#kind of obsessed with making these i am doing these instead of my actual art assignments

[tonyage]

"watch and ward accidentally inject a villain with one of the guild’s stolen smallpox samples instead of the flu shot", ms paint, 2023

[cupcakesmoothie]

...So I may have went a little insane designing the MC from @psychopomp-enthusiast's Blade x Reader fic To Mourn The Living

Am I confident in my art skills? Lmao (No)

I am not rendering this (I did have an idea for the highlights but) it's 5 am oh god and if I don't go lie down right now I am not waking up tomorrow (Today at 8)

I tried to keep the design androgynous but well. Am Girl. So I am a little biased towards Reader being also Girl. I think I did ok tho

The first HSR fanart I've made and it's fanart of a fanfic. Typical me behaviour tbh

I did research for this for some reason like I stared really hard at a couple wiki tabs for a while (Haven't seen actual scales on either of our High Elders) and skimmed the fic again. The scales were specified to be silver?

While doing the aforementioned research I think I've crafted a theory? I somehow completely missed that there is more than one High Elder, like there are other ships that have their own High Elders too and like??? I'm making some connections??? Is this a "I've connected the dots" moment? Who knows.

I did think maybe the whole storms thing had something to with Jing Yuan and his Lighting-Wielding Thunder-Clapping Spirit-Squashing Lord (YESSSSS FIRST TRY BABY OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD) but the whole thing with black hair and evil vibes just felt off to me. AND THEN. Until I get a reply on this/the fic gets updated I won't say anything further, but ough. I am so normal about the media I consume guys

I kinda felt like putting the scale pattern on the outfit was a little OOC since MC was mentioned to not really follow Vidyadharan customs, but I also figured they were close to Bailu and have horns so? Maybe?

I gave MC blue hair because Ice type. I was gonna give them really long hair, but then again, not a High Elder. The hair was mentioned to obscure their horns underwater tho so I think some length is fine?

It was actually really hard to find physical descriptions of the MC? I mean for a fic like this, that's actually a good thing, it gives me more leeway to do whatever I want but also literally one of the reasons why I don't do fanart is because I wanna be accurate as possible (This is probably some kind of anxiety thing, idk)

[yumeka-sxf]

My thoughts on Spy x Family: EYES ONLY Guidebook (English ver) - part 3

Continuing from my previous two posts, this will be my last post discussing the English version of the SxF manga guidebook "EYES ONLY." I'll discuss some of Endo's and Lin's comments on specific chapters, some of the included concept art for the series, all the Twiyor tidbits the book has to offer, and conclude with a couple things the English version of the book omits.

Endo's and Lin's comments on specific chapters

There's at least one comment from Endo and/or Lin on every chapter of the manga from when the book was originally published (up to chapter 61). Unfortunately I can't cover every single comment, but I did want to highlight a few (more will be covered in the Twiyor tidbits later on).

So Bond wouldn't have actually died from Yor's cooking then? Good to know her cooking isn't that bad, lol. Also that's a good question, Lin, maybe you should ask Endo? 😅

Lots of great info about the cruise arc. Makes sense that they had to plan it out many months in advance and keep revising it to patch up plot holes. All that work definitely paid off! Interesting that they almost considered not having Loid on the ship at all. Glad they didn't because otherwise we wouldn't have gotten one of his best outfits! 🤣 (can't wait to see this piece of work in color in the anime!)

Incidentally, the scene Endo mentions where he "managed to make Yor look pretty cute" is this one (she does look pretty cute here).

My favorite comment of Endo's about any chapter has to be this one for chapter 56. Never change, Endo 😂

And lastly, some good comments about chapter 59 (Becky visits the Forgers).

This is one of my favorite stand-alone chapters so I'm glad it was well received. Funny how they kept going with the joke instead of ending it "normally"...but when you have such great characters and setups, good comedy writes itself!

Below is Endo's commentary about Henderson, not a specific chapter, but thought I'd point it out since he mentions Henderson is the only character he's done a shower scene for...not anymore!

Also, while not related to a specific chapter, I do like what Endo says below about Loid and Yor's "dark sides."

He enjoys drawing them this way, which is cool, but he's also cautious about not overdoing it and saving those expressions for important situations.

Concept art

Most of the pre-serialization character designs included in this book were also in the exhibition pamphlet, which I already discussed thoroughly here (wish I had remembered these were in the fanbook so I wouldn't have put so much effort into trying to read Endo's scribble notes). So I'll just mention a few of the most notable things.

As I discussed in my post about the pamphlet, Franky was at some point intended to be the uncle of the family. Though I do think it would have been fitting to make him the uncle, I also like the main focus being on just the "nuclear" family, with the uncle and other characters having supportive roles.

An interesting note about the beta version of Yor is that she seemed to be more like Fiona - she was in love with Loid right from the start, to the point of trying to eliminate Anya! I doubt this is something she would be doing all the time as it would have been difficult to make her a likable main character if she was always trying to kill her daughter...in all likelihood, she would have tried to kill Anya at first before eventually learning to love her as a daughter. While I see how this could work for an intriguing character arc, I'm glad Endo decided to make Yor a loving mother to Anya right away, and not make her feelings for Loid an obsessive "love at first sight" kind of thing.

Twiyor tidbits

Being the shipper that I am, I tried to see if I could pinpoint any Twiyor subtleties throughout the book, as vague as they may be! 😂

Below are excerpts from Loid and Yor's character pages where we're given info on their current stance about each other.

Love the emphasis on their bond of trust ❤️

Below are excerpts from chapters 14 and 35, probably the most Twiyor-heavy chapter pages in the book.

This confirms that Loid did indeed interpret Yor's kick as her not having any romantic feelings for him.

Below are comments by Endo and Lin for chapter 30, where Fiona is introduced.

Endo's line is a little ambiguous here, but I think he's saying how people sympathize with Fiona because she's "doomed to lose," which is...telling 😅 (does Fiona's loss automatically mean a Twiyor win?)

Endo says he likes the "You're strong, Yor" conversation, one of the most Twiyor-ish scenes in the series so far! 😊 Lin also mentioned how they got to use that theme again during the Becky chapter.

Weird that he chose to highlight this line of all things as Loid's "Family Comment" for chapter 10. Could this and chapter 79 be more foreshadowing for an eventual "Twilight vs Thorn Princess" showdown? 👀 Or maybe he just likes teasing fans because he knows it's something they fantasize about.

English version omissions

There's an additional Endo interview that's missing from the English version of the book: an interview with him and Kazumi Takayama, a former idol of the group Nogizaka46.

At first it seemed very odd that they would leave out just this interview, but after discussing it with others on Discord, I realized it's because it has to do with an idol. Apparently getting licensing rights for anything that has to do with a Japanese idol group is very difficult, which is further hindered by the fact that Takayama isn't even part of that idol group anymore, which makes getting the content green lit for official release overseas even more taxing. So probably Viz decided it wasn't worth the trouble and just left out that interview. But thankfully u/Nemshi on Reddit posted a fan translation of it, which you can read here. They talk a bit about SxF, but most of it is just general questions they ask each other.

And the other thing missing from the English version that I really can't understand is the inside cover! Another great 4th-wall breaking joke from Endo (I added a quick translation of the Japanese version below).

Unlike the Takayama interview, I have no idea why they didn't include this. They include the inside cover as an extra page in all the English volumes, so why not here? Very weird.

---

And that's all I'm going to share for the "EYES ONLY" fanbook! Honestly, there's so much great content in the book that I didn't touch on, like info about East/West relations, about Eden Academy, Endo's comments on all the designer chairs for the volume covers...and lots more. So definitely get a copy yourself if you can! It's a must-have for any SxF fan 😁 Books like this aren't officially released in English very often, so the fact that Viz thought it was worthwhile to make this proves how much of a hit SxF is!

<- Return to Part 2

[neko-loogi]

Alright, I'mma give my opinion again. This time with Hazbin Hotel..

So I saw the trailer for Hazbin Hotel a few days ago and honestly, I am so disappointed. Like, you're telling me I waited years for them to release a trailer for the series, and this is all we get??

I'm not saying it wasn't enough, no, on the contrary, I think they revealed way too much. But what I mean is, I was expecting something else, because this ain't it, chief.

***

Alright so first off, we have the voices. I'mma be hella honest with y'all, this shit sounds unfinished, as in, it sounds like Viv got confused and published the behind the scenes instead of the finished product because omfg, the voices sound bad.

I genuinely don't understand the weird obsession Viv has with hiring celebrities or broadway actors into her shitty shows, it's not like she's rich enough to afford that- plus she does this often, doesn't that mean it affects the budget of the show? (I don't know much about that stuff so bear with me).

It's funny cuz, she hires these super famous celebrities to voice characters in her shows, but she doesn't need to, like, you can be a professional, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're a great VA. It almost feels like she does that because she wants to feel important, she wants to show off like "Oh look at me, I have celebrities voicing my characters! Aren't I cool?"

But anyway, going back to the voices, I have to say this, my least favorite are Alastor and Angel Dust. I just think it's absolutely ridiculous that Viv got rid of the pilot VAs just to replace them with broadway actors, only for them to make the characters sound flat and emotionless.

Like, it's funny because she makes these broadway actors imitate the voices from the pilot, however it doesn't come naturally for these actors and it shows. It almost feels like they have no idea what they're doing. It legit sounds like they're reading the script but not putting any effort into it. (Y'know how people shit on anime dubs because they don't sound good or whatever? That's exactly how I feel about this-).

The next thing I wanna talk about is the animation. Don't get me wrong from what I've seen, in some moments the animation looks alright, but other times it looks choppy as hell. I thought this show was supposed to be more 'professional' since they literally got A24 and Bento Box ent. for this. But yeah, all I can say is, the animation hasn't changed at all, the only thing that is slightly different is the art style but aside from that, the animation still sucks.

And finally, the last thing I wanted to discuss is the plot of the series. So as we all know, in the Pilot, it was established that Charlie (along with Vaggie) opened the Happy Hotel in hopes of redeeming sinners so that they can go to heaven because Hell was too overpopulated (plus the whole extermination thing). But the whole point of the plot was that she wasn't entirely sure she could actually do it or if it was even possible, and that's what made the plot more interesting back then. But here? It's absolute garbage. Not only did the trailer basically reveal way too much information already (before the series could even come out yet), but the plot was changed entirely!

Like I mentioned, Charlie's motives were to redeem sinners, but here she's more focused on having some kind of war with heaven/the angels. And that's the thing, now that we know that heaven is a thing in this series, plus the inclusion of Adam, it just makes the series feel so predictable, because now we know that the sinners can be redeemed, which beats the entire purpose of the show. It's like, "Hell bad, but heaven is worse" and "Good VS. Bad!!", cliche type of thing. You think a series 'made for adults' would have a more interesting plot than a kids show, but nah, we get these basic ass levels of writing. I swear a fucking five year old could come up with something better and far more creative than this nonsense-

***

So yeah, I'm honestly hella disappointed that this is what the series has turned into. I had high hopes for Hazbin Hotel (since Helluva ain't shit-), but nope, it turns out, Viv is capable of making herself look even more stupid by completely butchering her own series. Hell, I actually have Amazon Prime, but I am probably not even gonna watch this shit, I'll just wait till some dumbass on YouTube uploads the first episode or something stupid like that (so that I can watch it and critique it later). Because I know that someone definitely will.

Anyway, that's all for today, thank you for reading my dumb post- alright bye!

[bonezlyy]

I DIED 🫶🏼

I said I would be insansley active on this account but I wasn’t and forgot about it immediately

Im trying I promise you I just didn’t know what to post

WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THE FRIEND GROUPS

WELL THEYRE ALL ONE BIG FRIEND GROUP AND LOVE EACHOTHER EQUALLY BUT THEY HAVE SPECIFIC THINGIES

OKAY SO

THIS IS GONNA BE A WEIRD BIG INFODUMP INSTEAD OF A NORMAL LIST

Starting with Error, Geno, Sci and Night. These fucking nerds 💕 Smart guys that talk about smart guy stuff (Idk what kind of smart things because Im not smart myself but still). They’re all calm and collected people that like to sit together and read books because they’re cute and silly guys. Geno and Night talk about Space stuff while Error and Sci talk about science and tech stuff.

NUMBER 2 IS THE STARS💕

I am so obsessed with Drinkberry you can not stop me. They’re all really silly and positive people and they all kiss like muah muah muah. And btw drinkberry, afterdeath and Scifell are the only canon ships you get. Idk what the other ones are I might just make them all kiss tbh. Well actually you might get Cherrberry too who knows. BUT ANYWAY BACK TO THE STARS. They just sit in on of their dorm’s and watch movies and kiss and cuddle I love them sm

NUMBER 3

I CANT TELL YOU HOW ODDLY OBSESSED I AM WITH REAPER, FELL AND PLUM BEING FRIENDS (cutely changes Lust from Hearts to Plum) THEY MET IN YEAR 7 WHEN NONE OF THEM WERE DOING SWIMMING AND IT BASICALLY WENT LIKE THIS

Teacher: Okay then so what’s your excuse today

All 3 of them at the same time by the power of gay friendship: I have tits

AND THEY JUST LOOKED AT EACHOTHER LIKE ???

And then they talked about being trans for the whole lesson, and then found out they were all bi and decided to be friends until one of them inevitably dies from alcohol poisoning 🫶🏼

I love them sm, they kiss in the best friend way that i long for

I need to get a grip girl they’re just skeletons pls

Obviously Cross, Dust, Horror, and Killer

These little heathens omg

They just create havoc wherever they go, accidental or not

This one is self explanatory tbh

AND THEN THE ART KIDS

Ink, Error, Plum, Reaper, Geno

Error and Plum are in textiles

Ink, Reaper and Geno do like regular art, idk what the word is for it but painting, drawing, charcoals and all that

Ink, Reaper and geno design and draw cool designs for Plum and Error to make as practice

ANYWAY THOSE ARE ALL I CAN THINK OF RN

I should probably start actually writing this soon

Ill post a link to the chapter when I do 💀

Help me I cant tell if my brother has a friend round or if he just randomly has a really good sound system and it sounds like theres someone in his room

Either way I cant leave my room because my social anxiety his horrendous and I will kms if I am seen 🙏🏼

[factual-fantasy]

Hello Factual! Thanks a ton for answering my last question regarding your acquiring of your Pokemon- the quirky stories attached to their origins make them all the more memorable and lovable! And alongside that, thanks for drawing the full party together in your most recent post! Their personalities were all fleshed out really well in such a simple set up, and as always it's impressive that you kept your art style practically identical despite the transition to paper!

If you don't mind, since I've got the ball rolling at this point- I wish to ask your thoughts on two somewhat more well known Mario enemies than the last pair- and inquire as to their placement in the AU- starting with the jumping dangers from another game- the Ninji!

Ever since their strange "dream" debut in Super Mario Bros 2, they, like many others from that game, have become recurring staples of the main games- always being shown as quick, jumping warriors who work primarily under Bowser. But do you think these goofy little guys would work in the AU? They probably wouldn't be directly affiliated with your mostly Koopa centric Koopa Troop- but perhaps they could be a small band of dangerous assassins, known to do business with the Troop- for the right price- eliminating targets using more "Ninja" like techniques, rather than just jumping...

And the other I wished to mention could prove either very easy or very difficult to implement- another creature hailing from SMB2- the bullet spewing shy guy look alikes- the Snifits!

You of course already have shy guys in the AU, living in seclusion in Shy Guy Woods- but would there perhaps be any Snifits among them? Even in the most recent movie, Snifits have always been shown commanding their weaker Shy Guy Cousins- though their exact biological connection has never been explained- how would you explain it? How would their strange, biological bullets work? Would they live alongside the shy guys, or just live somewhere else entirely? If anywhere at all? And most importantly- would they still have an obsession with hosting game shows, as all the spinoff games show!?

Thanks as always for taking the time to answer our Asks despite your health troubles ( which I sincerely hope are getting better now ) and I'm glad answering them makes you happy! I've obviously been asking a lot of Mario questions lately, so let me know if you want me to ask about a different AU for a change- I just love Mario so much! ( Your awesome AU especially! )

(First post in question) (Second post in question)

No problem! :DD I had a lot of fun making those. And thank you! It certainly isn't easy to keep my style consistent on paper. But hey, at least it's keeping my mind busy! 😅

When it comes to the critters you sent.. I've actually never heard of the first one! 😰 I'd have to do some thinking about where those guys would fit in my AU..

Now for the Snifits, I did see them in the Mario movie. So I am aware of them! But where to put them.. hmm.. I can see myself taking the idea of them, rather than the actual functionality of them.

What I mean is, there could be "higher ranking" shy guys amongst the tribe. And they could wear these black masks instead of white ones. Perhaps they could make use of slingshots or some kind of projectile to keep with the theme..? :0 I'm unsure, but it's definitely something to think about!

And no worries about too many Mario questions, I'm having a lot of fun with them! Thank you for sending them! :D And thank you for the well wishes. I'm hoping that all of this mess is finally over soon 🙏🥹...

[centrally-unplanned]

I always find the 'semiotics' or symbolic language of media interesting from an evolutionary perspective. Recently online there was a bit of a discussion about run cycles in animation; a guide to running written by Hayao Miyazaki from back in 1980 for which we had the text due to its inclusion in collected-writings book Starting Point has been missing its original accompanying visuals for all this time. Someone (Rebekah Machemer) found and scanned those drawings so now we have the complete work:

Very cool stuff, and really great to recover any lost production media like this. In the essay itself Miyazaki gets a bit philosophical - why care about running animation at all?

Above all what is most important is what one wants to express through the act of running…Men of strong resolve, who are wearing heavy armor and carrying swords, should run in a way that weak extras cannot. The running of surging masses on fire with anger, the running of a child doing his best to hold back tears until he reaches his house, the running of a heroine who has forsaken everything but the desire to flee—being able to show wonderful ways of running, running that expresses the very act of living, the pulse of life, across the screen would give me enormous delight. I dream of someday coming across a work that requires that kind of running.

On the one hand this all resonates; make the character visual, express their identity through motion, etc. On the other hand...girl who runs like this? I don't run, like, at all! It's not a common occurence in my everyday life to see a single person running, and if I do it is 99% of the time someone working out. I am pretty sure when I do run its way less an expression of my Forsaken Herione vibes and instead an expression of my 12-hours-a-day-on-a-computer workout routine.

-How you think you look running

-How you actually look running

What I am not saying here is that Miyazaki is wrong or anything to care about running. Instead I am saying that when he discusses how beautiful the act-of-running is, that is only partially coming from observing reality; it primarily comes from animation as a medium. Animation's value-add is the art-in-motion, you want the screen to be expressing itself to the audience through movement. You as an audience member want to see the animator themselves express their own aesthetic to you through that movement. There are a million ways to make that happen but running is one of the strongest; its character focused, universally applicable, common *enough* that you know what it looks like, you can make it diegetic to a climax if the plot demands it, etc. It makes sense for animation to utilize it, and it does - more than just animation, film all over does! It's a universally common symbol in the language of film with decades of meaning built into it.

But that meaning does not first come from real life, it comes from those demands of film-as-a-medium. In all likelihood no one has ever emoted a climactic meaning to you while running, or after running, you don't have a frame of reference for that. When you, as a viewer, are emotionally moved by the act of running, you feel that because film as a medium taught you to feel that. Compare it to how animation/film often focuses on the eyes and mouth for expressing emotion - that is not an invention of film, that is how real human beings communicate, when talking to a person you focus primarily on their eyes and mouth. The semiotics of film's language around eyes is built primarily from real life, which is much less true for running.

What is cool is how much of a semiotics of running animation has been built up given its origin within the demands of the medium. Miyazaki had a hot take and a desire to see artists push the craft as early as 1980; since then I can think of hundreds of running cycles artists have put their own touch on. I think of these as real Artist moments - it is something that the craft leads you to that you become obsessed with perfecting, existing for its own sake, something that interplays between observation and pure creativity. I can see these scenes now outside their own story, as the use and evolution of language. Which is neat!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/16/2024

did not commit fratricide this week but it got a little close there

listening

spotify tried to rec me some electro remix of this Eartha Kitt song i did NOT care for but i did enjoy the original Mink Schmink (YouTube). very similar to last year’s favorite Peel Me A Grape by Anita O’Day. this is a particular kind of oldies #girlboss song that i am super weak to

i also have an entire album to rec! spotify recced me a movie soundtrack by this artist and i went to check out their latest work. a very pleasant outer space themed saxophone-forward experience to enjoy while trying out a very slow video game! the opening track Chaldene will let you know pretty fast if you’ll like the whole album. bouncy, in the ways that saxophones are. very cowboy bebop soundtrack adjacent? i have a data entry playlist with many instrumental albums of long pieces for when i need really consistent vibes or vibes that change very slowly and this is going to be such a good addition

reading

feeling a little bit grim about the state of the world and long-tail reporting/continuity of knowledge, partially bc some friends got fired from the games industry and are throwing in the towel (do not blame them at ALL, also now this means i don't know anyone in the industry with more than three years of experience under their belt) and partially feeling a little bit grim bc i read an article FOREVER ago from the old motherboard team at VICE about how locations were being harvested from various religious and health apps, and FINALLY that data broker is starting to see some real consequences. the ONLY reason this reporter is still following this story/is still a reporter is bc after VICE summarily fired like half the site last year, he went off and started his own site.

grim! grim article, grim context, grim all around.

watching

i would love for my best friend's son to become obsessed with a different movie than pixar's elemental. but if this is the price of having an only semi-interrupted conversation with his mom then so be it.

playing

“sail forth” by developer Quantum Astrophysicists Guild and published by Festive Vector (pair of really killer names there) is the free epic game this week. i spent a reasonably okay hour with it but do not plan to continue further. the opening area has some problems that do not interest me in whatever this game does in the next area. tldr: the actual sailing part is fun, which is good bc it's a sailing game, but there isn't enough to Do in this adventure/exploration game and it's all really far apart.

it has a particular sensibility married with its art style that makes me say “cozy game” (derogatory). your main character is named captain toot. everyone has funky sentence structure liberally sprinkled with nautical terms that come off vaguely nonsensical instead of piratical. there are a lot of almost-kennings like “deepblue” “moontiders” “fishfolk”. things of this nature. while i do love a kenning i don’t have a lot of patience for this. which is unfortunate bc this game tested my patience in several ways.

the actual Sailing part is the best part of the game. there's some very fun weather-- i have seen light and heavy fog, light and heavy rain, and a full on thunderstorm. the fact that sailing is the best part of the game would be good except everything is VERY far apart, and while the call of a blank horizon is super important in an oceangoing game (i think) when it becomes more fun to just fast travel everywhere instead of sailing the long way, i think that’s where you have to refine some things in your game. this is less of an open world and more little pockets of things in between a truly ridiculous amount of empty space. i cannot imagine this runs in an acceptable manner on switch.

the good parts of sailing are the thoughtful controls: the compass, the wind on the compass, and the little sail trim bar. you should also keep an eye on wave direction bc that will really impact your top speed. you CAN tack back and forth directly into the wind but this game will make you fucking work for it, which i do like. i also liked sailing with the camera zoomed all the way in, it felt very fast and dangerous on the very long wait to get to the next island. and then it was no longer fun on the very long sail to get to the next island. i am almost confident these islands are procgen, it’s possible i got a weirdly big seed but i don’t care enough to fire up a new save.

the general pace of the game/this first area feels a little underbaked or weirdly optimized. i got enough wood in the first hour to upgrade to the best available one-mast sloop, i fought a pirate which required a lot of precision seamanship with my one lonely bow gun, i did a race, i declined a target practice course, i poked my head into eight different map locations. despite this variety, it all felt very samey. generally the map locations have one or two things to do plus one resource (the precision seamanship required to collect resources is fun for the first two islands but then stops being interesting) or one collectible. no one island is particularly memorable. i really loved Sunless Sea, a game that also features a large map and very slow travel, but there’s a WAY more resource management and random events, and shit is simply closer together in that game.

if i was looking for a very slow podcast game and was 20% cutesier as a person this would be ideal, but for who i am right now? not for me.

making

my siblings visited! we did not kill each other, nobody had food poisoning, and nobody died! that's all i can really ask for. here's me and my sister looking at a big quilt at the 1940 Air Terminal Museum

phil went to the emergency vet sunday afternoon bc her spay site was looking Gnarly. she either has an infection or a reaction to her sutures but the treatment is the same either way. the emergency vet said we could probably skip our normal vet visit on friday but, given that we discover a new problem every time we go to the vet, we will be keeping that appointment. all recent pics of her are smushed up on my lap at a goofy angle. have a pic of mackaroni and beans

[unforth]

I've been trying for ages to figure out how to put something into words about The Youth In Fandom and I still don't think I've quite got it but I did reach an insight about it that I think is valuable enough that I'm gonna take a stab at writing it.

For starters, I want to make it clear, there is no "The Youth In Fandom Problem." Based on my efforts running the art sideblogs for danmei fandoms, I can say with a fair degree of confidence that a vast minority of people of all ages are antis, purity wankers, pro-censorship, ageist, etc. Even among people who mark their bios with their age, it's a shockingly low percentage of people under 18 who are being super weird about this stuff, and I think that's something a lot of older folks bemoaning The Younger Generation could stand to know and be reminded of. This isn't a majority, it's just a vocal minority, and tbh...that vocal minority has always been there, at least in my own fandom experiences.

That said, I've personally been the target of "y r u in fandom, old woman? Go take care of your kids!" bullshit, and yes it's definitely real and yes it definitely happens. (I am not old, I am not a woman, I was here before the people who said that to me were born, and I spend all the rest of my time taking care of my kids, so...).

All that introduction is to posit a theory:

The kinds of people who say "you should grow out of it, you're too old for fandom, etc." don't actually really...like what they like.

I know that sounds batshit. They're here blogging about it 24/7, of course they're obsessed! But I really genuinely find myself wondering...like...are they actually obsessed? Or are they just performing obsessed because that's what their peer group is doing? Are they just following along with their friends, mimicking their friends' enthusiasm, going with the flow because they're scared of what will happen if they say "actually I didn't think that show was very good"?

I ended up with this as a theory to posit because is to arrive at "you should grow out of it," you have to start with "I will grow out of it." And to get to "I will grow out of it," you have to start with "I may be into this now but I will definitely Change." And to get to "I will definitely Change," you have to start with the base assumption that loving certain types of media isn't just part of who you are, but rather a temporary persona you've assumed overlaying some deeper Self that will be revealed with time - or that's already been revealed and that you're deliberately masking for whatever reason.

Lemme put it less abstractly (but more longwindedly, lmao).

When I was 16, I was fucking terrified. There were all these things I loved - Star Trek, Hercules and Xena, Babylon 5, Slayers, Evangelion, Fushigi Yuugi, the Wheel of Time, many others - some I'd been into for years, some I'd only just discovered. And I looked at the adults in the world around me, who didn't sleep with stuffed toys, who got into long-term romantic and sexual relationships, who settled into careers that they stuck with for 20, 30, 40 years, who had heaps of responsibilities, and it was so frightening I literally had trouble sleeping at night. My senior year of high school, I trained myself to sleep with a pillow instead of a stuffie because "what would people in college think if they saw me snuggling a stuffed wolf?" That was something I was prepared to sacrifice to be An Adult (tm), something I was (irrationally) ashamed of, something that wasn't so much a part of my personhood that I couldn't give it up. When I left home to go to school at 17, I left my wolf at home. (I brought him with me a year later, and he's now on my bookshelf. Less disposable than 16-year-old me thought, as it turns out, but that's another story.) But there were things about myself I wasn't prepared to sacrifice to fit in during college. I still wore my Star Wars shirt. I still hung my anime posters. I still listened to J Pop. My roommate might judge me. My classmates might judge me. My professors might judge me. I didn't care. Loving those were part of who I was, and I wasn't prepared to give that up.

I found solace by looking at the adults in my life who hadn't had to give up their "childish fancies." I looked at my mother, who introduced me to Star Trek, and thought if she didn't have to stop loving Star Trek to be An Adult, then why should I? I looked at my grandfather, on whose bookshelves I first found the Lord of the Rings, and thought if he didn't have to give up LotR to be An Adult, then why should I? They might not wear fandom shirts, they might not go to conventions, they might not engage in the same way that I did, but they still loved these things, and it gave me hope.

When I was saw adults who still did fan things, who dressed how they wanted, who had cool hair styles or colors, who had tattoos, I thought "wow, what a cool person. I hope I get to grow up to be like them. I hope I'll be that comfortable in my own skin when I'm that age, because I'm sure not that comfortable in my own skin NOW."

I'll have to change in some ways - find A Career, figure out this "attraction" thing everyone keeps fucking talking about, buy a house, all the rest - but I'll be able to love the things I love.

I will still be "me" when I'm an adult, just Me-Plus-More.

I wanted to grow up to be that adult. I was prepared to take figurative arrows, to fight, to slog through, to retain the part of me that felt most valuable - my ability to love the things I loved without apologizing for it. And I knew I could do that, because I already had. Man, the shit people gave me in middle school for being an out-and-proud Trekkie? smh. It was baaaaad.

Time passes. Now I'm 40, and yes, I have changed. I've had more than one career. I got married. I figured out I never did have to figure out that "attraction" shit because I learned asexuality existed and. uh. Oh. I had children. I bought a house.

And I still have a bookcase of manga and I still have a Tumblr blog and I've found new fandoms - many, many new fandoms - nearly all for franchises that didn't even exist when I was 16 and so so scared that I used to literally break down and cry over the prospect of "having" to "give up childish things."

I got myself through on the belief that I'd still be me, and I was right. More than 20 years later, I AM still me.

And that's what leads me back to "why do The Youth think they'll age out of fandom?" And it leads me back to "I can only assume their fandom participation is mostly performative." Because look. This is who I was when I was 10 and read Lord of the Rings, and it was who I was when I was 12 and I started watching Star Trek when Voyager debuted, and it's who I was when I was 17 and I pulled an all-nighter to watch the second season of Fushigi Yuugi, and it's who I was when I was 21 and spent my birthday totally sober and gaming with my friends, and it's who I was at 26 when I got buried up to my eyeballs in Supernatural, and it's who I was at 37 when I watched The Untamed and knew as easy as breathing oh my god I've found the next obsession.

If it's an embraced, realized, adored part of your persona, there's absolutely no reason to think it's going to go away. And there's no reason nor need for it to. There are always gonna be people who judge others for having passions, and there are always gonna be people who embrace others for having passions, and you just gotta identify and avoid the former and find and adore the latter. If you're young, and you love fandom, and you're afraid you, too, will "have to" give up childish things...congratulations! You've got nothing to be afraid of! You never have to change that aspect of yourself!

But...I know these teens on Tumblr who are bullying others already know that because they can see us everywhere. And instead of going, as I did, "oh wow, those older people who still love the things they love are cool! how reassuring! I can be like them!" they think "EW OLD PERSON NOT ALLOWED THIS IS MY ROOM DO NOT ENTER."

And that's weird. When I try to think, "What kind of mentality would lead someone to feel that way, act that way, etc.?" I arrive at: being in fandom is something that they're embarrassed about. Something they're ashamed of, that they think is shameful. Something childish and therefore only for kids, even when the media they're a fan of is entirely made for and by adults. Something they think is made for them in that moment but that they'll be able to easily discard when they move on to more important parts of their lives. Something they know in their heart is transient. Something they're just doing because their friends are doing it.

That's when they'd think "why would an adult still do this?"

When it's something you "know" will be "just a phase," you don it like you don the identity of "high school student," something that'll get shucked a minute after graduation.

And while I found the idea of giving up fandom terrifying, I again can only assume that for these type of person, NOT giving up fandom becomes something terrifying. "Of course this is transient. Of course I'm going to change. I can't wait to change, I hate who I am now! Why did these so-called adults not change? Changing to not like this kind of thing is a sign of Maturity and Adulthood that I am eagerly waiting for, because I believe there's something wrong with being this way, and therefore I assume the adults I see doing this are immature, have something wrong with them, are childish, cannot be Doing Adulthood Right, because they didn't give up the thing."

"I know, in my heart, that I can't WAIT to change, so if they don't want to change, if they haven't changed, something must be wrong with them."

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is the only reason. People are way too complex for there ever to be One Explanation Of All. I'm sure some of the teens who engage in ageist bullying just think they're ~cool~ and ~different~ and their name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Others are just uncomfortable with adults, with or without cause, and think "you don't belong in the same space as me." Some surely have drank the conservative kool-aid even as they've tried to change and are pantomiming the bullshit they were fed by those around them in new and unpleasant ways. Some think "this media was made for people like me and anyone who isn't like me can't possibly be engaging it in the Correct And Proper Way."

Some will grow out of it - out of fandom, or out of thinking that being an adult in fandom is wrong/bad/inappropriate/immature/whatever.

A few especially unpleasant ones...won't.

Unlike young!me, who looked at fannish grown ups and thought "wow, I could grow up to be like them, they're so cool!", you think "ew, I hope I don't grow up to be like them, they're so weird!"

And if that's you...why are you here?

If you don't actually like who are you when you're in fandom, that's okay. You don't have to stay. If you lose your friends because your interests change, then those friends stink and you didn't need them anyway; people who actually care about you will always keep by your side even if your interests and theirs diverge. But just cause YOU are performing your interest in fandom...doesn't mean the rest of us are. Some of us genuinely like it here. And you might think that's fucked up of us, but it's honestly none of your fucking business. You do what you gotta do to grow up, and leave the rest of us already-grown-ups alone.

And if you do genuinely love it and you're just scared because you think you'll have to change - that you'll reach some mystical age of majority and suddenly wake up a different person...you won't. For better and for worse, you'll still be you, so if there's things about yourself you don't like, it'd be better to start working on unpacking that psychological baggage now, because there's never gonna be a miracle point where you Feel Better And Like An Adult unless you put in the effort to change.

Teenagers...you will not grow up to be a new person. You will never give up who you are. You will grow up to be You-Plus-More.

And if that's something you hear and go "omg that's great news!" then I'm glad to be the one who told you. Take heart. There's hope. You can be you and that WILL be okay. You can face up to and grow from the things about yourself you don't like. You can learn more about yourself. You have time, and you will be able to improve yourself, to become more like the parts of yourself you like and less like the parts you hate.

And if that's something you hear and go "oh god no that's the worst" then you need to stare that reaction in the face and understand that the only way change is coming is if you make it happen for yourself. No one is strong-arming you into being a fan. If it's not for you...then stop. It's literally that easy. But don't take out your uncertainty and fear on other random people who are more comfortable with themselves than you are. Most of us are not here because of fear. We're here in the face of our fear, as a fuck you to our fear, because we also grew up being told we'd have to give up so-called childish things to be An Adult, and it turns out that was a pile of bullshit and we can have careers AND anime posters. And we can afford more anime posters, cause our parents are no longer telling us how to spend our money.

If your participation in fandom is primarily performative...just stop performing. Be yourself, and find your OWN passion, and stop shitting on the people who have managed to be more true to themselves and their own interests. You're not cool and edgy and different; you're just an asshole and a bully, and I pity you.

Anyway as you can tell from this rambly mess of a post, I haven't really gotten my finger on my point yet, but idk. I've been thinking about this and I think there's something there???

[nessguts]

Sending anonymously but I AM SO OBSESSED W/ THE WAY YOU DRAW VEGETA AND KAKAROT OMGG

Dragon Ball has a rlly hard style to replicate, that and sometimes putting characters into ones own style can be difficult, while still making them read as yknow that character but WOWOWOW I love the way u do it so much!!! Like wow that’s them!! It’s so good. That’s all ty

omg fjdkfj thank you this is ssooo sweet lol

to be fair i have been drawing dragon ball for nearly 9 years now so i’d hope by this point i’m at least somewhat good at drawing them fjskjf

i actually taught myself how to draw by drawing dragon ball stuff at a young age so i kind of feel as though dbz is baked into my style, often times when i show strangers my art one of the first things they ask is if i’m into any older animes lmaoo so maybe it’s not that i’m good at drawing dbz but instead its that its like all i know how to draw 😭

anyway, thank you so much you’re very sweet ^_^

[darsynia]

Upside Down and Backwards | Oneshot

I'm glad I worked out the angle that made this story less a rehash of Animate Objects, because I enjoyed writing it and wanted to share! I wanted to add I am deeply honored that you suggested that I write one of your OCs. I was so touched I kind of blocked that out the first time, my dear @sobeautifullyobsessed, because I didn't know what to say, and I feel like that was a disservice to you.

Summary: Stephen understands why the best place to train new devotees to the Mystic Arts is Kamar Taj when he impulsively saves the life of a young woman. It turns out he trained himself on all sorts of mindfulness-- except for the kind where he sees someone he wants and steals her from fate's grasp without thought to the consequences.

Length/Warnings: 2,544 / rated T for swearing

UPSIDE DOWN AND BACKWARDS

The problem with having access to actual magic is that in the real world, you’re not instantly granted the discernment to use it un-chaotically.

In retrospect, that was probably why the Ancient One and her predecessors trained people in Kamar Taj: to keep large mistakes at a minimum.

It’s not that Stephen thinks of himself as a novice, it’s just that he’s recently gone through a sequence of life-changing events, and that kind of thing changes a man. Enough to make him incapable of watching someone else go through a life- ending event without intervening.

The moment had been simple enough; one second he was standing in front of his favorite cafe with a to-go cup, the next he was sending you into the mirror dimension with a sweep of his hand. The old man’s sedan didn’t hit you, instead crashing into the building across the street with considerably less energy than it would have without Stephen’s interference. Everything happened fast enough that he was able to jog across the street, enter the mirror dimension to find you standing dumbstruck and confused. He’d led you out through a portal back to a nearby alleyway, and before you could say anything, Stephen had portaled back to the Sanctum.

It wasn't until he went to take his first sip of his coffee that he noticed it was gone.

A mysterious stranger saved your life. He’d also given you coffee.

It’s days later, and you’re still bemused. You’d gone home and looked up ‘Avengers’ in an incognito window, but none of the pictures had looked familiar. Statistically speaking, those particular heroes are unlikely to be the only ones who exist, but you’re understandably obsessed by how and why you were saved. 

The only other clue you have is the coffee he’d handed you, and since today is your day off, you head down to the cafe it came from, seeking answers. 

You’re in luck: the barista recognizes your description of the man (you’re not surprised. He’s distinctive and handsome, certainly memorable), remembers the drink he usually gets, and only then thinks to tell you that he’d been there ten minutes ago.

“Do you know where he came from?” you ask, and the barista gives you a sly look. “He saved my life,” you explain, feeling oddly like that should be a secret between yourself and the stranger, somehow. “I ended up with his coffee-- I just want to return the favor.” --and ask him a million questions, confront him about how in the heck he did what he did, where he came from, where he’s going, whether he’d maybe like to have coffee WITH you sometime--

This seems to earn you the young woman’s trust, and she points out which way to head. You don’t think you can catch up, but it’s a nice day, and you don’t know how else to find him.

Five minutes into your hurried pace, though, you suddenly find yourself in a garden, with no idea how you got there. You catch a glimpse of golden sparks in your peripheral vision, and alarm floods your senses. Determined not to go down without a fight, you take the lid off of your piping hot coffee, tossing the liquid at the tall figure that’s approaching you.

“Aurghhhh!” the man hollers, as you drop into the kind of fighting stance you’ve seen on tv shows. He moves his hands in a strange way, and an odd blue light flickers to life, bathing his body in its glow for a few seconds, before he straightens and frowns at you. “I suppose I deserved that.”

It’s your handsome (somehow dry and un-stained) stranger.

“What do you want?” you say, snatching your keys from your pocket and trying to arrange them between your knuckles like you’d seen in a YouTube video once. The man is silent, and you look over to see his skeptical expression, complete with expressive eyebrows. “Just because you have magical powers doesn’t mean I give in without a fight!” you grumble.

“No, no, I’m impressed,” your captor says.

He sounds anything but. You try to take in your surroundings in a way that won’t reveal your next move, but he gestures to the courtyard that borders the small garden you’re standing inside.

“I thought the garden would be soothing. A non-threatening space.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Are there mountains in the distance? You back up a little bit, adjusting your stance so there’s a column in the way of the view you refuse to believe is real. The man before you is similarly unrealistic; handsome, clearly powerful in a mysterious way, and confident. Your fatal weakness.

The man is nodding. “All right, in retrospect, kidnapping you after wordlessly saving your life using inexplicable means is the opposite of reassuring. I swear, when I planned this, it wasn’t supposed to turn out this way!”

“So you’re admitting to premeditated kidnapping? Smooth, real smooth,” you say, sidestepping to stand next to instead of in front of the plant you’d been cowering near. There’s a wooden sign on a stake planted in the ground next to it, and you intend on grabbing it in a minute. Unfortunately, you’ve telegraphed your intentions.

“Will you just--” he says in an exasperated voice-- and suddenly, you’re being lifted in midair in a haze of golden magic. “Listen to me?”

“You’re really used to getting your way, aren’t you?” you blurt out. For some reason, the man’s bizarre blunders and frustration are reassuring in ways his grandiose displays are not. Not that you’re going to tell him that. He’d probably look smug and then you’d really be in trouble.

His brows are furrowed. “Yes, actually.”

“How long has it been since you’ve needed to say please?” The man’s hands drop to his sides, consequently dropping you to your feet. You’re rather proud of the way you manage to keep your balance, in the face of all of this. To press your advantage, you say, “Well, I don’t know about you, but I was taught the golden rule. Do unto others, and all that. So: please explain what the everliving heck is going on?”

He should be angry. He should be affronted. Instead, Stephen’s captivated. You are uncowed, unsoothable, and somehow undaunted in the face of everything he’s done. Hell, he’d almost accidentally dropped you on your ass, and you’d landed on your feet.

“‘What’s going on?’ I thought I saved a damsel in distress, but it turns out I’ve abducted a wildcat instead!” he says, just to see what your reaction will be. 

“Exactly what would you expect a person to do in this situation?” You are incredulous, but even so, you seem to be looking around for a weapon of some sort.

All of a sudden, it strikes him that you might be unconsciously ramping up based on his own vehemence. Taking in a deep breath, he connects with the mindfulness he’d only touched lightly back in his surgeon days, the kind he’d perfected in his first months at Kamar Taj. You’d been tensing up like you were about to run, maybe grab hold of something nearby, but you let out a breath of your own and watch him.

“Frankly, I’d expect you to be afraid of my power,” he says quietly, sliding a casual hand into his trouser pocket. “I’m not in the whole sorcerer getup today.” Stephen leans forward conspiratorially, adding, “I feel certain if I were, you’d have been a little cowed.”

“I do recall some kind of blue contraption,” you muse.

Contraption! He almost, almost gets upset, but as Stephen circles you to slough off some of his frustration, he sees a bit of a twinkle in your eyes. You do seem attuned to him-- but that doesn’t mean you’ve ceased fighting back.

You’re just doing it in a different way.

“All right, Java Joe the All Powerful, what do you really want? I could have plans you’re disrupting with this, you know.”

Java Joe? You fight dirty, it seems. He stops in his tracks to slowly turn toward you. For a long moment, the two of you look at each other, and he watches the signs of embarrassment rise in your body language. Even so, you don’t look away despite starting to shift your weight from foot to foot, and he feels something stir deep inside.

Right as your hands start to jitter at your sides, Stephen raises a single eyebrow.

You burst out laughing.

Stephen grits his teeth and waits, but not because he’s annoyed. Oh, no. It’s worse than that. He grits his teeth to prevent a smile. You’re a handful, and he’s been alone a long time.

“Well played,” you finally say, lifting your chin. “I’d ask forgiveness for the shitty coffee nickname, but I don’t think your dignity suffered a whit there. I just have to ask: have you ever looked at yourself when you lift an eyebrow like that? It’s just the most--” 

“Go on.”

You angle your head sideways at the tone of his voice, your eyes narrowing, and Stephen’s breath catches. Is there a way you can sense his inner turmoil?

It seems that you can, because you step forward. “I was going to say it was very dramatic, maybe even villainous, but I’ve changed my mind about you. You’re no villain.”

“Am I meant to be disappointed?” Stephen can’t help but ask.

Your smile is lovely, sending another tremor toward his heart’s hastily-erected sheath of armor. “Not at all, because I think you know that heroes are still dangerous. I can rephrase, if you like.” With a regal dignity that makes him mentally dress you as some kind of Roman empress, you bow before him, pulling yourself back up to a stand as you say, “All Powerful one, tell me why I’m here?” You meet his gaze and brazenly raise a single eyebrow of your own.

In that moment, Stephen understands why he’d saved you. He wants you. He’d somehow known that in the split second your paths crossed-- but would he have done it if he’d realized that by saving your life, he might end up being responsible for it?

“Hardly ‘all powerful,’ but close,” he says smoothly, walking closer. Only when he’s inches away and you’re still standing tall and unafraid does Stephen speak again. “I wanted to know what you thought happened that day. Then I didn’t want you to lash out before I got to--” he breaks off, surprised at himself. The things he wants to say, the things he wants to do, they’re not ‘day we met’ kinds of things.

They might be, though, if your time is short.

“What is it?” you murmur, looking worried again.

Stephen smiles, feeling the sweetness along with the bitter realization that his gut is usually right. If it is, he might have a fight with fate on his hands.

“I stole you away,” he whispers. It’s been forever since he’s done this, snatched someone from death’s grasp. Usually he puts them back together better than nature had. He’s never put someone back together with magic before. “I suppose I’m afraid I don’t get to keep you.”

The words fall out before he can stop them, but you drift forward rather than back, as though the seismic sway he’s been feeling might have harmony to it.

“Before I react to that, tell me what you mean?” you say, your eyes searching his.

“I hadn’t meant to say--” Stephen starts, but shakes his head decisively. “I’ve saved lives before, with skill. I don’t know whether there are different rules for lives saved with magic.”

Your eyes widen, but with awe, not fear. “So you really mean ‘keep,’ don’t you! You think some sort of Cosmic Conservator will come and fix the glitch?” Stephen nods. “Who says you’re not the Conservator?”

With the same split-second impulsiveness that he used to save your life, Stephen reaches out and draws the back of his fingers across your cheek. The touch is electric, stunning his vocal cords to a deeper register. 

“Would a Conservator do this?” he says, right before his lips brush yours.

You’re delighted by the shocking heat of his touch. There’s an instant yearning that takes over both of you after that first testing press, as though it could be possible to attune to a person’s charge within seconds of tasting them.

Somehow, without knowing his name, you trust this man, both as a function of seeing his frustration (something almost as intimate as feeling the prickle of his beard as the kiss goes on), and knowing he’s saved you at least once. There’s something desperately moral about him, almost arrogantly so, and you tug him closer, hoping to spark more frustration and thus another thrill.

From across the courtyard, there’s the sound of voices, of many feet, and you slide your hands down from clutching his collar to press on his chest, reluctant to stop but unsure of your surroundings. The man gentles the kiss so sweetly that you’re left reeling when he does pull back.

“My name is Stephen,” he whispers with a thin, vulnerable smile. “I’m doing this all out of order, and I have to make you angry with me again, because--”

Breaking off without explanation, Stephen pulls you to his side and swings one hand in a circle in front of you, drawing up the golden electricity you’d seen more than once before. It leads to the very spot he’d kidnapped you from.

“You left me with a coffee, last time. Is the kiss more valuable, do you think?” you say, clasping your arms around yourself to bolster your stung confidence. 

Stephen’s response is another unexpected kiss, brief but heartfelt. He leads you through the sparking archway right afterwards, his expression stern but earnest as he takes your hand.

“Why do I feel like I’m already in danger of leaving my heart behind?” he whispers, shaking his head as though he’s as stunned at the possibility as you are. It feels right, though, and you want to tell him that, but Stephen stops you. “Hold still, I--” 

His hands are already moving, generating neon runic symbols in the air that hover for a few seconds before rushing towards you to disappear in splashes of magical light.

“Protection spell. I have to go, but something tells me you'll subsist on curiosity and fury until I can step away again.”

“That’s a given,” you manage to say through the spinning of your heart and head. Things like this don’t happen to ordinary people like you, but you suppose that no one is ordinary, once Stephen takes notice of them. “Stephen?” you blurt out, after he steps back, obviously about to leave. He lifts his eyebrows, and you say, “Take care of it, will you?”

“Of?”

“The part of my heart you stole away. We still have to find out whether it belongs to you or Death, right?”

Stephen’s grin is blinding. “Right. I’ll, ah…” he steps back into the halo of his portal and lifts his chin, a picture of utter confidence. “I’ll pull some strings.”

His smile is the last thing you see as the whirl of the portal closes between you.

[wilcze-kudly]

Ask game!

Thanks for tagging me, @linnorabeifong, love ❤️

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?:

Yep, named after my dead grandmother. I don't go by Lola anymore but it's still something most of my family call me so. Call it a dying name instead of a deadname.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:

A few weeks ago. Was feeling super insecure about my writing and art and everything. Had a nice cry. Got better. I don't cry that often? Its actually very difficult for me to cry.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?:

Nope. But I have a chihuahua, which is kind of like a baby.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/ HAVE YOU PLAYED?:

I don't play any sports currently but I used to be a super active kid before the dysphoria and depression kicked in. I did unihockey, football, basketball, aerial dance, taekwondo, horse riding and attended a shooting range. I kinda miss those days. Physical activity used to be fun. I enjoyed gaining skills and working out.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?:

Yep. I don't use it via text often, but I think IRL I tend to be a very sarcastic person. My mom instilled it in me at a young age and now it pisses her off.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?:

Nose. I know its weird. I just do.

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR?:

A quite dark brown, black in poor lighting.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS:

Scary movies. I enjoy a good horror. Adore it even.

ANY TALENTS?:

Nope. I'm fascinated by almost everything around me but to be good enough at something to call it a talent... absolutely not.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?:

Warsaw, born and bred.

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?:

As previously stated, anything can catch my interest but my pervailing hobbies are more to do with making things. Cooking, baking, sewing, crocheting, art, writing, etc. I'm obsessed with creating stuff, even if I'm shit at it. Feel anxious if I don't.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?:

The previously mentioned chihuahua. It's Mister Cloudy, using his tail as a pillow as always.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?:

I am 5.7 which is apparently tall, though I am the shortie of my family.

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?:

I don't think I enjoyed school that much. I think I liked Polish Lit the most.

DREAM JOB?:

To be honest, I don't have a dream job. Currently I'm aiming to work somewhere in the sewing industry but that may change. A job isn't exactly at the forefront of my mind, or a goal. I just wanna make things and be happy.

No pressure tags to: @makosbiggestdickrider @thatoneguy56fanfic @chocolate-cringymuffin @appalesbian @orangepanic

[dungeonsandblorbos]

Hello and Welcome!

it's a new year and a lot has happened since the last time i did an intro, including a new campaign starting and me making a new years resolution to indulge my creative side more, so i'd like to re-introduce myself and also say hello to the writblr community!

my main blog is @persnickety-peahen, so that's where all my follows will come from. you can call me any variation of either of my blog names, or just C; they/she pronouns. i'm in my mid-twenties, happily married, queer, and neurodivergent.

i've been enamored with the idea of writing from childhood, but since university a lot of that energy has gotten channeled into TTRPGs due to life circumstances, so now instead of writing i obsess over my PCs and make long, detailed documents full of exploitable backstory content, NPCs, and worldbuilding elements for my DM(s)! :D

yes i am and have always been the designated note-taker in all of my campaigns, why do you ask?

aside from writing and TTRPGs, i enjoy baking, taking wiki walks, and playing Stardew Valley, and lately i've also started teaching myself how to do pixel art. i love the blorbos from my campaigns so much and will impulsively share stories about them to anyone who will listen, hence me making this blog as a place to infodump about my beloveds! content here includes fun stories from the big four campaigns i've been part of, out of context session notes, and especially various kinds of mentally ill blorbo posting, as well as a bunch of reblogs of stuff from the writblr, whumpblr, and TTRPG communities (including pretty dice and dice trays!). someday i might also get around to posting an actual ongoing narrative recap of one of my campaigns, and some of the blorbo-related pixel art i've been making.

i'd love to be more active here, so please feel free to send me asks about any of the characters or campaigns, or even just TTRPG things in general, as i'm always happy to talk about them. i'm also open to writblr tag games, even if they don't fully apply to a TTRPG context—if it gives me an excuse to blab about my blorbos, i will make it work!

see below the cut for a description of my big four campaigns and my player characters from them!

Curse of Strahd Homebrew Status: on haitus but hopefully resuming soon! System: DnD 5e Story: this is a heavily homebrewed version of the 5e Curse of Strahd campaign book (like, we're talking a good 80% or more homebrew) DMed by my husband, @somethingclevermahogony. it's all of your dark queer gothic horror dreams come true! (and also body horror. lots of body horror. and whump, for good measure) it follows a group of naive young adventurers who find themselves lured to and trapped in Barovia, a country banished to its own little pocket dimension in the Shadowfell over 400 years ago as punishment for the atrocities committed by its dread king Strahd von Barovich. here, they encounter challenges and horrors beyond anything they've ever experienced before, including hordes of vengeful undead, capitalist hags who sell hallucinogenic pies made with 'shrooms and children's brain matter, an eldritch not-quite-god and his/their cursed corn farm, a delusional angel who repairs people's broken bodies without care for consent, and, of course, the dread king Strahd himself, as well as his many powerful and loyal followers. all of them seek to manipulate our would-be heroes to their own ends—and unfortunately for everyone, they've been rather successful so far. Main Blorbo: in this campaign, i play a 23-year-old human tempest cleric called Cerris, who is a solid 80% of the reason i made this sideblog. he's my comfort character. he's my bisexual disaster babygirl. he's my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good bad time boy. he's like the dysfunctional lovechild of Clark Kent and Jonathan Harker: a sheltered farmboy of debatably noble birth granted a sliver of divine power by circumstances beyond his control, who just left home for the first time to answer the call of adventure and got stuck here in fantasy Transylvania instead, where he has since become Strahd's new favorite plaything. among other poor decisions, he has 1) gotten romantically entangled with Ireena Kolyana, a fiery though equally sheltered young noblewoman who is unfortunately the object of Strahd's obsessive plans to escape Barovia and conquer Faerun, 2) inadvertently adopted the sweet but chaotic Milo, a halfling boy turned into a horrible monster by Strahd's experiments 400 years ago (the Bagman. Cerris adopted the Bagman), and 3) gotten himself possessed by the angry ghost of Strahd's little brother, Sergei, whom Strahd killed and cannibalized in an unfortunately effective bid to gain godlike power. he has a lot to learn before he's ready to face Strahd, but i believe that one day, Cerris will help save Barovia. Bonus Blorbo: if Cerris is my babygirl, then Milo is my precious little meow meow—hence my tag for him being #meow meow Milo. yes he is the Bagman, and yes he did almost eat my other party member among many other horrible things, but he's also just a traumatized smol bean and i forgive him for everything. if anything happened to him, Cerris would kill everyone in Barovia and then himself.

Ruins of Runet Status: active System: DnD 5e Story: an entirely homebrew campaign also DMed by my wonderful husband! it's a horror campaign at heart, this time focusing more on eldritch and existential horror. once, the world of Runet was just like any other, vibrant and fantastical and full of magic, connected to the vast network of other worlds and planes across the universe. and then, suddenly, the gods all vanished. magic left Runet with them, and the planet's connections to other worlds were severed irreparably. the result was nothing less than apocalyptic: entire peoples and species died out instantly, cities and nations collapsed, famine and disease and war ran rampant. but the survivors adapted, building a new world from the ashes. now, 600 years after the collapse, magic has returned, throwing the world into chaos once again. and though magic has come back, the gods have not. various powerful factions have all launched investigations into this sudden reappearance, hoping to claim the secret of magic for themselves. at the center of it all sits the Church of Divine Repentance, and a millenia-old conflict between eldritch forces known only as the Mother and the Eternal Body, with the people of Runet caught in the crossfire. Main Blorbo: in this campaign, i play a 29-year-old human fighter/sorcerer named Don Ariel Feliciano Rosalio Sentera Alvedes, from the barely unified country of Restitos*. Ariel is an hidalgo, a member of the untitled nobility, and as the youngest of four sons, he had very little expectations of inheriting anything; even so, excellence was demanded of him since childhood. as a result, he's grown up ambitious and hungry, willing to make himself into whatever kind of person he needs to be in any given moment in order to accomplish his goals. he's charismatic and self-assured, and while he can be slimy and artificial (or else callous and abrasive if he feels you aren't worth his time), he is nonetheless noble in character, enduringly loyal, and committed to the values of noblesse oblige. he's also a bisexual, gender-fucky horse girl and (un?)ethical slutty secretary with a daily skincare routine and a cringefail romantic history! :D he's almost gotten engaged but then ruined everything—twice. his only serious long-term relationship was a secret affair with his employer, a married duke who's old enough to be his father (but don't worry, the duchess knew and was cool about it), which ended abruptly when the duke got assassinated and Ariel found his disfigured body the next morning. and then the duke's oldest son informally accused him of the murder and that conversation went so terribly that he fled the country immediately afterwards to avoid being arrested and executed. no, he's not actually guilty, just a convenient scapegoat, stop fucking asking him if he did it. in conclusion, Ariel is such a fucking mess and i love him. Bonus Blorbo: Malva Oriana is Ariel's 13-year-old warhorse, a beautiful perlino Catalencian Pure (essentially a fantasy Andalusian) he trained himself. she's a bold, intelligent, and well-tempered horse, albeit more than a bit spoiled, and she and Ariel are terribly co-dependent on each other in light of the recent trauma they've experienced. *Additional Note: Restitos is largely culturally inspired by post-Reconquista Spain, and since my character ended up being the only PC from that country, i got to help with a lot of the worldbuilding for it! a fact i took full advantage of! so more than likely, any worldbuilding stuff i post here will specifically be about Restitos

Cauldron & Kettle Questing Co. Status: completed System: DnD 5e Story: this was my second campaign with my university TTRPG group, where my husband was also a player. set in the world of Acquisitions, Incorporated, an actual play podcast by Penny Arcade based around the idea of classic adventuring parties but make it ~capitalism~, this campaign was primarily played out of the official Acquisitions, Inc. playbook, with some additional homebrew expansions and a nice little extra homebrew arc on the end that introduced us to the incredible chaos of the D10,000 wild magic table. the story ended up going real hard on the queer found family vibes, and there were several story beats that made us all real emotional together. we played as the Cauldron & Kettle Questing Company, a Phandalin-based subsidiary branch of the larger Acquisitions, Inc. corporation. we also owned a tea shop called the Cauldron & Kettle Cafe, and we had a steam-powered teapot-shaped vehicle dubbed the Tea Trolley which we put to excellent use in combat. the story followed the Cauldron & Kettle Questing Co. as we established our branch and completed increasingly dire quests for our parent corporation that we were not remotely qualified for. and uh, no, we did not really get any special rewards or pay raises or anything after saving the world—twice—but hey, that's business baby! Main Blorbo: for this campaign, i played a 30-year-old half-elf light cleric/bard named Jun Vyardes. having grown up the daughter of a traveling bard, she's great with change, but never learned how to put down roots. when she left Daddy Bard's side and devoted herself to Vestia, a human goddess of domestic fires and revelry, she thought she'd found her home. for some time, she really was content there—but the road still called to her, so with her goddess's blessing, she set out on a new adventure. she's fiercely devoted to her friends and committed to justice, plays a mean fiddle, and has some great recipes for edibles. after joining Acq, Inc. and meeting the rest of her party, it only took Jun a couple of months to realize that her new teammates—along with her one true love Eleni, a fellow devotee of Vestia—were exactly the home she had always been searching for. and she's going to protect that, whatever it takes. Bonus Blorbo: my husband played Tim Cobbletoss, a 34-year-old half-orc barbarian with the temperament of a british grandma on account of being raised by halfings . . . after his human bard father abandoned him at an orphanage because he couldn't take care of two half-human bastard children at the same time. yes, that's right, Tim and Jun are half-siblings! at first they both hated each other because Jun was jealous that Tim got to have a stable childhood with a loving parent who understood proper boundaries and didn't exploit their musical talent for money or use them as an unwilling wingman, and because Tim was jealous that Jun got to have an actual relationship with their father and learn things from him when all Tim got from Daddy Bard was the family signature ginger hair and abandonment issues. fortunately, though, they eventually got over the mutual jealousy and started bonding over parental trauma, terrible workplace conditions, and a shared love of fantasy weed. and now they're best friends and ruthlessly defend each other against Daddy Bard's nonsense whenever he tries to re-insert himself into their lives.

The Orphic Uprising and The Amazonomachy Status: Completed System: Cypher Story: these were two continuous arcs that together formed the first campaign with my university TTRPG group. it was a homebrew story set in the world of Percy Jackson, following a small group of simultaneously inept and hyper-competent demigods from Camp Half-Blood on their various (mis)adventures. out of character, we called ourselves the Confusion Crew due to the sheer absurdity of some of the shenanigans we got up to. it was delightful. in the first arc, The Orphic Uprising, Dionysus got kidnapped and four campers were singled out by prophecy to go rescue him from the Underworld and stop the children of Nyx from taking over Olympus. and in the second arc, The Amazonomachy, set a year later, the mad queen of the Amazons got it into her head (through children of Nyx-related manipulation, it seems) that, just like the titans had been overthrown by the gods, it was high time the gods were overthrown by their own children. so three of us from the last quest, plus two new unlucky campers who happened to be in the wrong right place at the wrong right time, set about saving the Olympians' asses again. Main Blorbo: in this campaign, i played Nina Grayson, a (at the end of the campaign) 19-year-old daughter of Nike, goddess of victory. Nina was an impulsive, reckless, extremely determined little fighter (emphasis on little, she's 5' tall and like 110lbs), as well as a talented gymnast, dancer, and rock climber, who put so much pressure on herself to succeed—because, ya know, literally the daughter of victory—that she was more than willing to fight dirty if that's what it took to win. she was an absolute monster in combat, nigh unkillable with high damage output and multiple debuff abilities. she was also a menace outside of combat because she put all of her points into physical abilities and left nothing for brains or charisma. yes, indeed, she was a badass buff socially inept himbo lesbian and she ruled. iconic himbo acts of hers include solving a puzzle by punching a horse statue in the face, getting set on fire then putting it out by drenching herself in monster blood, solving a locked door problem by punching the lock open, splitting the party to play double agent without telling her friends she was only fake-betraying them, and solving a bitchy goddess problem by punching said goddess in the face so hard it temporarily killed her. at some point she also acquired the nickname Larry and we made all the appropriate three stooges jokes about it, don't you worry. Bonus Blorbo: in the first arc we picked up a funny little grain alcohol demon who looked like if a cabbage patch doll was an actual baby-shaped root vegetable. we named him Hops and fed him illegally acquired beer. he was our mascot and team pet and beloved child, and sometimes my husband's character, a son of Dionsysus named Chuck Hickey, would throw him like a football at enemies and use him like an Entangle spell. other times he'd just carry him around in a baby björn. both activities were excellent enrichment for Hops.

and that's it! thank you for reading and please enjoy my blog!

[the-enzyme]

I repainted my fan-art Ken Kaneki (MYou Bettina male) for the second time. I had enhanced the 1st face up I gave him previously. However, I decided to attempt painting him the way I learned to do 1:6 sculpts, form that one (15 episodes) tutorial I watched. I was impatient however, which I regret to no tomorrow. So, I was able to get most of the pigmented skin texture on there with mostly acrylics. Then I grew impatient, because I was taking too long (it was dumb of me, terribly so!). 

I am still super happy with how he looks despite using pastels and ruining the beautiful subtleness I had going on. I did take progress photos, but they ar more awful than these. I am of course heavily disappointed in my hair strokes -- my eyebrows and eyelashes are horrid. However, I am happy with how much more mature he appears, due to the heavy dark brows, so I’ll probably be keeping them for a while (before I start obsessing and repaint him again!). 

I need to get a new pointy brush, because I managed to already ruin the one I was using to paint my Sephiroth and Leon 1:6 head sculpts. Bettina has much, much larger eyes, and I was still not able to get not-so-clean, but kind of sharp lines like on Sephy. I wasn’t able to do a better job on Leon either, but he has tinier eyes and they were sculpted way off, so I kind of have to cheat with the way I shade his lower eyelid to make it look like they are a more accurate shape. Leaving me to having to pain the lashes on an area that is hard to do so (and yes, I also suck, so there’s that too!). 

Still, I am super happy with my Kaneki fan-art doll so far. I wish he had broader shoulders, and overall, more lean-young-male body proportions, like Kaneki has in the anime. Instead of noodle arms and child-bearing-hips. Besides the proportions, I am in-love with this tiny face! He’s so pretty and has great lips, as he as intended to be female, but can be a very versatile sculpt! (: Now I just need to start making some actual Kaneki inspired clothes and maybe a more accurate wig, as painful as that will be. I was thinking of this wig as his default one, but it makes him look cone-headed. Lol! DX

[drill-teeth-art]

Heya Otto! Sorry if I’m getting a little obsessed with yall, but I just wanted to tell you how much your art has been helping me. well, I’ve had a rough few days, gender-wise and self-image-wise, and earlier I caught my reflection, but instead of thinking “I hate myself” again, I just thought “oh hey I kind of look like those gorgeous guys on the Drill Teeth Art blog.” (And SO gorgeous, like your art is so cool and pretty and expressive that it can get me invested in characters from a show that I’ve never even seen (granted they ARE giant robots which is pretty sick no mater how much of the lore you understand)), anyway, Idk if you remember, but I’m the guy who wrote that ask about you being a fellow fat/trans/gay Orin truther, but idk if I mentioned that what got me to become a fat/trans/gay orin truther is that I am fat and trans and gay and Im playing him in my HS production of Little Shop, and seeing your art made me so happy, and I think it’s cause It taught me that my version of Orin wasn’t just an exception made in leu of the “ideal” thin cis actor’s portrayal, and that like, **I** can be the ideal, if that makes sense. Anyway thank you for your art, it does a lot of good, you’re rad

I do remember you! Hi there again! Always nice to see you in my notes I'm so glad you like my art that much! I'm transcending fandoms here.

And hey omg congrats on the role you will do excellent! Living out the high school dream I missed out on, actually. I wanted to audition for my high school's production of Little Shop of Horrors, but they never really cast trans students to play characters with their gender identity or anyone other than a handful of the same conventionally attractive students every production lol. So I didn't even try.

You're doing excellent out there and living a dream I could not huge congrats on that! You'll make a great Orin. Also being trans, fat, and gay is so cool that's incredible. Immeasurable swag!

Thanks for reaching out and for the kind words and have fun on stage!

[spindrifters]

dude i really dont know how to tell you this in a comprehensible way but im just so in awe at you. i've been following your blog for maybe two months or smth bc of the constant wolfstar spam and really enjoy that.

but also i find it so so nice to see an adult in fandom that is comfortable with being an adult in fandom. i've seen lots of people turn away from fandom activity as they grow older (especially from harry potter related stuff. ig it becomes embarrassing for people) but i couldn't imagine that for myself as it is a big part of my own life. why would i stop engaging in a community that shares art and stories and beliefs?

(also as i'm a nonbinary teenager my heart just kind of jumps seeing an adult whos comfy presenting themselves like that on the internet. i'm finishing school soon and growing into the age where lots of people in my social circle seem to expect from me to grow out of this "phase". ALSO i make art myself and its just cool to see "real" writers in fandom. (i really hope me telling you this doesn't bother you.))

i just wanna tell you that your silly little posts always make me giggle and this blog feels like its own little safe space :) hope you're having a nice day <3

I want you to know that it really made my day to wake up to this.

I remember being a teenager and seeing my 30+ fandom friends and just sort of thinking well that's great for them, but there was an underlying assumption that I'd probably grow out of it by then. which made me really sad, but I assumed it was just a natural part of growing up. and then I didn't grow out of it. but more importantly, like you've said, I became really comfortable with it. if football fanboys can have their niche obsessive interests their whole life, then so can I. that's something that happens across the board, at least in my experience. I hit 27 or 28 I think and started embracing things I thought I'd have to put away as an adult, only now I had the freedom to do it in ways I didn't when I was younger. (I'm not just talking fandom. I'm talking dying my hair pink after 7 years of blonde because it made me happy and I stopped caring about it looking professional.)

and I do think part of this is because there's no actual way to 'be an adult.' part of that's because the markers and milestones boomers and much of gen x had don't really exist for us anymore. so you get older and it's a realization that, "I don't have to look and act like an adult. an adult looks and acts like me, because that's what I am." and then you start to meet other people who think similarly. the community of 30+ fans here on tumblr dot com are honestly some of the best people I know.

anyway, all this is to say, I so remember what those growing pains you're going through/can see on the horizon were like, especially relating to the interests I had that society messaged to me were shameful to have. I was a teenager during peak fangirl shaming of the 00s/10s. so I turned it into a fucking career instead.

I'm really, really glad that this feels like a safe space for you, it makes my lil gremlin heart very cozy and warm. xx