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#its just efficiency okay
goblinenvy · 10 months
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Some dyke at work rocking that double carabiner look. Its me. I'm some dyke.
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anti-dazai-blog · 7 months
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actually I need bsd to introduce Niccolò Machiavelli and Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. and to give them a sibling or parent/child dynamic.
But most importantly I’d need them to have matching abilities. Let The Prince and The Little Prince be an inverse of each other.
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slugandthorn · 1 month
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Putting my journal down realizing maybe I shouldn't make a written plan to socialize more efficiently
#.txt#Is efficiently the right word. Diary entry incoming.#Going back and forth in recent days with feeling okay with one sided social stimulation and that's just kind of how my brain works#And recognizing I will not look like a well rounded person because I'm not able to maintain other people's interest in an acquaintanceship#It is likely. At least some part due to like labor isolation and all I do is work I do not have life events to interest people#All I can talk about is video games but incredibly limits the social pool because I like bad games.#And also to some degree distrust and the assumption my presence is unwanted. Which I've been working on a lot!#Today in particular is probably just a bad day.#And I have been very focused on life plans for the past week or so which has become very daunting#Planning on starting a business this year. Which is probably why I'm stressing about being able to reach people.#As it will become financially relevant and not just a personal failing I have accepted.#Reasonably it is probably a therapy thing to address being so afraid of other people. But I do not want to go to therapyyyy I'll do it.#Myself.#Normally.#Not dipping into woe is me I have no one territory at least as bad as I did when I was younger. Recognizing a pattern that I am enacting.#My responsibility to improve. Yada yada. I just wish it was a bit easier to feel my like. Presence.#And the constant improvement mindset straying into never good enough is very difficult to avoid.#And it's not a matter of being a good enough person to have close relationships. But I think its easiest to ascribe personal failure#When you are unable to do something. Well the most likely culprit is probably never leaving the house and being undiagnosed.#Which I can arguably do things about.#Also I'm tired. But I'm going to work on my resume tonight anyway and hope tummy pain passes and maybe talking to people will be easier#Another day.
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aro-aizawa · 1 year
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genuinely wish that people truly understood the severity of memory issues, especially when the person is neurodivergent because oh boy is it so scary and annoying and frustrating. i want to grab everyone i meet by the shoulders and specifically emphasize just how bad my memory is effected by two different issues (depression & adhd)
like i'll have had a passing thought about something, and like ten minutes later i'm like "did i do that or did i just want to do that?" like i have a ton of unconscious actions that i have to hold back a lot for example.
a very specific example is that when i read fanfiction if a character is expressing an intense emotion i'll usually replicate it myself. like if a character feel visceral disgust my body kind of replicates it as much as it can so my body will tense and shudder and i'll screw up my face. obviously this makes reading in public a risky move. because with my adhd if i want to process a story i have to focus on it 100%, and so i'll lose track of my surroundings and/or things i need to keep in mind so it's a struggle to remember i need to not do that in public.
but that's not even the peak of my issues w my memory issues because i'll have an added layer of whether i emulated what a character did if they yelled or made a loud noise because i suddenly have a weird feeling in my throat as if i did. but i have no memory of actually doing it, or whether i thought about doing it. who knows maybe my body is just doing the emulating thing and making it feel like i'd feel after yelling?? who knows!! definitely not me!!!!
and its so scary to have those moments of "i can't remember if i did that". it's like walking up a high staircase and missing a step, hitting the stairs if you didn't catch yourself in time. it's all the unconscious things that you do without thinking and having a complete blank on whether you did it or not.
it's having conversations with people when your brain is too tired and at the end of it you either have forgotten everything you talked about with them, or you have a memory that's so questionable you wonder if you made it up or not. thus having to repeat the whole conversation again. and because this isn't just a rare occasion that it happens either, you will irritate people with it. no matter how many times it happens, and no matter how much the other person tries to understand it will be irritating a lot of the time.
i feel like i have to wear a body cam 24/7 so that i can have a record of my life that doesn't rely on my memory that has enough holes in it you can use it to drain pasta. i want to have full recollection of my actions without having to backtrack like an hour to make sure that i actually did something or if i imagined myself doing it. i want everyone to understand that while my memory issues are inconvenient or annoying to you, they are terrifying and infuriating to me.
no i don't use "i forgot" as an excuse. i try to do everything i can to not use that phrase except for when i actually forget something but no one fucking notices because my memory is so shit that i say it so much. and people brush it off because that's the generic "i don't want to explain why i didn't do x so i'll just give a halfhearted excuse".
and the thing that bothers me the most is that it's never going to go away. sure maybe i'll find ways to deal with it as i get older and i work with trained professionals, but i'll never be able to manage it perfectly so it's not even there. i'll always have to deal with this terrifying aspect and i'll always have to deal with people brushing off my terror as me "being lazy and making excuses".
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fruitsyrups · 4 months
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do you just watch random adventure time episodes at your whim or only chronological rewatches?
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ofsavior · 1 year
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one thing I want to do is challenge the dash to normalize not doing anything ‘noteworthy’ and just having fun.
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braywashed · 1 year
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Hi kids, local licensed hair person here again with another FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT USE FUCKING HE@D AND $HOULDERS UNLESS YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BECAUSE IT IS A TERRIBLE FUCKING PRODUCT THAT DOES SO MUCH GODDAMN DAMAGE AND TRICKS YOU INTO CONTINUOUSLY USING IT AND I CAN SMELL AND FEEL IT ON YOUR HAIR FROM A MILE AWAY.
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simplyghosting · 6 months
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The more I interact with little kids, the more I find parallels with dog training. Unfortunately, this does result in me pointing my finger and saying “sit” to toddlers in my very “I’m working with dogs” voice sometimes.
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616nightcrawler · 7 months
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im really bummed bc i want to work, i like working, but office work is horrible and soul sucking, and retail, which i'm good at and genuinely enjoy doing, means ill get yelled at and treated badly no matter how hard i try because i'm not good at being a person. even if i try so hard. even if everyone else says i do good work my bosses or that one bootlicker mean coworker always find a reason to hate me. i just want a simple job i can do 20-30 hours a week so i have time left over for hobbies where nobody is mean to me but that's like. too much to ask for apparently
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elegyofthemoon · 7 months
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whhh they sent me off to do one case and now im just 🧍🏻‍♂️
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ronkeyroo · 2 years
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Alright folks, so a few updates!
stuffs gotten bad over my side the past few weeks, alot of things piled up upon existing stress while the most pressing being my financial situation after all of the expenses taking care of my illness ;; I’ve been thinking up a better plan for managing a situation where I can both still work and restabilize without compromising my own existing projects or recovery so I’m gonna be setting up a steady workflow routine to ensure I do enough of both under a select amount of hours a day!
I’ll set up a small post of sketchy headshot commissions (Prices range between 65$-100$) after finishing the one I have remaining in my queue , as well as include a little donation section to anyone who wishes to tip me for my art shenanigans! ♥
On another note, after returning from a wonderful vacation celebrating my partner @juleteon​  ‘s birthday, I’m finally back online with some more brewing content~ 👀 There’s been alot of art in the working, lots of shippy stuff, artfights and giftarts as well as a part two for my latest comic! (Which broke my own heart and is a MUST to continue for a better ending or else ill impload gfjgdn) ON TOP OF A COUPLE MORE WOLF TWIN ARTWORKS I PLAN ON TURNING INTO PRINTS so we can all have our sexy werewolf people decorating our walls if we want to, it can really help me out financially as well so itd be cool to just, indulge in the effort to create something to serve the community and get some good septim on the side! Regardless, i just have alot to share and hype with you folks and im happy that im picking myself back up despite feeling so low earlier ;;
Lastly, thank you so incredibly much for everyone who reached out to me those days, who encouraged me when i was hurting and who hyped/rooted over my art these days ;_;) I never imagined coming back to tumblr will sprout such a wave of ongoing joy, friendships, and wonderful interactions...Thank you so much! Lets all get through whatever hardships we face on the way with the power of stubborn determination, plenty of rest, strategic resources, aND CAKED UP HANDSOME SKYRIM WEREWOLF MENNNNNNNN WHOOOOOOOOO---
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one of the bad things about having such low social energy/social anhedonia/little interest in interacting with others in any capacity/ Hermit Disease™ is that like.. once every FIVE months here and there I’ll get fleeting bursts of social energy and will message one or two people to catch up with old friends or etc. and then it’s like... 
tfw you message someone and then wake up the next morning to see that they REPLIED to your message so now you’re actually supposed to message them back, which is an obligation you were somehow not expecting despite the fact that YOU sent them a message 
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#I feel bad because it's like.. I know I WAS THE ONE who reached out to you but also I have depleted all of my energy stores and have like no#capacity to respond that this point.. Which usually I'll get to it in like 2-7 days and people who know me (people who I would actually#message) know this/are aware it doesn't mean anything/are okay with it so its not really a big deal but still lol#girls and squirrels i am so sorry i dont know what to tell you but I have Disorders gjhgbhj#oh same thing when someone messages me and then I respond and I'm like 'whew finally got that off the to do list! now I dont have to worry#about social interactions for the next few days' and they RESPOND to my RESPONSE within like 30 minutes of sending it#so now I'm back at the point where I owe them a response even though i JUST crossed that off my to do list ghbh#And there's some people out here who are like 'omg.. if people don't text me back in 30 minutes then they must hate me! i want to be texted#back immediately. true friends will drop everything theyre doing just to text you!! >:T' whereas I'm like#god if I reply to you and you reply back to me within less than 24 hours I'm going to scream... just give it a good 2 or 3 days.. let the#message sit PLEASE.. it's social buffer time.. let's recharge our energy... the the conov age like a fine wine#(unless it's urgent. obv if we're coordinating plans or scheduling something we both must reply promptly exactly)#AND ALS THIS IS just a caveat of text communication like I HATE text communication. another reason it's SO hard to find new friends is that#nobody wants to just talk on the phone/discord voice chat/Some Medium Of Real Time Audio Communication anymore#everyone is like.. 'oh just send short little messages through a stupid fucking chat client or text me or message me on a social media' and#it's like.................................... no........ i dont think I will#Real time communication is SO MUCH faster and more efficient like. It would take me 2 hours to type something that I could say in a 30 minut#e conversation. People who I have genuine conversations with (like 5 hour long talks) are the ones who are not afraid to just be like#'yeah i have somehting I want to talk to you about. can we schedule a phone call thursday at 10:30am?'#also like.. if you text me at 3pm I am not going to respond to the message (depending on the contents-obv will reply sooner if#urgent) probably until 3 or 4 days later. If you call me at 3pm then we're talking at 3pm for as long as you want (or as long as is practica#l - also assuming I'm not already in the middle of something etc. etc.)#Like phone calls/voice calls/whatever - are so good because it's immediate. no having to go through and spell check. I am also a rambling pe#rson with complicated thoughts and i AM INCAPABLE of having short conversations. no matter how hard I try#you send me a sentence of text and I will write back 3 paragraphs. this makes text-form communication THAT much more taxing and time consumi#ng  - whereas I can explain even really complicated things in Real time in like 20 minutes MAX when it would take 1.5hr to type and proofrea#d and etc. in text. ALSO I love that it is a Structured ONE TIME interaction. I know eactly when a phone call will start and can plan for#when it will end. Text form communications are ongoing background interactions with no clear start or end. no structure. etc.#in person/phone/real time communication is just SO much easier for my brain to process and depletes my social energy slower#. it stinks that the entire earth is slowly moving away from the only form of social interaction that is convenient to me lol.. BUT ANYWAY
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the problem with new trek having main characters and plots and not being a good ensemble show is that disco is killing off characters in huge emotional scenes and i could hardly tell you what their names are
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thinking about hestio/ephael and the "if we had a decent tank or healer, i wouldnt even have to talk to him" "does that mean you'll keep hanging out with me? :D" "oh, forget it". the "hey. take your arm off my head. take it off?" i love ephael being annoying to hestio without a care in the world + hestio telling him off + hestio is still always seen by his side + they're still stuck together like a set pair after 10+ years
#hestio/ephael#ill be real guys i keep yapping abt tes/hes bc hestio is just easier to write#but hestio/ephael is the OG like my shipping pilled brain was already putting them tgt in my head on my first read through#whatever dynamic i come up w for teshes is not going to be as funny as ephael actively doing shit that makes hestio tell him off#and then still sticking by his side anyway#and also the way ephael just openly goes 'so you'll spend more time with me? :D'#and also the way that you can tell that Both of them see the other as part of themselves#the whole 'if you keep being formal w us we wont be friends w you anymore' scene#hestio saying WE and speaking for ephael and ephael not objecting to that at all even tho its clearly his first time hearing abt this plan#okay !#damn i shouldve written some ephael/hestio before i started on tes/hes#its the way i had to brainwash myself into 'ok so hestio being hopelessly in love has to be a core part of his characterisation for any#of this to work'#but for ephael/hestio it's literally already right there#sniffles. i wonder how they became friends when their temperaments are so different#its also so cute how theyre so different but they share the same views on a lot of small things and important things too#peas in a pod.... but also light/dark colour scheme... waow....#the thing is that theres absolutely no central story beats that i can think of for a ephael/hestio stoty#theyre just chilling and being funny little guys#and if i bring tesilid in. wtv story im trying to tell would be much more effectively and efficiently written using a monogamous r/s#sadge.....
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bookdragonideas · 1 month
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Here's the thing. I'm a girl, and as a girl, I really like it when girls are portrayed in fiction. Especially fantasy.
But so much fiction/fantasy mixes up 'girls' with 'unstoppable forces of female badass' and there's not necessarily anything wrong with having a character who is an 'unstoppable forces of female badass'. But it gets old real quick. And it is not the same as portraying normal girls, or having good female characters.
And that's one of the many reasons I love Avatar the Last Airbender.
Because all the girl characters have flaws and weaknesses and sometimes act like idiots or jerks. They get emotional and make mistakes. They lose fights or arguments or are just wrong sometimes. Some of them are amazing warriors, and some aren't. Some are powerful or special and some are normal, with nothing special about them.
And I Love that.
I was around the same age as Katara when I first watched Atla. And I instantly connected with her as a character. I loved her optimistic attitude and her fighting spirit. And I could relate with her anger, and with her maternal instinct. I admired her fighting skills of course, but I loved how the show portrayed her compassion and kindness, the way she could both beat up a bunch of bullies AND enjoy a relaxing day at the spa. She was a baddass warrior that should never be crossed. But she was also a normal teenage girl who had a lot of the same internal struggles and problems that I did.
(I never connected to Toph on the same level, but I did relate to her on a few things. She's an adorable trash gremlin who would commit any crime for fun and I love that. But she struggles with being both independent and letting people help her, and I still struggle with that sometimes. I've learned that sometimes, you can help others by letting them help you.)
Yue is, in my opinion, a perfect example of a type of hero that seems to be disappearing. She is not a warrior. She is not a fighter. She's not even a bender.
Yue is a perfect princess, a perfect daughter. She is extremely feminine in a rather older sense.
And she was the only one who could save the world. She gave up everything for her people. She saved everything, everyone, the entire world. Without ever becoming a fighter.
Yue is a perfect example of a girl who was never more than a girl, and how that's okay. Not every girl has to be rough and tumble and fight for her rights in order to change everything. Sometimes it's okay to just be a quiet obedient girly girl. Sometimes that's all it takes to be a hero.
And I love that. Yue is strong in her own way. She is unique and interesting. She appears in only a few episodes and yet manages to be one of my favorite characters.
Song is another great example of this. Song is a healer in a small town. We don't see much of her but we see her compassion and empathy. She is gentle and generous. A healer not a fighter.
She watches Zuko steal her ostrich horse and does nothing.
Is that because she's kind and generous and knows he needs it more? Or is it because she's a healer girl who knows she can't actually stop those two from taking the horse? Maybe neither, maybe both. I have always thought that the scene where Zuko steals the horse and only the audience knows she saw it is one of the most thought-provoking in the series.
Suki is a badass warrior woman who is an awesome fighter and good leader. She is one of the best non bender fighter we see in the entire show. She was one of the smartest, most efficient, and powerful characters we ever saw.
She kissed a boy she had just met because she thought he was cute.
Now don't get me wrong I love SokkaxSuki. Its one of the best couples in the show.
But Suki totally did the old 'love at first sight' thing. And that is awesome. Because when she kisses him she delivers one of the best lines, not only from her, but, I think, in the entire show.
"I AM a warrior, but I'm a girl too."
Being a warrior doesn't mean that she isn't also a teenage girl. She might be a fighter, but she still gets crushes and likes to flirt with cute boys. And hey, she picked a good one. Not every boy is going to come break you out of prison.
Anyways, let's have more realistic girls in fiction. And please enjoy the next 24 hours.
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luveline · 16 days
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Hotch request! Please sir, can I have a Hotch request? I'm trying to follow what you said about comfort but also Hotch being angry. So I get low blood sugars cause of my diabetes and I'd love if you wrote something about them being on a case and BAU!Reader is really busy trying to get stuff done, so she has a bad low blood sugar and sits down but one of the local officers thinks she's slacking off so she tries to keep going and Hotch comes in and defends her, making sure she has everything she needs and doesn't faint. Love you <3
ty for requesting!! hope this is okay <3 fem, 1.3k
“I understand.” You frown, phone pressed to your ear hard. “I totally understand, but it’s really important that I get to talk to her.” 
“She’s on heavy medication,” the nurse replies, unimpressed by your asking, “she wouldn’t be much use anyhow.” 
“I understand, but–”
“Listen, I’m sorry, but we have a lot to do here. I’m sorry we can’t help. Bye.” 
You groan in frustration, bringing your phone from your ear to see the Call Disconnected notification flash across your screen. How are you and the team ever supposed to get answers if nobody wants to help? Your head rushes. You kid yourself into believing it’s annoyance like a hot flash, you’ve been sweaty for ages, but then reality cuts through. What usually makes you sweaty and dizzy?
“Where’s my test kit?” you murmur to yourself. 
The door opens while you’re looking through your bag. 
“Agent,” Officer Debs greets, a stout, sturdy woman with sharp eyes, “any news from Georgetown Psychiatric?” 
You rummage frustratedly through your things. You should know better than to misplace your test kit. Doesn’t matter. You’ll just have to eat something quickly before you get any worse. “Uh, no, nothing they could help me with.” 
“Did you call them?” 
Your eyelids are getting heavier. You sit down on impulse, worried you’re gonna fall if you stay standing. “Yeah, I called them.” You’ve had diabetes for long enough to know what to do, but it’s always harder than it felt the last time when your blood sugar drops. It can be so sudden. 
Realising you might need help, you clear your throat, about to ask Officer Debs if she can get the glucose tablets from your bag. You should’ve grabbed them —your thoughts are starting to thicken like someone’s poured cornflour into your skull. 
“Is now the best time for a break?” Officer Debs asks. 
You focus very hard on bringing your attention into the present. “No, sorry,” you say, standing up. You open your phone and direct to the contacts page, clicking your favourite contact at the very top. 
Don’t know m where test kit is, you text clumsily. Hotch should still be in the precinct. Do u have it ? 
“I hope you’re texting someone about the case,” Officer Debs says sternly. 
You shove your phone into your pocket. “Um,” you say, getting confused now, and not wanting to be shouted at. You grab for the page of phone numbers you’d been making your way through, can’t get your hands to work. “I wasn’t. But I’m getting to it.” 
“We really don’t have time to waste.” 
“I know, but my blood sugar–”
She talks over you. “What’s the point in all our officers working day and night when you FBI agents can’t be bothered to put in the same effort?” Her voice rises. “It’s ridiculous!”
“It’s not ridiculous, we’re trying our best just like you are.”
“Clearly not!” 
“My blood sugar,” you say, more insistently. “Stop shouting at me.” 
The door opens quickly, creaking hard on its hinge. Hotch doesn’t slam it open, he never slams anything, but he doesn’t hesitate either. “I have it, you left it in the car after you tested this morning,” he says, your kit in his hand. He gives Officer Debs a surprised up and down. “Who’s shouting?” he asks, unimpressed. 
You wouldn’t like to be on his bad side. “Hotch, I need a tablet.” 
If he’s shocked at your lethargy, he doesn’t say. He ignores the officer from that point on. “Yes, I think so, too.” 
Hotch is more efficient than you were, grabbing your tube of glucose tablets and shaking one out into his hand. “Can you take it yourself?” 
“You want to chew it for me?” you ask. 
He tips it into your palm. “Very funny.” 
He opens the test kit on the desk and starts to extract the pieces. It’s quite complicated, especially for people unfamiliar with it, but you’re pretty sure Hotch learned how to use it the day he knew you had diabetes. He wipes his hands with an alcohol wipe and presses a test strip into the meter, careful not to touch the end, before wiping your finger with a new wipe, and readying the lancing stick. 
“Gonna stick you, okay?” he asks quietly.
“Mm,” you hum, the glucose tablet like chalk between your teeth. 
He sticks you. Some days it feels more painful than other days, but today it’s like a pinprick in a haze. He squeezes your finger, wipes the first drop of blood with a cotton ball, and dips the test strip into the second bead of blood, careful not to jab your cut. 
In the five seconds it takes for you to get a result on the meter, he kneels down, pressing another cotton ball to your finger to stem the flow of blood. “Good,” he murmurs to you. The meter flashes on the table. “Not so good. Fifty nine, huh? How’d that happen?” 
You shake your head slowly from one side to another. “I’ve no idea.” 
“Okay. Well, that tablet’s not gonna do it, honey. Do you have any gels?” 
“No,” you say apologetically. 
“That’s fine. I’ll get you a drink.” 
Officer Debs clears her throat. You may be foggy, but her awkwardness is palpable. “I’ll get it.”
“It has to be full sugar. Coke, if you can,” Hotch says. She nods in understanding and leaves in record time. Hotch turns back to you, his severity melting away. “She was shouting at you?”
“Tried to tell her about my blood sugar. She told me we’re not here to waste time.” You close your mouth, licking the glucose off of your teeth.
“How did you get so low?” he asks.
“Must have done something wrong this morning. Am I okay?” 
“We’ll see. I think you’ll be alright.” 
“Don’t usually get so dizzy.” 
“When was the last time you were below seventy?” 
“Don’t know,” you mumble. 
Hotch peels the cotton ball from your finger and packs your things away cleanly. “Let’s see how you feel in ten minutes. After your coke. Now… what did the Officer say to you?” 
He’s getting his facts straight. Again, you wouldn’t like to be on his bad side. You relay your conversation, Officer Debs hadn’t even been that bad, just uppity, stuck on her own assumptions rather than willing to listen when you’d needed a hand. Her lack of empathy could’ve really affected you. Low blood sugar is no joke. 
You tell him, savouring in the warmth of his hand on your leg, how uncaring he is to be kneeling in front of you on the precinct floor. He frowns at you long and hard. 
By the time Officer Debs returns, he’s on his feet again. “A word?” he asks her. 
You don’t hear all of what he’s saying through the door as you sip your coke. He doesn’t shout, but he defends you with a heavy gravity. Officer Debs speaks up and he cuts her down, something about understanding, and then a more clear telling off, “I don’t want to hear about Agent L/N’s performance from you again. She’s my agent, and if she needs a break, she’ll take one. It’s none of your concern.” 
“I understand.” 
You feel much peppier when he comes back in, though he appears less so. “You’re nasty,” you say, smiling, happy to be defended, and happier to know you’re not gonna pass out.
He crosses the room. Still frowning, he takes your face into his hands, and he leans down inch by inch, until he’s pressing a soft, soft kiss to your lips. You barely have time to close your eyes before he’s pulling away, thumb pressed into your soft cheek. “Nobody gets to shout at you. Especially over your blood sugar.” 
“It’s usually you telling me off for letting it get low,” you mumble. 
He stands up straight, leaving you wanting for another kiss you won’t get, hands stolen back from your cheeks. “You’re ageing me prematurely. Drink some more coke, please, sweetheart.” 
“What do I get in return?” 
He touches your face briefly, as much of a promise as you’re going to get. 
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