#its. the whole thing is really mixed and complex alright its like neither of us is in the right

[ghost-of-the-machine]

i feel. like bad? i need to get it off my chest!!!!

soo. okay i

i avoided my friends for like.. almost a month i guess. 22 days, the only reason i know that is cuz she counted. i didnt think she would, and i feel.. so much conflict. im avoidant when she brings it up, i dont wanna talk about it cuz i know she wont like what i have to say

she got drunk one night, like *really* drunk and she shared with me some pretty real feelings she probably wouldnt have otherwise. it hurt me, but i know she was hurting too. she *insisted* i speak about it, like. VERBALLY, anyone who knows me knows i fall short there. i

things have just been the way that they were for so long, i guess when it changed it was jarring maybe? ive been the loser. we're all losers, but i was the only one in my entire friend group who didnt have other friends outside of said friend group, but now i do!! and it makes me feel so happy, that i have so many friends i love so dearly yknow? but it makes me feel bitter that she doesnt like that

do you know how embarrassing it was? anytime i THOUGHT i had something good, id go and ramble happily about someone who i didnt realize id be LOSING in the next few months. embarrassing, shameful! but not this time

i guess me talking about it made her feel scared, but it upset me, because she got really upset when i told her i love all my friends equally.. i guess she didnt wanna hear that someone i met less than a year ago could be someone i love as much as her, which i get. i get how it sounds, but its not like that!! i love them UNIQUELY. she brings me things they dont, they bring me things she doesnt, im content and balanced and thankful for all of it

i handled it. poorly, i feel like i handled it poorly but i dont blame myself too much, im not known for this skill i guess. she started crying and it? it was like a joke at first but she was emotional cuz of the alcohol and it very quickly became not a joke, its the first time ive like.. heard her cry? and i felt bad that it was my fault and i really dont know how to comfort someone like that, its not a social skill i have upfront!!! over text its easy to collect my thoughts, but verbally? too much mental energy is being used on holding a conversation alone. but i also dont feel bad because its not WRONG for me to love my friends equally, i dont blame her for how she felt ofc

i didnt think i mattered so much to her, i guess. but she told me about it, and it made me... uncomfortable. like, TERRIBLY uncomfortable. thats why i did it, why i started focusing somewhere else. i came back suddenly, they were in the middle of playing a game and it felt so.. alien? like. it made me feel sick, this is my HOME and i felt like a stranger almost. i know 22 days isnt so long, but. idk, ive tried to keep in better contact, we are playing the games now, as we should!! but the truth is that after knowing it hurt her when i talked about my other friends, i just.. stopped talking about them, but i do things with them EVERYDAY, thats my day!! if i cant talk about them, i have nothing to say i guess

its bittersweet, ive sorta gotten back to being the unhinged loser they enjoy having around ig but i still dont talk as much as before, i dont want to because i dont wanna hurt her yknow? im HAPPY. im happy, so happy

she said she felt ashamed feeling the way she did, said she hates that shit but its still how she feels, i dont blame her. honestly?? its giving bpd like MY PERSONAL OPINION... with the way she described how she felt about me, i think shes one of us but. that adds a whole other layer, the discomfort i felt, is that how i make people feel? when im obsessed with them? when i feel like i cant exist without them? it feels so wrong to say things like this, shes my best friend, ive known her for years.. its just. we dont do emotions, i guess? and i think thats wrong of me cuz she expressed that she wanted it like that, she wanted to be open and vulnerable, and i didnt like it!!! we can do it over text sure, but.. sit and talk with me? she dmed me the other day saying like 'dommm we should vc, i wanna get drunk and have therapy again while you give me good advice'. i ignored her text, on purpose. usually its NEVER on purpose, if i dont respond you can bet like 100% i clicked the message, read it and then went back to what i was doing because i was distracted, or i have a really bad tendency of THINKING my replies and not actually sending them and being like yep. social interaction well done. but no, i ignored it on purpose. anytime she asks us "guys, yes or no..." i say no, cuz i know the question is if she should drink or not. i know she'll still drink anyways, i just leave early, pretend my new sleep schedule is the reason why, pretend im tired because it makes me uncomfortable still

im not good at it!!! i cant give her what she needs like THAT.. i cant have her sit there and tell me all her problems and cry, i CANT because i dont know how to handle it! like i genuinely have no idea how to handle that at all. over text i could probably manage just fine, but she wanted me to sit there, wanted my camera on and everything.. i felt like i really? i mean i TRIED, i did my best, i listened to her, i can always do that.. the problem is she wants advice, you will not get advice from me if im forced to physically speak. so i just feel like i let her down, yknow? i dont know

ive backed myself into a corner probably, im too scared to be open cuz she tends to forget the things she says when shes drunk, so maybe she doesnt remember telling me how she feels about me? i guess theres an added layer of discomfort, because like. when we were 18 i think? she drunkenly confessed that she had a crush on me and it felt really.. ive never seen her differently for that, you can absolutely trust. shes my best friend and i never pushed her away despite those feelings, i just had to tell her i didnt feel the same and it never came up again, and we've been fine! but, knowing how she feels about me now? it makes me uncomfortable because of that, its hard to describe. idk its a lot of mixed feelings!!!! nothing i could ever tell her, probably

and it made me feel horrible for all the times ive ever talked fondly about my friends, or the times i was breaking down so badly over them that i had no choice but to cry and wail in my channel, knowing literally only one of them probably would respond (which was true, they talked me thru it a little bit). thats where our emotional talk ends. i dont want to be emotional with someone i know physically, it stresses me out!!!! yes i love you so much, you are my entire world!! ill kiss yr hair and hands and we can cuddle, we can spend a whole day together and go out to eat, we can sit at home and play games, we can do all of it! but.. online its easy, im words on a screen. physically?

i hate to feel GUTTED. i hate feeling vulnerable, i hate feeling EXPOSED. that first time i went to therapy for fucking GENDER DYSPHORIA and our first session was *wasted*, wasted because i had to tell my mom that i wanted to kill myself. sinking in my stomach. all those times ive had traumatic response to them fighting, the fucking scars because of that, the times my family have seen the scars. IM TIRED imf ucking tired, i hate to feel that way. i hate being exposed i hate having my heart on display i hate it all!!! i hate someone knowing something about me, i wont let myself be pressured into sharing trauma and details, i want it SECRET. share yr trauma with me, thats FINE, but its like. idk i wanted that call to end to fast, it was completely out of my comfort zone and i feel GUILTY for that. im averse to change, i really hate change actually. i made a whole post talking about our dynamic and how i adored it, and then it was sorta flipped on its head? i stopped playing that little dragon game on roblox cuz i was playing that while we were talking and anytime i fly around looking for chests, the memory of that conversation comes back to me. i want to forget

we fit like a glove, we're back to how we always have been when we talk, but.. she mentioned it the other day. thats how i knew i was avoidant for 22 days, she told me she counted. i felt bad, cuz i hoped she wouldnt notice. i couldnt think of anything to say, other than "well.. i was monster hunting idk man" and she sounded upset with me when i said it. we moved on quickly but. im not made for that. what did she want me to say? whatever she wanted, i clearly didnt say it. idk i just feel lost, feel stuck and the worst thing?

i dont want to be exposed to anyone but them. like THATS the thing, maybe if i didnt have them then id be fine with it, but.. it makes me uncomfortable, feels like betrayal. they can see that side of me, no one else can because i dont WANT anyone else to. i trust them, i feel safe enough to be vulnerable around them, its a big step for me and one that i dont take lightly. its not her fault i dont feel safe, and lord knows i trust her!!! its just.. different. opening up is hard, i feel more.. understood? i guess you could say. idk its just. hard to describe. i love my friends so much, but my friendships are all UNIQUE and thats why i love them. talking to either is fulfilling!!! incredibly, in very different ways but still!

idk it just sucks i guess, it makes me sad that me talking about my happiness is a sore spot for her, ive never been happier in my whole life!!! but i know it probably hurts her that it wasnt her that gave me that happiness. theres nothing i can do about that!! she makes me happy in another way, one exclusive to her. we are so sillay in vc, its FUN i have so much fun with her, but i think that.. maybe by telling her that a while ago, i fucked up. i shouldnt have told her she was my BEST best friend, i shouldnt have i just get.. natural tendency to tell people what they want, avoid conflict.

it feels like it established an accidental conflict, one no one else knows about. did i make her think i loved her more than my friend? or my other friend? like it makes me sick, but you cant just BACK TRACK. i cant just say actually? like i love them also yknow. cuz that would hurt her probably, its like im fucked no matter what!!! sure we ahve good chemistry in vc, the best chemistry in that whole friend group when vcing, but? i used to refer to one of them as my spouse like. MUTUALLY, we were married platonically okay. the other one? i love him so much hes so silly and . GRGR like. i just hate this idea, but its all my fault it exists. no backbone. i love my friends EQUALLY. i have a lot of love to give everyone, it would hurt me so badly if i wasnt loved equally, thats why i love the way i do. i even told her, im INSISTENT with it. i refuse to love inequally, it would hurt people and i hate that!!! but. i hurt her regardless, its. IDK man its a lot im just airing this out, she'll never see this, none of them will. good

we can move on from this, we mostly already have. im just scared i might have to put my foot down a bit, and tell her that it made me uncomfortable, i dont want to put her in that situation but if we get there then we get there. we'll be okay im sure

[foilfreak]

BEAUTY AND HER BEAST: Chapter 9 (temporary 1-2 week hiatus being taken from his fic, click ao3 link and read end notes to find out why. I WILL BE COMING BACK!!!)

WARNING PLZ READ BEFORE CONTINUING: This fic is rated NSFW and contains graphic depictions of things some people may find disturbing or alarming, including, but not limited to: violence, gore, unhealthy family relationships, Oedipus complexes, gratuitous amount of pornographic literature, ableist language, physical, mental, and emotional abuse, etc. If you are someone who does not enjoy fiction with these elements in them, then I suggest you refrain from reading this, because this fic will have all that, and probably a lot more. So, this is your first and final warning to turn around and go somewhere else if stuff like this just isn't your vibe, because from this point forward, your emotional wellbeing is in your own hands, and I will not be accepting blame if you disregarded my warnings and ended up reading something you didn't like. Idk why I feel compelled to write one of these despite this being Resident Evil fanfic, but I figured I'd cover my ass just in case.

(AO3 link below)

Despite the shrill echo of Nadine’s terrified voice being something Salvatore has prepared himself for since before the young woman even arrived in the reservoir, the real thing was still somehow 100 times worse than he could have ever imagined it being.

Chaos followed as Salvatore frantically left his hiding spot, crawling across the floor as quickly as his mangled body would allow, as a loud crashing sound vibrates the whole room once Nadine’s body finally lands, quite uncomfortably I might add, on the hardwood of the floor. The sudden frantic and terrified swinging of her arms following Salvatore’s verbal slip knocked the poor woman off balance, sending her right back down to the floor for a second time.

Staring at the writhing figure of Nadine from the other corner across the room, Salvatore sniffles pitifully to himself as tears cascade down his face. Oh how appropriately cruel, that the universe wouldn’t even give Salvatore the decency of a proper meeting with Nadine, much less a chance at friendship and even less at anything past that. It makes perfect sense that this would be the way Nadine found out how disgusting and pathetic he is. Sitting alone in a dark and dingy room, watching old romance films because he has no one of his own to hold and love like the men in the movies do, and eating entire blocks of cheese all on his own, because nothing pairs with unending loneliness like the tang of sharp cheddar and the horrible stomach ache that follows it.

Putting his hands up to cover his face, a final effort to hide himself away from the beautiful woman’s gaze, Salvatore merely sat in his new corner, his shoulders shaking with sobs of agony and his body trembling in fear as Nadine’s gaze finally locked on to him, and him alone this time, in the dark silence of the room.

“H-Hey… are you alright? I’m sorry I yelled like that, I didn’t mean to startle you like that, but you suddenly spoke up out of nowhere and it scared me half to death” The soft voice from across the room asks, causing Salvatore to pause in his moment of self-loathing. Did… did she just ask him if he was alright? Wasn’t he the one who was supposed to ask her that?

“W-what…?” Salvatore chokes out, peering out slightly from behind the cover of his hood in confusion. The sight he’s met with is one that steals his breath away, much like the first time he laid eyes upon the stunning beauty this tiny woman held. However, unlike their “first” meeting, that took place back in Mother Miranda’s lab, this time there was no metal pod separating the two, Salvatore realized, as the sight of Nadine, slouched tiredly on the ground barely a few feet away from where he cowered in the corner, registered in the mutant man’s mind.

Next, of course, came her actual appearance. Black strands tousled messily across her forehead framed her round face and golden eyes perfectly. Her long white dress bunched up around her upper thighs, revealing the curves of her large, but muscular legs, that had previously been obscured by the material of her dress. Slouched shoulders and heavy breathing caused the material of Nadine’s nightgown to slowly inched its way down the front of her chest, not exposing her necessarily, but definitely revealing more and more of her lusciously plump breasts with every harsh up and down of her shoulders.

Tears continued to fall from Salvatore’s eyes even as saliva began to fill his mouth and his fear and self-loathing slowly gave way to the growing fire beginning to kindle in the pit of his stomach. The sound of his muffled sobs of anguish and arousal escaping from behind his hands causes Nadine’s face to immediately fall, agony replacing the previously wild look her face held.

“N… N-no. No no, please don’t cry. It’s alright. I-I-I’m not going to hurt you… I mean it… see… I don’t have any weapons on me” Nadine says hurriedly, standing up and doing a spin to show that nothing that could pose potential harm to Salvatore was hiding between the folds or frills of the thin garment. “See! Nothing to hide.”

Salvatore merely closed his tear soaked eyes and shook his head, the motion moving his whole body along with it. “Nooooooooooo… y-you d-don’t… under-s-stand…”

“What do you mean? What don’t I understand?” Nadine asked, kneeling back down to the ground, moving slightly closer to Salvatore than she was before, a terrifyingly genuine look of concern and worry etched into her beautiful features.

The mutant man fought back a wave of nausea and choked on a sob at the angelic sight. Hoards of hormones equating to despair and arousal battle within the hellish confines of Salvatore’s brain. The mutant man was filled with so many mixed emotions that he genuinely couldn’t tell if he wanted to tear himself apart until not a scrap of evidence of his existence remained, or if he wanted to just spring forward and consume the delectably dangerous morsel that sat so prettily before him, like an octopus latching itself upon the almighty great white shark as it just passes above their home, pulling the now helpless and unsuspecting predator down into the depths of a true monster’s domain.

“Hey, come on now. It sounds like you’re having a hard time breathing. Why don’t you come out of the corner where the air’s a little fresher, ya?” The young woman coaxes gently, moving ever so slightly closer to Salvatore as she speaks. The movement does not go unnoticed by the hooded man, nor does the way it pushes her dress even further up her already decently exposed thighs, but with little ability to stop Nadine’s incremental advances, Salvatore merely buries his face into his hands, blocking as much of his disgustingly bloated maw as he possibly could, even as the young woman attempted to change her angle to get a better look at him.

“P-p-please… jus-just stop!” Salvatore commands, suddenly filled with a wave of confidence that abandons him just as quickly as it arrived. “j-j-j… j-just… g-go… please…”

A light mist has become visible in the light reflecting off of Nadine’s eyes, the young woman looking truly saddened by the strange man’s utter rejection of her. Whether it was out of pity for Salvatore’s sake, or fear of her own impending isolation should the likes of Salvatore even reject her company, the hooded man could neither tell, nor did he really want to know.

“Well that’s not a very nice thing to say to someone trying to be your friend now is it? I might not look as normal as I used to but I’m not here to cause any trouble” Nadine scolds lightly, her voice strong, though even Salvatore can detect a slight wobble. “But… if you can give me a valid reason why I should leave, then… then I’ll do it, no questions asked.”

A valid reason? What other reason did she need than to get away from him?

Salvatore takes a moment to wipe away some of the tears that coated his face, slightly peeking out to look at the younger woman once again before speaking. “Y-you… you can’t… s-stay here… th-this place… it i-isn’t… isn’t g-good enough f-for you… it’s… i-its not w-worthy… I-i… I’m… n-not worthy… of you…”

Nadine shifts slightly closer once again, a pained look cut into her face like a raging storm cuts through large waves out in the open ocean. Her whole body was a sea of turbulent waters as she gingerly reached her hand forward, slowly but surely inching her way closer to Salvatore, until her wine dark fingers just barely brushed against the thick, rugged fabric of his overcoat.

Silence befell the two mutants, permeating the room with tension so thick and heavy Salvatore thought he might suffocate.

The cornered man could not bring himself to look up as Nadine’s delicate fingers gently latched on to the article of clothing covering his wretched and disgusting form. Salvatore shuddered as he prepared himself for what was inevitably to come once Nadine removed his overcoat: the biting cold of the surrounding area pinching and nipping at his thick, but sensitive flesh; another shrill shriek of fear and terror that would pierce him to his very core; the sound of Nadine, beautiful, gorgeous, perfect, immaculate Nadine, fleeing not just the underground tunnels that had lead her to discover this place, but also the reservoir, never to be seen again.

Salvatore wouldn’t blame her for this choice, of course. After all, it’s what he would do if he found himself trapped with a wretched creature as grotesque and pitiful as he himself was. Death wasn’t an option Salvatore had the luxury of entertaining, but he never blamed others if they chose it over him.

He would too, if he could.

Despite his earlier expectations, the hand on his coat never moves to take the garment off the trembling man, instead, moving to gently run along the side of Salvatore’s head, down his shoulders, before resting itself softly, but firmly, along the area of growths that covered the small of his back. After taking a moment to allow the violent trembling of Salvatore’s body, in response to the young woman’s gentle caresses, to calm down to something more manageable, Nadine slowly lifts her left hand and rests it on the opposite side of the hunched-over man’s head, yet she makes no move to try and take his cloak off or remove his face from his hands.

Stillness and silence return for a brief moment, almost as though Nadine were waiting for Salvatore to raise objection to her advances and stop her, as if he had the power or control to do anything but cower in the corner and cover his growing excitement in shame. With no explicit objections voiced, the hands resting gently around Salvatore began to slowly pull him toward Nadine’s body.

“Come here” Nadine’s soft, heavenly voice commands lightly, as Salvatore’s body does as instructed with no resistance whatsoever. A broken sob of humiliating arousal escapes the hooded man when he gently falls forward into Nadine’s lap, her arms quickly moving to wrap around and hold the hooded man against her soft, warm, and strong body.

“Shhhh, it’s alright. There’s no need to be so worked up. You have nothing to be afraid of, here” Nadine coos soothingly, as her hand gently caresses his thin, leather covered arm.

Salvatore cries pitifully as the painfully comforting words and actions make him want to vomit from overjoy. “Y-you… you d-dont unders-s-stand…” the hunched man weeps, his voice slightly muffled by his knees as he continues trying to hide his face by shoving it as far between his legs as he’s physically capable.

“What don’t I understand? Could you explain it to me?” Nadine asks, patiently holding the sobbing mess of a man firmly against herself as he collects himself enough to answer.

“I-it isn’t… you… th-that I f-fear…” Salvatore begins, trailing off as another wave of cold dread and fiery desire collide violently somewhere deep inside the hooded man’s chest.

“What is it that you’re afraid of then? If not... me?” The young woman’s angelic voice questioned, the slightly fearful and worried tone of her voice toward the end of her question, as if what Salvatore thought of her was even worth her precious time to worry about, made the mutant man’s stomach wretch sickeningly.

“I-I… I f-fear… oh god-” Salvatore began, before promptly shutting up and shoving Nadine as far away from him as he could from that angle, throwing himself to the floor, on his hands and knees, in the opposite direction just as a wave of acidic bile forces its way from the confines of the man’s mouth and out onto the floor in front of him. His own hideous reflection stares back at him in the growing puddle of stomach acid once he’s done.

A spiteful reminder from the universe of what he was and why he lived the way that he did.

Drunkenly reaching his hand forward to smear the vomit puddle around so he at least didn’t have to look at himself AND sit in his own filth while he gathered the energy to get up and wash off in the lake, Salvatore missed the way Nadine’s eyes narrowed in confusion at the man’s clumsy movements, before suddenly widening as she realized what the hooded man was doing.

“No, wait! Don’t touch that, it’ll only make you feel worse if you fiddle around with that nasty stuff” Nadine says hurriedly, as she rushes forward to take Salvatore’s moving hand in her own and presses it firmly against her bosom to prevent the man from playing around in his own throw up. She gasps in shock and her grip tightens around Salvatore’s hand, as though she’d suddenly remembered something important she’d forgotten about and Salvatore’s hand had brought it back to her conscious mind, before shaking her head and pulling herself from her thoughts.

“Oh, you poor thing! Here, let me wipe your face for you, and try to take deeper, slower breaths while you’re at it. You’ve managed to work yourself into such a panic that it's no wonder you’re throwing up all over yourself.”

The room is spinning far too fast and in far too many different directions for Salvatore to really be sure what’s going on, however the feeling of Nadine’s skin pressed against his own as she tenderly raised the edge of her pristine white dress to wipe away the lines of green acidic bile that had been left on Salvatore’s lip, was a sensation of euphoria unlike anything the hooded man has ever felt before in his entire life.

Not even Mother Miranda’s own embrace felt quite as… ‘brutal’ wasn’t the appropriate word to use based on its true definition, but in that instance it's the only word that Salvatore can think of to describe how intense everything around him, Nadine especially, feels at the present moment. Her touch, her scent, her warmth, her weight, her firm grip around him, the constant rhythmic thrum of her heart beat against his cold, bony hand, all of it was so intensely brutal that it was a wonder how the combined effect didn’t beat him into the floor. It was too much for Salvatore to handle all at once, and yet he knew that if the kind angel sitting next to him retracted so much as a single one of those sensations, he’d lose himself to insanity like careless swimmers lose themselves to sudden rapid currents.

Salvatore threw up 3 more times before his stomach finally allowed him the relief the hooded man had desperately been craving. The floor was an absolute mess by this point, but thanks to Nadine, who’d managed to keep his upper body upright the whole time, Salvatore hadn’t made nearly as much of a mess of himself as he normally did, though that still didn’t fix the primary problem that had resulted in all that vomiting.

“There we go. That must feel a lot better, huh?” Nadine asks calmly, pulling Salvatore in to rest against her chest once again, his face still turned downward and away in avoidance.

Although Salvatore does not grace her question with a response, the hooded man has long since given up trying to get away from the young woman, at this point just allowing her to move him however she pleased, taking in as much of her kindness and affection as he possibly could, before she inevitably hightails it out of here, of course. It was only a matter of time, at this rate.

“You know… you’re a lot bigger than I expected you to be” comes a sudden declaration from Nadine, breaking the silence that had permeated throughout the room and immediately pulling Salvatore from his dejected whimpering.

“I mean… I suppose I should have expected that, especially since most middle schoolers are taller than me, nowadays” the young woman continues with a lighthearted chuckle, “but you looked so small and stump-like from all the way up in that stupid pod that I couldn’t help but be a little surprised when I felt you had arms and legs. You could have very well had a snake for a body for all I knew and I still don’t think I’d have been as surprised, though this huge coat you're wearing certainly doesn’t make getting a good look at you very easy.”

“Th… that’s th-the point…” Salvatore mumbles, though seemingly more to himself than anyone else.

“Really? And why is that?” Nadine asks curiously, clearly having heard the older man’s muttering.

“I-if… if you k-knew me… you’d know… th-the answer to that q-question” Salvatore replies sadly, fresh tears beginning to prickle along his lower lid, threatening to spill over as the depressing reality of his meaningless existence makes itself more than obvious.

He was a filthy monster who deserved to spend the rest of his life alone and miserable, because why would something as unholy as him ever be worthy of anything else?

“Oh, now I don’t think that’s true at all. After all, I’d like to think I know you pretty well, and I still want to see what you look like” Nadine counters, her words shocking Salvatore beyond belief.

She… knew him? How? When? In what ways? What?

The only other time they’ve ever interacted was back in Mother Miranda’s laboratory. While the hooded man supposed his gifts could be aiding in Nadine’s surprisingly positive impression of him, he hesitated to call receiving a dress and a necklace from a random stranger “knowing” someone. How on earth could she say she knew him when, for all intents and purposes, they’ve only just met?

“B-b-but… h-how… how d-do you k-know… m-me? Y-you have… t-trouble… seeing… d-dont you? D-did… did y-you see me… b-back in the l-lab?” Salvatore asks, tears belonging to an unspecified emotion once again beginning to fall as a hand moves to gently grasp at the bones lining the top of his hood.

“Unfortunately no, I wasn’t able to get a good look at you before, hence why I was trying so hard to catch a glimpse of you earlier. You are, however, right in the assumption about my eyesight. I have severely impaired vision, yes, but it's manageable with a strong enough prescription; not that I see myself getting to an eye doctor anytime soon for a new pair of contacts. But even without my contact lenses, I can still make out general movements, as well as general shapes and colors, pretty easily from far away, it's just fine details from a distance and darkness that give me the most trouble. My vision is actually perfectly normal so long as whatever I’m looking at is within a few feet of me. If I looked down right now, I’d probably be able to see your face normally. Do you hide your face away from everyone around here?” the young woman asks curiously, gently pulling the dark fabric of the hood back, slowly revealing Salvatore’s face to the dim light of the room, even as her gaze remained locked on the wall behind them.

“N-not… e-everyone… th-there’s a f-few… who… who I sh-show my f-face to… regularly” Salvatore chokes.

Really?” Nadine asks, “like who?”

“M-my… siblings.”

“Oh, so you’re not the only one around here then? Are your siblings here in the reservoir?”

“N-no… th-they live… in o-other places… of th-their own… a-around the v-village.”

“Wow, so there is more of this place to explore, then!” Nadine states excitedly. “I’d love to get out and see more of the area for myself at some point, though I doubt that’s very wise given the amount of howling I’ve heard the past few nights and the fact I don’t know my way around this area... though, even if I did, that memory is probably long gone along with the fucking rest of them… not that I would have wanted to hold onto them anyways, I don’t think.”

Salvatore’s attention is caught by the last bit of Nadine’s statement, confusion filling him over what the younger woman could possibly mean by what she’d just said. “‘G-gone along w-with the rest o-of them?’... W-what… d-does that… what d-do you m-mean?”

Nadine remains silent for a moment as she continues to absentmindedly stroke the side of Salvatore’s head, the hooded man unable to tell what she could possibly be feeling right now without risking exposing his face to her.

Thankfully, Nadine resumes speaking before Salvatore loses patience and gets too risky. “My memory of the life I had before waking up in that damn pod is foggy at absolute best, but I don’t need my memories to know that I wasn’t very happy with my previous life and that I was actively trying to get away from it somehow. What exactly was I even running from and where was I going? Who knows, and frankly I don’t care to relearn it either. I do think it's quite funny that you were talking about me needing to go somewhere else because this place isn’t good enough for me though, because honestly, even if I could somehow get the hell out of here, it's not like I’d have anywhere else to go. Getting away from the shitty life I had before is probably how I ended up here to begin with, though if I’d known this was how things would end up I might have reconsidered throwing it all away so suddenly.”

Had it not been for Mother Miranda being there for him throughout the years, Salvatore would probably think much the same way as Nadine about the whole situation, but having Mother meant he always had a purpose and a goal to work towards, so it didn’t matter that Salvatore couldn’t return to his old life. What shocked the deformed man the most however, was the fact that Nadine appeared to not only already accept the fact that she couldn’t go back to her former life, but seemed to actively be searching for something, anything new to try and fill the void that had been left behind by the life she’d, more or less, willingly gave away to come up here.

Could… could this mean…?

“Thankfully my ability to make new memories doesn’t seem to have been fucked up at all, which I’m quite happy about since I'll be needing to make a lot to fill in the empty spaces in my brain. We met for the first time in the underground laboratory I was being kept in, though I suppose it was less ‘meeting’ and more ‘seeing’ for the first time, but… still. I don’t know why you were there, or who was with you at the time, but I remember waking up just before you were about to leave. There were a couple others who’d come, before you, to look at me and a couple others for some reason, but you were the one who stuck out the most, to me. You were… special!”

Shock and dumbfounded awe nearly choke the life right out of Salvatore. He could barely comprehend a single word the young woman was saying to him, yet he clung to every heavenly syllable she uttered like they were the foundations of the word of god itself. The pain and agony he normally felt due to his cadou mutations momentarily paused, slowly weaning from its usual constant thrum to a dull numbness that felt surprisingly euphoric in all it’s nothingness.

“S-special? Me?” Salvatore breathed, almost unable to believe the words, even as Nadine hummed in affirmation of their truth. “B-but… how…?”

The giddy chuckle Salvatore’s mundane question pulled from Nadine shook the deformed man to his very core. Her girlish laughter rattles violently around inside the deformed man’s head, playing the sweet, holy tune over and over again, like a broken record that Salvatore would happily go insane listening to for the rest of eternity if he could.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’d have assumed you knew exactly what you were doing with how sweetly you talked back there, why it's almost criminal how suavely you stroked and tugged at the strings of my delicate heart. All the others were so rude, boring, and/or annoying that I thought I might die if I ended up stuck with one of them, but then you came in and swept me right off my feet. It was like nothing else I’ve ever felt before and immediately told me that you weren’t like all the others, you were a kind man and if I ever ran into you I could tell I’d be able to trust you…” Nadine trails off for a moment. “When I learned that we were being moved out of containment and onto our “permanent homes”, I hoped and prayed that I’d be lucky enough to end up wherever you were, but I didn’t want to get too excited until I found out for certain.”

“Th-then how did y-you know… it-it was me?”

“How could I possibly not? You set yourself apart from all the others right out of the gate. I'm honestly shocked you don’t remember it yourself. But there's not a single doubt in my mind that I know exactly who you are… er- well, I suppose a more appropriate way of putting that would be “I know exactly who you are to me”, not that what other people say or think has ever really been something I’ve taken with more than a grain of salt” Nadine giggle beautifully, smiling kindly as she cradled Salvatore’s hoodless, tear soaked face against her, like he were the most precious thing she’d ever laid eyes upon and wanted to hold and protect him until the end of time.

Unable to look away any longer, Salvatore allows his head to rise from his knees until it settles upon the face of the woman currently cradling him in her arms. Her gaze remained turned away from Salvatore for a moment, though for some reason the hooded man had a feeling that it was more out of respect for him and his boundaries than a lack of desire to see his face.

What a strange thing, to be treated with more kindness, love, and respect from a complete stranger than from the majority of people you interact with.

Salvatore wanted to cry when Nadine’s golden eyes finally lowered to him, her face slowly shifting downwards until their noses were little more than an inch apart from one another, though whether his tears were from agony or ecstasy, even he couldn’t properly tell at the present moment. Only one question was on his mind and the deformed man would stop at nothing until he got an answer for it.

“W-who… who am I-I… t-to y-you?” Salvatore asks, his voice barely above a whisper as he forces himself to stare directly into the endless pool of honey yellow swirling around in her irises, wanting-no… needing to know, to see with his own two eyes, what exactly he was to this woman, and whether that answer would spell endless disaster for him and his deep seeded desires, or be the key that unlocks a world of possibilities almost as endless as the spheres of gold that Salvatore finds himself unable, or rather unwilling, to tear his gaze from, lest this be the first, and last time he ever be blessed enough to see them from this close.

A long moment of silence passes as Nadine returns Salvatores gaze, the fondness of her expression only growing as she lowers her forehead to rest against his, a soft, almost breathlessly enamored expression that he’d only seen on black and white screens cast toward men eons more pleasant to look at than he was, slowly spread across her perfect face as she finally answers Salvatore’s question.

“You’re the lovely man who held my hand!”

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Six | Dogbass (Part 1 of 2)

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

Updates might be delayed/advanced occasionally due to the holidays from here on, meaning the usual schedule should go back to normal by mid January!

• • •

"Here ya go."

"Thank you."

The consistent tremble of your hand complicates your ability to so much as open the can he's handed out to you. Regardless, you stay quiet and struggle with each attempt you make in opening it, though he offers to do that for you not long after your third try. You hand it over and take it back after it's open and after you've managed to calm yourself a little more through deep and silent breaths.

"We really shouldn't go today with the state you're in," Sans says, sitting next to you on the bench, although leaving enough space for a third person to sit right between you. Whether he's trying to keep distance due to your condition or the fact that you're still just acquaintances -- or both -- is unknown to you, but you're grateful for it. The space helps with your dizziness and the persistent feeling of having every little thing overwhelm you, from the heat of the sun to the loudness of the park and its crowds. "The tour's mostly walkin' for hours, so it's not the best idea if you're all dizzy and stuff." His irises fall on your drink as soon as you finish drinking it. "Need another one? There's also ice cream and donuts if you're up for it." 

"I'm fine." You smile and stand up to go throw the can away. Walking still feels like balancing yourself on an ever-thinning thread, but you have a little more coordination now, sufficient for you not to appear drunk, nor for you to cling onto a complete stranger like you had just a few moments ago when getting down from the bus. It's pathetic to think you had to use the monster for support while going down a few steps, when Frisk managed to travel all over the Underground all on their own and without your guidance. Still, you set those thoughts aside with the reminder that you're still weak and that your health's taken a toll large enough to last for a few more weeks before your full recovery. 

You sit back down with Sans and observe the dogs running around the park, some in groups with others of their kind, some playing fetch and tug-of-war with their owners, and some asking for belly rubs from strangers.

"About the envelope…" you say, trailing off mid-sentence.

"What about it?" Sans asks, looking at you again.

Reluctance causes a noticeable delay in what you want to say and an increase in the intensity of your symptoms, these dulled temporarily by the juice's high fructose and vitamin content. "What's… What's the money for, if it's not for fixing my phone?"

"For your health." His face nearly softens up as he says that, though it goes back to its usual, stoic self when he adds, "You must've taken a few days off just to deal with Frisk's situation, and you've hadda use your own sick days, too, so we all pitched in to help you with that."

"We?" You quirk a brow and frown as you think back on the envelope and all the notes you'd read. None of them hinted at the money being from any other person besides him, and it was the only item inside the envelope that didn't have an individual note attached to it. "Wasn't it all from you?"

The flicker of his irises already gives you the answer, surprise revealing itself with how his gaze widens. "Wasn't there a note stuck to it? It's supposed to be from Tori, Paps, and me."

Though knowing it's much more likely they all pitched in with one hundred each rather than it all being from him alone, you have no memory of any other notes, and even less one related to the money. Curiosity strikes, but you try not to jump to conclusions yet. "There wasn't any. Maybe... Maybe it got mixed up with the other notes?"

"The money was in a different envelope though. Did Paps give you just one letter only?"

"Yeah, but it had the notebook, permit, tickets, and all that."

"Then he must've done somethin' with it."

You both stay quiet as you contemplate the situation. 

So, long story short, his brother had taken both envelopes and smushed them into one. It makes sense thinking back on how the letter looked like it was about to burst, but the reason for him to do that and the missing note are two whole other anomalies you've left to find any answers for. It's possible the note could've simply fallen off while Papyrus passed all the items into one letter, but why would he even do that in the first place?

Those questions make rounds about your mind, until you remember the conversation you had with him on the train. Sans seems to realize something, too, and you both act in coordination to your epiphanies by looking away from each other in a subtle manner and scooting back to your side of the bench until reaching the edge, leaving even more space between you. The likelihood of his brother attempting to set you up is apparent, but neither of you acknowledge it to each other. If that hadn't been an innocent and honest mistake, then Papyrus really was trying to push his brother into dating by making him appear a lot more well-off and giving than he seemed. 

"Uh, I-

"Maybe-"

Whatever forced and awkward conversation you're both about to initiate is interrupted by a large Samoyed, big, fluffy, and full of energy. He throws himself on the bench space left between you and leaves his stomach out in display, likely waiting for attention like all the other dogs running after unsuspecting strangers without any pets of their own. His tail wags faster than lightning, and he barks until you give him what he requests, even more when the monster next to you gives him head scratches to go with your belly rubs. The dog's face is pure bliss throughout, and the tense atmosphere fades the longer you pet him.

When you both stop, the dogs stays in that position for a while, body left limp from all the pets. The tense atmosphere returns in an instant, and even more so when you both attempt to boop his snout. That only results in you brushing your hand with the monster's while the dog left underneath licks at both of them, once more helping end the awkwardness of the situation.

"Should we go back now?" you ask, finally capable of pushing through the tension. The ice breaks further as Sans nods, and you both stand up, leaving the dog at the bench, owner left unknown. It's strange to think you're so close yet so far away from the Underground. If it weren't for the state of your physical health, you would've only needed to walk a few more steps, past the dog park and through the gates. 

A high-pitched woof from behind makes you turn around and expect a Chihuahua to come running at you full speed, though it turns out to be the same dog from before. He's back to his energetic state, complete with his tail wagging faster than before and his tongue now stuck out. He follows even as you walk backwards and stares with a tilted head and confused expression when you stop moving. Sans notices you've fallen behind by the time he's a few feet away and turns back around to assess the situation, first with confusion and then with a chuckle. 

"Think this one's a stray?" Sans asks. He then approaches the dog and gets down on one knee to pat him on the head, gaining a few satisfied barks from him. His irises focus on the dog's neck when he adds, "There's no collar on him." He looks up at you next. "Maybe we could do somethin' about it next time we come back 'ere?" 

"Sure," you reply, smiling. "Looks like he's already interested in us, anyway."

"That, or he just wants more pets." The skeleton stands up and signals for the dog to keep himself firm in place, complementing his actions by talking to him directly. "Stay." He takes a few steps back to test the dog, who responds by taking a few forward, following the monster now. "Stay," he repeats, to no avail. "(Y/N) needs to go back home and rest." Sans points with his irises towards you when he says your name, breaking formalities to communicate with the dog. "Alright?"

As if leaving the job of dog whisperer unnamed in the information he'd given you, Sans's words seem to have an immediate effect on the Samoyed, who gives one sharp bark once and nods. He then turns around and walks off, leaving you be. Even the monster looks caught off guard by the results, though he laughs it off while you smile. Your gaze and his own draw themselves to the dog continuing to make his way back to the park, until he reaches the bench you'd both sat on. "Didn't think that'd work."

He slips his hands in his pockets and resumes the walk with you towards the bus stop, mood thankfully much lighter between you even as you both reach your destination and wait with no other people around besides him nearby. His irises narrow as he looks up at you, focusing on your face. "You allergic to dogs?" he asks, grinning. "Your face's all puffy."

Checking yourself through your phone's camera is more than necessary to know what he means by that, and when you do, you bite down on your lip to keep yourself from bursting out a laugh. "...Y- Yeah," you mutter, words followed by a sheepish smile. "I forgot."

"You forgot you're allergic to dogs?"

"They're too cute for me to worry about that." Your defense is quick and unfaltering as you grin down at him. "And it's only a mild allergy anyway. It's cats I'm more allergic to, but even then I can't help myself when it comes to being around animals -- specially big and fluffy ones!"

"Can't argue with that," he says, chuckling. "You bring a compelling statement." He looks towards the bus when it arrives and continues with, "Wanna stop by a pharmacy before we go?"

"It's alright," you reply, shaking your head. "I think I have some medicine with me."

"In that satchel you're always carryin' around?"

"It's in case anything happens while I'm out with Frisk."

"Even when they're not around?"

"Yes. What if someone else needs it?"

He grins and walks with you to the bus. "You really are a first-time (mom/dad), huh?" 

You settle down with him on the seats nearest to the door and place your bag over your lap to prevent occupying another seat. "...What makes you think that?"

"Tori and I go way back. Though we only saw each other in person just recently, we got to know each other long before that, and she told me all about how it was like, both with her biological son and her adoptive kid. She was just like you when she took care of the first fallen human. And even though she'd already had a son before that, she went back to first-time mom mode with the one she adopted, since she didn't really know how humans worked back then."

Though you're curious to know how they knew each other without seeing each other's faces, you imagine something similar to online friendships and pass it off as that for now. It'd be far too much to ask for any details on that, based on how wistful and melancholic his tone alone sounds. "So you're saying I'm worrying too much?" you ask, grounding your curiosity for the moment.

He nods. "But there's no problem with that so long as it ain't taken to extremes."

"Like overprotective and all that?"

"Yeah." He stands up when the bus fills itself to the brim, leaving a few people to stand and one person to sit down where he's just gotten up from. "I'd say you're fine, though."

"Oh, yeah?" you challenge, smile turning to a grin. "And what makes you say that?" 

"You've been willing to listen to me so far, and you're still wanting to understand us despite everythin' you know about us already. That's not really somethin' someone overprotective would do."

"Move over," a man says, interrupting your conversation with the monster. He stands right in the middle of Sans and you, and he directs a glare at you only, fueled by exasperation. Compared to the man Sans had given up his seat for, who'd been limping all the way with a bad leg to the hand-bars, he seems fine; tired, but able to stand firm even as the bus keeps moving on. "Being sick in the head's not a valid reason for you to take up a seat all for yourself."

"Excuse me?" you ask, narrowing your gaze at him. "Care to elaborate on that, sir?"

"You're (L/N) aren't you?" he asks back, scoffing. "Gotta be real screwed up to talk with a guy like him when your kid went missing and ended up in that same place he lived in." His anger's unforgiving, and he hardly cares to register how much attention he's drawing to himself and you. "Why couldn't they tell you about it? Ever question yourself that? If monsters are so advanced enough to build a whole damn robot more human than any android I've seen up here, they could've given you a call or somethin' to tell you your kid's alive and well. Ever stopped to think about it? Or do you care that little over your kid's well-being? Stop for a moment and think about why they didn't try to help your kid outta the Underground." He stops only to catch his breath and increase the intensity of his tone and words. "So what if there was a magic spell keeping them trapped? And so what if they couldn't do nothin' about it? I'd be damn happy if they'd at least try to tell me my kid was okay!"

You keep quiet as you contemplate his words. Even Sans seems struck by them, and simply one quick glance exchanged between you lets you know he's waiting for you to give your judgment on the situation. He doesn't intervene, though he keeps himself close enough to help out, most likely in case the situation were to escalate any further.

"I'm trying to listen to their side of the story before I make any accusations."

"And what does that help you with?" His grimace worsens and he takes a few steps closer, almost cornering you between him and your seat. "Are you dense, or do you not notice how they're tryin' to soften you up by being nice? Bet you a guy like him wouldn't give a damn over a limping human if he knew they were the key to getting outta the Underground." He glares at the skeleton when he says that and turns back to you afterwards. "Don't you see how he looks at you? He's-"

The man's argument drowns out with the rest of the bus's noises, now filled with loud murmurs from the crowd and their unrelenting stares, all of them directed at you. You want to say something, but panic overwhelms all other feelings and any possible, rational thoughts. Your breaths turn ragged and scarce, and the world around you begins to spin. All other words you can decipher from your mind are thoughts on how you're failing as a person and as a parent, more specifically -- on how each and every step you take's one huge mistake and a piece of evidence to prove you're not good enough.

If your best isn't good enough, then what's there left to do?

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• • •

Tag List (Comment or message me if you want to be added to it!)

@the-simp-express

[boykisserbuckley]

for that angst list: i would die for some nurseydex with 46

46. “Dance with me.”

guess what Liv, you’ve got me Back On My Bullshit so this is 1.5k of things you didn’t ask for!! have fun :)

(the prompt is from this list if anyone wants to send me another!)

*

“Where do y’all want these?” Bitty calls from down the hall, as Dex makes it up the stairs carrying a box of books. It’s moving day, a week or so after graduation, and the entire team had volunteered to help him and Nursey move into their new place--even Jack, who had managed to talk his way out of an afternoon practice so he could come--so the apartment complex is full of hockey boys throwing chirps back and forth and jostling each other up the stairs. It’s nice, Dex thinks, having them all here, even the ones who graduated years before. They’re still a team, even off the ice. 

“Just, uh,” Nursey starts, from a few feet in front of Dex, arms full of bedsheets. He glances back, and Dex shrugs, so he calls back to Bitty as he heads through the door, “Put them wherever, we’ll sort them out later.”

Ransom and Holster barrel up the stairs next, each holding on to a box for dear life, and rush past where Dex is dawdling in the hallway. The boxes are both faintly rattling. 

“I win!” he hears Holster cheer as he makes it through the door, and then faintly from inside, Nursey says, “Those better not be my mom’s plates!”

Dex grins and finally makes his way into the apartment. He sets the books down and looks around. Bitty has somehow managed to sneak in a container of cookies, Holster is sheepishly peeking into a box to make sure he didn’t break anything, and Shitty is over by the fridge handing out the beers he's brought along. Ransom has disappeared back down the stairs, and Dex can't see Jack anywhere, so he assumes he's gone back too.

Nursey pauses to throw a few windows open, and then they've got summer air blowing through and the voices of the tadpoles mixed in with the sounds from the street below as they help unload the truck. Chowder shows up with Farmer at some point, and Lardo follows soon after, stopping by the fridge on her way in so Shitty can ruffle her hair and shove a drink in her hand.

Dex makes a few more trips up and down the stairs, but they really don't have much to move, and they're done pretty quickly. Nursey comes over and presses a kiss to his cheek as he drops the last box off in the front hall. Dex grabs his hand and tangles their fingers together, and just stands for a moment to take in the little party they've got going in their living room. 

Whiskey, Tango and Ford have corralled Lardo and Farmer into a game of cards with a deck they dug out of a bag somewhere, and they're sprawled out on the floor giggling and slapping cards out of each other's hands. Jack has an arm around Bitty where they're leaving against the counter in the kitchen, talking to Shitty, who's gesticulating wildly with his beer can. Chowder is sitting between Ransom and Holster against one wall, his phone in his hands, and he must be playing some game because there's music coming from the phone speakers and Ransom and Holster are both egging him on from behind. It's just like the Haus, loud and full of energy and full of his friends, and Dex thinks, I could get used to this. 

*

They spend a few hours pretending to sort through boxes as an excuse to keep the day going, but all too soon, the impromptu party is over. It's getting later in the evening, and if this was a proper kegster they'd be nowhere near the end--but some of the younger guys have class the next morning, and Jack has practice back in Providence, and Bitty as usual is begging them all to be sensible and get some sleep. He herds the little group out the door, even with Nursey insisting he and Dex don't mind. 

"Y'all take care now," he says, producing another tin of cookies from somewhere--Dex has no idea where he keeps them all--and pressing it into Dex's hands. "I'd better be seeing y'all safe and happy at Jack's game next weekend, alright?"

"Yes, sir," Dex laughs, and lets Bitty hug him goodbye. Farmer tows Chowder out the door after he spends a few minutes trying not to cry because, "I can't believe we graduated, guys, you're my best friends, and I'm so happy you're happy, and I'm going to call you everyday--" 

He and Farmer have a rental house a few blocks away, so Dex isn't really sure what that's all about. They planned it that way, so the group of them could still be close enough to see each other regularly. Chowder gets excited about anything, though, so he'll just go with it. 

Lardo and Shitty are the last to leave, with a promise from Shitty that he'll host a kegster any time they want, even if it's not at the Haus.

"Call me if you want a proper hauswarming party, brah," he insists as he heads out, "I'll supply the tub juice." 

And then, just like that, the door clicks shut behind Lardo and it's just Dex standing with a tin of cookies in his hands, staring at his little apartment. It seems bigger now that it's not full of hockey players. Almost too big, too empty. 

He's used to having a lot of people around. In Maine, before Samwell, he grew up with a whole litter of siblings and his parents in the same house. There was always someone else in the house with him, and it was rare to not hear music playing from someone's bedroom, or a conversation down the hall. Then he moved to Samwell, and he had a roommate the first year, and a whole floor full of other guys in his dorm building. Moving into the Haus meant rowdy hockey players all hours of the day, and music, and video games; Dex is pretty sure he's gone his whole life without being in a house that was silent, and now here he is in his own home, and it's so quiet it's ringing in his ears. 

He feels Nursey take the cookie tin from him, hears him place it on the kitchen counter, and the sound of metal on tile almost seems to echo into the empty room. He doesn't like it at all. 

And then, startling him out of his thoughts and back into the present, there's the soft sound of music. He glances over and Nursey is there in the kitchen, his hand on the radio, which is playing some slow, soulful love song. It crackles every now and then with static, because it's an old thing Dex brought with him from Maine, and it's on the same terrible station its been on for years, because the button got stuck when he was a kid and he never got it unstuck. It's stupid, and Nursey could just use his phone for Spotify if he wanted music, because Dex knows he's paying for premium--but somehow, it feels right. Maybe it's because this old radio is something that reminds Dex of growing up in Maine, or maybe just because it's Nursey and he's dumb and poetic like that, and Dex loves him for it. 

"Hey, Poindexter," Nursey says, coming back over to take Dex's hand and tug him into the kitchen, "Dance with me." 

"Neither of us can dance, Nurse," Dex points out. He knows it doesn't matter. 

"We'll figure it out," Nursey responds, and Dex huffs a little laugh, letting himself be pulled in close and swayed back and forth in a parody of a slow dance. 

"You're such a sap," he mutters. 

"Sure, but you signed up for that," Nursey says. Dex grins and presses a kiss to the bend of his neck. 

"Yeah, I did." 

They stay like that for a song or two, crooning and crackling from the radio. The sun dips low and shines in through their windows, with nothing to block it out because their blinds are all still packed away in boxes on the floor.

"Maybe we should get a dog," Dex says after a moment. Nursey stumbles in surprise at the suggestion, and then yelps as he trips backwards over one of their old Samwell hockey bags and goes tumbling to the floor.

"Chill," he says, a bit breathlessly, "but let's finish unpacking first." 

Dex starts laughing and flops down next to him on the tile. They lie there for a bit, the sound of a shitty pop song drifting down from the counter. Nursey curls into him and wraps his arms around his waist, and it's not exactly comfortable, but he pulls him closer anyway. It's still quiet, but it's not so bad now that the radio is going and he's got an armful of boyfriend to fend it off, and Dex thinks, yeah, I could get used to this.

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Episode 9

So, I’ve spent the last few days trying to type up my thoughts on the last episode, sort of like I did for Episode 3. However, each attempt kept turning into random keysmashing and more profanity than I think that this forum will allow, and you guys did a good job of covering how complex the situation is. Therefore, let’s keep moving.

We open with aw jeez I have to see this again. My newest ship of Sayaka and Kyoko are at the train station, shortly before Sayaka’s Soul Gem breaks. (Also, what the heck is with this show and my ships? I ship Madoka and Mami, and Mami gets eaten. I ship Sayaka and Kyoko, and Sayaka turns into a Witch. I am therefore swearing off shipping in this show, as apparently my thinking two characters are compatible is Urobuchi’s sign to ax one off. My Ship of Death is hereby docked.) Sayaka mutters about a balance between happiness and curses, her tear falls… “I was so stupid… so stupid.” And we are in a new Labyrinth. This one created by Witch-Sayaka. There are strange runes floating around, musical bars and a checkered floors/walls, train tracks stretching through space. So it’s a mixture of Sayaka’s music-based wish and the trainstop environment? Also, what the hell, why is the music so awesome. This is a tragic moment, I do not need music that sounds so good I want to download it. Sayaka- Sayaka’s body falls through the air, Kyoko immediately transforms into MG mode and leaps for her- it. The Witch launches train tracks and train wheels and apparently a whole train at her, but Kyoko makes it through and grabs the body, ending up right in front of the screaming Witch. Sayaka’s body slumps in Kyoko’s arms while Food Girl tries to figure out what’s going on, or more likely refuses to acknowledge what just happened. I sadly do not have that luxury, as I have to report my thoughts to all you jerks. I hope you’re happy. Kyoko continues to dodge the tracks and wheels, until one explodes in front of her? Homura! I- I have mixed feelings about you showing up. Because on one hand, yay, you can help Kyoko out. On the other hand, the last time you were around Sayaka… Homura tells Kyoko to get back and the animators stop drawing her, then they draw a cylindrical grenade right in front of the Witch. Ok, I know the last one looked like a frag grenade but was actually a flash-bang. This one looks more like the flash-bang type I know from shooters, is it going to… yup, big bang. REALLY big bang, sends Kyoko’s hair waving. Homura pops back in front of Kyoko and tells her to take her hand, and then activates her shield when she does. Suddenly the Witch freezes, hand and sword casting a shadow over the three-two Magical Girls. Kyoko’s confused, and Homura warns that if she lets go of her hand time will stop for her as well, before they start running away. Kyoko asks where that Witch came from. Sorry to tell you Kyoko, but- Homura beats me to it, bluntly says that it’s what used to be Sayaka Miki. Kyoko doesn’t say anything like “What?!” or “That’s impossible” but just asks if they’re just going to run away, making me believe that she did realize but just wasn’t accepting it. As for running away, Homura says “If you want to fight it, drop that needless baggage and we’ll turn around to kill it right now.” … That’s… Ok, I know that Sayaka’s soul was already out of the body, but… for all my comments on meat puppets, it was still her body. To call it ‘needless baggage’... Knowing that Homura’s a freaking TIME TRAVELER and has presumably seen this before is one thing, but… Kyoko’s only response is “Like hell!” and keeps running, to which Homura says that she’s only dragging them down. Since Kyoko refuses to drop the body to fight the Witch (and likewise, doesn’t take action to fight the newly-created Witch in general…) they’re heading out. And in a burst of white light they’re back in the real world. Kyoko slumps to her knees still holding the body, and Homura does a Hair-Flip as the musical notes around them fade. Hoo boy. This is a predicament. Intro of LIES Episode 9: I’d Never Allow That To Happen There are flies/moths on a lamppost, forming a skull shape. Random happenstance? Sign of a Familiar or Witch labyrinth? Urobuchi and the artists being jerks? Who knows? Madoka slowly walks along some train tracks. When did we last see her? Oh right, it was right after Kyubey turned (temporarily) into Swiss Cheese and emotionless Homura broke down crying. And good grief, reading back over that part I am amazed at how naive I was. I was actually pissed off at Homura for killing the Incubator, because I thought that Madoka could finally get some powers. But good grief, after learning that apparently Magical Girls who run out of power turn into god-damned Witches, I am so freaking happy that the Incubator was stopped in time. Or at least for a while. We’ve already lost Mami and Sayaka, I don’t wanna lose little Madoka too. Then she looks up and sees two pairs of legs Oh. Oh no. I don’t want to see this. Madoka just saw Sayaka’s body. Said body being carried by the girl who she saw fighting Sayaka to the death a few days ago, and followed by the girl who murdered the Incubator right in front of her. Understandably, she freaks out, rushing forward and… asking Sayaka what happened… and where her Soul Gem went… Homura just does a Hair-Flip and says that her Soul Gem turned into a Grief Seed, and was destroyed when it hatched a new Witch. No, Madoka. They’re not joking. I wish to god it was a joke, that Sayaka would open her eyes and laugh and say “Boy, we got you good Madoka!”. But it’s the truth. The final secret of the Soul Gems. When they grow tainted/run out of power and turn completely dark, they turn into Grief Seeds, and the Magical Girl is ‘reborn’ as a Witch. “This is the inescapable fate of all who become magical girls.” A train roars by and Madoka collapses, saying that all Sayaka wanted to do was protect people from Witches. And now she is one? “It could only last until she had suffered an amount equal to the good she had wished for. From here on, for ever person she has saved, she will curse another.” Man, this is the dark side of karma, isn’t it? I’ve always heard of it in a sense of “life will get better than it is now, look forward to the future”. But this? If Fate/Stay was a cynical take on “The Needs of the Many”, then this is his take on karma. Kyoko lays Sayaka’s body down in front of Madoka. Then spins around and grabs Homura by the collar. Yes, thank you! Homura, I get that you’ve seen this before in the other timeline, that you’ve had time to process the event, but for us its the first time we saw Sayaka turn into a god-damned Witch! Show a little understanding! And maybe explain why you didn’t warn us this was going to happen, like you didn’t warn us about how Magical Girls are lichs! I mean, good God! I gave you so much flak about your Hallway Threat way back when, but now I can see that you were being too soft! If you knew this was going to happen, maybe you could give a more direct warning? Or a more clear threat to scare Madoka off, so all this doesn’t happen? Kyoko chews Homura out for acting all “Ooh, I’m a Time Traveler, I know all this stuff and you don’t”. She was Sayaka’s best friend! They knew Mami for a few days, and that was tragic enough. Madoka knew Sayaka for years! But all Homura does is say that they truly know what the thing they wanted to become is like. Oh, and try not to be seen with the corpse you insisted on dragging along, alright? Don’t be sloppy disposing of the middle-school girls remains, otherwise the cops might find it and then things just get distracting. ...wow. I’m going to have to take away your seat cushion for that, Homura. Kyoko asks how Homura can even call herself human when she acts so callous in the face of loss. And even I can know how Homura’s going to respond to that one: “I don’t, of course.” Hair-Flip. “And neither should you.” Well. You may have had an alternate timeline/who knows how many years as an immortal lich to get used to ‘not being human’, but Kyoko is not only likely younger, but came from a religious background. It’s not that easy for her. One final Hair-Flip and Homura walks off. It’s later now, and Madoka is in her room, curled up on her bed in her pajamas and failing to sleep. YOU. GET OUT. The Incubator is outside her window. Nope, no, uh-uh. I am not in the mood to put up with your shit right now, Incubator. I don’t care what you’re going to say, what excuses you’re going to give like “But you never asked” or “What does it matter what form your Soul takes” or “Well, we’re down a Magical Lunch Lady. Guess you need to pick up the pace to keep me fed. On that note, I know where you can find a newly-hatched Witch, shouldn’t be too hard to fight…” NOPE. Not putting up with your shit tonight.

*one angry sleep later*

*Deep breath*

Alright, Incubator. Let’s see what excuses you’ll make this time.

Oh, well thank you for asking to come in, instead of just showing up like at Homura’s. Very polite of you.

Madoka is very unsurprised to see that the Incubator is alive, considering last time it was Swiss Cheese. I’m guessing Homura told her?

Oh, never mind about being polite, the Incubator’s inside with all the stuffed animals now. Permission, what’s that?

Madoka asks if what Homura said was true, the Incubator’s all “Yep, true enough I can’t protest it. I can’t lie, nosiree.”

Aw, Madoka no. She looks so… blank. Burnt out.

She asks if the Incubator really has been turning them into Magical Girls just so they’ll become Witches.

“Please don’t misunderstand.”

Oooh boy. *Sits back, munches on popcorn* Alright, you little monster. You justified tearing out these girl’s souls to make them more effective Witch fighters, let’s see how you excuse Contracting them into becoming literal monsters.

You… don’t do this out of ill will towards humans?... bwuh?

“Everything we’ve done is for the sake of prolonging the life of the universe.”

...turning young girls into monsters is good for the universe. Seems legit.

Ok, huh? Why are you talking about entropy now?

Energy a fire gives off is not equal to the energy to create its fuel, sure. Standard thermodynamics here. How does this relate to Witches?

Amount of usable energy in the universe is decreasing, sure…

Does this apply to Magical Girls as well?

Hold up, I think I’m seeing where this is going.

Incubator’s Race: “Oh no, we need warriors to defend our physically weak race and get us food from stronger creatures. Hey, these ‘humans’ can wield great power, but they can’t unlock it on their own. Let’s uplift them and get them to fight our battles. This could in no way backfire!”

Incubator’s Race: “Hooray, they’re defeating all our foes… but they’re using up all of our power in doing so, they lack any idea of subtlety. We need some way to cull their numbers… hey, we just figured out a flaw we can introduce into their Soul Gems, if they use up too much power at a time it shatters and their soul corrupts, they can’t use our power anymore. They turn into monsters, sure, but there are so many humans we can always Contract a few more to fight them. And hey, these ‘Witches’ drop tasty treats!”

Ok, sorry for random speculation. Been on a Mass Effect kick lately, made a tenuous connection between the settings. Back to the Incubator.

So their race looked for an energy source that wasn’t bound by thermodynamics, to counter entropy. And they found a solution with Magical Girls?

The Incubator’s civilization created technology to convert… emotions? Into raw energy? An impressive technology, but then why not just use it on yourselves, unless humans are somehow more emotional? A sort of Vulcan/Humanity emotional divide? (And I feel dirty for comparing Vulcans to this little jerk.)

Wait, you don’t ‘possess the capacity’? Like, at all? Huh.

So they searched the universe for species to serve as emotion batteries for their new tech, until they finally found humans.

(Hoping that the finale is a bunch of these other races that didn’t meet the Incubators’ needs showing up and helping out the “young” Terran civilization against the Galactic Jerks)

Shots of empty chairs?

So since humanity was a Yeerk Class 5 species (big population, fast reproduction), and the emotional-energy (emergy?) produced by a single human is more than they use between their birth and growth, the Incubators had found their power source.

Yep. The Incubators consider human souls as the perfect fuel source.

Abridged!Mr. Popo: That carpet gets 10,000 miles to the soul. Abridged!Bulma: What? Abridged!Mr. Popo: The gallon.

Oh, but why settle for unleaded humans for emergy, when the most effective of all are girls in their “second stage of development”? Seeing as they experience the greatest fluctuations between hope and despair.

Hmph. And I’d imagine that girls who are not fully informed have more ‘fluctuation’ than girls who know exactly what they’re getting into, hmm?

Oh for-really? Really?!

“In the moment when your Soul Gems flare out and turn into Grief Seeds, enormous energy is created.”

That’s it?

That’s the whole reason for this farce?

Ok, sit down, Incubator. I SAID SIT DOWN.

Look, maybe there’s something I don’t understand about the process. But not a minute ago you said “a single human” produces more emergy than the energy they use in a lifetime. Bam, problem solved, you have energy for days right there. But no, you just had to get greedy, didn’t you? It’s not enough that you’ve got a source of emergy with plain old humanity that bites its thumb at thermodynamics, that solves your “Oh, energy of the universe is running out” problem just as it is. Nope! Instead you manipulate young girls into giving up their souls and turning into monsters because that gives you even more emergy!

This is not logic! This is greed! I am so glad to be wrong, you aren’t the Vulcans. The Vulcans would never stoop so low for a little bit extra. You’re the Ferengi!

*Sigh* So the Incubators go around collecting the energy, ‘hatching’ Soul Gems into Grief Seeds. Buddy, setting aside how wrong that is, what about all the lost potential emergy from the humans a Witch eats? Is one Grief Seed forming really enough to make up for that?

Madoka’s still in shock, mutters a question asking if Incubators really just see humans as disposable energy supplies. The Incubator asks if she knows just how many species there are in the universe, and how much energy they use all the time.

...which implies that the other species’ energy use is supplemented by the Incubators. Suddenly hoping they don’t show up after all.

“And someday even you humans will be able to leave your planet and come join all of us.”

Which will probably be pretty awkward. “Hey, so you’re the species that we’ve been harvesting to power our hot tub? Cool, cool, nice to meet you.”

Actually, why don’t they Uplift humanity? If a single planet of humans create enough emergy to conter the energy use of the rest of the universe’s species, how much emergy could be created by a Human Federation? See, Incubator? I’ve only known about this for a few minutes, and already I’m finding problems. You fail at logic!

Ahaha, NO. Incubator, you don’t get to try and blame humanity for the rest of the universe’s species using so much energy. Maybe they should cut back on their electricity, turn down the AC? If we leave our world to find an “empty and desolate” universe, that’s not our problem.

...don’t make me say it.

...I really don’t want to say it.

...ok, FINE. You may have a tiny, itty-bitty point. Yes, it would be advantageous for humanity as a whole to rise up into an established universal community.

BUT. You are saying that this comes at the cost of human lives.

Read my lips, Incubator. It was NOT okay for Mami to die. It was NOT okay for Sayaka to suffer. It was NOT okay for Kyoko’s family to implode.

“But we always ask and receive your consent before making the contract. Doesn’t that alone show our good will?”

Madoka screams that they do it by tricking all of us. YES.

“We aren’t able to comprehend what you mean by ‘tricking.’”

…

“Why is it that when humans regret a decision based on a misunderstanding they feel resentment toward the other party?”

…

…

… *snap*

FUCK. YOU. BUNNY-CAT.

This is not logic, this is not “for the greater good”, this is just being a dick. You claim to be an advanced species? Then you damn well understand what we mean by ‘tricking’ someone else. You knew all the details, and only gave out information at your leisure. If someone makes a decision based on a misunderstanding, it’s not their fault for not having all the knowledge. It’s the fault of whoever did have the knowledge, and neglected to share it for their own advantage.

Here, let me try something. Hey Incubator, I know about this other planet with a species that produces ten times as much emergy than any human, even a Magical Girl. Just fly off to the Alpha Centauri system, you’ll spot them easily!... Oh, what’s that? You flew all the way there and used up so much energy, but there was nobody there? Aw, what a shame. Hey now, what are you blaming me for? It’s not my fault you misunderstood that I was joking.

Madoka can’t follow the Incubator’s so-called “logic”. Believe me, Madoka, it’s good that you don’t understand that little jerk’s excuses.

Oh come the FUCK on, Incubator. You’re going to act the victim here?! Oh, I’m so sorry that it’s so hard for you to understand humans and our values system. We’ve got nearly 17 billion people, with 10 more every 4 seconds-

“-why should you care so much about the loss of a tiny handful?”

...WOW. Ok then.

Aaaand we have reached the tipping point. Madoka, our all-loving Protagonist, has said “If that’s how you think, then you really are our enemy.” Good job, Incubator! You proved to be so immoral with your faulty logic that sweet little Madoka has named you Enemy.

The Incubator soldiers on, acting all gracious that he came to try and explain themselves to her.

“I was hoping you’d understand what incredible good your sacrifices have done for this universe.”

Oh, well if you think that sacrificing these girls for the universe is for the best, then who am I to stop you?

The Incubator can’t understand Madoka’s point of view, and Madoka can’t accept the Incubator’s.

But the Incubator keeps up the compliments, saying that one day she’ll be the most powerful of Magical Girls. And then the wickedest of all Witches. A Witch with protagonist powers, brrr…

Oh, I’m so happy to hear that the harvesting of Madoka will get you an incomparable amount of energy, Incubator. That makes everything so much better!

“So if you ever feel like dying for the the sake of the universe, please call me anytime. I’ll be waiting for you!”

...wow. You dick.

The Incubator jumps away, and Madoka starts to cry.

*slight break between posts*

Aw jeez, sorry guys. I thought I’d take a few days to get settled into the fall semester, not get delayed over a month getting back. But on the plus side, as I’m sitting here, about to pull up Crunchyroll and resume the episode, there’s some emotional distance from that last part. Yes, I recognize the irony. And in that time, I have come to two realizations: Kyubey is right. And Kyubey is a moron. Hear me out. I’m going to try and do this response justice. If we accept what Kyubey has said as truth, then we are not alone. There are other species out in the universe, other inhabited planets. I don’t know how many there are, but let’s assume at least two others besides us and Kyubey’s race. If we go by pure, ‘unemotional’ math, we can say that humanity is outnumbered by 3 to one. And that’s not even factoring in the likelihood that these other races have settled more planets than our single world, the ratio could be much, much higher. Going by pure numbers, we are in the minority. In pure voting terms, if the other races are in agreement, our ‘discomfort’ means diddly-squat. And even beyond that, we’re talking about the heat-death of the Universe, the Incubators and the other races are working to prevent the end of reality. If that’s your goal, what sacrifice is too great? Especially if it’s not you who’s doing the sacrificing? So yeah, the need is there. Using emergy is a solution, perhaps the only solution, to the heat-death of the universe. Assuming that Kyubey isn’t lying about it being greater than entropy. In that, this single point, Kyubey is right. What I find painful however, beyond that whole ‘sacrificing young girls who knew not what they were getting into because you didn’t tell them’ thing, is that the Incubators are being criminally inefficient about this. It’d be funny if it wasn’t measured in lives. As Shay Guy said, they’ve found a local maximum with the emergy from a single human and just focused on maximizing that. Which I find to be criminally short-sighted on their part. I mean, seriously? You find a species that is the single solution to the heat-death problem, you maximize the emergy from young girls, and then you just leave it at that? Let’s run a scenario: Instead of sulking about in the shadows, creeping on little girls, you land a spaceship in front of the UN. An Incubator saunters inside, reveals that there are multiple alien species out there, and that they rely on human emotions to prolong the universe. Set up a few emergy-capturing satellites in orbit, rather than whatever method you use to gather emergy from individual girls, and start uplifting humanity to settle other planets, set up more emergy satellites… Hell, at worst if emergy satellites won’t work you get people who contract knowing the price. For crying out loud, I’d be willing to make the Contract myself, knowing that I’d get to enjoy power for at least a little while, be wary about my magic use and falling into despair so quickly, and knowing that my passing would result in the entire Universe lasting just a little bit longer. Ugh. Just, ugh. Incubators, what you are doing now is like finding a coal mine and setting it on fire to stay warm. Or whatever, I just cannot wrap my head around the inefficiency of this so-called advanced race. Bleh, whatever. Let’s get back to the Magical Girls. Been a while since I saw the episode, so I’ll pause here, watch up to where I left off, and then come back once I’m in the proper mindset. *Ten minutes later* FEEEEEEELS. Also, I demand an Incubator plushie for Christmas so I can punch it repeatedly. Camera is panning over Anime City (I know it has a real name, but I can’t remember how to spell it), settles on a table loaded with food. Ah, Kyoko! What are you up to? ...That’s Sayaka. No, that’s Sayaka’s body. Why do you have Sayaka’s body, Kyoko? What are you doing with your Soul Gem? INCUBATOR. GET OUT. It asks what Kyoko hopes to achieve, using so much energy to “keep the body fresh.” Aw, Kyoko. You haven’t given up on Sayaka, have you? I get it, I really do but… you know what happens when a Magical Girl uses up their energy or gives into despair, you’ve seen it happen right in front of you. Don’t put yourself at risk. Kyoko asks if there’s any way to get the Soul Gem back, the Incubator- Oh, you dick. “None, as far as I know anyway”? That is the worst kind of manipulation, saying that you don’t know but not completely dismissing the possibility. Because after all, it only benefits you if Kyoko uses up too much energy trying to fix Sayaka and Witchifies herself. Aaargh. Yup, after the Incubator says that Kyoko stops eating and pounces on the possibility, the fact that there’s stuff even the Incubator doesn’t know. Oh. Oh damn you, show. I accept that Sayaka is gone, that there’s no hope of her coming back, but then… “The existence of magical girls defies logic as it is.” This is a world of magic, of power greater than entropy. I can’t rule anything out. Heck, there’s apparently a time traveler running around (and doesn’t that say volumes about the show, that someone being a time-traveler has taken a backseat to this current issue). Like Kyoko, I am thinking about the possibility. I want it to be true, so bad. Argh, and the Incubator just keeps not committing. “There’s no precedent for it.” Speaking the truth, but framing it in a way that these poor girls are getting played. “Unfortunately, I can’t offer any guidance at this time.” GOOD. Now get out. Kyoko (and I) are done with your ‘advice’, you can just shove off. Later, it’s a new day! The sun is shining! The birds are singing! Madoka shuffles along to school, knowing that her best friend has become a Witch and fielding well-meaning questions from Hitomi! She tries to claim that she just didn’t get enough sleep. “Speaking of which, it looks as if Sayaka is staying home again today.” … Please stop talking. Please stop talking about how you should go visit her later, but you’re worried about how awkward things are between the two of you at the moment. Madoka is about to speak up- Sudden Kyoko telepathy! She rightfully calls Madoka out for trying to act like everything is normal and going to school, after the bombshell of yesterday. Kyoko says she needs to talk to Madoka, who says she’ll stay home today too and runs off, leaving a very confused Muggle behind. In what I assume is the touristy part of town, with the clean streets and windchimes, Madoka meets up with Kyoko. “Don’t you want to save Sayaka Miki?”... what are you planning, Kyoko? Maokda immediately leaps on the possibility of saving her best friend, and damn you Incubator I can see where this is going. Kyoko wants to save the girl who countered her “live only for yourself” philosophy… Side note: I know that I said I would stop shipping people in this show because apparently my saying “they would be a cute couple” is a death sentence. But am I allowed to ship people if one of them is already dead? I still think that comic of Kyoko and Sayaka is adorable, and she should be safe now that a ship is impossible. Right? Anyways, Kyoko questions why Madoka was going to school, not trying to save her best friend. Ouch. Well, I mean, I assumed that becoming a Witch was irreversible, too. Can you really blame Madoka for not trying something that she thought wasn’t possible? Oh? Kyoko’s apologizing for her phrasing? Damn, her personality has really mellowed since her first “let the Familiars feed on Muggles” introduction, hasn’t it? Still stubborn and headstrong, though, as seen here when she says that until they are certain whether Sayaka can be saved or not, she’s not going to give up. Ok, so what’s the plan?... Talk at the Witch and hope that when Madoka calls out to her, she’ll get back her human memories? Um. I… am not certain about the validity of this plan. I mean, if it is possible, then her best friend Madoka would probably be the only one capable of getting through to her. But given this show’s track record, I’m not so certain that “magic of friendship” plan is going to work. Kyoko admits that she has no idea if it’ll work or not. But that’s just the reason that she wants to try it. Heck, maybe if they cut the witch apart Sayaka’s Soul Gem instead of a Grief Seed would pop out. “Wouldn’t that be something? It’d be like one of those stories where love and courage triumph over all.” Urobuchi, stop laughing. I can hear you from here. Let me have this. Awwww. Kyoko’s talking about how she probably became a MG in the first place because she used to love those sort of stories. She’d forgotten… but it was Sayaka who reminded her again. Crap. Crap crap crap. I did it again, didn’t I? I just doomed Kyoko with my Ship of Death. I’m sorry, Food Girl, please forgive me! I didn’t mean to put you in Urobuchi’s crosshairs, I thought it was safe to ship you with a dead girl! And that sounds way creepier than I intended! Kyoko’s frank, saying that she won’t force Madoka the Muggle to follow the plan, that it’ll be dangerous if she does, and that Kyoko can’t guarantee that she can protect her. But our Protagonist agrees. Go Madoka, show that stupid Bunny-Cat what for! And we get the adorable pair-up of sweet, friendly Madoka and the tough, cool Kyoko. One joke about Madoka cramping her style and giving her some food (The Kyoko Seal of Approval), and the plan is in motion. Ouch. The classroom is looking a little emptier now, with multiple “absent” future-desks. And Homura claims sickness, walks out. Later that day, as the sun is setting, Kyoko and Madoka are walking along under a highway, heading to Sayaka’s Labyrinth. Madoka asks about if Homura would help them, but Kyoko blows it off, saying that she’s not that kind of person. Methinks Kyoko’s still a little bitter about the “drop that useless baggage” comment from the night before. Madoka, sweet loving naive Madoka, asks “Aren’t you the two of them friends?” Kyoko says not really, they did team up to beat enemies that they couldn’t defeat alone- Oh crap, Wally-Watsit, the Super Witch! I completely forgot about them! I mean, knowing that Homura is a time traveler, I’m not thinking that she’s intentionally summoning it, but… Ok, wild theory time, thinking about Homura’s philosophy of power. I think my idea that she summoned Wally-Witch could still work in the original timeline, but when she realized that she bit off more than she could chew she (somehow) went back in time to try it again. Try to warn Mami about the hospital Witch, keep Sayaka from making a Contract and turning into a Witch and distracting them from preparing for Wally, recruiting the outsider Kyoko to help in the fight… seems like a good plan to me. Pity it all went to pot. Oh, Kyoko is telling Madoka about Wally (Walpurgisnacht) now, warning her that it’ll arrive in a few days. Stronger than either Kyoko or Homura, if they team up they stand a chance. Incubator: “Oh, how brave of your friends to fight this terrible foe! But it’s really dangerous, they may not survive. But of course, if they had help from another Magical Girl, one with loads of potentia-” *Gets punted by Kyoko* And they’re at the construction site. Kyoko’s sure that it’s Sayaka, since the magic patterns are the same as yesterday. Kyoko finishes off her whatever-on-a-stick and transforms, checks one last time to make sure Madoka is up for the Labyrinth. “I’ve gotten kind of used to this, actually. Although… all I ever do is trail along behind others.” Nope, nope nope nope. You are doing just fine, Madoka, do not give into peer pressure now. But she’s still brave enough to go in as a Muggle. Kyoko smiles… and opens the Labyrinth. Inside what appears to be a dark brick-wall hallway, Madoka asks Kyoko if she’s a coward, since everyone else fights but her. Kyoko just asks why she would ever become a Magical Girl. It’s not a job just anyone can do. If Madoka gets to live a life that Kyoko dreamed of when she was younger and her father’s church was failing, good food every day and a happy life with her family… why give it up to fight monsters? “I’d never allow that to happen.” Daw, and Kyoko has joined the ‘Protect Madoka Brigade’. You may think that you’re weak, Madoka, but frankly you’ve got superheroines tripping over themselves to protect you. But of course Kyoko adds her own twist of tough love to this declaration of protection, saying she’ll pound Madoka’s face in before she became a Magical Girl. Heh. “I mean, putting your life in danger… only people who’ve got no other choice should do that.” Aw, Kyoko’s turning from a Barbarian to a Paladin. She keeps calling heroes idiots, but she is becoming quite a heroine. Damn you, Urobuchi, for making me see that as a sign of death. Let me have the hope that heroes can prevail, not just die tragically. Stop crushing my optimism. “But maybe a time will come when you’ll have no choice but to risk your life and fight. You should wait until then to think about it.” And with that lovely quote, they approach the end of the hallway. Now there’s another one, with glowing walls and a bunch of musical notes… oh yeah, Sayaka’s magic signature was music notes! Man, this scene’s going to have some good music, isn’t it? Yeah, I can hear an orchestra starting up- crud, the door just slammed shut behind them! She’s coming! Music is picking up- oh hell yes, it is an orchestra. And the Witch herself, swaying as if she’s conducting. Ladies and gentlemen. Showtime. Come on, Madoka. Call out to your friend. Let Sayaka be in there, let her hear Madoka. Let us get a happy ending… no, the Witch is attacking now. Kyoko summons up a barrier for Madoka and tells her to keep calling out while Kyoko parries the train wheels. Madoka’s pleading for Sayaka to remember how she wanted to fight for justice, to go back to her old self. But it’s not working. The (awesome) music is swelling as the Witch sends a stupid amount of train wheels at Kyoko, and oh crap the barrier just went down. Ok whew, Kyoko is still ok… but looks tired after that barrage. She just tells Madoka to keep it up, resummons the barrier and keeps at it. But she’s getting knocked around, Madoka’s not getting through. Come on, Kyoko, keep fighting, don’t just stand there and get hit. Aw hell no, Kyoko. Don’t get all maudlin on me now, stop talking about how you started off trying to kill each other. You gave her food, doesn’t that mean something! Stop reminiscing and start kicking ass! But nope, she’s thinking about a red-and-blue image of Kyoko reaching out to Sayaka only for the Blue to shatter and the image collapse. Crap. You really did like Sayaka, didn’t you? The barrier is down again, Madoka is exposed. Crap, the Witch grabbed her! You let our Title Character go! There we go, Kyoko is pissed off, get back up! She’s cut Madoka free, is yelling at the Witch… crud. Madoka is unconcious, the floor is collapsing, and Kyoko is praying. Is that… Kamijo? Oh thank god Homura’s here, caught Madoka. But… Kyoko is not doing too well. And she doesn’t have Sayaka’s healing ability. “Hey. You… take care of her for me…” No. “I was an idiot for dragging her into this.” NO. NO! Kyoko! You pull that barrier down this instant, young missy! Homura just got here, don’t you dare keep her from helping you! Don’t you dare throw her “you can’t fight when weighed down with a burden” words back at her, make her retreat with Madoka. Don’t you dare pull a self-sacrificing Paladin! Don’t you fucking dare! Kyoko undoes her hair, and a hairpin falls out. She grabs it, and then kneels down in front of the barrier and beings to pray, or rather use her magic to summon a bunch of giant spears. She talks to Sayaka, says that she’ll be here with her… kisses her Soul Gem… and then stabs it. Explosion. Homura and Madoka are out in the real world. And the Labyrinth is nowhere to be seen. Later, at Homura’s house/apartment/residence. Homura is sitting in her room, staring at the floor. Or maybe at the maps scattered on her table. Still planning for Wally-Witch, then? But without Mami, Sayaka, or now Kyoko, can you still face it this time without Madoka giving up her soul? INCUBATOR. GET OUT. Homura asks if there was any real chance for Kyoko to save Sayaka. “Of course not. She should have known that it was impossible.” Oh fuck you, Bunny-Cat! And then to go on, say that you would have stopped her if “her death had been needless”? That getting her out of the picture served a very important purpose? But of course, this all works out to your favor. Because like I said, now there is no one else to help Homura against Walpurgisnact. Even with the experience of a past life, she is not strong enough to face the Super Witch alone. “In order to protect this city, there is no choice but for Madoka to become a Magical Girl.” And here’s the terrible, terrible choice. Homura is defined as doing whatever it takes to save others from the fate of giving up their souls, becoming a Magical Girl. Everything she has done has been to prevent Madoka from making that sacrifice. But when the cost of Madoka’s freedom is her city getting attacked by a Super Witch? Can one life be preserved at the cost of the many? Homura won’t let Madoka make the Contract. She swears it. … OH FUCK YOU, UROBUCHI! You end on this downer note, I’m practically crying over the injustice of the Incubator manipulating things to where Madoka has to Contract in order to save the city, and then you blindside me with this beautiful artwork of Kyoko and Sayaka?! God damn it, just take my heart and stomp on it, why don’t you? And this end-credits song… Da fuq? Final artwork piece of Kyoko looking a lot older and much more cat-like. Ok? Alright, let’s hear this teaser for the next episode: “No one believe me about the future.” Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. We finally get to see Homura’s story? Her previous life? “No one can accept the truth about the future. I won’t rely on anyone anymore.” ...oof, this next episodes going to be a gut-punch, isn’t it? I mean, I’ve come to accept that these episodes are murder on my emotional state, but seeing Homura try to distance herself from these people, to keep from despair? This is going to be brutal. 

[merlevum]

Hetalia Fanfiction - Shoulder To Sleep on Ch 2

Summary: Matthew Williams commutes to college every day. On his way home one day, a certain Prussian ends up falling asleep on his shoulder.

For outside links please click here. There will be links to AO3 and FF.net. 

Previous | Next

Chapter 2:

Pacing back and forth in his small bedroom Matthew sighed for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day. It was Friday, the day he was supposed to meet up with Gilbert, but the hoser had yet to send a text message about a time. There were so many things Matthew wanted to say about the whole situation, but mostly he was just miffed at himself for actually getting his hopes up. It wasn’t like this was a date or something, it was just supposed to be a get together for Matthew to help Gilbert with his coding.

Checking his phone one last time, he tossed it on the bed, deciding to do something else for the rest of the afternoon. If Gilbert had forgotten, Matthew was not going to remind him. Leaving his room, Mathew went straight to the kitchen where Alfred sat on one of the bar stools, his upper body lying on the counter.

The two lived in a two bedroom apartment. Their neighbours varied from different parts of the world, including Francis from France and Arthur from England. The two were constantly fighting about something, but were some of the best people to go to for advice on life situations. On the other side of Matthew’s apartment lived Kiku, from Japan and Yao from China. Kiku normally played video games or read comics with Alfred, while Yao usually shared tea and sweets with Matthew and Arthur at times. The rest of the apartment was made up of other people from different parts of the world, which meant it was never a dull moment. Unless of course half the complex had mid-terms they either had to study for, or grade, in the case of Arthur who was a professor at the local community college.

“What’s wrong Al?” Matthew asked, heading towards the pantry to see if they had anything to make pancakes with. It was something he could eat all day, every day, and never grew tired of.

A grunt came from the general direction of Alfred before he shifted slightly. “Bored and hungry”

“Yeah? I’m making some pancakes and bacon”

“Great! Make me some too!” Alfred sat up straight and watched Matthew gather the materials to make pancakes. “Wait, you’re making bacon with it? You usually only cook bacon when you either apologise for something or you’re pissed off about something.”

“Still can’t cook for yourself?” Matthew glanced back at Alfred with a playful grin.

“I can cook better than Arthur that’s for sure,” Alfred said with a shrug of his shoulders before both snickered for a moment. “Although he bakes rather well. But hey! Don’t dodge the question. What’s going on?”

“So I’ve heard. He’ll have to—”

Matthew’s phone sung a song from Frank Sinatra as he stood mixing the batter for pancakes. Giving Alfred a pleading look, Alfred scooted off the bar stool to grab the phone. Matthew wondered who it could possibly be, when Five Minutes More stopped playing and Alfredo greeted the caller he was ready to pour the batter into the pan. It took another minute or two for Alfred to return.

“Sure, he’s just making pancakes. Hold on.” Alfred held the phone to Matthew’s ear as Matthew continued watch the pancakes, lest he burn them.

It was nice to live with someone who had essentially grown up with each other. There was no need to ask if they could hold up the phone while cooking, or to do something for them when they were busy. Alfred and Matthew had always been close cousins, from having close birthdays and celebrating them together, to visiting each other during the summer holidays. It was only natural for the two to end up going to college together; their parents were delighted since both would keep the other out of too much trouble. Matthew was taken on for the hockey team and given a full ride scholarship, while Alfred got in playing soccer mostly along with his excellent testing scores. Alfred had found the rather cheap apartment, but forgot to mention how far away it was from the college, but since the bus fare was free, neither complained too much.  

“H-Hello?” Matthew asked, wondering why Alfred had not told the other who was on the phone.

“Ah! Matthew, you have no idea how hard it is to get a hold of your phone number. Do you? You need more friends who have it I swear. Listen, my phone was murdered yesterday by some crazy accident that involved me climbing a tree to save a bird. Why did you never text me? Wait, don’t answer that I got a different number anyway! First off can I come over to get some help with my homework? I know it’s kind of late, but I really could use the help.” It was hard to understand every word over the phone with Gilbert rushing and his rather thick accent.

“Wait, you were in an accident? Are you alright?” Matthew asked, Alfred looked a little concerned at the phone. He mouthed the words is he alright to Matthew who only shook the hand with the spatula to tell Alfred to wait a moment.

“Ja. I’ll tell you all about it if you let me come over. Bitte?”

Matthew sighed, but nodded his head, forgetting he was on the phone. Realising his mistake, he quickly cleared his throat. “Yes, that’s fine. Listen I’m making pancakes, so I’ll make enough for you as well. Alfred can tell you the directions to get here.”

“Sounds good. Thanks again Matthew!” Matthew could hear the relief and just picture a bright smile on Gilbert’s face.

Alfred put the phone against his ear and took a few steps away from Matthew as he focused on the pancakes. So the Prussian had not forgotten him after all. Now Matthew just felt plain silly for getting so worked up, but he was a little concerned if Gilbert was alright if he had been in an accident. The scent of slightly burning pancakes caught Matthew’s attention before too long and brought him out of his thoughts.

“You better hurry up with those pancakes. It won’t take him that long,” Alfred said, a rather teasing grin on his face.

“What do you mean by that eh?”

“I mean, he lives like two floors below us.”

“Eh?” Matthew turned to face Alfred who just laughed boisterously.

“You heard me. He lives two floors down from us. Never knew that.” Alfred shrugged and went to the door, expecting it to ring any moment.

Mouth slightly agape, Matthew tried to comprehend what he had just been told. Why had he not seen the other until just the other day? When did Gilbert move into the apartments? Who was his roommate? So many questions. Matthew flipped the pancake before it burned and placed it on a neat stack he had prepared. Pouring more batter into the pan, he decided to ask some of the more polite questions when Gilbert actually got there.

“By the way, Al?”

“Yeah, what’s up Mattie?” Alfred asked, leaning against the wall.

“Could you possibly stay in your room or just go out for a bit while he’s here? We’re supposed to do homework and knowing how you are, you’ll just distract him.” Matthew turned his back to Alfred, not wanting to see hurt reflected in his eyes, but was rather surprised by the answer.

“Sure thing! I can take the pancakes and eat them at Franny and Artie’s place. I’ll just rub it in that I have pancakes and bacon.”

“Thanks Al,” Matthew said, knowing Alfred understood Matthew wanted some time alone with their guest instead of being overshadowed like he normally was in Alfred’s presence when others were around.

As Matthew started to cook the bacon, putting pancakes on another plate just for Alfred, the doorbell rang. The door opened and Alfred greeted Gilbert, allowing the other to come in. Swallowing thickly, Matthew took a deep breath to relax.

Matthew felt a hand on his shoulder, making him jolt from the contact. Turning, Gilbert snickered at him before giving him a small hug. A blush crept its way on Matthew’s cheek. Alfred muffled his laughter in his hands.

“Hallo,” Gilbert said, releasing Matthew from the hug and stepping back. “West said to bring a gift, so I brought beer. You guys are old enough to drink right?”

Both shook their heads and Gilbert smack his forehead.

[supervalor]

Can you do a fic where Mon-el sees Kara with someone else's baby but than realizes how much he wants to have a child with her?

Done! sorry this got a bit dark but I made it all fluffy at the end.

Title: Parent Material

“Auntie Kara!”

Kara prepared herself as her three year old nephew threwhimself into her arms with full strength.

Considering his father was Superman,if it had been his mother or another normal human being they would have beenseriously injured with at least one cracked rib. However, Jon knew that Karawas one of the few people in his life (which included Clark, J’onn and Mon-El), that could take his full hugs andhe didn’t need to hold back with.

“Jonny! How’s my favourite little Super Boy?” she cooed asshe lifted the small boy up into her arms and walked him back inside hercousin’s apartment with her fiancé trailing right behind her, a goofy smile on his face as he observed Karawith her ‘nephew’. “Now where’s Daddy got to?”

“Daddy is off saving Japan from an Earthquake” came the voiceof Clark’s wife Lois as she entered the living area, greeting Kara with a warmsmile and a hug. “And you were supposed to be cleaning your room Mister!”

“I did it already”, Jon replied rolling his eyes. “I can moveas fast as Daddy and Auntie Kara remember?”

“Yeah it’s hard to forget when I turn around for one secondand you’ve disappeared out of sight”, his mother scolded him as he vanishedat the speed of light before turning back to the other adults in the room. “Sowhat brings Supergirl and Valour to these neck of the woods? Is National Citytoo crime free for you?”

“Well I kind of wanted to ask Clark if he had something fromthe fortress that I was hoping to use in our wedding ceremony at some point –nothing a human would wonder about don’t worry – but I also wanted to see howJon was doing after the whole kidnapping thing last week”.

Kara still felt furious as she remembered how her barelythree year old ‘nephew’ had been snatched right out of school by Gotham’s worstcriminal – the Joker - who had been hoping to lure both Batman and Superman to ascene full of Kryptonite laced booby traps.

After Clark almost died and Mon-Elwent in to help seeing as Kryptonite wasn’t an issue for him, the Joker wasfinally taken away to Arkham but she knew the scars would stay with little Jondespite his super biology.

“He has a few nightmares and wet the bed a couple of times”,Lois sighed as she sat down on a sofa. “But I think he’s doing better. He’s notacting any differently otherwise”.

“Hey do you mind if I talk to him?” Kara questioned and Loislooked at her surprised.

“Sure, if you think you can help him then feel free”.

Kara immediately shot off to Jon’s bedroom while Mon-Elfollowed behind her with Lois. They stood in the doorway and watched as Karajoined the three year old on the floor with his toys that he had out andplaying with. “Hey Jonny, mind if I join you?”

“Sure!” he agreed and passed her a red fire truck.

“Jonny, can I tell you a secret?” she asked after a fewminutes of driving the truck around and making ‘vroom, vroom’ noises.

The little brunetteboy looked up at her with wide blue eyes that were a perfect match for hercousin’s and her own. His Kryptonian heritage was as strong as theirs despitebeing part human.

“Okay”.

“I get scared”, she whispered as though it was a top DEO secret.“I’ve been kidnapped by bad people and seen them do terrible things to thepeople I love. I’ve been forced to watch and felt so helpless despite beingsuper strong and having heat and x-ray vision. Even Supergirl has nightmaresand gets so terrified that she’s scared to close her eyes and sleep at night”.

“You do?” Jon whispered back, his eyes widening as though hecould hardly believe what she was saying could be true but it was. Karacouldn’t count the amount of times she’d lost sleep because of nightmares orfear.                

“I do. Even Superman gets terrified and scared and needs helpsometimes. We all do, no matter how strong we are or how many powers we have”.

The child turned back to his toys and Kara wondered for amoment if he was going to open up to her. “I…I was scared…last week when thenasty clown took me”.

“I can’t blame you. That clown was super scary. We were allscared”, Kara assured him.

“Not because he said he would hurt me”, Jon continued. “Butbecause he said he was gonna kill Mommy and then Daddy came and he hurt him andUncle Bruce. I was scared that they’d go away like Grandma and Grandpa Kent”.

“Oh sweetie”, Kara pulled the boy up onto her lap, trying toignore the sting of tears that was steadily building in the back of her eyes.“You know that as long as the Earth is moving and the Sun is spinning yourdaddy is not going to let some lame clown or evil person take him away fromyou. And neither will I or your uncle Mon-El or Auntie Alex let that happen.You will grow up with a Mommy and a Daddy that loves you very much so you don’tneed to be scared, alright? Auntie Kara will always protect your Daddy if hecan’t protect himself”.

“Do you promise?”

“I promise”, Kara vowed and cuddled Jon to her chest.

Mon-El watched the scene in front of him with his own eyesglazing over slightly. He could just imagine Kara holding their child wholooked like a perfect mix of both of them and giving them reassurances whenthey got scared or had nightmares. It never really occurred to him until thatmoment how much he wanted for him and Kara to have a child of their ownsomeday. He just hoped that she wanted that too.

After their visit, when they were back in National City andwalking towards their apartment complex, Mon-El told her, “You’ll make a greatmom someday, Kara”.

The reporter looked at him with startled blue eyes, her mindhaving been on something completely different. “What?”

Mon-El blushed as she stared at him, the back of his earsreddening slightly. “I just mean that if you ever want to have children…with me…youknow…you’d make a good mom. You’re great with Jon”.

“That’s just because I can give him back afterwards”, shechuckled lamely, her eyes flickering to the ground.

“No I’ve seen you with all kids and you’re incredible. Ithink any child would be lucky to have you for its mom…unless you don’t wantkids with me and I can totally understand why, I mean I’d be a lousy father. Imean look at the examples my parents set? Yeah I couldn’t blame you for thinkingthat”.

“What?! No!” Kara exclaimed, sensing that Mon-El was beingserious. “I’d love to have kids eventually, you just took me off guard. And youwould be a wonderful father, Mon-El.

“You’re parents weren’t good people butthey didn’t turn you into a bad person just through being related to them. You’remore than they ever were. Besides from being an actual hero, you have one of the biggesthearts of anyone I know and you’re brave.

“Jon thinks of you as his hero especially since he sawyou charge in to rescue him last week. Not to mention you have a way with kids,you’re almost one yourself”, she added with a laugh. “If I am to have kids withanybody on Earth then I’d want it to be with you”.

As soon as she finished speaking, her fiancé swooped in andkissed her, unable to hold back his surge of love for this woman. After theypulled away, Kara joked affectionately “well I don’t think we should try to make one right nowin the middle of National City. I like to write the news, not make it”.

[notionsofasimpleton]

Dog Shit

When I opened my eyes she was already awake, her dark silhouette moving slowly throughout the room. I let my eyes adjust to the darkness as I watched her every move as she piled each piece of clothing one on top of the other. Before long she had a handful and made her way out the room. I watched her quietly close the door bedroom and laid in silence as I waited for the main door to open and close. Five minutes had passed before I heard anything, then there was the opening of the fridge. A second later it closed and a few more seconds after that I heard the main door open, followed by her key locking it shut. The sound left an unsettling feeling that echoed throughout the walls, I waited for it to stop. I glanced over at my phone in the dark, it was only half past four, I tried to go back to sleep.

           The light from the window shined bright through the blinds as I rolled out of bed. I needed curtains I thought to myself, I don’t know how many more mornings I could put up with being woken by the sunlight. I made my way to the kitchen and started up the coffee maker, then I walked lazily to the restroom to take a piss. Afterwards I gave my teeth a good brush and washed my face with warm water in fear that the cold might throw me into shock. I always thought it was better to ease into the mornings rather than being hit by them, that is, if you were giving the option. Most weren’t given the option. I looked at myself in the mirror wondering if there was any new difference, another day older, when would it show?

           Back in the kitchen the coffee was done and I poured myself a cup filling it with Splenda and hazelnut creamer. I took a long drink and headed out to the balcony. Outside the sun was shining bright, but a nice breeze made it bearable. I had a seat on one of the chairs outside and began to look down across at the ground floor of the apartment complex, I lived on the second floor. There was a man walking his Bichon Frise through the parts of grass and he or she was sniffing for a good place to shit. Moments later the dog found a nice spot on the sidewalk. The man looked around and then began on a slight jog away from the scene, he didn’t notice me. I watched the big pile of shit as it rested in the middle of the sidewalk, I was sure someone would step in it. A man or woman too busy to notice a giant pile right in front of them, what a way to start the morning.

           The first person that passed was a mother and her two children. She looked to be in her early 30s and had dirty blonde hair. She was trying to manage holding her purse and pulling her two children, a boy and a girl, as they walked along the sidewalk. I was sure it’d be one of them. When they began to get closer I watched without taking my eyes off. About 5 steps before, the little boy raised his finger pointing at the big pile, “Momma… Momma look its poo!”. She slowed down only slightly and made her way through the grass dodging the big pile of shit.

           Then next person to come up the walkway was Donaldson, the old man who lived below me. He was a good man, when I first moved in he brought me a fifth of whiskey and we had a few drinks before he went back to his flat. He lived alone since his wife passed and although him and I were on good terms, I couldn’t say the same for the others that lived in our complex. He walked with a cane but somehow managed to move swiftly, using it more as a utensil to get an extra step rather than to hold himself up. When he got close to the pile of shit I stood up.

“Donaldson, watch out for that pile of dog shit!”

“What?”

He used a hearing aid. I shouted louder.

           “The pile of dog shit, Donaldson!”

He finally managed to see what I had been pointing at and his face grew red.

“WHAT IN THE BLOODY NAME OF…WHO IN THE HELL…AGHHH! FUCKING SHIT!”

I tried to hold back tears of laughter and joined him in the rage to know I was on his side.

“Fucking animals I tell ya, these young folks don’t have no respect these days Donaldson”

           “You’re damn right they don’t! Somebody gotta teach these kids some manners. I gots to clean this up before somebody steps in it.”

And with that I watched him move quickly as he passed the dog shit, looking back every few steps mumbling words I couldn’t quite make out. When he left, the complex went quiet and I noticed my mug was empty. I made a trip back inside and filled up with coffee, creamer, and Splenda again. I thought it was a good time to check my phone so I made my way to the bedroom and lifted up the sheets with one hand while I maintained my coffee in the other. With one good tug my phone flew up off the bed and landed on the floor. I picked it up examining for signs of damage and then made my way back to the main room. I took a seat on the sofa and opened up my phone. One message was from my boss asking if I could come in today, the other was from Gracie explaining why she left.

I’m sorry I had to leave so early, I hope I didn’t wake you. I just had to be back home before you know who. Let’s get together again tonight? I promise I’ll stay the whole night this time. I’ll even make us breakfast in the morning. Talk to you later

 I read the message twice over and thought about “you know who”, and the situation at whole. What a hole I dug myself into, I thought to myself.

Sure. Come whenever. See you later.

             After sending the message part of me wished I could take it back. I didn’t really know how much I wanted her over anymore. The same routine grew tiresome. Late night stays followed by quiet getaways. Most guys wouldn’t complain, but then again, I wasn’t most guys. While I laid back on the couch I hear a man scream from outside. I ran to the balcony.

“WHAT THE FUCK! WHO THE HELL LEFT THIS SHIT?”

It was a man in shorts and a tank, he looked like had been jogging. He stomped on the sidewalk smearing it across the pavement in hopes of scraping it off his new balance. To top all the commotion Donaldson finally came back out with a plastic bag.

“What the hell are you doing? You’re smearing it all over the fucking place! Didn’t anyone ever teach you how to clean dog shit off your shoe, get a fucking stick or wipe it in the grass!”

Donaldson lunged his cane at the jogger, jabbing him in the chest. The man stumbled back.

“Hey watch where you still that thing you old fart!”

“I’ll stick it up your ass if you don’t get the hell out of here! Now somebody’s gotta spray this shit down. Go on, get the hell outta here!”

The man looked up and saw me leaning off the balcony, then glanced back at Donaldson before making his way back in the other direction smelling of dog shit and body odor. Donaldson was making his way back to his place to get the hose when I thought I’d help him.

“Don’t worry about it Donaldson, I’ll hose it down.”

“You know, you’re a good kid Ritchie, not like these other assholes around here. Why don’t you come over for a cup of joe after you finish cleaning up?”

“Sure Pops, I’ll be over in a bit”

I pulled out the hose and began spraying down the pavement. The whole morning, I spent waiting for someone else to step in shit and here I was cleaning it up, I laughed at the thought. 10 minutes later I was putting up the hose and walked on over to Donaldson’s. The door was open and he was mixing his coffee, he drank his black.  “I don’t have any of that hazelnut crap you drink but there’s some milk in the fridge”, he said. I pulled out the carton and filled up the cup he set out for me.

“Any plans for today kid?”

“Other than cleaning up dog shit? No.”

“I got a little pot from that guy Evan on the other side of the complex if you want to smoke. Back in my day our stuff looked more like dirt than anything else. Today you get half for twice the price, stuff packs a punch though.”

“I’m not much of a smoker”

“Neither am I”

           15 minutes later the old man and I were passing a little joint back and forth taking turns coughing. “How bout I throw on some music?”, he said. I watched him fiddle with an old record player in the corner of the room and put on something by Fleetwood Mac. Before long he was moving his shoulders and snapping his fingers while holding up the roach. The music was relaxing and eventually I was laying on the couch with my shoes off staring up at the ceiling. Donaldson stretched all the way back in his Lazy boy.

“You know that girl Gracie, the one that’s been over a few times, I introduced you?”

“The pretty little brunette, how could I forget. What about her?”

“Well, she has a boyfriend and I guess part of me cares and the other part of me could care less. I love when she’s around but when she’s gone all I can think about is her being with that other guy.”

“Well kid, from what it sounds like, that isn’t the best way to start off a relationship. The longer it goes on the deeper hole you’re going to find yourself in. Eventually you’re gonna get attached and you “only care part of the time” is going to caring “full time” and then you’ll really have a problem on your hands. But, I also don’t want to turn you away from a cute little thing like that, so enjoy the ride while it lasts, just remember it’s all short term and everything will be alright.”

           I thought about what he said and it all made sense. He was right. It was just hard to enjoy something knowing it wouldn’t be around forever. I often found myself thinking about the future instead of enjoying the moment and this time wasn’t any different. Even with his advice I still didn’t know what to do.

“Thanks Pops, I think I’m gonna head upstairs now, I gotta few things to do.”

“Anytime kid. And thanks for picking up that dog shit again.”

He walked me to the door and I made my way upstairs. It was already 5, where did all the time go? When I got to my room my eyes were heavy and I thought about going to sleep but my place was a mess. I cleaned off the kitchen counter and threw out the trash. After that I vacuumed the rest of the place and started thinking about what to eat. Chinese sounded good, maybe some shrimp fried rice. I grabbed the number off the refrigerator and dialed from my cellphone.

“Hello this is Star Wok, pick-up or delivery?”

“Delivery.”

“Ah Ritchie my boy, the usual today?”

“Yeah Sui, could you add an order of shrimp fried rice to that too?”

“Sure thing boss, it’ll be $14.25. And give me 30 minutes and I’ll be over there.”

“You’re doing the deliveries now?”

“Just today, that little bastard Michael called off again today, said he was down with the flu.”

“Well shit, see you in 30 Sui.”

           After I hung up the phone I jumped in the shower. I let the water out cold in hopes of waking me up. I couldn’t help but think back to Gracie. She’d probably be on her way home from work around this time. I washed my hair and scrubbed my body, then got out and dried off. Back in the bedroom I threw on some shorts and a t-shirt when I heard the bell ring. I snatched my wallet from the counter table and pulled out a 20 before opening the door.

           Sui was a thin Asian man who also was on the short side. He had to be in his mid 40s and wore thick glasses that made his tiny eyes appear huge. He was wearing a striped shirt and light jeans when I opened the door.

“Just the man I wanted to see, come on in Sui.” “Okay, but I can’t stay long, a lot of deliveries to go out.”

“That damned Michael.”

“Little asshole, this the second day he called off this week. I fire him when he get back.”

“What I owe you again?” “$14.25”

“Here, keep the change.”

“Thanks Ritchie, need any more soy sauce?”

“No I’m okay, thanks.” “Well I gots to be going, 3 more deliveries to make.”

“Alright, see ya Sui”

After he left I sat the food in front of the TV and turned on a movie. It was Swingers, it was at the part where Vince Vaughn was telling the story about how he tried out for a big brother part in some after school special. I dug into the teriyaki chicken and picked at the shrimp fried rice. When the movie was over and the food was gone I threw away the trash and began reading on the balcony. Ask the Dust by John Fante, my fifth time reading it. I read a good 50 pages before I realized how dark it had gotten outside. Gracie still was a no show. I went back into the apartment and decided to get ready for bed. I moved throughout the apartment turning off all the lights one by one until I was in complete darkness. When I made it to the bedroom I fell into the bed and stared up at the ceiling. My eyes grew heavy but my mind was still wandering, I closed them and began to think what I’d do tomorrow, end things with Gracie maybe. I let the thought past and then there was nothing.

           Somewhere in the back of my head I heard a click, what was it? It was loud and followed by a screeching noise that stretched high and then low. It was the front door. I made no moves, but opened my eyes. The bedroom door opened next and she stumbled in. I heard her heels click against the floor as she took them off. It was too dark to see her face. She then pulled down her dress and was down to her panties. Her silhouette moved slowly and when she got to the corner of the bed, I closed my eyes again. She crawled in and laid there next to me, the smell of liquor lingering through the sheets.

-J.C.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13th January 2019

Don’t expect these to come out on a specific day in the week, just expect them to come, alright? For what I suppose is the second season, I’m not pressuring myself to get them out always on a Wednesday or a Sunday, just any day possible, okay? I introduced this concept today because, yes, this is kind of late and yes, this week is tiring and for all I care, doesn’t exist. Let’s go.

Top 10

“Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max is still at the top spot for what I think is either its third or fourth week at the top. It might even be fifth, I don’t know. Okay song, I’m surprised it’s gotten this big though.

Ariana Grande also isn’t moving since last week at the runner-up spot with “thank u, next”.

Up a spot from last week, however, is “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus.

Speaking of great songs succeeding, also up a single spot is “Wow.” by Post Malone, now at number-four, right next to his other song, in fact.

Yup, the current US Hot 100 #1 (and one of the best in God knows how long) is down two spots to number-five in the UK, and it’s “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee, from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

Remember when Dave and Fredo debuted at #1, and it was just a really perplexing moment for me? Well, the dude’s done it again, as his new track with Headie One (who doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page, mind you), “18HUNNA”, has debuted at number-six. I’m assuming this is Headie One’s first anything, but I know this is Dave’s fifth top 40 hit and second top 10 hit over here, and to be fair, I’m actually starting to really like Dave, so I hope this is good, and I’m happy for the guy.

Oh, and in stark contrast, the absolutely dreadful James Arthur, with Anne-Marie on their cover of “Rewrite the Stars”, up a spot to number-seven.

A six-space gain for George Ezra at number-eight as “Hold My Girl” becomes his fifth top 10 hit.

Speaking of ballads that have grown on me, “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings is also up three positions to number-nine.

Finally, “Without Me” by Halsey is up a space to #10. Cool, I guess.

Climbers

“Play” by Jax Jones and Years & Years is up eight spots off the debut to #11, “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa has end-of-year boosts to thank for its delayed 15-spot gain to #22, and that’s it. We might as well try and get the Returning Entries out of the way right now as well. I’m planning to experiment more with structure so see stuff like this being out of order coming.

Returning Entries

Again, thanks to the year ending and the BRITs nominations being revealed, some of the biggest hits of last year have had increases in streaming and such, meaning “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne is back at #40 and “2002” by Anne-Marie is back at #37. That’s all.

Fallers

Now we have a few more of these than we do climbers: “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down eight spaces to #14 – stay there or go away, I don’t care what you do, but whatever you do, don’t creep up to the top 10 again. Anyways, other than that, we have “Shotgun” by George Ezra down nine spots to #16, “Thursday” by Jess Glynne slowly falling down six spaces to #19, both “This is Me” by Keala Settle and “A Million Dreams” by P!nk from The Greatest Showman taking seven-position hits down to #23 and #24, “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith down six spots, “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj down 10 spaces and “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora down six positions to #27, #28 and #29 respectively, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille sadly down nine to #35, and finally, “The Greatest Showman” by Hugh Jackman, Keala Settle, Zac Efron, Zendaya and The Greatest Showman Ensemble is down 13 spots to #38.

Dropouts

I’m going to order these from where they are on the charts this week, so, let’s just run through these because there’s a decent amount. “Money” by Cardi B is out from #35, “A Million Dreams” by Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman and Michelle Williams is out from #30, “Body” from Loud Luxury and brando is out from #39, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is out from #38, “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B is out from #34, and finally, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran is out from #40.

Special Feature

This year, I’m going to talk about more non-charting songs, so I’ll rip off Spectrum Pulse like I’ve been doing for a full year or so now, and do something like his new Ideal Hit section. Instead of songs that he thinks should be hits, I’m just going to pick a song that I see has been getting a push and want to be a hit because it’s really freaking good. Let’s start with:

SHOUT-OUT #1 – “Voila” – N.E.R.D., Gucci Mane and Wale

“Alright, come on, let’s go”. Those words are somehow so effective in starting this borderline masterpiece off. I don’t even know how to express my absolute love and fascination for this song in words. While N.E.R.D.’s comeback album NO_ONE EVER REALLY DIES was good, it was inconsistent, although this is probably my favourite track from there, excluding perhaps “Don’t Don’t Do It!”, which, yes, is somehow even better than this. Listen, I’m not a massive fan of either Gucci Mane or Wale, in fact, I think Wale kind of sucks, honestly – but put Gucci Mane on an energetic new wave beat and I’ll marry you. His Southern drawl makes his performance on the relatively complex yet catchy hook seem effortless, and then the pitch-shifted Pharrell Williams sounds just great, almost as a stark contrast to Gucci though, as Gucci is lazy yet smooth, while Pharrell is so stiff and that works perfectly, as even when he goes on more interesting vocal runs, he’s robotic. The beat strips itself down to bass and drums for Pharrell’s sole verse in which he tries to motivate the listener, before a robotic pre-chorus, in which he makes himself sound so emotionless, but it’s on purpose because what it’s saying is that self-improvement like Gucci’s after prison isn’t perfect and isn’t magic. It slows down briefly for a smooth Pharrell bridge, but then it comes back to the insane, beautifully cluttered new wave jam, and I’m going to remove all pretence and just say, yeah, it’s a bop. It’s fun, and then Gucci’s last “different” is dragged on and repeated, because, guess what? The song comes back as something different, in this case, a tropical trap beat with steel pans and kicks drowning out Wale’s half-hearted, lazy flow, which works because it’s stream-of-consciousness delivery with such a clearly calculated, simple and concise verse. The whole song can be seen as a motivational jam or some kind of sarcastic parody of those songs, but either way you see it, it’s fantastic. I’ve seen this in Apple ads, I hope this becomes a smash, even though it probably won’t. It happened to “Lemon” with Rihanna so I can hope.

NEW ARRIVALS

We have a lot of hip-hop and R&B today so let’s start with something that is decidedly neither of those things.

#33 – “Grace” – Lewis Capaldi

Lewis Capaldi’s a Scottish dude, and he released this song in September of last year, naturally becoming a smash hit in his home country. In the UK overall however, it’s been a sleeper hit and this is his first song to hit the top 40, so is it any good? Do I have any hope for Capaldi’s future work? I mean, it’s okay, I guess. It starts with subtle, light piano that is so bare that it feels Capaldi’s immediate anger and frustration is unwarranted, especially in the pre-chorus because I feel there isn’t any build-up to anything here. In fact, I’ve heard this before, I vividly remember hating it because of how abrupt everything was, and yup, I get why. This is aggravatingly slap-dash to me, and I know that you kind of have to be in today’s pop climate, but that’s America. This is Scotland, and it sounds like the dude who does the clean vocals for a Scottish post-hardcore band was told to water himself down over “Fight Song”. No, thanks.

#25 – “Options” – NSG featuring Tion Wayne

Okay, so first of all, who? Let’s see what I can gather from Wikipedia and other sources. NSG is the Northampton School for Girls, but they’re a group that is also part of the GRM Daily crowd, as we have at least one of these guys each week, and Tion Wayne I’m assuming is also from that general field of UK hip-hop, although he’s more of a Link Up TV than a GRM Daily, I guess. This is obviously the first top 40 hit for either artist, and I wish more of the reggae/grime stuff we get was like this. I like how it immediately scares you with that sharp, eerie piano line, with a vocal effect on one of these guys’ voice that is really effective considering it muffles him. The verses come in and we have conflicting piano melodies that actually complement each other, with NSG and Tion Wayne both bringing simple flows and fun deliveries. Sure, it’s nothing new, the content is all stuff we’ve seen before, and it’s probably way too long. Some of the NSG dudes are actually pretty decent singers, or at least ride on the beat well enough for me to not notice, like Kruddz, but the longest verse goes to Tion Wayne, and he kills it. I love how layered the track is, with all the strings and the claps coming together in the final chorus with keys that almost sound like trumpets blaring behind everything. It feels really triumphant and is pretty great in that regard. For people into this stuff, I recommend it.

#15 – “Undecided” – Chris Brown

Go away and take your illegal monkey with you, you abusing, detestable waste of time and money. Your song sucks, you can’t even sing anymore, and your production is always cheap and in this case, kind of tinny? You can’t rap, either, so don’t try. We’ve been putting up with you for a whole decade now and I’m sick of it, and I’m sick of you. I am not going to review your song. Fair enough? Fair enough.

#6 – “18HUNNA” – Headie One and Dave

No matter what I say, this song is definitely going to grow on me like most British rap I review on this show does. I do have to say, though, I understand why this one debuted so high, because Dave lazily rehashes his “Funky Friday” flow in his opening verse. This production feels like a cheap, trash type beat downloaded off of YouTube, with its shrill piano, synths and badly-mixed bass. Headie One is pretty awful on here, barely staying on beat and literally cutting himself off mid-line and mid-rhyme scheme to even attempt to keep steady through what is a way too long verse, although I respect the Pot Noodles reference, I guess. Yeah, no, this is gutter trash. I’m disappointed in 1-6 here, because the “Funky Friday” beat is great, although to be fair, that was co-produced by Dave. Get this out of my face.

Conclusion

What an awful week. There’s a reason I wanted to have an extra song that I could talk about positively, because this week was a constant fuel of garbage. Headie One and Dave get Worst of the Week for “18HUNNA”, with Dishonourable Mention going to human trash Chris Brown for “Undecided”. Best of the Week goes to that NSG and Tion Wayne song, I guess? Yeah, that’s a pretty dope song. See you next week, and let’s hope for “Voila”.

[deruste]

chapter 5 mira

I wouldn’t trade this sleep for anything in the world right now. It’s what I’m wishing I could be saying right now. No matter how many times I close my eyes the only thing I see is the giant wave swallowing New York and all those people dying right in front of me, the screams echoing in my ears. I was not complaining though because Amber began to talk my ear off about what she saw since we were saved.

“So after we went through that portal Kulen, that green guy had you rushed to this place.” As Amber was talking I started toward the door, seeing the faint outline of two figures with two sets of arms and the different skin between them. Least I know this place keeps its surprise even after the first time its hosts them on you. “You alright?” she sat at the left side of the hospice bed as I was lying down with the feeling that we shouldn’t be here.

“Just a little discombobulated that’s all, I mean with every that’s happened I surprised I’m not insane at this point.” She turned her head towards the single window the empty room had. The room was nice enough very make sure the patient is calm at all times kind of feeling but still, it could be worse for something described as a military complex, besides hard to complain about getting the room with a window facing the ocean. The moon was blocked out by some clouds but there was still some light billowing out of it. “Amber?”

“Yes.” she jerked her head to face me again, It looked like her hair color was slowly washing away losing the red coloring revealing some brown patches.

“Why do you care about me? I mean nothing about it, your company is welcomed but still, we only know each other for four days and I barely know anything about you.” She took exception to that and faced me dead in the eyes.

“Well, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t worry about someone well-being besides you are going through a lot right now and it would be a dick move to go away right now. You talked with a god and made a deal with it, we are caught in the middle of a war against an empire that I never even heard about. It best if we stay together especially since….” She goes silent for a few second and then tries to reinforce a smile.

  “Hm Hm.” We turned to face the door and saw that Damien and Alex had returned with as many bags they can carry of assorted items. Alex picked out a something wrapped in warm clothes and tossed it to Amber. “We found a deli that sells meat that we can eat and some vegetables they had in a farmers market.” Amber unwrap the cloth and inside was a ham sandwich in-between two pieces of bread that I felt was warm even if it wasn’t near me. Alex tossed one to me and Damien and put his hand in the bag again. “I have some spread here if anyone wants some.”

“No thanks, I’m not getting near any of your spreads again after the last time.” Damien shifted uncomfortably and started to move a large bag overflowing with cloth, fabric, wool. He was not exactly what you called very strong and one of the guys at the door actually turned around to pick it up for him. “I had it.” He grumbled.

“What’s with the bags filled with random crap. Why are there books with weird ass symbols in this one?” Amber started too looked into a red bag filled with old antiques pulling out more old items.

“Those are mine actually; I had the lads gather some material for a project.” An echoed voice came from behind Alex who immediately moved out of the way for him or it; I can’t really tell Duran’s voice sounds very neutral. The statue person called Duran walked past Alex and grabbed the items Amber picked out. “I would appreciate it if you do not damage these artifacts. Most of them are very old and more importantly very potent, break them and you might risk us being consumed in arcane fire.” Amber nearly dropped the books in her hand and packed them back into the red bag. “I also have some news on that I would like to share with all with all of you. Alone preferably.” Duran turned to the figures behind him with his (just going to give him that moniker to keep things simple) blank expression but neither moved from position. I think one even stuck his tongue at him. He ignored them though and proceeded to tell about his arrangement with his old comrade I guess, from the way he talked about them they sounded like old friends that scorned him. “They agreed to be you’re…. Indentured servants.” There was a second of pause till it seemed to sink in what the term meant.

“Wait who told you we wanted them as slaves, we don’t want any more part of this.” Amber was the first to react and understandably very angrily.

“Why even slaves, what they committed was a war crime right? Spying for the enemy. Shouldn’t they be in some kind of court?” I pause to think of Damien words, maybe Kulen pulled some strings but still it does seem ridicules. What even passed through Duran head that gave him the idea we want them, servants, the crazed bastards tried to kill us why would we want them serving tea for us.

“The Kollestian court won’t intervene because they believe this to be human matter. The legion is only keeping them locked up because it was their job to hide magic from humans but recent events have left things up in the air for awhile for them. It’s also an old law, a thousand years old to be exact and the legion deemed them to valuable to kill but have need of the prison so this… was arranged.” He kept himself in some kind of motion as he talked; swaying back and forth, swing his arms, and messing with his sharp fingers. He waddled to the window and stared out into the night sky. “You also have to leave soon.”

“Wait for what now?” Damien walked up to him and tried to get on his tiptoe to match the stone Bluto’s 7ft stature. “First you tell us that you are giving us dangerous monster as “servants” now you’re telling us that were about to be booted out of this city for no good reason.” Duran turned and put his blank face a few inches away from Damien’s face. He started to falter on his stance, sinking into own clothes like a turtle retracting its head.

“First little human I’m being evicted as well so don’t aggravate you new traveling companion. Second I’m pretty sure if they're left alone they’ll find a way to get out and knowing them personally, they would have a track you all down for cold blood. Third I want them under constant watch, My Watch and by extension yours, so they can’t do anything harmful. I’m not trying to get you killed; I’m here to help just let me do that.” Damien started to settle down after getting calmer.

“So when are they evicting us?” Damien does not know to quit while he is ahead.

“In two weeks if everything goes smoothly but they don’t know where to send all the refugees?”

“Hey, Duran quick pro queue Where are we exactly South America, Asia, Europe,” Alex interjected.

“We are not on earth.” Duran went back to the window and put both hands on the frame of it, leaning intently on it. Then a slow clap was heard as rhythmic as gears of a clock with the sound of a fancy loafer on a wooden floor.

“Aw fan-friggin-tastic, What’s next Amber a goddess, Alex is the king of France, Mira given birth to Satan mixed with Tim curry and Ian McClellan is the father.” Oh god, I think he snapped “It seems everything I think we reached the pinnacle of madness it turns out it grows fifteen feet tall every time we get close to it.”

“If he’s done melting down into a mush of insanity, the world we currently on is called Vanaheim a world inhabited by gods worshiped by the people you call Vikings.” The name rang several bells in my head. When I was younger (and to a smaller extent now) I read a lot of kiddy versions of old myths and remember being in my mother’s old library reading the old stories. I think I remember there are many stories of different cultures saying their other worlds outside of the normal one and I’m on one right now arguing with a statue. Damien is right this is near the pinnacle.    

“Oh, that puts the icing on the cake. This is a home for Norse gods in another plane of existence. Is there anything else you want to drop on us before I say screw it and jump out that window!?” Damien just needs a cuckoo-clock to complete his act. I only knew Damien for less than a week but from what I have seen of him so far he is very quick to jump the gun even on a living statue.    

“I’m going to save that for tomorrow seeing as you are so agitated right now. Tal-no, the warrior in the golden armor will show you three to your rooms.” A shiny figure was standing in the door in heavy armor waiting for them.

“See you tomorrow I guess, Good night Mira,” Alex said dragging Damien by the arm as he was staring down Duran.

“Hope you sleep well, I’m going to sleep like a dead log.” Amber followed them down out of the room and there was no else but me and Duran. Well, this will be a healthy dose of awkward.

“Soooo um, how long have you know them.” I see he’s the one asking questions now.

“Four days, five if you count today.”

“And yet they want to stay by your side trough all this. Don’t squander that loyalty like that is extremely rare for all People, not just humans.” He paused himself abruptly looking down from the window. “You seemed not to be very surprised or confused when I said where we were.”

“I know a little bit of mythology, I know it was the home to some wisdom and fertility gods.”

“Is, you mean to say is.”

“Riiiiight is, sorry still adjusting to the whole gods are a real thing.” He picked out a chair and took a seat right next to the bed.

“You’re not alone on that front, For most of my life, I had believed that the gods of my homeland had a plan for all creatures under the empire. That has been smashed like fine china by the actions of the empire of late. I will not believe this war of extinction was not what they wanted for your kind.” He had his hands buried in his hands as he spoke but his voice retained its strange unnaturally calm sound, guess it kept it demeanor even when its owner falters instance. “But you don’t want to just to listen to my problems of faith; we need to discuss some things in the morning I will be here taking guard for tonight.”

“Uhh, not to ungrateful but why do you need to watch me as I sleep?” He pulled his head from his hands and shifted uncomfortably for a little bit.

“I rather not take chances that there are any deserters on this side of the war especially with all the rumors I’ve been hearing.”

“What rumors?”

“There are talks about some groups that think it would be better for the humans to be wiped out and others that believe that can make deal with Shinnu-yah to be allies. There have been sightings of anti-human groups circling the places they set up refugees. Gods know what they plan to do with them.”

“So every magical creature hates humanity, great just great. Guess those myths were based on more fact than I realized. So your people were what staying underground, another dimension all this time and chose the time we have weapons that wipe out cities to attack.”

“He he he that’s the council, in a nutshell, they won’t deal with something till they believe it poses a threat of wiping else out or if it ruffles the puffy coats of the Augers. I couldn’t tell you the reason why we never interacted with your kind but to be frank we did know about you in a vague sense. We have myths about ancient humans being easily mystified by our ancestors, tricked into giving valuable items or resources. When I was undercover I found the only closet thing was a place called Atlantis or something to that same structure.”

“Wait you guys are Atlantians, Damien right there is just too much of this shit to deal with.” He turned his head in an inquisitive manner towards the end of my words.

“Why would anyone deal with excrement, this is a serious manner Mira and you might be the only thing that stands between your friends and death. If I know my countrymen they won’t stop till every land that could challenge them is no longer exists and trust me when I say they could succeed in this.” Duran everybody a ray of the sunshine for any occasion available for parties and stand ups for all kinds. I think Duran might exaggerate a bit here and there, I mean it’s not like they actually think they can take over the world. Besides, if I in another world even if I can’t stay in Kollesta maybe it would be better to go with other refugees.  “You don’t have to plan everything out now and you need your rest. Just go to bed and I’ll see you in the morning.” I am pretty tired, some rest isn’t going to kill me but I have reserves for having a statue look over me while I sleep.

“Fine ill go to sleep.” I pull the sheets over to my neck and close my eyes read too slowly to fall to sleep. “So I’m going to take a guess that you don’t need to sleep, eat or drink right.”

“Wanted to add something else to the “shit that I have to deal with” list?”

“Just wanted to sure you’re not some guys in a suit waiting?” He got up from the chair.

“Waiting for what?”

“Well for aaa aaa, to aaa aaa to, you know with the birds and the bees.” He crossed his arms while lying against a corner of the room.

“Do human thought always go towards sex, I thought it was only the male of the gender that do that.”

“Shut up and let me go to bed.” I actually got some sleep this time around; guess maybe Duran staying guard comes with some security. Anyway, it was a strange dream, to say the least, me going to my old school in with everyone fawning over me. I was wearing the most beautiful dress made from rare silk and heel that made a foot taller, I don’t even like this crap but everyone want was screaming where she got that dress and those shoes. Every girl wishing they could be me or trying to find a single flaw while trying to apply to achieve the beauty I had with no makeup with dumping it into their very eye sockets. every guy going slacked gnaw or swooning over me. I got to my first class and when I sat down everyone wanted was asking to their heart content how I was so beautiful and smart but then the teacher came in. I never had this kind of dream before, I usually just have a dream that I’m at my old home in Chicago. Hardy har har I’m boring in that way all right.  

“Hello students, Mrs. Munoz had to stay home since her home fell on her during the conflict on the east coast.” The teacher was exactly like one of those guys that me and my friends at our throats. He or she (like Duran it had a gender neutral voice like a Macintosh) was wearing a frumpy old styled suit like on pictures of the great depression that seemed to fit it like a second skin if it had skin, to begin with. It had a hood that was inscribed with different symbol wrapping around the head with its only feature blank blue eyes glowing brighter than the rest of the body. In Its hands there were strange items; in one there was what looked like a golden cylinder with both ends with three throngs crafted to be dragons of Asian origin. The other hand had what looked like a strange staff with a curved edge made out of red metal while the rest looked ivory bathed in transparent metal that was given away with its sheen. “She tried to carry out her baby out of her burning home but was pinned under a support beam and only ending up crushing the life out of it as she was by the beam. My, how life likes to play out, isn’t that right Ms. Atherton. One minute you thought you were safe but then wham you get backhanded by something you shouldn’t interfere with or should I say Zelnam. Betrayer of the pantheon and renowned rabble rouser, I know who you really are. You think I wouldn’t kill a human whelp to get to you, you primordial coward.” The frumpy suit became a metal suit and the genderless being of light became like that dragon guy that had Alex at sword point with horns pointed up like a bull, straight forward with tremendous girth but when I looked at the newly appeared breastplate and noticed two things that were not there before.

“You’re a she.” She (I guess should be saying) was wearing the armor of the love child of a Greek soldier and a Mongol with the plumage helmet somehow accompanying the horns and greaves on her clawed feet but the shoulder pads, breastplate, gauntlets seemed to have been ripped off a medieval Asian warrior maybe a samurai. To top it off though there was a flag pole coming off her back, kind of ridiculous but yet bad-ass in the yeah I know you see it but it just a warning before I rip out your freaking throat and eat it in front of your comrades. The classroom started to twisted and malformed itself into a lost circle of hell, the circle of endless high school extra satanic edition. The classmates who were fawning me were now being contorted into a horrible monster, one boy sitting right next to me was turned into a crazed werewolf with his jaw and right arm fallen off. A girl on the other side began decaying and her flesh slowly fell off as her bones became more and more visible. A shorter boy behind on was falling apart like pottery with bright light coming out of the holes in his falling skin as he screamed in pain.

“You act the fool Zelnam? You don’t recognize your fellow god, Fornet. The patron of glory won in war and expansion of the empire.” She looked like a dragon had sex with an Amazon. She was taller than Duran whose freaking 7ft tall. Her head looked like it like it was a part of her helmet and her armor while looking like it was a part of her skin. Her eyes looked like that of cobra steadily her cowering prey. Most of the people in the room who were contorted are now lying on the floor twisted beyond repair all screaming in unison in pain for some to put them out of their misery. The girl with the decaying flesh grabbed my leg looking dead at me with her sunken in eyes slowly rotting into her skull. Not pretty.    

“I’m not him; I’m Mira I don’t even know who you are. Please, I didn’t do anything to deserve this.” The room started to change, dissolving into a particle of light going upwards into a starry night sky. The people around me were then highlighted by pillars of light and ghostly images of what they came out of them dissolving into the beautiful cosmos above my then I saw that I was on a spiraling tower above the earth.

“I knew it; this is his home the tower of Azira, the home of that bastard. You’re nothing more than one of his tricks.” A swirling mass of light came in between as she drew the staff to strike me slowly compacting into a humanoid figure.  

“And you’re nothing more than the brat of my bloodthirsty brother who’s only brought out of his waste of a realm to be one to take the blame when something’s goes wrong. Oh, and you're still milking what little savagery is still left in the Draconic’s.” He was not in the last form I saw him in he was if strip the flesh of a human and a there was just light in the shape of a person. He stood in front of the dragon Amazon thing and her spear which fun fact was burning with green fire that had the faces of people screaming inside it, so yah glad I’m not in front of that.

“You still kicking around you the excuse of divine blood. How is your pet project doing oh that’s right, there being slowly killed off by everything that has the sense to rid themselves of these parasites? And what is she suppose to be, leader of your human cult, toke a page out of the perverse Olympians and it’s your half-blood child or is it your incubator for them? You never help anyone unless you get something out of it. Call the pantheon conquest what you like we are continuing the reason exists, to spread stability if the world wants it or not. You once believed that you help us build it from scratch.”

“And you are pulling it to the ground and destroying what was going to be a promising society. You and the rest of the pantheon are destroying millennia of my work and are going to cause a war where no one will come out alive.” She was trying to circle around him to reach me but he raised his hand and she was push back by a small explosion. “You can’t stand against a primordial being, no matter how much of your own grandeur you believe. Be gone from my lands unless you want to face the full extent of my ability’s.”

“The pantheon will not stop its plans, it will bring give Albadon the golden age it deserves with or without your help.” The demented goddess turned into fiery smoke that had endless screaming coming out of it swirling towards a hole in the sky.

“So how was the dream I had sent to you.” I started to pinch my nose. Is he serious about this?

“Well, I don't think like a girl from the fifty's for one." He turned to face the earth and he seemed to change? I don't know how to explain it but he seemed to be to be multiple people at once fade ding into one another.

"Well, the last mortal I talked to was a time when Rome had just absorbed Greece then just blank for...?" He started to trail off and I start to try and guess how long ago that would be.

"Wait, when Rome absorbed Greece? Those are ancient civilizations. Just How old are you?" He turned to face me with the kind of look that I would associate with the look you would give someone for being unbelievably stupid.

"I thought that the Natum would tell you what I am at this point or you would be as intuitive as that friend of yours.”

“Wait what’s a Natum?”

“The stone one you call Duran and more importantly I’m one of his gods.”

“Whoa I’ve been forced to swallow a lot of things in the last two day but you being a god is something I’m going to lie down and believe.” His eyes swirling place began to glow bright purple and he began exerting a certain pressure like how you feel when being dropped by rollercoaster or any other state of freefall. He then began dissolving into a dark blue smoke that enveloped me within second in a small typhoon.

“YOU DEINE ME, THE ONE WHO STOP YOUR SOUL FROM GOING INTO THE ABYSS, THE ONE WITH ONLY WAY TO FIND WHAT LITTLE FAMILLY YOU HAVE!” The Typhoons wind was very powerful, nearly lifted me up into the air and forcing my eyes to close shut. “I, WHO STOP MY OWN PANTHEON FROM ENSLAVING YOUR RACE IN ITS INFANCY. I, WHO GAVE MAGIC TO MAN, HOW DARE YOU BRING DOUBT TO MY DIVINITY.” As the winds rushed all around me getting more intense by the minute I remember the first thing he shouted.

“You know where my mom is, tell me now or I won’t agree to your deal.”The winds only got more intense, my guess is that he didn’t like that retort.

“YOU DARE SPIT IN THE FACE OF MY GENEROUS OFFER; YOU NEED ME GIRL MORE THAN I NEED YOU. MY PANTHEON WILL HUNT DOWN ALL THOSE ASSOCIATED WITH ME WILLING OR NONE. YOU WANT TO LIVE, YOU WILL HAVE NEED OF MY POWER WHETHER I FULLY GIVE YOU IT OR NOT.” Strangely though the winds start to get calmer and the smoke gathered away from me. I open my eyes and see that he became a glowing woman, oooh kay. Let the madness proceed “But I am gracious you will keep my gift and to answer your question.” We seemed to move without moving. Now hang on I’ll explain. The setting around us was shifting like a power point slide. I wipe my eyes to help them recover from the wind barrage they took but when I manage to open them up again I saw a familiar sight.

“Bar the windows and put those desks in front of the main the door!” Here was a perplexing sight, a large group locking themselves into a library.

“Huh, this is both hysterical and demented to see.” I saw that I was in that translucent form again and was further shown with how the people saw right through me. Zelnam was still a woman but still had that shifting image appearance again but with the hard image of a woman this time around. We were in the middle of the old library in Celestine, wait if I’m here.

“Get behind me.”  A woman with red-rimmed glass, black business attire, hoop earrings, and flat shoes came in front of every else with an iron staff.  The staff was very ornate with a large red crystal at the top end of it growing brighter and brighter. Mom? Why is my mom holding a staff and telling everyone to get behind her?

“Ahhh one of Hecate’s brood. You are lucky to have her as a parent. Oh yes, this will make a good first lesson.”

“Wait what lesson, help them you demented bastard.” He turned his toward me and gave me the same “you’re such an imbecile” look.

“One I don’t have a gender; the arcane is a force that does not ask for species or gender or status in life, it merely asks for your nurture to blossom it. If I intervene my pantheon will know where I am and I don’t believe that I can defeat them all. You must also learn to use that gift I gave you, A gift wasted is worse than a gift used for ill.” He started to look around the library while phasing trough the scared crowd. “Tell me, why I can’t hear the sound of the spirits singing of dance and shamans but now of regret? What is…?” He stopped in front of a bookshelf labeled American history and he picked out a book in the middle of the shelf and stared at the cover of it. The cover had a picture of a group of Native American being slaughtered by American soldiers. “Sometimes you humans make it hard to praise your nature when damning evidence like this is in the fold.” He just stared at it and it began to burst into purple flame. “I want you to go to that group and raise your hand towards the barred door.”

“Why?” he turned to me again but… he had a glare that was so intense his female body burned around his eyes slowly peeling away to reveal the skeleton of light again burning this time around with more of that purple flame.

“You’re questioning me?”

“Nope I’m just going to stand over by this group but please put that fire away please didn’t you say something about them finding a minute ago.” I tried to keep my composure but the look of his eyes had seemed empty save for two dots of purple light. I obliged as the scary demon stared me down with precision and I passed through all the people body’s to get to the door. I’m kind of used to the cold feeling I get when I walk through someone which scared me more than the fact I had such a gift.

“Get away from the barricade. The monsters are breaking through.”

“They got Charlie!” I was standing right next to mom who didn’t even seem to notice me. Zelnam had come closer, still stripped of his flesh and burning on top a bookcase. The mass of people was in a small pit that was for story time for the kindergarten kids filled with cowering adults and some small children. It looked like we were in the main hall since I saw the main desk and that the door that was barricaded was the main entrance. The entrance was blocked with several of the books shelves.

“I want you to focus, take a breath and calm yourself, clear your mind of nothing but the door. Focus on the energy you feel around you.” I take a breath and try to calm myself as I hear a pounding on the door getting louder and louder as the crowd tries to huddle for safety but I felt something more when I had only thoughts on the problem on hand. I felt strings around me being pulled in different directions by her very breath a lot them gather near my mother and Zelnam. “Good, you see the string of arcane power. Now constrict them to cause tension. Clench your fist and think of wool being crushed in your fist. Don’t release until I say so.” I oblige and try to imagination such a thing. I felt energy gather at my clenching fist and heat building within it; I couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of glee as the energy gathered around my fist. “Now wait till you see the silver of their coats.”

“Wait for silver coats?”

“ARRRROOOOOOWWW!” The door began to break down further and further and the howling became more intense.

“Looks like the lands demand recompense for what has been committed on these grounds. It’s the only reason they’re around.”

“Who are they?” He ignored me and kept his eye on the door and my hand started to burn with … what was it? he said. Arcane power!  Whatever it was it felt like a grenade that was ready to burst at my command.

“THEY’RE THROUGH.”The bookcases that were blocking the door were blown apart as horrible monsters were now revealed.

“WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?” The monsters the people were running from looked like a mutated coyote on steroids. They walked on their hind legs and had exposed patches of skin where its bones are visible.

“ Wendigo, this continent's equivalent of the werewolf. They are created when a tribesman eats one of his own where there is a lot of magic of a negative persuasion. Don’t worry they burn like dried sticks. Now repeat what I say. Ku sai!” He pointed to the middle of the wendigos coming right toward my mother with his ribcage exposed rib.

“Ku sai!” An orb of purple energy went out of my hand and tore the monster to pieces. My mom had a look of confusion as the wendigos started to inch away from their fallen pack member. She looked around her trying to find the translucent source of the magic.

“The hell? You all told me none of you knew magic.” The crowd looked to my mother with horror. “Alright take this. Throw it into the air and say wocha and go through it, I’ll hold them off.” A man with something metallic in his hand was rushing to the front of the rest of them. He had short hair and a beard that went to his ear. He was wearing a cop uniform with what I now saw was a pistol in his hand.

“I’m not leaving you here alone against those monsters, I swore to serve and protect the people and you know what going on. They will need you more than a cop who doesn’t what kind of shit is currently hitting the fan.” My mom seemed to pause a moment and looked at the monster who seemed to regained their instincts and were belly crawling to their prey.

“Your son is on the other side of that portal and those bullets won’t do any to them. Just go Ramon.” The man took a look at the monster and seemed to relent.

“Fine, give me the crystal and I promise to try to get people to rescue you later.” My mother started to laugh.

“Trust me, Ramon, if they cared to interfere we would be ass-deep in globins trying to rounded how much money to extort out of you.” He gave confused look and held out his hand and my mom tossed a symmetrical stone engraved in pentagrams.

“Come on you heard the woman go to the far end and stay away from the windows.” Everyone started to go the other way of the windigos.

“You can’t do anything to help them?”

“Unless you want to draw her attention again, no. but I’ll give your mother my blessing for the time being and watch her movements from afar. I’ll tell you if anything”

“Can’t I help her in some way or at least talk to her?” He looked at my mother for a bit and nodded.

“Instead of causing tension to the strings now mold into a wall. It will probably drain you dry but it will give you a minute to speak to your mother. Oh yeah if you pass out I'll send your soul pack to your body again. Hope their healers are good.”

“Tal vina!” I ignored his warning and refocus the string clenched in my hand forming a strong fence around the monsters. A barricade of see trough pillars surrounded them reaching up to the ceiling as I felt weak around my legs and I caught myself before I hit the ground. I saw my mother raise her staff and energy gather around the top tip of it. It glowed dark blue like a starry sky.

“Ridan, reveal yourself you … Mira!” She stared at me as I clenched my side in pain, the spell she used ripped through me like if the pins and needles feeling was replaced with a chainsaw kind of feeling. “Mira! Why is your spirit here, how did you do that? No just tell where are you, I’ll find a way to get there as soon as I can, you hear me, sweetie.” My mother was over my spirit with near tears in her eyes for me. I try to put my hand on her shoulder but it just went through her as did she attempts to hug and hold me.

“Creeeerrrakkk.” A crackling of sounded of teeth breaking against stone was audible behind mom. The barrier I set in place was falling apart as the monsters clawed their way out of it.

“Gods of ages, dear the spell nearly killed you. You must get back to your body or your spirit will fade.”

“*cough* Mom I’m at Kollesta, I can get people to get you or run over to those people you gave that stone, just get out of there, please. Theirs these monsters called Shinnu-yah coming this way; just make a way out or something like you always does.” She looked towards the crumbling barrier, stood firm and slammed her staff on the ground where a ring of fire began writing runes around her.

“Windogos don’t spread like this if I don’t do anything it will go out from this city to the others like a virus. I get there sweetie and trust me, I eluded magical disasters for most of my life. Just stay safe Mira you know that I love you.” She raised her hand and I tried to pick myself up to put it opposite to hers. “To sono.” A light was surrounding me and I saw that from my bottom half that I was disappearing.

“No please you’ll die here.” She just stood there with a smirk on her face as the barrier complete broke and her ring of fire shot ball after ball of fire at the wendigos.

“Have more faith in your mother; just stay safe so I can get to you soon. I promise.” Dad also promised that as he choked on smog, please don’t die. I felt the familiar sense of drowning as my vision was blackened and the power I felt faded away to nothing. I was an adrift ounce more in an abyss of darkness.

“Mira!Mira!” Duran?

[deruste]

Mira 2 chapter 5

I wouldn’t trade this sleep for anything in the world right now. It’s what I’m wishing I could be saying right now. No matter how many times I close my eyes the only thing I see is the giant wave swallowing New York and all those people dying right in front of me, the screams echoing in my ears. I was not complaining though because Amber began to talk my ear off about what she saw since we were saved.

“So after we went through that portal Kulen, that green guy had you rushed to this place.” As Amber was talking I started toward the door, seeing the faint outline of two figures with two sets of arms and the different skin between them. Least I know this place keeps its surprise even after the first time its hosts them on you. “You alright?” she sat at the left side of the hospice bed as I was lying down with the feeling that we shouldn’t be here.

“Just a little discombobulated that’s all, I mean with every that’s happened I surprised I’m not insane at this point.” She turned her head towards the single window the empty room had. The room was nice enough very make sure the patient is calm at all times kind of feeling but still it could be worse for something described as a military complex, besides hard to complain about getting the room with a window facing the ocean. The moon was blocked out by some clouds but there was still some light billowing out of it. “Amber?”

“Yes.” she jerked her head to face me again, It looked like her hair color was slowly washing away losing the red coloring revealing some brown patches.

“Why do you care about me? I mean nothing about it, your company is welcomed but still we only know each other for four days and I barely know anything about you.” She took exception to that and faced me dead in the eyes.

“Well, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t worry about someone well-being besides you are going through a lot right now and it would be a dick move to go away right now. You talked with a god and made a deal with it, we are caught in the middle of a war against an empire that I never even heard about. It best if we stay together especially since….” She goes silent for a few second and then tries to reinforce a smile.

  “Hm Hm.” We turned to face the door and saw that Damien and Alex had returned with as many bags they can carry of assorted items. Alex picked out a something wrapped in warm clothes and tossed it to Amber. “We found a deli that sells meat that we can eat and some vegetables they had in a farmers market.” Amber unwrap the cloth and inside was a ham sandwich in-between two pieces of bread that I felt was warm even if it wasn’t near me. Alex tossed one to me and Damien and put his hand in the bag again. “I have some spread here if anyone wants some.”

“No thanks, I’m not getting near any of your spreads again after the last time.” Damien shifted uncomfortably and started to move a large bag overflowing with cloth, fabric, wool. He was not exactly what you called very strong and one of the guys at the door actually turned around to pick it up for him. “I had it.” He grumbled.

“What’s with the bags filled with random crap. Why are there books with weird ass symbols in this one?” Amber started too looked into a red bag filled with old antiques pulling out more old items.

“Those are mine actually; I had the lads gather some material for a project.” An echoed voice came from behind Alex who immediately moved out of the way for him or it; I can’t really tell Duran’s voice sounds very neutral. The statue person called Duran walked past Alex and grabbed the items Amber picked out. “I would appreciate it if you do not damage these artifacts. Most of them are very old and more importantly very potent, break them and you might risk us being consumed in arcane fire.” Amber nearly dropped the books in her hand and packed them back into the red bag. “I also have some news on that I would like to share with all with all of you. Alone preferably.” Duran turned to the figures behind him with his (just going to give him that moniker to keep things simple) blank expression but neither moved from position. I think one even stuck his tongue at him. He ignored them though and proceeded to tell about his arrangement with his old comrade I guess, from the way he talked about them they sounded like old friends that scorned him. “They agreed to be you’re…. Indentured servants.” There was a second of pause till it seemed to sink in what the term meant.

“Wait who told you we wanted them as slaves, we don’t want any more part of this.” Amber was the first to react and understandably very angrily.

“Why even slaves, what they committed was a war crime right? Spying for the enemy. Shouldn’t they be in some kind of court?” I pause to think of Damien words, maybe Kulen pulled some strings but still it does seem ridicules. What even passed through Duran head that gave him the idea we want them servants, the crazed bastards tried to kill us why would we want them serving tea for us.

“The Kollestian court won’t intervene because they believe this to be human matter. The legion is only keeping them locked up because it was their job to hide magic from humans but recent events have left things up in the air for awhile for them. It’s also an old law, a thousand years old to be exact and the legion deemed them to valuable to kill but have need of the prison so this… was arranged.” He kept himself in some kind of motion as he talked; swaying back and forth, swing his arms, and messing with his sharp fingers. He waddled to the window and stared out into the night sky. “You also have to leave soon.”

“Wait what now?” Damien walked up to him and tried to get on his tiptoe to match the stone Bluto’s 7ft stature. “First you tell us that you are giving us dangerous monster as “servants” now you’re telling us that were about to be booted out of this city for no good reason.” Duran turned and put his blank face a few inches away from Damien’s face. He started to falter on his stance, sinking into own clothes like a turtle retracting its head.

“First little human I’m being evicted as well so don’t aggravate you new traveling companion. Second I’m pretty sure if they're left alone they’ll find a way to get out and knowing them personally, they would have a track you all down for cold blood. Third I want them under constant watch, My Watch and by extension yours so they can’t do anything harmful. I’m not trying to get you killed; I’m here to help just let me do that.” Damien started to settle down after getting calmer.

“So when are they evicting us?” Damien does not know to quit while he is ahead.

“In two weeks if everything goes smoothly but they don’t know where to send all the refugees?”

“Hey, Duran quick pro queue Where are we exactly South America, Asia, Europe,” Alex interjected.

“We are not on earth.” Duran went back to the window and put both hands on the frame of it, leaning intently on it. Then a slow clap was heard as rhythmic as gears of a clock with the sound of a fancy loafer on a wooden floor.

“Aw fan-friggin-tastic, What’s next Amber a goddess, Alex is the king of France, Mira given birth to Satan mixed with Tim curry and Ian McClellan is the father.” Oh god, I think he snapped “It seems everything I think we reached the pinnacle of madness it turns out it grows fifteen feet tall every time we get close to it.”

“If he’s done melting down into a mush of insanity, the world we currently on is called Vanaheim a world inhabited by gods worshiped by the people you call Vikings.” The name rang several bells in my head. When I was younger (and to a smaller extent now) I read a lot of kiddy versions of old myths and remember being in my mother’s old library reading the old stories. I think I remember there are many stories of different cultures saying their other worlds outside of the normal one and I’m on one right now arguing with a statue. Damien is right this is near the pinnacle.    

“Oh, that puts the icing on the cake. This is a home for Norse gods in another plane of existence. Is there anything else you want to drop on us before I say screw it and jump out that window!?” Damien just needs a cuckoo-clock to complete his act. I only knew Damien for less than a week but from what I have seen of him so far he is very quick to jump the gun even on a living statue.    

“I’m going to save that for tomorrow seeing as you are so agitated right now. Tal-no, the warrior in the golden armor will show you three to your rooms.” A shiny figure was standing in the door in heavy armor waiting for them.

“See you tomorrow I guess, Good night Mira,” Alex said dragging Damien by the arm as he was staring down Duran.

“Hope you sleep well, I’m going to sleep like a dead log.” Amber followed them down out of the room and there was no else but me and Duran. Well, this will be a healthy dose of awkward.

“Soooo um, how long have you know them.” I see he’s the one asking questions now.

“Four days, five if you count today.”

“And yet they want to stay by your side trough all this. Don’t squander that loyalty like that is extremely rare for all People, not just humans.” He paused himself abruptly looking down from the window. “You seemed not to be very surprised or confused when I said where we were.”

“I know a little bit of mythology, I know it was the home to some wisdom and fertility gods.”

“Is, you mean to say is.”

“Riiiiight is, sorry still adjusting to the whole gods are a real thing.” He picked out a chair and took a seat right next to the bed.

“You’re not alone on that front, For most of my life, I had believed that the gods of my homeland had a plan for all creatures under the empire. That has been smashed like fine china by the actions of the empire of late. I will not believe this war of extinction was not what they wanted for your kind.” He had his hands buried in his hands as he spoke but his voice retained its strange unnaturally calm sound, guess it kept it demeanor even when its owner falters instance. “But you don’t want to just to listen to my problems of faith; we need to discuss some things in the morning I will be here taking guard for tonight.”

“Uhh not to ungrateful but why do you need to watch me as I sleep?” He pulled his head from his hands and shifted uncomfortably for a little bit.

“I rather not take chances that there are any deserters on this side of the war especially with all the rumors I’ve been hearing.”

“What rumors?”

“There are talks about some groups that think it would be better for the humans to be wiped out and others that believe that can make deal with Shinnu-yah to be allies. There have been sightings of anti-human groups circling the places they set up refugees. Gods know what they plan to do with them.”

“So every magical creature hates humanity, great just great. Guess those myths were based on more fact than I realized. So your people were what staying underground, another dimension all this time and chose the time we have weapons that wipe out cities to attack.”

“He he he that’s the council, in a nutshell, they won’t deal with something till they believe it poses a threat of wiping else out or if it ruffles the puffy coats of the Augers. I couldn’t tell you the reason why we never interacted with your kind but to be frank we did know about you in a vague sense. We have myths about ancient humans being easily mystified by our ancestors, tricked into giving valuable items or resources. When I was undercover I found the only closet thing was a place called Atlantis or something to that same structure.”

“Wait you guys are Atlantians, Damien right there is just too much of this shit to deal with.” He turned his head in an inquisitive manner towards the end of my words.

“Why would anyone deal with excrement, this is a serious manner Mira and you might be the only thing that stands between your friends and death. If I know my countrymen they won’t stop till every land that could challenge them is no longer exists and trust me when I say they could succeed in this.” Duran everybody a ray of sunshine for any occasion available for parties and stand ups for all kinds. I think Duran might exaggerate a bit here and there, I mean it’s not like they actually think they can take over the world. Besides, if I in another world even if I can’t stay in Kollesta maybe it would be better to go with other refugees.  “You don’t have to plan everything out now and you need your rest. Just go to bed and I’ll see you in the morning.” I am pretty tired, some rest isn’t going to kill me but I have reserves for having a statue look over me while I sleep.

“Fine ill go to sleep.” I pull the sheets over to my neck and close my eyes read too slowly to fall to sleep. “So I’m going to take a guess that you don’t need to sleep, eat or drink right.”

“Wanted to add something else to the “shit that I have to deal with” list?”

“Just wanted to sure you’re not some guys in a suit waiting?” He got up from the chair.

“Waiting for what?”

“Well for aaaaaa, to aaaaaa to, you know with the birds and the bees.” He crossed his arms while lying against a corner of the room.

“Do human thought always go towards sex, I thought it was only the male of the gender that do that.”

“Shut up and let me go to bed.” I actually got some sleep this time around; guess maybe Duran staying guard comes with some security. Anyway, it was a strange dream, to say the least, me going to my old school in with everyone fawning over me. I was wearing the most beautiful dress made from rare silk and heel that made a foot taller, I don’t even like this crap but everyone want was screaming where she got that dress and those shoes. Every girl wishing they could be me or trying to find a single flaw while trying to apply to achieve the beauty I had with no makeup with dumping it into their very eye sockets. every guy going slacked gnaw or swooning over me. I got to my first class and when I sat down everyone wanted was asking to their heart content how I was so beautiful and smart but then the teacher came in. I never had this kind of dream before, I usually just have a dream that I’m at my old home in Chicago. Hardy har har I’m boring in that way all right.  

“Hello students, Mrs. Munoz had to stay home since her home fell on her during the conflict on the east coast.” The teacher was exactly like one of those guys that me and my friends at our throats. He or she (like Duran it had a gender neutral voice like a Macintosh) was wearing a frumpy old styled suit like on pictures of the great depression that seemed to fit it like a second skin if it had skin, to begin with. It had a hood that was inscribed with different symbol wrapping around the head with its only feature blank blue eyes glowing brighter than the rest of the body. In Its hands there were strange items; in one there was what looked like a golden cylinder with both ends with three throngs crafted to be dragons of Asian origin. The other hand had what looked like a strange staff with a curved edge made out of red metal while the rest looked ivory bathed in transparent metal that was given away with its sheen. “She tried to carry out her baby out of her burning home but was pinned under a support beam and only ending up crushing the life out of it as she was by the beam. My, how life likes to play out, isn’t that right Ms. Atherton. One minute you thought you were safe but then wham you get backhanded by something you shouldn’t interfere with or should I say Zelnam. Betrayer of the pantheon and renowned rabble rouser, I know who you really are. You think I wouldn’t kill a human whelp to get to you, you primordial coward.” The frumpy suit became a metal suit and the genderless being of light became like that dragon guy that had Alex at sword point with horns pointed up like a bull, straight forward with tremendous girth but when I looked at the newly appeared breastplate and noticed two things that were not there before.

“You’re a she.” She (I guess should be saying) was wearing the armor of the love child of a Greek soldier and a Mongol with the plumage helmet somehow accompanying the horns and greaves on her clawed feet but the shoulder pads, breastplate, gauntlets seemed to have been ripped off a medieval Asian warrior maybe a samurai. To top it off though there was a flag pole coming off her back, kind of ridiculous but yet bad-ass in the yeah I know you see it but it just a warning before I rip out your freaking throat and eat it in front of your comrades. The classroom started to twisted and malformed itself into a lost circle of hell, the circle of endless high school extra satanic edition. The classmates who were fawning me were now being contorted into a horrible monster, one boy sitting right next to me was turned into a crazed werewolf with his jaw and right arm fallen off. A girl on the other side began decaying and her flesh slowly fell off as her bones became more and more visible. A shorter boy behind on was falling apart like pottery with bright light coming out of the holes in his falling skin as he screamed in pain.

“You act the fool Zelnam? You don’t recognize your fellow god, Fornet. The patron of glory won in war and expansion of the empire.” She looked like a dragon had sex with an Amazon. She was taller than Duran whose freaking 7ft tall. Her head looked like it like it was a part of her helmet and her armor while looking like it was a part of her skin. Her eyes looked like that of cobra steadily her cowering prey. Most of the people in the room who were contorted are now lying on the floor twisted beyond repair all screaming in unison in pain for some to put them out of their misery. The girl with the decaying flesh grabbed my leg looking dead at me with her sunken in eyes slowly rotting into her skull. Not pretty.    

“I’m not him; I’m Mira I don’t even know who you are. Please, I didn’t do anything to deserve this.” The room started to change, dissolving into a particle of light going upwards into a starry night sky. The people around me were then highlighted by pillars of light and ghostly images of what they came out of them dissolving into the beautiful cosmos above my then I saw that I was on a spiraling tower above the earth.

“I knew it; this is his home the tower of Azira, the home of that bastard. You’re nothing more than one of his tricks.” A swirling mass of light came in between as she drew the staff to strike me slowly compacting into a humanoid figure.  

“And you’re nothing more than the brat of my bloodthirsty brother who’s only brought out of his waste of a realm to be one to take the blame when something’s goes wrong. Oh and your still milking what little savagery is still left in the Draconic’s.” He was not in the last form I saw him in he was if strip the flesh of a human and a there was just light in the shape of a person. He stood in front of the dragon Amazon thing and her spear which fun fact was burning with green fire that had the faces of people screaming inside it, so yah glad I’m not in front of that.

“You still kicking around you the excuse of divine blood. How is your pet project doing oh that’s right, there being slowly killed off by everything that has the sense to rid themselves of these parasites? And what is she suppose to be, leader of your human cult, toke a page out of the perverse Olympians and it’s your half-blood child or is it your incubator for them? You never help anyone unless you get something out of it. Call the pantheon conquest what you like we are continuing the reason exists, to spread stability if the world wants it or not. You once believed that you help us build it from scratch.”

“And you are pulling it to the ground and destroying what was going to be a promising society. You and the rest of the pantheon are destroying millennia of my work and are going to cause a war where no one will come out alive.” She was trying to circle around him to reach me but he raised his hand and she was push back by a small explosion. “You can’t stand against a primordial being, no matter how much of your own grandeur you believe. Be gone from my lands unless you want to face the full extent of my ability’s.”

“The pantheon will not stop its plans, it will bring give Albadon the golden age it deserves with or without your help.” The demented goddess turned into fiery smoke that had endless screaming coming out of it swirling towards a hole in the sky.

“So how was the dream I had sent to you.” I started to pinch my nose. Is he serious about this?

“Well, I don't think like a girl from the fifty's for one." He turned to face the earth and he seemed to change? I don't know how to explain it but he seemed to be to be multiple people at once fade ding into one another.

"Well, the last mortal I talked to was a time when Rome had just absorbed Greece then just blank for...?" He started to trail off and I start to try and guess how long ago that would be.

"Wait, when Rome absorbed Greece? Those are ancient civilizations. Just How old are you?" He turned to face me with the kind of look that I would associate with the look you would give someone for being unbelievably stupid.

"I thought that the Natum would tell you what I am at this point or you would be as intuitive as that friend of yours.”

“Wait what’s a Natum?”

“The stone one you call Duran and more importantly I’m one of his gods.”

“Whoa I’ve been forced to swallow a lot of things in the last two day but you being a god is something I’m going to lie down and believe.” His eyes swirling place began to glow bright purple and he began exerting a certain pressure like how you feel when being dropped by rollercoaster or any other state of freefall. He then began dissolving into a dark blue smoke that enveloped me within second in a small typhoon.

“YOU DEINE ME, THE ONE WHO STOP YOUR SOUL FROM GOING INTO THE ABYSS, THE ONE WITH ONLY WAY TO FIND WHAT LITTLE FAMILLY YOU HAVE!” The Typhoons wind was very powerful, nearly lifted me up into the air and forcing my eyes to close shut. “I, WHO STOP MY OWN PANTHEON FROM ENSLAVING YOUR RACE IN ITS INFANCY. I, WHO GAVE MAGIC TO MAN, HOW DARE YOU BRING DOUBT TO MY DIVINITY.” As the winds rushed all around me getting more intense by the minute I remember the first thing he shouted.

“You know where my mom is, tell me now or I won’t agree to your deal.”The winds only got more intense, my guess is that he didn’t like that retort.

“YOU DARE SPIT IN THE FACE OF MY GENEROUS OFFER; YOU NEED ME GIRL MORE THAN I NEED YOU. MY PANTHEON WILL HUNT DOWN ALL THOSE ASSOCIATED WITH ME WILLING OR NONE. YOU WANT TO LIVE, YOU WILL HAVE NEED OF MY POWER WHETHER I FULLY GIVE YOU IT OR NOT.” Strangely though the winds start to get calmer and the smoke gathered away from me. I open my eyes and see that he became a glowing woman, oooh kay. Let the madness proceed “But I am gracious you will keep my gift and to answer your question.” We seemed to move without moving. Now hang on I’ll explain. The setting around us was shifting like a power point slide. I wipe my eyes to help them recover from the wind barrage they took but when I manage to open them up again I saw a familiar sight.

“Bar the windows and put those desks in front of the main the door!” Here was a perplexing sight, a large group locking themselves into a library.

“Huh, this is both hysterical and demented to see.” I saw that I was in that translucent form again and was further shown with how the people saw right through me. Zelnam was still a woman but still had that shifting image appearance again but with the hard image of a woman this time around. We were in the middle of the old library in Celestine, wait if I’m here.

“Get behind me.”  A woman with red-rimmed glass, black business attire, hoop earrings and stilettos came in front of every else with an iron staff.  The staff was very ornate with a large red crystal at the top end of it growing brighter and brighter. Mom? Why is my mom holding a staff and telling everyone to get behind her?

“Ahhh one of Hecate’s brood. You are lucky to have her as a parent. Oh yes, this will make a good first lesson.”

“Wait what lesson, help them you demented bastard.” He turned his toward me and gave me the same “you’re such an imbecile” look.

“One I don’t have a gender; the arcane is a force that does not ask for species or gender or status in life, it merely asks for your nurture to blossom it. If I intervene my pantheon will know where I am and I don’t believe that I can defeat them all. You must also learn to use that gift I gave you, A gift wasted is worse than a gift used for ill.” He started to look around the library while phasing trough the scared crowd. “Tell me, why I can’t hear the sound of the spirits singing of dance and shamans but now of regret? What is…?” He stopped in front of a bookshelf labeled American history and he picked out a book in the middle of the shelf and stared at the cover of it. The cover had a picture of a group of Native American being slaughtered by American soldiers. “Sometimes you humans make it hard to praise your nature when damning evidence like this is in the fold.” He just stared at it and it began to burst into purple flame. “I want you to go to that group and raise your hand towards the barred door.”

“Why?” he turned to me again but… he had a glare that was so intense his female body burned around his eyes slowly peeling away to reveal the skeleton of light again burning this time around with more of that purple flame.

“You’re questioning me?”

“Nope I’m just going to stand over by this group but please put that fire away please didn’t you say something about them finding a minute ago.” I tried to keep my composure but the look of his eyes had seemed empty save for two dots of purple light. I obliged as the scary demon stared me down with precision and I passed through all the people body’s to get to the door. I’m kind of used to the cold feeling I get when I walk through someone which scared me more than the fact I had such a gift.

“Get away from the barricade. The monsters are breaking through.”

“They got Charlie!” I was standing right next to mom who didn’t even seem to notice me. Zelnam had come closer, still stripped of his flesh and burning on top a bookcase. The mass of people was in a small pit that was for story time for the kindergarten kids filled with cowering adults and some small children. It looked like we were in the main hall since I saw the main desk and that the door that was barricaded was the main entrance. The entrance was blocked with several of the books shelves.

“I want you to focus, take a breath and calm yourself, clear your mind of nothing but the door. Focus on the energy you feel around you.” I take a breath and try to calm myself as I hear a pounding on the door getting louder and louder as the crowd tries to huddle for safety but I felt something more when I had only thoughts on the problem on hand. I felt strings around me being pulled in different directions by her very breath a lot them gather near my mother and Zelnam. “Good, you see the string of arcane power. Now constrict them to cause tension. Clench your fist and think of wool being crushed in your fist. Don’t release until I say so.” I oblige and try to imagination such a thing. I felt energy gather at my clenching fist and heat building within it; I couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of glee as the energy gathered around my fist. “Now wait till you see the silver of their coats.”

“Wait silver coats?”

“ARRRROOOOOOWWW!” The door began to break down further and further and the howling became more intense.

“Looks like the lands demand recompense for what has been committed on these grounds. It’s the only reason they’re around.”

“Who are they?” He ignored me and kept his eye on the door and my hand started to burn with … what was it? he said. Arcane power!  Whatever it was it felt like a grenade that was ready to burst at my command.

“THEY’RE THROUGH.”The bookcases that were blocking the door were blown apart as horrible monsters were now revealed.

“WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?” The monsters the people were running from looked like a mutated coyote on steroids. They walked on their hind legs and had exposed patches of skin where its bones are visible.

“ Wendigo, this continent's equivalent of the werewolf. They are created when a tribesman eats one of his own where there is a lot of magic of a negative persuasion. Don’t worry they burn like dried sticks. Now repeat what I say. Ku sai!” He pointed to the middle of the wendigos coming right toward my mother with his ribcage exposed rib.

“Ku sai!” An orb of purple energy went out of my hand and tore the monster to pieces. My mom had a look of confusion as the wendigos started to inch away from their fallen pack member. She looked around her trying to find the translucent source of the magic.

“The hell? You all told me none of you knew magic.” The crowd looked to my mother with horror. “Alright take this. Throw it into the air and say wocha and go through it, I’ll hold them off.” A man with something metallic in his hand was rushing to the front of the rest of them. He had short hair and a beard that went to his ear. He was wearing a cop uniform with what I now saw was a pistol in his hand.

“I’m not leaving you here alone against those monsters, I swore to serve and protect the people and you know what going on. They will need you more than a cop who doesn’t what kind of shit is currently hitting the fan.” My mom seemed to pause a moment and looked at the monster who seemed to regained their instincts and were belly crawling to their prey.

“Your son is on the other side of that portal and those bullets won’t do any to them. Just go Ramon.” The man took a look at the monster and seemed to relent.

“Fine, give me the crystal and I promise to try to get people to rescue you later.” My mother started to laugh.

“Trust me, Ramon, if they cared to interfere we would be ass-deep in globins trying to rounded how much money to extort out of you.” He gave confused look and held out his hand and my mom tossed a symmetrical stone engraved in pentagrams.

“Come on you heard the woman go to the far end and stay away from the windows.” Everyone started to go the other way of the windigos.

“You can’t do anything to help them?”

“Unless you want to draw her attention again, no. but I’ll give your mother my blessing for the time being and watch her movements from afar. I’ll tell you if anything”

“Can’t I help her in some way or at least talk to her?” He looked at my mother for a bit and nodded.

“Instead of causing tension to the strings now mold into a wall. It will probably drain you dry but it will give you a minute to speak to your mother. Oh yeah if you pass out I'll send your soul pack to your body again. Hope their healers are good.”

“Tal vina!” I ignored his warning and refocus the string clenched in my hand forming a strong fence around the monsters. A barricade of see trough pillars surrounded them reaching up to the ceiling as I felt weak around my legs and I caught myself before I hit the ground. I saw my mother raise her staff and energy gather around the top tip of it. It glowed dark blue like a starry sky.

“Ridan, reveal yourself you … Mira!” She stared at me as I clenched my side in pain, the spell she used ripped through me like if the pins and needles feeling was replaced with a chainsaw kind of feeling. “Mira! Why is your spirit here, how did you do that. No just tell where are you, I’ll find a way to get there as soon as I can, you hear me, sweetie.” My mother was over my spirit with near tears in her eyes for me. I try to put my hand on her shoulder but it just went through her as did she attempts to hug and hold me.

“Creeeerrrakkk.” A crackling of sounded of teeth breaking against stone was audible behind mom. The barrier I set in place was falling apart as the monsters clawed their way out of it.

“Gods of ages, dear the spell nearly killed you. You must get back to your body or your spirit will fade.”

“*cough* Mom I’m at Kollesta, I can get people to get you or run over to those people you gave that stone, just get out of there, please. Theirs these monsters called Shinnu-yah coming this way; just make a way out or something like you always does.” She looked towards the crumbling barrier, stood firm and slammed her staff on the ground where a ring of fire began writing runes around her.

“Windogos don’t spread like this if I don’t do anything it will go out from this city to the others like a virus. I get there sweetie and trust me, I eluded magical disasters for most of my life. Just stay safe Mira you know that I love you.” She raised her hand and I tried to pick myself up put it opposite to hers. “To sono.” A light was surrounding me and I saw that from my bottom half that I was disappearing.

“No please you’ll die here.” She just stood there with a smirk on her face as the barrier complete broke and her ring of fire shot ball after ball of fire at the wendigos.

“Have more faith in your mother; just stay safe so I can get to you soon. I promise.” Dad also promised that as he choked on smog, please don’t die. I felt the familiar sense of drowning as my vision was blackened and the power I felt faded away to nothing. I was an adrift ounce more in an abyss of darkness.

“Mira!Mira!” Duran?