kinglypup · 1 year ago
Text
i am completely miserable
5 notes · View notes
beazt · 10 days ago
Text
chronic illness rant bc I’m suffering
had to send my doc a msg directly begging for him to send prescription refills cause every other avenue of requesting refills for my meds that I need has failed for the last 3? weeks and they don’t like me sending messages directly on MyChart to ask for refills but I’m out of 3 meds and one of them is incredibly vital to the point that since ive been without it a couple days, my heart rate jumps to 140 and stays above 120 for hours if I dare do something as bold as walk to the fridge or bathroom, and jumps to 120+ if I dare slowly sit up to take a sip of my water
and ofc that comes with a lot of other symptoms such as my extremities constantly tingling/partially numb when my heart rate is high and my brain feeling like it’s inside a dishwasher and if I do such a horrid task as cough once from swallowing my food wrong, I get incredibly dizzy and weak (if I don’t straight up faint) and any time my heart rate goes over 95ish my head hurts transiently and may develop into a whole migraine and my persistent (but dynamic) hand tremor gets way worse and the list goes on
and one of the other meds I’m out of is my chronic GERD medication so I end up with a lot of that swallowing trouble and sore throat and nausea and heartburn
and the other med I’m out of is the one that helps me sleep so I’m at my body’s mercy when it comes to falling asleep, and even when I am on that med I have periods of 24-48 hours where I can’t fall asleep at all until I suddenly crash
and I’m almost out of my other 2 daily medications
and I go thru this every fucking time I need to request more refills cause the doctors office insists I do it thru the pharmacy but every pharmacy insists on waiting til my meds are due enough to be filled and then they never get the refills from my doc til I request to my doc directly
and I get 90-day fills so depending on how many refills I’m able to be given I go thru this at least once per year and I go through a different flavor of the same bullshit just getting my refills actually filled so the ~4 times I have to deal w the pharmacy always go to shit
and the pharmacy never has my meds in stock so even when I get my refills they’ll notice that when they go to fill it and then order it and I have to wait for my meds to arrive too (usually at least 1-2 days but has taken additional 1-2 weeks before) after I get the prescription/refills renewed
just GIVE ME MY FUCKING MEDS I have no choice but to rely on this system to get my meds so I don’t end up in the ER or dead and the system always fucking fails me
ER visits are inevitable if I go without my meds too long and the ER usually doesn’t do Jack Fucking Shit except send me home after a couple hours and tell me that’s smth my primary care doc will have to handle, even though my primary care doc urges me to go to the ER when it reaches a certain point and I only go as a last resort when im already beyond that point)
3 notes · View notes
aita-blorbos · 8 months ago
Note
WIBTA for leaving my team?
hi. i (15 nb) have a dad and brother who were in a space program who, along with their pilot, allegedly “died” on a mission to one of plutos moons. after getting over the initial shock and grief i started to realize that things weren’t adding up, so i did some of my own research. i got into the space base and pilot training facility to get more sensitive info i couldn’t find online, but i was caught each time and eventually banned from the premises with a promise to press charges if i returned. i wasn’t going to give up, though, and knew something was VERY wrong at this point, so i altered my appearance considerably, ran away from home and enrolled as a cadet communications officer under a false identity, using the spare time muster to gather more info.
at first i was wary of the two other cadets i was grouped with (my pilot, L (16M) and engineer, H (16M)) but they grew on me quickly enough, and eventually i started to consider them as my friends, although i still tried to keep my identity and intentions hidden from them in case they were to expose me or distrust me.
a couple of weeks ago (? i’m not actually sure how many earth days have gone by, my laptop displays a date but we are FAR away currently and i’m unsure if there is time dilation to account for) i managed to successfully start picking up unknown signals on the roof of the building at night in spots i wouldn’t be detected. i was going to just add this to my data and continue from there but unfortunately eventually my friends caught me sneaking me out and followed me up there. before i could feasibly explain myself something fell to earth VERY close by— which we determined was the pilot of the mission my family went missing on (S, (20s something M)). more than ever i KNEW they weren’t dead. the three of us took off to try and rescue him, and were intercepted by someone ELSE, (a dropout pilot, K, (16M)) who apparently knew S and wanted to be the person to rescue him from the med techs trying to take a look at him after he plummeted from space in an alien spacecraft. eventually the five of us made it out of there, and K took everyone on his low flying craft out to a shack he apparently had been living in since dropping out. K and i compared notes on the aliens and eventually the group of us located a very odd looking alien craft, which reacted to L’s presence, and to avoid the military searching for us we entered it, where it sent us halfway across the universe. we learned that THIS spacecraft were made by an extinct race with only two surviving members, who were cryogenically frozen for ten thousand years, and were apparently the only ones that could stop a different alien race, which is evil and what had taken my family.
we all eventually got assigned different spacecrafts, which were all lion shaped mechs, that could form together to make a very powerful and incredibly advanced super-mech-thing that you’d only see in comics. so, a lot to take in very very quickly.
as we’ve been fighting off the evil alien race, i’ve gained some valuable information regarding where i might start to really look for my dad and brother. as much as ive been happy to be able to help out, in the end tahts not the reason i came out here and my family has always been my first priority. recently i’ve gotten my things in order and prepared to leave before we took the next step, which would be getting off the planet we’re currently stranded on. i went to tell my team this and K told me i was being selfish and that everyone has a family they want to get back to and saving the universe would save everyone’s family anyway. i still want to leave but i’m not trying to be selfish. this was my intention from the BEGINNING even if things got very off track. they don’t know how hard i’ve worked to get here.
UPDATE: i didn’t end up leaving, but it’s been a few months (i think) and K found out something about HIS family (apparently he lied and he’s an orphan, but maybe he isn’t, i don’t know.) and now HES leaving the team to look for HIS family. also he’s part alien (specifically the evil kind). go fucking figure
9 notes · View notes
overflowchute · 11 days ago
Text
truth be told the problem with me and sleep is a combination of two things
one is that i only become properly functional late at night, so i don't like going to sleep early, because i feel trapped in an unreal state.
two is that i have adhd motivation that makes it so i don't start doing things until i'm avoiding doing something else, like sleeping. which is part of 1 but subtly different b/c it relates to how im suddenly able to do things at 1 am
three is that i have many a time laid in bed pointlessly doing nothing until i fell asleep hours later and its like staying up until 2 am except i didn't even do anything.
this is part of why i don't really want to take sleep meds though. in general ive taken them at one point in my life for a very short while, but a major element in me not going to sleep is just straight up not being in the mood for it. that's a psychological thing
...that i don't think will change until i earnestly want it to. unfortunately it may never change so long as i work a 7:30 to 4:30 shift since it always feels like too much of my day is wasted
2 notes · View notes
idealisticrealism · 2 years ago
Text
TCL 2x10 recap
Hi I loooooooved this episodeeeeeeeeee 
Many thoughts below lol
Okay first things first, I already love this song (Velvet Ring by Big Thief) and it has had many plays on my TCL playlist lol. But ugh Thony alone in the house with her critically ill son, her whole life revolving around administering those meds every 6 hours? This show loves causing me pain haha speaking of which, her IV line has not been correctly primed (to remove air bubbles) and I’m being so brave about it lol  But anyway ngl it makes me giggle a bit that this cake has apparently taken like 12 hours to make lol. Ah, stress baking. We’ve all been there. But omg wait IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY???? Aaaaaaahh I know in 2x05 he said he was ‘almost six’ but I didn’t realise he meant he was only like 2 weeks away from it!! Omg which makes me even more emotional about Thony looking back at him before she left to take the jet to Manila, knowing she might not ever be able to come back ughhh. And then they have their little birthday party, just the two of them– just like it used to be, them against the world while Marco was off doing who knows what– and ugh how hard it must be to go back to that after months of having a loving family surrounding them with Fi and the kids and even Arman? And then ugh the way she smiles at him and blows out the candles for him, even though you can see how much it’s breaking her heart to see him like this? Someone save meee
Okay holy hell I don’t know what inspired this Nadia look but I am INTO IT. We stan a stunning and badass queen. But omg the fact RK keeps all his meds in his office drawer? Seems unlikely for a guy who likes to appear invulnerable. This moment is hilarious though bc she takes a pic of the meds, but most of them are turned so you can’t even read the label? Very helpful lolllll. Of the six pull bottles in the drawer, I can only make out one name clearly, which is Ibuprofen, aka literally an over-the-counter mild painkiller, which he also appears to have been given then incorrect dose of.  He appears to be on a blood thinner which I am extremely curious about, plus something for blood pressure, which is unsurprising tbh lol, given the way he works himself up haha– and speaking of which, he’s taking something for anxiety/agitation lol (definitely unsurprising). It entertains me so much that the pill bottle appears to list the medication as ‘benzodiazepines’ which is actually the drug class, not a specific drug itself lol. Seriously, TCL writers, any chance you want to hire me as your medical advisor?? I'll do it for free!! Hell, I’ll pay you to let me do it lol. Bc as much as I loved this ep, the medical stuff was painful haha. But anyway when Robert comes in, Nadia seems to grab the pill bottle from the far end, which is literally the Ibuprofen– and he tells her they’re too strong for her. Help this is too funny. Also I’ve tried that pressure point before (did it actually help? No idea lol) but it definitely won't help rn bc he’s literally not even putting pressure on the spot? Lol. Honestly I thought he was doing this as an excuse to check her pulse and see if she was hiding something, but his fingers aren’t in the right spot for that either. Bro’s literally just sitting there tenderly holding her hand lol (not that I can blame him lol, I’d do the same). But uh oh the way he reacts to her mention of Arman running the club with her, and his “in my business we eliminate liabilities” line… yeah things definitely ain't looking great for Arman rn. Also sidenote but seriously Robert what is up with that silver clasp on your jacket you look ridiculous. Ask your bae for some style tips please lol
Ugghhhh Fi desperately trying to clean for JD, trying to feel like she’s contributing something and not just being a burden, and also trying to show her appreciation and gratitude in one of the few ways she can. ‘Acts of service’ is definitely one of her love languages ugh. Also omgggg Laura the gf is gooooone (sorry, faceless name-buddy, but I’m on Fi’s side here lol) and aaaaaaaaahhh J-Fi are being all cute and flirty and kissing and omg my ship is sailing???? Honestly this is happening waaay too quick and easy and I’m a little terrified about that, but I’m just going to ignore that dread and enjoy it while I can lol. Also poor man is going to get a crick in his neck having to bend down that far to kiss her lol. He doesn't seem to mind though, and i certainly don't either haha.  But sigh Thony couldn’t you have waited another minute on the cockblocking?? Let your girl get some, bc god knows she deserves it haha. (Ngl Thony deserves it too; hurry up and get your act together, Armony! Take some lessons from J-Fi lol). But ugh JD is just so sweet and understanding and I love him???? I love how happy he makes her. And ‘we’re not done with this’ YEAH GIRL GET IT. (Not exactly sure how you’ll go about that when you’ve got a house full of kids, but I believe in you lol)
(*Casually pretends like I didn’t just spend over an hour photo-editing a screenshot I took of the ‘The Cleaning Ladies’ banner hanging on the wall of their office so I could have a good clear copy of their logo lol*)
Aaaanyways, speaking of the office, the decor is so funny to me, with all the colourful cleaning products perfectly spaced along the walls. Like it looks cute and all but I feel that it just has to be a really inconvenient way for them to be stored when they actually need to be used?? Ngl I also have some things to say about how the meds are arranged/displayed in the clinic part as well but I’m just going to let that slide lol. But oooooh what a beautiful serendipitous occurrence that she and Arman just happen to be there ~alone~ at the same time… like hey you two, I hear there’s a free bed at the back of the clinic??? Just saying lol. But ugh I love that Arman goes from ‘oh shit better deflect quick and hope she doesn’t question why I’m here’, right to ‘wait my Thony-is-upset senses are tingling, must give ALL THE COMFORT’ in like 2 seconds flat lol. Tbh I’ll never be over the incredibly gentle way he looks at her here, or that tiny “Hey, Thony?” that escapes him when he sees her struggling to get the words out. Our boy just hates seeing her hurting ughhh. And then finally he reaches for her just like in 1x06– hands not quite touching her, letting her decide whether to accept his embrace or not– and ugh she steps straight into him, her head pressing against his chest as she cries. And honestly I am obsessed with the fact that she only breaks down like this in front of him?? Even with Fi, she works hard to keep herself fairly together– her voice shakes and her eyes get shiny, but she doesn’t cry, and she’s often the one reassuring Fi that it will all be okay. But with Arman she doesn’t have to hold back, doesn’t have to be the strong one. For those brief few moments, she can just let herself be the one being comforted for once, can let herself simply sink into the comfort of his solid body as he holds her, his cheek resting against her head as he promises her that she’ll get through this. Tbh given that we can’t see her right hand, I’m going to headcanon that it’s in between them,  gripping the edge of his jacket and holding on tight because she can’t actually hold him– not when she (mistakenly, obviously) thinks he’s Nadia’s once more. Which is a big part of the reason why she pulls back again before too long, all too aware of all that’s standing between them, forcing her to have to put up her walls again ugh. Ngl I love how carefully he held her though– in 1x06, he couldn’t stop himself from holding her face, from looking at her mouth, making it clear to her how much he wanted her. Now, they’re obviously both already fully aware of that, just as they’re aware of how complicated things are, and so he keeps his hands only on her back, his grip light, letting her pull away when she’s ready. Though lbr after the shit that these two have been through lately, they both need like an hour-long hug lol (damn I should have pitched that to the writers for the finale lol)
Poor foolish Arman was really hoping he was going to get outta there without her asking him again what he was doing lol. Too bad,  buddy. But ugh you can see him considering the idea of lying to her and keeping her in the dark about his plans– like he did with Nadia in S1 about the gun deal/Mexico stuff etc– but he can’t. After 1x05, he and Thony don’t lie to each other anymore, and so even though he knows she won’t approve, he still tells her. And okay I know that this scene has caused a lot of contention in the fandom– and a lot of hate for Thony, which I’m sad about– but I’m going to come right out and say it: Thony is right, and Arman is wrong. Now before i go any further, let’s not forget that I have been one of Arman’s most vocal supporters in the fandom all season, especially when he was getting hate in the early/middle eps; these huge recaps are literally evidence of how much I love and support my boy haha. And I am still very much his supporter now, and I completely understand why he is becoming desperate to free them all from RK (see my last recap for more about that, since I feel I've already covered his perspective pretty well there). But I have to say that in this case, I am in complete agreement with Thony. So let’s see if I can explain lol.
Okay so firstly let’s talk about Arman's plan to kill RK. He intends to do it by creating a toxic interaction between RK's regular medications and the Digoxin that he just grabbed at the clinic, thus causing a seemingly-natural heart attack without ever having to touch RK. Sounds like a perfect crime! No one will ever know! It’s brilliant, right? Wrong! It’s a terrible plan literally full of flaws. And okay look, I can say with some amount of authority here that with the exact right combination of circumstances– taking into account the medication and dose used, the specific medications the person is on, their pre-existing level of cardiac function and overall health, and also like a huge amount of sheer luck– there is the chance it would work. A very small chance, but sure, it exists. In this situation, however? No way. And Thony, a fucking cardiac surgeon, knows this. Even if Arman manages to succeed with giving RK the Digoxin undetected (a huge risk in itself), then the chance of it interacting with his meds is incredibly low, and the chance of it causing a fatal heart attack is practically non-existent. Thony knows all this, and maybe if she was well-rested and stress-free (instead of sleep deprived and emotionally distraught from caring for her dying child) then she would have been able to explain it to him calmly and in a way that he'd understand. But she’s got no mental space for that, especially when her mind is immediately equating the loss of RK with the loss of Luca’s meds– aka, her only chance of saving Luca's life. Because, remember, he is DYING. Like actively dying as we speak. If that fluid around the lungs keeps building up, his lungs won’t be able to take in the amount of oxygen needed to supply his body, and he’ll go into multi-organ failure and die. And that’s not to mention that his liver is already failing– if she can’t counteract that soon with the meds, then draining the fluid won’t help. He’ll die from the flood of toxins being released from his diseased liver, much of which will invade his brain, creating irreversible and fatal damage. And okay I’m sorry I know I’m getting grim here, but I have literally watched people die from this multiple times, because once it gets past a certain point, even an entire medical team can’t help. And I don’t doubt that Thony has seen it happen many times too, and so knows exactly the horrible fate that Luca is heading towards– and yet people are really out here judging her for doing whatever it takes to stop it from happening????? Guys. Guys.
Like okay I absolutely do believe that Arman intends to get her the drugs asap (even though he did a terrible job of actually communicating that intention to her), and I'm sure that he’s confident he can definitely make it happen– but honestly it doesn’t matter.  The risk is just too goddamn high, because if even just one thing goes wrong– and based on his-less-than-airtight plan, it almost definitely will– then the meds will be lost, and Luca is dead. And possibly Arman is too, if he gets caught by RK. Honestly Arman is too blinded by his need to be free of RK to be able to see how flawed his plan is and how grave the consequences could be. He’s also blinded by the hurt and anger he feels when Thony demands “With what money? What resources?” because it makes him feel like she doesn't trust him, and that his money and connections were all that actually mattered to her– not him– and that now that there’s someone else who has far more of both, he’s been tossed aside. Which is absolutely not true (dude, she loves you, you idiot), but it still hits right on target of one of Arman’s main character flaws: his fear that he is only valued or wanted by others because of what he can give them, and that if he can no longer provide those things, then he will be deemed worthless and abandoned. It’s been fascinating to see that trait become more overt this season, but man does it lead to him making some goddamn questionable decisions lol. Ugh but anyway, I feel like I’ve ranted about this for long enough, so TLDR: Thony is right to try to stop Arman, and it’s not her fault that she didn’t necessarily handle the conversation well, especially considering it was abruptly sprung on her when she’s already practically at her breaking point because her child is dying and she is devoting every ounce of energy she has into trying to keep that from happening. Fight me on it lol
Ok this big bald guy better be careful, Thony is having the week from hell and tbh could snap at any moment haha. I think we can all assume he’s definitely there because RK wants her to know that he’s watching, that he holds the power here and that she can’t escape, but I kinda hope that it also is a little bit because he values her now and wants her (or okay, maybe his investment in her) protected from Sin Cara? 
And then oooh Nadia has a guard too (again, for protection, but also because RK is possessive as fuck lol) and I appreciate that he at least didn’t even try to stop Arman going to see her? Tbh I could have believed RK giving the order that Arman is to be kept away from Nadia, but he probably didn’t want to upset her by doing that. But omg okay hold up, Arman is making Nadia dose RK? Holy shit, this is further evidence that Arman really is acting like a cornered animal and not thinking things through, bc he would normally have never put her at risk like that. He would have used her to get the info he needed, like what drugs RK is on, and maybe to create a distraction, but he would do the risky bit himself. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you and it’s not going to come down to that” you can’t promise that!!! Your plan is so full of holes you could use it as a fishing net! And omg "just put enough of these in his drink to stop his heart" oh yeah and do you know how many that is, Arman?? Do you??? I can guarantee Nadia doesn’t! Plus there's no certainty that the drug will even have that effect on his heart!! This plan is the worst aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! But ugh at least he has actually taken clear steps to find Luca’s meds and get access to them– and omg the helpless look on his face when Nadia realises that the meds he's so determined to get are for Thony, and the way he tells her it's not up for debate?? That was hot. But see this is what he needed to make clear to Thony at the clinic, that he was actually actively in process of getting the meds and that he wasn’t going to kill RK until after he had them. Unless maybe it was their argument that made him realise how urgent the situation was and so he stepped up his meds-acquisition plans to show her that he could be relied upon and that he wouldn’t do anything that might endanger Luca. Who knows. 
Curious about why Thony did a peritoneal tap (draining the abdomen) rather than a pleural tap (draining the chest), considering Luca's abdomen didn't look at all distended/swollen, but lbr it was probably just easier to film lol. Also the ‘dressing’ she put on would be practically useless in preventing fluid leakage or the infiltration of bacteria, but whatevs lol. It was cool getting to see his Chevron incision from the surgery– ngl I’d wondered which kind of incision she’d used (oh, the things I think about lol).
Honestly I’m surprised Garrett didn’t immediately go track Arman down and bring him in the moment he saw that partial print, but I guess Russo is managing to keep him under control for now. (Since it’s at least the day after they matched the print, I’m curious about what he did when he got home– get drunk and stare at Maya’s photo or something? Or did he stay late at the office trying to find more evidence begot finally going home to crash?). But lol at his theory that Arman killed Maya bc he found out she was an informant, and was worried she would rat him out– for what, lol? Arman and Maya literally never met until the night he shot her, and he had nothing to do with Cortes’ whole cartel thing until the FBI made him get involved. Maya would have known absolutely nothing about Arman or any of his activities. Also slight sidenote but I find it so funny that they never tied Hayak’s death to him– like clearly the autopsy would have found the puncture mark in his neck, and so the next logical step is to check the camera footage for everyone who had been in the infirmary lately and might have gotten access to needles? And if they'd done that, they would have seen who had just been in there earlier for a check of the wounds he received after being attacked by inmates who were clearly hired by someone with lots of money? C'mon detectives. This is not a hard one lol. But sigh anyway, I’ll forgive this show for a plothole or two– especially one like this, because Arman getting pinned for Hayak’s murder and spending his life in jail would have been very inconvenient for my Armony shipping plans lol. But hmm ok Russo does seem genuinely determined to get RK and everyone he’s connected to, so maybe my conspiracy theory is a little crazy lol. Oh well, it was a fun thought
You know it surprises me how much I actually love Thony/Nadia scenes. There’s obviously tension there– resentment from Nadia, guilt from Thony, and jealousy from both sides– but idk, they’re oddly united by the simple fact that they both love Arman. I’d also like to think that it was a deliberate costuming choice in this scene that they are both wearing blue rn– which has been the colour most associated with Arman through the show (for Nadia it’s green, and for Thony it’s obviously red) but that’s probably just me imagining things lol. But so anyway, I love that Nadia could have had her big security guy immediately throw Thony out, but instead she wordlessly led her to the office where they could talk. Ngl though I did giggle at her ‘well that’s progress’ line when Thony said Arman wasn’t answering her calls. The snark is strong with this one lol. But ugh their argument is amazing for so many reasons? Thony begging for Nadia’s help, knowing she has no right to, but doing it anyway because there’s literally nothing she won’t do to save Luca. Nadia clearly feeling a reluctant pity for Thony even despite her anger. Thony trying not to react to the way Nadia keeps using ‘we’ to refer to herself and Arman like they’re a single unit. Nadia getting pissed at Thony for working with RK and ‘betraying’ Arman, which is exactly what Thony got pissed at her for doing only a few eps ago. Nadia clearly now believing that Thony just uses people to get what she wants and then discards them (making the point by referring to RK as being Thony’s ‘hero’ now, after having called Arman that multiple times in previous eps)– a belief which would then make her even angrier that Thony destroyed their marriage seemingly for nothing. And– maybe because of that– Nadia deliberately not mentioning that Arman is literally out getting Luca’s meds for her right now. Then there's Thony’s instant and strong reaction when Nadia accuses her of not caring what happens to Arman, and then going quiet and clenching her jaw at the genuine worry and certainty in Nadia’s voice when she says RK is going to kill Arman, and the way she then leaves without trying to argue further. And let’s not forget the fact that she didn’t actually tell Nadia that they can’t kill Kamdar, but just told her to wait. Honestly I think that once she got her hands on Luca’s meds and ensured he was safe, she would have actually helped them to kill RK (and in a much smarter way lol), and I think that if Arman had answered any of her damn calls, she would have told him that. When they spoke at the clinic she was already upset and also completely caught off guard by his plan, but she’s had time to calm down and think about it now, and I think she would have talked it out with him and come up with a joint plan that would have protected both him and Luca. But instead of that, we got some real 'Romeo and Juliet' style miscommunication happening here, and well, that’s never led to disaster, right??? Right??
Lol if I saw Arman walking through my workplace, I too would follow after him and stare at him like these two guys are hahaha. Btw where is this shipping container place? Vegas, surely, because I assume he didn’t drive the 4 hours to LA just to talk to this guy lol. Also ngl I have to giggle because it’s been literally like a couple of days since Thony was in Manila, and yet they’re all acting like the meds have already reached the States or will be arriving at any moment, despite the fact that shipping something on a freighter from the Philippines to the US would take at least 3 weeks haha. Ah, TV magic. But ugh anyway who cares about that when Arman is so hot in this scene?? Firstly there’s his annoyance at this guy disrespecting him and trying to haggle with him– something I bet he would never have even dared to attempt in the pre-prison days– and then there’s his fury about the fact that by practically holding the container hostage, the man is endangering Luca. (Not to mention that any delay with getting the meds would mean that Thony would keep on believing that Arman can no longer be relied upon to protect Luca– I mean, not that she actually believes that, but Arman thinks she does). Honestly Arman is probably relieved to have the chance to let out his anger on someone (he could have literally just pulled his gun on the guy, but he chose to get physical haha), and unlike that asshole guy he beat for RK in 2x05, he’s doing this for himself. Ugh I have missed Big Bad Mob Boss* Arman (*with a secret heart of gold lol). I also love how useless the two musclemen were at protecting their boss haha. And then ugh his "nobody touches the cargo but me!"– he's really not taking any chances with Luca’s meds now ughhhh. I would die for him Your Honour
Nadia is crushing up pills in the bathroom and I am wheezing because a) our girl has clearly had some ~experience~ at this, which tbh is hardly surprising considering the type of party we first meet her at; and b) she’s literally got three tablets??? THREE. Three tablets of 250mcg of Digoxin (the dosage was on the bottle). That’s a total of 750 micrograms, aka LESS THAN A MILLIGRAM. For RK’s approximate weight, that’s literally considered a normal therapeutic dose. You know how much Digoxin it generally takes to create a severe acute toxic reaction? Usually more than TEN milligrams, but at the very least more than 5mg, unless someone has some pretty significant health issues and just happens to be having some REALLY shit luck that day. And as far as I could determine from his meds, the only thing RK was taking that has any potential to interact with the Digoxin would be the Benzos, but he takes a low dose and likely only uses them as needed, which means he probably hasn’t got any in his system currently. And hey, again, you know who would have known all this? THONYYYYY.  Like I’m sorry if I’m ruining the very serious moment of Nadia putting her would-be ‘murder weapon’ into her cleavage in a folded up $20 lol but I just can’t deal with any of this at all hahahahaa
Ooooh Thony meeting with Garrett in the carwash, so clandestine haha. And tbh I’m actually impressed that he manages not to immediately give away that he knows about Arman and Maya, and about Thony likely lying to him, especially when the first thing she does is ask him for yet another favour lol. But holy shit she just comes right out and says that Arman is planning to kill Kamdar? Ngl that caught me off guard (I want to google if it’s technically actually illegal to make plans to kill someone– like I assume so, depending on how detailed and feasible they are?– but I don’t want to bring the feds to my own doorstep by looking it up lol). But man it really shows that Thony has come to trust Garrett– lbr him protecting Chris would have gone a long way for that– but also that she took Nadia seriously when she said that Arman was in danger from RK. Bc consider Thony's line “Arman is planning on killing Kamdar, and I need you to protect him”. Garrett takes that to mean that she wants him to protect RK from Arman, which is partly true– until she has Luca’s meds, she does still need him– but I also think that when she says ‘I need you to protect him’, she also means Arman. He needs protection from himself– from taking part in a foolish plan that could easily get him sent to prison or killed– and he needs protection from RK’s men, who could also come for him before Arman even has a chance to act on his plan. And so she asks someone she trusts– a man who is literally a trained FBI agent, and who has already protected someone she loves– to keep an eye on Arman, and keep him away from RK. I can see how some fans would call this a betrayal of Arman, but I honestly don’t see it that way at all. I see it as Thony doing the only thing she can to protect both Luca (by preventing RK’s death and the loss of access to the meds) and Arman (by literally giving him his own bodyguard). Yes, this will screw over Arman’s plans, but that’s a price she’s willing to pay– and like I said last week regarding Arman choosing to protect himself and Thony by killing Kamdar even against her wishes, her stopping him is just the same– both are a situation of “I love you enough to do what needs to be done to save you, even if it makes you hate me”. Which is why Thony is doing what's necessary to protect Arman, even if it comes at the cost of damage to their relationship and the trust between them. After all, it keeps coming back to what he said to her in 1x01: “when it comes to keeping your son [aka the people you love] alive, it’s not about doing things the right way or the wrong way, but any way you can.”  
But man this ep really is aptly named, huh? Practically every scene explores the concept of trust– Thony wanting Arman to trust her judgement and not act on his plans. Arman wanting Thony to trust that he can and will protect Luca. Arman trusting Nadia to carry out this plan with him. Nadia trusting that his plan will work. Thony trusting Garrett to protect Arman (and him breaking that trust by almost murdering him). Garrett's trust in Thony being broken by her lying to him about Maya. Fi being forced to question her trust in Thony. Like damn writers, you’re really exploring human nature here aren’t you
Lol at first I thought all these texts were from Nadia to RK, and that he had actually stood her up bc he’d figured out their plan and had ditched their dinner to go abduct Arman again. But then I learned to read and saw that the texts were to Arman. Clearly something has held him up, since he said he was 10 minutes away and the tone of her texts suggests it’s been longer than that. Also sidenote, but on rewatching I noticed that right before the shot cuts to the next scene, you can see the actor who plays RK in the background, waiting just outside the door for his signal before he starts walking into the main club area lol 
Aaaand now we know why Arman is delayed haha. Fell for the old kidnapper-hiding-in-the-backseat trick huh? Though tbh given the size of that car I think it would be very hard to miss a six foot man scrunched up in the backseat lol. Guess Arman just had a lot of other stuff on his mind haha. But daaaamn Garrett this is definitely not what Thony meant when she said to keep Arman away from Kamdar! Tbh I don’t love that they clearly split the scene of Nadia in Fastlane and put this in the middle of it, because it throws the chronological order out of whack, but I guess it created more suspense this way or whatever lol. 
Apparently Nadia managed to get off a few more texts in the 10 or so seconds before RK crossed over to her from the doorway haha. Honestly though I think I’m becoming paranoid bc when he held out the gift box I was like IS IT GONNA HAVE SOME KIND OF PROOF IN THERE SHOWING HE KNOWS SHE’S PLANNING TO BETRAY HIM?? But then it was just a matching necklace, which then prompted the thought of ‘watch out it’s a listening device!!!!’ lol. God this show has me too on edge. Also lol RK is so goddamn Extra, like he wants to take her to Buenos Aires for sunrise?? Cool just a casual 14 hour flight in a tight dress lol. Though then again maybe his whole plan is to get her out of the dress for the flight haha. Love the ‘To our new beginning’ today bc from her it's  more like ‘to your end’ lol. Honestly I have so much respect for Nadia for what she does in this next scene; like not only does she stall him for an hour to give Arman time to show up, but then when he doesn’t come, she doesn’t abandon the mission?? She makes her own distraction and then actually goes for it and doses his drink??? Like firstly omggggg girl you are literally drugging someone in a crowded area where there are multiple potential witnesses, not to mention cameras, and also where Robert himself could turn around at any second and catch her in the act?? Tbh I am now headcanoning that Sophie the waitress did actually see her do it, bc she fills up the glass literally moments later, but since Nadia has always been nice to her and RK only pays her minimum wage, she’s like ‘eh not my problem’ lol. Women supporting women, amirite?? Ngl I would totally watch a Sophie POV series of all the drama she witnesses between RK, Nadia, Arman, and Thony lol. But anyway speaking of the champagne– even once the drug is in the glass, she has so little time for it all to dissolve away???? Like did she experiment beforehand and see how long it would take?? And what about the way the medication would change the taste??? God this plan is the worst and while I am so impressed by Nadia’s bravery and her taking that risk for Arman (well, and also for her inheritance, since it makes me feel more comfortable to think that she’s doing it for selfish reasons as well as for Arman lol), this whole situation still stresses me out far too much aaaaahhh
Oh man Garrett taking Arman to the dumping spot looks so disturbingly reminiscent of Arman killing the guy in 2x04 aaaaaah. But ugh the resignation on Arman’s face– lbr he’s been waiting for this moment. Whether it was Garrett, or RK, or someone else, he’s known that this day was coming for him; that after all he’s done, he’s been living on borrowed time. I just keep thinking of the Hamilton lyrics for him:  I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. Is this where it gets me, on my feet, several feet ahead of me? I see it coming, do I run or fire my gun or let it be?  But ugh even for all Garrett’s big talk (“do you think anyone would give a crap if your body was one of [the dumped corpses]?” like uh yeah buddy, Thony would sure as hell care) his gun isn’t steady and he’s clearly trying to work himself up to the idea of pulling the trigger. Also dude it annoys me so much that he says "What I really want is to know everything about the night that you put a bullet in Maya’s head" because she wasn’t shot in the head??? We clearly see (when her body is pulled out of the river) that Arman shot her in the chest. Which is also the place that makes the most sense??? It’s a bigger target, it’s quick and clean, and there’s just no way Arman would shoot an innocent woman in the head. Ugh c’mon writers, keep up lol. I thought maybe Garrett was trying to bait Arman into correcting him and revealing he did shoot her, but it didn’t really seem like that.  But sigh anyway. Clearly Garrett needed to get all of this stuff off his chest about Maya, and the kind of person she was, and how she’s dead because of Arman– but tbh I think Garrett is also saying it to himself a little, like reminding himself that if she’d never met him, she never would have ended up in that river.  I love that Garrett is the one to bring up Thony, showing that he knows what it means to Arman that Maya saved Thony from Cortes. Garrett knows what they are to each other, which is why when Arman turns and looks him in the eye and tells him (even though he knows that Garrett might have a recording device on him that's listening to every word) that he’d had to choose between Maya’s life or Thony’s, and that if Thony hadn’t been there, then things would have turned out differently– Garrett knows that he’s telling the truth. And even more than that, he knows the impossibility of the choice Arman was faced with, which is why he lowers the gun. He later says that he never would have done what Arman did and taken a life like that, but honestly I’m not so sure, and I don’t think he is either. He didn’t hesitate to kill Cortes when Maya was potentially in danger from him, and though killing an innocent would have been much harder for him, the whole point is that the ‘rat’ in the chair was going to die no matter what, so the choice was either to kill the rat and ensure the survival of the woman he loves, or to let all three of them be murdered for nothing. Faced with that situation, I’m certain Garrett would have pulled the trigger too.
Also dude I would have loved to see what the drive back to the gas station was like, the two of them sitting silently next to each other, both dwelling on their own grim thoughts? And then ugh when Garrett tells Arman that the second he's is no longer useful to him, he will bury him? That was hot tbh. Honestly I am living for the connection developing between these two, these former-nemeses-turned-reluctant-allies, and I can’t wait to see more of them. Their relationship is so fascinating because there is so much tension and resentment and anger but there’s also a grudging respect and regard, at least from Arman’s side (because of everything that Garrett has done for Thony) as well as remorse from Arman about his role in Garrett losing the woman he loves. Ngl I dream of a S3 where Arman and Thony are badass mob bosses of their medication import business (Nadia is happily elsewhere being queen of La Habana and Fastlane, being fawned over by men and women alike) and Armony have their morally dubious FBI buddy who they feed info to about bad guys and help him put them away behind bars. Please give it to me writers, I’d do anythiiinggggg  
Okay excuse me show, you cannot just put the Armony theme music over a scene with Fi and Luca??? Firstly Luca has his own damn theme music, and secondly, don’t you know I have a very strong Pavlovian response to this specific melody lol?? That was just cruel lol
Anyway ughhhhh J-Fi are so cute with their flirting over the phone and her giddy little face, she’s like a schoolgirl with a crush omg I love themmmm
Ok honestly, I just really don’t understand how people are hating on Thony for this ep. Like she finds out Arman’s plan, and then literally the moment she is done with the procedure that Luca needs to stay alive, she leaves him with Fi while she goes to La Habana to try to talk to Arman and keep him from putting both himself and Luca in danger. But instead she finds Nadia, so she begs her to stop the plan. Then she goes straight to the one person she knows who has the best chance of keeping Arman safe, and begs him to help. And then later she literally goes to RK himself to try to convince him of how beneficial it would be to have Arman working with her on the medication importing operation, how she needs an asset like him. Like guys the woman literally left her critically ill child at home and spent the day running all over town trying to protect Arman (and ok yes, protecting Luca’s meds too, but it was never just about that). And then ugh at Fastlane when RK tries to get threatening, asking her if she’s telling him how to run his business, she stands her ground and tells him that her and Arman running the meds operation together for him was what they had all agreed to in the first place, and ugh just look at these two brave women both trying to protect Arman from RK?? Albeit going about it in very different (and somewhat conflicting) ways lol. I do kind of love that RK genuinely seems to think highly of Thony and her Badass Mob Boss potential, and wants to see her free herself from Arman, who he clearly considers to be purely dead weight. Like aw that’s nice that he’s been drinking his Respect Women (And Their Right To Do Crime) Juice lately, but shame that it comes with the side effect of hating Arman even more for the fact that he is valued and desired by these amazing women lol
So I hope you didn’t think I was done with my medical ranting because hoooooooooooo boyyyyyy I am not even CLOSE haha. Like honestly I was just going to let all of the medical stuff in this ep slide and not say anything, bc it’s TV and inaccuracies are just an inherent aspect of that, but @enigmaticfox (the little devil on my shoulder that she is) told me to go for it, and so now you must all suffer with me haha. So where to begin?? Maybe with the fact that acute digoxin toxicity is most likely to take around 2 hours post ingestion to actually start showing symptoms? Or that it is far more likely to present with vomiting and abdominal pain than sudden cardiac arrest? And oh boy I could definitely say many many things about Thony’s CPR lol, but instead I will be generous and admit that it can’t be all that easy to simulate true CPR on TV (though I have certainly seen it done much better than this on other shows haha). But I will NOT be generous about the whole "we don’t know what meds he’s on, so shocking him could kill him" nonsense lol. Important PSA to anyone reading this: if you see someone collapse from what seems to be a heart attack, and there’s a defibrillator nearby, please for the love of god put the defibrillator on them. It will literally TELL you whether their heart is in a rhythm that can be shocked or not. (And honestly even if it’s not, as long as they’re not breathing and don’t have a pulse, getting shocked anyway won’t actually hurt them– it just won’t help fix the problem at all, and will delay you resuming CPR for no reason which is definitely not what we want). So basically they 100% should have at the very least put the defibrillator pads on and checked the rhythm– and in fact, the two main cardiac-arrest rhythms caused by Dig toxicity are VF and VT, which are both shockable. But I guess the writers wanted to make it clear that without Thony there, Arman's plan would have likely succeeded and RK would have died; and that because of her choice to take actions to save his life, she indirectly condemned Arman. But dude, it just ain't that simple. Firstly, if Thony did nothing and then RK miraculously somehow survived anyway, he would definitely have her killed for not trying to save him. And though she knows that saving him means he remains a threat to Arman, he won’t be able to come after Arman immediately, meaning there’s time for her and Arman to figure out a way to get him to safety, like asking Garrett to get him put in WitSec. And maybe she’s hoping that by saving his life, RK will feel indebted to her, and will give her whatever she wants in return– which, of course, would be him sparing Arman.
But anyway, back to complaining lol. She tells the paramedics that RK is bradycardic, which literally just means that his heart is beating slowly, but she could have only known that by having felt his pulse– and if someone has a pulse, then they are not in cardiac arrest, and they don’t need CPR lol.  And her telling the medics that they need an EKG makes me feel so much secondhand embarrassment, bc like dude. They know. This is literally something they deal with almost daily in their job. But then lolllll they don’t even take his shirt off and they put on like 2 leads instead of 10 and no one asks for or gives any history of what happened or any details about RK, and someone is giving him oxygen without even holding the mask to his face (meaning the O2 is all just leaking out around the mask rather than going into his lungs) . And then Thony recognises from the EKG that he might be hyperkalaemic (have a dangerously high potassium level, which to be fair does happen with Dig toxicity) and tells them to treat it by giving dextrose– except she doesn’t mention insulin which is the other very essential part of that treatment (as in, the dextrose is useless without it), and she also mentions calcium gluconate which should actually be calcium chloride which is more appropriate in cardiac arrest. Plus these are treatments which generally happen in the emergency room, not with paramedics. Also she says that the EKG shows peaked T waves and widened QRS’s, but the actual rhythm visible on the screen (while definitely slow) actually shows normal T’s and QRS’s. And also she stops CPR because they apparently ‘got a rhythm’, and gives instructions to not shock him ‘if his heart stops again’ (which, again, is bullshit) but then she tells the medic to carry on CPR??? Girl you have literally just proved he’s not in arrest????????????  This is honestly so painful haha. And omg the way the medic acts like such a robot in following her orders, like he would have had no idea what to do otherwise? Gah. Honestly even as a doctor with emergency training I would not be giving the paramedics orders??? I would be discussing my concerns with them but I would be trusting them to do their jobs??? They literally have protocols upon protocols for this shit man. But ugh. Anyway. Nadia congratulating Thony on just killing Arman was kinda funny bc she’s clearly forgetting that now she is in danger too as his accomplice– so technically, Thony may have just gotten both of them killed. Well, they got themselves into that situation so we can’t really blame Thony tbh lol. But aaaanyway I apologise for all of that, but I guess I just have a lot of Opinions haha?  (/EndRant)
Sigh it’s a relief to see Luca looking better. And I appreciate that Fi actually checks in with Thony about how she’s doing; I feel like her own wellbeing gets overlooked a lot, except (for the most part at least) by Arman. And ugh she admits to Fi about having to make a difficult choice today which may have endangered Arman, and you can see how much it weighs on her. Fi immediately reassures her about Arman seeming to be able to take care of himself, which is a very valid point tbh. He’s a grown man who has lived in a very dangerous world for the last two decades; he’s no stranger to his life being at risk. Still, I think Thony would have trouble accepting that argument bc as we have already seen over the past 2 seasons, she’s very protective of Arman and worries about him at the best of times, let alone when his life is being threatened by someone like RK. She breaks it down so clearly though when she says that the decision today involved her being asked to choose Arman over Luca– because for her the situation was that simple. Letting Arman kill Kamdar to protect himself would risk losing access to Luca’s meds, which Luca would almost certainly die without; and so of course she had to choose her son– who has been her entire world for over six years– over a man who she loves, but who has only been in her life for literally about 4 months, and she honestly doesn’t even know if he will choose to stay in her life. To be totally honest, I think that just the simple fact that the decision was genuinely difficult for her to make– not in terms of knowing her choice, but in terms of acting on it, knowing the potential consequences it would have for Arman– is incredible, and shows just how deeply she cares for Arman. But lbr I’d be very concerned about any parent who did put their romantic kind-of-partner above the life of their child– like if Fi or JD had to choose between saving each other or saving Jazz, both of them would pick Jazz without hesitation, because they’re her parents. It kind of comes with the territory???
Anyway speaking of JD, he appears and is not at all happy about being manhandled by Mr Big, Bald, and Brawny. Tbh though I kind of love this bodyguard guy? Like every time he speaks you just know that there are no thoughts going on in that big bald head. He’s clearly a former boxer based on his cauliflower ears, and tbh it looks like he got just a few too many concussions lol. Honestly I would love for him to start feeling a sense of respect and regard towards Thony somehow (like maybe she helps him with a medical issue or something) and he becomes like a big ol’ loyal dog following her around haha. But anyway ooooh I kind of like that JD calls Thony out on things? I think having someone force her to look at herself and her actions is important to make sure she doesn’t disappear too far down the rabbit hole. Though it does kinda suck that he’s (very fairly) forcing Fi to be torn between Thony and the kids… but I mean, like I literally just said, she’s going to have to choose the kids, just like Thony would. But ugh when she tells Thony about the ultimatum he gave her… Thony looks so sad, because though she knows what the right choice is and will support Fi in making it, she knows it means that she will lose her entire family and be alone with just Luca once again. Tbh I’m just the tiniest bit happy that she is the one on the receiving end of this decision this time, because it might give her a sense of how it felt for Arman, and might make her be more open with him about why she did what she did and how much she wished she hadn’t had to make that decision. Ngl I have already drafted a fic where Arman turns up at her house after the events of the ep and they actually finally talk it all out and maybe also make out lol
“I’ve never had an issue with my heart” Hmmmmm are you sure you even have one, Robert?? Lol. But seriously though, one of the pills in his drawer was a ‘blood thinner’ and so that literally means that he has to have something wrong with his heart– or if not that, then a problem with blood clots, and those can obviously also lead to cardiac arrest as well anyway. So really this heart attack shouldn’t have been that much of a shock. “They checked your blood for toxins” lol like what? What funky tests are these guys running? Though to be fair, if they do take his request to test for ‘everything’ seriously, then Nadia is in deep shit because our genius boy Arman picked one of the few meds that we actually have a blood test for. And which can also cause a very distinctive waveform pattern on the EKG as well. Like siiiighhhhh have I mentioned yet how stupid this plan was???
Anyway oh mannnnn I cannot say how much I enjoyed this ep (even despite the medical ridiculousness) because holy shit literally every interaction between the characters was so good and all of them took actions that were so completely in character and ugh I am just so excited to see what happens tomorrow aaaaaahhhh
7 notes · View notes
scarletanpan · 4 months ago
Text
..
I'm starting to think theres an issue beyond being off my meds bc back from family trip a full day ago, and was in sm pain and covered w bruises on my arms and legs I didn't make it to work.. the excessive bruising is weird, I'm clumsy but theres abt 4-5 on each limb, and one on my face from my niece smacking me w a dog plushie while I was laying on the bed?? I think its bc of my glasses but Ive never bruised on my face, theres at least 2 now. also covered in giant bug bites that arent going away quickly even w witch hazel And looking into effexor since im on it and og my god. Not the list of meds u can take but dont mix well being like 100 names, every med ive taken i think is on it, both forms of adderall too. ik the symptoms that are rarer is an extensive list only for functional purposes but why am i experiencing so many of them. ik im at risk for a number of precautions when taking it, and may or not may not be experiencing symptoms related to those too
they say u should get labs on it regularly i never have but didnt know damn. a lil concerned abt the acute angle-glaucoma thing, first of all wtf i did Not remember seeing that side effect and my family has a history of eye issues. i get regular eye pain and razed two mailboxes in my parents neighborhood last year bc my vision whited out mid turn and i felt this weird overwhelming pain w pressure in one side of my head. never figured out what it was when i went to the doctor but. sudden extreme pressure on one side, close to my eyes, the steamy vision all sounds right. idk how i didnt run into this when i tried to search it up the issue before, i dont wanna assume but its raising too many red flags rn i got a brain scan but they said i was perfectly fine and, so i never followed up and it happened a couple more times multiple things arent meshing well w my family history/genetics. starting to realize the amount of physical pain and exhaustion ive been it for three months is kind of abnormal and needs a solution before i die. at least i have a starting point but like this is gonna cost money huh
also maybe shouldnt be working a job that requires staring at the road for 1-4 hrs a day and then stocking as quickly as u physically can (in theory im fucking slow). i wonder why i struggle sm i might not be physically capable rn. prob failing one of my classes this summer bc it took too long to realize this. ill try to prioritize it bc i paid money for this shit but the shame i feel from pushing back work feels lethal, i havent fucked up enough to get fired yet but atp itd be a saving grace. im so sorry to my coworkers im sure theyre annoyed and confused rn
1 note · View note
coridallasmultipass · 5 months ago
Text
Vent personal medical long post
So the shit week continues. No new painkillers, i took the last expired hydrocodone, so if im still in pain tomorrow im gonna have to cut a morphine in half and see if i can tolerate it (i took a whole 15mg one on sunday when my back pain first went out, and while it helped it was way too much painkiller and i got so nauseous. The hydrocodone is 1/3 of the morphine dose, and i dont know how to cut this tiny fucking morphine pill into 3. I dunno if its even big enough to be cut in half!!)
The specialist did get me a back xray which was normal (as expected), and physical therapy, which is good, except i can only attend if i get an appointment within 2 weeks, because after that i wont have a ride, and the distance to walk there is 2.5 miles steep downhill (fine. Ive done that walk before. It would suck because of the pain.) But coming back home after the appointment would be 2.5 miles steep uphill when im probably extremely sore and can barely walk after physical therapy (has always been the case whenever ive gone to pt) and i dont think i can fucking do 5 miles. I can hardly walk the stairs in my house. (Warned u bout the stairs dogg) The occasional 3 mile round trip that i do to go to the post office when i dont have access to a car is bad enough that it puts me out of commission, especially bc its all uneven terrain no sidewalks.
I tried calling anyway and its voicemail so theyre probably at lunch right now. But it still sucks. Im so fucking tired of this.
I hate having to rely on other people - doctors or family. I hate having to make and attend so many appointments. And im not even fucking doing everything i need to. I saw this pt place has pain management (i didnt think there was any in this area so i gave up on that) so i can try asking for that too, but again, thats more appointments i need to coordinate, and last time i did pain management they basically said "see a psychiatrist for antidepressants or try medical marijuana bc we cant do anything else for you" lmao (i did the mm despite never having tried it before. It helps but its not enough lol). My current psychiatrist has exhausted every medical option for my depression. So its either they give me painkillers or something else idk what, or i just stay home and continue to suffer.
And thats a whole nother thing the rheumatologist today was like "oh why did you stop antidepressants if youre in so much pain??" My duDE I WAS SO MISERABLE AND COULDNT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. Once i stopped antidepressants, i was able to start exercising regularly, i started drawing and writing with more enjoyment (had not drawn with regularity since 2019!!), i am more present in life, like... doing antidepressants was the worst fucking 5 years of my life. None of them helped my depression, they only made me worse. I tried every branch of them and not a single one helped. Im still fucking depressed and anxious as shit taking methylphenidate but hard evidence points to it being a great help compared with anything else ive ever taken. God that fucking "treatment resistant depression" diagnosis was the worst fucking thing. Theres like nothing else to try except super niche experimental treatments that insurance wont cover and they dont accept secondary insurance (which is the one that i could probably get to cover a new treatment but it takes a lot of coordination on both parties, like what im doing for my tmj problems and getting aligners). Ughhh. I dont wanna fucking do experimental shit either. Unless someone wants to donate me an ayahuasca vacation or something lmao. (Joke, i dont have a passport and i dont wanna pause all my other meds)
It sucks that none of my medical problems are treatable. I got permanent depression/anxiety/ocd/whatever other things that are undiagnosed despite my requests for testing. Permanent endometriosis (no cure and my body isnt accepting the medical or sugical treatments). Lifelong teeth problems (unknown if this new treatment will help my teeth or jaw yet but like.. arthritis is also lifelong and damage is damage). Arthritis thats lifelong but Mostly managed, at least during warm seasons. Permanent untreatable fibromyalgia (the antidepressants are the only medical treatment for it and never helped with pain, maybe even made it worse, and no one wants to give me painkillers anymore since like 2015. Sucks that old people can get painkillers like candy but because im young and hide my pain really well i get treated like an addict. My mom was like 'your gramma gets painkillers all the time!!' Yeah but im not in my 70s. Theres age bias here.) I got chronic untreated gerd (well, i take otc meds, and my attempts to treat it got canceled bc thats when covid was rampant, and the doc stopped prescribing me stronger meds bc i hadnt seen him in a while, bUT I LITERALLY COULDNT GET IN BC OF COVID. I just dont eat any of my favourite acidic foods anymore. I miss tomatoes. Sometimes i gotta eat them and just triple up on 3 different antacids and deal with the sore throat the next day). Well, was gonna say i got chronic insomnia but thats probably the only thing thats fully treated by 2 meds and sometimes weed. (But like. Im a nightowl. Its just that i have to fit in with society to get up in the morning for appointments. I have that like delayed body clock issue lol. So in a way it kind of is still a chronic issue, but at least im getting a full night of sleep when the body pain isnt extreme.)
But yeah. It sucks to be me. Dunno where im going w this post. Its just so frustrating when youre telling the doctor you're in constant pain and hes like 'i know. See you in a couple months.' Rheumatologists are supposed to treat fibro. But i always get hot potatoed to the next doctor. Like i get it, i am untreatable, but someone please do something! Ugh. Like theres really no options besides painkillers or weed, and i can only use weed in the evenings bc my family doesnt approve (literally said the most vile shit when i mentioned the pain clinic recommended it), plus cant use it if im gonna drive somewhere - in theory, i dont have a license lol but the point is i shouldnt have to take an intoxicant during the day!! Painkillers at the lowest dose do not intoxicate me, and in fact, make me more lucid bc it lifts the fucking fog of pain!! Wish doctors would understand how much they helped me in the past. When i was on the combo of painkillers and the arthritis med im on now, i was literally going for jogs every fucking day. I have proof of it. I probably couldnt do that now bc im a lot heavier and a lot sicker, but the point is i can be more active if im not in pain, and being active helps both the arthritis and fibro! Ughhhh.
Online is like "painkillers have not been shown to help fibro" bull fucking shit. Maybe im an odd one out. But ive been diagnosed since i was 12 and fit the fucking symptoms. They fucking help and ive been off them for so many fucking years now while all my health has deteriorated. Do you know how miserable it is to find out you have fibromyalgia affecting the nerves around your teeth? On top of my tmj problems!! I can barely eat anything since starting the aligners because my mouth is in too much pain!!
The only thing painkillers havent helped was the fucking endometriosis, which ironically, is the only reason i even have painkillers on hand for my back injury.
And god fuck i do not want to think abt the endo. Theres no quality of life when im panicking every day about when the next flare up is gonna happen. Theres no hope there bc theres no treatment that works for me. I already had a hysto but it was probably too late since the endo spread. Idk if im gonna survive the next flare. Especially because i have to stop taking the med that was possibly helping since ive been on it too long. The doctors ive been seeing have just been like "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" which is just causing more anxiety because the bridge is like. This next month. Whenever theres a flare up, i have to stop ALL my arthritis meds just so i can take advil since thats the only thing that provides me some relief (and thats terrifying bc advil has given me an ulcer before! Because of taking it during a period and i was in too much pain to sit up for 10 minutes after taking it. Fuck endo.) Idk what to do.
Anyway. Thats the sitch. Ill try calling for pt again since this took a while to type. If theyre still closed, well, i guess ill just go fuck myself.
1 note · View note
hunterguyveriv · 6 months ago
Text
Taking an Indeterminate Break from Writing Until Furter Notice:
So, as many of my followers here know, I have been a writer of various fan fiction of various series, Guyver (mostly), Voltron, specifically Kacxa, a DOOM fan fic, and others. But it pains me to say that because of depression and grieving, I have lost all inspiration for writing and drawing over the last year. I have lost interest in my favorite sport Lacrosse which is also part of my cultural heritage, and other things I was passionate about. So until that inspiration hits me again, don't expect much from me in terms of fan fiction writing. I'm sorry, but at this moment, I'm out. I'll try to get motivated to post any writings I've been meaning to post over the last year and a half before things started to go downhill, but I make no guarantees.
Tumblr media
(Picture taken December 2014) Last year, those who have followed me found out that my Grandfather, aged 92, passed away at the end of August after a long fight with cancer. Just recently, my Grandmother, aged 92 - who was also with him for over 70 years, passed away. Their passing hurts more than few could understand because they were the ONLY Grandparents I ever knew growing up. I never got to meet my maternal Grandmother because she passed away of Leukemia when my mother was around the ages of 16 to 18. And my maternal Grandfather only saw me, his ONLY grandson, a handful of times because he was an avid racist, and being a product of an interracial marriage, my parents didn't want me to have anything to do with him or his second wife.
We also lost a family pet due to cancer back in March (a family cat) who passed away in her sleep. But I am forced to face the possibility of losing another family pet, my Gimpy Goofy Good Girl, who we had since 2013. She was a rescue from a High-Kill shelter in one of the Southern states that we adopted from a No-Kill shelter when she was 5 or 6.
Tumblr media
Walking is getting harder and harder for her, more so because she's been a tripod since 2019 due to surgery complications. The vet she sees gave us some pain meds to see if they will help make her comfortable, but we know that her remaining time is limited with us. I personally want her to pass in the comforts of home because, after the life she had before we got her, it is something she deserves. But I am prepared to say my "See you later," at the vets when it gets to that point.
Other familiar issues that I am not at liberty to talk about and issues with work have also killed my motivation to write. I try to put forth a strong appearance. Because of where I work, I try hard not to show a change. Some have noticed and offered condolences, while others just seem to not care one bit that one of their department managers is going through some stuff to ask, "Is everything alright?"
I am trying to roll with the punches, I am trying to get myself to be passionate about writing again, but until I feel like myself again I may not free-form another fan-fiction story or an original Kaiju story Ive been wanting to write for a while.
1 note · View note
comicparty · 2 years ago
Text
i feel like i achieved alot today at work and then for work when i got home as well. i had to retype some pages and adjust them to make them easily readable and flow better in a step by step way which i think i did pretty well.
it all around probably took ~ 2 hours which if it had been anyone else but me they would’ve taken alot longer just to even type the words…. i typed and edited something up super quick within like 15-10 minutes and my boss was like well wait you didnt have to do that you can just copy and paste… and i was like yeah but its not like its hard to type lol…? i dont get how they think that’s saving any time. its literally not that big of a deal and i kept being so confused on why she kept reiterating i could just copy and paste it and im like okay but i also want to make it easier to read and to do that i have to word it in different ways sometimes. idk anytime i do something with computers theyre like well why didnt you do this nd its like because i like doing it this way im autistic and better with computers than you are calm down bro lol
they also always ask me why i make so many posters to put everywhere (which honestly is NOT alot ive made like 2-3 and do plan to make more but thats beside the point) its so people can start taking accountability when ive already told them five billion times so when its right in front of them when they do the thing they cant be like “oh i forgot” or “oh i didnt know” like i s2g!!! i try to be so nice and accommodating to newcomers esp ones who have learning disabilities like adhd and the such bc i get that but sometimes its like…. if you cant even remember the one simple thing of a poster or remember to notice it… i cant help u bro…. i do my best to make it eye catching and use simple words (but not to where its vague and people ask questions or wonder bc i have to have precise instructions as well so) but idk… i understand it will take a long time for it to stick once the routine is finally ingrained but getting there can be so grueling!! and maybe im not even frustrated at them im frustrated at how others arent so nice… i hate hearing people complain so i always feel like its my responsibility to try and help or like when they complain its always on me to get it done? and most of the time it is… but im glad kasey is back so we have someone other than me who remembers and is WILLING to do her job. so that i can properly train the new girls then…
anyways …. i am satisfied BUT I GAINED FIVE POUNDS ?! im assuming from stress and my period which…. i still need to get everything for myself settled i just keep genuinely forgetting:/
i need to take my meds on a regular basis again for good
0 notes
autistic-ranpo · 2 years ago
Text
dumb vent post here we go
i dont even know why im making this but whatever. i need to scream into the void. lately ive been feeling so fucking burnt out all the time. like its to the point where i despise drawing because i just cant do it. im not good at anything, much less the things i enjoy. plus theres an influx of me hating the way i look, mostly because of this one person i dont really know that keeps taking pictures of me when im not aware and showing them to everyone when ive told them so many fucking times that i hate getting my picture taken. its like every time i look into the mirror i want to tear my skin off. my hairs always shitty. i never pass as a dude. im fat and ugly and it sucks. i cant control anything i say, and i feel like im so annoying. i feel like im driving away everyone. i desperately need to be on adhd meds but im not. its a burden to even make myself food so ive been existing off of goldfish and the occasional bowl of cereal if i feel up to it. i should probably get checked out for autism. my entire family's gone to shit. im faling behind in school because i cant fucking get my brain to do the work. theres this dude i like so, so much but i dont even know what to say to him. idk man. im just so tired all the time.
0 notes
avatar-aaang · 2 years ago
Text
my throat is so fuckied up, I sound like im trying to do asmr every time I speak
1 note · View note
cassyapper · 3 years ago
Text
ive been asked to share with the class so here’s my kakyoin wound notes
tw lots of bodily trauma and medical procedure discussion
uh disclaimer im not a doctor ive never taken an anatomy class this is all thoughts based on the little reading ive done surrounding major bodily trauma lololol so please take what i have to say with a grain of salt
so he’s wounded right here
looks to be a little under the sternum but the origin (like point 0,0 of the circle shape of the wound) is somewhere near the border of chest and abdomen it seems to be
Tumblr media
we also know from this shot that he is gouged all the way through. the world’s fist is completely poking out on the otherside jkdfn ew ugh oh god kakyoin
Tumblr media
sorry anyway
so the implications of this.
Tumblr media
his stomach pancreas and liver are definitely gone. they turned to mush. reduced to gore flying across the cairo skyline (sorry i know that was a bit much jsut JKDFKN;FK;)
it doesnt seem like anything else comes out tho (tho i doubt they’d animate his guts flowing out with the water to be fair JKN;) but im gonna give him the benefit and say liver pancreas and stomach are all he Lost lost
i think it’s low enough that his lungs werent directly affected (in the second screenshot i posted he’s hunched over so the wound looks higher than it actually is), but some of his ribs definitely completely snapped, and it would be quite easy for them to then penetrate one or both of kakyoin’s lungs (he is seen to be coughing up blood so at least ONE definitely was deflated)
obviously there is also the issue of his spine. dio took out a whole chunk of it right from the middle of the structure it seems (or a little lower than the middle). so there’s no way kakyoin is walking again, least not normally
last biggest problem is the massive blood loss but we all already know that i presume
so with the problems all lined up, let’s get to healing this monstrosity. first things first kakyoin’s heart giving out is the more immediate problem. thankfully for kak tho we know star platinum explicitly has the ability to pump ppl’s hearts for them so as long as jotaro is within range star plat can make sure kakyoin’s heart stays pumping. hehehe this can be an evil scene in that case
second order of business i feel would be to get kakyoin’s lung(s) back online and get his ribs wrapped up so they can start healing properly and so he doesnt develop a lung infection lol that’d be the LAST thing he needs they reset the ribs and probably would WANT to give him a rib belt but due to the Hole In His Chest they can’t. thankfully kakyoin isnt awake during the like 6-12 weeks it takes to heal ribs. maybe they put something in on the inside that will eventually dissolve to help keep them in place but im not sure
lmao just an aside kak probably goes through so many blood transfusions just to stay alive during the surgery process jesusbkjf
anyway once his lungs r good tho we turn to the other organs in the area
i am thinking they dont bother to replace kak’s stomach or pancreas cause him adapting to digesting with solely his intestines/just taking meds to monitor his enodrine production and blood sugar would probably be easier and safer than the risk of his body rejecting a the transplants. but they do gotta replace his liver
SINCE presumably this is the speedwagon foundation working on kak i feel justified in saying yeah they probably just so happen to have the right match up for kak (maybe after kak got blinded or something joseph or avdol or even jotaro had them take notes on everyone’s blood type and body size Just In Case)
once theyre done with that they probably talk about giving kak a replacement for his spine so he can at least sit up but since that isnt life threatening they leave that for him to decide when he wakes up. plus they’ll have enough to monitor ANYWAY esp regarding the liver transplant so the last thing they wanna tack on is an artificial spine
last thing they do right at that moment are split-thickness skin grafts to cover the wounds. they take the skin from kak’s thighs cause there’s no other alternative lol. tho there might be enough skin on the top of his back to offer Something
anyway im sure he’d have to go through one or two grafts on each side before they finally properly heal
once he wakes up and consents 2 the spine procedure, im thinking they’d do something like give him a bunch of artificial disks and then secure/stabilize them with an expandable rod or a bunch of cages/rods/plates. or they’d do something like a sci-fi cybernetic spine considering the speedwagon foundation made a fully functioning whole-body prosthetic in the fucking 40s. i gotta be real idk much abt what happens with spines when theyre fucked up i just know it’s fair to believe the speedwagon foundation gets kak SOMETHING that allows him to Kinda walk again at least for a little while
as for lasting effects i dont think kak has any sensation on his stomach or back. like the nerves were blown out of him and skin grafts dont fix that so the area is just numb
as for loss of sensation related to his spine
Tumblr media
the area of the spine that got taken out seems to be the half of the thoracic/the lumbar sections so in addition to his legs being numb, he also has abdominal loss of sensation (so even if the nerves didn’t get punched out of him, he probably wouldnt feel anything). man that fucking sucks lmao
god
33 notes · View notes
Text
Language of a Rose Part 4(finalie)
Best Foot Forward Rehab center
Name: Wilber Snowtop
Age: 28
Condition: partial amputation of both right and left legs at the knee. In facility for rehab and fitting of prosthesis.
Insurance: THUHC
Progress notes: Patient under care of PT while adjusting to prosthetics. Recommend discharge to at home care.
The legs aren’t even there… how can this even hurt… and isn’t walking supposed to be built in?
It had been weeks since his accident, weeks of pain meds, of worry, of loneliness…. Ok maybe not so much loneliness. Ever since Ember had come that day things had been getting better. He was always there to lend a helping hand, or arm, or back, walking was hard ok? Either way, Ember had been there every hesitant half step at a time and for that Wilber cant help but feel some kind of feeling. He was still trying to figure out what that feeling was however. “Mister Snowtop?” the voice shakes wilber from his thoughts. They had been such nice thoughts too.. “Is it that time again?” he asks the nurse at his door. Already mentaly preparing himself to get up. It was getting easier but it was by no means pain free. He stops when the nurse shakes her head. “Actually sir i wanted to let you know you are being discharged soon. We are just setting up at home care and getting all the paperwork in order” Joyce smiled as her patient’s look of dread turns to one of excitement. “I get to go home! But.. I live alone. I won’t be able to get around by myself… Shouldn’t I stay here till I can actually walk?” excitement had turned to fear very quickly. The feeling of helplessness returning after so many days of being absent in this place where help is only a button press away. Joyce could see the change in mood and swoops in with the save. “Don’t worry sir, we have that all taken care of. You don’t think we would really let you go home without some help? The clan isn’t like that.” “I guess so…” his words fail him at this point. The anxiety taking over as he grips the blanket over what’s left of his legs. He’d just have to trust the clan. For now all he could do is wait for discharge.
------ A Few days later Stepping off the shuttle ramp on his crutches, Wilber sighs as he takes in the sight of home. It wasn’t much but at least it was one story. A little two bed one bath home out in the suburbs, looks like Flyod even kept his garden in order. Though it might have been the little clouds running towards the fence bleating a welcome home. “I think ive got it from here, thank you Joyce for giving me a ride” Wilber still wasn’t sure how he was going to manage life without a staff of nurses and doctors but joyce had just said ‘someone will be there to help’. She refused to elaborate. The answer becomes clear however when his front door opens and… “Ember?? You?” he nearly drops his crutches before the pain in his legs let him know that was a bad idea. “Surprised to see me icecube?” Ember walks down the path, pushing Frosty and his girls away from the gate so wilber could get in without getting mobbed. “Go on you lot, let your dad get back in.” he spoke softly to the herd, and they listened trotting off back to their grain. “I just… I wasn’t expecting…” that the person he had grown to care about had been sent to be his nurse? That those complex feelings where rising up in his chest again? Or that now he had an inkling of what they ment. “Can we go inside?” Ember helps him up the walkway to the door. “One step at a time, I’m right here if you slip.” One step at a time. One heartbeat at a time. Ember was so close, supporting him, being right there through it all. Melting his heart one layer at a time. “Thank you Ember, for everything. I don’t think I can do this on my own.” Metal hit the sidewalk as Wilber turns to embrace his friend, his best friend. “You aren’t alone, not anymore. I'm not planning on going anywhere.” The pair head inside, Ember now supporting Wilber fully. The crutches lay on the ground by a neatly trimmed rose bush. Deep green, and with little blooms popping through into the late spring air. Something else was blooming in the little house behind it. Something that would hold the pair together for much longer than rehab would take. What it is, only the roses know. They speak in their own language, red and white among the grazing sheep.
18 notes · View notes
redhairedwolfwitch · 4 years ago
Text
Opposites Attract - Sarah Reese x reader
Request: Hey, could you do a cute Sarah Reese X reader one where you are both medical students and (she is really shy and you are really extroverted) and has no idea how to approach you, but you secretly fall for each other and kiss or something at the end?
Tag list: @sofia-r-1604
You were standing with the other fourth year medical students on rotation for the opening of the Emergency Department when your pager began to beep alongside everyone else’s.
“CPD Plan 2. Mass cas. Multiple trauma patients minutes away! Let’s go!” Maggie Lockwood shouted as everyone began to hurry into the ED.
Tumblr media
Maggie had pointed for you to work with Dr Manning with a young girl crying about the ambulance needing to go back for her father.
“Did you find my dad yet?”
“We will, sweetheart, don’t you worry. All right, now we’re going to put something in your arm to give you medicine, it’s just going to be a little-”
“No! No! No!”
April and Dr Manning worked on calming the girl as you observed the IV line being placed.
“Let’s get X-ray in here.” Dr Manning stated to April after the IV line was done.
The girl’s eyes landed on you as you gave her a soft smile, leaving April to smile slightly as she noticed the girl smile back.
///
“You know exercise is good for pregnant women.” Dr Manning stated to Maggie who just sighed.
“Alright, treatment one, you okay with a shadow today?” Maggie asked as April started talking about crib parties.
“S/n, right? They looked so lost until that girl from before looked at them.” April chuckled, gesturing for you to come over as you dodged a gurney.
///
“Hey, I’m Y/n, Y/n S/n!” You smiled, approaching the fourth year med student you’d seen with Dr Rhodes.
“Sarah Reese.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Sarah Reese. Oh, are you checking on the girl from earlier with the broken femur?”
“Yeah, Dr Manning sent me to get you and check on her.” Reese replied, leaving the two of you to walk over to the treatment room.
“I’m Sarah Reese, this is Y/n S/n, we’re fourth year medical students. Dr Manning sent us to check on Rachel before we sign her out.” Reese explained, revealing a teddy bear from her pocket that had you raise an eyebrow for a moment.
“Why don’t you pick a name whilst Reese here talks to your mum?” You suggested, allowing Reese to talk to her mother about her father’s condition.
“How are you feeling? Any idea for a name off the top of your head?” You asked as Rachel played with the bear that Reese had given her.
“Uh...” You murmured as you watched Rachel drop the bear and go limp.
“Rachel?” Reese began as you tried to find a pulse.
“I can’t find a pulse.” You stated, reaching for the code blue button as Reese went to call for a doctor.
“Code Blue Treatment 3. Code Blue Treatment 3.”
“Reese, you’re not compressing hard enough!” You exclaimed as Reese called for help, taking over chest compressions from you.
“Code Blue Treatment 3!”
“You need to press harder!” You replied, leaving Reese to grimace.
“But she’s so tiny!”
“Her ribs will heal but we need her to live!” You retorted, as Dr Choi ran in.
“You’re not compressing the heart, Sarah.” Dr Choi stated as Reese began to panic.
“Harder! Do it! Let’s go!” Dr Choi ordered, leaving Reese to look at you as you went to see where Dr Manning was in order to get out of the way of the nurses.
“What happened?” Dr Manning asked, looking at Dr Choi.
“She arrested. We got her back.” Dr Choi explained whilst the nurse and you worked on trying to put in an IV line.
“Can’t get an IV.” 
You let out a breath as you stepped back, watching Dr Manning drill an IO line before Rachel was taken upstairs for more scans then to PICU.
“Good job.” Dr Choi stated to Reese who let out a timid breath, your hand on her shoulder as you saw her face.
“I, I just broke a little girl’s ribs.” 
“Reese, you saved the girl’s life. Like S/n said, her ribs will heal.” Dr Choi stated before walking off.
///
“Central line. I can’t tell you how many times I missed that before I finally got it.” Dr Rhodes chuckled as he watched Reese working on a dummy.
“I know how to do it, I just couldn’t do it in there.” Reese replied over the music in her headphones.
“It takes practice that’s all.” Dr Rhodes affirmed, leaving Reese to turn to face him.
“I’m fine with him,” she stated, refering to the dummy, “I never miss.”
“Yeah, he’s the ideal patient. You can’t hurt him and his life’s not hanging in the balance.” Dr Rhodes deadpanned, leaving Reese to sigh.
“If this rotation weren’t a requirement, I wouldn’t be here.” She stated, biting her lip as she spotted you talking to Maggie.
“Where would you be?” Connor enquired, a knowing look on his face.
“I’m a lab person.” Reese affirmed, confirming Connor’s guess.
“Pathology?”
“Maybe.” Reese shrugged off, noticing you disappear with Maggie into a treatment room.
“Yeah. Every med student, once they start dealing with patients, thinks they’d do better in Pathology. I did.” Dr Rhodes admitted, leaving Reese to just swallow nervously.
///
“Hey hotshot, yeah, you. Old lady had a fall, sprained both wrists.” Maggie called Reese over, leaving you to chuckle as you watched her put her glasses on.
“Cute glasses Sarah.”
Reese looked at you with wide eyes before heading to her patient whilst Maggie gestured for you go with Dr Rhodes for the shift.
That meant you were stood in the observation room as you watched Dr Rhodes, Dr Choi and Dr Manning watch a patient who had given birth on the streets go into surgery.
You’d gotten a glance in at Reese working with Dr Charles but you spent a lot of time running around and learning that day.
///
“Hey, Maggie, can you help me out?” Reese enquired, approaching Maggie after she’d changed her mind about asking you to help.
“With what?”
“With, you know, an IV. The patient’s veins are really small.” Reese exclaimed as Maggie gave her a look.
“How many goes have you had?”
“Three.”
Reese flushed as Maggie gave her an mildly shocked look, “oh man... okay, I got a kid with a broken arm in 2, S/n, with me!” Maggie called you over, leaving Reese to clear her throat.
“Y/n, IV line, Reese, head over to 2.” Maggie exclaimed, guiding you over as you smiled at Reese.
“Oh god.” Reese whispered, heading over to 2 to distract herself from her thoughts about you.
///
“You want me to um-”
“Yep, jab me.” Maggie stated, rolling up her sleeve for Reese to frown.
“Did you have an IV done before?”
“Y/n asked for practice, something about not wanting to hurt children who are already hurt and panicking when they come into the ED. They got it, eventually.” Maggie chuckled, “Let’s go, I don’t have all night.”
///
You were sat on the rooftop bit of the the ED eating lunch when you felt eyes on you.
Reese had gone outside to go buy a coffee when she spotted you on the bench.
One glance told you Reese had froze like a deer in headlights when she saw you, leaving you to blush into your lunchbox.
Joey frowned as she noticed how Reese had frozen, taking the splenda packet before she could and hurrying away.
///
“Oh, hey, Reese, Y/n, April’s little brother needs a tour!” Maggie exclaimed, making you laugh whilst Reese just grimaced internally.
Last thing she needed was you liking Noah instead of you liking her.
As if you’d ever like her back.
Little did she know...
Reese went to talk to Dr Choi as you walked over to Noah and April.
“S/n, I need you over here!” Someone yelled, leaving Noah to pause.
“Sorry, you’re going to have to get Reese to give you the tour, it was nice to meet you though!” You exclaimed, leaving Noah to let out a breath.
“They’re... bubbly.” Noah murmured, leaving April to chuckle.
“Complete opposite of Reese... complete opposite of Reese.” April realised, glancing over to where you had headed as Reese walked over.
///
You were sat in Molly’s, eyes closed, back of your skull on the brick wall as you contemplated.
Two taps of your phone is all it took to delete the dating app you stopped using when you’d started fourth year.
You didn’t realise this doesn’t delete your account though.
///
“Another dating app?” Reese enquired to April who just kept swiping.
“At least they know how to type... is that-”
“Y/n has an account?” Reese murmured, ignoring the bubbling jealousy as she spotted you looking at files with Dr Manning.
“Says they’ve not been active in over a year though-” April began but Reese had already made up her mind.
“I’m going to ask them.”
///
“Well in my experience, med schools and guys don’t mix.” Reese stated to the premed girl who had brought her friend into the hospital.
“What about girls? Or fellow fourth year med students?” April asked, leaving Reese to grimace, her eyes drifting to you as you hurried by them.
“Y/n! Wait up!” Reese called, confusing both April and the patient’s friend as Reese went after you.
“What’s- oh god.” You mumbled as Reese showed you the screenshot.
“Oh god, that’s all you have to say?” Reese began, leaving you to pass her your phone.
“What am I looking at here?”
“I deleted the app. I haven’t used it since 3rd year so I deleted the app. Until now, I didn’t realise I forgot to delete the account... screw it I’ll do it now.” You murmured, leaving Reese to stare at you, her jaw ajar.
“Why?”
You glanced up as you showed her the screen of you deleting the profile.
“Why am I deleting the account? I like someone irl.” You deadpanned before kissing her on the cheek and walking away.
“Uh... uh...” Reese panicked as April gave her a look to go after you.
///
You were standing on the rooftop garden when Reese approached you from behind.
“When you said you liked someone irl, did you mean me?”
“Sarah, I don’t just go around kissing people on the cheek if I don’t have feelings for them.” You raised your eyebrow, smiling as Reese froze for a moment.
“Uh, well...” Reese began, making your face drop.
“I’m sorry, I just thought-” You panicked before Reese’s hand went to your arm as she leaned forwards, kissing your cheek.
“I like you too.”
120 notes · View notes
quirkless-and-proud · 3 years ago
Text
Vigilante Au
Mido finds aizawa in the middle of a fight in an alley and then there’s a gunshot and eraser is down and the villains escape,
when mido approaches him he assumes he’s another vigilante and cuts his hand on the approach, a sign from one vigilante to another that they are not pros, (willing to make one’s self vulnerable to gain trust from someone already hurt and bring yourself to that level)
when he gets close enough, he sees the goggles and realizes this is a pro, and before eraser passes out he grabs him by the arm and says he can’t be taken to a hospital - there is a mole in the police force
when eraser next wakes up he’s in an apartment, completely bare with dressings on his gunshot wound as well as the other damage he sustained
now that he’s more lucid, eraser realizes he’s hooked up to an iv and he can’t feel the gunshot as well as he’d be able to if he wasn’t on some sort of pain meds
conversation is stilted and mido asks what is going to happen next, since he won’t be on his feet for another 2 weeks without quirk healing
eraser asks about the bullet and the kid shrugs and says it’s not the first time he’s had to deal with one and as for the medical equipment, he has some friends who are willing to supply medium grade med supplies on the down low
eraser wants to ask where they are, where the kids parents are and a multitude of other things but realizes that he’s going to have to rely on this kid until he’s on his feet
over the course of those two weeks eraser notices two distinct things, one, that other vigilantes drop in with information, food, money, or a multitude of other things and receive medical care in return
and two, that children or other random adults with serious injuries turn up for medical care as well, the children usually crying and the adults not, they all wear the same shoes as mido tho, so he wonders how they’re all connected
essentially, the sludge villian incident was at the end of mido’s 2nd year of middle school and he was told off by all might, then over the summer he decided to become a vigilante, taking summer courses at a dojo that helped quirk less kids, his mom died at the beginning of the last year of middle school and between her life insurance and his dad’s payments for the apt, mido realized that he could keep the apt to himself so long as someone signed for him, so one of the vigilantes registered as his big brother and the two of them lived together until 2 months before eraser turned up because he died (way more emotional and spontaneous)
this was decided by a meeting of the vigilante “council” which is 15 different people who showed up at mido’s house after he took over for the brother that died before he met eraser it’s similar to pirates of the caribbean where it’s passed down verbally and with a token from the original 15
aizawa doesn’t want him putting himself in danger and mido flaps him off as best he can but also points out that he needs his help, he doesn’t have many choices and he is getting everyone personally
3 members of the council approach eraser w/out mido and tell eraser in no uncertain terms that if mido is hurt in any way he will be held personally responsible and that vigilantes rely on him for intel/analysis of villains and hero’s alike to avoid/help/capture and he has saved their lives both with the hospital and also with his mind. building up a network of safety took time and eraser has to realize how many lives he will put in danger if he tries to dismantle the network.
one of the 3 stays back and tells eraser she was mido’s brother’s first contact and longest friend, and that he asked her to watch after mido. she tells eraser she thinks mido could be a pro, that he might be the key to ending vigilantism but that he could revolutionize pro-hero work. the kid is wicked smart but she doesn’t want to see him become bitter and jaded.
this is something eraser has been thinking about non stop the whole time he’s been holed up here.
eraser asks her for a knife. it is the single request all vigilantes must obey, a sign of trust.
he cuts his palm and says he swears to try his best to take care of mido, as much as the boy will let him and that he will do everything in his power not to jeopardize or hurt him. “a vigilante adoption if you will”
and mido, this whole time. well. he’s still mido and there’s a lot of hero worship of eraser who fights essentially quirkless and has been respectful and kind to the quirkless kids and who has relied on and trusted him
and so 5 of the 15 vigilante council, including mido are to do a recon op of the police station and try to incriminate the mole based on plans eraser helped them lay out
it goes alright except mido breaks 2 ribs fighting someone and when he gets back eraser is able to stand and takes over his care as best he can and mido tells him he can go back to the police, the mole has been caught
eraser asks mido why he isn’t trying to become a pro
mido laughs and makes a broken noise and says a very reliable source told him he couldn’t be
and eraser says whoever it was was out of their goddamned mind, that they must have been blind and deaf to miss what was in front of their faces, he points out the illogic and that he fights quirkless and he points to everything mido had done in a little over a year, how fast and capable he is and the connections he has already and just, if eraser knew the kids from his classes would be half as good as mido eraser could retire because crime wouldn’t be a problem
and mido is crying and eraser asks him if he would go to ua, if he would let eraser work out a deal for him and recommend him
and mido says his money must go to the hospital, he can’t leave this place and he doesn’t have money to really go to school and his grades aren’t great (half on purpose lol)
and eraser says what he does with his money is his business as long as eraser can’t prove it and that getting a hero license would help him protect vigilantes and there would be some rules, like he wouldn’t be able to live on his own like this, but there are places eraser is willing to look away in the short term until they can figure out a real long term plan
and mido says he wouldn’t have anywhere to live that isn’t the hospital and eraser says kid if you think i’d do this for just a student, i mean i’d be a hell of a teacher but i’m only a decent one, that i already declared a vigilante adoption in front of that girl, unprompted, and that his husband and he had always considered fostering/adopting
and mido blurts out something that means he knows it’s present mic despite no formal paperwork saying that anywhere and eraser just fucking loses it and starts laughing like a madman because of course mido figured it out the kid is a genius
and yes, hizashi and i would fucking love you kid, like you deserve and you wouldn’t have to do all of this alone, and you wouldn’t have all this responsibility, you could give it to me and then, slowly as you become an adult we add it back without overwhelming you
and mido says to let him go to ground for 2 weeks - that eraser has to give him time to sort a few things out, largely to protect everyone at the hospital and get word out to the quirkless kids and eraser says okay
and in 2 weeks eraser has talked to nezu and they have a plan and a police deal and mido walks up to the gates of ua all by himself with a backpack that has notebooks and clothes but nothing else (he ran everyone to ground, moved the hospital and sorted out the money problem with that girl) and now he’s standing in front of eraserhead turning himself in
my name is midoriya izuku, you know me as mido and i am here to turn myself in
nezu regards him with a glint in his eyes and eraser just rolls his eyes and hugs the kid telling him he has done a good job and that he’ll take it from here
———
this is a really lost outline for a fic that i would love if someone else wrote lol
sorry about caps and stuff, this is really just for the notes section on my phone so hope you like it
23 notes · View notes
spacedikut · 4 years ago
Text
“let me do this for you. please.” ; aaron hotchner
pairing: aaron hotchner (criminal minds) x reader
summary: it’s left to you to help aaron with his injury. taken from this prompt list - 1781 words
a/n: this is kind of shitty trash but i wanted to add to the one hotch fic ive written
Aaron Hotchner, in all his glory, is more often than not described as strict. Maybe even grumpy.
It takes less than one conversation with the unit chief to fully understand this, sometimes all it takes is witnessing the way he walks and holds himself, and he’s become somewhat notorious for it.
However, you know more about Hotch than the average person. More than either of you care to admit. For a while you were certain he hated you, definitely didn’t trust you, despite being highly trained and told again and again by your team that that’s just how Hotch is. Emily, especially, pulled you aside to tell you she was also victim to his cold persona at the beginning.
It takes time, she’d said, but he’ll warm up to you. He won’t be able to resist.
It all changed when he appeared at your apartment door several hours after you’d been discharged from the hospital following a gnarly gunshot wound to your shoulder. He stood there, with his famous furrowed brows, straight-mouth look on his face, cradling a basket. He’d made you a ‘get well soon’ package – your favourite candy (he knew that?), some DVDs (including your favourite – he knew that?), and his favourite book (written by your favourite author). There were fluffy socks and a colouring book, too.
“I couldn’t visit you in the hospital,” He’d said, “So Jack and I made you a gift basket. He chose the colouring book.”
In your stunned silence you didn’t ask any further questions, just took the present and contemplated getting shot again in hopes he would pay another visit, maybe come inside. Maybe fall in love with you. You’re not picky.
That night you realised your unit chief doesn’t hate you and you definitely don’t hate your unit chief.
Now, almost a year later, there’s been some big changes. You’re pushing Aaron onto his bed as he grips the top of his bleeding forearm; he’s mumbling curses under his breath while pouting – yes, pouting, no matter how much he’ll deny it when you tease him about it later. It had taken you raising your voice at him to convince him to let you help at all, let alone clean the cut, so you allow his brooding.
When you sit on your heels of his bedroom floor in front of him, he instinctively opens his mouth to, once again, say something along the lines of, “You don’t have to do this,” or “I can look after myself.”
You interrupt before he can even begin.
“If you refuse to go to the hospital, refuse to let an on-site medic come to you, you’re gonna let me help you, you got that?” You snap, fuelled by worry and frustration.
On the scene he’d refused medical attention, telling the medics to focus on the victims which, fair enough, was valid. But then Rossi had tried to drive him to the hospital, to get stitched up because anyone could see the cut on his arm needed it, and he’d argued and argued to the point where Rossi shoved him into your car and said, “You take him. He’s being a child and I am too old for this.”
He kept telling you to just drop him off home and he’ll be fine, but you couldn’t do that. You have a medical background; you’ve stitched up everyone on the team at least once, excluding Hotch, and you’ll get peace of mind if you do the job and know he’s okay.
You followed him inside, he kept telling you to go home because he’s fully capable, and you kept telling him to shut up. Now you’re here.
Aaron says nothing in return – just stares into your eyes and maintains a tight, strained posture.
You recognise the look in his eyes, then. Everything clicks into place in your head and your heart hurts slightly.
“Let me do this for you. Please.”
Aaron is a leader. A protector. He always has been. He trusts his team with his life, of course he does, but he’s also stubborn. The idea of anyone, let alone the one person who’s somehow wormed their way into his life in a way he hadn’t prepared for, seeing him so vulnerable after a stupid mistake led to an even stupider injury is downright humiliating for him.
He’s embarrassed. He hoped he could sulk home, drink a little too much whiskey as he clumsily cleaned himself up, and move on like nothing happened.
But it’s you, all non-judgemental eyes and worried tone with your caring and reassuring words. You’re too good for him. You’re too good to him.
You work slowly and gently, in a very you way, and Hotch watches closely the entire time. You assume he’s watching so he can do it himself next time, can use this as an excuse for you to not do this ever again, but a part of you wonders if he still doesn’t trust you.
He sits patiently, until he realises how much blood he’s lost and starts to feel woozy. It’s very possible he has a concussion, too, along with the exhaustion from not sleeping for at least twenty four hours. His head feels like it’s swimming and his vision gets a little blurry.
You notice him swaying and stop what you’re doing to hold his biceps to steady him. His eyes almost roll, but he seems to jolt himself out of it. Aaron has this disturbing ability to act as if nothing bad is happening – for example, right now. The blood loss is alarming, he just almost passed out, but it’s like he flicks a switch in his brain that decides nah, let’s not do that.
“You okay?” You ask, voice quiet.
He nods and mumbles, “Yeah. Brain almost collapsed.”
You think that’s an attempt at a joke. You’re too concerned to laugh, even fake it, and slowly move your arms back to the med kit you’re rifling through.
“Brain dumb.” He adds.
“You’ve lost a lot of blood, Hotch.”
“Aaron.”
You look up at him through your eyelashes. Aaron surprises himself by wanting to cry at how beautiful you look.
“My name’s Aaron. You should call me it.”
You laugh quietly – the blood loss is beginning to get to him and he’s losing his professional barrier. The barrier that he lets down rarely, usually only when he’s in the comfort of his home, maybe relaxing with you and Jack. This is a special version of that, amplified by his injury.
“I’ll call you Aaron, then.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s alright, Aaron.”
He goes back to watching you, contentment coming off him in waves.
You’re done a few minutes later, Aaron’s cut all cleaned and stitched up. You wrap it in gauze and move the med kit aside, standing before him and sighing, hands on your hips.
“Alright. Bed time.” You say.
Aaron flops back on his bed, arms spread – it makes you giggle. It reminds you of the one time you had to bring drunk Hotch home.
“Move up, Aaron. Against your headboard.” You command.
As he moves, you grab some of the pillows he doesn’t use and place them under his legs to elevate them. You go to his ensuite and fill a glass of water, placing it on his bedside table, and look at the handsome unit chief seemingly asleep. You lean in closer to get a look at his condition – is he pale, cold, clammy?
His eyes snap open. You jump back in shock.
“Thank you for taking care of me.” His voice is rough, he’d almost fallen asleep, and his dimples begin to show when he smiles at your surprise.
“I’ll always take care of you, Aaron.” You say instantly, trying to fluff the pillow behind his head. You don’t realise what you do to him, he thinks, or what the things you say do to him.
“Let me take care of you, too.”
You smile, ignorant to the way he’s looking at you, “You do take care of me. You take great care of the whole team, A. You’re kind of amazing at it.”
You move to tuck him in, like you’ve watched him do to Jack many times.
“I mean-“ He stops you, large hands holding your wrists, “Let me take care of you. No one else.”
Your brows furrow, “What do you mean?”
“Me, Aaron, take care of you, Y/N.”
“That doesn’t explain anything.”
“I can take care of you.”
“Yeah, I know,” You laugh at the situation, the ridiculousness of how you’re going in circles, “I just told you that you take great care of me.”
He lets out a deep breath in exasperation, “Let me take care of you.”
You raise an eyebrow. “That sounds sexual, sir.”
“Oh. No, I didn’t mean it-“ He cuts himself off, “I mean, yes, but no, at the same time.”
You open your mouth to say What?!
“I’m trying to ask you out, Y/N.”
Oh.
You’re stunned, to say the least, and speechless. There’s nothing more you’d like than to go on a date with him, but he’s… vulnerable right now. Fragile. You’re not sure he’s in the right state of mind for this conversation.
Hotch senses your hesitation before you even register it yourself. He begins to backtrack.
“I’m sorry, I know that’s inappropriate-“
“Aaron.”
“Yes?” Despite the look on your face, filled with doubt, he’s still hopeful.
“I would really like to go on a date with you.” He smiles at that. “But you’ve lost a lot of blood and you’re concussed AND you’re exhausted. I can’t take what you say now as, like, gospel.”
He nod as if he understands, but the concoction of ailments he’s got going on make him incapable of truly recognising what’s going on. All he knows is that you said you’d really like to go out with him, and that’s good enough for him.
“Say this again tomorrow and I promise you I’ll make it worth your while,” You grin, now smoothing his hair away from his face as he blinks slowly at you.
“Make it worth my while, huh?” He sleepily smirks, a teasing lilt to his voice. If he wasn’t on the brink of sleep you’re sure he’d look too good for you to handle, but now he just looks adorable.
“Oh yeah. So worth it.”
“Alright then. Night night. You can kiss me on the forehead, if you feel so inclined,”
You roll your eyes and give a big sigh jokingly, “Only because you’re injured.”
You lean, give a quick peck to his forehead, and his dazed gaze follows you like a magnet.
“See you tomorrow, Hotch.”
“Aaron.”
“See you tomorrow, Aaron.”
654 notes · View notes