#kinda felt bad for Ana; she worked hard | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jeweled-blue-eyes · 3 years ago

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i like to hc (or i think it’s canon. like it was heavily implied) that athy has a mental illness..? depression i think. ( pls let me have this ok! i know it’s so cliche but i also have mdd and her character just hits me esp her reincarnation as a person in our world and she... died 😭😭😭) also i like how functional she is? like yes she has dark thoughts a lot, but she has a good facade. she is strong (i mean she’s lived under poverty, no parents AND most likely worked at customer service) works hard, and smiles and keeps doing all of it, she doesn’t want to die bc of claude. do we know if she overdosed on purpose? was it an accident? we can’t know exactly. *LONG (AND I MEAN LONG) rant ahead i tried to make it make sense and this is just my own experience i’m sure other people will see it differently. you don’t have to read this, so please skip it if you don’t want to read this! and if you did and if you��d like, tell me what you think x*

what we do know is that she opened her eyes and she’s suddenly... a pitiful princess. and you know what? she’s not having any of this. she doesn’t want to have yet another shitty life. and yes she’s tired and she keeps wondering if what she’s doing is right. if she’s making the right decisions. when it gets REALLY hard she thinks “i thought i’d finally be happy”. she’s felt so lonely, and scared, finding a real friend like jennette, i think her fear of possible death if jennette were to be noticed by claude is surpassed by her wanting an actual connection with someone. to be loved. and who better than her sister? 🥺🥺 LISTEN IM A FIRM BELIEVER WMMAP SHOULDNT HAVE ROMANCE AS A MAIN THEME (especially in the novel where everything is more fucked up, here it’s more family centered) idk why they were shoving a lucas romance so fast when my girl athy is having a breakdown. for me, she just needed a friend. i think she had finally found a healthy connection to someone. jennette is her sister. and! she loves athy unconditionally. she’s never scared of her because she knows jennette would never want to hurt her. in fact, jennette would almost die for her like twice. (talking manhwa) i wish we could have focused more on the sibling bond in this story because it does athanasia so good. and i think, it’s a parallel with ana and claude’s relationship. athanasia and jennette, they choose to love each other and i think that’s so sweet. peak writing there spoon 💓🤧

also it’s like. a really good depiction of mental illness too (even if it was maybe? unintentional bc we only see the dark thoughts a few times, when claudes in a coma, especially but that works great because it often just. lingers and that’s why ppl don’t get treated until it’s serious and more dangerous.) she’s high functioning. i can see a lot of typical behavior? for some of us it impairs us, won’t let you even get out of bed or take care of yourself. losing interest in things you liked before is common etc but for others! work and study and it’s SO hard and there’s bad thoughts and all you can do is. eat something because food doesn’t really fail ever. smile! distract yourself by doing daily tasks, etc ☠️ i hope this isn’t too tmi i don’t wanna overshare. maybe someone will relate lmao. ANYWAYS the amnesia arc, this is my favorite lucas, sort of. like you know how i’ve said before that i have a love-hate relationship with this dude. this is kinda why, i wanna elaborate 😭. because im so angry at him right now

ok so yes lucas is not great! and his relationship with athanasia is... uhh! kinda unhealthy 🥴 like i feel like athanasia clings to him because he’s literally the only person who is there, but not under normal circumstances it’s not really an effort on his part because he’s super powerful and he’s not in actual danger. so he can’t really relate to the magnitude of these events like a normal person would. he thinks blowing things up is gonna solve their problems (that’s not problem solving lucas) when something traumatic happens lucas is put there so we associate security to him. you also said that he’s been a victim of abuse. so i can understand why things are happening like this (i’m not happy about it though they could have written something better😔) it’s sort of like clinging to people who show you the bare minimum of what is kindness because well. you’re scared of loneliness perhaps. or, you aren’t used to others being kind to you, and it feels nice. this can make some mentally ill people easy to manipulate, AND it can make others too clingy or controlling. i see it something like that. maybe in my case i like him bc of this? ☠️ i’m speaking from experience here

maybe athy has associated security with lucas. sense of security and the few instances where he’s kind, bc he’s bitch shaped, in the middle of all of the uncertainty. it’s not the best support someone could be giving and he’s definitely not a good person, but no one (jennette should but also we know they’re pushing for lucas/athanasia interactions so they just won’t let her be there with athy ugh 😩) else is there when athanasia is having these traumatic experiences (again probably doing this on purpose and it DOES sound manipulative doesn’t it? not lucas, the writing). i was actually expecting character development for lucas bc of the amnesia arc.

i finally saw him caught off guard for once, because athanasia is actively having “dark thoughts” (i’m calling them that but i really mean suicidal this is where i get the idea she did kill herself), and he didn’t want to show her the world tree branch because he’s scared she will die, that she will “leave him”. he cares for her but it’s a little more on the unhealthy side bc they’re both mentally ill. moving on. he also shows her the tree branch because hes scared she is feeling hopeless (very depressed). sure it hurts but if it means she stays alive, he will try to aid her if it makes her feel better. when he sees her like this, he relents and shows her it. the tree tells her of this method to cure her dad, and he gets angry because it will put her in danger and it’s uncertain that it will actually work. see, this is where i actually liked lucas. helping claude isn’t possible for him. in contrast to how he talks about aeternitas being weak, and being out of touch because well he’s THE wizard. this is one of the few things that he cannot do, so he is sort of in the same place as athy right now. a feeling of helplessness? he can’t do anything, as powerful as he is, to cure her father. and you know? it’s nice. i wish he had stayed like this.

if they hadn’t made him so powerful i would have actually preferred him more as a love interest. it’s really difficult to connect to him because he is almost invincible most of the time, except for in the amnesia arc. before and after this time period, he is more cocky and so sure of himself, it’s like he can’t bring himself to feel empathy for others. so when i saw him be sensitive and unsure i wanted him to keep going on this path of becoming a better person, a better friend for athy, and realizing that he’s not all powerful. just because someone is mentally ill doesn’t excuse being a jerk, and two mentally ill people being in a relationship doesn’t mean that the relationship has to be toxic! but there’s steps in order for it to work and so they don’t sink together... athy and him could have actually helped each other (i’m not saying fix each other here, that’s not how it works) if he could just open up and be vulnerable, ack if they didn’t try to paint him as the usual love interest all the time. same as her! i want her to talk about her trauma and her problems to someone so bad, lucas knows she reincarnated, but they don’t talk about it. unfortunately the narrative is pushing the typical shoujo josei approach which has toxic gender roles and its so boring 😔😔 the incredibly strong and possessive ml and a weaker fl who needs help. right now i dislike lucas a lot, aack like really... he’s gone back to being inconsiderate and a bitch. hate it here

the only other person i know of that helped athy was my boy kiel, but! this child did have a lot to risk, in contrast. by running after athy he’s going against not only his own family but against claude which means sort of... certain death for him. he’s ACTUALLY contributing to this relationship by sacrificing things, putting effort in order to help her. hell, falling in love with her was probably one of his first choices. something that is “him”. it’s struggling if you’re a normal human person. again, we could have kiel and jennette to balance out the lucas and claude interactions but they are REALLY pushing for a lucas thing here bc he’s the novel’s love interest so they will reduce kiel to a second thought when i really think, even if he isn’t an all powerful wizard, that he could offer better support to athanasia and relate more to her than, well, most characters would, and in a healthy way. he would be more sensitive and would comfort her, not saying that they could simply solve it by destroying things but actually telling her, that yes, she’s right, that’s a very difficult situation and she shouldn’t have to go through that. he would not be able to fully understand but he’d try to help her in any way possible. because he was always on her side. it’s honestly great. there’s probably symbolism in there but i’m too stupid to notice. something about changing your fate. there’s certainly parallels between athy and kiel because they’re both changing the future. making choices for THEM. choosing to follow happiness. 🧍something like that someone will probably say it better than i ever will. 👉👈

and last, but not least, i wanted to talk about claude. it’s a similar situation with claude and lucas. he’s the only father athanasia ever had (unfortunately) and any fatherly love athy ever received is from him even if this dude REALLY needs to stop projecting and being violent and distant there’s so many things wrong with claude and he’s so complex. i enjoy his character but he’s a horrible father. at least he’s trying now unlike a certain black cat with red eyes instead of green ones. athanasia actually confronts him... anyways. mental illnesses are often hereditary (i’m not opening MY can of worms though but it runs in the family) we see how VERY unhealthy family dynamics have traumatized the obelian royal family for generations (aka intergenerational trauma babeyyy 🗣😩☠️) and it finally culminates in ana being possessed by aety, in claude becoming a tyrant, in him executing athanasia, and jennette unintentionally making him worse. aeternitas takes over the throne and well. it’s kinda the end of the empire lol.

we can see how this environment affects athanasia, in the first timeline especially, it is a reflection of her life the second time around, and the third time again. sure, she didn’t exactly inherit claude’s alcoholism (i’d recommend she doesn’t risk it though. stay away from alcohol) or violent behavior, BUT she is definitely suffering from a mental illness (like most obelian royalty) and she has also adopted the tendency of drowning herself in work just like he does. and she’s a little desensitized to the violence. it’s a bit of a softer blow because she didn’t internalize it as much as if she had been a baby, being an adult in a child’s body. but it’s still there. and claude got the most of it, a lot more than anastacius did. being an illegitimate child, etc. the person who got away from all of this mess and broke the cycle of abuse is jennette. she was raised in the alpheus manor and we can’t say roger is the best father because he has a lot of flaws. he’s using jennette and pushing ijekiel to be the next head, and probably instilling the wrong ideas in both of them since they were children. he’s put them both in danger with their greed. however, that will always be better than living in the palace. jennette has been affected by the way she was raised but in a very different way than she ever would have had she lived in the palace. ana will not be the best father either, but he hasn’t been in claude’s position who was most subjected to trauma in that same place than anastacius ever was. so he’s not on his level of fucked up, fortunately jennette will be ok with him.

i think jennette and ijekiel should have stayed closer to athanasia and they have a lot more importance than many people give them credit for. it’s a breath of fresh air from everything heavy that happens around her. hell, not even lucas was free from abuse and he has a lot of issues stemming from abandonment etc. they’re sort of the healthiest bonds athanasia has and she NEEDS those! she really does. i think i’ve talked too much already, 😭 idk what it’s supposed to be. analysis? rant? being angry that there’s SO much potential for more themes because the word building is simply incredible? so i’ll leave it here. thanks for listening and if you’ve read until here! don’t wanna force you to answer or anything. and sorry for clogging ur inbox

Headcanon accepted! I like to hc LP Athy to have an Avoidant Personality Disorder & depression. This is probably contradicted by canon since Lithium said LP Athy crying was so out of the character that even Claude was suprised by her breakdown but since it's the only panels where she has dialogue I imagine her to be similar to Hilise Inoaden in her first life: cries easily but only at night when she's alone by herself, hypersensitive, feels unsafe in big crowds or when alone with strangers, clings to every gesture that can be interpreted as kindness, tendency to excuse the actions of the people she cares about (really how has she not lost hope for Claude in those 18 years of her life facing his rejection and the noblility's mockery?).

Talking about mental illnesses being heredity, baby Claude could have also ended up with an Avoidant Personality disorder if he hadn't freezed his heart, I think. But now I hc him with an Antisocial Personality Disorder, Like Lucas.

But I don't think wmmap is good representation of mental illness. You could argue that Lucas' and Claude's "psychopathic/sociopathic" tendancies are mainly caused by dark magic and not their childhood trauma. Like even though Claude seems to have ASPD, baby Claude never showed signs of a conduct disorder. I know this isn't a must but still. Athy's trauma only gets bought up when spoon needs to stirr drama between her and Claude. It doesn't really impair her much in her everyday life. There isn't a day where she has a hard time getting out of bed or a day where she tries pursuing her hobbies but nothing brings her joy anymore. She still manages to be productive. She had no problems to interact with strangers and blend in with the tea party girl's in high society, even though their mother's betrayed her later and some of them surely did the same in the first timeline (ignoring Athy in favour of Jennette), yet she doesn't really harbour any resentment against the noble's that harmed her in her first life.

#anon #answered asks

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captainjimothycarter · 4 years ago

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What are Steve's wedding vows to Peggy?

Hey i wrote something since like Saturday. kinda proud of myself despite BAD anxiety over this.

“Are you ready, Steve?”

The question came from Edwin Jarvis, the man sticking his head in through the curtains to smile at the nervous Captain. Steve just held up the bowtie in despair, trying to hide the shake in his fingers.

“I can mull down hundreds of Nazis. I can fight Hydra to the bone and-and nearly be killed by a frozen tundra, but what defeats me is a god dang bow tie!”

Jarvis laughed as he stepped into the small side room, giving him a comforting smile. “You know,” he mused as he started to do the tie. “When I was marrying my Ana, I was so nervous I fainted right as we got to I do.”

Steve felt himself gap, looking the man up and down. He could picture that, not that he would say it. He felt like he might faint before he even got out to where Bucky and Colonel Phillips were waiting for him.

“When I came to, my head was in Ana’s lap and I insisted she was an angel. She practically is - not that I’ll ever insist anything different. She’s never let me live that down, that rascal. The point is, Captain Rogers,” the man smirked as he finished the tie and smoothed it out along Steve’s neck. “It’s okay to be nervous.”

“I’m...Captain America, I shouldn’t be nervous, I wasn’t nervous when-”

“Let me ask you something,” Jarvis spoke over him, patting the guy’s shoulders to get him to sit down. He pulled a comb out of nowhere and started to fix Steve’s mousy hair from his constant fingers combing through it. All Steve could do was look on in the mirror. “When you bulldozed through of Hydra agents or lead your Howling Commandos through countless missions or did whatever you did in what the reports do not say, were you nervous?”

“Of course not, those guys depended on me. I couldn’t afford to be nervous or second think my actions, someone might’ve died.” Plenty of people did, in ways Steve could’ve never stopped or predicted unless he’d been there, but he was one person.

Not that Jarvis was asking about this.

“Exactly. They depended on you. You needed to be ready for anything, to overcome anything Hydra would’ve thrown at you. Yet with Miss Carter, you’re nervous about your wedding? It’s practically a tradition to be nervous. Do you know what that means?”

“That I’ll fumble my vows or drop the rings and it’ll roll into a gutter, never to be seen again?”

Jarvis snorted and lightly squeezed Steve’s shoulder. “No, Captain Rogers, it does not. It means that you love her. You love Miss Carter with every fiber of your being. It means you, my friend, will have an amazing wedding and marriage. Even if you do fumble, you can do no worse than me and fainting.”

Steve covered his face, trying to stabilize his breathing. He did love Peggy - Jarvis was right. There was no doubt about that. He loved her. Loved her so damn much he might explode. He just...was nervous.

“Being nervous,” Jarvis continued as he put the comb away and tilted Steve’s head up to inspect himself in the black and white suit. “Being nervous is a tradition. It means you love her. I’m sure Miss Carter is nervous too.”

Steve’s mouth opened to counter, Peggy couldn’t be nervous - he’s seen her stare enemies dead in the eye and not miss a beat. He’s seen her let herself get shot if it meant saving the hostage. He’s seen her survive countless trails and still stand on top at the end of the day. There’s no way Peggy was nervous. Yet, the second he opened his mouth to say something, Bucky stuck his head through the curtain.

His hair was perfectly parted thanks to his mother’s intervention. He was sure the second his ma wasn’t looking, he would mess it up. The suit he wore was a little on the older side, insisting he got to wear his dad’s suit to this wedding.

“You ready, Stevie? That green isn’t a good shade, bud.”

Steve gently swatted at Bucky’s chest as he adjusted the suit once more, trying to take in a deep breath to calm down.

“Shut up. I’m just...nervous. How’s everything looking? We ready?”

“Ready as we’ll ever be. Ole Phillips is grumbling as ever. Dugan is waiting up there, Angie is ready. We’ve already had to stop the niece and nephew from throwing the flowers everywhere.”

“Oliver and Penny really like those roses, huh?” Steve’s lips twitched into a small laugh at the idea of the kids going haywire with those roses. “And Peggy? Is she…?”

“Ana and Rose and even Howard are in there, it’s alright.” Seeing his friend’s panic look, he smoothed down his suit again, the metallic hand glimmering in the dull light of the chapel. “Let’s get this party started and get you two crazy kids married.”

“Always knew you two would end up together,” Phillips grunted as Steve stood nervously, shifting from foot to foot. “From the second she laid eyes on that scrawny form of yours.”

Steve laughed, a more forceful laugh given the nervous state he was in. He watched Jarvis politely sit down after checking in on the girls, Rose already coming up to stand by them. Bucky clapped Steve on the shoulder, squeezing him too hard.

“Told you,” he chuckled. “You two were meant to be…”

“‘cept you shouldn’t have shown up in the bar when we were having your public funeral,” Dugan interjected. “Not the best idea, Cap.”

“You’re lucky Carter didn’t shoot you on the spot, coming up with a soiled uniform, and half that glass in your chest,” Phillips grunted.

“Wouldn’t have hurt as bad, if-”

Steve stopped the second he heard Ana playing the piano, turning on his heels and towards the door.

He watched Oliver and Penny run through with the flowers, throwing them everywhere but the floor. His little giggle and the laugh through the chapel made him relax a little, but the second he saw Peggy, everything was back in full force.

She was...beautiful, spectacular. A thousand words he couldn’t think to say. His mind nothing but a fine-tuned sound of buzzing as he watched her slowly walk through that door. Ana had worked perfectly on that dress, the trim, the lace, every down to the last details of the pearls knitted into the collar.

Steve could feel the tears burning in his eyes as she slowly stood in front of him, hearing in the corner of his mind, Phillips muttering about sap.

He loved her.

“You look…” Steve struggled with the word as he held onto her glove-laced hands, looking down at them and slowly back to those beautiful hazel eyes that he’d fallen in love with before he even knew what color they were.

“I know,” Peggy finished, squeezing his hands. “You look pretty dashing yourself. We-”

“How about we get this show on the road, huh?” Phillips asked, breaking the silence, and the music slowly melted into the background. “We all knew we’d end up here today. It was just a matter of time and if it was legal or not. I expected you two to just waltz into my tent one day and demand to be married, the laws and logic be damned.”

“Almost,” Steve mused, shrugging his shoulders. Phillips’ grey eyes were trained on him, brow rose as if to ask what. “I proposed to Peggy after she’d been shot during the hostage situation of ‘44.”

“Son.” The tone said all and the Howling Commandos laughed the loudest. Steve glanced over to see Peggy’s side of the family, most with pursed lips. They still weren’t pleased that their daughter was marrying a Yankee.

“We told him to do it,” Dugan interjected.

“Dared him, actually,” Jones added.

“Double-dog dared him,” Bucky said.

“Actually, we told him to do it or we would on his behalf,” Pinky reminded them.

“We-”

Phillips’ look silenced Falsworth on the spot, the man clearing his throat and stepping back in line. “We’re no longer at war, boys, you don’t have to keep defending your Captain under insane circumstances. I’ll never forget about the damn goat incident.”

It was only a few minutes later before Phillips cleared his throat again and nodded towards the couple. “The couple has written their own vows. Ca-Steve, would you like to go first?”

Steve blinked as he felt Peggy’s eyes on him, trying to calm his racing heart down. “Okay, yeah. Yeah,” he breathed, taking the paper Dugan had passed him. “I stayed up till 4 in the morning working on this. Mr. Jarvis had to eventually take the pen from me so I’d sleep.”

“And he didn’t accept my help,” Howard muttered just loud enough for Steve to hear, making the Captain flush.

“Okay, here it goes,” Steve breathed, unfolding the paper and trying not to let how nervous he was shown. His hands were already starting to shake and he was afraid sweat would ruin the ink.

Peggy’s hand gently closed around his wrist and offered him a comforting smile. “It’s okay, darling. Just us. Not a whole platoon of guys to play Star-Spangled Man With A Plan.”

If he wasn’t blushing then, he was now.

“Peggy, I…” Steve looked down at the paper and back up at her. He could hear Jarvis’s voice in the back of his head telling him that when he got up there, he’d know what to say. Fumbling or not.

“Peggy, I love you. I’ve loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you and I didn’t know it. I didn’t know what the color of your lips was or the color of your eyes or your hair or even your uniform. I didn’t know the true sound of your voice or the smell of the roses on your skin. I didn’t know much then - hell I don’t know much now -”

A few people laughed and Steve lowered the paper, looking dead into his wife-to-be eyes.

“I didn’t know much then. I just knew you were hell on high heels and damn anyone who got in your path. When you first knocked out Hodge, I felt my breath taken away. When you ran for the grenade too, I wanted my last sight to be of you, swore I was goin’ blow myself up to a million pieces. Our first conversation in that car might’ve been one of our lasts and I was glad it was with you, someone who understood me. Understood what it was like to be discriminated against because we’re us… Because I was sickly and small and you were a woman, a girl, a-”

“You still don’t know how to talk to women, do you?” Peggy asked, blinking the tears from her eyes and making Steve give a wet laugh.

“I”m afraid not, how I managed to get you to fall in love with me is a wonder. The point is, Pegs, I love you, from the bottom of my heart. All through the war, we talked about what we wanted after. I insisted on a white-picket fence, a house in some neighborhood, that we’d build the perfect life together and well...you saw where that lead us. Me to a watery grave and you punching me out when I showed up at that bar. Even if I was late for our dance.

I just...I love you. Life has taken us on insane turns from clearing our friend’s name to-to living in LA for a few months. To...to here. To me finally getting the guts to purpose to you. Or more like catching my breath. I need you in my life and I’m lucky to have you. I’m more than happy to sit on the sidelines and let you work, to raise our kids or tend to a home, to do anything you ask. I’m more than happy to just be yours. I just...I need to be yours like I need to breathe. You are my life, Peggy Carter, and I’ll have no other but you. I’m lucky to be your husband, to be by your side through it all.”

Peggy didn’t bother to hide the few tears running down her face, thankful Angie had fixed her makeup just right to prevent the tear streaks from showing. She cleared her face off with the handkerchief Rose had given her and sniffled.

“Sap,” she laughed, shaking her head. “I stayed up late last night but not writing these vows. I...told myself I knew what I was going to say when I got up here, but I’m mistaken. I can only say I love you, Steve Rogers. You are my life. My soul. When I was young, I insisted I wouldn’t marry. I insisted my life was to slay dragons, rescue knights, be a pirate. To be anything but the lady my mother wanted me to be.

I insisted I knew what I wanted for myself. That I-I wanted to be a codebreaker and I was good at it. I-”

“And saved our lives with it,” Howard said, causing them to laugh.

“Yes, Howard, thank you. I am good at it. I’m great at it. I insisted that’s all I could do to help the war effort, to maybe consider becoming a nurse but my mother and Fred forbidden it. I insisted I loved Fred because my mother did. I insisted that I could do some good by staying home, being the good wife, and keeping my head down. I insisted on a lot of things but for myself…

It took Micheal’s death for me to see there was more for me out there. The SSR was life-changing for me. Getting to serve under Colonel Phillips’ here, getting to meet you, even if you were...different.”

“It’s okay, call him a shrimp like I did,” Phillips interjected, making Peggy give a wet chuckle. “Kid got that sandwich after all.”

He swore the man smiled at him - even if Steve wouldn’t admit it.

“You were different. You stood out from the rest and it was because of your good heart. Yes the grenade incident, but you helped the nurses around the base. You helped collect herbs for them when we ran out of pain killers, you remembered decades-old healing practices that your mother taught you. You gave some of the guys, even if they were bastards to you, advice on how to fix their broken shoelaces or how to even hide the knives better in their clothes. You were kind and sweet-hearted and I wanted you from the start.

Even after your serum, you didn’t change. You saved that kid. You saved me, even if I was quite upset about it.”

“You did yell at me a lot for pushing you out of the way,” Steve interrupted, remembering that chaotic day.

“You were running with no shoes on and shoved me out of the way of an oncoming car. I had to yell about something.” She smoothed down his suit and sighed, shaking the veil. “Even after that, Steve, I...I love you. I loved you from the start. During the war, that love only grew. I thought we hid it well.”

“No,” Bucky snorted. “No, you two did not. Everyone knew.”

“Yes, thank you, James,” Peggy huffed, giving her friend a roll of her eyes. “That love for you grew and I’m only sorry we didn’t act sooner, that we didn’t kiss more or-or risk it to just touch each other in blatant public when we needed the comfort because it was a war. I am sorry that it took this long to get here - but we’re here. Look at us. We’re here, sweetheart. We’re getting married after all in a setting of our choice, with our friends and family. It’s worth the wait.”

“You’re always worth the wait,” Steve whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“I love you,” Peggy whispered, squeezing his hands. “I loved you then, to now, and forevermore. I’ll never stop loving you, no part of my soul will be complete without you. You are my light, Steven Grant Rogers, as I am your compass, your true star north. You are my light and I want nothing more from you than a life that we paved together.”

There was no dry eye around them, even the grisled Colonel was sniffing slightly and wiping at his eyes. He squeezed the book in his hand and gave the couple a warm smile. “Aren’t you two kids sweet? Why don’t we wrap this up so you two can kiss like how you did in the supply closets?”

Steve felt his ears burn, turning back to Peggy and holding her hands. He wasn’t sure how he survived the rest of the ceremony. Of Bucky bringing the rings to them, his ma’s old ring that Howard had cleaned up and engraved with their wedding date on it. Peggy’s father’s wedding band.

He wasn’t sure how he barely got the words I do our before Peggy was jumping on him to kiss him and Steve’s arms found a way around her frame to pick her up and kiss the life out of her.

The wedding they dreamed of and feared that they never had.

A life yet to come with many memories down the road.

#Steggy #StevePeggy #Steggy Prompt #Steve Rogers #Peggy Carter #Howling Commandos #Fluff #Steggy Fic

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ceo-of-daichi · 4 years ago

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Request ~ ‘Lydz! I need a Daichi fluff so bad. SO BAD. Could I request a long distance relationship with Daichi, and one day after s/o cries over the phone saying that she misses him, he decides to fly to her as a a surprise!! 😭💖 it can be a hc or drabble one-shot, whatever you’re comfortable with! Thank you bb ily ❤️’ ~ @mrs-kuroojinguji

Characters ~ Sawamura Daichi x Fem!Reader

Genre ~ Fluff

Warnings ~ Kinda a rollercoaster of emotions... a bit of the reader crying

Word Count ~ 1.8k+

A/N ~ Haven’t written a long fic in a while so i hope you guys enjoy this!!!💛 Thank you to @scorpiosanssexy for beta reading this☺️ Also i’m so sorry this took so long for me to write Ana😫

‘I love you baby…’ You hear as you hang up your phone, tossing it to the side. Another night where you slept in an empty bed. You had lost track of how many it's been without him by your side physically. A year? Maybe closer to two? The hope that one day soon you would wake up to his warm arms around you, his breath fanning on the back of your neck. Comfort, something he automatically provided. It was in his aura, whenever he was close and sadly you hadn’t felt it in a while.

As much as you loved the UK it was far away from home, not only your family but your friends and from Daichi. The one you wished you could spend every waking moment with, someone who you could see yourself with for the rest of your life. You felt so far away from him, 5,732 miles to be exact, a number you had spent so many sleepless nights thinking about. As your head hit the pillow you figured tonight was going to be another one of those nights.

Your day seemed to drag as all you could think about was Daichi’s words to you last night. ‘I can’t come see you yet, I'm so sorry, work is piling up and with my family wanting me home I just can’t spare the time to fly over… I’m so sorry, I'm going to have to fly over in summer.’ Was what he had said, he was meant to come see you after Christmas, but as it was early into January now you had lost hope for seeing him.

It wasn’t long before both of your universities started up again for the new term, you would have to pray he would be able to come visit in summer or you could get the funds to see him. It was getting hard to be away from him, everyday the ache seemed to worsen in your chest.

Even when you both first got together, he knew that all you needed to feel better was a hug or his arm comfortingly on your back. To be pulled onto his lap so he could hold you impossibly close, you were always someone who has loved his touch. You were addicted to it. Both of you knew that it would be harder long distance yet you couldn’t bear to break up. But it was starting to prove to be harder than you anticipated.

‘You know you don’t have to continuously stir the pasta right?’ Your roommate Beth said, you wondered how long she had been watching you. Glancing at the clock you realised you must have been there for at least 40 minutes.

‘Hm? Yeah of course I know, I just like to make sure it's done… which it is.’ You replied, as you looked down at the pasta that was now basically mush in the pan. Letting out a deep sigh you drained it and put it in a bowl.

‘You’re seriously going to eat that? Oh god no [y/n]...’ She said as she took the bowl straight from your hands throwing the whole thing in the bin.

‘Hey! I like that bowl?!’ You protested as she led you to the couch.

‘Lets order takeout, I can tell you have been thinking about him again… Still no chance he can come?’ Beth asked as she scrolled through her phone for both your favourite takeout. You didn’t reply as you got lost in your thoughts once again. You didn’t realise how obvious it was that you weren’t doing well and even though Beth knows you better than anyone, she wouldn’t mention anything unless she thought it was serious.

‘He just said he couldn’t come… It's been almost 2 years since I have seen him physically, not on the other side of a screen. I miss him so much and it's starting to get harder to talk to him over the phone because everything hurts Beth… I love him so much.’ You practically word vomit as your eyes start to prick with tears.

The hurt evident as she pulled you in for a hug, letting your tears free as if they had been trapped in your ducts for years. Quickly dampening her shirt as she tried to do as much as she could to calm you down, it was no use though. ‘Do you think he just doesn’t want to see me? Maybe he’s found someone else?’ You questioned out loud as loud sobs continued to wrack your body.

‘Hey… Hey! I don’t know much about this guy, but from what you have told me he seems like a really respectable guy who loves you. Plus he’s your boyfriend so he has to be amazing! Have you thought about telling him how you feel?’ Beth asked getting up quickly to grab you some tissue.

‘No, I haven’t! I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him, because it's not that at all…’ Before you could finish sniffling out everything you had to say your phone lit up. A bright picture of Daichi from the last time you saw him covering the screen, arm around your waist and a goofy smile adorning his face. Daichi who you loved so much, who it hurt so bad to think about for no reason other than he wasn’t here. He wasn’t by your side, he was 5,732 miles away.

As you got up to go answer the phone in your room, Beth gave you a sympathetic smile and a quick mouthing of ‘tell him’. A deep sigh passed your lips as you closed the door separating you from the kitchen, you knew she was right but something was holding you back.

Cleaning yourself up slightly you finally answered the facetime call. ‘Hey baby…’ You said greeting him with a small smile. You knew he could tell you had been crying the minute he answered when his face dropped. ‘Hey baby-girl, you okay?’ He asked and that was all it took. You couldn’t keep it from him anymore, tears spilled once again from your eyes as you told him everything.

Daichi’s heart broke as he watched you cry on the other side of the screen, he wanted to gather you in his arms and tell you it was going to be okay. That you would both get through this together, however he was lost for words. He couldn’t hold you, he couldn’t even get you your favourite food to cheer you up. He wasn’t there. As you both talked it out, he couldn’t stop apologising, every ‘i’m sorry’ that fell from his lips felt so natural yet should it be?

Once you had calmed down and the facetime ended, Daichi couldn’t get the image of you crying out of his head. How had he not seen the person he loved and cherished so much in almost 2 years?

The night was long and tiring for both of you, neither could sleep, plagued by thoughts of what’s next? What can either of you do to better the situation? You couldn’t dream of leaving him but what if you had no choice. It was 3:27am and you decided it was probably better to try and take your mind off the situation, falling asleep in front of the TV was better than not falling asleep at all.

A couple days passed, although you couldn't stop thinking about Daichi you had gone back to normal with him. You thought it was strange but since that night Daichi seemed a lot more upbeat, wanted to call you more and was texting you constantly. You weren’t complaining though, you loved how he seemed to be making more of an effort since you had confessed to him.

‘Wow you actually managed to cook the pasta properly this time?!’ Beth said, an amused expression on her face as she sat at the table across from you. This caused a laugh to erupt from you, she was right once again. ‘Yeah I guess things are improving huh?’ You replied as she laughed along. You had made pasta properly, not as if it was anything special but it tasted good you thought.

As you both chatted and giggled away you were interrupted by a knock at the door. ‘Did you order food?’ You question as you got up to answer, wondering who it could be at such a weird time as your eyes scanned the clock, 10:36pm. Swinging open the door your whole body froze.

His brown hair was tousled and out of place, his grey sweatpants hanging off him perfectly and although he looked tired and rushed to anyone else. You had never seen someone so handsome before, not being able to stop yourself jumping on him. Despite being exhausted, Daichi still managed to catch you in his arms. ‘You came…’ You whispered into his shoulder, taking in his scent. How you had missed his slightly woody smell, it smelt like home.

‘I couldn’t not come… It broke my heart to see you cry because of me, I dropped everything to come’ He smiled, as he rubbed your back comfortingly placing a kiss to the side of your head. Suddenly 5,732 miles didn’t feel long at all when you were in his arms, realising the exact reason you didn’t break it off with him originally, he was worth the ups and downs. Worth the long nights of falling asleep on facetime because of the time difference, worth every ‘i love you’ text and every ‘i miss you’ whispered over the phone.

As he let you down and grabbed his stuff to bring in you couldn’t help but admire him. Has he got bigger? His arms looked so much more refined and muscular, the 2 years training to be in the emergency services sector clearly having an effect on his body. Before you knew what you were doing you gripped his bicep softly, he really was stronger than before you thought.

‘You okay there baby? Something interesting?’ He chuckled as he watched your face heat up, scooping you into his arms again. Not wanting to admit you really liked the change in his body you buried your face into his neck. ‘I just missed you a lot…’ You confessed, not like you hadn’t told him this before but being held in his arms made it so much more real. ‘I missed you too princess…’ He whispered, lifting your chin to look at him before pressing his lips to yours.

It felt like a lifetime had passed since the last time your lips had met, but it was just as amazing as the first time. All fears and worries suddenly dissipated, the only thing that mattered right now was him and how much time you had to make up for.

Gen Taglist ~ @honey-makki @novvabeam @scorpiosanssexy @sugawara-sweetheart @watermelonsugawara @taeya-san @mrs-kuroojinguji @arixtsukki @whootwhoot @cadenceh2o @minibobabottle @gemini-writes @lxvelylevi @kisskissfailmylife

If you want to be added to my General Taglist just send me an ask!

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hexensalbei · 4 years ago

Text

when i’m at home

“... And she just came by the station and brought us coffee!”, Eddie grimaces, trying not to grit his teeth.

“Isn't it a nice gesture?”, Adriana asks; there's hint of amusement in her voice and she's not even trying to hide it. It's late evening; her kids are already in bed and so is Christopher which allows her to talk with her brother for a while. It's kinda their tradition—every few days they call each other—mostly via Skype—to catch up and check if everything's alright. She really enjoys it; the Diaz siblings has always been pretty close no matter how far away they have lived.

“It is. It's just... Why was she even at the station? I thought there's nothing between them. Not after that disaster of a date”, Eddie sighs. Seeing Buck chatting and laughing with Taylor Kelly at the end of their shift really put him in a bad mood. He still doesn't trust her especially around his best friend. He just knows that redhead reporter isn't the right person for Buck. Who repeatedly said he wants a serious relationship, not just a meaningless hookup.

And yet, he's still seeing her. It bothers Eddie so much he spilled out about it when Adriana asked what's up. He thought that it might help him calm down but he feels like he's just more angry than he has been earlier.

“Maybe they're just friends.”, Adriana suggests after a few moments of silence between them. She eyes him suspiciously. “Isn't it what Buck said anyway? That they're better off being friends?”

“Then why was she flirting with him for the whole she was there? Why did she bring him his favourite coffee?”. It's very clear that Eddie's annoyed that his sister isn't throwing insults at Buckley's not-so-new female friend.

“You flirt with him all the time and nobody says anything.”

Eddie freezes.

After what it feels like hours, he looks up at his sister. She has that odd, annoying smug on her face like she knows she's absolutely right and he has sudden urge to wipe it off. She just waits patiently for him to catch up what she said.

“I... What now?”

“You flirt with him all the time. And everyone is fine with it.”, she repeats very loud and clear.

“I don't”, Eddie scoffs. Has she gone mad and he hasn't noticed? He doesn't flirt with Buck, they're just best friends. They joke and bicker quite often but that's it. There's only friendly, platonic banter.

“Have you ever considered you might be in love with Buck?”, Adriana asks. Her question is serious even though Eddie sees the mischief in her eyes.

“Don't you think I would've noticed that I'm in love with my best friend?”, he answers with another question.

He really believes in that. He's been in love once in his life and it was Shannon. And he was definitely aware of his feelings. He still remembers first nervous glances, shy smiles and stuttering. He remembers first touches and kisses and how he had felt butterflies in his stomach. He also recalls their arguments, make-up sex and tears when they'd been hurting each other. Even when Shannon had re-appeared in his life, he was fully aware he still loved her. So if he did love Evan, he'd know. He thinks. He's so lost in thoughts, he doesn't hear his sister's rambling.

“Edmundo!”, she practically yells at him to bring back his attention. It seems to be working so she decides to share her honest opinion. “Eddie, we've been talking for almost an hour now, you had a date with Ana—like yesterday—and you didn't say a word about it. We're only talking about Buck. You're so pissed off because you saw him again with the girl he'd hooked up with in the past. And for me it's pretty telling. You're jealous.”

There's a silence on Eddie's side of the screen. In fact, he's utterly speechless. Adriana's words are ringing in his ears like a fucking bell. Jealous. Is is really jealousy what's been eating him since his friend had reconnected with Taylor?

“Look”, his sister bites her lip as if she's not sure if she should go on. Eventually, she does. “I'm not laughing or mocking you. I love you and I want everything what's best for you. I know you've had a rough couple of years dealing with all that shit with our parents, Shannon dying, tsunami and pandemic and yet, I've never seen you happier. You literally light up when you talk about Chris and Buck. You mention him all the time. You've never trusted Shannon the way you trust Buck with Chris and she was his mother. You two practically live together—last time we talked he was tucking Chris in after he spend the whole afternoon cooking dinner and watching movies with you two. It's something I do with my husband, not with my friends even if I love them. I've only seen glimpses of your life and I'm pretty sure you two love each other.”

Eddie listens. He pays attention to every word that coming out from Addie's mouth. It's hard to admit it but she's right. Buck has stopped being only a guest in his house a long time ago. Lately he's here almost all the time—either babysitting Chris while Eddie's on a date with Ana or just hanging out with the two of them because he doesn't feel comfortable in his own apartment. The thing is, Eddie likes having him around. He enjoys lazy mornings that smell like Buck's famous pancakes and coffee made by Hildy (Buck still teases him about it); he's also very fond of all evenings filled with laughter when they accidentally fall asleep on the couch and wake up in the middle of the night tangled up together. Being this close has never been awkward to them. At this point—Eddie realises—it's more awkward when there's an actual space between them. And, of course, he notices how attractive his friend is. He must've been blind not to see it. It's not like he's the only one who knows that Buck's eyes look like the cloudless sky in the middle of the summer when he's happy and get so dark they look like an stormy ocean, right?

He freezes again for a moment.

“Addie, I'm a little too old to have a sexuality crisis, don't you think?”, he asks but Adriana only laughs. He's not even offended by it because it's kinda hilarious. He would've laughed if somebody told him that he's gonna question his sexuality because of something his sister had said. “What if... What about our family? Parents?”

“You mean if you two get together?” Eddie nods. “I don't think you need to worry about it”, Adriana smiles brightly. “Our mom's wondering—and I quote—when will Edmundo bring back to El Paso that charming friend of his?”

“And so are we!”, Sophia chimes in, appearing suddenly behind Adriana.

“Dios Mío, have you been here the whole time?” Eddie groans when he sees both of his sisters grinning. He's royally fucked now. He knows them well and he's sure they won't forget about anything he has said tonight and will tease him mercilessly. There's a reason why Buck instantly hit it off when he met Diaz sisters. Sophia only nods and winks at him before she disappears again.

“Aunt Pepa loves him and don't even get me started with Abuela. Buck's her favourite grandchild, she gave him half of her secret recipes and he's not even officially Diaz yet!”, Adriana exclaims, pretending to be offended. Then, she adds. “And you certainly don't have to worry about Christopher. The kid loves Buck more than anyone. I'm not even sure if you're still his favourite adult.”

Eddie glares at her but there's a smile on his lips. He's not even slightly surprised that his son adores Buck so much. Honestly, Evan Buckley is his favourite adult too.

—☾—

Adriana's words are still stuck in his head days later when he's at home after another long, exhausting shift. Christopher is already here, doing his homework and Buck—Buck is here too. They're in the kitchen, preparing dinner together. Or it's rather Buck cooking and Eddie trying to steal food.

“Hey, quit snacking and cut the vegetables”, Buck orders and Eddie can't help but smile.

“I love you”, he blurts out. He didn't even think about it, it just escaped from his mouth.

It's Buck's turn to freeze.

Eddie looks at him and realises what he said. He's not panicking; he just feels happy, perfectly comfortable. At peace.

“I love you”, he says it again and suddenly he's in Buck's space. He just leans in and kisses him. Buck's definitely surprised but he only needs a moment to catch up what's going on. He responds very eagerly and kisses him back.

Eddie thinks it's a wonderful feeling. Now he knows that sometimes love doesn't hit like a wave, rapidly and intensively. Sometimes it just sneaks up quietly and patiently, like a river, taking piece by piece. He doesn't mind it.

“You're still cutting vegetables”, Buck says when they break apart. His eyes are full of joy and he's grinning—and Eddie wants to see him like this everyday. “And for the record, I love you too, Diaz.”

Eddie sends Adriana you were right hours later when he's already in bed, Buck curled up next to him. She responds almost immediately I know and he just smiles again.

—☾—

Link to ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30453828

(Title stolen shamelessly from band called The Maine, I highly recommend listen to that song, it fits Buddie so much ✨

#911 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #buck x eddie #911 fic #buddie fic #lucy writes #lucy's attempt to write #no beta we die like doug #in this house we stan diaz sisters #adriana and sophia are national treasure #just like christopher #it's shitty #i know i know #buddie drabble

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2021ana · 4 years ago

Text

Doing this but not in 30 days lol, cause i’ll probably forget about so i’ll Answer the maximum rn

1- i have 59 kg, is like 130 pounds, my waist have 70 cm(27 inches) and when i started, was 76,5 cm, my hips are 86cm (33 inches), and when i started they’re 90 cm (35 inches)- they’re wide, but i like them like that- My right thigh’s 58 cm(23 inches) and when i started was 61 cm( 24 inches), my left thigh’s 56 cm (22 inches), but when i started they’re 58 cm(23 inches) yes i think i don’t forget anything lol

2- i’m sum like 5’3 or 5’4, i wanna be taller lol😫😫😫 like 5’5 or 5’6

3-i have a lottt, but i choose that one cause i love the lines in her stomach and her waist

4- OFC loose my boobs. Seems strange, i know, but i love them😭😭😭😭 they’re pretty, i like them, the guys love them, and i don’t wanna lose then, you know??? The same abt my hips. They’re kinda of wide but i like them lol. But ofc my boobs especially

5- at this point idk. Since i was 9 my DREAM is be skinny, but i think especially because the things i heard for being a fat child. But this doesn’t matter. I’ll be skinny and i’ll be pretty.

6- not actually. I did this just one time when i was like 11. I was struggling hard w my family issues and this day i heard that i was a fat child and should take off my tonsils (surgery) so that i would not eat and lose weight. I decided that if everyone thought I was a fat cow, I would be a fat cow. But soon after eating everything I saw ahead I felt guilty and i vomited for the first time, I never had compulsion but the habit of vomiting accompanies me lol

7- ofc. Like i said, since i was 9 my dream’s ve skinny, my mom helped me lose weight when i was younger but in a healthy way. she rlly don’t know that i go so hard to be skinny, one day she ask me if i was throwing up and made me PROMISSE that if i wanna lose weight i’ll do that in a healty way, like she teach me. And i promisse, even that i was lying. She’s my mom and the best person in the world but i don’t wanna give her this problem, is mine, and i can deal w this.

8- i’m a active person i guess. I do muay thay(fight) everyday, and it spend a lot of calories lol. Also, i’m a swimmer, like rlly, i swim since i was 3 years old, and sometimes i run w my mom cause she run

9- HAHA YES!! I was an fat child. My entire childhood’s def by that.

10- idk sometimes i feel guilty abt you know?? My mom loves me, and she would be soo mad if she know that i do these things:( also, sometimes i lose my control and eat somethings that are really calorics, but i’m working in this

11- idk lol, i don’t think i know some thinspo blogs, act, pls say me sum so i can saw more thinspos lol

12- chicken, salad, and Beetroot, omfg, I love beets, i eat this every fucking day

13- unhealthy lol

14- For now 121 lbs, but when I get to it, I'll lower it more, and i wanna get there to my birthday (August)

15- i’m not, but i used to be, now i eat just chicken, but when i was younger i was a vegetarian for more than a year, and honestly it didn't help me lose weight, but those were not my aspirations at the time, maybe if my focus were that I would have achieved

16- since i was a child be skinny’s my dream lol

17- idk and i don’t rlly wanna talk about that

18- lol probably sum from mac donalds. I’m Addicted to that shit. But’s SO caloric:(( i think that’s the reason why i think so much abt this, like, is so fcking caloric and i know i shouldn’t eat this, and then i think so hard abt

19- sum weeks ago, i didn’t eat anything in the day so at the night i could eat sum shit and stay under my calories for the day

20- the princess diet lol, they’re so flexible and i don’t need to eat the same thing everyday, i like

21- girl depends a lot the store i bought them, in shein for example a have a “xs” top that fits perfectly but from “zara” needs to be a “s” or even a “m” cause they don’t fit like they should in my boobs. this drive me a little crazy and i always cry when i’ll buy sum clothes lol

22- in this times my lowest weight was 52kg, that’s like 113 pounds, but i used to be smaller than now(i was like 5’0) so it wasn’t a good weight

23- haha yes, but not ONLY the media. Before having social medias i already want lose weight

24- idk:( i don’t wanna be a “pro ana” or “pro mia” cause i don’t wanna make little childs or teenagers hating their bodyes like i did. That shit can fuck a child head and i don’t wanna be part of this you know??? But also i think that if you’re already in this(like me) the society can’t force you get a rehabilitation. Needs to be sum that YOU want, and its nice have sum persons to talk abt that without been judged, idk

25- oh yes, and the first experience i was a child and it was kinda of nasty, but i strangely like that. I feel like i was light and my stomach was clean, i like the feeling even that was a little gross

26- be skinny ofc, look at the mirror and feel rlly pretty, doesn’t have all fat that makes me crazy and just be loved you know?? By me and by others

27- not very good haha, at the school, when was the breakfast time, i need to go to the bathroom cause i get so crazy w the food, smell so good and everyone’s eating idk it’s a strange feeling

28- i don’t wanna my fat thighs anymore. But i also don’t wanna lose my hips.

29- something that i need to be. Thin waist, kinda of big hips, medium boobs, a thin face, a nice butty, and a tanned body, like a “latino body”

30-

1- my name’s ana

2- i love exercising but i hate run lol

3- i’m latina and i want a latino body

4- my favorite classes are history and science, also, i hate math

5- i speak 3 languages, 2 flowing and one not really bad haha

6- i like that people say that i’m pretty, but just when they say truth, you know??

7- my favorite skin caracter is james cook and i identify more with him than with cassie, I even think she's kind of covered up, people tend think that cass is my favorite just because she have an ed lol. And okay i like her, but not actually you know?

8- ugh idk my sign is leo and i rlly believe in that lol, i know my astral map entirely and my sun is leo, my moon is sag and my asc is aqua

9- i have daddy issues, like REALLY issues, i don’t like talk a lot abt this but anyway

10- my mom’s the person more perfect i know in my entire life. And i hate making her mad

My states didn’t change cause i did this in one day LOL, but in 30 days i’ll be back!!!

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vanillann · 4 years ago

Note

Hi!

I ship you with Remus Lupin (marauder era) from Harry Potter. I feel like the personalities would match really well together and your bring out a funny side to him that he surely needed after being clawed and cursed by the werewolf.

From stranger things I ship you with Steve Harrington. I feel that just like with Lupin they need someone to help them through something . Steve would need you to see the sunshine in his life (especially after being heartbroken with Nancy). You would start off as friends and he would slowly realise his feelings for you and he sees you make him a better person!

So below are my informations. I was hoping to get a male s/o from JATP, Harry Potter, marvel, Narnia or stranger things. It’s up to you how many you’d like to make really 🥰 thank you

ABOUT ME

- my name is Ana

- I’m from Portugal

- I’m 22 years old

- I go by she/ her

- I’m straight

- I’m 5”2 (I think, I am 1m56cm)

- I have brown eyes

- My natural hair is brown but right now I have it in a dirty blonde with some ginger hints

- My sun sign is Virgo;

- Riding is Taurus

- And my moon is Capricorn

- I’m a slytherin

- Very selective with friends and somewhat lonely at times

- Have a huge trauma backstory but I try to put the past in the past

- Good listener

- I’m the “sarcastic mum” of the group

- I can be mean as fuck when mad

- It’s very hard for me to love but when I do I get consumed and lost in it

- I have studied theatre and also equine studies (horse subjects)

- I am typically quiet until I trust the people around me and then I’m always cracking stupid jokes

omg omg thank you for my ship!! you literally pick two of my favorite characters ever (especially steve!!)so i’m not a emotional mess, thank you!!

i ship you with edmund pevensie!

first off enemies to lovers

because edmund definitely wouldn’t open up and you wouldn’t open up so edmund was like “SHE’S HIDING SOMETHING!”

and of course you were like shut up because he was annoying to you at first

ARGUING DURING MEETINGS ARGUING DURING MEETINGS

and y’all kept that up for a while but then something happened

so it was a meeting with another country and peter wanted you their because you know a lot about them

and they made a comment about edmund’s past

and YOU WENT OFF

“why’d bring up a past you know nothing about? we can talk about your past with your mistress?”

AND EDMUND WAS LIKE OMG OMG SHE’S HOT

because edmund 100% love angry girls

he’s a whore for it

so you stormed out and went for a ride to clear your head

and peter ended to meeting cause no one take bad about his brother and gets away with it

and edmund just sit in front of your room till your get back

and when you see him you kinda wanna roll your eyes cause you didn’t wanna argue today

but he just thanks you

“i know we fight a lot ana but you really stood up for me back their”

and you 100% stood up because of your past and you’d kill someone if they bought it up like that

and you obviously accept because he was so sincere

and after that you slowly become friends and riding partners

he 100% loves watching your hair in the sun because it looks so cool

he likes it when you do crack jokes around him

makes him feel involved

you start to spend more and more time with him and he totally down for it

i ship you with luke patterson!

luke definitely is the type to rant a lot so the fact you’re a good listener helps

i can imagine him seeing you alone and he turned to his friends “WE MUST BEFRIEND HER NOW”

you definitely are kinda stand-offish at first but you slowly start to like being around them

i can imagine you joking about liking another band more and luke listened to all their music trying to find out how they’re better

i can imagine him trying to braid your hair

“wait what do i do next?”

he gives up and alex does it instead

y’all don’t fight a lot b it when you do it can get nasty

he probably likes to walk away from arguments so that probably makes it worse

HE FOUND OUT YOU STUDIED THEATER AND WAS LIKE “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU SHOULD BE AT AN AUDITION”

YOU TEACHING THE BAND ABOUT HORSES

reggie probably already knows a lot so he helps dumb it down for everyone else

luke is so confused it’s hilarious

“ana i forgot about how to work a saddles!”

alex and you throwing sarcastic comments at luke 24/7

him pouting when you take alex side and you just patting his cheek and smiling

i ship you with steve harrington!

i feel like you were erica babysitter and she told you about them giving her ice cream to go in a vent

of course you freaked on them and steve looked like he was going to cry

“sorry?”

next thing you know you’re hiding on a roof with them

you only agreed because one you wanted to know too but also to keep an eye on erica

we know how that went

steve definitely would see you in school and thought you were scary but he started to see you’re really cool

“where do you think this leads?”

“hell hopefully.”

DUSTIN SHIPS YALL SO MUCH

“she’s really pretty steve!”

“hear that, she’s funny too!”

STEVE LOST HIS SHIT WHEN YOU YELLED AT DUSTIN TO STOP SINGING

“WE ARE GOING TO DIE WHICH MEANS THE STORY WILL BE ENDING!”

definitely felt kinda bad he dragged you into the upside down shit

robin and you 🤝 making fun of steve

i have a feeling robin and you’d be good friends

which makes steve happy cause he wants robins approval

obviously she does

“if she said yes to you then i’d be shocked, she wayyy cooler than you.”

YOU PROBABLY YELLED AT HIM SO MUCH WHEN HE TOOK A BEATING FOR YOU IN THE BASS

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT ASSHOLE!”

i feel like y’all would call each other “shithead” and “asshole”

like i don’t know i can see it

please enjoy and send in a ship!

#stranger things x reader #steve harrrington x reader #narina x reader #edmund pevensie x reader #jatp x reader #luke patterson x reader

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 6 years ago

Text

Love Her (Part 13)

Summary: The family tries to decide on the baby’s new name and the reader has a rough night with Tommy that leads to her finally admitting a few things to Dean...

Masterlist

Pairing: Doctor!Dean x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 2,500ish

Warnings: language, scary situations

A/N: Please enjoy the final part!...

______

“Hi,” said Tommy early the next morning when he finally got a turn to meet the baby. She was more awake now and Ana was allowed to have the whole family in the room. “Hi baby girl.”

She stared at him and blinked, looking up at Dean.

“This is Tommy,” he said. “That’s Y/N’s boyfriend.”

She looked back at Tommy before she shut her eyes again.

“Let’s get you back with your mommy,” he said as he carried her over to Ana.

“Thank you, Tommy,” she said. “You’re very good with her.”

“They stick him with the kids on purpose,” you said as you scrolled through your phone at another list of names.

“Are they really that selective?” asked Dean.

“No. I definitely wind up as the delivery man a lot though. I’m pretty friendly and strong. I’m a much kinder face and voice than some of the people on my team. They’re all softies but little kids in those situations they want to try and scare them as little as possible,” he said.

“Plus it’s one of the safer positions or so he says,” you mumbled.

“Can we go home yet?” asked Rae from her chair.

“No silly. Mom needs to rest a bit more and we still have to name the baby,” said Dean.

“Argh,” she groaned.

“Yo. Twins. Want to go get some ice cream from the cafeteria?” asked Tommy. They both perked up and he promised to keep them busy for a few hours before he headed out with them.

“I always knew I liked that boy,” said Dean.

“What about Ava?” asked Sam from his seat.

“I still like Amelia,” said Mary.

“Ava is a much better name,” said Sam.

“I like Ann,” said John. The three of them started to argue over it and Dean wandered over to you and sighed.

“What’s your pick?” he asked.

“What about that one?” you said, showing him your phone.

“That one was actually on our shortlist if we had a girl,” said Dean. “Hey, Ana. How’d you feel about Juliet again?”

“S’good,” she said, giving a thumbs up with one hand, the baby in the other.

“You hit the drugs again, didn’t you,” he chuckled.

“Yup,” she said. “Shit’s good.”

“Maybe we wait for mom to get back to reality before we make life lasting decisions, hm?” said Dean.

“Juliet is pretty,” said Ana, closing her eyes. “De. Baby.”

“Get some rest honey,” he said as he picked up the baby. He shooed everyone out of the room aside from you who he handed the baby over to. “Dad needs a nap for a few minutes.”

“I got her,” you said.

“I know you do,” he said, taking a seat and falling asleep quickly.

The baby blinked open her eyes and looked up at you, staring at you for awhile.

“You like Juliet?” you asked. She scrunched up her face and you laughed. “No, huh. I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”

One Month Later

“Are you sure?” asked Dean as he pulled on his coat.

“Dad, I’m twenty. I can handle two nine year olds and a baby for a few hours,” you said.

“I thought Tommy was coming over to help,” said Ana.

“He texted me earlier, said he was going on a call. He must still be on it,” you said. You saw them glance at one another and you held up a hand. “Go on your date. He’s fine.”

“Alright. Give us a shout if they give you any trouble.”

“Hey,” said Dean when he and Ana walked in around midnight. “Still up?”

“Mhm,” you said, scrolling through your phone on the couch. “Emma went down around eight, the twins stayed up until ten before they crashed hard.”

“Tommy get hung up at work?” asked Ana.

“He never called. He always calls,” you said, glancing over at them.

“Did you try the station?” asked Dean.

“They just said he’s on a call. I’m getting nervous. He’s been gone all day,” you said.

“Give me a second,” said Dean. He pulled out his phone and went back to the foyer. You got up and spotted him making a call. “Hey Uncle Bobby. It’s Dean...yeah you gotta come check Emma out soon, she’s a grump like you. I actually was calling for a favor...it’s for Y/N...you still know anyone down at the station who can check into something for us? Her boyfriend...yeah him. He’s out on a call and she’s getting a little worried since she hasn’t heard anything...yeah, call me back if you find anything out. Thanks.”

“Why’d you call Uncle Bobby?” you asked.

“He used to be pretty good friends with some of the local officers so I’m hoping he can dig a little for us,” said Dean.

Five minutes later his phone rang and you watched Dean bite his bottom lip.

“Thanks. I appreciate it,” he said as he hung up.

He took a deep breath before he looked at you.

“Put on your coat,” he said.

“Where’s Tommy?” you asked quietly.

“He’s at the hospital,” he said.

“Is he…”

“Bobby just said he’s at the hospital. The call he was on went long. Real long. It was pretty bad I guess. I don’t know, sweetheart,” he said. “Put on your coat and we’ll go.”

“You’re tired. I can-“ you said before you caught his face.

“You’re not going alone,” he said. “Come on.”

“I feel like I’m gonna throw up,” you said in the waiting room half an hour later and ducking your head between your knees.

“Hey,” he said, rubbing a hand up and down your back. “I have Cas and the rest of my friends off breaking a whole bunch of laws so we can find out what’s going on with Tommy in just a minute.”

“He’s probably in surgery, dad,” you said. “He could be…”

“Hey, hey,” he said as he sat you up and rubbed your arms. “The kid might not know how to change a tire but he is a good officer. He’s smart. I’m sure he’ll be okay. It’s something you two are going to have to deal with more than once I’m sure.”

“I know. We talked about that one time. I got nervous one night,” you said.

“What’d he say?”

“We came up with our check in,” you said, closing your eyes. “He asked if I wanted to stop. Seeing each other I mean.”

“He did, huh,” said Dean.

“He would love to be a graphic designer and he’s so good at it but we live here and someday maybe he could work from home on that stuff but he loves helping people and I love that he helps people. He didn’t want me to feel strung along was all for however long he decides to do this. He warned me stuff like tonight would happen. It would happen again and again and if it was too much that was okay.”

“When was this?” he asked.

“A long time ago,” you said.

“Well when you have nights like this, you let me know and I’ll be right here, okay?” he said.

“Thanks,” you said, closing your eyes just as the door opened. Your eyes flashed open and you saw Cas step inside.

“He’s fine,” said Cas. You nodded and let out a breath, Dean giving you a hug.

“See? I told you so,” he said.

“Why couldn’t I talk to him or-” you asked before Cas held up a hand.

“Come on. You can ask him yourself,” he said.

Two minutes later you walked into a room, Tommy still in his jumpsuit as someone wrapped up his hand.

“Hey,” he said. “I’m sorry. I should have...I really wasn’t thinking straight.”

“It’s fine. Are you okay?” you asked.

“Oh, yeah. This is a sprain,” he said.

“It seems there was a gunshot victim and Tommy here decided to shove his fingers inside an open wound and clamp the artery shut by force,” said the other doctor in there.

“Saved that person’s life from what I’ve heard,” said Cas.

“He sat up on the operating table for awhile before we could move him. Ice and take it easy with that hand for awhile. We’ll get you a medical notice for work,” said the other doctor.

“Thanks,” said Tommy before he left. “Yeah. Sorry. I should have asked somebody to call you.”

“It’s okay,” you said as you gave him a hug.

“I’m kinda covered in a crapton of blood, honey,” he said. You peeled away and looked down at your shirt.

“Who cares? You’re okay. I’m happy,” you said, hugging him again.

“I need a hug after today,” he said.

“Spend the night,” you said.

“I’m okay,” he said.

“Tommy,” said Dean. “When your girl knows you feel like shit and she offers to take care of you, let her take care of you, hm? Trust me.”

“I’m gonna shower this crap off and give my mom a call first if that’s okay,” he said.

“Yeah. Take your time,” you said. “We can wait.”

“Morning,” said your dad quietly as he walked Emma around just after dawn.

“Morning,” you said when you walked into the kitchen. “She still cranky in the morning?”

“Yup. I don’t mind. Gives us our daddy daughter time,” he said, Emma falling back asleep on his shoulder. “What are you doing up?”

“Getting an icepack for Tommy’s hand. He’s wincing in his sleep a bit,” you said.

“Wrap it in a towel for him so it’s not too cold,” he said.

“I know,” you said as you pulled one out of the freezer and put a hand towel around it. You started to head back to your room when you felt his stare on you. You spun around and he was looking out the back window, the first bit of sun coming through the windows.

“How bad was he?” he asked quietly.

“Bad. I’ve never seen him like that,” you said. “It was really bad in there from what he said.”

“He’ll be okay,” he said.

“How do you know that?”

“Because you’re taking care of him,” he smiled. “You understand trauma and all of it. You know how to take care of people. If you do decide to go on to med school, you’re gonna be a hell of a doctor.”

“I’d settle for an okay boyfriend,” you said.

“Sweetheart. He’s okay and he knows he’s okay. He had a long day and he needed you to take care of him is all,” he said. “That’s what you do when you love someone. You do a whole bunch of stuff when you love someone that much. Like waking up earlier and getting ice packs for someone so they can sleep a little easier.”

“Like giving someone a bracelet you made,” you said, holding up your wrist. He smiled and held up his own.

“Can I ask you something?” he said and you nodded, rubbing your eyes. “What exactly was it that got us here? You didn’t want to love me.”

“No. I didn’t. But I sure as hell needed to,” you said, his chin raising. “It wasn’t any one thing. It was a million little things. It was making breakfast, asking about my day, checking on me at night. It was someone that stood up for me and protected me because I was so tired of doing it for myself. It was the guy who gave me this bracelet and said I was his, no matter what. No matter how angry I got at you those years I was gone, I kept this because I remember all of that. I remembered and I wanted it back. You gave it all back and more. But you never once treated me like I was screwed up or wrong. I have never been a drama free child but it’s never been too much for you. I guess...one day I realized I had to grow up and admit that while I loved my mom, my childhood sucked. It wasn’t this thing I’d remembered it as. There was yelling and fighting and smashing and I’ve always been afraid of something, always. But I never had to be afraid here. This was where I learned I didn’t have to be that way anymore, that being safe and happy was normal. You always wanted me to give you a chance when that’s all I wanted too. I didn’t want to love you but you suffocated me with it and I needed it so bad and I think you knew you needed it too and I wish I could go back and tell myself to trust you from the start because there was never anything I had to be afraid of.”

“I wouldn’t go back,” he said, turning towards you. “I love every crappy, drama-filled, crazy, insane second. Never would have met Tommy if you were like every other twenty year old.”

“This is true,” you said.

“You like him.”

“No shit, sherlock,” you said, getting a quiet laugh from him.

“You know what I mean,” he said. “You like him.”

“Yeah. I do,” you said. Emma stirred and grabbed his shirt, letting out a tiny yawn.

“You know I do have one regret,” said Dean. “Rae. Ryan. Emma. I got to know all of them as little kids. I got to carry ‘em around and do all the dad stuff. We sort of missed that.”

“Yeah, we did,” you said. “But then again, we didn’t.”

“Still. If I could take away all of the parts that hurt, I would, sweetheart,” he said.

“I take after my dad. Sue me,” you said with a smile.

“Dad’s doing a lot better the past few years,” he said.

“I know. Me too,” you said, grabbing the ice pack from the counter. “I better get this to him.”

“Okay, sweetheart,” he said. “Love you.”

“Love you too, dad.”

______

#spn #supernatural #dean x foster daughter!reader #au #series #dean winchester

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peach-jaehyunie · 5 years ago

Text

The Descent

Pairing: Lee Taeyong x OC, (minor) Johnny Suh x OC x OC, (former) Kim Taehyung x OC

Rating: 18+

Warnings: swearing, suggestive content, implied drug use

Pt. I

Words 4,263

Genre: Fantasy, Fallen Angel AU, slow burn

Synopsis: Vada spends her days working in a restaurant, letting all the desires of her true nature remain mostly unfulfilled. Where passion had once been in her life she is left with only half memories—secrets of her past that haunt her heart. A man with blue hair catches her attention he and his friend begin to ignite the feelings within her that have long been dormant.

You had known a man like that as a sophomore in college. He had been your dorm roommate’s boyfriend, and he had radiated an unfamiliar energy. He was ethereal and his aura pulled you in. One time you asked how he got the two scars on his back “I had my wings ripped off,” he joked. He was gorgeous, but one day he was just gone and your roommate curled up in her tiny bed to weep over everything Kim Taehyung had taken and given.

He had made you look twice when you had first seen him a month ago. He rode a bicycle and his blue hair ruffled in the wind, you couldn’t help but look at him—the ethereal beauty you had seen before in someone else. It had become routine to see him as you walked to work: he would fly past, his shirt billowing, sometimes followed by a hooded figure with downcast eyes on a longboard. Eventually, his eyes would catch yours as he passed: they were deep brown and calming, there was always a twinkle of hope to be seen in them for a fleeting moment as he sped by. You noticed days you didn’t see him, they felt slightly emptier and work would be lacklustre.

“Vada?” You snapped to attention as your coworker said your name,

“Yeah, sorry, what did you say?” You quickly replied as you went back to whisking a pastry cream twice as hard.

“Katerina needs to know what to put on the menu for the desserts this week.”

“Oh, um,” Devo had caught you at a bad time as you were daydreaming about a blue haired stranger. “I made a white cake filled with almond pastry cream between the layers and an Italian meringue icing; I have blood orange panna cotta setting right now, which will be served with a blueberry sauce...oh! I’m making trifle with the leftover cupcakes, and I’m going to make a chocolate cherry mousse and serve it in martini glasses.” You noticed that Devo didn’t write any of this down and braced yourself for when Katerina would inevitably come and nitpick your work. You furiously whisked in the eggs yolks and were relieved that the cream remained perfectly smooth as it took on a yellow hue. You felt as though you could probably whip up a triple batch of pastry cream in your sleep, so thinking about the two men that chose a bicycle and a longboard as their methods of transport in a hilly city like San Francisco kept your brain busy.

A handsome man caught your eye for a second as you walked home with your bag of groceries. His eyes met your gaze and you felt unable to turn away. A chill came over you and you felt that his eyes were enough to suffocate you in the crowded sidewalk, every step drew each of you closer together. You fought back a grimace as the street narrowed and the mass of people were forced closer together. You were able to force your gaze from him, but the stranger’s arm bumped into your shoulder as he walked past. The hair on your neck prickled, your stomach felt like ice; he felt wrong. You couldn’t shake the feeling of repulsion even when you got home and set your TJ’s bag on the counter and began to unpack it.

“Hey, Vada,” your roommate greeted you without even looking at you as she breezes from the bathroom, through the tiny living room, and into her bedroom before shutting her door. You could hear two voices through the door; Brian must have been over and now they were getting ready for a night out. You considered an evening spent at home alone: you weren’t much of a Netflix watcher, and a string of bad first dates had left you in a dry patch romantically. You couldn’t go out with Ana and Brian, because you had fucked Brian first and now it felt awkward because he wasn’t quite your sloppy seconds; he just mostly was.

You ate the dinner you had brought home in a to-go container from work; it was delicious and the flavours were balanced, an array of textures should have been enough to excite your palate, but tonight it felt as tantalizing as eating cardboard. You picked up a book; any attempts to read it failed as you continuously got up to scour the cupboards and fridge for anything attractive. You spent the evening fidgety and almost...hungry. It was an odd sensation, a mix of physical hunger; for food, excitement, sex—anything to pull you from the mundane— and an even deeper hunger: a yearning. You thought of the blue-haired man on the bicycle, a warm and pleasant feeling filled you. It was the exact opposite sensation that you had felt from the other stranger while walking home. A streetcar outside the window clanged and you rolled over in bed, irritated by its sound.

The next day the blue-haired man was not to be seen on the way to work. A somewhat familiar feeling of unfulfillment took hold of you upon reaching your apartment at the end of the day. While you got ready to out to a bar with Devo you remembered someone else filling you with that feeling before: warmth, hunger, and insatiability that you couldn’t describe. You flinched like a wounded animal when you recalled the sharp grip of guilt that had clawed at you in punishment for giving in to such base desires.

“Here, you look like you could use it,” Devo said, sliding you his Manhattan as he ordered another.

“A Manhattan?” You looked at him skeptically.

“Sophisticated; like me,” he immediately quipped “No, but seriously, what happened in the two hours since I last saw you?”

“I guess I’m just kinda bored and very lonely.” You take a sip of your drink, already regretting the lasting taste the alcohol leaves on your tongue and the cloying aroma it will leave on your skin.

“What about your roommate?”

“She’s out with Brian,” you weren’t jealous, or at least not of the Brian factor, but no one would have possibly known that from the way you gulped down the rest of your drink.

“The one you fucked first?” Asked Devo.

“Yes,” you replied with a laugh in his direction, “The one I fucked-first. I’m very generous that way, you know, bringing people together like that.”

You and Devo’s friend, Adrian (boyfriend, but Devo’s parents don’t approve and, no, he doesn’t want to talk about it) must nearly carry poor, drowsy Devo back to his little bachelor apartment. It’s tidy but dark; there’s enough room for two men in love as long as lavish amenities like oxygen aren’t that important to you. The only pieces of furniture are a bed, two bean-bag chairs in front of a TV sat on the floor and a table in the kitchen area that’s used as an extra counter when Devo is experimenting with a new culinary delight at home.

“Vada, let me walk you home,” Adrian tells you right after you two have put Devo in his bed.

“Sure, thanks,” you tell him. You like Adrian, but he proves to be a slow walker and a fast talker on the way home. He asks you what Devo is like at work—Devo is the first guy he’s gone out with since moving to San Francisco from Ohio.

“What brought you out here?” He’s young and curious: Devo is the mutual friend, but no one talks about your past because the parts you make public are boring and you keep all the gritty and smutty stories to yourself.

“UC Berkeley,” you sighed, but not audibly. “My dream school; I dropped out Junior year, first semester.”

“Shit, didn’t like it?”

“Nah, it’s a great school, it just wasn’t what I wanted at the time.”

“What did you do after that, I mean before working as a pastry chef?” Damn, could he walk any slower.

“Just kinda bummed it on what I had leftover from student loans,” Liar. Someone had gotten you a lucrative job as a stripper in a club off of Broadway. You thanked Adrian and quickly left him out on the street as you hurried up the two flights of stairs to your apartment. There wasn’t a sound from Ana’s room, but empty takeout containers sat on the counter illuminated in the dark kitchen by a strand of lights that hung above the sofa. Your mouth felt dry as your senses were suddenly overcome with the bass of loud club music and a hint of chemical cleaner to cover up the odour of spilled alcohol. Your skin felt sticky with sweat and your hands felt grimy from money—but when you opened your eyes it was just a little two-bedroom apartment in a house with a blue facade staring back at you. It was not special, it was not grand; there were fairy lights strung up and a half-dead cactus (too much water) in the corner. You could close your eyes and remember a room for special guests who wanted a private show...after they inhaled from a blue balloon they were too out of it to do anything more to than slip a hundred into your g-string.

That night you had a dream (or maybe it was a nightmare, but it wasn’t all bad) that you were back in your Berkeley dorm. You laid in the bed and felt warm and full, it felt like happiness but there was a dusting of excitement: a *secret*—which is sometimes just a cute word for a lie. Your limbs felt tangled and you could hear yourself whispering, which was strange because you felt that you were alone until Ally came in and saw you on your little bed and started crying as she shouted and threw items from her side of the room at you. She didn’t want your apologies—were they yours? The dream began to feel claustrophobic; Ally wouldn’t talk, only cry and push away any comforting hands and you could feel yourself standing there...were you apologizing? watching? All you knew was that guilt was suffocating you.

You felt him before you saw him. For the first time, you were aware that you weren’t the only one who looked at him as he passed by on his bicycle. His gaze was as welcoming as a lover’s kiss and his eyes still felt hopeful and warm. You thought (foolishly? hopefully?) that he only looked at you.

You saw him again the next morning and you brazenly returned his gaze: his eyes were like a deer’s, you wanted to spend hours staring into them because they felt safe, welcoming, nonjudgemental. His sharp jawline made your mouth water, but the small smile that broke from his beautiful lips made you feel warm and happy.

Devo came to where you worked in the kitchen to complain about the new line cook.

“Does he ‘Yes, Chef!’ too much for your liking?” You ask him with a straight face.

“No—“

“Oof, he reeks of Axe—“

“No,—“

“Does he have mutton chops like the last guy? Those were gross.” Devo often came to you to complain about the new staff. You enjoyed listing off his complaints about coworkers more than you would like to admit.

“This dude just...creeps me out. Like, he seems nice and everything, but fuck, this sounds ridiculous, I just get this really bad vibe from him, you know? It’s like bad...energy.” You stifled your laugh because Devo was so earnest.

“Well, I feel like I have to meet him now.” You say wiping sticky sugar from your hands and setting a timer on your phone.

“He’s nice! He just makes my skin crawl,” Devo nodded and laughed as he said this before heading back to his prep station.

“Behind, oven door!” You said loudly as you stepped onto the line to put a sheet of rolls on the oven.

“Oh, hey, Vada?” The chef addressed you,

“Yes, chef?”

“This is our new line cook, Johnny.”

The tall cook turned to you and despite having not seen his face before today you knew, you felt that he was the man on the longboard.

“Hey,” Johnny gave a small wave “Vada...I like that name, have I seen you somewhere before? You look really familiar.” He looked at your face intently for a moment before you spoke.

“Um, no I don’t think so. I haven’t worked at many restaurants before.” Being under his gaze felt like a microscope, but...it wasn’t a bad feeling. He shook his head as if to get rid of a thought.

“Well, it is nice to meet you, Vada.” Johnny offered his hand for you to shake. There was a strange and sudden internal pull when you grasped his hand and he must have felt it too by the way he smirked at you.

You couldn’t be sure that he was the longboard guy; when Johnny left work he left on foot to catch a tram. He was talkative and easygoing, behind his outgoing demeanour there seemed to lurk a sedate and tormented individual. You could only see it sometimes: it was there behind his eyes as he worked, sometimes it was written on his face for just a second before the jovial mask would return. Devo avoided him as best he could and Johnny (strangely) didn’t seem at all offended, regardless of how obvious Devo was.

“Drinks and staff night out at Gus’s tonight!” Katerina yelled into the kitchen as closing started. You quickly cleaned up your work station and grabbed a bucket of cutlery for polishing to help the servers get out faster. An hour later the group of you were turning out the lights and locking up, stuffing the split tips into a safe place to be spent later on. Gus’s Bar was a short walk and extremely casual and therefore suitable for a bunch of sweaty kitchen workers.

“First round is on me,” Katerina stated as she sat down at the bar and the old barkeep slowly approached while he was polishing a glass. He nodded and remained quiet as everyone placed their orders, never writing anything down, and began to make drinks more efficiently than you had ever seen in your life. The barkeep (possibly Gus) soon had a row of drinks up for all of you. As soon as Johnny downed his first in one go he exclaimed with a mischievous glint in his eye:

“Third round is on me!” He winked at you as you realized what that meant because no one had offered to buy a second round.

“I guess I’ll buy round two,” said one of the waitresses with a chuckle, her long, blonde waves shaking as she laughed. You felt pleasantly buzzed after round three, not really needing a lot more but also not anywhere near turning down an offer for another one. You ordered a whiskey sour—neat; this one you were paying for. You sat between Miles and Johnny at the bar: Miles was laughing at everything anyone said but paying you no mind because you just wanted to sit there and enjoy the feeling.

“I know where I know you from now,” Johnny spoke resting his arms on the bar comfortably.

“Oh yeah, where?” You grinned at him, unfazed.

“The Velvet Angel,” he said it loud enough that you knew you could only hear him, but you still felt that your heart stopped for a few moments. His eyes stayed on your face, but your thoughts raced and your mouth felt dry when you realized what this meant.

“How did you—“ you began licking your lips

“Don’t worry, I won’t say anything—it’s our secret.” He assures you upon noticing your hands shake as you tried to bring the whiskey sour to your mouth. You looked at him, blushing at how kind and welcoming his gaze seemed despite the fact you felt nearly like drowning. You wanted to run away...but you couldn’t, not from Johnny. Everything seemed foggy, but you finished your drink and ordered another. Adrian came and you felt the brush of his hand on your back as he said ‘hello’ and you thought you must have said something back but you couldn’t remember. Miles fell asleep with his head on the bar as Johnny comfortably nursed a beer on your other side. Strangers came and went, and one by one your coworkers left until it was just the three of you—two if you considering that Miles was passed out.

“Do you know where he lives?” Johnny asked you as he finally finished his beer.

“No,” you had to clear your voice as it cracked from disuse. Why weren’t you more shattered, why did this not feel so bad to have Johnny know of your past life.

“I have someone in my couch at my place, can Miles crash at your place?” You wanted to ask Johnny if it was the blue haired man of your fantasies that was on his couch. That thought felt silly and hopeful, especially because you were nearly just operating off of a hunch.

“Yeah, I don’t think my roommate will mind. Wait—“ You grabbed Johnny’s arm as he moved to get up and, you thought, leave. “—I don’t think I can move him by myself,”

Johnny chuckled at your panic, and you felt your face heat up even more than just from the alcohol.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get him home for you; I won’t leave you.” He said as he gently patted your shoulder. Johnny went to help Miles up, but the young man turned out to be drunker than expected and your jaw dropped as Johnny picked up Miles easily and began to carry him out.

“Are you okay to carry him by yourself? That’s not what I meant when I said I couldn’t; I can help if you want!” You called after him, nearly tripping out of your barstool and trotting to catch up with his long strides.

“No, I’m fine, he’s light. Just walk us in the right direction.”

It’s quite a few minutes before you pluck up the courage to say anything to Johnny about The Velvet Angel. You choose your words carefully, wanting to keep the conversation lighthearted.

“No offense, but you don’t really seem like the type of person that would have frequented The Velvet Angel.” You finally say.

“A man?” Johnny joked after a moment. His breathing wasn’t laboured even though he was carrying another person up a hill.

“No, I mean, like that place had other stuff going on.” You began to feel uncomfortable, maybe you had completely misread him.

“Oh...you mean the private rooms and the balloons...well, I try to avoid that a bit now, but I haven’t always.” His voice was soft and low, you turned to look back at him and there was that sad tortured look again. You regretted saying anything.

“I think I deserve some credit for remembering your face, though.” Johnny suddenly quipped with a shy smile.

“Yes, that was very gentlemanly of you,” you replied sarcastically.

“It was the expression you wore on your face,” he began after a pause, “Some of the women...you could really tell that you were just paying to see their body, and some liked to play as if they were teasing you, but you—your face was that of a lover.”

“A lover?” You dubiously queried.

“It’s… You looked like someone in love, your eyes invited an intimacy if you looked closely enough. You didn’t look fake or cheap, it was all art and the beauty of love in your face.”

Your mouth felt dry, and your walking slowed down as Johnny spoke. Love, what did that even feel like? Did you remember, had you ever known it? There was a void where memories of feelings like that should be stored. All you could remember was guilt...disgust, remorse, and guilt. You had slowed to a stop without realizing it.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked, worried as he stopped by your side. You looked at him, unable to form a complete thought until the building behind Johnny took shape in the dark.

“This is my house.” You finally manage as you lick your lips and think to take keys from your bag. You unlock the main front door and hold it open as Johnny walks in carrying Miles.

“I live on the second floor, I’m so sorry,” You grimace thinking of him having to carry another man up the stairs.

“I said not to worry about it, Miles is light.” And he easily carries him to your apartment where Miles is laid on your sofa with a pillow from your bed and a spare blanket.

“Thank you so much, I hope you don’t have too far to go.” You tell Johnny as he walks toward your door to leave.

“Nah, it’s fine. It would be faster if I had my longboard, but I can catch a bus.” He shrugged.

“You have a longboard?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound too curious.

“Yes,” he turned to you and chuckled a little “But you already knew that.” He couldn’t see your blush in the dark. How could he have known that you suspected him?

“Vada,”

“Mhm,”

“If you ever want to meet Taeyong...all you gotta do is ask.” In the hallway, a streetlamp illuminated his face enough for you to see his grin and wink in your direction before turning around and trotting down the steps and out.

———————————————————-

The blue haired man is absent for the rest of the week, but on Saturday night you follow Johnny out the back door to shout after him:

“I want to meet him; I want to meet Taeyong.” Johnny sets his longboard down and pulls his phone out to check it before he answers you.

“Okay,” he looks at you with a slow grin, “I’ll find out when he’s free. Now get back to work, I gotta hot date I have to meet.” He winks at you as he gets on and rides off.

You feel giddy—butterflies like a schoolgirl when you get back inside the restaurant. You have trouble sleeping that night: trying to figure out every possible scenario as to how Johnny knew about your hunch; all the ways you could meet Taeyong, and imagining a first date in which you were overflowing with wit, intelligence, and good things to say; and also a terrible dread and anxiety that Taeyong was just some random person and not the man with the blue hair.

Your eyes are bleary the next day, the cookbook in front of you seems to keep going out of focus.

“Fucking shit!” You curse as you burn your hand on a cake pan, a silent stream of fucks threatened to be uttered by your tongue as you cup your tender wound. Disheartened, you peer into a mixing bowl of clumpy custard. It will need to be strained. Nothing is going right and you feel frazzled. You check the fruit purée in the freezer to see if they have set in their molds yet—they haven’t. You go up to the main kitchen and pour yourself a coffee with extra cream, avoiding the warmth of the mug with your burnt hand. It’s not a glamorous place to enjoy a coffee or a five-minute break, but the sun lights up the alley and even the dumpster doesn’t look too bad in this lighting.

He hops lightly off his bike as he reaches the alley corner, his frown is matched by your own. The hood of his sweater is up but it doesn’t stop the blue fringe from peaking out. He walks straight up to you with his bike, his frown softens and his eyes look like two inviting pools of melted chocolate.

“Is Johnny here?” He asks after a moment of you staring at him. You nearly choke as you try to speak and swallow your spit at the same time—

“Um, no he hasn’t come into work yet.” You finally manage after clearing your throat. The beautiful man’s frown returns and he almost seems to scowl at the back of the restaurant.

“He was off early last night, and said he was meeting up with a hot date.” You added, it felt rude but you were really unable to take your eyes off of him.

He looked back at you, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. His expression was safe and inviting and you suddenly felt less bad for having been staring at him.

“He didn’t come home after his date, and I can’t reach him on his phone; so I thought I’d check here just in case.” His grip on the bike loosened and tightened. Finally, he shyly averted his eyes for a second before offering you his hand to shake.

“It’s nice to finally meet you; I’m Taeyong.” His eyes confidently search yours out when he says his name.

“I know—“ you want to slap yourself as the words fall from your lips, but your hand meets his and you feel a warm and familiar pull in your very core. “I mean, my name is Vada.” You blush as you stumble over the words.

“I know,” and a soft blush breaks out over his smooth cheeks, his grip on your hand never loosening.

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takadasaiko · 6 years ago

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In Defense of Howard Stark

The Marvel Cinematic Universe doesn’t have a shortage of layered, fascinating characters. It’s always easy to hyper focused on the ones we love most, and that’s the excuse I roll with for why it’s taken me so long to find my fascination with Howard Stark. Up until the last few months I looked at him through the lense of who he was to other characters. He was Tony’s father, Steve’s friend, and co-founder of SHIELD with Peggy Carter. He filled roles, but I didn’t look closer for a long time. I didn’t have any reason to.

Then came the Great MCU Rewatch that happened post-Endgame. It wasn’t until I had Dominic Cooper’s Howard stacked back-to-back with John Slattery’s Howard that I started to dig into him. We meet a young man in Captain America: The First Avenger, the Peggy Carter short, and two seasons of the Agent Carter series on ABC. He’s brilliant and goofy, rarely serious unless he’s discussing his work. It’s a stark contrast with the older Howard we meet through John Slattery’s version. Either there was a catastrophic miscommunication between the writers, the directors, and the actors on who Howard Stark was supposed to be, or something caused that shift. The moment I settled on the latter, Howard went from a supporting character whose only use was to help round out others around him to a truly interesting, layered and even broken man. I became fascinated with piecing together that journey. I needed to know what took this man

to a man that his own son described as cold and distant.

I had been using Howard to help deepen my understanding of others, and in the same way, taking a look at those that he keeps close to him and how he treats them helps to shed light on who he is.

Who Howard Surrounds Himself With

Howard wasn’t raised with the same economic and social privilege that he was able to provide to his son in later years. In S1 of Agent Carter he tells Peggy that he was raised on the Lower East Side to a father that sold fruit and a mother that was a seamstress in a factory, going on to tell her how he’d learned to lie to break through the ceiling society had placed for someone like him.

Yet as of S2 of Agent Carter Howard was in high demand at a club that wouldn’t have let him within a hundred feet of if he hadn’t made the fortune that he did with Stark Industries. With that background matched with the contacts he would have made after Stark Industries took off, I think it’s safe to say that Howard knew people from every walk of life.

There were the less savory types:

Joe Manfredi and Howard grew up together and the mobster had no trouble reaching out to Howard years later for help when his kinda crazy girlfriend Whitney Frost went over the edge and into territory even he was uncomfortable with.

And while we may not know how he met Obadiah Stane, the other man wormed his way so deeply into Howard’s life and career that he was poised to manipulate his son after his death.

We don’t know a lot about those other than the fact that Howard wasn’t opposed to shady characters.

There’s something interesting in the more positive friendships that he keeps though.

Edwin Jarvis is a fascinating character. Howard’s butler is that and more. We see him stick with Howard through thick and thin. Through countless girlfriends that he was the bearer of bad news to

through disagreements, and he was with the Stark family long enough that Tony was influenced by him enough that he based his AI system off of him. Jarvis himself tells Peggy the story of how he met and came to work for Howard Stark in S1 of Agent Carter, shedding light on yet another layer of the complicated man:

Jarvis met his wife Ana during the war. She was Hungarian. Moreover, she was Hungarian-Jew in the middle of Europe overrun by nazis. Jarvis fell hard, but the general that he worked for wouldn’t help, even though he could have done so easily. So Jarvis forged his signature. He was found out and would have been tried for treason, but Howard - who had had business dealings with the general - stepped in and used his influence to save not only Edwin, but Ana as well.

There was no indication that Howard expected anything in return, but Jarvis remained loyal and steady.

And then there’s Peggy.

I could go on for days about Howard and Peggy’s friendship. I love it dearly, and feel that we need more friendships like it on television.

He flirts with her, he teases her, but in the end he respects no one quite like he does Margaret Carter.

Howard is a self-admitted liar. He felt that he had to become one in order to break free from the ceiling that society put over him in his youth. He doesn’t trust easily and, even when he does, he still hides behind a quirky, playboy mask meant to obscure anything of any real depth under frivolous layers. To get to the level of success he found himself in at such a young age he had to build up an imperviousness to others’ opinions of him. He flaunts in most cases, but, for better or worse, he does care about how Peggy views him.

She’s the one he turns to to clear his name at the beginning of the first season of Agent Carter and the only one that can talk him out of the mire of his own deepest regrets at the end of the same season.

The funny thing is that, for all his determination that he doesn’t really care how people see him, Howard seems to keep people closest to him that will keep him in check. Jarvis and Peggy, especially. They don’t pull punches and they call him on his shit.

If it’s a conscious choice or even a subconscious one, Howard surrounds himself with people that will hold him accountable. I’d put good money on the fact that Maria did too.

The Way He Treats Others

One of our earlier introductions to Howard is in Iron Man 2 where Tony tells Fury that his father had been cold and distant. He never told Tony that he liked him, much less that he loved him.

Fury indicated that he knew a very different man, and through Dominic’s Howard we (the audience) meet a very different man as well, which leads me to think that Howard struggles with expressing real, honest feelings rather than actually having them. It makes sense, given his explanation at two different points in the first season of Agent Carter that, to break through the barriers society had tried to force on him, he’d learned to hide behind lies and an indifference to what others thought about him. We see that that often leads him to come across as shallow and arrogant. He doesn’t, and seems not to even know how to express those truer feelings except in very rare circumstances, but we see glimpses in the way he treats people.

Edwin and Ana Jarvis are a fantastic example, as mentioned earlier. Here were people that he didn’t really know, people that he owed nothing to, yet he went out of his way to protect them. He used a favour that he could have hoarded away for more selfish purposes and gave it to them to save their lives. In return he was given loyalty, but there was no expectation on that.

Howard holds true to his playboy persona as well as, if not perhaps better than his son would in later years, but despite the flirtation (which he always manages to work into their conversations), Howard shows time and again the respect that he holds for Peggy Carter. While she’s fighting for her colleagues’ respect in the post-war SSR, she’s the one Howard reaches out to to clear his name. She’s the one that he trusts to protect him when his life is on the line. And when she needs help, it’s hers for the taking. A flight that the Army won’t take because it’s too dangerous? All Peggy had to do was ask. Twice when she needed a place to stay, he offered his own home(s) to her, and in S2 he dove straight in to help her on her case without any hesitation.

In S2 of the Agent Carter series we meet Jason Wilkes, a brilliant scientist who works for a company that becomes the center of the season’s investigation. The rarity of being a black man in his position is used against him when his company sets him up as a scapegoat. Not only is Howard eager to help him, work with him to clear his name, and reinstate his corporeal form (long story, but if you haven’t seen the Agent Carter series I highly recommend it!), but he sets him up in Stark Industries after all is said and done to help him run the Malibu labs on a new pet project.

For all of his faults and complications, Howard has a trend of helping to support and even protect those that the society of his time is set against. A Jewish woman and her fiancé facing the nazis, a brilliant female agent fighting enemies as well as men around her that have faith in her failure, and a talented black scientist whose company has used and thrown away when convenient. We see the kindness in his actions, in the respect that he gives others that society would prefer not to be bothered with.

So how did he miss the mark so badly with his own son? He gave him things, opened doors for Tony that he’d had to force open himself, but (at least according to Tony) he missed expressing any sort of affection for him. Personally, in light of the other relationships that we actually get to see as they’re taking place, I’m inclined to think that he didn’t know how to express his love in a way that an already struggling child could understand. He tinkered on cars with him and he built an organization that would keep the world (and his family) safe. Perhaps to Howard, more importantly, he kept his distance, thus allowing his son the chance to grow into his own man. Someone not quite like him.

The thing is, even if it went against everything he wanted, there was no getting around that. Just as I imagine that Howard inherited a few more traits from his own father than he would have ever admitted to, Tony inherited some from him. Both the good and the bad.

Howard’s Personality Traits

Marvel is a parallel haven. In many ways the universe that they’ve created feels like one long, fantastical TV show with 3+ hour episodes. One of the perks of that is the multiple nods they’ve made and parallels they’ve drawn. It’s through those parallels that I found between Howard and Tony that sunk me deeper and deeper into exploring Howard’s personality. Robert said it best:

(gif made by and borrowed from @erikisright)

Much in the same way that we meet Tony in Iron Man 1, the Howard of Captain America: The First Avenger and the Agent Carter short and series secures himself behind a mask of indifference to public opinion. He has a good time and doesn’t give a damn who knows it. When focused on work, he’s focused

but as soon as the war’s over he’s living the life of the playboy millionaire. He spends his time gallivanting around as much as inventing. He flaunts it. His money, his success. It’s the mask he hides behind to protect himself from the world, and the one that he feels like he has to hide behind. Afterall…

There’s no question that Howard has his fair share of less-than-desirable traits, but as we’ve discussed, he has some good ones as well. One that I found surprising, personally, is that he takes responsibility. Maybe not in his personal life (sorry, Jarvis, but it’s on you to handle Howard’s breakups apparently), but in his work. If he feels that he’s fallen short, he owns it, repeatedly to the point of putting his own life in danger.

In the first season finale for Agent Carter, after spending eight episodes on the run to clear his name, he waltzes himself into the SSR to give the full story and offer himself up as bait. It’s his fault, he tells them, despite not designing the invention stolen to cause harm, it’s still his, and he’ll own up to his responsibility there, both at the time and the damage it had caused during the war. In S2, after an invention fails, he offers himself up to go in and switch it on manually (putting himself at exceptional risk) because he ‘designed it poorly’. He doesn’t get the chance to do it, but he’s ready and willing to.

On the flip side (and also a trait that took me by surprise) he gives credit where it’s due.

Despite having to lie and possibly claw his way to the top, he’s consistently willing to both offer a hand to those that he can as well as make sure that he’s acknowledging their contribution, despite the fact that he believes that many successful scientists steal other people’s work for themselves.

Tony must have come by his tendencies to fixate by way of his father. Much like his son, Howard shows time and time again that he leans into his obsessive personality. It ranges from a hyper-focus on work to coffee to a good time by any means he can find it, and even to the guilt that we see him holding onto in those few private, honest moments we catch a glimpse of.

We see it in the way that he held onto the guilt over what happened to the Russian soldiers at Finow when his Midnight Oil was misused and ended up killing hundreds of Allied soldiers. He did everything he could to set the situation as right as it could be set - he faced down the general that had stolen the oil only to get his ass handed to him, forced the general to step down, ended a seven-figure contract with the Army, and created a vault to better protect designs and inventions that could hurt innocent people - yet we see how it still weighs on him years later.

I think it’s the guilt at never being able to find Steve that eventually shifts him from Dominic’s Howard to John’s. That lively, goofy man is broken year after year by the failure of not being able to find or save a man that he holds up on a pedestal. He fixates on it to the point that his own son feels that he cared more about Captain America than him. Really, there’s so much in this theory that I’ve had battering around my head for the last couple of months or so that it deserves its own post. I’ll put it on the writing docket.

All in all, Howard Stark is an easy character to overlook or to flatten out with partial information. The Agent Carter series does wonders to add depth to him by giving us time to get to know him. Time that we don’t get through newsreels and the off story that Tony tells.

Part of an interesting character is their layers, both the good and the bad. Much like Tony, I feel that the more I learn about Howard Stark, the more I come to realize that he was a man trying his best. Sure, maybe his best didn’t match up in a lot of ways, but I think there’s something to be said for each generation of Starks doing just a little bit better than the one that came before them in whatever way that they can.

#Howard Stark #MCU characters #character analysis #character breakdown #Tony Stark #Peggy Carter #Edwin Jarvis #Ana Jarvis #marvel's agent carter #captain America: the first avenger

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beiingalive · 5 years ago

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* ⌞ʾ⁎ ⊰ adria arjona, cis female, she/her ⊱ i think i just saw ANITA MORENO walk across trafalgar square, singing to YO PERREO SOLA ( BAD BUNNY ). you know, the TWENTY-FIVE year old SEAMSTRESS? people claim that they are just like ANITA from WEST SIDE STORY. it must be because they are LOYAL and OUTSPOKEN as well… though i could be wrong. all i know for sure is that they live at PETERSBURG apartment.⌝

❝ how can i hear what goes on twelve feet above my head ? ❞

name: ana josefina del carmen moreno rivera. nicknames: anita, nita. age: 25. date of birth: may 6th, 1995. hometown: san juan, puerto rico. current location: london, england. apartment: petersburg. occupation: seamstress.

pinterest: xx. playlist: xx.

→ 𝕙𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪.

[ tw: sexual assault ]

✂ anita was born in san juan, puerto rico, to arturo moreno and dolores rivera. they lived in santurce, near the theatre district — this was convenient, as dolores was a seamstress who was often tasked with making the costumes for local productions, and arturo was a carpenter who dreamed of being a painter — the perfect combination to work in scenic design. they had a nice little home that had just enough space for their growing family ; after anita, they had three more kids — guillermo, esteban, and luis.

✂ being the oldest, anita always knew it was her job to help out around the house. she often took care of her brothers, making sure they were well fed, clean, and out of danger. she would walk them home from school, make them hold hands and look both sides before crossing the street. she would help them with their homework before doing her own. she practically raised those boys — and still checks up on them like they’re her kids.

✂ when anita was eleven, a workplace injury put her father out of a job. the morenos never had a lot of money, but now they struggled even more to make ends meet. dolores became the primary breadwinner, and her income just wasn’t enough. just a year later, they were forced to relocate to new york city, which promised more jobs and better salaries. a friend of dolores’ got her a job at a costume shop ; arturo worked as a handyman.

✂ at first, anita was optimistic about her new life in the big apple. she was bored with life in her little island ; she wanted so much more than what puerto rico could offer. anita wanted to travel, to see the world. she wanted to study art and fashion, to become a fashion designer herself. like other puerto ricans, she saw america as the land of opportunity. she quickly realized just how wrong she was.

✂ things weren’t as easy as she thought they would be. she quickly became disenchanted with the american dream and grew up angry and resentful as she watched her parents work their asses off for a salary that was a small fraction of what their white coworkers got. she got sick of getting taunted for having an accent, for being too loud, or having a name that wasn’t easy to pronounce ( “ ah - nee - tah ” , not “ uh - nee - duh ” ). she realized that in order to fit in, she would have to lose her accent and change her name. she would have to change who she was.

✂ but anita has never been the kind of person who would make herself small to make other comfortable. at her young age, she decided she wouldn’t go out of her way to fit in. she would not change who she was just to appease those around her. anita made the choice to be unapologetically herself, and she hasn’t looked back since.

✂ she met the sharks in her early teens, and she’s forever grateful for them. she finally had a group of people that made her feel like she belonged. most of the time, she was an outsider. she was the “ other ”. with the sharks, she felt like she was one of them ( even technically she wasn’t ). she didn’t care that they were a gang, she had no qualms about that. it would be naive to think they weren’t a target. they had to protect themselves by any means necessary. it also didn’t hurt that their leader, bernardo, was so easy on the eyes. anita fell in love with bernardo, despite all the warning signs.

✂ once she was old enough, she went to work. her family’s financial situation was better in new york, but she still wanted to help her parents any way she could. she was a maid, a waitress, a babysitter, an usher. she handed out flyers at the park. she answered phones at a call center. during the weekends, she helped her mom at the costume shop — anita was already making clothes for herself, so she might as well put those skills to good use. she did anything to lessen her parents’ burden.

✂ tw sexual assault: her connection to the sharks made her feel safe, but at 16 it became clear to her that she needed to protect herself as well. she was walking home late one night after the restaurant where she was working had closed, when three boys surrounded her and cornered her in an alley. she knew what they had in mind, but she just froze. her body couldn’t react to what was happening until the very last minute, when it was almost too late. she made enough of a racket to scare them off. she ran back home. she vowed never to depend on anyone else to save her.

✂ once she graduated high school and started working full time at the shop, practically running it. she would have liked to study fashion, but she knew it wasn’t a possibility — college was expensive and not for people like her. she had some money saved up, sure, but the applications alone would have created a pretty big dent in her savings. she didn’t even bother asking her parents — college was out of the question. she focused all of her energy into the shop.

✂ about a year ago, she heard through one of the shop’s clients about a shop that was hiring in london — anita grabbed maría and jumped at the opportunity. the fact that the boys had moved relocated to london a few years before was a decent incentive, but not a reason. anita had outgrown new york. plus, she’d always wanted to travel. so anita took her savings and hopped across the pond.

→ 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪.

zodiac sign: taurus. personality type: estp — the entrepreneur. enneagram: type 1 — the reformer. temperament: choleric. moral alignment: chaotic neutral. primary vice: envy. primary virtue: diligence. element: earth.

✂ anita is feisty. she’s passionate and intense. she’s loud, she’s bold, she has strong opinions and is not afraid to share them. she might seem like she’s all over the place, but her feet are firmly planted on the ground. she knows who she is, and won’t let anybody tell her otherwise. she knows what she wants, and she won’t let anyone get in her way.

✂ i mentioned she has strong opinions, right ? well, to her, they’re the only valid opinions. she's not afraid to tell someone when they’re wrong ( or when she thinks they’re wrong, which to her, is the same thing ). go forbid anyone ever tell her she’s wrong — heaven help that poor soul. once she’s made up her mind up her mind about something, no one can tell her otherwise. she’s stubborn as a mule.

✂ she’s everyone’s mom friend. she’s the tough love mom friend. she’ll nag her friends and force them to eat their vegetables, drink water, and moisturize. this isn’t just because she cares ( although she does, deeply ) , she also just loves telling people what to do.

✂ she’s a hard worker ; it’s not rare to find her still working at the shop way past closing time — but she knows how to let loose. anita loves to go out dancing and will constantly beg her friends ( especially maría ) to go out with her. she’s convinced there’s nothing that can’t be fixed by a night out on the dance floor.

✂ she’s a highly skilled seamstress. she can recreate any article of clothing by just looking at it ; no pattern necessary. most of her clothes are handmade, and she loves making garments for her friends. you see a dress you like at some shop? can’t afford it? anita will make it for you.

✂ she’s always on / off with bernardo. she loves him, and she’s sure that will never change. still, they’re both passionate, volatile people. they clash constantly, breaking up and getting back together. she adores him, but she also wants to hit him with a chair sometimes.

✂ her apartment is full of plants. all kinds. she’s a certified green thumb and will yell at anyone who thinks succulents are easy to take care of.

✂ she has a small shoplifting problem. it’s nothing major. no need to worry.

✂ she has a cat named gasolina by daddy yankee. gaz for short.

✂ she’s a huge bad bunny stan. this may not seem relevant, but it’s important for me to tell you.

→ 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤.

✂ FRIENDS: i always have to start out with this one. anita’s a tough cookie to crack, but once she’s your friend, she’s loyal. she’s a ride or die kinda lady. your muse will not regret taking the time to get to know anita and earn her trust. they will have a friend for life.

✂ FRIENDS FROM NEW YORK: like i said, friend for life. your muse could have met anita when they were in high school, but this girl is not the kind of person to just let a friendship die because it’s been a long time.

✂ FIRST FRIENDS IN LONDON: she had the sharks, of course. but moving halfway around the world is scary and anita would’ve accepted any help she could get. these are the friends that helped her settle in and get used to all the cultural differences.

✂ PARTY PALS: anita loves to go out, so clearly she needs a little squad she hits up whenever she wants to hit the dance floor.

✂ FRENEMIES: anita’s a good friend, but she’s not everyone’s cup of tea. your muse might not like her. anita might not like them. anita might talk shit behind their back. anita might tell them to their face they that they suck, and might list the reasons why. anything’s possible.

✂ NEIGHBORS: could be friendly, could be not so friendly ! she plays a lot of loud music and doesn’t really have an inside voice. anita lives in the petersburg building, so if your muse lives there and you wanna say they live right next door, hit me up !

✂ COWORKERS: self-explanatory ! anita works at a shop that makes costumes for some west end shows, but they also take on a variety of clients ! they make clothes, they repair clothes, anything goes.

✂ CLIENTS: anita works at the shop, but will also take jobs on the side — she’ll take commissions, she’ll upcycle that oversized shirt you thrifted, of maybe just mend a torn-up skirt. anita is here for any of your seamstress / aspiring designer needs.

✂ FLINGS / FWB / HOOKUPS: like i said...on / off with bernardo. she’s not the kind of girl who’ll just wait around for him, so she will absolutely go out with other people ( and do other stuff with other people, winkwonk ) while she’s single.

✂ EXES: give me someone anita dated other than bernardo, please, i am begging you. give me someone she almost fell for before falling back into her old habits. i am on my knEES.

#musicalhqs:intro #→ intro !#( anita m. ) / * interactions .#( anita m. ) / * texts .#( anita m. ) / * muse .#( anita m. ) / * aesthetic .#( anita m. ) / * visage .#( anita m. ) / * playlist .#( anita m. ) / * memes .#( anita m. ) / * answered .

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guilianafms · 5 years ago

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new york’s very own guiliana rasananda was spotted on broadway street in gucci marmont logo - embellished leather sandals . your resemblance to lalisa manoban is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty third birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being doctrinaire , but also pragmatic . i guess being an aquarius explains that . three things that would paint a better picture of you would be the lingering scent of her perfume after she’s long gone , a fenty beauty gloss bomb as her staple to any makeup look , and the glitter of diamond encrusted jewelry on tanned skin .

hello ladies , gents , and nonbinary pals ! my name’s jin and i’m super stoked to be here ! i’ve seen this group in the tags over the years , and i decided that it was high time for me to slide in ( and now that my school’s closed .... indefinitely .... i’ve got the time ) . giuliana is fairly new so i’m still working out some kinks that may arise , but i have a pretty good idea of the direction i want her to go in ! i can’t believe that this is my first time playing lalisa in a couple of years , but since the chance arose , i decided to take it . i won’t chat too much , and i need to make a new d.iscord since i forgot the password to my old one but if anyone wants to plot , feel free to slide into my dms ( or i’ll slide into yours ! )

basic information .

FULL NAME : guiliana kanya rasananda .

NICKNAME(S) : gigi , lia , liana , ana .

BIRTHDATE + AGE : february 12th + 23 .

ZODIAC : aquarius .

HOMETOWN : new york , ny .

GENDER : cis female .

NATIONALITY : thai - american .

ETHNICITY : thai .

HEIGHT : 5′6″ .

LABEL(S) : the amaranth , the vixen , the trust fund baby , and the princess .

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : biromantic .

SEXUAL ORIENTATION : bisexual .

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN : english , thai , japanese , and learning spanish .

OCCUPATION : socialite , ‘ model ’ , and youtuber / social media influencer .

POSITIVES : clear - headed , assiduous , self - reliant , pragmatic , and cosmopolitan .

NEGATIVES : disputatious , exigent , doctrinaire , selfish , and unscrupulous .

PLAYLIST : roxanne / arizona zervas , bad guy / billie eilish , body / loud luxury ft. brando , nasa / ariana grande , mother’s daughter / miley cyrus , sway with me / saweetie w. galxara , say so / doja cat , mad at me. / kiana ledé , apeshit / the carters , elastic / joey purp , watermelon sugar / harry styles , ain’t my fault / zara larsson , lemon / n.e.r.d. ft. rihanna / nice for what / drake , sugar / brockhampton , icon / jaden smith , zimzalabim / red velvet , come thru / joji , in my head / ariana grande , broke bitch / tiny meat gang , honey / lay , deserve / kris wu ft. travis scott .

biography .

let’s see if we can keep this short , am i right ladies ?

ratana saelim has humble beginnings in bangkok . her parents owned a small restaurant in their neighborhood , and they lived comfortably , but ratana still had to work hard to ensure that she got into college and could stay in college . she often did her homework behind the counter of the restaurant , and eventually went on to attend bangkok university .

she met her future husband at bangkok university , a fellow student named kamnan rasananda . he was studying business while she was studying law . in contrast to ratana , kamnan grew up in an extremely affluent home and was set to inherit his family’s company . he was a year older than ratana , and the two got married after her graduation with her master’s degree . they settled in bangkok following their wedding .

the years passed , and the couple established themselves in their respective fields . kamnan started his own business in real estate and construction , so they decided to expand out of asia and into the states . they made their home new york city , and settled easily into a multi - million dollar penthouse on the upper east side . since they were to focused on their careers , it wasn’t until they reached their mid - thirties when they had their first and only child , a daughter they named guiliana .

guiliana was a beautiful little baby who has an infectious personality while growing up . ratana and kamnan may have been busy people , but they never had an issue with putting work on pause to spend time with their daughter . the couple supported their daughter in everything that she did , and that even included when she turned fourteen and decided that she wanted to start doing youtube videos .

going through high school , guiliana had been a member of the photography and yearbook clubs , and this was at the same time that she started to truly focus on her channel . of course , her content at the time was quite cringy ( shoutout to that one song that everyone used in morning routines ) . as the years passed , she obtained the right equipment to make her content better .

by her senior year of high school , her channel grew to massive numbers . she dropped the makeup videos since she found that she was more interested in fashion than makeup , and was comfortable with sharing her personal style . she got a lot of backlash because she grew up rich and people often felt that she was ‘ flaunting ’ her lifestyle , but really , most of her clothes from the places that were often the rage at the time ( urban outfitters , brandy , etc ) with the occasional luxury piece like a purse or something .

now , she isn’t that active on youtube anymore since she’s grown into more of a socialite , but she’ll still do weekly vlogs , catching up videos , and her fashion videos . despite not being that active , her channel is still growing and has now amassed five million subscribers .

personality .

guiliana has been a part of youtube since she was a fourteen year old , so she’s been able to start ignoring the haters ! quite honestly has the most idgaf attitude towards people who have anything to say about her only showing luxury outfits and such on her channel . that’s all she knows since she grew up in that , but quite frankly she doesn’t care !

out of all of her labels , i’d say she mostly resonates with the trust fund baby . outside of her youtube channel , guiliana doesn’t do much other than spend money and sleep until eleven so don’t expect her to be out there making businesswoman moves .

don’t give her a compliment because what’s the saying ... give her an inch and she’ll take a mile ? that’s guiliana to a T ! she knows that she’s cute and her parents have only ever praised her , so she’s got something of an over inflated ego at times . she can go on and on , so please tell her ass to shut up if she starts taking it too far !

headcanons .

a born and bred new yorker , guiliana doesn’t possess a driver’s license . she gets driven around in a bentley bentayga and when her driver’s not available , she exclusively uses uber black to get around the city .

her style is pretty similar to lisa’s where one day she’s exclusively wearing streetwear , another day she’s a bit more feminine , and then sometimes she’s wearing pieces straight off the runway ! when it comes to her more feminine style i think of the youtuber kerina wang .

she’s most comfortable when she’s in her apartment . usually , she’s only wearing a lingerie set ( not the entire thing ) and lounging around . she’ll throw on a robe or something to answer the door , so just call her ahead of time .

i can’t make up my mind on how guiliana usually has her hair ( since lisa switches between long and short ) so we’ll just say that she gets extensions a lot ! currently , i love her long brown hair so click for reference here .

she has no real plans for the future ? she’s kinda of taking it day by day and enjoying her twenties while she has them . right now her main focus is her instagram and her youtube , and she has no real aspirations to do anything outside of that at the moment .

never leaves the house without wearing a pair of heels ? even when it’s cold outside , she’s wearing ankle boots with a heel or the ever elegant over - the - knee boots .

her go - to drink from starbucks is a cold brew with vanilla sweet cream . she doesn’t drink coffee with sugar .

wanted connections .

i’ll more than likely end up reblogging things into the tag i made for these , but since there’s nothing there right now , i’ll just list off some specifics that i’d love to have ! if none of these are to your taste , we could always brainstorm , work off chemistry , or let me know if there’s something that you think guiliana could fill !

i might end up sending this in to the main , but i’d love to have the fiancé that she left at the altar ! truth be told , i kind of feel as though she may have done it simply because she finally realized that things were moving too fast and she kinda of needed to pump the breaks ? she definitely didn’t do it in the best way , but it could be an interesting relationship / dynamic to explore .

she’s been in new york since forever so i just imagine there being a slew of connections stemming from that ? friendships , rivalries , and romantic connections ! idk why i love them so much , but i’d really love for her to have an ex best friend . we can determine why their friendship ended , but i really love exploring the demise of relationships .

my brain is blanking so 🤠 .

#wealthyhq:intro #shout out to the tnu / swt albums #really got me through this FNJSDBFHDS

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sitonmyhot-seatoflove · 6 years ago

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A Sós - Brian May x Brazilian!Reader

(aka my insanely belated A Night at the Fandom gift for the lovely Ana @bismillahnah. there's an author's note for you at the end, darling! thank you so much @dtfrogertaylor for pulling this together for all of us! you rock! this was amazing! once again, I'm so sorry for being this terribly late)

word count: 3988 words

warnings: some making out, some implied sexual content, lots of cheesiness, a little bit of untranslated Portuguese (it’s set in Brazil!), and some playing fast and loose with the timeline.

Só nós dois e uma madrugada inteira pra conversar / Só nós dois e uma infinidade de Amor pra cantar / Com você o manual da vida fica fácil de ler / Com você a hipótese de uma vida pra ser / Vivida juntos / Nesse e naquele que é só nosso mundo / Um mundo de nós / Eu, você e a existência a sós.

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You were never really one to talk to strangers.

Not this incessantly, at the very least, and certainly not this intimately.

Something about this one made him a little extra special, though.

Maybe it was just that you'd had a couple of drinks, and had gotten free entry to what was supposed to be the best Carnival party of the year - only to be ditched by your best friend when she found someone to make out with in some random corner. You were all alone in the Baile Vermelho e Preto, and hell, it was Carnival - you weren't supposed to be alone.

Maybe it was something about him - maybe the way his curls framed his face and bounced around him as he walked, a little messy and a little frizzy, giving him a frazzled sort of look you couldn't help but find endearing. (It was all the humidity, he'd explained, from being so near the ocean - his hair was usually much tidier.)

Maybe it was how cute he looked when his pointier teeth showed whenever you said something clever. It was nearly addictive, that smile, and from the moment you saw it for the first time, your sole purpose for the rest of the evening was to make sure you could produce it as many times as possible.

Maybe it was the way he'd never lost his temper while trying to communicate with that bartender - even after seven whole minutes of failed attempts to order a different drink, even as there was a line forming behind him, even as he was sweating through his white button-up so much it was sticking to his skinny back. His voice was soft even as he half shouted out his order over the music in a heavily accented Spanish/Portuguese/English blend of a language - and even though everyone behind him seemed annoyed, they all seemed too reluctant to do anything about it. You'd noticed some of them looked almost intimidated - maybe by his height? Maybe by the fact you didn't usually get that many tourists in this part of town? You weren't sure. But, while they all stared and whispered, no one seemed about to step in, and you were a translator, damn it, even if you only did it as a side gig.

He was nine minutes into his attempts to communicate with the bartender when you'd decided to intervene.

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"Ele tá pedindo uma cerveja escura. Tipo Guinness. Se não tiver, ele quer só uma água tônica mesmo." The bartender looked exasperated at your attempt to help. You couldn't blame him - that crowd wasn't exactly the nicest to be around, and the last few minutes probably hadn't helped improve his mood.

"Eu entendi, moça. Tô tentando explicar pra ele que a gente só tem Brahma e água mesmo. É open bar, olha essa fila, pelo amor de Deus..."

"Desculpa, moço. Vê duas Brahmas mesmo." You turned to the tall stranger, who looked dumbfounded by your meddling. "Sorry, buddy, you'll have to make do with light beer and regular water. It's not too bad, though, I promise." You pulled him away by his upper arm - surprisingly toned for such a skinny lad - while holding the two beers in your other hand. He was wide eyed, and you assumed he'd been a bit stunned by your unabashedness.

"I'm-" He paused as he saw the line that had formed behind him. "Jesus. Sorry. Didn't mean to be a prick."

"I know. Figured I'd rescue you both." You offered him his beer and a soft smile, and he looked down at it, looking less than excited to give it a try. "C'mon, now. It won't kill you."

"No, no, I know, I just - not my favorite drink, really, but it'll do," he said, tilting his bottle to clink with your own before taking a tentative sip. "Thank you."

The smile he gave you right then completely changed your entire evening. The only word that your fogged brain could come up with to describe it was magical - you cursed yourself for the cheesiness of it. It really was how it felt, though - from the moment you saw the way his eyes crinkled just a tiny bit, and glowed just a little more than everyone else's, you were done for. And after he took a moment to look at you up and down, apparently taking notice of you for the first time that evening, and his eyes seemed to brighten up at the sight - that was it, this was the best Carnival ever. Never mind your friend, never mind the fact that you'd have to wake up at an ungodly hour. Who could possibly give a shit that your feet were hurting from the pretty shoes you'd chosen when this man was looking at you like that?

His raised eyebrows seemed questioning all of a sudden, and you realized his lips were moving. They had been moving. Cacete, Y/N, acorda, ele tá falando com você, responde-

"Sorry, what?" You ask in response, finally waking from whatever weird type of trance this stranger's very handsome face and unearthly pretty eyes had put you under. "Hard to hear over all the music."

"I said, do you wanna step outside for a smoke?"

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“I swear to God I can speak Spanish.”

The smoking section kinda stunk, you couldn't lie. It was pretty rough - while the front of the building had been spruced up recently, probably for the party, the side, where most smokers had gathered, was all just rough cement with exposed orange brick in some spots. He - Brian, you'd learned, Brian from the UK, an Astrophysicist who was in town for work - leant on that wall while trying to justify his faux pas from earlier. You tried to stay serious, but a little scoff of a laugh escaped your lips at his proclamation. “I’m dead serious! I even spoke Spanish very well to some native speakers last week," he bragged, taking a long drag of his cigarette before speaking. “For work.”

His work was interesting. You were a little confused as to why an Astrophysicist had come to spend so much time in South America - he'd told you he'd been in Venezuela just last week, and Argentina was coming up next - but, really, you weren't complaining, not when it had landed him here, right in front of you.

“What do you do, then?”

“I’m still finishing my degree too," you said. He'd talked a little bit about his unfinished PhD - something about 'various pressures', but he'd been weirdly coy about those. Busy with work, he'd said. “Still on my bachelor’s, though. Wanna be a psychologist.”

“Been analyzing me this whole time, then?”

“Obviously.”

That one got you a smile. Score.

You both were comfortable with each other - weirdly comfortable, as far as your experience with handsome strangers went. Because he wasn't just asking you questions for the sake of asking - when he inquired further about your interest in psychology, he asked about the specifics and couldn't stop asking follow up questions. What you wanted to do with your degree, what type of approach you preferred, whether you actually bought all the stuff Freud had come up with, what was your take on the more recent developments in Cognitive therapy stuff… He also seemed to be knowledgeable in nearly every subject. An hour had passed, you'd noticed, and all you'd done was talk - about your interests, nonetheless. He shifted the subject slightly, only once, interrupting you mid-sentence while you mused at him about the more philosophical aspects of Freudian theories.

“I would like to see you tomorrow.” You were a bit taken aback at the interruption - and his interest - and he noticed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, I just - you're brilliant. And beautiful. And I would like to see you again."

"That's not how Carnival works, Brian." He frowned at that, and you realized that maybe he'd forgotten what this was - where you were, what you were supposed to be doing. You weren't supposed to be discussing philosophy and he wasn't supposed to be taking an interest in your intellect; you were supposed to be making out in some corner, just like your friend had been, both of your names having slipped from one another's mind by the time morning came. "It's usually a one night thing… And I'm busy tomorrow." You were completely busy for the next few weeks, as a matter of fact; a fantastic job opportunity had turned up, but you couldn't help but want, just for a second, to say 'screw it' and give Brian all the time in the world. You could, at the very least, give him the rest of your night, though, so you tried to find a way to stretch your time together a little longer.

"You seen the beach yet?"

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Copacabana was just as beautiful at night, he'd decided. Turns out he had seen the beach, but only in passing - his hotel was a few of blocks from where you two were now, walking aimlessly, slowly, shoes in your hands so you could feel the sand. Just trying to pass the time with one another.

The sky was clear enough for you two to stargaze, too, which gave you a nice little way into his mind, for a change. He marveled at the constellations he'd never get to see back home, and cursed himself for not bringing a telescope along for the trip. You teased him for that - how does an Astrophysicist travel halfway across the globe and doesn't bring a single telescope? But he only shrugged at that, blushing a little and turning your attention to the Southern Crux, bright and beautiful and right above you both.

"Do you think we're ever gonna have a real answer?" He didn't seem to get your question, so you expanded. "I mean, do you think your lot - the hard scientists, I mean - do you think you guys will ever be able to tell us why we're here after all? What it all means?"

"Science's really good at the 'what's and the 'how's, but it doesn't have much to say about the 'whys'," he replied, thoughtful as ever, sounding a little more confident now that you'd switched lanes and were talking about his specialty, rather than yours. The way his voice had shifted was more attractive to you than anything else about him so far. "Neither should it, I reckon." He shrugged. "And I don't think we can ever come up with those types of answers. We know so little, as much as we like to pretend otherwise. I mean, think about it, we only know the size of the observable universe," he said as his eyes shifted upwards, "we can hypothesize all we want about what's on the outside of that, but, truth is, we have no bloody clue."

"Great, that's not nerve wracking at all."

"It's kinda nice, if you think about it. We're tiny specks in a tiny world, which is a tiny speck in our Solar System, which is a tiny speck in our galaxy, which is a tiny speck in the part of the universe we know." He shrugged once again. "Puts things in perspective, you know? I mean, how special are we, really? But, then again, maybe we are. Maybe the Christians are right. I don't know."

"You think there's life out there?"

"Well, you ever heard of the Drake equation?"

God, you could hear him talk for hours. Even if it was about numbers. You did hear him talk for hours - and he heard you, too. About psychology again, sure - why you'd chosen it, and why you'd become passionate, and all the professors you hated and all the ones you loved. But things got a little more personal, too. You talked about how you'd moved up to Rio from the South because they had the best Psych school in the country, and while you really missed your family, you'd fallen in love with what you believed was the most beautiful city on Earth. How you liked the beach, but Copacabana was overrated - "it's touristy and there's prettier places" - and, really, you preferred the short stretches of woods you could find in the local parks. He kept up with everything you said, and your conversation moved so quickly you couldn't really tell how you'd skipped from one subject to another. He could discuss the complexities of Nabokov and the psychological analysis you'd done of his characters, laugh at a stupid pun you'd made about the ocean, and show real interest in your passion of history all in a matter of minutes.

"And there's this really swanky café," you said, while doing your best to give him a mental tour of Rio's historic downtown, "it's called Cafeteria Colombo. Bit touristy, but I'm into it. They're really traditional - the Emperor of Brazil supposedly used to eat there, which is kinda ludicrous but super fun at the same time."

"Take me there." You looked confused - it was the middle of the night, and you opened your mouth to explain that it wasn't exactly a 24-hour joint, but he beat you to it. "Tomorrow - let's go there tomorrow. My treat."

"I... don't think so, Brian."

"It's the least I can do after you saved me at the bar." You chuckled a little at that. "And introduced me to the best damn light beer I've ever had." You actually let out a full-bellied laugh, and he seemed satisfied to see it. "Let me see you again, Y/N. Buy you a cuppa."

And you wanted to, but that's not what this was. You had to keep it in mind, and he had to get it into his - it was not what this was. He beat you to your argument before you could even protest, though.

"I don't care how Carnival works." He stopped walking. "You can't possibly believe this is a one night thing, Y/N."

"You should really be more respectful of the holiday traditions, Brian."

He didn't have an answer for that, which made you a little disappointed. Still, you'd meant what you'd said - he was leaving in a couple of weeks, and you knew that if you got to see him again - if you got to hang out with him for any longer than a single night - you'd serve him your heart in a silver platter to take across the ocean without hesitating. Hell, you'd been with him for a few hours and already felt tempted enough to do it.

You kept walking in silence, the air feeling a little heavier from the higher rise and from the way you'd shut him down again. Before you could come up with something else to say - anything, puta merda, Y/N, inventa qualquer coisa pra falar - he moved his hand and placed it over yours, and you swore your heart started wanting to jump out of your body and physically reach over to him.

"Can you ever feel your heart in your ears?" You blurted out and immediately cursed yourself; he laughed a little, though, and had a surprised expression on his face when you dared to look over. "Sorry, that was stupid."

"It wasn't." You stared at him in mock seriousness, pointedly. "I swear." He was smiling at you, and at this point, you couldn't help but smile back. His eyes lingered on your lips for a half second too long. "Why'd you ask?" You stopped walking again, a little too stunned at his bluntness to keep going. Wasn't it obvious why you'd asked? "Can you feel yours now?" He asked, his voice softer than ever.

"Yeah."

He placed both hands - God, he had really large hands - on either side of your head, fingertips playing a little with your earlobes. "Well, your ears are hot."

"Well, you're not exactly helping with that right now, are you?" You wrapped your hands around his wrists, hoping to feel a quickened pulse, hoping to God his heartbeat was as strong and erratic as yours was right now. Did his heart want to come find you, too?

"How do I ask 'May I kiss you?' in Portuguese?"

"Eu posso te beijar?"

He tries to repeat it, and something comes out - it sounds more like Spanish than Portuguese, but you forgive him the second you look into his eyes. You thought you could get lost in them - Jesus Christ, where the hell were these romcom thoughts coming from? You could, though, you swore you could, and that looking straight at them felt like plunging deep into the ocean, and ugh, that particular thought was made so much cheesier by the fact that you were right by the ocean - and wait, puta merda, he was looking at you - at your lips, then back at your eyes, then back at your lips - very expectantly. Right, he had asked you something, you were supposed to say something, even though you were honestly about to go blind from how warm his hands felt on your face. "Close enough," you managed to whisper out, your swirly mind getting swirlier by the second as this beautiful stranger pulled you in.

His kiss felt huge - bigger than the both of you, bigger than tonight, certainly bigger than Carnival. That's the only way you could describe it. His lips were soft on yours, and as you opened your mouth with a gasp, you could taste a tiny bit of Brahma on his tongue. It was mostly mint and ocean salt and cigarettes and him, all around you, his tall body enveloping you and somehow putting your brain in a haze where time seemed to move outside of reality. There was nothing other than you and Brian and, for all you knew, Copacabana was the whole world.

You were trembling by the time you'd stopped kissing, and, as he moved his hands to encircle your waist, he was trembling too. You were giddy to notice it. He seemed giddy just from kissing you.

“Let me see you tomorrow.”

“Can’t live in the moment, can you?” You teased, pulling him back into you and playfully biting at his lip to get your point across.

You quietly inquired, in between warm kisses, where he was staying, again - wasn't it close by? And, wouldn't you know it, his hotel was just a block away from where you were standing right now.

And, well, that had to be kismet, right?

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His suite was fancy - too fancy for an Astrophysicist, and you might have realized that, maybe, if you weren't so otherwise distracted by his lips, seemingly all over you at once, setting your skin alight one peck at a time. By the time he started using his tongue on your neck, you were done for - nothing would come out of your mouth that night other than kisses and loving and strangled moans of his name, which happened by the minute. He seemed to love it - every time you said his name, he was a little spurred on, grabbed at you with a little more force, and, in turn, you loved that. Every time he said yours, your stomach did somersaults. You hoped you sounded as sweet to him as he did to you.

He fell asleep before the sun rose, and your heart sank a little at the thought of leaving his embrace and making your way back into reality. You tried to commit everything to memory - the smell of the crook of his neck, the curve of his tiny bottom, the pattern of the freckles on his upper back, the way he sighed in his sleep when you scratched his scalp, the freaking hotel logo on the face towel in the bathroom - absolutely anything you could get your senses to grasp at. You had to make sure you had a full picture to come back to, otherwise you feared you might think it was all an alcohol induced illusion of some sort. Besides, he looked so pretty while he slept, so that's how you chose to remember him - the crease between his eyebrows gone completely, lips slightly parted, drool starting to come out, hair more frazzled than ever.

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It was always great working with musicians - you liked talking to artists, you'd always get to see their shows for free and, as part of the 'entourage', you'd always get some damn good amenities - and this was an especially sweet gig. Queen was the biggest client you'd ever gotten - their original translator got sick and, when a producer friend of yours had referred you, you were more than happy to step in for them. The four members would need a translator to work closely with them for the next couple of weeks, and you couldn't have been more excited to run around town with rockstars for a longer stretch of time, especially while on break from school. It was perfect, really - good pay, good gig, and, hopefully, some good company.

You tried to keep this in mind - to conjure up how excited you'd been when you'd gotten the job; how, because of it, you had been able to buy tickets to go home for Holy Week; how excited your family had sounded on the phone. This was worth it, you thought, it was worth not seeing Brian again. He would go back to the UK so soon anyway - it was just a fling, just a sweet memory you had to lock up in a little box and keep in the back of your brain for now.

And you did. You did such a good job at compartmentalizing you only thought of him once during your morning shower. Once again while making your coffee - you wondered how he took his, or if maybe he was a tea drinker. He was British. But maybe that was just a stereotype? Maybe he loved coffee, maybe he took it with three spoons of sugar just like you did. You wished you'd stayed long enough to find out.

You did a great job of keeping him out of your mind while commuting to the convention center all the way across town where you'd be meeting the band. You were running late on your first day, which was less than ideal, and the anxiety of it kept your thoughts stuck on the traffic and on your watch. They couldn't fire you on the first day, could they? You'd assumed most journalists at the press conference would be ready to ask in English, but you never really knew - Brazilian journalism could be unpredictable. They still needed you. You were fine, you were not going to get fired, and you were certainly not going to be distracted by the memory of the tall, handsome, unattainable man you'd left in bed that morning.

You were so consumed by your thoughts - your non-Brian thoughts - and the desperate need not to be late that you ran inside the venue, not bothering to take a second glance at the journalists setting up in the main area or at the Queen poster someone had put up near the entrance to the meeting room a staff member directed you to.

In retrospect, paying a little more attention might have saved you a lot of grief, or, at the very least, a hell of a scare. It would have been shocking to see Brian looking down at you from the huge poster right outside the room your new client was supposed to be in - but it was a much bigger shock to walk in and find the man himself, staring at you, eyes wider than ever, dropping his half-drunk tea on the carpet.

Well, you thought, guess he's a tea drinker.

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A/N: oi, Ana! espero que você goste do seu presente. não sei se você já sacou, mas eu sou brasileira kkkk e, como boa brasileira, tô chegando bemmmm atrasada por aqui com sua fic. desculpa o atraso, de verdade. não sou uma escritora necessariamente boa, mas juro que a fic foi feita com muito carinho - eu quase pirei quando recebi você no sorteio e vi que você era brasileira!! fiquei mandando mensagem em inglês pra manter o sigilo e não estragar a surpresa.

o título da fic e a inspiração vieram de uma música do Rizzih, como você deve ter percebido (aliás, não conhecia ele! fiquei super feliz de conhecer um artista novo). na real, eu tava querendo fazer uma fic com uma Reader brasileira e tradutora faziam décadas, e achei seu presente a oportunidade perfeita pra explorar esse relacionamento e essa personagem. ainda tenho algumas aventuras planejadas pra ela e pro Bri (um dos motivos da demora foi justamente o fato de que eu queria que essa fic fosse três ou quatro vezes mais longa, mas resolvi dividir em partes e ir postando conforme for conseguindo escrever). como as sequências não vão tecnicamente fazer parte do seu presente, apesar de serem da mesma história, me avisa se você quiser ser marcada quando eu postar! eu amei conhecer um pouquinho mais sobre você durante esse mês e espero poder conhecer mais ainda daqui pra frente. mil abraços e, novamente, espero que você goste! com muito amor, sua amiga oculta, finalmente podendo falar com você em português - S (🕺🏻)

#brian may x reader #brian may imagine #brian may x reader imagine #brian may fanfic #queen fanfic #brian may fluff #brian may x reader fanfic #s practices low stakes mediocrity #one-shot

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scornedlove · 5 years ago

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Chapter Twenty-Six

ROBYN

”What now” I groaned, putting out the blunt I was smoking to answer the door. I just poured my second glass of Moscato, and was about to get comfortable on the couch, but apparently I wasn't gonna get any peace today. After all this drama, I just wanted a moment and a blunt to myself. Before opening the door, I looked out the peep hole and was the least bit surprised when I realized who it was.

“What is it Dre?” I asked, cracking the door enough to see his face.

“If that mother fucker comes back, you need to get a restraining order on him!” he commanded, inviting himself in. I figured he'd be upset, but not enough to come back.

“I appreciate you looking out for me, but don’t do that again. Why are you here?”

“To make sure you’re okay. He ain’t putting his hands on you is he?”

“No, he ain’t crazy. It really wasn't that serious, I'm fine.” I rolled my eyes before sparking the blunt back up. I took a long drag and blew a cloud in his direction, knowing how much he hated when I smoked. Maybe he'd take the hint and dismiss himself.

“Fuck that. It is that serious. You don’t see what he’s doing to your mental health, but I do. You stay high or drunk, trying to mask whatever hurt you won’t let go. Which obviously isn’t working. If you keep fucking with him you’re going to continue to go downhill. I promise you, if I see him over here again, I’m kicking his ass.”

"Woah, chill out Dr. Graham. You don’t even know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“I’m not stupid Ana, I know he’s the reason you lost your shit last night.”

“It’s not what you think”

“Oh, it’s not what I think? Well enlighten me.”

“Aundre, I'm over it, so drop it. I don't want to talk about it” I stated, turning away from him. I left him by the door and went to the kitchen to refill my wineglass, but when I turned around, he was right on my tail.

"Alright, you don’t wanna talk about that so let's talk about how horny yo ass was last night." He retorted blocking me by the kitchen counter.

"I thought you said we didn't fuck"

"We didn't, but that ain't stop you from getting yours"

"Sorry...Its been a while" I shrugged, after realizing what he meant.

"It didn't have to be"

"Aundre-”

“Tell me you would be mad if I laid you on this counter and stroked you from the back until I found our favorite sweet spot. You obviously miss it as much as I do.” he stated, closing the distance between us.

“I....I don’t want to ruin our friendship” I stammered, taking another long drag before putting my blunt back out. I turned around and attempted to maneuver around him, but he wasn’t letting me out that easily.

"We've already crossed lines that can't be undone. Just let me take care of you. I can show you how a man is supposed to love a woman.” he pleaded as he slid his right hand across my breast and began to pinch my nipple through the thin shirt I was wearing. That’s all it took for me to give in and stop resisting. His left hand began to creep up my thigh while his breathing tickled my spine, driving me crazy. It felt so good to be touched. He was almost inside my panties when someone else knocked on my door, scaring the shit out of me.

“Stop” I paused, hoping whoever it was would leave. Only they knocked again, even harder this time.

“It’s me, open up” Mel called out between knocks. I pulled away from Dre, pushed him towards the back of the house, and smoothed out my clothes before opening the door for her.

“Why you knocking like the damn police?”

“Bitch, I been blowing yo shit up since last night. I got off the plane half an hour ago and rushed over here because I was worried about you, and you lookin fresh out the salon!”

“Calm down. I broke my phone last night” I explained, breaking from her tight embrace.

“Well I called your house too”

“I just got her-”

“What’s up Mel” Dre interrupted, coming from the bathroom. “Or shall I sall Mrs. Coleman”

“Oh hey Dre. What ya’ll got up?” she asked, looking from him to me, then giving me the side eye.

“Nothing, just-”

“He was just leaving” I exclaimed, cutting Dre off before he said something to get her started.

“Yeah, I was just leaving. Call me if you need me to come back” he added, leaning in to kiss me. I turned, giving him my cheek and rushed him out the door, hoping Mel didn't notice.

“Uh, what was that?” she asked, the moment I’d closed the door.

“What?”

“Don’t bring him into this back and forth shit you got going on with Chris. You know what, we’ll get to that later, what I really want to know is what happened between you and Rayven?”

“I don’t know, I was drunk as fuck last night. Wait, how do you know about Rayven?”

“Out of all people, she called me crying and said you flipped out on her last night. She was in her room watching TV and you picked a fight with her about Chris. Next thing she knew, you were choking her.“

”She gotta be exaggerating. I don’t remember any of that shit. “

”Nah. You fucked her up, look at these pictures she sent me" she stated pulling out her phone.

“Damn” I grimaced when I saw the black eye, busted lip, and bruises on her face and neck. I refused to believe I did all that. Was I harboring that much hate for her? “There’s no way I would beat her ass unprovoked. She must’ve done or said something to get that type of reaction from me.”

“Honestly, I don’t care or even feel bad for her. I’m glad you finally gave her that ass whooping she needed” she admitted with a chuckle. “Just be grateful she didn’t call the police on you.”

“I’m grateful she’s gone. I’m tired of babysitting, hopefully she went home”

“So you gonna tell me what’s going on?” she asked, before setting her purse on the counter and lighting up the blunt that was in the ashtray. We smoked while I filled her in on the drama from the past twenty-four hours, none of it was surprising to her.

“How many times will it take him stepping on your heart for you to realize he ain’t shit?” she quizzed, referring to Chris. “Not only that, but you’re gonna fuck around and get Dre’s ass beat by Chris. I love Dre and all, but Chris is kinda psycho. I’ve seen him mad before.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen both of em pissed, and that’s not a fight I want to witness. Anyway, it wont get that far, because I’m over this shit. I’m done with the back and forth and Chris can burn in hell for how he treated me.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all-”

“I’m serious Mel. He’s gonna pay for it too, imma make sure of that.”

“What you mean”

“I have Shontae’s contact info. I’m telling her everything”

“What’s everything?”

“Everything he’s done to me, she deserves to know, and I know Chris ain’t told her shit”

“Well, what you going to do if she already knows? He’s supposed to be this changed man, so he probably already told her”

“Yeah right, Chris ain’t told her shit.”

“You don’t know that. I know you’re hurt sis, but I think this is a bad idea. You should let it go and let him go. Having that much hostility towards him just means your not over him, that’s why I mean it when I say don’t bring Dre back into your drama. He was heartbroken when you dropped him a while back, he finally stopped asking me about you like a month ago.”

“Well excuse me, I didn’t know you and Dre were tight like that”

“No, Dre and J are tight like that. I’m surprised he’s sticking up for you after you used him like a boy toy then tossed him to the side. Those were his words, by the way.”

“He said that?” I frowned with irritation. “See that’s why I can’t stand men. They’re never satisfied and always in their feelings.”

“Not all men, but you should definitely leave those two alone. Stop running in circles and meet someone new.”

“I’m not worried about no man. After dealing with all this shit, I’d rather be single.”

“I’m telling you, all you need is a good cuddy buddy or two. Have fun and stop taking shit so serious. You will be so much happier.” she advised, checking her watch for the umpteenth time. “I caught an earlier flight when I couldn't get in touch with you last night, so J doesn't know I'm back yet. If I’m going to surprise him, I have to beat him home from work.”

“Ok, thanks for coming to check on me” I added, walking her to the door.

“Of course, and I mean it when I say don’t bother that girl. That’s asking for bad news.”

“I’ll think about it, but I’m not making any promises I can’t keep” I shrugged.

“Well think hard, because I don’t want to hear shit else that’s Chris related” she ordered, before hugging me goodbye.

I watched her get in the car and drive off, while her advice echoed in my mind. Maybe she had a point with this cuddy buddy thing. Dre left my hormones in shambles, and the fact that I'm already in a dry spell only intensified it. I needed someone to release all this excitement on.

Just when I was about to go inside, a moving truck pulled up in front of my neighbor’s yard. Four men jumped out and began unloading boxes and furniture, so I decided to stay on the porch and be nosy for awhile.

My block was pretty quiet and full of older people, so I was glad to be getting new neighbors. The last guy was an old perve and my other next door neighbor is an old cat lady. Hopefully the new neighbor would be a closer to my age.

I watched the movers work hard and fast, but the boxes were never ending. They were all drenched in sweat in no time, but the one doing most of the work seemed to be really enjoying himself. He must’ve had headphones in, because he would randomly belt out in song while busting a dance move.

I was laughing hard as hell at his lack of rhythm when he finally realized I was watching. He smiled showing his pearly whites and nodded at me, so I returned a friendly wave.

He began walking in my direction, and I could make out his face a little better. He was cute enough for a hit and quit to help me get over this dry spell. Plus, he was my neighbor's mover, it's not like I'd ever see him again.

The closer he became, the more I set my mind a quick fuck. He didn't even know what he was walking into, and by the way he licked his lips, I knew he didn't stand a chance against my hidden agenda.

CHRIS

“Okay, okay. I’m up.” I muttered at Diamond as she bit at my toes, trying to wake me. Last night was the Day of the Dead event for the gallery and I didn’t get in until early this morning. I was so tired, I crashed on the first couch I stumbled across.

I was rubbing the sleep from my eyes when Diamond started barking, so I got up to let her impatient ass out. When I opened the door, Ryan was standing there about to knock, but was practically ran over by Diamond instead.

“My bad, she’s really got to go. What are you doing here?” I asked, letting her in. We hadn’t kicked it since she started hanging with Anthony. She had to know he wasn’t staying here anymore.

“It’s about Anthony”

“Oh, he came to get the rest of his shit a couple of weeks ago. I don’t know where he’s staying now”

“He’s at my place. I told him he could stay for a few days, but it didn’t even take him that long to hop in Kiki’s bed. Now she’s dickmatized and I can’t get him to leave.”

“Wow, he’s fuckin your roommate?” I asked surprised. He was just talking about how much he missed Ryan, so I didn't see that one coming.

“Yeah, I should’ve known he would do this. I feel so stupid for falling for his cunning ass. I thought he would at least have an ounce of respect for me, but I was fooling myself.”

“Talk to your girl, she’s probably your best bet at getting him to leave”

“I tried that already. She’s the one who convinced him to stay. I hate her for fucking with him, but I hate myself even more. I guess that's my karma, I shouldn’t have done the same thing to you. I’m sorry.” she mumbled, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"Don't worry about it"

“It’s just… Don’t you miss our talks?“ she asked, sliding her hand down my arm and resting it on mine. I quickly pulled away, putting some distance between us so there would be no confusion. I wasn’t even remotely interested in her.

“I’m not tripping on that. It’s not like we wer-”

“I know, but still. It was wrong and now I’m paying for it. You would’ve never slept with a friend of mine. I should’ve just stuck with you” she blurted. Her eyes widened as she searched for my reaction to her confession, but truth is, it didn’t faze me.

“I can’t even pretend to be interested in someone who’s been with one of my boys. Like I said before, I’m not tripping. How do you expect me to get Anthony to leave your place?” I asked, cutting to the chase.

“I don’t know, threaten to kick his ass. He listens to you."

"I hate to break it to you like this, but I have a girl now, I can’t get involved in y'all’s shit.”

“Oh” she frowned as I opened the door and whistled for Diamond. Usually she’d come running in within seconds, but this time she didn’t. I went out and called her several times and still nothing.

“Want me to drive around the block and see if I can find her?” Ryan offered, before she took off and I gladly accepted.

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll stay here and keep calling her. She’s never done this before, hopefully she’ll come back” I explained, before continuing my search down the sidewalk.

Ryan drove through the neighborhood, while I walked up and down my block for an hour, but Diamond was nowhere to be found.

“I should’ve kept my eyes on her” I muttered after explaining to Tae that Diamond was gone.

“Don’t beat yourself up, maybe she just wanted to do some exploring. Put her bowl outside, she might come home eventually.” She suggested.

As soon as we hung up, I took her advice, but after a couple of weeks a raccoon found the food instead. I didn’t realize how attached I’d gotten to Diamond, but since she disappeared I noticed how lonely and depressing my life was.

I’d rush home after work, in case she was waiting for me. It was pitiful, but it’s not like I had anywhere else to be. Trey was in full blown honeymoon phase, so it’s not like I could blame him for wanting to be up under his wife 24/7. I made the crazy move of being committed to a long-distance relationship, so it’s not like date night was in the question.

Shante worked so much, that we only talked late at night. On top of that, she was always tired, so our talks seemed to get shorter with each phone call. I couldn’t help but to question whether this long-distance shit was worth losing another chance with Robyn. All I had to do was break it off with Tae and Robyn and I could’ve picked up where we left off. Only this time, I’d do everything right.

I’d been lying on the sofa for at least a half hour, lost in thought about the what ifs, when my phone interrupted my thoughts. Guilt rushed over me when Tae’s name popped up on the screen.

“Hey babe” I answered after sitting up and clearing my throat.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Why?” I asked, wondering how she knew something was off.

“You’ve been in your feelings since Diamond’s been gone. I know you miss her, I just wish I could make it better”

“You can. Come see me. You know I’m lonely as fuck.”

“Aww baby. You know I would if I could, but this is the busiest time of year for me.”

“Yeah, I know. You got time to Facetime?” I quizzed, willing to settle for a video chat.

"Not really. I’m on break, but I only have one more client tonight. Imma go home, shower, and I’ll Facetime you when I’m done” she promised before we hung up. The moment I hung up with Tae, Taylor called.

“What you got up tonight?” He asked as he smacked in my ear.

“Not shit. What the hell you eating like that?”

“Bbq and buffalo wings. I was high as hell so I had my chef make a big ass pan of em. Come hang, I know you haven’t had a home cooked meal since Mama and ya girl been gone" he teased, cracking himself up.

"Alright. Send me the address” I replied after debating on it. Not only was he right about the home cooked meal, but I also hadn’t been out in a couple of months, so I got up, showered, then headed out to his place.

I thought I had a bachelor pad, but my place was nothing compared to his. He had a four-bedroom, five-bathroom house with the works sitting on a quarter acre above Sunset Blvd. I was impressed and a little jealous all at once, but when he told me it was one of the things he inherited when his mother passed, I felt bad. No amount of money could replace my mama.

We ate and had a couple of beers before I kicked his ass in pool a couple of times. It didn’t take long for him to get sick of losing, so we got on the PlayStation. After I kicked his ass in basketball, he was over that too.

“You wanna go for a ride?” He asked, leading me through his garage. He rummaged around a drawer, then tossed me what he’d been looking for.

“You sure?” I asked, realizing it was the key to his Harley Davidson.

“You know how to ride?”

“Yeah, it’s been a minute tho”

“It’s still the same” he reassured me before starting up his Yamaha. He took off out of his garage and I followed suit, right on his tail. It wasn’t my first time riding, but I was no pro either.

We rode around the streets of Beverly Hills for a couple of hours and I actually had a blast. He taught me how to do donuts and pop wheelies. I caught on quickly and even popped a wheelie while going 70 mph. It was exhilarating and I’d definitely found my new addiction.

“You should’ve seen me whipping” I boasted to Tae, still high from the rush the drive gave me. I’d just made it in when she called me back, this time on video. Actually seeing her face while we talked made all the uncertainty I’d had earlier disappear.

“You’re gonna have to get your own so you can take me for a ride next time I visit” she suggested, talking through a yawn. She was tired as usual and her hair was a mess, but she was still sexy. That made me miss her even more.

“Speaking of visiting, when are you coming to see me again?”

“You know that I can’t. Not any time soon, so stop asking”

“I’m just saying I miss you.”

“Sorry. I’m just, you know, tired. It’s making me cranky”

“I can have Tina do some rearranging on my schedule so I can visit you for a few days.”

“That’s cool, but with the holidays around the corner, I’ve been at work 24/7. I wouldn’t even be able to spend time with you.”

“Not even on Thanksgiving? I know you’re off for Thanksgiving. I’d be cool with coming out there for one night.”

“I work Thanksgiving too. A couple of my clients are high profile models. They have a shoot that weekend and Thanksgiving is the only day I could squeeze them in. It’s a fantasy color, which means it’s going to take at least half a day.”

“Wow. You just ain’t fucking with me anymore huh?”

“Don’t say that. You know that’s not true. I love you, I just... I can’t lose my best clients and I’d hate for you to come out here and not get to spend much time with me.”

“You know...you can tell me if you change your mind about this long distance thing.”

“I haven’t and I won’t. Why would you even say that?”

“It’s obvious you’re losing interest.”

“I miss you just as much as you miss me, if not more. Stop overthinking things. I’ve just been busy, I promise. When things slow down, I’ll be out there on the first thing smoking.” she reassured me, making me feel silly.

She was right. All of the alone time I’ve had lately had me overthinking and now I was acting like the needy boyfriend. If this is meant to be, then I won’t have to force it. I know what I have to do now, fall back and give her some space.

#robyn rihanna fenty #chris brown #ff #fanfiction #fanfic #RiRi

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nekoabi · 6 years ago

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On the Verge of a Heartbreak - Chapter 22

Things are really picking up now!!

Pairings: Moxiety Words: 3452 Warnings: Panic attack/Anxiety attack. Anything else, please let me know!

Summary: Virgil is worried and stressed, but his music lessons give him somewhere to escape to.

Virgil was completely unaware as to what had occurred over the weekend with Patton and a bunch of their friends, but he could get the feeling something was just a little bit off or was different.

It was almost as if he could feel each of them watching his and Patton’s every move, trying to catch them as they were talking alone. At least twice on that first Monday, Virgil had rounded a corner to catch Abigal peeking around it. She managed to laugh it off and come up with some sort of excuse, but Virgil could see past it easily.

He was definitely a little suspicious and more than a little unnerved by this all. He approached Ana about it, but they had no idea what was going on and hadn’t really noticed any difference, so Virgil started to doubt himself just a little.

This behaviour continued for weeks with Virgil getting more and more paranoid as the days wore on. Thankfully, he had his space to escape to twice a week with his music lessons.

Virgil pushed open the sound-proof door and immediately felt a sense of relief wash over him. No one would come and spy on him here, none of them would be staring at him and noting down his every move. He could truly relax.

He was a little early, having headed straight there once school had ended, so he set himself down with his guitar and just started to ensure his instrument was tuned properly.

Virgil adored his guitar. If someone were to ask him what he would save if his entire house caught on fire, he would likely reply with his guitar. It was something he was good at, something that he could do to get his mind off everything else in the world, it was something he was in control of. He practiced and cleaned it every day. It was necessary since it was a black guitar, meaning that even the smallest speck of dust or fingerprint would show up, but he loved so dearly that he was happy to simply hold it in his hands.

After checking everything, Virgil leant the instrument against the piano that sat in the room and dug around in his bag for the tattered notebook he still used. He found it and carefully set it up on the music stand of the piano, opening it to a page full of scribbles and doodles. After double checking the notebook was secure, Virgil picked up the guitar once more and began to play.

He easily got lost in the sound. This song had been years in the making. Sure, some of the lyrics didn’t work anymore but they did at the time he wrote them, and he really liked the way they sounded. He was finding it was almost finished, but he was just stuck on small details. A few notes stuck out to him and he wanted to change it, some of the words didn’t flow as well as he liked, but he was getting there.

Virgil didn’t even notice that he’d begun to sing the words under his breath as he practiced and played with the music. He took a pause to dig around in his bag for a pencil in order to change something in his book.

“That was adorable, Virgil.”

Virgil almost screamed as he jumped violently, his body flinging onto the floor as he toppled off the stool in an attempt to turn around and sit up at the same time.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!” The voice squeaked, fear lacing every word, “I-I’ll just, just go.”

“No, it’s… it’s okay. You just surprised me.” Virgil was winded from his fall, but he still reassured the person standing in the doorway.

They looked at him cautiously, “Are you sure?”

“Ayana, it’s cool. Just, warn a guy next time? You’re so quiet.” Virgil laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

Ayana closed the door carefully, “Sorry…”

Virgil clambered up to sit back on the stool, checking over his guitar that had fallen in the chaos, “Ayana, apologies?”

“I know…” The girl ducked her head, her long hair falling around her like a curtain, shielding her from the world, “I don’t need to say sorry so much…”

They shared a gentle smile as Ayana seated herself on the piano stool, pulling out her own guitar. She was checking it was tuned properly when her eyes caught the notebook that still sat open on the piano. As nervous as she was, Ayana felt comfortable enough with Virgil to lean in and get a closer look. She only read a couple of the lines before she realised this was the song she’d walked in on Virgil playing.

“So… what’s this song for?” She asked, her curiosity not yet satiated.

Virgil quickly but carefully grabbed his notebook and put to his side, his cheeks turning redder with each passing second, “It’s nothing, just something I’m messing around with.”

Ayana flinched at his sudden movement, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry… It’s just… it was beautiful…” She looked up through her hair again, “It sounded like you were addressing someone…”

Virgil looked away and scoffed, face burning brightly even through his usual layer of foundation, “Uh, why would I do that?”

Ayana shrugged and made a soft non-committal noise, turning her attention back to her own guitar, “Maybe you have someone you care about… and you want to tell them… and the best way, you feel, is through music…” She strummed a few notes, her body visibly relaxing. She continued on to play a song.

Virgil watched her through the corner of his eye for a moment, before turning to fully look at the girl. He’d noticed over the years that they’d shared music lessons that Ayana became a totally different person when she played music; she became confident, at ease, relaxed, and it inspired Virgil - not that he’d say it aloud. He understood her, music made him feel entirely different. The only way Virgil could describe it is that he felt like he lived in a different world when he played any instrument, but Ayana was the one to truly show him what that looked like to the outside world. He wanted to show that to people, show people the power that music could have and what it can do to a person, how it can help those struggling the most.

A sudden snap and off-key note snapped both of the students out of their music-induced haze. They stared at the now broken guitar string in surprise. Ayana turned into a statue, looking at the broken string like it was about to attack her and she had nowhere to go.

“Ayana? Are you alright?” Virgil asked gently, trying to catch her eyes once he’d noticed she wasn’t doing so well.

Her voice sounded a little watery, “My brother’s going to kill me. Oh my god. Oh my god, I’m so dead.” Ayana started to ramble, just repeated over and over how she was doomed, how upset her brother was going to be, all the bad things that were going to happen to her. Tears began spilling down her face, splashing onto the polished wood of the guitar and her legging-covered legs.

Virgil wasn’t sure how to handle this situation. He was only now able to handle his own panic attacks, but he’d never tried to help anyone else. He knew he had to try, especially as Ayana’s body began to shudder and rock back and forth. Virgil knelt down in front of her, gently placing a hand on her knee before walking her slowly through some calming exercises he’d been taught by his therapist.

Once she’d calmed enough to stop repeating and was breathing properly, Virgil reached into his guitar cover, “You know, if you need to replace it, I have spares.” Virgil held up the small ring of guitar strings that he’d fished out from the front pocket.

Ayana looked at him as though he were an angel sent down to save her in this exact moment. She let him take the guitar from her grip and he got to work replacing the broken string. She watched over his shoulder as he went about restringing the instrument, “Are you sure it’s okay? I don’t want to take your things…”

Virgil breathed out a laugh, “It’s fine, honestly. I offered and you were completely out of it and upset. There’s no way I’m letting you leave being so freaked out.” Behind him, he could just about make out Ayana’s soft ‘thank you’. It took very little time before the instrument was back in Ayana’s hands, “There, as if nothing ever happened.”

The boy moved to sit back up in the stool, his eyes catching on his beaten-up notebook. He glanced between Ayana and his book, thinking hard. Did he want to involve her? He knew she wouldn’t tell on him or spread it around and he could use a second opinion… especially considering…

“Hey, Ayana?”

The girl lifted her head. She was in the middle of retuning the guitar and Virgil felt a little guilty interrupting her.

“Can… you help me?”

The shy girl looked at him in surprise. “Me? Are you sure?” At Virgil’s nod, she put the guitar down, resting it up against the other side of the piano, “I, I can try… What is it?”

Virgil moved his stool closer to Ayana’s and flicked open his notebook to that page he had open when she’d walked in, “First, you have to promise to not tell anyone about this, okay?”

Ayana nodded and held out her hand, pinkie finger extended. Virgil couldn’t help but grin at her playfulness. He linked his finger around hers and they shook on it.

“Okay, so… this song,” He held the double page open between them, “It is for someone… It’s, kinda… for Patton…”

Ayana made a soft squeal-like noise, “That makes it even more precious…”

Virgil ignored her, “And, I’m kinda just… stuck, y’know. Some of these words don’t work, and some of the notes just… feel… wrong. And I don’t know how to end it… Do you think you could help?”

“Can I…?” The younger girl asked, indicating she wanted to hold the notebook. Virgil released it to her, watching every moment she took intensely. He appreciated that she was so careful with it, as if she might cause it to dissolve by handling it too much. He watched as she pulled her hair away from her face to read the book she’d placed across her lap. There was a fairly long nervous silence as Virgil waited for her to speak again.

“Can I hear it again? Is that okay, Virgil?” Ayana asked suddenly. She followed it up almost immediately with, “It’s completely fine if you don’t want to. I just think, it would be easier to hear it, see how it plays, how you play it, all that. But it’s fine, really, you don’t have to. I was just wondering!”

Virgil laughed again, used to her sudden nervous outbursts. He picked up his guitar and positioned himself comfortably, “It’s cool, I don’t mind playing. I did ask you to help.”

He took a steading breath to calm the nerves that were buzzing around inside him. This would be the first time anyone but himself had heard this song, he never practised it out loud when his parents were home for fear of them asking questions or talking about it to Patton. But this was his chance, and he knew he shouldn’t waste it.

So, he began to play. He played the song just as he’d written it, all the bits he wasn’t a huge fan of and all the bits he loved. He felt himself getting lost into the music once again, but this time he wasn’t alone. Virgil knew Ayana was there with him. Part way through, he glanced up and saw her sat in front of him with her eyes closed, moving in time with his playing. Virgil found it endearing and continued.

The song ended abruptly. Virgil lay his hand down on the strings, quieting them. He raised his other hand to scratch at the back of his neck, “So, yeah… you can see that it’s, kinda unfinished…”

Ayana’s eyes now shone as she looked at him, “He’ll love whatever you do for him, you know that, don’t you?”

Virgil blushed and ducked his head, fiddling with the strings a little, “I mean, I guess… but I want to, make it perfect. It has to be perfect.”

Ayana simply smiled and began to try her hardest at helping Virgil with his song. It wasn’t the perfect way to go about this, considering both of them were anxious messes who didn’t want the other to think they hated their ideas and were struck with paranoia with every attempt at constructive criticism, but they found a rhythm eventually. They worked on fixing what Virgil felt was wrong, starting with the lyrics. Ayana seemed to have a natural talent for working with lyrics and words, which surprised Virgil, but he greatly appreciated it in this moment.

Both students seemed to forget they were meant to be having a formal music lesson at this time and were entirely lost in their creative process. The teacher watched and listened through a crack in the door, a pleased smile on their face. Something about this was wonderful to them, their two best students working on their own project together, without the need of their help. The door was shut quietly, and the teacher returned to their office a little way down the hall, letting the pair continue their work.

It was only once their session time was over that the teacher returned to the room. They still found the two working on their song, but this time they needed to interrupt. As they stepped into the room, the door was left to click shut on its own. The sound caused both students to jump and turn to stare at their teacher.

“I’m sorry you two, but it’s time to head home. Sorry I didn’t come today, I was swamped with just so much work.” The teacher lied, trying to quell the worry they saw on the two students’ faces. “But I see that you two found something to work on today, which I am very proud of. I hope you’ll be willing to show me?”

Both of the kids shared a nervous look. Virgil looked away first and nodded, settling back into the most comfortable position for him to play. The teacher rested against the wall next to the door and watched their student.

The song lasted for a couple of minutes, but Virgil was feeling his nerves throughout the entire thing. This was entirely different from playing it to Ayana; she was a friend that he knew really well, someone he trusted a lot. His music teacher was different. Yes, he’d known them for longer and yes, Virgil definitely trusted the adult, but he still wasn’t completely free emotionally to the teacher.

But he played his song, he played it as best he could through the nerves. He found them fading as he worked through it, finding his confidence with each passing strum and word. By the end of the song, Virgil had almost forgotten he was playing to his teacher. Almost.

There was a beat of silence once he’d finished where he looked up to the teacher through his hair, awaiting critique. Instead, Virgil got a smile and a light applause.

“That was beautiful, Virgil. Did you two make that up right now?”

Virgil shook his head, “N-no… I’ve been, sorta… working on it, for a while, and stuff. I just, uh… I asked Ayana to help, because I was stuck…”

“Well, you two did a wonderful job. I’m sure whoever you’re going to play this for is going to be pleasantly surprised.”

Virgil’s head snapped up and his eyes widened in fear. His face burned brightly again, “W-what! Who said it was for anyone?!”

His teacher laughed, “Virgil. Teachers pay attention. I’ve seen you and your friends around, I’ve seen you with Mr Ashworth. I promise, I have not told a soul and I promise to never tell a soul about this.”

Virgil was speechless. People knew?! Teachers knew?! What the hell! He turned to Ayana, looking at her wildly as if he expected her to debunk that people were able to see his crush but she just avoided his gaze. “Ayana…?” His voice was quiet and dangerous.

“I’m sorry!” She squeaked, ginger hair coming to fall around her yet again.

Virgil groaned, his head falling into his hands. “Everyone knows… don’t they?”

Ayana made a noise that confirmed his theory and Virgil just about died then and there. There was a hand on his shoulder that had Virgil raising his head once more, just to be greeted by his teacher’s face. Virgil pouted, waiting for another bought of ridicule.

“Virgil, you have nothing to worry about.” His teacher said, hand falling back down to rest on the ground where they’d squatted to reach his eye level, “I shouldn’t really say anything about this because it’s none of my business, but-” Virgil had to bite his tongue as he wanted to fire a sarcastic retort right back at his teacher, who simply continued, “I can assure you that Mr Ashworth is showing just as much interest in you.”

This was the first time someone had outright told him that Patton seemed to share the same feelings, and suddenly Virgil felt different. He still wasn’t entirely convinced, but he was sure that was the pessimist in him, he was oddly feeling more confident in his own personal observations.

“Well, it’s really time to head home now, you two. Don’t want you getting locked in here with us.” Their teacher stood, straining as they put effort into getting up off the ground.

The two students gathered their things, thanked their teacher and walked out of the school. Virgil was silently thinking over everything that had happened recently, while Ayana kept glancing at him. Virgil kept noticing her out of the corner of his eyes, but he didn’t want to pressure her into talking.

“Virgil…? Are you okay?”

Ayana’s soft voice surprised him, even though he was waiting for her to speak, “Huh? What? Oh, oh yeah, I’m… fine. Totally fine.”

Ayana slowed down, causing Virgil to stop a little way down the path that lead out to the car park at the front of the school, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about everyone else… I didn’t want to scare you…”

Virgil opened his mouth to reassure his friend, but she stopped him quickly, “Please don’t interrupt! I don’t think I’ll be able to say this again if you do…” Virgil nodded and stayed silent.

“I could see it from the first time you brought Patton over. You seemed so much happier, so much more relaxed… and it was clear it was Patton. And he seemed extremely happy to be with you too. You’re both sweet with each other, both understand each other so well and, the teacher’s right, you two both obviously like each other. That was why I asked about the song when I heard it… I knew before you even told me…” Ayana’s eyes were trained on the ground as she rattled off her speech. She looked visibly upset, “I’m really sorry, Virgil…”

Virgil understood her up until her final apology, “What are you sorry for?”

Ayana shrugged, “For not telling you sooner…” Her eyes flicked up to him as he snorted at her confession.

“Ayana…” Virgil’s arm came to rest around her, giving her a gentle one-armed hug, “You don’t need to be sorry about that. You didn’t wanna stress me out or anything, I understand that. You’re good, we’re good. If I was upset, do you think I’d do this?” He ruffled her hair wildly, causing her to squeak and wriggle away from him with a laugh.

She couldn’t help but smile at him, “No… I guess not…”

“Exactly. Now, get out of here. Your parents will start coming for you again.”

Ayana suddenly tensed again before she began running towards the gate. She turned and waved at Virgil as she left, which Virgil returned. He knew she wanted to stop her eccentric parents from embarrassing her yet again, but he still couldn’t help but laugh. He headed home, his heart feeling a little lighter and his head swimming with information.

Everything was almost ready. He just had to figure out when to do it.

Last Chapter —– Next Chapter

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