#keep rewatching the series and I just can't get enough of him

[sonicblueartist]

How strong is this lil guy?

[formulawolff]

“tending to my love” - t.w.

pairing: fem!reader x toto wolff

word count: 1.1k

warnings: reader is sick, a few curse words here and there, fluff so sweet it may give you a cavity

a/n: this request was sent to me a longgg time ago by an anon! so anon, i hope you enjoy soft toto tending to the love of his life <3 and i hope y'all enjoy the coziness! <3

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how are you feeling? have you taken medicine? has theodore checked up on you?

letting out a slight cough, you reach for the mug on the nightstand. carefully, you bring the heated cup to your lips, steam billowing into your nostrils.

the liquid is soothing, easing the ache in your throat as it flows down, the warmth flourishing into your chest.

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the mug clinks as you place it back on to the coaster. three gray dots appear, signaling you that he was not quite finished with his series of inquiries.

there's about five more minutes of this meeting and then i am taking the rest of the day off. if you need anything while i'm out, don't hesitate to let me know. would you like any sherbet or sorbet for your throat?

a giggle bubbles up, yet it crescendos into a cough, your lungs burning as you bury your face into your elbow.

once your coughing fit ceases, you begin to type a reply, thumbs gliding across the screen.

still feelin' pretty shitty. all i am in need are of some cuddles ;((

his responds instantly, and you feel the corners of your lips curl into a wide grin.

my poor schatzi. don't you fret, the moment i'm home i'm going to cuddle the shit out of you.

i hope that didn't come out wrong. you know what i mean.

i know what you meant, love. can't wait to see you. x

once you're finished with your text, you shove your phone back underneath the covers. snuggling back into the comforter, your thumb hovers over the spacebar of your laptop, resuming your favorite netflix show.

although this was about your second time rewatching the infamous series, you couldn't get enough. it was your version of real housewives or keeping up with the kardashians, as there was never a shortage of drama in the world of formula one.

since you were sick, you couldn't imagine anything more comforting than watching your boyfriend work. especially since you couldn't be there by his side in the office. you wouldn't admit it, but there were times you fell asleep to the show when the two of you were apart.

which, was the case currently, as the waves of heat from the comforter were oh so cozy. especially in your current state.

yet, you needed to resist.

it wouldn't be too much longer until he was home.

only about fifteen more minutes and he would be in bed with you, wrapping you up in those comforting arms.

meanwhile, toto wolff curses under his breath, balancing his work bag, a small tote of groceries, and keys in one hand. the other presses on his car door, slamming it shut as he fidgets with the keys. clicking a button, the car chirps in response, signaling that it was locked.

who knew that leaving work early to take care of his sick girlfriend was such a crime?

sliding the key into the lock, his wrist rotates. his free hand grasps the knob, opening the door. setting his work bag to the floor, he slips off his shoes, the tote of groceries still in hand.

making a quick pit stop in the kitchen, he places a quart of sherbet in the freezer, sliding a couple bottles of gatorade in the door off the fridge.

now, he could finally reunite with his love.

the austrian trudges up the winding stairs, ensuring that his steps were a little heavier than normal. this was habitual, his way of letting you know that he was home and on his way to you in the bedroom.

however, he doesn't hear you call out for him.

a tiny dose of panic sets in, but he fights his way through it. you just had a cold. it was nothing major, mainly respiratory. there was no reason to fret too much.

when it came to you though, toto found himself in a constant state of worry.

if anything happened to you, oh fuck. that was a thought too heavy to bear.

the moment he enters the bedroom, his heart swells.

you're buried in the comforter, hoodie of your sweatshirt pulled on, lips parted as your chest rises and falls. your laptop is only a few inches away, the sounds of voices filling the space. there's the rumble of an engine here and there, a noise that the team principal knew all too well.

the sound of a formula one engine.

carefully, he sits on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. his hand connects with your cheek, thumb tracing tenderly along your heated skin.

"did you miss me, schatzi?"

his voice is soft, brimmed with adoration. he doesn't expect you to stir, but you do, lashes fluttering, nose wrinkling in the process. at the realization that he was there, along with drive to survive still playing on your laptop, you pop up, hands instinctively reaching out.

the sound ceases as you nearly slam the laptop shut, "h-hi."

"good evening," a chuckle rumbles in the austrian's chest, "how are you feeling?"

"tired."

"i bet," raising the comforter, the team principal shuffles under the covers, pulling you against his chest.

"how often do you do that?"

"do what?" nuzzling into collarbone, you inhale traces of cologne that linger, grateful for his familiar scent, "i don't know what you're talking about."

"you know what i mean," he tuts, "do you watch that to sleep?"

"sometimes," you shrug, "it helps me sleep."

"well i'm here now," his lips graze your temple, peppering kisses all over, "i'll be here to take care of you when you wake. do you need anything?"

"no," shaking your head, your lids droop, the sleep settling in once more, "you're all i need."

"i love you," his heartbeat is steady, guiding you closer and closer to the edge of slumber.

"and i love you, toto. thank you for leaving early to take care of me."

"always," a hand slips underneath your hoodie, massaging gentle circles into your back, "i'll always be here. there is nothing more important than tending to my love when she's sick."

"you promise?" you can barely form the words, but they come out anyway.

"yes," toto nods, "i promise."

as you doze off, the team principal can't help but bring you in even closer.

sure, it was a risk, being in such close proximity to you.

but it was a risk that toto was willing to take.

if it meant that you were content, then that's all that mattered.

after all, if he caught your little bug, then it meant that he would get to spend more quality time with you.

and that idea alone was more enough to make it all worth it.

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[cobragardens]

My Favorite Good Omens Moment:

An Essay on Why It Is Cool and Rad (Part 1)

There's this moment in Good Omens that makes me cackle every time I see it and leaves me full of warmth, so here's an essay on its context and meaning, because explication and analysis are how I show love. I will try to keep my thoughts as tight as possible, but they do have a tendency to spiral outwards, and I am very stoned. Come, sistren, and get nerdy with me.

My favorite moment in the series so far occurs in 1601. To approach it we will first need an assload of context. There's a TL;DR in bold at the end of the Context if you don't fancy reading the whole assload. Key arguments are in italics and bold throughout.

David Tennant gives Crowley a very consistent facial expression every time Aziraphale says something so outlandish Crowley can't quite believe he's hearing it. It's this one:

Chronologically, we see the Eyebrows of Disbelief twice before my fave moment in 1601: once (above left) in that scene on the Garden Wall that familiarizes the audience with Crowley's face before adding the dark glasses, when Aziraphale admits he's given away his sword; once when Aziraphale tells Bildad the Shuhite that he, Aziraphale, has Fallen because he lied to the angels to save Job's children.

The Eyebows of Disbelief always signal surprise and amusement with something Aziraphale has said or done. This amusement is sometimes at Aziraphale's expense and sometimes not.

In the gifs above, Crowley is laughing because what Aziraphale has just admitted to doing is fantastic and unexpected and frankly pretty gd punk rock. He's not laughing at Aziraphale, he's laughing because he is delighted with him. The only record we have thus far of Crowley laughing at Aziraphale is this one:

Crowley laughs when Aziraphale informs him--him, a demon who has personally been through the process of Falling--that Aziraphale is Fallen and must be a demon now. As though of the two of them Aziraphale is the expert on how and under what circumstances this occurs.

And yet when Crowley sees Aziraphale's distress--not his fear of being taken to Hell, but his heartbreak and lostness over the fact that his conscience has diverged from God's stated will--Crowley stops laughing, and instead he acts very kindly towards Aziraphale. He validates the gravity of what Aziraphale has done and assures him he won't turn him in. He sits with him so Aziraphale isn't totally alone (like Crowley probably was) as he goes through the loneliest moments of his existence to that point and picks himself up newly weighted with the secret he must now bear.

And after this scene (in canon as it stands thus far), we don't see Crowley laugh at anything Aziraphale says or does again.

And he really has to work for it sometimes. We talk a lot about the things Michael Sheen is able to convey with his face in Good Omens, and absolutely rightly so; David Tennant earns a chunk of his paycheck in this regard as well. If you haven't given yourself the treat yet, rewatch the scene in Will Goldstone's magic shop in 1941 and focus on Crowley's reactions:

Tennant takes great care to show, with precision, that Crowley is expending effort not to react to Aziraphale's nervous chaos Muppetry and lack of self-awareness. Crowley is self- and socially and contextually aware enough that he knows (better than Aziraphale, at least, which is not a high bar to clear) what's cringe, what's funny, what's ridiculous, how to behave. But whenever Aziraphale crosses a boundary of normalcy, or even sanity, and there is opportunity to laugh at him, Crowley very carefully doesn't react. He doesn't interrupt him, he doesn't try to correct him, he doesn't make fun of him, he doesn't even smirk; he just watches him, as stone-faced as he can manage, no matter how bizarre Aziraphale becomes.

We should be reading this lack of reaction to Aziraphale's social and rational transgressions as powerful positive action. Go watch the Doctor Who episode "Human Nature," or literally any episode of The Inbetweeners, or read or watch Regeneration, and reflect on what it shows you about English masculinity; then consider again the depth of significance in how English- and male-coded character Crowley treats English- and male-coded character Aziraphale in an England created by an English and male-codedpresenting author based off a book written by himself and another male-presenting author. Within its context of English masculinity, Crowley's lack of reaction is not a neutral stance; it is a very fucking loud show of support.

This is not even an inference; it's stated outright in the show. Crowley himself puts it into words 422 years after my favorite moment:

You know how Crowley calls Aziraphale "angel" because the factuality of the descriptor offers him plausible deniability to any Heavenly or Infernal agents who might be listening? Remember how Crowley is a great equivocator? Crowley is equivocating here, too: he's using the cover of what Maggie and Nina will take as a disparaging joke at Aziraphale's expense in order to make a perfectly sincere statement. This is his genuine perception of one of the relationship dynamics he has with Aziraphale and how he feels about that dynamic. Crowley thinks he himself is quite witty (an accurate assessment), Crowley thinks Aziraphale isn't sufficiently self- or contextually aware to hide how strange he is and therefore frequently says and does mad things (also an accurate assessment), and Crowley is Into. That. Shit.

Okay. Now let's look at 1601.

Chronologically it's been almost 1,000 years since we last saw Aziraphale and Crowley. In 537, Aziraphale isn't willing even to consider a labor-saving working arrangement with Crowley of fucking off home out of the damp of Arthurian Wessex; but by 1601, he's worked (and met, and Arranged) with Crowley "dozens of times now," Crowley says, and Azirapahle does not correct him.

In that millienium, Aziraphale has grown to care deeply about Crowley:

In fact he may be somewhat smitten with him:

Seriously, go back and watch Aziraphale here as Crowley approaches and starts speaking to him: he doesn't start smiling until he recognizes that the person speaking to him is Crowley (but he only smiles at Crowley while Crowley's not looking at him).

And Crowley is definitely become smitten with Aziraphale:

Our man(-shaped entity) is so allergic to work he sets up a meeting to weasel, cajole, or (as it happens) cheat a coin toss to get Aziraphale to do an easy temptation for him in Edinburgh, and then in the same conversation agrees to miracle a play into success because Aziraphale gives him a single hopeful look. Crowley's got it bad.

TL;DR: The Eyebrows of Disbelief happen when Crowley is surprised and amused by something Aziraphale has said or done. Sometimes that amusement is delight with Aziraphale; sometimes it is at Aziraphale's expense. Crowley is aware of this distinction, and when his amusement is at Aziraphale's expense, he suppresses it, even when it takes some effort on his own part, and remains stocially composed. This is equivocation on his part: to Celestial/Infernal operatives lacking knowledge of the intricacies of human behavior, this non-reaction would seem like neutrality; to Aziraphale, who shares with Crowley and the audience the contextual knowledge of English masculinity's utter viciousness, this non-reaction is a profound show of support; and in the safety of support from Crowley, Aziraphale lets his weirdness blossom.

As another meta points out [link if I find it again], we also see in Aziraphale's wordless request about Hamlet and Crowley's immediate understanding of it that by 1601 Aziraphale and Crowley have developed an unspoken, coded method of communication with each other.

Now that we have all of that in mind, here's my favorite moment in Good Omens:

Ixi of Fuck Yeah Good Omens has even kindly archived a closeup of the aftermath, for Crowley, of "Buck up!" In gif 4, above, you can see that the tiny smile is an involuntary reaction that happens as Crowley's eyes widen: for a fraction of a second, he's caught off-guard. In the closeup it's easier to see that he suppresses the smile and gives a tiny shake of his head, Eyebrows of Disbelief heading for his hairline.

There are a number of things Crowley's reaction could mean and what messages it could communicate (we'll get to that in a sec), but regardless, his reaction is, unquestionably, one of surprise and suppressed amusement. This is an aspect of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship and characters that I like very much, viz., that one of the reasons Crowley likes Aziraphale (though Aziraphale is judgy and occasionally, unintentionally, horrifyingly cruel) is that in addition to being one of the kindest and most courageous beings in existence, Aziraphale is mad as a bag of frogs. Crowley does not know what is going to come out of Aziraphale's lovely mouth next, but Crowley does know there's a good chance he will struggle to believe he's hearing it, and Crowley likes that.

That's what makes this my favorite moment. What makes this moment so cool and rad, though, is its ineffability. We know from the Eyebrows of Disbelief that Crowley is surprised and amused, but any of several things could be read in that almost imperceptible headshake. Like:

What are you doing? or

Why are you like this? or

How can you be aware that you say these things out loud and yet still say them out loud? or

How has my existence come to this? this moment of listening to such insanity?

each of which is a fair and just feeling to have/message to communicate to a man(-shaped entity) who is yelling "Buck up!" at Hamlet.

But that's only if we read Crowley's amusement as being at Aziraphale's expense. And I don't think we should. Because watch Aziraphale here:

He's doing it on purpose. He is shouting a hilariously inappropriate, 100% authentic Aziraphale-brand thing over arguably the gloomiest passage of Shakespeare's famously gloomy play--right after Crowley complains about its gloominess--and he is watching Crowley as he does it. Look at his smile! He knows he's being Deeply Uncool, and he is doing it literally right into Crowley's face.

Remember that we just talked about how by this point in the chronology Crowley and Aziraphale have learned to communicate with each other nonverbally through facial expression? So what does it mean when Aziraphale responds to Crowley's grumbling about Hamlet's gloominess by smiling his minxious Mona Lisa Aziraphale smile, looking right into Crowley's face, and yelling at Hamlet to buck up? Aziraphale, in a carefully coded, carefully Aziraphale way, is joking with Crowley. His silliness in this moment is for Crowley.

So with aaaaaaallllll of this essay in mind, what does it mean that Crowley's reaction to "Come on, Hamlet! Buck up!" is widening eyes, an involuntary twitch of his mouth toward a smile, and then, his eyebrows still showing surprise and amusement, a tiny shake of his head?

Once more, with inferences:

I do propose, y'all, on the basis of this web of evidence I submit for consideration, that what we are seeing here in my favorite moment of Good Omens is the ineffable equivalent of Aziraphale and Crowley sharing a laugh.

Crowley's amusement here isn't at Aziraphale, because Aziraphale is eliciting that amusement consciously and deliberately. Aziraphale, in good spirits and happy to see Crowley, uses his Aziraphaleness to offers Crowley not only an opportunity for amusement, but the opportunity to be in agreement with him about what in this situation is funny. They're on the same side of this joke.

And his humor lands just as he wants it to: Crowley, just for a moment, is caught off-guard, and tickled--

But remember, Crowley is worried in this scene about being surveilled ("I thought you said we'd be inconspicuous here"), and he worries about audio surveillance a lot ("Walls have ears"; "Don't say that. If my lot hear [etc.]," etc.), so he's very limited in what reactions he can show or voice. Aziraphale knows Crowley must be perceived by anyone watching or listening to disapprove of his, Aziraphale's, behavior (just as he must be perceived to disapprove vociferously of Crowley's). Both of them know this.

--so Crowley suppresses the smile almost successfully, and shakes his head at Aziraphale, minutely, to say Stop. What you're doing is working, you're close to making me laugh, and if I show how much you have just delighted me, it will blow our cover of "just an Arrangement."

I offer three final data points in advancing my argument that what we see in my favorite Good Omens moment is Aziraphale successfully attempting to joke with Crowley and Crowley recognizing that overture from Aziraphale and being momentarily surprised into a reaction of genuine delight before pulling his face back under control and indicating to Aziraphale that he must stop:

Datum 1. Nothing going on with Crowley's face in this moment is accidental. We know for sure we're not seeing David Tennant react to Michael Sheen here not only because of literally every other point of Tennant's and Sheen's performances in the show, but because Tennant is wearing opaque contacts and sunglasses under film lighting and therefore cannot be reacting to anything more compelling than a level-10-lift blur because Tennant cannot see shit. Crowley's reaction is a deliberate and careful performance choice on Tennant's part, and it's underscored by director Douglas Mackinnon's choice to film Tennant in 1/2 profile to keep Crowley's eyes visible and face readable to the audience. This reaction is supposed to be there and supposed to be meaningful.

Datum 2. The husbands in 1601 is not the only moment in Good Omens when we may be seeing an angel and a demon communicate the message Stop doing that, it makes us look too familiar between themselves with a little headshake:

Datum 3: There is another moment in Good Omens when Aziraphale offers Crowley the opportunity to enjoy a joke with him. There, too, his humor lands just as he intends, so we can use this other moment as a comparison to our 1601 moment. I don't have gifs for it, but go back and watch it, S1E6 49:27-42. Snips below.

Aziraphale says something that surprises and amuses Crowley (he asked Hell for a rubber duck while he was sloshing around in the holy water)--

--but what Aziraphale says makes Crowley smile long before it makes him laugh.

In fact, his laugh, though a genuine cackle, is quite delayed, and he laughs only after Aziraphale starts laughing too.

In other words, Crowley's reaction to Aziraphale offering him amusement they're both on the same side of is exactly the same as his reaction to "Come on, Hamlet! Buck up!" right up until he laughs instead of shaking his head. Here, after Armageddidn't, Crowley doesn't have to suppress his reaction, so he can let the smile bloom; he doesn't have to control his response, so, although it takes him a few extra seconds, he lets the smile turn into a laugh.

But in 1601, it's not safe to laugh at Aziraphale's humor. It's not safe even to smile at him. A single piece of evidence or eye/earwitness testimony that he and Crowley have anything more friendly than the most passing and acrimonious of professional relationships could mean death to either or both of them, and depending on what Falling is like, maybe something worse than death for Aziraphale.

But Aziraphale is so funny, so effervescent for Crowley, at Crowley, that it catches Crowley just for a moment. Crowley's eyes widen and the corner of his mouth twitches toward a smile.

And that's dangerous. If Aziraphale keeps acting so charmingly mad, Crowley is going to laugh, and they can't afford that risk, so he shakes his head at Aziraphale. Stop, or I won't be able to keep a straight face around you.

And Aziraphale apparently receives that message, because he immediately eases off. Less than 60 seconds later we learn that he's deeply concerned for Crowley's safety--and that it's not so much that Aziraphale has Crowley wrapped around his little finger as it is that Crowley has wrapped himself around Aziraphale's little finger like a snake arranging itself on the tree branch it calls home.

UPDATE 14/10/23: HOLY SHIT Y'ALL IT GETS EVEN BETTER! THERE IS A SEQUEL!

[x-neurodivergent-reader]

Headcanons: 10th Doctor x Autistic!Reader established relationship

A/N: I've been rewatching the 9th and 10th Doctors' series recently, and found myself getting attached all over again, so I've decided to add the Tenth Doctor to my list of characters I write for! Enjoy!

The reader here is gender-neutral.

Content warnings: None.

Loves any happy stims you have! He finds that it makes your joy more contagious – and since his positive energy tends to similarly rub off on you, he gets to see you stim often, to his delight.

Like Thirteen, he’s genuinely interested in any toys or jewellery you may use to stim, and likes to learn about how it helps you. If he comes across anything that might serve a similar purpose for you during his trips, he won’t hesitate to get it for you, if possible.

He listens enthusiastically to you when you talk about your special interest(s). While he may struggle with explicit verbal affection, he more than makes up for it by giving you his full attention, and watching with sheer adoration as you engage with the things you love.

Even if you can't tell how he feels about you from his facial expression alone, you can rest assured that once there's someone else around you (especially if it's Donna), you'll be made aware by them teasing him relentlessly for his heart-eyes.

Once again, there’s a sensory room in the TARDIS all for yourself! It has everything you could need to calm down from sensory overload, meltdowns, or just feeling a bit “off”.

The Doctor won’t go in unless you explicitly allow him to – though admittedly, he's happy if you do, because he also gets some use out of some of the stim and sensory items!

While he’s often quite energetic, he knows when to calm down, if you get overstimulated. You may not always be able to avoid things that make you feel that way in your adventures, but he’s mindful in finding ways to help you endure it, at least until you make it back to the TARDIS.

Those moments where his darker, “oncoming storm” side comes out can be a bit complicated. He'll most likely tell you to go back to the TARDIS, because he doesn’t want you to get overwhelmed from seeing him like that, but he usually also needs you there to reign him in.

By the time you’re together, you’ve come to recognise this, and always focus on stopping him from going too far. He feels awful if you do get overwhelmed, so he’ll either give you some space for as long as you need it, or stay with you to help you calm down, depending on what you want.

If you lose speech for any reason, or are nonverbal, the Doctor will gladly talk enough for the two of you, and will immediately steer anyone who asks any uncomfortable questions about it away from the subject. He also isn’t afraid to call them out if they don’t relent.

He'll do anything you need to keep you safe during your travels, because he genuinely loves being with you!

[cnwolf-brainrot]

03 Turtles - Greatest Fears

At least, as sourced from season 3, episode 14: The Darkness Within. I rewatched this episode, where the turtles are shown some of their greatest fears through hallucinogenic visions, and I decided to hyper-analyze the scenes to a friend of mine who doesn't watch TMNT so now I'm throwing these thoughts here as well. Simply put, these are the visions the turtles are shown: Leonardo: the death of Master Splinter Donatello: the death of Angel (who they were trying to help on this mission) Michelangelo: Leonardo turning against him Raphael: himself as the Shredder

As for why each of these are extremely important, I analyze them under the cut~

Leonardo: Leo holds Splinter's praise so much higher than his brothers do. Leo is the eldest child, the leader, the good student and the role model. He strives to emulate his father in all that he does. However, Splinter's death isn't some distant fantasy that Leo could never imagine; it's a real, stark, bone-deep terror that Leo carries. He's seen Splinter on the brink of death before. They all thought they lost him for a bit during season one. Leo knows his father isn't invincible, and that is TERRIFYING to him. He's the one who his brothers look to for guidance, and Leo looks to Splinter... without his father, EVERYTHING falls on his shoulders, and is he strong enough to bear that? This is further proved by the fact that in the vision thing Leo sees, Splinter rescues him before he dies; he looks to his father for guidance, security, everything... having to lead alone is his greatest fear.

Donatello: Don gets like twenty seconds of screen time and that makes me mad, but what he gets is important. Out of all of his brothers, his is the only vision that's focused on someone other than direct family. Donatello is a people-focused character; he goes out of his way to help others, and constantly throughout the series we see how empathetic he is. It doesn't matter if the focus of the episode is helping a dear friend or a stranger; Donny is the first in line to help. Moreover, he takes every single life they touch personally. This is seen specifically through how he keeps a bond with the homeless population of New York (seen in multiple episodes), how he witnesses the loss of April's neighbor Kirby, and how he spends months trying to find a cure for people who were experimented on by the Shredder (seen in the Underground episodes) even after his brothers have all but forgotten about them. Don is quick to protect people, and when he does he takes every single failure to heart. Failing someone he pledged to help is his greatest fear.

Michelangelo: Mikey seeing one of his brothers, particularly Leonardo, turn against him shows so much of his relationship with his brothers. Mikey's the annoying one, the goofball, the one the others are always teasing to the point its almost mean... but every single one of them would jump to his side in an INSTANT if he was hurt. This isn't just something Mikey "knows", it's something he SEES. Every time Mikey is in trouble, or -- God forbid -- an enemy makes the mistake of THREATENING Mikey, his brothers come out in full force. I can't even reference specific episodes here because it's throughout the WHOLE SERIES. Mikey knows he's annoying, and he knows he gets on his brothers nerves sometimes. But one thing he never has to doubt is if his brothers would be by his side... that is, until they're not. If there's ever something that would push his brothers far enough that they're not there with him, then what would he be left with? His brothers turning against him is Mikey's greatest fear.

Raphael: Raphael. OHHHHHH Raphael. The second Raph's was reveal was the second I decided I needed to type out this rant. At first his is simple; The Shredder walks out and attacks him. Raph fights back, as he always does, but eventually the helmet is knocked off and the Shredder's face is revealed... only it's Raph's face. And this shows us just what Raph is scared of; HIMSELF. Raphael genuinely struggles with anger issues in the 2003 show in a way that's a bit more prominent than in other iterations (my favorite example of this is probably the "what's wrong with me?" from the episode Lone Raph and Cub). He's angry, he's destructive, and he KNOWS this. It's something he's been told and seen for years. He struggles with controlling his anger, and he's had times before when he's lashed out and nearly hurt his brothers. Most of the time he brushes it off and recovers and makes up for it by throwing himself into danger to make sure his brothers aren't hurt. What makes this so heartbreaking is that this Raphael is an absolute sweetheart. He's all brawn and thick skin on the outside, but he's an utter softie; take his interactions with Tyler from Lone Raph and Cub, Mrs. Morrison from Touch and Go, or Ryan from this episode. And that's not to mention his interactions with his brothers!! This Raphael has a huge heart for others, and he has no idea. He genuinely doesn't seem to understand the fact that he's a caring person because he only is aware of his own faults. The fact that he sees himself as this -- their greatest enemy unmasked to see HIMSELF underneath -- shows just how little he knows about who he truly is. Raphael's greatest fear is himself, and that utterly breaks, my heart. Ok I'm done that's just my turtle overanalysis for the day, thank you for coming to my TED talk

[universitysunflowers]

I rewatched Merlin for the first time in years and collected my thoughts.

Merlin was such a baby in the first season I forget just how tiny and innocent he was.

The number of times Merlin has been suspected of witchcraft and then got out of it is so hilarious like yea here’s this actual wizard but don’t worry he’s been cleared of all charges nothing to worry about here haha

accused by the witchfinder

sentenced to death as old man sorcerer

straight up confessing to Uther in order to save Gwen

Gaius is to old for this

Sir Leon puts up with so much shit from the Pendragon family

Somebody please give him a vacation he does not get paid enough for this (having to tell his boss that he married a troll was a real low point you can see him losing the will to live)

He's running on three hours of sleep and six cups of coffee

Corrie guard commander Fox reincarnated as a knight of Camelot (working for a maniacal tyrant in the most dramatic political court the world has ever seen will take a lot out of you)

King Cenred is the medieval embodiment of the King of Hybern like that is exactly how I imagine him when I read ACOTAR (Tom Ellis, as always, was a great casting choice)

Freya deserved better Ik she had to die to keep the Excalibur storyline going but she could have been such a great character (merlin was so sad bring his gf back poor baby)

Lancelot my wholesome baby you are to precious for this world you deserved so much better

I can't explain it but I just know Gwaine would have done well on book tok

Ok I know Morgana was a terrible queen and burned the crops but honestly props to her for paying attention to the paperwork

I can’t tell if Agravaine looked at Morgana like a daughter or if he was falling in love with her and honestly both are very disturbing to me.

Aithusa is the most adorable dragon look at his little face Ik he gets attached to Morgana but seriously I can’t not love him.

seeing him so beaten and abused is so sad please get him some help

We should have seen more of him with Merlin

How Kilgharra hasn't cooked Merlin like a costco roast chicken is beyond me, this dragon must have some sort of immortality driven godlike patience in order to put up with that boy as long as he has.

Gaius please get a hair cut

I’m a few episodes into season five and I hit that point where I know what’s coming and it’s making me not want to finish the show. I don’t want to but I feel like I should.

I crapped out. I made it to the episode where Gwen uses the stable boy to try and kill Arthur and then never finished the season. I knew this was going to happen I haven't made it all the way through the series in years. If I ever make it through the end of season five again I'll be sure to give my thoughts but for now I've fallen back into a Gossip Girl rewatch.

Sometimes I forgot to write things then wrote it down later so it might be out of order but whatever enjoy my musings.

[thegratefulsouth]

I really want to just talk about what is best for Carol and Daryl.

@itsmymeaningoflife got me thinking about this a lot with their perfect post a little while back. I love my job, but I get a lot of thinking time.

Sometimes I see people say they just want Caryl to stay friends. And I think, it doesn't matter what you want. The most important thing in all of this, is what do Carol and Daryl want? What do they need? What's best for them?

It's pretty obvious that Caryl need each other. They are miserable without each other. But how is their need for something beyond friendship measured?

First, individually:

1. Carol does not want to be alone. This is echoed numerous times throughout the series. In Indifference she tells Rick that she stayed with Ed because she didn't want to be alone. She enters two unfulfilling relationships, and then she sits with Daryl, in friendship, in Bonds, and tells him that he doesn't have to be alone. Because to her, being alone is unacceptable. She loves him and she wants him to be happy. And, as many Carylers have pointed out, they both do not think they are good enough for, or could offer, the other, what they need. This is why ending the series with Carol alone is kinda unfulfilling. Where is her fulfullment. Where is her romance novel? Where's her happy ending? He's in France.

2. Daryl doesn't want to be alone either. He needs freedom, he needs to not be manipulated, and he needs connection on his own terms. He has sought connection in various ways throughout the series. He joins the group in the farmhouse after Carol speaks to him. He returns to the prison with Merle. But interestingly, he can't make a commitment to Leah, not until after Carol tells him she won't be able to visit anymore (as many Carylers pointed out). Daryl needs physical intimacy as well, he craves it, and we know it's been a journey for him to get there. And the most loving and positive, unconditional and consistent physical intimacy he has received throughout the show, has been from Carol.

So to tie in the romantic element, as a rewatch Caryler (made it all the way to S6 before picking up the vibe and rewatching), I think it's undeniably in the material already. I've studied it. It's fascinating. Lots of subtle.

For Daryl (for me), it's Daryl checking Carol out in What Lies Ahead.

Didn't even know it existed until I stumbled onto Tumblr. Thanks Carylers 🙏. Because apparently he's also revving for a little attention? And Carol's kind of oblivious to it.

This man is just honestly staring at her all the damn time, but there is nothing else but pure attraction going on with this early neck crane. It's undeniable. Don't deny reality.

For Carol (again, for me), it's much more subtle, if we say she's just joking and teasing. On the bus. When she says she liked him first. Whenever she calls him pookie. When she flutters her eyelashes at him.

No, it's this position that I keep harping on about, that she adopts in his cell, that I am telling you is undeniable attraction. The body language that says "i am a delicate yet formidable force, come get me," or whatever, to that effect. She's not joking anymore. She just lost him and he came back. They are having a very serious conversation here. But maybe she's not even aware she's doing it? I think she knows she's doing it. This is serious, undeniable flirtation. Immediately following Daryl's return to the prison. Right after he left and devastated her. And Daryl's kind of oblivious to it.

So the attraction was there from the beginning, and is then recalled and echoed into the later seasons in so many stunning moments. But their timing sucked for the entire duration of the show. Daryl wasn't ready. Rick banished Carol. Lizzie had to look at the flowers. Daryl blamed himself for Beth, Glenn, Rick. Carol had to deal with Alpha.

Caryl are all unsaid things. Gestures, body language, hesitation, tone of voice, longing looks, inside jokes. And these two scenes ^^ (and Daryl's constant staring) in particular, just cannot a platonic coupling make.

The point of all of this rambling was, what do Carol and Daryl want?

1. They need to know the other is okay.

2. They need to be with each other, they can only manage a certain amount of time apart. They do better together.

3. Carol wants a romantic relationship that is real, not a fairytale. She wants to wake up in the arms of the man she loves.

4. Daryl wants to continue to stare longingly at Carol until the end of time.

So I think we can surmise that a normal, happy ending, with them waking up together, is what is best for these two, though unlikely something they have even allowed themselves to shape entirely in their minds, as something that they not only want, but need. Being held, unrestrained staring, knowing each other is safe, being together. They deserve that.

[signify-nothing]

It's been a literal fucking decade and I still have SO MANY FUCKING FEELINGS about the season two finale of Boardwalk Empire. (Spoilers ahead because, obviously). On one hand, I mourn the series that could've been if the commodore actor hadn't gotten sick when he did and if Michael Pitt had been able to keep his act together long enough to have another season's worth of story development. It's crushing that Jimmy Darmody never got a chance to rise as a gangster and really play a strong antagonistic force against Nucky the way we hoped he would.

BUT there is also something so fucking gutsy about the writers setting up Jimmy to be such an epic, early failure. I just finished rewatching the third to last episode of season two and Jesus Fucking Christ. Watching him have his last moment with Angela? Devastating. He can't even fucking laugh with her. He doesn't even know how to be remotely normal. Then later that night she and her lover get shot for his failures, and it's EVEN MORE devastating. And then. AND THEN. We cut to Jimmy, who doesn't yet know his wife is dead at home, and he's driving past the Princeton sign -- conspicuously without Richard in sight for the first time in ages -- to try to sell his shitty, watered-down liquor to the university that symbolizes every dream he failed to realize. It's a journey he has to make alone because it is more than anything else a journey into his own past.

And to think ALL OF THIS IS JUST SET UP. It's just the opening act of the end.

I simply cannot. I'm so angry about what went down but I also have so much goddamn respect. There is a reason I wrote a whole fucking novel inspired by the end of the second season of this goddamn show. Nobody does updated Greek tragedy like Boardwalk Empire. Fucking no one.

[buckybarnesss]

It's been years but I still can't believe Scott said what he said about Derek's family and the fire. I get thinking it but saying it out loud to Derek. It's just so cruel. He doesn't even apologize and Derek never holds it against him.

i saved this ask until i had rewatched magic bullet so i could answer it with it fresh in my mind.

derek doesn't hold it against scott because he knows scott is doing what all people do when they're being confronted with a reality they do not understand and doesn't make sense to them. they try to rationalize it.

scott isn't coming from a place of being cruel even if the words are to us. he's coming from a place of ignorance which is far easier to forgive.

so no it wasn't a nice thing to say and scott should've apologized but we also never see stiles apologize for his behavior in this episode either. hell neither of them ever apologize for digging up laura or getting derek arrested. derek also isn't very nice to them which leads to more resentment on scott's part. which we see playout in this very episode. they're all jerks to each other this season really.

i think it's easier for me to forgive because it's also coming from a teenager who is lives in a world where his best friend's dad is the town's sheriff and his own father is an fbi agent.

in scott's world there is justice, there is a well defined right and wrong, there are good guys and bad guys so burning down someone's house just because they're werewolves is not something that makes sense in scott's view of the world. this way of thinking is both a benefit and detriment to scott throughout the series.

his understanding of the world he was forcibly thrust into is also very limited and he doesn't have the full picture. he just had dinner with the argents and despite the awkwardness they were just people. he is dating allison who has been nothing but sweet, nice and kind. it's hard to reconcile this with the trauma he's experienced because of the bite. who ever bit him is very much a bad guy.

taking scott to see peter was derek's version of scared straight. derek knows that scott cannot afford to not understand. derek doesn't want scott to end up like him. he sees so much of his younger self in derek that it affects how he approaches the situation with scott.

it's also only after scott says this that derek says:

"they say they'll only kill an adult, and only with absolute proof, but there were people in my family that were perfectly ordinary in that fire. this is what they do."

but just like in this episode where it's stiles that has to deal with the actual reality of a dying derek seeing peter hale isn't enough to bring the message home just yet or else we'd have a really short show.

anyway i think fandom spends too much time keeping score with derek and scott. who was mean to whom and why and should they be lashed 10 times or 20 for such a transgression.

[justafriend-ql]

rewatching my school president with the knowledge that homophobia does in fact exist within the universe of the series is such a crazy experience because it adds an extra layer of meaning and interpretation to so many lines and moments that we often either overlooked or explained away during the first watch-through.

first off: the music club's rule about not having lovers as a kind-of-sort-of metaphor for society not being accepting of LGBTQ+ couples (i.e., main obstacle in tinn and gun's relationship)

the fact that tiwson knows about tinn's massive crush on gun before the beginning of the series (meaning tinn trusted tiw enough to tell him)

gun's stunned silence when tinn admits he's hitting on him during the pool scene and the kind of scared look on gun's face when he gets flustered after looking into tinn's eyes in episode 3

tinn pointedly asking gun "are you okay with that?" after he indirectly confesses his feelings by the pool in episode 5/6

gun saying "you can't control something like this, can you?" after tinn's previously mentioned confession of feelings at the beginning of episode 6

gun's anxiety about what it means to accept that tinn likes him and he likes tinn back (e.g., "has it ever occurred to you that there are things you want to ask, but you're too afraid to?")

the look of trepidation on sound's face after filming the medal kiss scene with win in episode 6 and realizing he has Feelings

everyone in chinzhilla being on board with filming a bl version of the 'just being friendly' music video (because they're all gay or allies lmao)

tinn interpreting gun's mention of the dating rule after his implied love confession as rejection + gun clarifying that "it doesn't mean he feels bad about it" in episode 6 (music club dating ban as a metaphor for homophobia again)

tinn and gun having to hide the fact that they are seeing each other while at the aquarium with yo and nook, who can openly date (ostensibly because of the music club dating ban, which oddly enough doesn't prevent yo from pursuing nook - there's that music club dating ban metaphor again)

gun repeatedly voicing his concern that it would be easier for tinn if he decided to hit on someone else (e.g., a girl)

tinn's out-of-control gay fantasies as a possible coping mechanism for the fact that he can't be open about his feelings with his family or anyone at school (besides tiw and gun)

yak telling sound he has to accept "what he's really into" in order to write a good love song (and sound clearly glancing at win afterwards)

gun telling tinn "be patient. when i win hot wave, everything will get better. at least with our friends" when they hide from tinn's mom outside of tinn's house at the beginning of episode 10 (music club dating ban metaphor again + hints at concern that tinn's mom may not accept their relationship)

tinn feeling comfortable enough with gun's mom to tell her about his crush on gun while keeping it a secret from his own mom

tinn's mom not knowing tinn could sing as an allusion for how she doesn't know about other aspects of tinn's true self (i.e., his sexuality) either

gun telling tinn that after hot wave, "whatever shitty rules there are" can't stop them (foreshadowing the hostile reaction they get to their relationship in episode 12)

there's probably more but these are the ones i can think of off the top of my head. many of these comments/moments could make sense in the context of a universe without homophobia (i.e., due to general shyness/anxiety about relationships, the music club's dating ban, etc.), but it's neat to interpret them through the lens of heteronormativity/homophobia too.

it's interesting to me that we as a fandom didn't really pick up on the fact that there was homophobia in the universe of the series as it was airing despite all these "signs." it's almost like the show was leading us to ignore or explain them away, just like many of the characters do before they're forced to confront homophobia in episode 12.

[incesthemes]

literally cannot wait to hear you talk about how supernatural 0103 is just. entirely about john's character

i HAVE made a post on this before: i think that 1.03 dead in the water is actually john's introduction episode, told through the allegorical characters bill carlton, jake devins, and peter sweeney's mother. because the character dean imprints onto and relates to is lucas, but the focus of the character is on the parents, so the attention drifts away from dean and onto john to paint a picture for the audience of who he is in his physical absence.

and the episode reveals a lot of information about john that's confirmed later in the series: that he considers losing his children worse than dying (1.20); that he's aggressive and likes to maintain control over situations (also 1.20); that he will sacrifice himself to protect his kids (2.01); so on, so forth.

but i missed something originally—or rather, i couldn't figure out the true, intended meaning of this particular, poignant line from dean: "you can't bury the truth. nothing stays buried."

it's a pretty big line. it's obvious foreshadowing. but i did my first rewatch of season 1 six months ago while i was half-paying attention and i couldn't remember the finer details, so i moved on. but! this is a line about sam (it's always about sam in the end, isn't it?).

dean says this in response to jake and bill attempting to cover up peter's murder. it happens when sam and dean are literally digging up peter's bike which bill and jake had buried thirty-five years ago. these two men had a secret, and nothing stays buried.

john has a secret, too. he knows about sam's connection to azazel. we don't know how long, exactly, he's known this, but it's safe to say he's known that sam is the target of something evil since the night of the fire, and by the time we get to the mid-season episodes, john has figured out this something is a demon. by 1.21, we know that john knows there's a distinct, unnerving connection between sam and the yellow-eyed demon.

and by 2.01, we know that john knows enough about all of this to understand what sam's destiny is and that he and/or dean are the only people who can prevent it.

he keeps all of this a secret, right up until the moment he dies. but no matter how hard he tries to keep the truth buried from his kids, it leaks out—sam has visions before jess dies; sam has visions of the house he was born in; meg comes after him to lure him away from dean; he finds max and realizes there are others like him; he finds meg again and she uses him as bait to kill john. and then there's the whole of season 2 on top of that.

it's a prophecy. you can't bury the truth. nothing stays buried. john was fighting a losing battle; the truth will always be found, and there was nothing john could do to stop sam from learning it, just like jake could do nothing to stop andrea from learning about the murder he committed three decades ago.

1.03 is about john, and it's about season 1. it's every step john will take from now until his death: from hiding the truth to watching it leak out from between his fingers to sacrificing himself to the monster to save his dying son. lucas is dean, jake is john, andrea is sam, and peter sweeney is azazel killing everyone around john and his kids until he's satisfied, until john offers up himself to bring his kid back from the dead.

[the-64th-gamer]

I FINISHED MLP YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

(Started December 3, 2022 - Ended January 1, 2024 - 413 Days)

Am absolutely mindblown to see such an amazing series go through 9 seasons and literally continuously keep getting better and better!!!!!!!

Its been very cool binging it so quickly compared to most old fandom members watching it through syndication. Similar to when I rewatched SU there's such a difference seeing ideas and characters evolve at normal pace than to sit there for years brewing in fandom content that makes you expect them to go a different path. Lots of what I've heard be controversial things like Slice of Life and Starlight in general were some of my favorite parts of the show!!

Fav episode is The Perfect Pear, I was spoiled William Shatner was gonna play someone in the series and was SO FUCKIGN EXCITED when I realized it was him and in such an amazing episode!!!!! The ending was so fucking sweet omg.

Second fav was Slice of Life cause I get it was fanservice but on its own it was a great change of pace in the season to focus on background and side characters!!! After that it feels like they focused on background characters way more and it was very rewarding.

Seeing ***every single shot of Derpy*** was the funnest part of the show, I have personal screenshots of every single time I spotted her and stopping in the middle of songs or big fights just to scream and snapshot them was such a fun scavenger hunt. It made me go NUTS to see them do actual stuff on screen (ESPECIALLY THE SCENE IN BEST GIFT EVER WHEN SHE FINALLY GOT TO SPEAK IN FOREVER). It was also hilarious to see all the error derpies with fucked up colors and hair!!!!! It stopped in the later seasons except a time where she had a purple eye in a single shot, and one where she had big mac's face???? I was having a blast.

Similarly I was also just watching every single background character all the time every time, got to figure out which ponies would be used for which locations, when they'd appear in other places, which special ones could show up anywhere, which ones would do funny stuff, seeing new super cute background characters come in like Sweet Biscuit and Rainbow Stars!!! As someone hyperfocused on stupid stuff this was so fun watching the background nonstop.

Favorite season was season 6 or 7. Starlight was a great link for the episodes and it was the most normal seasons while the writing had gotten really good. Season 8 and 9 are still super good and I love that they were so willing to be bold and change things up a ton to keep interest, but 6 and 7 are closer to the usual baseline episode stuff so they're the best to go back to if I wanna rewatch.

I think the early seasons were still looking for a longterm identity for the show but I think starting season 5 it became this really great constant escalation of things. I really expected the show to just linger around the same ol' topics but it it kept changing the characters lives, the plot, and circumstances a ton while developing old characters and introducing new ones! Out of everything I've watched so far it was like the most masterful way to run a longterm series I've seen. Never felt burnt out or that anything was dragging, but also never felt like it ever lost its core identity!

Season 9 also was just a masterclass on ending a series, every single episode focused on bringing back some side character to give them an interesting spin, or conclude some arcs left behind. There were maybe one or two normal episodes but even those didnt feel like filler! I think the show was at its best throwing new ideas out and then taking a break with a standard friendship problem episode in a normal location. After watching it I don't think there was any missing thread or interesting thing they didn't try out! (Though also the series is formatted well enough they definitely could have continued making tons of standard episodes)

I can't remember if it was season 2 or 3 but I think when they first started introducing like regular songs to non adventure/important episodes it was really off, didn't really mesh well having the show be so musical, but they definitely incorporated it better as they went along and its kinda crazy it worked out well.

BTW I've steered clear from almost all opinions on the show outside of what Ray tells me so I dont know what of my opinions are universal to the fandom, but holy shit the season 8-9 intro sucks so much ass, all of the timing is COMPLETELY lost, theres that stupid school zoom out shot thats just maud hitting a rock in the middle of the road as it slowwwwwly pans, the backgrounds are way too visually noisy in the classrooms and the castle and its just an absolutely horrible nightmare that was thrown together in a day.

But yeah great show favorite show best show!!!!! I now get to see a decade of fan content and reviews and discussions n such!!! I watched some that were time appropriate for the current season I was watching to avoid spoilers but nows time for the floodgates!!!!! I'm glad I'll be able to hold onto my opinions now though and seperate them from anything I'm gonna further see discussed by all the old fans. I'm sure there will be tons of complaints I never considered but as I see it now that was a perfect run of television that I love very dearly!!!! Its certainly changed my life going forward lol.

[the5n00k]

M*A*S*H and the power of pure unadulterated sorrow

(this series is marketed primarily as a comedy! :D what a scam! /hj)

⚠️long post⚠️

I want to point out one of my favorite aspects of this series which is how different it presents its drama compared to other shows marketed as dramas that I've seen. ESPECIALLY modern film

The last movie I can remember portraying this sheer level of raw grief and despair was Hereditary. Such a powerful film about how grief can tear a family apart, it's honestly uncomfortable to sit through because of how well written and acted some of the scenes with the family are. And that's the point; tragedy isn't pretty. So many times you will see characters die on screen and the actors around them reacting to it with a single tear or burying their face into their stone cold main protagonist's shoulder. I have been craving that Hereditary level of despair from something for a long time now. That raw emotional breakdown that completely shatters the mask of a usually well put together facade.

Then my friends recommended M*A*S*H to me.

Yes you can make all the "crying breakfast friends" jokes you want about how often I latch onto a heart wrenching emotional moment in a show but I can't help it when it's so well executed. I can see a million silly Disney sidekicks die and feel nothing but this show has made me cry even on rewatch. And that is RARE for me, usually it's a one and done thing but this show still manages to tear me to pieces.

Not saying the show doesn't have any fun in it, of course it does, that's how the emotional moments hit harder. If you never saw the characters at their highest highs, seeing them at their lowest would just become numbing and unengaging.

Spoilers ahead obviously, I'm going to be talking about a lot of really important character moments throughout the show please if you are at all interested watch the show and come back. It's 11 seasons but it's well worth your time

Something that has always been powerful to me has been grown men crying. Perhaps it's because I never really had a good emotional connection with any men in my life and always saw them as stronger (emotionally) than someone who is erratically emotional like myself. Especially during the timeframe this is set (the 50's) and shot in (70's-80's) I was not anticipating the level of raw acting talent from the guys in this show. Especially once you get past season 4 and shit really starts hitting the fan

To see these grown men who take so much pride in their important positions as doctors and men and who they are just break down weeping like a scared child. It never ceased to break something in me. I cried the hardest at the amnesiac soldier who lost his brother (FANTASTIC scene it should have won 60 awards) but the two characters that have always stood out to me with this particular subject have been Hawkeye and BJ

Clearly if you've watched the entire show you understand what I'm talking about and obviously the other cast members have their moments (Winchester my beloved one day I will put you under a microscope and pick you apart) but for this subject, I'm going to use the two of them as examples because I consider these moments the most prominent to me personally

I'll start with BJ because there's a lot to unpack with him and simultaneously not a lot at the same time. Because he's so closed off and disconnected from most things happening all the time, choosing to opt out of anything whenever he can unless provoked, characters don't really know that much about him. As an audience, you're forced to pick apart his little mannerisms and priorities to see where his head's at. Some people might not like that but frankly I love it. He's a simple character on the surface but underneath, he's a terrified father and husband trying to keep his head down long enough to snap out of the nightmare that is war and wake up at home. I relate to him in that way, just trying to stay in my own corner and occupy myself until I have to wake up and do it all over again. Coping with the monotony is slowly driving him crazy

Then in Period of Adjustment, he gets a letter from his wife about how she and their daughter Erin saw Radar at the airport when he got sent home. And his thin thread of stability finally snaps. He's pissy for the entire day and doesn't want to tell anyone why, he'd rather just go through the motions and repress it just like everything else. But it keeps outwardly affecting everything around him whether he likes it or not. Then, at his lowest, he physically assaults his best friend in their own tent and destroys their only lifeline, the still they use to (poorly) make gin, and runs out.

After getting so intoxicated he can't stand up, Hawkeye finally finds him again and laughs that he's wearing a helmet to see him, still trying to make light of how much he's suffering. He tells him he's sorry for punching him and Hawkeye sits down with him. He finally is completely and truly honest for probably the only time in the entire series. He is completely vulnerable and open and tells him what's been bothering him. His infant daughter mistakenly called Radar her dad. The first person she ever called dad wasn't him. And he breaks down. He barely got to see her when she was born before he got drafted, he missed so many milestones of parenthood with her already and she ends up calling someone else dad. BJ tells Hawkeye he is furious at Radar and knows it's not his fault but he's still jealous. He even mentions how he's envious of Trapper, Hawkeye's old bunkmate from before he got there, which is still a huge sore point for him because of how abrupt his departure was. But he doesn't reprimand him for speaking badly about two people he'd considered close friends. He holds him closer and lets him cry. This isn't a single tear cry, this is a full vulnerability twisted face cry of pure pain. He can't say anything to ease the pain either, nothing he could say right now could help his friend. He just has to let him work through it.

They rebuilt the still together but BJ still remains broken. This is sort of touched on in Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen when he tries to get sent home before Erin's second birthday and misses it. It's not held on but you can obviously tell that he's still barely holding onto mental stability whenever he brings up his family. If you go into this series thinking every conflict has a resolution or closure of some kind I have bad news for you lol it's safe to assume when he went home, there was a rough adjustment period reclaiming his place in the house since Peg took on so much responsibility by herself but we don't really know what happened after everyone went home.

My next example is from Bless You, Hawkeye and I always rag on this episode with my friends but the scene between him and Sidney physically shook me. Everybody probably talks about That One Scene with Hawkeye and Sidney from GFA so I'll refrain from using it as an example here, I think this one is more appropriate for the point I'm trying to make anyways.

Hawkeye has never been mature. At all. His entire character is built on being obnoxious and causing trouble. Unlike BJ, he will share nearly anything about him when asked. Except when it's serious.

In comes everyone's favorite coping mechanism, ✨ unconscious repression! ✨

Again, a part of his character that got used again in GFA, whenever something upsets him in a way he can't manage, he buries it. He rewrites the memory into something happy or positive. So when a wounded soldier soaked in dirty water smelling of mold and musty clothing triggered a psychosomatic response, nobody knew why.

Processing scenes like this is something I remember so vividly from my first watch. Seeing all the pieces fall into place until that sinking feeling fills you is something this show is so good at.

Hawkeye starts talking to Sidney about something from his childhood; being out on a lake with his cousin Billy when he was seven. He claims Billy saved his life by pulling him out of the water but the more he talks, the more his story changes. It gets to a point where even he realizes he wasn't saved. He was pushed. Billy had to have been around 13 at the time, old enough to know how mean pulling something like that is. The way he admits it is when the gravity really sank in for me. His voice breaks, he starts loudly and violently sobbing like a scared child, he's probably been holding in this breakdown for 20ish years. In any other show, I could see them trying to play this for laughs. Oh Hawkeye, you shouldn't be so upset by a silly prank from when you were a kid! Look at this grown man break down! What a baby! But they don't treat it like that. It's treated completely seriously, it's allowed to play out and he slowly works through grief for someone he idolized in his childhood, anger, and acknowledgement. It was a permanent scar that wasn't allowed to heal.

This wasn't the first time in the series Hawkeye has cried but it was the first time he truly let it out. Every other time he knew he'd have to pick himself up, dust himself off, and keep going. I'm not certain if he properly processed anything he went through in Korea because he kept (pardon my language here) drowning himself in alcohol and burying himself in work and antics. So his eventual breakdown just. Getting it all out in one gutteral, primal cry, borderline screaming was cathartic for both him as a character and myself personally. Very rarely do I ever get a moment to have an emotional release like this so I also bury myself further into my job and hobbies until I can't feel what's bothering me anymore. His man's father better have booked him therapy when he got home because I know for damn sure this jackass won't do it himself

Overall, I'll say it again, the actors in this show are insane. None of the emotions felt cheap and the way the characters are written feels accurate to how most people approached the horrors of war and the mental health crises that followed. I'm so happy this show exists. I'm a little disappointed in myself that it's taken me this long to give it a chance but I love it nonetheless. I'll make a post about the characters specifically sometime like I said I would, I just want to make sure I do everyone justice and I'm not just repeating what everyone already knows. I want to add to this wonderful community that I'm happy to see is still active on this app/site and I hope you all enjoy my ramblings lmao there is more where this came from

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: The Worst Duke in London by Amalie Howard

4/5. Releases 9/24/24.

vibes: 10 Things I Hate About You, weird crunchy heroines, Big virgin heroes, sex deals

Heat Index: 7/10

The rather slimy Lord Huntingdon wishes to court Viola--but Viola can't be courted until her rather odd and aloof sister, Evangeline (sometimes known as Effie) is courted as well. That's where Gage, the completely broke new Duke of Vale, comes in. Huntingdon offers him a deal: if Gage courts Evangeline, Huntingdon will settle the debts Gage's late brother left behind. It seems easy enough. What Gage didn't expect was Evangeline's prickly nature--or, that when she did warm up to him, she'd offer a deal of her own. Sexual exploration with no strings attached? It sounds great to her. But Gage might not be able to keep himself from falling...

Obviously, this is a 10 Things I Hate About You retelling. I actually don't like that movie; after a somewhat more recent rewatch, I realized that it super isn't for me. Fortunately, this book is a lot more fun, with a much more endearing heroine (who is a weirdo, yes, but not an asshole) and a hero who basically falls headlong.

This is very much a romcom--and probably the most antihistorical of this series thus far (more on that later) which isn't a bad thing. It fully embraces its roots while dialing the heat up a good bit and throwing in some rather zany hijinks that you can really only get in a historical romance.

Is it perfect? Not quite--the pacing is a bit off to me, which leads to a pretty rushed finale. There isn't ever any major reason why our hero and heroine can't be together (I mean, at least none that she's aware of). But the book is a solid romp, and it's QUITE sexy. In fact, I would say that the sex is the best part of the novel, which is a compliment. This is a refreshingly sex positive book, and while Gage and Evangeline obviously fall in love (and fall hard) there's never any sense that either of them should feel any type of way about having casual sex for the sake of it. And they're both virgins!

Quick Takes:

--To go back to that antihistorical thing... While I wouldn't say any books in this series have been accurate or cared to be, this one felt less so? That's not a critique. I sincerely don't care about historical accuracy, as long as the writing and story is good. This did push it a bit, to the point that I felt like it was trying a bit hard. But for the most part, I found it funny, and I look forward to the handwringing over everything.

--There's a rather fabulous author's note in which Howard details the history of sexual education and pleasure for women of bygone eras, especially those we typically see depicted as repressed sex haters in certain historical romance novels. I loved every bit of it, and I so appreciate the resources!

--Briar and Lushing have always been the couple I was most excited to see, and the set up we got here has me even more hyped.

--Evangeline is truly an odd girl, and Gage is absolutely about it. Her obsession with animals led to some super funny moments--Gage is covered with kittens and rescues lambs and plays with her dog, and she is so horny she could SCREAM.

--Gage claims to be English versus Scottish (because his dad is English; his mother is very much Scottish, and he loves Scotland) but from the moment we're told that he's Big as Fuck, it's clear that he's a classic Scottish historical romance hero. Evangeline is all too happy to have him in a kilt.

The Sex:

Like I said earlier--the sex scenes in this book, as well as the way sex is discussed, are really the standouts. Gage and Evangeline have great chemistry. There's a real playfulness to their dynamic fairly early on, and this doesn't let up in the bedroom. Both Gage and Evangeline are virgins, and there isn't much dithering or concern over why he's chosen to abstain (somewhat--I mean, he clearly did STUFF). It's just a thing, and it does lead to a first penetrative sex scene that's rather funny, and also rather tender.

You get some stuff we're only now started to see more of in historicals--sex toys! There's some semi-public sex. "I need you now" sex (OOOOOH I LOVED THAT SHIT). An untouched orgasm that made me read the scene twice to ensure I'd read it right. DELIGHTFUL!

If you're looking for a blithe, irreverent, and super sexy historical romcom, this is what you want. It does get a little caught up in the weeds at points, but it stays funny, and it stays hot. Which I'm certainly not mad at, personally!

Thanks to NetGalley and Forever for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[nottoofondofgaypeople]

The whole Kiki and Zane situation

Major Content Warning for sexual assault, unwanted pregnancy, and lack of consent

Yeah this is a thing. That we need to talk about. I'm keeping the whole amulet thing the same, I actually have a lot of thoughts about these amulets, where they came from, and why they do what they do, but in this situation I think it works. But we are not going to gloss over this situation at all.

I am necessitating downtime after the first major fiasco with Zane. I literally don't know what happens after that but there is as much time as I want for characters to just process that whole fucking ordeal. Especially Kiki. Give her time to process the physical trauma of having a child under such extreme circumstances, maybe show her going to the Irene Statue to pray or getting healing potions from Zoey or eventually Lucinda to help her body deal with the after effects.

Let Kiki be emotional about it. Let someone ask her how she's doing and that time she can't lie about it. She can't hide the miserable look in her eyes. She's tried to hide this from Leona, she doesn't want her daughter to have to deal with the burden of her origin and what it did to Kiki, but deep down Kiki knows she can't stop that from happening. She knows Leona will always be affected by this and she's completely shaken at the mere thought of having to explain it to her later in life.

And let other characters express thoughts on this!! I feel like canon absolutely ignores a lot of characters feelings, especially people in Season 1 Phoenix Drop, and will just focus on a certain part of a series of events while ignoring or rarely bringing up another. Like I honestly forgot this whole subplot happened when I went in for a rewatch a year ago and was absolutely mortified by how little the story focused on a fucking traumatizing experience that it just shows on screen.

Garroth shows up at Kiki's barn because at this point, the jig is up. Everyone in Phoenix Drop knows who he is and who his brother is. And most people know he despises Zane and that Garroth is fundamentally a different person. But he still shoulders guilt for how bad it got for some people. Especially Kiki. He saw the way Zane looked at her, the way he fancied her. Even when he and Irena both warn her about Zane, Garroth still feels like he didn't do enough to prevent this.

He agonizes over how to talk to her and ends up pacing near the staircase up to her second floor while he tries to work it out. Garroth forgets that his armor is fucking LOUD and Kiki can hear him in her echoey ass barn, so she just yells at him to come upstairs and get this over with.

Garroth is eventually coaxed into revealing how guilty he feels about this happening. He starts to blame himself for it, and Kiki very quickly shuts that down. The only person at fault is Zane. There's no way Garroth could have known the depths of cruelty his brother would go to, and she doesn't want anyone being blamed for this other than Zane. She decided to keep Leona and raise her as her own, in spite of the man who helped create her.

Garroth apologizes for trying to shift the blame and resolves to instead ensure Zane isn't able to get that close to anyone he cares about. And he takes his role as Leona's uncle very seriously. For the time he gets to before the season 1 finale, Garroth often spends time around Kiki and Leona. Sometimes he'll baby sit so Kiki can get some rest, or he'll tell Kiki stories of what his youngest brother was like as a child. He quietly omits any mention of the middle brother.

Irena and Kiki have long talks about parenting and how Kiki plans to raise Leona. Irena keeps giving her this sad look, and Kiki admits that she's much more damaged than she lets on. But Irena has enough on her shoulders. Kiki admits that she's been processing a lot of this with Brendan and Donna, who she considers her very dear friends, and that while she's so happy Irena cares so much, it isn't her problem to worry about. She isn't allowed to blame herself for it, and she isn't allowed to try and take more onto her plate for Kiki's sake.

Gods I love Kiki so much. She's such an underrated character and I really want to explore her and other underutilized members of the village quite a bit more in this rewrite. Really make Phoenix Drop into the incredibly fucked up found family it was meant to be.

And let's be clear that even after 15 years, 15 years of healing, of loving, of having a life without Zane, of having a life with the daughter she adores, Kiki is still healing. There are scars on her stomach that will never go away. She's fairly confident she'll never be able to give birth again and has come to terms with that. She doesn't let herself be very intimate with people anymore, and anyone who knows her isn't pushy at all. They're just grateful that Kiki is incredibly strong and unbelievably stubborn.

One day Leona comes downstairs and some of her hair is covering her eye the same way Zane's did. Kiki tries to hide how tense and uncomfortable this makes her, asking Leona in a fairly roundabout way how she'd feel about a haircut. Even if Leona isn't fully aware of the situation at this point, she can tell that something's got her mom acting a little off. And the long hair is harder to maintain when she's trying to hunt.

Short hair Leona. That's it.

Even if it takes forever to get to this point, there's something fundamentally healing about Garroth getting to meet Leona. A lot has changed in the time he was gone, but Irena prepared him for a lot of it. What she couldn't have prepared him for is how it would feel to see a 15 year old Leona racing around the island chasing after some other kid like a feral beast. Like I'm so serious Garroth is so close to crying when he meets her.

Once Leona realizes who he is, she's ecstatic because she's heard so many stories about her uncle Garroth from her mom!! She's always wanted to meet him!! Garroth has a massive complex around his family and their impact on the lives of those around him, but when he gets to see how happy Kiki and Leona are, it kind of just melts away and he gets to spend an afternoon playing with his niece in the forest.

[zur1s]

rewatching nana from the hours 1-3 am is not good for my health like this is a school night!!! but oh so is the life of me. honestly, while rewatching nana, i always get something new from it which is really interesting! i didn't realize i was that much of a hachi kinnie first time around watching or reading the series, but it only took some overthinking and revisiting to realize oh god this bitch is me! and now rewatching the series again i just come to realize how similar we really are... indecisive, immature, and so very hopeless. honestly, watching hachi get stuck in this conundrum between takumi and nobu again drove me insane—more so than last time. cause at first i still hadn't really thought really deeply about the series and honestly, i sorta watched parts of it like my eyes were closed, but now i've come to realize more things. i'm not really bringing much to the table with this but god nobu's idealization with hachi is seriously insane. at first, i think i never really saw it because i was also as blinded as nobu. idealizing hachi and not seeing her faults. when at the same time, even if takumi played into her naivety and was a manipulative bitch, hachi couldn't recognize that this relationship with him wasn't the understanding she wanted and that she was better than to settle for takumi. not to invalidate how takumi practically knew what he was doing (imo) and made it so hard for her to realize any of this. but, hachi isn't the horrible woman she thinks she is, but she also isn't the angel nobu sees her as either. watching him idealize her going on about how he can't believe what's happening with takumi was so exhausting and i swear my fondness towards nobu wanes every time i revisit the series (even if i've only finished nana like a month ago, fixation going strong!?). i don't even root for him and hachi because i don't think their relationship could ever go far past the "honeymoon phase". there's too much overpromising and idealization that even a hopeless teenager like me can see..!

i don't know man... this really is not an organized rant, but at least i've got some of my thoughts out. i have a lot more to say from my rewatch session (like, god, my thoughts about nana and ren keep spiraling and nanahachi off doing it again with painful communication skills. can't the bitches just get together and realize they're gay for one another? no? okay...) but i'll save it for another post. anyway, it's 4 am and i have school in like 2 hours so lord please what am i doing! but enough.... haha....