#this isnt well thought out or anything im having late night thoughts

[shouts-into-the-void]

To throw my hat in the ring here, my personal theory for Jeremy Knox's unknown fucked up past is that his brother committed suicide, which led to him developing anger issues/self destructive tendencies that were exacerbated by the his former team (I think he mentions them being pretty unsportsmanlike) and eventually escalated into something that got him arrested. He refused to give up exy which the family tried to blame for the issue, so instead his mom had him go to therapy, which helped him— along with the Trojan's general vibe— but at this point his family isn't willing to forgive him due to the potential scandal/whatever happened. I'm thinking the incident probably has something to due with the former exy team as a whole but that's as far as my theory goes.

[wawek]

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

[cranberrv]

thunder

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ in which dallas winston loses his temper

( a/n : HIII im sorry if this wasnt ur vision but i dont think dallas is one for big apologies so i kinda focused on the arguement more than the apology hope that’s ok… also toxic dallas alert sorry if that isnt ur scene!! also not proofread but hope u cuties enjoy )

it was a late night in mid-summer, and you and dallas were on the porch on the curtis brothers house. he wanted to go out for a smoke, and dragged you along. you were wearing his leather jacket, it was a windy night and you were getting chilly. dallas had goosebumps along his arms.

“are you sure you don’t want it back, dal?” you ask him, insisting on giving him his jacket back.

“nah, sugar, don’t want ya freezin’ to death out here,” he answers, taking a drag of his cigarette as he looks out at the empty street.

“i’ll just go inside, though, so you don’t get hypothermia or something..” you insist, but he grabs your hand and stops you.

“you’re fine, baby, stay with me.” you look up at him and nod, squeezing his hand a bit tighter.

you stand outside for a little while longer. it feels so peaceful standing there with him. his hand that’s rough and dangerous from the punches it throws is enveloping yours in a sweet gentleness shown only with you. his cigarette smoke becoming a mock mist that calms you both down. his deep breathes that are only heard because of how quiet it is.

nothing could ruin this moment.

you felt it was a good time to say the three words. not like you hadn’t said them before — it’s been a year since you’ve started dating, and you’ve both adored each other from the very start. but dallas got funny when you told him what he already knew. tonight would be different, you thought.

“.. i love ya, dal,” you say softly after a few moments of quiet. it felt casual — exactly what he would have wanted. but maybe not casual enough, because there was a short silence following your words.

eventually, he speaks. “i know ya do, sugar.”

you sigh. why is it that he could never stand to say it back?

he catches your sigh. of course he knows what you’re sighing about — he knows you all too well. he chooses not to act on it, not to apologize, not to say anything. he doesn’t want to fight with you. he just takes a drag of his cigarette and plays innocent.

“it would be nice to know that you loved me too, dallas,” you eventually say.

“oh c’mon,” another drag of his cigarette. “you ain’t an idiot, you know i do.”

“do i? i can’t remember one time you’ve said ‘i love you’ to me,” you cross your arms and look up at him.

“this isn’t somethin’ to get pressed on, y/n, the boys are inside and the windows are open,” he puts a hand on your shoulder, trying to get you to stop talking, to pretend like you’re okay. all because he doesn’t want his friends to hear. “and i have said it, baby, you’re just forgetting or somethin’.”

“you have not, i would remember if you have,” you counter, shoving his hand off of you. “i don’t want to argue, dallas, i really don’t—“

“too damn bad, y/n, because you’re sayin’ that i don’t love you, and we both know that ain’t true,”

“then say it.”

“..what?”

“you heard me,” you say. “it has been a whole year of us dating, and you’re never ready to say that you love me,” you raise your voice to get your point across.

“christ, y/n, you’re difficult, huh?” he groans. “it ain’t a big deal, don’t go throwing a tantrum.”

“i’m difficult? dallas, i don’t know if you get how a relationship works, but at this point, you either love me, or you’re done with me. there is no middle ground after this long together.”

“you’re fuckin’ crazy, i know how a relationship works, and i ain’t done with you. don’t go stickin’ words in my mouth,” his voice is raising, too.

“if you’re not done with me, then you love me.” you say, in a desperate attempt to get him to say the three words. you almost want to beg. “it hurts, dallas, that i don’t get that reassurance, that i leave our dates with my words hanging in the air, waiting for a reply,”

he groans. “you know that i do, so what’s the fuckin’ point?”

“you’re unbelievable.”

he scoffs, his voice raising. not quite yelling, but definitely not talking. “holy fuck, you know that i love you, man, so quit bein’ such a bitch!”

the crease in your eyebrow drops as he says that. “don’t call me that,”

“c’mon, man, you’re acting like a fuckin’ lunatic trying to get me to admit somethin’ that i’ve already admitted,” he says, voice still raised. “take a deep breath, maybe get a glass of water, and come back to me once you’re normal again.”

you scoff. “because i’m expressing my feelings, suddenly i’m a lunatic? because i’m not like your old girls, and i actually strive for a healthy relationship, i’m not normal?”

“you’re freakin’ out because i didn’t say it back once, of course i think you’re going crazy.”

“i’m ‘freaking out’ because it’s been a year of ‘thank you’ and ‘i know’ whenever i tell you i love you,”

“you’re being a dumbass, y/n, you know i—“ he cuts himself off, sighing and taking a step back. “fine, man, whatever, you win. go inside and call bucks when you’ve cooled off, i’m goin’ home,”

when he walks past you, the air is thick and unwelcoming. you don’t even bother getting the last word, dreading the fact that he might turn back and lose his shit if you do. he mutters something incoherent under his breath, and walks down the creeky front porch steps, into the dead of night.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

of course, you don’t call bucks. why would you? just so buck can tell you that dallas isn’t there, when in reality he just doesn’t want to talk to you? just so suddenly you’re bending to his will, and he’s getting his way once again? you don’t think so.

dallas does this a lot — whenver you two fight, even if it’s a small one, he needs time to cool off. sometimes it’s a couple hours, sometimes it’s a day. it’s never stretched longer, until now. it’s been three torturous days of waiting for a grand gesture, an apology, anything.

the next day at school, you’re walking through the parking lot during your lunch break, talking to cherry valance and marcia about what happened between you and dallas. they say a lot of “told you so” and “that’s dallas for you”, and you can’t say they’re wrong. they warned you about him, and his reputation for being so short-tempered and stubborn.

the sound of an engine roars behind you, and you and your friends turn your heads to see who is making the noise. it’s a 1957 red thunderbird, you recognize it as buck merrill’s.

“that must be dal’s friend, buck,” you whisper to your friends. “but why would buck be here?”

“he’s a greaser, he’s probably like, 5 grades behind and coming here begging for another shot at graduation,” randy, marcia’s boyfriend, teases. you shoot him a glare, and he shuts up.

“i’ll go see whats up,” you say softly, walking over to the now-parked car.

as you walk over and the window rolls down. it is not buck merrill, like you expected, but it’s dallas winston.

“hi,” you say softly, your walls starting to go up but hesitating, wondering if you’re even still fighting.

“hey, sweetie,” he says, not explaining what he’s doing here.

“what’re doing?” you ask him.

he shrugs. “wanted to see you, i dunno.”

“oh,” you say softly. you hoped for an apology, you hoped for flowers, you hoped for chocolate, you hoped for a hug, you hoped for—

“i shouldn’t of gotten all heated when we talked, it wasn’t cool,” he says, interrupting your thoughts. “and you ain’t a bitch.”

“..thanks.” you say after a few seconds of silence. what a shit apology, you think.

he’s staring out into the parking lot instead of you. “and i’m crazy about you, man,” he looks up at you. “you gotta know that, sugar.”

“thank you,” you repeat again, unsure of what to say.

another beat of silence as he swallows in his throat, before speaking and finally looking over at you. “i love ya, doll,”

you should’ve stayed mad, you should’ve not accepted his awful apology, but you cannot hide the smile tugging at your lips. this is all you’ve asked for from him, and he finally has the courage to admit it.

“i love you too, dallas.” you say softly, leaning into the window and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “thank you,”

“you gotta stop sayin’ that, y/n,” he teases, playfully pushing you away. “go hang out with your stupid friends, man. i’ll come over tonight and hang.”

you nod, and walk away, looking back at him and seeing a small smile on his face. nothing could ruin this moment.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if i keep having sex with my friends dad? nsfw warning

i (20s cismale) got invited by my friend (20s nonbinary) to try out some new edibles they made last thursday. this isnt too weird because both of us are unemployed (they get disability, i get money from unemployment, and we both live with our parents) and usually during the day their dad (50s cismale) is at work so we get the house to ourselves. well last thursday was different because i came over late in the night when their dad was home, and he offered to make me some dinner too. i get the munchies really bad so i was immediately like yes please and thank you while i fucked off to my friends room. we played some smash bros while we waited for the cookies to kick in, and when it started to hit his dad called us both out for dinner. dinner was great, and his dad is super chill — so he let us raid his alcohol cabinet. i dont think he knew either of us were stoned for the record (im naturally really quiet/dont make eye contact, my friend sounds high 24/7 naturally) so i dont think he was like trying to get anyone drunk or anything. my tolerance is pretty good but my friends is shit so it didnt take long until they were like blackout drunk and passing out on the couch, while their dad and i were both drunk too (not blackout but pretty drunk, and i was still high) and sitting on the opposite side of the couch next to eachother

important fact about me - i crossdress like femboys or whatever theyre called. i like looking really feminine and cute and confusing people. im not trans or anything like that gender is just a game and i am winning it. but i do tend to dress up in very egirl/goth gf clothes if you know what i mean, and i look pretty convincing ive been told (friend tells me i would pass for ciswoman with the makeup on). i think their dad maybe forgot that i was me (he usually sees me in boy clothes) and he started hitting on me? i didnt think i was gay or bi either until he started doing it and i got really flustered but i didnt stop him? again i was fucked up so the attention felt really nice despite it being my friends dad. but anyways he kept getting closer until he kissed me, and it felt nice so i let it keep going? which was probably super fucked up in retrospect. but anyways stuff gets hot and steamy, their dad doesnt bother lifting up my skirt, one thing leads to another and we have sex. he definitely noticed im not a girl during that (its pretty hard to miss lol) but he didnt stop so we kept going for a while

after we were done he and i passed out on the couch in a kind of awkward position, we both woke up in the morning and i think thats when he realized im me, but he didnt seem to freak out even though hes straight?? or at least i thought he was straight. but we had sex again in the morning and then when my friend woke up we all had breakfast and i went back to my friends room and we hung out more and got high again. while we were though i accidentally spilled the beans to my friend, and they FREAKED out on me and said that i was so gross for doing that, and they cant believe that it happened, stuff like that. they kicked me out of their room and their dad had to drive me home because i was shaking bad from it. but while their dad drove me home i was super pissed and mad and not thinking straight (haha) and so i tried to convince their dad to take a detour so we could fuck again. and he was like, okay sure, so we did?? but now i feel horrible for doing it knowing that it grossed my friend out so much, but i really like their dad and he seems to like me too, and i want to keep banging him :(

What are these acronyms?

[kymsys]

(okay i was going about my day yesterday but i really couldn't get the merman au out of my head😭😭 i just imagine for a while somehow geto managed to sneak satoru into the palace and then it's a whole ordeal trying to hide him. panicked geto and oblivious gojo and really for all that image is stuck in my head i still have yet to write a proper interaction w them but!! it's not proofread so sorry if there are mistakes and it's a bit scattered but i had to get this one scene out that was brewing in my mind so🥺 ignore this if you want❗️❗️)

--

From the mezzanine, everyone looked like ants. Suguru had to squint to make out familiar faces in the crowd, and even then, the only person he could identify was a distant aunt of his that he had never really liked. Usually, he'd have been able to pick apart anyone of significance; he'd have known their name, their title, their interests. 

Suguru would've known, he always memorises the details before public events — he spends days in his room at a time, talking into the mirror and telling his reflection things about these people who he has never met. Perhaps, lately, he'd been busy with Satoru.

Suguru smiled. He didn't feel as guilty as he thought he would.

A hand clapped on his back, and he jolted. Shoko beside him, cocking a brow. “What's got you looking like a dumbass?” Her voice was flat, eyes busy scanning the crowd and Suguru knew who she was looking for.

He cleared his throat. He couldn't really tell her that he was keeping a siren in the little pond in his private garden — well, it wasn't exactly little, but that information held no relevance anyway. Shoko was his dear friend, and he knew she would always support him, but he had to keep Satoru a secret, more for her sake. Suguru bit his lip in thought. If only Satoru didn't have such a strong taste for human flesh.

“Is meat more nutritious than fish?”

“What?”

“Nevermind.” Suguru winced at the look he was being sent. He didn't mean to blurt the question out, but he'd been thinking about it for days. The salmon that he'd been feeding Satoru probably wasn't enough to sustain a creature his size — especially when he was so active — which would mean he burnt through a lot of calories very quickly. “Utahime is on the balcony,” Suguru pointed in the general direction, giving Shoko a pat on the shoulder, “good luck.”

From his peripheral vision, he could see Shoko roll her eyes as he walked away, but she muttered a small 'thanks' before she turned to find the other woman. He was glad she finally had someone to open up to other than him — he saw how happy Shoko was with Utahime, and with the burden of inheriting the throne giving her sleepless nights, it was all Suguru could want for his closest friend.

He turned his attention back to the winding flight of stairs before him. Now, to find some meat.

KINGGGGGGGGGGGG (can i call you like that??)!!!! ♥ GAHHH IM SO HONOURED AND HAPPY, you actually wrote MORE??? bless you, this is truely amazing, this has me by my throat. thank you so fucking much, i love it!! <3 WHY THE FUCK WOULD I EVER IGNORE THIS, are u out of your mind. i LOVEEEE the way suguru keeps thinking about his little "pet" gojo and what would probably be the best food for him! like indeed he is a massive creature, he will probably need...a lot?? but also at the same time i can imagine that he is maybe not that....needy. isnt that a thing with lots of sharks or deep sea fish that they eat very little, just because its so hard to get by food? so their organism is evolved to survive on very little food and thrive nonetheless. MAYBE suguru just thinks gojo is in need of lots of food, but actually gojo just likes to eat bc he enjoys the food, but doesnt neccessarily need it?(he is also a mystical creature, so in that sense anything is possible really xD) I ALSO LOVE HOW SUGURU JUST RANDOMLY ASKS SHOKO ABOUT NUTRITIONS AND SHOKO IS JUST LIKE WHAT, i adore that ; u ; <3 AND OMG gojo lives in a pond in his private garden??? HOW CUTE!! so that makes me wonder (pls indulge with me) why would he bring this technically "monster" into his home? generally i would think maybe that a creature like that needs its space and would need their freedom? so MAYBEEEEE smth has happened? maybe gojo got hurt, maybe even when he was caught in the fishernet situation? MAYBE suguru needs to take care of him until he gets better and maybe gojo, the curious creepy creature that he is, enjoys the change of environment and the new feeling of being cared for?? its exciting for both! what do you think ?? 👉👈 maybe you had a different idea?? im so excited to hear your thoughts!! AND AGAIN THANK YOU, i love it SO much, i feel so lucky that you actually like it so much that you wanna write about it T___T ♥

EVERYONE LOOK !!!!!!!!

[ifimdreaming]

loved the story you wrote about johnny, could you maybe write something more. maybe about getting married or something domestic?

blurb!

i love you more

john marino x reader || fluff

summary: you are feeling super anxious at yuors and johns engagemtn dinner (cw: anxiety!)

authors note: this isnt exactly what was requested but i felt like it fits johns personality sm

word count: 0.8k

-

“Ok! Ok everyone!” your best friend says as she begins standing up from the dinner table, clinking her glass with a fork as everyone silences.

“I just want to say a quick cheers to the most adorable couple ever! and congratulations on their engagement, i am sincerely so so excited for the both of them and i cannot wait to celebrate their love with them on their wedding day! cheers!” she says smiling at you and john, and you begin to turn red with all the attention on you before everyone begins to clap, finally downing the champagne from their glasses. 

It was not your idea to have an engagement party in the first place but john was so excited when your sister brought up the idea of hosting a dinner that you just couldnt say no to him. you hated having so much attention on yourself, but at the same time, its good practice for your actual wedding day.

there seemed to be a lot more people here who you didnt know very well. which you were not expecting. but your sister did plan this party in its entirety, down to the guest list. And although you were grateful for that, you definitely would be the one approving the guest list for your wedding day.

the napkin that lays on your lap begins to slip to the side because of how much you are bouncing your legs up and down unknowingly.

“you doing ok?” john whispers as he picks your napkin up before it falls, 

 you were doing so well at the beginning of the night that you didn't even notice how much your anxiousness progressed until john points it out.

“I think i just need a moment, ill be right back.” 

“do you want me to come with you?” he places a hand sofly against your back, standing up with you

“Its alright, ill only be a minute” you say trying not to worry him to much, but deep down you couldnt wait for the party to be over 

you made your way upstairs to your childhood bedroom and laid on the bed feeling so much relief just being inthe quiet room by yourself.

 In this moment you were so thankful your mom and sister planned this dinner at your parents house. Your mind was racing with anxious thoughts, and having the freedom to just lie down in your old bed gave you so much comfort.

a knock on the door pulls you out of your thoughts, “hunny? Can i come in?” john says softly and you are so thankful that its him at the door

“yep, come on in” you say as you sit up, your legs hanging off the end of the bed.

“hi my love. how are you?” he shuts the door behind him and makes his towards you, crouching in between your legs as he places his hands on your thighs, slowly moving his hands along them.

“Im ok.” 

“i told everyone we’re heading out soon, so your family is starting on the dishes. and i think some people are starting to leave” he says and you smile with relief.

you hated to be the one to tell everyone you were leaving, even if it was getting late you felt bad having to kick everyone out. but john knew exactly how to take care of you. Its so relieving to not have to apologize for or hide your anxiety from him, unlike previous relationships youve been in.

“thank you johnny. c-can we go back to your place?” 

“yeah of course” he says as he leans up and places a gentle kiss to your lips. 

“anything you want baby” he says after pulling away for a moment and stroking his thumb over your face. He is always extra gentle with you when you felt anxious. It made you feel so lucky to have him.

“thanks johnny” you repeat and he just stares at you. A soft giggle leaving his mouth.

“why are you staring at me?”

“i cannot wait to marry you baby.” he starts and you roll your eyes at his cheesiness. 

“cant wait to take you home with me every single night and take care of you every single day.” he says as he plays with th engagement ring on your finger, making you smile at the thought of finally living in the same house together. and having him by your side in moments like this forever.

“Me too jj. I love you so much”

“I love you moreee” he says as you place your hands on his shoulders, giving him a peck on the lips.

he moves his hands from your legs over onto the bed, bracing himself as he pushes you down on the bed with his face against yours. 

you giggle into the kiss and he just attacks you with kisses all over your face, making your laughter grow and your anxiousness finally let up.

-

-

[cupoftaae]

HII i'd like to request prompt 11 "give me time, give us time" for kookiee? and if its ok id like to give u a small plot just in case you dont know how to work with this if thats okay 🥺

so the tiny tannie lil ol plot for this wuld be: jk being a bit of a workaholic (very much so.) and y/n is quite tired of it.. note that this is non!idol and married! :D they had a talk and a cool plot twist wuld be how y/n was actualy planning to surprise him abt being pregnant!!!GASPAND THEN KOOKIE NEVER NOTICED THE SYMPTOMS CUZ HES BEEN WORKING TOO MUCH!!! and like yeah she getzz rlly emotionsl

AND IF ITS OK CAN U GIVE LIKE AN AFTERMATH OF THIS? LIKE 1 OR 2 YEARS AWAY FROM THE ARGUMET? hope this isnt too much 😭

Hello!! oh my goodness this is so amazing, no one has given me a plot to write by, this is really cool and I hope that I do a good enough job portraying this for you! Thank you so much for sending this in <3

La La Land (JK drabble request)

warnings- mentions of drinking, angst, mentions of pregnancy, swearing, couple fighting, fluff, kissing (nothing major) I think thats all?

enjoy <3

"I cant tell, is this a positive or negative?"

Your voice was shaky and frail, holding up the test to your phone camera, trying to show your friend.

"blurry, cant see, read the box y/n. instructions are there" Your friend sighed, in her defense, it was late, and you called her out of slumber- but only because you were totally hyped at the sudden realization that you were finally possibly pregnant.

You and Jungkook had not necessarily been trying, nor necessarily avoiding it.

You both wanted kids, but never really specified when. Considering the fact you have now been married for 2 years, and your relatives are up your ass about when it is that you will have a baby, even though its not their business at all.

You wanted this for you, and today might be the day you get what you wished for.

"You just took it, let it sit for a moment"

you nodded at your friends words as you placed the test onto the bathroom sink, moving your hands to rest on your hips as your teeth tugged at your bottom lip in thought.

"whats on your mind, hun?" she asked

"a lot..." you giggled, drawing your eyes back to her. "If I am, I just hope Kook is happy, thats all I want"

"mm his schedule is so busy"

"I know, work always comes first with him, thats why im nervous. Its not like he told me to take birth control or anything, and we have condoms he just refuses to use one" you snicker

She laughs, "well then yeah what did he expect?"

"but hes a head manager at the company he works at, hes spent so much time climbing the ladder to get there, what if this throws him in a loop?"

"y/n....girl...listen to me, he is partially responsible for this, so he needs to be accepting or I will personally come down there and make him accepting"

You laughed at your friend, thankful you had some humor relief out of all the tension.

"and listen, you are in your 30's, its not like you are 20 years old and unmarried, you know?"

"yeah...youre right...im gonna look now, I think its ready"

"okay"

You gently flipped over the test and held it close to your eyes, a faint blue plus sign appeared, making your heart thump so loud it was audible in your ears.

"holy shit, its positive!"

"its positive?" your friends voice shot up 3 octaves

"YES!!!" you jumped around, wishing jungkook was home right now to show him, instead bathing in the moment with your best friend.

"congratulations, y/n, oh my god im so happy for you!!!"

"thank you!" you wiped a few tears, gripping the test almost as if it wouldnt be real if you let it go. "oh jesus this is so....wow!"

"remember what I said, everything will be okay"

You nodded, taking a deep breath

"everything will be okay, yeah....your right."

-

Everything, in fact, was not alright.

It's been 2 weeks since that night you found out you were pregnant, and everytime you think you are ready to tell Jungkook, something happens.

"oh gotta go babe, they are calling me into work"

"too tired to talk tonight honey, i have to get up at 5am"

"not right now baby, maybe tomorrow?"

It never ended, he was in and out the front door constantly.

It was upsetting that the only time youve had to talk with him recently was when you both took a shower a few days ago.

"you look so tired" you frowned, pushing his hair back

"I know...I am"

"you need to sleep more" you kissed his chest, resting against it under the warm water.

He let out a soft laugh, "yeah...when is there time for rest?"

"its okay to take time off, you know? youre a manager, you have more control"

"I just need to prove to everyone that I am capable of handling the position" he insisted

"Obviously you are, they wouldnt-"

"y/n, just dont worry about it....okay?" he squeezed you softly, trying to change the subject and shutting you down, because you wouldnt get it

-

You wanted your husband, you wanted him more than anything, and this feeling only turned to anger as you sat with him at the dinner table one night.

You were now almost 2 months pregnant and still have not told him.

You planned a nice meal to eat, his favorite.

You cooked all the vegetables and spent hours slaving in the hot kitchen making sure everything was up to perfection for him, just for him to come home at 2am with no text in regard to him being late.

"its late, honey, im sorry, we can eat tomorrow"

You stood to your feet before he could leave the room, all of your dishes sitting on the stove, some now cold. "no, we are gonna eat now."

You know he smelled the food, and never did he once acknowledge the fact you made his favorite dish, or thank you for it.

His eyes widened, not used to hearing the sudden tone in your voice.

"please....please just sit" your voice cracked slightly as you watched him slowly walk back to the seat, sinking into it.

"are you mad at me?" he whispered, watching your back as you heated up the food into a plate for him.

"mad..?" you chuckle to yourself, trying to gather your thoughts.

"yeah, mad. are you?"

You took the food out of the microwave and handed it to him, sitting on the other end of the table and looking at him desperatley.

"jungkook...have you noticed anything...different?"

He smiled gently, confusion in his eyes, "what do you mean?"

Your expression softened from hopeful to dissapointment.

"you dont see...you dont feel like anything is different?"

"no?" he half smiled, looking around awkwardly.

You looked down at your plate, teary eyes overcoming you as you tried hard to prevent your breakdown- but its been a long time coming.

"wha-"

"jungkook!" you cry out desperately, leaving him shocked and confused at the odd behavior.

"baby why are you crying? whats going on? what is this?" he panicked

"You!! im crying because of you!!" you stood, covering your face as you felt the embarrassment fall over you.

"what did I do?" he got up and tried to come over to hold you, but you pushed him away.

He let you talk, not knowing how to respond to anything.

"you are never home, Jungkook. I fucking miss my husband, okay? I spent 4 hours in this kitchen, sick as hell, making your favorite dish and I dont get any type of thank you, instead you come home 3 hours late and decide its time to sleep, you reek of alcohol as well" you wipe you tears hastily.

He stood, looking at you as his eyes teared up

"I know work is important, I know it is, But I matter too Jungkook!! We are married, I am your WIFE! im not just the maid and chef here, you know?

"baby I never said any of that-"

"you treat me like one!!" you cry, pacing the room, "see, you still dont even notice anything do you?"

He looked helplessly, "Im sorry, honey, I really am, but I need work-"

"not this much!!" you looked at him sharply, "Ive been home alone these past few weeks, dealing with a certain situation ive been terrified to tell you about all by myself!"

"im here now, tell me! tell me! what is going on and how can I fix this?"

"I just want you, jungkook....One fucking day, one fucking dinner" you gesture to the table "When was the last time we even woke up together and cuddled, or had a fucking cup of coffee and talked? Months...MONTHS!"

"my angel im sorry ive been neglecting you, why didnt you say something to me sooner?"

"I was trying to understand, I was trying sooo hard to put myself in your shoes but damnit, jungkook, I cant hide it anymore" you sobbed, knowing how crazy you looked to him right now. "Its...its not fair!!"

He gently grabbed your arm, leading you towards him, his eyes searching deep into your own.

You sighed, trying to adjust your breathing, "g-give me time, give us time." you wrapped your arms around yourself and looked at him.

"us?"

You swallowed harshly, trying to steady your voice, "im pregnant, Jungkook. I found out weeks ago and since then youve left me home alone with not an ounce of time for me to tell you, which is now resulting in this"

He froze, his eyes softening at you as he tears up, "pregnant? baby..."

"yes!" you step back, "and...and you didnt even notice! I tried leaving clues, I left the test in your bedside nightstand and you never fucking saw it?"

"n-no baby...youre pregnant, oh my god, honey" he brought you back to him, a soft yet sad smile on his face

"Its been all me, im the only one who has to deal with it and its not fair. If you dont have time for me, how the hell are you gonna manage to parent our child?" you glared "I refuse to parent alone, this is a team effort, jungkook. Yes money is important, but I need you, I need you to stop being a manager first and my husband second"

He took a shaky breath, part of him scared to say the wrong thing, "I- I understand honey" he nodded, holding your hands as he cried "fuck- im so sorry" you let him pull you into a tight hug "Im so sorry holy shit...im such a fucking dumbass, how could I not know?" he ran his hand up and down your back, face hidden into your shoulder as you both cried.

"you need to understand, I am serious, things have to change!"

"they will! they will! I'll change right now I promise Im gonna be here for you, for both of you" his hands held your stomach, desperation in his voice "dont leave...." he whispered

"im not going to, jungkook. But you need to stop working so much, I cant do this by myself"

"you dont have to, im here for you, whatever you need, fuck I'll take the rest of the week off for you, just let me hold you" he squeezed you tighter

"I miss you so much" your voice was quiet

"I love you, im so sorry I never noticed, Im so dumb baby....I love you,I love you" he cupped your face and pressed a delicate kiss to your lips, forehead against yours, "thank you for all you do, im an ass for not recognizing any of it"

"I love you too....just please...do it for us...?"

He nods "anything....for you, i'll do fucking anything baby." he kisses you once more as you both gently sway in the kitchen. The tension of the argument still lingering in the air, thick and prominent.

This wasnt a fixed issue, more so a stepping stone to him proving his words.

If he wanted to be a dad, he needed to show you he was ready for it.

--

"he is crying again" you sigh, rubbing your eyes and sitting up to look at the baby monitor.

"I'll get him" jungkook immediately got up and walked down the hall, following the sad cries that led him to your baby's room.

"little man...its 4am...why the tears?"he frowned at his 3 month old who's arms flared around.

the first 2 months of Kaiylin being born, you kept him in your main bedroom at night but you wanted to test out how he would sleep on his own, and so far its not been good.

"you want mama, huh?" he picked him up, holding him close and gently bouncing his knees. He didnt smell, so it wasnt his diaper, and he had just been fed not too long ago, so it was easy for jungkook to know he just missed his mommy and daddy.

He slowly walked into the bedroom, you were about to fall asleep. "oh kai" you frown as your husband places him into the bed between you both, his body facing the smaller ones so he doesnt fall out or move around.

"aw baby" you rub his head softly, "its okay now, shh, shh"

Jungkook gives you an empathetic look, "I know you havent slept im sorry"

You shrug, "i'll nap tomorrow"

"I'll take him into my office, he can sit in his rocker while you nap"

You smile softly kissing your husband, "thanks, baby"

You had to admit, Jungkook has stepped up more than you assumed he would. Hes began to work from home, giving time for not only your little family, but especially you and him.

He has been such a help with everything, from watching Kai during the night, to cooking and cleaning for you, its been 100% teamwork since you gave birth and you couldnt thank him enough for it all,

Things were finally starting to even out and you could not have been happier, the man you married in the first place was returned back to you, in the form of a loving father.

"hes sleeping again, look" jungkook whispered

Your eyes darted to the newborn in between you and your husband, you slightly giggled, "poor thing"

"co-sleeping just works I guess" he smiled, leaning over to kiss you gently, "go back to sleep honey, ill watch him for a bit, its okay."

"I love you, thank you..." you looked at him

"I love you too sweetheart"

-

a/n- ahh! I really hope this is what you wanted, it was fun to write and follow the prompt. Thanks again for sending this in! -Nini

[petertingle-yipyip]

WORLD CLASS SINNER - FRANK CASTLE

epilogue : i know it won’t work

tags: n/a // one // finale // masterlist // season two //

Pairing: frank x reader

Word Count: 582

Summary: After a couple weeks, Y/N decides to open Frank’s letter.

You were seated back on your rooftop. You had stayed out there the night prior, while the moon was at her peak. You had taken up the routine of talking to the moon in the late hours of the night, hoping Matt was on the other side and he was talking back despite knowing he wasn’t.

Dex had left for work after having stayed the night. You had physical therapy later that day, one of four sessions every week. You were also required to do traditional therapy to ensure there was no lingering trauma, but you were able to use Curtis’ support group for that requirement.

Karen tried calling ever since you were discharged but you hardly answered. Usually it was just a run in with her every few days when she felt the urge to come check for Matt’s suit. You grew more and more irritated with her intrusions since you knew he wasn’t coming back. Yet she still came, still pried that wound open again.

You felt suffocated, like all of your pain - both physical and emotional - were massive waves that crashed into you and knocked you down everytime you thought you could stand.

There was no relief, no healing. You were broken. You were tempted to even slide off your rooftop and let Matt’s God decide for you. But you didn’t. You didn’t because… Well you didn’t quite know why, but something about death didn’t seem so appealing anymore.

Instead, you opened Frank’s letter.

“hey princess.

when i left this with you i hoped you wouldn’t need to open it but here you are. if you are reading this then that means youve hit your limit. im sorry im not there with you right now but its for the best. thats what they said at least.

i want to tell you that you arent defined by any persons inability to choose you. dont abandon who you cause russo did. dont neglect or question yourself alright? cause i know damn well murdock never did. that guy saw you for you y/n. he knew exactly who you were and he probably knew it before you did.

what i know is that not everyone has a heart like yours. most people don't know how to give the way you do. they just take yknow? carrying a heart big as yours gotta be exhausting. but you got this light and its really a gift but i know youre starting to feel like a curse.

as cheesy as this is gonna sound you gotta keep pushing. life for me and you isnt easy and youre too damn stubborn to let anything take you down. jesus y/n the stories i would hear about you in the costume had me convinced you werent human.

i want to leave you an address to write to but i dont even know where imma end up. its real shitty that i had to leave you like that but i wouldn’t have if i didnt think you had it in you to pull through.

murdock saw your light. i saw it. karen and nelson see it. pretty sure russo saw it too before everything. and no one can take from you unless you let them. i know youre going through hell right now but keep going. how are you gonna see it get better if you quit now?

i love you y/n. stay alive till i made a trip back alright?

ps: forgive yourself for everything.

-f “

[slutdge]

Heavy subject matter under the cut im just not feeling well and need to get it out of my system

i used to constantly try to convince myself that my experiences with police brutality werent that trauamatizing but im glad i got over that, cause girlypop if you were slammed down on the ground, handcuffed and screamed at to stop resisting (all this during a mental health wellness check) despite yknow. being handcuffed face down on the ground while an officer was digging her knee into my spine so hard i couldnt stand up straight for over a week afterwards was, in fact, bad for your mental health. and this was only one of many instances. dont give these dumb fucking pigs any grace.

with that being said, i dont think ive expressed enough how much you will never feel safe after experiencing police brutality or mistreatment even if its just one time, whether its in your home or in public, you will never feel safe again anywhere because you know first hand they can do whatever they want and get away with it, and its something ive really been struggling to cope with lately now that im kinda drinking less off and on. like i dont know how to function knowing that that could happen again at any time no matter where i am and i couldnt do anything to stop it because even if you dont resist they still wont give you any kind of mercy, there is nothing you can do to snap them out of their fascist power trip because thats why they became cops in the first place. i dont know how to not live in fear and despair when cops are out there especially with the added factor that my abusive parents have on multiple occassions made false 911 calls that ive said i had a plan to kill myself so that i would be arrested and taken to the psych ward every time theyve suspected ive been getting too close to escaping from them and going no contact with them like i want to, even going as far to get a court order to have me arrested. idk i just dont know what to do anymore lol theres not a single thing in my life that isnt tainted with despair idk how im even alive still. sorry for the depressing incoherent late night thoughts, i hope yall are having a good night 🫀 it sounds silly cause its just tumblr but truly this blog is the only place i feel like i can freely express myself and i appreciate everyone who has taken the time to send me kind messages, more often than not thats the only positive thing ill experience in my day

[lucky-rabbits]

i wish i had thoughts in my brain i want to think abt silly self ship stuff but im just. really numb and tired at this point jfkdljfklds

maybe ill think more abt my cringe modern au rookrol thoughts before making myself pass out........

rook and their late partner (ash) raised ash's two younger siblings together and then. well ash dies (idk if it was suddenly or illness yet) and rook becomes the sole guardian of both darcy and silas

and like. grief and recovery isnt linear at all so im just. thinking abt rookrol comfort where rook has an mini episode around roland for the first time and is trying so hard to keep it together, apologizing and telling him that he should leave for the night since this is not something he should have to deal with since the two havent been dating for that long yet

rook trying so hard to tough it out on their own, not wanting to be a burden on anyone because THEY have to be the one to keep it together for the sake of everyone else.

but roland Does Not leave, he's not pushy abt trying to find ways to comfort or help rook. but he stays and waits for when/if rook needs anything form him

[xplrvibes]

alright im half way thru and here are my thoughts so far:

1. I truthfully don’t know any of the controversy around joe rogan, i just know he’s hella popular for being controversial and he’s someone i’d be on edge to have a convo with bc what i have seen is he questions everything and he isn’t afraid to let you know he doesn’t agree. but snc seem to really like him and vibe with him and it does seem super out of the blue for joe to want ghost hunters to come investigate his place (I hope this isnt a set up). either way, sounds interesting.

2. that contract from o-park mall is challenge worthy. they spelt colbys name entirely wrong (misspelt his last name and used his nickname and not his legal name) making it null and void from my understanding. i would also say the same abt sam as they used a nickname not a legal name. A good lawyer could wiggle them out of that if they cared.

3. loved hearing colbys take on religion. im the same, i’m not so much religious as i have a relationship with God. i think thats way more important than being in a religious community. and i also feel the same way about just knowing there’s something else out there. also interesting he was the only one on the table who doesn’t have dreams of dying. chop that up to trusting in God and not being afraid bc he knows God has the perfect plan and everything is in control, or just generally not afraid to die for other reasons, who knows. definitely fascinating, either way.

alright i’ll be back in 1.5hr hours with part 2 comments. I probably missed a bunch of stuff i could’ve commented on but these are my standout comments.

- aussie anon

I finished the podcast late last night and then immediately went to bed without really doing a deep dive into my thoughts on the whole thing (aside from a few choice areas that stuck in my brain and had to be discussed in dm's last night lol), so I'm going to use your reviews to sort of start my own review, and then will probably finish up with an additional post later on side thoughts - cause I have a lot lol.

1, The thing with Joe Rogan is that he kind of plays both sides of the fence, in terms of not just politics, but pretty much anything going on (he will have on conservatives and liberals, will have on atheists and people like snc, will have on scientists and then people who believe in UFOs, etc) and so he tends to be very controversial because of that. I don't listen to him, his viewpoints on certain things aren't really my cup of tea and he has in the past said some stuff in his pursuit of riding the fence that was not good and gross and everything, so this is not me defending him or whatever - but at the end of the day, he has the most listened to podcast on earth and love him or hate him, is a household name. Them being invited on his podcast, being treated very well by him, and then him keeping in touch with them and inviting them out to his comedy club is objectively a big deal for them and their visibility and they aren't going to turn that down because twitter - who has pretty much made it clear they lowkey hate snc anyway lol - have an issue with the collab.

I actually found that part of the conversation interesting, because the whole thing came about because his daughter was a fan of theirs, which I just find kind of hilarious and random. Imagine how many people of notoriety and fame they meet or could potentially meet because those peoples' teenage children are fans.

2, I don't think they would actually get arrested for showing up at that mall at this point in their careers, anyway - most malls do not have the uumph to take shit like that truly seriously, and both S & C have made it public that they've been back in there since (one time right after the release of their book, Colby went into their Barnes and Noble with his mom and illegally signed a few of the books on the shelf and posted about it all over his instagram lol). But it is objectively kind of hilarious that they are "banned" from entering the mall and yet they've had consumer products in three of their stores (B&N, Hot Topic and Zumiez), and have had their faces on the store fronts of two of those three.

3, I strangely found that interesting as well, and I normally tend to zone right the fuck out when people talk religion (sorry, all). I was raised Catholic but am not religious these days in my own life, although I certainly do believe that something else has to be going on, hence all the ghosts and stuff. But for whatever reason, hearing others talk about religion always makes me feel wildly uncomfortable - I think it's just feeling like that's something personal and so different from person to person and I just don't like feeling like I'm intruding on their privacy by hearing it (even if they are offering it up freely), if that makes sense? I don't know, I'm just weird about those conversations in general.

But I find it interesting when these two talk religion, firstly because of the content they make and how it would tie back into their own personal belief system, but also just how interesting it is that this is one of those areas where they kind of balance each other on opposite sides of the scale, and yet somehow come together perfectly at the end. It's an interesting phenomenon with them.

Also, all of them talking about dying in their dreams and Colby just piping in with "I've never died in my dreams 😃" like go off, you sweet little just happy to be there king.

[idyllic-affections]

Okay so im back for a minute since i saw some stuff you had posted

1. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR IMBIBITOR LUNAE. IM SO GLAD HE ALSO CAME HOME FOR YOU. So about Bailu and the Vidyadhara in general, im going to try my best to generalise it and also not to accidently spoil anything so 1. They can reincarnate infinitely but at the cost of their own memories. So once they self reincarnate, they wont keep their old memories, although there are some exceptions for some vidyadhara but i wont elborate on that since that is something you’ll learn eventually. 2. They cannot have children, so if any vidyadhara dies, it is a big deal. 3. Yeah they are immortal in a way, they simply self reincarnate to continue their life albeit at the cost of their memories. 4. Bailu is an interesting case but im afraid if i talk more i might spoil you so just enjoy the story

Also about Luocha, well there isnt much information about him. All we know about him is that he seems to be blessed by Yaoshi and he looks eerily similar to a antagonist from Mihoyo’s other game, Honkai Impact 3rd. There is also one other piece of info i left out about him that we currently have but judging from where you are at the story, i dont wanna spoil it and want you to have the joy of witnessing it. The Xianzhou Luofu arc is honestly exposition arc for the overarching story of HSR so you will get much more lore about them (i think we will get to know more about the vidyadhara more in the future since there are still the other Xianzhou ships)

2. OMG the idea of an Ex fatui agent reader & wanderer would be an cute and excellent idea. Both of were victims of The Doctor and suffered immensely because of him. Even when they don’t seem like it, they have many similarities and with Nahida Therapy, i think both of them will eventually be their closest friend for each other because of their dark history with the doctor, they both understand each other because of that history. Also i cant help but imagine a very cute family with reader being the parent, Wanderer being a snarky older brother, while Collei is the baby of the family. They may be very traumatized but they will still kill anyone that hurts their little family :)

3. OOOOO PLATONIC HSR X READER THOUGHTS! Ok since im currently running a bit late rn, i will simply give one thought i have. Qingque and their workaholic older sibling, so we know Qingque is lazy as hell right? Why not give her an older sibling who is very strict and stern with her and would nag Qingque to stop being a slacker. I imagine this sibling to be an Amicassador for the Sky Faring Commision like Tingyun, so they would be out a lot, which let Qingque slack as much as possible but dw the reader had someone to keep an eye on her :)

That is all for now and i hope you have a good day/night!

- 🐱 Anon

HI 🐱 ANON HELLO <33 THANK YOU DEAR HE IS SOMETHING LIKE MY MAIN DPS NOW AND I ADORE HIM... HE CARRIES ME THROUGH JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING EVEN THOUGH HE'S 10 LEVELS LOWER THAN THE REST OF MY TEAM

i want to inject vidyadhara lore into my blood i am so fascinated by them....

I KNEW IT I KNEW THERE WERE DRAWBACKS that is so fascinating though and it makes so much sense because i imagine it being something like shedding an old shell. so much pain and angst potential there with that concept too. if the vidyadharas are aware of the fact that they will experience memory loss with new incarnations... hear me out: what if they had diaries and scrapbooks from previous incarnations because they knew they would forget and and RAAGRGEHGHWG i'm so (ab)normal about them sorry AND THEY CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN? that is so fascinating. i imagine by that you mean they can't pass on their vidyadhara lineage (or have children in general, but focusing on the idea that they can't pass down their lineage)... no wonder it would be a huge deal if/when one died then.

luocha could commit serious crimes and it would not change how i feel about him LMFAO bro is majestic? he gives off wine uncle vibes. comes around once a year and tells you things you aren't supposed to know and then leaves again to do god knows what. i am very much enjoying this arc. it's so... lore-heavy. and i love that. it is feeding my fanfic writer and oc creator brain.

AND YES YOU'RE SO RIGHT. [name] is collei's parent, in a way. the wanderer is simultaneously both [name]'s and collei's guard dog older brother... he is older than both of them, after all. all three of them are capable of committing serious crimes--the wanderer can and will commit a violent crime in defense of his little traumatized family, [name] can and will commit a violent crime in defense of their little traumatized family BUT would only do so if seriously needed, and collei could but won't.

OHHHHHHHH LAJSKWHAKSHJ QINGQUE WITH A WORKAHOLIC OLDER SIBLING....... HELP ME i love this dynamic. [name] always chiding her and bullying her (in the most affectionate way possible)... telling her she needs to work more. telling her to stop complaining about being "unreliable qingque" because she wouldn't be if she worked harder. but [name] also gives her credit and praise for when she does pull through! now hear me out--[name] who does not know how to relax. qingque having to actually teach them that there is more to life than work. BUT ALSO [NAME] SCOLDING THE HELL OUT OF HER IF AND WHEN THEY FIND OUT THAT SHE WAS SLACKING OFF IN THEIR ABSENCE AND JUST GOING "qingque." IN THE MOST EVIL SCARY TONE EVER WHEN THEY RETURN

[gayforjuza]

A3 Choose Your Own Adventure

Episode 8

(this episode ended up so much longer than I planned so if you dont like long chapters, im sorry but if you DO, then ur welcome)

"Well," you say, "guess I'll go with Azuma. Can't beat an oil diffuser!"

"What the heck! Foiled again..." Kazunari says, but despite his words he's smiling. Azuma smiles too and says he's honored.

You follow him to his room, where you meet Guy, who simply bows as he heads to the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. Azuma shows you what little there is to see in their small room, and offers to share his bed, but says if that's too much you can of course take one of the two loveseats as well. You decide to go with the loveseat since you don't know Azuma well enough to sleep in his bed. Azuma tells you to make yourself at home, then he follows Guy's lead and heads to the bathroom.

You have nothing to do in the bathroom since you have no belongings with you, so you just sit down and look around at the decorations in the room. The room has a pretty simple and mature feel to it, it's nice.

After a couple minutes of sitting around you hear someone knock on the door, so you get up to answer it. Behind the door you find Misumi, looking like he was just out in the rain. Probably some late night triangle hunting.

"Hey! I gotta show you something before the storm ends! Follow me follow me!" He runs off before you can say anything, so you follow him without thinking. He runs down to the main entrance, grabs an umbrella, and pulls you outside by your wrist. "It's this way!" he says, and then takes off running.

"Woah woah! Slow down! I can't run that fast, plus where are we even going?!" you ask, a bit panicked. He does slow down, but he's still running.

"It's a susprise!" is all he says as the two of you keep running to this unknown destination.

After another minute of running he turns off the sidewalk and you head towards the forest. He slows down to a brisk walk and tells you to be careful and watch for bumps or sticks on the ground. At this point the blood pumping in your ears quiets down enough for you to hear the thunder cracking in the sky above you. The lightning flashes look eerily beautiful as they filter through the tree branches overhead.

This path you're on is starting to seem a bit familiar, you do go on walks frequently so you've probably been here before.

Misumi turns a corner into a small clearing with a big pile of mossy rocks in the middle. As you get closer you realize the rocks are actually an old, slightly-crumbling statue of a gecko, covered in moss and dirt.

"Have you seen this before?" Misumi asks, "it's pretty triangular isnt it!"

"Uh,, It doesn't seem very familiar? Is this what you had to show me?"

"Yep! I cant bring this triangle home so I thought I'd bring you to the triangle instead! But look, it's missing the most triangular part :(" he points to the gecko's tail, or where the tail should be at least. "wonder where it went~ should we go back now? I bet Azuma is wondering where you went~" He runs away before you can say anything again, what a strange, strange guy.

Misumi is long gone by the time you get out of the clearing but somehow you remember your way back to the dorms, and lucking he left you with the umbrella. On your way back you take a little time to admire the beauty of the storm, looking up from under the umbrella at the lightning as it branches across the sky in front of you.

You get back to Azuma's room soon enough, he asks where you went and you explain your impromptu adventure with Misumi, which just earns you a chuckle from Azuma before he tucks into bed.

"Misumi seems to be scheming more than usual recently, wonder what he's up to. Well, goodnight~" Azuma says from his loft. Guy echoes his 'goodnight' and so do you.

You don't feel like you can really sleep now. So much has happened today that you've got a lot to think about.

[heeracha]

omg the og plot ?? now i want to know

i love when u hurt us :")

i just finished typing,,, this is so long im sorry

the part where hee and y/n are taking things slowly,, somehwere in the middle of it, hee was alone in his shared apartment with jay. aecha was there,, jaycha were supposed to go on a date but jay was a little late so aecha was waiting for him there. she was left alone there with hee. hee doesnt have anything to do bcs y/n is in her internship, yk? and jay had something as well so jay couldnt make it on the date. hee and aecha talk and accidentally as they keep talking, they were leaning towards each other until their lips touched. aecha pulls away, looking shock as she puts her hands over her mouth. hee pulls her hands off, cupping her cheeks and kissing her more to which aecha kisses back. but heeseung soon comes into his senses. he pulls away, turns away as he hides his face out of shame, he says its wrong. and aecha agrees, “but didnt you feel..?” “feel what?” “i dont know” “feel what, aecha?” heeseung says and aecha explains. “i may have been feeling something for you lately. i love jay, but sometimes i cant help but think what if you and i.” heeseung thought he would be happy, but he was far from happy. so he says “im sorry, this is a big mistake.” and aecha goes “there are mistakes that are still done.” and hee goes, “not this. a year ago i would have folded, but i dont feel the same anymore.” and aecha just saltily asks, “what, you love the florist? it hasnt been that long since you know her.” and hee just goes “yes. i love her and it doesnt matter how long we know each other. you only want me bcs jay isnt here lately.” and heeseung leaves aecha, locks himself in his room to go talk to you and his heart was aching so bad bcs you were all giggly, calling him seungie and he could feel how much you love him, but here he was the relationship hasnt started yet, but he already fucked up. so the next day, you and hee were together and hee was sad so you confront him, whats wrong and he confesses that he kissed aecha the night before. and yk you have that “oh” moment. “flower, i understand if you want to—“ “heeseung, it’s fine. we’re not officially together yet, right?” you say and heeseung could hear the hurt in your voice but he lets it go. so he subtly makes it up to you, yk? skip to the fight, let’s scratch “what the hell are we doing if you dont trust me.” we go with, “you crying over her? i can take that. you kissing her? fine. but you fucking ditching me to go to her after you told me you love me? no. fuck you.” that’s what y/n says and heeseung kneels, hugging y/n by the waist and just crying, he explains more “y/n, flower, i swear. its a misunderstanding. i pushed her away, i promise. i don’t love her.” and you shake your head. “i know i said it was fine, heeseung, but i can’t. i cant bear to see you with her. everytime you do something, i cant help but think of you kissing her.” and heeseung just apologizes again and again. “let go.” “im sorry please.” “heeseung, let go.” “please, y/n. dont leave—“ “im leaving after graduation, heeseung.” and heeseung freezes, just looking up at you. “is that what you’re going to tell me tonight?” he asks and you nod. heeseung and y/n go crash in heeseung’s place, holding each other and crying (mainly heeseung). morning comes, you wake up and place a kiss on heeseung’s forehead. deciding to leave, take an early flight and not attend graduation anymore, yk? im horrible. im a horrible human being i know.

[spilledstrawberriestheblog]

Diary No.19

Hii it's hard to wrote diary entries on weekends becuz I'm always with my sister.

I had a dream that I somehow told [🐈‍⬛️] that I liked someone but not pursuing it becuz of reasons. [🐕] and his friends plus my old crush from like 6 years ago showed up and [🐈‍⬛️] started chasing him around i think they stole his phone or something im not sure and it supposedly started a while becuz at the end of it [🐈‍⬛️] said "if he had time to run around like this all day and not stop to pray then hes probably not as religious as you think".

i dunno it was a weird dream and yeah.

i dunno this is all so weird i dunno how to feel.

Last night [❤️] sent me a message, a really long one. They wanted to talk to me about how theyve been feeling latley.. it was about their crush on [🧟‍♀️].

Aparently [🧟‍♀️] has confessed to someone and [❤️] thinks it might be [🐈‍⬛️] becuase when [❤️] asked [🐈‍⬛️] if they had a crush on anyone they said they think someone in art class has a crush on them (which we are assuming is [🧟‍♀️]).

It was really stressful to sit through the texts becuase it brought up a lot of memories from when i had a crush on [❤️] and how heartbroken i felt when i found out it wasnt mutual. I didnt want to make it about me ofc so i tried my best to support [❤️] and make them feel better. It just hurt a lot becuase they push themselves down so much and kept saying that no one will ever love them. Like what was my confession for? did that mean nothing to them? i know its not about me right now but was that no sort of validation for them?? i dont know it just made me feel sick, invisible and my body wouldnt stop shaking the whole time. I also found a giant spider in my dormroom so the whole time i just felt really uncomftorble, unsafe and sad.

Its been a shitty weekend. Im so tired and i cant relax becuz of history/literature homework and i had to go shopping yesterday which took all day.

And my friends dont seem to be feeling well so everything just feels like a big pit of despair. I dont have the mental energy to be a therapist and look after everyone and myself. I can barely get myself to shower, dress up, keep my room tidy or do anything that makes me happy. I feel like a robot and its hard to keep up everything feels so fast yet the weeks feel so long.

Im scared that its already late sunday and i havent felt rested at all and the new week is about to start. It feels scary. Im scared i cant help those around me and i dont want to be alone.

I just feel so sad, i dont feel safe anywhere. I found another big spider in my room this morning and had to spray it again but it hid so i dunno if it worked and my room just smells awful again becuz of the spray and i hate it its so overwhelming. And my homework is so hard to read and process even though its not complicated at all so i just feel stupid.

Oh yeah i had a dream a few days ago where [❤️] sent me a long message venting but i didnt respond and when i woke up fr it was so confusing and i panicked becuase i thought i left them on read, it wasnt real tho.

sorry for such a heavy entry its been a lot. aaaaaa T.T

I just want to read romance manga to forget how lonely i feel and indulge in my stories so i dont have to think of anything. Just drown my brain with stuff that isnt real.

At the same time i feel like none of my feelings are real and im probably just being stupid and making stuff up. I probably only want a partner to feel validation in my existance. I feel sick writing this i cant goodbye ill write later i guess bleugh

[universeble]

I never post anything here but I have to write this down somewhere and I dont think it fits in any other social media. Woke up with severe sorrow, confusion and yierning for a person that isnt real due to a dream like no other I've ever had. In it I got into a bad fight with my brother late at night, afterwards I just left and started walking around the streets late at night by myself while bleeding from the fight. I went into what I think was some kind of queer bar. Inside I started looking at myself in the mirror and while messing with my hair I kinda got it to look like a very feminine hairstyle (sort of like a bob cut). I kind of liked it and I saw that there they had like clothes you could borrow. I picked out some girly clothing and put it on to go alongside the hairstyle and I went deeper into the bar (like the actual bar with the drinks and stuff). As per usual I took a seat near the walls while I saw the other people there, there were also other "feminine-dressed AMAB" people there so I didnt feel too weird. Including that I saw a person sitting close by and I decided to just talk to them. I told them about how I just randomly decided to go into this place and dress like this and dont know why im doing this, they kind of joked asking me if im really a boy. After a bit of talking I asked them about why they were there and if they were also 'really a boy' since they were actually very feminine looking with pretty clothes, hair all nice and very well done makeup. Surprisingly they said they were a guy but in a bit of a sad tone like they werent being honest. The mood kind of got a bit gloomy so I invited them to dance since it was playing a bit of a slow smooth jazz. No one was really dancing, so it was just the 2 of us there. I wanted to make them feel like a real girl so I tried to reflect that when dancing together. The songs started picking up and getting more lively while we danced and laughed, other people saw us and also started dancing too. They tried hyping me up telling me to show them dance moves despite me being a bad dancer. We all then spent hours enjoying the atmosfere, dancing, chatting and laughing. At some point the sun rose and the bar was gonna close so we had to leave. I then had to return the clothes I borrowed and put on my regular clothes, I was sad because I didnt want to leave but I saw everyone was still hanging out outside the bar now that it was daytime. I saw that person I was chatting outside and I really wanted to go there as fast as possible so I was trying to put my shoes on and struggling due to doing it too fast. In that moment I woke up, with the yierning to see that person that I just made up in my head. Genuinely spent a half hour laying in bed thinking about that dream. I actually felt sad while realizing it wasnt real, it feels like that person died because they were never real. I thought I'd forget all this but it's 12 hours later and I still remember the whole dream. I'll probably delete this later, but I just had to write it down.