#just rambling and talking to the void

[icarus-n-flames]

You know sometimes I think about Charles Rowland and his response to Edwin’s confession, as I’m sure we all do. A few days ago I thought about the part where he said they have “literally forever to figure out what the rest means” and then I sort of thought of Red White and Royal Blue (stick with me here).

I particularly thought about how Alex’s mom asked him if he felt “forever” for Henry. In the context of the media it’s supposed to make Alex think and consider that getting into a romantic relationship with Henry isn’t something that can be casual and easily fall apart. It’s going to make many waves, be very public and be even more so if they break up. Obviously it is also about his feelings and not just the repercussions but that aspect made me think of Charles, the thinking of the repercussions bit.

He has someone who has been his partner and best mate for 35 years. This is a person who showed him kindness for no reason other than he is just kind and Charles was someone he thought deserved his kindness. Edwin was probably many firsts for Charles in a lot of platonic ways considering he was 16 and the relationships he had with friends and family weren’t the best. Edwin is the person he cares the most for in the whole world and bringing more than what they have into this threatens the balance they have.

I’m sure we’ve all considered what would happen if we dated a friend and it went poorly. Even more so if you jump headfirst into something only to realize maybe you DON’T feel the same and now you have to break their heart.

Charles Rowland and Edwin Payne have an eternity together and Charles needs to look within himself and see if he feels eternity for Edwin because any less and it’s terrifying what that could mean for them if he takes that step and fumbles. For someone like Charles who just does what he’s feeling in the moment and act’s impulsively, his response to that confession was the least impulsive thing he’s done and I think it speaks volumes of how much he cares for Edwin.

I like that, if/when they become canon, it’s going to be because Charles has thought about it and hasn’t acted impulsively even if maybe the scene plays out where he is SEEMINGLY acting impulsively.

He really is the good sort of chap. I’m so normal about him.

[lackpenny]

a broken man's last effort, all for nothing

[kacievvbbbb]

I think that swords definitely talk to Mihawk and Zoro like not even just their sword but any sword of worth but especially the "cursed" ones. Like I mean full-sentences talking that only they can hear. And not the general hum of power or bloodlust that people like shanks hear -

And Shanks does not realize that Mihawk means he is having full conversations with his sword when he says Yoru talks to him. Until Mihawk translates something Gryphon says and Shanks is just like 'I'm sorry.....what???"

Shanks: What do you mean you can talk to swords Mihawk: I told you this 🙄 Shanks: I thought you meant like the general humming, Not that they were conversationalists! Mihawk: So did you think all this time I was just talking to myself? Shanks:....I thought it was a symptom of your lonely childhood.....

I think Zoro has to hold the sword to hear it speak but will eventually grow to be like Mihawk where he just has to be in the area to hear it.

[ssphiree]

back to earth gets a lot of hate compared to the rest of the show but i think theres something interesting to be said about the lack of laughing in it due to the lack of live audience

noticed this within the first scene between rimmer + lister in their sleeping quarters, it was the same kind of conversation theyd have at any other point with the same kind of comedic moments/quips between them & there were several moments where i can hear where they WOULDVE had some laughs from the audience, but there was just silence

& i just think its such a subtly interesting little insight into what life on the dwarf is actually like for THEM from THEIR perspectives, they dont find each other as hilarious as the rest of us do from the outside bc they generally just dont get along most of the time, they have no one other than each other for laughs or entertainment

lister & rimmer arguing or the cat being egotistical or literally any of the comedic interactions the live audience wouldve laughed at were just met with complete silence or frustration from the others, they cant see in from an outside perspective thats literally just the way they live alone with no one but each other for their entire lives

idk its just like an interesting little thing i noticed while im at this point in my rewatch n js started to think about

[raccoonslittlehands]

How does Rook end up in the prison? That's what I wonder, but I've seen people mostly asking how they get out. That wasn't of much concern to me, I mean, that's pretty much the whole reason they hired a fade expert, not to mention Rook being able to let go of regret and yadda yadda yadda. But HOW do they end up in it? My personal theory is that along with the fade weakening when Ghilan'nain is killed (which probably also makes saving Rook a lot easier), Solas uses blood magic one last time as the manipulative ass he is. Rook is already overcome with pain and regret after Harding's death but they still have the rest of the team to think about, yeah? Maybe the death of another companion would push them over the edge and give Solas a chance to drag them into the regret prison. So why not use blood magic again to make them think Lucanis also died? Make them think that killing Ghilan'nain, an entire elven goddess (more or less) was too much for Lucanis and that it ended up killing him? Rook falls into the prison right after that, right after seeing Lucanis is "dead", that's when they get conked on the head with the statue and end up in the fade. Which is also why you see Lucanis in that scene no matter who you're romancing, he's the one who killed Ghilan'nain and it makes sense for that to only kill him and not someone else. I guess the conclusion of this rant is that Solas is an asshole, which we already knew anyway :')

[apartmentwhereikeepallofmyswords]

I wonder if passive ever wanted to rename himself (before the apple incident)

Like, Nim legit named them ‘dream’ and ‘bad-dream’. Not only the favoritism (using that loosely cause. nim. Just in general) but the fact he’s been demonized from the start by his own name. Having his twin brother who’s the golden child and loved be the ‘good’ version while he has to be the bad one? That had to hurt, on top of everything else.

His bullies probably used that fact too. “Oh you’re the bad one, it’s literally your name” kind of bs

But then what would he name himself?

Maybe after a character in a book? someone he looked up to/didn’t treat him as badly? maybe even after a plant since he was in nature all the time

Idk. just thinking about the fact passive might have wanted to be named something else, but then when he died and was corrupted Nightmare took on the name as a defining part of himself. It’s his name, it’s what he is so it has to be who he is

And if he was ever reformed/fixed/stopped being evil, would he change it then? Shed the name in order to feel less like the monster he’d been?

[mistermalaprop]

I’ve talked about this just a smidge in the tags of a previous post BUT here is a main post. I’m in the car so I don’t have any art and this will probs come out weird.

[EDIT: HERE IS FULL CONCEPT]

it makes sense that Knock Out in earthspark would be based off prime, like, we get that. every KO is prime KO. At the very least it’d be one of the comic iterations.

but I think it’d be so much cooler if an es KO was based more heavily on his actual g1 character. because think of it— most want an es KO for the KOBD ship. That’s very real, I get it… but Breakdown in es took the place that a prime KO would’ve. BD in es is already the fast racer with ambiguous ties to the Decepticon faction… and flirts with Autobots—

SO! Why don’t we just… flip-flop the dynamics? Prime KO’s character is put into es BD, and— hear me out— prime BD’s big brute yet genuine character is put to es KO. Breakdown in earthspark gets to race and be all cool and in the spotlight, while his doting yet aesthetically-minded, construction-framed partner Knockout follows him around! it’s not totally balls to the wall crazy to think of a design for a g1-inspired earthspark KO, especially when we have this guy to work with-

There was already an attempt (that I think is pretty cool) of a g1 inspired look for KO, while still keeping the idea of prime KO in mind!

anyway… I think it would make for some neat diversity for Knock Out’s character lineage. To me, he’s gotten pretty stale because every version of him is pretty much… prime… and while that version of him was revolutionary and amazing, I want different interpretations :( I wanna see him change and grow like other characters…

[rattusrattus3]

Gonna see my dad tomorrow and try to talk to him about burn out … he’s an artist himself so I hope he has some advice or wisdom for me but I honestly can’t picture him relating to the issue at all …. He’s always been such a creative person and constantly making things and doing things and never seems to run out of energy or steam or get unhappy or struggle with his work … I look up to him so much and I’m really scared that opening up will make him see me differently (growing up my parents were very of the mind that ‘depression is just an exxageration just get up and get through it’) and admitting to feeling these feelings (not depression , but similar feelings as it (numb, unmotivated, stagnant, pointlessness, etc) feels like it could be very scary and bad but I think it’s just my anxiety lying to me ….. even if he doesn’t understand or can’t relate I shouldn’t assume he will think worse of me … he’s a very kind person and will be compassionate … it’s just scary to open up … I can’t wait for this period of feeling to be over and done with

[zolo-san]

Who wants to read my ramblings about a University AU idea that has started to consume my every waking thought? (It's primarily a Lawlu fic idea~)

My brain has really gotta stop doing this I've got two half written Lawlu fics just chillin in my notebook but then two days ago I had a fleeting thought that triggered my brain to start cooking up a University AU out of nowhere (I don't even normally write AUs so idk what is even happening)

So I started writing down some planning and ideas that, as per usually, devolved into some full fledged scenes and dialogue and it straight up feels like I'm being possessed by this stupid fucking AU and I'm going insane It's literally writing itself....I have no control any more (send help)

My planning doc is already over 3,500 words and I've only been typing shit up during my odd free moments at work It's literally like I'm witnessing a movie in my head and struggling to write it all down

So yeah that's a thing.......I still have at least one Zosan fic I really want to write for the Zosan Community Collab (ya know the one I'm hosting lol) but my brother in christ this au has a fucking choke hold on me

In case anyone cares to know: The basics of the AU right now is that Law is currently in his first year of residency and goes to the campus library often to study and that's where he sees Luffy, whose a bio major with a field research internship studying beetles. Law sees Luffy there all the time and sort of developed a crush on him, but he never actually talks to him. At some point shenanigans issue on campus that force the two of them to interact and they both take to each other very quickly (perhaps because Luffy also had a low-key crush on the attractive mysterious doctor whose always at the library 😏)

I could go on about all the Straw Hats and their areas of study, everyone's living arrangements, everyone's relationship dynamics, I also have info about Bepo, Shachi, and Penguin’s studies (Tho if anyone actually reads this and has any input on what majors they think Shachi and Penguin would have settled on, pls let me know because I have a note that they have no clue what they want to do and have switched majors at least three times, but I haven't decided what they'd settle on lol) I literally even have a floor plan for the dorm that Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, and Usopp share as well as Law's place (which is on campus despite it being usual for medical residents to stay on campus, he just prefers being close to the library because he's a fucking nerd)

Gods...someone save me from this fucking au....I'm going crazy..........anyways...I'm going to go back to more planning now (help >.<)

[xxplastic-cubexx]

i’m so glad you brought up that bit in excalibur where magneto’s ideal prison is him getting to be a husband and father again, because it’s so relevant to the idea that the house of m reality isn’t actually everyone’s ideal life, but just wanda’s idea of what everyone’s ideal life would be. all the time i see x-fans condemn magneto for house of m because his ideal world is him becoming exactly like his oppressors, but house of m isn’t actually the life magnus wants! any time magnus gets to become a political leader, he hates it. he hated ruling genosha. he hated ruling krakoa. deep down, he doesn’t want to be superior. he just wants to live in peace with the family he lost.

also, shoutout to magda and anya, who never get to be anything other than magneto’s women in refrigerators. i wish they got to be more important than that. i love it every time we see them in comics, but it’s so rare. and shoutout to magda in particular since she’s been almost completely erased from the narrative by the maximoff retcon. really hope we get a reveal that natalya maximoff was magda all along when we inevitably make wanda and pietro magneto’s mutant children again.

i honestly didnt know excalibur was a predecessor to HoM when i heard about both runs so when i saw that set of panels for the first time it really had me reconsider HoM and the 'ideal reality' bit, im surprised i dont see it mentioned more often

i really wish there were more appearances of mags, magda, and anya; if there are stories focused on them i barely see them talked about... ive heard magda is mags' best-written partner from some but i also very rarely see stories that feature her directly named, so i never get to see her beyond the few fleeting instances i just so happen to catch her. id very much like to see more of her and mags' domestic life....

i think if we find out that natalya was magda all along i'll howl: this family really Can get more complicated contrary to popular belief 💀

[sketchy-tour]

It's so funny that when a character I love has a bunch of aus, I tend to not feel as strongly for the au versions as I do the original. Usually because the original is what I fell in love with so the aus just don't have the same ingredients to get my brain buzzing that same way.

Happened way back with Sans when I was, of course, a Sans fan. And now with Wally. Of course I love and adore most aus I see, even still wanting to draw myself in them for fun. But it never hits the same. Doesn't itch right. Like a glove that fits just a little wrong but still kinda fits.

[icarus-n-flames]

I might just be talking into the void but I’ve come to realize something about Charles and Crystal. Like I found it odd that after 30 years and with someone he calls his best mate and the only person he’d go to hell for, he never told him the extent of what happened with his father. Hell he’s even keeping from Edwin that he is checking in on his family, but he tells someone he knew for hardly any time at all.

I’m sure others have talked about it but I’m just working through it in my lil brain… I think a lot of it might have to do with this fear of being perceived as weak, sure, and vulnerable. Edwin is not only someone he immediately decided he’d protect at all cost but also someone he sort of Idolizes in a way. I’ve seen people make that connection and I 100% agree. Edwin is everything he could want to be; Kind, witty, smart.

Yes Edwin is a sassy bitch but Charles knows first hand that there is a huge well of compassion and kindness in him and gods does Charles want to be that person, he doesn’t want to be like his father. Additionally, nothing hurts quite as much as baring your wounds to the person you look up to and have them pity you. No he wants to be Brave and Strong and Kind and let Edwin see that he deserves to be his equal…baring all his scars might make him feel as if he’s not matching Edwin’s greatness or that he’s going to be pitied.

Yes Edwin bares his scars, though not all of them, but to Charles I bet that just reinforces this ideal. Like, “Wow he went through all that and he’s still so kind” while subsequently ignoring the fact that HE HIMSELF went through so much and yet he is kind and full of so much heart. Perhaps he thinks, somewhere in his subconscious, that his kindness is a fake and doesn’t count but really, Charles pls.

Crystal is someone he feels he can level with. Being around her doesn’t have the weight of forever like Edwin does to him. He can be vulnerable because the pressure to be his level best isn’t there. Yes I also think he cares about her because of course he does! He is Charles with a heart so big he hungers for it to be filled.

Anyway jfjdjd might delete later cuz this is just rambles. I lost part of what I was gonna say. I’m not discounting Crystal just -motions- there is such a massive weight to how Edwin perceives him.

[rotating-pebbles]

guys do we think we vilify ford too much

Look I KNOW the 2015 stan wars lore. I know the IMMENSE amount of ford hate that existed (and still exits somewhere) when not what he seems first aired. I know. i KNOW.

But with the modern fandom I feel like a lot of people make Ford a lot more crueler in fanart, fan fic, any type of fan work, specifically to try and avoid making him seem like a 100% good character.

I don't know if that makes sense, but i feel like so much of the modern fandom want to avoid the "trap" of worshipping a character that has done morally grey things, in this case Ford.

I'm not quite sure if my point makes sense here, but the over villification I've see in SOME fanworks (no disparaging!! They are still all so good don't stop) and I'm not talking about the evil ford aus, I'm talking about canon adjacent fan works that make ford more mean than he is. To the point where when I rewatch the actual series, I get whiplash from how silly canon ford actually is.

I have no examples and I actually don't think this ramble makes too much sense, but I just think a lot of the fandom over vilified ford to try and avoid making him seem over heroic.

Also I think a lot of people do this in fear of making twink ford. Which. Ok fair.

Fors is a flawed, sometimes morally grey character. He is led by paranoia and insecurity. But he isn't mean or cold or kid hating, (especially post weirdmagedon) he's just a lil autistic

Read the tags for extra stuff

[votive-candle]

So I've been considering a rebrand on this blog for a long time for "professional" reasons... like changing my username, making an official portfolio with my name to it elsewhere, etc.

This idea has been mostly motivated by this deep insecurity I have surrounding what I would say is either NSFW work, suggestive art, "fangirl" energy, all that. And it's... frustrating, to say the least. And difficult express in a way that's coherent. Because my personal feelings are that art, even art that within the sphere of industry that I want to approach (ie. game art & story design, character writing and so on), should not have to be confined within this box of "sensibilities" that I'm told it should be.

If I was doing fine art like painting, or making installations, or sculpture, I get a sense that this puritanical ideology of self-censorship would not be expected of me. I also get a sense that if I was born male and lived as a man, there would be different industry expectations of me also. If I was a cis dude I don't think a game director would mind if I had a portfolio full to the brim with borderline naked, hypersexualised women and girls with big swords and huge racks (no shade, big boobs and big swords are fun and cool). But -- and again I don't have evidence of this, it's just a hunch -- I somehow get this idea that the way I approach drawing masculine figures? The way I write and express myself through, and speak about characters? The sexually explicit artwork I've drawn over the years, which majoritively does not even show genitalia? I get this gut feeling that this would be much less... palatable (?) in the industry for commercial, media focused art.

I've been drawing sexual content since I was a teen fangirl and I think it's really strange that somehow, as I get older and more mature (and I'm serious here, like really, let that sink in? I was told directly "you're not a kid anymore, potential employers won't like this" in response to shipping art an old tutor saw me post online a few years back?), it's considered in many ways less appropriate for me to produce explicit or sexually themed artwork. Particularly when that art has that air of "fangirl" (or "fan-person" in regards to myself) around it. Because "fangirls" aren't professional, are they? They're vapid, of course. They don't consume art meaningfully, not like strong, stoic men do. No, they just want their shipping and their coffeeshop AU's and their moodboards, and there's nothing creative in that, is there? No "professional practice" there.

I just find that... baffling

I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who is borderline asexual on that spectrum, and always has been. Somehow, professionalism is partly hinged on making your art less exploratory of adult themes, once you become an adult, once you're old enough to understand and properly illustrate the importance of adult themes. Isn't that strange to anyone else? Because to me it feels wrong.

Like I said, I'm borderline asexual. I don't draw sexual content to get my rocks off. I draw it because I find physical intimacy to be one of the most multifascited expressions of humanity between people. Sex and sexuality are so dynamic in their capacity for storytelling. With it (and safely so through fiction, if you're careful about it), you can express and explore so much; passion obviously, love, but also sadness and grief and condolence, malice and rage, heartbreak, self-destruction, self-improvement, excitement, fun, even just friendship.

Sex is beautifully dynamic from a humanistic standpoint. It shouldn't need to be considered this looming force of demonitisation, or an industry blockade. And I understand I have drawings that are too graphic, too NSFW to put in a professional portfolio, to leave online for employers to see. But I'm not even talking about smut here.

Majoritively, I really don't want to distance myself from a lot of this work I've created. It means something to me dude, because these characters and stories mean something to me. Sometimes the drawing itself is just... a technically well executed drawing. I don't want to revoke that because there's an implication of "ooh, someone's touching ass, breast and dick in there!"

Yet by expressing my excitement over that, I do feel cornered. Like I'll never get hired anywhere. Which isn't easy given the struggles I already have with disability, mental health, etc. So I feel a need to sort of give in and retcon a lot of my posts.

I don't like that finding work in the fields I'm interested in kind of hinges on a lack of self-expression, I suppose. I find it bitterly ironic since I want to work in creative fields. It feels like a betrayal of the self and of the purpose of art and good media for grown individuals.

But hey, I guess that's capitalism, baby.

This blog might change a bit in the near or semi-near future. Maybe a new username or profile pic, I'm not sure yet. Maybe a second blog will pop up somewhere. I just wanted to vent a bit on my disdain in having to make these decisions. Beg your pardon.

[severalcontemplatingducks]

After browsing and enjoying some of the lovely narilamb content on here and ao3, I now have some ideas for a cotl au I’d like to write on. Here’s a quick bullet point overview of some of its main aspects for now;

-Slow burn tragic yuri (well, half the time. I intend for Nari to be gender fluid in this au, as I imagine gods wouldn’t be particularly constricted to any one gender)

-Survivors guilt! Lamb. Considering they’re the last of their species after the rest were massacred by the Old Faith, I think there’s plenty to explore with the implications such a horrible event might leave on them. I assume they’ve been on the run or trying to hide from the Old Faith prior to eventually being captured and executed, I wouldn’t doubt that all the while they were haunted by the atrocities committed against the rest of their kind and family. It’d be interesting if in this au they actually did wish to join the rest of their fallen species after growing so weary of being hunted down, only for death to apparently need them for their ends.

-A final deal between Lamb and Narinder, where while lamb does refuse to give the crown back to Narinder after beating all the bishops once, they promise to give it back to them upon finally being able to find and properly lay to rest the remains of their family/friends. Afterwards, lamb is content with handing death’s domain back to Nari and facing the afterlife as was intended from the start.

-Yandere! Narinder. What better to contrast lamb’s yearning for disappearance into the afterlife than if death itself wanted them to stay? I already have quite a few ideas for how I’d like to write my version of Narinder. Which I’ll likely expand more on in future posts. For now, I’ll simply say, Nari will be a level of tragic probably on par with lamb.

-The gods of the Old Faith ultimately being embodiments of the inevitable laws they represent. While they do hold sway and can control to a good degree whatever they preside over, they cannot do anything to change the foundation of the laws they represent. In a sense, they’re always bound to the very laws that give them power. Blessing and a curse at times. Doing some of my own world building for this should be fun

-An overall angst-fest ahead. I have a craving for the feels and I must subject these two to it.

-Perhaps I’ll make some art for this au. I think it’d be a nice change of pace, considering I don’t typically do fanart.

[shouts-into-the-void]

To throw my hat in the ring here, my personal theory for Jeremy Knox's unknown fucked up past is that his brother committed suicide, which led to him developing anger issues/self destructive tendencies that were exacerbated by the his former team (I think he mentions them being pretty unsportsmanlike) and eventually escalated into something that got him arrested. He refused to give up exy which the family tried to blame for the issue, so instead his mom had him go to therapy, which helped him— along with the Trojan's general vibe— but at this point his family isn't willing to forgive him due to the potential scandal/whatever happened. I'm thinking the incident probably has something to due with the former exy team as a whole but that's as far as my theory goes.