eclipse-song · 2 years ago
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I can't stop thinking about a tweet I saw a few days ago commenting on some completely unsourced comment on the Rider wiki. It was trying to say Kobayashi hated showa rider and coming up with a whole conspiracy theory on hating Inoue because his dad wrote a lot of Showa rider and this made him not like her. It was all pretty ridiculous and a lot of people were laughing at it as they rightfully should. But...idk it got me thinking about how toku fans especially have a tendency to form a lot of strong personalities and ideas about these writers that we quite frankly....don't know much about personally. Especially when many people are basing these ideas off of their writing, which I know from my work, it's broadcasters and producers who have a lot more say on story direction. Depending on the production, the writer is sometimes even working until they create something they dislike but pleases the client.
Kobayashi has very few interviews to be found but most of them indicate she has no problem working with certain people, and honestly it would be fairly unprofessional to outwardly state that she did in the middle of an interview. She's even expressed how she and Inoue have quite similar writing processes in one that I did happen to read.
and for Inoue...I feel like I maybe just have this very glass half full mentality or at least a tendency to assume the best of people but....I get confused by how a lot of people in toku fandom talk about Inoue. Like the guy isn't without fault but also I see people talk about him like he is malicious and intentionally seeking to harm people when everything I've read about him is that staff and coworkers of all ages have had extremely good experiences with him. He's old and in his 60s and can put his foot in his mouth sometimes (like the rtr question in that one livestream he did say he thought it was a bit ridiculous to have two Kam riders having gay sex) but also in that same answer he said he wanted to do something he wouldn't be allowed to show on TV which is equally true. He also in other places has said a major reason was simply that he thinks Tezuka's actor is a good looking man. There's also the fact he's been writing queer storylines in shows since the 80s (dirty pair trans episode is legit a banger episode) and in the zio vs decade stuff he has Heure and Ora have a meaningful conversation about how it's perfectly fine to be a boy who likes other boys. IDK! I think those aren't really the actions of a person who is actively looking to harm people, it reads a lot more to me as a 60 year old man who is making some genuine attempts at shaking things up and is just sort of missing the mark in places. Him being a 60 year old cis dude is also where I just go “yeah that’s why he writes a lot of women like that” though he does have some stand out characters as well who can be excellent. He reminds me of a lot of my old uncles who are ultimately well meaning but just say shit sometimes. Along with the fact he said he's attracted to people regardless of gender I don't see him really as some huge big bad villain who's "queer baiting" or any of that nonsense.
Ultimately this is a conversation that happens at my workplace a lot these days too which is why it makes me feel some type of way. Directors and story artists and writers I've met who have been painted as not so nice turn out to be lovely people who've had their actions misconstrued. Then I've met people who I've been rather excited to work with and ended up severely disappointed in their behavior. I just can't help but feel it's really strange to have tons of focus on writers who we mostly know through their work that they're paid to do according to how some client wants it. I've definitely been guilty of this in the past but formulating personalities of strangers we don't know, especially when painting them in a wholly bad light, is just sort of uncomfortable to me.
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salsflore · 1 year ago
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there has to be something wrong with me 😂
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gibbearish · 8 months ago
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ive always had issues with the term "terminally online" mostly because of how it swiftly devolved to just mean "anyone online i disagree with", however recently it did finally click for me when someone messaged me about my aaron bushnell posts and ended it with "yeah idk i just think it would've done more good for him to stay alive and donate to esims for gaza" bc i just. like. where do you even start with that. like that to me is an opinion that cannot come from anywhere other than having your entire frame of reference for activism and the united states military be gathered online. you really think someone who thought they had to /kill themselves/ to avoid /active contributions to genocide/ would've done more good just. keeping their head down and doing what they were told and throwing a spare couple dollars at the esims fund? do you think you know more about the harm he was helping do than he did, that you can speculate on how best to outweigh it? do you think if "donate to esims" was actually a more productive option he wouldnt have picked that before SELF IMMOLATION???? and like ive since blocked that person because of some other issues but. it took quite literally everything in me not to say anything about it in the moment
#origibberish#and like obv donating is helpful but like. idk it just struck me as immensely presumptuous and just. so far disconnected from the actual#issue that i just sat there staring at the message box for like 30 seconds before i tried to start responding#also this absolutely isnt to say that suicide was the best option#its to say when you know nothing about a person except that they thought they were doing so much harm that#suicide was the only way to stop it. it strikes me as pretty fuckin weird to assume you know more about how he couldve done better#and like i can see how they got there‚ donating to esims is pretty much all /we/ can do to help so i can see that sinking in as like#a requirement? but idk#at a certain point you have to ackowledge that that kind of thing is like. the online help. thats the help you do if you have no way to#directly effect things. it's helpful but it's also a way to let people /feel/ like theyre helping‚ to feel less helpless abt it#it's the barest minimum assistance a completely uninvolved person can give. it is not a magical end genocide spell where#if enough people do it that WILL fix things#like. it's just the airbag. the crash is still happening. having more airbags won't stop the crash and you're yelling at the driver for#choosing to jump out of the flaming wreckage rather than buy more airbags#like. it's the barest minimum. therefore i really dont think it wouldve outweighed an active contributor continuing to contribute.#and like i know nothing about his position or what those contributions mightve been but thats my point is that#i know nothing except that /he/ thought it was bad enough that it was worth doing this#and then i ask myself how bad something i was being made to do would have to be for me to take that route out#and i go 'wow yeah it was probably pretty fuckin bad'#idk. idk what my point in posting this really is except that its been weighing on my mind since the convo#i feel like part of it too is like. a reaction to the weird glorification of him#like some peoples reaction has been 'wow what a hero' and so people are rushing to go 'no suicide is never heroic its always bad' and im#just like. hey. maybe we shouldnt assign a moral value in either direction to deciding not to be alive anymore.#maybe deciding not to live should be considered an entirely personal decision given that the person it effects#most is that fucking person. maybe we need a refresher course on how bodily autonomy also includes things#you personally disagree with and that self harm and suicide are not exempt from that.#because like saying 'suicide is Bad And Evil' doesnt make suicidal people Less Suicidal#it just makes them feel even worse about themselves for something they dont have control over#and conversely ive seen posts being like 'im suicidal and this glorification of him almost made me commit‚ you people#almost killed me' and im like. no u dont get to say that‚ if this is effecting ur mental health its ur responsibility to log off
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tainsan · 7 months ago
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misfits XIII
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⇥ pairing: ot8 ateez x fem! reader
⇥ warnings: self deprication but thats it I think :O, mentions of suggestive content
⇥ word count: 9.1k
⇥ a/n: hello guys, it has been a while. sorry for my inactivity and all the people waiting for new chapters, i havent been very well the past few months. i am okay though!! i hope you enjoy this chapter even though it is somewhat of a filler
⇢ masterlist ⇠
previous chapter ⇠ ⇢ next chapter...
Finishing typing the last sentence of your assignment, a sense of accomplishment washes over you. But even in that moment of triumph, the proposition from your roommates continues to occupy your thoughts. It had been a distraction throughout the day, and it had affected your ability to concentrate on your work.
The internal struggle you are experiencing is rooted in a mix of emotions. You yearned for the affection and love your roommates offered, wanting to be part of a relationship that felt incredibly meaningful. But doubts lingered in the back of your mind, like shadows in the corners of your thoughts.
‘Am I good enough?’ The question had haunted you throughout the day. You wondered if you were deserving of their affections, if you could truly measure up to their standards. Insecurity gnaws at you, and you can’t help but compare yourself to the admirers and fans your roommates had.
The cryptic message you had received added another layer of uncertainty. You were aware of the intense scrutiny and potential backlash that came with being in a relationship with the ‘famous’ campus group. The fear of facing hate and criticism from others weighs heavily on your mind, making you wonder if you have the strength to endure it.
Your curtains are open, allowing the dim, amber light from the streetlights outside to filter into your room. It's nighttime, and the glow of the streetlights casts soft, gentle patterns on your walls. The air in your room is crisp, and the faint aroma of dinner cooking wafts through the air, creating a cosy and inviting atmosphere. Your laptop sits on your desk, its screen illuminating your face as you sit in quiet contemplation, lost in your thoughts and the gentle ambiance of the night.
Closing your laptop, your roommates' proposition still loomed large, a complex and challenging choice that required careful consideration. You knew that the path ahead wouldn't be easy, but you also knew that your feelings for them were genuine and deep. 
Suddenly, a knock resounds on your door.
"____, dinner is ready," San's voice reaches you through the wooden door.
You close your laptop and push back your chair, acknowledging his call. "Coming," you respond, but the weakness in your voice doesn't escape San's notice.
Stepping out of your room, you find San waiting for you in the hallway, his brow furrowed and concern evident in his eyes.
"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice gentle, as he takes in the change in your usual behaviour.
You pause for a moment, meeting San's gaze with a mixture of gratitude and apprehension. It is clear that he sensed something was amiss, and you appreciated his concern. You manage a faint smile, but it doesn't quite reach your eyes as you offer a reassuring nod. 
"I'm fine," you say, a small white lie slipping past your lips. You didn't want to burden San with your worries or concerns, not when they were already so caring and supportive.
“You aren't good at lying, sweetheart.” San's expression remains filled with concern, the nickname making your heart skip a beat. 
"It's nothing, San," you say with a forced smile, though it doesn't quite reach your eyes. You walk past him into the dining room without making much eye contact, leaving him with a gnawing feeling of concern in the pit of his stomach.
San watches you go, his brows furrowing deeper with worry. He knows you well enough to sense when something is wrong, and tonight, something definitely doesn't seem right. Your usual enthusiasm and energy have been replaced by a quiet reserve that's completely out of character.
As he makes his way to the kitchen, he can't help but feel a growing unease. San has come to know that you have a tendency to keep your worries to yourself, often trying to spare others from your burdens. But tonight, it feels different, and he can't shake the feeling that you might be going through something you're not sharing.
In the kitchen, he finds Hongjoong, who's busy with some last-minute preparations for dinner. San doesn't waste any time and approaches him, his voice low and filled with concern. 
"Hey, Joong, have you noticed anything strange about ____? She's been acting really off tonight."
Hongjoong, focused on his task, pauses and looks at San, his brows furrowing in response to the worried tone in San's voice. 
"Off? What do you mean?"
San briefly explains how you've been unusually quiet and distant, and how your smile seems forced. Hongjoong's expression shifts from curiosity to deep concern as he listens.
"Thanks for letting me know, San," Hongjoong says, his own worry now evident. He sets down the utensils he was holding and sighs, his thoughts consumed by concern for you. "We should keep an eye on her. Maybe after dinner, we can talk to her and see if there's anything she wants to share, just in case there’s something bothering her.."
Just as they're discussing their concerns, Mingi, who had been in the hallway and overhears their conversation, joins them with a troubled expression. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but the gravity of the situation had drawn him in.
"What's going on, guys?" Mingi asks, his voice laced with worry. "Is something wrong with ____?"
San and Hongjoong exchange a glance, realising that their concerns had been overheard. Hongjoong explains the situation to Mingi, filling him in on your unusual behaviour and the sense of unease that had settled over the house.
Mingi's expression darkens with worry, as Hongjoong and San scurry to continue preparing for dinner, Mingi takes a deep breath, feeling the weight of his words pressing on him. He clears his throat, his voice steady but filled with concern.
"I've noticed it too," Mingi begins, his eyes darting between San and Hongjoong. “She was really quiet when we walked home today, usually she talks about her day in detail…”
Mingi’s voice trails off and Hongjoong notices he has more to say.
“What is it, Mingi?” He asks, concerned.
"I can’t help thinking about what she told us the other day, about her depression and the night up on the rooftop.”
San leans against the counter, his brow furrowed in sadness as he remembers your heart piercing words. 
“I'm worried that whatever's bothering her tonight might be related to that. I hope it's nothing too serious, but... I can't help but worry if it's making her have those thoughts again.” Mingi lowers his voice and walks towards the two, “her anxiety has been really bad recently, she had an extreme anxiety attack a while ago, I thought her mind had slipped completely."
San and Hongjoong exchange glances, their worry deepening as they absorb Mingi's revelation.
Hongjoong nods, his expression determined. "We need to talk to her, then. Make sure she knows we're here for her, no matter what."
Mingi and San both agree, and their shared worry for you becomes the driving force behind their preparations for dinner. They want tonight to be an opportunity for you to open up, to share whatever is weighing on your mind, and to remind you that you're not alone in this journey. Mental health is something they take seriously, and they're ready to offer their support in any way they can.
Seonghwa, who is seated beside you, shoots you a concerned glance as he notices your quietness as you enter the room, along with your distant expression. 
"Hey," he says softly, reaching out to gently touch your hand. "Is everything okay?"
You blink, snapping out of your thoughts and offer Seonghwa a faint smile. "Yeah, I'm just... thinking," you reply, your voice trailing off as you continue to wrestle with your internal turmoil.
Across from you, Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Jongho exchange worried glances, their usual lively banter subdued by the palpable tension that seems to emanate from you. They had all picked up on your unease the second you entered the room and were extremely concerned about your well-being.
Yeosang, who is sitting at the head of the table, clears his throat and speaks up, his voice gentle yet filled with genuine concern. "You've been really quiet today. Is there something on your mind?"
You glanced around the table at the faces of your roommates, each one displaying a mix of worry and care. They have been so patient and understanding, and you can’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude for the bonds you had formed with them over time. You appreciate their concern, yet it feels almost overwhelming for them to be questioning you.
Taking a deep breath, you realise that they will likely not drop the situation until they have an answer. 
"Just a busy day," you reply, attempting to brush off their concern with a forced smile. However, you know that your roommates can see right through your facade. 
"You can't lie very well," Jongho's soft voice speaks up from in front of you, his eyes holding a gentle concern that's difficult to ignore. You can feel the weight of his worry pressing down on you, and it only intensifies your own anxieties. 
Before you can respond, the atmosphere in the room shifts noticeably. San, Mingi, and Hongjoong enter the dining area, their faces reflecting the tension in the room. They exchange quick glances, and it's clear that the others have noticed your change in demeanour.
Wooyoung, Yeosang, Seonghwa, and Jongho keep their eyes on you, their worry palpable. They know you well enough to recognize when something is bothering you, and it's evident that your previous statement didn't satisfy their concerns. They exchange subtle glances with each other, a silent form of communication that you're all too familiar with.
You continue to insist that you're okay, not wanting your concerns to burden them. You don't want them to know about the malicious messages you've been receiving, along with the fear of not being good enough. You were on the verge of saying yes to their proposition until those messages arrived, and they've left you feeling frightened and uncertain.
Despite your attempts to reassure everyone, they keep pressing you, their genuine concern for your well-being on full display. 
San leans in slightly closer, his eyes searching yours as he says, "love, we're just worried about you. You don't seem like yourself tonight."
Mingi adds, "Yeah, you're usually the one who brings the energy to the group. We hate to see you like this."
Hongjoong chimes in, "If something's bothering you, you can always talk to us. We're here for you."
Seonghwa nods in agreement, his expression soft and caring. "You don't have to carry your burdens alone, ____."
As their questions and probing looks continue, you can feel your patience wearing thin. You're caught in a whirlwind of emotions, torn between wanting to open up and fearing their reaction to your struggles. The thought of burdening them with your problems only adds to your anxiety.
Finally, you stand up, your irritation bubbling to the surface. "I said I'm fine, okay?" 
Your voice is sharper than you intended, and you can see the hurt in their eyes. You immediately regret your outburst, but the pressure of the situation has become too much to bear. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to…”
Without another word, you turn and walk out of the room, the sounds of their worried whispers following you like a haunting melody.
Leaving the dining room, the tense atmosphere you've left behind still lingers in your mind. You're not sure where you're going or what you plan to do; you just need to escape the overwhelming concern of your roommates for a moment.
However, as you turn the corner towards your room, you unexpectedly bump into Yunho, who seems to be on his way out of his bedroom. His eyes immediately catch the distress on your face, and he can sense that something is wrong.
"Tiny, wait," Yunho calls out, his voice laced with worry as he takes a step towards you, trying to scan what is happening.
But you're already moving, your steps quick and determined. You can't handle the concern of another person right now, not when you're struggling to hold yourself together. With a mumbled apology, you hurriedly walk past Yunho, your heart racing with a mixture of emotions. 
Yunho watches you for a moment, concern etched across his face, before realising that you're not going to stop. He knows he can't force you to talk if you're not ready, but he can't shake the feeling that something is seriously bothering you. Yunho makes his way to the dining room, his heart heavy.
Back in your room, you shut the door behind you, your heart heavy with a mixture of emotions. You're not hungry anymore, and the thoughts of the messages and your own insecurities continue to haunt you. The room feels suffocating as you wrestle with your fears, wishing you could find a way to escape them and open up to your roommates about what's truly been bothering you.
Meanwhile, in the dining room, your roommates are clearly unsettled by your abrupt departure and your obvious distress. They exchange concerned glances, their worry for you evident in their expressions. 
Mingi is the first to break the silence, his voice filled with unease. "I'm assuming you all notice something is very wrong?" he asks, his brow furrowing.
Seonghwa and Wooyoung nod in agreement, both clearly affected by your behaviour. 
Seonghwa speaks up, his voice soft but laced with concern. "She's been distant all day. I thought it was just stress or something, but this is different."
San clenches his fists, his frustration and guilt bubbling to the surface. "We should've noticed something was wrong. She's been dealing with something, and we didn't even realise it."
Wooyoung places a comforting hand on San's shoulder, trying to calm him down. "San, don't blame yourself. We all missed it. What's important now is figuring out what's going on and how we can help her."
Yunho chimes in, "You're right, Wooyoung. We need to support her. She's one of us, and we can't let her go through this alone."
Yeosang adds, "I agree. We think we should give her some space for now, but we can't just leave her like this."
Jongho, ever the caring and empathetic one, speaks softly, "Maybe we should send someone to talk to her. Make sure she's okay."
Hongjoong nods, considering the options. "I'll go."
Yeosang offers, "And bring her some food. She didn't eat anything, and skipping meals won't help."
With a unanimous decision to have Hongjoong talk to you, your roommates feel a mix of concern and hope. They know that Hongjoong's leadership and caring nature make him the right choice to approach you in this delicate situation. 
As they continue their meal, their thoughts are with you, hoping that you'll open up to Hongjoong and that whatever is troubling you can be resolved. They also feel a sense of unity and support among themselves, knowing that they'll be there for you no matter what. Hongjoong finishes his meal quickly, determined to check on you and make sure you're okay.
-
In the confines of your room, tears stream down your cheeks as you huddle beneath your sheets. The weight of your emotions presses heavily on your chest, making it hard to breathe. Negative thoughts swirl in your head, each one more self-doubting and destructive than the last.
“Why did I snap like that?” You question yourself, your voice barely a whisper amidst the tears. "They're going to think I'm a burden, that I can't handle this."
You bury your face in your pillow, muffling your sobs as you contemplate the possibility that your roommates might stop liking you because of your outburst. It's a fear that gnaws at your heart, leaving you feeling vulnerable and alone.
Thoughts of inadequacy and worthlessness swirl relentlessly in your mind. You replay the dinner table scene over and over, each time emphasising how you snapped and how you failed to explain what's been troubling you. The fear of being a burden gnaws at your soul, and you're convinced that your roommates must be tired of dealing with your issues.
"Why can't I just be normal?" you whisper to yourself, your voice trembling with self-recrimination. "Why can't I handle this like everyone else?"
The tears continue to flow, unabated, as you feel like you're drowning in a sea of self-criticism. You wish you could push these thoughts away, but they cling to you like a relentless storm, obscuring any glimmer of hope or positivity.
In this moment, you long for someone to rescue you from the darkness, to pull you out of this suffocating abyss of negativity. You crave understanding and acceptance, but the fear that you'll never find it keeps you locked in a cycle of despair, feeling more alone than ever.
Just as you feel like you're being swallowed whole by your negative thoughts, a faint but unmistakable knock on your door breaks through the darkness. It's a sound that pierces through the gloom like a ray of light, a glimmer of hope that someone cares enough to check on you.
With a shaky breath, you sit up in your bed, wiping away your tears as you call out, "Come in."
The door opens slowly, and Hongjoong steps into the room, his expression a mix of concern and understanding. His presence alone feels like a lifeline, something to cling to in the midst of your emotional turmoil. The moment his eyes land on your tear stained face, his heart tugs in his chest, feeling as if it dropped to his stomach.
"Hey," he says softly, his voice filled with compassion.
You swallow hard, your throat still constricted from crying, but you manage to find your voice. "I... I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. It's just... I've been feeling overwhelmed, and I didn't know how to explain it."
Hongjoong takes a step closer, his eyes filled with empathy. "Shh, you don't have to apologise. We all have our moments, and we care about you. You're not a burden, ____."
"I'm sorry, Hongjoong," you murmur, your voice heavy with emotions.
Hongjoong moves closer, his heart racing with the need to provide you with comfort. He stands before you at your bedside, hesitating for a moment before finally taking a seat beside you.
"Can I touch you?" he asks gently, his eyes filled with concern.
Looking at him, you see the glaze in his eyes. He looks nervous. You nod in response, granting him permission to offer his support. 
Hongjoong takes your hand in his, his touch warm and reassuring. His heart pounds in his chest, a silent declaration that he cares deeply about your well-being.
"You don't have to apologise, ____," he says softly, his voice filled with understanding. "We're here for each other, through the good times and the bad."
Your eyes meet his, and you can see the sincerity and compassion reflected in his gaze. It's a comfort to know that you have someone who genuinely cares about your struggles.
The contrast between the authoritative and sometimes stern Hongjoong you've seen before and the gentle, comforting side he's showing now is striking. It makes your heart flutter and leaves you feeling surprisingly vulnerable. 
You've always respected Hongjoong's leadership within your group of roommates. He exudes confidence and commands attention effortlessly. But seeing this softer, caring side of him makes you realise there's so much more to him than meets the eye. 
As he sits beside you, offering his support and understanding, you can't help but be drawn to him more than you have felt before. His caring demeanour is like a soothing remedy for your troubled soul, and you find yourself appreciating him even more.
"I appreciate you being here," you admit, your voice quivering with emotion.
Hongjoong responds with a warm, reassuring smile, his thumb gently caressing the back of your hand. 
"Anytime," he reassures you.
Hongjoong continues to offer you his comforting presence, yet he notices the lingering sadness in your eyes. He can tell that there's something more troubling you, something beyond what you've shared so far.
“I would appreciate knowing what is going on. We want to help you.”
You hesitate for a moment, struggling with whether or not to open up about the malicious messages. But his sincerity and the trust you've built in this vulnerable moment encourage you to share.
"It's…” you begin to talk, yet you feel the familiar pit of anxiety forming in your chest.
Hongjoong turns towards you, his worry evident as he scans your slightly shaking body.
“It’s okay ____.” 
“I want to say yes.” you say, “to be yours.”
The weight of your words settles in the air, and for a moment, time seems to stand still. Hongjoong's heart races, and the room feels charged with a new energy. Hearing you express your feelings for him so openly and sincerely is something he never expected, yet it's the most beautiful surprise he could have imagined.
His eyes lock onto yours, filled with a mixture of surprise, joy, and a deep, profound affection. He searches your gaze as if trying to read every emotion, every thought that lies beneath the surface. Yet when he sees the hurt expression on your face, he wonders what else you have to say.
“I don't know if I can.” 
The moment your words leave your lips, a heavy silence settles between you and Hongjoong. His expression shifts from one of hopeful anticipation to a mixture of surprise, disappointment, and hurt. It's as if the air has been sucked out of the room, leaving behind a palpable tension.
Hongjoong tries to find his words, but his voice catches in his throat, and for a brief moment, he can't meet your gaze. He looks away, his jaw clenched as he processes your rejection.
“I… I see.” he finally manages to say, “why… is that?”
“The messages," you finally admit, your voice shaky. 
Immediately Hongjoong is confused about your statement. He doesn't understand what the messages have to do with you rejecting him.
“What messages?”
You take a deep breath, your eyes welling up with tears as you try to explain. "I've been receiving some weird messages… about all of you.”
“What do you mean? What do they say?” 
“Well, I only got one, but it was strange.” 
You show Hongjoong the message, "have fun with my boys…" and you witness as Hongjoong's eyes narrow in recognition, and his fists clench even tighter. 
It feels as if his world is crashing down on him as he pieces together the puzzle. Hongjoong's expression morphs into one of anger, his jaw tensing as he absorbs your words. The protective instinct within him flares, and he clenches his fists, visibly seething. He knows exactly who sent the messages. Despite his rising anger, he remains composed in front of you, not wanting to further burden you with his own emotions.
"It's okay, just ignore that message," Hongjoong says, and though he attempts to conceal his anger, you can sense the underlying frustration in his tone.
Your curiosity gets the better of you, and you press, "Hongjoong?"
He takes a deep breath before continuing, "Don't let other people's opinions define our relationship. It's about us and no one else."
“Hongjoong, I’m scared of starting a relationship with you guys.”
Hongjoong's expression softens as he senses your vulnerability. He places a gentle hand on your shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze.
"I understand," he replies softly. "Starting a relationship with us might seem daunting, but remember that we care about you deeply. We'll be here every step of the way, and you don't have to face anything alone. Please don't worry about what others think. It is just us in this, no one else."
His words provide you with a sense of security, and you begin to realise that you have a strong support system with the boys.
You let out a sigh, your worries spilling out. "It's just... I'm afraid I'm not good enough for you guys. You're all so amazing, and I don't want to hold you back or bring any problems into your lives." voicing your worries, a wave of self-doubt begins to wash over you. 
Before you can delve further into your anxieties, Hongjoong moves with a surprising swiftness. He places a gentle hand under your chin, lifting your head to meet his eyes, effectively silencing your anxious thoughts. His touch is feather-light yet firm, a reassuring gesture that instantly grabs your attention.
A split second later, your breath catches as he leans down, his warm lips tenderly pressing against your forehead. The kiss feels like a soft promise, an unspoken reassurance that sends shivers down your spine. You're momentarily stunned by this unexpected display of affection, your heart racing in your chest.
Without any hesitation, he wraps his arms around you, pulling you close. The embrace is warm, secure, and filled with an undeniable tenderness that envelopes you entirely. It's as if his arms are a sanctuary, a place where your worries and doubts can find refuge.
"My treasure," he murmurs, his voice a gentle whisper against your ear. "You are more than good enough. You're unique and special in your own way. We care about you for who you are, not for any other reason. Please don't doubt yourself. We're here because we want to be, and we'll support you through everything. We love you."
In his embrace, you find refuge and a sense of belonging that you've been longing for. The weight of your worries slowly dissipates, replaced by the comforting warmth of Hongjoong's presence and the knowledge that you are cherished just as you are.
In his embrace, you begin to feel the weight of your worries slowly dissipate, replaced by a warm sense of belonging and acceptance.
"You love me?" You pose the question, the words hanging in the air, your heart racing with a mix of hope and trepidation. Hongjoong looks at you, his expression a blend of surprise and realisation, as if he's just spoken without fully thinking through his words.
Chuckling softly, he pulls away from you, a confident and sincere look on his face. 
"Yes, I do," he affirms, his voice steady and filled with genuine emotion, yet you can see he is nervous for your response.
“Hongjoong, I think I love you too.” you admit, your face flushing hot. 
“Fuck ____.” Hongjoong swears through his teeth, then looks away from you. You look at him confused, your eyes wide.
“What?” You ask, confused at his reaction, scared of what he will say.
Hongjoong turns to glance back at you, his eyes meeting yours, and in that moment, he feels as if he's teetering on the edge of losing his mind and sanity. 
Your wide, doe-like eyes, filled with a mix of curiosity and a hint of mischief, hold an inexplicable power over him. It's as though they can peer into the depths of his soul, unravelling the layers he's tried to keep hidden. He cannot seem to get over how adorable and innocent you look. The way your words have such an impact on him leaves his mind swirling with many thoughts.
“If you keep looking at me like that, I won't be able to hold back.”
His unexpected words leave you utterly shocked, the abruptness of the confession catching you off guard. Yet, the way they make you feel is nothing short of indescribable.
A rush of heat surges through you, starting from the tips of your fingers and toes, and spreading like wildfire throughout your body. Your cheeks flush as a wave of flustered embarrassment washes over you.
But beneath the shock and embarrassment, a more primal, intoxicating sensation takes hold. You feel an undeniable surge of desire, a raw, visceral attraction that courses through your veins. Your heart races in response to the unexpected intensity of the moment. Hongjoong's words have an electrifying effect on you, leaving you in a state of arousal that you can't quite ignore. It's as if the room has suddenly grown hotter, and every inch of your skin tingles with a newfound awareness of his presence.
In this moment of vulnerability and desire, you find yourself torn between your instincts and your rationality. His confession has unleashed a torrent of emotions that you never expected to confront, and the magnetic pull between you and Hongjoong is impossible to deny.
“Hongjoong,” you whisper, your fingertips on fire as you play with your clothes.
“We should discuss the relationship with the boys when you are ready with your answer.” Hongjoong says, quickly, trying to ignore the way his heart is pounding in his chest.
Suddenly, a profound realisation washes over you: there is seemingly nothing in this world capable of undermining the unbreakable bond you share with the boys. After years of yearning for one another's company, you are now reunited, and it feels as though no external influence could ever drive a wedge between you. While you are fully aware that maintaining relationships can be challenging, with the boys, it all seems effortless. There's a natural understanding between you, a deep knowledge of each other that makes everything feel remarkably smooth and naturally occurring.
Amidst your personal struggles with mental health, a lingering concern lingers in your mind; the worry that these challenges might adversely affect your relationship. However, the boys have consistently demonstrated their unwavering support, proving time and again that they not only embrace your struggles but are also somewhat professional at navigating such turbulent waters. Their understanding and expertise in handling these issues have become a reassuring pillar of strength, reinforcing the belief that your bond can withstand any storm that life may throw your way.
“I want to say yes.” 
Hongjoong's eyes, once covered with nervousness, now lit up with an intensity you had never seen before. It was as if a constellation of stars had suddenly burst into existence within his gaze, filling the room with their luminous glow.
“Come, we need to talk to the boys.” 
Hongjoong's touch was gentle as he clasped your hand, coaxing you off the bed. You yielded to his pull, your feet finding the floor. But there was something lingering, something unsaid that held you back. You tugged him slightly, your grip on his hand urging him to pause. Confusion knit his brows, and his concern was palpable in his searching gaze.
“You don't have to hold back.” you whisper, with some fear as to his reaction, yet you start to feel confident upon seeing Hongjoong’s flustered state.
"Doll," Hongjoong whispers, his voice a seductive murmur as he closed the distance between you. His desire was evident in the way his eyes smouldered with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. His words hung in the air, thick with promise, and they caught you off guard.
"Let's talk to the boys," he continued, his tone laced with anticipation, "and when the time is right, I’ll show you everything I have been waiting to do for years.”
The boldness of his statement sends a rush of arousal coursing through your body. It is as if a dormant fire had been ignited, and your heart races at the thought of what awaits. The anticipation of sharing your desires and fantasies with him, of finally giving in to the passion that had simmered between you for so long, leaves you breathless with longing.
“Let’s go.”
Hongjoong walks behind you as you step back into the kitchen where your roommates' eyes immediately turn toward you. There's a mix of relief and concern in their expressions, like they've been holding their breath until your return.
Wooyoung, who's drying dishes with Yeosang, flashes a warm smile your way, but his eyes are filled with concern. Seonghwa and Yunho, chatting at the counter, both turn towards you with wide smiles on their faces, but their gazes are searching, trying to read your mood. Mingi, Jongho, and San, who are seated at the island, exchange subtle glances, and it's clear they've been discussing something among themselves.
It's like a silent symphony of emotions playing out in their eyes, and you can sense their collective concern hanging in the air. You take a deep breath, realising that it's time to address the situation, to clear the air and let them in on your feelings, just as you've allowed Hongjoong to do. Before you can speak, they collectively pause what they're doing, waiting for you to make the first move, to share your thoughts and feelings.
“I’m sorry guys, for rushing out like that…” You begin to say, yet before you can continue, a chorus of ‘It’s okay’ and ‘don't worry’s sound out, filling you with an intense feeling of gratitude.
"I, uh, wanted to say something," you begin, your voice carrying a mix of nervousness and anticipation. The room falls into a hushed silence, all eyes fixed on you, their expressions a blend of curiosity and affection.
Taking a deep breath, you look towards Hongjoong, who gives you a reassuring nod, making you feel more confident as you continue, "I've thought about this a lot, and I want you all to know how special you are to me. I think we should give it a try."
Around you, the boys freeze in their tracks, their expressions shifting from disbelief to sheer elation. Your words land in their hearts like a gentle caress, and the impact was profound. It was as if a wave of pure joy had washed over them, leaving them floating in a sea of happiness. Their faces light up with radiant smiles, their eyes sparkling with unshed tears of joy. The room seemed to shimmer with an aura of warmth and contentment that only your words could bring.
Seonghwa, the embodiment of tenderness, takes a step closer, his voice filled with emotion. "You have no idea how much those words mean to us," he admits, his eyes glistening.
San, who had dreamt of this moment for years, is overwhelmed with gratitude. "I can’t believe this is happening," he said, his voice trembling with sincerity.
Yunho, the eternal optimist, can’t stop grinning. "This feels way better than I imagined!" he exclaimed under his breath, yet you manage to catch it, causing your heart to race even more than it already was.
Jongho, the pillar of strength, looks at you with profound appreciation. "Thank you for choosing us," he says, his voice steady with emotion.
Yeosang, usually reserved, couldn't help but express his delight. "I've been waiting for this for so long," he admitted, his eyes shining.
Mingi and Wooyoung, the jokers of the group, let out joyful laughs, not being able to speak any words, their happiness immeasurable.
Hongjoong, whose emotions were always close to the surface, openly shares his feelings. "I can't express how happy I am right now," he confesses, his voice quivering with emotion.
They surround you, their words and expressions convey the depth of their joy. It feels like a moment of pure happiness, a shared understanding that something beautiful is beginning. With hearts full of love and excitement, you know that your journey with these incredible individuals was just starting, and it was going to be an extraordinary adventure filled with love, passion, and unforgettable moments.
“Boys, back up a little,” Hongjoong speaks out, his usual tone of authority present once more as he realises all eight of them huddled around you, making you feel slightly vulnerable. 
The seven boys gathered around you pick up on your tenseness. It wasn't that you minded their presence in your personal space; in fact, their company was something you cherished. It was the attention focused solely on you that made you feel a bit small, like the centre of the universe in that moment. 
San, always attuned to your feelings, senses your unease. He takes a step back with the others and speaks gently, "Hey, we're here because we care about you, but we don't want you to feel overwhelmed. We can take things at your pace."
Thankfully, nobody seemed to mind your tenseness, realising the reasoning for it.
“So how is this going to work?” You manage to ask, not quite sure as to how a relationship with nine people is going to work out. 
Sitting down at your usual place at the table, you notice the boys rush to their own seats also.
“It's just like a normal relationship really.” Hongjoong answers your question as he takes a seat down in front of you.
“Just there’s a lot of love going around, I suppose.” Jongho adds, “it’s not too different to a monogamous relationship.”
“You probably will go on a lot of dates,” Seonghwa jokes, chuckling gently.
“And receive lots of affection,” Yeosang says quietly from his seat, and you can’t help but notice the blush covering his face. 
“But like every relationship, you are allowed to say no to us, in any way. If you aren't comfortable with something, don't be scared to let us know. We would hate to ever make you uncomfortable or upset.” Yunho says, a reassuring smile on his face, yet you can tell his words are important to him and the others around him, as they nod and agree to Yunho.
“If you have any questions don't feel scared to ask, but remember, this isn't a contract, it's a relationship, just go with the flow. You can do whatever you would like, and… leave whenever you want.”  Hongjoong says, his words slightly sorrow, which you are quick to reassure him.
“We don't need to think of that now, I’m not planning on leaving any time soon.” You quickly say, not wanting to see the hurt expression on Hongjoong’s face any longer.
Little did you know, your short but heartfelt statement brought joy not only to Hongjoong but to all eight men surrounding you. Their smiles grew wider, and their eyes shimmered with happiness as they soaked in your words.
“Like most relationships though,” Hongjoong begins, catching everyone’s attention, “although there are eight of us, not that I think you would ever even think of it, you can't be with anyone outside of this group. I want you to fully understand that.”
“Of course, I’m in a relationship with you eight, not anyone else and I think cheating is for sore losers who aren't happy with their partners but can't find the guts to break up with them because they are scared of losing the only person who cares about them in their lives.” You quickly cut off your rant, upon seeing the confused, yet agreeing expressions on the men around you.
"Damn girl, did someone hurt you?" Wooyoung playfully says, his tone light and teasing. But as soon as the words leave his mouth, a sense of realisation strikes him like a bolt of lightning as he sees your slightly hurt expression and his heart twangs with guilt. It wasn't just a casual remark; someone had, indeed, broken your trust, and the implications of that hit all the men around you like a ton of bricks.
Wooyoung’s playful expression shifts to one of concern and protectiveness in an instant. His eyes darken with a mix of anger and empathy as he realises that you have experienced pain and betrayal.
The other members, too, sense your change in behaviour . They exchange glances, silently communicating their readiness to support you.
San, who is observing you very intently, caught on to the change in your demeanour. He leans closer, his face reflecting his own concern. "Hey, are you okay?" he asks gently, his voice filled with genuine worry.
“It was a while ago, I'm rather glad it was a short lived relationship, he turned out to be such a dick.” 
“Does he go to our school?” Yunho asks, his eyes narrowed in some form of mixture of jealousy and anger.
“I am not going to answer that question.” You chuckle, “but don't worry about anything, I only have eyes for you guys now. It was one of my first relationships anyways, so I’m still quite new to the whole affection thing.” 
"Just how experienced are you?" Wooyoung can't resist teasing, a mischievous glint in his eye and a playful smirk on his face as he witnesses your flustered state.
San, standing beside Wooyoung, couldn't help but chuckle at the teasing. He playfully slaps Wooyoung on the back of the head, a gentle reprimand for his impulsive curiosity. However, it was evident that San, too, was curious about your past relationships.
The other members exchange knowing glances, their expressions a mix of amusement and interest. They were already accustomed to each other's past experiences, and your life is now intricately entwined with theirs, they can’t help but wonder how far you have gone into a relationship with someone. Naturally, they are curious about your past and the experiences that have shaped you.
It takes you a second to regain your composure, and you realise you could make some fun out of it while you're here. 
"Well, let's just say, I know what I like and what I want to try," you reply with a clearly suggestive undertone, a playful glint in your eye. Your words hang in the air, and it does not go unnoticed by the men surrounding you. Their eyes darken with desire as they absorb the implications of your statement. You hear a few sharp intakes of breath from around you, and you can't quite believe how much your words impacted the males around you.
In this moment, a tangible tension fills the room, the air crackling with unspoken desires and fantasies. Each of them felt a surge of longing, their own desires awakening in response to your sudden openness.
Hongjoong's usually composed demeanour wavers for a brief moment, his restraint tested by the allure of your words. Along with your words in the bedroom earlier, it seems like a potent mix that you are almost teasing him with.
San's eyes gleam with a playful challenge, as if he is ready to explore those desires with you. Desperately wanting to find the time with you to show you everything he’s been dreaming of for years.
Yunho feels a rush of heat, his thoughts consumed by the possibilities your words hold. The kiss you two shared reaches the front of his mind and he has a hard time hiding his excitement as he imagines what would happen if, next time, you don't stop.
Yeosang's usual calm exterior betrays a hint of excitement, a silent acknowledgment of the passionate connection that has been ignited.
Mingi's playful grin hints at his willingness to partake in such adventures. Wooyoung's creative mind is already racing with ideas of how to indulge in your fantasies. 
Jongho, although rather inexperienced himself, finds himself wanting to explore his own desires alongside you.
Seonghwa's dark gaze locks onto yours, his expression a mix of intensity and anticipation, his sultry gaze causing butterflies to rush through your stomach, his lustful look making your heart beat rise. 
In that charged moment, you were the epicentre of their desires, your words kindling a fire within each of them. It was a shared understanding that there were unexplored realms of passion waiting to be discovered, and they were eager to embark on that journey with you.
The room seemed to shrink as their longing gazes remained fixed on you, a silent invitation to explore the depths of desire and pleasure together. It was a promise of intimate moments yet to come, a tantalising glimpse into a future filled with passion and connection.
It is Yeosang’s voice who breaks the silence, although it is shaky, he holds some sort of power as he speaks, his brow raising slightly, “and what would those be?” 
Feeling awfully in control of the situation makes you feel somewhat powerful. With a cheeky grin, you raised your eyebrows in response to Yeosang's curiosity. 
"I guess you'll have to find out," you teased, your tone laced with playful mystery.
Your words hung in the air like a tantalising promise, and they didn't go unnoticed by the men around you. Arousal simmered beneath the surface, and each of them found their thoughts running wild, their desires ignited by the prospect of discovering the depths of your desires.
“Holy shit,” you hear San groan under his breath, avoiding your gaze.
With a mischievous giggle, you gracefully rise from your seat, a sense of satisfaction in the air. Playfully, you send a wink in their direction, a silent promise of more exciting moments to come. 
“I’m going to get ready for bed,” you say. With a playful skip in your step, you make your way to the confines of your bedroom, leaving the men behind, their thoughts still simmering with desire.
Disappearing into your room, you can’t help but feel a rush of excitement and anticipation. The playful banter had ignited a passionate spark among you all, and the possibilities for the future seemed endless. You knew that the intimate adventures awaiting you would be filled with desire, pleasure, and a deep connection that bound you together.
Wooyoung and Mingi quickly rush to stand, wanting to follow you into the confines of your room, to see exactly what you meant by your suggestive words. Seonghwa and Yunho shuffle in their seats, restless, also wishing to follow you to your bedroom. Yeosang, and San share a knowing glance, their faces both a deep shade of red. San chuckles to himself, clearly affected by your words, yet he finds the humour in your playful teasing, bringing a smile to his face. 
Just as Wooyoung is about to make a dash for the exit, Hongjoong's voice cuts through the air, stern and authoritative. Without even sparing a glance at the two behind him, he asks them to sit down. His commanding tone brings both Mingi and Wooyoung to an abrupt halt, and they immediately sense the underlying seriousness in Hongjoong's demand.
Once again, Hongjoong's leadership qualities are not to be underestimated, and the weight of his words hung in the air, stopping any hasty actions in their tracks. His stern demeanour makes it clear that there was something important he wishes to address, and it has the full attention of those present. Mingi and Wooyoung exchange a quick glance, silently acknowledging the gravity of the situation.
“What is it, Joong?” Seonghwa asks, his concern showing as he sees the furrowed expression on Hongjoong’s expression.
"I didn't want to bring the mood down, we should be happy right now," Hongjoong began, his voice filled with a hint of frustration. He runs a hand through his hair, a sign of his unease, before continuing, "I think Ryu knows about ___."
Mingi's reaction was immediate, and he couldn't contain his shock and anger. "What the fuck?" he exclaims, his eyebrows furrowing deeply.
The collective mood among all the men took a nosedive, plunging from happiness into a pit of uncertainty and concern.
San, always ready to protect and defend, stands up from his seat, his initial confusion giving way to anger. "What? What makes you think that?" he demands, his voice laced with frustration.
Hongjoong's revelation had thrown a dark shadow over the previously joyful atmosphere, and now, questions and fears raced through their minds. Gently Yeosang grabs San’s hand, momentarily calming his anger, although Yeosang himself feels as if he is seeing red.
“When I went to check on her, among other things, she told me the reason she was upset was because she received a message from someone.”
“What, from who?” Yeosang questions, his voice slightly sharper than usual, it does not go unnoticed by the seven around him.
“You can make a guess…” Hongjoong replies, looking down at his fingers which are picking a piece of dead skin on his nail. 
“Are you sure it is from her?” Seonghwa begins, his hand resting on Hongjoong’s hand, stopping him from the bad habit of picking skin. 
“In the message was the heart, with the eight, I’ve only ever seen her use that.”
“That’s her then.” Yunho says, his teeth gritted, looking forward to nothing in particular.
The tension in the room escalates as the seven men around Yunho struggle to process this unexpected revelation. The mere mention of Ryu's involvement casts a dark cloud over the previously uplifted atmosphere.
The unknown intentions of Ryu gnaw at their minds, leaving them feeling uneasy and apprehensive. While they had been able to protect you from Ryu's potential interference within the confines of their home, this new development has thrown a wrench into their plans. Things had suddenly become far more complicated than they had ever imagined.
Each of them wore expressions of concern, their thoughts racing as they contemplated the potential implications of Ryu's knowledge. The unspoken question hung heavily in the air: What was Ryu planning, and how would it affect you?
“Should we have waited until we knew Ryu was gone before we started our advances on ____?” Mingi questions, more to himself than to anyone else.
“It’s our relationship, another person shouldn't have a say in what we can and can't do with our girlfriend.” Jongho exclaims, his fists tightening in his lap.
"I get what you're saying, Jongho," Wooyoung exclaimed in response to Jongho's statement. He can empathise with Jongho's concerns, but he couldn't entirely agree with his viewpoint.
The situation was undeniably complex, and their protective instincts were at odds with the desire to see you happy and free from any past entanglements. It was a delicate balance they had to strike, and finding a resolution that would ensure your well-being while allowing you to pursue happiness was a challenge.
Wooyoung's voice holds a note of understanding as he continues, "But we can't just ignore this, can we? If Ryu does something, it means our guard might not be enough. We need to figure out what's going on and how it might affect ___." His concern for your safety was evident in his words, and he is determined to address the issue head-on.
Hongjoong's voice is contemplative as he speaks, his eyes reflecting his own internal analysis. "You're right," he admits, addressing the group. "We were excited when she forgave us, so we let our guard down."
The admission hung in the air, a collective acknowledgment that their happiness had, in a way, overshadowed the need for continued vigilance. It was a humbling realisation that their happiness with you had momentarily clouded their judgement.
Hongjoong continues, his tone firm and determined, "But that doesn't mean we can't rectify it. We need to be cautious, not just for our sake but for hers too. We won't let Ryu's presence threaten ___ or our relationship."
His words carry a sense of resolve, and it is clear that Hongjoong is committed to protecting you and ensuring that nothing would jeopardise the bond you had all worked so hard to rebuild.
The weight of Hongjoong's determination and leadership settles in the room, and the tension among the boys seems to ease slightly. There was a shared understanding among them that when Hongjoong took charge of a situation, there was little need to worry.
Hongjoong's ability to provide guidance and assert control over challenging circumstances is a source of comfort and reassurance for the group. His leadership has always played a crucial role in navigating the complexities of their relationships and disagreements in the past and the trust that he will ensure your safety and happiness.
In that moment, their trust in their captain’s abilities becomes a source of strength, a reminder that they are a unified front ready to face any challenges that come their way. The collective determination to protect you and preserve the chemistry you have found together was unwavering, and they knew that, under Hongjoong's guidance, they can face whatever lies ahead.
“Do you have any idea what she might want?” Yeosang asks gently after a few moments of reflective silence.
The seven men turned their collective gaze to Hongjoong, who had a deep furrow in his brow as he spoke. "She said that we are 'her boys,' not ___'s," he explains, his voice tinged with concern. He raises a hand to gently massage his temples, a sign of the weight of the situation.
Mingi's reaction is immediate and passionate. "That's insane! She was the one who hurt us. How could she possibly think that we belong to her?" His voice rises with anger and frustration.
San tries to diffuse the situation. "Calm down, Mingi. We don't want ___ to know what's happening." He emphasises the importance of keeping you in the dark for the time being.
Wooyoung, however, is torn. "That's stupid? ___ should know what's going on," he exclaims, his concern for your well-being outweighing his desire to keep you unaware of the situation.
The room is filled with conflicting emotions and opinions as they grapple with the complex web of feelings and loyalties surrounding Ryu's unexpected return and her claim over them. 
Hongjoong's voice remains steady as he reasons with the boys, his calm demeanour a contrast to the escalating tension in the room. "If the situation escalates, we will tell her," he asserts firmly, emphasising the need for caution and measured responses.
While his decision received some negative reactions from the others, Hongjoong stood his ground, resolute in his determination to prioritise your safety and well-being. He understood the gravity of the situation and believed that, for the time being, it was best to shield you from unnecessary worries. It was a difficult decision, but he believed it was the right one to make.
"Try to focus on the positives right now, boys," Hongjoong encourages, his voice carrying a note of reassurance, "___ is finally ours. Let's lighten up a little."
Hongjoong's attempt to lighten the mood doesn’t go unnoticed. He speaks with a gentle tone and tries to muster a warm smile, which some of the boys returned more easily than others. Despite the lingering concerns and unease, there is a shared understanding among them.
His words are a reminder of the joy and happiness that have come with your forgiveness and acceptance. While the challenges they face are significant, the boys share a deep sense of happiness knowing that you were officially a part of their lives.
Amidst the uncertainties, their bond with you remained a source of strength, and they are determined to cherish the positive moments and continue building a future together.
----
⇢ taglist: @lilactangerine @plutoneu @abby-grace @sunkissed725 @lixiel0ver @acciocriativity @hyukssunflower @sunukissed @khjcoo @stopeatread @meginthebuilding27 @mychickentendou @sunnyhokyu @rxnexxi @croa-yevon @arabelleum @randomness7198 @dysftopia @lucymultistan @sookacc @starillusion13 @daceydeath @theamazinggrace-000 @smilingtokki @hasgalore @pytssamworld @just-a-really-bored-kpop-fan @satsuri3su @theonesoldtoonedirection @wooya1224 @deadpoetsandhoney @skztrophy @kunhengie @tinyelfperson @l0vetiny @simplyalfie @doggopepper @seungily @dino-teezerr @silentcry329 @formulateez @senpai-of-doom @aaaaajonghooooo @ijwsbdinp ​@liniiiaa @channiespup @heyitstacy @eightmakesonebraincell @araknoid @lilbugs-things
im sorry to say but the taglist is closed from now onwards.
330 notes · View notes
factual-fantasy · 5 months ago
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29 asks! Thank you!! :}} 🦀
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I use FireAlpaca! And occasionally MS Paint in specific situations or for fun XDD
FireAlpaca is free and I'd say its good for beginner digital artists, but also has a lot of tools for pros! But keep in mind it's got some quirks and weird bugs sometimes- use it at your own risk! <XD
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Tassels is a much nicer word than "ribbonlike feelers", which is what the pokedex entry's say they are <XDD
And thank you! I'm glad you like that detail!! :))
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Thank you! I'm doing my best not to overdo it <XDD
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@minnesotamedic186
*The bottle sinks into my head and disappears*
Thanks you :}} 👍
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@samcat2
Oh, no no- they are not a couple/gay. They are like the bestest-best brothers :}
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@realmerks6969
:0 .... do I like what-
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@milk-powrit
Yes! Birdos in my AU are decedents from the original Yoshi's. They live on the coast by Daisy's kingdom and have been domesticated by the Delfino people.
While Yoshi's come in all different colors.. Birdos are mostly Pink, Red or shades of purple due to red Cheep-Cheeps being the corner stone of their diet.
Now, the specific/individual Birdo that we know? The one with the bow and everything? That Birdo is supposed to be Daisy's personal pet Birdo. She's very spoiled XDD
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@antisocial-bird
Thank you!! And welcome back! :))
I'm sorry to hear you've got some personal battles and school weighing you down.. <:(( I hope you can salvage some of those connections and make some new ones soon! :}}
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(Refencing this post)
SKJNJ I N G O T S XDDD
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Honestly? That's rather fitting for Emmet- XDD
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I'm glad to hear it! But hey! Don't call it ugly >:(( Its wonderful!! :}}
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@artblock200322022
I'm glad to hear it! :DD And ooo! Whisper?? That's such a cool name!! :}}}
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@illogically-austere
<XD You don't seem happy about it, I'm guessing it was more of a nightmare?
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If you mean which game ending my AU follows..
Its supposed to be a modified version of the 6AM ending. Where Gregory escapes when the front doors open but he doesn't get caught by Vanessa later. He ends up coming back to the Pizzaplex 2 weeks later on his own.
If you mean an ending to the entire AU itself? I have some ideas in mind and just need to take the time to pick one of them--
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@glitchhayden418
:DDD ROSES AND ORANGES!! THANK YOU!! :)))))
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XDD Don't worry, I assumed it was my POV-
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@yourtypicalfoxobserver
:DD Thank you! I'm glad you like what I make! :)))
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Just trying something new! This new lineless pixel style is a change of pace and is helping to keep me out of art block :) 👍👍
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@pinkiexneomorph277
Thank you so much!! :DD And I'll take the thumbs up XDD 👍✨
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.....Well he's got that Papyrus energy tbh-- <XDD
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NOOOO <XDDDD
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AWWWWW 😭😭 THATS SO SAD YET ADORABLEEEE
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🥺Flowers........ 💖🌹💖
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(Referencing the comments of this post)
XDD Don't worry, I'll track em down! >XDD
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@shiocreator (Referencing this post)
WAAAHGH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! :DDDD
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@kirozil
I'm hanging in there, thank you for asking! :}
My FNAF AU/Recap/Repair project thingy has kind'a been put on the shelf for a while. But that's mostly due to my poor health and being unable to sit at my desk and draw on my PC..
(All my resent posts- this one included- and drawings have been made on a laptop while laying on a couch. All of my FNAF stuff is on my desktop PC :((( )
As for your second question, sorry, I don't take requests! 😅
Thanks for the ask! I hope you have a great day/afternoon/night as well! :}}}
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@empowtisblog
That sounds like me! XD Thank you! I'm glad you liked my Octonauts stuff! :))
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@captain-skyler1987
:DD Thank you! :))) 🍪💖
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@soulful-rodent
I'm hanging in there as best I can 🫠
58 notes · View notes
allisquish · 11 days ago
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Gold-plated Silver Lining
Part 1
Continuation of the last one, this time more of the reader's perspective. I have the next part written, but I'm not 100% happy with the ending yet idk. There's probably gonna end up w four parts, idk.
Also, didn't state it in the first part, but reader is an adult. (The whole fic is probably gonna be pg-13 but I wanna cover my bases here).
Enjoy!
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Living with Stan was both a dream and a nightmare.
It's a little embarrasing, how much you had daydreamed about this kind of soft domesticity with Stan. Sharing the day to day intimacies with him and the kids; shared mealtimes, settling for the night, and just being close.
Having them all under the roof of your tiny apartment should've been fun and joyful. And it was, but it felt... tainted. Without the Shack, everything was stilted.
Still, when you weren't working at Greasy's with Soos, you tried to find little things to bring some joy back. Like bringing takeout, exploring with the twins, or having movie nights with everyone. You did everything you could to keep Dipper and Mabel still smiling.
Stan was another problem all together. Never in your wildest dreams while working in the Shack did you ever imagine being constantly this physically close to him. Past you would've lost your mind over it; whenever you sat pressed together on the couch, or brushed hands getting the twins settled.  But you knew Stan. Had spent enough time with him over the years to see past his showman's facade. The twins might still see loud guffaw and blustery rage at the Gleefuls, but you can see what Stan buries behind them. The worry, the fear and the weariness.
You didn't realize exactly how much everything was weighing on him until one evening. The twins were asleep on the air mattress in front of the couch, where Stan sat. You'd just filled your water bottle, and was doing a last check in before you headed to your bedroom for the night.
Quietly, you stopped behind the couch, staring at the tableau before you. The way Stan sat, his large shoulders tense, his hands clasped, his gaze heavy. It reminded you of Atlas with the world on his shoulders. Unsure, you reached out to lightly touch his shoulder.
You were about to ask Stan if he needed anything, when he spoke. "They can't stay here."
"What?" You nearly dropped your water bottle; what did he mean? Had you done something wrong? Had you-
Stan turned slightly towards you, and  continued, "I gotta send them back to California."
"Stan!" You hissed, watching as Mabel groaned and shifted in her sleep. This wasn't a conversation to have in front of the kids, even if they were asleep. You grabbed hold of his shirt, and tugged; nodding towards your room. Begrudingly, he followed.
Soon as the door closed, Stan spoke, "They can't stay here."
"Of course they can, Stan, its not like I'm gonna kick you all out or anything."
"Thats not what I meant." He sighed, his gaze focused solely on your carpet. "I can't keep them here. It isn't fair to the kids or you."
"Stan-"
He held up a hand, "No, just, listen." He looked up, staring at the space betwee your head and shoulders, "I don't have a job, I dont have a home, hell I dont even have any money. All I have is my car and the clothes on my back. I can't... I can't take care of these kids." In the darkness, you could see his eyes shining, and his already gruff voice turn even gruffier. Taking a deep breath, you slowly reached out for him, grazing his hand.
"Stan," You swallowed, "I... I... There. There might not be much I can do to help," You gave in to the impulse to grab his hand, squeezing it tight, "But. But I want you to know. You are always, always welcome here. No matter what." You were sure he'd grumble something and pull away; instead, he surprised you by latching on to your hand, holding it just as tightly.
"I know." He said, finally, finally making eye contact with you in the darkness. You stood together like that, holding tightly to eachother in the darkness for several poignant moments before Stan pulled away. "Have a good night." He gave you a tight lippped smile. "You too, Stan." You whispered, holding your hands up to your chest. You wanted to stop him, wanted to talk to him more about everything weighing on him, but what could you do? You were just a waitress, just able to make ends met for yourself in your tiny apartment. Could you really support two preteens and their uncle all summer long?
But there was one thing you knew for absolute certainty; Stan would always have a place to stay with you.
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thedisablednaturalist · 8 months ago
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Tw for weight loss mention
The whole exercise will cure your disability thing is a fucking joke. Yes exercise is beneficial for your health, but only if you aren't already on shaky foundations. You need to be on a treatment plan that WORKS before going into the maintenance phase. You wouldn't do regular maintenance on a broken item, you'd work on getting it up and running first. And maybe it would even need specialized maintenance afterwards if it's especially fragile.
I have fibromyalgia and acute degenerative disc disease. My immune system attacks my nerves and discs in my spine are slowly calcifying and causing the bones to constrict and damage my nerves (i think thats how it works). I have days where it feels like my body is on fire from nerve pain and days where it feels like my spine is about to rip from my back. And days where I have both (like today!). I get numbness in my hands and feet. I have horrible migraines. I can no longer walk unaided more than maybe 5 minutes without severe pain. I have something wrong with my knees and hips but the doctors don't know what yet.
You'd think I live an obviously seditary lifestyle correct?
Hell no.
I walk aided on average 6 miles a day over difficult terrain OUTSIDE of regular activity almost everyday. My legs are muscular and strong. I get my heart rate up and a good sweat, like all the gym rats swear on. I am often doing physical labor such as weeding, digging, sample collecting, pruning trees etc.
I'm not saying this to make other disabled people feel bad or prove that they can do anything if they just tried harder. This is an extremely painful lifestyle I've chosen that takes a lot of lifestyle management AND BOUNDARIES to keep up with the work. I also have an extremely forgiving boss who is also physically disabled and knows what I'm going through (deciding between your passion and your health and having to do so each and every day) No one should ever be expected to do what I do. I'm not even sure if I should be doing this myself.
This is to prove that exercise? Has not cured me. My muscles are strong but still hurt as if they're broken and I have to take more breaks than my coworker. I am constantly getting out of breath and I flare up regularly if I'm not careful. I am in excellent physical condition outside of my disabilities. I go to different doctors several times a month to get checked out.
I previously went through a diet program and lost a lot of weight (basically starving myself and got off my depression meds which cause weight gain but are also the only ones that work) and guess what? That didn't do shit either!!! I still felt horrible!!! I've since gained back the weight anyway after switching to focusing on adding more nutrient dense foods than taking stuff away from my diet (also muscle weighs more than fat, and fat helps cushion my aching joints and spine).
The muscle doesn't do shit for my disabilities outside of maybe some stability. Exercising everyday doesn't make the pain go away. Without my medications and aids and nutrition plans and steroid injections and spinal adjustments and physical therapy (that takes my fibro and spine into account) and alternative work methods I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I DO. Exercise alone is like trying to make a car run with no oil. Yes it'll go but it'll get more and more damaged till it can't and will need its entire engine replaced!
And yet I see new doctors and they look at me and the first thing out of their mouths is do I exercise? I should try doing a little every day :) and then i fucking blow their minds when I tell them about my job. No longer can they use that fucking cop out on me. I've been through this rodeo. Ive tried their suggestions. If you are in pain and nothing is helping? Exercise ain't going to do SHIT. You need to get to a point where you can move without severe pain first (if that's even possible). Then and only then should you consider implementing regular exercise if you can. Also weight loss talk is a red flag and a cop out. They made me lose 50+ lbs before they would look into the reasons behind my pain. Weight loss did nothing for me and exacerbated my pain.
I am living proof that all that shit is a lie and a cop out. That is the point of this post. I cannot believe people with serious medical conditions are being forced to put their bodies through extreme duress just to be believed. You are not disabled because of laziness or because you sit a lot. Plenty of people live seditary lifestyles and do not live in constant excruciating pain (they may develop disabilities later in life due to this however, and should be doing preventative exercises to maintain their health)
Please, share my story with doctors. Use me as an example. I am proof that "exercise first treat later" does not work. I should not have had to wait years to have my pain validated. I'd rather hundreds of fakers get (what? A blood test? An MRI?) than one chronically ill person get told to try yoga and go away by a doctor.
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therottingstar · 1 month ago
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Looking for JJK rp buddies!!
celestialgrotesque on discord! friend away!
Helloooo!! im celestialGrotesque and i am here to ask if anyone would like to be rp partners (also 18 n up) :3 Im 18, have little to no limits (except weird shit) and yeah Here are my mains - Megumi, Geto, Nobara, Choso my secondaryes - Yuji, Sukuna, Uraume, Mahito and mine "I love them, I can write them, but not that confident" - Gojo, Toji , mimiko and nanako (together, cant play them separately) ,Any other character really, just need to do research on them, kenjaku Ill tag the ships I like,,, so uh if this is in A SHIPP TAG,,,,,,,, AND YOU WANNA RP,,,,,,, big ol eyes QUALITY OVER QUANTITY RP!!
rp example belloww
Megumi hands felt as the warm water of the sink ran through them, carefully brushing the green side of the sponge against the small bowl he uttilized for dinner. As he washed the reminders of dirt away, he couldnt help but.... ponder. There was an emptiness weighing in the back of his neck, as he finished the dishes carefully placing them on the drying rack. He took off the small filter of the sink, trowing the disgusting wet pieces of food in the trash before finally putting it back in its place. Megumi washed his hands again, drying them in the nearby towel before running them through his hair. He took deep breaths, attempting to stabilize himself. But his thoughts grew erratic, his mind raced circles upon circles. It hurt. "hff.....huff..." He breathed, 'just like in therapy' he thought, sitting down back against the small cupboard under the sink. He covered his eyes with his hands, breathing as deeply as he managed. 'I must be the worst', he thinks. Today had been a particularly rough day for Megumi, he had a small disagreement with Nobara and Yuji, something considerably small for the two of them had ticked Megumi off, causing him to blow up on his friends. Why was Megumi like that? If he was to really think about it he was not worthy of his friends, Nobara and Yuji were sweet and strong people, people that didnt need him. And god how dare he shout at them like that. Hurt them like that. "Deep....breaths...." He felt iregular, out of control. His head was spinning and he felt like too much. The lights felt too bright and the world felt woozy. Weakly, he brings his hands together summoning the devine dogs, who carefully began comforting him. They put their weights on Fushiguro, carefully pushing down on him to assist on his regulation. It felt like days for Megumi, the breathlessness and spinning world stopping slowly but eventually, he felt ok enough to go to his bed. The two wolf-dogs hop on the bed aswell, snouts pressing against Megumi as he held his pillow, small tears forming in his eyes. He hated being weak like this. But- he would be ok. Thats something he knows. Thats something he was promised. He is going to be ok. THE FORMATTING IS FUCKED,,, BUT YOU GET THE JIST!!
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Extra commentaries for "Untitled" (Portrait of Ross in L.A.)
a work that creates a metaphor for the loss of the artists partner by AIDS. There's a mass of candy equal to Ross at a healthy weight and gallery visitors are invited to take pieces of candy, dwindling the weight of the work to mirror Ross' drop in weight as his illness progressed. (cesiousblue)
I had to just kind of sit there trying to remember how to breathe for a few minutes after seeing it for the first time (courfeyracs-swordcane)
The themes of consumption in this work really get to me. It can be made by anyone, using the instructions of the artist, collecting a number of pieces of candy that weigh a total of 175 lbs, the weight of his partner who died that same year. This art hits me like a brick. (envelopedbyoblivion)
untitled (the one with the pile of candy) especially fucks me up bc of the extremely varied interpretations of it. my art history teacher told me that it represented someone spreading joy through ppls lives. a friend of mine said they viewed it as someone deteriorating due to aids-related complications. et cetera. either way it just feels so emotionally intense. (anonymous)
so this isn’t going to be articulated well especially since I’m not that familiar with conceptual art but I’m gonna try because I think it’s so incredible!!!! For a long time when I was younger I dismissed art like this and many pieces that fell under the modern art umbrella because I couldn’t really see the value in like, a dot on a piece of paper or what seemed like a random object placed in a room that someone decided was art for no particular reason. I never examined it and kinda dismissed it for being “low effort”, but this piece completely changed my mind and I was like holy shit I get it now! To elevate the seemingly ordinary, a pile of candy, into something so heartbreakingly meaningful, a portrait of his lover Ross who he lost to AIDS, is so meaningful! I feel like that’s so often what grief is, not the delicately crafted tributes that remind you of who you lost, but the ordinary objects that suddenly become imbued with so much meaning and sadness because they remind you of what’s been lost. It’s not to say that it’s not a delicately rendered portrait, because it is! But it’s like, not a portrait in the painting sense? It’s a snapshot of living with grief, without it it’s just a pile of candy, but when you carry that grief it becomes so much more. Another thing that I really like about this piece is that to me it’s less like a typical visual art piece and more like a song kinda? and as someone who was unfamiliar with conceptual art before seeing this, I think that’s so cool!? There is no “original” or one canvas that is The Art. If you place a pile of wrapped candies that weighs 175 pounds in a room, you now have “Untitled” (Portrait of Ross in L.A.). I realize a lot of conceptual art is like this, but this piece opened my eyes to that. I want to say more about the meaning of creating art that can persist anywhere when so many artists effected by HIV/AIDS were silenced or diminished, and how this piece also uses the audience in a really interesting way, but this is already way too long (sorry for rambling!). I really recommend reading up on this piece and it’s history. (anonymous)
A popular compliment/comment on art (at least in my tumblr circles) is 'i want to eat this art' and often it is illustrated or worded in a hedonistic tear into it wildly and animalistic eating way and thats great but this art is one I want to take one single 'bit', and let it savor on my tongue, put a hand on my stomach and think about how thankful i am to have gotten this bite. As a queer person its one of this installations i cant think about to long and not cry. I am young, too young to have lived through the AIDS crisis (as in the crisis of governments actively working against their people). Its an interactive piece of art and this kind of art always make me crazy the most (of course all art is interactive. the act of looking changes stuff already as we know from physics. looking and thinking about it is interacting) - you are invited to take one of the candy bits symbolising Ross. and on one hand that may sound horrifying to eat away a person who already had so much taken away, you take the part of the sickness of the government neglect. But as a queer person interacting i think about how matter never really goes away, things just transform. You take a piece. You eat it or share it with someone and you remember. You make him part of you. Queer community lost a lot because of AIDS but not all is lost, this work and others like the Quilt are remembrance, the galleries are stipulated to have the pile replenished - so Ross stays 'alive' and able to share bits of his history with people as long as the art work remains - and that makes me emotional (anonymous)
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dxmthief · 5 months ago
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its just like, i make choices to do substances. i do it knowing it can harm my body, or make me have a bad time, i know its altering my mind. im doing it on purpose. i consider almost every thing i do to be a form of self medicating., but to be desperate enough to go to someone to be prescribed something, and essentially be lied to, to be tricked or given something by someone youre supposed to trust, legally, who tells you info that can be wrong, and maybe youre someone who wont go home and read about it before taking it because youre trustful, because youve been told to listen to the doctor, that they know what theyre doing, their word may be the the only things you have to go off, i just think its so insidious that society created and relies on this structure. "wheres the fully informed consent?" i guess thats what im feeling. and i think its one thing to make a choice to take a substance without full info or to do it blindly, and to have weighed that you dont care and will just do it anyway, i do that all the time. but it is a users' mindset, or the mindset of someone whos desperate i think, maybe. but someone who goes to a doctor, because they need something, and are told it may be a cure, and theyre lead to believe that info, and theyre just trusting that, who can believe its just medicine, because structurally, the doctor is right, or whatever. im having a difficult time phrasing this. idk. and maybe those people do care and havent had the resources to weigh the risks.
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missroller15 · 1 year ago
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this isn’t regularly what i post but recently this has been weighing on my heart the last couple days so i thought i’d share it here for anyone who might get it or need it or just understands.
see, recently, i’ve met these wonderful ppl in my new town. who are different to me, and so strangely inspirational that i almost find myself bitter in comparison because see all these people have accomplished so many things so soon.
unlike me.
they’ve traveled the world and won so many awards or done all these things i’ve only ever heard of in movies and just so happen to be amazing in every subject that i’m, at best (even with my blood, sweat, and tears), remain average. and somehow beneath my nose i’d been kinda holding onto this sorta shame that no matter how much i do, i’m just not gonna be THAT person. that memorable (can you tell my mind is my greatest enemy?)
and the more i thought about it, the more i found my thoughts: you’re average. you don’t do anything special. you haven’t been to any amazing sights around the world, have you? turn into questions.
well, am i them? no.
have they done half the things i have? no bc they’re not me. maybe they have, maybe they havent.
i DONT know all. i definitely don’t, even if i tend to think my guesses are somehow going to read a person that well (which 99.99% aren’t ofc.)
and slowly but surely, thank the lord, i started feeling all my old accomplishments at my old school start to resurface. i’ve won at certain things or competitions too, i’ve been memorable to at least a few people, i’ve made people laugh and smile, i’ve seen some pretty cool sights, maybe not as big or extravagant but they were still a core memory!!! they were still big and extravagant to me!!! and thats what truly stuck out, this was all due to me. not actually them.
my brain can be my biggest enemy, but that doesn’t mean i’m not going to fight its plagues back.
so anyone who’s read this, and possibly going through something similar, or just read it bc why not, i just wanna let you know - you’re not alone !!!! i’ve got you too !!! i’m hyping you up !!!!
anyways, thanks for listening to my little story, love you beloved tumblr mutuals and friends 💘
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chaionthemoon · 2 months ago
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An Endless Existence
Prologue and Chapter 1
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Opener: So to start off for those few of you that do read this fic or are even interested in it:
If you've previously read any White Diamond x Original Characters on AO3, you may be semi-familiar with a really old Fanfiction that I wrote back in 2018, and only had 6 chapters total (Title: Its my life!). When I wrote that I was barely in 9th grade of HS, I was writing on my old ass Ipad, and I was writing it right into AO3 rather than a separate document. Not only that, but it was my first ever fanfiction that I ever wrote, so I was writing with literally no experience at all.
Only recently have I gone back to the Fanfiction and have re-read it and wow… thats all I can say. Over the 6 years since publishing that story, I've matured (obviously) and Orange diamond’s story has changed EXTREMELY. I've always wanted to go back to the story and rewrite it, however back in 2022 when I started getting serious about writing and fanfiction, I orphaned the fanfiction, as I didnt want my new readers to read whatever I had wrote back when I was younger, especially since i've tried to hard to really change my writing direction, my approach and become more professional. I have an AO3 account that I publish frequently from, however I created this separate account to write whatever I want about my own original characters from fandoms and their stories, not because I am ashamed or anything, but because i've been detached from fandoms such as Steven Universe, The Arcana and ect. That I no longer feel comfortable publishing these Fics to my bigger account.
By rewriting this story, Im hoping to reclaim it for myself, as well as bring back my old childhood interest in Steven Universe. There will be some similarities between the two stories such as both stories will have similar characters, Similar ships and a few similar topics (Such as abuse within romantic relationships, power dynamics in relationships, manipulation, ect.), however will completely abandon many of the original concept of the story (Such as the arranged marriage, gemlings/the diamonds having biological kids, any ship with Pink Diamond, ect.) just because looking back at the fic, it just doesn't feel right to write about it, and I want to keep it semi-accurate to the show with adding just a few of my own twists (Such as there being Minor diamond that serve as “Apprentice’s” to the major diamonds (White, Yellow, Blue, and Pink), and there being a competition between the Minor diamonds to prove to the diamonds their worth to hopefully monitor a full colony (Not their own colon, but one of the diamonds colonies).
Im in college now, and in a major that requires me to write more often, so hopefully my grammar and writing is 1000% better than whatever I wrote 6 years ago. Feedback is always encouraged, and I hope you enjoy whatever dumpster fire this will be...
Maybe it was bad luck on Orange’s part, that she should have the misfortune of being the only gem to come from the cursed planet. After all, there had to be something terribly wrong with her or her gem if she was able to withstand such a merciless planet for years. If Orange had not been tested and checked relentlessly after coming to Homeworld to ensure her gems perfection and been cleared as a legitimate diamond, then she also would have been sure that she had a faulty gem.
She remembered the day she had formed, though it had been very long ago at this point. She couldn't see her hands in front of her, winds constantly whipped her face, the atmosphere weighing down on her and her gem, as if it would eventually shatter her. Tme did not exist, and Orange was constantly dissociating from what was real and what wasn't. What was this existence? And where was she? Would she forever be alone? All these questions circled her mind, and that would be her existence for the next few years until a scout ship would come across her and alert the diamonds of her existence.
By the time the Diamonds retrieved her, she had been sure that everything and everyone wasn't real. It couldn't be real. How could she go from being stranded in the middle of a planet with no vision, no noise but the wind, and no voices but her own, to then being surrounded by bright lights, loud mechanic noises, and a million questions from gems surrounding her. It made no sense, and wouldn't for the next few hundred years.
Looking back at it, How could Orange Diamond could have possibly have hoped for a peaceful existence when she was born in the middle of a storm? It just was not in her fate, she was the diamond of storms after all.
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Orange shook her head as she tried to dispel any thoughts on her life before coming to Homeworld. If she thought bout it for too long, she would start to disassociate again, and Yellow hated when she would have to repeat herself to Orange if she didn't hear her the first time. Orange really tried to be in some state of awareness, as to please yellow diamond, however it was difficult for her.
Orange still struggled with being able to understand what was happening around her, and how much of it was her mind playing tricks on her. Some part of her gem still believes that this is all a hallucination, and that Orange can’t possibly have the fortune of being able to directly serve such an authority as those in the Diamond Authority. But then there were moments were the light hit her eyes wrong, or when Canary nudged her with her foot to alert Orange of something, that would bring her back to reality.
“Orange.” Yellow diamonds voice rang out in the large room where the golden gem sat in her throne. Orange was still deep in her thoughts when she felt the small nudge from canary and immediately snapped back to the current reality. She knew that Yellow had called her name, and couldn't remember anything else but that, so she decided to go off of that,
“Yes, Yellow Diamond.” Orange answered back, as she stood up and knelt before Yellows chair. Orange kept her face down, looking at the floor.
“I want to discuss an important matter with you before its released to the other diamonds at the upcoming ball that we will be hosting.” Yellow Paused. Orange grew concerned at the break in between Yellows thought. Usually long pauses did not equal good news, at least not in Orange Diamonds experience. However, Orange was pleasantly surprised when the next words fell from Yellow’s mouth: “I want to officially name you as my apprentice. You've served me well these past few thousand years, and I trust no other minor gem more with my colonies than you.”
Orange let out a small gasp before quickly closing her mouth. She kept her face looking down, at her own foot. “I- Thank you my Diamond, this is such an honor. Im unsure what else to say…”
“Say nothing then. Just continue to do your job well.” Yellow responded shortly. “While you've been diligent in your work, you still have much to improve upon. Not yet the idea of perfection, but you are getting there…” her voice sounded as if she was considering it, considering Orange’s position, and how she was of some value to her. It was softer than her usual tone of voice, and Orange was grateful for it internally.
“Thank you, my diamond.” Orange took the compliment. Compliments from Yellow were far and few inbetween, with the only compliments Orange being able to recall being directed towards White Diamond.
“I warn you though. So far, the only diamond to take an apprentice has been White diamond, and even then, the idea is simply unprecedented and still being tested to see if it works. You will be presented to not only Pink and Blue diamond, but White herself. She will evaluate you, test you if need be, to see if you are fit to assume the role as my apprentice. Orange, I need you to impress White, and calm any concerns of hers.” Yellow urged “You have been a great help to me, and I would hate to lose a gem such as yourself all because you could not meet White Diamonds standards”
“I will try my best my Diamond.” Orange responded, her tone as monotone as she could muster it. There was still a slight quiver in her tone, shock still processing in her system and adjusting to the news.
When Orange returned to her work station, it took her a few moments to remember what she had been working on previously. Whenever her bouts of concentration were broken, she always struggled to regain the same energy she had had before being called upon. Despite being able to open up her screen to her previous mission, she remained unsuccessful in continuing her productivity. Too many thoughts and ideas stirred in her head. Too many questions, too many scenarios to the unknown. What if she couldn't meet white diamonds standards? Would she be shattered? That hardly seemed like the worst punishment to her. Would Yellow Diamond be Punished? That seemed much worst to Orange, and Orange chalked it up to her loyalty to Yellow.
Dissociating had its perks. It allowed for time to pass faster for Orange. It allowed for her to get her word done with little to no thought behind it, completing it at faster rates and with ease. It came as second nature to her, and when it came to nature, there was not much to think about. It also helped her to ignore the feeling of any worries, any questions, and simply just exist without being present. Unfortunately for Orange diamond, she was stuck in her mind for the remainder of the planets cycle, left to get nothing accomplished and be stuck in her own thoughts.
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After being dismissed by Yellow Diamond, Orange had headed back to the Minor Diamonds residency to stew on the new information that had been provided to her. She found herself seated in the main area of the palace, typing furiously on her screen, trying to catch up on the previous days work. Nearby, Crimson Diamond worked. Crimson and Orange had always been friendly towards one another, though their acquaintance had its limits. To start: Orange believed Crimson a gossip. Crimson usually associated herself with Moon and Teal diamond, two of Blue Diamonds personal minor diamonds, and therefore, anything Orange diamond said to Crimson, she was sure would get back to Moon and Teal, and then so on and so fourth until it reached Yellow Diamond, and then Orange would be punished for “gossiping” as well. Second was that Crimson was extremely childish in Oranges eyes. She held little reasoning, and debating with her was like debating with a pebble. There was no argument against her. And lastly, Orange firmly believed that because they were both so opposite of one another, their was no way there could be a genuine friendship between them.
However, that didn't stop Orange from trying to fish for information from Crimson. If there was one thing that Gossips were good with, it was having updated information. Though how good Crimsons information was remained to be determined.
“What do you think the diamonds are like?” Orange questioned out loud and then turned to look at Crimson. She quickly became aware of the silence, and how her words had pierced through it. Luckily, it was only her and Crimson in the area for now, though the confused look that crimson gave her when she looked up from her own work had Orange thinking that she should backtrack a bit. “I mean specifically Pink, Blue and White Diamond.” Orange added quickly.
“Well… Who do you want me to start with?” Crimson leaned in, and slowly closed her own tablet to converse with Orange. Perfect- this was what she needed.
“Lets start with White. What can you tell me about our ruler?” Orange asked as she set aside her own work as well. This could in terms, count as working, as this was researching for her next big event.
“White diamond is a perfectionist” Crimson spoke softly, though her words carried in the main room. Orange thought to Cullinan and Black Diamond. Both worked closely with White Diamond, although they never spoke of her, and the only things Orange had heard were rumors fueled by Crimson Diamond, who got said rumors from things Pink Diamond had said. “I heard she can control gems as her power-”
‘Thats impossible” Orange had countered “There has been no record of any other gem, let alone our queen White Diamond, having such powers-”
“And thats why she is the ruler of the universe and Diamond Authority, it is said that she is everything that we are not.” Crimson motioned around her to all of the Minor diamonds. “I don't doubt for one second that she could mind control gems and make them do her bidding. If that weren't the case, then why not go against her command?”
With no warning, a voice grunted out, her voice deep and disgruntled with every word she spoke out: “Watch it Crimson.” Both diamonds flinched when they heard Black Diamond’s call out. Black diamond was White diamonds personal apprentice, a Title that the rest of the Minor Diamonds could only dream of. She had a dark and demeaning aura to her, that made her not very approachable, much less, sociable. Orange couldn't recall ever having a proper conversation with her, and in some aspects she was rather glad about that. Black Diamond seemed to dim any room she walked into, sucking all of the light out of the space. It made almost any common gem weak, and cower from her.“To question White Diamonds authority is considered treason, even for a gem of your status and station.” Black growled out.
“Im sorry, You misunderstand though Black, I meant it rhetorically.” Crimson gave a sly smile, not affected by Black’s presence. “We follow White Diamond and her Authority because she has been nothing but merciless letting us exist and serve the diamond authority, despite us being less than an actual diamond. We follow her because she guides gemkind to do what is necessary…” It sounded rehearsed, like Crimson had prepared for this, and Orange almost bought the sincerity in her words, if only she hadn't been smiling while she spoke. There was something about Crimson that had always put the other diamonds at ease, weather it was her casual demeanor towards everything, or her cheerful personality, no one could stay mad at Crimson.
Black seemed to accept Crimsons words with nothing more than one more glare, and simply turned away and out of the room, leaving Crimson and Orange alone once more. The fact that Black had overheard them of all the times that she could have came, had to be one of the most unlucky coincidences that Orange had experienced. To fill in the awkwardness left in her wake, Orange Diamond cleared her throat and turned back to Crimson. “Well, whats Pink diamond like then? Perhaps you'll have more facts rather than rumors this time.”
“Pink? Well shes simply wonderful.” Orange chuckled now, and Crimson became defensive “Im not just saying that! Its true. She has a bad temper, though she has gotten way better about it recently after an unfortunate incident with one of her pearls. Whenever I'm with her, she treats me as if I'm not…lesser than…”
“Even though we are?” Orange countered, and Crimson groaned. “You get angry, but we all know its the truth. How bad is her anger though?” Orange goaded on, clearly seeing that Crimson was getting irritated with the intrusion on her diamonds information.
Crimson sat quietly for a second before answering. “She… well, she broke her own pearl recently.”
“Are you kidding?” Orange’s eyes widened at this revelation “You mean she shattered her?” She had not heard of this from yellow, but then again, yellow rarely spoke of the other diamonds and their personal issues with the minor diamonds. It was that lack of knowledge that divided the Minor diamonds from the diamond authority, and from one another.
“Well, not exactly… She’s broken but, not shattered. After she reformed, one of her eyes had a scar remain on it. White diamond took the poor pearl and replaced her with a new pearl, one of the basic ones.” Crimson shrugged, as if it was nothing of importance, and Orange found herself wondering if she was over exaggerating with how she found the whole situation ridiculous.
“Ah, well, that makes sense then. If she cant take care of a custom pearl, then why not just give her a generic pearl.” Orange sighed “Still though, the poor thing. She must have been terrified.” Crimson hummed in agreement, and then finally asked the question that was on her mind since the start of the conversation.
“What’s making you question about the other diamonds now? Is it because of the Ball that Yellow Diamond is hosting?” Crimson spoke.
“Well, yeah.” Orange says casually, or as casually as she could. She didn't want to appear too interested in it, otherwise she was afraid that Crimson would catch on.
“Why would that concern you though? Us Minor diamonds are not allowed to attend balls unless we are officially granted Apprentice titles.” Crimson questioned further, repeating the rehearsed rules that Orange was all too familiar with.
Orange knew she had to come up with something quickly, and so she opted to say “well, Im assisting Yellow with the ball and wanted to know the other diamonds better so that I know how to properly set up the ball. I want to exceed Yellow Diamonds expectations of me, and by having this chance, I hope to prove myself even more to her.” it was basic, but did the trick as Crimson lost interest in Orange Diamonds words.
“Oh-” Crimson propped her head on her hand and leaned on it “I was so hoping that there was something else on your mind-”
“Like what?” Orange shook her head incredulously and turned to Crimson again. There was no way that Crimson knew anything.
“Well, you've served under Yellow diamond for quiet a while. The third longest minor diamond to work for the diamond authority. Not only that, but Canary is quiet young, and stands no chance on your age and wisdom, so… I thought that Yellow Diamond would have made you her apprentice by now…”
“And what of you? Has Pink spoken about making you an apprentice?” Orange countered, and Crimson turned a bright red. It was almost comical how dark she became in a matter of seconds.
“Pink knows she doesn't need to talk to me about my position in her court because it is secured. My only competition being Daria, and Daria is barely one thousand years old. She barely figured out how to fly a dropship a few moons ago, much less having the knowledge on how to assist our diamond in conquering a planet. I've been working tirelessly though to assist Pink when the Diamonds graciously allow her the opportunity to prove herself to them.”
Orange nodded her head, not genuinely listening to Crimsons ramblings, however picked her head back up at the mention of Pink having a colony. “Do you believe that she is ready for a colony?” Orange asked, genuine in her question, and Crimson nodded.
“I firmly believe that she could be a great ruler, a great diamond, because she already is one. She just needs the chance to show it…” Orange pursed her lips, but accepted the answer.
“Ill… Ill let you know if I hear anything about it.” Orange said and excused herself from their conversation.
Talking with Crimson left her with a nagging feeling in the back of her mind. What crimson said could have some truth to it, or it could all be lies, told to Orange to make her look like a fool in front of the diamond authority. She supposed she wouldn't know until the Ball.
(This fic is also posted on AO3 under the name Chaionthemoon. Ao3 is more frequently and accurately updated rather than Tumblr, so to get the next chapter faster I recommend going there first)
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starry-edeline · 8 months ago
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I couldnt help myself and i skimmed through the eps but my goodness i have so many thoughts-
First of all, my poor babies TT they are truly going through it this season and it just breaks my heart
Simon???? PLEASE SOMEONE HELP HIM i really really wish in the finale we see him fully venting out and being vulnerable with wille in the most detailed way possible cuz he needs to do so. Poor thing probably feels so alone and just stunned by this whole fiasco
Wille wille wille, i really feel bad for him man. I will say, his impulsiveness and general aggression is quiTe frustrating and worrisome but i cant blame him when he has so many things weighing on his shoulders including massive blows to the perspective hes grown with. I really want to see him talking things through with Simon and Boris(we stan)
The erik thing? I will say it isnt shocking to hear he did terrible things but what he did is so much worse than expected. Can you imagine how Wille might be feeling? Like the man you looked up to, thought did no wrong and was always supportive and protective towards you did something like this? Its already so disgusting but, imagine hearing that about your brother as a queer person yourself? It just takes up the pain a notch even when its already so high.
A moment to just say, Linda my queen. When she popped oFF in the first ep istg i was so happy like YES. The not trusting simon part was...hurtful but i get her, shes worried about her kids and has been kept in the dark about it all. But the comforting simon while he cries just..that was painful man that hurt simon please never cry.
I hate you August. I sympathise, but i still hate you.
The hugs? the kisses? the hallways scene?? the snuggles?? My heart im so glad there are scenes of them being HAPPY
The end in ep5...listen i hope to god its not an ACTUAL break up and thats the moment they talk things through and wille gets insight to everything happening with simon and in simon's mind. I hope for wilmon endgame and i just want them to be those communicative kings like in s1. Its so painful to see them cry and just be sad...they are only teenagers...
Overall, im really excited for the finale please i wish qll the loose ends are tied and its a ending that makes sense <3 more thoughts on this later when i think about it more-
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demoiselettes · 2 years ago
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HIII!! :D 💞
I was wondering if I could request a Sanemi x Fem! Reader who has bad anxiety and Sanemi comforts her when she has a panic attack?
Sanemi who comforts is the BEST 💕💍
I’m not sure if you want it to be specific or not because if you do it whatever way you want I will love it either way! I HONESTLY DONT CARE IF ITS MODERN AU OR NOT I LOVE SANEMI SO MUCH EEEEEEEEEE 😭💕💕💕💕
If you need an idea here is one!
The reader has bad anxiety and constantly is worrying. She doesn’t want to place the burden on Sanemi for him to worry about but he can tell something is wrong. So one day he comes home and finds her having a panic attack and he comforts her and Swaddles her in a bunch of blankets, placing soft kissed on her face and shushing her worry’s away. BASICALLY JUST ANY COMFORTING AAAAA
To make it juicy maybe he comes home mad and THATS the reason she gets the panic attack!! And he realizes he made her panic.
For a modern au situation maybe they are roommates for collage and they have an apartment together so he helps with her anxiety then. 🙀 
Literally just any comfort where Sanemi helps the reader who has anxiety 😭
THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS! 💞 I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT AND MAKE SURE TO STAY HYDRATED AND DONT OVER WORK YOURSELF!!!!
Don’t feel rushed at all and if you don’t want to that’s okay! I just wanted to take my chance and hope that you will do it!
BYE BYEE 💕💕
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In his arms
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Pairing: Sanemi x reader
Category: angst to fluff
Warning(s)/note(s): fem! Reader, panic attacks, lmk if i missed anything
A/n: HIIII! I loved this request sm cause i really needed to write some good ol’ comfort and i’ve been craving Nemi 🥹 i went with the Taisho Era au itself, i hope you don’t mind! And thank you sm for the kind words!! 💕💗💗💗💗 also i’m so sorry this took a while to write, i’ve beeb low on motivation :(
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The house was quiet.
Sanemi kicked off his sandals and padded inside. He craned his neck in search of you, looking everywhere. It was normal for you to rush and greet him when he came back from a mission. Your absence weighed on him, and the grip around the hilt of his sword tightened.
Pulse pounding in his ears, he rounded the estate, heading towards the engawa that was built at the back. He felt his blood boil, and his stomach churned. He already envisioned your dead body. He already smelt the blood. Tasted the anguish.
But you weren’t dead. Sanemi nearly cried when he saw you idly swinging your legs over the raised platform. Your head was lowered and you seemed to be playing with the sleeve of a haori. Oh. He felt blood rush to his face when he realized you were wrapped in his haori. With an embarrassed sigh, he advanced towards you to scold you for nearly giving him a heart attack and maybe chide you for taking his clothes, even though his chest was warm with adoration. But the closer he got the more he realized you were trembling. He frowned, crouching down in front of you to have a better look at your face. You jolted slightly when you registered his presence, but you offered a smile that didn’t match your haunted eyes.
“Welcome back! How was your mission?”
He didn’t like how small your voice was. It had a slight tremble to it but you concealed it well.
“What’s wrong?”
You blinked. “Nothing. Why?“
He sighed. “Cut the bullshit. Something happened, you’re not okay.”
You absentmindedly pulled the haori closer around you. “No, no.. everything’s alright. I’m just feeling ti-“
“Don’t lie, c’mon.” He frowned up at you. “Did anyone say shit to you? Who do i need to kill?”
You laughed weakly. “Nobody. I’m simply under the weather, ‘Nemi. Oh, and.. sorry for taking your haori.” You sheepishly began sliding it off your body, but he gripped your shoulders to stop you and instead pulled it back on.
“You’re not hiding anything from me, huh?” He asked nonchalantly.
You grimaced. He could see your facade crumbling. You didn’t like lying to him, he knew.
Your moment of hesitance sealed his conclusion and he let himself slide onto the engawa next to you, his arm wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you closer.
He gingerly bumped his head against yours. His hair tickled your ear. “Talk to me.”
“I’ve just- been sort of anxious. I’m used to it.”
“You aren’t supposed to be used to it. What got you worked up?”
You shrugged. “I can’t tell. It feels like it’s.. everything? I’m worried about you, me..” you wrung your hands. “The anxiety just creeps up on me. And when it does i can’t stop it.”
Sanemi understood, of course he did. His world is filled with demons and death looms at every corner. But in his chase for those monsters, he forgot that you are also affected despite not being a demon slayer. He never realized that you simply knowing what his job is might cause you just as much harm as it causes him. Mentally, if not physically.
“You’re shaking.” He murmured. “How long has this been going on?”
You pursed your lips. “A while.”
A while could mean many things. And Sanemi knew from your hesitance that it meant a long time. The guilt for not noticing suddenly weighed on his chest like an elephant.
“Why have you never talked to me about it?” It was meant to be a rhetorical question and so before you answered, you were nestled on his lap. One hand remained on your back while the other came to rest on your thighs.
“You were busy and.. i didn’t want to bother you with it,”
He liked how distracted your voice was. You kept your eyes on his hand atop your thighs and he knew you were getting flustered. Already, your body was shaking less.
“You’re not a bother. You’re my wife, [Name]. I’d appreciate it if you told me what was bothering you.” He flicked your forehead.
The corners of your lips twitched upwards. “Yeah, sorry. I’ll tell you next time.”
There won’t be a next time, Sanemi thought. But he remained quiet. With you this close to him, he could feel your shaky breaths, labored. Something must have triggered you while he was away. It’d caused you to panic more than usual and the only place you’d find solace in was the engawa where— a ball lodged itself in his throat. Where you’d both kissed for the first time. And you were wearing his haori.
His hold on you only tightened.
He guided your head to lay on his chest, relishing at the feeling of having you in his arms. You were safe. You were safe. He swirled the words in his mind, running a hand through your hair.
“Hey.. i love you.” You spoke. “Thanks for this. All of this.”
It was wrong for you to thank him when he should be thanking you for ever giving him love. But he lifted your chin up nonetheless and pressed his lips to yours. It was a silent promise to take better care of you and an apology for being clueless. He’d let you keep the haori too.
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chicspo · 2 months ago
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I’m so devastated. There’s this girl at my job (almost 30) and me (23) and she hates me so much and sees me less than her which is insane bc I’m always minding my own business. She keeps saying stuff like “Ew why do we have people who are [my position in the company) with us” even tho she literally just got promoted from the same position that I’m currently in?? I’m new in this company and everyone say I’m the best so I think that what makes her hate me even more because I’m younger than her and already busting my a$$ to get promoted. I talked to my manager about it and he 100% agreed with me that she has “people management issues” that’s what he called it and he agreed that she’s toxic and in the wrong but wants me to “help her get out of it” and I told him directly, “I’m not here to fix people and I’m not obligated to help anyone. I’m here to do my job and thats it” and he was like it’s up to you if you wanna help her or if you wanna ignore her. but.. He doesn’t do anything about it and he let her control everything. She literally drives him home after work and gets him his coffee every morning and ???? This is a whole different story lol. It’s been weeks now so I decided to take the next step and talk to my coach in the company and he was like “talk to the director, he knows her and can judge better than me but heyyyy don’t forget to mention -if you want to of course- that you wanted to quit your job because of her and I was the one who told you not to do it, and let me know how it goes” and I PAUSED. At this point, I realized that every single one of them is literally just using me for their advantage and I don’t know if it’s even worth it to tell the director because there’s 99% he won’t do anything because he has worked with her before and she’s the kind of person who goes out of their way to please people in higher positions to get what she wants and I’m the complete opposite of that. I don’t kiss no one a$$ lol. Do you think it’s wroth it to tell him especially if he doesn’t have a strong connection with me but I was told before that he tells people that I’m smart..? or should I just stfu and apply for different jobs and run from them as fast as I can? It’s destroying me mentally and I feel like I’m gonna explode. It sucks because she did something terrible to someone who was there before me and he left the company.
u cant change the way a person is or acts. and telling someone else above her to help u is useless. no one will care for u the way u do. if u can endure it then push thru. is it worth it? or is it more worth it to apply for new jobs? u weigh out ur options. there will always be people everywhere who are jealous of you and who want to see you fail. who will tear you down in hopes of getting a reaction out of u. so be strong no matter what and be self sufficient. u dont need anyones help. maybe take this as an opportunity and look for other possibilities in other places if its too hard on you
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raisinchallah · 1 year ago
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not vriska anon but i don’t want vriska to get lonely… terezi
First impression
i liked her instantly like her appearance is 100% what locked me into continuing reading like i enjoyed rose a lot but i had like no fucking clue what was happening most of the time but terezi was so funny and like perfect character designed in a lab for me i just became immediately invested again so i guess everyone can also blame her specifically if you wanna know why im talking about homestuck in 2023 lol
Impression now
i mean again she just like permanently altered my personality and impacted me in ways i can scarcely fathom what can even begin to sum it up.. in some ways perceiving her is like getting too close to a hot flame because its also like shes intimately tied into my entire teenage existence i literally made a bunch of friends in high school cuz i wore my silly little terezi shirt that terezi shirt directly lead to kissing a girl and my first relationship jkfld;dsk she has been there thru everything i still have that terezi shirt one of the old original what pumpkin ones not the we love fine pretenders to the throne etc
Favorite moment
[s] terezi remem8er!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean thats just one of my favorite parts of the comic in general and idk i lost my mind when it dropped felt like the perfect culmination of so many things around terezi and was just very moving for meee like later parts of the comic definitely very hit or miss but there were some things that felt like they did tie things up and like the fact the vriska game over terezi killed who had gone thru all these crazy changes was able to finally meet again with the terezi that literally rewrote the universe to see her again and had been so sad about never finding vriska in the dreambubbles and there at the end of the world the end of the comic they are finally reunited and getting to see bits of their past together as well aaaah and of course alpha terezis sad girl monologue leading into that truly meant the world to me
Idea for a story
not a story but i wanted to make a terezi and vriska no light no light lyricstuck for like 8 years now and it haunts me always
Unpopular opinion
god i have no idea what an unpopular terezi opinion would even be nowadays cuz like back in the day its like controversial take i dont believe terezi exists only to be the matchmaker or girl in the way of davekat or something but i dont think thats controversial or anything idk again i have stayed away from the fandom for so long at this point um idk i think people who ship her with dudes want her to be a manic pixie dream girl so bad
Favorite relationship
well duh vriska but as i have already explained so much about them in the vriska answer and s terezi remember etc i shall say that but also i do really like a lot of her conversations with dave i think its very interesting how both vriska and terezi idk allow themselves to be a bit more vulnerable with humans who dont care about their insane alien values and norms in a way they are afraid to be with each other and literally that fucking conversation where terezis like ok shut up ive listened to every single one of your sad boy problems my time to talk now with dave and talks about weighing her options about killing vriska while daves like still sitting next to bros dead body literally a conversation of all time i think
Favorite headcanon
oh god i dont even know i feel like i have not considered things like this in a long time idk... i am coming up blank
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