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#its for how comfortable i feel how much energy i have
mohammed-swierh · 1 day
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🚨 Urgent Appeal for Help from Gaza 🚨
My name is Mohammed, and I am a husband and father of three amazing children. We live in Gaza, a place that was once filled with the vibrant energy of bustling markets, children playing in the streets, and the comforting presence of family and friends. Our city, with its beautiful coastline and historic charm, was a place where we could dream of a better future. 🥺
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But today, that Gaza feels like a distant memory. The ongoing war has ravaged our home, leaving it severely damaged and our means of livelihood shattered. What was once a place of joy and community has turned into a zone of fear, with bombings that never cease and the constant struggle to secure basic necessities like food and clean water.
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We are weary, and the daily struggle to survive in this war-torn reality has taken a heavy toll on us. The place that once gave us comfort and hope now feels dangerous and uncertain, and I worry about what the future holds for my children.
After much painful reflection, my family and I have made the heart-wrenching decision to leave Gaza in search of safety and a chance to rebuild our lives. We are trying to raise $40,000 to escape the war and cover our living expenses abroad for one year, giving us the time we need to find stability and start anew. 🕊️
Leaving our beloved home, the place where we were born and raised, is not a decision we take lightly. But for the sake of our children and the hope of a safer, brighter future, we must take this step. 😔
We humbly ask for your support. Any contribution, no matter how small, will bring us closer to our goal and help us begin the journey toward safety and a new life. 🙏
Thank you for your kindness, understanding, and generosity. 🌹
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scoundrels-in-love · 1 year
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Reminder the perfect aesthetic is exactly as much effort you are ready to put into it at any given moment .
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squeiky · 3 months
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METAL SONIC X CHAOS ZERO!!!
IN ALL THE CHARTS I COULD FIND!!
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Some of the charts got repetitive, so i cropped it.
NOTES: there may be someee minor inconsitences as sometimes id change mind my across one chart to another.
If you want an expliantion for ANY of my choices here, please ask! I am starving for conversation about this relationship- so please please please ask my questions- or just tell me your own ideas! Idk! Communicate! Your words and thoughts are not dumb!! They are very important to me and must be shared!!!
Also, some more of my thoughts + notes after the cut:
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I think my favorite charts are the first two, since the first one was pretty thourghough and easy to get whilst also including intresting and unique questions to the relatio ship dynamic. the second one i added a bit of character interaction so its really cute, and thats practically why i like.
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I particularly like the touch chart, as i really had to consider wthe physicality of these two, and the custom model was fun to make (look they're even holding hands haha). It was a bit tricky considering i had to figure out what touches where welcomed and what weren't based on previous canonical interactions, and my own theories/speculations.
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Oh, to explian the "lends clothes" and "borrows/steals clothes", i always found the neat detail of Neo Metal Sonic's wardrobe possesing a kind of.. arm warmer/bell sleeve? As well as its pants(?) Being a bell bottom.
Without the belt/butt cape, it does make metal sonics limbs somehwhat resemble the sillouette of Chaos' body, so obviously- i just figured that Chaos, if he were to wear any clothing, would probably be stolen by Metal Sonic since it already seems to be fond of that particular look that Chaos naturally has.
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Oh, and Metal and Chaos being somewhat organized is due to thier jobs and enviornment they grew up in. Eggman, being the opposite of Sonics carefree, chaotic attitude, would likely prefer more cleaner, organized or "controlled" enviornments. Thus, i feel that Metal Sonic may have picked up a few tidying or cleaning habits that were a cause of eggman simply teaching or implimenting features in his bots to prefer the "clean up" of "dirty" or "messy" areas.
For chaos, i do recall reading something (perhaps on the chao wiki) of him purifying the Altars water and keeping it relatively clean from debries and such. Furthermore, having to be sole guardian of little children chao, the altar and the master emerald, requires a lot of responsibility and- if anyone has worked with children before- it can get very messy very quickly. So its mere speculation, but i do think Chaos would have picked up many cleaning habits as well, as well as cooking/harvesting skills due to him having to take care of large batches of critters.
Surprisingly, for a creature named "Chaos", the name only truely applies to the singular instance in which he is "Final Chaos" (as thats likely what the echidnas called him during and after that time.) Turns out, Chaos is way more controlled and responsible than chaotic and carefree.
So to segway, out of the two, Metal Sonic would be way more chaotic considering its nack for stirring up trouble (CD, Sonic Heroes, Chaotix.. ect) for the heroes, as well as it not really having major responsibilites outside of its purpose to "destroy sonic" and occasionally obey whatever task eggman requires of it.
Thus, is why in the driving promps, i title it "a speeder".
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To explain the "Cognito Egro Sum" (aka. I think therefore i am) and the "infinty symbol" for the ages, er.. Metal sonic is a robot, and Chaos is an immortal being. If your being technical with it, you can say they're both relatively young, considering Chaos chao can't age and are often stuck in the form they were hatched in- despite the fact that chao do infact change as they age-
One can consider the idea that Chaos, for all intensive purposes, looks and probably is pretty young- if we apply chao logic to him.
Though one will argue "but Chaos is ancient" which is true, but his case is similar to Shadow's as he was trapped in that Master emerald for... millions of years............. so, similarly to how shadow was stuck for 50 years yet remains a teenager both inside and out, Chaos- for whatever age he was before he got trapped, probably still thinks and acts like that, as well as Tikal. Except now they probably need a LOT of therapy.
^hence why i put chaos's sleeping habits as "sleeps poorly" and "sleeps to little". In hindsight, being trapped in a emerald for thousands of years, with your freind of who's father killed your entire* family and burned your house (altar) down and tried to steal your most precious item (master emerald) and being the girl whos stuck with your freind(?) who killed your entire bloodline and basically genocided your entire community- stuck with him for THOUSANDS OF YEARS- is.....is going to require a lot of therapy.
So y'know, bad sleeping problems. Also probably why i depict Chaos hugging a lot + being affectionate, since being deprived your community that is entirely reliant on the concept of "caring, loving, and nurturing one another" (cause.. the opposite of that means chao will basically die upon reincarnation), for thousands of years is... a good recipe for touch starvation and a need for attention.
^hence why chaos is also on the attention side of some charts.
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^ just conintuing off of that previous statement, i did move Chaos closer towards "extrovert" in the "extrovert or introvert" prompts, as since Chaos, unlike Metal Sonic, deals closely with many chao, and often is surrounded by a crowd of them, i do believe that Chaos would have to atleast gain some energy from social interaction in order to surivive that every day, without burning out.
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The whole "who talks more" thing is kind of funny because, technically, its metal sonic (see Sonic Heroes + Sonic Free riders) who has more lines than.. Chaos's total of zero!
Meaning that, if anything, the "he said no pickles" meme would probably mean that Metal Sonic would be at the counter whilst Chaos is sitting in the back.
Though, compared to MANY other characters, these two are practically dead-silent, and would most likely rely on non-verbal ways of affection than verbal.
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Oh and the "ethical v. Immoral thing" where i emphasized that chaos was "neutral" was because by compsring him to "chaos chao", theres a dark side, good guy side, and then neutral. Considering Chaos's history of amazingly goodwilled to horrendously incidous, one can conclude that he practically in the middle in terms of ethics or morality.
Metal sonic is definetly on the more immoral side, though i wouldnt put it all the way, as i do have considering enviornmental aspects to its behavior (such as well.. being a badnik, and being constantly exposed to eggman's immoral behaviors). So, other than like, unnesecarily abusing animal freinds in CD, and throwing a ship probably full of people at sonic (Sonic heroes) there aren't many instances in which Metal Sonic does something completely immoral and unjust- without any context regarding eggman ordering it too, or simply it just doing its job as a badnik.
However those actions are prettt bad on its own- though compared to... killing out an entire species... drowning thousands of people in a city and attempting to kill eggman with a giant laserbeam... and to whatever hyjinks eggman gets up too...
Its actions seem.. relatively small (though not obsolete.)
So like, theres not going to be many issues regarding "metal sonics gotta be a good guy"/ "i can fix him🥺" mentalities, since its kind of hard to do that, when you have a kill count of a 100+ whilst Metal Sonic is still on the "i'm needlessly harming animals, and threw a boat"...
Then again, i like to think the leiniency allows for them to work on themselves together, rather than tear eachother down or hate eachothers guts.
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Transgender - both for my headcannnon, but also a refrence to it literally going "i transformed myself with my own hands" and well, i cant resist a pun/play on words now can i?
Agender- chaos dont have.. genders.
However, i thought this would change when introduced to concept of feminine and masculine models of the ancients in frontiers, but looking at Chaos, he doesnt resemble either one very much (tbh, in Sonic Forces, his model actually looks more akin to the fem version, than the pointy and sharp masc ones) and looks more akin to that of the children, if anything.
Plus, being masculine or feminine isnt really and indicator of gender anyways.. so like..???
So what? Does Chaos, gender? NOPE! Chaos isn't an ancient (thats his ancestor) and is a mutated chao. Chaos are genderless, or atleast out of that particular binary.
If Tikal showed up one day and started calling Chaos a "he/him", its likely that Chaos could've just.. adopted that. Assigned pronouns by random. Amazing.
So agender, as i can't think of anything else.
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Sexuality -idk. Look, i dont consider whomth one likes. The knowledge of my characters, or other characters sexualites comes upon me in the way preists suddenly hear the words of their gods.
I dunno, until suddenly i know. Thats just how it is.
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Ending it here cause im hungrt and cant think of anything else to chat on.
#metal sonic#chaos 0#chaos zero#metal sonic x chaos 0#metaos#shipping chart#still obssesed with that touch chart btw#like i did not realize Metal Sonic had such head-pat energy untill now#i even added an extra' lighter green to indicate where the nirvana spots are#like considering i kind of just had to guess and speculate based on minor context clues- ESPECIALLY with Chaos-#i think i did an okay job with Metal?#but damn i didnt realize how much upper body touches between these two have effected my physce. like of COURSE they'd have opposite touch-#but just seeing that stark difference is so fascinating to me. like#the no no spots make sense because these are important assets to their body inorder for them to function properly. touch a brain is danger-#-ous and touching its inner jet engine wings incorrectly may break then and ground Metal Sonic (in bird logic- that equals to death!)#but like the hands and chest thing for chaos makes some sense considering he'd have to care for chao who may have to be picked up- or#even carried in his arms- of course he'd feel comfortable there. but metal sonic who is mostly orange- would only be accustomed to generall#negative or bad touches like punches- hits- the sweet kiss of concrete scratching every once of metal off its body...#with the only generally positive ones being for mantience by eggman- thus everything is a “depends”.#but the head- the head pats- that area is the one that gets the most positive attention- especially considering eggman in the mixture#due to being tall- hed have to settle for doing head pats to give it praise- which mightve made Metal Sonic associate his head with “good-#-touch“. whilst the opposit reind true for chaos- whos body is practically impenterable except for its head (particularly its brain).#so people would attack it from that particualr region#and the vunerability and lack of defense would cause him to associate that area with “bad touch”#fun stuff!! this was super fun!!!!!!
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puppyeared · 8 months
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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bulldagger-bait · 4 days
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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acaesic · 8 months
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man. i wanna get back into multifandom stuff but at the same time i cannot feel anything for things that arent idkhow anymore :,)
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coldvampire · 13 days
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need at least 1 person to be mentally ill with in the dms about my own writing perhaps then ill be able to publish something
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complicit-rot · 3 months
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i haven't been this social & talkative in Years someone drag me out back
#rambling to myself in the tags just go ahead n pass by 🫡#u've been warned#i can feel the burnout(?) creeping up on me & its been. two days.#at least my friend is reassured i'm still in their life every few months 👍#even if i end up hating being dragged out places i know a little relief feels like a lot to other ppl#but i also just. hate being involved at all. esp if its pity but also when they genuinely want to talk with me. which sucks!#i hate thinking like that. however it just feels like the most logical path sometimes yk? after (gestures vaguely) everything?#i'm childishly obsessed with the aspect of destruction. me or them carrying it out it doesn't matter#any sort of socializing feels like grinding stone together whether or not their intentions seem as pure as possible#it feels like my socializing button is broken and my battery is locked at 2% 24/7#its not that i actively try to keep myself locked in self serving cycles to stay pitiful lord knows i hate being pathetic#i despise being miserable. it may not be Everything i know. it may be comfortable or familiar or whatever edgy shit#but it takes so much energy to have any emotion. i feel like i wrung myself dry in elementary school#ultimately i know i'm capable of Having Emotions. they're just all buried beneath 78 layers of static that don't seem to be there for other#i try to be social. even when i know Deep down i like them i end up hating every interaction. no matter how smooth or funny or whatever#i seem to have this blanket that makes everything heavier on me. i don't like being weighed down but sometimes i have to comply else#i know i'll just fucking crash out for the next however many years & end up being more hurt than i began with#<- metaphor doesn't make sense bc i ditched it half way thru but you get the point#be social to the complete detriment to my health & appease others or hurt other ppl (something i don't like doing bc i know how it feels) &#end up ''''saving'''' myself (trapping myself further. lose/lose). i wish i was completely exempt to people paying attention to me#i Hate wallowing in this fucking pity. this whole woe is me evvybody huwt me so now i feel nudding :( schtick makes me feel so weak#i like feeling strong by socializing. sometimes i get this litttlee inkling of maybe i should try & put myself out there More but it always#comes with the same results. one of these days surely it'll change (<- bearer of the curse) (<- but still has hope despite denying it)#yes i'm in therapy yes i'm working on my social capacity slowly instead of getting my boundaries ran over at top notch speed by my abusers#sometimes i need to say the self pitying shit out loud to knock me to my senses & be like 'if a friend said this i'd criticize them'#'if anybody else thought that you'd cringe so hard and be filled with That Specific Misery you feel & hate so much' ohhh right. my bad
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asbestieos · 2 years
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hm... lemme see what i can do thinking face emoji... SORRY IF THIS IS BAD BTW i am running on. 4 hours of sleep thumbs up emoji. PLEASE ENJOY UR ASTATATSUS <3 !!
all things considered, you might be one of the only few people who can get tatsumi to stop working and relax.
it's something that is so ingrained into his being–the need to be useful, to not be a burden–that he is willing to neglect himself to the point of exhaustion just to make sure he isn't putting extra pressure on others. it may be a byproduct of his experiences overall, and reimei did nothing to help that awful habit.
it may have even exacerbated it, honestly.
he needs to be productive, lest he falls into a vice of his–overthinking.
he knows, theoretically, that trusting his own thoughts is a mistake. because no matter what direction his thoughts lead, he will always, always be the villain in the end.
oh, he knows what people see him as. kazehaya tatsumi, the idol. kazehaya tatsumi, who is a genius. kazehaya tatsumi, who people can look up to. kazehaya tatsumi, kazehaya tatsumi, kazehaya tatsumi. and he feels like a fraud, because that's not who he is. he wishes he could give up all pretenses and simply be the tatsumi seem to love so much.
asta's tatsumi, he thinks sometimes, in his most desperate moments. that's who i want to be. asta's tatsumi.
it's why he puts so much effort into your dates.
a time when he can just be himself. a time when he can be with you. his asta. he needs it to be perfect.
of course, you're bound to pick up on his anxiety and that moment when you take his hands in yours, that beautiful smile on your face–one that he's come to cherish–as you tell him, i'll love anywhere we go, anywhere you take me. because it's you who's with me, tatsumi swears his heart stops.
he doesn't need to be perfect, is what you're telling him. he just needs to be himself.
and so those outings are born.
outings where, if you're seeming too stressed or exhausted for his liking, tatsumi drags you out to do something. window-shopping dates, café dates, library dates–you name it. it might be with the rest of alkaloid, or it might just be with you two, but no matter what, you can guarantee that he's always by your side.
you come to adore these moments of fun.
he would follow you to the ends of the earth, tatsumi thinks, but it's nice to be the one leading sometimes.
and when tatsumi's mind keeps spinning and spinning and spinning and he's near either a breakthrough or a breakdown, seeing you smile and offer him a hand as you tell him, let's go do something fun, okay? is a blessing.
he thanks whatever deity was lucky enough to give him you, and prays he's never foolish enough to let you go.
now that its valentines day, i will post this for everyone to see how slay rezes writing is GRHRGRHRGEHRHR DO YOU SEE THE ATSAYTASUYS THEYVE WRITTEN FOR ME . DO TOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS HAS SAVED ME FROM THE BRINK OF TEARS WITHIN THE PAST WEEK 💞💝💖💕💖💝💗💖💞💕💖🥹🥹🥹
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mostlikelyshutup · 1 year
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to feel sad about never writing poetry anymore while also knowing that writing poetry was a reprieve from dark times and thoughts, y'know?
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abyssalpriest · 1 year
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#I have. A shit tonne to say on this song. About how it was one of the last songs in one of my ex's meditation playlists#And generally I get a little freaked out when I hear songs like that that he listened to but like... This one for some reason means so much#to me. It reminds me of sitting there - he'd lie in my body perfectly still not moving at all for like an hour - in the freezing cold room#bc we'd never use the heater and the window would be open 24/7 and the stars were just above our head#and I'm like............. This is........................#This song is...... That recollection shouldn't be so comforting because in any other situation and in any other context those nights#and my ex forcing me to lie still to Try And Astral Project while he would be stopping me#And being stared at by thousands of eyes is horrific#But this song conjures something and means something and#IDK what the full reason is but this feels like connecting to Leviathan in those years. To get to the point.#I'm still not conscious of what he was talking about and I guess that's natural bc I wasn't conscious of it then but I know#what energy he's talking about like. I may not have known he as a Being was there but I remember it and it's this#Despair //#Energy#ramblings //#This feels like him back then. I feel like.... Some fucking part of me saw him there and some fucking part of me knew.... I guess that's#literally true but... Its so.... Blurry.#Actually no I think these are weird fucking astral memories bc I shouldn't have snapshots of Seeing him like what's in my head#blurry cryptid looking ass. Affectionately. Fuck. No that adds up because I already knew these years were me waking up more#and more in the fucking astral jfvzhshsjs holy shit no hold on wtf#What it feels like and looks like would align EXACTLY with brief barely conscious waking up out of my body and seeing him#and then passing out again - just heard him say I've come a long way I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES#Fucking hell. Yeah it feels exactly how the astral feels goddamn. Just. Hi now I know who you are. Mr Hat Man#Leviathan //#Music#Spotify
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manlymothman · 1 year
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sigh
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mikoriin · 1 year
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sometimes its hard to think my art will really reach enough people to fulfill my dream
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skenpiel · 1 year
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as your bestie who has been a furry for majority of her life and enjoys furry character design,,,,,,,,,,,, i can try helping you if that's okay!!! there's still ways to be interesting even if what you got is a simple brown/white kitty <3
i love you i love you i love you tori you are the coolest fuckinng guy in the whole world and i would blow up the heavens for you youre mmy best friend in the iniverse and i love you one million angels singinf a heavenly choir for you. share with me your beautiful mind
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#delete later#im so exhausted and stressed. theres such a lack of stability and its freaking me out SO much. im just constantly tense and waiting#for something terrible to happen. im starting to think that im not gonna get to go to the entomology thing ive been hoping#how i can't do things independently and i must have been forced into this abd rhen it'll get cruel towards my friends abd i cant#and my aunt is getting worse abd my parents are waiting for me to fail abd have to move bsck with them which i can't do bc#to go to for months bc ill probably need to use that time off for preparing to move. which sucks. ive been looking forward to it#i was letting myself get my hopes up and that was a mistake bc now im rly disappointed. im hoping i can go but honestly#idk if it'd be financially responsible. same with comic con. its in october so i can probably go but it might not be a financially#good idea. it just. the things i was counting on to be stable sources of joy are not stable anymore and that's making everything worse#and im tryinh to be positive but im so anxious. theres just so much. i need to think about packing and try to figure out#how im going to move 1-2 hours away. how am i going to coordinate with movers whilst having to get the train to meet them#im disabled and cabt help move things so only getting one person ro deliver worries me. movers arent insured to take ppl with them#theres just SO MUCH. And i can't view properties easily bc of work so im missing out on multiple places that ive been contacting#ppl about abd i couldnt line up enough for last week when i was off bc it was too short notice and i just. its TOO MUCH TOO MUCH#im overwhelmed. im trying to think of the food im gonna cook when im there ahd the armchair im gonna buy#im gonna eat so much fucking lamb and fish oh ny god im excited for THAT#i wany to just go for the shittiest place to at least have some stability and bc i still have yhat kernel of thought that i dont#deserve comfort but im trying to fight it bc i do. i deserve somewhere nice and its unfair on myself not to find somewhere nice#especially as ill be living alone. i cant go for places that have no natural light or are four stories up or are a mile away from the train#station bc that will wreck my mental health and i wont have ready access to socialising that can stabilise me. gotta be fair#to myself. but THATS PROVING REAL DIFFICULT#im doing good saving though so thats nice i guess. fuck me moving is expensive. moving when you've got zero kitchen supplies is#even more so. gonna be an Interesting first couple days in the new place.#it will be. very bad. they keep texting me asking about it and i have to be positive bc otherwise itll become a conversation about#field all that shit when im like this. i just cant. that requires so much fucking energy i dont have. and i wont move back#id frankly rather die. and trying to not say that and decline politely sucks. bc they get the look of#oh we're not good enough huh#and i can't field their fucking feelings. i either need a pause button or a fast forward. id take either one#so many of these tags ended up out of order whoops. but these arent meant to be read anyway#i just need to scream bc idk what else to do
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falinscloaca · 7 months
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brain. please.
#its 'sleep debt' i'm like 90% sure but i'm in such an easily uh. reactible? triggerable???? my brain sees stimulus and starts slamming#buttons.#i'm fully composed just like - i saw some furries that looks similar to character featured in NOT BAD but emotionally challenging (to my#personal foibles the art itself was quite wholesome) art that lives rent free in this one out-of-the-way but easily-seen-in-passing part of#my brain and my heart just sank like a fucking ROCK lmao#followed by the actually rather excited (because i don't actually bear the particular art i was reminded by ill will) going to figure out i#it was The Same Artist - wasn't! made sense the masc one was much better put together#for the record the other art was characters wholesomely discovering their sexualities to be Different than they previously knew.#of course my gender/sexuality ocd self hears that and feels like she's being boiled alive ha-ha~!#significantly more offended that a sicko from the *other* side of the fence saw it though and thought#'oh this will go great in the same pool as a load'a dykebreaking crap!!!' ITS CUTE AND SWEET AND THEYRE TEXTUALLY BI ASSHOLE#like one of the images is poorly worded who cares jump off a cliff#(found the art looking up 'insert normie term for gnc masc x gnc fem' stuff i wasn't even trying to gaze at THAT abyss)#....lowkey hate it that aesthetically a solid chunk of my preferences are trapped in 'femboy x tomboy' art like...#bro those aren't the genders i want/need sdhgdsklsgdhlk i can close my brain and pretend its not what the lore says but how fucking hard is#it to find decent sapphic art with trans women in it where they AREN'T big boobie breasted transitioning-like#(i literally have ocs that are t4t lesbians who are virtually indistinguishable not-being-furries-aside from some of the art i've found its#god it fucking kills me i need to get more comfortable drawing for PLEASUREEEEE AAAAAAAAAAA)#but those sorts of 'noone quite makes what i wanna see. i wanna draw it.' moods ALWAYS JUST FUCKING GO AWAY ONCE I GET MORE ENERGY IN ME TO#DO THINGS!!!!! I'M ONLY CREATIVELY ENERGIZED WHEN IM FUCKING NAPPING WHEN I'M AWAKE ITS EITHER HYPERFIXATION OR BIDEO GAMES#AND LIKE. I HAVE LONG TERM ART PROJECTS IN THE HYPERFIXATION ZONE. BUT THAT ISN'T THE FUN SHIT I COULD BE DOING IN THE MEANTIME#-WHICH'D ACTUALLY HELP PRACTICE FOR THE BIG LEAGUES!!!!!!!!#god i'm getting a headache. wanted to get to bed early today. its still early for me despite being 1:00 but like STILL phooey
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