#just some classic self therapy that I hope helps others

[tessathepeanut]

I feel like people, including myself, get caught up in a fearful haze of lies on the internet. I may mess up sometimes and contribute to the lies, but I forget I have a choice to turn away or take a moment to gather logic so it makes sense. It's messy, but we always have a chance to clean up our mess. It is important to be aware of certain things, yes, but there's so much fear mongering on here that we won't know what is lying and what is truth. Take a break, please.

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

So I'm sure you've noticed I've been stalking ur blog lol

When I saw this post it actually kinda resonated with me.

https://www.tumblr.com/gabrielsbubblegumbitch/747324251353300992/i-saw-so-many-alastor-ruined-vox-takes-but-how?source=share

I'm Asexual aromatic but Flirting, touching, and other things that can be taken as romantic are purely natural to me. For me it's never serious just another way for me to show interest and have fun with friends. This has actually lead to issues with a few friends in the past. Unknowingly my blind ass would have people genuinely romantically and sexually interested in me and I wouldn't know. It honestly does feel confusing, and in the strangest way violating when you find out. (Can't think of a better word than violating but I don't think that quite gets the feeling across.)

With the way you phrased it actually made me more understanding of how Alastor can just push Vox away, and resonated with me lol.

Put in the same situation I would likely do the same. I'm not just going to change how I talk or act around this person because they have feelings for me, but I can't ignore/forget that they do.

Unlike Alastor though I am a people pleaser so I did try to enter into those relationships and I safely say it would've ended up so much worse for both Vox and Alastor.

Acting flirtatious/romantic is so very different than actually being interested.

At first you follow the classical steps of romance, dates, flowers, I love yous, you do that with friends too, but physically touch suddenly becomes more uncomfortable. Which could explain why Alastor has a "I touch you, you don't touch me" policy, unless your Nifty/Rosie of course!

Everything that person who 'loves' you does however begins to feel annoying, suffocating.

Alastor feeling claustrophobic, uncomfortable, and confused suddenly because this person who was a good friend suddenly wants to get together would instantly push him away. FORCE Alastor either looks at his own actions or views Vox as some perverse person. Therefore any ideas he might have like new technology come from a perverted place.

Obviously I'm not saying that Vox being interested in Alastor from a romantic angle is automatically perverse or wrong but with how much he values his autonomy it definitely feels weird for someone to WANT to be tied down.

I have a lot of thoughts but it is late so I'm just rambling and have way too many thoughts! I do hope you could more or less make sense of this mess! Thank you!

I'm sorry it took me ages to reply but unfortunately I'm mentally ill and for the las few weeks, putting together a coherent response was too demanding :c But I don't like leaving asks unanswered.

I could make sense of this rambling! Actually it's more or less what I had in mind while writing the original post. I'm autistic so I often miss the fact that people are attracted to me + sometimes things have different meanings for me than for most of people (e.g. lately I said something that made someone think that I want to be romantically involved with them, they rejected me, things got extremely weird and I did my best to explain to them my true feelings but I'm still anxious that they might think that I lied to save face) and I'm aromantic. So I get what you mean with that unreasonable feeling of being violated. It is completely unjustified and I hate feeling that way because I recognize it as utterly unfair toward the other person, who is not hurting me in any way but I can't help it.

So, I can imagine that Alastor - who hasn't been though years of therapy and may not be the most self aware and emotionally open person - could feel very bad with Vox's feelings. Especially when Vox is not above manipulation and gaslightning, and probably doesn't take rejection well so thing could get nasty pretty quickly.

[juice-boxy]

PERSONAL TMNT DESIGNS!!

Click images for better quality!!<3

Basic info under the cut

Leo: the oldest, and a very big dork. Tries his best to be serious and responsible, and live up to Splinter’s expectations…but sometimes a kid just needs to read comics and cosplay his favourite hero from ‘Satellite Strike’. He loves encouraging and supporting his brothers (when they’re not being a pain in the shell).

Mikey: youngest, tied with Donnie. Super energetic and quite the goofball, but he’s always there for his brothers when he needs to be. Super creative and the life of the party, he encourages the others to let loose and have fun. Doesn’t like being alone, worries he’s being annoying a lot.

Donnie: also youngest tied with Mikey. Full of anxiety, but can be very mischievous and feral when he wants to be (Mikey typically encourages this.) extremely smart, but typically downplays his abilities.

Raph: second oldest. I based him around ‘87 Raph, so he’s less violent and more snarky/rude when he’s angry- he’s a big softy even if he wouldn’t admit it, being very protective of his brothers, especially Donnie.

Donnie and Mikey are non-identical twins! Having said that Donnie and Raph are SUPER close to eachother- the two of them were both captured by kraang when they were younger for experimentation. Raph got his scars from saving Donnie- and Donnie wears overalls now to hide his mostly damaged Plastron, thanks to some not-very-ethical surgeries.

Leo and Raph don’t butt heads as often as some of their other versions, but when they do it gets very heated very quickly.

In the earlier days, Splinter had higher, harsher expectations for them, Leo specifically, as he was the oldest. Splinter has only mutated recently, and wasn’t in a good place. He figured the best thing to do was train them as quick as he could, to protect themselves. He was often distant and harsh. Leo began to struggle with his self image, and isolated himself from his brothers, which caused the dynamic to grow tense and uncomfortable. Mikey suffered from this a lot, and still has attachment issues to this day.

As they got older Splinter realized what he was doing and who he was hurting, and him and the turtles worked on fixing their relationship. (Splinter takes online therapy every Wednesday, under a fake account that Donnie helped set up.)

Later on in this story (like- nearish future) Leo gains the Classic Knee Injury TM and it doesn’t heal properly, so he has to learn to fight differently, and to rely on his brothers for help every now and then. (But he’s still the most skilled ninja master around fr)

OKAY THAT WAS ALOT OF TALKING HOPE U LIKE IT BYEE<33

[polizwrites]

PoliZ’s WIP Update -   4 Sep 2024

A slower writing week - had a busy long weekend!  I touched five fics (4 new & 2 WIPs)  for a total  of  1678   words.   

On Ao3, I posted: 

  Chapter Two of Love is Like a Muscle (and you make me want to flex). WinterIron massage therapy turned sexytimes.    

On Tumblr I posted: 

Misleading Information - WinterIron double drabble fluff. 

A Sweet Favor - WinterIron fluffy ficlet.     

I’m juggling  20+  active/semi-active WIPs with my current  deadline being the new WinterIron Gets It Done server bingo event  which runs til the end of September.  

See  below cut for what I’m working on/planning to work on - arranged more or less by bingos/challenges/etc.  As always, feel free to send me   prompts or plot bunnies as well as asks regarding  any of these projects  or any other WIPs I’ve got out there.   Interaction really helps feed the Muse and keep me motivated!

Hot Bucky Summer 2024 [HBS_R2] (Ends 31 Aug)

Finished this fun challenge from the  @buckybarnesevents folks  by completing all thirteen weekly challenges to create (usually NSFW) Bucky-centric fanworks!  Masterpost 

* Week 13 (August 24th - 30th) -  FREE WEEK + Optional Prompts: Mutual Masturbation  –  Posted Chapter Two of Love is Like a Muscle (and you make me want to flex)  It came in at 1024 words and crossed over with my TSTOT Row 3: Lab Sex and  WIB N2 - Mutual Pining  squares.  

Tony Stark This or That  [TSTOT_24] (Ends 31 Aug 2024)

I signed up late and then promptly forgot I had a card - so was happy to get four of the eight prompt choices done  - I’ll be making a masterpost later this week. 

* Row 3: Lab Sex - see HBS Week 13 above

WinterIron Gets It Done Bingo [WIGID] (Ends 30 Sep 2024)

This new WinterIron Discord server event runs through the month of September and is a flash bingo where you choose one or more  five-square bingo strips to complete.  I’m targeting to get at least two strips done for a blackout - with a stretch goal of three - I’ve currently got 3 fills across two strips. 

* Engagement_1 -  Post a Prompt:   I shared the following dialogue prompt  “Halfway to hell is still not a recommended destination” (Picard TV series) – I’d love to see what any of y’all do with it, WinterIron flavored or not!   

* Classic_3 - Only in New York - Wrote up a double drabble to cross over with the BaBB September:  Mission Gone Wrong prompt, where Tony brings his tinkering skills to the kitchen - with less success than he’d hoped.  Misleading Information came in at 200 words and posted this morning.  

* Classic_4 -  “This is Avengers business, ma’am.”   Posted A Sweet Favor  yesterday to Tumblr - Tony goes the distance to bring his boyfriend a fondly-remembered treat. It came in at 320 words. 

Build-A-Bucky Bingo [BaBB_R1] (Ends 31 Oct 2024)

Another fun year-long  event from the folks at  @buckybarnesevents!  Each month there’s a list of prompts and you choose (at least) one  each month for your card!  At thirty-three  fills and two months to go, I seem to be going a bit overboard …. 😁

* May:  Bucky’s Trigger Words -  combined this with a previous  Flash Fiction Friday prompt [#FFF251 Out There] for Just To Live One Day Out There - a Winter Soldier self-reflective ficlet. It came in at 312 words and will get posted to Ao3 Real Soon. 

* September: First Meeting - filling this with the upcoming Chapter Nine of  A Sugar-Coated Pill  where Bucky gets to meet Obadiah Stane.  Needless to say, he doesn’t get along with the older alpha.  I’ve got 307 chapters written and am targeting publishing by the end of the month.

* September:  Mission Gone Wrong - see WinterIron Gets It Done Bingo - Classic - 4:  Only in New York prompt above. 

Flufftober 2024  [FlfT_24] (Runs 1-31 Oct)

This writing challenge hosted by @flufftober  runs for the month of October, but the prompt list has already been published, so you can get a jump start!  My goal is to write one fic a week that incorporates these prompts - here’s some possible crossovers - if there’s one that sounds really good - let me know! 

* 1. Lost Pet Meet Cute - crossover with  BBB C2 - Bonded animal?

* 5. Acorn, Chestnut, Pine Cone - crossover with TSB R2 - I love you 3000 or  R3 - AU: adventurers/explorers  for some Daddy & Morgan fluff? 

* 10. Bet, Game, Contest - crossover with BBB U5 - Secret Admirer?

* 11. Ingredients & Spells - crossover with TSB S3 - KINK: Aphrodisiacs? 

* 18. Bewitched - crossover with BBB B1 - Magic? 

* 22 - Heirloom - crossover with WIB G2 - Edwin Jarvis &  TSB T2 - Wedding -  A tie tack or cuff links that Tony gifts to Bucky as his ‘something old’? 

* 30. “Forever?” - this feels like a good match for WIB N4 - A/B/O: Mates  maybe the prequel to the wedding fic mentioned above? 

Whumptober 2024 [WmpT_24] (Runs 1-31 Oct)

This writing challenge hosted by @whumptpber  runs for the month of October, but the prompt list has already been published, so you can get a jump start!  My goal is to write two fics (whump isn’t normally my bag)   that incorporates these prompts - need to  explore more potential crossovers. 

* No. 2: TRUST ISSUES - Amusement Park | Role Reversal | “You got away with the crime while the knife’s in my back.”  – crossover with WIB  N5 - "I'm here for you."  and possibly pJBB - C2_B2 - Being there for someone after a traumatic event

WinterIron Bingo 2  [WIB_R2] (Ends 16 Dec 2024)

Signups are still open for pre-made cards for Round Two of this super-fun bingo event! I have seventeen  fills and zero WIPs at the moment - setting this aside for the moment, as I have other time-sensitive events going.  

* Iron Soldier (One Bingo, One Fill) - looking at combining my Column B prompts: Matchmaker, Bucky Riding Tony, Stark Gala, Inside Joke and Threesome.  Still working on a plot - if you have any suggestions/want-to-sees - let me know! 

* I3 - Car Sex -  Have a fun ficlet in mind for this - some of the dialogue & such already worked out in my head.  

* N1 - Hair Pulling Kink -  thanks to a fun prompt from @scottxlogan  - I filled this square with Untangling Their Attraction - where Tony’s offer of assistance leads to mutual kink discovery (not as racy as it might sound).  It’s coming in at 544 words and will post to Ao3 before this event is over. 

* N2 - Mutual Pining - see HBS Week 13 above. 

* N5 - "I'm here for you."  - Possibly the next chapter of  Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion ?  

* O3 - Love Confession - Circling back around to Chapter Seven of  A Little Bit Carried Away - where Pepper learns about the impulsive offer Tony made to Bucky after they spent the night together.   It’s drafted at  1029 words and will cross over with TSB K3 - Pepper Potts and my pJBB C1_A1 - "Promise me you won't get mad."  prompt.  Slated to post on 9 Sep. 

Bucky Barnes Bingo - Round Six [BBB - R6]  (Ends 31 Mar)

This amazing bingo event from the folks over at @buckybarnesbingo is back!  I have thirteen  fills with one WIP at the moment, but a couple  more crossovers planned. 

* K4 - Last Times/Farewells - combined this with a previous  Flash Fiction Friday prompt [#FFF257 Count The Days ] for  Short-Timing It - a pre-war (just barely) Bucky & Steve (Stucky if you squint) ficlet. It came in at 313 words and will post to Ao3 before the event is over.   

Tony Stark Bingo - Mark VIII [TSB_R8]  (Ends 31 May)

This amazing bingo event from the folks over at @tonystarkbingo is back! Late signups will start next month if you want to join in on the fun!  I have  five  squares filled and three WIPs - I need to plan out more crossovers! 

* T1 - Watching Helplessly -  Posted Stranded Among the Stars  to Tumblr on Friday as a crossover with the Flash Fiction Friday prompt [#FFF265 Galaxies Away]. It’s a Nebula & Tony ficlet set on the ship - it came in at 345 words and will get posted to Ao3 before the event ends. 

* A5 - excessive - Used this towards the August Tony Stark Round Robin collaborative fic - Tony throws Bruce a birthday party and shenanigans ensure.  I’ll share the link once it gets posted. 

* R4 - Bartender - Got inspired by another song to start Some Other Beginning’s End - Tony’s a bartender dealing with an a-hole patron (Brock) and his just-broken-up-with boyfriend (Bucky).  It’s sitting at 1028  words and I plan to cross over with my  pJBB  C2_A2 - "You deserve someone who makes you happy."  square. I may try to squish a few other squares in before I’m done. 

* K3 - Pepper Potts -  see WIB O3 - Love Confession above

Hawkeyes Bingo [HB_R2] (Ends TBD) 

Working on this  Tumblr event - got a 3x3 card and am looking forward to creating more  Clint-centric content and trying my hand at a bit of  Kate Bishop fic as well!    

* A3 - Awkward Flirting – this might be a good entry into my first femslash fic with Kate/Yelena?    

* C1 - Magic -  Combined this with a previous Flash Fiction Friday prompt  [#FFF259 House of Cards]   for   Keep a Steady Hand.  Clint notices Bucky getting frustrated with a task and offers to help.  It came in at 632 words and will post to Ao3 possibly later this month.   

Post July Break Bingo 2024  [pJBB_24] (Ends 30 Jun 2025)

As I mentioned above, I requested two 2x3 cards for this  Discord-server only event from @julybreakbingo  – so if you want to join in the fun, let me know and I’ll try to get you an invite!  I have one fic posted & two WIPS  and need to figure out some more crossovers. 

* C1_A1 - "Promise me you won't get mad." - see WIB * O3 - Love Confession

* C2_A2 - "You deserve someone who makes you happy."  -  see TSB R4 - Bartender.  

* C2_B1 - Courting/courted in a different way than they're familiar with -  posted A Symbol of Devotion on Tumblr as a crossover with the Flash Fiction Friday prompt [#FFF267 Gifted Violets] - a bit of Stony fluff with Tony  buying Steve little things for his apartment.   It came in at 374 words and will get posted to Ao3 before this event is over. 

Warm and Fluffy   Bingo  [WFB]   (no end date)

Eight fills on my card, courtesy of   @warmandfluffybingocards  - need to try for another crossover or two!

* I2 - Vulnerable Drunk - matched this up with a previous Flash Fiction Friday prompt of [#FFF258 Milky Way Dreams]  for Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines -  a MIT-era Tony & Rhodey ficlet, where a drunk Tony shares a childhood dream with his best friend.  It came in at 318 words and will get posted to Ao3 at some point.   

————

On  other creative fronts:  I am working on a Dizzy the Vulture  plush figure for a commission.       

If  you’re looking for one of a kind gifts for birthdays or other celebrations, check  out Stuffed With Character    over on Facebook for a full list of my designs (now over 150!).   These soft stuffed figures are  mostly Marvel and monsters, but I have some Star Wars, Star Trek, DC   and Disney figures as well. Plus I love to take custom design   requests  for any fandom!

[menheraprince]

My Life With Bipolar Disorder as Lifestyle Jirai

Hi there. My name is Amy, I go by they/them, I'm 22, I like to wear Jirai Kei (mainly Subcul), and I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder back in March. I was diagnosed with autism and an anxiety disorder when I was really young, I've been hospitalized twice for depressive episodes, I'm a self-h*rmer struggling to recover, and I'm healing from a lot of trauma done to me by my sperm donor. I also struggle with my body image, but I don't have an ED. Some of the stuff I'm proud of, some of them not. What I do know is that I'm just a blob with intense emotions and I can't control them.

I've always been open about my struggles with mental health. But in return, I've had a lot of people on Facebook telling me natsy phrases and words towards me. Like that I'm too much, that I need to go to therapy, that I'm "obsessed". I've also been called a lot of names like succubus, blister, toxic, manipulative, and even the R slur. There's was even one older guy who harassed me for months through email who thinks that I should go to ABA (which you should never wish onto an openly autistic person) and should "act more mature for my age" because I told him how toxic he was to me. He also tried to gaslight me by taking my mom's email towards him against me, saying that she praised him when it wasn't at him directly. Good news is that he has stopped sending me emails and life can get back to normal (for me) again.

How this all relates to Jirai Kei is that I personally identify as a Lifestyle Jirai, mainly due to my issues with my mental health. However, I don't want people to get the wrong idea about what I wear and what I struggle with. I didn't come into the lifestyle because I was mentally ill, it certainly helps with the label but that's not the reason. I really liked the clothing and the makeup that went with it. I was told by a few people who are against the name "Jirai Kei" that they thought I'd be perpetuating a negative stereotype of Japanese women, when I have a mental illness myself. Which is really funny in retrospect because these people thought they can control what I wear. I like to call these sorts of people, the "girly kei police", who think that all of Jirai Kei is Girly fashion (usually the kei prefix that really didn't exist for the fashion) and ignores the Subcul Jirai and Tenshi Kaiwai movements.

Speaking of which, I like to wear Subcul. I'd describe it as a mix of Goth Punk and Menhera. However, it's not commonly seen as a "jirai kei" fashion style in the west (mainly from the GKP), but it's currently popular in Japan. I hope to see other Subcul wearers on the internet because there's more to Jirai Kei than the classic look of pink and black. I like to wear a lot of purple, blue and black in my looks especially with teddy bear t-shirts and oversized hoodies. I currently own pieces from Amilige, Noemie, and Sureve in terms of Subcul stuff, but I'm looking to add more brands like Travas Tokyo if I can. I also own a purple DearMyLoveWhip dress and a Sureve dress for some Girly looks, which I wish to get more of too as I'm plus sized.

[dcmwells]

[ joseph quinn, cis male, he/him ] — whoa! DOMINIC “DOM” WELLS just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for FOUR YEARS, working as a MECHANIC AT ONE STOP. that can’t be easy, especially at only 30 YEARS OLD. some people say they can be a little bit CRUDE and SARCASTIC  , but I know them to be CLEVER and CREATIVE. whatever. I guess I’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to QUEENS! — (rae, 26, mnt, she/they, n/a)

IN A NUTSHELL: cult classic horror films, a lopsided shit eating grin, grease stained hands, exaggerated gestures, a loud bark of laughter, wasted potential, flipping off the camera and biting comebacks

tw: substance abuse mention, implications of childhood neglect/abuse

has been in new york for 4 years now working at one stop as a mechanic in queens….still not necessarily sure on why or what brought him here bc he’s still fairly new-ish but hey we get to learn together!!

doesn’t know how to sit still for longer than a few seconds unfortunately, catch him always drumming pens or pencils or smth over the table and bouncing his leg bc he CANNOT HELP IT (ig all my men have this idk) he says he’s like a shark…i say he says that cus he’s annoying

is a little fucking shit who teases too much, is SO sarcastic and has zero filter, any single thought he has you WILL be hearing it, he doesn’t care

too impulsive for his own good and likes to keep others on their toes, and that includes himself, gets bored very easily

was a bit ostracized as a kid for some of his interests and quirks and now he wears a hard shell exterior and parades around with a wide smirk on his lips, acting like he doesn’t give a single fuck to keep others from doing exactly that all over again, is actually kind of a dork under the facade so consider your muse lucky if they ever get to witness that bc he has got TRUST ISSUESSSS

BLARES his music loudly in the garage and WILL pretend he can’t hear you, saying “what” 4 times just to hear you tell him yourself to turn it down, i hate him and i’m surprised he hasn’t been fired yet

he also is just really lazy when it comes to things he doesn’t wanna do so he really just…does what he wants

smokes weed, cigs, may be a borderline alcoholic all of that, raise ur hand if ur surprised

is actually very creative and smart but doesn’t think it, has designed all his own tattoos, can learn a whole song on guitar by ear by a month, and actually does know quite a lot about cars…but is he doing ANYTHING with this kind of potential? no.

miss him with romance in any way shape or form, he’s down to mess around (is pansexual and panromantic) but is too ahem insecure to think anyone would actually want anything to do with him for MORE than that

is very self deprecating but he acts untouchable to the world, im still trying to figure out his home life but it feels like he’s kind of been in survival mode for most of his tween years to now, the facade he puts up is a coping mechanism…so is being the most obnoxious person in the room ig

i just need him to accept love from other dammit…wc someone take him to therapy fcsgcs

i think it’s very clear i’ve lightly based him off of eddie munson (forgive me for i was not immune to the boy) and also hyde from that 70s show a lil

he’s just my annoying ass enabler who’s lowkey sad and kind of a whore ok pls love us

[ijustkindalikebooks]

Ahh what a weird month this has been here in the UK, there's an election going on, it's raining in the middle of Summer and people are complaining it's too hot but then adding 'I know we always complain it's too cold' so apparently British people are becoming self-aware. First the weather, hopefully next it's colonialism. Baby steps, I guess.

This month I read 28 books, including five classics, 11 mangas and five of those were five star books, but 3 of them were from the same series so I will put those together. A few of these books are already on my blog so I will link the reviews up that I have written about them on here already. I hope you're having a wonderful summer, or if you're on the other side of the hemisphere, winter.

Here are my favourite books!

I Want To Die, But I Still Want To Eat Tteokkbokki - Baek Sahee - The first book is one of my favourite books of all time, it made me come to conclusions about myself that made me a better person and though this book covers different areas that are less influential on my psyche, this book is not any less perfect to me. The diary of a woman going through therapy and sharing her insights from it, is a simple premise but an excellent one and makes for some thoughtful reading. An interesting and often funny self help book that makes for such insightful and purposeful reading.

The Apothecary Diaries by Nekokurage - Honestly any volume of this is good. Every volume has had at least four stars from me and two of the volumes I read this month have been five stars. The story of Maomao who lives in the court of Imperial China solving mysteries at the behest and frustration of Jinshi, her master, contract buyer, boss? I'm not exactly sure honestly, this series is funny, charming and gripping when it really comes together and it makes for quick and brilliant reading.

Lula Dean's Little Library Of Banned Books by Kirsten Miller - I posted this review last week and it really is still living in my brain rent free. Lula Dean is trying to ban books in her local area, so she creates a little library of books she considers 'morally good' leading to Lindsey, the daughter of Beverley, whose on the school board with Lula to start swapping books from the little library for books she wouldn't approve of leading to positive change for those who live in their town. It's just so good, the characters have such a great dynamic in these pages, and has heartwarming moments that may give you a ray of hope for humanity, even if they are characters.

What have you been reading this month? Are you cosying up? Or are you beach reading? I always love a question or a comment!

Thanks for reading!

Vee xo

[okami-zero]

Okami Watches G-Witch

KILL THE BENE-GESSERIT BITCHES!

(Spoilers below cut, Episode 23)

SO. Thank you, G-Witch for subverting some of my expectations based on older Gundam shows and tropes. I was fully expecting fratricide of some sort (accidental/intentional near the end there), because in other series (not just Gundam), the thing that snaps a normally good character out of their red-eyed, self-destructive vengeance spree is either they come to a realization just before they destruct, or they kill someone they are fighting who refuses to fight back, due to some connection. And I was sitting here, absolutely flabbergasted and thinking "Fuck fuck fuck Guel what the fuck-" and THEN.

Not so divine intervention. x3

I will give Felsi and Petra so many kudos for being so damn spunky and stubborn and pretty much two of the only people who can deal with the apparent Jeturk bullshit without issue. I actually thought Felsi was gonna jump in-between them (another trope of the third party intervention, that still ties into the previous one), but no. She went one better than that, and stopped the bullshit from happening (now go get some damn therapy, both of you!).

That's actually an aspect about G-Witch that has been pretty neat, is how we have this absolutely huge supporting cast, and yet, a lot of them are getting moments here at the climax of the whole shebang. I love that.

Okay, and Suletta's argument with her sister was interesting, and I may have to watch again because it was in the midst of a damn dogfight. But the Bits thinking that Eri wouldn't kill anyone (where here she is clearly edging toward the realization that she will probably have to kill her sister to stop her) and their eerily chirpy, happy response that their MOM will do it for them. While using Aerial, and the Bits. Which is, y'know... very "Gendo turning on Unit-1's Dummy Plug to override Shinji not willing to kill another pilot in that berserk EVA, and then Unit-01 nearly doing so" here. Paraphrasing Shinj, she will kill anyone who gets in her way, and will use Aerial (Eri's hands, essentially) to do it.

And THEN.

THEN.

Those Bene-Gesserit hags! (Note: I am aware they are not of the weird religion thing from Dune, but when I saw them and their absolutely creepy overly-Botoxed, always smiling faces and garb, that was the first word that jumps to mind.)

They and Elan-Prime went behind their own fucking Group to seal a deal to wipe out AN ENTIRE. LAGRANGE. SECTOR. To seal their own fucking skins. And we see this series Novantic Cannon/Space Fortress Barge/Space Battleship Libra. It's like the over-'roided big brother of Gundam X's lunar microwave cannon. But bigger. Like, holy SHIT.

And Eri put herself, the Bits and the Gundvolva still remaining in its path to keep Quiet Zero and everyone in/around it from being obliterated. Now, she might have only been thinking of her family, but - the classic sacrificing protagonist smile thrown Suletta's way... guess we'll see how things boil down, but not looking good for Eri. Let's hope the L1 death ray "power transmission laser" has a flaw like Libra's.

And Elan-4. Damn, this guy is just... hopefully doesn't die. T_T Because I have actually started to like him, he's saved everyone's bacon. Maybe it's because he's free of the constraint of the Bene-Gesserit taskmasters, so... Wait... could "Benerit" be a portmanteau of "Bene-Gesserit"...?? O.o It would make fucking sense! To me, anyway, I might be the only one who has that weird mental connection... >.>

AND! On the subject of Elan-4 and his peerless markmanship. I didn't think a headshot on Propsera would kill her, that brain bucket is FAR too thick. BUT! that revealed something else interesting - Prospera's Permet link wasn't in her helmet, it's in her HEAD. This makes sense, since she would need to be able to communicate with Eri outside of the cockpit, but I was like, "Holy shit!" Maybe the helmet also helps insulate her from the data storm?

BUT. The BIGGEST QUESTION.

WHO INTERFERED WITH QUIET ZERO?

When Eri was about to casually wipe out Suletta's friends, there was (stated a few moments later) "data interference". Eri actually was speaking to someone else for a moment, asking them why they stopped her, complaining that all their wishes could come true.

...who else is in the Data Storm?

[rainbowvolt]

I tried this once already but out of nowhere I got attacked by the overwhelming notion that my antics are pointless and that the world around me is crumbling and so I deleted the entire message and took some time to journal out my feelings in the classic rambling poetry style that I have perfected over the years. It didn't make me feel better nor did it provide any fresh prospective but I'm feeling better today so I came to the conclusion that if nothing matters then I'm going to go back to inviting just a little bit of chaos into the everyday lives of people I have never met just because at least im having fun that way. That being said, what the fuck is up gamer? I put on some sublime to write this one to bit now amazon music is playing beck (loser) but I actually really like that song so I'll allow it. Anyway I was on hinge the other day, because just like you I am chronically single, and unlike you I do care because being alone with my thoughts for too long drives me insane and to do shit like this for fun. So I'm swiping and I'm complimenting I mean just imagine me turning on the God damn charm, and I match with this one girl who I think is attractive and we're chatting it up and suddenly bam, no reason at all, I lose all interest. I just felt like it was pointless to even keep talking to her my heart just wasn't in it so I did, I stopped. I probably still could hit her up if I wanted but the truth is it's just a lot of work, relationships that is, and I don't think I have the time to dedicate someone that I want to be able to dedicate. It's weird. Life. Love. Happiness. I try to remind myself that happiness, at least the way that we see in happily ever after movies and books, doesn't really exist. The best you I can ever hope for is to be content. And I'm not sure if that's true or if that's pure unfiltered copium that I'm doling out to myself on a strict rationing schedule so I can make it through the throes of years long depressive episodes. I've considered therapy but whats a therapist going to tell me? Oh you're unhappy for literally no reason, just take these pills? I've done that ya know, the pills didn't make me happy they just made me numb to the world around me and incapable of emotions. Plus my job would kick me out onto the streets if I sought out help, I already got a waiver for it the one time and if I get back on them I'm afraid it'll be game over for my career. So I guess I'm kinda screwing the pooch here. It's always like that, coin tosses and horse races I guess. I just want to break free. I don't know if that'll solve it all, but I want the option to at least seek it out. I used to believe, genuinely, without an ounce of fucking irony that my depressive thoughts and feelings, and my borderline schizophrenic tendencies were genuine fucking shortcuts to creativity. I would sit there and really channel them into my poetry, but you know what? While some of that shit is undoubtedly the best I ever wrote, it wasn't because mental illness is some sort of magical potion, it's not because hurt and pain breeds greatness, it's because I was just being truthful I think, as raw and true as I could possibly be. And I've read some of it to people ya know, like my mom and a few friends, and they just say it's so good and I guess I appreciate their support but it's not good, it's bad ya know, i was trying to share a piece of me that i rarely let anyone see and I guess people just saw it as a piece without the deep emotional relationship that it has to my psyche, maybe I gotta specify like hey this is real shit. But ya know I've also been trying to breed a mental positivity, I try to tell myself good job and "hell yeah dude" for anything that could be considered an accomplishment. I wouldn't say it's the most effective but maybe it's doing a little something. This whole self awareness thing is kinda new to me, obviously, like I seriously lived the first 8 years of my life without a single thought, I remember like watching TV or having a conversation and it was just static upstairs.

Which is kinda funny actually cause now all I fucking do is think. Ugh. To be a frog. A mindless bug eating happy little frog. Those guys have got it made. Love frogs. A ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark and disappointing world. That and when people say bazinga. That shit is hilarious. Also, you have to say bazinga, that's the whole point of this. We've established a raport and now I'm cashing in pal, you gotta say bazinga, you owe me. And if you don't I'm reporting you to PepsiCo. They will bottle and carbonate your ass. You'll be sold worldwide. I wouldn't risk it just fucking say bazinga. I'm dialing them right now, doot doot doot look I've only got a few numbers left last chance bud

I, an autistic person who is currently wearing a flash t shirt, have been asked to say.. that word. Irony aside.. no. I'm not falling for your silly tricks, your insightful-incel Seinfeld style stand up routine, and so.. I turn it back on you. You have to say 'wubba lubba dub dub'. I'm exchanging all my favours, my coupons are going straight in to this uncomfortably shaped vending machine and my goodness something better come out. It's time to make good on your reputation, time to come forth and fulfil your destiny, to do what must be done; it's time to whip out a test tube or two to help Frankenstein some confidence into that ugly little lump of brain mass and say the damn words. Say. The damn. Words. Wubba lubba dub dub.

[alma-amentet]

I’ve been tagged by @katastronoot and @sheirukitriesfandom

Feel free to take if you haven’t been tagged already.

1) Describe one creative WIP project you’re planning to work on over the summer.

Just a few days ago I decided to pull myself together and finish my drafts, debts and references queue. There’s a number of tabs with refs hanging in my browser... Need to get rid of them! Then I’ll also finish some tutorials from my previous lessons as well as rewatch the ones I already did, just to get back in shape. And will probably dive into some other courses - I have some good videos.

Was thinking about making some doll, clothes after a long break. My drunk shepherdess needs this, as I changed my mind to sell her away! (she’s another story). And a bag for my favorite tarot deck, now I use the the bag I made for another one, while that another one rests in a bag that once was part of friend’s Christmas present.

The rest is optional for now, but I hope to start drawing more portraits again. Maybe, by the end of the year I’ll be taking requests and trades for your OCs and favorite characters... That would be super cool.

I wanted to start attending my IRL art class again, but looks like I won’t be able to afford it 😢 Sadly I’m not making much money these days, and there are some unexpected expences.

2) Rec a book!

Tanith Lee, The Night’s Master. I think Elden Ring fans will appreciate 😉 Made a post about it a while ago.

I also liked The Winter Players - finally, a good and strong female protagonist! Not evil, unlike Zorayas - the one from the Night’s Master 😉

3) Rec a fic!

False Azure in the Windowpane by Tulak_Hord

If you don’t mind het Malenia ship. I don’t because it has a lot of fluff and an interesting Tarnished. I loved the first 55k words, excluding the chapter where they sparred (for me, that felt too long and boring). But I keep reading it.

Also Flamed Aeonia by BadMonsterFr  

This one has fem shipping, also a lot of hurt/comfort and fluff - just the way I like it! 

I love Malenia fluff. So more Malenia fluff pls! If you can rec me anything else like this, you're welcome! (yes I know and love Unalloyed, esp. the epilogue. It’s somewhat different, more on Millicent and Miquella, but just my vibes as well).

(also I’m really sorry for not reading some of fandom’s buddies works, I do - I’d like to support you more ... started some of them, but couldn’t keep up. I’m a bad and slow reader, and prefer smaller sizes to long ongoings. There are just two long ongoings I'm reading, False Azure and Rebecca's, because they are updated not really often).

4) Rec Music!

I’m on my Breton and Francophone folk kick again, so I recommend 

- La Boutine Souriante, folk-rock from Quebec (so far I’m listyening to their earliest albums, but they’ve been around since 70s and have many albums)

- Tri Yann. Modern Breton classics, I’d say! Love those old men who are still fit and well.

5)Share one piece of advice!

I agree with @vidvana Take care of yourself! Also don’t skip meals, get enough sleep. And if you feel you’d use some support, seek it any ways. If you can’t afford therapy or anything, there’s plenty of books and resources. Sometimes it’s even easier to help yourself than to find help. I’m quite experienced in self-help, I know what I’m talking about. 

For me, Julia Cameron’s “The Artists’s Way” has become that single straw I grasped in my darkest times, and it actually helped greatly! I also used her list of further reading and quotes, thus finding Shakti Gauvain, whose books are inspiring and supportive as well. Later I was a moderator for several groups for the Asrtists’Way. Not an easy experience, but it taught me something as well.

But if there’s a chance of any therapy, groups, any other support, don’t give it up as well.

[siberat]

Lingerie prompt tfa ja/zz?

I did do some reading on TFA Jazz, but I feel I may have missed the mark on him d/t not seeing eps with him in it. I tried to think of a fun scenario! I hope you enjoy it none-the-less!

... ... ...

So, this bot is sitting in his habsuit, setting up the mood to help a very stressed out mech amongst the Eli/te Guard…. Who happens to be very special to him. With all the commotion going on recently, Ja/zz couldn’t help but notice how worked up- and not in a good way- his commander was getting. True, Ultr/a Mag/nus tended to over worry about any little thing, but recently, the taller mech just couldn’t seem to unwind. And what better way to unwind than with what this black and white mech had in mind?

The lights in the room were dimmed; mostly lit by that of the large number of candles flickering around the room. And these candles were scented, lavender scent to be precise. He liked to learn new things and read up on how this scent was known to put one at ease. Also, playing in the background is some classical Cyber/tronian music- not too fast and not too slow. Of course, Ja/zz didn’t need any help with the music selection, he was a self-proclaimed expert.

A knock was heard a second before the door swooshed open. Ult/ra Mag/nus drearily walked in, mid-sentence with a grumbling whine, but seeing his buddy not only stopped him dead in his tracks but silenced him as well. The Auto/bot commander was greeted with Ja/zz lounging on a soft chair, wrapped in a long, silk robe from neck to pede. Said robe was tied beneath a recently acquired belly; Ja/zz had found yet another interest to hyperfocus on- baking.

And baking he did! Tasty muffins filled with ener-cream, topped with crushed geodes were his favorites! But of course, oil cakes slathered with calcium-based icing and uranium and crystal fruit filled pies also were cherished. Really, this ‘bot didn’t snub his nose up at anything, and his growing waistline proved it. While not of grandeur size, the belly bulged out and side flab accumulated along his, well, sides.

Ult/ra Mag/nus didn’t have much time to gawk for his subordinate stood up and beckoned him over. Normally it was the Commander that gave orders, but when he was in Ja/zz’s suit, it was the other way around, and Ult/ra Mag/nus does not disobey orders.  He walks over and immediately is greeted with the pudgy bot smooshing right up next to him in a tight hug while whispering sweet, soothing words. Once the embrace was done (which took a while, UM needed that hug!) he was ordered to sit, and once the taller mech nestled into the comfy chair, and the chubby ‘bot climbed on his lap.

And guided the other’s servo’s to his belly for some touch therapy.  And feeling the cool, softness of the silk robe over that chubby paunch was intoxicating. It was like having a stress-relief ball parked right on his lap! Feeling the doughy flab slide around in such soft material made his worries float away (even if just for the moment). Feeling his partner’s engine vibrate against him was soothing, and hearing the soft mewling escaping the other’s mouth was rewarding.  Ja/zz always had something up his sleeves to make things better. And kneading at the pudge felt so amazingly good that it washed away the anxious and overwhelming thoughts that flooded the Commander’s processor.

And Ja/zz ordered the Auto/bot leader to untie the robe.  Just what was going on here? UM wasn’t sure if he was *ahem* in that kind of mood…but Ja/zz wore a firm look on his face and Mag/nus could not disobey. The knot was untied, and the robe gently slid off the black and white mech’s shoulders, revealing a teal, laced garment hugging the ninja’s body.  His ample chest was harnessed in a bra-like object, most of the hood of his chest exposed in the low v cut. His abdomen was adorned in intricately detailed lace; a mix of solids and see-through material showing off that rounder physique nicely. The bottoms consisted of a little frilly skimpy skirt that now, thanks to the wearer straddling the other’s lap, revealed some beefed up thighs. Pinching servo’s to them revealed a nice squishy feeling, just like the side flab!

Those thighs were covered in some teal nylons as well, and the feel of them was a textured smoothness that was hard to explain. The only thing Ult/ra Mag/nus knew was Ja/zz would not be happy if they were snagged; a firm voice clearly stated that.  So, those blue servos just took their time to gently slide and rub over the legs before returning to the belly.

Upon further inspection, a lacey, feather-trimmed choker decorated his subordinate’s neck as well as decorative cuffs along his wrists.  Ja/zz wasn’t one known for skimping, and it didn’t take long for the leader’s stresses to melt away! It was always a pleasure to be pampered by Ja/zz, and to have the pleasure to touch such a soft, warm body, as well as look at the most prettiest image that sat on his lap was a real treat.  All to make him feel better. And trust me, his engines were rumbling as well.

...... ............. .......

[lookwhatilost]

i feel like the dri & booze situation is one that’s relatively unusual and is going to require a more creative solution that hasn’t been fielded with her. so, not 12 step, which complicates things it’s really hard to get streamlined information on clinical treatment that doesn’t use this model, in part because 12 step is so hegemonic. she needs something more customized than that. what i want to do when she’s calmed down a bit is have a couple options that she wouldn’t have had presented to her *checks notes* 9 year tenure in and out of 12 step programs. i don’t know why anyone is shocked that this hasn’t been helpful.

i’ve known dri for years at this point and am way more familiar with how this works than i ever wanted to be. so i’m of two minds: my less than charitable opinion, which is my broad one, and the one that’s more tailored to this and more relevant.

the mean one is more fun to type: go to an article where a conservative writer is railing against grc, toss out the bit about kiddie tiddies and just grab the ones that are pretending to be objective, that allude to rates of regret that aren’t being reported, lack of supporting evidence, that this is being pushed as the only answer when therapy is more appropriate, that it’s ideologically driven, that it’s profiting off a vulnerable group of repeat customers. perennial classics, i’ve sure we’ve all seen them. now go in and play some mad libs, replace “woke gender experimental surgeries” or whatever dogwhistle the author shit out after they drank their coffee this morning with “12 step”. and congratulations, they’re correct statements now.

i’m oversimplifying a bit here, but there are some serious issues with the all of the data, that would be present in any group that only keeps estimates of its membership – how very convenient for them. so you get wildly variant estimates about the program’s success, with figures ranging from 5% to 91%. that should make any reasonable person suspicious of them. and then orgs like AA will self-publish 75% percent success rate – broken down that’s 50% for don’t relapse after attending, and another 25% who slip then recover – but say things in weasel words “for those who seriously work the program”, which the fine print will tell you is 20-40% of attendees at the meeting. AA groups are also autonomous. the norms in one church basement aren’t going to be the same ones down the road, so what are the criteria they’re holding these people to? there’s a lot of weird shit like this, like the very fun fact that AA is 45 years older than the first substance use disorder diagnosis. and all 12 step programs are the AA formula smacked out something else. it’s a rabbit hole.

what’s relevant here is that 12 step is designed for one specific expression of alcoholism, and adrienne isn’t a patient like that.

like, someone who just got divorced, kids taken from them and their house foreclosed on, someone who’s living in their car, the kind of people who don’t have anywhere else to turn to. this program is made for. it’s the people who can’t stop no matter what and who can’t moderate no matter what, who need complete abstinence. people’ve lost real things because of this.

dri has gotten... um. she’s gotten seriously physically injured multiple times, and she’s had some very alarming experiences with other symptoms after a binge, and i know she knows it’s not a good sign that she’s getting labs all the time. but in terms of things she won’t be able to realistically bounce back from? well, the second DUI did bleed her savings, but she also scraped together the funds for a very well connected lawyer who talked it down to a first offense. so. inpatient recovery stint in december argued as time served. 6 months of probation. complete IOP. 4 months total license suspension, 12 months ignition interlock when the restricted license comes back. $5k fine. judge saying “i just hope i never see you in here again”. a lot of situations like that, where they were nowhere near as bad as they could have realistically been. and the point is more common ground with the group. she isn’t going to engage with this. when she was still in IOP, sometimes she’d come home and comment “damn, some of these people actually ruined their lives”

so, people who the program is designed for don’t really have the privilege of nitpicking it because this is pretty much it for them, and what else are they realistically are going to do? but dri is going to immediately going to look at this and think “why do i have to go on a tour of shame if this is something out of my hands?” and tear into it further like “it doesn’t matter if you change ‘god’ to ‘higher power’ if you’re still talking about an external locus of control. just because it’s woke god now doesn’t mean this isn’t spiritual”. whenever there’s a “bitch ex-wife guy” (apparently every meeting has one) she’s not going to find this relatable because this dude is 2.5 decades older than her and custody battles are something she knows nothing about, and finds the chatter depressing at best, or at worst, sort of looks at some of the more extreme cases and quietly exonerates herself. even when people are in her age group, she doesn’t seem to like them very much. her AA sponsor in 2020 told her that “this year is bad because people were chanting ‘i can’t breathe’ in the streets, which is a black magic spell”. she stopped going after that. for every encounter she had with someone there she thought was interesting, there were 10 more events she took issue with. she just doesn’t like the premise. and i’m still going back and forth on whether the health stuff is abstract to her, or she doesn’t want to think about it, or if she’s just sort of giving up on it. but she’s still shut in our room and she’s been crying on and off for most of the day, so i know she feels awful about herself.

so, i’ve just been writing this out to sort of get my ideas down and spitball what isn’t working, just based on what she’s told me about. and i want to approach her with some language i know she’s probably going to be more responsive to, and i think what i’m sticking with is “you’ve caught a lot of breaks with this, but you only need to get really unlucky with it one time”.

because that’s sort of what my concern is. this is usually the cycle with her: she relapses, and something scares her out of drinking for a while. then some time goes on, and eventually the initial shock wears off. this can be anywhere between 2 weeks to around 6 months depending on how scared she is. then she starts getting stressed, she’ll want to drink and numb it. i can reliably talk her out of it if she expresses this to me, but i also can’t babysit her all the time. this will be persistent, sometimes it goes nowhere. sometimes she’ll pop in somewhere after her shift, and... she’s chugged 8 drinks in the past hour and she can barely form a sentence and is incredibly disoriented, which means she’s liable to fall over and hurt herself, and she’ll just walk around with a gash on her face that’s gushing blood and she doesn’t seem to notice it happened. or she’s put herself in a sketchy situation with people she 100% should not trust because they’re buying her more alcohol and she’s totally lost the thread of what’s going on. already, she’s fallen through a glass door and shattered it, she’s chipped a significant portion off two of her teeth, she faceplanted directly on her glasses and broke them and she still has a scar on her nose where the frame dug into her face, she’s had her drinks drugged, twice, and there’s this story she doesn’t take seriously at all where she describes what is almost certainly an attempted sexual assault, and she’s not reading it that way because she was too zonked out to realize that, no, that stranger carrying you into your apartment when you’re inebriated and getting weird with you is trying to take advantage of you. babe, this is really bad.

her falling into traffic, or tripping into the canal and drowning, or just passing out when it’s cold out and freezing, or anything like that is very low probability, but she only needs to get unlucky once. what’s more likely is that she gets seriously injured. she breaks her jaw, or her nose, or her arm. or she pokes one of her eyes out. or one of her drinks gets drugged again, but no one intervenes this time, and god knows what follows. like, i’m not pulling this out of my ass. she’s had close calls with all of these. and she only needs to get unlucky once.

the good news in all of this is that dri has trended upwards in the sobriety periods. she could barely go a few days without drinking in 2019 and be on a bender for a week or more. now, she might not have had 9 months of consecutive sobriety, but 21 days this year, only spanning 2-3 day intervals at a time, spread out – she’s doing better. but i get worried that she could backslide, and i think she needs something more tailored to her specifically so she can learn how to get out of that thinking cycle. because she needs to do this consistently so she can get the momentum she needs to put this behind her.

so, thinking about some things that she might find appealing or that will help her. RPT seems like a good place to start that she’d benefit from the most, so i need to find a cbt practitioner who has experience with this. i could see REBT working too. i know she probably should try to get back on antidepressants, but i know she doesn’t feel they do anything, so that’s irritating. although i could see her feeling more favorably towards ketamine, because it tends to work more immediately. insurance doesn’t cover that, but we might be able to figure something out. some clinics do payment plans that are a bit more doable for us. i’m not sure how she feels about vivitrol or acamprosate, but they’re on the table too. smart is probably a better fit for her than anything 12 step, if she hasn’t given up on groups, because it’s more based in cbt principles and would be a good compliment to whatever form of talk therapy she thinks makes the most sense. or even just little things in addition to this, like giving her a day planner where she can just keep track of what’s a sober day, what’s a day where she drank, what’s a day where she binged, and just make notes about things like cravings, stressors, etc. she tends to respond better to something tangible, and being able to have a written documentation of this can give her a better handle on her patterns. or encouraging her to get the gym membership she’s been mentioning periodically since she began living here. 

she’s going to figure it out. i know she will. i know she’s going to have a breakthrough with this someday. i bookmarked some stuff related to these and i’ll show it to her in the morning.

[chcmpagneprblms]

[ joseph quinn, cis male, he/him ] — whoa! DOMINIC “DOM” WELLS just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for FOUR YEARS, working as a MECHANIC AT ONE STOP. that can’t be easy, especially at only 30 YEARS OLD. some people say they can be a little bit CRUDE and SARCASTIC  , but I know them to be CLEVER and CREATIVE. whatever. I guess I’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to QUEENS! — (rae, 26, mnt, she/they, n/a)

IN A NUTSHELL: cult classic horror films, a lopsided shit eating grin, grease stained hands, exaggerated gestures, a loud bark of laughter, wasted potential, flipping off the camera and biting comebacks

tw: slight substance abuse mention, implications of childhood neglect/abuse

has been in new york for 4 years now working at one stop as a mechanic in queens….still not necessarily sure on why or what brought him here bc he’s still fairly new-ish but hey we get to learn together!!

doesn’t know how to sit still for longer than a few seconds unfortunately, catch him always drumming pens or pencils or smth over the table and bouncing his leg bc he CANNOT HELP IT (ig all my men have this idk) he says he’s like a shark…i say he says that cus he’s annoying

is a little fucking shit who teases too much, is SO sarcastic and has zero filter, any single thought he has you WILL be hearing it, he doesn’t care

too impulsive for his own good and likes to keep others on their toes, and that includes himself, gets bored very easily

was a bit ostracized as a kid for some of his interests and quirks and now he wears a hard shell exterior and parades around with a wide smirk on his lips, acting like he doesn’t give a single fuck to keep others from doing exactly that all over again, is actually kind of a dork under the facade so consider your muse lucky if they ever get to witness that bc he has got TRUST ISSUESSSS

BLARES his music loudly in the garage and WILL pretend he can’t hear you, saying “what” 4 times just to hear you tell him yourself to turn it down, i hate him and i’m surprised he hasn’t been fired yet

he also is just really lazy when it comes to things he doesn’t wanna do so he really just…does what he wants

smokes weed, cigs, may be a borderline alcoholic all of that, raise ur hand if ur surprised

is actually very creative and smart but doesn’t think it, has designed all his own tattoos, can learn a whole song on guitar by ear by a month, and actually does know quite a lot about cars…but is he doing ANYTHING with this kind of potential? no.

miss him with romance in any way shape or form, he’s down to mess around (is pansexual and panromantic) but is too ahem insecure to think anyone would actually want anything to do with him for MORE than that

is very self deprecating but he acts untouchable to the world, im still trying to figure out his home life but it feels like he’s kind of been in survival mode for most of his tween years to now, the facade he puts up is a coping mechanism…so is being the most obnoxious person in the room ig

i just need him to accept love from others dammit…wc someone take him to therapy fcsgcs

i think it’s very clear i’ve lightly based him off of eddie munson (forgive me for i was not immune to the boy) and also hyde from that 70s show a lil

he’s just my annoying ass enabler who’s lowkey sad and kind of a whore ok pls love us

[chorusfm]

Lily Meola – Heartbreak Rodeo

The latest EP from ultra-talented singer/songwriter Lily Meola offers a fresh take on her heartfelt pop songs with more of an Americana and country vibe to them on Heartbreak Rodeo. Leading up to the release of her latest record, Meola showcased her depth as an artist with several key singles like the vulnerable break-up anthem “Without You,” the self-reflection found on “Over the Moon,” and the personal song about her mother who passed away on “Postcards to Heaven.” Heartbreak Rodeo leans heavily into the country genre and still has that unique charm that Meola commands in her warm vocal presence. Lily Meola shared, “Each song I write is like a therapy session for me. Making music is the way I respond to whatever is happening to me, and my goal is to help people feel a little less alone, whether they’re going through a breakup or grieving the loss of someone.” Living through her personal experiences offers Meola a unique perspective on the world, and yet she manages to make each song universally appealing and relatable. Lead single, “Cowboy,” starts the record off on the right foot with a casually strummed acoustic guitar before adding in some additional sounds and instrumentation as Meola provides a captivating vocal performance throughout. The second verse offers some insight on the inspiration of the track as she croons, “Am I still the only lover / The only lover on your mind / Was it me or was it just a stereotypical kind of lie / You were made for wild and blue / And I was made for missing you / And I’ll never love another like you.” Meola has an extremely creative mind and she is able to pull just the right emotions out of her lyrics. ”Gasoline” follows with a similar approach to the songwriting by leaning into the acoustic guitar as she ponders “If only hearts could run on gasoline.” It’s a charming way of looking at heartache, and her vulnerable/soft vocal performance hits the intended tone for the song. “Mar Vista” has a classic country twang to it as Meola sings, “I left my heart in Mar Vista / Another universe and I’d still be with ya / Earth keeps shaking and we’re out of time / Living on a fault line, nobody’s fault but mine.” The clever lyrical wordplay in the chorus continues to highlight Meola’s growth as a songwriter. The title track features a more upbeat tempo and a memorable chorus of, “I know you want what you can’t have / Once you’re gone, you don’t get to come back / You had me and chose to leave what was gonna be the greatest show on dirt / You know this ain’t my first / Heartbreak rodeo.” Meola uses her personal heartache to pen relatable material that others can identify themselves in the same situation, and possibly feel a little less alone. This connection to others cannot be understated. The closer of “I Need You” offers up several simple similes in the heartfelt chorus of, “Doesn’t matter where we’re going / I need you / Like the planets need their space / And I need you / Like the ocean needs the waves / Like a cowboy needs a horse to ride / And birds need songs to sing / Oh it’s true / I need you.” Meola weaves a tangled web of connections, personal relationships, and the themes of hoping for better days ahead on Heartbreak Rodeo. While some of the songs on this EP seem a little similar in their construction, her talent is undeniable, and she continues to impress on her latest record. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/reviews/lily-meola-heartbreak-rodeo/

[mediaevalmusereads]

Finding Meaning: the Sixth Stage of Grief. By David Kessler. Scribner, 2019.

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

Genre: self-help

Part of a Series? No

Summary: In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler Ross first identified the stages of dying in her transformative book On Death and Dying. Decades later, she and David Kessler wrote the classic On Grief and Grieving , introducing the stages of grief with the same transformative pragmatism and compassion. Now, based on hard-earned personal experiences, as well as knowledge and wisdom earned through decades of work with the grieving, Kessler introduces a critical sixth stage.

Many people look for “closure” after a loss. Kessler argues that it’s finding meaning beyond the stages of grief most of us are familiar with—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—that can transform grief into a more peaceful and hopeful experience.

In this book, Kessler gives readers a roadmap to remembering those who have died with more love than pain; he shows us how to move forward in a way that honors our loved ones. Kessler’s insight is both professional and intensely personal. His journey with grief began when, as a child, he witnessed a mass shooting at the same time his mother was dying. For most of his life, Kessler taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about end of life, trauma, and grief, as well as leading talks and retreats for those experiencing grief. Despite his knowledge, his life was upended by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son.

How does the grief expert handle such a tragic loss? He knew he had to find a way through this unexpected, devastating loss, a way that would honor his son. That, ultimately, was the sixth state of grief—meaning. In Finding Meaning , Kessler shares the insights, collective wisdom, and powerful tools that will help those experiencing loss.

***Full review below.***

Content Warnings: discussions of death (including child death, miscarriage, suicide, and drug overdose)

Because this book is non-fiction, my review will be structured a little differently from normal.

I don't remember how I learned of this book, but I picked it up in part because my therapist said some of my mental health problems seemed to resemble grief more than run-of-the-mill anxiety and depression. I figured I'd benefit from reading this book not just because it might aid my own mental health journey, but also because grief is a part of life more generally. It would be helpful, I thought, to have some tools not just for myself, but to help others when a loss or death happens.

Overall, I found this book to be somewhat uneven. While there were some good insights into the grieving process and many of the stories helped illustrate a point, I felt like the tone of the book was one of inspiration rather than any practical usefulness. Frequently, it seemed as though Kessler would give the reader a sentence of concrete information - perhaps a statement about psychology or a fact about how grief works - and then follow it up with pages and pages of anecdotes. While some of the anecdotes were helpful for understanding a concept, over time, I felt overwhelmed by them. As a result, this book felt less like a guide for navigating grief and more like #inspiration.

Still, I don't think I'd say this book is completely lacking merit. Some of the most useful parts were the moments when Kessler describes what he would have his clients (patients?) do in therapy. For example, he describes writing letters to people who have died, things to remember if you feel like you can't forgive/let go, and so on. I wish that moments like these had been the star of the book rather than the anecdotes, or perhaps if there was an appendix in the back with a few exercises to help grieving people start to heal. Perhaps, then, this book isn't for the grieving, but for people who are looking to understand others' grief or who need inspiration to keep being present while others are suffering.

This feeling is not helped by the fact that "meaning" is not very well-defined, or if it is, it comes across as something A.) spiritual or B.) Something that mostly rich people do. While some of Kesslers anecdotes are about ordinary people (which were the more helpful ones), a lot were also about celebrities or people who had gone on to found their own organizations. Because "meaning" is more strongly (at least to me) linked with those bigger gestures, it felt like creating meaning was something out of reach. As a result, the stories about celebrities or wealthy people felt more like inspiration that can't practically be imitated.

On the spiritual side, because so much attention is given to a nebulous, spiritual sense of "meaning," I kind of felt like I was being fed some cliche maxims about life and death. This doesn't mean that a spiritual perspective is bad, but it does perhaps mean that as someone who finds a lot of value in scientific study (rather than Kessler's use of quotes from Marianne Williamson, Mother Theresa, and various musicians and poets), I'm not the audience for this book.

TL;DR: While some of the content is useful, I think Finding Meaning is less intended for the grieving and more intended for people who helping others through their grief. With very little practical advice (but plenty of stories and quotes), this book feels more like a collection of inspirational anecdotes and pithy statements; some readers may benefit from the emotional appeal, but if you are looking for exercises, suggestions, or a deep understanding of death and mourning, I would skip this book.

[mistergoddess]

tbh i think like. i have frankly not had much therapy at all in the grand scheme of things and considering how severe my mental health problems have been thruout my life, and i've had a lot more exposure to things like institutionalization, medication, and idk more intense things like hypnosis, ketamine, and emdr than i have regular degular therapy so maybe my meh feelings towards classical therapy are a bit unearned but i also think that comes with like. the times i have tried to access it, have been times where i've been in such crisis that it's not the appropriate treatment so of course it's failed and i've given up on it very quickly. i think where i'm at now where my mental health could be better and i definitely still have some low grade depression and anxiety and just ye olde ptsd and the shit that always does, i'm really like. doing quite well compared to most of my life. and my main issues are more the kinds of things that would be helped by counseling, like relationship/socializing shit and loneliness and motivation and work, life changes and planning and hopes and dreams... really just having someone to talk to about my feelings and stressors! like i'm in a place rn where i'm good and i don't need crisis intervention or anything intense, that just regular therapy and literally just having someone i can talk to about daily life problems, could actually be extremely lovely and helpful and give me some great forward momentum...

i'm also pretty interested in gender therapy tbh because i'm really over the moon about starting transition but i do still have issues w the social aspects of it and definitely family stuff and i have some pretty gnarly trauma related directly to transness and the abusive relationship with another trans person i was in as a teen when i first sort of identified myself as trans, as well as trauma related to transphobia in school and stuff, all of which. kept me in the closet for a lot longer than ideal and is why i'm so proud and amazed that i'm still transitioning and coming out now... and like just general growing pains and the interesting funky mental aspects of going thru puberty again and watching urself change ! and the general fucking all consuming terror of doing this shit in the south in the current climate! and self advocacy and stuff! it's all just... i think gender therapy could actually really really be amazing for me

but i feel like there's also a weird personal stigma i hold of like. oh gender therapy is only meant for people who are questioning to like "explore their identities" and "figure out if transition is right for them"? and i don't want like my identity or transition to be put into question at all... and i think that's kind of a sad stigma to have come to mind when i think of gender therapy and i'm sure it could be true if i didn't shop carefully and find the right person who sees the broader needs that could be met by gender therapy but idk. i think. the options locally are prob pretty fucking sparse but it may be worth me asking around at the local lgbt center and trans ppl in the lil queer group i've been hanging out with a bit the past couple weeks and see if anyone knows what's good. in general i just wish i had ppl to talk to about transition and coming out shit bc i do feel really alone and not knowing where to ask questions or get answers and advice and i know it's all online out there somewhere but it's just very broad and overwhelming to figure out where to even start there like... idk... might fuck around and join reddit again?????????? lol... but itd be nice to find other local trans ppl who are willing to have it be a main topic of convo wahh