#its just kind of. a huge waste of everyone's time and usually betrays some really backwards and close minded logic

[marklikely]

actually no i think the MOST insulting thing is when people are like 'ok fine bi women can be butch or femme but not if they have boyfriends!!' as if a woman is unable to have her own identity once she's dating a man

[serenadeonacanoe]

Honestly, I'd piss him off on purpose. (Namjoon x OFC)

Pairing: Namjoon x Original Female Character

Genre/Warnings: Smut, Angst, Fluff, too tired to beta

Tags: Artist!Namjoon, Yoongi and Tae are the best flatmates, Enemies to Lovers I guess... more like brats to making out in the storage unit, OFC is an idiot.

Summary:

"Wow. Is that that grumpy artist behind you? Jesus. He really looks like a bit of a dick. And you are right. He really is hot..." Oh no. Speakerphone. Namjoon was standing behind me and was staring at me. Then at my phone. He let out a little laugh, then raised his hand to wave at Tae and Yoongi outside who were now also staring at him as if frozen, before turning around in unison. As if that would help. As if he couldn't see them. Or better even... couldn't hear them.

[...]

Mister Darcy has nothing on Kim Namjoon - that new and upcoming artist you probably already heard of (You haven't? How dare you? At least have the decency to pretend you have!). He is cold, serious, and rather good at making other people believe he is a prick. Especially Elizabeth Bennet - uh... Charlotte - is about to lose it because of him. Maybe in a good way. Man, I'd literally piss him off on purpose.

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CHAPTER 1

Even the sound of my own nails rhythmically tapping on the top of the counter was annoying me. To be fair, it didn't need much today to blow my fuze that had never been particularly long in the first place. But after a week consisting of being belittled by old white men and endless hours of unpaid overtime I about had it. Welcome to the art world. You know well before you enter that the hours are horrible and the job market is more than frustrating, but you love art and you have good organisational skills, you are resilient, charming when it counts and tend to romanticize things even when you know you shouldn't. It's too late to turn around now.

"That is why I don't use an agenda or notebook. If something is important enough for me to attend I simply won't forget. I know you youngsters are all about the bullet journaling and expressing yourself by mapping out your life but it really is just another way to procrastinate instead of getting to actual work." For a second I considered throwing my damn notebook in the buyer's face, but that probably wouldn't have helped my CV and the new job I would have to look for starting tomorrow. At least I should have screamed at him a little. Mainly, that I didn't care, that I was on my period and my shitty shower in the shitty flat i shared had broken and no dry shampoo in the world had fixed my hair this morning and that god damn it, how the hell was I supposed to remember every phone number, every call my boss had to take, every art handling transport I had organized if I couldn't write it down somewhere. Instead, I smiled. Died a little on the inside and complimented him on the gift of his exceptional memory and asked whether he would like another cup of coffee.

"What a dick." Samantha murmured, more to herself than me, after the guy had finally left, which made me snort under my breath. She usually didn't say much but when she did it was usually pure gold. In the end, it didn't matter that he was. Didn't matter that everyone at the gallery thought the art he had bought from us over the last couple of months had neither been smart nor impressive purchases. Mainly expensive. And flashy.

"Doesn't matter now." I said in a sigh after a quick glance at the clock. It was Friday night and we were about to close. Since it was my birthday on Monday I had taken two days off, about the longest break I had had this year and I was looking forward to being the lazy slob for a few days I was maybe always meant to be. In silence we answered a few last emails, tidied up the desks and counters so that potential buyers that would come in over the weekend wouldn't have to suspect anyone was actually working here. - A white desk. A huge Imac on it. That was all they needed to see, folders and pens and apparently especially agendas to be hidden away in drawers.

At five to eight I threw on my coat and Samantha just gave me a tired smile. Probably happy for me, just exhausted. "Have fun then? Don't get too wasted?" "Oh..." I said with a huge smug grin on my lips. "You have no idea... gonna take a bottle of Moët with me from the bar and drink it in my bathtub after eating a huge pepperoni pizza by myself and dancing to only the finest of 90s Euro Trash." I couldn't help it, apparently, I felt it necessary to give Sam a little demonstration, waving my arms up and down while swaying my hips in a way that I'd probably would not have if it hadn't been for a bit with an audience of a single person. Or maybe two?

A quiet scoff behind me and I quickly turned around, slowly lowering my arms, Sam biting her lower lip at the sight of me standing there like an idiot in front of HIM of all people.

Men didn't have to be old to annoy me. Or white. Yes, those were the ones that pissed me off most usually, but no one had managed to do so as much as Kim Namjoon recently. And now he was standing there, looking me up and down and stopping at my hair. The crazy too-much-dry-shampoo-because-the-shower-broke-hair. "Nice." He just commented and then looked over at Sam. "I'd like to take a last look before Sunday's opening if that is okay?" I stood there, my shoulders dropping, completely ignored.

"Uhm, actually, my babysitter has to leave in about an hour and I will have to be home before that." Samantha replied and I was impressed by how calm she stayed. "Of course." Namjoon said and gave her a slight smile. "Anyone else still around? Chris maybe?" Of course Chris hadn't been in today. It was Friday and unless important guests had announced themselves the owner of the gallery wasn't around on Fridays... "I am afraid not. But maybe Charlotte has a few minutes?" Well. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I felt a little betrayed. "Wouldn't want to keep anyone from their important Moët-Pizza-Dance Party plans." Namjoon replied before I could say a word. His voice once more dropping to a hushed, deep disapproval and his hands buried in the pockets of his rather expensive looking coat. Silence for a few moments and then he just walked off towards the room his exhibition had been set up all week. Showing without a further word that I would have to stay anyways if he wanted it that way.

"Well thank you for pushing me under the bus like that. Really appreciate it." "I am so sorry. But I was serious, I can't lose this babysitter. She got Jamie to eat vegetables. VEGETABLES!" Samantha suddenly seemed in a rush, grabbing her jacket and purse and showering me in promises she would make it up to me. Even though we both knew that wouldn't happen and wasn't necessary. Suddenly having to stay longer was normal. I just hated that it had to be today. And because of him.

I heard the door close behind Sam and I stood there for a second before putting my bag down again. Usually, I would have followed the artist, asking if I could somehow help, but nahhh... my ego was bruised up enough now, especially remembering the little dance. I closed my eyes. Fucking hated the guy. Always had. Well, not quite. I had thought he was cool for about five minutes when he had come in the first time. We had heard about him for quite a few months before, I think I had even seen pictures of him at some point, but those were nothing compared to him in real life. He came in all cheekbones and sharp chin and an all grey outfit, quick pace, observant gaze. Incredibly hot. He had also completely ignored me.

That's how it had started - a bruised ego. He couldn't know that it was my weak spot. Having studied art and its management and now feeling like a better secretary at times, when my colleagues and I were doing all the behind the scenes work while Chris worked very little hours and ended up with all the money and recognition. I was aware this wasn't the only field of work where this was the case, but it still frustrated me... I had imagined my life in the last years of my 20s to be a bit more glamorous than living in a tiny apartment on the outskirts of the city... spending my Friday night waiting for some rude artist dude to leave so I could lock up.

But what I perhaps hated most about him... was that I admired him. - Purely for his art. Really. Even the fact that he kept acting as if I wasn't around every time he came in didn't mean I couldn't admit that. At least to myself. The stories behind his huge colleagues were clever and thought through, but even without context, the pure aesthetics were mesmerizing. It was the kind of art that touched something deep inside of you and standing in front of it I always had a hundred questions. Whenever he brought in a new piece I was the first one to sneak a peek in the back rooms before it was hung.

"I don't get why you have such a problem with him. He is just... quiet. I think he might even be shy... stop being so sensitive and just ask him out already." I had almost strangled Sam for that comment a couple of weeks back. Stop being so sensitive. What did that even mean? Comments like that made me want to cry and scream at the same time, which probably would have been perceived as even more sensitive, but when had insensitivity become something to strive for? I had only kept quiet because I liked Sam and I knew what she had tried to say. At least I thought so. That I might have given less of a shit if I hadn't been rather attracted to Namjoon. Even though I had never mentioned it, she just knew. She knew if I didn't care about something I didn't waste my time on it. But if something made me angry or upset there was usually more to it. I hated that she could read me that easily. But he was still a dick and I still wanted to go home.

He took his sweet time. After an hour I walked up to him, a little speech prepared in my head about how he could come back first thing tomorrow. But when he turned around he just raised a hand between us to keep me from interrupting and turned away again. I hadn't seen that he was on the phone. "No, it's nothing, just one of the gallery employees." I heard him say and okay... if I wasn't about to explode before I was now. I stood there for a minute, fuming, and then simply walked back to the office area, my hand shaking when I started turning off the gallery lights one by one. It wasn't as satisfying as I had hoped but still felt good. Two minutes later the only lights still on were the one above my head and the one in front of the door. I would at least give him a clear direction where to head, he seemed to need it.

When Namjoon appeared out of one of the dark corners he looked even more annoyed than usual. Looking my direction through squinting eyes and his tongue pushing against the inside of his cheek. "Seriously?" he yelled my way and almost walked into one of the little flyer shelves. Wasn't the first time I had seen that happen to him though so maybe that had nothing to do with the light.

I felt oddly triumphant. By the time I had put on my coat and turned off the remaining lights, ready to finally lock up, Namjoon had almost found his way, standing in the open door, still on his phone. A little groan from my side when he didn't even notice that I was standing behind me went by unnoticed. Or simply ignored. But instead of the appropriate clearing of the throat or the maybe less polite squeezing past him, I just put my hands on his back and gently pushed him forward a bit, until his feet hit the pavement and he turned around. Dropping his hand with the phone in it, for a second he looked like he wanted to push back. Or trample me.

"Okay, what the hell is your problem, Charlotte?" His voice was hoarse. His eyes dark. God, he was hot. I hated him so much. "You." I simply replied and stared at him for a second, then turned around and locked the two locks on the door before stepping over to the alarm system. I couldn't help feeling smug because apparently, he knew my name. I imagined him staring at the back of my head because he was flustered, but couldn't be sure. All I knew was that when I turned around again a minute later he was still standing there, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his lips pressed together forming a straight line and watching me.

"Do you always act like that at work around people who could get you into trouble?" He was right, he could get me into trouble. But I was too fired up now, my heart racing. "Is that a threat?" "An observation." "Only around the ones I don't like." "Cool." "Great." "Enjoy the dance party. Sounds shit."

And with those words he had turned around, coat flying open in the wind, unfortunately making him look really cool as he walked away and I ABSOLUTELY HATED HIM. I kept my mouth shut and just walked off in the other direction, realizing minutes later that my car was parked the other way, but I kept walking for a while before I finally turned around. It took a while to calm down and only cuddling up to my cat on the couch to trash tv finally did the job. But by then I had realized something I wasn't sure I liked too much. Yeah, I thought he was a prick. And yeah I should have just played it cool. Would have been much smarted in many regards. But I also had somewhat enjoyed myself in the most fucked up way.

Seeing that stern look, that intense posture as he was towering over me... man, I'd literally piss him off on purpose.

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[angel-tries-to-write]

This is not how you pay your debt

Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan Rating: Explicit Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Hanji Zoë Word count: 4507 Genre: smut, fluff

A little idea I came up with while watching Junior High. Hanji is in debt to Levi, but gets a very unique idea of paying it.

They/them pronouns for Hanji.

"I'm not treating you. Make sure you repay me later."

These words were still ringing in Hanji's ears, even though Levi spoke them in what seemed like a lifetime ago. He said it only once, but Hanji knew he meant it every other time, just by the look he was making. That was the funny thing about Levi: he was a mystery, a real enigma to everyone except for Hanji. They always knew what was on his mind, they were studying him for long enough to be able to see through his façade and even explain it to the others. They would lie if they said he was easy to read, but they were somewhat proud of this relationship. None of them knew actually what they were, the two of them never spoke about it. Hanji knew fully well that Levi was someone way more than just a friend to them, even though they didn't know what he thought about it, this thing about him remained a secret even to them. But that meant that maybe, just maybe, it was worth to try taking their relationship on the next level and them being in debt to him was a pretty convenient excuse. It wasn't an easy decision to make, if he didn't feel the same way, this friendship can be ruined, but if he did... Well, life is too short to waste this opportunity, especially in this world and Hanji has always been a "ride or die" person, especially when it came to Levi. It was worth trying.

The opportunity arose on its own, actually. One night Hanji was busy in the lab when they heard a knock on the door frame. They looked up from their notes and saw Levi, dressed very lightly and casually. Hanji themself was wearing light clothes, but it wasn't as contrasting as it was in his case. They usually were way more casual than Levi, who just had to look neat and elegant. This time, however, was different. Judging by the dark circles under his eyes, he had trouble sleeping.

“Do you want me to help you fall asleep or do you just want my company?” Hanji asked straightforwardly, not trying to pretend they didn't know what he was doing there.

“How about both?” he asked quietly and closed the door while Hanji sent him a careful look from above their glasses.

“My, my, Levi Ackerman openly saying what he wants” they teased him and stood up when he made an irritated expression, ready to leave. For once experiments and science could wait. “What a beautiful day to live.”

“Don't make me change my mind and leave, four-eyes” he even sounded annoyed. Hanji knew they were about to test their luck and strain his trust, but it was now or never.

“Like hell I'd let you” they said and before Levi realized what they intended to do, he was pinned against the lab door. The distance between them was nearly nonexistent, yet the man didn't protest or push his friend away. “Say, Levi” they reached up and caressed his cheek tenderly “what would you say to collecting my latest debt in a slightly different way?” they asked with a soft, sweet voice, their hand slowly wandered down his body.

“What do you mean?” he asked carefully, his breath hitched at their touch.

“Oh, you know, I have this new idea about how can I repay you.”

“Yes. Simply give me the money back” he said, trying to keep his composure.

“Or I can help you relax” they offered with a smirk and their fingers barely brushed his crotch. Levi's eyes widened and his face reddened as he finally realized what kind of idea it was. At this moment Hanji could clearly see through him and almost all of his barriers. They could tell he was in kind of conflict with himself, he was torn and didn't quite know whether he wanted it or not.

“Oh really? And what do you have in mind?” he teased, trying to get his emotions under control, even though his own body betrayed him. The thought of what Hanji could do to him in context they suggested made his cheeks burn even more, arousal shot through his spine right to his lower abdomen and he panicked a little, feeling his penis hardening slowly. He thought he buried this ability deep down, things like love or lust seemed impossible to experience for someone who had this terrible life and carried such a huge trauma inside. Yet again, Hanji Zoë proved to him that impossible wasn't an option. Their chaos completely ruined his perfectly ordered life, yet to his surprise, Levi didn't mind it that much.

“A lot, actually” their eyes twinkled with satisfaction when they felt Levi's erection. Their other hand that was leaning against the door above the man's head, fell softly to his hair and slid down to the cheek. “And I promise you're going to love it, but I need you to trust me” with every word their voice was getting quieter and more sensual and it was doing its job. When their thumb caressed his lips, it was the last straw. Levi grabbed them by the collar and closed the distance between the two of them, sealing Hanji's lips with a hungry kiss. He wasn't quite himself, but his friend wasn't complaining at all, on a contrary, they loved this side of him.

Well, just like any other one. Hanji was probably the only person in the world who knew everything about Levi and who loved him despite his terrible personality. He just was to understand it yet.

“I do” he whispered, breaking the kiss. “I trust you.”

Hanji smiled warmly, they knew it, technically, but hearing these words was something quite different than just sensing them. They slightly pulled away and started unbuttoning their shirt, then shrugged it off. As they did, Levi shyly put his hands on their muscled body. Hanji wasn't as strong as he was, but enough to be good in fight and they had quite nice muscles either. His fingers traced their abs, then toyed with the hem of Hanji's sport bra that kept their small boobs in one place and helped to keep their chest comfortably flat.

“Should I take it off?” Hanji teased, knowing fully well that his answer was a yes.

“Please” he breathed and that somewhat surprised his partner, they didn't expect to hear such a need in his tone. They stripped of the bra faster than they first intended, letting Levi stare and then touch their breasts. It wasn't the first time he was doing that, after all he was the only one who would make Hanji take a bath, sometimes in a quite violent way, but it was the first time the situation was sexual. They let him play for a while before pushing him harder against the door and capturing his lips in a kiss. Levi let out a small whimper when he was denied the boobs, Hanji only chuckled at his reaction.

“Tonight was supposed to be about you” they said with amusement, unbuckling his pants.

“I was having fun too” he protested, pulling them closer and kissing their neck. Hanji gasped as he suckled on their pulse point, they tugged the fabric of his pants, drawing Levi even closer. Finally they managed to free his cock and the moment their fingers touched it, their partner was gone. He stopped kissing their neck and bit down his lower lip, fighting a moan.

“Oh, you like it already? But I didn't do anything yet” Hanji laughed and slightly pulled away. They took their glasses off and put them away.

“I swear, four-eyes...” Levi panted with irritation, but his voice died in his throat when Hanji kneeled down in front of him. Immediately he covered his mouth with his hand, muffling any noises he was making. They were right, they didn't do anything yet and he was already done. He closed his eyes as they moved closer, kissing softly the tip of his member. He had to use all of his strength and willpower to not cum that soon.

“Tell me if you want me to stop or if I do something wrong, okay?” they asked, but all Levi could do was to nod a few times, his eyes still closed, cheeks flushed and mouth covered, which was necessary, because he nearly screamed with pleasure when Hanji took his cock in their hot, wet mouth, carefully testing every move and observing his reactions. Almost as if they were doing an experiment. Levi's free hand clenched on his partner's hair, not wanting them to stop, but he also minded to not enforce anything. Every lick and suck, even the slightest move, was pushing him closer and closer to his climax, apparently Hanji could use their mouth to pleasure him as well as they were using it to talk. Their tongue was impressively swift and the deeper they tried to take him in, the more he struggled to hold on. He could have probably lasted longer, but he made a huge mistake: he opened his eyes. The sight of Hanji kneeling down and looking up at him with their messy hair, flushed cheeks, bare chest, beautiful dark eyes and mouth full of cock, was enough to send Levi off the edge. He came suddenly, surprising Hanji who choke a little, some saliva mixed with sperm escaped their mouth and fell on their chest, but they managed to finish him off, swallowing all they could. When they let go of him, Levi didn't move, staring at them with unfamiliar feelings and trying to calm down.

“Hanji, you look gorgeous” he whispered half consciously as they wiped their chin and licked their fingers.

“Does that mean you liked my payment?” they smirked. Levi dropped to his knees and kissed them hard, pulling them by the hand he still had tangled in their hair. He could taste himself on their lips, but to his surprise, he didn't mind.

“Hell yes I did. You were amazing” he panted, leaning his forehead against their shoulder.

“I guess you can tell I have PTSD: Professional Talent for Sucking Dick” Hanji joked and Levi managed to let out a chuckle. He suddenly felt hands on his neck and back as his partner hugged him. “Do you want to go to sleep now?” they asked, but he made a sound of protest.

“No, just give me five minutes.”

“For what?”

“For round two. If you think you can suck me off and not expect being fucked later, then you should re-evaluate your knowledge about me.”

“I never knew this side of you, but I like it. I guess it's not too late to get to know it better” they smiled and slowly slipped their hand under his shirt to massage the skin on his back. They waited patiently and when his breath steadied, he kissed them first on their lips, then jaw, neck and he moved lower as he reached their breasts again.

“I see now why did you decide to undress” he smirked, licking his semen off their skin.

“I knew you would make a mess. What an irony, usually you despise it.”

“Oi, you're asking to be punished.”

“I can think of a few ways you can do that, but at the same time I'm not sure if you're actually capable of doing that. A few minutes ago you were completely at my mercy. Who knew you could be this submi—” they gasped loudly when Levi caught their nipple between his teeth, then sucked, and rolled the other between his fingers. He smirked, looking up.

“You were saying?” he asked triumphantly and pulled away to take off his shirt. Hanji reached for their own one and placed it on the floor, so they could lie down a little more comfortably.

“I feel tempted to tease you more and check what else you can do to me” they admitted, wriggling their boots and pants off.

“You might regret it” he simply said, following their lead. “If not tonight, then tomorrow. And it won't be worth it.”

“We can discuss it once we're done” they pulled him close impatiently and kissed hard. He pushed them down, so they would lie on the floor. “It's cold” they winced.

“I'll warm you up” he assured, pulling away and looking at them loosing their hair. He never thought he would think that, but Hanji was freaking beautiful. They were intoxicating him in a way no other human being could.

“You're staring, Levi” they chuckled. “Are you stunned by my beauty?” Hanji joked, unknowingly saying exactly what he had in mind.

“Actually, yes, I am” he admitted and caressed their thighs. Laugh died down their throat, their eyes widened in shock as they looked at him.

“What?”

“I don't know how or why, but you look so fucking good right now, I've never seen a more attractive person” he admitted, kissing their stomach and going up. He had no idea why suddenly he was so honest and open, he would usually keep his guard up, not counting rare moments when he was breaking down in Hanji's arms, the way they were in his. But even then he wasn't talking much, they just knew. This night was so different, he was doing things he didn't think he was capable of and to his surprise, it wasn't terrifying him, he actually enjoyed doing it all.

“You think I'm beautiful and attractive?” Hanji stared at him dumbfounded. They clearly couldn't believe it.

“Of course I do” he answered, kissing all the way up to their breasts while his fingers brushed their sex. Hanji gasped at his touch and clenched their palm on his shoulder, sensing a nasty scar under their fingertips. He had way more scars than they had, but Hanji knew almost every one, just like Levi knew theirs. Both of them tended to their wounds, they were the only people the other trusted to take care of them. Of course, Hanji was more open and they could let Miche or Nana do the job, but they preferred to leave it to Levi. It was a way to gain his trust, he would never let Hanji take care of him if he couldn't take care of them in return. Just like he was doing now, fingering them with a skill he didn't quite expected he possessed. Yet it was there and it allowed him to give more and more pleasure to his lover. He watched them carefully, observing every reaction and the first thing he noted was that they were much quieter than he was, but it didn't mean he was doing something wrong. At least he hoped so, judging by the way they were moaning his name intertwined with "yes" and "just like that". It took him a while, but he finally made them come all over his hand and if he thought they were beautiful before, they looked fucking gorgeous now, all sweaty and panting, with neck and breasts covered in hickeys and bite marks, eyes closed, limbs spread and lips curved in a smile.

“That was amazing. You were amazing” Hanji praised him, caressing his cheek. Levi just looked at them with a glint of mischief in his eyes and never breaking eye contact, he put his fingers in his mouth, licking them clean, observing the growing desire in Hanji's eyes

“I'm just getting started” he said and climbed up their body to place a hungry kiss on their lips. Both of them moaned as he positioned himself and the tip of his penis brushed Hanji's entrance.

“Do you really want this?” they asked and Levi looked at them, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, I do. I wouldn't do that if I didn't want it.”

“Good. I do too and I just wanted to hear it from you.”

“Why?”

“Consent is sexy” they shrugged. “Besides, after all we've been through, I really wouldn't want to ruin our relationship by making you do something you don't want to. You deserve all the best and I want to make sure you get it.”

Levi froze, looking at them with shock, disbelief, but also hope, deeply moved by their words. He kissed them, slowly pushing his member inside. He might have been inexperienced, but he wasn't an idiot, he knew what to do to not hurt his partner. Hanji winced a little when his cock stretched their inner walls.

“You okay?” he asked, brushing their hair out of their face.

“Yeah. Well, you are short, but your dick clearly isn't, so I need a moment” they chuckled.

“Don't make me regret it” he sent them an annoyed look. Only Hanji could crack a joke about his height when he was balls deep inside them.

“Sorry. I'll behave, you can go on” they promised and kissed him. Levi sighed heavily, absolutely done with them and pulled out, but as he thrusted back in, any bickering and jokes were left forgotten. Both of their brains went blank, not caring about anything besides their mutual pleasure. They had no idea for how long did their act last, it seemed like an eternity of thrusts, kisses, touches, moans and overwhelming pleasure. When they finally reached their orgasms, Levi simply collapsed on top of Hanji, knowing fully well he could do that and he wouldn't crush them. If it wasn't for his insomnia, he would have had more strength, but for now he was exhausted. Hanji embraced him and kissed his sweaty forehead.

“Thank you” he whispered, when their breaths steadied.

“It was my pleasure” they smiled, playing with his hair.

“I've always thought sex was dirty and disgusting. I don't know how did you do that, but you managed to prove me wrong” he said, apparently even Levi Ackerman confirmed theory that people after sex are more open and honest.

“Well, we're quite messy right now, all sweaty and sticky” Hanji pointed out, but made no sign indicating they were bothered by that.

“I don't care.”

“You? A clean freak? Don't care?” his lover looked at him with disbelief. They never thought he could say such thing. “Are you even alright?”

“More than alright. Tonight I'm just doing things I never thought I was capable of. Being dirty, having sex and actually enjoying it. Feeling this warm and fuzzy inside. That's so strange to me, it's nice, of course, yet I can't help but think about...” he didn't finish the sentence, but he didn't have to. Hanji knew him and understood like no one could.

“She wouldn't want you to feel bad. She did what she had to do.”

“Do you think she would be proud of me?”

“Of course! She would be very proud to see everything you've achieved. I'm sure you are someone she wanted you to be. Someone who lives a better life than her. I've never met her, but I'm sure she loved you more than anything” they assured him. Levi rarely spoke about his mother, it was very personal to him and no one but Hanji actually knew the whole story. They were the only person in the world he could open up to.

“Hanji, what am I to you?” he asked suddenly, his voice almost cracking because of the emotions. He pushed himself up, so he could look them in the face.

“What do you mean?” they were surprised by his sudden question.

“How do you feel about me? Please, tell me” he pleaded. Levi Ackerman never pleaded, he was never desperate and he never cared about other people's feelings. Except for Hanji's.

“You're my best friend” they started and a flash of disappointment crossed Levi's face. “You're the one I can deeply trust and I can always rely on. You're the first person I think about when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep. And if we were given a chance to live a peaceful life, you're the one I would share it with. I just love you, Levi” they confessed and his eyes widened with shock.

“You do?” he whispered barely audible.

“I do. I have for a few years by now. I just never thought you could feel the same about me. Tonight... well, let's say I was tired of being uncertain and I had to make a move.”

“I love you too” he blurted out and it was Hanji's turn to be shocked. They never expected him to actually say it. “For a long time I couldn't admit it, maybe I didn't want to, because I was scared. Everyone who ever loved me and whom I loved, are dead. I don't want you to die” he admitted. Hanji stared at their lover, processing everything he said, then moved up and kissed him hard.

“I can't promise that I won't die, but you know you can't get rid of me easily.”

“I know but—”

“No 'buts'. Stop thinking negative. I know you've been through so much, but you have to move on. You have to live a better life. For your mom. For me. For yourself.”

Levi thought about their words, he knew they were right. He nodded, defeated. One last time. Just once, he would let himself love and be loved. He would risk his heart being shattered once again. He knew Hanji was tough, they survived for this long, they could certainly live through much more. So he was safe for now. At least he wouldn't live in constant "what ifs" invading his mind anymore.

“Alright.”

“Great. Now let's call it a night, shall we? As tempting as staying like that sounds, I'd rather not give Moblit a heart attack in the morning” they snickered.

“Fine. Let's take a bath and go to sleep” Levi pulled away from them with a slick sound.

“Yeah, for once I won't be arguing” Hanji said, looking at the mess between their thighs. They both got up and got dressed, made sure to not leave any mess in the lab, went to their rooms to take fresh clothes and met in the bathroom. “You know that if the others find out, they're never going to let us live?” they asked when the two of them undressed once again and proceeded to clean themselves and each other.

“They don't have to find out.”

“You think so? This thing is way harder to keep a secret than any other thing we've said or done.”

“They know we help each other fall asleep, so even if they would catch us sleeping together, it's not the first time.”

“And you were furious when they saw us for the first time, now it's our advantage.”

“Yeah. Good thing it was in common area, it was easier to explain.”

“Let's hope we're lucky enough to keep it secret.”

They finished their bath reminiscing old times. When they left and got dressed, they headed to Levi's room where they fell asleep as soon as they went to bed. Both of them had trouble sleeping recently, yet the presence of the other one was soothing and calming enough, to let them peacefully sleep for all night and even longer than that. Because when they finally woke up, it was almost noon.

“Hey” Levi spoke, his voice was even deeper and lower than usual.

“Hey” Hanji smiled and rubbed their eyes. “Did we oversleep?”

“Seems like it. But I guess we deserved that much sleep.”

“Yeah... You look way better than yesterday. I mean, healthier, not more handsome and beautiful, that's physically impossible.”

“I can say the same thing” he brushed away Hanji's hair, taking it out of their face, then leaned in and kissed them.

“I KNEW IT!” Nanaba's sudden scream made the couple jump away from each other, as much as they could, being limited by the bed and their embrace. “MICHE, ERWIN, I WON THE BET!!!” she shouted and Levi furrowed his brows.

“What the fuck?!” he yelled at her.

“Yes, Nana, what the fuck?!” Hanji echoed. None of them got an answer, because Miche and Erwin appeared by the door.

“You didn't win shit, just because they share a bed it doesn't mean you won” Miche protested, crossing his arms on his chest.

“Besides, they're fully clothed and they slept together in the past” Erwin noticed. “It means nothing.”

“I saw them kiss, I swear!” Nanaba realized she didn't think this through, as she had no proof to convince them.

“Oi! What's that supposed to mean?” Levi yelled, sitting up, his partner followed his actions.

“Nana was convinced you're dating, while we were pretty sure you're not. So we decided to bet. If she found out any proof in a week, she wins, if she won't, we win” Miche explained. “But since we know you two have huge trouble sleeping and the only person who can help you is the other one, we don't count that.”

“Technically it's against the rules, but I can either allow that or risk getting two of my best people get themselves killed, because of sleep deprivation” Erwin admitted. “And since you said you're not dating...”

“Of course we're not dating” Levi scoffed.

“And that's why Hanji has hickeys all over their neck?” Nanaba pointed out triumphantly. The couple exchanged looks, they didn't expect to see anyone before getting out of bed, so they didn't mind less covering clothes. Which meant that most of the marks Levi has left on his lover's body were visible.

“We're not dating yet” Hanji precised, giving up. There was no point trying to lie, the evidence was obvious. “Last night we talked about our feelings, but we didn't figure out the status of our relationship yet. Also we would like to have our privacy respected, thank you very much.”

“So did we win or not?” Miche wondered, apparently that was his priority.

“I'd say under these circumstances we can say none of us wins or loses. The bet is cancelled” Erwin decided. “Now let's get back to work, you two, get out” he pointed to Miche and Nana “you two, get up” he pointed to Levi and Hanji “and we're never talking about it again, that's an order” he commanded and the three left.

“So much for keeping a secret” Hanji sighed, resting their head on Levi's shoulder.

“That's not what I wanted to do. But maybe it's for the better” he admitted, wrapping his arm around his partner and kissing their head. “We don't have to bother whether someone sees us or not.”

“Really? You're going to ruin your reputation of unavailable idol only to be able to kiss me in public?” they joked.

“Like I ever cared about my reputation” Levi rolled his eyes. “But there's one more thing.”

“What is it?”

“While I enjoyed the way you paid your debt last night, don't get used to it or I'll stop buying you anything” he said and Hanji couldn't help but burst out laughing.

[thelesbianlegacy-swtor]

OC list of the MMO LESBIAN

SarapAlexandria Duvel <3 Vette

Sith Warrior

Human, brown short hair, 1,78, D cups, she likes dressin on armor that is bulkier than a tank or in a tank top and leggings. Dark eyes and light skin

Lesbian. LOVES toys in bed

Headcannons

Has a personal Dreagnough that she uses as a colliseum. She has taken into training new sith in combat. More than her apprentices they are more of gladiators for her to fight.

Kinda crazy. Likes to bounce around and do Tons of damage. She is feroucios about defending the Empire and believes that the republic is doomed. Has archived the impossible more than a dozen times so no plan is to crazy or stupid for her. Gratefully, her wife knows what is too stupid or too crazy and so she fixes those plans so her big sith girl can go fight monsters and other people.

Married Vette. Only she can make her laught so much that she forgets she is angry. The tiny girl is so adorable and so cute and jsut so horny for Alexandria that the two of them spend 3 months on a horny induced honeymoon. Even now after the war with zakuul they keep having more honeymoons whenever they get the chance.

She wasnt all that hurt by Quinns betratal. Like, hey man fatman told you to kill me so no biggie- But from now on you are my bitch and i will bully you over all this k?

Jaesa kinda bugs her. She is Dark side but not SO crazy but still she is kinda...tiny. Alexandria likes to challenge her to crazy stuff and she always gets on trouble with her, but Jaesa is so young and sometimes weak that 

Pierce is her best freind. A total madman when it comes to battle, a blootthirsty man that will not doubt in choosing violence but also super trusthworthy and she knows he will stop her from getting killed in stupid ways

For her Broonmark is her fluffy monster! Just point release and watch blood by spilled. She makes him shower after every bottle and use proucts on his hair cause she likes how soft he gets.

She remains a free agent causing chaos everywhere. She is not quick to kill always tho. If she got a good fight with someone she will usually let them live so they can fight again.

She is the most sexually proactive girl around. She will get every pair of cute or hot tiddies on a bed along side Vette. She is a bit dom and doesnt like playing sub, but she will play passive.

Master of Shien and Juyo, she likes to go crazy with a lightsaber and destroying the place but doesnt really like dual wielding

Seraphine <3 Temple

Sith Agent. New code name: Specter

Cyborg, mostly internal components on her eye, brain and bones. 1,96M, Long hair, usually red but she likes dying it. C cups, She wishses to get more tits but she has to be stealthy. She likes using loose clothes with lots of cleavege. She isnt a fan of bras.

Lesbian Switch. Likes bondage and public stuff. She can and will play any part on roleplay. From the scared virgin to the cruel dominatrix

Headcannons

A master of hidding on plain sight. Seraphine is the kind of woman who blends everywhere. She likes attention from the spotlight just to let it go 5 minutes later. She has the talent of being so likeable that any girl that gets close to her on bed, never gets mad with her for leaving or just going for another girl. She also has a perfect memory and will remember how you like to be touch, how much you moan or what kind of cnadies you like when you are on your days. She is as soft as she is Ruthless. She has never regret killing anyone for more than an hour. Unless she kils someone she has slept with she will pull the triger no matter what. This includes civilians, wounded and allies. After Chapter 3 she left the identity of Cypher 9 and became a shadow agent for the Empire. Her new code name: Specter. 

After the War with Zakuul she was left on charge ofthe Alliance by Darth Nox. Both the Ex Imperial Wrath and the Supreme Huntress stayed behind with her. 

She doesnt like Kaliyo. No. She is no fun. She likes to hurt and doesnt look after girls. She was particulary angry at her at the start because she would try to get on the way of her time with other girls. So Seraphine got Kaliyo a cute chasity belt and allowed her to focus on chaos outside the bedroom. That way they both can get what they want. Chaos and attention.

Vector is her special little guy. Confident. Trusthworthy. But really fun to mess up with. Seraphine tells him to do weird stuff just to get a laught at weird situation. She also helps him send money for Killik Joiners. She likes that he is simple

Lokin is a weird guy for Seraphine.He could do a lot of stuff with the ragkghoul virus but she likes that he is quiet and calm. She likes trying tea with him

Ensign Temple is the only girl that has kept Seraphine attention span for more than 1 night. She likes her a lot because she cant read her as well as other people and so she makes her angry just to learn more about her. She forgot how it felt to get to know someone through time and so she likes to keep her around. She also likes Temple is super organized and loyal

Seraphine can never choose fast between either a big rifle or a tiny blade under her dress. She likes how chaos erupts after a person gets shots down but she also likes to be close when her target takes their last breath

FUCK SCORPIO UwU

Arthemys Delos <3 Mako

Huntress

Built like a tank, She likes lifting Mako to train her big guns. She is a cyborg with lots of internal components and a cybernetic leg (left) She isnt the tallest girl, she is 169 (nice) but she has the biggest tiddies. She carries two E cups that she loves to put on Mako’s face. She has black short hair

Lesbian 

Total top but wont say no to being topped every know and then

Headcannons

Money,gambling, explosions and pretty girls, Arthemis cares for little more than that. As long as she can fire guns, gamble money and have a bed with a pretty girl on it she will do an job. She loves hunting animals and will almost never reject a bounty. What she wont do, is just say yes to any quest or mission. She can get money as easy as she can waste it and so throwin credits at her doesnt work. Only if the work isnt something she dislikes or too easy or boring she will do it. She has a few internal implants after playing with grenades when she was young.

Mako is hers. Hers alone. She wont let her go beyon her sight and will actually get restless for being away from her too long. Arthemis is possesive which Mako kinda likes.

The two of them likes being on top of eachother as much as possible but a extra pair of hands or tiddies make them both pretty happy. Most of the time, is actually Mako who gets the girl.

Gault is jsut too fun not to keep around. Arthemis wouldnt call him his best friend becuase she suspects the guys can be bought but he is fun either way. She like getting a lot of money with him and then wasting it all or just not taking the pay,just to mess up with him.

Torian is fun. Sometimes. He is a mandalorian and she likes fighting strong people. But Torian is a bit more serious that she would like. She doesnt like people dying because then she cant fight them again and so she doesnt like some decisions of the mandalorian. But at the end of the day the trust that the two share is one of a brotherhood.

Blizz. God Damm Blizz. When Arthemis got Mako on her bed and then into her family she thought she coulnt be happier. She was wrong. The little jawa makes everything better. As chaotic as her and even weirder than Gault, Arthemis just cant stop keeping the jawa around

YOU READ MY COMMENT ABOUT SCORPIO? WELL THAT X2

Selendis likes using two big guns to shot down her enemies. She doesnt really enjoy going around in huge armor so she keeps herself kinda light. But her armor is still a bit big. Why you ask? Cause she loves the feeling of having not only a flamethrower but also grenades, missiles, hooks and electric weapons all stuffed in her body. 

Selendis <3 Lana and Senya

Sith Inquisitor

Sith girl with piercing orange eus and long amazing black hair. She is 182 and as sith that focus on range combat, she took the luxury of enhancing her breasts to a nice DD cups. She doesnt like jewelry but she has a few tattoos. 

Sorcerer

Lesbian. The one to dom them all.

No amount of girls is too much when it comes to Selendys

A proud, stylish and master manipulator Selendis believes that the empire can be improved but even in its current state is better than the republic. She is patient and ruthless and wont stop until the galaxy is back on order. She left the alliance and took overthe sith empire after letting Acina step down. Seriously, no killing her just “Try and stop me from getting the throne”

Khem Val is her personal monster. A warrior of another time which she swears wont ever be forgotten. She has taken into redacting whatever information the dashade gives her. She has task him ith protecting everyone she deems worthy of her interest

Andronikos is a fun and interesting man. He is a pirate with experience and a code. Hard things to find. Selendis enjoys him being slipery and smartass. She also enjoys the acces to the underworld the man provides. Over all she likes that the betrayed man has once more put his trust on someone. She wont abuse it but she prides herself of it

Ashara. The little puppy. She has learn about the dark side and the sith and yet she keeps herself on a reaching point from the jedi order. Still she has a point of view that is useful and welcome. She has teached her everything useful that she could learnt.

Talos. Oh Talos. A men of science and interest. Selendis has swear to protect the smart man just so he can see for once history being made instead of being discovered. Most of the time she has free, she will spent researching stuff with Talos and discussing history

Xalek. Selendis attack dog. A simple desire of the young Kaleesh allowed Selendis to craft a magnificent Student. Xalek belived that she was a god. And so Selendis tasked Xalek to forget about being a kaleesh god, and instead become a sith god. Strength, power, and victory.

Lana Beniko. From the first time Selendis met Lana she was intrigue. A sith that kept her rage and hate deep withing her, so she could serve the empire better. Selendis wasted no time in seducing the sith and keeping her under her control. But soon Selendis lost control and ended up loving her. Lana became her source of power. She would burn the galaxy for her. She also fancid her cute ass and the way she lost control.

Senya Tirall. Selendis doesnt do well with betrayal. And so after defeating Arcann, she was left quite angry when Senya saved him. So, after the war with Zakuul, Selendis threw Senya into a prison and slowly made her crumble. Telling her that both Arcann and Vaylin were death, Offering herself as the only ally, and then leaving her alone. Selendis broke Senya and put her back together in a way that she would enjoy. Despite being more of a pet than a lover, Selendis does love her in her wn special way, and wont let her be hurt.

REPUBLIC OCS

Cassandra (Cassie) Jedi Knight <3 kIRA She tiny! She is 165, amber eyes,C cups she likes to hide on a sport bra and to fight, she has a few scars over her back and shoulder (horny origin) She specialies on Djem So but likes using two lightsbaers instead of one Lesbian Total Bottom girl. Tsundere (will be all agressive but you pet her once and she will melt on your arms)

T7-01 The crimemaster, Teseven will always be there to push Cassie towards any female individual just so Cassie can stop winning about not having a girlfriend. Each time it works, but Cassie ends up lossing the contact or getting pulled out from plannet by the council

Kira. Or like Cassie likes to call her, babe! Cassie was sweap of her feat by how chaotic her padawan was an how incredible persistent she was on taking baths together, giving eachother massages and just being close. Cassie lasted 2.6 seconds the first time she gave her a kiss and fron that day on, she is either fighting or on her girlfriend’s arms. Kira likes to tease Cassie and on nights she makes sure to give her all of her love

Doc. The best partner. Doc is always there for Cassie, wherever she is doing good or bad. Or doing ilegal or legal stuff. He knows Cassie will jump towards danger and he will be there to help her make the galaxy a better place Rusk. There are few things that Rusk hates more than the empire and one of them is how Cassie jumps on top of his back because she is to tiny to get food by herself. Even then, he will die for his little sister becuase he knows she will defeat the empire some day

Scourge. The big old sith might have forgotten what means love, pain or feelings, but he respects Cassie. He knows that despite her size the little jedi is more than capable of busting whatever walls appear on her way, even if it means tapping on the dark side. 

Bella Jedi consular <3 NADIA

She is a curvy girl. D cps on a tallish girl, 178, with a dump track ass. She is thick and she is SHY about it. She likes baggy clothes so her body doesnt show too much. She feels that healing people with her skills is the best call for her but she also agrees that sometimes throwin a massive bould to minnies is good

Qyzen.  Qyzen and Bella are good frends. Mostly, because Qyzen will gladly shoot anyone who calls Bella on her fat ass, and Bella will drop a boulder on anyone who calls him green skin or lizard. The two of them are the type of people who fixate on stuff and they enjoy their hobbies

Tharan. To be honest. Bella didnt think it thorugh when she got Tharan to come with. She was doing it mosly out of pity and because she needed some help. But mostly she just liked Holiday and would be more interested on keeping her rather than him. 

Zenith. Oh dear Zenith. Bella enjoys Zenith attiude. There is little more than that. She isnt as extremist as he is, but she knows that he will do everything on his power to defeat the empire and protect the inocent

Iresso. Oh Ireso is fun. Bella likes to bully him in little wyas. Sometimes she will just pick something ilegal to do to get on his nerves. Thats alls. Well he is all good and good for fights but Bella likes how correct he is and that she can make him mad

Nadia: Her love. Her mistress. Her everything. Everyone has thirsted for her body, and so Bella usually isnt ready to believe most words of love and affection, but Nadia persisted for months, being almost addicted to her body. And so one day Bella let her padawan into her bedroom and cried over her love. Nadia is the type of girl who will devote her heart and soul to her love. She CANT keep her hands off Bella’s body tho, which makes it hard for her to keep clean underwear around

NEW OCS FROM THE NOT PC OCS GAME. 

PRESENTING. THE ARTIST

Sarah Novadust

The lead singer and dancer of the Imperial Idol group “Royal Novas” 

A tallish girl (175cm) a bit petite looking but upclose you notice she has a good pair of thighs and some nice ass. She has GOLDEN hair. Not blonde. Golden. She keeps it on a long ponytail that reaches all the way back to her ass. She is a human girl of 22 years old with Purple eyes due to some alien grandparents

She leads the Royal Nova an Idol Group originated on the Empire. The group is formed by her, 3 back up singers, 5 back up dancers, 2 guitars, piano, drums, violin, and 1 trumpet. The 15 girls are all REAL close to Sarah.. More on that later

Sarah was born on Sarapin. She worked on being an artist since she was young, but when she was around 15 she was blacklisted from most musical firms on the republic over a incident with a manager that wanted to taste her body. Sarah left to spent some times with friends back on Balmorra when the empire attacked. FOr a couple of years she layed low working on some cantinas singing to earn a living. It was there when some sith lady saw her and brought her to Kaas City. Sarah would keep singing for more and more excentic public until she had the favour of enough people that she could stay safe and solo. Then after saving up for some time, she went and convinved a few sith lords and sith officers to put some credits on for a full on idol group. She invited friends and scouted for talent all over the galaxy

As an artist, Sarah likes mixing her young excitement with imperial overconfidense. She knows that playing it safe wont work and so she makes every song and perfomance into a way to improve herself more and more. With a big group of girls to help her she has managed to perform or even Dark council members and Senators from the republic. 

As a young woman, Sarah attracts a lot of people. She isnt the most strong willed person, nor she is particulary aggresive. That is excaclty the reason why each and every member of the Royal Novas is madly in love with her. Each girl looks over their leader as a little kitten to be protected. Of course, Sarah doesnt mind the attention and as long everyone plays nice, she will open her heart to the entire group. With 22 years old, a massive fallowing, more credits that she can count and a polyamourous relationship with 14 girls, Sarah's life is just the best

[aveyna]

A Mild Crossing

Summary: “Ah, right…” Hugo falters, shooting Varian an inquisitive look, only to find the alchemist on the verge of a breakdown. “He’s my husband."

Note: It was supposed to be completely silly, but then...angst and misunderstandings galore. 

AO3 LINK

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“What is that thing? It’s hideous.” Hugo narrows his eyes, crouching down until he is at face level with the creature clutched in Varian’s hands. It was a small looking…person, even shorter than Varian and Yong of all people. They had been on their merry way past this bridge crossing, until…this awful abomination had tried to rob Hugo of his well-earned [and certainly not stolen] coins.

 The others had cooed over this creature, but not him. No, he can see straight through its thinly-veiled lies.

 “It’s a baby,” Varian deadpans.

 “A…baby?” Hugo says, rolling the words on his tongue. Whatever this creature is, it has besmirched the good name of thievery.

 “Do you seriously not know what a child is!?” the shorter alchemist shoots him a scathing look, thrusting the…weird humanoid looking creature into his unwilling arms. “Hold onto them for me, and Hugo…do not drop them.”

 “What do you take me for, hairstripe? Of course I know what…a ‘child’ is.” His bespectacled gaze falls onto the creature. It looks up, two large, orb-like eyes staring at him. Absolutely hideous, is what this thing is.

 The smaller alchemist merely glowers, clearly unimpressed. But, Hugo, no, he can handle this. “Of course I’m not going to drop…it.”

 But he would in a heartbeat if he could.

 At this, Varian spins on his feet, turning towards their star navigator. “Nuru, have any idea where the closest town is?”

 “We’re about an hour away,” Nuru beams. “It could be less if…we don’t run into anymore obstacles or get sidetracked.

 The princess pointedly redirects her words towards Hugo and Yong, the latter of which looks positively ecstatic over the little monstrosity. There is a spring in his step as he practically hovers in his joy. He is beaming, but the sight is disturbing, as if he were a rainbow in the form of a person. A chill runs down Hugo’s spine as he visibly represses a shudder at this horrific turn of events. There is no modicum of reason or sense to this madness—

 As he raises an eyebrow at Yong’s antics, he wonders exactly how the younger boy had gone completely insane…well, moreso than usual, at least.

 Really, he can expect this kind of behavior from Nuru, if that whole debacle with the seal was of any indication, no, wait; these three idiots are all one hundred percent at fault. It is an aberration, this whole mess he had stepped into. Hugo…he is seething on the inside, as he nudges Yong away with his foot. One tiny bug eyed ‘human’ is more than enough; he does not need the pyromaniac anywhere near his close vicinity.

 Why is he doing this again?

 Hugo averts his gaze towards the sky. It is brilliantly bright, dazzling so—a light shade of blue that pales in comparison to the color of Varian’s eyes and…right. He will suck it up and deal with this…thing, if it means he can spend another day with the alchemist. Hugo’s lips quiver up in a faint smile, gazing fondly at Varian and Nuru, the former of which is hiding a laugh behind his gloved hand.

 These days seem like a dream. He almost hopes it were, so that…he would not have to betray them, his…friends?

 As he listens to these ‘friends’, these band of misfits, he wonders—would Varian still look at him kindly after his betrayal? Would he extend an arm in forgiveness, smiling as tells Hugo ‘it’s alright?’ Or would his blue eyes be clouded over in pain and doubt, the sting of betrayal forever shattering the fragile bond they had carefully built up these last few months? What then…what would he do if they had to part? He is sure Varian would not agree to work with him, to work with Donella…the woman who was involved in his mother’s disappearance.

 Afterall, she was the reason as to why he went on this journey in the first place.

 Hugo knows he will shatter. His heart will crumple like stone if [once] his true colors are revealed to Varian. There is a possibility Varian could die, but if he must, it will be by his hand.

 “Hey, Hugo, you alright?” Kind, large blue eyes look up at him in concern. It is a kindness that he does not deserve, not when he will be responsible for the pain inflicted upon them one day.

 The taller alchemist turns his head towards Varian, a wry smirk plastered on his face. He sweeps one arm in a grandiose gesture, making sure to not drop the dead weight that had attempted to steal his coins in the other. “Were you worried about me, goggles? How sweet of you. I’m touched, truly, I am.”

 It’s cute in a way, what with how Varian denies his concern—sputtering insults at him while he stomps to the head of the group. Hugo watches as Nuru places a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, turning around and narrowing her golden eyes at him. He cannot help but laugh as she points two fingers from her eyes towards him. The concern…it is endearing. She is yet another person he would hate to disappoint.

 These turn of events are harrowing. Here, he was, going off on an adventure with the enemy.

 Even with this evil looking creature bundled in his arms, Hugo would not exchange this moment for all of the gold in the world.

 ---

 Hugo is not sure how this has happened. Upon reaching town, Nuru had stormed off, dragging Yong with her. Something about needing a new telescope and using Yong’s cuteness to get a discount…eh, but what does he know? The princess works in mysterious ways, but at least this would mean he’d finally get to spend time along with Varian—

 Is what he would say, were it not for…it. Whatever this creature is. Man, he really did hate children.

 “I know you two are getting along, but c’mon Hugo, we don’t have all day.” Varian rolls his eyes, playfully punching Hugo’s arm as he walks ahead, pointing in the direction of a plain white building covered by a well-maintained wooden gate. An abundance of brightly colored flowers adorns the building…it seems absolutely cheerful and not how he expected this date to go.

 His eyes are surprisingly directed elsewhere as Varian drones on. Normally, he would listen with rapt attention [while pretending to ignore the shorter alchemist], but it is impossible to enjoy this moment. Not with this weird looking creature placing its grubby little paws on his glasses.

 They’re more expensive than everyone in this group [sans Nuru, of course]. No one touches the glasses. Not this ‘baby’ and not even Varian.

 “We’re here.” Varian had lightly tugged at his sleeve, goading him to follow up to the door in suit. Hugo easily relents. He’ll follow, at least whenever Varian is concerned.

 “Okay, just follow my lead—”

 Varian’s blue eyes trail over his arms, mouth agape and skin ashen-gray. If Hugo was not a realist, he would have sworn the younger alchemist had seen a ghost.

 Though, surprisingly, his arms do feel surprisingly light.

 “Hugo where did the baby go!?” Varian screeches, spinning on his heels as he grabs Hugo by the shoulders. “You had one damn job!”  

 A smile tugs at the corner of Hugo’s lips. Finally, he is free…freed from this awful menace of a creature. “What’s a baby—?”

“Finish that sentence and I will smack you upside the head…sweetheart.” At this, Varian smiles, but…it seems forced. His eyes are wide, panicked. “Hey, Hugo, dear, remember what we’re here for?”

 Normally, he’d be appreciative of this attention. But now? As Hugo turns his head, he…short circuits. Soft, green eyes and a round face surrounded by bouncy red curls. She seems quaint and kind, though with her feet tapping against the hardwood floor, he knows the woman is moments away from slamming the door on their faces.

 “Ah, right…” Hugo falters, shooting Varian an inquisitive look, only to find the alchemist on the verge of a breakdown. “He’s my husband.”

 What.

 What.

 What the—what did he say!? What has he done!?

 “We’re married.” Ah, yes. He had to go and make it worse. At least Hugo had gotten to say the magic words before he met an untimely and completely just end.

 He turns his eyes towards Varian. There is a luminescent blush on his face, or perhaps, it is anger. Hugo knows that as soon as this is all over…he is royally screwed. Oh well, this life—it wasn’t a complete waste.

 “I’m not, we’re not…” Varian stutters, face impossibly red. His black bangs have fallen over his eyes, but…yeah. Hugo is done.

 “Aw, don’t worry, dear.” The woman clasps her hands together, a demure smile on her face. “It’s a huge step in any person’s life, but I’m sure you’ll get used to it. Pardon me for saying this, but you two make for a very cute couple.”

 A tiny blur runs behind the woman…two eyes, a nose, a mouth…and appendages that resemble arms and legs—

 Right.

 The demon child. That was the whole point of this excursion. He would leave…afterall, the whole point of this trip was to return it back to the orphanage, but his eyes settle on a golden sheen—

 Hugo bites back some choice words. Now is not the time for it, not when the blasted creature has stolen his gold coins.

 It is rude and perhaps a bit hasty, but Hugo pushes past the woman, pulling Varian behind him as he runs into the [ridiculously] sunny building.

 Varian slowly regains himself, uttering apologies to the bewildered woman as they follow its trail.

---

 They follow the creature throughout the house. It was messy and chaotic and traumatizing, what with ignoring even more heinous atrocities against mankind…these ‘things’, he…has wished harm on his enemies before, but now—

 All he desires is to chuck the next one of these tiny ‘people’ into an open bonfire.

 Why do your goggles have spikes?

 What’s the blue hair? Are you magic? They ask Varian, forming a circle around the increasingly worried alchemist.

 But…the icing on this disgusting cake would be…Yong. He had thought his eyes were deceiving him; maybe he would need a new prescription, but no. Sadly, they were not. While rounding a corner, he and Varian had stumbled upon the pyromaniac as he swung his legs back and forth above a high table. He looked so in his element; completely at ease despite the slowly unfolding chaos that had enveloped this town.

 “How the hell, no, why the hell are you here!?” Varian screeches, hovering over the younger boy like a mother hen, checking for any scratches or burns. “And what happened to Nuru!?”

 “Oh, she got arrested,” Yong happily chirps, munching on a lollipop an elderly shop keeper had given him…the same one who had gotten into an argument with Nuru that may or may have not lead to broken bones and broken spirits.

 Varian’s hands are gripping his hair, antique goggles nearly toppling off of his head. “Excuse me!?”

 “Don’t worry about it, Varian,” Yong beams, but in the distance…they hear only the accursed sound of screams and explosions. “Looks like Nuru’s got it handled!”

 Suddenly…this building has gotten more appealing. Sure, there is…the baby…thing, but—

 It does no good to go against the wrath of one very trigger happy princess. Though, Hugo cannot blame her. He’d go mad from boredom if he was forced to spend his life in an uppity, stuck up court with the nobility.

 The building rumbles. Varian collapses, burying his face in his hands. The pyromaniac happily munches away at the sugary treat, while he—

 Hugo knows his days are numbered.

 ---

 Somehow, Hugo cannot help but feel…as if this whole ordeal had been for naught. A wave of ‘nothingness’ washes over him as they are once again banned from entering yet another town. The ‘baby’ had stolen his coins, but…at least they had made it all out of that hellish landscape in one piece.

 He wonders what exactly had happened with Nuru, but her lips are tightly sealed. There is a fire in her golden eyes as she grasps at her brand new telescope in triumph. She has won some great battle; he will allow her this sense of accomplishment and victory, at least.

 Whatever it is that Yong has done, his role in this ferocious war, it is a mystery to everyone but him.

 Varian, however, he…seems quiet and withdrawn. It is a harrowing sight and not one he thinks he could ever get used to. Had the insanity of these last few hours gotten to him? Or…could it have been his declaration?

 Hugo cannot stand this. The days that they can spend together are numbered; he would like to cherish each and every moment, but that cannot happen with this version of Varian he had rarely seen. He is so much unlike himself, and the thought that he had caused it is…worrying. Hugo reaches out one hand towards the other alchemist. “Hairstripe, if it was about what I said, I’m sorry. I take it back—”

 As if scalded by boiling water, Varian jumps back, mouth pressed in a thin line. There is a thin sheen over his eyes. He averts his gaze, looking towards the ground. “It was a mistake? All of it?”

 “No, I—”

 “Fine, I understand,” Varian smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

 “Varian, that’s not what I meant.”

 He wants to say more, but he will let go. Even if it means causing Varian grief now, at least it will spare them both from future heartbreak.

 Hugo looks back, wondering when this haphazard family he had found will inevitably come crashing down.

[takaraphoenix]

I finished Lucifer 5A yesterday and... I was far from impressed, to be honest.

The TL;DR:

Ella Lopez deserved better

parenting plotlines are bland, even if the baby’s a half-angel

Lilith deserved better and was a completely wasted opportunity

Michael was a huge wasted opportunity

the Dan-Lucifer-antagonization has gotten boring and repetitive

Mazikeen deserved better

TV shows are oh-so eager to “invert expectations” - you know what would have inverted my expectations? If the seemingly nice guy Ella met and was falling for was actually a legit nice guy.

Seriously, from the moment he spoke to her, it was so blatantly obvious he’s either to be a killer, or a demon/angel who came to get revenge on Lucifer. Because that’s essentially the only purpose newly introduced characters with speaking roles have, really. And because this show has a track-record of not letting Ella be happy.

And it really looked like it. Like she was trying to break a bad habit of only dating douches. And... she was rewarded for it by... dating a serial killer. Wow. That truly was revolutionary writing... I’m not saying that nothing bad can happen to her, but... bad shit’s been happening to her? She’s never gotten an actual... happy... plotline? And I’m kind of tired of that, especially for the most upbeat and optimistic and joyful of the characters, she really deserves some happiness.

What also irks me about it though is... where the fuck was Azrael? Ella is like the only person with a literal guardian angel who keeps watching over her. But... she... didn’t observe that Ella’s been going out with a freaking serial killer for months now? Honestly, the guy trying to kill her was definitely something that should have brought Azrael back.

The Amenadiel and Linda parenting plotline was, you know, a parenting plotline. Those are always the same. Even if the baby is half-angel! We have tired parents who are exhausted and don’t get enough adult contact, tired parents not knowing how to sooth their baby and learning it, them throwing a fuss at every fever, etc. It’s like a check-list of parenting experiences 101. Very boring, really.

Linda having another daughter was an interesting twist, but they barely dwelled on it (not that they had the time to dwell on it; these were only 8 episodes, after all). I do wonder where they take that next half.

I’m really pissed about the Lilith storyline. I mean, Lilith has been set up for so long and then she only... she only gets one episode. One episode where she’s actually in and another brief appearance and then she just... dies. I wanted to see Lilith and Eve meet again, I definitely wanted to see Lilith and Maze explored more and not only... in one conversation. They really just introduced her to kill her off. After everything they built up about Maze’s mommy issues and the importance of the mother of all demons and just... killed her off basically right away? That’s... disappointing.

As was Michael. The Michael? The flame-sword wielding arch angel? I can’t put into words how disappointing that was. He was just a... sniffeling jealous whiny brat? I expected something with - grandeur. Look at Azrael, Remiel, heck even Uriel. The angels “opposing” Lucifer, they still had the flare, the pride. This was... such a pathetic character? All the whiny “daddy loved you more than me” attitude, the weak plans... the twin thing.

Which also brings me around to the next point. Dan. Michael using Dan. I’m just... I have grown incredibly tired to the way this show utilizes Dan.

At first, the jealousy angle and antagonizing him over that? Worked well. But they relatively got over it. And yet every single season, they have to go back to the status quo. We see Dan and Lucifer slowly grow... closer. Not necessarily become friends usually, but they seem to develop a mutual truce, at least. Then something happens that tips it and makes Dan act like a douche again, or make Lucifer treat Dan like a douche which makes Dan lash out again.

But this half-season really worked on their relationship? The silly bracelet thing, them actually working a case together? I really thought we were finally leaving this dumb plotdevice behind and move on. Instead, they had to set Dan back again. And I mean, it’s entirely understandable. Imagine seeing that devil face and then having a literal angel come down from heaven and tell you what to do; I understand where his actions came from. But it infuriates me that the show once again used Dan as the cheap prop who antagonizes Lucifer and is being antagonized in return. Because it’s getting tiresome and repetitive.

For the last point, let’s get back to Lilith real quick. Or rather; Maze. Because aside from the unsatisfying resolution of the Lilith situation, she just... overall... deserved better, really. Season 1, the Lucifer-Maze dynamic was genuinely my favorite thing about this show, but... ever since season 2 or so, it’s gotten increasingly less and less enjoyable because Lucifer just treats her like shit, all the freaking time. He is so dismissive of her, so disrespectful. They were... supposed to be best friends? Have been for millennia? And he’s still like “oh well, I just didn’t think of taking you to hell” and “of course can’t a demon get a soul, don’t be ridiculous”. And the problem isn’t necessarily that he doesn’t consider her feelings at all - I know that’s just who Lucifer is, that’s how he acts around literally everyone, he lacks empathy and doesn’t understand emotions. I know that, I understand that, it’s honestly part of his charm. I mean, it’s part of his personality, if that’d bother me, I wouldn’t be watching the show.

The problem is that this, with Maze, has become a pattern much like the thing with Dan. It’s become repetitive and annoying. Maze thinks she should be able to rely on Lucifer, to trust him to have her back (that belief has to root from something), he is dismissive of her, she grows angry and resentful, she... ends up joining the bad guy of the season because he promises her something, she betrays Lucifer, they have an epic show-down. Next season, rinse and repeat. It’s getting boring.

I’m also personally disappointed that we only had Trixie and Maze interact once, shortly. Their dynamic is genuinely my favorite. And that... Maze and Chloe basically didn’t have anything to do with each other after episode one? Sure, the rave, but that was a group hang, really. Maze kissed Chloe, Chloe dismissed that as Maze projecting a rebound onto her... and that was it. What was that? How did their friendship handle that? How did Maze actually feel? Eh, we had one wlw kiss in this season, that was kinda its whole purpose, really.

Maze’s plotline this season where her (justified) abandonment issues and... it just wasn’t handled well? Her mom, who had abandoned her, was just killed off instead of giving way to some proper resolution, or at least a real confrontation. Eve was only brought up in mentioning, but not brought back. Maze kissed Chloe and after that their friendship kind of disappeared off the screen but that’s not being addressed as part of the abandonment issues. And Lucifer continues to abandon Maze, in a well-established pattern.

[travllingbunny]

The 100: 7x09 The Flock

And finally, the end of my and @jeanie205‘s little rewatch, and the last review I still have to post before the show’s return. And for once, I can write a shorter review than usual, because this episode isn’t all that interesting. It’s my least favorite episode at least since mid-season 5.

I have liked season 7 more than most people seem to - even though I miss Bellamy and want to see more focus on Clarke, and I’ve mostly been patient about waiting for the story to really kick into gear. I understand that BTS issues have affected the season and caused a lot of rewrites, that the first half of the season was mostly setup or it focused on developing stories for other characters (and I have enjoyed many of them, especially for Octavia, Murphy, Emori, Diyoza and Indra).

But the pacing hasn’t been the greatest, and that particularly became obvious with this episode. There was no reason to stall the action and go back and waste this entire episode on flashbacks to the 3 months that Echo, Hope, Octavia and Diyoza spent training to become Disciples. Some of this could have been included in 7x07, and this episode could have featured maybe 5-10 minutes of flashbacks and then returned to the present day action, instead of leaving Clarke, Raven, Miller, Jordan and Niylah in that same Stone Room where they have been for 3 (soon to be 4) episodes, and completely leaving them out of this episode.

I’m not even speaking from the perspective of a Clarke fan here - I enjoyed the Skyring storyline in 7x02 and 7x04. But these extended flashbacks strike me as unnecessary and far more predictable than the writers seemed to think. It’s not like we needed to see why they agreed to join the Disciples - we know it, they had no choice and that was the best solution at the moment. Clarke may be wondering whose side they are on and if they have been brainwashed, but we know better. It was never a mystery for the viewers. And this episode’s Bardo scenes are no “1984″, we aren’t wondering “oh no, are they really brainwashed?” There is little ambiguity - except maybe for Echo, the only one we could maybe wonder about “is she really going to be loyal to the Disciples now?” - but even that isn’t because she seems to have drunk the Kool-Aid, but because she may just think there isn’t anything better to do and no one else to follow. And that is probably not what’s going on, though it would probably be more interesting than the more probable and predictable plot about Echo pretending to be loyal to the Disciples while planning revenge on them.

Maybe it would be different if this episode had the Disciples deliver some important new info that would convince both the characters and the viewers that the “last war” is really something worth fighting. But the show keeps withholding information about what these concepts are - who is the Last War to be fought against? What is transcendence? And no one seems to ask about it - or they do, but off-screen.

In the meantime, the Sanctum storyline reached its climax - Sheidheda revealing himself, killing a bunch of people and staking his claim to the throne, so to speak - but it’s a climax that pretty much everyone has been expecting since Sheidheda took over Russell’s body in the season premiere. What’s worse is that this was made to happen through an incredibly OOC action by Indra. And I don’t think many will miss the Faithful - an incredibly annoying bunch of minor characters. (They are, of course, some of the titular “flock”, together with the Disciples. We get it! It’s all about blind faith and worshiping false gods! The entire season has been hammering it home!)

The episode started well, with Anders taking HEDO to the surface of Bardo to show them the crystallized forms of the extinct Bardoans. I guess the giant aliens story was true after all. This made Octavia realize “Gabriel saved us” (so I guess they won’t be too angry at him when they see him again, which they haven’t so far), It was supposed to show what kind of threat the humans are facing in the last war. Except that was all the info we got on that subject. No one asked: Who is the enemy? Where are they? When will they attack? Why do you need the Key to fight that war? Or, if they did, it was off-screen. (Surely they would have asked some questions during those 3 months?)

Instead, we get to hear more details about the Bardo society. They grow babies artificially, like Primes did with the other people in Sanctum. Not a huge surprise. They don’t want any family relationships, just like they don’t want any friendships or romantic relationships, no individual ties, except the worship of the Shepherd. We already knew that. We get it, they are ultra-collectivist. They want to get rid of emotions, etc.

We don’t know for sure how they feel about sex (if it is fully forbidden, or if it’s allowed if it’s supervised and people get approved sex partners they exchange on a regular basis, as in some dystopias) - so I’m not sure how they (would) feel about Octavia and Levitt getting it on, which was one of the few new developments in this episode (also easily predictable, especially after their tender face touching scene in 7x06). Echo mentions at one point that the Disciples are always watching them - so does that mean Anders also watched Octavia and Levitt having sex? Surely Anders must be aware of their relationship, or at least that Levitt is really into Octavia? I’ve always been open about my lack of enthusiasm for this romance, but I generally support the idea of Octavia getting a chance to enjoy herself with a nice hot guy who’s helpful. 

But Anders even letting Levitt be involved in their training and testing, without controlling him, makes no sense, unless Anders is incredibly stupid. This has been my problem with this storyline all along. I’m never sure if Anders is really that stupid to trust Levitt, or if he has some kind of smart plan and has been using Levitt on purpose to get Octavia to join the Disciples. There has been speculation about whether Levitt himself is manipulating Octavia, and/or she is manipulating him - and a part of me would want some of that to be true: this relationship and this entire plot would be a lot more interesting if they were manipulating each other (while also liking each other), but I don’t think that’s the case. Levitt is probably exactly what he seems to be, and I don’t think the writing here is that smart. But I can at least hope that Anders is not a total idiot and that he’s figured out Levitt is helping Octavia, but decided to use him anyway. 

Now, I did have a tiny flicker of hope that Levitt may be intended to be seen as a more ambiguous figure - when he was rating HEDO for “participation, stamina, strength and speed” (he rated Hope 1 for participation) - and Diyoza was suspicious of him and asked him: "You always have so many jobs?"

Another “are the Disciples really that stupid?” moment was when Levitt randomly told HEDO that they keep samples of the same Gem 9 that killed the native Bardoans, and that could kill everyone on Bardo. Why the heck would they be keeping it, let alone telling people about it? Does Levitt want HEDO to kill everyone on Bardo? I hope this is fake info and another test - but I fear this is just bad writing and a clumsy exposition to set up the Chekov’s Gun that our protagonists will be tempted to use.

We also learn Anders was Orlando's mentor, It’s weird that Hope mentions him as a way to try to get Anders upset (you’d think she would also be upset, since she made him think she was his friend and betrayed him). But Anders remain calm and cold, and Hope only gets upset when he mentions Dev.  

If there is any ambiguity, it’s only with regard to Echo - she is probably just pretending, too, but there’s a tiny possibility that she really has decided to join them because she needs to be a soldier and have a war to fight and someone to follow. which has been established as her trait. And Echo does point out that the brainwashed Disciples children have it much better than she ever did with Azgeda. Hope throws that into her face here when she says “You just like someone to give you orders”. But that’s probably just a red herring.

The Disciples breed a limited number due to the limited resources, Why don’t they all instead just go to Sanctum, or Skyring?

The simulations were somewhat interesting, but it was pretty clear that Diyoza, Octavia and Echo were pretending to be able to kill Hope because they were threatened they would be sent to Skyring individually to die alone. Diyoza even straight up told Hope it’s what they need to do, and Echo noted “they are watching us all the time” before starting to talk about how the Disciples have convinced her to believe in their goal. Hope was acting like a child and was unable to pretend - because she is still inexperienced, she has spent most of her life on Skyring with just a few people. Now, I did gasp at first when I saw Echo killing Hope, and to be fair, I can see Echo killing Hope in real life, but Diyoza and Octavia killing Hope? Hell no. 

The only thing that made me think a little bit was - is every detail in the fear simulations planned by the Disciples (probably Levitt) - or do their own minds fill in the blanks? In Echo's simulation, Hope told her "they took Bellamy from you" and called her out “I thought Bellamy meant something to you". If that was a product of Echo’s own mind, it’s a bit like Clarke calling herself out through Blodreina in her mindspace in season 6 - “I thought you cared about Bellamy” - which was the embodiment of her guilt. That would support the idea that Echo is not planning revenge, because why would she be calling herself out in her subconsciousness? But that’s a moot point if it’s all designed by Levitt.

Speaking of which, has Levitt seen Echo’s, Diyoza’s and Hope’s memories, and has he seen anything past Octavia’s season 3 memories? That has never been clear - the Disciples don’t know Clarke doesn’t still have the Flame, but they knew what Gabriel looked like (in 7x01), which they could have only learned from Octavia... and Octavia here says “You’ve seen me at my worst”, which seems to imply he saw her as Blodreina.

But while Echo may have wanted to save Hope from a worse fate when she sentenced her to 5 years on Skyring, that’s cold comfort since 5 years all alone would be terrible and drive anyone insane. (It did with Orlando.) Somehow I doubt Hope will get to be sent there - something will happen and she will probably be saved from that.

The highlight of this episode for me ended up being the mention of Etherea- because it confirms some of my theories and it’s a new planet we will be seeing soon and where Bellamy probably is.

On Sanctum, Emori is put in danger again, as Nikki’s hostage - and Murphy is worried and trying to save her. Which has been a recurring theme - it’s the only way to make people care about this plot. I doubt that many people care about the Faithful, a bunch of stupid a-holes who have so recently planned to burn their own children out of their misguided faith. I did feel a little tinge of sympathy for Jeremiah, the guy who keeps thanking Murphy for saving his son - because the guy is so clueless that he doesn’t seem to understand that he himself had the agency to decide what happens to his son. But this is probably why Madi’s friend is shown here with Madi (his name is Rex, according to the credits - he is the Sanctum boy who clearly doesn’t follow in his parents’ footsteps and invited the null boy from CoG to play soccer with him) - we need to see someone who will be hurt by what happens when Sheidheda kills these people. (The trailer shows Rex grieving one of the victims in the next episode.)(Trey, the “adjustor” who brainwashed Jordan and acted as the leader of the Faithful in earlier episodes, was not in this episode, so I’m afraid that a-hole is still around.)

But Murphy and Emori did have good moments in this episode. Both were very brave - Emori did not allow Nikki to use her to blackmail Murphy, and Murphy, this time, wasn’t just desperately worried about Emori’s life - but he offered his own life for hers. (He claimed to be the one responsible for Hatch’s death by saying it was his idea to use the prisoners - which is true; the part he left out is that it was Raven’s idea to lie to them.) This is huge - he has been willing to do a lot to save Emori, but has never offered to sacrifice himself for someone before, not even for her. The closest he had come to it before was telling her and Monty to leave him to save themselves in 5x13. 

And Murphy's line to Jackson "I'm 150 pounds wet and you can’t fight to save your life” was one of the highlights of the episode. 

Another development is that Indra and the others finally know that Clarke, Raven, Gaia, Miller and others are missing - but they still don’t seem to have any idea where they may be.

Sheidheda quoting Casablanca is one of the weirder moments of this season. I suppose he may have know about it from Becca or some of the other early Grounders.

Apart from being kind of boring, this episode’s biggest problem is what Indra does at the end. Of course Indra wants Sheidheda dead, but it would be a lot more in character if she killed him herself. She could have pulled a gun and shot him in the head the moment they had resolved the situation. She should be aware of what a good fighter Shady is, and that everyone in Sanctum sucks at fighting (especially when they’re not high on red toxin).

On rewatch, I realized that, while Knight (the Sangedakru who stans Shady) and another Grounder knelt immediately, Penn (who is Trikru) and another Grounder just stood there - so we’ll see how divided or not the Grounders will be about him in 7x10.

Rating: 4/10

[sunshineamalia]

Natasha Romanoff Aprreciation Post

Be warned, this post contains HUGE endgame spoilers

So I’ve noticed on my tumblr scrollings that Natasha isn’t getting quite the love she deserves/people are mad about her death and I’m here to give her all the love she deserves and bring peace for her death.

Natasha is BY FAR the character that grew the most throughout all the movies--some of it because of old standards of portraying women that can be seen in the earlier ones. Every movie she opened up just a little bit more and a little bit more--until in Endgame she accepts the Avengers as her FAMILY. Having a group to call family is something Natasha is completely new to, something that was taken away from her when she was stolen from her own and raised to be an assassin.

Iron Man 2:

Iron Man 2 is the first movie that we ever see Natasha in--and while I love the fact that we got to see a woman kicking butt like this, I feel like she was mostly there to be sexy for the men in the audience. Even if there were women (like me!!) who were excited to finally see a woman fighting like this, I still think the movie was representative of the old values in portraying women.

Avengers:

I think the Avengers is really the first time we start to get more of a sense for who Natasha really is. This is the first time we hear about her past and the red in her ledger, which Loki tells us about, and how Clint recruited her to SHIELD on a mission where he was sent to kill her. Then Loki asks if she loves him and her response is, “Of course not, love is for children, I owe him a debt.” 

While I was super excited to see a boss woman like this, I had just accepted the fact that any movie with a strong woman would make her feel close to no emotions and just be a rock--which couldn’t be more untrue. But in the context of her whole time in the MCU, I know that at this time she was scared. She doesn’t know what it’s like to love anyone and she’s scared that if she does or if she starts to trust anyone, they’ll just betray her. Natasha is powerful and strong and she is scared. Scared to love, scared to trust, and scared to feel. 

Captain America: The Winter Soldier:

The Winter Soldier was SUPER exciting for me! We got to see BA Natasha beating up bad-guys, but we also got to see Natasha joking around and teasing Steve. In this movie we start to see her open up just a little bit. She’s still untrusting and she’s still scared, but we get to see her personality opening a little more.

But at the end, she does something SO COOL. When she hacks into SHIELD’s database to expose them as hydra, she will also be exposing herself--to the people who call her a hero! As Pierce had been working for SHIELD for a long time, he knew Natasha. He knew what she had to hide and he knew she was terrified, so he used that against her, telling her that everyone would know. How does she respond? She looks him dead in the eyes and releases that information onto the internet. She faced her fears and released information to bring down a corrupt organization--at her own cost. 

She has red in her ledger and she’s trying to wipe it out.

Avengers: Age of Ultron:

Say what you will about Age of Ultron and Natasha’s relationship with the Hulk, but Natasha REALLY opened up in this movie.

As you can see she’s still kicking butt, as per usual (u go queen). What’s different this time, however, is that I think this is one of the first times we see her working as a team. While she did that in Avengers and TWS, I feel like this time she really relies on and trusts her team. “Can someone deal with that? Thank you.”

Additionally, she’s the only one who can calm Bruce down when he’s the hulk (which is pretty dope). This of course has to do with their romantic involvement, but also shows a part of Natasha that we have never seen before: her gentle, loving, and caring side. Then when we see her with Clint’s kids we see this maternal side of her that we never have before.

We learn a tiny bit of her history in the Red Room, which builds our understanding of her. But her being reminded of this also leads to her opening up SO MUCH to Bruce. She TELLS him what it was like in the Red Room. She tells him that they made her into a monster and an assassin and she’s trying to be better. She’s CRYING when she tells him about how they made it so she can never have children. While she would never show that side of herself to anyone else (except for maybe Clint), her opening up to someone else was a HUGE step for her.

Captain America: Civil War:

By this movie Natasha sees the Avengers as her friends. “Staying together is more important than how we stay together.” She loves the Avengers and she loves who she is with the Avengers. In fact, I think she loves the Avengers mor than any other character--she finally feels like the red in her ledger is being wiped out. This probably informs her decision to sign the Sokovia Accords because she doesn’t want to stop being an Avenger and she wants to be there with her friends. 

Then at the end she has to choose between letting Steve go and stop the plot to awaken more winter soldiers, and becoming a criminal again, “putting red back in her ledger” (I know that what she did wasn’t like red bad but it was still a crime) and she chooses to let Steve go. When given the choice between herself and saving the world, she chooses saving the world, forcing her to leave the Avengers--the only people that feel like family

Avengers: Infinity War:

There’s not much of Natasha in this movie, but what we do have is golden. She’s on the run again, but this time she’s with friends. This time she’s helping people. This time she’s a hero--even if she’s technically a criminal. And don’t get me STARTED on the scene where she teams up with Okoye and Wanda to kill Proxima Midnight AAAHHHHH. She goes from not being much of a team player to “She’s not alone.” YAAASSS QUEEN I LOVE YOU 

Avengers: Endgame:

And of course, we have the big one: Endgame.

Wow.

11 years of character development lead us to this moment.

While everyone else is off dealing with the snap in their own way, where is Natasha?

At the Avengers headquarters, still helping people, and trying her best to not only help herself with the snap, but the rest of the universe. She’s really so amazing in this scene, clearly sad and probably barely coping--yet helping the world get back on its feet and the snap.

Then we have the time heist and she goes back in time with her best friend in the world to Vormir. I think this might be the first time we ever see her smile. REALLY smile. When Clint says “Under any other circumstances, this would be the best time of life,” she has the BIGGEST smile I think I have ever seen in any Marvel movie. So pure, yet it comes from the person with the darkest back story. So joyful, yet there is so much pain there. This is when she finally starts to feel like a human and not just the assassin she was trained to be. Natasha is SO HAPPY to be back with the Avengers--happier than anyone else--and to be doing her major part to save the world.

Then we get to Vormir. 

Vormir.

They’re greeted by Red Skull and he says her fathers name, Ivan--a name she had never even heard before. I originally felt it was kind of weird to randomly introduce her father here until I realized it was her motivation. 

Natasha never knew her father. Never had a chance to celebrate birthdays with him, bring home nervous boyfriends to the intimidating father, and just get to spend time with him. She never had any of that. Instead she got a red room and lessons that almost broke her and brutal graduation ceremonies and no love.

She does not want that for Clint’s kids. While none of them would ever have to go through quite what she did, they would never get their father back. They would have to live the rest of their life without him. Natasha has no one--and she knows that. She knows that it has to be her.

Clint, however, loves her. He loves her so much. She is his best friend in the world and being the cause of her death would eat him up for the rest of his life.

In this moment there is nothing else they love more in the world than each other.

A pretty far way from “love is for children.”

So they fight it out, each one trying to save the other--but ultimately Natasha wins. She smiles up at Clint. “It’s okay.” Then he’s forced to let her go.

Natasha finally feels real. She finally feels like a person. She finally feels human. She finally lets herself love. And she loves so much that she knows she must be the one to sacrifice herself for half the universe.

Now I say to all of you who have a problem with Natasha dying where she did, what would you have rather had happened? She just lets Clint die and wastes all of that character development? Absolutely not! She LOSES to Clint? No. Her death was the culmination of 11 years worth of character development, 11 years of learning, 11 years of growth. While her death is devastating, it is beautiful. A hero’s death made by a real hero—something that we rarely see women in fiction do.

Dear Natasha Romanoff,

There was red in your ledger, but you wiped it out. You saved us. We won because of you.

Thank you Natasha. You are the strongest avenger.

[nadziejastar]

You mentioned that Monsters Inc. had many more guidelines than Toy Story. Was that the one that had perhaps the most guidelines or was there one that had even more?

Tetsuya Nomura: Frozen had the most.

I imagine if you want part of a level to be behind the Monsters Inc. factory, you could ask them what they think that would look like. You could ask them to try and provide some suggestions or fill in some of their vision. Whereas for Aladdin, for instance, that's not possible anymore. Being able to quiz those people. So is that also helpful in some respects?

Tetsuya Nomura: Since you mention Aladdin, I'll just use Aladdin as an example. Since there isn't anyone that we could ask about adding more areas to Aladdin, it was actually easier because we could just create them on our own.

I’m glad you recommended that video to me. I completely agree with it. The theory is that Arendelle was changed from how it was originally envisioned by the KH3 team. The original plot was supposed to revolve around Elsa and her struggle with the darkness. Her ice palace was a dungeon, she would be the final boss of the level, and the ultimate outcome was for her to give into the darkness. It all makes perfect sense.

Larxene: I mean, just look at how icy her palace is---made of magic she forced herself to keep hidden until now. What if it’s dark magic?

Sora: Elsa would never rely on the darkness!

Larxene: Actually, it’s still too early to call. Depends on how she sees it. If she believes her magic is darkness, that’s what it will become. Accepting her power, whatever it is, is the only way she can set her heart free.

This whole concept was wasted. Hans came out of nowhere, said nothing and felt so random. It definitely felt like he was added at the last minute. The video theorizes that Disney originally was going to let Nomura do what he wanted with the plot, but since the movie became such a huge hit, Disney became a lot more restrictive about what they let Square do with the I.P. They probably didn’t want Elsa being depicted as “dark” otherwise it will traumatize little kids...or something. In the end, Disney did more harm than good, since everyone thinks the Frozen level was a huge missed opportunity. 

Nomura: Usually when we think about making a game, we choose from works already available to the public. However for Frozen, when we were selecting the worlds, Disney showed us the preview before it was finished, and we liked it enough to continue the discussion to include it in the game. We decided on the inclusion before the movie was premiered, so we were lucky that it was a huge success (laughs).  

Nomura said hat he wanted to include Frozen in KH3 even before the movie ever released publicly. So, it had nothing to do with its popularity. And it’s not hard to see why he wanted it in KH3. Thematically, it is perfect for KH3. Elsa’s darkness was fueled by her thinking her power was bad. She isolated herself from everyone and it fueled her darkness. Darkness is not necessarily evil. It can be sadness, loneliness, fear, etc. 

Riku: I can't go home---not yet. It's still here. It's really faint, but I can sense him. So I think his darkness may still have a hold on me.

Mickey: Your darkness belongs to you. Just the same way your light does. Up till now, I thought darkness was something that should never exist. Then I spent time with you and changed my mind. The road you chose---I didn't know. Light and dark, back to back. With you, I think they might meet in a way nobody's seen before. Wonder where that road leads. I'd like to see myself.

It’s why a parallel was drawn between Elsa and Riku. He avoided Sora because he thought he had a dark power that he couldn’t control. He wanted to protect Sora, but was too ashamed to see him. It also ties into the power of waking. Although Elsa struggled with the darkness, she was still the one who was able to bring Anna back. And Riku was the one who was able to use the power of waking on Sora in KH3D.

Ansem: Sora was the only one able to return to his human form without destroying his Nobody. That is a statement to the love in his heart for other people, and the bonds that tie them together. Perhaps...he has the power to bring back the hearts and existences of those connected to him-- to recreate people we thought were lost to us forever.

The whole idea that love will thaw a frozen heart is seriously too perfect for KH3. It’s what Ansem’s research was supposed to be all about. 

Ansem the Wise: I am to blame. When I met Riku the first time he still had the appearance of a boy. Probably because he had such a strong heart. I asked him to find a young man named Roxas from Organization XIII, and bring him to me. When I told him it would help Sora awaken from his slumber, Riku left without a word. He fought Roxas. And I can only surmise Riku lost that fight. Riku must have realized then: to fight in the realm of darkness, he would have to immerse himself in that same darkness. And when he did...you saw what became of him. When Riku brought Roxas back to me, he was introducing himself...as Ansem. If that was what it took to awaken his friend, he was ready to live in darkness. Riku was the victim of my revenge. ...Oh, how my heart ached. I could only laugh to hide my shame.

Mickey: I guess it musta been after that when I saw Riku again. He said he wanted to help Sora...but he made me promise--- Promise that Sora wouldn't ever find out about what happened to him while he was out in the darkness.

Ansem the Wise: My friend, the time has come. I must make amends to these young people.

And Ansem the Wise was the one whose sacrifice allowed Riku to change back, too. Seeing Sora and Riku’s bond helped thaw his heart. Seriously, this world should have had a LOT more impact of the main story than it did. It’s sad that it was planned to be included so many years in advance, and most people thought it felt pointless to the main story.

“Missions… speaking of that, don’t you find what we’re actually doing pretty unclear?” Larxene asked, and then stood next to Marluxia.

“In order to take back our hearts,” said Marluxia, repeating Xemnas’ exact words.

Larxene cast her eyes down for a moment. “But I don’t really want or need a heart. It’s painful with a heart. Right now I’m pretty comfortable,” she muttered.

I’m pretty sure Larxene being the main villain of Arendelle world was also supposed to tie into her backstory. In the novel, it’s hinted that she was hurt in the past. She said having a heart was painful. It’s probably why she’s so nasty, especially to men.

“It makes me tingle to think how easily you were duped! So close—we were almost there. This was our only chance to turn the Keyblade master into our puppet! But that—that jerk Axel—he used Naminé and betrayed us!” Larxene spat viciously and stalked toward Sora.

Everyone’s just been getting in the way, she thought. The Keyblade master, Axel, Naminé—they’re all just getting in our way. Why do they want to screw up all our plans? All we want is…

Maybe she was supposed to have some kind of redemption to thaw her frozen heart.

[necer0s]

So I’m catching up on Miraculous Ladybug at long last (I finished season one when it was out and never got around to watching later episodes when they came out) and I thought I’d just put all my reactions in one post so as not to go overboard.  

So first off, I really like that they opened the season with the Gabriel=Hawkmoth reveal?  Obviously it wasn’t much of a reveal at that point, but it’s good that they didn’t waste any time.  And they immediately set us up for future speculation by revealing that Nathalie knows about Hawkmoth at the same time-- also good!  Plus, I like how GabeMoth deceived our heroes about his identity.  The conclusion they reached about “he was akumatized so he can’t be Hawkmoth” seems a little shaky to me (how do they know that’s not just another application of his power-granting powers?) but the deception was well-crafted and well-acted, and I can absolutely see how it would fool two children who desperately want to believe the best of him.  

Despair Bear:  I like seeing Chloe’s softer side (one-dimensional bullies bore me) but I love seeing Hawkmoth literally go “ah yes, people in close proximity to Chloe Bourgeois, the perfect opportunity to akumatize someone.”  

Riposte:  God, Ladrien is my favorite dynamic in the love square.  They’re both with the person they like… but they don’t want to act like they’re interested in that person in their current form… how terrible!  

I also like the “akuma alert” that shows up in this episode.  Paris has gotten really used to this, huh?  (I guess it’s not surprising, since there’s literally never any lasting damage.)  

I have to say, I really prefer these episodes that spend most of their time on fighting the villain rather than on the high school drama.  

Also… there are people who ship Ladybug/Kagami, right?  Because Kagami staring at Ladybug when she tells her everything is alright is just… *chef kiss* perfection.  That’s the kind of wonder-filled stare that crushes are built around.  (Of course, as a big fan of poly resolutions to love triangles, I’m hoping that Luka will have a similar moment with Adrien so I can build a proper shipping tesseract.)

Befana:  I haven’t actually started watching the episode yet as I write this, but seeing the blurb say that Marinette’s grandma gets akumatized is giving me Thoughts about Paris’s culture and society in the wake of the whole akumatization thing.  Like, insulting someone or being overly cruel to them is just actively dumb, obviously-- you might not suffer permanent harm, but the next couple hours probably won’t be pleasant for you if Hawkmoth is paying attention.  In a non-kid’s-show universe, anyone with common sense would be unusually concerned about hurting people’s feelings at all times.  There’s a lot of “utopia-looking dystopia” potential in something like that....  (Of course, as I watch the episode and it transpires that Grandma is deeply out of touch with current Paris, this seems oddly prophetic.  Kagami was from out of town as well… hmmm….)

  Also: Marinette’s parents fistbumping is Super Cute and I love it.  

Random thought while watching:  Do you think one of the reasons people always run away from Akumas is to give Ladybug and Cat Noir plausible deniability?  

Another aside:  It’s always kind of weird when the dub is Really Obvious about having changed something.  They really think we can’t recognize that the “fairies” here are supposed to be angels?  

My new favorite part of this episode:  Befana making Hawkmoth say “please”.  God, I love her.

Tangent:  I wish they would do more with the purified butterflies.  If they can’t follow them back to Hawkmoth, is it at least possible that they could destroy them?  Hawkmoth seems to have a limited number of them.  Maybe normal damage wouldn’t do anything, but if Cataclysm happens to have not been used yet in the fight, surely that would be enough to destroy the butterfly?  If that became a thing, it would add two interesting new elements to every fight:  a slow countdown to Hawkmoth eventually becoming powerless, and a struggle for Cat Noir to not have to use his power.  

Robostus:  ...The technology level in this is kind of weird.  Not super weird, given how recently this was made, but at least a little weird.  

I really like this akuma?  He’s asking questions of Hawkmoth, unlike most people.  And his tech-control may be the most powerful akuma we’ve ever seen. 

And he’s the first akuma to betray Hawkmoth!  Damn, I love this little guy.  I wonder if this is why Hawkmoth usually hands out relatively weak powers?

Glaciator:  I hate episodes where Marinette is the cause for someone’s akumatization.  I mean, it’s good to have flawed heroes and all, but it’s just so awkward to watch.  Though I do like that she immediately recognized that she was cruel and felt bad about it, instead of needing a hamfisted moral.

I know I said before that Ladrien was my favorite dynamic, but Marichat is pretty great too.  Removing the pressure of the crush from both sides gives us a great chance to see how they work as friends.

Sapotis:  Random thought:  What does Hawkmoth do with his cane when he’s using both hands to infuse a butterfly?  Does it just stand on its own?

Here’s another akuma that I really like.  Multiplying powers are perfect for overwhelming the heroes and for protecting the core object.  “When they eat” is a decent limitation to make it possible for them to eventually be defeated, too.

I like that handing out the Fox Miraculous wasn’t an easy choice.  It’s kind of a big deal!  I do think that it’s kind of a weird choice, though-- why should Marinette particularly think that illusions will be helpful in dealing with this?  (For that matter, what makes Fox Illusions important enough to be one of the five central Miraculouses?  The Butterfly makes sense-- handing powers out to other people is a huge power-- but illusions just don’t seem to measure up against stuff like the Rabbit’s time travel.  I have to think that the Fox has more powers to unlock, just like the Ladybug and the Cat.)

Huh, Alya detransformed faster than Marinette even though she had spent less time transformed and used her power later.  That seems to suggest that practice extends how long they can use their powers…  Which makes sense, given Hawkmoth’s ability relative to theirs.  That’s probably why his powers (and Fluff’s, later in the series) are so much stronger, as well… it’s just that it’s hard to judge the strength of most of the powers we’ve seen so far.

Gorizilla:  Hey, Gabriel Agreste?  Do me a favor and DIE HORRIBLY.

Captain Hardrock:  ...So, is Luka being written as autistic-coded?  It seems like he can communicate more easily through music, which (while I’m not entirely sure if that’s a real way autism can manifest) is definitely a way it gets written in some stories.  

Alya: “Some of us are still chained up here, could you stop flirting for one second?”  (I love her so much)

Okay, I’m not a musician, but can Adrien and Gabriel just… play a solo piece as a duet?  Don’t you need a song written for that purpose?

Everyone already knows that Adrien and Luka had just as much a meet-cute as Luka and Marinette did, right?  Good, good.  The Ship Tesseract is a go.

Frightningale:  Marinette is very cute when she gets excited about her idols.

Tikki explicitly and casually saying that she’s proud of Marinette is A+, very excellent.

Plagg: “That costume is what you really wanted deep down, isn’t it?”  What.  WHAT???  So… Miraculous costumes are shaped by the desires of their holders?  I love it.  I love it!  That opens such a delightful future opportunity for showcasing character growth, it’s perfect.

Adrien shows up dressed as Cat Noir:  Marinette.exe has stopped working.

...I really wish they would take this episode as a chance to explicitly say that Miraculous Magic helps protect their identities.  That really needs to be canonized if people are going to stop looking like morons.

Syren:  Wow, we’re jumping right into this akuma.  Very promising for my enjoyment of the episode!  And a delightfully interesting akuma, too-- I’m a big fan of terrain control as a power.

New transformation sequence!  New powers!  I love this whole episode.

And Adrien getting to meet Master Fu is also Very Good.  He deserves it.

Zombizou: Another excellent episode.  I love this Akuma’s power… all the cute of a romance with all the horror of zombies.  A delightfully unusual combination that could only occur in Miraculous Ladybug.

And some delightful character growth for Chloe, which I love. 

 Frozer:  Okay, Cat Noir grabbing a rose to give to Ladybug is cute and all, but… roses are expensive, you know?  It’s like he just swiped a few dollars out of this guys hand.

Kagami, who ships Marinette/Adrien as much as anyone else in the school:  Change targets, Adrien.  Adrien:  *hands her a rose*  Kagami:  Wrong target!

...Yeah, Adrien does not have a lot of good options for love advice around him.  But wow, going to Marinette is hands-down the cruelest and dumbest thing he could do.  

God, I love Marinette’s friends.  They have their own personal fandom going on here, don’t they?

Aaaww, Gorilla Bodyguard is nice.  It’s a shame that he never talks, honestly.

You know, I’m really trying to ship this poly quartet, but it just isn’t doing much for me tbh.

I do like the different forms (and the different transformation sequences) but I have to wonder what the rest of them do.  Surely they can’t all be for dealing with different kinds of environments? There just aren’t that many environments that need magical assistance to deal with.  Underwater, on ice… I can imagine flight, fire resistance, and maybe digging, but that only gets us to five out of seven potions.  It’s hard to think of two more environment adaptations that wouldn’t be covered by the first five.  There must be at least one that has a different kind of power.

Remember how I really enjoy episodes that spend a lot of time with the akuma?  That goes in reverse for episodes that spend a lot of time on stalling relationship drama.  If anyone was actually making any kind of progress, that would be one thing, but as it is…

Style Queen:  Tikki playing Marinette’s crush on Adrien against her crippling insecurity is just hilarious to me.  I don’t know why.

...I really hope this interview isn’t going out live.  Poor Chloe.  She doesn’t deserve that.

Tikki:  *encourages Marinette in every possible way when she’s anxious*  Plagg:  You feel awkward?  It’s because you look dumb.  

How the heck did all of Marinette’s classmates and family get seats in this highly prestigious fashion show?  Front-row seats, no less?  (I could understand a couple tickets for close family and friends, but this is a little excessive.)

Wow, Nathalie is really good at this “accidental” infuriation thing.  

(Side note:  I really like the touch of having Chloe so thoroughly imitate her mother as to even walk like her.  It serves a delightful dual narrative purpose of both explaining much of Chloe’s cruelty and of making Audrey’s cruelty to her daughter even more heartbreaking.)

Okay, again:  How did Nino get the gig of doing music for this highly prestigious fashion show?  Like, did Adrien cash in every favor he had with his father?  And why are all the other rows of the audience still empty?  I normally don’t notice or care about animation shortcuts, but this is all very glaring.

...God, Chloe wants to please her mother so much she’ll even help her akumatized self.  That’s just depressing.

Plaggaclysm is an absolute goddamn delight.  (And, you know, utterly terrifying.)  It makes me wonder what Tikki’s unrestrained power looks like.

Okay, as someone who’s been spoilered a lot, I always wondered how Marinette managed to lose a Miraculous so badly that it ended up in Chloe’s hands, but this is actually a really good explanation-- she thought that the magic clean-up of Miraculous Ladybug would have sent it back.  Which makes sense!  That’s the kind of put-things-back-where-they-were that we might often see from a Miraculous Ladybug.  It’s not great that she just assumed that without checking, but it’s not unreasonable either.

Troublemaker:  ...So, is this out of order or something?  Or is there a deliberate gap between the two Queen episodes?

You know, it’s hard not to wonder sometimes why Hawkmoth keeps trying all these useless-seeming akumas all the time, but Troublemaker does a pretty good job stating their case-- sometimes you just get exactly the right circumstances for victory, even with a power that wouldn’t do much good anywhere else.  Intangibility wouldn’t be impressive outdoors or even in the Agreste mansion... but in a cramped Parisian apartment, she’s one of the most successful akumas ever created.

It’s nice that they’re actually showing us some emotional aftermath of an akumatization for once.  You can just feel that shame radiating off of Penny-- that sense of “how could I do that?  What will they think of me?”  It’s a nice thing to address.

You know what I just realized I desperately want?  I want post-reveal shenanigans where Tikki hangs out with Marinette’s other female friends.  They have such a great girl group, and Tikki would be so much fun hanging out with them.

Queen Wasp:  It’s interesting that Gabriel mentions a “promise” between him and Emilie.  That certainly seems to imply more than just him wanting to resurrect her.  I’m starting to see where the “maybe Emilie was evil too” headcanons come from.

Yay, Marinette’s getting what she deserves!  Boo, Chloe doesn’t deserve to have this happen in front of her!  Very mixed feelings.

...But wow, Chloe did not choose a great way to react to that.  I can’t blame her at all, but still…

I wish they’d given more time to the Queen Wasp fight.  I mean, I get that obviously they couldn’t do much since a single strike on her part would defeat them, but such a powerful akuma deserves more attention.

Chloe saying sorry is just… That’s Growth!

Reverser:  I’m enjoying this episode, but the number of people who seem honestly confused about the fact that Marc is an akuma is baffling.  It feels like this really ought to be a Season 1 episode.

This really seems like an episode where they should be handing out other Miraculouses to get some help?  I mean, Alix said it pretty explicitly.  I can imagine a lot of ways that Rena Rouge could help out here, for instance.  

Random thought:  How come Ladybug can capture and purify the akumas anyway?  It doesn’t really seem to fit Tikki’s theme of Creation.  Is it because she’s one of the top two Miraculouses, and therefore has some amount of power over the lesser Miraculous?  That would make sense, I suppose.  And I... guess it sort of counterbalances Plagg’s ability to destroy the Miraculouses.

Anansi:  Adrien excusing his father’s behavior as being “overprotective” is physically painful to me.  

Honestly, Nora has a point.  How are the people of Paris supposed to tell the difference between akumatized people and people in costumes?  (Well, presumably it’s easier to tell the difference in a non-animated world…)

Marinette being a Chaotic Good trickster is my everything.  Almost as much as Alya being all dramatic as she walks out is.

The irony of this ordinary, non-magical fighter saying that Alya, Marinette, Adrien, and Nino are clueless about the dangers of akumas is smothering.  

Is it just me, or does Marinette look unusually worried in this transformation sequence?  I thought they just reused the same thing multiple times, but this definitely isn’t her usual cheery transformation.

I’ve been waiting a long time for Cat Noir to use Cataclysm as a way to protect his Miraculous.  It’s a fairly obvious application of the power, and it’s nice to see that finally happen.

Ladybug:  This Cat empty, YEET!

God, Nino is a terrible liar.  Which puts him in good company in this show…

Malediktator:  Obviously we can’t have Chloe maintaining her positive character development.  Clearly, we need to backtrack that immediately!  /sigh…  I suppose it makes some sense in that she’s spending more time with her mother and learning from her.

I feel bad for the Mayor.  Audrey is too cruel to deal with, and Chloe follows her example.

I saw the “everyone celebrates Chloe leaving” bit coming a mile away, and I still laughed for a solid minute.  Of course, then Adrien has to come along and spoil it with her being his “childhood friend” and “the only person his age he knew for years”, but whatever.

God, I can’t believe the Lucky Charm in this episode.  Can we have more of that, please?  Massive laser gun weapons for the win.

The one thing I can’t stop thinking about is how Cat Noir’s Miraculous is clearly only saved by narrative convenience.  It’s frankly very jarring.

Sandboy:  Some interesting worldbuilding going on here.  Too bad it comes at the cost of Nooroo having to deal with Gabriel “Evil Bitch” Agreste.

Anyway, worldbuilding.  Miraculous holders can apparently control their kwamis!  That’s… awful.

And, as I’ve wondered for a while, it appears that the Miracle Box is in fact magical in and of itself, and not just a spiffy container for the Miraculouses-- it apparently has a kwami pocket dimension.  

Kwamis can’t say their owners’ names, which makes sense.

Nightmare!Adrien is horrifying.  

I’m a little disappointed with the singing kwamis.  That could have been a lot more mystical.

Adrien’s nightmare is… incredibly depressing and disturbing.  Yeesh.

Hawkmoth reverse-tracking the kwamis is hugely dangerous.  I hope Fu moves to a different apartment after this.  (And speaking of Fu, I’m a little disappointed by his nightmare.  I hoped for something a little more revealing.)

Have I told Gabriel Agreste to die in a fire recently?  Just in case… die in a fire, Gabriel Agreste.

Catalyst:  I’ve been looking forward to this one, yes I have…

God, there’s a statue of Adrien’s dead mom right outside his room?  Was his life not awful enough somehow?

Yeesh, Lila.  I probably should have rewatched Volpina at some point so I had a better sense of what’s going on with her, but there’s only so much Lila nonsense I want to deal with.  And apparently she’s lying to both her parents and to the school?  Honestly, why?

Ugh, Marinette lying.  Honestly, I just straight-up skipped past this.  Among my many personal problems with this, I also feel that having everyone say in front of the entire class what they’re doing for Heroes Day is… really weird?  I mean, that would be an unfair way to force children to compare themselves to each other even in a world without akumatizations-- and in this world, it’s an actively dumb thing to do.

Volpina(/Lila) is such an interesting character because she so entirely embraces the power Hawkmoth grants her, and is so willing to help him even when she loses that power.

Catalyst is a fascinating akuma choice.  I don’t think it would work for anyone but Nathalie, and for her it fits perfectly.  And from the very instant she appears, it’s obvious that she may well be the most valuable akuma ever created.

Watching people stare down the akumas is awesome, I have to say.  

I love these Miraculous handing-outs.  Alya once again proves herself the queen of everything.

Mayura:  Ohhhh yes. I’ve really been waiting for this one.

Dark Cupid + Scarlet Moth is a particularly inspired combination.  Honestly, at this end of the episode I can’t possibly imagine what would lead to Hawkmoth never doing this again.

Plagg sharing his cheese may be the most heartwarming moment this series has ever seen.

The Peacock Miraculous is fascinating in oh-so-many ways.  It creates (or maybe summons) creatures from strong emotions with a material focus, just like the Butterfly Miraculous.  What makes those two so different from seemingly every other Miraculous?  Is it something about the way they’re used?  And how was it damaged?  My initial guess is that some of the feathers were destroyed by a Cataclysm for some reason.

...It just occurred to me that Adrien probably thinks that Marinette is stammering and clumsy around lots of people.  (I feel like that’s been addressed in a previous episode, though…)

Having reached the end of the episode, I’m still not sure why they wouldn’t repeat the Catalyst -> Scarlet Moth -> Dark Cupid combo in the future.  As far as I can tell, there’s no downsides to this-- it seems to cost them no more than normal, and even if they can’t get Dark Cupid, the rest of the combo still works.  Why would Gabriel and Nathalie bring back Mayura and not Catalyst?  

Chameleon:  Ugh, Lila.  I honestly just skipped the first third of this episode and read a summary.  Her lying is painful in almost every way.

Fortunately, what she lacks in believability, she makes up in pure willing evil.  Grabbing an akuma and demanding to be akumatized?  That’s how you make a petty villain look dangerous.

(Also, “Oops!  I lied” is a fantastic line.  Slightly funny, dangerously unrepentant… delightful.)

Chameleon’s powers are an interesting twist on Lila’s usual Volpina powers.  They’re clearly weaker, but also more personal, and they allow the possibility of an actual attack with her kiss-- a capability that Volpina lacked.  On the whole, I find myself less impressed with these powers than with Volpina’s (not least thanks to Lila’s less-subtle actions this time around), but it at least opens up some future possibilities.  Still, I think for Lila to be a real threat in the future, she’s going to need to steal the Fox Miraculous.

Sigh… another disobedient akuma making things harder for Hawkmoth.  At this point, it’s less relieving than it is predictable.

Honestly, I really like the idea of Lila?  Marinette and Ladybug having the same dedicated enemy is something that the show otherwise lacks, and her use of lies morally opposes her to Marinette in an interesting way that could be used to explore the moral complications of the secret identity.  It just sucks that she’s so very poorly implemented.

(Side note:  I’m reading the Miraculous wiki of this episode, and it points out that Hawkmoth has tried to akumatize Marinette and gotten someone else twice now, and both times the new person has had kiss-based powers.  I wonder if that might be foreshadowing for what an eventual akumatized Marinette’s powers might look like?)

Backwarder:  Again, I’m skipping the first part and reading a summary.  I’m just… so tired of love square shenanigans.  There’s a reason I shouldn’t binge watch this show…

Hawkmoth in a train bathroom should be funny to me, but I just can’t comprehend that negative emotions are really so rare in Paris that he absolutely can’t miss this opportunity.

Hawkmoth is getting a dangerous amount of information about Fu from Backwarder here.  I’m increasingly starting to think that the first eventual Big Plot Development will be Hawkmoth finding Fu and either controlling him or taking some of the Miraculous or power-up potions from him.  

Really, Gabriel?  You couldn’t even skip your monologue on a public train?

I love that literally everyone who likes Marinette ships her and Adrien.  It’s adorable.

Weredad:  Listen.  Gigantitan was a cute gimmick once, when it was an accident.  And when Scarlet Moth showed up, there wasn’t any particular reason why he shouldn’t be re-akumatized.  But what could possibly possess Gabriel Agreste to repeat the event?  Gigantitan is almost completely incapable of stealing the Miraculous.

Anyway, skipping past the love square stalling nonsense…

Finally, an akuma who can grab the Miraculous when ordered.  

Eh.  I know it’s because I’m just so tired of the love square right now, but this episode did nothing for me.

Skipping Animaestro altogether.  I’ve heard nothing good and the summary looks to back that up.

Bakerix:  This really feels like it was supposed to come before Backwarder.  Is the train they’re unveiling somehow not the one the Agrestes rode in that episode?

You know, normally any plot that involves the words “get them back together again” worries me, but I find I have unusually high hopes for this one.  (Although the lying is not a great start…)

Marinette, you live in a bakery and you don’t tote bags of flour daily?  Pfft.  (Though with how huge her dad is…)

Granpda Dupain is seriously traditional.  They’re really playing that up.  Probably to distract from the otherwise-blatant racism metaphor of him disliking rice flour in the family bread.

Very cute ending!  And see, we can have a nice emotional episode without using the love square!

Silencer:  I debated whether or not to actually watch this, because Lukanette really doesn’t do much for me, but what the hell.

Wow, Bob Roth and XY are the scum of the earth.  

I love the Kitty Section visuals.  Armored death kitties is a flawless concept, without a doubt.

God, I love that Marinette sees this problem and her solution is just to go right to the top.  I feel like being Ladybug has altered her sense of scale.

It’s astonishing that Bob Roth can look at his son’s costume and unironically call Kitty Section an inferior garage band.

I am not thrilled with the way that Luka gets more coherent and talks less about music when he gets angry.  I don’t know why, but I don’t like it.

Huh.  I didn’t think Silencer could be an effective villain with his powers, but cancelling her active powers isn’t a bad move.

Cat Noir’s reaction to Ladybug’s loss of speech is priceless.  But boy, is he bad at charades.

...Shit, they really did make Silencer a scary villain.  Nicely done.

Aww, Lukanette is cute.  It’s too bad it’ll probably never get a fair shake.

Oblivio:  Another one I’ve heard a lot about.  Hell of a way to start the episode, that’s for sure.  

Adrien and Marinette “introducing” themselves is goddamn adorable.  Now this is my kind of love square content.

Ooooh, I love Oblivio’s design.  Super blank and creepy.  

Okay, question:  Is the highlight sight thing magical or not?  (Upon looking it up, it is apparently not.  I think we can all be forgiven for the mistake, given how it always shows up.)

“SuPeR PeNgUiNo”

Worldbuilding-wise, I think the most interesting part of this episode is the fact that two people can be akumatized into one villain.  There’s room for a particularly terrifying villain to be created in the future by combining Hawkmoth and Mayure...

Stormy Weather 2:  I’ve heard a lot of shit about this episode, but I like the start so far?  Let’s see where it goes.

Oh wait shit, is this a clip show?  Yuck.

Did Stormy Weather just summon a God Damn Volcano?  Holy shit.

This is frankly disappointing.  It’s not the worst clip show episode I’ve ever seen, but I wish they’d chosen a different villain to make a reappearance.

Locker Stalker Adrien will never not be funny to me.

Oni-Chan:  UGH, LILA.  Alright, let’s do this.  (Me, two minutes later:  UGH, LILA.)

Is the skylight above Emilie Agreste’s coffin new?  I don’t remember that being there.  It’s weird that they have two separate underground lairs with skylights.  How does no one notice that?

Adrien:  “I don’t have any girlfriend.  Plagg, claws out!”  Plagg:  Noooo there were so many things I wanted to say in response to that!

Huh.  Oni-chan’s powers are a little underwhelming, but very interesting.  And a reasonably interesting solution to fighting her, as well.

This is easily the cutest Adrigami has ever been.  If they were always like this, I would ship them a lot more.

Lila and Gabriel teaming up is honestly fascinating.  Each one of them thinks that they’re using the other, but Gabriel currently has the clear upper hand because he’s the only one who knows about Hawkmoth, which means he can play Lila from two different positions.  But Lila has an advantage of her own in that she doesn’t care whether Gabriel or Hawkmoth is manipulating her, because she’s already getting what she wants out of the bargain-- power and influence.  

Honestly, if it weren’t for the scenes where people inexplicably believe Lila’s more ridiculous lies, I would love her as a villain.

Miraculer:  Yet another episode I’ve been looking forward to!  I do love Chloe development.

Wooow.  That’s a dark scheming side of Nathalie we haven’t seen before.  I like it, but as always happens with Nathalie, I’m left wondering where her commitment to this plan comes from.  

Ah, Marinette.  So savage.  So delightful.

Remember me talking in the last ep about people believing the most ridiculous things from Lila?  Here we go again.

Mayura is using her power surprisingly freely all of a sudden.  I thought the Miraculous was broken and it damaged Nathalie to use it?  Hmm….

Okay, I hate to blame the victim, but for a professional lackey, Sabrina is terrible at figuring out what Chloe would want her to do, and worse at not saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Chloe fighting off Hawkmoth is super badass, I love it.  Only she could have the absolute HBIC confidence needed for something like that.

...Wow, I’m actually kind of starting to ship Sabrina/Chloe.  Or possibly wanting Sabrina to get out of the relationship she’s in with Chloe…

Hawkmoth being the one to tell an akuma not to take a hero’s Miraculous?  That’s new.

Dang, Miraculer is powerful.  It’s almost hard to imagine a stronger akuma.

And Mayura vs. Queen Bee is everything it’s been chalked up to be, of course.  I love it.

Damn, the sheer confidence in “I will always be Queen Bee”.  Magnificent, utterly magnificent.

Timetagger:  Poor Mr. Pigeon.  Constantly transformed by Hawkmoth and equally often getting the stuffing beat out of him by Ladybug and Cat Noir.

Aaaw yeah Bunnix!  Honestly I’ve already seen this episode, but there’s nothing about it I don’t want to watch again.

I really thought that “what if today’s the day we grow up” was going to be a lead-in to Ladybug using her powers twice in one transformation as a sign of growth.  On a second watch, it’s really very disappointing to know that’s not the case.  This episode would have been the perfect opportunity to showcase Ladybug and Cat Noir’s growth and give a visible, power-related symbol of that growth.  Maybe it will serve as foreshadowing for their ability to do that by the end of the season…?  We can only hope.

[multifandomaddictedfangirl]

Misconceptions about Breaking bad ~ my theory (Spoilers!)

So I’ve just finished watching Breaking Bad. All seasons. I really loved the show. It was well written, well directed, well thought in every details, very well played with such talented actors. It is a masterpiece. Clearly, it was a show that had been thought of and worked on for a while to be perfect (like no plot holes, no OOC actions, no wasted moments, no pointless moves, no useless lines, etc.). Besides, this show had everything: badass action, fighting scenes, tension, drama (big time), humor sometimes (not often) and emotions (a lot).

However, I think there is a HUGE misunderstanding to what this show is about and an ENORMOUS misconception of why it’s so good and really likeable.

A lot of people I have met IRL, or read online, really loved this show as well. That’s not a surprise. As I’ve said, this show was really good for a lot of reasons and I will never deny that.

But as I was reading them/talking to them IRL, I’ve realised something. They loved Breaking Bad because they loved the story and the character of Walter White. They loved the story of an american middle aged white man, with a normal life, a traditional family and a boring job, becoming this super extra badass who ends up building and controlling a meth empire. Usually, they particularly loved season 3-4 when Walt is supposedly at its greatest moments. They loved Walter White and what he has become: a badass, a smart ass meth dealer, a dominating boss, a good provider for his family... a real man. They loved him as a hero. They loved him as a protagonist who should succeed and get what he wants in the end. They loved him as a character that they were rooting for. They also loved the dream of a normal guy starting off nothing and ending up being the big boss in the game. They loved the idea of having this exciting/dangerous/ illegal/ outlawed/badass “dream life”. Like in an action movie. They loved the fantasy that Breaking Bad exposes.

So here’s the thing... Those people don’t like Breaking Bad. Because that’s not the show. That’s not its point. That’s not its essence. That’s not what it’s trying to show us. That’s not what it’s about. At all.

Obviously, there are multiple interpretations and levels of lecture in a piece of art. And I don’t think some are overall better than others. I think it’s pretty condescending and arrogant to believe there is a “good way” of consuming medias/arts, and a “bad way”. There are just different ways. And that’s great.

However, if you pay attention to the show, for like 10 minutes, it’s pretty clear what it is about.

Breaking Bad is a criticism of Walter White and of this fantasy of a badass action-movie lifestyle. The whole point of the show is basically to say: “Look at that kind of lifestyle society makes you fantasise about, and look how you really don’t want to have it cause it actually sucks. Look at how you DON’T and SHOULDN’T want to become Walter White.”

Walter White isn’t portrayed as a glorious badass mastermind hero by the show. He shouldn’t be read like that. Of course, he is the main protagonist and so, the audience is meant to follow his story. But Walt is first portrayed as a bad guy. Not only like a villain. But as a bad person. Someone you should despise for his personality. Someone who should disgust you. Someone you should hate for who he truly is. Someone you shouldn’t be rooting for. Someone you should quite quickly want dead.

When the show begins, yes, he is portrayed as a normal family man, working a basic job, providing for his family which he seems to care about. But the show already makes it clear that he is a very proud man, who thinks he deserves better than his current life, who thinks he can do better and have better just because. Just cause he is Walter White, a chemistry genius. His world, what he has, doesn’t seem to be enough for him.

(Btw some of my friends argued that Walter White wasn’t such a bad person in the beginning of the show, and that “the meth dealing turned him into an asshole”. While I would agree with that, I also wanna point out that in the beginning of the show, Walt isn’t the greatest person neither... His life is built around a very sexist scheme. He always expects Skyler to do breakfast for him and basically all the housework, because she is his housewife and that’s the way things are supposed to be. We never see him being grateful for what she does. If he’s the only one working, “providing for his family”, it’s more likely because he didn’t want Skyler to. Skyler is a competent woman, she could have found a job with a better income than high school teacher. But I don’t think Walt, fulled with pride, would have accepted to be taken care of by his wife. He wanted to be the alfa male since day one. Because he more likely already had internalised pride, sexism and toxic masculinity and fake virility. We never see him share his true feelings with Skyler. He doesn’t want to look vulnerable. Never. He’s never real with anybody. He refuses to admit that he feels bad about his life and prefers to hide behind a mask, which he will continue to do throughout the show. Because expressing your true feelings to someone who cares about you is not an alfa male move, so Walt rejects this idea. So no, I don’t believe Walter White was such a great person in the beginning. He already was an asshole. He just became waaaaaaaay worse.)

Anyway, then he got diagnosed with cancer. And the money issue appears. If the family pays for Walter’s chemotherapy, they will take a huge risk of bankrupt. They need more money. The family needs more money. But let’s note that Walt’s friends, Eliot and Gretchen, DO propose to pay for his therapy. But Walter refuses, again because of his pride. All the events that follow, all the murders, all the meth dealing, all the horrors, EVERYTHING could have been avoided if Walter White hadn’t decided to be an arrogant jerk and say “suck it” to genuine help.

The money and the (supposedly) rightful idea providing for his family will be Walter’s justifications for ALL his actions during the ENTIRE show (even when his cancer is cured and the family doesn’t necessarily needs this huge amount of money anymore).

The truth is Walt never just wanted the money for chemotherapy or to help his family. He wanted the money because money equals power and influence. And Walt dreamed of power and control over the others. He wanted to be the only one capable of providing, the one everyone else would praise, admire and thank for the rest of his life. He wanted to be a god. Before even cooking his first batch, he already was a narcissist self-centered and arrogant prick, only thinking about his own good.

When he starts to cook meth, it just becomes even worse. The show gets darker, bloodier, more violent. Everything breaks bad, as thev title of the show clearly explicits. Walt finds a new way to express his desire of control, his dream of being finally respected/feared, and the silent violence which he was hidding inside of him.

(I think Walt somehow wants to turn the symbolic violence he was victim of (not being manly enough, especially compared to his brother-in-law, Hank who kinda bullies him in the beginning of the show) into a physical violence he is now in control of).

He then becomes a monster, who is capable of the most cruel, creepy, insane actions to get what he wants. He completely looses sense of reality. If we sum up what he did: he started cooking meth, he missed his daughter’s birth because of the meth dealing, he lied to everybody who cared about him, he tricked his DEA agent brother-in-law Hank, he mentally abused and manipulated Jesse to make him his puppet, he provoked Hank’s accident paralysing him for a while, he turned Junior against Skyler, he abused Skyler and made her part of his business letting her no other choice, he killed Gus’s men, he disolved murdered bodies in acid, he let Jane died while he could have saved her, he made Jesse kill Gale, he blew up a old people’s house killing Gus and hurting multiple innocents, he told nazis where Andrea lived and therefore caused her death, he ordered killings in prison, he blackmailed Hank with a fake confession video, he kidnapped Holly, he caused Hank and Gomez’s deaths, he killed Krazy8, he killed Mike, and he poisoned a child.

And the show makes it pretty clear that it’s not sane, that NONE of this is cool/badass, that it’s just miserable actions provoked by a desperate man, that it will just bring him sadness, loneliness, loss, misery and disfurtune, that Walt slowly but surely goes down this path of destruction and cruelty and that he will never come back. That what he once had (a family who loved and respected him, friends who cared about him, friendly neighbors, a stable job which had always been enough to provide for the family, a beautiful house, a great life, really) will be gone forever. And he will never get all of that back. Even if Walt just realises that in the final episodes.

His problematic lack of trust (even towards Jesse who never betrayed him!), his egocentric paranoia (the fact that he always thinks he is the center of some sort of conspiracy in the meth empire, despite the fact that it is a huge business and he is just not alone in this), his insane quest of power (the fact that he is never happy with what he has and always wants to extend his market/to extend his influence) and his huge PRIDE will always and constantly lead him to making huge mistakes and screwing up everything, making everything way worse. Walt is often the cause of his own failures.

But rather than learning from his mistakes, grow up and adapt, those mistakes just reinforce his beliefs, his fears, his desires, and justifies somehow even more his further actions. Walt is stuck in a vicious circle that, you know already from season 1-2, will lead him towards his end.

Everytime Walt tries something, he fails. He is not a badass mastermind meth dealer. He takes a lot of stupid decisions because he is too impulsive and doesn’t know how things really work in the real life. There is plenty of things he doesn’t know, even if he never admits it. He always have more competent person around him to do the job. Sure he cooks meth better than anybody else (except maybe Jesse in season 5), but meth dealing isn’t just cooking. Without Jesse, without Gus, without Mike, Walt would have never been Heisenberg.

Relying on other isn’t a bad thing (on the contrary), but that’s not what Walt does. Walt USES people. He manipulates them, he mentally ABUSES them, destroys their self esteem, threatens them, makes them believe they have no other choices but to order him. He did that with Jesse (big time), and also with Skyler for instance. The truth is Walt sucks and he needs others but he always denies it because he doesn’t want to admit that he is vulnerable and lost and that he actually is not “the big boss in the game”.

And whenever he makes a decision by himself (usually to cross someone), he FAILS. Like dramatically. He always puts himself in a position that is worse, usually more dangerous, just because he couldn’t shut up and keep his pride. Yes, sometimes, he also succeeds but it’s then quickly shown that what he thought was a success will turn up against him.

Even when Walt does look badass, it’s during short moments taken apart from big story. Yes, if you take some scenes out of context, Walt looks cool. But if you just take some time to analyse the context, than the scenes loose all its power and Walt appears the way he is inside: powerless, weak, insecure, pathetic.

For instance, when Walter says to his wife “I’m the danger”, it’s not meant to be seen as a badass line (and it has, by many people). It’s pathetic because he has, at that point in the show, lost control in his professional life. So he’s trying to regain control and influence in his private life by terryfing someone who looks weaker than him. He cannot hurt or scare his actual enemies in the meth empire because they are more powerful than him. He is at this point lost, confused and vulnerable. He needs to regain his manhood, his position of power, his role of alfa male. So to do so, he decides to terrify his wife, who is just a normal person and doesn’t know the meth world (and so, who has to take anything Walt says for granted). He’s like a bully, in school, attacking the weakest because they are in quest of manhood and influence. And we know bullies are actually the most insecure kids.

Besides, when Walt fails, he doesn’t even admit he screwed up, says sorry and learns from his mistakes. He denies he made a mistake and takes the blame on others. That’s, again, profoundly PATHETIC. He lies to everyone. While he claims that he doesn’t want anybody’s pity, he keeps lying to make it look like he was just the victim of unfortunate events against him. That’s why Walt isn’t even a good likeable villain. He denies what he truly wants (money, power, control, sense of manhood...), he hides behind a fake justification, and he doesn’t realise or admit that his means are deeply cruel (murder, mental abuse, meth dealing, child poisoning, lying, bloodbath assassinations...). Even if he has convinced himself he’s doing all of this for a good reason (provide for his family), it’s like he is not aware of the monstrosity of his actions. He never admits he has become a merciless monster. Not to his family, not to his wife, not to his partners in crime. Most villains would say: “I believe what I do is fair and justified, but to do so, I have to become a monster and do unspeakable things and that’s what I’m gonna do”. But Walt doesn’t.

(Walt would probably say something like “I’m a good person, I want to help my family which totally explains all my actions which weren’t even THAT bad if you look at it a certain way and there was no other choice anyway, I’m just a victim, but I’m still powerful, but I had to, but I’m in control.” And honestly? UGH.)

Walt is a looser, who tries to hide the fact that he sucks. He is not a badass, or a mastermind. He’s mostly scared, pathetic and lost. Breaking Bad always show us that. Breaking Bad is about the fail and the path towards the end of Walter White. It’s about Walt becoming worse and worse, but not by doing things more and more illegal/horrible. He’s becoming worse and worse as a person. More pathetic as the show evolves. More miserable. More lost. More desperate. And he ends up with NOTHING.

Walter White looses everything. His friends are so terrified of him that they don’t want to have any contact with him. His wife completely despise him. His son is ashamed and disgusted of him. His daughter will grow up without a father. His former associates are mostly dead. His partner, Jesse, hates him and runs away from him. Walt dies alone, abandonned by everyone, knowing nobody will miss him and that he has failed to do what he first wanted (take care of his family), that the person he once was, who had a great life actually, is gone.

The show makes it very clear that following Walter’s path is not something cool. It’s not something you should want or dream about. Because in your fantasy, the meth business is badass and cool and fun. But in reality, it’s difficult, horrifying, dangerous and life-ruining. The point of the show is to stay: Walt got stuck in this because he was, and always had been, a proud, narcissist and pathetic person and he has LOST everything when he tried to be the badass he never was.

This fictional lifestyle, based on pride, toxic masculinity and badass action fantasy, that is nourished by a lot of fictions and medias that we consume, is BAD (hence the title). The show criticises it over and over again.

And in my opinion, that’s why it’s so good. The show doesn’t glorify what society already praises to be the dream. It questions it, it shows us its true nature, and criticises it. At the end, Breaking Bad isn’t just a badass exciting action-movie turned into a serie (it would have been quite boring if it was). It’s more than that. It tells a story about us as human, as people, and it deconstructs a fantasy we all have had at some point. And it does it perfectly. So I really loved this show, but it saddened me to see so many people having this misunderstanding about what the show was trying to say.

[phoorn]

SWORD

I'm a writer, a cliche. When I was young writing was easy. Now it's hard. How?

Well, you get scared, don't you? And too ambitious. Your mouth's bigger than your stomach, your arms are puny.

And you're not at school any more. That's the tricky part. There's no Sword of Damocles hanging over your head. You need one, or you sit around wasting your one and only life. It's insane, but that's how it is.

So let me organise one. I, **** ***** do pledge to have written this new story I've come up with before seven days have passed. It's 10 Dec right now, so let's say I get it done by the end of 17 Dec, next Thursday.

I'll say a bit more about my situation. I've been published -- a small publisher, the book sank. I mean, I think people bought it. But I never saw any of the money. I'm not sure to this day if I got scammed.

That was quite some time ago. I was contracted to write a follow-up, but terrible things happened, I went mad, I had no idea what I was doing, I slinked away into the shadows. As I say, I'm not sure to this day if I got scammed. I'm also not sure if scammed my publisher. I've kept my head down since.

It's been quite some time since then. What have I done? Well, not much, right? I did nothing for many years. In the past couple of years I've done some writing, finished one story, nearly finished a bunch of others. I mean, I've always got to the end of the first draft. I've retired from the race every time somewhere about the middle of the second.

Some of these stories are ... not bad. The truth is, though, they're not amazing. They're not what someone of my ego would expect from someone who was published for the first time as early as I was.

I HAVE BEEN HUMBLED. God knows I needed it. You're not as good as you think you are. Someone on Youtube a while ago said something like the tricky thing is we think we're great because we know we have great taste. We read books and go, "I'd do that part better." "I hate how she does this. God, is she stupid?"

It's like watching streamers on Twitch. They are in fact better than their audience, but their audience goes, "Why did he get supply-blocked there?" It's cause he was doing a bunch of things you don't have the eye to notice, and he's 2000 MMR higher than you, shut up.

But I am getting better. I can see improvement in all these stories. Each one is mostly better than the last. Sometimes the ideas are worse, but they're still better-executed.

I just need to do more. I'm not young. It's a bit scary, to have considered yourself a writer all your life but not to have really practiced.

So that's that; there's my pledge. I'm gonna post a diary entry every day, too. Short. I won't go on and on. I like talking, you know. I like writing. But I have no writer friends to talk to. I don't think you need them. Talking does help, though. Some of my best story ideas come from my talking to myself, explaining to imaginary journalists how I made my millions.

I'm putting the source on Gitlab. If you know about Git, you'll know you'll be able to go look at all of the different revisions. You might find it fun. I've thought about streaming on Twitch, too, so you can watch every word, every hesitaiton. But thinking about it today made me nervous, so, no, I won't bother.

This secret blog is about enough for me. It's public, but not really, cause it's unknown. Pretty perfect.

Here follows the first day of notes. They actually written in my diary. I won't post notes like this again. It'll all be in the repo.

I should also say I don't plan to be very comprehensible here. I don't plan to be a blogger, though right now in the throws of enthusiasm it seems to me doing this (pledge, blog) for every story is a very intelligent thing to do. But it's a means to an end. The end, by the way, is riches, fame, an editor. I'd give my right arm for an editor.

FIRST DAY

2020-12-10T06:26:36+00:00

I'm not going back to mogen. No. One day I will. Let's do something new. Yes. 5,000 words for real. I've had plenty of ideas. As usual I'm influenced by things I've been reading.

Something I've always loved is spies. Really I mean "darkfriends". In the Wheel of Time, there's darkfriends -- they follow Shai'tan. Anyone could be one. It was the thing that made WoT really good. A Song of Ice and Fire has the same thing -- people aren't "darkfriends", but they can betray you. There's always danger.

Though in a short story I don't think I can do that. I could write a story about a guy who's found a spy. Or a guy who's a spy himself. Though that would involve coming up with a palace/court. But I wouldn't have to go into detail. Do I have one already? Not really.

There's also the shogun's wife idea. A story about a shogun's wife trying to keep him occupied, save him / the country in some way.

Since it's a short story it could be about her trying to get his mistress back. She's leaving because he's unstable. But the wife needs her back because she keeps him stable.

A story about a spy who needs to get some papers for his country. That'd need a few more thousand words to be worth it.

A dangerous world. That's another idea I've been having. I've written it down. Worlds with danger -- monsters, weather -- in them are the best. Middle Earth is dangerous. Randland (WoT's world) is dangerous (because of darkfriends). The Shadow of the Echo of All That is Lost's (James Islington's trilogy, not its real name) world is dangerous -- it's full of ancient, dangerous powers.

Another idea I've been having is about a magic that's only "items". Only objects of power, no power that a person can themselves wield. But I've always liked that, fuck knows why.

A story about a magic artefact. That sums up 90% of fantasy.

A fun story about a fun girl.

Which of these do I want to write? I'll look briefly through my story ideas first.

OK, something important: I've made a note to write a story about a character that wants something, needs something else and cant have either. This is how Brandon Sanderson writes. I will make sure to do that.

Another pertinent note: it says to think of the "perfect" world, thinking of all the books, games and films I've read/played/watched.

Middle Earth: loneliness, emptiness. Xenoblade Chronicles: a world on a God's body. Final Fantasy VII: Midgar, black pipes. Final Fantasy VI: cold waste, mechs. The Shadow of the Whatever: an ancient place filled with dormant, dangerous things. WoT: the atmosphere of the first and second novels. The world isn't amazing, come to think about it.

CJ Cherryh's Alliance Universe: it's sci-fi, but there's a lovely tenuous feel. Everyone's vulnerable going through space, everyone's weak.

OK, let's think about that. There's a new season of Attack of Titan. That's got an incredible premise. I could do something similar.

Rather than huge monsters, let's have small beautiful people. Who are kind and intelligent. That's scary because you're the bad guy.

You're an ancient monster. You're perverted, you love fear and pain. Or maybe you're a human. And perverted -- actually perverted but also basically normal. But the "monsters" are these beautiful creatures. They're elven. And they have no respect for you. They'll lock you up or kill you if they find you.

You WANT: To be accepted You want to be one of them You've found a magic spell that can make you into one of them To escape To kill them all, start the human rebellion To escape with A magic artifact Something that could kill them all A weapon that could be used to wage war A portal or ship that could take you to the moon Your mother sister girlfriend father The monsters are: Humans that changed themselves Using a spell They gave themselves magic powers They look just like you, so you can't tell who's who at a glance You can tell pretty quickly, though

It seems ... OK. What the opposite of perfect monsters? Imperfect humans. Maybe it's our guy who is perfect. No, I wouldn't know how to write that.

Let's just try out a lot of these wants and needs.

He WANTS: To be accepted. He NEEDS: To live happily, discrimination-free?

So, he wants to be one of them, but needs to just be accepted. That's fine.

How does he go about getting what he wants? How do you become someone else? He could use the same magic spell they did. He could use a different one. They somehow do it the real way, he the fake way. A bit like Gattaca.

Let's make the community small. It's not a world, just a village. An interesting village, and this will have something to do with what changed the rest of them.

Well, first, how about people start disappearing and appearing outside? It's a bit Attack on Titan. And not that original. Really cool, though.

But that wouldn't come into it. That would have already happened. And maybe wouldn't be explained. So, they became the superior humans by this mysterious mechanism. He's trying to fake it.

They all left and seemed to become really happy/intelligent/healthy. But they won't come back into the city.

They keep disappearing. Are they being taken? I think yes. Finally our guy is the only one left in the town. And he leaves, tries to become one of them.

They look different. They're covered in hair. So he shaves all the dogs and cats in the city, covers himself in their hair and leaves.

He finds a small camp of them. They don't accept him.

Or they do, though they know he's not one of them. I mean, they don't care. Or maybe they do. Maybe whenever he gets close they leave. Or maybe they just accept him. Do what you want, they say. They don't run away. But they don't really talk to him.

If they run away, that'd be cool. Nasty. Lonely for him. If not, you'd be able to see what they say. Maybe it's only when he covers himself in fur they let him stay. But they know he's not one of them.

He'd need to figure out what happened to them. In the end he doesn't do it in time and they all leave.

Or maybe he does figure it out and they leave. He just doesn't get something.

So what is it?

A drug A book A religion A small sphere They keep going to the sphere, standing around, then leaving When he finds it, he stands around He doesn't feel anything, but he changes to look like them The next time he sees them, they're walking -- not as a group He follows, tries to talk to them and they don't say anything. A minstrel

That's a nice mystery. It's got a nice feel to it. Btw I just took a small detour -- 2020-12-10T08:17:37+00:00 -- to make rsn's random number not be based on the time.

Randomness in programs. You start by "seeding" a random number generator. The classic way to do this is "srand (time (NULL))". srand takes an integer. time (NULL) returns the current second (since the start of Unix time).

The problem with with this approach is if you run the program more than once in a second you get the same result. Because the seed is the same.

Now I'm reading from /dev/random:

int fd = open ("/dev/random", 0); int seed; if (fd != -1) { ssize_t ret = read (fd, &seed, sizeof seed); if (ret != sizeof seed) { /* warn ("Couldn't read from /dev/random: using time (NULL) instead"); */ seed = time (NULL); } } else seed = time (NULL); srandom (seed); if (fd != -1 && close (fd)) err (1, "Couldn't close /dev/random");

You will see it defaults to time (NULL) if for some reason /dev/random can't be opened.

/dev/random is a psuedo device. Linux "collects" entropy over time and sticks it in a kind of pool. I have no idea how that works. But you can read random numbers from /dev/random.

Back to the story. It's a nice mystery, one of those what's-going-on stories. Do I explain what's going on? Stephen King says that stories that don't show the monster are cheating. But when you do show the monster you lose something.

Let's just come up with a half-explanation. Like a book, drug or sphere. But say nothing else.

Maybe instead of them leaving they go back to the village and don't let him back in. "Get the fuck out! And stay out!" Or they just acts as if nothing's happened.

Maybe it's him that's put them out there. Magic.

How could he be responsible? It'd be hard for it to be him, if they're supposed to be content.

Maybe they're experiencing something more. They're actually logged into the magical multiverse net.

Maybe he spoils it in some way. And they don't get to ascend.

The important thing is what's the thing that's brought them out there.

It's got to be something weird or incredible. Let's favour weird. Let's get some random sentences:

Its a garbed jollified Its a refractable corrugate Its a remindful hiccupping Its a backboneless chum Its a upland erase Its a cacuminal compart Its a accented bishoping Its a emendatory deceive Its a isoperimetrical reground Its a agrostological appear Its a urticant hinnied Its a reunionistic presses Its a homodont barber Its a unscrupulous cellars Its a psychic harp Its a Laodicean prevaricate Its a clipped hurries Its a quartic worst Its a stimulant eulogised Its a tangiest processes Its a numerable dosing Its a cornered totalizes Its a raggle-taggle focussed Its a sacrificial dissuade Its a synoicous enable Its a kingly recapped Its a unconscionable woofs Its a silver depone Its a self-confessed heathenized Its a led flocks Its a microseismical cons Its a hypodermal rehangs Its a fogless trephined Its a urbanized mutating Its a bewitching trauchling Its a boozy untruss Its a unanxious blow-dries Its a elenctic platinise Its a usurpative alleviates Its a unsatisfiable overbids Its a Jugoslav embedded Its a redder booby-trap Its a torn rinsing Its a intelligible fans Its a decorative restrict Its a annalistic bandying Its a oral shikars Its a sejant outlast Its a sapindaceous mussitate Its a evoked antiquates Its a secular impaled

Of those I like:

Its a psychic harp Its a accented bishoping Its a silver depone Its a backboneless chum Its a refractable corrugate Its a secular impaled

A psychic harp. That's straightforward. It'd be just sitting out there, playing itself sometimes. Or is someone playing it? Our guy thinks about going up there, touching the empty space. That's scary.

The accented bishoping -- an accented bishop. Just a bishop, sitting out there on the hills. Not that great.

Its a silver depone. I'm not sure what a depone is. But it doesn't matter. I've settled on the psychic harp.

It's psychic. That means it can hear your thoughts. It can communicate, though, but only in music. Is it communicating, our guy thinks?

It could play folk songs. Our guy would know the words. But he'd know various words and wouldn't get far.

Maybe the crux of the story is the meaning of the tune it's playing. Is it "My Johnny Went off to War" or "The Silver Plate", which is about a woman who kills herself because her Johnny cheats on her?

Or maybe the songs are about the town, or God. Let's just say he listens and changes. He thinks about marching to war. And then everyone leaves.

Probably best to not bother with the words stuff. Won't be able to make it work. It's just a mesmerising tune, and it changes him.

And then people leave. This is fine. Will people think it's just weird / feel unsatisfied? I can't know.

I'm feeling a little self-conscious now because I'm thinking I'll go post this on my blog, announce that I'm going to finish this story in a week, put the repo on Gitlab, stream this on Twitch. I like the idea of it. Probably best not to bother with Twitch.

Alright, let's plan that. Where to post? I can stick it on my Tumblr. Toks has made a website, apparently. I could do the same. I won't, though.

Today Make repo, stick it on Gitlab. Write post for Tumblr, include these notes. Write All characters, names, etc -- temp names -- wants, needs Synopsis Clean kitchen Call Mother Put money on phone Read

[chris--daae]

@vl-blackswan

And the second one!

Same verse again.

“Can you just shut up for five minutes?”

The last weeks have been a blur. It all felt like some weird dream, and Erik had no idea where he would be when he woke up. His last clear memory was getting ready for the opening night of his opera. After that, everything moved too fast. Had he really been on stage with Christine? Had he really performed the song he wrote himself in front of all these people? For a moment, he saw what could have been. He saw a life and a career that he could have had, but it lasted just a moment. Soon, he was transported from what could have been to what have been, to the pain and humiliation that he swore he would never allow anyone make him feel again. And from then, what he never wanted to be. Erik never wanted to hurt her, but she gave him no choice. She betrayed him too many times, he had to fix it, it was the only way to fix it. Like the lyrics he wrote said, there was no going back. There was only one way to end that all. Was it really only one? Because for one moment what happened was what could never be. Her soft lips on his. Erik was having a hard time trying to know what really happened and what didn’t. But this was not a dream, this was real, as he could now feel in his fingers the old fabric that covered the small couch. The scent of face powder and coffee in the air. The dusty smell of the clothes that were too large in his hips and too short on his legs. The cold floor under his feet and the cold water he threw on his face. This was real. The small house that had the same scent that lingered on the kind woman that watched over him since he came back to this town, with its old and simple furniture, and her late husband’s clothes that she lent him, this was all real. How long have Erik been there? He thought it were a few weeks, but it could be more. Madame Giry didn’t complain, she never complained, like every time he made a mess and she had to fix it. That was how she was. Always accepting whatever life threw at her, not wasting a second, not holding grudges or crying. Erik admired her for that. Never before he met a woman so strong. She wasn’t home now. Both her and her daughter were at the opera house, working. What were they doing? Did they start a new production already? For the first time since that fateful night, he wondered about such meaningless details. Of course, Erik didn’t want to think of Christine, of her irritatingly beautiful smile, of the shinning ring the Vicomte probably gave her and that she would be wearing proudly. No. Anything but that. Everyone should be celebrating now, right? No more notes, no more ghost. Never again. Erik sighed. He decided to throw more of the cold water on his face. This was real. What happened in the opera house was not his problem anymore. He could never go back there. Did he even had a reason for it? It felt like home for some time, but like in every other place that once felt like home to him, it was all ruined now and he could never go back. His eyes lifted from the sink and inevitably caught his reflection on the mirror. Erik forced himself to look. What a burden has he become. He didn’t know for how long he was in that house but he knew he couldn’t stay any longer. Giry had already given him so much, he couldn’t ask any more of her. She had a stressful job, and a young unmarried daughter, and he could see by her home that she had no money to spare. He stayed there all day, hiding, drowning in his own sorrow. Even someone as bad as Erik could see this was not right. He needed to come up with a plan. A way to get out of Paris, of France maybe. That would be good. Where to? He needed to decide. Erik sighed. He lowered his head, glad to take his eyes off his reflection. He was really tired. Of hiding, of running away. His whole life has been a huge game of hide and seek, and he was eager to give up now. But he knew giving up meant pain, and possibly death. Sighing again, he walked back to the small living room. He looked fondly to the couch that has been his bed for the past weeks. He decided to fold the sheet and move the pillows to a nicer position. If Erik was going to stay for a while more, the least he could do was making himself useful, even if just a bit. He decided to walk around the house, looking for chores he could do to help around. There wasn’t much, as Giry really cared well for her home. Still, he did what little he could. Washing the two cups that were left on the counter. Separating the old newspapers to be thrown out. Fixing the positions of the frames on the wall. Cleaning a small stain from the bathroom mirror. Anything Erik found out of place, he put it back where it belonged. And while doing it, he decided that for as long as he stayed, Giry wouldn’t have to move a finger. It was the least he could do. Erik stopped in front of a closed door. Meg’s room. He hesitated. Maybe something there needed fixing. He could help. But it wasn’t proper to enter a lady’s room, this much he knew. But it wasn’t as if he had any bad intentions. He just wanted to help. It wasn’t like he would read Meg’s journal or mess with her personal belongings. There was nothing wrong with this. Slowly, Erik opened the door. He was in Giry’s room often, it was the one he used when he needed privacy as there was no guest room. But he had never seen Meg’s room before. The first thing he noticed was that it was a mess. Clothes were thrown on the bed and on the floor. Erik looked away from them, afraid of identifying what pieces exactly they were. This was a mistake. He expected Meg’s room to be like her mother’s, weren’t all women’s rooms organized and neat? Wanting to focus on something less personal than Meg’s clothes. There were two shelves, with a few books, little boxes, a couple of portraits, and other small objects. There seemed to be no pattern in how they were placed, so Erik was a little worried that by changing it, it would bother Meg. One of the objects called his attention. It looked like a music box. He got curious about it. She wouldn’t mind it, if he put it back in the right place, right? He just wanted to take a look at it. Erik took the small box in his hands and opened it. It was not a music box but a jewel box. The lid had a small mirror, and inside was a delicate pearl necklace. “What are you doing in my room?” The voice startled him. Erik thought it would take a few hours before they came back home. It made him the box. Time seemed to slow down, but he was even slower. Too slow to stop the box from hitting the floor, the lid from separating from the rest, the mirror from breaking in two. Erik just watched helpless. “Erik?”, Meg called again. She was shocked to come home to find him in her room, touching her belongings. She was rightly mad, and a little embarrassed. But mostly of all, she was confused and curious to know what he was doing there. Erik didn’t reply. He heard her calling, but the sound seemed to come from far away. His eyes were focused on the broken parts of the box. This was not supposed to happen. He wanted to help around. Why did this happen, why did it always happen? Even when he wanted to do something right, everything went wrong. “Erik, what are you doing?”, Meg called him again. He was strangely quiet. This wasn’t a good sign. She was about to call her mother when she heard a faint voice. “I’m sorry.”, it was so faint, so soft, that it didn’t even sound like him. Erik didn’t even hear his own voice, he wasn’t sure if he was really speaking. His hands were shaking. His eyes were focused on the parts of the mirror. Every time. It was like this every time. He broke everything he touched, it was like he was made only for destroying. He was looking at the mirror, but it was not what he saw. What he saw were shards, millions of shards, covering the seats, surrounding the structure of what was once the chandelier. And he saw blood, and fire, and the knives and ropes were on his hands, and he heard screaming and fast footsteps. And he saw Christine crying and begging, and another woman also cried, begging to God to relieve her from this curse. He saw on the floor his mother’s tears. “I’m sorry.”, Erik repeated, louder, sobbing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to break it. I didn’t want to! There was no other way. I needed you.”, there were tears falling on his face. Meg didn’t understand it. Was Erik really saying he needed her? Or was he talking to someone else? Maybe he was hallucinating again. But he didn’t stop talking, he continued: “I needed you! You betrayed me. Where were you? You wouldn’t even look at me. I didn’t want to do it. They had to understand. They asked me to. I couldn’t say no. I had no choice. I didn’t want to!” Not even Erik knew who he was talking to. It was like all his mistakes came to him at once, like a thousand fingers pointed to him and accused him and he had to defend himself, he had to defend himself from everything all at once. A thousand excuses tried to come out at once, his voice getting higher and lower in the middle of the words, they came fast but not enough. They still accused. “How could I know it would die? How could I know! What could I do? What else could I do? I didn’t want to break it. I didn’t want to make you cry. I am sorry. I can’t go back now. There is no going back. I didn’t know he would die! He knew too much. They didn’t obey. They insisted. She wanted to see me. I couldn’t let it happen. I couldn’t avoid it. I wanted to make you proud. Why aren’t you proud. I am sorry. I never asked for this. I never wanted to be born like this!” “Erik!”, shouted Meg. She was afraid of interfering, there was no way of knowing what or who he was seeing in his mind. But that was too painful to hear. His broken voice, so different from the certain and firm tone it usually had. Even if he had a reason to apologize, Meg didn’t want to hear it like that never again. “Please shut up! Please stop!” Erik felt his words choking him up. He never asked to be born. He never asked to be like this. He never wanted to destroy, but it kept happening, and happening. And Meg’s voice brought silence. It quieted the accusations. These voices were not real, but Meg’s was. Meg was real, and she was there. And now he saw the broken mirror. Only that. “Meg.”, Erik said, turning to her. She was there. He wanted to touch her, to make sure she was real, but he stopped himself. “I’m sorry.” “Just shut up, will you?” He apologized again, but it was different now. Meg knew he was back to reality. Erik kneeled down, taking the pieces of the broken box. “I should not have entered your room.”, he said, his voice now even. “I can fix this.” Meg kneeled beside him. “I know you can.” “You do?”, Erik asked, the words feeling a deeper meaning in him. Meg nodded, taking his left hand in hers. “I know, because you can make wonderful things.” Erik enjoyed the warmth of her hands, but he felt he had to pull it away. He shook his head. “I can’t make anything, Meg.” Meg touched the box in his hand. “Of course you can. Don’t you remember? You made this.” Erik looked again at the box. That’s why it caught his attention earlier. He indeed made this, as a thank you gift after the first month he spent under Giry’s care. He looked at Meg, and she smiled at him. “Don’t say you can’t make anything. You have proved me many times otherwise.” Erik nodded. Could it be true? Meg slowly approached him. She put her arms around him, pulling him in a warm embrace. Erik blinked a few times. Yes, this was real. Meg was there, holding him, hiding her face in his chest. He could feel the warmth of her body and the sweet scent of her hair. “I’m sorry.”, he at last mumbled. Meg shook her head. “You can fix this, Erik. I know that you can, and you will.” “I hope you are right.”

[pyre-prism]

LONG POST ‘CAUSE BIO! (and I don’t know how to properly format stuff on this website yet...)

Finally got this to a stage where I'm happy to 'properly' show it off. Critiques are welcome~! ~*~ Real Name – Makoto [ironically it means ‘sincerity’ (誠)] Alias – Doesn’t really have one aside from once-off sorts of aliases that are reliant on who or what it’s pretending to be Age – 1000+ Gender – Fluid, usually female when disguised, usually male or ‘neither’ when not Species – Corrupted Kitsune Place of Origin – Japan Languages Spoken – Most fluent in Japanese, but it can converse reasonably well in practically every human language Eyes – Burnt-orange, vertically-slit pupils Fur – Pale silver, black ‘fox moustache’ and chevron near the base of each tail Vulpine Appearance – Closer to the size of a large dog than of a normal fox, nine tails Halfway Appearance – Incredibly emaciated, akin to a ‘werewolf’, 7’9”, all limbs are long and very thin, may show all nine tails or may only show one or two, usually-hidden tears in each cheek (only particularly visible when its mouth opens far wider than seems natural) Human Appearance – Changeable Personality – Incredibly hateful, master manipulator, not above using seduction while disguised to bait its prey, sadistic nearly to the point of arousal, delights in being cruel, highly-intelligent and cunning, inventive, playful (albeit usually in a bloodthirsty manner), persistent, unpredictable, extremely obsessive and possessive about its prey, quick to anger, violent Likes – Eating its fill, wit and games (especially mind games or riddles), tofu, berries (and other fruits such as grapes that resemble berries), performing (including dancing, believe it or not) Dislikes – Human egos, showing either of its true appearances (yet also dislikes pretending to be a human for very long), losing its prey for any reason, prey that refuses to play along Orientation – Pansexual, and aromantic (not actually interested in a relationship, this is here for reference purposes) Fears – Starving or otherwise wasting away, being savaged by dogs, being completely forgotten (including its actions and their results) Voice (not disguised) – Dry and quiet, precise wording, increases vocal force rather than increasing vocal volume, actually telepathic rather than speaking aloud Strengths: • The ability to change its form is its key strength, allowing Makoto to disguise itself in any way it chooses. Hand-in-hand with this ability is the power to craft and cast illusions, which function as a sort of psychic suggestion. • Living for as long as it has allowed Makoto to become very knowledgeable which –when coupled with its innate cunning– make it a force to be reckoned with on the intellectual level. • Makoto is a predator, through and through, meaning that it is very persistent and highly-skilled at problem-solving on the fly. • Its body doesn’t react in an adverse way to most forms of toxin or to temperature extremes. Weaknesses: • Despite being a variety of supernatural being, Makoto still needs to eat, lest it become severely weakened and waste away to nothing. It actually has a crippling and pervasive fear of starving to death, which is a huge contributor to why it acts the way that it does. • Makoto’s illusions are not fool-proof, and can be broken with relative ease using sufficient willpower. Its shapeshifting isn’t perfect, either, as there will always be something about its disguises that aren’t quite ‘right’ –most commonly, it retains the slit pupils of its natural form, but will occasionally keep one of its tails, its long canine teeth, etc. • Its obsessive nature can lead Makoto to practically ignore everything else, creating massive blind-spots in its awareness and planning. How They Can Die – Just like any mundane creature, Makoto is able to be killed by way of sufficient physical injury, although it can withstand approximately double the damage that a regular human can. Starvation is also something that has the potential to kill it. Physiological Conditions – Perpetually-starving body Psychological Conditions – Obsessive nature; Anger issues; Trust issues Quotes – “I dearly loved your kind once, and betrayal was my reward.” “Repent, human… soothe my pain with your blood and your flesh.” Primary Reasons for Killing – Revenge and Sustenance Primary Targets – Humans in general, although in recent years it has come to focus its attacks on those who are particularly invested in various forms of pop-culture, as it finds them to be easily misled Avoids Targeting – No-one in particular Weapon of Choice – Makoto uses either its natural weaponry (teeth, claws, and regular unarmed combat) or any weapon that it finds in the area when it needs something a bit different. Then, of course, there’s its illusions. Preferred Method of Killing – Baiting victims into an ‘intimate situation’ (usually sexual context) and then biting out their throat, followed by disembowelling the victim. Family – [Unknown] Friendly Interactions – Practically no-one and nothing Neutral Interactions – Most animals or animal-like creatures, as well as most other non-human entities (to varying degrees) Antagonistic Interactions – Everything and everyone else History – A long time ago, Makoto was worshipped by a small community in rural Japan as a deity, receiving regular offerings in return for its aid and protection. However, as the decades wore on and the nation began to turn away from these practices in favour of more human-reliant methods, the offerings and worship happened less and less frequently, until they were practically non-existent. Frustrated and feeling betrayed by the community it had helped to thrive for years, Makoto began to feel hunger for the first time in a long time. Stubbornly, it refused to admit that it had been forgotten, waiting for some sign that the humans would return to it. It waited until its growing hunger didn’t permit it to wait any longer. Makoto was driven into a mad frenzy by its steady starvation and attacked the nearest other creature, devouring half of the carcass before realising that it had been a lost child. At that moment, Makoto’s blind refusal to accept the truth shattered, and it vowed to make humans pay for its suffering, allowing the festering frustration to finally evolve into true hatred. Its ravenous state was their fault, and for forgetting the being that had helped them, Makoto would make them regret it dearly. The once-god would only eat humans from that moment onward, as taking human lives would be the penance it would carve out of the species as a whole in the form of just retribution for the wrongs that humans had wrought upon it… and any others like it. Ever since then, Makoto has returned to the ways of the trickster, using its powers to transform itself into alluring figures to draw unsuspecting victims into its deadly clutches. Lately, it has come to focus its attention mostly on the otaku subculture –along with various other forms of pop-culture– and portrays itself as various fictional characters as bait… After all, some humans managed to create such elaborate and believable costumes that one more wouldn’t really raise any suspicion, now would it? ~*~ Story is on the back-burner for the time being, but I will write one for it. I will update this with a link to the story when I've done it.

[0bsidian5ire]

Resurrect the Art of Allag (Reverse the Curse of Amon): Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Eikon

Two days later, Kharagal teleported back to Forgotten Springs. There was one more thing she wanted to experiment with before she started testing out Ifrit-Egi in earnest and she was pretty sure she had to do it in Zanr'ak. She decided she'd gotten close enough when after two days of traveling north, the cliffs of Zanr'ak began jutting out of the Sagolii Dessert and stopped by one of the cliff faces that faced away from Zanr'ak. There she made camp and went over the data she'd gathered one last time.

She pulled out the old leather grimoire she had converted into a research journal of sorts and made sure the facts she'd collected from the Scions about primals fit with what how summoning arts interacted with them. On paper at least, they did. Now it was time to see how far she could push those facts.

Like she had in the Austerity, Kharagal felt out at the aether around her. Instead of tuning her aether to the land's, Kharagal pulled up Ifrit's geometry in her mind's eye and tried to see if she could find a piece of aether in the land that matched Ifrit's aether. What she saw almost broke her concentration. Bardam's Spear! It's huge. Encompassing all of Zanr'ak was Ifrit's geometry. Or at least, she thought it did. The geometry faded off past the range of her mental senses to the north without showing any signs of distorting. To the south, the geometry fractured into formless fire aether. Kharagal herself was in one of the boarder regions of the geometry. No wonder the Amalj'aa think Zanr'ak is sacred.

It was then what she was really seeing hit her. This is not good. One of the overarching themes of Xalea legends about interacting with the beings of the aetherial plane was that if a mortal was aware of them then they were aware of the mortal. When Ifrit had been in the corporeal realm, everyone could see him and vice-versa. Now that he was back in the aetherial realm, it was better not to get his attention.

Before Kharagal could stop concentrating on the aether around her, a deep voice crackled out of the aether of Zanr'ak along with a rush of oppressive heat. Well, this is a surprise! I usually have to search far and wide for those who can truly withstand my flame, but here comes one who has already proven they can face my strength. What do you seek of me?

Nothing. Kharagal was hyper-aware that here in the aether, Ifrit's strength wasn't limited by the amount of aether he had access to. I just wanted to see if an idea would work or not.

Ah. Ifrit's fire flickered closer. So you wished to see if your idea could withstand the fires of implementation. Did it?

Kharagal blinked. That sounded more like the bit of Ifrit-aether in her then the primal she and everyone else had fought. Maybe this aetherial Ifrit liked making things other then itself strong too. A little too well, I think. I didn't mean to actually find you. I wanted to see if I could find a primal's aether in the world if I knew the geometry of it already.

Ifrit laughed around Kharagal in a scattering of sparks. So your idea is a strong one. That is good. Listen closely. You said you can know what a primal's aether looks like. If you know what to look for in the atherial realm, you will find me and my kind everywhere there is aether that looks like us. We are beings of aetherial realm and corporeal realities such as distance matter little to us when we are in our native realm.

Kharagal stared at Ifrit. Why are you telling me this?

Ifrit snorted out a plume of smoke. It has been long since I have rewarded one who has honestly earned their strength. And there are very few souls as strong as yours.

What do you mean by that?

The fire stopped flickering for a moment and then flared back to life. You do not know? The Source of Light does not make gaps in the walls of the souls of weak individuals. Even though another's aether could never fill your soul, it was still you and your companions' strength that broke my hold on the corporeal realm and it takes no small amount of strength to accomplish that. Ifrit's voice was growing fainter. Just know that if we meet again in the corporeal realm, I will be sure to use more of my power. Once the alloy has been proven pure, there is still the need to sharpen it. The heat rolled back, signaling Ifrit's attention was elsewhere.

Kharagal wasted no time in yanking her concentration out of the ather before anything else could happen. She became aware of her body all at once and lost her balance, almost cracking her head on the ground before she caught herself.

"Kharagal," she told herself as she struggled to her feet, "this is the kind of thing Dad said would get you killed if you poked it." I am so lucky nothing worse happened. Nothing worse then getting a primal's attention anyway. She quickly gathered up the remains of her campsite and teleported back to Limsa Lominsa. Kharagal did not want to stay any longer then she had to in what was clearly Ifrit's territory.

After shaking off the shock of traveling from a desert to an ocean in a matter of seconds, Kharagal sent herself though Limsa's aethernet to Mist where her best friend Carmen and her boyfriend, Alex had a house. They had given her a standing invitation to use one of their spare rooms if she ever needed a place to stay. It turned out neither of them were there, which wasn't unusual. When they weren't working with the Scions, Carmen was usually out on Rouge's Guild business and Alex helped the Adventurer's Guild. Kharagal took advantage of the empty house and helped herself to a bath and food from the kitchen before curling up with a detailed analysis of Bio spells in her room. It made for nice light reading.

Several hour later, she was interrupted by Carmen. "So, you're back," said the rouge. Kharagal looked up and saw Carmen leaning against the door frame, sharpening her fingernails with a knife. "Want to go with me to Naldiq & Vymelli's?" said Carmen. "I need to commission some custom daggers."

"Yeah, that sounds great," said Kharagal. Doing something as mundane as ordering daggers with Carmen sounded good after all the esoteric things she'd been up to for the past few days. She put the different variations of the Bloodborn version of Bio II she had been working on and the two women teleported to Limsa.

When they got there, they skipped the aethernet in lieu of walking down Hawker's Ally. "Can't believe I'm saying this, but it feels so good not to not be walkin' around invisible," said Carmen. "This last week was crazy for even me."

Kharagal laughed. "Define crazy." Running into a defeated primal while feeling out aether was hard to beat.

"Well..." Carmen started winding her short honey-blond hair around her finger. "Jacke got word that somethin' weird was goin' on down in Wineport. Turns out we have Domen ninja in Raincatcher Gully. They're tryin' to find another ninja that betrayed them to the Empire."

"Did they show you any of their magic?" Kharagal joked. Confederate and Hingan stories featured ninja with the most outlandish powers, from making clones of themselves to summoning fire-breathing frogs out of thin air.

"Even better; they're teachin' it to me." Carmen's face was all smiles.

Kharagal stared at her. "Wait, they really can do magic?"

Carmen laughed. "Don' know if it's magic like we know it; you'd be a better judge o' that. But I can tell you I can summon a shuriken out o' thin air and throw it at someone for some real damage."

"I'll believe it when I see it." Creating effects out of aether was one thing, it was a simple energy conversion (conceptually anyway). Creating objects would be something else entirely. If such a thing existed of course.

"Fair enough." Carmen elbowed Kharagal. "And what about you? You've been out o' contact for half a month. I know you've been up to somethin'."

"Well, I've been..." Kharagal stopped at that and thought. There was being stupid and then there was being really stupid. Mentioning primals in the middle of Limsa Lominsa was being really stupid. "I'll tell you what I've learned when you show me that shuriken you can summon."

"Don' think I'll believe you?" Carmen teased.

"No, it's just the kind of thing that's really easy to take the wrong way if you don't know enough about it." Kharagal gestured at the busy marketplace around them.

Carmen nodded. "Got it, but you are goin' to tell me later." She gave Kharagal her I-know-where-you-sleep look. Kharagal laughed at it and Carmen joined in with her. They spent the rest of the trip to the Maldiq & Vymelli's gossiping about the latest hauls to come into Limasa whether they came through Melven's Gate or not.

The smithy was warm and loud with the clang and taste of metal in the air. Kharagal leaned against a wall while Carmen talked with one of the smiths about the pair of steel daggers she was commissioning. Out of curiosity, Khargal felt the aether around her. There was the water aether of the sea rolling beneath her, wind aether whipping around the spires above her and and around her in the smithy itself was fire aether shaped like... What are you doing here?!?

I told you distance mattered little to us. Ifrit's voice was a lazy smolder out of the main furnace. And this forge is one of the best I know of. It would be more difficult for me not to be here.

"You okay?" Carmen lightly shook Kharagal's shoulder. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Kharagal shook her head to clear it. What was she supposed to say? That Brithael and H'naanza kept such a good forge that Ifrit basked in its aether when he wasn't summoned? "I... I'm fine. I just spaced out."

Carmen narrowed her eyes at Kharagal in her I-know-when-things-aren't-adding-up look. "Guess that means we'll be goin' back to the house 'stead of stayin' in Limsa late?"

"Yeah, that would be a good idea." Carmen probably really wanted an explanation now. It would be better to get it over with sooner rather then later. It also meant Kharagal would more then likely get to see how Carmen did that shuriken trick of hers.

When they left, Khargal gave the furnace one last look. Seeing Ifrit in it had been a a shock. On further review it really shouldn't have been. If Ifrit was shaped like a furnace, then that was where he would naturally turn up. Well, not in every furnace... He said this one was one of the best forges, so that means there's forges that aren't as good. So he's probably not in those. Wait... If Ifrit's in furnaces because he's shaped like one and there's multiple primals... what are they usually in when they aren't summoned?

"I know that look," Carmen said. They were almost to the atheryte plaza. "What'd you figure out this time?"

"Why I want to send primals to the Lifestream." It was true. Not only was the Lifestream where they were supposed to be, but it was the only way to get their aether for the Austerity ritual.

"Other then them tryin' to temper us?" Carmen raised an eyebrow at that.

Kharagal nodded. "Even if they didn't try tempering people, I'd still want to send them on." At Carmen's look she added, "It's related to the other thing I'll tell you about."

"I'll be waitin' on that," Carmen said and used the athernet to travel to the residential district.

What is it with rouges and dramatic exits? Kharagal laughed to herself and reached for the aethernet. It was time to figure out what she was going to tell people about Ifrit-Egi. At least she was starting with her best friend who understood that some things didn't need to be shared with everyone. Hopefully Carmen could help her figure out what she didn't have to tell everyone else.

Author’s Notes: In both 1.0 and 2.0, Ifrit knows that there's primals other then him in existence and that there's some people he can't temper because Hydalean is messing with them. Given that it is canon that primals are in the aetherial sea when they aren't summoned, I've got headcanon that's where he learned all that stuff.

It's a known fact that the desire of the people summoning a primal has an effect on how the primal behaves. Which is the canon reason why the primals behave differently in 1.0 vs 2.0. Interestingly, several of the primals behave counter to how the myths about them say they should act...

Originally posted here.

← Ch 2: The Ritual

[wigad]

Why I give a damn about comedy today, and why it’s more important than ever

If you don’t live under a rock a lot of you know about the news story about Jimmy Kimmel who called out Senator Cassidy that their new insurance bill was worse than their previous bill. The GOP have been trying to repeal and replace Obamacare for a while now. They are trying to do it as fast as possible so that people don’t look to much into it. I mean who would want to read a government bill? Those can be over 1,000 pages long, and they put colorful confusing language so even if you want to try to understand it, you will need a lawyer plus a health care professional to figure out what the fuck most of the terms being used.

This isn’t the first time the government has tried to screw over its citizens quietly. There have been A lot of issues and scandals that our politicians have been trying to keep quiet about. Before the 1990s, to get informed a lot of people turned to the new that was in television and in the newspaper. If you wanted news that wasn’t mainstream a lot of people turned to magazines, or even alternative newspapers. Today, we can literally just type a few words into google and I get usually get at least 3 good links on what the facts. 

However, not everyone is a millennial, and the boomers still heavily depend upon television and print news for their information on current events. Unfortunately, boomers still have a lot of voting power, and now in our news where we literally have one channel for conservative news, and one for liberal. Then there is CNN which tends to just report whatever can get them ratings. It’s a bit hard to find a point of view that can be somewhat objective.

Before the late 90s late night host generally would usually mention politics in a way if the comedian wanted to make fun of the politician as a person you didn’t really see many comedians make big opinions against their government. That is until Jon Stewart took over the Daily Show. He then not only changed what late night comedy can do, but he also showed how comedy can be a great source of getting information.

I remember as a kid and when my parents would let me stay up late with them because I had a bad dream I remember my parents would not only watch the late night news, but then after they would always make sure that they watched the Daily Show. So, like a lot of millennial's like me we grew up with the show because our parents would watch it. It’s become a huge staple in the late night comedy industry. As well as the fact it started the careers of Stephan Colbert (now host of The Late Show), Jon Oliver (who hosts Last Week Tonight), Samantha Bee (who now host her own show on TBS). Which I remember when they all first were on the Daily Show.

I remember especially during the Bush years, especially after 9/11, my parents seemed to watch the Daily show religiously. I think because they were sick of people give our President a pass just because of what happened. Don’t get me wrong, terrorism sucks, but when you have wars that are getting started and using 9/11 as the main reason, you get tired of the mainstream news feeding you the bullshit.

Jon Stewart it seemed to me was the first to take to task the government. Yes, the attacks on that day were horrific, but if our government was going horrific things in the name of 9/11 then they should be held accountable. I really took that to heart as a kid growing up. To be honest the Daily Show showed me that our government is a double edge sword. It can really benefit us, and it can also betray us.

Other comedians soon followed suit once they saw the success of the Daily Show. I remember Leno’s monologues in the early 2000s becoming more and more political. Weekend update on SNL was become a bigger and bigger segment. Even the news was taking notice. I mean seeing Jon Stewart take Fox news down a peg was always the highlight of my week. Then as he left three years ago, I think a lot of comedians were starting to realize that comedy can be more than just make people laugh and forget their troubles. Its one of the best ways to keep the public informed.

I do like Trevor Noah and I do like his new take with the show. But now we have each comedian take an aspect of news and make it current. For example Stephen Colbert is my trusted source in issues regarding Trump. Since the election, he is getting back to his roots and showing the silliness of our current administration and the culture of the ruling party. Jon Oliver is my source for news stories that I don’t really hear about. Like for example I did not know that there was a huge problem in our handling of toxic waste. You would think that would be in the news more often. But I guess it doesn’t get ratings. Samantha Bee is usually my source of what issues are affecting minorities, women, and what is going on local governments. Trevor Noah is really good at dissecting the mainstream issues, so I usually like to watch him for my main news.

Other comedians like for example Seth Meyers, I usually watch his show for his a closer look segment where he expands on an issue that people need more information about. As well as now Jimmy Kimmel who is now very passionate about our health care industry who is holding politicians up to their promises. Before 2005, I remember it was such a huge deal when the late night host would grill politicians about their beliefs. Now if a comedian doesn’t, then it’s a big deal.

Granted I sometimes think they show way to much respect, then what some politicians should be given, but I know if they show their outright displeasure they would be less likely to get politicians on in the future. Every week day morning as part of my breakfast routine I go onto my youtube page and go through the various comedy segments the night before to get informed about my daily news.

Of course, I have other news sources that I refer to. National Public radio I listen to them a lot since they usually have an objective point of view. But while other people watch the morning local news, which will usually repeat the same news you hear yesterday. My playlist of comedians I know will not only make me laugh in a time where it feels like I feel kind of hopeless about the political situation in our country.

So, keep what you’re doing comedian’s. Sure the news has been critical of Trump, but all they really do is just talk about his latest tweet and then do some sort of bullshit thing of “Do you think that the president should have tweet that?”

Well, of course fucking not! I remember when twitter use to be a fun little platform where you could do just simple updates to your friends and strangers on what you were doing at that moment. Now I feel like twitter is going to go down in history books as Trumps policy announcer.

Comedians are seeing the bullshit the news is giving us. And not only are they calling out the mainstream news, they feel the anger of the citizens. They know we are frustrated. So, now comedians are being transformed into the mouth piece of the people. Which is super important to think about. Our world of information is getting bigger and bigger. Comedians realize that they just can’t rely on talking about how air plane food sucks, or tells jokes about celebrities.

Comedians and news are becoming the same thing. Who knows, maybe our local news will now hire comedians to be anchors.