#its just.... plastic passion. cause its FAKE YOU GUYS !

[ralseinumberonebiggestsupporter]

plastic passion is a hard to handle

[pumpkinsy0]

because its spooky season, gimme some halloween things please and thank you.

got u dawg💯🤺

fall hcs

•curly messes w pony while hes trying to rake the leaves

•they channel their inner white christian girl autumn aesthetic

• they like stepping on the crunchy leaves and will PERSONALLY push the other out the way in order to step on one

•its now a competition

•they’ve scrapped each others knees over it, someone pls stop them-

•sometimes the leaves fall into each others hair, and they just laugh over it

•once pony fell asleep under a tree that was absolutely RAINING w leaves, and it was just all over pony and curly said he looked like a badly hidden dead body

•im sorry but they dont like anything pumpkin spice flavored

halloween hcs

•curlys a boss at carving pumpkins

•a lil too skilled in fact, its a tad but concerning

•curly sometimes steals those entire bowls of candy ppl leave out

•curly also scared a kid out of their candy </3333

•also curly was very specific about the decorations- CURLYS JUST RLLY PASSIONATE ABOUT HALLOWEEN OK??

•pony the guy to not rlly try w his costumes

•he just puts a sheet w 2 holes for eyes over him n goes “this is my costume”

•but w a bf like curly he has to ACTUALLY try now🙄, so this year hes like a fucking witch or something

•curly would choose a outfit that has like a fake weapon so he would b like edward scissorhands or ghostface or something (which btw, he looks so good in that scream costume???like????but i digress)

•curly pretend stabs pony w a plastic knife from his costume a lot

thanksgiving

•they literally just use this holiday as an excuse to eat LMFAOOO

•they honestly dont do a lot for thanksgiving bc their just w their family

•but like after thanksgiving sometimes they bring each other leftovers, cause they refuse to spend the next month eating the same thing again and again

[awesomeshadowedninja]

The Sacrifice of a Hero (All Might x reader)

Hi guys, umm, I’ve really been engrossed and into my hero academy lately and OMG!! I love all of it! The character development is ON! It makes me cry and happy and excited and entertained and proud all at the same time. Never thought I would love another anime as much as Naruto (Og, RIP) But gawddd. Okay sorry, ignore this I’m just rambling about it now. 

Warnings: None.

Contents - All Might is still in love with you after 15 years and he still misses you. And yeh, I can’t describe it. Continue to read if you want. Okay baiii

All Might. The Symbol of Peace. The Pillar. The Number One Hero. That’s what everyone called him, acknowledged him for and it brought him pride and honour with a never ending smile. Everyone knew how strong and confident he was. The hero that saved everyone. The good hero who puts everyone else first. The hero that sacrificed himself till the end.

And in one day, one moment. It was all gone. 

He was nothing but the remnants of a past. The leftovers. He was now the ‘use to be’ hero. All Might needed to be protected because his body was weak and frail. Scrawny and bony. There was nothing left but the shadow of a true and powerful person. He was just, Toshinori Yagi.

But even then, in those insecurities, those dark moments and thoughts. It couldn’t compare to the regret and guilt of a life so far from what he’s walked. He could have been completely different. A normal man with a normal life, a normal goal that left him to rely on others for his safety and security. 

No, I cannot dwell on the past. The retired hero thought to himself as the sign of class of 1.A came into view. Sluggishly he opened the door and entered with a large smile, hiding away the doubts that he had a second ago. For the sake of these kids, these promising children, I will continue to smile. Of course they greeted him with a lot of enthusiasm, some more than others - Izuku Mirdoriya, who smiled at him adoringly. Today he decided to talk about the heavy side of becoming a hero. The sacrifice it took.

“As you all know, becoming the number hero that all of you students have the potential to be. Being number one has its faults.” The male’s blue irises scanned the room of all their wide eyed faces, even young Bakugo was paying attention to what he was saying. “Or no matter what hero you decide to be, there are consequences to this duty.” Staring directly at his successor, Toshinori felt a little bit of pity but continued to speak. “Now do any of you have ideas of what someone might have to sacrifice?” To his prediction, Lida was first to put his hand up and boom across the classroom to have permission to speak in which he granted.

“Time, All Might-sensei. We sacrifice time for training and becoming greater than the day before.” The blonde haired blue eyed teacher felt pride at the words and he nodded in acknowledgement but continued to listen to what the other’s had to say. Young Uraraka mentioned food, which made him laugh. Kirishima mentioned having passion for other things and manliness. So forth and so forth. This exercise was to cause the teens to realise the world they could be missing if they chose the road of a saviour, a protector. Wanted them to understand that not everything wasn’t bright and bushy. Wanted them to realise that the road of a warrior was challenging and difficult. But Izuku Midoriya, when he put his hand up, surprised All Might so much that it left him stunned.

“What did you have to sacrifice?” 

All Might, the great symbol of peace. The number one hero that brought ease to people’s minds as they slept soundlessly at night. Had to finally admit the truth. What did I have to sacrifice?  The question kept him up at night as he tried to sleep. He knew all too well of the answer. In fact, the answer to his question was as simple but as complicated as the word, life. 

He felt the intrigued gazes of his students, waiting for a reply, an answer. He assumed that they were expecting something goofy and stupid, perhaps a joke. But the truth is harsh and it hurts. Still pained him to this day. Out of everything, his ultimate sacrifice was…

“Love.” Toshinori didn’t expect the young students to understand but he knew they would react. They all oohed and instantly questioned who it was since all that was something no one knew about except for Gran Torino. All but a secret. But Toshinori didn’t want to tell the high school students so he brushed it off with a joke. “It was just a high school crush, nothing serious.” His booming laughter echoed through the walls of the classroom. So fake. So plastic. None could imagine the pain behind his words. 

Yes, Toshinori Yagi’s greatest sacrifice was letting her go. His greatest mistake, guilt and regret. The choice and burden of choosing to be the number one hero, to protect and save the world instead of the love of his life. To this day, his feelings never wavered, still burned with fiery passion.

How could he ever admit that she was his greatest weakness. The one thing he was prepared to follow, to leave his life as the symbol of peace to be just a normal guy living with the only woman that moved his heart. The only woman in his heart that he would have changed the past for. All Might knew if he could, he would have reversed time and chose you. 

How could he forget you.

The sweet innocent smile that danced on her lips when he cracked one of his goofy jokes, every time. The blush that gave your pale cheeks colour, the blush that only he could cause as he’d hold her hand and show even a little sign of affection.The way your soft but genuine laugh would warm his body that no one could ever make him feel. Lighting up his world. The way you accepted him so easily when showing his true self, didn’t look at him differently but treated him the same. Like a strong and capable man.

The woman that held his hands in the street when he was just Toshinori Yagi, ignoring the odd glances and glares of those around them. The woman that stayed up on nights ends waiting for his return just to make sure he was well fed and okay. 

You were forever and always imprinted in his mind. 

You held his body tight when he’d come home tired and exhausted, even the times when he’d bawl his eyes out because of the people he couldn’t save. You whispered your feelings to him everyday and night, so pure and genuine. You were like an angel, a woman that made lazy days so much better. That made him confident in both forms. That loved him endlessly. Truly. Honestly. And willfully.

He imagined his life with you if he wasn’t All Might. If he was just Toshinori Yagi. How he’d wake you up with a tender kiss and a smile, holding you firmly in his arms. With kids running around the house that were spitting images of you and him, calling you Mum and Dad. How he could have been a simple man with a loving family, that he would care for till the end of his days. 

But that dream, that hope, that could have been all crumbled away when he chose to spend the rest of his life being the number one hero. 

The day he left you with nothing but a note, saying he didn’t love you anymore. It was just a lie. But a lie that had to be. He remembered waking up in the middle of the night, packing his gears and then disappearing with the last of a lingering kiss on the cheek of your sleeping figure.

Yes, out of all the battles and challenges in his life. Leaving you was the nightmare that haunted his dreams for months. He gave you up because he knew that people would find out about you and they would come after you. He told himself it was to protect you. All Might told himself everyday to keep himself from running back to your arms, to your warm smile, your love. But deep down, Toshinori Yagi and All Might were just afraid of the happiness he could have had.

‘Yes, it was to protect you.’

That’s exactly what he said before he walked out the door, the day he chose his dream and duty over love. The burden of being the pillar for the rest of the world. That was his sacrifice. His sacrifice was you. 

The Sacrifice of a True Hero.

[bitchiloveher]

all these years || part two

pairing[s]:

Sweet Pea x Reader

Veronica Lodge x platonic! reader

warnings: just your feels

word count: 1,700+

♬ : all these years by Camila Cabello

note: it’s here :) sorry I took so long!! I have been working like crazy. It was basically done a few days ago, but I didn’t like it so I rewrote the whole thing :) there will be a part 3... but I'm taking a lil sweet pea break for now to write for some of our other pals 

part one

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Sweet Pea hurried down the steps of Pop’s to his old pick up truck in a daze. He slid into the driver’s seat, mindlessly handing over the Pop’s bag to Josie, then his hand automatically found its way to the ignition, turning the key.

He had four years to prepare for what he would say to you the moment you stepped foot into town again. For a while, he wanted to cry... which he did. He wanted to follow you across the country and hold you so tight that you weren’t able to leave him again. Then, he wanted to yell, very loudly and specifically at you. He wanted to make sure you knew the pain you caused him and wouldn’t have minded if you felt it too. After all that, he didn’t want to speak to you... ever again. He would just see you and look away. No hello, no smile, but maybe the middle finger. Somehow, all of those ideas disappeared the moment he laid eyes on you. All that built up anger and sadness vanished instantly.

“Sweet Pea?!” Josie’s voice pulled him out of his trance.

“Hm?” His head snapped to see her frustrated face.

“What is the matter with you? You look like you’d just seen a ghost.” She replied in a playful, yet somehow harsh tone. He scoffed in response, little did she know. With a roll of her eyes, she spoke again, “Well you forgot my pickles.”

“Sorry.” He shrugged and shifted into reverse. Her hand found its way on top of his.

“Can you go get some?” Her eyebrows raised, like she expected this from him.

His phone rang and he held his finger up to Josie, which caused her to roll her eyes again. Sweet Pea reached for his phone in his back pocket, seeing Fangs’ name appear on the screen, “Give me a sec.” He shut off the car just before he pressed the green button.

“Where the hell are you guys? I want my burger!” Fangs frantically asked through the phone.

Sweet Pea stepped out, as Josie was about to speak again, but he closed the door behind him before she could make another complaint. “Dude, can you chill? We’re leaving in a minute.” Sweet Pea snapped.

“Woah, what the hell happened to you?” Fangs was used to Sweet Pea quick temper, but he could tell something was up.

“She’s back.” He answered criptically.

“Huh?” A confused Fangs responded.

“Y/n. She’s home.” Sweet Pea said shortly.

“Oh shit.” There was a brief pause, “How is she?” He genuinely asked.

“Not sure.”

“How are you?”

“Also not sure, but it really hit me, Fangs.” Sweet Pea let out a big sigh.

“I bet... Did you tell her about Josie?”

“I mentioned her and now I have to go back in to get her some damn pickles.” He huffed.

“Just don’t bring her up again, its kind of insensitive.” Fangs knew how sensitive you could be and always made it his main prerogative to protect you, no matter from who.

“Y/n leaving me like she did four years ago was kind of insensitive.” Sweet Pea responded without much thought.

“Touché”

Sweet Pea glanced back to his truck to see Josie’s irritated expression, “Okay, I gotta go, Josie looks angry.”

“But...”

“She’s staring at me with her angry eyes, dude.” Sweet Pea turned away from Josie and her look that could surely kill.

“Well can you tell y/n I said hi please.” Fangs begged. He tried his hardest to respect Sweet Pea by staying out of the situation between you two, which ultimately ended up with you two speaking less and less until things just faded out. It killed him everyday to not speak to you, until it suddenly became normal.

“You should reach out to her yourself, you know she’d love that.” He smiled at the thought of you and Fangs hanging out again. You were two peas in a pod and he knew how badly it affected Fangs when you left. “Now, if you don’t let me hang up, you’ll never get your burger.”

“Isn’t it funny though how I originally offered to go grab our food? Imagine how differently this would have turned out?” Fangs let out a big laugh before ending the call.

Sweet Pea’s head turned back to his truck when he heard a soft banging noise. Josie was leaning forward, fist made, banging on the front window. It took all of him to not start fuming at how careless she was being. She aggressively pointed her finger towards the diner with wide eyes. Sweet Pea groaned, knowing he had to go back in and also knowing some part of him wanted to. He so badly needed to see your face again.

When he opened the door he saw Veronica’s hand on your back rubbing slow and small circles as your chugged your milkshake. He always loved how you could take one of those down so quickly. Veronica’s head turned to the sound of the door chiming as Sweet Pea stepped back inside the diner, his hands shoved in his pockets, “I forgot a side of pickles.”

At the sound of his voice, your eyes shot straight open and you dropped the straw out of your mouth. Your hands quickly found their way to your eyes to make sure you didn’t resemble a rabid raccoon. Veronica leaned forward and whispered, “You got this, babe.” She gave you a small pat on the shoulder before heading back to the kitchen, “Just a second, Sweet Pea.”  

Sweet Pea stood awkwardly by the entrance, fidgeting. His body urging him to move closer to you, he soon gave in, taking a seat beside you. You both sat in tense silence for a few moments.

“So pickles??” You questioned breaking the silence, while looking at your milkshake glass.

“They are…” He searched for an acceptable answer “for Fangs.”

“Fangs hates pickles.” You said knowingly before taking a sip of your chocolatey goodness.

“You have a great memory.” He nodded, forgetting just how much you payed attention.

“You’re allowed to talk about her, Sweet Pea.” You responded, lips pressed tightly together. “I’m just glad you’re happy.” You finally looked him straight in the eyes.

This was his chance to take you all in. You had cut your hair, it was different, but it fit you so well. It made you look older, just like the different way you did your makeup now. The circles under your eyes had sunk a little deeper, but that didn’t take away your beauty, not one bit. Through your eyes, he knew you were the same ole y/n.

He could tell you had been crying and fought the urge to bury you in his arms. He decided to avoid bringing that up though so this situation didn't get any worse. “You never got to tell me how you are.” He assumed that was the best way to continue the conversation.

“If I’m being honest, pretty damn tired.” You responded with a small chuckle.

“That’s reasonable though.” He laughed. “What did you end up studying anyway? I know you were having a tough time deciding.”

You mumbled your answer, just before leaning forward to take another sip of your milkshake.

“Hm?? What was that?” He teased.

You whispered, “Journalism.”

“Can’t hear you... mind saying that a little louder?” He teased while putting a hand up beside his ear, leaning in closer to you.

“I said Journalism, you little shit!” You shouted with wide eyes and a big laugh.

“So you finally gave into destiny, huh?” He smirked.

“Shut up!” You pushed his shoulder back lightly.

“Just saying... I called it.” He raised his hands in defense.

“You did.” You said with a little nod. “It felt so impractical, but I have so much I need to say.” He could see the passion in your eyes. It was one of the reasons he fell in love with you.

“You can’t quite a voice like yours.” He replied honestly with a slight shake of his head. “I’m glad everyone is going to get to hear it now.”

“Let’s hope so, I’m waiting to hear back from an internship in New York City.”

“You’re gonna get it.” He said so completely sure of it.

“You don’t know that.”

“I’m never wrong about you.” He smiled, the love he had for you just oozing out of him.

“So... what have you been up to?”

“Just bought and rebuilt the Whyte Wyrm... nothing big.” He answered smugly with a shrug.

“Nothing big? Holy shit, Sweet Pea. You really did it. I’m so happy for you.” There it was, a smile from ear to ear. After all these years that smile of yours could still made his heart stop.

“Fangs and I have been working on it for a while, longer than it should have taken.”

“Well knowing you two...” You trailed off jokingly.

“We’re actually opening next Friday, you should come by.” You nodded, while staring sweetly into each others eyes. You felt everything in that moment.. all the hurt... all the love.

A sweet voice pulled your attention away, “Babe?”

You knew that voice. You took a deep breath and turned around, a fake smile perfectly finding its way to your face. There she was, “Josie, hi!”

“Y/n.” She responded with a small nod. “I’m guessing you just got home.”

“Yeah, not too long ago actually.”

“Welcome back.” She turned to Sweet Pea, “Sweetie, our food is cold.” She motioned her head back to the door, signaling him to leave.

“Sorry, just waiting for Veronica to bring out your pickles.” He responded while standing up.

Veronica quietly scoffed from behind the register, “I already brought them out.” She motioned to the tiny plastic cup of pickles that were placed right between you and Pea. I didn’t want to interrupt…” Veronica trailed off when she noticed how your eyes grew and head shook.

“I didn’t even notice. Thanks again, V.” He reached forward to grab the small container.

“Maybe cause you were too distracted...” she muttered under her breath.

“I’ll see you around, y/l/n.” You smiled at the name and the countless memories it brought back. His eyes stayed connected with yours for as long as they could, until Josie’s hand found her way into his, pulling his attention as they slipped out.

Your gaze longingly followed him out of the dinner, wishing it was your hand he was holding on to. You sighed, feeling your heart shatter. You shook the thought of his hand in yours again away and went to sip on your shake, just to hear the annoying slurping sound. “I’m gonna need a refill, V.”

—

↳xo m.j.

[hippychick006]

4.18 - Monster at the End of this book

This episode is what Supernatural used to do best, funny, angsty and heartbreaking all in a single episode.  And similar to Monster Movie, I’d have to paste the entire transcript for this episode to do it any justice.  I will gamely try  (and fail) to summarise as best I can, but it’s still a long post,  It’s really not my fault they used to pack so much good stuff into a single episode, instead of the filler crap we get now that I wouldn’t be remotely interested in recapping.  I might do an early season 14 one soon and see the difference.

I think this is also the first episode Supernatural goes meta, and it is fantastic, due in large part to Rob Benedict being a fantastic choice as Chuck and Jared and Jensen knocking it out of the park in all of their scenes together.  Interestingly, this one wasn’t written by Ben, but Julie Siege and looking at her other episodes, this is by far the best one. 

Scene with comic book guy was great.  Right from when he recognises the FBI aliases they use: De Young and Shaw - which I admit I had to look up who these were.  Styx, which doesn’t help me any, so currently listening to Styx while I watch the episode - through to their weird line of questions, he believes them to be LARPing.  

Best part of this scene: 

Comic Book Guy: You're asking questions like the building's haunted. Like those guys from the books. What are they called? Uh... "Supernatural." Two guys, use fake IDs with rock aliases, hunt down ghosts, demons, vampires. What are their names? Uh... Steve and Dirk? Uh, Sal and Dane?

Sam (hesitantly): Sam and Dean? Comic Book Guy: That's it!

I love how the show pokes fun at itself all through the episode.  We find out that the books  “didn’t sell a lot of copies...kind of had more of an underground cult following.” and they are being sold in the “bargain bin” section.  Oh show.

We get a montage of the book covers and the props department really had fun with this one.  Here’s Fabio!Sam and a jacked up Dean ... enjoy!   Source

The next scene is also great, Dean’s reading the books and has discovered he’s full frontal in Route 666.  Show pokes more fun at itself when Dean asks Sam how come they hadn’t heard of the books before.  Sam: “They’re pretty obscure.  I mean almost zero circulation.” Oh show.  They discover fandom, there’s not many of us, but we sure do complain a lot.  Oh Dean, I actually liked Season 4 for the most part, wait till later seasons!   Best part of this scene:

Dean: There are Sam girls and Dean girls and... what’s a slash fan?

Sam: As in...Sam slash Dean...Together

Dean: Like, together, together?

Sam: Yeah

Dean: They do know we’re brothers, right?

Sam: Doesn’t seem to matter.

Heh.

Next on to the publisher - who I think was also Karen in The Usual Suspects episode.  They tell her they are big fans and want to write an article on the books.  Best parts of this interaction is when she says that a positive article could mean they start publishing again and Dean responds:  No, no, no, no. God, no!   She gets suspicious - as she doesn’t want anyone making fun of “her boys” - so tests them on their knowledge of the books.  They get them all right obviously, but Sam struggles to remember his LSAT score.

On to Carver Edlund - who we find out is a pen name for Chuck Shurley.  We saw him at the start of the episode dreaming about Sam and Dean and he’s shown here, editing his most recent chapter, so it’s obvious he’s still writing.  This whole scene is genius.  You can’t even attempt to summarise it, but it does have this line, “Sam and Dean traded soulful looks.”  Also Chuck comes to the conclusion he’s a god.

We next see Sam and Dean in the laundrette (or laundromat if you are US).  Dean’s reading from the pages while Sam is loading the laundry and the pages match what they are doing.  Right down to Sam’s brooding and pensive shoulders and thinking Dean is a dick.

Sam and Dean go back to Chuck’s house and he tells him of his latest dream, which Dean in particular isn’t going to like.  Apparently Sam is going to unable to “deny his desire”, and “will succumb to Lilith as they sink into the throes of fiery demonic passion.”  Sam rightfully laughs at this

Sam: You’re kidding me, right?

Dean: You think this is funny?

Sam: You don’t?  I mean, come on, “Fiery demonic passion”?

Chuck (defensively): It’s just a first draft

This is a very funny scene, but heartbreaking as Dean doesn’t believe that Sam would never actually do this.  It makes me even sadder that in Season 14, Sam’s still begging Dean to believe in them. 

Sam: You can’t seriously believe...

Dean: Humour me

In the car, Sam sarcastically reads from the recent pages Chuck wrote, which includes the line, “The minivan accident wasn’t that bad, but Dean was still seeing stars.  He scratched absently at the pink flower Band-aids on his face.”  which Sam thinks would never happen, that Dean would “use duct tape and bar rags, before he’d put on a pink flower band-aid.”

Dean thinks Chuck might be wrong about the details, but not the end result (Sam sleeping with Lilith) so they are hightailing it out of town.  Except the bridge is down (apparently the only one in town which is a bit poor thinking on the town’s part) so they have to stay.

They go to a diner and decide to try to do the opposite of what has been written.  So where it says they get into a fight, they won’t fight, no research for Sam, no bacon cheeseburger for Dean, which leads to this:

Dean (to the waitress): Hi, uh, what's good? WAITRESS: Well, if you like burgers, Oprah's girlfriend said we have the best bacon cheeseburgers in the country. Sam laughs and looks at Dean in challenge.  Dean orders the veggie tofu burger.

Next follows couples therapy tactics as they try to avoid the fight that happens in Chuck’s draft (all sourced from wiki as usual):

SAM: This whole thing's ridiculous. DEAN:Lilith is ridiculous? SAM: The idea of me hooking up with her is. DEAN: Right. 'Cause something like that can never happen. SAM: (starts to scowl, then controls himself.) Dean, for the first time, we have warning that Lilith is close. DEAN: So? SAM: So... we've got the jump on her. If we know when she's coming, we know where she's – this is an opportunity. DEAN Are you – (trying very hard not to get angry) It frustrates me when you say such reckless things. SAM: Well, it frustrates me when you'd rather hide that fight.

I love that whole interaction.  They couldn’t look more like a couple if they tried.

They get their food and after the waitress leaves, Dean continues their “discussion”:  It's not hiding. It's being smart. It's picking your battles. This is a battle that we are not ready to fight. (He takes a huge bite of his burger and his eyes widen in surprise.)  Oh, my god. This is delicious. Tofu is amazing! WAITRESS: (approaching, flustered).  I am so sorry. I gave you the bacon cheeseburger by mistake. (she takes his plate away) SAM bitchfaces.

The next bit, they spend fruitlessly trying to do the opposite of what’s on the pages.  They pull into the skeevy Toreador Hotel (which Sam says looks like it rents rooms by the hour) to avoid staying at the Red Hotel.  Dean dumps Sam in the motel room while he takes Sam’s laptop so he can’t do research.  He leaves to go park up the car instead of driving it around (as per the pages).  As he drives away, the motel neon sign breaks, leaving only the letters Red remaining.

Dean parks up the impala and walks away, but turns around to see two kids trying to break into her.  He starts across to them and gets run over by a mini van.

Chuck arrives at the motel room, Sam’s called him over and I just want to say that in this scene, Rob is absolutely tiny against Jared!   I mean seriously, he’s like a leprechaun, and he shouldn’t look that small as he’s listed as 5′ 8″.  I’ve seen Jared in the flesh and yes he’s tall, but not how it shows here.   Anyway, Sam asks Chuck if he’s seen visions of Sam when he’s not with Dean.  

Chuck: Oh, you want to know if I know about the demon blood.  

Chuck does know, but he hasn’t told Dean or written it into the books, because he’s afraid it will make Sam look “unsympathetic”.  After the joking of the rest of the episode, this is a beautiful scene between Jared and Rob, where Sam reveals once again that he believes he’s got to stop the apocalypse because he doesn’t think Dean’s strong enough.  He wants to do it because Dean’s looked out for him his whole life, and he wants to be the one that helps Dean this time.  Chuck questions whether that’s really Sam’s motives and not that he feels strong and in control when he’s drinking the demon blood.  Sam says that isn’t true (but I think its Sam wanting to believe that isn’t true).

Chuck: I’m sorry Sam.  I know it’s a terrible burden, feeling that it all rests on your shoulders

Sam: Does it?  All rest on my shoulders?

Chuck: That seems to be where the story is headed.

Dean wakes up and sees stars (which turns out to be the huge earrings of the woman who ran him over). Seriously, those could rip your ear open.   He sees the impala’s back window has been broken (which was also written in the pages Sam was reading from earlier).  He sees his reflection in baby and the woman’s daughter has plastered his face with pink band aids while he was unconscious.  Umm, next time, maybe call an ambulance?

Dean slides behind the wheel of his beloved Impala and drives off, the plastic tarp on the rear window flapping like the wings of a crow. (Chuck’s words, not mine).

Back to Chuck who arrives home with a six pack of beer to find Dean waiting for him (which he knew was going to happen).  Dean attacks him to get him to explain how he’s doing what he’s doing, and... oh great, Castiel’s turned up, once again far too late, to “helpfully” explain that Chuck is to be protected as he is a “prophet of the Lord” who is writing the Winchester gospel.

Castiel says he’s a fan of Chuck’s work and picks up a copy of Scarecrow (and I just thank Chuck it wasn’t route 666 or we’d never hear the end of it).

Dean asks Chuck if he knew (about being a prophet).  Chuck says he might have dreamed about it and adds:  “ It was too preposterous. Not to mention arrogant. I mean, writing yourself into the story is one thing, but as a prophet? That's like M. Night-level douchiness.”

Another Dean and Cass scene and yet again, I really don’t see what the hellers are seeing at all.   Upshot is, Dean asks Castiel how they stop Lilith and Sam getting their jiggy on.  Castiel responds “What the prophet has written can’t be unwritten.  As he has seen it, so it shall come to pass.”  Well, thanks for that Cass, really helpful as always.

Dean leaves and returns to the hotel and sees the sign has now changed to the Red Motel.  And even though I don’t love what they say to each other in this next scene, I do absolutely love this scene. Give me all the angsty brothers. Jared and Jensen both do an outstanding job.  This show should get all the cookies.  Dean wants them to hightail out of town, even if they have to swim out.  As he’s starting to pack up, he realises the hex bags he placed earlier to hide Sam are not there. It turns out that Sam’s burnt them because he wants to confront Lilith. Best part of the scene:

SAM: You think I'll do it, don't you? You think I'll go dark side. DEAN: Yes! Okay? Yes. The way you've been acting lately? The things you've been doing?  (Sam looks worried at this news, thinking Dean might know about the blood drinking) and Dean continues, Oh, I know. How you ripped Alastair apart like it was nothing, like you were swatting a fly. Cas told me, okay? (so Dean and Cass have been having secret conversations about Sam).

SAM: What else did he tell you? DEAN: Nothing I don't already know. That you've been using your psychic crap, and you've been getting stronger. We just don't know why, and we don't know how.

Sam: It’s not what you think

Dean: Then what is it, Sam.  ‘Cause I’m at a total loss.

Sam doesn’t answer, Dean finishes packing and asks Sam if he’s coming or not.  Sam says no.  Dean closes his eyes and throws his bag down on the chair and angrily leaves the room.

Dean goes to get a soda, and prays to the angels for help as he is completely out of options.  Castiel turns up, and in the same way I liked Jared and Rob scene, I like Jensen and Misha scene.  However, in the same way I see nothing shippy between Sam and Chuck, there is also nothing shippy between Dean and Castiel.  Dean is 100% only concerned about his brother and his interest in Castiel is in how he can help him save Sam.  Otherwise, he seems permanently angry at the angels, which includes Castiel.  I think Dean just prefers to deal with him out of all the angels because Castiel is the least douchy and for the most part, answers his questions.  Dean begs Castiel to drag Sam out of the town.  Castiel apologises and says he cannot interfere in a prophesy.  

Dean: Screw you.  You and your mission.  Your God.  If you don’t help me now, then when the time comes and you need me...don’t bother knocking.

He goes to leave and Castiel calls him back, and this is one of the few times that I actually like Castiel and that he does actually help, though in Castiel’s usual cryptic way.  Misha does a good job in this scene and just posting the dialogue doesn’t do justice to his performance here as Castiel tries to give a hint to Dean:

CASTIEL: You must understand why I can't intercede. Prophets are very special. They're protected. DEAN (angrily): I get that. CASTIEL: If anything threatens a prophet, anything at all, an archangel will appear to destroy that threat. Archangels are fierce. They're absolute. They're heaven's most terrifying weapon. DEAN: And these archangels, they're tied to prophets? CASTIEL: Yes. DEAN: So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon – CASTIEL: Then the most fearsome wrath of heaven would rain down on that demon. Just so you understand (looks up towards the skies)... why I can't help.

Oh Cass, you are all right.  [Until you let Sam out of the panic room in a later episode and then I’m back to not liking you]

Dean goes to get Chuck:

Chuck: What are you doing here?  I didn’t write this!  

Unsurprisingly, Chuck is reluctant to go with Dean.  Dean gives him a pep talk:

DEAN: This isn't a story anymore, man. This is real! And you're in it! Now, I need you to get off your ass and fight. Come on, Chuck.

Dramatic, inspiring music plays as Chuck starts walking forward... then turns around and...

CHUCK: No friggin' way.

Dean goes with plan B:

DEAN: Okay, well, then, how about this – I've got a gun in my pocket, and if you don't come with me, I'll blow your brains out. CHUCK (smugly): I thought you said I was protected by an archangel. DEAN (considers that): Well, interesting exercise. Let's see who the quicker draw is.

Back to Sam.  The motel room door knocks and he opens it to... nothing there.  He closes the door and turns around and Lilith is inside the room.  Neat trick.  Lilith helpfully rolls her eyes to white, just so we know it’s her.  She asks where the demon killing knife is and Sam tells her it’s on the nightstand.  She goes to get it and stops at a rug, pulling it back she sees Sam’s drawn a trap.  She breaks it easily then tells Sam he needs to try a lot harder than that.

Sam tries to exorcise her, but does nothing more than make her hair blow prettily in the wind he’s creating.  It appears that Sam and Lilith are now evenly matched with their powers, she can’t TK him, he can’t TK her.

Sam asks what she wants, and she offers to stand down and stop breaking the seals, because she’s found out she doesn’t survive (I think she’s only just found out she’s the last seal, which obviously Sam - and we - still doesn’t know).  All she wants in return is Sam and Dean dead.  Sam says he doesn’t believe her, but Lilith says if they make a deal, she has to follow through and Sam knows that. She accuses him of being like her.

Sam: You think I’m like you?  I’m nothing like you!

Sam agrees to the deal, and Lilith says it’ll take a lot more than just a kiss. She pats the bed and Sam joins her, looking as if he’s going to agree, but he grabs the knife at the last second.  Lilith is better at fighting on beds than Sam is (heh) and she easily overpowers him.  

Dean and Chuck burst into the room.  Lilith gets off the bed to confront them and the room starts shaking.  Dean says an archangel is coming and if she doesn’t get out, she’s dead.  Lilith glares at Sam and smokes out. 

Dean and Sam have a broment in the car as they drive away.  Sam still wants Lilith dead.

Last scene is Chuck.  We don’t see his dream this time, but he wakes up and Zachariah is there.  Chuck has now seen how everything ends and wants to warn Sam and Dean, but Zachariah says he’ll stop him.

Me at the time: What did Chuck dream?!

Up next, Supernatural jumps the shark.

[sleeplessinsiswati]

Toxic Masculinity—A Contagious Kind of Pollution

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My bad, I know I’m late.

*grumble and murmuring*

My bad. Look, i said my bad.

*lower murmuring*

Look, in my defense, I had the post locked and loaded on the queue and then my internet went out. Boom. Now can we get on with what we came here for?

_________________________________________________

As you may know about me, bell hooks is one of my favorite authors. She has inspired me, moment after moment and time after time, to grow and love myself and others more wholly and fully.  In her writing she uses a combination of autobiographical, common-sensical language and academic, theoretical research to shed light to the various topics. Here, I will attempt to scratch at the masterpieces of her work, and use both theory and my experience to shed the light of truth concerning what I know about what the world has come to refer to as toxic masculinity.

Your story may be different than mine, but toxic masculinity is something that affects each and every one of us. Let me state again, masculinity is not the issue here; there is nothing wrong with “being a man” or being strong or having power. The issue comes in when notions or ideals of manhood force boys and men to be emotionally unavailable, makes us believe we are not enough as human beings, or encourages us to exploit and take advantage of others in an ultimate quest for power. There’s no way around the reality that this is no way to live, and there is the crux of the argument—living. Most of the things that we come to know and associate with being a “man” and “manhood” have to do with survival. Hunting, fishing, fighting, scanning a room and sizing people up, sports, fitness, taking a hit and not complaining, the list goes on and on. Most of these are guys grasping at straws, trying to get a piece, a bit more power than they had before, in order to survive. But this is not living. 

This is why the first step to growth, and leading a healthier life absent of toxic masculinity, is reflection. You must look over your life, your experiences and genuinely ask are you living or are you surviving. Patriarchy, being a system where men and masculine energy dominate spaces of power or with power and women, children, and weaker men are seen as inferior and vessels willing to be dominated or controlled, makes us believe that survival is the ultimate resource and that there are constant, looming threats to us accomplishing this goal. Though at times this may be true, it is not always true, and if we walk through life always scanning rooms with balled up fists we doom ourselves to early graves filled with bitterness, emotions we’ve never experienced, and a life devoid of love. There is more to life than reliving childhood traumas day in and day out, but that more does not come without being able to reflect and to heal. 

I don’t remember at what point in my childhood I started hating my dad; I know that it was not always that way. There’s a distinctly fond memory I have with him—wrestling my older brother and I, both of us no older than seven at the time, he pinned us down and stood on our chests saying, “ Who’s the man? Who’s the Man?” Gerald and I were half hysterical laughing, half having an asthma attack, and shouting, “ You’re the man! You’re the man!” He laughed saying, “ No, God’s the Man. Say, God’s the Man.” We giggle between gasps, “Okay, God’s the Man!” Mom came on to the scene from the back room of our duplex and looked at Dad with that look that only Black mommas can deliver; we were sorry that we got dad in trouble, but to this day I love that time in my life, I love that memory. 

Perhaps it was the pressures of two lives, two similar personalities, and an age difference spanning over three decades that caused there to be so much friction between us; don’t ask me what the first argument was even about, because I couldn’t tell you. I think that it was the silence that ultimately led to it all. Questions not asked by a son out of fear, and questions left unanswered by a father unaware of the shadow his figure casted. What I do know is that early on in my adolescence I became disillusioned with childhood, with being looked down upon and thought to be foolish, and I know it had a lot to do with Dad and things he said, or how he said them. Something as simple as walking into the room that Gerald and I shared, looking around and making an expression, and finally looking at us and shaking his head was all Dad needed to do to express his disappointment. Honestly I appreciated the silent expressions a lot more than the verbal ones, which seemed to have a back-breakingly painful bite to them. Gerald grew to be calloused and joke about it, but I was raw to it; words more than belts and punishments are what would break my spirit. Around fifth grade I realized that love didn’t really matter, or at least it didn’t mean anything—I loved my dad and he kept smoking cigarettes even after my brother and I begged him to stop; I loved my mom but I couldn’t tell her what I felt about the world because she couldn’t protect me from it; I loved my brother but I felt he constantly belittled me, silenced me, and made me feel like I was stupid (I’m sure he took a few pages from Dad’s book, in this way); I loved myself, or I thought I did, and yet I constantly belittled myself, telling myself that in this world I would have to be stronger. Love could not change anything about life, it just made you feel like you couldn’t even more.

Eventually I gave in to this belief system—years passed and I graduated to full blown “I don’t give a fuck about anything”. I was afraid, powerless and with those tools as weapons I was ready for anything at any time because I felt I had nothing to lose; I felt I had lost so much of my soul already, it wouldn’t matter even if I lost my life. Hotheaded athlete, I knew how to mask my shrewd and heartless demeanor with cool, chauvinistic locker-room thuggery. I acted chill, I wanted to be chill, but in my mind, at any moment I was a shoulder bump away from a full blown “nigga moment”, as so accurately defined in The Boondocks. I was a ticking time bomb, an emotionally unavailable mess all throughout high school, and college was more the same with less of the guard rails.

But before we keep going forward, let’s go back. Black Baton Rouge has become well-known in modern society (before the Alton Sterling murder) for one reason in particular, as far as I am concerned, —Lil Boosie. Now, I’m not talking about “Zoom” or “Wipe Me Down” Lil Boosie, that’s mainstream Boosie. I’m talking “Set It Off”, “Murder Was the Case” Lil Boosie; Boosie that I met that one time at the Mall of Cortana and he said, “Wassup, lil niggas” Lil Boosie. That one. The Boosie BR natives knew growing up was trap before trap was cool. Street, gutta, whatever you want to call it, Black BR loved it and they had to have it. Hell the whole world came to love it, but Baton Rouge had to have it so much that they had to mimic it; kids, even, began to walk with certain swaggers, talking lingos picked up from lyrics. It was a damn masterpiece from a mastermind, and there was no escaping it. The problem though, is what this success for one man meant for many boys (like me and unlike me) growing up in that era. Is being a man being that kind of man? The kind of man in these songs? Why do these boys think less of me because I’m not a “man” like they think they are? Do they know they’re faking?

These were the type of thoughts that got me chin-checked on more than one occasion, questioning what someone saw as their manhood, or them thinking I was calling them soft. I was a huge fan of Dr. King in my younger days, nonviolence and all, but I made up in my mind after one good fight that Dr. King must have never been to Scotlandville, Baton Rouge, a day in his life, and that was that for nonviolence as a way of life in my mind. In a classic case of if-you-can’t-beat-them-join-them, I entered the wade pool of cool poses and posturizing. If a scrap came I didn’t think twice about it, and I was willing to take whatever bruises and lumps came with it from the school or the fight. Not like I was built or raise for all’lat, but didn’t seem like there was much other option. 

Now let’s press play, back at the start of my university academic career. I had finally made it to the platform where I wanted to be—college freshman, class president, track team, chapel assistant, so on and so forth. And the shit felt as plastic as a maxed out credit card. The aggression, the fight that I had come to know and hate and love—for all its pain and all  its suffering, I missed it; it was home, my home. Not much more than a self-righteous leader already, I quickly threw off the mask of who people wanted me to be as the smart, politically correct leader after freshman year, and allowed my passions to roam freely. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, for no reason other than I wanted to. 

It wasn’t until I nearly lost my opportunities to continue my studies and was threatened with the potential for never finishing undergrad, that I sat down and contemplated what went wrong, and why. It was then that I had to take a journey through my mind, into my past and confront the decisions I made, the reasons I made them, and the consequences of those actions. It was here that I discovered and acknowledged the pain in my past. The memories of desperately wanting the approval of my father, and simultaneously being pained by not living up to his seemingly impossible expectations; Times where he seemed to be emotionally unavailable hurt me more than any belt whooping ever could; fleeting thoughts of being silenced or crying inconsolably from feelings of inferiority or brokenness. From these starting points I came to resent the presentation of manhood before me in my father, and the power that came with it, with hoping to one day overcome (or overpower) it by whatever means necessary. That bitterness spilled over into other systems of power and I came to resent almost all, if not all, forms of leadership. Being on the lower rungs of the power dynamic at home and the frustration that came with it did not get any better in the world beyond those four wals; I was short, readily referred to as “nappy-headed”, and emotionally vulnerable. The ego bruises and self-esteem damage I received from early on in my public school career led me to believe that I had to become someone powerful, or to have power, in order to not be disrespected. This belief would haunt me from the moment of its beginning up to this very day. 

Once I realized this, and I was able to accept that for the vast majority of my life I had been living in my past burdened by unforgivness, that I had not been the person I really wanted to be, I began a journey of learning to become for the first time. It was exciting being able to unlearn ways in which I had limited my own humanity for fear of not being perceived as manly or displaying some form of power, but it has also been very painful at times. Admitting to yourself the damage that you have done to others, the damage you have done to yourself, and the damage that has been done to you is not easy. There are people who to this day I feel I owe apologies to, for things that I said or ways that I treated them, Black women in particular; for the sake of recovering acknowledgement I didn’t receive in my youth but desperately wanted, I took advantage emotionally of women who otherwise loved me, cared for me, and wanted to see the both of us to succeed. Some people, most people, are afraid to look into their pasts and examine the truth of their actions because they do not want to face that there may be consequences to their actions; even towards themselves there is unforgivness and bitterness. The truth is, without confronting our past we are bound by them and they have power over us. Only by being able to non-judgementally examine our actions, accept that they were wrong, and pay whatever toll to move forward, can we begin our journey of healing. 

Even I was afraid to begin my journey of unlearning toxic masculinity thinking that I may be vulnerable to the world and it’s threats, but I have come to find my wife and best friend, a life of love and laughter and carefree living, and wholeness through this adventure of learning. Yes, I am now more likely to cry in public and yes I share my feelings more with others, but I now see that instead of living a life silencing parts of who I am and distorting other parts of me to seem more angry or more threatening than I feel, I can just…be. 

And that, for me, is enough. 

Pain is universal: we all experience it, feel it, and suffer. But the only thing equally as universal, and infinitely more powerful is the healing from that pain; that healing is love. I challenge you to ask what ways has toxic masculinity been a part of your life, and then challenge your self to live a more whole, more alive life. Only by ending this vicious cycle can we stop the pollution of toxic masculinity, and breathe the fresh air of self-acceptance, self-love, and truly show our love for others. 

Peace.

[thelondonfilmschool]

INTERVIEW with Newcastle-based and one-of-a-kind filmmaker: Benjamin Bee

Writer/Director Benjamin Bee graduated from London Film School in 2015 and moved back to his home town of Newcastle Upon Tyne, where he’s continued to hone the unique brand of personal- tragi-comedy which has seen his films screened at some of the world’s biggest film festivals and attracted the likes of Mike Leigh to his Crowdfunding videos. Ben turns his own life story into art, and it’s not hard to see why – within minutes of meeting him I’d been told an anecdote involving an axe, a crazed lunatic and a carton of banana milkshake. Below is the publishable version of Ben’s take on the North-South divide, his time at LFS and what it is that makes his ‘bonkers’ stories so universal.

S.M: Can you tell me a bit about your life before applying to London Film School?

B.B: I left school in Newcastle when I was 14 without any qualifications, and then I went to an access to college course. They did photography and had an old, broken VHS video camera, and with the people that I met there we started making comedy, stupid little films. They were unscripted, and weirdly I used that to get into the University of Westminster to do Contemporary Media Practice. That was in 2002, and then at the end of that course I made a short film called The Plastic Toy Dinosaur, which was produced by Rob Watson who’s an NFTS producing grad who’s doing really well now. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, I wrote it when I was 21 and I directed it when I was 22. I moved back to Newcastle and started working in a bar, but I hated it and I was miserable and the only thing I realised I had was this short film. I didn’t know about anything, I didn’t even know Cannes or Sundance existed. 

So, I just started entering it in places that I found and one of them was the BBC3 New Filmmaker of the Year Award. There were tons of submissions and they selected it down to the last ten. It was actually a really good year – Alice Lowe had written and starred in one of them, and Sean Conway had a film as well, he writes for Ray Donavan now. It was nice because people started to screen the film and it seemed like they liked it and it resonated with audiences, but I still had no idea what I was doing and I was incredibly naïve. I mean, seriously dyslexic and had the reading and writing age of an 8-year-old. Not going to school probably didn’t help. So, I was kind of lost. I started working a theatre box office and I worked, like, 60 hours a week and tried to save money. And then I saw a Skillset bursary advertised. I’d always looked at LFS but I couldn’t afford the fees, but eventually after I’d saved some money from my job I applied and I got the bursary.

S.M: What did applying for that involve?

B.B: It’s based on previous work and it’s means tested so you basically have to be poor and talented, or at least fake them into believing that you have some form of talent (laughs). I think I had something to say, coming from a slightly different background, and all my stories are weirdly personal. You go in front of a panel and when I got called back I literally cried like a small child. And then I went to LFS! It was interesting and difficult and there were people from so many different walks of life. I learnt the craft of filmmaking – I tried to eat up everything. 

The most important thing for me was the people – you’re surrounded by people who are really passionate about film. It’s two years surrounded by people who’ll put a lot of effort in, and I met a lot of people who had a lot of fun making films that I’m really proud of. I did a film called Step Right Up when I was there, which was my Term 4 exercise. We had 36 minutes of film stock to make a nine-minute film and it was screened at 40 film festivals. We got long-listed for the BAFTA, which means we were down to the last 10 or 15, which had never been done before by a fourth term film. It was huge.

S.M: What do you think it was about that film that made it so successful?

B.B: I make comedies and they’re personal. I’ve never really struggled with getting films into festivals because I don’t try to make arduous bulls**t. It’s personal, and also I’m not the most masculine man but I know lots of masculine men who do have feelings, and everybody has a shared experience of feelings and pain so there’s nothing that makes even the most masculine, awful guy not sensitive. A lot of my films are about paternal bonds or absent father figures, because my dad left and he was an utter c***. So, I’ve got a lot of things like that, that kind of resonate. 

My new one’s about something that genuinely happened, which was when my dad left when I was five and my mum decided to take me and my brother out of school and take us to Metroland, which is a theme park in Newcastle. My brother went on the dodgems but I was too little, so I had to go on the merry-go-round. It was amazing, and I was on a big white horse going round and round. Every time I’d come round I’d see my mum just stood there in floods and floods of tears, and then I’d go past her, and I could see my brother having the best time ever. That’s an analogy for my relationships with my siblings! I think if you say things that are deeply personal then they’re always going to do much better than things that aren’t you. When I started in term one and term two, I started trying to make stuff to look more “intelligent”, and then I realised that it wasn’t making me at all happy. So, by term four I made something ridiculous and by graduation I made a film called Sebastian which was a horror comedy which was also a bit nuts.

S.M: Was it always your plan to go back to Newcastle after graduation?

B.B: The day I handed my grad film in I went for a meeting to direct a pilot taster for Baby Cow, Steve Coogan and Henry Normal’s company. I got that, and I brought Yiannis (Manolopoulos, fellow LFS student and cinematographer) in, it was written by a friend of mine, Dan Mersh, who was also in Step Right Up, Plastic Toy Dinosaur, Sebastian and Mordechai. And that was really good because I got to meet Henry Normal, who was the managing director of the company. He’d written the Royle Family, Mrs Merton, he’d produced some of my fave TV shows, including the Mighty Boosh … He loved it. but Channel 4 didn’t pick it up. Then I moved back to Newcastle, in 2015, and broke my ankle running for a train! I was in a cast for over a year. 

Then I applied to the Jewish Film Fund for my film Mordechai, I’m not actually Jewish but the film’s subject is. It’s doing really well, it’s got into Palm Springs, BFI London Film Festival, and various others. It’s about these identical twins, one of which has left the community and one of whom has stayed at home. There’s an ultra-orthodox community in Gateshead and it’s quite insular and interesting. So, I developed a story about, what if one of them had left and then had to come home for a reason? The dad dies and the other brother comes home and he has to go and pick him up. They’ve got very different life choices – one brother’s dressed in black and the other turns up wearing tie-dyed hippy shit. He’s still Jewish but in his own way. Mordechai is really happy and charming and Daniel, who stayed at home, is a bit more down-trodden and miserable. Then Mordechai drops dead and Daniel makes the decision to body swap and becomes Mordechai and goes to his own funeral. It comes out the end quite positive but it’s also quite emotional!

S.M: You work a lot with producer Maria Caruana Galizia – is she someone you met through LFS?

B.B: No, she’s from Malta. She moved to Newcastle after living in Scotland for a while (I think), and there’s very few producers here. I met her at a networking event – she liked something I’d made, I liked something she’d made and we just decided to try and apply for stuff. She’s fu***ng awesome, super talented and incredibly hardworking. Also, she puts up with me…

S.M: Do you find that being based up in Newcastle has its pros and cons?

B.B: It really does. The benefits are that you can shoot anywhere for dead cheap but crewing’s impossible because every good member of crew’s doing Vera or The Dumping Ground. There’s swings and roundabouts. It’s beautiful, and has a better quality of life but there is definitely a massive divide. All the work’s in London, all the agents are there.

S.M: Do you manage to make a living out of the work you’re doing at the moment?

B.B: I’m a very cheap human being. It’s difficult when you start out because a lot of the stuff that you’re doing, like the shorts, aren’t going to make any money unless you start winning prize money. I’m at the stage now where it’s a little bit easier because I can apply for funding for development from the BFI etc. That’s what I’m applying for at the moment. I’m doing a project with Henry Normal, a documentary on him and his poetry. I’m also just finishing Metroland and I’m really, really happy with it, but I’ve got no idea how it’s going to go down ‘cause it’s a bit mental.

S.M: How did you get Mike Leigh to appear in the crowdfunding promo?

B.B: He pops up in it, and basically the whole joke is that the film’s kind of like Weekend at Bernie’s, but imagine Weekend at Bernie’s if it was directed by Mike Leigh. You see the door open and it’s Mike Leigh going “Ben, can you stop phoning and emailing me and if you give me another copy of Weekend at Bernie’s …” (laughs). 

I sent him an email going, “Hi Mike! Creative England are insisting that I do Crowdfunding and I really don’t wanna do it, so instead of making a video in which everybody’s positive, I want to make a video where everybody’s really negative about the experience.” He said yes without questioning it for a second… When I shot the video with Mike it was me, Yiannis and Eoin Maher, who did Filmmaking at LFS as well, and Mike who was just really hilarious. It was a lot of fun. Mike’s always been incredibly kind and supportive. He’s got a really good sense of humour. It’s the thing I love about his work to be honest.

S.M: Have you found it cathartic making such personal work based on your own life?

B.B: Unless you’re very good at what you do, this is just my advice, you can hide everything but what you do has to at some point be personal and resonate. Deconstruct any movie ever, like every movie Wes Anderson ever made is basically about his father walking out on his family, even though you don’t always realise it. It’s all about masculinity. It’s that thing that all your faults are your strongest features. I definitely find it therapeutic and I definitely think you deal with stuff. Spielberg says that it’s the only job where you get paid for therapy. I think that’s a great quote because it’s true in a way. Especially if you can’t afford therapy!

S.M: What do you think was the most important thing that LFS taught you?

B.B: The main revelation was that, whenever anybody goes into anything, doesn’t matter if it’s school, college or university, everybody comes in with a competitive nature that they’re going to be the best. Being competitive with yourself and wanting to make the best work is amazing, that’s the best way to be. But anybody else, whether they’re a director or whatever, should be your friends and your peer group, people that will help you. You basically have a support network with other filmmakers. That was really helpful, because it felt like you had a cheerleading squad and you could also do it for other people and you’d be really grateful. And that’s the industry – you’re not really in competition because nobody’s going to make the same film as you. You learn that very quickly at LFS because there’s people making such different work and you can really appreciate it. Then those people can come and work and collaborate on something you’re making, and you make something different and everybody learns from each other. Definitely the international vibe really helps as well. I was one of very few Brits and that was really nice, because obviously in Newcastle it’s mostly just people from there. In my term I had Yiannis from Greece, Pauline who was French, Rodrigo who was Mexican, Habib who’s American … it was really nice. I enjoyed it. Everybody’s great! Working with happy, positive people who feel comfortable in a nice environment is what makes the best work. And I think that’s what comes from having so many passionate people at LFS. It was a life-changing opportunity.

[mindlessly-meme]

This was requested as a drabble but i started writting and now i just decided to make it a one shot.

~

He was in shock. He was absolutely astonished, amazed, stunned, and about a thousand other synonyms for shocked. The object in Steve’s hand had the power to change his entire life, and the lives of those around him.

Could it be? Was it possible?

Stumbling into the living room, he stared forward, barely processing the questions being thrown at him from his teammates.

Bucky, Tony, Sam, Clint, and Bruce all exchanged concerned glances with each other. What could have possibly brought the practically unstoppable super soldier to a gaping mess?

The object in Steve’s hand was heavy despite it being made of only thin plastic, and as he finally managed to get this thoughts in some sort of order, a smile graced his lips, and he held up the object.

In his hand was a positive pregnancy test.

~Approximately 12 hours earlier~

You howled in laughter, holding onto your friends arm to keep yourself upright as you stumbled in your heels into the club. The lights flashed to the beat of the loud music and you could hardly hear the voices of your friends as they gestured towards an empty booth.

Sliding in, someone ordered some shots, and the party went on.

What had started as an innocent dinner with your old college friends, turned into drinks, which turned into wasted bar hopping.

And everyone knows when a group of girls get past a certain point of drunkenness, the good stuff starts coming out.

“C'mon (Y/n) you’re the only one left, don’t hold back any details.” Your friend called over the thumping music.

You snorted into your drink. The drunk part of you wanted to tell them everything, I mean who didn’t want to brag about how amazing their superhero boyfriend was in bed, but the sober part of you (as small as it was) still new better.

“Well, lets just say, he is not nearly as innocent as people like to assume he is.” you smirked as the girls lets out whistles and shrieks of laughter.

Your best friend, (f/n), did a fake overdramatic swoon, “Ugh, what I would give. Me and my man got in a fight the other week and he hasn’t touched me since.”

“Damn girl what did you do?” you laughed.

“Oh, (Y/n) you’ll get a kick out of this,” she chuckled, reaching into her purse and tossing your something across the table.

You eyes widened at the positive pregnancy test in your hands, “Oh my god, (f/n) are you- “

“No no, its fake!” she cried shaking her head, “I tricked my boyfriend and he did not find it as funny as I did.” she chuckled.

Suddenly one of your other friends cut in, “Oh my god, (Y/n), you have to do that to Steve!”

The table erupted into shouts of agreement and you tucked the test into your bag, quickly forgetting about it as the subject shifted to the topic of the bartender who had apparently been giving you looks since you sat down.

Hours later, you stumbled into the tower, hardly remembering how you arrived there, and tried to make your way to the room you shared with Steve. You barely made it to the living room before flopping down onto the couch, content with sleeping there that night, but luckily FRIDAY let Steve know of you position.

When he walked out and saw you face down on the couch, your hair a mess, your dress riding dangerously high on your thighs, and heels hanging off your feet, he couldn’t help but laugh before he gently shook you awake, “(Y/n), doll, c'mon I’m gonna take you to bed.” he whispered.

“How romantic,” you purred looking up at him.

He laughed and scooped you up into his arms as you giggled into his chest, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He mumbled, kissing your forehead as he set you on the bed before slipping off your shoes. He managed to slide off your cocktail dress before you latched onto him again.

“Are you trying to initiate something with me Captain?” you hummed.

“If you’re still feeling up to it in the morning, then I’d be happy to initiate, but for now you need to sleep.” he said, and while he was almost positive you didn’t hear a word he said, you let him help you into your pajamas. All while looking at him with those beautiful (e/c) eyes and a sensual smirk, like you had something planned.

The second he joined you in the bed, you jumped onto him and passionately pressed your lips to his.

Crawling ontop of him you deepened the kiss and ran your hands through his hair.

“Mmh, (Y/n), you need, to, sleep.” Steve mumbled through the kisses. After a few moments, you pulled back with a satisfied look in your eyes, flushed cheeks, and swollen red lips. It took all of his self control not to pull you back into another kiss.

Placing small smooches on his jaw and neck, you snuggled into his side, “G’night Steve.”

He smiled down at you, “Good night (Y/n).”

When Steve woke up again, it was due to a combination of your moaning and his alarm clock. He quickly rolled over and shut off the beeping, causing you to let out a sigh of relief and pull the blankets over your head to block out the morning sun.

“How are you feeling doll?” Steve chuckled as he sat up.

“I think I’m dying,” You groaned in response.

“So I’m guessing you don’t want to join me on my morning run?” he asked.

“Just the thought of that it making me nauseous.” You grumbled, your face pressed into the pillow.

He placed a gently kiss on the back of your head as he got up, “I’ll be back in a little bit, ok?”

All he got in response was another groan.

Walking out of your room, Steve made his way into the living room, smiling at Natasha who was sitting with her coffee.

“Morning.” she smiled, “How’s (Y/n)? I heard her stumbling in late last night.”

“Not good,” he said shaking his head.

“I’ll take her to breakfast, get her some fresh air and hangover food.”

“Thanks Nat.”

“No problem Cap.”

Hours later, after a long run, Steve returned to the tower to find his and your room empty. Walking in, he stumbled over your purse, which was laying on the ground where you had dropped it last night. And out of it came the small stick that cause Captain America to completely freeze up. And that brings us to where we are now.

The men in the room all gaped at the pregnancy test.

“Is that…” Sam mumbled.

“Steve, is that (Y/n)’s?” Tony asked, taking the test from his hands, only for Steve to grab it right back.

“It fell out of her purse…I mean, why else would she have it?”

Bucky chuckled, slapping his best friend on the back, “Congrats punk.” he said, beaming with happiness for him.

“God, can you imagine, having a little baby crawling around here? Ohh, I can make it a little suit!” Tony said.

“No, my kid is not going anywhere near your suits.”

“What names are you thinking of?”

“Do you think it will be a boy or a girl?”

“I call being the godfather!”

“Ha, we both know I will be the godfather!”

The group gushed over the possible baby like a group of middle aged women which was a very weird sight for you, Nat, and Wanda to see when you walked back in from breakfast.

“Uh, what’s going on here?” Wanda asked.

“I have no idea.” You said back.

Suddenly, Bucky’s eyes met yours, and he quickly spun Steve around so he was facing you.

Your boyfriend’s face absolutely lit up when he saw you standing there. He always looked at you with eyes full of love and adoration, but this was a whole other level.

“(Y/n).” he said in what was a mix of a sigh and a laugh. He scoops you up into his arms and hugged you tightly, but gently.

“Nope, still hungover, don’t squeeze me too hard.” You laughed, and he set you down, “What’s gotten into you?”

“I, uh,” he took a deep breath, “I found this.” He held up the pregnancy test, and you physically felt your soul leave your body.

“Oh…Oh no no, Steve that that’s not-” you stammered.

“(Y/n)! Why didn’t you tell us!” Natasha asked.

You were bombarded with questions from the team, ranging from how far along you were, to whether or not it was from that time Tony walked in on you gettin it on while you two were skinny dipping in the hot tub (but that’s a whole story on its own).

Looking around the room, your eyes met Wanda’s, and judging by the nervous look on her face, she knew the truth.

“Guys.” You said, but it was lost in the commotion, “Guys listen!” you shouted.

They quieted down, and you looked hesitantly at your Boyfriend, the look of excitement in his eyes broke your heart, “Steve, that’s not real.” you sighed, closing your eyes so you wouldn’t have to see his reaction. But you didn’t need to, you could hear the heartbreak in his voice.

“What…?”

“I’m sorry, my friend gave it to me last night as a joke and I completely forgot about it and…” you trailed off, looking into his eyes, “I’m sorry.”

It was silent for a moment as what yoy said sunk in. Then he spoke up, “Th-that’s ok (Y/n),” he said with a sad smile, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have made a big deal about it. I should have asked you about it first.”

With a tight lipped smile, he awkwardly left the room.

The team stood in a stunned silence, and you sighed rubbing your face before following Steve.

It took you a bit to find him, he wasn’t in your room, or in the gym, or anywhere else you could think until you finally found him on the balcony looking out over the city. The fake test was sitting next to him.

“Steve, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even brought that home.” You stood next to him,  melting into his side and he put his arm around you.

“It’s not your fault. I just got excited I guess.” he said, laughing a bit.

“I didn’t know you wanted kids so bad.”

“Either did I. I guess when I saw it there and thought you were pregnant, I realized how much I love you. And thinking of it all, it just made me excited. And…if you want to, I love to have kids with you.”

“I would love to have kids with you too," you smiled up at him, and he leaned down to kiss you, “And you know, we do it so often I wouldn’t be surprised it I really was pregnant and just didn’t know it.” you winked up at him, “But, just to seal the deal, maybe we should recreate that time in the hot tub.”

~

Not really feeling that ending but whatevs. I am slowly getting through all my requests so there should be more coming soon. Hope you enjoy!!

[iolitewitchcraft]

How to Buy Crystals from Any Source

A few times now, in my Mineral Mondays posts, I’ve mentioned trusting your seller.

But sometimes, sellers can’t give you correct information about your crystal. So in this post, I’ll break it down and discuss what to look for (and what to be cautious of) when you’re buying.

Crystal Shops

Crystal shops are great. I’m guilty of visiting crystal shops in my area almost every weekend (I even work at them sometimes!). My favorite part about them is they often have no idea what they have. This can be both a positive and a negative. See, if a seller has no idea what they’re really selling, you might find things like iolite to be ridiculously overpriced, but mixed in with those iolite crystals there might be a rare bloodshot iolite that would sell for far more somewhere else. 

However, crystal shops are often guilty of selling things as more valuable stones, when in reality they’re just quartz, glass, or even plastic. This is not the fault of the seller in almost every case. Because crystal shop owners usually focus on the spiritual and magickal side of crystals, they aren’t able to immediately pick up on their suppliers selling them “fake” stones. Usually, it’s not even directly their supplier that’s getting sneaky - it’s someone way further up the line. However, shops have a responsibility to know what they’re selling - if this happens to you, bring it to the attention of the shop owner. A good shop will listen and resolve the issue, while an untrustworthy shop might try to make excuses.

Here are some things to look out for at crystal shops:

❌ Sellers who push really hard to get you to buy, or generally give you weird vibes while selling you a stone. Trust your gut! ✔️ Sellers who are willing to admit that they don’t know. A seller honest about not knowing is usually also honest with what they do know. ❌ Sellers who try to guilt you into buying a stone you don’t want (”Don’t pick it because of the color, it’s the energy that’s important!” If I want color, let me buy for the color).  ✔️ Sellers who also carry small specimens behind the counter. If they’re selling the more rare and valuable stuff, they probably have at least a vague idea of what they have. ❌ Prices that are too good to be true. As much as we’d love to believe they are, no one is selling you a fine ruby for just $40, nor are they selling you that rare phosphophyllite for $12. ✔️ On the other hand, prices that are all over the place can be a good sign if you’ve educated yourself. It indicates a somewhat clueless seller, and if you know more than the seller, you can look for bargain prices.

Online Crystal Shops

I am so sorry to tell you this, guys, but I would almost never buy anything rarer than fluorite from an online crystal shop. 

Why? Because, first of all, they usually never carry anything rarer than fluorite, so it’d be hard to find. Secondly, when you combine the lack of knowledge from a brick-and-mortar crystal shop with the inability to see and handle your crystal before purchasing it, you’re way more likely to end up with something you didn’t want. Plus, shipping costs ramp up the prices so much sometimes that it’s just not worth it. 

However, I understand that you might be low on spoons, or not have a shop in your area, or something like that. So maybe you’re going to buy online. While there are better sources than crystal shops, sometimes something just calls to you. That’s okay. Here are some pointers to help you make sure your online crystal shop is trustworthy:

❌ High prices for subvarieties of amethyst. I like to use amethyst as an “indicator stone”, because in almost any form, it’s not particularly rare or valuable. A piece of chevron amethyst should be priced the same as a piece of regular amethyst. If the pricing is very different, consider looking elsewhere. ✔️ A clean, intuitive website interface. If they’re upfront about what they sell, and appear trustworthy and customer-oriented, they’re more likely to be trustworthy. ❌ Easily corrected errors and/or trying to make certain information difficult to find. Are they spelling fluorite ‘flourite’? What about selling both green amethyst and praseolite (the exact same stone) for different prices? Those could be mistakes, yeah, but if they repeatedly make errors like that, they probably simply aren’t educated about what they’re selling, so it’s more likely they’ll have been fooled somewhere higher up on the buying chain. ✔️ Providing lots of information on the stones they carry. Where were they mined? While it’s often impossible to answer that question, if they can tell you a probable source, they’ve likely done their research. ❌ Photographs that aren’t of the exact stone you’re buying. I get it, sometimes it’s easier to take a picture of one and say “all the others are similar”. For tumbled stones it’s usually fine. But rough crystals especially are all so unique, and you want to know exactly what you’re getting.

Online Mineral Shops and Auctions

These are one of my favorite sources for rare, unusual, and high-quality stones. Unlike online crystal shops, they’re not only selling to the average person - they’re selling to people who have been in the gem and jewelry industry for years, people who are trained mineralogists and gemologists, and people who have the power and influence to cause a lot of problems for the company if they’re deceived. 

This means that most of these places are forced to be trustworthy. Also, they usually carry some really cool stuff, sometimes at incredible prices. However, because these are geared towards a different audience of buyers, the gemstones will generally be higher quality and therefore more expensive. If a quartz crystal or a tumbled apatite is what you’re looking for, it probably isn’t worth it to shop at these places. But if you want a benitoite, a faceted cerussite, or something equally rare and unusual, you’ll have better luck finding it here. Also, check if your auction site has a no reserve section - you might be able to buy a stone for an amazingly low price.

Here are some pointers to help you find a trustworthy online mineral store:

❌ It’s small or not a well-known website. Sometimes these little sites are “diamonds in the rough” (hehe) but for the most part, I prefer to stay away from them. There are exceptions. Good, honest smaller companies are definitely out there, and if you prefer to support these, great! Just be extra-critical when choosing a smaller website to buy from. ✔️ Sellers on the auction site must be verified to sell. This means the auction site has checked that the sellers they’re hosting are legit, and they aren’t ripping people off.  ❌ There’s no way to easily contact your seller. If you can’t talk to them, you won’t be able to get a feel for whether they’re honest. This is most important for independently owned online shops (less important for auction sites).  ✔️ Lots of information is provided about each and every stone. Unless you’re buying in bulk (in which case they should give averages and approximations), you should be able to access clear pictures, the dimensions of your stone (and/or the carat weight), and a description of its color, clarity, and general appearance. ❌ The seller advertises that there’s been a new deposit of the crystal found, or makes another similar claim - word travels fast in the gem world, and if a quick Google search shows nothing but their site, it’s probably a scam.

My personal favorite online gemstone auction site is Gem Rock Auctions.

Jewelry Stores and Gemstone/Mineral Shops

Despite their reputation, most jewelry stores are trustworthy. It’s just that when one does try to scam their customers, it’s all over the news, so it makes the bad stores seem way more common than they are (like a lot of things these days, actually. But I won’t get into that). Still, it’s good to be educated and prepared.

I know these two kinds of stores are pretty different and I’ve lumped them together, but they’re sort of similar in the “red flags” and “green flags” to look out for. Keep in mind some jewelry stores will have pushier “car salesman” style selling techniques. This is simply due to the value of the items they’re selling, and the need to keep their store running - insurance on those diamonds can get expensive, and they have to pay the bills! Don’t let these selling techniques guilt you into buying, though. Don’t buy unless you’re comfortable and ready.

❌ The seller is too pushy and makes you uncomfortable. A little pushiness is okay, because that’s often how jewelry salespeople are trained, but they should be able to sense if it’s making you uncomfortable and tone it down.  ✔️ The seller is open and happy to tell you as much as they can about the gemstone you’re buying.  ❌ The seller doesn’t answer your questions. Sometimes, a seller who isn’t knowledgeable will dodge questions, or hesitate and make up an almost-answer. Listen carefully and think critically. Remember that “I don’t know” is a valid answer - a seller who says “I don’t know” is far more trustworthy than one who spews a bunch of information but can’t explain any of it. ✔️ Specimens are labeled clearly with the name of the mineral and the source. Sometimes the source is unknown - if so, the seller should be clear about this as well, and perhaps offer some possibilities. Jewelry store salespeople may be able to tell you the sources for their diamonds, rubies, sapphires, and emeralds. If so, great! If not, it normally isn’t a big deal. ❌ Sellers don’t disclose important things about your stone. Disclosure is super important - if they can’t answer “what should I know about caring for this stone?” you might need to think twice about buying from them. ✔️ The seller allows you to speak and voice your opinions. Maybe this isn’t really a deciding factor, but I know that when I shop for stones, if a seller is rude and talks over me, I just won’t buy from them. A seller who is polite and passionate about what they’re selling is much more trustworthy.

Sellers at Gem and Mineral Shows

Gem and mineral shows are my absolute favorite place for buying gems and crystals. 100%, hands down, my favorite. I love them.

Why? You see a mix of people from all of the above backgrounds. You see a huge variety of stones in one place. Prices are usually amazing. Sellers are trustworthy and knowledgeable. Plus, they’re usually crowded with people just like you - geeking out over all these amazing crystals!

So, what to look for?

✔️ Sellers who are happy to answer your questions about their stones. ✔️ Everything is clearly labeled and easy to see (but you might have to ask). ✔️ Sellers only bring out a few stones at a time if they’re in a case. If they throw the whole lot on the counter and turn around to help someone else, I’d raise an eyebrow at the value of their merchandise. ✔️ Sellers who are happy to point you to other sellers at the show if they don’t have what you’re looking for, but the other seller might. ❌ The seller ignores you or is very dismissive of you because you’re young, aren’t wearing expensive-looking clothing, are with a friend, or any other similar reason. Sellers have lost business from me for this, because I am young, and I often dress casually to these events, so I'm often ignored in favor of people who look like they have more money. 

Other Sources

Eventually, you may come across a source I didn’t go over here. You may make contact directly with a gem dealer, or you might end up at an estate sale. Museum gift shops are also a great source for crystals. Since I can’t cover literally every possible place you might buy a crystal, the best advice I can give is to always think critically about what the seller tells you, and look at the crystal carefully (learn about that particular crystal first, if you can) before you buy.

In General

Educate yourself as much as you can about the stone before spending any significant amount on it. The internet is a great resource!

If the price is too good to be true, it probably is.

Except no-reserve auctions! Check these for amazingly low prices.

Most sellers are trustworthy, because in such a small industry, reputation is everything.

Ask questions - sellers should be happy to answer.

“I don’t know” is a good answer.

The seller’s top priority should be making you feel comfortable and confident in your purchase.

If something feels off, don’t buy.