#its just sounds like .... so you want to shift the role of pure evil for no reason to a character you care less about

[ganondoodle]

man i really wish people would stop blaming demise for ganondorf being 'evil'

do you really think ganondorf being merely a puppet of an old, long dead and forgotten god of death is more compelling than him doing what he does bc he has other reasons we never get to see bc hes supposed to be an unquestionbly purely evil villain? (and lets ignore that opposing hyrules royal family is basically akin to being purely evil couhg couhg sheikah-yiga cough)

(aside from that it implies that demise is the source of all evil for no reason so its really just shifting the blame to yet another blankly evil character ... )

[dukeofonions]

So I thought I’d try something a little different (and slightly more fun than my usual saltiness) and do my own little personal ranking of Sanders Sides episodes! 

Now I actually haven’t watched anything from the series for awhile so these rankings are going to be based purely on my own memories of each episode and how much I remember enjoying them. I’ll also be splitting the rankings up so I’ll do season one today and season two later on.

Eventually I want to go back and actually rewatch everything but I’ll probably wait until the season two finale comes out (whenever the heck that will be) but until then I think this will cover it.

Also important to note is that I will not be counting Asides in this since 

1. I’m salty

 2. It’s not supposed to be Sanders Sides anyway so why include it?

and 3. I’m very salty.

Alright, let the ranking begin!

Dang, can you believe season one has seventeen episodes? Starting with My True Identity on October 19th, 2016 and ending with Accepting Anxiety on July 15th, 2017. 

These episodes were a lot shorter too. The longest one, Growing Up, is only about 15 minutes long (14:39 to be exact because I already have the playlist pulled up to get all these references so I might as well use the info I have) and the shortest episode was Way Too Adult that barely makes it to the four minute mark. (Okay it’s 4:18 but that’s still closer to four) 

It’s really interesting to see how much the series changed just throughout season one alone, especially once it shifts from just being a silly series of one shots to a series with more fleshed out characters and beginning to scratch the surface of dealing with heavier topics. 

How did it do for me personally? Well if you made it this far I assume you actually want to know my opinion so I’ll go ahead and tell you...

For real now, let the ranking begin!

*cue drum roll*

#17 I'm in a Disney Show

Yeah this one is pretty forgettable, and it really sticks out like a sore thumb among the other episodes in this series since it’s based on something that happened in real Thomas’s life and later on they try to establish that Sanders Sides isn’t about real Thomas. Not only that there wasn’t much in this episode that stuck out as funny to me. The only bit I actually remember laughing at was when the Sides were throwing around click bait titles. 

So yeah, boring episode, feels out of place, moving on.

#16 Becoming a Cartoon

Like with the last one this one is just very forgettable to me. It also features someone who turned out to be a pretty shitty person so I can’t even watch it without feeling uncomfortable.

The only thing I remember laughing at was Patton holding a potato. 

#15 My True Identity

Okay I know it’s harsh putting the first episode so low on the list, especially when most of my problems with it stem from it being made before there were any intentions to make it a series, but like the first two it’s also kinda boring. I mean on it’s own it does a good job of introducing people to the basic idea of the series and gives an idea of what the characters are like, but they all basically act like the same person (yes I’m aware of the irony) with just one or two minor things to set them apart. 

Can’t really hate this one like the other two since, again, this was made with no intention of plot or character development, so it’s only this low because it doesn’t really stick out to me. But hey, it did its job at getting people interested in the characters so in that aspect it did its job perfectly.

#14 Taking On Anxiety

Oh the second hand embarrassment in this episode is too much to bear. Honestly any episode that has Thomas interacting with someone from real life just feels so weird to me and takes me out of the episode. However, I do actually have a bit more positive things to say about this one. The advice they give is actually helpful, and my gosh I love pre-AA Virgil. 

The snark, the sass, it’s easy to see why he became a fan favorite so fast. And fortunately for me, there’s plenty of episodes for me to love him in before I start to hate him. 

#13 Way Too Adult

This is gonna sound repetitive but again, forgettable. Doesn’t give me second hand embarrassment or make me feel negative in any way so that’s why it’s higher than the others. And hey, 13 is one of my favorite numbers so that’s gotta count for something right?

The best part of this episode is Patton, I really miss the earlier version of him where he actually took on more of a fatherly figure and had more of a serious side. Not that I don’t like him now and I still think he’s one of the better written in the series (more on that in another post) but it’s kinda nice to see him being portrayed in a way that doesn’t feel like he’s being dumbed down for laughs or is just sad and confused.

#12 The Mind vs The Heart

Or as I like to call it “Selfishness vs Selflessness in Five Minutes.” This episode is way too relatable which is both fun but also I don’t need the reminder that I can’t say “no” to people, but that’s a me problem not the episode’s. I like the format of using cutaways to show examples of how Logan and Patton clash in Thomas’s day to day life and honestly I wish they’d use it more since I think they only do it in this episode and in Growing Up but I could be wrong and I’m too lazy to check.

All in all this a cute little episode (and not cute for the reason you might think) and I enjoy it. 

#11 Accepting Anxiety Part One

Honestly not much to say about this one? It’s funny watching Thomas’s antics while the Sides have to try and figure out what’s going on. Which is a nice change of pace from the usual “The Sides are being goofy and zany and Thomas has to try and get them on track” that I kinda notice throughout season one and that starts to change to become the norm in season two, but I’ll get to that later. 

Reason this one isn’t as high as others is just because besides that one gimmick of Thomas saying and doing silly stuff is that there isn’t much beyond that, and of course that’s just because this is the first part of a two part episode so I’ll give it grace for that. Still a great set up though and is funny on its own. 

#10 The Dark Side of Disney

Alright, we’ve made it to the top 10! Here’s where things start to get interesting.

Personally, I find this episode hilarious because I do this kind of stuff to “kid’s films” all the time. Never to actual kids but to adults, it’s fun to see just how dark I’ll go. 

Of course this isn’t really what the episode does, it talks more about the messages in these movies as opposed to talking about how “dark” they are. Which, now that I look back I clicked on this episode thinking that it was going to be a part of the latter and had no idea it was a Sanders Sides episode. Maybe that’s how I found the series? I always forget which episode was my first...

Back to the episode, it also establishes Virgil and Roman’s little dynamic of being rivals and I love it. They have some of the best exchanges in the series and it’s fun watching them go head to head here, and even bonding a little as well. All in all, fun episode that provides some good character moments and some laughs. 

#9 A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!

Just the song, man. It slaps. 

But am I the only one miffed that Virgil technically got a villain song (about lying no less) and Janus didn’t? Not even an evil reprise? Yeah that’s some bull spit right there.

#8 Growing Up

Aw, the first name reveal episode on this list! This episode is a lot of fun, mostly because of the scenarios they come up with and the little cutaways they add in. Seriously. Just use these more instead of going to these great lengths to show us something that can be accomplished in six seconds of footage. 

It also has one of my favorite moments with Logan quietly asking Patton what they’re doing wrong after Thomas tries to force himself into the “serious adult role.” I really got a soft spot for this episode and honestly talking about it makes me wanna watch it again, but I’ll hold off for now. 

And I think Patton has one of the best name reveals. Like Thomas really thought his name was Pattoncake, and Patton’s reaction is priceless. I still want to know what “Pattoncake” actually is and how it’s played, but part of me also accepts that it’s probably better if we never know. 

#7 Making Some Changes

Why are Thomas’s friends so good at acting as Thomas acting as his characters? Seriously half the time when I watch this episode my brain doesn’t acknowledge that the Sides are now being played by different people until halfway through. 

This episode is one of the funniest in my opinion, and one I remember coming back to a lot. Do I still want an episode where the Sides pretend to be each other? Yes. Do I know it’ll probably never happen and if it did they’d find some way to just make it full of angst? Yes, yes I do.

#6 Alone on Valentine's Day

The first episode to be officially cowritten by Joan, and it’s great. It’s hilarious, and just seeing all the varying ways each Side tries to portray their idea of romance is the cherry on top. What more can I say about this episode other than I’m curious as to what Janus and Remus would have contributed to a conversation like this, maybe they’ll do another episode like this in the future with their inclusion, but who knows what the heck they’re doing at this point.

#5 Sanders Sides Q&A

Top 5 here we go!!! This is when ranking started to get difficult because I love all of these episodes so much. Especially this one. I think I’ve watched this one more than any of them and why not? It’s just pure goofball shenanigans and seriously, Thomas, why haven’t you done another one yet? Especially with Janus and Remus?! I mean I get if you’re waiting for “all the characters” but come on man! I need more of the energy this episode gives off.

#4 My Negative Thinking

This episode made me realize just how underrated Logan and Virgil’s relationship is. It’s also the second entry in the “Logan Fights Everyone” saga. I do love how this episode has actually helped me with my own negative thinking and I just freaking love Virgil’s sass in this. 

Did I mention I also love Logan and Virgil’s friendship? Ah, good times when they all more or less liked each other. 

#3 Losing My Motivation

The set up of this episode is just brilliant. Having it be a “mystery” for Logan to solve with Patton as his sidekick provided a lot of laughs and one of my favorite Logan moments with his little bit he does after realizing he was the “culprit” in all of this. Ugh, I really wanna watch some of these episodes now but I’m gonna hold out. 

One thing is that I feel like Logan got the short end of the stick with his name reveal. Like Patton just casually calls him by his name like it’s no big deal, yet pretty much all of the other names are revealed after some kind of emotional moment and are treated as a big deal. If Patton was comfortable enough to just call Logan by his actual name and Logan himself was fine with it then why didn’t any of them introduce themselves before? There’s not really an explanation within the series itself as to why this is or why the Sides even have names in the first place, like it makes sense why Virgil or Janus would hide their names but Logan, Roman, and Patton have been there since day one so what gives?

My personal headcanon is that the three of them had a bet going on to see how long they could go without calling each other by their names in front of Thomas and Patton lost because he forgot. 

#2 Am I Original?

Look, Roman is my favorite so of course he’s up here! Not only that but this episode resonates with me a lot as a creative person, and I just love watching the Sides trying all the ideas Roman comes up with.

And his name reveal is also great, probably my favorite one, and of course it’s followed by the now infamous, “You’re my hero” line. But I’m just gonna ignore what became of that and focus on the fact that Roman was actually happy at the end of this episode.

#1 Accepting Anxiety Part Two

What can I say other than this was the perfect way to end this season? Virgil has been the outsider of the group since day one, and seeing him go from this snarky antagonist to gradually being tired with the role until he decides that it would be better if he just wasn’t around at all. This episode has some funny moments too, but what sticks out to me are the more emotional ones. 

Roman’s entire speech to Virgil is just *cheff’s kiss* perfection. Their relationship has finally come full circle and when Virgil smiles at him? Ah it’s so good!!! Like the music, the acting, all of it comes together so perfectly and it makes my heart happy. 

Virgil’s name reveal is also great, after being teased about it over and over again we finally get the real thing and it’s executed perfectly. Although my favorite thing about this episode is probably the end card, it’s so sweet and makes me all sentimental. Why? I dunno, I’m supposed to be heartless but I somehow find my heart melting when Patton gives Virgil the card anyway. Ah, I love Virgil’s relationships with the others by the end of this season, and honestly I would have been satisfied if this had been the end of it.

Just a neat little way to wrap up this neat little series. 

Of course we all know that wasn’t the case and oh boy things certainly took a turn, but that is for another post! 

And that was the first part of my ranking! Like I said this list might change once I go back and watch the series again, but I’m pretty sure things won’t change much then. 

I’m actually surprised at how many happy memories I have with the season, like I seriously want to just go back and watch my favorite episodes again because I’m all up in the nostalgia but again, I’ll hold off for now. 

I hope y’all enjoyed this and I’d be curious to see other people’s rankings of season one. I’m glad I was able to have fun with this and just gush about the series for awhile because oh boy I know things are gonna be very different once I get to season two...

[oneoftheextras]

jealousy | villain aizawa x hero reader | three

masterlist | tip jar

Former student of his turned pro hero, he’s always had eyes for her at UA but never acted upon it. Once she graduates, she takes a role at Endeavor’s agency, and Aizawa can’t stand the thought.

words: 2.2k

warnings: 18+, aphrodisiac, very sexual themes, masturbation

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Stepping back you looked up at the ceiling trying to locate the source of the thump, you noticed several vents lining the ceiling, they were so small that you’d managed to miss them.

The only reason you noticed them now was because there was a stream of white mist trickling over the flaps and tumbling down the wall before mixing with the oxygen you were breathing.

It was coming from every angle and soon you would be inhaling it “Are you trying to poison me?” you snapped your attention to the man on the other side of the glass who was admiring the substance in awe.

“By the time this gets in your system you’re going to wish it had been poison” he grinned slyly, drifting his gaze from the vents slowly down to your face. You covered your nose and mouth with your hand trying desperately not to breathe too heavily if you could help it.

The gas was thin and almost completely colourless, the only way you knew it was there because of the shear mass of it towards the vents - as it spread into the room it was invisible - making it harder to avoid.

Panic overtook you and you tried to steady your breathing, anything to stop you from practically drinking in the gas. Then you smelt it.

“Is that-” you started, not quite believing what you were going to say “-Is that cotton candy?” you asked Eraserhead with confusion, he tilted his head at you and raised his eyebrows “Oh that’s interesting” he commented nonchalantly.

You shouldn’t have spoke, the flavour of candy floss filled your mouth and nostrils, was he playing with you?

“Everyone smells something different” he did a lazy job of explaining, you watched him swing open some doors off to the side and drag out a comfortable looking armchair. It seemed like it took him next to no effort to do, it still shocked you how strong he was. 

You laughed, all feelings of panic gone now replaced with amusement, was this the best he could do? “Are you trying to make me hungry? ‘Cause-” you said, picking up one of the nutrition bars he gave you “You screwed yourself there” you finished your sentence cockily.

He watched you shake the bar in his face and lowered himself onto the chair after he’d positioned it to face you like you were a caged animal at a zoo that he wanted to observe.

“What are you waiting for?” you asked him walking up to the glass in some strange attempt to intimidate him, he just crossed his arms and continued to watch you.

You felt a slight tinge in your thighs as your knees buckled and you fell forward, luckily you caught yourself. Putting your weight against the glass you were able to stabilise yourself, you heard Eraser’s deep chuckle rumble against the transparent surface.

A warm burning sensation spread down your throat, past your chest and into your abdomen, and you felt all the hairs on your head stand to attention and then, almost like a wave, slide down your spine. It felt so nice.

Your palms started to sweat and then you felt it, the first clear indication of what was happening, a dull tingling in your pussy and a singular throb of your clit. Stifling a whine the best you could, your knees gave way and your hands slid off the glass making contact with the floor.

Wiping your hands on your legs and feeling your pupils dilate, you turned to Eraser “What have you done to me?” your voice wavered as other sounds threatened to crawl out of your throat. 

The tingling became more intense and you could feel your need and want increase. The need and want for something you would refuse to ask for.

“Gas based aphrodisiac” the side of his mouth curled into an evil smile, “You really are a monster” you grit your teeth and curled up into your side but facing the window. Beads of sweat and perspiration ran down your forehead already.

“Tell me what I want to know and I’ll shut it off” he leaned forward, trying to bargain with you - not trusting your voice, you shook your head and closed your eyes in an attempt to gain some control of yourself.

Steadying your breathing was hard, every time you inhaled you drew more of the gas into your system which prodded the fire in the pit of your stomach.

Opening your eyes again you were instantly met by grey orbs staring back at you, Eraser had left his chair and knelt down in front of you on the other side of the glass, he was practically pressed up against it to try and get as close to you as possible.

“You’re enjoying this” you intended to ask but ended up stating it instead, “I would be lying if I said that seeing you like this wasn’t intoxicating” he cooed at you, watching every facial expression you made.

Gasping as another wave of tingling ran over your scalp, down your spine and to your lower back - it felt so damn good but you wanted more. 

Hearing him quietly groan, you snapped your eyes to his face to see that he was biting his bottom lip subconsciously, you tried to convey hate and anger in your eyes but the truth was your body wanted the opposite from him, and it betrayed you.

“Don’t look at me like that” he growled, shifting his weight from one knee to the other as though he was uncomfortable too, “Like what?” you breathed, your lungs forcing all the carbon dioxide out to replenish it with fresh-gas-coated oxygen.

“Like you want me to fuck you” he answered your question, the way he phrased that made your stomach to a somersault. You turned your head away and tried to subtly rub your legs together to relieve some friction. That is what you wanted, but it was only because of the ferocity of your need.

You rolled onto your other side to face the back wall, you were just fuelling him and yourself by allowing your brain to take in his features. “I will never want that” you shouted, trying to regain some pride.

Lifting yourself off the ground and towards the corner furthest away from him you heard him reply “It’s been two minutes, let’s see how you feel after an hour”. An hour?! Your brain did mental back flips, you couldn’t last an hour like this, but you couldn’t give in to him or his demands.

At this point even his voice was making you want to scream.

“Or you could just tell me what want to know and I can make it go away” he butted in.

“I have more self control than you think” you drily laughed, of course you were lying through your teeth, this was absolute torture. You knew you wouldn’t give up your friends and colleagues, but you wanted nothing more than to be touched, every thought that ran through your mind was filth and you couldn’t stop it. And every single one of them was about the man that put you here.

Your body was trembling, if you tried to stand you would probably fall straight back down before you could get anywhere, and you were struggling to breathe. Turning your back to him, you faced the wall - the only thing you could do was to reduce the amount of pleasure he was getting out of it.

5 minutes went by.

Then 10 minutes.

Then 12 minutes.

Before it hit 15 minutes, you were ravenous. The only way you could describe it is pure hunger, like a wild animal that hadn’t eaten meat in weeks. The thirst you had felt earlier in the day was nothing compared to this.

Maybe some water would help. Stiffly, you crawled your way over to where you’d left the water, your knees wobbles as well as your arms, you did your best to pretend it wasn’t affecting you was much as it was.

Unscrewing the cap of the water bottle you took a couple of sips, the cold water definitely helped. You took moment to compose yourself and turned your head to gaze out of the glass, but Eraserhead was no where to be seen.

Whipping your head from side to side, searching for any sign of movement, but there was none. He was gone.

Exhaling, you felt like you could relax a bit more. Then something caught your eye, you weren’t proud of your previous purchase about a year ago, you were a single woman, you still had needs and no time to find someone to fulfil them.

The small black bullet was staring back at you, you swallowed the mouthful of water you had and darted your eyes back to the glass, just to double check he wasn’t lurking in the shadows somewhere.

Quickly, you snatched it off of the floor and held it in your hand. You had to act now if you didn’t want to get caught, he could come back at any moment, so every second counted.

You shuffled back to your corner of the room, despite the burning temperature that you could feel against your skin you pulled the blanket over your legs and up around your waist.

Wasting no time, you turned the bullet onto its lowest setting and gently touched it against your clothed clit - immediately you let out a loud moan and stopped the contact.

Having to be silent would be hard but if he heard you then he would surely come running.

Allowing the contact again, you bit your bottom lip to keep the noises inside your throat, every spike of pleasure that shot through you was captured in your oesophagus.

Closing your eyes and scrunching your brows together, you could tell you were going to orgasm soon and you’d only just started, this stuff must have been really powerful.

Slipping your hand into your underwear, you pushed a finger inside yourself and couldn’t help but cry out at the release it gave you, after what felt like an eternity of denial it felt like you were going to pass out.

It only took another minute of the rapid pace you were setting for yourself before you felt yourself clench around your own finger, the pulsing of your walls was directly followed with a wave of pure bliss.

You were panting as you came, your chest rising and falling heavily as though there was an invisible weight set on top of you. Your vision started to go blurry and you knew you’d exhausted yourself from your short self care session, the gas shouldn’t affect you if you weren’t awake. Hopefully that would help you to resist for a little bit longer.

Lazily you slumped to the side, using your own bicep as a pillow, your eyes fluttered shut and you fell into a fatigued sleep - by the time you wake up, the gas should be gone and Eraserhead would have gotten nowhere, you thought.

Oh how wrong you were.

Although you were asleep, your dreams were filled with ‘activities’ you had never even thought of before. Somehow your brain was able to conjure positions that you had never seen, as well as kinks you’d never heard of. 

All of them featuring the same man, at a time when you were most fond of him. It would be lying to say you had never had this dream before, it often came to you in day dreams and particularly lonely nights - no one ever knew, not even your closest friend. It was just a stupid school girl crush, until now.

“How is she sleeping?” you heard Eraserhead’s voice echoing in the background of your dream, it was like he was shouting in a large hall and his voice was bouncing off the walls. “I don’t know!” another voice answered, you didn’t recognise it.

How dare they interrupt your dream, it was just about to get good as well.

Groggily you opened one of your eyes very slowly, you noticed someone new in the room, but your eyes were too fuzzy to see a true figure. “That should have worked” the other man seemed confused, “Her self control must be as good as she said” he was laughing, why as he laughing? You just wanted to go back to sleep.

“I can get you an order of something stronger, but you’ll have to wait a few days” he carried on, that’s when you heard the voice you’d been waiting to hear in your dream, except he wasn’t saying what he would normally say in your fantasy.

“A few days?!” he growled. You weren’t thinking clearly, your brain was trapped between your sleep state and alertness, “Aizawa?” you mumbled sweetly, eyes still closed and the gas still in your system.

Surely this was still your dream, your brain had just started to make up a new scenario, that must be it.

The talking stopped, it was so silent you could hear a pin drop, “Maybe it worked better than you thought” the stranger chuckled and footsteps followed. You tried to open your eyes but it was as though there were tiny weights tied to your eyelashes and your eyelids weren’t strong enough to lift them.

“Y/N?” your ears pricked up when you heard your name being called, you fought against the tiredness and opened your eyelids for a moment.

Your vision was blurry, as though you were trying to look at something underwater, then they fluttered shut and you fell back into a deep sleep.

Taglist:

@mylife-demonstrates-murphys-law @hereticpriest @enagmaticether @anxiousgoddest

[enby-freeman]

love ur aus and all the content you make! I get the worry of peeps being tired of swaps but I'm real interested n dlove to hear more,, like whose swapping with who? is this full swap, just role swap, who changes how ya know? wanna know what these characters goals n motivations are, and how it'll shape the story's path

Thank you qvq. The swap at first was actually between Tommy and Gordon? But the more I thought about it, the idea of everyone sorta be shifted into spots they usually aren't sounded kinda fun?

So I really spiced things up and shook the swap box aggressively. Gordon still swaps with Tommy because I liked the idea of him being the one 'sort of sane kinda liked' person in the group. Everyone still kinda has their usual personalities, some things change but overall they're still the same very loved characters just with different roles.

Bubby the group's brand new leader. He doesn't particularly like his job or really anything else about Black Mesa, but it pays. I've been bouncing back and forth with the idea that he was still made in Black Mesa? And was made specifically for doing the more dangerous jobs, but I haven't fully settled on it. Bubby simply wants out of Black Mesa.

Coomer is the fun 'evil' security guard but with everyones favorite Coomer personality. He still comes off as very friendly, but his intentions are very obviously not all too pure. Bubby likes him despite Coomer constantly trying to set them back, but the rest of the group isn't so sure. Coomer might be friendly but theres very obviously something off about him. His entire game plan is to keep the group from finishing because he himself fears the end.

Gordon's the resident 'sane' member of the group. Now if anyone changes quite a bit in this au its probably Gordon? Hes still got his personality hes just...a lot more...I don't want to say innocent? Hes just nicer. A goof. He talks a lot about his son Joshua and their dog Sunkist that Tommy made him to watch Joshua. Gordon is not human. Gordon relies on Bubby the most and becomes more and more upset every time someone kills another scientist or gaurd. Gordon still very much is the one who loses his hand. His own goal is to get home to his son.

The best way to perfectly explain Gordon is:

Tommy's the tutorial A.I.! The very...very broken tutorial A.I. Tommy is a little more cryptic but otherwise still very friendly and welcoming to talk to. Bubby likes Tommy in particular a lot. Tommy does have clones and does frequently talk about the Play Coins. Tommy also constantly calls Bubby "Professor Bubby". If there was anyone in the group Bubby trusts more than Gordon, it would be Tommy. Tommy is probably closest with Gordon in terms of friendship before the Cascade. Tommy doesn't quite have a goal, he just simply wants to help.

Benreys a bastard scientist whose here to cause problems just because he can and also sorta push the story. He frequently worked with Tommy and Gordon specifically before the cascade and constantly uses the excuse "Its for science." whenever they do something arguably dangerous or stupid. Benrey for the most part isn't nearly as much of a problem as he is in canon? Because hes in Bubby's place. Hes helpful, very helpful, just kinda an ass who sometimes comes off as being against the group. He doesn't get along very well with Bubby but does get along alright with Tommy and Gordon. Benrey was made in Black Mesa. Benrey's personal goal is unknown, but Bubby assumes its simply just to get home like everyone else.

Haven't fully figured out Darbold, Gman and Forzen yet because frankly any one of them in the others role is arguably hilarious to think about, I'm still sorta working on what I like best with them. Do know Gman is still Tommy's dad tho, that doesn't chsnge.

Its a silly swap au meant to be silly, but I think its a fun take. Super sorry for this ending up longer than intended fft.

[determinationisnotcrash]

Conspiracy! Search Between the Lines of the Movie Script!

I wrote animated actor skits between the characters as a joke on the RP part of the @gbpack-discord , but then I thought about what kind of studio would allow the use of very real laser-shooting bone beasts in movies, as well as what kind of actors would stay around laser-shooting bone beasts, and this oneshot was born.

Impact and Soichiro belong to me.

Sabre and his brother (tentative name: Tsurugi) belong to @paddie-ut

Rigel and his brother (tentative name: Kaoru) belong to @skellepuns

Sabre helplessly clung for his life to the branch at the top of the prop tree like a stuck cat. “So this is how I die… Mum… Dad… Bro… I’m so sorry… You were right, I should have just stayed home doing Super Robot Wars recordings all along…”

Impact – or rather, the creature playing the role of the beastman’s body – kept trying to leap up at Sans, eying him hungrily like it had just discovered what it would have for its next meal.

From a safe distance (knowing well that trying to interfere himself would lead to being ripped in two), Impact’s voice actor yelled. “Hang in there, Sabre! You’ll be alright! Help is on its way! As long as you sit tight and don’t move-”

CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH!

The raptor started munching on the tree, its massive jaws easily slicing through the thick material like butter! The skeletal actor facepalmed, feeling quite foolish for jinxing it.

On the other hand (or rather, paw), another actor decided he’d had enough of seeing his co-worker being chased around by beasts. With several heavy footsteps, Rigel dashed towards the raptor and tackled it, wrestling it to the ground.

In his base humanoid form, it would have been like throwing himself at a brick wall. But in that half-beast shape, not only did he have a lot extra weight to throw around, he had quite the solid constitution. The ravenous animal snapped and struggled like the beast it was, but it was completely pinned.

Just in time, the people Impact’s voice actor called over arrived! Rigel carefully handed it over, not releasing his grip until it was safely in chains.

Rigel turned upwards towards his friend, putting on what he hoped looked like a reassuring smile. “Alright, Sabre! It’s safe to come down now!”

The small half-Blaster slid down to the ground. Without a moment’s hesitation, he sprinted past the others and off the set.

“Sabre…? Wait! We’re not finished with this scene!”

***

Break Room

Sabre huddled in the break room, staring grumpily at nothing in particular. During this time, several staff passed by, such as the ones in charge of props and special effects, but it felt too awkward for them to talk.

This continued for about half an hour… before he was startled out of his sulk by the sound of a coin rolling into a vending machine slot. A claw-tipped hand holding a canned drink entered his field of vision. “Wanna talk about it?” Sabre followed the arm to see…

“You’re Rigel… no, your real name is…”

“My name really is Rigel. Rigel H. Aster. Yours?”

“Rigel H. Aster…?” Sabre’s face lit up at the familiar surname. “I know you! You’re one of the leads of Pink Dark Boy! And the main lead of The Silver Soul! As for my name… it’s also really Sabre. Sabre Midorikawa.”

Rigel’s smile remained on his muzzle, but his eyes slightly narrowed at the last sentence. “Heh, that is what I’m famous for. But Midorikawa…? The actor half the staff- no, half the world is practically in love with? Did you use connections to…? And hold on a sec, how can a blind man watch television?”

A green blush tinted the small Blaster’s cheeks. “O-oh, I’m not actually blind.” He lifted a handpaw and with a cartoonish POP sound, the socket-blackening lenses came out. “And yes, I would like to talk about it. I just can’t stand the Director’s choices anymore! I thought I had the resolve to keep coming here, no matter what, but now…”

The tall, bulky skeleton nodded, taking a sip of his own soda, but his eyes bugged out upon the unfamiliar flavour reaching his tongue. He looked down at the can. Grass Jelly…!? Then Sabre got…

“EUUUUGH!” Several splutters and coughs left the man’s maw, his entire face seemingly scrunching up. “This milk…! It expired years ago!”

“Sorry, I should’ve known not to trust in company import vending machines.” Taking both cans, the blue humanoid dragon poured them down the sink, before chucking the empty cans away. It was for the sewage plants to deal with now. He silently wished them luck. “…Anyway, people drop in and out all the time. I don’t think anyone would blame you for wanting to leave. Just one question I’d like to ask, first…”

Sabre felt uncomfortable, shifting under the dragon man’s gaze. “Depends what it is…”

“Why did you come here in the first place? Everyone around the world is aware of the Director’s extreme methods. His movies have a massive following, but he’s renowned on the streets as a terrible employer.”

The smaller Blaster’s eyes seemed to shift their focus to thin air, recounting a time that had already passed. “Can you keep a secret?”

Rigel nodded solemnly.

Sabre checked the area around him, before ushering Rigel into the restroom and locking the door. He sat down on the toilet, getting ready for a long explanation. “It’s the reason I chose to have my character be a blind man to begin with… And the reason why that ‘Impact’ creature the Director brought along makes me so uncomfortable. I’m not only an actor, you see…

“I do detective work on the side – anything from missing pets, goods, or people… to dangerous cases, involving things like human trafficking and drugs. Mind you, I don’t operate alone. The reason why I’m not beloved as a detective is that my brother Tsurugi is the figurehead of our operations.”

That name was enough to make Rigel’s hair stand on end… is what would have happened if he had any. Instead, his ectobody tensed up, going from the consistency of blueberry jelly to more firm agar jelly. “That Tsurugi… The Early Genius? You’ve gotta be pulling my leg!”

Sabre disproved him, taking out his wallet and revealing a photo of them together. “I’m dead serious.”

“N-no way…”

“Way. Tsurugi’s hailed as a genius and a fighter, but that isn’t entirely correct. He’s the combat expert who handles the battles, whereas I’m the discrete thinker. He shines in the light, whereas I loyally provide him with everything he needs from the shadows.”

Cogs in Rigel’s skull started to turn. “I see… but… wasn’t he recently…?”

A grimace formed on the shorter man’s face as he confirmed. “Yeah. It was a crime in my hometown…”

***

La Gias City, two months ago

“HAAAAAA…! TASTE THIS, MY SIGNATURE TECHNIQUE! HUNDRED STORM FIST!” With strength beyond that of mortal men, the skeleton let out a fist rush, the wind stirred up from each punch being enough to blow away all his opponents!

“Heads up, bro! They’ve got reinforcements coming from below!”

Tsurugi’s confident grin didn’t fade. “Is that so? Then…” He leaped into the air, a powerful aura flowing around him, before doing a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree spin and colliding straight into the wave of mooks coming from downstairs. “LIGHTNING KIIIICK!” The room around him illuminated brilliantly! In one fell swoop, they were all immobilised!

Sabre couldn’t help but grin upon witnessing his brother’s handiwork. He really was amazing…! “Alright, proceed! The ‘boss’ is at the top!”

“Roger that!” Tsurugi sprinted up the stairs, entering a large, grandiose office room. It looked almost like the huge, majestic boss’ offices he saw on television: larger than a personal office had any right to be, elaborate paintings on the wall, and the back wall being a transparent window showcasing the night city skyline. Within it… he came face-to-face with the enemy.

Shouting with bravado, the man pointed a finger at the human woman behind the desk. “Well then, you’re the one behind all this! Kidnapping all those poor schoolboys!”

“Of course~!” The Evil Eleanor giggled. “My desire is nothing more than to dominate the young. So rather than brutes and savages, those boys are used to create fine gentlemen! Gentlemen for me to do whatever I wish with!”

“Such dreadful desires…! Desires befitting of a supervillain! Therefore, you must be punished as one!”

Eleanor cackled like a witch, the laugh of an evil hag erupting from the otherwise beautiful face. “Just try and stop me, Tsurugi! Come, my loyal guard dogs!”

“B-bro…! Be careful! My console is picking up several extremely high energy readings right next to you!”

The paintings to the side opened up, revealing skeletal demonic creatures that looked like they crawled out of hell itself. Curved, goat-like horns. Maws filled with vicious, blade-like teeth. They were completely covered in wicked spikes, to the point where simply approaching one would cause physical harm. And the worst part was…!

Tsurugi had seen his fair share of criminals, but the eyes of these creatures? They were something far worse than even the scummiest of lawbreakers! These beings… they radiated pure evil. An unstoppable force of nature unbound by the laws of society or the modern world! The simple sight of them made the half-beast skeleton break out into a cold sweat.

“Ufufu~ Marvellous, aren’t they? I know you’re world-renowned for your close combat fighting style. These wonderful creatures are the ultimate counter!”

“Indeed…” Tsurugi took out a handkerchief and dabbed at his skull. “You have me beat… I truly have no way of countering with my Dragon Style CQC… However!” Determination ignited in his eyes. With a snap of the fingers, several airborne mechanical drones burst through the roof and from below. “You’re sorely mistaken if you think my hands and feet were my only weapons!”

Eleanor’s face contorting into all sorts of ugly expressions, she screamed, “DO IT! MAUL HIM!”

“FULL BURRRRRRRST!”

The world become awash with light… and when it cleared, there was nothing left of the demons but ash. The skeleton let out the breath he was holding. He didn’t say it out loud for obvious reasons, but those laser drones were experimental. There was an equal chance of them detonating and blowing him up.

Warily, he approached the soot-covered mastermind. “Now tell me, why did you kidnap all those boys? What meaning is there in taking innocent children away from their family and friends? Most importantly… where are they now!?”

The only response he got was a wad of spit in his face. “Fufufu… You foolish skeleton… because you had to play teen detective, you’re marked! ‘They’ will pursue you to the ends of the Earth, until you’re silenced! Guhhh…” The life faded from her eyes. Unfortunately, it seemed that was all the information he would ever be able to receive from her.

***

The next night, Midorikawa Household

Tsurugi shifted in bed uncomfortably, that woman’s words still bouncing around his skull. It was the wee hours of the morning, yet he was unable to sleep. They… they… who were they…?

The sound of the fridge opening and being messily rummaged through, for once, was welcome. Sabre! Someone he could talk to about this!

Tail wagging vigorously, he leaped out of bed and all but sprinted downstairs into the kitchen. The creature he saw there would be the last thing he would see for quite some time. “…Y-you’re-!”

SLASH!

***

Present Day

Sabre finished his tale, a lump in his throat. “He was taken completely off-guard. The fact that he managed to fight it off anyway while blinded, unable to use his equipment, and hurt by physical contact with it is impressive, but just what I’d expect of my bro.

“No damage is permanent… he’ll heal, thanks to the funding and technology we have… but it’ll be a while before he’s able to see or move properly again. For that purpose, he’s in hiding right now while recovering. We took the opportunity to fake his death for now.”

The Blaster shuddered again at the recollection. “I felt crushed by that. If it weren’t for me wanting my brother to have all the glory… He wouldn’t have been targeted. I tried to make up for it by coming here, but… I’m starting to wonder whether it’s even worth it, if simple situations like these nearly kill me. If I’m just causing more problems…”

Rigel attempted a comforting purr, patting his friend on the back. “Sabre… It’s admirable that you’re doing something like this. I… I have a secret to reveal, too.” He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a shiny golden badge. “I’m a member of the International Police. Kit is, as well.”

“What!? I thought that was just a thing in movies!”

Chuckling, the dragon gave a friendly wink. “That’s what they want you to think!” The amiable expression, however, disappeared as he continued his explanation. “There have been a lot of funds diverted to the Director and his projects, some through legal means, others through not-so-legal means. A lot of money laundering’s been going on.

“And additionally, there’s… you know, that… thing. ‘Impact’. I became familiar with creatures like it prior to coming here. I performed an infiltration in one of the Director’s secret labs with my brother. What I found was something terrible…”

***

Lightbringer Labs, one month ago

Rigel had to physically clutch his snout to prevent the vomit from coming out. “T-this is…!” Familiar footsteps quickly approached from behind him, causing his heart to leap into his throat. “Kaoru, don’t look-!”

Too late! His brother had already seen the awful sight. “N-no… No, no, no, no, no, no, no…!” Those children were…!

In contrast to the hi-tech, futuristic outer walls of the institute, this room looked like it belonged to a deranged cult. Strange symbols, coupled with indecipherable writing were drawn in red paint(…?) all over the walls and floor, and beaten, ragged-looking children were placed in the very centre.

Cloaked figures surrounding the circle chanted out harsh, disgusting-sounding words, as a large muscular figure approached the children. It slowly raised its blade, and…! And…!! The two brothers reflexively looked away, but the sound of the splatter and the scent of blood were enough to confirm what had happened.

The room was soon filled with a terrible atmosphere – one that made Rigel even more physically sick than he already was. He had to fight the instinct to just flee that rose within him. The waves of evil aura became stronger and stronger… and a ball of shadow coalesced at the centre of the room. One of the cloaked figures grabbed it before Rigel could get a good look at it… but it was skeletal. And moving.

A smile – not genuine in the slightest and more like the fake one of a dog’s or dolphin’s – spread across the face of the staff member next to them. “Remember, you signed the legally binding contract! If you speak a word of this classified information to the general public… You’ll soon join them.”

A voice in Rigel’s mind screamed at him to tear the man apart. But he knew that wouldn’t get him anywhere, and he had to bear it for now.  

***

“Connections across the world, where they kidnap sacrifices… Labs, where they create hellbeasts… A movie, where they use real live hellbeasts… and, where they aim to portray said hellbeasts in a positive and affable light…

“I don’t know what the Director’s goal is, but it’s something sinister for sure. That’s why Kit and I decided to come here.”

This new information made Sabre’s head spin. Those children Tsurugi couldn’t save… and it was happening all across Earth…? After what felt like hours, though in reality it was a minute at most, the skeleton came to a decision. “…If the incident’s grown this large, then I have no choice but to keep going! My brother would have never turned a blind eye to an injustice like this! For my brother, and those poor children…”

Resolve starting to grow in his voice, Sabre continued, “We’ll beat that bastard at his own game! We’ll make a great movie, and find out what this Director is up to! Red, Doc, Mr Ignis, Magester, Ginger… maybe even that Soichiro guy who does lines for Impact! If we get them in on this as well, and use the creative control we’re allowed, we can foil the Director on all fronts!”

A grin spread across his face as the two of them left the toilet cubicle, heads held higher than anyone who had just taken a dump would look. Several stares went their way, but Sabre didn’t care at all. Just keep waiting, bro… soon, I’ll get to the bottom of this!

[writingwitchly]

The little loop

Pairing: Sirius Black x reader

Word count: 2k

Warning: sadness / mentions of war

A/N: So. SO. Soo. S O. The new Tumblr mobile actualization is being a total @#$%, school is asfixiating me, my sleepless hours keep getting worse, my brain isn’t helping, and I’m surrounded by  t e n s i o n s, with a 105% of probabilities of receiving the whole bad mood discharge on my head... A real fun ride. Anyway, this is for @herondalesucks​, cuz we need more sweet beans in this world and we should thank them when we meet any. Enjoy!

“Honestly,” you pant as you drop the grocery bags on the kitchen’s counter, “You didn’t miss anything too thrilling.”

The clinging cans and ripping of plastic fill up the silence that follows your remark, until your friend finally speaks up,

“Anything would be more thrilling that constantly looking at these same walls, Y/N.” Her head is bent over the rest of the shopping bags, but you can guess her sad expression by the off tone in her voice.

Yesterday, as Sirius and you attended a party at Marlene’s place, thinking about your redheaded friend’s comments if she had been there made the firewhisky’s usual burn bitter, and the same taste now invades your mouth after lying to her. The night was quite something. A moment of escape in the darkness of the actuality.

A little strangled sound coming from near the sink wakes you up from your reverie.

“Oh Lils…”

In a swift movement, your friend buries her face in the crook of your neck and, for the first time in years, she lets her feeling flow in salted water.

The Potters have been hiding for now exactly ten months, with the prohibition of participating to friend gatherings, Order missions, and any other type of outside trips -- including grocery shopping, which you’ve taken care of today as Batilda needed some rest.

For the energy balls that are Lily and James, this boredom is literally a synonym of long and painful death.

“Listen,” you whisper in her ear as you caress her flaming hair, “We’ll fix this, okay? Sirius and I will stay over tonight, so we can try to cook something special and then play some dare games.”

With a childish smile, she pulls away from her hideout, but still grasping to your waist as to life. “And can we build sheet-and-chairs forts and have a pillow fight and sing songs by the fireplace?”

“Of course,” you laugh, “Just like in the old days.”

Her heart a little lighter now, you decide to resume your emptying of the plastic bags, without much of a result as James storms in after a little while.

“Y/N!”

His rib crunching hug is worthy one of Hagrid’s, and it startles you the double as it comes from behind your back.

“Ow- James.” You pat his hands, and end up trying to get them off you.

“‘m so happy to see you,” he says excitedly, his tic of pushing his glasses up on his nose freeing you.

“Me too,” you breathe for air more than you say, red in the face.

The young man standing in front of you looks as clumsy as he did back in your teen years, which builds up his part of his charm, but you note some new seriousness deeply rooted in his eyes. It certainly is a consequence of having to deal with his responsibilities as an adult, then a husband, and finally a father, but you know for sure it is also the result of all you had to face right after getting out of your golden years, right after life as you knew it split into burning hell and awkward chaos.

“What are you two doing here? We’re waiting for you in the living room!” he asks.

“Well, we still have to…” His wife gestures toward the kitchen’s counter, where a considerable pile of food still waits to be stored in the cupboard.

You glance at her puffy eyes and the dark circles that underline them. It seems like all of the energy has been drained out of her body, which before was athletic and brisk, and now still is, but in an exhausted way. Her usual playful expression is just a shadow, a ghost that can be remembered only by those who have witnessed it in the past, and you’re not sure that her formerly joking voice can produce anything now but neutral comments or motherly encouragements.

Trying to ignore the feeling of pity that Lily would be ashamed to know she inspires you, you gently grab her wrist. “The cans won't fly away, Lils, let’s go.”

Still sniffing, but with her fine pink lips stretched in the attempt of a smile, the young woman nods.

As you turn toward the door, your mind registers a look of complicity traveling from her to her husband, but you don’t give it much importance. Couple things, you think. After all, you too have similar expressions sometimes.

“Where’s my little Harry?”

The living room, sunken in a semi-darkness when you arrived a while ago, is now lightened by reduced magical fireworks, much to the eleven-months-old baby’s amusement. Tiny fingers try to catch the bright glows, Harry’s young mind surely making up stories of its own to explain the bizarre shots of lights that he keeps failing to grab.

By the child’s side, on the carpet, Sirius lies on his abdomen, wand swirling to direct the fairy-like spots from his godson’s nose to the roof, and back. The huge grin of happiness plastered on his face, so different from the usual expression of worry that now accompanies him everywhere, tightens your chest. He keeps shouting at Harry, encouraging him to stretch higher to get to his goal, already teaching him the right attitude to face life. When the baby’s giggling convulsions involuntarily throw him off-balance, the man’s hand is there, always, to catch and steady him, which leads to more roaring guffaws and chirp-like laughter.

“Are you okay?”

Now, the roles are flipped: it’s Lily’s time to ask, and James’ turn to pat you.

Tears run down your cheeks, but you couldn’t place the emotion that generates them. Your heart is heavy with a mix of admiration for such a tender scene, for such a pure love. But also with the sight of your boyfriend playing with a baby -- a child that maybe, one day, you two will have the chance to mother too -- and acting like a father. And, unfortunately, the knowledge that this could happen outside, under a warm sun, in the green garden of a happy house, in a world at peace.

You used to think bitterly about having to fight at your young age, about seeing your dreams crush in the perspectives of suffering, about your colored horizon suddenly being replaced by a scale of dark, shapeless sorrow. But looking at Harry, at his pure green irises and his messy hair, you understand how much more he will have to face, growing in a world where innocence is replaced by uncertainty. How much braver he will have to be. And, even if you’re not a seer, even if you can’t declare prophecies like the one that links this infant’s path to that of evil and agony, you have the feeling that he will indeed be.

A warm chest pressed against your back causes your tensed muscles to relax, an exploit that only Sirius can achieve lately.

“Don’t cry, darling,” he whispers in your ear, “Or I might cry too.”

James and Lily take it as a joke, and chuckle a bit. So do you but, deep down, you sense truth in his words. This is a time when everybody, even the strongest, are susceptible of breaking down.

“I’m sorry,” you say gloomily, rubbing what’s left of the tears from your face.

Harry’s moans attract your attention, and you crouch down to take him in your arms, his naive wide eyes warming your interior.

“What do you guys think about putting Mr. Potter Junior to bed and cooking some pasta?” you ask between to pecks on the baby’s fleshy arms.

“Not yet.”

Not yet? You thought that Lily wanted to get a bit distracted.

“Yeah, not yet, Y/N,” her husband seconds her, scratching the back of his neck. “Harry still has a- mission to complete.”

“A mission, Harry?” you smile as you tickle the child’s belly. “What can it be?”

“You can tell Y/N now, Harry.” Sirius’ voice is warm and excited.

James starts shifting his weight from feet to feet, exaggeratedly beaming at you or his son, you can’t tell. “Come on, Harry, tell her to say yes.”

Even Lily seems affected by whatever got into the boys, because she repeats the Word yes over and over as she caresses the baby’s feet.

Harry’s innocent look bounces from each one of you to the next one -- probably not understanding what is going on, like me, you think -- until it finally comes back to his balled fist, which he starts munching.

Immediately, you are assaulted and the child is ripped from your arms.

“He’s going to swallow it!”

“Open his fist! Open it!”

“Don’t you- It’s not here!”

“Harry, spit!”

“Come on, Harry, listen to Daddy!”

“I told you this was the hell of a bad idea!”

In the agitation, neither of the three notices a small object falling on the floor. As you bend down to retrieve it, you distinct its silvery color in contrast with the red carpet. You take the little circle between two fingers and expose it to the light of the still moving fireworks.

Wait a minute: a circle?

“Sirius?”

Three heads jerk in your direction.

“Wha-”

“Surprise, darling.”

Everything, everything, in this moment is perfect. Your boyfriend’s goofy grin, his blushing cheeks, his glowing eyes, your friends’ relieved expressions, Harry’s bubbly drooling, and the little metallic jewel in your hand.

“Sirius, is this a marriage proposal?” you ask, feeling your skin prickle.

“Is this a yes?” he answers, as nervous as you are.

You’re grateful that nothing stands in the way, because you would have knocked out even a dozen of Death Eaters to get to him right now. Your body collides with his in a kiss that you hadn’t shared in a long time. It’s one of those passionate affection demonstrations you used to give each other in your first years as a couple, but that were now replaced by constantly covering each other’s back or worrying to death because of the other’s delay.

You feel his mint breath on your upper lip, and his teeth tugging your lower one. How long had it been since you last took the silky texture of his hair between your fingers? Apparently, he feels the same about the presence of his hands on your waist, as he hugs you tighter.

Your friends have the delicacy to look away until you two finish kissing, which takes so long that James rolls his eyes when you do. “There is a minor in the public.”

Lily pinches him with her free hand, and drags him toward the kitchen despite his waits and I want to see her say nos.

Your chest heaving up and down is on perfect synchrony with Sirius’, and your arms are still safely locked around his neck.

“You didn’t answer, darling.”

“Well, you didn’t properly ask, Black.”

He tries to suppress a smile, but fails.

How is it that you can still, and always, win?

“Fine.” His fingers softly force your hands open and grab the little cold loop from it. With a meticulous slowness and a wink that makes your heart melt, one of his knees reaches the ground, while the other, like his eyes, look up at your face. “Y/N L/N. To honor all the years of mutual love we have demonstrated each other, and still plan to do, would you grant me the-”

“Do you want to marry him or not?”

James’ intruding face quickly disappears back through the next room’s door frame, and through your giggling you hear Lily scolding him.

“Sirius Orion Black. It is with great pleasure that I-”

“Yes! She says yes!”

“James!”

“But Lily- If I hadn’t helped them, these two would still stealthily look at each other with fish eyes from the opposite corners of the room!”

“So would you if Y/N hadn’t stepped up!”

“What does this mean?”

“That they can handle their own thing by themselves.”

Ignoring their discussion, Sirius slides the shiny ring on your finger, enjoying the sight of it.

“Ready to become a Black, Y/N?”

“I’ve always been, Sirius.”

Permanent tag list: @miss-nerd0905�� @funnymrspotter​ @obsessionsandothersandmore​ @daytodayfun​ @electraheart-isdead @laurenslines​

Sirius tag list: @glitteryfreakslimeegg

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

Let’s Try That Again; The 10 Best Horror Movie Remakes

The horror movie remake is a polarizing topic that drives the horror community crazy. You either love remakes, or hate them. Few horror movie re-imaginings have been able to rise above their “remake” branding. Too many fans chalking their existence up to exploiting a film or franchise’s existing fandom, being made purely for profit, being rushed, or re-envisioning iconic characters to a lesser extent.

Despite not being received with open arms, there are a select few remakes that stand above the pack – converting their audiences of naysayers into rabid fans, re-invigorating the franchise they birthed from. Here are our picks for the 10 best horror movie remakes!

  10. Friday the 13th (2009)

Against the advice of locals and police, Clay (Jared Padalecki) scours the eerie woods surrounding Crystal Lake for his missing sister. But the rotting cabins of an abandoned summer camp are not the only things he finds. Hockey-masked killer Jason Voorhees lies in wait for a chance to use his razor-sharp machete on Clay and the group of college students who have come to the forest to party.

  Alright, I may get a lot of flack for putting this one on the list. But I really do love the Friday the 13th remake. It’s over the top, it’s got everything you want in a slasher, and there’s exactly 13 kills. While it doesn’t hold a torch to the original from 1980, this 2009 remake directed by Marcus Nispel ain’t half bad. There’s some really fun kills and a bit of back story about Jason.

  9. Piranha 3D (2010)

Spring break turns gory when an underground tremor releases hundreds of prehistoric, carnivorous fish into Lake Victoria, a popular waterside resort. Local cop Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) must join forces with a band of unlikely strangers — though they are badly outnumbered — to destroy the ravenous creatures before everyone becomes fish food.

  Piranha 3D is the perfect summer film! The original was released in 1978 and was titled simply Piranha. In 2010 we got a 3D remake that took the thriller element from the original and added way more boobs. And humor. And blood. Piranha 3D is a cheesy gore-fest. Directed by Alexandre Aja, it has an all-star cast including Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd and Jerry O’Connell. A great flick to watch in a group while vacationing at a lake. Just make sure to maybe check there’s not another lake under that lake.. filled with ancient piranhas.

  8. Quarantine (2008)

Reporter Angela (Jennifer Carpenter) and her cameraman Scott (Steve Harris) are doing a story on night-shift firefighters for a reality-TV program. A late-night distress call takes them to a Los Angeles apartment building, where the police are investigating a report of horrific screams. The TV team and emergency workers find an old woman, who suddenly attacks with teeth bared. What’s more, Angela and company find that the building has been sealed by CDC workers. Then the attacks really begin.

  [REC] (2007) is a Spanish found footage film directed by Jaume Balagueró. The film is absolutely terrifying and exactly how found footage should be done. One year later came the American remake Quarantine, directed by John Erick Dowdle. Both films follow the exact same story, so there’s not a lot of surprises watching the American remake. Both films also set up for a bunch of sequels, some of which are really great. The American version stars Jennifer Carpenter in the lead role, who does a great job carrying the story. I won’t say much more because both of these films should be watched with no prior knowledge of the story. The first time I saw the ending was one of the few times I’ve screamed out loud while watching a horror film. I apologized profusely to my neighbors.

  7. Evil Dead (2013)

Mia (Jane Levy), a drug addict, is determined to kick the habit. To that end, she asks her brother, David (Shiloh Fernandez), his girlfriend, Natalie (Elizabeth Blackmore) and their friends Olivia (Jessica Lucas) and Eric (Lou Taylor Pucci) to accompany her to their family’s remote forest cabin to help her through withdrawal. Eric finds a mysterious Book of the Dead at the cabin and reads aloud from it, awakening an ancient demon. All hell breaks loose when the malevolent entity possesses Mia.

  Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead was originally released in 1981. A campy, low-budget film that became an instant cult classic. In 2013, Fede Alverez’s re-imagined the beloved story of Ash and his deadites, creating a darker, more sinister interpretation. One of the biggest changes, was opting for an incredible female lead played by Jan Levy.  The film is deliciously dark, and only embellishes the silly, zany palate of the Evil Dead Franchise.  There’s been a lot of chatter about a sequel being in the works, but nothing concrete.

  6. Willard (2003)

Desperate for companionship, the repressed Willard (Crispin Glover) befriends a group of rats that inhabit his late father’s deteriorating mansion. In these furry creatures, Willard finds temporary refuge from daily abuse at the hands of his bedridden mother (Jackie Burroughs) and his father’s old partner, Frank (R. Lee Ermey). Soon it becomes clear that the brood of rodents is ready and willing to exact a vicious, deadly revenge on anyone who dares to bully their sensitive new master.

  Willard was released in 1973 and the remake came years later to screens in 2003. It stars Crispin Glover in one of his best roles, and a crap tone of rats. Glen Morgan directed this awesome remake and fills it with everything you’d want in a terrifying situation about killer rats. Glover shines on-screen as a total weirdo and carries the film with perfection. If you weren’t scared of rats before, you will be after this flick ends.

  5. The Grudge (2004)

Matthew Williams (William Mapother), his wife, Jennifer (Clea DuVall), and mother, Emma (Grace Zabriskie), are Americans making a new life in Tokyo. Together they move into a house that has been the site of supernatural occurrences in the past, and it isn’t long before their new home begins terrorizing the Williams family as well. The house, as it turns out, is the site of a curse that lingers in a specific place and claims the lives of anyone that comes near.

  An American remake from the Japanese original Ju-On: The Grudge released in 2002. The remake, directed by Takashi Shimizu, the same person who directed the original, is terrifying. Back in the early 2000’s it was harder for North Americans to access J-horror and horror audiences were grateful for an accessible remake. Starring Sarah Michelle Geller in the lead role, she carries the story with grace. There’s so many memorable moments and jump scares. While I do recommend The Grudge, I say go crazy and watch both the original and remake one after the other. Have the pants scared off of you!

  4. The Fly (1986)

  When scientist Seth Brundle (Jeff Goldblum) completes his teleportation device, he decides to test its abilities on himself. Unbeknownst to him, a housefly slips in during the process, leading to a merger of man and insect. Initially, Brundle appears to have undergone a successful teleportation, but the fly’s cells begin to take over his body. As he becomes increasingly fly-like, Brundle’s girlfriend (Geena Davis) is horrified as the person she once loved deteriorates into a monster.

  Originally released in 1958, it was a long time before The Fly remake came around in 1986. The original movie was adapted from a short story written by George Langelaan. The remake was directed by the always impressive David Cronenberg and starred Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis. Both brought insane performances to this movie which makes it such a great remake. Of course, it is Cronenberg, so…you know…don’t eat while you’re watching it.

  3. Dawn of the Dead (2004)

When her husband is attacked by a zombified neighbor, Ana (Sarah Polley) manages to escape, only to realize her entire Milwaukee neighborhood has been overrun by the walking dead. After being questioned by cautious policeman Kenneth (Ving Rhames), Ana joins him and a small group that gravitates to the local shopping mall as a bastion of safety. Once they convince suspicious security guards that they are not contaminated, the group bands together to fight the undead hordes.

  The original Dawn of the Dead was a fantastic, beautiful, groundbreaking film from Romero, released in 1978. The remake came in 2004, helmed by James Gunn and Zack Snyder. What stands out about this remake is how far they veer from the source material. But it works! The film boasts a strong cast featuring Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, and Jake Weber, to name a few. There’s also some heart-breaking moments and genuine scares. Oh, and zombies. Lots of those.

  2. The Ring (2002)

It sounds like just another urban legend — a videotape filled with nightmarish images leads to a phone call foretelling the viewer’s death in exactly seven days. Newspaper reporter Rachel Keller (Naomi Watts) is skeptical of the story until four teenagers all die mysteriously exactly one week after watching just such a tape. Allowing her investigative curiosity to get the better of her, Rachel tracks down the video and watches it. Now she has just seven days to unravel the mystery.

  Another J-horror American remake. Ringu was first released in 1998 based on the book Ring by Koji Suzuki. In 2002, along came The Ring directed by Gore Verbinski. This was a huge deal for us teenagers in the early 2000’s and made us all terrified of our landlines. The Ring is beautifully shot and colored mystery. It’s a wonderfully done film. It stars Naomi Watts as the mother fighting to save herself and her child, played by David Dorfman.

  1. The Thing (1982)

In remote Antarctica, a group of American research scientists are disturbed at their base camp by a helicopter shooting at a sled dog. When they take in the dog, it brutally attacks both human beings and canines in the camp and they discover that the beast can assume the shape of its victims. A resourceful helicopter pilot (Kurt Russell) and the camp doctor (Richard Dysart) lead the camp crew in a desperate, gory battle against the vicious creature before it picks them all off, one by one.

  You didn’t think I’d make this list without The Thing did you? Come on! Originally titled The Thing from Another World and released in 1951, the remake was done by John Carpenter in 1982. The Thing is probably the one film everyone will agree on. It’s perfection on-screen. Giant, snowy, cold landscapes filled with unbearable tension and fear. An outstanding performance from all involved – but Kurt Russell stands out on top. Amazing practical effects and a terrifying premise, The Thing is the penultimate remake. They actually remade this again in 2011, but let’s not talk about that..

  Those are our picks for the 10 Best Horror Movie Remakes! Are any of your favorites on this list? If not, let us know what your favorite horror remakes are in the comments below, or over in our Facebook Group!

The post Let’s Try That Again; The 10 Best Horror Movie Remakes appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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[thedreaminus]

Live or Die

ff.net | A03 Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Epilogue

Note: I have taken a long time for this and I hope it is so good like the other chapters. This chapter is part of the NoblesseSummerEvent #16_Disillusioned. Like the previous chapter it also have a song how inspired me ( Wear It Like A Crown - Rebekka Karijord).

I don't know where this fear comes from, How I became so afraid of losing everyone ...

The wolf was excited, excited in the sense of being curious. M-21 focused with closed eyes on the behavior of its animal counterpart, who analyzed all the odors and sounds around him, the bitter, spicy, sweet odors of plants whose name he did not know, the sound of flowing water nearby, the need to lean his back against the tree and feel the strange rough surface.

How long was it that he was outside? That he could feel the wind? He could not even remember. M-21 took another deep breath, and suppressed a shudder. The wolf in his head shrieked with longing, wanting to jump, race, explore everything. M-21 wanted to obey this drive and disappear between the many trees that were close by. However, there was a problem, several actually...

The guy named Kentas was already standing by his side for a while, throwing a look at him every now and then as if he wanted to make sure that M-21 was still there. In any other situation, M-21 would have done well, but not now. At the moment, he lacked both the physical and mental strength for an escape attempt. Two obstacles he could not hope to overcome.

So he was rather content to watch the strange bunch before him, whose favorite occupation seemed to be seriously and silently standing around, of course, with high-heeled hoods. A few were concerned about a second group, the prisoners. Or so M-21 suspected, for besides the torn clothes and tired faces, nothing indicated that they had been tortured. His own body was still black and blue, sore from the last torture. These people had to have excellent regeneration.

M-21 shifted his weight to relieve his leg. Kentas immediately responded to this minimal movement. He looked at him, and sniffed. M-21 was not quite sure what Kentas hoped to smell, but took it as an indication the sharp sense was another characteristic of these people. Anyway, he was almost grateful for Kentas role as a guard dog. The guy was so wide that he almost shielded M-21 from the eyes of the others. This gave him the opportunity to look at everything calmly without being stared at like an exotic creature. The events of the past few hours were so confusing and varied that M-21 seemed to be in a dream, so unreal were all the new impressions.

He did not know what he expected when one of the scouts had reported the gray-haired man, titled with great reverence as ‘Lord Muzaka’, that they had found the prisoners and had brought them to the surface. But a good-humored, "well then, make the ground all the same" made M-21 understand even less. The scout, however, had only grinned wildly and was off through the next wall. M-21 had seriously considered asking Kentas if they knew what a door was and what it was used for. And then they had just climbed up the ventilator hole, through the corridors, out of the lab.

M-21 had only once looked back. The lab had burnt, the lower floors were probably already collapsed at this time. He had locked this image firmly in his heart. With the destruction of the lab, another memory of his comrades was irrevocably extinguished. Only the mark on his wrist remained a clear proof of their existence and his own memories the proof of the time they were still human. In the distance he could still see the smoke rising into the sky.

By pure reflex, he clasped his bruised wrist and felt the tattoo he so abhorred and at the same time could not let go. In his mind, the wolf rose again, quite inconspicuously without striving for control. It was just there and enjoyed the quiet peace that the night gave to the world. M-21 tried asking his opponent questions, but the wolf did not answer questions. It simply existed, its concentration laid in the present. It felt the agony that M-21 passed through and wanted to give him peace.

For the wolf there was no right or wrong, no good, no evil. Life was a pattern, just like death, something that existed with all its beauty, ugliness, grief, despair, joy, and hope, and he was a part of it. The wolf’s presence faded and left M-21 with his questions, but in peace with himself.

Just then, the woman who had spoken to him in the cell approached them. Lunark had been her name. Kentas greeted her with a tilt of his head. "How are they?" He nodded to the former prisoners.

"Outwardly, all wounds have healed. However, they are apathetic, complaining about pain, can not concentrate and are easily irritable," Lunark’s voice showed her helplessness. "Where is the Lord?" "I don’t know, he just told us to wait here"

M-21 grunted to himself as he heard this. Apathetic and easily irritable? There was only one thing that matched with the description in this situation. Not to believe that this whole group had no idea, and he had already wondered why they opened the camp only a few steps from the lab. But the prisoners seemed to be in a bad shape. The thought of the symptoms made him uneasy because they reminded him of something. "Drugs" Lunark and Kentas both looked at him in surprise, "They suffer from the aftermath, is not it?"

"Yes," Lunark replied coolly, but objectively "The last dose was administered a while ago." "… And you came here without being prepared?" M-21 concluded slowly from the situation. Lunark's silence gave him the answer. He rolled his eyes, clear enough so that Lunark can see. "Pretty stupid, right?" "The effects should dissipate soon" Lunark's voice now sounded annoyed.

M-21 forced himself to restrain his temper. "They are addicted, dependent on those drugs. Do you have any idea for how long and how strong would be the doses given to them by those damn scientists? Cutting them off abruptly would not develop resistance, their bodies need the fresh dose to survive.” Lunark and Kentas looked shocked.

M-21 nodded sharply to the smoke in the distance, “All that effort you guys put to make ruins and ashes of the lab without even bothering to check what those bastards did with the prisoners. I would advise you to watch them, because it will get worse."

"Worse?" Kentas dig deeper. Lunark, on the other hand, did not seem to be able to decide exactly how to respond to his words. Oh? So they had no idea? M-21 shrugged "I do not know how long you've been looking for them, or what they've been given" M-21 looked at the former prisoners again "I can only guess that it's only the beginning. I would advise you to guard them individually and to hold them if necessary.”

“Hold?”

"So they do not hurt themselves, or attack others" M-21 leaned his head back against the tree trunk "They could have everything, pain, delusions, fever, muscle cramps, breathing constrain..." He counted slowly until Lunark interrupted him with a soft hiss. She turned away and joined some of the others. M-21 could hear her talking to them hastily.

M-21 watched from half-open eyes. The fact that he was right with his prediction did not really appeal him. The former prisoners probably had really strong drugs. Their withdrawal symptoms became increasingly severe. He also felt how uneasy his own muscles twitched and how hot his skin became.

Shit ... M-21 gritted his teeth together. He had experiences with withdrawal episodes himself, especially that time. Immediately after he had ripped a scientist’s throat out, none of the others had dared approached him. Until he, paralyzed by the withdrawal symptoms and pain, threatened to die. M-21 knew that it was going to get worse this time and he knew that he wanted to be alone when it started. Kentas was distracted anyway and M-21 used his opportunity to retire.

Not far away he found a flat cowle in a narrowed back. The ground was sandy. Led by instinct, M-21 crawled to the end of the cowle, which was only twice as wide as himself. By then, he was feverish, and the uncontrolled twitching of his muscles had intensified. M-21 laid down on the ground, the cold rock a welcome cool to his heated body. The wolf in him was silent.

To his chagrin, Kentas had earlier noticed that he had sneaked away and was not amused.

"What are you doing here?" snarled the bullish man. M-21 looked at him irritably, clasping his arm tightly to keep the uncontrolled twitch at least partially in check. "What does it look like?" He hissed back. Kentas blinked, and looked at him closer. "You too?"

M-21 saved his reply and rolled over, staring fixedly at the rock face in front of him. He was used to pain, but a withdrawal was something quite different, as if something vital was missing. His body demanded something that he could not give to it and the thought of somehow giving his body what it needs pounded wildly in the head. Another fetter the Union had laid upon him. M-21 twisted as his stomach cramped as if someone was digging in with a knife.

Kentas stayed close to him or so M-21 thought, but he was not sure. The withdrawal symptoms grew increasingly violent, he lost touch with his surroundings, and did not know if someone was with him or not. Every now and then, there was an awkward moment where he would notice Kentas sitting next to him and holding him tightly. Other times the man was not there. But he could just be imagining things.

M-21 trembled, the heat was gone, now he was cold. His body ached but at the moment it had gained a resting phase where it was tolerable. Worse, however, was the thirst that had tormented him for quite some time. He licked his dry lips and looked up to see whether Kentas was still next to him, or whether he had become tired of watching him roll on the ground, trying to not scream in pain.

Kentas was not standing next to him, but there was someone, someone M-21 had never seen before. This was a man, blond and in black clothes. One of Muzaka's people? M-21 blinked heavily, his vision blurry, but something held his conscious. The wolf was there again, growling, its presence much stronger than it had been in the last few hours … Why?

"Very interesting," said the stranger in a quiet, expert voice, a strange smile on his lips "What do we have here?" M-21 froze, the wolf whined in his head and now he knew why. He knew a tone like this and when the man came closer, he could also perceive a sharp, biting smell from him, which was just as familiar. That was a scientist ... M-21 bared his teeth and growled in unison with the wolf. At the same time, he tried to crawl backwards as far as possible.

The man stopped, his eyes shining with pure curiosity as he knelt down and be at the same height as M-21. M-21 trembled, and this time neither cold nor pain was the cause. It was fear. There was a damn scientist before him. He bit his lip so hard that blood flowed over his chin. The bitter premonition that he was betrayed surrounded his heart like a fist.

Muzaka and his people had sold him. What else? Why had he hoped to be free for a moment? He stood up, though his arms and legs were trembling. He never wanted to be a scientist's guinea pig again. M-21 growled louder, his heart beat erratically against his chest. Either he would die or the scientist, no other conception dominated his thinking. He just wanted to get away, no matter how.

The man said something and stood up too. But blood flowed through his ears and he could not understand him. Then the scientist took another step towards him and M-21 attacked. The man deftly dodged, making M-21 stagger and barely stop himself from meeting the opposing wall head on. His breath hitched, but his feverish spirit hardly noticed it as he turned for another attack. A casual, but powerful flick of the other man’s hand thwarted this second attempt too.

M-21’s back slammed against the wall, and he slipped to his knees. He could feel his sick body giving up on him, the wolf roaring in his head and he had to support himself with one hand in order to not sprawl on the ground. Why now? Why did his body not want to participate? If it was only a little earlier maybe... he waited patiently until the stranger came before him and stooped down to him again. A trembling fist closed on the sandy ground, then out it went towards the scientist’s face. The man raised his arm to avoid the handful of sand thrown into his eyes, but not fast enough. Cursing something about his suit, he backed away and M-21 jumped up, rushing past him to the exit ... only there stood another person.

M-21 did not recognize this person, he hardly recognized anything from his surroundings. Everything was blurry and spinning. His arm raised hesitantly, should he attack? Or try to sneak past? Just before he was about to attack, harsh fingers closed around his wrist and yanked him back.

"That's enough" This time, the scientist twisted his arm on his back and forced him to his knees, his voice sounded ice-cold and annoyed. "Chill out" No! M-21 wanted to scream. He turned to free himself. His other hand waving wildly to claw the scientist’s face out. Everything in him wanted to get rid of this bastard before something happened, before he was no longer able to escape! "Calm down"

The words flowed into his head with incredible power. M-21 gasped and turned his attention to the front. The second unknown had come upon him, and was reaching out for him. M-21 pressed his eyes together and shook his head to drive the hold on his mind. He ... He had to ... He ... His body simply sat, like a marionette with its threads cut. A whimpering came from his throat as he desperately tried to get up again.

"Sleep"

-.-.-.-.-

The blond caught the falling experiment and carefully placed him down. The boy breathed flatly and hastily and his heart ... his heart. Curiously, he put a hand on his chest and felt the strong blow of the organ.

"Frankenstein" came a chiding voice in front of him. The man named Frankenstein twitched noticeably and raised his head. Two dazzling red eyes stared at him disapprovingly. "..."

"Master. He attacked me first" Frankenstein tried to defend himself from his master. Cadis Etrama Di Raizel sighed. As usual, his servant was a little too wayward. A hard thud, as if something heavy hit on a rock, announced Muzaka's visit. The werewolf stood casually beside Raizel, and greeted the two of them with a tilt of his head.

"And?" "And what Muzaka? This ..." Frankenstein paused briefly in his choice of words "He is not one of your people, is he?" The werewolf shook his head, his face showed a restless expression. “We found him in the laboratory. He was bitten."

Frankenstein raised a skeptic eyebrow, as if discerning the authenticity of his words. "Well, what is he then?" Muzaka nodded to the unconscious human on the ground. The boy groaned as if to command, shuddering.

"First and foremost in danger," said Frankenstein in a surly tone and lifted the body. "Just like your remaining people. We should provide for him quickly if you want him to survive. And that is what you want or?" he pushed past the werewolf to the outside "I would be more interested in why you let him live."

Muzaka shrugged, a neutral expression on his face. Beside him, Raizel scarcely drew his eyes, resting his gaze on human in Frankenstein's arms.

[talesmaniac89]

Disney Movie Madness

Summary: Dad!Crowley & Daughter!Reader - Crowley tries to convince it’s bed time, not Disney movie time

Word Count: 1975

Triggers: None, just father/daughter fluff

Y/N = Your name ¦ Y/E/C = Your eye colour ¦ Y/H/C = Your hair colour

Note: Another one shot with the father/daughter duo from Fatherhood both stories can be read separately from each other or together. Just fluff, no strict story-line here guys! I have a few more of these dad/daughter one shots planned as well so do let me know if you have any moments you want to see dad Crowley in with his five-year-old!

--- 

It had been over five years since Crowley was thrown into his surprise role as a father, a role he never thought he would hold again. Over five years since the hellhound brought the bundle of joy to his door and surprised him the first time. Yet, he still found that his little princess surprised him time and time again. Especially with how smart she was. Sure, maybe it was just a father’s pride speaking, but his little chipmunk had a certain knack for negotiation that just had to be more nurture than nature.

Or maybe he was just too soft when it came to his little darling. Either way his daughter, a tiny little human being, had managed what hunters, demons and witches had tried to do without even breaking a sweat. She had the king of hell wrapped around her tiny little finger.

“Daddy, movie!” The little princess’ voice held that cheeky little lilt it always got when she knew she was asking for something she shouldn’t and her big (Y/E/C) eyes looked expectantly up at him from where the small girl was clutching her current favourite disney movie to her chest.

Life in hell wasn’t easy, even if he tried to make his personal slice of hell feel exactly like any other normal home and kept all the evil, vile hatred safely locked away outside of its confines. So, Crowley made sure to enforce some rules to make the life of his little girl as normal as possible. Even a princess had bedtimes, and it was closing in on hers.

“How about we watch that tomorrow pet? It’s almost time for dreamland,” Crowley said as he lowered himself to one knee, like a knight swearing loyalty to his princess. His hands reached out for the movie his daughter held tight in her small little hands, but she only twisted her body a little so he couldn’t reach it and put it back on the shelf.

He could see the little pout forming, his one true kryptonite. He darling girl’s bottom lip had started sticking out just a tiny bit and her big eyes got, if possible, even bigger as she shook her head, making a storm of (Y/H/C) hair around the small round cheeked face of his chipmunk.

“Noooo, daddy. Movie time, not beddy time,” She whined, pulling the movie up so that it was hiding half of her face, only a pair of bright, expectant eyes visible behind the colourful plastic case. The demon turned father knew he was only a second away from getting her best puppy dog look, which normally didn’t end well for him. So he put on his best fatherly tone, not strict, nor anything near the royal tone he used with the demons, but a gentle nudge towards the rules of the royal household of hell.

“Now sweetheart, even princesses have bedtimes you know. Cinderella had to be home by 12, and she’s older than you. What happened to Cindy when she was later than 12?” Crowley said to the now two princesses in front of him as the five-year-old that was quickly becoming as stubborn as her old man kept the cover in front of her face to, quite possibly, hide a cheeky grin since his little angel was fully aware of how to get her daddy to agree with her.

“She turnded into a pun-kin!” The devilish little princess giggled before hugging the dvd box close once more and letting her head drop to the side a little as she looked at her father. “But I won’t turn into a pun-kin daddy, promise,” She added the promise that hinted to a truly magnificent imaginative mind like a whispered secret between the little family. Her conspiratorial whispered tone no lower than her normal indoor voice as the girl had yet to learn the nuances of high and low properly.

“Pet,” Crowley sighed as his little princess engaged the puppy look that he knew would someday make him give her the world if she asked for it. Crossing tiny arms over the movie case and hugging it tight like it was one of her many teddy bears she looked at him with a tiny smile. The same smile that had gotten her half those same teddy bears. The handful of demons that knew of her kept spoiling her whenever she smiled like that, so she had damned near perfected it over the years.

“Jus’ oooone movie daddy. ‘Ette wanna watch too,” The tiny smile was even evident in her voice as she spoke, bringing the third member of their little family and her favourite hellhound into the mix. Though Crowley doubted the hellhound actually wanted to watch another princess movie. Still he knew Juliet would, for (Y/N). The hound was more like the nanny from the Peter Pan movie Crowley had seen more times than he could count since his little girl entered his life than the beast she’d been raised to be these days.

“We can watch the movie tomorrow pet,” The king said though he could feel himself giving in to her demands already. After all he knew his little girl would be getting tired and would most likely fall asleep on the couch before the end of the movie. So the little hostage negotiation of bedtime was easier solved if he let the little princess fall asleep in the company of other princesses.

“Today an’ tomorrow,” She punctuated her cheeky words with a little nod, like Crowley had already agreed to let the little chipmunk watch her movie before bedtime. Giving up on the battle of wills he knew he was bound to lose either way, the ruler of hell just gave hell’s little princess a laughed shake of his head before lifting her into his arms, movie and all.

“Ok, one movie, but then you need to brush those pearly whites first, ok?” He said as he blew raspberries against her neck and made her squirm and giggle in his arms. Taking the movie from her as her pure, sweet laugh filled the room he let her hold on to his neck and give him one of those trademark warm hugs as with a laughter filled promise as he walked her out into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

“Thank you daddy!” The little girl almost sing-songed the words as she hugged him tight. And to Crowley, the salesman, the demon who never made a deal without knowing he would get tenfold what he put it, that little thank you was worth more than any soul, treasure or political position ever could be.

---

“No, ‘Ette here and daddy here,” The little princess said as she sank into the couch, using her little hands to pat the couch next to her on each side like it was her throne and she wanted to share it with the rest of the small royal family for the movie night. Her small hands against the leather insistent as she smiled at him with newly brushed teeth.

Moving the papers he’d been planning on looking through of off his lap Crowley easily moved from the chair to the couch with a smile. Reminding himself once more that he wasn’t a king within the doors of his personal castle, he was just a father. The paperwork could wait.

“Ok sweetheart, daddy is sorry,” He said as he sank into the couch and let his little girl curl up against him before hitting play and resigning himself to watching the same old princess movie again, for her.

“Is ok daddy,” The little princess whose head was leaning against his shirt covered arm said, disguising the first hints of a yawn. Before her eyes focused fully on the screen as the  by now all too familiar Disney logo filled the screen.

Hiding his smile with a soft kiss against the crown of her combed through (Y/H/C) hair Crowley lifted his arm to let his princess curl up fully against his side before watching the princess on the screen sing in the start of the movie. Knowing full well that his own little five-year-old wouldn’t last long when the mumbled sing-along faded out quickly in complete contrast to her normally belted versions of the song.

It didn’t take long until his predictions came true as he felt his daughter’s tiny form grow heavier against his side and her breath grew steady with sleep. The princess in the movie hadn’t even fully started her adventure yet before his own tiny little royal was venturing into dreamland on her own adventures. Slaying dragons, picking flowers and riding unicorns along the way.

Without turning off the movie, since he learned early that the change in sound was enough to wake her right back up, and since Juliet seemed to actually be enjoying it, he carefully moved until he could lift the little girl up without fully walking her. Her little pajamas covered arms lazily circling his neck as he carried her away from the TV and the movie she had been adamant about watching though she hadn’t even seen a fraction of it.

Walking across the brightly coloured living room he avoided toys and papers along the way as he hummed along to the song playing on the TV in the background. Mentally warning himself to never let any of the demons, or worse yet the Winchesters, hear him hum the song in a moment of forgetful absent mindedness. His little chipmunk however, she was the only one allowed to see this side of him, the man, the father, not the demon.

Stepping over another abandoned toy car he opened her bedroom door with his mind, not wanting to wake her by shifting her around to do so. The hum not lessening now that the movie was out of view and its cheerful song hidden by the bedroom door. That night, that song would be his daughter’s lullaby, a wish of good dreams and a quiet night’s sleep as he pulled the covers back with his mind before placing her among her myriad of teddy bears and pillows.

Her little arms wouldn’t let go of him straight away and he couldn’t help but smile lovingly as he moved them down by her sides. Rearranging the teddy bears slightly so that her favourite puppy shaped teddy was within hugging distance of her tiny little hands before he reached down and pulled the blanket up around her to tuck her in. Sure, he could do it all with his power, but he loved this little moment every night and didn’t want to miss even a second of it.

“Good night chipmunk,” He whispered, voice low and sweet as he leaned down and placed a soft kiss against her forehead making her smile in her half-sleep state. “Daddy loves you,”

“Night daddy, love you,” She mumbled sleepily from her soft cocoon of pillows and teddy bears, already half way up to her castle in the sky where she would spend a few quiet hours in dreamland before waking up to watch her Disney movies once more.

And that, that was how Crowley wanted every night to be. Disney movies and all. As long as he could end his day with her, hearing those words that brought meaning to his life and made him look forward to another day with his princess.

Because in those moments he wasn’t the king of hell, he was just her knight, her father. Safely and softly sending his princess into dreamland with a forehead kiss and a wish of nothing but cotton candy dreams. Rewarded with words that made him feel human, made him feel purpose past anything he had ever had in his over 300 years alive. 

With love and wishes of a good night.

Please do let me know if you wish to be removed from the tag list

Tags:  @auszimbo @upon-a-girl @gallifreyansass @mogaruke @skybinx-blog  @delisp@jensen-jarpad @supernatural-jackles @deathtonormalcy56  @27bmm @wildfirewinchester @just-another-busy-fangirl  @ecsj  @imboredsueme

Tagging a few Crowley fans I know this time too, to keep that shameless streak going: @roxy-davenport @crowley-you-sinnamon-roll @scheherazades-horcrux, @ajacentlee, @chelsea072498 @annabellerosemasters @alangel1895

[troutfishinginmusic]

Interview: John Galm (Bad Heaven Ltd.) talks Twin Peaks

John Galm (Bad Heaven Ltd., Snowing, SLOW WARM DEATH, Street Smart Cyclist) loves Twin Peaks. I love Twin Peaks. He has a new Bad Heaven Ltd. record out called Strength. He did a good interview about the album here. Instead of going over the standard questions about the album, I wanted to get his thoughts on the new season of Twin Peaks.

But first I wanted to include the text from an Instagram post Galm made about the album that gives some insight into his deeply affecting new album.

Over the past few years, I've been writing a lot more from these series of disparate memories, where I take images from my past and create these new scenarios based around them. For Strength, I kept coming back to this one image, of evening on pine street in Kutztown, Pennsylvania, the town where I went to college and spent four difficult years. After high school, a lot of my friends went off to cities and were enjoying the culture and experiences they provide for folks fresh out on their own for the first time. I was stuck in the middle of farmland, still reeling from the death of my dad a year prior and struggling to relate to anything and anyone around me. I felt alien; isolated, and it's a feeling that’s stuck with me for many years. When these songs started coming to me, I'd see Pine Street, and the old house where some of my only friends lived draped in orange streetlights, and I’d imagine a world where I had someone, that type of friend you have an irrefutable connection with, to sift through the darkness with. For years, I felt like my years in Kutztown took something from me. I took my inability to feel OK there as a personal defeat; as something fundamentally wrong with myself. I know now, almost a decade removed from it, that that's bullshit. In a way, Strength was a way for me to reconcile with this thing that I haven't known how to: A time of great confusion where I couldn't find the comfort and support I needed in the place I was stuck in. To go back and re-see these streets knowing that what I needed wasn't there and to re-imagine how it'd feel if it had been, in its own odd way, helped me heal.

Now here’s my awkward attempt at talking about season 3 of Twin Peaks and being out-nerded by John Galm. I’ve changed the format to go with my style for the blog. Other than that, I left things mostly as they were in our conversation via Facebook Messenger.

What did you think of the split of the Dale Cooper character?

I took the split Dales a lot like how I took the rest of the season. I remember staying up until 2 finishing the first four episodes the night they premiered and being so utterly confused by the tone of the show. The vibe had obviously changed, which I don't think anyone was expecting, but that's David Lynch. He's an artist that trusts his vision and follows where it takes him, which I respect. Once I realized that, I just let the show sweep over me and rolled with the punches.

Having the split Coops was a necessary thing with how season two ends, and Kyle Maclachlan did a masterful job. I have no idea how he wasn't even nominated for an Emmy. All three roles (four if we count the tonal shift from Coop to Richard) really touched on these almost ingrained, primal human qualities that made each so unique, and again, Kyle MacLachlan played them so perfectly. To watch him as Mr. C and a scene later see Dougie Jones didn't even seem like the same actor. Was it all good? No. Dougie was a lot to handle, but I think with a lesser actor, it would've been unbearable.

I found myself typing out all the stuff I thought about it too but realized that'd probably make for a shit interview. I totally agree with those assessments though. Anyway, what did you make of the room with the portal? That whole thing was interesting to me. A lot of pieces of the season feel like they could be short David Lynch films. Episode 8 with the bomb definitely could have been.

Which portal room are you referring to, specifically? There were a lot of portals to be honest.

Yeah I didn’t even think of that but yeah there are. I was thinking of the part where the guy was just paid to sit and watch the glass box.

Ah right. It's hard to say. I think the later implication is that Mr. C was the mystery financier of that room, but I could be wrong. I know Lynch left a lot of those sort of details hidden, probably so that we could have conversations like this one. And honestly, it's been a bit of time since I've re-watched season three, which is on my to do list for the next few weeks.

I think it makes sense that if Mr. C was financing the room, he was either trying to capture Cooper to keep him from returning to our world, or he was trying to capture the creature that arrived (known as the experiment in Twin Peaks lore). Either way, it makes sense: Mr. C was literally evil incarnate; the complete inverse of our Cooper. Harnessing literal, pure evil seems like pretty reasonable task, and one that would've provided an already powerful creature with even more power.

Also, my god, I fucking love this show.

Well that certainly makes sense if it's true. It's definitely going to give me some new perspective when I watch it again. What was your take on Audrey's storyline?

Audrey’s storyline was a tough one. I know it disappointed a lot of people, including Sherilyn Fenn. There are some really interesting elements to it, though. There’s that now famous scene, the Monica Bellucci dream, where she talks about living inside a dream. I think that is a larger element to the overarching narrative of the season, and I think it plays out largely in what we see of Audrey. I mean, it’s hard to talk about all the elements, but Audrey led a traumatic life after season two, and I think the scenes we see of her are she’s created to escape it. Where it gets interesting for me, though, is thinking about, well, if Audrey is living within a different plane of thought, what else is taking place there? What other scenes from the show are also a product of this reality in which Audrey finds herself in? I know a lot of people were confused by these Roadhouse scenes where characters discussed people and events we hadn’t heard of before. Maybe they’re all in Audrey’s head? maybe we were seeing a lot more of Audrey before we knew we were.

Also, the end of episode 16 where she snaps out of one reality and into another was one of the most terrifying and intriguing moments of the whole show for me. I absolutely loved that.

What was your take on the score and the more song-based soundtrack?

I think the more song-based soundtrack was kind of a neat touch. the original soundtrack had such an impact on so many musicians, and you could really see that in a lot of the bands they chose to work with.

I actually listen to the season three soundtrack quite a bit, as well as the companion piece that Dean Hurley released. What I find most fascinating about the season is how sound really plays a role in the events. Oftentimes, you'll get these long expanses without background composition, which, for television, is very rare. It elevates those moments when suddenly a song hits, or there's whispers of static, that break you from this almost monotonous pacing and thrust your mind into hyper drive.

Did the new season work its way into influencing the new Bad Heaven Ltd. stuff in any way?

It's hard to say. David Lynch is one of my favorite artists across any medium, so his influence is always prevalent in what I do. I think that, in general, being a fan of his allows you to think outside the box and try things that may not be so conventional, which I employed on this record for sure.

Do you think season 3 put a good cap on the whole series since it doesn’t seem like there will be more seasons?

A good cap may not be the right way of putting it, but season 3 gave us so much more of a world that a lot of people spent the last few decades speculating about. And while it provided some answers, it gave us so much more to ponder and dream about. For that, I think we should be forever grateful.

You can download Bad Heaven Limited’s new album Strength here

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 55*: Shirt Club

“This sounds like a very abstract problem.”

For fear of echoing Buck Dewey’s condescending assessment of Steven’s drawing, there’s just something endearing about a cartoon about making art. Animation as a medium is remarkable for how many types of artists are involved: for instance, Steven Universe exists as a collaboration between visual artists, writers, songwriters, actors, singers, composers, and instrumental musicians. It’s a crew that by necessity has a passion for art in many forms, and episodes like Shirt Club let this passion shine. (See also: James Baxter the Horse from Steven Universe’s big brother Adventure Time.)

Many of the artists behind Steven Universe have multiple roles: most famously, its storyboarders are also its scriptwriters. Some boarders even pull triple duty, like guitarist Jeff Liu and voice actor Lamar Abrams, who brings Buck to life. It’s fitting, then, that Shirt Club revolves around guitars and Buck as Steven navigates his way through the perils of publishing his art.

As sincere as this episode is, it’s also ridiculous. The final sequence of Steven as a faux assassin straight up shooting Mayor Dewey in the chest is absurd both as a situation within the show and as something that was allowed to be on the show itself, but sure enough, Steven Universe manages to give a lone gunman sniping spree an emotionally fulfilling resolution.

This scene proves a core lesson of the episode: just because something’s silly doesn’t mean it’s not art. Buck hits the nail on the head when praising Steven’s drawing for its sincerity and naïveté, even if he’s being a wad about it: the Guitar Dad shirt is awesome because it’s a pure expression of a kid looking up to a parent, even if that expression won’t win any medals for aesthetics (and because it won’t). Steven Universe doesn’t need to prove its artistic merits, and the episode is wise to avoid this path and devolving into meta defensiveness, but I appreciate how its structure demonstrates its message. 

That Buck recognizes Guitar Dad’s merits but sees its meaning in a negative light speaks volumes about his own relationship with his father, as well as the general adolescent obsession with irony. And let’s face it, Buck is mean in this episode. The other teenagers laugh at the shirt, but don’t necessarily laugh at the subject: Sour Cream is a bit of a jerk to Greg, but Jenny seems to honestly appreciate him even if she thinks he’s funny. Lars is easily swayed, having no opinion on the shirt but seeing the value in at least pretending to appreciate it (which certainly lumps him in with real-life folks who feign an appreciation for art for impress people, if you’ll allow me an overanalysis). But Buck is cruel in a way that’s uncomfortable, but not totally out of character.

In Lars and the Cool Kids, Buck is the most enigmatic of the Cool Kids, as per his mirroring of Garnet. As he repeatedly pulls the rug out from under Lars with a straight face, it’s hard to tell how much he’s intentionally messing with the guy. The same goes for his ordering salad at the Big Donut after examining its salad-free displays. He plays it so cool in both situations (and in general) that some of it has to be an act, and he’s perceptive enough that he has to notice Lars’s barefaced need to please, but he’s such a closed book that we can’t get a read on what’s in his head.

We see more of him in Shirt Club than ever before, and while he’s always been friendly to Steven, we really don’t know him all that well. His father’s an obvious sore spot, and seems to be the only thing that can make him completely crack, whether from embarrassment or being genuinely touched (or feeling remorse or feeling more embarrassed, a tear from this guy could mean anything). It makes for a fascinating “villain” when compared to our emotionally open hero, and he’s really the only kind of antagonist an episode like Shirt Club can have.

Regardless, the fact that Buck is still somewhat out of character (he’s utterly kind to Steven everywhere else in the series) is worth noting, because this is one of the last collaborations between storyboarders Lamar Abrams and Hellen Jo before the latter left Steven Universe. While this team is responsible for some terrific episodes and my all-time favorite scene of the series (the ending of Winter Forecast), they’re also behind House Guest and Fusion Cuisine, which are essentially about evil twins pretending to be Greg and Connie. 

For whatever reason, the Abrams/Jo team seems to enjoy bringing out the worst in beloved characters (or inventing negative traits out of nowhere) in ways that wildly diverge from their typical depictions. It allows for drama within a contained story, but in a way that clashes with the consistency of the series; with the exception of Island Adventure and its lesson that emotional and physical abuse is okay sometimes, these kinds of character-nuke episodes are my least favorite. Shirt Club is the best of these divergences by far, in that I can actually deduce Buck’s rationale and because he’s a mysterious character by design, but it’s still an unfortunate trend that happily gets ironed out as the show continues.

(Bear in mind that beyond letting us watch the snow fall, Abrams co-boarded The Answer and Chille Tid and When It Rains, and while it may be a coincidence that each contains a breathtaking scene of a character coming to grips with a scary new environment, I tend to think that he’s really good at framing them. He’s also the only boarder to work on every Onion episode; even if Onion Gang is a dud, Onion as a character certainly isn’t, and I get the feeling we mostly have Abrams to thank for that. I want to give no impressions that this isn’t a brilliant animator.)

Mayor Dewey and the Crystal Gems are here for comic relief, and oh boy do they deliver. Jo and Abrams are brilliant at giving the Gems incongruous background tasks: in Watermelon Steven it’s reading the paper, and here it seems to be assembling IKEA furniture. Their criticisms of Steven’s art and unwillingness to help his strange problem highlight Shirt Club’s casual tone, and they get little moments of self-parody without dipping too deep into meta humor: Garnet’s twinkling shades during a pregnant pause certainly counts, but Amethyst and Pearl’s escalating concerns about Steven’s shirt problem takes the cake.

Mayor Dewey is incredibly, but not unbelievably, lame. Between his outdated slang and his blatant desire to connect with youths (without putting in any actual effort) it’s easy to see Buck’s disdain. Bill’s speech about losing his speech is overshadowed by Steven setting up his sniping position, but is worth paying attention to for Joel Hodgson’s masterful meandering.

And despite his selfish and thoughtless intentions, actually seeing Buck and Steven making shirts is a bunch of fun. It evokes Steven and Greg’s adventures in rocket science from Space Race, but with the wrinkle of Buck demonstrating actual knowledge of the craft to contrast with Steven’s silliness. While the distribution and interpretation of art once it’s complete makes up the episode’s conflict, the creation process itself is joyful and pure, as it should be for a kid making art.

Buck comes around at the end, of course, apologizing to Steven and offering to take guitar lessons. But honestly, the nicer he is to Steven, the weirder his behavior here seems, whether or not he’s a mysterious guy. The best thing I can say about Abrams/Jo character-nuke episodes is that there’s only three of them, and finishing Shirt Club, from that lens, is a huge sigh of relief. 

Future Vision!

The Good Lars not only shows Buck wearing the Guitar Dad shirt, but showing off what he’s learned! And he’ll continue to play guitar as one of Sadie Killer’s Suspects, a band that will eventually be managed by Greg himself.

I guess you could read it that way…

On the one hand, watching this after Joy Ride makes Buck’s cruelty even stranger. But on the other, getting to know him better there, and Bill better in Political Power, makes an examination of their relationship a nice coda.

Tonally, Shirt Club simply doesn’t fit where it’s intended to go. Open Book and Story for Steven at least have their dramatic moments that fit the simmering tension of post-Marble Madness Season 1, but Shirt Club’s lightness thoroughly deflates the momentum. The Gems casually building furniture makes no sense in this time period, and Pearl and Amethyst’s list of fears don’t even hint at them worrying about Homeworld.

Still, the reordering leaves us with pre-Jailbreak Garnet, which is a little confusing without context. (I certainly prioritize this minor continuity error lower than harming dramatic tension.)

Regardless of your opinions about the order shift, I’m happy to say that Shirt Club is the last of it! No more asterisks!

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Buck’s strange meanness doesn’t tank Shirt Club down to the bottom, but it does make me less inclined to rewatch what’s an otherwise wonderful episode about art. It’s a shame, but there’s still a lot to love when you get shirt!

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

Rose’s Scabbard

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Winter Forecast

On the Run

Warp Tour

Maximum Capacity

The Test

Ocean Gem

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Future Vision

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

No Thanks!

     4. Horror Club      3. Fusion Cuisine      2. House Guest      1. Island Adventure

[talesofdb-blog]

Chapter 6 - Toppo and The Pride Troopers

The days following the assault the trio rested for the first time in several years. Jiren spent his time meditating and allowing his wounds to heal and further his understanding of his untapped power. Dyspo and Tarro suffered much worse injuries, Tarro spent several weeks unable to train, but after his recovery complete and he was back on his feet he walked to the meditation room to see the radiating heat of Jiren causing the air to become thin and hard to breathe. “Jiren brother I have been itching for a fight” Jiren snapped out of his meditation “Good to see you on your feet, but I will not be fighting you today, I want to see that transformation you performed vs black, come with me” They walked together to the courtyard and stood opposite each other “TARRO. Show it to me” Tarrow bent his knees slightly, put his arms down by his side and bending his elbows so his fists were out forward, his head stooped down and he started screaming. His power level was rising at an incredible rate, the air and ground began to tremble, the jet black hair began to become more pointy and stand straighter and just as before when his scream hit its apex, the golden aura erupted around him changing his hair to a glowing golden yellow and his eyes a pure blue. Jiren walked forward and scanned him up and down “It was as I thought. Master Tenshin had a scroll relating to this form, it was referred to as a ‘Super Saiyan’ a transformation achieved by warriors of the Saiyan race.” Tarro looked confused for a moment “I have never heard of that race? What planet are they from” “The Scroll spoke of Sadala, but I couldn’t find a record anywhere relating to it” Tarro stood for a moment before releasing his energy “Is this my limit? Did this Super Saiyan form have any higher form?” Jiren let a smile curl onto his face “It described the status of Super Saiyan God” Tarro smirked, “A God? I like the sound of that”Their training schedule continued for another 3 years of intense exchanges Jiren found new ways to test the body of the young Saiyan, but no matter what he did he came back stronger, for every 2 beatdowns he got 3 close duels they were as close to equals as any team could get. Until the Pride Troopers arrived.

Jiren and Tarro were standing in the doorway staring up at the sky, Dyspo walked across the courtyard behind them and looked up inline with them “What are you guys looking at?” Jiren took a deep breath “A great combined power approaches Geomic, I suggest we get our gi’s on” and they all moved back inside. As The ship began to descend towards the ground, the 3 warriors stood on the hillside watching it land, all of them dressed in their black Gi’s with white seems, their belts were dark red and on the back was drawn ‘正義’ Which translated to ‘Justice’. Tarro stepped forward first “Let’s go greet our friends. Jiren stay silent you’re the unknown when your power is suppressed. Dyspo, should they go to strike you jump to the backlines” they slid down the mountain to where the ship had landed. The door dropped open and there stood a burly alien humanoid with tan coloured skin, his yellow eyes had dark lines under them, and a large white moustache that covers his mouth. His hands and legs were bigger and smaller than the rest of his body, respectively. He sported a red and black spandex suit. Tarro spoke up first “What brings you to our world?” The man stood towering over all 3 men “I am Toppo. The leader of the Pride Troopers, we have come here after feeling an immense unknown evil” Tarro bowed his head “The one you seek is known as Black he has not appeared in multiple years” Toppo stepped forward “Hiding this evil doer will mean we will have to use force” 2 other warriors stood behind their leader, one was a blue orge like being known as Kunshi, he was short in stature and wearing the same red and black uniform as Toppo, the other was Kahseral a humanoid in appearance, His skin was tanned and his head is shaved. Part of his face was cybernetic, including an ear, and he has a robotic eye which is red. He has a communication device attached to his other ear, with a red beret accompanying his pride trooper uniform. “We don’t fear your little team Toppo, leave this place now” Jiren started to glow red realising the incoming fight. Toppo shouted “PRIDE TROOPERS SUBDUE THE EVIL DOERS” Toppo made the first move diving forward to engage Tarro, his giant fists feeling like trains connecting with Tarro’s crossed arms thrusting him back with every hit. Dyspo played his role perfectly darting behind Kunshi the instance Toppo called for the attack, landing several critical hits on the goblin from behind, he stumbled forward and spun around “so you have speed, TRY THIS” he raised his hands and golden strings shot out of his fingers, Dyspo smirked shooting forward ducking under the attack and landing a punch to his chest, Kunshi was thrown back releasing the strings as he moved away. As the strings hit the floor a line of explosions went off consuming Dyspo. Unlike the other two Jiren and Kahseral were staring each other down, Jiren’s red aura continued to get more intense until Kahseral spoke up “So scoundrel, how do you plan on winning this my just looking ominous” Jiren allowed his energy to flare enough to draw fear onto the face of all 3 pride troopers, Kahseral stuttered “This Power… NO MATTER, IT WILL FALL TO JUSTICE” He stretched his arm out and from his hand extended a yellow energy sword, Jiren flashed back to seeing Black Stab Kumi all those years ago and snarled before diving towards him, Kahseral was falling back trying to raise his blade to get in some offence but Jiren form was perfect, each jab had a subsequent one following it not giving even the slightest chance to shift the tide of the fight, head, body, head. His offence was only paused when a strain came on his right hand, Jiren spun around to see golden ties wrapped around his wrist and Kunshi shouting “NOW KAHSERAL” The energy blade came slicing down towards Jiren who raised his hand catching the blade, Kahseral stared at his blade of justice which had hundreds of times before struck down his foes, now caught like it was a caught frisbee. Jiren threw Kahseral while dragging Kunshi towards him and then collided in the middle slumping to the ground, Jiren walked towards the 2 as they got to their feet, Kahseral spat “What sort of monster have we been faced with” There was an intense scream and everyone looked around to see Toppo flying by them and crash into the side of the pride troopers ship, as he lifted himself from the creator he had made he announced “This was the evil power we sought after” Over the brow of the hill came the golden glow “A power-driven by war, evil and pain. The Super Saiyan” Tarro was standing atop the hill “You’re strong Toppo, but you are nothing compared to my power now” The 2 men charged at each other slamming into each other and beginning their assault. It became very obvious to Toppo with the first exchanges of blows he had become outmatched against this new transformation and overhead kick sent him rocketing into the ground. While this was happening the other 2 pride troopers were facing off with Jiren whose power was also overwhelming, even with both fighting in harmony Jiren was forcing them back and eventually grabbed them both slamming their heads together and throwing them inside their ship “You are not worth my time” as he said that Toppo crashed into the ground next to him, Jiren grabbed him by the top of the head, Toppo coughed “Evil will not prevail. Your Gi’s say justice but that monsters transformation is far from it” Jiren Threw Toppo into his ship and with Tarro by his side he shouted “Leave this place Pride Troopers there is no place for you here” The ship took off and just as quickly as they arrived they were gone. Jiren turned to Tarro “They will be back and stronger, The one you fought Toppo. He seems to have a strong heart and a drive like I have never felt before” Tarro frowned “I Agree, we need to continue our training. I will be reading through Tenshin’s scroll’s to see if I can find something to further my power alongside my training” Tarro powered down a smirk on his face, Jiren powering down and smiled back “Let’s get Dyspo and we start again” Tarro looked around “Where is he?” They walked around to see Dyspo bound by the golden strings and all laughed as the freed him and headed back to the Dojo.

In the coming weeks, everyone was on edge waiting to see how the pride troopers would react to the humiliation, Jiren and Dyspo kept to their strict schedule of training while Tarro analysed the scrolls in Master Tenshin’s library, it had everything from dinner recipes to fighting forms he discovered or was taught during his adventures. Not many of the scrolls were applicable to him but he found one scrawled parchment with an idea for a technique that was mostly fleshed out but still had some floors that Tarro knew he had solutions to, he ran out immediately to start testing his new theory. It was on the 5th week they all felt the energy approaching Geomic once again, just as last time all 3 stood on the hill wearing their Gi’s and prepared for a fight. The ship remained hovering before the door swung open and 7 figures jumped out landing at the foot of the hill, all of them were different shapes and sizes but led still by the being known as Toppo. “TELL ME, EVIL DOERS. Have you prepared yourself for this battle?” From the top of the hill Tarro simply replied “Adequately” Toppo seemed to find this amusing “You honestly think the 3 of you can take all 7 of us?” Tarro took a deep breath and as he released it he attained Super Saiyan form “Are we going to fight or are you just going to keep losing this big game of king of the hill?” Toppo stepped first bellowing “THE SAIYAN IS MINE” he jumped into the air and raising his hand pointing his fingers at Tarro and shouting “Justice Flash” continuous ki blasts sprayed in his direction so Tarro rushed blocking as he did. As Tarro and Toppo began their duel, Dyspo and Jiren were faced with the other 6 Troopers “So Jiren we taking 3 each or you got this?” Jiren grunted “play support, I will take them” His aura rippled around him as he approached the guarding troops, they all took stance but within a blink of an eye one of the troops was crushed into the ground, and another was thrown into the hillside with an immense toss, golden wire shot out at Jiren to which he raised a single hand and held it back causing the wire to explode on its creator and the trooper that was next to him, they were all launched into the air and landed 100 meters away from the fight. 4 troopers were down already, only Kahseral stood alongside another humanoid of similar build with a mustache similar to that of the Toppo’s. Jiren realising this battle would not be so easy took stance, Dyspo appeared behind the other trooper kicking him in the head throwing him to one side “Lets keep this to one vs ones ay brother” Jiren didn’t react the the comment and his aura began to flare, Kahseral directed all his power to a single hand, the sword he generated glowed with an intense light that was almost blinding. Kahseral made the first move, taking a dive forward towards Jiren, he of course went to dodge the incoming attack, but was met by a strike to the shoulder from the passing blade. Sliding to opposite positions and taking stance Jiren looked him up and down and muttered “The eye.” Kahseral snarled “What was that evildoer!” Jiren frowned “Your power of perception with that robot eye will not catch me off again” Jiren slid forward and Kahseral in turn raised the blade high in the air. In a shocking turn Jiren but his hands down and forced himself into the air grabbing the blade as he passed and used it to control his movements digging it into the ground and launching a burning punch into Kahseral’s chest sending him skidding back. Kahseral coughed up some blood before clapping his hands together making 2 shorter swords and running towards Jiren and spinning as he approached only for Jiren to raise his hand and blast him back. Kahseral roared “What is this power? Where is it coming from” his muscles began to pulse, face my full power! In the blink of an eye Jiren had a blade dug into his shoulder, he stared at it for a second before his aura exploded swinging punches but somehow Kahseral’s new tapped power meant he could dodge all the incoming strikes. Jiren went to place his hand on his chest to end this fight, only to have it booted away and a kick sent Jiren flying into the hillside. As he hauled himself out of the hole only to have his gaze cast upon a shining light in the sky, the battle between Toppo and Tarro was becoming more intense. In the air Tarro began to power up “TOPPO! It is clear you have trained for today. You power is impressive. But it is nothing compared to what I have achieved in this time, are you ready?” His scream was one of agony as his body was going through another transformation “What new horror have you achieved Saiyan, well if we are going all out THEN TAKE THIS” Toppo raised both his hands gathering energy before clapping them together and shout “JUSTICE FLASH” the intense burst of ki blasts flew straight at Tarro who continued powering up just taking the hits. Tarro unleashed one final shout before being engulfed by a ball of his own energy, his power was 50 times what it was before, as the energy retracted his new form became clear. The hair was still blonde but had become slightly more spikey, the once smooth aura was now jaggedy and rough with no clear outline, electricity now zapped and crackled around him. “What do you think of this form Toppo?! at the cost of slightly more stamina, 20 times my speed and 50 times my power” Toppo dived towards him but before he could even move a foot Tarro slammed him from above, as the creator formed under Toppo, Tarro was above him firing ki blasts over and over until Toppo was no longer visible. Tarro landed next to the newly formed hole and waited, as expected Toppo crawled out coughing and covered in scratches, he looked up at his attacker and uttered “Tell me Saiyan, How do you live with yourself, committing genocide just to sell the world after. You monster” Tarro grew visibly angry “How could you accuse me of such crimes” he grabbed Toppo’s head and punched him repeatedly until he threw him to the foot of his ship. Jiren walked beside him “A shame, i hoped for more of a challenge this time, new tricks but no improvement in strength, nothing compared to us” Tarro nodded “This wasn’t even my main new power i wanted to show off” he vanished from existence and appeared behind Toppo and chopped his neck knocking him out cold. Kahseral limped towards the duo and bellowed “You will pay evil doers” He shouted into the sky “Marcarita We require your help” Tarro and Jiren stared emotionless, their golden and red aura’s respectively shimmering around them. Then the pillar of rainbow light crashed into the ground, a huge stream of incomparable energy, but oddly no readable power level came from the pillar. As quickly as the light appeared it was on and in its place stood 2 beings, Jiren remained unphased but Tarro’s power flared, his rage consuming him “ITS HIM. BELMOD THE DESTROYER”

[cnox]

Interview for Skaventhrone issue two. Copies on the way to Hollow Myths* soon!

S: You were recently featured on Never Stop the Madness - Black Metal Radio and had an impressive line-up of releases for the coming months. How has the exposure been?

C: Eve Skaventhrone, thanx much for this chance to further spin our web. Hails to NZ AC DS! We are psyched by the response from the NSTM - BM Radio Special and thankful to have been featured. This was a grand opportunity to get more airplay for our artists and tell a bit of what is to come from Hollow Myths*. We look forward to doing it again this winter.

S: A fellow conspirator has added that your release schedule for the year is quite evenly paced, what makes this different from your previous approach?

C: That may be a bit of misinformation because we will be like a bat out of hell yet again. Our upcoming releases have been stirring in the pot for some time, so we have had many moons to plot and plan. There will be unexpected surprises as we don’t tend to spell things out nor give away too much. So, please do keep watch. We have also put a new CD-R series into action in which we will be offering even more outsider music. And introducing new artists and their first works. We have a grip of sick releases in our trick bag already for this venture.

S: To talk about the name 'Hollow Myths'; A cynical person could read this as being lacking in substance, what are your feelings towards this?

C: When we say hollow, we mean a dark valley in the forest or hole in an old tree. Our workings should be considered as mythology or folklore that seeps and creeps out of the fog and cries out from the blackest of nights. We bring forth new legends and modern myths. “The Hollow Myth” is also a book I wrote long ago. We have shared some of this story and will be telling this tale over the years to come. The introduction came with the Bestiary Vol. One Compilation and Issue 1 of our zine is first in a series of character guides. Our antics are always subversive, so it should be obvious there is a hidden double meaning to our moniker, one-part existentialism and one-part absurdism.

S: Going back to releases; Your output last year was quite prolific and featured a wide gamut within the established DS scene; What do you look for in an artist?

C: Thank you for the fine words. We shall do the same this time around and then some. For us, it must be unique, sad and true. Unabashed, sinister and the synthesizer is key. We like to work with artists whom are free, patient and have a grasp on the big picture. Loyalty and trust is something we also look for in our creative working relationships.

S: Similarly, each of these releases has a very personalized approach. Is this something you find important to differentiate from other labels or distros?

C: We appreciate you taking notice and set out to do our own thing indeed. The music of our artists is so very personal, as it is to us, so we try and convey this with the presentation. The artwork, packaging and magical extras are all part of the experience we try to give. Sight, sound, smell and even touch. From the vintage cassettes, cases, paper, fabric and tie, to the natural accoutrements, candles, incense and wood - we want our releases to be something to have, hold and cherish. Nearly everything we create has been made by hand. There is art to hang on your wall, jewellery and badges to wear, talismans to take with you about your travels. In this, the music and ideas carry on with the you even when not listening but still in one’s heart and mind's eye.

S: I understand that yourself and your partner also have a project together. It's been described as a cutting of recording errors and artefacts from analog or older technologies.

C: Cristahel and I are Rowen. We make mythical electronic music and use analogue equipment. We record live with synths, drum machines, percussion as well as capture field recordings. We plug in, press record and play, do some mixing and then share these aural documents on our Plexus Station the evening of. We were lucky to have been picked up by Personnel Records, a division of the Black Metal label, Seedstock just after a couple of songs. They released our first demo “Ashen Spirit” on pro-tape and we are now composing a new album. An east coast wing of shows are in the talks for this summer and we are aiming on touring Europa this fall.

S: There seems to be a shift in the scene from those maintaining the traditional nostalgic approach to Dungeon Synth and those moving towards what could be considered a 'Ritual Ambience' in some cases with a stronger focus on minimalism and natural sounds; What are your thoughts to this?

C: We see it in three ways: originators, innovators and imitators. We lean more towards innovation. With experimentation comes inspiration and for us is the most interesting. Of course, we hail the founding fathers and tradition is to be respected. But, we want to hear something different and new. The ritual and ambient approach draws from magic which can manifest at the same time be happenstance. This is pure and exciting.

S: It certainly is, and it's great to see you're encouraging and creating a space for artists to do so.

C: We surely try.

S: In our search through the more historic artists on Hollow Myths, such as Apeiron, Depressive Silence, and Arthur, we get a feeling you've probably had an earlier connection with these composers. When did you first get involved with this area of the black metal underground, and these projects? And how did these interactions eventually lead to the creation of Hollow Myths?

C: In the 80's I was steeped in Heavy Metal music, having gone to countless stadium concerts for legendary acts such as Dio, W.A.S.P., etc., later to shows; Cro-Mags, Suicidal Tendencies, I could ramble on. In the early 90’s I went to a boarding school in the woods of New Hampshire and was cut off from T.V. and the goings on of counter culture. So, we made our own. Being up there, I sort of missed out on the first wave of Black Metal and The X-Files. In turn we took drugs, listened to a lot of Black Sabbath and N.W.O.B.H.M. and spent all our time in the trees. Though already a fan of Celtic Frost and much early Death Metal, it wasn’t until I came off that mountain and ended up back in the cities, did I discover some of what I had been missing. I was given a promo copy of the Gummo soundtrack and that crystalized things for me. Ever since then, I was hooked and dug as far as I could into the Black Metal and Dark Ambient Underground. I used to make a UG BM zine which led to many contacts with bands, labels, distros and made tons trades and orders along the way. Some mail correspondence comrades I have had for two decades now. I also had a dark electronic band and toured the world a few times which broadened my knowledge and network. One day it dawned on me to turn my passions and obsessions into my trade.

S: Dungeon Synth, and its surrounding genres, has a huge online presence through bandcamp, social media, and a large facebook group with over 3000 members, of which you're one of the admins. How has the online world affected the artists 'mystery' or even integrity, in your opinion? And is the responsibility of maintaining civility on the forums a burden at times?

C: I dislike speaking of the internet in printed zine interviews but understand this question cannot be ignored. There was rift a year or so ago that drove a wedge in the Dungeon Synth scene and I was made an admin of the main group to keep the peace as it were. And to save it from an impending doom that it is was facing as some sought to destroy the fortress wall that we had been building for so long. I have been manning it for the past couple of years and worked very hard to instill an ethic of friendship, honor and support. Drama, memes and off topic materials are not tolerated in the attempts to keep it focused and Dungeon - not a trash heap or place of trolls. I never intended to have this role, but it became a necessary evil. Our lands were being raided so, I stormed the castle and seized the kingdom for the preservation of all things DS. This being not unlike the mid-era BM scene where things got ugly, full of posers and rip-offs. But that’s another story. DS is now an entity of its own and I try to promote an atmosphere that is welcoming, and nurturing opposed to jaded sorts dictating how other artists and musicians should create. We are grateful to have a tight knit cast of active members with new folks everyday - things seem to carry on without any trouble. Any problems are just simply removed without much thought - forward march. As far as artists wanting to be anonymous, to each their own, I don’t see the need to hide.  

S: As a collector, I'm sure you have many boxes of rarities hidden away from the public eye, what are some of your most prized and cherished?

C: This is true. Some things, I just don’t share and like to keep very close. All my collection is prized. I don’t do filler or bad condition. I obsess over the most obscure and often the overlooked and discarded. Not as much rare and pricey, rather merely special to me. Some of my favourites are looked down upon by most so, I won’t bother mentioning them here. I’m a stickler for collectability and keep it all mint. From limited 7”’s to etched and coloured LP’s, cult Cassettes to OOP CD’s. I also collect shirts, patches, badges, zines and have an extensive VHS library - mostly horror and sleaze. I am constantly buying, selling and trading. Out with the old in with the new. I only hold onto things I listen to, read, wear and watch over and over.

S: You mentioned a possible Europe tour, are there any particular destinations you're hoping to visit? Any artists you are planning to perform alongside?

C: We want to get back to Germany, then go to places we have yet to; the Scandinavian countries, all Eastern Europe and of course, New Zealand and Australia. We will play anywhere and everywhere though we will focus on night clubs, art galleries and uncommon venues. We also plan to do DJ sets, show our artwork, clothing line and spread our wings as Hollow Myths*.  We hope to perform alongside old and new friends and intend to drag out some of our artists for these occasions.

S: We thank you for your time, and we're looking forward to the upcoming releases! Any parting words for our readers?

C: Art, music, nature, magic. Don't take any wooden nickels, don't play second fiddle, and don't roll over and play dead for anybody. Walk the endless corridor and shatter the Hollow Myth.

Thanx yet again. Dehails!  - Canrith Knox of Rowen from Hollow Myths*

[tgaoe]

Andy’s 2017 Television Report

I love watching good TV. I still feel there’s a stigma associated with watching as much as I do, but I’m trying to own it. I love TV. I would much rather watch an old West Wing ep than go on a hike or do basically anything outdoorsy. So there that is. And here is an exhaustive list of everything I watched this year.

Not Enough Time and/or Motivation to Watch/Finish Ranked by Level of Intention to Watch/Finish

10. The Vietnam War 9. Godless 8. The Young Pope S1 7. The Handmaid’s Tale S1 6. Search Party S2 5. Rick & Morty S3 4. Halt and Catch Fire S4 3. You’re the Worst S4 2. Better Things S2 1. Broad City S4

Disappointing/Bad The Americans S5 Starts strong, has some nice character development, but the main story was inconsequential and frustrating, as were several side stories.

Preacher S2 Has cool moments and I still love the three leads, but the main plot left me cold. Not even close to as good as the debut season.

Sherlock S4 Stupid and infuriating.

Seasons I Liked, Ranked by Favoritism 32 Curb Your Enthusiasm S8 Same old show, wearing a little thin but still enjoyable.

31 I Love Dick Obtuse, intentionally discomfiting, wonderfully acted; Kathryn Hahn is a goddess.

30 Stranger Things S2 A fun time and not much more, which is fine.

29 Veep S6 Somehow exactly the same cruel, cynical show despite a somewhat significant premise shift.

28 Silicon Valley S4 More of the same. Not sure how much longer this show can sustain the whole “awkward tech bros overcoming impossible odds” premise. Hoping for some risks next season.

27 Vice Principals S2 A hilarious, surprisingly emotional comedy that will always be stuck in the shadow of its predecessor.

26 Love S2 Rock solid cast, writing with a nice balance of comedy, drama, and romance.

25 Bojack Horseman S4 I like this show less than everyone else who likes it, feels like. Still, no other televised depiction of depression rings truer, and remains funny without making light of serious mental illness.

24 Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp Manic, inspired inanity.

23 Brooklyn Nine Nine S4/S5 Comfort food. Love everyone on the show. Every episode is the same and always will be and who cares.

22 Legion S1 In a year that hadn’t also included Twin Peaks: the Return, this would have ranked much higher for its crazy formalist experimentation, dazzling visual style, and sustained weirdness. Wish it had been more character-focused, and I hated the coda. Almost dreading season two.

21 Easy S2 Warm, human, real. Love the whole notion of a serialized anthology.

20 GLOW S1 Spending time with these characters just feels great, even when they’re behaving awfully. It’s the kind of show the predictability of which is a positive.

19 Big Little Lies S1 Reese Witherspoon projectile vomits pure green goop in this show. It rules.

18 Crashing S1 You love Pete or you don’t. I love him, have for years. The show is just more Pete.

17 The Good Place S1/S2 Quite possibly the most imaginative, innovate half-hour sitcom of all time; inspires equal investment in the characters and the ever-expanding mythology and mysteries, which is quite a feat.

16 Top of the Lake: China Girl Full review.

15 Fargo S3 By far the weakest season of the show, yet still one of the year’s best. Willfully disgusting and perhaps a bit too writerly, the last few episodes redeem some early rambling and formlessness. Ewan McGregor was not great in his role(s), and Carrie Coon’s performance was done a disservice by her appearing here and in The Leftovers simultaneously. But Mary Elizabeth Winstead and David Thewlis kill.

14 Ozark S1 Every 2-3 episodes contain enough plot for a full season of most other shows. It is wild. Characters at once inhabit archetypes and subvert them. I love how the main means of circumventing trouble is simply telling the truth.

13 One Mississippi S2 The best pure romance story on TV this year.

12 Future Man S1 Starts rough, slowly gets great. Consummately derivative sci-fi comedy. Couldn’t love it more.

11 Mindhunter S1 Spent most of the season deciding whether Jonathan Groff is terrible or magnificent here. Landed on magnificent, for the way he oscillates between ego states in response to story turns, negotiating his perceptions of both the concept of deviance and his sense of his own masculinity.

10 Dear White People S1 The number of characters this show balances is a miracle, and how it engenders empathy for all parties while maintaining its slick, ultracool visual style and exploring sensitive themes with the utmost nuance.

9 Mr. Robot S3 A vast improvement after the letdown of season two. Takes some weird risks that attempt retrofit current events into the show’s 2015 setting, and while not all of them work, the ones that do pay off massively. Plot mechanics are secondary to atmosphere, character, and theme. The cast is great as ever, and this year Bobby Cannavale joins the fray, which is never a bad idea.

8 Insecure S2 Continues to use top-notch production values and writing to explore lifestyles and perspectives previously ghettoized on TV, relegated to peripheral channels and the lowest of low budgets. Issa Rae’s performance is reliably loveable despite her character’s constant questionable decisions, but Yvonne Orji truly makes the show. Somebody cast her and Tiffany Haddish in something together asap.

7 Better Call Saul S3 Slow, methodical, pulpy, consistent. Another solid season of intricate, character-driven puzzle-piece storytelling.

6 American Vandal S1 The funniest entertainment of any type I consumed all year, and surprisingly thematically resonant as it progresses toward its conclusion.

5 Master of None S2 As funny, romantic, and charming as its creator. Tackles some surprisingly heavy subjects, has gained significant poignancy after cultural shifts that came later in the year.

4 The Deuce S1 An even seedier iteration of David Simon’s expansive storytelling style than The Wire, the period details of this show are casually perfect; unshowy and lived in. The Deuce convinced me that James Franco is one of our greatest living actors, on the level of someone like De Niro in his prime. Franco plays twins, and though they look and sound exactly alike, his slightly varied physicality always makes it clear who each is.

3 The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel S1 Such fun. A romantically stylized 1950s New York period piece starring a woman who should be, and might yet become, our biggest movie star. Nicely balances light comedy and light drama. Watching feels like cuddling up in a warm blanket.

2 Twin Peaks: the Return Mystifying, hilarious, infuriating, horrifying, wonderful.

1 The Leftovers S3 Not just the best season of television this year, but one of the greatest of all time. I have never been more satisfied by a finale. I refuse to write more lest I spoil anything. If you have not watched this show, watch it. The first season is flawed and difficult. The second is perfect, and so is the third. If this show’s premise even remotely appeals to you, watch it.

Favorite Episodes 12 “Amber Waves” The Americans S5E1 Bold start to an ultimately weak season. Features a ten-minute sequence during which a group of characters silently and methodically dig a hole, and somehow it is almost impossibly dramatic and exciting to watch. Here’s hoping the show picks up again for its final season next year.

11 “Chicanery” Better Call Saul S3E5 A courtroom episode rife with familial drama and series history exploited to maximum effect.

10 “Prodigal Daughter” Easy S2E6 A small, deeply humanist story of a high school girl discovering what she values, and how she wants to manifest those values. Lovely.

9 “Chapter V” Dear White People S1E5 Builds tension to a fever pitch using dialogue, editing, and camera techniques  downright orchestral. Directed by Barry Jenkins, of Moonlight fame.

8 “Part 8” Twin Peaks: the Return Several professional writers called this David’s Lynch’s Tree of Life, and I can’t describe it more succinctly than that. Lynch traces the origin of evil in his universe in a way no person who ever lived would except him.

7 “Who Rules the Land of Denial?” Fargo S3E8 For the bowling alley scene alone.

6 “eps3.4_runtime-err0r.r00” Mr. Robot S3E5 A bravura, (faked) single-take episode that brilliantly uses transit time to build tension.

5 “eps3.7_dont-delete-me.ko” Mr. Robot S3E8 The opposite of bravura; Elliot walks around with a young boy for most of the episode, and it is even more kinetic and exciting than the one with the single take.

4 “Amarsi Un Po'”/“Buona Notte” Master of None S2E9/E10 Heartbreaking. Aziz Ansari’s tribute to the Before Trilogy, and, let’s be honest, the Elevator arc from Louie, is brutal in its exposure of emotional truth. The chemistry between the leads makes the whole thing work.

3 “Part 18” Twin Peaks: the Return The finale. Mystifying, infuriating, horrifying, wonderful. Decidedly not hilarious.

2 “Thanksgiving” Master of None S2E8 A deeply-moving short film exposing a type of hardship so specific that I’d never seen it depicted before. The ways Ansari marks the passage of time throughout this story… just astounding.

1 “The Book of Nora” The Leftovers S3E8 Perfect. There is a monologue here with more story and gravitas than entire seasons of other shows, great ones. Watch The Leftovers.

[midwesternmoron]

Temporary jobs: Good for America?

Try a Google search for temp jobs and see posts from US NEWS, FORBES, and others discussing the hidden value of temporary labor.

Then try searching for "Why temp jobs suck" and you'll find some hardcore posts from Americans that, well, to put it mildly, do not see value in temporary work. I thought I would start with a homogenous title for this post. Perhaps my little post will journey its way in between all of those dry articles about how Americans are better off with temporary work. After working for 3 different temporary agencies here is my review of what you can expect should you venture into temporary work.

You'll live in fear.

Sounds ominous, doesn't it. Woo, live in fear. Hold on just a second. Do you live paycheck to paycheck, or have a strict payment schedule with little flexibility, or perhaps family members you are supporting? Temporary work comes with an  "out" for every employer. If an employer finds that a temp is objectionable in any way, employers can simply contact the temp agency and advise them that services provided by the temp are, "no longer required."  Your job is now "up in smoke" with little if any notice given.

Working as a temp, you'll be anxious while leveraging your great work ethic. You may ask yourself, "Good fortune has always come to those who work hard, hasn't it?" 

You'll be awaiting some positive feedback from management; some sign that they would be better off having you around. Unfortunately, if you are looking for a smile or a pat on the back after bringing your best: Nah, your agency will get credit for your winning performance.

Low wages, no raises.

$12 bucks per hour regardless of experience. Regardless. Do you remember that internship you bled out over in College? That independent study you busted your butt over? How about that work project that made you stand out to a previous employer? All those weekend study hours you put in as your classmates went for a social gathering just to reach your personal goals? How about that small business you started from the ground up? Perhaps during a previous job, you made a sale that no one else could? Most of us have some fantastic highlights in our work history.

Newsflash folks! It is a zero-sum-game if you end up with a temporary job. I can't stress this point enough. Your greatest asset to a good employer, your previous experience, adds up to a "hill of beans."Your previous experience counts for 0, nada, nothing. You will not be paid for your previous experience. Your pay will not reflect what previously made you shine as an employee. I have yet to talk to anyone who received a raise as a temp. If you have received a raise as a temp, please write in and tell us about how you achieved that!

Your skill set will rot.

The longer you are a temp, the quicker your other skills "rot on the vine."  Moreover, the longer you remain at the same temp assignment, the farther away you move from the pure knowledge, logic, and critical reasoning skills you acquired as a student. If you didn't go to college, chances are you have picked up some valuable skills in the workforce.   The skill set that made you a great employee will be lost in fruitless keystrokes, fielding customer inquiry, or pushing products that generally remain the same for years. No intellectual creativity, stimulation or expansion beyond repetitive and hauntingly similar workday tasks.

No benefits.

Some temp agencies may be selling benefits. In most cases, you'll not receive benefits from a business your assigned to. If your paying for any benefits provided by the temp agency while being paid $12 bucks and hour, you'll start wondering about affording your co-pay with what's left of your paycheck. Thanks to current health care laws, you are basically forced to maintain coverage or you'll pay a fee. Some have tried their local state health insurance program for underemployed workers. Benefits may be available to temps through medicare. Hmm, doubtful if medicare offers preventative health care coverage.

You'll be treated like a second class passenger.

The call center or assembly workplace environment won't be a pleasant place to work. Enjoy the many different office personalities, grievances, egos, and dramas that always come with lots of people in one place. Some social stratification will be an unwelcome experience as you start from the bottom. Working with company supervisors, temps that have already been hired, or just those that have been assigned to the workplace longer than you,  in some Darwinian hierarchical nonsense, you'll be last to take your lunch.

You'll be lied to.

Temp Agencies use 3 categories when acquiring new help. Temp, temp to hire, and permanent placement.  When I was offered my current placement,  I was enthusiastically told I would be a temp-to-hire. "This is a growing company," they will bring you on if you have a good work record after 4 months". 7 months later, no job. If you are a temp to hire, you might not get an invitation. In fact, after 6 months, the company I recently worked for posted a full-time job opening for the public that I had been brought in for. Out of dozens of temps who were already working in the same role none were hired. The job posting remained open for weeks.

Hurl a piece of meat into a pit and watch the hungry dogs fight for it.

No one was actually moved into a full-time job. In over 7 months since I was assigned as a temp, no one was hired. After 9 months on another assignment, only 2 temps were hired out of dozens of temps working beyond the 4-month temp-to-hire promise. Those that were hired were cherry-picked and not first in line. Nor were the temp-hirees particularly on-the-job strong performers. Who knows, some obtuse metric the company used determined their eligibility for hire.

You'll be told by some conventional wisdom that being a temp is your fault and your responsibility.

I don't know a temporary employee that is irresponsible. Most temps I worked with are doing what they have to do to make sure the people they love and support have the necessities of life. Many temps work two jobs, as the pay for one temp position is unsustainable.

If you are reading this and are of working age, I challenge you to hold your head up, if you are like most working American citizens, pay taxes and obey our laws, you ARE ENTITLED to a decent job at a substantial wage in order to support yourself or your family.

My dad fought in WWII. He and many of his contemporaries fought and died for this simple dignity and common sense ethic when it comes to liberty in America. Our soldiers have already fought and died for Americans to live a better life. There is no authority that can tell you this basic entitlement is not yours if you are willing to work and you abide by our laws. You are entitled to be paid a sustainable wage for your labor.

If you are reading this and are of working age, I challenge you to hold your head up, if you are like most working American citizens, pay taxes and obey our laws, you ARE ENTITLED to a decent job at a substantial wage in order to support yourself or your family. My dad fought in WWII. He and many of his contemporaries fought and died for this simple dignity and common sense ethic. Our soldiers have already fought and died for Americans to live a better life. There is no authority that can tell you this basic entitlement is not yours if you are willing to work and you abide by our laws. You are entitled to be paid a sustainable wage for your labor.

If you have conventional expenses and debts, you'll work two jobs.

Unless you have a second source of income such as child support, alimony, or your family helps out with expenses, you'll be picking up a second job to make ends meet. $1700 per month will give you a choice of living in a tent or a teepee depending on your taste and sense of style. Temp work is extremely difficult to get out of once your in it.

I work in a call center and drive for UBER at night, about 12-16 hours of work between both jobs per day, 6 days per week. I generate an income I feel is just appropriate for myself and my daughter. I would like to be at home as much as possible to cook meals and help my daughter with homework. To meet this goal, I thought I would build a home based travel business. In a nutshell, I have been working on it since 2014. I have very little time to reach my goals. I am lucky to have enough energy to get dinner on the table and clean up.

Workplace management is miserable.

Temp jobs are demanding. After all, nobody really desires to do temp work. That's one reason why companies need temps. Most likely, the job assignment sucks. It's hard labor, busy work, or it's mind numbingly repetitive. My supervisors are good people who have an impossible task. I like to think of them as underpaid teachers in a really bad school system. It just sucks so bad, they want to give up, but they're strapped for cash too. It's a trap. They must focus on those already employed. After all, most temps eventually leave. Never expect too much support from these folks....see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

Temp agencies are making a big splash on the stock market.

Can you shift perspective and see how each aspect of temporary work might profit big business? As a business owner, If labor is my largest expense, I want it cheap and in large supply. If I can achieve lower costs, mitigate risk by not paying for benefits, and maintain a task oriented workforce by instantly weeding out undesirables, isn't that worth outsourcing part of my labor force to temp agencies?

The problem is this: Most executives cannot identify with the standard of living endured by you and your family when working for low wages with no benefits. Currently, no collective action is being taken by workers, on behalf of all American workers since the word "Union" was made to sound dirty. Most importantly there are no executive decision makers in the working class. Those involved in setting standards for American labor have nothing in common with people who work for a paycheck.  There is no ethics in it.

-midwesternmoron

[omegasquire]

Rose Gold: Ch 10

Vincent was balanced precariously on a ledge, watching the three men make their way through the forest. Death trailed after them, the corpses of monsters littering the ground like discarded toys. The men reminded him of undisciplined children rather than adults. They were a lost lot, devoid of any guidance on what was right or wrong. Still, he had no idea what their intention was beyond this mayhem.

Was there a need to have an intention that exceeded pure destruction for those who didn’t know any better?

His eyes narrowed slightly as the largest of the three carelessly tossed a monster aside. These three had no care for their surroundings. Taking in the ruined landscape, it was clear they didn’t bother to exercise restraint. They had yet to draw near the villages, but Vincent knew they would slaughter the people there.

That heartless way of fighting reminded him of the fight three years ago. Strife didn’t express any care for the lives of others. He eliminated all who stood in his path.

Pausing in thought, Vincent studied the men’s appearances. He had noted their pale blond hair and green eyes, but hadn’t made the immediate connection. Though they looked different from each other, these two common features were reminiscent of Jenova’s son.

Vincent was set on edge. He couldn’t allow the three men to make it to any of the villages.

He couldn’t jump straight into battle, however. He would be fighting against three simultaneously, without proper evaluation on what they were truly capable of.

Mentally cursing, he kept himself hidden. Sephiroth and the others would need to know of this.

Rufus lifted his head at the knock on his office’s doors. He’d invited Sephiroth and his merry band to his office to properly greet them. Likewise, he was rather curious to see  Cloud  in person. A simple feed from Reeve’s pet didn’t match up to the real thing.

Rufus set down his pen as the doors were opened. His gaze passed over his guests, passively noting he had a small audience of two: Sephiroth and Cloud. Apparently the others didn’t want to meet him.

Fine by him.

Looking at Cloud was like seeing a haunting ghost, reminding of old evils. The image of a younger man sporting the blood of his victims superimposed itself on the man standing across on the other side of his desk.

“His name is Cloud Strife. I’m nominating him for First Class.”

Those were the words Sephiroth said years ago. They had come as a surprise when he first heard it. Sephiroth’s opinion always garnered attention, especially since he rarely gave it. As their most prized fighter in the global ring, to nominate a fellow SOLDIER was worth some consideration. Who could say no to the possibility of gaining another valuable asset?

However, it had slipped Rufus’ mind with the incident of Nibelheim, as well as AVALANCHE’s increased activity. The rebel group had been under a different leader then, some girl who was easy to manipulate with the assistance of her overly trusted subordinates. Truly, it was a game, and Rufus couldn’t be bothered with remembering every little thing as he worked to secure the loyalty of the other cabinet members of his father's company, as well as its faithful watchdogs, the Turks.

The turnabout was fruitful, and even now, he held in his palm a considerable amount of power that his father couldn’t have hoped to retain even if he had survived.

What a pathetic way to go. Like a pig on a stick.

Rufus had been ambivalent when he learned of the previous President’s death. He supposed he should’ve grieved more, but his father was an obstacle to his succession, and the path had finally been freed on account of the would-be First Class SOLDIER cutting him down.

The satisfaction and glee must have been high when Strife committed the deed. Rufus didn’t know, and he hadn’t cared enough to ask, but the question teased the far corner of his mind now that he was facing this copy.

No, not a copy.

He saw the difference in age, the worn garb of an old warrior, the lingering flame of conviction -- all signs of a veteran that Strife never showed. Strife still had the air of a boy. If he had to say, Rufus would liken Cloud to Sephiroth.

It was intriguing to see the two of them standing by each other, each armed. He didn't think Sephiroth would let Cloud be in possession of a weapon, but he didn't know every little thought the General had running through his head. So long as Cloud didn’t raise hell on his company or try to kill him, he wasn’t going to dwell on it.

Entertaining a smile, he shifted his attention on Sephiroth. “I read the report on Junon. It’s fortunate the harbor survived the attack. Reeve has warned me there might be a reoccurrence here, so I’ve dispersed a defense as a precaution.”

“Good. A set of fighters should remain here as well.”

“Because of internal or external threats?” He glanced at Cloud.

“External,” Cloud was quick to respond, his voice clipped.

The verbal bite earned a slight lift of Rufus’ brow. The lack of reverence was unexpected. Apparently his counterpart wasn’t a fond acquaintance of Cloud. It was a pity, but Rufus supposed he couldn’t have everything handed to him.

“Jenova the Calamity. Over two thousand years of being a thorn in our side, and still she won’t go away.”

“You and your company brought her out when you should’ve left her sealed.”

Rufus shrugged and turned his chair, looking at the scenery beyond them. His office overlooked a great portion of Midgar. Pieces of the city had been demolished while the rest stood on fragile stilts. The reconstruction was a long, arduous project. They had to cordon off sections that radiated unfiltered mako. Those unable to withstand the high concentration easily grew ill, some even mutating as their cells rejected the substance. It was difficult to get anything done when the workers kept being hospitalized.

“Perhaps. We were unknowledgeable that the salvation we sought wasn’t in her blood. However, our research helped the people live fruitful lives. It just happened to be at a regrettably high price.”

“You almost destroyed the world.”

He turned back around. “Wouldn't that be you? The other you.”

Cloud’s eyes narrowed.

Rufus pushed out of his chair, fingers curling over the crown of his cane as he came around the other side of his desk. The sound of the cane clicking against tiled floor accented his approach until he stood before Cloud. It amused him how different this man was from the young Second Class SOLDIER he was familiar with.

He preferred Cloud instead of Strife.

He smiled. “You’ll be fighting for us just as, I’ve heard, you did in your reality. I hope you’ll indulge me with a story of your victories.”

“It's late,” Sephiroth interjected.

Rufus’s eyes slid to him. “Ah, yes, you’re right. Maybe another time, then.” He returned his attention back to Cloud. “Rooms have been made available if you’d like to use them. You’ll have to excuse me if I limit your access; there are parts of the building that are still unsafe.”

He watched as they left, finally acknowledging Tseng who had been lingering in the background. The Turks leader approached, stopping before him. Rufus nodded at the doors of his office. “As I said, interesting.”

Tseng followed his line of sight. “Should I set guards?”

“No. We’ll leave Sephiroth to take care of that.” He gave Tseng an expectant look. “Well?”

“There hasn’t been any further attack on Junon since the General left, and nothing has happened here since their arrival, but it's too early to say we're safe.”

“And the rest?” The Turks’ network was spread across the continent.

Tseng shook his head. “Nothing. The other cities haven’t been attacked either.”

Rufus made a soft, thoughtful sound. “Let’s hope nothing happens through the night. Rest, Tseng. I’ll need you later.”

“Yes, sir.”

Being with Rufus never settled well with Cloud. The last time he spoke with him was in his own world, and even though they fought on the same side, Rufus still demonstrated he had his own objectives that deviated from saving the planet. They both had wanted to defeat Kadaj, but Cloud wouldn’t go so far as to call him an ally.

He was too selfish.

Turning away from Rufus’ office, Cloud found himself caught by Sephiroth's stare. It was arresting how Sephiroth always looked at him, even if he was regarded with contempt and suspicion. Sephiroth had always commanded attention back in Cloud’s world. All those of lower rank than him raised him on a pedestal, even strangers who knew him only by name.

Cloud called to mind his own emotions when he’d first heard of the man. He was just a child, brash and inspired by someone who was powerful and respected. Sephiroth was every boy’s idol, his every dream. Cloud wanted to be like him. He wanted to be that hero. The end of the war took that chance away, but he still aspired to become someone worth recognition.

In a way, Sephiroth was part of his ‘everything,’ and when he burned down his home, Cloud’s respect and adoration for the man died.

Cloud questioned why his counterpart had taken Sephiroth’s role in this world. Who exactly was he? Why did he defect? And what of Sephiroth and his involvement? Did he join AVALANCHE as Cloud had? Was he their leader?

There was too much to think about and not enough sleep to go on. Zack had said it was over a day that he’d been in this world, and now it was creeping up on two.

When was the last time he rested?

He was too exhausted to count the number of days that had passed since the day he knew what a proper night’s sleep and respite was like. Pulling his gaze away, Cloud headed for Zack who was waiting for him. Before he and Sephiroth had gone into Rufus’ office, Zack had jumped at the chance to room together for the night.

No one got a word in otherwise, and Sephiroth didn’t voice any objection. With the decision made, the rest of the group scattered.

Cloud was grateful for Zack’s offer. This building held many memories for him: his teenage years as an infantryman, meeting Zack and Sephiroth, infiltrating with AVALANCHE to save Aerith, meeting Red, seeing Jenova’s disfigured body in the Science Research Department’s main laboratory, and being haunted by Sephiroth’s ghost...

There was a mix of good and bad memories, but the bad ones heavily outweighed the good.

It calmed Cloud’s nerves a little to be near Zack. He didn’t want to be alone in this place. He didn’t want to spend time isolated in a tiny room by himself anymore.

Zack raised a hand and gestured for Cloud to join him. “We don’t really use them anymore, but Sephiroth and I still have living quarters here. Ever since we started traveling, we grew accustomed to sleeping at inns or in the Highwind. Coming back to Shinra was always a bit awkward, especially for the others. They always refuse Rufus’ invitation.”

Cloud knew the feeling. “I would, too.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame them. Shinra’s done a lot to warrant their hate, so they go to the Sectors or Edge instead.”

Cloud’s mouth twitched into a small frown. The mention of Edge brought Tifa, Marlene, and Denzel to mind. Thinking of them, of leaving them behind, jabbed at his heart.

Could he go back to them? Were they safe?

“Tifa...” he started out uncertainly, “is she part of your group?”

Zack nodded. “Yeah. She mostly stays at Edge these days, but she was with us when we fought Strife.”

“What is she doing now?”

Zack tilted his head to look at him out of the corner of his eye. “She runs 7th Heaven and takes care of Marlene.”

Just Marlene?

The image of Denzel’s pale face was still crystal clear in Cloud’s mind. The boy had been introverted. It had taken a while for him to open up, still shaken by losing his family. Cloud saw a bit of himself in the boy, and the curse of the Geostigma wrecking his body drove Cloud to search for a cure.

He still didn’t know what had become of his world, of his comrades and family. They weren’t related by blood or marriage, but he, Tifa, and Denzel had a strong bond. Marlene had a strong impact on their family as well, her presence greatly influencing Denzel’s decision to open his heart to them.

“Is there a boy named Denzel with them?”

Zack shook his head.

Denzel wasn’t with Tifa. That could mean anything. Maybe Denzel’s family had survived and he was with them; maybe they had died and Denzel was still wandering the ruins of Midgar on his own; maybe he didn’t exist in the first place; or maybe he was dead...

Cloud’s heart sank.

“Is he important? Denzel, I mean.” Zack looked at him curiously.

Cloud responded by shifting his gaze away. “He was a boy we took in. He lost his family when Midgar was destroyed. I found him by Aerith’s church.”

“We?”

“...Tifa and me. She insisted we look after him, and gave him a room with Marlene above the bar.” Across from their room was his room, and next to it was Tifa’s. That was their home.

Until he left.

“Tifa takes care of Marlene when Barret’s away. They live above 7th Heaven.” Zack raked a hand through his hair and groaned. “About Tifa... You probably saw this coming, but she won’t like you.”

“I did...” The likelihood Tifa would accept him from the get-go was nil. She would be one more person who would turn their back on him. Barret and Vincent, wherever they were, would likely be the same.

Zack placed a hand on his shoulder and gave a light squeeze. “We’ll work on it. Everyone will come around, you’ll see.” He smiled warmly. “But that’s for later. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. How about we call it a night?”

Cloud nodded. He let Zack wave him into his quarters. It was a rare privilege to enter a First’s living space. Seconds and Thirds didn’t have the same luxuries as Firsts, and those who weren’t in SOLDIER were stuck in barracks. Cloud had slept in a bunker bed along with other boys and young men who had traveled to Midgar to become part of Shinra’s army.

Thinking back on it, Cloud had felt a little awkward when he was given his own room and bed. Camping out and the occasional inn had become the norm over the years; the idea of having a place to call his own had boggled his mind.

He didn’t even stay there that long.

He ended up at the church with a sleeping bag and basic camping supplies. It was lonely sometimes without the sounds of Marlene and Denzel wandering up and down the steps, or the chatter drifting up from the bar below.

But he didn’t return.

Maybe he couldn’t return at all...

Cloud wordlessly took in Zack’s home. Even though Zack said he didn’t use it much, there were still homey touches that made it more than just a place to sleep at night. Picture frames stood on a shelf; oil and rag for sword cleaning was on the table; even a bundle of flowers was hanging upside down on the far wall. Cloud recognized them as the kind Aerith grew.

Following Zack to the spare bedroom, Cloud stood just outside it. That awkwardness came back as he stared at the bed. This was someone’s home. Not an inn, not camping out in the church or wilderness, a  home .

“Cloud, is that you?”

“Cloud’s back? Cloud!”

A hand clapped his shoulder. “All yours! Just call if you need anything. Goodnight, Cloud!”

Cloud hid a flinch. “Goodnight...”

He waited until Zack left before finally entering the room and closing the door behind him. He unstrapped his sword and leaned it against the wall by the bed. Unbuckling the straps of his gear came next, his hands going through the motions automatically.

For the most part he remained clothed, too uncomfortable with stripping down completely despite being in Zack’s company. Sitting on the bed’s edge, it hardly felt like anyone had slept on it, the mattress not yet softened by constant use. Still, compared to the hard floorboards of the church, the bed was too luxurious.

Inwardly sighing at himself, Cloud slipped out of his boots and set them aside. He tugged at his gloves, suddenly reminded of the gash across the left palm. Carefully removing the glove, he stared at his hand, turning it over. He still didn’t understand the ring’s significance, but he had to admit its simple elegance was appealing.

Placing his gloves on the nightstand, Cloud stretched out on the sheets. The heaviness of fatigue was already dragging him to sleep, and his eyes slowly closed. The light pressure on his fourth finger lingered in the corner of his mind.

Didn’t the fourth finger signify marriage...?