#just some early morning ramblings

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

do—

Do Howdy and Barnaby ever get together in your human au 🥺🥺

of course they do, who do you think i am

oh BOY do i have things to say about human!Laughingstock! im so unwell about them allow me to talk and talk and talk and ta-

~

so in this au they're like... the ultimate slowburn. their feelings for each other slowly simmer and grow over the course of *checks nonexistent watch* a lil over a decade i think. it's not very dramatic - just soft & silly w/ just a heap of pining and a pinch of angst for Flavor

it starts when they were teens - Howdy had a lil crush on Barnaby in middle school. and how could he not? Barnaby was cute, hilarious, and kind. at this point, they weren't friends! Barnaby knew Howdy's name, but only because they'd shared a school since elementary (as with 6/7 of the other neighbors) & speaking from experience, you just Know Those Names. Howdy slowly "grew out of" this crush, especially when the friend group started forming and he & Barnaby became actual friends.

that crush would fluctuate over the years. It starts out strong and then softens into just this hum in the back of Howdy's mind. always there, often easy to ignore, just... part of him, in a way.

Barnaby has a similar experience. when he and Howdy became friends, he got a lil crush - how could he not? Howdy was cute, laughed at all of his jokes and had a few of his own, and was endearingly eccentric. but at the time, Barnaby didn't recognize the crush for what it was. so he elected to ignore it until the crush dwindled to something easily manageable, something he wouldn't realize is still there. as with Howdy's, it'd never fully go away

and its noticeable enough to their friends that they'd all kinda side-eye how touchy Howdy & Barnaby are with each other (Barnaby is a physical guy, but damn. if Howdy is nearby they Will find a way to be touching at all times), the way they always laugh at each others jokes, the way they always ask "where's [x] / is [x] coming with" whenever the other is absent. but the group couldn't be sure if they were looking into it or not. it's too subtle. over time they get so used to it that they don't bat an eye - Howdy is Barnaby's best friend after Wally. of course they're close!

but then there's this one college party Howdy drags Barnaby to (and by extension, Wally). they're drunk off their asses, Wally's edible has kicked in, the party is pretty chill and everyone is having a decent time. all three of them are on the couch, and Barnaby and Howdy start drunk-complimenting each other. naturally, this feeds their mutual attraction, and one thing leads to another! they make out on the couch. naturally with Wally sandwiched between them, snacking on chips and committing the moment to memory (it's a surprise tool that'll help them later!) neither Barnaby nor Howdy will remember this

now, something i'd like to state for Barnaby in this au! he has had a lot of relationships - from one night stands to actually dating someone for months. sometimes the one night stands were a "he takes someone home after a date, & they leave while he's sleeping and ghost him" situation. with actual dating, the other person always breaks things off after a few weeks, if not days. it breaks Barnaby's heart a little bit every time. to the point where in his mid-20s, he just... stops dating. he avoids other people's advancements towards him, he always takes a friend with him to bars/etc as a buffer, he becomes an expert at gracefully turning people down

("why, pray tell" no one asks "do they always leave him? he's such a catch!" that he is! when he was in school, it was his friend group. he'd try to introduce his 'girlfriend' to his friends, and it'd be an immediate "eugh, you're friends with those freaks? no way!" as an adult, people found it off-putting how (by societal standards) unusually close he was with Wally. also, again, a "weird" friend group. they'd think it's too much, or just not their scene, or 'why don't you date your little blue haired boyfriend', etc. Barnaby never holds it against Wally or his friends. he has the mindset of if that person was the one, they would accept every part of Barnaby - and his friends are indeed part of him. Howdy has also dated around a little, but to a much lesser extent. he's too busy! he doesn't have time for that!)

but the ball really starts rolling in their late 20s. something the group does together - as a fun lil rare hobby - is LARPing. they get really into it! Sally made them all custom costumes, Julie helped make the weapons (like a giant sword for herself), etc etc. they fully commit to the bit (even Frank <3). so at this event's point in the timeline, Eddie is fully integrated into the clique, but that's unimportant - just to show where we are!

so they're all doing their thing, it's a pretty big LARP event - there's always way more people than our dear neighbors, yk. they're just part of the crowd! & there's a big battle hosted, the group is split between teams, but Barnaby & Howdy are on the same side! yay! during the battle, Barnaby is "mortally wounded." Howdy half-drags him away from the main battle under the cover of their teammates (including Eddie and Julie) and sits him down by the tree. now, Howdy & Barnaby are the ones who get into the roleplay the most. they get lost in the sauce! they perform the hell out of everything they do!

& since Barnaby is "dying", he really acts like it. Howdy acts accordingly, but again, they get a little too emotional, a little too into it, a little lost in the sauce. genuine tears are in their eyes, Howdy's voice is genuinely shaking a little as he holds Barnaby in his "dying moments" (Barnaby is holding the sword between his arm and his side. he has ketchup on his armor.) Eddie and Julie are getting choked up just watching this happen. and as Howdy & Barnaby look into each others' tear-filled eyes, those little feelings that have been so quiet for so long come right back babey! full force! but then they all get hit with "arrows" and have to die right there and then, and the moments over. but! both Barnaby & Howdy walk away from this LARP session grappling with Partially Realized Feelings.

Barnaby struggles with this the most, since yk at this point he's sworn off dating. he's being careful with his heart! but when he tells Wally all of this, cause he tells Wally everything, Wally's like "oh. yes, i know! remember that one college party where you two kissed for an hour". and then he goes on to point out every instance where he's thought "right, Howdy and Barnaby are in love" (bc Wally is way more observant than he lets on! he saw that shit! his peepers were peepin!)

BUT IT'S STILL A SLOW BURN BABEY!

Barnaby and Howdy don't approach each other about this. they're both in the boat of "well, i'll just keep going and see what happens" to the point where they're practically dating without ever saying anything to each other. Howdy notices how Barnaby lingers around the store more. Barnaby notices how Howdy keeps turning up at his work to talk more. (they already chat so much...) but they still! dont! say! anything! but they both Know! they're not emotionally circling each other they are Dancing to their Own Music!

and Barnaby is letting himself believe that this can work because, well... Howdy already accepts him as he is. Howdy is part of the group. Howdy loves Wally just like the rest of em. Howdy has seen Barnaby at his (presumed) worst and didn't even flinch! as for Howdy, well, he just thinks this is right! his whole life no one has really caught his eyes or heart, but Barnaby is different. he's always been in Howdy's peripherals. it feels natural to love him so deeply. Barnaby slots into his life like the final piece of a puzzle!

there's a lot of stuff that happens in this inbetween state - Howdy's store burns down & almost takes him with it, there's some family drama that needs to be handled, The Crash happens, etc etc etc - so it's a while before they "actually" get together. but they're both patient! they've waited this long, even if they didn't know they were waiting. neither of them are in a rush. they're young. they have time.

[genekies]

tag vent

[qtubbo]

Funny as hell to be talking to someone and realize they were on the opposite side of every discourse (we found common ground thumbsup to conversation) really funny though when they set off the Morning Crew fanon vs canon debate…my greatest enemy

[dawdlecentric]

Man, this doujin isn't fucking around

Meanwhile, Seikuri in the background...

Doujin: Flashbackers by Totobe

[skyward-floored]

Very quiet here today...

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <333

[sea-buns]

How is it that you can write what is essentially character introspection about emotional manipulation and people automatically read it as you treating the character like a child/a woman "with no agency"? Literally, genuinely, how? Please, I would like to know where the hiccup in my wording was so I can avoid this complete misinterpretation in future posts. I cannot comprehend.

[dragonanne4fun]

.

[misc-obeyme]

So I was thinking about some of those anon asks I got the other day about the boys in history and the possibility of Greek mythological figures being involved... and I was thinking about if maybe our characters were involved in starting stories and legends... which made me think about the King Arthur legends. And while it's certainly funny to think that one or more of the demon brothers somehow created that legend to begin with, I just couldn't stop thinking about a King Arthur AU.

So now I'm just imagining Diavolo as King Arthur, Lucifer as Lancelot, and MC as a gender neutral Guinevere. All of Lucifer's brothers are various Knights of the Round Table. Solomon is Merlin. I mean, it would be so funny.

Now obviously the real Arthur legends end tragically what with the whole Mordred situation. But I would just leave all that out because I really just find the idea of a Knights of the Round Table AU absolutely hilarious.

The other big part of this story is the infamous love triangle with Arthur and Guinevere being married while Lancelot and Guinevere have an affair and such. But I would be much more interested in a Diavolo/MC/Lucifer polycule situation.

Really it's about the aesthetics. Give me the characters in a medieval setting, riding horses and wearing armor, but still acting modern like they do in the games because that's the situation I would find the most entertaining.

Anyway, I just had to get that out of my head lol.

[thesulliedone]

Ever see words that you know are spelt right but just *feel* misspelled?

"Phenomenal" kinda felt like that to me just now.

[ssolessurvivor]

I think it's interesting (was gonna say funny but ptsd from past severed interactions is not funny) but I get super nervous when I want to chat about certain character traits or things with my current partners when I've been writing with them for way longer, like why does my brain do this to me??

I just get so nervous and clam up but like, I want to do another nsfw headcanon post for Logan, and it's not like he likes anything super weird or over the top, he's just as equally as shy as me to talk about it because he's been so sheltered since his recovery even he sometimes won't ask his partners what he wants to do because 'shy country bumpkin insert here' (plus he's still learning what he likes and doesn't like rip)

its so stupid, and I'm tryna work on it I really am, and I think I am improving in some things too on this which is good, it's just silly that I'm still struggling with this bullshit. those of you who know, well, know.

[creaturefeaster]

I remember a while back you talked about color quest writing and that you were going to share the story by the end of the year. Is this still happening? I know you have a lot on your plate Im just so curious

Oh, it is definitely still happening! Probably a little later because of some really unforseen events o_o but, monthsssss of work have already been put into this iteration of the story, and I'd really like to get out at least a small chunk of the beginning out to you guys by maybe January or February.

I think the biggest hurdle is figuring out the best way to share it with people. That, and I want to include some visuals here and there where I can in the written form, so I have to be mindful of that as well. Much to think about still.

[fungi-maestro]

Real Question heads may remember those green arrow crossover comics where Vic was exposed to a toxin that would wipe his brain or whatever (and he ended up having amnesia and that whole thing where he says some things that make you wonder if he is aware of the symptoms of depression or PTSD... But that's a topic for another time). Anyone else wonder if that's what changed his response to the mask gas to be more psychedelic...?

Tot mentions in this issue (not for the first time) that the adhesive can be effected by the chemistry of Vic's face changing (don't smoke, don't drink, don't inhale toxic fumes and it won't fall off/stay stuck). It would be interesting to know just how much that gas effected him. We know it changed his chemistry enough where the mask release wouldn't work. Maybe that's why he suddenly started smelling colors and seeing into other dimensions when exposed to the vapors.

[xxs4d-b4st4rdxx]

I do sometimes wonder if fate is real...

I always grapple with it, always convincing myself that it does not. If I do say it's real that means self will not really a thing, choice is an illusion. The path is already set soon as I was born.

A thing that is hard to think about, and It's worse when you see things always connecting thing pointing you in a direction no matter whether you know what discretion is or not.

What do you truly do if fate points in a direction that is unknown, that's quite scary in my opinion but yet intriguing?

It's like most people say curiosity killed the cat. Though that's only half the saying. The full is curiosity killed the cat ...but satisfaction brought it back. But yet that is a lie too with the first half being older and the second being added much later by someone else. So... Which is true, which may it be. Maybe it's both or is both wrong...

That the thing, do I trust what I don't know or stay where I do know. With many things you can never go back, that is something we can never do, though many will argue. I think that scares most people going to the unknown knowing what they call the past they had home wanting it back. That is that thing you can't do is go back home, once you leave there's no way back.

I'm starting to realize that, but that does mean that you can't make a new one that changes, that doesn't fate is a thing. The path we call fate is just a calling to somewhere new, may it be just maybe the place to live or the end. Though I don't think there's really an ending, but, that's another story all together.

But if it's either or would you think it is better to know where the direction leads or to stay where you are chained by your own making.

I don't know... I'm just a queer 19-year-old guy almost a year out of high school with no job not discretion in life trying to make art that I could be proud enough to sell live with their mom timing away on their laptop siting in bed using their table as a TV watching The first season of Doctor Who 9n four in the morning in their messy ass room and a shit house in a town that considered a city for some odd reason surrounded by farmland in the America.

I'm a nobody, simply. Why would I know anything. Why would anyone know they're not wrong to chose to stay. I don't think anyone will ever know because we are all different with different wants and needs and well paths. Only you will know when you take that chance, and you are the only one who can do so. If some says they know what is at the end of other's paths, they're lying. Maybe they regret what choice they have done and want to force others to choose differently, even if it is wrong.

That is the problem I don't know what I see is true if it is some, or it's just me. Nobody knows.

No one...

[thatrandombystander]

Day 3 of I Am So Fucking Stressed.

[meatriarchived]

i cannot sleep for the life of me due to nausea, im running on maybe like. twenty solid minutes of the Essence of Sleep™ than any substantial sleep so. whatevers below may not make a lick of sense etc but imma just ramble until maybe my eyes kinda tucker out on me and whenever i become more human again ill revisit this so. possibly take it with a grain of salt

and also possible cw in the just case i ramble about anything like g.ore / injury / murder what have you. also nothing is meant to like. pigeonhole interactions into what this mess might have in it. i am simply wordvomiting at this point from lack of rest fingerguns

so when i think about the, what, i think they said roughly a month that maria's been missing? ( dont quote me pls but thats the estimated timeframe i have in my head so if its not then.... vague hand gestures ) with the implication that she's been captive so long, obviously comes with some thread-pulling on the usual M.O. of the family, which is typically yknow, kill quickly get the body taken care of so ideally no ones' missing their loved ones long enough to follow any trails. which, in that case, would mean that more than likely maria ( maybe others in the past ) were kept around as a plaything of sorts, a thing to toy with, to break.

and while i could see it being done so by johnny, for whatever his motive could possibly be to keep her alive for any prolonged period of time. frankly? i could more easily see her being kept alive for so long because of nancy. if maybe its just the womans' vitriolic nature that compels her to do so with a random victim from time to time, esp with her voicelines about some conjured up "attraction" regarding johnny on marias' part ( no ), its like. i could so easily see the woman being a big part of why they didn't kill her off as quickly - to teach her a lesson? to taunt her needlessly? to take out her sick anger on? who knows. but thats what im more inclined to at the moment when it comes to how i portray maria, esp in her Living aus.

its partly why ive got the itch in the back of my mind tho to possibly take on nancy when shes released ( i want to have more info on her esp before i decide to or not ). the woman just has so much venom in her and as much as it compels me to wanna hoist her up and throw her at a wall, shes like the hoyt of the game so far - theyre meant to be disgustingly cruel and vile and disturbing characters. but shes such a... nice foil in a sense to both luda and to maria.

like luda's not unfamiliar to killing, shes got blood on her hands in spite of her age, but shes not unnecessarily violent like nancy. luda harms or kills to get the job done - nancy has too much fun with it, she seems like she likes to take her time with people she fixates on and she seems as if she'd going out of her way to cause an abundance of unneeded harm to her victims. id argue that luda is respected in the family for her guidance and her role as matriarch, nancys' just lowkey straight-up feared to a degree because of how 0 - 10000 she can get. i can see them losing alot of potential food because she just...frankly goes way too far at times handling victims, that it makes the body mostly if not completely unusable to be butchered properly.

all that to say, yeah johnnys the one that herded maria to the family and sure i can see being why she wasn't killed immediately for likely just toying with her for a bit, tho with him i can feel the novelty of doing so could dwindle fairly quick; but i can see nancy being why shes still alive almost a month later, and in such rough shape yet still being kept alive ( in reference to her worse wounds being stitched up - if speaking with thomas in mind, he does enjoy sewing and will sew victims up if they arent ready or needing to be butchered right away so, could argue that he / bubba were told to do so by nancy to prolong maria's suffering. )

as for maria, in the aftermath of it all, its difficult to describe the types of injuries she definitely has because frankly when you consider the idea of her being alive for those weeks, her injuries must have been consistent and substantial, yknow? shes severely m.alnourished, severely dehydrated. physically shes a complete wreck and i truly think that until she saw ana and her friends? she'd gotten to the point of being shut down to it all and was simply waiting for death to take her in its arms ( which, i think if we think about nancy having a hand in keeping her so long, the lack of fight / reaction likely set her off in a different way than she's used to victims behaving and made her want to prolong marias life just to spite her ). like. at the end of it all, these people genuinely terrify and disgust and have t.raumatized her so badly, imagine being in her position for weeks.

maria's entire worldview and thoughts on people in general were so severely trampled on by this one singular family unit; she could never blindly trust people again, paranoia of being followed like she was, flinching from physical contact with people. she feels a shiver of fear when people smile broadly because she views it as having a sinister motive behind it. so much of her trust and willingness to see a shred of good in people by default just, shattered completely.

to note: i am still awake and my eyes are not tired yet and i am internally sobbing cause at this point im not going to get any sleep until later in the day cause i have errands to run in a couple hrs but im gonna cut this here dsfbjhkas

i'll end it here tho by noting that, should this make sense in terms of nancy by the time shes in game and all, then theres a good chance she'll ( unfortunately ) be added but also

in terms of the slightest sliver of a chance that, should one of the friends locate maria years after shes gone off to the pacific north west on her own and tell her about the plans to return to the house?

imma just be real and say maria may or may not wanna beat the ever-loving shit outta nancy if she somehow still has the audacity to be breathing- dsasdjk