#jokes aside i’m glad they’re having fun with it it’s rare a community has such unbridled love for a silly movie based on their interest

[un-pearable]

nascar instagram is fascinating every post’s comment section is either vicious battles waged by the laymen on the behalf of their knights (guys who drive fast and sometimes bump each other, making the others fans very vewy mad) or a cars reference

very serious sports fans :)

[tsumtsumrry]

request where reader has some kind of severish accident which means her movement is limited (like she has a leg cast and crutches or something) and harry takes time out to visit her in hospital and then care for her at home when she’s released until she’s feeling better and once she feels good again she keeps hinting at wanting to be intimate with him because it’s been so long and she’s missed having him that way and that aspect of their relationship but he’s not picking up on her hints because he doesn’t want to rush her or assume she’s ready before she’s fully recovered but it just makes her feel rejected and sad like he doesn’t want her that way anymore and he sees her as a burden because there’s no proper communication but then when they finally talk about how they’re feeling he’s like omg baby no that’s not it at all of course i’m still attracted to you i love you i just don’t want to pressure you after everything… cut to it ends in fluffy emotional smut and all is well again

lmao sorry this was so long and there’s no punctuation but this was literally a stream of consciousness 😮‍💨

hii thank you so much for the request it was really fun to write <;3

hope you enjoy!

It was completely your fault. 

At least that’s how you felt. The bike ride was supposed to be short and sweet but you ended up in a small ditch with a broken ankle. You felt stupid more than anything. And a little embarrassed. You called Harry with a wobbly voice and shooting pain in your ankle. He raced to your location and took you to the hospital, doted on you endlessly and now that shooting pain has been reduced to a dull ache due to the medication they have you on. 

His hands gently knead your leg and give you a much needed massage to soothe a cramp that’s been building up while you stare at him with loving eyes, “how’s it feeling, baby? Better? Doctor said it would be good to go home with some crutches.” 

You roll your eyes at him and smirk mischievously, “I could’ve gone home days ago, you’re the one that made me stay here to make sure I was alright, Harry.” You chuckle softly and watch closely as he gets up to start to tidy up and collect your things. 

“I just needed to make sure that there wouldn’t be any further damage, angel.” he pleads his case, stopping his gathering for a moment to shoot you a look that you only respond to with a deadpan stare. 

“Whatever you say, Dr. Styles.” 

“Mm. Say that again. S’kinda hot.” your lover smirks at you with that glint in his eyes that only shows up when he says something that he knows will have an effect on you. You giggle and he takes a couple steps towards you, leans down, and gives you a soft kiss. Your hands reach up to tangle in his brown curls, tugging lightly to pull him deeper into the kiss. The faintest of groans leave his lips and it makes a wave of contentment flow through you, you’ve missed him like this. That contentment is very quickly thwarted when Harry pulls away, only to leave you with a quick peck and a smile. You frown softly, but he misses it. 

“All jokes aside though, I’m really glad you’re okay. It could’ve been a lot worse; you know?” He gently takes your chin between his fingers and squeezes softly. You nod and offer him a knowing smile. You know how anxious he gets, especially when it comes to the people he loves most, especially when it comes to you. “And excuse me for my innate nature to protect the girl I love.” he speaks with a sarcastic bite and a faux eye roll that you giggle heartily at. 

“Alright, love.” his voice strains from the weight of you in his arms, “you just lay here and look pretty. I’ll go get your stuff and then we can cuddle.” You were cleared to go home. They sent you off with some crutches and told you that you were good to go.

And that’s basically how the rest of the five weeks in the cast went. You and Harry, alone in your house, with Harry constantly all over you and needing to make sure you were okay. He rarely let you out of his sight unless he had to go to work and you loved it, but seeing him and not being able to really kiss him the way you want to has you a little bummed, and frustrated. You’ve not only missed kissing him, you’ve missed having him. The weight of him on top of you, the praise he always whispers in your ear, the way he feels when he touches you and fucks you like no one else can. You’ve missed all of that. 

And you barely need the crutches anymore! You’ve been walking just fine without them and Harry has been so vocal about being proud of your progress, but still nothing. 

You try to give him hints sometimes but it’s like it completely flies over his head. He’ll just kiss you as if you guys are being watched by the pope and be his normal perfect, “tooth-rottingly” sweet self. 

“Missed you so much, angel.” He had just come back from work, tired, but obviously never too tired for his girl, “d’you need anything? You’ve eaten right?” he mumbles while his face is squished cutely into your arm. 

“Yes, my love. I’ve eaten. Don’t need anything really. Just you.” And that one was obvious, really obvious, you used that tone you normally use with him when he’s fucking you, you have your hands tangled in his hair and make sure to tug lightly enough to where it feels like an accident, you’re wearing his favorite smelling body oil, you’re even dragging your foot across his thigh for god’s sake. What more does he need? He’s usually ready to go with less. 

“Well you’ve got me. Always.” his head shoots up, the curls flopping with it, he grins so happily at you like you aren’t dying from the emptiness of not having him inside you for so long. You might lose it and honestly you can’t even blame yourself for how you’re reacting. He’s just too good to be without it for this long. And you can’t figure out why he doesn’t seem to want to give you what you need. That’s always been his promise after all, that he was going to give me what you needed, always. 

So, what in the world is going on now? 

It’s been another two weeks. Still no moves from Harry and still seventeen million moves from you (a day). You’re beginning to think that he’s doing it on purpose, and that, that is a dangerous thought. You’re the biggest overthinker you know, and now that the seed is planted in your head that Harry is avoiding your attempts at being intimate with him, it’s spiraling out of control. There’s a big ball of emotion in the pit of your stomach that’s making you feel like shit and you really don’t like the feeling. 

You decide to go downstairs and find him, hoping to just talk it out. The whole way down the stairs you’re convincing yourself that it’s all just a big misunderstanding or miscommunication, but your brain is working overtime to convince you that you're being avoided on purpose. 

When you hit the last step, you immediately see him, in all his glory. His back is turned to you and he’s wearing a tight black shirt that showcases every muscle in his back and arms. It honestly makes your mouth water. You walk up closer to him when you realize he’s on the phone and your walking slows so you can be quieter. Your hands reach up to touch his shoulder and finally get some of that physical contact you’ve been craving. He puts his hand on yours for a second but then slightly shrugs your hand off of his shoulder. Your heart drops. 

Now, normally, you would’ve found it funny, or just chalk it up to him doing something important, or being in a bad mood, but there was only one word running through your head now. 

Burden. 

Burden. 

Burden. 

The extreme fear you have of feeling unwanted manifests in many different ways. You stumble back from him, while he doesn’t even notice the pain on your face, and you slowly retreat to your room. As soon as you get upstairs, and onto your bed, the waterworks start. You feel so incredibly dramatic but it hurts so much to feel like the only person you want around doesn’t feel the same way you do. 

It’s a couple dozen minutes of crying before you hear his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Your door opens a couple moments later and Harry comes in it. The first thing he heard, which stopped him in his tracks, was a sniffle. And then he saw you crying. His heart drops. 

“Hey, hey hey. What’s going on?” he rushes over to you with his gentle voice, immediately crouching down to level with where you’re laying on the bed. “Is it hurting, baby? Tell me what’s wrong.” 

And he tries to convince you to tell him, for way longer than he should’ve, lots and lots of coaxing, and when you finally told him, it may have been in the least liked way that you were imagining. 

“Why won’t you touch me?!” you blurt out, frustration clear as day in your voice. Harry leans back slightly at the shock of your admission. 

“Why won’t I…touch you? I–babe what are you talking about?” 

“I’ve been trying everything I know of to get you to realize I just need you so badly, but it feels like you’ve been ignoring it. Like you just don’t want to be intimate with me and it feels like I’m a burden or something. I hate feeling like I’m bothering you.” 

Harry has a permanent frown on his face when you speak, looking directly into your eyes, following your every move. 

After your short rant he looks at you for a moment, he looks away as if he’s in thought, he sighs almost as if he’s relieved, then you watch him…laugh?

“I cannot believe,” he starts, immediately getting up from his crouched position to stand and tower over you. “I cannot believe that you could ever think that I don’t wanna be close to you, or make you feel good, or make you come the way only I can.” his eyes have changed from soft and concerned to intense, but with that familiar glint. 

“You really think I’d ever deprive myself of being in between those gorgeous thighs, baby? Really?” his hand softly grazes against your thigh, almost as if to prove his point. Your eyes flutter shut at the faint touch. Finally, you think. 

“I’ve only been worried about your ankle.  I just wanted to make sure everything was alright before we did anything. You hurt yourself pretty badly baby, didn’t wanna pressure you.” 

“Jesus, H. Seriously? I was worried–” you’re cut off when he kisses you deeply, his hand coming up to loosely wrap around your throat. You moan into the kiss and he groans deeply, moving himself so he’s on top of you. 

“Thought I taught you better than you not using your words, pretty.” he rasps, his tone soft but condescending. You whimper softly at his words, as he spreads your legs to fit himself between them, rocking his hips to grind himself against you. “Hm? Use your words, baby. You have to tell me what you want.” 

That slow grinding is making your mind go fuzzy, it’s been so long and you already feel dizzy with pleasure. “Need to be close. Need you to fuck me.” you mumble. You already feel closer than you have in a long time. The way you’re staying directly into his moss green eyes as his entire body flexes with his movements, the way you can feel his soft pants against your skin. 

“Yeah?” and he wastes no time. He kisses down your body slowly, like he’s worshiping you, and makes his way down between your thighs. He spreads you apart slowly like if he wants to savor every moment and when he finally gives you what you want, he gives and gives and gives. 

And you just have to sit there and take it while he’s fucking you with his perfect mouth like that, getting his face and your thighs all messy with your arousal, moaning as if he’s the one getting pleasure from it, making you come twice on his tongue despite your squirming and whimpers. 

“Have no idea how much I missed your perfect cunt, baby. No idea.” 

And when you tried your very best to pull away due to the overstimulation, he tightens his arms around your waist and tugged you back to him harshly with a gruff, “M’not done. Need more.” 

And god if you didn’t just die right then. 

When he fucked you, it was slow. And you could definitely tell that he missed you just as much as you missed him. Deep and slow strokes that brought the most beautiful sounds out of both of you and had his breath stuttering and eyes fluttering shut. 

“You’re so perfect, so wet for me.” he moans softly. Suddenly his eyes open and his brows pull together when he looks down at you, he almost looks…sad. 

“Don’t you ever think that I don’t want you like this again, do you understand me?” He punctuates his words with a very purposeful thrust that rubs right against the spot that makes you shake. “I could never be not attracted to you. Never. You’re the only person that has me this fucking gone. How do you not see what you do to me?” 

He reassures you the whole time, whispering those praises you missed so much in your ear ang touching you exactly the way he knows you like. 

“You’re so fucking good for me, angel. Squeezing me so tight, you missed me hm?” 

“Wanna come for me? Is my needy girl gonna soak my cock? Go ahead baby.” 

“That’s my girl. Fuck I’ve missed how you feel when you come around my cock like that.” 

And when you both finish, he’s extra cuddly. You guys are bundled up in the blankets and it feels like if he were to crawl in your skin it still wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him. 

“God I missed you.” he breathes out contentedly.

“Missed you too, H. So much.” 

“Also you smell really good, is that my favorite body oil?” he questions with the most adorable smile on his face. 

“Now you notice?” you giggle and roll your eyes; he has a confused pout on his face, and you just cuddle up closer to him and let your eyes fall shut.

[elianas-cozycorner]

𝓜𝓲𝓭𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓯𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼

Title: “Midnight Confessions”

Author’s Note: One of the final three (3) requests I have from 2018, this particular scenario is something I’ve wanted to write for a while. I absolutely love this plot device, no matter how cliché or overused it may be. I hope you guys enjoy this and have as much fun reading it as I did writing it. To the anonymous requester, I hope you see this. I really wanted to bring justice to your idea, even if it’s more than two years late. 

Request: “Could u possibly do something where the reader and McCree share a bed on a mission (or maybe they just get hurt and r resting) and McCree lays w/ them n stuff and while they’re “sleeping” he confesses his love and that he’s scared to love but it turns out they heard the whole thing ? if not that’s fine, thank u! I love ur writing!” - Anon

Rating/Pairing: 

Jesse McCree/Reader 

Fluff & Brief Angst; GA (General Audiences)

2nd Person, Gender Neutral

Warnings: None.

Word Count: 2.2k | Added a “read more” due to the length.

When operations go wrong, there’s little that can be done to reverse the initial mistake. Not only are lives put on the line, but so too are relationships and the foundations of friendship. Being under constant fire, unable to reach backup or safety, really wears down the body and mind. Though some may find a thrill in it, eventually that too wears away. 

In your case, you had been pinned down for nearly an hour. Though your position had been defensible, it was on track to becoming more of a hazard than anything else. It wasn’t clear who was to blame for the mishap, everything having happened so fast, but one moment the team you were apart of was working together and the next you were alone with Jesse McCree. 

Sighing, you pressed your back to a stone wall. It was one of the only walls that sheltered you from the flying bullets and sniper fire. Jesse was crouched across from you, trying his best to peer around the corner for the next viable bit of cover. 

You picked up your earpiece, taking it from the place it had fallen when you had run for cover. Quickly bringing up two of your fingers, you activated the line. “Commander? Commander are you there?”

Jesse spared you a glance, worry in his eyes as he took in your features, before turning back to make sure no one had advanced on your position. There was a faint crackle of static before your attempt at communication was answered.

“I’m here, agent.” Reyes’ voice was rough and you could hear the noise of gunfire through his link. “What’s your status?” 

You knew that he could hear the gunfire on your end as you answered. “We’re pinned down, I don’t think McCree and I will be able to get to you.”

Reyes cursed under his breath before answering. “Everyone’s on board. We’re ready to get the hell out of here. This aircraft has taken too much damage for us to wait any longer. We’ll give you as much cover as possible, but you two are gonna have to get yourselves out of there. Figure out how to get somewhere safe, you know the drill, agent.”

McCree, whose communications system was linked to yours, nodded. You could see he was too focused to give a verbal answer, so you kept speaking. “Copy that. We’re ready when you are.”

__________

“We’ll keep in touch, agent.” The words ran through your head over and over again, even opened the door in front of you. 

After Reyes had provided enough aerial cover for you and McCree to get to safety, you had both gone to the nearest safe house. Each assignment Blackwatch, or Overwatch, gave its agents was well thought out and discussed. Drop sites that were busy had cheap motels or hostels listed in their information packets, or predetermined safe houses when the locations were more secluded. In this case, it was a secluded safe house. The information sheet you had pulled up earlier made mention of a stocked kitchen, running water, and first aid supplies. What it had failed to tell you was how small the place would be.

It was practically a one room flat in the form of a cabin. Half walls separated the less private rooms, with only the bedroom and bathroom having proper privacy. The rooms were cold, the thermostat untouched for a long time, but it would do.

Flicking on a light switch, you watched as the florescent bulbs lit up the kitchenet and living space nearest the door. A deep sigh escaped you as you finally allowed your body to relax, dropping the small bag on your shoulder near the door. “Well, Cowboy, this is home for the next 48 hours.”

The brunette man behind you had the decency not to laugh as he made his way past you. “Seems so, sugar. You can take the bathroom first, I’ll take a look ‘n’ find somethin’ for-”

“Us to change into. I know. You talked about showering and getting your wounds dressed the entire way here, Jesse.” You said, smiling despite the pain of your split lip, as you went to find bath supplies.

“Wasn’t aware I talked so much.” He laughed, shaking his head and making his way to the bedroom.

“You always talk, Jesse.” You were already halfway into the bathroom, a towel in hand, when you heard him laugh in reply.

You took your time removing your armor and torn, military grade suit. It wasn’t often that you came out of a skirmish so battered, so the shock didn’t fully register until you’d locked yourself in the room alone. Sighing, you focused on getting out of you clothes and tried to ignore the sounds of bullets echoing in your head. It was more painful a process than you’d expected, as you’d gotten grazed by more bullets and scraped by more gravel than you cared to admit.

Just as you let out a hiss, there came a knock on the bathroom door. You heard Jesse’s spurs jangle before he spoke. “You alright, darlin’? I left some clothes out on a chair here.”

You called out, “Just fine, Jesse! Thank you, I’ll grab them on my way out.”

“Sure thing.” He smiled as he spoke, and though you couldn’t see it, you could hear it in voice.

It made you smile as well, knowing you had your best friend looking out for you. The longer you thought about Jesse and his kindness, his thoughtful but flirty nature, the more your cheeks reddened and stomach fluttered. You’d harbored feelings for the modern gunslinger for a long time, nearly as long as you’d been friends. It was something you kept to yourself, mainly because of Blackwatch’s strict dating guidelines for its agents. Stepping into the shower, you knew the next 48 hours would be tough to get through. 

_________

Stepping out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, you found yourself staring directly at the bare chest of your cowboy partner. “Jesse.”

“Darlin’.” The smile on his face grew, becoming a large smirk, as he noticed the blush across your face. “Clothes are over there. Mind gettin’ out o’ the way? Man’s got to shower just as much as the next person.”

You shook your head, blinking quickly as you looked back at his face. “You’re the one in my way, Jesse.”

Chuckling, he stepped aside and let you grab the clothes before heading into the bathroom. The image of his bare chest replayed in your mind as you dressed, despite you having seen him that way before. Jesse was built well, sturdy and muscular. His body had definition and flexed with strength when he moved. Slim, muscled, and padded in just the right places, you’d say. Attractive. That’s what it was. Jesse had an attractive body and personality. 

Perhaps that’s why you’d spent so long harboring feelings for him, when you could have tried getting over it. Jesse was a good man, though he had his flaws, and he was always kind to you. He had been your first friend in Blackwatch, your first confidant. You’d been thick as thieves for the longest time, attached at the hip. You’d known him for so long, that it hadn’t been a surprise to you that you found his body similarly attractive. It had been painful to watch him go through relationships and flings, wishing one day he would chose you and stay.

Sighing, you tried to get rid of those intrusive thoughts by taking care of your injuries. Knowing Jesse McCree so well also meant knowing his trouble with commitment and genuine emotion. He got scared, you could easily tell, and pushed people away when they got close. He may have been worth it, worth the bumps in the road, but no one else knew him enough to know that. Not like you did. 

Clink. Clink. Clink. Your thoughts were interrupted by McCree coming out of the shower, fully dressed, and fiddling with his peacekeeper. He seemed to have taken care of his flesh wounds while in the bathroom, a couple bandages visible beneath the black shirt he wore. His damp hair stuck to his forehead, no hat on his head, and accentuated the small cut running down his temple.

He barely looked up as he stopped in the doorway. “Darlin’-”, He started.

You shook your head, standing to take his pistol from his grip. “Let me look at that cut, Jesse.”

Looking up at you, he gave you a gentle smile. “No need, darlin’, it’s not very deep. Ought to heal like a charm.”

“No, sir, can’t have that getting infected now. Besides,” You glanced at the only, small bed in the room and then at the couch just beyond the doorway to the room. “We can talk about sleeping arrangements as I do.”

Wordlessly, he sat at the edge of the bed and let you get to work. “You know, that couch is old.”

“Mhm,” You focused on your task, making sure to pay attention to his words nonetheless. “It’ll likely be a back killer.”

“Absolutely. Reckon I should take it.” He moved his head a little, wincing at the pressure you put against the cut.

“I have the better back, Jess.”

“Sure, but we wanna keep it that way. ‘Sides, I wouldn’t be much o’ a gentleman if I let you take it, would I?” His comment made you laugh and he smiled at you, glad to see you so happy.

“Stuck in the West again? Acts of chivalry are rare nowadays, Jess.” You said and pulled your hands away from his face, finished with your work.

“We could share.” His suggestion threw you off, especially when you saw he wasn’t joking. 

“You sure?” Your voice was a little nervous as you spoke, something he picked up on.

“As the day I was born. Only if you’re comfortable, darlin’.” 

“Yeah. Okay,” You smiled, helping him to his feet.

________

Jesse was wide awake, his thoughts running a mile an hour. On his back, he could feel where your back met his side, he could feel each even breath you took. He didn’t have any reason to suspect you were awake. You lay facing away from him, eyelids heavy, breath even, and mind somewhere else. He assumed you’d fallen asleep.

With a soft sigh, he pulled his hands from behind his head and turned around. He tried his best not to wake you, keeping his chest from being flush against your back. He tried his best to keep his hands from touching you, but couldn’t help it when he reached up to brush some hair out of your face. It caught your attention, but you didn’t move, too sleepy to care. You just listened as he sighed once more and shifted just a little closer. 

“Darlin’,” He whispered. “I’ve gotten ‘round to thinkin’...”

He paused, almost as if trying to convince himself to stop talking. “I’ve been thinkin’, and I can’t live without you. I’m scared. I’ve loved you for so long now but I’m jus’ so afraid. I could’ve lost you today. I don’t know what went wrong, I don’t want that fear of not knowing in my heart, but I ain’t strong enough to tell you-”

He took a deep, steadying breath before reaching out to you. He wrapped his arm around your waist and, carefully so as to not ‘wake’ you, pulled you completely into him. “Look at me. Confessin’ in the dark while you sleep, not hearin’ a word. It’s pathetic. Truth is, no matter how much I try, I can’t seem to say the words to your face. I want to look at you and say it, I want to keep you close, but I’m a coward. I’ve never been the type of man to commit to no one like that. I don’t think I’m the kind of man to love like that. Never have been. But damn, darlin’, if I can’t help wantin’ that with you. Want to keep you safe, by my side, always, but... but I ain’t the type of man worthy of you like that...”

He trailed off and you, now wide awake, could feel small drops of water hit the back of your neck. Jesse McCree, the strong, charming cowboy was crying. It broke your heart, so much so that all the words you’d thought to say to him left your mind. He was so worth it, so much more than he gave himself credit for, and you loved him. Just as he was.

Turning around, you watched his face mold from sorrow into shock. He tried speaking, but you didn’t give him the chance, “Darlin’-”

Your lips met his before he could utter any more words. It was a soft, emotional kiss that tasted of salt. His tears fell harder, and you only pulled away to hug him closer. Wrapping your arms around him and locking your legs together, you didn’t have to say much to get him to hear you.

“You are my everything, Jesse. I’ve always loved you.”

[gffa]

Hi!  I went through a similar phase as several of you--I never really connected the dots between my own aro/ace qualities and my gravitating towards the Jedi culture until someone else pointed it out and then everything just sort of clicked together in my head in a way that made so much sense. And I think it can be really useful to view the Jedi through this lens of aro/ace culture, not because people are obligated to agree to this interpretation (they absolutely are not obligated to do so!) but because it provides a framework of reference for why not being drawn to romance and/or sex is not a foundational flaw in characters.  That there might even be an entire group of people who find that to be really satisfying and fulfilling--I mean, look at how many people gravitated to this discussion (or were already here) in just one day on one person’s blog on one social media platform.  It’s not hard at all for me to think, yeah, I’m looking at us building aro/ace culture of our own, it’d be easy for an in-universe group of people to do the same, and the lack of romance and/or sex wouldn’t be them suppressing their feelings or lacking something fundamental about the human condition, either. That’s part of why the Jedi mean a lot to me--there are other things as well, I greatly value their “face the shit within yourself, acknowledge that shit, and then let that shit go, because holding onto it is poison that will hurt you”, as someone who came to the same conclusions long before I was ever a Star Wars fan.  I love the worldbuilding, I love the psychic space wizards aspects, I love how goddamned extra they are about everything, etc. But a culture that not only doesn’t prioritize romance/sex, but actively values other things and finds meaning in those things?  That we see they have friendships and connections all over the place, that they find joy and meaning in teaching their students (and learning from their students, just as much as they teach them), that they find joy in helping others and protecting others, that they love through different ways, that they love the galaxy around them, they love their brothers and sisters in the Force, that they love their community and their culture?  That they just don’t seem to really want love and romance? Even those that do feel romantic feelings (setting Anakin aside, of course) still find the Jedi path to be a fulfilling one.  Obi-Wan may have had romantic feelings for Satine (which was apparently fine, it’s about his commitment and where he places it, I’m pretty sure that was the whole point of the Obi-Wan/Satine relationship, to be a narrative foil for Anakin/Padme, where Anakin does prioritize his feelings for Padme over his morals and judgement, which results in disaster of epic proportions) but he is a fully realized character without them.  He loves--we see that with Qui-Gon, Ahsoka, Luke, Anakin--that he cares deeply, that he’s a compassionate person, that he lives a life that he considers satisfying.  He becomes a Force Ghost and we can see him looking out over Endor, at the things that have finally been set back to rights, and he’s happy. Even within canon, the Jedi that feel restless and like something is wrong in this galaxy, they’re not restless because they want romance/sex, but because they want to do more as Jedi.  They want to help more people, they want to do more good in the galaxy, and do you know how much that means to me?  That even those who are dissatisfied (setting aside those that leave the Jedi Order because they want to have romantic relationships, which are treated warmly by the Order and by the people who left, like Tula’s grandmother) don’t have to be shoved back into the same box so many mainstream properties shove the characters into?  That it’s not about how, oh, they want traditional nuclear families, but instead that they want MORE of what the Jedi are--more love as shown through service to others, more love as shown through helping others. Do you know what a relief it is to have a group of people who find fulfillment in the same kind of things that I do?  Friendships and helping others and learning/teaching about the galaxy around them and self-reflection/understanding and accomplishments the like?  That these are treated, not just as valuable, not even just as valuable, but more valuable to these specific people?  Without demonizing that they’re totally cool with other people wanting romantic love?  DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS THAT THE JEDI DON’T REALLY SEEM INTERESTED IN ROMANCE OR SEX AND INSTEAD FIND SATISFACTION IN OTHER THINGS?  THAT IT’S NOT ABOUT SUPPRESSING YOURSELF, BUT THAT PEOPLE SOMETIMES JUST REALLY DON’T CARE ABOUT THOSE THINGS.  SOMETIMES EVEN LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE. That the Jedi aren’t just “hey, this one Jedi can be read as aro/ace, that’s neat” but instead the Jedi said, “Hey, how about an ENTIRE CULTURE that vibes hard with aro/ace culture?”  That it’s the one mainstream culture that I can think of that really can be interpreted to say, “You’re not just an outlier, but YOU’RE THE NORM in this fictional society.”  Do you know what kind of value that has to me, as someone who only has the tiniest scraps of representation for this character or that character who maybe might be like me, but are rarely confirmed and are almost always The Different One?  Do you know what kind of value it has to me that it’s not just one or two of them, but that THE CULTURE ITSELF is where I would fit in?  That they built an entire society where nearly all of them seem to be Like Me? AN ENTIRE SOCIETY OF PEOPLE I WOULD FIT IN WITH? Which isn’t even getting into the worldbuilding specifics that are so much fun to play with--like, can you imagine what it would be like to have this psychic connection to this vast field of energy in the cosmos?  To be able to sense the feelings of others around you, to feel their presence even when they’re halfway across the galaxy, to just know what they’re feeling?  To be constantly surrounded by the lights of those souls that are gently nudging up against your own?  The warmth and peace of the Jedi Temple that isn’t just what you see/hear/touch, but also what permeates your very thoughts, the soothing balm on your soul that it would be? Can you imagine what it would be like to have this in your head all the time?

A familiar sense of warmth, of belonging, of finding himself part of an endless lattice of connections that held him and everything else, each fixed in its proper place.  A Force. Romance and sex can be wonderful.  But they are not the sole defining qualities of what it means to be sentient or what it means to be fulfilled.  The Force being described as an endless lattice of connections and warmth, that sounds incredibly wonderful and human to me, that sounds incredibly fulfilling and like everything I could possibly want. That is what the Jedi seek and have found.  That is the foundation of their culture.  That is the culmination of their lives. This is why their relationships are so wonderful and I’m so glad that the iconic Jedi relationships, whether we as fans turn towards shipping them or not, whether we joke about how much you can read into them or not, are ones that are all about other aspects that are just as epic and important. Obi-Wan’s most iconic relationships are with Luke, Anakin, Qui-Gon, Ahsoka.  They’re all incredible ones and it’s not to disparage his feelings for Satine (I love them as a pairing, too!), but that his character is defined more by familial and platonic relationships being just as galaxy-shaking as romantic ones might have been in another story?  That means a lot to me. Anakin is, of course, driven by his romantic relationship with Padme, but think about how important his relationships with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are, ones that don’t have to be seen through the lens of romance.  That the ultimate climax of the prequels was Anakin’s fight with Obi-Wan, a familial connection.  That the ultimate climax of TCW was about Ahsoka’s relationship with Anakin, another familial/platonic connection. Ahsoka is a rising star in the SW franchise and her most iconic connections are with Anakin and Rex, both of which do not have to be interpreted through the romantic/sexual lens, that are complete just as they are presented.  That even when she can no longer be a Jedi, even when that possibility is stolen from her, she still doesn’t need to be defined through romance or sex. Yoda has many important, iconic relationships and is such a central character to the mythos and mythology of Star Wars.  His relationship with Luke is one of the most foundational of the OT, his relationship with Obi-Wan is important when you dig further into the supplementary material, his relationship with Anakin creates some of the most memorable scenes of the prequels.  All without ever having him desire a girlfriend.  Hell, the movies had Yaddle right there and you know what?  She wasn’t Yoda’s girlfriend, he wasn’t her boyfriend, that’s not what they were to each other, because they didn’t really seem to have any desire for that. THAT’S ONE OF THE REASONS I LOVE THE JEDI.  They show compassion and care and love all over the place, but they do it through George Lucas’ views on how people should strive to be, and they do it not through romance, but through friendship and helping others and seeking greater understanding of self-knowledge and artistry through the Force, and none of that should ever make them lesser, just as aromantic and asexual people seeking those same things does not make them lesser. We are people who love just as much as anyone else, we have fulfilling and wonderful lives, I don’t know any aro/ace person who would really even want to change themselves, we find ourselves to be perfectly fantastic the way we are.  I don’t feel some part of me is missing, I don’t feel I’m less interesting because I’m aro/ace, I love being the way I am.  I love how much my friends and family mean to me, I love how much joy I get out of caring for animals or helping other people or even simply yelling about Star Wars with them.  My connections to people are just as wonderful as anyone else’s, regardless of how they’re not in the romantic/sexual category. And, so too are the Jedi.

[evasbr]

A little fix it story

I just can’t get over the episode and needed to write about them and wanted to share for everyone who’s interested to read it and as desperate as me LMAO. Just want to say quickly beforehand, I took out the Maya part and changed the conversation, it’s not completely taken from the clip, FYI. But now, hopefully you’ll enjoy the story. I’d love to have you share your opinions on it, feel free to say whatever. Lots of love to you guys out there. Without further ado, have fun reading!!

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"Are you serious? You're running away now?" "What did you expect me to do? Sorry, but I'm not putting up with your bully squad and parties and all that, I barely recognize you anymore. I feel like you're a whole other person." "They're my family Fatou. They might not be perfect, and they made their mistakes, but they're family, and I'm here to help them. Glad to know you're so fed up with it. I tried telling you about it, you know, but you wouldn't listen." the exasperation in her voice evident. "When exactly? Because back there you openly rejected me, and now you just started even addressing it." "All the time, I've been going out of my way, opening up for you." "Sorry, but when have you exactly been opening up? I don't see it. You've been running away when I needed you." Fatou practically screamed, her emotions overtaking, beginning to cloud her judgment. She had to keep it together somehow. But her resolve was cracking, she was falling apart at the seams. "You wouldn't talk to me. You know in my world that's how conflicts are solved, by communication. And I feel like you don't really want to talk to me nor want me in your life." there was a certain desperation in her voice now, the tears more than visible and the vulnerability tangible.

Fatou laughed at that, leaving a dumbfounded Kieu My staring at her as if she had just smacked her in the face right then and there. "Sorry, it's just funny looking back at how long I've been practically pining after you. At that dance, I didn't just see you dance, I saw your interactions and your smile, that goddamn cute smile and I fell for you right there. I tried getting to know you casually, but as you noticed, I was way too nervous, you made me so damn nervous. Then I wanted to confess, but you kissed that dude and that kinda broke my heart back then. I mean you know what came after that, but I've never felt this happy and comfortable with someone in my life, without knowing them for long. That's rare, and it's just funny, I guess, how you couldn't see that." there was no turning back now, she laid everything out in the open, more vulnerable than ever and the fear in the back of her mind was pounding painfully, more scared than ever of losing it all now. Kieu was even more dumbfounded now, opening and closing her mouth a few times but seemingly at a loss for words. So she continued explaining herself. "You know I'm so sick of fighting, everything is going south right now. The cash queens, my family, school, my job, that I just lost, and now us. I don't even know where to begin with all the problems." she didn't know how to explain it, didn't want to dwell on her problems and make it seem like the end of the world, but she needed her to know somehow. Albeit the difficulty of opening up, she had managed to pull through, and honestly, she felt proud to have taken that step at least, no matter the outcome. Because it felt good, so good to let it all out. "I didn't know that" she finally replied, nearly in a whisper, while coming closer. "Can we please just talk about this and get it out of the way, I hate fighting, and you know, I do wanna be with you. I've been wanting that for so long. The thing is, I hate confrontation and I hate talking about my problems and putting them on others, which is why I didn't say anything. But nothing works out right now, and I'm getting so fed up with it. I'm sorry for not being there the way you needed me to, I've been so caught up with everything, and it's just hard to even see everything that's going on. I feel so overwhelmed 24/7" At that Kieu My hesitantly reached out, put her hands in Fatou's carefully, looking at her, gauging for a sign of rejection, before pulling her into an embrace. Seeing the clear distress, and hearing her finally open up about her problems, she didn't want to leave her standing there. So they stood there for what felt like forever, not wanting to let go. She put aside all the worries of the last weeks and decided not to dwell on it for now. It was the first step in the right direction. Fatou buried her face in Kieu Mys shoulder, crying, letting the tears that have built up for all this time just roll down her cheeks and soak Q's coat, not even caring a single bit about it. Kieu My in return kissed the side of her head, caressing her, trying to comfort her. "I just, I've been caught up in my own world too. You know, you didn't talk to me, and I've been really scared you don't even want this. I just need to know where I stand sometimes." she whispered, still embracing her. "I'm sorry Kieu My, I really am, God sometimes I feel like a bowl with a thousand holes you know? And then I forget everything around me, even the important stuff. Which is the reason why I fucked up my job, friendships, and everything. I'm sorry I didn't open up." Fatou eventually said, pulling back to look at her. "It's fine Fatou, and I'm also sorry for just assuming how to handle your problems, I shouldn't have done that. I guess we both need to work on communication and I want you to know that I'm here for you, ok? But please talk to me." "I'll try my best, I promise." "Now, um, do you still want to leave? I'd get it, with Constantin, you know, but I would be happy to have you stay. I wanted to call this off in a bit anyway. He needs to go home and rest. Would you mind coming up with me again?" "If you're not gonna push me away again, sure." she said with a humorous expression, letting her know she didn't really mean it that way.   Q just laughed at that, but still, there was an underlying worried expression and Fatou just knew what must've been going through her head and that she needed to assure her. She told her how she felt and for once, she had actually listened because this was important to her. If she wanted to know, she'd gladly tell her, no matter how often, because Kieu My was worth it. She was worth the effort. And she should be. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. And I want you to know that I'm not here for your looks, nor your party persona. I like and want you just the way you are Kieu My and I want us to be on good terms. So yeah I'm coming up, and I want to give your friends a chance and help you clean up. Don't worry about it" she assured her, carefully reaching for her hand, caressing her knuckles. When Kieu My just stared at her, practically in awe she couldn't help but make a joke. "You want us to freeze to death first or should we head up before they're starting to worry?" She smiled shyly at that, while nodding her head. It was one of those beautiful smiles that she fell in love with in the first place. But before they could enter the apartment Kieu My held her back pushing her closer to herself until there was no space left anymore, and she kissed her passionately, up until the point of no return. Fatou pulled back, completely out of breath, after what felt like forever, their foreheads touching, while she whispered "Let's talk later about everything ok? But if we're continuing now, I might not be able to make it into the apartment." She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat. With one final peck, saying more than any words could, she let her know it was all going to be good. Intertwining their hands, smiling at her reassuringly, she led her back into her apartment. Fatou could've never imagined the night to go this way, honestly, she didn't even know what to expect, but certainly not this. But she wasn't one to complain, and she couldn't be happier, feeling Kieu Mys hand in hers, still intertwined while she talked and laughed with her friends. Looking up into the sky, seeing the stars shine brighter than ever, she thanked the universe for having found her and taking another sip of the drink Ismail has made for her, she felt positive, yet nervous about what's to come this night, but she wasn't worried anymore. And she felt a little less stressed, and like she accomplished at least something in her life. It would all be good, and she couldn't help the giddy smile at that thought.

[bat-ly]

Back To School

Characters: Dick Grayson, Cassandra Cain, Bruce Wayne

Summary: Cassandra finally convinces Bruce to let her go to school and is really excited to start her first day at Gotham Academy. However, she's about to find out that even if you're not directly bullied you can still be hurt.

A/N: Long time no see guys!         

Anyway, this is something I've been working on for a while and I'm really proud of it. I believe my writing has improved a lot from when I started this AU and I think this is my best work yet.

It is also something that's deeply personal to me. This is sort of a vent fic and me projecting my struggles on to Cassandra and Dick, that said almost all of the scenes in this story are loosely based on my own experiences as an undiagnosed person who possibly has ADD or Autism (still not sure, to be honest.)

Fair warning for anyone reading: THIS STORY CONTAINS ABLEIST LANGUAGE INCLUDING THE R SLUR AND OTHER ABLEIST BEHAVIOURS IF THIS UPSETS YOU THEN DON'T READ.

Also for anyone interested there is more stuff in this AU that I would like to upload onto Tumblr at some point but for now, you can find it here.

"Are you sure you want to this sweetheart?" Bruce asks for what is probably the hundredth time already. A look of concern is painted on his face as he helps Cassandra pack all her new school things into her new school bag. "it's not going to be easy."   

Cassandra raises an eyebrow up at him before signing "When has anything in my life ever been easy?" She turns back to what she was doing, far too excited to be upset over Bruce's overprotectiveness.   

She is finally going to school! A real school! After months of begging and pleading and proving herself ready for the experience over and over again, Bruce finally caved and enrolled her at Gotham Academy, the same place all her siblings had gone!  

 "I know but this is going to be an entirely different set of skills." Cassandra sighs having heard this argument already. "Ones that you haven't had as much experience in." He pauses what he was doing to reach over and place his hands on Cassandra's cheeks, bringing them up to look him in the eye. "I know I keep saying the safe stuff over and over but I just can't help but worry, this will be a big change for both of us."   

Cassandra puts her hands to his and allows her face to ease into a soft smile. "I know you worry. We will survive this." She is well aware her speaking grammar still isn't perfect but as long as her point makes it through then she doesn't really mind too much. Gently pulling away from Bruce she puts the final item in her backpack before zipping it up and placing it on her back in a triumphant looking pose.   

Bruce looks at her almost wistfully. "Yes, I believe we will." He takes a moment to collect himself. "You look amazing, dear."    

Cassandra beams up at him, grabbing him by the wrist in order to drag him out to the driveway where Alfred was already waiting with the car. There's a bounce in her step as she makes her way down, dragging her reluctant father with her. It was small moments like these when she felt they could almost be like a normal family.  

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

After arriving at the school it took forever to get Bruce to let her go and finally enter the school, she could have sworn he was almost on the verge of tears. Well, at least he was putting on a very convincing fatherly act. Just like she managed to convince him she wasn't overwhelmed by the amount of people. 

Cassandra would be lying if she said that being completely packed in by so many people didn't make her nervous, it was ingrained into her very being to be cautious in possibly problematic situations.  However today was not for being an assassin or vigilante, today was for being a student.   

The first class is… odd, or at least it feels odd to Cassandra. As soon as she enters the room people are looking and noticing her presence. Then the teacher, a greying but in denial about it woman, comes up to her with a smile that might've actually been faker then Bruce at a gala.   

"Hello," she says far too loudly, "you must be Cassandra, welcome to Gotham Academy." The sickly sweet tone of her voice and slow way of stretching each word made it seem like she was trying to communicate with a 3-year-old. The way she bent down to Cassandra's level didn't help either.   "

Uh, h-hello?" The teacher's body language is throwing her off. Surely this is considered weird by society standards?   

"We are so excited to have you here." The teacher moves to pat one of the nearby desks. "We've already set up a nice spot at the front for you to sit, is that okay? Cassandra finds it annoying how long it is taking just for this woman to finish a sentence but figures it'd be rude to say something.  

Not really knowing how exactly to respond to the teachers' obvious lies Cassandra just nods her head and walks over to her new assigned desk. Weird teacher aside she's excited to find that the classroom looks a lot like the ones in the movies.   

The walls are relatively bland and plain, the only decoration being a variety of different informational posters relating back to the room's main subject. The desks are all set up in neat, uniform lines with the only other thing on the floor being the students' bags.  Cassandra's desk is covered in all sorts of different scribbles and scrawl, most of it inappropriate she believes.   

Once Cassandra has sat down the teacher crouches in front of her desk and gives her that borderline terrifying smile. "Now sweetie, if you're struggling with anything you just ask, okay?" She's still talking in that annoyingly slow way and gives an exaggerated nod on almost every word.   

Cassandra still didn't know how she was supposed to react to this so again she chose to just nod her agreement. Finally, the teacher leaves her to unpack her things and continues on with the lesson. Fortunately, the rest of the period goes ahead in fairly ordinary manner.  

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Recess! Finally, it was recess! Bruce was actually right in saying that Cassandra would already know the majority of the regular school curriculum, but she still found the experience educational in its own way. However, after being cramped up in those small desks for over two hours, she was still glad to be getting a break.  

 Cassandra joins the flowing river students as they make their ways down the hall and outside. The weather was fair and warm, which was relatively rare for Gotham, so everyone wanted to make the best of it. Once out in the school break area, Cassandra is confronted with a large selection of possible sitting areas.   

Of course, Cassandra knew that this was possibly going to be a difficult situation considering she wasn't the greatest at making new friends but she figured the best she can do is just find somewhere to sit and let things naturally take their course from there.   She finds a nice bench in the sun near a large group of kids who all seemed to be fairly decent. They're talking very loudly and Cassandra can't help but listen to their conversation.   

"Hey! Did you hear about the shit Raz pulled in Maths today?" a tall, dark-haired boy calls out to one of the others.   

"Aw yeah, I swear he must be retarded or something!" Cassandra instantly goes completely still as soon as she hears this.  

 That's a bad word. Dick told her that's a bad word. A bad word used to describe people like him and her, what was the official name he called it? An ableist slur, she thinks it was. Cassandra tunes back in to hear all of the other kids in the group laughing like it was nothing.  

 Deciding that perhaps these kids just weren't as good as they first appeared Cassandra thinks that maybe it's best if she just ignores them and tries to focus on just eating her lunch and enjoying the nice weather.   

However, Cassandra could not ignore it when she hears the group start making jokes specifically about Autism. Not quite hearing the whole original exchange, she looks over and listens intently only to find that the kids are mocking each other by calling each other Autistic.  

 Cassandra feels such strong, sick feeling of disgust in her stomach that she just has to get up and leave the area. It was horrible! How could they make a joke out of an entire group of people like that!? And everyone was just okay with it?   

Cassandra moves herself to a nice, quiet tree away from any major groups of kids, where she can do her best just to put those awful kids out of her mind. She chooses not to finish her sandwich out of fear that the sick feeling in her stomach would just make her puke it up. 

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

The sick feeling that Cassandra had felt during the first break only got worse throughout the rest of the day as she realized that those were not just a particularly bad group. Now that she had heard it once Cassandra couldn't help but notice that everyone showed the same behavior.   

Worse was that she couldn't seem to find anyone who seemed to care or think that this behavior was wrong. No one seemed to exhibit any bodily behavior that indicated they were uncomfortable with this. Apparently mocking people who have no choice in how that act is completely normal and accepted in school.   

She sees kids making fun of how some people stim, waving their arms around exaggeratedly and laughing about it. She hears many more kids like the ones in the first break who feel the need to use Autism as a way to insult their friends. Most upsetting was the fact that almost every kid in all of her classes felt the need to say… The R word.   

As the day goes on Cassandra continuously shrinks further and further into herself. After having someone as amazing and confident as Dick to guide her through the ups and downs of having Autism she never thought she would say that she was ashamed to be Autistic, ashamed to be different.   

She refuses to interact with anyone just in case someone makes fun of her for her speaking difficulties or her use of sign language. She never puts her hand up to read for the class, noticing how everyone groans and rolls their eyes whenever a slow reader is picked.   

And whenever she feels the urge to stim or flap, she resists. It's torture to not be able to let out her pent up emotions like that but for the first time in her life, Cassandra feels like these differences she has mean something is deeply wrong with her.  

 What Cassandra is not ashamed to say is that by the time that school ends she's ready to just go home and cry. This whole time the biggest thing her and Bruce had been worried about was the possibility of bullying, yet no one said a bad thing to her and she still feels like running home in tears.   

She makes her way out to the car that Alfred is sitting in the front of, opens the door before throwing her bag, and herself, into the seat. Unfortunately for her, Bruce is sitting on the opposite side, surely waiting to hear all about her first day at school.  

"Sooo… how was it?" Cassandra could see the tension in his body, waiting for the verdict. She knows that if she says a single bad thing out loud Bruce would start a campaign to get her out of school, which she isn't ready to give up on yet, but she doesn't know if she has it in her to fake a good day.   

"Fine. It was fine." School has made her painfully aware that she is failing in the speech department so she does her best to talk with proper grammar. She knows it won't be enough to fool him, but she hopes it's enough to convince of her need for some privacy.   

It works, at least for now, Cassandra senses Bruce's withdrawal but also his heavy concern. This will not be the last they speak of this. But until then Bruce is willing to respect Cassandra's privacy and leave her alone until she's ready to talk. They spend the rest of the drive in silence, the tension thick in the air. 

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Instead of taking her usual patrol route that night Cassandra starts the journey to Bludhaven instead. She knows Bruce will be willing to cover for her with the others should they question her absence and right now she just really needs to talk with someone.   

Hopefully, he'll be home tonight. It'll make things a lot more difficult if Cassandra has to go running all around Bludhaven just to find him. She makes her way to his apartment, keeping to the shadows so none of the late night crowd would notice her.   

Once she reaches the window there's music playing from inside accompanied by a carefree voice. Hoping that he doesn't have any guests over, Cassandra approaches the window and gives it a loud tap. The singing stops and, after face appears in the window, so does the music.   

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company, Princess?" Dick grins as he opens the window. Just the sound of his voice calling her that personal nickname makes her feel instantly more at ease. He waves her inside before closing the window and turning to give her a hug.   

She knows he notices how she squeezes him a little tighter than usual because he leads her over to his worn, second-hand couch and sits her down.   

"Is something wrong? I heard you started school today," the concern is obvious on his face and she's just ready to spill her guts to him.   

"Why am I wrong?" she whispers. She doesn't know any way else to tell him, why is she wrong? Why can't she be like the other kids? Why is it so normal to hate people like them, who have no choice or control over how they act?   

A look of pure shock passes over Dick's face, "What?" Cassandra hates that look, it makes her want to break down in tears, to just let him see every exposed and vulnerable part of her so he can kiss it better. Just like he always does as an inside joke whenever one of them gets hurt.   

"The other kids… at school.." saying it is just too hard for her right now so she switches to ASL, "None of them seem to know… they treat our disorders like a joke."

Dick's expression falls into one of dismay. "Cass… Princess that doesn't make you wrong," He looks away and sighs, "It seems like since forever people have always just… never known how to react to something they perceive as different"   He turns back to Cassandra and gives her a soft smile, "If anything it's them who's in the wrong, for refusing to even try to understand."  

Cassandra feels her lip quiver and knows that her eyes must be swelling up as well, "But I feel like such a failure of a human."

  Dick thinks for a moment, shifting his position on the couch, "Do you want to know what someone told me when I was feeling this way?" Cassandra looks at him with curiosity and nods. "Well, they reminded me of something very important."   

Dick moves to cup Cassandra's face in his hands, looking her directly in the eye, "They reminded me that we are not broken or failures, we're just different."   

This opens the floodgates as tears start to run down Cassandra's face and don't seem to stop. She breaks Dick's hold and moves in to hold him as tightly as she can. A reassuring hand reaches to rub soothingly on her back as she finally gets the chance to just let it all out.   

They stay there for what seems like hours, just Cassandra sobbing in Dick's arms until she simply runs dry, then they stay together a bit longer. Until Cassandra is asleep and Dick tucks her into bed before hopping in beside her, still not quite ready to let go yet.