#jfc this took a long time to write

[foxyreacts]

I'm sorry the fucking soda joint is playing "It's Not Unusual" has me dying.

[fdrsamericanflagduckfloaty]

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i compiled angst abt TR + his sons because i. ... i got bored. and because it'll help me w/ writing angst when i have all of this in one spot.

im just posting it w/ a specific tag so i can find it when i need it kslkskd this post is also kinda long btw

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TR himself - batshit insane

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Okay so this mf has enough angst to fill. An entire. Like. Pool. But we'll start w/ the most known:

His wife & Mother dying on the same day just hours apart.

We all know how it goes but if you don't, his first wife, Alice Hathaway Lee, and his mother, Mittie Bulloch, died just hours apart on Valentine's Day, 1884.

And at the Funeral:

There's going to be... a lot more photos. The grieving is so intense I can't leave it out at all.

Doesn't this sound like an unhealthy coping mechanism? TR never really got the grip of coping healthily, but this isn't the earliest example, which I'll touch on soon.

It's beyond reasonable - and in fact correct - to assume he never entirely, fully got over Alice Lee. He never mentioned her again. Not on record, at least, and certainly not once in his autobiography. He mentioned his mother a handful of times at most. And this is where I say this part makes me feel nauseous because of how damn sad it is.

TR, as I said, never came to terms with Alice's death, and he never would. Over decades maybe he could handle a brief sorrowful thought of her, maybe a second. But I don't think anybody would be wrong in assuming he still could never truly talk of her. It sounds sad, but it's true. He never handled grief well.

I do think this is one of the periods of TR's life that you hear of but, never seeing it mentioned again, really enforces that he wanted her gone. He couldn't stand the thought of her. Which... do. Do you see the therapy that he desperately needed?

WELL if you thought this was it then you were wrong!!

His father died when he was nineteen. TR idolized his father beyond all else. He had a massive portrait of the man in his office and he always wondered what his father would do in times of strength during his presidency.

And TR admitting fear is a very, very rare thing, because you don't. Actually see it often. He'd be more likely to admit to a crime.

So for his father to die, and not being able to see him before (TR couldn't arrive in time), really, really left its mark on him. This was also around the time he had a spat with his then-close-friend, future-second-wife Edith in a small summer house. His father's death left him grieving and the argument left him. Well. Seething, for lack of a better word.

TR was actually able to acknowledge his father. That was the only difference.

But he also needed extreme help by the time Valentine's Day 1884 rolled around, and I am not alone in that thought.

I'd also like to mention that the argument I referenced above is never going to be explored beyond what is known: They argued, it was intense, and it ended any romantic prospects between them for years. Other than that? We have abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Nothing to go off of. Neither ever told anyone what they argued about. All Edith said was that Theodore 'wasn't very nice', and TR just said they both had tempers. Other than that once again? Nothing.

He also experiences even more grief later but we'll touch on that later.

TR almost lost Edith, as well, during 1898 when the Spanish-American war was ramping up to its climax of official war.

It did not get better. As you'll see, this was also when Ted was put under suffering, aswell.

*Cut because the rest is in Ted's section*

Even though it ended well, TR was likely getting flashbacks (or intense reminders) of what happened with Alice Lee just 14 years ago. And in those 14 years I'm very sure he wasn't fully done suppressing the memory. Being put under such strain twice doesn't do well on a person, nor their mental stability.

And now I'd like to mention: TR possibly having bipolar disorder.

Listen I'm not going to go in detail because I have before (probably, if not just send an ask that tumblr hopefully wont eat), but basically, traumatic experiences when he was so young, multiple injuries, almost dying countless times when he was young as he had asthma, and never truly coping, and honestly just naturally, he could have had Bipolar Disorder.

I find this theory interesting and it's very believable. He could be all over the place, smiling and ecstatic, swinging his limbs around, and then the next, quiet, gloomy. Suppressed. He never calmed down enough unless it was serious. Now, it could've just been his natural personality and behavior. But he was reckless, bold, daring, a risk-taker, and didn't ever really care about dying as much as he should have.

TR ignored his doctor basically telling him "DO NOT DO EXTREME SHIT. IT WILL HURT YOUR HEART. BADLY." and proceeded to be the goddamn president. Don't even mention climbing mountains and tough sports and putting himself under immense strain.

Hell I'd say it's worthy of a book (albeit short or not who knows), but there isn't one so far (as I know of) that focuses on that theory and goes in depth.

(But I do consider it a mild headcanon of mine for NATM purposes because I genuinely think it's something to consider, and hey, if you get memories, why wouldn't that pass over? Or I just like angst idk skkdnfgk)

Edith also suffered two miscarriages during the White House years, so the trauma of losing two unborn children must've hit pretty hard too.

i could go on even more about this sad meow meow bastard but lets move on. (Oh, the trauma I mentioned we'll touch on later, we will touch on near the end in Quentin's section.)

2. Ted // aka the one who was sort of forced to be the best

(also this mf was IMPOSSIBLE to search for. 'Ted' brought up words w/ -ted at the end and it took me so damn long to filter those results out)

This one below is in the White House. The two above are from 1898.

(the proudness is mildly concerning)

The 'nervous exhaustion' and migraines Ted ended up getting were because he was being pushed so hard at such a young age. I tried to find the book that had it (with no luck) but his mother admits that TR pushed Ted far more than the other children. Whether it was because Ted was his eldest son or his first or his namesake or all of the above I don't know, but after that pledge, TR doesn't seem as hard on Ted again in the rest of the Trilogy this lies in.

I also tried to find this next part with once again no luck. However I'll explain the best I can:

When Ted was in college, he got sick with a very violent case of pneumonia, to the point where he was put to bedrest. TR may've had a hard attitude to sickness but he came down to be by his son's bedside and the concern must have been intense. Ted's mother also came down and eventually Alice did too when she was allowed (they actually considered each other like siblings, probably some of the closest between the six with only a 3/2 year age difference). Ted did get better, but it was still worrying in the moment.

I can't find the copy (when I can I'll probably edit this post), but in another book, during WWI, Eleanor (Ted's wife, not FDR's, it's. It's confusing I know) confided in TR that Ted worried if his father was proud of him. TR was particularly surprised, but he told Eleanor that yes, of course he was proud of Ted. He called the war he fought in (Span-Am War) a bow and arrow affair compared to what Ted was fighting in -- a war with bombs and motherfucking aerophysics.

So in Ted you have the 'Heir who's really stressed' part of being a Victorian kid of someone who may or may not need lots of therapy and already have daddy issues (because he did. and i am right.)

OH!! FDR and Ted also had this weird rivalry and Ted basically disowned his ass and called him a maverick. Republican tings ykwim- FDR kept Ted's war moves from newspapers to stunt his cousin's political career (Which is a dick move), but even in the end, FDR presented the Medal of Honor to Ted's widow and admitted that TR would've been the proudest of Ted.

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3. - Kermit: really sad guy

Okay Ted was fucking impossible to search for but Kermit is not thankfully

Kermit doesn't seem to be as ... optimistic or loud as the other kids, as you can tell.

*in reference to Harvard, where all four of the boys attended. FDR was also slighted for like the rest of his life bc he wasn't allowed in a club that Ted and Kermit got into lmao i just find that funny*

Kermit was also 'easy to bruise' and 'adored' by his mother but he was still... uh. Well. In short terms, traumatized as fuck and had PTSD that goes beyond any realm I've ever fucking seen.

(I WILL be writing fic for this)

I guess you could say it's sort of depressingly similar to TR and his own brother, Elliott, who also died an alcoholic and with multiple attempts of su!c!de. Kermit is the younger brother, Ted is the older. TR was the older, Elliott was the younger. Ykwim?

Basically if Kermit the Frog is memey and funny then this Not-Frog-Man is tragically the opposite and he also. Really. Really needed therapy isn't that a running theme at this point though-

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4. Archie - mischievous. that's it

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Not much I can find on Archie in an angsty way, which I think is actually good for my heart because the Edmund Morris TR Trilogy did not do wonders for my mental stability

The most prevalent thing I can find is this:

Archie--born in 1894--would be 15, so a 15 year old struggling for dear life and terrifying the shit out of his family. Doesn't sound good huh?

But!! Besides that Archie was the only American soldier to be disabled in BOTH World Wars (The three remaining sons (Quentin died in WWI as we know this) all fought in WWII. Fighting spirits indeed) and because of the SAME injury in the SAME leg. He was quieter but still mischievous and energetic, and he got along best w/ Quentin and they rarely quarreled. I will admit, I don't see much about Archie. Quentin obviously is well-spread around, Ted is aswell, Kermit partially, Alice fucking entirely. Ethel and Archie though, I dont see much of.

ALSO!!

*these two paragraphs follow each other, they're just on separate pages. the first paragraph follows into the next, so you can read it normally without missing anything.*

I forgot that Archie basically got really, really unhealthy during the War. His arm was worryingly limp and his leg was practically fucked. Not only that but he lost his closest brother in the war, so you can imagine how he felt.

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5. Quentin - FAVORITE CHILD there i said it

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okay. you want angst? like, a lot? this one. this boy is your ticket to sad depressive trains of thought.

Quentin was also the most like his father and very much a risk taker, so if he lived long enough, he very well could have had a very successful political career (or in whatever he chose to go into.).

However, Quentin's death was a lasting pain for TR (who died less than a year later) and it's said that Quentin's death not only hastened the then-late-50's year old man, but that TR died of heartbreak over his youngest's death. More angst after the pictures teehee

'He' is TR. He could be vaguely cryptic in matters of worry and family. Remember this

He paces when his brain is going a million miles an hour. I actually forgot this small detail but I'll have to use it sometime tbh

this part just makes me sad even though its almost been a year since i reread it like 20 times (more on that in a second.)

The silent grieving and absolute devastation seems far more powerful.

Now, getting specific:

Yes, it was said, as I may've already mentioned, that the boy in TR died when Quentin was devastatingly taken out on July 14th in the summer of 1918. He'd already suffered losing his father (his idol. this is where his own daddy issues come from) and losing his first wife AND mother (who he adored, too) in less than 12 hours. so now, to lose his youngest son, his boy, his child? Oh dear.

So combine the fact TR already needed lots of therapy and this new, heartbreaking death, and you've got one HELL of an angst supply.

It's worth remembering TR really just said 'fuck it. beat the memory until it's too dead to throb' and thought of it as a coping method.

... his 'method' is what we'd now call unhealthy. He thought it was so fucking fine that he even recommended it to a friend (or his sister? I forget tbh) who was just recently widowed. He was not taught healthy coping/healing methods and it showed. Strongly.

TR also felt tremendous guilt for his sons getting hurt (and one dying) in WWI. He'd always glorified war to himself and his kids and he'd instilled in them that a man is only a man once he's fought in battle. Well, no, that's not true. But in the Oyster Bay line of Roosevelts, you either fought in battle when you got the chance or you were a coward for denying it. Hell, take this quote from before Ted was even born:

And that is JUST on college games. What about war?

Of course, even if he didn't push his sons into WWI, they were bound to go in eventually. His sons all shared his glory-seeking and they would put themselves in harm's way just to get their father's attention sometimes, as I mentioned with Ted truly wondering if--even after fighting in a damn war, getting gassed, and shot, and nearly blinded, AND suffering almost a mental breakdown before he was even a teen--his father was proud of him.

So not only was Quentin's death enough guilt, his sons all got hurt in a war he not only pushed for in general, but he pushed for them to enter as soon as they could. Afterall, if he couldn't fight in the war at 58 with horrible health, then his younger and healthier sons could.

All in all they ALL needed therapy and there is a resounding amount of angst all around the entire family circle. If you read this I am very much sorry.

(I can also probably get the PDFs I used to search for these. I had the physical copies but those were library copies so uh. Not anymore. I can't find the other two books either so some parts WOULD have been pictures instead of text descriptions, but oh well.)

P.S i swear im not insane

[epersonae]

🌻 what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

I think I have three varieties of "want to give up on writing"

The first is one that I don't worry about so much any more, which was the long drought of, oh, 2003 to 2017, where I just didn't have any kind of writing community and I was deeply unhappy for other reasons, and writing felt like something that I had had and lost. The second is a sort of "between things" feeling, which I get to a lesser extent after finishing something big, sort of that "well that's done, I don't have anything else", and which I had to a greater extent from basically the start of the pandemic until OFMD: I had written through most of my Adventure Zone concepts, and then also the pandemic, and the personal horrors, and so there's this little "but maybe you'll never write again!" voice.

and then there's just boring old imposter syndrome self-doubt, which I've been fighting like mad lately: there's something not quite right about some chunk of dialogue or a description and so maybe I'm just not a good writer, or not as good as I want to be, and I'm being too ambitious, and it's like a little temper tantrum that I have to let pass.

because it does, it passes.

and like, I've been writing since I was 9 or 10 years old, and getting it back when I got into fanfiction (six years ago next week, I think!) has been such an overwhelmingly positive experience -- I don't want to let that go. the experience of writing, and having a community of writing, is something that I cherish so much. that's what keeps me going.

that I know what it feels like to do what I set out to do with a piece, to enjoy the experience of being in flow with a story, to play in the space with other people, to grow creatively, to get good feedback, to look back on what I've done and feel pleased with it.

that keeps me going.

[fic writer asks]

[cajolions]

I just finished reading Another Country. If you even care

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Non!Idol College AUKim Seungmin x F!Reader TW : angst ; tsundere Seungmin ; reader injury but not super serious ; lots of use of the word fuck ; slightly suggestive if you squint ; mentions of drinking but reader doesn't ; fluff at the end though ; Word Count : 8.4k A/N : You all picked Seungmin and Seungmin you shall receive! I don't even know how long this will take to finish writing to post, I'm currently setting up this part on May 4th, so... works got me fucked up a bit. I finally finished it on May 27th jfc. I'm so sorry for making everyone wait! I hope you enjoy this Anonny! Request : Anonny : Could you do one with Felix or seungmin, you’re their best friend and you both have feelings for each other. Felix or seungmin finds out about it and goes out with girls to try and make you jealous but instead you end up distancing yourself from him because you can’t bear to look at him with other girls, he notices and comes to you and you guys make up and kisses and fluff pls 😊

“Bestie boo boo!!” You called out, running over to Seungmin and wrapping your arms around him from behind. You could tell it was him just from the back of his head, that’s how close the two of you were. It had been that way since middle school when your parents moved and you got transferred to his school. He was your first friend, your only friend for the longest time. 

“Hate it when you call me that…” He mumbled, but you could feel his chest vibrating with silent laughter. What you couldn’t see was the deep red blush that covered his cheeks and the shy smile that tugged at his cheeks. For the longest time you looked at him as just a friend, the two of you had even dated other people through high school, consoling each other after breakups, being each other’s wingmen, the stupid shit that best friends do for each other in high school. Now that you were in college though, you couldn’t help but really see him, see him as more than a friend… The only problem was that he didn’t see you as anything more. 

You lightly slapped him on the back, an overly dramatic scowl on your face, waiting for him to turn around. “Yah! Look at me…” He slowly turned around and you made sure to change the scowl to a pout when he finally looked at you. Neither of you could keep up the act long though, it took less than 4 seconds for both of you to laugh. “Seriously though, you’re bestie boo boo, it isn’t changing.” 

He rolled his eyes before grabbing the strap of your backpack and pulling you closer. To say your heart almost jumped out of your chest was an understatement, all the years of watching k-dramas… was this your moment? “You annoy me. Why are we friends again?” He muttered, throwing his arm over your shoulder and practically dragging you along next to him as he walked. Your silence had him stopping and looking at you though, his eyebrow arched, a flash of worry glinting in his eyes. “I’m joking… That was a joke. I know that you’d be helpless without me.” 

Your lips popped as your mouth fell open, the smug look on his face both aggravating and extremely attractive at the same time. “I am not helpless. I don’t even need you.” That was a lie, you needed him in more ways than what he was thinking, but you kept those thoughts to yourself as you moved out from under his arm and walked ahead of him. Your pride was short-lived as you stepped on a rock, your ankle twisting in the process and a tiny yelp leaving your mouth. 

Seungmin had run over to you immediately, dropping his bag beside him so he could grab onto you, his hands firmly gripping your waist to hold you steady, and even though your ankle was sore, the electric feeling that coursed through you from his touch overpowered the pain completely. “You walk away for… what was that? 5 seconds? Maybe 6?” He sighed softly, shaking his head as he looked you over, and he must have taken the flustered look on your face as one of pain because he quickly grabbed his bag with one hand, his other arm staying around your waist as he slowly walked with you. “Is your ankle okay? I can carry you. Do you think you can make it to the nurse?” 

“I don’t even need to go to the nurse…” You muttered, trying to upkeep your i’m totally fine act, all while also trying to keep your heart beating at a steady pace with his arm still wrapped around you. “You’ll just mock me the whole time anyway… I mean, who trips over a rock… so stupid.” You continued to mumble. 

His tongue clicked against the roof of his mouth and you were ready for him to start firing off the jokes that you’d most likely hear for the next month or so, but he let out a soft sigh. “I’m not going to make fun of you for getting hurt, I’m not a complete asshole.” You huffed loudly out of your nose, and little did you know, he thought every little thing that you did was absolutely adorable, he just didn’t know how to tell you. “I’m taking you to the nurse no matter what, so if you want me to carry you, I will.” 

Oh to be carried by him, to be held in his arms… or maybe being piggybacked across campus, your arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding onto him so tightly… “No, I’m fine. It was just a little twist, they’ll probably laugh at me for coming in with something so small. It probably isn’t even anything.” He hummed softly, his arm moving away from your waist and you felt pathetic for noticing the lack of warmth immediately. The electricity that you had felt coursing through your veins was suddenly gone and it was strangely sad for you. 

The lack of his support also meant that your weight was now completely on your ankle and you could feel just how badly you had twisted it. You winced at the pain that shot through your whole leg, and you either weren’t good at hiding it, or Seungmin was just really good at picking up on everything. Whatever it was, he quickly stepped in front of you, squatting down and hitching his arms around your knees to lift you onto his back. “You’re so stubborn.” He grumbled, and it’s like the added weight of you being on his back didn’t faze him at all. In fact, he started walking faster towards the medical building, a man on a mission, and being so close had the butterflies in your stomach going absolutely crazy. 

“Try not to walk on it.” The nurse said as she finished wrapping your ankle that had swollen to twice its size by the time you got to the building. “Go straight home and prop it up on a couple pillows, put some ice on it to take some of the swelling down. Use the crutches. If it hurts, take some ibuprofen and that should help with the pain.” You nodded along to everything she was saying, but you weren’t exactly listening, focusing more on the way Seungmin was staring at you intently, and you didn’t know if the expression on his face was one of disappointment or annoyance. 

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t walk on it and that she keeps it propped up. Thank you.” He spoke for you, bowing his head as he got up from the chair that was on the opposite side of the room. Grabbing your crutches, he walked over to you and helped you up off the bed, the paper underneath you crinkling loudly with every movement. “Do you need me to carry you again?” He asked, and you rolled your eyes, taking the crutches from him and situating them under your arms before doing your best to keep your balance and move forward at the same time, which was quite difficult. 

“You can go to class, I’ll be fine.” You said, and while you’d love to get ahead of him, it was too easy for him to keep up with your little hops. “Seriously… This is so humiliating, I just want to be alone. Stupid fucking rock.” He sighed softly beside you, but he didn’t leave your side, always at the ready, his arms shooting out instinctively to catch you when you looked like you were wobbling a little bit. “Seungmin…” 

“What kind of best friend would I be if I let you walk home by yourself on crutches?” He quizzed, but it was a hypothetical question that you both already knew the answer to. “I’ll make you some ramen too so that you don’t have to get up. I want you to keep your leg up, like the nurse said.” He continued, it felt like he was scolding you. “I’ll go to your classes and get copies of the lectures that you missed today so you won’t be behind.” 

“Thanks dad.” You pouted, but kept staring at the ground, not just because you were sulking, but because you couldn’t seem to walk straight with the crutches if you weren’t watching your feet at the same time. You weren’t even sure how long you were going to need them for, but within the first 20 minutes, that’s all it took for you to dread them for a lifetime. Your underarms hurt and strangely enough, having “3” legs to walk on was more of a hindrance than anything. 

“I can come over after my classes. We can watch a movie? I’ll keep you company while you’re healing since you can’t really do anything else.” Watching a movie with Seungmin… just the two of you… maybe it would turn into cuddling… maybe he’d kiss you… You could fall asleep on his lap while he runs his fingers through your hair. It would be a dream come true, it would be the perfect evening. “I’ll even bring snacks. I’ll buy your favorites.” It’s like he was trying to bribe you to say yes, not that he needed to. 

“Sure… Yeah. As long as I can pick the movie.” You looked up at him with a pursed lip smile, the lack of attention on your feet had you stumbling a bit, and he quickly caught you again. He didn’t even have to look at you to know you were wobbling either, he just reached out to steady you before dropping his arms back to his sides. “This sucks…” 

///

“Don’t you have baseball practice?” You asked tiredly as you leaned against his shoulder, curled up under a blanket on your couch, the movie playing on the television was just background noise at this point. “I don’t want the rest of the team to get mad… You’re their best player.” That wasn’t even you trying to hype him up either, he truly was the best player on the team. That’s why it was so hard for you to believe that he wanted to spend most of his free time with you. He was the all star player, every girl on campus had their eyes set on him, yet he made it seem like he only wanted to be around you. It just didn’t make any sense, and you wondered if maybe he was doing it out of pity considering you were less popular, well, you weren’t really popular at all. 

You always caught the glares that the girls would send your way when you walked by with Seungmin by your side, and if you listened hard enough, you could almost hear them shit talking you, as if you were in some way forcing Seungmin to hang out with you. “Eh, they can handle one practice without me.” He said nonchalantly, stretching his arms above his head before getting up off the couch. “You hungry yet?” He didn’t even wait for your answer before walking to the kitchen and raiding your cabinets, pulling out two ramen bowls. “What are you gonna do when I go back to my dorm?” He asked, as if trying to make small talk while waiting for the water to boil in the pot on the stove. 

“Probably gonna run a marathon, do my laundry, use the stairs in the building for the first time since I’ve lived here. Ya know, goof around a bit.” You teased, but when you turned to look at him, you could tell he was less than impressed at your answer and he didn’t find it as funny as you did. “Jeez, you’re such a sour puss sometimes. Obviously I’m going to listen to the nurse and keep my leg propped up. I’ll just be here, all bored, probably starve while I watch YouTube videos on my phone.” It was like you couldn't give up the chance to be a smartass, and Seungmin knew that, so he just rolled his eyes as he turned his attention back to the water that was bubbling on the surface now. 

“Don’t you have any friends that can spend the night or something to help you out?” He questioned, and you weren’t sure why, but the way he said it made it seem like he didn’t really want to be there. Maybe you were just reading into things, you did have the tendency to do that, but you thought that maybe he would offer to stay to help you. Not just that, but you were sure that he knew well enough that you didn’t really have any friends, not ones that would willingly give up their nights to help you. 

You don’t know why you were so upset honestly, but your bottom lip trembled as you looked around your living room, trying to look at anything but him. “Just forget about it. You can go.” You said softly, hoping that he’d hear you and he’d just leave without another word. The oven clicked off and you heard soft footsteps carrying him from the kitchen into the living room where you were sitting, your breath held, but then he came into your view, his eyebrows creased with worry as he looked at you. If you weren’t so upset, you’d laugh at him, but you turned away from him instead. “Seriously, you can leave. I can do this on my own.” 

His eyes closed, a loud sigh blowing through parted lips, hot breath hitting the side of your face as you continued to avoid looking at him. “What’s wrong? Look at me…” His voice was below a whisper, although it was tinged with annoyance rather than the worry that masked his features. “I’m making you something to eat, what more do you want me to do? I’m trying to help you and you’re trying to kick me out. I don’t know what else you want from me.” It was evident that he was getting more and more irritated the more he spoke, and the fact that you still hadn’t looked at him was only upsetting him more. “Fine… Do it on your own.” He muttered, standing up straight and turning on his heel to head out the door. 

Sure, simply explaining to him why you were upset probably would have been better, but you were too upset to talk to him about it. It’s not like he was unaware of why you would be upset at the comment he made. He knew damn well that you felt less than adequate being his friend when he was so popular and he was quite literally the only friend you had. He always tried to invite you out to hang out with his friends and their girlfriends, but you knew they didn’t actually like you, they simply tolerated you because for some reason, Seungmin liked having you around. To them, it didn’t matter that the two of you had been friends for so long. He was popular now, he was lusted after by every girl on campus, he was a star… and you were a nobody. He might have a bunch of friends that would help him if he were to get hurt the way you did… but you had nobody, nobody but him. 

Kicking him out didn’t seem to prove any kind of point though, it only made you feel lonelier. You had absolutely no one now to help you, and while you knew that Seungmin was only a text away, you were sure that after the way you treated him he wouldn’t feel as inclined to come over and help you. You were truly on your own, and you didn’t know how you’d do anything without his help. You were adamant though, you didn’t need him, you didn’t need anyone. You were sure that he had better things to do anyway. You weren’t going to burden him. It seemed like he didn’t want to stay around and help you, not when he was asking if you had other friends that would be able to do it… Maybe he was trying to get rid of you. 

///

“Thought you were going to be over Y/N’s all evening?” Felix asked as soon as Seungmin walked through the front door. Felix wasn’t exactly popular either, not in regards to being a jock, he was more into computer games that occupied most of his time. Both guys were sure that if they hadn’t been paired up as roommates, they wouldn’t even know of the other's existence. Yet, since becoming roommates almost two years ago, they had gotten just as close as Seungmin and you were. “How’s she feeling by the way? Is she okay?” 

Felix was the only one that had been told of your accident earlier in the day. He was the only one that Seungmin thought would care. He knew that his baseball friends weren’t all too interested in you, and if it were up to them, you wouldn’t be hogging all of Seungmins time in the first place. “I don’t know, man. She got really upset and kicked me out… I thought I’d be able to tell her today.” Seungmin dropped down into the empty seat at the table that Felix was sitting at, running his hands over his face before dropping them down onto the table with a heavy thud. “Maybe she just doesn’t like me…” 

Now if there was one thing that Felix knew, it was about Seungmins crush for you. It wasn’t even a crush anymore, it was more than that. Seungmin was head over heels in love with you, and Felix heard about it every single day. He had only found out about it when Seungmin had invited you over to his place for a bit, the first and last time it ever happened, and Felix had been there. Once you left, Felix had told Seungmin that he thinks that you’re really pretty. It almost turned into a full blown argument as Seungmin shouted about how Felix couldn’t have you and that you were his. That’s when it had all been laid out on the table, and that was about five months ago. Felix thought that Seungmin would have told you by now, but apparently he hadn’t. He couldn’t understand why though, it’s not like you didn’t like Seungmin back. That was painfully obvious… Did Seungmin not even notice? “You’re blind… Aren’t you?” Felix commented, and Seungmin lifted his head, staring at Felix incredulously. “She likes you… Even I can see that. I don’t know why you won’t just tell her, it’ll probably make the both of you feel better to just get it all out.” 

“Dude, she doesn’t like me. If she did, she wouldn’t have kicked me out.” Seungmin retorted, and Felix felt like he was talking to a brick wall. How could Seungmin be so clueless? “I was literally in the middle of making food for the both of us! It’s like she got mad or something and just told me to leave. I asked her if she had any other friends to help her when I wasn’t there… Maybe she had her boyfriend coming over and what I said reminded her and she needed me to leave before he got there… She never told me about a boyfriend though. I feel like I would know about something like that… She would have told me…” Felix was absolutely dumbfounded by how stupid Seungmin sounded right now. Even Felix was able to figure it out immediately after knowing what Seungmin had said, but for some reason, he was just unable to put it all together. 

“Dude… She likes you… Just tell her!” Felix said, trying his best to not get annoyed with Seungmins lack of critical thinking. But Seungmin shook his head, pushing away from the table, eliciting a loud groan from Felix whose head fell back to stare up at the ceiling in complete disbelief. “How long are you going to drag this out, man? The longer you wait, the lower your chances are. If she thinks you don’t like her, she might just move on. Think about that for a bit.” 

And he did, Seungmin did think about it. He thought about it a lot. The thought was raising hell in his brain no matter where he was or what he was doing. He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t focus in class, he couldn’t even focus during practice. His mind was preoccupied with thoughts of you potentially being with someone else, and that pissed him off. You couldn’t be with anyone. You were his. 

That’s why he started looking up what to do online, which probably seemed stupid to anyone else, but he couldn’t just outright tell you that he was in love with you. He wouldn’t be able to handle the rejection if you didn’t like him back. He couldn’t take Felixs word for it because, even though Felix was his friend, he was also the type of guy that thought that a girl simply smiling and waving at him meant that she liked him… Which was crazy. 

In the end, he found a lot of ideas, but only one seemed like it would actually work. It was also easier to pull off than any of the other ideas he came across online. This one would be foolproof. If you didn’t react, it meant that you didn’t like him and he would finally be able to move on, although he wasn’t sure how long it would take for him to do that. If you did react though, he would know that you did like him, and he would finally be able to tell you. He hoped that it worked, it seemed like it would… He just really wanted it to work out in a way where you would truly be his in the end. 

///

It had been two weeks since you kicked Seungmin out, and while you hadn’t completely ghosted him, your replies to his texts were rather short. You were still upset, and your mind was racing with the thought that he was slowly but surely trying to ease you out of his life. There were so many girls that wanted him, having you around was probably ruining his game with all of them, and, while you weren’t clingy to him by any means, the two of you were always around each other, and you were sure that made it hard for him to get with anyone else. 

Still, his birthday was coming up soon, and you were finally fully healed from your little accident two weeks ago (you cared for yourself the entire time, even when Seungmin asked if you needed help), and you were sure that he’d have another party like he had every year before. You wondered if you were still invited though, and while you didn’t want to be the first person to text him, you thought that maybe sending him a quick Happy Birthday message would open the door for him to tell you, or at least ask you to come to the party. 

“Hey… Happy Birthday, Min.” You quickly sent it, and like any other time you texted him first, your stomach would twist up in knots as you awaited his reply. Love was crazy in the way that it made people feel. It was like that feeling alone took control of all your other emotions and made them come out at times when they weren’t necessary, and it made them come out too strong… Which is why you kicked Seungmin out in the first place. You loved him so much that you were scared of him not loving you back so you tried to get rid of him completely. It was so stupid. 

“Hey! Thanks! You still coming to my party tonight, right?” Did he actually want you to come or was he just asking to be sure that you weren’t? Dammit… He always made you feel so conflicted. Maybe if you just told him that you liked him, you could just get it over with, get the final answer and whatever comes next… Well, that’s up to fate. Maybe… Maybe you could tell him tonight… At the party. If he said no, you would just leave, run home and cry under your blanket and avoid him for the rest of your college years. It wouldn’t ruin his party, he had so many friends, they’d probably all get together and laugh at you anyway. You just needed to get it off your chest once and for all. You couldn’t keep hiding your feelings, you couldn’t keep going about your days like you were okay with just being friends… You needed to let him know. 

“Yeah! Yeah, I’ll be there!” You texted back, and you already felt your heart speeding up at the thought of standing in front of him and telling him. The sweat was beading up on your forehead and your hands felt clammy. You didn’t even know what you were going to say, but you knew that trying to follow a script would only make you more nervous and you’d get tongue tied and end up rambling. The words would come effortlessly once you stood in front of him, the way they would fill your brain whenever you were around him, just waiting to be unleashed upon the man that you had loved for longer than you could remember. It would happen tonight… You’d tell him everything, you’d tell him how wonderful you thought he was, how funny he is, how he makes your day better just by smiling in your direction. You’d tell him that he’s the only person you’ve been able to ever think about or see yourself with, that you’ve always liked him, that you’ll always love him no matter what. He needed to know… And you needed your answer. 

The outfit you had chosen for the night was dressier than what you’d wear to any of the other parties… If you had ever been invited to any other parties… And it was surely much dressier than what you usually wore. A floral dress that sat just at the middle of your thighs, the color accenting your skin tone and framing your figure in all the right areas. It was the last thing you put on after doing your hair and your makeup, because honestly, you knew that if you looked at yourself in the mirror you’d get even more nervous and decide not to go at all. 

You wanted to catch his eye though, you wanted him to know that you could be just as pretty as the other girls that chased him around campus… You were worthy of his attention, and maybe even his love if he wanted to give it to you. It was hard not to feel anxious though, as much as you tried not to be. You were worried that you’d end up sweating off your makeup which you had spent much longer on than usual because you wanted to look perfect for him. It wasn’t too late to back out, just change your clothes and walk into the party in the regular clothes that you always wore when you went to his birthday parties… But this one was important… This one was the difference between spending the rest of your life pining over your best friend or finally being able to be his. 

The music from the bar could be heard from outside the front doors, and you knew that it was most likely packed inside with all of his friends from baseball, and most likely all the girls on campus that were trying to hook up with him. You didn’t want to be surrounded by them, and you weren’t quite sure how you’d get him alone for even a second to tell him what you wanted to, but you were there and you were hellbent on telling him tonight, so you took a deep breath and walked into the bar, trying not to make eye contact with the people who seemed to stop and stare at you with wide eyes. 

It wasn’t hard to find Seungmin, he was in the center of the room, a beer in one hand and his phone in his other hand as he chatted with some guys that you remember seeing on the field when you went and watched him play. He was preoccupied, and it was only the beginning of the party… You didn’t have to tell him right now… You could at least enjoy yourself for a little bit before potentially breaking your own heart. 

“Hey! Glad you’re here!” The voice came from behind you, and when you turned around you saw Felix, a wide smile raising his freckled cheeks and creasing his eyes. “You look good by the way! Have you gotten a drink yet?” He had to shout above the music, and while you had heard his last question, you were too focused on the compliment he had given you right before. It sent a wave of heat rushing through you as you became more aware of his eyes that were looking you over. It didn’t seem disrespectful, but no one had ever looked at you that way, it had you just a little bit flustered. 

“Uhm… No… No, I just got here…” You stammered, and he nodded, placing his hand on the small of your back to lead you through the crowd towards the bar, standing quite close to you as if you’d get lost in the mass of people if he wasn’t practically connected to your hip. “I’ll just have a water for now… Thank you…” You told the bartender, and sure, it might seem a little lame to order water at a bar, but you didn’t want to be drunk when talking to Seungmin, he might not take you seriously. 

“Staying sober tonight, huh?” Felix joked, and you let out a small giggle as you shook your head. That wasn’t the plan entirely, but you didn’t want to start off your night with shots or anything either. Plus, you had walked for a good bit to get to the bar, and the last thing you wanted to do was rehydrate with alcohol. “Have you gotten to see Seungmin yet? I know it’s probably hard to get to him, he’s been being pulled in all different directions by a bunch of different people.” 

You hummed softly, it would be harder to get to him than you thought, but you were adamant now. You’d have him to yourself, even if it was just long enough to tell him that you loved him. “It’s okay… I’m sure he’ll come find me when he has the chance to.” You said, just loud enough for Felix to hear you. “You wanna go grab a table? I walked all the way here and my legs are kind of tired…” You offered, and he quickly nodded, his hand once again finding the small of your back as he led you to one of the empty tables, a little further from all the noise. 

“It’s so loud in here… I don’t know why he chose to have his party at a bar of all places…” Felix said, finally able to lower his voice just a little bit. You knew exactly why though, and you were sure that his new group of friends had some kind of say in it. Seungmin would probably be beyond drunk by the end of the night, and that had you more than slightly worried. 

“Hey! You finally made it!” Seungmins voice boomed over the noise, and your head instinctively whipped up to the sound of it. He froze for a split second when he looked at you, but his adams apple bobbed as he cleared his throat, running a hand through his already sweat-dampened hair as he chuckled. “I’m gonna go dance, you both gonna come out?” He asked, and while you knew Seungmin was a wonderful dancer in private, you had never expected him to dance in public, especially around all of his friends. 

“Sure…” You said, feeling a little shy. Maybe he wanted to dance with you? It’s not like you hadn’t been close to him before, he gave you piggyback rides often, but the music that was playing right now was surely not something that you’d dance to in any other way than sultry… Maybe even a little seductively. 

You could feel the heat rising to your cheeks as you slowly got up out of your seat, trying not to lose Seungmin in the crowd as you followed behind him. The heat quickly dissipated when you saw his hands grab the waist of another girl, pulling her against him, their bodies swaying to the rhythm of the music. Nauseous was the only way to describe the way you were feeling. It was like you couldn’t breathe and the walls were closing in on you. You wanted to cry and your entire plan shattered right in front of you as you watched the man you were in love with move so sensually, so provocatively with another woman. 

“Y/N…” Felixs voice came from behind you once again, clearly seeing the same thing you were, and you simply shook your head, turning around and rushing to the exit, hoping that some fresh air would at least help you breathe, and being away from everyone on campus who already thought you weren’t good enough to be with Seungmin allowed you to finally let out the tears that you had been holding in. “Wait! Y/N!” Felix called out, breathless from racing after you, his arms wrapping around your waist to keep you from running off again. “It’s okay… It’s okay…” He repeated, but it’s like the sentiment had the opposite effect on you, and you let out a sob, turning around resting your forehead against Felixs shoulder as you continued to cry. 

“How do I stop loving someone, Felix?” You whimpered, and you heard him sigh, the sound almost as sad as you were. “He’s too good for me… I shouldn’t have ever loved him… I’m so stupid, Felix. I was… I was gonna tell him tonight… I’m so fucking stupid.” One arm wrapped tightly around your waist as his other hand pet over your hair, quiet shushes attempting to console you. Did Seungmin even know that he had just broken your heart? Would he even care if he did know? You were just friends, it was foolish to fall in love with him, now you were fully aware of that. His friends would never accept you, and although he had never striked you as the type, maybe his popularity with his friends meant more to him than his almost lifelong friendship with you. 

“It’s gonna be okay…” Felix once again said, his hands moving to cup your cheeks, a soft, sympathetic smile gracing his angelic features as he wiped away the tears that fell from your eyes. “We don’t have to stay here… I can walk you back to your place or… we can go grab something to eat? You look so beautiful, I wouldn’t want your outfit to go to waste.” He was trying, and you respected that, you appreciated it, but there was no way that you’d be able to keep your mind off of what you just witnessed long enough to pretend you were okay in a restaurant. 

“I just want to go home…” You mumbled, and Felix nodded as he started walking beside you. He didn’t ask any other questions, he didn’t say anything else. He was a great friend, and whoever was lucky enough to be with him… You knew he’d make them feel loved and supported no matter what. He was a wonderful person, he truly was an angel. “Thank you, Felix… Really…” 

///

“What the fuck!?” Seungmin was seething as he paced back and forth across the floor, his hands shaking as he ran them through his hair. “Why would you take her home!? You fucked up my whole fucking plan!” Seungmin continued to shout at Felix who sat on the couch, just as pissed off as Seungmin but for an entirely different reason. “I thought we were buds!” His palms slammed down against the kitchen counter, his forehead pressed against the cabinets as he tried- and failed -to calm himself down. 

“Oh fuck no! Don’t pull that shit with me!” Felix threw it right back at Seungmin, his own voice booming, the deepness of it sending vibrations through the air. “You tell me you love her and that you want to be with her, and then you pull some shit like that! This isn’t my fault! If you would have listened to me in the first fucking place and just told her how you felt, everything would be fine!” Felix was breathing heavily as he defended not only himself, but you as well, even if you weren’t there to hear it. “She was going to tell you that she loved you, but instead, she got to witness you attempting your stupid fucking plan! And guess what! It didn’t work! She’s devastated!” 

Seungmins head lifted from the cabinets, his face peeking around the corner as he looked at Felix. “She loves me? She told you that?” He whispered, just needing to be sure that Felix was being 100% honest right now, because if he was… well… he had just made the biggest mistake ever and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to fix it. Felixs eyes rolled as he nodded his head, although the movement was quite snarky, but he had a reason to act that way. Felix had told him from the beginning that you liked him, but Seungmin didn’t want to listen, he wanted to find out in his own way… Everything was backfiring. “What do I do? I… She probably doesn’t want to see me… She’s probably so upset… Fuck!” 

Felix shook his head, lounging back on the couch as he let out a humorless chuckle. “I ain’t helping you anymore. I already tried, and you went and did your own fucking thing. Figure it out yourself now.” The response definitely had Seungmin fuming again, but he didn’t have time to hash things out with Felix for another hour. He needed to check on you, which was easier said than done. You probably wouldn’t even open the door for him, and he wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, but he really wanted to apologize and tell you that he loves you, even if you might not feel the same way anymore. 

~

It had been three hours since Felix had walked you home and made sure you got in your house alright. He had given you a hug and waited out in the hallway, making sure to watch that you not only closed the door, but that he also heard it lock before he walked away. In those three hours, the only things you had managed to do were change out of the uncomfortable outfit that you had chosen for the stupid party, clean your face, and then go right back to crying as you curled up on your couch. 

Your phone vibrated on the arm of the sofa, and you were pretty sure that it would be Seungmin, and for the first time, you were hoping that it wasn’t. You didn’t have anything to say to him, you didn’t even know what you’d say to him. You were still devastated, and you didn’t want to talk to him at all. When you lifted your phone, it was a relief to see that it was Felix, but the relief was short-lived when you read what he had sent you. 

“Seungmin is on his way over to your place. Look… He’s like, madly in love with you, it’s almost disgusting. You’re all he talks about, and he didn’t know that you liked him back, so he was trying to test it and make you jealous by dancing with another girl… Don’t worry, I called him out on his bullshit. BUT! I think it would be so funny to flip the tables and pull some shit on him too… I don’t know… But if you don’t want to see him or if you’re still upset, you can always text me, alright. I just wanted to let you know.” 

Seungmin did that… To make you jealous… Because he was… In love with you? It made absolutely 0 sense in your mind, but the brain of a hormonal college man worked far differently than yours did. But to flip the tables on him, you would have never thought of doing something like that… not if Felix hadn’t put the idea in your head. You would have been so hung up on the fact that Seungmin did in fact love you, that you would have let everything else slide and gone running into his arms. You knew exactly what you were going to do though, and you were going to love every second of doing it. “Thanks Lix! I’ll let you know how it goes!” You quickly texted back before relaxing on the couch, mentally preparing for when Seungmin came to your door. 

~

Just slightly faster than sprinting, that’s how fast Seungmin was running. Along with nighttime came a slightly chillier air that burned his lungs whenever he took a deep breath, but the lights illuminating the windows on your building were like a beacon calling to him, pushing him to keep going just a couple minutes more, and then he’d finally be there. 

It was almost 2 in the morning now, and he wondered if you’d even still be awake. Had you cried yourself to sleep? He was the cause of it if you had, and his heart broke at the image in his mind, you curled up in your bed, the covers tucked under your chin as tears streamed down your face and soaked your pillow. He would never forgive himself for hurting you, especially when he could have gone the simpler route and just listened to Felix. He would have already had you if he had done that. He felt stupid, so damn stupid. 

Bursting through the lobby door, he went straight to the elevator, his pointer finger slamming against the call button, already impatient after only 5 seconds of waiting. Why did you have to live on such a high floor? Just as he was about to turn around and take the stairs, the bell rang out and he rushed into the little box, his finger once again repeatedly pressing against the button to close the doors and then the number of your floor. The elevator was moving at turtle speed and it felt like this was all being done on purpose, just to make him wait longer to see you. 

When the doors finally opened, he ran to yours, his hands coming down hard against the wood. Other tenants on the floor rushed out of their rooms, eyes wide, the urgent sound of his knocking made it seem like there was an emergency, and to him, there was. He felt like he was about to lose the love of his life, but to other people, he was just a madman, and honestly, a nuisance. 

Your door flew open and he was met with the most beautiful, heart stopping scowl. He had wanted to kiss you many times before, but now he wanted to kiss you way more. “Christ, Seungmin. What do you want?” You hissed, your own head looking around your door frame and shooting an apologetic look to your neighbors before your eyes were back on him, your glare so cold it sent chills down his spine. 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I did that, and I’m sorry I upset you. I thought… I don’t know, that it would make you jealous and maybe you’d argue with me and I’d just, I’d just kiss you and tell you that I loved you and we’d laugh about it later. I didn’t think it would hurt you, I didn’t think it would make you cry, and I’m really… really sorry.” The words were spewed out so fast, it only took him about 25 seconds to go from the first word to the last. It took him just as long to catch his breath after saying so much without even a breath in between. 

“It’s whatever, Seungmin. I don’t even care… I mean… Your stupidity really opened my eyes and showed me that there’s someone out there who wouldn’t hurt me like that to try to show me they love me.” Someone else… There was someone else? He blinked a few times, and even though it was clicking, he didn’t want it to make sense, but he knew that the only other person that you had talked to tonight was Felix. But you couldn’t be talking about Felix… right? There’s no way in hell that he’d let something like that happen. “You can go now…” 

“No, you’re not kicking me out again!” He screeched, realizing that he was still standing outside of your apartment and then pushing his way in, closing the door behind him. “Call me stupid, hate me, ignore me… Do whatever you have to… Just… Don’t go to someone else. Please. I love you, I’ve always loved you. Your cringy little nicknames that you give me and all your little quirks and habits. I love all of that. I love the way you always sit front row at my games and hold up the little signs that you made yourself and cheer for me… Even when I’m sitting on the bench. You’re beautiful, and I’ve never felt so fucking idiotic in my life… I don’t want you to be with anyone else… Who is it? I’ll kick his ass for taking you from me.” 

Your head shook as you crossed your arms over your chest, your eyes closing as you let out a slow sigh. “Why does it matter who it is? He didn’t take me from you anyway, you were too busy trying to make me jealous and grinding up on some other girl to even notice that he was with me almost all night.” You retorted, and Seungmin saw red, his fists clenching at his sides. It was Felix. His nostrils flared as he turned on his heel without another word, ready to go right back to his place and beat the shit out of Felix… That is, until he heard you laughing. He paused, his hand on the doorknob, turning his head to look over his shoulder at you. 

“What? What’s funny? You think this is funny?!” It was a mixture of anger, jealousy and sadness that had his voice rising in pitch and volume as he stared at you, but your laughter only got louder as your head fell back, and then you slowly walked over to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from the door. “Seriously, Y/N. I know it’s Felix. I’m gonna… Fuck! This isn’t funny! He knows how I feel about you… I can’t believe he’d do some shit like this… I’m fucking-” Before he could finish his sentence, your lips were on his, and he was shocked to say the least. 

When you pulled back, it was like his head was spinning, but in a good way. His cheeks were burning and he knew that you could probably see the blush forming under his skin. “Looks like you’re the one that gets easily jealous… It’s cute… You get so angry, like a bear or somethin’... Gonna start calling you boo boo bear now.” You were teasing him… But that meant it was all a joke… You didn’t like Felix… You still liked him. 

He let out a little growl, playful as he gripped onto your hips and backed you up against the nearest wall, your eyes sparkling in the light that hung on the ceiling as you looked up at him, your cheeks pulling up in a cheeky smile. “You’re a smartass… You’re lucky I love you, ya know that? Now tell me you love me too, come on. I came all the way over here, was pranked viciously by the girl I love… I deserve to be told that I’m loved.” He pouted at you, a look that he reserved solely for you, but you gave him a quick peck before wiggling out of his hold and running to the other side of the room, your giggling contagious as he chased after you. “Just tell me you love me! Come on!” 

“You have to catch me first!” You squealed, dodging him every time he got close to you, but he knew that you’d run out of breath soon, and he was just waiting for his chance to pounce. He continued to chase you though, loving the sound of your fits of laughter in between heavy breaths. Then your movement got slower, and you dropped down onto the couch, your hands held up in front of you. “Time out real quick!” You were breathless, strands of hair clinging to your sweat beaded forehead, but he didn’t follow your rules, and he pounced on you, pinning you down onto the couch, hovering just a few inches above you. 

Silence hung in the air, the only sound was that of his racing heart in his own ears and your panting from beneath him. It had his mind wandering, but he needed to stay focused, he needed to hear you say it. “I won…” He could barely get his voice above a whisper, his throat dry from exerting so much energy. “Do I get my reward now?” 

Your hands moved up to brush the hair out of his face, lifting yourself up just slightly to press a kiss to his lips, it had more meaning behind it though, it was deeper, it lasted longer, and he melted into it, his own lips moving against yours in perfect synch. Once your head fell back against the pillows, you looked almost drunk, your eyes slightly hazy, your pupils dilated as you looked up at him. “I love you, Seungmin… So much…” You murmured, and at those words he finally let himself collapse, his head resting against your chest, listening to the thrum of your heartbeat as your fingers pet through his hair. “Now you’re my boyfriend boo boo, right?” 

“Mmhm… and you’re my girlfriend… g-... my girlfriend goo goo? No? Give me some time. Either way, you’re mine.” 

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[ooffmlsorry]

OP Men Dating a "Girly Girl"

A/N: sorry this took so long and I haven't posted anything original in a minute my life is mess and I'm so very tired jfc...I know this isn't more than my usual group but I was just gonna stop at Luffy and then decided to add Ace and Sabo as a thank you because writing these and putting them on Tumblr has been really good for me, so thank you for always being here to indulge me 🥲 ❤️

Sanji, Zoro, Law, Luffy, Ace, Sabo

Sanji

Let's be honest, girly-girls drive Sanji craaaazzzzyy (not that all women don't, but he's definitely more partial to the feminine ones) Your make-up, pretty skirts and dresses, jewelry, and manicure, he can't help fawn over you constantly 😍Although you do it because you enjoy it, it's nice that your efforts are so appreciated!!

He spoils you soooo baaaddd!! He literally can't help himself when he sees something pretty or cute that reminds him of you, he has to get it for you. You're drowning in squishmallows at this point.

A river of blood shoots from him every time you show off a new outfit. You're going to kill him and he'll thank you for it.

Dressing up in nice outfits together, especially on date night, is a shared activity that you love to do together. Y'all are living your best happily ever after lives.

Ya'll definitely have scheduled self-care nights. You put on some slow music, open a bottle of wine, draw a bubble bath, all that.

He's utterly useless when it comes to helping you pick your outfits or makeup if you're stuck because he loves you in everything, it's too hard for him to pick. You're his perfect, beautiful Y/N-swaaaaan 😍💖💖✨

He does love to see you in pink or red though so he might default to those colors

Don't try to test your makeup on him lol, you're going to re-awaken the gender identity crisis...I mean Kamabakka trauma

Listen...I'm not saying Sanji has a mommy kink...I'm not even at Whole Cake Island so idk wtf is going on there. All I'm saying is if you give this man a bath, wrap him in a towel to dry him off, and rub him down with luxurious lotions and oils, you might awaken something...that's all...👀

ZORO

He has no clue wtf you're doing. If it weren't for the fact that there's no proof that witches exist in this world, he'd think you are one

He looks at your vanity full of serums, creams, scrubs, lotions, etc, not to mention the makeup and he's like "??????" Just completely baffled

But what do you expect? This man would use that five-in-one Irish Spring soap if he could.

Just because he doesn't understand it doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate and admire the fact that you have extensive knowledge in something he can't even comprehend

He knows you like nice shiny things, and again, while he doesn't get it, he does think it's really, really cute when you go starry-eyed over a necklace or an outfit in a store.

In the same vein, he knows how much you love cute things and animals. He has absolutely found a cute animal in the jungle, picked it up, and brought it to you just to show you because he knew you'd love it.

Sometimes in his own gruff way he'll agree with you that it's pretty cute. Thank you for helping this manly man admit things are cute and that's okay.

Other times, he's the one making sure you don't get distracted because it's so cute

Unfortunately and fortunately, you're pretty to him no matter what you do to yourself so it's all kind of a moot point to him.

You can try to ask him about which 'x' to wear, sometimes it's helpful because he'll throw out a really practical answer and then other times he's like "How 'bout you just go naked" 😏.

He'll wear a face mask with you like...twice a year. And he's going to bitch and moan about it but he does it because he loves you. The entire process is like trying to give a cat a bath "WHY IS IT SO COLD? THIS STAYS ON MY FACE FOR HOW LONG???"

Exfoliate this man at your own risk...I'm dead serious that water is going to be brown

LAW

I need you to know right now this man will let you paint his nails!!! I mean, not like gel or acrylics or anything, but he'll let you paint them any color as long as it's a dark shade of that color. You once designed Bepo on his middle fingers. He did in fact flip people off a lot more often when he had them.

Let's you wear a pastel boiler suit because you he loves you and wants to see you happy

Much like Zoro, he's got no clue what you're doing. He'll stand back and watch you while making the exact same face as the gif above.

He thinks he's being stealthy peaking around a corner to watch your morning or night routine, but you quickly catch on. Please please pleeaaassee ask him if he has any questions because he does. He's just really curious why you're doing what you're doing and what it does. It's basically skin medicine and he's really fascinated.

Knowing that you like shiny things makes his life admittedly a little easier, it's not that he doesn't think of what to gift you, he puts A LOT of thought into what he gives you, but knowing that earrings, necklaces, and bracelets always make you happy is great just in case of analysis paralysis or he forgets. Sorry.

Also you wearing the jewelry he gets you does something to him, especially a necklace he can pull on a little, mmhhm you're making this man struggle with impure thoughts.

You both love cute things, it's something y'all connect on. It's really good that you help him access that very neglected inner child of his and encourage him to coo and fawn over adorable animals with zero reservation.

He'll do skincare with you too when he's not super busy. He can admit it's kind of nice to sit in bed with a book, glass of wine, and a face mask and just bask for a minute

He acts like he hates when you rub serums across his face and use a derma roller on him but he loves it

Law doesn't really pay attention to your clothes, but when you really go all out he breaks out in a sweat and he can't keep his eyes off you.

LUFFY

I'm not saying he thinks it's stupid, it just...why have an hours long care routine when you could be going on adventure with him??? 😭😭😭

He will help you pick out your makeup but don't expect it to look good. You're gonna end up with neon orange eyeshadow and green lipstick. Like literally every "My Boyfriend Does My Makeup" youtube video.

Plays around with your stuff but that's because he has no idea what all these strange contraptions are. The moment you try to explain his eyes glaze over and next thing you know he's whisking you away to go do something more fun.

He likes the shiny bright stuff (highlighter), makeup probably is the only part he even remotely engages in because it's

Explain how contour works to this man and watch him lose his fucking mind, he thinks you're a shape shifter now (honestly this applies to all of them except Law and maybe Sanji)

He never notices what you wear, Nami is gonna have smack him on the back of the head to get him to realize you put on something fancy

Luffy points out everything, it just so happens that things he points out sometime happen to be cute animals

Hides in all the stuffed animals and squishmallows in your room to surprise attack hug you

*throws mud at you* "Is this the kind of mud you like, Y/N??" He really means well though.

You know those hair masks with all natural ingredients like honey and banana? Yeah, he's gonna start sucking on your hair like spaghetti...I'm so sorry.

He'll bathe with you but that's because he wants to be close to you, it's definitely not about being pampered or relaxing.

Try to put a face mask on him or something else and it'll just become a game of tag around the Sunny. You can't catch him and he's having a great time outrunning and outwitting you.

He knows this is all important to you so even though he doesn't get it he'd never make fun of you for it and the moment someone calls you "extra," he's kicking their ass.

ACE

Maybe all the glam is a little silly to him but that just makes you extra cute!

He will also absolutely let you paint his nails. Hell, he'll let you do a full beat on him just for fun and he'll wear it for the whole day because he's so unserious lol

...As long as he gets to do your makeup after...Much like Luffy you're gonna be covered in neon colors that don't even remotely match, but you guys have a great time lol

Admittedly likes to be pampered by you when he gets back from a long mission.

Please take a bubble bath with this man, it's not like the water is ever going to get cold!

I'm pretty sure you'd legitimately lead to Ace taking better care of himself. Got this man out here talking about his cuticles and shit lol

Honestly, it's really good for him because self care leads to self love and Ace needs a lot of help with that.

He tells Pops about all the stuff you do 1.) because he loves you and 2.) he hopes some of it will help Whitebeard heal a little, god bless him 😢

All of your hardwork doesn't go unnoticed, he legitimately gets kind of misty eyed when you really dress up because he's so so so lucky. He swears he doesn't deserve you.

He always brings back some kind of gift even whether it's a cute plushie or something exotic to wear from all of his long travels

I need to stress how much this means to him, everyone of these things is like a little proposal because he already knows you're it. Every little gift is leading up to a ring from this man.

He's also just genuinely impressed by the skill it takes to do your makeup so well, especially after he tries doing it on you

Much like his little brother unfortunately, he does play with all the little contraptions in your vanity, especially in the beginning because have you seen an eyelash curler? He's so confused lol

SABO

Sabo and Ace truly are his brothers because he really don't get all the effort lol

Admittedly, a lot of that is because he thinks you're so hot already what's the point???

Once he gets this is just how you are he's less confused, he's probably the most normal out everyone. He lets you do your thing, although he's really curious how you managed to always look amazing while being in the fucking revolutionary army!!?? Where are you getting the time???

If someone were to intrude on y'all on a free afternoon you're both in fluffy robes with face masks on and Sabo loves to pretend to act like a bitch when he's in selfcare mode with you lol

"Are you seriously bothering us right now, ugh! I can't even right now!!" And then you both break out in laughter

He really thinks you should teach others how to contour and do makeup because it has great applications for disguises and infiltration.

And brags about your skills to everyone

Wonders how many of your makeup supplies could actively be used as a weapon *eye roll* jfc Sabo

There's a part of you that secretly worries all your boujieness will remind him of his blood relatives, but he assures you that it doesn't because you have a good heart and he never doubts that

Besides, being a little extra with him helps him associate those things he used to associate with his blood relatives with you instead so it's even better

He spoils you so bad, but with a Sabo-flair, ie. stealing from shitty people and bringing it back to you because you're oh so more deserving of nice things let's be honest

He gets jealous of the cute animals that you squeal over hehehe, please hug him when he starts pouting

He'll always wear a little pink just for you ❤️

[fire-lizard-ro]

Hi Roro, hope you’re doing well! Let me start by saying your Sunday stuff is MAGNIFICENT, oh my gosh this MAN-

I’ve come with a request for you…

Dr. Veritas Ratio x fem or gn reader. Bathtub. Sex. Like most of the time he’s only interested in reading in the tub, rejecting reader’s advances. But one day, idk, he’s in a MOOD but he doesn’t want to admit it, so he lets reader go a little further than normal with her advances, but he’s still being petty about it, kinda denying and still trying to read his book or whatever and it just Escalates eventually…

Aaaa thank you so much if you decide to do my request! Remember to take breaks and stay hydrated!

I'm ILL over this man jfc-

Dr. Ratio here to prescribe you with a dose of vitamin D-//SHOT

Veri, my love, please just one chance I'm begging just a crumb oisego-

But yesssss gimme the bathtube sex I want it- I wanna do all kinds of wild things to or with this man. Crazy.

But hehehe I know what you are. 👁️👁️

A s i m p . 🫵 (Like I'm any better.)

And thank you!!! This took a While, but I did it. I had lots of fun with it so feel free to request again~

CW and writing under the cut:

CW: vagina and cock (gasp), PIV sex, cockwarming, rough sex, hair pulling, choking (+some breath play), cumming inside (wrap it before you tap it folks), spanking, degradation+praise, objectification, kinda sorta human furniture thing???, name calling (ex:slut), use of words like "cunt" (wow that feels weird writing here-), marking, ignoring you during cockwarming, doggy position(?), cum play, holding your hands behind your back, discussion of safe wording (check-ins), kinda cum as lube?, funishment, d/s aspects to the relationship (though you are dating for romantic reasons as well), slight pussy slapping, talking to your pussy (I know this man a freak <333), crying during sex (+dacryphilia), dumbification (ofc this was gonna be here), ruined orgasm, edging, slight cum eating, a liiiiittle bit of gagging (w/ fingers), usage of "pet" exactly once

Reader gender: fem (I talked with anon separately and they decided on this when I asked for preference- I also only have one fem reader ask. If people want, I can write another version tweaked to be gn or AMAB/male reader~)

Disclaimers:

>>>Dr. Ratio will be referred to as Veritas here since reader is dating him.

>>>This was written and almost finished before 1.6 release.

Bathtub sex, surprisingly, probably isn't the norm for you two. After all, Veritas (oml it feels weird calling him that after so long of calling him Ratio-) enjoys his down time in the bath where he can relax with you and read his books. I like to think that it's one of the few times when his ever racing mind is a bit quieter. So when you are finally pent up enough at just the right time to want to pounce on him in the tub, he's a bit surpised at first. But the surprise would soon melt into mild annoyance. "Can't you just stay still? Quit it- I'm trying to read."

Of course he says it in that ever dramatic way of his while not even glancing up from his book. Speaking of said book- "You're going to get my book wet, darling-" (Yes, he's a "darling" kind of guy. It's sophisticated as he is. And you know he'd say it with that drawl of his and drag the word out. Sometimes in those more intimate moments, it sounds almost like a sultry purr with the way he says it, commanding all your attention.) "And if you do that, you know I'm going to have to punish you, hm?" You almost want it if it means he'd touch you where you want him, but you know that his punishments aren't necessarily fun. Yet still you like them all the same.

(They're more of funishments than punishments in this case- Please do know that funishments and punishments aren't the same, my dear little kinksters~ Since the reader actually enjoys these "punishments" a lot and they are done for their and Veritas' mutual gratification, it's a funishment. These are normally for bratting behavior while actual punishments are for serious things and are meant to actually discourage the behavior that earned you the punishment. Hopefully I explanied it well, lololol-)

But of course you continue to try and rouse his interest, touching him here and there. It reaches the point where you manage to wiggle your way between his arms, in front of his book. Not only does this block his view, but you're dripping water all over his book! (It was all of one or two droplets.) If you listened close enough, you'd probably have heard the sound of his reason breaking in that moment. Like you had poked a sleeping bear one too many times. (And some little part of himself that knew it was also partly because he also was getting into a mood was squashed. Of course it was just because you needed to be disciplined.)

"That's it. You want my attention, darling? Well now you have it.” There was something dark in his voice that sent a shiver down your back and made your nethers tingle in anticipation. He snapped the book closed and set it on the table by the bathtub almost gently, a stark contrast between how his voice sounded and how he was looking at you. He'd tilt his head and consider you, seemingly thinking about how best to punish you for your transgressions. "Hands on my shoulders and do not move them. Color?" Veritas was launching right into it, huh? "Green." "Good."

With hands on his strong shoulders, you watched him with eyes darting around his form to try and figure out what he'd do. Your question was answered by a hand gripping your hip and another dragging down between your breasts, then over your belly, then stopping on your mound. He didn't move any lower, fingers thrumming there just above where you wanted him. Teasing. "I can see your cunt drooling from here. Was she just so hungry that you couldn't be good and hold it until we were out of the tub?" Heat bloomed in your cheeks as he spoke. "Should I punish her? Hm?" Veritas gave your wetness a few light slaps, just enough to make you jolt but not enough to do more than just barely sting. "No- It isn't her fault she's so empty and wanting. But it is your fault that you couldn't be obedient and wait. Isn't that right, my cute little slut?" He whispered in your ear, leaned forward to curl possessively over you while his fingers slipped down to trace around your twitching hole as it tried to suck his finger in.

"Mmmmm..." he hummed lowly, the sound vibrating against you where your chests were pressed together. He kissed the spot beneath your ear before his lips marked a path down your neck, sucking and nipping marks into the tender flesh there. Just as he reached the junction between your neck and shoulder, he suddenly sunk his teeth in and thrusted two fingers into you at the same time. Veritas had sneakily wrapped an arm around your waist to keep you still right before so you weren't able to squirm away from his teeth or his fingers that now plunged in and out of you, agonizingly slow after that fast, rough entry.

The man pressed a kiss to your new bitemark before sliding the hand of the arm around your waist up your back to latch onto your nape and hold you still for a kiss. He chuckled into it as you attempted to fight him for dominance, your tongues clashing. Ultimately, he won and was now devouring your mouth, licking into it with fervor.

At some point, his fingers began to speed up. Veritas was fingerfucking you with his palm slapping against your throbbing clit. And right as you felt yourself begin that climb- He slowed down, his thrusts going back to a leisurely rhythm. He swallowed the whine that left your throat, smirking into the kiss you were still locked in. As he pulled away, he looked incredibly smug. "Thought it would be that easy? Of course not. This is a punishment.”

He did this another time, bringing you close to the rise of pleasure (not at all that close to your peak, though) before going frustratingly slowing. The third time, however... It didn't seem that he was going to stop, and you felt it build and build inside you like a white hot flame. And right as you were reaching the end... He spanked you and ripped his fingers out, sending you over the edge but ruining your orgasm. It had tears beading in your eyes. Fuck did that make him want to fuck you absolutely stupid, but he had more control than that. Your punishment was far from over.

He soothingly ran his hand over your back as you leaned into him, body shivering. "Color?" Through your panting breaths, you managed a weak, "Green." "Good girl." He didn't let you rest any longer, manhandling you into a new position. Now you were leaned over the edge of the tub with your hands keeping you from falling out, Veritas behind you. "I'm going to fuck you now, and you're going to take it all like a good girl, right?" At first you thought he was talking to you, but then he caressed your slit and cooed at it. That mixed sense of shame and arousal shot through you and had you clenching around nothing, making Veritas laugh condescendingly. "So honest..."

Again he started out slow, the sensual slide of his cock inside of your pussy making you close your eyes to focus on the pleasure he was giving you. But he was faster to ramp things up now that he'd already edged you and ruined one of your orgasms. It may or may not have also been because he was quite ready to slake his own lust with your body.

The only reason you didn't slam your face into the tub's edge or fall out was Veritas' grip on you when he grabbed both of your wrists and pulled your arms behind your back. You felt a hand slide into your hair and then he was thrusting into you hard, the slap of his hips slamming into your ass loud in the confined space of the bathroom. It was obscene the way you could even hear the wet sound of his cock going in and out of you amplified by the natural acoustics of said bathroom. "You like hearing how well you take me, slut? I certainly do. It's filthy. Fitting-"

Your hips are bruising from them being pressed onto the edge of the tub, bumping into it with almost every thrust. It hurt but fuck did it all feel so good because he was pressing against your sweet spot every time he fucked into your wet hole.

The hand pulling your head back by your hair let go only to wrap around your throat and pull you up so your back pressed against his chest. "Fuck you sound like such a whore right now. Are you my good little whore? Just for me?" Of course you couldn't answer because your mind was blank from his hand pressing just right to cut off some of that blood flow. Oh and because he had also just tilted his hand to cut off your air. He held for a bit, waiting until your vision was a bit fuzzy at the edges before letting you breathe, the feeling of the air rushing back into your lungs making you dizzy. You felt so close you could scream- And then you nearly did when he pulled out and stopped your orgasm.

His hands let go of you and you nearly keeled over, but he caught you. With an arm around your waist, you couldn't tell what he was doing behind you until you heard the slick sound of him fisting his cock. Right as he began cumming, he slammed back into you to fill you with it while biting down hard on the back of your neck. Another bite to mark you as his.

Veritas then pulled out so the last few spurts of cum would paint your labia in white, marking you inside and out with his spend.

You could feel the frustrated tears pouring down your face as you felt your burning arousal festering in your belly and the mix of embarrassment and thrill at his actions. Fuck this man would be the end of you. He unlatched from your neck to lean forward and lick the tears off your face with a hum. "You look so pretty like this..." He patted your ass before that same hand was sliding down to open you up using your pussy lips as he leaned back to watch as the cum he poured into you began to slip out.

Scooping up the cum that had dribbled out, he fingered it back in, purposefully tapping at your gspot a few times. He then pulled the white covered fingers out and petted your clit, playing with it a little before bringing it to your face. "Clean them off." Your tongue kitten licked some of it off before he was shoving them in your mouth. You gagged a little, drooling over his fingers while weakly sliding your tongue over them to clean them of the cum clinging to them.

"Good girl," he praised with a kiss to your jaw before he let out a sigh. "I'm going to sit you on my cock and finish my reading. Color?" "Green, fuck-" "That's a good pet."

Warming his cock while leaned forward to rest your arms on the lip of the tub while your head rested on those was hard. You desperately wanted to cum, but you now were willing to be obedient to get what you wanted. You weren't sure how much more punishment you could take. It didn't help that he had an arm resting on the back of your hips, slung over them as he leaned on you a bit while his other arm rested atop the other one. That hand was holding up his book. He wasn't touching you besides that and your ass resting in the cradle of his hips, cock deep inside your pussy which still fluttered around his thickness occasionally. Every time you squirmed he would spank you with a pointed look before going back to his book, ignoring you entirely. Any whining or talking would be met with the same treatment.

He checked in on you after a bit. "Color?" "...yellow." His demeanor changed immedately. Petting your side, he eased you back to lean against him once more. "What's wrong, baby?" He typically saved that endearment for intimate moments alone together and times like this where you might need reassurance. "I wanna see your face... wanna hold you." It seemed you might be a bit sensitive, now, after being punished for a while and needed that from him. "Of course, baby. Your punishment is almost over. I'll let you come soon and we can continue in the bedroom, hm?" You loved this man. "Okay." He kissed your forehead. "Good girl."

He slipped out, making you whine. It was met with a chuckle and he helped you turn around to slide into his lap again, this time facing him.

Veritas pulled you to rest against him, tucking you into his neck as he wrapped an arm around your waist. Once you both were settled in, he went back to reading. He still ignored you, but it wasn't so bad this time.

You knew he was done when he set his book on the table again.

He settled his grip on your hips before going straight into fucking up into you hard and fast, what cum was still left in you from his cock plugging it in you aiding the slide of dick in and out of you. He fucked you and played with you until you felt like you couldn't think straight. Even when he asked you questions, knowing you couldn't answer, you weren't quite sure what you said. Whether it was even coherent or not.

"Such a cute, dumb girl for me."

As you came around his cock again, you moaned as you felt the warmth of his cum in you. "Did so, so good for me. Such a good girl." Veritas gave you some time to come down from your high before asking. "You wanna continue in the bedroom or are you finished for the night?" "...m' done." "Alright, baby." He gave you some more time before cleaning you up and draining the tub. Another kiss was pressed to your forehead, then your cheek, then your lips. "Let's go to bed, darling. I'll take care of you."

Lololol hopefully you like it. 🙏

If there’s any typos or if it doesn’t make sense somewhere… Your honor my client claims “oopsie daisy”. It’s me. The client is me, your honor-

[hp-hcs]

i see your theo and mattheo are bottoms post so i ask of you BOTTOM 👏🏻 YANDERE 👏🏻 FICS 👏🏻 i'd go feral if you dropped any plsplspls 😭‼️

• smut • hook up boyfriend — yandere! switch! theodore nott x male! switch! toxic! reader

look at this little bottom bitch he’s mine back off

so, my boyfriend proofreads most of my works on here, and i gave him my rough draft for this ask. he then said, and i quote, "jesus christ, [hp-hcs]. you write smut like a nun." and then he took my phone from me. so basically, this is a long winded way of saying that my boyfriend helped me write all the smexy stuff. tell me if I should let him keep helping me or if he's a god awful smut writer who should not be allowed within a hundred feet of my tumblr, mkay?

INCREDIBLY TOXIC READER JFC WHYD I MAKE YOU SUCH A MANIPULATIVE BASTARD IDK

WARNINGS: SMUT MDNI, amab reader, switch reader, implied unprotected sex w/ multiple sexual partners (you’re not magic irl. wrap it before you tap it.), lot of power dynamic changes—traditional top dom/bottom sub but also some top sub/bottom dom stuff as well, toxic shit in general, lot of manipulation, pretty mild yandere from theo, degradation, praise

i’m of the opinion that theo would be a bottom/dom just so that he could save face for posterity

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“What do you mean I can’t hook up with him?”

“Because you’re already hooking up with me!”

“So? We’re not exclusive, Theodore.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Friends with benefits. That’s it. I’m not beholden to give you my loyalty and undivided attention, dipshit.”

Theo growls and runs a hand through his hair while he paces around his dorm. You lay back on his bed, watching him with a bored expression.

“But he’s my best friend, Y/n!”

“Mhm. He’s also a damn good fuck.”

“I don’t need to know that!”

“Why not? You seem to enjoy fucking your friends, no?” You shrug, stretching out across his bed without a single care. “Maybe you ought to add Matty to your hook up rotation.”

“Matty?”

“Yeah? I’ve got nicknames for all my partners, Teddy-Bear.”

“All?!” Theo splutters. “Well- well, tell me this. Does he even satisfy you? Do you ever think of me when he’s fucking you?”

“He’s the bottom, actually.”

“Wh- huh?”

“He’s the bottom,” you repeat. “Why are you shocked? You’re well aware I’m a switch, Theo. And everyone knows that Mattheo is a Bottom-with-a-capital-B.”

A flame of white-hot jealousy heats up Theo’s skin. He grits his teeth in barely-restrained anger; it’s as if just saying the wrong thing right now would cause him to snap and go hunt down Riddle to put his head on a pike.

“I could be your Bottom-with-a-capital-B. You don’t need Riddle. You’re mine, and I’m yours. Got that?”

You snort. “No offense, Teddy, but I couldn’t see you bottoming in a million years. You’re my top hook up. I’ve got bottom hook ups so that you don’t have to do that.”

He stubbornly crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, maybe it’s high time you teach me how to bottom then. I don’t want you seeing other people. Especially if it’s just because they give you something I’m too chicken to.”

You blink. “Huh. That’s some weirdly endearing possessive dedication, love.”

“I aim to please,” he says dryly, those unnervingly dead eyes of his seeming like they could see inside your soul when he stares at you.

You consider the offer before a wicked grin slowly spreads across your face. “I bet you do, darling.”

~~~

"Sh-shit! Fuck! Y-Y/n, I-"

“You gonna cum, pretty boy? Hm? Already?” He whimpers and nods frantically, his fingers scrabbling for hold on your shoulders and leaving stinging nail-bitten marks across your back.

Your teasing relents a bit at the sight of his blissed-out expression. Theo’s mouth hangs open in ecstasy, his eyes shut tightly and his back arching up from the mattress.

You groan at the sight of him splayed out under you. You grip his cock, reveling in his whimpers, and quickly start jacking him off in time to your thrusts. “C’mon, baby. You can do it. Be a good boy for me.”

His entire body stiffens as he cums with a moan that would make even a Muggle porn star blush.

You groan and start to slow down, but before you can fully pull out, he locks his knees around your hips to keep you in place.

"D-don't you fucking dare. More.”

“More?” You tease gently, hesitant to continue despite his request. “What a fucking slut you are, Teddy-Bear. Insatiable.”

He growls at your hesitance, far too impatient for that kind of bullshit.

He grips your shoulders, his knees tightening around your hips again as he uses all of that hot boy quidditch strength to roll you both over.

You let out a tiny yelp of surprise as he flips you onto your back. He whimpers loudly and moans at the shift in position, having to tuck his face into your neck for a moment while he collects himself.

Your hand moves up to comb your fingers through his hair, but he knocks it away before you can.

He sits up, supporting his weight with his hands flat on your chest, and takes a shaky breath at the shift of positions. “Want you t’ cum too.”

Your hands find his hips and grip them firmly, your breath becoming uneven as he starts to grind back and forth.

You help him raise himself up then lower his body again, listening to his sweet moans. As he finds a steady rhythm, you watch as his thighs begin to tremble.

“Merlin- I’ll never complain about you getting tired while riding me ever again. This is a fucking workout.”

“You’ll be fine. You’re not on the quidditch team for nothing.”

That was apparently the wrong thing to say.

His face darkens.

Maybe he just doesn’t like me bringing up his teammates while we’re literally fucking, you consider. Maybe he-

“How good of a fuck is Riddle anyways, huh? Could he ever ride you like this?”

Ah.

Fuck.

Mattheo’s on the quidditch team as well.

Theo starts moving with passion, roughly slamming down on you. “I asked you a question.”

“G-god- Theo!” You gasp, caught off guard by the sudden influx of sensations.

“Answer me.”

You whine and scratch your short fingernails over his abs, marveling at the pink and red lines that bloom at the surface a half-second later. “C-could never be as good as you, love. Shit- you’re perfect.”

He shivers at the sensation and grins slyly. “Perfect, huh?”

“Perfect,” you repeat, cupping the back of his neck and pulling him in for a slow kiss.

He sighs against your lips, returning the kiss. The sweet moment is cut off by you suddenly jerking your hips up into him and cursing loudly.

“Fuck- you feel so fucking good, babe-”

He gasps and his fingers claw frantically at your shoulders for any kind of support. “Merlin- I’m gonna-”

You watch as Theo’s second orgasm hits him and he goes practically boneless, slumping over on top of you.

He’s spasming around you like mad, and you can’t help but moan loudly when you cum just seconds later.

You both lay there in silence for a moment, trying to catch your breaths. Theo slowly eases himself off of your dick and rolls over to lay beside you.

“What‘s the final verdict?” You grin cheekily after a moment. “You a pillow prince now or nah?”

“Mmm…nah. I think I can settle for the label of switch though.”

“Aha! Welcome to the dark side!”

“Yeah, yeah. Shush. Now, roll over, I’m on top this time.”

~~~

“I heard you’re going steady with someone now.”

“Mm…mhm,” Theo hums an affirmative around the cigarette in his mouth, one hand cupped around the flame of his lighter as he lit it.

“Who’s the lucky fella?”

“Your ex-fuckbuddy.”

“Which one?”

“Y/n.”

Mattheo’s brow furrows. “Y/n? Y/n and I have never slept together.”

Theo suddenly launches into a coughing fit as he chokes on his lungful of smoke. “What?”

“Now, don’t get me wrong. I’d hit that in a heartbeat if he offered. But, I’m also like ninety percent sure that you’d kill me if I did that, and I rather enjoy being not-murdered, believe it or not. He is incredibly hot though.”

Theo just stared, his mouth hanging open.

You never slept with Mattheo?

What?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

• standalone!! •

i will not be writing a part two!!

[jhuzen]

Hello! I’m not sure if you’re taking requests so feel free to just ignore this! I’m also not sure if you write for Baizhu but I was thinking of maybe m!reader and his first time doing the do but reader is so scared of hurting him the whole time because his body is so weak

gently, gently [m.reader]

alt title: ゆっくりゆっくり；i am but a horny gae man. this is pure indulgence (like any other smut that i made jfc) in behalf of the request. i guess… count this also as a ritual before i pull for the new husbando? i mean, he’s still like a good many weeks away since he’s in the second half of the bloody patch so… ye anw, i hope i delivered, my dear anon <3

𖦹 soft sex because i am feeling soft, top reader, is this me projecting? yes.

A plethora of words come to Baizhu’s mind whenever someone would ask what kind of a lover you are. Really, you were sure that Baizhu can comb through the entire dictionary just to find an adjective and it still wouldn’t be enough. However, despite all that, what remained consistent was his constant praise of you. You are his pride and joy, after all. He was never one to shy away from boasting about you whenever he can.

You were majestic, absolutely charming, kind, clever, passionate, and the list goes on should anyone even ask about you from the famed pharmacist. Not a single person who hasn’t asked about you never knew how deeply Baizhu held his admiration and appreciation for you.

And when he can, Baizhu would most definitely show it to you physically, to make sure to leave a mark as a solid proof of his adoration for you. With every kiss, very touch, no matter how subtle or otherwise, it was something that he made sure was chockfull of love and care. And ever the charming man you are, you would leave him swooning at your equally gentle responses to his affections.

But even your hypnotic charms could never sway the fact that you tend to avoid an act that proves to be far more intimate — Baizhu quickly noticed (how could he not, when you stammered out and carefully tucked him in like a child the very first time you and him gave it a try). Though admittedly, it was rather endearing to see you make a poor attempt on finessing your way out of it, it still was concerning.

And even now as he sat comfortably on your lap, with your hands gingerly gripping his bare waist while you kissed back with fervor and hunger, Baizhu could tell the way your hands around him tensed ever so slightly whenever his hands would roam to touch the skin of your neck, down to your clavicle.

Both of you parted to take in the air that your kisses deprived you of, and Baizhu had a chance get a good look at your pretty face. His golden eyes softened behind his glasses, looking at you so tenderly that even you couldn’t help but notice and imminently melt from. You always were rendered speechless at times like these — when your beloved would drag you out to face the bliss of intimacy.

However that loving haze in your eyes was quickly flushed out the moment his nimble fingers found its way to unbutton your neatly pressed dress shirt.

Your hands flew to his, minding your strength as you smiled up at him, “It’s alright, love, I can go change on my own,” it was an incredibly weak excuse, but you’d rather that than give into your instincts at this point;

A frown tugged on Baizhu’s soft limbs and guilt quickly strapped you down, “Hey now, don’t make that face,” you cupped his cheek, flashing him a smile of solid reassurance. “I won’t be long, I promise. After that, I’m all yours.” With some limitations. Your mind gently reminded, which you so begrudgingly agreed to.

A sigh escaped through Baizhu as he looked at you with nothing but utter confusion, “I hadn’t intended to bring this up in the slightest bit, dearest, but… is there something wrong?” The sweetest concern laced his every word and it took every bit of willpower not to take him then and there. “I feel as though you have been avoiding acts of… intimacy. Though there is not a problem with that, but I think there is merit to you telling me what the problem is, yes?”

You nodded quickly, pliant and unable to resist Baizhu’s sweet coaxing. “Ah… there’s no problem, it’s just…” you trailed off, your words quickly clogging your throat.

You tore your eyes away quickly and ended up looking down, looking at the way your lover’s chest heaved, resisting the carnal urge to just tear his clothes open and ravage him. You of all people craved Baizhu’s touch, but continuously refrained because you feared having to hurt him in the middle of such an intimate act. And you’d rather not engage in it, than have your dearest boyfriend associate some form of pain in such an activity that only sought to bring pleasure.

Baizhu quickly noticed your hesitance, following your gaze as he made you look back up at him, “Just…?” He pried further.

Your hands grasped at his body, lightly squeezing his supple waist. Baizhu instinctively went closer, almost pressing himself up against you with need, “Just… I don’t want to hurt you.” You always treated him as though he was someone that could break, and you weren’t going to start now just so you can feel good. “But it doesn’t particularly bother me. I don’t mind it.”

“Oh dear, that’s what got you all twisted?” Baizhu softly tuts, cooing at you before peppering your face with tiny pecks, “Well, I don’t particularly mind either. I trust that you wouldn’t even do such a thing to me. You treat me so well, [Name]… I couldn’t even imagine a single scenario where I would get hurt in your company.”

You could slowly feel what little bit of restraint that you had on you slipping, Baizhu was willingly offering himself to you, trusting you so openly and you couldn’t even do that. No. It was your control that you never had much confidence in.

But if your lovely partner holds a far higher expectation from you, then who are you to disappoint?

Soft and quiet gasps weaseled out of Baizhu’s swollen and lightly bruised kissed lips, filling the room with delectable mewls that almost sent you into overdrive. He writhed against the plush mattress of your shared bed, grasping onto the sheets with the tightest grip that he could muster.

It felt all too good, feeling the way your long slender fingers prodding within his walls. Baizhu squirmed, but your firm yet gentle grip on the dip of his waist refrained him from running away, leaving him completely intoxicated at the sensation. He can only imagine just how much better it would feel if you finally replaced those modest fingers of yours with something far more enticing.

“H-Hah~ More, [Name], more, ” Baizhu whimpered, completely breathless as his hips jolted up when your fingers brushed up against his prostate. His knees felt weak in an instant and that look in your eyes was all the more alluring.

Your ministrations were gentle, careful, and incredibly precise. Even with the green light he had given, you still made an effort to just as cautious in the first place — you felt through the entire thing, eyes gleaming with concentration as you looked at your lover’s flushed pretty face for any form of discomfort, determined to call it off if he so much as contorts his face into a look of pain.

But even that did little to quell the needy monster that festered within you, showing you how truly desperate it was by the way every moan that echoed through the room from your lover had your cock twitching with an aching need to be enveloped by his warmth. You bit your lip in anticipation, adding in a third finger while you continued to prepare him so meticulously, handling him so gingerly that you were even remotely afraid to break him just by this.

“Just a little more, ‘Zhu,” you whispered, contained and reassuring, almost hissing in absolute delight when you felt him dig his nails into your arms, determined to keep himself still despite the waves of pleasure that you brought to him.

“Love, please,” Baizhu begs through a shaky voice, “I need you now…”

You stopped, as a look of hesitance crossed your features, “As much as I’d love to as well, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t want to—”

“You won’t,” Baizhu interjected quick, his tone leaning into desperation. With the way he clutched onto your arm, squeezing it with reassurance, and the way his golden eyes shone so earnestly, you couldn’t even muster an ounce of will to resist it. “I will tell you if it’s too much… sound good?”

You broke out in a small smile, chuckling a little, “How odd is it that when I’m supposed to be comforting you, you’re the one who does it for me instead.”

“Not too odd,” Baizhu shared the fondness with a grin before poking your forehead, “It’s how this relationship works, y’know. Now, please… I believe I’ve been waiting for far too long, hm?”

“I’ll make it worth your while then.”

A sensation of pure pleasure ran down Baizhu’s spine when you pulled your fingers out, his entrance clenching so greedily, so incredibly in need of you. You never once pegged for your beloved to be so needy in the first place, but you figured you’ve strung him along for far too long that he deserved to have his demands met even just for the night.

You shifted around as you positioned yourself in between his legs, grabbing hold of his thighs to spread them apart. He looked so delicate like this, looking at you with so much anticipation with a haze of lust swirling between those naturally coy eyes of his. You couldn’t help but squeeze his thighs a little when your gaze drifted downwards. Your lover, by all means, was not small, but the sight of him being dwarfed by you was enough to set you in motion.

You threw him a cautionary glance one last time, but all he had to do was give you a nod and a reassuring smile before finally letting yourself loose, lathering your erection a generous amount of lube. You swiftly lined yourself up within his entrance, the tip of your cock lightly brushing against his quivering entrance.

“So erotic, ‘Zhu,” you murmured, but it was loud enough for Baizhu to hear. “Now I wonder just what have you been doing before all this.” You watched as Baizhu covered his mouth with the back of his hand, looking away just a tad bit to not meet your piercing gaze, “Oh? Does that imply that you’ve done something in the first place?”

Baizhu could only shake his head in protest and denial. He could never do such a thing, not when you’re not with him, at least. But if he was being honest, you are partly to blame for making him feel so flustered in the first place.

You pressed a quick kiss on his temple, “Ready?” You whispered, sweet and considerate, and Baizhu could only meekly nod, bracing himself.

His face contorts into a mild wince the very moment you ease yourself inside him, little by little as you test the waters. But Baizhu endured the slight discomfort, his toes curling at the sheer girth that he had to take in. A quiet wail was drawn out from him, hips rolling already for more and you were far more happy to oblige.

You wrapped his legs around you and thrusted the rest of you inside, indulging in your beloved’s most delectable noises.

“So tight,” you hissed through your teeth, eyes almost rolling to the back of your head at the way Baizhu’s walls hugged your cock tight, clenching around you even tighter, ready to milk you dry for days on end. You looked at your lover, “How does it feel? Does it hurt?”

Ragged breathing was all you heard from the man underneath you before laughing a little, “Not so much…” you could only sigh as Baizhu continued to try and regain his breathing.

“Love we’ve barely started, how are you already so spent?”

“Give me some considerations, at least…” he took a big gulp of air. “I feel like you punched the air out of me.”

You snickered, brushing back his fringe away from his forehead damp with sweat before sneaking in another tender kiss, “Let’s hope that doesn’t actually come into fruition or this will never happen again.” You shifted a little, prompting your partner to squirm at the sensation.

He felt so full — stuffed to the brim with your cock and despite the initial discomfort, Baizhu found himself getting obsessed at the very feeling. There was something so alluring at the feeling of just being full of you. You truly are worth the wait. On top of that, still being so considerate of his condition? No one else can get better than you, Baizhu thinks.

The stillness was disrupted when Baizhu finally urged you to move.

You started with slow, languid thrusts, finding yourself completely entranced and mesmerized by the adorable noises that you never knew your lover was even capable of in the first place. You loved the way his gummy walls clenched around your cock, enveloping you into a warmth that can render you completely senseless. It felt good, so, so good to finally be inside him after holding back for so long, and much like you were to Baizhu, you find yourself caving into the fact that he was also worth the wait.

Caging him in, you placed your hands behind his head, cushioning it as you draped yourself over him without too much force. You needed as much contact as you could after depriving yourself from this feeling, and with the way Baizhu seemed to cave into your form, fitting in perfectly like he was molded to complement you told you he felt the same thing.

Your hips moved with a steady pace, and you relished in the strangled gasps that Baizhu would emit, his mouth conjuring the most pornographic moans, the sweetest sighs and pleas right next to your ear as you laid your head on his shoulder.

And Baizhu could only jolt with every deep thrust, his mind numbing at the feeling of you burrowed so deep inside him, hitting all the right spot.

“H-Hah… you feel so good, baby boy,” you huffed, already mouthing at the juncture of his neck, eager to bite and leave a mark.

“F-Faster, please~!”

A girlish moan squeezes out of your lover’s mouth when you quickly oblige, picking up the pace with an equally consistent deep thrusts that reached the deepest parts within him. Baizhu’s mind was muddled with a haze of pure lust with every time your cock would hit that sweet spot of his, making him clench harder, almost keeping you in place as he licked up the pleasurable feeling.

Suddenly, the intricate touches turned sloppy, haphazard in feeling. Baizhu’s trembling hands clawed into your broad back as he tried to ground himself in reality before he could even get lost in more waves of unadulterated euphoria. Tears pricked at the ends of his eyes as his weeping cock also rubbed up against your abdomen with every move you make, smearing precum on your skin.

Baizhu’s eyes screwed shut — he knows he promised to tell you when it feels too much, but surely this was an exception? He chants your name like a mantra, mixing in with his breathless pleading with every second, you hissed at his nails scratching against the skin of your back before moving even faster, throwing the one rule you’ve made with reckless abandon.

Intensity wafted within the room the room growing hotter, the delectable sinful sounds bouncing off the walls was only something Baizhu could hope not a single neighbor of yours can hear.

You thrusted with fervor, with a pace so brutal that your lover’s body shudders. Baizhu wasn’t even sure at this point if he came — far too fucked out of his mind to comprehend things, all he could do was hold onto you for dear life while you devoured him whole. Cries spilled from his mouth, antagonizing your low, pleased grunts, the bed creaked with every movement as pleasure overtook both of your senses.

“[Name]— I-I— I’m close…!” A wanton squeal interrupts Baizhu’s poor attempt at a warning the moment you took his cock in your hand, squeezing it before pumping him with a pace that could match your thrusts.

“C’mon baby,” you rasped, completely out of breath, but even that was nothing compared to Baizhu, who so desperately tried to catch up with you. “Cum for me, love. Come on.”

And your lover obliges, unable to even hold back as he arches his back up, convulsing when he came, spending himself into your hand with little to no restraint. But even he had barely any chance to catch his breath when you finally focused on your own pleasure, hand leaving his limp cock as you held his hips with a bruising grip.

Archons, poor Baizhu’s legs almost gave out the moment you reached your climax, spilling yourself inside him with the intent to fill him up to the brim.

Hah… So full… His legs soon fell from around your waist, hips still in tremors as he slowly took in the warmth your seed gave him.

The room was silent, save for both of you trying to regain your breathing and some sanity.

Your mind was clouded while you indulged in the high of your orgasm, only looking at Baizhu and how the bedside lamp in your dim room managed to illuminate his best features despite what you just did to him.

You smiled a little, reaching a hand to wipe away some sweat that dotted your lover’s forehead, “You okay?” And in just that question, in an instant the feverish monster in bed dissipated as your gentle visage entered Baizhu’s vision.

He took your hand and kissed it with an equally pleased smile, “Very much…”

The both of you basked in each other’s company as the lamp flickered through the dim room.

You dipped down and gave him a quick peck on the lips, “I’ll go get some towels.” You whispered against the corner of his lips before getting up, only to be stopped by your beloved instead.

“Maybe later…?” Baizhu pleads with an endearingly hopeful smile.

You nodded.

“…Maybe later.”

[msmarvelouswinchester]

If We Love Again

Summary: Whatever problems we had back then don’t exist anymore. It’s why we have this second chance, and we can’t throw it away. -Michelle Maddow

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N (Reader)

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Reader

WC: 1942

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending. Post-canon where DEAN IS ALIVE, kinda sappy, body-shaming (not by the boys), hugs and kisses

Square Filled: Your hands are tough, but they are where mine belong ( @taylorswiftbingo )

A/N: Alright. Alright. Hello you people! Jfc, how long has it been? A lot of things happened (personal matters and fandom problems too) so I took a break. Kind of gave up writing for a bit. Then two boys - Alex and Henry (RWRB fandom, I'm looking at you) got me back to writing! And of course I had to write for my baby, Dean Winchester!

And I've also lost my taglist. So sorry for not tagging anyone in this.

Completely unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine.

“What’re you doing here?” The usual routine of the bunker had been thrown off-kilter when Y/N had appeared, looking…frazzled. Maybe a tad smile but her eyes shone with unshed tears. And she was drenched to the bones and panting like she had run a mile to get to the bunker. The man welcomed her inside, saying, “Come in first, you are fucking wet.”

The words slipped and the man’s eyes widened, expecting a snobbish remark from her about the word and its placement in the sentence but soon enough, he frowned because Y/N didn't comment on the…apparent opportunity of turning the entire conversation inappropriate. Like she always did. But today, she wordlessly accepted the man’s gratuitous welcome and headed inside the old establishment.

Once at the end of the stairs, she said, rather whispered, “Hey Dean. Can you do me a favour? I need a hug.” If Dean didn't know what heaven looked like, he would have guessed he had ascended to heaven at Y/N’s request.

Dean, who had sprinted down the steps, looked at her and nodded, opening his arms. Y/N stepped into the hug and wrapped her arms around his torso, hands finding the nape of his neck. Dean’s hands had also instantly found their shelter around her body. They stayed in the position for a while. Y/N inhaled deeply quite a few times. The unforgettable scent of cinnamon and gunpowder hitting her and she let the tears fall as she let her guard down for the first time that night and Dean’s hold around her tightened. The sobs that left her, wrecked his heart. Each wail was like a dagger to his chest. He hated seeing her sad. He rested his chin on the top of her head, the familiar smell of her shampoo gave him whiplash as the memories of…everything queued up inside his head. But he still didn't know what had prompted her to show up at her place. “Y/N, sweetheart, can you look at me? I need you to look at me,” Dean murmured, “please.”

His voice washed over her and the sobbing turned into sniffles. She sniffled against the now wet, snot-covered spot on Dean’s tshirt before her red-rimmed, puffy eyes found his worried green ones. “‘M sorry,” she whimpered.

“Hey, shh, what're you sorry for? For ruining my shirt? Oh, I'll just bribe Sammy to do the laundry,” Dean grinned but the worry never left his eyes.

“I just—Dean, I'm sorry for…s-showing up tonight unannounced…I shouldn't have…what was I even thinkin’? Dean, I’ll—uh…see myself out.” Y/N said, and fidgeted in Dean’s grip but he was reluctant to let go. Not when she had just shown up a few minutes ago and broke down in his arms.

Dean said, “Stop, Y/N. Stop. It's alright. That's what best friends are for.” Nope, not letting you go this time.

“But…” Did you forget the part where we dated and broke up and vowed to never see each other again because it would break our hearts even more?

“No buts,” Dean said, as if he could read the thoughts in her head, “Whatever happened…happened. You were my best friend and you still are. If you need me, in a heartbeat, I'll be there for you. Do you understand that?” He glanced up, Jack if this is your doin’ because I pretty much dreamed about second chances last night then thanks, buddy.

Y/N nodded.

“Now let's go sit down. I'm gonna go find Sam and let him know you're here. And then we can go and kick some asses.” Dean gently guided her to his room in the bunker and sat her down on his bed, asking if she needed anything to drink, water or beer or anything to eat, knowing all they had was pie and a greasy two-days old burger in the freezer. They really needed to stock up their fridge more now they have started to live normal lives.

Y/N, though just asked for water.

Dean winked and said he would be back in a minute. And he was, with Sam in tow who had scooped her up in a giant hug. Oh, she had missed them.

“Hi, Sam. You look…different.” Y/N giggled at Sam in his formal clothes instead of the layers of plaid she was used to seeing on him. She had heard that the Winchesters had retired from hunting but seeing them bask in their post-retirement glory was astonishing.

“Yeah, had a makeover sorta, got myself a job and everything—”

“And a girlfriend,” Dean wiggled his brows and his brother blushed furiously. In between the conversation, Dean had handed Y/N a glass of water and sat down beside her on the bed.

She sipped on the water and hummed thoughtfully, “Who would have thought? Our little Sammy, all grown up!”

And for the first since her alarmingly sudden visit to the bunker, Y/N smiled.

“Oh shut up. Enough about me. Dean said something to me about kicking someone's asses. Do we have to bring out our hunting gear?” Y/N’s eyes widened at the question.

“No! Jesus, no guns. And no violence.” She warned the Winchesters.

“Can’t promise on the violence part, sweetheart!” Dean smirked. “So what happened?”

“Honestly. I think I'm good. It was a moment of…sadness but I'm oka—”

Dean cut her off, saying, “Y/N you were wailing. That was not nothing. Come on, tell us, we swear we'll be good.”

Y/N hesitated and Sam decided to put her out of her misery, “Whatever Dean says, if you don't feel comfortable in telling us. Don't tell.”

“Oh…” Dean sighed, “Yeah, I…I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. You seriously don't have to tell us, if you're not up for it.”

“It's just not that,” she swallowed hard. It should be easy to tell them, right? They were her best friends. She took a deep breath and said, “The guy, I am…or rather was dating—” She felt Dean tense up beside her and Sam side-eyed his brother but she continued “-well, he was an asshole. A dickhead. A fucking son of a bitch.”

Sam chuckled. “That's quite a description.”

“Yeah. So I applied for this job in NYC and well…I got it—” her heart soared in her chest as she watched the brothers’ faces split into a huge grin “-but this moron of my ex-boyfriend decided to throw my insecurities to my face because he didn't want me to go to NYC.”

Now looking back, Y/N didn't know why she was sad. She was angry. No, she was pissed because how dare a pathetic little man order her around about whether or not she should work in New York. “He was worried that I wasn't too pretty for the NYC girls, that I was too soft to survive in a big city like New York—”

This time Dean chuckled. Because Y/N wasn't soft, she was a hunter. Born into a hunter family only to give it all up because she wanted a quieter life. But she knew how to fight, how to wield a gun. And she was pretty. Too pretty and even after four years of breaking up, Dean’s heart still skipped a beat when she called his name, looked at his face and he was still enamoured by her very existence.

“So I told him that I would leave his sorry ass,” Y/N’s lips trembled, “and he said it was going to be the best thing because I wasn't worth enough for him to fight for because I…I am ‘too much’ and I…I don't put an effort into being the woman a man wants, no…needs. And in that moment, I got so sad, I needed to see you. Because I missed you guys so much. I missed this where no one judged me or at least didn't use to until…well, I…yeah. So, this is how I showed up here.”

“You're always welcome here, Y/N. And I'm sorry, things haven't been…good for a few years but don't think for a second we will judge you or not let you back into our lives,” Dean’s hands had snaked back around her waist, pulling her closer while she continued, “Well, he was kinda right. Don't you think? I talk too much. Sometimes I go on a ramble. I don't watch my diet—”

“That son of a bitch body-shamed you?” Dean was seething.

“Yeah. And he said, I was too much of a work to stay with. I have always been told that I'm too much of a work but it still hurts—”

Dean said, “Well the guy is an idiot. You aren't too much of a work, sweetheart.”

Y/N, this ain't gonna work. You want me. I want you but you don't want this hunting life while THIS hunting is my life. This relationship is going to be so much of a work and with Cain on the loose, I don't think I can put that much effort in this. Y/N gave Dean a soft smile, “I don't want to bring up old memories but you also said that, pretty much four years back.”

Sam’s mouth fell open. “What the hell, Dean?”

“W-I? I was under the influence of the mark, Y/N and you knew it. I pushed away so many people. Letting you go was my biggest mistake. And I regret it because I still fucking love yo—” Dean’s mouth snapped shut.

And for the second time, Sam exclaimed, “What the hell, Dean?”

“Yo–love…what?” Y/N whispered.

Dean turned towards his brother, “Sammy.”

“Yeah.” Sam quickly stepped out of the room.

“Y/N. Letting you go was my biggest mistake and never calling you up was my biggest regret. I should have called because I still need you. And now I have this life. You know I start a new job next week? It's a construction but yeah. And it got me thinkin’ about you. Yeah. I was thinking how I fucked us over and never got to tell you the truth. I never got over us, you. I…I never wanted you to go—”

“I remember very clearly you throwing me out of the bunker and telling me never to contact you again. You know what, showing up tonight was my bigges—”

“Son of a bitch, I can't believe I'm fucking doin’ this,” Dean murmured.

“Wha–” The rest of the question turned into a squeak and Dean’s lips crashed into her. And then the thoughts crashed into him. Fuck.

Dean immediately jumped back from her. “I'm so sor—”

“If you dare to say sorry for this, I am telling Sammy to shoot you in your dick, asshole,” Y/N panted, “Fucking come, kiss me, you moron!”

“You sure? You just had a breakup and…”

Y/N looked at Dean, “I know. But Dean, I had kept loving you all along and maybe by some, heaven’s grace—”

“Jack’s grace.”

“Who’s Jack?”

“God. Well, new God. Jack had been living with us…its a long story for another time.”

“Yeah so, by Jack’s grace, maybe it's my second chance at being with you. Loving you.” Dean’s breath hitched at her words, “Your hands are tough, but they are where mine belong.”

So he walked up to her, and pulled her into a loving kiss. It was soft, eager and…just like old times.

They separated but their foreheads touched as they panted for air. “Second chance?” Dean asked

Y/N nodded, “Second chance.”

He smiled, “This time I'll leave no stones unturned to make this work. Because Y/N, sweetheart, you are worth everything.”

Oh boy, I'm kinda rusty XD

Let me know your thoughts! Comments are highly appreciated!

[shehungthemoon]

Just dumping my Ina Paha thoughts here. 🙃

First of all I did NOT know it was the 100th episode going into this, so i was very confused watching the montage at the end lol

I also had to click out and make sure I didn't click the wrong episode when the Pilot started playing at the beginning. When I heard Danny's voice on the phone instead of Hesse's I swear I got whiplash

It's filmed so well (bar where they reshot the pilot where Steve gets Danny on the phone instead of a dead dad, in which they literally forgot to put the same filter over the scene to make the stitching coherent) and I absolutely love the camera work they did with the white-room and the video projections. It felt very much a level above normal network television cinematography, especially the parts where Steve's going in and out of the hallucinations.

Steve finally FINALLY killing Wo-Fat was so cathartic, it should have happened ages ago but I'm willing to look past all the dumb ways he survived just to allow this incredible ending to his story.

Ina Paha gave me Kono doing... this. I owe Grace Park my whole life. Pls costuming department put her in hot pink again 💗

yes, it was a Steve episode. but Danny REALLY shone, first as the only resident Actual Detective figuring out what happened to Steve by the tire-tracks, rampaging through the compound steadily and efficiently and knocking people off without a pause, and then in Steve's mind shooting Hesse's kneecaps off?!?!?! That was CRAZY and probably not suppose to be as hot as it was and definitely made me want an ex-mobster AU immediately. Basically I have a competency kink and really like badass!danny shit 😊

Seeing Chin's long hair again made me swoon

My jaw dropped when I saw Jenna! I think it's really interesting that Steve still thinks of her so much, and I was surprised that she showed up in both the actual dreams and the montage. I definitely underestimated how much she impacted Steve's life, it seems, and I hate that we'll never hear him address that and we'll only know about it inadvertently like this.

(hand over the heart for how lori got like. one team shot. poor girlie.)

⭐I took the montage at the end as being flashbacks and memories that Steve was having as he left the compound. Looking at it through that lens certainly makes one unwell.

Obligatory squeal for Adam appearing just to save the day :))) look below to see the love of my life! :)))))) ⬇⬇⬇

Of course, the obligatory mcdanno bullet(s). It writes itself! The way Danny said Steve's name so small and broken when he found him. The way they look at each other on the ground, the pain their faces. I need an official apology statement from Scott and Alex for it. Can we talk about what flashes by during the montage at the end? (IMO it being Steve's memories.) So much Danny.

The first thing is Danny and Steve's first meeting. Jfc. The showrunners milk it SO MUCH and who's complaining

The big, rocking hug. The hands clasping underground. Gracie of course. And then Danny collapsing from the bioweapon, which to be honest I was NOT expecting to see at all--it felt like a genuinely strange choice to include in there and it really ONLY makes sense if you go along with all that being what Steve's remembering. Even then, I was surprised to see it, so basically this is Hawaii Five-Oh making mcdanno gayer than even I was wanting them to be. Steve still thinks about that? From so long ago? Even with so many other close calls in between then and now? Good fucking lord ok then loverboy that's WILD. Canon accepted ig this show is just pure whump.

Danny goes through all of this just days after losing his brother and killing Reyes. JFC can we please address that. I need a 30k introspection fic to let me into this man's mind rn.

The Wo Fat v.s. Steve fight at the end was INCREDIBLE. I would love to give the choreographer's hand a shake, it's some of the best work I've seen on television in a long time. It was impressive for a procedural like this. It was long and physical and you truly didn't know what the outcome was going to be; it everything that their built-up relationship deserved for a conclusion. It also happening with a Steve coming off of hours of torture and drugging was crazy (guess we finally know who would win a PVP if they were both at full strength!). That being said I was really impressed with Wo Fat's capabilities and physical prowess, I was not expecting it to be so even and close to the line. I actually jumped when Steve LIFTED him up into the lighting fixture. We do not talk about Steve's (Alex's???) raw upper-body strength enough.

Anyway. Electricity in the water play. The physicality hell that this gif below is ⬇. Fire extinguishers and loaded needles. Crazy martial arts. Chair and buckets (holy shit did y'all see the force with which Wo Fat SHOT that bucket?????) flying. All's fair. I loved it.

The shot going right through the forehead, clean. I don't know how to put into words why that's so monumental to me but it is.

The mystery bad lady was SO intriguing, I wish we got more from her... How does she know Wo Fat? Why was she entrusted with all that information on him and Steve and especially Doris? Absolutely where did she come from, what was her name? Why did I have a huge huge hot crush on her? All important questions. (Goes to show that h50 CAN give us some more genuine badass, not just there to date someone women characters, just explicitly choose not to. I'm holding out for Ellie to remain platonic so hard right now.)

Almost forgot Danny in that black Hawaiian shirt. Will be whimpering over that image forever. The whole episode I was trying to focus on the underlining betrayal mystery they were laying out but every time my brain started working too hard Scott with his stupid waist and those flower patterns just started flashing into my head

Again, are you seeing this:

I'm unwell and so so happy.

H50 you're a gem when you want to be.

[heiayen]

to think that we could stay the same lumine x gn!reader

summary: “Whatever it will fix? Will it fix the world around us?” You made a wide gesture around yourself, at the world you learned to love and enjoy that now was ruins, and then you pointed at yourself, “Will it fix us?” of foolish love and apologies, of ruined world and warmth that will never come back.

tags: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, hurt/no comfort, reader dies but the scene isn't detailed, this is... kind of abyss!lumine but to be perfectly fair, this fic is also very canon divergence.

notes: jfc shoutout to @kopidense who is the one and only reason this fic exists!! okayy sooo this! is for secret santa event for @mafuyuslover!! it was absolutely a pleasure to write and once again massive thanks to kopi!! i kinda went in different direction than yours but... the end is the same. silly. this fic just took my soul i fear. anyways. happy holidays i come with angst.

"...why are you crying?"

Gaze into the abyss for too long, and it will gaze back. That’s what you learned, after spending centuries hunting her. Searching every nook and cranny, letting your mind be corrupted with desperation and despair, grabbing the dark, clawed hand reaching you from the abyss. 

Hunting.

When did your adoration for her turn into the need to bring her down? To bring her to her knees, to yell out all your sadness and longing for something, that will never come back. For the days full of light and warmth, with Lumine holding your hand, fingers intertwined, Aether looking at you two with a smile, still alive– 

You looked at her. Once, you would whisper poetry into her lips, of your never-ending love for her, your hopes of always staying together because, oh, so much you defeated together, surely there was nothing that could ever separate you. 

Nothing could. You foolishly believed in it, and yet were proven wrong.

"There you are..." You gritted your teeth, looking at the woman you once loved. Maybe you still did. A part of you did, drowned by the grief of losing her. "I've been looking for you for so long..."

Lumine raised her chin, her steel gaze meeting yours. A little broken, tears threatening to spill out, lips twisting into something akin to a frown.

"You didn't answer my question." 

And yet nothing seemed to match her gaze. Not the gentleness of her voice, causing goosebumps on your skin. How you missed her voice, how you missed hearing it, the softness directed at you and only you. 

In Lumine’s hand, a sword materialized. The same she used to put down every enemy daring to attack you, to raise its own weapons at you. None of them had the time to react before meeting the sharp blade of a lover.

And yet this time, her fingers barely gripped her sword. 

You materialized your own, gripping it tight. 

“[Name],” she repeated, her voice losing its softness and gaining cold in its place. 

You really didn’t want to cry. Not in front of her. 

"I am not." Yet your voice broke and you felt first tears drop from your eyes into your cheeks. 

Her eyes softened.

She approached you slowly and you couldn’t help but just let her, despite everything screaming at you to move away, no, don’t let her get any closer–

She reached out her free hand to cup your cheek, but she froze mid-air. Her eyes looked all over your face, looking for anything– something telling her what to do, and you only continued looking at her.

Her thumb swiped at your cheek, meeting a lone tear falling from your eyelashes.

“I didn’t mean for it to end… like this,” Lumine said softly, her palm gently cradling your cheek, her eyelids dropping slightly, tiredness evident in her features, now that the stern mask she wore on her face broke down even further. “I’m sorry.”

Something also broke down in you.

“Sorry?” you breathed out, eyes widening in sudden anger, “You’re sorry? After leaving me completely alone, for centuries and centuries, and the most you say is… sorry? You can only apologize as if it would change anything?”

(Something else screamed in you, wanting to throw yourself into her arms, cry into her shoulder, and act as if everything was fine again. To ignore the blade in her hand, sharp as always.)

She stifled a gasp and moved her hand away as if burned, eyes wide at your words. She took a step back and let her hand fall to her side. She opened her mouth to speak, but you were faster.

“What will an apology do, Lumine?” you asked her, forcing your voice to sound stern, blinking the tears away, not wanting to show any more weakness.

She didn’t answer. 

“Whatever it will fix? Will it fix the world around us?” You made a wide gesture around yourself, at the world you learned to love and enjoy that now was ruins, and then you pointed at yourself, “Will it fix us?”

Her eyes were now wide, brows furrowed and lips twisted, the mask broken completely. 

Was she finally feeling the centuries-old sadness that you lived with for the past years? 

(Could she? Though Lumine lived for millennials, you were sure, could she feel even the tiniest drop of your sadness? Could she?)

“Answer me.”

That seemed to throw her out of whatever state of shock she was in and she took a deep breath, looking down.

She stepped back.

“...I had my reasons.”

“Reasons?!” You burst out, in complete disbelief that something like having reasons could be an acceptable excuse for all the pain that her absence caused, “Fuck your reasons, Lumine! Whatever could be possibly–”

“I had hoped that the next time we met, it would be in a better place, with no need to bring out our weapons,” she said quietly and you wanted to laugh, “Where I would tell you of my journey and why I made all these choices. And none of them was easy.”

When she looked back at you, there was– something in her eyes– newfound intensity and hurt underneath it. It hurt to look at her, sudden fear climbing its way to your mind.

She gripped her sword tighter and now it was your turn to step back, raise your weapon higher.  

“I never wanted to end it like this,” her tone was sincere, you could easily tell, yet you found it hard to believe.

“If you never wanted it to end like this, then… gods!” you yelled in frustration, “Why couldn’t you just do something else?! Was leaving me and this world to ruin the only possible choice?”

“I never told you, because I knew you wouldn’t understand my choices, not until you would see the truth of this world for yourself,” Lumine said, her voice loud and harsh to your ears.

“What truth? Of what world” you interrupted her, ”The one that your very hand led to ruin?” 

And that seemed to take her aback for a moment, lips parting and closing before she spoke again.

“...I’m sorry, [name].” She raised her sword, as if ready to lunge at you.

You blinked.

“You’re going to what, kill me?” you barked out, a smile of disbelief tugging at your lips. But silence was the only reply you got, and a terrible realization started to settle in.

“...you’re going to kill me.” 

There was only silence.

With her first move, your fate was sealed and her blade meet your own.

(It was only when your cold body was lying in the pool of your blood, completely lifeless, Lumine allowed herself to cry for you, not for the first time in the past centuries and certainly not the last.)

taglist: @ryuryuryuyurboat

[thatdeadaquarius]

Reader that can emit sounds from their memory(like as an aura)

Walk into a room? Why do I hear boss music

Comedic timing? Fuck yeah.

Bored? Jumpscare noise.

Zhongli talking? Jeopardy theme.

Someone is annoying? Earrape.

Think about it!

Hello! I’m the 12th Harbinger, aka as CHIL- bitch shut the fuck up, WHATS UP ITS YA BOY AQUARIUSSS- /ref

lmao imagine you walking into a room like this in teyvat, with like that audio I SAVE BY GIVING IT CPR- TIGHT AS VIRGIN BOY DONT GET NERVOUS-

(also ill stop apologizing for the late replies to these, bc as we all know by now that im slow and u will get answered eventually i promise tumblr most likely didnt delete u guys asks im just hoarding them LMAO)

I’ve been super busy running in circles so sorry about ghosting! I still very much enjoy and love u guys and love seeing you guys enjoy my stuff :’) 

Still cant believe that, but thank you!

JEOPARDY THEME MUSIC WHEN ZHONGLI TALKS

HE’D BE SO CONFUSED

THINKIN HE GOT AN ANCIENT CURSE HE DOESNT KNOW ABT PUT ON HIM OR SMTH BC HE’S ALWAYS BEING STALKED BY THIS SONG-

(tbh unless the person is super observant I dont think most ppl would get that it’s YOU causing this chaos lmao)

◇

Like I can see Zhongli eventually getting it lol, other ppl I could see after the first few weeks of interacting with you (esp bc you mix it up, honestly it was only bc u kept playing the jeopardy theme over and over when Zhongli ranted on too long that he got it was you 💀):

Heizou (he’s the best detective on all of Inazuma’s islands, ofc he got it! no he will not acknowledge that he totally thought you were hiding a very musical tanuki somewhere on your person at all times lol)

◇

Alhaitham and Cyno (haitham took like, two hours of walking around town with you and knew, bc he’s a little know-it-all lazy bastard like that, and Cyno is actually just really aware, despite what most ppl think, he’s the General Mahamatra and not just a regular Mahamatra for a reason after all)

◇

Tighnari (i stg he can like, smell when bullshittery is happening in his vicinity …or... hear?)

◇

Venti (unsurpringly, he’s totally in love with this power of yours, i mean he definitely loves you cares about you a lot he says, but you’re starting to think he’s just lying to butter you up into pranking Diluc, Barbara, Jean, and really the entirety of Mondstadt more often  including Zhongli just so he can laugh until he’s on the ground again, also he definitely once asked you to make a dragon sound that’s the equivalent of shouting FUCK at Dvalin when he was flying overhead one day)

◇

Hmm

Hm hm hmmmm

Who elseee, i need a characcctterrr lisstttt…

Albedo (duh, he’s albedo, you think he has an entirely too thick folder dedicated to your recent obsessions, you rant a lot about it while playing and also he can access your browsing history 👀, and he somehow doesn't know that about you?? You’re like, literally one of his long-term, there-for-life, has-bought-a-house-for-free-in-his-head-you- arent-even-on-rent-anymore, hyperfixations or special interests. Autistic!Albedo is autistic, Because I Am Your God, And I Say It Is So.)

◇

Dehya (always knows when its you walking around near her bc you like to listen to your old world’s songs too often when you arent pranking bitches, she actually rlly likes it and your music tastes…)

☆

HOLY FUCK SPEED RUN BC GOD THERE’S TOO MANY BITCHES WANNA BE YOUR BABY, RIDING AROUND IN A DAMN MERCEDES-

OKAY-

SO not all in the same way or at the same time, or even the same length of time did they realize you literally change background music or some shit so I’ll let you just- you know okay- like you get it- you get it.

Xiao, Kazuha, Kaeya, Diluc, Ayato, Yae Miko, Keqing, Qiqi, Klee, Sara, Kuki, Nahida, Ningguang, Rosaria, Scaramouche/Babygirl, Dainsleif, Kokomi, Xinyan, Yun Jin, Yelan. 

Jfc got the whole damn pride flag up here

Anyway everybody else outta luck, at least takes em a month or longer to get it lol

♡

Sorry abt the end there i didnt feel like writing out all those bitches bc the few I did before were already longer than I thought they’d be…

Also, I am posting these spam of drafts (and that old follower 100+ event possession headcanons in prep for the next 2 weeks bc I will be really busy, again :/

Got spring break shenanigans this week, then I’ll be running around like a cat with zoomies bc im getting ready to install/actually submit my artworks for the gallery exhibition! 

…wish me luck or prayers or anything good from any god you believe in, I need the strength. 

With love, safe travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[bigdumbbambieyes]

i have been nothing but kind for the last 2 years and kept myself out of drama and posted my writing but the one time i speak my mind, you tell me to have more empathy and that i should respect boundaries (that i am respecting btw).

holy moly.

i’m not out here telling y’all to make contact with your abusers or people who have wronged you. i would never tell anyone that and yet you’re acting like i did. all i vented about was how unfair it was to have a public blog that excluded certain people from its positivity, and that when i tried to respectfully voice my concerns, i was blocked. there was no further contact other than a long post about me where my head was bitten clean off and things were blown out of proportion.

and now i’m being told to be better when i’ve actively been kind and empathetic to everyone i’ve interacted with here bc it’s what i value and prioritize. y’all really don’t know me enough to be saying all this shit.

i’m not calling anyone names (but apparently it’s okay to call me a bitch) and i was in no way trying to downplay the positivity that the blog has shared or the joy it’s created, i was just venting. and y’all took it as a personal attack? jfc.

if you want to shut the blog down, that’s your call, as it’s yours. i don’t think my opinion on things should matter so much as to ruin the enjoyment for others bc 1) i really shouldn’t matter to you bc we don’t know each other and 2) that’s not fair to everyone else, but if that’s what you wanna do? i guess?

idk.

i genuinely, with my entire heart, wish you all nothing but love and healing bc that’s what you deserve.

[blueberrybladelemonade]

Confessions in the Dark

Summary: The Noise and Noisette have had enough of you and Peppino constantly dancing around the fact you both like each other. It's so obvious and you both are idiots. 

They have an idea though, they'll invite you both to the get together they're having. Everyone will be there and maybe that'll be the push you guys need. 

If not, there's option B. Or C.

Contents: The trope of "these two idiots like each other but won't ask each other out", Mutual denying of crushes, Feelings get crushed due to this, Swearing, Noise being rude, Semi angst to fluff, JFC can you both get together already?!, Somewhat suggestive but nothing nsft.

The Noise lets out a groan, "Look at those dumbasses." he gestures across the room at the counter. You had been here for half an hour now, the food you ordered being eaten long ago. Instead you were currently sitting at the counter carrying a conversation with Peppino. 

"It's so obvious they're into each other." Noisette agreed, shoving the remaining bit of crust into her mouth. "Arghe gohna ebr conbess"?

"Babe, chew with your mouth closed". 

The pair continued observing your interactions. It was pathetic, to be completely honest. If they got here before you did, they'd both notice Peppino glancing at the door, unusually attentive, if it was on a day you'd stop by. You'd alway come in on Wednesdays and Fridays. Any other time Peppino would barely look up from his work to see who entered.  

Noisette took a sip of her soda, finally finishing with her food.

"Are they ever gonna confess"?

It was telling enough that you would stop by and simply linger this long. It definitely wasn't because of, in Noise's opinion, the sub par pizza. Some days you'd just order a damn drink and sit at the counter, engrossed in what ever conversations you had with the man.

"Pft. Y/N probably still has that letter, or threw it out. And him," Noise points over at Peppino, "Won't ever make a move on Y/N. They're both fucking idiots. What they need is someone to confess for them".

Huh.

That was an idea. Noise sat up, it was time to go. "Come on babe, I have an idea that they'll thank me for". Noise slid out of the booth with Noisette excitedly following after him.

* * * Wednesday 6:34 p.m.

"We can always just go with option C then." The Noise shrugs. 

"What if they just freeze to death instead?" Noisette asks. "And how are we going to lock them in the freezer there"?

"That's option B," he snaps. "Option C is where we'll just walk up to the counter when Y/N is there and just confess for them".

"Shouldn't we try the less drastic options first"?

Noise ignored her, obviously if this plan didn't work, locking the two of you in a freezer where you'd have to hold each other to stay warm was not that drastic. 

"So why was option D a thing?" Noisette asks, writing in her notepad, "That will definitely kill them". 

He drags a hand down his face with a groan. "No shit. Option D is for 'Die' because if...No! We're not discussing that option. Not unless our other plans fail".

Noisette scribbles something else down before pursing her lips in thought. "So for option B do we need rope or handcuffs? Also I thi-" 

"Let's just focus on this plan." 

* * *Wednesday 7:15 p.m.

You had finished texting Noisette and set your phone to the side, a small grin forming on your face. Maybe leaving the house would be a good thing. This get together was on Saturday, which was perfect since you didn't have to work. 

What could go wrong, honestly? You pause before knocking on the wooden table you were seated at, remembering the old superstition. Just in case. A sheet of paper drifts away, you grab it before it floats to the floor. The smile on your face disappears as you aimlessly scan the words you had written.

You make a face and cringe. How did you even manage to write some of this? 

You'd write confession after confession. Hands shaking and your face usually staying a shade of red during the entirety of you writing. 

After finishing another letter, you'd slip it into an envelope and seal it. 

Then, predictably, you'd come back and shove it into your dresser. With the other dozen or so you failed to give to Peppino. This was just another failed letter for the failure you call your romantic life. You don't even have a romantic life, you remind yourself. 

Granted, you felt like you were being dramatic about the entire situation. Why was it so damn hard to write and give him a "I really like you" or "would you like to go out?" letter? You were more terrified of telling Peppino in person, so instead you opted to write your feelings out. Unfortunately you still were struggling. 

Numerous times you wrote everything down you liked about him; how he made you laugh, how you enjoyed the times you hung out, how handsome he wa- You faceplant into the table to stop thinking about it, face heating up. 

It sounded like an easy solution, just give him the letter. The real reason you were struggling was because you were afraid of him rejecting you. You sit with your face buried in your arms, as your thoughts turn dark. Why can't I do things like normal people? Normal people can just confess and be done with it.

In your case, you just know getting rejected would fill you with shame. Peppino liked you but you doubt he'd want date you. He liked you as a friend. You feel a sharp twinge in your chest. 

If you had any obvious signs he liked you more than that, you'd feel more confident but it's not like that'll happen. Too bad there wasn't a big glowing sign that would give you the answer. 

You didn't want to pretend you didn't like Peppino -in fact you kind of hated pretending and denying it- but when he rejects you? How would you have to act afterwards? Like nothing happened? More than likely you'd probably stop going to the pizzeria, it'd be too awkward otherwise. And it'd also hurt if you did visit. And it'd also be awkward.  

You shake your head, not wanting to dwell on it anymore. At least for this get together you'd get to see him. Maybe you'd get a chance to confess then. 

*** Friday 2:12 p.m.

Noise clears his throat, again, attempting to get Peppino to acknowledge him. Peppino ignores the smaller man as he adds cheese to a pizza, never even looking in Noise's direction. Instead he continues talking with you, asking if you'd like to watch a movie next week. You smile and say yes, eyes lighting up as Peppino explains it's an italian classic. He watches Noise still in his peripheral. Maybe if he's lucky he'll get bored and go away.

Noise rolls his eyes, with a "tch" before propping his elbows up, resting his head in his hands. He cracks a smirk. 

"Hey buddy, can you take my order instead of oogling your lover all day"?

You snap straight up.

Peppino whips around, eyes wide. 

"Excuse me but what the fuck?" you blurt out a bit too quickly. The food you had taken a bite of goes down the wrong way, sending you into a coughing fit.

"Merda! Look-a what you did!" Peppino snaps, "Y/N are you ok?" 

You wave your hand, " 'm fine" you gasp, grabbing a napkin as another coughing fit starts. Your shudder as you cough again, downing a sip of your drink. Noise shrugs as Peppino glares at him. After another moment you let out a shuddering breath. "I'm fine, thanks". 

Just as Peppino's about to yell at him Noisette pops up beside you. 

"Heya Y/N! Sorry Peppino I'm borrowing this!" You're cut off as Noisette grabs your arm and yanks you from your chair. Peppino watches as you grimace, sending him a "what can you do" shrug, as you let her pull you into a booth. 

For a time he'd watch you sit, happily chatting with Noisette. He watches as you look confused for a moment before you start shaking your head, as if saying no. As you continue chatting he watches as you suddenly lean closer to Noisette, a smile spreading across her face.  

The Noise hops up into the chair you had been sitting at. Now replaced by this menace. Peppino grumbles as he adds on the remaining toppings. "What do you want"?

"We're having a get together Saturday. Show up." He replies curtly. "And three orders of garlic knots". 

"Why-a would I"?

"Because Y/N is going".

"And"?

Noise leans in "I know you like them. This is your chance to tell Y/N. Or should I tell Y/N for you?" He begins to move off the seat "Actually, I'll just do it now..."

"No!" he yells, catching Noisette's and your attention. You both stare, waiting for a fight to break out. After a pause you determined an intervention wasn't needed, instead you return to your conversation with Noisette.

Noise remains standing, shooting Peppino an annoyed look. "Saturday. 7 p.m. At the lakefront".

Shortly after Noise and Noisette leave, you come back up to the counter. You thank Peppino for the pizza and tell him to have a good rest of the day. Peppino heaves a deep sigh as the door closes behind you. 

*** Friday 11:38 p.m.

Peppino lays in bed staring up into the darkness, replaying that moment from earlier. 

It had been months now, when the realization hit him. He adored you. Your smile, your looks, how nice you were, how you brightened his day. He hadn't noticed how much he looked forward to your visits at first, but they had become the highlight of his day. 

At some point he had memorized what you ordered. This lead to him always preparing a fresh pizza with your favorite toppings, ready for you when you'd come in. Gustavo had teased Peppino on a few occasions regarding his attentiveness to you, which would fluster him immensely. 

That changed when the realization dawned on him. He'd have the occasional daydream (that was more often than he'd admit), but he tried to wave them off. 

Sometimes Peppino had thought about asking you to hang out, either to see a movie or a even a simple outing. He thought of buying flowers for those days and giving them to you, watching as your eyes light up from the gesture. He'd imagine how the day would play out and how it might go. And by the end of the night he'd take your hands and ask you to be his. 

He'd imagine how nice it must be, to be your boyfriend. 

That memory from earlier resurfaced again. Your reaction when the Noise called you lovers. For a split second he felt his heart flutter. Your reaction and look of disgust promptly crushed those feelings. 

It was purely delusional to think you'd ever be interested in him. Peppino wasn't exactly what you could call "boyfriend material". 

On the surface, he could just look in the mirror and point out a laundry list of flaws. The top ones being; Middle aged. While not a flaw in itself, this paired with his other issues only amplified them. Fat. He wasn't really sure when or how but he had developed a gut. Balding. The hair he used to have and took for granted all but thinned and gone. 

Then if you were to dig deeper you would find; PTSD. Anxiety ridden. Short temper. And also sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night from night terrors. Mentally, Peppino felt broken. Even if you could tolerate him for a bit, you would get worn down eventually. Hell, even he was worn down by it. You didn't deserve to be burdened as well. 

You would never be interested in someone like him.

The best option was to simply treat you as any other customer. Peppino shut his eyes, nodding to himself. He couldn't keep holding on to a foolish daydream. What he needed to do was distance himself, then could move on and not have that sinking feeling like earlier with your comment. He'd have to come up with an excuse to cancel those plans next week too. 

It would be difficult for a bit but he knew he had to be realistic. The first steps were always the hardest.

 

*** Saturday 2:19 p.m.

"Sure".

You stare at Peppino, confused. Usually he'd be much more talkative. He barely even glanced up from the dough he had been kneading. 

"Are you going to meet up with everyone later"?

"I'ma busy tonight. Saturday's are one of our busier days"

"Ah." You're lost on what else to say, unable to keep from feeling disappointment. While this was true, you thought Gustavo was going to take over for the last few hours tonight. Maybe he doesn't want to be around the Noise? Which is fair enough, but there would be others there too, and not just him. 

You shift in your seat awkwardly. Some days Peppino had been busy and couldn't talk, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence like today. You wonder if something's bothering him. 

You pull out your phone to text Noisette. After pressing send you tell Peppino to have a good day as you move to leave. He nods, giving a short "You too." As he pulls a pizza from of the oven.

***Saturday 5:04 p.m.

At an instant the Noise had lunged at Peppino, grabbing the front of his shirt. "Listen here fatass, you better not bail out tonight or you're gonna play hide and seek with a fucking pipebomb." the Noise threatens, glaring up at  Peppino. 

He rolls his eyes in reply, wiping the flour onto his pants. "I already-a said I'ma going. Quit asking".

The Noise eyes him for a moment before letting go.

"You better close up soon then." he threatens, composing himself before heading out the door. Peppino sighs. He really wasn't in the mood. All he wanted to do was to just close, clean, and go home. He didn't feel like being around you especially, it already hurt to blow you off while he was working. Although with the others there, Peppino could use that as a means to avoid you. 

He steps into the backroom where Gustavo was restocking the shelves. 

"Gustavo help-a me close so we can go get ready". 

"Ready for what?"

Peppino stares confused at him. "The 'get together' tonight? The one the Noise and his girlfriend came in and invited us to yesterday"?

Gustavo shrugs. "First I've heard of it. Why don't you just go now? I can keep the restaurant open so we don't have to close early." he added.

Well that's weird. Why didn't they invite Gustavo? "Are you sure"?

"Yep. Go have fun. Brick and I will clean up too."

Peppino paused on his way out, turning around "Don't forget-"

"We'll make sure Bruno stays out of the trash. And the shrimp". 

"Grazie".

Gustavo waits until he hears Peppino's footsteps grow fainter. As he hears the door shut Gustavo takes his phone out of his pocket and searches through his contacts. Finding "Noisette" he begins tapping out a message;

"Peppino just left. Good luck" and presses send. 

Mio dios if this didn't work, Gustavo was on board with Option B. He'd even supply a blanket. 

*** Saturday 7:04 p.m.

You fidget idly with the napkin in your lap. As of right now, no one else had shown up so it was just you, Noise, and Noisette. You desperately pray that it's not just going to be you and the psychotic duo tonight. 

"Where is-a everyone?" the familiar voice makes you jump. You turn and see Peppino standing off to the side. 

The Noise shrugs "No one else showed".

You stare at Peppino as he slides into the booth beside you. He wasn't in his work clothes or even the casual ones when you hung out. You stare, admiring how nice he looked in the button up shirt. 

Your eyes widen slightly, realizing he had been staring back at you. You smile softly at him and he responds with one of his own. 

"Yay! Double date!" Noisette claps her hands, you both recoil. 

"We're not-a dating!" Peppino snaps, sliding a few inches away from you. 

"Don't be ridiculous!" You had a sinking feeling this was going to happen all night.

Noise's expression changes as he glowers at you both. "Ok I'm fucking over this!" Noise snarls. "Go make out, get a room, and go do...what ever you freaks are into. I'll even give you the handcu-" 

He was caught short as you splashed your water into his face, Noise yelping in surprise.

All eyes were on you. What could go wrong tonight? A lot. You feel the blood rush to your face, you sink into the booth feeling Peppino's gaze on you. He was offended no doubt. 

Noisette cleared her throat, drawing Peppino and your's attention to him. She had a notepad open and began reading out of it. 

"Y/N, you told me yesterday that you thought Peppino was cute but "don't ever repeat that".

Cute? Peppino had been called many things throughout the years. Cute was not one of them.

"And I know you have...how many confession letters? Like a dozen? You wrote but never gave to him." She continues, pointing to Peppino. 

You sat there, too shocked to argue. You opened your mouth but no sound came out aside from a pitiful whine. You forgot she knew about the confession dresser. 

Noisette directed her attention to Peppino now. "I found this..." In a quick motion, she sets a crumpled piece of paper onto the table and pushes it in front of you. It had your name written down, you recognized the handwriting immediately as Peppino's. Under your name was smaller writing:

Y/N

Mia Cara

Will you be mine?

"Also you admitted last week, with Gustavo as a witness, that you would like to ask Y/N out but you think "They'd have no interest in someone like you". 

You gasp you turned fully to stare at him, "Why would you thi-"

"Well guess what?! It's your lucky day! You both want to be together! Yay! Go make out like Noisy said"!

You both remained silent. 

"Yeah we're done here." Noise interjects, the scowl never leaving his face. "If you both needed your big ass glowing sign...there you go"!

Noise grumbles, tossing the soaked napkins down before pushing out from his seat. Noisette moves out of the booth to follow suit, she turns back around one last time, smiling and sending you a thumbs up, before catching up to Noise. 

"Well..." You trail off. "Uh...would you mind taking me home? Noisette was kinda my ride".

"Si..."

* * * Saturday 7:53 p.m.

Peppino had walked you up to your home, watching as you unlock the door. Neither of you said anything to the other the entire way home.

Now you both stared at each other for what felt like hours. You were home, you could go in now. Instead your feet remained rooted in place, until you said something just above a whisper. 

"I don't want to pretend anymore."  Your eyes flick to the ground for a moment before sucking in a breath. "I really like you." you say, "And I do think your cute, handsome even, and I love when we hang out. So maybe we-"

You were cut off as he kissed you. Everything had melted away except the warm caress of his lips against yours. His scent was familiar but at the same time new. Enticing. 

Peppino drew back with a shaky breath, face flushed. Your eyes meet his as if searching for something. The next moment you grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him back in for another kiss. You tug him through the door into your home. Peppino wraps an arm around your waist holding you securely against him. With his free hand he cups your face, thumb gently stroking your cheek. 

You clasp a hand against the back of his neck, pressing your other hand against his chest. In response he deepens the kiss, tangling his hand into your hair. You find yourself pinned between Peppino and the wall. The kiss had started slowly as if to savor this moment, then you feel his tongue gently graze your lips. This kiss was everything you both had wanted to say. "I want you. Will you be mine? I need you in my life" it was intoxicating. Every touch against each other compensating for all the times you didn't just reach out.  

You lean into him, feeling your heart racing and his as well. Both your hands clasped against his neck for support as your legs grew weak. His hands trail down your sides before firmly holding your hips.

He pulls you away from the wall, carefully moving you both back towards the couch. You feel yourself lean back into the cushions as  Peppino pulls away. The only sound was your shallow breaths and the feeling the heat radiating from each other. You feel him gently pressing his weight on you, his gaze softening as he came back down, lips once again meeting yours with his hands finding yours as you weave your fingers together. 

Now that you knew what you'd been missing, you had a lot of catching up to do. 

Sorry this took so long to post lol. I lost progress on this twice when my draft didn't save. 💀

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Hot Chocolate, Ice Skates, and Prince Charming

Heya! I’ve just been quietly reading and rereading all your Roman angst and I hope you’re not tired of writing it because I have an idea 😅 How about some christmas Roman angst? I can’t think of anything specific but there’s that XD Keep up the writing and don’t feel pressured to post the fic on Christmas or to even take the request ❤️- lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie

Hello hello! :) Absolutely adore your work, and I hope you're having a wonderful holiday! I have come with a request for whenever you're up to it. If you would, it would be amazing to see your take on a Christmas-y themed fic with a focus on disabled Virgil. I had a hankering for Hallmark styled Christmas movies lately and I was just thinking about how fun it would be in your style. Hope that's ok! – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: some ableist language

Pairings: prinxiety (i am ashamed at how long it took me to fucking remember what their ship name is jfc)

Word Count: 10,080

At some point, Virgil will work out the exact science of how much to say 'yes' to friends who desperately want to do holiday-spirit-festive-stuff because they're his friends and he loves being there to watch them love things, but he also does not enjoy dying of either pain or sensory overload. This year doesn't look to be one of those years where he does better than others, though, if being surrounded by screaming children and off-key grainy speakers belting Mariah Carey for the past Too Fucking Long is any indication. He ducks his head to avoid yet another flying something-or-other as he huddles in on himself, making sure his cane doesn't get knocked over for the fourth time in as many minutes. "Excuse me?" He turns, half expecting someone selling cotton candy or those little memorabilia keychains, and— Oh. Hello. *** Virgil, fed up with the holiday spirit, meets Roman, a man who seems far too good to be true for such an auspicious time of year. From apology hot chocolate to late-night Christmas lights, maybe this year the magic will linger just a little bit longer.

 

At some point, Virgil will work out the exact science of how much to say 'yes' to friends who desperately want to do holiday-spirit-festive-stuff because they're his friends and he loves being there to watch them love things, but he also does not enjoy dying of either pain or sensory overload. This year doesn't look to be one of those years where he does better than others, though, if being surrounded by screaming children and off-key grainy speakers belting Mariah Carey for the past Too Fucking Long is any indication. He ducks his head to avoid yet another flying something-or-other as he huddles in on himself, making sure his cane doesn't get knocked over for the fourth time in as many minutes.

May your days be merry and bright indeed.

He sighs, squinting fruitlessly through the crowd to maybe catch sight of one of his friends' coats or something, before realizing that there's absolutely no way he's going to be able to do that when he can't even see the skating rink over the crowd gathered around the outside. And sure, he could stand, but is he going to? No. So he may as well just continue sitting here until one of them remembers that yeah, he's here too, and wades through the horde to his little bench oasis.

"Excuse me?"

He turns, half expecting someone selling cotton candy or those little memorabilia keychains, and—

Oh.

Hello.

"Sorry," the actual fucking model in front of him says, smiling sheepishly, "is the other half of this bench taken?"

"No," Virgil says way too quickly, but can you fucking blame him? The prettiest human that's ever existed just asked if he could sit down next to him. "Bench, uh—bench is very much not taken, you can—you can sit."

"Thanks."

Well, this might have backfired, because now very-pretty-attractive person is sitting right next to Virgil. And he definitely knows how to deal with this. Yeah, this is fine. This is totally fine. He just has to not keep sneaking glances at his perfectly coiffed hair…or his jawline…or the freckle right on the end of his nose…

"Is there something on my face?"

Shit. Fuck. "No, no, you're fine—" really fucking fine, dude— "sorry, I, uh, didn't mean to stare."

He chuckles. Not fair. Not fair at all. "It's okay, honey, no harm done."

Abort fucking mission, abort fucking mission, Very Pretty Person just called me a pet name, shit fuck holy shit what the fuck am I supposed to do?

He's spared the humiliation of verbal floundering when he chuckles again and holds out his hand. "Roman."

"Virgil." Please God, I hope my hand isn't too sweaty. "Nice, uh, nice to meet you."

"Likewise." Roman nods his chin toward the skating rink. "Taking a break?"

"Oh, I, uh, I'm not really big into ice skating."

"You've dragged yourself all the way to the madhouse and you're not going inside?"

"My friends," he says lamely, waving toward the entrance, "they really wanted to come, so I tagged along."

Roman hums, tilting his head. "Not very nice of them to leave you behind, is it?"

Shut up, he hisses at his heart which starts to pulse threateningly towards his throat, it's fine. This is fine. "It's fine. I don't really mind."

"Yes, being surrounded by extremely loud children and sitting right underneath a speaker," Roman says skeptically, "I'm sure."

"Well, I—uh—"

Roman sighs. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude. It's none of my business, I know."

It totally could be your business though. Like, I would have exactly zero problems if you decided it was your business.

"I'll go with you if you want."

Virgil shakes himself out of his thoughts in time to see Roman smiling softly at him and he needs to figure out what the fuck he just said real fast before he gets lost in it. "Sorry, what?"

"If you want to go skate," Roman repeats, "I know it's hard if you're by yourself, especially in a crowd this big, so I'd be happy to come with if you wanted."

His heart sinks and the cane at his side grows a little colder. He forces himself to smile and shakes his head. "Sorry, I, uh, really am not into skating."

"Come on," Roman coaxes, holding his hand out, "I promise I'll be nice."

This is torture. This is literal actual torture and Virgil is about to sink into this fucking bench because the most attractive person he's ever fucking laid eyes on is asking him to skate and he can't and he's going to have to say no and then Roman might leave and they won't get a chance to talk anymore or he'll find out why Virgil doesn't want to skate and then it might turn out that he's not actually as sweet and charming as he's acting right now and—

Virgil's eyes slide to his cane and back up to Roman's. Roman follows his gaze, a cute little wrinkle between his brows, before his eyes widen in realization and his mouth drops open.

"O-oh," he stammers, "sorry, I thought—I didn't—"

"It's fine," Virgil mutters, picking up his cane and hunching over it.

"There's—well, I suppose there's no coming back from that." Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Roman's cheeks turn a little pinker—so cute—and scratch the back of his head. "Can I buy you a hot chocolate to make up for it?"

Virgil's head snaps around. He stares at Roman. "What?"

"As an apology. I'll even make sure they put extra whipped cream on it."

He vaguely hears himself say something about sprinkles and then Roman's grinning again and sliding from the bench and vanishing into the crowd. Part of Virgil wants to immediately get up and run after him, but his hands are still wrapped around his cane and all he can do is hope to God that Roman wasn't some hallucination or fantasy and there really is a cute guy going to but him apology hot chocolate.

Five minutes pass.

Ten.

Fifteen.

No sign of Roman.

Virgil checks his phone and sees nothing—no text messages from his friends, no alarm, nothing except the battery he really should have charged before leaving the house and he now has to use extremely sparingly. The sinking feeling in his stomach is back; maybe Roman just wanted a quick and easy exit away from the pathetic whelp with the cane, or maybe he realized that there was something better he could be doing. He wouldn't blame him, not really. He might call him an ableist asshole the next time—if they ever saw each other again, but—

"Sorry, I'm so sorry," he hears breathlessly, "the line was miles long and then they couldn't find the sprinkles."

He turns, hardly daring to believe it, when he sees a massive cup of still-steaming hot chocolate with a mountain of whipped cream and red and green sprinkles held out toward him. He pries one of his hands from his cane and takes it, looking between it and Roman with disbelief. Roman smiles at him again and nods to the cup.

"Is that enough whip-cream?"

"Yeah," Virgil says faintly, "that's—I don't think I've ever seen this much before."

"Well, you deserve it," Roman says like an asshole because now Virgil has to down like half of it in one go to prevent him from seeing how fucking red he gets at that one little comment and he nearly burns his tongue off for it. "Whoa, whoa! Slow down, no one's gonna take it away from you, don't burn your mouth!"

"Too late."

Roman just chuckles again, like he's fond, like that's something they do, and he leans back against the bench. "Suit yourself, honey."

And now he has to do it again. Honestly.

You could not pay Virgil to remember what all they talk about. He doesn't know. He's too busy memorizing the crooked half-smile Roman has when he's vaguely amused by something, or the cute wrinkle that forms when he's thinking or concerned, or the way he keeps reaching out to almost touch Virgil's shoulder before changing his mind last-minute and leaning on the bench instead. He wants to reach back for him so bad but he's trying to hold the hot chocolate and his cane at the same time. His cheeks hurt from smiling and blushing and apparently Roman is really good at saying little things to make that worse. Does he remember what they are? No, because he's not paying attention to shit like that.

They're laughing at something—again, who knows what—when Roman checks his phone and sighs.

"I'm sorry, I have to go. But it was really nice to meet you and sit with you."

"You, uh, you too."

Roman grins and stands. "Happy Holidays, Virgil," he says, and disappears into the crowd.

"You too," he says, way too late, just as he realizes that he didn't even ask for Roman's number.

He looks down at the dregs of the hot chocolate and finds himself smiling slightly.

Maybe being dragged out here wasn't the worst thing after all.

2.

He truly doesn't expect to see Roman ever again, and he may have moped around the house for a few hours upon realizing that, so it takes him by surprise when he ends up sitting in the corner of some mall as his friends go last-minute shopping and a familiar voice calls out.

"Virgil?"

He almost breaks his neck with how fast he turns around. "Roman?"

Roman grins at him, a bag over his arm, before nodding to the other chair at the table. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"Yes! I mean, no. I mean—please sit down."

"That's on me, I should've asked it in a less-annoying-to-answer way." He sets the bag on the floor and tucks his hands into his pockets. "Can I be really honest with you?"

"Sure."

"I wanted to run back to the bench the second I left because I realized I didn't ask you for your number. So, can I do that now before I forget again?"

"Yes," he says, pulling his phone out before Roman's even finished speaking, "yes, absolutely, go ahead. I wanted to do the same thing."

They exchange numbers and Virgil's in the middle of totally not putting a bunch of cute things after Roman's name because he has standards and a reputation—but come on, his last name is literally 'Prince,' what the fuck is he supposed to do?—when Roman calls his name and he looks up, surprised. Roman laughs and holds up his phone.

"Can I take a photo? For your contact?"

"Uh—um—sure?"

"Not that I'd forget what your pretty face looks like," Roman says as he takes a picture in the middle of Virgil blushing like an idiot, "but in case I want a reminder."

This. This is what he didn't remember. That Roman is apparently really good at being charming—literally Prince Charming, this is fake, this isn't real, people like Roman don't actually exist, where are the camera crews and reality show hosts?

"Alright, now that's out of the way…" Roman trails off when he notices that Virgil's still staring at the table, his cheeks bright red. "Hey, you okay?"

"I—uh—you—"

He chuckles. "Still stunnable, I see? Sorry, honey, am I being mean?"

"Okay, well, it's hard to tell how sincere you're being when you're still doing it, so—"

Roman throws his head back and laughs, holding his hands up in surrender. "Okay, you got me."

"Rude."

"You're still smiling at me, though."

"Shut up."

"Your smile is cute."

"Shut up," he mumbles again, trying to hide his face in his sleeves. Unfortunately, that means he's not balancing his cane against the table anymore and it falls to the ground with a loud clatter. A few people walking by turn to look. He goes to pick it back up only to realize Roman's already doing it, leaning it back against the table. "Oh, uh, thanks."

"Of course." He inclines his head toward some of the stores nearby. "You here by yourself?"

"No. Friends scrambling for last-minute stuff."

Roman makes a noise. "I'm not getting a fantastic impression of these friends of yours who drag you places and then leave you."

"They're not so bad, they know to pick places with easy seating so I can take breaks when I need them. Besides, they know better than to take me in certain places."

"Oh? Do tell."

"Apparently there's only so many times I can call out fancy soaps for smelling like ass before I get politely asked to leave, but—"

"Wait, wait, wait," Roman says, sitting forward with a grin, "you gotta tell me everything now, you can't just leave it there."

And so, Virgil dutifully recounts the story of the time some of his friends decided a fun way to spend the afternoon was to go into the fancy soap and other scented things shop to 'browse,' when in reality they were just going to see what the most obscure and specific scent was and mock it mercilessly. They managed to find everything from 'Bourbon-soaked Cotton' to 'Miasma,' which of course prompted Virgil to point out that they really didn't think that one through because miasma was the 'bad air' that supposedly caused things like the Black Death and you probably didn't want a candle called 'Miasma' in your house, which logically led to them all pretending to be plague doctors by wrapping up the complimentary cardboard box/bag things and holding them in front of their faces like plague doctor masks and acting like they'd discovered some new herbs to treat the nefarious diseases with.

Needless to say, they were politely asked to never come back ever again, and they definitely kept pretending to be plague doctors as they were 'escorted from the premises.'

Roman's fully collapsed back into the chair, shaking with laughter, by the time Virgil finishes telling the story. He has to stop and just look at him, because of course Prince Charming is really fucking pretty when he's laughing, and then he looks up at Virgil with that soft smile again and he can literally feel himself melting inside his hoodie.

"Well," he says through the last of the laughter, "I can see why they asked you not to come back."

"Yeah, well…" He shrugs. "Plus, if my friends actually want to get any shopping done, they decided it's best if I don't tag along so they can actually, you know, focus."

"Can't say I blame them, then. I'd be distracted by you too."

"Roman!"

"Okay, okay, I'm done, I promise." He grins. "I think your face might explode, it's so damn red."

'Yeah, well, whose fault is that?"

Roman holds a hand over his chest and bows halfway, like he's actually out of some period drama and wearing a fancy knight's costume instead of a button-down coat and scarf. "My deepest apologies, Virgil."

"Yeah, yeah, knock it off," Virgil grumbles as he chuckles.

They sit there in the quiet for a few more moments as a few groups of kids run by. The lights strung up around the pillars and various levels of the mall sparkle with that faux-snow-wet look as Christmas carols play over the speakers, Virgil taps his fingers absentmindedly to the beat, watching an ad play inside one of the stores.

"Okay, I have a potentially rude question that you can totally tell me to shut up for."

Part of Virgil immediately raises its hackles, but he turns to look at him. "Okay?"

Roman nods to his cane. "Where did you get your cane? My great-aunt uses one and she's been complaining about how boring her current one is for like, as long as I can remember, and yours is sick as hell."

It is pretty cool—it has this purple holo body and Virgil's stuck all sorts of stickers to it and the base is really nice and it's got an adjustable length too. "I can text you the name of the place?"

"Yeah, that'd be great, thank you."

He sends it off and puts his phone on the table. "That wasn't a rude question, by the way. That was fine."

Roman's shoulders visibly slump. "Okay, great, I wasn't—I really wasn't sure. I don't—sorry."

Virgil's eyes widen slightly as Roman starts to…fluster?

"I don't know a lot of people who use mobility aids on the regular and so I don't…really know what sort of things are appropriate to ask."

"You're fine," he says, still a little bemused, "you're doing great."

But then Roman smiles at him all soft again and he has to look away and cough before he starts getting all red again.

"Besides, you're right. My cane is sick as hell and it deserves compliments."

"It's definitely the coolest one I've ever seen. How did you get the stickers to stay so well?"

"There's this Etsy seller who specifically made them to go on mobility aids—she has forearm crutches and hers are decked out with cool shit, so I bought a couple for mine just to try them out and then, well, I couldn't stop."

"Could you send me the name of that place too? My aunt might want some."

"Sure, yeah, give me a moment to find it."

As he looks through his phone, he catches sight of Roman watching him. Not in a creepy way, he's just doing that fond thing where he's got his head slightly tilted and he's still smiling like he's just happy to be here with Virgil and he needs to stop thinking about it right now before his ears start going bright red too.

"There. Sent."

"Thanks, Virgil." He checks his phone just to make sure he's gotten it before he stands up. "I'd love to sit here all day with you, but I do have to run."

"Oh. Okay."

"I'll text you, okay? If you're not—I mean, if you don't have plans, I'd really like to see you again."

"Yeah," he says, grinning like an idiot, "I'd like that too."

He's still staring off in the direction Roman went when his friends come to tell him that they may have gotten kicked out of another store.

3.

Prince Charming: I have another potentially rude question.

Virgil tries not to grin when he sees Roman's text. He knows better than that. Absolutely not.

He fails.

Me: what's up

Prince Charming: How far of a walk is too long of a walk before you need a break?

Me: walking is actually fine it's standing that makes me want to die

Me: i mean i'm not trying to hike a mountain

Prince Charming: No, I suppose that makes sense.

Me: why?

Prince Charming: One of my favorite things to do this time of year is go to the Tadford Park Conservatory. They have this really cool thing they do to get all festive and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? They have places to sit on the way and it's basically a greenhouse so we don't need to lug big heavy coats around.

Virgil quickly looks up 'Tadford Park Conservatory' and scrolls through the pictures of the plants and decorations. Honestly, it looks stunning. He's about to say as much when he gets another text,

Prince Charming: And I have a car so I could pick you up and we could drive.

Me: that sounds really amazing when do you want to go?

Prince Charming: Are you free tomorrow?

Me: sure am

Prince Charming: Can I pick you up at 9?

Me: absolutely see you then

Prince Charming: Perfect :)

Only after Virgil's put the phone down and gone back to what he was doing does he realize he has no idea whether this is supposed to be a date or not.

Is it? No, Roman would've said. Right? That seems like something you'd say. You'd be like: 'hey, I want to do this thing with you as a date.' Or 'hey, I want to take you out and I thought we could do this.' Something like that. Something that puts a big and flashy 'this is a date' sign on it. Roman didn't do that. And Roman seems like the person who would do that. Right? Maybe Virgil should ask. That was reasonable, to ask if something was a dare. But then what if Roman hadn't intended for it to be a date? Then it would get really awkward and Virgil would have to backtrack and then Roman might offer to make it a date out of pity and then it would be even more awkward and Virgil wouldn't actually get to enjoy anything they did because he'd be too busy thinking about how awkward it was and then it would be ruined and—

No. He's just gonna act like he's going to do something fun with a friend. He does that all the time.

Just so happens that Roman's Roman.

It's gonna be fine.

So fine.

He really is so fine—okay, that's enough of that.

He definitely stresses over what he's wearing for way too long before he gets a knock on his door and he just throws a coat over it before he can overthink it and goes to meet Roman. Roman opens his car door for him like he's really some prince that crawled out of a storybook and it doesn't even feel like he's doing it out of pity, like he'd do it even if Virgil didn't have a cane, which is another thing to fret about as Roman drives them to the conservatory. As they walk inside, Virgil goes fumbling for his wallet only for Roman to reveal that he's already gotten their tickets, scanning the code at the front and going over to the coat closet.

"How much do I owe you?"

"Oh, it's on me." Roman hangs up his coat and huffs a laugh when he sees the way Virgil's staring at him. "What's that for?"

"No, really, I saw those ticket prices, there's no way—"

"My mom has a membership, we basically got in for free. It's okay, honey, you don't have to worry about it."

Virgil mumbles something about pet names being unfair as Roman chuckles and they start walking toward the doors. A wave of warm air washes over them as they step through and Virgil's eyes widen as he looks around at the plants and decorations hanging from the ceiling. It's like he's stepped into some alternate reality, trees curling up and over him in a green ceiling as vibrant flowers bloom impossibly bright, catching the glistening light as the giant ornaments overhead twist and turn in the faint breeze. The faint smell of freshly watered plants mixes with the pine and gingerbread from the lobby as they start walking and he can't pay attention to where he's going because every few seconds, he sees something else incredible. Bright blue flowers. A tree with bark like peeling parchment. A crawling vine straight out of a fairytale book. Roman keeps him as much on the path and out of the crowd as possible and he can't even spare the attention to thank him.

"It's beautiful," he manages as they near another door, "it's so pretty, Roman."

"Yes, it is."

"If you're looking at me while you say that, I swear to God—" Roman pushes open another door and they start into a room filled with flowering trees— "holy shit."

Roman chuckles and guides them to a bench underneath one of them. "Do you want to sit for a second or keep going?"

"How close is the next bench after this one?"

"Two rooms down, I think."

"I can make it until there."

They walk through a room of twisting and turning jungle trees, ferns and other smaller plants hiding between the leaves. They pass a pond of koi fish swimming underneath a massive tree. The room with the bench has a long, clear pool in its center, flanked by paths through what look to be walls of moss and other ferns, a waterfall at the far end. Roman walks them carefully over one of the paths to a bench tucked into a little alcove, through which they can see the pool and the bright green foliage on the other side. Virgil sits down, still spellbound at the room.

"I'd ask if you were enjoying yourself," comes Roman's voice, "but I think I know the answer."

"It's like I've been transported to some fantasy realm, this is so cool. How have I never known this existed?"

"A lot of people don't come here. Which is good because I'm selfish and I really like when there's not a lot of crowds." Roman sits back, one leg slung over the other. "But—I don't know why. Maybe it's because they think plants are boring or something."

"They're fucking wrong."

He chuckles. "Yeah, I think so too. I'm glad you like it."

"Okay, it's my turn to ask a potentially rude question."

"Shoot."

"Why here? I mean, it's gorgeous, and the decorations really help, but it's not—a conservatory isn't really what I think of when I think of festive stuff."

Roman sighs. Ripples from the waterfall spread out along the pool's surface. "I don't know, really. I think it's just because holidays are really hectic for me and this place…never really feels like that. It's always sort of like this, calm, serene. Quiet. I think…I think I just really like that."

Virgil turns at the wistful note in Roman's voice, watching him send one of those soft smiles at the pool. The greenery around them almost seems to curve, like the petals of a flower around its center. Roman…fits here, like he really is some prince that even nature itself can't help but adore.

…fuck, he's so far gone.

He loses track of time as they sit there, just enjoying the still quiet of the room. The ferns have their own smell, soft and sweet, that mixes with the crisp dampness of the water as some misters turn on to water the plants. He holds his hand out in front of one, just for a second, watching the droplets catch on his hand and sparkle as he turns them in the light. Roman's side presses against his after a while and he finds himself lost slightly to the solid comfort of it. And then, well, then that's all he thinks about for a while.

At least until his stomach growls and ruins the moment.

"Come on," Roman chuckles, "the food's not far from here."

The cafe bustles with energy after being in that quiet room for so long, and Virgil quickly finds a table to sit at while Roman goes and gets the food. He does have to slightly threaten Roman into letting him pay for their lunch, but Roman concedes after a while and goes to stand in line. He pulls out his phone to send the few pictures he remembered to take to the group chat, when suddenly—

"Shame on you, young man!"

Virgil startles so badly that he almost drops his phone. He looks up to see a stern older woman glaring at him, hands on her hips. "Uh—"

"How dare you?" she says again, wagging her finger at him. "You go and find whoever you stole that from and give it back right this instant!"

"I don't—what—what are you talking about?"

"What do you mean, what am I talking about?" She points at his cane. "That does not belong to you! You're old enough to know better, especially to steal something like that, your parents would be so disappointed in you!"

Oh. Oh, fuck, it's one of these. Disgust and embarrassment crawl up his throat as a few people at the surrounding tables start to look over. He swallows. "Actually, that is mine."

The woman scoffs. "What do you think, I was born yesterday?"

"That is my cane," he says, voice a bit firmer. "I bought it with my money, I use it for my disability. I didn't steal it. It's my cane."

She looks him up and down over the rim of her glasses. "You? You expect me to believe a young person like you uses a cane? What on earth could you possibly need a cane for?"

And really, he should be used to it by now, he's had ableist assholes like this yelling at him for actual years, he shouldn't be this upset over it. But goddamnit, this day was going well. He was having a good time. And now someone is telling him his disability doesn't exist and he should be ashamed for using a mobility aid and he can feel his eyes starting to water even as he struggles for words.

"Excuse me."

Roman. He looks up to see Roman setting a tray with their food on the table, his hand coming to rest on Virgil's shoulder.

"Would you like to explain why you're bothering someone you don't know?"

The woman splutters. "I—well, I—"

"It is none of your business what someone else does to take care of themselves," Roman says, cutting her off firmly, "you do not get to make assumptions about someone else's life and act as though you know the truth. No one would be so rude as to insist you don't need glasses, would they?"

"People your age don't need canes!"

"And people your age should know to treat people better." Roman gives her a look that's so profoundly disappointed that he can see a few people wince in sympathy. "This time of year is supposed to be about sharing compassion and kindness. I hope for your sake you learn that this season."

He turns his back pointedly and the woman shuffles off without another word.

"Are you okay?" Roman asks, his voice so soft and worried that it almost gives Virgil whiplash. "I'm so sorry that happened."

"It's not your fault," he mumbles, "and…thank you."

"You don't need to thank me for being a decent person, honey."

"Yeah, well…" Roman's hand is still on his shoulder and he dares to lean into it a little. "Still. Thanks."

Roman still looks a little worried but he pushes Virgil's food towards him. "Here. Eat."

"Thanks."

Roman doesn't sit across from him. He sits next to him and after a moment, lets his leg rest against Virgil's. Virgil almost chokes on his sandwich but quickly shakes his head when Roman looks up, concerned.

"Is this alright?"

"Yeah, it's…more than alright." Virgil smiles. "You're really great, Roman."

Nice one, asshole.

"So are you." After a moment, his smile widens. "When we're finished, do you want to go see the desert room? There's a bench in there too."

"Cactuses?"

"I think it's technically cacti, but yes."

"Don't make me look up grammar while I'm eating."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

4.

Virgil gets another text the night before he's supposed to get lunch with Roman. He peers at his phone, sitting up from his horrible position on the couch.

Prince Charming: Hey, I'm sorry to do this so last minute, but my boss really wants me to come in in the morning tomorrow. I don't think I'll be able to come pick you up to go to the place.

Me: is there public that can get me there?

Prince Charming: You'd have to walk a fair ways and it's not like it's nice outside right now.

Virgil glances at the snowstorm outside and winces at the thought of all the ice. He's about to figure out a way to propose a rain check—or snow check—without upsetting either of them when his phone buzzes again.

Prince Charming: I mean, if it's not too much of an ask, I could always pick you up before I go into work and you could come with me? I don't think it'd be longer than a few hours at the most and then we could just go straight there afterwards.

Me: what do you mean come to work with you?

Prince Charming: I could pick you up and drive us both to the arena. There are the offices and stuff upstairs where you could sit and work or do something until I'm done then we could go?

Me: would your boss care that there's just some random person with you?

Prince Charming: You're not just some random person, Virgil. And no, he won't care.

Virgil's too caught up in the fact that Roman said he's not just some random person to really think about it when he sends back a 'yes,' nor did he really read the part where Roman mentioned an arena.

But sure enough, that's what they pull up to the next morning and Virgil's left blinking at the giant sign that says 'Stadium Entrance' as they get out of the car. He glances at Roman, who looks truly nonplussed as he leads the way to the door. He waves at the person at the front—Virgil waves too on instinct—and nods toward the elevator.

"I told them I was bringing someone, you can go on up and find somewhere to sit, if you want. I can come with too if you'd rather?"

"You, uh, you can go. I think I can find something."

"If anyone tries to give you shit, just say you're with me, okay?"

He huffs a laugh. "What, are you some kind of famous person?"

Roman laughs too, but it comes out a bit too forced. "Something like that."

And before he can ask what the fuck that means, Roman's walking off down another hallway and Virgil just shrugs and goes to find somewhere to sit. The elevator takes him up to something that looks almost like an office and he wanders into an open room, sitting down and shooting off a text to let Roman know where he is. He gets a quick acknowledgment and that he'll let him know when he's done. He switches over to the thing he'd been looking at in the car and loses himself quickly in the mindless scroll of the Internet.

He's not sure how much time passes before he glances around for an outlet to charge his phone. He drags a chair over to the corner and plugs in the charger, looking around as he waits for the little beep that lets him know it's working. There's a set of screens on the far wall, each showing a different camera, he presumes. One of them looks out at a loading dock, one of them shows a skating rink where someone's training, one of them shows another empty rink, and the last one has another door—probably a secondary exit of some kind. He shrugs and looks back at his phone.

"Excuse me?"

He looks up to see a man with glasses and a big coffee mug with cat whiskers peering through the door. "Uh, hi?"

"Are you supposed to be in here?"

"I, um, I'm with Roman? He said I could find somewhere up here to sit?"

"Oh, you must be Virgil!" Virgil blinks as the man grins and comes over to offer his hand. "I'm Patton, nice to meet you."

"Hi, Patton. Uh—you are? Sorry."

"No, it's fine, you're all good. I'm one of the event coordinators for the arena. Roman talks about you all the time, I was wondering if we'd ever get to meet you."

"Yeah, I, uh…nice to meet you too." Virgil shuffles a bit. "You, uh, have you worked with Roman for long?"

"Sort of—I don't work with Roman directly, but I see him when he's booked here. They've decided to train here this year, which is exciting, but he's so busy all the time." Patton grins, crossing his arms. "But I guess you know that, huh?"

"Yeah, I—wait, you—" he frowns. "What do you mean 'booked here?'"

"For a show or a competition or something." Patton leans down, muttering like they're sharing a secret. "Between you and me, I don't blame you for sitting up here. It gets cold in the rinks, doesn't it?"

"Sorry—can we go back another step?" Virgil shakes his head. "What do you mean, for a show or competition?"

Patton frowns. "For the season."

"What season? Season of what?"

He frowns for another second, before something like exasperation makes him sigh. "Did Roman tell you what he does?"

"No. Not even a little bit."

Patton sighs again and nods to the screens. "That's him, on the camera there."

Virgil turns to look. The only person on the screens is the one skating. Wait—

"That's Roman?"

"Roman Prince, reigning champion," Patton says, coming up behind him as Virgil stares at Roman training on the ice, "I'm not that surprised he didn't tell you, he's surprisingly private about his off-stage life."

Roman skates. Roman is a figure skater. Roman competes at a professional level as a skater. Roman is the fucking reigning champion?

He hears Patton say something about getting back to work but if he needs anything, let him know. He must respond—he hopes it wasn't too rude—but he's too focused on the way Roman is literally fucking dancing on the ice right now. He looks like he's at the Olympics. Shit, has Roman been to the Olympics? Why didn't Roman tell him he skates for a living? Why is he here while Roman is training? And what the fuck did Patton mean about Roman talking about him all the time?

He completely fucking forgets about his phone as he watches Roman skate. Every so often someone else skates up to him—his trainer, probably, even though Roman called him his boss. Shit, Roman really didn't want him to know about this, did he? Is he gonna be mad that Virgil's watching him?

He's really fucking good.

It feels like no time at all before Roman's disappearing from the frame and then he gets a text that he's almost done, coming up to find him, and Virgil's still staring at the screen trying to fit the pieces together that Roman's a professional skater who talks about him to the people he works with.

He doesn't quite manage that by the time Roman's pushing the door open with a breathless smile, his hair slightly messy, and his cheeks glowing from the exercise.

"Hey, sorry about that, but I'm all done, we can…"

He trails off when he notices Virgil staring at the screens, smile fading a bit.

"Right," he says, mostly to himself, "forgot about those."

"You, uh," Virgil mumbles, "so you skate?"

"Yeah. I skate."

There's a moment. Someone down the hall opens a door.

"I'm sure you have questions," Roman says finally, "but can I answer them in the car?"

"Yeah, sure."

Roman's quiet as they go back downstairs, waving to the front desk person again. They get in the car and start driving. Virgil bites his tongue for as long as he can before they finally stop at a red light and he musters his courage.

"Why didn't you tell me you skate?"

He hears Roman sigh. "I didn't mean to keep it a secret from you, it's just…I didn't know how you'd react."

"Did you think I wouldn't think it was a real job, or something?"

"What? No, no, I just—I didn't know if you watched skating or followed it at all or—or if you'd know who I am, or something like that." The light turns green and Roman turns onto the next road. "And then…well, it's not like I know what you do for a living either."

"I'm a systems engineer."

"Oh. That's cool."

"Thanks."

They drive for a few more minutes.

"Patton said you're quiet about your private life," he says, like an asshole, and he wants to take it back as soon as it comes out but Roman's already answering.

"Yeah, well, I'm not famous famous like some people are, but I'm…people know me. And it's not like I want people poking into what I do when I'm not being Roman Prince on the ice. Plus, especially with it being the holidays…" He trails off and sighs again. "Sorry, I don't want to bring the mood down."

"You're not bringing the mood down, you're just talking. You can tell me if you want to."

They stop at another red light and Roman looks at him. Really looks at him, like he's trying to figure out if Virgil's telling the truth. Which he is, he totally is, and he hopes Roman can see that. He must, or at least decide Virgil's not just asking to be nosy, because he looks away again.

"There are people who are into figure skating all year long and that's great, but they're, like, fans. And I love my fans, really, but I don't—sometimes it gets a bit much, you know?"

"Yeah."

"And then there are people who just like it for the holidays because it's 'festive.' Like, 'oh, let's go ice skating, it's Christmas,' or 'oh, let's go see a skating show because it's winter,' that sort of thing. And then they do it, and then it's done, and they go home and have their actual holidays together, and…"

Something terribly sad enters Roman's voice as they sit in the snow at the light, and Virgil suddenly has the image of a performer's smile fading as the lights go out. And it strikes him how terribly lonely what Roman's describing sounds, like he's just something people check off their lists and then move on with those they actually care about. And how much Patton seemed to understand that of course Roman didn't tell him what he did for a living.

"You want people to want to spend time with you for who you are," he says quietly, "not what you are."

"Yeah," Roman says back, equally soft, "that's it."

He looks down at his cane, spinning it in his hand. "I get that."

"I know you do." Roman reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder. "I really didn't mean to keep secrets."

"It's fine, I get it. But thank you for telling me."

The light turns green and they start driving again. The silence feels gentler, somehow, Roman even starts humming under his breath. It's that same song that was playing over the speakers when they first met at the park.

Wait a fucking second.

"You asked me to skate."

"Huh?"

"When we met, at the park, you offered to skate with me. Even though you skate for a living and someone might have recognized you."

"What was I supposed to do?" Roman sighs, but this time it's clear he's going for drama. "I was talking to this cute guy and my brain fell out of my ears."

"You—what?"

Roman glances over and chuckles. "You're getting all blushy again, you know."

"I—what—shut up!"

"Did Patton also say I talk about you all the time?"

"Maybe!"

"Well, there you go, cutie. Wha—hey, hey! I'm driving!"

"You'll fucking live, you absolute dick."

But Roman's laughing again and he looks so happy that Virgil can't be mad for very much longer. And, you know, he is driving, and he would like to make it to the restaurant in one piece.

"You're paying for lunch, you know."

"Whatever you say, cutie."

5.

"If you dragged me all the way out here for nothing, I swear to God—"

"We're almost there, I promise, I promise."

Virgil groans, slumping down in the car seat at Roman makes yet another turn. Roman texted him two hours ago asking if he was free and could they go somewhere really quickly, he promises it's worth it, and Virgil had been too caught up in the sappy floaty feeling of Roman's excitement to say no, and now here they are, driving who the fuck knows where, in the dark, up a path that barely has any lights.

"How do you even know we're not getting lost?"

"We're not lost, I know exactly where we are."

"So if I got out a paper map and said 'where are we,' you could point to it and you'd be right?"

"Well, I'd be more impressed that you had a paper map with this exact area that you could be accurate about—"

"What, you don't think I've got maps?"

"I'd never doubt your map capabilities, Virgil."

"You'd better not, the atlas my mom got me for fourth grade would be so disappointed at you when I throw it at your head."

"I'm sorry, you're the one throwing it and it's going to be disappointed at me?"

"Yeah, 'cause you did something so outrageous it's made me need to throw it."

Roman chuckles as he makes another turn—are they going up a hill or something? "My mistake. Really, we are almost there."

"Uh-huh."

"What, you don't believe me?"

"I believe you about as much as I did the last ten times you've said it."

"I have not said it ten times!"

"No, you've said it way more than ten times."

"Well, if you keep asking 'are we there yet,' I'm going to keep answering you."

"Are we there yet?"

"Almost."

"Are we there y—" Roman reaches over and pushes his shoulder lightly. "Okay, okay, I'll knock it off."

"Look, see that sign?"

Virgil sits up and peers through the windshield at the sign that reads 'Observation Point.' "Yeah."

"That's where we're going."

"Fine, fine, you're not a liar."

"Thank you."

Sure enough, it really is only a few more moments before Roman's pulling the car out onto a large flat overlook and putting it in park. Virgil looks around, trying to figure out what exactly they're doing all the way out here and why Roman was so insistent that they go tonight, when Roman turns the headlights off. "Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?"

"Relax, I'm keeping the heat on so we don't freeze." He nods out the window. "Look."

"I can't see shit, Roman, look at what?"

"Give your eyes a second to adjust."

He looks, truly not expecting to see anything. It's just blackness, the afterglow of the headlights still burning his retinas out. He squints. There are surprisingly few clouds out tonight, especially considering the winter weather they're supposed to get later this week. He can sort of see something through the gloom, below them, but it's not that clear yet. Slowly, little by little, his eyes adjust and…

"Oh," he says in a rush of breath.

The entire city sprawls out beneath them. Glittering and shimmering houses, buildings, Christmas lights and flashing decorations. The snow sparkles with it, the glow almost a sea of wonder against the inky blue night sky. Reds, greens, blues, purples, far-away inflatables that must be giant but look like nothing more than storybook characters from this high up. Some of the houses closest to them have trees, right out front, others have sleighs and reindeer, even more have snowmen just barely lit by the edges of the shining lights.

It's incredible.

"I didn't think I'd get a chance to see it this year," Roman says, as if he's afraid to break the silence, "but then it cleared up and I knew it'd be perfect."

Virgil can't say anything. He's too spellbound.

"Thank you for coming with me."

"Thank you for asking. This is—holy fuck, Roman, this is so fucking cool."

"I'm glad you like it. I was a bit worried with the roads, sometimes they don't clear them properly, but at least we can sit in the car instead of having to walk or something."

Maybe it's the fact that he's tired, or the surge of sappiness when Roman had said he'd known it'd be perfect and he'd reached out for Virgil, or maybe he's been holding this in since Roman held out that stupid hot chocolate. Whatever it is, Virgil sniffles.

"Whoa, hey, hey," Roman murmurs right away, reaching out for him like the stupidly perfect Prince Charming, "what's wrong, honey? Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?"

"No," Virgil spits through his stupid tears, "no, you did—you did everything right."

"O..kay?"

"You did everything right," he says again, "you—you made sure we could drive so we could just sit in the car and you picked me up so you could drive me instead of making me take the bus and you asked how much walking was too much walking and you stood up for me and you asked me if it was rude before you asked about my cane and you got me hot chocolate and you're—you're—"

An actual sob chokes out of his mouth and he claps a hand over it, only for Roman to let out a noise of dismay and coaxes his hand away, holding it tightly. He leans over the console and tenderly wipes away one of Virgil's tears and it's too soft and gentle and perfect—

"You did everything right," Virgil manages, not daring to look at Roman's concerned face, "you—you're too sweet."

Roman lets out the softest noise and strokes his cheek again. "You're worth being sweet to, honey."

"Shut up, you're gonna make me cry more."

"That's okay, honey, you can cry. That's—it's a good cry, right?"

"Yeah, you bastard, it's a good cry." He sniffles. "Now shut up."

"Can I shut up and hug you?"

"Yes."

And goddamnit, an awkward hug where Roman has to lean halfway out of his seat over the console to get his arms around him should not feel so warm and safe and comforting, but fuck it, Virgil's already crying into his shoulder anyway, he might as well fully commit to it. If Roman has a problem with contorting himself to hug a sobbing mess, he doesn't say anything about it. No, he just keeps humming and shushing Virgil with sweet nonsense, his hand alternating between carding through his hair and stroking his cheek. It's not fair, and Virgil's not giving it up for anything.

Eventually, his tears run dry and he scrubs his nose with his sleeve as Roman sits back down, keeping one hand on the back of his neck. Fingers play with the hair right above his collar. He sniffles.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize, honey, it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I just cried all over you."

"Oh no," Roman says dryly, "however will I survive such a terrible fate?"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up."

Roman chuckles, fingers still scratching lightly at Virgil's scalp. "Really, Virgil, it's alright. I'm just glad I'm not the only one getting all sappy."

If he were less emotionally drained from crying, or if Roman's fingers were less good at making him melt into a boneless little puddle, he might have had a retort for that. Instead, he just looks out over the lights in all their sparkling glory and sighs, leaning into the touch. Roman starts humming again and there they sit, enjoying the night.

"If I fall asleep," he mumbles, "will you wake me up?"

"If you fall asleep, I'll drive you home and then wake you up so we can get you to bed."

"Fine."

He tries. He tries doggedly to stay awake, to not miss a moment of this, of the lights, the night, of Roman and his stupid Prince-Charming self. But he must fall asleep, or at least get close to it, because the fingers in his hair slow, and stop. Roman chuckles softly, and the car starts, and they drive through the night. And for a moment, as they leave behind the sea of lights, he thinks that Roman lied to him—they can't be in a car, just driving home.

Not when it feels like they're flying.

+1.

It's really a surprise that he managed to hold it back for this long, but it was eventually going to happen.

The swirling mist of a monster that is his anxiety has been biding its time, waiting for him to let his guard down to spring out and warp him up in its stupid fucking mess and make him stop appreciating everything that's going on and make it just the fucking worst.

Roman Prince is too perfect, it decides. There's no way this all gets to happen to him and there's no catch. The image of the hidden cameras and the reality show crew comes back; when do they jump out and say it's all fake? When is the illusion going to shatter?

Maybe he's just biding his time and trying to find a way to exit Virgil's life and never return. Maybe he has a partner, or something, and he really thinks Virgil's just his friend. Maybe he's not even gay. Maybe Virgil's just a fling and he's going to leave as soon as New Year's is over. Maybe he's going to get swept up in his life of professional figure skating again and Virgil will be stuck with chasing down his shows and competitions to even see him ever again. Maybe they're going to become the friends that aren't really friends but they still have each other's number for some reason.

Maybe—

"You're thinking too loudly," Roman murmurs from where his face is tucked near the crook of Virgil's shoulder, reaching out to pause the movie, "are you okay?"

Virgil sighs, leaning back into Roman's embrace. He'd surprised him by coming over—well, no, he'd texted to ask if Virgil would mind if he came over, but that was out of nowhere, so it counted—and then they'd ordered way too much food and put on a Christmas movie, and Virgil had pushed for The Nightmare Before Christmas and Roman hadn't protested. And then Roman had asked if he could cuddle him—"Because it's a crime to leave you sitting there on the couch, in the dark, like you have no one to cuddle you, honey."—and then he'd wrapped his arms around him and it'd been all warm and soft and cozy and Virgil hadn't wanted to move to get his hot chocolate from the coffee table that probably wasn't even hot anymore—

"You're still drifting." Roman sits up, pulling away. "Is everything okay?"

Virgil bites his lip. "It's dumb."

"I like dumb things."

"You'll laugh."

"Only if you say something funny."

"You'll be mad," he says in a very quiet voice, and he feels Roman stutter above him. He squeezes his eyes shut.

"Oh, honey," he hears distantly, before the couch is shifting under him and there are warm hands carefully cupping his face. "Will you look at me, please?"

He doesn't want to. He wants to stay here in the dark with Roman touching him like he's something precious, but then Roman's calling his name and fuck it, he can't disappoint Roman, so he opens his eyes. Roman smiles at him with that same fucking soft smile that's been taking him out at the knees since day one, and he can tell he's pouting before Roman even says anything.

"I'm not going to be mad," he says with all the patience in the world, "if something's bothering you, I want to know about it. Please, tell me?"

"You're not leaving, right?"

As soon as the words leave his mouth and Roman scrunches up his face in confusion, he wants to run away and hide under all his blankets and never speak to anyone again.

"Never mind. Forget it."

"What do you mean, am I leaving?"

"I said forget it. See? Dumb. Never mind."

"Don't do that," Roman chides gently, pulling his focus back, "don't hide from me. What did you mean?"

Virgil sighs, trying to not lose himself in how warm Roman's hands are. "It's just—everyone leaves. Sort of. I know—I mean I get it. I get how these things go. You—it's the holidays, right? You get all the emotions and then New Year's happens and you move on. I know that happens, I know that's how it works sometimes, and it's fine, I get it, but—"

"Slow down." He sits up. "Why do you think I'm leaving?"

Fuck it. "Because you're too perfect, okay? You—you're sweet and kind and you help me with everything and you're fun to be around and you're funny and you're smart and—and you're really fucking attractive, and I don't—" he takes a deep breath— "I don't know what to do about it anymore, okay?"

Roman's quiet. He's quiet for a long moment. Then his hands leave Virgil's face and he cringes, curling up in on himself—he's done it, he's made Roman leave, it's his fault, it's all his fault, they didn't even make it to New Year's—

His eyes fly open in shock when Roman suddenly hugs him tightly. His breath leaves him in a rush as Roman squeezes, holding him with such a fierce strength that he just ends up going limp in his hold.

"I don't know," Roman growls, "what sort of absolute assholes have been so cruel to you that you think everyone is just going to leave, but they'd better fucking hope we never meet."

"Wh—what?"

"You're fucking perfect too, Virgil. You're smart and you make me laugh and you're genuinely kind to people and you—you make me feel safe, okay?" He pulls back but somehow this is worse because now they're just staring into each other's eyes. "You're amazing. Why the hell would I want to leave you?"

"I—um—well—"

"I don't want to leave," Roman confesses, and fuck, Virgil can hear his heart breaking, "do…you don't want me to leave, do you?"

"No," he says in a rush, "no, I don't want you to leave."

"Great, 'cause I wanna be stuck with you until you're sick of me."

"I'm not gonna get sick of you—"

"Well, I'm not gonna get sick of you either—"

"Great!"

"Great!"

And then he's the one leaning forward to knock Roman over with a hug. Roman wraps his arms just as tightly around him and suddenly there's a kiss being pressed to his head.

Everything stops.

"Shit," Roman breathes, and it curls around his ear, "I…I meant to ask if that was okay before I did it, I'm sorry, I—"

But Virgil's already turned and pressed a kiss of his own to Roman's jaw. He feels more than hears Roman's breath stutter, the chest under him jumping as Roman turns to look at him. Like this, their faces are barely a few inches apart, and Roman smells like hot chocolate.

"It's okay," Virgil mumbles into their shared space, "it's…more than okay."

And there Roman goes, curling his mouth up into that fucking soft smile again, and then he's sliding a hand up to cup the back of Virgil's. "So I can kiss you?"

"Yes, you can kiss me."

Fuck, he tastes like hot chocolate too.

"I'm not leaving," Roman whispers against his lips, not bothering to pull away, "I'm not leaving you, baby."

"Fuck."

"No good?"

"Very good," Virgil mumbles, leaning forward again, but then his phone is buzzing and he's pulling back with a curse to make it shut the fuck up. Roman comes up and wraps his arms around him again, hands slowly playing with the hem of his sweater as his chin hooks over his shoulder. "I'm almost done, I promise."

"Am I 'Prince Charming' in your phone?"

"No," Virgil says, like a liar as he throws his phone onto the floor.

"Aww, that's so cute, baby."

"Shut up and kiss me, Princey."

"As you wish," Roman murmurs, and then Virgil doesn't have a chance to think about the fact that he just called Roman 'Princey.'

They don't end up finishing the movie, but Roman says they can watch the rest over breakfast instead.

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