#ive been sick for almost two weeks

[akrophobic]

heart racing

[deoidesign]

I can't wait for this to come back!!! >>> when is this coming back?

[katbrando]

i need to make a kofi post… i hate asking for help and money but ya girl is struggling

[szczylpierdolony]

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[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

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[peppermoss]

-

[zelzelez]

Sleep cycle seems fucked, but actually only if you count for free days. Every morning I wake up at 6 and don't know what the fuck to do with myself. I'm sick! And it's Sunday anyway! Now I'm just stuck here with my brain all active again, thinking thinking thinking. I'm too tired to do anything against it, and honestly, I still lack coping mechanisms for overthinking. Maybe if I wasn't such a lost noodle I could stitch/mend torn clothes? Maybe I could write for my bachelor's thesis? Maybe I could puzzle, or paint, read poems?

I'm too fucked by now tho. I feel lonely inside so I go online. I am too tired and too lazy and too hopeless, so everything seems pointless anyway, so scrolling is the easiest. My brain is on an endless scrolling-trip, with or without the phone, so why not take the phone.

God damn if the phone addiction hasn't become the worst of all ... But this stupid life so easily sets you up for it, too.

[southernvampire]

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[mandiemegatron]

Jesus christ the world is so evil

Just found out my coworker was murdered by his cousin at a family BBQ on Sunday...

This kid was 16, was training to be a life guard... he had his whole life ahead of him like what the fuck man .

I'm so sorry kiddo... you were such a good kid

[locallibrarylover]

im tired of being sick im going crazyyyyyyyy

[queenlucythevaliant]

clean your sword

i. Peter had thought many times about dying for his brother, killing for his sisters, as all oldest children do.

ii. He'd imagined it a hundred times: how if his mother and father were ever killed, he'd get some low-skill job and make sure Lucy's clothes still fit her as she grew. How he'd make fists and fight dirty if Susan was ever threatened. What he'd do if Edmund ever had to flee the country on a dark, windswept night.

iii. Yet when he heard Susan's horn that day, he still froze. Only for an instant, he thought, "this can't be my job, right?"

iv. The blood on his sword shone red when it was all over. When he wiped it on the grass, the stain it left was almost black.

v. They'd put Susan in his arms when he was two years old. Peter didn't remember it, but he knew he'd been waiting for her till then. He wasn't a real person until he was a brother.

vi. And when they walked back to the pavilion, Rhindon bumping Peter's hip, all he could say to his sisters was, "I'm sorry I didn't come faster."

vii. The High King was almost obsessive in the way he cared for Rhindon. When he grew older and required weapons larger than those made for a child, he obsessed over them too.

viii. He told the others, in no uncertain terms, that if it ever came to it in battle, they were to leave him and live. As their brother and high king, he commanded it.

ix. The first time Edmund risked himself for Peter's sake, Peter didn't speak to him for a week.

x. He was oiling his sword when Edmund found him. "See, the thing is, Peter, being brothers goes both ways. If you can love me enough to die for me, than I get to love you just the same."

xi. Peter agreed with him then, to avoid the argument. He was sick of not talking to his brother. Yet privately, he knew that Edmund was wrong. That sacrifice was Peter's special prerogative, as the first-born.

xii. Back in England, his mother noticed that Peter had become more fastidious. She didn't notice that his protective streak has grown - and maybe it hadn't, really.

xiii. It was uncanny, how Peter would always show up just when his siblings needed him. He'd round a corner, and there was Lucy stamping her feet and scowling at a bully. There was Susan, crying, and now his knuckles were bloody.

xiv. He cleaned the blood off in the sink so carefully. The water ran red for a second, and it almost seemed black.

xv. When Caspian asked for the High King's advice, looking so very young, Peter jerked his chin towards the sword a Caspian's hip. "Be ready to use that," he said. "Keep it clean, and close."

xvi. Susan forgot Narnia and she forgot Aslan. Yet selfishly, Peter still hoped that she would never forget how quickly he came when she called.

[adverbally]

Think of the Tender Things

Written for the @steddieangstyaugust prompt “‘Keep breathing, please.’” | wc: 773 | rated: T | cw: hospital, premature baby | tags: adoption, new parent anxiety, hopeful ending | title from “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds

———

The NICU has its own window, far enough from the regular nursery to seem intentional. It makes sense to Eddie, theoretically speaking— keep the preemies and the sick babies away from the healthy ones so the comparison isn’t so startling. It just doesn’t work that well if they have to walk past the full-term nursery anyway.

They pause to observe the fat, happy newborns who will be going home in the next day or two. They’re all chubby cheeks and chunky limbs, round little tummies swaddled tightly with matching caps on their heads, just like the parenting books advertise.

Steve’s hand squeezes his, and Eddie knows he’s feeling the same thing: that’s how it should’ve been, and all of the guilt and fear and bitterness that goes along with that line of thinking.

They keep walking down the hall until they reach the door indicating the special care nursery. The glass there is smaller, since fewer babies fit in a room when they’re surrounded with incubators and ventilators and monitors galore.

The second bassinet from the right has a card with a stork that says “Baby Boy Munson” and wow, that’s going to take some time to get used to. Eddie gets closer, almost pressing his nose against the glass, to get a better look.

“He’s so small,” Steve says beside him. “I figured he would be, but…”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. It says right there on the little card: three pounds, thirteen ounces. Sixteen inches long. Not the smallest baby there but noticeably smaller than the ones they just walked past. “A lot of hair, too.”

“Yeah.”

They’re quiet after that. There’s not much they can comment on before they have to acknowledge the fact that they’ve just become adoptive parents a full two months ahead of schedule.

Their son (holy shit) seems even smaller with the tubes and wires obscuring him. Eddie identifies an oxygen cannula, a feeding tube, chest leads, an IV, and a blood pressure cuff, plus a few other lines he doesn’t know the purpose of. When you factor in a diaper that seems to dwarf half of his tiny body, there’s barely any skin visible. And from what Eddie understands, they’re lucky that more serious care isn’t necessary.

“Thirty-two weeks. That’s not… it could be worse,” Steve said after they got the call from the adoption agency that morning. The whole drive to the hospital, he rambled about lung maturity and the suck/swallow reflex and birth weight, going into one of Eddie’s ears and out the other as he tried to focus on the road.

Steve was the one who read all the books. Even the parts about premature births and what could go wrong throughout the pregnancy. “I’d just rather know and be prepared,” he explained. “Just to cover our bases.”

Eddie had skipped those chapters. It felt like bad luck, like tempting fate or something, as if avoiding it would prevent anything from happening. In retrospect, he wishes he had more of a clue about what’s going on, what their future will look like.

Any future seems far away when the present is so uncertain. Eddie watches his son squirm, with his too-long limbs and his too-big head, and he watches his chest rise and fall with each breath. His tiny lungs are working and he’s moving and none of his machines are beeping, and that has to be enough for now.

Just keep breathing, please, he thinks desperately. Keep growing and getting stronger and we’ll worry about the rest later.

When Steve breaks the silence, his voice is small. “Do you think we can hold him? Or, or touch him, at least?”

Eddie doesn’t want to. He knows it’s just his anxiety talking, but he’s terrified that he’ll pull some essential line or do something wrong. He was supposed to have another two months to prepare for this. How do people prepare for this?

“Ed, are you okay?” Steve’s voice startles him back into awareness.

“Yeah, just…” He pauses to think about how to say it without alarming Steve. He settles on, “I’m scared.”

Steve throws his arms around Eddie’s neck and pulls him into a tight hug. “I’m scared, too,” he confesses in a whisper. “I think we’re gonna keep being scared for the next eighteen years, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do it.”

Eddie tucks his nose just under Steve’s ear and breathes him in, sweet shampoo and hints of spicy cologne in the collar of his jacket. They stay like that for long moments before Eddie sighs and pulls away with a decisive nod. “Okay. Let’s go meet our son.”

[throwawayhero]

could you give more hcs or a drabble about bakugou with a crush on reader!! pls i feel like ur fics are the closest ive seen to canon... i need more

No problem, and thanks! I try to make them seem canon, but sometimes it's difficult T-T. Just realising now that a few of these sound stalker-y and I'm sorta regretting writing this but oh well. I hope this is satisfactory!! c/w; social media au, buzzfeed, eminem (idek), karaoke, not proof read

!Katsuki who unintentionally catches himself playing with his hair while talking to you. Not in an obvious way (that's what he thinks at least), but more so absentmindedly fiddling with his side burns and such. It's kinda funny when he accidentally curls them and leaves them like that for a while. He also has a habit of playing with his baby hairs on the back of his neck.

!Katsuki who "accidentally" managed to copy your handwriting style down stroke for stroke? He doesn't really know how it happened, to be honest. He just noticed it one day during a group project after Jirou pointed it out to the two of you. You found it funny, but he found it outrageous and claimed that you had been the one to copy his handwriting.

!Katsuki who allowed you to tag along on one of Kirishima's and his study sessions. He beat the shit out of Eijirou and was gentle with you, more or less. He wouldn't hit you of course, but he certainly wasn't scared to yell. At least the first time. The look you gave him made him writhe with guilt, so he shut the fuck up out of embarrassment.

!Katsuki who heard you talking about a band you loved and decided it was his god given right to go through their whole discography and criticise it in his own time. But turns out, you have good taste, so he keeps to himself about it. "Accidentally" bought a spare ticket to their next concert and offered the spot to you. No big deal, right?

!Katsuki who did extensive searching for your socials, scrolling through his friends friends following, mutuals, and genuinely just word of mouth. When he did find your accounts, he stalked the SHIT out of them. When you requested to follow him, he freaked out and accepted straight away. He didn't follow you back until a week later, "just to be safe".

!Katsuki who unironically took one of those "Do I have a crush on my friend?" quizzes when he started to feel things towards you. 100% went down a rabbit hole on buzzfeed. He wanted to call his "crush" ANYTHING other than what it was. Mentioned it to Kirishima once and was left even ore confused than what he had originally been.

Unrelated but he just looks like he would listen to Eminem. Probably gets a good chuckle out of the whole "You gonna cancel me, yeah? Gen Z me brah?!" thing. Don't ask me to explain why I think this, it just makes sense.

!Katsuki who more often than not is watching you out of the corner of his eye. Not in an overly-creepy way, he's just "aware of his surroundings". He says that to anyone that mentions it, which is literally just his paranoia.

!Katsuki who secretly loved the fact that you hung out with him and his friends almost daily. Because then he wouldn't have to initiate hangouts and look as desperate as he really was. It gave him a plausible excuse to absorb every single opinion you uttered. It gave him an excuse to get even closer to you.

!Katsuki who freaked the FUCK out when everyone (besides the two of you) got sick and couldn't do the bi-weekly hangout everyone had played a part in organising. The group had settled on doing karaoke, so you can imagine how it went down with just the two of you there. Although, the two of you did make an amazing duet. (No one was really sick, Mina just mentioned Katsuki's behaviour and put 2 and 2 together. She also wanted to see if he would take initiative for once.)

!Katsuki who went out of his way to make changes to his hero costume that he knew you would like. Small details here and there, for both style and practicality. While it was cold he would use the neck warmer to hide the smirk that creeped onto his face when he saw you checking out his new look. He also started to make himself look nicer in general, indulging in a bit of jewellery (stud earrings, a ring or two, and a silver necklace), nicer shoes, wearing the uniform properly and such.

!Katsuki who has your number pinned in his contacts, as well as giving you your own message & ring tone sound. He has everyone but you, Kirishima, and his parents on silenced. He also has your contact saved as a nickname he assigned you without you knowing with a heart emoji. It's simple, but endearing.

[writingoddess1125]

HI I LOVE UR EVERYTHING AND PAPA BUGGY WAS SO CUTE AND IF YOU CAN DO ONE WHERE HE HAS BABY FEVER PLEASE 🙏🙏 I'M ON MY KNEES 🙏🙏 (I love ur work it's so cute and sad, funny)

Lucky Winner to get Part 2!!

Fever pt. 2

Buggy x Femreader + Buggy Twins

Also PSA everyone Wrap it before you tap it!

Support me on Ko-Fi ☕️

Check out the rest of the Old Men series

"YOURE PREGNANT!!"

Buggy shouted in total joy, Jumping around the room as his body looked almost like an accordion at his odd movements- you sitting there in total shock.

You'd expected that the twins would be your first and last, not that you would accidently get pregnant again especially by the same idiot who had done it by accident the first time.

Your hands went over your face as the reality of 9 months of this set in- For Fuck sakes... You could t help but giggle and hug Buggy there in the doctors office, Both happy and in total shock by this all.

After this things moved all too quickly it seemed. Of course you two told the boys who had been both excited and apprehensive- Like most kids worried the new baby would replace them or take the father they just gained from them, which had to be explained wasn't the case and you and Buggy created a gameplan to help the biys adjust. Then came the crew, who decided to have a 3 day celebration and get absolutely shit faced- Buggy included.

Why you were indeed happy, incredibly happy infant you knew what was about to come. HORRIBLE PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS! WONDERFUL-

Your first trimester was filled with morning sickness, Poor Buggy being as kind as possible as he helped clean you up and find foods that wouldn't make you puke your guts out. The twins even doing their part to find nice teas and things that smelled nice for you to also not throw up.

During this time Buggy bought so much stuff- Most likely boosting the economy of the village single handedly as he had the nursery built in the cabin and on the ship, You and the boys having a fun few weeks decorating both areas.

By your second trimester the hormones kicked in horribly, that and cramps. However that's when something magical happened as well-

Buggy and you were laying on the bed, both of you quite exhausted. Buggy was tired from dealing with the twins all day while you were tired from the baby and fatigue that was hitting you like a fleet. Since the start of your second trimester when your baby bump had become far more noticable Buggy always has his hand somewhere on your stomach rubbing the growing bump.

"I need to find a better way of tiring them out..." Buggy grumbled, You nodding in agreement leaned against the man and truthfully you both without single damns. Buggy in some pink boxers while you leaned against his naked chest in a large shirt rolled up over your stomach and underwear.

"They are still worried- Maybe take them out sailing or something? I'm sure they would enjoy tha- Oof!" You yelp as a sudden jolt hit you, clearly aimed right under Buggys palm which make both of you jump in surprise.

"What the hell was that?" He questioned as he pulled his palm away from you quickly and looked at your stomach. You shifting and rubbing the exposed skin smiling at him.

"They kicked, ive been feeling 'em move but not kick yet. Here I'm sure they will give you another little kick" You say calmly. Buggy sitting infront of you quickly and placing his palms back on your skin, You shifting his palms to the perfect spot before another jolt ran through you and Buggy giggled like a child at this.

"Thats so weird feeling!"

His eyes sparkled at this as he sat infront of you rubbing your stomach and feeling his child move under his palm and occasionally kick. It was a truly precious moment for the both of you.

As for the final trimester... Pregnancy was never too kind to anyone- Especially you. It wasn't with the twins and it sure wasn't now-

Leaned against the counter you glared hard at Buggy- 60 damn days you're ass! Try 8 fucking months trapped in this God forsaken cabin with your mentally unstable partner, two 12 year old boys and your bladder being utterly destroyed by little feet.

Oh and of course- THE GOD DAMN CREW THAY DECIDED THAT THEY WANTED TO STAY WITH THEIR FEARLESS CAPTIAN TILL THE 'VACATION' WAS OVER!

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Buggy questioned feeling the heat of your glare on his skin.

"I-..." You wanted to start Biting his head off but truthfully he had done nothing, you figured you were just emotional to the max at this point and the cramping didn't help.

"...I'm in pain-" You admit with a sigh, Buggy setting down his drink and walking to you calmly as he looked you over like he could spot your pain.

"Your stomach looks different" He said calmly, You shooting him a warning look.

"No shit it looks-" Buggy shook his head to stop you, "No its lower I mean, I think it's best we call the doctor" He said calmly, A shot of embrassment going through you at this point. Buggy truly had been giving it his all and learned from the doctor. With a chick trip from the Doctor and Midwife they confirmed you were in labor and got you set up to give birth in the cabin, The twins being taken to the Big Top with Cabaji while they waited for their siblings arrival.

"How are you feeling?" Buggy asked, Gently rubbing your back as you smiled.

"Not to bad actually- I'm glad you're here with me.." You say softly as another contraction shot through you.

At first it was fine- You'd been through this before. So it should be shorter and less painful this time around- Yeah No. You went from fine to screaming in pain very very quickly. Buggy sitting next to you trying to comfort you and get you through it- However the last thing you wanted was him there..

Which landed Buggy outside the house awkwardly, his crew also seated on different patches of grass as they flinched at every cry and scream that echoed out from the house and into the silent garden outside. You had kicked out Buggy 20 minutes ago, clearly just in too much pain to handle him at the moment and the doctor recommending him to try to return in 30 minutes. Which he did.

Truthfully he handled it like a champ once back in, holding your hand despite feeling like you were crushing it into dust and wiping the sweat and tears from your eyes. After a seven exhausting painful hours a shrill cry cut through the air as you slacked onto the bed. The doctor happily placing a little girl on your chest, now tears of joy running down your cheeks.

The doctors starting to clean her up as you admired her, looking to Buggy who was also crying.

You held the little girl in your arms, seeing her pink little face she had your facial features and (Y/H/C) hair like you but a bright rounded cherry nose/cheeks and ocean blue eyes. She was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. You saw Buggy stare in only awe as he felt tears hit his cheeks and he smiled.

"Shes.. shes.."

Your hand reached forward, Buggy thinking it was to caress his cheek or something gentle but instead you grabbed his neck in a iron grip- He squeaking in surprise as you pull him close.

"Buggy- This is the last... do you understand? Cause if the words 'I want another child' come from your lips ever again I am going to cut your dick off and throw it into the deepest part of the ocean. Do. You. Understand. Me" You said in the softest and kindest voice Buggy had ever heard, fear going through his system as he could tell you were dead serious.. maybe it was the lack of oxygen going to his brain or still the euphoria of the moment but he swore he saw literal hell flame in yours eyes.

"Clear- Crystal Clear" He wheezed, you releasing him so he could scoop up his daughter. He genuinely looked giddy at this point as he cuddled her close to his chest, you saw the anxiety just below the surface of his face as he stared at his daughter more her nose-

"Shes beautiful" You say softly staring at her from Buggy's arms.

"I won't let her go through what I did- I want her to feel special and perfect" He admitted, your eyes softening at his vulnerability as he kissed his daughters cheek.

"Im sure they will kn- Oof!- Fuck" You hissed in pain and flinched. The doctor peaked under the blanket quickly and called over the midwife who did a quick check. You wincing in pain as Buggy stared at you panicking and holding the now fussing newborn.

"(Y/N)?!" He said softly as another groan of pain left you. The midwife and doctor conversing quickly before beginning to prepare once again.

"It seems you're still in labor- Looks like another baby" He said proudly, Your eyes widening as you look at Buggy like you were prepared to kill him. The clowns face as white as snow making his face paint look dark at the realization of 2 sets of twins kicked in.

"Holy shit-"

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!" You yelled as Buggy kept his daughter and rushed out quickly to show off his daughter and avoid your wrath of damning you to another set of twins.

Eventually he would return with your guys daughter and sat through another broken hand created by your labor. That night another little girl was brought in this world, the little girls being 8 hours apart and identical to her sister.

It was later decided after you had properly been cleaned up and not ready to murder Buggy their names. Buggy coming up with the names Ali and Ari respectively for his daughters.

Tag List-

@alastorhazbin @yuriwk

[imwetforyourmom]

heading for the door pt2

pt1

summary: what happens after the breakup?

warnings: mentions of cheating, mentions of lack of eating, crying, swearing, fem!reader, ive never been in a club so mb if its poorly described, meantions of drinking and alcohol, help yall idk what else

sorry this took so longg

~

y/n held her knees to her chest as she sat on her bed. she was only staring at the wall infront of her. the creamish popcorn wall. nothing special about it, nothing special going on.

the only special thing she could think about was matt, even though she knew she shouldn’t. she was only tearing herself down more and more.

the thoughs of matt holding her, mumbling hush words to her with a sweet and caring tone of voice, the memories of them going on picnic dates together and laughing and giggling the entire time came flooding back to her, just as her tears did, overflowing from her eyes.

the realization of her actions and what had happened only sunk in after matt left, and that was almost a week ago.

she’d been in bed all week, no motivation to get up, shower, get dressed, nothing. she couldnt bring herself to move herself to do important things, such as eating, the last she’d eaten was almost two days ago.

but as of right now she couldnt focus on the gurgling and rumbling of her tummy, the way her body ached, the constant pounding in her head, the overwhelming thoughts, no. all she could think about was how she’d never feel matts touch, hear his voice, see his clothes lying around, as much as she hated picking all of it up, now she’d absolutely kill to be able to do it again.

but no. everything, absolutely everything was gone. and there was nothing she could do about it, except wait until something happened, just hope that maybe she’d find the motivation to move her sore and aching body off the bed, take a nice and warm shower, brush her teeth and take care of herself, eat a delicious and big meal.

she hated how she felt, how she couldn’t even look at a bracelet on her dresser, a bracelet her and matt had made to celebrate their two year anniversary. their two years of loving one another, two years of giving as much attention and affection as possible, spending two years of their lives together.

all of that was gone. she couldnt relive any of it, she couldnt bring it back somehow, she couldnt do anything except accept that she ruined everything, she ruined the love they had for eachother, the life they built together.

“am I not good enough for you?” the words rung through y/ns head, being all she could hear. the words she never wished to come out of her matt. the words she absolutely hated since he spoke them. she hated the way they made her feel. she hated how she felt sick to her stomach when the words processed through y/ns head.

knowing that he felt as if he wasnt enough and was basically worthless to y/n absolutely destroyed her. knowing matt was everything, everything. he was everything to her. without him she didnt feel like herself, and now that he was gone and gone for most likely forever she’d always feel this way.

she couldn’t feel complete, a part of her would be missing for forever and she’d never feel comfortable with herself. never feel normal. never feel the same joy she felt when she was with matt.

god, she built her entire life around matt, relying on him for her everything, her happiness, her grounding, her safety and comfort. she was so used to being with him, that everything she saw or heard reminded her of him, and what did that do? nothing. it only made her feel worse.

• • •

“come on y/nnn, you havent left your bed in a weekk, just come out, and you’ll feel better.” the text read, y/n stared for a moment, thinking all the thoughts of what would happen if she went out.

what if she saw matt? it wouldnt matter. they’ve broken up anyways.

what if another man reminds her of him and she breaks down and sobs? highly doubt that would happen, matts one in a million.

what if she gets black out drunk and calls matt? she hopes she does, maybe they’ll get back together.

y/ns thumbs moved across her keyboard quickly, pressing the letters and forming a sentence.

reading it over and over again, y/n made sure this is what she wanted and what she wanted only, not basing it off of anything to do with matt.

“yeah ill come out. pick me up at 9.” she pressed send and clicked her phone off.

she took in a breath, moving her legs to the side of the bed, pushing them to the edge and onto the floor.

the harsh cold wood on y/ns feet(sies) reminding her this was reality and not some stupid dream she’d made up.

• • •

y/n quickly thanked the uber before stepping foot out of the car, immediately being greeted with a very enthusiastic “hiii!!” by ryleigh, her voice high pitched as she wrapped her arms around y/n.

y/ns arms wrapped around ryleighs body, saying a quick “hi” aswell, maybe a small smile at her lips. she still felt disgusted with herself, with what she did to matt. she’d never be able to feel the way she did before she’d done what she did to matt.

hell, she couldnt even utter the words of what she’d done. the words brought her great pain, a nauseous feeling to her stomach and tears to her eyes.

“are you readyy?” ryleigh asked, her voice just as comforting and encouraging as y/n needed it to be.

ryleigh pulled away from the hug, her grin ultimately comforting y/n and reminding her she was in a safe space with ryleigh.

“yess! by the way, love the dress babe, you look beautiful!” y/n answered, her lips curving into a grin, matching ryleighs.

“thankss. lets go inside.” ryleigh pulled y/n by the hand, pulling her inside the club.

as soon as the door opened loud ass music, neon lights and chattering engulfed y/ns senses. the lights really getting to her, they were just.. so much brighter than inside her bedroom.

ryliegh, on the other hand was enjoying it all. the sweaty bodies she and y/n moving against others as they walked to the bar. everything going on was just what ryleigh needed.

“hello ladies, what can I get ya?” the bartender offered a warm smile towards the two. his voice sending shivers down rylieghs spine. it was a husk, and deep voice, ultimately pulling ryliegh in.

“uh- um.. I- ill take a majito.. um.. y/n? what do you want?” ryleighs shaky and flustered voice turned to y/ns direction.

“I dont want anything. thank you though, ryleigh.” y/n answered. as easy as it would be to consume alcohol and drown out all her thoughts with matt, she knew it wasnt right. she shouldnt because she needs to live the reality of what she did, and also, because drinking alcohol like that is not a good idea, whatsoever.

“alrighty, then. thats all.. mister..?” ryleigh trailed off as she turned back around to face the bar tender, leaning her forearms onto the counter.

• • •

y/n left ryleigh and the bartender. they were just flirting and shit. she didnt want to be the third wheel. wheres the fun in that?

y/n was currently enjoying her night, atleast trying too. as much fun as someone who just ruined their relationship could.

she lightly swayed with the music, her hips moving side to side gently with the music.

she lightly hummed the words of the song, suddenly being so consumed by the beautiful sounds of the singers voice and the background music.

then, everything stopped. her body movements came to a halt. the music suddenly going quiet. her breathing stopping and her heart rate quickening, as her eyes laid on matt.

she immediately bit her lip and took in sharp breaths. her arms twisting together as she stared at him, her eyes darting down his face and body.

the way his silky and shiny brunette hair fell perfectly ontop of his head. the way his green shirt looked so, so good on him. the color perfecting his skin.

god, everything she wanted in a person, yet she couldnt have, but once did.

matt stared at the crowd of bodies infront of him, all moving under bright lights. his eyes trained on each and every individual, his eyes scanning the way each body curved and didnt curve, the features of their faces and their clothing. studying each person for no other reason than being bored.

his eyes were currently laid on one girl, his eyes trained on her hips moving, not even bothering to glance up at her face, nothing.

he could only think about how familiar the movements looked, how perfect she moved her hips.. but more importantly how it looked so familiar like he’d seen it plenty times before.

suddenly, her bodys movements stopped. his eyebrows raised in confusion, wandering why the girl had stopped. he moved his eyes from her hips to her face.

he didnt even have to look for another second to know that is his girl- that was his girl. once was, never (at least, what a part of him wants) again.

he quickly took in how she took in sharp and small breaths, her arms twisting together in the same way she always used to, when she was nervous, he quickly recognized.

fuck.

suddenly his eyes began filling with tears as his lungs slowly deflated with no air. he couldnt find it in himself to take in a breath, without atleast letting out a small sob.

as much as it pained him to look at the girl he only wished was still his, he couldnt bring himself to look away.

he missed the way her arms felt around him, the way her words always got to him, comforted, brought happiness, anything he wanted her words always seemed to do it. the way her beautiful eyes stared into his, the beautiful color of her irises bringing such comfort, warmth and nervousness over him at any given moment with no failure.

as much as what she did with koda absolutley kills him, he still loves her, he still hopes she was in his bed with him everymorning, he still wishes she was the one to always hold him as long as he needed it.

all he wanted was her, and he knew he could have her back, but he knew she didnt deserve him.

y/n stood in her spot, her feet planted to the ground as she took in her shaky breaths, so badly wanting to walk over to matt and talk to him, she just wasnt sure if she was ready or if he didnt want to talk to her. why would he? she basically cheated on him.

her eyes couldnt help but to stay on the boy, until he motioned for her to come to him.

she nodded, before looking away then untwisting her arms and flailing them to her sides, shaking her hands for a moment to get the nerves out and to prepare herself.

she brought one foot infront of the other, walking to matt in a quick motion.

“hi.” matt breathed, seeing y/n standing infront of him. seeing the girl he wanted so badly stand infront of him.

“hi.” she spoke, taking in a breath before quickly saying “alright, listen. I am so fucking sorry for what I did matt. I would absolutely do anything for you. I’d- I would do anything matt. words cannot describe how drained ive been without you, I havent felt the same, I don’t- nevermind. this isnt about me, this is about you and what I did.” she took in another breath, collecting herself before starting again.

“alright. what I did was absolutely unacceptable and absolutely disgusting of me. you were my boyfriend and I should not have done what I did with koda. its absolutely sickening and- and, wrong. no man could ever amount to you, you’re everything and all of everything ive ever wanted. koda is- is not the one to blame here. its me. but I need you to understand that I still love you and if I could I would treat you so so much better than what I did before. i am, truly, so sorry matt, and i do hope we could date again- or atleast be friends.” she finished. exhaling a large breath, feeling a huge amount of weight being lifted off her shoulders.

matts eyes stared down in awe at her. all of her words went straight to his heart. he’d completely forgiven her the moment she opened her mouth and admitted what she did was wrong.

his hands slowly came up to her face, his hand cupping her cheek and pulling her face into his, pressing their lips together in a passionate and sweet kiss. nothing sexual behind it.

y/n crumbled into the kiss and closed her eyes, until matt pulled away and pulled her into him. wrapping his arms around her body as he hugged her. he muttered words into her head, “I forgive you, I forgive you.” he repeated, his hand coming to the back of her head as he pulled her into even more of a warm hug.

2308 words

tags:

@luverboychris @chrissturniolosfavoritesexdoll @meg-sturniolo @junnniiieee07 @mels22lunchbox @ssilentzom @haunted-headset @scofposts @jupitersturniolos @mutualsafe @evieolo

[verstappentime]

haven't shared anything new in a bit so here's the start of a maxiel bit where max was actually just hormonal in hungary and that's why he was cranky.

(tw: there's like a brief description of max puking here, apologies.)

max has to tell medical, because he’s afraid if something is really wrong, he might bleed out or something.

the medic says he’s fine, presses all over his abdomen and checks for tenderness and all that. they suggest he go to a real doctor, and tell him deciding to race was really stupid. he snaps something about how he knows that, thanks.

he’e still shaking when he walks back, has been since GP told him he crashed hard enough to alert medical.

he can’t pay attention to the debrief, can only think about the little app on his phone telling him the baby is the size of a tadpole or whatever. he thinks it would make him feel better to look at it, to remember how much cushioning they have in there, but he hasn’t got his phone back yet.

they keep asking him questions; he just nods or shakes his head, all of that simmering anger from before gone as fast as it came. just fucking hormones again, probably.

he has to leave the debrief to go throw up. he’s almost too late realizing the anxiety has turned into real illness.

he nearly knocks his chair over, pressing a hand to his chest like he can stem the burning as he fumbles to get out of the room. it always starts with a roll of nausea, then acid reflux, then. yeah.

he’s managed to go the whole day, the whole race, thank god, without this happening. he probably should have appreciated it more while he could, because he’s currently regurgitating all the water he had after the race and cold sweating and he might as well die here.

he’s embarrassed enough by the whole fucking day, by how mad he got at GP, at how the things he said must have cut hannah. and now he’s– now this is happening, and someone is probably going to come look for him, because he made it obvious what was happening. or, worse, tell daniel to look for him, and then he’ll have to make up some dumb story and get caught, because he’s an awful liar.

there’s a knock on the door. “max.” it’s brad, not daniel. at least he’s won something.

he coughs, chest heaving. the worst of it may be over. “present,” he says, voice scratchy. his throat is starting to get raw after the past week of what he is really trying not to let himself call morning sickness, because he’s in denial, which is fine as long as he’s self-aware about it, and also because it’s not just the morning, just whatever fucking time his body decides it will be.

“can i open the door? i have gatorade for you.”

“yeah, go ahead.” he really doesn’t want anyone to see him sitting on the fucking bathroom floor, but his head is throbbing now, and he’s really not trying to make anything worse.

brad doesn’t look phased, at least. he crouches down and hands max an orange gatorade. he’s got two more tucked under his arm. “you look rough, man.”

max a tiny sip. he’s glad it’s something with sugar. water tastes fucking awful the past few days. “thanks,” he mumbles.

“you looked bad yesterday, too,” brad says, conversational.

he knows he did. he was nauseous and moody and exhausted. he yelled at GP about the fucking rain. “thank you for the concern.”

brad rolls his eyes and points to the gatorade, “drink the rest of that. how dehydrated do you feel?”

“i’ll drink it.” max rubs his forehead. he doesn’t want an IV or anything. they made him do that last time he was sick after a race. he takes a long sip; it actually tastes alright. “see? i’m drinking it.”

brad gives him a look, like i’m watching you. “going to tell me what’s going on?”

max closes his eyes, letting the back of his head thunk against the wall. he doesn’t know why he can’t be one of those people with no symptoms. he hasn’t told anyone, didn’t want to until he made it through this weekend. he wanted to tell victoria first, cry down the phone and let her tell him what to do. fuck.

“what does it look like?” it doesn’t even sound mean. he’s too tired to make it mean, and his voice cracks, even though he really, really didn’t want it to. “could you just– can you get daniel, actually?”