#just a vent post

[devondespresso]

i will not dedicate hours to explaining that & pairings are not the lower-focus version of romantic pairings, i will not dedicate hours to explaining that & pairings are not the less important version of romantic pairings, i will NOT--

[finalfrontierpioneer]

tbh 911 gave me the ick with this cheating with the dead wife's doppelganger plotline, like maybe it'll be great tv but i don't wanna watch eddie self destruct for the 3rd time while buck dates a boring white carbon copy of him

i know the season's not over yet, but this last episode massively popped the balloon that was my excitement for next season. it just immediately feels like a very serious and fucked up plotline that they're not gonna do justice. and like now i know eddie's still gonna be fuckin miserable come fall and if tommy's still around i'm gonna have to find more tags to block just to avoid it

(not closing and not saying buddie is hopeless now, just venting! lol)

[mulberriesandtea]

as much as i would love to do music again, every time i try i just keep getting reminded that i've lost so much of my ability to write it or even vaguely understand chords. that i'm struggling with transitions and making anything longer than a bad sounding loop because of how harshly i dropped it after everything happened. and god, i would love to make music again. but it just doesn't make me happy making it anymore, and i don't know where i could get that passion back. it's just frustrating.

[ithinkwehitametaphor]

I feel completely overwhelmed with everything at the moment. I don't even have the energy left to talk to my friends anymore. I don't know how to handle this life. If something shows on my MRI on Thursday, I need more sickleave and probably also surgery. Which now threatens my income and my job. If nothing shows on the MRI, I might have to go back to work but still have no clue where the pain is coming from. And on top of that I am having a depressive episode. And I don't know how to defeat my anxiety to even go on the train to show up at work in the first place. I'm overwhelmed with organizing doctor's visits and sickleave and pain medication and managing my depression and anxiety. I'm overwhelmed with earning a living and providing for the future. I can't even wash my clothes without bursting into tears. Things are just fucking great.

[toxicradqueercesspit]

HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN OVER TRANSCANCELLED DYSPHORIA, HURT ME OR KILL ME I SWEAR TO GOD SOMEONE HAS TO MAKE A CALL OUT POST RIGHT NOW OR ILL FUCKING KILL MYSELF

[shavri-ffxiv]

I don't know how to feel when a friend says they forgot to invite me to go do in-game stuff. Things happen, but also am I really that unimportant and an afterthought to be forgotten so easily? I was available, online, could have gone if I knew, but only found out when they shared a shot of their group posing together after finishing a trial.

I dunno. Probably best to to stay in my corner and gpose by myself, I suppose.

[toon-topaz]

Being openly disabled and setting boundaries accordingly really shows you people’s true colors huh

[aceywacyyy]

a little vent (sorry)

life has been really hard on me. idk what to do, making choices isnt something im good at, especially when it depends on who i lose in my life. i have no idea what to choose. mostly everyone that is involved is mad at me sorta, i wish they would just listen to me

i love my boyfriend, but i love my best friend too. i need them both in my life they mean so much to me, but one got hurt from another, and i couldnt even step in. idk why i didnt. im so scared of losing the ppl i love. im so ashamed of myself, why didnt i do something????? if i wasnt so dumb none of this wouldve happened. i wish that everything was normal

i want to live with my dad, idk what to do. she said if i live with him i'll loose everything. i dont want to lose anybody or anything. i just want peace. i sound like a broken record saying im sorry all the time, but i mean it. i have no idea what im doing anymore. im scared i'll make the wrong choice. i want peace and quiet. i dont want drama i just wish i kept my mouth shut, but my boyfriend was the only person i felt like i could go to.

i want to have peace

i know its my fault, im not denying it at all. it should be me that gets punished, not him.

if i could get a way to make sure i make everything alright i'll find one, but i dont think there is.

i dont wanna lose aaron or rylie. i need them both. im so sorry.

[cookinguptales]

"wow, I feel bad that I haven't posted anything in a month... especially because people are waiting on a couple of those fics... I feel like I'm just taking up space if I'm not producing anythings, so--"

dear self, you've had three big work deadlines this month and you've been working hard. you posted 250k words last year and that's plenty. you can write all the fic you want once you've had time to decompress a little.

-- love, yourself (who will smack you with a flyswatter again, don't test me)

[ben-the-hyena]

Me, one of the few Cuphead fans not wanting a new Cuphead season because 1B and 1C were disappointments and knowing it would only get worse and worse, being content now it finally ended as the majority of the fandom is not letting go and harrassing Netflix as if they would listen

[total-fandom-tr45h]

Vent: Feel free to ignore

I really need to get over this slump and get my ass back into writing gear. I keep saying I'm going to write things, get excited and outline them, then just.... don't start them. What's worse is I really want to write, but I just keep letting myself get distracted when I'm not busy, and I won't be able to do much of anything for a week because I have to clean our garage to get all of our stuff out of our storage unit that we almost lost.

But I have so many ideas and fics to write, with the want to write but little to no motivation. I feel like I'm letting people down, since it's been months since I've updated my fics and I have things promised to people I still need to write but I just can't find the motivation. It's incredibly discouraging, and doesn't help the constant feeling of inadequacy I have regarding my work no matter the amount of praise I receive.

I really gotta get off my ass. I love writing and it's fun- I don't feel like it's a job or obligation, but I feel bad that I have nothing to show for all the promises I've made.

[hero-in-high-tops]

Aaaaaaand now I apparently won't be able to meet with my therapist again since federal laws are prohibiting patients from meeting with therapists in states where they aren't licensed. Do you know how hard it was to actually find a therapist I trusted and liked? And now all that is fucking gone because life loves just piling it on for me. But yeah no it gets better, life is worth living, bite me

[selfish-saturniidae]

I had a dream that a dispensary opened across the street from me and they would make custom blunts. I got a huge backwoods stuffed with a gassy Indica and bright blue violets. I could taste it in the dream and it was incredible.

It’s been over 4 months for me since my last hit and the cravings are so strong I dream about them now. I would give my left hand for even the shittiest pre roll rn. I haven’t felt this pathetic since my first week of sobriety

[sacha-da-1]

Why do some people hate lgbt people so much? I’m so tired.

[straightonuntilmorning]

tw: vent post

lately i’ve been thinking about the ridge. in the winter i would drive out there and sit, sometimes for hours but i haven’t been back out in a few months. but lately ive been thinking about it again.

how easy it would be to drive out there, long after my love is asleep, and to let myself fall. no one would find me until morning and i could finally be at rest.

i used to have these thoughts often but it was more fragmented. i thought about falling more then i thought about dying. and i would remember my family, my soulmate, my love. and the thoughts would fade.

but recently i’ve been thinking about it again. the ridge. how i could give my love the sun earrings that she loves, the ones she always steals from me. my soulmate would get back all the paintings they’ve made me. my family will receive the books that used to line my walls back home.

i will clean my room before i die. to make it easier on my love and on my family. i will write a few letters and then i will spend a perfect day with them. i will kiss my love lightly and laugh with my parents and hug my soulmate. i will drive out to the ridge, long after they’re all asleep, and watch the stars. and then i will finally be able to rest.

[shavri-ffxiv]

Bless the consistent couple of people who interact with my pics, thank you!

Tumblr has been pretty awful for any sort of interaction with my posts, and that's such a major bummer. I feel less and less inclined to post here when I get more notifications from bots than genuine people. :(

I think maybe this platform isn't really for me, so I'm going reduce my updates. Managing more than one social media platform is rough, and even more so when it doesn't feel worth the time.