#ive been thinking about that interview for 3 days straight

[fuckyeahdindjarin]

IV ║ Contingent

Dieter Bravo x f!reader

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Rating: E (18+ only)

Summary: Dieter fucks up, so you put your foot down.

Warnings: Angst (!), fighting, jealousy, possessiveness, drinking, drug use (never done any so apologies for inaccurate descriptions), swearing, dirty talk, fingering, oral sex (f and m receiving), soft Dieter persists 🥺, yearning, I'm really into his rings (sorry), no use of Y/N

Word count: 6500-ish

'I'm mad at you,' you say, almost relieved to be honest with him.

He turns and presses a wet kiss to your left palm. 'Good. Me too. Make me pay for my sins.'

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Saturday, 3:35 am

This is good shit, Dieter thinks to himself, nose wrinkling from the hit.

He might have said it aloud. He's not entirely sure. There's no one else in the cabin so there are no witnesses.

He takes a gulp of champagne straight from the bottle. It's almost empty, but it's ok, he's halfway to Park City.

No matter how much he drinks though, he can still taste you on his tongue.

Agitated, he picks up his phone. He suddenly realises that he doesn't have your number, or Instagram, or anything.

Fuck. He needs to think about something else.

So he takes a selfie with his bottle of champagne.

He double checks there's no powder on his nose and uploads the story.

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3:41 am

You’ve been drinking copiously since you got to the bar. Tequila. Vodka. Sambuca. Jager. You think it's helping you forget.

But then.

You see Dieter swigging his whiskey across the bar as you dance with the makeup girls.

You feel his hand skimming your waist as Pete shepherds you to the bar for a top up.

You feel the ghost of his beard on your face when Pete pulls you close, swaying to the music.

You need to throw up. You stumble outside into the cold morning, pulling your hair back as your stomach empties itself on the curb.

You cough, throat burning. Your argument with Dieter rings in your ears. He doesn’t know - of course he doesn’t - why you reacted the way you did.

Because he doesn’t know you.

You just want to see his face.

It's a miracle you haven't lost your phone yet considering your state of sobriety (or rather, lack thereof). As you hold it up to unlock it, you see the smear of you still on the screen and your breath catches in your throat at the memory.

You clumsily type his name into Google - more like Diwtwe Beavo - and you find his Instagram profile.

You didn't even realise he was on social media. You greedily click on the glowing pink ring around his profile picture, a low-res selfie of him.

Story uploaded 6m ago.

He's on his private jet, sunglasses on, holding up a bottle of expensive-looking champagne. His hair is as disheveled as your fingers left it hours ago, those lips that whispered filthy words and left burning trails on your skin pouting at the camera.

You put your thumb against the screen so the story never ends.

Not bothering to retrieve your jacket, you order an Uber to go back to your hotel before you start bawling on the curb.

Dieter is still high when he steps off the plane in Utah. It’s cold but it’s ok, he’s got his cocaine jacket on.

He’s high when he checks in to his hotel. The penthouse is nice, but cocaine is nicer.

He’s high at makeup. He snorts a line when they’re waiting for his hair spray to dry.

He’s high at wardrobe. His dresser disapprovingly dusts the white powder off his trousers.

He’s high at the press interviews. It’s easier to answer inane questions about cliffs and beasts and Tiktok dances with cocaine in his system.

On his way back to his hotel room to change for the red carpet, it dawns on him out of nowhere that if you upped and left today, he wouldn't know how or where to find you.

He reaches for more cocaine.

It's Saturday afternoon and you can barely open your eyes with the day-old mascara and dried tears literally gluing your eyelids together.

You reach out blindly for your phone which lies next to you on the bed. You ignore the texts from the makeup girls and Pete on the lockscreen, and you hate the fact that once you unlock the phone, it's Dieter Bravo's Instagram staring back at you - exactly where you left off last night when you finally passed out.

Your finger hovers over the 'Follow' button. No. You won't be caught dead following him. Not that he'll notice with his 2 million followers.

Your phone dies before you can do anything rash. You plug the charger in, then drag yourself out of bed and into the shower.

Dieter’s high on the red carpet. He’s so keyed up he doesn’t even blink at the furious camera flashes behind his sunglasses.

He has a little pick-me-up in between the screening and the live Q&A. For once, he's glad he doesn't have top billing and thus doesn't field any more than a couple of bullshit questions, which he bluffs his way through.

He’s still buzzed when he gets on the car to be chauffeured to the after-party.

He turns to his left and stares at the empty seat next to him.

He’s high when a pretty girl approaches him in the party chalet, two of her equally pretty friends in tow. He entertains their requests for selfies, then offers them some cocaine. They retreat to an empty bedroom.

He gets even more high when the three of them lie on their backs on the king sized bed, tidy white lines nestled between perfect, bouncy tits in lacy push-up bras. Because why the fuck not. He snorts all three one after the other.

He’s high as fuck when the two blondes start giving him head. Too fucking high to see the brunette filming on her phone.

He wishes he was high right now, back on the private jet 24 hours after he landed in Utah, trip cut short, on his way back to LA for a crisis meeting with the studio.

His agent is on his jet with him. Not his regular agent, his OG agent who discovered him twenty two years ago. She officially retired five years ago, but she's still chairman of the agency she founded.

The studio called her directly while he was still partying, the girls having wasted no time in sending the compromising video to TMZ for an undisclosed sum. Rebecca showed up in a white mink coat, her hair and makeup perfect at 4:22am, and practically dragged him out of the chalet by his ear.

‘You’re lucky I was skiing in Utah instead of the Dolomites this year, darling,’ she tuts. ‘We have 6 hours till the story drops.’

Dieter stares out of the window. It’s an ungodly hour - it’s Sunday, he thinks. He hasn’t slept a wink since he got up for work on Friday morning, the cocaine having supplanted his need for rest. For now.

His espresso sits undisturbed by his fingers, drumming restlessly against the table.

He wishes he has your number. Get to you before the news breaks. Explain. Grovel. Beg. Anything.

‘So, who is this time?’

Dieter blinks. ‘What?’

Rebecca puffs on her cigarette, her blue eyes perceptive as always. ‘Every time something like this happens, it's because of a girl.’

He grunts and slumps lower in his chair sullenly. ‘No one.’

She grins, red lipstick and white teeth. ‘Ah, she had the good sense to turn you down, then.'

‘Shut up, mum.’

She laughs.

The thing with Rebecca is that she's good, and never better in a crisis.

The studio bosses were not happy, especially as they've been forced to cancel their Sunday morning golf appointments. But somehow, an hour-long meeting later, they have been convinced that this scandal is actually quite on-brand for the movie. The PR team is confident there's even a chance that it can be spun as a publicity stunt.

The only instruction Dieter has been given is to shut up and keep his head down for the next week or so. They don't trust him to handle anything more, and with the amount of latent drugs passing through his system right now, they're not wrong.

He sighs dramatically once they get back into the car, one hand cradling his temple as Rebecca closes the door behind her. He glances at his watch. There are still 2 hours till the video drops.

'Shall we have some lunch?' asks Rebecca airily, as if she didn't just avert what could have been a career-threatening disaster.

'Not hungry,' he grumbles. Then he clears his throat, and amps up the nonchalance to ask, 'Do you happen to know where the film crew stays at?'

Rebecca squints at her phone, peering at the screen from above the top of her reading glasses. 'In several hotels around town.'

He tries harder. 'Do you have the names of the hotels, at least?'

She doesn't look up. 'You know what darling, I can tell you specifically which one if only you tell me who it is you're looking for.'

He pouts. 'Sneaky shrew.'

She pats his knee affectionately. 'Then you’ll just have to drive around to all nine hotels around town, darling. You better be quick about it too if you want to catch her before the news breaks.'

He glares at her and sinks in his chair in defeat. 'I hate you.'

'I love you too, darling.'

The stupid hangover finally works itself out of your system after lunch on Sunday. You really should accept that you're far too old to be drinking that much anymore. It's pathetic that it's taken 36 hours to recover from a night out.

There's a limo parked out front of your hotel when you pull up in your shitty little second-hand Ford. Strange, but you don't give it much thought. It's LA after all. You've just made a supplies run for some toiletries and a much needed coffee. You plan on going for a jog around the neighbourhood afterwards to make up for lazing in bed all day yesterday.

You're so preoccupied with trying to remember if you've washed your favourite Lululemon sports bra that the sight of him doesn't register until you're right outside your door.

You both spot each other at the same time, and neither of you move. You only remember to breathe when your lungs start protesting for air.

Dieter looks tired, you think to yourself. He's in the same coat that he was wearing when you last saw him, and you can smell stale cigarettes and spilled liquor on him. His sunglasses are clipped to the front of his crumpled shirt. If he tells you he hasn't slept for days, you would believe him.

You break the silence first. 'You look like shit.'

Dieter smirks, but takes your dig without affront. 'Trust me, sweetheart, I feel even worse.'

You cross your arms defensively. 'Why are you here? I thought you were away until Tuesday.'

'I missed you.'

Despite how you left things, it would be so easy to just lean in to him. But you can't. You deadpan, 'Bullshit.'

He clears his throat - no pazaz or fanfare. 'I had emergency business with the studio.'

You really should send him away, but your curiosity gets the better of you. 'Ok, but why are you here? How did you know I'm staying here?'

Dieter runs a hand through his curls. You begrudge him for the fact that he still looks this good when he's a wreck.

He gives you an offhanded shrug. 'I didn't. Drove to nine different hotels. Must have knocked on fifty doors.'

You frown. 'Why?'

He reaches for you, but you duck out of the way, keeping a safe distance between you two. You need it.

Dieter's voice drops, and you have to strain to hear him. 'Sweetheart - listen. I, uh, I fucked up. At Sundance.'

'What are you talking about?'

The buzzing of your phone temporarily distracts you. Then it buzzes again. And again. And again. Relentlessly.

You’re about to look down at the screen but Dieter's voice stops you. 'Wait, sweetheart, before you look at that - I'm sorry.'

His eyes hold yours beseechingly and dread grips your stomach. You key in your passcode and tap on the link has been sent to the group chat by the makeup and costumes girls.

BRAVO, DIETER! OSCAR-WINNING ACTOR FILMED ENJOYING THE COMPANY OF TWO HOTTIES AT SUNDANCE

Scrolling down, a heavily censored video shows the backs of two blonde heads bobbing up and down in an unmistakable motion, while Dieter leans back against an armchair, the same sunglasses firmly on.

Suddenly, there is no air.

You don't feel the paper cup slip out of your hand and hit the floor, latte staining the green carpet. Dieter might have called your name, but you don't hear him.

The video is still on loop, and you stare at it unseeingly.

'When was this?' you ask shakily. You sound weak. You resent yourself for it.

'Last night,' he replies quietly. 'At the after-party.'

You swallow, but your throat remains dry. Your eyes are even drier, so much so they sting. Dieter murmurs your name, quietly, like he doesn't want to startle you, and takes one tentative step towards you.

'Don't,' you say through gritted teeth, your knuckles white. 'Do not.'

He clasps his hands together, brows drawn, the lines on his face set in remorse. 'I'm sorry, sweetheart. I was off my face all fucking day. I don't know how I didn't OD. I started on the cocaine after we fought in the car -'

You sneer, eyes flashing in anger. 'Oh, so it's my fault you got high and got caught on camera getting blown by the sorority sisters?'

Dieter wrings his hands in frustration. 'No! It's not your fault. This is all on me. I fucked up. I'm just trying to explain -'

'Just go, Bravo, I have nothing to say to you.' Your stomach starts rolling again, and you can't look at him any more. You turn to the door, your key card in your hand.

He catches your elbow. 'Please, sweetheart, I'm sorry I'm such an asshole -'

'Why? Why should you be sorry?' you snap at him, whirling around to glare at him. 'Just because we fucked once in the back of your car doesn't mean you owe me anything! I don't care who you fuck or don't fuck!'

Dieter lets the ringing silence linger between you two for a long moment.

You don't expect him to smile at you. It's a wry twist of his lips, and he says almost fondly. 'You little liar.'

The term of endearment throws you off guard. You had the momentum just now, you can't let him turn the tables on you. Anger is your best defence.

'And you're a manwhore,' you spit in his face.

He takes two steps forward. You stubbornly stand your ground, probably to your detriment as he envelopes you with his presence. His voice softens as he traps you with his dark eyes. 'Does it help if I didn’t enjoy it at all, sweetheart?'

The ice under your skin thaws just a bit under his pleading gaze. Get it together, woman.

You scroll a bit further down on your phone for ammunition, which you find in a blurry screencap of the two girls, their busts almost falling out of their too small bras. You hold up the screen to him and smile back sarcastically. 'I don't believe you.'

'Sweetheart, I couldn't even get it up for them,' he confesses, craning his face towards you, soft eyes searching for yours. 'I'd rather look at you all day if you let me.'

'You can't flatter me into submission, Bravo,' you snort. But on the inside, you can't help wanting to believe him.

'Submission?' he frowns at you, perplexed. 'You think I'd want that?'

You lift your chin. 'I wouldn't know.'

Dieter tilts his head to one side, his voice dropping an octave. 'Yes, you do. You know it fucking turns me on when you fight me. You know what that smart mouth does to me.'

You manage to remain motionless when he brings up the back of his index finger to trace the outline of your mouth, but you can't help the crack in your demeanour when you feel the cold kiss of his ring on your lower lip.

This is why you're so careful, you have to be fucking careful. You always get burned, always -

'Ahem.'

Someone breaks the spell, and both your faces swivel towards the voice.

Dieter loses his shit. 'Jesus fucking Christ could you read the damned room for once, Pete!'

Pete stands there with your jacket that you left at the bar. You realise that must be the reason he keeps calling - you have not picked up at all.

His eyes dart between the two of you suspiciously. 'Is there something going on that I should know about?'

You and Dieter speak at the same time.

'No.'

'Yes.'

'Shut up,' you hiss at Dieter.

'Little liar,' he repeats again, in a whisper, so that only you can hear. The intimacy of the words gives you goosebumps.

Pete crosses his arms and prompts you. 'Babe?'

You sigh. If there’s one person who doesn't deserve being lied to, it’s Pete. He's been nothing but sweet to you.

Clearing your throat, you try to meet his gaze as you force the words out. 'It happened... once. Only once.'

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Dieter roll his. Ok, technically it both was and was not once. But you have no desire to open that particular can of worms right now.

Pete seems to take your admittance in stride. 'Ok. When did that happen?'

Oh god, you're going to sound like such an ass, but there's no other way to rip the bandaid off. You try not to wince as you reply, 'On Friday night.'

Pete stares at you for a beat. 'Friday night? On my birthday?' You can see the cogs in his head turning. 'So when you were on the phone with me...'

You cringe and rub the back of your neck awkwardly. 'I'm so sorry, Pete.'

What happens next takes you aback, to say the least.

Pete holds up his free hand to you. 'Babe, no way. Dieter Bravo? You absolute legend!'

He waits three seconds, and when you don't take him on his high five, he points at Dieter instead. 'Sorry man, I don't mean to objectify you, but damn.'

Dieter is a pretty self-assured man. You've never seen him anything but cocksure, but he obviously does not know what to make of the situation. He's staring at Pete as if he's sprouted an extra head. That would've been far less weird than whatever this is.

You're not proud of it, but you have to get the fuck out of there. Without warning and in quick succession, you grab your jacket from Pete, swipe the keycard, dash through the door and slam it shut behind you. Your heart races with your back plastered to the surface. You wouldn't be surprised if they could hear your pulse through the door.

Through the flimsy wood, you hear the awkward shuffling of feet, until Pete’s hopeful voice asks, 'You wanna grab a drink?'

You hear Dieter huff, then a disgruntled answer. 'Fine. One drink.'

As their footsteps fade, you let out the breath you’ve been holding in, and head straight for the mini bar. You're going to need far more than one drink.

Five whiskeys later, Dieter's still at the hotel bar with Pete.

He's pretty sure the cocaine's out of his system now. That's ok, he's drunk instead, so he won't be crashing just yet.

He keeps tossing the drinks back so he doesn't have to think about the way your face crumpled when you watched the video. Or how you pushed him away when he reached for you. How you rebuffed his attempts to apologise.

As you should. He deserves no quarter from you.

And yet - you’re angry at him. Anger is good, anger means you’re hurt. In his drug-addled state, he had wanted to hurt you for the sake of it, positively exulted at the prospect of it. Once the high had worn off though, that was another story. But in a roundabout way, he now knows for sure that he’s not alone in this quagmire.

He suddenly slaps a hand on Pete's back and declares, 'You're a decent guy, Peter.'

His beer spills everywhere from the jolt, but he still grins. 'Thanks. You too, man.'

Always so fucking amiable. Dieter tries to hate him for it, but truth to be told, he doesn't even dislike this joker. Maybe he should accept defeat. He knows for a fact that Pete would be better for you.

The ice clinks in his glass as Dieter waves a commanding finger in the younger man’s face. 'You treat her well, you hear me? If you hurt her, I'll kick your damned ass and you'll never work again.'

Pete holds his hand up for Dieter to stop talking. ‘Whoa, whoa - wait a sec, you know we're not dating, right?’ He pauses to sip his beer. ‘To be honest with you, I think she has commitment issues.’

Dieter jumps to your defence on reflex. ‘Shut up Pete, YOU have commitment issues.' At Pete's hands raised in surrender, he pipes down and mumbles into his whiskey, 'Sorry.'

Pete smiles knowingly, but doesn't offer any comment. Instead, he hops off the bar stool, tripping as he goes. 'I really should go, I'm an hour late for a drink with friends.' He holds out his hand. 'Do this another time?

'Fuck off, Pete,' Dieter grumbles, but shakes it.

Pete laughs and claps him on the shoulder. 'See you, Bravo.'

Dieter stares into his whiskey. He should probably go back to his hotel and sleep it off. Make it up to you when he's clear-headed.

But since when does Dieter Bravo do what he should?

He drains his glass, puts way too much change on the bar for his check, and heads straight to the elevator back to your floor.

You lie prostrate on your bed. It feels like groundhog day. You're in the exact same position as you were yesterday, the only difference being you are now freshly drunk instead of hungover.

You hold your phone above your face. You're still staring at that video, unsure what you're trying to get out of it, other than pure self-flagellation.

There are many things you'd like to say to Dieter Bravo. Hurtful things. But you can't, because this is nothing. You made sure of it when you threw his invitation in his face and stormed out of his car.

Did that really happen less than 48 hours ago?

You thought you were being smart. You thought you preempted. You never learn.

Why did he have to come to you? Why did he tell you that he drove to nine different hotels to find you? It would be so much easier to find out about the incident on the internet, cry yourself to sleep, go to work, and pretend nothing has ever happened.

But no. He shows up with his soulful brown eyes. Tells you he didn't enjoy it, couldn't get it up for them. Calls out your bald-faced lie that you don't give a fuck.

Of course you fucking care. In your drunken, pitiful stupor you give yourself permission to admit that you do. It fucking hurts. You've never been good at no-strings anything. More fool you.

And the worst part? Your pathetic little brain is still trying to find a way, any way, to have him for the rest of your time on set. After that, you promise yourself, you don’t have to see him again.

You try the idea out aloud.

'I have rules,' you say sternly to your imaginary Dieter. 'I have ground rules.'

A hiccup runs through your body. No, hiccupping would not do. You have to be assertive. Hiccupping would ruin any illusion of assertion you try to convey.

You sit up and look at yourself in the mirror above the bed.

'I have ground rules,' you rehearse to yourself. 'I don't care what you do in your private time.'

Your watch your expression break in the mirror.

'Shit,' you curse under your breath, your fingers restless. Sometimes you regret giving up smoking.

Reaching over to the nightstand, you grab the nearest miniature bottle and take the last sip of vodka. You've cleared out the mini bar, the empty bottles lined up on the TV cabinet like sitting ducks. Got to go out and buy more wine before the shops close.

You spend what feels like one long minute trying to put your right foot into your left sneaker. Then you hiccup again.

You give up and jam your feet into the hotel slippers. It's acceptable to go out in slippers after - you grab your phone to look at the time - 17:03. Ok, it's earlier than you thought, but it's still fine.

You push yourself up, grabbing your wallet and key card. There's a shop right on the corner, you'll be back before you know it.

You wrench the door open and face plant straight into a very broad chest.

Hands on your upper arms push you back, and you stare blearily into the face of the man you have been trying to not think about for the past few hours.

'I have rules,' you blurt out in a knee-jerk reaction. 'I have ground rules.'

He looks at you, confused. He opens his mouth to speak, but you hear the door knob of the next room jangle. In your panic, you drag Dieter into your room by the lapel of his coat and slam the door shut by shoving him against it.

You’re leaning on him, your fingers still clenched in the fabric of his coat. You smell whiskey on his breath. You guess you’re not the only one who’s been partaking in a bit of drink.

Gentle hands come up to grasp the back of yours. He asks coaxingly, ‘You have rules?’

You gulp. His hands are so big, you can't see even a peep of your skin under his. ‘I - I do.’

‘Good,’ he answers, his gravelly voice reverberates under your palms. ‘I've been told I need a firm hand.’

Your mouth goes dry, but you manage to croak, 'Why are you here again?'

It's not fair the way you wilt under his gaze. He whispers, 'I know you don’t want to hear it, but I really am sorry, sweetheart.'

You clench your jaw and press your lips together.

Plucking your hands off his chest, Dieter nuzzles your right palm and carefully presses one open-mouthed kiss to the sensitive skin. 'Will you let me make it up to you? Please?'

With no input from your head, your jaw unlocks and your lips part. Fuck. You’re too easy. You both know you’re a goner.

'I'm mad at you,' you say, almost relieved to be honest with him.

He turns and presses a wet kiss to your left palm. 'Good. Me too. Make me pay for my sins.'

Your mouth goes slack. You actually feel your pupils dilating, lust clouding your head.

Dieter spots all the signs, his eyes following every little reaction on your face. 'Tell me how you want me to make it up to you, sweetheart.'

The words stumble out of your lips before your mind catches up. 'Take off your clothes.'

He stares at you like he's never seen you before. His nostrils flare, and the hitch in his breathing only fuels your craving for him.

'Go sit on the bed, sweetheart,' he rasps.

You walk backwards - slowly - as your head is in overdrive, and he follows you, toe to toe. He shrugs off his coat first, which lands in a heap on the carpet. The buttons on his shirt look tiny under his fingers, the disks sliding out one after the other, until it hangs open, exposing tanned skin underneath.

The back of your knees hits the bed and you fall onto your bottom clumsily, bouncing gently on the mattress.

With a roll of his broad shoulders, the shirt eases off. Your eyes run greedily over his bare chest and the triangular tattoos on his arms that you've only glimpsed under pushed up sleeves but never seen in full before.

He toes off his shoes and his socks. You mirror him, kicking off your fluffy white hotel slippers to fold your legs underneath you.

There's a clink when his ringed fingers brush against his belt buckle. You watch him take the belt off, pulling it clean from the loops of his jeans, arm flexing as he drops it casually onto the floor. His fingers hover over the front of his trousers, his lips curving into a cocky smirk.

'How am I doing, sweetheart?'

'Shut up and get on with it, Bravo,' you shoot back, and his smirk only deepens. You shuffle backwards until you're leaning against the headboard, your eyes trained on him.

The button on his jeans pops open, and your stare follows as he tugs the zipper south. Your tongue darts out when you catch sight of his erection straining against the open front of the denim.

He saunters towards the head of the bed, shoving his pants down and stepping out of them on the way. He leaves his boxers on, the tent painfully obvious.

He starts to reach for his rings with his right hand, and before you know it, you've reached out to grab his wrist. You can't believe how husky you sound, even to your own ears. 'Leave the rings on.'

Dieter's eyes are now obsidian and he's breathing through his mouth. 'Yes, ma’am.'

He crawls onto the bed, caging you between his arms as he hovers over you. No part of him is touching you, and you know it's deliberate. You squirm under his gaze, still fully dressed, heat creeping up your neck.

'How about you tell me the rules while I make it up to you, sweetheart?'

Your whole body jerks. You should be embarrassed by how obvious you are, but you're far beyond caring at this point. You make up for it with bossiness. 'What are you waiting for, then?'

Rough fingers slide under your sweater and Dieter anchors you to the mattress with his hips, his erection now pressing against your thigh. He rips the top off you, only for you to yelp when the neck of the sweater catches on your nose.

‘Oh shit,’ he chuckles and gently untangles the fabric from your face. When you're free, he smiles down at you, thumb gentle on your cheek. ‘Sorry, sweetheart.’

This brief moment of levity doesn’t last when he buries his nose right between your breasts, taking a deep inhale.

Your back arches off the bed of its own accord, and Dieter takes the chance to unclasp your bra, throwing it behind him with a flick of his wrist.

'Sweetheart,' he moans, staring unabashedly at your bare front for the first time. Your tits fill his palms as he presses them together, and needy sounds catch in your throat when he squeezes.

His rings bite into yielding flesh. Thumbs roll over the tips of your breasts as he stares down at you in both self-satisfaction and veneration.

Wetness engulfs your right breast as he guides your nipple into his mouth. Against your skin, he asks, 'Don't you have some rules for me, sweetheart?'

You whine, unable to form words, and you feel him smile into your chest.

'Come on, baby, you can do it,' he encourages you, hands sliding down to unzip your jeans. He leans back on his haunches and pulls them off with such force that you slide off and down the pillows. His palms skate over your exposed legs, before hooking his fingers in your panties and easing them off, leaving you completely naked under him.

You grip his shoulders as he reaches down to tug your knees up to his hips, so that you're cradling him between your legs, his erection grinding into you. He scrapes the side of your neck with his teeth before whispering into your ear, 'I promise my mouth would be too busy to talk back.'

'Fuck,' you bite out as he suddenly grasps you by the top of your thighs and hikes you up the bed so that his face is between your splayed legs. You feel his breath fan over your pussy.

Dieter pins you with a heated stare. ‘Ready when you are, sweetheart.’

'This - this stays on set,' you barely manage to stammer in a voice much quieter than your normal tone, hardly a confident start. A gasp is ripped from your lips when he runs his tongue right over your clit. He then circles back and licks you in firm, wet strokes. 'It's - it’s over when filming wraps.'

From between the valley of your thighs, you see his brow crease in a frown and feel his nails dig into your skin. But he goes on suckling on your clit without verbal complaint, and you are quickly a writhing mess under him. Your pussy is getting soppy from his spit and your own arousal.

Dieter suddenly gives you a sharp slap on your backside when you make no indication to carry on speaking. You're almost ashamed at the wanton moan that unleashes.

Taking the cue, you continue breathlessly. 'No feelings allowed. No strings.'

He literally growls into your cunt, and laves at you harder, punishingly. You fingers tangle into his curls and you pull him closer - it feels as good as you remember it.

'No - no sleepovers allowed,' you pant. You feel Dieter's index and middle fingers spreading your folds even wider as he licks between them. He sucks on your clit so exquisitely that your spine arcs in an impossible angle. Your cunt feels so empty though, and your hips shift restlessly, wanting his fingers inside you.

'Is that all?' he slurs against your pussy.

Your final decree is, 'It stays a secret. Nobody can know.'

He makes sure you have eyes on him, and he nods. 'Ok, sweetheart.'

Then pushes his tongue into your entrance.

'Jesus Christ,' you choke out, throwing your head back into the pillows.

He fucks you with his tongue, but it's not enough. 'Dieter, please,' you plead, dragging your nails against his scalp to get his attention until he draws back.

His entire chin is glossy with you, he swipes at it with the back of his hand, and orders, 'I want you to fuck yourself with your fingers while I eat your pretty little pussy. Can you do that for me?'

You nod, and drawing your knee back against your chest, you reach down without hesitation and sink two fingers into yourself, right under his nose.

'That's it, sweetheart, so fucking pretty,' he moans. 'Now keep that up.'

He dives back into your folds, both hands coming up to cup your heaving tits, teasing your nipples. You twist and and turn under him and make increasingly incoherent sounds in your throat, barely having the presence of mind to keep a steady rhythm with your fingers.

'Just a little bit more,' you beg, desperately grinding onto his tongue, chasing that tingling feeling deep inside you. 'I'm almost there, I'm going to, fuck -'

Your whole body seizes up, and when his calloused fingertips graze over your nipples, you cum hard, chanting his name over and over again, shoving your fingers as far up into yourself as you can go.

With a final, gentle kiss, Dieter draws back and hums against your breasts, rubbing his still damp beard into you, painting you with your own scent. Gently, he pulls your fingers out of your pussy, and you groan when he pushes your fingers between your lips, studying you with dark eyes as he makes you lick yourself clean.

You're still recovering when he springs it on you. 'You ready for my rules, sweetheart?'

Your mind is woolen as you splutter. 'Your - your rules?'

Dieter drags himself up your body, until you feel his still clothed and still hard cock rest against your stomach. He smiles at you teasingly. 'You didn't think you'd be the only one calling the shots, did you? Isn't that against the rules of feminism or something?’

You want to avoid his eyes, but he's too close and you don't have anywhere else to look. You huff, too drunk on both alcohol and your orgasm to argue. 'Fine.'

Dieter abruptly pushes his upper torso off the bed to grab at something on the floor, and he re-emerges with his phone in his hands, grunting as if that took great effort. He unlocks his phone and pushes it into your hand.

'First, I want your number,' he announces. 'And I'm allowed to call you anytime I want.'

You can't help it when your lips quirk into a smile, a silly warmth blooming in your chest at his unexpected request. You quip high-handedly, 'You can call me anytime, but I probably won't pick up.'

'We'll see about that,' he retorts smugly.

You sigh loudly, more for show than actual annoyance, and hands him back the phone after punching in your number. You warn him, 'You can't save it under my real name.'

Dieter pretends to think really hard. 'How about I save your number as Pete?' A giggle escapes you, and he grins at the sound, tapping on the keypad. 'Ok then, you're P-E-T-E.'

Tossing his phone to one side, Dieter gently grips your chin between his thumb and index finger. His nose brushes yours sweetly. 'Second rule, I'm allowed to kiss you anytime I want.'

'Ha. We'll see about tha-' you echo his words back at him, but you don't get to the end of your sentence before he presses his lips to yours in a chaste kiss. You breathe out through your nose, eyes fluttering close.

You didn't expect Dieter Bravo to kiss like this.

When he pulls back, his expression is subdued, and his voice loses its playful edge. One large hand grasps yours, his fingers sliding between the gaps. You hold your breath despite yourself.

'The last rule is for me,' he says. 'I'm not gonna fuck around while we're on set. I know I've fucked up, so I understand if you don't believe me.'

You’re painfully, slowly doing the maths in your head. You say out loud, 'So it will be a secret, no-strings, two-month long booty call in which you're not allowed to fuck other people but I am, and we're also not allowed to have feelings for each other.'

Dieter's head bobs side to side as he ponders your analysis, and then he shrugs with a lopsided smile. 'Sounds about right.'

What could possibly go wrong? Every fucking possible dimension of this arrangement. With 100% certainty.

But what the hell.

You arch an eyebrow at him. 'Seal the deal with sex?'

Dieter chuckles and shakes his head. 'Sweetheart, I haven't slept for three days, do you want me to die from a heart attack before we even get started? Besides,' he pauses to give you a hard kiss, his tongue teasing your bottom lip. 'I'm not done atoning yet.'

He rolls over to prop you up on your side. Brushing your hair out of the way, he mouths wet kisses down the back of your neck. You shudder as one strong arm wraps around your waist, and the other hand closes around your breast in a caress.

'Rumour has it that you like my rings,' he murmurs into your ear. If you weren't so turned on you'd have the decency to be ashamed.

He brings up his left hand so you can watch him spin the white gold band around, the black stone set atop the ring now resting on the inside on his index finger.

Your mouth falls open in an O as the cool gemstone draws a path down your front before disappearing between your thighs, and Dieter brushes it teasingly against your clit.

He gives you a filthy grin. 'Let's see if I can get you off on it.'

{ << Part 3: Conjecture | Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Part 5: Confound >> }

Note: 1 month, 4 parts and 18.4k words after I first posted Consent, it is time for me to take a break! I have never written this quickly in my life and ngl I'm a bit tired and can really use this time off 😴

BUT good news is that I've decided to add one more part to the series before wrapping, meaning there will be 2 more chapters to come. I will be drafting the next part (slowly) in the coming weeks, and I plan on sending everyone who reblogs or leaves a comment a sneak preview at some point to keep myself on track. If you would rather not receive the sneak peek, please let me know, otherwise I'll be presumptuous and send it to you lol (sorry) 💁🏻‍♀️

THANK YOU again to everyone who have left a comment or sent me a message or reblogged, it means the world to me that you would take the time to let me know what you think of my writing. If you haven't yet, don't be shy, I would love to hear from you!

Ta for now! I will be replying to comments and reblogs, but will be taking my time and scheduling my posts accordingly, so thank you for your patience. I will hopefully be able to catch up on some reading as well so there will be reblogs of my reading list. See you in a few weeks my lovelies! 💚

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

do you have any theories about the india trip ?? personally, im not sure what to think about it, but i’d love to hear your thoughts !!

(Sorry its taken me so long to answer this - it just got lost in my drafts cause im an idiot lmao 🤦‍♀️)

Im not entirely certain on what I believe happened in India, if in fact anything did happen at all - but more on that later! I guess though that these are the main theories (though if you have any differing opinions/theories, feel free to discuss them!):

1. Paul rejected John’s advancements

2. John wanted to further their relationship, and Paul wanted to maintain the ‘friends with benefits’ situation they already had

3. Nothing significant happened between the two (yet something still changed in John)

I’ll try to discuss which theories I find the most convincing, compelling and substantiated - as well as offering my own opinions and hypothesis’s ^^ (discussion bellow the cut)

1. Paul rejected John’s advancements

The theory I would say im most drawn to - not the theory that im necessarily most convinced by though - is that John made a move on Paul, after a few years of pining for him, and was subsequently rejected. Its a theory that I tend to be compelled by, but I have to admit that its one I struggle to justify entirely. The problem with this theory, for me, is that this is a conclusion ive drawn based mostly off of what their relationship appeared to look like after India. It seems as though something must have happened between them to have ruptured their relationship as profoundly as it did - and because they were on relatively good terms before India*, combined with certain inferences we could draw from comments John made regarding his feelings towards Paul and their relationship, it feels as though it’s possible that he made an advance on Paul, which was rejected and thus caused the ultimate disintegration of the Lennon/McCartney relationship.

(*I mean, their relationship was always complicated and difficult - but it seems that it was okay-ish prior to India, and then just inexplicably plummeted after the trip)

But nobody (as far as im aware) has confirmed, or even really alluded to, this advancement or rejection ever having happened. And the lack of evidence substantiating the claim is a major draw back for me!

However, I do also feel as though nobody’s really come out about anything that happened in India - all ive heard is that they meditated, wrote songs, John and Cyn fought, and Ringo ate baked beans. But like, more must have happened on the trip, surely? Im not saying the absence of information regarding the trip is proof that there was a big “lovers quarrel” between John and Paul, and that everyone involved in that trip is now just sworn to secrecy or something - but like, id just like to see a biographer really investigate the holiday, and try to conclude what events might have occurred during the trip, because as of right now, with the information we have, it seems to have been, bizarrely, both a lacklustre and uneventful, yet still hugely impactful event. If the narrative of the “India trip” were to be shifted in the future in light of new information, the same way the narrative of “Let It Be/Get Back” is being changed, I wouldn’t be surprised!

2. John wanted more, but Paul didn’t

Another popular theory is that John and Paul were engaged in something of a physical affair, but in India John proposed (or perhaps demanded even) that they take their relationship further, and Paul just wasn’t compelled to do so.

Beliefs vary regarding this, based on how far you personally think their relationship went: some might say they only ever did a little drunken experimenting with one another, and that it was just a fun fling until John suggested they take it further. Others might argue that they were in fact in a committed relationship, and John wanted to go public with it - or at the very least, demanded exclusivity between him and Paul.

In entertaining this theory, im most compelled to believe that John and Paul were engaged in occasional “flings”, and perhaps by ‘68 were even acknowledging that there was some deeper and more sincere between them - but ultimately, I don’t think Paul would have ever been inclined to fully commit to John, because I think he always wanted children and a family. In addition to this, though its clear John and Paul were passionate about one another, it isn’t clear how compatible they were in the long term - and with Paul being the more grounded of the too, I suspect he would have recognised this incompatibility, which John (the idealist) might not have.

Though I admit that John could certainly be unrealistic and irrational, im not convinced that he suggested to Paul they go public with their relationship, because I think John still had a fairly strong sense of his place in popular culture, and would have still been able to recognise that if they were to “come out”, it would probably deeply and irreparably damage both their careers - as well as George and Ringo’s too - at least amongst the general public. They’d still have some ardent fans, but their following overall would have become far more niche, and the “beatlemania” would’ve worn off swiftly. Im not sure if either of them would’ve been willing to take that heat in ‘68, especially not Paul, who as I mentioned earlier, I think might have recognised the futility and incompatibility inherent in their relationship.

Then again though, John was always a little “cocky”* when it came to his sexuality - I think if an interviewer were to genuinely have enquired into his sexuality, straight up asking him “Are you bi? Gay?” I get the sense that he would have told us! Sure he’d probably have dressed the response up with a dozen quick quips and jokes, but ultimately, I think he would have given a sincere response. And so, perhaps he did feel he had the confidence, at least in India, to actually “come out”, but if Paul wasn’t willing to make this official with him, perhaps this confidence dissipated.

(*No pun intended you pervs🤦‍♂️)

Another thing to note about India is that they’d have been relatively secluded, as well as off the drugs/drinks for the most part - and this would have forced them to really reflect upon their relationship. Perhaps John saw that he wasn’t contented with Cynthia, and recognised his desire for more from Paul - and so in such a raw state of mind, I can see how he’d become so shattered if Paul were to have rejected him (that statement could relate both to the first and second theory, I feel). Perhaps John made an advance upon Paul whilst they were both sober for the first time, and that changed their relationship somehow? Just thinking out loud here!

But again, this theory overall has the same problem as the first in that, though it appears to make sense, it still lacks proof; it ultimately isn’t a substantiated claim.

3. Nothing happened between J&P, but something changed

This is probably the theory that everybody is least interested in hearing, but I still think its a pretty valid one, albeit the least dramatic (In my opinion though its still a really interesting perspective to explore though!).

Its possible that nothing of particular significance happened in India, but something still shifted in John, causing him to vilify and reject Paul. The issue with this though, is that it begs the question: why did John undergo such a significant change in India then?

Id argue that perhaps John was making very subtle and slight moves towards Paul, that Paul either ignored or didn't pick up on. Id assume that perhaps John had been hinting at this desire for awhile now, and maybe he got it into his head that in India, where him and Paul would have a lot of time to be alone and intimate, his feelings would finally be reciprocated. But then, Paul never picked up on these hints, and never made any advancements - and this broke something within John. It would fit neatly within the Yoko narrative, because it offers reasoning to the abrupt but intense attachment John formed towards her almost immediately after India - as well as explaining the sudden vilification of Paul. But I suppose that the first two theories also fit pretty neatly within the Yoko narrative, because they all relate to the same basic concept that John wanted more from Paul, and Paul didn’t - and so he tried to replace him with Yoko.

I suppose though, that the this theory overall could also be countered by making the argument that Paul also began to spiral after India, and so some occurrence presumably must have happened to Paul too. I wonder though if its possible that maybe Pauls spiralling was kind of a result of Johns? I get the sense though that Paul would need a change in his life to cause his mental health to seriously deteriorate, but I don’t feel like the same is necessarily true for John - I think John is sort of the type to spiral, irregardless of whether his life undergoes a significant change or not, because I think John was the force driving a lot of the drama and troubles throughout his lifetime. So if Johns mental well-being started seriously deteriorating, I can see this being a cause of panic and anxiety for Paul.

But something that further inclines me to believe that an actual event occurred between John and Paul is this extract from Geoff Emmericks memoir (x)(id recommend reading the entire extract, its interesting!):

‘I glanced in Paul’s direction. He was staring straight ahead, expressionless and weary. He didn’t have much to say about India that day, or any other. I sensed at that moment that something fundamental in them had changed.”’

It just really feels as though there was some confrontation between John and Paul that had to have happened to perpetuate the miscommunication later seen between them. Like if there hadn’t been some kind of confrontation, then I can’t really understand why Paul would be reluctant to speak about India, or harbour any regrets or dismay regarding the journey. Perhaps you could drill it down to the betrayal they appeared to have felt by Maharishi allegedly hitting on girls - but I feel like this was a “betrayal” mostly felt by John, I never really got the sense that Paul was deeply effected by it.

But yeah - those are the main theories I think.

Overall, I think that the third theory is probably the most substantiated claim, but I think it leaves a lot to desired. It just doesn’t feel like it totally fits together, as though theres more to the story - but I guess relationships and peoples psyches aren’t puzzles, and so not everything is always going to piece together perfectly; but I dunno.

Like I said though, the theory im most compelled by is the first. I acknowledge that it lacks evidence, but it just seems to make a lot of sense to me! But really, who knows what the hell happened in India?

If anyone else has an opinion on all this, or wants to expand upon or even suggest a new theory, feel free to! I always like hearing from you guys!

[kanmom51]

Ok - so, I hate to be that person.

I don't believe in the toxic idea that they make each other jealous on purpose, or that jealousy is really a big deal in their relationship at all.

But... what is Jimin doing here?

https://www.youtube .com/watch?v=pk6t9lDFczA&ab_channel=AskAnythingChat

Right after 3:10 he starts looking back (I think at Jungkook? I assume?) before awkwardly showcasing himself touching RM. I literally am doing my best to think of a good reason for this but it is so weird and out of place that I can't really figure it out. And honestly I don't see a huge reaction from Jungkook anyway, so I am yet again not sure what was happening there.

Any thoughts? Is this a weird moment for you or is this something easily explained away?

And again, I do NOT subscribe to the idea that Jimin is doing anything wrong here - at the most it almost seems like trying to get Jungkook's attention (listen, I don't know how their relationship is... they're a strange group..)

I am currently working on my timeline and this should be in part 3 of 2018.

This is definitely one of those I have to put a question mark next to.

BTS ask anything chat iv - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk6t9lDFczA.

There is a bit of a mix up with several interviews, including this one, that seem to all have been shot on the same day with same outfits, but released on different dates. They were probably done on 23rd May 2018, but this specific clip was released on 27 May 2018.

JM’s behaviour is peculiar here, to say the least. JM is a clingy touchy feely kind of guy, we all know this. But he just couldn’t keep his hands off RM’s thigh, I mean he was practically stuck to that thigh like superglue.

I wouldn’t think twice about it if not for the move he made, at one point, prior to placing both of his hands on RM’s thigh. He does this fake stretching his arms and peeking behind him to make sure JK is watching (at least, that's what it looks like). Jin notices JM turning around, JK keeps a straight face but does make a head movement and seems he notices JM. At this point JM stretches out and place both arms on RM’s thigh. JK wasn’t happy, crossing his arms, but he mostly kept a straight face. JM looks back again after hands are on RM's thighs (to check out JK's reaction?).

Again, this isn't the first or last time JM has his hands all over RM's thighs throughout this interview. So, what this was all about, only JM & JK know.

Was JM looking for a reaction? Was this behaviour a reaction to something that went on between JK and himself prior to filming? Was he trying to teach JK a lesson of some sorts? Were points made? Idk. It was just strange and awkward.

The funny thing is that this interview was most likely shot on the same day as the very famous "stay together forever" interview. The boys are wearing the same outfits, just mixed around the seating. As you may recall those were very happy and flirtatious JM and JK that needed a good RM rescue…

Which came first, I have no idea. But as a whole they look to be just fine on that day. To me it's clear that JM's actions were purposeful, but as to what that purpose was I am not sure. Gut feeling says this being a teaching moment of sorts between the two, but who knows.

[badatjokezz]

Haikyuu!! Rare Pair Fic Recs

i’ve been so hype about some Hq rarepairs lately now imma list some of my fav fanfics, mostly OiSuga mwehehe.... 

(probably gonna add some more in the future)

Oisuga (Oikawa x Sugawara)

1. Stuck in the Middle With You by overlymetaromantic

It's not the kind of blossoming relationship either of them would expect, but maybe, just maybe, it could lead to something good.

1. In which Suga and Oikawa run into each other on a late night convenience store run.

2. In which Suga and Oikawa inadvertently switch bags and end up with the other’s uniform.

3. In which Suga gives Oikawa the lecture he doesn't want but probably needs, and Oikawa might accidentally be a little in love.

4. In which Oikawa won't shut up about Suga, and Iwaizumi plays matchmaker just to make him stop.

5. In which there is not a date, and Suga likes spicy things much more than sweet.

6. In which Karasuno and Aobajousai hold training camps in the same neck of the woods, and the trip back proves to be more revealing than it probably should.

7. In which there might just be a future to this after all.

(Dis is so fluffy i might die)

2. moving on (growing up) by _helios (neocitz)

‘I’ll do it,’ Suga says, walking into their prep school and dropping his bag on the floor next to Oikawa. He shoves the melon bun and drink forward into Oikawa’s hands, and stands there looking down at him because he knows that he needs to not chicken out.

‘You’ll do what?’ Oikawa looks up through his glasses, eyes wide and confused as the other students stream in around them.

‘The fake dating thing, I’ll do it.’

‘Fuck. Yes.’ Oikawa says with a fist pump.

(It’s been AGES since i read Fake/Pretend Relationship fic, this one is goood)

3. how strange, to be remembered by venusintwelfthFandoms

"He is not formed of the type of dust that makes up stars. Suga is not the type of person that stays in the mind of one like Oikawa Tooru, ten years later. He is formed of the type of dust you shake off, the type that settles into the ground."

Ten years after Suga last steps off a high-school court, Oikawa recollects a "Mr. Refreshing" in a post-game interview, and Suga is left scrambling.

(Cute one-shot, Oikawa still remember Mr. Refreshing from Karasuno)

4. all the small things by Authoress for lemedy

Sugawara Koushi.

Oikawa’s brain supplies the name of the person standing at the other end of the aisle before Oikawa can even register him, attuned to spitting out facts about other volleyball players on a second’s notice, even after all these years. Karasuno High vice-captain. 174 cm…no, more like 176 now. Skilled at raising morale and bringing an element of surprise to their strategy. Troublesome. Refreshing. Setter.

The enemy.

(Single Dad! Oikawa, cuuutee ugh)

5. Win Some by kingdra (aroceu) for Icie

Tooru does not have a problem, its name is certainly not Sugawara Koushi, and he is not going to the Karasuno practices just to watch him. Regardless of whatever Iwa-chan says.

(High school romane~)

6. Even as bright as you are? by BKAKCANON

That night when he goes to sleep, he includes "the safety of fairies" on his prayers, making a promise to whoever was listening him, that he'd protect all the fairies and keep their secret safe forever.

[Where Oikawa meets Suga when they are kids and Oikawa believes Suga is secretly a fairy and decides he has to protect his secret all costs.]

(This is basically matches my headcanon)

7. getting to know you by oisugasuga

Suga feels like he’s back on the court then, his heart thudding hard in his ears… so hard he almost misses what Oikawa says. Unfortunately, though, he doesn’t.

"My, my. What a surprise," Oikawa Tooru says. And then… "Hello, Mr. Refreshing."

(Haven’t finished yet but DAMN I LOVE OIKAWA AND SUGA IN HERE, single dad! oikawa, and Suga babysitting oikawa’s kid, def slow burn. Imma follow this fic till death)

8. Dear Reader by hyirule

No one seems to read the paper anymore. But Oikawa likes to for the sports section. One day he finds himself reading a section called "Dear Reader" and finds a submission he can relate to.

Basically messages sent through a page on a newspaper brings to unlikely souls together, who maybe have more in common than they first thought.

(Cannon compliant, simple and... refreshing(?))

9. rest by shicchaan

Tooru looks at the sleeping person beside him as he waits for the lights change into green. The growing fringe of his husband started to cover his eyes but he can still see the beautiful birthmark under the silver haired's left eye.

(Established relationship, fluff fluff!!!)

10. long is the road (that leads me home) by ichweissnichtauch

He thinks about himself, deleting contacts from his phone and throwing coffee cups away without even looking at the string of numbers scrawled in Sharpie ink underneath, and he’s tired of hiding, tired of carefully treading the lines he’d drawn for himself all those years ago.

Just this once, Tooru wants— he thinks he wants to be brave.

Oikawa Tooru is not a stranger to wanting.

(like... 20% Oisuga but i like the way this story follows the Cannon till he get to Argentina)

11. It's Always Been About You by mintycarrots

Every time Tooru had envisioned meeting his soulmate, it was a confession of love, filled with tears of happiness and a lot of making out. It would be a faceless petite girl that would support Tooru in whatever he chose to pursue and would understand when Tooru prioritized volleyball over all else.

It was never a boy on the rival team.

(Soulmate AU)

12. a play in three acts by venusintwelfth

"The first time Sugawara Koushi sees Oikawa Tooru play, he thinks that if he wasn’t so set on volleyball, he’d do well in theater."

the first seijoh x karasuno match through the eyes of suga.

(Kinda poetic i guess, well written af)

13. colors by dazeful

Sugawara Koushi's colorful life as an archer.

(this is like the perfect oisuga one shot ive ever read)

___

IwaSuga (Iwaizumi x Sugawara)

1. And so the moon cried by iwriteinpenFandoms:

The hillocks are the domain of unearthly creatures. Creatures of rot and fog, of music and dance. Like ghosts in the night they travel without leaving footprints, they disappear in a flurry of long dresses and pale hair. Those who are fated to see them risk curses far worse than death. You may hear them, a giggle in the wind. You may smell them, the smell of the fog rolling in through the trees. You should pray you never see them. Iwaizumi Hajime is a simple man. He works a simple farm job and enjoys simple things. After one morning where he woke next to a perfect circle of death and only the memory of brown eyes and cold hands, he finds himself inexplicably drawn to the forest. Will the tales of his childhood play out with him at the center or will he have to disregard all reason?

(Danish Folklore AU)

2. Cry Just A Little by DreadfulMind

Suga was whistling a tune to himself as he opened the door to the bathroom, so he didn't hear the muffled crying through the door. But he could hear it clearly once he was inside. He heard the sharp sob of someone trying to stop.

"Iwaizumi?" He asked, "are you sure you're alright?"

(Simple but c u t e)

3. Generations by Karasuno Volleygays (ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor), mozaikmage

Professional sports blogger Sugawara Koushi writes an article about a volleyball match that bears special meaning to him and his former kouhai: a showdown between Kitagawa Daiichi and Yukigaoka Middle School, ten years after the teams faced off for the first time. He doesn't plan on capturing the attention of the world of sports journalism, and he certainly doesn't expect himself to end up having a thing for one of the coaches involved, one Iwaizumi Hajime.

(Time-Skip, I loved it)

___

KuroTsuki (Kuroo x Tsukishima)

1. Invictus by Chiru

Kuroo T. » So let me get this straight (gay?) Kuroo T. » You want me to pretend to be your perfect and fabulous boyfriend, so that your little freckled friend will stop trying to set you up with cute little highschool girls? Tsukishima Kei » yes Kuroo T. » Aha. Tsukishima Kei » you'll do it? Kuroo T. » I don't know. I missed the part where I get something out of it. Tsukishima Kei » you get to annoy me. Unfortunately Kuroo T. » Tempting, Tsukki, very tempting indeed.

(Fake/Pretend Relationship, some fluff, some angst, i read this in the middle of the night and cried, fortunately happy ending)

2. hold onto hope if you got it by nekolyssi

"Now, in the beginning of their third year of high school, the obnoxious hollering and incessant spirit of his teammates became normalcy to Kei. And now, normalcy is this. Weekly psych meetings. Pharmacy waiting rooms. Prescriptions. Refusal of prescriptions. More prescriptions."

(Not finished yet but yep prolly gonna put this one to one of those best haikyuu fics ive ever read. I wasnt so interested at first but i really like the idea of mental ilness etc, this is g o o d!!)

3. [KuroTsuki Fest Week 2017] Traces by Heartythrills 

Kuroo’s disappeared for a little over a week now, and suddenly a 4 year old who looks like him appears before Tsukishima’s apartment.

(Age regression, fluff)

4. I swear by xArtemisx

Like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there

"What are you doing here, Tetsu? It's cold." Kei asked softly. Tetsurou smiled. Hearing his name came out of Kei's lips is always music to his ears.

"Nothing. I just came to think that whatever memory we make, may it be happy or sad memories, the bright moon and the starry night sky is always there to be the witness. Did you notice?" The alpha answered and Kei nodded. He also noticed it.

"Yes, I did noticed it."

(I love agony and sad ending....)

5. Honeybee by ClosetGoblin

Tsukishima has trouble sleeping one night during a Third Gym Camping Trip. So, he takes his acoustic guitar and passes the time with some music, and gets a visitor. Maybe he doesn't mind Kuroo's voice as he does the screeching that Lev and Hinata call singing.

(Simple but sweet)

6. Say You Like Me by the_madame21

It's been three months. And Tsukishima Kei is going to see Kuroo Tetsurou.

(light angst and.. s m u t. Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamic)

7. trying to get to you by mytsukkishine

Everything came crashing down on Kuroo when Kei had left him alone with nothing but the moon shining down on him.

Wherein, Kuroo was struggling to move on and decided that he wouldn't mind being with Kei again.

(sad beginning? yes. sad ending? y e s. you’re a masochist? come get your juice)

8. Please Hold by ThemooncatFandoms

Kei was expecting Kuroo to do one of two things; Send a text to the office saying that they will have to call back another time and continue what they started, or excuse himself from Kei to answer the call, which was most likely. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Kuroo does neither of those things.

(short but hot. what’s hotter than quiet sex?)

___

Ushijima x Oikawa

1. This Insignificant Pride and Prejudice by Mysecretfanmoments, Pouler (poulerslashes)

Oikawa Tooru graduated high school with the burning desire to succeed in his college career. He'd hoped that might include taking down his arch-nemesis along the way, but when he finds that his college team hosts an offensively familiar face, he can't help but think that the universe might be conspiring against him. After all, what could be worse than playing on the same team as Ushijima?

(It was funny for me reading oikawa/ushijima fic with that “you should’ve come to Shiratorizawa” joke at first but somehow i found this one... endearing :3, cute poor ushiwaka)

___

Atsumu x Nishinoya

1. All the things I love about Yuu by KilluCoulomb

Atsumu Miya is fixated in Nishinoya. The way the boy acts, talks, plays. He Carefully observes from afar, but he slowly warms up to the Libero. Friendship becomes more and more intimate. Atsumu realizes Nishinoya is not that simple guy he met three years ago. And he loves it.

(pro volleyball players AU)

2. i'll see you then by noyabeans (snowdrops)

Nishinoya Yuu and Miya Atsumu build a rivalry and something more.

“Oh, it's Karasuno’s libero,” he says, mildly surprised to see Nishinoya’s face staring back at him from the brochure, grinning wide with his arms folded over his chest.

Contains spoilers for the current manga arc, up to chapter 380.

[markleesthighs]

ive been watching er and uhm 😳 could you write me a mark smut where i’m a new resident and he’s been doing residency for about 3 years and he’s tryna help me get the hang of the hospital and stuff but i notice he’s stressed about patients and stuff so we bang in an exam room or sumn 😳😳

-this is really mf specific but ok, you do you.

[10:30 AM] You were worried about going into residency the moment you graduate from medical school. Sure, you knew everything and aced all your tests but you fell short on your labs. You generally had shaky hands and your nerves got the best of you most of the time. You found a residency nearby your apartment where you would be working. You nailed your interview and had all the qualifications they needed. But you were still nervous, in medical school you were generally quiet and kept to yourself, a loner as one might say.

You shyly walked in to talk to the receptionist who greeted you and directed you to your supervisor or experienced personnel who would be guiding and watching over you. His name was Mark Lee and he had been doing residency for the past 3 years, he was also known for taking care of the President and his wife for medical check ups. He had the brains, brawn, and beauty, it was no shock you got jealous looks from other nurses and doctors when they heard you would be working under him. He greeted you and shook your hand.

“Ah y/n, it’s so lovely to meet you, I’m Mark and I’ll be guiding and watching over you while you are here.”

“It’s nice t-to meet y-you too.”

“Nervous? Don’t worry, you’ll just be assisting and watching me today, no independent work for you.”

You sighed in relief you weren’t prepared to give an emergency surgery on your first day so you were thankful for not jumping straight into something with no guidance.

You followed Mark around the whole day grabbing him medical files or any equipment he needed. It wasn’t as hard as the work he was doing. He had to pump an old mans stomach because he got wasted on soju. Luckily, he saved him but you couldn’t step foot into that room since you were only a first year resident. Finally the day was over for the both of you and other residents would take over other shifts so you two could sleep. You walked into Mark’s office to find him visibly stressed and you felt pretty bad about it.

“Hey, Mark are you alright?”

“Yeah it just by the end of the work day I get really stressed out about the next shift and stuff. It’s hard to work in residency when you never know what’s going to happens next.”

You never thought about it that way but you felt sympathy for him.

“Is there anyway I can help or relieve your stress?”

“There is one thing. But I don’t know if you’d be up for it.”

“Please! I’ll do anything!”

“Anything?”

Mark walked closer to you almost towering over you, he leaned down to whisper into your ear, “Then have would you have sex with me?” You were flustered with your face red at a tomato as he dragged you to an exam room and pushed you against the wall.”

“W-wait!”

“What is it darling?”

“I-I haven’t said my answer yet.” He started to caress your body making your core throb and start to get wet.

“I think I already know the answer, baby.”

“P-please s-stop teasing.”

With that Mark started to kiss and bite your neck and you breahed soft moans into his ear and tugging his hair. Mark removed his lab coat and shirt revealing his chest (he was ripped T-T) You visibly blushed as he brought you over to the hospital bed and pushed you down so he was on top of you.

“I won’t do anything you don’t want to do, so if you want to stop tell me now.”

“N-no please continue”

Mark started to kiss you desperately with his slightly chapped soft lips. He started to undress you pulling apart your shirt and exposing your chest. He kissed all over it making your mind go crazy. You could feel his hard cock through his pants and you instinctively started to remove the belt from his pants. You were anticipating what was hiding under there and you were not surprised. He was big and you thought he was not going to fit into your core. You blush looking away and Mark leaned down to tilt your head to look at him.

“Oh baby please don’t be shy, I’ll go slow, let me know if it’s too much ok?”

He said while kissing your cheek and neck as he slowly slid into your core (with a condom on please be safe and use protection kiddos). You were holding in your moans biting on your lip trying not to scream from how big he was. Mark could visibly see your face scrunching in pain.

“Are you ok?”

“Y-yeah, please, p-please start moving ahh~”

Mark started to thrust slowly into your core as you moaned and digging your nails into his bare back.

“Fuck, baby you’re so tight”

That only turned you on more as you kept moaning his name and Mark gradually picked up the pace.

“Mark! I’m about to- ahh~ I’m about to cum!”

“Me too baby, let’s- let’s cum together.”

After about three more pumps Mark came and you quickly came after. Mark kissed all over your neck before he pulled out of you. You whined feeling empty as Mark took off the condom and threw it in the trash. He cleaned you up as you both got dressed back into your clothes. Mark could visibly see your legs were a little shaky so he grabbed your arm helping to give you support.

“Just hold on to me baby, I got you.”

You instinctively leaned into Mark’s side as you nuzzled into his arm.

“It’s late, you can stay over at my place tonight, baby, I don’t want you walking home alone.”

“T-thanks, h-hey um...are we like dating now?”

“Do you think I just fuck someone I don’t like? Do you want us to be dating?”

“M-maybe?” He gave you an offended look.

“Y-yes we can date, I guess...”

“Alright baby, whatever you want, just remember to keep it professional at work tomorrow.”

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

[doflamingadonquixote]

An Almost Perfect Life - 4/?

Summary: You are a young career woman at one of the bank in London and, at the same time, attending a PhD in Statistics. Your life was perfect until your apartment was invaded by two demons.

Pairing: Sebastian Michaelis x Fem!Reader x Claude Faustus

Previous Chap: Page 1 , Page 2 , Page 3

IV. Sharing Demons

The days had now reached a monotony that you didn't think possible. At work you were controlled by Sebastian but more than control he seemed to really develop a duty as an intern, helping you in the compilation of the documents and in the interviews that you used to carry out with customers who required your experience.

You never thought that kind of cohabitation would reach that level of fake tranquility. At one point, having breakfast and dinner almost became a pleasure.

Claude had become less intrusive, leaving you the space you needed during the study and no longer dared to approach your wardrobe after warning him that if he did it again you would have entered into a contract with Sebastian just out of spite.

You were sure the demon knew you had told a lie but still respected your will.

The last day before the week of your parents' visit, the golden-eyed demon even made you a preparer for a Statistics exam after studying with you and explaining some more delicate reasoning.

However, that feeling of continuous hunting didn’t seem to disappear. The two were and still seemed obsessed with entering into a contract.

Misunderstandings and attacks had happened at least a dozen times and it seemed that the two demons didn’t know how to be in company with each other. One day the house was haunted by Sebastian, the other by Claude.

It seemed as if they disappeared into thin air and when you asked about them or wanted to understand their nature, they seemed to evade your questions, leaving you with a huge question mark.

So much so that day they seemed tremendously irritated by the presence of their fellow man.

“So, my family is coming. I don't want oddities of any kind.” You explained clearly and concisely to the two demons who stood in front of the door.

You asked them politely if they could wear something more normal, like a pair of jeans and a shirt. Needless to say, they had dressed exactly the same way, so it was a matter of debate.

So you decided to offer Sebastian something that diverted attention from ordinary clothing and opted for a long black scarf.

You would have complained about that too, but you preferred to fly over.

You pointed your finger at Sebastian. “I've already explained the situation a hundred times.” And you turned your attention to Claude. “It's nothing too difficult.”

The door rang and almost made you jump on the spot.

“And absolutely no fights.”

Then with a sigh you opened the door and, first of all, you were invaded by the warm embrace of your mother. One arm closed on you while the other held up a bundle of fur. It was in extreme contact with your chest and you felt it shake a little before the woman left.

“It's nice to see you again, mom” you sighed, happy with a friendly face at last. The woman passed you and before paying attention to your father, you observed the reactions of the two demons.

When she settled in front of Sebastian, you watched him widen his eyes as a bright complexion went to cover his cheeks.

“Nice to meet you, I'm the mother of (Y / N), (Y / M / N).”

“Cat.” He said only, as he laid his red eyes on the white beast in your mother's arms.

You whitened. That particular attention on the animal made your blood rise to the brain. Did demons also eat cats?

Before the embarrassing moment could hit everyone, Claude reached out to cover your mother's, appearing in Sebastian's place.

“It's been a while” your father's voice came clear to your ears, forcing you to give your full attention to him.

At the door, with his usual bearing, he looked at you with a softened expression accompanied by a rare smile.

“Yes, it's been a while,” you agreed, letting the detachment disappear as you closed your arms around his body. You definitely missed your father.

He had always been there in difficult times and in your complicated choice of university. You would never have found the right way to thank them for all their commitment and love.

“They are Sebastian, my colleague at work ...” and you pointed to the raven who was playing with the legs of your mother's cat. “… And Claude, Sebastian's cousin. He teaches math and is helping me in the Master.”

The less distracted of the two made a slight bow and wondered where the hell it came from. A simple handshake was enough.

Your father's gaze turned from peaceful to extremely confused.

You quickly approached Claude, placing a hand behind his back and giving him a small pinch with your fingers to make him go straight.

“Well, what if we have lunch, I'm hungry.” you laughed forcedly as the demon watched you in silence.

Your mother, after playing enough with Sebastian and having had her dose of high discomfort, placed the cat in his arms and turned to face you.

“What? Already? But it's only 12 o'clock.” she returned to give her attention to the man to whom she had entrusted her creature and smiled cordially. “After all, I'm curious to know.”

Michaelis gently placed the cat on the ground and finally decided to get out of that embarrassing situation.

“Of course, I promised you after all, madame.”

Your mother laughed at the appellation and asked him to call her only by her name while escorting her to the living room, followed closely by your father who had suddenly become morbid and jealous.

“Are you allright, miss?” asked the second devil, just turning to look at you.

“I hope.” You moaned. “I really hope so.”

 “Are you serious?” chuckled (Y / M / N) as she let herself fall against the sofa.

“It was just like that. I would have expected everything but never to be mistaken for a thief.” Sebastian again confirmed as he was still pouring some tea into your mother's cup.

The two of them had secluded on the sofa closest to the window and on the other side of the table your father was starting a close conversation with Claude who seemed to respond monotonously.

For your part, you had been completely ignored during the whole aperitif, leaving you to deal with your phone.

And you couldn't have had better luck.

With the two distracted demons, you could have investigated more deeply into their nature. You had tried as much as possible to find out about how any contracts entered into worked and how the devil was able to circumvent them.

But nothing specified of devils who deliberately put themselves at the service of a human being without a lavish reward. Yours seemed to be an isolated case, not studied and not treated anywhere.

You excluded the most famous sites, certain that if something had been deliberately ousted you would never have been able to find it there and you aimed at those small anonymous sites with a macabre air.

Many spoke of how to recall a devil but few of how to expel that entity.

What you learned, however, was that the devil could only walk in the human world if close to a contractor. So if that was the case, why were those two still able to walk around like normal people?

And in history, even if they were just mythologies, nobody seemed to have been smart enough to deceive a devil.

Just when you were about to forfeit, an important word jumped into your eyes.

-Demon Slayer-

You thought that by clicking on it you would discover some mysterious coven of fanatics but only a cartoon from Japan happened to you.

Although it had been a waste of time, a vague probability of a demon hunter existence tickled your interest. But they could be anywhere.

The church certainly could have given you the answer you were looking for. Using correct and delicate words, they couldn’t have believed you mad but only persecuted.

There was only one problem.

You raised your eyes to the demons who, with their all too human faces, deceived your family with false and kind words.

Being able to leave the house without being observed by both wouldn’t have been an easy task.

Just as those thoughts invaded your head, Sebastian's eyes looked up at you and you could observe a curious frown. Faster than light, you closed the application and smiled fake.

“Well, how about sitting all at the table now? You must know that Sebastian is also an excellent cook. ”

 “It was a beautiful hour, (Y / N). We would have passed more often if there had also been such welcome companies.”

You avoided gnashing your mother's words as she warmly greeted the two demons near the door.

If only they had known...

“Don't get too used to it, I will get rid of them as soon as possible.” You wanted it to sound like a joke but it came out too much like a truth.

Sebastian turned to you, his usual innocent smile that graced his all too perfect face. “Now, now, it's not a nice thing to say.”

“Have a good return trip.” You recommended to your father, ignoring the offended comment of the red-eyed demon.

You watched them go out and walk along the avenue of your district from the window and when they disappeared from your sight you managed to breathe a sigh of relief.

The demons had done well, after all, and you never expected all that cooperativity.

Closing the light white curtains, you turned suddenly and jumped on the spot when your vision was completely obscured by a figure a few centimeters from you.

You sighed, putting a hand on your heart. “You have to stop showing up behind people...”

The golden eyes narrowed as if he were amused by your reaction, although nothing in his stoic expression seemed to show it. “I apologize. I forget how sensitive you are to heart attacks.”

“It seems like you're waiting for it to happen...” you laughed a little, trying to break that heavy feeling of blockage.

With a sigh, you let your eyes drop on the glass cup he held in his hands. Inside it still shone the dark brown liquid that your mother sipped during the aperitif. Maybe you forgot it in the living room.

“Oh, thanks.” You reached out to grab the object but when you came into contact with the demon's skin, his fingers opened letting the glass fall down.

You tried to reach it straight away, as if by an involuntary reaction, but the wrist was tightened in a painful grip that made you suddenly withdraw.

The thud and the sound of crystals dispersing on the parquet floor filled the silence inside the small room.

You could feel Claude's nails delicately tracing the inside of your wrist, caressing your flesh as if in a silent threat.

You tried to pressure yourself, as if to get back what was yours but it didn't work. The arm remained stretched to the side of the demon while his body seemed to dominate you. It wasn't too close to be annoying, but not too far away to allow you to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Claude, what's going on?”

When you found the courage to take your eyes off the floor and the grip, your eyes focused on his and you held your breath.

Behind the transparent lenses of the glasses, the unmistakable fire that had replaced the passive and detached yellow eyes shone.

You wanted to try again to say something that could make you understand the reason for his gesture but the grip that surrounded your flesh intensified suddenly letting you escape a sore groan.

Without your noticing his figure had bent over you and when his dark hair came to pinch your nose, you instinctively closed your eyes.

The unmistakable blow of a magazine on a hard object sounded a few centimeters from you, blocking the advance of the demon.

“Get a hold of yourself, Claude. You're scaring the young lady.”

You raised your head, which you had involuntarily lowered in fear, on the newcomer who was waving an old newspaper just above the spider demon's head, a sarcastic smile that graced his lips.

The demonic eyes had vanished again returning to the unmistakable gold and although they seemed to show a sort of surprise, that lasted a few moments.

Your hand was free again and you raised it in front of your chest, massaging the bruised skin. A bruise would probably come out the next day.

"I apologize." He only said, in his usual flat voice. He seemed to apologize very much that day.

Sebastian lowered his red eyes on you, holding out a hand as if to give you a rope to escape from that uncomfortable corner. You didn't know why but you relied on the second demon without thinking twice as he approached you.

“Maybe we should keep our appetite under control, don't you think?”

“I hate to admit it, but maybe you're right.”

You didn’t fully understand the allusion that the two demons had exchanged but you were sure of one thing. Claude was going to hurt you very much.

Your cell phone alarm clock rang at that moment, warning everyone that it was time to go back to work. Sebastian would follow you, as usual while Claude would stay home. Or so you thought.

Just before leaving, you turned around, confused by the sudden absence.

“Where's Claude?”

Michaelis put a finger to his lips as if to hide an all too obvious smile.

“Who knows, maybe sudden commitments.”

Unfortunately, at that time, you couldn’t understand the meaning of that phrase. But soon you would have.

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

Status Update: July 26th, 2021 3:37 pm

Hey guys!! it’s been a bit but i’m actually doing pretty great. Last status update was a bit of a heavy topic but today’s is gonna be pretty light and stuff like that. I didn’t mention it yet on here but i made my high school’s dance team! we had practice today and we ran just about a mile in like 90F heat which sucked but after made me feel pretty good ngl, i ate breakfast at around 7 am - 7:30 am ish and i haven’t eaten since but genuinely i’m not hungry right about now. I turn 16 in 3 days, speaking of i’ve had this account since i was about 12 or 13 and the fact that i turn 16 so soon straight up scares me. My life in the best way possible had been consumed by dance and my bestfriend but i am not complaining one bit and i love every second of it. My main friend group and i are slowly drifting apart but once we’re all back in school i think we’ll be just fine. My first performance with dance team is in about 3 weeks and i’m so scared but i’m really excited, so far being on team alone has gotten me to learn new tricks and become a better dancer. But back to tumblr things i posted a status update a year ago today at 6:10 am and since then i’ve gotten an amazing bestfriend that i talk to everyday, i’ve made a whole new teams worth of friends, i’ve done a whole year of online schooling and i’m entering my junior year of highschool. Since then i’ve applied for my first job, and had my first job interview, ive also started to learn to drive and my permit test is in september. I remember posting two years ago that i was just starting highschool and now i’m already halfway done, regardless i love tumblr so i’ll probably be back again with another status update sometime soon! Stay safe sweets! -Nikkie

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

Flatbush & Atlantic: part iv

And here’s part iv! I’d love it if y’all would reblog, this is a work I’m really proud of and the more people it’s shared with the better! My inbox is always open, and I’d love to hear your thoughts, even if it’s just “AAAAAH.” Enjoy!

part i part ii part iii

part iv

December 12

Cass grimaced, looking over at the tab on her laptop that had the Islanders game open. They were down 3-1 late in the third, and it didn’t look like they were going to be able to pull it off. It was the last game of a ten day roadie, and they had lost all but one against the Red Wings right at the beginning. And the Wings were 10-21, so it wasn’t even a confidence booster. To make matters worse, Mat was on a points drought; he hadn’t gotten an assist, let alone scored, since the first game of the trip, a 4-1 loss to the Blue Jackets. They also were playing a few players down, an MCL sprain and the ever-vague “lower body injury” kept the team from being at full strength. 

As the game came to a close, she didn’t even know if Mat wanted to talk to her. His relentless dedication was one of her favorite things about him, but it also led him to take things way too personally and be way too hard on himself even when  — especially when  — the situation didn’t call for it. He was probably beating himself up as the boys headed back into the locker room, being short with his teammates and trainers and whatever poor sports reporter had been sent to ask “how they planned on snapping this unfortunate streak” in the post-game interviews. He’d never be deliberately mean or unkind to anyone, but just like anyone, her boyfriend got stressed and overwhelmed and didn’t always know how to deal with it. I saw the game, she texted him, I’m proud of you. Call me if you want. 

Dec. 15 (wed)

Mat had barely spoken to her since the return from the roadie, and it was starting to get on her nerves. Texts were responded with single words, if they were answered at all. They were supposed to have visited the Met yesterday , but that hadn’t happened either. He had cancelled, saying that “some team thing came up” and he wouldn’t be able to make it. Barely apologized. And what pissed Cass of more than almost anything was that she wanted to help, she wanted so badly for him to just talk to her, she wouldn’t judge him or make him feel like he was a shitty player or a shitty person, but she couldn’t do that if he wasn’t even picking up her damn calls. Who do you talk to when there’s almost nobody in the world who understands the position you’re in? 

Maybe that was just it. She’d go to the people who did understand. Paige had added her to the WAGs Whatsapp group the week prior, and from everything she had gathered so far, it was exactly the sort of place to go for advice. Cass pulled up the chat, torn between not wanting to seem like she was oversharing but not really sure what else she could do. Hey, guys, she started. Mat’s been taking the losing streak pretty personally (as I’m sure a lot of your guys are) and seems to be pulling away. Any advice? I don’t want to push him but I know it’ll get worse if he just keeps it all bottled inside. Clicking send, Cass sighed, leaning back in her desk chair and trying desperately to study for her Environmental Law final. 

At some point after midnight, she closed her books and laptop with frustration. The test wasn’t until next week, but she wasn’t going to get anywhere trying to study as distracted as she was. She grabbed her phone, heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth and check the group chat. No fewer than six of the women had written back, some of whom she hadn’t even met, with long, sympathetic paragraphs overflowing with advice. She read them all, touched by the time, effort, and care that everyone has put into making her feel just a little less anxious. But the overwhelming message was clear. Find balance, but don’t let him blow you off. Be a support system, but you’re not his therapist. And repeated again and again, Talk to him. 

She tapped out a message before she turned her bedside lamp off, hoping that with morning would finally come a proper response from Mat. Can we meet for coffee tomorrow morning? You know as well as I do that we need to talk. I’ll be at Donahue’s at 8. 

Read: 12:23 AM

Dec. 16 (thurs)

Her foot tapped nervously, hands clasped tightly around the cup in front of her and beanie pulled over her head, curls poking out from under. He had read the text, but Cass had no clue if Mat was actually going to show up or not. He hadn’t responded. It was ten past eight, and Cass was just about ready to give up and head to school early. She had just put her laptop back in her bag when she caught Mat out of the corner of her eye. He gave her a small smile, equal parts nervous and almost  — bothered? “Hey,” he said softly, unzipping his puffer coat and sliding into the chair opposite her. “You said you wanted to talk?”

Suddenly, the whole elaborate speech Cass had prepared, about letting her in and supporting him and communication, left her mind. “Yeah.”

“So, talk,” Mat said, with a slight edge to his voice. 

She looked down at her cup. “I get that you’re disappointed about the losing streak. I get it and I’m sorry that you’re not doing as well as you hoped —”

“I don’t think you do get it, Cassidy —”

She cut him off. “Let me finish, Mathew. I’m sorry that you’re not doing as well as you hoped, and I do get how shitty it is when you know you’re putting in the time and effort and practice and it doesn’t seem like anything’s working, but you’ve barely talked to be about any of it.”

“‘Cause I don’t want to,” Mat mumbled. 

Cass leaned back in her chair. “And I get that. I get if you don’t want to talk to me. But you’re not talking to anyone. You’re not talking to Tito, I asked him and he said you’ve been just as closed-off with the team. You’re not talking to any of the other guys. And I’d bet you’re not talking to your parents or your sister either.”

No one gets it!” Mat said in frustration, a little louder than was necessary. “I go through so much shit and have so much pressure on me and…” He trailed off for a minute. “I don’t want to disappoint the team, I don’t want to disappoint the fans. I don’t want to disappoint my family. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Everyone had their ups and downs,” Cass started.

“And I get that,” Mat said, holding his head in his hands and looking down at her coffee cup. The same white-and-blue one he had gotten her two months earlier. “But it’s hard. It’s hard when I’m feeling like the fans aren’t getting what they deserve when they come to games, and like I’m not worth what they’re paying me right now. I know you want to, but you don’t get it.”

Cass looked away, turning her eyes to the street. The sidewalk was dusted in white, turning to slush every time someone walked past. It was the first snow of the year. “Then help me to.”

He breathed out, finally relaxing a little. “It’s not that easy.”

“I want to help you,” Cass said, leaning over the table and clasping his hands in hers. “But you can’t keep freezing me out like this, chou. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to me.”

Mat closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. “I just don’t want this to become your thing too. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I know right now kind of sucks for me but that’s just how it is sometimes, you know? It’s just how it is and I have to get over it. I have to get over myself.”

“Mat, your well-being and mental health isn’t something you can just ‘get over.’ Or even something you should. I’m not a professional, and if you need one that’s something we can find,” Mat wrinkled his face, and Cass was pointedly reminded how often men’s mental health was ignored, “but I’m here for you to talk to. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

He ran his thumb over her hand. “But you didn’t sign up for this.”

Cas shook her head. “Mathew Barzal. This is exactly what I signed up for. I’m pretty smart,” he cracked a smile, “and I knew what I was getting myself into. Dating someone with such an unconventional job and schedule can be stressful, and frustrating, and confusing for everyone involved. But I chose it, Mat. I chose you.”

Dec. 21 (mon)

For once, Cass wasn’t headed straight home after work, or headed to a game, or — God forbid — back to the library to study. Her last final had been that morning, and she was free for three blessed weeks until the New Year. Which meant that she didn’t have to worry about turning in another essay or memorizing another case, which meant that she was more than free to go to the team Christmas party with Mat later that night. He had somehow been coerced into hosting, and Cass had promised to get to his apartment early to help set up. He was mostly done by the time she got there, so “setting up” turned out to mean setting up the bar and putting out snacks, Cass mixing up an enormous pitcher of her favorite sangria, a signature standby from her sorority’s Wine Wednesdays. 

Mat had even put up a proper Christmas tree, and Cass smiled at the piney scent as she headed down the hallway, bag in hand. “Cool if I change in your room?” She shouted down the hall at Mat, who was currently engrossed in pouring a bowl full of chocolate-covered pretzels. “Yeah, go for it,” he called back. Cass didn’t have a lot of excuses to dress up, but liked taking advantage when the occasion called for it. Her dress was short, red satin with a slit on one side and silver embellishment on the other. She used his bathroom to touch up her makeup, swiping her burgundy lipstick on and double-checking her brows. Cass shoved her work clothes back into her backpack, tossing it onto the plush armchair in the corner of his room. 

She walked down the hallway, which was pretty much bare save for a few pictures of his friends from home and one with his family on the day he was drafted. She was kind of surprised that Mat owned a single picture frame. Cass sat on the couch in his living room, looking at the Christmas tree. There were one or two Islanders ornaments, a paper Santa that she assumed had been a kindergarten art project, a photo of his family around the fireplace that looked like it had been taken a year or two earlier. Mat wrapped his arms around her, hugging her from behind. “Whatcha looking at, babe?” 

She smiled. “Your ornaments. They’re really pretty.”

“Not  as pretty as you.”

The door rang, Mat kissing her quickly before walking across the room to open it. A group of the younger players piled in, mostly rookies and call-ups from Bridgeport. One of them had brought along a keg of beer, and Cass had to fight back a laugh while showing him to the kitchen and setting it on the counter. He was just out of college, she’d stake her life on it. By the time she’d secured the keg and started getting people set up with drinks, the living room had started to fill up. “What can I get you?” She asked Paige, who had left Tito with the boys by the tree and made her way over to Cass. 

“What are my chances of getting a Moscow mule?” Paige asked. “I don’t want to be a difficult guest, but,”

“Very good,” Cass said, turning around and grabbing the vodka and ginger ale. “We don’t have the proper mugs though, so don’t be complaining.” One shot of vodka. Half a can of ginger ale. Squeeze a lime. She had bartended for a little over a year when she first moved to New York, and it was still one of her favorite things to do for friends. Mixing herself a whiskey sour, Cass wandered back over to Mat and Tito. 

---

It was well past eleven and the party was nowhere near stopping. While everyone was conscious of the noise level — for the most part, she had seen a few of the guys being reminded to use their inside voices — the conversations were still going and the drinks were still flowing. Cass had passed the tipsy point somewhere around 10:30, though she was nowhere near as hammered as some of the team. Or their dates, for that matter. She was cuddled up against Mat on the couch, heels long having since been abandoned and nursing what she was pretty sure was a vodka sprite with way too much vodka and way too little sprite. Whatever, Cass thought ruefully as she tipped the last of it back. It gets the job done. 

Mat was a touchy drunk, Cass had learned, and one hand seemed to have taken up permanent residence at her waist while he sipped a beer with the other. “What do you think Christmas will be like for you?” Cass asked softly, tilting up her head to look at him. “Since you won’t be with your family.” Mat knew it was a possibility, but he was still pretty upset when he looked at the schedule and realized that his family wasn’t going to be able to fly out to spend the holidays with him, and he didn’t have enough time to go back out to Vancouver. 

Her parents had extended the invitation for Mat to spend Christmas with them when she had been back up for Thanksgiving; he couldn’t make Christmas Day, but was able to carve out two days to visit. He smiled at her, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “You’re cute when you’re worried, y’know that?” Cass scrunched up her nose. “It’s not like I’m going to be alone. I’m doing Christmas with Beau, since Paige’ll be out of town too, and some of the guys usually plan a nice dinner thing for anyone who’s not with family.”

“That sounds nice,” Cass noted, still feeling a pang of guilt. 

“Hey,” Mat said, noticing her distraction. He sat up, turning her face to look towards him. “I’ll be fine. I’m a grown-ass man.” 

Cass cocked an eyebrow. “Sure about that?”

Mat giggled. “Okay, okay, fine. Point taken. But yeah, it would be nice to have my family, but I kind of do, y’know?” He said, nodding around to the guys. Cass could have sworn that in that moment, her heart melted. “And I want you to spend time with yours. I’d be kind of a shitty boyfriend if I didn’t want you to.” Mat leaned in, and his lips brushed against hers so that they were almost touching but not quite, hesitantly. Cass pressed against him, her fingers finding purchase in the baby hairs at the nape of his neck. She loved that he was letting his hair grow out. He tasted like whiskey and tequila and some cheap beer that she was pretty sure was Natty Light, but she couldn’t have cared less, just like she ignored the not-so-subtle wolf-whistles from the teammates. 

Everyone started clearing out around midnight, a few staying to help stuff cans and bottles into trash bags that were left unceremoniously in the kitchen to be dealt with the next morning. Cass yawned, rubbing her eyes. She had sobered up some, but was still well past the legal limit. “Whatcha doing?” Mat asked, seeing her about to order an Uber.

“Calling a ride?” Cass questioned.

“Why don’t you just stay?” Mat asked haltingly. “If you want.” Cass had obviously been over to his place before, multiple times, but hadn’t stayed the night yet. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, because she did, but it was something that was a big step for her. That meant a lot to her. But it was late, and she was sleepy, and Mat did make a really good pillow. “Okay,” she conceded. 

Mat smiled, taking her hand and leading her back to his bedroom. He rummaged through his dresser, grabbing an old Thunderbirds t-shirt and athletic shorts and handing them to her as she walked into his ensuite. “I don’t have stuff to get your makeup off, but there is soap?” He offered. 

Cass laughed. “I brought some wipes, but thank you. That’s really sweet.” She changed and took her makeup off, finding a spare toothbrush in one of the drawers and brushing her teeth. She popped out after a few minutes. Mat was already changed, dressed in pyjama pants and a comfy-looking heathered grey top. “The red toothbrush is mine now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he responded, cracking a smile. A few minutes later, she had claimed the left side of the bed and he had come back from the bathroom. They were lazily kissing, Mat’s hand just barely brushing the skin on her waist from where the shirt had ridden up. Cass was still tipsy and she knew Mat wouldn’t try anything, not like this, but God, it was nice just to feel close to him. After a few minutes he pulled back, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen out of the loose messy bun she had thrown together. “What’s running through your head, babe?” He murmured. 

Cass looked down, biting her lip. She was usually good with emotions, good with communication, but something about Mat made her heart skip a beat and brain go into overdrive all at once, and somehow she was convinced that it was the best feeling in the world. “I’m just really happy right now,” she breathed. “It’s Christmas, with our friends, and you...It’s everything I could want.” 

Mat gave the softest smile. “You, with me, right now? That’s all I could want, Cass.”

Dec 22. (wed)

Cass zipped her suitcase shut, double-checking that she had everything she’d need for her two weeks in Connecticut. It wasn’t a big deal if she forgot something, there was probably some stuff left in her old dresser, and her little sister Eliana was about the same size. Mat had just texted that he was almost there. Cass grabbed her backpack and suitcase, stopping for a moment to pop out the final few chocolates on the Advent calendar her mom had sent down. She closed her bedroom door, wishing a harried goodbye to Ryanne and Stella, and ambled down the stairs as fast as her bags would allow her. She didn’t want Mat to have to double-park and risk getting a ticket. 

True to his word, Mat was just pulling up when she came out of the building, waving one hand and double-checking the street was clear before flipping his hazards on and hopping out to help her put her bags in the trunk. Kissing him on the cheek in thanks, Cass slid into the passenger’s side, giving Mat a very pointed look when she saw that the first song on his playlist was Justin Bieber. “Don’t make fun of me,” he mumbled, blushing. 

“Who said I’m making fun of you?” Cass said lightly, trying and failing to hide her smile. 

They had decided that Mat would make the drive, since he was only staying two nights they had figured it would make more sense. The directions had been plugged into the Bluetooth system, and they had just made it out of the city when Mat looked over at the passenger’s seat, furrowing his brow when he saw Cass’s expression. Something was bothering her. “What’s up, babe?”

She bit her lip. “Nothing.”

“C’mon, we both decided we weren’t going to do this anymore. You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to, but I think you want to talk.”

Cass looked down at her lap. “I got a letter from the company that’s handling my student loans.”

“I thought you didn’t have any debt?” Mat asked quizzically.

She let out a single, humorless laugh. “That was for undergrad, and that was only because I was really, really lucky. I got some money from the school and I worked some, but that only covered about half of my costs? A little less?” 

“Which leaves you with how much?”

“A hundred and ten thousand dollars, give or take. They were sending me the payment schedule, I have to start paying it back late next year.” 

Mat breathed out. He knew that Cass didn’t come from money, but being from Canada and not having gone to college himself, he wasn’t really aware of just how debilitating student debt could get. “Do your parents know?” He asked gently.

Cass picked at a loose thread on her scarf. “Yeah. They helped as much as they could, but there’s three of us and they’re not made of money. “I, uh,” she paused briefly, “I told you I went to private school, yeah?” Mat nodded. “Catholic school doesn’t come cheap, so I was actually on work-study at my high school, which helped a lot. But I hated it.”

“Your school?” He questioned. 

She shook her head. “No, I loved my school. It was great. I just hated feeling like a charity case. My school’s in a pretty well-off neighborhood, so most of the families there had money, and some were like proper ‘old money’ New Englanders. I had some great friends and nobody ever really outwardly was an ass about it if they knew, but still…” She trailed off.

“You felt like you never quite fit in.” Mat finished.

She nodded. “It was hard and it sucked sometimes, but that’s just how it is, I guess,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. 

Two hours later, Mat pulled into Manchester, following Cass’s directions down the winding roads and corners of her hometown. “Do you think they’ll like me?” He asked nervously, eyes flitting between Cass and the road in front of him. 

Her brow furrowed. “Who? My family?” Mat nodded. “My family’s going to love you. You’re kind and you treat me with respect. That’s all they’ve ever wanted for me. And my brother already worships the ground you walk on, practically,” she added with a smile. 

“He’s a junior, yeah?” 

“Mhm,” she responded. Cass’s younger brother Noah was a junior in high school, and one of the best players on his club hockey team. Hockey didn’t run cheap and he had been lifeguarding the past few summers to pay for it, but it was all starting to pay off and he was having some interest shown by college scouts. 

Mat pulled up beside the curb in front of her house, killing the engine and shoving the keys back into his pocket. Cass popped the trunk and took her backpack, while Mat got his duffel and her suitcase. She reached for his hand as they walked up the driveway, giving it a reassuring squeeze as she rang the doorbell. 

“Cass!” Eliana squealed, hugging as much of her sister as she could manage around the bags. “Put your bags by the door, Dad’s grilling out back and I think Mom’s making your bed.” Mat had had an afternoon game and the two had left not long after, so it was dinnertime and Cass was ravenous. “Grilling in December?” She questioned. 

Eliana shrugged, closing the door behind them. “You know Patrick, you go be the one to tell the man he can’t make burgers in the winter.” She turned to Mat, also greeting him with a hug. “You must be Mat, Cass talks about you a lot.” 

Cass swatted her. “El!”

Mat chuckled. “Yeah. Mat Barzal, nice to meet you. Good things, I hope?”

“Only the best,” Eliana said, leading them through to the back porch, where her dad was grilling on the patio while Noah was doing sprints up and down the lawn. He almost fell when he spotted Cass and Mat, causing Mat to have to hide a laugh behind his hand. Her dad turned around, setting the spatula down when he saw them. Mat swallowed, sticking out his hand for a shake. “Mat Barzal, sir.”

“Call me Patrick. Good to meet you Mat, go get settled and we should have dinner ready in a few, okay?” Mat nodded. “Noah, pick your jaw up off the floor and go help them with their things, okay?” Noah ducked his head, brushing the dirt off his shorts before jogging over to where Mat and his sisters were on the porch. 

“Do I hear my Cassidy?” Cass could hear her mom inside, walking down the hallway with Noah and Mat before she ran into her by her old bedroom. “It’s me, Mom!” Cass said excitedly, hugging her mom. Mat initially went for another handshake, but she shooed it away, embracing him. “We’re huggers in this family,” she said by way of explanation, pulling away after a moment. “Ysabel Cabrera, so nice to finally meet you, Mat.” 

Mat smiled. “It’s great to finally meet you too.”

Ysabel pointed down the hall. “Noah’s got bunk beds, so you’ll be with him in there, it’s the last door on the left. Cass, I trust you still can find your room.”

“Yes, mamá,” Cass said, rolling her eyes. “See you in a few, chou.” He kissed her on the cheek, under the watchful eye of her mom, and followed Noah down the hall. 

---

Two hour later, Mat and Cass were cuddled together on the living room couch, his arm slung around her as they half-watched reruns of Parks & Rec. “D’you just want to do presents now?” He asked, looking down at her. “Because I know we’ve got plans tomorrow, and I don’t see how it really matters if we’re not going to be together Christmas Day.”

Cass looked up. “Uh, sure, if you want?” 

“Meet you back in a minute,” Mat said, hopping off of the couch and disappearing down the hall. Cass rolled her eyes, walking into her room, grabbing the envelope, and returning to the living room. Mat got up when she entered, proudly handing her a surprisingly well-wrapped present. 

“You look very pleased with your work,” Cass noted, laughing. 

“I watched a Youtube tutorial,” Mat admitted, “but did you know that there’s so much that goes into folding neat corners? It’s practically an art!”

“I’ll take you word for it,” Cass said, handing him his envelope. “Open yours first.”

Mat sat back down, running his thumb through the flap and pulling out a coupon. He looked at it quizzically for a minute. “Beer delivery?”

“Craft beer delivery,” Cass corrected pointedly. “Because I don’t want you to have to resort to Natty Light ever again. I saw your fridge, it’s actually the worst. You need taste, babe.” Mat snorted. “And they deliver to Canada, so you don’t have to worry about missing out on the offseason.” 

“I love it, pretty girl,” Mat said, kissing her. “Now open yours.” Cass carefully popped the corners open, unfolding the wrapping paper. My Beloved World - Sonia Sotomayor. “You said once that you really admire her, and I didn’t see it on your bookshelf, so I thought you’d like it.”

“I do, I love it. I love that you remembered even more,” Cass added. 

But Mat wasn’t done. “Open it,” he said expectantly.

Confused though she was, Cass opened the cover of the book. “It’s...signed? She said softly, reverently tracing her fingers over the inscription. 

“Yeah.” Mat went on, explaining, “I found it in this little bookstore in Brooklyn, and knew I had to get it for you. Knew what it would mean to you.”

“It’s incredible. You’re incredible. I can’t believe you’d do something like that for me.” 

Their foreheads touched. “Why wouldn’t I?” Mat whispered. “It’s for you.” 

And in that moment, there was nothing anyone could do to take away how happy that made her feel. How happy he made her feel. 

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

Ultimately in general, do you think Paul is into men? Or like do you think he tried something with guys?

(I just wanna take 2 seconds to say that ive been taking painkillers recently, and although they’re pretty mild, they still leave me a bit disoriented. So if im talking utter rubbish - that seems out of the ordinary to usual nonsense - that might be why)

In my ever so humble opinion, I don’t think Paul is bisexual/gay, and ill outline my main reasons for believing he is straight:

1. Paul has stated that he is straight, and has never claimed to be bisexual/gay

Paul has been known to lie in interviews, and with him being an 80 year old man, whose been married 3 times with children, and is one of the most iconic, beloved and respected figures of the 20th century, it is understandable why he might want to keep his bisexuality concealed (assuming that he is bi). Its a lot of pressure to put on one person - and if you include the addition of him having a relationship with John, thats even more pressure. If he were to reveal he had a relationship with John, he would be all alone in that declaration, because of course John is not here to stand with him. Plus, he’d be changing the entire narrative to the Beatles breakup; and id assume that if him and John did have a sexual/romantic relationship, there must be parts that were messy, and mean-spirited. We know how dark the breakup was, even without the involvement of sex/romance. Paul tends to resist talking about heavier subjects, so I think an interviewer would have a lot of trouble discussing sexuality with Paul. So of course its possible Paul could be lying, and he has a reason to; but I do think that his word is worth something, and the fact that he has never identified himself as being bi is still something worth accounting for. It doesn’t have to be end of every discussion concerning Pauls sexuality, after all, there were times John appeared to claim he wasn’t bi, but its still just a factor to consider.

2. The lack of rumours concerning Pauls sexuality

When it comes to John, we have the word of several people to account for his sexuality (eg. Yoko, Pete Townsend, David Bowie) - and even John’s own words validate this. Of course, John could’ve been kidding with every comment he made about his bisexuality, and I suppose it is something we’ll never know the real answer to; but I feel we have enough reason here to at least doubt and call into question Johns sexuality. But with Paul, there appears to be few people accounting for him being anything other then straight. Rumours are obviously not the most reliable sources in the world, but they’d at least be suggestive of something. I get the feeling that with John, his bisexuality might have been a sort of “open secret” amongst many (“John Lennon had reputedly spoken to mutual friends of his own experiments [with homosexuality]” - Pete Townsend). And perhaps Paul being bisexual is an “open secret”, but ive personally never heard anyone make that claim, so I just wouldn’t be able to say with any real certainty.

And in fairness, as a few different people have pointed out, it could just be that Paul has a great PR team - I mean, he very rarely seems to have an controversies, so it must be a pretty damn good PR team - but then again, it could also just be that there has never been a substantiated claim to Paul having had sexual/romantic relations with another man. Perhaps we’ll find out more once Paul (I hate to say) dies, but for now, we remain at a loss.

3. The evidence for Paul being bisexual overall just isn’t strong enough for me

There are things that might make me doubt my belief that Paul is heterosexual. I can see the argument for song lyrics supposedly being telling of the truer nature of their relationship (eg. Dear Boy, The Long And Winding Road, Oh Darling!, Coming Up, Call Me Back Again). Even the Lennon/McCartney breakup on a whole shows a profound emotional turmoil between the two, that is somewhat evocative of a breakup between lovers. And then of course, there are the looks and off-hand remarks that maybe tell us something about the two. But at the end of the day, none of these things are concrete enough to convince me that Paul is bisexual, or that him and John had a full-blown relationship; it just feels like speculation to me. And I think we run a danger to some extent in pointing to things like “song lyrics” as certain evidence that Paul is attracted to men (specifically, John), because the way people express and articulate themselves is complicated and messy, and somewhat difficult to comprehend. Especially with lyrics as an art form, they are not always as straight forward as we may perceive them to be. The “evidence” that I would consider the most reliable, are probably things either Paul or John have said in interviews, or anecdotes involving the two (especially from the breakup). But as I said before, its just not concrete enough for me.

As for your second question, id hazard a guess to say he tried something, at least once, with a guy. I couldn’t prove this, but I just feel like most people will experiment at least once with someone of the same sex, and with Paul being an already-progressive guy who has knowingly surrounded himself with and supported gay people for decades, I feel like at some point or another maybe he just tested the waters y’know. Like he’s probably at least kissed a guy, just to find out. But like I said, I cant prove that claim, but its just a guess from me.

If anyone has any “evidence” - I always feel a bit silly for some reason saying “evidence” when discussing someones sexuality - concerning Pauls sexuality that I didn’t discuss here, or disagrees with anything ive said, feel free to challenge me on this! I am intrigued to hear why you guys believe Paul is bi!

[doakaptan]

finally, ive lost the plot  (and became the main character so here is an episode from the 19th season)

Before you start getting into this week’s blog, I must warn you that this is mostly me recounting our never-ending slow-burning two days of spring break alongside my longing for Stardew valley while I prepare for the Tableau Vivant project. 

So when I was informed about the spring break, I thought I’d be able to at least sleep in for once and play a few games I tossed aside to focus on the second semester. (Mind you, It has been exactly 120 days since I played Stardew Valley for the last time and, my mental health has been gradually deteriorating ever since). Even though I’ve been studying here for a while, I looked over the fact that Bilkent never sleeps and successfully suppressed the upcoming projects in my mind. 

I surpassed it to the point where I mindlessly traveled to my hometown and set up my monitor without a care to the outside world. I would probably not have cared if the house was burning down as long as I got to play Stardew Valley. I was peacefully tending my crops that were made out of 3 pixels at most when it dawned on me that I had yet to choose a painting for the tableau vivant project. I already had a few paintings in mind so it was not that much of a hassle to choose out of the ones I picked.

WelI, I was so sure that Rene Magritte’s Portrait of Stephy Langui wouldn’t get picked that I didn’t mentally prepare myself to create such set.

First of all, I am aware that we kinda had  21 days to prepare and shoot the footage but, hello this is Bilkent and I like making everything hard for myself so I had 2 midterms to attend, a few interviews aligned and a lot of hearts to steal. So yeah I did not work for 21 days straight (it would probably be better for my mental health if I did but I digress).

So yeah here I am in the middle of a breakdown because I realized that I have only a week left to prepare for a piece like this and I did not find a way to achieve the perspective or make the people or find a model. At that point I did not have anything but my phone and oh- ITS CAMERA IS BROKEN. I did what a mentally okay and ready person would do and cried for a whole day until it backfired and determination bloomed in the pits of my stomach. I was also playing Stardew Valley during my mental breakdown so I knew exactly how long I cried until I passed out.

Here’s my wedding in the game. I was in the middle of the introduction when I passed out so I kinda missed the entirety of it but at least I have a picture of my last sane moment. 

While I was unconscious I had this weird dream about the game’s carpenter (which is funnily enough the mother of the npc I married). She told me that I was good at making wooden furniture and if I were to focus on it for the project I would have a solid starting point. My father told me the same thing a few days prior but, he is not a hardworking carpenter nor my game husband’s mother so I had no reason to listen to him. 

(Also a little background information about me for contextual reasons: I am good at wood work because at one point, out of sheer frustration at the interior design and architecture department here (eskişehir) I started making couches and mini-sets out of wood.)

I woke up the next day knowing what I was going to do. 

I had exactly 6 days to make up for all the procrastinating I’ve done so the first thing I did in when I woke up was to go out and look for a rock. It had been non-stop raining for 2 days and when I went outside the rain became even worse than it was before. So I did the obvious thing and dove into the muddy field of a random construction. The rock is great though I’m glad I was Shrek enough to find it.

Also here is a picture of the dogs that watched me find my inner Shrek:

The rock was the hardest part to get it right in my opinion so I the rest came naturally. I messaged a friend who I thought would be perfect to hang from a ladder for a few times for 1.30 minutes. She happily agreed and even went as far as to study the make up and hair of the women.

So, I only had the set and the two figures left to create. I went to my father’s workplace and used their materials for the greater good. Like I mentioned I’m good with woodwork so once I got the size of my model’s head I was unstoppable. I finished the set-piece under 2 hours and went home to make the figures.

Everything came out nicely with 4 days remaining and I thought I was really done with everything.

 but the thing is.... I forgot the weather...... 

and the non-stop rain was not going to stop because I had a project I guess..

Anyways, I was mentally too deranged to care and ‘borrowed’ an Apple monitor from a university I cannot name in case of them finding me (I will return it when I’m done being sad over being poor thank you).

Here is the test shot:

It looked fine to me so I looked over the fact that my camera was broken and got to work with 2 days remaining and all the lectures fully back in action....

This project was more stressful then I imagined but I loved working on it regardless. I wonder if I would feel more at ease if I had an actual camera and not a malfunctioning broken phone camera but I digress. If I can kind of hopefully make it work on a broken camera I think I can keep up the will to work. 

The search for the paintings were a lot of fun too. I’m really interested in surrealism and overly weird settings so I was happy this was picked for the project. Hopefully I learned my lesson and in the future remember it well enough to not make a model loosely hang onto a ladder for dear life  and risk a lawsuit...

For future reference... crying and… stardew valley.......helps...... a lot…. 8/10….would recommend..... also.....would recommend........ crying enough to pass out and have a enlightening conversation with a 3 pixel carpenter.

[btsandvmin]

Collection of asks 2 - BTSandVMIN

I had to make a second one because the length of the first one was getting way too long. If you are curious about some of my older asks here is the link to my first collection post - Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN

I have this post because I feel some of the asks I answer are worth saving, for me personally, and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want to put them all in my Masterpost where I want to keep it a bit more structured for my longer posts and analysis. So for asks that are more about answering specific questions or about general things or my feelings I will put them here.

Asks are written more in the moment than my usual posts, so they might be less accurate as it’s all mostly from the top of my head. The newest ones will actually be on top, and then they will get older going down the list. I’ll update it regularly as I answer more asks. :)

Look at jhope's interaction with maknae line

Sorry for spamming with asks

You're so right about how any ship can be possible if you focus on it

I reject any idea of a couple being pushed to protect another 

What do you think of vmin’s busan forehead kiss?

About tae changing the choreo of fake love

What do you think of that famous ji/kook trip together ?

"Friends" doesn't speak about a friendship to me and the title seems like a way to "hide" the true meaning. Thoughts?

I honestly do feel his "best" friend is only ever needed when it's convenient to him

When j/k wore matching shirts asked them something like are u guys dating Its so differnt from his rn to vmin

Looking at th and jm for what they are or represented to be their bond shouldn't be taken at face value. Just reminding that jealousy amongst bandmates do exist

Jimin kissed tae on the pretext of kissing tanny. tae blanked out for a few secs after that

Jin in Jimins Festa profile this yr called Tae his "Bf" and then the next word is "best friend"

I dont think vmin or any other ship in bts for that matter are in any form of relationship right now.

Kind of agree with vmin not spending much time together outside of work & things they do/say barely even give off that "possibly a couple" vibe in general

IF feelings are involved, who do you think fell first and why? 

You already said that you ship them, but do you think that they're real?

I found it kinda weird how jimin apparently "didn't know" 4 o'clock was inspired by him

Have u seen that one radio interview in the past Th openly called out jm for liking men? 

We never see them hangout tgt I mean we have seen ji/kook tgt more often and tae with his wooga squad

What did you think about jimin playing the video game using tae's acc while the latter looked from behind?

When tae posted 'lets keep going for a long time i only have u' they probably only knew e/o for about 2 yrs and now we also know that at that time they still argued and fought with e/o alot. Yet they felt so strongly for their frienship.

What are your thoughts about tae choosing " my time " to recommend it to a non army.

If we look at their personalities tae is more of introverted and shy these days while jimin is more outgoing and loud. But when it comes the them jimin is always the one who seems cautious

Is it my imagination or is Jimin VERY loud lately? I feel like the roles have somehow been reversed.

The timeline of the dumpling incident really confuses me. 

Why do i feel like vmin dont hangout outside of work anymore

Just read your ji/kook vs vmin post regarding festa and I agree. you can tell that jm gets very serious when it comes to tae

A possible sexual relationship between Jimin and Tae. I've seen subtle hints where this might be happening behind the scenes like the recent bang bang con

Whenever joon says stuff like 'what a nice friendship/bcoz he is your friend' vmin have a very neutral or blank face

When do you think their friendship turned into something more?

Did u see how tae coloured jimin's name on the soft board with purple. 

Jimin recently in this festa says jk is his soul brother

Nj nearly always tries to underplay vmin's bond.

Sweet Night: “Sharing my fragile truth That I still hope the door is open Door' 

I feel like jimin was reluctant to talk about the dumpling incident probably bcoz it involves him getting drunk?

Your opinion on the whole "that's smth a couple would do" "you two look like a couple" for ji/kook vs "it's cause he's your friend "

What ur opinion is on the new kdrama that is based on homosexuality. 

Tae has many a times mentioned wanting to have kids or wanting to be father.

Taehyung has always talked about having a family, children and wife etc. 

I personally feel the maknae line in general have been advised not to do lives alone tgt bcoz of the intense shipping

I spend hours reading your posts and I could never get tired of it

I have a doubt about vmin  recently V is so close to JK it seems like V avoiding jimin

Taehyung talked about the movie Call Me by Your Name and its soundtrack

I honestly like how unpopular vmin are.

Let's say JM and TH have other partners - do you think said partners would be okay with a whole song of vmin declaring each other as soulmates? 

In the end there is no moment that is unique to a ship. do you agree?

Some vlives are arranged by the company and sometimes members themselves when the find free time they go live. 

What was the point of making a decision tght to come on vlive tgh infront of the fan to then not do it?

It cant be the company stopping v and jm from doing a live can it? 

Do you the think the reason vmin dont do vlive is because taehyung's feelings are one sided?

Theory on a possible reason on why vmin has not gone to do a vlive on their own for so long?

On bon voyage 3 j hope mentions how v and jk were hugging each other in their sleep.

Ji/kook is obvious (ear nibble) and Tae reacting blank to Vmin moments

But why they dont have funny bro handshake like v/kook?

You are so delusional like seriously how do you function in real life

You know how vmin called eo soulmates. The term can also be taken in a platonic way too right

If there’s a real ship in bts, can you give me your opinion on who?

Tae kissing jimin's cheek after they won an award in some music show (About ship edits)

I think vmin is real. Can you do a Sweet night analysis because in my opion the song dosen't match with the drama

Why are you a Vmin shipper if you don't think Jimin is gay or at least bisexual? 

I don't blame V and Jimin for not doing Vlive together

You know that blurry picture of vmin in 2014?

Tae and jk seem like the members who are most non straight to u and also that jimin might be straight so then isnt it more possible for t**k***k to be the couple?

Do you think that vmin are straight?

Can you tell me what makes you think jk is not straight

Ppl connect sweet night and 4 o' clock with vmin After tae's live yesterday n i m also seeing some ppl being offended by it.

Why do I sense that Tae has more of crush on Jimin (and realized it) but Jimi is oblivious?

Will you still publish that long vmin and lgbt in korea analysis.

Even namjoon said they should go live to discuss about their song.

I dont really consider minjoon vlive as one they did themselves. it was mostly organised by the company

Maknae line avoid vlives and  its really weird that jimi would do it with rm but not tae

Shouldnt it be easy for them to go live tght than anyone else?

Tae is very reluctant or scared to do a vlive with jimin

In the past month when vmin did mention about the song they just made superficial comments

Hi 💙 do you write vmin fics?

I also feel that jm is nervous to talk about the song even though he said he will in the comeback show

If jimin doesn't go live today as well maybe we can get a vmin live?

Vmin antis say vmin are not friends irl and use the fact that they are never spotted hanging out offscreen as "proof"

Will you do a Vmin throwback - 2019?

Can we even be considered delulu anymore for thinking not all of this is a coincidence?

Sweet night doesn't really fit the couple relationship in the drama

What do you mean when you say 'not being delulu'?

I dont know why after listening to sweet night i feel very nervous?

Maybe the lyrics to SN are very well just about the drama/webtoon.

Do you think the songs lie and stigma are related ? 

Namjoon talking about Friends 2 - Making excuses

Namjoon talking about Friends 1 - Can’t write about them

About the “Hello my alien” line in Friends

Do you think they gone do fansing this period of promoting?

Jm said when he wants to make and gift a song if he finds someone he loves and he actually helped write n produce the melody of chingu

Omg Ive been crying over the vmin song lyrics ever since they came out.

Thoughts about the song and what you took out of it

Its not a light hearted thing to call each other soulmate

This kind of debunks the christmas song theory… i feel sad like they are commercialising their friendship

Jimin is partly involved in the making and it will be about Jimin and Tae’s bond

I fear that vmin will become the next larry 

Chrismats song, smile awards. Arent those awards previously decided and even the words written for them by the company?

I was wondering if you're going to write something about bv4 and all the vmin we got there

Do you think that vmin say they love each other truly or for fan service?

Recently i watched a vkook video to compare

Do you know how exactly vmin met?

Whenever I do get the chance to focus on Vmin it’s usully one of three things

At the airport Tae had his arm around Jimin's shoulder but removed it quickly when they arrived in front of the cameras.

I don’t care if people don’t ship Vmin romantically. But with Vmin doing things like this you can’t really blame us if we do.

I got a looooot of asks on the Christmas song and I will adress the ones I have left all in one go

The reaction in bv was probably cause he wants to visits there and jm got there first

Vmin talked about tannie and how they went to visit tannie at tae's parents house

Just do it how you feel comfortable, we are waiting for your analysis

What video is the gif you post with this : Jimin and V talking about going to the Sapporo snow festival and playing in the snow together 

This break was an opportunity for them to be around other friends and family so maybe they just wanted to spend this time apart

Do you really think vm are soulmates? Sometimes i feel like we might be over using this word for them 

Once again thank you for all the asks you send! And also sorry for not being able to keep up and answer them all. I’ll try to answer some old ones as well whenever I can, and I will keep adding some of them to this list. I hope you found something interesting. Thanks for reading!

[rigginsstreet]

thinking about how billy probably had no genuine, real, healthy intimacy with anyone, boy or girl and wow, that is depressing

i was thinking the other day about how dacre clowned us all in the pre season 3 interviews about how we were all gonna be satisfied with billys outcome and how he was happy about how things turned out and bitch like WHAT is satisfying about watching a kid die after spending years living under an abusive father, closing himself off to the world as a direct result of his trauma, not having a single person in his life care about him as a direct result of THAT like... ive been depressed for 6 months straight

[yeoldontknow]

catch up tag 🌸

tagged by beautiful angels @chillingtae and @yoonia to do this catch up tag. thank you so much loves! i hope you guys are having a happy friday <3 <3

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

kat is fine! i introduce myself to people as kat. if youre using my full name youre either upset with me or a member of my family lmao

2. when is your birthday?

jan 23

3. where do you live?

nyc

4. three things you are doing right now?

working (waiting for one of my systems to load which has been bogged down and super slow lately), listening to my spotify release radar (which is....not great today im disappointed), mentally drafting lines and description for the next hero chapter as im in the mood to write today but im absolutely not in a romantic place lmao

5. four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

uhhh ill list fandoms ive written fanfic for! kpop (obviously), merlin, muse, and supernatural (but like really specifically supernatural seasons 2-5)

6. how has the pandemic been treating you?

i mean....50/50. my company is amazing and i know im super privileged. ive been working from home since the end of february and corporate have been extremely generous (giving us additional time off, mental health days, extending summer fridays until end of 2021, compensating for home office needs, restructuring work from home policies to accommodate parents). i got a bonus in june in place of my raise due to financial tensions but was confirmed for another promotion next year - even was offered a new job, literally straight offered didnt even need to interview, to create my own team in a different department. i have a roof over my head and food on my table. my family is healthy, my parents are retired and safe. like...im so so so grateful.

mentally and emotionally and creatively...i am struggling. a lot of my inspiration for fics comes from being out in the city and observing people and their interactions. even architecture inspires me. the act of moving through a city inspires nearly all of my fics (like..i think everyone can sense that lmao asas is in london, light sakura is tokyo, all quiet is movement through spaces, hero was inspired by a building in harlem). not having that kind of motion and observation has made writing really hard. and also just...the news and the onslaught of hyper-reality. its been utterly daunting and ive found myself completely burned out more this year than ever before. usually my burnout hits during new years or the holidays. ive spent part of summer and part of autumn and literally all of november just...vacant.

so yeah. 50/50

7. a song you can’t stop listening to?

Flexibility of Mind - GRoost

8. recommend a movie?

Summer Wars (2009, hosoda mamoru)

9. how old are you?

31

10. school, university, occupation, other?

currently employed at a major company in the arts & entertainment industry

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

cold!!!! its so easy to warm up and bundle. who doesnt love cozy socks and hoodies and slippers <3 <3 its so hard for me to cool down in the summer and i hate sweating lmao

12. name one fact others may not know about you?

uhhh i worked in music supervision while getting my masters and the two degrees i have do not necessarily relate to the work i do now lmao

13. are you shy?

i can be. im definitely introverted and find other people to be way, way more interesting than i am. i enjoy listening to people talk about their passions and what interests them, and this also means that i dont say much or say anything at all about myself, really. im not usually the first person to engage in a group or even to introduce myself first to someone unless i get the sense there is someone uncomfortable (with the energy, the topic, the setting, etc) and then i will put myself in a position of leadership to make them feel safe

14. preferred pronouns?

she/her !

15. biggest pet peeves?

people who react rather than respond to criticism or confrontation; people who instigate drama; really loud groups of people on public transportation

16. what is your favorite ‘dere’ type?

i dont believe i have one

17. how would you rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be?

ill say like...8

18. what is your main blog?

this one - yeoldontknow

@yeoldontknowiread is for ficrecs

20. is there something people need to know about you before they become friends?

i can be pathologically secretive in that i dont really talk about myself or what my day has been like or what im up to unless something happens that is exciting or interesting. being an introvert also means that my regard for our friendship will define it as something sacred and i will likely be more devoted (though quietly so) than you might be if youre an extrovert. im really passionate about things and if i sense that you are not as passionate about those same things i will likely not bring them up again unless i feel like you want to hear about it. it might take me a while to respond to texts or messages, but it doesnt mean i love you less. there could be long periods of inactivity in our friendship but if someone else asks me about you i will say i love you and you are special to me and will call you a close friend even if its been years since weve last talked

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @jamaisjoons @j-pping @yeolville @loeybeans @ditzymax @imdifferentshadesofpurple @red-exo @iris-somnia @inkedtae @yeojaa @hobi-gif @sahmfanficbts @snackhobi @delhyun @yutacrush @nunchiwrites @blackberrykai @kimtaehyunq @jiminiethot and anyone else who wants to do this. i know i tagged a lot of people but really i just want to check in on you and see how youre all doing. as always please only do so if you wish <3

[uricl]

NEW POST ( 2/19/2020 )

I hung out with him one night a few years back. He is very conscious of his reputation and goes out of his way to act gentlemanly. He’s funny and makes a lot of jokes in person. I would say more but don’t want to reveal who I am as I’m still close with some members of his team.

He made a joke about his dick size and then profusely apologized (again - super self conscious about his reputation), let us wear his sunglasses in the club, sang along loudly to his own music on the radio in the car, laughed at all our jokes too. He’s a goofball for sure. It’s funny all the guys with the worst reputations have been the nicest in person and the guys with happy-go-lucky reputations are the worst (ahem, Kid Cudi…)

It is true he was doing cocaine in front of Royalty. His friends do drugs around her but Nia didn’t file a protective order that I know of. She was blackmailing him for more money. Nia smashed most of his friend and a few other famous celebs before running off somewhere.

He is just complex asf..especially since he had another baby. Right now he refuses to hang with any other girl that isn’t Nikia.

I met Uriel when I lived in Miami…he got his friend to get my number for him at LIV. We hung out for maybe three months, and most of the time we didn’t do anything sexual honestly. He would just invite me over to watch movies or something. I think he’s really lonely. He also does a shit ton of ketamine, lean, and cocaine. This was during the time when he was dating nika…I didn’t know about her but then again he is uriel cain so I assumed he was messing around with a ton of girls. He doesn’t like using condoms…I’ll tell you that.

He has a million arcade games in his house and he has racks of clothing everywhere (in the halls, in the kitchen, in the living room) you can barely walk around. But overall he was actually…sweet. Respectful. Always made sure I was taken care of. We kind of just fell off because he’s a totally different person on drugs

🔴 WE’VE GOT THE TEA FOR YOU.

his family has been trying to get Uriel some help for a long time. His issues are deeper then being immature he has SERIOUS dark issues.

i have specific details about his abuse. It wasn’t normal spankings. One instance that I this person gave me is that his stepdad took his head and slammed it into the wall. The person I knew said that he was severely abused and that his step father used to lock him in closets whenever he was upset.

He once admitted a few years back that he “lost his virginity” at 8 years old to a 14 year old girl. The fact that he willingly admitted it to the world proves that he thinks there was nothing wrong with a 14 year old sexually assaulting an 8 year old.

His stylist says he hardly eats. I think that’s bad since he does cardio and dances frequently but I’m not sure.

My friend who works for Uriel always stresses that he is by far the nicest and warm hearted people to work with. He has helped my friend with so much financially and emotionally. He’s provided opportunities to my friend when he was struggling and I know that he has helped many of his employees with financial stuff and with there kids schooling.

Ive always thought he has BPD but who knows for sure. He’s diagnosed as bipolar and has a severe case of PTSD. But maybe being bipolar mixed with the issues he has and self medicating with cocaine/crack has something to do with that. Im pretty sure he’s a pill popper (xan) too based on what this person was telling me.

Uriel never wanted to be a musician he actually wanted to play basketball professionally.

Also Uriel hit his mom as an adult not a child.

Uriel took both of those girls around his family alot. Im not sure about this since I didnt ask. Uriel’s mom loved Zhara (who did spoil his family especially the kids and his mom) and hated Avery.

Uriel can be one of the nicest and friendliest people, per everyone I’ve known that knows him (NOTE: this does not negate the facts of his abusive and poor behavior). There’s a reason he still has so many friends and supporters in the industry and in his private life; when he’s straight, he’s a pretty decent person at heart. But dealing with anybody with his kind of demons is scary and unpredictable. Some legitimate Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde shit. Untreated mental illness mixed with teenage fame, constant public criticism, some enabling in his circle, and drugs will do a hell of a number on a person.

The tea on lipstick alley may have some truth to it, Uriel entourage and even his family as a history of spilling his most inner dark secrets to TMZ, TSR, and many other gossip blogs to collect a coin. It doesn’t matter how many of his cleaners he sends in to clean up the threads/post on him it doesn’t matter. Uriel is an extremely private person for a reason, and sadly the public will never get much of a chance to see the true Uriel. His life has been nothing but a struggle since the day he was born, his problems have always been existent. Zhara WAS NEVER the cause of his problems and his family will always love her to pieces and he still loves her as a friend until this day. But I supposed Uriel was born to be just a handsome tragedy. The only reason why Uriel still as a career is because of Deleon, if it was for him Uriel’s fame would have burnt out a long time ago. Uriel blames his mom for the many issues he has now, how would you feel if your mother just stood by and watched her new husband beat on you? Yes, Uriel has a big-heart, yes he is kind and generous, but untreated mental illness mixed with teenage fame, constant criticism, along with enabling and drugs will do a toll on a person.

NEW POST ( 12/7/2018 )

Leilani Uriel’s former fling did an interview with TMZ and spoke about her relationship with the singer. She said the two were very close and could have been something more if she didn’t step away from him. She said women who have petite and have more oriental features or small features seem to be more attractive to Uriel than most girls with an average body shape. Even though Uriel as fucked woman outside of his type those are the type of woman he tends to go for more. Uriel requires all of his girls not to be a homie hopper’s, have a big mouth and run to blogs, and at least spend time with him for at least 3 weeks. But for the three weeks you spend with him he will spoil you with trips and constant shopping. Uriel loves woman that have something going for themselves but still want the help of a man, Uriel likes to take care of those he’s affiliated with, so as long you don’t break the rules all will be well.

Leilani spilled the tea when it came to Winter and Uriel’s relationship and said it wasn’t what it seemed. After Winter caught Uriel in bed with another woman and attempted to fight said girl, that’s when things turned ugly. Uriel gave winter to shop with to make up for his mistake, but winter wasn’t having it and threatened to fuck Uriel’s friend Capo to make Uriel jealous. When they got back to LA a few weeks later Winter left the harem and Uriel kept a professional relationship with her just for her to come back a few days later, and then leave the harem again two days later. Uriel and Winter never had sex after the New York incident and Winter went outside of the harem to get fucked. Countless times Winter threatened to buy Uriel out of the development contract he had signed to her to, when she had the money to buy him out she did. And that pretty much ended their relationship.

[luvdsc]

hey!! it’s 🧋 anon!! i hope you’re doing well! thank you!! ive got 11 more exams this coming week so i’m a lil 🥲 and then 3 more maybe the week after? exactly! i was so paranoid in the exam like “am i suddenly smart or a grade a idiot?” but it’s comforting to know that others feel the same about tests in general 😅. i’m learning python! i know there are better languages but ehhhh it’s just high school sjdnndn. and thank you about my bias choice sjsjndn. oh no not the 10th floor 😭 i’ve heard horror stories 🤧 i just can’t get over how sweet, funny and gentle he seemed in the jolly interview 🥺. thank you!! for letting me claim 🧋! and i wish i could say the same about not knowing that it was released but i’ve legit been checking since pre-quarantine for a boba emoji bc emojipedia said it would be coming out 😭 i had to start claiming it soon bc i’m NOT letting someone take it from me 😠 (but also! look how cute these are: 🦤🦭🐻‍❄️🐈‍⬛ ). as for my regular boba order, i’m still a lil new to the boba world bc i first (finally) tried it like 2 weeks before quarantine 😭. so everytime i go to this boba place (which is hardly ever for obvious reasons) i try to get something different! bc it all seems so cool!! the place i go to has popping bubbles in different flavours! so i always try to get a different drink with different popping bubbles and regular boba. i think my favourite so far is any drink (maybe mango?) with apple popping bubbles and boba!! but i’ve also been making boba at home for agessss and i usually just make regular tea or green tea with it! 💗

awww 😭 thank you ma’am sksndjdj. i mean, you do give off very motherly energy so i’ll happily accept being a baby 🥺 awww you think my accent is cute? ms cat i’m blushing 😭🥺 oof yeah the exams are not fun™️. but like you said, it does kinda prepare us for them more but the stresssssss is 🥲😭 okay so i’ll answer these in order if that’s okay?

do you still have class going on in between these exams? i assume you mean specifically when we have exams? so unfortunately yeah😭 it depends on the teacher as to wether they’ll let us revise in lesson or if we have to do regular work

do the gcse’s determine your college field of study afterwards? kinda? i mean, colleges have a minimum enterance requrement for courses. although it varies course to course, it’s usually somewhere around the 4-5 (high c-low b) mark. but you can do any course you want at college as long as you have passes in most subjects (usually an emphasis on core subjects (english, maths and science)). (so like, if you didn’t do history in high school, but you wanted to do it in college, then you could do the course as long as you meet the courses’ gcse grade requirements).

is college different from uni? yeah! college is for 2 years and straight after high school. in england you legally have to be in education until you’re 18, so all education is free until then, meaning that college is free! (unless you want to go back to do something else later in life). uni is after college and is optional. that’s where you get things like a bachelor’s, masters and doctoral degree. usually it’s for 3 years although it can vary and you have to pay! we have a student loan system too!

don’t worry about the questions! i enjoy the differences too sjdbbdd. and oooo! here, high school is 11-16/year 7-11, then college is (usually) 16-18/year 12-13 (although we don’t tend to refer to them by years) and uni is (usually) 19-22! (although you tend to go back to that for higher qualifications).

ansnsekndj i’m sorry ms cat 😭 and for me college will start in september of next year! we finish year 11 really early compared to the other years (usually we finish in july (my birthday month!!) but in year 11 we finish the day our last exam happens! which is usually around the end of may to the start of june!) so the holiday is the longest we’ll ever have 😭. that’s one of the reasons i envy americans because the summer breaks are SO long 😭 here, they’re 6 weeks sksndn.

i hope i answered all of your questions ms cat! ily! 🐈‍⬛💗~🧋

hi, lovebug!!! 💓 i’m going to put my answers under the cut since they got pretty long 🤧

i’m doing good!! i got soo much sleep over the weekend and am well rested, so this means tomorrow’s 6 am meeting won’t be too bad 🤧 YOU HAVE ELEVEN EXAMS THIS WEEK???? what on earth 😭 that’s like 2 per day and one day has 3 aksjlhflajkdfaskdjf why don’t they spread them out??? and three more the following week 💀💀 this sounds absolutely brutal, i’m so sorry, lovebug. have you been studying for all of them? LOL yeah, i feel like something is wrong if i can just breeze through a test akjdlhsflask python is a good start and easy to understand! honestly, most codes are pretty similar tbh, so once you get a good grasp of one, it’s easy to learn the other ones :’) do you enjoy cs? 💕 aldskjfaslk yeah, jaehyun does seem like the perfect boyfriend, doesn’t he? 🤧💘 LOL i heard there would be a boba emoji, but i didn’t know if it was true or not, but woooo it’s good to know it’s finally here!! 🥳 and omg the dodo bird and seal emojis 🥺💗 those are all sooo cute!!! aslhfdlkjasd first time trying boba, i just gasped out loud 😦 i’m so happy to hear that you enjoyed it once you tried it though! 💜 omg the popping bubbles are really yummy! and i LOVE mango!!! 🤩 that’s one of my favorite fruits :’) same with apple!! omg you’re making boba at home asdjhfas i’m so jealous 🤧 i haven’t had any boba ever since quarantine started in march 😭 aaaah i loooove green tea and black tea ones :’) have you tried the cheese boba tea before? i thought it wasn’t going to be that good, but i was pleasantly surprised with the taste, like it wasn’t that bad actually. cloud tea is also really nice, too ☁️💞

akjashdlfkja you are the absolute cutest omg 🥺💖 the british accent is sooo nice like wow, you can just be reading me your grocery lists and i’m like 🤩 amazing, perfect, wonderful, never been done before. meanwhile, i’m here with some kind of american valley girl accent LOL 🤧 you shouldn’t be having that much stress at 15 what the heck 😭 i wish they would cut down on the number of exams for you because having 11 in one week is not okay at all ): and oh my goodness, thank you sooo much for giving me such thorough answers to all my questions, honey bee 🥺💛💛✨

ah, we also have classes going on during exams too, so i can relate unfortunately. it really sucks when the teachers continue to teach new material, instead of helping you prepare for the big exams /:

ooo i see!! i think it’s really cool that colleges actually show minimum requirements for acceptance. here, there’s no set criteria at all, so it’s kind of a shot in the dark. they do post the averages of past students’ grades/scores and whatnot, so we have a vague idea of what each school wants, but some schools are weird af, like my friend with a lower gpa and less extracurriculars got into stanford university, meanwhile my one friend who won essentially the youth’s version of the nobel prize and was even acknowledged by obama during his presidency was waitlisted 😬

oh wow, i wish it was like that here :o education is so expensive in the US, like student debt is the norm. do you still have general education classes in college, or is this where you can choose a specific field of study? and university is only 3 years oh my gosh wow, only three years of tuition to pay!! the US could never /: it’s like 70k/year for private universities, 5k-15k/year for public schools in state, and 15k-35k/year for public schools if you’re out of state 💀

the words “college” and “university” are pretty much interchangeable here in the US, so that’s really cool to know! years 6-8 / ages 11-13 (i think that’s the age range?) is considered middle school here, so it’s interesting to see that some of those years are considered high school for you :o

ooo ok, that’s when my school years ended too back in high school! i ended in may and started school again in august. but in uni, i started in september and ended mid june :’) ah yes, our summers are around 2-3 months, and i really miss having that now that i’m out of school 😭 only 6 weeks??? that’s so short omg i’m so sorry ): do you have anything fun planned for your summer? also, do you have prom there? 💕

thank you soooo so much, sweetpea, you answered all of my questions so nicely, and i appreciate you so much 💝💝 ily too, and i hope you have a good week ahead, angel!!! 💖🌷