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dreamescapeswriting · 18 days

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Stray Kids Reaction || You're Not Financially Stable [Mafia Edition]

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - April 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

CHAN:

Chan was starting to get increasingly worried about you. You had been evading him for weeks, your once warm embraces replaced by cold distance. Suspicion clawed at his mind, whispering tales of betrayal and deceit. Unable to ignore the gnawing doubt any longer, Chan set out to confront you at your apartment. As he approached your door, his heart hammered against his chest, each step a testament to the turmoil within him.

Knocking gently, Chan waited with bated breath, the tension thick in the air. When no answer came, he pushed open the door, his eyes scanning the barren room.

"Yn?" he called out, his voice echoing against the empty walls.

Silence greeted him, the absence of her presence a heavy weight upon his shoulders. But then, amidst the desolation, a glimmer of hope flickered—a letter lying on the table, its edges crumpled with despair.

With trembling hands, he unfolded the paper, his eyes devouring the words scrawled upon it—a tale of eviction, of loss, and of a new beginning. You had been forced from your home, cast aside like a forgotten memory.

Determined to find you, Chan retraced your steps, each corner of the city a labyrinth of possibilities. It wasn't long before he stumbled upon a quaint café, its windows aglow with warmth and laughter. Above it lay a modest apartment, a sanctuary hidden from the chaos below.

Heart pounding, Chan ascended the stairs, anticipation mingling with trepidation. When he reached the door, he paused, uncertainty clouding his thoughts. But then, with a resolve born of love, he knocked.

The door swung open, revealing your tear-streaked face, your eyes widening in disbelief at the sight of him.

"Channie?" you whispered, your voice barely audible above the din of the city. You never thought you'd see him again after everything.

"Yn," he breathed, relief flooding through him at the sight of you, knowing you were well...at least alive, you looked as though you'd barely slept and had been crying a lot. Tears welled in your eyes as you beheld the man who had once held your heart, his presence a lifeline in the storm.

"I thought I'd lost you," You confessed, your voice trembling with emotion. After being kicked out, your phone was off service and you'd lost your charger so you couldn't even get his number. Everyone you turned to for help ignored you or pushed you away. Chan stepped forward, enveloping you in his embrace, his touch a promise of safety amidst the chaos.

"You'll never lose me," he vowed his words a beacon of hope in the darkness.

"I'm here, Yn. And I'm not going anywhere." He promised, kissing your cheeks and keeping you pressed close to him. He wasn't certain what the future held for you both but he was sure he wasn't going to lose you again.

MINHO:

Lee Minho, a prominent figure in the underground world of organized crime, strode into the opulent ballroom of the Grand Palazzo, his arm intertwined with that of his stunning girlfriend, you. The two of you were a striking pair; Minho, with his sharp suit and commanding presence, and you, elegant in your signature red dress, exuding grace and beauty.

The occasion was a black-tie charity event, a masquerade of the city's elite, where appearances were everything. Minho relished the opportunity to flaunt his status, but tonight, his focus was solely on you.

As you mingled through the crowd, a snide remark caught Minho's attention. A well-dressed socialite whispered to her companion, casting a disdainful glance at you,

"Isn't that the same dress she always wears? How embarrassing. Clearly, she can't afford anything better." It was a comment you'd grown used to hearing by now, it wasn't as though you could afford extravagant gowns every time Minho wanted you to join him at a party. Minho's jaw clenched in anger, his protective instincts kicking in. He resisted the urge to confront the woman, knowing it would only draw unwanted attention. Instead, he steered you away, his mind swirling with thoughts.

Later in the evening, amidst the swirl of music and laughter, Miinho overheard snippets of a conversation nearby.

"Did you hear about Yn? Word has it she's struggling to make ends meet. Works multiple jobs just to pay the bills."

"I heard Izzie say she saw her working in a diner just outside of the city," Another voice said before laughter ensued. Minho's heart sank. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. You had never mentioned anything about financial difficulties, and he had never thought to pry into your personal affairs. But now, faced with these rumours, he couldn't ignore them.

He guided you to a quiet corner of the room, his expression troubled. "Yn, is it true? Are you having trouble with money?" Your cheeks heated with embarrassment, and you looked down, unable to meet his gaze.

"Minho, I... I didn't want you to worry. It's nothing, really." It wasn't as though you were in tons of trouble, you just struggled to make ends meet sometimes and some weeks you'd have to survive on just noddles. Minho gently lifted your chin, his eyes searching yours for the truth.

"Don't shut me out, baby. I need to know. If you're struggling, we'll face it together." Tears welled in your eyes as you finally confessed,

"I've been working extra shifts at the diner, tutoring on the weekends, just to keep up with the bills. I didn't want you to think any less of me." his heart ached at your words. He had always admired your independence and strength, but now he saw the toll it was taking on you. Without hesitation, he pulled you into his embrace, holding you close.

"You don't have to do this alone, baby. I'm here for you, always. We're a team," he whispered softly, promising to support you in any way he could.

CHANGBIN:

Changbin strode purposefully up the steps to your apartment, anticipation building as he looked forward to spending time with you, the two of you had hardly spent any time together as of late since he got busy with work. However, his eagerness turned to concern as he noticed the unmistakable shape of an eviction notice pinned to your front door.

His heart sank as he read the terse words printed on the paper, realizing the gravity of the situation. Without hesitation, he knocked on the door, his mind racing with worry for you.

When you opened the door, your eyes widened in surprise and a flicker of embarrassment flashed across your face at the sight of him standing there with the notice in hand. You'd meant to take it down when you got home from work but you'd completely forgotten when you were cleaning the apartment.

Before you could say anything, he spoke gently but firmly, "What's going on, baby?" Your shoulders slumped in defeat as you met his gaze, your voice barely above a whisper.

"I've been struggling," you confessed, your words heavy with shame and yet admitting it felt as though a weight had been taken off your shoulders. "I couldn't keep up with the rent, and now they're evicting me." Changbin's heart ached at the sight of your distress, his protective instincts kicking into high gear. Without hesitation, he stepped forward, enveloping you in a reassuring embrace.

"You should have told me," he murmured, his voice filled with tenderness. "We'll figure this out together."

Determined to help you through this difficult time, he wasted no time in springing into action. Whether it was arranging for temporary housing, offering financial assistance, or simply providing emotional support, he was determined to be there for you every step of the way. He'd been tempted to buy the apartment building out from your landlord but you'd refused to let him, promising that what he was doing was already enough

HYUNJIN:

The atmosphere in the grand hall was electric as the auctioneer's voice echoed off the walls, commanding attention. Hyunjin was dressed impeccably in a tailored suit, and surveyed the room with a practised eye, his gaze flickering over the exquisite artworks on display. It felt as though he did this a few times a week if he was lucky enough and he could never get enough of the art functions.

But amidst the flurry of bids and whispers, something caught his attention—a series of paintings that seemed strangely familiar. As he drew closer, his heart skipped a beat. They were your paintings, each stroke a testament to your talent and passion. Confusion and concern swirled in his mind as he approached the saleswoman, his tone carefully controlled.

"Excuse me," he began, "but could you tell me about the artist who donated these paintings?" He knew you'd never want to sell them and he worried someone might have stolen them from you. You'd sold a few paintings before but these were your masterpieces, the ones you couldn't even dream of selling.

The saleswoman offered him a sympathetic smile, her eyes betraying a hint of sadness.

"The woman who donated them was struggling," she explained softly. "She didn't want to sell, but she had no choice." A surge of protectiveness washed over Hyunjin as he listened to her words. He knew how much those paintings meant to you, how each brushstroke told a story of your dreams and aspirations. Without another word, he made up his mind. As the bidding continued around him, he silently placed his bids, determined to acquire every single one of your paintings.

Once the auction concluded and the paintings were in his possession, he wasted no time in arranging for them to be hidden away, safe from prying eyes and opportunistic buyers.

Weeks passed, and Hyunjin watched as you struggled with your art, unaware of the fate of your precious creations. He knew you longed to reclaim them, to see them hanging proudly in your studio once more. Hyunjin knew you'd never let him help you if he tried to give you money for rent or even if he tried to get you to let him help with anything but he was proud of you. You'd dug your way out of the financial pit you were in until you were ready again.

"I thought we were going to dinner," You giggled as Hyunjin took you into a warehouse, the two of you were going to celebrate your new job but he wanted to take you to your paintings first.

"It's a secret." He chuckled, as you entered the dimly lit room, Hyunjin could sense the tension radiating from you. You glanced around, your eyes widening in disbelief as they landed on row after row of canvases shrouded in darkness.

"What is this place?" You whispered, your voice trembling with emotion. Hyunjin stepped forward, his hand reaching out to gently grasp yours.

"This is where I've been keeping something for you," he explained softly, guiding you further into the room.

As you approached the first stack of paintings, he paused, allowing you to take in the sight before you. You gasped, your breath catching in your throat as you realized what lay hidden beneath the cloths. You'd been desperately trying to find the buyer for almost a week now, willing to trade him some of your other paintings for your old ones.

"These... these are my paintings," You whispered, your voice shakey as you turned to look at Hyunjin who was nodding, a small smile playing on the corners of his lips.

"Yes," he confirmed, his gaze never leaving yours. "Every single one of them." Tears welled up in your eyes as you moved closer, reaching out to touch the familiar textures of your artwork. It felt like a dream, surreal and yet undeniably real.

"Why?" You asked, your voice choked with emotion. "Why did you do this?" He squeezed your hand gently, his eyes filled with tenderness.

"Because I know how much these paintings mean to you," he replied softly. "And because I wanted to make sure they were safe until you were ready to reclaim them." Your heart swelled with gratitude as you looked up at him, your eyes shining with unshed tears. In that moment, you knew that you were loved more deeply than you had ever dared to imagine.

Wrapping your arms around him, you buried your face in his chest, overcome with emotion.

JISUNG:

Jisung sat patiently in the living room, his mind drifting as he waited for you to finish getting ready for your date, the two of you were going out to celebrate your anniversary tonight. Glancing around the room absentmindedly, his eyes fell upon a stack of unopened envelopes on the coffee table—bills and late notices, their contents a stark reminder of the financial struggles they faced.

His brow furrowed in concern as he picked up one of the envelopes, his heart sinking as he read the ominous words printed on the front. He had suspected that you had been under financial strain, but he had never imagined it was this severe.

Before he could dwell on his thoughts any longer, he heard the soft sound of footsteps approaching, and he looked up to see you descending the stairs. But instead of the usual smile on your face, he was met with tear-filled eyes and a quivering lip when you saw what he was holding.

Instantly, his heart clenched with worry as he rose from his seat, crossing the room to envelop you in a comforting embrace. You snuggled into him and sniffled a little.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he murmured, his voice filled with concern. You buried your face in his chest, your tears staining his shirt as you struggled to find the words to explain.

"I... I'm sorry," You choked out between sobs. "I didn't want you to see this... I've been trying to handle it on my own..." Your family taught you never to rely on others for your money and it was something you'd tried to stick by but it was getting harder and harder to hide your troubles. Jisung held you tighter, his own heart heavy with the weight of your pain. He had never wanted you to feel like you had to carry the burden alone, but he understood why you had kept it from him.

Gently guiding you to the couch, he sat beside you, wiping away your tears with a gentle touch.

"You never have to hide anything from me, my love," he assured you, his voice tender and reassuring. "We're in this together, no matter what." He whispered before kissing the top of your head, your heart was heavy as you stared at the stacks of unpaid bills just waiting for you to get another paycheck.

"It doesn't matter how much overtime I do, it's never enough." You admit to him with a sad smile, you wanted to be able to do this alone but it seemed damn near impossible.

"What can I do?" He whispered, rubbing your back softly as you stared down at the bills.

"Give me a job?"

"How about I do that and you come to live with me? We can split everything," You stared up at him, nodding with a small smile on your face, you couldn't think of anything better.

FELIX:

Felix sat in the dimly lit restaurant with his lawyers, enjoying the ambience of the evening. As plates clinked and conversations murmured around them, the mood suddenly shifted when his lawyers leaned in to offer some advice.

"Boss," one of them began cautiously, Felix thought his name was Noel but he couldn't have been sure since the two of them were twins and he could hardly tell the difference.

"We've been noticing something concerning about the women you've been seeing lately." Felix lowered his drink to the table and raised an eyebrow, intrigued but also wary of where this conversation might lead. He hadn't given them any permission to dig into you or your life, in fact, he'd given specific orders for almost all of his men to leave you alone.

"She doesn't seem... financially stable," The other lawyer added, choosing his words carefully, swallowing a lump in his throat and Felix noted he appeared to be sweating.

Felix felt a surge of disbelief and anger. These were his trusted advisors, but their intrusion into his personal affairs caught him off guard. He clenched his fists beneath the table, trying to keep his emotions in check.

"Not financially stable?" he repeated, his voice low and dangerous.

"What exactly do you mean by that?" His lawyers exchanged uncomfortable glances, sensing his displeasure.

"Well, boss," Noel ventured,

"we mean that perhaps the woman isn't the best match for someone in your position. They could be a liability, you know?" Felix's jaw tightened. He felt a mix of indignation and hurt. You were being judged solely on your financial status and he wanted nothing more than to kick the lawyers to the curb but they'd told him something you hadn't yet.

He leaned back in his chair, a steely resolve settling over him.

"I appreciate your concern," he said icily, "but I'll thank you not to meddle in my personal life. I'll handle my relationships as I see fit." His lawyers exchanged uneasy glances, realizing they may have overstepped their bounds. But the Felix wasn't finished.

"And from now on," he continued his voice like ice, "I don't want to hear another word of advice on this matter. Is that clear?" His lawyers nodded hastily, sensing the gravity of the situation.

Later that night Felix found himself sitting across from you in your small apartment, your bills stretched out on the coffee table as you showed him everything that was late or on its final notice. It wasn't exactly something you were proud of but when he'd asked you if he could see it you didn't want to hide it from him.

"So Noel and Joel told you?" You laughed dryly and rubbed the back of your neck,

"I would have loved for you to tell me." He admitted, looking at the pieces of paper before he started to organise them into piles from most urgent to not-so-urgent.

"I was-"

"I know," He whispered, rubbing your hand softly as you laid your head down on the coffee table. You'd been trying everything to get yourself out of the hole you were in but it was proving to be more difficult than you'd been intending

"I think the best option is for you to move in with me," The suggestion came out so casually you thought it might have been a joke if it wasn't for him looking at you with a serious look on his face.

"Your biggest problem is your rent, once that's out of the way you'll have more than enough money for your bills." He told you with a smile, he'd been meaning to ask you for a while but this was just giving him that final push.

"I still need to pay rent at yours," You told him and he nodded at you,

"Sure, but only once you're back on your feet, I won't take no for an answer," He smirks at you before your cheeks begin to heat up, moving in with him was the next step in your relationship, it only made sense.

"O...Okay, great. I'll call my landlord-"

"I'll call, you focus on packing," He smirks, kissing you softly as you rush to go and get some bags and suitcases ready.

SEUNGMIN:

Seungmin's heart pounded with fury as he burst into your apartment, only to be met with a scene of chaos. Two burly loan sharks loomed over you, their menacing presence casting a shadow over the room as they smashed objects in a display of intimidation.

Without hesitation, Seungmin stepped forward, his imposing figure radiating authority. The loan sharks froze in their tracks, their expressions shifting from arrogance to fear as they recognized him.

"What's going on here?" he demanded, his voice cutting through the tension like a knife. You turned to see him, relief flooding your features at the sight of him but you were still scared that he was here.

"It's... it's nothing," you stammered, your voice trembling with emotion. "They say I owe them money, but I don't know what to do."

Seungmin's jaw clenched as he surveyed the damage, his mind racing with a mix of anger and concern. He knew you had been struggling, but he had never imagined the extent of your troubles.

Turning to the loan sharks, he fixed them with a steely gaze. "Leave. Now," he commanded, his voice brooking no argument. The loan sharks hesitated for a moment, exchanging uneasy glances before hastily retreating from the apartment, their bravado crumbling in the face of the Seungmin's formidable presence.

Once they were gone, he turned his attention back to you, his expression softening with concern.

"What happened?" he asked gently, his voice tinged with regret for not realizing the extent of your struggles sooner. Tears welled up in your eyes as you recounted the story of your ex-boyfriend, how he had left you drowning in debt with no way to escape. God, you'd been too ashamed to ask for help, too afraid of burdening him with your problems.

But as you poured your heart out to him, you felt a weight lifting from your shoulders, knowing that you no longer had to face your troubles alone.

"We're going to find your ex, make him pay those assholes back and then you're moving in with me," He tells you plainly, looking around at everything those two had smashed up,

"Make a list of everything they've broken, I'll have your ex or them replace it," He said sternly, looking at you as you wrapped yourself around him and cuddled into him, just happy you weren't going to go through this alone anymore.

JEONGIN:

The atmosphere at the black-tie event was opulent, with chandeliers casting a soft glow over the elegantly dressed guests. Jeongin, resplendent in his tailored suit, mingled effortlessly among the crowd, exchanging pleasantries and nods with fellow attendees.

"Isn't that your girlfriend?" Someone asked him, his gaze wandered to where his friend had been pointed and he frowned when he spotted you. His heart skipped a beat as he realized it was you, clad in a crisp uniform as you moved gracefully among the guests.

Confusion and concern mingled in his mind as he watched you discreetly from across the room. You had told him you were too sick to join him tonight, but here you were, working tirelessly to cater to the needs of others.

"Who knew you'd be dating a waitress," Someone sniggered before Jeongin "accidentally" spilt a glass of champagne down his suit, glaring at him before going back to watching you. Anger simmered beneath the surface as he approached you, his steps purposeful yet controlled. When he reached your side, he fixed you with a steely gaze, his voice low and measured.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, his tone tinged with a mix of frustration and disbelief. Your eyes widened in surprise as you met his gaze, your whole body heating up. You hadn't known that this was the specific party he was going to be at tonight,

"I... I had to work," You stammered, Your voice barely above a whisper. Jeongin's jaw tightened, his mind racing with a whirlwind of emotions. He had trusted you and believed you when you said you were too sick to accompany him tonight. But now, faced with the truth, he couldn't help but feel betrayed.

"Is that so?" he replied, his voice cold and distant. "You couldn't even be honest with me?" You lowered your gaze, your hands fidgeting nervously at your sides, it wasn't like you wanted to hide it from him but you were working four jobs and it was hard to let people know that.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, your voice barely audible above the din of the crowd. "I didn't want to disappoint you." Jeongin's anger softened slightly as he looked at you, his heart aching with a mixture of frustration and compassion. He knew you had your reasons, your own struggles and obligations that you felt compelled to fulfil.

Taking a deep breath, he reached out to gently cup your cheek, his touch surprisingly tender despite the tension between them.

"You should have told me," he murmured, his voice softer now, laced with an undercurrent of understanding.

"How? I work four jobs and you barely work one, I-I felt like you might hate me if you found out." You admit before he takes you in his arms, wrapping them around your waist and pulling you flush against him.

"I couldn't care if you worked none or ten, you're my girlfriend and I'm here for you, no matter what," He whispered before kissing you softly.

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lookwhatyoumademedohaha · 1 year

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And that kids is, how I met your mother Chapter 2 - Labyrinth

It only feels this raw right now Lost in the labyrinth of my mind Break up, break free, break through, break down You would break your back to make me break a smile You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back Just like that

Uh oh, I'm falling in love Oh no, I'm falling in love again Oh, I'm falling in love I thought the plane was going down How'd you turn it right around

Summary: Nikolai Lantsov and you attend an extravagant and gorgeous ball. Nikolai falls for you harder head over heels but will you face the labyrinth of new feelings that begin to emerge?

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x Reader, Nikolai Lantsov x Six of Crows Reader, Kaz Brekker x Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky x Reader (Platonic), Nina Zenik x Reader (Platonic), Genya Safin x Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: Pure tooth rotting fluff, angst and comfort, lots of humor, awesome friendships, unrequited love that might be requited, denial, pining, jealousy and slight violence.

A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first Nikolai Lantsov fic so I was very surprised and grateful for the love, support and kindness you all showered upon me! Thank you very much! Here is the Part 2 to this work and I hope you all like it. I don’t think it ends here, there’s a bit more to go but I’m excited! Let me know your thoughts and comments on my work because it means a lot to me! I love you all! Happy reading!

Chapter 1 - Until I Found Her

Chapter 3 - Call it what you want

Chapter 4 - Someone to Stay

Chapter 5 - Cornelia Street

You looked at yourself in the gilded mirrors in the hallway of the palace, hearing the melodious notes of the orchestral grand music and the lively chatter of nobles behind the door you were about to enter. You looked at yourself inspecting Genya’s, Zoya’s and Nina’s work on you. You looked ethereal and dreamy, a princess out of a fairytale and yet the girls had not diminished the fierceness of spirit and your heart that kept on fighting for the ones you loved. You fidgeted with your beautiful dress grumbling but secretly feeling thrilled and happy to be wearing such a spectacular and dazzling dress that made you feel on top of the world.

A snarky voice behind her said “Stop fidgeting with your dress!”

You nearly punched this person reflexively but Zoya was quick to catch your punch and gently lower your arm as she stood behind you with Genya and Nina who were the sparkling epitome of beauty. You were certain that Zoya, Genya and Nina were going to be the belles of the ball, the envy of every single princess in the party and admired by every single nobleman.

They entered the ballroom as you felt apprehensive and nervous because - because what? You had been to many high society galas and balls as an undercover spy on missions for Kaz during your stay in Ketterdam. But this ball was different. This was a party where you had no purpose of enticing intel or being the distraction. The only purpose of this ball for you was to have fun and enjoy yourself which was a foreign concept to you.

And also Nikolai, the King of Ravka, your friend would be here.

Genya noticed your nervousness straightaway as she placed her arm around you comfortingly “You look magnificent, Y/N! Don’t be nervous, we’ll be keeping you company!”

“It’s true, you do look divine. Y/N, look at you all grown up and beautiful and going off to sweep the King of Ravka off his feet!” teased Nina playfully with a grin as Zoya tried to hide an amused smile but failed miserably as a wide smile curved on her face.

You glared at the three girls who burst into laughter who seem to have fun teasing you about Nikolai’s infatuation with you as you rolled your eyes and Zoya joined in the fun “Nikolai likes you very much. He won’t know what hit him when he sees you, Y/N. He’s already like a lost puppy who follows you around.”

Genya eyed Zoya who slightly nodded with a smirk as Genya replied hopefully “Well, perhaps tonight you could get to know him a little better. You might even find yourself secretly interested him.”

You had to control yourself from strangling Genya in the middle of the ballroom because you and Nikolai were never going to happen as you replied sarcastically “I cannot think of any cleverer way to say this but... no!”

The girls laughed and Genya winked subtly at Zoya who added her fuel to the fire as she said “Well, Nikolai won’t have time for you. He’ll be too busy with important business.”

You generally wouldn’t have inquired but something in the way Zoya pronounced and implied that Nikolai would be busy with important business aroused your curiosity as you inquired “What do you mean?”

“He is the King of Ravka and he needs to find himself a suitable queen to secure Ravka. Tonight’s ball is about finding the perfect queen for Ravka among all the eligible girls here.” replied Zoya steely and firmly as she looked at Nikolai who was busy talking to ambassadors and then glanced at you who wore a thoughtful and quiet expression. “I suppose this is happy news to you. After all, he won’t be bothering you for long.”

It certainly was not a ball to find an eligible queen for Nikolai. Zoya and Genya had a bet with Nina about whether or not you would get together with Nikolai and Genya and Zoya who liked you and knew no one could resist Nikolai for long had bet that you would have feelings for Nikolai before you leave Ravka and get together later on. Zoya and Genya who didn’t want to lose the bet had found an excuse to host a ball on some Saint’s festival and both of them organized this ball of romance and beauty like a military campaign. Zoya and Genya had their fingers crossed as they observed you and Nikolai. If they were lucky, they would win the bet and tonight would be the night you would perhaps feel something more for Nikolai.

You felt a strange sense of odd hurt and slight pain sting you at the thought of Nikolai marrying another girl. You felt quiet bitterness and an aching hollow numb feeling ringing through you as you thought of the charming golden boy who was too good for this world, who smiled too brightly hiding his vulnerabilities and insecurities giving everything for a thankless country marrying a beautiful princess. You knew that you didn’t like him, you loved Kaz. You knew Nikolai had to do his duty and marry a princess for Ravka. But as you sipped your champagne, you didn’t feel easy at the thought of it and you felt horrible for feeling this way because you didn’t love Nikolai in a romantic way.

Then why did you want to set something on fire?

At that very moment, a Lord who you didn’t know interrupted your thoughts as he asked you to dance and you looked at Zoya and Genya who had vanished and Nina who was at the table munching on cakes with a laugh at your torture. You glared at those traitors wherever they were and you refused to dance with him.

You made your way to the food table where Nina was indulging in the cakes as you glared at her “Traitor! I was in danger and you left me!”

“Lord Kirigan just asked you to dance.” said Zoya appearing out of nowhere with a grin. “It’s no big deal. It’s not torture in a locked dungeon.”

You punched her in the arm as she smirked and you smirked back “Well, I refused and suggested that he should ask you. And, he seemed to agree greatly to that idea.”

You smirked in amusement as Zoya grew slightly pale as she saw Kirigan approach her with an enthusiastic wide lovestruck smile and you grinned at Zoya with a teasing twinkle in your eyes “It’s no big deal, Zoya. It’s not torture in a locked dungeon.”

“Saints! If he asks, I have left the country with no plans of coming back!” exclaimed Zoya who glared at you fiercely as she disappeared quickly through the crowd avoiding Kirigan’s advances while Nina and you laughed in amusement.

Both of you stopped laughing when Kirigan inquired after Zoya and Nina decided to have mercy on Zoya as she drawled sweetly “Zoya died eighteen years ago. I haven’t seen her since the funeral.”

After getting rid of Kirigan, you and Nina enjoyed the champagne and the delightful food while gossiping in amusement and mingling with the crowd. It was different from your missions where you always had to be alert and ready for trouble beneath your charming demeanor. You began to enjoy the party as you were introduced to new people who you liked and chatted charmingly

But you felt Nikolai’s gaze burning into you the moment you had entered. From the moment you had entered to every step you took, you could feel his intense and heated gaze following you with such burning desire that you refused to meet his eyes for the fear of drowning in them. It was such a beautiful and foreign sensation, to have someone so conscious of every little thing you did and adore and worship it. You knew that it couldn’t be possible. After all tonight was about finding the perfect queen for Nikolai and you weren’t simply interested in him and unsuitable for such a position. You were glad for Nikolai but something didn’t feel right within you.

But your thoughts were still of Kaz Brekker even though Nina had bought you here to forget him. The distance between both of you only made it worse for you as you thought of whether Kaz missed you as much as you missed him and wondered whether he thought of you like you thought of him whenever you saw everything that called out his name to you. This heartbreak felt eternal as it killed you over and over again and sometimes you found yourself looking over to tell Kaz something enthusiastically but realized that he was no longer there, no longer part of your life.

It felt cruel to suffer like this. Only love could hurt like this. And you never wanted to feel like this again. You wanted this distance to knock some sense into Kaz and make him realize that you were the one he loved. But it had been weeks and there was no word from him. No letters from him. You hadn’t expected Kaz to turn up at Ravka and make a grand romantic gesture but you would be lying if you hadn’t expected at least a letter inquiring about you. You felt burning pain and hurt as tears sprung into your eyes at the thought of the Bastard of Barrel who still managed to haunt you and ruin your happiness even in his absence.

You were chatting with your new friend Princess Ameera who was kind and nice as you both chewed on the sweet cupcakes when suddenly you were interrupted by a gentleman you asked you “Miss Y/L/N, will you do me the honor of dancing with me?”

You looked around for Ameera who had conveniently ducked behind a potted plant and you looked at the gentleman who certainly did not match up to Nikolai’s aristocratic charm and handsomeness.

And hell, why in the name of Saints were you suddenly thinking of him?

“No.” you replied bluntly and you were certain the potted plant laughed out loud.

The gentleman looked offended as he turned red and marched away. You were glad because now maybe your horrible behavior toward the gentleman would spread and you wouldn’t be asked to dance by men who didn’t know how to dance.

Ameera emerged, her face red in laughter “You are splendid!”

Ameera and you laughed but your joy was short lived when a line of military officers and noble gentlemen queued to ask your hand for a dance but you brutally turned them down. You had anticipated this as one of the outcomes but it frustrated you that these men who thought themselves as intelligent didn’t understand the meaning of no. One after another you refused to dance with them simply because you didn’t feel like they would be a good dancer.

Now you were turning down a Colonel who had thought you were an interesting woman who could be won for a dance as he made conversation with you “I must admit, Miss Y/L/N, I have admired you from afar for some time. You caught my eye the very first moment I saw you.”

For the love of all the Saints, did this man have nothing original in his pocket. You rolled your eyes not noticing Nikolai look at you in observant amusement as you retorted “Why on earth would I catch your eye? Your eyeballs look in perfect place to me. I’m not in habit of catching eyes, let me assure that. I’m more of a catching decapitated heads lady.”

You took pleasure in seeing the life drain out of his face in fear but he tried a different tactic “May I have the -”

You immediately replied wanting to get this over with “No, you may not dance with me. Why don’t you go find another partner who actually wants to dance with you? Goodbye.”

You heaved a sigh of gratitude and Ameera who had been witnessing this grinned “I wish I could refuse men the way you do. It is a wonder to witness.”

Your eyes involuntarily skipped toward Nikolai who was surrounded by a gaggle of beautiful princesses and pretty ladies as he flashed his charming smile and said something that made them laugh. You felt something quite fierce and protective in your heart at the sight as you bit fiercely into your macaroon.

Ameera smiled knowingly as she eyed you glaring at Nikolai who was popular among the ladies as she queried politely “You admire King Nikolai Lantsov?”

“No!” you denied immediately and fiercely, shocked at the very thought as you swallowed your food and smiled tightly thinking of Nikolai surrounded by all those beautiful princesses and yet the fact he hadn’t paid a single ounce of attention to you stung you “We are friends.”

“I hear he is a good man and a great king with wise plans for change.” replied Ameera conversationally.

“Well, if you want to dance with him, you will have to wait. There is quite a long line of admirers.” you replied sarcastically and snarkily as you bit into your macaroon again glaring at a princess who touched Nikolai’s shoulder flirtily with a coy smile to which he responded with a charming grin.

“Yes, you are right. I must not lose my chance. It was a pleasure meeting you, Miss Y/N Y/LN.” said Ameera sincerely as she nodded at you kindly and sweetly and left to meet Nikolai.

You watched Princess Ameera approach Nikolai and you saw her pointing toward you with a kind smile saying to Nikolai that you had suggested she should dance with him and Nikolai raised his eyebrows at you and you immediately looked away stuffing your mouth with two macaroons.

As you occupied yourself with observing people and eavesdropping shamelessly at their scandalous conversations and eating the amazing sweets, you found your thoughts wandering toward Kaz Brekker, wishing that he was here with you. Their last mission had been a grand party like this where they had played the role of a married couple, where Kaz had been absolutely devoted and loving toward you with burning desire and affection in his eyes only for you as it all felt beautiful and too good to be true. Then the clock had struck midnight and the fairytale had ended with Kaz Brekker breaking your heart cruelly, tearing you apart with his cold words that made you realize you were a fool for him while he had been enjoying playing the game to achieve his goals.

Your hand flew toward the simple silver necklace that had a gold ring hanging from it. The ring was stunning and simple with a charm of the silhouette of a Crow engraved on it and the letter R carved into it. It was the ring he had gifted to you with an involuntary soft smile for your mission as a fake couple because he wanted you to keep and wear it. He had placed the ring on your finger with a soft glint in his eyes as he smoothed your palm with his hand and briefly and softly kissed the your hand. It had been intimate and affectionate, exactly like a real proposal between two lovers who wanted to spend a lifetime with each other. This ring was special to you because it gave you hope that you were his and he wanted it that way.

It felt all too much for you, you were suffocating and you couldn’t breathe as you rushed out of the ballroom to find fresh air and peace as tears sprung into your eyes and your heart ached cruelly tearing you into pieces. You didn’t know where you were, all you knew was you were sitting on the floor as you heaved heavy breaths trying to calm yourself down.

You heard someone sit next to you and Zoya’s calm and collected voice echoed toward you “Hello you.”

You didn’t reply engulfed in your sorrow and heartbreak and Zoya who had seen you run away out of the ballroom wanted to check up on you. Zoya had seen Nikolai who had been in the middle of negotiations with an ambassador look at you in concern and desperation as he tried to excuse himself to check up on you but the ambassador seemed steadfast on keeping a grip on the King of Ravka.

Zoya wanted to know why you looked so pale as she said offering a bottle of brandy “Why did you leave the party?”

You took a gulp of brandy and then a deep breath as you replied in a voice trembling with grief and hurt “It reminded me of.... a person. This enigmatic person who I let get into my head. Trust me, he doesn’t leave.”

Zoya knew who exactly you were talking about as she looked over at you because she had experience with enigmatic people and the aftermath of dealing with the grief of losing them and how they let you down so easily as she queried, taking the bottle of brandy from you “This enigmatic person of yours... is your what exactly?”

You were taken aback by the question as you pondered over it and replied quietly “He’s... he’s not my anything.”

“Oh, you mean you are just friends.” replied Zoya easily in understanding as she nursed the comforting thought of throwing Kaz Brekker into a canal the next time she met him as she drank the brandy.

“Yes, we’re just friends.” you said quickly, too quickly for it to be true as the lie felt bitter on your tongue. You took the bottle of brandy to your lips and the memories of Kaz Brekker, his little soft smile reserved for you until he had become cold and cruel breaking your heart into a million pieces flashed through your mind as you breathed in “Not even friends... not anymore. He’s not the man I thought he was and I hate that.”

“Oh, he was wrong, cruel, mean, underhanded, thoughtless, heartless and arrogant beyond belief.” summed Zoya understanding exactly how you felt because when she had heard of the Darkling’s atrocious act, she had been shaken in pain and disbelief because that was not the man who she had known and cared for. Zoya remembered questioning why the Darkling had become that way and how she could have fallen for his act. “He betrayed you and everything you stood for.”

“Exactly!” you stated looking at Zoya who was drinking the brandy who had summed up your feelings about Kaz Brekker excellently.

Zoya looked at you with a determined glint in her eyes “So are you saying goodbye and ending it? Why are you crying over him instead of enjoying the party in there?”

“I came to Ravka to distance myself from him. I can’t just say goodbye and end everything on a slammed door.” you replied seriously, your eyes widened as a hollow and numb pit began to form at the idea of just leaving Kaz Brekker without a word. The thought of leaving Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel even if he was the boy who broke your heart, was incredibly strange and daunting. You could never think of leaving him because... because who would you be without him? Kaz Brekker for all his faults and flaws was the person who had seen your set of skills and given you purpose in life.

“Yes you can! Anyone can do it! People do it all the time.” exclaimed Zoya honestly and sharply as she watched you drink thoughtfully and nudged you as she raised her eyebrows knowingly “Except of course... when they can’t.”

“Life would be so much simpler if we liked the right people. The people we are supposed to like.” said Zoya contemplatively and quietly thinking of her past with the Darkling as you lay your head on her shoulder glad to have a strong soul who understood you. You felt your breath quicken at Zoya’s words as you thought of Nikolai and Kaz, how vastly different they were and your eyes grew misty “But I suppose then, there wouldn’t be fairytales.”

Fairytales. What a nice and simple word for a fantasy that didn’t exist. In Ketterdam, there was no room for fairytales and yet you were a believer in happily ever after and dreamed of having your own fairytale once you met Kaz Brekker. That was your mistake. You should never have dreamed. You should have never believed that you were someone who deserved to find happiness and true love. Those were purely reserved for good heroes who triumphed in stories.

You replied curtly “I grew up out of fairytales.”

“So did I. I suppose we have something more in common.” said Zoya smiling fondly at you and then got up as she held out her hand to you with a sisterly expression “This enigmatic person of yours... would you trade them for reliable and dull?”

“My person’s a bit different.” you replied with a knowing smile as you thought of Kaz who was dark and mysterious, full of secrets and schemes.

Zoya grinned as she flung an arm around you “Come on, dry your eyes. Don’t waste a second thinking about him. That’s what he wants, to ruin everything you have but don’t give him the satisfaction of letting him get in the way of enjoying your life.”

“And maybe one day... you can end it on a slammed door and trade him for kind and charming.” advised Zoya with a motherly smile as she leaned her head against yours comfortingly raising the bottle of brandy to your good health making you giggle a little.

“Alright then, my plan for tonight is to get fucked up beyond recognition!” you replied merrily as you took the bottle of the brandy and took a gulp from it while Zoya grinned in approval and cheered for you.

Both of you made it to the ballroom laughing and talking when Kirigan cornered Zoya who looked like she was ready for battle and you pitied the poor fellow. Zoya was slowly becoming like a sister to you and you admired her fierce and strong composure. But as Zoya battled Kirigan fiercely in his attempts to woo her, your eyes flicked toward a few gentlemen who were near you and near the hearing range of Nikolai.

You grew curious as you edged a little closer to them with a wine glass in your hand and you heard one of the gentleman, his voice full of glee and juicy gossip as he exclaimed “You haven’t heard?”

Heard what? Spill the tea, good fellow because your ears were open.

Your instincts as a spy were activated as you kept your ears open while you smiled encouragingly at Kirigan who was chatting Zoya who looked like she was battling an army of volcra and you observed the company. It was the Duke Romanov, a few prominent Lords you recognized and a wealthy merchant.

You pretended to be clueless but really you were sipping on your glass of wine as you listened to their chatter as Duke Romanov said in a drawn out voice that aroused curiosity “King Nikolai is the finest king we have ever had the good fortune to have! I do have a shocking piece of information I need to share regarding him but I cannot do so because I cannot taint my reputation by becoming known as a gossip.”

You rolled your eyes because honestly when men said women were the gossips, it amused you. Men were worse than women when it came to gossiping.

You could practically see Lord Radimov salivating as he said “Yes. You have something of importance, Duke?”

You carefully stepped toward them hiding among the crowd as another girl who had eyes out for an eligible suitor, unnoticeable and invisible to them curious to hear what Duke Romanov who was famous for being a gossip with plenty of juicy stories and wicked rumors to share. You had heard that he had argument with Nikolai regarding one of Nikolai’s reforms of integrating Grisha and non - Grisha for unity because the Duke believed taxing the poor and building useless infrastructure was a better reform.

“I cannot say, my dear gentlemen.” said Duke Romanov grandly to the company “It is merely a rumor and I would never dream of slandering our great King’s character.”

You were amazed at people’s ability to lie so casually and carelessly as you listened to the present company reassure him “We will not tell anyone.”

Lord Devington nodded solemnly “You know us, Duke. We are not men who spread untruths. We would never dream of it.”

It was really amazing as you hid an amused grin at these gentlemen being scandalous gossips waiting impatiently for the Duke to spill whatever scandalous story he was withholding about Nikolai. You wondered whether it was about his wild youth or days in the army. Whatever it was, it seemed shocking to the Duke who you had classified information on. You had information on nearly everyone in the court. You were a spy first and foremost and your instincts sought for information you could use and indulge in. You couldn’t turn it off just because you were on holiday.

Duke Romanov gave in with a dramatic sigh as he said in a sincere voice that you almost believed “Well alright, but only if you promise not to repeat a word of it.”

Lord Justinbury repeated “We promise. Does it have something to do with his days before he became King?”

Now your ears were wide open as you felt curiosity as you breathed in while the Duke smiled indulgently and said nastily in a low voice you could hear after years of practice as a spy “That’s exactly it, Lord Justinbury. The shocking part is... that before he became king, he prided himself on being a pirate among scumbags and thieves. Called himself Sturmhond.”

Oh dear! He actually cared about getting out of the bubble of royalty and mixing with commoners! How scandalous!

You grinned involuntarily as you thought of the tales of Sturmhond you had heard and your grin grew wider at the thought of Nikolai pretending to be a privateer in the seas as he worked among common folk and thugs. Well, well, how very naughty of Nikolai, breaking all the traditions of the upperclass Ravka. This just made you like him more.

One gentleman exclaimed “Heavens! The fact that our King has degraded himself so -”

“Rubbing shoulders with terrifying thieves and common folk! That’s hardly a behavior suitable for a King!” exclaimed one of the other Lords while you held back screeches of amused laughter at how dramatic these men were.

Duke Romanov was not done with his story yet as he added with glee “And he has worked for a living sailing all around the world and making friends with thieves in an awful place in Kerch!”

“Oh my - dear Duke Romanov, you don’t mean to tell me our beloved King has mingled with low scumbags - from what’s that terrible, awful, terrifying place of hell -”

“Ketterdam.” another gentleman supplied helpfully.

Yeah, sounded about right. If there was a hell on earth with every evil, terrible, awful thing that the Pandora’s box unleashed, it was Ketterdam itself ruled by the Bastard of the Barrel who was worse than the devil.

“They do not have a proper system of governance like us, do they?” asked another gentleman scandalized at the very thought of no king ruling Ketterdam.

You suppressed a snort of laughter as you replied in your head sarcastically “Worse. They have Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands. If you ever visit Ketterdam, make certain to get on his bad side and he will welcome you warmly.”

Duke Romanov was enjoying the effect his story had on his friends as he whispered conspiratorially in a shocked voice “That’s not even the shocking part!”

Lord Seisthorne replied wide eyed “My dear Duke, what could be more shocking than your revelations this evening?”

Oh you thought that was a bold question for Lord Seisthorne to ask considering the juicy information who were holding in your head regarding him.

Lord Justinbury queried innocently “Does it have something to do with how quickly he inherited the throne?”

“That’s exactly the most shocking part. Isn’t it suspicious how after a long time he suddenly took interest in the throne and worked very hard for it?” asked Duke Romanov delightfully as he exclaimed with a grin “I have heard from a reliable source our King is a Fjerdan born bastard who has no right to sit on the throne!”

You froze in shock. It was apparent Nikolai had heard it and you weren’t the only one who froze in shock. Zoya and Kirigan who were arguing had also stopped in shock as they looked over at Nikolai protectively and loyally and glared daggers at the gossiping Duke.

You had heard whispers but you didn’t want to believe it unless it came from Nikolai. And as you looked over at Nikolai, it was absolutely clear to you that he had heard it. Nikolai looked charming and undisturbed as he sipped on his drink and yet as you looked closer you saw his shoulders stiffen tensely, his happy hazel eyes flicker with pain and betrayal and his charming smile unnoticeably slightly waver at the corners of his mouth.

It was as if he was used to it.

Oh hell no. Hell no! No way you were allowing this gossiping Duke to strip your Prince of his arrogance and pride. Yes, you thought of Nikolai as ridiculous, proud and charming but that was his armor. No one had the right to strip away his armor, take away his pride and hurt him. You would not let anyone do that.

Alright, so now the fun was going to start.

Before anyone could stop you, you had marched to Duke Romanov with a charming smile “Duke Romanov! It’s time for our dance!”

Duke Romanov who had not been introduced to you looked at you skeptically “Do we know each other, Miss...”

“Oh believe me, you have not had that pleasure yet. But I believe we can change that for the dance floor calls!” you exclaimed with a delighted smile plastered on your face as you took his hand with a wink and he let himself guide you to the dance floor confused yet fine with what was happening.

The dance began as the confused Duke guided you across the dance floor and he looked at you in confusion but his confusion melted away to awe when you flashed your sweet smile at him unaware that Nikolai was gripping his wine glass very tightly burning a hole into the Duke’s head as you said pleasantly “Duke Romanov, I understand you are not happy with King Nikolai Lantsov.”

“Who are you?” asked the Duke, his smile fading slightly.

“None of your business.” you said with a charming and sassy smile as you pressed yourself closer to him and felt satisfied when the Duke groaned in pain as you pressed a butter knife you had picked from the table. You smiled brightly as you raised your eyebrows and pressed the knife into his torso “Keep smiling brightly and dancing.”

“Just so we are clear, this is pressed into your brachial artery. Keep smiling, sweetheart.” you crooned sweetly and charmingly with a delightful smile on your face as you danced with him unaware that Nikolai was curiously looking at you who looked far too happy to be dancing with a pompous Duke who seemed like he was trying his best to smile.

“Once you start to bleed, you will start to lose consciousness and then you will die soon unless someone comes to aid.” you said calmly and politely smiling widely at the Duke pressing the knife harder making him groan in absolute pain “Now given your recent magnificent behavior at this party... how likely do you think that anyone is going to rescue you?”

The Duke’s eyes bulged out of his head in shock as he looked at you with absolute pain and you felt pleasure at him suffering at your hands while you danced with him to the music.

“To prevent this entirely blessed and wonderful incident from happening, I recommend you should keep your mouth shut about any distasteful rumors regarding King Nikolai Lantsov from now on and take back what you have said to your noble friends.” you said politely and sweetly but your eyes were steely and cool with the promise of danger if he did not agree with your demands “From now on, I’m keeping my eye on you and calling the shots. Don’t ever mock and threaten the King again. Got it?”

“Got it. Really got it.” groaned the Duke who was suffering true pain at your hands, regretting every word that he had uttered.

“Good. Oh and one more thing. I suspect you want our King dethroned so I’ll be watching your every move. One wrong move, one wrong relationship and the King will be the least of your problems. Don’t smile at this because I am not joking. I have friends who will be glad to take out your eyeballs and hang you down a bridge subjecting you torture if you don’t do as I command.” you whispered softly but it was poison and danger, a promise of death if Duke Romanov didn’t comply as he realized you were serious and he grew frightened of you “If you want your reputation to be untarnished and live a long life, swear and pledge your loyalty only to King Nikolai Lantsov and agree to each and every one of his reforms and commands.”

“Do we have an agreement?” you queried with a kind and sweet smile that only an innocent angel would wear as you pressed the knife deeply into his torso.

“Yeah! I promise on my mother’s grave!” exclaimed Duke Romanov who was now growing pale and starting to look slightly dizzy.

“Wonderful. The deal is the deal. Oh, and I suggest you confess what you said to the King privately right now and apologize to him unless you are looking for a much painful punishment from me.” you replied with a gracious and angelic smile pressing the knife harder and deeper into the torso as the Duke moaned in suffering and agony.

“Spectacular. Thanks for the dance, darling. We should do it again sometime.” you said charmingly with a laugh, your eyes glinting with dark and malicious intentions as you kissed the Duke’s cheek and took your knife away hiding it from sight letting the Duke breath as he wore a horrified and terrified expression at the thought of meeting you again.

You grinned as you sashayed away from the Duke who was gulping in air and you raised an eyebrow at him. He immediately almost ran toward Nikolai clutching his stomach as he said something to Nikolai who looked confused but granted him a private audience as they went to another room. You followed them discreetly and pressed your ear to the door as you listened to the Duke confessed what he had done and apologize profusely to Nikolai who responded with icy silence and then granted forgiveness in a cold charming manner that had a veiled threat in it as the two men started to talk politics and negotiations. You slipped away quietly back to the party with a satisfied and happy grin on your face because this party was not quite bad because it had been fun.

Kaz would have been proud of you. Your smile slightly faltered at the thought of him and your happiness seemed a bit dull.

Before you could dwell on Kaz, you saw Nikolai striding toward the ballroom with a staggering Duke who looked terrified when you shot him a cold glare. Your eyes were on Nikolai, his golden hair like an angelic halo and his hazel eyes warm and bright like a fire, looking every inch of the King he was meant to be. You didn’t care whether he was a bastard. He cared about people and about his country. That was enough for you.

You saw slight exhaustion creep into Nikolai’s eyes at seeing a gang of ladies approach him as he seemed to force a charming smile. You didn’t know what came over you but the next thing you knew, you had marched toward Nikolai and dragged him away from those vultures who wanted him all to themselves.

Nikolai was completely surprised “What on -”

One of the ladies simpered in displeasure “Hey, we were just going to talk to -

“Your Highness, you have impeccable timing, I was just looking for you! We do not have time for flirtations, there’s an urgent situation requires your attention.” you exclaimed with a bright smile as you took his hand and dragged him through the ballroom “Follow my lead.”

Nikolai replied playfully with a bright grin “With pleasure. I love the view.”

You rolled your eyes at him not seeing Zoya and Genya throw each other gleeful looks while you took Nikolai out to the gardens and let go of his hand as he queried curiously “What is the urgent situation? Has your favorite plant died?”

You rolled your eyes at him amusing him “I thought you might need rescuing since you seemed to be tired from being charming.”

“You think I’m charming?”

“Really? That’s all you hear?”

Nikolai grinned widely as he stepped toward you with a sincere and teasing glint in his hazel eyes as he murmured “Just admit you wanted to be with me alone for tonight.”

You felt something erupt in your heart as your cheeks blossomed with warmth “You are the most - most ridiculous, proud, thick - headed prat I’ve ever met!”

“You’re not denying it.” replied Nikolai playfully enjoying riling you up because your fierce scowl and fiery spark in your eyes enchanted him.

“Fine. I deny that I wanted to be alone with you.” you snapped in exasperation as you felt something bitter sting you as you averted your eyes away from Nikolai “Go, shoo! Go away and be with the beautiful princesses who would make perfect queen for Ravka!”

Nikolai smiled slightly as he realized that perhaps you were jealous but he thought it best not to bring it up as he replied gently “But they mean nothing to me because I have eyes only for the most divine goddess who is standing in front of me.”

You blushed as you felt Nikolai stare at you intensely with burning desire and reverence. Nikolai had been waiting for you to enter the party and when you had arrived, he was struck breathless and enchanted by you. You were always beautiful and lovely but tonight you were a magical goddess who had stepped out of his dreams who drove him crazy. Nikolai had wanted to go talk to you immediately and dance with you all night but the business of protecting Ravka and keeping its interests afloat came first as he made conversation with ambassadors, diplomats, noblemen and ladies charming them and ensuring their loyalty to Ravka.

Nikolai could not stop staring at you all night because you had bewitched his heart as he stared at you smiling brightly dressed in an off the shoulder rosy pink floaty and soft ball gown with long sleeves embroidered with glittering magical and colorful flowers. Your hair was braided sweetly with lovely waves of it curling down your shoulder, pretty pink and white flowers and purple butterflies tucked into it. You were the most beautiful, divine, magical creature Nikolai’s eyes had ever seen and if he had to define beauty, it was the very sight of you that made his heart soar in joy and gladness.

All Nikolai wanted to do was to dance with you but he was crowded with people who wanted to talk to him and he observed you had a long line of admirers who you refused sharply amusing Nikolai at the sight of brave officers and noblemen being turned down by you and the rumors of you being a conceited little madam. He knew you weren’t conceited, you were just waiting for the right partner.

And Duke Romanov... that had been bizarre. At first he had been completely jealous that you had made the first move and asked Duke Romanov of all people to dance with you but as the dance progressed, he noticed the odd relationship between the both of you. Later, after the dance, the Duke had been gasping for breath as he nursed slight wound on his torso that Nikolai pretended to ignore as he apologized to Nikolai and swore his loyalty to him.

Nikolai suspected that you had something to do with the sudden change of heart Duke Romanov had.

“I had a strange conversation with the Duke Romanov.” began Nikolai nonchalantly and casually as he looked at you and observed a slight amused flicker in your eyes but you kept a deadpanned expression excellently.

“Oh?”

“He apologized for disagreeing with all my reforms and believed that I was the King Ravka needed and deserved. So many flattering and kind things said and I wonder what made him change his heart about me.” said Nikolai casually as he kept a watchful eye on you seeing your lips slightly twitch but you wore a casual and deadpanned expression as if you had never heard of the Duke Romanov before.

“Ah, well. Maybe the Duke had a change of heart.” you said cheerfully with a careless grin surprising Nikolai at how well you were hiding it.

“It’s the strangest thing that a Duke who has disliked me for a long time suddenly had a change of heart after the dance with you.” stated Nikolai calmly determined to coax the truth out of you. “I could have sworn he was holding his stomach with great pain.”

You paused for a moment and then looked at Nikolai innocently “Perhaps he had a stomach ache? Maybe he had too many lemon pies? Eating too many lemon pies always give me a stomach ache -”

“So you didn’t threaten him?” retorted Nikolai exasperated and amused by your lively chatter.

“How dare you accuse a lady of such scandalous acts, Your Majesty! You are disgrace!” you exclaimed dramatically as you placed your hand on your chest and fanned yourself with another hand pretending to almost faint making Nikolai laugh in amusement. “I am just an innocent lady who does not even know the dark ways of the world.”

“I’d be tempted to believe you if you weren’t part of the most feared gang in Ketterdam... the Crows.” retorted Nikolai with an easygoing grin as his eyes twinkled in joy.

You decided to drop the act and put your hands up in surrender as you drawled carelessly turning from damsel to a survivor “Fine. I may have danced with him and... offered him a deal that was too good to resist.”

Nikolai raised his eyebrows at you and you rolled your eyes “The deal was he gets to shut his mouth about you and I get to keep my knife away from his major arteries.”

Nikolai’s jaw dropped in shock at the thought of you actually threatening Duke Romanov for protecting Nikolai as his eyes widened in amazement “Why did you do that?”

“I was bored at this party and I wanted to have some fun.” you replied carelessly and nonchalantly as you looked away from Nikolai who felt disappointed and hurt as he looked away from you because how could he ever think he could be special to you?

“And because... because you’re my friend and I don’t want to see you hurt.” you whispered softly and gently with a kind and shy look in your eyes after a long moment of silence as you gazed at him earnestly, a warm protective feeling blooming in your heart.

Nikolai’s eyes widened in wonder and surprise because he was shocked that you cared so much him to do such a dangerous and chivalrous deed to protect his honor and reputation as he suddenly felt breathless and warmth spread across his cheeks as he replied after a long moment “I... you... thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me but...”

Nikolai was speechless trying to find the right words to articulate how he truly felt about you in that moment but words failed him as you smiled softly at him “I know you don’t have to answer to me... but is it true?”

Nikolai halted, his breath hitching because he had thought you heard the rumors surrounding him and believed them. He had not expected you to gently ask about him greatest shame that he hid, waiting for him to tell you the truth from his own lips instead of believing the liars and clowns making noise.

It was hard to confide this vulnerable insecurity that had defined so much of himself in his life to you who he adored and worshiped. Because you were so wonderful and kind and deserved someone so much better than a bastard who hid his truth and worked so hard to be loved by wearing different masks.

And yet, as he stood feeling your calming and gentle presence in this moonlit garden, he felt exposed and vulnerable, shy and terrified to let his guard down to the one person who might understand him.

But the world has lied to you enough... you deserved the truth.

“Yes. It’s the truth.” the words slipped softly, in a semblance of a whisper as he looked away from you feeling shame and insecurities as he heard Vasily laughing, Nikolai Nothing. “Born a bastard by a Fjerdan sailor and a Ravkan queen who was neglected by her husband in wedlock. It’s who I am, Y/N.”

His voice cracked, broken and hurt seeping through it as he felt the words he left unspoken vibrate in the air “It’s who I have always been no matter how good of a show I put up.”

“Now you know that I am not who I am... you are free to decide what you should do.” said Nikolai quietly, his voice solemn but a hint of pain and hurt seeped through it as he squared his shoulders just like a soldier bravely would before stepping into a battle of bullets.

The silence seemed to stretch for a long moment and Nikolai realized that you must have left him. Of course, that was the wisest course of action. Nikolai felt his heart sink into a deep, cold, dark pool of self - loathing and heartbreak as he realized you hated and were disgusted by who he was. Who could blame you? Who would want an unlovable bastard, a nothing who pretended to be somebody to befriend and love?

But he was surprised when your arms wrapped around his waist hugging him tightly as you stood on your tiptoes behind him, your chin resting on his shoulders as he felt the curve of your lips tug into a small smile, your voice full of warmth, gentleness and reassurance “Don’t be silly, Nikolai. I’m not going anywhere.”

Nikolai felt time stop as he realized you were still here, still with him and had chosen the real and true him as a lump of emotion swelled in his throat as you said lightly “I happen to like you very much just the way you are, you ridiculous boy.”

Nikolai smiled involuntarily as he felt warm and loved without any strings attached as he closed his eyes and placed his hands on top of your hands that were wrapped around his waist, pulling him into a tight hug as he felt happiness erupt in his stomach “Y/N... you know this means, I’m not nobility. Not really.”

Nikolai knew he had to face you as he turned around to look at you. You were stunning, kindness and thoughtfulness etched on your face as you stared at him softly with an open heart. He couldn’t understand why you had not left him here all alone. Nikolai didn’t understand why you had seen the real him and still stayed with him, embracing him warmly with a light hearted and reassuring words that made him feel that nothing was going to change how you felt about him no matter his insecurities and truths that were revealed.

People always left. Why weren’t you leaving?

“Nobility is not defined by our family lines. It’s defined by our actions and how we honor others.” you said drawing yourself up straight in a poised and dignified manner as you looked at Nikolai in gentle reassurance and quiet understanding and your lips quirked into a smile “You are silly and ridiculous... but out of every aristocrat and royalty and nobility I have seen... you have proved to me that you are the true definition of nobility because you earned the title, the throne and crown by your actions and caring for people... not by a royal title you took for granted.”

Nikolai’s eyes widened in surprise as he stared at you in wonder and amazement, his heart thudding loudly as he realized that you didn’t care about his birth status quo and you believed that he was worthy of being called noble as his eyes filled with gratitude “Coming from you, that is high praise.”

You smiled softly at Nikolai as your eyes twinkled in kindness as you replied sincerely and earnestly as you took a deep breath “You are ridiculous, condescending, absolutely annoying, insufferable and -”

Nikolai raised his eyebrows “Excuse me, I thought we were having a moment?”

“All I know is for your many faults, you are honest, courageous, strong, true and kind - hearted and you are on your way to becoming the greatest king Ravka has ever known.” you stated quietly with a solemn and contemplative expression with belief glimmering in your eyes that surprised Nikolai who was stunned and speechless “I don’t care whether you are a bastard or a noble. It doesn’t matter who we are born as. What matters is who we decide to be. And you have chosen to be a king who wants to make Ravka a safer and better country.”

Nikolai who felt the air knocked out of his lungs at the sincerity and belief in your eyes felt speechless until he managed to retort “I didn’t know you believed in me so much.”

“Trust me, I can hardly believe it myself.” you replied with a good natured grin, your eyes twinkling in amusement and honesty.

Nikolai let out a huff of laughter as he felt your hand brush against his gently and he felt electrified and excited, the butterflies coming alive. He wanted to take your hand in his but he felt terrified.

He had never felt this way with anyone. Why on earth was he nervous to take your hand?

Saints, was he sweating?

“Get it together, Lantsov,” he commanded himself sternly “You’ve faced Fjerdan bullets and pirates and death and the Darkling. This is nothing compared to that.”

You looked over at him with those pretty eyes and he instantly knew that everything he had faced was nothing compared to you.

“I suppose it’s hard to believe that there are people who believe and accept me for who I am. I’ve grown up with servants whispering rumors in front of me about my birth... my father who never cared about me because he knew who I was and my brother who taunted and laughed at me because I was not his blood.” said Nikolai taking in a deep breath, trying to articulate everything he felt as he found himself confiding his deepest secret in you easily, suddenly finding that it was easier for him to breathe “ I never belonged anywhere. Maybe that’s why I ran away and became Sturmhound, the dashing privateer. I wanted to find somewhere I belonged.”

Your expression was one of pure curiosity “Had any luck?”

“I’m not sure yet.” replied Nikolai quietly and softly as he stared at you hopefully, his eyes filled with adoration and aching longing for you and you felt yourself blushing as you realized what he meant. Nikolai smiled slightly as he sighed “All I know is... court is not where I belong. They all smile and pretend to love me but they all know the truth and gossip about it. It... I pretend it doesn’t hurt but it aches sometimes and that’s why I do everything to make up for it.”

There was a long moment of silence and Nikolai felt as if he was the drowning man who had suddenly been pulled to shore by you. He had confided his status in Alina who had comforted him with sweet words. But he saw you furrowing your eyebrows thoughtfully with a small smile you wore when you thought of something deep and smart.

“You’re spending your entire life trying to make people happy. It’s good to care about others but not at the expense of yourself. Don’t try to make up for it or apologize for who you are to those who gossip about you. Be a king... be a leader and tell everyone what you need them to do. Show them who you are... the bastard who earned the right to become the King of Ravka.” you said passionately and truthfully to Nikolai who was taken aback your sharp wit and wise insight that was not comforting but truthful and inspiring to him.

“You know... there are times, when you display a sort of... I don’t know what to call it.” said Nikolai with a strange and thoughtful expression and then looked at you with a small soft smile “But it is... I’d say you display a strange sense of wisdom laced with sharp truth.”

You blushed as you looked away feeling admired and good enough as you smiled shaking your head and he looked at you with a bright twinkle in his eyes, his spirit renewed “I suppose then... being a bastard isn’t that bad because it has earned a point in my favor from you.”

You laughed as you looked at him and breathed with a shy and sincere smile “By the way, I like you when you’re like this. When you are just being yourself without reservation, without trying to please anyone.”

Nikolai felt warmth and happiness burst in his heart as he blushed “It’s too easy to be myself when I’m with you.”

You blushed as you looked at him admiringly and affectionately, full of amazement and protectiveness for the boy who had grown up with demons in his head and yet chosen to be kind and courageous. You felt terrible and admired Nikolai for growing up in a palace where he felt he did not belong, struggled to define himself outside the rumors and earn the love of his family and people when it should have been given unconditionally to him.

You thought of a lonely boy who craved for acceptance and love, running away to fight in the front lines facing danger and death and becoming a privateer to find a semblance of a family could have at some point decided life was cruel and become a monster who was filled with bitterness and anger. And yet, Nikolai had faced the world with a bright smile and maintained a kind heart and a courageous soul to fight for the good of the world.

You thought of Kaz who was completely different to Nikolai, Kaz who was full of vengeance and cruelty but his heart was still in the right place to people he cared about. You wondered whether Kaz could have chosen to be kind or whether he chose to become the Bastard of the Barrel to survive in this world and define himself by vengeance. But it was useless to ponder on such questions. It was what Kaz had needed to do to survive in the Barrel, right? If he hadn’t become the biggest and baddest of them all, he would have surely died.

But yet looking at Nikolai, flickers of doubt started to tug at you. Could someone be full of hurt and pain and fight their way to the top while maintaining a semblance of kindness? What if Kaz had chosen to be a little kinder and softer, would he have loved you?

There you were thinking of the Bastard of the Barrel again.

And why on earth were you thinking of Nikolai again?

Your hand had unconsciously flown to your necklace as you were thinking of Kaz when Nikolai inquired curiously interrupting your thoughts “What’s that?”

You realized you were stroking the ring Kaz had given you and blushed a beetroot red in embarrassment as you stuttered “It’s - it’s - um - it’s my engagement ring. Saints! I mean - uh fake engagement ring Kaz gave me when he pretended to be my husband.”

“I see.” said Nikolai quietly feeling his heart break at the mention of you still wearing something Kaz Brekker had given you. It felt as if Kaz Brekker found a way to remind Nikolai that you were not Nikolai’s but Kaz Brekker’s girl. “May I see it?”

You nodded after a flicker of hesitation as you let Nikolai step closer toward you, his fingers lightly brushing against the skin of your neck electrifying you as he grasped the ring gently and examined it curiously and after a moment replied sassily “It’s nice. Not the ring I would have chosen for you. May I ask as to why you are still wearing it?”

“It’s difficult to explain.” you said biting your lip with a troubled look in your eyes as you looked into Nikolai’s quiet and gentle eyes that waited patiently for you. “The truth is... I don’t really know why I’m still wearing this ring after everything.”

“I know it’s over with Kaz Brekker and I know he will never love me. I know it was a fake engagement that I was stupid to believe was real. But for some reason... I keep holding onto this ring he gave me because... it’s special to me.” you said softly and thoughtfully as you thought of Kaz whose lips pulled into an unnoticeable soft smile when he looked at you and whose eyes glinted in amusement and affection whenever you made a joke.

You looked at the silhouette of the crow as you traced the R engraved on the ring, blinking back tears with a heavy heart “It’s like - like I’m not ready yet. I’m not ready... I’m scared to take it off because I don’t know what will happen to me if I do. Because deep down, I know if I take if off, it will mean that I’m saying goodbye to everything I shared with Kaz Brekker. It’ll mean that all the memories, the good and bad times, everything we shared was all wrong and fake.”

“I’m just trying to hold onto the memories... I’m trying to hold onto him for as long as possible with the desperate hope that he see me one day.” you whispered, smiling amidst the pain and hurt you had tried to drink away tonight but resurfaced when you thought of Kaz.

You took a deep breath as you stayed silent with Nikolai who looked at you feeling pain and hurt strike his heart at how much you loved Kaz and wondered whether there was a chance you could ever love him back as he said after a long moment “Y/N... I know you love Kaz Brekker and that bastard is incredibly lucky to be loved by you... but Y/N, are you really going to wait your whole life in tears and pain for him to see him while he ruins every moment of your life that you could be living the way you want to? Y/N, you’re trying everything to prove to him that you love him but he has only made you end in tears and heartbreak.”

It was the truth you didn’t want to hear as you glared at him but he remained unaffected and steady, offering you the truth instead of sweet lies.

“You are an amazing person. You care about his feelings more than yours. But you’re not holding onto him... you’re holding onto the pain because that’s all you have left. You deserve to let go and think about what you want and put yourself first. You deserve to be free and happy.” said Nikolai earnestly and honestly as he looked at you sincerely as your gaze softened with sadness and surprise because you had not thought of it “I hope one day... you’ll find yourself brave enough to let him go instead of clinging to a bastard who treats you poorly and breaks your heart. I hope one day... you’ll let yourself breathe and live for yourself.”

You were speechless as you realized Nikolai had spoken the truth that reached into the depths of your saddened soul that suddenly felt quietly inspired and Nikolai smiled gently “Until that day... I’ll be standing by you every step of the way.”

You were speechless as you stared at him in wonder and quiet surprise because it felt so strange to have a person care for you so deeply that he would tell you the real truth in a way that inspired, motivated, understood and comforted you. You didn’t know if you could ever let go of Kaz Brekker, let go of this overwhelming heartbreak and sadness you felt and wondered whether there would ever be a day where it would happen.

“You’re right. But it feels impossible. Because he still has a hold on me. He always will.” you said weakly, your voice wavering in exhaustion and pain as you looked at Nikolai whose face was etched with concern. “He is more than the boy who broke my heart. He is the boy who saved me. And I know there is something in him worth saving too.”

“At the expense of your own happiness and good health?” queried Nikolai softly and gently, his heart clenching in hurt for you. “Saving him while you drown in despair and pain?”

You froze feeling angry and hurt, stung by Nikolai’s words because he had always been kind to you. You liked Nikolai because he was always full of kindness, comfort and goodness. He was never harsh and unkind. Now Nikolai was spitting the cruel truth to your face unflinchingly, remaining unaffected and steady as he took a dig at your deepest pain.

It felt as if he was patronizing you, believing that you would always be the girl who would drown in despair and hurt out of your love for Kaz Brekker. It felt like he was almost laughing at your deep love for Kaz Brekker and thought of you as a foolish, silly girl for clinging onto Kaz and not letting go. It was as if he thought he would be the one to save you from the grave you had dug for yourself while hiding his amusement at how deep you had fallen into your grave.

It felt hurtful. It felt patronizing. It felt condescending.

Most of all you just felt angry that it was Nikolai who was trying to help you when it should be Kaz Brekker who should be there for you. You wanted to yell in pain because there was so much pain searing in your heart. You wanted to kick and stab someone in your anger. You wanted to lash out at Kaz Brekker for making you this girl who was on your knees, weak with love for him. But Kaz Brekker wasn’t here and you lashed out at the only person who was here for you.

“Don’t you speak to me again, you condescending, patronizing prat! You know what, I shouldn’t have told you anything thinking you’d understand!” you snapped angrily burning with rage that you wanted to unleash on Kaz Brekker but you shoved Nikolai instead hiding the tears in your eyes “Don’t - don’t ever come near me again!”

You blinked back the harsh tears that threatened to fall down your cheeks as you ran away wanting to be alone. You didn’t even know where you were going as you ran through the graveled paths, deeper and deeper into the gardens, feeling humiliated and heartbroken. You cursed the Bastard of the Barrel who had broken your heart and kept on hurting you over and over again.

You breathed in the beauty of the night frozen in time right where it was left but before you could take a better look, oncoming footsteps drew your attention immediately. The air grew cold with fear and anticipation as you stiffened preparing yourself. The footsteps came closer to you but you were ready to take down the intruder who threatened your peace and probably life as you turned around and landed a punch on the intruder who groaned in pain, kicking him in the crotch as he doubled down in pain and wasted no time as you efficiently got him in a headlock, one of the knives you had drawn from under your dress glinting in the moonlight as you pressed it lightly on his throat.

“Don’t beg for mercy. I have none.” you whispered dangerously and quietly “Who are you and who sent you?”

“It’s Nikolai Lantsov, the King of your heart! Saints, you are so murderous... do it more.” whispered Nikolai huskily with a flirty smirk under your grip as he breathed, his heart beating rapidly.

You couldn’t believe your ears as you realized the mop of blonde hair and the smooth and flirty voice belonged to no one except Nikolai “WHAT? WHY ARE YOU HERE?”

“I came here to see if you were okay but obviously that’s not important anymore.” groaned Nikolai under your grip because you still had not released him out of shock as he let out a gladdened and lovestruck sigh “Could you choke me tighter? I’m loving where I’m right now.”

You released him blushing at the sexual innuendos he was implying as you glared at him fiercely while he brushed his coat regally as he coughed, slightly red in the face and you snapped at him in exasperation “OI! I told you to stay away from me!”

Nikolai looked quite calm for a man who had just been punched, kicked and nearly strangled to death as he replied rubbing his reddened cheek and nose with a cheeky smile “I didn’t listen.”

You raised your eyebrows at him knowingly in exasperation “You do that quite a lot.”

“That’s why you like me.” retorted Nikolai with a cheeky and bright grin, his hazel eyes twinkling in knowing and amusement.

“Who says I like you?” you retorted in annoyance and irritation but for some unfathomable reason, warmth flared on your cheeks as your stomach flipped.

Nikolai only responded with a wink and a good humored grin that made you feel shy and conscious of yourself as you looked away from him. You were still angry but not at him. You had been irrational and cruel to the very person who was trying to help you because you had been too busy drowning in the depressing thoughts of Kaz Brekker, the boy who broke your heart.

“I’m sorry.” you blurted out quickly because guilt nagged at your mind and heart at lashing out at Nikolai who had looked hurt at your words. “I’m so sorry. You weren’t patronizing or condescending, you were trying to help and - and I was angry at Kaz but I took it out on you. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I want you to know that I’m so sorry.”

Nikolai wore an inscrutable expression that scared you because you didn’t know what he was thinking. Nikolai stepped toward you and looked deeply into your eyes. In a moment, his expression softened into one of forgiveness and gentleness as he smiled softly and kindly as he caressed your cheek tenderly “You are always forgiven, beloved. I’m only glad that you felt safe enough to take it out on me.”

“I don’t deserve a friend like you.” you said, your voice cracking in heavy emotion of disbelief and shock as tears sprung into your eyes at feeling the depth of how much Nikolai cared for you, a person who didn’t deserve it.

“Y/N, I’m terribly sorry but I am exactly who you deserve.” replied Nikolai with a bright and tender smile understanding that you had acted out of grief and not out of malice

He wiped away your tears and pulled you in for a warm hug as he wished that you would see that what you deserved was standing right in front of you, holding you in his arms and after a long moment he said softly “I want to understand you. Why were you so angry when I suggested you should let go of Kaz Brekker?”

“Because - because for all his faults, Kaz Brekker is the reason who I am today. Kaz was the first person who believed I wasn’t weak. Kaz showed me that I’m a dangerous and powerful girl, a force to be reckoned with!” you exclaimed passionately as you looked at Nikolai, your heart beating with pain and reminiscence of Kaz teaching you how to survive in the Barrel and advising you when you fell down, believing in you when you were frustrated with yourself and looking at you with that rare approving and happy gleam in his eyes when you performed extraordinarily well.

Your voice cracked as you felt broken and wrong “Without him... who am I? I don’t know who I am without him. I’ll be nobody if he didn’t see me.”

Nikolai was shocked because that was not what he expected out of you but as he looked at you, his heart pounded in pain and understanding for you as he said after a moment “When I became the King of Ravka, I believed I didn’t deserve my throne. Not truly. Because it wasn’t me who had extinguished the Fold and brought peace at last. It was the Sun Summoner, Sankta Alina who everyone believed in me that achieved the goal. I thought I was nothing without her. I wouldn’t have made it that far without her.”

“That’s not true.” you said immediately because you knew it was wrong immediately “You are a great King. I’ve seen how you are as King. You care so much about people that you bled for them in the battlefield, you smile and give them hope for a better future and you’ll do anything to hold everything together to stop your kingdom falling apart. The people might have had faith in Alina but you’re the one who rallied them all together and gave them hope for a better future, a better Ravka with a King who would not repeat the failures of the past.”

Nikolai felt moved as his heart swelled with gratitude and surprise at being seen by you and felt a lump of emotion swell in his throat as he replied after a moment “Well, you seem to be full of compliments for me today.”

“I don’t give compliments. I tell the truth.” you said with a scowl making Nikolai chuckle and you punched him in the arm playfully “Stop, you’re going to be so insufferable now!”

“Well according to you, I’m already insufferable and I’m never going to stop being insufferable with you!” exclaimed Nikolai with a teasing grin as he hugged you with a heart full warmth and happiness as you squealed at the sudden hug but welcomed it with a laugh.

You both laughed together and as the laughter subsided, Nikolai looked at you seriously “You think of me so highly, with so much of faith. You believe that I was equally important as Alina. Why don’t you believe the same about yourself? Why don’t you believe that despite Kaz Brekker, you have always been a strong girl who had a fire within you and kind heart? A girl who would find a way out of the darkness into the light?”

“I - I -” you stuttered in shock and disbelief as you racked your brains trying to find the answer but you were lost for words as you stared at Nikolai who was gazing at you in utmost faith and complete belief.

“The answer to your dilemma is the same as mine.” stated Nikolai gently and firmly after a few moments as he caressed your cheek gently and softly, his fingers tingling feeling sparks of joy at the contact “You are who you are in spite of Kaz Brekker. Kaz Brekker may have shown you what you can do but everything you did, all the challenges you faced, all the times you won and became stronger after each battle.... all those achievements are yours and yours only. You never needed Kaz Brekker to become great. It was him that needed you.”

You were speechless as your heart pounded loudly and your thoughts raced frantically as you tried to remember. You tried to remember who you were in Ketterdam before Kaz Brekker had entered your life. It was murky and the memories began to resurface in wisps but you remembered being untethered and free, unemployed by the Bastard of Barrel. You remembered you were a girl who had a deceivingly calm composure, a charming smile and an instinct to observe sharply and react at the right time.

"I remember." you murmured softly as you remembered how you would blend into the crowd and be a ghost, a different version you needed to be to deceive others in order for you to gain information and help people and the sharp perceptiveness and curiosity you possessed with the spirit of wanting to make a difference.

You remembered how you helped people with your skills, finding out where there missing children were, who their spouse was sleeping with, helping children in abused homes flee to a safe place, investigating deaths and disappearances as you found yourself tugging on threads of cruelty and corruption in the city, finding proof on people who were wrongfully convicted to be set free. You had done some good, reunited friends and family, saved lives and made people smile again as they owed you debts of gratitude before Kaz Brekker came to your life.

You weren't powerful but you were dangerous and strong in your own right.

Had you really forgotten that?

"I had forgotten who I was before him. Now I remember... little bits and pieces of it." you murmured in wonder and reminiscence as you looked at Nikolai feeling incredibly shocked and taken aback that he had helped you find a part of you that you had almost lost.

Nikolai smiled as he realized that you were slowly beginning to find yourself "It would be an honour to know who you were before Kaz Brekker...but you're not obliged to tell me."

"Perhaps one day... I'll tell you when I remember everything." you murmured softly, your eyes quietly and gratefully promising him.

“I shall count days until then.” said Nikolai earnestly with a lovely smile that made your heart skip a beat as you suddenly realized how utterly and completely beautiful he was. “That’s the beautiful thing about letting go... you get to create your new beginning and find a new dream.”

“A new dream...” you murmured, the very sensation of it feeling strange to you as you thought of the novel idea of letting go of Kaz and leaving Ketterdam to find something different and new, a dream of your own that you didn’t yet know. “That’s sounds lovely. What’s yours?”

“What?” queried Nikolai in alarm and surprise because he had been too busy staring at you lovestruck and lost in dreams of holding your hand in his and dancing with you.

“Your new dream. You told me once that you dream of a Ravka that will never fail its people. But you must have your own dream... a new dream?” you inquired curiously as you looked at Nikolai wanting to know everything about him because this boy who shouldered the burden of a nation with a heavy golden crown smiling brightly but had such vulnerability and kindness to him that you had not seen him display in public fascinated you.

You saw him smile hesitant and reluctant to reply as you nudged him “Come on! I can see you have your dreams. I won’t laugh, I promise.”

“I dream of you...” thought Nikolai longingly his lips tugging into a smile of affection and adoration as he gazed at you. But his heart beat rapidly, and he felt too scared to confess the overwhelming enormity of his affection for you because he could lose you forever.

And yet he wanted more than anything for you to know his dream that he hid from the rest of the world.

“I have a dream... an unfulfilled and new dream that I persist on dreaming it even thought it seems like it can never come true. I dream of a happy home, with laughter of children who are loved more than they know, friends who will always be there and... a wonderful wife with whom I am deeply in love with and share a blessed, happy and blissful relationship that will always stand through adversity” said Nikolai slowly and softly as he gazed at you, his hazel eyes burning with meaningful longing and aching hope that frightened and excited you as you inhaled a sharp breath “I dream about holding her hand and growing old together, dancing in the rain and spending our lifetime together full of adventures and love unburdened by meaningless things.”

You suddenly felt an aching in your heart as you felt the warmth and beauty of the vision that Nikolai had painted and you felt a sharp jab of pain that you didn’t understand at the thought of Nikolai living this beautiful dream with another girl as you replied softly and sincerely “That’s beautiful. I hope your dream does come true, Nikolai. I really hope you find someone that you will live your dream together.”

“I have found her. But I’m waiting for her to see me.” said Nikolai quietly and sincerely after a moment as he gazed at you intensely with worship and affection and your cheeks flooded into a warm red as you realized what he might be implying and you simply didn’t know how to feel about that “She’s smart, a fighter, loyal, and has this heart full of kindness and love. And she’s so enchanting. I feel like since she came to life, I have begun to hope and dream more than I ever did."

"But you know, she's rather rude, punches me in the nose, nearly stopped me from producing an heir and gets mad at me when I try to show her how I feel and completely in love with this guy who doesn't understand how awesome she is." said Nikolai honestly and sincerely, his heart pounding as he took a risk with his feelings and glanced at you who had frozen and yet was smiling in amusement, your eyes glinting in pain and worry "I wish she could just see me."

You were silent as the loudness of your heart mingled with the aftermath of his veiled confession hit you hard like a ton of bricks. You liked Nikolai. You really, really liked him. For all his flaws, he had become your rock and your safe place without you even realizing it from the moment you had met him. Nikolai was a good man and a friend who you cared for so much but you couldn't and didn't feel this way for him. You could never love Nikolai Lantsov the way he wanted you to love him.

But hopefully, he wasn’t talking about you. He was Nikolai Lantsov, the King of Ravka! He met many people on a daily basis! You weren’t special to him!

Yes, that could be it. It wasn’t you he was talking about. It was another girl whose name you didn’t want to know and face you never wanted to see.

“Well... she sounds completely awful. There’s a chance she’s going to break your heart and make you cry. You shouldn’t have hope. It’s dangerous and clouds your judgement.” you said sternly and quietly as you felt your own experience and memories surface “If she doesn’t see you, you should move on and find someone better. Don’t wait around for someone who won’t see you.”

“Maybe hope is dangerous and foolish. But whenever I’m with her, I know I’ll wait an entire lifetime for her to see me.” replied Nikolai softly with a gentle and yearning smile that made you feel hot and you tried to push away the thoughts that perhaps he was talking about you “She’s worth the wait.”

“Oh my Saints! You are absolutely lovestruck idiot! What if - she breaks your heart and falls in love with someone else? What if she doesn’t love you back and goes on with her life?” you exclaimed as you slapped Nikolai in his chest as you were exasperated and annoyed at him for liking this hypothetical princess so much to the point of giving up everything “Mark my words, I speak out of experience... you are setting up yourself for heartbreak with this princess of yours.”

“Consider your words marked, Oh Wise One. I love her so much that a part of me doesn’t care if she loves me back. Her happiness is way worth more than making her mine.” said Nikolai as he gazed at you lovingly tucking a strand of your hair behind your ears “All those princesses chasing me doesn’t mean a thing because there’s only her.”

“You really love her, don’t you?” you asked feeling self - conscious, praying to all the Saints that the girl wasn’t you.

Nikolai’s smile of longing, affection and sadness was enough to answer your question as you smiled quietly, feeling a slight stab of pain at the fact that it wasn’t you despite the gladness “Well... I just think this girl needs some time to see what’s really in front of her.”

Nikolai’s heart fluttered with dangerous hope as he saw you gazing at him sweetly and gently with an aching sad yet quiet longing and understanding as he felt breathless but you grinned up at him with a new idea in your mind.

“Oh!” you exclaimed in wonder and childlike awe making startling Nikolai who jumped back at your energy “Oh, I know! You’re Sturmhound, the pirate, right? Tell me everything! I’m dying to know all about it! Is it really true you have a flying ship?”

“Darling, I’m a privateer. That is an important distinction.” said Nikolai grinning at your enthusiasm as he regaled you “No, it’s not true about me having a flying ship.”

You looked so disappointed Nikolai wished he hadn’t said that as he corrected you with a proud smile “I have a fleet of flying ships.”

“Saints! Why did you become a privateer? Other than running away to find where you belong?” you questioned eagerly and curiously, hungry to know about his life as a privateer.

“Well, a prince is a songbird in a golden cage. A privateer has freedom to decide his own fate and find where he belongs. I loved my life at sea that gave me freedom but I always planned to come back to Ravka.” stated Nikolai with a sincere and quiet smile.

“Tell me about your adventures! What was your favorite one? I’m dying to know all about it! Have you really traveled all over the world? Is it really true that you deceived the Darkling and hunted the Sea Whip?” you questioned, your eyes bright with curiosity and wonder as you looked at Nikolai with enthusiasm.

Nikolai was one to boast of his adventures and yet he was uncertain as to where to begin with you but the questions you fired at him eased him into a direction of describing his adventures on sea where he sailed with his crew, fought pirates, explored different lands, got into trouble and had extraordinary adventures. You had different questions bubbling with eager curiosity that Nikolai was only too happy to answer as he felt content speaking about his time as Sturmhound that he cherished. In return, Nikolai was full of questions about your life and role in Ketterdam with the Crows and you provided colorful and vivid descriptions of stories of dark danger, near death experiences and amazing adventures and heists that you enjoyed being part of greatly with your friends who you loved. Both of you talked endlessly and comfortably with each other about your lives, full of curiosity and respect for each other, eager to learn from and understand each other.

You both had lost track of time as you talked and laughed with each other as you nudged him “I’ve always wanted to be a pirate. I’ve always thought being a pirate would be so fun! Not just a pirate but a captain of the most feared pirate ship! But it’s a silly dream.”

“As a privateer, I am deeply offended at your remark, my lady.” replied Nikolai pretending to be offended as he grinned easily “Why is it a silly dream?”

“Well, I’m not a pirate. I don’t know how to sail. I don’t have a ship. Pirates are not taken kindly by pompous privateers.” you retorted with a teasing grin as your eyes twinkled with good humor making Nikolai laugh in amusement “And I can’t leave Ketterdam.”

Nikolai knew that she truly meant that she couldn’t leave Kaz Brekker and looked at her with a smooth and sincere smile “I’ll teach you how to sail one day. We’ll go out on the ocean and have our great adventure. And one day, I have a feeling you’ll become an infamous pirate who everyone knows of. And don’t worry love, I hope you become a pirate because when you conquer the seas and try to attack me... I’ll be on my knees begging for you.”

You blushed bright red at what Nikolai implied as you found no proper sentence in your brain that had stopped functioning as you finally snapped to a grinning devilish Nikolai “Do you - stop doing that!”

“What? I like it when you blush.” replied Nikolai wearing an innocent expression but his eyes were twinkling with a devilish gleam. “You would look so amazing in a pirate’s outfit...”

You snorted in amusement as you shook your head at Nikolai “You have a set of strange kinks rooted in deep seated desires, don’t you?”

Nikolai’s eyes glimmered in amusement “I am more than happy to demonstrate my list of kinks to you.”

“No, thank you, please torture someone else.” you replied coolly as you shuddered while Nikolai threw his head back in laughter.

“Well, I could do that but it’s so fun to torture you.” replied Nikolai playfully as he blushed when you brushed against him, his skin setting on fire with desire and longing.

“Bold last words for a man who is about to lose his spleen.” you replied darkly as you glared at a laughing Nikolai trying your best to scowl but you found your lips twitching into a small smile.

Nikolai shot a challenging look to you “You don’t even know where my spleen is.”

“Don’t test me, prat. You’re tempting me to prove you wrong.” you said with a wicked grin as you stepped toward him with glimmers of danger sparkling in your eyes.

Nikolai stepped back as he placed his hands in surrender and fell to his knees “Oh Captain Y/L/N, please spare my spleen and my life! In exchange, I’ll give my heart to you!”

“You are absolutely ridiculous!” you exclaimed trying to hide your blushing face as you tossed your hair and started to walk away. “Absolutely mental!”

“You always walk away when we have an emotional moment, darling!” exclaimed Nikolai loudly and dramatically while you controlled your amused and delighted laughter as he ran toward you trying to catch up with you.

You shoved him lightly and playfully as you shook your head at him fondly as he said after a moment of silence “Do you think that’s your new dream? Being a pirate?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” you said softly as you were lost in thought “All I know is being a spy. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Good spies don’t let anyone they are spies.” said Nikolai cleverly as he looked at you.

You winked at him “The greatest one don’t need to hide themselves. It’s up to you to play the game with us.”

“You can never trust a spy. And a spy can never trust anyone. It must be a lonely existence to be detached from the rest of the world.” said Nikolai honestly and smartly as he looked at your serious and solemn expression.

“No. That’s where everyone gets it wrong.” you said with a clever smirk as you looked at Nikolai who raised his eyebrows in curiosity “The best spies have a trick... a trick that always helps them win in the end.”

“What is it?”

“Now if I told you, I wouldn’t be much of a spy, would I?”

The trick was to figure out who could be trusted in this world. Trust is a double edged sword. It could be used to your advantage when needed. You had learned that it is a lonely existence to live without trusting anyone because to live without trusting anyone meant to live without people who would back you up when you were in trouble. That’s what most people got wrong. They believed trusting no one protected them. Knowing who to trust and when to use that trust to your advantage, that’s what truly protected and empowered you.

“Can I trust you?” queried Nikolai curiously with a twinkle in his hazel eyes.

“If you like.” you answered vaguely with a playful smile as you looked over at him with an amused twinkle in your eyes.

Nikolai knew about you through what Nina had told him and he wanted to know more about you “Nina says you’re one of the best spies she’s ever known. Why do you like being a spy?”

“Well, you can always pull the grandest con, and perform dazzling magic tricks to steal what’s most precious to people... their secrets while flirting with life and death and being absolutely forgettable to the people who have the memory span of goldfish.” you said airily and calmly with a clever and witty smirk that amazed and enchanted Nikolai who could see your charm, beauty and cleverness played a part in making you a spy who could get away with anything.

“Is this a con?” asked Nikolai feeling slightly insecure because he believed that you wouldn’t lie to him but your nature as a spy and his position as a king put them both in an awkward position.

To his surprise, you weren’t mad and offended but grinned “Finally, you’re thinking like a real king would. You tell me... do I seem like someone who would trick you?”

“You seem like someone who enjoys tricking anyone as long as you are in charge of your own fate.” replied Nikolai lightly and perceptively, his hazel eyes burning with longing and admiration as he looked at you.

You looked at him in surprise as you nodded in agreement “You do know me.”

“You still didn’t answer my question. Is this... our relation - friendship real?” demanded Nikolai, his voice slightly wavering in insecurity and uncertainty even though he still held onto the belief you wouldn’t trick him but the ghosts of his past haunted him.

You realized this was important to Nikolai as you took a step toward him and placed your hands on his shoulders, your eyes intense and sincere as you whispered softly “You are... you, Nikolai Lantsov... is the only person who I don’t want to be dishonest with. You terrify me because you are the only person who makes me feel like a girl who is seen... not a spy who hides away wearing different masks.”

Nikolai couldn’t breathe, he was certain he was having a cardiac arrest. Maybe this was a dream... a really good dream that he didn’t want to wake up from. This couldn’t be real because there you were holding him as he inhaled the soft notes of your perfume that haunted him, as you looked at him earnestly and sincerely with complete vulnerability as you told him nothing but the truth. He couldn’t describe the relief and joy that flooded him as he heard those blessed words fall from your lips, glad that this was real... not a trick cruelly played on him.

“You’re beautiful.” whispered Nikolai breathlessly as he stared at you adoringly and reverently, because you were his Saint who he worshipped and believed in “You are absolutely divine.”

You felt your heart stop and your breath quicken at how intensely adoringly and affectionately Nikolai was gazing at you as if he had never seen anyone and anything as beautiful as you are as you felt self conscious and shy full of denial “Nikolai...”

“No, don’t you dare say that you are not beautiful. I only wish you could see what I see, Y/N.” whispered Nikolai huskily and softly as he reached to slowly caress your cheek, igniting shivers that ran down your spine as you held your breath “You are so enchanting that I feel you’re a Goddess in an impossible dream that the Saints have chosen to torment me, you dangerous girl.”

You couldn’t breathe or think but only felt Nikolai worship you with all consuming reverence and admiration, overwhelming adoration and affection that was only reserved for beautiful Goddesses and pretty princesses. You felt fragile and beautiful, precious and important as your eyes fluttered shut to feel and live in this moment that felt so wrong because Nikolai was your friend and yet, selfishly, you wanted something more from him.

You didn’t understand this feeling.

Your eyes fluttered open as you gazed at Nikolai with curiosity and shy nervousness as he stared at you as if there was nothing compared to you and he smiled, the sight of you making him weak “Y/N... I have something to show you... something that I want to share with you.”

Perhaps you should have refused because you loved Kaz but thoughts of Kaz Brekker eluded you in that moment as you stared at Nikolai, a shy boy who offered his hand nervously yet resolutely to you, waiting hopefully for you and you smiled widely as you took his hand in yours, your fingers intertwining perfectly and gently with his fingers that held onto your hand as if he couldn’t believe this was real.

Nikolai Lantsov thought he was going to faint and die of happiness when you took his hand with that enchanting smile. Oh Saints, he was going to die before he married you if you kept looking at him with that soft and kind look in your eyes, as he felt the warmth of your hand radiate in his.

You looked at Nikolai who looked calm and composed wearing a joyful smile but internally Nikolai Lantsov was screaming happily and jumping up and down in excitement.

In companionable silence, Nikolai led you toward a stone wall with lovely white roses curling on it as an old wooden door awaited you. Nikolai opened the old wooden door that creaked with welcome and chivalrously let you enter and stepped in closing the door as you looked around the garden.

You breathed in the divine beauty of the garden that was frozen in time right where it was left. There were pillars and walls covered with green and dark vines and creepers of purple, pink and pure white flowers. There was a bubbling fountain with an ancient statue of a pretty lady holding a puppy in her arms. There was a untamed and untended wilderness of bushes and trees full of vividly wild and colorful flowers beyond your imagination that took your breath away. As you tumbled through the rusty gates and grand arches, you saw a old table with fine china tea set and napkins that had been long used covered in leaves and wilted flower crowns lying on the table. You smiled when you spotted a simple and ethereal childish tree house lodged on top of a tree. There were ponds and fountains everywhere in this vast garden and as you made your way through a garden of brightly colored cherry blossoms, you saw two swings with pretty flowers curling around the rope as they faced the view of a beautiful shimmering lake.

It was absolutely breathtaking. It was as if Nikolai had realized you were losing faith in fairytales and helped you step into this magical, ancient, wild garden that was timeless and beautiful in it’s own way, haunted by memories and ghosts.

“It’s... it’s a fairytale!” you exclaimed in amazement and wonder as you looked at Nikolai who smiled widely and softly squeezing your hand gently “Nikolai... it’s magnificent!”

“This is my secret spot. It’s special to me. This is where I come when I want to be alone.” said Nikolai quietly and sincerely as he saw you look at him in surprise and wonder “You’re the second person I’ve been here alone with.”

“Not the direction where I thought this was going.” you said lightly with a chuckle feeling surprised and moved that he brought you to a place where he wanted to be alone and slightly jealous of the person who was here with Nikolai before you.

Nikolai laughed happily as he led you to the swing where you sat down feeling childish and playful and Nikolai sat on the swing next to you, with a reminiscent and bittersweet smile, his expression thoughtful and sincere as he looked over at you as you both giggled swinging like kids on the swings.

“This used to be my favorite place in the world... this was mother’s secret garden. She suffered neglect in her marriage and wasn’t always happy but this was where she was the happiest, I believe.” said Nikolai honestly and reminiscently as the words suddenly spilled out of his mouth, remembering his mother who he had been fond of but had to exile. Nikolai didn’t notice you stiffen in surprise at the shocking revelation as you realized that this place was sacred to him. “Where we were the happiest together. She was the first person who I arrived to in this garden.”

“No one had time for me but when my mother had time for me, she’d bring me here. She used to say it was our magic garden where nothing outside mattered at all in here.” said Nikolai with bittersweet reminiscence as he stared at the shimmering lake shining under the moonlight remembering how he had given his mother heart attacks when he jumped into the lake and swam.

“We had the best times in here. I remember we used to spend hours playing hide and seek, building the tree house, laughing on these swings and having tea parties. She called me her sobachka.” said Nikolai with a fond smile as he felt the good and warm memories engulf him like a tidal wave, his heart feeling the pang of bittersweet “After I... after I exiled her because of how she violated her duty... I haven’t been here since then. But it’s just how I remember it. The fountains, the trees, the flowers, the swings... like nothing has changed. Not true, of course. Everything has changed. If I could bring my mother here, she wouldn’t recognize most of it because I haven’t had anyone touch this place. She wouldn’t recognize me.”

“I know it won’t mean much but I am sorry.” you said softly after a long moment of stunned and speechless silence where you had been shocked and moved by Nikolai’s vulnerable and real revelations of his childhood he confided in you “It must be hard.”

“It was the right thing to do for Ravka. If Ravka is to change, it must start with me.” said Nikolai steadily and strongly, no hint of vulnerability and insecurity noticeable but you observed a hint of exhaustion hidden deeply in those wonderful hazel eyes.

“Well, that’s good for the King of Ravka. But... you are Nikolai, a man with a beating heart that feels deeply.” you said quietly and observantly, gentleness and understanding etched onto your face as you looked at Nikolai “You’re only human.”

“Well, sometimes the man does contemplate on his past and feels... feels human. Fragile and breakable and remembers too much and feels too much pain. Losing my mother who really knew me meant gaining Ravka. I just didn’t know it would be this lonely and painful.” replied Nikolai as he blinked back the tears that sprung into his eyes at how you could see through his act and smiled shakily “But I try not to dwell on the past but focus on the future with hope.”

You didn’t have any words for him because you were not certain that any amount of words could comfort him as you stayed silent patting his back gently as he brushed away his tears “I didn’t come here after the war. I didn’t want anything changed in this garden. I don’t know why.”

“Well, it’s because this garden is sacred to you. It’s full of memories with your mother who you loved and didn’t live up to your expectations. The only person who knew and accepted you at the time. You’re holding onto her the only way you can... you’re holding onto the pain and grief because that’s all you have left.” you said sincerely and softly after a long moment of silence as your hand rubbed his back gently, your eyes warm and understanding repeating Nikolai’s words to him.

Nikolai who was stunned at how you put his feelings into words properly found himself smiling brightly through his tears “I love it when you quote me.”

You both chuckled as silence reigned over you and you quietly reached over and slowly took his hand in yours surprising him. You held his hand in yours tenderly and gently, hoping he would understand that you were there for him as you smiled warmly at him, giving him hope and courage.

“This is the first time I’ve been here since exiling my mother... with you. I wanted - I’ve hidden this place for so long but I wanted to share it with you.” confessed Nikolai sincerely with a rosy blush as he stared at you adoringly and reverently with a warm smile “Sometimes the bitter past is sweeter when you share it with a very special person.”

You couldn’t stop smiling happily as you squeezed Nikolai’s hand tightly because this felt precious to you. This was Nikolai laying down his armor and letting down his guard with you as he shared something incredibly intimate and sacred to him with you. It felt as if Nikolai trusted you with his heart to show and tell you something so private and special and you felt honored. You promised yourself you wouldn’t break this trust that felt precious and beautiful. It was nice that he had shown who he was rather than who he pretended to be to everyone.

You were rendered speechless with emotion and Nikolai gazed at you with a warm smile “I want you to have this garden. This is yours as much as it is mine now.”

You began to protest because this was Nikolai’s sacred place and you couldn’t take something so precious to him when he shook his head and silenced you “Please. Don’t say anything. Just know that this garden is yours to enjoy now.”

You felt touched as your heart filled up with such emotion at how Nikolai easily made you feel important. It was as if he was gifting a piece of him to you hoping that you would cherish and protect it. As both of you sat in swings, swinging in silence occasionally talking and laughing with each other. Nikolai felt the air grow colder as the sky grew dark with storm clouds but he didn’t want this night to ever end. And he knew he would regret it for the rest of the life if he didn’t say these next words.

“Y/N... it would give me the greatest pleasure if you could do me the honor of - uh - um -” stuttered Nikolai nervous and shy as he gazed hopefully at your beautiful and kind face full of curiosity and anticipation, your eyes dancing with mischief and surprise as you looked at him make a fool of himself in front of you “Uh - that is to say - I want - I mean, will you do the honor of -”

Okay, this was going terribly and Nikolai wanted the earth to open and swallow him as he saw you raise your eyebrows at him. You probably thought he was having a stroke.

You looked at him softly in pleasant surprise and hope, your eyes full of light and warmth as you completed what he had begun “Dance with you?”

“Yes... that’s exactly it!” exclaimed Nikolai letting out a breath of relief feeling like a complete idiot in front of you because the corners of your lips twitched slightly but your eyes were full of fondness and surprise “Will you please dance with me?”

You grinned brightly as you nodded your head in agreement. Nikolai’s hands were shaking as he placed his hand gently on your waist. He had to force himself to stop screaming in joy when you held his hand and placed your other hand on his shoulder, as he felt breathless at how close both of you were. The light distant notes of the music in the ball echoed as both of you started to dance together.

You wanted to look away but there was something so magnetic and enticing about Nikolai, something that you hadn’t seen before. You had danced before as you remembered how you had attacked Nina who was a phenomenal dancer to teach you how to dance for your first mission. Nina had been surprised as to why you wanted to learn how to dance quickly but she had taught you well along with Jesper. You remembered how Nina would instruct you over and over again while Matthias encouraged you, Jesper and Inej teased you while Wylan played the piano as Kaz’ lips twitched in amusement at how spectacularly you were failing.

You had become quite a proficient and graceful dancer in time thanks to Nina’s and Jesper’s tutoring. For your missions you had danced many times at different galas and balls with countless partners who didn’t have any rhythm or pushed you around the dance floor instead of guiding you. You had never danced with someone that wanted to truly dance with you and cherish the moment. You had never experienced this thrilling, enchanting feeling of being wanted and safe in someone’s arms while spinning and twirling.

You didn’t understand why Nikolai was smiling at you so beautifully and why you felt so safe in his arms.

“What are you doing?” you asked Nikolai because you wanted him to undo whatever he was doing to you.

“Dancing with you, love.” said Nikolai with a bright grin that made your heart pound in excitement and thrill.

“Why aren’t you dancing with the rest of the princesses who are waiting for you?” you queried careful to keep any hint of jealousy or hurt you might have felt out of your voice.

“Because I only want to dance with you.” said Nikolai softly and gently with such sincerity and earnestness that you were rendered speechless and then his eyes twinkled in delight “Though I must admit, I am flattered you granted me this dance. I observed you breaking the hearts of every eligible gentlemen at the ball tonight by refusing to dance with them.”

You scowled making Nikolai grin in amusement as he spun you around as you said “They didn’t really want me. And besides, I didn’t want to dance with any of those men with terrible breath and egos larger than their dicks.”

Nikolai couldn’t stop laughing outright as tears of delight and happiness sprung into his eyes “You have such a unique way of saying things. A poet in your own right.”

You laughed as he drew you closer to you as you felt dizzy in a good way. His touch on your waist, his hand holding yours radiated comfort and warmth, a promise of safety that was never going to be broken. You didn’t feel as if you were guided by him, Nikolai was a good dancer who had perfect rhythm and didn’t push you around the floor. Dancing with Nikolai felt as if you were floating on air, your feet light and blissful as you craved for more, wanting to dance with him under the moonlight forever.

You both could hear the distant melody echoing from the palace ballroom as a singer’s voice crooned from a distance “No, I won't be afraid, no, I won't be afraid just as long as you stand, stand by me.”

You could feel your heart beat fast as you looked at Nikolai who held you like a promise as he looked at you with such staggering affection and sincerity twirling you around as he caught you in his arms with a gentle and loving smile as the singer crooned “So darlin', darlin', stand by me. Oh, stand by me Oh, stand Stand by me, stand by me.”

This moment felt intimate and quietly blissful. You looked at him and saw his face expressing nothing but steadfast promise to always be there for you no matter what. A lump of emotion formed in your throat and you knew in that moment that this ridiculous, beautiful, wonderful boy would always have you and nothing could ever change the fact that you would stand by him.

Nikolai felt blessed as a man to hold you in his arms and dance with you tonight as you smiled at him with that smile you smiled when you felt truly happy and content. He had never felt this way about anyone. Nikolai cherished this moment as you rested your head on his chest, swaying gently and Nikolai swore his heart beat skyrocketed at the fact that the woman he loved, who was incomparable and wonderful was in his arms resting his head on his chest.

You took in a deep breath as you looked at Nikolai shyly “I’ve never done this before.”

Nikolai was confused “Danced?”

“No. I mean, I’ve danced with plenty of men who think they are the greatest of all time. But I mean, I’ve always danced for missions, for the purpose of completing a task. I’ve never had the pleasure of enjoying and having fun at a dance... I’ve never danced with someone I like who likes me back.” you confessed feeling foolish and shy as you averted your gaze at the last moment, blushing at confiding your little secret to Nikolai.

“Then I shall endeavor to make this night unforgettable.” said Nikolai honestly and gladly, happy that this was the first time you were dancing properly for fun without any purpose and it was with him. You had chosen him. “May I ask what’s made you like me?”

You shot him an exasperated glare that made him smirk widely in amusement “Really? I can’t believe you. I might just step on your feet.”

“You wouldn’t do - OW, SAINTS MY FEEBLE FOOT!” exclaimed Nikolai who had begun teasing you but regretted it the very moment your high heel poked him in the foot very sharply “Alright, it’s a mercy all those men survived dancing with you.”

Nikolai regretted the words slipping out of his mouth because the moment he said that, your high heels stamped him with vengeance “OWW - FOR THE LOVE OF RAVKA - HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE TO STEP ON AND INCAPACITATE BOTH OF MY FEET, WOMAN?”

“I’m really enjoying this dance. It’s so fun!” you exclaimed with a wide grin amused and delighted at Nikolai’s dramatic reactions and you grinned brightly when he shot you a childish and petulant look.

“Oh yes, laugh at my pain. You sadistic she - devil, you enjoy others pain so much.” retorted Nikolai surly trying to be serious and petulant but you were laughing outrageously and his lips twitched happily “My poor, poor, feet.”

“You are a war hero and you cannot survive this dance?” you queried sweetly as you batted your eyelashes.

“You remind me of a cavalry horse who stepped on the feet of officers who he didn’t like.” said Nikolai as he nursed the pain in his foot and then realized the ungentlemanly tone of what he had said as he quickly scrambled “I beg your pardon Y/N, I didn’t mean to imply you were heavier than a cavalry horse -”

But you were laughing in amusement as you shook your head fondly at Nikolai. You felt really happy and alive and wondered how many moments in your life you felt this incandescently happy. You remembered the memories with the Crows where you felt the thrill of undertaking a new adventure, the moments shared with Kaz that you thought meant something but this moment with Nikolai felt very different and special to you than the rest of them.

The lightning flashed in the night sky and the drops of rain began to relentlessly fall down upon you. You couldn’t help but smile as you hugged Nikolai in happiness as you felt the raindrops soak you thoroughly but you didn’t care as you and Nikolai laughed and danced in the rain. Thunder grumbled and lightning flashed as the storm raged on but you both were perfectly happy as you ran through the gardens childishly and laughed happily and danced joyfully and happily in each other’s arms because there was nowhere else you both would rather be.

And late into the morning as both of you stumbled into the castle giggling and Nikolai walked you to the palace, his coat draped over you, you realized you hadn’t thought of Kaz Brekker at all when you were with Nikolai and most importantly, you didn’t now care as much as you did before. It felt strange and new as you looked at Nikolai rambling about a new invention of his and your lips tugged into a soft smile at how your cheeks were aching from smiling and your stomach hurt from laughing so much. You had missed being happy.

Perhaps every long lost dream and every time your heart broke was a northern star that had guided and led you to Nikolai Lantsov, the man who had a heart full of kindness and love.

You didn’t want to think about falling in love again, but you were glad to have a true friend who understood you in ways that no one ever did.

And when Nikolai saw you off at your chamber, you looked at him with a strange and quiet look in your eyes as you said “Thank you. For tonight. It was everything.”

Nikolai smiled enchantingly as his eyes twinkled with affection and longing for you “You are welcome. But I must thank you for making this ball the best night of my life.”

“Go inside and get warm. I don’t want you catching a cold.” said Nikolai fussing over you as he took his handkerchief and started to use it as a towel as he scrubbed your hair in worry trying to dry it while you snapped at him and freed yourself.

“Oh stop fussing!”

“Oh, pardon me if I didn’t want you to get sick!”

You laughed as you looked at Nikolai gratefully and warmly as you suddenly threw your arms around him and hugged him tightly because there was this very warm and happy, aching and loud emotions flooding into you as you whispered to a very surprised Nikolai who hugged you back “I think I finally believe in Saints.”

Nikolai held you protectively and caringly in his arms as he whispered huskily “Why?”

“Because they led me straight to you, Nikolai Lantsov.” you whispered softly and reverently, your voice full of emotion in a sacred prayer, a whispered secret uttered in a room.

Nikolai felt breathless and speechless as his brain stopped functioning for a moment as he processed what you meant as you buried your head on his shoulder for a moment because if you didn’t want to let him go at all and wanted to stay in his arms forever where it felt safe and right and real.

But you broke out of the embrace as you looked at a stunned and speechless Nikolai, his eyes shining with glimmer of joy and hope as you leaned up and pressed a soft and sweet kiss on his cheek, your lips lingering on his skin very briefly and then smiled “Good night, Nikolai. Sleep well.”

Nikolai stood outside your door frozen in shock because you had just proclaimed that you believed in Saints because of him and had kissed him on the cheek. His hand hovered over the spot where your lips had softly and briefly lingered, his cheek growing warm as he replayed that moment in his head over and over again. He was grinning widely like a fool, frozen in time and swore never to wash his face again because he didn’t want your kiss to be washed away. Everything was just perfect and beautiful and magical in the world because Nikolai had the most magical night with the woman he loved. And now, he dared to truly hope that you might have feelings for him too.

Nikolai wanted to scream from the rooftops. Nikolai wanted to dance joyfully. Nikolai wanted to run. But he felt it all as he stood frozen for a long time outside your door.

After a few moments, Zoya came marching through the corridors and fumes were coming out of her ears when she saw Nikolai soaked wet, standing frozen as she scolded him “YOUR MAJESTY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? You were completely missing, no note! You could have died! You could have - Nikolai? Nikolai? Saints, you’re not moving! Are you alright? What happened?”

Nikolai grinned loopily, looking like an insane lunatic “My dreams are coming true!”

Zoya raised her eyebrows at Nikolai wondering if he had slipped and knocked his head hard when she realized that he was standing in front of your chambers and Zoya had to resist the urge to gasp out loud in surprise as she replied calmly “Nikolai... what the -”

“She kissed my cheek, Zoya!” exclaimed Nikolai letting out a squeal of delight and Zoya shushed him immediately because she didn’t want him waking you up “Aaaargghh! I can’t believe it!”

Zoya dragged a lovestruck Nikolai who was over the moon away from your chambers as he mumbled and waxed poetic about how divine your eyes were but Zoya hid a smug smile as she muttered under her breath “I’m winning that bet, Nina.”

And Nikolai Lantsov who was absolutely enchanted by you would toss and turn restlessly in his bed until he sunk into a deep slumber bewitched by beautiful and sweet dreams of you.

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