#larrie since birth

[pop-punklouis]

are you still a larrie? like actively believe HL are together?

this was my paternity results when i was born, grey

[studiousbotanist]

huntress match yaaaay huntress match fun wheeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!! hahahahah A!!! THROWING HATCHETS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i got lerys after having got it before, when my internet crashed and i had much better survivors this tim eit was so funny i . me and the bill had a moment when he was body blocking for tapp at the end, i looked at him, he looked at me and shook his head, and i nodded and then vaulted the window right by him ....... hatchet party at exit gate

[tertiaryunit]

I have never seen this movie but reading the synopsis gave me the idea to give Lawrence some “daily wear” that references it. It would be so fitting lmao 

[bomber-grl]

Sal Fisher Affection hc ! ₊˚⊹

Pairing(s): Sal Fisher x Gn! reader

Hes so sweet 😭

As I’ve previously established

I honestly think sals love language would be quality time or words of affirmation

(Definitely words of affirmation)

If you ever had any concern or thing that was weighing on your mind Sal would most definitely reassure you

And successfully at that

I’m sure many would believe being around someone who compliments you all the time would feel insincere and not genuine

But Sal manages to convey his sincerity each time and again

He of course loves spending time with you too

He just loves being around you and just your presence overall

Sal is open with affection and it’s never really bothered him

Well, atleast it was that way when you were friends.

When you two became a couple he’d freeze up and would fluster a bit when being confronted with more romantic gestures

hes still open and willing to receive and give affection

As I’ve stated, Sal really enjoys your company

It’s one of his favorite things and when you first start dating in highschool you guys often spend time in his room and just cuddle there

It became a habit that transcended into your young adult years.

He was of course hesitant when cuddling but soon relaxed and realized there was no reason to be so panicked, he learned that he really enjoyed being in your arms.

When/if you date in highschool then if your identity isn’t what you were assigned at birth and you show pda whether it’s a quick peck on sals mask or a warm hug

(Or if you’re a guy, same as Sal)

Then Travis is your number one hater

He sees that and calls you guys slurs (obviously)

He’s mostly insignificant especially when you poke fun at him and say stuff that riles him up that ultimately drives him away.

The friend group can be a bit teasing at times

Especially when Ashley catches Sal inching his hand towards yours and you intertwining them

Ash automatically forces Larry to look and they’re just so supportive

Same with sinjin- I mean Todd

(Sorry I got that from Twaimz when he played Sally face live 😭)

Even then, you two often hug and cuddle a lot

More often than not passerby’s will see you sitting down with a doting sal leaning his head on you

Or vise versa

Ok so we all know Sal is absolutely reluctant to removing his mask in public

However, in private he feels more comfortable

Especially since you’re not only friends, but dating now.

It was only a matter of time that kissing would come into the conversation

Your guys first kiss would go two ways

The first being planned by the both of you

Or just spontaneous

Either way it’s very awkward yet sweet! 😭

The first way would be when you and Sal were just casually hanging out

His dad was out and that left the two of you guys alone

(I envision your first kiss would be when you’re in high school)

You and Sal had obvious wanted to kiss each other for awhile

And although you’d kiss him on the forehead, knuckles, and on his mask

Mostly because you’d forget his cheek was covered, sometimes not

Regardless, you both felt ready and Sal had invited you over

It was so painfully awkward ngl but regardless he took his mask off and y’all kissed

He was honestly nervous and a bit hesitant cuz although he knew you wouldn’t mind he still couldn’t shake off the feeling that you wouldn’t like it.

He even asked you if it was good enough 😭😭😭😭

The second scenario would be natural except when you forget Sal still has his mask on and you both get awkward especially since you accidentally kissed his mask.

It’s still sweet tho cuz you can actually see him being bashful instead of picking up on it from his voice and body language.

Sal is such a sweet guy and is always asking if it’s fine to hug or kiss you

Not always verbally, mostly stopping and giving you a chance to run away lol

But ofc you never do

I mean, it’s Sal fisher

Cmon now

[sadaveniren]

Why none of this matters

Sada's Yearly Post Christmas BG round up I guess?

A study of 2015 (since we've lost a lot of resources since BG started)

Shit from 2015 with Evidence

1. She got a nose job while pregnant

Left: the “night” of the conception*. Right: her at the London 1D show in September, “pregnant”

*Louis didn't go home with Briana she instead spent the night with Calvin, Ashley and Oli (the two were dating) and there’s a pillow fight video of the four of them while Louis "slept upstairs" that @luckyagain found 🤗🤗

2. The Disappearing Christmas bump

Left: Briana on Christmas 2015 (8 months) Right: Lottie in July 2022.

3. The only bare bump pic we got of her… with her 2016 face

4. She didn't even use her own pictures to post her baby belly

Left: Picture of "her" pregnant belly with no mole. Right picture of her stomach post pregnancy with a mole (also, this is just me but while you may be able to convince me there is a belly button piercing with no jewelry on the pregnant belly, as someone who had a belly button piercing AND a pregnancy that's.... the right picture is not what that looked like post pregnancy)

Shit I can't find evidence for* but I saw with my own fucking eyes

1. The fucking changing timeline of her pregnancy in the early dats (10 weeks to 12 weeks pregnant after we bitched about it being too early)

2. Is it a girl? Is it a boy? The Clarks sure don’t know and also Briana did have a baby show- wait no she didn't have baby shower. No baby shower for Briana.

*probably because i didn't bother to reblog it at the time because 2015 was fucking wild and I honestly didn't think I'd need to - you know - archive EVERYTHING. And the few people who did have since deleted/were deleted by tumblr 🙃

Shit that isn't "evidence" but always bears repeating

It's not real

2. Dirty Dancing Tweet and one of the subplots of Dirty Dancing is a pregnancy thing.

3. The! Pregnancy! Announcement! Was! About! Larry!

4. Were they friends? Were they enemies? Who knows! Not us!

5. This was 2016 but GOD THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Her post partum attire was WILDLY inconsistent with someone who just gave birth.

I will forever die at the thought of wearing a fucking mini skirt* so many days post partum holy shit.

*reminder the time period post her birth was convoluted as all hel probably to try and get us confused and mixed up in the future (no i don't think they intended bg to go on this long)

And ultimately... even if you can excuse all that, just remember, she literally can't be the exception for everything.

Thank you for your time please enjoy some of the stuff I wrote about last year:

Believe in the Douis break up rule

You're not crazy or dumb or weakfor being frustrated for this

Try not to let shit affect you!

Some more long posts I made last year

Remember! Time is BG's best friend because people end up forgetting a lot of shit that's happened!

[lesbianrobin]

sorry have we as ace attorney enjoyers ever discussed the implications behind phoenix knowing larry since literal birth or

[signed-loni]

How they react to you being pregnant!

Characters include : Sal Fisher, Larry Johnson, larry isnt in this, and im working on his part rn :)

everyones alive in this, and its AGED UP ofc so sal isn’t a murderer in this :)

Sal

When i tell you this man is in a state of shock with a mixture of happiness, he almost passes out.

Its such an overwhelming feeling for sal to know that he and you created a mini human

You and him both, ofc, told EVERYONE.

Im talkin Larry knew, Ash knew, Todd knew, your parents knew, Lisa and Henry knew, fuck even GIZMO knew.

Everyone showered you both with praises and things like “im so proud of you both!” And some other things like “congrats!”

It made you happy to know that you and Sal were going to start a family. Ofc, you were somewhat scared, and so was Sal. But it was okay since your happiness overrode the feeling of unease:)

And trust me when i say, Sal is catering to your every need, HE IS ZOOMING AROUND THE FUCKING HOUSE TO GET YOU YOUR SLIPPERS SO YOUR FEET ARENT COLD😭

He really doesn’t mind the funny craving or the mood swings

What does kinda get him is the morning sickness

I dont portray Sal as a morning person, so waking up early in the morning to hold your hair back while you blow chunks isnt his favorite way to wake up

Nonetheless, he still does it because, its you ofc, and he loves you, like legitimately is head over heels

Every night, this man would cuddle you and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, praising you about everything you were doing. Saying things like “you’re going to be such a good mother, sweetheart”

When your water broke, this man was STRESSED. Like he was good at hiding it, but his body betrayed him and soon enough, bro was sweating BULLETS😭😭

He eased you through your labor and did those breathing exercises with you, calming you down

When the baby was born, LEMME TELL YOU, this man was so emotional that he started crying, without even fucking realizing it💀

Once you both get home, this man is doing EVERY 👏 THING👏👏👏

Feeding the baby, burping it, putting it to sleep, and to top it off, still giving you the attention and care you need (I stg he is such a fucking cinnamon roll😭)

He’s the kind of dad who plays with his child non stop. Like making it laugh, playing with the little baby toys it has, omfg its so cute🥹

When the baby said his first word? Tears.

When its first word was papa? On the floor.

When it took its first steps? Sobbing.

I swear this man is more emotional than you when you were pregnant after you gave birth🥲

He loves to show you off to Ash and Larry. Proudly boasting that you and him created a mini version of yourselves.

When the baby was born, Sal was so happy to see his baby with the same blue hair as him, it was so cute😭

Will legit do anything this kid asks. Pick it up, play with it, do its hair, and omg does he love to do its hair

Overall, Sal would be such a sweet dad, like, cavity inducing sweet😭

SORRY THIS WAS SO SHORT, I DIDNT HAVE A LOT OF IDEAS FOR THIS😭😭

[allwaswell16]

A fic rec of One Direction fan fics that have Clifford Tomlinson, the dog, featured in them as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers! You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

— Louis/Harry —

🐶 Tired Tired Sea by MediaWhore / @mediawhorefics

(M, 113k, Scotland) As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

🐶 Take a Chance on Me by velvetnoodle

(E, 96k, kid fic) the Strangers to Enemies to Friends to Lovers Roommate AU you didn’t know you needed, feat. Single Dad!Harry, Footie Coach!Louis, a precocious 9 year old, a band of meddling family members, an overly excited labradoodle, an extremely Done cat, and a Shiall wedding you’ll never forget

🐶 Just for Tonight (I can be yours) by @sadaveniren

(E, 42k, a/b/o) Harry, prince of Cestrescir, has been betrothed to Ludvic, prince of Yorvik, since birth. He'd accepted a loveless marriage as his duty to his country, until an accident threw him in the path of a gentle alpha

🐶 Marcel (series) by crimsontheory / @ireallysawanangel

(E, 36k, strangers to lovers) the one where Niall gave Marcel’s number to someone he worked with and Marcel wasn’t too pleased about it.

🐶 You Wouldn't Believe the Dream I Just Had About You & Me by @larryatendoftheday

(E, 21k, friends to lovers) After a back-to-school bash and a few too many drinks, Harry finds himself pregnant from a one-night stand he doesn’t remember. 

🐶 Absolutely Smitten by MyEnglishRose / @lwtisloved

(E, 20k, strangers to lovers) Louis is walking his dog. Harry is walking his cat. Leashes get tangled, and feelings too.

🐶 Like How I Pictured It by @parmahamlarrie

(E, 17k, friends to lovers) Louis Tomlinson hasn’t always been blind. As a child, his vision was impaired, but he had hopes that there would be years before he lost his sight completely. 

🐶 Between the forest and the field by bluegreenish / @greenblueish

(E, 16k, small town) the one where Harry recently moved to a village and his shy dog picks Louis' dogs to play with at the dog park. A fluffy cottage core AU.

🐶 Clumsy by lovelarry10 / @chloehl10

(E, 12k, strangers to lovers) when Cliff manages to trip over a handsome stranger, on Valentine’s Day of all days, it might just be the start of something new and exciting...

🐶 Somebody Get Me Through This Nightmare by @lululawrence

(NR, 11k, neighbors) “I am not subjecting you to my poor dog in his moment of vulnerability!” Louis cried. “That would be cruel to you, but also to Clifford.”

🐶 good, good graces by @muldxr

(E, 10k, dom/sub) the one where Harry's boyfriend Louis gets a new puppy and frequently tells the dog how he's a good boy. Harry gets jealous and decides to show Louis how much of a good boy he can be.

🐶 Just the Start by @littleroverlouis

(M, 9k, older characters) Louis is a fifty-two year old divorcé who has fallen into rut. He never anticipated a forced day of self care, and a chance meeting with a charming salon owner would shake him out of his comfort zone.

🐶 I Roll 'til I Change My Luck by larry_hiatus / @larry-hiatus

(T, 8k, friends to lovers) When Louis reveals to his Tinder matches that he uses a wheelchair and has a service dog, things tend to get even more complicated. 

🐶 Warm Chilling by Larry_you_know / @larryyouknow

(G, 7k, neighbors) Louis moves into a cosy cottage in the English countryside with his dog Clifford to look after his great-aunt's animals. 

🐶 Wanted: Dog Walker by YesIsAWorld / @louandhazaf

(G, 6k, neighbors) Louis needs a dog walker. Harry answers the ad.

🐶 Love on the b(rain) by TeamLouis / @teamlouis2023

(G, 4k, misunderstandings) During a stormy night, when Louis realizes that his precious dog has escaped the house, he has no other choice than calling his ex-husband.

🐶 To the late night double feature show by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

(NR, 2k, Halloween) “Sorry!” says someone. "I just wanted to know if I could pet your dog?”

🐶 Safe Like Springtime by cherrylarry / @beelou

(G, 1k, meet cute) the one where Harry takes his nephew to the park and runs into Louis and his Labradoodle Clifford.

— Rare Pairs —

🐶 Longer Night by @turnyourankle

(E, 2k, Louis/Luke Malak) What happened after the 'Long day' photo was taken? Probably this.

🐶 acrobatic blood by Anonymous 

(G, 2k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw) “Thought you’d gone home,” Nick croaks miserably. Louis rolls his eyes. “This is my home, dickhead.” A coming out fic.

🐶 Next Door by @allwaswell16

(NR, 2k, Louis/Rob Pattinson) When a stray cat starts coming round Louis' garden and bothering his dog, Louis and his best friend set out to capture it.

[my-own-walker]

im so sorry it wouldn't let me answer you abt the tate langdon ask, pre death please and thank u

I Can't Handle Change

note: it's been so long since i wrote anything tate. this should be fun!!

summary: pre-death tate gets comfort from the reader after a fight with his mom 🥺

warnings: sad angsty tate, kissing lol,

+++

Little things wore Tate down over time.

He once told me that he spent a whole afternoon picking fresh lilacs and daffodils out of his mother's garden, arranging them into the prettiest bouquet for her. He was 11. If you truly let that sink in, it's astounding that an 11-year-old boy was sweet enough to do that for his mom. Her response to the gesture was to shout at him about ruining all the hard work she'd put into the gardening.

She threw the handmade bunch into the trash right in front of him. Held his head straight to make him watch and all. The pretty purple and yellow petals crashed down into the can with a thunk.

Their relationship didn't change. Especially when Larry came into their lives. Constance was an interesting woman. She was in no way fit to mother the children she birthed. Her narcissistic tendencies drew her to do things to the children that made them resent her. It seemed she resented them right back.

Tate and Constance were constantly at war with each other over the whole Larry thing. He didn't know what he wanted, but it for sure wasn't a new dad. Nothing could truly fill the void inside of him. If anything, his mother and Larry were working in tandem to dig even more out of his soul, shoveling heaps of it out of him and discarding it right before his eyes. Just like Constance did with the flowers.

When I came along things changed for Tate. We met in school. I'd spend afternoons at his place. Somewhere along the way we started dating. He possessed this all-encompassing love within him. Since he was a child, its tendrils reached out, longing for someone to latch onto to disseminate the intense feeling. He was a lover, but also the child of someone with no room for real love in her life.

I embraced his need for connection. His intensity. Tate was emotional and strong-willed. The love he gave me was the warm embrace that you crave on winter's coldest nights. It was slippery quicksand, pulling me in with no regard for my control.

She hated me, Constance. She didn't like my presence. My effect on her 'beautiful boy.' It was a game of cat and mouse. She didn't want his love, but she wanted him to keep trying. The thrill of rejecting him intoxicated her. When I came into Tate's life, he stopped trying to connect with her. He finally found someone that would accept him.

On a rainy day in November, Constance and Tate went at it again. She expressed her intent to keep Larry in his life.

'He's your new father and you have to DEAL with it!' she screamed.

Larry watched from the corner as she slapped Tate across his face. The coward didn't even say a word. No mother should be hitting her son. Instead, Larry wore a smirk so devilish he could be a minion of Satan, for all anyone knew.

Tate didn't even say a word. He stormed out of the door and straight in the direction of my house. I lived two miles away. He trudged all that way in the pouring rain. When he arrived at my doorstep, he was soaked right through to the skin, shivering from the cold. He broke down on my front porch. Body-wracking sobs left his lips as he crouched down into a ball. I pulled him up by his armpits and guided him inside.

When we got to my room, I immediately stripped him of all his wet clothes and gave him some of the stuff I had stolen from his room. A sweater, some loose-fitting jeans, and a cardigan. I wrapped him in the layers, shushing him as he cried through the process. He collapsed into a heap on top of my duvet cover, face in his hands. Still shivering, he let out another heart-wrenching sob.

I hurried over to the bed and wrapped him in my embrace. His head rested on my chest and his body rested in between my legs. I sat up against the headboard, running my fingers through his hair, letting him cry it out. After some time, his cries became softer.

'Nothing I do is ever good enough,' Tate sniffed.

'You know that's not true,' I tutted. 'You are good enough.'

'No,' he whined, 'With her. In her eyes.' I knew he meant his mother. I didn't even have to ask.

'What happened, love?' I asked softly.

'It's just that ugly motherfucker again,' he sighed. 'She keeps saying he's my dad. She wants me to call him dad.' I stared off for a second not sure what to say. I kissed the top of his head.

'You shouldn't have to call him that,' I decided. He sobbed loudly again.

'She hit me, Y/N.'

I gasped and grabbed his head, turning it to make him look at me. And there it was, clear as day. A welt forming over his eye. I couldn't believe I didn't notice it earlier.

'I ignore him now. I don't insult him. I stay away. But now she wants me to call him dad,' he cried. 'Nothing I do is ever good enough. She knows I can't handle change.'

'Oh, baby. I am so sorry,' I whispered. Looking into his glassy eyes, I saw a brokenness I had never seen before. She went too far, as she always did. I kissed the tip of his nose. 'I'm sure that feels great, huh?' I half-laughed, sardonically, running my thumb gently over his swollen face.

His hand reached up and wiped my cheek. I didn't even realize I had started crying, too. I loved him so much and hated to see him hurting.

'Please, don't worry about me,' I said softly. 'I just cry when you cry. I'm a big dork.'

'I love you so much, Y/N,' he rasped.

'I love you more,' I replied. He sat up more so his face was level with mine. Leaning in, he kissed me delicately. He always kissed me so tenderly, his soft lips caressing mine so beautifully. Tate truly meant his kisses. They had intentions behind them. It was his way of saying 'thank you,' or 'I love you.' None of his kisses were meaningless.

The tenderness dissolved into a passion. We had this insatiable need to be closer to one another. We stayed like this for what felt like forever. Kissing in our mutual bliss. His ever-present need to give love and be loved in return was being fulfilled.

And with that, the broken parts of him began to heal again.

+++

Quickie but a goodie! Thank you for this request. I like writing Tate. He's a moody lil boy.

[drops-of-moonlights]

And the second batch of tonight is the Koopalings! FOR WHICH I HAVE A LOT OF WORDS SO YEAH LOL.

The Koopalings are kids that Bowser used to babysit when he was a teenager, as a sort of "prep for when he became king" (in actuality the other nobles just dumped the kids on him during their alone times lol). Larry is Ludwig's younger brother, Wendy and Roy are also siblings, but the other three aren't related. The older kids liked to make fun of how much of a worrywart Bowser was with them by calling him "dad" but they stopped around Junior's birth so as to not confuse the kid later on. (Junior still looks up to them as surrogate older siblings tho) they're also all different ages - Larry is 19, Lemmy is 20, Iggy is 21, Wendy is 23, Roy and Morton are 25, Ludwig is 26.

Larry I did not change all that much, I leaned into him being the more eager during sport games to make him a jock, currently in Koopa University with a tennis scholarship. Since he's the closest in age to Junior he's the one he tends to spend the most time with.

I changed Lemmy's hairstyle because the mohawk + rattail combo was too 80's for me and it was hell to draw so rainbow hair in a ponytail is my compromise lol. He's part of a local performing troupe and has honed his acrobat skills accordingly, sometimes getting top billing on shows.

Wendy got a bit more of a glowup than the rest lol - she has hair now and made her scales a bit darker to match Roy. She's studying to become a professional interior designer and decorator and has a side job as lifeguard.

As for Iggy, he works as a mechanic for the numerous Kart tournaments and considers himself the top kart designer and creator due to the speed at which he can finish his projects, flaunting his superiority which earns him the ire of his coworkers constantly. He's quick to accept criticism, though.

Morton runs a building and demolition company alongside Spike as co-owner, and has the most stable job out of all Koopalings sans Ludwig. He takes good care of his crew and is in charge of first aid alongside his planning and building work.

Roy for the most part works as a DJ in 3 different nightclubs, and can be summed up as "If Blanche Deveraux from Golden Girls was a man in his mid-20's" aka a bit of a slut. Despite this he has a degree in electricity and electronics, he just doesn't use it much except for quick fixes around his house and for friends.

Lastly, Ludwig is a permanent orchestral director and composer at Koopa Theatre, and likes to boast of the many plays he has composed for. He does sometimes go to Roy for advice when he hits a creative block, as he is so classically-trained deviating from that is hard for him and he doesn't all his work to sound the same.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Choir: ♪ Holy infant So tender and mild ♪

John: Wait, who describes an infant as mild?

Ted: Yeah, I'm more hung up on tender.

John: Yeah, somebody's eating this baby.

Priest: It's important that we remember just why we celebrate Christmas. We observe the holiest of all days to rejoice in the glory of the birth of Jesus Christ, born not from the seed of man but from divine origin. Never before or since have we, God's children, been blessed by such a miracle.

Ted: Excuse me. Yeah, over here. Hi. Ted, local bear. You're talking about a guy who came alive out of nowhere, right?

Priest: Yes.

Ted: Yeah, me.

Priest: I'm sorry?

Ted: I'm just saying, he's not the only one.

Priest: I don't think that's the same thing.

Ted: Well, you said, never before or since. But… You know, this guy.

Priest: The birth of Christ was a heavenly miracle.

Ted: I mean, what do you call this? I mean, I don't see any Pound Puppies or Monchhichis walking around.

Priest: Christ's birth was clearly ordained by God, marked by the star of Bethlehem, a miraculous beacon from the heavens.

John: There was a star there. Ted: There was a star, right?

John: Yeah, no, it was a shooting star.

Ted: I had a star. John: Yeah.

Priest: Jesus had a divine purpose. God sent him to us to spread the word that He loves us.

Ted (recorded voice): "I love you."

Ted: Your move, Friar Tuck.

Priest: I just want to finish the sermon.

Ted: I'm just saying, I might be Jesus. Might. I'm not saying for sure. I'm just saying it's a possibility. I might be Jesus.

Priest: That is incredibly disrespectful.

Ted: Says the guy eating babies.

-

John: OK, we can't read this whole thing.

Ted: Well, if we're gonna figure out if I'm actually Jesus, we at least got to skim it.

John: I have never seen pages so thin.

Ted: I know. It's like Kleenex with boring stories on it.

John: You know, I was thinking. How do we know that Dennis isn't Jesus?

Ted: Johnny, Jesus walked on water, all right? Walked! That means he had feet, not wheels.

John: Yeah, that makes sense.

Ted: Oh, wait, hang on. Stop right there. Look, look, look. Matthew 21:31, "Truly I say to you, the tax collectors and prostitutes go into the kingdom of heaven before you." Look at that. Jesus hangs out with hookers.

John: Yeah, and he says there's hookers in heaven too. He sounds a lot like you.

Ted: Oh, yeah, heaven is probably mostly hookers.

John: Wait, so you're paying for sex in heaven?

Ted: You're not paying them for sex. You're paying them to fly away.

John: Oh. Let's see. "And behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me to give"…

Ted: What was that first part?

John: "Behold, I come quickly."

Ted: Jesus said that?

John: Yeah.

Ted: Yeah, that's not the kind of thing I'd start with "behold." What else? Well, look, look, look. Right there. Right there. John the apostle. Jesus had an apostle named John.

John: Holy shit. Those were, like, his buddies, right?

Ted: Yeah, yeah, there was Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Johnny, Blitzen, and Larry, Darryl, and Darryl. There's no doubt anymore. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ.

Ted: Holy shit. Does this mean you have, like, powers and stuff?

Ted: Yeah, but I probably got to learn how to use them. Flip to the spells.

John: OK, spells, spells, spells. Ted: Spells, spells, spells.

Ted: Wonder what my alignment is.

John: Chaotic good.

Ted: Ah, yeah, yeah. Good, but, like, you know, I might fuck around a little bit.

John: Yeah.

Ted: Shit, we supposed to have dice?

-

Ted: OK, what do you say we try one of them spells, huh? Water into wine, here we go. "Meka leka hi, meka hiney ho. Meka leka hi, meka chiney ho." All right, try it.

John: Still water.

Ted: Fuck! Oh, you know what? It's 'cause we don't have the wand.

-

Blaire: Shit. I mean, how the fuck am I supposed to share a house with somebody who treats me like I have some fucking disease Guess there's no chance he's gonna apologize.

Ted: You know, if I can offer a bit of Christly wisdom, Blaire? You're smarter than he is, so you might have to go talk to him.

Blaire: Oh, fuck that. I am not extending an olive branch to somebody who's against basic equality.

John: Well, that's the thing, Blaire. I don't think he's really even against anything. Think he just didn't want to look stupid in front of his truck.

Blaire: Listen to yourself!

John: OK, then don't do it for Dad. Do it for Mom. Look, she's really bummed out right now, and it's all just 'cause Christmas is messed up. Look, I know it's gonna suck, but…

Ted: But it's like I say in the Book of Romulans: turn the other cheek. Do unto others. Say it, don't spray it. I'll have what she's having.

Blaire: You're an idiot.

Ted: Oh, what do we say to that, Apostle?

John: Four hell points.

Ted: Four hell points.

Blaire: What the fuck is a hell point?

Ted: It's how I determine which of my children, who I love, will be tortured forever.

Blaire: Oh, God. Ugh, all right, all right, I'll… I'll talk to him.

-

Ted: Well, I Jesus-ed the shit out of that one.

Blaire: You? You didn't do anything.

Ted: Eh, I worked in mysterious ways.

Sarah: How?

Ted: Where there was only one set of footprints, that's where I carried you.

Blaire: You watched 18 hours of TV yesterday. You barely moved.

Ted: When it most appears I'm not Jesus, that's when you need faith.

Sarah: Ted, you do know what happened to Jesus, right?

Ted: Yeah, he gave back the Gobstopper, and they gave him the chocolate factory. I mean, I think that's what happened. I'm reading, like, two books at once.

Sarah: They nailed him to the cross and crucified him for our sins.

Ted: Wait, what?

Susan: It was so nice of him to let them do that for us, wasn't it?

Ted: They killed him?

Sarah: Yeah.

Ted: Oh, shit. Yeah, fuck that. I'm out. Wait, maybe I'm Buddha. Buddha was lazy, right?

[lthrcwby63]

Coming out to the Noose

I thought I would tell you about when all this fetish started for me. I know, that many had this same fetish but were too scared to even talk about it. So, in a way this is my story on getting the idea of my entry into breath control and hangings and getting it into mainstream.

I came out late, I was around 28-29 when I decided that being gay was ok, so I dumped my girl-friend, sold off my 16 horses, moved out of the country and into the city. Being from the country I was usually wearing Levis or Wrangler’s and cowboy boots. We are talking the late 80’s and early 90’s. I started going to the dance palaces, and one guy in western gear suggested that we go over to the J&L Saloon.  Local leather bar at the time.

Well, when I walked in and saw all those guys in leather and boots, I knew I had come home. I mean being from the country, chaps, boots and leather was just what it was. In a conversation I had to one guy, his name was Larry, a little bit of a tweeker (high on drugs) we went across the street to a bath house. He got us a room and wanted to fuck. I did let him know that I had never experienced that, being new I was just getting into the scene.

He told me not to worry, he would make sure my first would not only be memorable but he would make sure he took care of me the right way. We headed up to the room, stripped but he made sure I was still wearing my tall cowboy boots. He rolled me over, and started fingering my hole, one finger then 2 then 3 and 4. He greased himself and my hole really well, then slipped his cock into my hole. Even with getting fingered it hurt like hell, but he just talked to me, told me just let the pain pass and he was very still, his hard cock just resting up in my hole. After a few minutes he started pumping his cock in and out and my cock got really hard. Yea, I was suddenly hooked and needed his cock in me. He was easy and gentle; the experience was amazing for me. All the time talking to me and making sure I was ok.  Then he asked me to tell him about my darkest fantasy. Well, ya know, his cock is buried in my ass, and I told him. I was into jacking off thinking about being hanged.  He told me he wished we could be back in Nebraska where he was from because he knew of a great barn, we could play in… Then I felt his hand go around my throat and he started choking me.  My cock exploded and then his cock, cum was everywhere.

We spent the night together in the bath house, he introduced me to the owners of the J&L saloon and they kind of took me under their wing. Made sure that I was also safe and with people they knew were kewl. Larry and I stayed friends for a while, though I didn’t get into the leather drug scene. Was just not my scene.  I did talk to Larry about my fetish and he introduced me to a magazine called ‘Drummer’. They had ads in the back pages and Larry suggested that I put in an ad to see if there were others who loved the same things that I did. So, I did…

Not 2 weeks after that ad came out, I got 4 letters in the mail. Pretty much introductions and what they were also into, their fantasies, and other stuff they liked. There were some incredible stories and great writing and 1 or 2 guys and I actually started talking on the phone. One was from California and another was from Texas. Don, from California had been hanging himself since he was a teenager, the other guy from Texas was more into just writing fantasies and not into actual physical play. But damn, these guys were story tellers. From there we started writing back and forth and at one point I mentioned that I had all these great stories from other guys who had answered my Drummer ad and then wanted to read those stories as well.

That birthed a magazine called ‘The Hangman’s Nooseletter’. Now mind you this was before the advent of the internet, so it was decided that a Nooseletter would go out quarterly, and it did for 2 and a half years. Once the chat rooms on AOL and mIRC, Googlechat and YahooChat, and Gay.Com, Gear fetish the Nooseletter went to the wayside. I mean why pay for stories when you can download them from the internet for free, right? But at the end of it’s run, I had 10 countries and 155 members I was mailing the magazine too.

Over the years, I have met many of the members of the Nooseletter, I also have lost several friends to the siren’s call to the noose including my best friend from California. But it is what it is, sometimes the fetish becomes all consuming. Some people don’t have a friend to play with so they play alone. (Danger! Will Robinson! Danger!) The Hangman’s Nooseletter was partially designed for a meeting place for like minded guys. Almost like a support group for lack of a better word.

In the next few months, I will be posting the Nooseletter’s here so that you can see some of the incredible stories were written at the time. Lord only knows how many buckets of cum were squirted while all those men read those stories and looked at the artwork.

[bohemian-nights]

People want to get on Alicent and call her a whore for showing her feet to Larry's but see Rhaenyra BEGGING Daemon for a quick f*ck on the beach on the SAME DAY that his wife just got buried and call her a girl boss for it.... PATHETIC

Also it's interesting that Rhaenyra gets abandoned/left alone twice by Daemon in their supposed "romantic" scenes, he leaves her alone in a brothel (he could have easily just grabbed her and say "No! We're going home!") And on the beach where Rhaenyra wakes up alone and Daemon is watching Vhagar.

Yep, and the thing is they don’t see how saying that oh Rhaenyra is an adult, she’s in control, blah blah blah, only makes it worse because, unlike Alicent who is being blackmailed into prostituting* herself, Queenie willingly throws herself at a man who a. Abused her and continues to abuse her(see choke-gate) b. Abandons her(which is why she was so butthurt and asks him if he loved Laena because she straight up could not stand the thought of that) and c. Doesn’t really care about her a**(he wants to f*ck her daddy/wants power, but he’ll never be king and he can’t be with Viserys so she’s the next best thing. She’s still not good enough though which is why certain events take place 😏)

How her stans think this dumba** pick me is a #girlboss will never not amaze me. Her character is a bird 🦜who never learns which is why she keeps getting abandoned(which eventually gets her killed because she thinks Daemon’s a** is loyal to her🤣).

Her being abandoned twice now by Daemon could be a nice setup for future events👀 (and it's thrice if you count how Daemon was giddy planning war while she almost died giving birth to lizard 🙃)

Now before anyone says “But but but my Valaryan queen wasn’t abandoned in the books,” the Nettles’ situation(when she needs him the most Daemon chooses a girl he has only known for less than six months over his niece-wife he’s known since her birth) begs to differ🤷🏽‍♀️

Rhaenyra is literally the most pathetic woman during the Dance(chasing after d*ck that doesn’t truly want you will never not be pathetic). And as much as I love Daemon, he wasn’t worth the obsession. No man is.

*That scene was gross and unnecessary. The fact that the showrunners tried to say that this show doesn’t have any “explicit sexual violence” is a straight-up lie as evidenced by this scene and all the other “love scenes” on this show. Hell, Alicent has been sexually abused/violated in two scenes(and the fact that they cast a barely legal girl to play her for that first scene 😑). Please give this woman a break in season two(and just stop the sexual violence period because it’s too much on a show that is supposed to be more “empowering” for women than GOT).

[ailendolin]

I've been thinking about the next Christmas Special and what some parts of the synopsis might mean:

"The Ghosts soon realise, however, that they may have more in common with Betty than they first thought."

Since Betty thinks Button House isn't safe (maybe because she's witnessed ghost activity?), I think it's possible the ghosts might start to believe they aren't safe. Either they realise just how much of her daily life Alison has to lie about or hide from her living family and friends because of them. Or something physically dangerous happens (like Robin accidentally making a light bulb burst and almost hurting the baby) which makes them agree with Betty that Button House isn't safe with them around.

"The whole experience inspires the Ghosts to reflect, and a big decision awaits them all."

If they ghosts believe they're a danger to Alison and her family in some way, I wouldn’t be surprised if they started thinking Alison would be better off without them. That doesn't necessarily have to mean they're going to will themselves to move on somehow (we know it doesn't work like that) but they could still find ways to disappear from Alison's life. The grounds of Button House are vast enough for that. I could see them making the decision to leave the house, thinking that's what's best for the Coopers, and the episode ending wirh Alison going after them and telling them they're her family too and that she wants them in her life.

Alternative speculation #1 (aka wishful thinking on my part)

As someone who absolutely adores the Plague Ghosts, I could also see the ghosts realising there's nothing more important than family because of Betty. They see the lengths Betty is willing to go to to make sure Mike, Alison and the baby are safe, the love that's behind everything she does. Perhaps that will make them realise there are people in their afterlives they haven't treated as kindly as they should have - namely Humphrey and the Plague Ghosts - and they'll vow to do better in the future. With Humphrey, that's easy. They'll make a point of including him. But what if they decide to ask the Plague Ghosts to move upstairs? To officially become a part of the family? That would be a huge decision and also something they've never done before (Larry, I think, mentioned there'd be an unexpected tonal shift).

Alternative Interpretation #2

The reflection and big decision could also be about Alison telling Betty about the ghosts. This ties in to what I mentioned at the beginning - that the ghosts realise how much Alison has to hide from other people, even her own family. Upon reflecting on what that will mean for the rest of her life, they could come to the decision that Alison should tell Betty the truth. This would also be something we haven't seen in the show before. Off the top of my hat I can only remember two moments when Alison told other people about her gift: 1) when she wanted to appear crazy in front of Mike's friends to get Mike out of the cult meeting, and 2) when Kylie was there and she realised they share the same gift. As far as we know, Alison has never told anyone in her family about the ghosts so her telling Betty would be a huge deal.

Obviously, this is all speculation. It's possible none of this will happen; it's also possible some things will but for different reasons, under different circumstances or in different ways. There is so very little the synoposis actually tells us - no mention of Baby Cooper, for example. Is Alison still pregnant? Will she give birth at home? If the baby is already born, will it play a key role in Betty's arc about Button House not being safe? Why is Mike's father not mentioned, or his sisters?

I love that we know so little and have so much room for speculation. For me, that's almost as fun as getting to see what actually happens.

[gothicprep]

I’m camping and this is a queued post.

I watched big joel’s “conservative comedy ruined my life” in bits and pieces last weekend. or the weekend before? I don’t remember. part of me just thinks I’m getting old and running out of patience for, like, elevated react content. another part of me is thinking, “no! it’s laziness you can’t stand!” i know joel is a capable guy – I think “twitter and empathy” is an excellent video essay. i more or less know how YouTube sponsors work in a way that disincentivizes being thorough – “get it out by may 10th, or you’re not getting $200”. all that. maybe this was best practiced as a labor of love rather than a professional career, but I won’t digress

I think what my issues with it are stem from two questions that weren’t engaged with at all:

what makes comedy work?

what is a conservative? it’s a regionally variant thing in how it presents, after all.

If you’d like to hear me ramble, it’s under the cut. if not, i hope everything goes well for you today, and we’ll leave it at that.

alright. now the true reader time has kicked in. im getting dirty.

a lot of the framework I think joel is using here is from this out of context george carlin clip that’s shared en-masse whenever a comedian is in hot water for a tasteless joke. but I honestly think he and most people are interpreting it wrong – it’s somewhat backhanded advice from one professional to another. even if andrew dice clay meant his diceman character as a parody, he’s risking an audience who may not get that, and probably won’t think particularly high of him when they find out his surname by birth is silverman.

the work people remember of carlin’s is anti-establishment and anti-consumerism, yes. but the shtick in that era of his career is mostly about being curmudgeonly. he wasn’t trying to establish an over-arching theory of comedy via one larry king interview. and I guess, while we’re thinking about carlin, we ought to remember that he was arrested for cursing in public at his shows, like, multiple times in the 70s. his attitude towards political correctness (& supposedly what we’d call “wokeness” now) is deeply informed by this. he’d probably call a lot of the posts you’ve endorsed newfangled yuppie shit. don’t invoke the dead unless you know what they were about.

sorry for that digression, but I do think it matters. specifically in the case of joel, who I think leaned into the out of context clip and… developed a nonsense theory of comedy because of that. he says something to the effect of “comedy enforces social norms” when he isn’t talking about comedians. he’s talking about bullies. bullies and their patchwork of social allies aren’t funny. everyone thinks they’re trying too hard in a meaningless and pathetic race.

comedy is often predicated on surprise. if you pay attention, you’ll be a more intelligent person for it. and a more surprising one. funny how that works. I don’t personally believe this neo-breadtube space is inhabited by smart people. I don’t care how many masters degrees they’ll try to break my nose with pointing this out.

okay, getting to the point – the daily wire is not anywhere near the go-to source of conservative bile. their traffic has taken a massive hit since facebook de-emphasized viral news. Imagine making something criticizing “conservative comedy” and not mentioning greg gutfeld at all. fox’s viewership dwarfs that of the daily wire, but the daily wire gets undue legitimacy by way of being terminally online. if I said “Ben Shapiro” to my parents, they’d assume this is the name of some guy that worked with me rather than a pundit. 

he also does some idiot magic here where he calls matt stone and trey parker conservatives. they aren’t, they’re libertarians. these sorts of distinctions matter to people who care about gay shit like accuracy. he mostly looks at “team america: world police” as reference and says something to the effect of “they accepted the war on terror as it is”. like are you honestly kidding dude. have you seen the south park movie? they not only characterized the army as incompetent, but actively racist on top of that.

you have to wonder if he has a selective memory about the “team america” movie as well, because he frames it so strangely. because the version of the song where they’re shouting out the names of corporations as a joke is in the end credits only and…

oh. alright. you didn’t watch it. damn. that’s sad. couldn’t even ask you to sit for two hours without picking up your phone like a fidgety little rat.

and… like. as much as I do not like to pull the “I’m bipolar!! I find this gross!!” card, I’m doing it. at the end of this video, joel shows a video of a Roseanne Barr routine where she’s very blatantly wrote while having a manic episode. He calls it interesting, I personally don’t find this all that interesting. I’ve been there. It’s dumb. It’s needlessly scaremongering and dramatic. It isn’t interesting. It makes me feel uncomfortable while I watch it. I was never a conspiracy theorist type but the requisite nonsensical yapping is all too clear to me.

Uhh. That’s what I have to say. Don’t think I got my whole rant out, but this will do for now

[littledigest]

Astro Observation: Commonalities in Billionaires' Charts

Taking a look at the charts of the top 15 richest people in the world as of 2022 (list taken from Forbes)

Subjects:

Elon Musk

Jeff Bezos

Bernard Arnault

Bill Gates

Warren Buffett

Larry Page

Sergey Brin

Larry Ellison

Steve Ballmer

Mukesh Ambani

Gautam Adani

Michael Bloomberg

Carlos Slim Helu

Francoise Bettencourt Meyers

Mark Zuckerberg

What happens when we break down all 15 people's personal planets?

Taurus and Aquarius came out the most frequently among personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars) with 10 and 9, respectively.

Taurus is not a surprise. It is ruled by Venus, which has two sides: the lighter, gracious, lovely side and the warring, violent, and self-centered side. Taurus tends to have a taste for finer things, status, and comfort. It is an earth sign, meaning there is a level of stability and resoluteness when they decide they want to pursue something. Once they reach a certain status or goal, they do not let go easily and will keep their place for as long as they can.

Aquarius, ruled by Uranus, is associated with the group and the public. There is a level of detachment that separates the Aquarian from others and helps them get a wider perspective on people's needs and wants. At the same time, it is a sign that wants to be different, and this is what makes them or their company/products stand out. Aquarius is associated with technology and doing things for the world and/or humanity. High possibility of reaching many people.

Aries, Cancer, and Pisces all tied for third with 7 each.

Aries are action-oriented and ambitious people who take steps to realize their goals. Because they are impulsive and confident, they are not afraid to take risks.

Cancers want to be able to take care of themselves and their loved ones and can make very shrewd, practical money moves that keep growing.

Pisces are original and intuitive; they can process a lot of abstract information they use to make decisions; can also be very in tune with the general public, which helps to know what is currently happening and what will happen in the future.

The sign that appeared the least among personal planets was Sagittarius with 3. Gemini and Scorpio both tied for second to last with 4 each.

By modality? Fixed signs were the most common (29). Then, Cardinal (26). And lastly, Mutable (20).

By element? Earth came in first (22). Then, Air (19), Water (18), and Fire (16).

Most common aspect?

Neptune - Pluto (10/15)

This is a generational aspect that lasts from the 1940s to the 2030s. Warren Buffett, Carlos Slim Helu, Michael Bloomberg, Larry Ellison, and Larry Page are the only ones without this aspect. Since this aspect includes such a wide range of people, it does not hugely affect our study. I also do not have their accurate birth times, so I do not know which houses Neptune and Pluto land.

Sun - Moon (9/15)

This aspect shows that the ego is connected to emotions. Ego means our self-esteem and self-importance. So, with a Sun-Moon aspect, our desire to see ourselves as important is directly connected to our emotions. Sun-Moon people can feel that they want to show people who they are and what they can be. There can be a lot of friction in life when it comes to wanting to be "someone," and this often serves as a motivator for success (not just financial success). This can also show someone sure of who they are; they go through life with a good level of confidence. On the other hand, a negative but productive manifestation could be someone who is trying to match their level of self-esteem with their goals in life. Even if they reach goals, they may want to feed their ego more and push harder for an even higher goal.

Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates (Mars-ruled Sun and Moon), Larry Ellison (same sign Sun-Moon in Leo), Steve Ballmer, Gautam Adani, and Michael Bloomberg (same sign Sun-Moon in Aquarius) do not have this aspect.

Sun - Mars (8/15)

Sun-Mars people are assertive and action-oriented. Negatively, they can be too aggressive and selfish. These people are competitive and can be good at directing others. Mars is a planet of action and passion; anyone, not just billionaires, who has achieved any kind of success in life, needs the ability to put things into action and an ongoing passion for working toward their goals. This is a go-getter, taking the opportunity kind of aspect.

Elon Musk (Mars conjunct NN), Bill Gates (Sun-Moon in Mars-ruled signs), Larry Ellison, Steve Ballmer (Sun in Aries), Mukesh Ambani (Sun in Aries), Gautam Adani, and Carlos Slim Helu (Mars in Aries) do not have this aspect.

Sun - Neptune (8/15)

So, we've gone through ego and action. And now, we must talk about dreams. Neptune means many things, one of them being dreams and things that don't seem possible. Many of these billionaires, if not all, dreamt big. They wanted to become successful (at least financially) and become part of the top echelon or wanted to change people's lives with technology and innovation. Even now, as billionaires, they keep dreaming bigger and bigger and work towards realizing their goals. People who dream too small don't usually get big rewards. Sun-Neptune people tend to have good imaginations and can want glamourous things in life. Or, they can be philanthropists and make contributions to society.

Elon Musk, Bernard Arnault (Sun, Venus, Mars in Pisces), Larry Ellison, Steve Ballmer, Michael Bloomberg, Carlos Slim Helu, and Mark Zuckerberg do not have this aspect.

Sun - Chiron (8/15)

Sun-Chiron people tend to understand the realities of life, both the good and the bad. They could be sensitive or have perceived insecurities; they may also feel they are/will be different and accept this responsibility. Think of Chiron the centaur. Chiron was different from the beginning and was raised as a civilized centaur. He developed many skills in his lifetime and was a forever student and mentor. He lived accepting that life has both beautiful and painful moments. Sun-Chiron aspect is a bit of a lonely aspect; this person could be well-liked, but it does not detract from his/her loneliness. These are types who want to find a solution to every problem, personal or societal. They may also feel different from others or excluded by others (socially isolated).

Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffett, Larry Page, Larry Ellison, Mukesh Ambani, Michael Bloomberg, and Carlos Slim Helu do not have this aspect.

Uranus - Chiron (8/15)

When we combine Uranus with Chiron, we get someone who wants to bring a new era to society. These people believe in being different and thinking of different ways to solve problems. They definitely do not follow the beaten path; they are pioneers. Uranus is the planet associated with the group. Uranus-Chiron people are tuned into what the public needs and wants are. These people are advocates for progressive ideas, technology, and thinking outside the box, all in the name of social progress.

Bernard Arnault, Warren Buffett, Steve Ballmer, Mukesh Ambani, Gautam Adani, Michael Bloomberg, and Mark Zuckerberg do not have this aspect.

Jupiter - Pluto (8/15)

This is a classic sign of someone with immense wealth, fortune, and resources. Jupiter is an expansive planet associated with fortune, luck, and opportunity. Pluto is associated with power, control, and transformation. Whatever opportunities, risks, ventures, etc. these people take, it has a chance of becoming very successful. These people don't receive wealth and power from others; they want to generate this themselves. In a negative light, this could also mean being too risky, too controlling, and so powerful that they eat everyone around them. This can also show immense greed and having a hard time stopping. This is a very powerful aspect, but it can also bring highly transformative moments in life since with a lot of power and money comes a lot of responsibility, especially social responsibility.

Jeff Bezos, Bernard Arnault, Larry Ellison, Mukesh Ambani, Michael Bloomberg, Francoise Bettencourt Meyers, and Mark Zuckerberg do not have this aspect.

The most aspected planets in this order:

Chiron (62)

Venus (61)

Pluto (58)

Neptune (57)

Saturn (57)

Jupiter (56)

Sun (55)

Moon (55) *birth times not accurate

Mercury (49)

Mars (49)

Uranus (48)

North Node (33)

South Node (30)

Closing Thoughts

Whatever your opinions are on the mega-rich, you cannot say these people did not work for their money. It could be driven by greed, or maybe there are good intentions behind their actions. But they worked to build themselves an empire. Seeing Chiron, Pluto, and Saturn among the top 5 most aspected planets shows that building a "modern empire" takes time, hard work, dedication, and perseverance.

At the same time, you also need luck and a tendency to want to expand and grow (Neptune, Jupiter) as well fortune and attraction, shown with Venus (and Jupiter) as the second most aspected planet. Venus is seen as a benefic planet that attracts. It is associated with money and fortune (as well as beauty and love). It is not surprising that this is highly aspected in the charts of billionaires.

I find it interesting that Chiron is the most aspected planet. Chiron is highly skilled, educated, intelligent, and helpful. But he was also wounded and did not know how to heal himself.

I can interpret this in two ways: These billionaires are driven to use their skills to contribute and provide something for others. Or, they have a lot of good things that others want, but there is still something missing.

Edited Jul 22, 2022: Double-checked my data and found that my calculations for Venus were incorrect. This is now corrected. Venus is the second most aspected planet, not the 10th.