#last time it was over 4 hours and we didn't finish lmao

[clorinspats]

HIGHLY recommend Definitely Wizards. i've dm'd for my friends twice now and everyone has had an AMAZING time. it lets us get pretty creative with things and has a great outline for making a nice dungeon for people to play through without it being the same every time.

we play it long distance on a whiteboard in browser and have a grand ol time

[springseasonie]

Hate me more | LMH (M)

Enemies to lovers, Camp counselors Mark x Fem reader

Summary: You really dislike Mark and you're pretty sure he dislikes you too. Ever since he came to the camp last year, he's been nothing short of a headache to you. And now you're forced to work with him this summer, and his mission is clearly to piss you off.

Warnings: sexual content, heavy dubcon/cnc themes, unprotected sex, oral (fem receiving), kissing (shocker), Mark is annoying, so is the reader tbh, may be errors even though proof read

Word count: 7,7k

Song recs: kiss by NCT dojaejung (this is my way of promoting the unit go stream)

A/N: I was gonna write something for the release of golden hour but this took a bit longer than expected 😭 10 days later an I finally finished it lmao please give feedback if you want it's always appreciated

"Okay kiddos make sure you have all your things before we go back to the cabins okay?"

"Yes Ms. Y/N!"

You gave them a thumbs up as you leaned on a tree, waiting for all the kids to pack up. This was your life every summer for the past 4 years. Being a camp counselor was a lot of work the first time, but by the end of the summer, you had to come back. You loved your kids and they loved you. The staff was always so welcoming and nice. That was true until Mark started the third summer.

He was such an asshole. All the other female counselors gushed over him and his looks. He was constantly flirting with everyone, using his looks and charisma to get himself out of shit. It annoyed you, and Mark instantly took notice. He would side eye you all the time and talk about you as if you weren't friends with everyone else. He didn't really care though, he enjoyed being confronted by you every time he got "caught." Mark found your anger funny, never really taking you seriously.

And now you're paired to work with him this summer.

"Ms. Y/N, where is Mr. Mark? I need help getting something out a tree," one of the kids asked.

"That's a good question honey." You glanced around the area, looking over both shoulders to try and get a sign of him. And of course, he's nowhere to be found. "I don't see him around. We're just gonna have to wait for him okay?"

The little girl nods and runs back to her friends. Ten minutes go by and you start to get annoyed. This happened way more often than you would like to think. Mark disappears to do something or someone for way too long and you're left to take care of the kids by yourself. Sometimes, you almost think it's unbelievable how unreliable he is, sneaking away leaving you alone with 20 children in a forest. But then again, it's on brand for him.

5 more minutes went by and you start to get frustrated. You have no idea what he could be doing that's going to cause all of you to be late for dinner time. "Okay everyone please listen to me okay?" All the kids stop talking and turn to you. "I'm gonna go look for Mr. Mark, but I need all of you to sit in 5 rows of 4. Now." All the kids practically run to sit next to their friends and plop down on the floor.

"Good. None of you move or get up. If anything happens, scream at the top of your lungs okay? I'll be right back." All of the kids agreed as you turned to walk into the forest, going the way you last saw him.

"So fucking irresponsible," you muttered to yourself. "How the hell am I supposed to watch 20 kids by myself?"

You could still hear the kids, so you know you weren't too far away from the area or the trail. This wasn't new for you, always looking for him. It's only been a month since the both of you had to start working together, and he was already making shit hard for you. Mark liked to go hide somewhere. it was either to get away from you, the kids, or to get blown off by some staff member. You couldn't stand it.

"I mean seriously, can't he control himself for one fucking summer," you grumble. "Fucks everything that walks. What an ass."

"Well I wouldn't say that."

Your body jumped violently suddenly hearing his voice next to you. You whipped your head in his direction seeing him sitting, leaning in a tree. Mark had his ear buds in and from where you were standing, you could still hear the music playing.

"Where the hell were you," you asked angrily.

Mark stood up and dusted his pants off as he walked to you. You crossed your eyes, eyeing him up and down. He was so smug about everything. He always looked like something was amusing to him, like there was always a joke to tell.

"Here," he said.

"Clearly. And how the hell do you even have a working phone out here. There is literally no service."

Mark shrugged, wrapping the ear buds around his phone and putting it in his back pocket. "I downloaded stuff before I came."

"Whatever, let's go," you said, rolling your eyes.

"Where are the kids," he asked you, placing his hands in his pockets as he walked.

"In the same place I left them. I had to come get you like you were a lost child. Stop leaving me with all these kids."

Mark smiled in amusement as he walked behind you. You didn't really notice, but you tend to stomp when you are angry. And fortunately for Mark, it wasn't annoying. He actually found it cute, but he wouldn't tell you that.

"Can we take a break? My legs hurt," he whined teasingly.

"Mark, stop playing games. We have 20 kids in the forest waiting for us to come back and the sun will start setting soon," you replied, sighing heavily.

"Oh please we'll be okay."

And at this moment, you've just about had it with him. You turned around, lips pursed at his nonchalant response. Mark stopped in his tracks, looking up at you as you stood on the top of the small hill. "You have one more time to piss me off or I will report you. I'm not joking."

Mark's amused expression washed away as you turned around and kept walking. For the rest of the walk back, he said nothing. Soon enough, the both of you got back to the kids who were still sitting and chatting.

You sighed, groaning quietly. "I'm gonna do another headcount. You get that thing out of the tree."

"Why couldn't you just do it," he complained.

"Because- you know what, just get it out the tree."

You counted all of the kids, double and triple checking everyone and the area around you. Soon enough, Mark got the toy that was stuck in the tree out, and everyone was ready to leave. "Okay everyone you know the drill. Get your buddy and get in line. Mark, you'll watch the back."

"Didn't sound like a question," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I wasn't asking."

"I swear to you I will kill him if I'm ever alone with him again."

"He's really not that bad," Somi said, taking another bite of her pancake.

"Please, bad is an understatement," you say as you sit down. "He fucking left me with 20 kids, and then when we got back and I told him how dangerous that was, he says 'but you handled it, right?'"

Somi laughs, clearly amused at your story. You give her a confused look, not understanding why she wasn't siding with you. "Y/N, anything he says makes you angry."

"That's not the point!" Somi stops laughing when she sees how upset you are. "He left me and 20 kids in the forest near sunset to sit on his ass and listen to music. Then got an attitude with me because I was telling him what do when he wanted to act like a fucking child. I'm tired of it, Somi. I've been dealing with this for a month."

"Shit, I didn't think it was that serious," she said, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly.

"We literally could've had a bear encounter or something. I don't want to keep taking responsibility for his shit," you say, sighing heavily. "Anyways, I'm done complaining. Let's just eat."

You went to bed last night still completely angry at what happened in the forest. Mark didn't say anything to you walking back, but your conversation once you got back to the main camp was nothing short of unpleasant. It consisted of all your usual unpleasantries with him. Mark didn't really seem to care much though. You hated that you always let him get a rise out of you once you said you weren't going to do it anymore. And at this point, you had to get to the bottom of it.

You looked around the dining hall trying to find Mark. You knew he was there, he always came late after roughhousing with the kids in his cabin. Searching around some more, you spot him in line getting food. "I see him."

"Please don't harass the man," Somi begged you.

"Too late." You got up and walked to him. You really needed all this bad energy between the both of you to disappear. You weren't too sure about him, but it made every day difficult and you couldn't deal with it all summer. "Hey buddy," you said, tapping his shoulder.

"Didn't know we were friends."

The fake smile immediately turned into a frown. "Our conversation from last night isn't finished."

Mark groaned quietly as you followed his pace in the line. "Why do you keep bothering me if you don't like me?"

"I'm not bothering you, I'm trying to figure out what your deal is," you whisper yell. You followed Mark to his usual seat with the other male counselors, taking a seat right next to him. You were too focused on him to notice the confused stares you got from everyone else.

"Um, hey Y/N," Haechan greeted you awkwardly. "Is this…your new spot?"

"I came to talk to your friend if you don't mind."

"She's crazy," Mark blurted out, making the table laugh.

You smacked him on the arm, making him turn to you with the brightest smile you've seen all summer. And for some reason this was the first time you looked at him without feeling pure irritation. He was actually pretty…cute?

You couldn't look directly in the eyes, fearing that the anger you felt all morning would go away. Instead of speaking, you got up and went back to the table with Somi.

"So..what happened," she questioned.

"Nothing."

"You don't seem too upset by it," Somi observed.

"What..what are you talking about," you said, trying to deflect.

"You can't fool me, you're terrible at lying," she laughed. Somi took another bit of her pancake, but stopped laughing, giving you a look as if she found out something. "Do you like him?"

"Keep your voice down! And don't eat with your mouth full, you look like a damn kid."

"Y/N, do you like him?"

"Of course not! I can't stand the man," you deny.

Somi squints her eyes and side eyes you, but says nothing. You know she doesn't believe you, but it doesn't really matter because either way, you don't like him. "Okay..just know that today is your day to clean the kitchen."

"I know," you said with a sigh.

"And his also," she reminded you.

"Goodness kill me now."

-

You and Mark cleaned the dishes in the kitchen silently, not daring to say a word. There was an unspoken rule between the 2 of you at the moment, first person to speak surrenders to the other for the entire summer. You'll never surrender to him, no matter what it takes (that's what you want to believe anyway.) Mark had been stealing glances for about 30 minutes now, watching you clean meticulously and quietly. He always thought you were pretty, except for when you were being annoying that is. He always thought of himself as the bigger person, despite his childish nature, so he thought he should end this silent game sooner than expected.

"Did you get sleep," he asked.

"Why do you care?"

"I can't be concerned about my friend," he said. Mark chuckled softly when you sucked your teeth.

"Why do you insist on pissing me off," you say, turning to him. "Like I really don't understand why you don't like me. Since you came here last year, I've been nothing short of annoyed with you."

"It's never been my intention, but I just happen to strike those emotions in some women."

"What the fuck does that mean?" You put down the dirty dishes, crossing your arms as you looked at him with a brow raised.

"It means," he replied, turning to you, "that the more women are attracted to me, the less they like me."

You scoffed, getting back to cleaning the dishes. "You wish. You're out of your fucking mind."

"If I'm crazy, then what exactly was that earlier," he asked. You didn't know, but Mark definitely noticed how you backed off of him during breakfast. The way your expression changed, how quick you got up. It almost seemed like you were running from something, and he knew exactly what it was. "I know you like me."

"I don't like you. I just didn't want to talk to you in front of all your friends. They were laughing at me, so I left," you explained. Mark took two steps to you, his body ending up close to yours. You backed up a bit, not understanding why he was close to you, but he followed you again. "What are you doing?"

"Testing something out," he said simply.

"Look I don't know what you're testing but I'm busy. " Just as you moved away from him, he placed his arms beside you, trapping you under him. The both of you have never been this close before. Sure there were times where he had to catch you or hold you for activities in the forest, but there was nothing like this. This was close. This was personal.

"What are you doing," you asked, shock written all over your face.

"Standing here." Mark's lips curled into a smirk as his eyelids dropped once glancing at your lips. "You're pretty."

"Thank you but I really need to-"

"You know," he started,"you never told me what you wanted to talk about before you left the table."

You sighed, making a dramatic pained expression. "Mark, please. Can you back up?"

"No."

You looked up at him, surprised that his face was closer than before. One more move and your lips would've probably touched his. 'Why am I even thinking about that right now,' you thought to yourself.

"I know you wanna kiss me," he said almost in a whisper. Mark chuckled softly seeing the frazzled look on your face. You were so easy to read, always saying you didn't like him knowing damn well you wanted him. He just wanted to make you say it. He wanted to break your prideful attitude down and make you beg for him.

"You are saying insane things right now." You couldn't even look him in the eye, too afraid you would melt under his body. He was too close. You couldn't control your heart beat or your whirling mind. 'Maybe kissing him wouldn't be so bad,' you thought to yourself, but pushed the thought to the back of your head.

"But you didn't say I was wrong," he said, leaning into your neck.

"Mark, seriously." The slight whine in your voice made you want to run and hide from everyone. You felt like you were going to collapse into his hands the closer he got. His voice was so soft, but his presence was still so dominating. It was almost too much for you to bear.

"What would you do if I kissed you right now," he whispered in your ear, a smile on his face. "Would you push me away, take it and get mad, or maybe give me another one?"

You could barely look at him, let alone speak. You had no idea how to respond to him. You didn't even know if you were supposed to. But what you did know is that if he made one more move or said anything else, you would most likely lose your mind. "Mark, it's too early in the morning for this," you said practically begging him to stop.

Mark released his hand from the counter, placing it on your waist. His grip was firm as he pressed you against the counter more, body so close his leg was between yours. "You're not even trying to run at this point. You little liar."

"Mark..what if someone comes in here?"

"Let them. Why do you care? Are you scared," he teased. Mark kissed the spot behind your ear softly, making you gasp. Your body tensed up in his hand, causing him to rub small circles in your waist in an attempt to comfort you. He kept missing down your neck, moving back up to kiss your jawline.

You stood there, still as a tree. Your eyes fluttered shut, taking in the feeling of his lips on your skin. At this rate there was no point in fighting it. He had already won like he did with everyone else. You felt Mark's hand leave your waist, grabbing your chin as he ran his finger down your bottom lip.

"If you want me to stop I will."

You shook your head unconsciously, brows slightly frowning at his words. You were desperate and he definitely knew from the way you were frozen and speechless.

"Good girl." Mark kissed you softly, but deeply. His hand slowly made its way to the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him. You dare to touch him, feeling like it was way too intimate. But before you could even pull away, he kissed you again, this time with even more sincerity. You didn't know why you had such a heavy feeling in your chest, but it did scare you a little bit.

"We have to finish all of this stuff in 15 minutes. You think we can make it," he asked on your lips.

"If you stop fast enough, maybe.."

Mark chuckled softly at your response, pulling away from you. He was clearly extremely turned on, but you were not the kind to help him with his problem, and he knew that. But that didn't stop his mind from drifting, thinking about how hot it would be if you dropped to your knees at this very moment.

"Wasn't that fun Y/N?"

"What are you talking about," you said, covering your face in embarrassment.

"Unwinding instead of having a stick up your ass," he jabbed.

You dropped your hands, scoffing at him. You shoved your way out of his arms, walking to the sink he was at previously. "Gosh, you're so annoying," you mumbled as you scrubbed the dirty plates.

"Yeah but you like it though."

"You wish."

"Proved my point."

You and Mark haven't spoken since the kitchen fiasco. You said a couple of words to each other when it came to the kids, but nothing more than that. You couldn't even look at him, the shame filling your body once he came into your vision. But one thing was for sure- you definitely didn't hate him as much. You were still very confused. You didn't understand where all those feelings came from for Mark in the kitchen. Maybe your subconscious? It didn't really matter, you just wanted to make sense of everything.

"Okay everyone, tonight is movie night so we need to leave a little early okay," you announced.

Mark leaned on a tree silently watching you as you interacted with the kids. You didn't know that he had conflicting feelings as well. All the teasing and messing around turning into sexual tension was not what he hoped for. He just wanted to mess with you. He wasn't actually going to kiss you for real, but when he saw the desperate scrunch of your eyebrows, how could he resist himself? If it weren't for the kids, he would definitely have his way with you right on the ground, but nothing in his life ever works right.

Mark admired the way you were with them, always so nice and careful. You were careful with anything really, never wanting to come off as irresponsible or rude. But he never cared about any of that. He didn't care if people thought he was a prick or an ass, which is why you were so intriguing to him. He never got a chance to actually introduce himself to you before you can dislike him as easily as you did.

After 20 minutes of walking back to the main site, the sun had finally set and all the kids and counselors went back to their respective cabins before going to the lake for movie night.

"So you're telling me," Somi started,"after all these months of not liking him, he came onto you in the kitchen and you didn't refuse?"

"I know, I know it's humiliating," you grumbled putting on your shirt.

"Enemies to lovers. My favorite trope."

You let out a loud embarrassed groan listen to her words. "We only kissed twice. We didn't say anything to each other for the rest of the day," you added.

"Not even for your group," she questioned.

"Well of course we did, but very little. He was..so distant," you said. You slipped into your jean shorts and put your shoes back on quickly. "I'm gonna go make sure all the girls are ready." You got up and walked outside to see everyone playing around. Just as you were about to round up your cabin, you see Mark who's talking to some of his kids. You wanted to stop staring at him, but you couldn't. You gulped as he glanced at you, giving you a small wave. "I hate him," you muttered to yourself almost as if you were trying to convince yourself it was true.

You shake your head, attempting to push what happened out of the forefront of your mind, but it's hard to do that when he's walking up to you. You turn away from his direction, hastily gathering the girls from your cabin. Just as you were about to make your way to the lake, you were tapped on the shoulder. Turning around agonizingly slowly, you face him with a fake smile.

"Hi," you said awkwardly.

"Hey, so listen-"

"I can't talk right now, we're about to head to the lake," you interrupted.

"I know but-"

"Can't talk."

Mark sighed, looking down at his shoes. He knew you were difficult, but not like this. "Can we talk after the movie?"

"Talk..about what? There's nothing to talk about," you say dismissively.

Mark rolled his eyes, walking away from you. You looked behind yourself, watching him walk back with his hands in his pockets. All that you could hope for was him forgetting whatever conversation he wanted to have with you.

Your cabin was the first to get to the lake while Mark's was the last like always. The movie started at 7, so thankfully for you, you could be left alone for 2 hours. You leaned against a tree as you watched the movie projected on the sheet quietly.

Unlike you, Mark was watching you silently, eyes never leaving your body as you stared at the screen. He knew you wanted nothing to do with him even after he kissed you, but he wasn't going to let that stop him. He's never been in a situation like this before. Having to chase after you was starting to dampen his pride, but he liked it.

He watched as you whispered to Somi about something, not able to read your lips. Maybe he shouldn't have thought to follow you as you walked away from everyone, but getting to be alone with you came rare, so he had to take his chances.

"Hey, I'm gonna go back to the cabin. I forgot something," he whispered to Haechan.

"Okay, be quick though. I don't wanna be responsible for you," he replied.

Mark gave him a dry laugh and walked away, following you from behind. Mark picked up that you were going to your cabin after a few turns on the trail. The sun was starting to set, so he began to rationalize he weird actions to himself. "It's not weird that I'm following her," he muttered to himself quietly. "I'm just keeping her safe." It was surprising how you didn't notice anyone was following you. You were usually always attentive, but it seems that you were only that way with other people.

Soon enough, the both of you made it to your cabin. You went inside with a big sigh, letting the door slam behind you. Mark would be a kind person and knock on the doors but he wasn't all that kind, so scaring you is the option he went with. Mark quickly went up to the door, opening it quietly. Your back was turned as you rummaged through a bag for something, causing you to not hear his footsteps or the door creaking open.

"Boo!"

"Fuck," yelled, body jumping violently as you turned around. "Mark?"

"Surprise."

You scoffed rolling your eyes at his jazz hands motion. "You're not funny. Now get out, this is a girls cabin."

"I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to talk." He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms as you went back to looking for whatever you were looking for.

"I really don't care, just leave," you said sternly.

Mark had enough of beating around the bush with you, the constant teasing, and asking dumb questions. He had to know why there was bad blood between you, especially after you let him kiss you that morning. "Why don't you like me?"

"You're kidding." You let out a dry laugh as you turned to face him. "I don't like you? I'm pretty sure it's the other way around."

"I'm just curious because since last year, you never gave me a chance, so I really want to know," he said, lifting his brows with a small smile.

"I want you to tell me why you don't like me first, then maybe I'll consider explaining myself to you."

Mark took small steps towards you, not being able to control the smirk on his face when you furrow your brows in confusion. "You're uptight and rude to me. And you never give me your attention unless it's to be rude with me, and I hate that that's the only way I get to talk to you. You only want to speak to me if it's to tell me how bad of a job I'm doing or how frustrating it is to be around me or work with me."

"That's not true, I-"

"I'm not done." You closed your mouth, intimidated by how commanding his voice was. "Then you go around and say to everyone how much you hate me. I know you complain to Somi and all the other counselors, and that's fine. But next time I would like to hear it from you directly."

"That I hate you?" You gave him a weird look, making him chuckle softly.

"Yes. Tell me that you hate me." He was walking closer to you slowly, arms now at his sides as he looked down at you with hungry eyes. Your arms were still crossed as you stood there, not allowing yourself to show how intimidating he was to you. Your face was calm, but your heart was beating faster with every step he took.

"I'm not telling you I hate you. Can I talk now," you asked.

"Go for it."

"You're fucking annoying and not helpful. You came into this camp last year and made all these friends and everyone liked you instantly. Everyone says you're funny and such a great guy but I have yet to see it. All you've done since you've been here was piss me off."

"You wanna know why," he said. He leaned down to your ear, a smile tugging at his lips. "Because you're pretty when you're angry."

"That's not funny," you said, looking away from him.

"I wasn't joking." Mark moved away from you, eyes going straight to your lips.

"Seriously mark, I don't care that you like to get me riled up, but yesterday was uncalled for. Do you have any idea…will you stop staring at me like that?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Mark could barely concentrate on what you were saying. Your expression, the way you spoke, how close the 2 of you were. All he wanted was to just kiss you and shut you up for the night. Mark could barely keep his hands off you, every bit of self restraint coursing through his veins.

You sighed trying to back up from him, but all you did was bump the edge of your bed making you fall back. You plopped on the thin mattress placing your hand behind you to stay balanced on the bed. Mark's gaze turned dangerous, staring at you as if you were prey.

"God you're so hot," he mumbled.

"Mark," you said, his name coming out a bit breathlessly.

Before you could finish your sentence, he pinned your body to the bed. You were dead silent as you watched his eyes move rapidly along your face and body. "Mark..we can't. We have to be back soon."

"Stop fighting it. Just say you want me," he mumbled quietly. He leaned into your neck, breath tickling your skin as you closed your eyes.

You shook your head, brows furrowing as you tried to push the feeling to the back of your head. But the only thing you can think about is how his hands are leaving your wrists as he moves them down your body. Your breath hitched when his fingertips brushed against the slightly exposed skin of your stomach. You didn't stop him as he lifted your shirt, hands attaching to waist firmly.

The both of you stayed silent, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of breathing and your old bed creaking at every movement he made. You watched him as he moved his hands lower, fingers resting on the button of your jean shorts. Mark looked at you for any signs of you wanting to stop, but all he saw was the desperation on your face.

You gulped watching him unbutton and unzip your shorts, lifting your hips as he tugged them off you. Mark took his shirt off, laying it next to your shorts. He hooked his fingers on your underwear, pulling them off you quickly. You let out a small yelp when he tugs you towards him, throwing your leg over his shoulder as he moves between your legs.

'Just get on with it,' was all you could think. You were way too eager to get him between your legs, and at this point, nothing was going to stop it. "Hurry up," you said, breaking the long silence.

Mark didn't say anything or look at you, all he did was smile as his face disappeared between your legs. A small gasp of please leaves your lips as he kitten licks your core. You close your eyes, letting your head fall back onto the mattress taking in every movement. He ran his hand up and down your leg, nails lightly scratching your skin making you shiver. Needing more friction, you begin to grind yourself on his tongue slowly, but he stops you with a hold on your hips.

"We're gonna do this nice and slow okay," he said.

"We can't, we have to get back soon."

"They'll be okay. There's more than enough people out there." Before you could say anything his mouth was back on your core, tongue pressing against your sensitive bud hard. Without thinking your hands made their way to his hair, fingers running through the blonde locks. Mark kept licking at you agonizingly slow, chuckling when you whined for more. He would speed up at moments, flicking his tongue against your clit faster just to tease you, then stop.

"Please," you begged breathlessly, "it feels like I'm being punished."

"I know," he mumbled.

You smacked him on the side of his head softly, making the male look up at you with a brow raised. "I fucking hate you."

Mark chuckled, removing one of his hands from your hip. He didn't take his eyes off of you as he slid two fingers into you, pumping them slowly. Mark watched as you basically fell apart in his hands, moans never stopped spilling from your lips. He began licking your clit, but faster, almost sending you over the edge.

"Shit, don't stop," you whined softly. You couldn't control your hips as you grinded against his fingers and tongue. Your jaw dropped when he fingered you faster. Gripping his hair, your hips moved on their own as you grinded faster. You were so close, your core pulsing on his fingers. "Fuck I'm gonna cum," you whined.

Your whines became louder, the pornographic sounds of your moaning, bed creaking, and sounds coming from Mark filling the empty cabin. This is one the many times you thanked God no one was around. Your eyes rolled back and body shuddered as your orgasm hit you like a truck making you mumble curses that not even Mark could make out. You let go of his hair, plopping back down on your mattress breathing heavily.

"I'm assuming that was the first time you came in a month?" Mark slid his fingers out of you slowly, wiping the digits on your sheets. He moved your leg off his shoulder, lifting himself from between your legs.

"Do you think I'm getting myself off after hiking and being around kids in this damn camp everyday," you asked, rolling your eyes at his statement.

"No. I think you're too uptight to do that," he said with a soft chuckle.

"It's crazy that you're still calling me uptight like I won't get up and leave."

Mark didn't respond to you, laughing softly to himself knowing you wouldn't move either way. He moved off the bed untying his sweats. You watched him as he let his clothes fall to the ground, eyeing his body. Not that you couldn't get it before, but now you see why he was a big deal to the other female counselors.

"Aren't we gonna use protection," you asked, gulping when he was back in front of you.

"I don't have any," he mumbled.

"You're so fucking ridiculous," you grumbled. "You're lucky I'm on birth control."

Mark could barely hear you with how eager he was to see you lose yourself for him. No amount of mean words or insults could turn him off in the moment, every word you spoke sounded like exactly what he needed to hear. "You're so fucking hot when you're mad." His lids dropped as he grabbed your ankles, pulling you closer to him.

"Don't tease, we don't have all night," you whined.

Mark couldn't take his eyes off you as he lined himself with you, slowly entering you with ease. You looked pretty under the light of the setting sun peering through the window. The light hit your eyes perfectly as they rolled back, soft moans leaving your lips at the same time. Mark thrusted into you slowly holding your waist firmly. He wanted to savor the moment, finally able to get you under him, because even though he had you now, he might not ever get you again. It was taking everything in him to not ram into you after every move not wanting it to end too quickly.

With the way he was looking at you you thought he was gonna eat you alive. And in all honesty you would let him. It was conflicting to you that all this pent up aggression towards him exploded into sex, but you were clearly not that conflicted. You would never tell him, but you had always been attracted to him and the kiss was just the tip of the iceberg.

He slid his hands up the back of your legs, pinning them to your chest as he thrusted into you faster. Your moans echoed in the empty cabin, not even thinking about if anyone could be near. "Feels so good," you moaned.

"Who's making you feel good?"

"Fuck..you are," you whined, eyes fluttering shut as you take in pleasure.

"Good girl," he cooed. Mark watched as you slipped your hand between your legs, rubbing your clit at the same place as his thrust. His fingers were constantly kneading your legs, leaving prints in your skin. "You're close aren't you baby?"

You nodded fast, looking at him with desperate eyes. "Kiss me.. please."

Mark didn't have to think twice. He leaned down, capturing your lips in a heated kiss quite literally sticking his tongue down your throat. You sucked on the wet muscle, moaning loudly on his tongue every time he thrusted into you.

"Mark..fuck," you moaned softly. Mark took a hand off your leg, wrapping an arm on the small of your back pulling you closer to him. You kissed him again, moans and whimpers poured into his mouth.

Mark moaned softly against your lips as you squeezed around him, cumming on his length. You pulled away, your lewd sounds becoming louder as he didn't stop fucking you. Mark leaned down, kissing your neck messily as you clung onto his shoulder. Mark has never had this kind of passionate feeling with a person before. It was starting to feel like more than just a sexual attraction to him, maybe he did actually have feelings for you.

"Cum in me," you said cupping his face.

Mark looked at you, brows furrowing in uncertainty. "A-are you sure? I-"

"Please baby just cum for me," you mumbled, completely taken over by the pleasure spreading in your body. "Can you do that for me?"

"Anything for you," Mark breathed out. Your words went straight to his length, his pace speeding up as he felt himself closer to cumming.

Your jaw went slack, eyes rolling back as you felt another orgasm creeping up on you. "Y-you're gonna make me cum," you whimpered.

With just a few more thrust, both you and Mark came at the same time, loud moans and groans filling the space. Mark's body went limp, laying on top of you with his face buried on the side of your neck. No one said anything for a minute, just laid there in each other's embrace trying to catch your breaths.

"I guess you don't hate me after all," Mark joked, breaking the silence.

"Only a little less."

Mark snickered as pulled himself out of you slowly. "Let's get you something to clean up with." He got up and pulled his boxers and pants on. You were sure it was because you just had sex with him, but the way you looked at him was different now. Before you were completely annoyed by his presence, but now even the little faces he made were endearing. Of course, Mark would never stop being an infuriating person to talk to but maybe you like talking to him. Maybe you liked being around him this whole time.

"If you want to go for round 2 just say it." Mark walked back to you with tissues, handing them to you with a smile. He chuckled softly when you gave him a frown for his comment. "Back to hating me I guess."

"I don't hate you Mark," you admit. The words felt unnatural to you, but they were the truth. You don't hate him, and you don't think you ever did.

"I'd like it if you did though," he said, sitting on the edge of your bed. "If what we just did considered hate fucking, please hate me more."

You rolled your eyes, tossing the dirty tissues in the trash bin across the room. "Who said it was gonna happen again?" Mark watched you closely as you shimmied back into your underwear and shorts. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"Yeah." He stood up, pulling you to him, making you gasp softly. Mark kissed you deeply, smiling against your lips when you kissed him back. "We should get back. I think we've been gone too long," he mumbled.

You nodded, kissing him one more time before he pulled away from you agonizingly slow. "Please don't be weird when we get back. I don't want to have to hate you again," you joked.

"Didn't I just tell you I want you to hate me more?"

"What do you mean you fucked him last night," Somi whisper yelled.

"Yeah..I did..right on the bed you're sitting on."

"Ew ew ew." She shot up from your bed with a frown on her face, making you laugh loudly. "Seriously what is wrong with you, why didn't you say that before I sat down?"

"Thought your reaction would be funny, and it was," you'd aid giggling.

Somi looked at you with disgust on her face, dusting off her body. "Anyways…are you guys like..a thing now?"

"I don't know. I don't think so," you answered.

"Well do you wanna be a thing?"

"Well..I think I do," you admitted. "But I don't know him that well, you know. All I did was have sex with him. What if he doesn't want anything," you said.

"You want me to be honest?"

"Please do."

"I think you should go talk to him. Like right now," she suggested.

"Now? I don't even know if he's in his cabin," you stated.

"Just go. If he's not there, go back another time. You should talk to him while your feelings are still fresh," she suggested.

Somi was right. Even though you thought it was still a bit early to talk to him, you couldn't stop thinking about him all day and all night. Throughout the day, the both of you kept stealing glances, staring at each other but not saying a word. It's been hard trying to keep your bubbling feelings for him at bay, especially when you're working so close for the summer. But Somi was right, it wouldn't hurt to try.

You nodded, sighing softly. "You're right. I should go." You turned walking to the door, but when you opened it, Mark was standing there, hand up like he was about to knock.

"Oh," you said, surprised. "Hi."

"Hey," he said, looking everywhere but at you. "Can I, um, talk to you?"

"Uh, yeah. You wanna talk here or.."

"Just walk with me. Please?" You've never seen him so nervous or unsure before. It was kind of cute. You agreed, leaving the cabin and walking along the trail with Mark.

The first couple of minutes were silent. Neither one of you said anything. The only thing that could be heard were the sounds of your feet on the dirt trial and the laughter of children from afar. But it wasn't an awkward kind of silence. It felt comfortable, he felt comfortable and warm.

"I really like you Y/N," he started. "And I know it might be weird for you, but I just felt like you had to hear it."

His words went straight to your heart, making it beat faster with every syllable. You blinked fast, not really knowing how to respond. You were afraid of coming into him too strongly, saying something that would scare him away, but you had to say something.

"I..like you too," you confessed. Your face was beginning to heat up, palms becoming clammy from the nervousness. You haven't been like this since middle school, all shy and nervous.

"So..where should we go from here?" Mark raised a brow and looked at you. You glanced at him quick enough to not want to run away from the situation all together. He grabbed your hand, making you pause mid step. Your heart was beating so fast you could hear it at this point, and you were sure he could too.

"I, uh, I don't know," you stuttered.

Mark chuckled, clasping his fingers with yours. "I've never seen you so nervous."

"I'm not nervous." You don't know who exactly you were trying to prove that too, but it definitely wasn't him because as soon as you spoke he laughed.

"I think we should start over this summer," he said. "I think we should meet each other for the first time again."

You looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," he started, turning to you. He stopped walking and tugged your hand to look at him. "I mean we should start again from a clean slate. I want to get to know you better on a good note, but only if you're willing."

You gulped looking down at your feet. You must've looked like a kid with the way mark was smiling down at you. "I..I would like that. I'd like that a lot actually." You looked at him, expression going from shy to worriedm. "I'm sorry for y'know being rude and everything."

Mark didn't say anything, allowing your words to linger for a moment before he leaned down and kissed you. The kiss was softer this time, more innocent. Mark pulled away with a small smile on his face. "You don't have to apologize to me for anything. I know I've been an ass, and I'm willing to make up for it."

It was hard to keep a smile off your face and stop yourself from blushing like a kid. "If we do this, will you stop talking to me once we're out of here," you asked.

"Y/N when I said I liked you I was serious. I don't want this to be a summer fling. I actually want to get to know you before I date you," he explained.

Your eyes went wide, completely flustered from his statement. "You want to date me?" Your heart fluttered repeating his words almost immediately, getting butterflies in your stomach. "But I've been so terrible to you and-"

"So? We like each other and we should explore that this summer."

You nodded, a smile tugging at your lips. You let go of his hand and placed it on the back of his neck, kissing him. This was the first time you kissed him. And it felt good. It felt good knowing that you didn't have to keep trying to convince yourself you didn't like him, or that you were never attracted to him. You pulled away, eyes never leaving the man in front of you. You didn't know if this conversation would make a difference for the rest of the day or the rest of the summers, but if Mark was true to a hate he said, you could wait.

But if not, then maybe you just might hate him for real.

[lookinlikeaking]

Lmao this was so crazy I need to type it up. Here was my like 40 hours of travel that I went to just to visit my partner during a very stressful time:

- first flight is at 7 am, wake up at midnight to finish packing and show before going to airport at 4am because it's been ultra busy recently and I don't trust TSA guestimates

- luckily it was only kinda busy, takes about an hour to get past tsa, but that means I have time to get a coffee

- everything looks fine, agents arrive at the gate to start setting up

- literally the minute they arrive the flight has been delayed for four hours. They don't know why. There's no reason given. But now it's four hours later.

- I get my connecting flight automatically rebooked because I would have missed the connection. Cool. But now instead of having a 2.5 hour layover, I have a 45 minute layover, which means I will be running through the entire airport to catch that flight

- I also look up the new flight path and make a guess that the reason for the reschedule was to avoid the weather, since the new flight path dips underneath the remnants instead of going the usual arc.

- they start boarding the plane four hours later, I decide to check my bag at the gate because then I can run faster to hopefully catch my flight

- everyone boards plane. We sit there while it's being loaded with luggage and fuel etc. we are told the original delay was because the AC broke and they had to fly in and install a new one from the warehouse but we're good to go now

- there's constant vacuum noises??

- still sitting there waiting for the food truck, as we are told by flight staff

- food truck arrives... And we are still sitting there

- eventually told that the flight is canceled because IT'S INFESTED WITH BUGS?????

- the vacuum noises I kept hearing was them trying to vacuum up all the bugs but more and more kept appearing in hoards and they don't think this will be solved today

- we're told they already have a bunch of agents set up for us to immediately look into getting rebooked within the hour

- get off the plane to be told that there's no agents at the counters we need to go back out of security and go to the original ticket counters at the front

- there's like 4 people at the counter. The line moves at a snails pace. They didn't foresee the issue of non bug-flight people trying to check in either, so instead of having two lines or asking the line of bug-flight people to relay something like "go to the premium line" to anyone asking about check-in, they occasionally send someone out to look for those people, slowing everything further

- there was a mum and two kids in front of me and after about 2 hours in line, the mother goes "oh no what are we gonna do for supper?" And her 10?? Year old replies "Supper? More like SUFFER" and the entire line felt that in their bones

- after four hours of waiting I get to the front of the line and have to explain to someone who just clocked on everything happening. (I'm kinda glad I was her first person from this line, there were many who at this point were not being nice.)

- since I was so far back of line, there's no more flights today for me to be on. OR TOMORROW. I'd have to wait ANOTHER day to get there through the regular route

- since time was more important to me, I asked if I could be booked on a flight to a different airport tonight instead and then I'd just get a rental car and drive the rest of the way. OKAY WE CAN DO THAT, IT'LL JUST BE A DIFFERENT AIRLINE. she gets me booked and then sends me over to the second airline counter to be checked in and given my actual ticket

- wait another hour in that line

- get my boarding pass, am told that since I'm going on another flight today that the baggage will automatically go through the system to the new plane just fine. But if I lose it, go to baggage claim and have them search it with the original bagcheck number. This is was last ticketing person told me as well.

- because we are now at the height of rush hour, even tho my flight isn't for four hours, I know it'll take an hour or more to get back to the airport, an hour or more to get thru tsa, and that doesn't count variance of who knows how long. So instead I just decide to wait at the airport.

- go thru tsa again, takes about an hour and a half

- buys myself lady yum for standing in lines for so long

- go to wait at my gate. Eat at the sit down right next to it because for once I'm in a situation where flight insurance will reimburse me.

- this flight is delayed too but for like normal reasons and only by 30 minutes. Finally I'm on a plane, I got a nice exit row window seat, I can try and sleep

- end up not sleeping because every time I started to dream it'd be a nightmare of standing in lines at airports and I'd wake up from worry that I'd miss my flight because I'm in the wrong line

- watched Suzume instead, idk if it's a good movie but it sure is aimed directly at me so I liked it.

- get into airport at 6am. Of course my bag does not show up, but the baggage office doesn't open until 7am. So sit and wait for that.

- when baggage does open, it's staffed by the most unhelpful person in the world. I don't think he was supposed to be working there and just was sitting at the desk because someone needed to, but his answer to everyone and everything was basically "I can't do anything about it"

- my stuff in particular he was like nah it's impossible you gotta go thru the original flight people for that. Even though I was super told not to.

- kept saying that some guy named Patrick would maaaaybe be able to do something?? And that he'd show up soon.

- hour and a half goes by, no sign of this mythical Patrick. Desk guy still refuses to do anything, not even open a claim for people who have their tickets. Eventually we convince him to let us write down our information in case the bags show up so we can GO DO STUFF. (There were a set of parents in this group also who had three little kids and were desperately asking to just open a claim so they could y'know go tend to their kids needs. Nope.)

- important note, airline site has no contact information on their baggage claim page because it says you MUST IN PERSON report and open a claim at the airport you arrived in.

- finally catch the bus to the car rentals, bus guy looks at me and seems offended that I don't have a prior reservation

- go inside and ask them about a rental, everyone is like hmm don't know if we have anything ready OH EXCEPT FOR THE EVS. ARE YOU GOOD WITH AN ELECTRIC VEHICLE?

- guy says I don't need to worry about filling it up with gas and confirms it will get me where I need to go with a full battery. I say yes then because I want to make the drive before the tired catches up with me.

- I'm bullied and rushed through the rest of the agreements, am not allowed to ask any more questions (or I get a response of 'just Google it you'll be fine') and end up getting into the car with no idea if I had just paid 78, 178, 278, or 378$ for the one day one way rental.

- I did glance while being forced to hit a million I Accepts that I actually do need to fill up the battery before returning it! The way the guy phrased it before sounded like it was some offer they had to get people using EVs... But technically all he said was I didn't need to pay for gas. Ugh. People with high mithridacy stats...

- also she didn't even let me have a receipt when I asked for one. It's not like there was a long line behind me either I was the only one there

- but ok I have a car. Time to drive. I quickly learn I don't like this car. (It's a Kona) There's a built in nav system so it wouldn't let me Google maps it... And the pronunciation of stuff was weird. Also sometimes it just called roads the wrong thing, like said a route east was a route west but it Def was east I was going on.

- managed to do the entire drive no problem though, did make it on 2/3rds battery, was able to stay alert and awake the entire time, there wasn't even anyone angrily honking at me for going the speed limits.

- oh heck I have to fill up the battery. Managed to find out that I should do that at the circle K because of people writing negative reviews on all the major brand change stations in town lmao

- luckily there was an older fellow charging his EV there already and he was able to help me figure out how to charge the car

- sit in the sun for an hour waiting for car to charge. Also while having an allergic reaction to the sunscreen I bought and slapped on before this BC I was expecting to be in sun

- when I try to get a receipt it just tries to force me to download and sign up for the app, which I refused to do. So idk how much I paid actually, it doesn't give you a total on the screen

- TAKE CAR AND RETURN AT LOCAL AIRPORT I WAS SUPPOSED TO ORIGINALLY FLY INTO. THIS PART WAS ACTUALLY FINE AND EASY AND HAD NO ISSUES

- go to the desk there to ask about my luggage just in case it like... Never got pulled from it's original flight path and maybe just happened to end up here.

- desk lady tries so hard to help me with it (even though she also repeats the same thing the other two said, that the new airline I took was responsible and that in theory the desk guy or mythical Patrick could have used my original tag to find it.)

- she can't find anything though so I leave information with her in case it shows up

- I try to call the airport I arrived in office, since it was late enough I expected new staff to be there and not the same guy

- TURNS OUT THAT OFFICE IS ONLY OPEN FROM 7-9AM AND 5-6PM EVERY DAY. THAT'S IT.

- it's 3pm by this time, I debate waiting for two hours to call

- eventually Google enough to find the number for the baggage office in Seattle, and decide to try them. After all, perhaps the bag is just sat there in Seattle still.

- ACTUALLY GET SOMEONE HELPFUL WHO OPENS A CLAIM NUMBER FOR ME WHICH IS V IMPORTANT BC YOU GOTTA DO THAT WITHIN 24 HOURS OF YOUR FLIGHT

- shazz and I go by target because I need at least underwear and some clothes so I can get out of these now two days full of sweat clothes

- we finally get home and I p much immediately pass out. At this point I had been awake for around 39 hours.

Good news is my bag came into the local airport so that issue is actually resolved. But gosh. What a time. I am guessing the bugs happened because they had made a nest in the warehouse, and when the machine was turned on suddenly went Oh No and started escaping.... Wild that this wasn't caught sooner though

[memberment]

Good evening

Guys I just got home from work and proofread everything I needed to including this next Dandelion chapter and I'm trying so hard not to just fucking SOB over it.

I hate it here I want out LMFAOOOOOOO THIS IS SO SAD WHY DID I WRITE THIS FR

10:59 update......

I'm thinking about an absolutely diabolical twist for the Trin series(it doesn't actually change the story in any way, if anything it actually makes it make so much more sense). Like, I've been ruminating on it since last night but idk if it's gonna throw people off. But at the same time like part twos and threes never do as good anyways so do I really even care?? Like, I'm just out here telling stories in fanfic font bc I would rather throw myself in the street than make OCs and not share my fun little stories.

I think I may commit to it.

I don't wanna say it on here though bc it's one of those plot twists you get will not forget even though part three is like FOREVER out.

The more I think about it the more I wanna do it. Someone tell me I should do it.

Oh my god I am shutting up and finishing reading Dandelion, y'all will hear my virtual screams in approximately one and a half business hours.

(11:43) I'm actually fucking sobbing and I didn't even start the last few chapters. Like, I'm actually crying over this. It's not funny.

(12:00) Never by mag lo coming on while I'm finishing up reading this is not funny. I'm devastated. I hope you all hate me after this oh my god I feel like I just ruined my own life. WHY IS IT SO MUCH WORSE AFTER BEING DONE WITH THIS FIC FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS. Jesus Christ. Yeah. No more angst from me for a long while. I'm banned.

(12:20) Me skimming through tags on fics debating if I want to pick up something new. Everything being totally normal. Suh happy. Trying not to stew in my own misery. And then I see such a vile tag my stomach twists and now I'm just like okay I'll go fuck myself I guess I'll go write or do my homework. I'm sorry, I adore ao3 and I'm never gonna be a hater, BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE WILD. LIKE I AM TALKING SO BAD I'M ACTUALLY CONSIDERING DOING MY HOMEWORK OVER THAT. LIKE I ACTUALLY JUST WIPED THE TEARS OFF MY FACE AND GOT OVER HOW SAD I WAS BECAUSE OF HOW GENUINELY SHOCKED I WAS. Like wow oh wow.

Anyways. Updates here if there's gonna be any. Also Dandelions up if anyones reading this LMAO

It's 1:40 in the morning and the beginning of Morning Glory is making me fucking unwell. I was not joking when I made that joke about like ten dreaded weeks of angst, Jesus Christ.

(2:12) This is my second time posting this exact part. Like I know I've posted this exact part. But I seriously love Christophe and all of his dialogue with my whole heart.

(4:31) I do not recall making Dova this tragic and I'm literally about to sob over him. LIKE WHY???? WHY DID I DO THAT??? WHY ARE HIS LITTLE SUBTLE BITS OF STORYLINE SO ACTUALLY PAINFUL AS THE STORY GOES ON????? (I am allergic to happiness I am my own canon event at this point)

(4:48) THE ABSOLUTE DEVASTATION THAT COMES WITH WANTING MORE STORY BUT IT SIMPLY NOT EXISTING BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT IS DEVASTATING.

(5:02) Welp. I'm ruined and am now compelled by god to start working on Morning Glory again. We're at 73k rn. And only two chapters that aren't the prologue are under 4k. That's fucking terrifying. Like I have 17 minus the prologue rn. WE ARE LITERALLY THREE CHAPTERS AWAY FROM THE FOURTH OF JULY. THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ANOTHER 16/17 OF SUMMER ALONE. AND THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AT LEAST ANOTHER 14 AFTER THAT. LIKE THE 14 ARE THE PLANNED SPECIFIC EVENT CHAPTERS. BRUH. WHY DID I DO THIS????

regret.

regret is all I feel.

but I will push through.

(7:38) before I go to bed I will just say I am at 75.3k. I had no idea how I would even get close to 4k on a birthday chapter where the group effectively decided to just stay home and hang out. But now there is like 1.5k of them playing muffin time. It's wild. I love it. GOOD NIGHT.

[spurious]

some mcshep fic recs

So ever since I answered that ask from Mer about McShep fic recs, I've been thinking about posting more recs. I have been reading, like, so much fic because there just...is so much fic out there? As I intimated in the answer to that last ask, I am...not used to this amount of fic. The last ship I seriously read and wrote fic for has 58 English-language works on AO3, 17 of which were written by me (and another large handful of which were written for me lmao), so it's, uh, kind of amazing to just be able to read and read and read and read and...still have more?

I've been using my AO3 bookmarks, but sometimes bookmarking is simply not enough and you need to scream at people about the things you have read. So, without further ado...let me scream at you about the things I have read!

-

1) 264 Hours by Lenore | ~6k, rated E

Set after Seige. The battle is over, except in Rodney's mind.

This one is just some nice Rodney emotional pain content; he’s fucked up over the events of the siege and John is trying, in his opaque Sheppardian way, to help, but it takes a perceptive sex worker and a confrontation to really get through to Rodney. I liked where this went but I almost wanted it to be longer and really draw things out? For the Suffering I guess lmao

2) Long Long Road by Telesilla & padawanhilary | (series) ~50k, rated E

While shopping, two college students run into each other. Literally.

This is an AU (that converges to canon eventually), where John and Rodney meet while at Stanford and find a mutual enjoyment of both each other and kinky sex. There are two branching endings, both of which end happily, the sex is really very very hot and good, and overall there's something that I just find extremely...cozy? About this series? I've read it twice now and I just find it nice and comforting and enjoyable.

3) Sheppard’s Law by Speranza | ~35k, rated E

"Weird? You don't know what weird is. Weird is being in a-- with the-- and the crazy alien--" He stopped, incoherent, hands flailing. "And then your best friend is twelve, and you're his piano teacher. That--now, you're talking weird!"

Honestly the idea of me in the year of our lord two thousand twenty three reccing McShep fic written by Speranza is like...asking someone who likes pizza if they've ever tried pepperoni lmao. NEVERTHELESS. I've now read this fic twice. The first time I thought it was good, but for whatever reason it didn't make that big of an impression on me? I have a feeling it's one of the ones I read before we finished the series when I was trying to find stuff that didn't spoil later season events? So anyway I just sort of randomly decided to reread it recently, and it really wowed me on a second go-round. I think the big-ness of it can be hard to wrap your head around, but when you do it's like...you feel both full and hollowed-out by it at the same time, because it's huge but it's also a collection of these snapshots and small moments that make up the whole. Idk it's just...it's good ok, read it if you haven't!

4) Ritual by lamardeuse | ~5k, rated T

The history of a ritual.

Beer 👏 on 👏 the 👏 pier 👏 As a team ritual, as the story of John’s love for Rodney, and as a beautiful coda to the shrine. John's POV in this is so gorgeously done, the way he's convinced himself of what he can and cannot have and is trying to deal with it the best way he can, even when it's immensely painful. I also like how Jennifer's part in things is handled in this, in terms of her reaction to Rodney's profession of love and how it stacks up against...literally everything else that happens in that episode.

5) Dumbstruck by sgamadison & the_cephalopod | ~30k, rated E

His existence, as he remembered it, began eleven days ago. He knew the word day was what to call the cycle between a single span of sunlight and darkness, but he could not remember what groupings of days were called. He didn't think it mattered much.

Due to...shenanigans, John loses his memories and becomes unable to speak. The thing I really love about this is how well Rodney knows John; how even when John can't speak for himself, Rodney clearly has this mental catalogue of Sheppard Expressions and he can deftly read and describe them. It's just...it's nice.

-

Anyway, I'm thinking I might make this a regular thing. I like talking about fics I like!!! Send me an ask or whatever if you have types of recs you want to see? Idk?

[andreaphobia]

9 people you'd like to get to know better!

tagged by @meibemeibelline !! sorry im gonna be a boomer and write a lot, hope that's ok lmao

three ships : fresh new brainrot: tim and hawk (fellow travelers) had brain worms for years: joker and akechi (persona 5) in perpetuity: yamamoto and hibari (katekyo hitman reborn)

first ship : I had to really think about this one. It's hard to say because when I was growing up, it was illegal to depict homosexual themes or content in the media. It actually still kind of is that way, although they've relaxed their standards for censorship a little. After racking my brains, I think I want to say it was......Yuki and Shuichi from Gravitation??? If not that, then Sirius and Remus from Harry Potter. One of those two. Also, after talking to my bestie about this one I remembered "ship" also encompasses het lmao. In that case it would be Buttercup and Butch from the Powerpuff Girls because that's the first fanfic I ever wrote xd

last song : Feels Alright by Spoon. Recently for black friday I didn't want to wait for something to be shipped to me so I drove 4 hours round trip over to a best buy warehouse in the central valley to pick it up, and I probably listened to this song for two hours straight on the way. This song is from their newest album, and I love that they haven't drastically changed their sound, only polished it -- they still have the same grungy Austin rock and roll feel that I fell in love with in high school.

last film : I'll skip over opining on the real answer for this bc it was despicable me and I didn't like it much lol. But before that, I embarked on a journey with some friends to watch every single Jurassic Park movie, and I'm proud to say that we succeeded. No one asked but here is my ranking: 1. Jurassic Park (original) 2. Jurassic World 3. Jurassic Park III 4. Jurassic World: Dominion 5. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom 6. The Lost World: Jurassic Park

currently reading : Embarrassed to say that I'm not in the middle of reading anything right now, there's a couple of books I've been meaning to get around to (captive prince xd) that I just need to work up the motivation for. But I am thinking about reading the book that Fellow Travelers was inspired by because lol brainrot

currently consuming : "honeycomb banana milk" that I got from a boba place yesterday. In terms of media, I'm crying screaming about Fellow Travelers every day. I recently finished a playthrough of Baldur's Gate and I just started Persona 5 Tactica.

currently craving : Nothing in particular, although every day I wish that I could play Outer Wilds for the first time again.

tagging friends old n new, but no pressure!! @whitnerd @lobotomizes @exampleofinconsistency @yuki119 @somanyjacks @benicemurphy @mastershearts @aquathunder @sxnnoh

[tankbredgrunt]

End of year wrap-ups, 2023

It's presently June while I start to write this, and I thought if I wanted to put together a list of media consumed over 2023 I could at least get an early start, for as much my sake of mindfulness and talking about the things I loved/hated. If you're interested too, you can read more; first is video games, then music, then movies and tv, then books. If you feel like talking about anything in here don't hesitate! This is going to be a nightmare to tag though so, I probably won't lmao.

Nothing is necessarily ranked in order either btw, and just because I didn't write any thoughts with something doesn't mean I disliked it. Just no thoughts you know? I could have thoughts though. For the right price.

Viddy Games

For the games I haven't yet beaten but did spent some time playing, I made 12 hours of progress into Hollow Knight and am very keen to get back into it; I played Cyberpunk 2077 for about 47 hours, and am very keen to get back into it; Baldur's Gate 3 has ~9 hours at this moment, and I'm keen, etc; and Starfield has 32 hours in it and I am NOT keen to get back into it. I can get into that later though. 🏆 means I got the Platinum achievement trophy too :3

Last of Us Part 1 (x2)/Last of Us PS4 Remaster (x3)/Last of Us PS3 (x1) 🏆 - 5 stars On top of regular playthroughs, this year also marked the dip into Grounded mode. I completed one Grounded round on the Part 1 PS5 remake, and 2 more on the PS4 remaster (for the achievements). It would be impossible to discuss the reasons why I love this game so much so I will spare yall, a mercy dedicated to anyone who's already had to/gotten to hear me go on about it. I also got two TLoU tattoos this year. Ask me about my theories still though. One of my favorite moments from my 2nd Grounded run (Including one of the nearly-100 fuck ups leading up to that point):

Death Stranding - 5 stars I'm coming in to write about this one retroactively, because I've spent all this time since beating the game thinking about it. Did I understand half of what was going on? Vaguely, but it was beautiful, and heartfelt, and the world was interesting, and it satisfied the need I had to go outside and run my errands. Loved Cliff's character, and his plight as a father, how he carried it with him to the afterlife, and his speech to Sam is on loop constantly as a goosebumps generator. All the webs this story weaved came together and fray in such intriguing ways.

Detroit: Become Human (x2) - 5 stars These were my third and fourth playthroughs of this game and I find myself fonder for this little game each time I play. The perfect example of how a setting is so much deeper for the things it DOESN'T say than the things it does, once you think consider it. Under the cover of fun little robots, this world is so bleak, and I love the thought experiments. A very good example, imo, of what kind of tool cyberpunk really is as a setting. Quantic Dream also slips in one unanswered aspect into each of their stories, and while it's true that the ambiguity can be frustrating, Quantic Dream accidentally does it in a way that I find so alluring. Ra9, in this case, examining the clues on my own, coming to my own conclusions. It lets the world live on after the games have ended. I don't care about having answers--the game focused on what it needed to. It was not a portal into the greater world, it was one into Kara, Connor, and Marcus. We can look at the world on our own.

Disco Elysium - 4 stars Admittedly while this one took me a few months to finish, with a break spanning between November 2022 to March, and often found it VERY dense with information, I still really enjoyed myself. It's also the sort of narrative that is very self-aware, and as such pokes fun at itself, and as another such is sometimes lost under a few too many layers of irony and sarcasm. It's a bit hard sometimes to know what information to take seriously and what to disregard. As wonts these sorts of games the content is made entirely of dialog, very reading heavy, and puts me to sleep--I couldn't imagine playing this game without the stellar voice acting. Haunting and comedic sometimes even in the same line of dialog, I'm glad I found it after the Final Cut was released. Highly recommend, looking forward to another play-through.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom - 4 stars I loved BotW from the moment I got my Switch on launch day. Interestingly with TotK, I found my high opinion slipping the more I played, and too afterward. It seems more and more to me that Nintendo isn't exactly as keyed into what people are looking for with Zelda as they thought. TotK comes complete with shallow villains and anime tropes and a bastardization of a fair bit of the work done in BotW. It is not a story that is aware of it's own narrative, characters, or concepts. I don't say this as a person who demands to know which timeline and where exactly it takes place, only as someone invested in the universe and hopes to have somethings meaningfully extrapolated on. I'm hungry for subversion. Won't get much of that with this game sadly. That said, where gameplay was concerned I still really enjoyed myself. Before release I was worried how they would fill a world I've already spent 300+ hours exploring, and it turned out the answers were 2 entirely new maps and a largely transformed overworld. Discovering the newness in a world I already knew so well was fantastical. The building mechanics were enchanting, the shrines legitimately challenging, and the world still fun to explore. Don't see myself replaying for quite a while though, if ever, which was also the case with BotW. EDIT: having read and heard of all the nightmares about this games development since I've played it, just have to say 😬 yikes dude. Really recontextualizes the story for me. Idk though the gameplay was still super fun, so where an overall rating is concerned, I'm a bit conflicted. I'll leave it where it is I guess but let the record show it's still a Yikes from me about certain things.

Heavy Rain - 3.5 stars So, in the driver's seat of this, I found myself not doing much else besides complaining. The controls on the PC port are horrible; the 'twist' was less that and more... dishonest; voice acting was rough; David Cage exists; etc. But idk dude!! Something about it was still as charming as the first time!! It's been just about 10 years since I first played it at release, and the nostalgia was strong. It was a perfect distraction from real life at the time, and I've always looked back on the game fondly, though I've never replayed it. There ARE functional things I do dislike about the plot and writing and the awful ending, which discounts its score to the 3.5 star rating, but idk yall. I find Norman dorky and lovable, flawed yet well-intentioned; Ethan is a desperate dad trying to correct mistakes he still can't reconcile with; even Scott's motivations are understandable. I, like one key character, cannot deny that seeing a dad do whatever it takes to save his son? I'll have what he's having.

Oxenfree - 3 stars One thing about me is I have a great hatred for time travel stories. They always inevitably fall short. Oxenfree however used what I believe are the true assets of the trope. The struggle of fate, predetermination, and how-could-anything-be-different. (I also believe a key function of time travel stories is the character's understanding that they aren't the first version of themselves caught in the loops but that's a different convo). Anyway the ambiguous ending was also a big win to me. All in all a fun little game. Give it a try if you want some low-stakes entertainment with a good story.

The Uncharted series - a mixed bag So this doesn't include Uncharted 1, which I played damn near a decade ago when I first got my PS4 and the Nathan Drake collection. My thoughts on that are hazy but one I remember vividly--fuck the ship level. Anyway I mark this as mixed bag because my feelings towards it are complicated. I still felt the essence of NaughtyDog throughout, their care for their characters and sympathetic storytelling. While not as morally gray as their TLoU stuff, and rated Teen, it was still compelling, and despite my intense grievances with the combat systems in 1-2-3, I never questioned whether I would continue with the next game. However. Those grievances. Holy shit. Snap-to-cover is NEVER the answer, game devs. I know and forgive that games 1-3 are over a decade old, developers have better tools and understanding now. See an example of my jimmies being rustled here:

Take a shot each time a headshot doesn't hit. For gameplay reasons only I can't give the first 3 games any higher than 3 stars. And even though 3 has the best story of the 3, gameplay might even knock that one down to a 2. Anywho, the whiplash in quality between 3 and 4 was insane. I played the PS5 port, and loved everything about 4. Loved Sam, loved baby Nate, loved the story. It was as if ND had kept a .txt file of every single issue up till that point and corrected each of them. Seeing the bones of TLoU2 was also nice. Phenomenal game, and I look forward to playing it again sometime soon. Ratings for each game go: Uncharted 2 and 3 - 3 stars Uncharted 4 - 5 stars Uncharted: Lost Legacy - 4 stars Sadly I don't have the tools or plans to play the PSP game. PS Vita? Either way.

Last of Us Part 2 (x3) - 4 stars This was probably my 3rd time playing TLoU2, and while I don't have many strong comments to make concerning the story, I feel like this was finally the first time I truly understood Ellie's character in this game. The truth of her grief and what it was really over. And Abby as well, how she wasn't just a foil for Ellie, but for Joel as well. That said, I do still feel I would love this game so much more if it was just told linearly. The pacing is DOGshit dude, wow. Love it though. I've also completed a Grounded playthrough and got the Plat trophy this year as well, which I only mention for bragging rights 💅

Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice 🏆 - 5 stars I don't think I have much to say about this game besides general comments about how phenomenal the experience was. Never played anything like it. Fun exploration, environmental puzzles, great visuals. Combat was good, sound design was excellent. Story was good, acting was amazing. All around VERY thrilled I played.

Assassin’s Creed: Mirage 🏆 - 5 stars I GOTTA SAY, This game surprised the hell out of me. I’m on a journey to play all the Assassin’s Creed games; so far I’ve finished 8 out of ~18. For how badly Valhalla sucked ass I was hesitant to play this one, since it acts as a sort of prequel to a particular character, but DAMN if this didn’t completely surprise me. The world was incredibly fun to explore, and even included environmental puzzles. You will legitimately feel like an assassin with the amount of player freedom this game gives you, and the story was just as good. Best Assassin’s Creed game? 👀 Hard to say till I’ve finished them all but so far it’s absolutely a contender. Basim I love youuuuuu

Unmentioned, in alphabetical order: [Assassin's Creed 1 - 2.5 stars; Assassin's Creed 2 - 3.5 stars; Assassin's Creed: Chronicles: China - 3 stars; Assassin's Creed: Chronicles: India - 3.5; Assassin's Creed: Chronicles: Russia - 3.5 stars; Beyond: Two Souls - 3 stars; Ghost of Tsushima - 4 stars; Gone Home - 3 stars; Indigo Prophecy - 2 stars; It Takes Two - 3 stars; A Plague Tale: Innocence - 3.5 stars; The Quarry - 2.5 stars; SEASON - 3 stars; Spider-Man 2 (2023) 🏆 - 3 stars; Stray - 3.5 stars; Super Mario Wonder - 4 stars; Twin Mirror - 3 stars; Viewfinder - 3.5 stars; A Way Out - 3.5 stars; Where the Goats Are - 3 stars]

Starfield: Putting this one down here at the bottom so I don't start this list out with complaining lol. Anyway the fact this game was nominated for Best RPG at the game awards tells me they don't play some of the games they nominate lol. I don't think I've ever had an experience like this game gave me. I somehow played 30 hours, and had a great time, before realizing it was bad. Nothing happened in the story to stop me, there wasn't suddenly a new gameplay mechanic that I didn't agree with. There was just something in the glamour of those 30 hours that got me. Maybe it was the father figure referring to me with neutral pronouns. But anyway I guess I just came to my senses. I took a break to play something different, came back, and it was an entirely different game. The overworld is barren. They expect you to explore hundreds of plants that have nothing on them besides some minerals and animals you scan. These are laaaaarge swaths of time spent running back and forth in near silence, because not only is there next to nothing meaningful to interact with on these worlds, your companion repeats the same 5 quips the entire time. There are no tools to traversing the overworld more quickly, so you are running for thousands of kilometers so you can scan a useless monument and get 20XP. There is no incentive to exploring, there is no incentive to doing anything other than fast-traveling to your next destination--until the game stops you for not having the appropriate ship parts installed, and you realize it's going to be a 5 hour grind to upgrade that part. Looking back at those 30 hours I enjoyed, this was all still there, but idk man, idk. For this amount of content this should have only been a $30 game, MAX, and they sell it for $70. But I bought it for $70, so who is the real chump here. I think the only thing I truly enjoyed (besides Sam Coe) was the mission 'Entangled', where you are unwillingly forced between two alternate universes, due to an experiment in a research facility. It sits right on the cusp of horror, between one universe where the research facility exploded and nature took it back, and another where the explosion never happened. There is drama, intrigue, decisions, exploration, everything. Nothing else in the game came close at all to touching that and I'm mad I spent so long before realizing it. Who wrote this mission, so I can thank you?

Music (and the lyrics that make it)

My complete 2023 favorites Spotify playlist

Favorite albums: Preacher's Daughter by Ethel Cain Slut Pop by Kim Petras Guard Dog by Searows I Let It in and It Took Everything by Loathe Heavy Glow by Soulkeeper

Individual tracks and my favorite lyric: Master & A Hound by Gregory Alan Isakov 'Where were you when I was still kind?' Sun Bleached Flies by Ethel Cain 'If it's meant to be then it will be.' Don't Keep Driving by The Paper Kites 'There's nothing wrong with a little space. But not right now; don't leave.' Honey Dripping Sky by Georgia 'No matter how hard we try, I won't deny--it's for you.' Coming Clean by Searows 'If I kill you would I have to forgive you still?' Francesca by Hozier 'I’d tell them put me back in it. [Darling,] I would do it again.'

TV and Movies

I am severely illiterate when it comes to movies so the goal this year was to have watched at least one movie a week. Did I succeed,Future Me? [Yeah!]

Kingsman: Secret Service and :Golden Circle - 5 and 4 stars The cinematography?? The choreography? Hello? Across both movies, they were all so incredible. While Secret Service was my favorite of the two, Golden Circle had my favorite fight (though the church scene is a clooooose second)(Pedro Pascal I love you):

Gentlemen Bronco - 2 stars This movie was dull as shit BUT, it had one of my favorite scenes of the year.

Knock at the Cabin - 3.5 stars Just wanna put this one here real quick to get the Worms out--what was the point? Narratively, what was the point? I have been rolling this movie around my head since I watched last night and I'm hoping to read the book soon for better context, but man. While I enjoyed this movie a lot I just do not follow the themes, more so considering the ending. Was it a fight against providence and predetermination, only to prove its own point? The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (Mr. Spock)? I can't tell exactly what this movie was asking me. As a rule I generally don't enjoy stories where the psychos are proved right with no closer examination of the themes and circumstances. Like yeah the MCs being a gay couple framed the story differently but that is also just a side effect of having distinctive characters lmao. It also insulated some sacrificial-minority stuff? Weird. And asks no questions about fate or anything, which is a wild loop considering Andrew's previous history with Redmond (a red herring? However I feel if the intro of a red herring completely recontextualizes the larger possibilities of the world, then it's not a good red herring, it's lazy). Ultimately I understand a theme is save your family or save humanity--it's on the DVD cover lol. But yeah man idk. All the other stuff, it made for a weird soup that I just cannot decipher. Anyway. EDIT: I have since read the source novel and it was incredible. I will not be watching any more Shyamalan movies lmao

Pacific Rim - 5 stars I also don't have anything much deeper to say about this than gotTDAMN dude, what a good fucking movie. I decided to watch because of all the Pacific Rim AUs that take place in fandom, and I decided I finally needed to know why and I DO know why now because good lord. What a good movie. That said the sequel was a hot pile.

The Arrival - 3 stars The way this movie had my heart racing the entire time--and shat it all away at the immediate end. Pure whiplash. "You know what surprised me the most? It wasn't meeting them. It was meeting you." What kind of straight nonsense. What kind of anticlimactic. What kind of bullshit. I was immediately snapped to my senses, I'm not over exaggerating. Insanity.

Unmentioned, in alphabetical order: [After Yang - 4 stars; Assassin's Creed (2016) - 2 stars; Asteroid City - 4 stars; Barbie - 4 stars; Begotten (1990) - 2 stars; Bullet Train - 4 stars; Come and See (1985) - 3 stars; Dead Poets Society - 3 stars; El Dorado - 3 stars; Grave Encounters - 3 stars; The Green Knight - 4 stars; The Hateful Eight - 5 Stars; IT and IT: Chapter 2 - 4 stars; Jennifer's Body - 3 stars; King of the Hill (all 13 seasons) - episode determinate; Knives Out - 5 stars; Knives Out: Glass Onion - 2 stars; Labyrinth - 2 stars; Lady Bird - 3 stars; Lake Mungo - 3 stars; The Lighthouse - 3 stars; Mad Max: Fury Road - 3 stars; The Magnificent Seven (1960) - 4 stars; The Magnificent Seven (2016) - 3.5 stars; Martyr (2008) - 3 stars; Matrix - 3 stars; Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions - 1 star; The Menu - 4 stars; Midnight Mass - 4 stars; My Own Private Idaho - 3 stars; NOPE - 4 stars; Once Upon a Time in the West - DNF; Possum - 3 stars; The Power of the Dog - 3 stars; RE: Damnation, Death Island, Degeneration, Infinite Darkness, and Vendetta - 3 stars; Saltburn - 3.5 stars; Seven Samurai (1954) - 3 stars; The Shape of Water - 4.5 stars; Skinamarink - 3 stars; Star Trek: The Motion Picture - 2.5 stars; ST: Search for Spock and ST: Voyage Home - 4 stars; ST: The Wrath of Khan - 4.5 stars; The Thing (1982) - 3 stars; The Thing From Another World (1951) - 3 stars; Tideland (2005) - 2 stars; Unforgiven - 4 stars; The VVitch - 3 stars]

Favorite Books

The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez - 5 stars I have never EVER in my life read a book like this one, and I urge everyone to give it a try. Two men must escort a dying god across the country in order to stop the control of her tyrannical children. If you aren't digging the book, at least try and make it 100 pages in. The beginning, like every chunky fantasy, is a bit of a tough learning experience, and the uniqueness of the prose didn't exactly make it an easier task. However, it makes it extremely lyrical and poetic, and intriguing. The entire package is mind-blowingly unique. AND it ends happily, if that makes you feel better.

To Be Taught, If Fortunate by Becky Chambers - 5 stars My thoughts on this little story aren't overly complex or anything, I just found the setting very nice, the B plot concerning Earth interesting, and the ambiguous ending intriguing. While the events might be a little harrowing it was the hopeful attitude of the prose and characters that made it very comforting nonetheless. I loved the experience while I was reading it, and think about the ending now, even all these months after reading.

The Sleeping Car Porter by Suzette Mayr - 4 stars A black sleep car porter tries to keep his job and his sanity after their train is stopped by a mudslide. Before this I can say I'd never read anything in this setting before, and it was what drew me in initially, but it was the writing that really captivated me. The narrative has a very intimate feeling, nostalgic almost, as if you're hearing the story secondhand even as you read. It's also refreshing when a book just says 'cock', and no extra-curricular euphemisms. Where's that video of Taron Egerton saying cock over and over btw cause I can't find it

The Magpie Coffin by Wile E Young - 4 stars The first in a collection of splatterpunk westerns?? It was so fun to read, and the cover is so badass. It knew what it was and it did so well.

In the Distance by Hernan Diaz - 4 stars A young Swedish boy, separated from his brother, fends for himself in the early USA west. I was on hold for this through my library for nearly a month and a half, so by the time I got it in my grubby hands my exciting was pretty high. Though I found much of it slow, I was still somehow on the edge of my seat. It's a crime that this was the Pulitzer runner-up, and that Less by Andrew Greer won instead. It's been a very very long time since I've felt so strongly about the well-being and outcome of a character but Hakan if you're out there--I love you.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins - 5 stars

Nothing to add to this decade long conversation other than this holds up :’) I was gasping like I was in high school again, reading it for the first time.

Honorable mentions, in alphabetical order by author last name: [A Psalm for the Wild Built and A Prayer for the Crown Shy by Becky Chambers - 4 stars; How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix - 4 stars; Texas Outlaw by Richard Jessup - 4 stars; Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie - 4 stars; Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - 4 stars; Helpmeet by Naben Ruthnum - 4 stars; The Power of the Dog by Thomas Savage - 4 stars; East of Eden by John Steinbeck - 5 stars; The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay - 4.5 stars]

LEAST Favorite Books

I'm nothing if not a hater so I wanted to give some space to the books I most disliked.

Less by Andrew Sean Greer - DNF SAUR upset that this won the Pulitzer prize of its year instead of In The Distance by Hernan Diaz. 100 pages into it and I could not find anything redeeming about the main character. Pretentious, bitter. Like maybe that was his arc? He would outgrow that maybe. But it was just not the book nor the characters for me, unfortunately, so I did not stick around long enough for that to happen.

Bath Haus by PJ Vernon - DNF WHEW boy was the writing in this one bad. Like yall ever read a queer book and just know it was written for straight people? Let me find a picture I took of one paragraph.

Yikes and a half, dude. Anyway

Meat by Joseph D'Lacey - 1 star This was just plain bad. Like 'Oh isn't it so crazy they're eating people?? They're treating people like cattle, that's so demented right??' No. Not really. There's cannibalism in the cannibalism genre? Get a grip. I live near Donner Pass, we got cannibalism in the water here. Although maybe I'm also partially to blame for expecting some deeper storytelling from splatterpunk.

The Troop by Nick Cutter - 2 stars I don't know that I have anything really critical to say about this book other than I just didn't enjoy it. Writing was fine, prose was fine. It's told a bit out of order, think Carrie by Stephen King--snippets of interviews and articles detailing the aftermath of the events of the book. I do remember thinking that the facts were contradicting themselves a few times but was really not invested enough to care too deeply. The isolated, abandoned feeling we get from the island was nice, and the atmosphere good, I just don't believe Nick Cutter is a good writer. A bit too many slurs in here as well, methinks.

Books I DNF'd: With 15 in total this was the year of DNFing for me; it's amazing was Prozac can do for a person. (Disclaimer: I've only listed 13 of them here. The other two had to go back to the library before I could finish them so I marked them as technical DNFs :( and it doesn't feel right to include them in this list for haters)

Bath Haus by PJ Vernon (explained above) The Singularities by John Banville (nothing offensive, just didn't vibe. Books will often try way too hard on the opening paragraph and I'm not here for a philosophy lesson as I crack open a book you know what I mean) Heartless by Marissa Meyer (I just don't think YA does it for me anymore) There's Someone Inside Your House by Stephanie Perkins (" ") If We Were Villains by ML Rio (I just don't like being lectured and this book was clearly written for someone who wasn't me lol) Pretty Girls by Karin Slaughter (I find that a lot of times thrillers written by women employ stereotypes against men and their 'perverse' sexual tastes. The lines between pornography/fantasy and reality don't seem as nuanced in this genre, unfortunately. A man is not immediately a villain because he enjoys CNC or roleplay, and the pearl clutching is a little tired) Campfire Cooking in Another World by Ren Eguchi (why is every light novel like this:

The Lies of Locke Lamore by Scott Lynch (this was too quippy for my tastes. It was a little too busy being clever and not busy enough being interesting.) Less by Andrew Greer (Mean Gays, the next Tina Fay movie) Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey (just wasn't my cuppa) Riders of the Purple Sage by Zane Grey (I read a review that counted how many times Zane Grey used 'sage' in this book. I don't remember the number but there was a lot of them. Too much mormanism going on, just wasn't my cuppa) The Cold Dish by Craig Johnson (only alright, not bad but wasn't going anywhere fast. More of a character focused, soft bit of mystery, which was fine, I just didn't find myself enjoying the characters either) Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett (I just wasn’t vibing you know how it is)

2023 Reading Statistics

I also keep a track of the pages read and ratings, as well as genre, where I read the book and in what format, so I'll put that here too for posterity's sake. And If you'd like, I use GoodReads, and we can be friends!

62 books read 18,217 pages in total 3.25 average star rating 19 (30.6%) of the books read were owned; 43 (69.4%)(nice) were from the library 14 (75.8%) were physical books; 12 (19.4%) were ebooks; 3 (4.8%) were audiobooks

That's it! I don't make reading goals anymore, in terms of how many to read, but I do know I want to TRY and read the copy of Battle Royal I've had since my junior year of high school. And I'd like to try and finish the Tsubasa manga series, since I never made it past volume 15 I think. I can't think of anything other than that! It was a good year!

[alo-piss-trancy]

Okay so my playthrough clocked in at a little over 93 hours. Though probably a couple hours longer than that bc it took me 4 times to beat the Final Fight and there was also a couple of other optional boss encounters that kicked my ass lmao

BIG DA:O SPOILERS BELOW!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So fun fact: I fucked my playthrough up at like the 87 hour mark 😭💔 I tried to be a decent person and not kill Loghain and let him go through with the Joining. Did not expect that Allistaire would throw a WHOLE-ASS TANTRUM and ditch us for good right before the final fight 🤬

Like bro I GET why you were hurt and angry but also??? This is literally a war to save a zillion lives we needed all the help we could get. Loghain was gonna die anyway. You bitched at me EVERY OTHER TIME I killed somebody (ok Connor was an accident. But he bitched me out over Brother Genetivi when he was gonna reveal the ashes and everything?!?). Bro goes on and on about honor and helping ppl and the Grey Wardens and then he literally just DIPS before the biggest fight ever. I thought he was gonna come back at the end and help when he came to his senses but NAH. WE'RE STRAIGHT UP DIVORCED FOREVER HE DIDN'T COME BACK OR COME TO MY CEREMONY AFTER. I NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN 😭💔💔💔💔 GLAD U LET UR HALF-SISTER DIE BITCH IM P SURE GOLDANNA'S HOUSE WAS RUBBLE IN BURNED-DOWN DENERIM. FUCK OFF YOU WHINY SELFISH PRICK I LOST SO MUCH RESPECT FOR YOU

Also Morrigan left that night too bc I wouldn't go with her fucked up demon baby plan lmao. Which I don't fault her for to be fair, I get she couldn't bear to see her only friend EVER die ☠️ I'm actually hype af for my future morally-awful playthru bc I will DEFINITELY be seeing that plan then lmao.

But yeah. MY CHARACTER GOT TO FINISH THE GAME AND GO THRU THE BIG FINALE FIGHT WITHOUT THE TWO BIGGEST SUPPORTERS THAT GOT HER THERE AND STARTED THE JOURNEY 😭😭😭 SHIT H U R T S

If I didn't have Leiliana and Meatball as my ride-or-dies my protag woulda been completely devastated for real like COME ON 😭💔 THANK GOD FOR HER BESTIE AND HER DOG THE REAL MVPS 😔🙏

Actually I was a little let down by the final fight. Like it was a cool concept and I enjoyed getting to play with the ballistas bc u keep seeing them in other parts of the game. But I basically had to play as Leiliana the whole time ajdkdjj. I built my character as a badass warrior with BUSTED strength and it was lowkey useless bc the final boss is out of range for 90% of the fight and I sold my crossbow to Sandal for more healing potions. Broooo 😭☠️💔

So yeah uh. SUPER awesome game I loved 90% of it (the combat on ps3 actually kills my hands bc of the constant L2 holding or tapping for radial menu and giving orders. SO PAINFUL please tell me they change this in the sequels it fucking HURTS). Fyi it actually was an interesting ending, I don't fault it and actually thematically it was cool to team up with Loghain for the last few hours, I'm just emotionally butthurt my whole imagined future with Allistaire went down the drain 😭💔 I love how many choices you get in this game tho and how they aren't always predictable. It's nice to not be able to 'game the system' for a 'perfect' ending as much as say, P5 or similar rpg/jrpgs lol. I like that you can fuck up REAL BAD with your companions lmao.

I have the other 2 games on ps3 waiting, fighting the urge to dive into 2 asap bc I want to digest Origins first but mmmm. I see why ppl went crazy for these. If I'd had these a decade ago I woulda replayed SO MANY times for real, this is what I wanted out of Skyrim story/companion-wise 🙏

[purplesurveys]

1793

Yesterday

1) What was the weather like? Did it change your plans in any way? It was extremely sunny during the day which kind of sucked, because yesterday my family played host to a family reunion on the rooftop and the weather made things feel a little uncomfortable. In the afternoon, while the sun did hide for a bit it ended up being super humid anyway, so in either case it really just ended up being a super sweaty affair lol.

We addressed it by making sure our aircon in the living room was turned on the entire afternoon, so that anyone who starts to feel super hot or dizzy can choose to go down – which is why it ended up pissing me off when I caught a few people not even trying to hide their bitchings about how hot it was at our place and yet refused to go downstairs when I offered. Complaints are classic Filipino guest things but something I've never learned how to tolerate so I was pretty irritated from the get-go of that damn reunion.

2) What did you do yesterday, anyway? Helped my parents host said reunion, for the most part. I was so exhausted from all the walking and hosting and socializing all over the house so ngl I was knocked out from like 5 to 8, right after people left ha. When I woke up earlier this evening I spent a few hours playing a game on my phone and now I'm here winding down with a couple of surveys. Not a very eventful Saturday which is how I prefer my weekends to be.

3) Did you eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner? What did you have? I didn't have breakfast as usual. Lunch wasn't a full meal for me, I just got like 3 pieces of sushi from our reunion spread. I also didn't have dinner and just made a cup of coffee which is still right next to me.

4) Did you do some form of exercise? What? If going up and down the stairs 200 times counts as exercise then it would be that.

5) Who did you spend the most time with? My sister. Out of the huge crowd at home, we knew each other the best so we stuck together, lol.

6) What television shows or movies did you watch? I finished Gyeongseong Creature super early on in the morning (like, technically I was watching it from Friday then it bled into the midnight hours of Saturday haha), then I also played a couple episodes of Friends for the very few people who were in my age group in the reunion.

7) What time did you get up and go to bed? I got up at like 9. Went to sleep at 3 AM earlier.

8) What was the best bit about yesterday? I can't decide between watching Gyeongseong Creature and getting to eat sushi.

9) What about the worst? Being bombarded with work messages on a Saturday. My work! Makes me! Depressed!

10) Did you talk to anyone on the phone? Who? Why? My mom needed help ordering additional food for the reunion so she called me up while she was doing last few errands at the grocery so I can take care of it.

Today

1) What time did you get up? I just got up and it's currently nearly a half hour past 8.

2) What are your plans for today? I'll be taking my family to my favorite ramen place for lunch, then later in the afternoon I'll be seeing my close friends for our super late Christmas party.

3) Have you eaten any meals yet? What did you have? None yet. I don't mind not eating for a few more hours because I'll be eating a lot today lmao, so I'd rather save up the hunger so I can fully pig out for both lunch and dinner.

4) Are you planning on seeing your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend? Yup! I'm seeing Angela, Reena, and Hans later for dinner/Christmas party. I don't think we've been together since...August? In any case, we'll be at our fav Korean spot so I'm looking forward to it.

5) Does your favorite television show air today? Breaking Bad ended 11 years ago.

6) Have you spoken to your parents yet? Nopes.

7) How many texts have you received? I haven't gotten anything yet for today.

8) Are you planning on going to bed early? I never do on Sundays because I never look forward to Mondays.

9) Have you done anything remotely productive today? Nope. The full load of my day will start in like an hour when we head to our usual Sunday mass and after that I'm going to be traveling everywhere hahaha. BGC for ramen, then I might have to shop for clothes for my Seventeen concert next week, then head home so I can drive out for dinner with friends.

10) How much money did you spend so far? Are you planning on spending more later? None yet as it's only 8 but I am for sure going to be pulling out my card a few times today.

Tomorrow

1) What time do you have to get up tomorrow? Around 8.

2) What do you hope the weather will be like? Chilly but not too chilly. Cold weather feels so good that it makes me miserable when at work, because when the weather is comfy like that all I want to do is rest. So it'll be nice if it were cold, but I hope it's not too comfy!cold that all I'll think about is why I'm not in bed, lol.

3) Is there anything you’re dreading about tomorrow? The fact that I have work and that it's Monday.

4) Is there anything important you need to do, or can you just relax? Nope, can't relax.

5) Do you have plans to see your friends? No, I never have time to during weekdays.

6) What do you hope will happen tomorrow? I hope my schedule will be nice to me.

7) Are you going to wake up at home, or somewhere else? Just at home.

8) If you don’t have any plans, what do you think you’ll end up doing? I'll be working.

9) Do you have to get a work out in at some point? Nope.

10) Will you be working or studying at all? Yes.

[basileus]

Caity's 2023 Most Enjoyed List

This isn't a real reclist, but a list for me to squirrel away all the things I enjoyed this year before it's over. It's a little all over the place but this was a mess of a year so I suppose my most enjoyed list can be a mess as well. See you later 2023, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Media:

1 - "Lena" by qntm. This is a very short story in the format of a Wikipedia article that gives me so many delightful shivery feelings about consciousness and trans-humanism and who owns the rights to machine learning/AI datasets. Very topical this year.

2 - Dungeon Meshi finished its publication and the final chapter made me cry real tears. I've been following the series for 8+ years and it is everything good with comics - art, world building, the engagement and subversion of fantasy tropes, relationships, story, recipes, the casual cannibalism, the ending. All perfect. Ryoko Kui is a genius. I am very excited for the anime airing next week.

"I think the entire point of this journey we went on was about learning how to accept death."

"Meals are the special privilege of the living. In order to stay alive, we need to keep eating."

3 - I read a lot of questionable cnovels this year but I really enjoyed two. The first was The Villainous Shizun Is As Beautiful As A Flower which is a shorter BL Shizun fucker cultivation romance. The arc after the MC finds his father goes on for a little too long (and the timeskip is awkward) but the MC is engaging enough that I didn't mind. This was a very fun quick read that I want to talk more about.

The second was For Love of the Game which is an e-sports danmei where an former actor falls in love with the captain of his fake League of Legends team (lmao). Look. Okay. I was on a kick and actually read FOUR e-sports BL novels this year and this was the one I enjoyed the most. I loved that the MC and ML had an established relationship before ever meeting face to face. Some of the reviews are salty about the ML's sneaky plotting side but both I and the MC were into it! The MC was even into the terrible secondhand embarrassing singing confession scene. But beyond the main couple, I LOVED the side paring of their "old" player and the captain on the rival team. I even got into the stupid video game strategy stuff. I had a great time.

I also re-read Who Dares Slander My Senior Brother and Where is Our Agreement to be Each Other’s Arch-Rivals? now that the translations are finished and enjoyed both of them again free from the tortures of machine translated cultivation terms. I still think both suffer from 3rd act issues. But damn did I like both ships.

(As a note - this is a list of likes but my highest high to highest disappointment cnovel was Cannon Fodder Fake Master Was Stunned After Being Reborn which I'm not even going to link because I'm still mad about it. The idol arc and the triple baby swap reveal made me so crazy invested I was literally telling my sisters the entire plot scene by scene as I read. But the last couple arcs ruined the romance/plot. I HATED the ML by the end. What haaaaappened.)

4 - I remained pretty into the SCP Foundation this year, but instead of the wiki itself, I spent a lot of time listening to the SCP Archives podcast and The Exploring Series podcast episodes. I really enjoyed the radio play aspect of the SPCA but I also enjoy how the Exploring series is just listening to some dude give you lore dumps. Its the ideal painting, journaling, chore, driving, etc. podcast for me. Check out Exploring the SCP Foundation: The ABCs of Death (Compilation) for TWELVE HOURS of great SCPs. Crazy stuff.

5 - Fire Emblem Engage and Fire Emblem Heroes. Not a ton to say on these but I enjoyed them! Ike/Soren continues to cook in FEH and I finished up merging/ascending my Eirika collection because she is the prettiest princess in the entire world.

6 - Among Us. I played..... a lot of Among Us this year with both my discord friends and new friends. Moving on.

7 - Silo on Apple TV. I'm a little burnt out on apocalypse media right now but I started watching Silo when I was also reading Red Rising and it got my brain working on all of these humanity is most human in the soil! the unfeeling earth feeds us! kinda thoughts. Rebecca Ferguson is the prettiest woman in the entire world.

8 - Speaking of digging, @Kala on Tiktok who is tunneling a "suburban mine" under her house, presumably in an HOA community the eastern United States. Kala is actually in the process of being cancelled right now and people are making very boring "I told you so" videos because someone finally snitched on her to authorities for not having a permit to dig, install electrical work, weld, reinforce, "mine", etc. under her property. Obviously this is bad! This is not how people engaging in the social contract/not experiencing some sort of mental illness do things! But I work in Construction/Engineering and am still fully obsessed with her. Hobby tunneling is so fascinating and here is someone who is documenting it for the internet. Let her dig!

Non-Media Related Likes:

1 - Volunteering once a month at my local hospital. I LOVED THIS. I got to hang out with friends and gossip for a couple hours every month, cook new giant recipes for families going through a hard time, and give back. Definitely going to continue this next year.

2 - Summer floating after work in my special "secret" river spot with a big floppy sunhat, a couple ciders, and someone to chat and watch the local birds (herons, turkey vultures, albatross, blackbirds) with. I brought 3 separate dates floating this year and it was the best idea. Will be happening again.

3 - Espresso martinis. I was actually sober for most of this year because I discovered I just like a fancy drink/excuse to go out and don't actually need the alcohol (and it's cheaper). But espresso martinis from this one tiny wood paneled bar in North Portland decorated like a hunting lodge where they make them extra frosted and sweet? Obsessed.

4 - Live music. Nothing as crazy as last year's 23 shows & 2 festivals (thank god) but shouting along to 'Batman' live at the perfect Front Bottoms show in late summer. The Michigander concert that I didn't even want to go to that felt like a house show. The Beaches on Christmas. Tons of local shows at Turn Turn (rip). So fun.

5 - Parasailing. I had never parasailed before my trip to Mexico this year. Who was gonna tell me it fucks! I want to go again right now.

6 - The weird local actor/play scene in Portland. I'm talking about a Cthulhu puppet show, publicly submitted one acts, a live acted Harry Potter rewrite where people shout along to Oppenheimer quotes, a horror fest in a theater so small they make you leave between acts and everyone in the lobby is talking about clown classes, and a one-man gay musical about ghosts. Where else except local theater will you spend $10 and a few hours watching someone pretend sprinkle themselves with seasonings and shove themselves in a large pot. This is the arts, babe. I am only going to attend more of these shows in 2024.

[1randomperson15]

I posted 6,410 times in 2022

That's 5,354 more posts than 2021!

109 posts created (2%)

6,301 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@samantha-kirkland

@fandomandsparkles

@sword-of-stardust

@dreamsclock

@findingjoynweirdstuff

I tagged 1,138 of my posts in 2022

#long post - 102 posts

#my stuff - 69 posts

#lmao - 50 posts

#interesting - 42 posts

#r/place <3 - 35 posts

#amazing - 30 posts

#<3 - 30 posts

#liveblogging - 19 posts

#dsmp spoilers - 15 posts

#mairimashita iruma kun spoilers - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i feel like the only parents that will do it right will be people who went unsupervised and loved it but knew it could've been so much wors

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

This is so weird he's a stranger but he's not that's Dream that's where they're supposed to be. This is the world we live in now, they're together. Finally

121 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

#4

@staff

152 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#3

The most important people to Iruma, everyone

166 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

#2

So, Ace Race...what happened?

To give everyone a clearer, more objective view of the situation, I present: the spreadsheet. It contains a list of every player's two times and placements and who disconnected (Keep in mind there could be more, these are just the names I saw in chat join/leave).

I calculated how many places players went up or down and how their time improved. They are color coded by team, and for your convenience I put three lists next to each other: The original placements, the new placements, and what the placements would look like if the only new times you counted were the players that disconnected. (This took seven hours).

Analysis under the cut

For the record, when the first player logged off (Captain Sparklez), there was 4:30 left, when the last player rejoined (Scar) there was 4:01 left, the first person (Dream) placed with 3:28 seconds left. they stopped the game with 1:20 left. And 5up, as far as I know, didn't even rejoin until after the race was over.

Fruit brought up the issue in chat at 2:29 left (after he finished), a few others agreed with him. Oli brought up redoing it with 2:07 left. I don't know whether the admins didn't notice or didn't realize how many people actually dc'd or figured teams were equally affected, but they announced a redo at 1:44. It was tight, they made a decision in 2 minutes and 17 seconds if they noticed everyone disconnecting. Or in less than a minute if they only noticed when people talked in chat, and they did stop the game 14 seconds later.

-

Now for some analysis, many players dropped a few placements and felt upset about it, thinking they did worse. This leads to them becoming more frustrated with the reset. I suspected they likely didn't, it was just there were quite a few really good ace race players that got discontented (Illumina, Fruitberries, HBomb).

The vast majority of players improved their time, often by a lot. The only ones that didn't were: Dream, Sapnap, InTheLittleWood, Smallishbeans, FoolishG, Badboyhalo, and AntVenom.

To my knowledge: Dream tried and failed to copy Purpled's skip several times, Martyn had a really good run the first time/tried skips, and Ant's trident didn't work/he tried skips. Joel, Sap, and Bad's were 0-2 seconds worse. I don't know what happened to Foolish (lack of morale ?)

As to be expected, everyone who disconnected improved majorly from 45 seconds to over 1 minute and 30 seconds. Most also rose quite a few placements, but not all. And not enough to account for all the upset in the new placements, so what else?

Well, those who practiced for ace race a lot, vod reviewed, and had experience was now void of those advantages. Now, people had a fresh run, they are familiar with the movements needed, and they saw other people do skips that they can try.

Bad originally had a massive advantage because he has a unique way he practices it that familiarizes the movements to him, but that's now gone, though he only lost one second, he dropped 14 places. Hannah, on the other hand, had never played ace race in an event before. But with the reset, she did and thus performed much better, gaining 6 places.

Almost everyone got faster times, but certain people with certain circumstances were more affected by it. So players, rest assured, you probably did improve the second time around, others just improved more (others being players that were previously handicapped).

(Also Dream, yes it was at least 10 people that were dc'd, Skeppy has not played in 14 months and it was Fruit and Illumina.)

Here's the link if anyone was having trouble accessing it: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1TnIGRBftyOJUFE0IDK-cffCyTHVMVeQjeJ8nz-4egY4/edit?usp=sharing

I really hope this doesn't need to be said, but DO NOT use this as a basis to harass Scott or Noxite or any of the Noxcrew. I really hope this clears up some misunderstandings and make some people feel better, not make things worse. It was a tough decision, but I think it was by far the right one. You can see for yourself how much of a difference the disconnects made. Noxcrew does a lot every month to bring us the wonderful event that is MCC, Scott made the teams we're all so fond of, they just released the closed beta of MCC Island. No, things weren't perfect or ideal, but it was out of their control. Besides, we've only had 2 MCCs out of 24 that was this level of scuffed and I think that's a pretty damn good track record.

336 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The fact that Wil's stream, Skeppy's video, and even Phil's stream all made me laugh at one point or another really says something about Techno, I think

758 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[poppy-metal]

I just finished punch drunk love and I am so so attached to reader in that fic????

Maybe I'm looking too into this and I'll spend stupid if I say this but I feel like reader has major attachment and abandonment issues. This isn't another case of me relating way too much to YN in a fic (it totally is) but I somehow just know she's very depressed

1) from this quote from the fic:

“God, I love when you’re such a fuckin’ sap, you know that?”

I can tell that she's attached to eddie because he encouraged her to open up, to be vulnerable and be  human. But she relapses into a toxic state of dominance when she breaks up with eddie. It's very obvious that the last time she's ever been openly vulnerable was when they broke up and in that moment she was 'fucked over' by the love of her life. She knew that if she became vulnerable and emotional she might lose someone she really cares for and loves, so she's mean and stubborn as a shield from opening up to people and basically just being human

Here are some other quotes to back up my point:

"You're ashamed to feel tears burn your eyes. You hate crying. Emotional crying anyway. Especially when you spent two hours on this whole smokey eye look, fuck."

"You squirm as your eyes turn to Steve again. "And i didn't want you to know how much i liked being dominated....was too embarrassing. It's easier to just be a bitch. But i love you, steve. Come here?""

2) speaking of being vulnerable,  maybe she was scared of doing so because she met some toxic people in her life? This quote:

"You lean into Eddie's touch immediately, wanting to crawl into his lap, so you do. You can't believe you're lucky enough to have someone like him. He should be throwing you out, and banishing you from his trailer but instead he's saying You can have what you want? That he wants it too?"

Might imply that ppl have left reader in the dumps for acting the way she is (remember, she became mean, a prude and a cunt when she moved away)

3) she uses her attractiveness as an escape from opening up. When she was fucking eddie for a second time, she says this:

""Pl- missed you so much- my pussy missed you so much-""

She makes everything sex related to distract others from realizing how hopeless and depressed she is. If she wants to feel something, she has to do it sexually, not emotionally or intimately

And finally, 4) it's obvious other people have tried encouraging her to vent, to open up. But she refused. Why though? Because they weren't eddie

This quote shows how others have tried helping her :

"You flush angrily and pop up, hating being called out. God, why did everyone wanna make you own up to things?"

So yeah, as much of a cunt she is, reader just wants to be loved and reassured. She's heartbroken and seeks comfort in eddie (well, eddie and steve)

....

or maybe I'm just look too deep into this and being an idiot lmao

so punch drunk love was originally an RP with me and one of my close friends (that's why the format may read different than usual) that I liked so much i wanted to edit it into a fic, so this...you just read me to filth. LMAOOOOOOO

but its honestly so sweet? you took time to analyze the character? ik we all write fics w reader as a pretty blank slate so everyone has a chance to relate but i like reader w problems. I like reader who fucks up and does wrong and has ugly thoughts and does shitty things in the name of love. i love dissecting that.

[turtle-ly]

Do you have any catradora fic recs?

i am MADE for this, okay im gonna pick some non-popular ones bc who havent seen them got rec'd a thousand times? let's fucking go:

Oneshots (<5k):

1. blood by lesbians_harold, pre s5 nightmare angsts have a different Spice to it <3

2. Houses Will Build Themselves by jockvillagersonly, somft domesticity, adora builds a drawer

3. but at least the pain will last by TurtleTotem, i throw you on a loop! itsa angst again :) i love soulmate aus but soulmate aus when they're enemies? muah

4. we didn't start the fire (it lived in us) by blackranger (robpatFF), oh how i've thought about you days and nights, op'd adora is very good for your health actually, i've talked about it more here

5. Memory by CabbageCommander, yes i've rec'd s1 angst, s2 angst, now it's s3 angst >:) this fic urged me to do a gifset, one of the only 2 i've ever made, the impact 😌

6. When you’re away (losing sleep) by ClaraZorEl, i love character studies cant you tell

7. Gold, Falling from the ceiling by oliwellwhocares, hair, and the feels

8. how a blessing feels just like a curse by artemiswords, oh turtle you said you dont like angst that much! now explain your bookmarks pls. infected!she-ra :)

9. being chill, being chill with you (oh it kills, they ain’t chill at all) by emdashcomma, how does it feel to see our two favorite dumbasses dancing around each other but like, through the horde kids POV

10. your catra by bogfenwetland, or adora's fight with prime hive mind catra

Oneshots (>5k):

1. Eclipse by theamberissubtle, i guess this is canon divergence since it's from 2019, but great post-war fics are timeless and come in all shapes and sizes

2. Gold, White and Red, hnnnng im feral over goddess adora post s5, see me losing it over the fic here

3. Time to Go by elowen_p, as much as i like canon divergence, im not usually one for s1 cd fics. This is the exception, bc it's slightly Fucked Up and my guilty hc is that everyone in the horde is fucked up in various ways and degrees. adora remains in the horde, but at what cost?

4. tell me (you won't leave me) by insanetwin, post s5 catra submits herself to the mortifying ordeal of being known in order to enjoy the rewards of being loved

5. want me down to the marrow by auberigine, i am rubbing my hands all over s3 aus

6. a rumor, a legend, a mystery by nuttyshake, anastasia au, im gonna be honest with you, i havent watched anastasia for reasons, this one still melted my heart though

7. how can anybody have you by lavendersgreen (M), horde lord! catra. i almost forgot this one is angst angst disguised as fluff lol

8. brave face talk so lightly (hide the truth) by nuttyshake, this is the second time i rec'd this author in this post so im gonna do you a favor and add their tumblr, @/clacing, okay no more angst and its cousins this fic is pure yearning and fluff i promise

9. Meet Me At The Finish Line by clottedcreamfudge (E), haha dumbasses, you should also check out their other spop fics, namely the galling stones series lmao

10. baby, i'm a house on fire (and i wanna keep burning) by wittchers, i was about to stop with these but i cant scroll past this, i think this one is popular with the early fandom actually, medieval arranged marriage au with lord catra, sexy :)

Multi-chapters:

1. 82 Hours by burstofpeony, dancer au where they also got separated bc drama, the usual, but now on a train. i read this fic in one sitting i think

2. notes on fashion by slowdown, im adding this one bc i have taste

3. dangerous woman by n7punk, i KNOW i know, who havent known them?! but this hc is superior babes!

4. on another note im gonna rec on the other side + their and they were roommates collection too. at the 3rd reread im considering this is my comfort fic, if comfort fics are the kind that makes you roll around on your bed and take several breaks to calm down from the dumbassery.

5. wild things by sevensevan, Shadow Weaver sends Catra into the woods to die. Catra doesn't. tbh i'd like to read more about this since im soft for aus where catradora leave the horde on their own, it's still good where it's at tho

Im pulling my bookmarks out for y'all except the almost pure spicy ones that i wont name in this post haha. read these and you might just be able to pinpoint my fic taste :)

[laskyy]

Hey guys! I was finishing up the Keeho imagine and realized I had a request in my inbox! I didn't see it until now so I'm not sure when it was sent so I'm really sorry I didn't write earlier if you sent it a long time ago! This was requested by @ipupwkr! I hope you like it! And sorry for the wait!!!

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

P1harmony when they realize they love their s/o

Tw: kissing (as always lmao), stress, crying (let me know if I missed something)

Genre: fluff

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

Theo:

Theo had been working nonstop since their comeback was very near and it was clear that he felt absolutely drained in every aspect possible.

You of course weren't oblivious. You did notice that your boyfriend was overworking himself. So you wanted him to relax a bit.

It was almost 2 am when you went to fnc and found him in a practice room, dancing alone. You felt the vibrations of the music coming to an end and you took this as an oportunity to come in and take care of your boyfriend.

(rest of Theo and the other members under the cut!)

"Hey babe!" You said softly as you closed the door of the practice room and put the food you brought on a nearby table.

"Oh hi, baby! What brings you here?" He asked as he pecked your lips and gave you a quick hug.

"Well, you've been very stressed lately and I also noticed that you haven't taken some time to rest! So I'm here to make sure you relax! You need to be healthy and you probably have only been eating junk food so I also cooked some food for you! And you also need to slee-"

You didn't get to finish the sentence because Theo tackled you in a hug. Theo looked you in the eyes and he almost teared up. How could he be so lucky! You cared about him so much like no one has before. You weren't someone to mess up your sleeping schedule and he knew it, but you came here to him in the wee hours of the morning. He realized at that exact moment that he loved you and you were definitely the one for him.

Keeho:

Keeho was thrilled because he hadn't seen you in quite some time because of his busy schedule, but today he was free and you decided to meet him in the dorm to spend some quality time together and he was more than excited to have you in his arms.

"Baby!" He said as you arrived and hugged him tight.

"Hi bub!" You said as you kissed his cheek tenderly.

"Let's go up to my room!" Keeho said as he excitedly extended his hand out to you (a/n: as I was writing this, Nemonade started playing hsisjs this is unrelated to the imagine, but just wanted to said this song is a certified bop lmao) and you took it immediately.

You guys went up to his room and as he closed the door he started kissing you all over your face, something he did when he had missed you.

"I missed you sooooo much! You have no idea!" He said as he planted a big kiss on your lips and you giggled while reaching into your bag.

"I missed you too you big baby! And by the way, I got you something!" You said as you gor a pair of sunglasses out of your bag.

"OH MY GOD! HOW DID YOU KNOW I WANTED THESE GLASSES? I LOVE THEM!!!" He said as he gladly took them and put them on while striking random poses and making you laugh.

"Well, the last time we went on a date I remember you looking at them while we were shopping and you looked at them with stars in your eyes, so how wouldn't I know!" You said as you wore an expression of endearment as you looked at your boyfriend who managed to look fine in everything.

"You're the best really! I aprecciate you so much!" He said as he hugged you lovingly. He hadn't said it to you but at that moment he felt gos heart beat faster than It ever had before. It wasn't the fact that you brought him something. It was the fact that you noticed the small details and that you could read him so well. At that moment Keeho knew. Keeho knew he was in love. Keeho knew you were the love of his life.

Jiung:

You were sleeping over at your boyfriend's dorm. It was the first time you slept in the same bed as Jiung, but honestly it was so cozy. He was so warm and his embrace just made you feel inner warmth as well and you swore that was the best sleep you've ever had!

You woke up before Jiung and took your time in admiring his features. He was so ethereal even when he was sleeping. You couldn't believe how lucky you were in finding such an amazing guy. Jiung was everything to you and you couldn't imagine your life without him.

You got up without waking Jiung up and decided to head to the kitchen to make breakfast as a way to thank him for everything! You went to the the kitchen in Jiung's oversized shirt and shorts and as the others weren't home you decided to play some music while cooking.

You were so into dancing and singing happily to End it (a/n: A BOP) while making breakfast that you didn't notice Jiung standing behind you as he watched you with heart eyes.

He looked at you with so much love. At first he was kind of sad that you left the bed before him, but all of the sadness left his body as he observed you being so immersed in the music while wearing his clothes.

He couldn't thank his lucky stars enough. He was so happy to have found you. And right now, as you were in such a domestic moment he couldn't help but realize that he loved you. You were the love of his life. And he wouldn't have it any other way.

Intak:

You and Intak were hanging out in his room just talking and cuddling, when you got into a conversation about how you guys were feeling about work and stress.

As Intak started speaking of the stress he was feeling with the comeback being so near he couldn't help but start crying because of feeling so overwhelmed.

"Oh Tak! Come here baby!" You said as you hugged as tight as you could while rocking him back and forth while kissing his head.

"I can't even begin to imagine how stressed you feel. I wish you could just pass the burden to me! I hate seeing you so upset! But, in the end, all of your hard work will pay off! It always does, and you know why?" You asked as Intak looked at you in the eyes as you wiped one of his tears with the pad of your thumb.

"Because you're Hwang Intak! You're an amazing artist! You're incredibly talented and passionate. You love what you do and it shows! You're going to rock this comeback like you always do! And I'll be here to help you throughout everything!"

By the end of your little encouraging speech Intak started crying harder. Don't get the poor boy wrong though. He started crying because your words made him so happy. He knew you cared about him, but he didn't know that you vocalizing it would make him realize everything. He realized he loved you and that he wanted to be by your side forever.

Soul:

You and Soul were watching a movie and honestly you guys weren't that interested in it. You were talking about your goals for the future and whatever went through your minds at that moment.

The conversation went on for a while until you felt Shota's head laying heavily in your shoulder and realized he fell asleep. God he looked so cute! You played with his hair softly until the movie ended and then you decided to make him comfortable on the couch or else he would wake up with a cramping neck.

You layed him down gently on the couch and you might not have noticed, but when you went to get a blanket to cover him he woke up and looked at you. When he saw you coming back he decided to close his eyes and pretended to be asleep to see what you would do.

You came back and tucked him in the blanket so that he could sleep well. You squatted on the floor and caressed his cheek softly for a while. You were about to get up when Soul spoke.

"Stay with me!"

And you couldn't say no to your cute boyfriend so you layed down next to him and cuddled him while listening to his steady heartbeat.

Soul looked down at you and and kissed your forehead softly while thing about how much you cared for him. Just thinking about it gave him butterflies. He was still young and had a lot of things he didn't understand, but one thing he did understand was that he was in love with you.

Jongseob:

You and Seobie were playing some video games in his room while catching up on what you guys have been doing lately. Jongseob suddenly cuddled closer to you and you could feel that he was shivering.

"Seobie you're shivering! Let me get you a hoodie." You said as you grabbed your bag and handed him his hoodie that you loved wearing.

"But you said you weren't going to give it back!" Seobie said kind of confused as he put it on.

"Well, I'm not giving it back. But you're cold and the hoodie is loosing your smell so it's a great oportunity to kill two birds with one stone!" You said as you played with the strings on his hoodie.

"So you wear my hoodies because they smell like me?" Jongseob asked as his smile grew wider.

"Of course I do! They help a lot when you're working and need to be away for a long time. That way one part of you is always with me and I feel safer in a certain way." You said as you grew shy of your sudden confession.

"Just when I thought you wouldn't get cuter!" Jongseob said as he kissed your cheek and hugged you tight.

No one ever made Jongseob feel this way. You always made Jongseob learn new things and today he leaned that he loved you dearly.

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

So guyyyys, DID YOU SEE P1H'S COVER OF GOOD 4 YOU BECAUSE I DID AND I DIED DHKDBDJJD LIKE I DON'T EVEN HAVE WORDS SO HAVE SOME NUMBERS 288292829288282892.

Anyways, Keeho's imagine will ho up tomorrow because I drained my energy with this request! But I think you guys will like it! Love you guys! Pray for Ni-ki's recovery!!! 💖

[daydreaming-in-daisies]

Relief (Jack White x Reader) [Chapter 1]

PLEASE READ Author's Note: Y'all... this is the first fanfic and smut I've ever written, so if it's a mess please don't drag me lmao. I started writing this on Wattpad when the pandemic first started, so this fic was born out of complete and utter boredom. It was also born from the fact that there's barely any Jack White fics out here, and many of the ones that already exist are on abandoned Tripod or Geocities fan pages from 2003. Another disclaimer is that the first few chapters are a bit slow, and as of right now I'm like 90% finished with the whole fic. So yeah, keep all of this in mind. Also, this is just the first chapter. I'll post the rest slowly. Thanks for reading! xo

Word Count: 1.3k

Warning: Swearing (this chapter); Smut, dirty talk, oral sex, face fucking, domination (to a degree), swearing (for the coming chapters)

Summary: (Y/N) is a massage therapist at a high end spa in Nashville and winds up getting Jack White as a client. After having your hands on him for an extended period of time, you decide to take things a bit further.

Wattpad Link Here

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

"She's got stickers on her locker,

And the boy's number's there in magic marker,

I'm hungry and the hunger will linger,

I eat sixteen saltine crackers then I lick my fingers..."

Just like every morning, I woke up to the sound of my alarm blaring Sixteen Saltines by Jack White. I generally hate hearing such loud noise in the morning, but I loved Jack White, so I made an exception for him. Plus, having such a song as my alarm definitely helped me get up out of bed every morning, even if it scared the living shit out of me sometimes.

I turn my neck to my left towards my nightstand, lazily reaching over to my phone to turn the alarm off.

"Ugh, 6 a–fucking–m..." I groaned. I don't normally wake up this early. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I was actually up this early. The only reason why I'm even up is because I have a client coming in a bit early today and it takes me about an hour to actually get to work, so I gotta get up a little early to give myself time to get ready. I'm not even gonna lie, I was having that moment we all have in the morning when we try to determine if school, work, hanging out with friends, or whatever the situation may be, is actually worth getting up for. For a second I very seriously considered just texting my boss with a simple, "Hey, I'm not really feeling too well today. I've been feeling a bit under the weather lately, so I won't be able to make it in today. My apologies for such short notice." It didn't help that this specific client–whoever it was–scheduled kind of last minute. Like... literally a few hours ago last minute. I got the notification for it at around 1 A.M. The preview for it on my lockscreen said "New 8:30 A.M. appointment made for..."  and I couldn't see the rest.  I was too tired to give a shit at the time I got it, so I simply glared at the screen for a few seconds and went back to sleep. As I'm contemplating whether I want to leave my bed, I think to myself, "no, (y/n), that's just the tiredness talking. Just get up. Do you really wanna stay home in your apartment and do nothing for the entire day?"

I stare at my plain white ceiling for a few seconds, sigh, and finally muster up the energy to get out of bed. I put on my plush robe, drag myself down the hall, and make my way into the bathroom. I see my roommate, Ashley–who just so happens to also be my best friend–is in the bathroom brushing her teeth. She notices me trudging into the room like some kind of undead creature in heat and gives me a perky smile.

"Good morning!" She chirps with a mouthful of foamy toothpaste. She's such a morning person. It was kind of endearing and impressive, but also kind of annoying on mornings where I needed quiet. This was definitely one of those mornings. However, I knew she didn't mean any harm, so I decided not to take my slight crankiness out on her.

"Hey." I exhaled as I wet my toothbrush bristles and grabbed some toothpaste. "So how are you on this fine morning?" I flatly asked while brushing, still barely awake.

Ashley chuckled a little. "I'm doin' alright." She shrugged. "I got a psych test today that I'm about to fail, but whatever."

I shrugged. "Eh, we've all been there. You do pretty well in school, so one shitty grade won't kill you, yeah?"

"Probably not." She stated after spitting out her mouthwash. "Alright, I'm gonna take a shower in the other bathroom. I'll probably be outta here before you're finished getting ready so I'll see you tonight!"

I did a slight wave and responded with a slightly monotone "See ya."

I finally felt myself beginning to wake up. The bright lights in the bathroom hurt my eyes significantly less after a few minutes, and my brief conversation with Ashley definitely woke me up. After brushing my teeth, washing my face, and all of that other morning jazz I put on my uniform for work. I'm a massage therapist at this high end spa in Nashville. It has its inconveniences but it's a pretty chill job for the most part. The customers can be kind of a pain in the ass, though. But they often tip well so I can tolerate the haughtiness for an hour or so. Since it's a luxury spa, the uniforms are a bit more "fashionable" than other places. It's basically a slightly fitted black tunic with a pair of black trousers and white sneakers (since I'm on my feet most of the time). After quickly checking myself out in the mirror I grab my possessions and head out the door to my car.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I probably should've at least checked the name of the person who made an appointment with me. It was only 7:00 A.M. when I headed out, so I had a little bit of time to kill before I left. I got into my car and turned it on just so I could warm up the engine a bit before I officially left. For some reason, I was weirdly eager to see who it was. Maybe it was just because it wasn't often that people successfully made appointments that last minute. It's a pretty high-end place, so you have to pull some strings to do such a thing.

I swipe up on my phone screen, enter my password, and immediately open the app we use to receive appointment notifications. "New 8:30 A.M. appointment made for John G." I furrowed my eyebrows in slight confusion. Normally, people put both first and last name when making an appointment. However, I didn't think much of it. As long as the client is paying that's all that really matters to me. I scroll down a bit to view what services he wanted.

Service(s) Requested:

- Active Recovery Deep Tissue Massage, 110 minutes

"Alright." I nod and mumble to myself. I'm thinking this dude must be an athlete of some kind. We get a lot of those since we have some NFL and NBA players who live in the area. They're pretty susceptible to things like lower back pain, so they're pretty regular. I'm not into sports, however, so it's not like I'm trying to figure out who it is. I connect Bluetooth from my phone to my car and put my playlist on shuffle. "Nice," I chuckle to myself as I hear the familiar riff Evil Eye by Fu Manchu pound through my speakers as I back up out of the parking lot. Nothing like some good ol' 90s stoner rock to liven up my morning commute. Traffic was a bit lighter than usual, so I got where I needed to be by around 7:52 A.M.

I park and make my way into the building, greeting my coworkers and a few regulars as I walk through to get to my designated "Therapy Room" on the 6th floor. As I'm preparing the supplies needed; oil, towels, robes, and all that other good stuff, I physically and mentally prepare myself for the first session of the day. Working on people's bodies all day can get exhausting, so I usually eat a few snacks beforehand and drink some water before and between sessions to keep myself sane. After adding the final touches of lighting a few candles, dimming the lights a bit, and doing a quick shower check (making sure everything was clean and in its place), I take a look at my phone.

8:14 A.M. Almost time for my first client.

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Yep, that's Chapter 1. Thanks for reading y'all, I'll be back with the second one soon. :)

[imnotasuperhero]

Take a chance and roll the dice

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Type: Fluff

Summary: You find yourself having to look after your neighbor’s nephew and niece. On Halloween. Which leads you to -maybe- hold a special feeling for this date from now on.

Wordcount: 1079

A/N: This is my contribution for @marvelsdc22 1k writing challenge!!! I know there’s plenty of time, but I wanted my prompt to mach the date, lmao.

Congrats again, Krys!! You deserve every follow. Here’s waiting for thousands more!! 

(Candies your way if you guess where I took the title from) HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!

Looking down at the expectant pairs of eyes, you smiled forcefully at them, making sure you remembered this the next time your mouth spoke before confirming with your brain.

"Ready to go, kids?" You questioned, praying for this night to be over rather sooner than later.

At the chants of 'yes's, you smoothed your shirt one last time before opening the door to a new part of life you never thought you'd experience.

When Milo complained about not being able to go trick-or-treating this year because of her aunt having a last-minute shift, your heart had shattered at his sad face, making you offer your help in a heartbeat. Let's be honest...no kid should miss the annual hunt of candies, which led you to dress up as Alvin, leaving Nadine to be Simon and Milo to be Theodore. Some family tradition their dad started when Nadine turned 2, as Wanda had said, in which they'd have matching costumes.

What had started as an uneventful evening became a tug of war between you and two demons that did nothing but bribe you after your slip-out.

"But miss Y/N! It's too early for bed," the youngest one pouted with his best puppy eyes. "Wanda always-"

"I'm not your aunt-"

"We stay up longer, or I'll tell my aunt about how beautiful you think she is," Nadine extended her hand, standing proudly with a smirk in place.

Mulling your options, you grunted before shaking her small hand. There was no way on earth you'd let Wanda know about it. 

"You have to change out of your costumes, though. And no more than five candies each." You looked down at them, making sure there was no room for arguments.

"Can we have popcorn, too?" the 4-years-old asked excitedly. You knew right then and there this kid will be the death of you.

"Go get changed, Nadine please help your brother." You smiled before walking to the kitchen as your mind went through all the movies you considered appropriate for this night.

After everything was ready and you had started the movie, all three of you cuddled together on the couch, enjoying the quietness of the night. 

You knew the kids hadn't had a nice year due to their parents passing away and their lives changing so suddenly, so you'd made up your mind to make life a little more bearable for them. Either it was by sharing your food with them whenever they passed your side or -you hoped-  babysitting them. After all, in these few hours, you realized this new part of life felt good and you were sure there was no way back, now.

"Miss Y/N? Can I have a flying broom?" Milo mussed with his green eyes glued to the TV, clearly amazed by Mindi and her grandma flying around the town.

"Only wizards or witches can have them," you kissed his brown hair.

"But Mindi didn't have her powers until she was 13!!! It means we can still have them, right?" Nadine perked up and you couldn't dare to take their excited smiles out of their faces.

But before you could answer her, the doorbell rang, making you grunt after you'd had found the right spot on the couch.

"WANDA, WANDA, WANDA!" The 9-year-old ran beside you, landing on her aunt's arms. "GUESS WHAT? Y/N SAID MILO AND I CAN HAVE A MAGIC BROOM!" 

"Oh? How so?" Wanda looked from Nadine to you, amusement shining bright in her green eyes.

"We're watching Halloweentown," you offered timidly, hoping it was enough to explain.

"Can we finish it before we go?" Milo asked from his place on the couch, sleep taking over him.

"Yes, please, auntie!! We want to watch them all!" Nadine took Wanda's hand and started dragging her to the couch.

"We can watch it at home," Wanda resisted her niece's attempts as she offered you a silent apology.

"It's no problem!" You found yourself answering, almost way too fast to be casual. "I mean, I'm not sleeping yet,"

"You sure we're not imposing? I mean, I'm sure you have better things to do than watch silly movies-"

"I'll stop you right there," you gasped, clearly shocked. "Halloweentown is no silly!" You playfully sneered, making her laugh that sound you've got to love.

"You're right, my bad." Wanda giggled as she put her bag down, letting Nadine guide her to the couch, sitting between both kids.

You wished you could take a picture at that moment so you could stare at that image forever.

Settling back against the couch, you let yourself relax once more. Content in the company you've got.

But, said peacefulness was short-lived when, somehow in the middle of the second movie,  your attention perked up.

"Shut up! Santa is real!" You heard Milo scream in your ear. 

You sent a confusing look to Wanda, only to be met with the same quizzical expression.

Content with your work, you looked up, finding Wanda's eyes glued to you. Her green orbs shining with something you couldn't put your finger on.

Looking down, you realized he had fallen asleep and was talking in his dreams.

Laughing softly, you quickly picked him sitting him on your lap, speaking soft reassurances to him until he relaxed his demeanor and any fight seemed to subside.

"I should go home," she spoke once she got out of her reverie, looking down to a sleeping Nadine.

"Let me help you," you mumbled, adjusting Milo's sleeping form on your arms as she did the same with Nadine.

Closing the door behind you, you walked the few steps to her house in silence. Only the sound of the crispy air being the witness of your unspoken feelings.

Part of you wanted to beg her to stay, just to spend more time in her company. But the rational part told you that you had no right. That there will never be anything else than you looking over her kids when she needed a hand.

"Let me take you on a date?" 

You looked at Wanda after you met her downstairs, having just put Milo in bed. 

"As a 'thank you'," she quickly explained, her cheeks tinting a soft pink.

"I'd love to,"

You didn't know what possessed you to accept so suddenly, but you wouldn't have it any other way. The shy smile on her face was something you couldn't resist but want to kiss. 

But you didn't. There would be time for kisses later. Hopefully.

----

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