misha each and every week – the highlight of it all – and slept soundlessly, with dreams of love fluttering about his exhausted mind. But there was something… someone more, cut out of the picture, unable to fit.

“It didn’t last, ‘cause nothin’ ever goes right for you, does it?”

His breath hitched, stifling a scream, the same scream that had been bubbling in his throat when shadows scuttled in the dark of his apartment, breathing down his neck with his belongings in their claws. With them, came the stifling presence of malaise in the place he called home, like a poison leaking from the mind, birthing paranoia, and delusion – madness itself.

“You got sick,” He spat the word out, repulsed by it. “And you tried desperately to hide it, knowin’ it’d only cause you trouble. But Misha found out and it was different this time around. He was angry, angrier than you’ve ever seen him.”

“Stop it, please, Dell, stop. I can’t—”

“—One day, you both drove right past the hospital. He didn’t think to tell you why.” His pleas fell on deaf ears, becoming nothing but noise to be talked over. “He stopped the car and told ya to get out. You walked for a little while, into the fields and it got real quiet all of a sudden. There was somethin’ about his eyes, that just screamed at you to run… but you weren’t fast enough.”

Images, broken, muddled, blurred, and bloodied crossed his mind far too quickly to be caught, like fireflies in a storm. Screams, dissected and rearranged, split across his temples, in tones shrill enough to be his own. The taste of copper melded with that of the dirt, and of primal, unimaginable fear – the fear of death. The moon hung above him, its face twisted and bloated into a smile in his withering, shrivelling memory, reflected in the eyes of the man pursuing him.

“And then, he ripped you apart, like a broken toy.”

His heart wailed in his chest, the metal remembering the violent, lamentable end of its predecessor as it too, was torn apart, this time by betrayal’s powerful, merciless hands. He had been a glorious fountain of life, gushing blood and living tissue until he had nothing more to give, but in this moment, he transformed into a hideous outpour of death, wailing, screaming, gasping to breathe. The pain, too unfathomably tremendous to comprehend then, was somehow equally as devastating now. He begged to be returned to the world below, his fists pounding against the tiles again and again until warm, reassuring blood ran over his skin.

“Why—” He rasped, shaking hands clawing at the ground to find purchase. “Why did you bring me back?” He choked, a fresh flood of tears spilling from him, like gushes of blood from an open wound.

“Because you deserve to be here, safe from him.” Dell crouched down to him, holding both of his hands, his warmth as oppressive as it was comforting.

“I… I don’t want to live without him.” Somehow, through the hiccupping, choking, and gasping, the words made it, scarred, and dismembered, but still comprehendible. “What r-reason do I have if he wants me dead?”

He was held tighter and Dell’s tone, once rough and cold, melted into total and utter love, like the stinging, yet kind touch of healing. “You have me, Joseph. I love you, and I always will.”

That phrase, rich with meaning, turned to dust upon leaving the Texan’s lips. “I-I just want him, even—” He bared his teeth, tasting salt on his tongue. “Even after everything he has done. I… I must truly be mad.” He laughed pathetically, the sound a wet, bubbling gurgle. “But I can’t have him, can I? I may as well just ask for death!” He cackled, emptying his lungs until he heaved. “Would you be so kind?”

The Engineer stopped in place, the loving strokes of his fingers ceasing as he processed that enormous, unthinkable request. His lashes fluttered, the paleness of horror spreading across his face, like a curtain of clouds parting to reveal the alabaster surface of the moon, only its smile had long since died. “Oh, darlin’…” He breathed, pulling him in for a hug, granting him the shoulder he had been so desperate for. “I don’t want you to suffer anymore, but that… that ain’t the way to do it.” His voice cracked, as if he too, had begun to weep. “I can take the pain away, all I need is for you to ask.”

“Help me, Dell. Please…”

A hiss sounded from the cables in his neck, and slowing, slowing, like wax cooling as it ran down the side of a candle, his consciousness faded, a mere whisper in the wind to be carried away. Dell lifted him into his arms, planting a shaky kiss on his forehead, promising him an end to his pain at last; one final procedure.

[soopscoop]

life adventures log 6

january 7, 2024

you could’ve sworn you made one of these a few months ago. not the prior one but a secret, lost log, erased from the naked eye and hidden between the pixels and code of the tumblr universe. its gone. or you’re crazy. you don’t even remember what was in the post lol, but you know for sure that you were up at 3AM cooking up something great.

its the new year! lots of things have happened since the last log. firstly, school was a delight. it was so refreshing to be in classes you actually had interest in. hopefully you’ll bring the same energy to the next semester. you’re finding more friends in the major and growing more in what you want to do. more on your future job later.

you feel as if your circle of friends has grown smaller and larger all the same. its like you’ve made more friends, but the number of close, talk-and-text-a-lot-to group feels like its getting smaller. maybe. or maybe you feel like there are more people that you’re friends with that you wish to talk and text a lot to now. options are growing!

the winter break has most definitely been an eventful one. you’ve had family over for the entirety of it, making it your main priority, without much time for anyone or anything else. although you’ve enjoyed your time back at home, you will not be mad that you’re headed back to school. your introverted bones ache for solitude, although you’re sure you won’t feel this way for long. give it like two weeks lol.

you gained a lot of weight over the break…. like damn girl!!!! you’ve set a goal for yourself. its a far off and a long term goal, but you hope one day you can do a pull up! this is a secondary goal, second to the one of losing however many pounds. fifty for sure. this year is to get to the 100s. embarrassing! the gym at your apartment complex is closed for renovations, but there are plenty of options. this year is for growth and discovery.

speaking of this year, you are turning TWENTY. in the past you’ve been wary of the number. however, now you’ve found a newfound spark and hope. this year is going to be great. this year you’ll pursue (hopefully) all the things that you’ve wanted to. you’re hoping to start the webcomic! you’re gonna get a job finally and get money (currently dead ass broke). you’re gonna love your school and love your friends and maybe even love someone? crazy! the future is bright! your twenties have never looked better! you’re gonna be rich and successful just like you always wanted. here’s to the next decade, darling!

back to your future job: the future is definitely moving closer to you very quickly. there’s plenty that you are excited for in this upcoming decade, but the whole career scene is filled with doubts and uncertainties. you still aren’t 100% sure that speech therapy is what you want to do, but at least the percentage is larger than it was with nursing. during your classes last semester you started formulating a plan. well, not a plan per se, but a more solid idea of what you want to be. in this field, the dream is to work with trans patients. my niece is to help them in their transition, mainly with voice and the surgery for their optimal voice. like isn’t that so cool. amazing even. working with kids was the initial plan, but this feels so much cooler. you’re currently not sure how to get there, but this year you’ll start finding ways how!

back to the whole losing weight thing: you’ve challenged mom and your sister to losing one pound every two weeks. you recently (re)watched that one CGPgrey video about maximizing misery and in the video he mentions that making shorter, more easily obtainable goals is better for encouragement and feeling like you’re achieving more rather than a long term goal. something like that. keep up with this, okay?

closing thoughts: you got this babes. live your best life. there is a good life ahead of you and you know it. keep up the good work!

songs:

tulips - stranger club

paler, still paler - bo en

with high hopes and regards,

past you

[littlejammything]

Me rambling about diet and exercise :p

Trying to transition myself into a state of mind of making sure my body is well taken care of has been challenging.

I have been dealing with body dysmorphia and a very restrictive eating disorder for sooo long...

I'm 25, 26 in just another 7 months... and I'm sick of driving myself crazy over my body and food!

So, instead of not eating, I'm trying to make sure the things I do eat are natural, healthy, and filling.

Making sure I'm more satiated by adding instead of subtracting. Adding fruit where I can, any veggies where I can. I need the nutrients and instead of binging on processed foods it keeps me fuller and I know I got some fruits and veggies in my system for the day. Not only is that good on its own but it's a lot easier for my body to digest and I don't get so bloated.

Getting exercise almost everyday, although I'm not in the gym at the moment. I'm just doing at home body weight basics like push ups, squats, leg raises for the core, etc. and at least a mile on the treadmill, running and walking. Today I did 2 miles.

I just want my body to feel healthy and capable. Not feeling dizzy, nauseous, having poor focus because I'm starving myself.

Oh yeah, and drinking plenty of water. Did no fucking realize how absolutely shitty you can feel when you're dehydrated HAH so I'm drinking AT LEAST 80 oz of water a day, although i usually drink around maybe 125 oz or a little more per day.

Before this year, i was basically starving myself almost everyday. I had gotten so used to it that a lot of the time, I didn't even feel hungry. And it wasn't too too bad all the time, but last year was pretty bad.

I gained some weight this year! Just a few lbs, because of eating like a normal person lol but also from eating a lot of fast food and junk :p it wasn't so much maybe like... 6 or 7 lbs. but a bit of that is muscle I've noticed.

And since I've cut the majority of that shit out of my diet and keeping exercise in my routine I've dropped maybe like... 3 lbs this past month I think. 2 or 3 it really just depends on what time of day I weigh myself and if I had just eaten, yknow.

Also, weighing myself is something I try to NOT do, because of my eating disorder. But it is nice to know here and there. I mean, there are still some issues with this, because i weigh 115-116 at 5 feet atm... so im pretty normal to be so worried about this all. I was like 112 at the beginning of the year lol but I looked really thin and I didn't have the bit of muscle I gained that I have now.

Once I'm able to go to the gym consistently (work schedule is a bit all over the place right now), I really want to prioritize eating enough protein to gain more muscle mass, though. So, that'll bulk me up and I'll be stronger :o)

[satsumaspeach]

WORDS I'LL TREASURE FOREVER

January 25

You are my only romantic fiction

February 13

Well I don't know, I enjoy you

March 28

If I am a sapiosexual flirt the answer is you

April 19

Don't be sad though, think what you have achieved in the last few months. Your much better off than you were and you only narrowly missed out on this job. Not because you couldn't do it but becsuse they preferred another candidate for their own personal reasons.

Not entirely, but you are a friend who I would not wish to hurt

April 27

Always a good choice is my favourite as well x

April 29

Make the most of it you deserve it.

Don't cry, toast to your success and go to bed more than satisfied with all you have accomplished.

May 3 (Chicken Wings)

Saw that on TV and thought of you

May 5 (Maria Ressa)

The thought of my two favourite Filipinos working together lol

Well I had faith in you so eventually I believed that you would change your mind

May 17

It's been a long day for me too. I think you'll like this one https://youtu.be/seZMOTGCDag get some rest and enjoy and sleep well

Its very chilled I listened to it this morning and thought of you.

May 29

Hi Ri I am fine, my weekend is still going and is a good one, I managed to achieve what I needed to yesterday and was busy fixing the garden. I have heard people say before how reading an old book is like revisiting an old friend but not being a reader of books its not something that I have experienced. I am glad you enjoy it though. Why do you say your existence is stagnant is it because you are still yearning for change or because you are missing something? I found that when I was younger I would think about doing great things, but growing up and growing older is a process of coming to terms with the limitations of life and the constraints of this world, realising what actually is important. So find your place in this world, enjoy it and continue to flourish because I know that your existence can never be stagnant x

June 3

Morning Ri x, hope you are well. How has your week been? Have you connected with the real world a bit more. I would ponder that on my trip into London each day. Please remember I am always wishing for the best for you x.

Thats okay I thought a lot about messaging you but based on your previous reply I thought maybe I give you a little time. I kind of thought thats why you hadn't messaged.

June 4

Morning Ri, I am not sure if it is a long or short 6 months. So much has changed since we first spoke but it also doesn't feel like that long ago. Its very suprising what an awkward conversation can lead to and sometimes its the unexpected things that give us the greatest joy.

June 7

You have to remember alcohol is a strong social drug

Lol, the trick is to drink a little, which is good for overcoming anxiety and involves you into their social customs…. but not too much.

June 9

Well there is questions about most efficient and flexible way for governments to meet the needs of people, but by creating federal states there is a risks… such as fueling those areas want for independence or increasing the divide between areas

July 7

Keep excelling and using your muggle born magic lol

July 10

I wil toast the girl for swatting up better than even the swattiest of swats 🍻

July 14

I would say always take positive steps, if you are unsure of your current work the answer is not to step backwards but find a way of taking another step.

Personally I don't think your reasons are strong enough to make the decision to go back. You were overworked,your colleagues were lazy they relied on you too much, you worked crazy hours, you horrendous travel and no expenses.

Also, going back seems like an easy option… its certainly an easy option for them. However recruiting you to the same position doesn't make me think they value you as much as they should and once they have done that where is the progression, where is the incentive for them to proactive in helping you progress.

Also, going back seems like an easy option… its certainly an easy option for them. However recruiting you to the same position doesn't make me think they value you as much as they should and once they have done that where is the progression, where is the incentive for them to proactive in helping you progress.

What you should have learnt after quitting is that you have talent and those talents are saleable. Be the ambitious and driven person that you are.

July 15

Not everyone no

July 26

Hopefully your life is clicking again where you can find comfort in both your personal and professional life.

August 4

I think you are more successful than you realise, I am pleased that finally you feel appreciated at work. I hope that this vindicates your decision to battle through for a bit longer and proves that you arethe person that she hired 😀.

August 9

I hope you will figure things out. Our conversations correlate with a big change in your life and I believe a very positive one. Relationships are often formed and grounded by shared experiences, so aside from lust, thats how more meaningful bonds are created.

August 10

The problem is its not the movies and the world is not ideal, no matter how much you can try to be okay and pretend to understand… really how are you supposed to feel. Especially when you would not have done the same thing. In the movies romance conquers all and love is something that shines through and is even strengthened by adversity. I completely understand how terrible such a thing is and the damage that it can cause. But you get have continue on, find new meaning and eventually be brave enough to trust someone again.

And thats the cruelty of it a mental scar that is not visible to anyone but you.

August 11

It would be easier if you were a slut, but you may be lonely and weird and have misplaced beliefs, but above all you are caring

Well I don't think it will be easy to forget you.

You are a complication, not what I originally expected

Something I shouldn't exploit

Someone so open to be loved and to love with the fullness of their heart

September 2

I do realise. I like your deeply affectionate nature. However it also worries me because in searching for affirmation you show that you are vulnerable and fragile. I wish you could just be Ri and enjoy life, confident in how great you are (but not big headed lol). The question is what am I a friend, a part time lover or a projection of your wants and desires. I think it has been a muddle of them all. I am not sure what I can be for you, or what is best for you. I would just like you to be happy.

[absolutebl]

I’m comfort re watching Together With Me and after finding it trashy 6 months ago when I first watched it - I’m now loving it! I think I’ve watched so many Thai BLs now that I’ve acclimatised to them… is there anything in BLs that you used to find too much but you now love?

this is such a fan ask, thank you.

It's kinda crazy to think about what I loved unreasonably at the beginning and absolutely could not take at the same time.

Classic examples for me are:

Love By Chance which was originally my favorite BL. I must have rewatched AePete a hundred times after it dropped to YouTube. I still love it, but no where near as much as I did when my watched-list was short and my BL eye untrained.

On the flip side, it took me about 6 tries to watch Long Time No See. I have no idea why, because it's WONDERFUL, but I couldn't get into it at the beginning.

I was really really driven by performance at the start so if the acting was in any way wooden or the pacing too slow I checked out (this eliminated a lot of early Vietnamese stuff and Thai pulps).

10 BLs That I Could Not Stand... Originally

But now actually really enjoy or even love!

OMG SO MANY, BUT MY TOP 10 MAY SHOCK YOU.

1. To My Star (Korea) 

I didn't hate TMS on my first watch but I didn't actually like it much either. Perhaps because it was early KBL for me? KBL has a style that I still needed to grow into after all that Thai BL, and by TMS I just hadn't yet. Also I think most KBL is served by Viki's movie overmakes. I think TMS started out at about a 7/10 for me after the serialized first watch and then quickly became one of my few 10/10 after about 4 rewatches. Wish You was very similar, although it never rose as high. Tasty Florida might be on the same trajectory. (Color Rush and Light on Me I loved from the start. Mr. Heart and Where Your Eyes Linger I have never managed to warm to).

2. His the Movie (Japan) 

I hesitate to call His BL but it’s often discussed as part of this genre. Because I watched Restart first (and that is more BL-ish) and because His deals with such mature themes, I took forever to warm to it. It’s stunning and beautifully acted and of Japan’s stylish arthouse gay dramas, probubly one of the best, but that may just be because I have a mad crush on Shun. 

3. Life Love On the Line (Japan) 

This is another one that I watched in installments and then when I saw the directors cut movie really finally loved. Unlike His it’s a lot more BL, but I always struggle with a long tortured break up sequences in my romances. Unlike most Kdramas at least this one is treated with integrity, but it took the director’s cut movie version to bring the characters back together for long enough, pacing wise, for me to not be mad about it. There are bits of this drama I still don’t quite get, e.g. Yuki’s out of character blushing maiden behavior around sex(?!). But it’s now definitely a favorite of mine from Japan. And the little nod to giving HaoTing & XiGu from H3MODC an HEA when Taiwan didn’t is a delicious cherry on top. (Although the dig is a bit rich, coming from Japan.) 

4. Addicted Heroin (China) 

Oh boy did I not get this BL at the beginning. I didn’t understand what BL was like from China so I didn’t get how ground breaking it was. I did know what had been done to it, so I cut it slack over the ending (which I wouldn’t have otherwise). Took me three rewatches to get on board and now this is, without question, my favorite BL that Mainland China has ever produced. 

5. HIStory Obsessed (Taiwan) 

It was too short, too weird, and so so confusing when I first watched it. It is essentially a pastiche of tropes held together by genre conventions and expectations - if you don’t know them already, you’ll be awfully confused. After watching BL from China and Japan, looping back to this one from Taiwan caused it to climb the ranks. It will never be my favorite but the chemistry is on point, and now I like it for its brevity, too. 

Note: I now know what to expect from Taiwan, and it’s become my favorite BL producing country partly for reasons demonstrated in this BL. I like it’s mix of traditional yaoi influence and a queer lens, and I like that Taiwan still surprises me sometimes 

(See You After Quarantine? was SO UNEXPECTEDLY CHARMING). 

6. Stage of Love (Vietnam) 

I dnf’ed this the first time I tried. it was an early V-BL for me and I just could not take the acting style particularly in a show about a play. After a few more BLs came from this country and I got a feel for the style, I went back and rewatched it and liked it a lot more. Still not a favorite, but I get it now. 

7. 2gether

Oh boy I think I tried to watch this 4 times before i finally made it past the first 3 episodes? I HATE HATE HATE the character of Green. He’s grossly overacted, grates on the ears, is not funny (to me), buffoonish, cartoonish, feminized gay, AND punching down humor. I needed to skip though his parts and get to a place where Wat actually starts putting on moves. Then I liked this show a lot more. 

When Still 2gether came out I liked it a lot less, again. 

Then liked it more. 

Now I am somewhere in the middle. 

It’s been a rollercoaster. But it will never be for me what it is for those BL fans who entered the genre because of it. I have no nostalgia for 2g (that would be Love Sick). 

8. My Engineer 

I don’t like BohnDuen and they dominate the first episodes so I had to make it to RamKing before I enjoyed this at all. Took me a couple tries. Now I love it for them, but that’s pretty much it. 

9. My Tee

Another one that I had to keep trying to make it through. Honestly, it’s still pants, but I like it better than I did the first time. I think I have only rewatched it once or twice, that ending... 

10. Puppy Honey

Having to put up with stupid hets is a big buy in for PickRome. Especially in season one when they are definitely side dishes. Plus OffGun’s chemistry is off in this series (compared to where they get to). But I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. It took me a while to get there, tho. 

(source)

[i-cant-sing]

I know requests are closed so this isn’t a request I just had an idea based off an ask you got about hawks and the Todoroki clan. What if the reader escaped from yandere Todoroki clan (Dabi scared the reader/took it too far with the threats, or because endeavor and the brothers had a fight and the reader got scared)and they ran into hawks, crying and panicked thinking that he would help. But hawks recognizes them from the pictures in endeavors desk and offers them a lift to somewhere safe. Only for hawks to fly the reader back to the Todoroki estate where the whole family is waiting for them.

The reader feels hurt and betrayed and everyone is angry, but hawks being hawks tries to diffuse the situation by saying,”stop scaring the poor kid. They came to me scared out of their mind, but being the outstanding godfather that I am, I made sure to bring them back safely.” (Or something like that)

And endeavor just accepts that hawks claimed himself as the readers godfather, and tells the reader to get inside and to clean up.

So now hawks takes it upon himself to hang around the estate more to fulfill his “godfather” duties, spoiling the reader as much as he can.

Yandere Godfather Hawks x Todoroki clan reader

I was going to write boyfriend Hawks, instead of Godfather Hawks but this was just too good. I kinda thought that the age gap between Hawks and reader would be too much so maybe Godfather would be a better role for him, but the chaos that would follow if they find him dating reader would be just *chef's kiss*. I think I just might write bf Hawks too. Let me know what you guys think.

Anyways, enjoy!

Check out my MASTERLIST here!

Yandere Hawks:

You didn't know how long you had been running for. You didn't know how far you had gotten away from their house. You didn't even know where you were going, to be honest. But you did know that you had to get away from there as far as you could.

Sure, you only had a few hours headstart. But for them, the most powerful family in Japan, this wasn’t enough time for you. 

You had planned your escape with their schedule in mind.

Enji would come home from his office at 9pm; he used to return at 11, but ever since you were kidnapped adopted by them, he tries to come home early.

Natsuo had already visited you during the day. He habitually comes after his shift at the hospital. Once he would check you over for any injuries and be satisfied with your overall health, he would join you, Rei and Fuyumi for a quick lunch before leaving.

Usually, you would spend the day with Rei, Fuyumi and Shotou, then Enji would come by the time dinner was served. And once everyone went to sleep, Dabi would come to visit you around 2 am. He would tap on your window and disturb you from your sleep, but its not like you have any engagements in the morning anyways. Once you would let him in, he would talk to you and maybe watch a movie too. If he's pissed, he might "accidentally" leave a burn mark on your arm (and you've tried asking your family for help, but they wouldn't do anything. Natsuo would just bandage you up, while Shotou would comfort you. Besides, you've learned not to snitch on Dabi because he would even get angrier than before.)

That was your routine ever since they had took you, almost 7 months ago. Well, they had actually adopted you an year ago, and everything was going well. But then you started noticing their odd behaviour. You thought they were just being protective of you at first, but as time went on, their obsessive tendencies and no regard for your personal boundaries started weirding you out.

Then one day, they just stopped letting you out of the house. No matter how much you cried, begged or fought, they just wouldn't let you go outside, telling that you its for your own good.

At first, they would use cuffs to keep you bound since you fought so much. But then you started behaving, and they slowly started trusting you more and stopped putting on the restraints.

What they didn't know was that you were just biding your time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to escape. Like today.

Shotou had to go to his friend's house to work on a school project, so he wasn't able to join you at lunch today and would be coming home late.

After lunch, once Natsuo had left, you asked Fuyumi if she could go to the mall and buy you some books. You had been complaining to her about your boredom for quite sometime now, so she agreed and left to go shop for you.

So that only left you with Rei in the house. And while she had a weaker quirk than the rest of the family, your quirkless self was no match for her either.

But she was easier to fool. You told Rei that you were going to take a nap in your room and to call you when dinner was ready. Rei nodded before going to the kitchen to start preparing for dinner.

You went to your room and opened the window to get out. It used to be bolted shut but after months of working on it slowly but stealthily, you had managed to pop it open. It was 6, and you were sure Fuyumi and Shotou would be coming home by 7, so without having anytime to pack, you ran.

It was stupid. You should've at least gotten your coat and shoes on, but there was no guarantee a chance like this would appear again, so you left without them.

You kind of regret it now, as you winced in pain at all the rocks and twigs pressing into your bare feet. You shivered in the cold, which didn't bother you at first because of the adrenaline pumping through your veins, but now as you slid against a dumpster in an alley to give a break to your legs, you wished Rei could've given you some proper clothes, instead of the light, pastel pink dress. In her defence, the house was centrally heated during winters so you didn't really need warm clothes inside the house. But now, looking at the dark clouds forming in the sky, you wished she could've at least given you a sweater.

It had soon started raining, and the wind had picked up as well. Shivering, you decided to stay put by the dumpster and wait until it stopped. It would be easier for them to find you if you ran now because the streets will be empty because of the rain. And its not like you could go to a police station either. How will you explain to them that the no.1 hero had kidnapped you?

Sighing, you closed your eyes. You just have to vanish from their eyes until they give up on you, or at least find someone else to replace you.

Hawks was flying home when it had begun raining. Tutting, he flew back to the ground to walk his way home. It was dangerous to fly during the rain; his feathers would get heavy and weigh him down.

As he was walking, whistling to himself, he heard someone whimper in the alley to his left. He walked in the dark alley, bracing himself for any sudden movements. The little whimpers came from near the dumpster. The alley had no light, so he couldn't see much. He walked closer to the source of whimpers and he could make out a silhouette of a shivering girl, who was completely drenched. Her eyes were closed so she hadn't noticed Hawks yet.

He took a step closer. "Hey. You okay?" As soon Hawks voice reached her ears, she snapped her eyes open and backed away from him. Hawks backed up a bit, raising his hands in surrender. "Its okay. I'm a hero." He said, calmly.

Once she seemed recognise him, or at least realise he wasn't dangerous, she relaxed a bit. "What are you doing in the rain?"he asked. She paused for a bit, before replying in a tiny voice,"none of your business." Hawks smiled. "It kinda is. Now you can either tell me, or I can take you to the cops and you can tell them. What's it gonna be?"

Your breath hitched at his question. If he takes you to the cops, Enji will surely find you, and the punishment that will be waiting for you...you didn't even want to think about it. "I'm just...running." you mumbled, hoping he would leave you alone. "From who?" When you didn't reply, he sighed. "Okay. Can you tell me why you're running?"

You thought for a bit. Would he believe if you told him the truth? You knew he was close friends with Enji and you heard from Enji that he was very loyal to him, so you doubted that he would believe you if you told him the no. 1 hero had been holding you hostage for 7 months. But maybe he could help you. If you just tell him that someone's after you, then maybe he could drop you off somewhere safe?

Gulping, you answered. "I- I was kidnapped. And they've probably noticed that I'm missing now and- and I need to hide before they can find me. I can't, I can't go back there-" your voice broke down as you slowly started crying.

Hawks's eyes widened as he heard you confess. He hugged you, rubbing your back soothingly. "Shh, its okay. I'm here now. Tell me who it is." You shook your head no. "Don’t be afraid. I'll keep you safe. Just tell me who-" "No!"you cut him off, realising that you would be putting his life in danger if you told him the truth. The Todorokis have done it before, with your old family and friends; you have no doubt that they will do it again.

Hawks was taken aback by your outburst. Who were you so afraid of? Was it a crazy ex? Or a family member? Maybe you had gotten in trouble with the wrong crowd? Whoever it was, fear was evident in your voice. He had to help you.

"Okay. I'm sorry. How about we get out of the rain? Maybe to a cafe, where we can get a coffee to warm ourselves up?" He asked you again, trying to look at your face in the dark. You shook your head again, before speaking. "Could you- could you just get me out of this city? Or at least as far away from here as possible?"

Who were you so scared of that you wanted to leave the city? He could investigate that later, but first he needed to get you out of the rain. 

He nodded. "Alright. It should stop raining anytime now, so I can't fly you out right now. How about we walk to my apartment and warm ourselves and then, I could take you anywhere you want?"

This was the best you were going to get. You know you need to leave the city right now, but he was your only chance of leaving. So you agreed. Hawks smiled at that. "Can you walk?"he asked you. You nodded, but as soon as you took a step, you yelped in pain, almost falling down. Thankfully, Hakws was near to catch you. He laughed. Noticing your chattering teeth, he gave you his jacket. "You're going to catch a cold." Once you had worn his big, warm jacket, he lifted you up into his arms and started walking out of the alley and towards his home.

As he got out of the alley, the street lights finally illuminated your face.

You looked familiar, like he'd seen you before, but he can't seem to remember where he saw you. His eyes scanned your face. Your brows were furrowed in worry, and you kept looking over his shoulder. You looked scared, almost like a child. Looking down, he noticed your pink dress was completely ruined. He moved his gaze to your feet. They were bleeding, due to the stones, twigs and broken glass that had pierced them. Your legs had tiny burns, some had faded, others looked still fresh.

Were you being abused? Is that why you're running? He wanted to ask you these questions but he knew he had to wait for you to open up.

"Thank you."your tiny voice brought him back to reality. Hawks gave his famous heroic smile. "No problem." You gave a tiny smile of your own. It was kind. "Why do you keep looking back?"he asked you. Your eyes widened slightly, looking like a kid who got caught stealing cookies. "Are you worried about them taking you away again?"he asked, not really sure who he was referring to. You started tearing up again. Your lips wobbled as you slowly nodded your head. He stopped walking, causing you to look up to him. "Its okay. I promise I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise." His voice held such sincerity, you started crying into his chest as you kept on thanking him.

Hawks meant every word. He's going to make sure nobody ever lays a finger on you. How could anyone harm such a sweet thing like you?

He rubbed your shoulder with one hand to calm you down. Once you had stopped crying, he spoke again. "Hey, look. It stopped raining." You looked up and he was right; the sky had cleared up. "Well, are you ready to fly?" You smiled slightly before nodding. He told you to hold on to him tightly, and you buried your face into his chest before he took off.

Once you guys were in the air, Hawks told you to open your eyes. You did and the view was breathtaking. Tall buildings and sky scrapers were all over the city, and tiny lights from cars and street lamps looked like stars. It looked like a scene from an anime. Really pretty.

"Wow."you finally said. Hawks chuckled at that. Your looked like you just saw Santa. So adorable.

"I'm glad you like it."he said, as he started flying towards his home. You smiled. "Hey! You never told me your name."he said, mocking fake surprise.

You giggled at that. "I'm Y/n."

And just like that, Hawks finally remembered where he had seen you.

A year ago Endeavour had asked him to find everything he can on this one particular girl. Hawks thought that maybe you were linked to some case, but your records were clean, so he thought that maybe Enji was just looking for someone for Shotou. Hawks thought it was weird when you suddenly disappeared from the public eye a month later. He tried to ask Enji about you but he would just brush him off, telling him he had mistook you for someone else. It was odd, but Hawks eventually let go of it.

Wait. Does that mean Enji had been hurting you? No, that can't be it. Enji had been working with him on a lot of missions abroad, and the burn marks on your legs were rather fresh. 

"Whats wrong?"your soft voice brought him out of his thoughts. "Hmm? Oh nothing. Why do you ask?"Hawks faked a smile. You stared at him. Something was off. "Nothing. Its just you were lost in your thoughts, I guess."

Hawks laughed at that. "You’re really observant, aren't you?" Deciding to test out his theory, he continued. "Well, you're right. I was thinking about a work colleague. You might've heard of him. Endeavour, hm?"

At the sound of his name, you stiffened, confirming his suspicion. You were connected to him somehow. Hawks didn't know how, but he was going to figure it out. "Um, y-yeah. He's the no.1 h- hero, right?"the fear in your voice had returned, although you were trying hard to hide it.

Hawks nodded. "Yeah!" He had to find out how you were linked to Enji. Suddenly, he turned around and started flying back where you guys had started.

"W-what are you doing? Why are we going back?"you asked him. He looked down at you and replied, "we need to get bandages for your wounds. Otherwise your feet will get infected." You nodded. "Oh. Okay." With that you closed your eyes to prevent them from drying against the wind.

After maybe half an hour or so, you opened your eyes to look where you guys were flying to. You looked down and to your horror, saw a familiar house coming up. You looked at Hawks and he seemed to know what you were thinking. "We're going down there."he nodded his head towards the Todoroki estate. Your eyes grew wide, and your body started trembling. "No! No! We- we can't! We can't go there!" You started shaking your head. "And why not?"Hawks stopped flying towards the estate, simply flapping his wings to remain in the air. You just shook your head. "We can't. I can't. Just drop me off somewhere else. I'll be fine on my own." Hawks wanted to know the real reason. He frowned. "Tell me the truth right now or I'll take you down there this instant."

You gulped, his eyes were showing that he wasn't bluffing. Your eyes started to glisten with unshed tears as you finally told him the truth. You told him everything; about how Enji had kidnapped you, how he got rid of your real family, how he and Rei had tried to keep you a secret from everyone, how their kids found out about you but instead of helping you out, became attached to you just like their parents, about how the famous villian Dabi was Enji's son and how he would sometimes burn you. By the time you were done, tears were flowing down your cheeks as Hawks tried to process what you had just confessed to him.

"Do you trust me?"he suddenly asked you. You looked at him confused. "What?" He repeated again. "Do you trust me?" Did you? Honestly, not that much, but he was the only one who was going to help you so you slowly nodded. "Yes?" Not really sure of it yourself but Hawks accepted the answer anyways. "Good." As soon as he said that, he started flying again, towards the house. You started thrashing in his arms again. "No! You said you wouldn't take me back here! You said you wouldn't!"you were full on sobbing against him, trying to wring yourself free from his vice grip, but Hawks was neither listening nor relenting his tight hold on you.

You looked down and that's when you saw them. Enji, Rei, all of them, were standing in the garden looking at you and Hawks. Even Dabi was there. Rei must've panicked and called everyone. And from the look on his- everyone's face, you could tell you were in deep trouble.

You thrashed in Hawks arms, begging him to fly away, but he didn't listen to you at all.

Once you reached the ground, you didn't pull your head out of Hawk's chest. You don't want to see their rage or the punishments they have planned for you.

"Hey, Endeavour!" Hawks broke the silence first. "Mrs Todoroki. Kids." He nodded towards them. "Hawks. Who do you have there?"Enji asked, pretending as if he doesn't know you. Hawks laughed. "You don't have to pretend! I know everything." At this, Dabi activated his quirk, ready to cremate him but was stopped by Shotou.

Thinking that this was some sort of blackmail, Enji asked, "What do you want? Money?"

Hawks smirked. "Nope! Look, I know you kidnapped her and all but you are providing her a good life, right?" He paused to look at them. Everyone nodded. He continued. "And you're just keeping her home to protect her from harm?" Again, everyone nodded. "But she still managed to escape you all even though she's quirkless and you all are not."

"Get to the fucking point."Dabi said impatiently.

Hawks sighed. "Clearly, you need all the help you can get. You need me. I can help you help her keep safe and healthy!" He paused, before his eyes lit up. "I can't have my goddaughter getting hurt again." Everyone looked at him weirdly. Goddaughter?

"How about you hand her over and you'll still be able to fly." Dabi threatened, blue flames engulfing his hands. Hawks laughed again. He was right. It wasn't Enji who giving you those nasty burns, it was Dabi. "If something happens to me, I have enough evidence gathered against you" he pointed to Dabi, "and then cops will get involved and maybe take away Y/n away."

The threat of someone taking you away from them, made their heart drop. Rei, who had been previously sobbing, put a hand on Dabi's shoulder, telling him to calm down.

Hawks grinned at Enji, raising his eyebrows. "So what will it be, Endeavour?"

Enji understood the ultimatum Hawks was giving him. Either let him in the family or risk losing you to the authorities. And he knew Hawks wasn't one to make empty threats.

Enji's eyes snapped to you. You were trying to bury yourself into Hawks chest, trying to hide from them. He wasn't that mad at you for running, more worried if anything. Had his family really spooked you that much? He'll have to worry about that later. First he needs to get you back into his and Rei's arms.

Enji sighed, before nodding. "Fine. We'll do it your way."

Hawks beamed at that. "Great!" He was glad that Enji had accepted. "Now, you need to take Y/n in before she catches a cold; although I'm certain she already has. Oh and tend to her bloody feet too! Poor thing was just running around barefoot." He chuckled. Shotou moved forward to take you from Hawks but you clung tightly to Hawks shoulders.

"Please. Please. Just take me out of here. Please." You whispered to him, fresh tears pricking your eyes now.

You looked so scared. Your eyes were saucer wide, nose red from cold and cheeks flush. Fear. That was were you emitting. But the longer he looked at your face, he found something else too. Hope. Innocence. Naivety. And while fear was the predominant emotion, the latter were the ones that he wanted to protect. "Hawks." Enji's voice broke him out from his trance. Hawks smiled. Addressing you, he started rubbing soothing circles to your back. "Hey. Hey. Its okay, princess." You kept on crying, your eyes begging him to whisk you away anywhere but here. You looked so much like him when he was little. So afraid. "Listen, do you remember what I promised you?" You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. You're so endearing. "I promised you that I'll never let anyone hurt you again, didn't I?" You nodded slowly. "I intent on keep that promise, dove. Infact I'll talk to your dad tonight! But you need to go in and take warm bath. I don't want you getting sick, okay?"

You had seemed to calm down as you slowly nodded and let him hand you over to Shotou, who quickly ushered you in, with Natsuo, Rei and Fuyumi quickly following behind, leaving Hawks with Dabi and Enji.

"Lets go to your office, Endeavour! I have to go over some details as Y/n's new godfather." Enji nodded and went inside to go to his home office. Hawks was about to follow but was stopped by Dabi. "What game are you playing, you freak?" 

Hawks chuckled, before swiftly pulling out a very sharp feather and pressing it against Dabi's jugular. "I'm just here to make sure that no one hurts Y/n again. And if I see another scorch mark on her, I'll find you and carve your skin into ribbons."

I will be accepting requests and asks for godfather hawks and Todoroki clan!

Oh and don't worry, I'm working on part 2 of rei hurting the reader. It'll be done soon! :)

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒘𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 2

Part 1

Hiii I don't know if you take request but can i request like a chris evans x reader like the reader and chris are married and chris is having a bad day or something so chris go out to the pub and go home drunk and its been going for 3 days and the reader and chris has a 6year old and the reader have been doing all the work and taking care of they're daughter and they're daughter miss chris bc chris is never home and just go home until 12 or 2 in the morning or if chris is home he never play with her daughter and they're daughter is sad abt it bc they're daughter though chris doesn't love her anymore and chris miss her play in school even though chris promise so that day when chris miss her daughter's play the reader confront chris abt it and chris said he doesn't care abt his daughter and he said he didn't know why he married the reader bc she's clingy but chris didn't know that they're daughter heard what chris said abt her and chris didn't know also that the reader is 6-7 weeks pregnant and the reader and chris heard they're daughter sob and that moment chris realize it all his mistakes? and apologize to them idk if this make sense and im sorry if this is so longg, thank you in advance stay safe! <3

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒔 𝒙 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝒅𝒂𝒅! 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔

𝑷𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕

Chris paced back and forth as he tried to call you for the 10th time. It was the next day, he was sober and the images from last night clouded his brain. Seeing the pain and anger on your face as he said he wish he never married you.

Seeing isabella crying from his disgusting words. That hurt him the most, he regret everything.

The phone went to voicemail again making Chris groan. You had every right to not talk to you, but he wanted to know you and isabella was okay. You were still his wife.

Chris sighed sitting down on the couch. He rubbed his eyes with his palm, exhaling for the hundredth time.

The house phone on the table beside the couch rung causing Chris to quickly grab it. He thought it was you but no, it was your doctor.

"hi is this Mrs Evans?" Chris frowned, "uh no but this is Mr Evans." Chris said, he was deeply confused.

"oh well you tell Mrs Evans that have her next appointment date to check on the baby."

Chris stood up, he wasn't sure he heard right. "I'm sorry, the baby?"

The innocence lady on the other side of the phone phone gasped, "oh I'm sorry, you didn't know."

"no it's fine." Chris sighed softly, his heart picking up speed in his chest. "I'll tell her, thank you." He hung up the phone throwing it onto the couch. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He mumbled to himself. He really needed to find you and isabella.

*

You laid in the uncomfortable bed, isabella sleeping soundly beside you. It was around 8 in the morning and thoughts from yesterday filled your mind.

"I wish I never married you"

"Forget isabella, I don't care about her stupid play"

It hurt just knowing he thought those things. It took some time last night, but you managed to go to sleep around 3am. Now it was morning time, you were in a crappy hotel, and Chris was blowing up your phone like crazy.

You sighed pulling back the blanket. You walked to the bathroom. You looked in the mirror, your almost 3 month along bump was showing. You tore your eyes from it looking at your face. You were trying not to think about Chris in that moment.

"get it together y/n." You whispered to yourself.

"mommy." You looked back to the doorway seeing isabella. Her stuff bear was in her hands as she rubbed her sleepy eye with the other hand.

"good morning honey."

You walked over to her, "did you sleep good?" Isabella looked up at you. "Yeah, I slept great." You laughed, "that's great. Uh do you wanna go get some breakfast? We can eat some pancakes and waffles, what you say bug?"

Isabella started to think, it was almost like you can see the wheels turning in her head. "Uhh yeah. Can we see daddy too?"

Your stomach did a flip, you didn't think she'll be okay with what he said about her, but She was 6 so maybe that was the reason.

"umm... Yeah, yeah. We can see daddy." Isabella smiled, "okay, I watch TV now." She walked back over to the bed, hopping in it. You exhaled, running your hands over your face. Here goes nothing you thought to yourself.

*

Chris phone ringing interrupting him from his daze. He picked it up seeing your contact. His heart picked up as he answered it.

"y/n, are you okay?" On the other side of the phone you sighed, "yeah, I'm fine. Look um isabella want see you so can you meet us at the diner at (some street name)?"

Chris nodded even though you couldn't see him. "Yeah, of course." He walked to the foyer to put on his shoes. "Umm, I love you." Chris said. He wasn't expecting you to say it back, but you did. When you did, his heart skipped and a smile formed on his face.

You hung up the phone. You let out a sigh once again. Here goes nothing.

*

You sat in the diner, isabella beside you coloring in the booklet they gave her. You both were waiting for Chris to come.

Your mind was filled, you couldn't even figure out what you were thinking about at all at this point.

After waiting a few more minutes, you heard the diner door open. In walked Chris. In his hands was a bouquet of flowers and stuffed animal. You were guessing it was his apologize.

He walked over to you both, just like yours, his heart was beating pretty hard in his chest.

"hey." Chris smiled shyly at you as you got up. "Hi." You tore your eyes from his, looking down at isabella. She was looking up at her daddy with a soft smile on her face. Chris kneeled down to her height. "Hi baby." He said to her softly. "I'm sorry for yesterday, I didn't mean any of it, I promise. Can you forgive me?"

isabella's small smile grew to a bigger one. "Yeah." Chris smiled at her. "Okay, give me a hug."

Isabella giggled as she Wrapped her arms around his neck. Chris hugged her close. He felt relived she forgave him, he felt so bad for saying what he said to her and he's going to spend the rest of his life making it up to her.

He pulled away from her, he handed the stuffed animal to her before standing back up.

He looked back at you. "Uh these are for you. It's not an apology, I'll give you a sincere apology later, but for now I have these." He looked at you, he had bags under his eyes from his sleepless night, and tear streaks on his cheeks from the crying he did.

you quickly tore your eyes from His taking the flowers. "Thanks." You cleared your throat. "Uh shall we have breakfast?"

Chris inhaled, "yeah." He walked over to the opposite side of the table and took a seat. You did the same sitting back beside isabella. You all ordered trying to forget about the tension that was very much between you and Chris. It was nice that you both were talking, but you just couldn't wait for the much needed talk later that night.

*

It was around 8 pm. You and Chris decided to drop her off at his mom's house. You didn't want what happened the day before to happen again.

You sat on the couch fiddling with your shirt end. Chris was in the kitchen getting you both something to drink before you talked.

"so um.. I got you some water." Chris said walking over to you handing you the glass of water. You thanked him Taking a sip before placing it on the coffee table. Chris sat beside you with a sigh.

"I.. I'm sorry for yesterday. I didn't mean any of it. It just slipped out because I was drunk and tired, I wasn't in my right head space in the moment and I took out on you and Bella and I'm sorry." He breathed out. He scanned your face waiting for you to speak. You shook your head, you didn't look at him but you spoke.

"yeah you're sorry, but you really hurt me. I wish I was never, that's fucked up and it hurts so much. If you never wanted to marry me why did you?"

You turned to Chris, tears threatening to spill over. The look on your face hurted Chris, he fucked up big time and he knew it.

"no, I didn't mean that, I swear. I love you more than anything. I don't regret marrying you, it was just a stupid mistake... I'm sorry baby."

Tears were starting to form in chris' eye. He felt guilty, he knew no amount of words could fix what he done but he was sorry more than anything.

"you promise?" You looked at him. Your lips were trembling Because of your crying.

"I promise." Chris said. He cupped your cheek with his hand. He placed a light kiss on your nose, but it wasn't enough for you. You went way too long without kissing him, you weren't going to waste another second not.

You grabbed his chin kissing him. Somehow his chap lips felt soft. They felt like home to you, you missed them so much.

You pulled away looking back at Chris. "I have something I need to tell you." You said fiddling with his hands.

"I'm pregnant."

Chris gave you a sour look, you already knew why. "You know?" Chris nodded, "the doctor called. they have an appointment for you, they want you to call them back to tell you."

You exhaled, "well... Surprise." You laughed making Chris smile. He missed that sound. He's been gone for so many nights he totally forgot how it sounded.

"can I come to the next appointment?" Chris pouted his lip making you laugh. "Of course you can. You need to your little peanut. I'm thinking it's a boy"

Chris frowned, "no I'm pretty sure it's a girl."

"you haven't seen them yet." You said to him Rolling your eyes playfully. "I know but I want another princess."

"touche."

--

It's not that good but thank you for reading. I had fun breaking y'all hurts on the first part lol

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