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pedritapascal · 1 year

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Max Lord Always Gets What He Wants.

Maxwell Lord Always Gets What He Wants

WARNINGS: Explicit Sex; Sex Language; SA; Fingers; Tongue; Nudity; Explicit Details

Pedro Pascal's character - Maxwell Lord aka Max Lord - [ML]

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Being in a place like this really suits me. I don't know at what point during the phone call last night, while Jimmy was telling me about what was happening on the Indian reservation in Montana, I thought it would be a good idea to just take the first flight out in the morning to get here.

I look around to see the fence lying on the ground, on one side some Crow tribesmen with rifles resting on their shoulders, pistols in their holsters as they ride their Appaloosas or Arabian horses on the other side of the territory once marked only by the precarious wooden and wire fence on the ground, is the richest family in Montana.

The big case here is, where a huge herd of buffalo can be seen in the distance, it's the land of the Crow tribe, and on the other side of the fence where there are three huge, grim-faced men and where I can see some pedestrians arriving on their tricycles, it's the land of Mr. Lord, yes, Maxwell Lord IV, my father's best friend. Not that I ever really spoke to the man, because he was always meeting with Dad talking about riches and lands, our family gatherings on big occasions or closed contracts, always very cordial and kind to me, I can't remember a time when Max didn't frequent our family. And despite this, I still followed him around the salon whenever I had the chance, wasting a minute or two more on the newspapers where pictures of him appeared. Always overbearing in his luxury suits.

- The animals are here now, no matter what you say, they're ours now - Lodge Grass, the tribe's leader, arches an eyebrow, his strong jaw moving and clenching as he chews his tobacco

And then the whole argument starts again, I try to calm it down, the fact is that yes, the animals are from the Lord's farm, and yes, the buffalo even have a cattle brand on their ear listing each one, but they are here on Indian land now. When the men raise their guns, the weather heats up, the thin trickle of sweat running down the back of my neck gives me goosebumps, and this has nothing to do with Montana's 37° heat, the midday sun doing its job along with the arid terrain…

- Hey hey, Mick, put the damn gun down, Lodge is right - I speak with one foot on either side of the divider where the fence is, right on the division of the land, my hands up asking everyone to calm down before they actually pull the trigger and I end up like a sieve in the middle of this semi-desert. - What a great idea, huh?

- Get out of the way, little girl, you shouldn't be here - Mick complains, pointing his gun at Catori, who is very tense on his horse to my right…

- Well, I guess there's not much point in me coming here every weekend to train the horses on the Lord's estate, is there?

- What the hell? - I hear Mick talking as a helicopter approaches us, dust flies around us, I have to put my hand in front of my eyes to keep from going blind, the loud noise of the propellers makes me dizzy, or maybe it's the logo of the Lord family empire that gives me a damn vertigo, strange things happen in my stomach that tightens and retracts as if I were on the long descent of a roller coaster

- What is it, boys? We can solve this in a civilized way - I hear his voice low, hoarse, the sexy sound of it brushes across my skin like a caress giving me goosebumps, even with the sound of the helicopter gradually diminishing, the propellers stopping turning, his voice is still powerful and strong, like a general making himself heard in the middle of war

The farmhands lower their weapons and I watch as the men behind me refuse to lower theirs, still under their horses.

Maxwell is wearing a dark gray three-piece suit, his black dress shoes match the suspenders I could see when the ends of the suit flew off. His gaze is hidden by his sunglasses.

I turn to look in the direction of the white corsair with dark spots

- Don't you see my niece here? - The voice sounds so much closer now, I feel arms wrap around my waist in an innocent hug

- "That's my favorite niece," he whispered so quietly next to my ear as he looked at me over his glasses, that if it weren't for the shiver that went straight down my spine I'd think I'd just imagined the words.

- "Hi Uncle Max," I shrug, feeling my cheeks heat up strangely, and snort at the indignation of my traitorous body wanting to blush. I don't blush

- Mick, let it go, a few head of cattle won't make any difference - Max slings an arm over my shoulder and starts guiding me towards the helicopter, not taking much notice of the situation…

- But Sir Lord - Mick complains - There's hundreds of dollars in there - The man grunts, sounding disgusted

Maxwell Lord says nothing, just looks at the man, stops him in his tracks and continues his confident steps, guiding me. I'm amazed at how easily he gave up so much money and how quickly he solved the problem by helping the indigenous people in the end.

- When are you going to New York? Has your father told you anything about winning a scholarship? I don't know what the options are, but you should move there - he said, not wanting to talk about what had just happened

I didn't ask him how he knew what was going on here, after all he always seems to know everything, and I didn't need to ask him why he came in person to sort it out. I think your friendship with my father is important enough for him to want to guarantee my safety.

- You make it sound as if I have somewhere to live other than under the bridge - I scoff lowly

"It's not just because my father has some money that he did anything for me, he was very firm after my teenage years that I should make my own money, especially when I refused to follow the career path he had planned for me.

Me, a defense lawyer? That would never work, and he thought it was far inferior to his little girl to be studying political science with an emphasis on social welfare.

- Don't be silly girl, I have an apartment there, you can make yourself at home. - As long as you don't mind me stopping by once in a while on business.

At that moment he had his glasses off and I could see those brown eyes shining at me in the warm sun and I forgot what to say

- Let's see - as he stretches out his hand, beckoning me to get on the helicopter with him, I just say no - I'm going to take advantage of being here and get on with my work, I miss my... your horses - I smile, remembering who's really in charge here

- See you soon then - he kisses my hand, puts his glasses back on and disappears into the helicopter…

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Moving to New York was one of the best choices I could have made, I still miss the farm and the horses I used to train, seven months is a long time without riding, without feeling the wind whipping my hair and the horse's breath synchronized with mine, intelligent and sensitive animals those, able to understand me better than any human being, not to mention the always cold climate of New York and the people always in a hurry and who didn't seem to see you…

Max showed up here four times during that time, none of them telling me he was coming, and I didn't really care, he proved to be great company, we ended up watching something or talking about trivial matters, the last time I just watched as he worked, the sleeves of his dress shirt folded up to his elbows, his tense body hunched forward, looking at a pile of papers, his hair still in place even after hours of work, that day he wore a petrol blue vest and my legs felt weak from watching him concentrate, I can still feel the slight dampness between my legs just with the memory...

I shake my head, trying to concentrate on the papers in front of me, the many books spread out in front of me, having chosen political science as my major is killing me...

I stand up a little to stretch, the black baby doll rides up my back as I stretch and reach for a book on the other side of the table

- Ufhh - I hear a loud sigh behind me and I jump up looking over my shoulder with my heart racing from the shock.

- Hey, it's you - I giggle, going over to Max to give him a hug - I got a fright.

- I didn't mean to - he smiles and hugs me back, his chin resting on the top of my head while his hands go around my waist and rest on my hips, stroking with his thick fingers.

- You look tired - I say, noticing the soft dark circles under his brown eyes, today he's just wearing a white shirt, a black suspender that matches his dress pants and Italian shoes, his jacket hanging on the rack in the hallway

- It's been a long week - he goes into the kitchen, ignoring the papers scattered on the counter, all the things I need to study for next week's exam - I'm going to open some wine to relax, will you join me?

He shakes a bottle of Domaine Leflaive Montrachet, I didn't know much about wine, but I knew it wasn't the cheap stuff I sometimes drank at night while studying, it would certainly be one of the most expensive wines in the world, and even though I'd love to share a glass with him, I thought I'd better not risk it

- It's better not - I say laughing, watching as he pours a good amount into a glass and then grabs another from the cupboard that I can barely reach without standing on my tiptoes, he doesn't even have to stretch - Wine has an effect on me very quickly - smiling in a corner and a little miffed at having been...flirtatious, I shrug, looking away and going into the living room to find something to watch.

- Oh, you're not going to do that, are you? - I saw him coming with both of them in his hand, both with two fingers of wine in each

Well, since it was in the glass, I wasn't going to waste it. I sat down and picked up the glass and he sat down next to me and started telling me about his turbulent day. I loved it when he told me about his problems and asked me for advice on how to act in certain situations where he had to deal with emotion, because according to him, he didn't have a heart, he was 100% rational and that's how you won in life...

He loved how much I paid attention to every word he said and with my raised eyebrows I only ignored when he said that this world would eat me alive if I kept being so sweet...

- Little one, ignore what I say about you being sweet, keep it up, bring balance... it's just today that was - he gasps tiredly, leaning back against the sofa, while I finished my second glass of wine...

And I saw how comfortable he was with me, tie loosened, two buttons open, sleeves folded...

Max pulled my legs apart and let me rest on his lap, his big, warm hand sliding down my calf to my knee as we laughed to some movie playing at a very low volume in the background. I wasn't even paying attention anymore.

And with the first sip of the third glass, my legs itched where I felt his skin touching them, I felt hot and wet, my stomach light and my thoughts running like torrents in my head. When I felt his fingers on my lower thigh, I let out a low moan, unable to disguise the way he was touching me, my skin so tingling that it was impossible for him not to have noticed the hairs on my arm that were bristling

- Max - I moaned again when he put my legs on his lap and I felt the huge erection there

I don't know who moved first, who pulled who or how it happened, I just realized that I was straddling his lap, my thighs hugging his hips while I was right on top of his big, bulging erection. His mouth hit mine hungrily and the low moan I heard made me gasp and get even more aroused, my panties practically sticking to my wet pussy as I began to roll slowly onto his lap

Our tongues intertwined as he deepened the kiss, the wet kiss, with teeth and bites, that slow kiss that leaves your legs weak and your heart racing wildly in your chest. Max's hands grabbed my ass and pressed it hard against his cock, making me moan even more into his mouth, fuck yes, I could feel his length right on my clit. My hands on his face, holding him back for fear that he might run away from me, even though I was the one who should have run away...

- We can't, shit this is wrong - I gasped as our mouths parted

He grabbed me by the back of the neck and pulled me into another kiss, silencing my protests. One of his domineering hands went to my waist and guided me back into the movements so that we could rub together.

My hands now in his hair, gripping and squeezing the back of his neck, we looked like two teenagers who had never experienced a hard-on before in their lives.

I pushed his chest so that he lay back on the sofa and I opened the remaining buttons button by button, so lost in my own hard-on that I could barely think, and just feeling was taking an enormous effort. My hands were shaking, I don't know if it was because I was so horny or because I was so tense that it was really happening. That's when I felt his fingers squeezing my ass, making me rub my honeyed pussy, covered only by the thin fabric of my panties, even harder against his hard cock.

No, it definitely wasn't another dream about Maxwell Lord, he was there, touching me eagerly and thirsty for me too...

As much as it hurt between my legs, I really wanted to taste him. I moved away enough to unzip Max's pants, it was a martyrdom and he complained when he no longer felt the heat of my body so close to his.

When I sidestepped your mouth, kissing your cheek, then biting your neck, dragging my tongue across your chest and past one of your nipples, I looked up and saw your naughty, cornered smile.

- "It's so wrong, Max, but I want it so much," I said whimpering, the weight of my conscience trying to bring some sense to my horny thoughts.

- I want it too, little one, I've always wanted it - he caresses my cheek and just that light touch gives me the strength to continue, he lifts his hips when I pull his underpants down a little to release his erection.

His cock is big, so big that my eyes widen in surprise. It must be about 18 centimeters long, with veins and a bulbous head that's red and irritated with lust, the little pearly drop at the tip makes me salivate with desire as if I hadn't sucked a cock in 84 years.

- You're so beautiful here," I say, stretching out my tongue and catching the drop of pre-cum, moaning when I taste it on my tongue.

- That's it, my little whore, I want to see all my cock in that delicious mouth." The thick, husky voice makes me sigh, he gathers all my hair in his fist and guides my head towards the huge head of his cock.

I wrap my mouth around it, taking in every inch, taking care not to scrape my teeth, I feel his strong thighs tense under my fingers, and I look up in time to see his head falling back and his eyes closing, his fingers tighten in my hair and he pushes slowly so that I swallow more.

- Go on, a bit more, swallow all of my cock - he says quietly, as if he can't keep the strength in his voice and God, I love being able to do that to him.

I relax my throat and swallow the remaining centimeters, feeling the head of his cock touch my throat and throb with my tongue

- Oh, fuck. You're so good at sucking me small

I moved up and down, pressing my lips around the veins and dragging my tongue along the underside, his fingers gripped my hair tightly, immobilizing me, and then he fucked my mouth, pumping, making the head of his cock slip into the back of my mouth again and again.

I grabbed his balls and massaged them between my fingers, motivated by the moans and grunts Max let out as he fucked my mouth.

- Oh my God, stop or I'll come - God, I was loving how he was begging me, the mighty Maxwell Lord, begging me?

He kept begging me as he tried to stop me from continuing.

But I squeezed my lips tighter around his length, my tongue swirling around and over the slit at the tip every time I almost pulled it out of my mouth and then swallowed as much as I could.

I could feel his balls throbbing in my fingers, my legs tensed and he thrust one last hard thrust, moaning as he came in my mouth, the thick strands of cum running down my throat, making me smile and suck the tip clean.

When I sat on his leg, I wiped the corners of my mouth with my thumb, saw how his brown eyes were blazing at me and how his chest was rising and falling while his breathing still hadn't returned to normal...

Max settled down with me on his lap again, one hand sliding up my thigh to grab my ass and the other wiping away the tears that had formed in my eyes when I slid his cock into my mouth.

- I thought I'd told you to stop - he says, squeezing my cheeks with his hand and without leaving me time to reply, he kisses me, tasting himself in my mouth and exploring everything with his tongue

I feel a naughty finger passing through my ass and going to the tight bundle of nerves making me a little tense but then he goes down moaning in my mouth when he feels my panties all wet, pulling them aside he runs two fingers through my pussy and sighs biting my bottom lip

- All wet for me, little one, look how you've made my fingers wet - he brings his wet fingers in front of my face before putting them in his mouth and sucking on them, making a Ploc with his lips.

I'm not a silent person, not really, but my brain seems so melted and full of serotonin that I can't think of anything witty to say in reply

- It's very nice here - Max says, grabbing my ass with both hands, his fingers so firm that I know I'll have his fingerprints all over me the next day - But my bed is bigger - he adds as he pulls me onto his lap.

Fuck that's wrong, very, very wrong. But fuck, I'm in love.

- Don't you think it's a bit strange? Us doing this, huh? - I ask, kissing his neck as he carries me towards the master bedroom he always uses when he comes over...

- No, nothing's wrong here - he presses his fingers into my ass and throws me onto the bed, making me squeal with laughter.

I take a moment just to look at Maxwell Lord, he looks like a Greek god of sex and sin, his hair, which has always been in order even after hours of work, is messy, his tie is open and hanging from his strong neck, his white shirt is open, showing the few hairs on his chest and the way to his doom, his forearms with thick, visible veins are bare and the fabric is folded up.

His suspenders are down, falling close to his knees, and his open pants show his black boxer briefs. On his face is the damn corner smile that makes me gasp and squeeze my legs together

Realizing how affected I am by the sight of him still dressed, he makes no effort to take off his clothes. Instead, he climbs onto the big bed on his knees like a lion ready to corner its prey, pushes my knees apart with his hands and stares at me seriously, taking off my baby doll shorts, and then when he grabs the ends of my panties, he tugs hard, tearing the fabric. I take advantage of this and finish taking off the rest so that he can have all of me...

His concentrated eyes focused completely between my legs, his red tongue flicked across my lips and he lowered himself without saying a word, taking a long lick of my soaked slit, from my perineum to my swollen clitoris I could feel the moist touch making me press my fingers into the pillow and close my eyes

- You have such a sweet little pussy - he said, giving it another long lick, making my legs tremble with tension - I'm going to love spending hours here

- Ho-hours? - I ask, choking when I feel his tongue penetrating my entrance and I feel his fingers parting my lips to give him better access - Fuck, Max, I'm not coming...

I grow silent as he runs his tongue up my clitoris in tight, languid circles, sucking and rubbing the nerve endings.

- Shiiiiiu, you're going to take it, I'm going to make you take it - he says with a cocky smile, always overbearing, and I love it - I'm going to give my little whore everything she needs, don't worry little one...

He adds a second finger to the first and goes back to sucking all over my pussy except the point where I need it, he licks and bites my lips, takes his fingers out and then sticks his tongue in as far as he can and then comes back with his fingers, driving me crazy, making me gasp and moan with abandon. The heat between my legs spreads to my belly and down my legs, my head feels heavy and I try to keep my eyes open looking at his handsome face as he pleasures me

Whenever I'm close to cumming, he slows down, making the shivers of orgasm go away and leaving me on the edge of the precipice of wonderful cumming and frustration, frustration that he soon pushes away as he begins his torture all over again.

- Oh shit, I never thought you'd be a patient man - I moan between my teeth when I feel the light blow right on my clit making me shiver and moan

The light slap on my breast came as punishment and then I felt his fingers roll over the nipple and squeeze the hard tip making me even crazier, pushing my hips towards him.

- I'm very patient - he punctuates by slipping a finger into me again, slowly in and out several times - You have no idea how much - a second finger joins the first and the movements speed up making me hopeful that he's finally going to make me come - I've had to wait a few years for this, I'm going to fuck you all night - he mumbles this last part, as if he thinks I'm going to refuse.

It seems so.

Three of his big, thick fingers fuck me and when they're all the way inside me he curves them slightly upwards, touching something very close to what I need. When his tongue touches my clit and I hear the moan of appreciation, I don't need much more than one or two stimulations to finally explode in an orgasm that makes me shudder and scream his name, my eyes shut tightly as my lungs explode with the air I didn't even realize I was holding.

It takes a while to feel his weight on top of me, his hand running down my leg from my calf to my thigh and pulling it towards his hip. I felt the big head of his cock at my entrance and stifled a surprised yelp when it slid all the way in in one hard, fluid movement

- Aah, fuck, don't move - I say panting, pressing my hands that were previously dead on the mattress to his back, trying to hold his body to mine and keep him still.

- "Fuck, you've got a huge cock," I complain, but I can't stop myself from smiling when I feel the lips on my neck - which had been kissing there before - stretching and the breath of his kettle laugh close to my ear.

- I'm not going to move - Max says, lifting his tight lips in concentration, his eyes two small, shiny slits, the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth appearing

- You're so fucking small everywhere, aren't you?

Now it's my turn to laugh. He squeezes my ass hard as if staying still like this is too much of an effort, I kiss his chin, and his neck, run my nails lightly down his back and try to roll over feeling a little wider for his cock and less uncomfortable, when I do it a second time he understands that it's okay and pulls out only halfway and then enters again with a slower movement Breathing hard

- Faster - I'm almost begging as I start to feel ready again, the easy slide of his cock because of how wet I've gotten from the first orgasm.

Max kisses me deeply, his tongue assaulting me in a slow kiss as he thrusts hard and goes all the way inside me, I gasp into his mouth and he swallows all my moans. The sound of our bodies fills the room, the thrusts getting faster and stronger, the hand that was on my ass goes up to my breast, paying attention to my nipples while the other holds him above me

- I'm so close," I say, still listening to his dirty whispers in my ear.

- "Then come for me, lick all over my cock," he murmurs and I almost scream at the shocks I feel when his fingers reach between us and rub my clit.

I feel another wave through my body, this one calm and spreading through all my limbs, without being that crazed explosion, every part seems to heat up, shivering and tensing and then the relief comes like gentle waves of the sea kissing my skin and sliding between my legs. I'm so soft and lost that it takes me a while to realize he's moved away, his sweaty chest no longer touching mine and the fabric of his pants rubbing against my legs.

Max turns me over on my stomach and puts a pillow under my belly. He slams both hands down on my ass, making a loud pop, and shoves his cock into me again without slowing down as before.

I've never been quiet during sex but I can't think of anything to say or do, I can only enjoy the sensation of him so deep inside me. I know he's about to come when his thrusts become frantic and erratic, his fingers press hard into my hips as I meet his movements, he pulls out again cursing and cursing and I feel the hot come hitting my back and ass, I turn to look at him over my shoulder, Max has his head thrown back, his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open, the veins in his forearm are so dilated that I can see the slightly green color, his shirt is open, his chest is heaving and I can still see his pants halfway down his thighs.

With a long sigh, he opens his eyes and smiles at me. With two fingers, he spreads his cum all over my ass and uses them to lightly stroke my asshole, making me tense up a little.

- Relax, little one, we've got all night - he reminds me with his other hand caressing my back, lightly slipping just the tip of his finger into the cluster of muscles and nerves and smiling again as I try not to tense up - Hasn't anyone ever played with you here?

- No, sir, Lord." I nod, smiling, still looking at him over my shoulder.

- Then let's take a shower, today everything you have will be mine. - Stretching out his hand to help me, since I looked weak...

I'd never dared to go into the bathroom of Max's suite, but once I went into his room when he wasn't there just to get another blanket because it was a cold night in New York and I felt like an intruder in that place.

Max always liked a lot of luxury, and his bathroom was no different, a rectangular bathtub that ran from one wall to the other, almost a swimming pool, not that I hadn't had luxury in my life, I had until the moment I took my father to be free, and I'm sure that if I hadn't done that, this night wouldn't be happening.

Max turned on the taps as the bath filled up, and I just watched him as he moved around, still in his clothes, standing in front of the sink, removing his rings, his Swiss watch, he looked at me in the mirror with a smile in his corner as I watched his every move sitting on the edge of the bath, waiting for the moment when my body would actually touch his... he was enjoying seeing the effect he was having on me.

- Come on, little one, I'll help you get in - taking me by the hand to help me

- Hey, but you...?

- Shiiiu, just obey me...

I've never been one to obey anyone, but he had me like under a spell, so I did, I sat in the bath, the water warm, he was still sitting outside, he took my hand, stuck two fingers in my mouth, making them wet.

He took my hand to the middle of my legs...

-When I'm not here, and you touch yourself, do you think of me? - pushing my hand deeper inside me and pulling it back

- "I-I do, sir," I said, biting my lower lip.

-And when you come, do you call my name?

- S- yes... - I moaned low, like a whimper, not sure if I was too shy to confess that I was thinking of him like that, or if my voice failed me because of the hard-on that was taking over my body.

- So now you're going to touch yourself, while I watch you until you come for me, little one...

He stood up, leaned against the sink, crossed his arms at chest height, he looked me up and down, as if he owned me, and that night, he did...

- Go on, you can start... he motioned with his head for me to start for him... and I readily obeyed...

I put one leg on either side of the bath, so that he could see me completely, I leaned my head back a little and left my hands where he put them, I felt the slight shocks on my clit as I moved my fingers up and down, Max just watched me with his lower lip bitten.

- Moan louder for me little one - he ordered

It didn't take much effort at that point, as I started to circle my fingers, I felt a wave of pleasure coming over me, and another orgasm coming as I whispered his name, just like those nights when I wanted him...

Max enjoyed everything to the end and approached the bathtub, I was still gasping from my last orgasm when I saw him finally take off his shirt, leaving it on the floor... and then his pants and underwear.

I adjusted myself in the bath as he got in and pulled me close to him, I felt his hands on the back of my neck and his lips on mine, a long kiss...

I could finally feel his body on mine, the touch of his skin on mine, as we kissed I enjoyed every bit of him with my hands, I squeezed his strong arms, smoothed my hands down his back a little, until I reached his ass, where I squeezed slowly and felt him smile in the middle of the kiss.

- I never thought that behind all your sweetness, you were hiding this horny woman - tucking my hair behind my ear

- Does that bother you?

- No, of course not, it surprised me in fact, in a positive way, I don't think I'd have the patience to teach you things - smiling

- Always overbearing, aren't you Maxwell Lord - squinting - Can I ask you a question?

- Of course...

- You said today that you've waited years for this... what do you mean? You're not going to tell me that since I was 18, like in those novels we read and the guy is just waiting for the girl to come of age and? - he interrupts me

- Buurf - he snorts - Of course not, it was later... actually - he seems to remember when it was - Remember a Thanksgiving about five years ago?

- And how can I forget...

- It was that day, you were already 21, in college, doing law, and in the middle of dinner, while your father was talking about what your life would be like, you stood up and said you'd dropped out of college four months ago

- My father almost had a heart attack that day - I remember with wide eyes

- Yes, the vein in his forehead popped out - Max laughs as he remembers the scene -

That's when I saw you as a woman for the first time... and then when you came with the excuse of training the horses at the stud farm, because you had nowhere to stay, since your father had cut down everything?

- But I really wanted to train the horses... I just wanted to combine the useful with the pleasant

- Did you know that I started visiting that stud farm more after you went there? And I loved watching you from the balcony in the late afternoon while you rode...

I'd never seen you like that, talking about your memories with such sincerity, even more so with me...

- So you mean I was in Max Lord's thoughts? - I try to be overbearing, but he doesn't answer, he just raises an eyebrow at me, pulling me closer to him as he glues his mouth to mine again...

His kiss is slow, but hard, as if he doesn't want to lose any of me there, one of his hands holding me by the back of the neck, under my hair, and the other gluing me to him, down my hips, lifting one of my legs, I feel his thumb passing through my bct, I moan softly into his mouth, he sticks his thumb in quickly before going down a little further, I feel the tension when he starts to caress my ass, and he says into my mouth.

-Just relax

My body trembles, I hold him by the nape of the neck as he thrusts deeper and deeper, letting out low moans still in his mouth...

- Max...

He continues until he's halfway in, and pulls it back out, slowly making his way back in, his mouth descending to my neck, while I felt his tongue licking it, he played with my ass as he wanted...

- It won't be good for you here - he whispered in my ear - Let's go back to bed, so I can fuck your ass…

************************************************************************

Max lay down on top of me, pulled the hair out of my face and kissed me affectionately

- I promise I'll be careful, I just need you to trust me, okay, little one? Brushing his nose against my cheek

I just nodded, I was tense, but I wanted him there so much...

Max put me on my side and lay down behind me, like a little mattress, I felt his bare chest touch my back and his lips kissed the back of my neck, going down to my shoulders, his hand was now searching for my pussy, he opened me up a little to reach my clit, making me wet again, he ran his fingers inside it, taking as much of my libido as he could, and began to caress my ass calmly while still kissing the back of my neck, I felt the head of his huge cock forcing its way in, my body tensed.

- shiiiiii, calm down, if it hurts, just tell me

Him whispering in my ear was just what I needed to relax, my hand gripping the mattress as I felt him invading me, at first I thought it would hurt more, but I was anesthetized and held by Max's huge arms, he kept thrusting halfway in, his hand started holding my neck, taking the air out of me a little, as if he was going to suffocate me, I felt his hot breath in my ear

- You're so tight, baby," he snorted.

I thrust my hips more towards him, causing more of his cock to enter me, I felt him gasp and hold my hips, Max started to pump hard and slow while moaning and whispering in my ear, his hand went down from my hip to my clit where he started to touch me while he pounded faster and faster into my ass, I was in ecstasy, feeling his hips already hitting my ass, and his moans getting louder and louder

- Come for me again little one - as he circled my clit with his fingers - I'm going to come inside your ass now

I'd lost count of how many times Max had made me come so far, but I could feel the next wave coming, and God, him pumping so deep into my ass was really driving me crazy...

I thrust my hips even more as I came, and I called his name loudly MAX... I gasped loudly and heard him moan, straddling me as he pumped his entire cock into my ass, Max moaned loudly and stroked his face through my hair, and I felt him come inside me, his sweaty body glued to mine as our breathing returned to normal, I felt him slowly pull out of me

- You were great, little one - he whispered in my ear - better than in my fantasies...

Max turned me towards him, smoothing my hair out of my face... he smoothed my cheek and kissed my forehead, then went down to my mouth, lay down and pulled me to his chest...

When I woke up Max wasn't in bed with me. If it weren't for the insistent pain in all the right places on my body I might think it was just another one of my torrid dreams about him, but the throbbing pain in my pussy and ass won't let me forget that so quickly

Good Mr. Maxwell Lord, I look forward to your next visit...

PEDRITA PASCAL

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my-castles-crumbling · 3 months

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its intrusive thoughts anon!

here to give you 11-15 yr old advice

basically, number one PLEASSSEE allow them to eat.

like if theyre hungry because most students dont have breakfast since theyre running late for school and they wait hours until break/recess to eat, which obv hinders with their learning. so like small things like a chocolate or some candies, allow them that.

next, keep an eye out for the students which take sometime to understand and dont make thme feel dumb. which ig you probably wont do and teachers arent supposed to but ive seen way too many teachers do that for it to be normal.

dont separate students from their friends even if theyre talking but are still completing their work on time.

if a student is repeatedly finishing their work early, have some kind of separate more intense activity for them or let them goof around.

the more you try to confine them, the more likely they are to act out (coming from a kid who uses to cut erasers and have eraser fights with their 4 friends after finishing work)

let the children either group themselves lr if you're going to do it, group them togetehr based on how they perform. dont create diverse groups because then youd be going back and forth alot instead of dividing your time between just a few groups of chiodren who need help.

ALWAYS BE VIGILANT!!! you turn around and theyre throwing shoes at eachother i kid you not.

also keep an eye out for children who dont have friends/are getting bullied. more often than not, you cant stop it, but just ig kinda be there for them.

last but not least give like extensions to children who need it. dont do it so often as to where they start to expect it, but do it for those who may be struggling mentally, or having trouble.

they'll appreciate you sm more

ACTUAL LASTLY, i wish i was taught by you lol but even if i could id be over the age limit🤸🤸

Hi!!! <3 I hope you're doing well!

Okay, I actually have a clarifying question about this one :D You say don't create diverse groups, right? But I feel like if I create groups based on ability, wouldn't that cause bullying if students realize they're grouped according to need? AND Wouldn't it be more fun to work with a classmate who could help you, rather than taking help from the teacher? Obviously, I don't mind doing my job (it's why I chose it lol) but I've always been under the impression that some kids prefer to ask their friends for help, rather than the teacher, because it's less...like it takes less of their independence? It's less embarrassing? Not that it should be, but I remember being in school and feeling embarrassed to ask the teacher for help.

Genuinely asking, what do you think is the better way to group as far as social ramifications? I try to be very aware about making sure kids don't feel dumb, even of they're struggling (nobody should ever feel dumb for needing help!) and I know middle school has more bullying and peer pressure than elementary school, so I don't want to add to any low self confidence.

#ask #asks #ask cas #cas asks?#intrusive thoughts anon

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ptolemys-cas · 2 months

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recently ive noticed a quite prominent switch in boys behaviour around me. im not sure if i was just oblivous before, or if it really has changed this quickly, but it seems like suddenly im some kind of sexual object. the old men on the street stare when i wear my jean shorts, and the creepy guy at the tills calls me "sweetheart" and "darling" while he's ringing me up for an apple juice and a bag of gummy worms, and when i go for early morning walks the cars full of drunk boys all call me a slut, a faggot, or a bitch. usually its a combination of all three.

i don't do anything at all to elicit these reactions. i was walking to the corner shop in a hoodie and baggy jeans with my huge clunky boots just the other day, and a guy well into his forties said i had a "pornstar face". he quite honestly couldn't have seen my face, considering i had my hood up, a facemask covering my bottom half, and my fringe flopping over my eyes and forehead, so not only is he odd but he's also just plain ignorant, and it's really quite strange.

i used to be so comfortable around boys. most of my friends are boys, and i grew up with tons of boy-friends, and when im with them i suppose its still fine because the old men tend to pipe down when im in a group, but the old men still stare. and even now i can feel a divide between me and my boy-friends that wasn't there before. i used to be able to talk to them about anything regardless of gender, as they would to me, and now its like "oh, but that's a girl problem". and it's like, no, you dingus, its just problems, i sat there and listened to you complain about that time you got kicked in the balls so hard it ruptured a testicle, jack, and that's certainly a boy problem if ever ive heard one.

this is kinda aimless, but im just spewing my thoughts out onto my keyboard. moral of the story.. uh, don't be a girl? i guess????

(p.s; i still can't figure out if im non-binary. cause i call myself a girl and i dress rather feminine, but if someone uses she/her on me or uses my real life name it kinda makes me want to throw up. so. eh)

#cas does original posts #thoughts of a nobody teenager

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lostacelonnie · 1 year

Note

Definitely understandable i easily lose the energy to talk with people when i have to interact with family. So you're good. Ah yes the dont worry about it approach my favorite. Especially when what you do in regards to you is your business. Well between last message & now i forgot so thats a good indicator of how thats goin. Beaches over here are hit & miss but the closer ones to me arent as popular thankfully. Hm. What is a2 knowledge & how is it getting worse? I adore colder climates heat is not kind to me at all. Tents are. Well. Some are decently priced depending on how big of one you get. Oh i definitely recommend going with friends its a lot of fun. Ive been slacking a bit on the game but so far clara is workin for me. Probably wont have enough for kafka. Oooh good luck to you with all your pulls. Story spoilers aren't a major thing for me because the how is always still fun. Definitely understand some just dont want em at all. Every time i try minecraft im like. Never sure what i want to do. So kudos to you for stickin with the game & having fun. Smaller cities are nice love having close stuff without being in like. A big city. Ah dang i hope you find that dye again in the future. Makeup is hard it should be easier for those who wanna wear it. Ive been so busy i missed. So many events whoops. Problem of bein stuck level gaining to continue story. Motivation is hard to come by. I busy myself reading or looking up new science discoveries when i dont wanna leave my room.

thankies ahdhfjfj!!! and, once again, apologies for the late reply. my grandma fortunately left a while ago but i was feeling Cranky and didnt wanna sound Annoyed With Existing ahdjfh. still kinda dying inside since i return to school in 2 weeks but fuck it we ball we stay silly etc. COMING BACK. yeah like "nobodys gonna know-" "theyre gonna know." "how would they know". and understandable sjdkfgjk consider this your reminder then. and ahh fair i live pretty far away from the sea so i dont really know good Spots i guess. BUT i do like lake beaches since theyre way more quiet most of the time. and basically im not exactly sure in how many countries it applies, im thinking most of europe? but essentially language knowledge here is divided by levels, a1 -> a2 -> b1 -> b2 -> c1 -> c2 with c2 being the highest. and well i guess theres also a0 but thats just when you start. a2 is just speaking Basic English, so like enough to survive if you go to an english speaking country but not much more. for reference, by tests ive done, my level is like between b2 and c1 so very decent but i dont know most of the "fancier" and more specific words. and with it "getting worse" i mean that [at least from what our teacher told us] the textbooks are getting easier and easier so people are leaving school not actually knowing almost anything. yeah SAME its been so hot here recently so ive been Suffering. and yeah i know but me and my mother dont really know if its a good idea to buy one since we dont really go camping anyway. but maybe when im an adult im gonna get more into it, esp if i have ppl to do it with. and ah thats nice to hear!!! i DID manage to get kafka and her lightcone so ive been having fun with her recently. actually overpowered. tho i heard shes quite f2p friendly. and oh understandable!! i unfortunately used to be on tiktok where they spoil EVERYTHING and its impossible to avoid so ever since then ive been extra careful. tho i kinda feel that way ab fontaine rn [cos i ended up actually being kinda interested] since i cant download it rn but still am excited 4 the story despite knowing little unconnected bits. and fair, minecraft def isnt for everyone but its very good for chilling out at least to me. rn im procrastinating on beating the ender dragon so im just maxxing out my gear rn. and yeah but im still gonna see whether or not i wanna live a long way from my family. oh well i still have time. also thanks!!! i have not been successful yet but i bought another dye so im gonna keep you updated on that. and ahhhh understandable, ive been Grinding so i didnt have that problem sjfkg i should build my sampo but. ah. i hate grinding artifacts. pretty excited for the 1.3 simulated universe update tho!!! esp since im really curious about the aeons so seeing more of the propagation is sth im looking forward to. but good luck!!! and VERY real i like doing wikipedia deep dives esp about marine animals. im a fishpilled oceancel but i unfortunately suffer from Not Remembering Anything Ive Read Ever.

#also ive been playing a lot of rain world lately!!! terribly hard but in a fun way #asks #pen pals

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tuiccim · 4 years

Text

Almost Had Me Believing It - Part 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 1569

Warnings: Mutual pining, smut

Summary: An undercover operation playing Bucky Barnes’ wife is a dream come true. Playing house in the suburbs while trying to take down a drug ring brings you and Bucky closer but a nosy neighbor causes trouble in paradise.

A/N: Divider by @whimsicalrogers

Almost Had Me Believing It Series Masterlist

A few days later you and Bucky sit at breakfast discussing how to get more information about Frank.

“Well, we know one way I could get in his house but I’d rather chew glass.” You grouse.

“You, uh, you don’t find him attractive?” Bucky stutters.

“No. I mean, Frank’s a good looking guy, but he’s not a good person. He gives me the creeps, honestly.” You shudder.

Bucky reins in his smile at hearing that. He hated the idea of you liking any other man. At some point while running through the meadow yesterday, he realized you weren’t afraid of him. He was chasing you and you had this glorious smile on your face. There was no fear or anxiety about you as he tackled you to the ground. You had laughed as he did it and held onto him during the ride as if you felt safe with him. It was nothing short of a miracle in Bucky’s eyes. Very few people in his life watched him approach them without some apprehension in their eyes or tension in their body and nobody looked to him as a refuge of safety but you had. He still didn’t think he deserved it but he was determined to be a safe place and friend to you.

“He’s not like you.” You say the sentence, pulling Bucky out of his thoughts, while causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach.

“Like me?” Bucky says in surprise.

“You’re a good looking guy but you’re also good and sweet and kind. You want to help people, not destroy them, not hurt them. And you don’t give me the creeps.” You laugh lightly hoping to cover the emotions you feel towards the man in front of you.

Bucky chuckles, “I’m glad I don’t give you the creeps.”

“Not at all.” You smile at him.

“You’re a peach.”

You smile at him and then the light bulb goes on over your head, “I have an idea.” You grab a large cup from the cabinet.

“What are you doing?” Bucky asks.

“Well, we are out of sugar.”

“No, we’re not. It’s right there on the counter.”

You take the container and dump it out in the trash, “Oops. As I was saying, we’re out of sugar. I’m gonna go borrow a cup from our neighbor.”

“How does that get us more information about him?”

“He’ll invite me in and I’ll plant a bug.” You say as you pull one of the devices out of your pocket.

“I’ll go with you.” Bucky says.

“That’d look a little strange. Maybe he’ll let his guard down if I’m alone.”

“I don’t like you being alone with him.”

“I’ll be fine, Bucky. If I can take you to the mat I don't think I’ll have a problem with Frank.” You smirk at the supersoldier. Bucky gives you a nod and crosses his arms looking unhappy. “I’ll be back.” You say as you head for the door.

Frank answers his front door within a couple of minutes and smiles, “Hey. What’s up?”

“I’ve come to beg a favor of a benevolent neighbor.” You repeat the phrase Frank had used a few days ago.

Frank laughs, “Are you in need of coffee?”

“Sugar. I knocked the container over and lost it all on the floor. Do you have some to spare?” You keep your expression self-deprecating and sweet.

“Of course. Come on in. I have all kinds of sugar you can have, gorgeous.”

“I just need the white granulated kind,” you giggle as you slip past him into the house.

You follow Frank to the kitchen. He takes the cup from your hand and goes to the pantry to retrieve the sugar for you. Taking a quick assessment of the available real estate for a bug, you attach it to a space where you hope it can pick up sound in both the kitchen and living room.

“So, I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you.” Frank says as he emerges.

“Yeah?”

“About a job.”

“Oh! Great. Where?” You ask.

“Do you have any bookkeeping experience?” Frank asks.

“Yes. I worked for a couple of small offices where I doubled as the office manager as well as nurse. I’m pretty decent at that kind of thing. Where’s the job?”

“Here.”

“What?” You look at him utterly confused.

“You know I’m a landlord and I have several properties. I need someone to do billing, take the payments, handle utilities, deal with the tenant requests. The accounting side has never been my strong suit and I added three more properties in the past year. It would just be part-time. If you're interested…”

“Part-time is exactly what I’m looking for right now. Do you want me to bring you a resume?”

“I’ll take you at your word.” Frank winks. “Why don’t you come back after lunch and I’ll have everything together for us to look at?”

“Are you sure about this? I don’t want to take advantage of our friendship, Frank.”

“I’m sure, gorgeous.” Frank puts an arm around your shoulders as he walks you to the door. “I’ll see you this afternoon, right?”

“Okay. Thanks, Frank.” You smile as you head back to your house. You find Bucky in the office messing with the receiver. “Is it working?”

“As soon as you attached it, I could hear everything. A job offer, huh?” Bucky raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah. A lot of access that way.” You smile.

“A lot of time alone with you.” Bucky grouses.

“I’ll be okay, Bucky. This is good.”

You had spent the afternoon with Frank going over everything with him touching you nearly constantly. Your skin crawled but you managed to play him off. His books really were a mess and you arranged to work with him for the next few afternoons to get things in order. This would afford you the opportunity to plant more bugs. Hopefully, this would also help you gain Frank’s trust and get him to eventually reveal his not so legal dealings. Bucky was unhappy with your report of the afternoon. He did not like you spending so much time alone with Frank.

“Come here, Doll.” Bucky beckons to you from the living room.

“What’s up?” You ask.

Bucky puts his arms around you and his hands grab your ass, “Jump.”

You wrap your arms around Bucky’s neck and jump wrapping your legs around him. Bucky presses you against the wall and you whisper, “Frank watching us?”

“Yup.” Bucky says as he presses his lips to the side of your neck. You arch your neck to give him better access. “Thought he might need another show. Don’t want him getting any ideas that you working for him is gonna get him anywhere.”

“I appreciate that.” You are desperately trying to hold in your moans as Bucky kisses your neck and your hands grasp his hair. Giving in to your own impulse, you pull his head back and meet his lips with your own. Bucky melds his mouth to yours and you feel his hands flex their grasp on your ass. His tongue slides into your mouth and the moan you had been holding in slips out. Your hips shift of their own accord and you can feel Bucky’s erection pressed against you. Bucky pushes away from the wall and carries you down the hallway. He pulls his lips away from yours and gently lowers you to the floor outside your room.

“You okay?” He asks.

“Yeah, you?”

“Yeah.” He looks at you for a moment. “I hope you didn’t mind. I know I was touching-”

“Bucky. It’s fine. You’re just trying to keep Frank off me. I appreciate that. Plus, you're my husband, right?” You smile.

“Yeah. I just, I don’t want to take advantage of the situation.” Bucky says.

“I know you wouldn’t do that, Bucky. Don’t worry, okay? Good night.” You hug him around his torso and scurry into your room.

Bucky retreats to his room and flops down on the bed. You had reassured him that you knew he wouldn’t take advantage, but that’s exactly what he was doing. He saw an opportunity to touch you again and he couldn’t pass it up. You had felt and tasted just as sweet as the first time he’d touched you a few nights ago. You were the one who’d kissed him though. For a minute, he allowed himself to indulge in the thought that you had wanted it, that you had enjoyed it. That your moan had been real. The kiss had been real. The way you rolled your hips against him was because you wanted him, too.

Bucky’s hand moved of their own volition and pushed down his sweats. His cock was painfully hard and he had to relieve the pressure. Fisting himself he remembers your sweet whimpers when he had rutted against you the other night, the moans you released as the two of you kissed tonight, and he imagines his hand is you wrapped around him. He thinks of how wet you would be as he presses into you and the breathy little sounds you’d make as he bottomed out inside you. “Fuck.” Bucky whispers as he imagined your face scrunched up in ecstasy. His hand speeds up as he pictures you riding him and he bucks up into his hand. “Fuck.” he whispers one more time as he comes all over his stomach.

Part 5

Masterlist

Permanent: @bubbabarnes @badassbaker @thefridgeismybestie @strangersstranger @cherthegoddess @buckyluvrs @sherlocksmanwatson @cap-n-stuff @finleyjayne @caplanreads @connie326 @daydreamerinadazedworld @bugsbucky @chrisevanscardigan @harrysthiccthighss @palaiasaurus64 @rebekahdawkins @maaaaarveeeeel @tllynn15 @learisa @jelly-fishy-babie @fistmebuckyskywalker @nerdy-bookworm-1998 @liebs82 @honestly-dontknow @a-really-bi-girl @saiyanprincessswanie @baddie-barnes @aikeia @paleo-runaway @marvelgirl7 @starlightcrystalline @xxloki81xx @kcd15 @slytherinambitious @sallycanwait68 @slytherdorxmd @fangirlforever2412 @rainbowkisses31 @whisperlullaby @thejemersoninferno @thehumanistsdiary @supraveng @dispatchvampire @juenenfeu @sxbby-barnes @allonszassbutt @y-napotat @reallymagnificentinfluencer @is-it-madness @harold231 @buckysbaby32 @purselover23 @ene-rene @chrisevansbaby @rosesanchez12298806 @xxpapasfritasxx

Almost had me believing it: @farfromjustordinary @iheartsebastianstan @7minutes-tomidnight @thechaoticargonaut @marylimlp @buckybarnesdevotee @janaienaae @its-a-simply-me-thing @rosalynshields @oliviastan17 @onlyjamesbuchananbarnes @fangirl-swagg @wrdro @vicmc624 @lokilokilokilokilokiloki @fangirl-swagg @jonhsrevelation @ivettt @detroitobsessed @mypoisonedvine @thebuckysoldier @teenagedreams-bucky @chipilerendi @bloodyproudpotterhead @jaywolf840 @mysfitdragony564 @disasterbii @daddys-minty-princess @whatrambles @emmabarnes @pitypartycityy @srrymydood @legendarysuitstudentfan @wittyrosebushb @stuckysavedmylive @perfectlymaximumphilosopher @potatopineappleposts1 @yolandamontezistherealwildcat @irishflutiegirl @itsaliceheree @fictionalhoomanofnowhere @thatchickwiththecamera @wendyswildwonders @empath-bunny @the-lake-is-calling @thebadassbitchqueen

Strikethroughs could not be tagged.

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mybrotherinkarkat · 2 years

Text

The Overlooked Ableism of Jane Crocker

The relationship drama within the alpha kids’ group has been subject to a lot of speculation by the fandom. Even within the text you get conflicting reports about who the “bad guy” was in that situation, so it makes sense that the fandom would be divided on the issue. However, I always felt like there was a dimension that was lacking. No one seemed all that interested in pointing out Jane’s ableism

This might seem like an odd claim to make since none of the alpha kids are obviously canonically disabled, but I’m going to make the case that Jake is neurodivergent and that ableism is the root cause of Jane’s anger at him. If you like Jane as a character, that’s fine. If you disagree with my reading of the text, that’s also fine. I’m sleep deprived and probably a little manic and also the kind of person who writes sourced Homestuck meta in 2022, this is just for fun and catharsis

This thing is long, so strap in and click the readmore

The first thing I need to prove is that Jake is neurodivergent. I read him as being autistic and ADHD, but the specifics are up to reader interpretation. My proof of this comes via Caliborn. Andrew Hussie (the character) explicitly states that he has a learning disability

[Image description: a screenshot of black text on a white background. The text reads: Think of all you've done in spite of your learning problems. You don't let your disability hold you back, do you? End ID]

Later, Caliborn says this to Jake.

[Image description: Lime green text on a grey background. Text reads: uu: WHILE TO CASUAL OBSERVERS YOU MIGHT APPEAR. TOO STUPID TO KNOW HOW FAR PANTS ARE SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN YOUR LEGS.

uu: I KNOW THAT IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE. YOU ARE JUST MISUNDERSTOOD.

uu: IT IS POSSIBLE THAT YOU JUST HAVE A SPECIAL MIND.

uu: LIKE ME. End ID]

So Caliborn is the one who points out that Jake is probably neurodivergent. Jake goes on to agree, and to say that he thinks he’s probably having trouble with his friends because there’s something about him they don’t understand

[Image description: Forest green text on a grey background. Text reads: GT: That maybe there is something special about me that nobody can understand. And maybe thats why i always seem to be botching things up the wazoo with my pals. End ID]

So Jake being some form of neurodivergent is canon, and he himself links it to his friend group drama. Why autism and ADHD, though? Well it’s partially because I relate to him, but I do think there's a canon basis. Jake has a tendency to ramble on without realizing the other person isn’t interested (ADHD), has difficulty picking up on social cues (autistic), doubts his own interpretations of those cues (autistic), has strong interests that his friends think are odd (special interests/hyperfixations), talks in a very particular way, and generally feels out of step with everyone around him. His arc from being happily goofy and fun-loving to being folded in on himself and blaming himself for not navigating a tricky social situation well is also the quintessential ND adolescence. We learn, like Jake did, that our ND traits are “bad” and we need to suppress them or earn the ire of those around us

But I digress. Let’s move on to the main event: dissecting the alpha kids’ relationship drama and addressing the ableism. Jane has a crush on Jake, but hasn’t worked up the nerve to confess yet. Jake has picked up on this, but isn’t sure if he’s reading the situation right, so he asks her outright

[Image description: Forest green text on a grey background. Text reads: GT: Maybe its just my imagination but ive picked up on certain lets say hints.

GT: So i have to just come out and ask. End ID]

So Jake isn’t actually as oblivious as his friends frequently joke about behind his back, but he’s not sure if he can trust that he’s picking up the social cues correctly. This is very much an autistic mood. He’s probably been getting signals from his friends for years making it clear that he’s missing something, so he now second-guesses himself

When Jake asks if Jane likes him, she explicitly says that she doesn’t. He’s a little confused, but takes her at her word and believes he misread her friendship as romantic feelings. He doesn’t realize that her replies are so stilted because she’s lying and overwhelmed, and when he points out that she’s being a little odd she brushes him off. She also repeatedly affirms that she wants to be there for him as a friend, and responds with what Jake interprets as genuine interest.

Now, this sets a precedent in Jake’s mind. Jane just told him, outright, that she isn’t interested in him and is okay with him talking to her about his (at the time potential) relationship with Dirk. In the future, when she responds with that same sort of stilted disinterest, he reads it as genuine interest because she told him to

And it’s not like Jane doesn’t know Jake struggles with social cues. As I stated above, the other alpha kids regularly talk about how “oblivious” Jake is behind his back. They all know he struggles to understand them, and they all chalk it up to Jake being weird instead of trying to communicate with him in a way he understands. So Jane knows Jake doesn’t understand that she’s only being polite, and lets him believe she’s okay with this kind of conversation in the future

Meanwhile, in the future, Jake starts up a conversation with Jane that ends in disaster. The first thing that goes wrong is that Jake has forgotten Jane’s birthday (ADHD brain, babey). When she tells him he apologizes profusely and offers to come over right away, but Jane brushes him off and asks why he wanted to talk. He shelves the Dirk angst and tries to just have a friendly conversation, but Jane isn’t interested in his long-winded ramblings and stories he’s told her before (the ADHD vibes are off the charts). When she asks him to get to the point, he then begins telling her about his relationship drama. Jane eventually gets fed up and yells at him to shut up, and this is his response

[Image description: Light blue and forest green text on a grey background. Text reads: GG: Shut up!!!

GT: Errr.

GT: Did i say something wrong? End ID]

Jake has clearly misread the situation, but it’s built on the same misunderstanding of social cues that Jane had previously reinforced. Jane continues to yell at him, and he repeatedly asks her what’s wrong and tries to get her to calm down so that they can talk about it. Instead of that, Jane berates him for talking a lot (ADHD trait), being “clueless” aka missing social cues (autistic trait), not realizing how long it’s been since they talked (ADHD trait), and talking about Dirk a lot (which she previously said she was okay with)

When she finally tries to drop the fact that she used to have feelings for him, she isn’t very clear, and Jake thinks she means she had feelings for Dirk. Remember, she explicitly said that she did not have feelings for Jake. Jake immediately blames himself for not realizing, and insults himself, then apologizes for not realizing their conversations were upsetting her. When she realizes he’s misunderstood again, she screams and flips a table, cancels her birthday party so that he won’t have a chance to talk to her about this in person, and destroys her headset

So let’s recap. Jake stays calm and tries to understand why Jane is upset, apologizes for screwing up, and makes multiple efforts to clear things up between them. Jane throws a tantrum because she got fed up with Jake’s neurodivergent traits, and the misunderstandings that she caused. Granted, she’s dealing with a lot of stress, but they all are

After this, Jane yells at Roxy for a bit and then leaves. Jake has the conversation with Caliborn mentioned above, and not too long after we start the trickster arc

Skipping over those shenanigans, we move to the post-trickster alpha kid conversations. Dirk and Jane talk about their mutual former feelings for Jake now that Dirk and Jake have broken up. Unlike Dirk, Jane doesn’t really acknowledge that her actions might have harmed Jake beyond just jeopardizing their friendship. Jake, for his part, blames himself entirely for everything

Crockertier bullshit aside, this is more or less where things are left with them. Jake’s self esteem ripped to shreds, and Jane relatively unscathed. Obviously this isn’t all Jane’s fault. All the alpha kids (and yes I include Lil’ Hal as an alpha kid) are ableist to Jake to some degree, as well as Vriska (because of course Vriska bullied the disabled kid with self esteem issues, that’s what she does)

So, is Jane being ableist to Jake. Well, she likely doesn’t know he’s neurodivergent, so she’s not doing it with any intentional malice. However, the things she yells at him for are all traits of neurodivergence. Traits that he displays shame and self-loathing for having. The fact is that it doesn’t matter whether or not Jane knew he was ND, or meant to be ableist. Her actions were ableist. She thinks Jake’s ND traits are character flaws, that they make him self-centered and rude, so she feels justified in chewing him out over it

From her perspective this isn’t really a big deal. Jake was obnoxious for a few months, she yelled at him out of frustration, and then she moved on. But from Jake’s perspective this is clearly devastating. He feels like he’s doing everything wrong, that he’s alienating his friends, that he’s a douchemuffin (his word), for… being autistic and ADHD?

No like seriously, what did he actually do wrong? Jake is struggling to keep his head above water in a friend group that sees him struggling and laughs it off instead of helping him fit in. They don’t realize how much this is hurting Jake, or that he needs them to meet him in the middle. Even when they’re nice to him it tends to have an air of pity or amusement. Jane happens to have the most blatant ableist actions, but it’s not all on her

So why is this overlooked? Well, because it’s supposed to be. Jake struggling to communicate is played for laughs, and this is never given the gravity or seriousness that it deserves. While we do see John and Tavrossprite making an effort to help him feel welcome and accepted, there’s never really an examination of how Jake got to this point. Typical Homestuck, especially that late in the comic, but because the comic treats it like a joke the readers treat it like one too

Anyway this was a long and rambly way of saying that Jake English deserved better. Thanks for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day/night/timezone

#jane crocker #jake english #homestuck #hs #meta #anti-jane crocker #not really but i know some people blacklist tags like that so im including it #just casually writing nearly 2k words of homestuck meta #on four hours of sleep in nearly 48hrs #anyway this has bugged me for so long and now i am releasing my thoughts into the world to infect your brains #have fun

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spnshameblog · 2 years

Note

I'm interested to know what you stance on Misha is after all this. peope seem to be pretty divided about this. has your opinion of him changed?

ok, i think this is gonna be a bit wordy. ive been in this fandom on and off for about a decade. if you follow a show and its actors for that many years, you are going to see them act in ways you cant support. everyones boundaries are different and ive withdrawn my support for people over things that other might find laughable, so i would never say that he hasnt done anything so bad that people should "unstan" him. personally, i dont think he has done something so bad that i cant ever support him again. over the decade he has said and posted some really dumb and sometimes offensive shit and i cant give you an itemised list of all happenings, but iirc he almost always apologised and i dont remember him making the same mistake twice. so if he says he apologises and is learning, i want to believe him, i just have no idea what thats going to look like.

see, a lot of us arent upset about a "misfired joke", if anyone else had done that people would be like "haha embarassing, lets move on", but a lot of people genuinely assumed him to be queer even before he made that comment, which is proven by the thousands of comments going like "i thought he had been out this entire time". a huge amount of people drew the conclusion, based on his actions and his words, that he wasnt straight, even though he personally never said so. so the thing most people are upset about is that theyre now having to recontextualise years (in my case a decade) of stuff we consciously or subconsciously interpreted as evidence. YES you shouldnt assume someones identity, but its not like he dissuaded people from speculating. quite the opposite and that is another reason why people are upset.

they feel like misha has been deceiving them, using his ambiguity for attention and support from lgbt people and theyre not entirely wrong. a lot of stuff can, in hindsight, be explained by him noticing that his fans seem to really respond to him acting a certain why, so why not act that up a little. what i take issue with is the claim that most of his personality and his support for queer causes were to garner support from queer people. i dont know the guy and i cant make any definitive statements, but i believe he is really mostly like that lmao. he has talked about how people are surprised by how, for a lack of a better word, 'unmasculine' or emotionally open he is. if he was just 'acting up the gay' around fans, then why have his colleagues and friends also commented on this? and he definitely has had to experience homophobic microaggressions esp on the set of spn, which doesnt make sense if hes like, a normal macho dude when fans arent watching. again, yes, i totally believe he purposefully exaggerated some of it bc fans eat that shit up and if nothing else hes a people pleaser. and also sometimes straight guys just act a little gay, idk what to tell you.

so now theres the theory that it actually WAS an honest comment, but for some reason he decided he needed to go back into the closet. now, if someone states their own orientation THIS explicitly im bound to accept that, however i can see where this theory is coming from, given that there are some instances that simply cant be explained as jokes or him acting up the gay etc. at least from our perspective. so idk buddy, he might be, he might not be. however i dont agree with the sentiment that him going back in the closet is funny. like ive seen posts like "funniest outome would be him actually coming out in 5 years and nobody believes him" idc if im a little softie, but that idea isnt funny to me at all. IF he ever comes out, im fully prepared to believe him immediately, even if it makes me look like a clown again.

so i can empathise with people having all kinds of reactions to this from trying to make sense of it, to distancing themselves, from trying to forget about it, to dragging him for filth, imho all valid reactions. i dont agree with people saying that this situation is the fault of the fans, ive said multiple times that this specific situation and the fact that people were so ready to believe he's bi were misha's own doing. and i dont agree with people saying he is a master manipulator who has been tricking lgbt people out of their money for years by being a 24/7 gay for pay.

so tl;dr: idk lol? im waiting to see how his behaviour changes after these events, but aside from being really confused i cant say my opinion of him has changed that much?

#im so sorry anon you probably wanted 2-3 sentences and im writing a fucking essay #ask #anon #m

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theevangelion · 2 years

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Soulmates: Chapter XIX

(Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

Lena felt a little guilty as she stared down at the sandwich in her hand.

Not for the morning spent teasing Kara breathless and panting but for the lie she had told after.

Then again it was straight out of Kara’s old playbook. Not technically a lie but just a little bit of missing context.

Lena didn’t go to work; not right away at least. That was the main thing she felt conflicted about. She had known for some time she wasn’t going to work because Thursday mornings had become a period for constantly reliable out of office engagement.

A short interim of time spent elsewhere, nothing salacious, sometimes an hour, sometimes four, and she didn’t really talk about it to anyone.

At first, Lena didn’t mention it because she thought it might awaken something painful for Kara. That feeling passed. It solidified and became its own secret, just for the sake of having a secret to keep between old friends, silly, fun, and little more than that.

She had been meaning to talk to Kara about it.

She just didn’t know how anymore.

“It does look like bunny ears,” Cat agreed.

“You want half?” Lena offered the other one forward.

“With respect, I would rather try and perform fellatio on a horse running the Kentucky Derby.” Cat’s eyes came to the side again, smirking at the paltry excuse of a sandwich, then back to the television. “Salmonella written all over it.”

“I know, I said the same.” Lena sighed and leaned back in the plastic chair. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“I’m being serious.”

“I know,” Cat sighed. “Me too.”

“You don’t want…” Lena wasn’t even sure what there was to offer. “I can’t get you anything?”

“A magic bullet to rewrite the faulty genetic code that is causing cells to uncontrollably divide and spread into the healthy tissue of my body?” Cat suggested. “Did you pack that with your sandwiches this morning?”

“Forgot it on the kitchen table, sorry.” Lena shrugged and earned a grin. “Cat?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Cat sat there, unbothered by it, in her perfectly Catherine Grant kind of way. There she was in a hospital bed drowning in the size of the gown, some inches too big, still growing bigger by the day, yet still so immaculate and beautiful.

There was this power she held in her hands, even like this, it simply exuded from her; to sit there with an IV pole, dangling chest port, with this certain pronounced thinness from the treatment, and yet she was beautiful in a way that announced itself—demanded it from the eye of the beholder.

Fierce, dignified, highlighter and blush on her cheeks because she still held herself to that standard, and Lena could tell that her blonde hair had been cut and styled, blown out, some pride put into it despite…

Lena didn’t want to acknowledge that Cat’s hair was thinner than last Thursday, but it was. Cat didn’t care, for as long as she had it, she would make the best of it, the most of it, and that was yet another perfectly Catherine Grant thing to do given the circumstances.

“Cat?”

“If you tell me that you love me again—”

“I do.” Lena nodded, solemn, exasperated, staring at nothing. “You are…one of my best friends. You are the person who was there every day, when Sam died, when I was sick and in the hospital after, you killed every hit piece dead in the water—never said a single thing in the magazine despite knowing all the big scoops. I hate things feel weird between us, I hate that you don’t call or text anymore. I hate that we’re not talking about the elephant in the room because you are—were—my best friend.”

“And yet here you are, despite all of this supposed disconnect from my end, every week, more reliable and on time than a German train service.” Cat’s eyes twinkled with amusement, though she never looked away from the television. “Lena, I don’t call or text because I’m…” She gestured at herself, at the room, as though it was arrogant for Lena to assume some priority above it in her thought processes. “Listen, I don’t know what elephant you think there is but if you want to talk about it you should talk about it.”

“Kara.”

“Nope.” Cat shook her head.

“You’re soulmates.”

“We may very well have been,” Cat quietly agreed in a way that was non-committal to the idea, then shrugged and finally looked at her friend. “Here’s the thing, Lena. We can play what if games, we can go round in circles, talk about hypotheticals where I have some long years ahead of me, where Kara is…” She shook her head, as though wanting to say something based and cruel, yet struggling to find something.

That was very unlike Cat Grant.

“She does this thing, you know.” Lena stared off to the side, thinking about it, smiling despite how sad it made her feel. “We’ll be doing something, watching television, eating dinner, whatever. I’ll say something. She doesn’t reply. Then I look and she’s…” Lena gestured at nothing. “She’s away in some daydream, with this vacant look on her face, and I know she’s playing out a different life—some life she says that she doesn’t think about despite very much, constantly, always running away from anything that makes her think about it. She just sort of comes back to life, and there’s this look in her eyes, as though she’s looking at me but seeing…”

Lena didn’t know how to say it.

She didn’t want to say it because then she would be admitting it.

But she gestured.

And Cat understood.

“Lena.” Cat gestured her hands for the rambler to slow down on her rapid, nervous rabbiting. “It sounds as though you care a whole lot more than either of us do and for that I can only apologise.”

“I am objectively the person who should be apologising to you.”

“That won’t be necessary. I sincerely am sorry that I have…become an imagined competitor in your relationship with Kara Danvers. I want you to be happy. I want Kara to be happy. I want that for you both because me?” She stared very seriously. “I have had the happiest, biggest, greatest of lives. I regret nothing. I wish for nothing. If I am supposed to be sat here, filled with regret, then I’m not.”

“I’m not Kara, Cat.” Lena pushed forward slightly. “I know you well enough, for long enough, that I know when you’re talking out of your ass.”

“Then ask me whatever it is you really want to ask me, Lena.” Cat closed her eyes and sighed.

“Did you…” Lena stopped, because she didn’t want to ask, she just wanted the answer so that if ever Kara wanted to know, one day, then someone would have answers to give her. “Did you feel some pull, some awareness? People say that but I wouldn’t know. I just, I’m curious?”

Cat opened her eyes and looked at Lena with a faint, vague expression that couldn’t be deduced. It wasn’t displeasure but it wasn’t a happy memory.

“I felt drawn to her, yes.” Cat nodded. “I think…a week after she started with the temp agency? I realised I was having to force myself to call her Keira. I knew her name, and I don’t know names, not assistants at least.”

“That doesn’t sound very romantic.”

“Because it isn’t.”

“Do you love her?” Lena blurted.

That took Cat back more than a little. She blinked, then blinked again. Lena felt guilty because the answer wasn’t for Kara. It was selfish, it was necessary, it was something she herself wanted to understand, because how could Cat possibly not love that girl?

More than that, Lena didn’t feel jealousy, just this faint sense of unselfish purpose to somehow give everyone a little of whatever they needed. Mostly because she felt greedy, as though there had been an abundance in her life, a prolonged series of habitual good things, despite the fact it wasn’t true. Her wife had died. She had grieved it then, still grieved it now, but there was joy, and her love with Kara didn’t feel like a band aid. It felt like a breath of life. It felt like this good, insular thing where she might make a home for the rest of her life.

But, Lena knew what she had been seeing as time had gone on.

She knew because she used to do the same thing, staring off, losing herself, playing house with Sam long after she passed, wondering about a life that would never take root. The trouble was that Kara still had time to know things, hold it in her hands, have moments beyond the realm of her imagination, and Lena felt it was be selfish—repugnant—to deny her of that.

To deny either of them that small moment in time to just have whatever the universe wanted to give them.

“Your lack of answer is an answer,” Lena told her straight. “I’m not asking because I’m hoping for one or the other. I’m asking because…we’re too old, too jaded, and too fucking deep into this thing not to talk about it?” She rolled her eyes at her friend.

Cat sighed and looked at her manicure resting in her lap.

“She is a very pretty girl.” Cat smiled to herself. “She reminds me of myself when I was younger. It’s not the sweetness, it’s the fury, every now and then her eyes would…” Cat imitated Kara’s expression, eyes narrowing with tension, angry and righteously laser-focused. “I know you won’t believe me but there isn’t some pointed, obsessive attraction. I don’t think I’m supposed to have a soulmate, Lena, because the truth of the matter is that I like women, a little, sure, but I have always preferred men because they are stupid and well-behaved, and Kara Danvers is neither of those things.”

“Please talk to her?” Lena shut her eyes and pleaded.

“I don’t want to make this situation any worse than it—”

“Please,” Lena begged between tight, uncomfortable lips. “Cat, please let her know you a little better. I want to spend my life with her. I want to be the woman who is rock solid and there when she needs me the most. You—” Lena felt a dampness on her cheeks because it hurt, not just for Kara, but her heart too, Cat was her true friend.

“Well go on.” Cat snarked, smiling a little. “Don’t quit just before you start blowing smoke up my ass. You were saying?”

“I was saying, you royal bitch.” They both chuckled and staved off some differing sized rocks in their throats. “You are bowing out in a way only you ever could, you know? A little too early, but still in your own time, with everyone on baited breath hoping for an encore because you are Catherine fucking Grant.” There was such fierce respect in the way she said that name. “I do not know how I am supposed to compete with you, Cat, at some point after the dust settles when she starts to put you on the pedestal. I do not know how to explain and talk about my friend, to the girl I love, knowing that she is falling in love with some version of you in the back of her brain.”

“Kara Danvers will never put me on a pedestal. I think, personally, for her to have my name on her ass cheek?” Cat lifted a brow and thought about it. “Well, she is the person consecrated by the universe to not put me on the pedestal. Everyone else does, seems only right that she wouldn’t.”

“She is twenty-three, but she won’t be always.” Lena shrugged. “What the fuck am I going to do when she’s thirty, forty, then fifty, and she stops and looks around and realises she’s closer to you than she ever was when you were alive? I mean, fuck, dude, don’t do that to me?” Lena scowled at her best friend.

“Lena,” Cat cleared her throat. “I don’t want you to worry.”

“I’m worried.”

“Then shut up and stop worrying.” Cat levelled. “Jesus Christ. Only you. Only fucking you could step on to an oncology unit and feel like you have the right to be upset and wronged by the world. Yes, fine, I will write a letter or something. Just, please can you leave now?” Cat made her laugh without meaning too. She grinned despite herself, rubbing her temples. “Go. Bring actual food next week, and champagne, two bottles, something corked before we were born.”

“Cat?”

“I know,” Cat shooed, “You too.”

#soulmates #soulmate au #soulmate marks #supercorp #supercorp au #supercorp soulmate au #supercorp soulmates #supercorp femslash #supercorp story #supercorp fic #supercorp fan fic #supercorp fanfic #supercorp love story #kara x lena #lena x kara #theevangelion #cat grant #catherine grant

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maschotch · 3 years

Text

hi! just gonna make an intro post for those interested~

im rewatching criminal minds from the beginning and capping every episode as i go along. ive seen rewatched every cm season at least 3 times, and this blog is mostly to avoid sending my friends the same clips with the same comments every time i watch lol. its just all of my thoughts and ramblings for my favorite moments

im 22 and i try to avoid interacting with/following minors. asks are fine, just no dms. my main is @aarcn but this is where everything cm related is. i’m not into x reader fic, especially the explicit stuff, so if you post a lot of that i probably won’t follow you back. and if i unfollow all of a sudden, its probably because of that. nothing personal! i just dont really want to see it.

i’ll tag anything you need, just shoot me an ask and i’ll start tagging it no problem. its criminal minds so the subject matter can get a little dark so i totally understand :)

currently tagging:

cm crit—anything critiquing the show itself, usually the writers/creators

char crit—anything critiquing characters (anything jj critical will be tagged here but lmk if you’d like a more specific tag)

sa mention—any in depth analysis of foyet will also be tagged here

anti jj—critical of jj specifically, only if its in the actual post. if its in the tags im not gonna bother

feel free to send asks, anons always on, or dm me! i love talking about criminal minds and hearing different interpretations of characters <3 its just a fun funky show that im way too invested in

below the read more are links to the different kinds of posts:

i have a queue currently running with character caps from random eps but other than that most of the posts are chronological. photo post limit is 150 a day and i hit that pretty regularly, but i try to upload episodes as i watch them.

cm caps - these are just screenshots so you dont have to credit or anything, but i’d appreciate if you tagged me in or send me what you made! it makes me happy that people find uses for them

cm icons - these are edited caps, so if you do use them please reblog or credit. feel free to send requests! i have lots of character caps from eps i’ve done so far

cm writings - stuff i write! i dont have much bc im really not much of a writer anymore but fics, mcs, and extended meta will go here. may not use this tag often bc i tend to ramble in tags anyway so theres usually a mini-essay below every post

cm fics - specifically fics i write! @t4thotchniss and i have our own little cm universe that i’ll write stuff for sometimes, so you may want to check out his summary for the general gist

cm parallels - caps from different moments (though sometimes the same episode) that make me crazy 🤪 probably my favorite tag

cm comp - compilation posts, usually divided by season. again these are just caps so feel free to take and use as you will!

im open to requests for any of the above post types, so feel free to shoot an ask or dm. if you want something from an episode that i’ve done so far i probably have caps already so i’ll gladly do it! if you want something from a later season (or for characters i dont cap as much like jj, reid, rossi, etc), please be as specific as possible with your request. episode numbers would be great.

for shipping stuff i’m pretty open to most things. i do have some common romantic pairings i really do not like and view as exclusively platonic: hotch/reid, hotch/jj, hotch/elle... those are his kids lol

love for criminal minds has faded, so im not gonna try to push myself until the obsession returns. feel free to send thoughts/opinions/questions, i still have My Takes that stay in my brain forever <3 for now tho the only original posts are just gonna be queued character caps. ive got 1000+ drafts so its not gonna run out any time soon

#i went back and checked post type tags.. i wanted a 'cm fav' section but honestly it was just everything i post ajksdhglksjghlas #the brainrot runs deep ig

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penguintransporter · 3 years

Text

Daisies (a short “anyone you want it to be with” story) Part III

part I | part II | my masterlist

Third part of this mini series. Things seem to be going for the better @avenirdelight ;) Thanks or all the lovely comments I have gotten, and I hope you will enjoy this one as well. Please, like it, reblog it (this is very important, not only to me but to other writers as well) and tell me what you think (anons you are always welcome.) 🌼

No matter how many memories one person creates in their life, only a handful of them stick to one’s brain like no other, building a colourful storybook of scenes that we love and cherish, and to which we go back to when we are happy or sad, scared or lonely or as we lay in our beds – alone with the universe in the silence of the night.

Every page and every section of the particular storybook has its deeper meaning to each individual; it carries a certain weight or a message, and we can label them with a year, a month and a day; sometimes even time.

In his own storybook, somewhere between the memories of his first kiss and the first goal he had scored as a professional footballer, there is a page – crumpled and ruffled around the edges. Read many times – over and over again.

A rainy Tuesday in October.

Cold, whistling wind, miserable sky, and with rain bathed umbrellas.

Soaked socks in fashionable trainers. People walking faster than usual along the streets, hopping over puddles – arms hugging the coats and jackets tighter.

Monochrome painted clouds, like a paper soaked in watercolours. With condensation smudged windshield screen.

The memory of meeting her for the first time – crystal clear and omnipresent like a rerun of the movie he had watched many times before, but is never able to get enough from the story line.

He remembers being happy to get away from the weather and the rain that was washing away all the dirt from the streets, and although it took him just five quick steps from where he had parked his car to his teammate’s doors, as he stepped under the covered porch, his shoulders were soaked and he had few droplets of rain sliding down from the tip of his nose.

Vivid.

Every movement and every sound; the amount of shoes in the corner of the hallway when he opened the doors to let himself in, as he did many times before. The smell of coffee and food, rich and hearty at the same time, wrapping its arms around his nostrils as he shrugged of his parka.

The loud sound of the doors as they closed by itself; his name being called above the loud chatter and music. The banter that kept going as he walked in on a group of familiar and unfamiliar faces, shapes and silhouettes.

A lazy scratch of his hand along the back and the head of his mate’s dog.

First glance towards her.

Dressed in a thick jumper, black jeans and daises-patterned socks, she was leaning against the kitchen island that divided the two equally modern rooms – a wooden spoon in her hand.

Smile on her face as she looked back at him after saying something to one of the unfamiliar faces.

Did he expect a different reaction? Yes. Did he expect her to shy away as many girls have before when they realised who he was? As vain it sounded, yes.

She didn’t.

“Come,” she said with a smile, beckoning him over, “I want you to taste something.”

Confused, he remembers racking his brain for something – a name to put together with a picture; a voice.

“Do we know each other? Are you…?”

“No, and probably not,” she grinned, stepping behind the sleek stovetop, “it’s a bit sad that we don’t know each other, but that’s good, because I need someone neutral here.” She took a clean spoon from the container before passing it out to him, and he mimicked her moves, looking down at the red liquid that simmered in the large pot in front of them. “Try, and tell me if something’s missing. Salt? Acidity? Something else? You dress like you know what you’re doing, so I trust you more than I trust that bellend in that ridiculous Gucci labelled shirt,” she spoke louder, looking at his teammate with a silly smirk.

He glanced at her face as she rambled away before looking down in the pot again – the red sauce looking as inviting as it smelled, and with a shrug, he scooped some of it before trying it.

Savoury and a bit sour and with just a hint of something he couldn’t put his finger on. It tasted like knowledge, patience, love, and above all, it tasted like home.

Word by word, laughter after laughter.

Another scoop, another bite, a grind of pepper above his plate before she sat next to him at the long dining table.

Breadcrumbs on his lap.

“Memories are dangerous things. You turn them over and over, until you know every touch and corner, but still you'll find an edge to cut you,” said Mark Lawrence, and whenever he finds himself going back to that rainy Tuesday in October, he cuts himself on the edge of the memory over and over again, and the realisation of his actions hurts him more than the relieved moment.

That day, he should have fallen in love with her.

He was known to be a talkative man, but this time he was an observer.

As he quietly sits in front of his laptop, he feels the knot in his throat tighten ever so slightly with every passing second of a video-call to which he was invited to, just a week prior.

A sleepless week filled with either thinking, wondering or regretting yet another night he spent sleeping with a girl that liked roses more than she liked daisies.

Smiles, happy nods, and laughter.

A gasp, with disbelief laced ‘what’s’, and a string of ‘my God’s’; shake of the head.

He wants to speak, wants to engage in the conversation, and to show that he cares, that he misses her more than he thought he ever would; so much that he it scares him sometimes. As he wipes his sweaty palms against his trousers, he wonders when did something that usually came natural to him became more difficult than anything else.

Because he feels guilty for not answering her calls and messages for the past few weeks? Because he knows that once the call is over, the melancholy will knock on the doors to keep the company to the sadness of knowing that she is miles away?

He doesn’t know the answer, but he feels it.

So he stays quiet and listens to her as she talks, watches her move her hands around as she speaks about her new home, the nature and the weather, her noisy neighbours, and the new bicycle she has bought at the local market.

He stays quiet, like a passerby, insignificant and tucked away in some kind of a daydream as she shows them painting she has found in the basement of the house she is renting, and he stays quiet when she expresses a wish to get herself a cat.

She seems happy.

Happier than when she still was around him.

Relaxed and liberated.

Healed.

Away from the heartbreak he had caused.

Once again, he finds himself wiping his hands against his trousers, and without looking away from the screen, he reaches out to take a sip of his coffee. The burn on his tongue stops his train of thoughts and he slams the mug against the desk – liquid slushing over the lip of the container and drips down on the wooden surface, creating a small pool of brown liquid.

A profanity that leaves his mouth stops the happy chatter – he never liked swearing out loud, and as soon as it happens, all eyes are on him. He feels naked, stripped of everything; uneasy and anxious – as if he was running for the goal during an important match.

“You okay?” she asks, but he doesn’t know what to say. Her voice is soft, filled with compassion.

He looks at her, and for the first time since she left, he lets himself believe that he still had the chance; that there was something; one single ember that refuses to die down.

But he knows he needs to say something.

Was this the most important match in his life?

Was he running for the opponents goal or is he about to auto-goal himself?

“When can I visit?” he asks as he puts a smile on his face, leaning back in his chair.

The silence; thick, knife-cutting silence.

His friends look at him, confusion and surprise written all over their faces.

But not hers.

She’s smiling at him, and he feels his heart fill with hope.

“Whenever you want.”

Part IV

tags: @rosie7703, @emwritesfootball, @avenirdelight, @alexajanecollins, @afootballimagines, @footballcloud , @englishfairylights @footballerimaginess , @footballxwrites, @just-imagines, @emwritesfootball, @macybeckham7, @hnrfc

if i forgot someone, let me know, or if you want to be tagged, also let me know...

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callmeelle22 · 3 years

Text

Blue Dream VI

Pairing: Iris West x Barry Alen

Rating: E

Chapter Word Count: 8, 390

Summary: A series of sporadic dates between Iris and Barry turn into something more, a story in its own making.

Chapter I: Primetime

Chapter II: It's Cool

Chapter III: Anything

Chapter IV: Comfortable

Chapter V: The Way

Chapter VI: Say Yes; The action makes her look at him again and there’s something behind the playfulness in his gaze, something that sings like there is only one for me; you have made that a possibility, like we could take that step to see, mm; if this is really gonna be, like all she’s gotta do is say yes to whatever statement his eyes are making, to whatever question his fingers are stitching into her skin. (Read chapter below or on AO3 linked on the chapter title.)

Chapter VII: Brave

Chapter VIII: Blue Dream

Say Yes

There is only one for me

You have made that a possibility

We could take that step to see, mm

If this is really gonna be

All you got to do is say yes

On the following Thursday, Iris finds herself rushing down Main St., her glittery gold pumps making a rhythmic clack-clack-clack on the sidewalk. She barely had time to change from what she’d worn to work, into a long black maxi dress printed with gold feathers all over it. The dress has long sleeves and a modest neckline, though the right side split that rises near to her waist changes what might otherwise just be a pretty casual dress. She’s late, which is why she’s risking a broken neck by running down the street in these shoes, not wanting to hear Wally bitch about being late to his 21st birthday dinner.

She finally gets to the front of Golden’s, where her dad has rented out space for the dinner and later, some music and dancing. Barry is standing outside of the restaurant, in a pair of well-fitting black pants and camel colored desert boots, tugging at the neck of the white sweater that does only good things for those broad shoulders. He looks up from his phone when he hears her heels, and the smile he gives her pulls her up short.

“Hi, beautiful” he greets as he steps out from where he’d been leaning on the wall. “You look nice."

Iris waves a hand, still trying to catch her breath. “I look like I’ve been working all day.”

She touches self-consciously at her hair, knowing that the curls from her bantu knots have likely begun to fall. But when she looks up again, the word nice isn’t actually what she sees as he’s looking at her. It’s a misnomer, the word nice, because his gaze follows the curves of her body, the way the dress’s matching tie shows the deep curve of her waist, and how every time she moves, Barry sees one long, brown leg ending in the double straps around her ankle. Iris shifts under his gaze, at his blown irises, the color of them graying by the moment.

“Come here,” he says, reaching out for her.

“What? Barry, we’re late,” she attempts to argue, even as she’s letting him pull her into his arms. She tumbles into them, letting him wrap both his arms around her as she circles hers around his waist. She can feel the warmth of his palms through the thin material of her dress.

“Breathe,” he commands softly, and she inhales deeply before letting it go. Barry loosens his hold, but only enough that he can look into her eyes.

“Let’s try that again,” he teases. “Hi, Iris, you look beautiful.”

Her stomach flutters at the comment and she bites down on her bottom lip. “Thank you, Barry.”

“How’s your day been? We haven’t talked.”

“Barry, we’re…”

“Late. Yes, I know. And maybe I’m stalling because I’m nervous to meet your entire family at your brother’s party, but I also just wanna check in.” He lifts her chin with a forefinger. “So how’s your day been?”

She thinks that she fucking melts, just like that.

“It’s been good. Really good,” she replies softly, trying to hold his tender gaze. “I didn’t have to curse any undergrads. And I, uh, well,” she hesitates for only a moment, but she wants to tell him this, even if it’s news she’s been hoarding for the moment. “Well, my blog is going to be featured on Good Morning, Central City.”

His eyes light up. “What, Iris? That’s amazing!” He wraps his arms around her again and squeezes, even pulling her off of her feet. The sound of her laughter fills the air as she tightens her hold on his neck.

He’s the first person she’s told. She’d gotten the email after lunch this afternoon, about the morning talk show featuring some of Central City’s rising internet stars. She’s never considered herself an internet star, especially because her blog focuses primarily on others, with the exception of the occasional personal story, the occasional picture with an update about her life. But they’re taping the segment in a month’s time and she’ll have a ten minute spot talking to the hosts and answering questions about What a Life You’ve Lived.

“Baby, I’m so damn proud of you.”

And he is, which isn’t so much startling as it is noteworthy. Because he’s new here, but already he’s been so supportive of her and her work, reading and asking questions all the time. It’s a rush, really, and she has to hold on to him to steady herself.

“Thank you so much, Barry. It’s exciting and scary and, humbling, in a way.”

“See,” he says, cupping her cheek in his palm. “Good.”

She sticks her tongue out at him and he takes it as an invitation to kiss her. It’s a quick kiss, compared to the way he usually kisses her, but he still leaves her light-headed from the taste and the feel of him. She hums when he pulls away, closing her eyes briefly.

“You ready?” she asks when he’s in her sight again.

“I think I am,” he replies, but she notes that he seems a little dazed too.

“Don’t be nervous,” she grins. “You already know Dad. You’ve met Linda. You’ve likely met Cecile too.”

“Yes, but it’s one thing to talk to Captain West and DA Horton for work. It’s completely different to hang out with them as the man their daughter has been seeing.”

She takes his hand to squeeze once and lets go to run her hand across his chest, picking at invisible lent on his sweater.

“It’ll be fine. Just be your weirdly charming self.”

“Weirdly charming?” His eyes widen and he stands up straighter. “How am I weirdly charming?”

Ignoring his question, she grabs his hand again. “Come on. We’re really late now.”

“But Iris…?”

Iris isn’t quite sure how she got Barry invited to this dinner. She’d gone over to her dad’s for dinner on Sunday, and they’d been talking about Wally’s party, securing some last-minute details. Out of the blue, Wally had blurted about Iris’s “new boyfriend,” though Iris figures it was a calculated move on her brother’s part. But now they’re here, walking into Golden’s hand in hand.

The place has been decorated for the party: white, black, and gold streamers everywhere, a matching balloon arch, a tall matching photo booth set up on one side. The space has been cleared so that there is one long table for the group to sit together (to include their family, Linda and Daniel, Theo and Xuan, and several of Wally’s friends from college). On the other side of the table is a wide-open space where, in about an hour, a DJ will come set up in the corner and the remaining space will act as a makeshift dance floor.

Wally is sitting in the middle of the table, a black leather crown on his head, matching his black t-shirt and blazer paired with black trousers, a gold chain circling his throat. The color theme for his birthday party is black, white, and gold, and as Iris looks around the room, she sees her family and Wally’s friends all adhering to the dress code.

“Iris,” he shouts when he spots her. “Fucking finally.” He immediately glances back at their dad with a low “sorry dad,” before standing to greet her. Iris pulls him in for a hug, wrapping her arms tight around him.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” she tells him. “Happy birthday, baby.”

“Thanks, big sis.” He gives her another big squeeze and then pulls back to kiss her cheek.

Joe West, tall and imposing-looking with deep brown skin and kind eyes, shakes his head at his youngest son and stands to give Iris a hug too.

“Good to see you, pumpkin.”

He looks at Barry, who’s standing behind her, looking a little bit pink in the face, his eyes wide. She shakes her head in amusement, thinking about how he’s always so damn confident when he’s with her, but he’s looking like he wants to turn and run at the moment.

“CSI Allen,” her dad says, expression unreadable.

Barry swallows. “Captain West. It’s, uh, good to see you.”

There’s a tense silence for just a moment as her dad seems to size Barry up. But before Barry decides to actually run away, Iris rolls her eyes and lightly taps her father’s shoulder.

“Daddy, stop.”

Her dad blinks once and then his face erupts in a wide grin. “I’m just kidding. Good to see you, Allen.” He reaches out to shake Barry’s hand, clapping his shoulder.

“You too, sir,” Barry nods once, and then again. “And please just call me Barry.”

The rounds are made. Barry greets DA Horton, a pretty woman with ochre colored skin and big brown eyes, who tells him to call her Cecile when they aren’t at work. Wally is next, who gives him a long look, not unlike their father, before reaching out to hug him, whispering something in his ear that makes Barry smile faintly as he looks briefly at Iris before turning back to Wally and nodding firmly. Xuan and Theo greet him with wide smiles, and then Linda gives him a kiss on the cheek before introducing him to Daniel, a tall, sun-kissed man with near black eyes, unruly dark hair, and an easy smile.

The table is divided with family on one end and Wally’s friends on the other, with Wally sitting in the middle on one side and Iris across from him. There are a couple of waiters, Allegra is here as the bartender, and just as Barry and Iris are sitting down, the waiters bring out several plates of appetizers featured on the menu: egg rolls, steamed buns, fried pork dumplings, ginger salads, edamame, baked sticky wings. There are several plates of each, enough for everyone to have some of everything and they all dig in, taking sips of Wally’s birthday cocktail, something that’s mostly champagne, in between.

Iris watches in fascination as Barry effortlessly makes conversation with people around him. It’s not that she’s necessarily surprised; Barry is an affable sort, her dad is an extremely good judge of character, and Wally and Cecile are generally easy-going people. But seeing it in action does something so funny to her that she can’t describe it. When her dad asks how they met, he shoots her a wink and replies, “I saw her out dancing one night and I knew I had to get to know her.” Only she hears Linda’s snort, but the answer does make her shake her head (and flush a little) in remembrance.

Then Cecile wants to know, inexplicably, about their first date.

“She invited me over for dinner,” Barry explains.

“No, I…” She turns sharply to her side, narrowing her eyes at the unmitigated glee in his. He knows that if she explains how he’d just shown up (because she’d invited him over for a one-night stand anyway), they’d both be thrown under the bus.

Iris looks back at the table, at her dad who’s got an eyebrow raised, and at Wally who’s obviously trying not to laugh.

“I don’t really count that as the first date,” she responds through clenched teeth. Barry leans into her, arm draped over her shoulder, fingers playing absently with her dress’s collar.

“So do you count hanging out at Fall Fest?”

She isn’t fooled by the casual tone of his question. “You were there with your friends. You ditching them had nothing to do with me.”

He reaches out and fingers the simple gold open circle studs she’s wearing. The action makes her look at him again and there’s something behind the playfulness in his gaze, something that sings like there is only one for me; you have made that a possibility, like we could take that step to see, mm; if this is really gonna be, like all she’s gotta do is say yes to whatever statement his eyes are making, to whatever question his fingers are stitching into her skin.

“Me leaving them had everything to do with you.”

And she’s, for a second (or for a minute, or for some infinite period of time) lost in it, lost in him, forgetting that this is not a private moment, that people are watching, that the goosebumps that are gliding up her arms and the heavy rise and fall of her chest are for everyone to see.

Linda lets out a cough, a way too obvious attempt to break the tension.

“But if we’re talking about our first official date,” Barry says, holding her gaze for a second longer before turning back to her family, “we went on a picnic.”

She can’t look at them, not yet, and she saves face by turning to Linda whose own eyes are filled with mirth.

“Oh, a picnic,” Cecile squeals. “How sweet.”

“Yeah,” he replies, smiling. “It was sweet: the company and the dessert.”

She thinks of the dessert, the way he’d licked at her like she was the sweetest thing he’d ever had in his mouth; Iris has to avert her eyes from them again, lest they see her suddenly widened eyes and her speeding pulse, her legs crossing and uncrossing again.

Wally, bless his soul, takes up the conversation from there, turning it to something he’d figured out in one of his classes. Iris leans into Barry.

“You do too much,” she tells him quietly.

He nods in concedence. “You’re probably right.” Then one corner of his mouth lifts again. “But you can’t tell me you don’t like it.”

She pinches him at that and he yelps, rubbing at his arm.

“I’m gonna hurt you later,” she threatens, stretching up to whisper it in his ear.

He licks his lips, eyes blazing. “You promise?”

She punches him lightly on the arm and he responds with a kiss to her cheek.

They fall into individual conversations after that. Plates disappear and more food appears; champagne glasses are taken away or refilled. Iris eats on most of whatever’s put in front of her, but she drinks slowly since it is still a school night. She’s half-listening to Linda and Dan tell her parents about some trip that they’re interested in taking to Vietnam, where all of Dan’s grandparents still live. Her dad and Cecile are flirting a little bit, she thinks, which, weird. Still, she’s got an ear to the conversations that Barry is having. He starts off talking to Jessie, one of Wally’s friends that have been around since Wally started at CCU, about nanotechnology, something Iris has zero interest in, and they geek out about it for long enough that Iris gets bored of it. But that leads them to a conversation about which professors are still at CCU, where Barry also went for undergrad and grad, finishing both eight years ago. That tells her that Barry is about five years older than her, which Iris guesses she can see in his mannerisms, in how comfortable he is in his career and in his thoughts and even in the way he carries his body.

Wally takes Barry’s attention away from Jessie after a while. Barry moves away from Iris enough that he can focus on whatever Wally’s saying. It takes his arm from her chair but he maintains contact by planting his hand on her bare thigh, thumb rubbing against her lightly. She can only hear snippets of their conversation, words their deeper voices, though whispered, can’t hide. She hears, at one point, “I think your sister is the loveliest woman I’ve ever known, in temperament and beauty, and I’m here for as long as she’ll have me.”

She doesn’t think she was supposed to hear that,

(although, she’ll wonder later that night if, purposefully, Barry had said it loud enough for her to do so).

Still, she does, whether he meant for her to or not. And she grapples with it for a moment. Because he’s said something similar before. He’s told her that he’s whipped and that he likes her and that he wants. The reality is: she’s wondered if it were true. She knows better than anyone the power of words, how they’re used to not only tell stories, but to tell lies, to manipulate, to coerce. And of course she doesn’t think that Barry would do any of those things, but she’d thought that his words had been just...words, pretty things to make her feel good.

(Okay, so maybe that it’s really true, either. But it’s been easier to take him at face value, to pen this story based on her own feelings, not always realizing that Barry’s just as much of a character here, that his dialogue matches the action, the imagery, foreshadowing whatever it is that’s really happening here.)

So saying this to her brother, however, privately and in the seriousness she knows is accompanied by his furrowed eyebrows and pursed mouth...well, that crystalizes it for her. Her reaction, though unsurprising in its intensity (because everything about this with him has been intense), is abrupt. Her entire body seizes up with, god, feeling, with emotions she’s been, apparently, cultivating since the moment he asked her to dance. She goes hot at the same time that she physically shivers, with her own words unspoken, with feelings suddenly realized, with raw passion, with all you gotta do is say yes; don't deny what you feel, let me undress you, baby; open up your mind and just rest; i'm about to let you know, you make me so...

She silently downs the rest of her drink, looking around the room to see if anyone has noticed her eyes darting to and fro, literally on the edge of a breakdown. She takes a big breath and wonders what she should do about this inconvenient revelation.

Barry turns to her, that same soft smile on his face. But, noticing what he perceives as her solemnity, he pulls from his conversation and slides his hand up her thigh and over her hip to settle on her waist. Her skin tingles at his touch.

“You alright? You’re not talking much.”

“Yeah,” she nods, lips turning up, hoping he can’t see the slight bit of panic she’s feeling. “Yeah. You? Surviving the interrogation?”

“They haven’t thrown me out yet, so I think so.”

She gives him a quiet laugh. But then he goes a little thoughtful too, licking his lips and staring at her. He reaches out to push a lock of hair behind her ear, and then he keeps his hand on her, running along the side of her face, down until he’s holding her by the back of her neck, his thumb still rubbing along the apples of her cheeks. He doesn’t look away, blinking as if to steady her features.

“What?” she questions, a bit nervously, wondering if he can see what she’s just realized in her features. He always looks at her as if he can, as if he can read her. He doesn’t speak for a moment, then,

“You’re really pretty.”

Iris scrunches her nose a little. “Are you drunk?”

“No,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know, I just… you seem kind of far in your head right now and I know that compliments always make you blink back into the moment.” He gives a small grin. “Or make you blush.”

“I’m Black,” she counters. “I don’t blush.”

“Hmm,” he hums, grin widening. “Maybe you don’t get red like me, but you blush.” He runs his thumb across her bottom lip, tracing the plump curve. “Your eyes look sort of blown and you bite this lip and,” he leans closer, speaking close to her ear, “I can practically see your breathing get deeper.”

Iris decides that it’s only because of his thumb on her mouth that she doesn’t complete each of these steps he’s outlined. Instead, she circles her hand around his wrist and gives him a frown against his thumb.

“I feel like I’m at a disadvantage here,” she reveals. “You do make me blush, just like you said, but I feel like you’re always so, so…”

She lets the sentiment taper off, not wanting to truly acknowledge that she feels like she’s the one stepping out of her comfort zone, the one hanging off the ledge. But he chuckles, the sound connoting more incredulity than humor.

“You’re kidding, right?”

Her brows furrow, briefly confused. “Bear…”

“Do you think I’m composed, Iris?”

She snaps back, not liking his tone. “Well you’re always so goddamn smug and…”

His kiss cuts her off. Somehow, he’s still mindful of the mixed company, she assumes, because it’s a kiss like earlier: with some tongue, but still quick and nothing particularly distasteful. Even still, she tries to chase after him, to deepen the kiss, because she really just can’t help it where he’s concerned. When he pulls back, he resumes running his thumb along her mouth, and she knows that her lipstick is officially fucked.

“I’m not composed, Iris,” he tells her, eyes darting across her face. He, at least, lowers his voice so that they aren’t making a scene. “I’m, literally, a fucking mess around you. I don’t know, I'm just trying to make you think I’m confident, so you don’t think I’m too boring or, or before you realize that there’s someone better out there for you.”

He holds her gaze, blue-green eyes keeping her captive. It’s all she can do to keep from falling into him, from blurting out her newfound revelation. It’s all she can do to not weep at the fact that he’s apparently in this too, that she isn’t the only one losing her shit right now.

“Iris, you asked me what I was doing to you. And I told you it’s nothing that you aren’t doing to me. And that’s the truth. Whatever you got, I'm probably so far past that already.”

The words get stuck, then, the song that’s been playing in her head since she saw him this evening, since she’s thought of what it would be like to be desired by someone like this, since she was a little girl dreaming, the sound like loving you has taken time, take time; but I always knew you could be mine, the melody one that skips in tune with her heart every time Barry makes these grand declarations like he’s just done.

He gives her another peck on the mouth, likely figuring that she’s lost all mental function. He isn’t wrong, and when Wally calls for his attention again, he gives her one more caress before turning back to him.

Still dazed, Iris turns and locks eyes with Linda who’s gazing at her in concern.

“You okay, Iris?” She eyes Barry over her shoulder. “That seemed pretty intense.”

“Can we talk?” Because Linda and Dan had been like this, enamored with each other. And Iris just wants to get it right. “Not right now, but later in the week?”

Linda nods. “Yeah, okay. Of course we can.” She takes a hold of both of Iris’s hands and gives a good squeeze. “But I see you retreating right now. Don’t. We’ll talk later, but don’t space out here. Stay in this moment; stay in this feeling.”

She looks up at her best friend. Iris can admit that she thought she knew love. She’s seen it in others, she’s written about it. But feeling it, at least what she thinks might be the beginning of it, is overwhelming. So she attempts to do as her friend asks and stay in the moment.

The parents leave around 10, with strict instructions to not tear apart the restaurant. The Parks have offered the place ‘til about 1, likely even later. With the tables pushed back, white strobe lights turned on, and the DJ from CCU already set up, the place could almost be mistaken for a club. More of Wally’s friends, or at least, more people he knows from school, those who weren’t invited to the more intimate dinner part of the night, start to file in and an off-duty cop that their dad has hired is manning the door. Iris’s 21st birthday had consisted of her own dinner at Golden’s and a night out at some bar downtown, but she thinks that Wally has got the right idea, making it more exclusive like this.

In an effort to “stay in the moment” (and not freak out about the fact that she’s officially acknowledged that she’s fallen into some sort of infatuation with Barry Allen), Iris orders her second of the birthday cocktail and sits down at the bar alongside Dan and Linda to watch the younger adults dance to the music. A tall woman in a pretty gold dress has a camera looped around her neck and is taking pictures of her classmates, all in their white, gold, or black party outfits. She’d gotten a few family portraits earlier, some of Linda and Iris, and one of Barry and Iris that had been meant to be pretty simple, them standing next to each other with Iris leaned in close, Barry holding on to her waist. But he’s standing just slightly behind her, with his big hand spread over her hip, and he’s looking down at her as she smiles softly for the camera. The photographer had shown them the photo after and it was the first time she had seen them together, the first time she can maybe see what he means when he tells her that he’s so far past wherever she is right now. But, and Iris can see it now, is feeling it now: he may not be as far past her as he thinks.

Now, Linda and Iris are the de facto chaperones for the night, a task that Linda is taking seriously as she hops up every few minutes to make sure no one is tearing up her parents’ place. Barry, who’d been talking to her dad before he left, strolls over to her, expression calm. He walks right into her, positioning himself between her legs, planting his hands right on her hips.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

Iris, in the process of looping her arm around his neck, pulls back until only her hand is circling his throat. “What are you sorry for?”

“I told you that I would,” he waves a hand as he tries to find his words, “that I would give you the time that you need. And I told myself that I would take it easy, that I wouldn’t pressure you. But I think earlier, I, I was…”

“Wait, no.” She shakes her head, stopping him. She has to lean in closer, because the DJ has just started up and the music is loud in the relatively small space, in addition to her currently drunk brother and his friends singing along loudly to the song. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just trying to figure out what it all means. This is, this is new to me, and I’m just...”

He nods slowly when she trails off, flicking his pink tongue out to swipe across his mouth. Iris follows the action, eyes darting up when his lips start to curve up.

“I’m here until you figure it out.” He steps closer, closing the distance between them. Her legs wrap around his waist automatically, hands sliding up until they’re holding onto her hips. “And in the meantime, we can get a little tipsy and make out like we’re 21 again.”

“Oh, so you did a lot of drunk making out at 21?”

His eyes go big. “Of course not. Just maybe once or twice, you know.” He taps her hip. “And with no one as pretty as you.”

Iris barks out a laugh. “Nice save.”

He grins wide. “Yeah. I thought so too.”

He orders another drink too, and Allegra smirks at the both of them, her version of a smile, as she sets their drinks down.

Iris grabs her drink and raises the glass. “Let’s toast.”

“Okay,” Barry agrees. “What are we toasting to?”

“New relationships?” she tries.

“Sure,” he nods. “And to figuring it out.”

They clink glasses.

She doesn’t know how long it takes Barry to get her alone in a dark corner, grinding on one another to the music. They sit at the bar for a little while longer, until they finish their cocktails. They order another, though Iris asks for more of whatever mixers are being used than champagne. They don’t try to talk much since they can’t really hear one another without shouting at the other. Instead, they watch the younger crowd dance for a while. Iris turns her chair all the way around so that she can keep an eye, and Barry sits down beside her. He’s turned to the side so that he can crowd her, legs wide, both of his hands touching her.

At one point, Linda stands up and walks through the crowd in her tall black strappy heels and leather pants. She straightens the sheer white blouse she’s got tucked into her pants and grabs the microphone from the DJ.

“Alright,” she starts amidst groans from the crowd when the music is cut. “Oh hush it.” She searches out the crowd until she finds Wally and then she smiles at him. “So Iris and I really want to thank you all for coming out tonight; she’s not up here because speaking in front of crowds isn’t really her thing, but I know I speak for us both when I say that we’re so happy to celebrate my honorary baby brother. Get drunk, but don’t forget to tip the bartender. Have fun, but not enough that you tear my parents’ shit up. And as we’re drinking and dancing, let’s remember the beautiful man that we’re here to love on. I’m so incredibly lucky that you let me into your life when I made my way into Iris’s. Happy birthday and I love you, Wally.”

Wally blows a kiss at Linda and then turns to catch Iris’s eyes. She sees the sheen of unshed tears in Wally’s and he mouths an “I love you” at her that she immediately mouths back. Up front, Linda starts to move away from the mic and then comes back. “And one round of shots on me!”

The music starts back up and the partiers get back into the groove. Iris and Barry sit for moments longer, until the music changes to something lower, sultrier, the lyrics seductive, i-i recognize the butterflies inside me, ah; sense is gonna be made tonight, tonight; all you gotta do is say yes, the beat one that she can feel in every part of her. Barry must feel it too.

“Dance with me,” he requests, standing, and she nods, taking his hand and following him out. He finds them a spot off to the opposite end of the DJ, further away from where the crowd of dancers have also begun to pair off, to fall victim to the beat of this song. Barry stands with his back against the wall, near where a curtain hangs shadowed from the others, and he turns Iris until her ass is pressed firmly against his front.

She begins to rock, winding her hips in easy circles, letting her body learn the rhythm of the song, all you gotta do is say yes, letting her body get lost in the music, lost in the crooned commands as the artists sing, don’t deny what you feel, let me undress you, baby. He matches her, swaying with her, touching on her as he does. He holds onto her, one hand pressed just beneath her breasts, the other right above her pelvis. She lets her head fall back onto his shoulder, wrapping her arm behind her around his neck. Barry leans down and presses a kiss to her cheek, her ear, tugging at the lobe with his teeth, with his tongue, sucking on her.

“Hmmm,” she purrs, grinding back against him, humming along, open up your mind and just rest; i’m about to let you know that you make me so, so...

“I’ve been watching you,” Barry tells her, whispering it into her ear over the music. “In this dress all fucking night. Do you know what it’s been doing to me?”

She shakes her head in response to his question.

“It’s been driving me crazy,” he responds. “Wally’s little friends have been watching you, probably wanting to touch you like I’ve been wanting to do all night.”

She doesn’t stop dancing, hips moving slow to one side, slower to the other, Barry moving with her. He grinds behind her, holding her tight against him. She can feel him start to swell against her ass and she closes her eyes at the feeling, at the sound of his voice, rough and arousal-soaked, speaking in her ear.

“You walked up to me on the street with this leg out.” He rubs down as much of her thigh as he can reach and then back up. “Your skin glowing and that sexy mouth of yours smiling at me.”

He tips his fingers back up her thigh and he reaches under her dress and across her pelvis. Her legs spread as she bends her knees, still in time to the music, but it gives him more access. The panties she’s got on are black and high cut, and Barry caresses her bare bikini line. Her grip tightens on his neck, bringing them even closer, making it easier to slide his fingers even further into her panties.

“Barry,” she whispers, and she knows he can’t hear her. But he doesn’t need to because he taps her on her pelvis, his longest finger catching on her clit.

“Don’t worry,” he says, “I’m not gonna finger fuck you out here.”

Iris realizes, as he says it, that maybe she wouldn’t hate it; because the singers are saying, you make me so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, and he does, make her so so so...and she’s feeling it, feeling him, wondering what people might see if they looked over, wondering why the thought of it makes her stomach clench, a little in embarrassment, a little more in something that makes the clench move lower, her sex clamping around where she wants his fingers, where she wants his dick.

She turns, wraps her arms around his neck, and kisses him. It gets deep fast, with Iris licking into Barry’s mouth and Barry returning her kiss with fervor. She grips at the hair at the nape of his neck, and he reaches down, gripping a firm handful of her ass to bring her closer. She moans into his mouth, catching his answering groan.

She pulls back. “Come with me.”

She takes his hand and leads him through the crowd. No one is paying much attention to them; Wally is still in the middle of the floor, dancing against a tall good looking dark-skinned man. Linda is out there too, Dan dancing his normal one-two step move as Linda leans close to him, her arms looped around his neck. Iris takes Barry to the back, down the hall that leads past the kitchen. The bathrooms are there, and Iris checks to make sure no one is coming before she pushes through the door and leads him inside. She takes him to the last and the largest of the three stalls, past the three gold circular mirrors above clean white sinks; her shoes are loud on the black marble floors.

“You know,” Barry says as she locks the stall door behind her. He grabs for her, clutching her hand. “You claimed it was me who got you to do stuff like this, but you brought me back here.”

She lifts her eyebrow at him, even as she moves past him to lean against the wall. “You saying you don’t want me in here?”

She positions herself so that her leg is peeking out from the long slit in her dress. She doesn’t know what’s gotten into her.

Except maybe she does.

The weight of her earlier revelation sits heavy on her, and the song that’s been playing, the you make me so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, sits just as heavy, pushing on her thighs, and on her heart too; and Iris needs to do something with it, needs to let go of some of this feeling, to get out the parts that might start to be too much, that are already beginning to flood her, so that she can make sense of what’s really there.

So she looks Barry in the eye, runs her manicured nails over her throat, down through her cleavage, over her belly until she can touch at the top of her thigh. She opens the skirt, showing him the panties he’d been playing with earlier, the lace around her waist, the thin fabric that shows exactly what it’s supposed to be covering.

“Bear?”

He’s over to her in two long strides. He plants both of his hands on the wall behind her, crowding her.

“I want you wherever you want me,” he tells her. “On your couch, on a blanket in the woods, in as many places in this restaurant as you’ll let me fuck you in.”

He licks his lips, but he doesn’t move to touch her. Instead, he thrusts his hips against her so that she can feel him, hard and solid against her pelvis.

“This is what you do to me, baby. I think about you and I’m like this.” He pushes against her one more time and then tells her to “turn around.”

She does. And the next few moments are like something out of a film, how rushed they are, how passionate. He presses her against the wall and touches her as he rubs his dick on her ass, slipping his hand into the top of her dress to play with her breasts. Her bra is made of the same thin material as her panties and he alternates between squeezing the whole of her breast and then pinching at the nipples, and then moving to the other to do more of the same. He kisses her wherever his mouth catches her: in her hair, on her cheek, on her shoulders when her dress starts to slide. They’re both breathing heavily; Iris is grinding back onto Barry where he’s so goddamn hard behind her, his sex swollen and his chest covering her. Her hands are clenching and unclenching into fists as she bangs lightly on the wall, moaning deep in her throat, humming her pleasure, you make me so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so...

Iris hears the clank of his belt unbuckling. And her pussy is ready for him, slick and throbbing as she looks behind her to see him shoving his pants past his knees, gripping and then tearing open a condom he’s gotten from somewhere, caressing his own thick dick as he rolls it on. He leans over and kisses her, wet and sloppy, holding her in this position until he’s done devouring her mouth. Then he turns her back to the wall and lifts her dress, draping it above her waist. The cool air hits her heated flesh, and that contact, and Barry’s fingers spreading her thighs, and Barry pushing her panties to the side, rubbing along her slit to make sure she’s ready for him, it makes her moan loud and long.

Barry pushing into her cuts her off.

Her heels put her at the perfect height to arch her back into him, to take him in.

“Shit, Iris,” he murmurs. He pulls out, pushes back in, pulls out to the tip, pushes back in, and Iris knocks her forehead against the wall. “All the time,” he tells her, “I, I think about being in this pussy all the time.”

Her pussy opens for him, when he says that, letting him in deeper. Barry finds a rhythm, short strokes first, shallow and brief; and then longer strokes that bury him in, that smacks his pelvis against her ass. She loves the feel of him behind her, even if she misses being able to touch him, but the feel of his kissing on her and touching on her and fucking so hard into her more than makes up for it.

And then the door opens. Iris hears the music grow louder for several seconds and the unsteady clack of multiple pairs of heels and the drunken laughter of the women walking.

Iris whimpers, the sound turning into a moan because Barry doesn’t stop, just keeps riding her, gripping her waist tight. She holds in the moan she wants to let out, holds in how much she wants to slap her hand against the wall since she can’t. Barry angles himself closer to her.

“I think you like it, Iris,” he murmurs into her ear. “As soon as that door opened, you got wetter, baby.”

“Ahhh,” she breathes heavily as he pumps into her.

“You like it when you could get caught, huh? When someone might hear you?”

Iris shuts her eyes tight, shakes her head, and then bites down on her lip to keep from yelling out. But he feels so good, so thick and hard, and the feeling’s curling thick in her belly, thicker in her walls quivering around him. And he might not necessarily be wrong, that she likes it, the possibility of being caught, the fact that she could be heard. The loud laughter she’d heard when the door opened has quieted to softer giggles now; maybe they think she’s so into this that she doesn’t notice that the door never opened again, but they’re still there, amused by what’s happening. And from the way she keeps tightening on Barry’s dick, the way she’s pushing back against him, harder and harder, she’s more than into this.

“No? You don’t like this?” Barry questions and he shifts her dress even higher up her waist, pressing her harder into the wall.

“Fuck,” she grunts at the contact.

He gives a short, breathy chuckle. “Don’t worry. I like it too.” He reaches up and pulls her lip from between her teeth. “Don’t hold back. Let them hear you. Louder, baby.” He keeps rocking into her, as he moves that same hand down her chin, down the line of her neck, until he wraps a hand around the base of her throat. “Moan for me louder. Let them know who’s fucking you in here, baby.”

“Oohhh, yes,” she moans, only a touch louder.

He rubs a hand over her exposed ass cheek, softly, reverently. And then he pulls her hand back and smacks her hard.

“Barryyyyy!” She yells. Her rhythm falters and her head falls back against his shoulder. The arch in her back deepens and it pushes him even deeper.

“Just like that,” Barry groans.

“Damn,” she hears one of the girls in the bathroom breathe.

“Maybe we should get out of here,” another says.

“After I’m done texting Chris to see if I can come over after this.”

There is another round of laughs and Barry laughs again against her throat. “They like what I’m doing to you too.”

There’s a light thin layer of sweat on her skin, the sheen on her face and her chest, down her thighs. She’s wet, (god, she always gets so wet with him), and she’s dripping out around his dick. Her dress is probably going to be ruined.

But none of that matters. All that does is the sensations she’s feeling. Sex with Barry always takes up every one of her senses, and this is no different: she can taste the champagne still on her tongue, the mint from his when he’d kissed her; she can smell the citrus of the lemongrass on his skin, the rose water on her own, the heady scent of their arousal filling her nostrils; she can’t physically see much, with her eyes constantly shut tight, but she can picture it, picture them, his pants down at his ankles, legs as wide as they can go, her dress hiked up over her hips, the long length of him sliding in and out of her soaked pussy from behind; the feel of her breasts pressed into the cool wall, his fingers pressed into her throat, her hand clutching onto that same wrist; the soft sound of their breathing, the girls speaking softly, the music still playing, matching her cries, singing ah, ah, yea-yeah, yeah, yea-yeah; oh right there, right there, right there; right there, right there; right there, oh, oh, mm, mmm.

“Tell me what you want, Iris,” Barry groans. “Tell me, tell them, fuck, baby…”

“Harder,” she says, wanting to come, needing him to get her there. “Harder, Bear, fuck me…”

He does. He shifts again so that he can push all the way into her, riding her ass, and he long strokes into her, knocking against something that makes her quiver, harder and harder, a little bit faster, but always good, so good, so good, so, so, so…

“Barry.” Her orgasm hits her just as hard as he’s been doing. She doesn’t even realize it’s coming, not until her entire body seizes up, even her toes curl in her shoes, and she pushes back on Barry, squeezing him tight. It triggers his own and he grips her waist as he spills into her, the feel of his throbbing dick prolonging her climax, making her fall back into him until she’s completely spent.

“Did you, uh, do a lot of this when you were 21 and tipsy making out?”

Iris stands against the wall of the stall, looking down at her dress for stains, holding her underwear in her hands because she couldn’t stand the wet feel of them on her. The bathroom is quiet now, save for the faint music still coming from the front. She knows that they should hurry before someone else comes in, but she can’t really move yet.

Barry laughs as he shoves himself back into his pants and buckles back up. He’s already tied the condom up and flushed it down the toilet.

“God, no. The most I could get was a little over the shirt boob action.”

Iris shakes her head, a little fondly. “Please never say boob action again.”

“No?” He rubs his hand down the front of his sweater. “That’s not sexy?”

Iris shakes her head again as he walks back over to her. “Not even a little bit. That’s probably why you weren’t getting any.”

“You’re probably right. But I’ve upped my game now.”

Iris laughs. “You’ve upped your game?”

He nods, a goofy little grin on his face. He stops in front of her and takes one of her hands in his.

“Yeah. We did a little dancing, a little touching.” He wiggles his eyebrows and grabs at the panties in her hand, holding them up. “And I got you to fuck me in a bathroom.”

“Oh?” Iris watches as he puts the panties into his pockets. “You got me to fuck you?” She looks down at herself, and then sticks her leg out further. The slit of this dress, the shoes, the way the dress drapes her frame is undoubtedly a tongue-tier. Barry nods, swallows, and meets her gaze again, those eyes doing that graying thing she’s found she loves.

“Y-yeah. We can, uh, we can share the credit.”

Iris laughs out loud at that. “Come on,” she squeezes his hand and presses a kiss to his cheek. “Let’s get out of here. We’re already gonna have to sneak out. What if those girls tell Wally? I can’t believe you had me doing all that.”

They leave the bathroom stall, heading for the door.

“It’s my game,” Barry replies, and Iris hides her laughter as they slip back into the party.

She looks for Wally to tell him that she’s leaving. Luckily, he’s at the bar, laughing with Allegra and the man he was dancing with earlier.

“Iris!” he shouts when he sees her. “Barry!”

Iris laughs as she steps into his open arms. “Are you having a good time, baby?”

“I’m having the best time.” He squeezes her. “I bet you are too.”

He looks over her shoulder at Barry and when she turns too, she sees a bit of color in his cheeks.

“What are you talking about?” she deflects.

Wally’s shrug is not at all sly. “I heard that someone was in the ladies’ room screaming out ‘Barry.’” He winks at Barry who goes even redder. “You should probably be glad Xuan and Theo think of you as a daughter.”

She rolls her eyes, even as she turns her head to hide her embarrassment. “We just came to tell you that we’re leaving. I’ve got class in the morning.”

“Of course,” Wally says, nodding. “And you’re both probably tired.”

“Okay, bye,” Iris starts to move out of his arms.

Wally laughs and tightens his arms around her. “I’m only kidding, big sis.” Then his smile turns softer and he casts another glance at Barry, before reaching down and cupping her cheek.

“This man is gone over you, Iris,” he says softly. “And I’m so happy for you. Nobody I know deserves a love like this more than you do.”

Iris gives him a smile and then another quick hug. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He pulls Barry in for a hug. “So good to officially meet you.”

“You too, man.”

And with that, Barry takes her hand and leads him out, and Iris follows beside him, overcome with what she’s feeling for him. She’d thought the sex might give her some space to think, but it’s only really just heightened it. They are still in the rising action of this story, gliding higher and higher on a diagram, climbing towards a climax she’s becoming excited to experience.

She’s only scared of what might happen when they come down from it.

All you gotta do is say yes

(Don't deny what you feel, let me)

#westallen fanfiction #barry x iris #iris west #barry allen #strangers to lovers

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vampireqrow-moved · 3 years

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um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

#if u have follow up questions ill probably answer them 2morrow #if u ask something just be nice its my birthday 🙄🙄#anyways time to tag this lol !#pansexuality #biphobia #transphobia #q slur #long post #my post #ask to tag maybe??

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rainmonarchdraws · 4 years

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okay so i know we aren't super happy with the endings (and i think it has a lot to do with fanservice and lack of of a big picture, but thats another post) BUT this post is about how i see scout's story developing post canon!

Upright

so of course we see Muriel reconnecting with the Kokhuri (summer festival anyone?) which is FANTASTIC and i definitely think that continues

And it sort of makes scout feel left out bc i think subconsciously they know there's a big rift between them and their family, even if they can't remember what it is or how it happened

On top of consciously not having any memories before Asra brought them back to life

So i think Muriel would encourage them to investigate into their family

The tricky part is, even though Asra knew scout really well before they died, they still didn't talk about their family much and purposfully distanced themselves from that part of their life

As far as they were concerned, being a street kid with asra was the only thing they needed (the two would have been in their late teens together before they got the shop)

So i think the angst really comes in when Scout starts regaining their memories and realizes their situation isn't like Muriel's, where his family sent him away to protect him and would welcome him back with open arms

Scout left (ran away) in the throws of a fight with their parents. they said some very awful things, and burned that bridge as best they could (they were 16, so you can imagine the kind of pain they tried to inflict)

(Keep in mind their patron arcana is the Lovers, so their stuff revolves around choices, relationships, and the lasting effects of those decisions)

So should they seek out their family, there's no guarantee that they'll find the love they've been craving

And it might take a long while for them to get to the point that they would go looking, because they need to feel totally secure in their found family before they're comfortable with all that

And anyways i think the upright ending sets up that narrative well :)

Reversed

So ive been enamored with the devil!Muriel AU for a while and i think the reversed end sets this up well too!

So basically, monster hunting gets exhausting at some point so scout and muriel start looking for ways to un-break the world

It would take a while tho. Muriel is not interested in trying to hold the whole world on his shoulders anymore

But when they look into it, they realize that the arcana realms still need a Devil, and I think after a while that life appeals to muriel - he'd be in control of his own space, sequestered away from everyone (except scout)

And the decision appeals to scout too, its a very final, black and white choice, and it means they're working for the greater good without the constant maintenance (the monsters just keep coming and its hard to feel like they're doing much at all)

By this time, their friends in vesuvia have stopped trying to contact them - Muriel is driven by the need to isolate, and Scout is driven by their devotion to him (the Hermit and Lovers dovetail nicely here), and Asra, Julian, and Nadia know that isn't going to change anytime soon

So Muriel becomes the Devil and starts separating his realm from everywhere else (which i imagine creates a chain reaction with other realms, slowly strengthening the divide "across") (i dont know that muriel and scout would be especially aware of this, but they know putting the devil back on his throne is the right thing to do)

Goblin devil au shenanigans ensue, Scout is in the process of becoming a thrall

(Once again, notice how the lovers are on the devil card!!)

Although their passion is cooking, they also enjoy clerical type work (this was great for their shop with asra, he brought home magic stuff and they organized it) so i think they'd occupy themselves with the Devil's previous and still active deals ie The Courtiers

Obviously, muriel does not care for them, refuses to make anymore deals with them, and may start the process of destroying them to give power back to their patron arcana (maybe. might take a while)

so frankly i am very excited about my apprentice and that feeling outweighs any disappointment i feel from muriels last chapters lol

#yes i am aware that the upright ending is basically the prodigal son parable #but listen its my comfort self insert and i get to pick the plot!#mel posts stuff #not art #the arcana game #fan apprentice #muriel the arcana

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pop-punklouis · 4 years

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hope do you have any advice,, ive been thinking so much about bg lately and how much i want it to end so louis can be free of it and i know its not my life and im not letting it affect mine but it does kind of consume my fandom experience but its been over five years and so i guess it could be years more and thats just a depressing thought

oh hi babe, i had a similar conversation the other day with a few friends actually. i want you to know that you’re completely valid to feel this way. babygate, as a presence, has been a soul-sucking entity ever since it’s creation and has wreaked havoc on the fandom (and of course louis) for its entirety. one of its purposes, in my opinion, was to draw the deepest of wedges between every part of this fanbase, especially the different sectors of the larries, and break it all up to a point where it’ll never be repaired the way it once was. and they most definitely succeeded in that. there’s never been as much divide, hierarchy, or complete absence that has overridden the fandom like this has.

we all want it to end. we all want to see louis free from those chains that have held him down for so long. we all would love to never have it orbit our minds the way it has for 5 years. and, it can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. back in 2016-2017, i had to take a long, hard look in the mirror because babygate had completely consumed my well-being and mental health. i found myself being too anxious to eat or too worried to do anything but stay glued to these platforms waiting for what came next, and it completely ruined my fandom experience. i didn’t hop over to the fandom after a long day to escape into this outlet that used to comfort me and distract me from reality. i began hopping over to the fandom with dread, confusion, and just miserableness. fandom didn’t make me happy anymore, and it was sucking the life out of me. so, i took a step back for a bit and re-evaluated myself and my attachment to this band/this fanbase. once i did those things, i came back with a clearer mind and a much healthier attitude.

so, in saying all that, i know you said it hasn’t affected your life in any way, but if your fandom experience has been molded around BG for the longest time and there’s more upset and negativity that stems from it for you, then it is perfectly understandable to just take a step back. don’t let it eat you from the inside out because that’s what it wants. don’t let it cause you to spiral into what-ifs and timelines. you and your well-being are more important than anything going on here with any stunt or any circumstance.

and when i say step back, you don’t have to leave the fandom bubble completely, but just tweak how you normally navigate it. that’s what i did to begin with, and it made all the difference. for some examples, blacklist words that are associated with BG, don’t find yourself interacting or looking at that family’s antics and photos, perhaps curate your dash to unfollow those that routinely talk about these things that can cause you to feel this way, or only allot yourself a specific time of day for fandom instead of constantly checking it. all these things are small changes, but they can make a world of difference.

i firmly believe Louis will be freed sooner than later, but i also firmly believe that your well-being and self-care in this fandom needs to be nurtured first.

#i hope this helped babe #babygate

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ambwkpopreads · 4 years

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Jaehyun Oneshot

Hello! Heres a little oneshot ive been working on. Its not edited or anything so Im sorry for anymistakes.

WARNING: Its a bit smutty. A bit angsty, and a but fluffy

It's one thing being the new girl during senior year of highschool, but it's another when the most attractive, popular guy tries to befriend you. Everyone hated you. No more like all of the girls hated you, making your life living hell.

For years they have been trying to catch his attention. Going to all of his sports games, cheering him on. Making him lunches, giving him gifts. They were jealous at the fact that all you did was walk into school on your first day and he was looking your way.

During your first month, the death glares and evil eyes got worse and worse. Were they really that surprised to see a colored gal in their school. It couldn't be- you've seen others. Plenty of others, yet they gave you the same look.

You met a girl named Max. A smaller Korean girl with really long hair, tied half up and half down. She was a bit shy but she saw how much you were struggling, she just had to help you. You didn't know what was whispering around school, you just had some bad luck at the new school.

“I'm Max.” She smiles down at you. You were sitting at a picnic bench in the school's courtyard. It was lunch time, sitting outside was better than being watched in the cafeteria.

“Um, hi.” You were in awe, this girl. She looks at you with a smile on her face. Not the look of death itself.

“Okay, I'm not usually like this, but I feel very very bad for you.” She plops down across from you and she pulls her bag off of her shoulders. She unzips it and takes out a brown bag with her name in Korean on it. Must be her lunch. “Like yes, Jung Jaehyung is mighty fine, but honestly to target a girl, especially when she's new.” She is talking to herself as she unpacks her lunch. Some kimbap rolls, and a small container of radish kimchi. Wow. that sounds better then this beef stew and rice the school gave.

“Wait, wait. Jung Jaehyun? Who? That star player?” You ask her, confused. She sighs and sets her food down, looking back at you.

“Jung Jaehyun is the school's star player. He is the school's heartthrob. Every girl wants him, every guy wants to be him. Do you see what I'm getting at?” She questions. You nod understanding.

“Right, but what does that have to do with me?” But she just shakes her head.

“Yah! If you weren't so oblivious then maybe you wouldn't be struggling so much.” She bursts. Before you could fight back, she continued. “Jaehyun has taken a liking to you. And every girl around here is jealous. Even the ones with boyfriends. One main reason is because you are new, so no girl originally in this school had a chance, and that upsets everyone. It's funny really.” She laughs a bit. But you don't find this funny at all, in fact you're pissed.

“Are you serious right now? My senior year is going to shit because some pretty boy thinks i'm cute? What shit.” You didn't even want to eat anymore.

“Just cute?” She gives you a big laugh. “It's funny how oblivious you are. I don't understand how you don't see how many times this man had tried to talk to you. Or tried to get your attention. But you just walk away, not fazed at all. Another reason why every girl here hates you. Because they want to be you.” Her words sound crazy as hell. You have never had anyone ever even think you're cute, and now suddenly the most popular boy likes you. No, you wanted to finish your senior year out with no distractions, and the school hating you didn't help your stress levels.

“That's just fucking stupid.” You yell, sudden memories clouding your brain.

It's kind of obvious to what he looked like since his sports pictures were everywhere. You noticed him always looking your way, or smiling. Sometimes even waving. But you never paid any attention. You didn't want to wave back and he was actually waving to someone around you. “You like him too?”

“If I did I wouldn't be sitting here.” She shrugs. “But I will admit, he is one fine piece of-” Her eyes widen at the end of her sentence. Her whole body freezes up as she looks behind you. Then you suddenly felt a presence behind you. You turn around and see Jaehyun himself standing there.

“Hi, I noticed you weren't eating, and so I wanted to offer my lunch?” He holds it out. Your eyes widen at the dumplings and the Kimbap next to it. There was also a side of Kimchi and sauce.

“You've got to be shitting me.” You hear Max mumble behind you.

“You noticed I wasn't eating. You were watching me?” You look over and see him little friend group that he is always sitting at a table just on the other side of the windows dividing the outside from the in. They all quickly look away when they see you looking.

“Are you playing some game or something?” You question him, his face was really red, and he didn't know what to say. “Every girl in the school hates me because of you. Can't you target someone else?” You let all your frustrations out on him, all the stress you've been feeling lately.

“What?” He asks, true confusion running across his face.

“Like you don't know. I don't know if you like me or something, but just stop. I don't want to date someone like you.” You just couldn't stop. Now that you know the reason and he just came and proved it to you, it just pissed you off. You turn away before he could say anything else.

It was the next week and Max catches up to you.

“I still can't believe you told him off like that, I would've at least taken the food.” Max keeps going on. She's been telling you forever it feels like how crazy you are.

“Look, you can keep going on and on, but I don't want a man who is chased by literally every girl. If I get caught up with him, I'll be just like everyone else. Soon fighting for his attention. I'll pass.”

“You have a point, but-” There's always a but. “Unlike every other girl around here, he is fighting for your attention.”

Jaehyun never gave up. He always made you lunch, at some point you just gave up on rejecting it and taking it. But then he would be on your ass about wasting so much food. So then you just stopped getting school lunch and eating his.

There was a point when he wanted to walk you to class. You obviously didn't want him too, but you can't stop him from walking. You complain about the stares you got, the clear shit talk from everyone around you. He just tells you to ignore them, that he gets them all the time.

You didn't realize that he also did. You got hate from the girls, and he got hate from the guys. Either pure jealousy, or the fact that they wanted to be him.

You walked into school one Monday. You wouldn't say you were in a good mood. In fact you were highly irritated. Over the weekend, more rumors were made up. “Jaehyun made a bet.” “Jaehyun just wanted to see if he could snag the new girl.” “He knew her from the past, a long lost love or something.”

You knew not to believe rumors, but seriously if he just stopped, everything would go away.

You were so not in the mood to deal with him. When you got into school, you realized the first bell already rang, so the hallways were empty. Not to make any more stress for yourself, you were just going to go to the next one.

You pull your bag closer to yourself and you walk to the library. When you find a small couch closed off a bit from the rest of the library, you do a little happy dance. You sit down and take a deep breath. It feels like this is the first actual silence you've gotten all weekend.

You had three months left of this bullshit.

“YN?” His voice comes out of nowhere, breaking your silence. You actually wanted to scream. You wanted to be upset, but you were actually quite happy he was here.

You've always wanted to think about how good his hugs would be. How warm he would be. You would be lying if you said you hated when he was around. But you could never admit that. Because as soon as you did, he would leave.

You need him to leave before you get too attached to the idea of him hanging around.

He walks around to stand in front of you. Your eyes follow him. He was looking at you with a confused and concerned look.

“What do you want Jaehyun?” You ask. You tried to sound stern, but you just sounded tired.

“Something is bothering you, so I'm bothered.” He shrugs. He sets his bag down and sits on the floor across from you. You sighed.

“Why do you do this?” You ask looking over at him.

“What am I doing?” He asks.

“Acting like you care? You're always around? You are making my life so much harder that it already was. How hard is it for you to leave me alone?” You felt yourself start to tear up. You didn't want him to leave, you just wanted baggage to go.

“I told you to ignore them Yn. They won't go away.” He mumbles, ignoring your questions. Or so you thought. He pulls his legs up to his chest a bit. “When you first came here, when I first saw you, it was like I could see everything clearly again. I know what I wanted.” He sighs. “That didn't come out right.” He puts his legs down. “I've seen how your time here has been, I can't stop these people from saying what they want. But I can try and make you feel better. That's why I've been wanting to make you food, I don't want you eating the shitty lunch. I thought maybe small things like that would make your day better.” He was going on, shocking you. “I won't lie, the fact that you didn't like me, just made me like you even more. Everytime I would walk you to class, you would say little things, either to me or just out loud. I don't know, but I realized that you are different then everyone here. You're like a puzzle I want to put together, ya know.”

Your eyes were huge in the first sentence. You didn't say anything, so he continued getting more and more nervous, he tried his best to show it. He looks at you in the eyes.

“All the hate you've been getting, has been getting to me to ya know. I don't want all these stupid rumors to make you think any different of me. I want you to have your own impression. If it makes you feel any better. I haven't had a girlfriend since middle school. To focus on sports.” He mumbles the last part.

Now, out of all your fantasies, you never thought of a confession like this one. You still couldn't get anything out. Say something!

The bell rings, telling you to start going to your next class. You quickly grab your bag and leave. Leaving Jaehyun sitting there watching you walk away. He clenches his jaw, realizing half of the words he just said.

“Fuck, now I've definitly scared her off.”

He left you alone after that. Which you were happy about for the first couple of days. You got to actually breathe, and get your shit together. He was so distracting, but in a good bad way. You were fighting your own feelings at this point. But everytime you give in, you're left in the dust. You didn't want to feel like everyone else either.

After a couple of more days, you started to get a bit more sad. Because maybe you walking away that day was the worst mistake you could have made. You shouldn't feel the way you did, you wanted this, you wanted him gone. You hated yourself for getting used to him being around. Then again you did technically reject him. So you shouldnt be sad, you should be glad.

It Friday now, you were making your way to your locker to grab your things for the weekend. Your mom and dad went on a weekend getaway, so that meant that you had to walk home, also meant you had the whole house to yourself.

A whole week with no Jaehyun, it was strange. You didn't even focus on the stares you got anymore, your mind was filled with him, just like everyone else. You were usually the last in the halls, you hated rushing with the crowd. You start walking down the hallway, towards the front door. Suddenly a door on the left opens and out comes Jaehyun. He's looking down at the floor as he's walking. He looks up noticing someone else in the empty hallway.

It seems like he was just as shocked as you were to see him. But what did you have to say? Nothing. So you keep walking.

Jaehyun, once again, watches you walk away. He can feel his eye twitch a bit at the similarity of this situation. He walks up behind you and grabs your hand making you stop walking.

“Are you goi- Can I walk you home?” He fumbles over his words a bit.

“Sure Jae.” You say without a second thought. He smiles, but then shakes it off. You turn to walk again, but he stops you again.

“Can we go to my locker first?” he asks. You don't say anything, but nod. He holds his hand out for you to take. You raise your eyebrow at his need for your hand.

“Please.” He pouts his lip. You sigh and hold his hand, he was quick to lace your fingers together. His smile is big and bright. You quickly look away, feeling your cheeks burn. God his smile was pretty. He takes you to his locker, a little further into the school then yours was. He tries to unlock his locker with one hand. He fails a bit, clearly needing his other hand. You try to pull yours away, but he pulls back, squeezing it a bit. Then all of a sudden, he opened it. He does a little dance, happy that he wasn't struggling anymore. You had to quickly look away.

Why is it so hard to look at him? Has he always been this pretty?

You can look but not touch, you remind yourself. As soon as you do, your eyes go to your laced hands. You look back up too see Jaehyun slinging his backpack over one shoulder. He then shuts the locker and looks down at you.

“Ready?” He asks you softly. When your eyes connected, they were stuck. All you can hear is your heart beating fast, the only thing you could focus on was his bottom lip tucked under his teeth a bit. His black hair was curly a bit, and hanging a little over his eyes. He shakes his head a bit, giving himself a better view, letting his lip go.

You quickly nod walking forward, pulling him behind since he wouldn't let your hand go.

The walk took ten minutes. Hand in hand, walking as if you weren't in a rush. Nothing was said, because your mind was filled with a million words.

Jaehyun was the same. His heart was beating so fast. He has had a rough week. He didn't want to avoid you, but his friends mentioned that giving you space will make the future better for both of you. He thought it made sense. But before this, you were actually opening up to him. You may not have noticed, but now he knows so many little things about you. Like your favorite food, and color. He was getting somewhere, but now you felt cold. You closed the door before he could get a foot in. He could feel it in your hand. It was just hanging there, as he held it tight. There has to be good things coming from this.

You turn down the final alleyway, making it to the first door you come to. You turn to him wanting to say something. But he beats you to it, holding your hand up and holding it with both of his hands.

“Before you say anything, I'm sorry.” He breathes out. “I didn't mean to say all of that to you on Monday. I mean I did, but not like that. You were going through something and I just overwhelmed you more.”

“Jaehyun why do you like me?” You ask him, not sugar coating anything. He frowns a bit, looking down at the ground. He licks his lips.

“Truthfully, it was when I first saw you. I thought you were so fucking beautiful. Mhm…” He looks up at you. “I really couldn't get you outta my head. Then it got to the point where my heart was beating out of my chest when you came near me. I knew I was in deep when I heard how much I was contributing to making your life hell. It made me sad that you were sad. You didn't have anyone until Max, I tried to reach out but you just brushed me off, expected. I just wanted to show you that I was here for you and no one else.” His eyes bored into yours. His words shocked you to the core. “I'm sorry for not speaking to you all week. Only excuse I have is that I want you to be happy, and I'll do anything to make sure of just that.”

“Avoiding me for a week doesn't help anything. It doesn't make any sense, how can you just leave so easily if you supposedly like me.” You were getting frustrated. Thankfully there was no one around. “I don't want to give in to you and these stupid feelings I have, just to have you walk away.” Your words made Jaehyun’s heart drop to his ass. He will never listen to his friends again.

No one says anything for a moment.

“Feelings?” Jaehyun's voice was soft. Whisper like.

“I-Just stop being all flirty if you're going to avoid me like you don't know me. My heart can't handle that. I know that I wasn't the nicest to you, but you make me feel so warm and fuzzy-” He cuts off your rambling by raising his hands to your face.

“Please don't get worked up, I promise I won't do that again.” His face was close to yours. His lips grazed yours as he spoke to you. You were trapped between the brick walls and him in front of you. Your body was on fire, your knees felt weak.

You push him away quickly, you take your right hand and beat on the chest of your heart slightly.

“Stop doing that.” You fan yourself. “Being all cute and teasing me like that. I can't take that from you.” You felt out of breath.

Jaehyun looks down at your red burning cheeks. He smiles in awe at you- so fucking cute.

“Either kiss me or don't.” You mumble, not thinking he could hear you. But oh did he. You gave him permission. “Thanks for walking me home.” You could feel his eyes looking down at you. You look back up at him, and pull your hand away. You turn and open the door, before you step in, you look back at him.

“I think-I think it would be best if this is the last time we talk to each other.” You quickly go in and shut the door. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to drown out his voice calling your name. You realized how far deep you are, and you needed it to stop now. You refused to get hurt. Stopping it now, before anything else could happen. It was right.

It was so easy for him to walk away, probably not having a thought about you. All while you couldn't stop thinking of him. This decision might hurt you for a while, but it'll save you in the long run.

Hopefully.

You go up to your bedroom and call Max on your computer, using facetime. You both talk about how horrible certains classes are. She talks about the recent animes she's been into, telling you to write some down so you can see what she's talking about. You try to laugh along to her ramblings but everything was just off.

“Okay, what happened?” She stops talking about what her dog was eating, and stares at you through her screen, waiting.

“Jaehyun.” You say simply, knowing she wasn't going to stop asking.

“Spill!” She yells, getting excited.

“I-I don't know Max. He pretty much confessed to me twice. And- and I pushed him away.” You blurt, your eyes were already starting to tear up. The fact that Max wasn't saying anything, didn't make anything better. “It's better this way though, I won't get hurt. I refuse to fall for some pretty boy.” You shake your head.

“You are crazy, my friend. You are going to regret this.” She says seriously shaking her head. You were shocked at her words, expecting her to side with you. “Look I'm sorry, but I stand by the truth. I promise you he just got lucky with the look, Jaehyun is the God gifted person. He is one of a kind. There is a reason why he is the school's star student, without him, our school wouldn't have a name.” She rants. The school is pretty small.

“You need to fix this, I promise you, you will love me forever for convincing you.” She starts again. “You are self sabotaging, and I won't allow it.” She crosses her arms, and nods her head with a pout. Her facial expression makes you smile a tiny bit. You knew she was right, you were literally pushing him away, hurting him in the process of trying not to get hurt. That's not fair. You should at least try.

You really do know how to fuck shit up.

“Now I have to wait until Monday.” You mumble.

“Mhm no you don't. This girl Minji, she's having a party, he usually goes.” She spins around in her chair.

“Absolutely not. Are you kidding me? Everyone hates me.” You instantly shut it down.

“No, she doesn't. She's one of the girls with a boyfriend.”

“Then go with me.”

“EH! NO! I went once, and never again!!” Gosh, she could be so dramatic.

“I think I'm just going to go on a walk or something, take time to think. I can't let this stress me out.”

“You won't be if you just give into your obvious feelings.”

You lay down in your bed, thoughts never stop coming to you. You go through so many emotions as you think about everything. All you wanted is to go back in time. You weren't this type of person, yes you didn't want to hurt, but you also fought back. Deep down you know Jaehyun is an amazing person, but you werent and that was the problem.

You turn your head and take a look at the clock on the side table. It was almost midnight, you might as well sleep at this point.

The next morning, you make yourself some breakfast and start working on your homework that you had for the weekend. You hated dragging it out and would rather get it done all at once.

Hours pass when there's a knock on the back door. You frown and look up at the door, Jaehyun's voice pops into your head from him yelling out your name yesterday. You sigh, shaking your head softly wanting the thought to go away. You stand up and walk over to the door. You open the curtain a bit to see who was outside, and too see him there. Your eyes widen and you gasp closing the curtain.

“Can we talk?” He asks through the door.

“I'm not even dressed. I'll see you Monday.” You yell through the door. You look down at your pajamas, sweats and a tank top. No bra.

“Then put some clothes on, I need to talk to you.” His voice was loud enough for you to hear. You sighed, knowing that this was your fucking chance to make the right choice.

“Well can you wait one second?” You ask.

“Yes of course,” You hear him laugh a little. You quickly run to your room and put on a sweatshirt. You also brush your hair up and into a ponytail. You washed your face real quick, making sure everything was good. You brush your teeth for the second time this morning.

You go back and finally open the door. He was still standing there waiting, with a small smile on his face. You were horrified with yourself. He looked so good, with his hair a bit wavy, in an expensive looking knitted sweater. He looked so good out of school uniform. Then there's you, sleeping in on a saturday and looking like a troll while doing homework.

You let him in, he looks around the room, with his eyes landing on yours as he turns around. You didn't know what to do, say, or where to go. You look down at the table covered in your school work. You walk over to it and start to organize it again.

“So whats up?” You ask him. Your voice comes out a lot weaker than expected.

“I refuse to give up-I can't give up.” He speaks softly. The air around you two turned thick. You look up at him, frozen mid paper shuffle. He looks up at you and licks his lips. “I just want to tell you that you don't have to be scared. I promise you that I won't hurt you.” His eyes bore into your. Your cheeks are set ablaze. You look back down, tapping the paper on the table, as if they weren't already neat. So many things you could say back, what to say. His feet walk closer to you. His hand reaches out and he grabs your wrist. He gently takes the papers and tucks them in a book and closes it. He grabs both of your hands, and you couldn't help but to lace your fingers through his. He squeezes your hands with his. He gives you a soft smile.

Fuck hes so pretty.

You look down, your whole face now burning.

He was waiting for you to say something, anything. And you should, he has said so much and you just ran away. But now you can't, you won't.

“Jaehyun, this is all very foreigne to me. I never was pretty enough to anyone- I was never enough. I'm scared as hell yes, because I've been hurt before, and I refuse to.” No one ever tried this hard.

“I'm so sorry. You deserve so much, and I want to attempt to give you everything.” One of his hands let go of one of yours, and grabs on to your waist, slowly pulling you closer. You couldn't help but to lean forward and lay your head on his chest softly. You close your eyes and take a deep breath. You wanted to laugh.

“Jaehyun, you are so good with your words. Practice a lot?” You ask him, teasing. You wonder how many girls he had said this to. But his face confuses you a bit, he looks as if you caught him in the act of something bad. Then he quickly looks away, laughing.

“Yes actually, all morning.” His words come out soft, they also make your head snap up, looking at him. He then pulls you all the way into his arms. Your eyes roam all over his face. His skin was so perfect, eyes low and dark. His lips, so moist and inviting.

“You put this ball of light in me, and it keeps growing and growing. Everytime you glance my way, my heart skips a beat. I have goosebumps running down my spine just because you're in my arms. I heard a third time a charm, after this, I'll go if you want me to. But I think that you want this, but you're nervous. I understand, I just need you to understand that I got you baby.” His voice was silky. As he spoke, he got closer and closer. His words ending near your ear. Your eyes roll back a bit as goosebumps prickle your skin.

What would happen if you kissed him? Would he kiss back? Would he push you away because he didn't want to be kissed?

Fuck, you really wanted to kiss him. Why the hell not.

Your right hand raises up to his cheek. Your thumb running over his cheek softly. He stares down at you, letting you do whatever you please. Your hand runs farther, past his ear, deeper into his hair. You pull him closer, and he follows with no hesitation. You don't stop until you feel his lips on yours. It was like a bubble popped and you couldn't stop.

He pulls away a bit harshly looking down at you. His lips turned red and his hair a bit wild since your hand was all through it.

Oh no, did you do something wrong?

He suddenly backs you up a bit. His hands go onto your waist and quickly lifts you and sits you on the counter. You were a bit shook. Did this man just lift you?

You watch him as he opens your legs a bit and stands between them. He leans in, close to your face.

“Again.” And he kisses you again. He moans against your lips, sending vibrations from your lips and down. You can tell he tried to take it a bit slow, but you felt as if you had a bit of an advantage. You were positioned higher than him, so you easily laced your fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, making his face look up a bit more. You start to control the kiss, you tongue running across his lips, wanting him to open up. He lets you, easily.

He has thought about this moment for so long. He dreamed of these lips.

As one hand tugs on his hair, the other runs up and around. Damn, why does this feel so good? You pull away, and you gasp softly for air. His hands grab your waist and he tugs you closer, your crotch lining right up with his. This definitely had you gasping for air. His lips trail down and all over your neck. Sucking and nibbling in different areas. He kept going until he reached a certain spot that made you melt.

“Jae…” You moan softly into his ear as he marks your skin. He reacts by biting down pretty hard on your neck, but then licking the same area.

“Can I touch you?” His words were soft, and gentle. But you froze up, and you pulled away. Your body did not want to be away, but your brain wasn't ready to comprehend that. You shake your head, unable to speak because of the previous actions. You shy away, afraid that he would be upset. They always are, then it just makes everything worse. You don't know if you could be rejected by Jaehyun.

“No, no it's okay.” He grabs your hands in his.

“I haven't done anything like that Jae, and I clam up everytime someone wants too. I just don't think I'm ready yet.” You mumble looking down at your joint hands. Your heart was beating in your ear. Your nerves were going wild. One of his hands rises, and tilts your head up a little and he kisses you softly on your lips.

“We don't have to do anything you don't want to.” He smiles at you. He moves a bit, and that's when you notice that he was hard as hell. Then you notice how awkward he was standing, and must be very uncomfortable.

Now you don't mind touching him…

“Can I touch you?” You throw his words back at him. His eyes catch yours. You didn't mind doing that, in fact you really wanted to. You wanted to see his face when you made him cum. Your eyes caught him biting his bottom lip. “Is that too much?” You question him, feeling a bit uneasy under his intense stare.

“Mhm, I go at your pace.” He says deeply. You get down and grab his hand taking him up to your room. You shut your door and take a deep breath. You turn around and put a hand on his chest, wanting to push him down onto your bed. But he grabs your wrist slightly and leans forward. He kisses you softly and gently, he pulls away slowly, and looks down at you.

“You don't have to do this…” His lips graze yours. One of his hands skim over your cheeks, he looks at you with so much adoration.

“I put you through a lot lately. I want to make up for it.”

“These are enough…” His thumb plays with your bottom lip. You whine a bit, pushing yourself against him.

“Can I touch you now?” You pout, your fingers looping through his belt loop. “I don't wanna pressure you, bu-”

“Please touch me.” He captures your lips in his again. And your hands instantly start roaming everywhere. You lift his shirt up a bit, feeling the ridges on his torso. You groan against his lips. His body was hot, he was hot, everything was hot.

And too good to be true.

You pull away, and push him down onto your bed. He goes to unbutton his pants, but you stop him. You push him some more so that he is now laying down. You lift his shirt a bit, exposing his v-line and more. He leans up a bit, flexing for you. You couldn't help yourself, since he marked you up, it's only fair to do it back. You lean down and attach your lips right above his pants button. His body twitches a bit, not expecting a kiss in that exact area. Your lips send waves of pleasure through his body, and you've barely done anything.

He needed a release so badly, and the fact that you offered, he would've come in his pants right there.

All over his waistline, you leave marks. Big ones too. While doing that, you've managed to unbutton and unzip his pants. They were already pretty low on his waist, making it easy for him to push them down a bit, allowing you to grab him in your hands.

“Hmm.” He moans and you move your hand up and down a bit. He looks directly at you, you make sure you keep eye contact as you go down and give him a couple of kitten licks on the tip.

“Fuck..” He sighs, sounding out of breath. He falls back on the bed, allowing you to proceed.

If a dick could be perfect, it would be his. He was a grower, forsure. One vein running around it, the tip bright red. You wanted to make it shiny with your saliva, you always found pretty cocks to be so aesthetically pleasing.

You started going at it, taking him in as far as you could go. Which in this case, you could take him whole. He reached your max. He was perfect.

You frowned when you realized he was holding back his moans. You let up, stroking him slowly.

“Why are you holding in your moan, Jaehyun? I want to hear how good I'm making you feel.” You suck on his tip a couple times, your tongue playing around it.

“Fuck-I just...I didn't want to be too loud.” His voice laced with moans.

“Don't hold them in, it makes me upset.” You quickly go back down on him, helping him chase his high. His cries break out and the sudden intenseness. His stomach was feeling tingly.

“Look at me.” You mumble. He leans up on his elbows and he looks right at you. His face was burning red, and his hair was a mess, from his own hands going through it. He watches you as you take him all the way in. Just the sight of you alone could make him cum.

His eyes start to roll to the back of his head, his brows frown and his mouth is open wide. He tries to keep his eyes on you. But when you bring a hand up to his ball, he loses it. His hand goes up to your hair and he pushes you down a bit.

“Fuck, I'm so close, i'm so close. Please… please. I need this, I need you.” He mumbles under his breath as he starts to fuck into your mouth. His words make you moan around him, breaking him.

“Fuuuuhck.” He falls back on the bed, his body losing control a bit. You don't let up, testing his overstimulation reaction.

“Holy-holy shit.” His body spazzes a bit. “Keep going and I'll get hard again.” He warns, voice weak. But you let up, knowing your throat was going to be a bit sore. When you swallow everything in your mouth, his body swings up and he kisses you.

“That-that was amazing.”

“Mhm,” You smile and peck his lips again. You get up and go to your bathroom to quickly run some mouthwash through your mouth. You couldn't help but to wonder what's going to happen next. Was he going to leave? Did he feel awkward now? Were you even as good as he says you are? You look into the mirror, seeing red marks all over your skin. You knew those were going to be darker soon.

You go back to the room, seeing Jaehyun sitting on your bed, looking out the window. You quickly run up to him and push him back. You climb on his lap and put his arms above his head.

“Who allowed you to mark my neck up?” You shake your head down at him, trying to hold back a smile. His surprised face turned into a sly one, he bits his bottom lip and quickly flips you over, so now you were in the exact position, you were just on the bottom. Your hands above your head. With his strength, you could barely move.

“Everytime I see you, I crave you more and more. I can't help but want to just eat you.” He says smiling softly. But his eyes were dark. He leans down and kisses you softly, taking your bottom lip and sucking on it a little. A moan escaped your throat.

“So sweet.” He croaks, before diving down for more of you. You give him as much as you can. You both kiss each other with so much emotion. Showing eachother how much they want this. Saying everything that could never actually be said.

You pull away, everything is hot and tingly again.

“You have to be the strong one and pull away, please.” You capture his lips again, getting your last kiss in. How could you get so turned on from a kiss. He moans against your lips. Letting one of your hands go, he caresses your cheek, pulling away. He hops off and clears his throat. You sit up, in a state of shock. You didn't not expect this today.

“Um, I don't really feel like getting ready for the day. So wanna order some food?” You look up at him. He looks at you with a confused look on his face. “Or if you want to leave, you can do that t-”

“Let's order, I'll pay.” He smiles widely at you.

#Jung Jaehyun #jaehyun #nct #nct 127 #kpop #angst #smut #fluff #ambw

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