#kyle i hope u know this is not serious and i love you very much

[storm-of-feathers]

God CERTAIN PEOPLE from Rhode Island suck so much 🙄🙄 like we get it you like splatoon maybe try inking some bitches 😒😒

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 24

February 29th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was laying in her bed looking at her phone.  

A special Blueprint had been uploaded to the Leafs’ official YouTube page and their official website titled “Family Birthdays”.  Filmed perfectly.  Cut perfectly.  Produced perfectly.  It was only two minutes long and featured all the guys.  But the main feature was her.  

The video began as Sheldon’s speech did, except the camera wasn’t on him – it was on Brendan and Aberdeen watching him intently.  When he called out Jason’s name and Jason walked in with the cake, Aberdeen watched her own face drop and change and contort.  The camera cut to some of the guys singing – Willy and Tyson and Auston, then Zach, then Travis – and then back to her once they began cheering.  Brendan started his speech.  The camera cut to some more players.  Then it showed her speech.  The last thirty seconds of the video featured snippets of afterwards – the music playing and the guys dancing, most of them with cake in their hands; Auston shoving a giant piece of it into his mouth; Tyson grabbing Aberdeen and dancing with her to the more upbeat song like they were in the 1950s and at a party.  The closing clip was one of Aberdeen smiling from ear to ear, then one of Brendan smiling from ear to ear too as he stared directly at her.  The Blueprint logo came up on the screen.  It was over.

Aberdeen had never appeared prominently in a video from the Leafs before.  She was in the background of some of the Blueprints, usually always with Brendan and once with Kyle and Peter, but she was mostly anonymous.  Now, with this video, she was known: she was named, shown, shown dancing, and it was clearly evident she’d been with the organization for a while and that the team loved her.  To anybody watching, she seemed ingrained within the institution that was the Toronto Maple Leafs.  The fans seemed to love it – the team had won the game, after all, and had a successful Florida road trip because they also won against Florida on Thursday 5-3.  The fans thought it was cute.  She thought it was cute, too, but wondered now if people, especially people throughout the NHL, would actually recognize her instead of just walking by and ignoring her unless she stood beside Brendan.

Regardless, she went about her morning routine – washing her face, brushing her teeth, doing her hair, putting her moisturizer on.  She fed Minerva and applied her makeup.  It was a Hockey Night in Canada tonight against the Vancouver Canucks, but Brendan was letting her leave after the first period for her birthday party.  A bunch of friends were coming over for pre-drink before they left for Toybox, the nightclub where she’d be having the party (everyone she knew and loved would be there except for Siena, who couldn’t come because of school).  There would be at least twenty of them.  They’d all pitched in to get a table and bottle service.  It would all be very fun, and considering Aberdeen’s clubbing days would probably come to an end soon (serious job, serious boyfriend, serious ambition to be a writer), she wanted it to be very fun. 

Lou was taking Brendan to a dentist appointment that morning, so Aberdeen was planning to just walk to work herself.  She could get in a little later than usual – around 9:45 or 10 – since Brendan wasn’t going to be in either.  So she took her time.  She made herself breakfast.  She turned on the news.  She cuddled with Minerva.  She admired the birthday gift that arrived from Willy last night when she got home from work – he had somehow managed to track down and buy a first edition copy (literally a la 1895) of The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde, her favourite play.  He did good.  He did damn good.  Between the ring at Christmas and this, Aberdeen couldn’t believe he did that good.  

She took out her phone.

Hope you have a good practice this morning ❤️

thank u minskatt

Are you still in bed lol

love u and yes lol

love you too

don’t judge me

After a while, with time going faster than she liked, Aberdeen put on her coat, hat, scarf, and boots and made her way downstairs.  When she opened the doors of her building, she noticed a guy in a grey Canada Goose jacket and a tan messenger bag smoking almost right outside the door.  She’d never seen him before.  It was entirely plausible that he lived in the building, but he wouldn’t have come down to have a smoke.  She figured he was probably waiting for someone, and went on her merry way.

As she walked down the street, she texted on her phone and made sure to avoid any ice on the sidewalk.  The cold air gave way for a quiet morning – there weren’t a lot of people out walking.  It was also because it was later than usual morning “rush hour”.  From behind her, she heard someone cough extremely loudly – one of those loud smoker’s coughs that could be heard from a mile away.  She looked behind her.

It was the guy from outside her building.  

She felt a shiver run up her spine, and it wasn’t from the cold.  Okay.  Maybe she should give him the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe he had finished his cigarette and was walking the same way she was to his work.  Maybe they had the same route.

Maybe she should take a detour, just in case.  

She turned a corner.  It was technically the wrong way – well, not a wrong way, but it was less direct and a route that made her commute maybe five minutes longer than usual.  She waited about a minute before looking back again.  He turned the corner too.  She felt the shiver run up her spine again.

She turned another wrong corner onto Wellington Street.  Waited a few moments.  Looked back.  

There he was.  

She felt her heart beat increase rapidly.  She was being followed.  She was being followed.  She was freaking out.  She had no idea who this guy was, what he wanted from her, nothing.  She had no clue.  She increased her pace and looked for a storefront amidst all the bank buildings, and she thanked the Lord when she saw a Starbucks.  She climbed the steps and went inside.  It was pretty busy, but not busy enough that she’d be lost within the crowd.  She waited to see whether the man would just walk by or stop.

He stopped in front and lit another cigarette.  

She couldn’t believe this was happening to her.  She tried to steady her breathing as much as possible as she took out her phone and called the one number she thought to call.  

“Minskaaaaaatt, what are you—”

“—Willy?” Aberdeen asked frantically into the phone.

William noticed her tone immediately.  “What’s wrong?”

“Willy I think someone’s following me.”

“Following you?” his tone was dead serious.  

She arched her neck to look out the window and saw the guy was still there, pretending to type away on his phone.  “I—I left my apartment this morning, and I noticed this guy standing outside with a messenger bag smoking and—and I didn’t think much of it, but then I started walking down the street, and he started following me.  And so I started to walk down a different route to work just in case but he—he kept following, and now I’m in the Starbucks at York and Wellington and he’s standing outside pretending to be on the phone but he’s waiting for me and—”

“Stay right there.  I’m going to come get you.”

As if her heart wasn’t already beating rapidly out of fear, now the pace increased tenfold.  She’d called him because he was her boyfriend, because he was the first person she thought to call, but now she realized how much of a grave mistake that was.  “No – no – Willy, you can’t.  Brendan will know and—”

“Stay there and don’t leave.”

“Willy—no, Willy—” she tried, but he had already hung up the phone.  She couldn’t think straight.  She was freaking out, and not just because she was getting stalked by someone.  She should have called Brendan first.  Or Jason, or—

Well, she could text them.  She pulled up Brendan’s number first.  She hoped he’d see it before Willy could do anything.  I’m at York and Wellington Starbucks.  I am being followed by someone.  Can you please come and pick me up?  She pulled up Jason’s number, too.  I’m at York and Wellington Starbucks.  I am being followed from my apartment.  Please get someone to help me.

As she waited, nobody texted her back.  She started to become nervous.  She even sent a few more texts to Willy about getting someone to help him and calling Brendan to help deal with it but he wasn’t responding, and it just made her more nervous.  Jason – never one to leave her on read, even for the simplest of messages – hadn’t responded.  She wondered if he was already driving to practice.  Or with Jen.  Or with his girls.  Or at their school.  Or—

The man still wasn’t leaving.  

Aberdeen gulped.  She didn’t know what to do.  She couldn’t stay in this Starbucks forever even though it seemed this guy would wait that long.  If she left and continued her walk to work, should she acknowledge him?  Should she ignore him?  Should she call him out for following her?  And besides, how in the everlasting fuck did he know where she lived?!  She felt a pit forming in her stomach.  

But she went outside anyway.  Before she did, she started a video on her phone.  As she pushed open the doors from the Starbucks, she watched out of the corner of her eye as he saw her and locked his phone.  As she walked by him, he kept it in his hand.  She began to walk away, down the steps and onto the sidewalk, and she pretended to adjust her hair in her hat.  She saw he’d taken a step forward.  Her heart was racing, but she stopped walking.  She turned towards him boldly, cradling her phone against her chest so it wouldn’t seem like she was recording him.  

When he noticed that he’d been caught, a smile adorned his face.  It was probably nice in everyday life, but considering the circumstances, it was the creepiest thing Aberdeen had ever seen.  “Hey,” he greeted her with a friendly, pleasant voice.  “You know, I saw you in that Blueprint video where the Leafs bought you that birthday cake – you’re Aberdeen Bloom, aren’t you?  Brendan Shanahan’s personal assistant?” the man asked.

Aberdeen found it extremely weird that this man knew her last name.  “How do you know where I live?” she demanded.

“I just overheard the guys talking about it one night and made an educated guess,” he shrugged his shoulders, like it was the most natural thing in the world.  It made Aberdeen’s blood run cold.  “You must recognize me from the media scrums.  I was wondering if you’d like to answer a few questions for me.”

She didn’t recognize him from the media scrums, although she was sure he was there.  Having probably exhausted his good rapport with the players due to his actions (if they were anything like this), the next best thing for him was to terrorize her.  “No.  I don’t speak to the media.  You need to go through—”

Suddenly, a car pulled up to the curb, the tires shrieking against the pavement.  Another car followed just as quickly, shrieking against the pavement as it also grinded to a halt.  From the second car, William barely waited for it to stop before he got out of the passenger’s seat.  Jason followed him from the driver’s seat.  “Get in the car,” William said firmly, not even looking at her.

She noticed Brendan get out of the backseat of the first car, and came to the realization that it was the town car – Lou was driving, waving at her to get in.  “Aberdeen, get in the car,” he echoed William’s sentiments.  “I’ll deal with this.”

She ran towards the town car, opening the door quickly and stuffing herself into the backseat.  She stopped the video on her phone as she watched through the window as Brendan approached the man, who had his hands up and was shaking his head like he wasn’t doing anything wrong.  She felt the sting of tears in her eyes.  “Are you okay, Miss Bloom?” Lou asked from the front seat.  

“I’m okay,” she said.  “Just a bit spooked.”

“Mr. Shanahan freaked out when he got your text.  Almost had a heart attack, I think.”

Aberdeen nodded absent-mindedly, still watching through the window as Brendan looked like he was berating the man.  William looked exactly like he did the night she got hit by the glass – so angry but unable to formulate words – and she couldn’t tell if the redness on his cheeks was due to the cold or his anger.  Jason looked equally as angry, his head moving between Brendan and the man like he was watching Djokovic verses Federer.  When Brendan, William, and Jason dispersed back towards the cars, the man who had followed her was calling out towards Brendan in objection.  Brendan ignored him, and so did William and Jason.  He kept screaming, and Brendan kept ignoring.  

Aberdeen watched through the side mirrors as William and Jason got back in their car.  Brendan opened the backseat door and she turned her head to look at him as slipped in.  Lou began driving the second the door was closed.  “When did you notice him following you?” Brendan asked immediately.

“He was outside my building,” she revealed.

“Outside your building?!” he demanded.  He pulled out his phone.  “I—I’m calling Steve.  No media availability for practice.  None.”

“Brendan—”

“This motherfucker,” he seethed, ignoring Aberdeen’s voice.  “This motherfucker is never getting into our locker room again.”

“Brendan, I don’t care about the locker room,” Aberdeen chastised him.  “He knows where I live!”

“I already called the police.  They’re meeting us at practice,” he revealed.  “I already told them we’re drafting up a peace bond.  And if that fucker even thinks about contesting it, I’ll be out for blood.”

Aberdeen was trying to make sense of what he was saying, but it wasn’t registering in her head.  She’d heard Siena talk about peace bonds before in relation to something she was learning in law school, but Aberdeen couldn’t connect the dots right now.  “What—what’s a peace bond?” she asked.

“It’s essentially a restraining order,” he explained.  “Some of the players actually have them for some people or fans but we’re not going to get into that right now.  All you need to know is that he won’t be able to be anywhere near you, your apartment, work, nothing.  I’ll push for an entire kilometre away from you.  I don’t care if the fucker has to move.  He won’t get anywhere near you ever again.”

Aberdeen calmed down considerably as Brendan spoke, though she was still on edge.  “We…we can do that?”

“Yes.  It’s the—fuck!—it’s the same old story with some of these fucking clowns.  Can’t get what they want in the locker room so they go after office stuff and see which one breaks first.  It’s never enough – whatever we give them is never enough.  All for some inside scoop.”

Aberdeen saw how angry Brendan was about this.  It was like the Ethan situation all over again.  It was different in that, with Ethan, Brendan was calm but she could see the rage inside of him.  Now, she saw the rage both inside and outside.  “I just want to make sure I’ll never have to see him again,” Aberdeen said.

“You won’t,” Brendan seethed.  “I’ll make sure of it.”

***

Aberdeen didn’t exactly like talking to cops – she didn’t think anyone did – but there were two waiting at practice when she and Brendan got there.  They waited for William and Jason to get there, and once they arrived, they all went into a private room to give statements.  Aberdeen showed the cops the video she took.  It played at least seven different times, and each time, she watched William across the table getting redder and redder.  Except this time, he was more vocal.  “Is it possible we can do more than just a peace order?  I mean can’t we press charges?”  “This guy is an obvious threat to the team’s safety if he’s approaching office staff to try to get exclusives on us.”  It was all very…clinical.  She didn’t know the word to describe it.  But Brendan was adamant on the conditions of the peace order, and was adamant that they go even a step further than what some of the guys had because she was a young female.  What surprised her the most was when Brendan called up the guy – literally right from his phone – and the cops read out the peace bond.  This was still in front of William and Jason.  The guy fought back a little bit but Brendan was having none of it and threatened him with court.  The guy had no chance but to accept the conditions of the peace order.  He agreed to sign it.  He agreed to every condition.  The cops would take care of him signing it and filing the peace order with the RCMP.  

It was barely noon.  

When the police left, Aberdeen thanked them politely and watched as Willy and Jason did too.  She noticed William’s eyes on her as she heard Brendan thank them and offer to walk them out.  Then she saw Jason was looking at her too.  “Can I talk to you?  Alone?” he asked.

“Yeah.  Of course.”

She followed him to an empty hallway – one she had walked down hundreds of times while working the practices.  Jason made sure nobody else was around before he started speaking.  “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she nodded her head.  “Just a bit spooked, as you can imagine.”

“Listen, I know you’ve got your parents’ place but my door is always open too if you or Kasha don’t feel safe in the apartment for the next little bit,” he offered.  God, she still needed to tell Kasha.  She still needed to call her fucking parents.  They were going to have a fit.  “You know Jen wouldn’t mind.”

“You’d add another girl to your house?” she tried to joke.

“Don’t joke about this,” he said, his voice so serious Aberdeen almost felt back for cracking the joke.  “Do you want to stay at my place?  Do you feel safe?”

“No.  And yes,” she said.  “No I do not want to stay at your place, but thank you for the offer.  And yes, I feel safe.  I mean, I feel safe right now, knowing that if he breaks that peace bond, he can go to jail.  That’s what’s making me feel safe right now.”

“It should.  It’s serious business.”

“Do you understand how lucky I am that the cops took it seriously and got it done within hours?  Because I guarantee you if it was just me filing the complaint, they wouldn’t have taken it seriously,” she said.  “They only took it seriously because of Brendan and him going apoplectic, and you know it.”

“I do know it,” Jason nodded his head.  “I’ve known it every day since my old teammate’s girlfriend had to get the exact same thing down in Dallas against a group of crazy girls who wanted to sleep with her boyfriend and threatened to show up at their house and suffocate her in her sleep.”

Okay, so apparently this was pretty commonplace.  Well, at least in hers and Jason’s lives.  While it wasn’t a crazy fangirl, he at least still understood where she was coming from.  “I guess I’m lucky he only wanted an inside scoop, I guess.”

Jason shook his head.  “I almost had a fucking heart attack when I saw that message.  You don’t even understand.  I was walking and I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around and started running to my car.  That’s when I saw Will.”

Ah, yes.  William.  She wondered where he was right now.  She’d have to find him after this conversation.  “Yeah.  I was shaking so much that for some reason, his name was the first to pop up.”

Jason stayed silent, nodding his head.  She could tell he was biting his tongue, wanting to say something, deciding whether or not it was worth it.  “Listen…I know…I know I shouldn’t even be asking this, but there’s nothing going on between you and Willy, is there?”

Aberdeen held her breath.  She had to lie to Siena.  She had to lie to Kasha.  Now, she had to lie to Jason.  It would have been inevitable, but she wished she didn’t have to, mostly because she respected him so much and knew how much he cared about her.  “No.  I just…we’re close – kinda – and listen – his crush isn’t exactly a secret, but it’s not like I’m doing anything while I’m working here,” she said, stumbling over her words a bit.  “I would never jeopardize my job or my career like that.”

“Right.  I know.  Sorry,” Jason kept nodding, now a bit bashful that he even brought it up.  “I just…you let him know, you know—”

“Because we’re close,” she reiterated.  “We’re practically the same age.  And because he’s the only guy around my age on the team who has even just some of his shit together because of the way he grew up.  I mean, I didn’t call Auston or Kappy for a reason.”

“Yeah.  Yeah, of course,” he actually cracked a smile.  “I just—sorry, Aberdeen.  I didn’t mean to be—”

“It’s okay, Jason,” she wished he’d just dropped it, because the more he dragged it on, the more she had to lie to him, and the more it killed her.  

There was a moment of silence before Jason spoke again.  “Kappy would have probably taken you to an oyster bar,” he quipped.

Aberdeen snorted.  She began laughing one of those silent laughs as she shook her head.  “You’re probably right.”

***

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:  Earlier today, a member of the Toronto Maple Leafs organization was followed from their residence to 50 Bay Street.  It is of the utmost importance that members of the Toronto Maple Leafs organization are allowed privacy in their personal lives and are not stalked, followed, and harassed on their way to employment.  Due to the unacceptable actions, we have terminated the media credentials and locker room access of the individual involved in the incident, and they will never be allowed back into our locker room.  We encourage those in the media to review the acceptable guidelines policy given at the beginning of each season.  Legal action has already been taken against the individual.  We will not be answering any further questions.

***

“She what?!” Zach Hyman was in disbelief at what William announced to the room.

“Who was it?” John asked.

“Are they pressing charges?” Tyson demanded.

“There’s already a peace bond – it’s like a restraining order,” Jason explained.  “He can’t get within, like, a kilometre of her or the arena without her pressing charges and him going to jail.”

The locker room was in disbelief at the news that Aberdeen had been stalked on her way to work that morning.  They knew the media could be crazy, they just didn’t know they could be that crazy.  To target a young female member of the office was unheard of.  Usually they were the ones being stalked, not the office staff.  “Is she okay?” Zach asked.  

“She’s doing fine.  She’s Aberdeen.  For what it’s worth I think she’s keeping it all in, just like last time, but that’s neither here nor there,” Jason said, alluding to the Ethan situation.  “It all happened so fast this morning.  That’s why nobody had to do media after practice today.  Brendan suspended it.”

William watched as Auston shook his head.  “That girl’s being put through the fucking ringer, dude.  First the Ethan thing, then that scar, now this?”

“I’m surprised she stays with us,” Tyson commented.

“I don’t.  She loves us,” Mitch spoke up.  “Just like we love her.  This is just…a series of unfortunate events.  Like that book series.”

“You read books?” Auston quipped.

Mitch punched him in the arm.  “So I get why she’d text Jason,” Mitch continued, looking at William.  “But why you?”

William shrugged.  “How would I know?  She was probably shaking and her hand slipped while typing.  Would you be calm in that situation?”

Jason had heard that before.

***

“You’re not scared?” William asked over the phone, sitting alone inside of his car, still in the parking lot after practice.  Everybody had left long ago, but not him.

“A little bit, but I’m not letting it take over my life.  I can’t let it take over my life,” Aberdeen replied, her voice calm.  She was probably talking to him from the employee washroom back on Bay Street.  “If I let the fear take over, I wouldn’t do anything.  I wouldn’t be able to do my job.”

“But this isn’t that type of fear.  This is someone stalked you on your way to work fear.  This is someone hit you with a glass because they hated your boyfriend fear.  This is—”

“—that was a freak accident—”

“—This is a different type of fear, minskatt.  I can’t stand seeing this happen to you.”

“Willy, I couldn’t stand to hear those guys in the bar chirping you, either,” she said.  “You have to trust me when I tell you that it freaked me out and scared me but there’s a peace order now and it’s been dealt with.  I’m not going to let it take over my life.  Remember what you told me?  I’m not what happened to me.”

William took a deep breath to stop himself from getting emotional.  His girlfriend was handling this much better than he was – that was very clear.  “I just love you so much,” he whispered.  Aberdeen could swear she heard his voice crack slightly.  “I don’t ever want to see anything bad happen to you.  It kills me because I can’t help you right then and there.  I can’t even touch you.  It’s hard.  We have to do this instead.  This is the hardest part of keeping this all a secret.”

“I know.  I know,” she agreed with him.  “But you have to trust me.  You trust me, right?”

“With my whole heart,” he responded.

“Then you need to trust that I’m okay.”

***

@reporterchris:  The member of the Leafs organization who was followed from their residence was a woman.  Shanahan, Dubas, & co. are taking this extremely seriously.  Rumours are the team is quite upset too.

@reporterchris: Organization is not naming names for obvious reasons.  But they do tell us the member is doing fine, was not hurt or injured, and continues to perform her full duties with the team.  Org is treating this as a one-off scary episode, but did not want to take chances.  

@reporterchris:  Team is a bit standoffish tonight, with good reason.  Though the culprit is not in the room, players coming out for media availability aren’t as forthcoming as usual.  

***

“Oh my god, there is literally no room to breathe in this thing,” Aberdeen said as she sucked in her stomach as Kasha zipped up her jumpsuit.  She looked at herself in the mirror and had to admit the jumpsuit looked phenomenal on her.  It was skin tight, hugging her body in all the right places and actually made it look like she had some semblance of cleavage, and showed off just the right amount of skin for a February night.  Her long hair cascaded down her back, her makeup was immaculate besides the patch near her scar where she couldn’t put any on, and her heels gave her that extra bit of confidence to pull off the look.  

“You’ll be able to get some alcohol in,” Kasha joked as she finished zipping.  “Or else bottle service was a bust.”

“Bottle service is never a bust,” Aberdeen said.  “I’m just gonna make sure the pre-drink is worth it too.”

Aberdeen had decided against telling Kasha tonight about the stalking earlier in the day.  It just wasn’t the right time, because she knew Kasha was incredibly excited for tonight, and because Aberdeen didn’t want to think about it either.  Much like the Ethan situation, she didn’t want it to creep up in her mind when she was supposed to be having a good time.  She’d tell Kasha tomorrow, when she was hungover.  She’d also tell her parents tomorrow, because if she told them tonight, they’d probably show up to the pre-drink and lock her in her room.

As their friends began arriving, the drinks started flowing.  People brought their own, and of course Kasha and Aberdeen had some booze in stock, and Kasha made sure to take pictures – “thirst trips, Aberdeen, thirst traps!!!!!” – before things started to get too hectic and too alcohol-fuelled.  Evan came, and Masani came, and Tom, and Christian and Gavin and Zach, and Delilah and Ariana and Sloane, and Jude surprised her by coming in from McMaster, and she was surrounded by so many friends and posing for so many group photos that her mind really didn’t think of what happened earlier, and she was happy, really happy, and wanted to have the best time.

They practically fell out of their Ubers and into the lineup outside Toybox, but Masani spoke with the bouncer and he let them all in and they made their way to their reserved table.  Kasha pulled her out onto the dance floor and Aberdeen began moving her body to the beat of the music.  She’d look over her shoulder every now and then, making sure nobody was him, but after the first few times, she came to the realization he wouldn’t be there, and she really let loose.  Kasha was telling everyone who would listen that it was Aberdeen’s birthday so they’d buy them drinks.  Aberdeen accepted them.  Most people asked about her scar.  She told them.  A few guys flirted with her.  She shot them down.  Many more stared at her in her jumpsuit, their eyes filling with lust.  

Then one pair caught her eye, because she could recognize those baby blues anywhere.  

He was across the dance floor, staying a safe distance away from her and her party, but he was still keeping a watchful eye.  Not possessive, not domineering, not jealous or envious or untrusting – just watching.  She wanted him around her; she wanted him behind her so she could grind on him; she wanted him in front of her so she could dance with him; she wanted him close to her so she could wrap her arms around him; but she couldn’t.  He was there and she was here, and that’s where they had to stay.  

Don’t even hav to drunkt text you tonigt when you’re alreadfy here she texted him, downing the last of her vodka soda.  She looked towards him to see him taking out his phone.  It was only then that she noticed Rasmus approaching him with a drink, Kappy too already sipping on his own.

just wanted to make sure everything was ok after what happened today

omg is that rasmus isn’t hew like 12 how didf the bouncer let him inm who did youi pay

u look so sexy

do you know this placve can we sneak away

don’t think that’s the best idea

why not

kasha kappy rasmus

Oh right.  Kasha.  They needed to keep this a secret from Kasha.  And Kappy.  And Rasmus.  Aberdeen’s drunk brain wasn’t thinking very straight right now.  Would Kasha notice if she snuck away for…however long?  Would Masani?  Would any one of her friends?  Were they already too drunk to notice, too drunk to care?

“Who are you texting?” Kasha asked.

“Nobody,” Aberdeen answered absent-mindedly.  She typed out her last text message before locking her phone.

i want your fingers inside of me

“Let’s go back to the booth,” Kasha whined as she grabbed Aberdeen’s hand.  “My feet huuuuurt.”

They made their way through the crowd and up the steps.  Aberdeen looked back to see William looking down at his phone, biting him bottom lip.  He locked his screen and put it in his pocket with an irritated look on his face.  She got him.

The rest of the night was fun.  William stayed away, which meant none of her friends interacted with him or Kappy or Rasmus – even Masani didn’t see him, which was good because if she did she most certainly would have bullied him into giving her Alex’s number since she’d been calling him “the best lay of my life thus far” since June.  She danced some more with her girlfriends, drank some more, got some more drinks bought for her, got asked about her scar some more, and took more pictures in the booth and on the dance floor.  The announcement for last call was the only reason they left, stumbling out of the club at 2am like good twenty-somethings having the time of their lives.  Aberdeen drunkenly hugged every one of her friends before they left in their taxis or Ubers, even placing a huge kiss on Jude’s cheek for coming in all the way from McMaster to join them.  She, Kasha, and Evan got into a taxi together, with Kasha even taking some last-minute pictures of her posing in the back of the taxi, even though Aberdeen thought she probably looked like a mess.  

When she got her phone back, she opened the front-facing camera and used her arms to push up her boobs, snapping a quick picture of her cleavage and herself biting her lip before quickly sending it off to Willy.  Kasha was too busy on her own phone to notice, and Evan was trying to make friends with the driver.  Almost immediately, she saw the three dots pop up.

the next time i see u alone, ur gonna pay for this

😇

 do you wankt sokme more

are u comfortable with that?

She posed again, doing much of the same, except this time she made it a video.  She pressed send.

fuuuuuuck ur so fucking sexy

im sry i do not have boobies

😂

u have beautiful boobs 

perfect for my mouth

Aberdeen smiled.  She held her breath.

i love yourf mouthj on my boobs i love your mouth onb my pussyt

i love my mouth on ur pussy too

where is rasmus is he in bed

FOCUS ABERDEEN

“ABERDEEEEEEEN!” Evan called out loudly, drunkenly.  It was only then that she realized that the taxi had stopped and that Evan and Kasha were already out of the taxi, waiting for her.  “Let’s goooo!”

Instead of just opened her door, she crawled across the backseat like a baby giraffe just finding its legs and got out that way.  She thanked the driver and told him it was her birthday before she closed the door.  Evan made sure they got into the elevator.

minskatt?

in elevator no shawarma this time when i gety backj into my room i willk send more pics

😍

do you like my butt

yes i do

i like my butt toop do you wankt pics of my butt

i want whatever u will give me

Evan also made sure they got into their apartment just fine.  Aberdeen immediately kicked off her heels and escaped to her room, closing the door.  The feel of her feet out of her strappy heels and on the laminate floor brought her so much joy.  She faced her full-length mirror and took one last picture, posing with her ass out before she sent the picture to William.

for you and only for you

fuck baby can’t believe how hot u look

let me take off my jumpsuit i have sexyt underwear onm

Aberdeen put her phone down and somehow, someway, got the zipper on her back down low enough that she could shimmy out of it.  The second the skin tight jumpsuit was off, she felt an even bigger sense of relief and comfort than she did when she took off her heels.  Every organ in her body felt like it was settling into their rightful place and not squeezed in by the jumpsuit.  It felt nice.  It felt so nice that she sat down on her bed.  And when she sat down on her bed, the comforter felt so soft against her skin.  Then she saw her pillows.  She fucking loved her pillows.  So she lay her head down on them.  Her eyes became heavy.  Her breath steadied.

that’s so hot baby do u wear them at work too Aberdeen? minskatt? hahahahahahaha goodnight minskatt

[normal-thoughts-official]

With a little help from your friends (the help is praise kink and the friend is your boyfriend)

Who would have thought that fucking your boyfriend senseless cures dysphoria.

Alternatively: being a dom is actually something that can be so gender,

Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)

Pairing: Andy Kang/Tom Sato

Additional tags: let's see, mild mentions of transphobic and racist comments, Comfort Sex, the filthiest comfort sex uve ever seen but WHATEVER, dom andy kang, sub tom sato, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Dom/sub Play, Collars, Praise Kink, basically someone says transphobic shit and then tom rides him and talks about how wonderful andy is, except tom has also been in denial for a few days and he's super horny, and andy gets in domspace and everything is great and nothing hurts, Fluff and Smut, Humor, cuz u know these two are incapable of taking anything too seriously, Established Relationship, oh they're both in college and they go to the same college cuz i said so, set after the events of it lives beneath, that's it I think, trans author if that matters to you

Read it on Ao3

Andy isn't having a great day. It's not a terrible, clawing-at-his-chest-trying-to-deal-with-dysphoria kind of day, but he's been trying out this "not comparing everything to the worst possible scenario" thing his therapist has been talking about, so still, not a great day.

The thing is, he thought college would be easier. And it is, in a lot of ways. For starters, there is no evil monster spectre trying to kill him, which gives college at least 5 points over high school. And his uni has a pretty solid queer club, so he knows other trans people there. Some of them are even non-white. Some of them he even actually, truly likes. And most of the time, he feels like he has a place to turn to, and people to support him. He's not alone. He has people who get him. And that makes all the difference.

But basketball is still a nightmare, and his knee still hurts when it's cold, and winter is officially starting now.

People still hesitate to pass the ball to him, and it's frustrating, because Andy fought so hard to earn his old team's trust and now he's back at square zero. And well, Andy has been gaining this team's trust, because he's good, goddamn it, and his team owes at least the last three victories to him. He's not hesitant to say that, especially because otherwise no one will. And he can see that they look at him differently now - nod at him in the hallways, at least, talk to him in the locker room, pass him the fucking ball if his position is very, very open.

But if he weren't trans and Asian, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get all of that - or well, just that, really. He has a full sports scholarship despite the fact that he had a broken leg, had to retake his last year of high school, and doesn't even have the body type for basketball. If he weren't Asian, if he weren't trans, his team would have assumed his greatness from day one. Instead, he has to show it to them time and time again only to get them to reluctantly admit maybe he's not bad. No one calls him "triple threat" anymore, but he still has to work three times harder than anyone else, and it's frustrating.

And usually Andy can deal with it, but right now his knee hurts, and he can't afford that because he'll lose everything he's worked for if his teammates know that his fucking knee hurts. So, he braved training and then he got the fuck out of there without even changing so no one would see him wince. Which means he's still in basketball shorts, which are short, in the cold, which means his leg hurts more.

At times like these, he's thankful he never got the chance to go through with his promise to break his other leg kicking Noah's ass. Because he would have, and then both his legs would be hurting right now, and two legs that hurt every time it's cold is just too many legs.

No comparing to the worst possible scenario, he tells himself. Therapy is so hard. If he had known there would be homework, he would have thought twice about going.

And that's, apparently, the cue for his phone to go off. Andy smiles, knowing who it is even before he opens the message, because only one person messages him during class, and it's the only person he wants to hear from right now.

Tom <3 sent you a message

Grinning like a fool, he opens it.

Tom <3: dude, im horny af rn. the fuck

Finally, good news, Andy thinks, smiling. Then he remembers why Tom is so horny, and suddenly this day is great, actually.

He quickly types a reply.

You: who wouldve thought that 3 days of denial would make this happen

Tom <3: ill have u kno i was very good at holding it together before today

You: yeah, dw. soon u wont have to hold it anymore ;)

Tom <3: that flirt was terrible, dude

You: said the guy whos calling me dude for the second time in this conversation

Tom <3: what else should i call u? 😩

Andy thinks for a second. Tom and him do longer-term denial every once in a while, but they aren't in a 24/7 relationship. Does Andy really want to go there right now? Yes. Well, that was fast. Okay then.

You: how about "sir"

Tom's reply comes fast as lightning.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

Andy smirks at himself.

You: uve been hoping that id say that, havent u?

Tom types for just a little longer this time.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

----

Many things are wrong with the world, and Andy doesn't mean to make light of the other things, but the fact that Andy can't simply go and fuck his boyfriend whenever he wants is definitely one of them. It should be, like, financial compensation or something. We're so sorry the school environment is transphobic, here, have a free sex pass. Sounds fair to him. But instead, he still has two hours of classes to go through, and Andy is a better guy than he wishes he was, so he tells Tom to pay attention to class instead of sexting him, because he doesn't want Tom to struggle even more with his course when he had already had to leave it once. God damn true love or whatever.

The point is, by the time classes are finally over, his day is back to not being that great; he's tired, and his leg hurts. He gets to their car after Tom does, and Tom takes one look at him, and says, "I'm driving".

Andy crosses his arms. "Why?"

"Because your leg hurts," Tom answers, rolling his eyes and taking Andy's bag from him and putting it in the trunk.

Andy looks down at his legs. He wasn't limping. There aren't any bruises. How the hell-

"It's cold and you're in shorts. I'm not an idiot, dude."

Right. Yeah. Right. Of course. Tom knows. It's… It's alright.

"Bad day at training?" Tom asks, slowly, sympathetically, and Andy feels himself settle in his skin a little bit.

"The usual," he answers, getting inside, and, as always, Tom gets the hint.

---

Their uni's dorms are gender-segregated because these guys have still not gotten the memo that people of the same gender fuck; and Andy wasn't willing to deal with cis college guys' bullshit, much less cis college girls' bullshit; and the uni wouldn't let him simply pick Tom as his roommate. So, they rented out a beat up apartment right next to it instead. It took a little longer to get there, but it wasn't a lot longer, and well, it was worth it.

Tom gets inside, still carrying Andy's bag because he's transphobic and unfair and had taken it and bolted up running so Andy wouldn't have a chance to argue with him. And Andy can't run after him with his leg hurting, which kind of proves Tom's point that he should carry Andy's bag. All in all, Tom is the worst, and he turns up the heat as soon as he gets inside and sits Andy down on the bed, kneeling in front of him to take a look at Andy's knee.

He's silent for a while, massaging his knee until Andy sighs and throws his head back, before Tom plants a little kiss on his knee and looks up at him. Andy's knee always stops hurting when Tom kisses it better. It's a little embarrassing, if Andy is being honest, but still- nice. Really nice.

They stay for a little longer like this, Tom humming and massaging his knee and Andy not meeting his eyes, until the question inevitably comes.

"What happened?" Tom asks, not letting up with the smooth movements of his hands, his eyes big and sincere with worry.

"Nothing. Just the cold. You know how my knee gets."

"I meant, for you to leave practice without putting some warmer clothes on."

Andy looks away. "It was nothing."

"Dude, are you expecting me to go, 'okay, yeah, that totally makes sense and I believe you', or…?"

Andy laughs, despite himself, and throws his good leg up in an almost-kick to pretend he's retaliating. "Don't be an ass."

"I'm not. Come on, Andy. You know you can tell me."

"It's nothing, it's just- Kyle-"

"Oh boy."

Andy laughs. "Yeah." But then he grows serious, "the thing is, he doesn't mean any harm, you know? I know he's not saying it to hurt me, and so that just means that, like... that it's true."

Tom's hands stop their movements, rubbing soothing circles around his knee instead. "What did he say?"

Andy doesn't look at him. "He asked me why I didn't stay on the women's team. Said that I could have an advantage, cuz Asian people are androgynous anyway, so no one would notice that I was taking hormones."

Tom just stares at him in shock for a moment.

"And I was like, 'dude, I've been on T for three years, I'm pretty sure they would notice the changes'. And he was like, 'yeah, but you still look like a lot of Asian girls with short hair, you could write it off if you wanted', and I just…" He trails off.

Tom waits in silence for a second, seeing if Andy finds his words, before asking, "Is Kyle, like, okay?"

Andy scoffs. "I didn't try and fight him, if that's what you're asking."

"No, I mean, does this dude have a screw loose or something?"

"He's very bad at figuring out what is or isn't offensive, yeah, but it's not like he really cares, he just won't go out of his way to antagonize me."

"No, I just- Andy, even when you were a little kid with huge pigtails, anyone would have to be crazy to see you as a girl."

Andy bites the inside of his lip. "You're just saying that."

"I'm not. It's just wrong, man. It was so obvious that it was wrong. Anyone could tell. There's nothing about you that says 'girl' to anyone who's looking."

Andy sighs, finally risking looking at Tom's eyes. There's overwhelming sincerity there, and Andy instinctively looks away. "I guess. Maybe. I don't know. It just got me thinking... Maybe T didn't change anything. Maybe I look exactly the same, maybe it was just hopeful thinking that had me thinking it would change anything, maybe it's just- pointless to even try-"

"No, no, come on," Tom says, and the interruption is so sudden it makes Andy look at him again, just in time to see Tom shaking his head vigorously. "There's no way you believe that. What about this bad boy over here?" He smiles, reaching out softly to caress Andy's neck. "You have more of an Adam's Apple than me, dude. And we both know you don't need T to be a guy, but thinking it made no difference is just crazy and you know it. What about those dry pecs? These broad shoulders of yours? Your voice, I mean, come on. You even smell different, man. How can it be pointless, if even your scent is different?"

Andy looks to the side again, but he can feel himself smile. "Well, when you put it like that..."

Tom gets up, but stays close, putting his hand on Andy's cheek, slowly, as if testing the waters, before turning him slightly to look at him. "Andy. Kyle is an idiot and a transphobic racist who's too damn lazy to realize how fucked up he is. And you shouldn't have to deal with that, and I'm sorry, and I will set him on fire."

Andy laughs. "You can't keep threatening to set every shitty teammate I have on fire."

"I can, because it keeps making you laugh," Tom says, smiling. Well. Andy can't argue with that. "My point is, you wouldn't listen to a word this dude says if it were about anyone else, so don't listen to him when he talks about you, okay? T or no T, you're no girl, and you don't look like a girl, and regardless of whether or not Kyle's dumb ass noticed it, your transition has been doing you good. Remember when your voice started to crack and get all weird? I've never seen anyone be that happy about it."

Andy laughs. "It was pretty awful."

"No, it was great, 'cause you loved it. Do you want me to pull out the 'before' pictures we took in case this happened? Look at yourself, dude. You fit so much better in your own skin, you know? And like, you've always been gorgeous, but-"

"Come here," Andy interrupts, pulling him down because Tom is standing and Andy is sitting and Andy is already height-challenged. And Tom goes willingly, carefully straddling Andy's lap and meeting him in a kiss. Finally, Andy thinks.

Tom kisses him softly, slowly, one hand resting on the back of Andy's head and the other draped lazily over his shoulder, as he usually does, all gentle and a little hesitant, and Andy is having none of that. So he grabs Tom's hair and deepens the kiss, bringing him closer until their chests are flushed together and he can feel Tom's hips mindlessly making little circles against Andy's belly.

They separate - or well, stop kissing, really, because Tom is still as close to Andy as physically possible, and Andy feels about ready to shoot anyone who tries to push him further away. Tom's a little breathless, and his hips are still making these almost imperceptible movements against Andy, and Andy realizes that he's still grabbing Tom's hair and that he's a little breathless, too.

Tom looks down at him for a second, as if debating something with himself, before saying, "and like, not to be horny during a serious moment, but since we're talking about the effects of T... Andy. Andy. Your clit. Fuck. It's so huge now, and it's got a visible head and you can fuck my face and everything, and I could sing it praises for a week and probably will if you don't stop me right now."

"Hmm, but I like it when you sing me praises," he smiles. "Keep going."

"God, I was hoping you'd say that. Do you have any idea how much I've been thinking about it today? I didn't hear a single word anyone said to me, all I could think about was you fucking my face, pulling my hair, making me worship you and beg to be allowed to suck you off, I wanna serve you like you're my God." Tom's hips start to jerk up, more visibly this time, shameless, and see, this is why Andy's been really, really liking this whole denial thing - Tom has only started to explore his subby side recently, a little ashamed of it to admit it to anyone, even himself. But when he's horny enough, he gets shameless and desperate about what he wants, and god, nothing is more beautiful than Tom when he asks for what he wants. He feels something growing inside of him, not sure if it's warmth or heat, but seeing Tom like that, wanting him, needing him, definitely makes him feel so much better.

"Yeah?" Andy asks, tracing a finger over Tom's shoulder, close to his neck, just to give him goosebumps.

"Fuck yes, I want it so bad, and you deserve it too, Andy… Sir. You're the best Sir I could ask for, I just want… Want you to use me, want you to cum on me, want to kiss you all over and worship you and pleasure you, you're so gorgeous..." He hides his face in Andy's shoulder for a bit, but his hips don't stop moving. He whines, "Andy..."

"Address me properly," Andy snaps, feeling the edges of worry clear from his mind and giving way to that wonderful feeling of clear-mindedness, of power, where nothing matters but his own pleasure. "And maybe I'll give you what you want, if you earn it."

Tom nods, hips full on thrusting now, and Andy snaps again. "Stay still."

And he does, immediately, without question, biting his lip and keeping his eyes shut with effort. Andy can feel his thighs clenching and spasming over his, trying to keep himself from moving, trying to be good. He hums in appreciation, but doesn't praise him for it, not yet.

"I'll get you ready," Andy explains, before reaching to Tom's hair, and starts to undo his bun, as slow as possible, just to watch him squirm. He gets so impatient when Andy undresses him, which is why Andy never misses a chance to drag it out.

He begins by removing Tom's jacket, sliding his hands slowly over his shoulders, then down his back, feeling the firm muscle there, digging his nails just a little bit so he can see Tom's eyes flutter in bliss. When the jacket falls to the floor, Andy begins circling the hem of his shirt, sliding until his hands are back on front, fingers just close enough to Tom's cock for him to feel Tom tense in his hands, so damn sensitive to his touch, so needy. God, he can't get enough of this, but he pretends that he doesn't notice, lets Tom try and keep himself together as Andy's hands slide over his belly, then chest, over the shirt, collarbone, wrapping and resting on Tom's throat just so he feels the threat of it, before Andy finally grabs the back of the shirt's collar and tugs, taking it off. Then he slides his hands back down, making sure to run a finger just over the sensitive spot where his pecs end, then lower, over his ribcage, belly, hips, next to the bruises where Andy had grabbed him the night before, then back to the middle, just over the bulge in his pants, and Tom finally breaks and jerks up slightly, letting out a little moan.

"Sir," he whines, "please, please, I-" Andy continues to circle the head of his cock with his finger, "please!"

"Patience," is all he says, before going back to his painfully light movements, imagining Tom's needy cock twitching under his fingers, imagining the effort Tom makes not to thrust up or keep begging for more, just because Andy told him not to. "You know how much I like playing with your pretty little cock. You said you wanted to serve me, didn't you?"

"Yes- yes, Sir."

He hums, noncommittally, not looking at him. "Good." He teases the tip of his clothed cock some more, enjoying the way his mind zeroes on that, the way he feels like he has all the power and the time in the world. Finally, he pats Tom's thigh once. "Get off, and take off the rest of your clothes. Get the lube and a condom."

Tom gets up, a little shaky, and does as instructed, while Andy reaches down to the drawer under the bed where he keeps his dick's spine and a few of their toys. He gets the spine, then adjusts his packer briefs so he can put it on - best purchase of his life, really, those briefs. So much easier to use than a regular strap-on and it makes the packer sit over his clit just right, making a little suction and pressure. Andy couldn't be happier that he was already wearing them.

Tom gets back with everything he asked right in time for Andy to finish making his dick hard, and goes on to put the condom on and cover Andy's cock in lube with the kind of attention that makes Andy hold his breath. Tom's so careful, yet eager, and adoring, about it. Andy feels like the hottest guy in the world.

Once he gets permission, Tom sits on his cock, slowly, getting adjusted to it - admittedly, Andy went a little overboard when he bought his first cock. Andy waits until Tom is fully seated, littering his neck with little kisses and praise for how well he's taking him, how pretty he looks, until Tom looks fully comfortable and ready to start complaining if Andy doesn't start fucking him in earnest soon. That's when Andy shows him the other item he pulled from the drawer - Tom's favorite collar.

Tom's reaction is instantaneous. He throws his head back, moving over Andy's cock as he lets out a breathless, almost choked moan; the hands he had resting on Andy's shoulders suddenly squeezing full force in his need.

"God, you're such a whore," Andy says, casually, and Tom nods, even as he flushes. The collar is just a simple black one, with a little hoop for the leash, but inside they had it engraved with the words Andy's whore, and it left visible marks that could be seen for a few hours after they took it off. It never failed to drive Tom crazy, so it always drove Andy crazy, too. "Stay still," he warns, and Tom nods, breathing heavily, gripping Andy's shoulder as tight as he can as he stays frozen in place. Andy slowly puts it around his neck, checking with his finger to make sure it's not too tight, and the second he clasps it in place, Tom's whole body relaxes, a content little sigh escaping his lips, his face slack and blissed out. He likes being owned, so much. Andy can't get enough of it. "Good?" he asks, just to make sure it's not too tight.

"Perfect," Tom answers, the words leaving him in a sigh. Andy then ties the leash to the headboard, making sure that they're just far enough from it that he'll be feeling its pull the whole time. Tom lets out a moan. "Thank you, Sir."

Andy smirks. "Now, here's what I want you to do," he says, "you're going to ride me, just like that, and you're not going to come until I tell you to. You're definitely not going to come before I do. If you come close, you'll have to tell me. I want to hear you scream, so make as much noise as you want. Do you understand?"

Tom nods again, almost dizzyingly quick. "Yes, Sir."

"Good, then get to it."

Tom doesn't need to be told twice. He starts riding him, slowly at first, trying to find the perfect angle for Andy - not himself, Andy notices, pleased. Once it's perfect, Andy orders, "faster, slut,” and Tom obeys, as always, working up speed as he tries to keep himself upright, feeling the tug of his leash with every movement, moaning the whole time. “Good boy,” Andy says, and Tom’s responding whine is high pitched, embarrassing, needy. He gets even faster then, starting to babble as he keeps on working, and Andy just stays casually in place, not having to do a single thing while Tom works to give him pleasure.

"Fuck, you're so perfect, did you know that?" Tom asks, quickly sliding down on Andy's cock, making sure he puts all this weight in the end so Andy's cock will press down against his clit just the way he likes, making sure to go as deep as possible, "I've been dreaming of your cock for days, god, Sir, nothing's better than this," he hides his face in Andy's shoulder, speeding up even more, thighs shaking with the effort, and Andy puts a fist in his hair and pulls, watching as Tom throws his head back and lets out a scream, working even faster on Andy's cock. "Sir!," he whines, "oh, thank you, thank you, feels so good, oh my god, please, I'm gonna-"

"No, you won't," Andy interrupts, "I'm not even close to coming yet. Keep working, slut."

"Y-yes, Sir," he whines, going faster, deeper, and Andy makes it harder for him, keeps pulling at his hair to expose his neck, litters kisses and bites on his exposed throat, grabs his thigh and squeezes hard enough to bruise so Tom remembers he's his, his whore, his toy.

"I love it when you get like this," Andy says, doing his best to keep his tone even, even as he's a little breathless from pleasure, from power, "I bet you want to come so bad, don't you? If I'd just give you the word, you'd be making a mess of yourself, coming on my cock right now-"

"Fuck! Yes, yes, Sir, please, I'm so close."

Andy smiles. "No."

Tom whines, so cute, adorable, and Andy is nice enough to leave a little kiss on his shoulder, grounding, calming him down. Before going right back to torturing him, "no, you don't get to come for a long time yet. I want you just like this, on edge, tasting it…" Andy grins. "Tell me how close you are, baby."

"I'm- I'm so close-"

Andy slaps him in the face. "You can do better than that."

"Fuck, I feel like I'm going to explode, I'm so close, I want it so bad, and you feel so good, God, you have no idea what you do to me, Sir, your cock is so perfect, it hurts, I need it- need to cum on your cock, Sir, please-"

"No."

Tom chokes on a moan, and starts to go even faster. He lets out a little whine, something Andy thinks was supposed to be a word, but doesn't come close.

"See," Andy says, "this is why I won't let you come. Look at you - every time I tell you no, you get so desperate, so obedient - it's what you want, isn't it? You want me to keep telling you no, you want to know your pleasure doesn't matter, that you're just here to serve me."

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes-"

"Good, then keep going. And beg all you want- I like telling you no, too."

Tom does. He begs, and he says thank you when Andy denies him, again and again and again. Thank you, Sir, thank you for using me, for putting me in my place, I'm yours, I'm yours. And he keeps on praising Andy, praising his cock, his body, the way he fucks him and uses him, no one else makes me feel like this, no one deserves to be worshipped and served like you, Sir, I want to make you feel good-... Until even the clear-minded state of domspace begins to crumble and Andy feels nothing but pleasure, and confidence, and power, and he cums to the sound of Tom praising him and begging, once, twice, three times, until his head is clear again and everything, even the need to chase his own pleasure, is gone, and he just feels perfect.

"Stop," he orders Tom, who's still babbling more and more incoherently, endless praise and worship, and Andy finds that he worships Tom right back. "I want you to get my cock as deep inside you as you can, and stay still. I'm going to play with your dick for a while, and when I tell you to, you can come. You did well today, baby."

Tom nods, suddenly struggling to use his words. "T-thank you, Sir," he says, already frozen in place, thighs clenching with the effort not to move and also shaking with all the effort he did before.

Andy coos. "Poor baby. You were so good to me today. Let me take care of you."

"You always- always do, Sir," Tom replies, and Andy smiles.

He gives Tom a long, slow handjob, making sure Tom stays still through it, enjoying the way his thighs shake on top of Andy's, the pressure of Tom sitting tight on his cock, the way his arms also shake with effort where they rest around Andy's neck; Tom's pretty, exposed throat all marked up around his collar, his breathless little whines as Andy makes sure to do it just the way he likes it, makes his cock turn red with need; watches Tom bite his lip, because when he has to keep still he becomes so quiet and needy, even as the little whines go through his lips… Until Andy finally says, "come for me, baby," and Tom screams through an orgasm that lasts almost a minute, hanging on to Andy as tightly as he can to keep himself anchored through the pleasure.

And then Andy holds him, and Tom holds him back, and they hold each other.

----

A while later, they've cleaned up Tom's cum so it doesn't get all sticky on Andy's chest, and Andy's finally taken off those damn briefs - they're great for sex, but get pretty tight when you wear them for a long time - and Andy holds Tom against his chest. He's humming, contently, and if anyone had told him at the beginning of the day that he'd be comfortable enough to have someone close to him while he's fully naked, he'd - well, probably assume they meant Tom, but still be skeptical.

"How do you feel?" Tom asks after a little while, finally opening up his eyes and saying hello to the world.

"That's supposed to be my line," Andy laughs.

"I feel great. Perfect. Next time, I wanna do it for longer. A week? Let's try a week. Or two weeks…?"

Andy laughs. "Let's not make too big of a leap yet."

"Fine. A week sounds good. Great. And now that we've established that denial is totally bomb for me, how are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I'm feeling great, too," Andy admits, playing with a little stray of Tom's hair, swirling it around his finger, "I think I needed that, a little bit. Who'd have thought that having you ride me and praise my cock cures dysphoria."

"Every trans top on every forum I've ever visited."

"Let me have my moment of realization," Andy mumbles, faux-annoyed. Tom just laughs, holding him closer.

"I'm just glad I could help," he says.

"Please tell me you didn't ride my cock just to help."

"Well, no, in case you hadn't noticed, I was horny as fuck. I just tried to, you know. Use that to give you a little push. Since you wanted to. Y'know. Also, it was all true. So..."

"Thanks, love," Andy says, earnestly. "I love you."

"I love you more."

They bicker about it, and Andy's smiling the rest of the day.

[hueningshaped]

☆ crown | xu minghao and jeon wonwoo

▰ genre: college au! / NO READER INSERT = ORIGINAL CHARACTER / drama, coming of age, romantic, angst ... so original characters and seventeen *gasp* you guessed it — a svt fanfic

▰ word count: about 2.7k

▰ a/n: interest check of a full fledged story i’ve planned but am refraining to put effort in due to possible, complete lack of reads or audience (nobody’s fault but mine). i’d love to hear your feedback! this is chapter one; please let me know if i should continue or just leave it at this LOL

▰ synopsis: jo woolim can’t juggle to save her life, and yet she is somehow managing to stay with her boyfriend: jeon wonwoo, who is possibly cheating on her (again), her strained friendships, fitting into her new school, estranged family, learning to wholly love and forgive herself - in a time unprecedented and searching for the boy of her dreams, xu minghao, the prodigal foreign exchange student. she’s looking for real love, where it’s lacking, where it’s needed, and where it’s always been. by the way, it is not easy!

▰ additional: i listened to epilogue by justin hurtwitz as well as mia and sebastian’s theme (which is somewhat a reprise of it despite it being previous to epilogue, of course) as i wrote it so here u go!

Jo Woolim's feet hurt for multiple reasons, but getting stood up, time and time again, to now, at the age of twenty three is the main contribution to the pain.

The stairs are a pretty humiliating choice of seating, especially to conduct her double digit calls to the person who stood her up, which is her harmless best friend, Sookyung. So, no hard feelings, right? (Right?)

She shouldn't even be that embarrassed because it's not Wonwoo — the Jeon Wonwoo, her very own boyfriend — that stood her up, but she supposes she can be since he'd refused to go and even teased her about wanting to go.

The staircase is fine marble, allowing each footstep to click and clack with each heel that ascends because the party's just beginning. With this venue mimicking a palace, Woolim feels way out of place. Some girls have poofy dresses and others possess thinner material, accentuating the hills of each girl's curves and edges walking in. The boys are all the same, offering the bare minimum. Why does everyone get to be beautiful except her?

Shaking the last thought off, Woolim exerts so much effort to make it look like being alone and ugly doesn't bother her. But, she has to bite the bullet and make a move.

So, her legs spring up, taking her up to the rest of the party. She ignores the heat accumulating from the small of her back to just about every part of her body as she walks in, trying to take everything in and not look like such a loser. Jesus, is everyone looking at her? Are they talking about her?

There were definitely perks to this new university and one of them is the commencement of her class, which arrives in the form of a ceremony with a festivity that follows immediately after. Of course, as a transfer, she gets the initiation that throws a theme, so she has to wear the clown paint and clothes that they inform you to wear to match.

All she is missing is a crown and she's a royal fool.

The Masquerade Ball, as the provost and student affairs staff, had been rumored since before she'd even transferred to the school, which added up to just two months ago. Three months before, she had received that acceptance letter.

She should've known.

Woolim stifles a cough, hoping that the callousing - painful callousing - in her soles due to her starchy dress shoes would be able to mask the humiliation that was beginning to sting behind her eyes.

Of course, she had no identity, but everyone still looks over at her in pity.

The room offered dim lighting, romantic hues of pinks, and citrusy chardonnay beading the adjacent walls. Woolim thirsts for an exit.

The song changes to something unattainable audibly but she must not even be able to hear herself, and before she knows, someone to the side of Woolim bumps into her, back slamming against her body and into the wall.

A frantic, male voice follows, yelping out apologies, as he reaches down to pull her up.

"Jesus, I'm so sorry. Told him to not try and shake what his mama gave him and here we are, here you are, we're both so sorry..." Woolim's vision focuses as she returns to eye level and manages a minor grin at the boy as much of his appearance stands out wonderfully.

With heavily dyed platinum hair, a turquoise suit with rhinestones in various floral designs across the front and wrists, tiger eyes, and led lights curling around the outline of his mask, this boy looked like a lot of fun. A head of chestnut locks remain bowed by his shoulder.

The blond grabs her palm desperately, and he's making wailing sounds.

"I apologize for not only Seokmin but for his upbringing. May Satan guide him in return." He prayed aloud, apology too comical to be real but nonetheless real.

Woolim finally speaks up when the music quiets down just a touch and she doesn't have to stammer to be heard.

"No, you're fine! I can't really see with this mask." She reveals, voice too out there for its own good, but at this, the boy's eyes expand in shock and the bowed head lifts up with intrigue.

"Are you sure? It was pretty rude of us, wasn't it, Seokmin?" He nudges his friend, who's dressed in a simpler, humbler suit, who nods sullenly.

"I'm really, really embarrassed... besides, I think she gets it, Soonyoung."

"Whatever, Oprah singer."

"It's opera!"

The air around them hardens as they begin to bicker. Seokmin places his hands on his hips to deliver his rebuttals but the last thing that Woolim wants is to make two friends fight, let alone cause trouble while she has no date.

"I really am alright! No harm done. I'm just...a little relieved actually that someone's speaking to me," she admits wincingly. There's no need to be as honest as possible, but that doesn't stop her from adding, "I didn't come to the ball with anyone."

The two boys frown and coo, letting out maple syrupy aw's, surprisingly sympathizing with her.

"If it makes you feel any better, our dates were too busy to come, so he and I came together. We also do have another buddy with us, officially making it a threesome!" Soonyoung chats loudly and Seokmin elbows him in the chest at the last comment.

"That's not what a threesome is, Soon."

"Whatever," he waves his hand dismissively. Woolim notices that despite the gravity between the two friends, they remain focused on her. It feels nice. "We did lose him a little while ago though. Maybe he's around here somewhere."

Woolim then levels with them to form a line so she could follow their eye as they peer around the venue, which seems futile since their view is obscured by the angle, decorations, and crowds. The opaque curtains of the many entrances within the main venue gave the illusion that this place was endless. It feels like a trance that went on forever. Reality washes over Woolim and she can feel the weight of being the person one meets and should leave.

"Uh...I'm sorry for getting in your guys' way initially," she announces with a tone that makes her seem unsure of the words on her tongue. Seokmin rolls his head over at her, eyebrows drawing inwardly and puppy dog eyes. She's about to coolly and casually make her leave to no longer bother the boys, but Soonyoung has a different idea.

"Nonsense! It was our fault to begin with, and to repay your gracious hand," Soonyoung then motions to Woolim's bare hand as the other apparels one silky dress glove. "We're trying to at least become an even foursome with you and our friend! God knows where the hell the great Minghao is though!"

"Right behind you." A chilling, oolonged voice speaks up suddenly and startled enough, Woolim's disposition remains unaffected despite her heart catching up to leap in her chest with her delayed reaction.

"Minghao, you wanted to give me a heart attack, didn't you?" Seokmin sighs dramatically, voice hitching to imitate crying. Upon hearing the rich laugh, Woolim tips her head slowly and changes her footing to turn round.

The supposed Minghao peers down at Woolim, unreadable expression through the simple glow of his ivory mask. His raven black hair, lengthy and healthy, adorns his crown like he deserves a throne to come with the apparel.

"We found a person and we found you!" Soonyoung hesitantly wraps his hand around Woolim's wrist, loosely keeping his fingers around to lift and wave.

Minghao snickers delicately.

"I found you actually," he corrects, eyeing his friends, even meeting Woolim's to speak. "And I'm sure you didn't meet because of an accident, right?"

"That was on my part," Woolim speaks up but bites on her bottom lip once his piercing gaze trains upon her. "Sorry..."

"You’ve done no wrong, though?" Minghao's lips stretches into a wonderful smile.

" — yeah, it was Seokmin." Soonyoung mutters, earning himself a tiny shove.

"Minghao, you didn't come here with anyone for a date, right?" Seokmin poses. Woolim notices from his accent that Korean is not his first language but has such a grip with his words, it almost passes one's mind initially.

"Not this time," he answers nebulously. Woolim has to hold back a scowl. "If you’d like, I would love to have you... er, and what's your name?"

She can feel Soonyoung's and Seokmin's excited watch upon her but since this is the first night that she's seen boys be so decent, she figures she might, as well, make their night. They certainly have made hers, after all, excluding this Minghao at the moment.

"I'm Woolim. W-Woolim," she says twice, one too many. Minghao's expression loosens with pleasant awe.

"No surname?" He quizzes, voice too serious for it to be a joke. Woolim feels absolutely no urge to joke around, anxiety fizzing in the very marrow of her bones, so she just shakes her head and hopes he wouldn't see her cocked eyebrow.

"Well," he clears his throat. "I'm Xu Minghao. Seo Myungho. I've got 4 names."

"I've got three," Soonyoung pipes up and everyone groans.

"Soonyoung, don't say it in front of her. That's so gross." Seokmin leans over to shake his head but eye Woolim, in the way that friends who’ve known each other for a long time do. It's a nice feeling.

The music changes, taking a turn from some pop electronica to some heavy pulse from a contemporary rhythm and blues type, and the bass rocks hard enough to shake her ribs.

Minghao locks eyes with her and beams charmingly. He even takes her surprise further by reaching a hand out, fingers long and elegant.

"Would you care to dance with me? Or do you want to take this chance to leave like you were looking for earlier?"

Woolim feels like she merely imagined him asking the last question, which leads her to consider bolting for the doors last minute. Surely, Wonwoo would be home and maybe tonight, he'd be in the mood to love her and like her.

Oh, what she'd do to be loved and liked at the same time.

"Do what you would like," his tone lightens into something sweeter like rosehip. "I don't think you should put your lovely ensemble to waste."

Woolim swallows hard at that and just when she is about to acknowledge the two excited chitters from the other two boys, Minghao takes her hand into his. A cool grip overtakes a clammy warmth. Wordlessly, they somehow sail across the linoleum floor.

All the half hidden faces that had been judging her now evaporate with the blue and green lighting, hues and keys ascending into reds and minors.

Minghao is the type to maintain eye contact and Woolim hates it.

In the back of her mind, bits and pieces of her mind offer memories of what she could see of herself in the reflections. Since Sookyung shared the same favorite color that she did, Woolim went with another: sleet blue. Thin straps hang off her thick shoulders that had a loose, lace cover across her biceps and chest. The hems are riddled with sparkles and flowers. The rest of the silk sticks to each and every edge of her body before drifting off past her chronically swollen ankles with the extra layers adding volume. Her skin appears mottled but overall amber. Her mask is ridden in silvery lace and false white gems and roses. Woolim never knew she could look lovely.

"Do you mind if I hold you close?" He leads, raising their joined hands to sway.

Woolim opens her mouth only to nod. Despite the darkness of the brown and the dim lighting, she sees that his eyes are dotted with flames of the bits of lighting around the venue. The night of his pupils burn right through her and yet she only feels sparks from him, especially once his other hand comes to gently graze her waist.

"Are you okay with this?" He sways them a little more to the right with each movement. Woolim doesn't fancy being this quiet and immobile so she moves his hand into her. His hold is gentle and electrifying as if eternities have passed since she's last been embraced as sweetly as this.

"How long have you gone to this school?" Minghao leans in to better emphasize his question.

"I just transferred, actually," she says as casually as possible since the strokes they make when they sway are becoming too grand for her to catch up.

He's incredibly quick on his feet, so much so that her eyes must drop to follow their direction. Many bodies and pairs round about the two, but they all blend in with the backdrop of the room.

"Follow my counts. One, two, three ─" He drifts into quadrants, slow enough for her to catch up but she continues to knock into his chest. "─ and four. Let's go again. You're alright, I promise. Seokmin used to firmly believe his body was not built at all for anything besides existing."

Woolim glances to the side to see Seokmin rocking his hips next to Soonyoung side to side within frequent increments. They also somehow manage to can-can despite the slow synth and phrases of the song.

"Are you always this quiet?" Minghao breathes and this question catches her off guard. Perhaps taking her breath away had been his intention and he uses this to intertwine their fingers like they're meant to be.

"I’d tell you a lie but since you don't know me, I'm going to tell you the truth; I think I like having you try and get me to talk." Woolim purses her lips tightly as soon as she finds herself smirking.

Minghao steps back, which she nearly leaps to follow, but with the gentlest pivot of his wrist, Woolim twirls like one of the toys she'd wanted all her childhood. Her chest rides past the clouds and her heart pursues, shuttling upwards.

"My goodness, you're a natural!" He comments when he swings her to one side and right back into his embrace. She's smiling.

The song is still playing, and if at all possible, it's hanging above her head precariously and it's just the two of them on the planet.

"Are you sure you don't want me to know you?" He asks once more, and this time, she sheds a few feathers of her insecurities.

The song is still as powerful enough to beat as her heart.

"You ask a lot of questions, Minghao." She manages to grin and their steps narrow to continue to tread the same space.

He peers down at her and the flames are still lit.

"I can't help it. Honestly, honestly. I want to know you truly, honestly."

His loving smile buckles under the bite into his lip. She must be lying when she sees his eyes drop to her mouth. This must be a dream.

"I'm-I'm an open book," she murmurs, captivated by his own lips, and gasps quietly when the hand on her waist is suddenly cupping her jaw. No, she is not, the more authoritative Woolim reprimands silently. But it matters not - she's not loud either.

The song is still playing. It could play for eternities.

He rubs her cheek so tenderly and it has her eyes all a twinkle without realizing.

Wonwoo is no longer a thought. Sookyung no longer crosses her mind.

It only takes a few more countless seconds of wordless confirmation before Minghao dives in to take her lips with his and something behind her rib cage blossoms. He speaks against her mouth, but she doesn't care. She doesn't care.

He continues devouring her lips for the taking and she's left speechless, breaths searching for something to hold onto in between their own mouths.

The daily lows of her life are a fleeting death as she now soars high in a fairy tale-like limelight that only pertains to the two of them. All she's missing is a crown.

Where is her crown? Her mind's whispers fade with every proceeding second. And for once, Woolim feels so good that nothing matters.

[starswake--archived]

A bit late but 6, 12, 18, 25, 29, 31 for the Echoes asks 😁

Have a nice day buddy 💙💙

FRANKIEEEEEE THANK U ILY I hope you're doing well!! :>

Echoes Ask

6. What’s your favorite song?

answered here ! But CAN I TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE PRIDE AND ARROGANCE MMMMMMM okay I know I'm such a weenie when it comes to Berkut (my bitch fave) But THE POWER THAT THAT SONG HOLDS???? FOR THE FIRST INTRO WE GET OF HIM HOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAN much impressed...

Okay and the scene too... How it starts really quiet, muffled behind closed doors, the emphasis from Fernand's perspective that he's only getting a general idea of what it's like to be in Berkut's presence unTIL the doors open and you are greeted by the vast ballroom, and just the sheer power you can feel radiating off of Berkut -- when the music surges louder hoooooooooly shit dude

ALSO they play the song when you first go up against Berkut and that's my favorite too because you're once again being greeted by this absolutely suffocating aura he dons. And it's just super funny when you wind up beating him on the battlefield and putting a halt to the song -- putting a halt to his ego. mwah It's just absolutely perfection

12. Of all the antagonists, which one is your favorite?

If the last answer didn't make it obvious, I just really like Berkut KLAJDSF I know he was an addition to SoV and wasn't in Gaiden, but his appearance makes the game so fun and carries out the whole theme of arrogance vs humility so well... And they did such a good job building him for a newly added character so I couldn't help but be charmed...Not that I know anything about Gaiden and how it was like in there, but STILL

18. Who’s your favorite VA performance?

HAHAHA YOU HAVE ASKED ONCE MORE FOR ME TO SPEW ABOUT VA PERFORMANCES

God if I hadn't answered this before this whole post could just be about how much I like Berkut. Wouldn't that be awful lol

BUT to stop the Berkut train, I think my favorite performance would also include Kyle McCarley's performance as Alm ; v; Which...I guess is a given since Alm is my favorite character askdjfahl Anyways, I knew Kyle has a good range from his performance as 9S in Nier Automata, but it was nice to see him in a different context where he's not descending into madness and grief and trying to destroy the world haha He does such a good job to capture Alm's idealistic and optimistic self while balancing his more serious sides when it comes to making decisions. I was actually watching his stream for Echoes before I had a chance to play it! It was fun to hear his thought process while playing as Alm and even hearing him commenting on his own performance (like there's one cry that Alm does and he immediately cringed and went "oh god why'd they with that cut ooph" and I kinda have to agree there it was a weird cry lol). We were so close to having a very sarcastic Alm btw... When they first meet Clair and Clair keeps referring to him as "farmboy" Kyle reaaaally wanted Alm to be snarky and I would've loved to see that but we already have Kliff for that I think XD

25. Who do you agree with more, Mila or Duma?

I think I'd agree with Mila more, but I find myself torn by both after entering into Act 4 of Echoes. I really like Duma's belief that humans shouldn't have to rely on gods to live and finding strength in themself, but I abhor how the society winded up making a lot of Rigelians really harsh and selfish, with a few folks such as Tatiana who thought of helping those who would suffer the most from this mindset. Meanwhile, I like that Mila is really supportive and caring to her people, but even that life, people grew greedy and lived in such excess that they take things for granted (thinking of Celica's father for example and even Grieth too)

29. What’s your favorite canon pair and why?

Aside from Alm and Celica, my other favorite canon pair is Clive and Mathilda alksdjfal I'll admit when I saw them I was so offput because they really were just on top of each other a lot in their supports and I was just hoi geez guys calm down but honestly who couldn't love the line "Now go forth and tear the enemy apart like the beautiful war maiden you are".

Now that's true love right there, chief lol I just couldn't help but love their love haha

31. Which characters do you think should have had a support together? (Characters from different routes are fine, too!)

I muse a lot of Sonya, Genny, and Silque having supports, but I'm also curious what a Celica and Kliff support would look like? I know that Celica can recruit Kliff but I don't know if he says anything different (I'm going to check that after I finish this ask lmao), but I know they don't have supports. I think it might have added to Celica's route a whole lot too because Kliff does mention how Celica's the type to clam up and believe people wouldn't understand. And Kliff says he often does the same, too, so I'd be interested to see what it'd be like if Kliff had called out Celica on this and then Celica pretty much doing the same to Kliff too lol

[advernia]

moved this over to a text post, hope u don’t mind anon! ( ᐛ )و

ANYWAY EEEEEE THANK YOU AND I’D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO SHARE!!!! o(*≧□≦)o tbh this headcanon is me 100% refusing to accept that post-route!alice just stays in red/black army hq as a… uh, maid??? cook??? cheerleader??? idk lmao but imo alice has a lot of potential with her canon profession lolol! okay so maybe they did her justice in kyle’s route bc she ends up as his assistant but as for other routes fight me cybird (ง •̀_•́)ง

context side a

i got the idea after reading fenrir’s dramatic end, where alice gets a job in cradle’s best confectionery (like wow lmao if only getting a job was that fast irl). anyway!!! i’d like to dream that alice does this for all routes + a month after the route events (sans kyle’s). you’d think she doesn’t need to get a job especially if her ikeman’s part of the red army, but she does this bc she wants to. and to feel less like a freeloader lmao. since the situation’s different with the neutrals, this isn’t much of an issue.

so, yay! she feels better about passing time productively + having her own lin to spend but tbh she doesn’t really buy much stuff???? eventually she saves up quite the amount that it becomes a problem - what could/should she do with that much cash????

tbh the idea to start her own business came from her boss lol…. it started from his objective assessment that she was good enough to open her own shop… eventually she starts entertaining the idea…. then she gets second opinions from friends + ikeman…. and she actually does it after much consideration?!??! her boss is shook, but he wishes her well anyway! he gets a free slice of cake whenever he visits the cafe lol!

so alice ends up with a cafe! since confectioneries were more on selling than service + she’s on her own now & has a lot of stuff to handle on her own, she becomes pretty busy and takes some time to adjust, but eventually she gets by! it’s tiring, but she enjoys her every day!

any of her extra profits she chooses to donate to various causes + she eventually ends up becoming some sort of sponsor to the armies with all her donations HELLA RAD ೕ(•̀ᴗ•́)

context side b

alternatively, in a common route scenario where amon still gets his ass kicked + alice stays in cradle but doesn’t fall in love with that one ikeman (no one falls in love…. not yet LMAO), she lives with the black/red army + works in a confectionery until she has enough to buy a home of her own. blanc + oliver + mousse have been secretly helping her scout around for a good place. it’s only when everything’s ready that she talks to the black/red army about her intentions.

get this - her general explanation goes this way: she starts off by saying that she’s very thankful that everyone has accommodated her and she’ll always be in their debt, but now that she’s living as an actual resident of cradle and no longer just a guest, she’d hate to impose on them any further. to boot, she’s not even an official part of the army + a soldier, so it may look odd that she’s still staying within army hq. stuff about reputation and pride, something like that.

the black army (see: seth) is sad about this, but they understand her sentiments and let her go. after a three-day long party. aaaaand of course, they’re more than willing to do any heavy lifting for her move + just anything in general - all she needed to do was ask!

the red army respects her decision as well, and they’re… more subtle in expressing their disappointment (how is jonah’s blatant frown even subtle lol). like the black army, they let her go + remind her that she can always ask them for help. 

so alice lives alone for a couple of months.... then the armies hear that she’s planning to open a cafe from blanc.... ha.... the black army totally helps her out with general recontrustion + repairs. she does not take no for an answer when she pays them for their work lmao. plus, they totally helped her out by giving her tours around the stalls on the central quarter market that give the best bargains + freshest produce! the flowers alice put up for decoration + plant outside her yard are always sponsored by canis major..... and seth drops by regularly to talk about trending aesthetics alice could adapt in the cafe!

the red army’s idea of helping her out with her cafe is to send her furniture + kitchen appliances + sets of tableware.... they’re gorgeous + simple but UMMMM????? alice literally panics about the kitchen, especially about the stove + oven bc it be so fine.... and expensive-looking.... but negotiating with lancelot + jonah is like talking to a brick + diamond wall so edgar + kyle + zero convince her to just take it lmao - it isn’t much, but lancelot gets a free drink & jonah a free mille-feuille each time they visit!

again: she donates to various causes + sends the black/red army a fair amount of her extra profits each month! she’d give more to the red army bc she still can’t get over their....... generous gifts and how much they probably cost lmao....... edgar stops her there though bc honestly..... do u think the red army needs more money??????????

the cafe

so why in central of all places? actually, it does make sense to set up a business there since it’s like the country’s central business district. but if i’d base it from alice’s general personality, i think she’d choose central bc that’s where every citizen of cradle; whether they be from red, black, or neutral territory, all gather together. in central, she can see every side living side cradle, not just red or black - and in a simple establishment like a cafe, something simple like food can bring all those different sides together.

she set up her cafe in central with the thought of helping in the efforts of bridging the gap between the armies + to have an actual experience of how it is to live as a citizen of cradle. technically she is one already, but sometimes living in cradle is really so different from living in london. it makes her feel displaced sometimes.

her cafe is probably somewhere close to blanc’s house or smth and u bet that blanc is very happy to have a pretty lady living close by/around his neighborhood lmao! but if you want to be serious about it, this is intentional on blanc’s part bc her safety isn’t exactly assured after the magic tower fiasco - disciple stragglers might come back for her, and since the whole of cradle already knows that she’s the alice the second, there may be other people/groups lurking around that are interested in her power......

in comparison to most cafes in central, alice’s place is relatively small - she doesn’t mind though, since she’s running the place on her own. the thought of expanding makes her doubt her capability of providing + distributing the same quality of service + attention she usually gives to a small crowd.

alice changes the cafe decors + scents according to each season!!! in general, she wants her cafe to have a homey, relaxing feel, doing her best to impart a feel of london + her hometown in her cafe. you’d think that seasonal redecorating would be a hassle, but magic makes that process very easy... once she learns about cradle’s unique holidays + festivals, she also redecorates + tweaks her menu in tune to the special day!

a variety of sandwiches + light meals such as pastas are on the menu now and then, but her cafe is well-known for the desserts. like the decor, the food + drink selection adjusts accordingly to the season.

her edge among her competitors is the fact that she’s from the land of reason - her techniques + use/handling of ingredients + and other assorted methods are quite different from that practiced in cradle since they have the advantage of magic. tastes, colors, textures, and even presentation end up differently. plus, she knows how to make various foods + sweets unfamiliar to cradle, so some of the stuff she makes are seen as novelty to the locals!

she does pay attention to what tastes of london are positively + negatively recepted in cradle though - from there she experiments or improvises her recipes, and seeks out feedback immediately.

following context side b, i’m all in for the romance with her ikeman developing here instead OH YEAAAH ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) it’s a lot more hectic tho since it’s an open playground and there are the.... common interferences..... coughsethcoughlokicough LMAO

also!!! following all the not-so-spoilery content of her + seth, i’ve recently been digging the idea of nojisha / rapunzel (localization ain’t being subtle anymore lol) working + possibly living in alice’s cafe too bc god knows that alice needs an actual girl friend among all that testosterone lmao!

rapunzel’s more of a waitress but is totally into designing whatever cakes + drinks + pastries alice has on the menu and on display… takes dibs in writing out the menu on the chalkboard as her chance to practice some pretty lettering… and also actively helps out alice in picking seasonal decors + packaging for the cafe!

on the sidelines rapunzel also keeps a close eye on alice bc… heh… them odd folks coming in for the foods but staying longer for the girl(s)… those red army officers dropping by more often even if they’re on patrol…. dudes from the civic center + other colorful characters talking so familiarly to alice…. yaaa~n! pick up the pace, onii-chan!!! lmao

depending on who’s the ikeman out for alice, rapunzel can and will cockblock, omfg...... she’ll totally stop if she sees that alice has mutual feelings for the guy but sometimes rapunzel really has impeccable, unintentional timing haha... seth hyde, what have u been teaching ur little sister smh (ಡ艸ಡ)

opening time: 6AM, closing: 7PM. accepts orders of wedding + birthday cakes, does not handle catering. for any inquiries, pls call....... (^ц^ )

other

alice’s cafe develops different reputations depending on who she ends up with LMAO........ local newspapers + cradle’s grapevine love her cafe and totally not bc they can get a glimpse of the red/black army chosen if they get their timing right haHA..... here’s a couple of examples:

if she’s with mousse, her cafe has quite the interesting reputation! while there’s a good selection of the local teas/coffees in her menu, there’s also a fair share of exotic blends with brief details about the country where the blend is from + how the beverage is prepared + possible tastes, written by no other than mousse himself! sometimes alice showcases some limited edition sweets + pastries made from an interesting mix of local and foreign ingredients + spices too......

if she ends up with a king, novels/tales + plays + songs/poems about royalty/nobility falling for the common worker (lancelot) or adventures of a hero and a maiden (ray) suddenly become a thing™….. the boom is especially huge in black/red territory, be it from nobles to commoners.... another common point??? there’s always a cafe referenced in there, a rendezvous point some way or another in the story… and it sounds veeeeery familiar, even if they switch the setting into a tavern/inn, hmmmm....

did you know that one cafe in central quarter is owned by alice the second, the woman who’s rumored to be the lover of cradle’s most notorious criminal + strongest wizard???? no???? are they really a thing??? do you think the stuff she sells in her cafe is fit is for consumption???? does she make those cakes herself or does she ask the wizard to make it through dark magic or are those smuggled goods??????? man, those cakes are damn good though!!!!!

newspaper headlines: students of cradle’s local boarding school promptly create a literal lake of tears in the central quarter after spending time and meeting a kind cafe owner who happens to really be their terror professor’s lover (side note: this article was removed upon the request of a certain mr. d.)

the sole exemption i have for this hc is kyle’s alice! she has her hands full + committing herself to being a doctor’s assistant so opening a cafe doesn’t cross her mind, but that doesn’t stop her from making treats now and then for their patients… in fact, becomes a thing among the children of cradle that if you be a good boy/girl who takes their medicine + shots from the redhead doctor without complaining, the pretty assistant lady will give you a tasty treat for being so well-behaved! (*≧▽≦)

[emeraldtawny]

Zero x MC: Baby Steps

Request from one of the main reasons I scream over fanfiction: @chiefofthepigs :

May I request something fluffy where Zero finds out that MC is pregnant? ♡        

My brain took this idea and completely ran with it so much so that it turned into a 2k fic oops. I hope you enjoy Zero being his usual adorable self (ft. the rest of the Red Army officers) ;3

“You wanted to see me, my King?”

“Zero. Yes, come in.”

It’s not Lancelot’s request to come to his office that confuses Zero, but rather his lack of reasoning for doing so. Zero stands before the King of Hearts and salutes, eyes of a clear night sky mingling with ones of a striking sky blue. Lancelot produces a small, neatly folded note and pushes it across the desk to the Ace.

“Take this note and follow its instructions to the letter. Is that clear?”

Zero takes the note and nods, “Yes, my King.”

“Good. You may leave now.”

Zero turns and leaves as orderly as he came, completely unaware of Lancelot’s kind, reverent smile as his eyes follow him out the door.

(I hope you enjoy the surprise that waits for you, Zero.)

Now back in the corridor, Zero looks at the note held between his thumb and forefinger. His curiosity needing to be sated, he unfolds the paper and reads.

[“Alice asked us to help her in preparing a surprise for you, hence this note and my likely abnormal behaviour calling you to my office with no reasoning.”]

(___? Hmm, only you would be able to convince our King to do something like this.)

His lips naturally curl at the thought of you, himself hardly aware of the pure radiance of his smile. He continues reading.

[“You are to head to the kitchen and heat up a saucepan of milk, enough for one person. Only when you have done this action will the next clue reveal itself.”]

“A scavenger hunt, huh?” Zero refolds the note and drops it into his pocket as he begins to walk towards the kitchen, “Alright, ___. Now I’m really curious about this surprise.”

The kitchen is quiet as Zero enters it, getting straight to work at abiding by the instructions given to him. Soon the gentle bubbling of milk fills the air, Zero’s thoughts wandering as he reminisces about your first attempts at teaching him some basic recipes. He lets out a breath and his lips curl upward once again at your intrusion into his brain, moving the milk from the stove top to let it cool before pouring it into a glass.

“Took you long enough, Zero.”

Zero turns in mild surprise, blinking at the man standing in the doorframe. The Queen of Hearts was the last person he expected to be standing there, but Zero catches on quick to Jonah’s weirdly bouncy - almost nervous - attitude.

(You even got Jonah on board with this? I’m impressed.)

Mentally praising you, he places the saucepan in the sink before addressing Jonah, “I would guess you have the next clue for me?”

With an awkward clear of his throat, Jonah characteristically produces a similar neatly-folded note with a flourish. However, Zero doesn’t fail to notice the flush on Jonah’s cheeks, his eyebrow quirking at him.

“Ahem! Yes, you are right. Since you’ve heated up this milk for the bab-uh!”

“The what?”

Jonah’s eyes widen to the size of saucers for only a moment before he composes himself with a blink and another clearing of his throat, “Um, hm! I said I will use this milk for the baby mille-feuille that I was about to eat. As such, your reward is the next clue.”

Zero takes the note from Jonah’s outstretched hand - albeit with a hint of scepticism - and walks out of the kitchen. As he leaves, he catches the sound of a heavy sigh of relief and a gentle uttering of “that was close.”. With a muffled laugh, he walks out into the dining hall.

“Oh! Wait, Zero!”

Zero turns to find a small brown paper bag being thrown towards him. He catches it without issue thanks to his astute reflexes, but still blinks in shock. He looks up to see Jonah, his arm extended in what was clearly a throwing motion.

“You’ll need that for the next clue.”

“Uh...okay, thanks.”

Choosing to not question his superior’s behaviour, Zero simply shrugs and walks back out into the corridor. As he leaves, Jonah sighs quietly under his breath and a tiny smile graces his lips.

(___ would have killed me if I ruined the surprise. The Queen of Hearts wouldn’t ruin such a momentous announcement...even if I came really close.)

Once again, Zero opens the neatly folded paper, recognising Jonah’s refined handwriting immediately as he reads.

[“Follow these instructions for your next clue. Head to the courtyard and look for a sitting duck, or three. You’ll need the paper bag as payment if you wish to advance.”]

Zero sighs, picking up on the order of officers he’s progressing through. He pockets the note and heads out into the courtyard, mentally preparing himself for whatever will come from talking to the man in question.

Sure enough, squatting down in the grass surrounded by the calming sound of quacking is exactly who Zero expects. He approaches quietly and simply waits. Within seconds, the Jack of Hearts returns to his feet and meets his protege’s eyes, the glimmer of amusement in his jade pools not missed by Zero.

“Alright, Edgar. I’m here, so where’s the next clue?”

“Oh dear. I hope you weren’t this rude to King Lancelot or Jonah.”

“I have no reason to be rude to them. You, however…”

Edgar chuckles amiably, his hand slipping deftly into his pocket to procure another folded paper. Zero reaches for it, but Edgar steps away from him in response. With a frown and a sigh, Zero reluctantly holds out the paper bag to Edgar.

“Jonah said I needed payment, so here. Give me the clue so I can continue.”

With a sly smile, Edgar places the paper directly onto Zero’s hand whilst simultaneously grabbing the paper bag. Zero already knew its contents without even needing to look and he watches as Edgar grabs a small handful of jellybeans and pops them into his mouth. Zero turns and begins to walk away, reacting none when Edgar speaks gleefully out loud.

“Ah, yes. The wonderful sugary taste of candy. A shame I can only hoard them all to myself for another year or so.”

(What on earth are you talking about?)

Rolling his eyes in clear exasperation, Zero grumbles to himself as he heads back into the barracks. Edgar watches on, the smile on his face heartfelt and genuine.

(I promised not to tease him, and I didn’t. Poor, sweet Zero. I’m disappointed I won’t get to see your reaction when you hear the news.)

Unfurling the paper and reading Edgar’s oddly simplistic, almost childish handwriting, Zero’s eyebrows twitch.

[“My boy Zero is growing up so fast. I’m so extremely proud of you. I hope Jonah didn’t ruin the surprise too much for you. If I were you, I would head to the infirmary - a place that I’m sure you will become very familiar with.”]

Stuck between confusion at Edgar’s note and the desire to just ignore everything written on it because Edgar wrote it, Zero resigns himself and begins making his way to the infirmary. As he reaches the door, he sees exactly who he was expecting to see leaning against it, the sight a relief after dealing with Edgar. Eyes of azure meet those the colour of olives, both men sharing a calm smile and relaxed grin respectively. Kyle pushes himself off the door and rolls out his shoulder casually.

“Hey, Zero. You took your time, huh?”

“Edgar wasn’t exactly the most compliant.”

Kyle grunts, a laugh hidden in the brusque noise, “Yeah, that’s what I expected from him. I don’t plan on keeping ya, so here.”

Kyle digs around in his pocket and grabs a messily folded scrap of paper, the sight fitting for the resident doctor but still grating at Zero’s nerves regardless. After he takes the paper, Kyle pats him on the shoulder and walks past him.

“Congrats, buddy.”

“Huh? On what?”

Kyle doesn’t respond as he continues down the corridor, sparing only a lazy wave of his hand. His patience thinning from Kyle’s words, he unfolds the paper and reads the few words written inside.

[“Go through the door.”]

Not needing to be told twice, Zero twists the door handle and steps inside, his face immediately relaxing at the sight of you sitting on the edge of one of the infirmary beds. He’s in front of you in an instant, wrapping his arms tenderly around your back in a longing hug, your own arms reaching up around his neck to return the gesture. He pulls back, but not before pecking your nose with a soft, swift kiss, his eyes crinkling at the edges in delight at your responding giggle.

“So, what’s this about a surprise you have for me?”

You smile tenderly, removing Zero’s hands from around your waist and stroking your thumbs absently over his wrists. You take a quick breath of reassurance and then meet his gaze, his eyes swirling only with affection and love for you.

“The truth is, I have something very important to tell you.”

Zero’s expression remains neutral, unsure what to expect but understanding well enough that you’re serious. You scooch forward to stand from the bed, a small groan accompanying the ascent.

“Are you still feeling unwell?” His voice holds a hint of worry as he rubs his hand gently down your back.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m going to have to get used to this.”

Zero’s hand stops dead, his eyes widening at your words, “What do you mean? Is that the surprise? Are you...sick? Is that what Edgar meant when he said I’d need to get more familiar with the infirmary?”

You know you shouldn’t laugh at his distress, but you can’t help the small bubble of laughter rising from you.

“No, no. It’s not a bad surprise, at least I hope you don’t think it’s bad.”

With a heavy sigh, Zero pulls you towards him again, his fingers tracing patterns against your hips.

“Please just tell me, ___. So I know whether to be happy about this or not.”

You laugh again, once again removing Zero’s hands from around you and placing them on your stomach. When you speak next, your voice is nothing more than a hushed whisper.

“You’re going to be a dad, Zero.”

Time seems to completely stop in a matter of seconds, Zero’s brain seemingly unable to comprehend what you have just told him.

(Sh-she’s...I’m…)

He stares at you but his mind is elsewhere, still lost to the void of his thoughts, hardly aware of the broken sentences he speaks.

“I’m...so that means...Edgar said I needed to...and Kyle told me...so that’s why Jonah...y-you...”

You can’t help but grin at how effectively one sentence has shut down the brain of the man you love. You squeeze his hands in yours - still resting against your stomach - and he seems to come to, blinking himself back to reality.

“You’re-” He swallows, desperately searching for composure, “-you’re certain? You’re...you’re pregnant?”

You nod, unable to speak for fear of losing your own composure at how perfect this moment is - Zero’s almost childlike curiosity as his hands gently stroke across your belly, his gaze occasionally meeting your own, your heart melting at the beginnings of tears pricking in the corners of his eyes.

One hand moves from your stomach to your cheek, cupping it like one would a frail flower. He leans in, pressing an ethereally gentle kiss against your lips, the pure emotion in it hard to miss. Your collectedness falls apart as soon as he breaks the kiss, the feeling of his fallen tears on your cheeks and the sight of the remnant tears in his own eyes breaking through your resolve to keep yourself together. A choked laugh escapes you and Zero both as you both lean in to rest your foreheads against each other.

“Thank you, ___. I love you. I love you so much.”

Zero speaks his gratitude and irreplaceable love for you over and over like a mantra and you let him, perfectly content to stand in his arms as you both bask in your present happiness and future plans for the bundle of joy who will be brought into this world.

[loo-cuz]

A playlist that reminds me of @byminsunny

A.M / One Direction; Airplane / J-Hope; Airplane Pt.2 / BTS; Alfie’s Song / Bleachers; All the kids are depressed / Jeremy Zucker

Bad at love / Halsey; Beautiful Mess / Kristian Kostov; Bellyache / Billie Eilish; Belong / Gnash; Best of friends / Pearl Bailey; Best of me / BTS; Better / SYML; Better now / Post Malone; Big bowl in the sky / Cavetown; BITE / Troye Sivan

Bite my tongue / The Academic

“Best friends should never fight”

Black dress / CLC; BLUE / Troye Sivan; Broken Home / 5SOS; Brother / Kodaline; Butterfly / BTS

Clap / SEVENTEEN; Count on me / Bruno Mars; Crash with me / gnash; Cringe / Matt Masson; Critical Beauty / Pentagon; Crush Culture / Conan Gray

DANCE DANCE / Day6; Dance to this / Troye Sivan; Ariana Grande; dear insecurity / gnash; Dog Days / Florence + The Machine; Don’t go / EXO; Don’t let me down / The Chainsmokers; Don’t wanna cry / SEVENTEEN; Don’t wanna fall in love / KYLE; Downtown Baby / Bloo; Dramarama / MONSTA X

Euphoria / BTS; Ev’rybody wants to be a cat / Scatman Carothers

F U Till I F U / Call me Karizma; FACE / BROCKHAMPTON; Fake love / BTS; Feel good / Outasight; Feels like we only go backwards / Tame Impala; Fighter / MONSTA X; FOOLS / Troye Sivan; for him. / Troye Sivan; Forget me now / Against the current

Gaston / Josh Gad; get well soon / gnash; Girls like girls / Hayley Kiyoko; Girls/Girls/Boys / Panic! At the disco; Give it to me / Agust D; Go Go / BTS; Good Vibes / DENM

Half a heart / One Direction; HandClap / Fitz & The Tantrums; Hellevator / Stray Kids; Help / 10cm; Hi hello / Day6

History / One Direction

“You and me got a whole lot of history”

home / gnash; Home / Topic; Honeymoon / B.A.P; How can I say / Day6

I could change your life / gnash; I don’t know my name / Grace VanderWaal; I feel it too / The Academic; I like me better / Lauv; I Need Somebody / Day6; I NEED U / BTS; I smile / Day6; I wait / Day6; I wanna dance with somebody / Whitney Houston; I’ll be good / Jaymes Young; I’m a mess / Bebe Rexha; I’m fine / BTS; I’m not afraid / HOLLAND; I’m serious / Day6; IDGAF / Dua Lipa; I’m sorry / Probably Raymond

Kein Liebeslied / Kraftklub; Knocking on your heart / Maggie Lindemann

La La La / Weki Meki; Lean on me / Day6; Leave a message / gnash; Lemon boy / Cavetown; Like real people do / Hozier; Lil Tokyo / gnash; Lonely again / gnash; Lost boy / Ruth B.; Love is a dog from hell / MadClown; Love lies / Khalid & Normani; LOVE ME LOVE ME / WINNER; LOVE SCENARIO / iKON

Mad Love / Sean Paul; Magic Shop / BTS; MAMA / BTS; Manolo / Trip Lee; Mein Leben / Kraftklub; Mine / Bazzi; My My My! / Troye Sivan

Naughty Boy / Pentagon; Neverland / Holland; NICE VERY NICE/ SEVENTEEN; Nights with you / MØ

O sole mio/ Sf9; Our Own House / MisterWives; Oxytocin / gnash

I went through my library until the letter O and those are all the songs that remind me of my best friend.

Why am I doing this?

Well first of all this made me realize how much I experienced with him, how much more grateful we all need to be for the time we have.

But another thing that this showed is that friendship isn’t always easy. People get hurt, people part way, people become friends again and part ways again. It isn’t always “I love you” sometimes friendship is “I don’t know why I’m spending my fucking time with you” sometimes friends hurt each other because they don’t know how to help each other. That’s how life is but you know what? In the end we work for this because we want this and that’s why we’re still around.

In the end we’re “the best of friends”, we got “a whole lot of history”. And in the end “I like me better when I’m with you.”

[callie-the-snarky-geek-blog]

RvB16 Episode 7 Review: It Just Winked At Me

Last time on Red vs Blue: O’Malley came back bitches. That’s it. That’s all you need to know. No need to go into how Grif is all alone with only a talking lens flare and all the potential angst that writers can dig up from that. Or that Atlus is a dork who obliterated Tucker and Sister into subatomic particles. None of that’s important at all. Only O’Malley matters.

Alright, so this episode has been hyped for awhile. Joe hyped it up. Kyle Taylor (the Machinima director) hyped it up. Even Gus hyped it up. Any of this can mean anything. So as we enter the shortest episode so far (only 7 minutes… I guess Joe couldn’t make the episodes longer unless he’s holding them back for later), what has all the talk been leading up to? Well… I can say it was like nothing I’ve seen before!

Overview

So good news, Tucker and Sister are alive! Yay… yeah I knew that was coming. There is no way that they’d kill a long-time character and a fan favorite character they finally made a main like that. Also it looks like the blast sobered them up. So there’s your lesson kids: if you are drunk off your ass, being blasted by God is how you sober back up! Atlus tries to kill them a couple more times before finally realizing that ‘his’ protection is making that impossible. Also we find out that Kalirama is his sister, which explains her being the Queen of the Cosmic Powers. So goign into some speculating, Kalirama mentioned being the Daughter of Time. My guess has been that the villain is Chronos, the Personification of Time. It can also refer to Cronus, the King of the Titans and father of Zeus. If Joe made Chronos and Cronus the same person who Atlus overthrew and he and Kalirama and his kids trying to keep him locked up… wow and I thought the Church and Grif families were fucked up.

Since Atlus can’t obliterate Tucker and Sister, he goes with the option of ‘let my mindless minions do it’. So he summons up a cyclopes… I am NOT joking. Some may find this too bizarre, but as someone who likes mythical shenanigans I do NOT give a shit! Plus it fits the myth theme since cyclopes’ are part of both Greek and Roman mythology. So the cyclopes obviously isn’t a Halo character, so what did they do? They… put Gus in a costume/a ton of makeup and made him do it. Yes, you read that right. The cyclopes was RvB’s very own Gustavo Sorola. It is also, I believe, RvB’s first implementation of live-action within the show, at least on this level. It’s pretty good! I mean the cyclopes is butt ugly, but I’m pretty sure that was the point… sorry Gus.

So Atlus sicks… Grugh, I think? Screw it, I’m calling him Gus. My blog, my rules. Atlus sicks Gus on the two Blues. They understandably, make a run for it. At least until Sister quips that Tucker could prove how great a fighter she is. Which she meant as sarcasm… but Tucker of course has to decide to be Mr. Macho and face Gus. The result? Both the time gun and the sword get knocked away from him. I should also point out that Gus is about 100X larger than Tucker. So he can easily crush him… yyyyeah… not your best plan Tucker.

Back in the 6th Century (not the 16th like I wrote last week, Past Callie is stupid), Huggins is trying to figure out what to do now that O’Malley has gotten away and both she and Grif are stranded. Grif is currently… I guess looking for mushrooms since he mentions eating them later. Guess since he can’t talk Italian, that’s the only way he can survive, I mean it worked on the moon! Anyways, Huggins contemplates her options. Now because she’s talking fast, it’s hard to make out everything and for whatever reason,t he RT site doesn’t have a subtitle option that I REALLY hope they fix soon. But anyways, Huggins comes u with three potential solutions:

Wait it out and let time move along until she’s back in present day. This is ruled out because it would take far too long. This one is declared a ‘maybe’.

MURDER! Kill Grif and prevent at least one dirty shisno from fucking everything up! This is also ruled out as it goes against Huggins’ code and it’s also forbidden. Oh, but Atlus can obliterate people? I sense abuse of power!

Talk to Grif and convince him to team up so that they can find a way out of the 6th Century. But if she does this, thee penalty is getting tortured int he Underworld for all eternity. But this is the only option that could work, so… ye, she risks it.

Alright, so reasoning! Huggins goes to Grif, who is pretty much refusing to believe anything that is happening. Huggins tries to convince him to help her since otherwise hey’re both gonna die. Grif doesn’t buy any of it, especially when Huggins reveals that the Gods sent her to spy on them. SO he just walks away and Huggins is probably re-considering the murder option now.

Alright, back to the moon! Tucker tries to shoot Gus… and of course fails. Stupid guns! Sister retrieves both the time gun and Tucker’s sword as Tucker himself ducks inside the base. He tries to think of what to do… and sees his old armor set, giving him an idea. Gus reaches in and grabs what looks like Tucker, eating his head. Eww, Gus! That’ll ruin your teeth!  Also is this an Attack on Titans reference? I’m positive that it’s an Attack on Titans reference. But of course it was really the empty armor which Tucker stuffed with grenades. Which go off, distracting Gus and Tucker drives in with the Warthog, driving it straight into hos face. It finally knocks Gus down and Tucker along with him.

So it looks like Tucker wins, right? Haha… yeah… about that. Sister points out that normally when you beat the boss, they come back twice as powerful. You’d think that Tucker, living in a video game, would know this but meh. SO yeah, Gus gets back up and he is not happy. Hey Tucker, tell him that they should go to Vegas! That’ll make him REALLY angry I bet! Tucker runs into the caves and seems safe since Gus’ hand is too big… until Tucker says he needs to do it one finger at a time. And Gus can understand English, so… yeah…

Fortunately before Tucker can get grabbed, Sister channels her inner Xena and attempts to use the sword, jump down form the cliffs, and stab Gus in the head. But Tucker informs her too late that the sword only works for him. SO she gets smacked away and when Tucker exits the cave to help, he gets knocked over to her. Sister points out that cyclopes’ have a fatal weakness, so Tucker goe sin and… attacks Gus’ groin. I… don’t think that’s what she meant Tucker… but it works as Gus finally hits the ground. Well… not the defeat I was expecting, but it was a defeat!

Unfortunately, Atlus decides to sick Gus’ wife on them who is rather peeved that due to this, they can’t do hanky panky and have kids. Having had enough, Tucker and Sister FINALLY do what they should have done before: open a time portal and get the fuck out of there. Where do they end up? Well remember the medieval scene from Episode 1? Well they FINALLY connected it to the main narrative as the two end up on the same tower as medieval Grif and Simmons. And the two get arrested… WELP.

Review

This episode has had a lot of mixed reception so far. I haven’t seen anyone hate it, but many were disappointing. It’s understandable why. After all the hype, it was really just about a dumb joke. A very well shot dumb joke, but a dumb joke. There’s still so little about he plot we know, nothing advanced any further here, the episode was incredibly short, and it’s still unclear what all of this is leading us to. We’re on Episode 7 and no progress has been made. I think so far Joe has the opposite problem he had last year. Last year, he rushed it because he only ha done season. This year he has more than one, but due to it he slowed down. A little too much maybe. This coming off the heels of last week’s O’Malley plot bomb and… yeah I don’t blame people in being disappointed and viewing this as completely pointless.

I didn’t know how to feel during the first viewing… but when watching ti again to write this review, I was laughing so much. I got a LOT more enjoyment out of it. To be fair, I am always like that. I always like stuff on the second watch than the first one since I knwo what’s coming and I can better process it. And watching ti again… I don’t think that this was pointless at ll. There’s no major progression with the plot, and I agree that it’s been long enough. But… I got a lot out of this episode, even form Grif’s brief scene. Not just with plot, but the work on this episode is truly impressive imo.

Before we talk about that, lets do Grif’s scene. It’s only about a minute long and the only machinimated scene. Yeah, 95% of the episode was CGI animated. But Grif’s scene, while brief, was good. I wish we saw a bit mroe follow-up on how he’s doing after O’Malley left him stranded, but him living off mushrooms I can buy. Him also goign into denial over everything I can also buy. So not as much as I was hoping for with him, but good stuff that matches his character.

The scene’s actual importance is mainly setup for what’ll happen later. It also FINALLY gave us some time with Huggins’ since Episode 1. And OMG, I absolutely love her. Her rapid fire dialogue is kind of hard to make out, but her actress did a good job at it. Huggins is cheerful, but serious about her job. She understands the importance of what’s coming, but has to resort to breaking law since she’s in a position where otherwise, everyone is doomed. She’s cute, but also sassy as evident with her response when Grif calls her Tinkerbell (is that gonna be his nickname for her when he warms up to her? I want it to be!) Seriously I am already loving the interactions between Grif and Huggins and I am really excited to see more of it! Now how they’ll get out of the 6th Century IDK, but we’ll just have to wait.

Okay, back to the res tof the episode. As I said, pretty much the entire episode is CGI animated. it’s the first major CGI fight in the season, and it was awesome. Okay it was mostly running, but it was fun to watch. Tucker plowing the Warthog into Gus was freakin’ badass. The voice acting was also on point. I have never laughed harder at Jason Saldana’s performance than I have today and Becca continues to crush it as Sister. Seriously, going all Xena with the ‘alalala!’ war-cry had me dying. An ProZD as Atus… OMG ProZD. He was fantastic in this episode and it added so much to Atlus as a character. Like he is just enjoying the show and is so unimpressed with Tucker and Sister even when they win. His animation where he’s just celebrating watching Gus winning was also so freakin’ fantastic and again, dds to the character. Seriously, I wasn’t sure what to think of Atlus before, but he has already become one of my fav RvB villain ever after this episode alone.

So onto Gus… I have no idea how Joe talked him into this. I mean he’s done worst and IDT anything will be as bad as when he did the Baby Gus RT Short. That short man… anyways! I think Gus did really well! It felt like he was truly interacting with the environment. He didn’t have to do much acting aside form grunting and going around wildly, but it felt like he was playing a monstrous cyclopes. Credit also to Joe and his directing. I don’t knwo what inspired him to do this, but OMG I am so glad he did. I mean it looks weird and it’s ridiculous.., but it’s RvB. It’s always been weird and ridiculous. Plus using live action again sells the effect that the cyclopes is a monster compared to what we’re used to with the machinima. It sold the effect really well. So kudos to Joe and to Gus because shooting this and then editing it in had to be a nightmare.

It’s why I don’t think the episode was at all pointless. I mean we DO have some minor things. We find out that Kalirama is Atlus’ sister, the villain si indeed a locked up time God, get a taste of how powerful the Cosmic Powers forces are, have some characterization for Atlus, setup for Grif and Huggins’ plot, an actual fight scene after so long, and it FINALLY ties in the medieval scene. It’s also huge on a cinematic scale, which is probably why it’s only 7 minutes. I mena Joe and his team had to fully animate the episode, shoot Gus’ scenes where he’s pretty much just interacting with air, combined the footage together, likely do re-shoots if the live action was even slightly off, edit it all together with the machinima, and… yeah. This was likely a huge pain it he ass to do for everyone involved. But I appreciate that they did. Joe is going above and beyond what he has to do. he could just do solely machinima and it would be fine. But he’s trying new things, implementing more CGI, and taking the show to the next level. Is it a hit? That’s for one to decide on their own. I think it worked here, but I don’t think they should regularly implement live action as they did. Special occasions are fine though. But I still appreciate Joe trying things and putting in the effort when he doesn’t have to. He wants to make the show as good as he can, and I can absolutely respect that.

Final Thoughts

Did they hype this one too much? Maybe a little. It was not what I was expecting at all. But I don’t thin that’s a bad thing. Again, I appreciate them going out of their way to do this. Plus the animation, dialogue, and voice acting were really good. Can I understand why people don’t like this episode and are getting weary of the season? Absolutely yes. I do hoe that Joe starts to speed up the plot soon. But I still had a fun time watching the episode, and in the end that’s what matters: having a good time. It was weird and ridiculous and I wouldn’t have it nay other way.

[calliecat93]

RvB16 Episode 7 Review: It Just Winked At Me

Last time on Red vs Blue: O’Malley came back bitches. That’s it. That's all you need to know. No need to go into how Grif is all alone with only a talking lens flare and all the potential angst that writers can dig up from that. Or that Atlus is a dork who obliterated Tucker and Sister into subatomic particles. None of that’s important at all. Only O’Malley matters.

Alright, so this episode has been hyped for awhile. Joe hyped it up. Kyle Taylor (the Machinima director) hyped it up. Even Gus hyped it up. Any of this can mean anything. So as we enter the shortest episode so far (only 7 minutes... I guess Joe couldn't make the episodes longer unless he’s holding them back for later), what has all the talk been leading up to? Well... I can say it was like nothing I’ve seen before!

Overview

So good news, Tucker and Sister are alive! Yay... yeah I knew that was coming. There is no way that they’d kill a long-time character and a fan favorite character they finally made a main like that. Also it looks like the blast sobered them up. So there’s your lesson kids: if you are drunk off your ass, being blasted by God is how you sober back up! Atlus tries to kill them a couple more times before finally realizing that ‘his’ protection is making that impossible. Also we find out that Kalirama is his sister, which explains her being the Queen of the Cosmic Powers. So... I made a post a few days ago about Kalirama’s titles and she mentioned being the Daughter of Time. My guess has been that the villain is Chronos, the Personification of Time. It can also refer to Cronus, the King of the Titans and father of Zeus. If Joe made Chronos and Cronus the same person who Atlus overthrew and he and Kalirama and his kids trying to keep him locked up... wow and I thought the Church and Grif families were fucked up.

Since Atlus can’t obliterate Tucker and Sister, he goes with the option of ‘let my mindless minions do it’. So he summons up a cyclopes... I am NOT joking. Some may find this too bizarre, but as someone who likes mythical shenanigans I do NOT give a shit! Plus it fits the myth theme since cyclopes’ are part of both Greek and Roman mythology. So the cyclopes obviously isn’t a Halo character, so what did they do? They... put Gus in a costume/a ton of makeup and made him do it. Yes, you read that right. The cyclopes was RvB’s very own Gustavo Sorola. It is also, I believe, RvB’s first implementation of live-action within the show, at least on this level. It’s pretty good! I mean the cyclopes is butt ugly, but I’m pretty sure that was the point... sorry Gus.

So Atlus sicks... Grugh, I think? Screw it, I’m calling him Gus. My blog, my rules. Atlus sicks Gus on the two Blues. They understandably, make a run for it. At least until Sister quips that Tucker could prove how great a fighter she is. Which she meant as sarcasm... but Tucker, of course, has to decide to be Mr. Macho and face Gus. The result? Both the time gun and the sword get knocked away from him. I should also point out that Gus is about 100X larger than Tucker. So he can easily crush him... yyyyeah... not your best plan Tucker.

Back in the 6th Century (not the 16th like I wrote last week, Past Callie is stupid), Huggins is trying to figure out what to do now that O’Malley has gotten away and both she and Grif are stranded. Grif is currently... I guess looking for mushrooms since he mentions eating them later. Guess since he can't talk Italian, that’s the only way he can survive, I mean it worked on the moon! Anyways, Huggins contemplates her options. Now because she’s talking fast, it’s hard to make out everything and for whatever reason,t he RT site doesn't have a subtitle option that I REALLY hope they fix soon. But anyways, Huggins comes u with three potential solutions:

Wait it out and let time move along until she’s back in present day. This is ruled out because the Reds and Blues will still be time traveling, evil time God goes free, and the universe dies. This one is declared a ‘maybe’.

MURDER! Kill Grif and prevent at least one dirty shisno from fucking everything up! This is also ruled out as it goes against Huggins’ code and it’s also forbidden. Oh, but Atlus can obliterate people? I sense abuse of power!

Talk to Grif and convince him to team up so that they can find a way out of the 6th Century. But if she does this, thee penalty is getting tortured int he Underworld for all eternity. But this is the only option that could work, so... ye, she risks it.

Alright, so reasoning! Huggins goes to Grif, who is pretty much refusing to believe anything that is happening. Huggins tries to convince him to help her since otherwise they're both gonna die. Grif doesn't buy any of it, especially when Huggins reveals that the Gods sent her to spy on them. SO he just walks away and Huggins is probably re-considering the murder option now.

Alright, back to the moon! Tucker tries to shoot Gus... and of course, fails. Stupid guns! Sister retrieves both the time gun and Tucker’s sword as Tucker himself ducks inside the base. He tries to think of what to do... and sees his old armor set, giving him an idea. Gus reaches in and grabs what looks like Tucker, eating his head. Eww, Gus! That’ll ruin your teeth!  Also is this an Attack on Titans reference? I’m positive that it’s an Attack on Titans reference. But of course, it was really the empty armor which Tucker stuffed with grenades. Which go off, distracting Gus and Tucker drives in with the Warthog, driving it straight into his face. It finally knocks Gus down and Tucker along with him.

So it looks like Tucker wins, right? Haha... yeah... about that. Sister points out that normally when you beat the boss, they come back twice as powerful. You’d think that Tucker, living in a video game, would know this but meh. SO yeah, Gus gets back up and he is not happy. Hey Tucker, tell him that they should go to Vegas! That’ll make him REALLY angry I bet! Tucker runs into the caves and seems safe since Gus’ hand is too big... until Tucker says he needs to do it one finger at a time. And Gus can understand English, so... yeah...

Fortunately, before Tucker can get grabbed, Sister channels her inner Xena and attempts to use the sword, jump down from the cliffs, and stab Gus in the head. But Tucker informs her too late that the sword only works for him. SO she gets smacked away and when Tucker exits the cave to help, he gets knocked over to her. Sister points out that cyclopes’ have a fatal weakness, so Tucker goe sin and... attacks Gus’ groin. I... don’t think that’s what she meant Tucker... but it works as Gus finally hits the ground. Well... not the defeat I was expecting, but it was a defeat! 

Unfortunately, Atlus decides to sick Gus’ wife on them who is rather peeved that due to this, they can't do hanky panky and have kids. Having had enough, Tucker and Sister FINALLY do what they should have done before: open a time portal and get the fuck out of there. Where do they end up? Remember the medieval scene from Episode 1? Well, they FINALLY connected it to the main narrative as the two end up on the same tower as medieval Grif and Simmons. And the two get arrested... WELP.

Review

This episode has had a lot of mixed reception so far. I haven’t seen anyone hate it, but many were disappointing. It’s understandable why. After all the hype, it was really just about a dumb joke. A very well shot dumb joke, but a dumb joke. There’s still so little about the plot we know, nothing advanced any further here, the episode was incredibly short, and it’s still unclear what all of this is leading us to. We’re on Episode 7 and no progress has been made. I think so far Joe has the opposite problem he had last year. Last year, he rushed it because he only has done season. This year he has more than one, but due to it he slowed down. A little too much maybe. This coming off the heels of last week’s O’Malley plot bomb and... yeah I don’t blame people in being disappointed and viewing this as completely pointless.

I didn’t know how to feel during the first viewing... but when watching ti again to write this review, I was laughing so much. I got a LOT more enjoyment out of it. To be fair, I am always like that. I always like stuff on the second watch than the first one since I know what’s coming and I can better process it. And watching ti again... I don’t think that this was pointless at ll. There’s no major progression with the plot, and I agree that it’s been long enough. But... I got a lot out of this episode, even form Grif’s brief scene. Not just with the plot, but the work on this episode is truly impressive imo.

Before we talk about that, let's do Grif’s scene. It’s only about a minute long and the only machinimated scene. Yeah, 95% of the episode was CGI animated. But Grif’s scene, while brief, was good. I wish we saw a bit more follow-up on how he’s doing after O’Malley left him stranded, but him living off mushrooms I can buy. Him also going into denial over everything I can also buy. So not as much as I was hoping for with him, but good stuff that matches his character.

The scene’s actual importance is mainly setup for what’ll happen later. It also FINALLY gave us some time with Huggins’ since Episode 1. And OMG, I absolutely love her. Her rapid-fire dialogue is kind of hard to make out, but her actress did a good job at it. Huggins is cheerful, but serious about her job. She understands the importance of what’s coming but has to resort to breaking law since she’s in a position where otherwise, everyone is doomed. She’s cute, but also sassy as evident with her response when Grif calls her Tinkerbell (is that gonna be his nickname for her when he warms up to her? I want it to be!) Seriously I am already loving the interactions between Grif and Huggins and I am really excited to see more of it! Now how they’ll get out of the 6th Century IDK, but we’ll just have to wait.

Okay, back to the res tof the episode. As I said, pretty much the entire episode is CGI animated. it’s the first major CGI fight in the season, and it was awesome. Okay it was mostly running, but it was fun to watch. Tucker plowing the Warthog into Gus was freakin’ badass. The voice acting was also on point. I have never laughed harder at Jason Saldana’s performance than I have today and Becca continues to crush it as Sister. Seriously, going all Xena with the ‘alalala!’ war-cry had me dying. An ProZD as Atus... OMG ProZD. He was fantastic in this episode and it added so much to Atlus as a character. Like he is just enjoying the show and is so unimpressed with Tucker and Sister even when they win. His animation where he’s just celebrating watching Gus winning was also so freakin’ fantastic and again, dds to the character. Seriously, I wasn’t sure what to think of Atlus before, but he has already become one of my fav RvB villain ever after this episode alone.

So onto Gus... I have no idea how Joe talked him into this. I mean he’s done worst and IDT anything will be as bad as when he did the Baby Gus RT Short. That short man... anyways! I think Gus did really well! It felt like he was truly interacting with the environment. He didn’t have to do much acting aside form grunting and going around wildly, but it felt like he was playing a monstrous cyclops. Credit also to Joe and his directing. I don’t know what inspired him to do this, but OMG I am so glad he did. I mean it looks weird and it’s ridiculous.., but it’s RvB. It’s always been weird and ridiculous. Plus using live action again sells the effect that the cyclops is a monster compared to what we’re used to with the machinima. It sold the effect really well. So kudos to Joe and to Gus because shooting this and then editing it in had to be a nightmare. 

It’s why I don’t think the episode was at all pointless. I mean we DO have some minor things. We find out that Kalirama is Atlus’ sister, the villain is indeed a locked up time God, get a taste of how powerful the Cosmic Powers forces are, have some characterization for Atlus, setup for Grif and Huggins’ plot, an actual fight scene after so long, and it FINALLY ties in the medieval scene. It’s also huge on a cinematic scale, which is probably why it’s only 7 minutes. I mean Joe and his team had to fully animate the episode, shoot Gus’ scenes where he’s pretty much just interacting with air, combined the footage together, likely do re-shoots if the live action was even slightly off, edit it all together with the machinima, and... yeah. This was likely a huge pain in the ass to do for everyone involved. But I appreciate that they did. Joe is going above and beyond what he has to do. he could just do solely machinima and it would be fine. But he’s trying new things, implementing more CGI, and taking the show to the next level. Is it a hit? That's for one to decide on their own. I think it worked here, but I don’t think they should regularly implement live action as they did. Special occasions are fine though. But I still appreciate Joe trying things and putting in the effort when he doesn't have to. He wants to make the show as good as he can, and I can absolutely respect that.

Final Thoughts

Did they hype this one too much? Maybe a little. It was not what I was expecting at all. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Again, I appreciate them going out of their way to do this. Plus the animation, dialogue, and voice acting were really good. Can I understand why people don’t like this episode and are getting weary of the season? Absolutely yes. I do hope that Joe starts to speed up the plot soon. But I still had a fun time watching the episode, and in the end, that’s what matters: having a good time. It was weird and ridiculous and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Stan Marsh

out of character info

Name/Alias: JIM JAM SAM Pronouns: all Age: 19 Join Our Discord: done binch Timezone: est Activity: u know this by now Triggers: nothing that needs to be tagged Password: dildo Character that you’re applying for: Stan Marsh Favourite ships for your character: stendy, style, stan/everyone, stan/chemistry

in character info

Full name: Stanley “Stan” Marsh Birthday: October 19 Sexuality, gender, pronouns: bisexual, not that he mentions it or really “came out”, but if you asked he’d say so. cis male. he/him, but he’s cool with they/them. Age and grade: 18, senior Appearance: 

Stan has a very pretty face, outlined by a strong jawline. He has deep blue eyes, with nothing interesting about them. They don’t change color, or have flecks of green or hazel in them, they’re just blue. His hair is black, but dark brown when viewed in the sunlight. When growing it out it has a lot of volume, not that you can tell from his frequent hat-hair, and though it’s cut short every few months, Stan has his hair longer for most of the year, keeping the sides trimmed with help from his mom and a pair of trimmers. This results in him having the “fuckboy” haircut, which he will keep back under a hat or simply keep back with pomade, if he’s hatless and wants to look decent. 

He’s 6’1, making him one of the tallest out of his classmates. However, he’s second tallest in his family, being an inch shorter than his dad. As well as tall, Stan is also rather muscular, toned from playing football in the fall, baseball in the spring, and maintaining a relative level of fitness throughout his sport-free months with some regular gym visits, (which he thinks helps him maintain a decent mood, too.) He’s pretty much as pale as the next guy during the winter, but Stan tans very easily. He gets a good tan during the summer, which starts to lighten up until wearing off early October. Stan’s wardrobe is not very diverse, and is a little fuckboy-like. He can usually be seen wearing jeans or chinos, a t-shirt, and a jacket/hoodie, or if it’s warm out, some basketball shorts or still jeans and a t-shirt or tank top. On special occasions he can be seen in nice button ups and pants, or even a suit. He is almost always wearing a hat. During the cold 75% of the year he wears a winter hat, and in the summer he wears baseball caps.

Personality: 

Stan, in his own way, is an artistic tortured soul, but not really. He’s the all-american guy, successful in athletics, he tends keep his grades above average, and while he doesn’t feel special about all that, his parents proudly try showing him off like he’s the best. Though he has every reason to be happy with his life, Stan’s still a cynical asshole, and finds himself spending a lot of time complaining about really anything. At heart, though, he’s kind, hard-working guy who cares about his friends, is loyal, is passionate, always has good intentions, and doesn’t want anybody to get hurt. He’s a force for justice and balance, and he has a strong moral compass.

His love for animals never stopped, as he finds himself volunteering at animal shelters, while he should be busy at football or baseball practice. He can’t help that he cares about every living thing, (animals more than people, though.) A romantic at heart, he doesn’t show real, genuine interest – the ‘I’m about to vomit’ kind, for him, – in someone very often. He won’t fall for someone easily, but when he does fall for someone it happens pretty hard, and he will do anything for them just like he would with anyone else that he cares about. With a big heart and an open mind, which he uses to try to make sure his dad isn’t doing something stupid, Stan is always ready to try to be with someone. However, he is often worries that the bad sides of his personality –– being unmotivated, cynical at times, impulsive, combined with having an addictive personality, a bad temper, and a great ability to be a dick, –– will throw all his relationships in jeopardy.

History: 

Stan feels like he had a terrible childhood. Although he enjoyed his early years, tossing the football with his dad, falling asleep in his parent’s bed when he had nightmares, and overall a peaceful life in a loving family –– except for frequent bullying from Shelly –– his life had taken a turn for the worst, around the time he was eight. His family life was chaotic. His parents fought a lot, even getting divorced twice, and even while they were together they were a lot to deal with. Well, Randy was a lot to deal with. He’s constantly taking care of his dad and watching out for him, trying to make sure he’s not up to his usual antics. However, he has always loved his parents, and has a good relationship with his mom, and even with his dad when it’s not being strained by one of his dad’s episodes.

Around nine years old was the apex of the craziness in his life, it seemed, with the weirdest things going on in his little mountain town. During this time, though, was when Stan developed and proved the largest parts of his personality, like his loyalty, but also his fierce cynicism.  He started to see everything as bullshit, and always has a hard time believing anything is more than that. This was also when he started something of a battle with alcoholism, not that it was ever too bad in his mind. He started to be something of a high-functioning alcoholic, as it didn’t really interfere with his life, despite a few problems with friends early on in the struggle.

Throughout middle school and into high school he began to spend even more time than usual with his friends, in order to avoid his crazy dad and the stress of his family. Stan was always up for adventures with his Super Best Friend Kyle and his other close friends Eric and Kenny. Due to his cynicism and lack of motivation with others, though, he did struggle to become close friends with anyone else. Even with Wendy, his childhood crush and girlfriend, he had a hard time maintaining anything more than a very loose friendship. Stan was nothing more than friendly acquaintances with most people. Despite that, he was still pretty well-liked by most of his peers, with his kindness, success in sports, and his natural ability to comfort people all being well known by the student body.

Now a senior, Stan Marsh is often considered South Park’s top dog, as captain of two varsity teams and, due more to hard work than intelligence, maintaining an A- average. However, he still struggles a lot to cope with how he feels about his life situation, drinking himself to sleep at night, or sneaking out to be with his friends and do anything but think about being trapped in where he is in life. He does hope to get the year over with quickly and, although he is afraid of being apart from his friend, he’s looking forward to get out of his bullshit town.

Sample paragraph: 

“Duuude. Where the hell are you?” Stan’s voice raised to a clamor, words slurring together slightly, his unsteady footsteps coming to a halt mid-wander. The first attempt he made of searching for his friend was short lived, ending as he threw his head back to drink from the can, a repetitive action that nice considering the many cans his hands had cradled over the course of the night. Stan and his friends had their fair share of the cheap, but potent, beer, now finishing off the rest of the supply he had grabbed the back seat of his truck. His hand crushed the now-empty can and let it fall to the snow-covered ground. “Kenny?” he called out, his eyes searching around the nearly empty street.

Taking a break from his wandering along one of the town’s streets, Stan kept trying to figure out where he was without much luck. Intoxication left his vision blurry, making the road, which he could’ve easily identified if he was the slightest bit sober, now completely unrecognizable. He started walking again, before stopping in his tracks and turning quickly, picking up the can he had realized he left on the ground. After all, ‘there was only one planet’, and as lame as it was that he even thought that Stan was glad his concern for the environment was slightly more powerful than his drunkenness.

As he once again continued down the road, he kept yelling for his friend. “Oh my god, did someone kill you?” It was meant to be a joke, but there was some serious concern lingering in his voice. Minutes passed, and he didn’t know how long it took but Kenny eventually came into view from beyond a corner, probably from hearing his name, or realizing his friend had lost his trail. What a relief.

“Dude.. don’t disappear like that,” Stan told him through something of a chuckle once he had caught up. Following his friend, they turned the corner again, where Kenny stopped. With an exasperated sigh, Stan leaned against the wall of the building, then slid down to sit, unbothered by the dirty, wet snow that now cushioned his bottom. He groaned and buried his head in his hand, sitting there for a few minutes, glad that Kenny understood his need for some quiet –– he always did.

Once a few minutes passed, the complete silence was interrupted by a small clicking noise. Stan looked up, watching Kenny’s thumb stroke the wheel of a disposable lighter over and over, up until it finally created a small flash of sparks in the dark night. He watched as the flame was brought to the end of a fresh cigarette, while his off hand protected the fragile little light from the winter’s breeze. As Kenny lit the cigarette, Stan nudged his friend’s leg to get his attention, slurring his question of “Dude, can I bum one off you? I promise I’ll buy you a new pack tomorrow, but you know I like to smoke when I drink.”

Stan thanked his friend when he obliged and grabbed the cigarette and the lighter from the hand that stretched out towards him. He held the cigarette between his teeth and placed the lighter on his knee as he pulled off his gloves, then lit the cigarette. He watched his hand shake in the cold as it brought the filter end to his mouth, and he inhaled some of the smoke, but was quick to exhale and cough a little bit. After a few more puffs of smoke, his coughing subsided, and he was able to lean back and relax again, closing his eyes as he felt it hit his system. 

After a few minutes, he sighed and opened his eyes again, holding his cigarette-free hand out towards Kenny with the lighter in it. The other was brought back to his mouth as he took a final breath of cigarette smoke, exhaling dramatically through his nose as he ashed the butt in the snow beside him. “Thanks for coming out with me tonight, Kenny,” he muttered, closing his eyes once more and feeling his lips curl into something of a smile. “I really needed to just get away from it all. Means a lot that you came with.”

Headcanons: 

Stan has always been a pretty big Broncos fan, and still practically idolizes John Elway. Don't mess with him on game day –– he'll be glad to let you watch with him, but he'll get mad if he's trying to pay attention and you distract him.

He has a pretty decent knowledge of fixing cars, since he drives his dad’s old truck and needs to fix it pretty often.

He’s absolutely the friend you call if you’re feeling suicidal and need someone to talk to you. Even someone he hated could call him and he’d help.

He has a fleeting alcohol problem. He is an emotional drunk. Drank too much? He’s in a dark corner questioning life. He cries after seeing mildly sad things. If anyone lets him cry on their shoulder he’ll stick to them like glue for the rest of the night.

Stan hasn’t grown out of his asthma, and still carries an inhaler around in his backpack during school, and has it nearby when he’s working out or doing sports. He can usually tell when he needs to use it before he gets full blown asthma attacks, so he hasn’t had one in a couple years.

He gets super toxic in videogames. He tries to be nice and be a good team player, but if he’s tired of dealing with stupid teammates he just gets pissed.

Stan struggles with his depression. Though he carries himself like it’s nothing, he often has pretty bad episodes where he needs to reach out to a friend. Usually, it’s his SBF.

His dog Sparky is an old man, who sleeps in Stan’s bed. Also, halfway through his junior year, he convinced his family to rescue a pitbull mix named Pepper. He cuddles up with them like every night.

While he’s something of a pacifist and doesn’t like to solve problems with violence, he is unafraid to throw hands to stand up for himself or his friends.

He’s pretty well known as the South Park High football’s “Star Quarterback” as well as the baseball team’s pitcher. Although he used to hate baseball as a kid, he grew into it after years of playing when he discovered that a spring sport was nice for the same reasons he liked playing football in the fall: the exercise and teamwork mentality was a good source of therapy for him.

Sees you eating veal? He fucking decks you. Okay, not really, but he will keep a mental note of it and/or try to tell you not to.

Given his love of animals, he only eats meat from local small farms that treat their animals well, or wild caught fish.

He has a summer job working on an independent ranch in South Colorado, tending to the livestock. He stays there for the summer in the employee housing, but will drive back up to South Park to see his friends when he has days off.

During the school year, he works as a receptionist at the veterinarian office in South Park.

He likes to stay up late, but usually regrets it in the morning.Ends up falling asleep while trying to do anything late at night. He often falls asleep fully dressed then wakes up at some point and showers and changes

Stan goes on camping trips a lot, because they’re very calming for him and, as much as he likes his TV, video games, and everything, he needs a break and loves his time out in nature.

He’s extremely ticklish on his sides –– if someone hugs him by surprise or nudges him on the side, he flinches. He won’t tell anyone he’s actually ticklish to avoid any mean-spirited or teasing tickling.

He gets easily overstimulated by a bunch of noise, like if  there are too many people talking to him at once, or talking around him. He needs to take breaks during social events like parties, or else he’ll get a headache.

Stan’s very easily distracted. Not that he’ll get distracted constantly, and can’t focus on anything at all, he just tends to daydream, or he often makes the choice not to stay focused if there is something more interesting to pay attention to.

Spends a ridiculous amount of time making sure randy isn’t up to something stupid. Seriously, it’s exhausting.

Anything else:  u kno i had to

[alifeincouches]

Fishing

On average, I fall in love at least 10 times a day. One might assume that falling in love that often is absurd. It is. One might also assume it would be exhausting. Most def. In reality, the falling part isn’t all that tiring, it’s quite the opposite. Every time a stranger smiles at me, I become instantly flush, giddy, and bug-eyed with enthusiasm! Then my enthusiasm is typically met with broken eye-contact and regret from the recipient.

Rejection is exhausting.

I once had an English teacher tell me that I should feel empowered by rejection! Like, what? He said that, “rejection is a conclusion, which is something we so rarely get in this life. Feel empowered because you took a chance, you put yourself out there and got an answer. It might not have been the answer you were hoping for but you got one, and that’s something!”

That’s something.

I suppose he’s kind of right. We so often get nothing at all, especially in the modern dating world. From ghosting, to thinly veiled “u up?” texts, we’re all swimming in an endless sea of weird emotional ambiguity. The deepest and darkest of these waters lie in online dating. I mean, Tinder alone has given me nightmares. But really. I’ve seen more dead animals in the last couple months, than I ever anticipated seeing in my entire life! I saw one man who had a normal enough opening photo, just him like standing in a field. Then his next photo was him in a nice suit, followed up by his final photo which was him taking a selfie holding a bunch of knives in front of his face! That’s obviously a murderer, right?

Nightmares.

Okay, I am aware that Tinder is not the most respectable place to go looking for love. I should have expected frightening creatures from the deep to appear with any given swipe, but love exists even in the darkest abyss. How rude is that? I know several fantastic people who have found love on Tinder. That fact is what enticed me to try it, but these people are the exceptions to the rule. The rule being that most people are the worst. Knowing this, I still ventured into other online dating pools, and unsurprisingly have exclusively found variations on the theme of gross. Next up was Bumble, which is very progressive in that women have to start the conversation! Finally, someone had the wild idea that women have a power of will!

Do you want to know my opening line? Yeah you do, it’s: “What’s your jam? Mine is space.”

Do you get it? I think it’s pretty good. In the rare case you don’t, I really love Space Jam. In the even rarer case you don’t know what Space Jam is, it’s a beautiful film starring basketball legend Michael Jordan, and the Looney Tunes. They join forces to defeat a group of evil aliens in a wacky basketball game, and Bill Murray is there too. So, yeah, it’s a strong opening line. It tells you what my priorities are in life, which are obviously comedy and great artistic works. It also sets up the opportunity for a riveting discussion. Most of the time I didn’t get a reply back. When I did, the answer was almost always: strawberry.

Finally, I waded into the waters of OkCupid. I was told this is where you went if you were serious about dating. Right off the bat, I was intimidated. You have to write essays and answer a ton of questions about yourself, and what you think your ideal partner would be like. Doing all that helped me figure out that my ideal partner would most likely not be using a dating site. They would be alone in their home watching Wes Anderson films, and journaling with their dog. Really, my ideal partner is Elijah Wood. Once I figured that out I decided to just throw caution to the wind, and put it all out there. I came up with a new goal. I was going to try and get catfished so I could be on that MTV show. I thought it was a pretty solid idea, and right away I met the perfect guy! After only a few hours with my interest parameters set to anywhere, and down for anything, a grade A cutie slid into my messages. His name was Kyle. He was a 23 years old currently living in L.A., but was originally from New Zealand. Then, to top it all off, he worked for SpaceX. Yeah, like that SpaceX! Jackpot, right? He even had an interesting opening line! Well, it was more like a little paragraph. His first message to me was,

“I could comment on your looks, because I find you absolutely beautiful, but that’s too easy. I’d rather comment on the fact that you seem like a really interesting person. You’ve lived a storied life, haven’t you?”

I was hooked. Day 1 we sent over a hundred messages back and forth before we finally upgraded to phone conversation on Day 2. His accent alone made me forget how entirely impractical a relationship would be. To top it all off, he was funny. Not nearly as funny as me, but still, pretty funny! On Day 3 we decided to have a Skype date, which was surprising at first, but I’ve seen every episode of Catfish and have learned that someone can look like their picture and still lie about everything else. So I remained cautious and prepared for disappointment. When that light blue screen faded into the man I’d been staring at in pictures for days, my brain fully tapped out. Basic sentence structure was long gone. At first I just giggled a lot and made vaguely affirming noises in response to his questions about which movie we should watch. I finally got it together enough to suggest we watch The Incredible Jessica James. I thought it was a good choice because it’s about a dope queen who dates a cute man with a fun accent, and that seemed too relevant to pass up.

We had a great time, and made plans to do it again the next day. I even found out that he really did work for SpaceX, his picture and bio were on their website. He was exactly who he said he was. Now, this is the part of the story when reality finally sets in. My brain got around to letting my heart know that this relationship wasn’t sustainable. On Day 4 he offered to fly across the country to hangout for the weekend.

That hella freaked me out.

In my opinion, I think I was justified in my reaction, but he didn’t feel the same way. His reaction was very similar to other guys I’ve said no to. He got mean. He brought up my weight, and said that I should feel grateful that he would even be interested in me. I hope you find that shocking, and aren’t like me, who is used to that experience. Though I may be used to it, I know it’s some straight bullshit. I’m a dope ass queen he was lucky to know, and now I’ve learned some things too.

I cast my net too wide, got tangled, and now I’m here.

Still very much alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that everyone will not find me to be a catch and a half. I’m a confident, loud, funny fat girl, and that can cause some people to quake in there lil’ fishing boots. I suppose it’s for the best, really. If I was admired as much as I admire, my heart would implode. At least with rejection, you bounce back, catch another smile, and do it all again. It’s not all that hard when you know you’ve got, at minimum, another 9 opportunities today.

[perfectly-wasted-youthhh]

lol binch if I did it you do too, 1-100

lmaoooo spiteful, but whatevs, also mine are gonna be more boring sorry.

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? Nope! 

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Yes in the sense that they’re in my life and I love them but I guess not fully in the sense that I’ll still feel upset sometimes. 

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

I think of cats. Like what

4: What’s something you really want right now?

To be comfy with my body so I don’t have to stress about it over the summer

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

No, I’m more afraid of not falling in love (sorry for how fake deep that sounds but for real)

6: Do you like the beach?

Very much, it will be my main habitat over the summer hopefully

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Yes, at like sleepovers, with their feet in my face. Romantic haha

8: What’s the background on your cell?

Amber, it makes me homesick but I like it anyways

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Mine in college, mine at home, Tu’s, and emme’s

10: Do you like your phone?

I’m very indifferent about it

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

No not really, I’m very okay with it but sometimes I feel like more is expected from me and it stresses me out. 

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

My chemistry lab partner sophie’s

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Neither are my fav breed but I knew a really friendly cute rottweiler when i was a kid so that probably

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

As someone who is overly emotional I’d say emotional pain but I’ve never been through a physical pain that has lasted beyond a dull ache.

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

I’ve never been to an art museum so I’d love to go to one for the experience but a zoo is a guaranteed good time

 16: Are you tired?

Mentally yes, but I can’t physically fall asleep haha

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

Alex Raydan, I’ve known him since 1st grade

18: Are they a relative?

Nope

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Nah

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

tonight

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

I don’t think it would be necessary, but if you could guarantee they were the person I’d want to be with all my life, then yeah I suppose 

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Maybe in the right context

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

I have one hair tie on each wrist for balance, does that count

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

“Don’t get mad. Don’t get even. Do better. Much better. Become so engulfed in your own success you forget it ever happened.” lmao literally just a quote I found on tumblr but I like it a lot and it makes me feel stronger so 

25: What’s on your mind?

u kno I’m plannin my summer aesthetic 24/7

26: Do you have any tattoos?

No, hoping to get some soon

27: What is your favorite color?

Deep green

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

I have no idea haha, hopefully over the summer but no guarantees lmao

29: Who are you texting?

No one at the moment

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

yes

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

yes

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

yes, i feel pretty comfy talking to michael, darious and zany. Gettin more comfy with vincent and tu now as well

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

Not particularly

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yes, it’s always very appreciated

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

I’d be pretty weirded out and wish they would stop lmao

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

Yessss

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

Yes, i am

38: What do your friends call you?

Binch, dude, bb, bbygirl, aside from the typical just Nikki

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Yes, but my bar for getting upset is pretty low oops

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

Yeah haha I have most of my serious conversations over text cuz I’m a lil bitch

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

Right in the center of my chest

42: What is it from?

Bra was too tight and pressed into my chest

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

Physics lecture last Tuesday when I was running on 3 hrs of sleep

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My mom

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

Yep, white sneakers

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

No I look considerably worse in hats

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Probably not I like my hair a lot

48: Do you make supper for your family?

No but my mom deserves it lol so I should try

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

Yes haha

50: Top 3 web-pages?

tumblr, netflix, hulu

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

my mom and dad both hate it

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

Yeah I worked out yesterday so my thighs and stomach hurt

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Extremely, I always build them up in my head so I’m always a little underwhelmed and unsatisfied when I leave

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

water

55: How is your hair?

It’s okay, I really need to get it cut, it’s lacking any style lmao

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Brushing my teeth is always first

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

Yeah I think so, but I think it involves a lot of compromise and effort

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? hahaha yes

59: Green or purple grapes? purple for sure, the darker the better

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

Probably june 15th when I say goodbye to my roommates for the summer 

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Yes, I wish I were home

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

Probably tomorrow afternoon

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Sleppin

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Sleppin

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Kyle 

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Tommy melts my heart he’s precious, same with Charlotte

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

no kissing, and I’m pretty sure no hugging either

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

lmao “why is no one responding to me”

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Yes maybe once or twice, but usually I’ve gotten what I’ve wanted out of situations so go me

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

4

71: How many fingers do you have?

all of them thankfully

72: What is your ringtone?

the default

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

Still 19 haha

74: Where is your Mum right now?

In vista CA no one try to find her and kill her pls

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

Just wasn’t right I guess

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

No I have not

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Yes!

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

Brody Barnhill

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

Pipe down Mike

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Nooope

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

I have very fleeting interests in college, but people I’ve liked for more than a few days would be zero haha

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

Emme and tracy are constantly seeing me in my underwear

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

Nope

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

Kelsey and Amber probably and both of them are telling me to fucking stop

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

Yeah, if it was habitual use

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

I almost wasn’t allowed to see Baywatch because I didn’t think it was rated R and apparently I do not look 17 and my college ID wasn’t proof enough that I was at least 18 lmao

87: Who was your last received call from?

Me mum

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

Yes

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Money and motivation lmao

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Perhaps, but it’s never been to much of an issue, just embarrassing for me sometimes

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

Yes it gets very hot in this room

92: Do you get along with girls?

Pretty much 100% of the time

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

Nope

94: Does sex mean love?

Nope 

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Nah, maybe a little boring after a while but that’s all

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

No, I don’t know how I’d feel about it, I feel like I’d be afraid of pulling it somehow

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

All the time haha

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

Yes, I do haha

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not particularly, it sounds nice tho

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

I think emme, she likes that kind of stuff 

Hope this made you feel better Michael lmao

[words-and-fangirling-wonder]

A is For Anniversary (Part 1)

So since I’m now completely past the actual Eustass Kid Week event, I’m going to just post as often as I can until I finish this story. The prompt for this is Anniversary, but it will actually be a three-part series. This part is  from Kid’s perspective.

Author: fangirlwonder (wordsandwonder on AO3)

Pairing: Kid/Law

Prompt: Anniversary

Rating: Teen, but only for swearing and stuff, I don’t know I’m bad at rating

Beta’d by: @fitgirlfaith24

Kid had never been good at this kind of thing. Well, probably. To be fair, he’d never actually tried to be, so he couldn’t really say for sure, but he didn’t feel like the type of guy that would be good at it. But this was different. This was Law. And he wanted to make it good for him, even though in all honestly Law probably wouldn’t care. For all that the doctor could be a moody little bitch (which Kid meant as a term of endearment, really), he was probably the least romantic person Kid had ever met; which suited him just fine because it meant he didn’t have to stress over trying to pull off any dramatic gestures of affection or any of that other bullshit that had always made him shy away from relationships in the past.

But again, this was Law, and that made things different. Because for the first time in his life Eustass Kid had reached a relationship milestone. Six. Whole. Months. With the same person. That was six months of commitment. Six months of rarely (if ever) getting to choose the movie, or the take-out they ordered. Of sitting around bored because Law wanted to read his latest medical journal in peace (meaning Kid couldn’t talk, or move around a lot, or breathe too loudly), but he also didn’t want Kid to leave. Six months of snarky comments and superior smirks and mood swings that gave Kid whip lash and somehow not caring about all of that because Law was worth it. Because Law traded his onions for Kid’s tomatoes when they got burgers. Because Law would listen to Kid enthuse about various cars and car parts for hours without complaining, even though he had no idea what the mechanic was talking about. Because he let Kid kiss him right when he got in from work, even though he was covered in dirt and grease and Law hated mess. Because every time Kid made the doctor smile it was a direct achievement, and making him laugh felt like winning a fucking gold medal. So damnit, Kid had to make this fucking special.

Which is how he ended up staring helplessly at the colorful display of anniversary cards for half an hour. Because really, he had never been good at this.

What he needed was some help, but who could he ask? All his friends were assholes, and even if he felt comfortable asking Law’s friends, he knew they would just tell the surgeon and ruin it. So who? He’d been trying to think of romantic people that he knew and he was coming up completely blank.

Vibrations in his pocket drew him out of his musings and reminded him that he really should get a new phone. Because ever since the doctor had replaced his terrible couch, Kid didn’t have a comeback when Law told him to get a new phone, and that was just unacceptable. He flipped it open with a little more force than was probably good for the ancient piece of technology and angrily read the text that had so rudely interrupted his impotent staring.

Bonney: Mom wants to know if ur coming for dinner Sunday

Kid groaned. He’d forgotten about the family dinner he had at his mom and step-dad’s house every month. It was the same day as his anniversary.

Kid: Can’t

The response was almost instantaneous. Bonney: Mom says why not, asshole

Kid: Mom did not call me an asshole

Bonney: It was implied.

Kid: Whatever, I can’t make it.

Bonney: Mom says are u dying

Kid: What the hell? No, I’m not dying

Bonney: Mom says good then see u Sunday

Kid growled at his phone in frustration, startling the woman who was browsing the cards next to him. “Sorry,” he muttered, angrily typing out a reply.

Kid: I said I can’t, damnit.

Bonney: But why

Kid: I have plans

Bonney: U can cancel on Killer u live w him

Kid: Yeah, well they’re not plans with Killer, smartass.

Bonney: Then who

Kid: None of your damn business, Bonney. Just leave it.

Bonney: Boy or girl

Kid: What?

Bonney: The person ur ditching ur FAMILY for

Kid: Didn’t I say to fucking leave it?

Bonney: Tell me or I’m telling mom u swore at me. I’m young and impressionable u know

Kid snorted at that. Bonney was 16 going on 30 and was about as impressionable as a brick wall.

Kid: Fine. It’s a guy. Now leave me alone.

Bonney: No cuz ur still ditching ur family to MAYBE get lucky

Kid: It’s not like that. And I’m DEFINITELY gonna get lucky.

Bonney: Well aren’t u optimistic.

Kid: Not really, cuz don’t people usually get laid on their anniversaries?

The satisfaction he felt upon hitting the send button slowly melted away into horror as Kid realized that in his haste to win the argument against his sister he had admitted to being in a serious relationship. His phone buzzed and he flipped it open without looking at the screen, expecting a text, but was greeted with a high-pitched shriek instead.

“ANNIVERSARY?!?!?!?”

“Shit, Bonney, you wanna scream that a little louder? I don’t think the people in fucking China heard you,” he growled.

“Okay,” the girl retorted. “ANNIVERSARY?!?!?!?”

Kid winced and held the phone away from his ear, causing the woman still reading through cards near him to shoot a worried glance his way. “Look, just shut up, okay? It’s not a big deal, it’s just six months-“

“SIX MONTHS?!?!?”

“Jesus, do you only have one volume setting?”

“When I find out that my only big brother has been in a secret relationship for six months and hasn’t told me? Yeah, you’re damn right I’m going to be loud! How could you not tell me?! I mean, I get not telling Mom and Al, but me?!? I’m your sister!”

“Yeah, and it’s none of your business! Plus you’d just tell mom anyway and it’s none of her business either!”

Bonney inhaled sharply. “How dare you, sir! I would never! Although if you think I would? Then maybe I should!”

“Bonney, don’t you dare. I’ll tell her soon, okay? It’s just … Look, Law’s weird about family and I don’t need you guys suddenly trying to get to know him and scaring him off.”

“What kinda name is Law? Also, whaddaya mean he’s weird about family? Does he not want to meet us? Cuz that’s a red flag, big brother. You shouldn’t commit to someone who isn’t willing to meet your family. When Cassie was dating Kyle last semester? He kept coming up with reasons not to meet her family and I kept telling her that she needed to figure out why and talk to him but he put it off and put it off and then she finally cornered him and got him to talk about it and then it turned out he didn’t want to meet them because he had a police record already and her dad was his parole officer or something. And also he was cheating on her. So you never know about that kind of thing.”

When his sister finally paused to breathe Kid was quick to jump in, hoping to avoid more stories from the soap opera-like high school drama she called her life. “It’s not like that. Law doesn’t have a record, he’s not cheating on me, and again, it’s none of your business why he’s not ready to meet the family. Now if you don’t mind, I need to get off the phone so I can find him a fucking card.”

There was a slight pause. “You’re getting him a card?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Wow. That’s … new for you.”

Kid rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I gotta go, okay? Tell mom I’ll come over next Sunday to make up for missing this week.”

“Fine. Want me to tell her you’re sick?”

“Nah, just that I have plans I can’t rearrange or some shit. Thanks, Bonney.”

“Mmmhmm, you totally owe me. Bring me some of that weird gum you got me for my birthday when you come.”

He grinned and nodded even though she couldn’t see it. “Sure, fine. See you next Sunday.”

“Text me!”

“Uh-huh, bye.”

“Bye!”

Well, that went better than he thought it would. Bonney was pretty okay as far as kid sisters went, but she could really be like a dog with a bone with this kind of thing. Looking back at the colorful collection of cards, Kid decided not to dwell on why she let it go so easily in favor of facing the problem at hand. Picking out the perfect anniversary card.

“Having trouble?” a feminine voice asked behind him, and Kid turned to see a slender young woman with short, bright orange hair looking at him quizzically. She didn’t look like she could be much older than his sister, maybe eighteen or so, and the nametag pinned to the front of her uniform shirt said “Nami.”

“Uh, nah … I mean, kinda, uh, but it’s … I’m good, thanks.”

She rolled her eyes and moved closer, plucking the card he was holding and quirking an eyebrow as she read it.

“I love you beary much?” she asked, pointing to the smiling teddy-bear under the big block lettering. “Are you dating a twelve-year-old?”

“I was being ironic?”

The look she gave him made it very clear what she thought of that as she put the card back. “Tell me something about the person you’re buying the card for.”

“Look, I got this, okay? I really don’t need any help, just-“

“Too late. I’m invested now. So. Tell me about her.”

“Him.”

If that revelation shocked the girl she didn’t show it. “Okay, tell me something about him, then.”

“He’s a doctor.” Wait a minute. Why exactly was Kid telling this complete stranger things? “He’s kind of an asshole; sarcastic and stuff. He likes nerdy shit.” What the fuck. It was like his mouth started moving without permission from his brain the second he looked into her eyes.

“Hmmm. Does he like cutesy stuff?” Seeing Kid’s immediate grimace she smiled. “Okay, no cutesy stuff then. What about this?” She held up a blank white card with bold black lettering that simply said: I Like You More Than Pizza. Kid snorted and took the card from her, opening it. It was also blank on the inside except for more words, saying: So There’s That. Happy Anniversary.

“That’s … kinda perfect. Ha, actually, it’s totally perfect because I can’t even remember the last time I had pizza.”

The girl raised her eyebrows, looking confused. “Uh, okay? What does that have to do with it?”

“Cuz he hates bread. Including pizza crust. So since I’ve been with him I haven’t really had pizza.” Kid paused as a realization hit him. “Shit, did I give up pizza for that asshole? Oh my God, I fucking did. That fucker. I fucking love pizza.”

“What kind of person hates bread? That’s just weird.”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t know what his problem with it is, he just really fucking hates it.” He gave the salesgirl a slightly awkward smile. “Hey, uh, thanks. I’ve been here for like –“

“Fifty three minutes,” she supplied with a smirk. “I timed you. I bet my co-worker that I could help you find the perfect card in less than five minutes and I won so now he owes me five bucks. So actually, thank you.”

Kid briefly considered being offended, but decided against it as he looked over the card again. It really was perfect for the surgeon. Now all he had to do was get a gift that was equally as perfect and plan a date that would also be perfect and … well fuck.

Kid really had never been good at these things.

[mysticdragon3md3]

MD3 watches Carole & Tuesday season 1 part 2

I didn't write any reaction notes while watching eps13-14 because I wasn't at my laptop at the time.  And I didn't write any during ep15, because I was trying to not be so distracted.  By by ep16, I couldn't not write reactions anymore.  ^^;;;;

Also, I watched this half of the season mostly in English dub.  I thought if I did, I wouldn't get so distracted. And it did help me be able to watch while I ate.  Yet I ended up marathoning the rest of the series all day.  ^^;;;;;  

2:26 PM 12/27/2019

Carole and Tuesday ep16

"Where can we find a band that will play for free?"  *Turns corner and finds a band playing for free*  LOL  I love this show!  LOL  ^o^  No, but seriously, I love how virtually conflict-free it is.  Whatever obstacles there are, get resolved quickly or by the end of an episode or 2.  ^o^  I used to be the type who was all about the "demon hunter" subgenre and Shonen anime.  But yesterday, I had to admit that maybe I'm not that anymore.  Yesterday, I had been trying to get myself to catch up on Dr. Stone and Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba, but instead I watched more Ascendance of a Bookworm and Carole & Tuesday.  ~.~;  For a few years now, I've found myself unable to watch anything outside of the iyashikei genre: moe shows, slice of life, "feel good" series, etc.  Hell, Natsume Yuujinchou is one of my top 3 favorite anime.  And now I can't stop watching Carole & Tuesday...but I can't get myself to watch more of a good show like Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba.  x~x;  I guess this means my anxiety has gotten really bad if I have to exclusively watch soothing series with no traumatic drama.  I recently heard a movie reviewer (reviewing Uncut Gems and) describing the Drama genre as supposed to make you tense and uncomfortable, and I was like, "Nope.  Not for me.  No wonder I can't watch dramas."  But I don't want people to mistake me as saying series like Carole & Tuesday and Natsume Yuujinchou are "shallow".  I cry at every episode of Natsume Yuujinchou.  Carole & Tuesday constantly move me inside.  It's just not the manufactued drama and glorification of meanspiritedness that seems to be on display in the Drama genre (for dramam series/movies outside of iyashikei category).  

"She was born poor.  Her parents both died when she was young."  What?  I saw this clip subtitled before Netflix US was able to premier it.  And the translator said that Flora's parents died because they couldn't afford their hospital bills.  And that really struck me.  It's a real thing going on in the US.  So I'm sad that Netflix didn't have the same translation in their subtitles.  

Oh, wow.  The dub translated it as "She lost both her parents at a young age, becuase they couldn't afford a hospital."

---------------------------------------------------

Carole & Tuesday ep17

Ertegun is so stupid.  LOL  He doesn't even realize that the one thing he has left is his name, and he could use that to make money.  

I was so sure Aaron was the black_knight.  Well, at least we can ID the stalker by his fingernails.  

LOL  They both thought they could get away with playing the same song.  LOL  

You tell her, Spencer.

Woah.  It just turned into Perfect Blue.  

6:51 PM 12/27/2019

Continuing the ep.

Well, you sure ARE going to die soon. I don't care if Ertegun has been mostly an antagonist during the first half of this series.  That Pinocchio needs to get pummeled.  lol  But don't kick him into the air!  Take him to jail!

-----------------------------------------------------

6:57 PM 12/27/2019

Carole & Tuesday ep18

They're not going to try to interrogate Aaron?  Sounds like he has an idea who the stalker is.

They didn't ALREADY tell the police?!????

Hofner!  I like when Gus reconnects with his old friends.  Even if it is business. It's like a glimpse of these guys being rag-tag musicians back in the day, contrasted against them now, is kind of amusing.  

Why is she interviewing him?  I thought Tuesday wanted to ask him what he's been covering about her mom.

I should look up Kyle's voice actor.  He sounds familiar.  

Now that I think about it, Angela has been really preoccupied by this stalker stubplot.  Usually she's more of an antagonist towards Carole and Tuesday.  

Well, the phone is bugged.  ...Or is it the car?

"Anti-Mars" terrorists?  

Please don't tell me Jerry caused the exploison.

Well, I didn't expect Tao to get pulled into this political subplot.  

I kind of wish I hadn't seen this clip of "Threads" beforehand.  Then I wouldn't have been reading for when Tuesday was crushing on Kyle.  Still, even while watching it, if it wasn't for Tuesday's blushing, I probably wouldn't have gotten the hint that she was forming a crush on him, because I didn't really see why anyone would crush on him for the few interactions they've had.  I mean, Tuesday finally talked about her mom and even fears that she's afraid to burden Carole with.  So maybe she confused "friendship-like therapy sessions" with a deep connection?  

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7:33 PM 12/27/2019

Carole & Tuesday ep19

I hope Alba City's infrasstructure is built for snow and whatever run-off water it might cause.  

They don't have money for a big stage show!  LOL

I wonder if Tao and BlackKnight know each other from past programming industry.  

Bilboard status!

Aw, don't call Ertigun a traitor...

I'm surprised Carole recognized Amer.  Boys' facial bone structures can change a lot as they grow.  

Whenever Angela and Carole&Tuesday have their little stand-offs, it reminds me of a "battle anime".  lol

"If you tell us, maybe I'll stop calling you a traitor."  Oh, poor Roddy!  LOL

I actually really like this idea of Tao's programming skills, how the analytical psychology programs apply to both music and politics, all this AI, and hacking.  If they made a whole series about that, I'd be very interested.  

Dun dun DUN!

Even though Ertigun is an idiot and can be a jerk, it still is sad to see someone sad.  

I wonder if the Black Knight set up this hoodie guy---and there we go.

Oh!  So that's why that lcip I saw of Carole & Tuesday's song from this ep seemed like most of their electronics were out of comission.  I'm surprised Tao's microwave emitter didn't blow out Ertigun's electronic equipment too.  ----Wait.  So all their equipment wasn't blown out?  They chose to go low fi?  Good.  It's like what that Chinese cinema movie critic said: It's better to contrast a superstar vs trying to copy cat Bruce Lee; that's why Jackie Chan was able to stand out.  But it's really sweet that Carole & Tuesday prefaced their performance with "this is how we play at home for each other".  ;u;  Even if it's quiet, it's cool to see the crowd so perfectly captivated.  

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7:58 PM 12/27/2019

Carole & Tuesday ep20

Jeeze, this is getting serious.  As in uncomfortably plausable in real life.  Big companies being behind a political candidate, so they can manipulate laws to get away with whatever they want...  Yeek.  

"Popcorn Bomb"?  ^o^

Wait a second...  I switched to Japanese dub so I could check out his seiyuu...  Is that...Keiji Fujiwara?  No way...  Wikipedia says Subaru Kimura.  

I like that this series is discussing how rap is used as a protest tool.  I'm not that familiar with the genre, so I wasn't aware of how entrenched it is in politics until I saw some reports recently.  Apparently, there are even authoritarian governments trying to create their own rappers, in an attempt to drown out all the dissident popular rappers.  

I know "I don't have time to be sad" is framed as some kind of "admirable" resilience, but it seems kind of sad to me.  

It's funny how little characterization their band is given, other than their character design and a few short moments, but I guess this series doesn't have much time for that on top of everything else.  

Well, that's a target on Amer's back.

Angela's adopted?  

Maybe I haven't noted this yet, but it's really creative all the ways this series finds to save its budget. Like keeping Angela in essentially the same outfit as one of her previous standard costume designs, but just changing the color of her strapless top.  And they get away with it; it really does look very different, just by changing the color (and probably symolizes the darker turn her story is taking.)  It's impressive.  It's how studio Bones can afford all this rotoscoping and so much more animation that other series.  

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8:25 PM 12/27/2019

Carole & Tuesday ep21

"Nevermind the serious darma going on in Angela's B plot.  Let's get on with our A plot."  LOL

Y'know there's a lot of anime where a girls says, "Will you go somewhere with me?"  And she's framed really cute.  Then cut, and there's supposed to be some kind of scene of them hanging out that the characters say isn't a date, but the direction/framing and the male protagonist treat like a date.  Is that phrase "Wanna go somewhere with me?" like a common phrase in Japanese used to ask someone out on a date?  

HOw did Roddy make that promise without already knowing how much a natural Christmas tree costs?  lol

Wow. So many pills. This escalated quickly.

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8:43 PM 12/27/2019

Carole & Tuesday ep22

I"m so glad we have protagonists who can worry about their "rival".  

"You don't have time to be worrying about other people."  But that's why I like Carole & Tuesday!  ;o;!

Now that I think about it, isn't it weird that they're meeting and having this complicated discussions with Crystal in a hotel lobby instead of a conference room?  But hey, if it saves studio Bones money to reuse the same set designs, rather than design a whole new conference room and hall to a conference room, then it's an impressive budget cutting technique.  

They're so cute!  Jumping up and down and giggling.  ^o^

Look how flabergasted Carole looks while Tuesday sings "happy birthday" to her! ^o^ And Ziggy is so cute!  Cooing/singing along too.  ^o^

Professor Zeeman?  Who's that?

Whole scene stopped so Roddy can compliment their dresses...  Dawwwwww.... ^___^

Omg someone really studied US award ceremony monologues.  All the cheesey cringe and shout-outs to the audience and everything. O_o

OMG  The host is outsing Tuesday's relation to Valerie?!  Did peopel know that before???

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9:04 PM 12/27/2019

Carole & Tuesday ep23

Aw, Angela's #1 fan/manager is back.  

Dang.  Skip-tachi getting arrested for just walking down the street.  I know I started off watching this show because "nothing really bad happens", but as these last few episodes come up, it's sure escalating into "real world problems" territory.  o_o  I can't even look at the "MICE" on the cops' backs and this whole subplot about refugees and immigration being used as a political talking point for an election more than as anything else, without thinking of real world problems right now.  

Just a second ago, I thought it was really cool that Spencer was actually in Carole & Tuesday's apartment.  But now EVERYBODY'S there!  LOL

I like that they mentioned "scaring people into self-censorship" and not just banning freedom of speech.  

At first, this speech sounded like unrealistic slice of life fluff.  "Saving the world through a song"?  Isn't that what won the war in Macross?  That level of unrealism.  But when Tuesday said, "If we can all sing freely, none of us will be silenced," then it all made sense as a unified protest song.  Like, "I dare you to arrest the entire industry".  

"But a person who's not idealistic is nothing but a slave!" turned into "Although, if you don't defend what you believe in, then what's the use in living."  o.o

Well, I didn't expect Valerie to confront Jerry about the bombing.

Well, now we know why the first episodes introduced the Immigration Hall.

Wow.  there's a whole cyberpunk corporate espionage movie going on in the B plot.  lol

Oh..."Mother Earth"...I saw spoilers of that song before I actually watched this episode.  That was the one interpretation I didn't consider.  

I love when the cuts go to Ziggy with the sleepy eyes.

I'm really glad they brought back Angela's #1 fan/manager to be there to listen to Angela's emotional breakdown.  

I like that Tao and his AI exchanged some semblence of "human"/empathic concern in saying goodbye to each other.

Is Tao really going to disappear?

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9:34 PM 12/27/2019

Carole & Tuesday ep24

So Pr. Zeeman is a designer baby creator.  

Oh, wow.  Tao and Angela are like siblings.  

Don't people die by jumping off bridges?????? O~O!

LOL  Scream from the rooftops then "SHUT UP!"  LOL

The landlord finally spoke!  ^o^

Aw, their idol Crystal is fangirling over their other idol Flora.  And then Desmond appears to overshadow them all.  LOL

AW, they even brought back Carole's friend working security at the Immigration Hall.  ;u;

Finally watching this song in context.  ;U;

Well, if Shinichiro Watanabe wanted to make a series about the music industry and all its tropes, he did it.  It's got that "We Are the World" moment and everything.  

The lyrics of "Mother" really mean something different after realizing they're protesting for freedom of speech.  o.O

9:56 PM 12/27/2019

And now, done.  That was Carole and Tuesday.  ^___^

[funnythingshere0-blog]

Adam Driver 'SNL' Sketches Ranked Worst to First: Matt Damon's Brett Kavanaugh, Pete Davidson's Summer

New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/adam-driver-snl-sketches-ranked-worst-to-first-matt-damons-brett-kavanaugh-pete-davidsons-summer/

Adam Driver 'SNL' Sketches Ranked Worst to First: Matt Damon's Brett Kavanaugh, Pete Davidson's Summer

Adam Driver may have been the host of this premiere, but it kind of felt like musical guest Kanye West got way more attention. Not only did he get his usual two musical spots during the show, he even took over the stage for a third performance at the end.

Meanwhile, Driver really only got a few chances to shine throughout the night. He was in a lot of the sketches, but he was subdued in most of them. His “Career Day” appearance was easily his most over-the-top and it showed how much he’s willing to throw himself into these characters. It was both ridiculous and hilarious.

Kanye was joined by Lil Pump for “I Love It,” but they skipped the boxy suits for bottled water costumes instead. If you thought this song barely worked as a music video, Kanye was basically saying, ‘Here hold my water’ with this performance. It worked much better when he premiered new song “We Got Love” with Teyana Taylor jumping all around the stage. They sounded stronger and the song held together much better.

For a season premiere, many of the sketches felt half-baked, as if they hadn’t quite come together fully, which is crazy. Last season, weeks that allowed this group more than one week to come up with the show were some of their strongest outings, but that just wasn’t the case here. We did enjoy Pete Davidson talking about what he did over the summer.

And we got some sneak peeks into the camaraderie of the cast behind the scenes, which is always fun. They also introduced new featured player Ego Nwodim, but she did virtually nothing this week. We’ll keep an eye on her to see how she grows throughout the season and hopefully finds her voice.

As usual, we’re ranking all the sketches from worst to first, including the Cold Open and the regular “Weekend Update” segments. We’ll skip the musical guests, because they’re not usually funny – unless Ashlee Simpson shows up. We wrap up with a look at the cast-member who had the strongest week.

MONOLOGUE – Adam Driver

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“One huge spoiler about ‘Star Wars’–” Adam Driver said, before getting interrupted by Beck Bennett, who wanted to talk about his summer. That was essentially the thrust of his monologue, the entire cast wanting to gab about their summer and Adam really hating small talk.He suffered through Kenan Thompson and Aidy Bryant, but when Pete Davidson came out, Pete wasn’t interested in sharing. “No, you’re the one person who’s summer I really want to hear about,” Adam said. But that was the end. It wasn’t hugely hilarious, but it was kind of fun watching Adam sear burning hatred into Kenan, who did his classic “Kenan face” in response.

Vermont

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Beck Bennett proposes white people leave and form their own nation, but Adam Driver says there already is a place like that: Vermont. And then the whole sketch just described “white paradise” and how much it looked like Vermont. It never got to be too much or too funny or too silly or even a little over-the-top. It was just white supremacists thinking Vermont sounds really nice. We can’t imagine Vermont loving the sketch, but otherwise it was disappointingly bland.

Fortnite

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We suppose it was inevitable considering how insanely popular it is, but “SNL” went all in on this “Fortnite” sketch. They had Kyle Mooney, Pete Davidson and Adam Driver as players, but we didn’t expect them to bring the characters to life, too, with Mikey Day as Driver’s character, and Chris Redd and Heidi Gardner rounding out the digital cast. Adam played a middle-aged father who’d never played the game before, so that was it. Mikey mimicked the ridiculous things Adam was making him do, while the other guys got irritated until they all died. But at that point, it was a mercy killing. The sketch could have been funny or had a fun twist, but it had that one visual joke and nothing else.

Rad Times at Frat U

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So that was a weird one. A pre-taped sketch of an 80s frat party with constant freezes to drop notes on the screen about what happened to the people after; none of it good. From the innocent, like a guy who was excited to see girls now being married to a man, to the more serious — though never going so far as assault beyond a forced kiss. We thought the sketch was going somewhere with all of this, but it never really did. Clearly a reference to Kavanaugh’s partying days, but it didn’t skate the edge to drive home any sort of point.

Pete Davidson’s Shadow

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If it wasn’t intentional that announcer Darrell Hammond didn’t even say Kyle Mooney’s name during the opening credits, it fed perfectly into this early-show sketch about his insecurities. After Pete Davidson got engaged to Ariana Grande, Kyle Mooney realized he might never get the recognition he so desperately craves on the show in one of his pre-taped introspective videos. These are always weird and funny and awkward, but it’s where we got the sordid saga of his long romance with Leslie Jones, too, so we’re here for it. This time, he decided to solve his invisibility problem by becoming Pete, complete with blonde hair and slacker attitude. But rather than get a pop star to date, he brought out the real Wendy Williams as his girlfriend, complete with a pig. We also got an inside look at how “SNL” handles internal problems, and it is medieval and not pretty.

Weekend Update

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“If you’re drinking a bunch and you keep a calendar, it’s probably to help piece together what’s happening in your life,” Colin Jost said, as he and Michael Che went in on Kavanaugh’s blustery and angry hearing responses, though we don’t think Michael’s “might be” argument quite holds water.

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They saved a few moments to get into some of the other terrifying news of the summer, like that new and absolutely horrifying mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers. Who approved this monstrosity?

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Kate McKinnon then dropped by as Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg to comment and fire off some Gins-burns at everyone from Kavanaugh to Republican Senator Jeff Flake, who pushed for an FBI investigation to, as she sees it, protect his ass before he votes yes anyway.

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Out of nowhere, Leslie Jones interrupted as Serena Williams, despite the bit being cut. This kind of banter always helps to bring us deeper into the world of “SNL,” helping us connect to the cast-members behind the characters, and we are here for them. Plus, she did look great.

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Finally, and we all knew it was coming, Pete Davidson dropped by to finally answer the question Adam Driver wanted in the “Cold Open.” How did he spend his summer vacation? Well, we all know the details, but he said he hates all the attention. “It’s Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr. and Pete Davidson. All people who’ve gotten death threats,” he said. When asked about the prenup situation, Pete said he wanted one. “God forbid we break up and she takes half my sneakers.” He then joked he swapped her birth control for Tic-Tacs. “I believe in us and all,” he said. “I just want to make sure she cant go anywhere.”

COLD OPEN – Kavanaugh Hearing

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With no sign of Alec Baldwin’s Trump, we instead got a fresh and energetic exploration of the Kavanaugh hearing, with Matt Damon absolutely killing it as the Supreme Court nominee. “”I’m gonna start at an 11 and I’m gonna take it to a 15 real quick!” he shouted, setting the stage for alternating anger and tears as he cited Kathy Griffin and Ronan “Sinatra” as part of the left-wing conspiracy against him. The Senators were played by a who’s who of the cast (including Rachel Dratch), with Kate McKinnon coming unhinged as Sen. Lindsey Graham, though we’re not sure she has a completely successful take on him yet. It went a little long, but every time Damon was glowering on-screen, we realized we could take just a little bit more. If Kavanaugh is going to stay in the news cycle, here’s hoping Matt is game to keep playing him.

Career Day

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Pete Davidson’s 82-year-old father, played by Adam Driver, brings the fire as an oil baron who crushes his enemy and grinds their bones into the dirt. Turns out the other kids think he’s a lot cooler than either Pete or the teacher (Aidy Bryant). This was absolutely bizarre, but Adam was so committed to his ridiculous, screaming character that we found ourselves as unable to hold it together as Pete and some of the other students. This recurring sketch has always been hit or miss, but when your “parent” character is this ridiculous and played this well, it’s always going to work.

Coffee Taste Test

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We’ve seen this before, where Mikey Day surprises taste-test participants with a product that isn’t nearly as fancy as they think. This time, it was Burger King coffee, and this time it was Adam Driver and Cecily Strong who got to lose their s–t over it. “You fed my wife this garbage, this burger juice?” Adam shouted incensed, while Cecily kept insisting hers must be the fancy coffee. We’re not sure why these are always funny, but it’s how worked up one couple always gets over being fooled, and Cecily was hilariously clueless throughout.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Pete Davidson may have been the most anticipated cast-member in this premiere, if just to hear him make jokes about Ariana Grande, and he did not disappoint, but he didn’t really shine beyond his “Weeked Update” appearance. Remarkably, no single cast-member stepped up in a huge way in this very balanced episode.

So we’re going to give it to the cast-member who sold their spotlight sketch the strongest, which narrows it down to Kyle Mooney and Cecily Strong, with the edge going to Cecily for her ridiculously clueless coffee taster. Yes, we know Kate McKinnon gave us Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Lindsey Graham, but we didn’t love her Graham as much as other characters she’s done.

“Saturday Night Live” continues next week with host Awkwafina and musical guest Travis Scott, Saturday at 11:35 p.m. et on NBC.

Got a story or a tip for us? Email TooFab editors at tips@toofab.com.

View Photos Getty ‘The Walking Dead’ Cast Looked Killer at Season 9 Premiere

Source: http://toofab.com/2018/09/30/adam-driver-snl-sketches-ranked-worst-to-first-matt-damons-brett-kavanaugh-pete-davidsons-summer/