#just barely awake

[morganski-19]

Chills Right to the Marrow Part 17

part 1, prev part

Wayne’s hands are clenched so hard they’re starting to hurt. Wrapped around the wrist of burning anger. His nephew’s eyes boring into his soul, filled with confusion. Resentment and fear.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Eddie was supposed to wake up slowly. Calmly. Surrounded by people he loved. Bringing him back into a world he was almost lost to. There were going to be questions, there were going to be answers. But, anger, Wayne was refusing to believe it.

“Son, calm down,” he tries to reason with the anger in Eddie’s eyes. “You’re not in danger here.”

Eddie’s eyes blink blankly. As his nostrils flare with struggled breaths. Arm pulling away from Wayne’s, trying to break free.

“Fuck you,” he mutters. With all the energy in his soul. Taking everything to insult instead of praise.

In his heart, Wayne knows that these words aren’t true. That the confusion and pain is lacing Eddie’s speech. Keeping him from seeing things properly. Keeping him from reducing that instinct deep in his mind to run and fight.  

Eddie’s always been a runner, ever since he was a kid. Ran away from home all the time to get away from the world. To the woods, to the quarry. Any place where he could get some peace and quiet from the taunts and threats. Where it was just him and his mind, however restless they were. Where he could forget about it all for a while.

It wasn’t a surprise to Wayne that Eddie ran that night. He would have done the same thing. But part of Wayne wishes that Eddie had come to him. So they could figure it all out together. Make a plan that could have saved him from this tormented state. Kept him alive without this ongoing pain.

He sees it in the way Eddie becomes so exhausted from the fight that he falls asleep. Arm finally laying to rest in Wayne’s grip. Body relaxing and returning to the peace Wayne craves for him. Not knowing how much of it will come in the future.

The nurse reinserts the IV into Eddie’s arm. As he pulled it out shortly after gaining consciousness. Scared by the hospital setting. By Wayne. By everything.

Eddie isn’t awake quite yet, Wayne tells himself. There is no way his boy could be awake and angry at him like this. He doesn’t want to believe it.

“Why don’t we talk outside,” the nurse says to him kindly. Sharing a small piece of sympathy with him.

Wayne stands without wanting to. Part of himself glued to that chair, forever stuck in that moment. Where the kind eyes he’s raised were hidden away.

“I am truly sorry for what you just saw, I’m sure it was jarring.”

All Wayne can do is cross his arms and nod. Listening carefully to the nurse with his eyes fixed on the door’s window.

“This form of anger and confusion is not uncommon for patients waking from a coma. Often times, they experience a form of amnesia that takes away the memories right before they came here. And after the brain loses consciousness for as long as Eddie’s has, it can cause more confusion than answers. He doesn’t mean what he says and does, it’s just his body’s response.”

“This amnesia,” Wayne swallows. “How long will it last?”

The nurse makes a sorry expression. “It varies. For some patients, only a few hours, for others, a few days. But now that Eddie’s awake, he’s been healing much faster than the doctor first anticipated. I have no doubt that it will pass soon.”

Wayne nods, thanking the nurse for her time. She leaves him standing in front of the door. Wagering how much pain his heart can take today, and whether he can stand to sit in that chair any longer.

His feet lead him to the payphone. Pulling out just enough quarters for one call, and a crumbled piece of paper with a number scrawled on it. The ringing in the phone reminding him of the sounds outside his head.

“Yeah.” The voice on the phone greets.

“Is this Jim? It’s Wayne. Munson.”

There’s a slight chuckle across the line. “I know who you are, Wayne. Yeah, it’s me. How can I help you?”

“I’m not quite sure. Don’t quite know what’s goin’ on, or why I called you. Just needed some company, I guess.”

“How about you come over to my place,” Jim says after a pause. “If that’s alright with you. We can have a chat with a change of scenery.”

Wayne lets out a shaky breath. “I think that would be nice.”

Jim relays his address before hanging up the phone. Wayne repeating it under his breath as he drives. Not wanting to forget it. The gas light blinking at him as it crawls towards empty. He can’t think about that now. There are already too many things on his plate.

A woman with a warm, inviting smile answers the door. Invites Wayne into the house with the promise of a cup of coffee, leading him to the back yard. Where Jim sits on a chair mismatched from the others. Staring off into the woods.

“Have a seat,” Jim offers with a cigarette.

Wayne takes it with more indulgence than should be necessary. His empty pack still burning a hole in his pocket.

“The weather’s been really nice these last few days, starting to really warm up.”

Wayne releases a long breath, letting the smoke fill the air in front of him. “I guess so.”

He hasn’t really taken notice.

“You meet Joyce?”

Wayne nods.

“Thing is between the two of us,” Jim motions back to the house. “Is that we both know what it’s like to have a kid go through all this hospital bullshit. We know the kind of pain that it brings, seeing them hurting and being helpless to it. It’s not something you’re alone in.”

That doesn’t stop him from feeling alone. Like he’s walking a path rocky and untamed. Vulnerable in ways he’s not used to and afraid to be. Wanting to be the strong pillar for those around him, but cracking in the foundation.

The grass crushes under footsteps as Joyce approaches. Places the mug on the table with stolen diner sugar packets and creamers.

“I didn’t know how you liked it, so I brought options.” She sits beside Jim, folding her hands in her lap. “I heard about Eddie. I’m so sorry. It’s terrible that he’s going through this.”

Wayne nods, staring at the table. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

“When my Will first went missing, it was the worst day of my life,” Joyce continues. Bringing her own experience to the table. “I didn’t know where he was, or if he was hurt. How he was going to be when he got back. It’s something I would wish on no parent. At any age.”

There’s this anger that wants to block out what she’s saying. Scream that she doesn’t know his situation. Doesn’t know the pain he’s in. How could she, his situation was unique to him.

But so is hers. And so is Jim’s. And Wayne’s eyes are fixed on a cup of coffee and a cigarette given in kindness. An offering of help for someone who is too proud to ask for it. To admit that this is breaking him.

“Seeing him so weak in that hospital bed,” Joyce speaks through quiet tears. “It was so hard. Seeing him so changed, fighting to stay the same boy that he was before. Knowing that he saw things that I couldn’t even imagine.”

Maybe it was easier to break with people who bear their cracks so openly. Share vulnerabilities so Wayne can be vulnerable too.

“I know what you mean.” Wayne wants to recoil when he hears the wetness in his voice. But he continues. Wanting the burden to be shared so he can breathe a little easier. “Seein’ him today, so full of confusion and fear, it broke me.

“Is he starting to wake up?” Jim asks, genuinely.

Wayne nods, ripping open the sugar packets with shaky hands. “Slowly. I thought it would make it all easier, but it’s not. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to recover from this.”

“You will,” Jim speaks with hardened certainty. “Over time, you’ll start to heal. Forget the pain of the moment. But the real pain, the memories of their faces through all of this, those never quite leave. You just learn to give them less hold over you.”

Joyce reaches and grabs Jim’s hand, threading their fingers together and comforting him. “What matters is that you don’t have to go through this alone. We’re the only people our age who know what really happened, what these kids had to go through. Some of it we don’t. But we make a point to be there for each other, that includes you. It includes Eddie.”

“I appreciate that.”

Wayne lets the coffee cool in his hands. The conversation resulting in silence. Letting the sounds of the forest overtake them. Letting the fresh air travel through their lungs. Wayne finding peace with the forest in front of him. Watching as the birds circle and chirp as the light starts to dim. Returning to their homes for the night.

He knows it’s time to return to his own. Leave Jim and Joyce to their night and stop being a bother. But his home is still a shitty motel that he’s racking the bill up on. Trying to pay as much off as possible when his checks come in, but it’s slim pickings.

And he’s so tired of the isolation. Relaxing into the comforting feeling of sitting in silent company. Or by sitting next to anyone at all. The kindness of somewhat strangers makes Wayne feel more at home than he has in weeks.

Somehow, he ends up inside with a plate of leftovers in front of him. And then on the pull-out couch for the night. Falling in a deep sleep, where he tries to ignore it all for just a few hours. Let his body rest the way it needs.

next part

Note: I'm back! Thanks for being patient during my little break there, I needed it. But I'm back in action and (for once) a little ahead in my writing. We'll see how long it lasts, but it's good for now. Double note: I think that conversation between Jim, Wayne, and Joyce is one of my favorite ones I've written for this fic.

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[aj-agreste]

Do you like movies, anime, video games, and just anything pop culture? Me too! That’s why I, A. J. Agreste, have decided to blab about it on this podcast. On Just Barely Awake, you can listen to my chronically tired self ramble on and on about my various interests.

Instead of gushing about my favorite things into a void, I’ll gush about them into a microphone. And maybe, just maybe, someone out there will enjoy listening to that…for some reason.

My first episode is about the movie Nimona. Feel free to listen to my thoughts!

[dysfunctionalcreature]

just rewatched Dune Part 2 and noticed something, when Feyd Rautha enters the area for his birthday fight, and after he wins the fight, the people in the audience of the arena are chanting his name in a very rhythmic and quite frankly terrifying way - "Feyd Rau-tha! Feyd Rau-tha! Feyd Rau-tha!"

And after Paul kills Feyd Rautha, takes Irulan's hand in marriage, and declares war on the great houses, the Fremen people around Paul begin to chant - "Lisan al Gaib! Lisan al Gaib! Lisan al Gaib!"

They chant for Paul with the same rhythm and ferocity with which the Harkonnen audience chanted for Feyd Rautha earlier in the movie. If that doesn't show Paul's transformation and loss of humanity then idk what does

(also FeydPaul parallels in general yessssss I love every connection between these two fucked up boys, it's tragic that they barely even get ten minutes of screentime together)

[zarla-s]

i bet this has been done before but i wanted to do it anyway so HERE YOU GO

[patreon]

[lmadsadness]

just woke up, half awake and started to draw wavewave (ship artist goals ig >_<)

Shockwave and his daughter, Ravage (based on my shockwave as a cat lover/dad rambling post)

[stardotnet]

"goodnight my dearest friend"

poem in the first image by me. a small memorial for my digital camera that has slowly broken down after years of love & was finally put to rest today

(rip little red, 2009ish - 2024)

[adashulaz]

Guys what if in the episode True Heart, we get a sorvus confession.

Soren has been told he has a good heart by two people. Corvus has always been true to his word.

Corvus is the True while Soren is the Heart.

They get together next season, in that episode and I give yall full permission to put me down like a rabid animal if I'm wrong.

[londonspirit]

Merry freaking Christmas to us all!!!

David Jenkins over on Bluesky

[pchelik-please]

IM REREADING SSTP's ODD OF SURVIVAL AND I LIKED THE MECH'S SO MUCH THAT I WANTED TO MAKE CARDBOTS INTO MECHS.

GUYS, IMAGINE RED BLITZ AS A YOUNG MECH PILOT WHO FINDS / GETS ON SPERANZA AND FINDS THE SPERANZA CREW. I WANT TO PUT HIM INTO A SIMILAR SITUATION AS JAZZ. I WANT THAT RUNT TO BE ADOPTED BY ALIEN ROBOTS AT LEAST 2 TIMES BIGGER THAN HIM. HE'S SO ADOPTABLE.

[twinleaf209]

mizisua kidomomo Do you see my vision

[aj-agreste]

Just in time before the 4.3 update patch.

My review of the Fontaine Archon Quests in Genshin Impact.

Listen on my podcast, Just Barely Awake.

Hope you enjoy!

[dr-gaytorius]

This semester is trying to kill me

[keikoayano]

Something something if Polites managed to survive then Eurylochus and Odysseus would not have had the opposite character arcs that they do by the end of Mutiny bc Polites would have balanced out the extremes something something.

[adashulaz]

I know Soren is probably just in his emo-era rn but just listen to my barely awake thoughts.

What if Sorens hair covering his eye, the one closest to Corvus, actually means something? Maybe he loses an eye or maybe he just doesn't think Corvus trusts him anymore.

But if he does lose an eye, I'm betting on it being Corvus. Not because they fight but because of Aaravos or even the Cosmic Coucil.

Corvus' chain is covered in blood and in front of Aaravos' name so maybe he does something to foil Aaravos' plan. He's observant and would notice something is wrong since he's a tracker and it's part of the job.

We also know that Soren still believes Claudia can be redeemed. Aaravos would probably learn this because Claudia tells him or he figures it out himself and uses it to his advantage. Soren comes to try and get Claudia to listen to him and does a quick spell to be able to see out of Sorens eye or something. Corvus would probably notice this, a spell like that would obviously have some form of change. So Corvus does the only thing he thinks will help and just takes out Sorens eye.

Ultimately foiling Aaravos' plan and probably making Soren feel like Corvus can no longer trust him because Soren was unable to see this himself.

[atsoine]

i'm not zaynyapps

i got an ask about it, i was kinda waiting for it tbh. im not zaynyapps, i know his blog is very similar to my old zain-syscourse one with the zayn malik/one direction theme. but im not him, i prommy. we're actually friends :3

[aalghul]

Arguing about whether Jason was right or not for trying to have bruce kill joker for him or for killing criminals himself is such a waste of time to me. of course he’s wrong. DC has spent decades establishing why even their fantastical universe doesn't allow someone to kill criminals if there is any other way. But that’s not the point and where we mess up the most is not paying more attention to why he would do this, and how to either bring him back from that or send him further away from what he claims to be trying to do.

Morrison, for example, tried the latter and it was….horrible. but that’s mostly because they seemed to genuinely be fucking around with Jason’s whole character. Even I can admit someone else might have handled that better, and I hate the idea of Jason moving away from heroism.

As for the why: there are two parts to that. Jason genuinely wants to control crime so that it hurts less people AND Jason wants bruce to prove his love for him. Two totally separate goals that get mashed together in his head. we can’t pick one and ignore the other because Jason’s own messy lack of separation between those is important here.

Then there’s the option of Jason giving up killing or anything of a similar fashion. Jason can’t do that because he wants to make up with Bruce. Because then we’re making up a solution that came out of nowhere. Because Jason does not want to be on Bruce’s side right now. It wouldn’t motivate him to do anything.