#just tried it all on to see rn its not until the weekend

[stonerzelda]

ren faireeee 🔥

[romana-after-dark]

Don't You Worry Your Pretty Little Mind

DBF!Joel Miller x Fem!reader

Sugar Daddy Joel, No outbreak

Masterlist : Taglist

Summary: You need money for next semester. Luckily, your dad's rich friend's eyes follow you were ever you go, and he thinks you're such a good girl.

Warning: DUB CON VIA BRAINWASHING AND MANIPULATION: The sex is v consentual, the breeding is worn down. Breeding kink, age gap (30 ish years), Joel's obsession with gender rolls. The gender rolls and sentiments expressed by Joel and eventually reader are not mine. You do not need to be a mother or wife or care for children to be a good girl. Joel is controlling and manipulates reader away from friends and keeps her financially in the blind but he does not hurt her. If you like this and are okay with DARK DARK DARK you might like The Wrong Way on my masterlist bc Joel housewifes little one up. Cream pie, fingering, oral, but its not super smutty. Most is implied.

Immersability: Joel can pick up reader, reader can have kids theoretically.

This born of me being under extream stress rn and wanting all my thoughts out of my head.

*******************************

Joel was broad, sweaty, and all consuming over you.

His thrusts were growing erratic, sloppy, but that was okay; he’d made you cum 4 times already, so it was his turn. You had no idea how someone his age had so much stamina while you got winded walking up a flight of stairs, but were too tired to think much further on it. As it was, you were falling asleep as his rhythmic thrust rocked you. It wasn’t that you were bored, it was that you were completely and totally wrecked. Spent. Fucked to sleep.

“Please baby, please? I need to cum inside you, need to make you mine.”

“I am yours.” You insisted quietly, fucked out head unable to stay up and nodding to the side. You needed sleep. 

Joel continues to grunt, to plead with you. “Not yet, not until you’re stuffed full of my cum, not until your belly swells with my baby…”

*

It was supposed to be one time. You were so, so close to having enough money for another semester of college… but not enough. You’d been late on payments so often your school required it upfront for you now, and you were just short.

“Hey hun, you alright?” Joel let himself into your family’s home. He had a key right now, with your parents vacationing in Europe the last couple months and gave Joel a key to watch over things. To watch over you. 

You check yourself in the mirror once again, everything needed to be perfect, so you shout down the hall.  “One moment, sorry!”

“Take your time, darl’n.”

Re-apply lipstick. Wait, no, too much lipstick. It’s too try hard, take some off. Fuck you smugged it! Touch out your cover up, then the lipstick again. FUCK ITS TOO MUCH! Oh fucking well, your were whoring yourself out, might as well look like one. Straighten your dress. Tits out.

You tried to act casual. It wasn’t unusual to see you dressed up for dinner, your parents were big on dressing for dinner especially when guests were over, and Joel had been a friend guest. Him and your dad were close friends ever since your dad represented Joel in his divorce, getting him full custody of Sarah. It ended up being pointless anyway, as his ex-wife stopped taking Sarah for her weekends a year into the divorce. Sarah had been just a pawn for her, but Joel loved her, taking care of everything she needed for college. His business had taken off, moving from not only construction to full on housing and property developments, so he had paid for her college and was paying for her dream wedding as well. You were invited, although you’d only met her a few times. Your parents, despite their success, had no interest in helping you with college when you rejected pre-law in favor of early childhood development, so you’d been paying your own way.

Joel had defended your life choices when your dad attempted to publicly embarrass you, your dad stating that you ‘don’t fucking listen’ and were an ungratful, disobidiant brat at a dinner party, but Joel wouldn’t hear it. He said you were ‘a good girl’, and that it was a beautiful thing to see a woman who cares about children, still in this world. He praised your efforts and your determination.

“Thank you for coming, Joel.”

Joel stands as you enter the room. “Of course, a pretty girl invites me to dinner, how could I say no? Everything's alright here, no one’s giving you any trouble are they?”

“Yes, everything is good, thank you.”

“Anything need fixing while I’m here?”

“No, thank you. Come on, diners ready.”

You lead him to the kitchen, and you don’t miss the way his eyes trail down as you pass. This is what you were counting on.

Joel was quick to praise your food, not holding back on compliments. “This is delicious, sweetheart, you really got a skill here.” and “You’ll make some man very happy one day.”

That last one made you swell with pride. You were happy he thought of you as wife material. What you were about to do wasn’t very “good girl” of you, however. Joel always called you a good girl, while your dad thought for sure you were taking an ‘easier’ major to allow more time for partying. You wanted Joel to think you were good. 

After dinner, you and Joel sat down with coffee and a cherry crumble, smoothing your dress over the couch. Conversation was light, easy. It was always easy with Joel, despite him making you nervous. He was just so fucking handsome, so fucking strong, and the way he talked about sarah with a twinkle in his eye… you know he was a good dad, a loving dad. The few times you met Sarah, Joel always took care of her even in adulthood. He gave her gas money she never asked for, told her she looked beautiful, and his face always beamed with pride when he looked at his daughter. He always hugged her goodbye, even if he’d see her tomorrow. Your father hadn’t hugged you in years.

“Is there a reason you brought me here tonight?” Joel asked, sipping his black coffee with a bit of splenda in it, a splash of the dark liquid remaining on his mustache until he dabbed it away.

You squirm a bit in your seat. “Well, yes, actually. Not that I don’t enjoy your company!” Was your fast addendum.

Joel chuckled, smiling into his mug. “Don’t worry sweetheart, I ain’t one of those old men that have delusions of pretty young girls wanting to spend time with them.”

“That’s not it!” You stand quickly, fluttering over to where he sat on the couch and plopping down. “I swear, Mr. Miller, if you say no, I’d want you to stay and finish dessert, I enjoy spending time with you, just as we are.”

*

Joel was struggling more and more to stave off his orgasm, but he needed this. He couldn’t just cum in you, although you wouldn’t resist and he doubted you’d throw a fit. He had you too wrapped around his finger by now. Young, sweet, naive thing that you were… but Joel needed you to want this too, Joel needed a life with you at his side, his pretty wife, mother of his children… starting tonight.

“Joel, nooooo…” You mutter, tired and worn out. He made sure to get you like this; compliant. “I have to finish school, Joel…” 

*

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. Just tell me what you need, I’m sure we can work something out.”

You wring your hands in your lap, suddenly aware of your proximity to him. He smelled like leather and sandalwood. 

“Well, as you know I’m in school…”

He nodded, setting down his drink. “That’s right, Early Childhood isn’t it?”

That made you light up, turning to actually look at him and finding his kind eyes on you. “Yes! I can’t believe you remembered!”

“I remember your dad ranting about it. I told him he shouldn’t have been surprised, good girl like you, wanting to take care of children.”

You nod quickly. “Yes exactly! My school offers a minor in special needs which I added too.” You were happy with his approval of your choice and added that fact on to make you seem more noble. This was a good cause he was investing in. You were a good girl who wanted to help children.

“My oh my, darl’n…” Joel mused. “You really are a sweetheart, aren’t you? Now, what can I do to aid such a valiant effort.”

“Well, school starts this month and I’m close, I’m so, so close to having enough but even with the overtime, it’d looking like I’ll be short about $500 for tuition, and then there’s books and supplies and-”

“Now wait a minute, little lady.” Joel held up a hand, and for a moment you’re disheartened and think he’s about to reject your ask before it’s even out, but his furrowed brow is for another reason. “Your daddy ain’t help’n you pay for school?”

“No sir… not since I refused to go to pre-law.”

“Well that ain’t right… I know how much he makes, he can pay for a few months in Europe but not your school? Fathers are supposed to take care of their daughters.” He looked genuinely disappointed.

Shrugging, you chuckle nervously. “Well, I suppose he doesn’t think it’s very useful, so he doesn’t want to pay for it.”

* 

“You graduate before the second semester.”

“But my dad”

“I’ll handle your dad”

“What about Sarah?”

“I’ll handle Sarah.”

“But the money-”

Joel stopped, mid trust, his cock buried inside you and trying his best to stave off his orgasm. 

“Sweetheart… Don’t you know I want to marry you?”

*

Joel had known Mike wasn’t the most attentive father, but he never thought it was this bad. He always thought you were a good girl, kind hearted and calm, empathetic and caring. It had only been this last year that he’d begun to see you as something more, something seductive, yes, someone who he thought about fisting his cock at those lonely nights, but, that wasn’t the full picture either. You were a caretaker… Maternal. 

“That’s fuck’n stupid.” Joel countered, bluntly. “Take’n care of children, that’s the most important job on earth, why, your daddy should but thrilled to have such a nurturing daughter!” His voice was raised just a bit, but not at you. Didn’t your dad see what a prize he had? A woman like that, well, you were of high value. You were a treasure. His bitch of an ex wife never really wanted to be a mother, he knew that now, just like his mother. They had Sarah because that’s what you did when you were married in the 90’s. Joel fell in love immediately… she never really attached, and much like his mother wasn’t mentally present on the rare occasion she was physically… Well, his ex-wife lasted longer than his mother did, anyway. You would never leave your child like that. You would never leave him like that. “Whadya need, sweetheart.”

Your fidgeting continues. “Well… $1000… but… It’s not a loan, I was hoping to… to sell you something.”

Interesting… you had his complete attention, whatever you needed, it was yours. $1000 was nothing, and he’d much sure such a good girl had everything she needed… you deserved it. 

“Whatever it it, darling girl, I’ll buy.”

He saw you taking a deep breath, hesitating at first before standing up and walking in front of him. You looked stunning in your red dress, an absolute marvel.

With a deep breath and hands folded in front of you., you answered what you were selling.

“Me.”

*

“W-what?” You were suddenly awake again, snapping back to reality at his words. “No, no Joel you’re just saying that…”

Joel shook his head. “I wouldn’t like about that, baby. C’mon, you gotta know how badly I want to marry you. You're my good girl. We’d be so happy together, just you and me…” A large, splaying hand on your bare belly. “And our baby…”

*

Joel stands up, walking over to you and towering his body over yours. “Sweetheart, do you know what you're asking?”

You look up at him and nod. “I do, Joel. Please know I understand what I’m doing.”

He shakes his head. “No, darling girl I’ll just give you the $1000, you don’t have to-”

“I want to.” You eyes shined at him, timid but attempting to look sure. “I can’t just take a hand out.”

“You can-” He reached for his wallet, but you grab his hands.

“I can’t. Joel…” You slide up to him, pressing your body too his. “I’ve seen the way you look at me… I look at you like that too.”

Reaching a hand up, Joel cups your face. “Baby…” He groans, erection growing in his pants already at the thought. “I don’t think I can do this just once… you gotta know that, don’t you? Special girl like yourself…” His eyes darted to your lips, cherry red and beautiful and oh-so inviting. 

You look down at his shirt as you behind to feel up his chest. Firm muscles of hard work under the softness of age. “Well, maybe… since my dad won’t help me…” You wriggle your pelvis against his, taunting him before looking up at his brown eyes again.  “We can come up with an arrangement?”

Joel was holding on by a thread. “Yeah? You gonna let me take care of you?” His thumb on your face spreads to your mouth, and when it prods are your lips, you open eagerly. Keeping eye contact with his brown orbs gone black, your nod and suck, the message clear. Yes sir.

“Fuck…” Joel mumbles his mouth encasing yours in a harsh, hard kiss and scooping you up with ease, only to lay you down on the couch. Your red dress splays and russles as he does, bending your knees so it slides down to your hips. When you make an attempt to remove the dress, rough hands stop you. “Keep the dress on.”

Your black tights, however, were ripped open to reveal white lacy underwear. “Uh fuuuuck..;. So beautiful…” He marvels at your pussy, so perfectly groomed for him. Falling to his knees on the floor, Joel mouths over the clothed core, his breath adding to the heat as he explored you. 

“You don’t have to-”

“I know damn well I don’t.” Joel snaps. “I don’t want to, sweetheart, I need to.”

With that, Joel ripped off your underwear with two hands and dived into you. He couldn’t help but palm himself over his pants as he did. You just tasted too good, and he was a starved man.

*

His thrusts continued, but with a different rhythm this time. Eyes sharply on yours, he drew back slowly but thrusting in hard. Slowly, hard. Less slow, more harder. Less slow… you were going to come again, eyes never leaving his for a moment. 

“Everything you ever need, everything you ever want, I’ll take care of. I’ll provide for you, I’ll love you, protect you, I’ll care for you… only thing you ever need to do is take care of me and this baby, okay? That’s it.”

You were dizzy, you were worn, you were on the precipice of climax and you were in love.

“Okay.”

His eyes light up, a smile spreading on his face. “Yeah, baby? You lett’n me fill you up?”

Joel knew you were ovulating. Of course he did. Joel tracked your periods to make sure he always knew what you needed. Heating pads, tea for bloating, pads and tampons and cups. He said he wanted to know so that he could take care of you emotionally.

Of course he knew when you were ovulating.

*

The next two hours were a blur of bliss, Joel taking care of all your needs, physical, sexual, even emotional.

At the end, a $2000 check was written in your name and a tender kiss on the head as he parted as well as plans between you to for next time.

For the next several months, ‘next time’ became more and more frequent, more and more demanding but a higher and higher price. Joel began to take care of it all. Your apartment, your food, every single need or want was handled by Joel, and in return every free moment was spent with him. You didn’t desire to see your friends. They just wanted to party. But you, you were serious about your passions. You were serious about helping people. Joel may have mentioned it once or twice when your grades were getting worse, suggesting instead of studying with them, you study at his place. He’d keep you on track. Quickly, your grades improved, and you began studying with Joel more and more. You eventually just stayed with him. 

It was like a dream, you had everything you needed, including Joel who whispered his love to you every chance he had. Joel took care of you in the way your father never did, Joel filled those gaps he left.

Joel took away every in convenience. He told you when your friends weren’t good for you, he cooked for you on late nights, he even began making appointments and getting your car fixed. Your parents were none the wiser, but you began to care less what they thought. Only Joel mattered, and the children. Joel took away every worry for you, and all you had to think about was making him happy, and what to do with your upcoming degree. 

*

“Yes Joel.” You whine, desperate to please him, desperate to remain his everything as he is yours. “Wanna be your wife, wanna have your babies, please?”

“Oh fuck,” He panted, holding on by a thread as his brows pursed together. “Gonna fuck you full, little mama.”

Your orgasm hits you, crashing waves causing you to cry out in a rigid scream. “Joel!!!” Your fingers claw bloody on his back. “Make me a mommy, please?”

“Ohhhhh, fuck yeah baby, good fucking girl, gonna put my baby in you, yes, yes yes, FUCK YES!” Joel growled and  unloaded into you, painting your inside in his cum and filling you to the brim before collapsing onto you. Heavy and overbearing, Joel consumed your body and every thought in your head and soon, your body and entire life will make room for him. 

Your mind reeled, the reality of what just happened setting in. At 22, you were at peak fertility… were you pregnant?

“Joel?” You ask, still clinging to him desperately. 

“I know exactly what you’re worried about, and what do I always tell you?”

You smell his neck, reassuring yourself with his mantra. “Don’t you worry your pretty little mind…” Joel always told you not to worry about a thing. He’d take care of it all, he’d take care of you…

 “That’s right, sweetheart. I know you’re worried about what I said…” Joel’s body pulls away just a bit, tucking his forehead to yours. “I’m gonna marry you, baby girl. I’m gonna take care of you and this baby. If you’re pregnant, if you really are my good girl, I’ll marry you.” Sitting back, Joel watches his cock slide out of you with a ‘pop’ and laments the cum seeping out of you. As he pushes it back in, Joel brings you to orgasm yet again.

*

You were, in fact, pregnant. As your belly swelled, Joel became more and more obsessed with you, constantly caressing your belly. You graduated college of course, as you dreamed, but finding a job… it wasn’t really on your raidar There wasn’t really a need. Joel handled it all, and he said he didn’t want you dealing with that stress right now. And who would hire a heavily pregnant woman?

Joel and you married in an intimate ceremony at the 4th month mark in a small baptist church. It was your parents, a few family members of yours and a friend who two who Joel thought were good influences and Sarah and Tommy were there of course. Joel promised you a big, fancy vowel renewal whenever you wanted, but a wedding like that takes time to plan, and you both wanted to me married when you had your baby.

Joel made you happier than you ever thought possible, he took care of everything. Of course, he controlled everything too, but that was okay. You didn’t need a bank app on your phone, all you needed to know was that your debit card would go through, and you knew it would. You didn’t need the routing and account number, you didn’t need to see finances, look at insurance plans, stocks, bills, anything like that. All you needed to do was take care of your body, and soon, this baby. 

“I gotta admit Joel, I wasn’t really a fan of this  at the start.” Your dad announces one Sunday dinner. He had invited Tommy and Sarah over as well. Extended family. Both had been hesitant at first, especially Sarah, who was a few years older than you… but they saw how you made her dad smile, and how Joel took care of you… how could they not be happy?

“I remember” Joel jokes back.

Your dad continued. “But I gotta say, this has been good for her.”

They tended to talk about you like you weren’t in the room, sometimes, but that was okay. You were Joel’s pretty, obedient wife, and you spoke when spoken too. You were there to support Joel, not meddle in his conversations.

Joel turned to you and smiled, kissing you on the cheek and feeling your 9 month swollen belly. “She’s come a long way, but she’s a good girl, obedient. Best wife I could ask for.”

Joel spoke for you, proudly telling them how after the baby was born and you’d recovered, you had plans to put your degree to use. Not work, oh gosh no! You don't need to worry about something like that. No, you’d be volunteering at a nonprofit. And isn’t that so much better!

You wouldn’t have to have another worry in your head again, outside of being a good mother. Your could give a few hours a week to children in need and then come home to a living family without being exhausted from long days on your feet.

Everything would be taken care of.

Everything would be handled.

All you had to do was be a good girl.

************

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

I hope you guys enjoyed!!!

I am so stressed rn ive been crying for days about work stuff. I dont want to work I want to volunteer and take care of children in need and have a hot husband fuck me and and and and ANYWAY

PLease consider reblogging, it's the only way to spread fics!

I love you all, thank you to everyone whose been raching out to me

@fandxmslxt69 @moriartyyouwhore @hereforthepedrofanfic @alwaysmicado @noisynightmarepoetry @morallyinept @kyloispunk @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @princesslunablogger

[lovelytsunoda]

life in the fast lane // miles teller

summary: the life and times of trailblazing indycar driver y/n y/l/n, and her celebrity husband, miles teller. in the weeks leading up to the indy 500, the pair have a very special announcement that will alter lives forever.

pairing: miles teller x andretti driver! reader

author's note: its hard to write an smau about a man with no public instagram account lemme tell you that real quick-

y/ny/l/nteller just posted!

indianapolis, indiana.

liked by josefnewgarden, monicabarbaro, valkilmerofficial and 4,578 others

y/n/y/l/nteller indiana never felt like home to me until i had you on the open road.

indy tests start monday, and we are officially one month out from the five-hundred. let's do this, indiana!

see all comments

valkilmer you got this kiddo! we're all rooting for you!

-> ynylnteller 🥺🫶🏻 love ya Val!

kyle_kirkwood i have known your husband for four years now and he still looks awkward in every single photo that gets taken of him at the track. how does he do it?

user babe come home, the children miss you?

-> y/n/yl/nteller miles and i don't have any kids (yet)

ashleynewgarden shocked we got through that dinner without josef and miles singing beyoncé at the karaoke bar

-> josefnewgarden that happened ONCE. I wish miles had social media so he could help me defend these accusations

-> y/n/y/l/nteller take it up with the hubby, not me

user does she look like she’s out on a bit of weight?

-> user it’s probably muscle lmao she’s an athlete bud

patriciooward most photogenic couple in the paddock!

monicbarbaro booking my flights rn

-> ynylnteller girls weekend here we come!

y/ny/l/nteller just updated her story!

ynylnteller just posted!

liked by reesewitherspoon, coltonherta, glenpowell and 5,145 others

ynylnteller god I’m going to miss all of this

*this caption was deleted*

ynylnteller days like these 🫶🏻

see all comment

user did anyone see the original caption?!? where is my girl going!

stingrayrobb thanks for making my nieces day so special! she looks up to you so much and she spent all day talking about how awesome you were. thank you and god bless!

-> ynylnteller your niece was an angel, it was my pleasure!

coltonherta your straight line speed this morning was absolutely incredible. are we thinking an andretti 1-2 is in the cards this weekend?

-> ynylnteller absolutley! let’s get it!

glenpowell everyone is talking about straight line speed and I’m just amazed that you can balance on the tires like that-

-> ynylnteller it took five years of practice to be this good glenn

ynylnteller just posted!

liked by monicabarbaro, katherineracing, scottdixon and 4,653 others

ynylnteller as much as it pains me to say it, the todays Indy 500 will be the end of my 2024 season. while I’m upset that this season is coming to an end prematurely, I am also beyond excited. if the pictures above didn’t give it completely away (and my husband was able to keep his mouth shut all weekend), I am beyond overjoyed to announce that miles and I are having a baby! we tried to keep it under wraps for as long as we could, but as of the next race, baby teller would be too big for me to race without hurting them or myself,

while I won’t be on the track itself for the rest of the season, I couldn’t give this place up if I tried. Instead, my car will be driven by the amazing callum_ilott and I will be joining my bestie jameshinchcliffe in the commentary box.

when I was little, I only had one dream: to be a race car driver. but as I got older that dream began to change, and I realized all of that meant nothing if I didn’t have anybody to share it with. I wanted a family.

We are so excited for this new chapter in our lives.

Lots of love,

Miles and YN Teller xx

see all comments

scottdixon I’m so happy for you, darling! that baby is going to be so loved and so cherished. please pass my congratulations on to miles as well!

-> ynylnteller none of this would have been possible without you, so you’re the real hero here!

user mother is going to be a real mother now!

valkilmer congratulations yn! if you and miles ever need anything at all, you know where to find me (or mercedes and jack)

-> ynylnteller thank you val!! ❤️

glenpowell I am going to be the best godfather this kid has ever had

-> ynylnteller first of all who said you were the godfather?

-> coltonherta yeah it’s gonna be me actually

-> ynylnteller actually it’s going to be neither of you

-> coltonherta but why? I’m already a great uncle?

-> glenpowell yeah so am I!

-> ynylnteller everybody be quiet or we’re making Val the godfather -Miles

-> coltonherta you’d pick the old man over us?!?

-> ynylnteller he *is* less annoying

ashleynewgarden so pleased for you both! this will be your next great adventure! kota is looking forward to having another little buddy to hang out with 🫶🏻

callum_ilott I promise to take good care of the car! rest up and relax over the next nine months, god knows you might never sleep again

user miles is becoming a dilf!!! miles teller is becoming a dilf!!!

TAGS:

@magnummagnussen @libraryofloveletters @cartierre @lorarri @diorcharles @httpiastri @sidcrosbyspuck @thatsdemko @userlando

[charlewiss-writes]

better on you / charles leclerc

masterlist

day 1: hoodie (part of one-word november prompts!)

summary: why seeing you wearing his clothes made his heart race like that? why you couldn't stop smiling after realising it smelled like him?

pairing: charles leclerc x reader

word count: 968 words

warning: poorly proofreaded (? don't know if this classifies as a warning but there's mentions of platonic!mick and pierre too

author's note: so unfortunately i have my main @charlewiss shadowbanned rn:( so I'll be posting everything here until it goes back to normal.

you two were friends. at least that's what you used to say to everybody that asked. your best friend mick, his best friend pierre. even his family. and you weren't lying: you two were friends. if you wanted to be more, well, that was another topic to discuss.

it had happened slowly, and as cliché as it sounded, you didn't realise until it was too late. hell, you had tried to deny it every single chance that you got, thinking that, maybe, if you refused it every time someone asked, it would go away. but it didn't.

at first, you didn't think anything different of it. you knew charles since you two were kids, and knew that he was naturally a very attentive person: always sending good morning and good night texts, asking for your family every chance he got, and talking nonstop to you throughout the day, even when his schedule didn't always match with yours. still, pierre was sure that his friend wouldn't go the extra mile like he did with you. and mick saw how the monegasque looked at you, and specially how he looked at him when you got too close for his liking. the german boy was sure that there was something between you two, even if you two didn't see it yet.

like every weekend off he had during the season, you two would meet at a local café in monaco were you used to spend your evenings when you had some homework to do for school. now, it was just a ritual you liked to keep, to maintain some sense of normalcy. to think that the charles in front of you was the same little boy who you used to know back then. but it wasn't like he had changed. he just grew into the man that he was always meant to be. just a little older, skin thicker after what he had to endure at such a young age: loss, defeat, pain. charles carried himself like he was older, wiser than any guy his age.

still, when you meet its like time hasn't passed for you two. you're sure the laughs you share are pissing the other clients on the shop, but you don't care. you two laughed like old times, telling funny little stories and catching up on what you've been missing, since it wasn't usual for you to go to his races.you two spent the entire day together, but even then, it all fell short. even if you spent a whole week together it would seem short. only a lifetime next to him would suffice. and even then, if you had forever guaranteed, you would still need more of charles. how could you ever get enough?

fuck, you were down bad. and still, you didn't even realize it. or didn't want to face it.

when the owner of the shop had told you sweetly that the shop was about to close, you payed the tab and, without a single question, began walking to your home that was just s couple blocks away. the weather was nice when you two met earlier, but now the wind had picked up, making your arm fill with goosebumps.

"hey, you're cold?" he started taking off his hoodie, wrapping it over your figure. it was still warm thanks to his body heat, and you could smell his perfume on it. why were you suddenly flustered? "didn't realize it would be this cold" you chuckled, and took his hoodie from your back to put it on properly.

you two continued walking and talking about every single thing that crossed your mind. except one.

he wouldn't dare say it to you, but he was absolutely amazed at the way his hoodie looked on you. it was huge, considering he was certainly taller and bigger. charles couldn't hide the smile and sparkle on his eyes, even though he had started avoiding your gaze to try to not get caught. he realized something had changed inside him. it was like something dormant had awakened.

all the sleepless nights talking, even when he should've been asleep. all the times he had talked to pierre about you. all the resentment he has built toward mick, even though he didn't deserve it, just because he was the one making you laugh. all the anger he had towards him, cause he was too coward to do anything about his feelings, being scared that you would reject him. he knew he didn't want to fuck it up. after all, you two were the closest friends, meaning that your family was close too, and he didn't want to mess it up just because he wanted to follow the lead his stupid heart dictated.

too engulfed in his own thoughts, and at the same time, on your conversation, that he hadn't noticed that you had already arrived to your destination. fuck, if he would've noticed he would've walked slowly. just to get a couple more minutes with you. a triple header was coming, meaning that you would see eachother for nearly a month. these were the hardest parts of the season for you both, even if you hadn't mentioned it to one another.

"this is yours" your voice brought him back to reality, grounding him. you extended your arm, intending to give back the piece of clothing you desperately wanted to keep. it had made you feel closer to him, even though he was by your side the whole walk home.

"no, no, keep it on. it looks better on you anyways" said charles, smiling now. he got closer to you, so he could give you a big hug that lingered for a bit too long, and left you feeling more warm and fuzzy that hoodie could ever give you.

[deathbxnny]

YQ's Mother Requestor Anon here! I see the calling of angst so I am here to give! Can I request Mother!Reader and Baby Lai getting attacked with Reader almost dying bc they tried to protect our beloved baby but somehow survived, just in a coma? Yanqing managed to save them by unaliving the attackers like a madman [then Jing Yuan gets flashbacks about Jingliu's rampage on him] and only regains his humanity bc of his sister, then they run to a hospital!

Reader still lives (bc its fun to watch them slowly be traumatized) and heals, both physically and somewhat mentally!

-----♡

A/N: Hey there! Thank you for this great idea and sorry it took 50000 years for me to get to it. Life genuinely hates me lately and I've been extremely busy even on the weekends rn, so yeah... forgive me.

Content: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, murder, mentions of murder, injuries, child endangerment, violence, near death, good ending

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

You just wanted to take a quick walk around the Luofu with your baby, as you haven't been able to move around much after her birth. You smiled gently down at her, your hands keeping her close under your cloak, a soft hum of a tune leaving your lips, when you looked out into the distance. The sun was starting to set, bathing the world in a warm, orange hue. It was peaceful... until it wasn't.

In an instant, you were suddenly attacked by some Mara-struck soldiers, your body scrambling backwards, as you tightly clutched onto your baby. You had accidentally wandered out of the safe zones, completely distracted by the beauty of the area to really notice where you were going. You should've been more careful and yet, it was too late to regret everything now, when a next attack came swinging at the direction of your child.

You quickly turned away, taking the hit fully, your body skidding across the floor violently. But you still made sure that your child wasn't injured, even when she began to cry. Your head hit the ground, disorienting you, as the injury began to bleed. And whilst you were struggling to lift your head, your hands still so desperately holding your baby close to you, familiar swords suddenly appeared in your blurry vision. You could barely hear anything anymore, but when you saw the rough outline of your son, you let out a relieved sigh and just finally passed out, knowing that you and your baby were saved.

The enemies however stood no chance against Yanqing's wrath, as he practically ripped them all apart, even ditching his swords at one point. He was angry, beyond enraged. The thought of someone hurting his mother and little sibling was making him delirious and it took 5 cloud knights and eventually Jing Yuan to drag him off of whatever was left of the attackers. Jing Yuan was irked by how familiar the sight was, a memory of a distant, dark past flashing through his mind, before he quickly forgot it at the soft cries of his infant child.

It also calmed down Yanqing, who slumped in the cloud knights hold and finally just concluded that he had gotten his revenge, before he allowed himself to be taken away. You were brought to a hospital quickly after as well, having taken the brunt of all attacks, which left you quite injured. But the mental scars were arguably worse. It took you a while to be able to go outside again, the paranoia over something like that happening once more being always on the forefront of your mind. Your child also never left your eye sight, as you kept her in arms reach at all times.

Jing Yuan and Yanqing supported you greatly through your recovery journey, making you heal in no time again, for the most part. The scars and fears would always stay... even if they just lingered now in the back of your mind.

-----♡

A/N: God... I'm so sorry again for how long this took. I hope it's somewhat okay and that you can forgive me lmao-

[leclerced]

rehearsal crush + jelly = broken up

angst please ?

landoscar whose gf breaks up with them because she can’t handle the distance and they kinda are just like sick about it but oscar’s “if it’s meant to be it’ll be” attitude takes over lando too so they just don’t do anything about it and let her leave and it makes her even more upset that they didn’t TRY and fight for her

but happy ending

-🪼🪼🪼

jelly im so sorry ): if u wanna talk about it or rant, feel free to dm me 🫶🏻 im here for u if u need anything. i did Not Know how to end this im so sorry sjdkdmd im at work rn i hope this helps in some way ):

the only time it feels like she’s in a relationship is when they come to town between races. when they leave, she has to go back to real life and missing them. she hides it well, puts a smile on her face while she kisses them goodbye, then breaks down once they've walked out the door. there’s a weight on her chest that is only lifted when they’re around. they’ve never told her they feel the same, she thinks it’s because they still have each other so it’s not as bad. it makes her feel like she can’t tell them how badly she misses them, how crushing it is to see them go and know it’ll be a month until she sees them again.

she’s always been a physical person, she craves their touch more than anything. she misses the forehead kisses, having someone to hold hands with, a kiss and goodbye, i love you's when she's leaving for work. she wants to walk into a room and be able to crawl into her boyfriend's lap. to lay on oscar while she's binging her favorite shows. go on hikes with lando. it’s worse missing both of them. she misses waking up because oscar’s laying on top of her and lando’s asleep but still trying to pull her closer to him while oscar holds her in place underneath him, only to grumble and roll over so he’s on top of her too. she’d complain about the weight and the heat, but its so rare that she savors it. forces herself to stay awake as long as possible to relish in the feeling of them surrounding her. most of the time, she wakes up because she's cold and alone.

she feels pathetic when she gets jealous watching streams, she's envious of the press and drivers who see them every day. random people get to talk to her boyfriends more than she does. she's jealous of them every time they send her photos and videos together, whether it’s an innocent selfie or something meant to be watched alone and with headphones. she hates that it feels like she’s a girlfriend for one weekend a month and the rest of it, they’re boyfriends and she's someone they send a couple of texts to.

she starts thinking about breaking up when one of her friends gives her a hug and she breaks down because her shampoo smells like oscar’s and she wishes she could hug him. it's almost like hugging oscar, except she can't tuck her face into his neck and lean into him, his hands aren't pulling her closer, rubbing her back or petting her hair. there's no soft sigh as he rests his cheek on her head and no kiss on the top of her head when she pulls away. it feels like she's already been broken up with. like all the things she's missing, she's never going to experience again.

she tries to think about how it could work out. how they could see each other more. maybe they could all live together, and then there’d be less travel. if when they went home between races, she was home. she thinks about it, if she could pick up here life and move it. could she find another job in her field? what about her friends and family, here at home? would monaco feel like home when her boyfriends still aren't there most of the year? she'd lose what support system she has, have to build a new one. she would have to give up everything just to see them a few more times a year. she hasn't even been dating them for that long, not long enough to make plans for the future. they've been doing things a month at a time, planning dates where they can. she fell hard and fast, too fast now that she thinks about it. she shouldn't be contemplating flipping her life upside down just because of a boyfriend or two.

she doesn’t want to keep feeling like she’s drowning without them. she thinks she’ll get over them faster than she’ll be okay with missing them all the time. that in a few months, she could be over them and seeing someone new. someone who lives in her city, so she can see them regularly. have someone to text when she's lonely and have them come over and hold her. sure, it’s fun when they’re on break, and can spend all of their free time with her. when she can take off work to go on vacation with them. but it’s not so fun when she’s spending every night wishing they were back in bed with her, counting down the days until they would be. it takes her a week to draft the text in her notes. editing it every day, sending it to her closest friends to check.

i'm really sorry, but i can't do this anymore. the distance is too much, it doesn't feel like i'm in a relationship when you're always across the world on a different time zone. i can count the words we've spoken this week, and it's not even like, real talking. we had a few texts. good morning, good night, i love you. i need more than that. i shouldn't be doing this over text, i know, and i'm sorry for that, but there's no other way to do it. it's easier this way.

she tried adding more, explaining why, the hurt she feels. how she's thrown up from missing them, cried herself to sleep, she couldn't put it into words without feeling like she was trying to hurt them. she reads it back to herself and imagines oscar or lando sending her the same text and nearly throws up. deletes all the rough bits so they won't imagine her keeling over the toilet every morning, crying to her friends, crying alone in bed clutching a hoodie lando left behind. it feels unemotional after that. she can't even type out the words, to say i'm breaking up with you. to say goodbye.

lando sees the text first. he always reaches for his phone first thing in the morning, their groupchat is almost always still open when he unlocks it. he always sends a sweet message for their girl to wake up to or see the next time she checks her phone, if she's up already. this time, there's a text waiting. his hands start shaking instantly, he forgets how to breathe, everything hurts in a way he didn't know it could.

she sent it in the groupchat, an hour after their goodnight, i love you's. he shakes oscar awake after reading it two or three times, not believing the words are real until he's closed the app and reopened it only to see it's still there. he doesn't know what to do, what to think, what to say. it's been hours since she sent the text. it feels too late to respond, like it's done. oscar's confused and disoriented, he's never woken up like this before. lando's shaking him and crying and blubbering at him when he starts regaining consciousness. he thinks someone died. he can't understand lando's gasping, "she- fuck, oscar- i don't know what to do- oscar- what do we do?" he's acting like oscar should already know what he's talking about.

he sits up and grabs lando's cheeks in his hands, "breathe. calm down. what are you going on about?" a phone is pressed into his chest, a corner of it hits his sternum and he winces as he drops a hand to take it. it's lando's, unlocked with their group chat open. he reads the text with a blank face before collapsing back on the bed. bad dream. this is a nightmare. this isn't real. he pinches himself again and again. squeezes his eyes shut and reopens them, holds the phone in front of his face and the text is still there. he can't bring himself to check his own phone and read it there. it remains unread, unready to face the realization.

lando chokes out a sob next to him and collapses on top of him, "'s too late, osc. it's too late. we can't do anything- she's so far away. osc, i-i can't- i don't know what to do- please oscar." he clenches his jaw, tells himself he can't break down, lando needs him to be strong. he drops the phone, rather, throws it to a far corner of the bed, and wraps both arms around lando. "it'll be okay, i promise. if it's meant to be, it'll be." lando whines at his words, says something into his chest that oscar can't make out. he just squeezes lando tighter and pushes down the urge to scream, to break something. to book a flight and fly across the world and beg her not to do this.

it's already done. the text is too articulated. she planned this out. it wasn't one bad night. it was a string of bad nights, that she never told them about. they can't help her if she won't tell them something is wrong, if they don't know she needs help. he doesn't know if he believes his own words. he thinks it's meant to be, but he doesn't know how. he thinks about the stupid saying, if you love something, let it go. if it comes back to you, it's yours forever. if it doesn't, it was never meant to be. it keeps him from texting back and begging for her. she'll come back when she's ready. maybe if he doesn't respond, she'll take it back.

she expects them to fight for her. realistically, she knows she waited until they went to sleep, but still. maybe they couldn't fall asleep, they'd see it and talk her down instantly. she expects them to wake up and text back, begging her not to do this. offer to visit more, to fly her out more. to do anything to close the distance. she lets herself delude herself into thinking maybe they aren't responding because they took the first flight out to see her. the entire day, she waits for her phone to beep at her or to hear a knock on her door, but there's nothing.

she makes the mistake of checking a live broadcast the next day, media day. they look fine. no bags under their eyes, no tear splotchy cheeks. it could be makeup, but they laugh and joke with each other and other drivers. she tells herself it’s the right decision. they aren't even upset about it. they're just going about their days. part of her she wishes she could take it back. she wishes she didn't know this is how they felt, that she really was just a quick fuck between races. they couldn't even be bothered to respond and say, hey! it was fun while it lasted. she doesn't let herself watch anymore after that and deletes every app so she won't have to see the mclaren content her algorithms are so used to pumping her feed with.

in the days after, she feels lied to. like all of these months was nothing, every night they flew in to see her was just because they wanted something else to fuck. her friends tell her it's not true, that they're probably just being respectful and giving her space. one of them says if she'd gotten that text, she wouldn't have replied either. she knows she wouldn't either when she rereads it to herself. she wants to ask, why didn't any of you tell me not to send it? why were they all so supportive of me blowing up my relationship?

after a few weeks of thinking like that, she breaks and looks at the championship rankings, looks at their scores for the last races. she feels a pang in her stomach when they're not having a great season, sometimes finishing in the points but not getting into the top five in any race since. she gets curious, wonders if it's the car or the driver. makes the mistake of watching post race interviews and hearing them talk about how the car was doing great but they couldn't get the full potential out of it. lando's beating himself up too much about it, oscar's giving him sad looks constantly. maybe it is bothering them and they're just showing it differently. she bans herself from checking again. it's none of her business. they're not her boyfriends anymore.

she comes to realize she didn't mind the distance. she misses the few texts they shared, misses watching races and cheering on her boys. the short phone calls after where she congratulates them. waiting around until they made it back to their hotel even if it meant she would only get a few hours of sleep before work. she misses them coming in once a month to see her.

she feels stupid for not telling them how she felt sooner. she wishes she'd worded the text differently, that she'd told them how she felt and they listened and helped. she thinks about reaching out, to apologize, to say she wasn't thinking right, ask for another chance. she doesn't deserve one.

summer break rolls around and though she's still sad about it, she's not crying anymore. she's given up any idea of ever seeing them again and resigns herself to telling her grandkids about the time she dated two racecar drivers. she's just cleaned and rearranged her entire apartment to make herself feel something. the living room is flipped around, she bought a new tv stand and some new pictures to hang. got some funky lamps for mood lighting. she redoes her bedroom too, gets a new bedroom set at an antique sale and pays the seller's sons to move it because she doesn't have a truck. they even help carry out her old furniture and set up the new. even the dining room is redone, a friend got a new dining table and she swapped her friend's old one out for her own. it didn't fit anything else in her apartment and she'd had it since college, it was time to go.

she's almost feeling good. it's a little weird walking into her apartment and feeling like she walked into the wrong one, but in a good way. it feels like a fresh start in a way. she doesn't walk in and imagine lando and oscar on her sofa because the tv is in the place they used to sit. they've never been in her "new" bedroom, never sat on the new mattress she ordered. never showered under her new showerhead. she hid all of their gifts and the things they'd left behind in a box in her guest room closet, so the reminders of them are gone.

they're gone, until she wakes up to banging on her door in the middle of the night. she thinks someone is breaking in at first, when the banging stops suddenly. the silence is deafening, she's waiting to hear someone trying to open it, pick the lock or break a window to get in. instead, her phone buzzes on her night stand. she picks it up and feels her stomach drop.

oscar: i'm sorry it's late. i hope you haven't moved, because i've been banging on your door for five minutes.

why is he here? is lando here too? where is he? why isn't he here? what's happening? what do i do? a million questions run through her head at once and she freezes up. she thinks about pretending to be asleep. that she moved, that the knocking didn't wake her and she never saw the text. maybe she changed her number and moved. she could pretend. it would be easier, probably.

she thinks about it for too long, then realizes oscar's probably left. the text was sent six minutes ago. the thought sends her into a panic. she can't lose him again. she slips in her rush to get out of bed, curses herself for not buying a new rug to match her new bedding yet when her socks hit slippery hard wood floors and she slips, barely catching herself on the bed. she scrambles out of her bedroom, down the hall, barly skidding to a stop before she fumbles for the deadbolt and swings the door open.

he's still there. hands stuffed in his pocket, hair mussed from travel, probably. she can see his adams apple bob when he swallows and they both freeze, like they're on stage and both forgot their lines. she can smell his cologne and it makes her dizzy. it's like walking by a display in a store and knowing you smelled that smell on your third grade field trip to the local science museum. it's been so long that it feels foreign but you can place it exactly. they both stand there, staring, like they can't believe they're really seeing each other.

he opens his mouth to speak, then closes it. he lets out a sigh, "can i come in?"

she blinks, twice, before stepping aside and nodding. she watches his face as he steps inside and looks around. he takes his time taking everything in, his eyes scanning through the archway into the living room. she left her lamps on, so the room is lit by hot pink in one corner, lime green in the next, and blue in the next. it lights his face up in a pretty way, like the lights at the track do, or in a club. she's not sure what to do, so she offers a drink to give herself something to do. "cocoa?" the word feels weird in her mouth. it's only two syllables but her tongue feels thick and even that is hard. he doesn't look at her or say anything, just gives a nod. his hair flutters and she longs to run her hands through it. he does it, pushing the hair off his forehead. it makes her want to do it even more.

she side steps him and is grateful when she doesn't hear his footsteps follow her into the kitchen. would you blame her if she took as long as possible to make the drinks? she could do it faster. she's mastered the art of making hot chocolate every way possible. she has the powder mix for when she's lazy, and knows how to make it taste just as rich as the real thing. she also has expensive chocolate that will take longer to melt down than a powder will take to stir into milk. it's been her guilty pleasure since she broke things off, it feels chopping it up to give to oscar. it helped her though, so maybe it'll help now.

she wonders what he's doing, if he's still standing there or if he moved. if he sat on the couch in it's new spot, or if he's looking at the new wall hangings. if he can hear her chopping on the cutting board, setting things on the stove, getting the mugs out. she wonders if he's grateful for the time to think, too. she needs it considering she didn't know he was showing up. she didn't have time to prepare, but that's better, she would have overthought everything. she runs her fingers through her hair a few times to comb out any tangles and splashes some water on her face to clear her head a bit.

she's going to make the best hot chocolate he's ever had. she's going to put more effort into this mug of hot chocolate than any other. she believes melting the chocolate before adding it to the milk makes it better, so she sets up a double boiler on one burner and milk on another to melt the chocolate while the milk warms. once the chocolate is silky smooth and the milk is at an even 180 degrees, she mixes them. she takes her time whisking it together, occasionally swiping a finger across the whisk to taste it.

she's just biding her time. she chose what she's pretty sure is oscar's favorite mug, an orange one with a kangaroo inside. she bought it at a thrift store long before they met. when you finish your drink, there's a sculpted kangaroo sitting inside, like a little surprise. she likes serving people drinks in it and seeing their confusion, thinking something is in their drink before she says it's part of the mug. they finish their drink and coo at what's inside. oscar's reaction was her favorite; he asked where she got it and said he had to have one. she had no clue where it was from and offered it to him on the spot, and he sheepishly shook his head, "no, just use it when 'm here."

she hid it at the back of the cabinet, every morning she'd reach for it out of habit then get sad when she remembered oscar liked it. hiding it meant she didn't reach for it and get sad. tonight, she had to push all her other mugs out of the way and check it for dust so oscar could use it. at one point, she wished he'd taken it so she wouldn't have to see the reminder. now, she's glad she still has it so she has some common ground to latch onto.

she finds him in the living room, tucked into end corner of the couch, right next to the pink light. "sorry it took so long, i used the good chocolate." she mutters as she offers him the mug and sits in the middle of the couch, a safe distance away. she sets her own mug down on the table, a light blue one with a duck on the outside. she wants to crawl into his lap, say she's sorry, she's so happy to see him. that's not her place anymore, and she doesn't know why he's here. maybe he just wants their hoodies back.

he stares at the mug, wraps both his hands around it and she wishes he'd set it down and tuck his hands under her shirt to warm them like she used to. she can't read his expression when he counters, "i would have taken swiss miss." she doesn't know how to take that. is he saying she shouldn't have put in the effort, or he would be happy with anything she gives him?

she quirks a smile, "i thought you deserved the good stuff."

he hums, and lifts the mug up, "will i burn my mouth if i try to drink this now?" she blinks. he trusts her not to hurt him.

"i wouldn't. i just took it off the burner, i bet you'd see steam if the marshmallows weren't blocking it." his lips turn up in the smallest smile for just a moment and he sets it down next to hers. she keeps her eyes on the mugs as he sits back and suddenly shifts the conversation, "i'm sorry for just showing up. i was going to text but i was scared you would tell me not to."

she tries not to make a face but she winces. "you have nothing to apologize for, you haven't done anything wrong. and for what it's worth, i'm glad you showed up." she hopes it’s the right thing to say. she isn’t sure why she’s here and she doesn’t want to get her hopes up.

there's a soft touch on her arm and she almost flinches before she remember it's just oscar. his voice is soft just as soft as his touch, "you haven't either." his hand curls around her bicep and he tugs lightly. she immediately scoots closer and he pulls her into his side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “we should have reached out, should have shown up sooner. there's not-" he lets out a sigh, she feels him shift her and he squeezes her softly. “the distance, it's hard. we've been doing this a long time, we're used to not seeing our family more than one week a year. you haven't had that, never done this before. you don't know how to deal with it, but if you don't tell us you're struggling, we can't help."

he squeezes her shoulder and she leans into him, "i know. i just- it didn't feel like it would do any good. not like i could text you and you'd be here in an hour."

he shakes his head in the corner of her eye and grumbles, "no, but we would have found time to call you, found a way to come see you sooner. hell, if you could get off work we'd fly you out. fuck, that's not even the problem. why didn't you feel like you could tell us how you were feeling?"

there's a burning sensation that signals tears are coming, and her throat is tightening. she pushes the tears back and forces the words out, "i was scared, that i was the only one feeling like this. you have each other, why would you miss me? i don't have anyone."

oscar lets out a weak sound and pulls her closer, not close enough for her. she wants to be pressed against him in every way. "i'm sorry we made you feel that way. we have each other, yeah, but half the time, all we do is talk about you. missing you. i made lando buy the same shampoo so he’d smell like you. practically had to wash my drool out of his hair every morning.” as if for emphasis, he presses his cheek to her head and sniffs. “could pick you out from a blind test.”

she can't help the breathy laugh that escapes her, "really? you missed me that much? why didn't you tell me?"

oscar nods, "i didn't know you needed to hear it. i thought we were fine. i don't know if there were signs we missed or maybe, you kept it to yourself. it's not an excuse, but we're used to missing people, we can't change that, so we look forward to the next time we see you. sometimes, we're so busy, we don't have time to think about how much it hurts.”

she huffs, "i had too much time to think about how much it hurts."

oscar squeezes her to his side again, then huffs, "take a hint would you? get closer."

her heart thuds in her chest, "closer?"

he laughs a little, the air hits her cheek. "yes, closer. been trying to hold you, but you won't move."

immediately, she throws herself onto his lap, wedging a leg between his and the arm of her sofa so she can straddle him. it feels so good just to have someone close, and oscar feels like coming home. his cologne is the same, she can tell it’s been hours since he applied it, likely just before shoving it in his suitcase, but it lingers on him. he smells a bit like the airport, too, and she wonders how long it took him to get here. where he flew from, when he booked the ticket. it doesn’t really matter.

he’s filled out more through the season, his body is hard under her and she can’t tell if he’s tense or if it’s just hard muscle from lots of training. “i’m really sorry you were hurting. do you think, we could try this again? could you tell us, before it gets too much?”

she curls a hand around his bicep and sighs, "yes, god, i missed you so much. i'm really sorry, i should have said something. i- i would have taken it back, if you had said something, neither of you reached out. i didn't think you wanted me to.”

she can feel the rumbling in his chest against hers when he replies, it tingles her cheek where it’s pressed against his throat. "we didn't think you wanted us to. it felt planned out, i figured you wanted space. i thought you’d come to us when you were ready. lando tried to- i stopped him.” her heart almost shatters. she squeezes her eyes shut and forces back the tears. she can’t cry on him right now. “i was scared too, didn’t want him to find out he was blocked or something. i couldn’t- i didn’t know what to do. i didn’t want him to get hurt again.”

"space is the last thing i wanted." she whispers against his neck. at the mention of him hurting, her stomach twists into tight knots. she'd assumed they were fine. "is lando okay? why isn't he here?"

oscar stiffens under for, just for a moment, before relaxing, "yeah, he'll be okay, if we're gonna be okay. he’s in a hotel, didn't think you'd want to see him. didn't want to face the rejection."

a whimper slips out, "i didn't mean to make him feel like that. all i want is to see him. i should have said something sooner, before it was too much. i'm sorry."

oscar rubs her back softly, and, “we’re sorry too. we’ll do better this time, find more time to see you. reach out more. you gotta do the same, though. and let us know when you need us to be there for you.”

she nods against him, “i promise, i will. can you-“

“we’ll do the same. i’ll text you when i make lando wash his hair with your shampoo, and when i wake up because he’s talking in his sleep and he’s dreaming about you. make lando text you too. he’ll probably complain that i sleep on him when he smells like you and he prefers being the big spoon.”

she lets out a breath of air, almost a laugh but not quite, “i was gonna say, can you call lando? thank you for that though, it means a lot.”

oscar presses his face into her hair, mumbling, “you could call him, y’know? he’d probably love that.”

[acrosstobear]

I feel you've moved away from Mick slightly in the last few weeks. I also thought your comment about Laila being on a free trip to Japan was a bit cutting. Obviously they both want to spend time with one another. Lsila also has her own money and has acquired quite an amount of money too. Maybe I'm wrong but you're normally one of the first to post or tag Mick

hi best bud!!! thank you for giving me an opportunity to chat a little about where i'm at in my head and in my heart and honestly in my life in general. so for the last two race weekends i have been on a tropical vacation literally 8000 km away from my home with my best buds 🥰 girls trip!!! and on previous vacations i've tried to keep the posting going but honestly this time around it just felt super difficult and i really needed to disconnect cause i've got a lot going on in my life rn (under a read more not to bore you all)

tl;dr is that i still absolutely adore Mick, but the uncertainty over where he's going to end up is really tough for me to be dealing with on top of everything else in my life. i'm working through it!!!! for the last 6 races, they are also generally WAY easier for me to keep up with for posting cause they are in my timezone :) so you will see me back on your dash posting rather than reblogging real soon!!!!

really appreciate your concern and love buddy <3

1) my mom is going through chemo for stage 4 cancer and while i was away, ended up in the hospital for a fractured vertebrae, which is super stressful cause its just me and my dad around to help her and they were worried it was possible that the cancer had spread to her bones and etc etc etc. all good in the end and they have her on a pain management plan while it heals and finally gets to the end of her chemo plan (she can't get any further treatment until chemo is done) but obv that's been weighing on me really really heavily. i did most of my grieving earlier this year and have honestly been handling it pretty well since then, though there are weeks more overwhelming than others, but yeah, it sucks very very much.

2) remember boy that i was seeing who got deported? we've been doing really well keeping in touch with calls and texts and even all through my vacation he was sending me good morning texts, little check ins throughout the day, etc. until near the end he found out that his company was no longer going to sponsor his visa 🫠 and full credit to him, he was super upfront about it right away and we agreed we would deal with it when i got back and well. i got back. and we agreed that until he can know that canada is actually a real possibility, its best if we end things here ☹️ so yeah basically got the "it's not you, it's me" from him but i do agree that if he doesnt plan to be in canada im not doing short term long distance if there isn't going to be an end in sight.

3) there is soooooo much uncertainty surrounding both Mick & Callum right now and where they're going to be next year and that has been majorly stressing me out if i'm honest. like i had to totally disassociate from the whole social media fiasco Callum got pulled into cause im sincerely so worried we won't see him on the grid next year, that would actually possibly kill me. and similarly, Mick is being rumoured for WEC seats and the F1 door is closing and like. i can't do WEC. it's not that i don't love it, but i've been there for Callum and had a tough enough time just being able to find a place to watch them, nevermind that 8h-24h races are just not sustainable for me unless i drop another sport that i love. and quite honestly, i don't love that Mick has made most of his public persona his relationship right now. when was the last time he posted about racing? i LOVE a hard launch, it truly brought him back into the mainstream in terms of conversation, but then he didn't really capitalize on it to even do a throwback or even a post himself about Mick's Kart Race that DVB organized or a fucking training post. i totally understand where you're coming from in that they want to spend their time together as much as possible and like, alright go to japan amazing!!!! i just wish that we were SEEING more than her. momentum in this kind of job market is so easily influenced by perception, and right now my perception of Mick is that he has a girlfriend and no job prospects. ALL THAT TO SAY. i adore Mickolas. that will never ever change. i want to support him wherever he ends up. i've been there for Callum and done it before and i will absolutely do it again for Mick.

4) balancing having a life and work and friends and love, which was new for me, is fucking hard to do if you also want to post and write and edit and gif and watch racing. i'm having a tough time figuring it out. i've been grieving over the last month quite honestly, cause i love this community and i adore what i've built here and i still LOVE racing and sharing that love and passion with you guys. it's just really hard to figure out how to do without sacrificing things that mean more / have a higher priority in my life right now. but i'm missing it!!!!!!!!! so much. i wanna get back to gif'ing and posting and writing, truly.

[post-modern-prometheus]

hey it's pretty late for me so sorry if this makes no sense or is weird but. im a junior in high school and college talk is kinda inescapable rn and it makes me very anxious but ive been following you for a while and its just really nice to see you talking abt enjoying college and having good friends and walking around in converse with a pocket copy of howl and being genderqueer and its like oh!! i dunno it seems less scary when i realize there's someone like me having a good time out there. so thanks for being you and posting about it on tumblr ig 👍

this just makes me. feel so much. bc middle school and high school kinda sucked for me and when i was that age i really couldnt see myself even surviving past then but now. i’m having the time of my life. my friend is in a band and we went to see him play at a bar last night, my roommate and i shared a shooter in the bathroom, and i rizzed up the sax player. last weekend my friends and i took a roadtrip to go see an artist (which also happened to be at a bar and we had to sneak in. college is really all about “be gay do crime” ig) and then went to a house show. bc frats and parties arent my scene. and i could tell right away bc i didnt dress or act like the people who go to those religiously. but that doesnt matter bc i wasnt alone and neither are you. even if the music scene isnt your thing, i promise there is so much more to college. you’ll find what you love and who you love. college is. the best. you meet so many people, but you also learn to love being by yourself. i walk around campus listening to music and audiobooks. i sit on random steps and in the grass and write. i do endless amounts of homework in the library or outside my apartment under the tree blasting records for the whole complex to hear. and you’ll find your people. my favorite story ab one of my friends is the time he got plastered and started puking and between heaves would recite lines of howl and the wasteland. the amount of poetry and old music posters on the wall in my living room is insane. we have tons of instruments bc we have this avant garde performance art punk noise band that we always talk about but have played like one gig and practiced twice. this got really long, but like i said, the emotions are getting to me n i’m slightly hungover (which if you’re stressed ab not really being into drinking DW i literally didnt drink until this year. good friends wont pressure you and if you decide a year later than everyone else that you wanna join in, no one will tease you. i don’t and will not smoke and no one ever tries to get me to. also if you do drink they take care of you. like i tend to fall asleep on floors and wake up on the couch of my friends’ apartments or in my own bed. people can be good- but ofc make sure you trust the right people when you’re not in the right state of mind.) and i just made this even longer and i don’t remember my train of thought but. i’m so touched by this and i feel for you and you will love it!

[anysuuchwandrs]

The scariest night of my life.

Before our AZ-UT trip last weekend, I was already feeling sick with all the change of weather we’ve had in OC lately. I can no longer cancel the trip given that we already booked up all our Airbnb stay and Antelope Canyon tour which was quite expensive, to say the least. 

I was able to manage all my nagging flu symptoms until that one Sunday evening. We arrived in Vegas from Utah at 9 pm and desperate for relief, I turned to my friends for help. James, who lives in Vegas, offered flu medication while he suggested me to take CBD gummies to ease my discomfort and ensure a restful sleep during the journey home given that I have work the next day.

I took both pills hoping for a relief from my symptoms and a chance to rest. Yet, what followed literally shook me to my core.

It was about an hour passed the time I took the gummy that I felt a creeping numbness spread through my body, a sensation both alienating and alarming. I thought it was just a mere paranoia for me and I tried to focus on the road ahead, but my mind had other plans. The next thing I know, I was already seeing a series of vivid images and surreal sights in my head.

Cartoon characters from childhood memories grinned at me while rainbows with eyes winked knowingly as if giddy to see me. Every object, every shadow seemed to take on a life of its own, morphing into grotesque caricatures of themselves. If you remember who Madeline was, that cartoon character I used to watch back when I was young in Disney? I've seen her frequently in my head as if seeing her old friend back.

The mere fact that we were driving back from Vegas at nighttime and that we still had 4hours ahead of us was more than enough for me to comprehend. I wanted to believe that it was due to my first time taking CBD gummies and maybe I would feel better in the next couple of minutes. 

Minutes later as I tried to be in denial of what was happening, I could now feel my palpitation. I could feel my heart beating fast, and I started to panic. Given that we were still in the middle of the desert, I started to feel anxious about what was about to happen combined with the sound of the running engine at 80mph and the unappealing music from the radio. I asked my boyfriend to roll down the windows a bit so I could breathe some air. The next thing I knew, I was shaking and I wanted to vomit. I told them to pull over the car at the nearest town, and I’m glad we went to Thermometer; a town before the 60-mile desert stretch. No exits, no towns. Just the vastness of the desert. 

We parked at the grocery store and I started to vomit when I got out of the car. I can feel both my arms and legs shaking not because of the cold given how cold it was in Vegas but because it was like my body’s involuntary response from the palpitation. I asked if they could call 911 and so I can go to the nearest hospital. At this point, I was already panicking that breathing fresh air didn’t help.

My sister’s boyfriend studied the CBD gummy I took and the moment I went in the car again, he said I only took a 15 mg THC gummy with 0% CBD. Meaning, the reason why I was intoxicated and high was that I technically only took THC gummies and the fact that I also took flu medications at the same time. When taking THC,  it was known to give you temporary psychotic episodes which was similar to what I just had to go through. 

I thought I was on drug overdose, but my brain function was typically heightened by the 2 things I took that night. 

We stayed at Thermometer for 2 hours more at 1 am, and I feel like I could not go through the same ordeal of seeing things in my head while in a running vehicle. So many things triggered my panic attack that I could no longer feel my hands and feet. I asked them to pinch me so hard but little to no effect. Good thing my boyfriend, who is an RN, was there to manually check my pulse using his two fingers. He said my pulse rate was 190 then went down to 120 in 20 minutes. (Going back to this entry, he lied that night. He said my pulse rate never went down. He only said that so I wouldn't panic).

After 2 hours of staying there, we decided to move ahead because we no longer felt safe in the area. Bea saw 3 men coming our way, maybe trying to break in at least but realized that there were people inside. It triggered my palpitations again, and I was trying to calm myself down.  

What I realized from this experience of getting high was how my brain works marvelously. 

Back on the road again, I can feel my heart beating fast. But I don’t know how these two things transpired that suddenly I can hear 2 voices inside my head. 

The name of the other entity was Eva, and the next was Duffy. 

Whenever my brain gives me a snippet of my adult problems, like working later today, and I couldn’t call off, Eva would address them. I don’t know how she did it, but I know I calmed down each time I addressed the thoughts to Eva. She felt as though she was my adult alter-ego. I talked to her whenever I lifted my head straight. 

Duffy, on the other hand, addressed my childhood nostalgia, and she made me calm way more than Eva did. Talking to her is when I put my head down. This area where Duffy exists usually was where I could feel my heartbeat slow down. Especially when I see more familiar things in my head from the past, like how my school paper looked back in 2nd grade and even forcing myself to play the soundtrack of DN Angel in my head. These two imaginary people in my head were the reason why I survived the 3hour drive from Vegas to California. If they weren’t there, I would have a panic attack again. It was as if my mind was helping me cope with what stressed me out the most. 

I know all these things I mentioned sounded silly and crazy, but it did happen. I never thought I would live this day to tell the tale of me getting high unintentionally. And you know how I don’t even have bad habits like smoking and drinking alcohol but getting high was a new thing for me. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I had a close life-and-death encounter. I felt like dying that night, but Eva and Duffy were like my cruise control - they kept me sane and protected from my toxic thoughts. 

Although it was one of the scariest nights of my entire life, I think the whole ordeal of getting high like m*f* was fascinating, to say the least. 

[9990zara]

vent because i had a terribly stressful day under the cut for your convinience

it all started as soon as i opened my eyes LMAO i missed my alarm and i had to leave even earlier than the ass crack of dawn because of some bullshit. said bullshit is that my parent's car broke down (mood) so my oldest brother lent us one of his, but we had to drive him to work (because of more bullshit im too lazy to explain rn). so we had to drive 30km to pick him up. then like 10 km more to drive him to work. surprisingly the last 10km were the problem, as the morning traffic jam was in full force. usually i intentionally leave a lot of leeway in the morning so i dont stress out but guess what!! fridays are the day i have my only 100%-attendance-or-you-fail, outside-of-campus-so-we-use-the-bus, touch-grass-for-REAL-knowledge 8:30 class!!!!!!! so i couldn't be even a minute late or the bus would leave without me!!!! and i, a complete FOOL, miscalculated and told myself i would just take the bus on the way back from my brother's work. well my dad just had to go through the worst street in the fucking city so that i regretted all my life choices ^^ i ended up making it just as the bus was leaving, but i took like 75 emotional damage lmaoo.

class went surprisingly fine all things considered, including the fact that i HATE this course but i need it to graduate. it involves a lot of tracking through the mud, using all things pesticide and chemical, and rabbits eating last week's work. but my uni friend is delightful and her presence is like a balm, so i powered through. normally when this class is over i go straight home, but today my dad asked my middle brother and i to go look at cars with him, so downtown i went. we had a tasty but too-big-for-me lunch so i was happy but sleepy and with a tummy ache. when my arm started acting up for no reason at all, forcing me to take meds to Feel Normal. great! chronic pain is such a delight you know!!

looking at cars wasnt too bad, but we had to wait for my dad's friend, so we did a bunch of things, among those drop off my middle brother at uni, pick up my mom and my oldest brother. all nice and cool until my dad's friend decided to not show up, and my mom and oldest brother were so thoroughly stressed out for some work matters they did not elaborate on that their presence turned the air acidic. we went to drop off my oldest brother, and then spent like 40 minutes there as i tried to convince my mom to go because my middle brother was waiting for us. also my nephew is sick and it's never nice to see him like that, he's a lot like me at his age (constantly sick and fussy).

after we managed to leave and go pick uo my brother to finally go home (day started at 6am, its 6:30pm at this point) we go in only to find it stinky and messy because my oldest brother's dog (who we have been looking after. and he still hasn't picked up for some reason???) got into the cat litter to eat cat poop. because she likes to eat poop for some reason!! so its cleaning time. and my middle brother tried to push his ONLY chore (feed the dogs) on me who was doing my own chores LMAO.

so now im lying down for the first time today. its currently 8:20. i have to go wash my clothes, clean my bedroom, pack a bag because i have a forced trip this weekend, eat dinner, convince my groupmates to work on our graded assignment so i can do mine, have dinner, study a little maybe, and sleep early because of the trip. yay!!!!1!!1!1!1!!

[primroses-n-deadleaves]

i dont have anyone to talk to rn, not out of anything bad theyre just busy and also have their own issues and so on; its okay still it leaves me wondering what went wrong? i only have two ppl that i can rlly talk to like both socialize and also to the extremes of venting, i try to help them too but im not rlly good at it, and so, whenever theyre missing or busy, i feel very alone, which is funny becuz im quite fortunate to have a semi active group on discord with cool ppl but instead of trying to get rid of my loneliness ig i jus self isolate idek whats wrong with me now, all the bad stressful stuff passed, for now,, mom was angry cuz my room got infested with termites, she got rid of them and i was left with the task of cleaning the stain,; and i jus discovered theres more termites to my side that went unnoticed by mom and that are eating the table and chair,; she doenst know of that yet thou so i can handle but i havent, the weekend approaches which is when well be doing all of this, i could try to take care of it before saturday before she notices and gets even more angry at me but here i am writing instead.

i feel very useless, my car is still at the repair shop so i can go out and buy the insecticide i need to get rid of the termitees, its at the repair shop cuz i let it break,, when it broke i called mom and she was at work so she asked me if i had any friends that could come and help me, all my friends are little ppl on my phone stuck to the other side of screen,; she had to call her friend which i was lucky that he was available and came to help me i felt very alone and useless and without any friends theres only so much online friends can do and i dont blame them, im also an online friend to them and i cant rlly do much for them either; that said, i rlly want irl friends.... but those "friends" i, stupid highschool drama ruined all my friendships its been 4 years and im still suffering the consequences of it; and also i rlly miss them, even if they were shitty and used me i still miss them;; maybe if i had acted like nothing id probably still be used sure but maybe i wouldve had someone to call when my car broke down

also im unemployed, with a gambling addiction of all things,, ive been thinking of getting a cheaper addiction- well, cheaper in the long run, something like smoking, not drinking, drinking is a bit expensive and my family from dad's side has a history of alcoholism,, so smoking or vaping, ruin my lungs,, im pretty sure a pack of cigarettes is cheaper than putting 100 into gacha games; why not look for a job? great question, i have, maybe not hard enough but im a bit too depressed if u cant tell by the writing; ive also tried to do online job but its rlly taxing to do a lot of work making vids and such to see no profit and ik ik it comes with time but i dont have time i need money now the funniest part is that i tried to apply for military jobs yknow the army and even those have rejected me, yes im overweight according to bmi, thats all they needed to disqualify me,; so instead i spend my time leeching money of mom, i feel very guilty, im a horrible child,, i sobbed when i was getting my meds and it ended up costing 30 bucks to buy becuz i sent it to a damn walgreens instead of a local pharmacy that accepts my insurance, i lost my meds and i could get refill but itll end up costing until i change the location which i cant change until my next visit

i wanted to kill myself when mom told me i could be working rn and that she was right, i could be working rn but instead i was laying on the bed which isnt even mine becuz i sleep on my sisters room taht has ac

the feeling had dissipated for a moment, well, it left when i repressed my feelings, which writing about it makes me confront those feelings so the suicidal ideation is back; in moments like this i think about one certain episode of fairly odd parents, yknow the one where timmy sees how the world would be if he never existed and sees that everyone around him is doing better without him? i dont remember the ending, i just think about it and think im better off dead, literally, i bring no good to the world

if u happen to stumble upon this, dw, i have a strangely strong will to live, last time i rlly tried to kill myself and acted, i called the hotline, which took me to the hospital where i was fortunate its a good hospital and got treated nicely,; bottom line is, and i quite hate this part of myself, ill live,; this stupid survival instict is strong enough to keep me from dying, i rlly hope it wasnt , life honestly isnt worth living,, the world is a shit place

[1d1195]

omg i had a phase where the ONLY show i would watch was gilmore girls. that was fun it has a special place in my heart

LMFOAOAOSKS SAM HAHAHAHA you’re so right tho neither of them felt like good fits for her. my mom was just telling me today how every time she sees him online she thinks his smile looks so forced😭😭

OH AND DING 3 ???:?:???? I WAS SHDBSJSNNSDJD 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 THE WHOLE TIME I KID YOU NOT. HES SOOOOOO UGHHH. THE WAY HE NEEDED TO KNOW ??? AND WHEN HE GOT SO ANGRY HE WANTED TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE GYM ???? AND JUST THE WAY THEYRE SOOOO INTO EACH OTHER IM OBSESSED (when he asked to kiss her cheek i think i passed away🪦)

im really happy to hear the vacation went well !! i think you deserve a good relaxing something every now and then. treat yourself to a spa weekend or a massage soon girl (or whatever you consider relaxing cause i’ve actually never tried either of those lmfao)💖

i’ve actually been up to a lot recently! or more than usual lol. it’s pretty dull in my life buttttt i have two childhood best friends who each have a wedding coming up soon. one of which i know for sure will be in may and the other isn’t decided yet but it’ll be soon as well bc it’ll be a lowkey thing. it’s crazy for me to think that we’re at the age where we can start getting married n stuff😭 ive known these girls my whole life its just insane

todays my birthday !! (it’s 2am rn tho so i won’t process that fact until i wake up) i’m not going to do much, maybe go to target and get some skincare bc i went to see a dermatologist yesterday lol who’s the person who said they lived in the uk and wished they had a target?? i saw a tiktok video of a group of australians going to target for the first time and it was SOOO FUNNY😭😭 target is the best i could seriously spend hours there

wishing you alllll the best✨✨✨✨

~🎶

I watch it every fall/winter 😭 I just finished my rewatch actually 🤣

I’ve never been to the spa or had a massage. I do really want a massage but I’m poor and can’t justify the cost. Honestly I enjoy lounging on the couch hahahaha

That’s so nice you get to see some old friends! That’s so lovely! I have been trying to be better about seeing my old friends (and doing terrible at it). My middle school bff has a 1.5 year old kid. That shit is wild. But it’s always like no time has passed when I see them! Hope you have fun spending time with them! What do you have planned?

I’m so weddinged-out. I’ve always been a funeral girl (my family is generally older so 🤷🏻‍♀️) I hadn’t been to a wedding until I was 17 and then the next one when I was 22. Now I’ve been to 6 weddings in two years. I’m tapped out physically, emotionally, and mostly financially. I think there will be at least 2 more in the next two years too 🙃 Also I’ve been to about…idk 6000 baby showers. I cannot afford to have friends 🤣

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🎉 💕🥳 I hope you had the most amazing day you deserve it all and more!!! 💕

My 🛼-anon is our friend from England who hasn’t been to target! I’m glad you feel the same way about target. I grew up without a target nearby so I’m not sure if I’m just romanticizing how lovely it is 🤣

Hope you have a fabulous birthday week can’t wait to hear about your skincare routine and all the fun things you do with your friends!!!

Xoxo

P.s. I’m glad you liked Ding 💕I love a “who did this to you” kinda vibe 😉

[marikosenwrites]

little omori main cast head canons when you're dating

a/n: my first time writing an omori fic, and in fact, a fic! hope you guys like this. ONTO THE MAIN STUFF! (p.s. all banner are made by me, and the pictures that you see on it, are from pinterest!)

ships: basil, sunny, aubrey, hero, kel(i tried)

tw: FLUFF YASS, possible spoilers(?)

basil

‣firstly, this guy is a complete cutie

‣you need to protect him at all costs. AT ALL COSTS, YOU UNDERSTAND?

‣he loves you so, so much though seriously

‣will name a few plants after you

‣loves playing with your hair like after making flower crowns or braiding it

‣calls you his favorite flower all the time (sometimes your real name) (is his fav flower sunflower??) and you call him "my love"

‣watches tv with you on the weekend (in fact, your parents are as good as dead and you inherited the house so you work like 12 hours one day to get the money you need)

‣makes you herbal tea after a difficult day at GINO'S or wherever you're working at

‣you stand up for him when the hooligans (aubrey takes the lead) bully him

‣he loves cuddling with you in bed or on couch, either is fine for him, he loves it either way

‣goes to sunny's house too, hoping to see him come out some time but isn't brave enough to knock on the door except when you encourage him to but he's usually sleeping (IN HEADSPACE RN)

‣that inner demon he has scares you sometimes

‣when polly said he went missing you were freaking out so hard

‣you wouldnt sleep until you found him and was searching for him in faraway town like everywhere until like kel hero and sunny showed up you finally got a wink of sleep BUT NOT MUCH

‣da gang FINALLY found him and you heard from polly (who called you) that basil was in the hospital

‣you rushed there ofc

‣you were crying next to him and basil was like "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SUNFLOWER??"

‣you were crying tears of relief

‣he is definitely kissing you like no other boyfriend would and could he missed you

‣HAPPY ENDING basil told you the truth a long time ago (did i forget to mention that)

sunny

⁍give him affection will be the first thing i say if not last

⁍after shutting himself out for 4 years, i would say he doesn't crave for attention

⁍but he does like someone patting his head from time to time

⁍if you call him darling, he gets really flustered so you call him that every where

⁍he calls you by your actual name like "y/n" and you can't say you don't like your name coming out of his mouth like that

⁍when you give him saccharine affections, he just *chef's kiss rn*

⁍he doesn't exactly favor pda (public distribution of affection), so you usually shower him with affection when you're in his house or what not

⁍your mom and dad loves him they want him as their child (LIKE BRO)

⁍you listen to him playing the violin all the time (you bought him a new one ur rich)

⁍him playing the violin is simply stunning

⁍then you ask him to play all the time

⁍he gladly does it for you

⁍when he ends up in the hospital, you're just outside waiting for him to come back and then you learn that he lost sight in one of his eyes

⁍you immediately go to basil's room, hoping to find him there

⁍you're next to basil asking him what happened

⁍he says to wait for sunny

⁍and then sunny enters, tells all of you the truth

⁍you didn't know, so you hugged him SO HARD the doctors asked you to stop

⁍"i'm sorry i wouldn't tell you sooner y/n, i wanted to tell everybody at once. basil knows."

⁍you said it's okay you'll be fine

⁍happy ending...? he moves away, but still comes back on the weekends with his mom

aubrey

⁌you call her auby cuz its cute

⁌you hang out with her and the hooligans

⁌you're always working when aubrey's "talking" with basil

⁌when you find out

⁌you try to convince her to not

⁌and then m a r i comes to your mind and why she stole the photo album

⁌everything makes sense now

⁌so you comfort her and give her cuddles and let her stay for the night at your house

⁌your parents love her so they allow it

⁌she emits warmth

⁌when hero kel sunny and the hooligans visit, you're with her in the attic and like "who's that??" because hero kel sunny haven't interacted with you guys in like 3 years

⁌you find out it's the guys when they come up and you're just hugging aubrey (auby 😭)

⁌you guys look through the album after the photos hero gets the photos from her mirror(?)

⁌so many good memories...

⁌all of you are there when sunny says the truth

⁌and boy were you shocked

⁌but it's still, a happy ending. perhaps it will last forever!

hero

∙head over heels for you. definitely.

∙when he's in college, you guys face time a LOT

∙when he's back, he definitely spends a day with you WITHOUT FAMILY around him and well

∙he loves pda

∙showers you with kisses when you're outside

∙he loves cooking for you whether afternoon morning or night

∙call him husband material HE BEAMS LIKE THE SUN

∙so sweet when you're around

∙if someone dares disrespect you, he'll be like "i'm sorry, but my girlfriend/boyfriend here (emphasis on girlfriend/boyfriend), is also a human, and you should treat her like one, not like she's/he's some alien that just landed from outer space."

∙they back down >:)

∙makes flower crowns for you often

∙asks basil for ideas and if he would give hero his plants so he could make you flower/grass crowns

∙if basil had extra, i think he would

∙but unwillingly (he loves his plants)

∙kel loves spending time with you too, as his future family, though

∙you, hero and kel love playing card games, and with sunny and aubrey later on

∙when sunny and basil go into the hospital you guys are just like "what in the world happened"

∙but its a really happy ending and you all end up forgiving basil and sunny

kel

⚪bro is clingy

⚪and silly

⚪but you love that side of him

⚪you prepare with him whenever hero comes home and you personally go to mari's grave

⚪sometimes he goes with you

⚪made you drink that acidic-ly sweet orange joe once

⚪your stomach disagreed with it

⚪he was saying "SORRY SORRY SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO" over and over

⚪"kelsey- i'm fine-"

⚪he was shocked when you called him his full name but he loves it

⚪he loves the way his full name comes out of your mouth

⚪you're like a proud mom/dad when kelsey stands up for sunny and basil

⚪you cuddle with him all the time in his house your house is usually partying because your mom and dad love bringing people over and you just sneak away

⚪quality time is your love language

⚪when basil and sunny say the truth y'all forgave him and wrap everyone in a GROUP HUG that was directed by kel(sey)

⚪YAY

a/n: hope you liked this head canon, really, if you have feedback, you're welcome to tell me!

©all banners, dividers, and stories are made by marikosenwrites and the pictures in it are from pinterest. i own none of the OMORI characters mentioned here.

[anarchistbitch]

well it's not like according to tradition I replied in a timely manner lmao dont worry about it

sfjkfjsdk me too, i dont usually make playlists, i just leave everything in my liked and shuffle it and let it be what the universe dictates but idk i felt like getting them into one playlist

well if you add pepa pig id burst out laughing in the middle of a call probably and one of my work friends would probably shout "send her to sleep" bc thats what we say when we send clients back bc we cant do anything from our end so it would be funny and we would just ultimately skip it lmao

im looking forward to whatever songs you add, the playlist is long as fuck already tbh so it might take a while for the oli london song to come on

SFGDSJKFGDS well in my defense I had to ask bc i didnt know how long youve been on tumblr so yeah (shiro's cloning and the episode about it and the fight with keith)

anyways i motherfucking hated that they exploded adam and then tried to console us with curtis but anywaaaaaaay the fanfic is dirty laundry which if you were in the fandom i doubt you didnt end up hearing of it or at least the discourse around it but anyway it got deleted but i had it downloaded so have a google drive link https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwU9LMiUJoN7RjFWSGZVUlJQd1U/view?

yeah, the whole not enrolling classes in uni is a mess and i try not to think about it too much rn (i am seeing a therapist and i hope that by next year i have figured out what i want to do) but i like my job, we(my team)'re actually planning to rent a house and stay there a weekend very soon to celebrate our supervisor's bday :'3

making choices that will greatly impact our futures is seriously so hard, and i also not qualified for any career advice but manifesting that whatever you choose in the end allows you to be happy

just last night it started raining hard so i got up to turn off the fan but then like two minutes later i got up to turn it on again bc even tho it was raining it is still so fucking hot, seriously hate the weather rn

god mountains are so preetty, specially when the weather is cool and they get all foggy

atsv is a masterpiece and it continues from itsv so damn well, i really do love it and i hope hollywood gets up it's ass and pays their workers what they're owed so we can see it soon

KJSDFJKSDFHJS i am still seeing so many miguel o hara edits everywhere for real, i gotta say tho im in love with hobie and pavitr

JKSHFJS i used to do something similar with fob, i had a lot of them printed out and would put them on my binder cover so that i could memorize the lyrics so i was all day everyday singing them until i memorized it and the changed it for another song

idk how id rank fob albums, its so hard when theyre soo good but i really do love so much for stardust, aside from that one i think my favs are save rock and roll and american beauty american pyscho, mania was the first album i was a fan of them when it came out so it has a special place in my heart as well

my special lyric is part time soulmates full time problem, ive always been a fan of soulmate aus and hhhhhhhh just makes my brain smooth, also we started off as shiny dimes but we got flipped too many times, we did it for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never going to change 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

cheers to us and our interesting meeting jdfshjf

love you and i hope you have a good week :3 get plenty of rest and fun and water!!

-M

i feel like if we had a competition on late replies i would emerge victorious😎(crying inside)

honestly fall is prolly the best time to make playlists[not that im gonna, but sure is a nice time yk] but ahhhh anyway!!!! havent added anything but u will know when i add it <3

check hello tumblr user nonbinarymikaela pls provide access to the drive check [i checked out of any fandom drama cause i had so many exams that yr lmao. only time the edu system saved me]

[this is me actually hi]

honestly idek if i like my degree rn, like i really wanted to go for a history degree a couple years back before i changed my stream[its a whole educational system thats actually fucking fucked in india i hope it dies soon💜] but on the flip side - it was pretty hard to get a spot in my uni anyway so now im just in a whirlpool of smth. bleh

thinking of how next year is so close is like skewering me and roasting me like a kebab😭😭😭😭[but like dont keep a strict timeline yk, ur like seriously cool and i think any decision you take will be the best as along as your the one taking it ] [i wish i had answered this earlier so i couldve wish you good time on ur retreat but i hope it was good anyway💜💜💜💜💜💜💜]

man i need to like seriously cope up with my decisions cause i need to take an exam for my career which is seriously sooo..... but yea thats how its going

omg its raining here too and my college[which is seriously just a reformated jungle] turned into a swamp ish and they STILL didnt cancel classes. and i forgot my umbrella. i came back home like a sad wet cat .

gotta love that near-to-the-equator ass weather with climate change [i need to kill billionaires rn]

hope the strikes come to a fruitful end soon[for saf-aftra & iatse !!! fuck the amptp!!] but also i wouldnt mind waiting a couple years for btsv if the animators need that time to like animate in a safe and healthy manner yk

OH wait also im on my halloween movies watch rn!! just finished the addams family and watching paranorman rn [i need a gomez man btw. need him to be silly and obsessed and intense.and mwah]

[also if u wanna watch an indian series made in heaven is pretty cool(its okay-ish in terms of writing but it covers some very important social issues + the main leads are hot and dubious. what more do i need to watch a show)]

hobie kinda scratched a very specific itch in my brain like i want to be him AND kiss him , pavitr is so slay, and o'hara needs like a massage session thing where they unlock the trauma in ur knees or like a stamlo 50mg.

me & my friends fav fob lyrics was the 'how the mighty fall' cause we would do that "fall out...boi" intro everytime lol

i dont think i have a fave lyric but i think immortals was a top contender for reasons[i like big hero 6 :3]

Song rec: nothings new by rio romeo (saw it in a reels animatic and .. yea)

to many more yrs of late asks 🥂(appy juice cause i dont like the taste of alcohol)

my love and hopes to u💜💜💜 and also an umbrella for this weather☔

p.s. drink water/soup/iced tea + i care for u+ W in the chats

[smileyerim]

hi! warning: pretty long sorry <3 I was the anon about the financial stuff and I'm not exactly out of all my expenses since I am the only one paying for my school but since its a local college, it is significantly less so it doesn't put too much of a burden, but im also not working right now because it was just such a toxic environment (my manager literally tried forcing me to become a store manager after I told her I couldn't due to school AND she would call in an hour before her shift and have a manager from a different store cover her instead : / ) like very bad place overall imo. also like I relate so much with the whole going out situation because when my friends would invite me out I would just always say no even if I really wanted to because even if it is like just to see a movie for $5 or whatever, it still felt like a lot to me ? I grew up low income so anything that seems "unnecessary" to me automatically makes me feel bad for enjoying it even if I shouldn't if that makes sense. we should be able to enjoy doing things without worry but for some people it's really hard. I've even been called cheap before because sometimes I just refuse to even buy like ice cream or fast food because to me that money can go to something more important but then again it's a natural instinct to want to indulge a bit but it's just hard. ,, sorry for the rant !! : )

Thank you sm for being patient w my response time :) I was MOH in a wedding this weekend and I wasn’t able to actually sit down w my thoughts on this ask until now.

I’m sorry your current situation sucks. Bad school or work environments literally can ruin your entire perspective and outlook on life if they’re that bad. I’m dealing w a situation at work rn where someone I work with is so flippant with their responsibilities and it screws everyone over. I really do admire you for not continuing to subject yourself to the toxic environment! It’s so easy to feel stuck in a shitty job when you’re low income. I think you should be proud of yourself for prioritizing your emotional well-being!

I totally get the discomfort w leisure spending. There’s some habits that never seem to go away, like the anxiety that comes with spending money on something nonessential even though the spend is fine. I remember once I was sitting in the food court at the mall (lol) mulling over whether or not to buy this one discounted pair of earrings from H&M for $3.

Please please please do not apologize for sharing! I really value authenticity and community. Like I’ve said before, most of us are in our late teens and twenties. These are hard ages to live through and most people don’t have a community to share those growing pains with. If I can offer a safe space for young adults to be heard and related to, I want to do that! Belonging to a healthy community where I was validated and heard is the biggest credit for my growth.

You’re always welcome here! Always always!

[2jaeh]

ORPHIC : YUTA X READER

genre: smut, angst

warnings: mature themes, enemies to lovers kinda, kinda toxic theme, multiple smut scenes, swearing, alcohol, toys. 

slight jenoxreader 

word count : 17,5k (sorrry he’s my ult)

author: sin! 

You and Yuta never had a good relationship within your group of friends. The closest the two of you ever came to even slightly caring about each other was...in bed. After some friendly advice you decide to venture out of this toxicity and an old friend comes to the rescue. Thinking things will finally settle and you are ready to move on, Yuta comes to the realization that he wasn't a fan of you leaving him for someone else. 

A/N: WHOA this took me so long to write and rn its 2am and I barely proofread anything and just wanted to post it already! ALSO I just wanted to add Jeno is practically my ult as well and I wanted to use him for this scenario ! I promise Ill make it up to you guys with a full length fic of him lol Anyways enjoy. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You couldn’t understand why you hated him so much. Was it the way he did his hair ? The way he rolled his eyes at every snarky remark you directed at him ?

Or was it the way he stared at you from across the room, a smirk on his face signaling that it was going to be one of those nights.

You joined this collective of artists or the “blank space” as you were known to the public, a year ago. The team did everything from clothing to organizing crazy exhibitions, and the best part of it all was that the team members remained anonymous.

Now some of the members were already in the spotlight for their personal artworks and collections but anything under blank space was under that name only, promoted only under its respective social media accounts. The collective was founded by Taeyong, an introverted guy you met at a fashion show you once worked at. He approached you the night your art hit the runway and you’ve been working for him ever since.

You didn’t know everybody under Blank Space except for the people Taeyong trusted the most. Which from possibly 50 designers, only reduced to a total of nine close friends.

Taeyong, Johnny, Ten, Renjun, YangYang, Doyoung, Sungchan, Lucas and You.

And then, there was one person you called a friend when the mood was right. When he was not being an absolute pain in the ass.

Yuta Nakamoto.

————————————————————————

“So there’s a launch happening this weekend over at the shed” Taeyong announced to your friend group who were barely paying attention thanks to Yangyang attempting to stuff four marshmallows into his mouth. “Come on you can do one more” Lucas edged him on while Renjun shook his head disapprovingly and Sungchan tried to suppress his laughter.

“Guys please pay attention” Doyoung, the only type of authority around here spoke up, finally quieting down the room and allowing his best friend to speak.

Taeyong cleared his throat and shifted nervously as all eyes were focused on him again. “I’d like all of us to attend, maybe look for a new recruit” the timid pink haired boy spoke and everyone nodded knowing the routine of these launches at this point.

“Can we party hard or is this just one of those save face kinda gigs ?” Yuta raised his hand and the spark in Lucas’s eyes indicated that he may have had the same idea.

You rolled your eyes and crossed your leg over the other, “Yuta’s having a dry spell he wants to find some damsel in distress to get into his bed” you turned to him and he only smirked at your snarky comment.

“Well now y/n it’s only because you haven’t been in the mood for my dick lately” he pouted and Renjun threw his head back, followed by groans from both Johnny and Ten.

“I’m not in the mood for the two of you today seriously” Ten chimed in, rubbing his temples just waiting for this group meeting to be over. “Yeah me too” Johnny added, “you two fight the entire week then hook up over the weekend, we are tired.”

“Why are you guys tired ? Are you doing the fighting and fucking ?” Yuta scoffed and Doyoung jumped to his feet, folding his arms across his chest as he looked down at the scowling black haired man,

“This is a work meeting. If it's not about work” Doyoung eyes moved to you, “then we don’t want to hear about it.”

You nodded after getting reprimanded but Yuta being Yuta just snickered and downed the rest of his coffee, unbothered by what any of the people in the room had to say about him.

“Okay then well I’ll see you guys Friday night, if you find a possible recruitment just text the group chat and we will decide as a team then and there” Taeyong wrapped up the meeting and everyone dispersed back to their work stations to finish up any outstanding projects.

Blank Space had its own office block but you guys were the only ones with a private floor at the very end of the hallway, far away from the part-timers.

Everyone had their own cubicle made up of makeshift drywall, so it was private but not private enough. Taeyong felt that closed offices made no sense for a room of creatives and when working on bigger projects it was easier for members to move their stations to their partners' cubicles.

Your cubicle though had the unfortunate fate of being placed in front of Yuta. The members had tried to swap with either of you but neither of you budged. Moving meant there was a problem and showing that you had an actual problem with the other person meant it could sabotage the team and things may go sour.

So both of you conceded. Trying your absolute best to stay out of the other person's way during work hours. But it was impossible when bickering was just something you guys did.

From the very beginning You and Yuta had disagreed on almost everything. Both of you were pretty stubborn people and had a very similar mindset. Then on a random drunken night Johnny suggested that you and Yuta needed to release your anger in bed and the next day you’d be best friends. Yuta was pretty adamant on the idea and not only did you hook up once, it became this ongoing hell of fighting, building up your anger and releasing it during mind blowing sex.

Neither of you questioned the abnormality of your relationship. Rather, you ignored the red flags and the toxicity of it all and just assumed attraction only happened through liquor, high sexual needs and boredom.

“Hey y/n sorry about snapping like that earlier” Doyoung stepped into your cubicle, his gummy smile showing as he nervously scratched his head.  “It’s no problem, I’m sorry about my stupid comment” you pressed your lips together feeling a tad guilty that it all started because of you.

“You guys really love riling each other up don’t you?” Doyoung took a seat opposite you which was a bit unnatural for anyone who walked by. Doyoung was a very reserved person and never bothered to converse with any of you besides Taeyong. Unlike the rest of you Doyoung was recruited to handle finances and foresee the operation. He appreciated the arts but never delved in it, hence his awkwardness with the openness and unhinged personalities of the group.

“I get that it can be...exhausting” you sighed, propping your elbows up on the counter and pouting.

“Then why do you continue ?” Doyoung quizzed and you shrugged, “stress relief ?”

Doyoung chuckled at your words and pushed his spectacles up his bridge, “you guys are the ones stressing each other out,” Doyoung turned back to look at Yuta who was busy sketching and turned back to face you,

“All I’m saying is that maybe it’s time to look for a stress reliever that doesn’t result in anger the very next day, you guys need to move on.”

Move on.

Doyoung’s words swam in your mind hours after the short conversation had ended and you wondered if it was indeed time to move on. You looked up from your desk and to your surprise Yuta’s eyes were locked with yours as he twirled a lollipop in his mouth.

The issue was, as much as you hated him you couldn’t deny he was so goddamn hot. From the long hair to the edgy attire, physically he was your type. Personality on the other hand, it was like nails against a chalkboard.

Unbearable.

You kept your eyes locked with him until he slowly pulled the sweet out of his mouth, licked his lips and blew you a cheeky kiss from across the room.

“Moron” you mumbled and shook your head trying to ignore his devilish motives and get back to work.

Doyoung was right. You definitely needed to find someone to distract yourself from Yuta’s hold over you.

———————————————————————-

It was the night of the launch and everybody showed up with their own rides and  began mingling with former clients and partners. You arrived with Ten and Lucas who already decided to pre-game drinks just in case ‘there wasn’t enough at the party.’

“Hey please do us a favor and not hook up with Yuta tonight” Ten wrapped his arm around your shoulder as the two of you maneuvered through the groups of people. “Not planning on it” you replied in his ear, “and besides Doyoung already beat you to that pep talk.”

“Doyoung ?” Ten wrinkled his nose before ordering the two of you a mojito from the open bar.

“Yeah he said that I should move on, possibly find a new hookup” you shrugged, retrieving the drink and headed to a balcony that overlooked the first floor of the launch party. There were bodies of people everywhere, networking, checking out merchandise or just getting plain wasted.

“Seems like Lucas has already been cut off from the open bar” Ten pointed out, watching the tall man try to push his way back to the bar but the bouncer refused him to do so.

“Let me go help him out, I'll catch up later” Ten sighed and gave you a pat on your shoulder, “and yeah find a new hookup, if Yuta gets to sleep around so can you.”

You watched Ten disappear into the crowd and twirled the glass in your hand wishing what he had said was that easy.

There were no rules about hooking up with other people or just any reinforcements in general when it came to you and Yuta. But you we’re well aware of his loose sex life. There were many times where Yuta ended up going home with some random person if he wasn’t in the mood to hook up with you. But You on the other hand, never bothered these days because you were either too busy or whoever you met just ended up boring you to death.

“Y/n ?” You heard someone say from behind you and to your surprise it was a face you hadn’t seen in years.

“Jeno ? Oh my God” you quickly gave the blonde boy a quick hug, taken back by how much he had filled out since high school.

Jeno used to help you out from time to time during proms and fashion shows, lending out his strength to build anything from sculptures to installation art in the city.

“I was wondering when I was going to bump into you at one of these shows” his bright smile turned his eyes into crescents as he joined you at the balustrade. The Jeno you knew in high school was a lanky shy kinda guy but the Jeno you saw now was confident, mature and outright gorgeous.

“I’m quite surprised seeing you here actually” you chuckled shyly, “I didn’t know you’d pursue anything in this field to be honest.”

“Wow” Jeno mouthed and cutely grinned, “hmm that kinda hurt considering I’m the one who made the centerpiece of this entire launch”

Your eyes widened as you looked down at the structure of colored sharpies bound together to create a giant rubix cube in the middle of the party. “Holy shit that’s awesome my boss would absolutely love you” you gasped, knowing Taeyong absolutely loved installation art especially at a large scale like this.

“Oh who’s your boss ? I’m actually a free agent right now” Jeno replied and you quickly remembered the reason you were even at the launch in the first place. “Wait! We’re looking for recruits right now, let me just tell the others about it” you said excitedly, handing Jeno your drink and pulled up the group chat on your phone.

A few minutes later everyone confirmed the meeting place of a private room located on the second floor, quiet enough for a quick interview and decision. The best part of this job was everyone was so connected that there was no need to go through the process of a full portfolio look and a million interviews, all you needed was a trusted ally within the group to vouch for you and you were already one foot in.

“Ten and Yangyang took Lucas home after he tried to challenge the bartender to an arm wrestling match” Johnny entered the room and sipped his whiskey while Renjun and Sungchan followed close behind him. Taeyong and Doyoung stood in front of the room discussing something amongst themselves while you and Jeno took a seat on the burgundy couch.

Yuta entered shortly after, drink in hand and you noticed his eyes narrow in on Jeno who sat close to you. “Okay everyone who’s able to make it is here let’s get started” Taeyong clasped his hands together, “everybody this is Jeno Lee and a long time friend of y/n.”

“Not that long but yeah we did work together” Jeno chuckled and got to his feet, “well I’m an installation artist, I actually made the centerpiece in tonight’s launch.”

“Wow, it's amazing!” Renjun complimented and Sungchan agreed, giving Jeno a thumbs up, “yeah man that piece is brilliant.”

Jeno smiled from ear to ear as the meeting proceeded with everyone going through a few of Jenos works and what he could bring to the team. While your teammates concentrated on Jenos work all you could concentrate on was Jeno himself.

You wondered if Jeno knew how gorgeous he was in his effortless tank top and denim jeans combo. You hoped no one caught you staring but someone was well aware of your actions.

Yuta watched how you looked at the young guy, he wasn’t stupid, he knew when you found someone attractive and the way you were ogling Jeno right now, he didn’t like it at all.

The meeting ended and everyone welcomed Jeno to the collective. Johnny gave him a few pointers on which coffee to order from the cafe next to the office and Sungchan exchanged gamer tags with his new friend.

“I’ll see you guys on Monday” you waved as everyone exited the meeting and before you could make your way to catch up with Jeno and Sungchan you were being pulled back into the room.

“Your place or mine ?” Yuta mused and snaked an arm around your waist, looking down at you with dark eyes.

“Neither” you responded, “I’m gonna hang with Jeno and head home, you should find that little damsel to play with”

“Don’t be difficult y/n we're long overdue for our therapy session now” he groaned, pressing his lips to your ear and jaw. As much as he aroused you by just breathing you thought about what Doyoung had said, you needed to move on from this mess.

“Listen I think we need to just stop our sessions” you stepped away from him leaving Yuta slightly taken back from your actions, “let’s move on, be out of each other’s way and not make the group uncomfortable okay ?”

Yuta watched you press your lips together and finally make your exit, leaving him completely alone. You denied his advances for the first time since the two of you started sleeping together and something in him broke.

————————————————————————

Monday came around and the whole team buzzed about Jeno joining the team. Usually a new recruit would hang downstairs with the part time designers but because Taeyong trusted your judgement on Jeno, he was able to integrate with the team.

“Man that Jeno guy seems real chill” Yangyang hopped alongside Johnny and Yuta who were doing the morning coffee run. Yuta kept his composure despite knowing he wasn’t a huge fan of someone new joining the team and throwing off the dynamic. Hands in his pocket he ignored Yangyangs endless questions about the meeting, allowing Johnny to entertain the eager young boy.

“All I know is that having Jeno around means I don’t have to do all the carrying when Lucas bails on me” Johnny sipped his drink as they made their way back to their office. To their surprise Jeno had just arrived, looking like a lost puppy as he examined the names of the floors next to the secretary desk.

“Speak of the devil” Johnny threw his arm around Jeno, startling the boy and led him over to the elevator, “we’re at the top floor newbie, make sure to get an access card from Taeyong.”

“T-thanks” Jeno grinned and bowed politely to both Yuta and Yangyang before stepping into the elevator. The other guys barely bothered with Yuta’s reaction to Jeno because he rarely liked anyone enough to show any sign of enthusiasm. Jeno wasn’t going to change that.

The elevator opened to the top floor and Jeno awed at the chilled atmosphere you all had created here. From Ten’s thousands of plants around the room, Taeyongs fish, a pool table brought in by Lucas and gaming stations set up by Sungchan, it looked like paradise.

“This....is so cool oh my God” Jeno stepped in, his eyes wandering all over the place until it locked on you hanging over at the fish tank with Taeyong.

“Y/n!” Jeno jogged over and you greeted him with a wide smile and a tight hug, “Jeno you made it!” You gleamed. Jeno quickly shook Taeyong’s hand unsure of how formal of a boss he actually was.

“Whoa I feel like a principal” Taeyong giggled as he dropped a few fish flakes for his babies. “Wow, does everybody have their own cubicle ?” Jeno strolled around the room taking a peak at the vast versions of decor each cubicle adorned.

“Yeah” you responded, “but I don’t think yours is ready yet right Doyoung ?”

“That’s right,” Doyoung replied and folded his arms across his chest, “you don’t mind sharing for the week do you ?”

Jeno shrugged and looked over at you, “I was hoping to catch up with y/n anyway, I don’t mind sharing if it’s okay with you ?”

“It’s perfectly fine” you assured him and gestured over to your cubicle, “me casa is su casa.”

“I’m just gonna need some admin stuff sorted Jeno can you join me for a bit ?” Doyoung asked and Jeno nodded, giving you a quick hug before heading off to the administration offices with Doyoung. You watched the blonde guy exit and something just felt so much brighter in the office. You felt a sense of excitement of what’s to come now that Jeno was back in your life. But like all sunny days there always comes a thunderstorm and yours was staring you down like he was waiting to rain on your parade.

“What ?” You blinked, and Yuta shrugged as he peeked into your cubicle. “It’s a bit small isn’t it ? Don’t think two people can work in here” he raised his brow and looked over at you.

“It’s fine” you sighed and pushed past him, “it’s only for a week and he’s not a stranger to me, why do you care ?”

“I don’t” Yuta mumbled, dragging his feet back to his cubicle leaving you questioning his slightly odd behavior. Your mind quickly snapped out of it when Jeno had made his way back, that bright smile spread across his face and suddenly it felt like sunshine filled the room once more.

“I’m back!” He sang and pulled a chair opposite you, retrieving his laptop already looking like a regular in the office.

“Did Doyoung tell you about tonight ? Our little welcoming party over at Kleo’s Sky Bar ?” You asked, skimming through your emails for the day. “Oh, yeah he did, I mean you guys don’t have to do all of this” Jeno chuckled shyly, those pretty eyes distracting you for the third time that day.

“Nah we do it for everyone, and it’s better you know everyone drunk to avoid future surprises” you pointed over to Lucas who was coaching Yangyang through a trick shot at the pool table.  “Gotcha” Jeno nodded, as he watched one of the balls fly off the table and nearly knock Renjun in the back. It was chaos absolutely everyday in the office and you knew Jeno was going to love it here.

But even with Jeno in front of you, your new distraction, your new beginning, like Doyoung and Ten had said you needed, it was a habit at this point to look across the room, wondering what Yuta was up to. You watched him remove his cardigan, exposing his arms in those loose tank tops he always loved to wear as he concentrated on a sketch in front of him. Thankfully he was fully immersed in his work for once to take notice of your eyes on him. You continued observing him, watching him nod along to probably some alternative song blaring in his headphones as he sketched away on his iPad. He was so effortlessly attractive when he wasn’t aware of it.

You needed to snap out of this daydream.

“So are you seeing anyone these days ?”

“Hmm ?”

Jeno laughed as you finally realized that he’d been talking to you and you mentally cursed yourself for even being distracted by Yuta of all people.

“I’m sorry..Uhm no I’m not seeing anyone” you replied, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and Jeno nodded cutely, “uh good...uhm not good that you’re alone but I was hoping you weren’t...God I’m still so bad at this”

You felt your cheeks heat up seeing Jeno fumble over his words and get nervous about asking you such a question. He was so adorable and something in you also wondered if he was like this in a relationship, or in the bedroom.

Was he dominant ? Was he passive ? Yuta was very dominant and you’d even rile him up to the point of him making you shut up with his actions.

“Y/n ?” Jeno waved his hand in front of your face and you shook your head, you couldn’t believe you did it again. What the hell was wrong with you ?

“Oh my God Jeno I'm so sorry...these emails are just a pain in the ass” you lied but thankfully Jeno took the bait and nodded, “it’s okay I’ll let you get back to work, I was going to go down to the cafe, do you want anything ?”

“Yeah a cafe latte would be great thank you” You felt guilty but it was still only two days since you decided to cut off Yuta so adjusting was going to take a bit of time.

Jeno had left for the cafe and you quickly dove straight into your work, hoping the time would just fly by. That was until you heard a knock and watched Yuta saunter into your cubicle and take a seat right in front of you. You watched him prop his elbows on the table and his piercing eyes narrowed down on you as if he were waiting for an answer.

“Why are you here ?” You questioned him, doing your best to divert your attention from his chiseled arms and exposed chest.

“I want an explanation,” Yuta said calmly, his voice deep and monotone.

“To what ?” You knew fully well what he was talking about but you were really  not in the mood to talk to him about this.  Yuta sighed and cocked his head to the side, clearly annoyed by your response. “Why the fuck are we calling it quits when we are nothing to each other ? Can’t we just hook up and ignore each other as usual ?” You sensed the annoyance in his voice. Denying him that night was indeed eating him up since you’ve never done it before.

“Yuta that’s the whole point” you rubbed your temples, “if we are nothing to each other then we shouldn’t be hooking up, it just ties us together for absolutely no reason.”

Yuta stayed quiet for a bit and eventually just nodded, “fine do whatever you want I guess.” You watched him walk out, not bothering to give you a second look and you wondered if the unsettling feeling you were experiencing in this moment was how he felt two days ago.

Nothing made sense.

————————————————————————

The evening arrived and everyone was in good spirits because you were all headed to one of your favourite spots in town. “Lucas you gotta do karaoke tonight” Sungchan threw his arm around the large brown haired man as they entered the bar. “Hmm give me a few rounds of drinks first” Lucas stuck out his tongue as he gestured to the waitress to get the gang the usual table.

Thankfully tonight the bar was fairly empty which meant that the gang could really loosen up without the prying eyes of strangers wishing you’d all just leave.

“Wow this place is pretty cool” Jeno gleamed, allowing you to enter the booth first like a true gentleman before scooting right in next to you. Yuta opted for the seat at the very end as usual, so he could sneak off to smoke without bothering any of friends every couple of minutes. The position also gave him a clear view of you and Jeno who were snuggled up in the corner already lost in your own private conversation.

“Beer ?” Johnny nudged Yuta, snapping him out of his fixation. Yuta nodded and slumped back in his seat trying his best to focus on whatever Renjun and Yangyang were talking about. It’s not like him to feel this way. Usually by now he’d be seated next to you, annoying the shit out of you until he saw those pretty eyes glare at him with rage. Then after you’d have a few drinks you’d be leaning on his shoulder, playing with his rings until he offered to take you home, and then-

“To Jeno!” Lucas yelled, lifting up a shot glass of God knows what and rallied everyone to join in on his toast.

“To Jeno” you grinned leaning into Jeno’s side and clinked glasses with him. Jeno felt warm, comforting, he made it so easy for you to just enjoy having him around rather than it being a task. That’s what a healthy relationship was like wasn’t it ?

“Jeno Im glad and also sorry that you have to join the most annoying group of people ever” Doyoung half smiled and Taeyong waved his hand, “we’re not that annoying Jeno I promise” the pink haired boy reassured him despite Renjun and Ten agreeing with Doyoung’s words. Jeno just laughed it off and turned to you with a bright smile as he draped his arm over your shoulder,

“Kinda feels like fate that I bumped into you huh?”

You know he may have been joking but Jeno was really unaware that his presence really was the antidote to getting rid of the Yuta situation. The team loved him, he was someone you knew and could trust, it was all right there for you, written on paper. Nothing could possibly go wrong… right ?  

“Fourth round is on me” Taeyong held up his card to the waitress despite his tired eyes were quite evident. Everyone was well over tipsy and Lucas had already entertained the bar with his beautiful rendition of “Starboy” by The Weeknd and Johnny stepped in as his air guitar player in the back.

“Gotta go to the bathroom!” You whined while Jeno helped you to your feet as you pushed your way past a sleeping Renjun and a spaced out Sungchan. You could tell tonight was going to take a toll on everyone tomorrow morning.

You quickly exited to the back where the bathrooms were located. You walked down the dim hallway, mentally thanking yourself for not overdoing it with the alcohol as each step became darker and darker.

“Watch your step” someone said and you turned around to see Yuta leaning over a railing with a cigarette sticking out of his mouth.

“Yeah” you managed to say and entered the bathroom before he could say anything else. The lack of alcohol didn’t stop the intrusive thoughts of Yuta filling your mind as you stopped to wash your hands. All you could think about was if he was going to be there when you walked back. Was he going to say anything ? Was he going to do anything ?

Were you going to do anything ?

You stepped outside, head a little more muddled than when you walked in and your first question was answered, Yuta was still there leaning up against the wall looking ahead of him. You slowly began your journey back, keeping your head down to avoid any type of confrontation with him.

“Y/n….” He mumbled, reaching out until he had a grip on your wrist causing your eyes to look up at him. Why did he look so goddamn breathtaking right now, with his stupid black hair all messy and his eyes luring you in like a lion to it’s prey.

“W-what ?” You replied, unsure why you still allowed him to hold you or even have the nerve to stop you from getting back to the rest of your friends. Yuta pushed himself off the wall and turned your body so you were now pressed against the concrete and his body was pressed against you. Your breathing hitched as he ran his fingers lightly down your arms. His eyes concentrated on his movements while yours focused on his face, watching him bite down on his lip as he took in the position the two of you were now in.

“You remember a few weeks back and I had you up against this wall moaning my name ?” His voice was so low that it aroused you, making you mentally curse yourself for the lewd thoughts.

“Yuta…” you sighed but there was a hint of desperation in your voice surprising yourself but not really phasing Yuta at all.

“Yeah just like that” he hummed before pressing his lips to your jaw, and peppered kisses all the way down to your neck. You felt yourself willingly giving him access, melting into every kiss he placed on your warm skin. Yuta’s hands grabbed your waist and pinned you against the wall while your hands instinctively wrapped around his neck and into the soft tufts of his hair.

“Yuta…we shouldn’t…I shouldn’t” you breathed, feeling yourself pulling him closer instead of pushing him away.

“Tell me no and I’ll stop y/n '' Yuta said into your ear to which you responded by pulling him by his belt buckle and pushed yourself up to capture his lips. Yuta’s dominance finally showed when he slipped his leg in between yours, giving you the chance to gain a bit of friction your core so desperately desired at this point. You felt Yuta’s smirk in your kiss when you began grinding down on his thigh showing him the obedient whore you were for him. Nothing Yuta loved more was for you to beg for him, beg for his touch, need him. That was until the two of you heard footsteps and to your dismay it was the last person you’d ever want to see you trapped against a wall with the man you hated.

It was Lee Jeno.

“I’m sorry I - I’m sorry I’ll leave you guys alone-“ Jeno stumbled, he felt his cheeks heat up and made his quick exit out of the hallway.

“Jeno!” You called, pushing Yuta off and tried to neaten yourself. Yuta felt a heated sensation overcoming his body the moment he saw the look in your eye when you saw Jeno and the way you pushed him off like he was a piece of trash. Like he was nothing.

“You know maybe if you’d stop pretending like you don’t wanna fuck me then we can go back to normal” Yuta spat, not caring about the unfortunate situation that had just unfolded.

You turned around to face him and the next words that came out of your mouth you weren’t sure if you were going to regret it or not.

“You’re right Yuta that’s all you are to me and that’s all you ever will be, a good fuck for about an hour and that’s it. Other than that there’s no use for you. At all.”

You stormed away before Yuta could respond, but by now you would have heard his curses echoing throughout the hallway, the whole damn bar would’ve heard it. But there was nothing.

Absolute silence.

———————————————————————

It had been two weeks since the interaction with Yuta at the bar and what you had to him still resonated with you, wanting so badly to apologize. But each time you saw him at the office he paid you little to no attention, going on about his day peacefully and you didn’t want to interrupt that.

Jeno thankfully understood the situation and was more than willing to be the rebound guy, his only rule being that besides work related matters you needed to cut off communication with Yuta altogether.

‘It was the only way you’d get full closure and my mind would be at peace’ Jeno had said after you gave him the rundown of everything that had happened.

Jeno and you agreed to just casually date, nothing official and nothing too serious. You guys went on movie dates, cafe dates and kept the physical aspect to a minimum. It was simple. Laidback. A very normal form of dating.

“Y/n I’m gonna need you on a photo shoot set in a few hours” Taeyong peeped his head into your cubicle and you looked up at him with a frown, “I thought we were working on that rappers record party ?”

“Yeah that rapper wants you, Yangyang and Yuta to tag up the wall for a video segment of his photo shoot” Taeyong replied with a shrug and left you bewildered.

Yuta. From all the damn people he could’ve chosen you had to work beside the person who practically called trash in your last meeting.

Great.

You wrapped up the last of your work and headed downstairs to the parking lot where an Uber was waiting for you. Thankfully Yangyang  could talk anyone’s head off because just sitting next to Yuta during the car ride felt tense. Normally he’d be pushing you into Yangyang or commenting on how his tattoos were better than yours. But all he did was look out of the window watching as the buildings moved past, keeping his airpods in to avoid any type of communication with anyone.

“You guys are finally here! Good Mark Lee is waiting for you at the shoot location” a woman dressed in all black led you into what looked like a gymnasium turned into a giant canvas.

“Are we going to paint all of this ? Man this is going to take forever” Yangyang gasped as the three of you walked through cans of paint, staff members and models.

“You guys are the designers from black space who did that painting over at Jynx Club ?” A young guy approached who you quickly realized was the new hot rapper around town, Mark Lee.

“Uh yeah, that’s us” you chuckled shyly and looked around, “are we really doing up the entire room ?”

“Oh hell nah just the backdrop behind me” Mark waved his hand, “we just laid everything out for a few cgi effects but you guys, do ya thing over there!” You watched the hyped boy get called over by the director leaving the three of you faced with a gigantic piece of white board and no idea.

“Since you guys are uncultured and probably don’t listen to Mark Lee, let me be in charge of this piece” Yangyang pulled out his iPad and began scrolling through some of his sketches. “Be my guest” Yuta shrugged, completely disinterested in the topic and most likely just wanted to get done and go home.

Yangyang finally settled on something that utilized all three of your styles and you all put  on your white overalls, immediately getting to work.

The vibe of the whole job was quite chilled and because of the fumes most of the staff had left the gymnasium leaving the three of you to work in peace. “God I need to pee so bad,” Yangyang groaned as he dangled from a ladder, an aerosol can in hand and a nearly completed section in his corner.

“Dude take a break we’re way behind you anyway” you walked over to steady the ladder as Yangyang finally made his way down. “Thanks guys, be back in 20” he shot you a thumbs up and disappeared into the tunnel leading to the gym lockers.

The tension returned but it was somehow worse than ever before. Even though Yuta was minding his own business for the first time while retrieving a paintbrush he looked at you. There was no unsettling glare or the feeling that he was pissed off at you, he just looked at you like he’d look at anyone else.

And somehow that felt even worse.

“Yuta…do you mind if we talk for a bit” you cleared your throat and he looked over at you and removed one of his airpods signaling to you that he was listening.

“Okay Uhm well I want to apologize for what I said that night” you bit down on your lip, “I didn’t mean it, and it was selfish of me to even think of you like that after coming onto you in the first place.”

Yuta blinked and eventually just nodded, “apology accepted, and I can see that you like Jeno so I’m trying to stay out of the way” he shrugged and continued painting as if this conversation wasn’t that deep to begin with.

“Are you not going to get me back? Are you sure you’re Yuta ?” You raised a brow and Yuta’s manic laugh echoed throughout the gymnasium, “you want me to be mean to you ? Wow y/n that’s truly some kink you got there”

“Ugh you know what I mean” you shoved him playfully, unaware that the brush you were wearing was still wet and now Yuta’s jaw adorned a light shade of orange.

“Oh shit I’m sorry” you quickly said but Yuta had already responded by swiping his red painted fingertips across your cheek and smirked, “now we’re even.”

“Hey mine is way worse than yours!” You grumbled and flicked more paint at Yuta which then enabled a paint war between the two of you. Yuta giggled so much that for a second you forgot how silent he actually had been the past two weeks. He was back to his usual self and so were you, playfully making a mess with him until Yangyang emerged from the tunnel and yelled,  “What are you morons doing ?!”

You and Yuta stood still in the middle of the room both covered head to toe in paint but the scene was way too comical to hold in your laughter any longer.

“Yangyang we’re so sorry but look, it gave the canvas a little more color” you gestured to it and you weren’t lying, it actually did look a lot better than before.

“Fine you two can go on break, I'll finish up so we’re not sitting around until midnight” Yangyang huffed and returned to his masterpiece. “Is there a place to clean up here ?” Yuta asked and the woman from earlier on walked in and pointed to the tunnel located in the back of the gym, “there are bathrooms and showers back there, our crew provided fresh towels as well so go ahead” she smiled and you silently thanked her before heading to the tunnel with Yuta.

“God I have paint everywhere” you whined as you took a look at yourself in the mirror. Yuta chuckled as he began inspecting himself, looking at the peculiar fingerprints all over his face and neck. “This shit better not stain my skin” he grumbled as he picked away a piece of paint from a crevice in his ear.  “Tell me about it” you responded and began removing the overalls. All you could think of was jumping into that shower stall and allowing the hot water to melt away all the grime and paint when you noticed Yuta was already down to his boxers.

Your gasp made Yuta snicker to himself as he walked around the bathroom looking for the ideal stall to take his shower in.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before” you heard him say before hopping into one of the stalls and drawing the curtain. Despite his words being correct it still made your cheeks heat up with embarrassment. You guys were comfortable like this before, not now, not with Jeno in your life.

You shook your head and entered a stall opposite Yuta and a few rows down, just so you weren’t close to him but not far enough that made you feel alone.

“Fuck how is their paint on my ass ? That’s impossible!” Yuta groaned and you couldn’t help but laugh, “TMI, Yuta” you replied and Yuta scoffed, “says the person who’s responsible for this.” The banter ended and again all you heard was the sound of both showers hitting your bodies simultaneously, the air filled with steam and more unusual tension.

“Y/n ?”

“Yeah?”

Yuta was silent for a while and then you heard his water turn off. “Do you uhm mind checking if I got all the paint off my back ? I’ll uhm put my boxers on” he mumbled and you felt your heartbeat speed up.

First of all the Yuta you knew would’ve just walked over butt ass naked and pulled your curtain aside not caring at all. The way he acted now was out of character, but somewhat familiar.

“Yuta I’m still in the shower and naked” you chewed on the inside of your cheek while you waited in silence.

“I’ll close my eyes, I just don’t want this shit to dry up when we get back to work later” he replied and you heard his light footsteps coming toward you. Quickly moving your hair back and holding the curtain against your body, you slowly peeled back the material to reveal Yuta with his back facing you and with his eyes closed, like he said.

You peered down at his golden skin, taking in his broad shoulders and tiny waist as you inspected for any more signs of acrylic paint.

“Uhm yeah you have a little on your shoulder blade and lower back”

“Do…you mind…”

You bit down on your lip knowing this was already crossing the line. But you had just made up and it was your fault that he had paint on his back in the first place. It was innocent. That’s what you had to keep telling yourself while staring at one of the sexiest people you had ever met.

You began rubbing away pieces of the paint, ignoring Yuta’s whines when you used too much pressure. Your hands traced down to his lower back, settling in the dip as you tried to remove a very stubborn piece of paint.

“Ugh this one is not coming off” you scratched at it and to your surprise Yuta had let out a moan instead of the usual wincing.

“I don’t mean to kink shame but-“

Yuta spun around and glared at you, challenging you to finish your sentence but you were more concerned at the fact that the only thing protecting your nude body from Yuta right now was a thin piece of fabric.

“Yuta!” You scolded and he rolled his eyes, “oh please y/n I’ve seen it all, now can you please help me with the paint ?”

You watched wide eyed as Yuta stepped into the shower going back on his word to close his eyes and face the wall. You couldn’t believe what was happening right now but the quicker you removed the paint the quicker he’d be out of here.

“Aren’t your boxers…going to get wet ?” You watched him step closer to water already allowing his hair to soak up the warm stream. “Well you’re not gonna let me take them off with you in here and I’ll probably just go commando when we get back to the office” Yuta shrugged and you should’ve known that was one of his options since he has done it in the past.

You sighed and let go of the curtain allowing your naked body to be free and go back to work on his paint splatter. Yuta was calm and collected throughout the process, you silently commended him on his restraint, that was until he decided to turn around and look at you.

“Y-Yuta you promised” your voice was small but you still didn’t do much to cover up your body. Yuta leaned against the cold ceramic wall as he stared at you, his stare was dark, inviting you in like that night at the bar.

“I’m not going to do anything y/n unless you want me to” he reassured you, still maintaining a distance and doing absolutely nothing to persuade you. But did you need persuasion when all he needed to do was be in the same room as you?

The two of you stared in each other’s eyes for a few minutes and you had no idea who actually made the first move but there you were in the center of the shower stall, in a random gymnasium, kissing Yuta Nakamoto.

Yuta’s bare body was pressed against yours as the two of you fought for dominance in the kiss. You placed your hands on his chest to which he responded by wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you closer until his hardened member twitched against your stomach. There were no words, just actions. Each kiss only made you more desperate for him, not feeling this type of arousal since that night at the bar. He was the only person who could turn you on to the point that every image of Jeno was erased from your mind.

You tugged down his boxers with urgency and Yuta helped you quicken the process, quickly kicking away the piece of clothing and had you pushed up against the wall with your legs wrapped around his waist. Yuta pulled away from your lips with a sultry bite on your bottom lip and lined up his member with your core. He kept his eyes on you the entire time from the moment he slipped into your wetness to the harsh thrusts he was now giving to you against the coldness of the wall. You felt like you were complete, filled with the right amount of passion and ecstasy. God you hated to admit it but nobody could fuck you the way Yuta did. Absolutely no one.

Yuta slowed down his thrusts and you brought your feet back to the ground, gesturing for him to take a seat on the floor and got on top of his member once more. Yuta threw his head back as you rode him relentlessly, grabbing onto your ass as he tried to meet your rhythm. The sight of him partially under the water and his swollen lips was delicious, you couldn’t ask for a better view right now. Yuta on the hand was also enjoying having you bounce on his length, quickly realizing that the women he had bedded during his time without you were not worth it. Not a single one of them made him feel the way you did. Even the times you guys were fucking around he’d sleep with other women because he didn’t want to admit that you are his best. You will always be his best.

“G-gonna cum” you panted and Yuta quickly rubbed circles on your clit to help you reach your orgasm. He watched your body spasm and you threw your head back with a soft moan. The sight alone made him come undone straight after you, filling you up completely.

You slowly got to your feet with the help of Yuta offering his hand and managed to finally catch your breath.

What the fuck did you just do ?

“Before you say this was a mistake and you hate me, hear me out” Yuta spoke up, “I need to know something”

You bit down on your lip. “Yeah?”

“Do you like me ?”

“What ?” You quietly questioned and Yuta sighed, rubbing his temples, “do you like me y/n ? actually like me ? Or is it you just like fucking me ?”

“I don’t know Yuta you know that I’m seeing Je-“you began explaining before Yuta quickly cut you off. “Don’t say his name, listen I know you like fucking me because that’s what happened right now despite whatever feelings you have for…Jen..him.”

“So what am I supposed to do ?” You asked, still unsure of how you were even going to face Jeno back at the office after this.

“Use me,” Yuta deadpanned, “keep me as your dirty little secret and I won’t tell a soul. I just don’t want this to end. I’m fucking addicted to this, and clearly you’re in need of me just as much as I need you.”

Yuta took a step forward and cupped your cheek with the palm of his hand. “I just crave you all goddamn day and nothing is fulfilling that need until right now.”

You knew exactly what he was talking about but you couldn’t bring yourself to share how much you ached for him. Late nights when you were alone you even pleased yourself with memories of him. You were unsure if it was lust at this point or you actually missed being around him. Despite every fight and argument the two of you had, there was something always drawing you in.

“First of all I don’t hate you” you sighed and he chuckled dryly before you continued, “I don’t know if this is a good idea but I’m only agreeing because Jeno and I aren’t serious yet and if we are-“

“I’ll back off I promise” Yuta quickly added and you nodded, “he can’t know about this, nobody can.”

“You have my word” Yuta pressed his lips together and for the first time he looked absolutely serious. Something in you made you trust that he wouldn’t fuck this up, because that would mean the one thing he wanted most right now would fall through.

You just hoped that this little need the two of you had for each other wasn’t turning into an…obsession.

————————————————————————-

“You guys are finally back” Ten stretched his arms above his head as you, Yangyang and Yuta returned back to the office after quite an eventful afternoon.

“Wanna see pics ? It turned out great!” Yangyang grinned quickly, running over to the older guys, showing off his artwork. Jeno was over at the game area with Sungchan completely invested in beating his friend in a round of Call Of Duty.

“Hey you” you sunk into the beanbag next to Jeno who shot you a quick glance before concentrating on his next move, “your hairs wet, why ?”

“Showered after the painting session” you answered diligently hoping there were no follow up questions. Thankfully he was way too invested in his video game to care much, you really weren't in the mood for an interrogation after half a day with Yuta.

Jeno asked a lot of questions when he felt insecure about something. Even though time had been short with him, it still somehow felt like a 2 year relationship. For a young guy Jeno was pretty old fashioned, he made you pick all the date places and never bothered to make the first move physically until you hinted to him that it was okay.

He was so different to what you were used to and you were afraid that if you didn’t speed things up with him this little secret with Yuta would turn into a reality.

“Hey y/n can you help me with lunch ?” Doyoung called from the makeshift kitchen area a few feet away and you silently thanked him for distracting you from your thoughts.

“Hey Doyoung” you smiled as you began opening containers from the Chinese delivery you guys frequented. “Just wanted to check in with you” Doyoung sweetly said as he grabbed a few utensils, “you and Jeno huh ? Was that part of my advice ?”

You pressed your lips together and nodded. “Yeah I guess so, it also helps that I’ve known him for a while now and he did actually have a thing for me in high school” Doyoung cocked his head at your words and leaned in, “and you liked him back or you’re seeing something in him now that you didn’t see before ?”

“U-uhm I think he’s hot” you chewed on your lip and Doyoung chuckled softly, “you know not everything is about looks or…hooking up, do you enjoy his time ? His interests ? His company ?”

You turned back to where Jeno was still playing his video games and you did feel a little confused as to what you guys actually did have in common. “I mean…” you began, crossing your arms across your chest, “we’ve only been seeing each other romantically for two weeks I think it’s too soon to tell.”

Doyoung combed back his hair and instead of bringing forth his insight in order to make you see things clearer he just nodded.

“You’re probably right, well I wish you guys all the best, it’s better than being with someone who doesn’t care emotionally right ?”

You slowly nodded and with that Doyoung began taking the food to the dining area leaving you with more confusing thoughts than you had before.

Lunch and the rest of the evening went on smoothly. Yuta stayed out of your way and there was absolutely no sign that the two of you we’re together that day. It was easier to fake seeing Yuta since the group knew the two of you would’ve been bickering straight after hooking up. It was the perfect illusion.

“Mark Lee’s party is at 9pm tomorrow night you guys, don’t forget” Taeyong looked around the room until he heard a confirmation from every single mouth.

“9pm ? Shit would it be okay if I only stuck around for an hour ?” Jeno sighed and looked over at Taeyong, “my brothers in town and I promised I'd get him from the airport at 10:30.”

“Well you’d have to show one of the guys here how to turn the installation on” Doyoung’s worried look matched Taeyong.

“I’ll be there to turn it on I’ll just need to leave straight after” Jeno assured them and squeezed your hand under the table, “it’s all really sudden but you’ll be okay right ?”

“I’ll be fine, I’m probably going to head home after the music video airing anyway” you smiled at him and he placed a soft kiss on your forehead earning a whistle from Lucas.

Yuta awkwardly shuffled at the sudden PDA and he hoped no one at the table noticed but it caught the attention of none other than Johnny Suh who narrowed his eyes at his coffee run mate.

The evening had wrapped up and everyone had already headed home except for Yuta and Johnny who were adamant on finishing a photography project for a band they were working with.

“Trouble in paradise ?” Johnny hummed as he edited an image on his laptop. Yuta, who was busy sorting out the Polaroids, turned to face his large best friend with a lost expression.

“Huh?” He raised a brow to which Johnny shook his head still staring at his screen.

“I can’t believe this, after all these fucking hellish months now you realize you like her?”

Yuta leaned in on the desk. “What the heck are you on about Johnny ?”

“Y/n” Johnny sighed and your name made Yuta’s heart race a bit, hoping Johnny hadn’t found out about the shower incident. God you’d hate him forever if anyone found out.

“Listen Johnny we-“

“You like her! After all those months of fighting I knew you were secretly in love and now” Johnny threw his hands in the air, “now that Jeno has entered the arena you have ruined your chances. Way to go buddy.”

“Wait what ?! I’m not in love with y/n!” Yuta scoffed. Saying that sentence out loud felt like a lie even though he couldn’t fully convince himself.  Was he in love ? Was Johnny mistaking love for just lust ?

That’s all it was and ever was right ?

You enjoyed fucking around with him and he was okay with it. That’s what he wanted too. Even if you didn’t answer his question of whether you liked him or not, it was okay. Whatever you wanted was okay as long he got to be with you.

“I’m not in love with y/n.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Jeno arrived at the party with Yangyang and Sungchan all helping carry equipment for Jeno’s installation. The piece was a pixel art board that formed Mark Lee’s latest EP cover, and once plugged in it gave it an animated effect, basically bringing the EP cover to life. You marvelled at the hard work Jeno had put in, it was just a shame that he wasn't sticking around to receive praise from everyone who attended.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay here ? I know how much you hate these parties” Jeno pressed his lips together as he brought you into a tight hug. You hummed and looked up at him smiling, “Only been dragged to one of these parties a million times, another round won't hurt.” Jeno responded by pressing his lips to your forehead before joining Sungchan in setting up the installation. You always wondered why Jeno opted for your forehead instead of your lips most of the time despite already having your first real kiss. You understood he wasn't big on PDA, but the only time you ever got to kiss him was at your apartment door when a date had ended or when you sneaked in a kiss at the cinema. As much as you liked his chivalry, God at times you just wished he took initiative and bent you over your kitchen counter and had his way with you. It was kinda humorous how Jeno was the ideal type of any women out there but for you, you needed an unhinged, sex-crazed maniac to match your energy.

You needed Yu-

“It looks really good Jeno.” Your breathing hitched when you heard Yuta’s voice from behind you. You turned around but to your surprise he wasn't alone. Yuta was accompanied by a familiar face, Mei, a part-time designer from a few floors down. The way she held onto his arm made something stir inside of you. Your cheeks burned up and you dare say it for the first time you felt...jealous.

You were used to seeing Yuta with many different girls but it was always some nobody that he never bothered to introduce to the group. He always made sure none of them integrated with his work life but Mei, Mei was the first person you actually knew.

“y/n its been a while, Oh my God you look great” she said sweetly and you returned a friendly smile despite your awkwardness. Yuta gave you a quick glance not really paying you any mind as he kept a steady hand on Mei’s lower back, the two of them practically looking like a couple. It made you feel uneasy. After all he had said to you that afternoon in the shower, It seemed like he didn't mean it.

“It’s perfect Jeno you really outdid yourself” Taeyong applauded as the rest of the team finally arrived, all congratulating Jeno on his first big project under Blank Space. Jeno shyly thanked everyone and checked his watch, sighing that it was already time for him to depart.

“You're going now ?” You walked over to wrap your arms around his waist. You didn't care much before about Jeno leaving early, before Yuta decided to bring a date to the party which meant you would definitely be on your own. Jeno pouted and stroked your head, “yeah, we're still on for Sunday though right ?” and you replied with a nod before sinking into one of his very warm hugs. You had no idea why, but the need to ease your jealousy and get back at Yuta was so strong that you ended up pulling out of the hug and kissed Jeno in front of everyone. Thankfully Jeno didn't shy away and maybe the guilt of leaving you made him return the kiss, wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you against your body.

“Get a room you guys” Ten joked when the two of you finally pulled away, and Jeno chuckled shyly before leaning into your ear, “let’s do that more often” he cheekily smiled and pecked your lips once more before making his way to the exit. Johnny watched as Yuta still looked visibly uncomfortable, more so now than before. But Johnny also knew how damn stubborn Yuta was and watched him throw his arm around Mei, departing from the group most likely for the rest of the night.

It was late into the night and Yuta was already way too many shots down to call himself sober. Mei was talking but he was not listening. Mei was a nice girl who had made it known to him that she liked him for a while now, but unfortunately for her she was not you. All Yuta wanted was you and again he cursed himself for being so fucking hooked. He wanted to make you jealous but after he saw you kiss Jeno it just came back to him ten thousand times harder. He came to terms with his addiction now in his drunken state he was scanning the crowd for a glimpse of the only person he cared about.

You.

“Hey I'm going to leave now...do you want to come with ?” Mei nervously bit down on her lip hoping the man she's been pining for months will finally take notice of her.

“Nah im good, I’m probably going to wait until my friends leave” Yuta replied coldly, his eyes still scanning the crowd as he took another sip from his jack daniels and coca-cola concoction. Mei nodded, disappointed that her night had not gone as planned and left silently, leaving her date to finally gain his freedom.

Yuta scanned the crowd for the tenth time until he did a double take at a figure in the back corner, dancing on their own with no care in the world. Downing the rest of his drink Yuta kept his eyes focused on you despite the alcohol blurring his vision and his body feeling heavy, he had to get to you.

You were in the same state as him, most likely worse since Lucas challenged you to a drink off. You had no clue when you separated from the rest of the group so you stuck a little corner hoping to sober up before heading home. As you swayed along to the music you felt someone wrap their hands around your waist and the familiar scent of that Tom Ford perfume made you realize who it was.

“Yuta…” you groaned, pulling his hands away from your body, still remembering how awful he made you feel a few hours earlier. God were you the rebound chick now ? The thought alone was sickening.

Yuta, still blissfully unaware that you were mad at him, still pushed his body against yours until your back was pressed against the wall and you had no choice but to look up at him. You watched him move his face down in order to capture your lips, but you quickly evaded it with a turn of your head. Yuta scoffed and sufficed for your neck, giving you soft wet kisses all the way down to your collarbones until you pushed him off yet again.

“What the fuck ?” He growled in your ear, “I thought we had a deal.” You rolled your eyes at him, there was the side of Yuta you hated the most. You wondered how long it would be until he factory reseted back to an asshole.

“I thought I was first choice” you snapped at him, “all your talk about no one can satisfy you like I can, use me y/n, I only want you” you mimicked his voice and flipped him off with your finger. Yuta knew you were jealous but it was kind of ironic given the situation. You were the one in a relationship, not him. “Oh so I'm supposed to see you suck face with Jeno but I can't have any fun y/n ?” Yuta had you back against the wall, this time his hand was locked on your jaw with his lips against your ear.

“Maybe I should've fucked Mei” Yuta’s voice was dark, you felt him smirk against your ear when his words clearly affected you, “Maybe if I fucked her she would've been so good that i would forget all about you y/n.” Your eyes darted to him and he cocked his head, challenging you, waiting to see how much you could take before you caved. Normally you’d be the one getting Yuta riled up like this. It was common knowledge that Yuta was a very jealous person and just mentioning another man sexually he would lose his mind. Once you were craving his attention and casually mentioned to him that if Doyoung was interested you’d let him screw you on his office desk, and Yuta responded by fucking you senseless in the supply closet until the only name that escaped your lips was his.

But now the tables were turned and you didn't want to hear about Mei. You didn't want to picture her next to Yuta let alone in bed with him. It was selfish on your part considering Jeno, but you wanted Yuta all to yourself.

“Shut up” you narrowed your eyes at him and grabbed a fist full of his shirt and brought him closer. Yuta traced his thumb over your lips and smiled, already knowing he won this round.

“Tell me why I cant fuck her right now y/n, tell me” he coaxed, and you responded by pulling him into a sensual kiss, your tongue slipping into his mouth and your hand palming his member until you heard him groan in your ear,

You pulled away from the kiss and pressed your swollen lips to his ear, “Because...you're mine.” Yuta licked his own lips at your words and grabbed at your ass,

“Show me I'm yours, baby.”

You had no idea when and how the both of you got to Yuta’s apartment in one piece but the moment he had his foot in the door, Yuta was tugging your dress over your head. “Fuck why do you always wear the most  complicated things” Yuta whined which you found cute even though you would never let him know that you were well aware of his adorable side. Sighing from victory, Yuta finally got your dress off and pulled you into his familiar bedroom, which you honestly missed so fucking much.

Taking in the familiar scent of his perfume and his slightly messy room, with posters on the walls, and a rack of band shirts - it was his little heaven and you loved it.

You walked over to lie on his bed, sinking into the soft fabric of the bed sheets as a familiar rock song began playing from Yuta’s stereo. You watched him as he discarded his shirt and ripped jeans, showing off his chest tattoos and belly ring, just the sight of him was already making you wet. Yuta was none the better, groaning as his boner pushed against the fabric of his underwear as his eyes took in your body, sexily laid out for him like you used to be.

“Fuck…” his lips parted as he watched you spread your legs, waiting for him obediently. Yuta crawled up onto the bed and nestled in between your thighs, his mischievous eyes looking up at yours before he began peeling away the thin piece of fabric revealing your core.

“You're…so…wet baby” he said in a low voice and leaned in to give your heat a soft kiss. The instant contact made your body shiver, reaching down to play with his dark curls. “Yuta…please” you whined as he continued his light kisses, not giving you the pressure you desired. Yuta looked up with an innocent face and cocked his head, “Why should I do it ?” His fingers traced circles on your hips and abdomen, waiting for an answer.

“Because…you’re mine Yuta, I want you…all to myself…I want to please me, only me” you threw your head back. Not having sex for over a month was really getting to you and the frustration had you saying just about anything. Yuta watched you squirm and after hearing those words he figured it was a good enough reward for his dear fuck-buddy. Yuta kissed your core once more but this time his tongue darted out every once in a while, awarding you with a better sensation. You moaned inaudible words as he began eating you out like a pro, lapping away like his life depended on it before inserting two fingers inside you.

“Yuta wait I’m gonna-“ you grabbed onto his hair, feeling your orgasm come on way too early for your liking as his fingers moved rapidly and his tongue licked away at your clit. Yuta ignored your plea knowing this was only the first of many and honestly he was glad that he was still the only man giving you orgasms for the past couple of months.

Yuta pulled away, a devilish smirk spread across his face as he watched you cum all over his fingers and just as your vision was in focus you had the pleasure of seeing him lick his fingers clean as if he just had the most amazing meal ever,

“Mmmm tasty” he bit down on his lip and winked at you. God he was so damn cocky, and it didn’t take you long to recover from that orgasm to make room for another. You got to your knees and sat back, your face now level with Yuta’s clothed member.

Yuta groaned as you palmed him, his length already twitching against your touch. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone but since the night you had called it off with him, his desire had subsided and he wondered if you were the sole reason for his high sex drive. You placed your lips against his belly ring, giving it a kiss before pulling down his boxers and allowing his member to spring free. Yuta cursed as your tongue swiped across the tip and you looked up at him with those large eyes, and Yuta knew exactly what you were waiting for. Positioning your mouth over his tip, you waited until Yuta grabbed a fistful of your hair and guided you down on his length, groaning loudly as you took in all of him.

Yuta’s hips began to meet your rhythm and the grip on your hair tightened, the sudden roughness made you shiver with excitement. You and Yuta always liked it rough, since it took out your anger on each other and any type of nurturing or romance would throw off the dynamic.  

Yuta threw his head back as he released, keeping you on him until you swallowed every bit. He muttered curse words as he pulled out and watched you lick your lips, swiping the corner of your mouth with your thumb and sucked it off.

“Yum” you mimicked his words from earlier with a smirk essentially driving Yuta crazy with lust. You giggled as he pushed you onto the bed and attacked you with bites and kisses, leading from your neck down to the valley of your breasts. “How long until you get hard again?” You sighed playfully but winced when Yuta’s teeth sunk into your skin, punishing you for your words.

“Cocky aren’t we ?” He moved back up to your lips and kissed you passionately. Just as you began melting into the kiss, Yuta pulled away and jumped off his bed heading to his closet.

“What are you doing ?” You groaned as you watched him sift through the mess of his closet until he finally retrieved a familiar box. “Yuta you’re literally hard right now, come on let’s just fuck already” you whined, knowing that when Yuta brought out that box it was his way of getting rid of your bratty attitude.

“If you wanna be impatient two can play at that game” he grinned and hopped onto the bed, pulling out his favorite pair of hair cuffs and with ease, cuffed you to his headboard. You watched him look through his box of toys, rubbing your thighs together excited about what his choice will be.

Yuta grabbed something out of the box and discarded the rest onto the floor, making his way back up to your body and pressed his lips against your ear, “you remember the safe word baby ?” Yuta pecked you when you nodded and you watched him insert a mini vibrator in your core and roll off the bed with the remote in his hand.

“I wasn’t even that mean to you” you grumbled, still getting used to the device inserted in you. Yuta shrugged and turned the device on, keeping it on a low setting as he watched you stir in his bed.

“I’m not punishing you for that actually, I’m punishing you for something else you did” he said calmly, pacing around the room butt ass naked.  You frowned and thought back to the party when he had found you, what did you say to him ?

“I’m sorry I pushed you…away” you pouted but a moan escaped your lips when you felt the setting turn higher and you watched Yuta shake his head, “nope that’s not it.” You groaned and threw your head back, unable to even think what the hell he could be on about. Yuta would get mad at every little thing so it honestly could’ve been anything.

“Can’t I have a hint or something ?” You pleaded and Yuta raised his eyebrow and eventually sighed, giving in too easily. “It happened in the beginning at the party” he said annoyingly, and finally something in your brain clicked.

“The kiss ? You’re mad over the kiss ?” Your words fell off when you felt the vibrator go another setting higher, the new speed was decent enough to start building a second orgasm. “You don’t sound like you’re apologizing for it” Yuta scoffed and dangled the remote in front of your face, “this goes up 4 more speeds y/n.”

“Why do I need to apologize for kissing my boyfriend when-“

Another setting higher.

“Fuck wait Yuta” you breathed, it was impossible to even keep focused at the new speed and the sensation was now running throughout your entire body. “You kissed him in front of me to make me jealous didn't you?” Yuta questioned and you nodded frantically, pressing your thighs together to ease the intensity, “yes yes oh my God, I wanted to make you….jealous because you brought someone else…and..fuck” just as you felt your body finally build up a perfect orgasm the vibrator suddenly turned off and you were met with Yuta’s cocky smile.

“You like to have it all don’t you y/n” he hummed as flung the remote aside and knelt between your thighs that were shaking from the orgasm denial. “You want to fuck me, but not let me fuck anyone else, you want Jeno but you don’t want me to get mad over it” he continued as he pulled the dripping wet toy out of your core and tossed it to the floor. Yuta placed his hands on either side of you and looked down at your defeated face and smiled, “Do you want me to fuck someone else?”

You shook your head and Yuta undid one of the handcuffs. He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek and again asked you another question, “Do you want to fuck me ?” and you quickly nodded, earning your second hand free from the cuffs allowing them to fall to your sides. Yuta placed his hand around your throat and squeezed gently, smirking as you arched your back, thirsting for him so desperately.

“Who would fuck you better, me or Jeno ?” Yuta mused as his hand released a bit of pressure on your throat. “Y-you” your voice was small and Yuta released your throat and his hand moved down to smack your thigh.

“Say it, say who will fuck you better” he hissed.

“You Yuta, you will fuck me better than anyone…better than Jeno” Yuta grinned at your words, a little surprised that you used Jeno’s name in such a blasphemous way. He was in euphoria at this point. It was all he needed to hear after continuously seeing you and Jeno look as if you were in love with each other.

It was all wrong.

You and him loved each other.

Fuck. He loved you. He really did.

Yuta pushed his length into your core and groaned as the realization of his thoughts and his conversation with Johnny all hit him at once. The sight of you beneath him, moaning his name and your confession that you wanted him over Jeno. It was all too much.

You moaned as he thrusted into you, his hips violently hitting against yours as your nails dug into his lower back. The lewd sounds filled the room and for a second the two of you looked into each other’s eyes, both feeling something…different. Usually Yuta would be fucking you from behind, his favourite position because he loved looking at your ass but tonight especially after his sudden questioning, he took care of you differently.

You don’t know what came over you and it was yet another thing you never did during sex but you pulled him down to kiss you. Your lips moved passionately against his, desperately clinging to his body as his strokes became longer and more powerful. Yuta sighed into the kiss, palming your cheek and his movements suddenly became more gentle as if he were making love to you, not fucking you.

“Yuta…I’m close” you moaned into his ear, loving this new feeling of him on your body. Yuta hummed in response and quickened his pace, making sure to sneak in a kiss every now and then until he finally brought you to your long awaited orgasm. You watched him bite down on his lip as he thrusted into you, chasing his own orgasm until he pressed his against your ear and said the words you never thought you’d hear from him.

“I love you y/n”

Your body slightly froze as Yuta finally came and he rolled off your body, mentally cursing himself for allowing those words to escape his mouth at this moment. But it’s what he felt.

Johnny was right.

“W-what ?” You finally managed to say and turned to him. Yuta licked his lips and kept his focus on the ceiling above him.

“You heard me right” he said calmly and you felt your heart race. Where was this coming from ? He was the one who always implemented the no romance rule and he chooses now, the moment you’re seeing someone else to confess to you.

“I have to go” you murmured and jumped off the bed, starting to collect your clothes from the floor. You heard the bed creak and Yuta sat up and watched you dress up. “It’s late now y/n and you drank, stay the night and leave when the suns up” he insisted, eventually grabbing his own boxers,

“Here you can sleep in one of my shirts and you’re welcome to sleep in my bed for the night.”

“Y-you…that was one of the rules…no staying over” you were biting on your nails, everything that had happened in the last ten minutes made no sense. Yuta shoved the shirt into your hands and sighed, “Look, we don’t have to talk about what I said or what happened, just stay the night and you can go back to your perfect life with Jeno.” Yuta began making his way to his door when you grabbed onto his arm making him stop in his tracks,

“Where are you going ?” You asked him softly.

Yuta looked at you and sighed, “I’m going to sleep on the couch.”

“Yuta..”

“What ?”

“Stay with me.”

—-—————————————————————

You had no idea why you had told him to stay in bed with you considering all that had happened a few minutes ago. But here you were, curled into his chest listening to his heartbeat as he lightly stroked your hair.

“How…long ?” You broke the silence and felt his heartbeat slightly race, “The realization came recently but I’ve…always liked you y/n” Yuta responded softly.

“Well you don’t have a good way of showing it” you rolled your eyes and Yuta’s soft laughter filled the room. “Well at first you actually were annoying but I did find you cute” He replied and shifted until you were on your back looking up at him,

“You put up with me and we’re not afraid to fight back. You know it’s not even about the sex, I think we’ve always enjoyed each other’s company, we just have a weird way of showing it.” You listened to his words and did a bit of reflection for yourself. You were already well aware that he occupied your mind 24/7 and did not enjoy seeing him around other girls he would eventually sleep with. But was this…love ? You weren't so sure.

“Do you ever think it’s more of an addiction rather than…love ?” You looked up at him, hoping your words did not offend his sudden confession in any way. Yuta sighed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling deep in thought.

“What is love then ?” He murmured, clearly by the look on his face he had been pondering on this question for a while now. You joined him in laying on your back and looked up at the ceiling, “love is when the other person completes you” you began, “when you’re having a dull day and just the sight of them could turn that around. Love is wanting to protect that person all the time, it’s just love.”

Yuta turned to you, “have you ever been in love ?”

You shook your head. “I don’t think so.”  Yuta shrugged and returned his focus above him, “whatever you just described is how I feel, but maybe I’m just still hung up on the Jeno situation.” You felt a pang in your chest as if you just completely destroyed his spirit. You always saw Yuta as a strong confident presence, yet the person next to you seemed lost, he looked broken. But deep down you knew that whatever he was describing had floated in your head from time to time, maybe it needed to be said out loud for you to finally realize.

“Give me a week”

“Huh ?” Yuta’s eyebrows raised at you.

“Give me a week to figure all of this out and we will have this talk again” you sat up and looked back at him. Yuta propped himself up on his elbows and shook his head, “y/n, if you don’t feel the same way it’s okay I won’t come in between you and…Jeno anymore.”

“Yuta”

“Hmm?”

You pulled the boy by his shirt until you were able to lock your lips with his, slipping your tongue into his mouth and he mimicked your actions before pulling away, a confused expression spreading across his face.

“I don’t know where this is going to go and whether we’re right for each other,” you chuckled dryly, “but I will always want you Yuta, you’re not coming between Jeno and I because the one who wants… .”

————————————————————————

It was finally Monday and you already regretted seeing Jeno at the office since you faked a terrible hangover to get out of the Sunday date, something that wasn’t entirely a lie. You spent the whole of Sunday laying in your bed thinking about the night you spent with Yuta and all that was shared during the morning.

You thought back on your own words about what your version of love was. Protecting someone. You reminisced about the days when Yuta got sick after a night out and you were the one to take care of him despite his protests. You thought back to when the two of you were working on a project, arguing as usual and you managed to slip on a wet paint spot, causing you to sprain your ankle. Yuta was the one to help you around the office when needed, he wasn’t appointed to you nor did he have to use up his own time to help you but he did it anyway.

When you were having a dull day the person you loved would find a way to brighten it up, just the sight of them was enough. There was an occasion where a client got real mean with you in the office, and hated the project you worked almost a month on, refusing to pay you for the labor you had put in. Yuta had seen the commotion and joined you in your booth and the two of you flooded the clients company with hilarious bad reviews anonymously until you were literally tearing up from laughter. That was one of the rare days the two of you didn’t get into an argument and the moment completely slipped your mind. You had  forgotten that Yuta and you actually shared fond memories of each other outside the bedroom.

You thought about every moment you got to the office and Yuta would be sticking his tongue out at you, calling you names and being a jerk as usual. But days when he had to work out of the office felt boring, empty, it wasn’t worth sitting in your cubicle without seeing him across from you.

But then after feeling the warm fuzziness of knowing Yuta felt the same way about you, your phone buzzed with Jeno’s name across the screen. Why were you doing this to him ? Why was Jeno in the crossfire when all he wanted to do was get to know you better ?

All you ever wanted was a distraction from the man you were scared to fall in love with.

“Heyyy you, you feeling okay ?” Jeno beamed when you entered the office, immediately bringing you into a tight hug and ending with a kiss on the cheek. You nodded and the sense of guilt over took your body as you looked up at his cheery smile.

“I heard you guys got so wasted at the party, damn I wish I stayed” Jeno giggled as the two of you walked hand in hand over to your cubicle. “Yeah it was…crazy” you faked a smile before settling in your seat. You looked across, a force of habit and you were greeted by a soft smile from Yuta before quietly returning to his work.

“I was thinking we should go see that new marvel movie tonight, what do you think ?” Jeno’s eyes were so bright and full of energy that everytime you looked into them it just made it harder to keep up your facade. “I’m pretty busy this week but hey Friday you can come over, I…need to talk to you anyway” you bit down on your lip and Jeno’s expression changed from excited to slightly wary, clearly noticing that something wasn’t quite right.

“Is….everything okay?” He asked in a staggered voice, and you slowly nodded and reached to squeeze his hand, “yeah let’s hang out on Friday okay ?” You smiled and Jeno pressed his lips together and nodded. You watched him exit your cubicle and all that was left in your view was the only person you wanted to see today, Yuta.

Yuta looked up and caught your stare, smiling softly as he rested his chin on the palm of his hand and winked at you. It was sweet and innocent, nothing like how he usually acted from across the room. You found yourself blushing and hid your face until you heard a beep come from your phone. Opening the messenger app you were greeted by a picture of yourself hiding your crimson cheeks with the message ‘Cute’ attached to it.

y/n: didn’t take you for a simp.

yutaa: fuck off, I have a folder like this.

You stifled your laughter when Yuta sent a screenshot with a folder just of you in your cubicle. From you flipping him off, to you glaring at him clearly pissed off at something he had said, and one of you trying your best to pay attention to whatever story Yangyang was on about.

y/n: oh my god you’re a BIG SIMP.

yutaa: maybe.

y/n: well I do have ONE of you that I don’t have the heart to delete.

yutaa: oh really ?

You sent Yuta a picture you absolutely treasured of him in your bed fast asleep hugging one of your plushies. It was one of the last nights you had with him before things got sour. Normally you’d never allow him to nap in your bed after a hookup but he looked so at peace and so adorable  that you decided to bend the rules a little.

yutaa: that was a good ass nap. yutaa: simp.

y/n: maybe.

The rest of the day went on and honestly you felt as if you were on cloud nine, chatting to Yuta like he was your high school crush. Smiling every time he texted back and glancing up every now and then, waiting for him to look at you with that cheeky grin. But as reality set in and Yuta’s smile faded, you were still dating another man. Who now had his arms wrapped around your waist peppering kisses all over your neck and shoulder while Yuta looked on, not being able to do a thing about it.

————————————————————————

The team decided to head out for dinner the next day, and something in Jeno had switched. After Yuta had watched him cuddle you until the day was over, you barely even got the chance to talk to Yuta face to face since Jeno offered to take you home. He was being suspiciously clingy and you wondered if he suspected anything.

“You’re okay with sharing a pasta and plate of fries ?” Jeno smiled over at you, one hand rubbing your waist and the other holding up the wooden menu. You nodded and Jeno placed his order in with Johnny who was doing the rounds for everyone. Yuta sat across from you and you could feel his stare on you from time to time, and the moments it felt like he was staring, Jeno’s grip on your waist got tighter.

“Is...is something wrong ?” you leaned into Jeno as he took a sip of his water. Even though he was smiling, his jaw was clenched signaling that he was trying to suppress himself from doing or saying something. “I'm just really tired” he rubbed your back and to your surprise leaned in to capture your lips. It was innocent but your lack of effort to mind his feelings wasn't good enough for Yuta. Frankly he had no idea where you two stood at the moment, for all he knew you could be playing him right now. It probably wasn't the case though, but Yuta was not really used to his life getting a happy ending. The night drove on and the group split with you, Ten, Doyoung, Taeyong and Renjun seated at the table while the rest of the guys were hanging around the bar babysitting their drinks. Jeno was really a changed man since high school. He was so confident, well-built and a good socialite with the team. You watched him lean against the bar counter, drink in hand entertaining whatever story Lucas had for the night.

“So you and y/n huh ? Have you scored yet ?” Lucas raised his brow cheekily to which Jeno chuckled and shook his head, “Really Lucas ? were talking about my sex life now ?” Yuta was in conversation with Johnny and Sungchan but he couldn't help but overhear your name in the chat next to him.

“Yeah man, I'm sure she’s good too after locking down my boy Yuta” Lucas smirked and Yuta flinched when the boisterous man grabbed onto his shoulder and pulled him into the conversation. “Even though they hate each other I just know they had the best hook ups” Lucas laughed despite Johnny trying to make him shut up.

“Well that’s all over now” Jeno’s eyes narrowed on Yuta before looking up at Lucas, “she invited me over tonight and considering the type of pictures she sent me, i'm guessing it’s going to be one hell of a night.” Yuta’s chest felt tight not only at the possibility that you may have invited him over to finally sleep with him but mainly because of the way Jeno spoke about you. He probably only shared that information to appease Lucas but hinting at you sending him nudes was not something you would like the guys to know about.

“She’s really been trying to speed up the process between us too it's cute actually” Jeno continued as Yangyang and Lucas egged him on, “that night after that painting you guys did for Mark Lee she was practically begging me to fuck her after our movie date. God if my brother didn't give me all those errands I would've done so right on the kitchen counter.”

Yuta shot back the rest of his drink and stormed off as Lucas and Yangyang hyped up Jeno, pouring him another shot and laughing erratically in their drunken state. From where you were seated you saw Yuta storm off and watched Johnny run after him worriedly, making you slightly anxious.

“Yuta don't listen to them man '' Johnny huffed as he finally caught up to his friend a few blocks down from the restaurant. “I dont fucking care man I really dont” Yuta chuckled dryly and ran his fingers through his hair, “It doesnt matter because at the end of the day im still the worthless piece of shit and guys like him are God fucking sent.” Johnny watched Yuta’s expression change and he turned around to find you standing there, desperately looking between them for context.

“Yuta what happened ?” you asked in a small voice and the familiar sting in his chest returned, hearing you call out his name, following him out here while Jeno was still inside, it was all just confusing to him.

“I thought you giving us a week meant you felt the same way and I could finally relax knowing you were going to be with me y/n” Yuta groaned in frustration while Johnny took a step away from the heated exchange. You shook your head as you approached him, “yes I did, so what's the problem ?” Yuta scoffed and folded his arms. “What's the problem ? doesn't look like anything’s changed y/n. I have to see you act like the couple of the year after telling you how I felt about you ? That's brilliant.”

“I told you I would speak to him this week” you snapped, unbothered by the now random onlookers who were concerned at the scene taking place. “But fine honestly Yuta if you really want me to say it you have my permission to fuck some random girl until im finally free.” You rolled your eyes about to turn on your heels to leave when you felt a tug on your wrist and Yuta pulled you into a kiss. He held your face in his hands as he kissed you passionately, sighing as he slowly pulled away and pressed his forehead against yours,

“When I said I loved you I fucking meant it y/n, I only want you. But please, if youre going to invite him over or send him dirty...pictures atleast tell him not to tell the whole fucking world about it.”

You took a step back and frowned at his words, “What ? What pictures ?”

“The ones he told Lucas about, y/n honestly I don't care I was just mad that he was airing your business out like that” Yuta bit down on his lip and yet again you were deeply confused as to what he was on about.

“I...I didn't send him anything” you responded, “I didn't invite him over tonight and I definitely haven't sent him any...nudes.”

“Tell that to him then”

You turned around and noticed most of the team was now outside watching the commotion go down and right in front was Jeno, who by the look on his face had most likely seen the kiss you just shared with Yuta.

Jeno approached the both of you with an irritated groan and scoffed, “I was going to ignore the signs but God I was so right, you were still fucking him this entire time ?” You lowered your head and Yuta glared at Jeno, “If you knew all this time why didn't you just break up with her and move on ?”

Jeno rolled his eyes and took a step closer to Yuta to which Johnny quickly responded by placing a firm hand on Jeno’s shoulder making sure the boy was at safe distance from his best friend.

“I'm not like you Yuta” Jeno licked his lips, “unlike you I respect her, I understand that she was going back to you because you like to play around, you never cared about her until I showed up. You were threatened by the fact that you were no longer in control of her.”

“Nobody is in control of me first of all” you chimed in, “and second what’s this about me inviting you over and sending you nudes that apparently the whole fucking bar knows about”

“It's just banter y/n” Jeno shook his head.

“Banter ?” Yuta repeated, “didnt know talking about how you were going to fuck your girlfriend on the kitchen counter in front of her coworkers is banter.”

“What?” you walked up to Jeno, “W-where is this coming from Jeno ? you’re not like this.”

“Well how am I supposed to be y/n ?” Jeno raised his voice, “you wouldn't mind if he said that to you. You're always letting him get away with shit. Im the one sitting around here knowing my damn girlfriend is fucking around with someone else yet somehow still trying to forgive you and figure this out.”

“Why, though ?” you shrugged, “Is it because you want to prove to other people that you're the bigger person ?”

“Would you rather be with someone like him ? someone who will probably throw you aside after he’s bored, or someone like me who was always patient, always willing to put you first no matter what” Jeno reached for your hand, his eyes widening when you shrugged him off.

“Someone who I barely know that talks about me to my friends like im just some kind of whore or someone i've known for a while and not once shared anything intimate that happened between us,” you looked over at Yuta, “It was my one rule, the same rule I gave you Jeno and he was, Yuta is the only one who has abided to it.”

“y/n Im sorry,” Jeno lowered his voice, “we hurt each other and I want to fix that, just make your final decision...me or Yuta”

“Jeno….I apologize for using you, I'm sorry for leading and hurting your feelings” you began and Yuta slowly shook his head and turned around ready to hear the bad news that always seemed to follow him,

“But as crazy as it may sound to everyone here, I'm most like myself when I'm with Yuta, I love the person I am when I'm around him” Yuta turned at your words and instead of the sting he felt a sense of warmth. Hearing you say that in front of everyone who wanted the two of you apart, besides Johnny ofcourse, was absolute bliss.

“Who knows maybe it won't work and it will explode but I really want to try, that's the thing I'm most sure of, I really really want to try” you smiled as Yuta made his way over to you and pulled you into a tight hug.

“Let's get out of here” Yuta whispered before placing a kiss on your cheek and draping his arm over your shoulder as the two of you exited the street walking away from the mess and not even giving it a second glance.

The two of you ended up at your apartment full of smiles and giggles as you slowly discarded your clothes on the way to the bedroom. Once your back touched your soft duvet covers Yuta pressed his body against yours and peppered your skin with kisses all the way up to your ear. “I want to try something different” he whispered and you nodded in response while Yuta pulled his shirt over his head and discarded his jeans. Yuta pulled you on top of his body and returned to your lips, kissing you slowly and passionately. His touches were so delicate and nurturing that every time his fingers ran down your back you felt butterflies in your stomach. You unhooked your bra shimmied out of it, still attached to the addictive taste of Yuta’s lips. He slowly rolled you onto your back and left soft kisses all the way down your neck, down the valley of your breasts until he reached your abdomen. You watched as he pulled your underwear off, looking at your body like it was the most beautiful thing he had seen. That was it. Instead of lust he looked at you with love. He looked like he wanted to take care of you, be gentle with you, savour every moment he had with you. Your breathing hitched when you quickly realized that he inserted himself inside of you and used one arm to steady himself on the bed as he lent down to meet your lips. His strokes were slow but sharp, digging his nails into your thigh from time to time, preventing himself from losing control. Wanting to feel more of him you signaled that you wanted to switch positions and Yuta licked his lips as he watched you place your knees on either side of him and sit down on his member. “F-fuck” he cursed as you began to ride him, keeping to his wishes of keeping things calm and slow. Yuta wrapped his arms tightly around your waist as the two of you kissed in between your moans, twirling your tongue with his as your hips slammed into his.

“Y-Yuta…” you moaned, feeling a tear escape your eye as the long night and the building orgasm caught up with you.

“Yes baby ?” he hummed in your ear.

“I really fucking love you” you sighed, just the words finally leaving your mouth made you sob with joy. It felt so fucking good to finally say it out loud.

Yuta responded by flipping you onto your back and chased both his and your orgasm, fucking you with his usual intensity until you came and he followed straight after, filling the room with heavy pants and both of you trying to catch your breath.

“I love you too y/n” He finally said, bringing you to his chest and pressed his lips against your forehead.

The two of you lay in your bed both napping for a bit until the first sight of dawn began filling the bedroom. You winced at the sun and hid your face in Yuta’s arms as he grinned at your actions.

“I don't want to go to work!” you grumbled.

“Fuck go to work after all the drama you caused ?” Yuta pinched your cheek playfully, earning a nudge in his side from you.

“Anyway” Yuta continued, “I got an email from Taeyong and he said if we want we can work remotely, he gave us the Okinawa project.” You sat up in bed and turned to face him, “the Okinawa project ? Its 9 months in Japan, the same project the whole damn building was trying to get” you blinked, still unsure if Yuta was just fucking with you.

“That's the one” Yuta shrugged, “anyways he said he was going to send either of us anyway since he knows we always get the job done. Oh and he actually said something really funny actually”

“What ?” you raised your brow and watched Yuta reread the text message on his phone.

“He said Doyoung was the one who suggested the two of us be the ones to go, who would've thought ?” Yuta closed the messages and tucked himself back into bed.

“Yeah” you smiled, “Who would've thought.”

THE END