#eh gonna me a meh day I can feel it

[ssolessurvivor]

I think it's interesting (was gonna say funny but ptsd from past severed interactions is not funny) but I get super nervous when I want to chat about certain character traits or things with my current partners when I've been writing with them for way longer, like why does my brain do this to me??

I just get so nervous and clam up but like, I want to do another nsfw headcanon post for Logan, and it's not like he likes anything super weird or over the top, he's just as equally as shy as me to talk about it because he's been so sheltered since his recovery even he sometimes won't ask his partners what he wants to do because 'shy country bumpkin insert here' (plus he's still learning what he likes and doesn't like rip)

its so stupid, and I'm tryna work on it I really am, and I think I am improving in some things too on this which is good, it's just silly that I'm still struggling with this bullshit. those of you who know, well, know.

[writersdrug]

Thinking about Simon with a goth! gf, and introducing his team to you.

Warnings: cursing, very slight nsfw, pda

Typed this up on my lunch break, not thoroughly proofread, ending is meh but it's been rotting in my brain so I had to push it out. Feel free to send me asks about this headcannon, I'd love to write more about it! <3

Simon insists on dragging his team to the nearest pub after a particularly rough day, offering to buy then a round of whiskey. They are all reluctant at first, complaining about aching backs and heads, and Price saying that the missus was expecting him.

Then Simon mumbles something about how his girl would've loved to meet them.

"Yer wha' now?"

"My girl."

Suddenly, Gaz's headache is gone. "Must've just been dehydrated, I suppose." Soap's back feels much better, after being able to sit in the car for just- five minutes, now. And Price? Apparently, the missus was at a dinner raffle for her charity- thing, and he'd just now remembered.

So, drinks and a quick bite at the pub you worked at. It was settled.

Simon leads them in shortly after parking the truck. The other three quickly scan the room for anyone who stands out. As Simon brings them to a booth in the back, they all take a seat, heads on a swivel for some pretty thing to come bouncing over and latch herself onto him.

"Gonna hit the head." Simon says. "I'll put our drinks in- she'll bring 'em over, she'll be done with 'er shift soon."

As he leaves, Soap, Gaz, and Price all sit there in a few moments of observatory silence. It's much harder to sample the crowd, they realize, since there's apparently no dress code for the servers. Johnny eyes each person like a hawk, until he sees a potential pick.

"Tha' one." He says, nodding towards a busty, long-legged blonde. Price and Gaz follow his line of sight to her as she leans against the bar, playing with her hair and laughing at something her friend says. Her bootcut jeans and frilly top accentuate her curves, and it's obvious that every man in her vicinity is ogling. "Twenty on 'er. Seems like he'd be into swimsuit models, eh?"

Gaz humms, scrunching his nose disapprovingly. "Nah, mate- too simple."

"Feck is simple 'bout 'er?"

"I mean for Simon." Gaz corrects Soap. "Don't think he'd want someone so... ditzy- no offense to her." He adds. "I think he wants a girl who can hold her own, in the physical and the figurative sense. Someone..." he narrows his eyes, searching through the crowd of people. "Like her."

He discretely points to a woman across the bar. She's playing darts with a few people, and hits the bullseye perfectly just as Soap and Price look her way. Her tank top and cargo pants show how defined, yet lean her muscles are. She looks like she could last a few decent minutes in a brawl. "I bet on her."

"Well I'll raise ye forty - I ken LT wants someone more... passive."

"Forty it is, then. I'd love to have you pay my bill tonight."

"If I may..." Price chimes in, leaning against the back of the booth with a smug look, arms folded over his chest, "I'd love to get in on this little game o' yours, and walk away with eighty pounds t'night - because you're both wrong."

Soap smirks. "And how's tha', Cap?"

Price smooths his fingers over his mutton chops. "Well, for starters, I'm a bit ashamed o' you boys. Neither of those girls actually work here, do they? Mm?"

Gaz groans, letting his head drop against the wall behind him. It takes Soap another moment, but then he remembers Simon saying this was where you worked. The whole point of them going to this specific pub was because you'd already be here, on the clock.

"Shite..." he mumbles.

"Alright, sir." Gaz says defeatedly. "Lay it on us."

Price leans his elbows on the table and points his finger straight ahead; Gaz and Soap both follow it to the bar, where a sweet-looking girl is punching orders into a server tablet. She has long, silky, red hair, and a petite frame. She smiles so kindly at every patron who speaks to her, and when she makes their drinks, she is quick with it, still engaging in conversation as she shakes the mixer with a powerful arm. Despite the crowd, she seems to be managing fine on her own.

"Her." Price says, tucking his hand back onto the table. "Y' see that face? The way she talks to 'em all? How she's soft and tough at the same time? Imagine that birdie tucked under his wing, eh?"

Soap and Gaz can imagine it. She's a cute little thing, a social butterfly, it seems - the perfect polar opposite to Simon that just might be the perfect fit.

"And I know he's got a thing for redheads." Price adds.

"Piss off, how d'ye ken tha'?" Soap grumbles.

Price shrugs. "Call it intuition."

Simon comes around the corner, carrying several glasses of neat whiskey. "Sorry-" he says, setting a glass in front of Price, and handing out the others as he sits down on the end of the booth. "She's on 'er way now."

"No worries." Price says, trying to hide his smirk. "Didn't know y' were into redheads, Simon."

Simon pauses, looking down at the table in confusion - then he chuckles. "Yeah, s'pose I am. How did y' know? Did she come by already?"

Price laughs. "No, son. We were just sayin'-"

"Hey baby!"

You turn the corner and lean down, squealing as you throw your arms around Simon's neck and kiss him. The other three look on with shock, and Soap is about ready to throw this random woman off of Simon, until he holds you just as tightly and kisses you back.

Price's smirk falls right onto the table when he realizes that he is just as wrong as the other two.

You're Simon's bird. Simon's raven. Black, styled hair, with black lipstick that is currently smudging Simon's chin. You have a choker - no, several chokers, wrapped around your neck, as well as a tiny corked bottle filled with red liquid that makes Soap and Gaz nervous, dangling from a chain. Long, black-painted fingernails, with small spiderwebs decorating the tips, caressing his face and the back of his neck. Your arms and legs are covered with torn fishnets and small tattoos, and you're wearing a black number with a corset, paired with studded Doc Martin's.

You finally pull away and look at the rest of them. "Sorry- nice to finally meet the lot of you." You say, shaking each one of their hands. Your eyes are striking, with full, dark lashes, eyeliner, and red contacts. Gages and a bull ring, too. Soap feels a shiver run up his spine when he looks at you head on, and Gaz hasn't picked his jaw up off the floor since you came around.

"Erm-" Price clears his throat, "pardon us- call me John. This is Kyle, and Johnny." He gestures to the other two, still watching you with a mix of curiosity and awe.

"I've heard so much about you. It's good to put names to the face." You say with a smile, shaking the other two's hands. Gaz manages to smile a bit, but Soap has the same shocked expression plastered onto his face.

Simon has a love-drunk, black-smudged smile on his lips as you sit down in his lap. "She's been wantin' t' meet you all for a while, now. Sorry I kept 'er a secret."

"To be fair, I'm usually hard to find." You say, grabbing a napkin and wiping the lipstick off Simon's face. "I'm either here, at class, or roaming around and people-watching... at night, of course. People are more interesting when it's dark out." You traced a fingernail along his jugular as he stared up at you.

"John 'ere knew you were a redhead."

"How?! Oh my god- are my roots showing?"

"Nah, luvie, he's just observant. 'S our job." Simon places a kiss to your forehead. You smiled, leaning into the kiss.

"Oh, kitchen's about to close. You wanna split a burger, Si?"

"Sure, get what you like."

"'S no onions ok?"

"Fine w' me - chips?"

"You know it." You giggle, making a show of squishing his cheek and biting it. You turn to the rest of his team with a smile. "You boys hungry?"

Price is the first one to speak, taking a heavy breath in, causing Soap and Gaz to finally snap out of their trance. "Erm- whatever you get, we'll do the same. On us tonight."

"Oooh, you sure?" You asked, raising your eyebrows. Simon looked at Price curiously.

"You positive, cap?"

Price nodded. "Lost a bet."

Simon looks even more concerned. You pat his shoulder and stand up. "I'll go punch it in, be right back." You give him a peck on the cheek, and begin to walk away - Simon's attention returns to you as he hooks a finger in the chain choker around your neck and tugs you back.

Soap, Gaz, and Price all watch, stupefied, as you land back in Simon's lap with a giggle. He grabs your chin between his thick fingers and kisses you on the lips, shamelessly letting his tongue slide past your teeth and squeezing your thigh. You laugh into the kiss, letting him devour you for a moment, before tapping his cheek and breaking away.

"I got fifteen minutes to put everyone's order in, Si."

"That's plenty of time, dove."

"Yeah, but then kitchen will get mad for doing it last minute, and I don't want-"

He chuckles, gently shoving out off of his lap and smacking your rump through your skirt. "You're fine, go on."

You smile, then disappear behind the booth, boots thudding against the hardwood floors.

Simon looks back at the three of them - Soap is staring between you and him, a blush covering his face. Gaz immediately turns to look at the wall, scratching his chin, and Price is gazing into his whiskey, though there's a lingering surprise in his eyes.

"So- what bet?" Simon asks, adjusting his hips; Soap notices his hand reaching down to palm at the fabric over his groin. "I don' remember bettin' nothin'."

"We weren't bettin' on ye pullin' her out ye pockets, LT." Soap comments, trying to avoid Simon's eyes. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out forty pounds, slapping it onto the table.

"It makes sense..." Gaz, chimes in. "With your whole skeleton look, she fits you."

Simon slowly smiles, understanding what they had bet on. "Oh... I see. Lemme guess - you thought I's with someone more... simple? Lile that blonde at the bar, is tha' right?"

"Tha's what I said!!" Soap exclaims, dropping his fist to the table. "You got te give me credit fer pointin' t' a swimsuit model first, aye?"

"Oh- because every bloke on earth is shallow enough to care about swimsuit models." Gaz scoffs. "I at least picked someone who didn't look so bloody helpless." He gestures to the girl playing darts with her friends. "You don't even know if the other girl's a model."

"Well, one can imagine..."

"Feel as though I's the closest..." Price mutters under his breath, making the other two glare at him.

"Ye were not."

"Get off your high horse, cap-"

"Well- try this." Simon leans on his forearms with a smug look on his face. "My bird? She's a model, and she's a black-belt in Judo, and-" he looks at Price- "she's a natural redhead."

They all look between Simon and you, as you stand behind the bar and punch their orders in, laughing with the other redhead. Their eyes would drop onto the table if they were any wider.

"You sly dog-" Gas comments with a chuckle.

"I don' believe ye." Soap says, crossing his arms. "Wha' kind o' model?"

"Lingerie."

Price chokes on his whiskey.

"Bullshit." Soap snaps. "Pictures or ye lyin'."

"Nah." Simon sighs, leaning back in his seat and daking a sip of his whiskey. "Not the ones I have, at least. But pick up the last "Bloodletting" magazine, and she's there."

They all sit there, a bit dumbfounded, watching you walk back to the booth. How on earth did someone like Simon land someone like you?

Simon's full of surprises, even in his personal life.

[mythica0]

A whosamawhatsit?

🎂: Fop; a new wish

🧁.Dev

🍫: Peri

Summary: Dev gets his first ever lee mood. He is confused.

A/N: yes I’m writing lee dev ler peri again, what it to ya! This fic takes place after the other two I wrote, I kinda got a timeline going. Also I hope someone gets my title 🙏 (btw it’s pronounced who’s-a-muh-what’s-it) I’m not super happy with the ending but eh.

(P.S I got so flustered writing this. Also, Beta read by @randommusicalfluff!)

A whosamawhatsit?

Dev felt strange.

As soon as he woke up, he felt… odd. In a way he couldn’t quite place.

His whole body was buzzing, he felt like he was a soda can that had been shaken. He felt light and airy, and almost bouncy?

He was also in a better mood than usual? He didn’t know why he was just… less meh. He actually woke up and smiled.

He stretched and got dressed, having an Au-pair bring him a donut for breakfast.

“Hey kid, G’morning!”

Dev looked up at Peri and smiled, giving him a small wave. “Good morning, Peri!”

Peri sensed something. He didn’t say anything. He wanted to be sure.

“Well someone’s chipper this morning!”

Dev hesitated and smiled. “Yeah.. guess I am!” Dev was confused. He felt so… odd. He felt like he wanted.. something? What was it…

The rest of the school day went as normal, but the whole time Dev was contemplating and confused. He noticed more as the day went on.. he found things funnier than he usually did, felt a need for physical contact. And that bubbly, fizzing feeling in his stomach grew, along with to a sense of longing. If only he could figure out what he wanted!

Peri observed throughout the day. His sense had never been wrong before, and it was blaring! This kid had a lee mood, he just knew it. Time to have a little chat!

After Dev and Peri had arrived back at the mansion, and entered Dev’s room, Peri started the conversation.

“So, Dev, how are you feeling?”

Dev looked up. “Hmm? Oh, I feel great, thanks for asking!” He answered genuinely, smiling.

“That’s good! But I meant.. feel any different than usual?”

Dev didn’t know how Peri knew, but he replied honestly anyway.

“Actually, yeah.”

“Hmmm, how so?”

“Well.. I’ve felt like.. buzzy? All day. Also pretty light. I’ve found things funnier than usual… and a sense of … longing? But I can’t figure out what it is that I’m longing for.”

“Ahh, my sensors never fail!” Dev looked confused. “Worry not, kid, for I know exactly what you want.”

“How do you know what I want when I don’t?”

“Well, you’re in a lee mood! And I always know when someone’s in a lee mood.”

“A.. whosamawhatsit?”

“Oh yeah you don’t know what that is, do you?”

Dev shook his head, intrigued and listening but also very confused.

“Well, A lee mood is when someone wants to be tickled!” Immediately Dev’s face burned as he realized that.. yup, that was what that sense of longing was about. “It often comes with buzzing or tingling sensations and a chipper attitude, which you have been displaying!”

Dev blinked, and let out a flustered, “….huh.”

“Sooooo?” Peri drawled, teasingly.

“So- what?” Deb responded, an eyebrow raised.

“Do you want me to tickle you?” Peri said, so casually, as if discussing the weather.

Dev blushed even more. “Uh- I- ummm-“ he didn’t quite know how to respond. He did. But he didn’t wanna say that! That’s embarrassing!

“I’m not hearing a no~”

Dev continued to stammer embarrassedly.

“Don’t worry, I won’t make ya say it!” Peri teased, pulling dev into a hold. Dev covered his red face with both hands.

Peri smiled and started scribbling against the kids ribs, causing his joyous giggles to pour from him.

“Are you gonna uncover your face so I can see your precious smile~”

“Nohohohohoho!”

“Oh, really~ are you suuureee~”

Dev mustered some false confidence. “Ye-yeahahahah!”

“Alright then, guess I’ll just have to make you.”

Right after he finished his sentence, Peri shot up to Dev’s underarms, digging with just enough pressure to really tickle.

Out of instinct, Dev’s arms shot down.

“Aww, too bad~ where’d all that stubbornness go?”

“I Cahahahahant hehehehehehelp ihihit!! Ehehahhaha!”

“Well, if you’re gonna try to be all stubborn then you should probably work on that.”

“Eehahahhaahahaaa! Gehehehet ouhohohout ohohohof thehehehre!!!”

Peri pouted sarcastically. “I can’t~ my hands are stuck~”

“Nohohoho thehehey ahahahrehehent yohohou liahahahar!”

Peri made a fake attempt to remove his hands, before once again teasing, “see? They won’t budge! Guess I’ll just have to stay here and tickle and tickle and tickle for the rest of time!”

“Nohohohoho!! Gohoho sohohomwhehehere ehehehelse!!

“Oh, so you don’t want me to stop? You just want me to go somewhere else? And why is that, this a bad spot~?” The lilt in his voice made Dev’s face go even darker than it was.

“Nohohohoho! Eheheheee!” Dev was kicking lightly, unable to stop the happy laughter and energy that flowed through his whole body.

“No? That’s not why? Hmm… is it because you want me to tickle your little tummy? Is that why? Does this cute little tummy want some of the tickly tickly tickles?”

Dev blushed even harder(somehow) and continued to kick lightly and giggle. But he didn’t deny it.

“Oh~~? No denial?? That must be it, then huh~”

“Eeeehehehehahaha! Dohohohohooonttt!” Dev whined through his bubbly giggles.

“Oh~ so you don’t want me to tickle your little belly? You don’t want me to make you feel all giggly and happy from the tummy tickles?”

Dev just whined again, laughter never stopping, smile never leaving his face.

“No? You do? Well, then why’d you say ‘don’t’ hmm? If you do want me to tickle your tummy, then don’t what?”

“Nohohoho tehehehaseihihing!!”

“Aww, I’m afraid I can’t do that~ teasing is part of the fun!”

Dev just giggled some more.

“Well~ if you want me to tickle tickle tickle that little tummy of yours, you’re gonna have to move your arms. I’m still stuck!”

“Ihihihi cahahahahant!!

“Well then, why don’t I help you out~” Peri kept tickling with his right hand, but took his left and pulled Dev’s arms up over his head, with no protest. He held them there for just a moment, before digging into Dev’s oh so ticklish tummy.

Dev’s giggles grew bigger, renewed by the change in sensation.

Dev couldn’t and wouldn’t say it out loud, but he was having the time of his life. The ticklish jolts sending through his stomach to the rest of his body, making him laugh and smile and kick joyfully. Forcing him to be happy, forcing him to giggle and laugh brightly. At some point he had tears of joy forming in his eyes.

He was so happy right now, and that made him embarrassed.

After a good few minutes off the tickles, Peri stopped, sensing that the kid had had enough.

He poofed up some water for him, encouraging him to drink slowly.

Dev giggled for a while, breathing heavily, trying to brush away left over tickles. He drank the water, let his face cool down, and allowed his giggles to slow and then stop.

“Welp, now you know what a lee mood is, right?”

“Yeah, yeah- I guess I do!” …. There was a pause, then a breath. “Do you get lee moods?”

Uh oh.

———THE END————————————————

[rebouks]

Previous | Next

Transcript:

Ivan: You awake? Bruno: Mmh, barely.. you okay? Ivan: Meh.

Bruno: You’d feel better if you took your pain meds. Ivan: I’m scared to. Bruno: I’m ninety nine percent sure you’d be fine.

Ivan: Eh. Bruno: Why don’t you try n’ go back to sleep? Ivan: We can’t lay around all day, every day.

Bruno: We can for now-.. gotta find a job at some point though, unless you wanna crash in Mack’s basement forever. Ivan: [grunts] Bruno: Me neither.

[Bruno pokes at his phone, letting out a soft huff of surprise] Ivan: ‘Sup? Bruno: Kian was sentenced without a trial yesterday; manslaughter, ten years.

Ivan: [snorts] Bruno: Told you he had a good lawyer. Ivan: Reckon he told ‘em anythin’?

Bruno: Probably. Ivan: I hope nothin’ comes back to us. Bruno: You’ve less to worry about than me.

Ivan: Tch, I’m gonna take a bath. Bruno: Let me-… Ivan: I don’t need you t’do everythin’.

Bruno: I know, but-.. you know I like helping, right? It’s not a chore. Ivan: It’s just a fuckin’ bath, B. Bruno: Okay…

Ivan: [sighs] Sorry. Bruno: Why don’t you like being looked after? Ivan: I dunno, s’weird.

Bruno: Because I’m a man? Ivan: [pauses] A bit-.. but it’s not just that. Bruno: No?

Ivan: I’m used t’lookin’ after myself, I guess. Bruno: Well, you know where I am. Ivan: Uh-huh…

[Ivan hovers by the door, glancing over his shoulder]

Bruno: … Ivan: You comin’? Bruno: Sure.

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Floyd Leech Bloom Birthday Personal Story: Part 1

"Happy Birthday"

Part 1 (Part 2) (Part 3)

[Octavinelle Dorm – Birthday Party Venue]

Floyd: So, it's almost time for the birthday interview, huh. I wonder what they'll ask this year.

Floyd: And 'sides, who did the "Magical Pendulum" even choose to be my presenter?

???: Excuse me!

Ortho: Happy birthday, Floyd Leech-san! Let's have a good time today.

Floyd: Oooh, so you're the one who's gonna get this show on the road, Clione-chan? Make it entertaining for me, 'kay?

Ortho: I'll do my best. So then, I'll get the interview going right away.

Ortho: "Are you good or bad at flying?"

Floyd: Flying? Sure, I like it, but I don't know if I'm good at it, or nothing.

Floyd: Sometimes I can clear a set task in one go, but when I can't, I just suuuck.

Floyd: Stuff like having to fly at a specific height in a straight line's super boring, too.

Ortho: I understand. So you're the type whose flying skills can change greatly depending on your current emotions.

Floyd: Isn't that how everyone is?

Floyd: If something looks fun, I totally feel like trying it, but if it's boring, it's a pain to even lift one finger to do it.

Floyd: But meh, even on days I'm not really feeling up to doing anything, I can still fly higher than Jade or Azul, so.

Ortho: Oh, that reminds me, I've seen statistics that says merfolk tend to dislike flying.

Floyd: Hrrrrm, there's data like that? I bet whoever researched that must've been real bored.

Floyd: I mean, I guess Jade and Azul don't really like flying from the get go, anyway.

Floyd: Back when I first started learning how to fly, it didn't matter how into it I was, I still messed up a ton.

Floyd: It's a totally different sensation than being in the water, so I had a hard time just trying to balance on top of the broom.

Ortho: That does indeed sound like an issue that arises simply by default of being merfolk.

Floyd: Oh yeah, way back when, I remember I had a total epic fail.

Floyd: I couldn't control the broom at all, and ended up slamming into the bushes. Ahaha,

Ortho: Eehh!? Did you get hurt?

Floyd: Uhh, just got scraped up here and there, I guess? But it was so fast compared to how we move in the ocean, so it startled me a bit.

Floyd: But, I just couldn't get over that thrill I felt, y'know～? I wanted to feel it again, so…

Floyd: I'd watch videos and try to copy what I saw, trying all sorts of different stuff. Eventually, I was able to fly better.

Floyd: Lobster-sensei even told me that out of all the merfolk he's ever taught here, that I was one of the fastest to pick it up, too.

Ortho: Wow, that's amazing!

Ortho: I wonder why your improvement was much faster compared to the other merfolk?

Floyd: How should I know? Lobster-sensei just said that it's important to not be afraid of flying, though.

Ortho: If I were to compile everything you've explained here… I guess that means what's most important is to have the proper spirit, right?

Floyd: Maybe?

Floyd: It's also just a waste of time to just be zoning out thinking of other things, or just doing nothing like a sea anemone, anyway.

Ortho: Ehe, you're right. I want to be able to learn new things without fear just like that, too.

Floyd: 'Kay, I think that wraps it up nicely, don'tcha? Clione-chan, get on with the next question.

Part 1 (Part 2) (Part 3)

Requested by @sadinasaphrite.

[arc-misadventures]

Maybe I missed something but doesn't JNPR overreact to the Arc family. Compared to team rwby who were basically insulting Jaune the Arc ladies just seemed happy to have another sister/member?

Also how Jeanne react to the Arc family?

True, but to Jaune, and the rest of his team it feels like they are forgetting about him, and that they are replacing him for her.

Sure they didn’t let them explain why they said those things. But, the few words they spoke did all the damage it needed to do.

As for the second part…

The Repercussions of Your Actions

(SMASH!)

Acheius: Oww…

Jeanne: Why?! Why did you just punch him in the face!

Acheius: Some random guy came out of your room, and said, “Hi, dad! Why are you freaking out, its me your son?” How else did you expect me to react?!

Jeanne: Not by punching him through the wall! TWICE!

Acheius: Look I understand that I messed up, you know I’m just worried about my precious baby girl.

Jeanne: I am not your, ‘precious baby girl’ anymore! I am a, Huntress! I am can stand up for myself! And, I am sick, and tired of everyone beating up, Jaune just for showing up!

Acheius: It was an accident…?

Juniper: Honey, you punched him through a wall, twice. Landed on him, and continued to wail on him even after his aura broke. On top of that, your fight tore up my lawn, and ruined my tulips. Do you honestly think you are in a good place to argue against her, or me for that matter that it was… ‘Just an accident?!’

Acheius: Uhhh… W-Why am in trouble for messing up the lawn! Nora punted me over the house, and I tore up you rose bushes on landing!

Juniper: My precious little girl was defending her friend from you! And, unlike you, she offered to help me me fix it for some wonderful mother bounding time~!

Jeanne: Uhh… Since when was, Nora my sister?

Juniper: Five minutes after I found out she was an orphan!

Jeanne: Okay…? Are you okay with this, Nora?

Nora: I’m loving it, oneesan~!

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: This is the greatest day of my life…

Juniper: Also, I’ve adopted, Rin as well.

Jeanne: R-Rin?!

Rin: I… I’m also happy with this as well, onee… san…

Jeanne: Grk?! Oh gods… This is too much to bare!

Acheius: I have two new daughters?! Oh this is a wonderful day! I would have preferred to have been informed about this before you adopted me, but I’m happy nonetheless! Come on girls, how about a hug for your new father!

Nora: No!

Rin: I’ll have to pass.

Acheius: Eh?

Nora: We like, Jaune! And, we’re tired of everyone beating him up!

Rin: We understand why you attacked him, but couldn’t you have shown more restraint before you decided to attack him?

Juniper: So, as punishment for hurting, Jaune, you get no father-daughter bonding until you’ve learned your lesson!

Acheius: Juniper, I’m…?!

Juniper: And, don’t bother apologizing until after you fix my tulip garden! Come along now girls, lets go have some mother daughter bounding~!

Nora: Oh, oh! Can I see, Jeanne’s baby photos!

Rin: Oh, I would love to see those!

Jeanne: W-What?! No you don’t need to see those!

Acheius: …

Acheius: Haa… I did screw up this one…

Theo: Yeah, you just snapped, and beat the hell out of that guy. You’re usually more level headed than that dad.

Philip: Yeah, honestly I was looking forward to meeting this guy, Jeanne made him sound like an interesting person.

Alex: Meh, I can understand why dad punched him, we’d probably do the same thing if he had hurt our precious sister. But, I doubt any of us would have gone that far.

Acheius: Haa… I did screw up… I going to be thinking about how badly I screwed up while I fix all of this… Well, best get to it; Would one of you mind fetching some of the gardening tools for me?

Richard: Yeah, no. Go, get them yourself.

Acheius: Eh? Why?!

Galahad: Because you’re just gonna rope us in into helping you. Besides we have more important things to do.

Acheius: Oh yeah, what better things?

Theo: Like fixing the holes in the walls you put through my room!

Acheius: Ahck?!

Richard: We best start on repairing the new ‘window.’

Alex: Agreed, it may take longer to fix, but I rather not deal with the cold breeze it will flood the house with.

Philip: Or, how mad mom will be when the house starts to get cold.

Arc Brothers: AHHAHAHAhahaha!

Acheius: …

Acheius: Haa… I may have screwed up big this time, but at least they’re all happy, well at least most of them. Well, best get to work then.

///

I was just going to answer the first part. Then this came out. Do enjoy~!

[alice-the-demon]

So huh, I wrote a "fan-script" about one of the sketches I made here about when both Dynamite Anton and Annie got expelled from high school (19-20 y/o).

I came up with the story while drawing, I'm not a master at writing fanfics so uh, if you have any criticism or general comment(s) about it tell me lol

(TW: Alcoholism, Depression)

•

•

•

(They both got kicked out from high school at their last year, they didn't receive their diploma. To cheer up Anton and Annie decided to go out and drink something. They sit on a bench in a park and they start drinking beer.)

Anton: ... Man.

Annie: Eh, at this point it's like a routine. *She talks while gesturing with the beer bottle in one hand* We go to school, the teachers talk about boring stuff, Danton and Nina annoy us, we get scolded by the principal, we go home with a note and repeat the whole thing until we get to next year.

Anton: Annie. We blew up a classroom. With the principal in it. We got expelled for that. Now we can never go back and get our diploma!

Annie: *While shrugging* Meh, it's just a stupid piece of paper anyway. *She drinks more beer.*

Anton: *Stays silent for a moment, looking at the ground* ... Do you still remember our days in elementary school? I do a little. In fact... I remember that one time we were playing in the playground, and in a corner I saw you being tugged by a bigger kid to take away the doll you were playing with, you tried to defend yourself but they were stronger. The moment they punched you I ran towards them and I bited them. Heh... The teachers had to drag me back in the classroom to lecture me on what I did... I yelled and cried like a wild animal, hahaha... Hah... *He pauses as his face gets darker, he leanes back on the bench and looks up. The sun is setting and the sky is starting to get darker.* Y'know... In my whole life the others always said that I'm incorrigible. That I can't behave no matter how many times I get in trouble. That I can't learn from my mistakes. That I'm... Hopeless. That I'll have a miserable life... And... that I'll die without accomplishing anything.

...

I'm starting to think they're right. *He starts to sob while laughing* Haha...! That's how life is gonna be, isn't it? Being hated by everyone... No dignity... Nothing of value coming out of me... Just a stupid, immature, pathetic... *His voice shakes as rivers of tears starts forming on his cheeks* ... Useless man broken beyond repair since the very start! HAHAHAHAHAHA! *His laughing slowly transforms into a desperate cry as he covers his face with his left hand as he clutch the beer bottle with the right one. After a while he stops sobbing and sniffs his nose up.* ... Hell. This is Hell. Like... The one that we read in school during literature. Da... Danche? Dan... Te... Somthin'...? *He turns his head towards Annie* You get what I mean, right?

Annie: *She's sleeping while snoring loudly, leaned all the way on the bench*

(Annie fell asleep halfway through Anton's flashback. He stays silent as he looks at Annie with discouragement. He then sighed. It's not like Annie would have understood what Anton feels anyway. He thinks. He's not sure. They have never talked about nor understood feelings, they'd just humour away the pain together. But this time everything feels... Too heavy. He looks at the beer bottle he's holding, it's half full. He leans back on the bench and drinks all of it, trying to numb away the pain.)

[eorzeanflowers]

now that its been nearly a full day since the last fanfest, i'm just gonna put my thoughts on Dawntrail as a whole out.

Jobs

Viper is cool. I like the idea of another scouting class. I'm a ranged phys main so sharing jewelry with another job is a plus.

The aesthetic of Viper is really really cool. I love the swashbuckler look that the AF gear has. I cannot wait to put Marisol in something similar. The twin blades into a double blade is also very appealing. I used to play Sith Assassin and Jedi Sentinel in SWTOR and its like a marriage of the two.

So in conclusion, Viper is just cool and its gonna be a lot of fun to play. Just like how Reaper is pretty fun to play still.

BUT Pictomancer is just more exciting to me. I LOVE RELM so much. Its been forever since I played VI so I might go do that sometime.

AND THE SPELLS ARE SO CUTE. They look so fake and painterly that I just can't help but fall in love with them. The AF gear is also so cute and I cannot wait to put it on Lily.

Archie is also going to main this class (I had decided that before the reveal, when it was still in the air between green mage and pictomancer.) Its so cheesy and cute and goofy and feels like it would fit my Doctor Who-like character a lot better than the raw powerful Black Mage.

Pictomancer is just gonna be good healthy goofy fun and its the job I'm more looking forward to!

Fem Hrothgar

I'm so so so so happy that they went big and buff over cutesifying Hrothgar. Cause we know they could've and it would've not looked good at all. I'm still not the biggest fan of the dimorphism of Au Ra. (even tho I main one. ^.^;)

My biggest complaint with Fem Hrothgar is that their starter gear looks so much better than all the others. Like the wrist guards! They look sooooo good. (I also really dislike Au Ra starter gear, that doesn't help.) But you can see the new graphic update with them and just their general design feels better than the OG 5. I felt this way a little about male Viera, but I was not super likely to make a male Viera so it didn't matter to me that much.

I don't know if i'm gonna make a Fem Hrothgar... They aren't my style per say, but I'm not gonna keep that door closed. I'm not the biggest fan of more animalistic faces, but that's a personal problem.

All in all, they look fucking fantastic and I'm glad they went the route they did.

Graphic Update

It looks great and its gonna be good when we get it. I'm very glad they actually showed us dark skintones this time too. They all got such a glow up! Can't wait for the gear to follow.

Now give us more character creator options for everyone, and hats for Viera and Hrothgar!!

Tural

The areas look really pleasant, I do like the whole brand new adventure feel. Its a lot better than the feel of the start of the void quests, that kinda had the same feel but got a little dreary once in the void proper. I dunno. Even as a fan of IV the Void Arc was kinda, meh. I like Zero and Golbez as characters, but the rest was kinda whatever. The world lore was also good but eh.

The new zone designs are just breathtaking. I'm the biggest fan of the Western town and South American highland zones. They are just so different from what we have currently it will be great. Solution 9 and the cave zone (that appears to be under it) are.... really fucking cool. Its so far away from what we were expecting I just can't help but be estatic. (And I can take pics of the Linnaeas twins' home shard there. Since I headcannon it as a cyberpunky shard.)

The dungeons all look pretty neat, I like the thunder crystal mountainside the most so far.

Its gonna be a fun story I think, a nice palette cleanser from the heaviness of Endwalker.

The Arcadian

I have no idea what to expect from a raid that is taking place inside a graphics card. By name alone and the fact its in the cyberpunk area does give me good hope. :D

Vanadiel

As I haven't played XI I'm indifferent. It'll be a fun raid and I'm likely going to enjoy the fights, but its just another FF in XIV. Pretty standard tbh. It'll be fun and I'll enjoy the story but there is no anticipation for me.

Ultimate Eden

Its gonna be bonkers and I'm gonna enjoy watching the full fight once its figured out. (I'm not a savage raider lol)

Other Content

The field zone has potential. Since we know nothing else, that's all I've got. I did miss having a field zone in Endwalker tho. It was the perfect place to while away hours working on relics. (let's hope the next relic grind is as tedious as just gather tomes.)

Cosmic Exploration is going to look flashy and great, but I don't do a lot of crafting/gathering so I dunno how much I will enjoy it past its story. Its gonna just be relegated to going there once in a while like Island Sanctuary for me likely.

Deep dungeons are only fun the first time solo and ok with friends later. I've completed both PotD and HoH but my friends still haven't finished EO so....

Hildebrand is Hildebrand. Perfection in humor form.

I will likely enjoy the Variant dungeons, I've enjoyed the first 2 (haven't done the newest cause I was taking a break from the game) and I like the lore that comes with them.

I can't think of anything else really rn but those are my immediate thoughts! Its going to be fun and refreshing and I cannot wait till summer to play it. (tho we must)

[kouxbe]

SR MEDIA CALLBACK AUDITION

or: in an attempt to pass a class, kou's professor suggests he audition for a company as part of his first person research. kou somehow makes it in. cover: utada hikaru - first love

he hadn't expected a call back. honestly, kou had thought the message he received was a scam, almost immediately hitting the 'report' button - only to stop short when he realized that it was indeed official. "holy shit."

-

it wasn't like kou needed to go for the second audition. after all, he'd already submitted his paper a few days back and according to his professor, no longer needed to worry about whether he was going to horribly fail or barely pass.

still, this wasn't exactly the sort of opportunity he thought he could pass up. sure, kou might not deem himself as the most ... idol-like person out there; he's clumsy, and silly and quite honestly can barely follow a schedule, but it does intrigue him enough to follow through with the process.

"it won't hurt."

-

so it does kind of hurt. literally. kou is making his way to the sr media building, guitar in hand when he bumps into a pole on the way there. in his defense though, he'd been busy looking up the directions to the building on his phone, and had simply been distracted.

thankfully, the pole he'd hit wasn't too far from the building, and with a deep breath, he takes a step inside. alright. he thinks he's got this. maybe. or maybe he doesn't, in which case – meh. what can he do.

he arrives in a muted outfit ( thankfully, kou's closet is filled with nothing but muted outfits ), and he's never really been the type to wear makeup anyway – so he doesn't worry too much about that. he follows the staff up, and looks around the building. fancy, he thinks.

-

they take him to a room and ask him to pose. pose. what the fuck is this, korea's next top model?

kou scratches his head at first as he thinks of what to do – but the camera man mistakes that as his first pose and kou blinks in surprise when the flash goes off. oh okay, he thinks, too awkward to correct the man behind the camera.

they'd already sort of told him before hand that they would be taking pictures though, and kou had ( embarrassingly ) tried out a few simple poses in front of his mirror at home. and so he mimics just that, whatever sort of pose he'd practiced before hand, before he's brought to another room to perform.

-

"hello, my name is sato kou," he bows. "today i'll be doing an acoustic cover of utada hikaru's first love. thank you," he bows again and picks up his guitar. he tunes it for a quick moment before he clears his throat and begins.

he strums his guitar and the familiar intro begins to fill the room. quite honestly, he feels much more comfortable like this – singing in japanese, as though he's able to understand the lyrics a little better.

ashita no imagoro ni wa anata wa doko ni iru n' darou dare wo omotte 'ru n' darou ( tomorrow, at this time where will you be? who will you be thinking about? )

he sings, strumming his guitar before the chords shift to the chorus.

you are always gonna be my love itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo i'll remember to love you taught me how you are always gonna be the one ima wa mada kanashii love song atarashii uta utaeru made ( you are always gonna be my love i'll remember to love you taught me how you are always gonna be the one love song now and forever ... )

the song comes to an end and kou strums the guitar once more, before he looks at the panel. "thank you."

it should end there. it should've ended there. but things never quite go as kou plans, and instead of "goodbye" he's hit with a question.

“please reflect on your time during the next gen audition process and tell us what you would like to do differently, should you be invited to participate in a second season.”

eh, he thinks to himself, slightly surprised. next gen? the thing he'd been on months ago? that next gen?

i wouldn't participate, he wants to say. next gen – as interesting as it had been – was too troublesome for someone like kou. the thought of having to put on different performances almost every week, of dancing, of taking time away from his cats. that next gen. but as stupid as kou can be, he doesn't actually say that out loud.

"i'd be more interesting," he says instead. which probably isn't the sort of normal response one would be expecting. "i think i was pretty boring the first season – uhm, maybe that's why i didn't get a lot of interesting shots." now that he thinks back on it, kou had been pretty ... normal throughout next gen, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but his friends in school had told him that korean varieties loved a good story and interesting people. which kou admittedly, felt like he wasn't.

"oh, i don't mean like i'd cause controversies," he continues, shaking his hands. "i mean, i would've caught people's attention by taking on a character. probably a leader-like role," not that kou thinks he has it in him to be a leader, but he did once lead a group project in uni, "or have a good storyline. i would work harder on having those if i got invited the another season. i heard that the audience likes a good story and an interesting person, it gives them someone to root for."

the audition comes to an end, and kou once again, bows for what must be the umpteenth time, before he leaves the building.

-

on the way home, he receives an email with the score of his research paper.

"SATO KOU RESEARCH PAPER - 70% Comments: Interesting topic. In-depth with first-hand experience."

he's glad he won't fail the class at least.

[the-art-in-arthesia-is-loud]

Rating the 6.X Battlesuit Designs (Part 1 bc fuck image limit on Tumblr)

Just bc i can :333 (tw opinion!1!1!1!11!1! /s)

———

1. Version 6.0: Elysia - Herrscher of Human: Ego

OKAY. SO.

This.....THIS BUBBLEGUM BITCH IS THE CAUSE OF THE GODDAMN PROBLEM WITH THE COLOR PALLETTE ON THE BATTLESUITS THESE DAYS. YOU, ELYSIA. YOU'RE THE CAUSE OF THIS.

BUT. I do wanna say one thing; since she's the one who started this bullshit, it's pretty obvious the color scheme fits her. I kinda like the design, and the color scheme clashes well when it comes to her, sooooo the rating is: 8/10! Kinda solid.

2. Version 6.1: Li Sushang - Jade Knight

Ok i have to tell the truth here and say that i.....prefer her HSR design, obv. But this design is nice too, so yea. Plus! It kinda sticks with the name of the battlesuit; "Jade Knight", since there's jades in some areas of the battlesuit, which is pretty lit!

Rating is: 7/10! Once again, i prefer her HSR design, but this one is nice too.

3. Version 6.2: Ai Hyperion - Chrono Navi

Good god i do NOT like this design that much ngl. Idk why, it just doesn't scream to me well. Ugh.....

Rating is: 4.5/10. Idk what to say abt this other than the fact that i'm not a big fan of this design.

4. Version 6.3: Bronya Zaychik - Herrscher of Truth

So the truth is......this design fucking rocks. Common Bronya W <33333

Rating is: 10/10! I'm honestly just gonna rate my fav designs a 10/10 lol.

5. Version 6.4: Kiana Kaslana - Herrscher of Finality

This design is.....um. Meh.

The more i look at it the more i can tolerate it, ig, but idk.....it just doesn't sit right to me at times 😭

Rating is: 5/10. Idk anymore

6. Version 6.4: Raiden Mei - Herrscher of Origin

Oh my fucking god this design is just bad imo. The more i look at it the more confusion seeps into me. Why is it built like that. Why. Just why. Istg i don't think lighter colors like THIS clashes with Mei that well in all honesty.

Rating is: 3/10. One of my least favorites.

7. Version 6.5: Susannah Manatt - Valkryie Quicksand

Susannah, i love you as a character, but as a battlesuit? Fuck no. What the fuck is this shit.

Anything below 3/10. I couldn't find the right number to express my absolute dislike/hatred towards this battlesuit.

8. Version 6.6: Hare/Misteln Schariac - Dreamweaver

Another very eye blinding color pallette, but nonetheless this is....slightly better i guess???????? Idk lol. Her ult kinda disappoints me a lil, but eh, whatever.

Rating is: Very fucking neutral/10. Once again, couldn't find the right number to express how i feel abt this battlesuit.

9. Version 6.6: Prometheus - Terminal Aid 0017 (i think???? I forgot the name wtf </3)

Fuck yea!2!1!11!1!1!1!1 LOVE HWR LOVE THIS DESIGN PROMETHEUS SWEEP

Plus her chibi makes me lose my mind thanks to that scene in chapter 39 LMAO

Rating is: 10/10! Another favorite <33

10. Version 6.7: Shigure Kira - Sugary Starburst

KIRA‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️I LOVE THIS DESIGN DKEKDNDKFKF

Rating is: 10/10! I believe in Shigure Kira supremacy 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

[chrisevansdaughter]

HEYYY LOVEEE

HOW ARE YOU TODAYYY

HOW DID THE APPOINTMENT GO???

How are you feelinggg? Anything interestinggg??

Hey love! I’m taking it slow today not feeling too good after my rant last night (x) if you could even call it that.

My appointment unfortunately I couldn’t donate because I had my vaccines for my job last month I have to wait 4 weeks on one of them before I can give anything really annoying to be honest because no one told me and I was literally 2 days out from the month period being over. But they were really nice about it as always and I asked all the questions I needed to regardless so I’m gonna try next week.

I’m feeling a bit meh today I feel like it’s definitely gonna be a stay in my room in my environment type thing til later because I’m a bit stressed and tired and annoyed.

tw: weight talk now because I’ve been stressed and struggling a little I’ve gained weight a little bit more than I’d like it’s probably just because I missed out on meds, haven’t been to the gym as much as I’d like etc etc but since my medical i passed for my job which is the most expensive piece of paper I’ve ever bought I’ve gained well over 2 kg so I’m not saying gaining is a bad thing it just makes me feel more ‘eh’ when it’s noticeable because I was finally comfortable in my body but it is what it is for now so :).

I think i might try and write today but there is absolutely no guarantee because I only want to put out the best content in the best mind set I can, 2 of my asks are quite similar to (x) so I might write it in a different way something to do with school or change it up. Or just write a small little thing I say that I’ll write small headcannons and they turn in to full fics but it’s okay, so any ideas for small Drabble or headcannons would be appreciated but there is no guarantee they’ll be done today :)

Also any recommendations for comfort fluff fics with reader maybe not feeling too good would be appreciated 🫶🏻

[muffin-man-marq-lynch]

It's been almost 24 hours since the pre-show and I feel I'm just finally processing what we just saw? Like were my expectations just set too low for my first live PPV or was that really good for Forbidden Door?

Just off the top of my head and skipping the pre-show:

- MJF gets thrown as a warm up pleaser act for the Long Island crowd in another pleather robe and bright blue and orange gear and tries to crowd-surf.

- MJF then mugs hard with as many of his specials as possible in 10 minutes including one of Adam's finishers and an Ole Ole Kick bit outside the ring straight out of Punk vs Joe 1 & 2.

- The Robe game is so on point for Forbidden Door that Tanahashi came out in something covered in Boas that would make Cruella De Ville jelly (This isn't even touching The Day Glow Eye Robe) and we didn't even notice once Platinum Max dropped the line "I'mma kill you like you killed Okada's Career"

- Elite Hardy Brothers Kissies barely made the top three Kissies this PPV insane

- I loved Mina before this match and I knew she wouldn't win and there was no way they could make it okay is there a loophole where Mariah can just pin the victor and win because we're not allowed to actually have the secret lesbian polyamory endin- oh we are?! And we have!!

- Nigel McGuiness's level of commentary Pettiness for Bryan's match was unmatched and I am so so so glad I caught up on watching This Documentary like a day before the PPV.

- The growing disconnect between commentary and textual on-screen queerness happenings growing wider and wider until it feels deliberate and hilariously played into halfway through like a dubbed Sailor Moon joke. Watching video of Mina and Mariah make out while talking about how they're best friends and Toni is a mother to her. Nigel calling Wheeler Yuta 'Danielson's Young Boy'.

- Gonna be honest I'm not following the Zack Sabre Jr & Orange Cassidy yaoi plotline yet but 'freshly squashed' Orange Cassidy did look very sad when he got fucked hard in front of all those people, forced to safeword, then got handed his sunglasses, and told to call an Uber with no aftercare.

- Absolute tonal whiplash then (or not if you're into that, we do not kinkshame here at AEW) when Samoa Joe's twink of the season forgot his compression shorts and Hook wanders out with a prominent boner?! With some staying power, and I am reminded like three minutes in that his father is one of the commentators and not Mr 'we do not kinkshame here at AEW' so I'm sorry it's all I can think about while they're getting CAMERA angles for the big screen and his dad is talking about how his son is the least experienced of all the guys on the mat

- LADDER MATCH GOOD. Everyone in it so sexy holy shit. Mark Briscoe you feral little demon what was that jump from the chair in the ring? Titty twister. We need to keep Takeshita more often too goddamn, sign something. He should have won. Shocker at who did but eh. No surprise wins this PPV.

- Speaking of, Stephanie Vacquer? Holy shit? Uhhh can we get her vs Mina? Please? Forever?

- Jon Moxley is a puppy and he was so lost they dropped him off at the wrong door and he was wandering around trying to find the ring and say hello everyone for so long.

- When you've been intimately engaged with someone's body 63 times before it says a lot to pull out the toys (Steel Chair) less than 2 minutes into the fight.

- The kind of muted and very split approaches to Swerve vs Will made me really nervous tbh, like were these very casual fans? More New Japan people? I was very worried with Ospreay being a fan fave for so many people that even with him being set up as the heel in this fight, and given the kind of Meh response to the reigning champ who is cool as fuck (but West Coast and black and more of a brawler in his best fights) they were going to do some disrespectful shit and yank it off him like they did to Kofi Kingston to try and help ratings.

- Holy shit can I say that that fear was misplaced? That was a Hell of a fight. Great story. Swerve is SO much better at story than Ospreay and he sold that shit as well as showed off the technical chops that got him the championship but I have Never Liked Will more than after watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Swerve. His selling has always been meh to non-existent, but it was way better here, and some of that is the camera focus on Swerve yeah but the ending? And the Post-PPV clips in the ring and behind the scenes? I am EXCITED for Wednesday. BANGER fight. THAT'S MY CHAMP.

[screampied]

my weekends been okay!! i tried to go through father’s day as best as i could, it was a little hard but we did it!! stuffs been meh, i struggle to get out of bed and my coworkers were shit talking me, so i feel like shit ☹️☹️ but i’m gonna watch a movie to try snd cheer up a bit!💗

love yewwww

-🪐

that’s good to hear babe !! 🫶🏽 i understand, father’s day was hard for me too eh. we’ll get thru this tho <3 m proud of yewww. aw m sorry to hear that, coworkers can def be shitty. don’t pay them any mind, you’re amazing 🧚🏽‍♀️🧚🏽‍♀️ ooo what movie did ya watch ? hope u have fun !!! love yew 22222

[feminist-minimalist]

Hey, so....

I don't know how to put this, but abuse and neglect is bad, guys.

I mean, let's look at my life for a moment:

I don't talk to my family. I either am or used to be in two different wills. I no longer care about that and went no contact. Every interaction with them felt hollow, superficial, and like I was a fucking accessory. Anytime I was struggling it was "here, have money" with my dad. Other folks, "get over it, man up, sticks and stones my break my bones". Then made to feel bad about it when the money was all he offered.

My family don't know shit about me. And now I'm just like "meh, I'm gonna stop trying." Blood of the covenant is thicker than water in the womb it seems. Not that I'm leaving my university apartment much. I don't even have a car anymore. One day though.

Also, I am at a point where people talking about their family irks me unless we stiching and bitching (using that endearingly, sorry if that was a bit too harsh). Same with people's love lives. I am hoping EMDR makes me a lot less sensitized to every thing. I feel like an exposed nerve.

I lost my job over mentions of rapists during icebreakers and my PTSD response. Got blamed for it obviously. I mean, yeah, I didn't act perfectly, but they could have been more understanding. Like I had a right to sue and everything and just went "you know what? I want to fix this myself and I don't want a court case". Not saying they didn't do anything wrong, not saying I am a complete angel either. Just saying...it's chaos, be kind.

With Epstein, Pizzagate, The Sound of Freedom, I have to say...ya'll...

DON'T KNOW A DAMNED THING! Like, I think in this case, Urissa was kind of right. There's a lot of performative support. Not a lot of actual support. Still, doesn't make it any less true that she could have gotten help if she wanted though. I mean, I swear by my Medicaid paid, telehealth EMDR. I might even try to be a provider for it later. It feels like an antivaxxer talking to a doctor who specializes in immunology. Just shaking my head like...."that's not how...any of that works".

I also still really really really don't want to deal with in person sex or romance. I'm way too fucking scared because of Urissa's bullshit. Hire a cam model a few oceans away? Sure. But a woman that I see in person? I'm like "....." Like I really don't see anyone I meet in person as "romantic or sexual prospect". I am *way* the fuck too traumatized.

Even if I do say "well, I'm going to lose weight" I still fear the attention that I had from women growing up when I was actually able to take care of myself for a few years once my molesting brother moved to the other side of the country for college. I still think I was pretty asexual growing up because of the molestation and after Urissa it just became this thing of like "well, here's some connection and here's a way to experience sex without having sex". Don't so much agree with the shitpoor Asperger's diagnosis anymore. I may have had symptoms that shared across for PTSD and trauma. Bear in mind when I reported my CSA, the CPS laughed at me and my parents' response was either no response or "this makes me feel bad take care of me and make me feel better!" instead of you know? Protecting me?

Eh.

Am man. Must shut down emotions.

At least, that's what people want me to do. But I am a rebel it seems. A very fat, tired, broke rebel shouting with his keyboard. For now anyway.

What happened to me didn't make me a better or stronger person. It made me fearful. It made me miss out on "normal human things". It's blocked me from connecting with people properly. It made me distrustful. It made me less joyous. It made me angry. I already was a sweetheart and relatively resilient when I could actually have what I preferred. But after everything. Especially after the PTSD incident that got me fired, I just...don't know if I can always be sweet anymore. I really do have a high sensitization level for injustices. It's made me cynical.

Oh, and my childish family and Urissa kept telling me to grow up. So that's fun. Seems like I had to parent them and whenever I didn't know how to handle a situation instead of saying fuck off they just said "grow up and leave me alone with your stuff, that's your job to take care of my emotions and my adult issues!" in essence.

I don't even call Urissa an ex-girlfriend anymore because what the fuck was that shit?

I never actually dated her. I trauma bonded with her.

Guys.

What's a date? Because I don't fucking know if I did that with Urissa.

I think it was more like:

Raymond: "Hey, I see you are suffering do you want help?"

Urissa: "Yes."

Raymond: [Listens] "Oh, by the way I gotta go do some activist thing".

Urissa: Oh shit, there's gonna be girls there, let me express my "feelings" to him!

Raymond: [Shocked, but I think "this is new, let's try it. My mom's dying and I don't understand why I just don't care"]

Raymond as a 32 year old: "I should have listened to the social cues of interest at the activist event and let Urissa figure her shit out. Not that I have that drive anymore."

I don't know. I regret a lot of things regarding women that have shown interest in me, but I never thought "let's have sex!" Maybe I thought "eh, I'll try it and they're pretty and interested". But I never thought that it was "for me" you know?

Also, maybe they just were like "oh attractive, but.....eh." I didn't want to impose.

Anyway.

I don't miss my family. At all. I didn't mourn when people starting passing away or having health issues. I just thought "shit. They just..fucking. FORGOT about all the fucking trauma I went through with my brother and his best friend and my uncle. What the actual...what? I miss my Ozzie cockatiel though for sure. I miss the financial support. But the neglect? The verbal and emotional support abuse? The sexual abuse? The dismissals when I confronted them on it?

Nah.

I mean, yeah, I still feel compassion for them in a very intellectualized, cognitive way, but at the same time I'm like "on paper, you should have been a great family!"

I wanna change my name, ya'll. I really do. And I wanna move to a different, more nurturing country. But, I have some healing and desensitizing to do first.

I need a break more than anything, really. I feel like I've been in survival mode for 32 years whilst taking care of people who should have been able to take care of themselves.

[chlorophyllium]

Since I'm spending this labor day weekend alone, I decided to wear a sock packer for the funsies for the whole day. (Not really funsies, just thinking about my gender and stuff and wanted to try something for longer that I brought me a joy when I first tried it)

Maybe I didn't have it the right spot, maybe I didn't properly pack it, but the joy wore off after like ....ten minutes? And it turned into:

(Moves from chair)

"oh bulge being bulge. Adjust"

(Shrugs and moves on to housecleaning)

"Oh bulge being bulge. Eh. Adjust."

...which ngl isn't too far off from how I feel with my current genitals. Its fine, not euphoric or dsyphoric, but just more like a "oh okay. Anyways-". It was underwhelming in the way that I just accepted it and moved on doing what I was gonna do anyways.

However this does kinda tie into the thought I once had about that I wish I could be like a Mr. Potato Head; I could attach and remove whatever parts I want depending on what I am feeling that day. If its a titties and penis day, I have the titties and peen. If its a vagina only kinda day, then only that. (Or if you are me in kinder you almost always attach the gray diamond math shapes to the aviator hat to make him a bat hybrid)

These parts feel more like are accessories that in a way the dresses, hats, and boots in my closet are. Its not like my hair where if its not there, I don't feel myself and I feel wrong without it and wholeheartedly love it.

The next step is to look into diy binders and feel that out, but I'm pretty sure its going to feel underwhelming as well. (I have sports bra that flattens me a bit and I just roll with it. Its also meh)

All this to say that when exploring gender, so far its coming up to being a "woman or something that parallel?" but with optional parts. Not a man, but I don't know? adjacent? inspired?

Kinda like the Mr. Potato Head. Any combination or no parts, its still Mr. Potato Head. Whether I flatten and/or pack, bleed and/or bulge, or none, I'm still me. That me is a woman* (parts may or may not be included, sold separately)

Anyways I'm just throwing this on here in hope I can comprehend my gender beyond my kindergarten favorite toy.

[inkydoc]

a bit of a rant because it's almost midnight and i feel like shit :D

so the process is like this.

genuinely loving it, doing it almost every day, skills rapidly improving, really enjoying the process, even considering it as a side-hustle =>> eh i just don't have time for it but will hyperfocus on it quite often and still do it regularly because i love it =>> actually it's very bad for my body but i wanna continue because it's what i do, it's who i am, it's what i like doing, hyperfocus still happens sometimes =>> i gotta do it, even if i'm tired and it hurts, it's expected of me, so i will power through, mostly still liking it =>> i'm trying to still continue, but mostly because it really is expected of me, and once in a blue moon i have a good time with it so yea why not =>> i just can't get myself to do it, even though i really want to, and i don't feel whole without it, but i can't do it and that's kinda scary but maybe i don't wanna think about the implications so i just kinda stop doing it, still not admitting it to myself that something is seriously wrong =>> yea okay i can't. don't even want to tbh. like really don't want to. the thought of it makes me wanna cry because i feel overwhelmed. but it was such an integral part of my life. what do i do now. the desperate search for something else didn't yield any results. without it i feel like i'm nothing, i'm just me, useless, uninteresting. also i just can't focus like i used to so that's fun. most definitely can't do it on demand or for others like i used to either, and i can't even do it for myself, which is even worse. an absolute low point, but i heard somewhere that the most solid ground to stand on is rock bottom so why move at all. it most certainly feels like i'll never move in any direction ever again. =>> yea sometimes i get the urge to do it, but it very rarely translates into actual action. it's not an "i don't even wanna do it, not gonna do it ever again" anymore, but yea, the passion got lost somewhere and i'm afraid it will take years to get it back, if i can do it at all. i can take like five minutes of it every month or so. half the time i end up hating the result and i have cried over it more than once. the other half it's just fine. it could average out into a healthy meh, but it kinda doesn't.

i am talking about drawing of course, once again whining about losing passion and the will to go on :D but with how huge a role it played in my life and how integral it was to my identity i think it's reasonable that my brain ends up walking around the subject a lot. idk i feel like i can kinda sorta move again, and maybe even already took a small step in the right direction but it also feels like that this direction is going to take me away from drawing for good. don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, but yea, i don't think i can do more than smol doodles on the corners of work stuff, if that. it kinda saddens me if i'm being honest, and i wanna fight for it, but can't. well... at least i think i wanna fight for it. don't know if i'm being honest. like i said, the urge is there sometimes, like i look at cool art and a small part of me stirs, tries to move towards a pencil, but that part doesn't have any energy left. she is buried under so much weight and memories and feelings that it hurts when she moves, and it feels like it's best if she doesn't do that at all. and i don't have the energy and the strength to help dig her out from under the thorns. it might sound selfish, but i simply cannot deal with hurting anymore than i already do.

i cannot face this. i just can't.