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#its better to just stick with they the whole time
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chemical override (10)
Ewan Mitchell x actress!reader
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a/n: as dictated by the results of poll #6, this chapter will include stunt training, clubbing, and an accident. Plus, you've got tub anon to thank for... well... the tub scene :) Oh, and this is kind of 18+. Just a tad.
series masterlist ▪︎ main masterlist
Matt and the reader eagerly explore the uncharted waters of their budding relationship. Ewan is booked and busy with the preparation for his new franchise. Will Ewan and his darling even find time for each other, or should they just take this opportunity to let go?
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The internet, ever so informative, lets you know that Ewan and Jenna’s arrangement is in its initial stages before he even calls to tell you. 
Their first interview with Josh Horowitz is immediately followed by another feature on the movie set, with the two talking about the pre-production, what they liked about the script, and their chemistry, which according to them, came naturally and did not require much work at all. It was practically the thing they had to work on the least. How lucky. 
A lighthearted reprieve came in the form of a meme that started circulating not long after their interview with Josh. In it, Ewan is caught looking like he's either malfunctioning or deep in a philosophical crisis. The internet ran with it, with captions like, ‘When you realise you left the oven on at home’, to comparing him to an NPC glitching out.
When you asked him about it, he quickly stammered that he simply spaced out. Sure. It was hilarious, nonetheless.
Your publicist Mallory had commented that soon Ewan and Jenna would be obliged to go on pap walks, something that would appear casual and separate from the confines of the project that they’re working on. Something that signals that their relationship is making it into the real world.
“That whole casual ‘just friends hanging out’ vibe they’re gonna push? It’s all part of the gig,” Mallory shared. “Next thing you know, they’ll be taking long walks on the beach or grabbing coffee in some trendy LA spot.”
You’d be lying if you said it didn’t sting. Even just a little. Sure, you know what the business is like. You’ve been on the same end of that deal just recently, with your own film’s PR efforts. But this arrangement that Ewan has doesn’t seem like the usual short-term fling to drum up buzz. It feels�� heavy, like something that might actually stick.
“I’d be lying if I say I don’t find it all annoying, darling, but I try to look at it now as part of the job, you know?” he had said, when he phoned you one evening – his afternoon – to let you know that his stay in LA would be much longer than expected. 
You responded with, “Oh, yeah, I completely understand.” What else can you do? You aren’t together – you don’t have a claim to him, and vice versa. You thought that would make things better – easier – but you’re still waiting for that sense of comfort to kick in.
This is for the best, you would remind yourself every time a new headline surfaces. 
It’s only been a month since you last properly saw Ewan, since that night on the rooftop. In the early days, he messaged every day, called whenever he had a spare moment. But slowly, the calls have become shorter, more sporadic – chalked up to his increasingly busy schedule. Your tones have become more dispassionate – he blames it on his exhaustion, profusely swearing that he misses you so fucking much, but something feels different. 
Your job keeps you busy, with your commitments related to the new season of House of the Dragon, event appearances, and gearing up for the release of your film with Jacob. You are even invited to the upcoming Vanity Fair Young Hollywood Ball, an exclusive party to be held in New York.
And Matt is a more than welcome distraction. 
Matt, who has begun spending more time in your apartment after Ewan’s temporary move to LA. Matt, who brings you flowers that are apparently ‘beautiful, but pales in comparison to you’. Matt, who is unfailingly a gentleman, respecting your boundaries and not making a move since that time on your couch after your first date, when you told him to wait. 
He sits with you by your kitchen counter, in a disarmingly tight white shirt that leaves little to the imagination, one sturdy hand nursing a cup of coffee and the other on the small of your back to support you as you sit on the high stool, and you suddenly don’t want him to wait anymore. 
“Have you decided on what you’ll be wearing to the screening tonight, love?” he asks. 
“Why? Does it have to be pre-approved?” you playfully quip, narrowing your eyes at him.
“Ah,” he nods, smiling, playing along, “of course, of course. You think I’m an easy man to date? You’ve got to keep up with my standards, as beautiful as you already are.”
You laugh, playfully mussing his hair, and he catches your wrist before it drops back on the counter. He says, “I ask because I wanted to match you, so to speak. We’d be like two peas in a pod.”
“Oh,” you snort softly, “or you know, like Tweedledee and Tweedledum?”
“Funny girl,” he muses, before leaning forward and capturing your lips in a soft kiss, caffeinated and warm and Matty. You notice that his hand on your back is pressed firmer – he didn’t want you to slip when you leaned in. 
Charming bastard. He isn’t making things any easier… or maybe he is. 
Maybe he’s it. 
But the moment’s broken by a loud, offended-sounding meow. You look down to see Sansa, staring at Matt like he’s personally responsible for all the world’s problems.
“Hey, babygirl,” Matt croons, extending a hand toward her. Sansa, the biggest diva of a kitten, just gives him a slow blink before trotting off, clearly unimpressed.
“Calling her babygirl isn’t going to make her warm up to you,” you tease.
“She already doesn’t seem to like me,” he replies, scoffing. “Which is a shock, pretty much, how can she not?”
“So humble, Matthew.” You smile at his effortless charm, his easy personality. That’s all you seem to be doing nowadays. Matt is like your personal ray of sunshine. 
“I’ll win her over,” he declares confidently, sitting upright. “Anything for my lady.”
You roll your eyes. “How very Daemon of you.”
“Actually,” he laughs, “Daemon would probably feed her to Caraxes for being difficult.”
“Matthew!”
“I’m kidding!”
Sansa meows even louder, bounding away towards your bedroom. 
“Leave my Sansa alone,” you say, pointing at him accusingly.
He gives you a sly grin. “I will… if you come here and give me another kiss.”
Before you can respond, he slides your stool closer to his with a smooth movement, catching you off guard. You find yourself practically in his lap, his thighs pressing against yours as he waits, looking entirely too pleased with himself.
“Okay,” you sigh deeply, narrowing your eyes, unable to mask the smile that graces your lips. “One kiss, but only for Sansa.”
“Oh, shush and kiss me already, love.”
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The film screening had been a private event, by invitation only from those who worked on the film. Edward Bluemel, Matt’s good friend, is a fellow actor marking his directorial debut with this film. For a first go, it was impressive, gripping from start to finish. Almost as much as Matt’s hand resting just above your knee, his thumb absentmindedly tracing soft circles into your skin.
Your cheeks had flushed when a particularly steamy scene came on the screen, and it might have been the nervous gremlins in your mind, but you swore Matt’s hand inched higher up your leg.
Now, on your couch, his hand is even higher. He hovers over you, his breath heavy and uneven as his fingers tease at the warmth between your thighs, so close to where you’re already aching for him. 
Maybe it was all the dirty martinis you drank at the open bar after the screening, or maybe this was a long time coming. Either way, you want him, and from the way his lips move urgently against yours, he wants you too.
It dawns on you that the tension is no longer something you can talk yourself out of.
He pulls away, and you protest with a mewling whine, your body arching into him. He nearly growls in frustration, the unspeakable sound you just made having a direct line to his hardened cock. With a gentle tug at the nape of his neck, you pull him back down to your lips, but he resists. 
“We have to slow down,” he chuckles mirthlessly. “Because we’re about to cross a line that I won’t be able to hold back from, love.”
“Matt – ”
“I understand – ” He licks his lips, letting out a slow and controlled breath. “ – that you want to wait – ”
Your confession comes out slow and measured, letting him know that this is what you really want. “Maybe I don’t want… to wait anymore.”
“Say that again,” he says slowly, his eyes darkening in lust. 
“Maybe I… I want you to fuck me.”
“Maybe?” he whispers, his voice rough, practically pleading.
“Oh, just fuck me.”
That’s all it takes for him to snap.
He undresses you in record time, ripping off every item of clothing from your body with an eagerness that betrays just how hungry he is for you.
Neither of you even bother to travel to your bedroom. At some point, your entwined naked bodies slip off the couch and onto your plush carpet. 
And you have a heated… What was it called again? 
Oh right – a damn good roll in the hay. 
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The water is still warm in your deep clawfoot tub, steam rising gently from the surface. You lean back, head resting against the porcelain, that blissful post-sex daze settling over you. 
Matt slides into the water opposite you, his movements slow, deliberate. His eyes haven’t left you since he stepped in, and you can feel the weight of his gaze lingering on your skin. It isn’t just the remnants of your earlier intimacy – though that heat still hummed in the air between you – it’s something more. Something you can’t name and maybe you’re afraid to, but it tugs at you all the same.
A small smile plays on his lips, the kind that made your chest tighten – half teasing, half dangerous.
“Enjoying yourself?” he asks, voice low and smooth.
You exhale a soft laugh, running your fingers lazily through the water, trailing small ripples across the surface. “I’m not exactly complaining, am I?”
“Good. Wouldn’t want you to have second thoughts.” His tone is light, but the undercurrent of meaning isn’t lost on you.
You close your eyes, letting the warm water soothe your tired muscles, but even with the comfort of the bath, you can’t quite escape the one person lingering in the back of your mind. 
Matt isn’t Ewan, but he’s here, his presence steady, his charm disarming. He makes you laugh, makes you feel wanted in ways that are simple and uncomplicated, and maybe that’s what you need right now. Maybe it was okay to let yourself enjoy this, to live in this moment without overthinking what it meant.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Matt asks, leaning forward.
You open your eyes, catching the glint of amusement in his. “Just... thinking.”
“Dangerous territory,” he teases, reaching for your hand.
“Hmm, maybe,” you murmur, meeting his gaze. “You’re too charming for your own good, you know that?”
He chuckles deeply. “I’ve been told. But I like to think it’s part of my appeal.”
You roll your eyes, though you can’t help the smile tugging at your lips. “Cocky bastard.”
He grins, leaning in even closer, his breath warm against your cheek. “Takes one to know one.” His hand travels to your leg underneath the water, massaging gently.
“I’m serious, though,” he says softly, his voice taking on a more earnest tone. “I don’t want you overthinking this. We’re good, yeah?”
You nod, but there is a flicker of something else in your chest. Guilt, maybe? But Matt is right here, and he isn’t asking for anything more than what you could give, and for now, that is more than enough.
“We’re good,” you whisper, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips.
He smiles against your mouth, his hand moving to cup the back of your neck, pulling you in closer. “Good,” he whispers back, his voice a low rumble that sends a shiver down your spine. “Because I’m not done with you yet.”
You laugh, the sound muffled as he kisses you again and positions you on top of him. You shuffle forward and discover a very obvious indication that he’s ready for round two of rolling in the hay. Or in the tub. Whatever works. 
He looks absolutely enraptured when you ride him, your motions causing tremors in the water. 
And in the sheer pleasure he gives you, surrounded by flickering candlelight and the smell of lavender, you allow yourself to let go.
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The event has the industry buzzing - an exclusive event by Vanity Fair celebrating the rising stars of Hollywood. A masquerade party, the notion of which excited you to no end. You’d only read about such in books, in its medieval iterations, all poofy skirts and velvet waistcoats, the whole concept full of prestige and mystery. 
You spent days prepping with your team, the anticipation building until it felt like a living thing inside you. Your dress, a beautiful piece from Atelier Versace, fits like a glove, one side made of draped black sequins shimmering like liquid night against your skin. The theme is Midnight Elysium, and you look every bit the part - dangerous and glamourous and untouchable. 
Your makeup team did an impeccable job. Your eyeshadow resembles a swirling galaxy, a blend of silver and noir. Your lipstick is a perfect nude shade that matches your skin tone and your features.  
But then there was the mask. The final, necessary touch. Delicate black lace that settles over your eyes, framed with gold filigree and flecks of silver – sharp and ethereal at once. It was a piece of art, something you personally commissioned from a local designer in your hometown.
In a room where everyone claims to know everyone, a mask can be more than just a costume piece. It can be a weapon – giving you the freedom to be both seen and unseen. 
Stepping into the nightclub is like slipping in between worlds. Black velvet drapes line the walls, catching the glow of the minimal lighting – gold and silver chandeliers hanging like constellations. The bass from the music pulses underfoot, sending vibrations through your veins. Faces are obscured by extravagant masks, but you are able to recognise some of them if you look close enough. Milly is speaking to someone by the bar, and you remind yourself to pull her aside for a chat later. Timothee is introducing his date to a small flock of people. And Jacob is bounding right for you the moment you make eye contact. 
“There’s my leading lady,” he greets cheerfully, swooping down to kiss you on both cheeks. He’s wearing a metallic silver vest and trousers, along with a white mask that covers one side of his face like The Phantom.
“Wow,” you say, making a show of appraising him, looking at all 6 foot 5 inches of his figure up and down. “You look like a handsome disco ball.”
He laughs, the sound unmistakable even in the bustling nightclub. “And look at you! What are you, a cyberpunk witch? A sleek dominatrix?” 
“Careful now,” you warn him, “or I might just hex you into getting me a drink.”
“Coming right up,” he says, but his attention is pulled by someone calling his name. “Hold on a sec, I have to introduce you to some of my friends.” You let him lead you further into the room, and you’re swept into the rhythm of it all, moving through the crowd as if you belong – because you do. You’re slowly getting used to the weight of eyes on you, but tonight, it feels as if there’s a shadow you can’t quite shake. 
Your personal shadow in a room full of masked shadows. Your skin prickles, an awareness blooming under your ribs. In all the fuss leading up to this event, you hadn’t really bothered to check the full roster of attendees.
After several rounds of conversation, you excuse yourself for a moment and stand off to the side to take a breather. 
And then you see him.
Ewan stands across the room, a drink in hand, his black leather overcoat tailored to perfection. The mask he wears, a sharp cut of black and gold, adds a dangerous air to him. His effortlessly tousled hair sports a smattering of gold embellishments, like streaks of pale blonde hair. You take him in, every inch of him, that mischievous curve of his lips and the glint of his blue eyes underneath that mask. 
It hits you like a tidal wave, like a fucking hurricane, the longing you’ve tried to suppress for weeks. 
You shouldn’t want him this much, not when you both agreed to the break. To keep some distance. His fake romantic arrangement had made sure of that. And after everything, you knew that some separation was what you both needed. 
But seeing him now, looking at you like he’s starving… it’s enough to unravel every careful thread you’d stitched together since you last touched. You want to look away, pretend that this is just another night, that he’s just another fellow actor among the crowd. But the pull is too strong. It’s as if your legs move on their own volition, and you slowly move through the crowd, almost subconsciously drawn to him. 
He steps deeper into the shadows of the club as you approach, disappearing into one of the more secluded alcoves draped in heavy black velvet. No one will see you there. No one will know any better.
The world narrows down to just the two of you, and the music becomes a distant hum. It’s quieter, darker, and for all the trappings of the Hollywood elite, Ewan is far more intoxicating. 
“You’re here,” you whisper, half in question, half in disbelief.
But he’s already moving towards you, his eyes dark and hungry behind the mask. The air between you crackles with an undeniable need – weeks of distance, of longing, building up to this moment. He’s close enough that you feel the warmth of his body through your dress, and you so badly want to forget that this is a bad idea.
“I can’t stay away,” he says, his voice low and raw, like it’s costing him to hold back. “Not tonight.”
You swallow, your heart pounding in your chest, every rational thought slipping away as his fingers skim the bare skin of your waist through the slits in your dress. “We… we can’t,” you manage to say, but even to your own ears, it sounds weak. Oh, who are you trying to fool?
“How can I not? Fuck, how can you look like that and expect me to just walk away?”
You want to say something, something sensible, something to remind him of the stakes. But nothing comes to mind, not when his hand brushes up your arm, raising goosebumps in its wake. His other hand slips to your waist, pulling you closer until there’s no space between you. He dips his head down, breathing against your shoulders and your neck, taking you in like a vice. 
“Ewan,” you finally croak. “We agreed not to – ”
“I don’t bloody care,” he cuts you off, his mouth inches from yours. “We agreed to give it some time, sure, but I never agreed to stop wanting you. Besides, I make good on what’s asked of me. I play the part. I deserve to be rewarded, don’t I? And you’re the only prize I desire.”
His words hit you hard, melting any resistance you’d been clinging to. 
“Oh? So… so I’m just a prize now?”
He only smiles. “The only one worth winning.”
Before you can think, before you can stop yourself, you pull him closer and crash your lips into his. 
The kiss is hard, fierce, his mouth feverishly attacking yours. He tastes bittersweet, all hard bourbon and cigarettes. You’re certain that the lipstick your makeup artist painstakingly applied would be wiped clean off. His hands grip you harder, fingers digging into your flesh, pulling you closer, deeper, like he can’t get enough.
You break apart, gasping for breath. His lips are slick, shining in the occasional flicker of neon blue and red lights, his mask casting shadows across his sharp features.
A bright flash from the party's official photographer erupts in the corner, thankfully not pointed in your direction. Still, it momentarily shakes both of you back to reality. 
“Come with me.” His hand slips into yours, fingers curling possessively as he pulls you away from the cacophony of the club. You barely have time to react before you’re being led down a narrow, dimly lit hallway. He pushes open a door, leading you into a smaller room bathed in that same cold, electric blue. Plush seating is arranged haphazardly in the corners, but the space is mostly empty. The low hum of the bass still thrums in the distance, but it’s reduced to a faint echo. The smell gives off cigarette smoke and spilled liquor.
“Smoking area,” he says with a half-smirk, glancing around the room as if seeing it for the first time himself. “I think.”
“You think?” You raise an eyebrow.
He shrugs, utterly unconcerned. “Who cares? It’s just us in here.”
You shoot him a look, glancing back at the door. “Someone could walk in.”
He chuckles, stepping closer, that familiar heat radiating off him like a furnace. “It’s a party, darling. They’re probably wasted out of their minds. And besides…” He taps the edge of his mask, his eyes glinting mischievously behind the black and gold. “The masks?”
You bite your lip, trying to maintain some semblance of control. “And if someone does walk in?” you ask, arching a brow. “What then?”
He steps closer, crowding into your space, the tension thick between you. “Then they get a show,” he says, his voice playful and teasing, but laced with something darker. 
“Are you fucking serious?” 
“You can still walk away, darling,” he offers, trying to bait you when he knows full well that he already has you hooked. “Or, you can just shut up and kiss me.”
So much for giving it time. Ewan’s lips find yours once more, just as desperate, and you barely notice when he directs you to the seating, your back colliding with its velvet exterior. His low groan sends a wave of heat pooling in your stomach, and you think to yourself, this was a terrible idea. 
Your hands roam, finding the planes of his chest. He smoothly takes off his leather overcoat, revealing his bare torso underneath. The sight of it makes your head spin, and you croak unsteadily, “Ewan… not here, baby, we can’t – ”
“I know, darling,” he croons, his hand cradling your face. “I just wanna kiss you. I just want you… to touch me…” His other hand takes yours and drags it down the firm lines of his stomach, a desperate plea in his eyes. “Please, just – ”
The moment is abruptly shattered by the sound of giggling from the hallway, getting louder. Suddenly, the door opens and in stumbles a pair of girls, one of them you recognise to be Jenna. 
“Oh!” The other girl exclaims, clearly delighted by the situation she’s just walked into. She pulls off her mask, revealing herself as Emma Myers. “We found him! We finally found your date.”
Your heart plummets, right down on the liquor stained carpet.
“Hi,” you manage to squeak, getting to your feet and smoothing down your dress which had ridden scandalously higher up your thighs. “I’m – ”
“Oh, I know who you are,” Jenna says, shaking your hand, not the least bit bothered by the state she found you and Ewan in. “I love your work. I’m Jenna.”
“Oh… thank you – ”
Emma steps in, grinning. “Hi! I’m Emma. I’m such a fan.”
“Oh my god, I should be saying that to you guys!” you blurt, feeling a rush of relief at their easy demeanour. “I love Wednesday.”
They both gasp, and soon the three of you are exchanging compliments like old friends, chatting about each other's work with enthusiasm. Ewan, still seated, watches the scene unfold with barely concealed frustration. He eventually stands, shrugging his leather coat back on, and glances at Jenna.
“One of our producers is here,” Jenna explains cheerfully. “She’d love to chat with both of us.”
Right. Ewan’s her date. The word echoes in your mind, but the jealousy you expected to feel is oddly muted now. 
Ewan speaks, addressing only you, “Darling, will you – ”
“I’ve got her,” Emma declares, looping her arm around yours. “I’ve got so much I want to ask you!” Before you know it, she leads you out of the room like you’ve been best friends for years.
Ewan’s eyes stay on you, full of frustration and yearning, even as he and Jenna follow you out the door.
But you barely see him for the rest of the night.
The party is a blur of celebrities and conversations, but your mind keeps drifting back to that stolen moment in the blue-lit room. Eventually, your social battery runs out, and you slip out of the club early, unnoticed by most. 
Back at your hotel, you peel off your dress and drop onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling as the events of the night replay in your head. The feeling of his hands on your skin, the heat of his body pressed against yours – it’s all too much.
Your phone buzzes on the nightstand, snapping you out of your thoughts. Ewan One-Eye flashes across the screen.
You hesitate, thumb hovering over the screen, but you pick up. His voice is low, almost cautious. “You left early.”
“I was tired,” you reply, voice soft. “The party was great but it was... a lot.” Mainly because of him.
A beat of silence follows, and you wonder if he's wrestling with what to say next. “Are you okay?” You can almost picture him running a hand through his hair, jaw clenched, eyes dark with worry. 
“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say, unable to hide the tremble in your voice. 
Another long pause, with only his slow breathing on the other end. 
“I hate this,” he finally says, voice barely above a whisper, the raw emotion in his words hitting you like a punch to the gut. “I fucking hate that he gets to have you, and I don’t… and I can’t… ” He cuts himself off, and you hear the snap of his lighter followed by his sharp exhale.
You bite your lip, your throat tight with emotion. You’ve both been so careful, dancing around each other, pretending that you could stay apart.
“I’m flying back to London tomorrow night,” you blurt out, the words rushing out before you can stop them. It feels like a confession, like you’re admitting defeat.
“I need to see you before you go.”
“Ewan, we agreed – ”
“Fuck what we agreed!” His sudden outburst takes you by surprise, and you hear the raw need in his voice. “I don’t care about the arrangement, I don’t care about the distance. I just... I need you.”
You want to tell him that you need him too. You want to throw caution to the wind and agree to being together in secret despite the false romance he has to portray to the world. But you can’t. 
“I...” Your voice falters. “We’ll see each other soon.” It doesn’t feel like enough. With a soft sigh, you add on a lighter note, “Alyna still has to kick Aemond’s ass, you know.”
A beat passes, and then you hear his tired laugh on the other end. “Right,” he chuckles softly, the sound both comforting and heartbreaking. “Wouldn’t want to keep the fans waiting for that.”
“Yeah, well,” you say, trying for casual, trying not to let your voice crack, “someone’s got to put Aemond in his place.”
“Hmm, well if that place happens to be right in Alyna’s arms, I doubt you’ll hear any complaints about the script from me this time.”
You can’t help but smile at his teasing, but it only deepens the ache in your heart.
“Ewan…” you begin, but the words hang in the air, unspoken. 
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“I know, darling,” he replies, his tone resigned yet gentle. “I miss you too.”
The training room is alive with the sounds of clashing swords and laughter, but you can’t help but feel a different kind of electricity buzzing in the air. Maybe it’s just the way Matt looks at you, as you rehearse a scene where Daemon helps Alyna brush up on her sword fighting. 
You lunge forward, initiating the first move with confidence, and he counters effortlessly, the blades clashing in a symphony of steel. The practice moves are intense, each swing bringing you closer. His eyes darken with focus as he follows your movements, and for a moment, it becomes easy to forget the rest of the stunt crew in the room. 
“Nice footwork,” Matt compliments, stepping in closer. His body brushes against yours, sending a rush of heat through you. Ever since your night together, he has only been more brazen with his affections. “But you’re leaving yourself open here.” He demonstrates, his sword brushing against your side as he adjusts your stance.
“There,” he says, his voice dropping lower, “feel that?” You swallow nervously, grateful that the stunt coordinator had moved on to Harry in the far side of the room.
“I think I might be too open,” you manage to say, trying to keep your tone light.
“Maybe,” Matt murmurs, stepping back slightly but keeping his gaze locked on yours. “But I can’t help but want to close the distance.”
As you move through the choreography, you both fall into a rhythm, and almost inevitably, the fight turns into something more playful. You circle each other, exchanging faux blows and laughter, the distracting banter causing the stunt director to approach and get you both back on track. 
Next up, you have to train for Alyna’s pivotal scene where she attempts to mount Caraxes as per Daemon’s command. 
As you practice the mounting technique on the mechanical dragon, you’re hyper-aware of every movement. The crew watches closely, ready to offer guidance. You grip the handles tightly, adrenaline coursing through your veins, and for a brief moment, you lose yourself in the character, feeling the thrill of the scene.
But then it happens. The Buck jolts unexpectedly, throwing you off balance. Time seems to slow as you feel yourself slipping. You try to brace for impact, but it’s too late. You land hard, the pain shooting through your ankle as it twists at an unnatural angle.
There is a stinging sensation too, by the side of your head, and all you think is – oh fuck. The world around you fades to a blur, just as chaos erupts.
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When you finally regain consciousness, the sterile scent of antiseptic fills your nostrils. Your surroundings come into focus slowly, and your heart races when you realise you’re in a hospital room. The steady beep of a monitor is the only sound, punctuated by the faint rustle of fabric.
You feel his hand on yours before your eyes even land on his figure, slumped on a chair beside your bed. His head rests on his shoulder, his grip still lightly holding your hand. His brow is furrowed in worry, even in sleep. 
You feel lightheaded, and for a moment you worry that your concussion might be worse than it is, but no. It's just him. 
Then, the sound of your movement catches his attention. He stirs, his eyes fluttering open, and when he meets your gaze, relief instantly washes over his features. 
“Love… you’re awake.”
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Some notes in the margins...
Well, well, well. Yous were convinced that Matty would get the clubbing scene, helped by the red herring of his dancing video. Alas!
Is that Matty at the end there? Or a certain Mitchelly man? Hmm... one wonders. 💖
Complaints? Refund requests? Please direct your thoughts in the comments section below. I can 100% guarantee a satisfying solution. Or 70%.
Or, you know, bugger it. We're all in this together, better or worse ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥
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starchbean · 3 days
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Y'ALL
Scummies--c'mere. Closer. CLOSER
WHY ARE YOU HOLDING OUT ON MEEEEEEEEEEE?!?!
I just learned about the Cakeverse. We NEED to make SVSSS fic for this! There's like ONE FIC and it's in Italian and I have a cousin but I CANT READ ITALIAN PLEASE CHAT DO IT FOR MEEEEE
**to clarify, I don't mean read the Italian for me, I NEED YOU TO WRITE SVSSS CAKEVERSE
Of course I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't at least offer a little something of my own, so here's the bit:
Shen Qingqiu was a fork, and everyone knew it. The readers of Proud Immortal Demon Way knew it. The Peak Lords and disciples alike of Cang Qiong knew. Hell, even people from other sects had heard the rumors about the Qing Jing Peak Lord.
As for Shen Yuan, the first few months of experiencing it had been really demoralizing! And worse–the cute little white lotus protagonist himself had taken the initiative to cook his meals, and he wouldn’t even be able to taste them at all! How could he appreciate them properly?! Luo Binghe knew this, and STILL he put his whole effort into cooking his best meals for his teacher. Ah, truly there was no disciple more filial than Binghe! 
If nothing else, Binghe’s cooking had been pleasing to look at, and the hot steam that wafted up from it felt soothing on Shen Qingqiu’s face, so of course he would eat it. He wasn’t going to waste food, okay?! He knew he was immensely blessed to experience Binghe’s cooking on any level at all. Still, it would have been nice to not leave the flavors to his imagination.
Thankfully, today’s breakfast brought a breath of hope to the poor transmigrator that caused him to shed a tear of joy behind his fan. It seemed his old sense of taste was starting to come back to him after all! Perhaps the System just needed some time to adapt Shen Qingqiu’s body to better suit its new occupant. 
The flavor wasn’t much, just a hint of something in the dough, vaguely sweet like icing. Thinking about it, it made sense that the power of the Protagonist’s cooking was enough to pierce through even the Scum Villain’s taste buds! At this rate, maybe he could avoid the original Scum Villain’s fate as a human stick for almost devouring Binghe after accidentally tasting his blood at the Immortal Alliance Conference! 
.
Luo Binghe eagerly watched as Shizun ate his breakfast with an intense glint in his eye. He knew what he was, and what he had done to his beloved teacher’s food this morning. It wasn’t much. He had just pressed a little kiss to each of the buns before cooking, but the effect of his saliva was just enough. Shizun did taste it, Binghe could tell. Shizun wasn’t reacting aggressively and seemed not to suspect Binghe at all. Maybe he would add something a little more of himself next time. Something that would prickle all of Shizun’s senses. That sounded delightful indeed.
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in1-nutshell · 3 days
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Can i request mtmte Simpatico, the youngling, getting kidnapped by the djd? What would happen? Will they survive?
I nearly had to do a double take reading this. Poor little Simpatico...
Hope you enjoy!
Simpatico's encounter with the DJD
SFW, Platonic, Familial, Slight Angst, Cybertronian reader
MTMTE
Simpatico, like every bot, had a bad habit that they couldn’t seem to shake off.
Some of the habits were more manageable, like Rung’s sweet tooth for rust sticks.
Other habits were a bit more ingrained, like Brainstorm and Perceptor’s time in the lab affecting their sleep schedule.
Simpatico’s habit was a strange one.
They could sleep at will anywhere at any time.
From sleeping in the vents to sleeping on top of Chromedome’s shoulders.
It also didn’t help that they were THE heaviest sleeper on the ship.
At Swerve’s… Simpatico was drinking some of their energon while talking to Chromedome and Whirl. Whirl: “I don’t believe you.” Simpatico: “You don’t think I can?” Whirl: “I bet…” Whirl quickly looked around. Whirl: “If you really sleep on command, I’ll personally get some of those energon goodies that Brainstorm has.” Simpatico thinks for a minute. Simpatico: “And pray tell, how are you going to do that.” Whirl swings an arm around Chromedome. Whirl: “That’s why Chromedome’s here.” Chromedome: “Wait what? I didn’t agree to this.” Whirl: “Too late. You in Sim—” SLAM! Simpatico’s face hit the bar counter, their entire frame suddenly going lax, with soft snores following. Whirl blinks. Whirl: “I did not see that coming.” Chromedome sighs as he carefully scoops up Simpatico in his arms. They were still sound asleep in the mechs arms. Chromedome: “Just wait until they wake up in a couple of hours. You better have those goodies.” Whirl: “And like I said, that’s why you’re here.” Chromedome: “…I should have stayed in the habsuite with Rewind…”
It had been a stressful couple of weeks on the Lost Light.
The ship was getting repairs on one of the engines from some large space debris.
The lab was getting washed after Brainstorm decided to experiment with some sort organic slime and to make a long story short, the slime had some corrosive properties.
Because of this experiment, it caused a fight between Brainstorm and Perceptor.
Leaving poor Simpatico confused and alone.
Brainstorm: “I say we move it back!” Perceptor: “We have to move it forward!” Brainstorm shoving his helm into Perceptor’s helm harshly. Brainstorm: “Back!” Perceptor pushes Brainstorm back with his helm. Perceptor: “Forward!” Brainstorm: “Back!” Perceptor: “Forward!” Simpatico: “Can I say something?” Both mechs look angrily at them. Brainstorm and Perceptor: “NO!” Simpatico: “…I’m just going to go see what Chromedome’s doing now…”
After the worse of the fight the two mechs refused to talk to each other.
Simpatico couldn’t sleep at night after that fight.
A whole 2 weeks later and the youngling was running on fumes.
Thank Primus for caffeinated energon.
But even that was starting to lose its effects.
Eventually after doing an inspection around the lower deck, Simpatico saw a lovely, quiet crate with their name on it.
They crawled inside the empty crate and turned off their comm line.
If someone wanted to get them, they were going to have to come downstairs and get them.
The youngling was out like a light.
A trap door underneath one of the floor panels slowly opens. Out comes out the leader of the DJD, Tarn, Tesarus, and Kaon. Kaon: “I didn’t think that would work.” Tarn: “Well it didn’t. We were supposed to enter to the upper deck. Not the lower deck!” Tesarus just looks around and spots some crates. Tarn: “How are we supposed to offline Megatron without triggering the alarms and making a scene!?” Tesarus: “Why wouldn’t we want to trip the alarm?” Tarn: “Because I don’t want a certain minibot to slap my helm right up my—” Tesarus grabs the crate with Simpatico. Tesarus: “Let’s just take this crate and think of a new plan later. Helex and Vos are going to beam us any minute now.” Tarn: “That’s… not a bad idea. Forgive me for the shouting.” Tesarus: “Please, after you Tarn, Kaon.” The DJD members slipped back into the floor panel and teleported back to their ship, flying fast and far away from the Lost Light. Somewhere on the ship… Chromedome suddenly gets the chills. Rewind: “You okay?” Chromedome: “Something just happened… Something bad…”
Back on the DJD’s ship…
The team was currently getting the scolding of a lifetime.
Why?
Because Kaon opened the crate revealing a sleeping youngling.
A youngling blissfully unaware that they were currently with the most feared group of Decepticon’s in the universe.
The mech’s were surprised to see a seemingly unaligned bot sleeping in the crate, and one that was a heavy sleeper.
They began to discuss what they were going to do with the youngling when Nickle came in and saw the youngling.
Tarn is still not sure how the youngling did not wake up from Nickle’s scolding.
She swiftly told them to get the youngling to somewhere safe and where they could call for help.
Tarn tried to reason with the minibot, but her word was law.
… and the last time he went against her word, Tarn found several sharp ended bolts up… some rather uncomfortable places…
The ship hadn’t even docked on the nearest planet before Tarn kicked the crate off the ship.
The crate bounce around the dusty terrain before coming to a full stop.
Simpatico was still sound asleep.
Meanwhile on the Lost Light… Most of the scientist and engineers are looking around the clock for any sign for Simpatico’s signal. Brainstorm was in the lab getting some weapons in top shape, getting ready for any battle that could come. Perceptor is on the main deck with the officers. Rodimus: “What do you think the DJD could have been doing on the lower decks?” Megatron: “Probably for an ambush.” Rodimus: “But why take Simpatico?” Magnus notices Perceptor flinching a bit. Magnus: “Rodimus—” Megatron: “There could be a number of reasons why.” Magnus: “Megatron please—” Megatron: “For example, hostage situation, but they would have broadcasted something by now.” Rodimus: “What about an exchange?” Magnus: “Both of you—” SLAM! Perceptor slams his servo on the desk. Perceptor: “SHUT IT!” Everyone: “…” Perceptor sighs heavily: “Our priority right now is finding Simpatico. Not to guess what they… they are…” PING! Perceptor’s neck turns so quickly half the bots int eh room are convinced he snapped it. It was a video call from Brainstorm. He opens the call. Perceptor: “Brainstorm what have you—" Brainstorm: “I FOUND THEM!”
One of the tracking devices Simpatico still hadn’t picked out gave the Lost Light a location was to look.
Everyone knew it wasn’t wise to get their hopes up.
They all knew what the DJD was capable of.
It didn’t take them long to get to the planet.
The crew was half expecting Tarn to be out in the open with his team, but there was no sign of the Cons anywhere.
Perceptor and Brainstorm were one of the first ones out of the ship.
The crew looked around for a bit, all of edge in case of an ambush.
Perceptor was the one who found the dinged-up crate.
The pair slowly walked to it.
There seemed no sign of the crate being tampered with or an explosive attached to it.
Brainstorm’s servos shook as he slowly opened the lid of the crate.
The pair was mentally preparing themselves to find their sparklings remains.
But no, Simpatico was there, completely unharmed sleeping.
Simpatico slowly opening their optics. They look up to see a distraught Perceptor and crying Brainstorm. They slowly start blinking the sleep from their optics and slowly get up. Suddenly they get yanked upwards, and two chassis start squishing them. Simpatico: “Stormy? Percy? What’s going on?” They feel something wet falling down their helm. They don’t know which one is crying harder. Probably both. Simpatico: “Guys?” The crying continues. The youngling temporarily gives up and gently rubs circles on their parents’ servos in comfort. Whatever just happened it must have spooked them badly if Perceptor was openly crying with Brainstorm.
When they get to the ship, Brainstorm puts more tracking devices on Simpatico’s plating.
Perceptor hovers around Simpatico for 2 weeks.
His partner does it for 2 months straight before Chromedome and Rewind had to step in.
Simpatico was temporarily not allowed to go around the ship by themselves without a trusted bot with them.
Whirl is banned from this list.
The youngling also gets more sleep studies done.
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Simpatico, seen here sleeping while everyone is loosing their minds
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gifti3 · 5 months
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Im reading through the "how to survive as a maid in a horror game" and realizing that korean uses gender neutral pronouns thats why the translations sometimes get confusing if you use a machine to translate most of it
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ganondoodle · 14 days
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(idk if anyone wants to keep hearing my opinions on totk book stuff but-)
apparently it says that rauru DID have kids, multiple even, which yeah... is kinda necessary for zelda to even be connected to them so much so that sonia can SENSE a blood connection (which, even with all the excuses with magic, is just a little too far for me to suspend my disbelief bc its over, OVER, ten thousand years worth of generations that seperate her from them that one lil touch of the hand can sense that (feels more like an attempt to make you care about them or .. see them as zeldas "better" parents just bc they exchange a few nice words, i never got the feeling they were 'better' parents and its also kinda disrespectful to her actual parents, like sure rhoam wasnt the best but i wouldnt call rauru better just bc he was polite)- i could see maybe the light power of hylia or sth but since its the coolest dude that ever lived rauru now that had it which still doesnt make sense and makes me unreasonably annoyed and she can sense BOTH of their powers in her? nah) the fact theres NOTHING about them in the game itself is just so ... no way they planned any of this
i dont think theres anything they can do or say that wont make be believe they either
are making it up alla 'fix it in post' mentality trying to hastily explain stuff the game never bothers to do to try and appease fans or let it appear as if they thought about it at all
something went really REALLY wrong during development, which kinda seems likely given how the game turned out (im sorry i cannot let go, its not just the writing, the game design too and how little was changed in the map while being so damn expensive, i dont know how people dont feel scammed q_q)
given that they (allegedly) spent the last entire year of development on polish (where??? where????? huh??? like it would make it more understandable (EXCEPT for the price) if there was alot of trouble, which was also bc it got delayed and ... turned out like this, but they dont want to say it, especially given their reputation, with that quote i have heard way too many times 'a delayed game blah blah') i just??
are they just gonna go and do it like they did with kashiwa (kass)? "they uuuh where flying around the whole time ony cool sonau tech maschines, you just dont see or hear from them ooooorrr they were uuuuh out of the country at the time" (sending invitations to other continents to join their glorious kingdom ;) )
(bet they are also gonna say they did all the stuff like ... moving the shrines around (lol?) and lifting the islands up into the sky- which is still weird bc ... didnt they also say they were living in the sky before coming to the surface?? so where?? did they park all their islands on the surface and the mystery kids had the keys so they had to repark them back into the sky after they returned off camera?? xD also why are the islands so different as an environment if they where from the surface? like even the STONE up there is different- and if they were first in the sky then on the surface and the nback in the sky .. why is there not a single yellow tree or grass in the past- you cant really argue that it changed bc they were up there so long bc .. nothing else changed, the suddendly and totally always there sonau buildings are largely in prime condition, only some slightly moldy, and what we see of the glorious past looks barely any different from the present, aside from like ... some standard trees shuffled, no castle yet and that glowy uwu filter DESPITE that stupidly long time frame between it)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#idk if others feel like that too but i cant shake the feeling there was something that either went horribly wrong during development-#-or the entire thing was neglected the whole time which is why its so .. i hesitate to even call it bare bones#...which is WILD given that its the supposed sequel to their best seeling zela game#like wtf where you doing#i get that the pressure can be immense but imo it wasnt that hard to make a sequel to thats better than totk#like i think it was harder to make totk like it is NOW bc it scraps and throws away so many things you could have easily used-#-as sequel material#its all so weird to me#my tin foil hat theory is still that they saw the success of the mario movie and immediately shifted everything to make more movies#bc it made so much money#and a movie is easier to make than a good game#so totk or botw2 at the time got the short end of the stick#which is why everything feels like .. so ... bare bones .. untested .. unfinished .. non sensical...#like an alpha build that got enough visual polish to look like a full game when its still an alpha build at its core#some main ideas like the abilities implemented and the basic map layers#mechanics functioning but untested on how it feels to play#like the sage controls and arrow fusing and ... contradictory game mechanics that dont work together#like the bulding WORKS but its clunky and underused- everything can be cheated so easily you dont even feel good cheating-#-bc it feels like the teacher just allowed you to mark your test with a green circle and you still got an A (or however USA grades work)#despite not even reading the questions- why attempt to solve a puzzle if you can just skip it#and how they tell you to be creative with it yet creativity gets punished and only efficiency is rewarded#which completely undermines the entire thing#...theres so much more you know i have ranted about it all before#ALSO rauru and sonia seemed like a rather newly wed couple to me- not one that had multiple kids that never appear-#since it only mentions rauru ..... if its only his then ... that doesnt explain anything bc zelda needs both sonia and rauru dna#................do sonau leave eggs to incubate somewhere heavenly or sth#watch out the springs where built to hatch rauru eggs bc they need the gods holy blessing bc they are oh so holy to hatch
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puppyeared · 10 months
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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mariemariemaria · 9 months
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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality
#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh#like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good#but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees#the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support#and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well#like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people#maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a#whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously#women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women#or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak#like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years#but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people#i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse#drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles#+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries#and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation#isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote#*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now#and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad#but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing#and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol
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butchviking · 1 year
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actually 2 b honest most of my Emotional Issues rn just boil down 2 im lonely. im literally just lonely.
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eldritchmochi · 10 months
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its absolutely hilarious to me how much of coping skills involves feederism as a kink considering how much i personally hate eating
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innanzituttoticalmi · 16 days
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i'm sorry if you genuinely think bozzi and leclerc "copied the other driver/engineer's strategy" i canttttttt take you seriously
#do any of you understand how this team shit works. how this pre-race strategy meetings team shit works.#or calling this win 'lucky' be for reallllllll#i dont generally go for the block button but that should be an immediate block#its just fascinating the thought processes required to avoid admitting some of these guys are just good at their jobs#possibly better than others.#there's thoughts in me about the ways fandom 'character analysis' trends intersect with the way people talk about f1 on tumblr/twitter#while just completely forgetting or ignoring not just the competitive sports of it all but the very real ways the teams operate#did you guys know ferrari has a whole 'remote garage' of engineers in italy that tune in every race just to analyse data in real time#and feed back possible strategies to the pit wall that then get discussed and acted on based on drivers feedback?#do you GENUINELY think its just bryan bozzi leaning over fred's shoulder to copy adami's homework#you know ferrari has their very own hannah schmidt? maybe not as good as her but there's a dude in there whose job is 'tell us what to do'#maybe you could learn his name it might be helpful#sorry AND ONE MORE THING#how do you call yourself a leclerc fan and then turn around to call this a lucky win#it required outqualifying his teammate#it required taking advantage of the situation around him to jump lando at la roggia#it required sticking close to both mclarens in dirty air and taking a gamble on the early pit stop#it required 37 LAPS ON HARDS THAT NEVER WENT BELOW OR ABOVE 1:23:000 EXCEPT ONCE#and yes it required required teamwork. as most wins do unless you have a rocket under your ass (and/or don't know how to use it)#the only lucky part was lando once again fumbling the first lap and george taking himself out at turn 1#but you understand he still had to drive the rest of the 52 laps himself right. god#its too early for me to be this mad
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blissfulstatic · 9 months
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i started all of these games at wildly different times, took varying levels of breaks partway through each of them, and then finished all of their achievements in the same two days
i don't know what to do with myself now
#buenos dias short people#tunic was like. i played to maybe halfway. took a months long break#when i picked it back up i didnt remember what i was doing so i started a new file and played like a third#months long break. but this time i resumed the second file and played through to the end#the game is very cryptic but starting over gave me a handle on the mechanics and what was important#outer wilds took like four tries even though i knew it would be good i just wasnt hooked#the game is about knowledge even more than tunic like knowledge is the whole deal and it comes slowly at first#but when it hit it really hit. god damn#please play outer wilds#spyro? um. it was good#i don't know that i took any big breaks from it? there were some but a couple weeks at most#spyro levels are not particularly complex. or content rich. and i really felt that 60 hours#playing the whole trilogy all back to back can really burn you out#its a collectathon you're bound to spend a good while just wandering around to find that one last thing you missed#and i didn't know i could left stick for sparx to point out the nearest gems until like halfway through 2 so that was a time waster#im not saying it wasn't a good game but spyros moveset is like. glide fire charge and you do this for three games#until they throw in random nonspyro playable characters in 3 and they all control really bad and weird. but its still mostly spyro#i could have taken big breaks between each game and it would've been better probably but its a collection im gonna roll to the next one
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cookie-dough-writes · 7 months
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I was never really around for old fandom culture but Oh my god I feel like we need to bring some of that attitude back. Bring back the word squick, I BEG. Some times in life people indulge in questionable stuff which might make you yourself uncomfortable, that's great, it's good to know what you don't like, but some times you just have to move on. You don't need to send a paragraph to someone explainging ummm their [harmless] take was totally wrong or that they're an evil person for making something a bit questionable.
It's good practice to breathe and move on. You need to pick your battles. Telling someone to kill themself over a POST ONLINE, no matter how dodgy, just is not constructive and rarely blows off steam. Just breathe, and move on.
#its as simple as that#and tbh if some 16 year old likes bakudeku despite all the reasons of why people hate it. who cares.#guilty pleasure.#also also side note can i just mention how some people see red whenever they hear like#for example selfcest?#its literally just#probably talking to the void right now#some people get so so tense about like#small things#saving this for the tags because its delicate but some people need to just stick their head above water for a bit#I dont use terms like pro ship or anti or anti anti or whatever#because the whole debate is way bigger than those 3 terms and it feels like everyone has a different interpretation of them#okay so#some times people will enjoy questionable things. thats a given#some times that might be something simple like yandere aus and some times itll be something as complex as toxic ships.#and now let me clarify. because whenever i try and verbalise it i feel like im walking on eggshells#i am not condoning anything specifically#but i used the word complex for a reason. because quite usually there is in fact complexities to when people find things like that indulgen#so MOST of the time everyone is better off if you just go oh. squick. and move on#squicks can range from things like “i cannot see how that ship would be healthy at all. that is not pleasurable to me” to “hm no i dont lik#how this character is written by this personohh haha what if this character met another dimension version and they kissed and made out a lit#metaphor"#and people used to be chill about it but now people go crazy and i wonder if its purely just because it has cest as a suffix#same with oh what was it#objectophilia? which is literally just attraction to inanimate objects. pretty neutral right. but then when looking into it a ton of people#ALSO go crazy and ive literally seen people argue like 12 year olds that because it ends in philia its bad and distgusting and evil#???#are we just not using common sense anymore. or.#sorry im sleep deprived and im just so so tired of seeing people argue instead of living#can we all just love each other and live parralell to people we do not like
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thebleedingeffect · 6 months
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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quietwingsinthesky · 8 months
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even deserves gentle forehead kisses
#and so do i but thats another problem#dw oc#thinking about. touch in their original environment is function only. necessity when it happens.#it is not a cruel thing. or not intentionally not by those doing it that even interacts with. because even does not. as a rule. interact#with anyone ‘Important’.#they are all simply following the same patterns they were raised with and have little reason to question because of the intense isolation of#space travel. i think a lot about. the inciting incident of even leaving is Sci-Fi Problems but more specifically. the death of someone#they were both attached to and felt responsible for. their older and previously injured coworker who would not be alive without even lying#about how much work he’s doing that they’re taking care of in reality. (which is a whole other thing. really the first things to know about#even are 1) that they will willingly put themselves in a position that endangers/harms them without hesitation if it means helping. and#2) even is a liar. that is what love does to them. for better and more often for worse. if it hurts — even will lie.#AND ANYWAY WE’RE GETTING OFFTRACK HERE#but the point is that what sticks in my mind that will go into a scene if i ever write anything about this#is that when that person dies. that person who even has built their life around protecting. buying just a little more time.#when the doctor is trying to pull even away because the danger is still present they are not safe it is still a threat. instead even squirms#away from him so that they can take their friends hand and put it on their cheek. and its still warm.#this is the person they were closest to. and this. this simple thing this simple contact. this is not something even has ever felt.#and their hand is growing cold.#anyway moving on from that this is why they should get cuddles#even headbonks the doctor to show affection like a cat pass it on.
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WIP Wednesday
tagged by @mooshkat, thank you so much friend!! <3 I've had the first draft of this (which is for @the-likesofus) open for at least a week now, and I just can't bring myself to edit it (mostly because my life has been a ~shit show~ recently) anywaaaaay here's some of what will be a very late 6.14 coda :))
“I’ve got a list, if you’re interested,” she continues. “I know being set up by your old tia might not be the most attractive idea, but you’ve just gotta find the right woman.” She grabs his hand, the one not wrapped tightly around his coffee mug. He lets her keep it, takes comfort in the familiar pressure of her hand in his, and tries not to worry that this might be the last time he’ll be able to. For a moment, he feels guilty about worrying—this is Tia Pepa, his favorite aunt, the one person who has always been on his side—but then he remembers what his parents—his father—had said when he’d tried having this conversation with them at nineteen. He knows Pepa and trusts her so much, but he’d trusted his parents too.
no pressure tagging (and sorry if you've already been tagged lol) @the-likesofus @lilbuddie @shortsighted-owl @jacksadventuresinwriting @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @wheelsupin-five <3
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vaugarde · 1 year
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Playing through Explorers of the Spirit and catching up to where I was... and I'm sorry I mean no disrespect, but it really comes across like the modder never got over their beef with chatot from 10 years ago and is using the opportunity in the game to vent about how much he sucks and why the guild is bad actually
#i mean. yeah hero is meant to be an asshole and all and they get consequences for their behavior and its all meant to be uncomfortable#but im told the chatot stuff doesnt really improve. and like. im sorry he would not fucking say all that#free my man he did do things but not all that#idk i feel like people miss the point of chatot's character? hes a ball of anxiety that manifests as anger and deflection#and he tries to cover it up with pride and it only works like 5% of the time. also hes not the one behind the money rule#hes like. a higher up thats stretched super thin and is managing a lot at once and he has a shitty bedroom sldfldsf#hes under a lot of stress and it pushes him to do terrible things#but like i said earlier- its not terrible to watch because hes not seen as awesome and perfect for this#the apprentices still respect him but they make barbed comments at him and even wigglytuff is like ''ew hes lame'' during the expedition#he has consequences for his behavior! they know hes an ass and they lean into it. and thats better than nothing to me#idk. hes a complex and flawed guy. i find him compelling. i get why people may not like him tho#but its definitely weird to be like. ''oh hes a horrible man he lies by omission to manipulate you into joining the guild-#-and hes super lazy and he pawns off his work onto you and hes ruined careers and hes PROUD of it and he giggles over it-!''#you did not get the point of his character. by ''pawning off work'' you mean delegating tasks which every apprentice does#also not to victim blame or anything ig but like. damn its not his fault hero joined the guild on a whim sdlkfjsdf#idk. it comes across as really hollow to me like the author just wanted to stick it to chatot after all these years#and it makes the whole thing as like an epilogue au thing to the canon story feel less authentic to me#idk its just a mod but i feel like this is just a common thing ppl push on chatot. he sucks but not like that#echoed voice
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