#kind of. depressing. now that i think abt it. what happened to me

[ajdrawshq]

gonna be real here folks i think smth might really be up with me. in the physical sense this time . ouchie

[szczylpierdolony]

life is falling through my fingers more that usually

[lokh]

in the spirit of the new year i do have to say that i genuinely never thought id stop being depressed but it happened and its always mindblowing to remember lmao

[livestock-and-bibles]

Things I've Noticed During My Several Rewatches of The Doomstar Requiem

(Lock in, this is gonna be long)

Murderface is the only one out of the group to have a completely obscured face, possession foreshadowing perhaps? Also he lacks the golden streaks on the halo-esque circles behind them. Inch resting... (Not gonna talk too much abt when the scene goes red and the beam behind Murderface is dripping blood because I believe it's already been talked about before by others, and I don't want to include anything in this post that's already been discussed) Also I love how all of their weapons match their instruments

The way Toki doesn't even flinch when he gets alcohol poured on his wound is heartbreaking, likely either because the torture his parents put him through as a kid has given him a wicked pain tolerance or because he's so dissociated, similarly to how he behaves in Dethfam when his parents are around or Dethzazz when he's mentally in the punishment hole (I do believe this sort of catatonic state he's in is what's causing him to seem so much worse off than Abigail—though his untreated diabetes + Magnus targeting him more because of his relation to Dethklok probably also adds to it—he's likely not really eating or taking care of himself)

At first I thought that Magnus was feeding them dog food, but on closer inspection I actually believe it to be human remains. Yeesh. You can see it really looks like muscle fibers, and there's bones, as well as skin that still has hair on it. Magnus Hammersmith they could never make me like you

On the table is the Klokateer from Tracking/Ishnifus and The Challenge!!

I think it's interesting how much Nathan's fantasies look like Toki's! I just think it's neat! They're more similar than they seem :)

This is the most expressive we've ever seen Charles and it makes my heart hurt AUUGHH

The way Nathan licks his lips/teeth after the "How can I be a hero when my dick's as big as a shoe" line. DISGUSTING /affectionate

Does this fan look familiar? He should, because it's Dethklok's son, Fatty Ding Dong!! Good to see he's doing well lol, and his real name is Rick, we can also assume that at LEAST four years have passed since season 1, since in season 1 episode 10, he's said to be 14. Since he has a roommate now, he is likely to be around 18 years old

(Apologies for the low quality screencap I had to nab this from Youtube) I kind of wish that the animators didn't change this original animation for the end of The Fans Are Chatting. I just feel like Nathan pushing away the Klokateers is more symbolically relevant. Nathan is quite literally pushing away the safety and security his avoidance has given him, the hologram disappearing and the fans leaving is a metaphor for the fact that he can no longer keep himself deluded into thinking that everything is fine, he can't hide from the truth anymore

Almost all of the Rock A Roonie Fantasy Camp counsellors came to the Dethklok audition, there's even the depressed blues guy in the background. There's also Sammy Candynose from Snakes 'n Barrels, so I like to think that Pickles told him about the auditions

There's also the guitarist from Get Thee Hence

Toki's shadow!!! The wings!!!

The animals they take the form of match two of the guitars Brendon Small created with Gibson, The Thunderhorse and the Snow Falcon :D

It's super tiny but their smiles :'))!!! Also the way their parts play on different sides when you listen with headphones but then combine at this part makes me so crazy. Not only does Toki challenge Skwisgaar and inspire him to get better, but they're also having fun! Which I can imagine never really happened when he played with Magnus

Probably just an animation error but Skwisgaar is animated as his present day self here. Idk, just thought that was interesting

I think the order of the rest of the band joining in on the background vocals is really interesting, it goes: Skwisgaar, Pickles, Nathan, Murderface. Personally I choose to interpret it as a representation of how long it took each member to warm up to Toki as their rhythm guitarist, Skwisgaar was super fast since he was the one to choose him, Pickles was the one wanting a new guitarist in the first place, Nathan and Magnus seemed to be close, so it would definitely take more time for him to accept Toki as the whole Magnus situation would still feel a little raw, and Murderface is a professional hater so of course it took him the longest

I really love just how soft and content Murderface looks in Toki's fantasy. We all know he has a softer side and I think that either Toki perceives it, or possibly Murderface shows it towards him (Which I can believe because they're often together and they get along pretty well, Toki is probably the person Murderface gets along with the best actually)

I also want to mention that at this part of I Believe, Toki is no longer singing along with the other's background vocals, and is harmonizing with himself, which gets really sad when you realize that it's because this was just Toki remembering this to keep himself sane and he's actually kidnapped, hurt, and alone. Ouch :(

The drunk driver who crashed into the Jomfru brothers is the same guy who crashed into Nathan's second grade class in Dethgov. I guess there's only one drunk driver that exists in the Metalocalypse universe lol

I think we as a fandom need to appreciate Eric Jomfru more. He's such a real one. The way they make you care about him after he's already gone is so evil lol /affectionate

The way the Klokateers join in on this song makes me wonder if perhaps they view each other as brothers, or if there's just like a strong sense of brotherhood between them

The groupie on the left can actually be seen in Fatherklok at the beginning of the episode, as one of the women Skwisgaar has been with, so y'know what? She has valid reasons to be mad honestly

Murderface's pose up top always sends me, sir please calm down, keep it together king

Murderface holding his wrist :(

If you look closely, you can actually see that the Revengeancers are eating Ishnifus. Which is just,, utterly horrifying

In between the shots of the band and the assassin, there's so many inconsistencies in the placement of the characters. For the last two images, I just like to rationalize it as Pickles immediately attempting to run away, then noticing that the rest of the band is still there and being like "Oh shit we're squaring up? Ok I guess". I know it's just so Nathan can be in the center when they use the Dethlights but I just think it's funny

Also in the second to last picture, the way Murderface, typically the most cowardly of the band, isn't looking at the assassin, but instead, is looking worriedly at Toki, makes my heart hurt. I adore their relationship

Murderface is actually sleeping in Nathan's bed here. If you compare different shots of their bedrooms and beds, it's clear that this is Nathan's, you can tell from the striped pillowcase. I'm not gonna talk too much about this, mostly because I want to make a separate post talking about how Murderface is seen more than once sleeping in Nathan's bed when he's hurt/unwell. It's very sweet lol

ANYWAY! Thanks for reading these rambles, I love The Doomstar Requiem so much! I might make a post like this for Army of the Doomstar as well, and also just some analysis posts if I get the confidence lol. Big thanks to @ratskal for watching this a dozen times with me and pointing out things too. (I actually reached the max limit of pictures allowed in a post which is a little funny, I am so normal about this show /lying)

[wistfulrat]

・❥・lesbian wangxian reccs ・❥・

ao3topships poll gate made me realize there are hundreds nay thousands of u who dont know abt lesbian wangxian ?? that’s so sad can i proselytize u real quick

mimilamp cinematic universe (the ppl’s mcu) sorry for starting this list with a whole author catalog. as if it's my fault!! these gave me covid. no listen mimilamp fics have feverish lesbian angst levels of hot horny despair that could paralyze a large forest animal. and on a sentence level it's just stunning. messy dykes fumbling toward love confessions while making emotionally insane choices and the sex scenes fuckn bang ??? god is real

good, good - 13.5k E Wei Ying has two broken wrists and now she needs Lan Zhan to help her do stuff (jerk off)

here’s a story - 46k E Wei Ying reluctantly joins her recently-dumped best friend, Lan Zhan, on a couples' holiday retreat. Snow! Drinks! Truth or dare! There's a s-s-s-single bed! You'll never guess what happens next.

out of your system - 20k E “Maybe you should get me out of your system,” Wei Ying blurts. “Maybe that’ll help.” // Wei Ying finds out her best friend Lan Zhan is in love with her and offers a really super solution.

exposure therapy - 14k E Wei Ying clambered up from the floor, put the joint on the corner of the night stand, announced, “Exposure therapy,” and got into Lan Zhan’s bed. // Lan Zhan doesn't like to be touched, Wei Ying likes to touch.

know no one else - 20k E Lan Zhan moves out, Wei Ying's boyfriend moves in. Six months later, Lan Zhan visits, they go to a party, and Wei Ying has something to tell her.

74243 this author should be studied in a lab bc these 2 fics ruined my life. a pulitzer prize short fic with immaculate tone followed by the fuck nastiest shit you will ever read. "wei ying swipes right" still a top 3 bar of all time re: fic summaries. like people died.

chef’s kiss - 6.5k E Wei Ying said, “You know, in some ways I’m kind of depressed. I took your biggest dick on my first try. Now I don’t have anything to build up to.” “There are bigger ones available,” Lan Zhan said lazily. “I can pay for express shipping.” // (Lan Zhan works the late shift.)

pull out game weak - 22.7k E Wei Ying swipes right.

plonk this is the only fic in many ways. dyke nmj's mustache academy award winning breakout role. possessive hot dyke lwj. the sentence "don't knot her you freak." have u ever seen a group chat get rabies in real time. the slut rot breached containment. it was a public health crisis. it brought back horny cinema. cultural reset.

good friends - 11.5k E “I could invite her over for when the game’s done,” Nie Mingjue offers. Lan Zhan hums, considering it. They do that sometimes. Take omegas down together.

occultings will i ever get tired of -wwx thinks she's straight and wants to practice being gay with sadsack lwj who is like sure im in love with u and this will cause me psychic damage but mayhaps that's the cost of being homiesexual--? no i dont get tired of the classics it's called taste

give me one good honest kiss - 25k E The text keeps flashing over and over in Lan Zhan's head like the bulb lights on a marquee. They’d been talking about homework directly before that, swapping notes on music theory in the baroque period. Then, like a fork of lightning out of a clear blue sky: wanna practice kissing? 😚 // Wei Ying suggests an arrangement. Lan Zhan, in love, deals.

saltyfeathers ok so like sure it's ill advised to get your cartilage pierced at claire's but if you wanted the experience of participating in deranged hysteric behavior that kinda bangs in a badgood way? well then.

the mall that has it all - 8k E She introduced herself in the food court, breathless after sprinting across it in Lan Zhan’s direction and vaulting over a table only to crash into the seat across from her, ask, “Can I have a sip?”, spring forward with both elbows on the table to wrap her burgundy lips around Lan Zhan’s smoothie straw, wrinkle her nose, and say, “What is that, kale? Not really my thing, as like, a mall goth. Oh!” A pleased, chaotic exhale. “My name’s Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said, after taking a moment to fully process the last forty-five seconds, “What?” or; mall goth au

[notnights]

I think abt Jax abstracting while Gangle doesn’t ( or Jax abstracting before her ) very often

Gangle is very conflicted bc like she should be somewhat happy/relived right? Jax treated her and everyone else awfully!

But she can’t help but feel awful about it. Especially because the last time she saw him before he abstracted Gangle could tell something was off as he was.. well not *nice* but he was less mean.

She tried to ask him if something was going on but he either snapped or brushed her off ( Gangle wonders if maybe if she pressed him harder he’d still be here )

There’s also the elephant in the room regarding his funeral. I can imagine there was a hefty debate on if Jax even *deserves* a funeral, in the end the funeral did happen but it was awkward and short.

This is a really great concept!

When you lose someone who's important to you but who has been awful to you is really conflicting. Even if we say Gangle hates Jax, Jax has been a constant in her life. He was there since she arrived. A part of her world is gone now even if that part was awful.

She would feel both relived and sad. And then feel guilt for feeling relived (because he was lost how could one think something like that when someone "died"), and/or feel guilt over being sad (because he was awful, why should she mourn him).

And then if we add the idea they are somewhat friends, Jax being the one that really communicates the most to her (from what we've seen so far), or even controls her, that's a big loss. She is free now, but with that comes the conflict of what does she do now? She's been following Jax's lead so long, what happens now? Feels a little lost without him. And if he was really one the only sources that really hang out and kept her company, god she'd just feel so lonely. That one constant again. Gone.

The emotional conflicts of losing an abusive loved one is very interesting to me. I always really liked that scene in Tangled when Mother Gothel falls to her death and Rapunzel actually reaches out for her. Because despite everything Gothel put her through and kept her from, she still raised her.

Anyways that tidbit is a bit of derail but just... always an interesting aspect in these kind of relationships that don't really get talked about. And it's perfectly fine to feel these ways too... understanding and knowing what they were doing to you was wrong, even never forgiven them for it. But still mourning their loss. It feels bad, conflicting, guilty but that's okay, emotions are funny like that.

Gangle dealing with that would be so interesting and sad. Worse if we add the idea she actually does care about him someway. Considers him a friend, or loves him, etc.

Worse if she knew Jax cared about her in someway too. Involving that "if she pressed, he'd still be here" idea. Jax always kept her as company, making her realize she was really the only one that could have noticed, could have helped. Even if it was just as his victim or lackey. Feels guilty that even if she's just the one that was always standing closest to him, she out of everyone should've noticed something, right? If she was something, anything, to Jax, she feels it was her responsibility to help. That eats her up even if being "something," to Jax wouldn't have changed anything.

Then at the end of this, Jax's funeral is depressing. Not for the same reasons as many others though. They don't hesitate to do it, they know they have to, Jax was still a person lost. But they didn't think that far into it, as no one really knows what to say about him. Ragatha steps up and tries to talk about him, has trouble with it. Lots of "he--- well!! Ah, Jax was..." that really ends with nothing said at all. Maybe Zooble says they'll miss him being a thorn at their side, as they can't find anything kinder to say.

Maybe Gangle decides to say something, if they were "friends," maybe she does have some interesting things to say. Maybe she just ends up standing up there and crying and sobbing in front of everybody because really what can she say? What can she do? Nobody liked him, not even she liked him, and yet she's here crying so hard she can't speak over him.

[cosmic-nopedog]

Could you possibly share more of your kirakira swap au... it is very inch resting to me!! (also- cute art :D)

THANK YOU, I AM GOING INSANE WITH NO ONE OTHER THAN MY BROTHER TO TALK ABT THIS OH MY GOOOOODDDDDDDD

ok ok so, its a very simple swap au as i've said and im gonna be shooo honest with youo, its ciel x ichika, i like the ship i think they are cute together SO ITS GOING TO HAPPEN, BUT ANYWAYS THIS IS GOING TO BE KINDA LONG

In this au, ichika is a fairy from strawberry mountain, and goes off to paris to learn about sweet making like ciel in the og, however unlike ciel, she goes alone and does learn from jean pierre and gets shot into the lime light, but the thing is that she kinda feels like somethings missing.

yeah she makes a lot of kiraru with her technique alone and her passion for sweets making but it feels a lil.. empty, she is a very lonely girl and at the beginning very clumsy [its still ichika cmon dsfjn vg] so she kinda also has this like BIG imposter syndrome thing going on, she masks it well enough for PR and what not but shes kinda worried that this all is just a big stroke of luck and some day shes going to inevitably fail.

I will say i do have kind of a storyline in mind so bear with me dfkjbnjkdf.

Anyways, she goes on her life in paris as Uzuki Ichika: Prodigy Patissiere [am still making the au so bear with me for there will be changes here n there] and nothing more, UNTIL, she runs into Usami Satomi [aka Ichika's mom in the og storyline] and they talk, and she learns that Satomi is a doctor and lives in strawberry mountain and all that stuff and shes in paris temporarily as part of her job, and i want them SOMEHOW i've yet to really think about all the details to develop a sorta soft ish guardian&kid relationship like, thats not ur kid but might as well be type thing.

ANYWAYS, after enough time [yet to be determined] i feel like ichika starts confiding in Satomi alot of the feelings she has going on and Satomi brings up the idea of taking a break and going back to like her home town, and Ichika does agree and all [BUT I WANT SOME REALISM HERE RIGHT not too much tho we still have fun,] but does bring up the fact that she probably wont have a place to stay if she does so [excuses cus she could very much so stay with the fairies] and CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG but a long time ago i did read something about how if you know like, a family in a country well enough they can like take u in for some time? like Adopt you so tospeak AGAIN I MIGHTVE HALLUCINATED THIS but if not yeah, THATS what happens.

So shes staying with the Usami's! yay! well just the dad cus Satomi does have to travel cus of her job n what not, and goes back to strawberry mountain to hopefully clear her head and maybe remember why she did all of this in the first place.

THATS THAT ON ICHIKA, which im going to be sho honest with you, shes the one i've like thought abt the most, mainly cus i like making the pink cures depressed kdsnbjkfdb BUT ALSO because shes in SUCH a situation and i find that inchresting.

I WILL ALSO SAY, im not swapping everyone, just ciel n ichika, mainly cus i find making ichika a fairy and ciel a cringe fail amateur patissiere very fun and inchresting BUT I DIGRESS.

NOW, AS FOR CIEL, shes a normal girl that has just moved into strawberry mountain, ysee, she is originally from strawberry mountain but moved out at some point in her life and decided to sort of move back in to take care of her grandmother who still recides in there, Rio also came along with her cus I LOVE MY SIBLING DYNAMICS OK.

SPEAKING OF, the way i see their dynamic is that they are very close and yes they stil have their shared interest in sweets and what not but ciel is more of a What happens if I double the amount of batter type interest and Rio is more of a Watches 3 bilion youtube videos on alot of recepies that he sometimes asks ciel if they can try out. Which ofcousre has a very diverse rate of success kdjfhbjbk.

They have the Passion and all the Feelings into it but Not alot of technical skill, I do think they meet Pekorin the same way Ichika met Pekorin in the og story, AND I DO WANT TO MAKE RIO A CURE, HE WILL BE A CURE I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

OH speaking of, i did kinda change Ichikas and Ciel's cure names, Ichika is now Cure Meringue and Ciel is now Cure Velvet.

AND THATS PRETTY MUCH WHAT I HAVE LIEK SOLIDIFIED AS OF RN!!!

I do have some liek spare thoughts here and there like, Ichika and Pekorin Have a sybling dynamic slash are actual sisters and at somepoint i want ichika to get stained in shadow maybe same with Rio but i have yet to figure out a cohesive storyline for that, BUT I WILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTT!!!

Also do NOT spoil me shit, I have NOT finished Kirakira Precure as of rn, IM CLOSE BUT NOT THERE YET.

LAST THING: i will call this AU very simply Strawberry Meringue Au

That is all.

[fuglyjeans]

Ok the first time I watched bojack horseman season 6, it sent me in a pretty bad depression spiral. But I just watched it again for the first time in almost 4 years, and it actually fills me with peace. I think I thought the show was saying no one can change, really; bojack will always be just some shitty selfish horse. He can try to do better, but he can't change the lives he's ruined, or outrun the consequences, and he'll always slip up. That made me so sad.

But now i see it more like... yeah hollyhock cut off contact, bojack goes to prison, Diane implies they'll never speak again, Princess Carolyn implies she won't work with Bojack again in the future etc. But at the same time all of these characters still express love to bojack and thankfulness that he was in their life. Even Todd is really kind to bojack in the final episode, despite having every reason to ignore him forever. They draw boundaries as they should. But there's still compassion.

Even though bojack has arguably lost absolutely everything, he's still able to find a little joy in prison putting on a play. And those people will still probably say hi to him from time to time... and after he gets out of prison, who knows, maybe he'll make more progress and find new people, start better relationships. He was already on the up and up... he relapsed, but honestly that happens. Before his relapse he'd been sober for like a year which is pretty amazing.

bojack is messy and his progress is slow. He's deeply flawed and no one is obligated to stay in his life, no one has to respect him after all the shitty things he's done. But what brings him true peace is being honest with himself about that... no memoir or dream role or Oscar win or long-lost sister or university can replace the peace of just being real. Taking accountability. I think by the end bojack is at least starting to realize that and commit it to memory.

I also think it's tempting to feel like post-rehab bojack is all better, he's a new bojack, it's unfair that the reporters and interviewers come after him to ruin his life after he'd just fixed it. He's not the same as Vance Waggoner!! But that's the thing.. even though it's hard, even though it feels unfair, bojack still has the choice to do better. He didn't have to do the 2nd interview. He didn't have to teach at hollyhock's school without asking her if that would be weird. He didn't have to do Horny Unicorn, he didn't have to go back into that party after reading hollyhock's letter. He didn't have to go on one last bender, break into his old house, call Diane and nearly kill himself. It's understandable that he did. It's painful and horrible. But every single time, he could have chosen to walk away, ask for help--maybe not from Diane or PC or Todd, but surely Mr Peanutbutter or he could have just checked into the ER for monitoring. And that would feel sad and humiliating and lonely but he would survive and come out knowing he didnt ruin things this time, even if he felt alone. Its ok to be alone. But he didnt do that... so even though i understand why "new bojack" fucks up again.... it WAS all still his own choice.

I could talk abt this show forever lol God

[thanatos1dahilias]

YOU 🫵🏼🫵🏼 SHARE UR OCS I WANNA KNOW ABT THEM

I. I HAVE A FEELING I KNOW WHO THIS IS... BUT ANYWAYS YES IM GOING TO AGRESSIVLY TALK ABOUT AARON STERFON NOW SO THANK YOU 🥳🥳 Aaron Sterfon (steps 1 and 2 because im still working on some ideas for his step 3 design)

STEP 1 - He's really nervous and awkward but people still think he's cool - Aaron doesn't have the best relationship with his mom and never really has, but at the end of the day he still loves her - His mental health decline starts when him and Opal move to Golden Grove because it means he loses all the friends he had and whatever elementary schooler life he had built - He's originally from Arizona because I thought that'd be fun (he hates the cold but also loves it) - He's trans, but doesn't really know the term at all. He just tells people "oh im a guy" and they're like "oh cool I believe you" and it makes him happy. His mom just followed along and called him her son because she kind of realizes what's happening - Big fat crush on Qiu, literally said "oh my god you're stunning" and that was that STEP 2 - He's louder and more talkative, kind of rowdy and rude to people without meaning to be - Him and Opal rarely talk anymore, he doesn't even think she knows he's trans (she does and has since he was 10- more so assumed but shh) - He wears fake piercings because he doesn't really want real ones till he's older (fake septum and lip ring) - Mental health who? Yeah he. He's got really bad depression and no one besides his mom and Qiu really know much about it. It's terrible and I plan to torture him with sad fanfics - His fashion? It's actually great now, people constantly want to snatch his outfits and i think that's fun. We just. We just ignore the fact that he looks like Nico Di Angelo from PJO okay? - Because my favorite show is Supernatural I'm making his favorite show Supernatural because that's still timeline accurate and. Yeah. - His music taste here is more so alternative rock with some guilty pleasure pop. His ipod shuffle would be messy as HELL. - And finally, he's still got the biggest crush on Qiu and it's mutual (obviously to everyone else, not them. They flirt and go "oh shit bro dont like me" because they're stupid I HAVE OTHER OCS I MIGHT RANT ABOUT IN THE FUTURE BUT. LITTLE MR STERFON HAS BEEN ROTTING MY BRAIN SO THANK YOU FOR ASKING !!!!!!!!!

[kyriaejiraiblog]

so quick disclaimer this isnt jirai stuff but it is talking about sh and its somebting that kind of pissed me off but i don’t wanna put it in my main

so for context it was some skk video and the person said essentially “if you’re going to ship do it correctly, you’re mischaracterizing dazai“ (and mori but who tf cares)

so here’s my reply to the comment, and honestly the way they responded made me upset—because while they made a comment explaining their thoughts and i was fine agreeing to disagree, they felt they needed to add onto their own opinion? but honestly i feel like they are in a way mischaracterizing dazai more than in the original post (which i can grab the link for anyone who finds this and decides they want to see it to make their own opinion)

“i can guarantee he doesn’t even cut discreetly.” problem i have with this statement is we literally have no idea what the bandages are for, however we know that dazai had easy access to various blades, primarily scalpels because of mori. the way that particular mental illness affects your brain makes the prospect of drawing blood very appealing. considering he had bandages before the pm, and how this person even admits sh was possible before dazai joined, i find it highly likely that he would continue such an act. sh is by no means easy to escape, and dazai was not in a supportive environment in the pm.

second, his words to atsushi—those kinds of words sound like something born from experience. that is something dazai has, and still suffers from in a sense. it’s like oda said, dazai will always be living with darkness and has to learn how to manage that emptiness. and plus, from my own interpretation, dazai sees a version of himself within atsushi, and wants to prevent atsushi from becoming him.

one thing i do agree is he doesn’t care about mori’a approval, never will. but dazai lives in such a perpetual state of self-loathing that it’s weird to say that dazai wouldn’t even think about sh. while my initial reply was about punishment through this means, i just didn’t have enough to elaborate my actual thoughts on what dazai’s motivations would be for this kind of self mutilation.

there’s a point where sh stops being punishment, if it even was to begin with. dazai feels apathy toward much of the world around him, particularly during his time in the pm. apathy like this creates a void, an emptiness that never truly goes away. cutting gives a chance to feel something, anything. feeling nothing is more painful than a blade running down skin.

and now i’m going to start being extremely personal. i don’t like pain. dazai states he doesn’t like pain. i cut every single day. that last paragraph is essentially my own experience with self harm. in my case. it does start out as sparingly used punishment. then it becomes addicting, and the only thing to pull me out of the emptiness and complete apathetic state where i have nothing but my own thoughts. this kind of thought process isn’t uncommon among people who sh. it almost feels like cutting is just simply a thing that happens.

and then about dazai looking down on people who sh—fuck off with that. while sh and suicide aren’t always correlated, they’re often connected. at best, dazai is completely indifferent to people with scars. otherwise, he’s one of them. dazai’s entire personality seems i consistent in many ways, and while i do agree that he probably has major depression, i wouldn’t say it’s too far fetched to say he might have bpd or bipolar. in fact, id even argue that he has both depression and bpd according to many of the symptoms displayed in dazai’s character (which if that’s the case, gj asagiri bc bpd is so heavily associated with women that people forget men can have it too)

which rambling more abt the bpd thing ppl with bpd are often queens of “it’s a slippery slope” and it’s already shown that dazai does drink more than a bit. which is one thing people with bpd are prone to, they so easily can get addicted to these kinds of things and they just can’t help it. another reason i argue it’s likely dazai would sh.

once again, referring to the second screenshot, people who hate pain aren’t excluded from self harming. i am one of those people, myself. i wouldn’t doubt dazai would attempt to cut his arteries as a suicide attempt as well, something i somewhat tried, but i still argue that dazai has likely self harmed. anyway i hope this was fun to read im done rambling lmao

[watermelinoe]

don't say that i want to read your isekai opinions

i feel like i am being buttered up here but i will allow it bc i do love talking abt isekai hehe ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

so for context what made me think more abt isekai as a genre was finishing the main story chapters of saving my sweetheart, which i think is really strong for the first two thirds and then loses it in the last third for reasons i will explain shortly

and i've had this issue w other isekai/regression manhwa (i pr much lump these together under the isekai umbrella even though it is not technically the same thing) where things are just too easy, one that comes to mind off the top of my head is i shall master this family, which has great art and i like that it's less focused on romance but i ended up getting bored bc the protagonist just. never loses. she can always use her past life experience to perfectly predict what will happen and completely curbstomp whoever her opponent is.

"but isn't that the appeal of an isekai??" you may ask and you would be INCORRECT, yes the wish fulfillment element of isekai is about getting a do-over, but more than that my favorite thing abt the genre is how it plays with expectations and the idea of fate/any kind of higher power that decides how things are "supposed" to be. and oftentimes this force is an active character and antagonist. i've seen several manhwa now where the characters essentially have to beat "god" in order to get their happy ending. there are no predestined endings and true love is the love you make with the person you choose, not someone who is chosen for you. soulmates are made, not created. these are all themes that are extremely important to me and why i think isekai as a genre works so well. i'm someone who LOVES tropes - as tv tropes always says, Tropes Aren't Bad. isekai plays with tropes like i used to play with my dinosaur toys. it's supposed to be self-aware, it's supposed to subvert expectations, it's supposed to be fun and genre savvy and meta. it's really a treat for people who care a lot about the mechanics of storytelling.

the working isekai formula relies on establishing the wish being fulfilled - why is this person being reincarnated? and the answer to that question generally determines how the story first plays out, which is typically one of two ways, where the female lead either has to claw her way up through obstacle after obstacle, or the female lead is immediately welcomed and loved in her new life (but often there is still some underlying conflict that keeps her from being at ease and embracing Happily Ever After, such as her knowledge of what's "destined" to happen in the future). the latter is more of a hurt/comfort trope usually following a depressing first life. in either case, at the beginning the female lead can rely on her insider knowledge to score some wins early on, but the essential key is that there comes a point where her past knowledge means nothing anymore because the story has changed too much. and usually there will be an additional twist as well. this is to keep things from being too easy for the female lead, because even in a revenge story, it's not actually satisfying to watch someone win over and over with no meaningful conflicts. the archvillain's daughter-in-law also has a female lead who seemingly never misses, but the difference is that she thinks her father-in-law is planning to kill her so his son can remarry the royal princess (divorce is illegal), and honestly at this point in the story without spoiling anything that still seems like a reasonable fear. so the story isn't boring because you have this conflict of interests, she's attached to her new family but also knows she needs to be dead for her father-in-law to accomplish his overall goal. i shall master this family doesn't seem to have that extra layer, everything just goes her way.

saving my sweetheart does a great job with challenging the female lead for the first ~90 or so chapters and then in the last third, i swear literally every single obstacle is squashed before you can even start to worry about it. including the main looming death flag introduced at the very beginning of the story. it just no longer matters at a certain point. and obviously as readers we know that these types of stories will work out in the end, but for some reason this story decided that the characters should know that, too. in the third act. they literally solve things by showing multiple characters the future. sorry but if the main characters already know it's going to be okay... why am i here exactly lol it was like the story said yeah yeah you know what it's gonna be like huh??? what a baffling choice

and it's dangerously easy for stories that use gods as major players to eliminate any real challenge for the main characters because they literally have the power of god and anime on their side. there has to be some excuse why whatever divine power can't just stomp the bad guys with a giant foot monty python style. it's also just.... less satisfying for a story to have the Ultimate Objective Good on the side of the main characters. Good is often Boring. i liked how flirting with the villain's dad portrayed its god as more human and flawed, like a greek god.

what really left a bad taste in my mouth by the end of saving my sweetheart was that fate was never against them in the first place, it was the villain who upset the balance, and the two Good gods just give the main characters the answers because fuck it, you all know how it's gonna turn out anyway, who are we kidding. there's an especially laughable moment at the end and this will be a spoiler, but when a major character has to go to the land of the dead at the end to persuade another character to come back to life, this character worries bc in the happy future he originally saw, he wasn't in it. and for a split second you think there's going to be a nice message because the major character says smth like "i can't guarantee the future but i know we would be less happy without you in it" BUT THEN the goddess literally just fucking SHOWS the dead guy the future with him in it to prove it will all be fine and i am still not over it because WHAT WAS THE POINT THEN, what was the point of any of it, no one had to be uncertain for a single fuckin second because yknow power of god and anime

and i feel like an insane person bc everyone else was just like "this felt kinda rushed" but i had this whole rant built up inside me lmao i am aware i'm too into this genre but i think there's interesting parallels you can make here to like, christian media and why it's boring...

[thehighpriestess1]

Y can't I stop thinking abt SDF!!!!!May be I need some type of closure for an AU in my head where YN is not met with an accident, gojo was still mean to her in party and toji was around to get hold of YN and she is safe and sound! I so want to know did Gojo ever came across the truth here? He never even tried to know abt what YN was going through in those years when he was not around. He was mean to her, berated her everytime. What happened to mei if he knew the truth?

okay, let me see if I can help you..

Here's what happened the night of the accident : Gojo was mean to y/n at the party. He realized that Gojo would never listen to her and never fully trust her. So she leaves the party, angry and upset. Toji, understood the situation and decides that he should go on to save y/n first and then deal with Gojo. So he follows y/n's car out of the party and saves her from the accident. The accident never happens. But Toji gets hold of Sukuna and uncovers the whole hit-job. He asks the reader to come with him to Gojo and to tell him everything but at this point the reader is convinced that Gojo would not listen to her. Even with proof he would not listen to her. So she begs Toji to keep all of this hidden from Gojo and to never mention any of this again. Because y/n has been kind to Toji, Toji understands her situation and agrees to keep the whole thing a secret. Back at the party, Gojo is still upset and angry and refusing to listen to anyone. Geto realises that Gojo needs some time so he gives him that.

Now the reader is in Kyoto with Nanami and she finds out that she is pregnant. She tells everything to Nanami and Nanami insists that she stay at home and let him take care of her. The reader agrees and stays some to take care of the unborn child and Kiro. From the outside it looks like they are a family of three..almost four. Reader and Nanami gets close and she wonders if she should finally move on with him. She decides to finally move on with Nanami and they get married before Alice is born.

Back in Tokyo, Mei crosses Toji and in a fit of rage Toji exposes her truth to Gojo. Now Gojo sees red. He tortures Mei's entire fmaily in front of her before proceeding to do the same to her. He finds out that y/n is in Kyoto and he immediately leaves for Kyoto. But it's too late. Y/n is 8 months pregnant and is married to Nanami. He stalks her and begs her to come back with him but she has had enough. She is satisfied with this new life and cannot leave Kento now. Gojo is depressed and angry and he doesn't know what to do anymore. He even considers killing Nanami to get y/n to stay with him but he knew if he does that then y/n would never forgive him. Y/n pities Gojo and gets into a legal agreement with him where they decide to co-parent Alice. Gojo has no option but to agree. So co-parent Alice and Gojo never gets married. When they get old and if Nanami is the one to die first then Gojo would propose to y/n when they are 65 and she says yes. They get married with Alice and Kiro by their side and Gojo finally gets the girl.

If the reader does not marry Nanami then the story would be like August. I hope this helped you anon. I don't know if this is better or worse than than the original version but I would prefer the original version because I can't see Gojo suffering. It was fun to write for sdf again hehe.

[emleeeeeeeeee]

chaps 500-501 sorry im late guys

okay so first thing even though it might be obvious i feel like vin and taejin have had such a parallel life if that makes sense? like obviously taejin was bought up with everything and anything that he wanted (and taught that everything was his) and we did see at the start that he was decently kind(?) to vin as a child, but only bc he viewed vin as his property. we do see this like attitude start changing as he grows up tho, where he doesnt see the need to treat his 'property' aka other ppl well anymore (rip sujin) and really just takes what he wants from them. he also really just wants everything to be his at this point, as seen when he's like excited at his father's death bc it means that he has more power. so vin has obviously had like a very traumatic childhood, but somehow vin and taejins lives still seem very in parallel

especially in that scene bc its like showing their attachment(idk how else to describe it) to cheonliang, but for starkly different reasons. wait more like how they're both fighting for cheonliang, but while vin(and the other ppl sry idk what theyre called) are fighting purely for the memory of sujin and seongji(rip), taejin is fighting so that he can claim it as his AS SEEN WHEN THE LITTLE BITCH SHOWS UP WHEN THEYRE DECIDING THE LEADER.

OMG THE DISRESPECT I CANT. I WANT TO PUT HIM INTO A FUCKING MEAT GRINDER. (writing this i have to keep reminding myself that the way he acts is a result of his upbringing BUT STILL DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS RIUGSDFHJKNXMCSDFJKX)

YES VIN I SUPPORT YOU PULL THAT BITCH APART

okay ive literally never hated goo more than in this moment. like yes i knew he was a fucking psychopath that didnt care abt anyone other than himself but ykkkkkkk i was hoping it wouldnt apply to characters that i cared abt??(this is how im going to get into a toxic relationship and end up on a true crime podcast)

behold the queen herself mary kim. also possibly the best female character ptj has written imo (maybe zoe as well)

OMG THE TANGHULU BOUQUET ISTG ONE OF THESE DAYS I WILL MAKE TANGHULU THEN MAKE A BOUQUET AND GIVE SEONGJI A FUNERAL (help i think im getting too obsessed i have work to do and im here doing this)

OUR FRESHLY GLOWED UP MC IS BACKKKK. i honestly cant tell if its his new or old body at this point someone pls tell me its not just me

thats a bit interesting. i still think that goo is going to be the one to die (but im not as attached to him anymore cuz otherwise taejin would be dead IF NOT FOR HIM) but gun definitely looks kinda depressed in this frame after the whole yk chaps 479-480 soooo idk whats gonna happen. even tho chap 502 is out im just gonna finish my work first and get back to you guys. but cheonliang arc finally ended!!!! and now we hopefully get to see jake kims brother who is like fiiinnneeeee (and a cannibal but whatever im colourblind i dont see red flags)lmao i love how this post just started with like an essay opening and dissolved into shitposting. anyways love you guys prob gonna post again sooooonnnn <33333

[whalesforhands]

i want to say so many things abt stsg & mc in dyf au so bad omg. i feel like their characters aren’t getting across and i don’t feel like talking in fic writing language i just want to vomit everything out

and also bcs nobody talks to me in asks :(

dyf IS an alternative universe where gojo and geto get together late first year/early second year if you haven’t already noticed.

i headcanon it would be around christmas when it’s so called ‘official’

it’s just?? kind of decided unanimously one day that they get together since they get each other so well? unsaid lovers kinda thing

dyf!mc actually assumed they were already dating during the start of the first year. its definitely love at first sight when they butt heads as often as they do right? she swears that ppl with that type of relationship either end up in a grave or in bed together

i’ve said this before but stsg’s relationship is something i view as far more than friendship or just a romance. there is this… unsaid understanding between them despite their differences. i imagine them as mirror images of the other, two halves of a whole, soulmates ykwim

everyone thinks gojo is the horny one, but it’s geto x190%

when do all 3 get together? officially, not yet. third year aus are typically them teetering ON romantic relationship, but definitely holds no water yet. but there is an increase in skinship that dyf mc had settled comfortably into and thinks it’s perfectly normal.

i mean, she does that with shoko right?? what’s the diff if she does it with these 2 that she loves just as much (and may or may not have a crush on)

anyway, back to dyf mc

i don’t know if it’s super obvious to everyone yet, but dyf mc definitely has some degree of social anxiety and depression, explaining the way she pulls back and gets lost in her thoughts instead to feel safe

she understands what she feels, but it’s very very overwhelming u get?

mc is also shown to be sensitive to cursed energy if u also didn’t notice loll,,,, to the point she can pinpoint the 3. or is it just because she has trained herself to feel for their specific auras hmmm??

anyway. since stsg are ‘dating’, she does try very hard to suppress anything romantic she tends to feel, and WILL convince herself that lITERALLY anything they try on her is STRICTLY PLATONIC bcs she just can’t believe these 2 will ever like her in THAT manner yk

and shoko? shoko is single. shoko is pretty. shoko is flirting with her. but since stsg treat her LIKE THAT, she thinks this is what happens when you’re getting close to others right?

she likes it a lot. she hopes they continue to stay close to her. (LMAO DENSE ASF)

tbh i didn’t intend for shoko to be so involved with mc. i wrote it that way bcs i had an equally huge crush on her and it just integrated itself naturally into my writing LOL

also, the smut threesome fics were all practice fics lolllll. i’ve never written threesomes in my life and they were my first cracks at it

something special for getting all the way here bcs im just rambling haha. i’m trying to get ppl to interact with me i’m so sad and lonely writing all by myself

in the bully! satosugu au

gojo and mc were actually childhood friends! imagine that. growing up in the neighbourhood with that spoilt, but kind little white-haired brat but him moving away soon after

only to see him again when you’re way, way older!and that other black-haired guy that he seems to be super close with. you’re gonna be friends again, right?

and he’s never been so excited to see you! he’s so much taller now and his arms are so strong, so different from the weak chubby flab of the child him that you thought was adorable, so you’d always ask your mom for extra snacks to eat together!

but now he’s literally picking you up, your feet barely touching the ground as he holds you so so so tightly, as if afraid you’d disappear

it’s nice catching up with him, sitting with him and a close friend of his, geto suguru at lunch, following them to the convenience store after school to get a quick snack

only for him to ignore you the next week when you bound up to him smiling, greeting him with excited cheer. he quirks a brow at you, shoving you out of the way before walking away…

what… did you do wrong? what’s wrong with him?

[edelbleu]

you know, even tho some people seem to think that reo's actions were selfish, i kind of get him tho... i'm not justifying him lashing out to nagi, but i do recognize that he did it 'cause he was hurt, and it's completely fine to feel like that. no one wants to be left behind by someone we hold so dearly, it's not selfish (even tho we all know nagi's intention wasn't to hurt him, he just wanted what was best for both). i think their main problem is their miscommunication, nagi failing to express to reo his true intentions and thus hurting him, and reo not being able to see past his insecurities and pain.

their relationship is a really interesting one. sorry for the rant! just wanted to add my two cents abt them ♡ really love your blog!

You're so right, anon!

I totally agree with the notion that Reo isn't the one in the wrong for their fight - neither is Nagi. It's a failure on both their parts to properly communicate and express their true feelings.

I don't think Reo's reaction is disproportionate at all - let's face it, when I first watched (yes, I'm an anime first) the scene where Nagi joins Isagi's team, I gasped out loud, because I knew something huge had just happened, and I knew Reo wouldn't be happy about it. I think that was the intended reaction for that moment; it comes as a shock for the audience, so it must've been even worse for Reo!

At the moment Reo doesn't even lash out, he shuts down and tells Nagi "to do whatever he wants", which I actually think is a much more mature answer rather than start losing it in front of them. We now know thanks to Episode Nagi that he cries after that, and well - he just lost (or he believes he's lost) the person he's been building his future dream around for the last 6 months... of course he's upset!

And really, if we hadn't gotten to see Nagi's pov of that moment.... we wouldn't have known he was doing it for their sake, either. Sure, in the main manga you get the idea in later episodes that he doesn't hold any kind of grudge against Reo and that he actually looks forward to seeing him again, but... from a third person pov, it looks like a solo move, with the goal of "I want to get stronger", not "I want to get stronger so that we can reach our dream."

And the first option would've been totally fine too, but man, cut Reo some slack. He deserves to be a bit upset. Later things get worse before they get better, and I believe that's due to Reo having too much time to wallow in self-pity and listen to his insecurities.

Reo's denial -> depression -> anger -> acceptance emotional pipeline is really well-written IMO.

In the end, I think their behavior is... human, and very realistic at that. I was genuinely impressed to see such a complex dynamic between two characters in a shounen about football of all things, and honestly, that's what got me hooked.

TL;DR: Reo isn't selfish, he's insecure, and Nagi didn't help him realize he wasn't just moving on without him.

[yuukei-yikes]

i was thinking abt how ayano and shintaro r the only two characters who ever die by suicide (shintaro is only in some routes but STILL.) and like how that's a way of showing that they had the potential to understand each other (bc in my opinion they r actually very similar) but not until either of them were dead. idk does this make sense? i just thought of this today so this thought isnt very refined yet i need to think abt it more

they ARE similar!!!!! i totally agree. shintaro and ayano are totally similar people. they're both Justice Seekers but are so depressed and have such horrible self worth they can't actually be proactive about things. but then they are :3

i wish we got ayano pov from hs and why she liked shintaro. I've always thought ayano's crush on him is...cute!!! because she's literally going thru the horrors, her mom died, her dad is being Strange, and she has to take care of the house and her siblings all alone PLUS later learning of all the horrible stuff about the daze and clearing. and yet. she's also a normal hs girl who has a silly crush on her classmate. not that we ever saw it but i definitely think ayano got to see at least once the shintaro we see who fights for good and doesn't let fear get to him like when he yells at the fucking terrorists or acts all cool when they face clearing in the novels. i think ayano got to see shintaro being Heroic or whatever and she was like THIS is the kind of guy we need to be recruiting in the mekakushi dan🔥🔥🔥 like seriously im delusional abt this but i think there should be a shinaya backstory abt this.

man i wish we saw more hs shinaya😭😭😭😭😭 im so mad that they only ever show shintaro being a fucking asshole lord in hs like im not rooting for you bitch FAST FORWARD NOW but the fact ayano knows shintaro likes music and shoujo manga etcetc its clear ayano and shintaro had normal ass conversations all the time. SHOW THEM TO MEEEEEE whatever. i dont even care <- cares

anyways i just wanted to say i think ayano does Kind of understand shintaro. i also wish we saw ayano think of shintaro in the entire conjecture with clearing eyes killing haruka and takane and her sacrificing herself for them and the mekatrio. Go listen to full disclosure from steven universe and you will understand my ayano vision for this. sorry that was weird. i think ayano wanted to keep shintaro as uninvolved as possible, haruka and takane were inevitably already in it. she just wanted to make sure to take them Out of it but shintaro.. i think ayano always had the feeling shintaro would get involved. i think ayano gravitates towards shintaro because she needed help and she needed a hero and deep down she knew this was him. but she never manages to properly reach out or even understand it i guess. but i think ayano did understand shintaro maybe even more he understood himself. on the other hand shintaro DID NOT understand ayano AT ALL but like you said, he could have. who knows how things had gone if shintaro had walked in when he saw ayano crying in the classroom!!! imagine ayano managing to pour her heart out and tell him what's gonna happen to their friends and her family. he would've helped. shintaro would've done something. but ayano wouldn't want him to bc he would get hurt but at the same time she WOULD want him to because she's so scared and alone and desperate for help *holds head *

also i always make myself insane abt shintaro and ayano being depressed legends who wanna die. while haruka and takane struggle with health problems and want to Live So Badly. sorry for bringing up harutaka Hi its me tumblr user yuukei yikes vinnie i will ALWAYS make it about harutaka. i just wanted to say that. shinaya who wanna die and tragedy arises from never meeting in the middle and not being able to understand each other vs harutaka who wanna live more than anything and tragedy arises from being forcibly separated.

ayano's words to takane when she's projecting so hard. there are times you want to tell someone something but you wind up being too late. ayano was never gonna say anything to shintaro because she didnt Want to. she knew what she was going to the roof for. while takane immediately makes a run for it to say something to haruka, she is just too late and has no control over her fate. whatever im normal!