#just in case ill make a similar tag in case i wanna scream again

[stonyponyofficial]

i was tagged by @cyber--grrl to list ten songs with food and or beverage in the title. thanks fer the tag :3

ill also rate how yummy each song is for fun! 😋

1. dog food - 100 gecs: mm yummy girlkibble just for me ^w^ also very yummy song. the beginning gives me goosebumps every time, and the ending vocal noise feels very eating kibblecore.... u agree right? umm 8/10

2. Chocolate Matter - Sweet Trip: if there were something out there generically called like "chocolate flavored matter" i think id eat it. also DELICIOUS song lots of variety and good texture here 9/10

3. Cream Soda no Yuutsu - ......... : ill admit im not much of a cream soda fanatic. nothing against it in fact it sounds quite yummy at the moment i just don't really have it ever. similar feelings about the song. good i just haven't listened to it much.. feels like im on a cream soda beach being soaked in the waves 7/10

4. Lean Beef Patty - JPEGMAFIA, Danny Brown: mmm yumm yummy yummy scaring the hoes for dinner AGAIN fuck yesss 🥰😻 however just a patty? in a state of being .. maybe cooked? could just be raw meat on a plate. hmmmm. while the song would be near perfect yumminess on my Violet Yumminess Scale the title brings it down a lot... ill say 6/10

5. honeydew blue - 800 Cherries: oooh double fruits on this one :3c melons besides the famous wawermelon aren't really my go-to fruit snack but id have a little if u were having some o_o and like u were making it look really good idk... oh and id have a few of those 800 cherries u have too even tho i said i didn't really like those too... also the song is what i hear when im full from a nice fruit meal. and the triannnggllleeee 😩 chews on it. it is metal. i was gonna give this song an 8 but me not liking honeydew that much should not bring it down this song is a 9/10 yumminess

6. Fresh Meat - Diet Tea Other Cola: yet again we run into the clash between song and title yumminess. fresh meat: the song's yumminess comes from dtoc's slick lyrics and how they mix like backing screams into these songs with little midi beats? i think they're an interesting artist but thats for another time. fresh meat: the food however? would maybe not be as yummy i think. 4/10 bleh!

7. Princess Lunas Glorious Grilled Cheese Sandwiches - Cats Millionaire: i would do unspeakable things to a grilled cheese rn. especially if it was one of princess lunas 😳.... isn't my favorite off fun fun fun but is still yummy in its own right! 7/10

8. Hotel Breakfast - Bladee: listen if there's a whole buffet of shitty breakfast food im there. and if there's a bladee song about it im also there. wait he missed the hotel breakfast bc he slept too late? rookie mistake. 6/10 for missing it lol

9. Stir Fry - Migos: mmmmmm im just making myself hungry now. personally id fuck up some stir fry. chunky ass noodles. little corn. shit. and this Migos song? yummy enough to back it up 8/10

10. Piggy Pie - Insane Clown Posse: hmmmm if we're talking like a pork pot pie from the freezer section yeah sure yummy as hell. however im not sure about these fellas food handling credentials or their ingredients..... song is very crunchy and record scratchy and yummy however so to balance all this. a 7/10 yumminess :3

okay here is where i use my summoning spells.... in case anyone would like to show off their yummy songs as well ^w^ u don't have to rate them that was just for me hehe.... u don't even have to make a post we can just think about yummy songs together instead! ummm okay here i goes @numetalpuppygirl @metroid-fusion @transgirlmononoke @malicious-face @toriel-vapes @a-little-bit-poss SHAZOOO spell of increase ur notification number by one

and as always thanks for w

and as always anyone can lie and say i tagged them if they wanna do yummy song game!

[uwuinculta]

EXCUSE ME WHAT

VULPES DATING SIM?????????????????????????? SIMULATOR?????????? HUH????????????

[justice4harwin]

Light’s Corruption-Chapter X

Summary: With few friends at the Little Palace, Alina must work to win the favour of her fellow grisha and their commander, who makes her feel light headed every time she sees him.

After training in Os Alta for two years, the king grows tired of waiting and demands the Sun Summoner joins a western post near the Fjerdan border along with the rest of The Second Army to test her abilities.

Something happens. Suddenly, Alina wants blood to run down the rivers and those who stand in her and The Darkling’s way will be blinded by her light and swallowed by his shadows.

It won’t be pretty.

Pairing: The DarklingxAlina

Rating: 18+

As usual, the tags are in the comments; if you no longer want to be in the list or wanna be added, please don’t hesitate to let me know :)

Click here for chapter 9 in case you missed it :)

Chapter 10: I haven't met the new me yet

 "Again!"

Maybe this wasn’t just training; maybe he was punishing her for her demonstration at the Fete. He had said nothing about the event during the last few days, but Alina knew, somehow, that it was on his mind, and she was nervously waiting for the grenade to go off.

Alina heaved a breath, calling her light and pushing against The Darkling's shadows, but it was to no avail. She couldn't fend them off.

She had her questions, but was a bit afraid to ask. He seemed rather…cold, that particular morning, but she dismissed it as being pissed at the waste of time the Winter Fete was.

"I can't." she struggled to get the words out.

"Do you know what your problem is?" he asked. She couldn't see him, and his voice seemed to be coming from everywhere, as if the shadows themselves were talking. Oddly, this didn't scare her at all.

"What?"

"You do not fully understand light."

Alina snorted.

"I call it and then I lit or melt things. That's it."

"I am disappointed, Miss Starkov." his cool voice made her heart shrink. She didn't want to disappoint him.

"I am an idiot."

"Alright. Enlighten me, then." she said.

He didn't seem to catch the joke, or maybe he just didn't find it funny.

"A real idiot."

"When you light up a lantern, what do you have?"

"Is this one of those instances where the question is so obvious, I'm not even supposed to answer."

"Tragically, no."

She huffed.

"You get light."

"Right. And what does that light casts?"

Alina didn't even have to think about it.

"Shadows."

"Correct. So, that means-"

"I've been trying to destroy your shadows instead of pushing them away?"

"You could destroy them, but let us leave it at pushing for now, yes."

"Oh! I think I get it now."

She closed her eyes -even though it made no difference in the infinite darkness he had casted-, and summoned.

Slowly, she pushed her light to meet, not fight, the shadows, and gently ushered them back, little by little.

When she was done, she could see a giant orb of black and gold around them. Just like the rose he had given her a few months prior.

Alina looked at Kirigan, and something akin to pride shone in his eyes for a moment before it turned off into nothing.

"Good. Again."

Their world went dark once more, but this time, Alina was more excited about it. 

Later that day, Alina shyly sat at the Corporalki table next to Nina. She wasn't sure if the woman was expecting something from her after the events of the previous night, but when she smiled and leaned in to kiss Alina's cheek, she felt herself relax.

She looked over at the Fabrikator's table and frowned.

"Do any of you know where Lada is?" she asked, taking a bite of their awful breakfast. Really, even in Keramzin, with so many mouths to feed, the kitchen staff managed to produce much better things than herring and rye. "I've been wanting to talk to her about those new keftas she's working on."

"She left to go visit her grandmother." Fedyor answered, covering his mouth to speak. "She's ill, I think, and The General gave her permission to go say her goodbyes."

"Oh, that's so sad." she said, sincerely.

"She should've been back a few days ago." Michail added, the only one who seemed to enjoy their meal. "The General will send a party to go find her if she doesn't show up soon."

Nina shifted in her seat and took another bite.

"Do you think something happened to her?" Alina asked, almost concerned for this woman she barely knew. She was Grisha as well after all.

"Maybe." Michail shrugged. "Drüskelle, Shu Han agents, desertion, slavers-"

"Desertion?" Alina asked in disbelief. "From The Second Army?"

Fedyor and Michail moved uneasily in their seats.

"It rarely happens." Fedyor said in a hushed voice. "And The General doesn't like to talk about it. He does it when he has to but…"

Alina nodded, storing the information away.

Desertion from the First Army she could understand. They lacked plenty of things and life was tough in pretty much all the senses life could be. Many times soldiers would go to bed with a half empty stomach, scooting together with a group in an effort to fend off the cold. Many times, Alina would hear them waking up from nightmares with screams that would make a volcra shrink, or seen them in pieces as she passed by the infirmary.

The Second Army however, faced almost none of those complications. They lost soldiers, and a few soldiers even lost a limb or two, but they were well taken care of at the Little Palace; The General always seemed to find something new they could do to occupy their minds. Sure, Alina was learning the game of court, but she'd rather risk her neck behind the Little Palace's walls than risk being taken by the enemy, which desertion would leave you vulnerable to.

"I'm sure she's fine." Nina dismissed with a wave of her hand. "She's never been exactly punctual. And if you want to discuss the keftas, you can always go to David or Dima; they've had a part in the process as far as I know."

Alina settled for that answer.

She would speak to David. She had to talk to him anyways. Genya had delivered the gloves made by him which she rejected, and she wanted to make sure he wasn't offended. Besides, maybe, just maybe, she could help her friend gain some ground with him.

Still, as she ate her breakfast in relative peace, the thought of Lada not appearing at the Little Palace unnerved her. They weren't friends, and maybe she didn't truly have a reason to care at all besides being Grisha like her. Still, something didn't sit right with her.

"Six languages?!" Alina asked Nina as they shared some tea, leaning over the table.

The Heartrender shrugged, her legs resting on the Summoner's lap.

"Yup." was all she said as she took a sip and placed the cup on the carpeted floor.

They were sitting by the fire, and they had been talking most of the early afternoon away. Well, …there had been a little bit more than talking from their mouths, but Alina wasn't duelling on that at the moment, too amazed by the woman sitting next to her.

A few days had passed in a similar manner. Genya was too busy at the Grand Palace to come over, and between her sessions with Botkin and The Darkling, Nina took her chances to spend all the time she could with Alina. The Sun Summoner found herself beginning to form an attachment to the woman, and she was­…content.

"H-how?"

"Part of the job." Nina shrugged.

She bit her lip. "Will I be expected to learn six languages?"

"Probably."

At this, she began to feel her nerves stirring. Nina seemed to sense it.

"I can teach you a little if you want."

"Would you mind?" Alina asked almost too quickly.

Nina smiled. Alina wanted to lean in and kiss her again, but there had been more than enough distraction already from the Heartrender's attributes.

Or had it not?

"Of course not." crossing her arms over her chest, the brunette woman began to ponder. "I'm thinking either shu or fjerdan, for obvious reasons." she said, a finger running under her chin. "But I think fjerdan will be the best choice. Their way of writing is not that much different from ours; the shu language it's much more intricate in that aspect… and every other one."

"Saints." Alina uttered under her breath.

"Oh, no. It's a beautiful language, just hard to learn."

"Good to know." was her dry reply. She sat straight. "So, how do you say 'Grisha' in fjerdan?"

"Drüsje." Nina said, sourly. "It means 'witch'. 'Wej' if they're nice about it, which doesn't happen a lot."

The mood seemed to dim a little.

"Maybe we should've started with something simpler," Alina tried to cheer her up. "Like, 'hello' or 'please, no more waffles'."

"I'll never teach you to say that second one." Nina replied, her voice smooth and fast, making the Sun Summoner laugh.

"He wants you to go riding with him." Genya said promptly, walking in without knocking. She stopped dead in her tracks upon the sight before her, but her face gave indication of nothing.

"Hi, Genya."

"Nina."

The women smiled at each other, and Alina couldn't help but bitterly notice that Nina was one of the few Grisha who didn't look at Genya with disdain.

She smiled. Nina kept on gaining points.

The woman stood up, as did Alina, and eyed the outfit the Tailor held in her arms with one raised eyebrow.

"Well, sun bean, you don't wanna keep Kirigan waiting." she breathed out, coming over and planting a loud kiss upon Alina's lips.

Alina felt herself blush under the presence of Genya, but returned the kiss and gently cupped Nina's cheeks.

When they parted, her heart was beating fast. The Heartrender winked at her.

"See you later, Alina." she nodded to the waiting friend behind her. "Genya."

"Bye."

The woman left, and ever so slowly, Alina turned to find Genya staring at her with worry in her eyes.

"What?" she asked, exasperated. "Nina isn't up to your standards?"

Genya almost smiled, placing the clothes on top of the bed.

"It's not that." she said, fumbling with the fabric. "Just…be careful. For both of your sakes."

Alina was about to refute, but then Genya looked up, blue eyes so full of concern that she took a step back as the words died in her throat.

She didn't question her further and let her friend work on her silently.

 "What do you see?" Kirigan asked as they leaned over a forgotten fountain. The gardeners had clearly disregarded the place, but Alina found that she liked it the way it was. It seemed more natural than the beautifully perfect maze and flower roads.

"A version of me."  Alina tilted her head, watching the water oscillate as the coin sunk in. "A new one. But she's kind of blurry."

"Maybe she is still taking form." The General answered, pulling some branches off of the water and throwing them aside. "One cannot change from one day to the other…most of the time, anyways."

Was he making a joke? Alina wondered, trying to supress her smile.

She turned, elbows on the stone as she watched the snowy picture. It wasn't much, but its wild simplicity appeased her.

"Did you bring me here to berate me?" the question had been on her mind ever since Genya helped her into her blue and gold riding habit and boots. He had said nothing about the matter during the past few days while he trained her, but she had been expecting it at some point.

"Berate you?" he asked, turning towards her, his face questioning.

"About the Fete." Alina offered as an explanation. "I know you were expecting a different type of demonstration, and gloves, and a black kefta but I-"

"Allow me to interrupt you, please." he requested, to which Alina sheepishly nodded. "I did wonder why you would reject such things and suppress your power that night, but after what you told me once the presentation finished…I understood." he said, the last two words solemn as he looked her in the eye. "I must congratulate you, Alina. You truly are a fast learner."

She couldn't help but beam at his praise, heart thundering inside its ribcage, something warm blossoming on her stomach, an odd sensation pulling her towards him, so strong she almost closed the space in between and embraced him, burying her face in his chest.

Had she done a demonstration that was up to her level, the stupid king would make a stupid decision; had she used gloves, the nobility would think her weak. Concerning the black kefta, as much as it was a sign of power and protection, it was also a target, one she didn't want on her back yet. Besides, she didn't think she deserved to wear Kirigan's colour; she wasn't up to his level for now and doing the small show she offered while wearing his colour might slander his name and thereof all the other Grisha.

Blue it was for now, until she felt secure enough of both her powers and station.

"Thank you." she answered, her voice a mere whisper. "I meant it, you know."

"What?"

"When I said I wanted to help you;" he opened his mouth, but she cut him off. "It's true, what you said to me. There's no one else like us, so it would only make sense to share some duties, have each other's backs …if you don't mind, that is." she added the last part quickly, feeling how she was about to lose her nerve. "It could make things less lonely."

General Kirigan watched her closely, head barely tilted to a side, and finally nodded.

"I think that is a good idea, Alina." he then did something she had never seen him do before, and smiled. It was small, and if she didn't know better, she'd say it was tentative. Her heart made a strange jump at the sight, and her cheeks threatened to gain colour but she pushed the feeling away. S

Saints damned that man.

His eyes returned to the waters, so hers followed the same path. "Look. Not so blurry anymore."

Alina looked down, and sure, although the water still undulated, her reflection was slightly clearer.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3, episodes 7-13 thoughts! cannot believe im finishing this series so fast. ...cannot believe it ended like that...uh. one of the weirdest finales to a show I think I've seen, it really stood out against the rest of the series, and not in a good way, in my opinion. I paused to yell in caps lock...several times, I think, out of anger... BUT. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO.

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-the fentons putting the kids to Work in the lab, with NO SAFETY GEAR. AT ALL. THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL AND ARE TIRED!!! and when jack asked how danny his day was and danny tried to say it was bad jack cut him off :( for the 400th time, i am stealing these kids.

-maddie and jack IMMEDIATELY SELLING THEIR LAB AND WORK FOR A LOT OF MONEY. and danny cant get into the portal anymore, oh no!!! he could always just steal vlads I Guess.

-THEY ARE VLADS NEW NEIGHBOR. OH MY GOD. this is a sitcom format. a butler came with the new mansion. i would absolutely try a kiwi fudge milkshake, why is the butler disgusted.

-the..guys in white bought the lab to shoot a missile. into the ghost zone thru the portal. bro i hate these guys

-jazz straight up setting her new bedroom up in the library. i am very very jealous

-"RATED E, FOR ENTRAILS"

-I like how the 14 year olds very quickly realize if the giw destroy the ghost zone itll destroy OUR ZONE because its just. like. the other side of the quarter so to speak. and the giw, a fully funded government agency, didnt consider that...(or worse, are willing to risk that anyway...)

-a...graphic novel version of the constitution? what in the world have you been READING SAM

-'cool, I always wanted to be called a meddling kid!' scooby doo reference...

-can they keep the butler. I love him.

-ecto latte....I also want to try that. is ectoplasm edible...

-YESS I KNEW DANNY WOULD USE VLAD'S PORTAL. vindicated.

-DANNY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK JOHNNY NICELY. STEALING HIS BIKE IS SO SO RUDE.

-youngblood is also into astronaut stuff, thats really cute. and him being like 'phantom, dude!! :D' ALL EXCITED. THATS ADORABLE.

-the slapstick comedy of the giw slipping and falling and running into shit in the lab. is funny, but also, because this lab has NOOO safety codes in practice. god its a wonder dannys the only one to have died here...

-JOHNNY, SKULKER AND YOUNGBLOOD HELPING DANNY!!! I keep saying it but the other ghosts helping him. is my fav thing in the world. and, it's a really good thing the missile in the real world was harmless...otherwise the fentons wouldn't have had a home/lab to come back to...

-WULF WANTED POSTER!!! we havent seen wulfy in so long :( very funny the box ghost is offended by how much these ghosts are wanted for. first off, what do ghosts even DO WITH MONEY. does the ghost zone have its own currency??? what are ghosts BUYING

-the box ghost is So Funny, im so glad hes still got his bubble wrap. u are VERY wanted in THIS house box ghost. you are SO scary king. dont give up on ur dreams

-this needs to be a meme format. I made a transparent version, very very messily, for future use.

-this is a Fellow and a Friend

-box ghost accidentally bringing lunch for everyone, and giving people at the mall free shoes. SHOES ARE SO EXPENSIVE, ID BE SO GRATEFUL. helpful king. i feel SO bad for him lmao, he's putting in SO much effort. he wants the evil aesthetic So bad but hes Just Too Silly. I understand your plight, box ghost....

-oh my god. pandoras BOX. 'THOSE OF US IN THE BOX TRADE' HOW MANY ARE IN THIS BOX TRADE. I WANT IN. pandora is a multi-armed ghost goddess and i love her.

-SKULKER WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM THE EVIL UNICORN?? YOURE A HUNTER!! JUST SHOOT IT!!!!!!! JUST HUNT IT!!!

-box ghost...where did you get the cowboy hat. I respect it, i just want to know

-JAZZ COMING IN WITH THE BAZOOKA TO FIGHT THE 10 HEADED DRAGON!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! and the rest of the fentons I Guess

-ignoring the sam/danny moments. I simple do not see them.

-...why doesnt danny just fly over the maze. or do the whole 'real world people act as ghosts in the ghost zone' and turn back!!! I know its just to show off the ghost greek monster designs. but STILL.

-danny being like. um. hi pandora. i found your box. >< polite...PANDORA IS SO GIANT. GIANT GHOST WOMAN. SHES GOING TO BEAT BOX GHOSTS ASS. another ghost thats nice to danny to add to the list :) and HER FORCING BOX GHOST TO APOLOGIZE. and having sandwiches with danny after making box ghost clean up. I LOVE HER.

-DANNYS 'BEWARE' AT THE END JAKHDJFKN

-okay, when dash pulled out danny's seat and was calling him buddy, for half a second I was like 'this is a prank, hes gonna pull it back' BUT THEN FRIGHT KNIGHT MY BELOVED IS BACK. AND EVERYONE STARTS CHANTING FOR DANNY TO BEAT HIS ASS WITH GHOST POWERS AND DANNY DOES WAY TOO EASILY, and im like, yup, this is a dream LMAO

-danny is getting an A+ in science :) my smart son

-DANNY WAKING UP FROM THE DREAM RIGHT BEFORE KISSING SAM AND BEING LIKE 'that was a dream...no, a NIGHTMARE!' same. not to be a hater but, shouldve been val. maybe I am a hater

-...danny running and checking the 'tapes'...why is his whole house constantly being recorded. hes been in ghost form/fights plenty of times in his house. does he have to run and wipe the tapes after?? every single time?? god

-letting this image speak for itself

-this is SO cursed

-NOCTURN'S DESIGN FUCKS SO HARD. the Venice mask vibes. also his space pattern not moving while the rest of his animation does is big chowder vibes. but this guy is basically the sandman but Evil, huh. I love dream plots. also, nocturn's design feels very similar to clockwork, like, red eyes and a scar over the same eye, but also just the purple, and the Cosmic Vibes. I want to see them fight. anyway nocturn's va was also avatar roku AND alfred in several batman cartoons.

-the 'sleepwalkers' designs were super cute in shape (kinda remind me of oogie boogie! pillow-cased shaped, which is appropriate for the 'king of dreams's minions) until I looked closer at their eyes. why do they look sewn shut!! (they open their eyes a few times, so they aren't, but they look like it...)

-I like how this show has been pretty consistent (with a few exceptions) about a Ghost Being Huge (or getting larger) = Very Powerful

-2 months of summer camping??? wtf, do camping things usually take that long?? I've never been to a camping...thing like that. but isnt that basically their entire summer??

-'the entirety of nature is your bathroom!' and thats why I do no camping despite loving nature LMAO.

-sam, at least TRY TO BE NICE TO THE OTHER GIRLS YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHARING A CABIN WITH. also, the amount of times people in this show have their SHOES ON THE BED!!! IM DISGUSTED

-swamp creature Is A Ghost. Big Foot is a Ghost. starting to think in this universe, every single cryptid or legend is a Ghost Actually

-paulina crying not only because star is missing, but because SHE FORGOT HER SUNBLOCK AND SHE BURNS SO EASILY!!!! okay girlfriends

-ghost cops are the real monsters at the camp. i.......I mean. fair. no one missed you walker

-WULF!!!!!!!!!!! WULF IS BACK!!!!!!!! MY FRIEND WULF :D MI AMAS VIN!!!!! kaj danny lernis Esperanto :)

-'relax kid, we arent here to do any harm' *immediately shoots danny* yeah. ghost cops. and also danny bringing walker 'wulf' and walker IMMEDIATELY SUCKING DANNY IN A THERMOS. FUCK OFF

-haha walker Bald. and haha walker Frozen Now

-the fenton thermos can...reverse its polarity to close portals? okay

-LIBERA MIA AMIKO. :")

-ohhh they end the ep with them star gazing, thats pretty cute...

-dani is back! ...with a new voice actress? wiki says AnnaSophia was in 3 diff movies in 2007 when this aired, so she was probably too busy... (including, bridge to terabithia aka the movie that ripped my heart out that I mentioned in the first ep Dani was in...kinda wanna rewatch it now)

-shes still scared of vlad, who's still being creepy and spying on her. 'shes hardly going to come home to daddy!' I WONDER WHY. also does vlad's cat look more evil than last time? love the concept of him going shopping for cats and being like 'give me your most EVILEST looking cat, please, so I can pet it in my spinny chair dramatically!' ...oh god white cat hair on his black suit. I have a black cat and her hair is still way too noticeable..

-vlad has a big 'valerie' button in his office. can he be pressing that button every episode, thanks

-'theres a GIRL called dani phantom?' yeah valerie. no relation, obviously, even with her looking EXACTLY like danny. so sad valerie just wants to help her dad and her get out of the place theyre in now and vlad using her. ill MAUL HIM

-dani having to STEAL FOOD. :( and valerie immediately being like oh poor kid :(( and trying to help her!!! and then dani immediately helping valerie!! this episode is starting SO well

-...and then valerie catching her. DAMN IT. and being surprised dani knew danny?? HELLO VALERIE I KNOW YOURE SMARTER THAN THIS. I AM SO SORRY THEY WROTE YOU THIS WAY. I STILL LOVE AND BELIEVE IN U !!!

-valerie lying her ASS off for a chance at gettin danny. ok <3 also 'they couldnt catch a ghost if it was living under their own roof' JSDHKJHNK

-danny. why dont you just tell valerie!! this would be so much easier if he was direct. there is NO way valerie would hurt danny (fenton) she'd be HORRIFIED. esp since she got on board helping dani!!

*is held* :)

-look at valerie and danny. flying together. about to go beat vlads ass together <333

-DANI SCREAMING AS VLAD IS MELTING HER. WHAT THE FUCCCK

-...fucking vlad convincing valerie hes a good dude with his stupid duplication. FUCK. DANNY JUST TELL H E R

-jesus christ how many times has danny had to watch loved ones die. even if she didnt stay perma-dead. glad they fixed her...

-valerie and dani pranking danny when he came out, oh :( cute...them havin fun and laughing together...babies

-BUT THEYRE JUST LETTING DANI LEAVE, AGAIN??? SHE WAS PREVIOUSLY STEALING FOOD. CHRIST GIVE HER A PLACE TO LIVE. OR A FAMILY. actually, I think it'd be really cute if, since danny isnt ready to out himself, dani went and lived with valerie?? dunno if her dad would have the money but,, it'd be a cute concept. big sis valerie...

-'tomorrow, it's game on!' 'and ill be ready to play!' THE FLIRTING....DANNY/VALERIE REAL

-oh my god,, valerie found out about vlad in the end. But he doesn’t know she knows!!! the DRAMA!!! HOLY SHIT THAT ENDING.

-this episode was. SO Much and probably one of my favorites out of s3. (I mean, there has been a gross lack of valerie this whole season, so thats not a hard choice to make...)

-FINALE EPISODE TIME.

-the title screen looks different! so no title card...

-vlad has his own fucked up satellite that looks like him?? okay. why does the animation look so different?? are they mixing cg in?? for what. anyway, vlad and the gang in SPACE. danny is 100% living his astronaut dreams rn

-'defeating frostbite' YOU BETTER NOT HAVE. YOU STOLE HIS COOL MAP. FUCK YOU VLAD

-wait oh my god. vlad is the final series boss, isn't he. I half expected a fake out, for another boss to show up midway, and for him to finally have to have a real truce with danny for this ep. ITS THE FINALE. VLAD FEELS SO UNDERWHELMING.

-And it's like-- his character isn't bad, i just feel like..he has more potential! they WANT him to seem like some smart super evil genius, but the way he's written makes that SO hard to believe...but the solid backstory and design is THERE and its FRUSTRATING.

-...DANNY CALLING VLAD OUT SAYING HE NEEDS THERAPY LMAOO THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING.

-my grandpa technus is in the finale too :) 'well look on the bright side, at least im not downloading them illegally!' he says while stealing dvds. feels like hes calling me out. im watching this series on a bootleg website lmao. anyway, him turning the tech into a transformer. love that

-mASters BLASters sTOp diSAsterS shut the fuck up. you will never be valerie or danny. bite chomp kill. violence

-like this if u crie everytiem

-my god the 3d/cgi mixed in looks SO BAD IT DIDNT AGE WELL AT ALL

-the white stripe in dannys hair kinda rules tho. did he just KILL HIS GHOST HALF??? 'revert his human half back to normal' UM. you ever unkill yourself. why are his friends/jazz so mad about it, he'll be in a lot less danger!! christ. they can still hunt ghosts!! as humans!! if they want to!! hes 14 if he wanted to be normal. let him. vlads stupid little team has things COVERED apparently. why are they acting like this. jazz would never act like this. is this fake whats going ON

-oh my god jack was in a college band. vlad was also in the band. what did instruments they play. i didnt need that headline to tell me they sucked, but i want to KNOW MORE REGARDLESS

-valerie was here for 0.3 seconds.

-sam calling danny selfish. the audacity. no one is stopping YOU from hunting ghosts, girl. valerie does it!!

-I'm halfway through the episode and incredibly underwhelmed so far.

-why would they send jack and 3 teens to space to destroy the asteroid. why not professional astronauts. not even the 3 teens that have already been to space this episode...

-jack getting beat up by teenagers. ON TV. IN SPACE. I GUESS. I GUESS EVERYONE AGREED TO SEND JACK BECAUSE..VLAD SAID SO? we know it was to embarrass jack, but why would everyone agree. why didnt any other space program Do More or whatever, they sent like, 3 rockets/missiles tops?? no way

-danny attempting to punch vlad in the face. i WISH HE WOULDVE LANDED THAT HIT.

-vlad outed himself on live tv, on purpose? and BLASTED AT THE TEENAGERS HE HIRED. LMAO. HES HOLDING THE WORLD HOSTAGE, MAKING THEM PAY HIM BILLIONS TO STOP THE STUPID ASTROID. THATS YOUR GRAND PLAN??? REALLY. REALLY. im like. lmfao

-jack just now, on the last episode GETTING TOLD HE MADE VLAD A GHOST. THIS SHOULDVE HAPPENED WAY SOONER. jack's reaction was one of the only times in this entire show hes seemed human. 'an old friend? no. you? yes.' GET HIS ASSSS ACTUALLY. HE STRAIGHT UP LEFT VLAD IN SPACE. GOD DAMN. that is a Murder! I mean, I guess vlad could fly back to earth, but...I mean, he'll have to, right? no food in space. (that we KNOW of...)

-'thE WHolE EArtH, INTangiBLe?!' oh my god.

-...the white strand of hair somehow still had ghost dna, I guess, and getting blasted turned him back into phantom. I GUESS. I GUESS.

-the fentons being the first to clap for danny despite not knowing hes phantom...that was sweet. and very sudden character development, not at all gradual over the course of time or episodes like it probably should have been...

-sam and danny kissing. IT SHOULDVE BEEN VALERIE, BUT OKAY, I GUESS. also, its a little underwhelming, considering theyve kissed already...

-ALL of the ghosts being ready to beat danny's ass? really. no they wouldn't, they've worked together before, and some of those ghosts are friendly!! cringe. why is the last ep written like this. I mean they came thru at the last minute but. was really cringing for a minute there, why did they write it like that

-valerie is there for another 0.3 seconds! ....she should've been more involved. dani is also there! for also like 0.3 seconds. almost fast enough to miss. (btw, I think shes still homeless at this point, are, we going to...do ANYTHING ABOUT THAT IN THE LAST 5 MINS OF THE SHOW)

-the cgi smoke or whatever it is. this whole post is me saying the cgi is bad, but IT IS.

-'danny or should we say. DAAANNNNY.' this is like the 3rd or 4th time hes been outed damn, but to the whole world, again. and valerie saw, and is just. an extra in the bg clapping. bro im so mad.

-TUCKER IS THE NEW MAYOR? WHAT THE FUCK?? HES 14.

-i think. this is still linked to the dream ep a few times ago. hes still dreaming. this is a plot a 14 year old would write. this feels like a bad fanfic. so much got rushed, and not tied up. vlad wasnt really even the villain this episode, a fucking. non-being asteroid was.

-they kiss again. ok. sure. whatever at this point.

-VLAD IS NOW A FREE-ROAMING SPACE NOMAD. I GUESS. THATS. SURE. WHATEVER. THE END, I GUESS. cannot believe I'm saying this, but: they did vlad dirty.

-IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HIM A VILLAIN, MAKE HIM A VILLAIN!!! DON'T MAKE IT A METEOR!!! STOP BEING WISHY WASHY WHO WANTS TO SEE DANNY VS ASTEROID!!! I didnt even WANT vlad to be the final villain because his character is SO back and forth (esp this season.) but he has done some FUCKED UP SHIT AND I WANTED THE WRITERS TO DOUBLE DOWN, PERSONALLY, IF THEY HAD TO MAKE HIM THE FINAL BOSS. the cabin ep where he basically held danny and maddie hostage? FUCKED. THE DANI THING? FUCKED. FUCKING COMMIT AND MAKE HIM ACTUALLY SCARY OR HAVE HIM FUCK OFF AND AGREE TO A TRUCE!! WHAT IS THIS DYING IN SPACE NONSENSE. (and, he will (fully) die out there, right? still half human, still needs food and water. I imagine he'll like, slowly half-die but this time his human side is dying. will he come back 100% ghost? we dONT KNOW. WE DONT GET TO SEE, ITS PLAYED LIKE SOME FUNNY THING AT THE END, THEN THATS IT!!! WHAT!!!)

-I don't know how to articulate how FRUSTRATING THAT IS. having him basically out himself and ''hold the world hostage'' does not track at all in my brain. like. he's always been scary because he is HUMAN, TOO. like, if he was 100% ghost, he'd be LESS scary, but vlad MASTERS has more power and influence than vlad PLASMIUS because of his position as mayor, his money, too, and his (supposed, s3 made me doubt it) intelligence/manipulation skills, and his being in good graces with jack made it HARD FOR DANNY. him outing himself for,, money and to 'control the world' i guess?? MONEY WAS NEVER HIS LIKE, MAIN GOAL. yeah obv he likes money and is materialistic and values his Rich Life, but hes got billions, the end goal? 1. getting maddie (and or danny as his son, but to me he always treated that as secondary) 2. ruining jack. this feels like they wanted to say 'oh he just wants POWER' which is. HMM?? OKAY?? obv he /does/ want power (usually over certain ppl, tho), but seeing him try to get it like this FELT WEIRD SOMEHOW. weird like the ep where he tried and failed to take over various historical civilizations, because like,, how is that realistically going to do anything for him?? just, being in that time forever and never seeing maddie aka Goal #1 again?? HELLO??? this was like that, but worse

-this was such a weird ending to an entire show. why did season 3 only have 13 episodes?? why did it feel so weirdly paced?? WHY WAS THE ENDING LIKE THAT. I think. I am going to pretend I did not see that. fucked up, dudes. I'm like...hm. I shouldn't have watched that because now I'm mad. valerie sweetie im SO sorry you shouldve been more present. it felt like..if they knew this season was going to be short, and the last season, they should've spent more time wrapping up EVERYONE'S plot lines for the entire season. imagine how cool it wouldve been if every single ep of season 3 was working towards something, a big, nice wrap up at the end, with nothing feeling TOO rushed because they'd been heading towards the End for the whole season....

I will probably end up writing a follow up full series thoughts post. In a couple of days so I can sit with my thoughts. BUT. overall, I really liked the show! (ignoring the finale and some of the moments that aged pretty poorly...) it was charming and a fun concept and very fun to watch in general :) and I am pretending the finale didnt happen <3 and I’m gonna dive RIGHT into the dp tags and mix fanart and posts in my queue, very excited to run and look at that 🏃🏻 (and, of course, make more fanart myself hehe >:3)

[miraculouscataclyyysm]

Seating plan part 9

Alix being the best bro anyone could ask for, super squad being soft, Marinette and Felix's second date, miraculous swap

Link to part 8

After Alix fails in her plan to stop Chloe from stealing Marinette's diary and exposing her feelings for Felix to the whole class (this is way before Felix and Marinette get together) using her bunnix abilities (as a now full time part time hero she gets to keep the bunny miraculous on weekdays, Mari tried to convince fu that they should just keep them full time but his wisdom is confusing, once she’s the guardian the super squad becomes permanent) she goes back to that morning and purposefully makes herself and Mari late for school in the hopes of stopping Chloe from sneaking into Marinette’s room (she forgot about Sabrina) but once she gets to school she sees Chloe put Marinette’s diary into her bag *cue menacing butterfly* Alix is then akumatised into reverser, as reverser Alix has the ability to put whoever she zaps into permanent reverse mode, for example, she zaps Sabrina and suddenly she's walking backwards out of the school and towards the Dupain-cheng bakery to put back Marinette's diary back

cue Chloe screaming for Lb while trying to avoid Reversers zaps “hurry up! get this crazy obsessed she-devil away from me this instant before I call my father” lb smugly looks to chat and says “whats her father gonna do? fire us?” chat- “or banish us from Paris? they wouldn't last 10 minutes without you bugaboo” they both laugh and go defeat Reverser 

after the Akuma is defeated Alix goes to find Mari and tells her about the diary fief, sins Mari is totally over everyone's nonsense in my au she goes straight up to Chloe and says “I believe you have something of mine” and snaches her bag to retrieve her property, alix smirks as Chloe tries to yell and Sabrina's face goes bright red “you really wanna start yelling that Marinette is stealing from you when you literally just stole from her? are you really that dumb?”

master fu holds a yoga class for all the heroes to try and teach them how to control of there emotions betterto try and avoid any more of them becoming akumatised, Alix feels like she let Ladybug and Chat down because she wasn’t strong enough to fight hawkbitches power, LB tells her “I wish I was as strong as you Bunnix, why do you think I chose you to wheeled the bunny miraculous, why do you think I chose any of you? *talking to bunnix, carapace, Ryuko, viperion and Renard Arctique (Fox Felix)* it’s because I see how strong you all are, I know I can trust all of you, you have true hearts, never doubt yourselves....but if you do just remember that I will never doubt you, i see you” “that was beautiful my lady” *cue LB fondly rolling her eyes* then they have a big group hug and they all agree they’d never be able to do any of this without her leadership CP-“and Chats unshakable faith and positivity”, master fu smiles proudly at the group

Felix and Marinette going on there the second date, Mari face-timed Alix while getting ready because “what if I choose the wrong outfit sand he decided I'm too much of fashion disaster too date? what if he decides he never wants to speak to me again because of this one wrong decision” Alix is just sat looking at her phone screen watching Mari pace around her room like *my best friend is so blind* she eventually interrupts Mari “he's gonna love whatever you wear Mari, just because it's you that's wearing it, in case you haven't noticed in Felix's eyes you can do no wrong” *cue adorable Mari blush*

for there the second date they visit the louvre and then have a picnic made by Felix, he's trying to impress Mari so he totally watched a dozen youtube tutorials on how to make perfect bread, cookie and scones, Adrian and Nathalie had to intervene before he burnt down the kitchen but with a little help he did it (Adrian definitely sent Mari photos of felix covered in flour while struggling to roll out the cookie dough) after the picnic they walk around Paris holding hands as the sun sets 

The super squad girls love patrolling together, they have races around Paris, they talk about irl stuff (leaving out anything that would reveal there identity) and give each other advice, they practice new combat moves to surprise the guys with Bun-“Chats gonna get his ass handed to him again” *evil smirk from bunnix” Ryu- “Doesn't he always” *bunnix laughing* LB-“don’t be too harsh girls *LB smirking* it’s not the guys faults were total Badasses....their all strong too, where are all amazing” Bun-“just not as amazingly strong as us” *jokingly flexing her muscles*, one of the nights the girl hero’s are patrolling together Ryuko says “do you think you’d bring any other hero’s into the tam *Kagami is thinking about a certain blue hair friend while bringing up the question* “I have a few ideas, in case of emergencies *meaning max and Kim* then both Kagami and Alix simultaneously starts thinking about how amazing it would be to have Marinette on the team

The miraculous swap is very different in my au,well technically the actual fight is basically the same its just how it happens and the villain that's different,  Sabrina is akumatised into a villain with the ability to switch people (I can’t think of a name so let’s call her the switch witch), if she hits you with her power your physical appearances stays the same but your personalities and clothes change, she switches Chloe into a quiet girl ready to follow orders, Alya turns into a snapback wearing bro, rose is now a compulsive liar in zero pink, Alix is off building a robot and Felix is in the back of the class quietly drawing Marinette (okay he’s supposed to be swapped with nath but that’s actually very on-brand for Felix...) Sabrina is akumatised after returning to school on Monday wearing a new necklace her father bought her for her birthday, Chloe green with envy, because she had her eye on that very necklace, demands Sabrina take off “that utterly ridiculous eyesore or ill be forced to end this friendship” Marinette interjects and says “why should Sabrina's choice of clothing affect your friendship” Alix-“more like dictatorship” rose “I think your necklace is lovely Sabrina” Chloe- “No, that fashion disaster is utterly ridiculous, ridiculous I say, take it off now or were over Sabrina” Sabrina runs out of the room crying, she doesn't wanna lose Chloe (the heart wants what it wants I guess...) but she loves the necklace, her dad spent so much time trying to find the perfect git, she slumps to the hallway floor crying because just once she wishes she could treat Chloe like this, see how she likes it, see how she likes feeling bossed around and made to feel small, shes then akumatised 

during the battle with akumatised Sabrina (switch witch) LB and chat get hit with her power and switch miraculous, Ladybug is now in full black and feels the sudden need to make a pun and chat Noir is suddenly hit with the bone-crushing weight of responsibility *hehe jk...but not really* its mostly similar to canon just with a different villain and a slightly different dynamic between lb and chat, after watching the disaster interview (link to part 4 for my version of prime queen) for himself he realised how blind to lb’s feelings he’s been, he stops beings as forward, he’s decided that if there soulmate’s then it will happen when it happens...he still gets jealous whenever LB and Renard are joking around though, it’s still progress I guess

Part 10

Tags-

@bamagirl513 @persephonebutkore @charlietheepic7 @7-sage-7 @spicybelladonna @akana-sama

Edit- designs of Alix and Sabrina akumatised link here

[novarasalas]

Second Look Review: ‘A Little Adventure’

And here begins a review series of Voltron’s season 7, written up as i re-watch it. This is equal parts as a writing exercise and as me just wanting to share my thoughts and observations.

I’ll try to go light on meta and theories, sticking to just the facts, ma’am.

Well, that’s what I intended to happen, but this episode was very personal from the start, what with all the Shiro backstory. 

So join me for this two-part review, where I switch on the projection machine and smash the overshare button.

Part 1: Laugh So You Don’t Cry

Let’s start with the easy stuff, yeah? 

It features Coran, finally going full Thornberry:

...truly gorgeous.

We also have this amazing pair here:

And, most unexpectedly, a demonstration of yalmors linking at the ears, something we haven’t heard about since season 1:

I don’t have much else to say about this part. I would, however, like to formally request a spin off of Hunk and Romelle being so, so done with everything.

Part 2: The Meeting

So hey! It’s that back story everyone’s been screaming for, and boy, does this episode deliver. I really wish it had been solely dedicated to that story, though. I’m not a fan of the high drama/humorous aside splits they keep giving us. I know they do that to keep things interesting, cause hey, rated TV-Y7, right? But I always come out the other side of it feeling like I have emotional whiplash.

First, look at this:

Thank you.

So Shiro’s a bit of a celebrity? That’s pretty cool. I’m impressed.

Too bad Keith isn’t.

He’s even in the classic “anime protagonist seat”. Oh, Keith.

The subtitles here say: Shiro broke the record for the fastest orbital velocity, beating the old heliocentric speed by about 50 kilometers per second. 

I’m a big damn nerd, so you know I had to look this up. Here’s what I found:

In 2018 though, a new NASA mission - Solar Probe Plus - will be launched. Designed to come as close as 8.5 solar radii to the Sun (that’s about about 5.9 million kilometers or 3.7 million miles), it will hit orbital velocities as high as 200 kilometers a second (450,000 miles an hour).

To just put that incredible figure into perspective - going this fast would get you from the Earth to the Moon in about ½ an hour. It is also about 0.067% the speed of light. (source: Scientific American -”The Fastest Spacecraft Ever?”)

I have no idea if they’re counting his record against something like that, or manned flight, for which the record is 107,000 km/h. That’s uh..that’s us. On Earth. We haven’t sent people into independent solar orbit yet.

Also, one day I’ll learn how to post links without breaking the tags, cause my source article was very interesting. Please go find it.

And now we have the simulator. We get that call back to “Taking Flight”, which I found to be a nice touch.

Keith, you’re the only one who could possibly fly through this.

And then Keith steals Shiro’s car and his heart, wasting no time in attempting to push him away. And he doesn’t just keep it between the two of them; Keith’s got a lot of misguided anger to share.

Nothing will endear you to your new classmates faster than signing the whole group up for a collective punishment.

But lessons are learned and everyone calms down.

..oh. Whoops.

Yes, the good ol’ collective punishment: let the jerkass’ peers sort them out. And maybe it would have worked in this case, except for the fact that Keith respects exactly no one.

When this episode first aired, I was seeing yelling about James being a bully, but to be honest, this is more of a case of two shithead kids being shitheads to each other. Keith doesn’t care how his actions affect others, and James reacted by going for a low blow about Keith’s parents.

I suppose they sorted each other out in the end, didn’t they?

So here’s Keith, the angry, lost kid, acting out in desperation and loneliness, and Shiro, who we now see risking his own good name to help him.

Why would he do that?

Now, a lot of what I come up with in the next part is my interpretation of Shiro based on my own experiences, because that’s all I have to go on. My one big gripe about this is that we don’t see Shiro until he’s a young adult. What was he like growing up? Does he try to help Keith because he’s a sweet guy, or does he relate to him in some way?

We may never really know. For my own purposes, I’m going to assume that it’s more of the latter.

Let’s look back at this interaction:

Shiro: “That’s the Calypso, the first ship to carry astronauts to the moons of Jupiter.”

Keith: “It took them three years to get there. Longest voyage of its kind.”

Shiro: “That’s right. Reading about that mission is what made me wanna be a pilot. Those astronauts braved the unknown.”

Nerd break: 

The Juno probe made it to Jupiter in 5 years, arriving in 2015.

Right now it takes 9.5 years to get to Pluto

/nerd

Keith knows about the Calypso. You might think that the tiny, emo kid doesn’t seem the type to be into nerd stuff, right?

But I get it.

I didn’t have the best time growing up, and we know that after the death of his father, neither did Keith. I had one big obsession that got me through the badness: space. Sorry, two: space and dinosaurs. And giant mech shows. Er...three big obsessions.

But space was the biggest and realest. The 90s were an exciting time for space exploration, with the Voyager probes finishing up their grand tours, the ISS being built, and the first rovers being sent to Mars. It felt good. It felt hopeful.

And I think maybe Keith may have felt the same about space. After all, space was a big unknown. By nature, it couldn’t be good or bad, right? Not like home.

Or maybe it’s because he’s half Galra and always knew that he wasn’t fully of Earth. Or maybe it was both.

I can imagine that Shiro may have thrown himself into space for similar reasons. Because you know what really sucks having deal with growing up? Chronic Illness.

Part 3: Invisible

We come to realize, right along with Keith, that Shiro is sick.

When I’d first heard about this, I was both saddened and ecstatic. It’s not often that I get to relate in any way to a strong, capable, wonderful fictional character. ‘Cool!’, I thought to myself, ‘He’s a sicko like me.’ Immediately, my next thought was ‘Damn, he’s a sicko like me…’

Then a few things about his character began to fall into place.

I think we all noticed Shiro pushing Keith into the place of leadership via the phrase “If anything ever happens to me...”. And Shiro being chronically ill explains that. I’d been wondering for a while about what Shiro’s deal could be. Why did he think something was going to happen to him? Was is just planning for every eventuality, or was it something else?

Shiro’s a great leader, so it was probably both. But him being ill puts a new perspective on things.

When you’re chronically ill, you have to think about things a lot more than other people. You have to plan heavily for ‘what ifs’, and you had better be prepared. 

Back in July, a friend and I took a trip to a con. This had been the first trip I’ve been on in years since I’ve been so damn sick. The preparation alone was exhausting. I had to make sure I had everything with me, and backups of everything just in case something happened. I had to make sure my meds and supplies were in reach if I needed them right away, but I also had to make sure that they were cool and out of the summer sun, because if they got too hot, they’d stop working.

The con was six hours away from home, and if I had needed replacements of these things, I would have to make soooo many phone calls and likely beg for help.

I had to have a conversation with my friend about what to do in case I had “an incident”. It’s humiliating; I’m a grown ass adult that has to preemptively ask people for help. Even though she’s my best friend, and I trust her so very much, it sucks.

In the end, everything was fine, but only because of careful planning. I can’t tell you how much I miss the days of just being able to go, to do, to not have to think about everything that could go wrong and possibly kill me.

So what I’m really saying here is that Shiro most likely has a lot of experience planning for eventualities. He’s also swallowed enough of his pride to discuss these things with Keith by the time the main story begins. And note: it’s only Keith he shares these things with, not the others. I don’t share these things with people who aren’t very, very close to me either.

Well, present company excluded, of course.

And here’s the part that  I go projecting onto Shiro again, but as I said previously, until they give more backstory, it’s all I have to go on.

So, what about Shiro’s family?

That’s something that’s been talked about in the fan space for a while, too. Is he an orphan? Did they disown him? Unfortunately, the flashbacks we get don’t go back that far. All I have to go on to answer that are my own experiences, which are not good.

My heart swells every time I see someone talk about how their family supports them as they deal with their illnesses. How good it is that they have love and stability to help them through.

I don’t have that. I never did. My home life sucked before I got sick, and illness certainly didn’t help.  I can say with certainty that if I had spent years in space out of contact with them, I wouldn’t be too broken up about it. There’d have been no video messages home, is what I’m saying.

I could see Shiro at this point in the flashbacks, gifted and celebrated, throwing himself at everything he could, working hard to prove that he’s worth something, proving that you’re not a lost cause just because you’re sick. I found myself wanting to prove things, too, taking on tasks and making plans and trying to show the world that I’m still useful, that I’m not lazy. See? I didn’t cause my own illness in an attempt to get out of responsibilities.

You’ll still get rejected, though.

So you learn to hide your illness from people that don’t need to know about it.

Shiro may have been like Keith: a lost, angry kid, pushing people away before they can make the decision to leave. It’s a difficult thing to grow up and only see disappointment in the eyes of the people who are supposed to be there for you. Again and again, they let you know in so many ways that you’re difficult to deal with, that somehow you’re a burden on them.

I can’t know for sure about Shiro, but I know that this is the truth for Keith. I completely understand why Keith would end up so attached to Shiro, the only person who was actually putting in a real effort to help him. I wish I’d had my own Shiro, ya know?

I can’t be all doom and gloom about this, though. I still like that one idea that Shiro was raised by his grandparents. I like to think that it was a happier time for him, as my time spent with my own grandparents was for me.

Of course, I could be completely wrong about all of this, and projecting way too much of my own problems onto him. For the sake of any alternate realities where Shiro is a real person, I hope that I am. 

Next up: Part 2 - relationships are hard -and- an appeal to societies greater sensibilities.

[sanguinesprout]

Uhhhhh... *derp* (More stuff about indecision, some talk about doctors and some blog changes)

Lately has been well... kinda okay but mostly meh. I’ve been flip flopping between feeling somewhat content with myself and a little motivated and feeling absolutely empty inside and distraught. It’s been almost two weeks since my last post here (actually a reblog lol) and I’ve really been wanting to write a post but I’m still stuck in the habit of putting it off until I know for sure what I want to write or have the privacy to do so. Or maybe it’s just me being a big scaredy cat again :< I think from now on I’ll try to just write as if I’m writing in a diary, so more spontaneous and with less worrying about structure/keeping to just one topic or whether someone reads it or not, as I’m doing this for myself and my benefit most.

Although I was dawdling I did however sort out quite a lot of stuff to do with the blog and some good stuff irl (which I’ll get to later or in another post). One of the main things to mention is that I switched this blog from my primary one to a side one, which does make more sense and makes me feel a bit more at ease which should make it a bit easier to write and post without the restraint I was feeling before. Whether to keep them linked or not idk, I feel uneasy about it but I don’t think it should matter, I mean it is still me on both blogs and everything. I just wanted to separate the huge blocks of serious emotional text from the random cutesy and silly stuff I also wanted to post, but I think I might still post mental health related things to my main one, just in the form of images and not essays like these lol. 

Also I changed the urls from the hyphenated and maybe overly fancy termed things they were previously to more simple and cute ones. I still feel a lil iffy about them (like this blog url feels a bit ‘cold’ but looks pretty and flows well while my main one sounds more ‘warm’ but the world cuddly doesn’t flow well or look as nice lol) but whatever I’ll grow to like them or just change them again whenever, I spent way too much time agonising over them, it’s time to move on! I fixed up the about pages on both of them too, the links and tags pages are still empty for now, but I’m content enough with the way they are now to actually begin posting properly soon I hope. Oh and the current avatar/sidebar image is a really crappy drawing I made 2-3 years ago with a mouse when I was feeling down and was going to make and name this blog ‘rainysnail’ lol. I still might use that name/url someday for something though ^^

I searched for ‘extreme indecisiveness’ in google the other day because I was that frustrated with myself about well, being indecisive (and it was over the same lame url/blog stuff as before, not surprise surprise). I know there’s a lot of stigma around consulting ‘Dr.Google’ and self diagnosis being looked down on as it could prove to be more harmful in some cases and I won’t lie, I do get kinda hypochondriac-ish sometimes, but sometimes it can be very educational and helpful too. I just wanted to know if I was feeling something... something valid(?) or if I was just being an idiot. 

I came across ‘Aboulomania’ on my indecisiveness search and wow, it sounds pretty similar to AVPD and my current feelings but the way it’s written is kinda heavier? (and hella typo-ey/engrish-y lol I just chose that one because it seemed to have the most info from the few I clicked on). Idk... it doesn’t seem to be as much of a known/legit thing so there doesn’t seem to be that many sources on it or at least any reputable ones (though I didn't look particularly hard or for a long time though but once you’re past page 2 on google everything is bleh anyways lol). Also on its definition here lol it talks about ‘analysis paralysis’ and that’s something I kinda knew of and struggle with already. I feel some resonance with this finding and feel a little more assured and saddened at the same time, but I’m not about to run around screaming I have this thing or anything. Maybe I’ll look into it more another time but right now I kinda don’t have the energy to .__.

Indecision is something that appears and could be caused by all sorts of disorders, even just depression alone or a whole mix of other things and factors. Many disorders overlap (like the stuff in cluster c which I feel are most relevant to me) and trying to pinpoint exact reasons and causes for things to do with mental health is near impossible, so I don’t wanna dwell on it. I have therapy soon so having a professional help work out things is a much better idea (unless they also consult Dr.Google like some of the stories I’ve read online lol).

I did see some snippets of advice on indecision on another page and it was basically to let go of the feeling to try and always be perfect/choose the definitive ‘right’ decision and to just trust your gut feelings instead of leaving yourself to stress over it. Yeah, it’s nothing new really and I have been trying to do this but sometimes it’s just so difficult with all these automatic negative feelings weighing my rationality down and sometimes I forget because it’s so hard wired into me to get anxious and over analytical. *Sigh* ...but if I keep reminding myself I think it will stick more in the end. I have already adopted the ‘it doesn’t hurt to try’, ‘just do it, ‘yolo’, ‘no1curr’ etc. kind of mindset/mantra when I get hesitant before doing something that I usually avoid lol, sometimes it fails but the times when I have been brave and not overthought or avoided I’ve felt kinda proud of myself and there were some positive-ish outcomes too. So I just need to continue and allow myself to grow stronger in mind and spirit (and hopefully body too).

In relation to what I said before about the whole ‘Dr.Google’ thing, I thought maybe take the time now to write about my experiences with doctors in general. Many times in the past and even now when I would be explaining my problem (whether physical or mental) to a doctor, they would just shake their head and scoff to them self or even outright laugh smugly and then dismiss it straight away (especially if I mentioned I read something on the internet). The feeling of being fobbed off and even ridiculed by someone that’s supposed to be helping didn’t fare well on my confidence at all and I feel it is a reason I wasn’t proactive in sorting out a lot of the problems I’m still dealing with and obviously I am regretful, maddened and saddened as many of them could have been avoided or alleviated better if they were dealt with sooner.

I’m not saying all doctors are like this, I think it was those particular doctors that were the problem and thank goodness I don’t have to choose to see them anymore (I hope). My current doctor (who I actually came across due to those mean doctors being unavailable one time) is worlds apart in the way he handles things. He is so kind and accommodating to start with, listens well to any concerns, addresses them with great care and reassurance and is very adept at scheduling appointments for further investigations. I feel he really goes above and beyond and has both a friendly and personal but professional demeanour. I mean he isn’t 100% godly perfect as there were times I felt a bit iffy with some of the explanations and prescriptions and sometimes things were delayed, but he does try hard to help and is not against reading information from the internet and in fact encourages it and utilises it himself (eg. printing a informational page on a certain health thing from a reliable health website).

When I presented some info and concerns relating to a health problem I was having investigated already but felt was going in the wrong direction (ie. going down the typical ‘fob you off with the most common explanation so you go away’ route) he explained that it’s the typical process to go for the most common things first when investigating and agreed another route of investigation would be beneficial, more relevant and time efficient so he arranged that too. This doctor is such an awesome and good natured person and I’m so grateful, but he may only be temporary at the place I go to however and it makes me sad to think I might end up with the mean kind again someday. But the lesson is to not settle on doctors that are not helpful or any other type of awful and that there are good people out there. Something that was really very prominent and touching about going to this doctor is that my mother and sister who go with me sometimes were also stunned by how nice and helpful he’s been.

I distinctly remember one of the first times I went to see him with my mum and at that point I had been ill for so long already and she was obviously very worried about me. At the end of the appointment he announced what he would recommend me for investigation and assured that he’d help me get better soon with a smile and then he pointed to my mum next to me who I wasn’t facing at the time and I can’t remember exactly what he said but it was something about my mum crying. When I turned to look, she was indeed crying and I couldn’t stop my own eyes from watering either. I have never ever EVER seen my mum cry before, so it shocked me a lot and made me emotional too. I mean my sister told me she did cry one time recently, but that was when she was so stressed and upset over a family matter on her side of the family :c It’s not like this is something on my bucket list or anything, because I would rather her never be upset or cry for a bad reason, but this showed how much she cares and worries for me and in this case she was crying because she was happy, relieved that she would possibly not have to see me suffer as much and was moved to tears.

Unfortunately the problems have still not been resolved or fully recognised yet, and recently one of the doctors recommended to help investigate fobbed me off and it feels bleh lol... no not lol... very un-lol :< But at least the investigation is still going further in some way I guess and I’ll take his words with a grain of salt, I’ve yet to see my regular doctor to discuss what happens next. I think I’ve just backed down and passively taken whatever explanations too much in the past with negative results or progress and Idk I have a hard time accepting things some doctors say nowadays, a lot of it seems contradictory, sometimes illogical or outdated, robotic, insincere etc. 

When I’m reading what I’ve just written it keeps making me worried I’m a ass or have trust issues or something... :< I know doctors are meant to be serious and professional, but I can’t shake the feeling that some of them are not nice/unwilling to help as much as they could. I have had so many past experiences to do with being treated differently and being prejudiced against and it still happens today and not just to me but all of my family members, it’s tough and really upsetting... :c

It is true though, that you really have to push and persist if you want something done about a problem, and many times people are let go and misdiagnosed with stuff that ends up being something different or a lot more serious. I’m not saying whatever I have is ultra serious and I wouldn’t know anyways. I am clearly not dying, and I hope I’m not, but when I was without medication at the beginning I felt so bad and I was so scared of dying (even though usually idgaf thanks to depression etc.) I’m scared of being in pain and having to suffer both physically and mentally forever. I want to get better, become a stronger person. do the things that matter and well, in a nutshell live my life to the fullest.

Anyways, about the app with the normal doctor... I avoided phoning on a day I could’ve gotten a sooner appointment (my sister encouraged me to, but she was away that day and my mum said it was an inconvenient day to go, but it actually wasn’t really... I should I have pushed myself to go forward even so...) the appointment I do have is 2 weeks away from what it could’ve been. But I guess maybe someone else might have taken that appointment that needed it more urgently, or there might not have been any available that day anyways w/e. Avoidance playing up again... be more brave silly self!

I was planning to write some more happier stuff that’s been going but this post is already quite long so a separate post it is~ and I won’t keep putting it off! Tbh I’m only comfortable pulling up my blog and writing my feels whenever I am alone, so when my family are all at work, but this only occurs on random days and for such a short span of time. Or at least when I know they are all busy downstairs, I can try but I feel like I have to be extra alert and switch it away when they do come. I... ugh idk :c I don’t want to be secretive or feel guilty but I can’t help it, it’s just so hard and frustrating. I can’t even write what illnesses I was talking about earlier on (though I do hope to dedicate whole posts to writing about them later). I will improve and forgo this paranoid feeling someday though! Believe it! *cringe*