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goldenavenger02 · 28 days ago

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i'm a mess but i'm the mess that you wanted

There was no denying it; Chase was "crushing hard", as Bree would put it, on Kaz and it had been that way since they had worked together to make the mission suits.

But he refused to let it play out; it wasn't that he thought that Kaz would turn on him, would betray all four of them for some backwards, evil cause. That wasn't who he was.

But he also didn't think that's who Reese was, and it sure as hell wasn't who he thought Sebastian was.

(Angel and Logan, if you see this...no you didn't. We're blaming this one on mental illness

and now, on with the story!)

It wasn't that Kaz was an insomniac.

He and Oliver had grown accustomed to sleeping wherever they could during their breaks at Mighty Med, but as a result, the two of them, especially Kaz, were sensitive to noise while sleeping.

All it took was a couple of beeps, or a gasp of air, or the onslaught of chaos to instantly rip him from whatever dream he was having and back into reality into a second, not even having to rub the sleep from his eyes before rushing into the disarray that had woken him up in the first place.

It was one of the pros of spending almost three years working in a hospital, but it was a con at the same time, like a double-edged sword as Oliver would put it.

But those days were behind him with the hospital gone, and now he was eleven hours from the town he had grown up in, traded for the rushing city all around him.

Okay, so maybe the noise was keeping him awake, but that still didn't mean he was an insomniac.

It did mean, however, that when he heard the click and hiss of Chase's capsule sliding open, there was no mistaking it with one of the city noises and that was before he added the fact that he heard Chase's footsteps only grew more and more quiet.

He waited until he couldn't hear the footsteps anymore before rolling over to grab his phone off his nightstand, only for the weirdest part of it all to hit him.

Chase had always been an early riser according to Bree, but even Kaz knew that early riser was not equal to 3:27 a.m.

That meant that Bree would not be getting out of bed unless all hell rained down on them, adding Skylar's snores that were strong enough to occasionally hear in the boy's room and Oliver sound asleep with his blanket grasped tightly in his hand, that meant that it was up to him to find out why Chase wasn't sleeping.

He quietly pulled himself from bed, his arms instantly springing into goosebumps despite his abnormally high body temperature that had kicked in after he got his powers with the chill filling the whole room.

He quickly grabbed his hoodie from where it was laying on top of his dresser before slowly making his way past Oliver since there was no reason for all three of them to be awake before descending down the stairs.

At first, he was ready to make a turn to the left and go right down into Mission Command to pull Chase away from…whatever science project he had going on down there that could wait for three more hours, minimum.

But just before he clicked the button for the hyper lift to open, that was when he heard it; the whistle of wind that meant the balcony door was open.

Kaz made his way across the kitchen in an instant, looking out the window and letting out a small sigh of relief; Chase was sitting on one of the white chairs, looking up at the night sky.

Safe.

He gently knocked on the side of the door, waiting for Chase to turn his head and look at him with those soft, hazel eyes that always made his heart flutter a little too hard-

'Reese happened three months ago,' he internally chastised himself as he pushed the door open, 'play it cool.'

"Hey, buddy," Kaz said, closing the door firmly so the chill wouldn't spread throughout the entire penthouse before sitting on the other white chair, across from Chase, "you doing okay?"

"Did I wake you up?" He asked instantly, this look of regret and guilt crossing his face instantly, the kind of look that made Kaz feel awful for causing yet again.

"Nah," he insisted, waiting for Chase's face to relax, "Working the night shift at Mighty Med, it means noise keeps me up easily. I don't know how many cars I heard drive by before your capsule opened."

"So you have insomnia?"

"No, I'm just…sensitive to noise."

"Join the club," Chase sighed before relaxing against the chair, biting the edge of his bottom lip for a moment before speaking again, "all this light pollution makes it impossible to see the constellations."

"I thought you lived in California."

"We lived on a butte, so we had a fantastic view of the sky and at the academy, it was even better," Chase explained, his eyes lighting up like the stars, "but you can't see any of them here."

In a lot of ways, Kaz knew he was luckier than Chase had been; he had been going to school since he was 4, he met his best friend there and he was still his best friend, he had grown up with a nearly normal life compared to the fourteen years Chase had spent in a basement with no one but his older siblings.

But in other ways, he could see where that luck had run out, like how he had spent so much time taking care of his siblings that he had never taken the chance to learn about the stars and their formation, let alone spend hours on end studying them the way Chase clearly had.

"Well, why don't you tell me about them?"

"I don't know about that."

"Aw, why not?"

"Because the last time I was talking about science around you, you made our coffee table burst into flames."

"That was like, ten months ago!" Kaz protested, "besides, this is cool nature science, not chemistry science. Come on, tell me."

Chase paused for a moment, looking up like he was asking the stars neither of them could see for guidance before looking back into Kaz's eyes with what he could only assume was a hint of amusement, "fine, but come sit over here so I can show you the pictures on my phone."

Kaz didn't hesitate, taking the few steps to sit next to Chase, leaning over his shoulder as he pulled up a list of constellations while speaking, "so my favorite one, is Cepheus. It's actually visible year-round in the Northern Hemisphere and it's close to Cassiopeia…"

He could feel exhaustion creeping into his bones, but he ignored it in favor of the fluttering feeling in his chest and watching Chase's eyes light up just like the stars.

…

Chase didn't get out of his capsule until 9.

He and Kaz had stayed up longer than he anticipated, the two of them conversing about constellations and stars and planets until the two of them finally gave in when their eyes started drooping shut.

It was nice, that even though he had to internally remind himself to use words that everyone could understand, Kaz seemed fixated on every word that came out of his mouth and wanted to participate.

It was the same way Sebastian used to-

He slammed his drawer shut, going into the bathroom to get dressed.

Chase knew exactly how he felt about Kaz, about the glint of pure joy in his dark brown eyes whenever he smiled, about the excitement that practically engulfed his entire body whenever it hit, whenever he would get serious with a set look of care and determination in his eyes.

There was no denying it; Chase was "crushing hard", as Bree would put it, on Kaz and it had been that way since they had worked together to make the mission suits.

But he refused to let it play out; it wasn't that he thought that Kaz would turn on him, would betray all four of them for some backwards, evil cause. That wasn't who he was.

But he also didn't think that's who Reese was, and it sure as hell wasn't who he thought Sebastian was.

It had been three months since Reese had crushed his heart in between her fingers and nearly got Douglas killed in the process, and it had been almost two years since Sebastian has told him the ugly truth, that he wasn't someone he could consider his family and never had been, before nearly killing Mr. Davenport.

Chase was not just worried about it happening a third time, he knew for a fact he wouldn't be able to bring himself back from it again with the way he was currently coping.

Clothes on and hair done, he finally descended down the stairs, unsurprised to see Bree sitting on the couch, phone in hand while Skylar and Oliver tag-teamed the dishes from breakfast.

"He lives," his sister deadpanned as she let her phone rest in her lap before turning to him, "when was the last time you slept in past, I don't know, 7?"

Chase shrugged, taking a seat beside her, unsurprised to see that she was currently texting Tasha with their younger sister more than likely being the topic of conversation, "any plans for today?"

"I've gotta call Mr. Davenport and let him know how things are going around here, but other than that, I'm gonna train with Skylar for a bit, help both of us out with our powers," she explained, her eyes once again trained on her phone screen before she turned to look at him again, her neutral expression turning to a frown, "are you okay? You look kind of dark under the eyes."

For a moment, he weighed his options of letting Bree in, of telling her that his sleep had been plagued for the last couple of months by nightmares of the past, but he ultimately decided against it; the last thing he wanted right now was for Mr. Davenport to come by and insist that he couldn't have known better, like he had two years ago when Sebastian-

"I didn't sleep great last night, felt like sirens were going off all night," he partially lied, only feeling the guilt hit when her face reverted to its neutral expression, "and I didn't have the time to borrow your concealer again."

"Buy your own, I'm two shades lighter than you," she snapped lightly, no real malice in her voice before she added, "you can talk to me about it, you know. Sibling to sibling."

"Thanks, Bree," he nodded, knowing that he more than likely would not be taking her up on that offer, only to be pulled out of his head by a plate of scrambled eggs and toast being deposited on the coffee table; he looked up to meet Kaz's eyes and felt his heart start fluttering as a result, "this is mine?"

"Yeah, you slept through breakfast, so I kept the food in the oven till you came down."

"Thank you. You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to, after last night-"

"I don't want to talk about last night," Chase said, standing up and taking the plate in his hand as he started to make his way to the hyper lift; he couldn't let Kaz know about the nightmares, not when he didn't even have the guts to tell Bree, and he really couldn't tell Kaz how he felt, not when the looming thought of Sebastian-, "thank you, again."

And with that, he clicked the button and descended below the tower, to his safe place, to where he could leave his emotions upstairs and only focus on logic.

Emotions always screwed everything up, but logic…logic kept him safe.

…

"What did you do?"

Kaz looked over at Bree as soon as her voice hit his ears, "what do you mean?"

"I mean," she paused, taking a step forward so they were face to face, "what did you do to Chase? Why's he acting weird?"

"I don't know," Kaz admitted, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke, "we were up kind of late, talking, but that's it."

Bree nodded, but Kaz could tell by the thin line her mouth had formed into that she didn't believe him; that point was only more proven by the fact that she pressed her finger into his chest.

"Do not hurt him. If you do, you will regret it for the rest of your life."

He nodded, too stunned by Bree's deadly serious, protective tone, a tone he hadn't heard since he first met her and Chase's life was placed in his hands, when the bionic teenager's life depended on him and him alone.

She seemed to be happy with the nod, because she backed away, motioned Skylar to follow and the two of them went down the hyper lift that Chase had disappeared into just a few minutes prior, giving Oliver the chance to step into his space.

At first, he just fidgeted with his hands for a few moments, before he turned with a puff of air escaping his lips, "so, that crush on Chase is back?"

"I don't think it ever left."

"So it's worse now?"

Kaz sighed, looking at the now closed hyper lift before looking back at Oliver, "so much worse."

…

"I thought we were your family-"

"No. Families fight together for what's right. At least, that's what my father believed before you took him out."

Chase's eyes shot open in an instant; his heart pounded painfully in his chest, sweat felt like it was dripping from his scalp and he had the distinct taste of acid deep in his throat.

He pressed his palms to the cool polymer of his capsule, sucking in deep breaths like a lifeline as he forced himself to focus, to turn his brain on so the constant reliving of past memories would dissipate.

'You're in Centium City. You're safe. He can't get to you here, he's in prison. You're okay.'

He opened his capsule, not even glancing at the time before making his way down the stairs and out to the balcony; it was now nearing December, the air more crisp and cold then it had been back in Mission Creek and on the island, but it didn't matter to Chase.

He needed the cold; cold took away the pain, cold made him forget about the acidic taste in his mouth, cold distanced him from the rush of heat hitting him in the chest when Sebastian had attacked him.

Cold was safe, even if it made his arms prickle with goosebumps and his lips crack and briefly felt like the depths of Antarctica with cytanium weighing heavy in his pocket.

'At least Douglas eventually came around.'

He sat in one of the white chairs, letting his head rest against the back of it even though he could feel the light dusting of frost seep into his pajamas, and just let his lungs pull in the sharp wind.

"Chase?"

He nearly jumped out of the chair; it had been so long since someone could actually sneak up on him thanks to his enhanced hearing, and given the time, no one else should have been awake.

His shoulders only relaxed when he realized who the voice belonged to and what was in his arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Heard your capsule, and it's like, crazy cold out here," Kaz shrugged before pushing the hoodie into Chase's arms, "I figured cold helps you think, given that you keep coming out here, but it can also make it easier for you to catch respiratory viruses so you should wear that."

Chase slipped the hoodie on, a soft navy that smelled like laundry soap but also had that smallest note of campfire that always followed Kaz.

"When do you want this back?"

"Don't worry about it," Kaz insisted, sitting on the chair opposite of Chase, "just give it back when you're done."

Chase nodded, pushing his hands into the sleeves of the hoodies and letting the fabric warm his fingers.

"So, is it nightmares?" Chase raised an eyebrow, hoping that Kaz wasn't catching on, that he didn't know how messed up he truly was, how many times he had trusted too early- "why you wake up at weird hours and come out here?"

And that, that was right on the money; he briefly considered making up some story about how genius never sleeps, but he pushed away that thought as quickly as it came.

"How'd you know?"

"My sister K used to have them," Kaz shrugged before adding, "although I'm pretty sure yours aren't from a fear of the dark, with the whole "being raised in a basement" thing."

"For your information, the lab was well-lit."

"Got it," Kaz said, briefly raising his hands in surrender before letting them drop into his lap, picking at a loose thread on his black sweatpants, "is it about Reese?"

The lump in his throat grew at that comment; it wasn't that the thoughts of her weren't keeping him awake, but it also wasn't the whole truth…but he could just tell him what he wanted him to hear if it meant that he'd stop prying until he finally told him about Sebastian-

"Yeah."

The last thing he expected was for Kaz to stand up and wrap his arms around him, the warmth from his powers instantly taking away the feeling of bitter cold around him.

But this warmth…this warmth didn't hurt.

…

When Kaz woke up the next morning, he had almost been expecting to see his hoodie folded neatly on his dresser with a post-it note on top that read 'here's your hoodie back' in handwriting that was just as neat as the folds.

Seeing the reality didn't sting any less though, that Chase was pushing him away the same way he had the morning before, like he was actively trying to break his heart before he even had the chance to confess his feelings.

It couldn't all be Reese, Kaz knew that; that whole situation didn't help Chase with anything, but he also knew that knowing a girl for less than two days and getting stabbed in the back didn't explain how standoffish Chase had been since he and Bree first arrived at the penthouse.

For all he knew, he was like this when they first met, but he also spent the majority of time unconscious or with his intelligence, so that wasn't exactly the best first impression of someone's personality.

But that left Kaz with only one solution that wasn't particularly appealing after the vague threat she had thrown in his face the day before.

Talk to Bree.

He found her on the same chair that Chase had been sitting in hours before, but she was properly bundled up as she flipped through one of the books that neatly lined her bookshelf in hers and Skylar's room.

"Hey, Bree? Can we talk?"

Bree looked up, slid a bookmark into her book and shut it, giving Kaz her full attention, "what's going on?"

"It's…there's really no easy way to say this," Kaz paused, trying to find his words, "it's about Chase."

"Did you tell him?"

That…was not the response he was expecting, to the point where he found himself raising an eyebrow only for his heart to drop when she elaborated.

"That you're in love with him."

"Did Oliver tell you?"

"What? No, you're just really obvious," Bree tried to assure him despite saying that did nothing to help him feel better until she added, "but Chase is super oblivious, so you're good."

Kaz sank down to the other chair, pressing his face into his hands as he spoke, "does anyone else know?"

"I don't think so," Bree said, instantly calming down his heart-rate and convincing him to pull his hands away from his face, "but if you didn't tell him…what do you need to talk to me about?"

"Do you know…why Chase is so closed off, from…well, from me?"

"I thought you two were close."

"We are, but…any time I try to show him that I care about him, or do anything overly nice for him, it's like he shuts me out. Like he's pushing me away."

Bree's sharp inhale as she sat up straighter, her face forming into a frown with a strange sadness clear in her eyes, that proved to Kaz that she knew exactly what was pulling her brother away from him and that it wasn't Reese.

"You know why, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Bree said, looking down at the concrete for a moment before looking back up at Kaz, "but Chase probably doesn't want you to know."

"Bree-"

"Sorry, Kaz," Bree stood up, hands on her thighs before approaching him and putting a hand on his shoulder, "but if Chase wants you to know, he'll tell you. But I'm the last person willing to betray his trust."

And with that, she walked inside, leaving Kaz outside with the sharp, stinging wind and the thought of 'that's what I'm trying to prevent.'

…

There was a fast set of footsteps behind him when he pushed open the balcony door, his chest heaving and his stomach churning as he found himself leaning on the railing, face turned downward to the street.

'W-wait. I'll do it, but you can't tell anyone.'

'I promise. Thanks, Chase. We really are best friends.'

"Okay, easy, easy," he could feel hands gripping onto his arms, pulling his vision away from the street, "not very "hero-ey" of us to puke on bystanders."

A gentle, soft hand intertwining his fingers with Chase's, Sebastian's hopeful brown eyes shining with wonder and the ever-present urge to learn more.

Chase managed to stifle a gag, pulling in short, quick breaths while he was forced to sit on the lawn furniture and had his head pushed between his knees.

His first kiss caught him off guard; his head on Sebastian's shoulder, the two of them sitting outside, constellations shining all around them as he pointed out the bears in the sky, turning to ask Sebastian a question and being met with soft, cautious lips all but colliding into his.

"Hey, buddy…" he could finally distinguish the voice as Kaz's instead of the one that sounded underwater, "still panicking?"

Pinned down on the floor of the academy, his laser bo the only thing from being impaled with a red, glowing pitchfork as his first boyfriend, if he ever truly loved him in the first place, looked down at him with nothing but pure hatred in his eyes.

"N-no, I'm fine," Chase sucked in a deep breath before finally lifting his head to look into Kaz's eyes, full of concern and care and worry, "thank you."

"You're welcome," his smile was fast, and fake, but it showed off his teeth in a way that helped his heart beat continue to slow even when he asked, "will it help to talk about it?"

And part of him so desperately wanted to tell Kaz everything, the details he hadn't even told Bree when she had caught on that Sebastian was more than a friend but the rational part of him knew better than to tell the guy who made everything a little lighter and had his knees weak whenever he smiled at him about his ex-boyfriend.

And who's to say that if he told Kaz about Sebastian, that he wouldn't turn on him in the same way?

"I don't think so."

Chase didn't know why he expected Kaz to leave, but it still surprised him when Kaz just sat down next to him on the chair, their knees touching as he pulled his phone out of his pajama pocket before asking, "do you want a distraction, then?"

"Yeah," he agreed, twisting slightly so he could see Kaz's screen better, "what are we watching?"

…

"I think you're the first person who actually sees me."

That vulnerable, genuine statement from Chase in the dead of night while starting to fall asleep against Kaz's shoulder only weighed heavy on his chest now as he sat on the couch next to Bree.

The mission had sounded simple enough, they just had to retrieve some stolen tech of Mr. Davenport's, to the point where Kaz had even suggested that they let a still sleeping Chase stay back.

But Bree just said "remember when he got stuck in Mission Command?" and that was that.

But it was easy, it was safe, and he stayed close to Chase on the off chance something happened due to sleep deprivation.

The last thing Kaz expect was for the ceiling to collapse; if he had been prepared…he might have been able to push Chase out of the way.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a shuddering breath, looking away from the rug to see Bree, still in her mission suit and clearly trying to distract herself with her phone but a few stray tears still managed to fall down her face, even when she wiped them with her gloved hands.

"Bree, hey, hey," Kaz said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her into a hug, feeling her shake against his side, "I've got you."

Their arrival back, tech in hand, was overshadowed by Chase leaning heavily on Skylar as they came inside, his left arm over her shoulder, his right across his lower ribs and every inch of his face coated in dust from the concrete.

Every wheezing breath nearly made Kaz feel sick.

"We need to get Chase patched up," Oliver finally spoke, firmly in Mighty Med mode as he clicked the button to open the hyper lift, "Bree, it's probably best if you stay up here."

Kaz flinched with surprise when Bree grabbed his upper arm and announced, "Kaz is staying up here too."

Skylar nodded, but after catching what looked like a weak nod of reassurance from Chase and the three of them descended below, he turned to Bree.

"It's gonna be hard for you too, to see him like that."

Kaz wasn't sure how long it was, sitting there with an arm around Bree and trying his hardest not to break down in the same way; Bree knowing was one thing, but he wasn't exactly ready to tell Donald Davenport, "hey, you know your son who just got betrayed by his girlfriend three months ago and nearly got your brother killed in the crossfire? I'm in love with him."

He just knew that wasn't going to go over well with their very dramatic father right now, especially while Chase was injured.

So he found himself using all of his willpower to keep it in while simultaneously coaxing Bree through her tears in a low, hushed whisper.

But as soon as he heard the familiar 'whoosh' of the hyper lift ascending, he and Bree all but jumped off the couch, letting go of each other in an instant to meet Donald's eyes.

"How is he?"

"Chase is going to be fine," Kaz's chest finally stopped feeling so crushed at that, like he had been the one under the concrete, "he's got a couple of cracked ribs and one of the bones in his wrist has a hairline fracture but…he got really lucky. He's going to be benched for awhile, to fully recover, but he'll be okay."

"Can we see him?"

"Go ahead," Donald nodded, but stopped Kaz by holding out a hand in front of him, "Kaz?"

'Oh god, he knows and he's kicking me off the team.'

"Yes, Mr. Davenport?"

"Thank you, for looking out for Chase."

There was something in his voice that made it clear to Kaz that it was a general thank you, not about anything in particular, but he found himself responding with a nod before adding;

"Chase is one of my best friends. I'd do anything for him."

Donald let his hand drop, letting him move into the hyper lift without another word; and he wanted to figure out why Donald was only saying this to him and only now, but he had bigger fish to fry.

He needed to see Chase.

…

"Alright, I've got ibuprofen, ice packs," Kaz paused, depositing the various supplies on the top of his dresser before reaching in to pull out pajamas, "everything we could need for your ribs and your wrist."

Chase nodded, pulling in a deep breath with a wince; on one hand, he didn't want to develop pneumonia but on the other hand, his chest was aching with the lack of adrenaline and whatever Oliver had given him in Mission Command having long worn off.

"You got dish cloths too? To wrap the packs in?"

Kaz paused, looking up at the ceiling like he always did when he tried to remember instructions, before looking back at Chase and clasping his hands together as he backed out of the room, "be right back."

Chase bit back the sting with the chuckle that emerged out of him, adjusting slightly on the extra pillows that were on the left side of Kaz's bed to prop himself up better.

It was really nice for Kaz to offer to let him sleep in his bed, his ribs too sore to sleep in his capsule, but it did nothing to help the fluttering of his heart and the red he found creeping into his cheeks more often than not.

"Okay, got them," Kaz announced as he came into the room, wrapping the packs in the cloth before approaching the bed, "I just got these out of the freezer so this is gonna be, like, crazy cold."

Chase still flinched, a movement he instantly regretted as it jostled both his ribs and his braced wrist, against the instant cold resting against his chest.

"I did warn you."

"Yeah," Chase managed, his voice coming out strained as he caught his breath, "I caught that."

The next one didn't catch him off guard, giving him the chance to study Kaz as he worked; his face was pinched into a determined frown, unnervingly serious but in a way where Chase knew that he was safe from anything and everything.

Despite how serious he looked, he was so gentle with his touch, slowly and carefully putting the ice right where the worst of the pain was and looking up right into Chase's eyes, like he was willing to not only stop but to give him as long as he needed if necessary.

It did nothing to stop the flush from going right into Chase's face.

"Alright," Kaz announced after pressing the ibuprofen into Chase's hand before he stepped away to type something into his phone, "I'll take them off in about twenty minutes, but you can go ahead and go to sleep if you want."

"Are you sure about this?" Chase asked, stopping to swallow the pills and set the glass back onto the nightstand while Kaz climbed into the right side of the bed, resting his face in his hand, "me sleeping in your bed?"

"Yeah, of course," Kaz insisted, getting this puzzling look on his face for a brief moment before adding, "but if you don't want me sleeping here, I can go sleep on the couch-"

"No!" Chase found himself shouting, only to cover his mouth when he realized how stupid that was and corrected himself, "I mean, it's not fair to you, for me to kick you out of your bed that you're letting me sleep in, and even if I didn't want you here-"

"Chase," Kaz cut him off gently, pressing a single finger to his lips instead of his whole palm like his siblings tended to do when he started to ramble, "I don't care about fairness when it comes to stuff like this, okay? I just want you to be comfortable."

And that, that fully did Chase in; he couldn't have thought of himself in this position a few months ago, let alone when he first met Kaz despite the pure chaos the two of them had found themselves in and him being unconscious for a good chunk of their first meeting.

But being here now, in Kaz's bed, with the warmth of his body keeping him from shivering against the ice that was condinsating onto his shirt, and his kind brown eyes paired with his lazy smile, Chase hadn't felt so safe and secure and in love in a very long time, if he had ever truly felt that before.

"What are you thinking about?" Kaz's voice broke the silence, giving Chase his window as he turned onto his right side and maneuvered his wrist so he wasn't laying on it.

His chance to be honest, his chance to confess the feelings that had been building up for months, his chance to finally let someone else in.

"You," Chase started speaking before his brain could stop him, before anything could begin to cloud his emotions and convince him that he was making another mistake, "how much you really care about people, about me…and how much I really want to kiss you."

"You do?" Kaz's whisper, when it came after a few beats of silence, was full of vulnerability tinged with a soft hope, giving Chase the courage to nod before leaning closer until their lips met.

When he got to this point previously, his stomach was a bundle of nerves and his thoughts were a mile a minute as his brain tried to do calculations that didn't come out to anything that made mathematical sense.

But now, with one of Kaz's hands in his hair and the other resting on his hip, Chase's brain was quiet; all he could feel was the secure, warm, safe feeling that he had always felt around Kaz but now it was tenfold.

And when the two of them finally pulled away, Chase found himself speaking in a way that was not only so unlike him, but simultaneously helped him understand how Bree always go so flustered around boys she liked.

"Stop being so pretty, it hurts."

"Pretty sure that's just your wrist," Kaz said softly, a hand still in his hair, "was that…was that your first kiss?"

"No."

"But I thought Reese-"

"It wasn't Reese," Chase cut him off, anxiety starting to flood back into him, starting to ruin everything as he turned away, "I don't-"

"Hey, I'm sorry," Kaz insisted, moving his hand from Chase's hair to rest it on his shoulder, "I didn't realize, that's on me. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Kaz. Really." Chase sighed, but the guilty look on Kaz's face didn't so much as shift despite his assurance.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure, here," Chase winced, turning back to look into Kaz's eyes, "let's start over, okay?"

"From your cheesy pickup line?" Kaz grinned softly before pressing a soft kiss to Chase's lips, nothing more than a peck, "because I was hoping to start over with the kissing instead."

Chase huffed, rolling his eyes playfully before reaching his left arm out to rest on Kaz's lower torso before saying, "just come here, fire boy."

…

Kaz descended the stairs, trying his hardest not to assume the worst, that last night was now something Chase considered a mistake, that Chase wasn't mad at him somewhere.

Kaz was sleeping when Chase woke him up; still gasping for air, his left arm wrapped around his ribs, tears in his eyes and the look that said a thousand words, clearly just being variations of "is this real?"

"Hey, hey, come here," Kaz whispered, pulling Chase into a hug while tears instantly started making his shirt damp, "Whatever you saw in there isn't real. I'm real, okay? I'm here.”

"But it was," Chase managed among the tears, his face still firmly buried against Kaz's shirt, "it was real."

And now, seven hours later, he had woken up to the left side of the bed not only being empty, but being cold and the knowledge that the comfort he had tried so hard to offer in the middle of the night still wasn't enough.

"Hey, have either of you seen Chase?" Kaz asked, approaching the island where Oliver and Skylar were sitting, both of their phones out as they ate breakfast.

"I think he's outside," Oliver said his voice muffled from food while pointing at the balcony doors, adding only after swallowing, "he said he needed to get some air and had his laptop with him."

That only brought Kaz a small amount of relief, that Chase wasn't pushing himself to go all the way to Mission Command to avoid him.

"Are you okay?" Skylar asked, pulling him away from his thoughts, "you seem kind of…well, just sad."

"Yeah, I'm okay, I'm just…" Kaz paused, sitting down on the third bar stool before continuing, looking right at both of them, "Chase and I kissed last night but…he's been acting off, for awhile and I…I think I might have caused stuff to resurface about his ex."

"Is Reese really an ex? He knew her for like, five hours-"

"His ex before Reese," Kaz cut Oliver off, looking down at the loose thread of his sweatpants, "I don't know much, but I know that they really messed up Chase and how he trusts people and I think between Reese, and everything with me…it drug it back up."

"You should talk to him about it," Skylar said, but before Kaz could shake his head or bring up the several nights of nightmares and talking on the balcony, she continued, "it won't be an easy conversation, for either of you, but things didn't get better between us," she gestured to herself and Oliver, "until I explained everything with Experion."

"She's right, Kaz," Oliver nodded, "relationships are, at the end of the day, about communication, good communication, and I don't want to see either of you get hurt because of a lack of it."

"Not to mention that the balcony is one of the most private places in the whole penthouse, so you two can have that conversation without anyone eavesdropping."

"Yeah, you guys are right," Kaz nodded as he stood and walked over to the fridge, pulling out two water bottles, "thank you, seriously."

"Of course," Skylar nodded before saying, "oh, and Kaz?"

"Yeah?"

"I hope it works out."

Kaz couldn't help but smile for a brief moment, that no matter how this conversation went, Oliver and Skylar had his back, "me too."

And with that, he walked into the crisp, cold air of the balcony, with his heart pounding in his chest; in some ways, this felt like that first night that he followed Chase but in other ways, this was ten times more terrifying.

That first time didn't hold the weight of losing what he had just gained.

…

"What're you working on?"

Chase flinched with the sudden noise, closing his laptop to look up at the owner of the voice, only to feel the guilt hit him like a truck when he saw it was Kaz offering a water bottle and the bottle of ibuprofen to him.

'I slept in Kaz's bed, I told Kaz he was pretty, I kissed Kaz, I cried in Kaz's arms about Sebastian.'

"Nothing important," Chase sighed, taking a sip of water to wash down the pills, his arm aching as he tried to put his laptop on the small table, letting Kaz take it from his hands, "just…thinking."

"You think a lot."

"Yeah, that's kind of my shtick." He was delaying the inevitable, he knew that, but if he could just make things okay for a few more moments, to muster up the same level of courage he had last night when he admitted that he wanted to kiss Kaz-

"I think I know what you're doing. Why you keep shutting me out," He cut off his thoughts and making his stomach drop as a result, "I think you're doing it to see if I'll stay, because of your ex who broke your trust? The same ex who causes you to have nightmares?"

He knows he knows he knows-

"…y-you're smarter than the others give you credit for," Chase said, his voice wavering and his chest seizing, "more than I've given you credit for."

"Don't worry, I won't steal your shtick," Kaz insisted, sitting down on the chair and letting his hand rest on Chase's leg, "you can be the smart one in the relationship, if you still want me."

"Of course I still want you," Chase said, sitting up straighter to prove his point with his ribs screaming in protest, "I just…it's hard for me, to feel safe with anyone else. After Reese and…and Sebastian," he pulled in a deep breath, helped only by the reassuring squeeze of Kaz's hand, "it's hard for me to trust people, like every time I open up, it bites me in the ass."

Chase heard Kaz pull in a sharp inhale, looking out the ground with some sort of guilt clear on his down-turned face.

"And you…ever since I first met you, I've always felt that I could trust you because at the very least, you're sworn to do no harm. But you do more than that," Chase stopped to lift Kaz's hand into his, bringing his face upwards and leaving him face to face with the gentle, kind eyes he had grown to love, "you make me feel safe, Kaz…and that's terrifying."

"Sebastian?…" Chase could feel his heart in his stomach, beating with the rythem of 'not you, not you, not you', that maybe it was a misunderstanding, that the person he had fallen so hard for wasn't serious about trying to kill Mr. Davenport, "what are you doing?"

"Is it not clear?" He questioned with his arms open, like he was so obvious and as a result, Chase's bionics were not all they were cracked up to be, "I'm turning on you."

"I should have told you sooner, that I was struggling with all of…" he paused, gesturing to his head, "this. I just didn't want you to feel bogged down because I'm such a mess."

"Chase, you're not a mess," Kaz insisted, gently squeezing his hand again, "you're so smart, and so genuine, and you love people so, so openly. It's not your fault that people took advantage of who you are," he paused, pressing a quick peck to his cheek, "I just want to be lucky enough to be one of the people you love."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. Besides, I'm more of a "long hauler" than you think, so," Kaz paused, standing before offering his hand out to support Chase, "if you'll have me, you're not going to be able to get rid of me."

And for the first time in a long time, Chase didn't let his bionics weigh in on his decision, he didn't even let his past play a factor; he grasped Kaz's hand, pulled himself to his feet and pressed a longer kiss to Kaz's lips before saying, "I'm more than okay with that."

#lab rats #lab rats: elite force #my fic #susz writes #fic #whump #angst #my writing #chase davenport #kaz mighty med #chaz #post elite force

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